October 28, 2022
“Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another”
How do we find ourselves today? I for one, find myself patently waiting on a truckload of data relating to a relatively recent chemical spill out here on the outskirts of my bucolic burg so that I can write about it, and until it arrives, the best I can do, is twiddle my thumbs as I stare deeply into the void of eternal human suffering, as we all tend to do from time to time.
Seriously HULU… get your shit together, put it in your shit backpack, and start airing the new season of “Rick and Morty” already. I’m literally losing my mind over here, and I’m a hair’s breadth away from starting to pick up yet another pointless self-involved hobby, which mythical Lord knows, I really shouldn’t do:
Sure, I could use this down time to learn a new skill, work on my forever-coming-along book project, or perhaps even perfect my classic Ding Dongs and frozen anchovy pizza salad recipe, but why do all that, when I can just as easily, reach deep into my allegorical storage closet of human scratching posts to amuse myself before the world of community-based environmentalism demands my full attention?
Now, if I were truly lazy, I could craft a half-hearted kind of snarky pastiche, or perhaps even a “Where Are They Now? “ sort of homage, but here at the ol’ Lair of Snarkitude, we’re innovators, not imitators, and we take pride in bringing the new, the interesting, and most definitively, the ignorant, to the readers that I so appreciate.
In the past, I’ve introduced you all to a wide array of bigots, false Christians, conspiracy-theory adherents, treason-supporting Trumpists, homophobic haranguers, and cravenly dullards, whom could be best charitably described as being “short-bus special”, but as a rule, these abominable flaws of character were distributed evenly across the spectrum of the personalities I’ve familiarized for you, and never singularly amalgamated in to the walking urinal cake of a demagogue, that today’s screed subject so proudly presents themselves to be.
To be fair though, it would be akin to my spitting in the face of the Writing Gods, if I were to ever dissuade myself from utilizing the never-ending resource that is the intellectual density of one James Ray Spring of Oklahoma City< Oklahoma, and as someone who appreciates both an easy journey, if not a free meal at the end of it, I would never do that, even on the worst of my days.
I may not be Kurt Vonnegut, but I’m also quite certainly, not the epitome of *Kilgore Trout, either.
*[Kilgore Trout is a fictional character created by author Kurt Vonnegut. In Vonnegut’s work, Trout is a notably unsuccessful author of paperback science fiction novels.]
I’ve been running you through the truly warped world-view of Spring’s densely dystopian mind-set over the course of my last two screeds, and while I was (weirdly) looking forward to turning my back on his mentally toxic sludge to write about the physicality of actual toxic sludge, I find myself on his doorstep yet again, due to the ironic lack of data for one tale, and the overabundance of it, for another.
To put it in a way that’s easy to understand, here’s the current stats on my personal research file comprised solely of Spring’s racist, homophobic, misogynistic, transphobic, conspiracy and hate-laden, willingly uninformed, social media postings:
Keep in mind, that the next best contender that I have on my list of Conservative inanity, has a personal best of 175 images in total, which hardly qualifies as a pittance where Spring’s puerile productivity is concerned. And I might add, that’s a compilation that was accrued over the course of close to three years, whereas Spring’s, was acquired in less than four months.
And doing so, using a culling process that took less time to achieve than the stint I’d normally spend on making toast. I say “took” because as of this moment, Spring, ever the technological wizard, ultimately figured out that there was a “blocking” feature on Facebook, and he finally used it… close to three weeks after he was informed of its existence… by ME:
Granted, while I don’t fathom the comparison to a mentally-ill gay transvestite, as it’s based on Spring and his hetero boyfriends misunderstanding of the corresponding sub-cultures, I do love just how equally causeless his BFF is about how social media and their respective platforms work, as well.
Along those lines, I just had to include this ironic self-own that Spring once posted regarding what he perceives as an intellectual win, but I’m sure that since he blocked me, versus the other way around, there’s no way this distinction could ever be applied in reverse, I’m sure:
And I’m not gonna lie here, the honor of being labeled as an entity who is nothing less than “Satanic” is always an ego boost as well, because as someone who always tries to bring his best work to the allegorical table when he’s utilizing the machinations of purest evil for the Greater Good, honest compliments are always truly appreciated, if not ultimately expected.
There’s an old saying that a person is the one true “gift that keeps on giving”, and to a limited extent, this assertion is somewhat accurate, but in regards to Spring’s voluminous output of sheer inanity, ideological vileness, and willingly ignorant paranoia, I’d opine that he’s the closest thing that I’ve ever seen to a human representation of the Giving Tree, if such had been scripted by the poet emeritus of Stormfront.
I’m kidding of course, about the Stormfront reference, as I’m sure Spring’s Native American heritage would make him ineligible for full membership, but I’d equally suspect that they’d also be quite appreciative of the work he’s been inadvertently doing oh their cause’s behalf, nevertheless.
This is not to say, or even subtly suggest, that Spring harbors any deep-rooted White supremacist views, but given his past revelations of self as evidenced by his online postings, he is without a doubt, sharing some communal space on their observational sun-deck:To note, my Moron of Militia-ocrity, the reason why it’s NOT classified as an “invasion”, is based on several validated differences twixt these two disparate analogies, some of which are obvious, and others that given the leeway of both time and experience, will most certainly reveal themselves, later on down the allegorical road, as it were.
Starting off, the migrants coming to this country seeking asylum and the promise of a far better life, unlike the Russians attempting to seize Ukraine, aren’t arriving in armored divisions equipped to the eyeballs with military-grade weaponry slaughtering the resistant citizenry, and as an added bonus, generally aren’t blowing up schools, churches, and hospitals, to boot.
But as that’s just off the top of my head, I’m fairly confident that my listing defining their respective variances, may be somewhat incomplete. However, like most jingoistic jackals, Spring isn’t going to let a sacrificial lamb wriggle out of his slime-dripping maw, due to the inconvenience of established reality- no siree, Bob. If anything, he’s just going to double down, and engage in what Neocons do better than anybody else; blaming the downtrodden for wanting to be free of their burdens:
Is it just me, or has anybody else noticed that Jimmy’s cultural references are as outdated as his repulsive assertions? Granted, I wouldn’t use the modern-day take on the Riddler, as inexcusably played by Jim Carrey to modernize this meme, but I’d also point out that even Frank Gorshin’s take on the character from the 60’s Batman TV show, would never say anything so abominably bigoted to begin with.
I get it Jimmy- due to your paranoid idiocy, you feel a compulsion to deliberately mar every interaction you have with your fellow human beings, but do you have to f**k up the timeless joy associated with POP culture too?
My guess would be “yes”.
Nevertheless, our bigot of the hour did raise a question, asinine and hateful as it is, and because I believe in tacking the issue of racism and its flag-bearers head on, I’ll be more than happy to answer it in a way that Spring can hopefully understand, and if such a thing is still possible- learn a lesson from.
Normally, when dealing with someone of Spring’s limited intellect and emotional maturity, this would be the part where I break out the hand-puppets and/or the flash-cards, but as this screed is of a far more literary construction, rather than the one grounding live theatre, I’ll muddle through as best I can.
Well, the answer is simple, if not somewhat and culturally complicated, all at once. As Spring is of Native American descent, his inherent distrust of immigrants does make sense in the grand abstract, and I will give him that, albeit to a rational point.
As a person of German ancestry, I very rarely drop my last name inside the confines of an orthodox Jewish deli, if you know what I mean, and given just how much I appreciate the joy of a good Reuben, I’m sure you can understand why I don’t.
But as I noted in my last screed, Spring’s immigrant-based-bigotry isn’t universally spread across the rainbow of what he might perceive as cultural interlopers, as you might expect from a native son of the Earth- it’s focused solely on the chromatic pond that he himself stems from: that of the obviously non-Caucasian.
As I’ve catalogued previously, if Spring had any form of grave issue with the Aryan side of things, I’d totally get it 100%. But his (somewhat) fellow indigenous persons? Seriously, Dude… what in the hell is that about? And then, you dare question their “contribution” to what you wrongly and ever so arrogantly, imply is “your” country alone?
America was founded on immigration, you dickish dolt, and it achieved its greatness through the strength of its diversity, and due to such humble beginnings, remains the beacon to countries worldwide as a place where any man (or woman) can become more than they originally were- quite literally, “The American Dream”, and you think that the responsibility of its dissemination, should be placed solely within the hateful hands of bigots like yourself?
Thank mythical God that it’s not, and hopefully, never will be. But the question of; “How do Immigrants strengthen our country, but not their own?” still remains unanswered, so here’s my take, such as it is.
Starting us off, we have the immeasurable labor resource pool that keeps the American agriculture, resort/hotel, and restaurant industries humming along, along with the edifying contributions to our food culture, as well. I won’t speak for you of course, but personally, I’m totally fine with a food truck on every corner in this country, especially if they’re competing against one another
It was once said that; “Nothing brings out the best in a person, quite like a singular challenge”, and the day somebody comes along and invents fusion Greek-Indian-Mexican cuisine that can be deep-fired and served inside a pita, that will be the day this country finally achieves its true potential for awesomeness.
Not to mention, immigrants are also the number one developers of small businesses in this country as a rule, so feel free to take your demonization of such industrious persons Jimmy, and shove it where you once buried your humanity. I could also point out to my wannabe White warrior here, that most people who helped build the foundations of this country were “illegal” as well, (more so at one point) but why do that, as Spring would only find a way, as he always does, to ignore it?
Food and entrepreneurship aside, the benefaction to our country’s artistic, literary, and cinematic communities can also not be overlooked, and I have to wonder just how many of these in-tandem activities Spring happily partakes of, as he obliviously spews his revoltingly ignorant xenophobia to the world entire. As for Spring’s racist jibe querying as to why “they” can help us out, but not their own, the answer to that, is also quite simple- the distribution and application of accrued power.
Whether the disadvantage being faced is financial, political, terroristic, or educational, the majority of refugees who come here aren’t fleeing their homelands seeking the “Free”, as Spring and his conservative ilk would have us believe, but are instead, questing search for the Freedom of a possible future seemingly unachievable within the places of their birth, due to the insurmountable challenges involved.
Unsurprisingly, Spring deliberately overlooks these contributing factors to the plight of migrants, not because he doesn’t perceive them as true, but because they obviously get in the way of his oft-cited false narratives that he so blatantly and specifically pimps:
I hate to burst your dope bubble, Jimmy Ray, but Terrorists LOVE Trump. They in fact adore him, and quite deeply, it seems. Take for instance, the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, with whom Trump once claimed to have “fallen in love with”, after the duo exchanged personal correspondence, disturbingly described by those in knowledge of their contents as, and I quote; “love letters”.
Urk, I say. URK.
And who among us, can forget the appreciation shown by US frenemy Saudi Arabia, the alleged financiers of 9-11, after Trump not only unconscionably overlooked the revelation that they had brutally murdered a dissident journalist residing in America, and then just as coldly dismembered his corpse, he did so, that he could then facilitate a deal wherein he sold them weapons?
Then there’s also the 2017 state visit from Turkey’s president [dictator] Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, in which Erdoğan’s personal security detail attacked a group of American protesters, sending nine people to local DC hospitals with injuries ranging from concussions to lacerations, an act of aggression to which Trump reacted with nothing but silence.
That may be due to the fact that in a 2015 radio interview broadcast on Breitbart News, then-host, and now convicted criminal Steve Bannon, asked Trump if Turkey was a “reliable partner”, to which Trump bragged; “I have a little conflict of interest ’cause I have a major, major building in Istanbul. It’s a tremendously successful job. It’s called Trump Towers — two towers, instead of one, not the usual one, it’s two.”
Apparently, he needed to clarify that it was two towers, because I guess he assumed (correctly) that moist of his support base doesn’t understand just how the concept of plurality works.
Not to mention, Trump, as he has reputedly done with most of the sociopathic strongmen he’s ever met, has expressed open admiration for the way Erdoğan runs his country, going so far as to say that Erdoğan was, and I quote; “doing a fantastic job for the people of Turkey,” obliviously adding in sometime later, that Erdoğan also had a; “great relationship with the Kurds”, despite the fact that Turkey has publicly deemed the ethnic group as established terrorists.
And whatever you do, don’t even get me started on Trump’s man-crush on Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, the journalist-murdering dictator of Russia, whom Trump obviously tries (and thankfully fails) to emulate, because we will seriously be here all day.
I will say however, that if you’re currently in the market seeking a life-partner, find yourself one that looks at you the way that Vlad Tepid here, is looking at our resident Count of Mostly Crisco:
Irrespectively though, U.S. representative lhan Abdullahi Omar being a woman of devout Muslim faith doesn’t automatically make her a “terrorist” as Spring’s abhorrent meme implies, but it does add to my theorem that at best, he’s nothing more than a misogynistic racist, and a total f**king idiot, at worst.
Proof of this concept, can be found by observing his pattern of repeated attacks centered upon twice-elected US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who, along with other women in positions of political power, Spring erroneously derides as being less than intelligent, due to nothing more than the fact that they possess vaginas he can’t access, and present contradictory opinions that he cannot control.
Imagine that… a Trump supporter, disparaging someone else’s intellectual capability.
But as with all things James Ray Spring, the proof is in the puerile pudding, and if Spring is known for anything, it’s his mythical God-given ability to take what most sane persons would regard as abominable character flaws, and elevate them to a new plateau where his racism, misogyny, and incel-level fear of strong women, comes out to display who he truly is when others aren’t paying attention.
Has anyone else ever noticed, that when Alt-Wrong Neandertals such as Spring, lunch attacks on female politicians, they never go after their policies and aspects of known character, as a normal person would, but choose instead, to issue pathetically sexist slurs that cannot be supported by verifiable facts?
I’m sure there’s a good reason for that, and I’m most certain it has nothing to do with the reality that the kind of man who utters such slander, are the same ones who optimistically buy condoms on their way to a family reunion. And even better, is the particular type of man who thinks that it’s still socially acceptable for him to do so, despite all evidence to the contrary:
Dear mythical God, thank you for the bounty of the gift you just bestowed upon me, and to a lesser degree, my readership base. So, Adam Carolla, thinks that AOC “sounds like an idiot”? Well, that’s a damming assertion coming from a community college dropout, who once co-helmed “The Man Show”, a sexist piece of television tripe where women jumping on trampolines, was the main draw of said program.
Carolla’s past employment includes stints as a carpet cleaner, a boxing coach, and a traffic-school instructor, so obviously with such laudable personal achievements under his belt, he’s more than qualified to pass judgment upon a sitting US Representative, who unlike he, actually graduated cum laude from Boston University with a double major in business and economics, and as previously noted, has been duly elected twice to the office she now holds.
But Carolla does host a podcast where he does his best impression of an untainted Howard Stern, to the amusement of fellow man-tards steeped in AXE body-spray, so that’s almost as impressive, right?
To be fair, the Guiness Book of World Records did certify that his podcast was the most downloaded podcast after receiving 59,574,843 unique downloads from March 2009 to March 16, 2011, breaking the previous record set by The Ricky Gervais Show, but, as most record claimants must pay to have their records recognized, the fact that Gervais’s show, had 5 times more downloads (300M) than Corolla’s claimed record, makes Corolla’s cultural bragging rights somewhat self-servingly disingenuous.
Regardless, the attacks from the Alt-Wrong continue, and one of the more favored false narratives favorited by these inane incels regarding AOC’s intellect, is based off a comment she made during an interview with the news program, 60 Minutes. A comment that was referred to in the second meme posted by Spring, contained within the AOC collage above.
In Spring’s version, AOC is outed as saying that; “It’s more important to be morally right, than factually correct”, with an immediate response by well-known GQP token and hypocrite Thomas Sowell below it, issuing a harsh rebuke, but as is usual with the majority of Spring’s commentary, it’s not entirely accurate:
Now, while the wording of her annotation is similar, its context is noticeably different, when one goes to the original source of it. Only a false Christian Neocon like Spring, would find or take offense at the common logic suggestion that one should always be concerned about the morality of a choice, rather than the phrasing attached to it.
he crazy one here, but aren’t the GQP the self-declared party of “values”, despite the duality of their having seemingly none to offer, while becoming obviously incensed at the mere suggestion of actual ones being possibly introduced? Seriously guys- pick an opinion, and f**king land on it, already.
I’d also like to call attention if I may, to the fact that the very same people labeling AOC as an unintelligent woman, are also the same ones that ostensibly, have zero issue with Marjorie Taylor Greene ranting about “Jewish Space Lasers”, or when Lauren Boebert openly espouses the madness of replacement theory, which falsely claims that powerful “elites” are replacing white people with people of color from other countries.
Nevertheless, it cannot be said that the GQP is incapable of having a Plan “B” when their asinine attacks fail to leave a mark, and in the case of the strong intelligent women that they despise, if they can’t push the outdated sexist trope that the fairer sex is intellectually weaker, they’ll rely on their other favorite proverbial low-hanging fruit, that being the condemnation or mockery of their physical appearance:
To refresh your memory, may I point out that the mango-tinted-man-child-worshipping-man-tard that posted these cravenly sexist absurdities concerning women far smarter, if not far more accomplished than he will ever be, looks like this:
Back the hell off ladies, for this sex-god, resembling the type of guy you’d see lurking around the darkened corners of a woman’s dressing room, is happily taken, and no longer a free agent. I once heard it said that all women in the end, eventually “settles”, but JFC, how far down into the bedrock did Jimmy’s wife have to drill to find this misogynistic dinosaur?
I’ve oft said it before that no person is truly a walking cartoon or an intractable stereotype, but if I were tasked to find the best representation of bumper sticker ideology made flesh traversing this giant ball of granite and space-dust, Spring here, would most certainly be my go-to guy for the achieving of such.
And while his previously revealed flaws of charter are annoying enough, it’s Spring’s contradictory assertions and dictations of proper social etiquette, that I really enjoy:
So, to recap for all you ladies out there, just remember that looks aren’t important, unless of course, you dare to accessorize yourself with accoutrements that buck conventional societal mores. Because as we all know, there’s no advice that women appreciate more than the kind offered up by a septuagenarian misogynist, who is unknown to them.
And as an aside, the inadvertent irony of Spring, whom has quite the history of making bigoted, racist, and sexist remarks concerning persons he does not, or cares not, to know, publicly submitting his … let’s just call it “wisdom” for dissemination, is nothing less than a prime example of misfired arrogant hilarity.
And as an aside, the inadvertent irony of Spring, whom has quite the history of making bigoted, racist, and sexist remarks concerning persons he does not, or cares not, to know, publicly submitting his … let’s just call it “wisdom” for dissemination, is nothing less than a prime example of misfired arrogant hilarity. But as it is to be expected, and despite its inanity, Spring just keeps pushing his inconsistent tripe, nevertheless:
Well, this is a range of emotional opinions, is it not? We go from a solid protocol of respecting women for who they are, to implying that men are failing in their need to be “masculine”, to suggesting that its perfectly acceptable to harm a woman for daring to disagree with you. Yup. What a perfectly rational thought process, given these modern times.
I do wonder however, that when Spring goes out and harvests these moronic memes as a monument to his misogynistic mental mediocrity, does he ever catch the small details within them, like I tend to do? I hate to nitpick, but if I were ever to post a meme regarding to American capitalism that takes place inside a car, I’d endeavor to make sure the car that was depicted, had the steering wheel configuration on the correct side of said car, at least.
And while I do know that Spring’s last meme is intended to be a joke, it’s far more apparent that it’s a subtle confession to confirming his fear of independent women in general, For the record such as it is, I don’t find it funny in the slightest. Violence against women, whether implied or virtual, is not a laughing matter, and the fact that Spring so casually presents it as a punchline, just gives to show that his platitudes advocating for the respect of women, are as morally thin as his intellect.
Seriously Jimmy, that’s just lazy as f**k hate you’re spreading here- bring your “A” game next time. I do find it interesting though in relation to the “masculine” meme, how often Spring, the alleged “straight Christian” circles back around to “men being men”, whatever the hell that means in an age where gender representation is a far more fluid construct than at any other point in our country’s history.
But Spring knows who the real enemy of masculinity and femininity is, and he’s not afraid to announce it to the world entire, along with also proving yet again, exactly just how hatefully ignorant he is:
For the record such as it is, representing oneself as Trans is NOT a mental illness, nor is it anybody else’s business how somebody chooses to present themselves to the public, or what they prefer to be called in regards to the same.
Speaking only for myself, I will say that I have no problem whatsoever using the nomenclature that a person asks for, nor do I carry any modicum of hostile disparagement in concern to their chosen lifestyle, as well. Your life is your life, and my life is my life. Just wash your hands, tip your server, and whatever you do, please don’t take the handicapped parking space if you don’t need it, as I walk with a cane- that’s all that I ask,
Nevertheless, as an aside, I’d also point out that the definition of a mental illness is as such: “Any of a broad range of medical conditions (such as major depression, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, or panic disorder) that are marked primarily by sufficient disorganization of personality, mind, or emotions to impair normal psychological functioning and cause marked distress or disability and that are typically associated with a disruption in normal thinking, feeling, mood, behavior, interpersonal interactions, or daily functioning.”
Now, I’m not entirely sure how a psychiatrist would characterize Spring’s consistent talking to a mythical “God”, his unwarrantedly paranoid fear of the LGBTQ Community, his inherent racism and rampant misogyny, and his publicly presenting unquestionable delusions based on conspiracy theories so insane, that even L. Ron Hubbard would give them the cold shoulder, and he’s the loon behind the “church” of Scientology.
With all that empirical data in mind, I would be truly supposed if any head-shrinker worth their salt, would dare suggest anything other than the fact that if there were ever an unwilling but fully deserving tenant who needed to occupy a secured room wallpapered in bubble-wrap for an extended siesta of sorts, Spring would most definitely fit that bill nicely.
Whereas Spring is seemingly concerned however, the merest granting of human dignity to a Transperson is akin to not only giving Satan himself a free reach-around, but topping it off with an act of brain-salad surgery as well. If you don’t understand my reference, just ask any true Emerson Lake & Palmer fan, for they’ll happily tell you as well. And if you can’t find one of those, you can always ask your mom.
Although, if she does tell you, it will probably be presented wrapped in deeply begrudging regret.
I delved into Spring’s openly willful dislike/distrust/degradation of the LGBTQ community over the course of the last screed in which he was featured, but to be quite honest, I feel like I barely scratched the surface of his homophobia when I did so, for Spring’s near-obsessive fascination with alternative lifestyles, is right up there with my wish to trap George Lucas in an elevator for 30 minutes, so I can yell at him for ruining “Return of the Jedi’ by adding in those damn annoying Ewoks.
What can I say? We all have some strange life goals we’d like to achieve, and there’s no goddamn way in Hell that I will believe that a bunch of waddling dead-eyed, creepy AF, teddy bears armed with only stone-age technology defeated a cadre of Stormtroopers equipped with E-11 Blaster Rifles.
And yes… I WILL fight you on this. Hard.
But just like the unfortunately obsessed Austrian art professor turned NAZI agent Elsa Schneider, in “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade”, Spring can’t leave his Holy Grail of Hatred well enough alone, and he most certainly can’t accept the fact that gender assignation is no longer a construct of an abstract theorem, but a verified aspect of today’s societal certainty.
Nonetheless, Spring, who takes his scientific, societal, and interpersonal cues from a book of Bronze-Age fairy-tales, is steadfast in his determination to showcase the lack of branches on his family tree, and he does so, by openly displaying his ability to miss the obvious point, by misdirecting the conversation to avoid discussing that which is most relevant to gender identity, the mental acceptance of who one truly is, rather than the physical shell which may say otherwise:
Good point, Jimmy! Now if you could, please tell me which of those skeletons was also Gay, Trans, Conservative, Liberal, of a hateful false Christian hypocrite like yourself. And when you’re done establishing that, kindly inform me as to who the Nickelback fans among them were, so that we can call in a young priest and an old driest, to exorcise the demons that they may still carry.
Speaking of carrying abominable things, Spring’s ever-increasing paranoid ignorance as to who Transpeople are and what they truly represent, is only matched by his social illiteracy in being unable to differentiate between the numerous subdivisions that exist in tandem alongside said Trans-culture, as evidenced by this asinine posting, wherein he displays once again, both his intellectual immaturity, if not his single-digit IQ:
First off, I’d like to point out to those who like Spring, cannot discern between paranoiac fantasy and verified reality, that this is not an accurate depiction of persons who are Transgender, but of the uniquely interesting subculture known as “Furries”, instead.
To note; the definition of a Transperson is accepted as thus: “A Transgender person is someone who experiences Gender Dysphoria, a feeling in which their gender identity or expression of such, does not correspond with their biological sex.
This often leads Transgenders to assuage their societal and mental discomfort, by undertaking an allegorical and sometimes literal, physical transitioning, often implementing a different name in lieu of their now “dead” one, as well as espousing a defined set of pronouns as they do.”
But the Furries depicted within Spring’s ill-considered meme however, are a far different lot, and while they may seem slightly more fascinating culturally, they’re definitively not as compelling as the stories of the TG community, in this writer’s humble opinion. But what pray tell, is a Furry you ask/?
Well, according to Wikipedia, a Furry is: “A member of a subculture interested in anthropomorphic animal characters. Examples of anthropomorphic attributes include exhibiting human intelligence and facial expressions, speaking, walking on two legs, and wearing clothes.”
A descriptive that is best illustrated by the photo below, representing what stereotypically passes as (to some extent) the standard attire for both male and female Furry aficionados alike:
Keeping in mind that I’m really not into this sort of thing, I’d still have to acknowledge that if I was, I would definitely buy that foxy lady a few drinks, unless of course, said Furry and I, could use the same Mach3 razor for the same intended purpose. No offense to the Furry community at large, but if I ever flip teams, it’s going to be for a guy that looks like 1995’s Pierce Brosnan in Goldeneye, and not one who resembles a squirrel.
Sorry / not sorry.
That metaphorical situation aside, Furries are not exclusively Transgender, even if the subculture itself, may tend to have members who actually are. Very much in the same way that knowing a queer person doesn’t make you an immediate expert on the collected works of Barbara Streisand and Cher, being a Transperson, doesn’t automatically make them an immediate member of every societal subculture that you may find deviant, as Spring apparently does.
Nevertheless, while Spring’s preoccupation with the TG facet of the LGBTQ Community borders on the disturbing in and of itself, it’s his continuing obsession with what are known as “Drag Queens”, that truly allows his wretched homophobia to take center stage.
For the uninitiated, a drag queen is [characteristically] a gay male, although some queens self-identify as either transgender or curiously enough, as cisgender. Drag queens assume both a female persona and their gender-specific clothing in order to perform routines, which stereotypically, could be classified as “over -the-top”.
While their chosen art and lifestyle was once relegated to the allegorical backrooms of most entertainment venues, there has been a growing societal acceptance of the DQ subculture over the last few years, thanks to well-known Queens such as RuPaul and Bianca Del Rio, and it is yet another thing that Spring, ever the eternal bigot and intellectual void, cannot simply abide:
And there it is, the bullspit gambit that is the “Protect the Children” narrative, foisted upon society by the very same people who in their quest to protect said children, have deliberately cut their social benefits, underfunded their public schools, demonized their single mothers and working-class parents, and whom have also done nothing of note to stop the epidemic of mass shootings in their schools, but I digress.
The callousness displayed towards DQ’s is founded upon the incessant need that Conservatives have to degradate that which in their hive mindset, they have determined to be the “Other”- a faceless and soulless entity that exists only to be mocked and reviled, by persons who desire a perpetual scapegoat to blame the ills of the world on, be they real or fantastical.
And as you may have foreseen, Spring, a man who sees everyone he doesn’t care to understand as adversaries, is only too happy to get on the hate wagon, and wave his pious pitchfork in protest:
Jesus F Christ, Jimmy. It’s one thing to have an opinion on a non-issue, asinine as it is, but for a refreshing change, could you just once, base yours off the bedrock of actually defined reality? F**k dude, I’ve got lawn furniture that’s smarter than you, and that s**t came from Walmart.
In order of Spring’s stupidity, no teacher anywhere, is “fighting’ to keep drag queens in schools, and the reason why the Bible isn’t allowed as part of the curriculum in public schools, is because we live in a constitutional republic and NOT a goddamn theocracy.
And no, kids don’t need parents reading them passages from within a book that describes numerous acts of murder, rape, sodomy, racism, slavery, misogyny, genocide, and clueless subjugation to a mythical and mercurial, sociopathic deity. If I had kids, I’d rather that “Goodnight Moon” be read to them by the absolutely fabulous Trixie Mattel, rather than your Bronze-Age version of a “Saw” film with angels.
However, it’s that last meme of Spring’s that really sticks in my allegorical craw, as it is equal parts ignorance, bigotry, and outright hypocrisy, which at this point, I’m starting to think is Spring’s personal superpower. To retort, no, it is not “easier” to get a DQ into a school than a Christmas tree, you f**king loon, and quite honestly, having you lecture us all on moral degeneracy, is akin to attending a class on food preparation, hosted by Jeffery Dahmer.
In short order Jimmy Ray, you’re a homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic, misogynistic, racist faux Christian, who not only supports the current GQP platform based on unwarranted fear, conspiracies, and sociopathy, but its de facto leader as well, that being a man who openly spews falsehoods, cheats on his spouse, steals government secrets, attempts insurrection, and brags about the women he’s sexually assaulted, as if he were talking about the items on his bucket list.
So maybe just maybe, when it comes to your sanctimonious sermonizing upon that which is good or evil, perhaps you should, I don’t know… sit this one right the f**k out? But as it is with all curs politically rabid, Spring isn’t about to let a good bone go unmolested, even if he has to add a vile context to it that on no level, actually exists:
“Save the Children” say the very same people who cut welfare programs that feed and house them, purposefully underfund the public schools that educate them, as they refuse to enact reasonable gun control to stop mass school shootings within said schools, while banning and burning the books that should be inside them, and who demand that the pregnant children of rape and incest, be forced to carry the resultant spawn of such atrocities to full term, but I digress.
As for Spring’s erroneous inference that DQs pose a severe threat to children, I’d counter with the proven fact that when it comes to the carnal orientation of sexual offenders, the ratio of heterosexual to homosexual pedophiles, was calculated to be approximately 11-1. In other words, the kids that Spring professes such fawning concern over, have far more to be worried about from someone like him, rather than anyone like RuPaul.
And in an even far more relevant note, I’d like to point out that while there have been over twenty-five schoolchildren killed this year in mass shooting events, there have been ZERO fatalities resulting from their alleged exposure to a drag queen show. But in concern to Spring’s need to fuel his own paranoia regarding a topic he knows not a thing about, and in all honesty, doesn’t care to, I do have a simple message that he needs to take to heart, and it is thus:
Sad to say though, that as it has been revealed over the last two screeds as well as this one, and as I’ve noted previously, Reality and Spring parted company quite some time ago, and the odds of an amicable reconciliation are probably just as strong as the band formerly known as Oasis, successfully getting through a reunion tour without lead singer Liam Gallagher and his brother Noel, killing one another..
In other words, the chances are practically nonexistent.
Irrespective of this sad testament to the highly publicized failure of an interpersonal relationship, anyone who dares to willingly dive into Spring’s mentally-deficient psyche, will ultimately realize that they’re treading metaphorical merde in a cesspool overflowing with the vilest character flaws that a human being can present to the world, and even worse, it never sems to empty, regardless of how much logic draws out of it.
When the arrogance of his inanity fails, Spring resorts to intellectually weak personal attacks. When those miss the mark, he then hides behind the shield of his false faith, and when that gambit invariably crushes inward as it always does, he goes straight into the allegorical state of Def-Con 4, and launches the most repulsive and unwarranted of conspiracy theories, in order to maintain the small-dick energy that buttresses his vile ideology:
For those of you unfamiliar with the context, I’ll explain: in a chilling attack during the early hours of October 27th, 2022, Paul Pelosi, the 82-year-old husband of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D) awoke to find a mentally-disturbed individual by the name of David DePape, standing next to his bed, wielding a hammer, carrying a bundle of Zip ties, and demanding to know exactly where Pelosi’s wife was.
He also was in possession of a roll of tape, a length of white rope, one pair of rubber and cloth gloves, and unless DePape was there to make a pinata out of common household items, his intent seems pretty obvious, especially given the fact that during the encounter, Pelosi suffered a skull fracture and serious injuries to his right arm and hands, but thankfully, is expected to make a full recovery.
According to the San Francisco Police, DePape told officers [allegedly] that “he was going to hold Nancy hostage and talk to her.” And that he would let her go if she were to tell him the “truth,” and if she “lied,” he was going to break “her kneecaps.”, ending his statement to officers with the assertion that “he viewed Nancy as the ‘leader of the pack’ of lies told by the Democratic Party,”
He also added that; “I didn’t really want to hurt him, but you know, this was a suicide mission”, which of course, is a statement that points all indicators towards a gay tryst gone askew, rather than a deranged plan of action put in play by a man who is nuttier than a twenty-dollar pecan pie.
DePape is currently facing prison time for attempted homicide, assault with a deadly weapon, elder abuse, and burglary, as well as several federal charges, including one count of assault on an immediate family member of a U.S. official “with the intent to retaliate against the official on account of the performance of official duties,” according to a statement by the Department of justice, along with one count of attempted kidnapping of a federal official, which if combined with the other outstanding charge, could lead to a sentence of no less than five decades.
But feel free to overlook all that, as Spring has willfully done, because in his warped worldview, a horrific attack on an octogenarian who has no political influence save for being the husband of a politico that Spring despises, is irrelevant to the situation that he sees as opportune to score some non-points by disseminating a repulsive rumor, rather than expressing what should be disgust at the event itself.
Spring’s glee at doing so, based on nothing but his inherent lunacy and devotion to a personality cult, is in and of itself, not all that shocking, considering his well-documented false sense of Christianity, along with his seething hatred of those who don’t agree with him, but even I find myself stunned at just how easily he swallowed this Alt-Wrong manufactured bullspit, especially given the fact that most of his mouth is preoccupied with allegorically fellating Trump’s allegedly mediocre mushroom.
To be fair, while Spring’s devotion not to his mythical God, but to a mango-tinted man-child who would turn him into a Soylent Green souffle in a heartbeat if he needed a snack, is at this point rather well-established, this new aspect of personal sadism, concerning a man who has so many sticks up his ass, that he’s been designated a woodland refuge, was not quite the character growth I was expecting to see.
If I may, let, me punch just a few holes in Spring’s Gloat Boat, and then we can gauge just how well it will float, when the ballast of actual Reality is added to it. First, I’d point out that if Pelosi was “notorious’ for both frequenting gay bars and bringing home club-boys, as the meme claims, I can most certainly assure you that the GQP would have weaponized such intel years ago, and Trump would have unquestionably, been in the forefront of using such scandalous information to its fullest political advantage.
And yet… no witnesses have come forward to back up such claims. Not one for-hire rent-boy. Not one club employee, taxi driver, or supposed “neighbor” who observed such activity, either. In addition, there’s no photographs, no videos, be they personal or off a security-cam, and no further proof in the way that only emails, texts, or a record of curiously timed phone calls, would so easily provide.
As for the rest implying that Pelosi and DePape were in a “consensual sexual relationship”, I’d call attention to the fact that not only is there no evidence to bolster such an asinine assertion, but that DePape has a long [and well-documented] history of struggling with the dual demons of mental illness and drug abuse, and according to an ex-girlfriend, once harbored the delusion that he was Jesus, for almost a year.
But yes, it must be a case of a queer relationship gone wrong, versus an obvious occurrence of a mentally fragile man being influenced by the sheer madness of the Alt-Wring ideology, as his friends and family have repeatedly claimed to anyone who would listen. Unfortunately for them, as well as DePape and Pelosi, Spring is as deaf to their declarations, as he is to the siren-call of fact-based Logic.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present one James Ray Spring: Patriot. Native Oklahoman. Proud MAGAt. And as we’ve all just witnessed, one dumber than f**k whacked out conspiracy theorist. And let’s never forget, he’s also a devout self-declared Christian, to boot. I say “self-declared”, because there’s no way in allegorical Hell that this repulsively amalgamated shell of hubris and hate could ever make it past the Golden Gates without reproach.
However, Spring is not above extending the spiritual olive branch as it were, and every now and then, he’ll actually post something positive, if not inspirational:
At first glance, even I would say that I agree with this message, despite the repeatedly displayed cultural abhorrence of the one who delivered it. For after all, it would be nice to find that happy medium yet again where opposing views were met with the politeness of agreeing to disagree, rather than credible threats of violence, or having one’s’ mother compared to being a post-compensated landing strip for itinerant dockworkers.
Granted, such hostility is to be expected given the upheaval of what were once the social norms, but to be fair, it’s kind of difficult to accept the veracity of Spring’s meme, given all the inarguable evidence that his hypocrisy far outweighs his civility. Spring exists in a self-made world of fear, ignorance, and hate, and nothing will ever change that, because as a rule, his world is the only world he’s ever known, and as such, there’s no room or time for acts of transformative self-introspection.
Or so I thought:
Now, if I were a charitable person, I would ascribe this declaration as a measure of noble character growth, but as I’ve been swimming in Spring’s warped psyche for the last few months, I know that this is just another attempt to justify his humanistic and spiritual weaknesses.
is a bigot, a misogynist, a homophobe, a transphobe, a xenophobe, a flaming hypocrite, and an arrogant racist, and I can assure you that if God does indeed exist, Spring better make peace with the fact that he’s going to be spending eternity serving as the coat-check girl in the sixth circle of Hell.
Speaking of which, it seems that Spring is already well in touch with the insidious powers of the Dark, and despite being one of God’s self-declared stalwarts called up to battle the malevolent, decides to merge with them instead, issuing an unwarrn6ted slur aimed at the Trans community- you knew, just like Jesus would do:
Sigh… looks like ol’ Jimmy Ray here, forgot about the passage in the owner’s manual that he’s never read, that being Isaiah 45:7, which states that; “I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I THE LORD DO ALL THESE THINGS” Now, I’ve referenced Isaiah before, but it’s the message of John 4:20 that Spring should probably heed.
You know, when he’s done slandering those he despises, in the name of Christ?
For the uninitiated among you, John 4:20 succinctly covers the transgression that Spring is most guilty of, that the professing of love and devotion for the mythical Lord and his works, but in the reality of the public sphere, displaying nothing but contempt for his fellow man, woman, or Transperson.
From John 4:20: “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” Given all that, I ask you: does this meme posted by Spring, represent a devout Christian following the essence of the Word, or a mindless cultist, following the lead of a political movement long devoid of humanity, charity, tolerance, or common sense?
I’ll leave that assessment up to you:
However, if you find yourself wavering on the razor’s edge, take into your considerations that there’s also this warped presentation of God’s mercy and grace, delivered by a person who quite obviously, has never possessed either quality, and thinks that unbridled vengeance is the far better option for maintaining a civil society:
Let’s draw a comparison here, shall we? I am, and always have been, an ardent supporter of the death penalty, believing that its application should be solely reserved for only the worst of crimes and their perpetrators. And while I am also as equally behind carrying out said sentences far more quickly depending on the jurisdictional issues involved, I don’t take its use lightly, or flippantly.
However, given Spring’s almost sociopathic reaction in relation to women, gays, minorities, and the Trans community asserting their constitutional rights, I get the feeling that in Spring’s version of Utopia, such people would find themselves eliminated on the hour, for the supposed “sin” of daring to live their own lives contradictory to his archaic and asinine beliefs.
But this is not to say that down deep in the withered and blackened prune that substitutes fir his formerly working heart, there isn’t some sense of compassion still beaming. Sure, we haven’t seen Spring apply it to any of the people that Jesus tells him he should offer it to, but Spring knows best.
Of that, I’m unquestionably certain.
In fact, Spring does have a soft spot it seems, for the natural enemies of organized religion, that being the insidious cabal armed with Logic and Science known as Atheists, or as most religious groups tend to call them; “heathens”. Sane people on the other hand, tend to refer to them as … well, “sane people”, so how you view them I guess, all depends on just how you apply your personal perspective to the situation laid out before you.
And when it comes to dealing with those who don’t believe in what Spring believes, he’s more than mature enough to accept their point of view, while happily maintaining his own, despite their insistence on mocking his:
Wow. Who would have thought that Spring, an otherwise hypocritical false Christiaan, could actually possess the inherent ability to publicly declare that he has zero issues with those who are adamantly opposed to his faith’s insistence on jamming their sociopathic myth into every facet of our personal lives, regardless of our interest?
I mentioned the concept of character growth earlier, but this right here, my loyal Bitchiteers, is character growth on a colossal scale. In fact, I’m so Impressed, that I’m going to take back some of the things that I said, and… oh wait, what’s this? Spring has some further visual commentary regarding Atheism? Well, I’m sure that if anything, it’s definitely going to change my opinion of the man, given his previously posted open-mindedness:
I tell you now, as I’ve told you before, that one day, and this hopefully very soon, I’m trading in my gut instinct for one that actually freaking works. But as usual, Spring has posted some asinine theorems, and as the Chosen Snark of All, it’s my duty to eviscerate them, in my stereotypically kind fashion, with sensitivity and the gentlest of wry humor.
In order of intellectual density: ”They” don’t go after Satanists Jimmy Ray, because (A) Satanists don’t believe that Satan is real, his name being chosen as a means to provoke a reaction from you guys, and unlike your movement comprised of cafeteria Christians, they don’t push their ideology into our schools, government, bedrooms and personal medical decisions.
And here’s a real kick in the pants Jimmy, Satanism’s rules of personal conduct, are far more self-responsible than yours, to boot, and are known in tandem, as The Seven Fundamental Tenets, and The.Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth.
The Seven as they stand:
(1) One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.
(2) The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
(3) One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.
(4) The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one’s own.
(5) Beliefs should conform to one’s best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one’s beliefs.
(6) People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one’s best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.
(7) Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.
Conversely, the Eleven declare that you;
(!) Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
(2) Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
(3) When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
(4) If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
(5) Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.
(6) Do not take that which does not belong to you, unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.
(7) Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
(8) Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
(9) Do not harm little children.
(10) Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
(11) When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
Overall, and by comparison, both of these codes of self-responsibility, kick the living crap out of the celestially determined by “God” edicts that Spring acknowledges, but rarely if ever, follows. And within that particular set of ten underpinning his said faith, I’d note that there’s no less than TREE reminders on just how to properly kiss that deity’s allegorical ass, lest ye be sentenced to Hell for all eternity. To which, I’ll take a hard pass on both aspects, thank you very much.
Say what you will about Satanism, but at least their allegoric 7-11 doesn’t sell scapegoats.
Now, as to the commentary encapsulated within Spring’s second meme, I have yet to hear any high-level Atheist publicly claim that the Universe as we know it, was created by “Aliens”, or come across any atheistic source saying this is so, but to be fair, when someone believes that there’s a sky-daddy watching everything you do from his celestial home located above you in the clouds, it’s not like you can sit down and nave a rational discussion regarding their fantastical fallacies to begin with.
As an added bonus, Spring’s third meme is a beautiful example of his consistently unaware hypocrisy, wherein he calls out his supposed adversaries, for engaging in the very same activities that he regularly engages in himself, such as attacking those people and institutions that he doesn’t like. To note, the only time I’ve ever see an Atheist metaphorically “attack” someone, is when said person is trying to push their sociopathic myth into an arena that neither requires it, or more Importantly, demanded it in the first place
Nevertheless, when Spring finds a beat he likes, he sticks with it, even if the record he’s playing, is warped:
Once again, Spring’s unawareness of just how the world actually works, in regards to his faith not doing half as well, creates an inadvertent atmosphere of hilarious hypocrisy. When you believe in the “God” theorem as the seed of all Creation, you have no room mocking the one regarding the “Big Bang”, which unlike the celestial concept, left behind verifiable evidence in its defense.
Not to mention, the reason why the Bible outlaws the more unholy desires of Man, is for the sole purpose of controlling them, which shockingly, is more of a human construct, than one that could (or should) be ascribed to the otherworldly, instead. And as for the final meme, that purported exchange is as close to the schoolyard taunt of “I know you are but what am I?” that I have ever seen, as it’s been applied here, to the subject of all that which is holy.
And as an aside, while Lennox’s achievements serving as the Professor of Mathematics at Oxford University are impressive, he’s still a Christian apologist going up against the man who while he was still alive, made significant scientific discoveries concerning; the origins of the Universe, Time itself, the Big Bang Theory, gravitational and spacetime singularities, Black Hole radiation the theory of a universe without spacetime boundaries, and the strong probability of extraterrestrial life being actually existent.
But please John… ignore the contradictory nature of your Bronze-Age fairy-tale, and tell us more about your fantastical, mercurial, sociopathic sky-daddy- I’m sure that we can all benefit from hearing just why we have to live on our knees, satisfying his pointlessly cruel and selfish personal whims.
I’d also point out that science has definitive evidence, whereas Mythology, and by critical extension, it’s pathology of magical thinking, simply does not, so feel free to suck on that John, and suck it hard.
Now, as I do know how annoyingly distressing this fact can be to people who believe in a reanimated zombie and former carpenter as their savior, I’ll just ignore pointing out the inconsistencies in their for-display-only coffee table boasting book, and sometimes alternative beer coaster, and dive straight into my next dissertation, which this time, will concern itself with dissecting Spring’s unwarranted sense of self-righteousness:
To repeat a by-now-familiar refrain, I’ll address this density in order- no Jimmy Ray, Democrats do not “hate God, Family, and Country”, and even if we did, so what? For a guy who walks with the supposed most powerful being in the known Universe, you seem awfully threatened when his non-existence is directly pointed out to you.
As for the rest, you clueless dumbf**k, we also have families, both traditional and not-so-much, and we will happily continue to protect them from your racist, transphobic, misogynistic, homophobic policies crafted to destroy them, and as we live in this country still, we’re obviously okay with it as it exists. What we do “hate” however, is your party claiming to be the sole progenitor of ethical values, and displaying little to none, in regards to the issue that you claim to hold sacred.
Hershel Walker and his supposed stance on abortion and the social and cultural issue of African-American men abandoning their families as an allegorical litmus test, anyone? And let’s not forget your ostensibly endless fascination with being part of a personality cult that fetishizes death.
Case in point: the meme stating directly, that “God” has the “right” to destroy us all at any point, “no questions asked.” Guess what, motherf**ker- I’ve got some serious questions to ask, and they ain’t gonna be respectful in either their tone or content, as any so-called “sin” placed upon me or others, is all his fault to begin with.
By this, I mean to say that if “God” knows everything [he’s omnipotent, remember] that is going to happen, then why in his name, would he endow his most favored creation with the Free Will that for a majority, would most certainly, engineer their spiritual downfall? That’s not the caring plan of an all-loving father, that’s the checklist of a f**king serial killer, intent on making a tuxedo from the skin of his next-door neighbors.
But the best part of this little meme fest, is the blatant hypocrisy of the third meme, listing all the sins that Spring supposedly abhors. And as a public service, I’m more than happy to go through them, one by one, and note just why Spring’s reproach of them is do goddamn disingenuous.
“It’s not an affair, it’s Adultery.: And yet outwardly, Spring has zero issue with the multitudes of adulterous affairs committed by the brethren of his party, ranging from Marjorie Taylor Greene to Donald Trump himself, but maybe the reason he hasn’t addressed this hypocrisy on FB, is because he hasn’t discovered the right meme to do so, thus far.
“It’s not safe sex, it’s Fornication”: Spoken like a truly frustrated incel who had to get married, in order to play a round of Oklahoman Bajingo, without having to pay for it first. Now given this statement, this infers that Spring was a virgin when he got married, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but yet… I’ve never seen a post of his where he addresses young men about the sanctity of remaining a virgin until they’re legally betrothed, so I guess this message of chastity is for the women out there only… as always.
“It’s not gay love, it’s Sodomy.” I hate to be the one yet again who has to break new information to you Jimmy Ray, but there’s an awful lot of Christians out there who’ve willingly incorporated some seriously ”gay” practices into their private sex lives, so you just might want to back off this particular topic, whose minutiae it can be said, you seem far more interested in, than the people who are actually espousing it.
“It’s not veneration, it’s Idolatry”: Really, Jimmy Ray? Do tell:
For the sake of clarity, I have no idea what the original Golden Calf originally looked like, but I’d bet dollars to doughnuts, that this depiction of a false prophet sitting in a golden palace replete with the Whore of Babble-on at his side, is the closest we’ll ever get to witnessing a modern-day reboot.
Sadly however, this mango-tinted calf lacks the one quality that its predecessor had in buckets- the ability to be relegated to the scrap pile, once the people who adored it, realized their collective mistake in worshiping it.
“It’s not pro-choice, it’s Murder”: No, Jimmy. It’s not. And you would know this, if you on occasion, actually picked up a science book, rather than rely on the Bronze-Age one full of fairy-tales that doesn’t mention abortion even once within its pages. Which is somewhat odd, when given the fact that God randomly slaughters babies and other innocents by the truck-load, when the mercurial mood strikes him.
I’m not going to retread an argument that I’ve written about at length before, [Check out the AB “Archive” for further details] but I’m also not going to take any ethical guidance from a party who, when confronted with evidence from The Daily Beast that self-declared “Pro-Lifer” and GQP Candidate Herschel Walker having paid for multiple abortions, ignored his hypocrisy outright.
Well sort of, anyway.
Turns out, that ex-NRA soulless shill and fellow Conservative dissembler Dana Loesch, most definitely had an opinion regarding the controversy, asserting: “How many times have I said four very important words? These four words: Winning is a virtue, And, please keep in mind that I am concerned about one thing, and one thing only at this point. So, I don’t care if Herschel Walker paid to abort endangered baby eagles. I want control of the Senate.”
Continuing with her ducking of the actual issue at hand, Loesch cemented her disingenuous position of deflection by declaring: “If the Daily Beast story is true, you’re telling me Walker used his money to reportedly pay some skank for an abortion, and Sen. Raphael Warnock wants to use all of our moneys to pay a whole bunch of skanks for abortions, So, it doesn’t change anything for me!”
“Skanks”, Dana? Were you referring to the numerous women that your so-called family values candidate knocked up, and then abandoned as if they were the condoms that he should have used? Even more interestingly, I’ve noticed that the very same people who demanded that Colin Kapernick shut the f**k up and play football, nave yet to say the same to the brain-dead and disingenuous dumbf**k, that is Herschel Walker.
Nevertheless, I’m confident that’s just an oversight, and not a bigoted delineation of who’s being a good “boy” and who isn’t. I guess the status of endangered fetuses to the GQP is rendered unimportant, when the advantage of throwing them under their candidate’s campaign bus to aid in his political traction instead, becomes far more prevalent to their garnering of votes.
But if you could Jimmy Ray, please lecture us all about the evils of Abortion, as your party willingly abandons its supposedly sacred principles. I’m sure we could all learn a valuable lesson from doing so, that being the inarguable fact that your party’s metaphorical house of ethics, sits on the quickest of sand.
“It’s not alcoholism, it’s Drunkenness”: Once again, in reference to an inanity that you’ve posted, you self-righteous twunt: no, it’s not. It’s the inability to control drinking, due to both a physical and emotional dependence on alcohol. And in order to achieve its cessation, it requires a multi-level approach, involving physical detoxification, behavioral therapy, the possibility of being medicated, and yes, even a measure of understanding, which as a supposed “Christian”, you should possess in buckets, but seemingly don’t.
For as James 2:14-17 puts it; “What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him? If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.”
Nevertheless Jimmy Ray, I’m sure that Jesus still loves you anyway, because as we all know, he tends to play kind of fast and loose with that whole ”do unto others “ thing, so even though you’re willingly turning your back on those who need your help if not your compassion the most, I’m sure he’d be still down with you not offering either to those afflicted with a crippling addiction.
Sure, he might have once turned water into wine, but in all seriousness, he can’t expect you to take that arrogantly sanctimonious chunk of coal in your chest, and turn it back into a working heart, can he? But let’s take a deep look at that last part of secular smugness that Spring gifted us all with, that being the warning; “Do not trivialize your sin. It’s time to Repent.”
And as the word “repent” is the only one capitalized, we know that Spring is truly serious about it. But what exactly, does that word really mean in a day and age where Logic and Reason should far outweigh the intellectually void of slavish devotion to a Bronze-Age ideology?
Well, for the uninitiated yet again, here’s the standardized definition: “To feel sorry, self-reproachful, or contrite for past conduct; regret or be conscience-stricken about a past action, attitude, etc. To feel such sorrow for sin or fault, as to be disposed to change one’s life for the better; be penitent.”
Hmm. Given that definition, I wonder if Spring will ever feel the need to repent for his bigoted stance concerning the civil rights of African-Americans, or his homo / transphobia regarding the LGBTQ Community at large, and let us not forget, the amazing amount of dedication he’s shown to steadfastly remaining a knuckle-dragging misogynist, along with his being a religious hypocrite, as well.
To loosely paraphrase a statement by the late Frank Zappa, despite the sanctimonious shrillness of Spring’s assertions and/or threats that us nonbelievers are the ones to be certainly facing an eternity in the fiery pit where the fallen angels with the horns and the pointy fork-sticks do their business, it’s actually the self-declared faux Christians who are the most at risk of becoming a personal sex-and-chew-toy for the Lord High Satan himself.
This might be the appropriate time for me to address the reality that the assigning of something as being either Good or Evil, comes down to the duality of how one applies their perspective and personal power to the situation at hand, for as it is noted in Romans 10:3; “For they being ignorant of God’s righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God.”
In essence, God is saying; “That’s my awesomeness you’re supposed to be bragging about, not your own”, so by Spring abusing the cover of his faith to justify demonizing those unknown to him, he openly violates the edict of Romans 10:3 without question.
So, if there truly is a Hell, Jimmy Ray, its fires await you and your faux proselyting ilk- not us.
While somewhat caustically harsh, I’ll stand behind this opinion of mine with a bucket of my own blood, for one simple reason, and it is this- hypocrisy in the eyes of the mythical God, is one of the biggest sins of all, and Spring is one of its biggest fomenters, if not a supreme collector of such.
Label my cynicism as arrogant, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if and when, the End Times finally arrive, and blares its clarion call, Spring is going to drop to his knees faster than a Catholic priest at a Boy Scout Jamboree, desperately attempting to stave off that which most certainly, has just been waiting in store for him.
Karma may be a bitch as the saying goes, but trust me, it’s got nothing on a pissed-off Savior who’s been watching the Word he gifted to his favorite Creations, getting perverted by the very same, as if it were a busload of pre-teens visiting Jeffery Epstein’s house, and just itching to settle his allegorical hash with one of its worst offenders.
I once suggested that Spring stock up on an eternal supply of Aloe Vera for where he was going to be spending his afterlife, but now I’m thinking he should invest in some good-quality BBQ sauce as well, because once he gets there, the Devil is going to be spending all of his free time roasting his duplicitous ass.
Unsurprisingly, if you asked Spring about my premonitions of predictive purgatory, I’m quite certain that he would strongly and definitively disagree. After all, as a self-declared Christian, Spring is more than capable of deciding unlike my firmly rooted in atheism self, just which celestial edicts he’ll follow, and which he’ll choose to just ignore outright.
And disingenuousness be [literally] damned, for regardless of whatever evidence exists, (which he’s usually provided) Spring’s still going to claim the moral high ground, despite his obviously operating from within the bowels of its sewer.
For instance, while Jesus openly and willingly, hung out with social outcasts, such as lepers and prostitutes, I’m confident that if Spring ever found himself sharing an elevator with a Transgender African-American Atheist for 35 seconds, the flop-sweat running off of him as the result for having to do so, would lead to an almost-fatal case of dehydration.
This is not to say however, that even while wading waist-deep in the merde of his own making, Spring isn’t thoughtful enough to share the experience with the rest of us:
This time around, we open up with a meme that graphically shows the epitome of Mankind devolving from free-thinking and logical creatures, into willingly obedient slaves, bowing, scraping, and mewling, at the feet and bequest of a mercurial sociopath, who promises much, but only if certain conditions bordering on the damn near nigh impossible, are met.
The irony of images such as the one displayed, however, lies in the fact that as God’s children, we’re tasked with the endeavor to be sincerely contrite, if not publicly humble, and yet, when the majority of modern-day Christians are observed under the microscope of America’s culture, they’re typically the most arrogantly condemnatory and prideful people you’ve ever met, as attested to by meme number two.
To note, the “End Times” have been predicted by the innumerable score as either forthcoming, or being already well in play, since the early 15th Century, and as of yet, not one of these foretold dates, has been on the money.
I find this circumstance odd, given all the “proof’ that these dimwitted doomsayers claim to have gleaned from unimpeachable sources, ranging from the Bible [naturally] to assumed celestial omens, such as Nickelback being allowed ongoing radio airplay, but as indicated thus far, the End Times are apparently taking their sweet-ass-time getting here, despite all the Evangelical assertions to the latter.
To be quite honest, I’m starting to think that the End Times are nothing more than an elaborate Ponzi scheme, established to create an ever-perpetual climate of fear, as a means to not only separate the gullible from their money, but their mental autonomy as well. This in turn, equally assures both an income stream, as well as an inherent ability to maintain societal control to boot, by those select few who control the machinations of such, hiding in the dark, deep behind the scenes.
But maybe that’s just my properly functioning sense of logic talking, as it tends to do that, when it’s faced with illogically unchecked paranoid fantasies disseminated by wannabe false prophets.
And in a twist that’s far funnier than anything I could ever write, I appreciate the warning from Spring that if we don’t repent to God concerning the original “sin” that he placed upon us knowingly, we’re going to suffer terrible torments at the hands of… you guessed it, the same sociopath who burdened us with it in the first place.
So… one stop shopping, I guess? Talk about convenience.
Speaking of which, I for one, have no idea, nor does anybody else for that matter, know with any form of certainty, exactly what happens when we die. All we as a species have to answer this eternal query, are the most random assortment of philosophies, concerns, and unwarranted hopes, generally based within our collective experiences or what we were taught during our formative years.
Personally, I’ve always ascribed to the scientific theorem of “That which is made cannot be unmade”, but this in and of itself, is somewhat of an abstract thought, at best. Due to that theoretical aspect, I’d refer back to my “unmade” commentary.
Now, for sanity’s sake, I won’t open up the discussion regarding the weight of a soul. as so brilliantly depicted within the sci-fi classic novel “On a Pale Horse” by Piers Anthony, but I do like that its story wryly espouses that a person’s belief, influences the fate of one’s immortal soul. The lone exception of course, being atheists, who seemingly refuse to exist after death.
If I were to expound upon his concept, I’d repeat the words once written by the British philosophical writer James Allen, who said: “Man is made and unmade by himself. In the armory of thought he forges the weapons which will destroy him. He also creates the tools with which he will build for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peach. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and their master.”
In my overview, I can only take these words to infer that as it is staged in “On a Pale Horse”, it is Man alone who places himself respectively in his allegorical Hell or Heaven, as his / her belief influences one’s immortal fate, and not an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-fictional “God” who does so.
Somewhat simplistic, I know, but that’s how I regard it.
An avowed atheist will tell you that we stop existing after death, as I noted previously, but as for myself, a person who has no sense of Faith whatsoever, I still reserve a doubt or two, although they’re not based within the sphere of religious conviction, but more along the lines that if it comes down to the determination of who is far more worthy of respect, me or the deity I regard as wholly mythical, I’ll be the one laying down the judgement, versus the other way around.
So, no Jimmy Ray- there will be no need to “repent” on my part, because so far as I’m concerned, I don’t owe your mercurially maniacal God jackspit. However, in contrast, you might want to invest in a good set of knee-pads, because if you actually do place any serious stock in that mumbo-jumbo you spew, you’re going to be on them for quite some time paying for your sins, long before I ever have to atone for any of my theoretical ones.
This opinion, based on my long-held theorem that if there is a God, he’s either keenly complicit in underpinning the Evil that exists in the world, or powerless to affect it, and regardless of which status it is that he occupies, be it right or wrong he’s irrelevant to any moral decision that I alone, decide to make.
Don’t get me wrong, I like the concept of an eternal resort where serenity is key, and relaxation comes easily, but it sounds boring as frak. Not to mention, the choral music, the holier-than-all atmosphere, and the on the hour affirmation speeches that you just know will be blaring out of the patriarchal PA system, would just suck, after a while
And to be honest, if I were given the choice between eternally attending this kind of party…
Granted, the underappreciated entertainment value of watching Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, and whomever penned the “It’s a Small World” song, serve out their celestially-imposed sentences inside the Universe’s largest Hibachi grill, would be amazing, but I’m also cognizant that Heaven doesn’t want me, and the leadership of Hell is genuinely afraid I’d take over and immediately start screwing with the status quo.
Three simple words, boys and girls: Central. Air. Conditioning.
I will admit however, begrudgingly as it may be, that my particular take on all of this is not going to present itself as everybody’s cup of allegoric tea or Kombucha, for some of you weirder ones out there, and that’s just fine. Variety is the spice of life, after all, so I guess it can (and should) be applied to any discussions of our After-one as well.
But therein lies the key difference between nonbelievers such as myself, and self-declared ones such as Spring- we can handle the discussion, while they and he, as a rule of thumb, refuse to brook the merest attempt at doing so. Take for instance, the context of the last meme, where Spring claims that an errant beam of light constitutes definitive “proof” of a pathway to what I and many others, regard as a wholly mythical Heaven.
If I am understanding pre-ordained Dogma correctly, God, who claims to work in mysterious ways, [see Luke 24:16] and suggests in Matthew 25:13 that we collectively should: “Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh”, just decided to say “screw it”, and provide inarguably definitive proof as to his very existence, via an alleged fatal collieries, rather than any other form of communication available?
Let me explain my cynicism (past the obvious) this way: on April 27, 1986, a disgruntled electrical engineer named John R. MacDougall, [AKA; “Captain Midnight”] successfully hijacked the HBO broadcast signal being transmitted via the Galaxy 1 Satellite, for a time-span of four and a half minutes, during which period, a bizarre video featuring 80’s POP culture icon Max Headroom was aired in lieu of the film “The Falcon and the Snowman” that had been currently in progress before the interruption occurred:
And yet, despite nearly 7.3M viewers seeing a hack achieved using technology that would charitably be considered near-primitive now, the best that the omnipotent Father of All can muster, is a low-quality cellphone photo? Keep in mind, this weak-ass effort arrives courtesy of the same supposed deity who not only granted Moses the power to part the Red Sea, but whom also allegedly created the Universe entire in under a week, as well.
Man, how the mighty have fallen. Or at the very least, the quality of their product line.
No wonder the defiant angels, Adam and Eve, the platypus, original sin, fathering a son through non-consensual sex with a betrothed teenager in open violation of his own edict in Deuteronomy 22:25, his deciding to purposefully ignore the chosen people’s bondage as slaves, and losing his sh*t over the Tower of Babel, while seemingly not being bothered by Burj Khalifa whatsoever, were rightfully considered as PR disasters, what with such a scatterbrain behind the metaphysical steering wheel.
Given that track record, I guess we all should be grateful that the so-called Creator wasn’t inspired by the future examples of Pablo Picasso, and decided to put both of our eyes on the same side of our head.
But who knows? Even with science, logic, and proven reality seemingly on my side, there could still be a valid reason as to why the God I’ve deemed as purely mythical, might decide to eschew modern-day communication methods, in favor of the seminal classics he’s always been known for.
Once a hit, always a hit, says I, and who am I to judge what the best process is for certifying the celestial? Other than the aforementioned science, logic, and proven reality, that is.
Depending on who you ask, God “speaks” to humans in a variety of ways. Those [primarily] being through the Scripture, via the conduit of our personal difficulties, which has always seemed like a d**k move to me, through his chosen prophets imbued with the Holy Spirit, and lastly, through his numerous acts of Creation.
If one takes these into account, along with the example of the Burning Bush, it then makes sense as to why God doesn’t unitize Tik-Tok, or the reach of a blast e-mail. And if you’re truly a devoted follower of Christ, it’s a methodology that you’ve come to expect, if not rely on.
Regular readers of my screeds may recall how past Artbitch subject Ruth Darlene Seawolf once claimed that God sent her a personal message, and she posted her proof that He did so, if you believe in that sort of thing, using the most logical delivery stem available
So, as it stands, it makes some form of limited sense that Spring, the self-declared Christian who is allegedly blessed with the same scientific intellect that nature bestowed upon a grouping of drunken Pet Rocks, would see a beam of light, reasonably assume that it’s God’s escalator for the newly departed, and not question it at all, because… um, why not?
Oh, that’s right- because of science, logic, and proven reality, that’s why. Unfortunately for both Spring and myself, neither one of us can prove the other 100% wrong, as Spring is intractable in concern to his cherry-picked belief system, and I of course, exist in Reality, a land that Spring willingly self-exiled himself from, quite some time ago.
This assessment brings to mind a further observation penned by the previously mentioned British philosophical writer James Allen, who in his seminal work “As a Man Thinketh”, correctly noted the following: ”A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.”
Now to be brutally frank, I have no idea what seeds have been cultivated into maturity within the confines of Spring’s allegoric garden, but I’m more than willing to suggest that Lyutsifer Safin would feel right at home sitting among their offspring. For those of you who have no idea what I’m referring to, I’d suggest you go watch the last James Bond film entitled “No Time to Die”, and then come back to revel in the brilliant presentation of that joke, which once written, stays in the act forever:
Getting back on track, if Spring’s metaphorical garden does indeed exist, I’d have to believe given all the empirical evidence to be found, that it’s quite openly hostile to not only the seeds of change, but the forward-thinking gardeners who wish to plant them as well.
Spring, like most self-declared American Conservative Christians these days, sees enemies running amuck simply everywhere, irrespective of veracity or the sanity of such an idea, and I for one, cannot imagine living in a world where my being asked to comport myself as a functioning and empathetic human, would be regarded as nothing less than a personal threat.
Here’s the deal: if I disagree with something, whether that be a person’s political views, a corporation’s ethical stance, any form of disreputable entertainment, or a social movement that offends my sensibilities, I do this absolutely crazy thing where I either ignore it, mock it, as I’m currently doing with Spring’s absurdity here, or I go one step further, and make sure that my money doesn’t go to bolster it’s what I may feel is a vile agenda.
Hence the reason why I avoid Chick-fil-A like the goddamn metaphorical plague.
It’s an approach that I would advocate that Spring tries out at least once, whenever he gets done hurling slanderous invectives from inside his ivory bubble, of course. I don’t believe in “cancel culture” per se, because I tend to think that its brunt is being abused to the point of criminality by both sides fighting their supposed cultural war, but I am a big fan of calling Truth to Power, and in my humble opinion, Spring’s attacks on women, non-Christians, and the LGBTQ Community in general, are so not that.
Nevertheless, he does have the constitutional right to issue them, ignorantly abhorrent as they are, for if the First amendment can protect an alleged hatefully racist, misogynistic, homophobic, politically-retarded cultist moron such as Spring most certainly appears to be, you can only imagine what it can do in the mouth of someone who unlike Spring, isn’t a waste of otherwise useful skin and internal organs.
So, if Spring is seemingly incapable of bettering himself through and unwanted and continuous exposure to logic and humanity, two aspects that he fights against as if it were I battling the corporate catchiness of Nickelback’s “Burn It to the Ground” scorcher of a song, how can I in my simple guise as a societal Snark, rectify the situation at hand?
In a word or two, I simply can’t. It’s impossible to shame a person who has no inherent sense of it, and it’s damn near nigh a miracle, to pierce the arrogant confidence of anyone who has erroneously self-determined that they alone, hold the answers to all that they judgmentally survey.
And when that same said person earnestly believes that God is not only on their side, but is the incontestable source of justified inspiration for their nauseating nattering? Well, mythical God help us all then, because when that purposeful inanity is then amalgamated with the insidiousness of political partisanship, the sky is the limit as to what cultural damage a dedicated cabal of uniformed zealots can do:
As someone who has actually seen this movie, all I can say is this- God may hot have been dead when it premiered, but it sure as hell didn’t drive up the sales of his autobiography, either. On the upside, the film did star conservative TV has-been Kevin Sorbo, so for a few weeks at least, he wasn’t on Twitter reminding us all just why the plastic sword he once wielded on Hercules, was considered by many to be the far better actor twixt the two.
However, this is where we as Americans, currently find ourselves- culturally and politically disconnected, over-sensitive, over-reactive, increasingly paranoid, and potentially violent, given the right situation and/or triggering event. Spring and the others of his ilk just like him, are merely the visible symptoms of a cancer that’s been propagating within our political system since the early 80’s, and which has finally seized its birthright from within the ugly maw that houses American politics.
At the time of this writing, I’m 53 years old, living in a quiet slice of New Mexico, and I can honestly say that in all the time that I have been traversing this giant-ass ball of granite and coagulated space-dust, I have never once been witness to the dogmatic madness that thanks to the rise of fascist Trumpism, is seemingly infesting all that this country once held sacred.
Back in the days of my youth, the Riders of Reagan could be intense in their dedication to the Gipper, but holy Jesus f**k on a cracker, they weren’t anything as malevolently virulent as the Cult of 45 have proven themselves to be. Due in large part to the Alt-Wrong’s continuing campaign of what should be openly considered low-grade domestic terrorism, nothing is safe from the collective insanity that they disseminate as freely as they breathe.
And terrifyingly, there seems to be no end in sight in concern to it.
Look, I’m just a guy who writes- I don’t have all the answers, although sometimes, I’d like oi think that I do. If anything, I’m exceptionally good at seeing the cracks in the metaphorical armor, and devising the most efficient way to seal them shut. But as an observer of the sphere containing what’s currently going on, I’m genuinely flummoxed.
As a nation, we’re not dealing with an outside enemy– the call as it were, is literally coming from inside the house, and the bad guy could be anybody residing within its walls. And as it is such, the solution to restoring some form of natural balance, will require nothing less I’m afraid, than the application of forcefully direct sheer draconianism, as a consequence for the actions of those that deserve its brunt.
To be clear, I’m not suggesting we implement the fascistic approach that Trumpanzees are jonesing to incorporate into the very fabric of America itself, but I am saying that for the abominable horde walking relatively unchecked among us, it’s way past tine for them to pay the piper in penance for what they’ve willingly been a complicit component of, for over half a decade.
While the Constitution does guarantee you the inherent right to be dumber than f**k, it in no way, shape, or form, allows you the altitude of abusing the privilege to the point where it directly harms or endangers others, and it’s high time we endeavor to reweave that reality back into the fabric of our nation’s political system, if only for the betterment of our incredibly damaged civil discourse.
The first step (I feel) in my ever so humble opinion, is that we need to start exorcising the mental murkiness that is so consistently omnipresent within the lands of social media, which not only gives oxygen to all that I’ve presented visually thus far, but which also fuels the Alt-Wrong’s pervasive feeling of targeted persecution, as well:
Um, Genius? No, it’s not. First, Free Speech protection does NOT apply to private companies, especially given that when you willingly signed up for their service, you did so, with the full knowledge that there was a clearly defined Code of Conduct you were expected to follow, and that, without exception. That fact that you get “jailed” for your commentary, only proves that you’re either an idiot, or more likely, an irrelevant demagogue, but then again, I repeat myself.
Or, as is my forte, present yet another example to back up my avowal:
For contextual background, this now D-list actor made his offensively dense comment on the Jimmy Kimmel show, in relation to being asked a question regarding his attendance at Trump’s inauguration in 2016, saying that; “You’ve got to be careful around here. You’re going to get beat up if you don’t believe what everybody believes. This is like 30s Germany,”
A comparison that other than being mindbogglingly stupid, also perfectly illustrates why Allen’s career was centered on playing a caricature of himself on TV for nine seasons as the star of “Last Man Standing” whose premise was thus:
“Mike Baxter is a happily married father of three daughters who finds himself the odd man out as he tries to maintain his manliness in a home surrounded by women. Mike tries to escape all the female drama at home in the warm, manly embrace of his job at the Outdoor Man store, a sporting goods emporium where he is marketing director. He also revels in his Outdoor Man vlog, which he uses as a pulpit for his opinions, which often have nothing to do with the store’s merchandise. When he’s supposed to be selling mountain bikes or kayaks, he somehow ends up spouting off about the environment, health care, international politics or any other topic occupying his mind.”
Damn. If that doesn’t scream “Comedy Gold”, I don’t know what does. As you’d expect, given its vile idiocy regarding women, societal issues, and politics, the show such as it was, played well with the type of people that finds Tucker Carlson smart, and Tim Allen still culturally relevant.
To be fair, I did attempt to watch this streaming sludge on a handful of occasions, but had to relent doing so, when it became obvious that if I truly wanted to laugh at a conservative making a jackass of himself on my TV and couldn’t find the far superior “All in the Family” playing somewhere, all I need do, was tune in to whatever late-night show was desperate enough to book Allen as a guest.
And if you have any doubts about my take, here’s a critique of the series, courtesy of the right-wing journal, the Imaginative Conservative: “Finally, we have a hero who hunts, fishes, watches sports, and occasionally drives a tank.”
Feel free to make up your own jokes here, because as I was attempting to do so, I had to keep in mind that Allen also once opined in 2013 that he should be allowed to use the “n-word”, stating that. “If I have no intent, if I show no intent, if I clearly am not a racist, then how can ‘n****r’ be bad coming out of my mouth?”
Concerning this clueless query, I have, (as many of you must) more than a few opinions as to just “why” uttering such an abominable slur is, as Allen put it; “bad”, but I see no reason to issue them, as its sadly obvious that one of the cherished icons of my youth, AKA; “Buzz Lightyear”, was voiced by a repulsive caricature of my grandfather, and that in and of itself, just kills me.
On the upside though, my grandfather was never the unwilling subject of a photo like this:
The circumstantial framework: In October of 1978, October 2nd, to be exact-Tim Allen was arrested in the Kalamazoo/Battle Creek International Airport, after being caught with 650 grams, which is roughly, 1.4 pounds of cocaine.
At the time, Allen faced a life sentence for the 42K payout he had been expecting, but since he opted to provide the names of other dealers in exchange for a far less repressive verdict, it allowed him the opportune advantage of being sentenced in a federal court rather than a state court, which in essence, nullified the life sentence he would have faced, resulting in his ultimately only serving two years and four months instead, for his crime.
However, Allen’s bid to gain his freedom, lead to the successful indictment of no less than twenty people involved with the drug trade in Michigan, as well as the conviction of four major drug dealers to boot, none of whom I would suspect, ever went on to become fans of his comedic success. But let’s not forget, this former drug trafficker and spinelessly self-serving snitch, is going to lecture us all, on what’s wrong with society in general.
However, given Spring’s previously stated annoyance at Tim Allen not being cast as the primary voice talent in the “Lightyear” movie, I’m sure he’d be first in line to buy a ticket for any Toy Story reboot, that granted Allen the pleasure of tweaking its established character development, in order to bring it into accordance with his currently asinine political POV:
If not apparent to all who are reading this, I’m clearly making a blatantly absurd observation, but the only thing keeping my tasteless joke from becoming a concreted reality in the future, is our collective ability to cauterize the illness of conservatism, at its key source.
Fortunately for us as a whole, when it comes to “celebrity” representations of its party and the dissemination of its opinions, the best that the Alt-Wrong can ever muster up, are those of indisputable wash-ups. I mean, does the AW truly think that any significant cultural influence will ever be imparted by the likes of Kristy Swanson, Chuck Woolery, Stacey Dash, Antonio Sabato Jr, Randy Quaid, Kevin Sorbo, Jon Voight, Roseanne Barr, Scott Baio, Dean Cain, Kirstie Alley, Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, and as proposed, Tim Allen?
The only thing that these D-listers have to offer a society that they so openly despise, and the lowest of IQ-bereft MAGAt morons who listen to them, is the inadvertent lesson of what can happen when a person of exceedingly limited talent, believes their agent’s hype that they’re an irreplaceable icon.
For most of us actually functioning humans, if our personal ideology was being constantly mocked, disregarded, or questioned, there would come a point where we would be forced, whether we liked it or not, to engage in a moment of in-depth self-reflection and reassess what we really believe. But Conservatives, for all intents and purposes, are seemingly immune to this most rational aspect of the human condition.
Allen is no victim, and neither is the inexorable political movement that he (and Spring) so willingly support, because for a guy who cries foul on every media platform whose usage has never been denied him, concerning a right that he already possesses, and applies as easily as he whines, the irony of his party’s attempts to shut it down for the ones that they so passionately disagree with, is still quite the stunner.
And as we’ve all seen from Spring’s ever-increasing pile of publicly posted hypocrisy, when the Alt-Wrong gets called out for such disingenuousness, they employ one of three well-worn gambits: they either double down on their falsehoods, project or deflect their own fallacious foibles as their “evidence”, or imply that definitive threats are in the mode of current formulation, be they physical, or allegoric.
And apparently, picking an appropriate photo to succinctly illustrate the topic at hand, is also seemingly difficult, unless the descriptive of “Red November”, is to assist in the pre-setting for the moment of the fashionable perp walk that Trump will hopefully be forced to do, when the numerous indictments and lawsuits currently raining down upon him, turn into multiple convictions, financial losses, and the annihilation of his public persona:
Once again, the backstory as it is known: After a surprise FBI raid on the Mar-a-Lago resort owned by ex-American president Donald J. Trump, produced a trove of classified documents, allegedly taken by same said twice-impeached, thrice-married, and forever-disgraced, mango man-child, John Rich, a country music singer and self-described humanitarian, found himself incensed beyond the pale.
In response to this perfectly justified action, Rich tweeted out the following jackassery:
Correct me if I’m wrong here, but if the FBI raided my 14K-gilded cesspool that masquerades as my home, and found enough incriminating evidence to solidly allege that I broke no less than three federal laws relating to the Espionage Act of 1912, [Specifically;18 USC 793, 2071 and 1519] I don’t think I’d appreciate a mildly threatening “Thank-you” note from one of my most vocal supporters being addressed to them on my unasked-for-behalf, as a rule.
I get that you think that you’re helping out your treasonous toddler, Johnny-boy, but trust me- you’re really not, for if anything, the FBI tends to lack a definable sense of humor, when it comes to the concern of transparently veiled threats.
First, the only thing that’s being poured on your so-called “Freedom Fire” is the ice-cold dousing water of Reality, which in the end, is only going to result in your cravenly cult leader shivering alone in a prison cell, and second, only 74M people voted for Trump, so I have no idea where you found those additional 7M, unless you’re counting all the extras he had to hire, in order to populate the supposedly diverse background and PR prop, located just behind his rally podium.
Second, if the intellectual capacity of said 74M has been measured correctly, and given the empirical data, I can only believe that it has, then it seems to be that the case can be made that the majority of them could be quite easily distracted from their task, be it voting or attempting an insurrection, by either waving a particularly shiny set of keys in their faces, or informing them that an African-American was openly doing White people stuff without prior permission.
But Rich’s “Proud to Be a Dimwitted Deplorable” shtick, was just warming up:
Good questions all, or they would be, if Rich’s assessment wasn’t being given from a position of asinine absurdity, that is. Shockingly, these who are known for routinely singing about American values, generally tend to understand the difference between being a patriot in regards to a country, versus being a pawn in regards to a cravenly c**t, such as Rich seemingly is.
And as for his comment that; “The country music industry is out of touch with the audience”, maybe it’s not so much that, as their audience being out of touch with both reality and their formerly cherished set of integral values. Because its fairly obvious that Rich sure the hell is.
Sigh… I’m not entirely sure where Rich learned American History, but I get the feeling that most of his fellow students in said class, took a short bus to get there. Aside from the bumper sticker dogma displayed throughout it, Rich’s narrative is also rife with a lack of context, to boot.
As is expected, the glorification of combat and the canonization of its practitioners, is at the forefront, without any construct of just why America was involved in the skirmish to begin with- that being, we were fighting an enemy that shared more in common with Rich’s ideology, than any facet of the one he attempts to impugn with his lack of credible intellectualism.
To note, there was no way in hell that Japan would ever have been able to conquer America on its own, and the only way Germany might have had a chance, is if they had managed to develop their nuclear weapon capability before we so fortunately (?) did. And Rich’s deliberate side-step of the fact that America was fighting to maintain its status a country that was for the primary benefit of White males only at the time, is a nice touch as well.
“Fierce Patriotism” didn’t win the war- superior weapon development, established American infrastructure, rugged doggedness, and the ability to make the other guy die for his country rather than his making us doing the same, is what carried it over the lune in the end.
And may I point out the clueless hypocrisy of a man who has never served, drawing parallels between esteemed military commanders, and America’s resident wannabe Mussolini, who praised dictators, saluted enemy generals, lauded NAZI’s as “fine people”, paid his way out of serving during the era of the Draft, and while incompetently serving as our Commander in Chief, regularly slandered our military, mocked our POW’s, as well as insulting a war widow and a Gold Star family.
Topping all of that abominable behavior off, Rich’s mango-man-crush, after leaving the office in disgrace then allegedly stole classified documents, several of which it can be assumed after they were discovered to be missing, found their way into the hands of whomever was willing to pay top dollar for them. But please, Johnny-boy, lecture us all some more on the topic of “leadership”, if you would be so kind.
Regarding Rich’s comment about how we’d all “be speaking German”, if not for the intervention of documented xenophobes, it would probably pain him to know that pre-WW2, the most commonly spoken formal language in America was… wait for it… GERMAN, so I can only guess that better late than never, was the primary theorem of the day.
But given the fact that Spanish is now the language that holds that title, I can only assume that Rich’s flawed sense of jingoism must be working overtime on plans to justifiably invade Mexico, if only to stop the spread of its influence upon the culture in whose defense, he’s more than willing to light a few Freedom Fires for.
Most likely at 3AM. On only the best of selectively chosen front lawns, I’m sure. Say what you will about Spring, (and I hope you will) but he definitely knows how to dredge only the finest of role models from the allegoric bottom of the barrel, does he not?
To list, there’s his fascist mango-man-crush, a gaggle of washed-up celebutards, a few disingenuous politicos, and the ultimate model on which all sociopaths are based, the ever-so-mythical “God” whose teachings Spring references, but never follows, even as he misinterprets them for his own advantage, and not God’s, as it has been commanded for him to do so.
Adding to Spring’s deplorable tabulation of the non-accomplished, the non-existent, and the non-credible, is the Alt-Wrong’s newest poster-boy of the moment, Elon Musk- an assumed intellectual thief, a confirmed industrialist billionaire, a possibly in the very near future fictionalized Bond villain, and the nest example to use for effectively settling the ongoing debate as to whether or not, abortion needs to be made far more accessible.
Musk, whose relatively recent acquisition of social media platform Twitter, helped to show exactly just where all the racists in your family who weren’t invited to Thanksgiving dinner, were hanging out instead, is considered quite the firebrand these days, despite having skin thinner than that of an onion, and the interpersonal skills of an intellectually-challenged turnip.
Lest ye forgot, let me just remind you of that moment when Musk, who’s personal wealth is estimated to be over 300B, once promised (ironically via a “tweet”) to use his vast financial resources, to aid in ending world hunger, but only if he were presented with a cohesive plan to do so:
In response to Musk’s generous offer, David Beasley, the UN food program director, tweeted a link to a 1,000-word “executive summary.” doing just that, per Musk’s reasonable request:
It laid out in detail, just how the UN could and would, utilize an allocation of $6.6B to assist in the feeding of more than 40M people across a span of 43 countries, a majority of whom, are currently on “the brink of famine”, according to the data provided by Beasley.
Musk then requested the publishing of WFP’s current and proposed spending in detail, a resource of information spanning ten years, that was already openly accessible on WFP’s website, so that the general public could see exactly where the money would go. Musk for his part, has not as of yet, replied to Beasley’s tweet about WFP’s financial statements, nor has he responded in concern to said plan, either.
Instead, Musk ever the noble humanitarian, decided to spend nearly 8X as much buying Twitter, for reasons that I’m sure had nothing to do with the fact that after reneging on his promise to help the world entire, the users of said platform, lit him up like a Christmas tree with their well-deserved targeted mockery.
Interestingly, it was reported that Musk in February of 2022, donated 5M shares of Tesla Inc stock. [worth 5.7B] in late 2021, although at this time, no charity (or WFP for that matter) has come publicly forward claiming to be the recipient of such a generous gift. Before we give Musk any credit though, I’d also note that within the same time period of said bestowment, he also sold off 16B worth of Tesla stock as well, thereby leading to an alleged 4.6B tax break.
But as it always is with the self-declared saviors of Mankind, Musk sees that which is obvious to the rest of us, somewhat quite differently. Despite the PR blow-back for his cravenly act of reneging on his promise to help WFP, Musk tweeted his claim that his sole purpose for buying Twitter was not, as some had surmised; “to make more money. I did it to try to help humanity, whom I love“.
Unless of course, that “love” demands any form of pre-promised financial assistance that could actually provide it with the food it so desperately needs to survive. He added to his declaration by adding in that; Twitter must be “warm and welcoming for all”, [like a full stomach, perhaps?] and that all he truly wanted, was for “civilization to have a common digital town square“, as well.
Never mind the fact that Musk, who is attempting to rebrand himself as civil discourse’s last great hope, once personally canceled an order for a custom TESLA, after its originator, a blogger and venture capitalist named Stewart Alsop, wrote an open letter to Musk disparaging what he thought was a badly run presentation event featuring the Tesla Motors Model X.
Yup…Musk just wants all of us to get along in the new online Utopia he’s currently in the middle of reshaping, hence the reason why he immediately gutted Twitter’s moderation team, which even on the best of its collective days, was barely holding the skein of decorum together.
Despite this glaring hypocrisy, Conservatives as to be expected, cheered Musk’s purchase of Twitter as nothing less than a flawless victory for the protection of Free Speech, and continue to do so, despite the fact that private corporations are in no way, legally bound to the concept of such. A reality that you would think that such staunch defenders of the Constitution would already know and respect, but here we find ourselves, nonetheless.
And even though at the time of this writing, Mush has single-handedly decimated its workforce, lost half its advertisers, and managed to allow an influx of hate speech at a rate not seen since Trump initially weaponized it, to serve as his version of the NAZI’s *RVMP, Musk’s takeover is shockingly (?) becoming widely regarded as being, even at its best, an essentially Pyrrhic accomplishment.
*[Reichsministerium für Volksaufklärung und Propaganda]
Musk’s ever-escalating fall from grace, due in large part to his childish aggrandizement of petty feuds with those who validly criticize Musk’s exceedingly schizophrenic so-called management style, has only widened the chasm of mistrust between him and Twitter’s once rock-solid base of high-profile accounts as well, a shift in site-drawing-power demographics, that he quite literally, can’t afford to lose.
Whereas Spring and the others of his ignorant ilk are concerned though, such detriments are perfectly acceptable, because in their warped worldview, Musk is their stalwart conquistador of the Conservative movement, and as we’ve seen from their incessant gushing online, they also believe that he is singlehandedly, if not doggedly, eradicating all that is “woke” from Twitter.
But what, pray tell, is the definition of “woke”, exactly? Well according to Spring, it’s this:
Definition of Irony: ”The use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning”, and man oh man, does Spring ever deliver on that, does he not? Especially when we all recall how he continually blames the unjust ills of society on the LGBTQ Community, immigrants, African-American athletes, and non-Christians.
In Spring’s world, “woke” can best be translated as the most irksome of social elements that he finds truly vexing. You know, things such as logic-based points of view, positive representations of diverse lifestyles, verified intellect, the fomentation of accurate scientific knowledge, and the intolerance of hateful, bigoted, misogynistic, and racist language designed to harass, intimidate, and divide?
And just don’t take my word for it, for Musk himself tweeted as much, and Spring, ever the reliable regurgitating parrot, happily shared it with his Klan. Oops… that should have read “clan”, but you say “tomato”, I say “tomato” Either one works:
For those of you keeping track, this declaration regarding people being “armored in false virtue” was brought to us all, by a walking hypocritical representation of narcissistic personality disorder, who, after offering to assist the world towards achieving its own betterment, decided instead, to buy a new toy that he could deliberately break without consequence, because it had once dared to be mean to him.
And mind you that he did so, without even having the courage to tweet the lamest of excuses as to why he pulled such an inhumane stunt to begin with. Despite this cravenness, or maybe because of it, as Time marches on, the truth behind his machinations, become fairly crystalline to us all, save for those that practice Spring’s brand of Christian conservatism, of course.
I’d like to take this time to point out that Conservatives across the board aren’t mad at Musk for refusing to use his vast wealth to aid the mankind that he claims to love, which isn’t all that surprising, when you take into account that they’re also not mad at Trump for the reasons you’d expect, such as his lies, adultery, sexual perversion or his acts of alleged Treason.
No, they’re upset that his toxicity may have cost them the power advantage that they so desperately crave, which is concurrently, the very same reason why they’ve been willing to blatantly overlook Herschel Walker’s parallel acts of close to the same. At this point, the only way that Musk would incur the wrath of the GQP faithful, would be if he actually developed bath a working conscience, if not a functional personality that could pass for human.
And as a self-declared Christian, you would think that Spring would be at least somewhat offended that Musk not only revoked his offer, but also ignores the lesson notated in Isaiah 58:7: “Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help.”.
There’s also this gem, found in Isaiah 58:10: “If you give some of your own food to [feed] those who are hungry and to satisfy [the needs of] those who are humble, then your light will rise in the dark, and your darkness will become as bright as the noonday sun.”
But for my money, I think that the best passage that could be attributed as relating directly as to what Musk should aspire to be, would be drawn from Ezekiel 18:7: “He is a merciful creditor, not keeping the items given as security by poor debtors. He does not rob the poor but instead gives food to the hungry and provides clothes for the needy.”
But such character flaws are mere trivialities for Spring, who like most Conservatives these days, places unquestioning faith in the erroneous construct that if a person is financially successful beyond the pale of what once was considered to be normal, then the varying whims of that person, must be adhered to as if they were the Holy Gospels themselves, because they have the qualifications to back them up:
Oh, did I refer to their inane notions as “qualifications”? I meant to say “undue economic influence”, instead. My sincerest apologies, all around. It must be nice to have the luxury of having no political, cultural, statistical, or technical background, while you demand action concerning topics that have no standing in either your purview, or your range of experiences.
Check out the headlines for context, if you would: Musk isn’t defined as being an “innovator” for his involvement with the electric car industry, nor is he pictured as a “philanthropist” either, although from the information detailed above, it’s pretty obvious why he isn’t. Nope, he’s the “World’s Richest Man”, and that’s all you need know, in relation as to why he can demand the ludicrous, as if he were America’s de facto Emperor.
Musk may have more money than God himself, but it can’t masquerade the reality that he also lacks, and quite evidently so, any indication of possessing the merest measure of a political skillset.
In all due fairness, I as well, may also have quite the dearth of knowledge in concern to same said arena, but just speaking off the top of my head, I’d assume that any individual who’s pushing for a serious investigation to be undertaken, regardless of who they may be, would need at least some sizeable degree of such, as well as proof of their claims.
That is, if they wanted to successfully assume an air of verified credibility among their peers, or even the people that they deride as mere commoners. Yet, despite having ZERO prosecutorial experience, and an allegedly unethical background based on profiting off others innovations, Musk honestly believes that he can just haughtily snap his fingers, and the Dogs of War will come a-running his way, and do his narcissistic bidding.
This seems to be a common denominator for Spring- the veneration of wannabe strongmen entrenched within positions of power and supreme authority that they neither earned, deserve, or know how to selflessly implement, for the betterment of others
And as I’m splitting a few metaphorical hairs already, I find it interesting that Spring can seemingly rail for hours about America’s indigent utilizing social aid programs, while in tandem, turning a blind eye to the practice of corporate welfare, which in realty affects him, and his ever-sealed coin-purse, far more personally.
Being rich, shouldn’t give you any more additional power over anyone else on this planet, save for getting the best takes in restaurants, front-row concert tickets, a room full of custom-made lightsabers, and maybe unfettered access to a few super-models’ personal phone numbers, because let’s face it, dating is hard, when you’ve got to take a private jet with you everywhere you go.
So, to recap: Spring’s paying (literally) for tax breaks directly benefiting a billionaire who’s refused to follow-through on his promise to feed the hungry of the world, is more than acceptable, but feeding said starving and disadvantaged individuals for a lesser cost, using tax revenue, is not.
Well then, I guess us overly “woke” commie-pinko-tree-hugging-soy-chugging-heathen can feel free to go straight to allegorical hell, because he’s a Christian don’t you know, and therefore, far more moral than any of us will ever be. Referencing such, I’d like to point out to Spring, that his alleged Savior and Father of All, was himself, so him-damned “woke”, that the Romans specifically made him into a Catholic wall decoration, because of it.
Spring overall, doesn’t believe in handouts, which I can understand, as I feel that at times, people do occasionally need to figure out the solution to an issue on their own. A crucible of concern hardens the soul, and all that. But then again, Spring also doesn’t seem to place much stock in hand-ups either, and that’s where we find ourselves parting ways, yet again.
But as I slowly shut-down this three-part story arc regarding Spring, I’d like to go out on a note that for me at least, nails his inherent hypocrisy to the floor, and it involves a tangent that I’m sure none of you saw coming. Much like Spring’s fixation with drag queens, he’s got quite the equal hate-on for the issue of forgiving the burden of untenable student debt, despite the edicts to be found within his never-opened copy of the Bible.
For instance, Deuteronomy 15:1-2, commands that; “At the end of every seven years, you shall grant a release. And this is the manner of the release: every creditor shall release what he has lent to his neighbor. He shall not exact it of his neighbor, his brother, because the Lord’s release has been proclaimed.” Matthew 6:12, says; “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
The disciple Paul goes one step further, and takes on additional burden via Philemon 1:18, by asserting; “But if he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge that to my account.” Spring apparently, missed those sections, although I don’t know if his oversight was due to poor comprehension, or seemingly poor character.
But to be fair, it’s not like he obsesses over it that much:
Well okay, maybe he does a little bit, but in his very limited defense, if he’s preoccupied online harping about a non-issue that don’t affect him one iota, then there’s less of a chance that he’ll be composing any more of that god-awful poetry of his, that I presented to you the last time that we all gathered here.
As the saying goes; “Sometimes you have to take the Bitter with the Sweet.“, and as Spring’s mythical Lord knits far too well, Spring is all about being the best at being bitter, even when the situation at hand, doesn’t affect his life at all:
Two things I’d like to call attention to, in regards to these two memes; to begin, I’m fairly confident that Spring has no idea what character is being misrepresented in the first, and as to the second, one’s intelligence and being trapped within a rigged payments system has absolutely no correlation with each other.
I’d also like to assert that whatever degree titular pothead Jeff Spicoli may feel that he’s co-earned via his taxes being redirected to ease a huge problem of ecnomids, it obviously wasn’t one concerning the English language, due to the fact that whomever created this tripe, forgot to add a question mark at the end of Spicoli’s asinine query.
Nevertheless, Spring’s attack on the learned, does reveal a blatant contempt for those who allegedly unlike him, chose to better either themselves or their situation, by reaping the benefits of a higher education, and it’s an odious card that he likes to play whenever possible:
Starting with the first post, let us now engage in shredding this hypocritical hysteria, into a pile of failed Conservative talking points, if only to force-feed them to Spring’s selective amnesia. If I read this correctly, Spring takes great offense at persons not honoring their financial agreements, and feels that they shouldn’t be allocated any form of grace, for doing so.
Interesting… I have to wonder then, how Spring truly feels about his mango-man-child defaulting on loans connected directly to Trump Tower in Chicago, and its unfortunate creditors who found themselves forced to forgive the $287 million in debt that Trump owed, and has as of yet, to pay so much as a dime back, to honor his agreements that he made supposedly in good faith.
And the reason why I have to “wonder” this, is because Spring has yet to say or post anything in regard to Trump’s long (and well-documented) history of taking the money, and then running for the allegoric hills. As it stands, it’s been estimated that Trump and his assorted companies, owe an estimated $1.3B, but I can only assume that Spring never got that memo.
Nr has our ever so faux offended dimwitted demagogue ever mentioned the fact that several Republican U.S. congressional representative, such as Ralph Norman, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Gregory Pence, Vern Buchanan, Kevin Hern, Roger Williams, Mike Kelly, Vicki Hartzler, and Carol Miller, all had their PPP loans forgiven outright, despite having the financial wherewithal to pay them back in full.
As I try to play Devil’s Advocate on occasion, I’d like to think that maybe this omission isn’t a case of Spring exercising his hypocrisy yet again, considering how many of the people listed above have come out against debt relief, but maybe it’s because he hasn’t found the “Right” meme to express his frustration at this act of arrogant disingenuousness yet.
One can only hope.
Moving on to our second fillet of the day, Spring employs a wide array of ideological tropes here, and yet somehow, fails to leave a scratch. This could be in part to the reality that his “joke” isn’t even remotely funny, but I feel that its weakness is that once again, he has no f**king idea what he’s babbling about.
On average, it takes about two decades for your typical student loan recipient, to pay off their loan debt, with higher echelon debtors, sometimes taking almost five times as long to do so. In addendum, 21% of borrowers see their total debt balance increase in the first 5 years of their loan, due to what should be, (in a moral world) considered an unethical practice, which keeps said debtors trapped in a cycle of paying on their interest, rather than their principal debt.
Nonetheless, Spring, ever the pragmatist, has definitive solutions to this conundrum, and they’re so simple, that the reality of them never having been applied before to the situation, is quite amazing:
Damn, is that some serious out of the box thinking going on there, or what? Can you imagine the difference that could have occurred, if only such sage advice had been forcibly implemented into the pool of common good, decades ago? That would have owned those stinking Libs like nobody’s business, let me tell you.
So, if it’s unfair for taxpayers to pay for “what you want”, then why is it okay for same said taxpayers to foot the bill for the taxation shortfall of corporate welfare, and the personal vanity projects of billionaires, such as sports stadiums and spaceships that accomplish nothing of scientific value, save for correctly measuring the size of their respectively oversized egos?
However, it’s concerning the second posting where Soring’s inanity truly shines in its full glory, as I would love to know just what particulars, pray tell, would Jimmy Ray here, constitute as a “worthless degree”? We’ve already seen with our own eyes that he doesn’t seemingly believe in science, economic statistics, equally-dispersed civil rights, or anything related to cultural pursuits, so what’s really left to explore?
Definitely not anything that Spring would find worth supporting, that’s for sure, and as you may have already surmised, he has a reason readily available as to why that is:
For the record, there’s a huge chasm in between the right to have an abortion, and the pursuit of a purposefully overpriced education, but as Spring is a jackass, such subtleties are far beyond the reach of his limited intellectual grasp. Granted, his said grip on reality may be lacking, but his adeptness at mixing the disparate together to prop up his unwarranted smugness, is definitely on point.
As to the second post of Spring’s, inferring that paying off one’s non-decreasing incurred debt can be accomplished via jobs that thanks to the GQP consistently fighting wage increases, literally keeps the working class treading allegoric water, just above the official poverty line?
Well, Spring’s not going to let a triviality such as verified economic data regarding a social topic and governmental procedure that he’s done zero research on, prevent him from finding a convenient scapegoat for an issue that as noted previously, doesn’t affect him at all.
These moronic memes aside, I knew that rest assured, that Spring, ever the picture of overly arrogant density, was just warming up his asinine pitching of intellectually void condescension, and he did not disappoint me in regards to my dead-on assessment, by pulling in an equally cerebral powerhouse “celebrity” who I referenced earlier in this screed, as ideological backup:
If I may let me offer all my Conservative stalkers out there a small piece of politically astute advice; if you’re going to choose a spokesman, nay a sociopolitical champion, perhaps the screening process that you use, should demand stronger qualifications than an ability to swing a plastic sword and fight low-budget CGI monsters.
Just some gratis practical wisdom, from me to you.
Sorbo, who’s best known these days for whining on conservative media that he, like Tim Allen, has been “blacklisted” in Hollywood due to his political beliefs, and not his one-note acting style, may actually be on to something in concern to useless digress, as his double major in marketing and advertising awarded by Minnesota State University Moorhead, sure came in handy when in order to pay his tuition, he was forced to work as a model for print and television advertising.
And given the lack of notably visible acting roles he’s had since his 90’s TV show Hercules spawned a far more successful spin-off, [AKA: “Xena: Warrior Princess”] it’s a sure bet that he hasn’t really used either degree to any discernible advantage since he received them. But please, my D-lister guy who “stars” in movies that go directly to the discount DVD bins at Walmart, give us your deepest of thoughts regarding educational relevance.
I will admit however begrudgingly, that I do like Sorbo’s joke, because it’s ironically funny. While it’s true that 40% of commercial plastics are used only once, I could say that in regards to Sorbo’s so-called body of work, at least 95% of his artistic endeavors share the same set of statistics, and are then relegated to either being re gifted, or donated to his permanent movie archive, which fortuitously, also doubles as the aforementioned discount DVD bins at Walmart.
Spring’s informational reliance on the washed-up and the irrelevant is both amusing, and somewhat unsettling, given the fact that while he’ll swallow anything that these morons regurgitate, he’ll heap scorn upon those who are actually in the know of things, and to be more accurate, far more successful and educated in how the world works, than he’ll ever be.
And if Spring sees an opportunity for a cheap shot at the same, rest assured, he’ll take it:
Wow. Just… wow. I’ve heard of beating a dead horse into dust as an allegorical construct, but I had no idea that you could actually formulate it into an actual reality, such as Spring so often does. For sanity’s sake, I’m not going to rehash AOC’s previously listed educational merits, but rest assured, I’d call dollars to doughnuts, that they beat Spring’s, without breaking a sweat.
I’m not going to say I’m impressed by Spring’s misogyny, but I also can’t deny his inherent skillset in displaying it, either. We get it, Jimmy Ray- the pretty girl is far smarter and more successful than you, and even worse, better regarded as well, but you really need to move past that, as I’m fairly confident that you can’t give me one credible reason for your dislike of her, save for the fact she’s a Liberal, and a strongly opinionated woman.
However, Spring, ever the asinine faux academic, believes that he knows best, and despite the obvious contradictions imposed upon his erroneous delusion by Reality, still felt the need to display even more of his smugly obsequious arrogance, by regurgitating an ideological talking point he doesn’t understand to begin with:
Quick question, if I may? Please raise your hands if any of your hard-earned money has ever been taken by “force”, and then unjustly used to pay back someone else’s debt. Anyone? Anyone at all? Well, that seems weird… it’s almost as if Sporing has bever heard of the concept of tax revenue, which after being collected, is gehen utilized to pay for all sorts of things, ranging from crucial infrastructure, to filling the aforementioned tax void created by the greed of the 1%
And as for the “evil people’ that Spring so adamantly fears, I can only assume that he’s referring to the persons who now having been relieved of their blatantly rigged and unethical debt, will find themselves contributing to not only the national economy, but our national strength as well, due to having their education being a benefit for all, and not a burden, as our knuckle-dragging demagogue so wrongly like to infer.
However, I really can’t assign singular blame to Spring for brainlessly disseminating this kind of puerility, because to be fair, it’s not like he’s the craftsman of the idea to begin with. As it’s been noted, Spring is no more than a hateful regurgitating partisan parrot, and as such, he’s going to take his cues from those that shake his cage, even if it’s only to keep him distracted from their long game:
Ah yes… it’s the educated “Elites” that we really need to worry about, says Jim (“I covered up a collegiate sex-scandal”) Jordan, the spineless congressman whose innate ability to simultaneously lick both the boots and balls of the one-percent, is quickly becoming legend among his fellow GQP toadies, if not providing the fuel for their collective jealous envy.
Let’s cut the bullspit here- what Jordan fears most, isn’t the tax burden America may face in relation to forgiving educational debt, it’s a learned populace that once made capable of critical thinking, won’t buy the sh**-soap that he sells, 24/7. That’s it, in a nutshell.
Isn’t it interesting though, that when it comes to underwriting war and making billionaires even more monetarily comfortable, the GQP can’t cut the allegoric checks fast enough, but if it’s dare suggested that the poor and wiring class need a comparable financial bulwark, then holy dead guy nailed to a cross, you might have as well walked into a Hobby Lobby, and said “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”, like a true American is supposed to do.
As a counter-point to Jordan’s commentary of “Why should a…”, Ill retort with this- first, why does every GQP bought-and-paid-for slimeball, automatically issue the pathetic slur that the people suffering under the crippling weight of inescapable debt, are endowed with useless degrees? I for one, would rather be trapped in an elevator with a philosophy major, then find myself doing the same with a morally rudderless creep, who, deliberately allowed the college athletes under his purview, to be openly, and repeatedly, sexually victimized.
I do have a question for “Gym” Jordan though, and I feel that it’s relevant, so here goes: why should my taxes pay for the unjustified salary of a cravenly toady who has done absolutely nothing of any note, to help the people he’s supposed to ethically represent? A conversation for another time I’d suggest, but I already know that Jordan like Spring, prefers to duck the tough questions when they find themselves cornered by their own flawed hubris.
Excessive pride, or in Spring’s case the delusional faith that he alone is right, and it’s the rest of the world that’s wrong, is not an aspect of character that’s unique to Spring alone, mind you, it is, for all intents and purposes, a founding cornerstone of Conservatism’s condescending sense of moral superiority, which as we’ve seen over the years, is more transparent than window glass, and as fragile as a cracked egg.
And nowhere is this opinion of mine put to the test better, if not harder, than when same said Neo-cons think that they’re the ones getting the short end of the non-existent stick. Hilariously though, their solution for getting out of a situation that was wholly imaginary to begin with, can also be quite the delight to observe from a distance, especially when the resolution to be enacted, is just as absurd:
Reading this, I’m sure that you almost immediately caught the same financial discrepancy that I did, and it centers on the actual cost of the student loan forgiveness program that’s being currently proposed by the Biden administration. As seen above, one of Spring’s unverified memes claims that the eventual cost of its implementation would be around $900B, but now, it’s found itself reduced to “only” 3.9B?
As you might surmise, this is not the case at all, for as usual, Spring found himself with his wires crossed, regarding a topic that he didn’t bother to research. A state of affairs that with Spring, seems far more of an inherent character trait, than an occasional deviation.
What Spring has misrepresented here, is the decision by the Department of Education to cancel nearly $4B worth of federal student loans for 208,000 borrowers who were allegedly defrauded by the for-profit institution, known as the ITT Technical Institute, which closed its allegoric doors in 2016, after nearly five decades of operation.
This decision, following multiple (and verified) state and federal investigations into ITT’s supposedly aggressive recruiting and predatory loan practices, came after years of complaints concerning the institution’s scores of defaults on said educational loans, misrepresentation of job placement success, and the overall ethics of their business practices.
And while the principled lapses of the ITT organization are applicable to the overall issue of student loan forgiveness, its relevance is only as a footnote at best, and not as an ongoing facet of the insidious plot that Spring has constructed within the vacuous space known as his head.
That is of course, unless you consider the offering of Bachelor of Science degrees in Information Systems and Cybersecurity, Software Development, Electrical Engineering Technology, Electrical Engineering and Communications Technology, and Project Management and Administration, as “Leftist Communist Baloney”.
If anything, overcharging the unwary and deliberately screwing them over for unfettered profit while failing to deliver on the numerous promises you made them, seems more in line with how the Conservative movement approaches almost every real-life situation, but for the sake of both my sanity and yours, I’ll digress for now.
However, let us not lose sight of just who the “real” victim of ITT’s unscrupulousness is here, and that would be Spring himself, and to a far greater extent, the $3.9B of “his” money, that was pilfered by those running this shell game. Granted, I could argue that Spring’s “investment” was no more or no less than the cost he already pays to support the one-percent not paying their fair share, but why ruin a good tale of unfounded victimization?
As I opined earlier within this screed; “Spring overall, doesn’t believe in handouts”, but it’s also fairly obvious that as a self-declared Christian, he doesn’t seemingly place much stock in the concept of offering a charitable hand-up to the ill-treated, either.
In essence, Spring strikes me as the type of guy who if he had found himself on the Titanic, not only would have donned a dress in order to save only himself, he would have commandeered the charge of a nearly-empty lifeboat as well, and then demanded that his fellow passengers remove themselves from it, for the sake of his personal legroom.
Despite all this though, I still feel that we should take a serious look at Spring’s idea for rectifying what he considers to be the proliferation of “Wokeism” in American schools, Granted, back in my school days, it was called “teaching actual American History, Science, and Civics”, but why quibble over petty semantics, when we can all collectively discover just how deep Spring’s rabbit-hole of fetid density truly is?
Lest we have forgotten, Spring was born of a different age, where the free-range occurrences of lead poisoning were omnipresent in everything from the air that he breathed, to the water that he drank as a child, so maybe I shouldn’t besmirch the arrogantly uniformed harangues of a person that’s been so obviously ravaged by the effects of undiagnosed brain damage, just quite yet.
That being said, I do have to admit that the application of Archery as a literal defense against the alleged wokeness of the Liberal Arts, is truly a refreshingly original gambit worthy of praise, even if the financial backers of such, are the ones most directly responsible for the maintenance of the gun violence that plagues what was once considered to be, a relatively non-fatal environment.
Now, as I’ve never studied the craft of archery past watching the occasional Robin Hood movie, I’m not entirely sure how the launching of overly pointy sticks into stationary targets, counters the liberal agenda of presenting the world as it actually exists, but I’m sure that in Spring’s warped estimation, such nonsensical assumptions will eventually work themselves out, in all due time.
Just a personal insight, if I can offer such a thing. In my high-school days (1983-1987) I took the standard three R’s, and a bunch of elective classes, ranging from Humanities to Home Ec. And while I can still offer up a good party trick in the form of reciting Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s epic poem “Kubla Khan (Or, a vision in a dream. A Fragment)” almost word for word, it’s never been quite the deal-closer half as much as my recipe for four-cheese lasagna, has been.
Nevertheless, I’ve never found myself facing a critical situation where my inherent knowledge of Archery, has ever been a primary factor in realigning my world. Well, outside of defending my homestead from the occasional attack by an Apache war-party, that is. But let’s face it, who among us, hasn’t gone through something like that at least once?
What was that? Nobody has, since roughly 1887 or so? My apologies. But on the bright side, Spring can always depend on those classes that teach students the skills necessary to become a successful Pinsetter, Physiognomist, Bematist, Lamplighter, Ice Cutter, Switchboard Operator, Phrenologist, Telegraphist, or a Daguerreotypist, so at least he has that to hold on to
I’m sorry, did you just say that all of those jobs are now obsolete?
Well, I’m not going to be the one who tells him. He doesn’t seem to handle reality very well as a rule, and I really don’t want to see yet another one of his ignorant observations freaking out over that which is socially and culturally non-existent. And besides, it’s not like he truly thinks that a liberal-leaning education will have any kind of direct impact upon the world as we currently know it, am I right?
Of course, I am. How could I not be? After all, it’s not as if he’s got an abominably stupid meme just waiting in the wings to refute my opinion, because seriously… what would be the odds of that?
So, to recap Spring’s inanity, if we don’t immediately introduce the teaching of archery into our public schools, our children will in due time, become Riot Girl stereotypes harassed by an as yet unnamed communistic army, because they were taught actual history, rather than the inherently false manufactured propaganda of the GQP.
Now that I’m aware of this, I’d suggest that if we’re going to have any chance avoiding this hellishly cartoonish dystopia that the ever-shrieking voices in Spring’s otherwise purposelessness brain have created, maybe we also ought to demand that castle-fortification, flintknapping, armoring, bronze-forging, leech-collecting, alchemy, and reading tea-leaves, should be in the curriculum, too.
One other thing that Spring may also want to consider adding to the public education prospectus, is the instructing of remaining steadfast to one’s openly stated convictions, regardless of the status quo regarding them. That is to say, you can’t be both pro-something and anti-something, in concern to the same thing, at the same time. But leave it to Spring, ever the nonconformist, to do just that:
I have to admit, even I like this absurdity. On the one hand, Spring is pushing for the promotion of Free Enterprise, because it allegedly helps human prosperity, but once such an entity hits a certain level of said affluence, it then becomes the enemy for Spring, if it doesn’t willingly redistribute the wealth it’s obtained, to the demographic that it originally profited from.
If I didn’t know better, I’d almost think that Spring was espousing that the lauded institutions of Harvard and Yale, should engage in some variant of Socialism. You know the left-wing economic philosophy that Spring despises whenever it’s applied to the disadvantaged, but is seemingly okay with, when the end recipients are billionaires?
Once again, Spring’s narrative that the working-class truck drivers and plumbers will bear the burden of Biden’s plan is laughable, if not highly inaccurate. Other than the fact that those two trades pay some of the highest wages, even in the corporation-ruled serf-land that is America, the tax drain that Soring and his fellow citizens face due to the 1% not paying their fair share, is far, far worse.
But don’t ever tell Spring that, because in his heart, he knows what’s what, and who’s who, in his game of blame, and nobody is going to suggest otherwise. If it’s not the fault of the Left, then it’s the fault of his other go-to scapegoats: the poor, the non-Caucasian, the LGBTQ’, the non-Christian, agents of the Deep State, the Communists, or whomever FOX News told him to hate that hour.
Rest assured though, that regardless of whatever evidentiary proof is provided to Spring, the adversary he will deign as accountable for all the sins of unfettered Capitalism, is never to be the Rich, the Powerful, and most certainly, never the Conservative.
For Spring to admit to his partial complicity in carrying the proverbial torch for the political entity that has purposefully done more to tear this country asunder, then it has to restore it to its once former glory, would require a direct act of the God whom he does not truly represent, and given how he already sees the world entire, what would be the point of his doing so, anyways?
In his twisted mindscape, Spring sees enemies simply everywhere, regardless if his gaze falls upon our government, our popular culture, our entertainment, and I can only assume, under his own bed late at night- an area which I’m sure he triple-checks for the presence of errant drag queens who might want to read him a bedtime story. That is, when he’s not hiding in the closet, failing to deal with that same said obsession of his.
However, and despite all that, this is where it really gets kind of weird. As noted, Spring has made his stance regarding the forgiveness of student loan debt fairly clear, and notwithstanding the idiocy that underpins it, he does have the right to say what he says, and the right to believe what he wants to believe. And even with all my mocking concerning such, I would never dare suggest that he shouldn’t be able to.
And yet given his track record of posting contradictory opinions, I’m nit entirely sold on the concept that even Spring knows just what metaphorical hills he’ll willingly die on, as evidenced here:
Sigh… unexpected plot twists like this, are what makes me seriously contemplate that one day, I need to just chuck it all into the allegoric bin, and start doing heroin at a rate that even jazz musicians would find truly impressive, if not somewhat immensely concerning.
Therefore, the question that naturally arises from reading these two posts, is thus: just what in the “F” does Spring actually believe? Is je for educating the masses, or does he in all actuality, prefer that the majority remains just as willingly uniformed as he seems to be? At this point, I’m not sure if even Spring knows the definitive truth himself, and I doubt he ever will.
However, over the course of three screeds, and using nothing save fir his own words, we’ve all seen just who Spring truly is, and what he’s allegedly comfortable sharing with the denizens of the World Wide Web: vile racism, outdated misogyny, abominable xenophobia, ignorant homophobia, hateful transphobia, and not unexpectedly, a well of personal and religious hypocrisy so deep, that even *Victor Vescovo himself, couldn’t find the bottom of it.
And all of it freely presented, without a hint of remorse or the merest glimpse of self-reflection.
In the end, and as much as I’d like to label Spring as nothing more than a relic of a bygone age, he serves as one of the strongest reminders that there is an ideological cancer that’s currently infesting the soul, culture, and humanity of America, and as such, dismissing him and his ilk as being nothing more just brainless regurgitating parrots, spewing the inanity of the modern-day GQP, would be a mistake of epic proportions, that we as a country, can ill afford to make…
This right here, boys and girls, is what results when you deliberately ignore the hate-babbling undercurrents brewing within your country, as well as the conspiracy theories, targeted propaganda, and the mentally-ill candidates, that the GQP produces as if it were a Chinese bootleg DVD factory mainlining black-market steroids.
Lest we forget, all revolutions based in nobility were jump-started by a single person saying “Enough!”, and motivating like-minded others to do the same. Disturbingly, that’s also how insurrections and coups launch as well, as we all experienced on January 6th, 2020.
But as I close out this three-story-arc involving Spring, I’d like to do so with one last slice of his inherent hypocrisy, which if anything, is the lone character quirk that he has in buckets. To recap, I’ve presented numerous examples of Spring’s unwarranted attacks and/or unsupported by credible evidence, opinions on a range of topics. most of them being uniformed, quite a few that are unhinged, and some that inadvertently turn out to be comical, due to their ironic unawareness.
The list in rough order included; assertions of non-existent election fraud, corporations promoting pedophilia, numerous anti- gay and anti-trans sentiments, ignorant slurs regarding the practice of atheism, false accusations about imaginary Christian “persecution”, misogynistic disinformation about abortion rights and crudity concerning women’s physical appearance, a repulsive “joke” abut the act of rape, and lies about Trump supporters being killed due to their political beliefs.
There were also veiled slurs regarding African-American athletes [specifically, WNBA star Brittney Griner and the NFL’s Colin Kapernick] who dared protest police brutality by taking a knee before games, and an assertion that the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, would not
have supported such an action, fir the reason that; (and I quote directly) “he would have known the backlash”.
Something that didn’t bother Spring when he expressed support for both antisemite Kanye West and conservative token, Candace Owens. Continuing on, Spring launched harangues against the undocumented aliens fleeing to America, a limp-wristed attempted bitch-slap in regards to the still-well-regarded 44th US President Barrack Obama, as well as his wife Michelle, because… well, why not?
After all, she does dare to be Black in public as well, and that should be more than enough, right? And as we came to the end of this screed, we all got to see just how sympathetically our self-declared Christian handled the concept of extending charity towards the financially incarcerated.
Spring then bested himself, by topping it all off with a sampling of personal poetry so vapidly saccharine, that even the mythical Vogons from the seminal “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”, would willingly choose to find themselves consumed slowly by a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, rather than be subjected to a second reading of it.
For those unfamiliar with my reference, it has been strongly suggested, if not outright recommended, that you should; “On no account allow a Vogon to read poetry at you”, due to the fact that Vogon poetry, [according to the “Guide”] is considered to be the third worst in the Universe.
The second worst, is that of the Azgoths of Kria, and the worst was by Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex, who, as it was also noted in the Guide, perished along with her poetry, during the destruction of Earth, which was ironically caused by the Vogons themselves.
However, after perusing Spring’s masochistic mangling of the poetic craft, I believe that if given the choice, I would not only nominate his treacle-laden butchery as a viable substitute for the fictionally late Ms. Millstone’s body of work, I’d also, and quite happily at that, french-kiss a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal as well, if only to avoid ever having to read it again.
Happily though, we’ve finally reached the end of Spring’s travels within the Snarklands, and as I stamp his puerile passport for what I truly hope will be the last time, I’d like to remind you all of that earlier moment when I noted that due to their ironic self-unawareness, some of Spring’s postings were inadvertently comical.
And as I shut the metaphorical door in Spring’s face, I can’t think of a better way to do so, then by presenting this last hypocritical slice of self-ownership, which if anything, perfectly illustrates how far out of touch Spring actually is with himself, his actions, and definitive reality:
This is quite honestly, some very good advice. Screw that- it’s great advice. Or it would be, if it wasn’t coming from the vilely malignant maw of a racist, misogynistic, homophobic, xenophobic, willingly misinformed, oft-times contradictory, transphobic, faux-Christian hypocrite.
If we were to strictly follow the guidelines set in stone before us by Spring, then I just have to ask that which is obvious: as he himself, can do none of these things with the merest sense of competence or credibly, then at what stage of development is he currently at? A zealous zygote? A nattering newborn? An inane infant? A temperamental toddler? A craven child? Or a pustulant pre-teen?
Easy answer: he’s none of those. He’s just another angry and politically impotent demagogue, seeking the adulation that he’s never been given or been able to craft for himself. And that’s it. No mystery. Ni dark secrets. Just another self-disenfranchised American, looking for the next scapegoat to blame for his well-deserved irrelevance.
There’s an old saying that goes; “You don’t really die until your name is mentioned for the very last time”, an observation that I for one, have always found to be somewhat profound. I would suggest, that given Spring’s lack of discernible humanity, empathy, sympathy, and civil decency, we go one better to get ahead of that “last mention” parable, and never utter his name, ever again.
Just like Spring decided to do with the boundaries of Reality, quite some time ago.
“When we don’t know who to hate, we hate ourselves.”- Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters