Wayne Michael Reich

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Wayne Michael Reich

Leyba of Love PT 2. (Don’t Think the Walter)

“Only a blind man could have lived through these last years without seeing what was bearing down upon us; so I made myself blind as I could manage. I wanted to believe the worst was behind me, and I found an easy way to make it so. I simply turned my back on what was coming.” – John Wray

Greetings Bitchiteers!

I hope the day (or night) finds you well as you read this, even if you’re not a devotee of what I write, which I’m sure, could possibly happen from time to time. I guess. However, if you’re part of the small-town cabal that’s been sending ne threats ranging from fisticuffs in the local Walmart parking lot, to suggesting that one day, I will “take two” in the back of my, and I quote “empty f**king head”, then not only do I extend the metaphorical Welcome mat as it were to you all, I’ll also point out that if you’re consistently reading my stuff, you’re not as much a threat or a hater, as you are a fan.

Take a moment, and let that resonate inside you.

Regardless of why you’re here, I’m glad that you are, And if you’re one of the aforementioned emailing cravens, I wish that you find that personal character you obviously misplaced or traded for the chance to be misled by a Fanta-tinted twat. Either way, good luck with your quest.

When I last left you, I had just introduced you to a pair of soon-to-be metaphorically eviscerate conservative schmucks, who go by the names respectively, of Richard (“Ricardo”) Leyba, and Walter L, Cook Sr, and much personal merriment was had. At their expense, of course, because the Artbitch thoroughly enjoys a good roast- especially when the theoretical pigs that are about to be eaten, bring not only the grill, but the maple-wood briquets and secret dipping sauce as well.

All quips aside, I really need to get these people something nice to genuinely thank them for all the free mirth they’ve provided me as of late, and that right quick. Sure, those within the field of aberrant psychology might construe my flippant assessment of free entertainment as warning signs of possible mental illness where the persons I’ve previously written about are concerned, but to each his own.

Dumbf**ks are gonna dumbf**k, and all that, I guess. Now, if said disciple of dipsh***ery stayed only in their lane, I’d hardly pay any attention to them at all, past the occasional insertion of a snarky comment or two, as is my way. However, as this country sadly experienced on January 6th, not only do these puerile patriots not know what lane they’re supposed to be driving in, they’re doing Jell-O shots off the dashboard, as they careen down the sidewalk, yelling “MUH FREEDOMS!!!” for the entire length.

And doing so, backwards.

There once existed a certainty pre-internet, that the foremost cause for widespread willful ignorance, was a lack of access to factual and credible information. If anything, the availability of misinformation trafficked on the World Wide Web at any given moment, has not only driven a stake through the heart of that social myth, it installed a sunlamp inside its coffin as well, if only to make sure it remains dead.

In my day, I had three sources: the local library, the Encyclopedia Britannica, which was like Google, but without all the porn and cat videos, and my dad, who’s only saving grace was the fact that while he couldn’t tell us anything useful, he did have an excellent stash of Playboy magazine hidden out in the garage- I may not be able to tell you anything about the Depository Institutions Deregulation and Monetary Control Act of 1980, but rest assured, I can fill you in regarding every “turn-on” of Playboy’s 25th Anniversary Playmate, Candy Loving, without batting an eye.Which, if you’re curious, include, Walt Disney ice cream, listening to good music, and a warm bed on a cold, rainy night. To be honest, when it comes to the Disney thing, I’m not entirely sure if it’s the movies, the parks, or the man himself she digs, but as the slightly embarrassed owner of about 500 Milla Jovovich screensavers, I really have no room to judge anything here.

Whereas Leyba and Walter are concerned however, not only is it pretty much open season regarding the absurd idiocy that they both post as if they own stock in a meme factory, the level of intellectual firepower needed to disprove it is literally so negligible, that a basic response doing so, is akin to shooting a dolphin wedged in a barrel, from inside the barrel…

With an ICBM.

Whether the topic at hand involves the debating of politics, health, or social issues such as civil rights, racism, wealth inequality, or the modern-day conservative’s faux-rage hot-button concern and favorite scapegoat, that being immigration, both legal and otherwise, it’s almost a certainty that if any type of data is presented as “proof’, it’ll be most indubitably cherry-picked, manipulated, or concocted outright. It the Alt-right ever loses the ability to lie or meme, Twitter would become the heir apparent to OnlyFans.

Sorry PornHub, but you know I’m not wrong. After all, being wrong about, well… almost everything under the Sun is really where America’s Klan [correct spelling] of conservatives really shine, even if the glow is from a tiki-torch. And yes, I’m sticking with that, considering that when looked at it from a statistical overview, White supremacists and others of the same ilk overwhelmingly vote… wait for it- Republican.

Just a heads up, guys- you may not think your party is a haven for wannabe members of the National Socialist German Workers’ Party, but they sure as hell believe it is. You might want to do something about that, after you get done ignoring the reality of it. Now, this is not to say that Leyba and his emotional boyfriend Wally share the same ideology as the affiliated members of what would later mutate into the bad guys from the Indiana jones movie, but they do have a few commonalities to note, some of which I will gleefully dissect as our narrative moves along.

I closed off the first entry chronicling the laughably abominable ignorance of these meme posting morons with a splash of Leyba’s thinly veiled misogyny, disguised as concern that young boys were being malevolently emasculated by of all things, female public school teachers, so I suggest we pick up that baton pf bastard0m and run it a tad bit further down the track. And nto get us out of the starting blocks, we’ll open with this gem of inverted small-dick energy:That’s right, Ladies- ol’ Ricky is here to set you all straight as to what a “real” man likes and rightfully expects out of “their’ woman, and you don’t even have to thank him for doing so. Just shut your mouth, wear what he tells you to wear, and don’t you dare let any thoughts go through that pretty little head of yours, because if there’s any thinking to be done around here, he’ll be the one doing it. You’re welcome. Oh, and don’t forget to praise God too, because for some reason now , he’s involved in wardrobe decisions as well.

However, Wally, our resident ,guru of insincerity, comes off the bench with a meme (naturally) that goes one better than Leyba’s, because his manages to be political, misogynistic, and hypocritical all at the same time, and for a guy of his advanced age and limited intellect, that’s quite the impressive display of ignorant stamina, let me tell you:What Walter is referencing here, other than his sagacity for total disingenuousness, is the fact that TV talk show host Montel Williams and now US VP kamala Harris briefly dated close to TWO DECAD$ES AGO while they were both SINGLE. For the record, in 2001, Williams was recently divorced from his first wife, and it would be 13 more years before Harris would tie the knot with her husband, Doug Emhoff. So, the implication that something illicit (like an affair) was going on, is literally constructed out of Walter’s pathetically uninspired stroking fodder, and his inability to adequately research the factual

Funny thing though? I have yet to see Wally post anything about Trump’s multiple affairs, his raw-dogging a porn star, or the fact that he displays more lecherousness than a Catholic priest at a Boy Scout jamboree, but I’m sure he’ll get right on that, after he gets done feeling indignant that a woman of color dared to have a life without his approval. And as to the memes’ comment of “You can’t make this stuff up”, I’m not sure why two consenting adults dating is even a concern for Wally, unless he’s jealous of the fact that every time he wants to get laid, his GF requires either batteries, or more likely, inflation.

And when it comes to giving due respect to our first female VP of African-Indian descent, rest assured, that Leyba is also keen o putting his best foot forward,,, well, into his mouth anyway, as he attempts, and fails, to hurl two asinine stones at once:.
Let it never be said that Leyba isn’t a class act all the way. In fact, I’m pretty sure that he is, given the rumors that when he’s done allegedly paying for sex, he’ll always hold open the car door for whomever he rented that five minutes from, to let them out. True gentleman, and all that. For all intents and purposes, that’s obviously a joke, because I’m also fairly certain that A: he doesn’t have that much spare cash just lying around, and B: the act of engaging in such things, might lead to a relationship rift between him and his Fleshlight.

I’ll address the “China Joe’ slur in a moment, but let me first offer a discourse on the vulgar commentary below it. To note; the definition of “camel toe’ when specifically applied to women versus a dromedary animal, is thus: “Camel toe” is a slang term that refers to the outline of labia, as seen through tightly fitting clothes. In men, the equivalent to “camel toe” is referred to as a “moose knuckle”.” Considering Leyba’s alleged homophobia that I dissected within the screed preceding this one, I’m going to opine that while Leyba’s chin has never had a set of labia rest upon it, his “open to moose knuckles” sign has been hanging off it for quite some time.

As to the “China Joe” symbolization, the knowledge that it was coined by a man who tried for more than a decade to register trademarks in China, ranging from providing “construction-information,” to real estate  services, as both he and daughter outsourced manufacturing jobs to the country, should have raised some eyebrows among even the most die-hard of conservatives, especially given Trump‘s openly hypocritical anti-China presidential posturing, but it hasn’t, and certifiably, never will.

There’s also the matter of his maintaining bank accounts there as well, but they are excluded from his public financial disclosures, [where individual assets must be itemized], because they are held under corporate names. Chines tax records show that between the period of 2013-15, Trump paid $188,561 in taxes, yet allegedly then went on to collect [as estimated by Forbes] $5.4 million from a lease agreement involving a state-owned bank residing within the Trump Tower, located in New York City.

But please my internet scholar,, lecture us Liberals about Joe Biden’s “corruption, as you deliberately overlook the Sweet and Sour Pork swamp that he and his equally as corrupt daughter reside in. And if I might add these signs started appearing before Biden had even taken office, showing that once again, Conservatives for all of their mewling about being forward-thinking, have truly no inner outlook on what’s to come, no unbiased recollection of the past, and most certainly, no awareness of the present as well.

Case in point? Well, here’s yet another sampling of Leyba’s cuck-cake, in which he informs us all, as to what “real” masculinity is, and once again, it just goes to show exactly why in the not-too-distant future, there’ll’ be an entire cottage industry within the psychiatric community making bank off his much needed, but hopefully not court-ordered, therapy. And while Walter is curiously silent on the subject of masculinity, you have my word that he’ll make up for it when he reemerges..The first thing that came to mind when I read this, was that somewhere, perhaps out in the parking lot behind the factory where they make AXE body-spray, Ted Nugent just called Bill O’ Reilly to excitedly declare that they had finally found the One True Douchebag, as foretold in the prophecies issued as actual readers’ letters by Bob Guccione, the late prophet of Penthouse’s Forum section.
Drink in the awesomeness boys and girls, that was Bob- because this is what a true feminist looks like.

Now to be honest, I have no idea what kind of father figure raised Leyba, but judging from this recycled 1950’s era sexist tripe, I can only assume he drank his Scotch neat, smoked unfiltered cigarettes, and died a broken man after his fed-up wife left him for another woman. Once again, I’m just poking fun, but holy crap… if this diatribe involved any more chest-beating, Leyba’s spleen would be forced by his now-shattered sternum, to take up residence on the backside of his lungs.

As for his closing advice of; “So… grow your beard, wear your boots, eat your steak, carry a knife, own a gun, [in case you can’t find your knife?] protect your woman, fight for what is right and just, Be strong” I can only point out that despite not offering up any counsel advising young men that they should have not only respect for women and their body autonomy, they should also gracefully accept that women also aren’t a possessive object to be owned of displayed, either,

I’m sure he was going to get right on those topics, but not until he reminded his domestic trophy, that he runs the house, and she just needs to keep it clean for when his friends come over. Newsflash Ricky- no one has ever told you or anyone else for that matter, what you can and can’t do as an adult male, and if this sort of thing does happen to you a lot, maybe it’s not because they don’t understand what masculinity accurately entails, maybe it’s you who doesn’t.

But like most lowly curs that find a bone and run with it, Leyba just can’t let go of his obsession that not acting like a 14-year-old brotard well past the age when you should, is a bad thing, and feebly swipes at modern society with this meme, combining vulgarity, his mewling fear, and perhaps even far worse in this, the age of auto-correct… incorrect spelling:
Wow. Just… wow. I won’t speak for anyone save myself here, but if your idea of “manly” is to be the living embodiment of a men’s room floor inside the NYC subway terminal, you sir, have smashed it the f**k out of the proverbial park.

I’m so impressed in fact, that I’ll even overlook yet another misogynistic slur of yours that directly infers that women are somehow inferior to men yet again, due to nothing more than a quirk of biology. I as usual, can only speak for myself, but if I were to be brutally honest, I’d have to suggest that being born with genitalia that can be racked into either nausea or unconsciousness just by hitting the toilet seat wrong, isn’t really much of an asset, when all is said and done.

Just for fun, here’s a few interesting facts about vaginas, and if you’d like, feel free to take notes, so you don’t publicly embarrass yourself like Ricky tends to do. First and foremost, close to half pf the planet’s denizens have one, and almost all of them have no interest in what Ricky erroneously believes. Also, the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as a penis, which means it can be as sensitive as Ricky is when reality doesn’t agree with him. Even though, you’d think he’d be used to that by now, given how frequently it occurs.

And unlike a man’s spawn hammer, vaginas manage to push out a fully formed human being, and most do so worldwide without the benefit of anesthesia, but please little Ricky, tell us all again about how women are the weaker ones. And if you still think that they are, remember your childhood- nobody would ever admit to being scared of your dad, but they were openly terrified sh**less when it came to your mom.

I earlier stated my humorous conviction that while Ricky’s chin has “never had a set of labia rest upon it, his “open to moose knuckles” sign has been hanging off it for quite some time”, and I still stand by this, even if it’s only at best, a cheap joke. However, I would now like to amend that observation somewhat, as I’m also going to suggest that not only has one never occupied his chin, the only ones he has ever seen, were due to the courtesy of, and his access to, the World Wide Web.

Which, when given serious contemplation, makes his incorrect spelling for multiple vaginas quite odd, because the web correctly identifies such a grouping as “pussies”, and not the moniker for multiple cats. Maybe that’s why he seems so confused as where to stick both his nose and his diminutive wang. That’s just an educated guess on my part,, as I quite honestly, really don’t want to know the actual answer.

Nevertheless, if you want to be a card-carrying member of the Misogynist Moron Club, then the next natural step is to demand the right to dictate what women who are unknown to you, do with their own bodies, because as a male who lacks both a uterus and the responsibility that comes with it, you, of course, obviously know far better than they do, as to what’s truly best for them and the spawn you don’t want to pay for, and more pertinently, will not raise to adulthood.

And now, as Ricky takes a well-earned break from humiliating himself, may I reintroduce our good friend Walter L Cook Sr, who’s come straight from the chaise lounge where he’s been dreaming about dictating total strangers’ reproductive choices, as yet another of his unique takes on what he so wrongly considers to be correct and beneficial commentary, is offered up for your enjoyment:
For the record, Planned Parenthood does not: kill people”, because a fetus is not a person, until it can actually survive outside the womb, which it cannot do, hence the reason why such procedures are performed during an exceedingly brief window of time. It must be very comforting to be able to sanctimoniously demand that others forgo a decision that you yourself, will never be forced to make.

I find it interesting however, that while doctors in a hospital can declare someone legally dead if they have no brain activity, yet still have a heartbeat, and can generally do so without too much fear of authoritative public reproach, however, the reverse is true when it comes to the act of sanctioned abortion. To clarify my previous point, abortions are undertaken when the as yet undeveloped fetus has no definable brain activity whatsoever.

What this means in the simplest pf laymen terms, is that there is no cognitive awareness contained within the fetus to speak of. Zero. Zilch. NADA. It is, by all estimations, both medical and morality wise, brain-dead. But just ignore all that, so you can rationalize your wanting to cosplay The Handmaiden’s Tale for real. Or better yet, just move to Texas, and pretend that your interest in stopping access to legal abortions, has less to do with controlling the women who’s use of their autonomy infuriates you, and instead, cast yourself in the heroic role of honoring the proclamations of an invented deity who’s very own manual of instructions, says nothing about the act itself. .

in fact, the word “abortion” does not appear at any point within the Bible, regardless of what translation it may be. Interestingly, when the over 600 Mosaic laws are reviewed, not a single whatsoever, remarks about the act itself. Exodus 21:22-25 does mention miscarriage as a crime, but only if If a woman involved has one as the result of a fight- if so, the man who caused it should be fined. If the woman dies however, the perpetrator must themselves, be put to death:

“If men strive, and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit depart from her, and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished according as the woman’s husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges determine. And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life, Eye for eye, tooth for tooth ”

The Bible does not dictate consequences for the loss of a fetus, but does order the death penalty for the murder of a human being. And don’t worry, I can discuss how enacting the death penalty literally violates God’s own Commandant No. 5 at a later date.

In addendum, the procedure is also not part of a Deep State plot to murder a future generation either, as abortion procedures [estimated] constitute less than three percent, with the majority of provided services encompassing the following: STD / HIV testing and treatment, birth control, reproductive cancer screening, including prostate cancer, pap tests and well woman exams, vaccines, providing PrEP and PEP (medications, prenatal care, Transgender health services, including HRT, vasectomies, and counseling services, along with sex education.

And no… abortions are not underwritten by the federal government, and haven’t been since 1974, due to the Hyde Amendment, which just so happens to be a jurisdictive provision excluding the use of federal funds to pay for abortion except to save the life of the woman, or if the pregnancy arises from incest or rape. So, feel free to zip your lips before you start dragging that threadbare inanity out of your uneducated mouth. But Wally, he of the non-uterus enhanced gender, still has more to say about the subject, even if he wraps it in a rant topped with delusional sauce:Damn. Coalescing Islamophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, jingoism, and displaying his stunning betrayal of the so-called Christian beliefs he claimed previously to hold so dear, as he obsesses over uteruses that he has no connection to? This is some truly grand dedication to the craft of being a self-righteous jackass, and I mean that most sincerely. I mean, this Trunt can’t defend a single one of his repulsive points of view, but he can mix the vilest elements of Humanity’s weaknesses together, as if he were Tom Cruise starring in 1988’s “Cocktail”.

And if you’re still unsure as to whether or not Wally here is the champion of morality that he claims to be, keep in mind that not only does he STILL support Trump, just like most virtuous Christians would do, he also doesn’t seem too awfully concerned about the life the babies he wants born will have, long after they are. And if his anti-immigrant comments are a tell, I’m pretty sure there’s a shading index when it comes to exactly which babies he wants to save in the end.

Of course, that’s just my opinion. Feel free to form your own, using the data I’ve previously provided, and we’ll compare our personal takes somewhere down the road. Speaking if data, you would think that a person who obsesses over the unborn that he’ll never know, and most certainly won’t assist, would also go that one step further, and undertake a deep dive as it were, to know inside and out, the full scope of the topic that he browbeats others with, as if he were a part-time dominatrix doorman in a Marquis de Sade themed hotel.

But then again, we should all take a moment to remember just who we’re talking about, and what he considers to be personal role models, such as this tinted pig testicle, seen here, mocking a physically disabled journalist;
So, yes… we should totally trust the critical research skills of a man who claims to value life, unless of course, his favorite mango man-crush deems it ripe for public humiliation. And as an amusing aside, I’d like to remind our resident uterine usher of the time that Trump told Howard Stern that when it came to the topic of abortion; “It’s never been my big issue. Somebody asks me, and I say pro-life, but it’s never been an issue that really has been discussed with me in great detail.”  Other than the time he joked [to Stern\about wanting his first mistress (and later, second wife) Marla, to abort their daughter Tiffany, pf course.

And just because I don’t want to make Walter feel like a hypocrite for his earlier rant where he talked about homeless vets and a ”cry for compassion”, I won’t even mention how little of such Trump has shown towards both the homeless and veteran demographic. Nonetheless, and for the moment, let’s forget all that, so that we may hear yet another under-educated from Walter regarding an excruciatingly personal decision he’ll never have the right to make for others:

Sigh… can anybody reading this please tell me, just how one can be this goddamn stupid, and yet, still use the internet to consistently download ignorantly incorrect memes? Oh, wait… I think I just answered my own question there, so never mind. While this narrative of rampant and un-prosecuted infanticide is a popular point of dissertation within the pro-life community, it is also blatantly, transparently, and abominably, false.  

Late term abortions, which take place at or after 21 weeks, are not only unusual, they represent 1% of all abortions performed within the US. This completely legal medical procedure is performed only in cases when health concerns such as fetal birth defects, or endangerment of the mother’s life, happen to present themselves as medically actionable. Walter can scream to the sky all that he wants, but there will never be a day where he and the rest of his facetious Fallopian f**kheads get what they want, It’s lawful Wally, and will remain so, as it’s none of your business to begin with.

And once again, thanks for showing us all yet again, that when it comes to lowering one’s intellectual bar, you’re willing to dig all the way to China to do so. Far be it from me to mock your readiness to so openly display your unsubstantiated male privilege in public, but I do admire your unwavering dedication to it. If anything, it may be the only good quality you can call attention to.

Another demographic that conservatives have been gleefully maligning as ethically challenged grafters and cheats since the Reagan era, is the working poor, and the financially indigent, portrayed much in the same way that they classify immigrants as the true enemies of “Western Civilization”, a catch-phrase most associated with the modern-day White supremacy movement. In short, if you’re brownish or poor, you’re the real cause behind America’s financial and cultural decline, because unlike the non-tax-paying 1%, personified by Jeff Bezos and others of his corporate ilk, you add nothing to the country that’s been far too charitable, if not far too gullible, to provide you the safest of undeserved harbors for years.

And you can bet the sweetest of your bippies, that both he and Leyba, will have memse for this opinion:
Oh, look everyone! Candyass Owens has arrived, and as is typical, our resident Steph-anie Fetchit for conservative compensation, has a racist observation cloaked as an oblivious judgement. Other than the fact that this meme is the Alt-right’s pictorial equivalent of “I can’t be racist, I have a Black friend”, it’s also a tad bit puzzling, as well. What pray tell, does the topic of slavery, the legacy of which Candy here, owes her place in this country to, have to do with the working poor and impoverished?  

NOTHING, that’s what. Christ, if i didn’t know any better, I’d have to assume her side-hustle was serving as the Deflector Shield on the USS Enterprise. We get it, Candy O- you’re perfectly okay with selling out your race, your ethics, and most disturbingly, your gender, to the highest bidder as if they were on the block at Point Comfort, but JFC… what the f**k did a poor person ever do to you personally? Remind you that your only value to the Establishment you pimp for, is as a token accessory?

Key word here of course, being “token”.

I also have to question the authenticity of her coming across “only lazy people”, as the bizzarro world she lives in, is overstocked with sycophants such as herself, who only live to perform an act of metaphorical fellatio or cunnilingus upon those that they believe can benefit them down the road- hence the reason why this self-made puerile pundit could in theory, easily tie a Constrictor Knot without using her hands to do so.

The only “Human Parasite” I see here, you morally rudderless Aunt Jemima, is the one that claims Racism doesn’t exist, yet sued her former college for “racial harassment”, and then later, attempted to sue Facebook over fact-checking her labeled as false posts regarding Coronavirus. Claiming that Facebook’s actions financially harmed her by deriving her of advertising revenue that she gleans from her Facebook page, she also sued for intentional interference with contractual relations, tortious interference with prospective business relations, and unfair competition, along with two separate claims accusing defamation.

Clarifying his dismissal of the case, based on the Courts’ finding that Owens had failed to state an actionable claim against the targeted defendants, Superior Court Judge Craig Karsnitz stated that; “The political aspects of this case are manifest but must be ignored in favor of application of the law,” Minus the legalese, this may be the nicest way to say; screech all you want, my representative of conservative Candida, but the only way they’ll ever let you into their club, is if you agree to come in through the kitchen’s backdoor, pr more accurately where you’re concerned, the servant’s entrance.

Here, we see Wally attempt a different approach to mocking the working poor, by sadly pretending that he understands exactly how unemployment benefits, and our capitalistic gig-driven economy, work:
Seriously… if anyone reading this happens to personally knows this Kindergartner masquerading as an adult, it might be time to deny him access to the house scissors, and replace them with Hello Kitty ones, instead. Let me see if I can explain what’s currently going on to you Walter, without using flash cards, cartoons, or hand puppets. To note, close to half [43%] of all jobs in this country, pay somewhat  less than the average unemployment check issued in its place.

Now, to a fully-functioning human, the fist thought that this knowledge should inspire is; “Holy crap, that’s barely a living wage, considering that in this country currently, there’s no state where you can rent a one-bedroom apartment, while working for minimum-wage.” Why is that you, but not Walter, ask? It’s all centered on the fact that while CEO compensation has grown 940% since 1978, the average worker has only seen an uptick of 12%, the last of such raises being sanctioned in July, of 2009.

In a move that’s ever so convenient for his narrative, Walter has chosen to ignore that across the board, wages have not kept up with inflation, and they certainly haven’t kept pace with the rising costs of living, either. Rent is up. Food costs are up. Gas is up. Utilities are up. Incidental expenses are up. Healthcare costs are up. And no, it isn’t a specific political party’s fault, although we all do know which one has specific ideologists who don’t give a damn if somebody can or cannot, afford to pay for the elements of basic survival.

As an example, I have yet to see a democrat rail against a living wage and affordable healthcare, but I digress for the moment. Indeed, the troglodytes will just suggest you either get “a better job” from an employer who still won’t pay you what you’re worth, or that you should acquire an additional “side-hustle”, to make ends meet, because as it turns out, the root cause of all your financial strife isn’t the fault of our one-sided system of capitalism, it’s that you, the poor unskilled worker drone, spends too much money on coffee from Starbucks. Ditch the latte, become a financial hot-tay, as the cool rich kids like to say.

What Walter and the assumed voices in his head that feed him his asinine thoughts fail to recognize, is this: anybody who works 40 hours a week, should be able to easily pay their bills, and that’s it. Rather than impugn the working poor, maybe you should ask their employers who pay far less in taxes, as to why they treat their workforce like disposable chattel, for a start. Looking squarely at you Jeff Bezos, America’s premier Lex Luthor cosplayer.
However, Wally did ask for an answer, so I’ll give him one. I know this may come as a shock to you, Walter, but when you live paycheck to paycheck, it’s damn near nigh impossible to prepare for a situation, such as a global pandemic, which, thanks to anti-mask/vaccine dumbf**ks like yourself, keep spreading the virus as if they were handing out samples at Costco, mainly because they refuse to follow common sense health protocols

Why can’t “they” pay their rent, you asked? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that landlords, utility companies, internet and telecommunication providers refused to freeze payments during this time of international strife, leading to whatever meager savings these people had being drained, just so they could survive. How dare they not think of your feelings regarding the matter. Bastards, every single one of “them”. Not like you of course… you’re just swell.

Sadly, Walter isn’t alone in his failure to grasp the fallout in relation to modern-day Capitalism, as his fellow ideological imbecile Ricky proves, by presenting as his way, yet another meme in place of a fact-based argument:
Before I address this self-righteous arrogance from a man who seemingly spends all of his free time searching out pictures on the internet because thinking for yourself is apparently hard, I’d like to call attention that among the small group of faux patriots Ricky protests reality with. These people trade memes as if they were baseball cards or the girlfriends of Hugh Hefner. If I had to classify this discord sowing circle, I’d opine that they’re the closest thing I’ve ever seen to an online circle jerk, at best.

It would be hypocritical of me to deride the act of mental masturbation, but JFC, I’d at least pick better partners if I were to engage in such an activity, and I most definitely, wouldn’t brag about it so openly. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of finding your center, but being an ignorant jackass in an attempt to secure it, is undeniably not the way to achieve it. So, “this new generation does not like working”, Ricky?

Gee, I wonder why that is, Rickarino… maybe the root cause is that the new generation as you so blithely dismiss it, isn’t willing as we all were to be exploited to death, perhaps? Or would it be that they, unlike us, figured out that the concept of “Work/Life balance” is a f**ked-up punchline in regards to personal fulfillment? I’d also suggest that maybe they’re sick and tired of not being able to afford the life derived from all of their hard work, but that’s just off the top of my head.

Nah, “they” once again, must just be lazy. After all, just because they as a whole, can’t afford to buy a home, pursue higher education, or see a doctor when necessary without the worry of financial loss or total ruin, shouldn’t alter your opinion at all. And before you decry that the new generation is somehow less than yours, I’d suggest that you also take a moment to remember that collectively, yours and mine, are the generations that left them this economic sewer to begin with. You can’t complain about the playing field, if you’re the vandal that ripped up all the grass.

Comprender, cabrón? Oh, who am I kidding… it’s like having a battle of wits with a plate of deep-fried Churros, except for the fact that unlike Ricky, most people actually look forward to seeing them in their house. Speaking of things that are largely comprised of lard, although in this case, I’m referencing to his intellect, Walter returns with this gem, where he seamlessly merges his paranoia, social racism, and his obvious distaste for helping the less fortunate into an opinion that could have only come out of the failure of his parents to spawn a human with a working soul:Hmm… has anyone else noticed that when Trumpians show up en masse on a weekday no less, to protest everything from non-existent voter fraud to non-existent forced vaccinations, they classify themselves as “patriots” and not lavabouts shirking their employment responsibilities?  I’m sure there’s no hypocrisy there to dissect, am I right? And the inference that people who protest for the cause of Civil Rights are always on Welfare? A classic slur, straight out of the pages of the disingenuousness playbook that conservatives reference more than they ever do the Bible.

You remember the Bible don’t you, Walter? It’s chock-full of edicts regarding the poor, such as Proverbs 22:9, which says: “Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed, for he shares his bread with the poor.” Now if that’s not your speed, you could always go with Proverbs 14:32, “Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him.” Personally, I’ve always liked the simplicity of Deuteronomy 15:11 which declares that; “For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore, I command you, ‘You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land.’

But hey… it’s not like you have to explicitly follow the commands of the God you claim to worship, pr suffer consequences for not doing so, I’m sure. After all, he seems like a really chill guy, the above rules above notwithstanding, and I’m almost certain that at this point, he’s probably fed up with being the charitable one all the time. In fact, I’m thinking the perfect crystallization of who you are and what you stand for, is best encapsulated by Proverbs 29:7; “A righteous man knows the rights of the poor; a wicked man does not understand such knowledge.”

And as time goes on, it’s fairly clear to us all, that not only do you fail to understand or even care, just why people protest injustice, you’re apparently cool with it running unchecked over the most vulnerable of our society. Jesus must be so proud. That’s probably the reason why he tells everyone he has no idea who you are. But when it comes to Me on the other hand? Not only does he know my name and my favorite color, I have his personal cell number too, as he’d rather spend his free time hanging out with kind  and logical atheists, rather than faux Christians who ironically, are also truly hateful. Weird, that.

Differing ideologies aside, even I will admit, lf begrudgingly that is, that there is some limited distinction to having a good work ethic, although I wouldn’t be so crass as to sully it with an abominable neglect for the reality of the struggles that many Americans are currently going through.  The Beatles once sang that ”It’s Been a Hard Day’s Night”, but an addendum that these two obviously believe in, is that  a hard day’s work, ls not as valuable say, than not appearing as if you built your previous assertions regarding the merits of work on a base of hypocritical sand:

At this moment, you might think Ricky’s calling for a day off from work to go protest a sadly necessary mask mandate might present itself as a moral quandary for someone whose words and actions were lauded as consistently straightforward, but let’s all remember which lifetime member of the Janus fan club we’re currently dealing with here, shall we?

 In a nutshell, this “new generation” doesn’t want to work, but it’s perfectly acceptable for Ricky here, to not only call out of work without fear of credible consequence, I might add, but the impetus behind such, is so that he can go participate in an orgy of whiny bitchiness with his fellow Karens and Kevins. Make no mistake though, Leyba knows exactly who he really is, despite the evidence available to both he and us, and in order to prove it, has decided to employ a borrowed meme that was written by another person, to declare his unique individuality from the balcony of his pre-manufactured ivory trailer:I’m starting to think that when it comes to displaying a genuine personality, Leyba’s ability to do so, is as strong as the one that Gary Busey’s ‘s teeth have to remain inside his lips. All sarcasm aside, this jackass wraps himself in so many labels, you’d think he was having a torrid love affair with a Dymo LabelManager 420P. There are several reasons why you’re not considered politically correct, Ricky, and it has less to do with the rationalizations that you lifted from a complete stranger, and far more with the fact that when it comes to a grasp on the issues of the day, your intellectual grip is akin to that of a Teflon coated duck running on ice… downhill.

As we’ve come to see, if not expect, from the majority of Leyba’s on loan opinions, not having the ability to articulate his impotent confusion at how the world actually works, has bit him once more in that future intellectual illiteracy poster image he calls a face, and I for one, could not be happier about it. The only way that mocking those like Leyba and Walter could get any easier, is if a team of snarky Elves crept into my bedroom at night as I slept, and wrote these pieces for me. But since they seem to be too busy these days baking cookies in a tree, that is, when they’re not trying to assassinate Snap, Crackle, and Pop- I guess I’ll just have to continue doing it myself.

To note; 1: You can’t be “born again”. You can however, pervert a religion to justify you’re being a sh***y human being though, which sadly, does seem to be working out for you. 2: I can only assume you’re referring to one made in China, where your mango Mussolini still maintains secret bank accounts, and also where his unrealized sex fantasy/daughter located her sweatshops?

3: And yet, you and your ilk can never explain just why. Maybe someday. 4: Of course, you do. After all, it’s not like your dick is gonna get any bigger, and traditionally, ammo is way cheaper than the lengthening surgery you so desire. 5: Very much in the same way you’re for worker exploitation, crippling personal debt, and blocking others from earning a living wage.

What a brave stand you’ve taken, Gunga Dim.

6: Border security, AKA racist xenophobia. Either/or. Whatever lights your tiki torch. 7: No, you’re a willfully ignorant spit-for-brains, but since you are, I can understand your misunderstanding of the descriptive. 8: Man, not being elected Prom Queen has really messed you up, hasn’t it? Dude, it’s 2021- nobody cares if you’re still in the closet. Even if you are allegedly sitting on next year’s Christmas gifts. 9: Again, I admire your brave stand, considering that it’s a decision that you’ll never have be forced to make, and live in a society that never penalizes the cowardly men who seeded and ran.

And finally, we reach number 10, where Ricky lets us all know that while he does respect “the” Constitution, he can’t be bothered to extend that esteem to the practice of good grammar. Not only have you never read the Constitution Ricky, save for the 2nd Amendment, I seriously doubt that you’ve ever owned a copy that didn’t come as a pop-up version, or with a cartoon bald eagle on the cover. That is, if you’ve ever been in possession of one at any point in your life.

It stands to reason, that if you get all your opinions from memes downloaded off the Web, the odds are also pretty good that the depth of your personal library consists of nothing more than a take-out menu from Blake’s, and a dog-eared copy of The Art of The Deal, written by a ghostwriter who’s made more money from the book than the so-called “deal maker” described within its too-far-apart-covers did. But maybe, I’m being a tad bit judgmental regarding Leyba’s limited literary understanding, because the Constitution does tend to use a lot of five-dollar words, and to be fair, some may be a buck or two out of his humanistic reach.

That is not to say however, that there isn’t a lot of words in there he can’t understand, it’s more accurate to say they’re words he strongly dislikes the meanings of, such as “personal responsibility”,, for instance. Ironically though, he did undertake dome unforeseen initiative and compiled a list of several other words relating to such, that he vehemently opposes, due to the fact that they dare to remind that the world doesn’t revolve solely around him:If I were forced to say something complimentary about this walking pile of egocentric and faux eruditeness, the best that I could mutter would be that he’ll never go hungry, because he’s already so goddamn full of himself, that there’s no room left for a bite that nourishes, much less a brain that works Scratch that assessment, I should have really left a niche for his soul in there as well, but it’s doubtful that a berth for it could exist given the cramped quarters, and it’s not like he’s ever had a function9ng one to begin with, so I guess it’s all good in the end..

As with most things conservatives purport a belief in, they didn’t come up with it of their own accord,, they gleaned it seamlessly from somebody else who’s idiocy they admire. In this case, Candyass Owens is back, and she’s obviously Leyba’s t inspiration to emulate flawlessly, the driving sentiment popular among these self-declared patriotic Americans, that being a sense of unbridled selfish narcissism:

What. A. Badass. Bitch. Am I right, kids? Not about her being a badass, mind you, the part about her being a bitch, I mean.What. A. Badass. Bitch. Am I right, kids?

Not about her being a badass, mind you, the part about her being a bitch, I mean. It’s bad enough that as a self-declared patriotic American, that she views a unified front as the lowest of “communistic propaganda”, but recently, a private facility in Colorado refused to test her for COVID, citing in an email sent by the facilities owner, that;

“I’ve just learned of this testing request and as the owner of this business am going to refuse this booking and deny service. We cannot support anyone who has pro-actively worked to make this pandemic worse by spreading misinformation, politicizing and DISCOURAGING the wearing of masks and actively dissuading people from receiving life-saving vaccinations.” “My team and myself have worked overtime, to exhaustion, unpaid and underpaid this past year, spending our own capital to ensure that our community remains protected,” “It would be unfair to them and to the sacrifices we have all made this year to serve you” …

Most of us, because we’re actually people, might wonder if she gave even the slightest of pause to the random fleeting thought that maybe, just maybe, calling the COVID-19 vaccine “purely evil” and railing against mask-wearing mandates, might have been in retrospect, a bad idea overall. And knowing that the ostensible email also included the consideration that she should instead, visit “the only other local testing option,” which, has “inconsistent result times”, and I for one, would hope it would have burned, as if she were riding atop a flaming Sybian machine.

But once again, let’s all take a second to recall what a disingenuous conservative carnival barker she is, and go on from there, shall we? An alleged race-trader who claims that Racism isn’t real, while suing her former college for racism. Up to speed? Great. Let’s sally forward.

Does it strike anyone else as strange that somebody who derides the evidence underpinning vaccines and mask mandates to stave off COVID, would also simultaneously trust the science that determines those infected with it? While the answer to my inquiry is perceptibly “yes”, the timing of her interest is quite odd as well. Prior to her attempt, she was scheduled to be a key speaker at the Texas Youth Summit. Because the future Brownshirts of America tend to be made, not born, buy canceled due to what an event organizer termed a “sudden illness”, which I’m sure was nothing more than a wacky coinkydink.

Taking to her favorite perch of victimhood, aka the World Wide Web, Owens responded to the valid snub by saying: “I wanted to let you know that this might objectively be the most hilarious e-mail I have ever received in my life. Truly, I’ve never laughed harder,” A claim that I find somewhat personally dubious, as I’d assume she watches the SAW movies strictly for the jokes.

Sustaining her assertion that she did not have COVID, and that any supposition that she did quantified as an unsupported (irony abounds here) “conspiracy theory”, and she would know, being the reigning princess of them, she added; “Nothing screams ‘this virus isn’t political’ quite like googling the names of the people who book tests with you and determining on a case-by-case basis whether or not you will let them comply with your community covid measures. Nothing screams ‘I love my local community’ quite like refusing to test people who are going to a local event and wish to ensure they are negative and therefore do not spread the virus.”

She then disparaged the business owner’s email as “emotional unstable and hysterical” , as she deflected from facing the points raised within, ending her hypocritically oblivious limp-wristed-swipe with a cheery, “LOL.”, which just goes to show you, that just because she shamelessly shucks and jives as if she were auditioning to be cast as Dandy [ “Jim” on the original model sheets] Crow in the stage revival of Dumbo, that doesn’t mean she can’t have some fun with it.  And even better, they could call her Candy Crow instead, and all she’d have to do to deliver an Oscar-worthy performance as it were, is to simply pretend that she was being interviewed by Tucker Carlson, in regards to the subject of systematic racism.

But you have to give this latest routine some props though, because after mewling the last year screaming tyranny anytime COVID protocols and treatments are mentioned, she now presents herself as their noble and embattled champion. Point of order, Candyass? You don’t get to dictate what is or isn’t political, nor what a community should do to protect its citizens when you post Twitter comments stating how you purposefully, won’t undertake the merest of actions required to protect the ones you allegedly love.

With no due respect, your personal credibility has more holes in it than can be found at a pornstar convention. However, at least those women, unlike you, are more than comfortable admitting that they swallow random penill, both literal and metaphorical, for their expected payday.

Now, while it’s been a bit since we’ve heard from Walter, we can have full confidence that that he wants a slice of the non-vaccinated hate-cake too, and he dives back in, pairing it with this delightful side-dish, full of self-owning privilege and paranoid misinformation- say what you will, the man knows his milieu:
Correct me if I’m reading this wrong h,, but it seems my newest BFF Wally here, is just more than a bit concerned that he might lose his mythical God-given right to his body sovereignty, and having his options to make his own healthcare decisions limited. If the act of getting vaccinated finds itself legislated from being a suggestion to an unavoidable requirement, I could see why he’d be overly concerned about it. is that accurate, pr am I just seeing things that aren’t there, like Walter tends to do?

Add, he does so, I might add, without the aid of hallucinogens… well, illegal ones anyway, as OAN, Newsmax, and Sean Hannity’s stoking of nonsensical fears, are all still quite sadly, not breaking any mandated laws, save for the ones regarding truth, decency, and what was once the American way. But I understand why the very thought of being powerless regarding that which should remain private, would keep one up at night. I mean, can you just imagine the indignity and frustration of having people unknown to you, dictating what you could and could not do with your own body?

Terrifying situation to find oneself in, isn’t it, Walter? You bet it is. Interestingly, you now have kind of a glimpse into what it’s like to be the 24/7 owner of a uterus, and having to constantly fight off the sanctimonious inferences of jackasses like you, demanding full and unfettered oversight of conclusions that you have no right, morally or legally, to make for others. As tp the rest of your hysterically unaware rant, it’s not like there’s vaccine squads patrolling your neighborhood forcing the “jab” upon you, nor will there ever be.

If I chose to be exceedingly gracious, I’d suggest that this could be a teaching moment for you, that used your [paranoic feelings to cast an uncomfortable light upon your own hypocrisy, but I already know that you’re incapable of facing the reality as it presents itself. Others of far better eloquence might vireo this as a miserable state of affairs for you, but I, being far less diplomatic, know that for your dumb ass, it’s just another Tuesday.

The enduring COVID pandemic is a hot button topic for many within the conservative movement, and despite overwhelming evidence that people continue to die and suffer the aftereffects of a disease that crystallizes your lungs, they still decry the valid science as false, masking protocols as tyranny, and disseminate a myriad of truly insane, inept, and wholly fabricated conspiracy theories that are so logically implausible, even Ron L. Hubbard would have given their ideology and its followers, the cold shoulder

Keep in mind,  he created a religion where not only did he claim intimate knowledge of an ancient interplanetary civilization, he then went on to construct a Faith based on an absurd concept in which, millions of its denizens were decimated and then evolved into what Scientologists call “body thetans,” beings who, and I swear I am not making this up,  latch onto humans, and then cause those very same humans to suffer personal trauma.

In essence, they’re like Republicans, but far more dedicated to Humanity, and tend to be invisible, which not only serves as a perfect analog for just how the GQP views its personal responsibility to keeping others safe, it makes it far easier to craft this blatant con job into an actual religious conviction. But never let it not be noted that Leyba can’t embarrass himself just as efficiently as Walter does, especially when it comes to the specific topic of attempting to manage the spread of this virulent disease:Looking at this temper tantrum disguised as the shrillest of political observations, all I can state in retort, is that it’s really going to suck when he realizes that if he follows his meme to the letter, he’ll never be able to walk into any business again that has a “No shirt, no shoes, no service”, sign posted in their window, as well as any attraction, venue, or airport that necessitates tickets and ID, as he was rather specific, in regards to his whole “Requires anything to enter”, declaration of his.

In addendum, this punitive position definitely rules out most bars that ask for ID, and for that matter just so happen to take all strip clubs off of the proverbial map as a rule.

And while yes, that does include those places where the “Thunder from Down Under” performs as well, Ricky, but given today’s technological advances, I’m sure you can always download a performance of it off the Net.  Now, regarding your battle call for an instituted boycott, as I noted in the first chapter of this toxic tale, I’m sure it will be just as efficacious as all of the other ones you’ve failed to make a dent with, over the last few years.

But Ricky, being a man of letters, isn’t the type to place all of his narcissistic embargoes in one boycotting basket by using the threat of economic ruin, he’s going to fall back on his go-to lucky token, who this time around, is going to speak for the most vulnerable pf our citizens, even though no one asked her to, and in a move we all saw coming, the woman who whined about not being able to be tested for COVID as she simultaneously twittered proudly about being a selfish cow, threw them under her ego bus:
If I may, I’d like to elucidate an earlier statement that I made, wherein I called Ricky a “man of letters”. At the time, I truly had no idea that those letters were going to be “F” and “U”. I sincerely apologize. I will go on to say this though- man, when Candy’s career as a shrilling shrew hits its eventual zenith, she might want to consider a secondary career in renting her genitalia out as an ice storage facility, because this c**t is cold.

Whether or not the vulnerable were asked or not, wanting to help people regardless, is for most of us, the sign of a fully functioning human being, unless of course, you’re a racist vanilla wafer that’s been dipped in a low-grade chocolate substitute, and then repackaged as a spokesperson for the blandest walking among us. And as for the supposed issue of “trillion-dollar wealth transfers”, it isn’t the middle class that’s playing three-card-Monte with the greenbacks these days, you tweeting twat- that’s your crew.

I don’t know anything about her family dynamic, but after reading her tweet, I’d have to wonder aloud if her idea of a thoughtful gift for a sick relative is an economically-priced home version of the Do-It-Yourself Dr. Kevorkian Kit. Going one step further, I bet when her relatives are forced to offer up a hug, they probably worry about contracting a bad case of frostbite. On the upside however, I’d also have to think that she can perfectly chill a bottle of wine in seconds flat. Trust me. I’ve got a million zingers like this, but I’ll move on for the sake of my audience.

So, the vaccine recommended by the CDC, is now equitable to the actions of the NAZI’s in WW2? Well then, my walking glory-hole for a cabal of conservative Massa, let’s dissect your abominable analogy, using only the facts as they are, not as you’d like them to be. As this moment in time, [August, 2021] total individual doses of the various vaccines number around 339 million, given to an estimated 187.2 million people. This sets the number of fully vaccinated Americans somewhat just above the halfway mark.

Sadly, between December 2020, and July 2021, the CDC’s Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) established that there were 6,207 reported deaths amid people who got a vaccine, but this does not infer or even prove, that the vaccine caused these particular deaths I will not in any way, shape or form, imply that these deaths are anything less than tragic, but statistically, they present a death rate of 0.0018%, as specified by the total numbers inoculated.

When one looks at these numbers objectively, rather than with a barely disguised agenda, the data overall, presents as fairly positive. And if the numbers are so analytically low, then why is the Right so concerned, given how much they proudly post the survival rates of COVID as being around 96%? For those of you who are bad at math, a rate of 0.0018% is lower than 4%, no matter what side of the political fence you are, and trust me on this, everybody looks the same when they’re attached to a ventilator.

And yet, this data is somehow equivalent to the atrocities foisted upon humanity by the NAZI’s? As much as these medical illiterates’ rant that it is, reality easily proves that it’s not. I could note the untold millions subjected to the act of genocide, undertaken with nationalistic pride by the dual actions of concentration camps and squads of Einsatzgruppen, but why do that, when I can observe Leyba and his ilk, paralleling what is essentially a paper cut at best, to you know… an entire race of innocent person being forced at gunpoint to strip naked, and then be gassed to death inside a sealed room?

Poor baby. I can only hope someone out there has the foresight to found a charity to help ease all of your suffering. I’ll provide some examples of this false narrative being one of the more popular tropes currently being shopped around the universe of alternative facts that conservatives wallow in, no matter what contrary evidence may exist.This warning brought to you by someone who views getting a free (and voluntary) shot to keep others safe, as being akin to being a witness to, and a victim of targeted genocide, but carry on, my modern-day Anne Frank.

I won’t speak for you, but there’s no better way for someone to prove to me they’re a complete f**king idiot, like when they whip out a knowingly vile symbol of hatred and prejudice, to justify their own highly asinine point of view. Good job, Ricky- you singlehandedly just proved correct, what a lot of your high school teachers initially thought about you.There have been very few times in my life that I have found myself stunned into silence by something I’ve either seen or read, but in the future, this one may actually be in the top five. The first two, involving women I was in love with, and the third being when I met Debbie Harry of Blondie fame, backstage in the year of 1999. In retrospect, that technically makes the first three things about women I was in love with, but this definitely slides right in above those, and just before that unfortunate incident Iin New Orleans involving a table, an oyster bar, and a half-drunk fifth of Fireball.

It should not be necessary for me at any point in time to have to say this, whether it be out loud as I have had to do as of late, or in type, as I’m currently doing now, but the only thing that’s ever been “like the Holocaust”, is, without any doubt, THE ACTUAL F**KING HOLOCAUST itself. Nothing else comes close. Not mask mandates, required job-related vaccinations, social distancing, or even restrictions on how many rolls of TP you can buy at one time.

F**k, when I was in high school back in the late 80’s, only three students were allowed to be in the Circle K across from my high school at any given time during our lunch hour, sans backpacks, no less, and I never started ranting lunacies about tyranny and suffering undesired road trips inside cattle cars, just because they always seemed to run out of Jolt Cola and Kit-Kats just before I got there, but ask someone in this selfish-ass over-privileged country, to be mildly inconvenienced for thirty goddamn seconds, and you’ll instantly find yourself face to face with a reincarnated *Freddie Oversteegen.  

*[Freddie Oversteegen was a member of the Dutch resistance during World War II, and was one of its most dangerous assassins. Together with her sister, she lured, ambushed, and killed German Nazis and their Dutch collaborators- truly, a badass across the board.]

Overall, I’d consider myself a rather peaceful man, despite the causticness of my written words, and hell, I’d even describe myself as mostly gregarious, even at the worst of times, but I will tell you this now… iI I ever find myself trapped in an elevator with the mental defective that scribed this exercise of tone deaf histrionic self-righteous tripe, not only will I give them a piece of my mind, I’m first going to open their skull, if only to see how much of it isn’t filled with theirs. 

Normally, this would be the part where I would add with my tongue planted firmly in cheek, the phrase; “metaphorically of course”, as a modifier of sorts to allude that I was only kidding, but in this case, I’d more than happily subject this delusional moron to the act of being forced to scrutinize the death camp footage shot at wars’ end by noted filmmakers John Ford, Samuel Fuller, and George Stevens, daring them afterwards, to tell me to my face,  that getting the jab is the same f**king thing and in the same league as what they just viewed..

I may not believe in God, lady- but I’d happily convert to Judaism, if it meant I could throat-punch you without any form of repercussion for what you just purported as factual information. And as for Leyba happily posting it as such? Well, I’d make the same offer of signing up to Satan himself, dependent on the condition that he’d let me grill some fine steaks using the fire pit that Leyba will allegedly be doing the back-stroke in for eternity, once he discovers for himself, that God prefers educated atheists, over willfully ignorant Christians.

Once again, I’m just kidding, as I’ve had a key to Satan’s place for years now, and because it is Hell, the daily menu is always going to be based in Veganism. Enjoy your soy cheese, Rickster, and when they ask you exactly where you want the pitchfork placed, just know that I’ll leave them a suggestion as to just where they should stick it. In an attempt to lighten the mood, Walter has presented to us this finely crafted meme, wherein he uses one of the dumbest characters ever in television’s history, to make an even more absurd assertion.

Uncharacteristically, I truly feel that using Homer Simpson to exemplify his point, was a shrewd choice on Walter’s part- after all, not only is Homer the perfect representation of Walter’s allegedly limited intellect, cartoons are probably the only form pf media that doesn’t challenge it in the first place:There may be a few of you at this moment, wondering why my claws are so far out in regards to these particularly dense examples of what transpires when ignorance and hateful hubris mate successfully, and I will inform the crowd as to why this is, in the most elegant way possible: I’M SICK AND TIRED OF LISTENING TO GODDAMN MORONS WHO THINK THAT YOUTUBE IS A CREDIBLE “SOURCE”, AND THAT ESTABLISHED SCIENCE AND IT’S PRACTITIONERS, ARE FRAUDULENT CON-MEN, WORKING FOR THE “DEEP STATE”.

I truly hope that clears things up for you- if it does not, my sincerest apologies. Specific regrets though, are not impending whereas Walter and the words I’ve used to describe him are concerned, for much like Leyba and his erroneous egocentricity in regards to broadcasting blatant propaganda, he gets what he believes wholeheartedly to be factual, dead f**king wrong. As always.Sigh… if Walter’s intellect were a character in a zombie movie, it would definitely be the one that opens the heavily padlocked door spray-painted with the words, “Warning- Dead Inside”, without a second thought. Or a first one, for that matter. The law of averages would suggest that, possibly one day, Walter might actually do some research before he types out his visualization of what the voices in his head scream, but given the empirical evidence I’ve seen thus far, I’d have better luck betting on Rob Schneider winning an Oscar for his on-point portrayal of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

Why do I say this?

Well, it has everything to do with the fact that the infrastructure of government albeit federal, tribal, state, or local, is essentially crucial to the successful protection of the public’s health and general safety. This agency, partially derived from the U.S. Constitution’s 10th Amendment, gives state governments powers not specifically given to the federal government, in order to curtail the spread of infectious diseases within their legal jurisdiction. This in turn, permits them a broad latitude in regards to enacting emergency health measures, ranging from the implementation of quarantine, to the restricting of businesses.

Now, while the federal government’s power is limited to certain circumstances. It does still possess comprehensive authority to execute measures to avert the spread of illnesses, regardless of whether the initial source of infection is from outside, or from within, the United States. In addition, governors can also

order quarantines to isolate and limit the movement of citizens exposed to communicable disease, as well as ordering stay at home directives, granting exclusions only, for essential medical procedures, necessary employment, or the acquiring of food.

They can also set in place, restrictive curfews as well, although the laws allowing the necessitating of such, vary from state to state. The legal authority behind these controversial measures, has been reinforced by several key legal pronouncements, that have been legislated over the course of this country’s storied history. I won’t run through the list entire, as it would make this story-arc longer than a conversation with me regarding what the best Star Wars movie is, but I will address at least one, for the benefit of educating those people, who, unlike Walter, want to actually know what they’re talking about.

The particular legal challenge I’ll be presenting, is just one of the many United States Supreme Court  case studies that I could choose to highlight, ranging from 1824’s Gibbons v. Ogden, to 1902’s Compagnie Francaise & Company vs. the Louisiana State Board of Health, which ironically, I did address in a blogvella of mine some months back. Reality is circular, kids. And don’t you ever forget it.

1905’s Jacobson v. Massachusetts, is what I’ll be talking about, and the ruling that emerged from it, was that the United States Supreme Court upheld the authority of individual states to impose compulsory vaccination laws. The Court’s decision articulated the view that individual liberty is not absolute and is subject to the police power of the state. So zip it, smallpox Karens, because this decision was set in stone long before your brains turned into the same.

Some context: Massachusetts at the time, was one of only 11 states that had compulsory vaccination laws in place, due to an outbreak of smallpox in 1902. Adults who refused to accept the vaccination, were subject to a five-dollar fine, or the purchasing power equivalent of about $158.72, today. Pastor Henning Jacobson, originally from Sweden, allegedly had an unpleasant reaction to a similar vaccine administered during his childhood, and claimed that the experience had mentally scarred him with a “lifelong horror of the practice”. This in turn, led to his staunch refusal to take the current vaccine.

Believing that his family could be endangered by the vaccine due to a hereditary condition within his family, Jacobson found himself prosecuted, and penalized with the aforementioned five-dollar fine. For the next three years, he contended that his being levied a fine, or facing possible incarceration for his actions, was not only an invasion of his liberty, he maintained that the law itself was “unreasonable, arbitrary and oppressive”, and that he, or any other individual, should not be forcefully compelled to follow it.

Supreme Court Justice John Marshall Harlan delivered the 7 to 2 decision, stating that the Massachusetts law did not violate the Fourteenth Amendment, declaring that “in every well-ordered society charged with the duty of conserving the safety of its members the rights of the individual in respect of his liberty may at times, under the pressure of great dangers, be subjected to such restraint, to be enforced by reasonable regulations, as the safety of the general public may demand” noting as well that,; “real liberty for all could not exist under the operation of a principle which recognizes the right of each individual person to use his own liberty, whether in respect of his person or his property, regardless of the injury that may be done to others.”

In closing, the Court did acknowledge however, that the obligation of vaccination for specific individuals in extreme circumstances, could be classified as “cruel and inhuman[e]”, in which case, courts would be permitted to interfere in order to “prevent wrong and oppression”, for those specific persons “in a particular condition of health”, Nevertheless, the statute in question was not, according to the Court, “intended to be applied to such a case” and professed the belief that Jacobson “did not offer to prove that, by reason of his then condition, he was, in fact, not a fit subject of vaccination”

.In essence, for all of you Plague enthusiasts out there, what this ruling says, in relation to your unfounded, uneducated, and hilariously histrionic argument, and that, ever so clearly, is this
And I can only hope, that you undertake your new assignment, with the same enthusiasm that you’ve shown over the last year or so, when it came to embarrassing yourself, your grade school teachers, and as always, your family. I’m fairly confident that if a psychiatrist ever ha the chance to sit Ricky down for a [in my opinion] much-needed therapy session, he’d hold court for quite some time, rationalizing that his paranoiac position isn’t built on junk science as well as inane ideology, it’s based in genuine concern.

Surprisingly, his main concern doesn’t encompass what we’ve seen thus far, which if you remember, involves Deep State conspiracy theory, non-existent election fraud, the threat of “commies”, from 1955, I guess? Hollywood’s alleged moral decay, the insidiousness of “feminine influence”, and most disturbingly, his seemingly ongoing obsession with the genitalia of gay and transgender persons unknown to him.

None of that even comes close, because what he’s truly worried about is the loss of his “freedom”, even if he doesn’t truly know what the actual definition of that word is. In fact, he seems even more confused than I tend to be whenever I read one of his analogies that make no goddamn sense, regardless of what angle you try to look at it from:

So, let me get this straight… refusing to assume the simplest of social responsibilities as a precautional measure to curb the ravages of a highly infectious virus, that by the way, has killed over 650K Americans so far, is JUST THE SAME as eating raw cookie dough. Did I get that right? Oh, good. I was worried that I was in the middle of having a stroke, and no one had been kind enough to inform me.

A few minor points of contention, if I may, you ignorant Influenzer? While it’s been many years since I sat down with a log of Pillsbury Cookie Dough with a Pesto-Bismol chaser afterwards, I’m pretty sure it still doesn’t compare to the procedure of being intubated, as your lungs crystalize. The only people who were ever directly affected by the decision n my mid-20’s to purposefully risk stomach cramps, were my then-girlfriend who needed to cook those cookies into a necessary tray for Sharon’s wedding shower, and my best friend, who was the only person I knew at the time, who would reliably deliver that aforesaid quart of Pepto.

If you just so happen to be one of the estimated fourteen-percent requiring hospitalization, five-percent of you will find themselves in the ICU, and citing the current [at the time of this writing] mortality statistics, at least 3.9% of you who contracted the virus will succumb to the ferocity of its effects. And for all of the smallpox fanciers out there, here’s how it happens- coronavirus enters the body through the nose, mouth or eyes. Once inside the body, it corrupts healthy cells, and then re-tools them to replicate itself. When the cells are filled to capacity, they burst, rapidly setting in motion, the rate of overall infection.

Symptoms can persist for months, and cause severe damage to the lungs such as scarring, along with long-term issues, regarding ti the heart and brain, as well as fatigue, difficulty breathing, pain in the joints, muscles, and chest, struggles with concentration and memory, insomnia, loss of the ability to smell or taste, episodes of depression or anxiety, along with fever, and a sense of dizziness,

But other than those almost negligible differences, including an agonizing death, the similarities to eating a Pillsbury tube served exceedingly rare, is so disturbingly close, they could almost be mistaken for twins.  Sort of the same way I’d naturally assume, that Leyba’s ass and face might tend to be. However, when it comes to that joke, I’m also certain that if I were given enough time to seek out empirical evidence, I’d most certainly find to my personal satisfaction at least, that it’s a very common occurrence.

I earlier referenced Leyba’s speculative terror at losing his “freedom”, but in my role as a writer, I failed, and rather neglectfully at that, to detail exactly what those particular freedoms were. You have no idea how embarrassed I was when I realized this, but then I remember that I’m not even close to the frequency with which Ricky does it, so I’m good in general.

Fortunately, when it came to my uncharacteristic lapse in storytelling, a professional, truly versed in the art of imaginary victimhood stepped up like the badass he never was or will be, to list exactly what was at stake: Don’t get me wrong, I cannot wait to rip this latest piece of fallacious fluff apart in the manner of a drunken David Hasselhoff spying a floor-level cheeseburger, but c’mon Ricky…  could you at least present a challenge, for once?Wow… I knew things in this country were bad, but I never would have surmised that they were this bad. I guess I might have had some idea. if I had only watched FOX ”News” more often. Honestly, I would have been more than happy to be in the loop, but Sean Hannity’s chin gives me nightmares about sentient scrotums slathered in hair gel, and hearing the vehemently vanilla Valkyrie Goebbels -screech that is Tucker Carlson’s voice, just makes me want to sucker punch a box of Pumpkin Spice flavored Moon Pies, and they’ve done absolutely nothing to me.

And although within this meme, which he most certainly did not create, but surely stole as if he were a Trump overseeing a children’s charity, Leyba whines about supposed others being “offended” at what he wants to do, the true offense one might feel at his as always baseless charges, stems not from his chosen activities, but at the reality that no one of any note has ever given a damn about them in the first place.   

Trust me on this, Ricky. There’s plenty of stuff we can use to make fun of you, and quite easily, I might add. So, you really, honestly, most assuredly, don’t have to invent new stuff on our behalf. Some advice, from me to you-, and free of charge, no less. If you still feel the need to fabricate fallacies, may I recommend that you at least take more than thirty seconds to come up with ones that are far more plausible, for Christ’s sake?

Now, if I were to be brutally honest with myself, I’d much rather let this particular sliver of vapid victimhood go, given the level of sheer f**king density that I’ve already waded through, but I simply can’t. , ethics and all that. Not to mention, it’s simply too much fun melting holes in your *Pykrete armada, using your very own [partially] words to do so.
*[Pykrete is a frozen alloy, made of a mix of14% wood pulp to 86% ice, using a weight ratio of six to one. It was at one point, seriously considered as a possible construction material in regards to the British Royal Navy fleet.]

To start us off, let me just state publicly that; “Rudolph” is a terrible movie with a terrible message, that being: Conform or Else. Every time I watch it, I’m genuinely surprised that Santa doesn’t have Hermey killed for wanting to be a dentist, instead of being a nameless cog within a Machina of indentured servitude. But just like “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, which suffers a similar plot curse of characters you just want to throat-punch due to their awfulness, no one of any cultural importance has ever thwarted its annual airing schedule.

To start us off, let me just state publicly that; “Rudolph” is a terrible movie with a terrible message, that being: Conform or Else. Every time I watch it, I’m genuinely surprised that Santa doesn’t have Hermey killed for wanting to be a dentist, instead of being a nameless cog within a Machina of indentured servitude. But just like “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, which suffers a similar plot curse of characters you just want to throat-punch due to their awfulness, no one of any cultural importance has ever thwarted its annual airing schedule.

If you did your so-called research in the same way that you’re obsessing over 57-year-old cartoons, not only would I have nothing to write about, I’d probably have to apologize, as well. This brings us to your second alleged “point”, regarding the singing of two American winter-themed classics. It’s fairly obvious that you’ve missed the reason as to why people complain about these two ditties, and I have serious reservations that you even know what the lyrics are to begin with. But take all the time you need to mewl your faux offense.

Moving forward, your use of the phrases “bring home the bacon”, and “kill two birds with one stone”, has never offended anyone, nor has any singular person expressed such an asinine assumption to you, either. Too bad. We all have our delusions, far be it for me to take away yours. I am however, terribly sorry that you’ve “had it with all this political correctness”, which by the way, is the most genteel way for society at large to inform you, that being an ignorant jackass is no longer considered tolerable.

Use your disingenuousness to mold a few more bricks for the wall going up around you, that’s what. Now, some of you may have noticed that Walter has seemingly taken a leave of absence from my overview, but nothing could be further from the truth. It’s just that at the moment, he literally has nothing to add to the topic at hand, and is therefore, currently sitting on the sidelines, as it were. But don’t you fret, as Wally, along with Ricky, (naturally) will be back on the menu when the third installment of this serialized screed is presented for your enjoyment.

And yes, there will be a third detailed narrative, as there’s still so much more to mock concerning these two. What can I say? Mythical God provides, and when he does, the Son comes bearing Asian strippers wearing thigh boots, let me tell you. As much as I’d like to wax rhapsodic about what’s to come, I need to finish what’s in front of me, and that just so happens to be, an overflowing bowl of clueless self-ownership, with which, we will conclude this section of the soon-to-be-continued story-arc.
Never let it be said that Leyba doesn’t have convictions. Granted, most of them seem to be based in ignorant paranoia, a sense of warped religious zealotry, and a fear of anything that actually involves elevating the betterment of humanity in general, but I digress. Ironically, Ricky shares the same fear revealed by Walter earlier, regarding the sanctity of one’s body autonomy, while simultaneously demanding, that women surrender theirs willingly.

So, Ricky’s cool with that option, but don’t you dare suggest that he offer up his inanity to protect or possibly, even save others. Weird how that works, huh? Friendly reminder, Ricky: you don’t get a say in legislating abortion rights, until you can bring a uterus of your very own to the table. And preferably, not one that you found within the confines of an overfilled crawlspace.

Nonetheless, abortion isn’t the only topic cares about, he’s also pretty interested in politics too, unless of course it once again, highlights his insincerity. In regards to a certain topic. For instance, take note of how he feels about presidential authority to issue Executive Orders, which despite his never having mentioning it before, has obviously been eating at him for some time now:

For the laymen among us, an executive order is a method utilized by a sitting US president to issue federal directives. The legal basis for doing so, stems from Article Two of the United States Constitution as Leyba accurately described, as well as expressed or implied Acts of Congress, that delegate to the president, a measured degree of discretionary power. In simpler terms, this grants the president broad executive latitude to govern enforcement of the law, or how to best utilize the resources of the executive branch.

However, executive orders can be put under judicial review, and if said orders are found to be be wanting by either law or Constitutional veracity, they can be reversed. Presidential executive orders, once issued, endure until they are either annulled, rescinded, arbitrated as illegitimate, or are allowed to expire. Interestingly, the sitting president may cancel, amend or decree exclusions in regards to any executive order, notwithstanding under which president it was issued, past or present.

For some reason, Leyba’s really concerned about the fifty-seven that Joe Biden has issued thus far, concerning raising the minimum wage of federal contract workers to $15 an hour, starting in early 2022, to directing the Department of Housing and Urban Development to review the Trump administration’s regulatory actions for their effects on fair housing and to then, “take steps necessary” to comply with the Fair Housing Act, but yet sees nothing wrong with the 220 that Trump decreed, during his disastrous, and thankfully, one-term presidency.

Maybe it’s because many of the ones that Trump signed went out of their way to hurt the innocent and the powerless? Nah, it couldn’t be that simple, could it? After all, just because Leyba still slavishly supports a man once described as a ‘Successful sociopath’ and predator who ‘lacks a conscience and empathy”, by Lance M. Dodes, MD, a former assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, is no reason to assume that Leyba shares the same defective quirks of character, now is it?

Of course not. Leyba himself, is obviously not a sociopath. He just so happens to be an ardent fan of one, that’s all, and I’m sure that there’s absolutely nothing worrying to take away from that. But Leyba’s hypocrisy isn’t content to just screw with women’s body autonomy, or the political process itself, no siree Bob. He’s also quite troubled by the illegal drug trade too, which even I will admit, is a valid concern, especially when it comes to the devastating effect they’ve had on communities, albeit one that’s White or of mixed race.

In fact, here’s a meme about the subject that he “borrowed”, because thinking for yourself is hard:
For those of you who bothered to read this all the way through, it actually does raise some good points, the key word there being “some”. Because when it comes to the rest where the true author of this DARE ad run amuck, manages to conflate politics, the issue of bail, drugged drivers, and human trafficking, all I can say is this- if Leyba;s ever had an original idea accidentally wander into his head, it would marvel at all the free space it would have all to itself.

The main impression that one naturally, would take away from this posting, is that Leyba, like most modern-day conservatives, is strongly anti-drug, pro-law enforcement, and obviously, really into punitive overkill for drug dealers,  as well as their addicted victims, which when given pause, underpins that whole Christian hypocrisy standard, but that’s a discussion for another time. So, if Leyba truly believes that “legalizing drugs will cause more crime”, as this meme erroneously states, then why would he go on to publicly declare this contradictory reversal of opinion?Speaking fir myself, I have no idea why he did, but I’m starting to =think that there’s a Tupperware full of brownies in his fridge that are marked “special”, and I’ll leave it at that. Despite Marijuana being legalized in no less than 18 states, it’s still considered a controlled substance in the remainder, and therefore “illegal”, depending on what state you find yourself in, an observation, which when applied to your mental one on any given day, should probably be noted as “confused”, at best.

The logical assumption here is that Ricky doesn’t understand the thorny issue of cannabis legalization, and you’d most likely be correct, but there’s more to it than that, and as usual, the crux of it all stems from the Right managing to take a non-related concern and meld it with whatever QAN told them to be furiously offended about this week. See, for the last few months now, conservatives have been decrying the fact that the COVID vaccine wasn’t “FDA approved”, as a means to justify their steadfast refusal to take it. But now that it is…

All of a sudden, the FDA has no credibility whatsoever, despite their employing actual virologists to explain why they should, and the Right using Kevin Sorbo [TV’s Hercules] and YouTube videos to defend their ludicrous position as to why they shouldn’t. But then again, I could be wrong about this take of mine, all things being possible, and maybe the answer is that Ricky wasn’t confused at all when he posted this inconsistent thought, maybe he was just really baked, and hit the wrong “send’ button when he was trying to do nothing more than order some after-munchies from DoorDash.

Speaking of dashing to doors, we come to the last one Ill be kicking open this time around. And you, my lucky Blogiteers, get tp come through it with me, as I reveal what Ricky regards as the most formidable of weapons inside a Typhoid Trumpers’ toolbox, and no, it isn’t a well-measured debate, as some of you may have already deduced. Nope, the scariest armament that can be dispersed among the tin-foil-hatted brigade of Corona Kyles and Karens, is the ever so worrisome mention, inference, whisper, rumor or suggested threat of being possibly… you guessed it, BOYCOTTED.

Spurned. Embargoed. Shunned. Rebuffed. Informed that your presence is no longer required or desired. Being given the cold shoulder. Watching potential customers walk by, rather than walk in, based on a very public difference of ideology or ethics. And it can ruin a business, let me tell you. That is, unless of course, the people who are allegedly “boycotting” you, are ones that have never shopped there to begin with, like our whiny wannabe economic warrior here.

Confident in my belief that Leyba is one of this irrelevant if not financially impotent ilk, his soon-to-be-shown as pathetic attempts at intimidating policies he disagrees with out of existence, not only fall flatter than a Kansas pancake, they also possess the tensile strength of Charlie Sheen’s promises to lay off the porn-star girlfriends and Peruvian marching powder. You need to see the goods, apparently. I can tell. I’m sharp like that.

So, let’s all enjoy his QAnon-tipped lancet of justice, and revel in the fact that like almost all of the boycotts these mewling morons have launched, it’ll be about as effective at taking root, in the same exact way that their grade-school education did.  
Considering that this brave ideological stand pf yours Ricky, means that your dumber than f**k, entirely selfish, and completely un-vaccinated ass, won’t be standing next to our far smarter ones, this really isn’t the menace that you believe it represents, or intend it to be. Just thought you should know, as it looks like you’re about to have a lot of free time to ponder exactly what happened to your already limited, social engagement schedule. Nevertheless, Leyba changes course yet again, and posts this… I guess you’d call it a retraction? A symptom of undiagnosed Bi-polar disorder, or an aneurysm, perhaps?As a group exercise, let’s all try to follow the Chutes and Ladders level logic of a man so transparently misinformed, that even the Greys who abduct humans named Billy Hoe Bob as a form of intergalactic cow tipping, would take a pass at anally probing him, out of the valid fear they might damage his brain.

To clarify, Leyba won’t offer his patronage to any business that demands proof of vaccination for its customers of employees, practices masking protocols, or advocates for social distancing, but he’s also a big proponent of supporting those commercial entities that have been put most at risk, due to the economic fallout of the COVID pandemic. Yeah… that’s not a convoluted thought process at work, now is it? Dude, I get it. You want to platy both odds against the middle, but JFC, everybody in your life, whether an intimate contact, or one that’s peripheral, already knows you’re a half-assed hypocrite, so relax.

In closing out this this rapidly accruing archive of arrogant a**holery, I present out last entry for now anyway, and it hits all the low spots we’ve come to expect from our resident example of why the need to invent an unbreakable condom, should become a national scientific priority. Along with a cure for willful ignorance, flavored to taste like Trump’s boots, so that Cult 45 members like Leyba, will swallow it without question. Come to think of it, maybe we should try that with the vaccine first, and move out from there.

It couldn’t hurt, unlike this last nugget of lunacy, straight out of the fingers of a nattering nincompoop.Many moons ago, when I had found myself engaged to be married to the entirely wrong person, I heard them say what was up until now, the dumbest thing that I had ever heard come out of somebody’s mouth: “This is just like that time we went to Sara’s party, and I wore that blue dress.”, To which, my then best friend who was in the room with me, uttered, and with a healthy dose of directed side eye, no less; “I’ve been married almost ten years, and I have no f**king idea what in the hell your girlfriend is talking about.”

Thanks to yet another one of Leyba’s appropriated memes, I may now have to go and track her down, to apologize for implying that she was an idiot, And that’s even with her history of adultery, mind you. That’s how goddamn stupid this is by comparison. In respect to what my ex was apparently trying to say, the only answer I received was; “Well, if you don’t know, then I’m not going to tell you”. Which, to be fair, was far less maddening then trying to make sense of this exercise in full-blown psychosis.

Speaking honestly, I’m not even sure how Ricky even managed to find this mélange of a meme, but I’m kind of glad he did, because I, for one, would love to frequent a restaurant owned by Demons, for not only would the food and decor be amazing, being sinfully decadent and all that, but can you imagine the bands that would be booked to play there on the weekends?

Early 70’s era Black Sabbath with Ozzy. 1984 era Iron Maiden. 1977 era KISS.1983 era Motley Crue, the any era is cool, reincarnated corpse of Ronnie James Dio, and last, but certainly not least, current era Nickelback, because the only way those guys have ever managed to maintain a career, must be due to the direct influence of Satan himself. Restaurant ownership that caters to the demonic demographic… what franchise marketing will those clever bastards at Starbucks come up with next?

Oops… I may have read that wrong.

It seems that our poster child for paranoia, Ricky here, may have been referring to the small business owners he claims to support unequivocally as “demons”, because of their professional adherence to following established health protocols aimed at keeping their employees and customers alike, safe during the pandemic. Sorry, in relation to keeping my latest blogvella subject emotionally invested, I should have used the descriptive of either “Scamdemic”, or “Plandemic”, lust in case Ricky is having an actual adult read this back to him, as I do like to keep my audience riveted.

Riveted or not, however, Leyba’s dire warning that he’ll do his own cooking as a manly opening gambit to test his curiosity of  “which one of us will survive”, is without question, one of the most flaccid coercions he’s uttered thus far, especially when you realize that his current diet consists mostly of Swanson Lonely-Man microwave entrees, and the salt they contain alone, will put him out of commission long before the lack of effect from his impotent boycott will, in regards to any of the bistros he’s targeted with his wussy wrath.

Once again Ricky, in order to “boycott” a business or any product for that matter, you have to be either a regular patron or purchaser of it first, for your actions to have any relevance in the end. Seriously. Didn’t they teach you that during your online “middle age rage” workshop? Normally, I’d suggest you ask for your money back, but we all know your check bounced to begin with. I’m kidding, I’m kidding… nobody would waste their time and precious energy trying to educate a rice cake, so why would they deem you to be the rare exception to that rule?

The reality of your derisory posturing, is that if there’s a specific café that you’ve been frequenting and have now stopped doing so, because it’s owners and denizens don’t want their fellow Americans to die, odds are pretty good that across the board, your presence is probably not missed al all, and your insipid whining about your non-applicable rights, sure as heck isn’t, either.

So please, Ricky… threaten the business community at large, by buying groceries from one of the numerous marketplaces in a town where EVERYBODY is following the health mandates, and by depriving us of your odiously abrasive presence out among the general public- that’ll definitely show us who’s really the boss of who here. The answer to that question, is fairly obvious to those of us who, unlike you, have actually been paying attention since this all started. We are.

Nonetheless though, you really shouldn’t worry, as we still have a place at the kid;s table for you, and the best part of your new position, is that it’s all due to the hard work and long hours you’ve spent engaged in establishing yourself as an icon of mockery for the future. Let us know, when you can, what it feels like to be the soon to be fired employee who, quite literally… did it to himself.

Unless of course, your breathing is being done by a tube at that point, in which case, we’ll just assume you’ve gotten everything you ever wanted. No vaccine being pumped into your veins, still able to boycott as effectively as you were doing before. And let’s not forget, a once in a lifetime chance to test out that whole working theory of “which one of us will survive”, that you’ve been espousing.

Good luck with all of that. I’m sure it will work out for the best, just like the rest of your philosophy has.

There. Done for now. And when we come back, I take a detour from Part 3 to jot down a few new thoughts about a truly lost lamb in my small community, its allegedly morally ambiguous shepherd, and how the Word of the all-mythical God is not only intentionally misinterpreted by its staunchest advocates, but also why they are compelled to do so, in the first place. And I’m sure that their finding the one true God out of the 2000+currently available, whose personal bias aligns perfectly with their own, was nothing more than a fortuitous happenstance.

Mysterious ways, and all that.

“The modern conservative is engaged in one of man’s oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.” – John Kenneth Galbraith














Leyba of Love, PT. 1 (Walter for Elephants)

“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.”
– Wayne Dyer

Greetings Bitchiteers!

Man, it has been one stressful stretch in my life, as of late. Me and my Gt are in the process of buying the house we’ve been renting for close to three years, I’ve just been through yet another round of some rather intensive medical testing, and to top it all off, recently found myself being forced to finally excise two former long-term friends permanently out of my life, in a move that is perhaps, the healthiest option open to me, if I want to maintain the value I’ve ascribed to my sense of self-respect.

While it’s difficult enough to harbor unpleasant assumptions that you hope against hope are no more than your imagination being overactive, it’s no less than an icepick to the heart when it’s proven to you beyond reproach that your initial premise may have been a tad bit underestimated, given the aspect that in regards to such, the subjects of your soul-crushing decree had seemingly left them unaffected. 

Granted, this overdue inference of mine had been coming down the allegorical pike for quite some time, but to claim or otherwise believe that it was, or has been, an easy verdict to issue, would not only be highly specious at best, it would wholly discredit the valid reasons behind my impetus to do so, at worst.

But c’est la vie and all that, for what is done is done, and will remain so until the stars burn out. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me one-hundred-and-seventy-three times, well… it’s still on you, but I’m the one walking around with the shattered contents of an egg farm all over my face because of it. Live and learn, laugh and love, and next time, honestly judge the situation at hand by listening to your gut, and not the emotional bitch listening to The Cure in a darkened corner of your psyche, which is currently crying its heart out over a half-eaten pint of Hagen-Daz.

Speaking of crying, does the modern-day conservative movement ever take a break from doing so? I mean… for people who’ve spent the last five years calling everyone who correctly called them out for their abominable ignorance “snowflakes”, they’ve consistently shown that their collective skin is stretched thinner than Jocelyn Wildenstein’s.

And this boys and girls, is a direct result of what transpires when you allow your paste-eating child to binge-watch 1987’s “Beauty & the Beast “ TV series in its entirety, over the course of a weekend. But this monstrosity of dimwitted diminutiveness?

This is what arises when your political and humanistic philosophies are drawn from not only bumper stickers and the conspiracy theories displayed upon them, but in addition, dutifully accept the delusional rants of a sociopathic Oompa-Loompa, into your blackened heart and intellectually desiccated brain, as the highest of Gospel.

Concerning such, let us consider our now deposed and thrice-married Fanta Fascist, who, when not raw-dogging porn-stars, offered sage gems of insight such as this one, in regards to the then hot-button topic of gay marriage: “It’s like in golf… A lot of people – I don’t want this to sound trivial – but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive… it’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”

Sure you are, Donny. That’s why you keep trading in your mail-order brides for younger and younger floor models. At this rate, you’ll be hanging outside pre-schools, looking for dates. But on the upside, you can split the Uber there with Matt Gaetz, so that’s a plus. 

Honestly, I wasn’t aware that abominable lapses of moral character such as adultery, disingenuousness, fraud, and treasonous cowardice were ‘traditions” to be respected, but it is a new age, after all, and it’s so hard given the advanced state of his, for him to keep up with what’s hip these days. But if I were to give him credit for anything, maybe it should be for his sense of originality: “The line of ‘Make America great again,’ the phrase, that was mine, I came up with it about a year ago, and I kept using it, and everybody’s using it, they are all loving it. I don’t know, I guess I should copyright it, maybe I have copyrighted it.”

Never mind that this phrase was one of Ronald Reagan’s better-known if not over-exhausted campaign slogans, because being ever the visionary, Donny Dementia here, made it truly his own, and then ran with it, as if he were fleeing from yet another one of his failed marriages or business ventures. But I repeat myself.  And lest we forget, he also claimed sole authorship of the phrase “priming the pump” in an interview with The Economist in May of 2017, despite its actual insertion (as an economic reference) into the American lexicon via a 1933 Wall Street Journal article.

To quote the copying cad; “We have to prime the pump,” (In relation to stimulating the US economy) “Have you heard that expression used before? Because I haven’t heard it. I mean, I just … I came up with it a couple of days ago and I thought it was good. It’s what you have to do.”

Now, if I were truly a sadist, I could go on for days and maybe even months, listing every stupid-as-f**k thing that Donald Trump has ever uttered out of that sewer he calls a mouth, aided by that pustulant worm he calls a tongue, but I will forgo doing so, if only for the fact that my Marquis de Sade costume is still at the cleaners, and due to my love of Sour Cream & Onion Pringles, I can no longer fit into my Vlad Tepes one.

However, I can still have some never-ending fun with his base of insolent, ill-informed, and ideologically impotent modern-day Confederates, even if I have to forgo laughing in their pinched hog-like faces in favor of doing so from behind the relative security of an IBM Thinkpad, sitting serenely in my Star Wars Underoos, drinking a steaming-hot cup of Earl Grey. And yes, you will need a cadre of some seriously armored mind-worms to get that image out of your head, and trust me… it’s gonna be way harder than you think.

Seriously. I’m not kidding. I once wrote a piece about posing nude for a fellow artist several years ago, and I’m STILL getting hate mail about it. along with the occasional marriage proposal from guys typically named Scott or Brad. However, I’ll digress for now, if only to progress the narrative, as well as quelling the incessant paranoia that if I was ever to find myself sentenced to prison, I’d get passed around like a premium carton of black-market cigarettes.

This opinion of course, is solely based on the accompanying selfies and requests I usually get with said proposals, and if they are to be trusted, my dance card is gonna be booked solid.

Speaking of a full schedule entertaining the shallow end of the gene pool, I find myself yet again, standing on its fetid banks, observing the newest batch of its delusional denizens, struggling to make both landfall and a political impact before their de facto leader turns back into his true form, that being a barely sentient pumpkin allegedly dipped in Russian hooker urine, and warmly swaddled within a Chinese-made American flag.

A flag that represents a country whose diversity they despise, values that they betray, and humanist ideals that collectively, they refuse to rise to the challenge of. I’ve often said it before, and I’m sure I will be forced to say it again, but we, as a nation entire, should be supremely grateful that those people currently demanding the equality they have always deserved without question, are willing to settle for just that, versus enacting justifiable revenge for their societal disbarment from it.
Color me curious, but why is it that the majority of those who so stridently self-identify as poster-children for the cleanest distillation of American ideals, seemingly have no concept of what those actually are? If I were to ever condescend to have an in-depth conversation with these red-hatted twunts, I’m fairly certain that I’d have to break out hand-puppets for them to understand that this, the land that they’re supposed to represent, isn’t supposed to come with segregated water fountains or bathroom based bigotry as an add-on.

And while most would claim that their POV, erroneous as it is, stems strictly from the all-too-real intrinsic of White Privilege alone, I’d also argue that there’s a fair dose of not only rancid Humanity and unfounded hubris comprising the moronic melange cake mix that they mainline as if it were Heroin, but an equal addition of ignorant fear yeast as well. After whipping up an egg-white base of the purest of Caucasian conspiracy theories to create your base, inject what was once its stable center with some blatant racism, generously apply an Oompa-Loompa colored icing, garnish with equal parts of misogyny, homophobia, graft, treason, narcissism and linguistic incompetence… and voila!

You’ve now created a confection so unpalatable it needs to pay sugar to lay on top of it, pretends far superior treats are its closest friends, and requires mass display in order to forget that no serious cooking show would ever want to recreate it. However, if one devotedly follows the recipe obviously cribbed from the liner notes of the sequel to Mein Kampf, known as Mein Küche, the end result should look like this:

On the upside, if he’s occupied by dry-humping this Flag, then he can’t be sexually assaulting the women around him, so I guess when you look at it, the hefty dry-cleaning bill to safely sterilize that very same flag could almost be regarded a charitable contribution to the community at large. One in theory, that could be declared a legitimate tax deduction, come April 15th.

But even though the intellectual curiosity of what happens when you cross-breed a 55-gallon drum of dime-store-bronzer with a boiled ham wearing a toupee has been fully sated, there are still questions that remain, a trail of human devastation to survey, and some serious lessons to take to heart. One of the most prevalent is that despite the election that deposed our homegrown Fanta Fascist, this nation is still infested with the collective Republican Renfield he fomented and then, later on, weaponized.

Should anyone not have seen this coming” After all he did publicly say the following: “See, the first group, I was nice. ‘Oh, take your time.’ The second group, I was pretty nice. The third group, I’ll be a little more violent. And the fourth group, I’ll say get the hell out of here!”  This vitriol, directed at anyone who would dare to not show the Mango Mussolini the respect that he so richly did not deserve, has been listed as a factor in several assaults by Trumps slack-brained fan base.

Case in point: “Maybe he should have been roughed up, because it was absolutely disgusting what he was doing. I have a lot of fans, and they were not happy about it. And this was a very obnoxious guy who was a troublemaker who was looking to make trouble.” And who could ever forget this gem? “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.”

And his fateful words on January 6th, which will go down as one of the darkest days in the history of this country: “You will never take back our country with weakness.” This, tucked away in the rotting flesh of a spoiled child’s rant full of falsehoods and self-aggrandization poorly disguised as a speech

Yep. I for one, given his track record of calm and thoughtful introspection, am shocked that his followers committed an act of sedition, by storming the Capitol, defecating on its floors and walls, calling for the death of not only key senators within, but then-VP Pence as well, murdered one cop, injured over 130 others, and lost several of their own, as their president, who was gleefully watching the carnage he caused on TV, continues to deny both responsibility for his incitement, and the lack of action in regards to protecting our democracy, and its selfless stewards who were willing to protect it with their lives.


This cabal of openly treasonous bootlickers, respect law enforcement very much in the same way they respect marital fidelity, directly stated sexual consent, the Bible, Democracy, and their Oath of Office, which to be fair, is not worth half as much as the federally-backed paper they’re given by lobbyists to sell it short.

There’s an apt passage contained within the holiest of books the GQP thumps, but has never read, and it’s just chock-full of proclamations and teaching moments, as dictated by a Prophet and his overbearing Father, who for whatever reason, thought we all needed a celestial monkey on our backs for eternity.

And whereas these so-called Christians interchangeably name drop these two as if by doing so, they’ll be able to acquire those full-access VIP wristbands at the AVN, they seemingly are completely unfamiliar with the finer details of their collective work. One such passage that highlights this inward disconnect, is Matthew 6:24 (KJV) which notes that; “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.””

An edict that modern-day Conservatives obviously misinterpreted as “You can serve God, but only as long as he’ shares the physical attractiveness, intellect, and color reminiscent of a jar of spoiled marmalade.”
Damn. Even I have to admit, they nailed that description dead flat.

And may I also offer the sincerest of apologies to the Oompa-Loompa community for my repeated insistence on using them as a visual punchline to what is at best, a lazy joke. But if it’s any consolation, there’s always the possibility that they in retaliation, could feed him to a few random packs of Whangdoodles, Hornswogglers or Snozzwangers, which of course, would allow them to add one more song to their already amazing repertoire of musical improvisation.

Take a minute and think what these choral cats could do with all the source material he’s already provided. By the time they were done castrating him musically, he would be begging, begging I tell you, to trade places with Veruca Salt, and he and his dad had a far worse relationship than those two ever did.

“Oompa Loompa, doompadee doo, I’ve got an American pariah for you.
Oompa Loompa, doompadah dee, It was all lies, as we so obviously see.

Who do you blame when your Prez is a prat? Ranting and raving like a meth-addicted twat?
Shaming his words is a truly fun game, but we know exactly who’s to blame…

His mother-f**king Father!

Oompa Loompa, doompadee dah, If you’re a Fascist, we’ll hang you from a bar.
America will be disgusted by you forever, my boo, just like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do!”

As regular readers of my screeds already know, I’ve previously written at length (naturally) about our now exiled Fanta-tinted Twittler-tot, and his fact-challenged fan base, paying particular regard to the very real threat that they still pose to America’s societal center. I’ve attempted to do so, with both a wry sense of cynical sarcasm, and a healthy portion of valid statistical evidence, in order to make the miasma of the disagreeable realities that I need to highlight, far more palatable for one to intellectually digest.

You know… like you have to do, when writing about individuals who collectively, possess the academic and emotional maturity of a drunken urinal cake?

It’s one thing to say “Not my President”, as most of America and its allies did with Herr Chump, but it’s one hell of a leap down the rabbit hole to still be saying “He’s not the President”, months after election results have been settled and then reanimated, as if a horde of necrophiliacs were cruising the morgues, looking for a cold date. The demographic of dunces that still insist that the 2020 election was “stolen”, despite the fact that not one shred of credible evidence exists to prove that this is so, are also, let’s face it- the type of people who most likely, require an instruction label on toilet paper.

That’s why these morons were buying so much of it. After all, practice makes perfect, especially when you consider that their extra-wide asses at this point, must be insanely jealous of all the s**t that so freely spews out of their never-closed mouths. Not to mention, you just have to love their devotion to flying the “Trump 2020” campaign flag, and continuing to openly sport “Trump 2020” campaign t-shirts that hide their yellow bellies, as well as the red ballcaps that keep their empty craniums warm. It’s truly adorable.

No matter how you slice it, wearing the months-old overpriced merchandise of your failed candidate doesn’t mark you as pathetic at all, no-siree-bob. If anything, it makes you a maverick. A rebel. A true patriot. A “real” American. A lone wolf who, despite being among an even larger group of other alleged lone wolves, stands apart, due to their rugged individuality. You definitely never see Democrats doing that, now do you?

Nope. Those Socialist-Communist-Libtard-Babykillers, actually put their stuff away after the election was over, if you can believe such a thing. And you just know deep in your heart, that their assemblage of said political paraphernalia, was stored in a cruelty and volatile plastics free box, made from at least 80% recycled materials, and sealed with organic duct-tape.

Those un-American bastards. Not like the GQP, the last true bastion of immortalized partisan heroes.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many t-shirts, political buttons, and hats I see in an average week, either picturing or referencing, Republican icons such as Nixon, the Bushes, both Senior. and Junior, and the Great Communicator himself, Ronald Reagan. Granted, most of the text on these items either states that they’re war criminals or crooks, and usually in addition, suggest that these fine men of reputation should undertake a singular act of sexually pleasuring themselves without the benefit or aid of a companion, but we all know this sentiment comes from a place of love and respect.
But when it comes to the Left, you never see a Clinton or Obama anything anymore. Nor do you ever hear of them holding indoor rallies during a pandemic either, like our former Cheeto-In-Chief continues to do. It’s almost as if they recall that they were public servants, and not a pompous Valencia-tinted figurehead, desperately seeking their next fix from a cravenly cult of personality.

Decidedly, it’s transparently obvious that our resident xenophobic sweet potato only continues to do this due to his being unable to sustain a healthy election, which has limited his marketability to future mistresses that he’ll later marry, and then proceed to cheat on. Besides, since it’s well known that every woman he’s ever been with sexually always finishes herself off in the bathroom afterwards, there’s no need to dwell on the socially prurient. Nonetheless, I’ll deviate for now, just so I can move the story along.

Referencing such, I’ll be introducing you to a duo of political chew-toys that this here Artbitch has recently acquired from within his local community, and in the process of doing so, give an update of sorts regarding what’s been going on with some of the ones I’ve written previously about. If you’ve been following my literary musings the last few months, you’ll recall a few of them, I’m sure.

First to appear on my dance card of New Mexican cerebral mediocrity, was one Ruth Darlene Seawolf, a self-avowed Christian, and definite future candidate for an unwanted mental health intervention, by her formerly closest family members. Subtle hint: when your own sister tells you that you’re in a “cult”, and your response is to (in your own words) “rebuke her”, odds are good that you’re in a cult, and a f**ked-up one at that.

The lone exception being that you’ve traded in the standard robe and tambourine for an “All Lives Matter” window decal, a “Trump 2020” yard sign that you’re still proudly displaying, and a list of enemies, both real and imagined, that you’re supposed to obsess over, as you post psychotic drivel like this on Facebook:

Yep… nothing too unsettling about this at all, is there? References to Trump as a Christ analog, betrayed by a personal Judas, prophecies straight from the “Mouth with more than one tongue”, which I can only assume is some form of Cthulhu that sidelines as an adult film actor, and the bullshi**ing “prophet” who promotes such, and closing off with a passive-aggressive warning that “all” (whatever that is) will be exposed to the world, as if All was Louie CK’s method for auditioning a new secretary.

Nothing to see here, folks. Especially the rational. This zucchini of zealotry reads less as a statement of political ideology, and more like the preamble to a list of demands from a group of radical Islamists in an 80’s action movie. Come to think of it, I did ask my readers in the earlier piece I had written wrote about her to; “just take a moment and appreciate the fact that she might possibly have the most badass surname? I mean… “Seawolf”? That’s the name of a Bond supervillain, and it absolutely rocks. Granted, she might not have the standard hollow volcano lair or the army of jump-suited minions, but you know she’s seriously working on it.”

An opinion I still stand behind. And may I add, twice as comfortably as I did before.

For quite some time now, Seawolf has allegedly been the target of a siege of scorn, and has recently, been placed under the corporate microscope of her employer, for not as she sees it, her online postings advocating social takes that are at the best of times, ludicrous, uninformed, or based in psychotic paranoia, but because, as she likes to claim to anyone who will listen, and brays even harder to those who don’t; “I am a Christian who stands for what I believe”, an assertion so far from the Truth that even her mango man-crush is impressed by her commitment to it.

Yes Ruth… it’s all because you’re a Christian. It has nothing to do with your alleged past history of being a virulent anti-masker, an intolerant hypocrite, or even your belief that Democrats are involved with, and in your words once again, the overseers of; “Satanic Worship” Sacrifice! Blood Sacrifice! Pedophilia! HURTING CHILDREN!”

Somewhere sitting on a cloud, right now, the mythical God just has to be thinking to himself;

For those of you whom have been truly blessed to never having been cursed with the contradictory hypocrisy that is modern-day religion, Exodus 20:16 (KJV) simply states: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour”, something that Seawolf does almost as consistently as she brags about being submissive to her imaginary friend.

Shockingly after a while, the assorted neighbors as it were, tend to get sick of that disingenuousness, and start speaking up, which for a normal person, would and should, inspire them to engage in a moment of personal introspection, but I guess that Ruth has been too busy dealing cards from the bottom of the “I’m the real victim here” deck to bother. Amusingly, I could easily go on for more than a few paragraphs in regards to this morass of canonized Christian cray-cray, but time is short, and there’s still so much to get to, so I’ll save that chapter for my next literary walk through the Trumptonian universe.

Pinky swear.

Following this absurdity, I topped it via the personage of one Ken Cykala, a man so full of unfounded White Pride, that if Nabisco ever opened a baked bigotry division using his personality as a template, their signature cookie would look like this:
At this point, I’ve written about Barbie’s favorite Aryan analog accessory no less than three times now, highlighting his penchant for posting false or misleading crime statistics, White paranoia, and of course, his bloated bias, wrapped in the most rancid of xenophobic conspiracies. Quite honestly, he’s a Caucasian cornucopia, that keeps dispensing gems of culturally sensitive wisdom such as this;And don’t you for a second, think that Ken doesn’t have a range when it comes to his POV- as a middle-aged White man, he’s obviously more than qualified by Nature alone, to tell the black community at large how they should feel via a meme, right after he posts another one that says “USA is not systematically racist”, despite all evidence to the contrary. By way of example, let’s view one of his abominable comments, concerning just what the African-Americans in this country should do:

Yeah… I for one, can’t imagine why all those uppity Negroes aren’t more appreciative that “we” saved them from a lifestyle that we propagated for close to 200 years. What nerve.

Just because “we” then made sure that they weren’t given the right to vote, or allowed to attend certain public schools and colleges, denied Black WW2 veterans access to the benefits of the GI Bill, as well the right to eat, live, and work where they wanted, and mandated that interracial marriages were illegal, as “we” to this day, refuse to grant them their constitutionally-protected educational, economic, and judicial justice equality, is no reason for them to be so rude about it, am I right?

In case any of you have forgotten just what Blacks should be “grateful” for, here’s a handy reference chart:

Remember though kids, according to our resident Mayor of Mayoville here, that the USA is not racist, and Black people should stop demanding those rights and privileges which “we” take for granted. And just in case Ken’s selective memory ever tries to claim that he doesn’t have a bigoted bone in his body, here’s a meme where he displays his fear of a culturally evolving society, using quite possibly, the most bigoted character ever to appear on American TV::Nothing to unpack here, I’m sure. For instance, whenever I reference how well I get along with my GF, I always like to post a photograph of Oscar Pistorius, to underscore my assertions, which of course, makes about as much sense as the majority of Ken’s opinions. However, despite possessing a worldview best abandoned in 1964 Mississippi, Ken actually does have friends. Sure, they may be as allegedly mentally vacuous as he is, but at least he’ll always have someone to talk to at a Tiki-Torch get-together.

And isn’t that what true friendship is all about? Having someone in your corner to lend a hand when you need help, to give emotional support when you’re down, and to lend a spare white robe when yours is still inexplicably stuck at the dry-cleaners. But enough about Ken’s casual Friday outfits, let’s talk about his brothers -in-smarm.

In my last screed, I acquainted you all with one of Ken’s fellow never-read-a book club members, who goes by the name of Richard “Ricardo” Leyba, and proceeded to share one of his blatantly uninformed opinions, most of which, consist of conspiratorial inanity like this:
While this level of paranoid delusion is indeed, truly impressive, Ken’s other buddy, a curmudgeonly demagogue by the name of Walter L. Cook Sr, goes one better, and raises the simpleton stakes by throwing down this bit of lunacy onto the political poker table:
I have to admit. I am thoroughly impressed. To have the ability to tie together the JFK assassination, the horrors of 9-11, and COVID-19 as all part of a Deep State agenda secreted within the very same government that failed at the War on Poverty, Terror, Education, Drugs, and if you listen to FOX News, Christmas, is a feat of mental gymnastics that would make even Alex Jones jealous.

Seriously. He’s probably sitting in his underwear at home right now, watching a program concerning the Freemasons on the Hitler Channel, and seething palpably into his bowl of Pizza Rolls as I type this. Let’s face it, when you’re getting telegrams from the late Sergei Nilus himself, congratulating you on the level of bullshit you’ve acquired, you just know you’re on your way to becoming nothing less than an inspiration for the great and ignorant mass that votes Republican.

Sorry, I meant to say; “that votes cult”, as that’s what the GQP has become. And not even an interesting one at that. While the Hebrews had the decency (by comparison that is) to blindly worship a Golden Calf, today’s modern Conservative has chosen to hitch what may remain of their souls to a man who’s never been accused of having a functioning one. Need proof? Well, there’s always this, for a start:
A scientific aside for a moment, if I may- according to Biologists, the only life forms that are theoretically “forever”, are Jellyfish, Flatworms, (AKA: Planarian worms) and a poly-extremophilic bacterium, known as Deinococcus radiodurans. Other animals that may lay claim to an almost immortal existence, are (curiously enough) Turtles and Lobsters, which unlike Donald Trump, women are actually willing to put into their mouths for free.

But parallels can still be drawn twixt the two groups- much like Trump, jellyfish have no spine, flatworms have no definable intellect, and Deinococcus radiodurans can survive high dose of radiation, akin to how Trump is unaffected by the cancerous side-effects of the dime-store bronzer he wallows in. If you take factor in the previously mentioned turtles and lobsters, the circle can be closed tight, considering he has the physique of a turtle, and the coloration of an overcooked lobster as well.

I would point out, that a guy who’s said; “Till Death do us part”, no less than three times in front of witnesses and mythical God himself, and yet remains very much alive after he gets caught committing adultery yet again, isn’t really the best definition of “Forever”, that you should try to hang your shingle on, champ.

The fact that this gaggle of GQP goblins still swallow this man’s venomous fake-oil elixir, despite all of the evidence attesting to his history of fraud, incompetence, fatuous falsehoods, political and financial failures, sexual predation, and outright treason, is in and of itself, not all that shocking when you dissect why that is. These people, the marginalized, the mentally ill, the paranoid, the uninformed, and the hateful, finally have a very public champion flying their flag, and even if he causes the destruction of whatever they love, including themselves, they’re more than fine with it.

In their warped psyches, this lemming-like devotion somehow translates to “Owning the Libs”, and all that it implies, I guess. Spoiler alert, Magamorons- the only thing you guys have ever truly “owned” without question is yourselves, and yes… there’s a meme for that opinion of mine as well:
Oblivious self-irony may not be a character flaw exclusive to Conservatives, but I’m hard-pressed to recall any other ideological group that does it so consistently well, for lack of a better descriptive. Quite candidly, if I didn’t know better, I might suggest that these two were engaged in a friendly Gentlemen’s Bet, just to see whom could prove to be a bigger embarrassment to their immediate family, while simultaneously serving as prime examples as to why the American public school system so desperately needs to be better funded than our military.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. While both of these Beta-Cucks hoping one day to be mistaken for Alphas, may allegedly possess letters of apology from the condom factory cleverly disguised as their birth certificates, that’s still no reason for me to be so hard on them, is it? Even the fact that they could hide their own Easter eggs, and although there may be others who, after reading their drivel online or worse, are exposed to it in person, may feel the need to suggest that these two may be as sharp as a sock full of soup, I myself, would still never stoop to advocate for such a low-slung opinion regarding their personal character.

Instead, I would take the proverbial high road, and subtly infer that if this duo ever shared a clever thought between them, odds are that most likely, it would die alone and terrified. And since at this point, it is truly impossible to underestimate them, I would also have to call attention to that if either one was half as smart as they think that they are, they’d be twice as smart as they actually happen to be. For as the Russian saying goes concerning *консервативные конфетные задницы; Pазумные мысли всегда следовали за ними, но они были быстрее.”

Rough translation? “Intelligent thoughts have always followed them, but they were faster”.
*(Google it. Russian is a fascinating language.)

Speaking of Russians, one concept that Leyba truly fears, outside of Democracy, the LGBTQ and Minority communities having equal access to White people stuff, women’s body autonomy, a godless society based on logic, and in a personal guess based on his overall density presented thus far, the annual Starbucks Christmas coffee cup, is the “threat” of Communism, a political system that Leyba can’t define, but can meme about it like nobody’s business:This message of bravado from a man whom, as we shall come to see, is scared by the thought of having to wear a cloth mask in Walmart for five minutes at a time, transgender and gay people, the practice of free elections, vaccines, cultural diversity, and a God-free society, but please, carry on with your bad-ass self, Ivar the Spineless.This message of hypocrisy brought to you by a member of the political party that continues to fight against securing a living wage, healthcare for all, funding vital infrastructure, erasing student loan debt, ending predatory banking and payday practices, enacts unconstitutional voting laws, usurps women’s body autonomy and was the driving force behind the act of treasonous insurrection on January 6th, 2021, but tell us more, Tsarevich.Well… this is awkward as f**k.

One, not everything you don’t like is “Communism”, Ricardo, just as everything I don’t like isn’t a willfully ignorant dumbass such as yourself. I was originally going to use corn on the cob as my go-to example, but then I remembered that unlike you, corn actually has fans. Second, for people who constantly whine about “cancel culture’ as it were, you guys sure do seem to spend a lot of time practicing it against companies who dare show the merest amount of support for Humanity, and not your faux Christianity in the form of a overtly vile Jackoff-in-the-Box..

But as I noted earlier, self-owning is the in thing you do better than anybody else, it’s just a shame that all of your “boycotts’ have been as successful as your attempts to overturn Roe vs Wade, criminalize legal protest, chill the free Press, and overthrow democracy. And before you start bleating it was “just a few companies”, here’s a partial list, culled from FIVE pages of such.

 AbbVie, Abbey Road Studios, Activision Blizzard, Adidas, Airbnb, Alaska Airlines, Amazon, Barclays Bank, Barnes & Noble, Bayer, Bergdorf Goodman, Ben & Jerry’s, BMW, Cartoon Network, Chick-fil-A, [Really? But they hate Gays as much as you do!] Chipotle, Chips Ahoy, Coca Cola, DIRECTV, Discord, Disney, Dollar Shave Club, Doritos, DoorDash, Fitbit:Foot Locker, Formula 1, FOX, Frosted Mini Wheats, Gatorade, GoDaddy, and last, but certainly not even close to being least, and I am not making this up… LEGO.

This I can only assume, is because all of the blocks are different colors, and the Mini-figs are always yellow. However, I’d still love to hear your take on how we’re always the bad guys here, Ricky. I’m sure it’s just as well thought-out as the rest of your vacillations of victimhood.

Now, so that they’ll be at least one topic he’ll actually be able to talk factually about, I present to Ricky Retardo here, the simplest breakdown of the two respective political ideologies he thinks are at odds with each other, in language that even he can understand. And if he can’t, then I guess we’ll have to break out the hand-puppets next. Communism: Nobody can be rich, except the already powerful. Capitalism: Anybody can be rich, except the already powerless.

In his limited defense however, I’m sure it’s kind of hard to read a number of academic books regarding political theory when your dominant hand is continually posting ore-fabricated opinions you’ve downloaded off OAN, and the other is pleasuring yourself at the thought of Mike Lindell finally getting to the bottom of that election fraud conspiracy. Screw you, so-called journalists, the pillow guy is here, and he’s about to serve up some evidence, that only the CEO of a low-quality pillow company previously fueled by crack-cocaine, could pull out of the murk that is the American political system.

I for one, cannot wait. And I’m sure it will be just as impactful as his totally not a train wreck at all, “Cyber Symposium” was. Getting back on track Leyba isn’t alone in his hypocritical embrace of the so-called “cancel culture”, his pal Walter likes to get his licks in too:Speaking for myself here, as I always do, but does it strike anyone else as odd that a guy who rails against immigrants and by the nature of such comments, the concept of outsourcing, to cheer the loss of much-needed American jobs by reveling in the fallout instigated by an allegedly effective boycott?

To be fair, I don’t know how many of those 1200 soon to be unemployed people voted for Trump, but it’d be logical to assume that some of them must have, so why is Wally so pleased to see his fellow MAGAmorons suffer? Well, as is usual with these sociopaths, who are one spice rack away from becoming Jefferey Dahmer, and only two bow-ties short of challenging Ted Bundy, it’s a mixed bag of cherry-picked truth, and wholly outright fiction.

But before I dive in, I want you to remember kids, the GQP is the one political entity who wants to protect the sanctity of our voting process, so that’s why they gerrymander districts, purge voting rolls, pass unconstitutional edicts, claim mail-in voting is fraudulent, which it is not, and when those measures failed, attempted to overturn an election by staging a coup.

This latest foray into disseminating faux outrage by people who mainline White anger the way Charlie Sheen once did white lines of Columbian fairy dust, is due to Coca-Cola’s very public stance against a new Georgia voting law specifically designed to make the Constitutionally-protected act of voting that much harder to undertake.

Targeted restrictions of this demographically specific Jim Crow measure, makes absentee voting harder, severely limits the quantity and availability of early voting drop boxes, and imposes penalties upon any person who isn’t an election worker, from offering food and drink to voters waiting in line. This by the way, is a blatantly obvious attempt to discourage free voting, as once the new limitations are put in place, casting ballots could now possibly take hours to do.

An accidental side-effect, I’m sure. What is not accidental however, is Walter’s exclusion of what the real facts behind this meme are to begin with, and I’m 100% certain his doing so had nothing to do with what truly occurred, wherein in no way, shape or form, did a supposed boycott influence Coke’s business decision. But why talk about what’s “real” when you can instead, choose to pretend that you and your inane ilk are relevant to the world as you see it?

And who’s more qualified to determine what should be classified as factual, than a guy who while ignoring American values outright, ham-fistedly defines what it is that makes an American a “real” American?I had no idea that a random quirk of the sperm cell that became you, being launched into your mother on the right side of an imaginary borderline, somehow made you by design, far more patriotic than say, my dad, who came here from Germany in the 1960’s. Go ahead and tell my dad he’s not a “real American” because he wasn’t born here. In fact, I dare you to do so, if only for the joy of watching him knock your teeth so far down your throat, you’ll have to shove food up your ass to eat,

Unfortunately for Wally, the reason behind Coke’s declining sales, which have resulted in this superficially minimal restructuring of its estimated 86,200 employee workforce, has f**k-all to do with a boycott led by alleged patriots, and everything to do with the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, which has raised production costs, and affected its overall sales, as close to half its revenue comes from its products being consumed outside (IE: restaurants) the home. 

But let’s jettison all that in favor of the fantasy that a bunch of fascist-worshiping red-hatted twat seditionists, who while unable to win respect, a presidential election, pr hold on to the Capitol building for more than a few hours, somehow managed to make one of the best-known companies in the world entire, their private bitch.  

For my part, I wish I possessed that kind of delusional optimism, as It’d be kind of cool to tell everyone who’d listen that at one point in my life, I had been dating Milla Jovovich, but had to dump her because my side action with Angeline Jolie was getting in the way. C’est la vie. As it tends to be with people like these who concoct connections that don’t exist, follow the thinnest of threads to erroneous conclusions, and see Deep State agents hiding in their underwear drawer, unfounded paranoia is not only expected, it’s a forgone conclusion.

And what’s better fodder for maintaining one’s paranoiac idiocy than believing in a worldwide false flag operation disguised as a viral pandemic? Once again, our toxically dense twat-twins using only the Internet and the alleged voices in their heads, have figured it all out:T
This warning brought to you by the very same people who cautioned us all about the “War” on Christians, White cultural heritage, the American flag, the National Anthem, guns, traditional marriage and gender roles, Dr. Seuss, and the right to say “Merry Christmas” out loud in public.

Yes… the very same party that encouraged people over a year ago to follow recommended health protocols and to listen to actual doctors versus a failed Reality TV show host, are the ones that want to kill you.

That’s why your President ignored the experts, mocked mask usage, refused to order additional vaccine doses, failed to enact a competent distribution plan for said dosing, suggested we inject disinfectant into our bodies, and let over 500K of the citizens he was supposed to protect die, as he received the best medical care and an experimental treatment for a virus whose imminent threat he depicted on Feb 26th 2020, as such: “The risk to the American people remains very low. We have the greatest experts, really in the world, right here”,

Adding further irresponsibility into what was already an out-of-control clusterf**k, and on the very next day no less, he then incorrectly declared that; “It’s going to disappear. One day- it’s like a miracle- it will disappear.” But let’s all thank the mythical God above you’re here to give us the straight dope regarding the alternative reality where Trump isn’t a complicit ally in fueling the devastation caused by his narcissistic incompetence, you delusional dumbass.

I’m not even going to address the sheer stupidity of the bumper sticker ideology Leyba and Walter cherry-pick to sanctimoniously slur the reputation of a dedicated public servant who’s served this country with distinction for over 4o years, but I will say this- if justification was ever required as to why swallowing would have been the far better choice for both of their mothers, as well as our democratic society at large, they willingly provide it with each subsequent post.

One might argue that calling out alleged imbecility like this is a non-productive approach, but I’d respectfully disagree with that sentiment. The intent of Evil festers best under the cover of darkness, and our collective letting it do so, is what led this country to the precipice of insurrection on January 6th. This is not the philosophies of the Left and Right clashing over a few minor points of civil contention, it is quite literally, a battle between rational thought and an ever-widening chasm of sociopathic madness, manifesting itself as a vacuous vortex.

And yes… you can quote me on that.

Speaking of empty voids that suck, let’s take a gander as to how our two puerile patriots, using their far-superior sense of morality based in of course, modern-day Christianity, or as it tends to present itself these days, as the fortuitousness to worship a mythical deity whose personal biases just so happen (GASP!) to align perfectly with yours.

What Are the odds of that?

This view concerning some of their fellow Americans, who for one reason or another, just don’t happen to fit the mold that these two were formed out of, is truly vile at best. Sorry, it just occurred to me that when I said “mold”, I was indubitably, referring to this kind;
and not the type that keeps producing all those FOX News bimbo clones, the majority of whom are primarily made from silicone, hair bleach, and random pamphlets espousing the NAZI Party’s Three K’s” *philosophy for women to pattern their lives and households after.
[AKA: “Kirche, Küche, Kinder”, which translates as “church, kitchen, children”)

Even if I were to hold out hope that their communal incognizance regarding the ills of Society could someday be hopefully cured by science, I’d also suggest that if it can’t, I’m perfectly fine with attempting to purify their clearly corrupted souls using the Waters of Lourdes. And if this ;Vatican Voodoo fails to work? Well… there’s always the option of sending them to a day spa, safely confined within the caldera of an active volcano. Which, in retrospect, would be a good way to familiarize them with as to where they’ll actually be spending Eternity.

As to why that is, it actually has less to do with their abominably selfish ignorance, as the modern-day concept of Hell is no longer akin to Dante’s Inferno, but is generally predicated on the fact that Jesus truly loathes having his name dropped by people who not only embarrass him, but misquote his best-selling biography all the time as well. Speaking as a writer myself, I can assure you that after a while, that sort of thing really gets under your skin somewhat.

According to all the stuff I see posted if not postured, by these sanctimonious sheep online about how “God is love”, I have yet to see it pouring out of his so-called followers with any sort of credible consistency. Anti-LGBTQ, anti-body autonomy, anti-Islam, ant-societal and scientific progress, anti-healthcare for all, anti-education, anti-immigrant, anti-democracy, anti-living wage, anti-free speech, but pro-gun and pro-war, which somehow, still allows them the wiggle room to claim the mantle of being equally pro-life, but only up to the point of birth.

After that point those kids can just go f**k the hell off, just like Jesus would want them to do.

What’s that you say? Jesus didn’t say or imply any of those things? Well, obviously your copy of the Bible must be really old. Feel free to borrow mine- I bought it off Trump’s website, and he claimed it’s the one he read every day while president, as it’s both his favorite book, and source of moral guidance. Hence the reason why he was privately counseling that pornstar, and then afterwards, out of the goodness of his hear, felt compelled to cut her a check for her favorite charity.

Not only was he nice enough to autograph it, on its cover, which looks suspiciously pristine, as if it was never cracked open, although I’m sure that’s due to his obvious reverence for the tome itself, if not its inherent lessons. For example, during a speech at Liberty University, he referenced one of its more well-known passages: “Two Corinthians 3:17, that’s the whole ballgame. … Is that the one you like? Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”

Sure, there may be a few among you who might correctly note that particular verse is to be found within “Second Corinthians”, and not “Two”, but hey… semantics.

But this verbal gaffe aside, Donny does know what speaks to him, and how best to express it. When asked what his favorite verse was, he seemed reticent to give a clear answer, and when pressed as to why that was, responded; “Because to me that’s very personal, You know, when I talk about the Bible it’s very personal so I don’t want to get into verses. The Bible means a lot to me but I don’t want to get into specifics.” And when it comes to his preferred section of his self-declared favorite book, be it the Old or New Testament, responded with, “I think it’s just incredible, the whole Bible is incredible,”

Well, I won’t speak for you, but that sounds like a truly plausible answer especially from a guy who also once said; “I have great relationship with God. I have great relationship with the Evangelicals, I like to be good. I don’t like to have to ask for forgiveness. And I am good. I don’t do a lot of things that are bad. I try to do nothing that is bad.“

Once again, when the question was pressed as to whether or not he’s ever asked God for forgiveness, Herr Twitler blurted; “I am not sure I have, I just go on and try to do a better job from there. I don’t think so, I think if I do something wrong, I think, I just try and make it right. I don’t bring God into that picture. I don’t.”

Yep… I can’t even begin to imagine why I have serious doubts about the sincerity of their Faith, given the fact that they’ve put Trump in the same parking spot once occupied by the Golden Calf. Nice upgrade, jackasses- I’m sure God approves of your addition to the celestial icon collection, irrespective of what the 2nd Commandment says.

So, without any further ado, let’s see some of that Christian “love” applied to issues of the day, which despite not affecting them at all, still compels them to hurl five-gallon-cans of ignorant starter fluid into the fires, nonetheless. If ever there comes a time when Jesus feels the need to add some new questions to his membership applications, these two will be part of the reason why he thought it was necessary.

A question came to mind after mu initially seeing this, and it is such: why is it that so-called straight conservatives think about gay sex more than the people who are actually having it? Nothing to unpack there, I’m sure.

I don’t want to pass any judgement based in cynicism here, but as a straight guy myself, I’ve always viewed having gay dudes hanging around as a plus- they’re not competition, and my acceptance, based on character and not context, as you should do with everyone, gives women the perception that I’m a thoughtfully sensitive kind of guy, which can only help get my pitch over the plate. Your dad managed to line up his shot one time, Ricky. How impressive.
I guess that makes up for all the time he missed, and bruised your mother’s belly button.

Not to be outdone when it comes to being overly obsessed with a demographic, he claims he wants no part of, Walter brings a new twist to an old trope, and gives us not only an insight into his own sexual anxiety, but adds a delightful smattering of hypocrisy as well: I may not be the smartest of men, but I’d like to believe that if I was going to attempt a defense what I considered to be a point of sexual morality, I wouldn’t reference an association that speaks for one of the largest charity-funded pedophiliac protection rackets to ever walk the Earth, just saying. What’s next, Walter? Going to ask Ghislaine Maxwell if she’d like to be a talent coordinator for the Miss Teen USA pageant?

Only Walter could get mad at a cartoon marketed to children, which is ironic, considering his intellectual level is far below that of its intended audience. And even better? You know if he was questioned about the show’s specific content, he wouldn’t be able to tell you anything about it, because that info wasn’t included in his “What are we angry about this week?” blast e-mail.

But Ricky, in my opinion, and as we shall come to see, isn’t content to let Walter hog all the fun concerning how total strangers go about their day-to-day lives, because he’s got a Bronze-Age book of fairy tales, orally passed down from illiterate goat-herders over hundreds of tears, to justify his preoccupation with a societal facet he’s never researched, talked to, or can be bothered to understand;And by the by, my Christard? The very book that you mentally hump the way a dog does a pillow, also says that you shouldn’t have tattoos, wear blended fabrics, get divorced, wear gold, eat shellfish, pull out during sex, cut your beard, allow women to speak in church, eat pork, tear your clothes, braid your hair, putting two seeds in the same crop, hold grudges, have sex during a menstrual cycle, use yeast in any grain offerings to the Lord, nor mistreat foreigners, something that Trumpeters like Ricky do as easily they slide over razor blades without cutting themselves.

However, this may be my personal favorite, for as Ricky referenced Deuteronomy to rationalize his unfounded bigotry, I now present passage 22:28-29 from the same, so that he can avoid choking on his own hypocrisy, because I’m certain there’s nothing within the previous list, or the mention to follow, that he’s ever done against the edicts of his imaginary friend.

To note: “If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found. Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.” Glad to know he was a virgin before he got married, otherwise, he’d have some ‘splaining to do, and who needs that kind of awkwardness in their lives?

But as the saying goes; “You can’t keep a good man down”, and apparently, that now applies to the bad ones too, as Walter comes squawking back with yet another anti-gay swipe bolstered by a fictitious promise from a deity I wouldn’t trust to hold my wallet, given how his employees spend his organizational cash:
For those of you who may be unaware of what that “promise” was/is, and why the delusional descriptive of “Mercy” should be attached to it as if a job coaching the girls’ basketball team at a junior high should be offered to Matt Gaetz, it relates to the parable of the fabled Great that6 is to be found within chapters 5–8 of the Book of Genesis. So why was there a flood in the first place, and what does it have to do with rainbows?

Well… here’s the totally rational explanation: 5 And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. 6 And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. 7 And the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.8 But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.”

So, to recap- God, who knows everything, including WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN, gave Man free will, knowing he would use it to turn his back on God,, and in a fit of sociopathically petty pique, decided to murder his own creations including almost all the animals, who had done nothing, based solely on his dissatisfaction with the deliberate design flaw that remember, he had full awareness of beforehand.

I could also mention the fact he slaughtered innocents as well, given the fact he only had the initial franchise located squarely in the Middle East at the time, but let’s ignore that, just like the Bible and Evangelicals do. Inconvenient continuity makes it harder to fleece the gullible, after all. Now, despite that he created all of the Universe in mere days, decided to grant Grace upon one family, who still possessed the defective code, to go and repopulate the earth entire through inbreeding and relaxed morality.

Nope. Not a gap in logic to be found here, boys and girls. Not. A. Single. One.  But where does the rainbow factor into all of this, you ask?

Once again, we refer to the edict from the Lord of the Wingsuits: 13 I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. 14 It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud;

15 and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. 16 The rainbow shall be in the cloud, and I will look on it to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” 17 And God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant which I have established between Me and all flesh that is on the earth.”

Other than the fact he repeats himself no less than four freaking times, the celestial sociopath promises us all that in the future, he will never again cover the entire earth with floodwaters, choosing as an alternative, to only allow the swath of his self-created wrath, to randomly kill and displace a couple hundred-thousand of the dominant species he demands unceasing loyalty and love from, instead.  

But hey, we do get a free trick of the light to remind us all what a great God he is in trade, so never forget just how lucky you are to bow and scrape before him and his truly f’d-up sense of bestowment. No matter how you look at it, Christians feel that they alone, own the rainbow, and despite Skittles saying you can taste it, and Lucky Charms making it into a marshmallow, these disciples of dimwittedness are truly determined as the hashtag on the meme so clearly states, to “#takingtherainbowback”, whatever the f**k that means.

But not to fear- if they take the rainbow back half as well as they’ve taken on stopping the teaching of Evolution, the right to get an abortion, the chilling of Atheism, and defending their incessant claims about being the true victims of intolerant bigotry to a rapidly disbelieving public, I’m sure they’ll have the rainbow back long before their savior is set to return.  And whatever you do, don’t remind them that he’s only missed that date about twelve times by now. They’re kind of touchy about it, given the fact of how many times they’ve bought one of those Hummus platters to celebrate his return, and had to watch it go to waste.

You “refuse to see “pride’ when you condescend to look at a symbol of dignified equality and societal acceptance? That’s okay. I refuse to look at you, and see a mentally-functioning human being, so it all balances out.

Fear of a fabulously gay rainbow aside, Ricky knows what else is responsible for the degradation of Christian values these days, and like most of his inane beliefs, it’s old enough to qualify as an antique. I am of course, referring to the scourge of modern culture, that being;Ahh, Hollywood. Tinseltown. The Land of Dreams. The Celluloid Capital. And depending on who you talk to, run by “The Jews”, “The Mob”, “Soulless Bastards”,”, “Talentless Hacks”, “Alien Overlords”, or if your source is a modern-day conservative, “A gilded off-ramp to Sodom and Gomorrah overseen by a Deep-State-financed cabal of Satan-worshiping pedophiles, who eat babies and drink their blood to remain young.”

While this last supposition might explain the ongoing appearance of Halle Berry, Tommy Lee Jones remains an enigma to the formula, despite all attempts to reverse-engineer it. I would point out that out of all of the social problems that Ricky obsesses over, this is literally the easiest one to fix. Well, maybe that’s too simplistic of a statement, considering that the solution to the majority of his invented drama is to just remove his cranium from his colon, but I’ll give this one the nod, because it’s just so goddamn stupid to begin with.

Crazy idea. Just hear me out. I know this may sound nuts, but just like having an abortion, willingly attending a gay wedding, or deciding to act more like a person and less like an alien lizard wearing an ill-fitting human skin-suit, you don’t actually have to give your money or your time in regards to anything you don’t want to partake of in the first place. Not now. Not ever.

And if your fellow Cafeteria Christians are doing so willingly and with regularity, maybe they actually want to, but lie about it where you’re concerned, because they know you’re more fixated on the sex lives and intimate clothing choices of self-identifying TG and gay strangers, than you are with your own, and don’t want to hear yet another dimwitted diatribe coming out of you.

Let me put it this way- nobody I know has ever admitted to me that they owned a copy of any Nickelback album, much less the nine they already have out there, but SOMEBODY has been buying them, and it can’t just be deaf people who like album cover art. Sadly though, we’re not out of the homophobic hamlet just yet, because our resident gonif of gender studies is back, and as usual, brought an opinion with him that’s unconstitutional, unpopular, unconceivable, and uniformed:A few points of order, if I may? First, there is a separation pf Church and State for a reason, and the motivation behind such is because of persons like yourself, whose understanding of the Constitution is as strong as their grasp on reality. Second, the last time I checked, “Gay” is not a religion, but a demographic composed of unique individuals, that our Democracy, unlike Walter recognize as actual people.

Therefore, my homophobic heterosexist, it does not violate this necessary delineation, in the same way that the icons and tenets of Christianity would do. I’d also point out as my third point Wally, that America has no “official” religion, and I might add, never will, given that whole First Amendment clause that you intellectual voids think only applies to you.

Obviously, while you’ve spent a great deal of your free time fantasizing about the day when the Bible is “back in school’, that’s also never going to happen either, unless you’re also correspondingly cool with Bahá’i‘s Seven Valleys, Buddhism’s Tipitaka, Hinduism’s Vedas, Islam’s Quran, Jainism’s Agamas, Judaism’s Tanakh, Shintoism’s Kojiki, Sikhism’s Guru Granth Sahib, Taoism’s Dao De Jing, Wicca’s Book of Shadows, and Zoroastrianism’s Avesta, being allowed equal access as well.

You know… since you’re so open-minded and all.

Wow. Over 10K words in, and thus far, I still haven’t given these two paint-by-conservative-numbers pinheads their full due just yet. If you could actually see the ever-growing stack of color-coded Post-It notes in my heard, regarding the fallacious beliefs of these closeted calamites, you’d think I was the one who had truly taken the rainbow back.

Since the land to be explored is still so vast, if not vapid-, I’m afraid I’ll have to split this narrative in ‘twixt:

Sigh… I didn’t mean “Twix”, I meant… oh, never mind. I have to do the wrap-up as a two-parter, that’s all. But far be it from me to end this screed without one last backhanded Snark swipe- it is me after all, and I do have a reputation of sorts to look out for. One other thing I keep an eye out for? The incongruous. The off-kilter. The things that could, in theory, be regarded with the suspicion that “Thou doth protest too much”, and all that such entails.

The prevalent thing that I’ve been observing, especially over the last few years, is just how much interest that conservatives have taken in the LGBTQ community, and at this point, I’m of the opinion that it’s no longer a question of these crypto-fascist Christians believing that their surmised morality is being openly attacked, but something far more insidious, and possibly bordering on a psychological disorder.  

And to close out this first chapter of this judgement of mine, Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present for your perusal, and straight from the source itself, Exhibit A:See? This is why I appreciate Ricky so damn much- he is quite literally, a self-propagating layer-cake of depleted uranium level density, and there’s no way I could ever adequately thank him for that. Mock him for it, sure, but even the score? I don’t see how that I could, short of teaching him how to use the Internet for doing actual research, versus filling his cerebral cortex with the ignorant intolerance he allegedly uses as stoking fodder when he finds himself alone with his memes.

Here’s the thing- I’ve never been harassed by anyone representing the LGBTQ community in regards to considering becoming either gay or transgender, but I have dealt countless times with the most sanctimonious of Bible-fellating dissemblers, threatening me with Hell, if I didn’t join their sociopath-worshiping cult. Go figure. 

Maybe it’s just me, but why would anyone who supposedly walks side by side with the alleged Creator of All, be such a total candy-ass when faced with a societal variable he can’t be bothered to understand, and which doesn’t affect his life in any way, shape, or form? If there were roving transgender gangs going around and coercing civilians into changing their sexual identities by force, then Ricky here might have a point, but since there aren’t and never will be, just what the f**k is he afraid of? Other than wondering if he’ll ever find that special off-the-shoulder cocktail dress that brings out his eyes, that is. I’m kidding of course, Mostly.

As I stated, I’ve never had any LBGTQ member try and intimidate me to join their tribe and by doing so, become absolutely fabulous, but there’s been a multitude of Christers who’ve never understood what the words “f**k off” truly means. Hint… it’s not “try harder”, just in case you didn’t know. Trust me on this, if I don’t want to be stuck in an elevator with you for twenty minutes, I sure as heck don’t want to spend my Eternity on a cloud with you, either.

Nevertheless, if I for one, had an omnipotent deity in my back pocket, I’d constantly be making S’mores in celebration. From inside the fire. While doused in gasoline cologne. Using sticks of TNT in place of the standard skewers, I might add. Ricky on the other hand, seems to be afraid of almost everything, and it leads me to the hypothesis that maybe, just maybe, he’s not as assured of his inherent masculinity as he claims to be.

Unless of course, you all think that it’s perfectly normal for an allegedly straight guy to think this much about bother people’s genitalia, and what they decide to do or not with it. Not to mention, I love how he takes artistic liberty with the work of Dr, Seuss, to present his bigoted POV, because as we all know, there’s no better way to present an ideological talking point quite like using a bastardized cartoon character to reflect both your concerns and the IQ range of those who might agree with you.

Let me be clear; THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY, BISEXUAL, POLY, TRANSGENDER, or identifying with any other hue of the open-sourced rainbow as a consenting adult is allowed to do. Forgoing any acts that involve children, animals, or using the music of Limp Bizkit as a tool of seduction, the sky is the proverbial limit. And openly doing so, does not make you “mentally ill’ as this vile meme so disgustingly and erroneously declares.

True mental illness in my layman’s opinion, is continuing to espouse that an adulterous, braggart, who openly admits to sexual assault, as he fantasizes about f**king his own daughter, represents the moral epicenter of America, as he falsely complains that ye was illegally removed from power, using the machinations of a Chinese-rigged election retained within one of the most verifiably secure voting systems in the world,

This is not to say that Ricky and his curmudgeonly cohort Wally, are mentally ill, but they sure as hell are quickly positioning themselves as viable future contenders for receiving, free of charge, the long-term use of a bouncy castle room, within an institution that asks politely of all of its visitors, that they leave their potentially stabby things behind in the car. That opinion of mine aside, it’s also been my experience that when cis-men post declarations like this;

they’re not so much concerned with Society’s lack of masculinity, as they are of it being widely accepted that they possess none of their own. But I’d opine that maybe it’s a far better thing for the community at large, that they’re far more comfortable expressing their misogyny, than they are with the fact that the thought of the strangers dicks they’re always ruminating over, make them feel just a tad bit flustered at times.

You know… just like when they used to climb the rope in gym class? Allegedly, of course. I’m just spitballin’ some ideas to clear out the ol’ mental attic, and in no way should my flippancy be regarded as anything more than that. Once again, there’s nor=thing wrong with expressing who you are, but pretending it’s okay to openly attack someone else who’s private and personal lifestyle choices make you uncomfortable, is the most chickens**t of positions to defend.

In more civilized times, a person far more eloquent than I, most certainly would call attention to the awkward detail that the unfounded fear and hatred of the LGBTQ community (for most men at least) is 100% fueled by the peat bog of toxic masculinity, but I’m equally confident that Ricky would rationalize it as his morality, such as it isn’t, being taken unfairly out of context.

But… if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and tends to pay way too much overly focused consideration to other duck’s corkscrew-shaped appendage, then it’s either a duck, or one highly confused egret full of regret. As noted earlier, “Thou doth protest too much.” The real question awaiting an answer is “Why?”

This is naturally, a query that will resolve itself at some point, but as a closing thought to this first documentation of delusional dipshi**ery, I’’ll take a moment to metaphorically castrate a few of Ricky’s cuckold concerns. Yes, the role of a father is important, No doubt about that. But if you were cursed with a disinterested one as I and my siblings were, then their absence is almost a blessing. And as to boys being “subjected” to a feminine influence, I fail to see the issue that makes Ricky seemingly wet himself at the mere thought of it.

I was raised by a single mom, and one of the best positives I took away from it was the fact that we both have the same taste in women, but I turned out just fine in the end. The fact he laments a feminine influence on young boys, is almost laughable, given the fact that the male patterns of behavior left unchecked, lead to aggression, emotional disorders and disconnection, and in extreme cases, unrealistic expectations pf, and sexual violence against, women of all ages.

I can’t recall how many times I’ve heard my female friends and colleagues reference unsolicited and mansplained advice on how they’re supposed to dress, walk, act, and how much they should drink and what to say when out in public, but I’ve yet to see in my 52 years walking this ball of granite and space dust, the same standards equally applied to my gender. The real problem here isn’t a “lack of masculinity”, the real deficiency is that its most ardent advocates are fear-binging cucks like Ricky.

But we’ll get into that next time around, methinks. After all, the best part of a quest for that which is concurrently both hidden and visible, is the act of discovering the same. And when it comes to these two, there’s still so much more to be found.

Granted, some of it will be more of the same, but I’ll also throw in some paranoiac curve-balls, unfounded conspiracies, some anti-mask jackassery, and of course, the willful ignorance we’ve all come to expect from people who think that they’re being tracked by a micro-chipped vaccine, and not by the phone they use to post their delusions.

Trust me. I’ll make it fun.

“Imagine the people who believe such things and who are not ashamed to ignore, totally, all the patient findings of thinking minds through all the centuries since the Bible was written. And it is these ignorant people, the most uneducated, the most unimaginative, the most unthinking among us, who would make themselves the guides and leaders of us all; who would force their feeble and childish beliefs on us; who would invade our schools and libraries and homes. I personally resent it bitterly.”

– Isaac Asimov, The Roving Mind








To Health and Lack. (Gut Reaction.)

“Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”
– Dorothy Parker

“I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.”  – Mark Twain

Hello, Bitchiteers!

How are you feeling? Happy? Hungry” Sleepy? Sneezy? Or do you find yourselves consumed by the knowledge that life is a never-ending cycle, teetering between rapturous joy and crushing disappointment, destined to hasten our departure and that ever so surely, on the celestial path to discovering the answer to the eternal question we all have always wanted the answer to.- that being, why would a so-called “loving God”, in his infinite wisdom, ever allow a cinematic monstrosity such as Highlander 2 to exist without the end promise of it being eventually smote?

I mean… I’ve always considered myself a somewhat reasonable person even at the worst of times, so my willingness to overlook his previous errors ties in directly with the character traits I’m already respected for, but c’mon man…

In regards to the creation of creamed corn, the flavor that is known inappropriately as Butterscotch, the adulterous train wreck that is my ex-fiancé, and to a lesser degree, every single super-hero movie made by DC outside of the Nolan-directed Batman Trilogy, I’ll turn a blind eye, but even I, cannot possibly overlook that monstrosity, and keep in mind, not only do I have Satan’s direct office number, he’s proudly listed under my phones “ICE” contacts, as well.

Infernal best friends for the Afterlife aside, I find myself these days existing within a sphere of personal transition that I never saw coming, nor could have anyone else, come to think of it. I may have mentioned this before, but if you had told me four years ago, that I’d be a semi-retired partial amputee living the suburban lifestyle just outside a small-town in New Mexico, I’d probably remind you that there was a reason those brownies in my studio’s fridge were marked “special”, and leave it at that.I own a charcoal grill. I have curtains. A dining room table. A weed-whacker. House plants too. And with Odin as my witness, I also am the proud owner of a throw rug as well. A. Throw. Rug. Not to mention, I talk about my front and back yards now. A lot. And while the Gods of Suburbia demand that I become the owner of a Golden Labrador named “Murph”, I never will, due to my GF being allergic to animal dander. Damn. I’m this close to being considered an actual adult, as noted by the numerous solicitations I’ve been receiving as of late from both  Home & Garden and the AARP

However, since Nature openly abhors a vacuum, it tends to throw one a curve-ball when it doesn’t get its way, and therefore, decided to put me and mine to the ultimate of tests, that being, presenting us the option to buy the house we’re currently renting within the idyllic burg we now comfortably call home. Is the thought of being a homeowner awesome? That’s a big “hell to the yes”. Is it the second-most terrifying thing I’ve ever had to contemplate? Oh, you bet your sweet bippy it is, hands down.

Although to be fair, it’s not half as scary as having to sit through this convoluted mess twice:
I just have to know… who keeps greenlighting all these wastes of digital celluloid, and does Adrian Paul really need the money that bad? After all, there’s always the world of adult cinema that he could turn to in a pinch, and at the very least, their plot lines aren’t nearly as hard to follow as the one meandering pointlessly within this dreck.

What can I say? I’m just a man with a taste for the simplistic- give me a tale concerning what transpires between a pizza delivery guy and two cash-strapped blondes who don’t know to appropriately tip, and I’m happier than if I were a Catholic priest chaperoning a birthday party at Chuck E. CheeseNow, while the ramifications of being what might pass as a full-fledged adult these days, is a truly sobering thought, I’d also have to say that no matter which side of the chilled Ding Dong I look at it from, although that’s to be expected, considering I can’t possibly focus on both bank loan applications and chocolatey snack cakes at the same time, as if such a thing were possible to begin with.

Now, while the ramifications of being perceived as what might pass as a full-fledged adult these days, is a truly sobering thought, I’d also have to say that no matter which side of the chilled Ding Dong I look at it from, it’s to be expected, considering I can’t possibly be expected to focus on both bank loan applications and chocolatey snack cakes at the same time, as if such things were possible to begin with.

But all we can do at this point, is to take it as it comes, and hope for the best. Knock on wood with your fingers crossed, placing your bet on the long-shot odds that the vampire who “sparkle’s” is now dead.

And if the wondrous event of us becoming officially land-based Suburbanites does ever come to fruition, we all know who in the end, should truly get the credit for making that happen, even though technically, we’ll be the ones picking up the mortgage.

May I present to you, my assembled ladies and gentlemen, our real estate team:
Sure, they may dress as if they’re in an 80’s cosplay tribute boy-band, performing at a casual Friday gig, but don’t let that fool you for one second. These two can make any nonconforming loan their bitch, and they can do it without getting a single drop of glitter-blood on their matching Members Only jackets. That, my loyal Blogiteers, is what true badassery is all about.

Speaking of which, I find myself yet again locked within the eternal struggle of my own body trying to take me out with nothing less than predatory malice. Where this animosity stems from, I can only ponder, but it strikes me as patently unfair, considering that all I’ve ever done is try to show my body one heck of a good time. And this, regardless of whatever is currently going on within my life at the time. Granted, this methodology has been altered somewhat, as I’ve been willingly off the playing field as it were, for close to thirteen years now, but the spirit of such endeavors remains.

This only occurs however, when I’m not bragging about such to total strangers, that is. Hey, a semi-retired scoundrel has to keep his skillset sharp, and all that, Now, while it may be true that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, it’s also fair to say that sticking with the classics that have been proven to work, is also not a bad fallback strategy, either, So, to the best of my limited physical abilities, I do what I can, and I try to do it as much as reality and my physicality allows.

To be clear, this does not imply directly or even remotely suggest, that I’m running around like an Oathbreaker from Lord of the Rings on an extended Shire leave, but I try not to let my perceptibly deteriorating condition limit me, regardless of the situation and what it demands of me physically. Fortunately, the fact remains that while my body is currently treating me as if it were a rebellious teenager at a beer pong bacchanalia, my brain still shows up to work on time, with its sleeves rolled up, and fully ready to f**k some s**t up before lunch.

My body may not be battle-ready by any means, but let me assure you all, that my intellect is always prepared to throw down at a moment’s notice, regardless of the fallout that may occur due to its involvement. And let me tell you, when said challengers arrive, they’re always ready to bring the noise, despite not having even the most tenuous of grasps on the actual facts of the matters currently at hand.

This is not to say that some of these dullards of density cannot be educated, but in order to do so, they have to be dealt with as if you were sleeping with the Spice Girls. Sure, taking them on all at once sounds great in theory, but eventually, it’s not only going to rub you raw, if’s going to break your spirit as well, especially after you discover  and that, far too late, that Sporty Spice is not only totally immune to your argumentized charm to begin with, she’s also been checking out your sister as well, so maybe each one should be handled individually.

Especially when it comes to Scary Spice, as something tells me that keeping a bowl of ice, an oxygen tank, and a pre-agreed upon safe word, either upon your lips, or written down on a placard right next to the bed you’re currently tied up on, may not be a bad idea. That’s only an objective suggestion I’m putting out there of course, because as you all know by now, I live to help others.
Somehow, I’ll eventually find a way to make peace with the fact that I’ve been a very bad boy, and at some point, should probably be punished for being so, Thursday works out good for me, in case anyone named Mel B is asking, and just so happens to have some free time on her hands. And as I said earlier, that’s just an objective suggestion, because if there’s anything I truly live for, it’s to offer my personal help to anyone who may require it.

What can I say? At my core, I’m truly a selfless giver, no matter what any of those people say, or can prove. Speaking of which, when it comes to my team of healthcare professionals currently keeping me alive, it seems the giving never stops. At this point, I’m really not sure if my medical squad is trying to keep me alive by improving my current health woes, or just doing so in a veiled and misguided attempt to create an army of middle-aged snarky clones, as if I were a bargain rack Jango Fett:                                                    Oh yeah. This guy totally nailed the look i was going for.

Nah. I’m sure their hearts are in the right place, unlike their sampling needles, diagnostic scans, and best guesses as to what the hell is actually wrong with me. Perceptibly, I’m referring to my state of physical health only, because if my personal cadre of medical mercenaries ever decided as a group to undertake a deep dive into the Cenobite paradise that masquerades as my psyche, I’m pretty sure that most of my medical practitioners would wind up convalescing within their very own bouncy castle room, talking to themselves in a corner, for quite some time to come.

On no account, should my sardonic assertion ever be taken as any form of directed criticism in relation to the dedicated doctors and related healthcare professionals that are currently working overtime to figure out exactly what are the issues that currently plague me, past the obviously psychological ones that exist, but I digress, if only to move the narrative forward.

These include, but are not limited to; being a partial amputee and the concerns that come with being one,, bouts of unexplained fatigue, random fits of neurological pain, erratic muscle spasms, severe gastric issues, and disturbingly frequent episodes involving my vision, muscle strength, and an inability to increase my weight and overall stamina. Fun beyond compare, let me tell you.
Sadly, this state of affairs is not a new development, as I’ve suffered through numerous misdiagnoses ranging from cancer scares to incompetent predictions of my imminent death, a slew of errant test results that challenge the outcomes of other tests that declare the opposite, and a physiology that I’m quite sure, has instigated some of my doctors into contemplating taking up the pursuit of alcoholism as a dedicated hobby, if not an outright career change,

The latest carnival-ride-from-hell that I’ll be undertaking next, is a procedure known as an Upper Endoscopy, which is described as such: “An upper endoscopy is a procedure used to visually examine your upper digestive system with a tiny camera on the end of a long, flexible tube. A specialist in diseases of the digestive system (gastroenterologist) uses an endoscopy to diagnose and, sometimes, treat conditions that affect the esophagus, stomach and beginning of the small intestine.”

Or for those of you who just won’t be able to go on without seeing a disturbing visual in regards to such, don’t you worry about it, because Bro? I’ve totally got your back:
Hopefully, for those of you who’ve always wondered what the combination of an unwanted prison shower interaction would look like if the face-hugger attack scene from Alien was thrown into the mix, you’ll find your intellectual curiosity to be now fully satiated. As for me, I can’t believe that I’ve gone my entire life without willingly allowing a strange man to shove something down my throat while drugged, but hey, life is an adventure, and I guess I need to embrace that,

And while the procedure is considered relatively safe overall, there can be a few potential complications, which may include: perforation of the gut wall, adverse reaction to the sedative used in the procedure, infection, bleeding, as well as Pancreatitis resulting from an endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography procedure, also known as an ECRP.

This is a procedure by the way, that uses an endoscope to examine, and then x-ray, the pancreatic duct, hepatic duct, common bile duct, duodenal papilla, and gallbladder, something that I honestly can’t believe has never been deliberately scribbled into the margins of both my personal to-do and bucket list. Weird, that.

But since you’re now clearly emotionally invested in this, my latest tale of things you never thought you’d be interested in, you’re probably asking yourself just why I’m willingly about to undergo a process which at best, reminds me of an impromptu audition on the way to becoming the most popular person in Cellblock H. It’s simple, really. I’d generally prefer not to feel like I’m choking to death whenever I eat or drink something, and this particular problem has been vexing me for far too long at this point.

In essence, I’ve got some annoyances in my ledger of physical well-being, and I’d like to wipe them off the metaphorical spreadsheet for good, or at the very least, delay them to a point further down the road, as it were. You know… right before I download my consciousness into the sexiest of male robots, and thereby, cheat Death out of acquiring her so-called prize?

Although to be honest, I might need to go back to the ol’ design workshop, and rework this concept first, way before I decide to set any of my long-term plans in concrete. But then again, maybe if I need to plug myself in every now and then to literally recharge, it might prove to be far more advantageous to my quality of life than the one that I’ve currently got going on.

This is not to say that things have gone askew to the point of being truly worrisome, but I’d be lying if I also pretended that everything was, or is going to be, 100% okely-dokely without a concerted effort being launched in tandem, either. And in my case, that apparently involves happily swallowing a diminutive camera without the chivalrous act of being bought dinner first. Sure, I may have a well-deserved reputation for being easy, but I’ve never been that easy.
However, after close to three years of invasive testing, jabbing, prodding, and questioning, if not consistently sampling everything that either goes in or comes out of my body, I’ll offer up my belief that I don’t get nearly enough credit for not grabbing the nearest clipboard, forcefully inserting it into the closest lab technician, and defending the unprovoked assault as nothing more than satisfying my intellectual curiosity as to whether or not said clipboard, could ever be turned into a piece of functional Origami.

Spoiler; it truly can’t. But on the upside, once you rinse it off, you can totally reuse it.

Fortunately at the moment, I’m lucky enough to be the possessor of some fairly good insurance, so ideally, maybe I can get my health concerns under some form of consistent control, and that, long before the State of New Mexico drops me for forcing them into having to declare Chapter 13 bankruptcy. I’m kidding of course, but I do find myself at this moment in time, slogging through the bureaucratically demoralizing mire that serves as the path leading towards being acknowledged as medically disabled.

In an ideal world, I would neither require, or actively seek out such a designation, but given the particular circumstances that Life, with all of its quirks has opted to deal out to me, I simply have no choice. For now, anyway. My ultimate endgame is to repossess whatever shreds of good health remain accessible to me and my medical ninjas, and eventually, get back on my feet.

Well, my one foot and the remaining ¾ of the second one, that is.

Positively, if I do qualify, I could (under the rules) still legally work part-time, so at least I’d still have the option if only theoretically, to reestablish certain career facets once more. And yet, some of my more cynical peeps, earnestly thought that my dream job of being the lead singer for a Sigue Sigue Sputnik tribute band was dead, and out of my reach. Nay, says I, to you, the denizens of little faith.

And the best part? Minus a hair color change and a bulk order of mascara, I pretty much already have everything I’d need to get up and faux posing, and as you might have already guessed, that does include the totally fly formal jackets as well. Now, if I can only find a practical use for all those multi-colored parachute pants and British flag tee shirts that I still have in storage, I’d be as right as rain.

It’s at this point that I’m going to present an awkward and possibly inarticulate transition, and I swear beforehand that it does fit into my story, so please bear with me, if you will.

The maxim “as right as rain” is a direct reference to one’s personal state of well-being, and is stereotypically defined as: “In good health or order; feeling or working just as someone or something should.” Now, if one were to apply this distinction to the diagnostics that are currently defining my state of health, not only are they not as right as rain, they may be as wrong as David Duke being invited to give a speech regarding cultural diversity to the NAACP.

What some people fail to understand, is that one of the more annoying things about Diabetes and its resultant side-effects, is that they don’t present themselves as being visibly notable. By that, I mean there’s (as a whole) no evidentiary form of the disease being prevalent, unlike other afflictions that one might associate with the severely ill. It’s not like I want to have skin discolorations, uncontrollable muscle spasms, and seeping wounds, but it would nice for people to stop assuming that I’m “perfectly okay” or “milking” my condition for sympathy, as one of my happily now former doctors once suggested, just because outwardly, I appear to be fine.

Say what you will about lepers, but at least when they go out in public, people in general, give them the courtesy and space they require to get on with their day. But when it comes to my particular disorder, not so much. Granted, when I’m walking with my cane, people are nice enough where I live to move aside and even open doors as a courtesy, but in a move I find to be quite irritating, as soon as they discover that I’m diabetic, they’ll also irritatingly, offer free medical “advice” I didn’t ask for, and wouldn’t accept anyway.

It tends to be irksome only because, you know… they’re not actually doctors, so much as they’re means-well morons who think that sitting inside a pyramid-shaped tent “cleanses” your chakras? A heads up, as it were: if you look like you’ve been following the Grateful Dead for most of your adult life, and your name has any part of the word “beam” in it, with “Sun” or “Moon”, preceding it, not only will I not take your advice, I’m most likely going to make sure that every time I run into you, I’ll start complimenting Big Pharma just to annoy the living f**k out of you.

And keep in mind, I think that the insulin-pricing cartel is one of the most abominably repugnant cabals on planet Earth. It’s just that I’m sick and tired of people suggesting that I wear crystals, go vegan, swallow cinnamon capsules, meditate with kittens, or in a personal favorite of mine, suggest to me that I ingest dried saguaro cactus in order to “recalibrate” my “chi”, and by doing so, finally kick my Diabetes to the curb. And no, I am not making this up.

This conversation actually happened. With a person. Someone who as far as I could tell at the time, did not appear to be wearing a human skin-suit. But in my limited defense, I may have been too far distracted by their tie-dyed sweatpants and fluorescent mushroom tattoos, to be paying the attention that was required to assess the finer details regarding their passionate implorations. C’est la vie, and all that.,

When I first moved to this, my newest Lair of Snarkitude, it was mentioned to me by a fellow creative that the place I was now set to call Home was, and I quote: “the perfect place to either hide out or reinvent oneself”, and after close to three years of living here, I have found elements of truth in the dual aspects of that casually uttered thought. And in an unforeseen twist, it seems to be a message of relevance that I needed to hear, and more importantly, take to heart.

If you’re in my intimate inner circle, and ever decided on a whim to line up my past life in Phoenix, with the New Mexican one I’m currently living, you’d definitely notice some major changes within yours truly, and only a handful of these can be attributed to my incorporation with Suburbia and all of its deliberately manicured perfection. These include my new approach to what I now write about, as well as my social interactions, of which I’ll delve into further down the literary road.

As for the rest, I’d assert that the cause can be divided equally between my current health crises, and the fact that at this particular moment, I’ve found myself being able to “breathe” for the first time as it were, in 25 years or so.. What I mean to say so by this, is that here, nobody has a clue who I am. Not one soul. Therefore, I rarely have to deal face-to-face with the truly toxic, as I so often did with the brigade of art poseurs that willingly contributed to helping turn Phoenix’s once mildly interesting, so-called art scene, into the equivalent of a glass of room temperature milk.

Served with a plate of generic vanilla wafers, of course, as we wouldn’t want any of those slumming    Scottsdalians feeling directly challenged by work that they’d have to reflect upon with an intellectual pause. That is, when they’re done ignoring it in the first place. The cultural impact of the Phoenix Art Scene (aka: the PAS) to its supposed base of patrons, is akin to what passes for high-end dining in the town I currently live in, except at least here, I can strategically defend the necessity, if not the practicality, of a Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast platter.Concerning which plate of overly salted pretentiousness is far more palatable, is still a query that remains open to a measured debate, but if I’m going to go out of my way to make myself sick, then rest assured, I’m going to make sure there’s some form of actual bacon involved, and not just a putrid pile of rehashed pork, thank you very much.

After nearly two-and-a-half decades slogging through the venomous mire of personal arrogance, marketing incompetence, and a level of artistic presentation and ethical quality that I could only charitably describe as half-assed at its best, for me to say I don’t miss it at all, is quite possibly the understatement of the century.

For the sake of clarity, I’m not bagging on the many positive aspects that have come out of the tempestuous chaos that once underpinned my life, the obvious ones being friends, knowledge, and professional respect, but I’d also have to call attention to the fact that almost everything I worked toward building in the PAS, has either been torn down and covered in concrete, or seen an overpriced and badly-filtered homage to the architecture of downtown Los Angeles built on top of it.

By that measure, why in the name of all that’s unholy, should I ever condescend to remain an advocate, far removed as I am, for what its very own soldiers have willingly allowed it to become? Granted, while I still support certain peeps and organizations within the PAS, it will literally be a cold day in Phoenix, before I ever dip what remains of my toes back into that cesspit of impotent posturing as an ally of any note..
Those who know me well, aren’t surprised at what I just wrote, but for those who don’t, well… you’re about to learn some new things about me, and some of them, if tradition holds, are most definitely going to tick you off. I didn’t get the reputation I have for being caustically blunt, by engaging in sycophantic sugar-coating, and I see no reason to turn over a new leaf just because I’ve found myself relocated both physically and mentally, far away ffrom the lands that I once stalked unimpeded.

But you keep those spirits high and that chin up, because as GI Joe loves to say;Truer words have never been spoken by a fictional character in a Korean-produced cartoon, let me tell you, and I say this as someone who watches a lot of animated TV and movies. You know, for artistic inspiration and research purposes, just like any other unmarried 52-year-old man in poor but slightly stable health does. So glad to see that you agree, since it’s already problematic enough that when I go to a theater playing the latest PIXAR movie, I have to borrow a friend’s kid for the afternoon, just so I don’t come off as one of those guys you see lurking at the edges of a child’s playground

Speaking of playgrounds, it’s also known that when you change yours, you also invariably change the playmates who will be populating it as well. This, in and of itself, is neither that shocking, or to be considered a negative overall, but it does have the advantage of altering your perspective regarding a great number of things you may have previously regarded with what you felt was true clarity. In relation to this POV, I can only attest that over the last three years, there’s been an ever-increasing tidal shift in what I consider important and what I now deem as irrelevant, be it either the situations I find myself in, or the people I interact with, as I do so.

When I lived in Phoenix, I was always out and about. Going to shows and openings. Dropping in on fellow creatives in their studios. Consuming Diet Cokes and chai lattes within the local coffeehouse culture with a frequency far more than any rational human being ever should. And let’s not forget, my specialized penchant for lighting small literary fires within the PAS, and then emptying the contents of a gasoline tanker truck directly into them. Good times. Busy schedule. And nary a thought given to the concept of personal relaxation.

I may be one of the few people on this floating hunk of space rock, that looks at a two-week vacation as an opportunity to do even more work, albeit with far better scenery and unfamiliar foods.

By way of example, if I ever got the chance to check Prague off my bucket list, I’d most likely spend the majority of my time photographing its architecture, immersing myself in its street cuisine, talking to its citizenry as a means to gather story material, and dividing the remainder of my stay equally between the briefest of cat naps, and the completion of my pilgrimage to visit every single shooting location prominently featured in Blade 2, starring Wesley Snipes.In short, while I don’t believe in the “Work/Life Balance” bullspit that modern-day corporations promote as an alternative to a thriving wage, I oddly do seem to follow its tenets, and I do so happily. For those who may not know what W/LB is, I’ll boil it down for you. In a nutshell, it is the amount of time you spend doing your job, compared with the amount of time you spend with your family, and doing those things that you enjoy most, such as hobbies or in my case, filling my home’s crawlspace with dead clowns

Of course, when it comes to the corporate take on this, they’ll as a whole, try to convince you that your work “family” is as equally important as your actual one, a concept which at best, is almost sociopathic in its inception, if not its implementation However, there are some overlapping commonalities are at play here, the first being that like many of the former coworkers I’ve had to endure, I can’t stand the majority of my remaining family either, save for my older sister.

Case in point? I routinely tell people that both my parents are dead, when in fact, they’re still very much alive, and I do it with a giddiness that some might inadvertently, construe as a fully-clothed orgasm. Due to my ongoing health issues, my past near-death experiences, and my general sense of alienation from that which most people take for granted, I find myself consistently rethinking, if not retooling outright, a majority of my interpersonal relationships.

And at the top of my list, if I may be allowed to take a diversionary side road to the topic at hand, involves clearing the air about why I have some serious issues with my immediate family. What can I say? It’s far cheaper than paying for a shrink.
Now, I’m hoping not to turn this screed into a very special episode of Punky Brewster or a therapy session masquerading as snarky commentary, but I will say this: neither one of my parents should have been allowed to raise a Chia-Pet, much less breed and attempt to raise three kids.

My father, who overall, is a stereotypical hard-working self-made blue-collar guy, is also a fatally clueless and slightly racist curmudgeon, who, when given a moment of supremely undeserved grace to explain himself and his actions betraying my trust and respect, that being the end result of an abominable lie foisted upon me, chose to throw deflections instead, as if he were Donnie Yen flinging shuriken.

Throw in an unhealthy measure of paranoid self-absorption, and it will become perfectly clear to you as to why his emotional range vacillates from Russian permafrost to Antarctic glacier. The best aspect of this stunted sensitivity is that if you ever need a drink chilled, he can do it by either holding it for 30 seconds, or by dropping in a piece of ice chipped from his soulless outlook regarding the world entire.

However, my mom is so not all that. Instead, she’s a blatantly palpable dissembler, who’s sense of evil timing could almost be considered as a talent on loan from Lucifer’s massage therapist herself. Now, while my mother doesn’t share the same paranoid and often ignorant worldview that my father does, she compensates for it by making sure that you’ll always feel like you’ve been trapped in a “Saw” movie. The difference being that unlike the films, you’ll be the only one getting maimed by her mind games.
Whereas my father chips away at your psyche via a campaign of disavowing the legitimacy of what you’re passionate about, which in my case involved the choice to pursue an art-based career., my mom on the other hand, just chooses to ignore what it is you do (and you) to the point that the only time you’ll exist in her world, is when she needs a favor from you, a message that metaphorically got hammered into my skull after my near-death experience, back in 2008.

It’s almost a shame that insufferable self-absorption and mental abuse aren’t ever going to be considered as Olympic events, because if they were, my dad would be Bruce Jenner, pre-Caitlyn era of course, and my mom would easily qualify to be a stand-in for Nadia Comăneci. And don’t you worry, I’ll provide prime examples for both approaches to systematically destroying your children’s self-worth, because I’m cool like that.

As I noted, my father deliberately eschews all that makes other people happy, such as hobbies, outside interests separate from his work, and most importantly, the inclusion of a tangible base of friends. While I used to be somewhat sympathetic regarding his particularly insular lifestyle, I can heartily now attest that this once free-flowing well of charitable acceptance in relation to such, has since run dry. To be fair, while it was a singular action that finally tripped my personal off switch, it’s also justified of me to claim that it was literally the last knife my back would ever accept from him at that point.

There are two pivotal points that I remember in ,my long-troubled relationship with my so-called father, and they, in my opinion, sum him up far better than I ever could, The first occurred almost a lifetime ago, back in1987,which for many of you loyal Bitchiteers,, was long before cellphones, streaming services, and the evil juggernaut that would eventually become known as the World Wide Web, were ever a thing. An era where the music we listened to was off of a cassette, smoked clove cigarettes, British flag t-shirts and Members Only jackets were worn with pride, and the belief that the higher your hair climbed, the closer to God you actually were, a theory that i still somewhat ascribe to.

I’m going to go out on a limb here, and suggest that if you ever want to really know who may have single-handedly helped destroy the Earth’s ozone layer, my pal Kelsey here, might have some personal insights regarding the root cause as to why there’s now a permanent Aqua-Net layer just above the Mesosphere.

Getting back on track, I had made the mistake of informing my father that I had won several awards in an art show hosted at my high school, which at the time, was one hell of a shot to my sense of self-esteem, given the fact that as a child of divorce living with the nicotine-addicted equivalent of a crazy cat lady, was not only timely, but exceedingly crucial to my then ongoing campaign not to slit my wrists over the living and social situations that I had found myself  continuously marginalized in.

I’m not kidding either, mind you. If I had ever been granted the opportunity to be awarded a dollar for every time that I seriously contemplated suicide in high school to get away from the stressors of my life, both of my parents being key to this feeling, I’d currently be entrenched on my own personal island constructed from Ding Dongs and Sno-Balls, with a complement of Milla Jovovich clones as my side-gals.

When informed of my artistic accomplishment however, my mother as usual, couldn’t care less, but my father to his credit, took a unique approach to issuing what other dads are able to do as naturally as they breathe- that being the dispensation of some recognizable form of patriarchal praise. But when it comes to my so-called dad, he prefers to be a trendsetter, apart as it were, from the maddening crowd.

Whereas other fathers may have said; “Good work, Son”, or even maybe the singular classic, “I’m proud of you”, my dad chose o aim it right down the proverbial middle, and go with the soul-lifting refrain of: “Huh… I wasn’t aware they gave out ribbons for faggotry.” Let me tell you all now, nothing makes you feel quite so good as when your father, a guy who hasn’t picked up a book since his high school days, and has less culture contained within him than an empty and sunbaked container of Chobani, gives you his esteemed opinion, am I right?

Of course I am. How could I not be?

However, the second (if not final) nail in the coffin of our relationship happened just a few years ago, when an issue I had apparently dovetailed nicely as a solution to an issue my father was having at the time, and of which I was not informed of until much later, although to be clear, the source of said info was not my father himself, as telling me the truth of things, is so not a Reich family tradition. You know… because being honest with others generally requires some form of an integrated spine to begin with?

While my dad is superb at detecting, notating, and never forgetting faults (both real and imaginary) that he sees in other people, that perceptive ability fails when it comes to his numerous and glaring foibles of character. Weird how that works. If my dad’s memory ever managed to become more selective than it is now, he’ll be regaling us all with stories about how he dumped Sophia Loren to marry my mom.

If you ever were ever forced to listen to my father’s cherry-picked litany of his successes, he’s always the one that rushed into the burning building, and saved the kitten and orphans trapped inside from a gruesome death, regardless of the facts that say otherwise. Newsflash, Daddy-O? You don’t get to take credit for saving anyone, when you’re the one who supplied the arsonist with a case of matches, a pile of oily rags, and a Citgo gift card to begin with.

Case in point? The aforementioned issue I’m about to discuss.

It all began after discovering that my well-loved 1993 Isuzu Amigo, which just so happened to be emblazoned with its full-blown graffiti paint-job, had failed it’s AZ emission test, due to the fact that I needed to replace the fuel system, from stem to stern. This in and of itself, wasn’t insurmountable by any means, and as far as such repairs go, it would have been relatively easy to fix, as my car was more basic than a Karen complaining about her local Whole Foods policy regarding face-masks.

Sigh… I miss you, my spray-painted lady.

I mentioned this state of affairs once and only once, to my father during one of our rare phone calls, and since I didn’t ask him for any help regarding it, I forgot that I had brought it to light. almost as quickly. My dad on the other hand, saw my minor dilemma as a timely fortuitous opening to benefit himself, as is his way. Turns out, my father’s GF was in the midst of suffering from Alzheimer’s, and in order to qualify for state assistance concerning her very exhaustive care, had to “pay down” his personal assets, in order to qualify. Nothing insidious there, to be sure. 

After all, it’s just another sad reality of what passes as the American healthcare system these days, unfair as it is. However, I get a phone call from my dad a few days after this conversation occurs, telling me not only to wait before getting my car fixed, but that he was en-route to AZ as well, with his Alzheimer’s afflicted girlfriend IN THE CAR WITH HIM. Granted, her care aide was traveling with them as well, but who in their right f**king mind takes a multi-state road trip with a mentally-afflicted individual who every ten minutes, forgets who and where they are?

Can you just imagine just how goddamn terrifying that must have been for her? Every one-sixth of an hour, she literally woke up in an unknown place, with brand-new-to-her scenery, seemingly trapped inside a moving vehicle with two strangers. I’ve seen 80’s slasher movies with a far less chilling plot than this, and those at least, made some sort of logical sense, by way of comparison.

Shocked into silence by this revelation, I was then whiningly informed that he could only “make about 400 miles a day”, due to her medical concerns, which I guess, presented itself as a personal affront to his plans, given that he decided to selfishly travel with the human equivalent of an imprisoned goldfish, if you would so kindly pardon my acidic descriptive of the situation then at hand. Continuing, he then lets me know that he’s going to help buy me a new car, an offer of generosity I had not asked for or expected,

To note, this is suspiciously out of character for my father, whose personal purse strings are so tight, that they could be used as a garotte, and let me assure you, that in the not-too-distant past, they have been.


A Day or two later, on a Friday, to be exact, my father calls me, and asks where I am. When I mention that I’m at work, as If I’d be on vacation when I have bills to pay, he seems shocked by this, and actually says; “I didn’t know you actually had a real job”, which of course, wasn’t insulting at all to the owner of the picture frame shop I had been working for the last seven years or so. And you thought I was kidding about him being clueless?

Even my then boss who overheard the phone call in its entirety, declared that my father sounded like, and I quote: “An absolutely unaware and conceited idiot.” See, Dad? It’s not just me, and those who already know you, it’s also the people who run into you randomly as well. I guess viral marketing really is a thing after all. Who would have guessed?

See, when it comes to my dads’ POV, my being a Creative means that I have no work ethic to speak of, nor could I actually be holding a job to begin with. Funny how he was never bothered by what I did for a decent living whenever he needed something along those lines, but I digress for now, if only for the sake of my therapist’s bank account. As it turned out, he had bought me a car. Without asking me. And I might add, without seeking any previous input from me either, because… why should he?

He does know best, and all that, which is why he bought the artsy guy driving a car used for back-country photography shoots and hauling artwork to shows, a four-door sedan with the storage capacity of a flattened catheter, and designed for a well-seasoned demographic that is in bed by six pm. You know, the one I didn’t ask for, couldn’t use, and obviously did not want? I know they always say “It’s the thought that counts”, but give me a break, for Christ’s sake, because for this maxim to be relevant, one actually has to be thinking first.

And for a refreshing change of pace, not about themselves, for once. Gritting my teeth, I then calmly explained to my brain-dead benefactor, as to why what he had decided to purchase without my involvement, was highly inappropriate for my needs, leading to a universal decision that a meeting set up for the next day to go down to the dealership to pick out something else would generate a far better resolution for all parties involved.  

At the time, this solution to the problem he had created did not present itself as an issue, but it soon would, which is also sad to say, a Reich family tradition, as is my parents both having the emotional maturity range of a candy-denied three-year-old. For when I got home that night, my father felt the need to ring me back up and issue forth an unbridled and delusional harangue, regarding the “deal” we had never discussed previously, and had not made concerning his purchase of the car I hadn’t asked him for to begin with.

Ahh, arrogant and unfounded victimhood, thy name is Wolfgang Oscar Reich. Keeping in mind that despite all the time my GF and I had been dating, this was the first time she got to experience who my father truly is, because she could him screaming vulgar inanities at me on the phone from across the bedroom. Way to make an impression, Dad. You always know how to upstage Mom, and that’s a definitive plus, no matter what the members of my weekly therapy group say.

He ends the call with the affirmation that he’ll see me the next day at the dealership, and that if I don’t like any of the cars that were up for sale, the “deal is off”, because there was no way in Hoboken that he’ll help me fix the ride that I was hoping to make road-worthy again. Or as he so deftly phrased it, the “piece of s**t” I was currently driving. You know, the car that for close to five years had consistently gotten me to work, to no less than six states, and God knows how many art shows and personal obligations?

That’s my dad’s take on things: if it’s important to you, it means f**k all to him, unless he can use it to curry favor for himself, just like any parent deserving of their child’s respect would do. Personally, I’m not planning on having any kids, but if I ever do, I’m going to be a rockstar at it, compared to the example set forth by this mentally-curdled urinal cake of a human being. And no, I’m never apologizing for laying this pixelated punition down in public. It is what it is, as the kids like to text.

But the fun was just starting to ratchet itself up, because until a set of keys was in my hand, and I was on the freeway ensconced within my new (gently-used) Chariot of Snark, there was no way in Delaware I was going to allow myself to relax. How could i? This was my dad I was dealing directly with after all, and the man’s moods are more mercurial than God’s on the best of his Old Testament days.

To be fair though, God at least is actually omnipotent, whereas my dad just thinks it’s his birthright to believe think that he is, despite all evidence to the contrary. As it tends to do, the next day arrives, and as my GF and I arrive on the agreed upon time at the dealership, an hour away from our house, we discover that not only is my father not there to greet us, he’s also not answering his phone, either.

Correction: what I meant to say is that he wasn’t answering MY phone calls, even after 30 minutes, but when the dealership calls, he picks up theirs on the first ring. I’m sure there’s nothing to unpack there, right? Of course not.

As it turned out, he wasn’t running late, mind you, he was still kicking back at his hotel, naturally located on the opposite side of town, an HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES AWAY, because… f**k you, that’s why. This discourteous display of parental authority leads to my GF and I going to a megamall half an hour away and grabbing lunch, where she spends the entire meal advising me to keep my temper in check, because if I did, I’d have a new car at the end of it all.

Calm woman dating a getting increasingly angry man, and all that. Sometimes, you just gotta take your redhead’s advice, play it cool, and accept the fact that she’s way smarter than you, and typically, fortified with a far healthier course of action than the one you’re currently espousing as foolproof.

Don’t worry. You’ll get used to it. Mythical Lord knows, i have.

So, with my temper management Redhead firmly in tow, we return to the dealership and greet my father who at this point, I haven’t seen in the flesh for a number of years, and whom had also never met my GF in person, as noted previously. After the brusquest of introductions, he then proceeds to studiously ignore my GF’s attempts at conversing with him, most pointedly whenever she talks about how well my career as a magazine writer was going at that moment.

A subject which he obviously had zero interest in discussing, or even hearing about, because once again, what I do is not a “real” job. Nice work, Dad. Good hustle in regards to laying down that frosty charm that Germans are renowned worldwide for. Sure, my Gf may have literally saved my life half-a-dozen times, and is the one I‘ve chosen to spend the rest of my life with, but why show her any respect? You had one job to do, you self-absorbed son of a bitch, and you couldn’t even do that.

Heads up, Daddy-O; if it ever comes down to who gets in the last rowboat with me, and the choices are you and her, get ready to eat some serious oar, because you’re going to be shaking hands with Davey Jones long before I ever grant you a seat.

Faking interest in other people’s lives isn’t all that hard, Dad. Just ask Mom. She obviously had been doing it for years concerning your marriage, so maybe you should have taken some notes and asked her for some useful tips after the divorce became finalized. Advice for another day, I guess. But as my Ginger ninja had so diplomatically stated over lunch, at the end of this groveling suck-fest was a new car, so I steeled up, and took it all in stride, as artsy badasses are apt to do.

As my GF and I walk outside to see the choices available for purchase, I’m informed that my father had been in contact with the dealership about getting me a car long before I had even told him about the issue with my car, a fact which becomes crucial later on in my story, so tuck it away for later retrieval, if you would be so kind.

Fortunately, one of my options turned out to be the exact same year and model car that my GF already owned, (albeit a different color) and as i I was already familiar and totally dug her car to begin with, the selecting of it as my new Snarkmobile was literally, one of the easiest decisions I’ve ever had to make, next to deciding that while yes, James T Kirk will never be the Starfleet officer that Jean-Luc Picard is without question, he’s still a far better captain than Jean-Luc could ever be, hands down.

At that point, all that remained for us to do was get through the point of sale paperwork, and I would be home free, as long as my dad didn’t make it difficult to do so, which of course he did. As we sat in the office, my father who up until this point, had been doing his best impression of the Sphinx, suddenly found the on switch for his mouth, and started upon a litany of free-form complaints and random thoughts, none of which by the way, were relevant to what was currently being discussed.

Nevertheless, we were making progress, and to be quite honest, until the time he actually signed the paperwork transferring the car’s title over to me, I was inherently convinced that he’d pull the rug out from under me, and renege on the deal that he and the voices in his head had made. Providentially, he did live up to his end of our one-sided bargain, thereby lifting a weight off my chest that my father had placed there without so much as a passing concern for my state of mental health.

But I wasn’t free of the psyche shredder yet, no siree Jim-Bob. Reading the tension still prevalent in the room, the dealership rep tosses out the following joke as a way to ease up the pressure: “Well, now that you’ve got a new car, you’ll need a bumper sticker for it- I’ve got an old one on mine that says:”To which, my ever so culturally-sensitive father responds ever so jovially to the salesman who just so happens to be of mixed-race; “Yours must have been talking about that dumb bastard Obama… “he”, [meaning me] thinks he’s just great.”

I once read that it takes water an average of forty-five minutes to one hour to freeze solid, depending on the efficiency of one’s freezer and the paradoxical influence of the *Mpemba Effect, but this twenty-something salesclerk managed to form an ice crust in less time than it took for me to slip a stripper my business card back in the day.
*[The Mpemba effect is a catch-all term for possible cases in which hot water appears to freeze faster than cold water. Science! Like Magic… but Real.]

With mythical God and my GF as sole witnesses, if that kid had shuffled the ownership papers into their complementary folder any faster, he would have been able to generate a Class-% hurricane without even breaking a sweat. And did my father even notice that said salesperson was giving him a glare that could freeze lava?? Of course, he didn’t, because other people’s feelings don’t register when you’re a raging narcissist. All I could do was telegraph with my eyes that I was so sorry, and in return received the universal head nod that states: “I get it. He’s an old white guy.”

However, the chill emanating out of that kid at that moment towards my clueless father, made me, felt as if I was streaking down the frozen foods aisle at the Anchorage Albertsons, whereas my father walked out as if he were on a beach in Florida. But in the end, I did get a relativelycar, so all’s well that ends well, right?

Well… not so much actually, for a few months later, I was engaged in a conversation with my older sister, who is literally the only family member I still talk to these days, and she shared a somewhat interesting factoid with me- seems that at the same time he bought me my car, he had also purchased my niece and her hubby a brand-new and fully-decked-out, truck as well, despite their protestations they didn’t need that much excess bling on their new (and as in my case) unexpected ride.

And in yet another out of character move, he hadn’t even tried to haggle with the dealership regarding its price, which echoed his actions while he was in AZ, arranging our transaction. Now, as to why this is odd, keep in mind that my father is the type of man that would try to negotiate the price of a Happy Meal, so his tossing out piles of cash willingly, is akin to my calling up my ex-fiancé, and asking her out to a five-star lunch date on my tab.

In other words, it’s quite literally the epitome of a “Hell has frozen over” moment. But iut got even stranger, because concurrently, there had been a severe windstorm that had blown don the fence around the house my niece was renting from my father at that time, and despite his recent run of distributing cash to used-car salesmen named Todd, he refused to pay for the required repairs, despite hi clearly defineds legal obligation as a landlord to do so.

This, despite the fact that my sister, ever the crafty one, had managed to set up a deal with a fellow churchgoer who did carpentry for a living, and who agreed to fix the fence for what amounted to essentially the cost of materials, with an almost insignificant percentage fee tacked on the back end to do so. Essentially, my sister had managed to get the work done for nearly a quarter of the standard price, which, let’s face it, was a smoking deal, and yet, my father still refused to accept said bargain.

So, paying out over 24k for two vehicles was easier than slipping on greased ice, but shelling out 1500 bucks for a new fence was going to break the bank somehow? And that’s when the motivation for his seemingly unchecked spending spree became clear as a crystalline snowfall to me- he wasn’t being charitable or acting out of some form of parental or grandfatherly concern, he was, once again, manipulating a crisis of fortitude in order to protect what he considers to be the most valuable ting in his life, that being his own egotistical self-interest.

Remember what I had written earlier: “Turns out, my father’s GF was in the midst of suffering from Alzheimer’s, and in order to qualify for state assistance concerning her very exhaustive care, had to “pay down” his personal assets, in order to qualify.”

Obviously in retrospect, this was the plan my dad was laying out, and insultingly, without informing any of us about his true intentions, but there was an additional detail that he also let somehow slip his mind as well, that being, it wasn’t his money he was spending so freely, it was his afflicted girlfriends’ assets that were being distributed instead.

What do I base this opinion of mine on, you ask? Considering that my dad may be the only person on Earth who still thinks that picking up a dropped penny is worth the effort involved, his willingness to purchase new vehicles without questioning the terms set forth, is not only an out an out tell, it’s also the last nail of damnation regarding the sweet discount he was being offered to rectify the home repair that he had found himself legally on the hook for, and yet, was refusing to accept.

What do I base this opinion of mine on, you ask? Considering that my dad may be the only person on Earth who still thinks that picking up a dropped penny is worth the effort involved, his willingness to purchase new vehicles without questioning the terms set forth, is not only an out an out tell, it’s also the last nail of damnation regarding the sweet discount he was being offered to rectify the home repair that he had found himself legally on the hook for, and yet, was refusing to accept either the responsibility or the exit out being presented.

See, I have no issue if my Dad had envisaged the notion to utilize my then ongoing concern in order to subtly f**k over the government, or that he was going to be spending someone else’s money to do it, as those are two of my favorite things to do anyway, but when it comes to deliberately misinform me that this was his veiled game plan all along, I tend to take a rather dim view of both his lack of testicular-based spine, and conceited readiness to make me a centralized pawn within his scheme.

Weird, that I would, when it gets down to the brash tacks of it all. Misspelling definitely intended. I know it does strike strange that despite my getting a “new” car out of the deal, I’d cut off all avenues of communication with my father, but this, the latest straw in an immense pile of them was finally the one that managed to break the proverbial whipping camel’s back. Don’t like what I do for a living? Who gives a f**k what you think? It ain’t your life, Pops, and it’s not like you’ve ever done anything of note to contribute to it, past the point of providing me with examples of what parenting should not be, that is.

But when you outright f**king lie to me….

Well then, apparently, you’re in in the market for experiencing a class of fuckery that would give the mythical God himself, eternal nightmares. Or you would be, if you were actually worth the effort to begin with, and my dad is so not that. Why should I waste my limited energy just to throw good after bad?

I was hoping beyond all reason, that I’d be able to present one semi-functional parent to my GF, and I did honestly think that my dad had the potential to truly be the dark horse winning that race, but instead, all he managed to do was embarrass me and himself publicly, and give me a serious complex regarding the blue-light-special DNA I sprang from.

So, how did my father handle being excised out of my life, in a manner far harsher than he thought he didn’t deserve, because as we all must remember, nothing is ever his fault, so the problem must be me, the entirely ungrateful child who for some anomalous reason, didn’t appreciate having his trust being played like a mandolin at a Mumford & Sons concert. An opinion, I might add, that I vehemently disagree with, given the narrative I just laid out for y’all.

But leave it to my father, who just so happens to be a man of somewhat considerable financial means, to bring the full weight of such to bear on the sensitive issue of reconciliation that stared him dauntingly in the face. Marshaling his forces, he then proceeded to come charging out of his metaphorical castle keep, and did what all men of noble character do, when they’re confronted with an emotionally sensitive situation of their own making- he made three phone calls over the space of three years, and then considered his reunification tour a success, I guess?

Spoiler: I’ll never know, because I have as much interest in finding out the answer, as you should wanting to undergo the process of having a catheter dry-fitted when you’re fully lucid, as a rule. Seriously. If the option ever arises, tell your medical team that you’ll pay for the anesthesiologist, and if that fails to get things moving in the right direction, say something so vulgar, that’ll cause one of them to take offense, and lay you the hell out atop a pile of Sham-Wows.

Trust me about this. You’ll be glad you did.

My father and his bulls**t now set aside, that just leaves my mom to be discussed, and mercifully, her story-arc is far less requiring of detail than the menial monolith that was the tale that was my dad’s. When you look at it objectively, it’s almost as if Christmas came early, albeit with the option of drunkenly forgetting that it gave the gift it brought you to its Uber driver in lieu of an actual tip.

Now, to be brutally transparent, my mom has far more successfully perpetrated turns of abominableness on record than my dada does, but if I were to start going down my personal laundry list of the mental and physical abuse she engaged in from the time I was a child up to my late teens, not only would it horrify you, I’m also fairly certain that somebody would try to make a Netflix series out of it.

And mythical God knows, nobody needs to see that.

Funnily enough, if you ask my dad about this particular topic, not only will he claim the innocence of ignorance, he’ll also downplay the stuff that he cannot rationalize or explain, such as my consistently having obvious finger-bruises around my throat, after it was told to him that I, forever the congenital klutz, had once more, “tripped’, ‘fallen”, or my personal favorite, “ran over and into” a variety of items so varied, that NASA themselves would beg off from compiling a comprehensive list.

My grade school at the time though, did nobly express to my so-called father, their concerns regarding the blatant signs of physical abuse that several of my teachers had observed, and his paternal response to their fears was a classic. He just ignored it completely because of its inconvenience, and the problem magically went away, like such things are apt to do, if you just forcefully shunt them to the darkest of crawlspaces and choose to not see them for what they truly are.

A hell of a lot, that’s what.

Between my father’s lack of involved parenting skills, and my mother’s disturbingly sociopathic and overbearing ones, my current state of recall in regards to my childhood is definitively not the depiction set forth by authors such as Maurice Sendak, but it does align nicely with the rawest of work from Roald Dahl, if he were both tripping on Mescaline, and taking stylistic writing cues from Clive Barker.

Don’t misunderstand me here- while my mother was the main transgressive assailant relative to the majority of the abuse I endured as a defenseless child, my father is just as equally culpable, whether he’ll admit it or not. He may have never hit me, save for the 3 times I actually “deserved” it, with one of those being right in front of the Lincoln Monument no less, his willingness to make excuses for my mom, while concurrently launching his own virulent form of mental abuse towards me, cannot be discounted by any means or measure.

As I said earlier, I do have a laundry list of sorts, and while I did promise not to go into exhaustive detail in regards to it, I can offer up this one crucially vital tidbit of advice: choking out an eight-year-old child by wrapping a lamp cord around his neck just because you had a “bad day” is most certainly an ethical no-no, regardless of what the ghosts of Bing Crosby and Joan Crawford may choose to say to you. To this day, my intimates know that if you want to find yourself introduced to the floor face-first, all you need do, is try to grab me by, or around, my neck

And here I was, thinking my parents had given me nothing, save past a burning sense of hatred and disgust at their collective failure at being both dependably responsible parents and fully functioning humans. Turns out, they gave me some severely impactful trust and anger issues as well. Which of course, my friends would happily note, hasn’t really affected me at all.

But as the saying goes, “Misery loves company”, and when it comes to my mom on particular, there’s plenty to go around. Especially where one of my oldest friends is concerned.

When I had told him over a few soon-to-be-emptied bottles of various spirits about my mother contracting uterine cancer, he simply said the following with a wistful smile: “How unfortunate for her.”, a response that sent his then-girlfriend, and now wife, into what could only be charitably described as a state of personal shock.

This sense of offense soon passed however, after my friend regaled her with a truncated opus vis-à-vis all that he had personally witnessed over the course of our friendship, which had been established since eighth grade. And let me tell you, when others start expressing feelings of sympathy for a utilized tool of Death which others would normally be set against, it does nothing less than validate what you’ve been screaming harder than f**k to the empty sky for the last twenty years or so.

Take note that in no way, shape or form, am I trying to be purposefully disrespectfully flippant, but I’d opine that she doesn’t have cancer, the cancer has her, and I for one, can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve had to stop myself from sending said malignancy a card expressing my sympathy for its unfortunate assignment. Regardless of the sad fact that Hallmark most certainly doesn’t make a line of pro-cancer greeting cards to begin with. But someday? Who knows.

However, since there is a required test for obtaining a driver’s license, and not one for siring progeny, I have come to believe that for most of us, the family you wind up with is no more than the randomness of a celestially quirky game of back-alley Craps at best, and if you managed to score a parental duo that make Carol & Mike Brady look as if they had just stepped out of a V.C. Andrews novel, then good for you, my fortunate bastards.

Given the dynamic and history of our family, my siblings, as well as I, have become convinced at this point, that the dice my parents used to win the game for themselves alone, surely had to be “loaded”, because there’s no way in Hell that their fellow human beings would allow them unfettered access to the act of raising children, unless some form of side-betting was involved. And in this case, betting on the House to succeed as parents of any note, was most certainly the wager of a sucker.

I’m sorry. I promised you a short snippet regarding my mother’s last great flameout with me, versus this rambling stream of thought therapy session, so here it is, in all its asinine detail and self-absorption, that to be fair, could have only been birthed in the now-rapidly-failing brain that lives inside my mom, AKA: Joan Theresa Timko-Reich, who’s ability to be both a martyr and a monster, is truly wondrous to behold.

Now, when I say her brain is “rapidly-failing”, it’s because at this time, my mother so-called, is ensconced safely within what I can only assume are the soft-pastel-toned walls of an assisted care facility, located somewhere in the bowels of New York State. You know, the type of place you send your relatives to when their overall grasp on Reality gets softer than a wheel of Camembert: inadvertently left inside a Phoenix-parked SUV in July?
While she may now be pardoned {somewhat} from future personal consequences because of the onset of karmic dementia, does it now imply that she is also to be absolved of her past transgressions due to such? I think not.

 And to be quite honest, that’s a judgement that anybody faced with the same set of factors should be entirely comfortable embracing openly, if not proudly. In a just world, one doesn’t get a hall pass just because they’re no longer mentally or physically capable of hurting others, and you sure as f**k, don’t get entered as a contestant for canonization, either.

I don’t believe in God, Angels, Heaven, Hell, or even the construct of eternal damnation for one’s earthly lapses of morality, but if anybody could provide me with concrete proof that my mother would spend her afterlife cosplaying as a rotisserie chicken, I’d be occupying a pew praising the deity of whatever church, mosque, or temple wound up delivering the goods to my lair.   

Strangely enough, her last parental act of disinterested self-absorption was almost benign, considering the horrific abuse I endured at her hands as a child, but as the saying goes, it was “the straw that broke the camel’s back”, that finally allowed me to seal the familial crypt, hide its entrance, and salt the earth above it for the benefit of all future mankind. And for the rest that I could not accomplish, Nature was nice enough to step in and short-circuit her brain, as a means of doing me a solid.

Back in 2008, due to complications arising from the mismanagement of an infected tooth and my diabetic condition, I found myself in the ICU, literally battling for my life, suffering from a disorder known as *Ketoacidosis. Obviously, it was a skirmish that I fortunately won, albeit with some gravely resultant scars left upon both my psyche and my person.
*[Diabetic ketoacidosis is a serious complication of diabetes that occurs when your body produces high levels of blood acids called ketones, which I can assure you, ain’t your friends.]

My mother, who lived no more than twenty minutes away from the hospital, and worked a late-night shift from 10pm to 6am, deigned to visit me only once during my unforeseen stay, for a grand total of less than ten minutes, because as we all know, time is money. Providentially at the time, I just so happened to be enjoying the infinite void of what would eventually turn out to be a four-day long diabetic coma, so I’d have to offer my celestial thanks that I was graciously spared seeing her go-to performance as the devotedly suffering martyr mother she always claims to be.

Nice work Odin. I’m dead serious. Not only can you banish Ice Giants from the assembled realms, you’re pretty good at getting rid of Ice Dwarfs from the ICU ward as well.
Long story short, after a brief stint as a guest of this Spa masquerading as a death watch, I was discharged in order to go live my life according to no plan save my own, a course of action that I was more than happy to put into play. As for my emotionally compromised and ever so dedicated mother?

Full-on into the dark, as if she were shot-calling a mission for Seal Team Six. Well… for two weeks, anyway. As I may or may not have indicated, both of my parents forget that they actually have kids, until either they need something, such as ego validation or in my mom’s eternal case, a “small favor”. Which is of course, what you should obliviously ask for when you haven’t checked up on your still recovering son for the length of a fortnight, am I right?

Of course, I am. It is me, after all. However, at the time of my alleged mothers call, I was on the road to Utah with my GF for a vacation that had been planned several weeks prior to my hospitalization.

As we were taking a moment to enjoy a delightful lunch comprised mostly of Navajo Fry Bread, courtesy of the Cameron Trading Post a tourist-trap wisely situated on the border of Utah and AZ, my phone rang, a moment that my GF later stated in which, I apparently viewed the caller info on my screen with a revulsion one normally reserves for having a nauseous hagfish that’s been unceremoniously dropped into your Star Wars Underoos as you sleep.

Unless you’re into that sort of thing, in which case, go forward and live your truth, because I have no right to question the parameters of your chosen morality, given that mine could be personified by this guy:-29plasman-
But hey… who hasn’t come back from Mardi Gras with a story so scandalous that they swore a blood oath to never reveal it upon pain of death or the possibility of being subjected to repeated viewings of Howard the Duck , which when you get right down to it, is kind of the same thing, minus the overpriced popcorn.

Getting back on track, the conversation I was about to be subjected to within the confines of a space where the liberal use of profanity was most certain to be frowned upon, went something like this:

AB: “Hello?”
Mom: “Oh hey… I need a favor.”
AB: “I’m fine, Mom- thanks for asking.”
Mom: “Can you come over? I need you to…”
AB: “I’m not at home Mom. We’re on our way to Utah to see Ashley’s’ family.”
Mom: “Oh. (pause) Is Ashley with you? Maybe she can come over and…”           
AB: (rolling eyes) “No Mom, she isn’t. I decided to drive 13 hours by myself to see Ashley’s family, the majority of whom I haven’t even met yet. I’m sure it won’t be awkward at all.”
Mom: (giggling) “Oh yeah… that makes much more sense if she’s with you.”
AB: (muttering via telepathy) “Gee, do ya’ think so, you self-important bitch?”
Mom: ‘Anywho… maybe your friend Cale could come over and…”
AB: (sharply) “My friends are not your personal servants, Mom, they’re…”
Mom: (cheerfully) “OK… I’ll talk to you later, bye!”

And with that, the Sicilian cow who, on paper at least, legally qualifies as my mother, hangs up. And I don’t hear from her for another six weeks, give or take a day. Until of course, she needed me to do yet another favor, and one that she could easily do herself, if she didn’t suffer from a perpetual martyr queen complex, or as certain members of my estranged family liked to call it; “The Passionate Pity Play.”

I can attest, and that without fear of reproach, that my mother is so good at playing the victim, rogue forensic teams follow doggedly behind her as she walks, reverently laying down chalk outlines, as if she was the High Priestess of the Nazca Lines on vacation.

As a side note, I am aware that this screed started off purportedly dealing with my ongoing issues of health, and wasn’t supposed to devolve into a Lifetime dramady playing at 2am, but I swear, I’ll get this juggernaut back on track before you know it. As with most things in my world, it’s path is circularly aligned, and it will all amalgamate cleanly in the end.

Trust me. You know I’m good for it.

So, as you may have surmised, some form of proactive progress had to be made in regards to the strain on both my physical and mental health that I was experiencing with the DNA donors that Mother Nature had puzzlingly deemed worthy to serve as my parents, and that, right quick. I’m fairly confident that if I allowed the metaphorical floor to be opened concerning what I should have done to improve my relationship with this toxic duo, I’d foster a guess that some of you might be tempted to go with the notion that we should work it all out in some form of group therapy, a proposal to which, i would politely say: See, what most people tend to forget, is that in order for an individual to enact change, they must have to want to change in the first place, and rest assured, neither one of the Replicants currently posing as my parents wants to do that. Not because they’re incapable of doing so, but because collectively, they see no reason as to why they should to begin with.

My father is a by-product of a by-gone era, where people could safely do business based on nothing more than a handshake, a time wherein corporations felt obligated to take care of their workers, and where he alone, could buy a modest house on the 1962 minimum wage, so dragging him into the light of today’s reality would be akin to Van Helsing buying Dracula a four-post tanning bed.

And my mom?

Well… as noted earlier, my mother is currently cosplaying as a Chia Pet at the moment, so perhaps the less said about that, the better. I can’t expect genuine remorse and the salve of of hoped-for closure from a person who offered none prior to her brain melting like Velveeta in a microwave, so that theoretical door, if there ever was truly one in place to begin with, has most definitely been hammered shut.

However, since I truly don’t believe in a higher or supervising deity to settle my mother’s well-deserved karmic bar tab, the only gratification that I can hope for at best, is that for whatever cinematic loop is currently playing in her head, I hope it makes The Exorcist look like a PIXAR movie. And no- I will not, nor will I ever, whether it’s in the present or the future, apologize for saying so. If that brands me as an “ungrateful son”, so be it.

Much like my stance regarding the wholly mythical “God”, I refuse to give praise or allegiance to a trivial duo of narcissistic tyrants who demand incessantly that I do so, based on nothing more than a quirk of amalgamated genetics. Those very same genetics BTW, that have turned my body over the years, into an amusement park run by a sugared-up demon with a medical fetish.

And if I may be permitted a side observation, any so-called deity that lays out ten inviolable rules as a compass for morality, yet taints four of them with insane and contradictory ultimatums on just how to “properly” worship his sociopathically petty ass, is never going to get me to willingly eat one of his zombie crackers ever again, Even it they so happen to be Sour Cream and Onion flavored, which quite honestly, is a marketing opportunity that I feel, the makers of Pringles have totally dropped the ball on.

My mom and dad. The gift that’ll keep on giving, even after they become the first corpses whose very own anaerobic bacteriams wouldn’t be caught dead decomposing them. Which, when given some serious pause, achieves a level of shade that can only be thrown by a true Slay Queen. So, with a heart less than heavy, but still somewhat grounded in Reality, I made the long overdue decision to cut off all forms of contact with this corrupted facet of my bloodline, a choice that to this day, I’m still more than comfortable with, despite the inevitable social stigmata that comes with “abandoning” your elderly parents.

Granted, if I were to be truly honest with those select few who think that I’m being an entirely ungrateful bad seed, I’d note that all I’ve really done is return the same level of grace and concern they’ve bestowed upon me from my inception to my late forties, so really… it‘ll all be good when the books are audited. In fact, not having to defend myself, my career, and most importantly, my overall life choices, from unprovoked judgement and condescending contempt, is a refreshing change of pace. And it’s definitely one I can get used to, given the positives it brings,

You know…. like a sense of personal self-worth and inherent happiness? I’ll definitely take some more of that. All jokes aside, to say that my stress went down considerably after getting these inane irritants out of the jangling juxtapositions that underpin my day to life, would be as understated as the reality of just how good Netflix’s “Gunpowder Milkshake” movie actually is, and mythical Lord, knows, I don’t want to do that. 
Mainly, because I have a pretty decent home library, and I don’t want these two f**king it up just because they got mad at my inadvertently making a flippant comment regarding the believability of conceivably winning a gun battle against superior numbers while wearing impractical shoes. I guess in the end, what it all personal victories come down to, is having a positive mental outlook regarding their outcome. And that applies across the board, whether you’re battling an established crime syndicate, or in my case, the complications of an entrenched auto immune disease.

See, as time and the ravages of my afflictions go on, I’ve been jettisoning things overboard in order to keep my metaphorical boat supremely afloat. First, I got rid of all of the no-longer-needed baggage and concerns in relation to the walking punchline that the Phoenix Art Scene has become, and of its own accord, no less, and after those were FedEx’ed back to the gentrified Hell from whence they sprang, I started culling my herd of the two-faced, the useless, and the toxic, with an artic savagery I have not possessed since it dawned on me that no matter what I do, DC will still continue to ruin Batman.
Looking at you, George. And it breaks my heart knowing that you read the script first

Personally, I feel that unless you’ve remained as the caretaker of, or are the actual person inside the defective meat suit that those with chronic conditions convey into society as if it were a crown of thorns, it is impossible for anyone to truly understand the factors in play at any given moment. To be blunter, it’s akin to Carlson Tucker cueing up a Jackson 5 album, listening to one song, and then thinking he’s qualified to posture about racial politics. Oh wait… he does that already, so let’s just skip the analogy portion of this essay shall we?

In essence, and in my opinion, the maintenance of one’s health requires two very critical things- the first being a collective medical team on par with Queen’s performance at Live Aid, and second, an attitude that basically advertises that you’re more than willing to face your disease on its own terms, and if given the chance, you’ll choke it out until it’s face is as blue as a Smurf in the middle of an autoerotic asphyxia session gone wrong.
And you thought my meandering couldn’t come full circle- oh, yea of little faith.

It was once told to me upon my arrival in New Mexico, that the small town I now live just outside of was a great place to either; “hide or reinvent yourself”, an adage I have not only discovered to be truer than most of the things I happen to hear these days, but it’s real value stems from its unforeseen underpinning as a conceptual beacon, clarifying what my future moves could or should be. That is not to say that my current state of health isn’t setting the speed of my current attempts at progressing forward as well, but at the end of the day, everything counts, regardless of the detail size.

And while there has been some improvement in relation to my health, such as my latest AC1 test being under 11 (8.3!) for the first time ever. For those not in the know, an A1C test is a blood test performed to monitor how well one’s blood sugar levels are being managed. Explicitly, the A1C test measures what percentage of hemoglobin proteins in your blood are glycated- that is, coated with sugar. A “high” A1C level, indicates poor blood sugar control, and factors into an increased risk for diabetic complications, such as renal failure, blindness, nerve damage, as well as that whole inconvenient dying thing.

And as somebody who’s already experienced the joy known as a partial amputation, I’m truly in no hurry to collect all of the cards in the set, if you know what I mean. Previous to my acquiring an insulin pump, my numbers would, much like Matt Gaetz at a family BBQ, hover around the teens.

So, what’s coming up on the medical horizon? Well, the aforementioned Upper Endoscopy for one, which comes right on the heels of a successful Transnasal Endoscopy, which determined that I have a now-being-treated-infection in my throat, and one that’s been plaguing me for the better part of the last two years. Because when my body decides to fall apart boys and girls it lets every system get involved. Looking at you to be next, sweat glands, looking at you.

Obviously, I still have quite a long way to go before I can justify strutting around like my old self to be sure, but it is the eventual goal of me, my dedicated medical ream, and not inconsequentially, my insurance agent, who under no circumstances, will ever want to cut my GF a check for my shuffling off this mortal coil.

Hell, I can’t even get a free pen out of the guy, and he’s got tons of those just laying around the office.

With any luck, I’ll have one set of issues soon to be benched, and can then tackle the rest, in order of importance and their ability to either be tightly controlled or fixed outright. What can I say? I’m an optimist, albeit one based in cynicism, and given the fact that I’ve been tested for nearly everything else, the list of remaining possibilities for what’s wrong with me, has got to be whittled down to no more than a few items at this point, right?

To quote Sherlock Holmes, the fictionally lauded “consulting detective” who truly knew how to balance the joys of wearing a deerstalker cap while simultaneously enjoying alternating doses of morphine and sometimes cocaine; “Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.” And trust me, that’s not just Lady Blow talking, that’s an almost quantifiable fact.

Given this parameter, the choices for what is the underlying cause of my current condition are blatantly clear- either the failure of my body is accelerating ahead of schedule, or the genetic legacy of my true father, who was actually an ageless and all-powerful space alien known as a Titan, is finally starting to present itself in the most vexing way possible:
Think about it. He’s got great hair, a wicked sense of humor and play, he’s totally dedicated, if not obsessively so, to his career, and his name is literally “Ego”, The resemblance, when you look at it objectively, is downright uncanny.

Ego aside, anyone who knows me quite well will tell you, and that regardless of your interest, that one of the big items on my bucket list, is to traverse the vastness of Space, in a craft whose design is reminiscent of the progeny of an I-phone and a white-chocolate-dipped Cadbury Egg, with nothing save for the companionship of a female Asian-alien-hybrid empath, and if for some reason I can’t have that, just give me my own planetoid to rule, and we’ll call it all good.

And if you could see it in your heart to possibly throw in a working pancreatic and nervous system as part of the deal, that would be appreciated too. Heck… if I’m going to have unrealistic goals, I might as well go all the way in, and ask for this as well, and yes… I’m more than willing to accept her in the form of a clone:
I’m not gonna lie here. This may be the fist time in my life that I’ve ever been jealous of a wall. Speaking of which, and in reference to those who seem to be fans of them, especially the fantasy one Mexico was supposed to pay for.let me introduce you to a wonderfully toxic ball of barbed yarn I’m gonna be soon playing wit, in a future screed where I  veil my TMI therapy sessions as the thinnest of entertainment. 

This person, whom I feel is no less than a putrid amalgamation of alleged racism, homophobia, misogyny and a sense of paranoid patriotism mixed with faux Christian delusions, manages on even the worst of days, to make Kanye West appear well-balanced. And that, let’s face it- is an amazing skill-set, no matter how you light it with tiki torches.

Loyal Bitchiteers, may I present to you, one of the more intellectual musings from my newest BFF, Ricardo “Richard” Leyba, who despite the genealogy of his name and the fact he wears his Trump hat as proudly as he wraps himself in willing ignorance, still doesn’t seem to comprehend, that he’ll never get that Aryan membership card he’s been waiting on for the last five years:
I won’t dare speak for all my fellow White peeps, buy it’s so nice to see someone finally acknowledge the day-to-day crisis of identity that us Caucasians fight through, isn’t it? I swear if only those uppity race-baiters could just understand the agony of when Whole Foods runs out of organic avocado mayonnaise, or consistently seeing your name misspelled on a Starbuck ‘s coffee cup- IT’S SPELLED “WAYNE”, DAMMIT!!! NOT “WADE”, OR “DUANE”… WAYNE!!!!!
But this is a Panderers Box to open a tad bit down the road, so for now, enjoy the respite between this moment and when I introduce you to a whole new crop of local Mein-Kampf-Mouseketeers, whose hats, unlike the ones Annette and Frankie used to wear, are sans ears, if not brains.

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti
























































Vanguard of the Vanilla. (Chauvin-istic Tendencies.)

“The moral world has no particular objection to vice, but an insuperable repugnance to hearing vice called by its proper name.” – William Makepeace Thackeray, Vanity Fair

Hello Bitchiteers!

Justice has finally been served, and by this single act alone, has now caused all to be well in the World… that is, according to those White people who aren’t still furious about former Minneapolis Police Officer Derek Chauvin being held accountable for murdering a fellow American like a dog in the streets of America. You know, the land where your genetic nationality has to be hyphenated and publicized in order to make your unjustified death under the authority of a racist system palatable to those who don’t ever have to identify as European-American?

But chillax, kids. We’ve finally settled the issue of racial disparity in this country in regards to it’s policing inequalities where minorities are concerned, and can now get back to ignoring the more important issues at hand they still face, such as the rising epidemic of gun violence or the disproportion in relation to personal income, education or job opportunities. Man, it’ll be so nice to get back to normal, and start complaining about how my culture is the one most truly under threat of dissolution, let me tell you.

First, they came for my Dr. Seuss books, then they came for my Potato-based toys, and now, all I have to look forward to complaining about is the annual Starbucks Christmas cup. I won’t speak for you, but not whining publicly about how being a middle-aged white male is so hard these days for five whole minutes, has really ground my gears down.

I’m not sure how minorities are feeling, regarding their place on the planet these days, but to be fair, I also haven’t seen the current memo from us, the truly oppressed, dictating what that should be in the first place, so you’ll have to cut me some slack. Like I’m supposed to get without question, because… well, you know White. Sorry, I meant “why”. Yes. I definitely meant “why”.


While my commentary is obviously with my tongue planted firmly in cheek, when it comes to the revolting art of racist seed scattering, there’s already a superfluity in place regarding those devoutly committed dogmatists who are doing it as both a career, if not a lifestyle. I’ve touched upon this before, but sadly, it seems that no matter how many times the metaphorical throat of racist ideology is slit, albeit with logic or a chainsaw, it just shakes it off, finds yet another uneducated cretin to manifest itself in, and starts breeding anew, as if it were a rabbit mainlining Viagra.

Speaking of low-IQ entities harboring puerile philosophies, I find myself yet again on the allegorical doorstep of a man who is quite possibly, the best example of what might result if Mattel ever decided to launch a commemorative Klan Barbie accessory line. Barb’s long-term and sexually questionable orientated hunk of man-cake, just so happens to share some basic characteristics with our subject for today. The most relevant being that they’re both icons of a bygone era, and if you ever dare to pull down their pants, the odds of seeing noticeable genitalia worth bragging about, will always be zero. I’m obviously kidding of course, as Barb’s boyfriend, so-called, could always order a set off of Amazon, and just glue it on, whereas today’s screed subject can only rely on his collective racist misinformation, and inherent personal paranoia to hopefully distract others from noticing the void that mythical God left between his legs, if not his ears. As someone who prides themselves on being accurate, I’d hate to draw such a conclusion without hearing from his better half as a rule, but unfortunately, I’m also fairly certain that in order to, I’d have to inflate her first.

Allegedly, of course.

But before we get into all that, a small diversion of sorts, if I may. If you recall the last time I stood upon my social warrior soap-box, I spun the truly riveting tale of my interaction with a certain granite-brained worker drone at my small-town DMV- an experience that in retrospect, showed exactly why they have to install all that bulletproof glass in those otherwise cubicle moron farms. It’s not to protect the sensitive information that they possess, it’s to keep their employees safe from those customers who are giving serious consideration to doing the following out of sheer frustration:
This is not to say that I openly endorse, or willingly condone, enacting any form of cartoon-level violence against government contractors, but if such a thing was both ethical, if not legal, I’d also note that yours truly would make it a point to corner the local ACME market in regards to falling anvils, and sleep the sleep of the just and recently wealthy. That small rumination aside, it is with no small amount of personal pride, that due to my concerted effort, some changes are a-comin’ to the ol’ Silver City DMV, and those, right quick.

For not only did I manage to get some of the top brass personally involved, I also secured the mandatory “retraining” of the individual I issued my initial complaint about, as well. Other minor tweaks regarding their day-to-day operations were promised to be installed in tandem, and I was repeatedly assured that the odious oaf who had been dealing with the public was no longer doing so, and that a suitable, if not more professional  replacement was soon to be hired, to boot.

Time will tell whether or not these revisions will be truly implemented, or even take firm root, but it’s a start to say the very least, of I do say so myself, and I do. While it may be true that you cannot fight City Hall, as the maxim states, apparently… you can purple-nurple it into unwilling compliance, if you only bother to apply some semblance of personal effort. Speaking of which, I’d also like to address what that also constitutes, and the posted electronic commentary I’m about to highlight, is so not it.

Some context: thanks to the fact I construct a great deal of my writing endeavors at my office away from the office, AKA; The Little Toad Creek Brewery and Distillery, located within the charming township of Silver City, NM, I’ve gotten a semi-deserved rep as a dude with a unique perspective on life, which is small-town diplomatic-speak for my being way over-opinionated, regardless of the topic to be discussed..  

Obviously, I don’t mind this perceived assessment, as it does open certain doors, and helps keep less palatable ones firmly locked shut, but it does lend itself to a few moments of WTF weirdness every now and then. Don’t misunderstand me, I’d rather field the random question pr two concerning my POV and observations, than have them shunned or ignored outright to be sure, but there are times where even I ask myself why I remain  open to the process of such.

Case in point? This recently received electronic missive sent to my website:

Greetings from a road warrior.

Hi, My name is S*** N******, and earlier today I ate at a bar in Silver City. The nice young waitress suggested I contact you.  I had told her that I have written a novel that has been read by some thirty people, half of which are not connected to me directly. It has been met with a great deal of enthusiasm.

Some ridiculously so to the point of me thinking I should hide the darn thing. It is a fantasy, a Navajo Narnia with Castaneda thrown in. One Ben Caswell an actor out of LA an screenwriter fell in love with it and is stuck 2/3rds the way through a script. Not for lack of understanding but for lack of umph during our Covid crisis.

    So I think what intrigued her was that I mentioned I had a new solution for some of our political problems and am writing a short book, but I also intend to start doing YouTube videos about it. I was a radio DJ in Santa Fe as a hobby gig although I was quite popular due to my humor and an unmistakable voice. The kind that sells high end cars in ads. Although I have a Chicano, Texas or California non accent depending on the moment.

    I anticipate pissing off the Left and the Right and the Libertarians with my ideas, but I think they are original for the moment, but I’m sure they have been put forth before. However some of my political ideas are based on redefining some of our language specifically words used in economics. And further a radical approach to crime and punishment.

    The most mundane of my propositions are already out there from others like the obvious ending the War on Drugs. Never the less for some reason the waitress thought we might talk. Not exactly sure why. Either she thought you might be helpful to me in getting my novel published or in turn she believed that the political ideas might be of some interest to us both.

    Anyway fell free to respond or ignore if it is of interest or not as you wish I’m a bit beyond polite formalities at this stage of my life. Best S^^^


Somewhere out there, in a far-flung and purposefully remote corner of this beauteous land known as America, the ever-wandering spirit of Jack Kerouac, just took a celestial moment of personal introspection, looked skyward, and uttered; “Jesus. And you people thought that I was pretentious?” 

If and when I ever have the free time and access to a Ouija Board, I may just have to hold a séance to summon the author of the one book I once labeled in my High School English class “far less fascinating than watching paint dry in Portland during a rain storm”, and issue the sincerest of heartfelt apologies. But to justify this take on my requested input, let me unpack why this is so

First, for a self-declared “writer” his inability to punctuate and utilize grammar properly, may, in time, become a career hinderance. Just saying. And while a mark of quality is generally not based on the number of appreciative fans it garners, the “Twilight” cinematic series being a prime example, if you’re going to use it as a factor, you should probably be able to post numbers far greater than those who attend kindergarten can count up to.

Not to mention… a “Navajo Narnia”? C’mon man. Haven’t our noble Native Americans suffered enough debasement in regards to their culture at this point? In case you haven’t been paying attention, our indigenous population has been fighting the allegorical White Witch since She showed up without an invitation, and started gleefully passing out her blankets laced with Smallpox.

And BTW, who in the hell is Ben Caswell, and more to the point, why should I, or anyone else for that matter, supposed to care to begin with? Let’s see… according to IDMB.com, he’s an American actor who worked steadily, mostly in TV, during the mid-90’s and early 2000’s. However, the most recent production credit I was able to find during a cursory search was 2006, so I’m fairly comfortable with stating that his career doesn’t appear to exactly be on fire at the current moment, so…

This professional arc is correspondingly akin to the one that the backpacking pamphlet-writing YouTuber wannabe who penned this conceit masquerading as query, has. And yes, I’m aware this assessment may be a tad bit over the top, but my dance card in regards to the arrogantly dense is full-up these days, so tossing in a D-List celebrity name-drop isn’t really going to impress upon me an urgent sense of need to provide critical counsel, when it gets right down to it.

As for the dissecting the remainder of this mental morass, I’ll just gloss over the remaining salient points of my personal annoyance. The first being, that I don’t care about your hobbies, your distinctive voice, or your supposed ability to successfully shill motorized penii-substitutions, or what your regional accent of the moment is. Why this is even suggested as an asset for a writer, is truly beyond me, but I’m sure it’ll look good on the flyleaf of your unsold book jacket someday.

Moving forward, I also don’t give a damn about your politics, either. Pissing people off, while both personally fulfilling, if not somewhat entertaining, literally takes no enviable skill-set to achieve. And I’m living proof of that, if anything else. True debate is about finding the common ground that may exist, semantics and politics aside. Even I, a Snark extraordinaire, understand that. And I live for confrontation, very much in the same way that a four-year-old looks toward to Christmas.

Shockingly, there are very few “new” ideas that exist within the paradigm of what currently passes for political discussion these says, but this in itself, is not a new phenomenon, nor is it to be unexpected, either, given the anti-intellectual climate sadly festering away in our national consciousness. And speaking of things that bear the stench of rot, who ever told you that signing off a personal communique with the literary equivalent of “”whatever”, inflicted a great disservice upon you at best.
Arrogant, dismissive, and derivative, is no way to walk through Life, my child. Sure, it’d be hypocritical for me to ignore how well some of those elements have worked out for me, but I’m also not trying to change the world entire, just my little corner of it. And that, in a manner that others, with any luck, find to be truly entertaining. One can only hope.

So, here’s my professional advice, although you may not like it: work on your craft, lose the haughty attitude, fill in that giant-ass chip on your shoulder, and most importantly, pull your unjustly swollen head out of your ass when you get a free moment.

Because I’m fairly certain it’s jammed so far up there, that you’re currently utilizing your belly-button as an observatory window. Just my two cents of course, and you can take it or leave it, for as you so eloquently stated; “I’m a bit beyond polite formalities at this stage of my life”, and tolerating pedantic pinheads such as yourself, is no longer a thought I so charitably entertain, even if only for the merest of moments. Here endeth the Lesson. Do with it what you may.

Just keep it away from your Ego, if at all possible, because that guy is a real jackass.

Fortunately for my small community, this particular mass of moronicness has moved on to seek the haven from which he’ll lick his eventual wounds resulting from his failure, but as the diminutive Jedi Master Yoda once said to the essence of Obi-Wan Kenobi: “No. There is another”, and sadly, he’s all ours. And even worse, someone taught him how to use the Internet, as if he were a real boy. Decidedly, one that’s allegedly been taking his life cues from a David Duke pamphlet, but I digress.

I’ve written about this particularly hypocritical hate-monger at some length previously, and to be quite honest, thought that I was done wading through his ignorantly intolerant Klan kiddy-pool, but here I am yet again, pondering as to the reason why use of the Web doesn’t come with both an IQ test and a mandatory psych-evaluation. Hell, you need a license to go fish, but when it comes to the act of spewing derisively dangerous prejudice, it’s almost as if society gives you a free hamburger, a pat on the back, and wishes you the best of luck regarding your endeavor in narrow-mindedness.

The Greek philosopher Plutarch once noted that; “The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled”, and if I were to ascribe this assertion to today’s screed subject, I’d have to avow that his intellectual pilot light was not only blown out quite some time ago, but that his metaphorical vessel is filled to the brim with what might be charitably described as the rancid pickled brine of bigotry as well.

In essence, my initial perception that If he were a character in a PIXAR movie, he’d either be depicted as an overly paranoid vanilla shake, or as an overly angry jar of mayonnaise, still stands, notwithstanding the fact that there’s always room for improvement, when it comes to slurring the disciples of density with accuracy and humor. And when it comes to the art of calling out Truth to alleged White Power, I’m more than happy to do it, if only to remind these Jim Crow cowards that they will never go unchallenged.

And with that, let me sadly reintroduce you to my community’s answer to what happens when you give an ethnically-paranoid child a coloring book, and only a box of Crayola flesh-tone only crayons from the 1970’s to work with. In fact, given his previously ascribed loathing for BLM, and his insistence on mewling “All Lives Matter”, I’d suggest that if the current social justice movements had been as prevalent as they are currently, he would have had this inanity proudly emblazoned on the side of his COPS lunchbox:But as usual, I’m getting slightly ahead of myself, and our waiting bigot-in-the-wings ain’t gonna announce himself, so Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s hear it for the one, and fortunately as of yet, only box in existence of Vanilla Wafers made racist flesh, who ignobly, is making his third appearance within this, my pixelated kingdom of Snark. Lucky, lucky him. Loyal Bitchiteers, may I present Mr. Ken Cykala, Nature’s retort to the query of what a night full of poor decisions, misplaced optimism, and a broken condom can manifest as in the end..

However, I have to give begrudging credit where it’s due, and to be fair, the unfortunate completion of his birth does reinforce the multiple reasons why mixing already short-changed DNA with a worldview on loan from Tucker Carlson, rarely breeds a person of exceptional character worth lauding. This is of course, my humble personal opinion alone, but far be it from me to form such an interpretation without providing evidence as to why, and the best that I can provide comes straight from the horse’s ass himself.

Oops. I obviously meant to say “horse’s mouth” instead, but apparently, my Freudian slip got caught on my keyboard. My bad. Silly me. What isn’t silly however, is that despite two previous literary deep-dives into Ken’s lack of character, humanity, cultural curiosity, and intellect, I’ve barely scratched the surface of just how emotionally and disturbingly stunted, his psyche seems to be. We all have issues, but some like Ken, seem to have a lifetime subscription to every bigoted falsehood that’s currently being printed.

These include, but are not obviously limited to the following inaccuracies, such as that there is no such thing as institutionalized racism, BLM and Antifa are domestic terrorists, victims of police brutality are in fact, deserving of what they’ve received, Whites and their “heritage / history” are under a siege of sorts from liberals, welfare recipients, Socialists, African-Americans, Communists, unchecked crime, illegal aliens, cancel-culture, science, and all of these are being manipulated or outright controlled of course, by the true enemy of the people, AKA: The Media.

Or even quite possibly, our Evil Alien-Lizard Hybrid Overlords. Which I feel, is an undeserved bad rap, given their major positive contributions to the advancement of reality television. Oh, wait… never mind.

Ken’s ideology to be sure, comes off less like a patriot espousing that which truly makes America a beacon to others, and more as if Rockwell Kent had succeeded in making the Boys from Brazil a reality, just before he was assassinated by one of his own supporters. But enough happily reminiscing of days when the planet was made a little bit lighter and better by the forced removal of one of it’ most defective cogs, because there’s snarking that needs to be done, and I’ll kick it off with this dog-whistle classic::
Typically? That would be fearfully and willingly ignorant White middle-aged persons such as yourself, Ken. You know, the kind that despite the numerous times they’ve been informed and shown evidence as to why BLM is so damn necessary, still react as if they’re the ones being cheated out of a professional victim award or something.?


What they are saying however, is a truth that you don’t want to face, and pretend most fervently doesn’t exist. That being, when it gets right down to the brass tacks of your discomfort, Black lives seemingly matter less than the snow-blinded ones of people like you, who claim that the institutionalized scourges of racism are a falsehood, as this meme so definitively states:

This declaration I note, that more likely than not, has been sent from an ivory tower within the clearly defined boundaries of a gated community, rings true, if only you ignore the race-based disparities in regards to educational funding, financial stability, economic opportunities, and truly equitable treatment under the law. But other than that, nothing to see here, people. Just go back to your side of the tracks, and whatever you do, don’t get all uppity, demanding that which we in the White community casually take for granted.

Because if the phrase “Black Lives Matter” bothers you, but the corresponding one of “Blue Lives Matter” doesn’t, then the real issue that you’re having so much trouble with isn’t the imagined priority of which lives matter, but the use of the word “Black”. And do you know why that is? The odds most likely to be considered indicate that you’re an outright racist, regardless of whatever memes you so mewingly post, which by the way, only reinforce my belief that not only are you a bigot beyond all doubt, you clearly have no cohesive argument as to why you continue to be in the first place.

Glad I could clear up this mystery of the ages for you, my blubbering bigoted buttercup. After all, it’s a widely known fact that whenever I can afford to do so, I try to offer focused guidance to the intellectually crippled. And no, you don’t have to thank me, as I do such charity for the love of the craft, as it were. Now while all evidence to the contrary says otherwise, rest assured that the GQP will always have a race card or two up its sleeve to play in relation to its unfounded claim that racism is no longer a concern for America’s collective minority demographic.

This is a ploy that I like to refer to as the “Some of my best friends are…’ gambit, and usually involve the public presentation of persons from whatever community that the GQP is currently in the process of slurring or disenfranchising, as “evidence’ that they’re not harboring or fostering openly racist tropes, a move that more often than not, backfires spectacularly, as they tend to choose spokespeople who in no way. shape, or form, are supported by those they falsely claim to represent,

As the American filmmaker and activist Bree Newsom so clearly explained; “Being a Black person who’s willing to be a public advocate for White Supremacy is  ajob that always pays, so the position is always filled.” Case in point? This modern-day Step-anie Fetch-it right here:   I’d like to point out as I’ve done in previous screeds, that if you’re going to claim that racism in America isn’t institutionalized, you just might want to make sure beforehand that your chosen flag-bearer leading the charge for such, didn’t once sue their former college for… you guessed it, “institutional racism”. Just a suggestion that I’d offer up, in an attempt to avoid any future hypocritical awkwardness.

But I will admit, I love how compliantly the African-American collaborator openly uses the codewords of “Western civilization”, as a substitute for “White culture”, because Lord knows, none of us can see the blatantly attempted whitewashing going on here, now can we? This is akin to the “Taco trucks on every corner” analogy, once made by yet another bigoted house-lackey known as Marco Guiterrez, who co-founded the political group “Latinos for Trump”.

Apparently, after gazing upon the “Roaches for Raid” civil movement, he was similarly inspired to assist in subjugating the very culture he was raised in, and that Conservatives tirelessly endeavor to keep politically docile. Sadly though, he’s not alone in his attempt to highlight the stunning inadequacies inherent within our public educational system, as proven by the photo below:

And when you keep in mind that this person is somewhat representative of the foot-soldiers of the odious Alt-Right movement masquerading as dutiful and loyal citizens, you’d have to think that it shouldn’t be nearly as hard as it has been to achieve true equality for all: Seriously. Can anybody tell me as to how it is that we’ve ever lost any of the high ground to these walking bags of racist pork-rinds?

I don’t want to be perceived as being overly petty here, but being stymied overall by a person who willingly appears like this in public when isn’t Halloween, or not on their way to their side-hustle as a professional ass-clown, is just downright embarrassing at best, no matter which side of the political fence that you may find yourself on

.I hate to break this to you Ken, but shockingly, a country founded by the White wealthy elite, who instilled a governmental system based on class to maintain power, while cruelly exploiting slave labor to build its infrastructure, may not be able to kick its labeling of African-Americans as 3/5th of a person addiction overnight, sad to say. Especially considering, said African descendants weren’t granted the right to vote freely, until the passing of the Voting Rights Act in 1965.

But yeah, racism isn’t ingrained in our national morality whatsoever, my sentient jar of racist mayo.For after all, you as a middle-aged White man, living in a town that has fewer African-Americans in it than one would find in an Osmond cover band, definitely would have his finger on the pulse of what African-Americans go through, both culturally and politically. It’s truly a puzzler as to why they as a whole, never listen to your deep insights. Such as this one, for instance:Yep… Ken’s definitely the best choice if we ever have the need for a culturally sensitive attaché to the Black community, isn’t he?  Pretty much in the same way that Matt Gaetz should be a High School coach for a girls’ basketball team, if I were to be so bold. I do love how the meme mentions that his not owning slaves and modern-day Blacks not being forced to pick cotton, somehow sets the standard for how African-Americans should gauge the fear and disenfranchisement most feel when leaving their homes.

Take it from the White man who as a child, never had to face the very real danger that he might get shot for doing the same innocuous things that White people do, such as walking, driving, eating in public, and trying to cash a check. He knows what’s best, and he’s got the memes to back it up, even if he doesn’t have the proof to support his bigotry. So, the KKK, a White supremacy group, is akin to four separate ideologies focused on equality, civil rights, and anti-fascism? I had no idea,

But then again, does Ken? Because the last time I checked, the only group I had to worry about was the one who advocates for racial purity, and it sure as f**k isn’t BLM, Antifa, or those who carry a pocket copy of The Communist Manifesto. Personally, I get the feeling that if Ken were alive and living in 1933 Berlin, he’d be the type of citizen who would happily and dutifully, let the local Sturmabteilung division know exactly who were helping the Juden.

And no, I’m not apologizing for that analogy either. In my opinion, he’s just a few matches away from lighting the metaphorical fires under both the ideas he loathes, if not the people who represent them.

But don’t ever worry about Ken being a one-schtick pony kids, because is it turns out, our favorite bigoted boy-band member is also an anti-masker too! Who would have guessed that his alleged personal idiocy had so many subtle levels to it? ’s kind of like he’s a racist lasagna, except that the noodles are pages from The Turner Diaries, and the sauce is made from the ichor that Tucker Carlson spews nightly.

Interestingly though, Ken isn’t an anti-masker in the way that you would think. There’s none of the expected conspiracy theories about how COVID-19 is/was a plot by the Chinese / Illuminati / Shadow Government / Nickelback to control the populace, and to be complimentary, I find this to be somewhat refreshing. If fairly inane. However, because Ken has the alleged intellect of a cofefe hamberder, he’s still going to put a uniquely dense spin on his POV, that literally, nobody else could top:
Sigh… this meme, posted during a time of national crisis, is figuratively so goddamn stupid, that my temporal lobe after reading it, immediately issued a letter of resignation, and retired to Florida, where the collective density there, seems almost quaint in relation to this cuckolded opinion 

“They are bothered that your strength shines a light on their weakness”?

Dude… you’re such a f**king craven that you’re literally freaking out at the mere suggestion that for the five minutes you’re inside Walmart, you could try not being a selfish prick, so maybe you should sit this one out, kitten. Preferably in the corner, wearing a damn mask. And when it comes to “strength”, I nor anybody else, should ever take any form of advice from somebody who soils themselves every time they see an African-American person wearing a BLM T-shirt walking towards them. Just my opinion, of course.

I’m also fairly certain that when it comes to being asked to practice social distancing as well, Ken is also probably one of the first in the crowd to start comparing it to communistic oppression, despite the fact that he truly has no freaking clue what that really entails. And no Ken, not being able to use the “N-word” freely in public isn’t so much oppression, as it is pest control.

Ken’s other obsession atop his personal pyramid of them, concerns what he and others of his ignorant ilk consider to be “The Enemy of the People”. I am of course, naturally referring to the Free Press, both analog and digital. And Ken despises them, with a passion only equaled by his hatred for sharing the planet with those who advocate for the people whose melanin levels are different than his.

Allegedly, of course. Just my personal observation. Nothing more.

But I would opine that If Ken’s hard-on for bashing the Media got any stiffer, the cockroaches that seemingly run his brain, could use it for a chin-up bar. Largely in part, because it’s the right size and dimension for them to do so. I myself, fortunately have no idea what it must be like to have a micro-penii, but I’d assume possessing a wang you could use to sew insignia on a white robe with, has just got to suck overall.

Allegedly, of course. Just my personal observation. Nothing more. But I would be remiss in my duty as a Snark of Great Snarkitude, if I didn’t back up what I’m stating without proof, which as we’ve all come to see is the area where Ken’s light really shines the brightest. And I for one, would hate to encroach on the only thing that he does better than anyone else. Outside of Tucker Carlson, that is

Well, this is… something, I guess. I’m really starting to form the opinion that it’s not the Media that Ken certainly hates, it’s the acronyms that define them. That’s a joke of course, but the real humor to be gleaned here is just how thin Ken’s doll-skin is in regards to what he perceives as their respective political leanings. To quote comedian Stephen Colbert; “It is a well-known fact that reality has liberal bias”, a concept that Ken views in the same way that Superman looks upon a Kryptonite condom.

Sure, it has its use, but keeping it nearby just hurts too damn much.

I do get why he might have an issue or two with the networks that consistently called out the Mango Mansicle he so desperately still pines for, but PBS? Dude… how in Odin’s name could you have any issue with a network that promotes scientific knowledge, appreciation of diverse cultures, and calls for the celebration of humanity? Never mind. I think I just answered my own question. Given his unfounded disdain, I’m starting to wonder if the Muppets should take a restraining order out on Ken, if only to protect Mr. Snuffleupagus.

Staying with the branding of the brain-dead, Ken also posted this gem of polished hypocrisy as well:
Before I gleefully dissect this particularly disingenuous masturbatory fantasy masquerading as commentary, I’d like to first post the thesaural definition of hate, classified as: “intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury”, or as “extreme dislike, disgust, antipathy, or loathing.”

And while some may see this as being the face of hatred:

I’d bluntly suggest that this, the literal personage of a disgruntled vanilla wafer with unfortunate internet access, is the one we should consistently use in its stead::
This picture is so grand in its insipidness, that the only thing that could top it for whiteness, would be if a loaf of bigoted Wonder bread took a selfie, Ooops. My bad. Obviously, one already did.

So, the present level of twisted and unhinged hatred that we’ve all been experiencing, is solely the fault of the aforementioned networks, and nobody else? Imagine that.  Because if I were to look at the current situation, I’d suggest that the responsibility of our said sociopolitical climate could be laid down at the feet of cultural and economic inequality, systematic racism, semi-fascist policing of the citizenry, right-wing propaganda and unfounded conspiracy theories, along with the consistent fear-stoking by the GQP, to name just a few.

But that’s not how Ken sees it, no siree Bob. It’s the scary TV people that are ruining this otherwise great country, and nothing else. Interesting however, that the asses of evil known as FOX, OAN, and the odious ogre known as Newsmax, somehow managed to escape being listed, huh? I’m sure that’s just an accidental oversight, given their track record for stoking the fires of increasing republican fascism, misogyny, Islamophobia, xenophobia, and outright paranoia. I’m sure Ken will get around to editing his meme, right after he gets done ironing his khakis, and polishing his tiki-torch.

Now, if Ken ever reads my collection of scribes focusing on him, he’ll probably take great offense at being accurately labeled as a bigot, and that’s to be expected. As the saying goes: “Racism isn’t a touchy topic, if you’re not a f**king racist”, and I would have to agree. But ol’ Ken I’m sure, would be injurious to with that POV, as he most likely believes that his unsubstantiated bigotry isn’t the result of his being an alleged racist, it’s because his pride in being White is being wrongly misinterpreted.

Naturally, this doesn’t translate as a clarion call to arms for White supremacy at all.

In fact, here’s a beautiful presentation of what Ken believes, taken yet again, directly from his Facebook page. While I may be “blocked” from it, others are not, and I can’t thank them enough for doing the hate harvesting that I require to keep you all so entertained:Damn. I’ve heard of a persecution complex, but never a persecution planet. I’m not sure what color the sky is in the hellish fantasy world that Ken resides in, but if I had to take an educated guess, it’s probably charcoal grey, and rains razor blades wrapped in Colin Kapernick posters. I’ve often made the joke that these drama queens play the victim card so much, that they should carry their own police chalk, but I feel I may need to amend this where Ken’s warped sense of being a target of the liberal mindset is seemingly concerned.

Ken should not only continue to carry his huge bag of pure white (of course) chalk, he should probably add a team of CSI’s to eventually prove one day that his bigoted paranoiac delusions are justified. But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t break down this ode to self-pitying putridness, so let’s rock.

Ken: “I will not apologize for being Caucasian”

Who exactly, has ever asked you to? And at what point, did this supposedly happen? Or is it more accurate to say, that you don’t appreciate the fact that minorities are demanding the same access to the equality and privileges that you take for granted, and are ever so brusquely (for you, anyway) raising these uncomfortable issues to the light? Nah, that couldn’t be it. After all, as always, you’re the victim of cruel fate here, and all because others are biased against you due to your skin tone.

A social disorder I’m sure, that the African-American advocacy groups you fear and despise so much, would know nothing about. Here’s a cookie to ease your pain, champ- you know where I suggest you stuff it.

Ken: “I will not apologize for supporting good cops.”

Nor will you for supporting the bad ones caught on video murdering citizens either, but I’ll be addressing this hypocrisy of yours in some depth, later on.

Ken: “I will not apologize for loving my Asian, Native American, Black American & Hispanic friends.”

Once again, when did any liberal, or rational conservative for that matter, ask you to do this? I’d normally suggest that you’ve been listening to the voices in your head more than you normally do, but the odds are more likely in favor that they’re currently hanging out in the same place where your imaginary friends are, due to their embarrassment of being publicly associated with you.

Ken: “I will not bend my knee for anyone but the Lord.”

And yet, you’ll willingly get down on both, to swallow whatever FOX and Sean Hannity ram down your throat without the benefit of dinner and dancing first? Weird, that. And in reference to the “Lord”, I can only assume you’re name-dropping Jesus, the mythical Son of the mythical God, whose teachings you don’t follow, whose life lessons you never learned, and whose message of providing comfort and understanding to your fellow human, you deliberately ignore.

Not to mention that since there are a multitude of other Gods being worshiped on this planet at present, I’d suggest that you not forget the following truth of :the situation at hand:

Because as your chosen imaginary Lord is supposed to already know, I’d hate for you to be perceived as the hypocrite we all know you to be, so I took the slogan you’re so fond of screeching, and just tweaked it a bit. I really hope you like it as much as I do.

However, there is a question I must ask of you, Ken- if you truly are a Christian, then why is it that a Black man taking a knee to protest police brutality annoys you so much? After all, in this country we have no ;less than 8M Jehovah’s Witnesses who don’t salute the American flag, and 200T Amish, who won’t stand for the National Anthem. But a lone African-American kneels respectfully, and all of a sudden, it’s as if someone gave you an atomic wedgie. Yep. Nothing there to unpack, that’s for certain.

Ken: “I will not be brainwashed by the media.”

This bold assertion of independent thought brought to you by a walking bumper sticker who routinely posts fake “statistics”, disingenuous memes, and cherry-picked conspiracy theories, but I digress. Also, in order to be brainwashed, one must have a brain to begin with, so…  but as an added bonus,, when the zombie apocalypse finally happens, this mental deficiency of yours will actually become a strength for something other than embarrassing your parents on a daily basis. A natural immunity from the walking dead, as well as knowing that if ignorance is truly bliss, you must be Zen 24/7?

I may actually be a tad bit jealous here. No lie.

Ken: ”I will not apologize for believing in the Second Amendment.”

There’s a crowbar separation when it comes to believing in the 2nd, written when muskets were considered to be state of the art at the time, versus now, where any schmuck can lay down more ordinance inside an Arby’s faster than the time it takes somebody to blink. For the record, I’m not anti-gun, I’m anti-frustrated-inced-with-unfettered-access-to-guns, and that’s it. For people who claim not to “live in fear”, as you often do, you guys also seem to be afraid of everything in general, regardless of whether or not a bullet could actually stop it.

If you have more bullets in your home then books, odds are pretty good you shouldn’t be allowed to carry in the first place. But what do I know? Maybe it’s perfectly normal to have a need to strap on a fake dick when you go to get a cup of coffee. After all, you might run into a Black person there, and you don’t want to be caught without firepower if they dare to start kneeling. Or even worse, sit at the table next to yours.

Ken: “I will not apologize for being a God-fearing American.”

Nor should you, as the amusement you’re providing claiming to be one, is pure comedy gold that none of us want to see stop anytime soon. You’re an American very much in the same way that I, a partial amputee, am the principal dancer for the Moscow Ballet. You don’t get to call yourself an American, if you loathe both the forward progress of civil rights and the demographic that so desperately requires them. Just saying.

And “God-fearing”? If your mythical God is love, as his best-selling novel of fiction suggests, then why as a faithful believer, should you ever have to worry about being subjected to his wrath? Oh, that’s right… because at best he’s an absentee landlord, and at worst, a petty murdering sociopath. You know, the kind of role model that everyone should take moral cues from. As I’ve noted before, I have zero issue with Faith, when it’s being used as either a crutch or a shield, but when it’s transparently weaponized to justify one’s personal biases and lack of character, that’s when my claws come out.

And as a heads up Ken, if there truly is a God, I can only wish you good luck as you explain to his celestial face as to why you were perfectly fine with ignoring the decree to be found within John 15:12, which says: “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” I’m sure he’ll totally see your side, what with his tendency to velvet glove all those who don’t follow his vaguely arbitrary list of rules.

On a related note, when he kicks you into Hell, feel free to drop by my condo overlooking the Lake of Fire, as I throw both one hell of a BBQ, and I would love to introduce you to my next-door neighbor, Bob Ross. Just don’t ask him about “happy trees”. He’ll literally talk your head off, and nobody wants that.

Let me if I may, take a moment to recap our tale up to this point thus far. I’ve covered Ken’s obsession with BLM & Antifa in previous outings, noting his unfounded paranoia and bigotry in relation to such, and here, I’ve touched upon his intense dislike of the media that doesn’t share his inane world view. I’ve highlighted his refusal to accept the indisputable fact that whether he likes it or not, America continues to fail in its attempt to acknowledge its inherent racism, and that he’s one of the cogs in its clockwork juggernaut of corrupted jingoism.

And with that, you might think that there could be possibly nothing further to discuss in regards to Ken, but you’d be wrong. While I’ve firmly established his alleged bigotry, and wryly noted his lack of cultural sensitivity, I’d also have to express some form of begrudging admiration that he can literally swallow anything the GQP pushes, as if he were a Republican porn star.

However, that’s the beauty of dealing with someone whose character is what one might consider to be at rock-bottom already… once you’re done sweeping their metaphorical cellar floor, you terrifyingly discover that it has a previously concealed crawlspace.

This is not to suggest that it’s akin in any way, shape, or form to the one that was in John Wayne Gacy’s house, and filled up to the floor beams with the corpses of young men, nor does it share any similarities to mine, which is crowded with not only the remains of karaoke enthusiasts, but those soulless bastards who start filling out a personal check at a grocery store, but only after they’ve been standing in the “cash only” line for the previous ten minutes.

No, I think it’s far more diplomatic of me to submit that when it comes to Ken’s allegorical hidey-hole, the only corpus delicti to be observed will be the cadavers of his flawed conscience. While he arguably may not be 100% responsible for stacking the remains of his logic, humanity, and religious faith in a disused corner as if they were cordwood for the firepit, he most definitely didn’t do a damn thing to keep their demise from becoming imminent, either. And for that, I see no need to cut him any type of slack.

What can I say? A Snark has to have his standards, or all becomes chaos. Chaos, I tell you. But what is the polar opposite of chaos, you ask? Well, that would be Order of course, whether that’s enforced by either by the deliberate enaction of society at large, or stereotypically, under the firm hand and steely gaze of law enforcement’s varying levels. Levels I might add, that are justifiably being put under the microscope these days, much to Ken’s impotent anger.

As you read earlier, Ken proudly boasted that he wouldn’t “apologize for supporting good cops”, not that anybody should ever feel that they have to do so as a rule, but he also won’t go out of his way to condemn bad ones either, and that’s kind of a sticky wicket when one is riding their high-horse on the crumbling ledge of an ivory tower. I’ve called attention to Ken’s hypocrisy regarding his selective soap-boxing in earlier screeds, but the best two examples I can think to repost would be these two shining examples of personal contradiction:
Man, the amount of doublethink required to maintain both of these opinions in tandem, is probably the main reason as to why Ken’s extended warranty on his intellect got cancelled almost immediately. In essence, Ken duly maintains that you should ALWAYS follow a police officer’s commands without question, unless you just so happen to disagree with them, in which case, your eventual arrest is the byproduct of unconditional overreach, and you’re really the one who’s the true victim in this scenario.

Coincidentally, this opinion of his never seems to be applied to African-Americans when they’re in the same situation, but I’m sure that’s only because they obviously have no idea how to do the White thing, pun most definitely intended. In fact, it seems that when it comes to the numerous incidents of police brutality, racial profiling, and outright murder of his fellow citizens at the hands of the cops, Ken has no other POV, save for the fact that the cops are never at fault.

And that, irrelevant of whatever video evidence or eyewitness testimony may be provided as proof that a civil rights violation occurred. Don’t misunderstand me, we’ve all had a moment or two in our lives where we’ve walked on by a situation wearing blinders, but very few of us would go so far as to overdo it and Superglue our eyes shut as an additional precaution against that which makes us uncomfortable.

But since Ken has no sense of reality to begin with, he’ll post intellectual diamonds such as this, where he chides a constitutionally elected lawmaker, who just so happens to be a member of the disproportionally harassed race currently protesting abusive authority, no less. But why exactly, is Ken so upset to begin with? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that he thinks the pursuit of Justice is supposed to stick to the schedule of his own legally warped time-clock:Personally, I would love to hear Ken’s rationalization for the death of Philandro Castle, who was following an officer’s commands when he was murdered by the same in front of his own kid, or that of 12-year-old Tamir Rice, who was murdered as he played in a public park with a toy gun, by an officer who shot him immediately after getting out of his car. And who, BTW, voiced no commands whatsoever, before doing so.

Maybe we should talk about Breonna Taylor, gunned down in her own home, as police were serving an illegally obtained an illegal warrant, under the guise of searching for an individual that they ALREADY HAD in custody? I’m sure his defense will be epic in its scope. Honestly at this point, I’m stunned by Ken’s ability to consistently tie himself into a Gordian’s Knot without his kidneys squirting out his nose.

Also, you just have to love the following totally non-racist advice from the middle-aged White dude that goes: “If the victims would just follow the instructions given by law enforcement they would be alive today. Third, you should be teaching your race the importance of personal accountability to themselves, their family and to society,”

Hmm. Did anyone else notice the Freudian slip peeking out from under Ken’s weekend BBQ robe? He didn’t say “criminals”, or “suspects”, pr even “thugs”. He said “victims”. This seems an odd choice of phrase to enlist, if the individuals who were murdered at the hands of the police were the ones truly at fault, don’t you think?

For the definition of such, is as follows; :“One that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent, one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions, one that is subjected to oppression, hardship, or mistreatment.” By this classification alone, it’s fairly obvious who’s at fault here, and it sure as f**k isn’t the Black people that Ken feels need to hear his condescending concern.

The condescendingly self-righteous counsel of “this means conduct yourself in a professional manner, especially when authority figures are involved”, targeting a demographic that cares not for his opinion nor the open machinations of those who tend to oppress them, is particularly galling as well, if I were to say the very least, as apparently this instruction doesn’t seemingly apply to the person who was arrested for doing the very same thing that Ken said YOU SHOULD NEVER DO,under any circumstances, in his hypocritical posting above.

I wonder exactly White that is. Sorry. I meant to say “why”. Yes. I definitely meant “why”. DEFINITELY THAT, AND NOT THE OTHER THING YET AGAIN. But maybe I’m making too much of his slip of the fingers, because if Ken is known for one thing past being an alleged and hatefully misinformed bigot, it’s his innate ability to come up with viable solutions to society’s ills:

Yup… let’s all try to change the so-called mind of a Blue Lives bootlicker whose access door to it is sealed up tighter than Ebenezer Scrooge’s wallet at a gentlemen’s club during happy hour. While I do agree with the fact that the police should be granted a modicum of esteem, I’d also state that the mantle of Respect is earned, and the one of civility is granted. And in the case of “bad” cops, they don’t deserve the first, and generally test the tensile strength of the second.

However, Ken doesn’t appear to believe that bad cops exist, despite all evidence available for his casual perusal to the contrary. This critique, is reinforced by yet another posting of his, and as usual, just simply reeks with the stench of his hypocritical self-righteous privilege yet again:

This inanity by the way, is brought to you by a person who still supports the criminal mango that is Donald Trump, and as you can see by the two equally as dense comments from two of his ilk, just hammers home how wide a net ignorance can cast. I mean… “Saitenist”? C’mon Walter… you may be far older than the dry-rot that sits in the creased folds of that shrunken apple you call a brain, but you had to have seen “Rosemary’s Baby” when you still remembered how to spell, didn’t you?

And Ken? If a cop deliberately (and cruelly) murders the very people he’s only supposed to arrest, then guess what? He’s no longer a cop, he is in fact, the “lowest of the low”, and there is no distinguishing him from the underclass you are so willfully game to see purposefully mistreated. There’s also the concept of  ‘innocent until proven guilty”, an inconvenient truth that you don’t seem to appreciate much.

It’s widely known as “Due Process”, and serves as a crucial legal protection and cornerstone to that which ensures our citizenry doesn’t get locked up on a whim and a prayer. And it’s supposed to apply to all, regardless of skin tone, personal influence, wealth, or past criminal history. Shockingly, cops aren’t supposed to murder the guilty. But even more relevant? They’re not supposed to slaughter the ones who haven’t been proven to be so, either. You know, because they support the enforcement of our laws, and not the prosecutorial actions resultant against those who break them?

Take for instance, the abominably inhuman death of Minneapolis resident George Floyd, who met his end at the hands of a sadistic piece of Satan’s bacon with a badge, a now unemployed and rightfully convicted sociopath, by the name of Derek Chauvin. Here’s an evidentiary photo of officer Dudley Dowrong at work, engaging in the activity that will hopefully ensure that when he goes to prison, he’ll get passed around like a pack of top-shelf cigarettes:

While Chauvin’s defense team pitifully tried (and subsequently failed) to sell Floyd’s death as “excited delirium”, a debunked theory which conveniently doubles as a liability-neutering excuse, Floyd hardly met the requirements for such a bogus claim to begin with.

He was handcuffed face down on the pavement, with three other officers in proximity, and there was no defensible reason for Chauvin to purposefully (if not coldly) place his knee on Floyd’s neck, as he and the other complicit slabs of Satan’s bacon watched dispassionately as his life was choked out of him, for NINE AND A HALF MINUTES. This occurred unabated, despite pleas from Floyd’ and the gathered crowd, begging Chauvin to stop.

A side note of sorts? If it wasn’t necessary to choke to death the seditionist who in the process of doing so, murdered a cop by bashing in his head with a fire extinguisher, then it sure as f**k wasn’t necessary to do so to a handcuffed suspect, for doing nothing more than allegedly attempting to pass a fake Jackson, Unless of course, you’re emulating the behavior of Jackson himself in regards to how he treated Black people, that is.

At Chauvin’s trial, his defense team feebly asserted that Floyd’s history of drug use and underlying conditions caused his death, and not the effect of having his neck compressed, Unfortunately for their shift the blame game, two separate autopsies, one conducted by the Hennepin County Medical Examiner, and the other by a private medical examiner hired by Floyd’s family, mutually agreed that Floyd’s passing was due to an act of homicide, meaning his death came at the hands of Derek Chauvin, and was not, I repeat NOT, due to his heart condition and prior drug use.

Sorry Kenny. I know how much you had your heart set on wanting to be able to pin it on the Black guy, but I’m afraid, that much like your sex life, you came up short in the dark, yet again.

However, the opinion of respected and qualified professionals that eventually led to Chauvin’s conviction, and which was based on the autopsies and the videotaped evidence showing the murder, doesn’t mean squat to a Trump fetishizing troglodyte like Ken, and he’s definitely not afraid to say so, when given the merest of opportunities to do so, once again utilizing the platform of the social media giant he claimed he was going to leave months ago,

That is, until he realized that outside of his like-minded bubble, he would have zero relevance. For let’s face it, being just another middle-aged intellectually impotent ignoramus that posts inane offal like this, hardly qualifies you as a brave maverick, even among your own willing-to-worship-a-turnip kind:

Well. That settles it. Kenbot here, was once seated for two days in a jury for a civil suit, which as we all know from watching reruns of Law & Order episodes, is so similar to one involving an abuse of authority leading to an unjust death (AKA: a murder) that one could easily be misconstrued for the other. If Ken views sexual congress in the same way that he does the law, I can only assume that his girlfriend sports a whole bunch of bruises around her belly-button after he performs his dismount.

We can just ignore the testimony of eyewitnesses who were at the scene, the medical evidence presented by the multiple qualified specialists within their respective fields, and most certainly, we can jettison the cellphone camera footage that SHOWED THE MURDER AS IT HAPPENED. Because after all, that officer just had to be in fear for his life, right? Sure, there were three other officers there, and the victim was both face down and handcuffed as well, but I’m sure Chauvin was justified in feeling that he, and not Floyd, was the one closest to fading into fatality.

Remember boys and girls, when it comes to the issue of cops murdering African-Americans, you really can’t trust your eyes, so much as you can the people who investigate themselves, now can you?

I won’t speak for you, but if I ever thought for even one second, that the handcuffed man on whose neck that I currently had my knee on, posed a serious and direct threat to my personal safety, I’d make damn sure that my hands weren’t jammed in my pockets as Chauvin’s were, as seen in the captured video. It seems to me, that if you were facing a risk of a physical attack, it’d be a good idea to have the two tools you’d require the most to stave if off, somewhat unencumbered. But maybe that’s just me.

Ken however, seemingly thinks that incontrovertible evidence is not so, and that the “real” reason Chauvin was convicted was due to an outside influence, because… of course it must. It’s one thing to claim and with some accuracy I might add, that the jurors already had their minds made up, due mostly to the due to the overwhelming evidence that painted Chauvin (correctly) as guilty, but as always for Ken, reality itself has to find itself altered, because… of course it must:Sorry you feel that way Tucker. But as the cops like to say; “You fit the description.” And referring toi one being held accountable for their actions as “lynching”? When you get hung from a tree for trying to vote, or for looking the wrong way at a White woman, then you’ll have the right to say such bulls**it with a straight face. Until then, seriously shut the f**k up, you suit wearing pig sphincter.

 The thought that all that goes against your core beliefs, must be a conspiracy, serves as a comforting salve to those who have no f**king clue as to how things actually work, but I digress. Ken has forgotten one of the foundational truths in order to validate his bigoted ignorance, and that is this: that which can be asserted without evidence, can also be dismissed without evidence. Funny how that works. So, what, or who to be more specific, does Ken hold responsible for the verdict that he claimed denied Justice its due?

Would we, or should we, expect anything less from this walking pile of acerbically asinine tapioca than laying the “blame’ on his favorite go-to boogeyman? I say nay. Nay, I say:

As I said earlier; “that which can be asserted without evidence, can also be dismissed without evidence”, and when it comes to being disingenuous, Ken approaches the act as if he were competing in the 1936 Summer Olympics. Sadly, when his intellectual resolve is tested, he tends to be a “short pole, no vault” kind of guy, as my late Oma was fond of saying.

This in itself is not startling by any means, as alleged bigots aren’t exactly renowned for their ability to carve out a niche regarding critical thinking, but mythical Jesus Christ, if Ken gets any more paranoiac about them there uppity Black people that he obsesses over as if if they all dumped him the night of the prom, we’re going to have to take away his car keys, the sharp and/or stabby objects in his trailer, and the remote control for his FOX-tuned TV.

The end result of this delusional putridness also leads to what I refer to as a supreme example of “creative omission”, where one presents a counter-argument so-called, by interlacing threads of truth within a quilt comprised of falsehoods. A prime example of this technique, would be the mentioning that African-Americans encompass a majority of America’s prison population, while ignoring the economic, educational, and the systematically racist inequalities that helped place them there to begin with.

I will say this as simply as I can without the aid of hand-puppets, Ken- the scary African-Americans are not, I repeat, NOT, coming to “burn down” your neighborhood, your workplace, or your coffee shop, so relax, you mental midget. For hopefully the last time, Black Lives Matter is not an anti-white movement, because (GASP!) it has nothing to do with you, despite your rather extensive and obvious bigotry.

Forearmed with this credible knowledge, as well as the ability to use it efficiently, let’s all take a gander at Ken’s attempt to weave half-truths into a fraudulent tapestry, and discover together what happens when an alleged bigot and the information that Google proves with actual facts, are still on a break:Score one for Ken! He actually managed to get this right… sort of. Turning to his battered copy of the dog-eared right-wing playbook, page twelve, paragraph three, if memory serves. The standard ploy is that which is inaccurate is disseminated, but the rest, of the relevant story is deliberately excised in the manner of a cancerous tumor, so that it may stand free on its feet of clay, as if it were a misguided Golem, seeking out a good Reuben.

For me to say this statement was obsessively cherry-picked to strengthen Ken’s flawed take, would be almost a supreme insult to the act itself.

To clarify, Lisa Christensen, the person that Ken is referencing, did not have any part in the final verdict as she was an alternate juror, but did divulge to journalist Jamie Yuccas on “CBS This Morning,” that; “I was worried about, you know, whatever the verdict may be if some people felt strongly on one side, other people felt strongly on the other side. So, no matter what, I felt like somebody wasn’t going to be happy,”

Now, if one takes that statement at face value with no further context, it does seem a damning indictment that most certainly bolsters Ken’s paranoid fever dream, does it not? I can only begin to imagine the level of self-pleasuring Ken must have engaged in after hearing that snippet, which to be fair, might be the sole reason why he missed the rest of her commentary that followed, because there ain’t enough blood in the male body to make both heads operate smoothly at the same time.

Continuing, she went on to say: “I felt he was guilty. They read the jury instructions to us in the courtroom briefly, but I didn’t know it was going to be guilty on all counts but I would have said guilty,”

In response to Yucca’s query of “Why did you think he was guilty? What led you to that belief?”, Christensen replied; “I just felt like the prosecution made a really good, strong argument. Dr. Tobin was the one that really did it for me. He explained everything. I understood it down to where he said this is the moment that he lost his life, really got to me,”

Regarding both the cellphone video that showed the cruelty involved in Floyd’s death as well as the bystander Darnella Frazier, who filmed it, Christensen noted; “I really felt that she felt guilty for not doing more and she feels responsible in a way, and I feel really bad for her. But I commend her on taking the video because, without her, I don’t think this would have been possible,” “It was emotional. I think my eyes teared up a couple of times, so especially seeing it from different angles and things,”

Despite Christensen’s feeling of personal discomfort being within the sighted proximity of Chauvin, her impression of him was thus: “I felt like he was the leader, and the other officers were following his lead. I kind of felt like he wasn’t taking the warnings seriously, obviously, kind of like I know what I’m doing,”

After the main jury pool were sent to deliberate Chauvin’s guilt or innocence. Christensen, along with another alternate juror was discharged, her civic duty obligation fulfilled. After more than 10 hours of debate spread over the course of two days, Chauvin was found guilty on three charges: second-degree murder, third-degree murder, and manslaughter, after which, his bond was revoked and he was placed immediately into custody.

In theory, Chauvin could spend decades in jail, as in Minnesota, second-degree murder can carry a maximum sentence of up to 40 years in prison. Third-degree up to 25 years, and second-degree manslaughter, up to 10. And if Justice is truly served, as it should be, that would be a total of 75 years, if served back-to-back, which let’s be honest, is obviously not going to happen,

But irrespective of how many years this murdering bacon-bitch receives in the end, I hold out hope that the next time he sees the sun, it’ll be when his relatives carry him out past the prison gates, secured within the confines of a crematoria urn. Ken may possibly be the only person on this f**ked up ball of space-dust and granite that can watch a video of a fellow human being getting murdered by a sworn officer of the law, and express the concern that hopefully, said cop didn’t get any of the victim’s blood on his shoes as he did it.

The reprehensible murder of George Floyd is in no way, shape, or form, a “wake-up call”. The damn alarm clock has been going off in this country since it was founded, and those like Ken, prefer to just keep hitting the snooze button ham-handedly, versus doing something about it, like unplugging the clock from its damn power supply.

I’ve said it before. I will most likely have to say it again. I don’t know what the f**k your particular problem is Ken, but I’m fairly certain it’s hard to pronounce. However, I’d also have to assume you couldn’t enunciate it clearly to me either, given the fact that your mouth is seemingly always chomping down on a pack of these:Wow. I’m currently up to 11K+ words, and I could literally write another 11K+, without breaking a sweat, given the never-ending void that passes for Ken’s limited intellect, However, I’m also starting to notice that whenever I get a new batch of Ken’s screen-grabbed assertions from a carefully chosen few of his FB “friends”, a miasma of pure malevolent toxicity slowly starts visibly forming over my trusty IBM Thinkpad, because even it knows the depth of the cesspool I’m about to go skinny-dipping in.

Metaphorically, of course, thank Odin. Although to be quite honest, swimming in a cesspool would probably be a welcome break from what feels like continuous wading through the ostensibly overflowing swine lagoon that’s exists within whatever mental aberration assumes itself to be Ken’s humanity analog.

I do have a great deal of sympathy for Ken though, believe it or not, as it must be a real bitch being able to only see three colors, that being Black, White, and Blue. Not to mention, the qualities he willingly ascribes to each, are either so far beyond the pale of rationality, or so abominably dense, that I almost feel compelled to give him both a puppy and a bowl of homemade chicken soup.

Please note that I said “almost” For while I happen to be rather emphatic in regards to showing less intelligent creatures a measure of mercy every now and then, I tend to draw a definitive line in the bland when the same creatures repeatedly keep getting their leg caught in an obvious snare trap. If one of your two kids keeps sticking his tongue into a light socket, and the other doesn’t… well, you know which one’s going to an Ivy league college, and who’s going to wind up attending DeVry.  

Or even worse, emerge as Ken’s personal hero, a twice-impeached, thrice-married, adulterous, porn-star-paying, lying, cowardly, treasonous, fraudulent man-child glaring from behind a desk, because nobody likes you. And that not only includes the world, your country, and your hometown, but your wife and kids as well. So the message here is stay in school, and make sure to study Benford’s Law, because it’s the literal key to the universe.

And just like this boiled ham in a wig that he still admires, Ken allegedly shares the same accord to engage in the most vulgar of implied slurs apropos to race relations, as well as not possessing the simplest of grasps on the sub-textual when it comes to semantics. Case in point? Ken’s deliberate misunderstanding of what the slogan and movement of “Defund the Police” actually means on its face:No, Ken. I don’t have the “guts” to share this moronic misunderstanding of yours all over on Facebook, because unlike yours, mine actually know what “defund the police’ truly means.

Sure, despite the reality that your deposed and now currently depressed, Mango Mussolini once publicly said that; “We won’t be defunding our police. There won’t be dismantling of our police. There’s not going to be any disbanding of our police”, the awkward fact remains that this apocalyptic scenario foisted by Herr Twitler and his GQP enablers, is not only utterly insane, but demonstrably untrue to boot.

To clarify that which Ken once again, dares not research, because it would reduce his stockpile of memes which he uses to cover his inability to debate using facts, I present the definition of a good concept, even if it is indeed, truly worded badly: “Defund the police” means nothing more than reallocating or redirecting targeted funding elements away from outfitting police with gear more akin  to that of Seal Team Six, and using it to underwrite programs that are designed to better serve the local community. Such as mental crisis counselors, for instance, as not every call requires an armed response.

And that’s all of it, presented in the simplest of nutshells, no less. It does not, on any f**king level, call for the abolishment of the police, nor has it ever been a demand for reducing the pay and benefits of said officers, either. I have to admit, for however long it’ll be that I get to live, I’ll probably never understand exactly how a person like Ken can spend so much time online, and yet, never set aside any of it, to do the merest of credible research.

 If he ever did, he might even win the occasional argument using actual facts to do so, every now and then. Granted, it could be also reasonably debated that I’ve spent way too much time downloading images of Milla Jovovich wearing thigh boots, but heck… even I still found the time to investigate the intricacies of the ACA in between pondering how she’d look in a Wonder Woman outfit.

Seriously Ken, you’re supposed to be a red-blooded American male- if you can’t cruise the web using only one hand, you should either turn in your man card, or watch the Phoebe Cates pool scene from the 80’s classic “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”, until you get your rhythm down.

You know which one I’m talking about. And I can guarantee, it’s a far better fantasy to obsess over, than the ones you’re currently having involving BLM. I will happily be the first to point out that the term “defunding” is an unfortunate flash point, but it’s also pointedly accurate for me to say as well, that if somebody truly wants to know what this movement regarding the demilitarization of the police is all about, Google and the information it can offer up, is no more than a few clicks away.

Therein however, lies the rub- no matter what the issue is, the person who’s either for it, or diametrically opposed against it, still must feel the need to educate themselves in regards to it, and those like Ken who blissfully exist inside a bubble amalgamated from ignorance and hubris, are never going to do so. After all, nothing upsets a bigoted Utopian gated community half as much as the graffiti of Truth does.

When it gets right to the cream filling of the perfectly chilled Ding Dong, the personal dedication to this sort of willful ignorance is kind of impressive, given the ease with which someone can choose to educate themselves. Knowing that this assessment is true, why would anyone make the conscious choice to fearfully wallow, as they strive to foster an unfamiliarity with reality in this, the Age of Accessible Information?

To what benefit does it serve to be proud of your intellectual illiteracy and outright loathing for that which should bind us in unity, but tragically, only serves to fuel those who despise all that they refuse to understand? Des it give you a sense of the power you currently don’t, and never will, have? Does it replace the love, intimacy, and prestige your life lacks? These are serious questions by the way, and I already know that you won’t (or to be more precise, can’t) answer, even if your life depended on it. Which when given grave thought, it kind of does.

I’ve always believed that when you shuffle off this mortal coil, the people who attend your funeral should uniformly be wearing black, and crying their eyes out, as they grieve your passing. If however, they’re tailgating with BBQ and beer kegs in the parking lot of the cemetery waving giant cardboard-cut-out middle fingers in the direction of your newly dug grave, odds are probably pretty good that your presence won’t be missed.                             In the end, Ted finally did get the Last Word concerning Aunt Karen, after all.            

Nonetheless, this continual back and forth that I, and many others, find ourselves engaging in with people who would disastrously lose a battle of wits against a rice cake, reminds me of an exchange from Christopher Nolan’s Batman movie, “The Dark Knight”, which occurs between the heroic alter-ego of billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne, and the iconic super-villain known as the Joker, delivered with a sense of ironic joy, as he hangs upside down, off the side of a building:

Joker: “You. You just couldn’t let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren’t you? Huh? You won’t kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won’t kill you because you’re just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.”

BATMAN: “You’ll be in a padded cell forever.”

Joker: “Maybe we could share one. You know, they’ll be doubling up the rate this city’s inhabitants are losing their minds”.

BATMAN: “This city just showed you that it’s full of people ready to believe in good.”

Joker: “Until their spirit breaks completely. Until they get a good look at the real Harvey Dent, and all the heroic things he’s done. You didn’t think I’d risk losing the battle for Gotham’s soul in a fist fight with you. No. You need an ace in the hole. Mine’s Harvey.”

BATMAN: “What did you do?”

Joker: “I took Gotham’s white knight and I brought him down to our level. It wasn’t hard. You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push.”

In Ken’s case, I don’t think it was so much a “push’ that steered him towards his particularly vile form of madness, as it was a gleeful hop, skip, and jump. For him to fully embrace an ideology better suited to fascism, and its cadre of obedient and lowly curs, required nothing more than willing compliance, and a predisposition to jump-starting a previously in-check sense of inane intolerance. Shockingly, when one lays down with the dogs of racism, they shouldn’t be at all surprised when they wake up with fleas the size of doorknobs.

Glass houses built on foundations of racist quicksand, and all that jazz.

Nevertheless, there’s a reason why I referenced the Dark Knight-, and it’s not just because it’s a great movie with a standout performance by Heath Ledger as Gotham’s eternal Clown Prince of Crime. It’s also because it inadvertently calls out the immovable object that America, if not the world, will always have to contend with, that being, the proliferation of willful ignorance.

There is possibly no stronger force on Earth than the will of someone who feels that they are being involuntarily forced to give up their preconceived notions, especially if they’re founded in a belief, rather than on evidentiary proof.

Backing up my POV, I present yet another interaction from earlier in the film, this one happening between our soon-to-be-fallen hero Harvey Dent, and the always-a-step-ahead Joker, where he wryly observes that: ”It’s the schemers who put you where you are. You were a schemer. You had plans. Look where it got you. I just did what I do best- I took your plan, and I turned it on itself. Look what I’ve done with this city and a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets.

Nobody panics when the expected people get killed. Nobody panics when things go according to plan, even if the plan is horrifying. If I tell the press that tomorrow, a gangbanger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics. Because it’s all part of the plan. But when I say that one little old mayor will die, everybody loses their minds. Introduce a little anarchy, you upset the established order and everything becomes chaos.

I’m an agent of chaos. And you know the thing about chaos, Harvey? It’s fair.”

See, we as Americans, have come to expect a fair amount of the people within a certain segment of our society, to be nuttier than Marjorie Taylor Greene giving a speech concerning Dr, Seuss. It is after all, “part of the plan”, but nobody, save outside Nostradamus himself, could ever have foreseen the influential reach of the lunacy we’ve been subjected to over the last five years. And we, just as our grease-paint clad antihero noted; “are destined to do this forever”, if the current trend of personal idiocy continues.

And make no mistake, my loyal readers, the base of GQP enablers and their disciples who are most responsible for the wave of anti-everything-humanistic currently eroding the soul of this country, are unquestionably, just waiting in the wings to launch scheme after scheme, as a means to regain their grasp on unchecked and of utmost importance, wholly corrupted power.   

In retrospect, Ken’s paranoia-fueled masturbatory fantasies regarding the “war” on cops, White culture, society, religion, the 2nd Amendment, free speech, honest media, the American judicial system, and the flammability of our inner cities, seems almost quaint by comparison, given the fact that there’s people out there who truly believe that a cabal of Satan-worshiping pedophiles who, while openly engaging in baby-centric cannibalism, also serve as overseers of a world-wide child sex-trafficking ring,

One that has a division being run out of a pizza shop’s basement, and by Hillary Clinton, no less,

In addition, they also found the time somehow, to foment a plot against former U.S. president Donald Trump while he was in office. You know, the adulterous, pu**y-grabbing, pornstar paying, treasonous, seditionist disgraced President with one of the lowest rates of sex trafficking prosecutions in recent history, who also has intimate personal and business ties to no less than five well-known pedophiles?

Sigh. It’s stuff like this that makes me wish Jewish Space Lasers were actually a real thing.

While Ken’s bigotry is a very palpable thing, the rest of his false narrative is certainly not, and neither is his sense of patriotism, his so-called Christian faith, or his concerns for those who just so happen to be outside his immediate Klan. Sorry… I meant to say “clan”.

YES… DEFINITELY THAT, AND NOT THE OTHER THING, ONCE MORE. Damn these klumsy fingers of mine.

My late Oma was fond of saying that some people’s only purpose on this planet was to remind us all what not to ever be, and in regards to that characteristic, I now feel that if she ever met Ken, he’d easily make the cut for her top three of whom not to emulate, although to be fair, I never understood why Mr. Rogers was ever on that list to begin with. My only guess would have to focus on his love of cardigan sweaters and hanging out with creepy puppets.

Who knows? Maybe I should have asked some questions, when I had the chance to do so.

Asking questions. It’s what we all should do if something that confuses or challenges us, flies across our radar, but to do so with an open and curious mind, especially right from the start, if you suffer from the lack of one. is too much of a trial for some. Ken being a prime example of this affliction, as we’ve come to discover through his dedicated approach to showing us all exactly why, some people go on to college, and others, shouldn’t be allowed to own shoes with laces.

He believes that you should always follow the orders of the police, “you” pf course, referring to Black people, alone. He believes that BLM is a terrorist group, yet ignores the very real threat of White Supremacy, when he’s not using their coded buzzwords, that is. He doesn’t support “bad’ cops, and the moment that he actually happens to see one, he’ll prove it. And no, he doesn’t need to watch your video, because it couldn’t possibly be the cop’s fault as to what happened.

He believes that “All Lives Matter”, but doesn’t ever want to talk about the Black ones. Wearing a mask is assign of personal weakness, but being afraid to wear one is personal strength of the highest caliber. He believes that all the media networks that tell him what he doesn’t want to know or hear preach “hate”, but the ones that artificially inflate his flaccid intellect are above reproach. He will “not apologize’ for things nobody asked him to apologize for, but rest assured, he would never condescend to grant the same courtesy to others.

He believes that “Justice wasn’t served” in the trial of Derek Chauvin, because the jurors dared to use their eyes to watch a murder caught on camera, and their ears to listen to the testimony of eyewitnesses and qualified professionals that proved beyond a shadow of doubt that it indeed was. And worse of all, their actions refuse to support his certainty that they should have found the Black guilty of being Black in America, which for our resident Captain Caucasian, is the worst offense of all.

He happily licks so many authoritarian boots, it’s a wonder that he doesn’t leave behind a pair of slip-on loafers every time he uses the bathroom. And when it comes to taking away the military toys and tactics that the police do not require nor deserve, he‘s of the mindset that certainly, it must be a Liberal plot to abolish the police entirely, rather than return them to the origin of their specifically intended charter.

For him, the world entire, presents as a highly infuriating, if not wholly terrifying Dystopia, and for that, I am truly sympathetic to his plight, even if he self-feeds this delusion as if it were Iggy Pop set loose and unchaperoned, in 1970’s Amsterdam. Sadly, I can offer no panacea for Ken’s issues, save for the recommendation that he undertake a personal voyage in educating himself out of his paranoiac inclinations, but we all know he’ll never be able to do that.

Not because he’s unable to, but because he hasn’t truly hit rock-bottom yet. And given his opinions, it’s fairly obvious that his version of rock-bottom still has a sub-basement (or two) underneath it.

“What a sad era when it is easier to smash an atom than a prejudice.” – Albert Einstein








Motor Mouth. (A Tale of a few Twitties)

“No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.” – P.J. O’Rourke

Hello Bitchiteers!

It is yet another gorgeous day out here in the high deserts of New Mexico. The sun is shining, the clouds look like cotton candy lazily hanging in the sky, and the local crows are just sitting around in a murder, contemplating just how their festive gatherings got such a bummer of a moniker. My guess? It’s all due to an envious group of socially-awkward sparrows, who decided to take things into their own wings, and enact their eternal revenge:

Speaking of “revenge”, it’s a topic that keeps popping up more often as of late, due to the fact I’m garnering quite the acidic reputation among the local interweb as being “that guy”, the definition of such, is that I’m an annoying Libtard / SoyBoy / Communist / Satanist / Know-it-all that dares to (GASP!!!) engage in political and cultural debate, while brazenly using irrefutable data to defend my position. I know… it’s most definitively a desperate power-move straight out of the playbook of a Machiavellian bastard, to be sure.

As I’ve previously written in other screeds, the sometimes end result of this apoplectic anger spewed forth by the most cravenly of conservatives, can range from keyboard insults, overly saturated with passive-aggressiveness and slurred between clenched fingers, to outright threats of physical violence, metaphorically deep-fried in the most bitter remnants of testosterone, and powdered with brazenness that can only come from hiding behind their mommy’s keyboard and a fake social media profile.

Entertainingly, while most of these threats come from people who think that they, and more pitifully, their effort, presents to myself, along with the digital world entire, as this:

In actuality however, anyone who reads their impotent insults and views their faux chest-thumping online posts with a functioning adult intellect, generally walks away thinking this:

Adding weight to this universally accepted assessment, is the knowledge that the majority of said “threats” are usually of an intellectual caliber akin to that of a toddler having a meltdown, and therefore, are fairly easy to mock, as I so jovially did here in my rejoinder to this twat of tenacity;Some people might read this declaration that adds credence to Danny’s family alleged adherence to perfecting their inbreeding, and sadly come to the logical conclusion that civility within our grand society is dead, but I know better. It’s more likely hiding in a bedroom closet, as if it were an oversexed teenager in an 80’s slasher movie, trying to make it to the vaunted and far-too-quickly-made sequel. But rest assured, the call IS coming from inside the house, and because a Conservative is the individual tasked with making it, you just know that it’s going to be one that’s collect.

To clarify as I’ve often had to do before, I have no issues with others having an opinion contrary to mine, as long as that opinion is backed up with credible evidence. Proven fact. Statistically sound data. In other words, an intellectual position of strength that doesn’t rely on the inclusion of angels, demons, the Bible, QAnon-derived conspiracy theories, bumper sticker ideology, or a rumor that was read off a website with the word “Patriot” to be found anywhere within its address or descriptive bio.

Especially when I find myself repeatedly dealing with a cravenly cross-section of persons who collectively, think that they possess this level of cunning villainous genius in regards to their ability to successfully debate the issues of the day;

Versus the one that they actually do:

Although when looking at it in retrospect, Megamind’s late-night claim at the Metro Man memorial during a moment of introspective career-inspired grief, that he never fully realized his evil plans regarding Robo-Sheep and the Illiteracy Beam, seems highly suspect now, given how many Americans still support a deposed Fanta Fascist, and the inherent difficulty most seemingly have differentiating between “your” and “you’re”, as well as “there”, “they’re”, and “their”, if I were to float so bold a theory: 
If you’ll allow me the opportunity, I think I’ll have to amend my comparison twixt the two, as in the end, Megamind is actually quite innovative for a blue-skinned alien refugee who’s best and only friend is an overly loyal space-fish wearing a robo-gorilla suit, and assert that the majority of intellectual voids I traverse in my day-to-day dealings are probably more akin to this guy, than anybody else:
Eggsactly right.

In addition, if you were to take into account the last three minutes that unfolded before I started writing that last joke, you’d perfectly understand exactly what I’m talking about here. For as I entered my Kingdom of The Round Table today, located within the Little Toad Creek Brewery and Distilling Company, (AKA: my office away from the office) my inner monologue of future pixelated thoughts to be constructed was interrupted by an obnoxiously uninformed voice from the table next to mine, housed in the physical countenance of what I can only charitably describe as a male free-range lummox.

Bearing a strong resemblance to Spiderman’s editorial nemesis,Jonah Jameson, undergoing undergoing a sandpaper glove colonoscopy, but without the benefit of anesthesia, this oxygen-wasting example of what happens when a Duplo block sheathed in purloined human skin forcibly mates with a dime-store knockoff of a tube of Just for Men, was having a “private” conversation about New Mexico’s newly energized initiative of permanently putting to bed as it were, the oft controversial issue regarding Marijuana legalization within our bucolic state:

And darn if he didn’t have an idea or two about it, factual information concerning the topic, be damned to Heck. I won’t speak for any of you, but I find myself all shades of enthralled when someone who clearly doesn’t what the f**k they’re talking about, feels the need to stand on a stage comprised of their empty personal-use boxes of Viagra and Vaseline, as they regal us, the chosen lucky few, with a stunningly unaware passion play showcasing just what depths of personal ignorance one can achieve.

But there we all were, a wholly uninterested captive audience for a man who had a stick shoved so far up his tight angry white-man ass, we could’ve used him as either a maypole or a cell-phone tower.   

You know. Depending on our needs at that time, and all that.

Normally, I wouldn’t find myself interjecting myself into what was a clearly defined private conversation, but this was so not that. No, this was one of those private conversations that its primary contributor wanted, nay, needed, everyone within earshot of his arrogant idiocy to hear in its entirety, even if all we, meaning me, wanted out of life at that moment, was to have some quiet time alone with our giant pretzel, as we, once again meaning I, rocked out to Audioslave. Is that too much to ask in a town where everybody normally doesn’t inflict themselves upon you?

Apparently it was, so after five of the longest minutes of my life listening to this human analog for a “Just Say No” after-school special, vomit inaccuracies in relation to the subject whose study notes for its test he most certainly cribbed from the 1936 anti-marijuana propaganda  film  “Reefer Madness”, I asked the simplest of questions: “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the difference between getting behind the wheel altered on weed, versus doing so after a four-beer lunch?”

Two things at that point became perfectly crystalline clear. One, he indeed DID mind, and that, quite a bit, and two: I really should have counted the empty beer glasses that were laid out in front of his now decimated liquid lunch. Coincidentally, or maybe not, because the Universe has a f**ked-up sense of humor, that number just happened to be, you guessed it… four. I’m starting to think that I need to hire a team of advance scouts to survey the conversational landscape before I wander into the chat, even if I am armed to the teeth with actual evidence first,

That’s the beauty of snark-based hindsight. It’s always 20/20. And always far too late to ever be useful in the crucial short-term. Given this unintentional faux pas on my part, he could have responded to my query in a number of ways, the first clearly being a fact-based dissertation as to why he had formed the opinion he had, as we’d all like to think we would in kind, if such an inquiry had been asked of us:

Naturally, rather than take that far more reasonable path of intellectualism, he opted to go with his mid-priced beer and middle-aged paunch, versus using what I can only safely assume at this point, is a pickled cabbage pulling double duty as his brain. After I was nice enough to directly point out that he literally knew nothing about what he was talking about, the main focus of my retort centering on his insistence of inaccurately describing what being “baked” was like.

This, despite the willing admission that not only had he himself had never been high himself, he had also never dealt with anyone who was, either. Nevertheless, when this discrepancy of evidentiary experience was pointed out, he responded with a common vulgarity regarding my observation, because as is often the case for those whose entire vocabulary rhymes with “duck” and variations thereof, answering like a person is quite the mental marathon, even on the best of days… or so I’ve come to surmise.

It would have been fairly easy for me to ignore his crudity outright or even respond to it in kind, and I’m certain that in doing so, I would have been justified, but I’ve found it’s far more entertaining if not personally satisfying, to take the somewhat higher road of snarkiness instead. Note that I said, “somewhat”, as you’re never going to win any meritorious battle by being mistaken for Mr. Rogers incarnate. And while this approach may work for some, it has always been at best, a zero-sum endgame for me.

So, as I proceeded to set up my ever trusty IBM Thinkpad, I ever so kindly thanked him for reminding me exactly why I don’t really miss Phoenix that much, noting that his idiocy and intellectual immaturity was perfectly in line with what my former stomping ground has allowed itself to become. His response?

Well, let’s just say it wasn’t really that much of a retort, as much as it was a confirmation of his inability to think and blink at the same time: “Well, there’s a road out front, if you don’t like what I said, you can always leave, so there you go.”

To which I replied: And you could easily do some research and educate yourself, but sadly, that sort of information usually isn’t published in the form of a pop-up book, so there we are.”

And some of you have the nerve to dare suggest that I’m not a people person? Honestly, I have no indications as to where any of you got that idea. I don’t know how many of you have ever heard the maxim: “If looks could kill”, but at that moment, I don’t believe I’ve ever personally witnessed a better example of it in my life, as his eyes were throwing so many daggers my way, that I felt like I was starring in the reboot of “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”, as directed by Quentin Tarantino:

Fortunately for both of us, glaring was seemingly the only defense against witty quips that he possessed, which given my limited physical ability and the brittleness of that stick shoved sideways up his ass, helped keep the situation from boiling over into what would be classified eventually as middle-aged white guy hip-shattering violence.

In the end, all’s well that ends well, as his two long-suffering friends who were with him, quietly paid their tab, and split the scene, taking their boozy bloviating blowhard with them, much to the delight of myself, and anyone else who had been  privy to his earlier inanity.

As a rule, I generally don’t advocate that people do drugs recreationally, due to the damage I’ve seen them cause in those who have addictive personalities, but when it comes to this guy, not only would I suggest he invest in an ice-bong chock full of some prime Laughing Buddha, I’d go one step further and state outright that some of his spare income go towards purchasing a pair of top-shelf pliers to pull that giant bug out of his ass as well.

Speaking of things that definitively need to be extricated for the benefit of the individual, if not for society itself, ladies and gentlemen, may I present the Silver City DMV, which is referred to by the locals in my town as the place where you seek employment when being a door greeter at Walmart is just too intellectually challenging for you.

This administrative morass, whose motto should be “Gib alle Hoffnung auf, die du hier eintrittst”, or for those who don’t speak German, “Abandon all Hope, ye who enter here”, is literally the perfect embodiment of all that’s incompetent, overly bureaucratic, unprofessional, and dare I say it, wholly antithetical, in regards to how the rest of my small town generally operates.

Located in a nondescript building that from the outside, looks like a gift shop you would go out of your way to avoid at all costs, it currently houses a collection of office workers so woodenly dense, that termites gaze upon them with exactly the same amount of unbridled lust that I as a 14-year-old, used to exhibit every time I saw an Elle McPherson poster,

But seriously… can you blame me?

When I first moved to New Mexico, I had all sorts of new resident minutiae to deal with, ranging from setting up bank accounts, changing my mailing address, and finding new doctors for my ongoing medical care. All the stuff they never told us in High School that we’d get to do as fully functioning adults. And now we know why… because it’s just too much fun to be had by any one person, let me tell you.

Pointless paperwork? Love it! Bloated bureaucracy? Yes, please! The opportunity to engage with secretarial sociopaths? Good mythical God, it’s like Christmas came early, and I got everything on my list. And that includes the Barbie Home Taxidermy Playset. However, I still have to provide my own cat, so I guess there is a downside after all.

Nevertheless, when it comes to scaling the Pinnacle of All That Is Joyous, nothing on this f**ked-up amalgamation of space-dust, oxygen, silicon, aluminum, calcium, sodium, potassium, and magnesium, sitting atop a semi-solid nickel-iron alloy, comes even remotely close to interacting with the seemingly untrained and mismanaged staff at this Malebolge of living Beige, lifted straight out of Dante’s Inferno.

Like most government offices that serve the general public, the interior of this Bayer aspirin tablet turned workplace, which just so happens to be staffed by people with the personality of one, is strictly utilitarian, and boasts the standard compliment of informational posters, bored customers, and the standard compliment of countertop-to-ceiling bullet-resistant Plexiglas.

Before I was forced to spend a considerable amount of my free time as an adult in one of these soul-sucking cesspools, I always assumed that such security measures were set in place due to the sensitive personal information that agencies like this have access to, as well as the residual income they tend to generate as well. That opinion has changed, as I now feel that barrier is in place to protect the employees from the valid consequences they’d face if the customers they continually fail to treat with courteous professionalism, were ever granted the permission to lay their hands on them, albeit for the merest of moments.

To be clear, in no way, shape or form, am I openly suggesting any form of violence against any essentially useless governmental employee, irrespective of how personally satisfying it might be to strap one of these human doorstops into a Gulliver-sized trebuchet and aim at the Sun, but if such actions were indeed legal and morally ethical, I’d most likely be the guy in the parking lot selling the T-shirts and coffee mugs commemorating the blessed event and related holiday.

And where I once defended those at the DMV as being overworked and underappreciated, akin to this charmingly adorable, if somewhat physically leisurely, fellow;

I have to unabashedly admit, and with the same sense of openness, that after dealing with Silver City’s vacuous variant, my current take on those formerly noble working-class heroes is more in line with this particularly harsh, and as I see it, far more accurate assessment:

As to why I currently hold this opinion deep-fried in acidic contempt and powdered with the sweetest of sugared venom, the answer is quite simple; I hate, despise, loathe, resent, abhor, and utterly disdain, personal incompetence. Mix that in with just how much I enjoy being on the receiving end of an arrogant power-trip delivered by a person who will eventually be eaten by all the stray cats that they’ve hoarded over the years, and you’ll have a small glimpse into that which raw-rubs my patience as if it were wearing a barbed-wire codpiece.

It all started simply enough, with what should have been the most unassuming of tasks to accomplish in a place where much like the TV show Cheers, everyone knows your name., or at the very least, your reputation.

The goals for that day, was quite the laid-back ones- do some laundry, wash some dishes, mail some bills, gas up the car, grab lunch at one of the Mexican food joints, and when all that was put to bed, go online and renew my car tags for another two-year span. Easy enough, right? After all, we do live in a wondrous era where technology and access have been seamlessly conjoined in an effort to make all of life’s minor chores that much easier to cross off our to-do lists, where and when we choose.

I would like to take a moment if I may, to point out that it’s this kind of delusional optimism that not only gets this nation’s citizens as a whole, into so much trouble, but also makes some of us truly believe that our signature high school look of a British-flag t-shirt combined with a Members Only windbreaker, is still considered fashionable. And no, it does not matter that we graduated in 1987, as true style is in the heart, not the head.

Speaking of heads and the opinions contained within that are wholly erroneous, when I attempted to renew my registration online, I discovered that it had been suspended, with no prior notice, and more importantly, with no stated explanation as to why it had been put in limbo to begin with. A further concern arose far later, when it was revealed to me via a rude cubicle monkey, that said inactive status had been in play for close to two years, and I had no clue that such an action had even been undertaken.

Typically, when such a snafu as this one occurs, one would either call the DMV, or perhaps take a trip down to their local office to get the situation rectified, but thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic, the method of accessing all things routine has become increasingly problematic, if not infuriating, to the point where public meltdowns both justified and not, have become the norm, rather than the anomaly they once were:

(Your Karen or Kyle’s unfounded and privileged rage may differ. Ask your manager if dealing with over-entitled morons is good for either you, or your business.)
Because of the societal fears associated with COVID, along with the resultant retractions that have arisen from attempts to curtail its spread and impact, one’s interaction with the machinations of government have been relegated to either hit-and-miss online communication, or by setting up appointments that are weeks out in some cases, and the Silver City DMV is not immune from this new and maddening reality. In fact, if anything, they seem to be gleefully fueling the fires of their customers frustration, stoking by their own incompetence, for reasons as yet unknown to us, the common rabble.

This attitude of theirs was on full display, as I tried in vain over the course of two days to find out the details as to what happened, and exactly why I was never notified regarding it. Several phone calls to the only number listed for the DMV, resulted in a sizeable portion of my time going to waste, as said number was always either busy, or when it was not, rang excessively, never to be picked up.

And as far as this so-called customer service line having an option to leave a message in any form, as a means to eventually correct your issue at hand?

All kidding aside, I point out yet again, that it’s this kind of delusional optimism that gets this nation’s citizens into so much trouble, especially when they pair it with the ludicrous thought that customer service means you actually serve the customer. As if that concept still existed, since the implementation of the T-Mobile corporation call-center model.

By the way, did I happen to mention that despite every other business in my town (save for banks) being open to the public, albeit with enforced mask and social distance restrictions in place, the DMV’s lobby is locked up tighter than the underground vault where the watchable versions of the Highlander 2 and Star Wars prequel shooting scripts are stored?

So to recap, no online option to fix issues like mine, no ability to contact an actual human using the phone to do so as well, and no publicly accessible point person at their only location to talk to, despite their staff of blathering baboons being encased behind several layers of we-aint-willingly-getting-in-your-trebuchet-anytime-soon Plexi, all while being permitted to operate fully half-assed, where a mask mandate is still in full effect.

I have to tell you, next to the merged corporate nightmare that was formerly Sprint, I’ve never met a bunch of people more dedicated to not taking my money than these New Mexican morons. The late Minnesota politician and poet Eugene McCarthy, once blithely noted that; “The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency”, and man… was he ever spot-on regarding this certainty, or what?

None of these hurdles were going to stop me of course, from getting to the bottom of things, thanks to both my personal tenacity and anger management issues, so I piled into “Rita”, my adorably red Honda daily driver, and headed on down to Silver’s very own version of *TON 618, to kick some ass, steal some pens, take some names, and then… promptly forget them.*[TON 618 is a hyper-luminous and radio-loud quasar, possessing one of the most immense black holes found thus far, unless of course, you put it up against the Silver City DMV.]

Ignoring the “closed” signs in the main lobby window, I gazed in, and saw no less than three employees, just standing around behind their Plexi Playfort, displaying the kind of hustle I’ve only observed in retirees playing cribbage while asleep. So, I tapped on the lobby glass, hoping to get their attention, which they playfully refused to give, because at heart, these pencil-pushing pinheads are all about living in the moment. Not the one that’s actually required of course, just so we’re all clear.

You, as an actual person, might tend to think that after almost 30 seconds of hearing rhythmic tapping, that one of these hired-out-of-charity palookas would, at some definable point in time, acknowledge my presence, but that’s only because your brain is continually connected to your senses, and which obviously, have more than two brain cells dedicated to their utilization.

But to the devoted go the spoils, and eventually, after close to five minutes of my massaging the glass with a full complement of silver rings, a thought cut through the mental miasma of one of these human sweet-potato malingerers, that maybe, just maybe, she should get off her ass and inquire as to what the discount James Hetfield cosplayer in front of her workplace needed.

Now to be fair, while this was my overall attitude;
This was most definitely the vibe she was transmitting, from the second she opened the door, a clipboard death-clutched in her hands, glaring at me as if I had interrupted her, while she was in the middle of orally servicing a 2-liter bottle of lukewarm pickle brine:

And to set the tone, she did so while not wearing a mask, as she was literally, face to face with me. That’s right-the DMV’s point person dealing directly with the public, and that in very close proximity, within a town that still has a compulsory inside/outside mandate for all businesses, couldn’t be bothered to wear a mask, because… well, I’m sure she had a good reason as to why there wasn’t one around her neck, or in her hands.

Yep, gotta love an agency that shuts down its physical operation to allegedly protect its staff, but has zero issue about one of its own being in a position to possibly infect the general public at large. Additional kudos must be granted to this walking morass of mental midgetry, for giving me such an uninterrupted look at her face, because it allowed me to correctly identify her for the formal complaint I’m currently in the middle of filing with the state.

I won’t reveal her name here for legalities, rather than ethical concerns, but rest assured, everyone who lives in the boundaries of Silver City knows who she is, and for the reason mentioned in the meme above.alone

In my somewhat limited defense for what is about to be said, I try not to use what I personally consider sexist or vulgar terminology, even if the word “bitch” is key in the digital letterhead of these screeds, as I find such to be lazy at best, crude at worst. Exceptions are certainly made to be sure, typically to either cement an idea I’m trying to express, or punch up a joke, but in my day-to-day life, I try to work without stepping far too commonly into the realm of the “blue”, as it were.

However, when I run into someone who makes me immediately think that their collection of sex-toys purposefully short-circuit their own batteries in an act of desperate self-protection from a set of genitalia that most definitely has teeth in lieu of labia, I have no such compulsion to seek the high road… at all. Granted, this depiction may come off as being somewhat over the top, but I’d also put forth my belief that you could pour boiling lava down this woman’s throat, and she’d eventually start belching obsidian as an end result.

But let’s get to the real fun to be had, shall we? After taking a few minutes to inform Mistress Bitchypants why I was there, noting all of my previous failed attempts to make contact with a person that could actually do something, she retreats back into her Fortress of Sullentude, locking the door behind her as she does, because apparently, she took my above joking threat of stealing their pens seriously.  

As if would want knockoff generic Bics?

When she emerges, she snottily tells me that my registration was pulled due to a lapse in my insurance, which was only not true, but was also the second time that they had made the same error, and that, immediately within the initial month and a half after I had originally registered the car. In other words, it was their mistake. AGAIN. Meaning, that if I had been pulled over by the cops for even the most minor of reasons, I would have been subject to tickets, and depending on New Mexico law, possibly arrested or been at risk of my vehicle being seized, but … oops, I guess?

However, even though it was obviously their f**kup, it was up to me (naturally) to prove that they were wrong. Because, f**k me, that’s why. Therefore, I had to go see my insurance agent, who through gritted teeth, lets me in on the fact that this is such a common occurrence regarding this particular branch of the DMV, that they can literally set their office clocks by the consistency of their screwups.  

Speaking of which, I had to spend almost an hour getting the proof I needed to show that at no time, was I ever lapsed, or even late, and headed back to the place where professional competence seemingly goes to get curb-stomped to death by a pale of mentally corpulent turtles, as a matter of policy. When I find myself back at the Lair of Ineptitude, not only am I greeted by the same lovely individual I dealt with earlier, but this time around, there’s the joy of being harangued about my “rudeness” in relation to my jubilantly pointing out (with proof, remember) that they were the ones who couldn’t find their own asses without the aid of Google maps and a tour guide.

And when this was expounded upon, as is the way of my people, this cubicle cow wouldn’t even offer the weakest of apologies for their/her collective incompetence, because once again- f**k you, that’s why. Society, for whatever reason, be it valid or unsubstantiated, long ago credited women such as these with an utterly crass and unrefined slur, and yet, I am loath to utilize it within these pixelated points of discussion, but not for the reason you might think.

The direct explanation is that while the “C” word might be applicable on one level in regards to the descriptive of her personality and sense of professionalism, this woman lacks the depth, the warmth, and the desired practicality of use to meet the basic qualification of that which defines what one of those actually is.
As I stood there, waiting for an apology that never came, she attempts to blame my insurance company, claiming that they themselves, had called the state MVD, telling them that my insurance had lapsed, which was blasphemously false. But hey, when you’re an incompetent liar who’s been caught red-faced, just double down, and stick to your story, which you so transparently, fabricated out of hot air and bulls**t. .

Continue to do so, even if the person you f**ked over has empirical proof to the contrary. Because that always works.

Let me dissect what she in essence, failed to pass off as the Truth- my insurance company whom has never cancelled me at any point, called the DMV, told them I had no insurance, and in reaction, the DMV cancelled my car’s registration. An act of bureaucratic blundering, that for some as yet unknown reason, did not require the DMV to inform me of this at all. And yet despite this, my insurance company continuously sent me a monthly bill for a service they supposedly canceled, for a car that legally, did not exist.

Oh yes. Totally normal, if not entirely credible. Just make sure to completely ignore the previous statement from many in my small community about this very same issue being a shared problem regarding this agency. Obviously, all those pi**ed-off peasants should go pound sand. But there was more garbage to be spewed, courtesy of our Dominatrix of Density.

The second slice of power-trip pie that she served up, after faking offense at being called a liar to her vinegar-secreting face, involved a guy with a DUI conviction who was there attempting to acquire a legal ID card. Not a driver’s license. Nor was he endeavoring to get his auto registration reinstated, like I was. How did I know he had been prosecuted for a DUI, and that’s why his registration and license were revoked?

Well, it turns out that despite my initial assessment of Mistress Bitchypants as nothing more than an arrogantly incompetent cubicle cow, she also apparently has undertaken a sideline gig as my town’s unofficial PA system, dispensing people’s sensitive personal information to the wind as if her life depended on it. It didn’t, but maybe her fatuous Ego required it.

Who knows? However, thanks to her blatant indiscretion, I did now know a few things in regards to the person who up until a minute and a half prior, had blissfully, been an utter stranger, so there is that. For sake of clarification, I must admit his skull and neck tattoos, along with the obvious prison ink cascading down his arms, clued me in somewhat already that perhaps I was in the presence of possible rough trade, but that still doesn’t mean that the guy deserved to be treated as if he were less than human, by a pod-person who barely passes as one.

Trust me on this. When you see someone with dragons emblazoned on their shaved skull;

… ask some questions. You’ll be glad you did. Admit it- you’ve got a list of inquiries to make here, and you know it won’t be all shades of boring at the end., no matter what direction the tale may eventually turn out to take. At no point whatsoever, did this MVD mascot for morons, even think to ask or suggest, that either he come inside the fortified office to talk about his delicate and embarrassing situation, nor did she bother to lower her volume as she blathered his privileged information within my proximal presence.

Because you know, I was the one being ever so “rude”.

One down, two more to go. People, that is. As I mentioned earlier, my local DMV is only seeing people in the flesh on the basis of a pre-arranged appointment, which can only be set up via the Internet, as they can’t be bothered to pick up their phone. I’m not entirely sure what the elderly, the non-tech savvy, and those who don’t have web access are supposed to do, but I’m sure that the DMV has a resolution for that, given their stellar track record for efficiency thus far.

Taking that productivity into account, I’m also 100% certain that in no way, shape or form, that their measured and sedate resolution to these issues would ever dare be presented to the general public at large as this:
Nope. Can’t see them taking that approach at all. But then again, I still believe that one day, I’ll get to see a re-formed ABBA launch a world tour and a new album within my lifetime, so maybe I’m not exactly the best authority to ask about logical outcomes to solving what are essentially simple problems to begin with. Just saying.

Seriously, Universe? MAKE THIS HAPPEN:

Even if it’s for no other reason to satisfy my morbid curiosity regarding the latest advances in Kimono-based Rock-stage fashion. Which, when given the expansive range of technology and fabrics now available, is going to finally make this mid-70’s Dexedrine dream;
look as if they weren’t even trying to do anything but blend in with Elvis’s wallpaper.Getting back on track, I did note that appointments scheduled online are the only way to establish any form of face-to-face contact with a DMV drone, and as such, you’d think that since they themselves weren’t technically involved in that process, it’d be somewhat foolproof, if not aggravation free. At the very least, you might even optimistically assume that even they couldn’t f**k that up, am I right?

I’m not going to lie here… sometimes your positivity is absolutely adorable. Unfounded, ungrounded, unsubstantiated, and wholly speculative to be sire, but adorable, nonetheless.

it pains me to say this, but yes, despite the best efforts of Microsoft, Comcast, and the evil machinations of the downloaded soul of the late Stephen Hawking, they managed to gang-bang the metaphorical platypus on this one too. I have to hand it to these guys- it’s one thing to suck at your job in the world of the Real, but to be equally inept within the parameters of a world that exists only as electrical ether? Even I will have to begrudgingly admit, that’s some goddamn serious dedication to the craft of dumbf**ery.

What pray tell, am I referencing? As I waited the ten minutes it took to update my file, because apparently, the internet was running at *MVD speed that day, I witnessed no less than two people who were turned away, despite having scheduled appointments that day, and who concurrently, arrived with proof of such in hand. Not that the Clipboard Commandant gave a rat’s ass. *[This is similar to “Warp Speed” as described in the seminal 60’s TV show “Star Trek”, but involves standing around doing nothing, as one sits on their fat ass, endlessly repeating the following phrases: “I wish I could help.” “I understand.” And the classic “You’ll have to go online and…”]

In both cases, Mistress Mistake (without looking at her clipboard) churlishly announced that she had no record of either obligation, and therefore, they would have to go back online, and you guessed it… schedule yet another appointment. You know. Because the initial one worked out so well? Never mind the fact that they BOTH HAD PROOF of such, and in the case of one of these poor saps who was forced to take a half-day off work to honor his end of said responsibility, and because this Bitch of the West likes to remain on brand, no apology for the alleged snafu was to be had either.

I’ll give this secretarial slattern one thing. She is consistent, to say the very least.

See? I can give hard-earned credit when and where it’s due, even if that credit is for being the type of human being that most people want to see get eaten slowly by a shark. Or a prickle of flatulent porcupines. Either/or. I’m really not that picky when it comes to the metering out of overdue Justice anymore, so I’m pretty sure I’d be happy, no matter which way the metaphorical axe eventually falls::

But if I were forced to make a choice ala’ Hobson, I’d most likely lean in this direction, as the other path, while truly comically epic and visually fascinating, would take far too long to fit within my ever-increasing personal schedule. I do have a life to lead Bitchiteers, even if I would enjoy sitting ringside with a tall glass of cold milk and a platter of chilled Ding -Dongs.

Sometimes? Your career just has to come first. I do find however, that opinion to be somewhat off-base though, in relation to the walking “C” word currently inflicting herself upon the people of my fine town, leaving a snail-trail of aggravation and frustration in her wake, as she does so at this particular moment in time. In all honesty, she’s not wholly responsible for all the issues that are presently plaguing this poorly run bastion of bastardly incompetence, but she seems to be the one most alluded to when the topic arises, as it has most recently.

At best, she’s just the Face of the bureaucratic beast, because as the mythical God already knows, there’s no way in Hell, that she’s never going to be mistaken for the f**king Brains.

“An incompetent person in a responsible position may cause huge damage. Such a person should act less and think more.” – Eraldo Banovac






























































































In the Nick of Slime (Writes off The Round Table)

“Apart from values and ethics which I have tried to live by, the legacy I would like to leave behind is a very simple one – that I have always stood up for what I consider to be the right thing, and I have tried to be as fair and equitable as I could be.”- Ratan Tata

Hello Bitchiteers!

It is simply a lovely day out here in my hamlet of Silver City, New Mexico. The suns is shining, the clouds are puffy, and the sky can only be described as a *atemberaubend shade of azure blue. It’s almost as if the mythical god skinned a Smurf for inspiration in order to create the heavens. Not to mention that at the moment, the sound system at my office away from the office, also known as Little Toad Creek Brewery and Distillery, is cranking “She Sells Sanctuary” by the Cult. At a volume that can only be noted as: “Is that loud enough for you, Mptherf**ker?” “[Stunning” in German]

Why yes. Yes, it is. And it is awesome. I’m in one of my favorite happy places, surrounded by waitresses who all look like Wonder Woman with her hair combed out, sitting at my kingdom of the round as I write this, and I swear, if I die tomorrow, I want this six-top table to be buried with me, as I can’t think of anywhere else on this planet that I’ve ever been this productive, and I see no reason to change that, even if I do wind up roasting for all eternity just outside the gilded doors leading to Hades’ hallway.

Just keep the ice-cold Coca-Cola flowing like water, and it’ll be all good:

Partner that with this giant verboten pretzel I’m currently devouring, in place of a Diabetic-safe lunch, and you’ll see why I’m currently content as a as if I were a pack of piranha on vacation in the wading pool of a Florida retirement home.

Seriously. Just look at the size of this thing. Odin himself would trade his other eye in a heartbeat to get his oversized Nordic mitts on one of these, and even better? The cheese sauce it comes with, is green-chile-infused. Does Life get any better?
Granted, I’m sure it could, but last time I checked, Milla Jovovich is not returning any of my phone calls, and is still happily married to a man who’s overall health remains annoyingly excellent. However, the aforementioned pretzel does come with a side of jalapeno-infused cheese sauce, so that’s almost as good… almost.

But as a counterbalance, Milla does have far less carbohydrates, and to a diabetic like myself, dietary considerations are key to one’s ongoing personal happiness, so there is that. Plus, my GF of 12 years Ashley, would remind me that my odds of adding a sexy Ukrainian to my collection without her smothering me in my sleep because of my doing so, are just as good as my chances of being cast as a lead in a Star Wars movie, which is actually item number three on my bucket list. I just want to fly the Millennium Falcon once, kick a Jedi’s ass in a light-saber battle, and it’ll be all good.

And no, I’m not kidding.

Either make me a Sith in a galaxy far far away, or as a character in a PIXAR cartoon. I’m thinking a jar of sassy Sauerkraut that’s obsessed with being best friends with Buzz Lightyear, and the circle of my true personal happiness will finally be complete.

However, I’m not here to list my overpopulated list of singular obsessions, I’m here to inform, and maybe spread some unintentional entertainment as I do so. It’s literally my goal to hit the metaphorical mark every time I open up my trusty IBM ThinkPad, and with no false braggadocio to note, I think I come pretty close most of the time. Give or take the occasional structureless rant, that is. Everybody has the occasional “off” day, and even I, the Snark Supreme, am not immune to this.

Nevertheless, my sense of current mojo disassociation may have more to do with what I’ve been writing about, rather than just a quirk of personal circumstance. Keep in mind, other than a fun diversion writing about Seth Mc Farlane’s “The Orville”, which just so happens to be one of my favorite sci-fi TV shows as of late, I’ve been digitally scribbling screeds highlighting quite the range of allegedly mentally-deficient characters within my local and surrounding community, and they’re truly “special” people, let me tell you.

So far, I’ve called possibly unwelcome attention to a literal Ken doll who openly suffers from an exceedingly bad case of bigotry and an inability to research competently, a conspiracy theory believing wackadoo, who allegedly, sees members of Antifa every time she looks in her underwear drawer, and a sedition-supporting cowboy politician, who sees racism and ignorance as personal strengths, rather than an as of yet, undiagnosed mental illness.

And let’s not forget the latest failed MENSA candidates, one being a vulgar anti-Biden flag hoisting bragging brotard, who waxed poetic about being gifted a free case of beer for being an ill-informed jackass, from a fellow conservative cretin, much in the same way I’d crow about talking Angeline Jolie into modeling a whipped-cream and Ding-Dong bikini for me. I’ll be adding in some additional commentary regarding this flag-fellating fu**wit a little further on in today’s screed, but I need to address the second Beta-bitch on board first.

This end result from the tragic misuse of a gas-station condom, is a wannabe Alpha who posted a physical threat that while originally directed at me, was also one that I could hardly find intimidating. since its fundamental high points had been lifted wholesale from the classic novel, “The Most Dangerous Game”. Regardless, I still went ahead and contacted the appropriate agencies who are tasked to deal with such pathetic creatures of cowardice, not so much out of concern for myself, but because said mental midget decided he had to threaten the general public as well.

Honestly, if there’s ever a place in the allegorical sand where I draw the line, it’s when somebody thinks they have the right to do so, consequence-free. And because I’m all about the details, I made sure that his current employer was informed of his hobby as well, seeing how he like to issue such threats, while acknowledging them as his current employer on his FB page. This by the way, did not seem to bring them any sense of quantifiable joy, and the professionally terse email I received back in reply to mine, did nothing but underscore this opinion of mine.

Granted, I could be wrong, but as a rule, corporations, even the smallest ones, generally don’t appreciate it when someone repping their brand decides to openly threaten total strangers as they do so. Especially, when they’re smack dab in the middle of a territory and marketing expansion campaign, as this one currently is.

Now, when it comes to extending past the boundaries of their already exceedingly limited intellects, the particularly f**ked up belief that they’re beyond the reach of reproach, I have a message for those special few,, who. despite lacking actual testicles, still dry-hump their keyboards with a passion they’ve yet to apply to the act of becoming smarter, and it is this- if you think you can keep up this inane campaign of anonymous adversarial animosity uncontested;

This memorandum isn’t that much of a revelation to those among us whose brains actually function the way Odin meant them to, but for more than a challenged few slithering among us, they’ve perverted the concept of Free Speech into a bastardized rationalization that they can do or say anything that they want, as they petulantly demand that they somehow be granted exemption from the predictably immediate fallout they themselves provoked.

For those of you who unlike me, do not carry a well-worn copy of the Constitution on you, so that you may refer to what’s within it accurately, I present the 1st Amendment in its entirety: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” And please note; that nowhere in this brief, yet highly crucial passage that underpins the true heart of what America represents to the world, does it say anything about the boundaries of said free speech being limitless.

This is why you can call QAnon advocates “f**king morons”, but conversely, aren’t allowed to then go and openly suggest that you’re going to show up at their trailer, and feed their diminutive genitals to the raccoons that they keep around to guard their meth lab.

It’s also the same reason why you don’t get into debates regarding which city has the best pizza, that being either Chicago or New York, because in both cities, it could be accurately designated as hate speech, if not riot incitement, for not only is the answer fairly obvious, but those bastards in Chicago are also such philistines, that they unashamedly, sell their sub-standard ketchup-covered cardboard by the slice.

By.The. Motherf**king. Slice.

Dear mythical God, we’re living in the End Times. And I, seriously can’t believe that for all his grandiose predictions, Nostradamus never mentioned this as one of the portents.

But the message of the Amendment is as clear as the GQP’s failing to see the irony in regards to its own hypocrisy. You can say whatever you want, within reason of course, and in no way, shape, or form, can the government legally censor you, but that does not mean you get a metaphorical hall pass from them or society at large, when you step over the obvious borderlines. Rant about “The Jews”, get punched out of your shoes. Call the Mexican community “lazy slobs”, get fired, and watch one take your job. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, and all that.

From my perch of perspective, it seems that every single time I think one of these patriots of pestilence can’t possibly shove their heads up their own asses any further, they go and manage to grow another foot and a half of neck. Case in point? Let’s take a gander at this fine example of what happens when the Creator throws the genetic dice, and discovers to his dismay, that not only did he fail to roll a seven, he also wasted a perfectly good batch of skin and useful organs on a defective unit that somehow still, managed to get shipped out the factory doors, sans its brain:

This obviously not-in-need-of-medication-at-all individual, one Yvonne St Cyr of the intellectual powerhouse that is Boise, Idaho, is now facing manifold federal charges for her alleged participation in the January 6th domestic terrorist attack that occurred at the U.S. Capitol. Within the official affidavit describing the levied charges, it is noted that prior to her attempt at sedition, St Cyr had been quite the busy beaver, posting a series of (GASP!) wholly unsubstantiated QAnon conspiracy theories.

However, she decided to outdo herself, and in a selfless act one can only assume was  charitably enacted  to make it easier for her abominable actions to be successfully prosecuted later on down the road, decided to videotape herself inside the Capitol building, on the day of the attack.

Adding further evidential cordwood to the eventual prosecutorial fire, she in conjunction with her equally intellectually impenetrable husband, then inexplicably uploaded a personal video to Facebook the day after, in which she waxed poetic about how she “made CNN” when she was caught leaning out a window, allegedly yelling to all in reach of her voice; “This is our house!” 

Not content setting the bar of personal inanity at that particular level, she went on to elucidate that: “God put me in that window, so I’m assuming God put me on CNN screaming like a mad woman,” So hey, maybe I’m going to get arrested again, but I would get arrested and I would die for this country. So no regrets.”

While that pile of lunacy is bad enough on its own, keep in mind that until her hopeful conviction and long-term incarceration is set in stone, this dimwitted disciple of delusional dipsh**tery can still legally drive a car, handle sharp stabby things, buy a gun, and most terrifyingly of all, VOTE. And that right to do so, covers both state and federal elections, as well as American Idol. In regards to which one of those outcomes may be worse in the long run for America, I think that at best, it may work out to be a draw.

Sure, the awful ramifications of what may happen if any of these Q-nuts get their chosen candidates into any level of government is terrifying, but let’s also be as equally honest with ourselves as to what the resulting fallout might be of giving a wannabe Keith Beukelaer, unfettered access to a national spotlight, and an audience of idiots.
Do you want the Apocalypse to happen?
Because that’s how you get the Apocalypse to happen.

What doesn’t trigger my insomnia however, is the fact that eventually most of the mental midgets we’re currently infested with, will either find a new obsession in time, or gravely injure themselves, when they try to make a grilled cheese sandwich while holding said sandwich in their mouths. Either/or. I’m truly good no matter which way the Winds of Fate blow. Now, this is not to say that we as a nation and citizenry, can afford to turn a blind eye to these pustular pinheads, as it’s fairly obvious they’re just waiting for the right opportunity to regroup and finish what they started four years ago- the complete and utter destabilization of America as it currently exists.

It’s pretty much a certainty that when you find yourself crossing paths with these Fallopian tube rejects, you’re pretty much going to walk away from the conversation knowing two things; the first being that you’re going to fight from now on to do whatever you can to increase funding public education, and the second, that you most likely should get checked out ASAP, to see if you’re developing an aneurysm, because your brain can only do so much to protect itself from the exposure to such abject ignorance.

Sadly, over the years, there has been an unchecked increase in the number of persons possessing lesser intellectual capacity taking inordinate pride in being cursed with such, and this, is a quirk of personality that I will truly never understand. I can appreciate having a sense of self-deprecating humor in regards to one’s lack of personal knowledge, but the willful displaying of conceit in relation to the same, has always stunned me into silence.

The noted sci-fi author Issac Asimov had the perfect summation in respect to this cultural phenomenon, and even though I’ve dropped it into the occasional screed of mine over the years, I feel it bears repeating yet again: There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that ‘my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.”

Truer words have never been spoken, save for the time I once told my adulterous ex-fiancé that the only reason she wanted to “pray for me” was because it gave her yet another chance to get down on her knees, but I digress in the name of chivalry and civility. But this wryly accurate observation does serve as a lead-in introduction for the main subject of today’s pixelated scribbles, that being the flag-hoisting Beta-bitch I referenced at the beginn9ng of these musings.  

If you’ve read my precious screed, you’ll remember that I devoted some limited acreage to this example of the slowest sperm winning the lottery, although the main focus of my tale was centered on dealing with a death threat that I had received from another craven, cut from the same ilk-cloth, and at the time, he served no other purpose than as a background element in a far more expansive story.

In lieu of a better analogy, if my life was being rebooted as a Star Wars movie, he would’ve been credited as “Impotent Jawa Hidden behind Obi-Wan”, in that one scene where Luke is selling his landspeeder to an alien of possibly dubious character.
In essence, another warm body filling a space- no more, no less. But as it is with most things, the goalposts can still be picked up and moved forward, or in this case, backwards a good ten yards. To be fair, I wasn’t expecting the focus of my current sardonic mocking, one Nick Lemme, to be overly intelligent, given his pathetic penchant for hypocritical whining and immature posturing, but I also didn’t assume that when it got right down to the brass tacks, that engaging in a debate regarding his political stance would be akin to doing so with a bag of gently-used urinal cakes, either.

Live and learn, I guess.

To recap previous events, Lemme decided to publicly display a flag in the front yard of his home, that indecorously expressed his disdain for our current president, Joe Biden, and then in an act of sheer hubris, made the concurrent choice to grant an in-depth interview with our local newspaper about it, as well. Now this, in and of itself, would normally not be that big of a deal, but as is typical of those in the Cult of 45, Lemme determined that he couldn’t simply express his discontentment in a manner that would lend itself to fostering a respectful dialogue, because why should anyone do that, when they could have the opportunity to be just be as classless as the Fanta Fascist that they get the hot sweats over?

And in case you forgot what sheer inanity can present itself as, here you go:
Oh, and in case I’ve forgotten to mention it, this fine display of what it looks like when a middle-aged moron has a mental meltdown, is right across the street from a school, as well. Because if there’s one lesson that you want to instill in the developing youth of this country, is that it’s perfectly acceptable to be a vulgar cretin well past the point when your genitalia have supposedly dropped. To add even more hypocrisy to an already fuel soaked pyre of it, Lemme has also opined that he now feels like he has a “target on his head” due to his actions, even though he’s the one who super glued it there in the first place.

This slice of duplicity aside, I’d have to personally note that for a guy who’s so ostensibly worried for his personal safety, Lemme seems to be willingly pushing the red button of public confrontation as hard and as fast as his undeveloped brain will let him.

 Make no mistake- Lemme is openly spoiling for a fight, and mythical God willing, one will eventually be delivered to him, if for no other reason than for him to finally grasp the pertinent life lesson of “Be careful what you wish for”, because sometimes those wishes come with a full set of teeth, both metaphorical and literal. To clarify, I’m not suggesting that Lemme should suffer anything more than the considerable mocking contempt that he’s truly earned, but I’d also ascertain that if his front yard became a sculptural exercise in the creative application of toilet paper, I wouldn’t lose too much sleep over it, either.

Let me stress this point again, if I may. At no point in time, should Lemme be subject to anything dire. save for the shunning scorn that he so richly desires and to a point, has earned. Now having said that, I have serious reservations as to the manner of how Lemme would respond if the metaphorical tables were reversed, given how he presents himself online.

What do I mean by this?

Well, it’s been my personal experience that if you’re traipsing through somebody’s social media profile, and see a background photo like this;
It’s pretty much a certainty that while the person you are now unfortunately dealing with can quote the 2nd Amendment from memory verbatim, minus the “well regulated” clause of course, they also conversely, have never bothered to read the rest of this sacred text, tending as they do to view knowledge with the same sense of suspicion that I’d grant to gas station sushi. Throw in the not-to-be-unexpected conspiracy theories, the standard proliferation of willful ignorance, and devotion to fetishistic gun porn, and you have quite possibly the most accurate microcosm of what passes as ”independent thought” within the modern-day Conservative movement.

Not too shockingly, Lemme’s social media presence hits most of these stereotypical low points, but the one thing that stands out above anything else, is that Lemme is a truly certified American BADASS. If Jason Statham and Chuck Norris ever managed to have an illicit love affair, and produce a spawn dipped in double-plated mother**ker, Lemme would definitely fit the bill, let me tell you. How do I know this for sure? Well, my newest scratching post was considerate enough to selflessly post this photo, lo inform us all that he is indeed;

Maybe it’s the brotard sunglasses, Maybe it’s the determined attitude. Maybe it’s the composition of the self-taken photo, cleverly using the car’s window as both a crucial framing point and lighting element. Given the fact that it’s presented in black & white, maybe it’s a modern take on the film noir genre, but this snapshot most definitely doesn’t scream “I wanna be an Alpha so bad it hurts!”

And what truly sells this image in my opinion, is the late 80’s style lettering associated with every WrestleMania event I’ve ever seen televised. I am totally convinced on the basis of this photo alone, that Lemme is truly “savage”, because if there’s one trait that authentic badasses are known for, it’s the need to consistently advertise just how bad they are, am I right?

Personally, I’ve always felt that if you feel the need to post indulgent selfies as a means to convey who you really are, they should, at the very least, be visually interesting to begin with, as this humble example below establishes:

Photo credit: (C) Martiin Hazine/Glossyworks

This boys and girls, is how you take your selfie game to the next level, because if we’re going to be honest with ourselves here, the fist thing we’d have to admit is just how much we all like pictures of verdant forests. Especially when there’s such a ruggedly good-looking man in the foreground. However, there is yet another area where Lemme fails to bring his “A” game, and that is within the parameters of what passes for civilized debate in this, the era of idiocy made flesh.

Like most Trump devotees, Lemme employs the standard go-to for those of lesser intelligence and character who, when they cannot back up their point of view with actual facts, resort to issuing asinine slurs and impotent threats. Take for instance, this intellectual discourse between Lemme and I, where he informs me that he’s also “fighting” for my freedom of speech, which strikes me as odd, since nobody of note is actually trying to take mine away at the moment.
But then again, I could be wrong, as I haven’t checked the Internet today to see what I’m supposed to be worried about.

What little Nicky here fails to understand, is that I neither require his uninformed ass to protect my 1st Amendment rights, nor did i ask him to do so in the first place. And considering he has a symbol of the Confederacy (by his own admission) flying above his flag of fallaciousness, I can’t really put him in the same pantheon as *Nathanael Greene anytime soon.
*[Greene was a Continental Army general who served with distinction during America’s Revolutionary War. He was lauded far and wide as George Washington’s most dependable officer.]

And as an aside, I know its tempting to spell the words “you” and “are” as if you were Prince, but as a muddle-aged White guy, you really aren’t going to get cut the same slack he would get. Just saying. And Nick? Nobody is “coming” for your suburban property, and they’re definitely not coming for your family, either. That is, unless they’re trying to save them from having to listen to your asinine absurdity over dinner.

But not to worry, when Nick later reengaged with me, he proceeded to present what one would consider a well-thought-out structured debate, not only defending his political ideology, but also going one step further, and backing it up with empirical data in such a manner that even I, an uncompromising cynic, was impressed at how well he illuminated the underpinnings of his point of view:

C’mon now… admit it. You didn’t seriously think or worse, believe, that a Trumpite would actually bring a valid argument to the proverbial table that could be defended successfully using the tenets of reality, did you? Keep in mind, these jingoistic jackasses are still proudly hoisting the banners of a soundly and fairly,defeated candidate, and claiming that any day now, that very same mound of disgraced human flotsam will be reasserting his role as President without question, regardless of what common sense, established law, reality, and Yoda says: 
To nobody’s great surprise, save those who’ve never had to deal with one of these walking mental illnesses disguised within a human skin suit. No, when Nicky jumped back in to the fray on a thread where I pointed out that all Trump wanted from Nick was his money, he responded with this devastatingly stunning retort, drawn from the spirit of Robespierre himself:
I’d like to point out two things that don’t make sense here, if I may. First. For a guy who crows about how “savage” he is, Nicky is seemingly easily offended, as if he were the possessor of skin thinner than that of an onion, and the second? It was noted in his now infamously tone-deaf newspaper interview, that:

“Lemme said that he does feel like the flag has placed a metaphorical target on his back, however, which is why he flies the flag underneath a darkened American flag. He said the blacked-out American flag was used by some Confederate military units during the Civil War as a symbol to not give nor accept quarter — a juxtaposition to the white in the real American flag.

 “A lot of military people wear it,” Lemme said. It’s just basically stating no mercy if they want to do something and target me – that’s basically a warning.”

Oh no, a “warning”. That’s so… SAVAGE. Especially coming from a person whose thought process came to the brulliant conclusion that utilizing a symbol of a treasonous entity that tried to usurp the legitimacy of the United States, was the perfect vehicle for launching an in-depth discussion regarding constitutionally protected freedoms. And as to his claim that he feels a target has been placed on his head, there’s no better way to cool the overall situation down like openly posting an overly-aggressive retort like the one above to a total stranger, especially when you have no idea who that person is to begin with, or how they’re going to react to your challenge 0f “come at me, bro”, am I right?

Methinks that thou ignoble fathead doth protest too much, for if Nick was truly worried about his or his family’s safety, he’d have closed off public access to his social media accounts, gone to ground as it were, and in hindsight, not have called the unwanted (if warranted) attention to himself, by giving the ill-advised media interview that he did in the first place.

And as an aside, I sure as heck wouldn’t have, given the volatile nature of the political landscape these days, made the decision to add fuel to the ever-growing fire, by continuing to engage in heated debates with said strangers, nor would I have sent photos of myself like this to those same unfamiliar persons, as a rule of dumb:

Granted, that’s mostly due to the possibility that on a whim, they could turn out to be theoretically violent, but also because it would validate without question, just how juvenile I am as well, given my advanced age. Not to mention, it would clearly show my face, and that’s an action that if I were truly concerned for my ongoing sense pf personal security as Nick claims he is, I would avoid doing at all costs.

So in essence, what we’re all observing here is a theoretical exercise in quantum mechanics, first exemplified by the paradox of placing a hypothetical cat inside a box, and who may be considered simultaneously both alive and dead, due to the inclusion of a poisonous variable that may or may not affect the outcome. The twist here however, is that we have an ignorantly hostile firebrand who is conversely, both hoping for a confrontation, and running away from one that he himself, started.  

Schrodinger’s Jackass, as it were.

And as is the way of most spineless schmucks who pick a fight, who then get called out for their fraudulent claims that they’re the ones who were being unfairly persecuted for their ideology, that void of personal courage possessed by those who as we’ve seen thus far, lack metaphorical penii, gets filled in the only way they know how- by throwing the subject of guns into the mix. And when it comes to this topic, Nick is all in, cap guns-a-blazing, his ordinance ordered, and just itching for the opportunity to both empty a clip, as while doing so, he liberally applies gun lube to areas best left to the imagination.

On what evidential theorem do I base this rather harsh assessment, you ask? Well, the answer is hilariously ironic, as the metaphorical ammo to be presented was provided by no less than the man himself. Think of Nick as The Giving Tree from the seminal story by Shel Silverstein, but instead of providing sustenance and security, Nick provides the best example of what happens when a community decides not to funnel their tax money into underwriting public education.

Let’s start with this meme, the type of which I’ve always liked to refer to as :fightbait”, as its only purpose is to start a contentious back and forth targeting a specific demographic  within one’s group of obviously long-suffering friends:
What is glaringly obvious right off the bat, other than that this meme serves succinctly as the perfect visual metaphor as to what Nick allegedly lacks between his thighs, is that it also obliges no other purpose than to establish an unfounded claim to victim-hood for Nick, if he dares receive the merest of push-back for posting it- hence, the reason why it was offered up for public dissection in the first place.

Nick, for all intents and purposes, is in no discernible way, truly interested in fomenting a mature conversation regarding the pros and cons of this subject so near and dear to his heart and his hip, he just wants to puff out his chest, get a few zingers launched, and then retreat to his safe space to stare at his collection of manhood substitutes.

But the gun-love doesn’t end there, no siree Billy-Bob. There are jokes to be had about attacking your fellow citizens with force during times of duress:
And the notation of the emotional lows of not being able to buy enough ammo to offset your fears that Antifa is hiding either under your bed, or in your underwear drawer:
As to be expected, there’s the worn-out cliché that “gun laws don’t work”, no matter what law enforcement, compiled statistics, and reality say:
Yes… laws targeting specific social issues and crimes do not work. That’s why we can all drive at high speed and backwards on the sidewalk, and shop in the nude at Walmart. And don’t even get me started on the joys of robbing a bank, and walking away (naked, of course) without fear of consequence. However, when it comes to the discussion of regulating guns, the penii-lacking cravens who collect them as if they were limited-edition FUNKO sets, equate such legislative action as being akin to a vasectomy being performed upon them with the jaws of a rabid squirrel.

Jaws, by the way, that have the very-much-alive squirrel, still attached,

Nick, like so many others within the chromosomally-challenged gun-rights movement, chooses to ignore the sobering statistic that over 38K people a year die due to the involvement of guns, but to be fair, it is kind of hard to achieve an accurate count when the fingers you’d use to tabulate such data, are all busy “polishing” your rifle. And nothing gets a gun owner’s tubes of lube flowing like the hope that one day, they’ll have the chance to pay respectful homage to the Russian nightclub scene from the first John Wick movie.

Decidedly, they’ll be dealing with a low-level meth-head trying to boost their late-model Ford Fiesta’s car stereo at 2 in the morning, versus smashing an international drug trafficking ring, but hey… ya’ gotta start somewhere, am I right? Baby steps, and all that.

For those of you out there who may now be thinking that I’m anti-gun, let me assure you that I am truly not. I wholeheartedly support the 2nd Amendment, and a properly trained (and vetted) citizen’s right to carry, and I say this as a former gun owner. However, while I may not be anti-gun, I most certainly am anti-idiot, so when I see a so-called “responsible gun-owner” post idiocy like this: The first thought that I have is that not only do we need stricter gun laws, but that along with mandatory liability insurance, compulsory safety training, and an annual range and familiarity qualification, that perhaps, the crucial pre-certification process should include a non-negotiable psychological assessment as well. That last facet alone, I feel, would lead to a cumulative reduction in the number of gun-related injuries at the very least, and in theory, the overall violent crime rate as well.

Sure, the downside is that guntards like Nick would have to find some other means by which to maintain the illusion of their overblown and faux manhood, but I’m not too worried. After all, they’re good at spinning false narratives to begin with, so what’s one more on an already burgeoning pile? His sense of gun fetishism aside, there’s so much more to Nick then just asinine opinions regarding politics and guns, he’s also got some paranoid ones concerning the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic as well, because of course, he does.Sigh… all I can say to this newest slice of dumbf**kery ala’ Nick, is this:
Other than the fact that Nick seems to have comprised the entire plot of this posting from the purposefully deleted scenes from the 2007 movie “I am Legend”, he’s also engaging in the most disingenuous of cherry-picking, to validate an ambiguous narrative that glosses over as to why the current situation in America is the way that it is. First off, we had a leader so-called, who, despite the best efforts of lauded scientists and virologists, deliberately downplayed, if not outright ignored, the severity of the infection rates, to the detriment of this country, its citizens, and its international reputation as a world power capable of boundless achievement.

Falsely claiming that the rapidly developing scourge of COVID-19 was “under control”, and that ‘the numbers will go down to zero”, the traitorous mango man-child willingly let over 400K of the citizens he was tasked to protect die, rather than lose political face and risk his hoped-for administrative legacy. As we’ve come to see, tha6 approach worked out like gangbusters in the end. Sarcasm, definitely intended.

Throw in a far-too-large segment of the US populace who, due to their lack of knowledge and distrust regarding science, along with their hubris concerning being asked to worry about their fellow humans for a very short period, and it’s not that hard to see exactly why this plague is hanging on to us tighter than a Proud Boy does a Tiki-Torch. However, in reference to the declaration that ”They” now control you and everything about your life”, I’d note somewhat sardonically, that has been the case for a majority of us, especially for those born during the advent of today’s social media.

The shadowy cabal he refers to as “They” already know where we shop, what we buy, who we talk to, what our hobbies are, and how often we engage in them. And if you doubt that we’ve all been under an intrusively watchful eye for the last five decades or so, and possibly even longer, I misplaced my sunglasses the other day, and as I wondered out loud where they might be, my phone rang, and the voice on the other end kindly told me to look on my bedside table/, where I had placed them the night before. Now, if only “they” could only tell me where in the heck I misplaced my sense of youthful optimism, I’d be right as rain.

But I’d be amiss in my analysis of Nick if I depicted him as an overblown caricature of what modern-day conservatism currently represents, and not as an actual person, if I didn’t address some of his inherent finer qualities. After all, my being Fair and Balanced, as FOX “News” loved to say back in the day, is key to sustaining a progressive dialogue, as we all well know.

But I’d be amiss in my analysis of Nick if I depicted him as an overblown caricature of what modern-day conservatism currently represents, and not as an actual person, if I didn’t address some of his inherent finer qualities. After all, my being Fair and Balanced, as FOX “News” loved to say back in the day, is key to sustaining a progressive dialogue, as we all well know. By way of example, Nick is an ardent romantic, which I have to admit, took me somewhat by surprise. Sure, it’s overly clear that he has a great passion for ordinance and the hope of using it on a day he’ll later recall fondly as he’s taken into police custody as being nothing short of glorious, but I digress.

That’s an obvious joke of course, as I foster no sincere convictions that Nick would ever fire off anything in public except his mouth, and even then, only in the company of people who already agreed with his particularly paranoid takes on life in general. However, we all know given his other publicly posted sophomoric assertions, it’s a small-caliber weapon at best, and about as effective as a NERF gun would be versus a charging elephant, or a truly hungry supermodel.

You seriously have no idea how dangerous it can be, getting between Cindy Crawford and a tray of freshly made pizza rolls. Trust me on this. It may save your life someday.
(This photo taken at the exact moment the microwave timer went off.)

Getting back on track, I’d like to showcase the amorous subtlety of a man who, if I were more of a cynic, I would assume sees the majority of his first dates end with either a restraining order, or a blast of well-deserved pepper spray to his face, given the vulgarity of his romantic proposals:

Yep… this is the sort of passionate invocation that could make Casanova himself rise out of his crypt, look around, read the following, and with a voice and intellectual presence sadly removed from this world since the Year of Our Lord 1798, look Nick squarely in his beady little eyes, and query ever so politely:

“Seriously… what in the f**king hell is wrong with you, Dude?”

To be brutally honest, despite my bachelor days apartment being once labeled with the not-too-far-off-the-mark designation as “Wayne’s Home for Wayward Strippers”, I still never managed to rack up the personal stats that Gene Simmons pf KISS allegedly has, But even I, on my most awkward of high-school days in the late 1980’s, could have delivered a far better attempt at setting up a successful sexual liaison than this vile vulgarian, and keep in mind ,that I once used to look like this:

I just have to ask, what type of woman would swoon at dialogue lifted straight out of a letter to Penthouse? You know, the kind that always starts off with “You’ll never believe this, but it happened to me one night, working the graveyard shift at my small-town 7-11”?

Now, due to the obviously unmfortable issues of financial liability that could arise from a poor choice of words, I won’t even dare suggest that the only way this guy could ever pick up an intelligent woman would be with the use of carefully applied chloroform and a windowless van, but I’ll digress, because who needs those kinds of legal hassles, am I right?

Sure, all the evidence that Nick has self-provided, and that I’ve presented thus far, might paint my newest BFF as an arrogantly ill-informed vulgar gun-stroking-fetishist who’s wooing skills are on par with his willing lack of political intellect, but fortunately, there’s nothing else left in his metaphorical toy-box for me to make snarky observations about.

Which I’m sure at this point, would make Nick breathe a small sigh of relief.
Nothing of course, except for two small, almost insignificant, hardly worth discussing at all, possible blemishes splotching his, as we’ve seen, truly impeccable character. I don’t know what it is about being a conservative White middle-aged male these days, but it seemingly demands that you embrace more than a few quirks that as a rule, are at best, exceedingly detrimental to successfully passing as a fully functioning human being.

These include, but are not limited to, jingoism, xenophobia, misogyny, gun-worship, perverted faith, dedication to being woefully uniformed, a sense of shirking one’s personal responsibility so strong that mythical God himself couldn’t scratch its paint-job, and of course, thinly-veiled racism inadequately disguised as either a belief in law and order, or as topical humor. To be fair, I have no idea or can even surmise if Nick holds any of these vile principles close to his heart, past the gun-love and willfully flawed partisan principles, but it’s also equally fair to state that where there’s smoke, there’s usually an ignorant firebrand hoping to turn it into a conflagration.

So, without further ado, let’s view the end result of racist smoke made into a racist joke:
Other than the fact that this idiocy shows this meme’s true colors by depraving the perfectly normal Mexican accent into a repugnant slur against an entire race, It also depicts Donald Trump as even more absurd, in regards to his racist narrative against Mexicans and their culture, than he normally (if inadvertently) portrays himself, and that’s truly saying something, given all the offenses that he’s proudly compiled, as if he were trying to win a special Proud Boys merit badge for such:

For the sake of accuracy if not culinary History, I’d note that Taco Salad, cannot be classified as a wholly Mexican dish, nor is it a separate American creation, either, It’s origins date back to the blending of cultural influences of Texas-born Mexicans, also known as Tejanos, who merged their cuisine with that of the westward-bound pioneers, who came to settle in Texas. And thus, the culinary juggernaut that found itself named after the Texas-Mexican Railway, known far and wide as “Tex-Mex” was born.

Or perhaps the true reason behind this excruciatingly cringe-worthy photo-op is as simple as his trying to persuade his gullible flock of check-writing, MAGA merchandise purchasing, incessantly bleating sheep to overlook the hypocrisy inherent in lauding a culture’s contribution to American gastronomy and its values, while demonizing its people as the sole reason as to why America is suffering all kinds of social ills, which to be brutally accurate, despite the fact that the horrors inflicted upon it, are often done so by its ruling class of one-percent predators, both literal and metaphorical, that Trump has always been an integral part of.
You know… now that I look at it from a different angle, I’m gonna have to amend my original assertion about Nick not holding somewhat racist views, and for the record, I’ll also say that while he’s obviously nowhere near the territory of holding a tiki-torch, I’d have to concurrently opine that he’s possibly more like a bigoted version of Diet Coke- it may have only a few calories, but it still possesses the same vile taste. And Nicky? When morons like your treasonous mango man-child build higher walls, there will always be people who come along with a taller ladder, or in the case of the never-to-be-built fantasy wall that you pleasure yourself to the thought of, a $10 hacksaw from Home Depot.

Next and thankfully, last up, we have a post that much like Axl Rose and his faux Guns N’ Roses mid-life crisis masquerading as a reboot, has not aged well:
What our politically impotent prophet Nickodumbass, is referring to here, is the series of nationwide protests that took place during Trump’s train-wreck of an administration, pushing back against a gamut of social offenses that ranged from unchecked acts of police brutality, to numerous and consistent attempts by the GQP to thwart our Constitutionally protected right to vote.

However, as is to be expected where the Republican ilk is concerned, this reality is deliberately jettisoned in favor of the false narratives regarding the random acts of violence that occurred at the demonstrations, and were, as proven to be in most cases, wholly independent of the protests themselves, the fault being laid at the feet of outside agitators unconnected to the cause itself, White Supremacists, and sometimes, the cops themselves, who were ostensibly there to keep order.

Several non-partisan studies, along with statistics provided by several law enforcement agencies, when tallied, have indicated that 93% of the protests, which occurred in all 50 states, were actually peaceful,. Yet another inconvenient factoid that Right-wing jacktards like Nick tend to ignore in favor of promoting their paranoid account in which our most prominent American cities would have been burnt down to the ground, if not for the intervention of the asinine arsonist who sparked the flames to begin with.  

Nick’s meme, presented as “proof’ that modern-day conservatives are truly the ones who are the paragon of maturity that should be emulated, is not only flat-out dead wrong in regards to the information that’s out there for public digestion, but is one of the better examples of how Trumpanzees such as Nick, successfully merge the duality of cognitive dissonance and sheer delusion.

While it is true that there were a scattered handful of anti-impeachment protests across the country, they never reached the fever-level of what was expected by law enforcement, and demanded by Trump himself, and for that we should be glad. But to state, and with a straight face no less, that Liberals or the Left-wing are “entitled spoiled brats” when your side protests everything from factual news reporting to the valid demand to hold those in power who abuse their authority accountable, that is when you’re not protesting the design on a Christmas coffee cup, is quite the hypocritical stretch, at best.

The reality of things as they stood, was that going into the impeachment hearing, both sides knew full well that the Republicans had no intention of ever seriously holding Trump to account for his numerous crimes to begin with, and that knowledge alone, was the underlying reason why widespread demonstrations were kept to a minimum, and not due to any overblown and faux sense of political maturity held in tandem by one side or the other.  

Nevertheless, the one specific area of scrutiny where Nick’s disingenuous valuation truly falls apart, much like a Kardashian under a heat lamp, is when you take even the most superficial of dives into the collective data concerning the Right-wing’s accumulated history of violence. The list I’m about to offer up for consideration may be far from complete, but even given its limited range, it is at the very least, indicative of the lengths to which conservatives will go, in the attempt to politically (if not literally) silence their opposition, both real and imagined.

To note; there was the Portland commuter train attack (2 dead), the Charlottesville car attack. (1d) the murder (1d) of a University of Pennsylvania sophomore named Blaze Bernstein in California, sixteen mail-bombs sent to various Democratic Party officials, as well as several harsh critics of then U.S. President, Donald Trump, mass shootings at two synagogues, one in Pittsburgh (11d), and one in California (1d), along with another mass event that took place at a Walmart in El Paso, Texas. (23d)  And I would be remiss in my duty of staying on top of things, if I didn’t include the latest slaughter of the innocent (8d) in three connected events in Colorado.

But regal us some more Nick, with your bullshit stories about the violence committed by those who tend to lean Left. I for one, can’t wait for yet another thrilling, if wholly inaccurate, installment. Naturally, I can’t leave such a steaming pile of crap sitting on the virtual doorstep of current reality, so let me respond, in the only way I know how. With facts. Now, to save myself some time, if not severe wrist cramp, I’m going to roughly paraphrase some data I included in a previous screed, and it is this:

And despite the incessantly mindless bleating of conservatives, Antifa has never been connected to a murder, let alone several, as has been falsely claimed. Even when the overall range was expanded to include incidents that occurred independent of the anti-fascist movement, Left-wing violence was only responsible for 21 deaths since 2010, versus the 117 committed by Right-wing extremists within the same period of time.

Adding further insult to the sanctity of alternate facts that conservatives tout as Gospel, the final tally of violence attributed to the Right-wing scorecard, is over 320 murders committed between 1994-2020, so please, my loyal boot-licking disciples of Cult 45, enlighten me as to how you did the math on this one.

I’m sure your PowerPoint presentation regarding such, will be utterly riveting.

Highlighting the very palpable danger that conservatives willingly provide safe harbor to, Seth Jones, a counter-terrorism expert and who was partially responsible for compiling the data collected, stated in an interview with London’s’ The Guardian newspaper, that: “Left-wing violence has not been a major terrorism threat. The most significant domestic terrorism threat comes from white supremacists, anti-government militias and a handful of individuals associated with the ‘boogaloo’ movement that are attempting to create a civil war within the United States.”

Well. This is awkward, isn’t it, Nick?

It seems that when it gets right down to the brass tacks, the ones who we as a society truly have to worry about, aren’t the people who protest for social change and civil rights, while wearing vagina hats, but are instead, the moronic mass that wrap themselves in the American flag, waves the Bible, and feel the need to strap on a fake dick before they can leave the house to go get coffee. Who could have guessed? You know, other than anybody with a working intellect who’s ever observed one of those Nuremberg cosplays that you gullible conservative sheep call a political rally, that is?

It boggles the mind, for no matter how you look at it, it appears that if you feed an under educated demographic a steady diet of paranoia, xenophobia, misogyny, racism, and wackadoo conspiracy theories, you’ll eventually wind up with an over-reactive base of cultists who on no more than a whim or a rumor, will gather up their freshly sharpened pitchforks and tiki-torches, and proceed to storm the local  castle, all while screaming about whatever fable Right-wing media told them to be morally upset about that day.

Speaking of which…

As your meme clearly states, “There were no protests, no riots, no looting, no shootings, no attacks on law enforcement, no building burnt.” And for the most part, this statement is true. Somewhat. There were several violent incidents at Trump rallies where counter-protestors were attacked without provocation, most of which werer gleefully cheered on by your now deposed Fanta Fascist. So your claim that your side is inherently more peaceful given this fact and the evidence above, is totally false, no matter how many memes you choose to post.

And then, there was the abominably deplorable events of January Sixth, 2021. Maybe you heard about it, Nick. Maybe you didn’t. But if I remember correctly, it was in the news for quite some time afterwards, so I’ll err on the side of caution, and fill you in on what you may have missed, because at my gore, I’m totally a people person. And because I am, I’ll balance what occurred against the so-called talking points of your meme Nick, by describing the proceedings of the day in the very same manner in which the Conservative hierarchy are attempting to do so now.

Hopefully, this approach will be A-OK with you Nick, because mythical God knows, I’d hate to put any metaphorical dents in your unwavering support of a pumpkin-tinted fascist.

Nick: “There were no protests, no riots…”

Well, that puts me in my place, as I guess this photo is of a free-spirited kegger that just got completely out of hand on the steps of the Capitol Building, right kids? I’m kidding of course, as this image, (a class photo of sorts) was obviously taken to serve as a future cherished reminder of the event, and to make it that much easier for the FBI to invite all these fine seditionists to a free of cost, but not free of charges, spa day possibly lasting several years, at one of our nation’s multiple finer secured government-run resorts.

Nick: “no looting…”
I can only assume that this real American patriot is just borrowing this podium stand for a parishioner conference at his church potluck, and will put it right back where he found it when he’s done. Remember kids, it’s not ‘looting” when you’re a White Conservative, so much as it’s “standing up for your constitutional rights”. That’s why he felt the need to liberate this item from its rightful place… because he couldn’t stand to see it being so oppressed by those soulless  commie Demonrats.

Literally, American selflessness personified..

Nick: “no shootings…”
This is actually true, as the only shooting that occurred, was by Capitol police, the unknowing stooges of Socialist bastards who, since day one of his God-mandated win, had been plotting against President Trump. Cold-bloodedly opening fire on a peaceful group of American Patriots, who were doing nothing more threatening than attempting to subvert American democracy, at best. The nerve of those badged bastards.

The bullet, fired by cowards claiming supreme authority, struck and subsequently killed, one Ashli E. Babbitt, a former Air Force veteran who, based on what those fact-checking Libtards dare to call a damnable lie, had been tricked into betraying her country. Play stupid seditionist games, win a stupid indiscriminate bullet in your stupid seditionist neck, and all that, I guess.

So congratulations Nick, you got one in the goal. Man, is there egg on my face or what?

Nick: “no attacks on law enforcement…”

Once again, Nick is essentially correct, as there were no attacks on law enforcement to speak of, no siree Bob. In fact, there were a handful of photos taken of the interaction between the Capitol Police and these true Patriots, and if anything, they definitively show the entirely serene, if not openly playful, nature of those who showed up en masse to take a quiet, peaceful, respectful, and leisurely tour of the hallowed halls of the Capitol.

As you can clearly see, the day started off with a high-spirited and competitive game of “Capture the Flag, if not a Legislator, so we can hang them”, and the numerous American flags so proudly displayed next to the one of a wrongly perceived corrupt and cowardly traitor, really hammer home the point that yes… this really did take place in our formerly glorious Republic:

This game of conservative grab-ass then evolved into a free-for-all version of “Red Rover”, with its revised chant of “Red Rover, Red Rover, send your insurrectionist incels over!”, and it’s fairly obvious from the satisfied look of contentment on the faces of the police, copious amounts of fun were truly being had by all in attendance this day.

In a further act of mutual respect and cooperation, here we see these not-at-all violent supporters of the Blue Lives Matter movement, assisting the police in putting away their adult baby-gates, because hands on the work, means the works of hand get done that much quicker:

However, the fun really kicked into the highest of gears, when the assorted throng broke out their personal supply of Silly String, and started dousing the police with it, in a light-heated attempt to help bridge their differences regarding what others (those Libtards yet again) might surmise to be a violent attempt at overturning the results of what we “all know” at this point, despite all evidence to the contrary, to be a fraudulent election:

According to the modern-day Nostradamus known as “Q”, Donald Trump is STILL the President, Joe Biden is operating out of a fake White House located on a Hollywood sound stage, and as soon as Kamala Harris, Obama, Pelosi, Schumer, the Pope, both of the Clintons, and that fake Captain America from Disney’s Falcon and the Winter Soldier, are rounded up and arrested, Trump will take his rightful place, yet again seated firmly and permanently, in the highest office of the land.

In *fact, *[This is actually NOT a fact, something my lawyers told me that I had to make very clear, or they were all going to quit, as a group] all of this came to pass on November 3rd of 2020. Oops, my bad. I meant it took place on January 6’th, thanks to those stalwart patriots. It didn’t, you say? I’m ever so sorry, as what I should have obviously said was that it most certainly happened no later than January 20’th.

And if not, then rest assured, come March 4’th, or possibly later, due to an unforeseen bagged pork rinds shortage, that on the 20’th, the Prophecy as declared by the omnipotent “Q” Continuum will be not only reality, but future Lore for the ages:

Oh, mythical God dammit- I just looked down at my German word-a-day desk calendar and noticed that the current date is March 28’th, 2021. Either I overlooked something crucial in the last QAnon Email blast I was sent, or my limited-edition Nostradamus Scrying Bowl is on the fritz… again. Never mind. I got the issue licked. Turns out, I was using tap water instead of the recommended Healing Waters of Lourdes, hence the reason why the only vision I could see was that of Milla Jovovich eating cake:
[ Photo credit: https://www.instagram.com/millajovovich/?hl=en ]

Nevertheless, if I were to be brutally honest, I kind of always see that vision in my head 24/7 to begin with, and that’s regardless of whether I’m staring into a bowl of mystical water or not. So, maybe we should all take this observation of mine with about a pound and a half of salt, give or take an ounce.

Speaking of incorrect opinions, let’s get back to the subject of the non-riot, and Nick’s highly erroneous statement of there being “no attacks on law enforcement…” Thanks to all the selfies, journalistic stills, and videos that this mob of pustular Patriots willingly self-posted, we as a nation and as its citizenry, know this to be false, beyond any form of credible reproach. But I did say that I was going to approach this event in the same manner that the conservative hierarchy is doing, so here’s yet another photo of loyal American constitutionalists peacefully interacting with the Capitol police:If you deign to dare risk listening to the Lamestream Media, you might be led to believe that this image depicts an officer of the law who was just doing his job, facing the possibility of being crushed to death behind a door by a mob of treasonous twittering twats, but nothing could be further from the truth.

What is actually happening in this cherry-picked photo designed to deceive my fellow Americans, is simply a devoted cosplay depicting a modern take on the death of Giles Corey, that took place in 1692 Salem, Massachusetts.  For those of you not familiar with this tale, Giles Corey was an English-born American farmer who along with his wife, was accused of witchcraft during the Salem Witch trials.

Immediately following his arrest, Corey refused all attempts to force him to enter a plea, and was subjected to being crushed under stones in an effort to force him to admit guilt, which he steadfastly refused to do. His immortal last words were allegedly: “more weight.”, which in my humble opinion, and that without question, is possibly the most badass thing I’ve ever heard.

Nevertheless, I’d request that you ignore the contemptible aspects of this insurrection at the hands of people who religiously fly Blue Lives Matter flags, when they’re not directly involved in injuring over 130 police officers, and ruinously caving in the head of a Capitol police officer with a random fire extinguisher, which led to his succumbing to his injuries a day later. For the record, this is what a patriot looks like, Nick:
Capitol Police Officer and Veteran, Brian Sicknick. If there was indeed a just and merciful God, he’d demand that every one of these bastards would have this man’s name tattooed on their empty f**king heads,

Personally, I’ve always envisioned my death at the hands of, or for accuracy’s sake, the mutated dorsal fins of a half human, half-shark cyborg army, but no matter how I check out, I hope it can go down in the permanent record that I did so while exuding a level of big dick energy so massively impressive that it would make the late John Holmes want to zip up his pants, cry into his cocaine, and quit the adult film business altogether.

Ironically, keeping one’s pants zipped up, ties directly, if not ironically, into the last inane narrative being disseminated by Republicans, that being the amount of damage done by Liberals during protests versus when Conservatives decide to run amuck.

Amuck, amuck, amuck.

One thing I’ve noticed over the years though, is that when conservatives are the cause of, or are seemingly invested in the minutiae of a riot, it’s never “their” fault, the party line always being that regardless of whatever mayhem they may have directly triggered, they’re the real victims, and deserve either benevolent consideration, or an outright free pass, irrespective of consequence. So, for my final foray into this dissection of density, I’ll address Nick’s final point of hypocritical inanity.

And just so we’re clear, this is what a “riot” looks like, according to Conservatives, and as such, it requires a cadre of militarized police and armored vehicles, as it’s blatantly obvious that these unarmed people of uppittyness pose a quantifiable threat to both our society at large, and the cops watching them, who just so happen to be outfitted much as Seal Team Six were when they went looking for Osama Bin Laden:  :However, when it comes to White people tearing apart a town after their local sports franchise succeeds in their attempt to win the Super Bowl, World Series, Stanley Cup, NBA finals, or as often is the case where the New York Jets are concerned, a free bowl of homemade soup and a much-needed reassurance hug, then the resultant chaos is breezily classified as no more than a bunch of true fans engaging in a “spirited celebration”, that rejoices in showcasing the most resilient of individual team spirit:
Now, if I were to willingly continue carrying the mantle of hypocritical revisionism as I’ve been doing (albeit tongue in cheek), thus far, I’d opine that the conservative movement’s dedicated commitment to literal whitewashing is truly a wonder for the ages, if not an invaluable reference for future fascist propagandists. Nevertheless, I do have to directly address the last point of order, in Nick’s meme, and in keeping with the established theme, I’ll try to spin it harder than James Bond found himself, while strapped inside that absurdly coenient centrifuge chamber and improbable death-trap, from 1979’s  “Moonraker”::


This celluloid carnage masquerading as a film aside, Nick’s last so-called point, while fundamentally true, albeit from a cherry-picking on steroids POV, shares more than a few characteristics with this movie, the main one being that it’s not aging well at all, and ironically, for the very same reasons. First off, the story itself is ridiculously implausible, the performances are woodenly cliché, and in the end, when the situation depicted within is measured against the real world, it falls apart entirely.

In that fashion, it’s akin to almost every narrative cake that the conservative cabal serves up almost daily, if not hourly. Some of you may recall Nick’s last slice of cravenly crumb-cake that he was doling out as if it were a gift of necessary wisdom for the inane masses, was topped with those yummy sprinkles of faux offense, that conservatives like to scatter far and wide, as if they were frantically casting for their lost political relevance. This, for no other reason than to attempt to reverse the well-deserved perception that they’ve willingly and proudly, allowed themselves to become walking punchlines. To quote Nickodumbass here, hopefully one last time;

Nick: “no buildings burnt. Wait until the Senate throws out the impeachment as unlawful. That’s when we’ll see the riots. That’s the difference between conservatives and entitled spoiled brats.”

It’s quite the rarity that when I’m knee-deep in the act of writing, that I take a personal moment of reflection to cast my eyes upward towards the celestial throne of the mythical God, and openly thank him for the unexpected gifts I’m about to receive, but damn… I’m thinking that not only am I going to send a few sacrificial lambs his way, I’m going to happily toss in a few top-shelf Utah volcano virgins as well, to directly thank him for taking all that time off from his busy personal schedule to do so:

I have always prided myself on my singular dedication to accuracy, clarity, and most importantly of all, honesty, so I will more than happily concur that when it comes to the particulars of the Capitol insurrection, that indeed, there were “no buildings burnt’, whatsoever. Sure, the cops may have found more than a few homemade pipe bombs deliberately placed among the federal compound in which the Capitol normally peacefully resides, but to be fair, that’s Anarchist ordinance, not actual fire.

So I guess, these traitors to the values of America at the very least, have truly earned their Smokey Bear Awards, and yes… that is a genuine thing:  
See? I don’t just pull this sort of stuff indiscriminately out of the Internet’s intangible ether, you know. Some of this is actually planned in advance. And speaking of things that were obviously prearranged, how about these nifty and according to conservatives desperate to divert attention away from their collective’s abominable act, totally coincidental T-shirts spotted at this anti-BBQ celebrating light treason?
But once again, nothing at this point had been, or was supposed to be set ablaze. Unless of course, these stumbled across a legislator or two to use as potential cordwood, that is. In fact, these totally peaceful protestors went so far as to walk the halls of the capitol, to gently remind their fellow compatriots of this unspoken decree, utilizing colorful flags and banners, whose inherent meaning is that of unity, human dignity, and unwavering allegiance to one’s homeland, rather than the Orange-Crush-tinted leader of an abhorrently dense personality cult:
Whatever you do, if those Libtards point out that this photo represents nothing but the vilest betrayal of what America represents, given the fact that the Stars and Bars is literally a horrendous symbol that we went to war over, just remind them that “no buildings were burnt”, and trust me… that’ll shut them the hell up, and make them cry those snowflake gtears that we’ve yet to actually see, but we know are coming… someday. Soon.

So, in the end, no buildings were burnt, and when all is taken into consideration regarding this outstanding truth, all is sweetness and light, am I right?Regrettably, that answer seems to be a rather emphatic “f**k no, it is not”, as these images of one of the most detestably dark days in the history of our Republic reaffirm, bolstered by the myriad of selfies, videos, and numerous social media humble brags these seditious bastards saw fit to post as the most virtuous example of unfettered patriotism: :
Keep in mind, this building DOES have doors, but to be fair, when you’re an over-amped cult-monkey whose critical thinking skillset is on par with that of a drunken urinal-cake to  begin with, it’s probably difficult to overcome your lack of opposable thumbs as well:
I’m not going to lie here, as I’m all about the honesty, but when I originally saw this photo, the first thing that came to mind regarding what my eyes and soul were registering, was this, minus the banners and Chines-made red hats, of course:
But as Nick noted accurately: “no buildings were burnt”. However, the contents of the building ranging from random furniture to interior glass partitions, didn’t fare as well, and the carnage left behind in the wake of this destructive seditionist swath of destruction was evident, even outside of the Capitol itself:

’d give dollars to doughnuts that conservative pundits will spin the cost of the Capitol’s harm, estimated to be around 30M, as an economic boom to the small business community in DC as a golden opportunity to recoup those monies lost during the COVID-19 crisis. After all, somebody has to clean up the mess, straighten the curtains, wipe off the greasy fingerprints on all the shiny surfaces, replace all those windows and damaged access doors, that the mob both made entry though and tried to crush the police behind, and let’s not forget their final unexpected parting gift, one of maturity and rationality that was calculatingly distributed to further degrade what was once hallowed ground.

If you haven’t guessed, that present of pestilence was delivered in the form of pooled urine on the tiled floors, and human feces painted on the walls.

Yes, you heard that correctly. As they fought to establish their base of control, at no time did they ever decide to express their faux rage and political impenitence in the form of spray-painted slogans, or to stage a principle-based occupation. Instead, they as a unified cravenly collective, decided that in lieu of positively progressive action, an act of degenerate repulsiveness was the definitive go-to. What fine people. What noble Patriots. What exemplary Americans. What unintentional future cautionary tales for the ages.

But thank the mythical God above, at least fire wasn’t involved. Gotta take the bitter with the sweet, as my Grandmother was overly fond of saying, and all that. For the unfortunate legislators of America’s governance,who fled these halls under duress, this revolting act of desecration could only be perceived as the sole demented domain of the wretched, the ignorant, and dare I say it, the entitled. This scatological gesture, in and of itself, is no less than the perfect metaphor for who and what the conservative movement truly represents with pride, no matter what they’d like the rest of us to believe, or mercifully forget.

Can you just imagine what level of horror these congressional custodians had to experience, come the morning of the 7’th? And all of it, due to the sheer insanity of their so-called fellow humans, Just think of how many mounds of smashed glass. splintered piles of destroyed furniture, and other incidental damage that these embryonic sacks of rotting offal left behind, within the offices and chambers whose sanctity they so arrogantly and insolently, vandalized, looted, and ultimately violated, without a single shred of remorse to be found amongst the lot.

Especially in regards to those who once again, have to clean up their asinine and abominable mess. These are not people as the clinical definition states, nor can they be characterized as animals either, as is often the case when our society discovers that there are those who walk beside us, who have willingly surrounded all that which makes them human.

Nevertheless, this most virulent form of walking soul cancer, comprised of the very same brood that Nick has chosen to both openly defend and showcase his slavish allegiance to, are the end result of what happens when you allow those in power to disseminate ignorance under the misinformed belief that granting an open platform to such, and to those who espouse falsehoods as truth, is somehow, a step towards being graciously equitable to the contextual aspect of truly Free Speech.

So, when someone like dickless Nick here, suggests that it’s the imaginary “Alt-left’ that our country has to be on guard about, as his chosen side runs over protestors and mows down civilians inside shopping centers and synagogues, it should set the blood of anyone with an actual working intellect, boiling, to say the very least.

I feel I would be somewhat remiss however, if I didn’t acknowledge the certainty that if Nick ever deigns to read this pixelated pontification of mine, he’ll either be personally embarrassed to the point of contrition, which I strongly doubt, or more likely- he’s going to be as mad as any gibberish spouting guntard who discovers five minutes into his nude “rifle-polishing” routine, that he’s run out of the gun lube that brings him so much personal joy, if not a much-desired endorphin release.

That visual, an image I will have to burn out of my brain using a car battery and some strategically placed jumper cables, does lead into my next point- that being, one does not get to churlishly chastise his fellow citizens and humans for stepping up to secure the basic dignity and respect that all inherently deserve, while his in-league compatriots do everything they can to hinder that progression, by either the application of force, or more insidiously, utilizing the most partisan of Machiavellian schemes pathetically camouflaged as valid legislation.  

Let me tell you, there’s no better way to authenticate your self-claimed position as a lover of Constitutional Freedom, than by either promoting violence against your perceived political enemies, or doing so in conjunction with unethically stacking the deck in relation to established electoral law. It strikes as amazing, does it not, that influential voter fraud was literally a non-existent crime in this country, until we got a conservative administration that both weaponized it as the most effective of propaganda, as they normalized its use to maintain their death-grip on legislative and cultural influence.

This is not to say or allege directly, that Nick has been brainwashed by this obvious set of machinations, but I feel it is also reasonable to perhaps suggest that at the very least, his metaphorical bed sheets have definitely been run through the fluff-cycle way more than they should have been.

Nevertheless, I don’t want to end this screed full of merited bitch-slaps directed at a cravenly candy-ass on a down note, because as I often like to point out, and this for some strange reason, has to be done almost regularly, at my core- I’m truly a people person, just chock full of the Kombucha of human kindness. To prove this assertion that I know some of you may disagree with somewhat, I’ll offer the following heartfelt observation for Nick’s current political… oh what the hell, let’s all be charitable and refer to it as a “mindset”, if only for the sake of assisting the dialogue to reach the apogee, as it were.

In 1995, the renowned astrophysicist Carl Sagan, published his 12tn book, “The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark”, in which, his intent was to elucidate the scientific method in laymen’s language in an optimistic bid to encourage people to learn critical and skeptical thinking, a methodology that Nick seems blissfully unencumbered with. Ignorance being the highest state of obtainable bliss, and all that.

One of the more relatable passages, at least to myself anyway, was his take on exactly just why we as a hard-wired monkey-brained species, find it ever so difficult to accept even the merest of perceived challenges to what we consider to be our long-held values and conceived beliefs. I’m only posting it here for public dissemination because I truly believe that Nick, if he condescends to pay attention, might actually acquire a valuable perspective from within it. Think of it as me extending an olive branch of sorts, after gleefully using Nick as a personal chew-toy for close to 13.5K words.

And if said branch is refused? Well… then I can always slap him upside his empty head with it, so it’s not a total loss in the end, after all. Once again, taking the sweet with the bitter, and all that. To quote the man who placed the wonders of all things scientific in our living rooms;

“One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.”

The intrinsic message that Sagan set forth is obvious, well-stated, and most importantly to the issue at hand, still damningly relevant. Nick however, being who he truly is, and for what he represents, may not see it that way, and that’s fine. To quote the villainous Rock God “Mok” from the 1983 animated cult classic, Rock N’ Rule; “Too bad. We all have our illusions, far be it from me to take away yours.” Personally, I would go one step further and employ the newly tweaked maxim that says, “You can lead a schmuck to the waters of intellectualism, but you can’t make them partake.”

Fortunately for us, drowning is still an open option, so there’s that to look forward to, when all other avenues have been ultimately explored and exhausted.

Fortunately, drowning them in evidence is still an open option, so there’s that to look forward to, when all other avenues have been ultimately explored and exhausted. So, Nick if you are reading this, I’m hoping you are having a moment of personal introspection, even if that insight comes as you sit fuming in your suburban armory, a singular vein in that sloping Neanderthal brow you pass off as a forehead, throbbing in time with your heartbeat, as if it were a strobe light at a Daft Punk concert.

After all, wasn’t it you who told me directly, if not crudely, as seems to be your way, that you were defending my “right of freedom of speech” too? Of course, it was!

I can only hope you appreciate how I decided to use it.  

“A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.” – Baltasar  Gracian









































































































































































































Death Takes a Holman-day. (Death and the Craven)

I am not afraid of death threats, but I am appalled that so many people are capable of so much wrong spelling and fractured grammar!”- Miriam

Hello, Bitchiteers!

Today’s blogvella could be best defined by my long-held conviction, that threats are the sanctuary of the inarticulate, the inane, and the truly incompetent. Regardless of whatever flaw of character I decide to choose, they would all fill the need to serve as a launch pad for this, my newest slice of Snark. I’ve often joked that I have always judged my success by the enemies I’ve acquired, while also simultaneously noting with dire seriousness, that I also require a far better class of enemy.

Although to be quite honest, I would happily settle for one that couldn’t be as easily distracted by a box of bubble wrap or a Fleshlight with a set of fresh batteries, as most seem to be. But I’m also fond of this inherent weakness to be found in my detractors, for as Napoleon Bonaparte once stated; “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” And that, my loyal readers, is some hard-won and sage advice, no matter how you choose to spread it on your croissant.

And when it comes to the subject of what goes atop my pretentious bread, it’s a pretty simple combination of sugared venom, cynicism, and curmudgeonly guidance. It’s an acidic formula I’ve perfected over the last 52 years of walking upon this f**ked up Earth, and while it works perfectly fine for me, I will also openly acknowledge that it (and I) are ofttimes, not always everyone’s ideal cup of tea. What can I say? Some people are all about the coffee, and there’s nothing that I can do about that, not that I’d bother to try. See, without dissenting opinions, the world itself would be a rather boring place, and I’ve always felt that in order to achieve any kind of progress, all the cards as they were, need to be dealt out on the proverbial table.

This opinion of mine brings to mind the late comedian Richard Jeni, who had a joke about how your first date with a potential life-partner should take place not at a dinner table, but at a card table, where each of you would present your emotional issues, which had been conveniently printed up on cards, so that you could then be completely honest with each other:

Bob: “Hi, I’m Bob- I’m a Scorpio.”
Sally: ”Hi. I’m Sally. I’m a Psycho.”

Bob: “My father locked me in the closet when I was five years old.”
Sally: “My father came out of the closet when I was seven years old.”

Bob: “I’m self-centered and obsessed with my appearance.”
Sally: “I’m from Los Angeles, also.”

Just imagine how much smoother the world would run if we always knew who we were really dealing with, whether that knowledge was desired or disdained. I for one, would have made far better selections if I had been privy to the true intent of certain people, let me tell you. For instance, that whole three-and-a-half-year period where I was once engaged to a woman who was so well known for her infidelity, that I should have had one of those “take-a-number “dispensers installed outside of our bedroom.

I’m not going to lie here- when the woman you thought you loved comes home with enough strange DNA on her lips to warrant an episode of Cold Case Files, that’s when the subscription cost of precognitive vison definitively pays for itself. On the upside however, it did reinforce the concept expressed by poet Maya Angelou: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”, which, once again, is good advice, no matter how you choose to microwave your chimichanga. Taking it one step further, lauded American journalist and cultural critic Henry Louis Mencken opined that “Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.”, which led to my once displaying a certain returned engagement ring in a shadowbox with a plaque echoing this point of emotive discord.

But in hindsight, should I really have taken my cues regarding my personal healing process from a guy who looked like this?

Unquestionably, the man was a brilliant satirist, essayist, and academic, but as my GF noted, just on his looks alone, that if he offered you an unexpected cocktail, you’d most likely dump it out into a houseplant when he wasn’t looking, so maybe his view of inter-personal observations on the fairer sex should be taken with a grain of salt or two. In fact, when I showed her this photo, her visceral reaction was to say “Yeesh… that’s unfortunate.” Ouch.

Granted, this photo answers the question as to what the Pillsbury Doughboy might look like if he had decided to go work for Al Capone, instead of fostering his passion for baked goods, but I digress. The point that I’m trying to make here is that we never really know what’s in the heart of certain people, due to the variance of their personal experiences.

But when it comes to those on the alt-right side of things, what’s in their hearts isn’t that hard to decipher, thanks to their need to projectile vomit it out every five minutes. I’ve touched upon this topic before, so I won’t reiterate my take on it here yet again, but it’s fairly obvious that when it comes to the modern-day conservative movement, there’s a severe disconnect from both Reality and basic Humanity, to be certain. This social and cultural position, underpinned by nothing more that arrogant idiocy and paranoia, fomented by such fringe groups as QAnon and the like, has taken the belief in rather innocuous conspiracy theories, and weaponized them to a terrifying degree unforeseen in this country, prior to the implementation of the Internet.

You would think that in an era where just using my phone, I can order the box set of “The Secrets of Isis” (originally aired under the singular “Isis”), a live-action TV kids show that aired on CBS from 1975-1976, and whose plot centered around Andrea Thomas, an ordinary schoolteacher, who when presented with predicaments that a mere mortal cannot find resolution for, transforms into the Egyptian goddess Isis, using an ancient mystical gold amulet known as the “Tutmose amulet,” then it’s reasonable to assume that any one of these jingoistic jackasses could easily do the same as to where research on a wide range of topics is concerned.

Or maybe not, considering they’d watch this show, and then immediately afterwards, go post on Facebook that there was proof of Magic and Reincarnation, if you only knew where to look.

It’s kind of like they’ve been doing in regards to the 2020 election and the non-existent Issue of voter fraud that Trump concocted out of bulls**it and thin air. Keep this curiosity in mind, if you would-,a Public Policy Polling survey conducted in 2015, found that 30% of Republicans supported the bombing of Agrabah, which just so happens to be, the imaginary realm portrayed in the Disney movie Aladdin. To be transparent, if not equitably fair, so did 19% of polled Democrats, but that’s more due to philosophical differences with Jafar, in relation to his administration’s difficulties in establishing a diplomatic relationship with the residing-in-lamps Jinn community.
First piece of free advice, Jafar? Lose the attitude. It’s not helping. And keep your hands to yourself.

However, if I can pull up the airtime stats, a comprehensive cast list, long-forgotten publicity photos, and the premise of a 46-year-old kids TV show in under 12 seconds, then these uncivil dumbasses can easily discover the truth about voter fraud from a reputable source, versus one provided by some conspiracy theorist’s website run out of what I would have to assume given all indicators, is a tin-foil-clad studio apartment. However, our collective experience and common sense dictate that they won’t endeavor to do so, because not only is the act of research hard on their limited intellect, intrinsically knowing that they’re just plain wrong to begin with, is even harder on their ever so fragile Id.

Hence their need for their hate rallies and their pages on Facebook that serve as safe-spaces and echo chambers alike, and when their fabricated fantasies fail to win the day against the unceasing scourge of damn Libtards armed with actual reality-based facts, they fall back on the only pure response that they have left to use: the treat of targeted violence. If one goes onto any random Right-wing discussion forum, Facebook page, or website catering to the demographic of these conservative cucks, you’ll find a common theme and/or complaint throughout.

Is it regarding how they hate being called “racist” for doing and saying racist things? Or maybe it’s referencing how they’re going to make America “great? Again? By “taking it back” from… well, who it is changes from day to day, but you get the idea. Nope, it’s far simpler than that, I’m happy to report. It turns out the one party who wants to give American citizens access to truly affordable Healthcare, thinks free college should be a thing, as they endlessly advocate for a living wage, as well as and along with believing minorities, women and the LGBTQ community are actually people, are really the dangerously violent ones, all evidence to the contrary be dammed.

In fact, when one tallies up the numbers, using data compiled by a thinktank called the Center for Strategic and International Studies, which compared 900 politically-charged subversions and murders in the United States since 1994, it discovered that only one person’s death in the past two and a half decades was linked to the anti-fascist movement and it’s affiliates, the person who wound up dying, was the lone attacker themselves. And despite the incessantly mindless bleating of conservatives, Antifa has never been connected to a murder, let alone several, as has been falsely claimed. Even when the overall range was expanded to include incidents that occurred independent of the anti-fascist movement, Left-wing violence was only responsible for 21 deaths since 2010, versus the 117 committed by Right-wing extremists within the same period of time.

Adding further insult to the sanctity of alternate facts that conservatives tout as Gospel, the final tally of violence attributed to the Right-wing scorecard, is over 320 murders committed between 1994-2020, so please, my loyal boot-licking disciples of Cult 45, enlighten me as to how you did the math on this one. I’d love to hear if it’s the same inane method you employed to rationalize why you’re attacking the Capitol to usurp American democracy, murdering a cop as you did so, while injuring 140 others, qualifies as a patriotic act that no one should be held accountable for, versus an act of complicit treason that should cost either your citizenship, or your freedom, for the next 20 years, instead.

I’m sure your PowerPoint presentation regarding such, will be utterly  riveting.,

Highlighting the very palpable danger that conservatives willingly provide safe harbor to, Seth Jones, a counter-terrorism expert and who was partially responsible for compiling the data collected, stated in an interview with London’s’ The Guardian newspaper, that: “Left-wing violence has not been a major terrorism threat. The most significant domestic terrorism threat comes from white supremacists, anti-government militias and a handful of individuals associated with the ‘boogaloo’ movement that are attempting to create a civil war within the United States.”

If I were to be flippant, I might make a tasteless joke about not fearing a civil uprising from persons who when they got control of the Capitol, held onto it for less time than it took for most of them to travel there, but I won’t. Even the stupidest of these seditious lard-brains could manage to do some serious carnage if properly motivated, but minus that influence, the risk that they pose is limited mostly to themselves, or depending on their gender, a particularly fetching apple pie or cucumber, once they get done having improper relations with it.

In essence, the majority of these faux American Patriots and loyal foot soldiers for a homegrown Mango Mussolini, are at best, complete and utter blowhards. Total windbags. Or gasbags, as it all depends on what they had for lunch. Certainly, cockalorums to their core, braggarts at best, and far more prone to playing soldier in the woods if not their local Walmart, than actually signing up to go serve their country with the Honor and Dignity they eagerly sacrificed to a spray-tanned calf.

“Meal Team Six, standing by, Mr. President!!!”

In other words, the personification of cowardice, hypocrisy, and ultimately, willing enablers of sedition against the country they supposedly love, while simultaneously hating everyone in it. A small aside: if you find yourself happily keeping company with people that would make Aldrich Ames, Robert Hanssen, and the quintessential American traitor Benedict Arnold, feel right at home, you may want to seriously reconsider your applied standards as to whom you add as a Facebook friend in the future, just a suggestion.

And this, finally- brings me around to the topic for today, that being what happens when this collection of cravenly sedition-supporting sycophants finds themselves facing an impasse, due to both an obviously flawed sense of patriotic loyalty and an exceedingly limited emotional intellect, that they doggedly refuse to improve, whether that’s through the act of self-education or acquiring the skill-set necessary to wean themselves successfully off the GQP Kool-Ade they’ve been mainlining for the last five years..
For me, it isn’t a question of “Can any of these cultists actually do that?”, so much as it is: “Will they ever come back to Reality and decide they genuinely want to?”

Sadly, we all know the answer most likely will be “no”, even when faced with the consistently proven evidence that to their tinted tin-man, they are nothing more than a willing to be defrauded piggybank at best, and traction for the bus he’ll gleefully and eventually throw them under, at worst. And when it comes to marching into battle, they’ll also serve as cannon fodder, his human shields, and subsequent scapegoat for avoiding personal culpability, because there’s no way he’d ever risk himself by leading the charge right out front, and he sure as f**k wouldn’t ever accept the consequences of such an action, as he’s proven more than once.

However, my screed today isn’t going to be fixated on our now thankfully disposed and wholly treacherous Adderall Adulterer, or even his base of bloviating pinheads overall, either. Nope, all of my focus is going to be on only one or two of his fallacious fan-base, who just happen to be excellent examples of how not to handle critical dissent directed at your so-called belief system.

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, Klingons and Cardassians alike, may I present this guy, who’s our first recipient of my Snarkitude, this conservatively charming fellow, who goes by the name of Christopher Daniel Holman:

This walking gift card for Ted Nugent’s SpiritWild Mall.com, made flesh, Holman is an alleged denizen of Silver City, NM, a charming little hamlet, located roughly a three-hour drive away from scenic Tucson, AZ, and previously, resided in the far more famous city of Roswell, NM, a town rumored to be the crash site of a UFO that supposedly occurred in July of 1947.

And when he’s not taking selfies of himself fondling what could be considered by those of a cynical perception as an over-dramatic substitute for what may be allegedly lacking between his legs, he likes to threaten total strangers and the political demographic they represent, with the threat of Death.

You know, as you do in regards to all disagreements, both personal and political?Unfortunately, it’s never this version of the Grim Reaper as drawn by Arthur Adams that shows up to collect you, sad to say, because if it was, I’d be on that faster than I would a box of chilled Ding-Dongs, but I’ve had far too much private experience touching the bunny-slippers of Death, and can personally attest that this particular incarnation is way more on the proverbial money:

Whatever you do, don’t bring up the fact that William “Bill” S. Preston Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan totally kicked his ass, after challenging him to what was supposed to be no more than a friendly game tourney, consisting of Battleship, Twister, Electric Football, and the classic board game, Clue. Seriously- he’s “Death”. How did he not know it was Colonel Mustard in the Library with the candlestick?  Sure, we’ve all made that mistake at least once in our pursuit of mindful entertainment, but this is literally his sole purpose for being- collecting the souls of the dearly and not-so-dearly departed, and ferrying all them off to either their everlasting reward or an eternal and deservedly damnable punishment.

That’s his forever gig, and whether you wish to personify Death as Charon, Thanatos, [not to be confused with Marvel’s evil purple version of The Grimace, AKA: Thanos] Ankou, Śmierć, Giltinė, Laima, Yama, Izanagi, or Memitim, Death is Yin to Life’s Yang, and exists solely as such, despite his name being dropped for eons as the ultimate form of threat, regardless of its credibility. For example, if our parents had actually “killed” us every single time they threatened to, none of you would be here reading this now, and that, is as certain as you know it is to be.

Speaking as a (relatively) well-adjusted adult who somehow survived a disturbingly abusive childhood, the metering of consequences, via the threat of physical violence, almost makes me feel nostalgic, if I were to be so blunt. Once you’ve characterized the act of being strangled with a lamp cord by your Mom as a 12 year old, to be no more than a rite of passage, everything after that is a pure cakewalk in the park, to be honest. So, when I experience threats both credible and laughable in regards to my politics and/or writing, it’s best sunned up by displaying this attitude:
Part of this outlook is due to my inherently cynical personality, and the remainder, because I live under the threat of my health going South on a moment’s whim to begin with. I’m literally tied (via a catheter line) to an insulin pump, an $8500 piece of med-tech that I wear 24/7, save for two hours a week, when I have to recharge its batteries. Now, as I’ve oft noted before, considering the level of nerve pain level I find myself experiencing on the day said threats are delivered, factoring in any of the secondary medication-related side-effects, and dependent on my personal to-do list, I may actually welcome them inside my house.

And that, with no small sense of glee, I’m sure.

So, how and where exactly, does the aforementioned Christopher Daniel Holman fit into this theoretical end-of-my-days scenario? Let me start at the beginning as all good (and some not so good) epics start- that being the sewer-land that is an internet comment section. In my case, that would be the one pinned to the Silver City Sun News, which, according to its FB page bio, is; “your news, entertainment and information resource for Silver City, Grant County, the Gila Region, the Mimbres Valley, and the Mining District – Bayard, Santa Clara and Hurley, New Mexico.”

And as is to be expected from most small-town newspapers, its comment section tends to be rather “spirited” when it comes to debating both the local and national issues of the day, but it rarely goes past the boiling-point of insulting somebody’s lineage, hence the reason why I enjoy using the serious query of “Why do I get the feeling that your family tree resembles a wreath?” so much.

Handle that joke with care kids, because at this point, this go-to classic qualifies as an antique,

The comment thread in question, was inspired by an article regarding the colossal political failure that was Trump’s fantasy border wall, and after I had dared to lay down a a fact-smack regarding the stats of such, as I’m apt to do, this barely sentient jar of Holman mayonnaise showed up, and posted this, a response that one could only perceive as a rational retort to their being directly challenged as to why their personal opinion was erroneously uninformed:

Normally, when I receive these missives of mental illness made tangible, they get routinely designated into three distinct categories; Imminent, Irrelevant, and Idiotic. As you might surmise, the majority of these pathetic attempts at cravenly coercion directed my way, generally fall into the last two classifications, rather than the first and far more ominously disturbing one, thank Odin.

But as to the reason why most of these vitriolic epistles sent my way are so easily dismissed by yours truly, the answer is twofold: the first part of it lies in the distance that most of these pinheads would have to travel to teach me their form of manners, an act which is hard to finance, given the current monetary status of most of these tantrum-throwing twats, and the second is that the majority of them always seem to fall into one of these archetypes:

The mentally obese;

The morbidly paranoid;

And my personal favorite: The allegedly milquetoast cuckold who claims nevertheless, that they’re really an Alpha, despite what their habit of taking selfies with their substitute penii consistently proves who and what they are, beyond a shadow of doubt:

[ Photo Credit: ©Jon Langkov ]

In retrospect, this designation could never be expected to drive future T-shirt sales, as it doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, as it needs to, so let me just rechristen this ilk with the far catchier Ball-less Beta-Bitches, and move on to the topic at hand. Overall, Mr. Holman isn’t really that much of a standout when it come to the endless litany of threats that I receive, as I tend to judge and that rather harshly, on the creativeness of said threat, if not its endeavored execution, but there was one thing that did put him a notch or two above the fray, as it were, and that would be his inadvertently bad sense of timing in issuing it.

A note from me to you- if you’re going to vomit forth utterances of “hunting liberals”, you probably shouldn’t do it roughly a week after your related incel ilk murdered a police officer as they attempted to overturn democracy, as most law enforcement agencies have been taking sort as of late, in regards to that sort of thing. And unfortunately for Mr. Holman, so do I. It’s one thing to inform me tha5 if we ever meet, you’ll “learn me something”, although I’m pretty sure without fear of reproach, that said lesson you’re so graciously offering won’t involve any insightful tips on grammar, spelling, or critical thinking, but when you imply that you’ll be going full Zodiac as well, then you and I are going to have a problem or two, right from the get-go.

But let it never be said that I am not a man of action, so I did what all men of action do- I squirmed into a set of brightly colored Spandex tights, put my underwear on over that as is the classic style, slipped on my custom conservative-skin boots, tied a cape around my neck, and set off into the skies of my metaphorical Mayberry to fight for Truth, Justice, and the American Way. Whatever the hell that is nowadays, as its been a while since I went to one of the meetings. Oops, my bad. I got the American Way confused with my Amway distributorship. On a related note, does anybody need body lotion?

Because I have three cases at home, of just the thing.

All kidding aside, I did what I always do when serious credence must be given to the possibility that some alleged weaponized wackadoo may be only one perceived internet thread slight away from deciding to finally go into that Barnes & Noble a block away from his house, and reenacting Sandy Hook- I contacted the authorities, ASAP. And as I noted earlier, their collective sense of humor these days, is a mite thin when it comes to accepting as flippancy, the statements such as the ones Mr. Holman publicly posted, as if he was doing nothing more that sharing his mom’s church-famous chocolate-chip and gunpowder cake recipe.

In Mr. Holman’s case, he’ll be happy to know that no less than four law enforcement agencies took an interest in his declarations, three of those being New Mexican, and the last, one that has only three letters forming its acronym, but was also definitely in the running as one of the top two who seemed most interested in his fantasized-about future hobby. And to think, I managed to get him all this personal attention without having to spend a dime of my own money. Eat your heart out, Ebenezer Scrooge- daddy knows how to get blood out of a stone, let me tell you. Or in this case, potentially getting a blockhead eventually removed, via his own actions and words, from our free Society.

And no, your little inclusion of “I’m not even gong to waste anymore time on you”, in no way, shape, pr form, negates that you made an actionable threat, worthy of prosecution, So congratulations, Genius. You just made yourself visible on a wide range of legal radar screens, and they and i, cannot thank you enough for that.

But since you did state outright and with some pride attached, I noticed, that you were honing your skills in anticipation for the day you got to hunt Liberals, I also took it upon myself to contact the companies you claimed you worked for in your bio, and warn them of your declared fantasy, as well, eventually discovering that both of the listed companies that I contacted were, in actuality, former employers,

Despite this, they in twain, did respond to my missive almost immediately, which read:

To Whom it may concern:

I am writing in regards to a series of comments posted online by one of your supposed employees, that being a certain Christopher Daniel Holman, who self-identifies on his FB page as working for your company in the capacity of a [INFO CENSORED|

Mr. Holman made some rather threatening, if not disturbing, comments in the open forums of the Silver City Sun News FB page that were directed at me, and anyone else who happens to share my political views. While as a professional journalist, I heartily endorse the concepts of Free Speech and Debate, I draw the line at personal threats, as one might expect.

And I, sure as the day is long, will not accept threats against the general public, given the outcome of what happened on the 6th of this month in our nation’s Capital. I will be reporting Mr. Holman to both his and my local law enforcement agencies, ASAP, and I will make sure that a somber course of action is applied, to whatever extent the Law allows or demands.

Ironically, I’m currently working on a “pitch” article for a handful of regional media outlets regarding the politically-connected acts of violence becoming more prevalent among the conservative movement, so this little slice of WTF is both an interesting and workable possible inclusion to the assemblage of my final draft.

And it is most definitely, a facet I will most certainly address openly, if Mr. Holman does not cease his prosecutable inanity towards myself or others.

The reason why I am contacting you however, is that as someone who has a vested interest in promoting both the business and the activity that your company provides goods and services to, I can only assume that you would want such presented as safe, wholesome, and family-orientated, if I may be so direct.

Generally, an employee making actionable death threats as he advertises that he works for you, tends to put a bit of a crimp in the success of such endeavors, as it should, if I were to offer a humble opinion.

I have attached two (2) screencaps- one of the splash page of Mr. Holman’s FB page, where he indicates that he works for you, and the second of the threats themselves. I will not demand or state the course of action that you should or should not take regarding this matter- after all, it’s your company’s reputation on the line, and not mine, but rest assured, these aren’t the optics you want representing your “brand” in the long run.

In closing, I thank you for your time, and wish you continued success.
Wayne Reich

Now, the underlying intention regarding my information campaign, was not to infer directly that my local Christopher Throbbin’ here, was, or is, anything more than a fatuous blowhard, prone to acts of sheer vacuous inanity, but given the current state of politics and the notoriously overreacting reputation ascribed to the members of Cult 45, why should anyone wait until one of these jingoistic jackasses pops his cork and starts capping off rounds indiscriminately inside a Starbucks?

I, for one, would rather be safe than sorry, erring on the side of caution and Mr. Holman’s public discomfiture, rather than open Facebook one morning, and find out he, she, or they, cut from the same ilk-cloth that I had relegated to the “idiotic” file on my laptop, had decided to go full-on Kyle Rittenhouse, just because someone dared correct them concerning Republican domestic economic policies. To be blunt, we as a society, can no longer indulge in that kind of luxurious thinking anymore, no matter how much we’d still like to.

The first former employer of Christopher’s, let me know that not only had he not worked for them for close to a year, but that they also took the posted threat seriously enough that they would inform the proper people within their organization to stay vigilant, given the current sociopolitical climate. A conversation that was short, sweet, professional, and to the point, which is the type of tête-à-tête I prefer to engage in.

But the reaction of former employer number two?

If I were forced to be charitable, the best description I might offer to define the ensuing dialogue, would be that of a semi-controlled freak-out. The individual I talked to, despite being rather open and professional in regards to my queries, had a notable tinge of stressed panic in their voice as they endeavored to distance themselves as far away from Holman’s vile remarks, as I successfully did in regards to my ex-fiancé. Informing me several times, that Holman was never considered to be an “official” employee, due to his being a worker under contract.

Additionally, it was also brought to my attention that his term of servitude had occurred close to three years earlier.

That last factoid did strike as strange, because that position was still listed as current within Holman’s bio, as I noted earlier, which in my humble opinion, indicates that he updates his FB as often as he educates himself regarding the issues that he openly threatens strangers on the internet over. Given my tenacity for detail, I did eventually discover where he now currently works, and while I could directly contact that company as well, )and still may) I’d like to think that the most effective, if not more mature option, would be to just pass that information along to the wide swath of law enforcement agencies I mentioned earlier, as a common courtesy.

In a further act of altruistic civility, I would have also politely informed Christopher of this benevolent consideration, but after calling him out for his posted comments, he immediately “blocked” me on FB, because that’s how you negate your act of public menacing, am I right?

But then again, who knows what course of legally approved action I will eventually take? After all, I want to make sure I give the same amount of contemplation to my actions, that these people have for the last four years, in regards to this country and their fellow citizens.

And therein lies the unintentional irony of it all, because for a group of hardcore firebrands who’ve spent the last four years calling everyone in earshot ”Snowflakes”, and telling Trump’s valid critics; “You lost- get over it”, they melt faster than a pile of them left atop the hotness that is Milla Jovovich, and I won’t even mention the hypocritical causticness of them playing their favorite slogan on loop, as they still happily continue to wave both Trump banners and the Confederate flag, alike. And while the NAZI flag has made the occasional appearance outside pro-Trump rallies from time to time, I won’t even dare suggest that Trump supporters, are NAZI’s, for to do such, would be ignorant on my part, at best, and Odin knows, I don’t want to be misconstrued as possessing Conservative values by doing so.

That being said however, I would note that the majority of American NAZI’s are seemingly all Trump supporters, so rather than host the tried argument about how you really can’t choose who admires you, I’d open the debate floor instead with the query as to exactly why, an organization that espouses genocidal cleansing and the purity of the White Race, would find any note of kinship with you, if you’re such an openly ardent anti-racist to begin with. After all, you don’t ever hear that the members of the Aryan Brotherhood or the KKK were willingly pressing the flesh at a Stacey Abrams fundraiser, do you? That is of course, unless she’s going to be the unwilling guest of honor at one of their front-yard BBQ’s, to be served up in the wee hours of the morning.  

Once again, this is not to say that Christopher shares their abominably wretched point of view, based in ignorantly flaunted racism, but he’s not exactly free of their stain, either. And this is why, if something you admire, respect, promote, or willfully contribute energy and private finances to is considered a positive thing by a demographic who has Eva Braun tattooed on their collective chests, then you might just want to change your hobby, your political ideology, your friends most certainly, and even possibly, your name, at some upcoming point down the road, because son… let’s face it- if you’re marching in lockstep with NAZI’s, you’ve done made some bad personal choices, to say the very least.

And this reality, that for no other reason than that they both partake (albeit from different sides) of the ideological swamp water dispensed nonstop by Trump and the modern-day GQP, is truly one thing that the disciples of Cult 45 absolutely despises, and is the impetus for their incessant need to ceaselessly project their party’s inherent weaknesses upon their perceived enemies, whether the credibility for doing so, exists or not.

There’s a famous maxim, that’s been attributed,to the infamous NAZI Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels, although a valid source coronation for this remains somewhat elusive at best, that states: “Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty of.”, and if I were to be so bold, the pre-immolated Gabby Goebbels would have been exceedingly awestruck by how devotedly the GQP has not only taken this alleged advice to heart., but turned it into a cash cow as well. Nothing this side of sex sells nearly as well as Fear does, and the GQP re-packages it better than AC/DC did its identical song-ending power chord, every time they recorded a “new” album. 

Combining his flair for creative litany with the oratory skills of a racist chicken being boiled alive, Goebbels also formulated the cornerstone of all successful propaganda campaigns, known far and wide as “The Big Lie”. To note; “If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.”

The fact that this conversational deflection is still employed, and that so efficaciously still, is not that surprising- after all, as the proverbial monkeys that we are, we’re naturally hard-wired for the distraction of the overly shiny, especially if it plays into our darkest concerns. Do you have a demographic under your control that you’ve been spoon-feeding paranoia to for decades? Well then, throw in a scapegoat in the form of Minorities, Gays, Women, Immigrants, Non-Christians, Atheists, Feminists, the Poor, the Educated, or the Infirm, and you’ll be off to a good start.

Throw in a few cloves of conspiracy, place in a pressure cooker of self-victimization, topped off with an unequal measure of racism, misogyny, xenophobia, homophobia, and willing ignorance, and when this asinine amalgamation reaches a full boil, serve immediately, heavily garnishing with selective gaslighting and cherry-picked ”statistics”, Serves anywhere from one to 74 million.

And not to worry, the more fearful your gourmands are, the more they’ll willingly swallow, without nary a concern as to the edibility of what you’re serving-, count on it. And the beauty of this recipe is that there’s really no wrong way to make it, as long as your intended gastronomes have their personal bias satisfied. Hell, even if you serve it ice-cold and raw, they’ll still come back for seconds, thirds, and fourths. I’ve heard stories about specific diners who’ve been served the same meal with no variations for years, and it’s still happily consumed, as if it’s the last one they’ll ever have.

Make no mistake in regards to the marketing power of Fear. It can prop up (or derail) a political campaign, ruin lives, personal reputations, and careers, and properly harnessed, it can create either an influential movement, or an unending revenue stream, funded by mindless morons who believe themselves to be dynamic revolutionaries, despite possessing all the cultural panache of a bag of boiled clams. Case in point- this display of vulgar ignorance, proudly hoisted within the confines of the small town that I live just outside of, that being Silver City, NM.  
Other than the fact that this inane exhibition is located directly across from a school, the message emblazoned upon it just reinforces that when it comes to being cowardly hypocritical curs, the formerly non-proud-boy party of Lincoln seemingly has no sense of personal irony. For people who’ve been screaming for years that the Left needed to be respectful of their abominable point-of-view, they’re more than happy to jettison that stance whenever they discern an opportunity to engage in being full-blown candy-assed bitches.

The owner of this supreme example of a public education allegedly failing to take hold, one Nick Lemme, explained his ode to immaturity in a print interview* with the Silver City’s Daily Press newspaper, noting that: *“I think they are offended by the message, but there is nothing they can report about that, but going after the language gives them something to- it’s a scapegoat to attest to the legality of the whole situation. It’s just me expressing my First Amendment right. I’m not targeting people who voted for Biden- that part of it is just on the flag, I just ordered the first one I found.”
*[ https://www.scdailypress.com/2021/02/24/profane-anti-biden-flags-raise-hackles/ ]

I would opine that rather than waste his money to buy a coarsely-worded flag protesting an election that was settled quite some time ago, Mr. Lemme should have invested in acquiring a far better-fitting human skin-suit, instead. Not surprisingly, Lemme has been viewed as a stalwart patriot by his fellow Trumpanzees, and in the interview, openly brags about receiving a case of beer from an equally intellectually challenged woman who supports his attempt to embarrass his blood line for decades to come.

Honestly, I can’t think of a better reward for such jackassery, as I’ve always felt that in order to still support Trump at this point, one’s habit of day drinking would need to be expanded to a 24/7 endeavor of personal dedication..

Given the Right’s over-reactive disrespect to differing POV’s and the confines of established Reality over the last four years, I find the comments stated within the article by Lemme’s friend, Gabriel Maldonado, to be also hilariously tone-deaf, if not entirely hypocritical: “If they want to come- of course, respectfully- we can have a conversation about it. It’s as simple as that. Driving by and screaming whatever they want to scream, they can do whatever they want, If they come, show us your respect.

Yeah…  about that? I seem to recall a certain phrase you guys loved to bleat incessantly, and at every opportunity to do so, but for the life of me, I can’t recollect what it was… oh wait, I remember now:
And to this, I would add, the warmest suggestion that while you’re at it, that you should go f**k yourself as well. And when it comes time for those feelings of yours to get f**ked, you troglodytes, I can only pray that however the act is performed, it’s done so with a sandpaper-wrapped condom, to achieve the warranted effect, Shockingly, I see no necessity to show any form of respect to persons who comfortably stand in jack-booted lockstep with so-called Americans who support treason, among a host of other disturbingly vile personal qualities. You dare demand “respect” from the very same people you’ve spent no less than four years metaphorically spitting on and threatening?

Good luck achieving that absurdist fantasy. Maybe when you sober up, you’ll understand that Respect must be earned, and only Civility is given. And if I may be so blunt, you don’t deserve the first, and you’re seriously stretching the elasticity of the second. Especially after reading the following, quoted directly from the article itself: Lemme said that he does feel like the flag has placed a metaphorical target on his back, however, which is why he flies the flag underneath a darkened American flag. He said the blacked-out American flag was used by some Confederate military units during the Civil War as a symbol to not give nor accept quarter — a juxtaposition to the white in the real American flag.

 “A lot of military people wear it,” Lemme said. It’s just basically stating no mercy if they want to do something and target me – that’s basically a warning.””

Let me deconstruct this down to the brass tacks, if for no other reason than to highlight the the fact that I loathe statements of arrogance from persons who confuse displays of nearly sociopathic contrariness, with being a noteworthy badass. To note, if a target has been indeed, “placed” on Mr. Lemme’s obviously empty head, he’s the delusional dumbass who put it there in the first place, He didn’t need to hoist a flag that showcases his ignorance, nor did he need to publicize his act of dipshittery via a sure-to-be-noticed media interview, either. Just saying.

As to the Civil War claim of the Flag’s origin, Lemme is essentially correct. But does anyone else see the blatant absurdity in his failed attempt to repurpose a symbol of Confederate resistance as an homage to American patriotism? What’s next, Nick? Going to hoist a *Swastika as a “tribute” to Hinduism? Not to mention, we as a whole, can hardly take his “warning” of showing his critics “no mercy” if they dare test his resolve at face value, considering his allegiance to a political ideology based on tenets of hypocrisy, sedition, and cowardice.
*[The Sanskrit word swastika, means “conducive to well-being”. In Hinduism, the unfortunately appropriated by the NAZI party version is right-facing, () and is called swastika, symbolizing Surya (“sun”), prosperity and good luck, while the left-facing symbol () is called sauwastika, symbolizing night, or the tantric aspects of Kali.]

Short of a violent assault upon his person, (which I would never condone) what threat does Lemme feel he’s currently under? Is he so afraid that an as yet unknown person is going to force him to accept Reality, that he feels the need to unsheathe his metaphorical micro-penis as if he were having a homoerotic locker-room sword-fight? And just how exactly pray tell, would he handle being yelled at, or disrespected to his face?

Lord knows, he and his fellow beer-swilling-brotard are hardly going to bring a debate of any merit to the adult’s table, as it’s almost a given that any argument they would fail to launch would be about as meritorious as any of the other paranoid conspiracy theories that they ascribe to as Gospel, and then virulently spread as if it were conversational Chlamydia. So, given his hardly subtle threat, what are the odds that rather than use his adult words, as they don’t utilize those at the Kid’s Table he currently sits at, that his reaction to a round of heated and well-deserved criticism won’t be to commit to an act of unnecessarily violent overreaction?

It’s fairly obvious that Mr. Lemme is looking for a fight of some sort, and that most possibly due to his feeling of being politically, if not culturally, impotent, but is he entirely sure that if and when it arrives, he’d be up for the challenge, given the fact his mango man-crush role model is a total f**king coward? As we’ve all seen from Mr. Holman’s earlier example, when hamstrung by their own inability to adeptly weaponize their disjointed thought-process, these cultists immediately resort to the hallmark of the intellectually frustrated- the threat of violent retribution for their suffering a slight, albeit actual, or as is typically true of the Cult 45 Klan, entirely fabricated from their obsessive need to present themselves as being victimized at every turn.

For people who claim not to live in fear, they seemingly spend a lot of their free time cowering at the merest mention of: abortion rights, affirmative action, Antifa, atheists, BLM, the cause of African-Americans civil rights, green energy, college educations, reality, credible evidence, gun control, Gay rights, police brutality, masks, the Free Press, and women having the audacity of being in charge of their own body autonomy. Once again, this is not to say or subtly imply that any of the aforementioned people within this screed share or support the entirety of these detestable pillars of modern-day conservatism, but they also can’t deny the fact that at best, they’re willingly splitting the rent on their time-share  hate-house, either.

One of these things is quite like the other, one of these things definitely belongs, and all that.

You cannot laud America as a beacon of inclusivity, while hating all the other people in it. You cannot demand Free Speech while denying others theirs. You cannot demand others follow rules that you yourself, openly ignore. You cannot call yourself a “patriot” while supporting those in power who advocate for sedition. And you most certainly don’t get to whine about fearing for your personal safety Mr. Lemme, when you’re the one who started the fight, or when you openly post implied threats against those who disagree politically with you, Mr. Holman.

That’s not being an American. Those are the hallmarks of a budding fascist, which when given all the empirical evidence presented by Cult 45 as of late, shows just where their true loyalty lies, and it’s not to the ideals of the land that gave them the freedoms they’ve corrupted to justify taking the very same from others. Mark my words, and mark them well- these people are Americans in the same way that Donald Trump is a faithful husband and scholar. I will never understand how a man whose presidential library is going to be located inside the darkened confines of a seedy porn shop broom closet, still maintains such a sway, despite his essentially possessing all the intellect, tact, and competence of a barely sentient, and bronzer-dipped, Cheeto.

But I do know this- he’s still an infectious menace to our democracy, so long as he still owns the souls of his cult, and has unfettered access to their wallets. And given the fact of how easily his cult was inspired to march upon the capitol for no other reward than to fuel their Fanta Fascist’s delusions of grandeur and dictatorship, we shouldn’t disregard that the reality that he’s more than willing as sacrifice as many lives as possible to satisfy his ravenous ego.

After all, he allowed 400K of his citizens to die, so what’s a few more insignificant corpses on the flaming pyre of his idiopathic petulance?

Besides, despite his earlier claim of “If Joe Biden wins, you’ll never see me again”, no one with both a pulse and a functioning intellect ever thought for a second that he actually meant it. The mango man-child above all else, suffers from raging narcissism, and he is as addicted to that flaw of his character and the adulation it brings, as he allegedly is to Adderall and adultery. As long as there are sheep willing to be fleeced for the “privilege” of bleating mindlessly within his presence, he’s never going away willingly, or contritely. In addition, neither are his just a few months shy of cosplaying Jonestown, cultist base.

So what are we as a nation to do, if we can’t safely reintegrate these pod-people pinheads back into the realm of sanity again? Keep in mind, this demographic has no interest in achieving unification, although I would opine that the feeling is hardly exclusive to their side of the political fence alone, as the meme below suggests.
Personally, I’m perfectly fine keeping these seditionist-supporting apostates right out in front of me, rather than within my ranks and the metaphorical machine, where the damage they could theoretically inflict, could be far worse than what they’ve already accomplished, terrifying as that thought is to contemplate. We must unify, you beseech? To that, I jauntily offer up the following retort: GO F**K YOURSELF, AS WELL AS THEM, because there’s no way in Gehenna, I’d ever trust any of these treasonous troglodytes with any amount of critical responsibility, regardless of their outward sincerity. 

In all seriousness, should any of these complicit enablers of treason and divisiveness be allowed to just slither away consequence free, for no better excuse than an unfounded sense of pathetic optimism that all should be forgiven for the “greater good”? F**k that. And sideways, no less. There’s no way on this f**ked up Earth that any grace should ever be shown towards those among u who tried so earnestly and openly, to rend asunder that which has bound this country together since its inception, in the name of a man-child demagogue who has spent his entire existence within it, flagrantly s****ing on every one of its core values as a hobby.   

Here’s the deal. No matter what your politics are, Left or Right, Bleeding Heart or Dusty Stone, Clintonite or Reaganite, I’d like to think deep down that we all can agree on the fact that the last four years have been a goddamn dumpster-fire s**t-show of near Biblical proportions, and it isn’t over yet. You’ve seen the scrawled graffiti up and about that says: “Make Racists afraid again”, right? Well, I say we go one step further, collectively band together, and truly strike Fear (literally and metaphorically) into the ratf**ked souls of ALL who willingly brought us to this point in time.

And when it comes to dealing with the likes of keyboard-fellating cravens such as Mr. Holman, or the odiousness of the anti-Biden flag-hoisting f**kwits in my neck of the woods, maybe we should glean a nugget or two of procedural advice from the arrogant posturing offered up for display by their poster boy, Nick Lemme? After all, he did say: “It’s just basically stating no mercy if they want to do something and target me- that’s basically a warning.”

Warning received. Warning understood. Whining definitely most noted.

We’re still going to do whatever the hell we need to do, in order to get back on the right path once more, and since there’s nothing you can do to stop us in the first place, short of attempting to betray your country yet again, I’d suggest you either buy a ticket to the event, or get the f**k out of our way. Because if there is a target we’re aiming for, it’s not on any of your uselessly paranoid heads, so much as it is at restoring America’s reputation, both here and abroad.

And if you dare get in our way of doing so. may whatever Deity you ascribe to, help you, Because your traitorous Herr Twitler, wouldn’t condescend to lift one of his gilded fat fingers to do so, and Lord knows, we will never be in fear of an intellectually inadequate “army” so asinine, that they can be called to willing self-sacrifice under the Chines-made banner of a bumper sticker ideology.

And that, unlike any of Trump’s promises, you can take to the bank.
An American one, of course, as he’s borrowed all the money the Russian ones had to offer.

“Now, now my good man, this is no time to be making enemies.”
(Voltaire on his deathbed, in response to a priest asking him that he renounce Satan.)
























































































The Con-versation Pt.2 (Fake it till you make it)

“You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.” – Harlan Ellison

Hello Blogiteers!

It’s truly been a wonderful day in my neighborhood- I got to go spend some time shooting a snow covered cemetery, had a nice strong cup of Earl Grey when I got back home, and somehow, still managed to make a whole bunch of Trumpanzees cry, bitch, moan, and eventually run for their online lives. That which best sums up my attitude when it comes to dealing with the members of Cult 45, is perfectly encapsulated by a pivotal scene from the James Bond flick “Tomorrow Never Dies”, that occurs between our hero 007, and the comedically amusing, and yet still wholly evil hitman, Dr. Kaufman, which goes like this:

Dr. Kaufman: “This is very embarrassing. It seems there is a red box they need in your car, only they can’t get it open. They want me to get you to tell how to open it. I feel like an idiot, I don’t know what to say.”

[Bond just smiles]

Dr. Kaufman: “I am to torture you if you don’t do it.”

James Bond: “Do you have a doctorate in that as well?”

Dr. Kaufman: “No, no this is more like a hobby… but I am very gifted.”

Now, while I can claim with some authority that my main gig is that of a Jack-of-all-Trades Creative, my main go-to and fallback these days, is that of a professional Writer. But as far as where my “hobby” is concerned, excoriating those within the conservative movement is definitely where I tend to really bring my “A” game, if I do say so myself, and I do. But to be fair, how hard is it to win a battle of wits when your opponents consistently arrive unarmed? We’ve all heard the axiom of “Like shooting fish in a barrel”, but these people are more akin to the cow in Douglas Adam’s most excellent book, “Restaurant at The End of The Universe”, than anything else.

Of what do I speak?  From Chapter 17…

“Well,” said the animal, “I know many vegetables that are very clear on that point. Which is why it was eventually decided to cut through the whole tangled problem and breed an animal that actually wanted to be eaten and was capable of saying so clearly and distinctly. And here I am.” 

It managed a very slight bow. “Glass of water please,” said Arthur.

“Look,” said Zaphod, “we want to eat, we don’t want to make a meal of the issues. Four rare stakes please, and hurry. We haven’t eaten in five hundred and seventy-six thousand million years.”

The animal staggered to its feet. It gave a mellow gurgle. “A very wise choice, sir, if I may say so. Very good,” it said, “I’ll just nip off and shoot myself.” He turned and gave a friendly wink to Arthur. “Don’t worry, sir,” he said, “I’ll be very humane.”

Granted, while the thought of an animal that’s 100% OK with being eaten would be gratefully accepted without question by those who are guilt-stricken by the process in which their meat found its way onto their plate, the opposite reaction should also hold true when that state of mind is applied to people. Or so I would like to think. But when it comes to Cult 45, these future case studies in group psychosis, cannot wait to offer up their throats in an act of selfless defense to delay, if not stop entirely, whatever allegorical blade may threaten their mango-tinted man-child.

The only difference between these sociopathic cultists and the one who followed Jim Jones of the People’s Temple into his Guyanese grave, are their Chinese-made red hats, KKK derived slogan, and a far wider variety of Kool-Ade flavors to eventually spike with cyanide. Make no mistake, these people would have, and still may, very well follow their Fanta Fuhrer into his version of the Berlin bunker, emerging only to see the light of day, when they collectively decide to do their petrol-soaked homage to Joseph Goebbels, as a final encore.

Insane take, you say? Too outlandish, by far, you think? No evidence to support such an absurd claim? Well then, take a gander at some of these comments, collected from one of the numerous Facebook pages that have sprung up during Trump’s tenure as the rapist of American values, if only for enjoying the sheer amount of outright farcical lunacy they contain:-

Sure, these may read as if they were satire, but sadly, they are not. However, they do serve as the perfect yardstick to measure just how many delusional dips**ts walk freely among us, just waiting for the day Donald Trump will descend from Mar-a-Lago once more, via his great big golden escalator, throwing out autographed rolls of paper towels, to the throng of his wretched faithful, drooling in mindless adoration, just below the level of his contemptuous gaze.

Now, if you want to continue exploring further as to just what a gaggle of ignorantly seditious nitwits looks like, then I’d advise you to stop reading this screed for a second or two, and peruse the “Reich N’ Roll” gallery on my website for a few minutes or so, just in case you’ve ever felt the need to be further disappointed by your so-called fellow humans past the point that you already are. This accidental side-project of mine, which honestly started as a joke, has quickly grown into both a side-hustle of sorts, as well as becoming one of my most “popular” galleries as well. And the best part of all of this, is that I had to do literally nothing to both find them, and then, have them engage with me.

Actually, I have to modify that somewhat, as there was some limited effort on my part, to be quite honest. Fortunately, all I had to do was show up on a randomly-chosen conservative social media page, start openly posting common sense, facts, and the best attractant for acquiring hostile Trumpanzees to oneself, Reality. They may hate it, but they really are powerless against its hypnotic pull in regards to their idiocy, glad to say. And man, has it been productive, if not just outright fun overall. Watching these cult members rationalize everything Trump says and does, while knowing they’d crucify Obama (or any Democrat) for doing the same, is hypocrisy-based joy of the highest caliber, and the reservoir of it is literally endless.

I’ve touched on this before in earlier screeds, and I find myself addressing it yet again, because it’s a story-arc that seemingly has no end. Well, as of yet, anyway. So, once more into the breech, as I gather up the loose threads of an earlier blog, where I laid out the so-called thought process of one of Trump’s legion of lying monkeys, and discovered to no one’s surprise at all, that when it comes to the darklands of undiagnosed mental illnesses, Trump’s fan-base will be an economic boon for, and a cornerstone of, the psychoanalytic field for decades to come. As you may recall from the most recent blog,, I previously introduced you to a lovely individual named Mary Cecelia Walker, who, when she’s not busy posting cherry-picked misinformation online, spends an equal amount of her time slavishly doing the same in regards to conspiracy theories, so debunked and hilariously ludicrous, that even Alex Jones might second-guess himself.

[Note that I said “might”, not “would”..]

I highlighted a few of her more inane posts, as well as some outright fabrications, pointed out her ignorant as f**k POV regarding social distancing and mask usage protocols, and left on a high note, because that’s what I do. But now I’m back, and we’re going to address some of her,,, let’s just say, truly unique takes on Reality, and the numerous events that occur within it. To do so, I’ll be directly touching upon three things very near and dear to Mary’s alleged heart; fake news, racist observations, and lastly, her mindless adulation of everybody’s favorite traitor and vile mango-tinted man-child, Donald Trump.

First topic at bat, “Fake News”, both the obsession and favorite slur of our now thankfully disposed Fanta Fascist, which I will happily point out, was not a real thing, until we got a fake President who promoted its dangerous disingenuousness with the same passion he displays when he brags about sexually assaulting women, and how he wants to bang his own daughter.

This term that Trump is fond of tossing out as if it were an African-American tenant, or personal checks to a porn star, is demarcated as “false or misleading information presented as news, whose main adjective is typically, harming the reputation of a person or organized structure, as a means of generating income via advertising revenue.” This particularly specific definition has been further clarified by noted Media scholar Nolan Higdon, who broadened the understood parameters of its existence as “false or misleading content presented as news and communicated in formats spanning spoken, written, printed, electronic, and digital communication.” In essence, a dead-on assessment of FOX, Newsmax, InfoWars, Sinclair Broadcast Group, and especially the most odious of them all, the flaming sewage-pile that calls itself OANN, AKA: One America News Network.

Along those lines, here’s an edited response to a posting of mine where I dared use actual facts to argue / prove that a certain Democratic official who was instrumental in turning Georgia “blue”, was in no actual danger of being convicted for what is at best, a ham-fisted attempt at direct manipulation of public opinion to quash their future political influence. They’ll fail of course, but that doesn’t mean that their false conspiracy baton won’t be handed off to the party faithful, who will carry it as far as they can, regardless of its non-existent accuracy, or the consequences of its fallout, whether it’s cultural, political, or personal:
While this may present as funny, and it certainly is to be sure, the tone-deafness it requires of these members of a Death cult to tell you, and in all seriousness no less, that you’re the one disseminating “fake news”, when their social media pages read as if they’re the pop-up version of the Anarchist Cookbook, is quite possibly, the most unintentionally ironic self-own I’ve read in a while, hands down.

This is not to say that Liberal news sources don’t venture into false territory for the sake of advancing their demographic reach, but even I as a cynic, know who has a far better track record for honesty than these pied pipers of purulence do. But for Mary, postings and memes such as these, are just part of the Gospel of Truth she takes her erroneous cues from. And since I’ve now set those pins up, let’s do a 7-10 split, and take them all down. You know. For fun?

First up, Mary posted this gem of a falsehood right after an incident in which a domestic terrorist wired an RV in downtown Nashville to blow, which pretty much leveled a city block, as seen in the photos diectly underneath it.

And while no one was (Thank Odin) seriously injured, due in no small part to a pre-taped warning broadcast from inside the RV, that clearly warned passersby of the bomb’s presence as it recited a countdown to its eventual detonation, the meme itself presents a concern in regards to its assertion, and it is this:

Now for most people, being proven wrong is not that big a deal, especially when their “proof’ to begin with, was a meme featuring an animated fictional character from a 1970’s kid’s cartoon, but as we’ve already noted from my last screed, Mary is not most people. Not even close. Sticking with the theme of children’s entertainment she obviously enjoys, I would dare suggest she’s more akin to one of those Hungry Hungry Hippo toys, but instead of swallowing marbles, she swallows literal insanity instead:

Keep in mind, that as usual, she provides no proof to back up her fevered idiocy, presents no counter-argument for debate, and no rational validation as to why she so earnestly believes in adding yet another crazy-straw to the already burgeoning pile located right outside what I can only assume, is a she-shed stacked to the rafters with home-made tin-foil chapeau. But as the saying goes, you can’t keep a good (mad)woman down, and in Mary’s case, she’s not ever going to let a little thing like actual Reality dare challenge her deepening affection for that which is truly ludicrous:

Let me try to put this overreach into some form of perspective, if I may: Mark Zuckerberg is to Nazism, what Republicans are to Patriotism. That is to say, one has nothing to do with the other, and I’m fairly certain that I could successfully argue the case that fact-checking postings for accuracy within the confines of a private business platform, is at its worst, still a few steps above openly committing the act of Genocide. I know, I know. I have no definitive proof of this, but let’s just call it a gut feeling, shall we?

I’m not gonna lie here, but I LOVE this statement of pure jackassery- how could you not? If the idiocy inherent within is contextualized properly, it essentially states that in order to avoid the unfounded threat of America transforming into a model of communism, we should all vote for the Mad King who patterns himself after the Communist dictators of old, and who would rule as if he were cosplaying Stalin with a dime-store tan. Yep, that checks out on the side of reality, and it doesn’t sound completely insane… at all.

However, thi particular slice of lunacy presents as completely insane, but when you take into account that Mary posts memes featuring fictional characters as concrete proof of conspiracies, her asinine assertion may be just as simple a case of her honestly confusing Microsoft founder Bill Gates with some random villain she saw in a Bond film, which at its core, is both sad, but also equally hilarious. Not to mention, she obviously doesn’t understand how implanted technology works, despite how often she uses it to embarrass herself.

Sigh… no, they don’t, you ignorant dumb-as-f**k-moron. In fact, NOBODY ON THIS F**KED-UP PLANET SUPPORTS INFANTICIDE. NOBODY. NOT POLITICIANS, NOT DOCTORS. AND MOST CERTAINLY, NOT THE WOMEN WHO CARRIED IT TO TERM, EITHER. I seriously have no clue what the hell is wrong with you, but at this point, the only medication that could be utilized to treat it, would be a mixture of Holy Water, Napalm, and electroshock therapy.

For clarity, let me sate that I don’t, on any level, believe in mob justice or politics as a means of conveying ideas, or institutional change. That being said, I also have no problem with those who decide to actively tear down iconographic totems of treason and inhumanity, as the soon to all be removed Confederate memorials represent. If we don’t have statues of Stalin, Mao Tse-tung, Putin, Mussolini, or Hitler lining our streets and sitting in our parks, so why in the hell should we have such blasphemies dedicated to Robert E. Lee, Bedford Forrest, or Jefferson Davis? The only reason people want to keep these seditious statues is to reinforce the notion that White makes Right, and nothing else.

And if you don’t believe me, try suggesting the erection of a statue of Harriet Tubman or Huey P. Newton in their place, and watch how fast these people drop their “But History needs to be remembered”, excuse by the side of the road, as if it were an unwanted puppy, or the child of their mistress.

As you may have guessed from reading this post, there’s something slightly off about it. Other than the fact that states can’t “pull” the licenses of a major television network, as regulating such falls under the chartered authority of the FCC, the source listed for this bombshell is from… wait for it, a KNOWN SATIRE SITE. Yes, you read that right. She literally took an obvious joke post and reiterated that it was factual, but remember boys and girls- the Democrats are the ignorant sheep here, not Mary, the queen of Little Ho Veep’s brainless flock.

Call me cynical, but I have a very funny feeling that if any portion of this were even remotely true, every major news network across the globe would be all over it, including the so-called Liberal Media, which as has been noted, is only as liberal as the conservative corporations that own them. And considering the source of this “bombshell” is a disgraced and disavowed sexual predator now doing his imaginary news show out of his Mom’s garage, I’m fairly certain we can ignore it, just like FOX willingly did regarding the multiple sexual harassment claims against him.

From the article located at: https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2021/01/21/national/politics-diplomacy/trump-believers-tokyo/ :

“A small group of Japanese fans of Donald Trump took to the streets of Tokyo on Wednesday, shouting support for the outgoing U.S. president hours before his successor Joe Biden was sworn into office. About 120 people joined the march in central Tokyo, with participants waving American and Japanese flags and holding banners claiming Trump was “the true winner” of the Nov. 3 election.”

Now for those of you who actually can do math, 120 is NOT equal to “Thousands”. Just pointing that out. Not so much for you, but for Mary, who’s ability to count seems to just as well-developed as the one she used to find this fallacious factoid.
Considering that 1984 was a perfect template for Trump’s fortunately botched attempted coup of American Democracy, Mary’s usage of it, as yet another meme masquerading as presented proof in lieu of facts, is quite ironic, to say the very least. And not too shockingly, it’s also false. From an article located at: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/orwell-1984-predict-covid/ :

“In late 2020, Snopes readers asked us to look into a series of internet memes and social media posts that presented a quotation from George Orwell’s classic dystopian novel “1984” as being eerily prescient of the “lockdown” restrictions imposed by governments throughout the world during the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic. The quotation, which was in every instance attributed to Orwell and/or “1984,” read as follows: “Everything other than working was forbidden: walking in the streets, having fun, singing, dancing, getting together, everything was forbidden.”

The quotation was not authentic and did not originate in “1984” or anything else written or uttered by Orwell. A search of online versions of the novel does not yield the line included in the memes in 2020, or similar formulations of words. Even if the novel itself were not available to consult, good reason existed to doubt the authenticity of the quotation. For example, we could find no record of the quotation in a newspaper archive that stretches back more than a century, and no record on Twitter or Facebook from before 2020. Given the novel’s considerable cultural impact over the past 71 years, it would be implausible that such a quotable line should supposedly be “discovered” for the first time, in 2020.”

And this is why, boys and girls, that Reading is Fundamental- it keeps you from looking like a complete and total idiot.

I gotta give Mary some begrudging credit here, to be honest. It’s one thing to be individually racist, paranoid, and trans-phobic, but somehow, using only her sense of dim-witted dumbf**kery, and a hysterical example of incompetent Photoshop, she manages to blend it together into a truly rancid mix that proves why certain people holding these fantastical views as gospel, need to be sexually sterilized for the common good, if not their own, but that’s a debate for another time.
In this post of pure prissiness, Mary is incensed that Vice President Mike Pence actually dared to follow the letter of the law, choosing not to be a co-conspirator to Trump’s soon to be enacted treasonous attempt to overturn American democracy. She goes on to claim (without proof, of course) that the duly elected President and VP are “Communists” and that “All ILLEGAL votes are counted!” None of this true, and it’s fairly obvious that Mary, like most conservatives who toss this word round as if it were their self-righteousness, also has no idea what a Communist is, to begin with. Not to mention, there were no “illegal” votes to begin with, because in the end, at least 81M real Americans were sick and f**king tired of Donald J, Trump’s bulls**t.

But there is a bonding moment to be discovered here, believe it or not. Like me, she also despises former AZ Senator Jeff Flake for his spinelessness, except in her case, it’s because he refused to stand in solidarity with her mango man-child, and in mine, because he refused to stand in solidarity against him, until he realized his career in politics was over. And conservatives say there’s no common ground to be found?

Nay, say I.

Moving on, we now find ourselves knee-deep in the favorite litter-box of the Right-wing, that being the fertile field of fecal fallaciousness that is Racism. For those of you new to this Galaxy, the definition of racism is thus: a belief that race is a fundamental determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.”  In the case of Liberals, we know this is a truly inhuman and abhorrent belief system, and knowing such, endeavor to end it’s vile reign of error. However, in the case of modern-day conservatives, they openly (and loudly) insist that it no longer exists, so that they can plead supreme offense when they’re caught red-handed engaging in acts of “it”- you know… the thing that doesn’t exist?

Now to be fair, Mary doesn’t espouse blatantly racist views quite in the manner that Ken Cykala, a previous subject of my literary scrutiny does, but she definitely tiptoes around the racist racetrack every now and then, when the need arises. However, much like Ken, she also allegedly has a huge bone stuck in her craw when it comes to the BLM and Antifa protest movements that have either galvanized or divided the country, depending on the intellectual capacity of the person you find yourself talking to. In Mary’s case, these two are the worst boogeymen to come along since Barrack Obama, and most likely- for the same reason.

That being, they make over-privileged and wholly paranoid, White people like Mary and Ken, very uncomfortable regarding the long-overdue discussion of the African-American experience in this country, And when it comes to their realization that Antifa actually stands for “Anti-fascist”, it’s pretty clear as to why most conservatives are terrified by them, given their ongoing support of one. They’re not actually worried about being the victims of violence, they’re terrified they’ll be held accountable for the abominations of Republican policies and actions that they’ve openly supported for decades now.

That’s it in a “nut” shell. No more. No less.

So, to open up this section of desperately escalating White fear presented as faux social concern, I’ll start with this brain-dead nugget, yet another call to arms which in the end, will go unanswered, because if these jackasses fight half as good as they attempt sedition, all of these companies will have seen record profits by now.

This listing of 279 companies that have decided to stand on the right side of Humanity if not History, has been unceremoniously removed from its initial hosting site, but with a little digging, one can still find it floating around the Web, as I did. As the full tally is far too large to display here in it’s entirety, I’ve taken it upon myself to do the legwork for you, and while the companies run the gamut from Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream to YouTube, rest assured that truly, every one of these companies WANTS YOU DEAD. EVERY SINGLE ONE. NOT SERVICED. NOT HAPPY. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. Because, you know, that’s how companies stay in business- by openly killing off their potential customer base.

My first solid clue? Ben & Jerry’s newest flavor release, “Murder Monkey”, whose label depicts a homicidal primate wearing the infamous Bernie Sanders mittens, as it strangles the GOP elephant to death atop a giant pile of murdered cartoon babies. Those arrogant bastards, thinking that we wouldn’t notice. Well, evil corporate financiers of domestic terrorism, who’s laughing now? Us liberals as usual, because the day I actually have to fear that Pornhub (yep, they’re on the list) is trying to kill me, that’s the moment I will happily check myself into a facility with its very own secured bouncy castle room.

Once again, we see the end result of what happens when one’s intellect is shovel-fed a steady diet of bumper sticker ideology seasoned with racial ignorance. To note, BLM does not “hate” the Police. They just want them to be demilitarized, and trained to handle stressful situations using established de-escalation techniques, rather than deadly force, which is five more times likely to be used against African-Americans, than Whites. Shockingly, it really is that simple. And as for Mary’s staggeringly stupid claim that BLM also hates the firemen and police officers that lost their lives on 9/11, I will only say this- if your head gets any further up your own ass Mary, you’ll be using your belly button as an observation window.

Oh look everybody- the elderly White woman has arrived to tell those way too loud and overly uppity African-Americans what to do regarding their own protest movement, so let us all pay rapt attention to her Ivory tower-launched advice. I might suggest that Mary herself go and talk to the African -American community and learn about the movement from its members, rather than the voices in her head, but we all know she would never do that, because it would take far too much time and energy that she could use to maintain her crusade of ignorance. For clarity, BLM is NOT a community-based charity or assistance organization. It is, as clearly stated in its publicly accessible mission statement, as:

A global organization in the US, UK, and Canada, whose mission is to eradicate white supremacy and build local power to intervene in violence inflicted on Black communities by the state and vigilantes. By combating and countering acts of violence, creating space for Black imagination and innovation, and centering Black joy, we are winning immediate improvements in our lives.

We are expansive. We are a collective of liberators who believe in an inclusive and spacious movement. We also believe that in order to win and bring as many people with us along the way, we must move beyond the narrow nationalism that is all too prevalent in Black communities. We must ensure we are building a movement that brings all of us to the front.

We affirm the lives of Black queer and trans folks, disabled folks, undocumented folks, folks with records, women, and all Black lives along the gender spectrum. Our network centers those who have been marginalized within Black liberation movements. We are working for a world where Black lives are no longer systematically targeted for demise.

We affirm our humanity, our contributions to this society, and our resilience in the face of deadly oppression. The call for Black lives to matter is a rallying cry for ALL Black lives striving for liberation.”

But don’t try to tell Mary any of this. Because not only will she not understand what it actually means, she really doesn’t want to in the end, as losing her fear and gaining wisdom, would really screw up her Boogeyman Bingo game-card.

Now, here’s something candidly refreshing- a crime statistics meme lifted from QAnon, that most non-biased of all the political ideologies, sourced from the Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Crime Victimization Survey. Cherry-picked by our insipid intellectual Mary as a means to justify her embrace of sugared racism, there’s a few things I’d like to point out here. First, there’s no graph position for White-on-White crime, and you’ll notice that the one for African-Americans immediately infers that by definition, they are far more violent than Whites, which if analyzed, is simply not accurate.

A side note- when I was writing about the aforemen6ioned Ken, I touched upon this very subject, as he was fond of posting cherry-picked and entirely false race-based crime stats, in relation to justifying his inherent bigotry. When I did the research to see if he was even remotely close to being accurate, not only was he [to no one’s surprise] off, he was off by miles. The exchange of factual versus entirely bogus numbers unfurled like this:


AB: Try 7.6%. But to be fair, the cops are doing a better job of it than you guys, as of late. And to be fair, you people have been more preoccupied going after immigrants, so I can understand why you’re a tad bit behind your projected numbers these days.


AB: The available data suggests that it’s closer to 9%, but African-Americans also face a fatality rate 2.8 times higher than Whites. Even more disturbing is the statistic that Black victims were more likely to be unarmed (14.8%) than Whites, (9.4%) which sort of bolsters the widely held public opinion that cops are more than happy to shoot first, and ask questions later, when it comes to their inter-racial encounters with the African-American citizenry of this country.


AB: Oh look- finally a category where Whites finally bring their “A” game, as the rate here is 14%. Way to go Caucasians! You’re making us all very proud. And doing the world a favor, by self-removing yourself from an increasingly stagnating gene pool.


AB: The average is 82.4%, actually. That seems pretty high for a bunch of people who supposedly set the standard for following Law & Order, mayonnaise-boy, but I digress. So sorry to see your narrative of Whites being slaughtered by Blacks going out the proverbial window, but that’s the way the racist vanilla wafer crumbles, I guess.


AB: It’s closer to 14.8 percent, but as we’ve seen, your bigotry impairs your ability to do the merest of research, so we’ll give you a pass. Kind of like how your kindergarten class did when you failed naptime, but on the upside, you did excel at eating paste.


AB: Sadly, it’s 90% to be honest. And while with this one Ken did get close, it’s still seven points off his claim, and only 7.6% higher than White on White rates, a fact I’m sure Ken will ignore in favor of his having a case of the vapors at the thought an African-American family might move in next door, and start doing White people stuff without his permission.

And to add to the growing pile of corrected data, here’s another graph showing crime rates clearly defined by race:
Now, while it’s clear that African-Americans appear to be slightly above Whites, they are running almost neck and neck. And let us also not forget that your average White community is rarely prone to suffering the far-ranging social concerns that your typical lower-income minority neighborhood does. Issues such as racial profiling, inequality in relation to sentencing, job scarcity, drug-related crime, economic and educational disadvantages, and the almost criminal under-representation regarding people of color in their local, state, and Federal government.

And yes, these factors should be taken into consideration when issuing these types of asinine blanket statements, but what do I know? I’m just a guy who’s brain actually works, and therefore, I question anything that fits my personal biases as if they were tailor-made for each other. Better to be informed and safe, than wrong and sorry.

In this exchange, Mary combines her anti-masking paranoia and Islamophobia into one bitter little smoothie, and chugs it as if she were Bluto Blutarsky from Animal House, playing a round robin of Beer Pong. And while we know that it wasn’t the Germans who bombed Pearl Harbor…

We still love you anyway.

Isn’t it amazing how much “proof” of pre-ordained nefariousness these unamerican jackasses have managed to unearth regarding their specific delusions as of late? Sure, most of it turns out to be selectively edited, or outright fabricated in the end, but I’m sure that couldn’t possibly apply here, right? So, let’s see…  let’s Google the “author” of this piece, an individual who goes by the name of Tony Carpo, to see just exactly who and what he is. And when I do, what comes up? Well, this slice of blankness:
One reference. Only one. And strangely, no other info regarding this widely distributed posting that’s been seen popping up all over Right-wing media as if it were two rabbits that have been left alone inside a locked closet. Weird, that. It’s almost as if this “Tony Carpo” person doesn’t exist at all. And if it isn’t to be found on Google, it may as well never have. And I say this as the man who easily discovered all those topless pictures of Whitesnake’s femme fatale actress Tawny Kitaen when she starred in 1984’s Grade-Z film, “The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak”, a cinematic gem that nobody I’ve ever mentioned it to, has ever admitted watching or owning a DVD copy of. And for the life of me, I can’t imagine why that is.
Oh wait. Never mind. It’s coming back to me now.

The ironic hypocrisy inherent here is that the very same “American Patriots” who slur their numerous detractors as “Soy Boys”, “Cucks”, and rally around the battle-cry of “Snowflakes”, are the ones most likely to be found jumping out of their thin-skinned hides at the mere mentioning of: legalized abortion, affirmative action, Antifa, atheists, BLM, African-Americans, Mexicans, civil rights, environmentalists, science, equality, facts, immigrants, the LGBTQ community, gun control, the Free Press, reading, Black History Month, climate change, systemic racism, green energy, misogyny, rape culture, defunding the police,  all non-Christian religions, women, the thought of Democracy working as it should, and oh yes, the Starbucks annual Christmas cup.

But to be fair to Trump’s cadre of walking sausage wallets, that list was just compiled off the top of my head, so it’s far from being complete. But since there’s always room for more items, let’s peruse this gem of hatred germinating genius that occurred over a year ago:

I’ve said it before, and I know I will have to sadly say it again, but seriously- how does this dumb b**ch of near Biblical density, not gravely injure herself every time she makes toast? Some background for this click-bait disingenuously disguised as a news story- the idea of Antifa and assorted Muslim groups working in tandem to “Police Minneapolis” wasn’t anything that they themselves openly discussed, or even privately floated among their respective members. Nope, this absurdly paranoiac masturbatory fantasy was put forth into the public eye by a 61-year-old White Republican (naturally) State Representative, who most likely, believes you could kill those of the Muslim faith simply by throwing pork rinds at them.

In June 2020, at a meeting of Minnesota’s Hubbard County Board, of which the initial focus was originally to discuss the disbursement of federal pandemic aid, Minnesota lawmaker Rep. Steve Green (R) allegedly in reaction to the raised question of whether there was an alternative public safety plan, was quoted by the Park Rapids Enterprise as saying that Antifa and Muslim organizations planned to “police Minneapolis under Muslim rule,”, as well as “What you’re looking at, in my humble opinion, is communism moving into Minneapolis and St. Paul,”  and that the state’s Democratic attorney general would like to “close down all of northern Minnesota.”

The vileness of these farcical statements was fomented by dialogue regarding the defunding of police after the murder of George Floyd, who died while in police custody, due to an officer placing his knee on his neck, despite Floyd already being handcuffed, and posing no obvious threat. Green went on to claim (falsely) that specific representatives had drafted a bill that would impose eminent domain on every business destroyed during the Floyd protests, and would “only sell back to people under conditions” imposed by the city.

Granted, while these comments from one of the dullest of the tools in Minnesota’s metaphorical workshop are as ignorantly uninformed as f**k, even I have to begrudgingly admit, I would watch the hell out of the action-adventure movie starring Rami Malek that they would eventually make out of the novelization of it. Sure, I find it pathetically sad that Mary and her ilk are this fearful of everything around them that isn’t based in WASP ideology, but I also have to appreciate how entertaining it will be when Mary finally cracks-up, and starts seeing Antifa and BLM hiding in her underwear drawer. At that point kids, we might have to take away her car keys, and anything even remotely close to falling under the definition of “stabby”.

Heading into the Home stretch, we finally come to the one thing that gives Mary’s life purpose. Is it her sense of religious faith? No, it is not. Is it her love for her family and friends? Wrong again, I’m afraid. Certainly, it must be her intent to make the world a far kinder and better place than it is now. Given her need to continuously reinforce her paranoia and distrust of the World of the Real, I’d opine it is not. Failing all that, I seriously have no idea what it could possibly be, unless I put up several disparaging theories for dissection.

So, to come to some form of conclusive agreement, let’s tick the boxes off the “what is essential to a conservative’s life” checklist, shall we? Paranoia? Check. Unfounded conspiracy theories? Check. Racist views and opinions? Check. Unbridled self-righteousness? Check. Slavishly blind and unquestionable devotion to a corruptly treasonous demagogue who wouldn’t condescend to pi**on his followers if they were on fire, and who encouraged them to commit an abominable act of Sedition? Motherf**kin’ check, and mate.

Like the majority of Trump’s bloviating base, Mary swallows without question, whatever the new GQP cabal decrees as fact for its faithful. To note, this includes the following: Democrats murder newly-born babies, are in league with China, masks are a form of societal control, and not a health  measure, Dems run the machinery of the Deep State, the 2020 election was “stolen”, Joe Biden is the real sexual predator, not the self-confessed mango man-child who was caught on a hot mic bragging about it, and while Hillary still needs to go to prison for life for a series of bogus charges she was eventually acquitted of, Trump, who attempted to overthrow Democracy, should not only not charged for his act of death-penalty-worthy sedition, he should also be allowed to run for the office whose values and integrity he so willingly defiled, once again in 2024.

It’s a shame I couldn’t find an ethical way to monetize this much stupid, because if I had, I’m fairly confident I’d literally die as a Trillionaire, given the well of twattery existent within the USA right now. Folie à deux (French for “madness for two”), also known respectively, as either shared psychosis, or shared delusional disorder (SDD), is a psychiatric syndrome in which symptoms of a delusional belief, and sometimes hallucinations, are transmitted from one individual to another. And quite honestly, I cannot think of a better descriptive for what has occurred under Trump’s reign of error, and what puzzlingly, still continues, to this present moment in time.  

As to be expected, and as previously mentioned, conspiracies theories are a cornerstone of this syndrome, and Mary apparently, believes in all that she can post. Take this fine example, for instance:

Not only is this a prime example of selective gaslighting, it’s also transparently obvious that it is designed to be such. So, to clear the air as it were, I’ll correct the blatant misinformation here, one lie at a time, in order of its appearance:


AB: If it was posted on your page, Mary? It’s probably best not to, That is, if I still want my friends, family, and total strangers, not to think that I’m a goddamn idiot.

AB: Yet another unfounded conspiracy theory hoping to tar and feather Hillary Clinton, it alleges that she single-handedly officiated the sale of American uranium to Russia, in exchange for a large donation to the Clinton Foundation. Unfortunately for the Repubutards pushing this retreaded rhetoric, nobody “got “away” with anything, because no crime on any level was committed. Even Fox News’s Shep Smith has openly debunked this fairy tale, based on the easily obtained evidence that key details were cherry-picked, in order to lend plausibility to the false construct that Clinton gave Russia a sizeable percentage of America’s uranium stores.

When pressed for proof of said “conspiracy” Rep. Louie “Goober” Gohmert (R-TX), of whom it might be charitably described as possessing a family tree that resembles a wreath, showed us all just how insane the GQP has allowed itself to become, when he happily offered this flow chart to Congress as “proof” of an insidiousness of that which had not actually occurred at all.

Jesus Freaking Christ. This resembles either the plot-lines of the last two X-Men movies, but with far less grounded reality, or my sex life during my mid-twenties with dead-on accuracy. Here’s the simplest run-down of what actually happened, free of the moorings of Republican lunacy:

Russia, using the conduit of its State-owned concern Rosatom, purchased the Canadian-held company Uranium One, which at the time, controlled 20% of the US’s volume for producing Uranium. The sale was approved by numerous governmental entities, including Utah’s Nuclear regulator, the US Nuclear Regulatory Commission, and The Committee on Foreign Investment in the United States (CFIUS), which is “an interagency committee authorized to review certain transactions involving foreign investment in the United States and certain real estate transactions by foreign persons, in order to determine the effect of such transactions on the national security of the United States.

And with all due respect, one person, no matter who, is going to have the sway required to influence an amalgamation of such a consortium. Not to mention, that in her role as Secretary of State, while she was responsible for heading an agency involved in the approval process, in the end, Clinton had very little input as to the final decision. The reality being, that in all likelihood, it was a lower-level subordinate overseeing the particulars of the final verdict.

And as to the specifics of the alleged to be controversial donation to the Clinton Foundation, the patron most responsible, the Canadian businessman, mining financier and global philanthropist, Frank Giustra, saw no benefit from said sale, having sold his investment in Uranium One THREE YEARS before the finalized agreement, and more than a year before Clinton was even appointed to serve as Secretary of State. And all of this information by the way, took me less than six minutes to research.

A time-span I might note, which is probably five minutes and fifty-nine seconds longer than Mary needed to obediently believe it.

AB: Both Clinton and the White House were cleared in relation to the unsupported charges, and by the HOUSE REPUBLICANS, no less. I’m sure Mary in all honesty, forgot about that minor little detail. And one more thing? If you cared about the four Americans murdered in Benghazi where no evidence of a definable crime has ever been discovered, but share no concerns regarding the five who died during the Capitol riot, where evidence of multiple crimes was being live-streamed over multiple media platforms, then please take your hypocrisy, and shove it sideways, ASAP.

AB: On the surface, the story is this:  Solyndra was a manufacturer of thin film solar cells based in Fremont, California. Initially, the company was lauded for its unique technological approach, which led to the company securing a $535 million loan through the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, which is intended to provide loan guarantee authority geared towards building the economic base for green energy development. However, foundational cracks began to form when it was later discovered during a subsequent governmental investigation that Solyndra had engaged in a “pattern of false and misleading assertions”, in which the company asserted during the loan approval process, that its sales were quite strong, despite the fact that they were not.

The company was forced to file for bankruptcy two years later, when due to the unforeseen occurrence of silicon prices dropping, it found itself in the unenviable position of being unable to successfully compete with other companies who were manufacturing their solar panels out of the now far cheaper raw material. The fallout whereas the Obama administration happens to be concerned, is that when warned that financial disaster might lie ahead, the administration persisted unwaveringly in voicing its support for Solyndra.

After the failure of Solyndra, an official report was released, determining that; “Employees acknowledged that they felt tremendous pressure, in general, to process loan guarantee applications They suggested the pressure was based on the significant interest in the program from Department leadership, the Administration, Congress, and the applicants.”

If anything, this series of events reads more like an administration wanting to get an initiative launched in good faith, and due to both the high-stake political consequences if it failed to do so, and quite clearly placing said faith in the wrong people, tried to run the ball far past the point it should have when all started going pear-shaped. When I look at it, it’s not too dissimilar to how I once truly believed, nay advocated, that Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was going to be the summer blockbuster of 2008- this, before I sadly discovered that Spielberg had phoned it in from ET’s home world. The only difference being that my mistake cost me fifteen bucks, and not the going rate for settling defamation lawsuits by Dominion voting machines.

AB: Actually, I think the USA spying on its own citizens is bogus too, so I’m right there with you Mary, I will however, add one caveat, though- the program was launched in 2007, under the… wait for it, BUSH administration, so once again, you can thank Republicans for taking yet another bite out of the ol” Constitution in regards to our personal freedoms.


AB: Once again, not entirely accurate, Mary of MAGAdumb. A program comparable to Fast and Furious was spearheaded by the Bush administration in 2006 and 2007. Called Operation Wide Receiver, its mission was to track sales of weapons that were deemed “suspicious”. It did this by permitting said sales to advance, even when there was probable cause to believe the transactions were illegal in their scope. The ATF term for this, is referred to as “gun walking.” Both programs, which were overseen by the Phoenix Field Division of the ATF, were criticized for their “risk to public safety was immediately evident in both investigations,” as determined in a report by the inspector general. So to say that Obama’s program was something that “they” got away with, while ignoring its Republican genesis, is at best, fairly disingenuous.

AB: This debunked conspiracy theory stems from the revelation that in 2013, conservative groups seeking tax-exempt status which had “tea party” or “patriots” in their name, had been subjected to above average examination regarding the exclusions they were attempting to obtain. Despite the charges Conservatives leveled claiming that a double standard in regards to Progressive groups applying for the same existed, the allegations turned out to be unfounded in the end, as The Treasury inspector general for tax administration, or TIGTA, soon discovered.

Compiling a report at the request of a bipartisan group pf senators, TIGTA found that the IRS had targeted not only conservative groups, but numerous liberal groups as well, that just so happened to have “progressive” in their names. “The far right has been beating a drum for years now that there was a partisan attack on them,” stated Democratic Senator Ron Wyden of Oregon, who was one pf the aforementioned bipartisan coalition, He added that the new report shows “that’s just not true.” Once again, Truth gets sacrificed to the Great God of Conservative Victimhood, and our Mary is more than happy to spread the Gospel according to Liars.

AB: This narrative, comprised of a fever-dream fueled by Adderall addiction, claims that with the complicit assistance of Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, Barack Obama give an “enemy of the U.S.” (Iran) $150 billion in cash. As with most Republican-emanating “scandals”, this fanciful tale falls flat once light is shone upon it, as in truth, Iran was never given a $150 billion liquid cash payment. As an alternative, billions of dollars’ worth of Iranian assets were unfrozen as a result of Iran agreeing to the terms of a nuclear agreement, formally known as the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action.

In essence, Iran gained access to assets that were already theirs, and which had been “frozen” in various financial institutions around the world, due to sanctions levied in an effort to place restraints upon Iran’s nuclear program So, to sum up: the claim that Iran received $150 billion in cash is patently untrue, and what they did obtain, was not financed by the taxpayers of America, either. And as an aside, the $150 billion figure bandied about was no more than an estimate at best. However, in a brain-dead move born of petulance and ignorance, so-called President Trump announced on May 8th of 2018, that he was pulling the U.S. out of the nuclear deal with Iran, which had been in the works over the course of two years, which effectively ended American oversight of the Iran’s reasonably feared nuclear development.

But sure Mary… blame the Democrats.

AB: Man, Republicans should really start thinking about writing serialized fiction, since they do it so much. Granted, their plot-lines are unbelievable, but remember boys and girls, this is also the country that supported the production of no less than five “Twilight” movies, so anything is possible, I guess. So, what are America’s most embarrassing relatives claiming happened this time? Well, it’s a doozy, as supposedly, in 1994, Bill Clinton gave North Korea (NK) $5 billion, along with two nuclear reactors, fundamentally giving them the capability to produce and stockpile, their own nuclear arsenal.

Do I really have to tell you at this point, this latest outrage is as fake as Ted Cruz’s manhood?
I do? Sigh… fine. I’ll do it. But I’m going to be really cranky about it as I do.

Surprisingly, here is a grain of truth at the heart of this debunked dipsh**tery, that being, Clinton did broker a deal with North Korea, as the country was building a dispensation facility to produce possibly weapons-grade plutonium.  A goal it reached after processing spent fuel, that it had gleaned from a defunct reactor built while Clinton was governor of Arkansas. Complicating the issue was the fact that North Korea had banned international inspections in its country in 1993, after issuing a decree that it would be pulling out of an international agreement, known as the Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons, of which, NK had been part of since 1985.

In October of 1994, Clinton settled on a deal with Kim Jong Il, who assumed leadership of NK, upon the death of hos father, Kim Il Sun, earlier in July. The terms of the deal were that the United States would help the country build two so-called “light-water” nuclear reactors, solely for the peaceful purpose of assisting NK’s energy demand. In order for the deal to be successfully enacted, NK would have to cease operation of its then-current reactor, stop ongoing construction of two other dubious reactors they said were to provide energy, halt its plans to produce nuclear weapons, submit to international inspections, and in an extremely crucial caveat, NK would have to voluntarily surrender its cache of spent nuclear fuel, once the new reactors were constructed.

In theory, the light-water reactors would make it harder for NK to produce weapons-grade material. The cost of said reactors, was estimated to be around 4B, and would be financed by an international coalition comprised of South Korea, Japan, and possibly Germany, Russia and the United States. This accord, which did not require congressional approval, was denoted as the Agreed Framework. At the time, Clinton hailed it as a conduit, for the easing of in-place sanctions and the opening of diplomatic agreement:

“This agreement will help achieve a longstanding and vital American objective- an end to the threat of nuclear proliferation on the Korean Peninsula,”

However, after George W. Bus was sworn in, the deal started falling to pieces. The US ceased its deliveries of fuel, as NK openly protested that the agreed upon reactors had never been built in the first place. And after the tragic events of September 11th unfolded, it became obvious that the metaphorical center would not hold, as US diplomacy found itself redirected.

Relations became even more provocatively strained between the two countries, after NK was labeled as one of three countries noted in Bush’s 2002 State of the Union Speech as an “Axis of Evil”. In reaction, NK opted out of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, eventually conducting its first nuclear test in 2006, which by all accounts, may have spectacularly failed, by the grace of mythical God. In conclusion, Clinton did not “give” NK nukes, although in hindsight, his optimism that they would willingly honor an agreement requiring them to stand down their relentless march toward being a key nuclear power, ow seems incredibly naïve.

AB: Once again, Mary is wrong and at this point-,just really needs to have her internet access taken away, just as she should be, and that, right soon. Preferably to the place that I mentioned earlier, that could provide her a forced medicated berth in a private and secured bouncy castle room. Unlike NK, Iran never had nuclear weapons, as the 2015 nuclear accord it had entered into  with the United States and several other countries, had severely limited its attempts to secure a seat at the nuclear players table.

The deal, brokered by the Obama administration, also required that Iran cease its attempts to enrich its stores of uranium, along with a forced redesign of a reactor under construction that had the potential to aid in nuclear weapon production. In addition to these immutable conditions, Iran would relinquish 14K of its known 20k centrifuges, which are used to enrich uranium, and vowed that future uranium enrichment would not be utilized for weapon development for at least a decade. If Iran broke any of these promises. It would be faced with swift retribution on the form of international sanctions if it dared test these limitations.

So no, Mary… we, as in the Obama administration, did not “give them nukes”.  But thanks to the US pulling out of the nuclear deal with Iran, we lost the ability to hold their feet to the fire as needed, so we may just as well have in the end. However, that flaw in leadership is wholly on your mango man-child, and not Obama, no matter how much you’d like it to be.

AB: 64 court case in a row lost confirmed that was no credible evidence of voter fraud. Multiple recounts in contested states validated the election results. The Electoral College ratified it. Our Congress, despite an attempted coup, certified it. In short- HE F**KING LOST, And as you people were so fond of saying:

“F**k your feelings, Snowflake. Deal with it.”

AB: Considering Trump and the daughter that he lusts after, Ivanka, both committed the same breach of protocol numerous times without consequence, I’ll just ignore this topic altogether, as I see no need to beat a dead horse into dust, as the GQP is apt to do. But I will point out that Hillary ay least, had the stones to face Congress for 11 hours, whereas Trump can only face his critics if he’s twittering behind his unsecured phone.

AB:I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to live in a world so fearful and alien to the human experience, that one would feel the need to manifest your paranoia into unsubstantiated charges of being unjustly persecuted by the entities of formless shadows. Herr Twitler by way of example,  was quite fond of falsely claiming that his predecessor, President Barack Obama,  had ordered the FBI to illegally “spy” on Donald Trump’s campaign to win the presidency in 2016.

As usual, the facts centered around this claim have been selectively cherry-picked under the glow of a deliberate gaslight, in order for Trump to market his mendacious martyrdom to his ignorant mass of morons, such as Mary. The truth however, may be far more disturbing, given the events of January 6th, and Trump’s unwillingness to challenge Russia or its leadership on any level, notwithstanding the credible evidence of attempts to influence our elections, and placing bounties on our soldier’s heads.

The covert surveillance, which was cleared by the courts, centered on a former Trump adviser named Carter Page, after the FBI became interested in the Trump campaign’s way-too-cozy relationship with Russian operatives, which, if one was forced to be diplomatic- were sketchy at best, And if you need proof of this, just recall Don Jr, changing his story multiple times, in regard to his meetings with prominent Russians, one of whom it was eventually revealed, was indeed, a KGB operative. Nothing to see here folks, right?

Never mind the fact that his two cosplaying Beavis and Butthead sons gave media interviews where they talked openly about how much money they received from Russian banks, or the fact that Trump himself once stated in 2013 on the Larry King show that he thought that Putin had done “a really great job outsmarting our country”. Then there was also this particular gem in reference to the dictator that our spray-tanned boiled ham wishes he could be: “Russia will have much greater respect for our country when I am leading it than when other people have led it,”

The only thing Putin has ever respected about Donald Trump is his ability to lick the boots of dictators, and his alleged fondness for underage girls, and that’s it. But remember- Donnie is the real victim of unwarranted persecution here, as always. However, as to where his narcissistic narrative is concerned, his claims, like most of what he says, don’t hold up under scrutiny. There is zero evidence showing that Obama abused his authority, or directed how the FBI observed the machinations of the Trump campaign,

So, once again Mary? Please shut the f**k up, because you’re a goddamn cultist, and the depth of your stupidity, is seemingly bottomless:

AB: Damn. That’s a serious threat… or it would be if it were even remotely close to being f**king true, which it is not, One day, I’m going to introduce my good friend Mary to this internet resource called “Google”, and pray that they hookup for good, as it would be nice if she could manage to go five whole minutes without embarrassing herself.

The first clue that this is false, is the fact that that despite being having the date when the alleged quote was uttered, there is no further context regarding as to where Harris supposedly stated it in the first place. A deep-dive of Google reveals that the “quote” originated from a sardonic website that goes by the moniker, bustatroll.org., and was mentioned in a perceptibly satirical article titled “Kamala Harris: ‘After We Impeach, We Round Up the Trump Supporters’” that had been posted on their site.  I’d like to point out that this is not the first time Mary has blindly posted obvious satire on her page, [as I noted during the “fake news” section of this blog] and Odin knows, given her prideful ignorance, it won’t be the last.
AB: I’m highly suspicious pf this statement, given my belief that if Mary has a personal library, it’s comprised mostly of flash cards and pop-up books. And what’s with the phonetic spelling of “de struct tion” as if you’re *Latka Gravis? I know understanding reality is beyond your grasp, but English is literally your Mother-tongue, so what the hell? And while the CCP reference is ironic, given Trump’s track record of allegiance to China, it’s also laughably hypocritical in the end, at best. But you are definitely right on the money (this time) about there being a lot of uneducated people. It’s just so sadly hilarious that you unknowingly happen to be one of them.
*[Latka Gravas is a fictional sweet-natured and lovable-but-goofy mechanic on the TV sitcom Taxi, and was portrayed by the late Andy Kaufman.]
AB: Hell yeah, they did! And so did a variety of other social media platforms as well. Bizarrely, a wide swath of people don’t generally like it when you openly betray your own country, and then advocate for others to do so as well, especially when you’re the so-called leader of it to begin with. Weird, that. But don’t you fret, you’ll always have the memories of all those Nuremberg-style rallies to sustain you through those dark days ahead as  your seditious movement becomes even more politically irrelevant.

AB: Yeah. Nobody who’s sense of Patriotism still works correctly, honestly gives a f**k what you think about the prosecution of a traitor, considering that you and your ilk should be sitting in the dock next to him, as complicit enablers. And in a truly just world… you would be. And who truly knows? Maybe you still will.

Well, the question this poses is one hell of a metaphorical Gordian Knot, isn’t it? Who to trust in relation to the suggestion that the United States Military intervene with the electoral process taking place within a democratic society, is most definitely one heck of a pickled Pandora’s Box, let me tell you. Should I go with the men of honor, who between them, have decades of hard-won experience and overly-honed critical thinking skills, or should I trust the bats**t crazy judgement of a mango-tinted man-child who thinks windmill noise causes cancer, stares directly into a solar eclipse, and honestly believes that he couldn’t have lost the election, because the voices in his head told him so? 

I honestly have no idea who I should listen to here, but my gut tells me that maybe I should go with the actual military commanders, instead of the guy who consistently tweets that he could be one, from atop a gilded toilet. And as an aside, I’d also point out that as a democratic and free Nation, such an action is more reminiscent of a Banana Republic, due to its blatant illegality and all, than America itself. Which is probably why Mary’s cool with it, being an ardent supporter of seditious leaders and all. But only of course, if her guy is the one that gets the prime slot.

Can you all excuse me for a moment? (Turns off laptop, looks around, takes deep breath, and… wahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Turns laptop back on.)

Sorry, I needed that. So, let me get this straight- the guy who claims the Bible is his “favorite book”, yet can’t quote one single thing from it, who never goes to church, unless he can pose outside a burned-down one while holding its owners’ manual, that he’s never read, and who practices misogyny, bigotry, narcissism, sexual assault, sloth, greed, pettiness, lust, wrath, gluttony, and envy as he consistently bears false witness, after raw-dogging a porn star as he cheats on wife number three, and who infamously, once said that he doesn’t regret his decision not to ask God for forgiveness for his sins, because, and I quote the penitent man himself:

“I have great relationship with God. I have great relationship with the Evangelicals, I like to be good. I don’t like to have to ask for forgiveness. And I am good. I don’t do a lot of things that are bad. I try to do nothing that is bad.”

And this arrogant son-of-a-bitch who’s breaks almost every one of the Ten Commandments on an hourly basis, is now “listening” to the one true God?

Now, this is just sad.
Normally, I’m all for not losing friends over politics, as I have several of them who are quite entrenched in non-crazy conservative land, (Yes, such a place still exists) but even I will draw the line when I start noticing that their casual wardrobe contains far too many pairs of gasoline-scented khakis, that they always seem to be carrying way more tiki-torches in their car, than is required for an impromptu parking-lot luau, and if they keep complaining about how the “Juden” run everything? That’s definitely the time for them to go, post haste.

But in Mary’s case, I get the feeling that the act of culling her friends list is almost a process independent of her, as there’s no way this noxious nitwit has ever had friends who are on the right side of Humanity, if not History, right from the get-go. However, the fact that she willingly retains  one friend who’s named themselves “Eddiespagetti Truthranger” is, in my humble opinion, definitely worth the price of her spending all that time inside the world’s densest combination of echo chamber and safe space.  

And as for longer being in “teaching mode”, Mary? Trust me… you’re teaching us a lot more than you could ever possibly know.

Oh, the explanation for this post is something I’ve been enjoying for quite some time now, but before I tell you why, let me tell you what its root cause is, and that would be what every noble conservative on Facebook truly hates and fears, as it is also the one thing that by itself, keeps them up at night, cowering as they curse pointlessly, bathed in the eldritch glow cast by their mom’s borrowed cellphone screen. What is this scourge that conservatives talk about, albeit in hushed tones, as they hide in the shadows of the Internet?

Fact-checkers. Or as Cult 45 calls them, “the censors”. They have several other names for them of course, but as I try to be polite, I won’t list any of them here. As is to be expected, there are the inevitable comparisons to the NAZI’s of course, but that assessment has to be called into serious question when it comes from the very same persons who believed it was perfectly acceptable to be part of a cult of personality, who fly a flag of treason next to their bastardized version of our American one. This, as they rioted futilely, in a desperate bid to commit an act of sedition:
This is not to declare outright or subtly imply, that all Trump supporters are NAZI’s, but all NAZI’s are most definitely Trump supporters. Just saying. The literal definition of fact-checking is “the act of confirming the truth of (an assertion made in speech or writing), often as part of the research or editorial process.”

For most of us, that’s a pretty cut and dried valuation, no? But for the dimwitted deplorables that comprise the fan-base that is Trump’s seditionist servile, it’s not so simple a solution. In their eyes, they’re being unjustly targeted, and outright banned from various social media platforms for telling the truth, even though I can easily attest, that I get unwillingly observed 3-day vacations just as much as they do. Even when non-partisan-based research proves that they’re wrong, they refuse to accept it at face value, and fight against the reality, as if they were being viciously mugged by random members of the Wu-Tang Clan.

And do you honestly think you can reach a person who’s so entrenched in their idiocy, that they’d feel perfectly comfortable wearing this in public, using an intellectual argument?

To be fair, it’s not really that shocking that a bunch of gullible schmucks who mainline conspiracy theories with the same casual frequency that Motley Crue’s Nikki Sixx once did Heroin, would feel this way, but c’mon- how many times does somebody need to be proven wrong, before even they have to admit to themselves that maybe, just maybe, they might have picked the wrong banner to fight to the metaphorical death under?

For some people, that answer is “never”, as evidenced by the morons who are still walking around claiming that Donald Trump is legally still the President, and who openly state that no evidence presented to them, regardless of what it is, or where it comes from, will ever change that steadfast conviction of Faith in a man who possesses not a single trace of it..

Let that sink in for a minute. No matter what evidence is presented, they’ll ignore it in favor of their alternate reality, and I am sad to say, that’s not how the Universe works- if it did, I’d finally achieve that threesome with Milla Jovovich and Angeline Jolie, taking place in that Jacuzzi full of Cool Whip, that I’ve had on the drawing board and playing on an endless loop in my head, for the last 15 years.

Therein lies the rub- for all of their talk and rampant posturing regarding how much they want to be exposed to the “truth”, these cultists react to the purest examples of it, very much in the same way that Superman would react to Lois Lane, if she requested he wear a Kryptonite condom on their wedding night. The reason for this disconnection from rationality is quite easy to explain, if one looks at where most of these purposefully ignored minority of the conservative sub-set hail from, that being the purgatory that exists somewhere between their being openly mocked, and deliberately avoided, whenever possible.

Pre-Trump, these disciples of all things extremist and asinine, were easily dismissed with no more than a steely glare, an over-dramatic eye-roll, or in the most severe cases, an official complaint to one’s HR department. But come the 2016 election, the commonest of the rabble found themselves emboldened by their new champion, a man devoid of humanity, compassion, tact, intelligence and class, who espoused whatever bats**t crazy lie came into his head at the time, and they loved him for what he represented. Not fresh ideas and policies, for he had none to speak of, and not for the promise of a new era of American prosperity and influence, either.

No, what they loved, and still do I might add, are his dog-whistles, his racism, his misogyny, his disdain for intelligence, honor, truth, and compassion, his xenophobia, his bigotry, his sense of faux Christianity, his gas-lighting, and his blatantly blinding hatred for the same people they hate as well, Namely, those who are better educated, more successful, open-minded, compassionate, literate, questioning, and whom actually live their Faith, not the tainted version offered up by the modern-day Conservative movement. And emboldened by such, along with his rhetoric, they came out from under their rocks, as if they were vampires emerging into an eternal night.

To their dismay however, when they did claw their way up and out, not only were they unable to go all the way with their plans to turn America into a Banana Republic version of Salem’s Lot, they found that the majority of its citizens were clad in shimmering Silver, armed with Holy-Water-loaded Supersoakers, and the halls of its most hallowed institutions had Glade garlic scented air fresheners plugged-in every five feet. Undaunted, they screamed at the night sky, only to find to their slowly dawning horror that the eternal night OAN predicted, was just a particularly dark and overcast day, and as the rays of the Sun broke through, found themselves either forced back under those very same rocks, or mewling online that Facebook was biased against the Undead. 

I’m obviously kidding of course, as we all know that these morons don’t have a clue, much less a plan, as the debacle on January 6th clearly indicated beyond a shadow of a doubt. Speaking of which, this leads into the last thing I’ll be addressing regarding Mary in this screed, the reason why her posts were/are disappearing off her page. I’m almost embarrassed to admit, that I may be partially responsible for that. Sort of. In a way. Even though, I can’t directly do anything, as I’m “blocked” from her page. Ergo, I don’t have the capability to report or alert Facebook about the numerous inaccuracies and falsehoods that are allegedly posted on her page, even if I wanted to, and trust me- I would definitely want to.

But that doesn’t stop other people from doing so, and then telling me about it, via other conduits open to me outside of the clearly defined boundaries of Facebook, and its associated social media platforms. And those very same people, other than providing me with raw source material, also keep me informed as to what they had gleefully, and rightfully, reported to FB’s fact-checkers, be they human or programmed algorithm. Granted while this amusing interaction has provided me a two-part story-arc, and more than a few chuckles at her expense, my interaction is exceedingly limited, both by comparison and Facebooks own profile protection protocols.

However, I’ve been informed, and that more than once, that my efforts in confronting other conservative nincompoops had inspired them to do the same. And the best part? If the former president-in-name-only and definite seditionist. couldn’t be held responsible for inciting a deadly riot that saw one cop murdered and four of his deplorables fully embracing Darwin’s Law, then most certainly, I can’t be held liable for other people taking it upon themselves to call cultists goddamn jackasses, as they report fraudulent postings in tandem, now can I?

So, as to the reason why your inanity is vanishing off your page Mary, I’ll hazard an educated guess or two, as the thoughts strike me. First, when you signed up for Facebook, you agreed to follow their clearly stated rules, one of those being the following: Facebook reserves (and has) the right to remove any or all posts that violate its terms, and your pre-approval regarding this process, or FB giving you prior notification, is not required. The boundary line for undertaking this action is delineated into the following categories, and if the removed postings so happen to fit within the following definitions: targeted threats of violence, personally threatening speech, such as “doxxing”, violent or offensive imagery, or what could be reasonably considered “hate speech”, along with the expected push-back against sexually explicit imagery, as well.

But as of late, there’s been a revitalized attempt to quash the spread of malicious misinformation, whether it be political, medical, or cultural, and because conservatives are seemingly the main source of such, it’s driving them absolutely insane. Keep in mind, they themselves, have stated that they don’t care what Reality says, as what matters to them is what they believe to be so, and in regards to the accuracy of what that is, they could honestly care less, as long as the ability to weaponize it, can be utilized efficiently.

And the most obvious reason for those said missing posts Mary, is quite simple- there’s a multitude of people who are happily reporting your idiocy as fast as you post it, and then, in an act comprised of pure schadenfreude, randomly sending me the captured screencaps of it. You know, because if there’s anything us Liberals enjoy more than watching you scream your bumper sticker ideology to the empty air, it’s having an unexpected laugh at your expense. And given your devotion to the seditionist who would sacrifice you in a heartbeat to save his own skin, we’re going to be laughing at you and your unamerican ilk for quite some time.

You wanted to make America great? Or at he very least, instill your twisted version of what you think American exceptionalism is? You failed. We however, started the process by kicking your president’s ass to the curb, and then we’re done disinfecting the White House, the reckoning of holding accountable every single one of you treasonous bastards begins, and that guarantee is set solidly in the Constitution of the country you failed to usurp.  

We’re going to do to you what you and Trump tried to do to our Democracy- count on it. And if I were to offer some form of cautionary warning regarding what’s about to befall your pathetically mewling movement, I’d quote the book whose teachings you guys fail to follow, and that your president uses as a prop.

From Revelation 20:11-15: “Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. The earth and the heavens fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life.

The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what they had done. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.”

I wonder where your name is jotted down, Mary? In its pages, it’s margins, or on the Post-it note God’s going to toss once he’s done using it as a temporary bookmark? Someday you’ll find out, I guess, as we all will. But my gut tells me that where you’re most certainly going won’t ever need to provide you with a coat, because you’re never going to experience being cold ever again.

“Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, the answer is yes.” – Stephen Colbert, I Am America

The Con-versation Pt.1 (It Can’t Happen Clear)

“The main thing that I learned about conspiracy theory, is that conspiracy theorists believe in a conspiracy because that is more comforting. The truth of the world is that it is actually chaotic. The truth is that it is not The Illuminati, or The Jewish Banking Conspiracy, or the Gray Alien Theory. The truth is far more frightening – Nobody is in control. The world is rudderless.” – Alan Moore

Hello Blogiteers!
What a day for a dayscream, is it not?

2021 has finally arrived, and despite our national nightmare swiftly (and hopefully) coming to a close, the idiocy it spawned remains with us, and even worse- still possesses unlimited access to the internet. And while there will always be those that type out inanities at the same rate that I can eat a box of perfectly chilled Ding-Dongs, it’s still a test of personal endurance even on the best of days, when it comes to dealing with these shining examples of truly selective inbreeding.

For the sake of forwarding my POV, I won’t be addressing the level of education that some of these scurrilous schizophrenics have or have not attained, but the lack of one definitely is not always a key factor at play in regards to the paranoic conclusions that most of them draw in regards to how the world at large actually operates. Even the most intelligent among us and whom otherwise would appear normal, have willingly joined what at best, an outright cult of inanity from time to time. In order to kick off this chronicling of abject stupidity, I’ll start with a definition (or two) of today’s’ subject at hand:

A Conspiracy is defined as: The act of conspiring. An evil, unlawful, treacherous, or surreptitious plan formulated in secret by two or more persons; IE, plot. A combination of persons for a secret, unlawful, or evil purpose: He joined the conspiracy to overthrow the government. An agreement by two or more persons to commit a crime, fraud, or other wrongful act. Any concurrence in action; combination in bringing about a given result.”

A Conspiracy Theorist is defined as: “Someone who believes in a conspiracy theory (= the idea that an event or situation is the result of a secret plan made by powerful people.”

Examples of this typically erroneous belief system with their calculated odds attached, would be that the 1963 JFK assassination involved more than one gunman (75%), that a New World Order overlorded by the Illuminati / Vatican / or a Satanic cabal of pedophiles are the ones truly running the planet (30%), that there are numerous subliminal messages in advertising, music and Disney cartoons (25%), that 9-11 was an “inside job” (2%), that the hot-dog packaging to hot-dog-bun packaging ratio is an evil plot overseen by Lithuanians (100%), that UFO’s exist (12%), or that somewhere, hidden in a privately held vault, there exists an as yet unseen cut of “Highlander 2: The Quickening”, that’s actually worth watching sober, no less.
Chance of that by the way, is ZERO-f**king-percent, Sean Connery’s manliness be damned.

Granted, there has always been, and always will be, proven evidence for conspiracies that DO exist, but the very nature of a conspiracy is that it remain undetected, for if it is, it’s no longer a conspiracy so much as yet more proof as to why you should have spent the extra coin to hire a competent cabal organizer – you know, one with those solid deep-state references that FOX, OAN, and Newsmax like to bleat incessantly that only Liberals possess? You get what you pay for, and all that. Many a possibly successful crime spree has been thwarted before it even starts, by someone who out of a sense of misguided loyalty, hires their half-witted cousin to drive the getaway car, versus hiring that out-of-state pro who makes Frank Martin from the “Transporter” film series come off as no more skilled than Clark Griswold from National Lampoon’s “Family Vacation”.

Just saying.

On a side note, it turns out that according to a poll dually conducted by Nielsen and Pew Research, that FOX’s demographic is 98.9% White, 59% Male, with an average age of 69, of which, 61% possess no form of higher education. So… old, White, poorly educated, and willingly self-isolated from other sources that might challenge their erroneous ideology? Yep. I can’t for the life of me, figure out just why these very same people swallow every fascist fortune cookie that the Republican party passes out as if they were tax write-offs to corporations.

Regardless, conspiracy theories have always been good for the cheapest of free entertainment, not-so-deep drunken discussions at 3a.m., as well as efficiently, and sometimes permanently, derailing both personal reputations and political upwards movement beyond repair. And in my case, concerning what could have been my future in-laws almost two decades ago, an opportunity for them to espouse their ignorant racism under the odious guise of showing “concern” for the “troubled youth” of the inner cities. Think of any person of note or infamy, and pause to reflect upon what you “know” about them, dwelling on just how you came to acquire this vital intelligence in the first place- odds are you didn’t get it from any source that can boast a collection of Pulitzers, am I right?

I thought so.

But here’s the Damocles Sword of it all- while it’s relatively harmless fun to debate whether or not if Bigfoot, UFO’s, the Loch Ness monster, the Illuminati, and Denise Richard’s acting chops actually exist, it’s quite the other side of the coin to carry such arrogant idiocy forward in relation to approaching the world of the Real, regardless of what subject is being disseminated for the public entire. If you need solidified proof, look no further than the political propaganda that has corrupted the trust in regards to the sanctity and security of our democratic institutions, and tainted the charter of the free press within this country over the last few years.

And the reality that the damage already wrought by such may be somewhat irreversible, is truly something that should strike the chord of ice-cold fear in the heart of any rational person, both here and abroad, and not just because some basement-dwelling, Hot Pocket consuming, right-wing Proud Boy wackadoo with a number of *George Lincoln Rockwell tattoos may act upon it.*[George Lincoln Rockwell was an American neo-Nazi, who after being discharged from the US Navy for his extremist views in 1959, founded the American Nazi Party. Among his charming attributes was the belief that the Holocaust never occurred, and that the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. was a compliant asset for (sigh) Jewish Communists who started the Civil Rights movement as a means to rule over the white community.

He slurred ed African-Americans as a “primitive, lethargic race who desired only simple pleasures and a life of irresponsibility” and supported racial segregation. On August 25, 1967 in the parking lot of an Arlington, VA laundromat, Rockwell was murdered by a former member of his own party, which just goes to show that even an inbred NAZI can get it right every now and then.]

What I mean by this, is the thought that believing in the Deep State or the New World Oder doesn’t carry much of a social impact if it’s just your local man-bunned barista who espouses it, but when that same virulence is proudly borne by an elected representative or a celebrity who has both the ear of the public and unconstrained access to all the forms of the Media? Well, at that point, the bets are off as to what harm can be fomented when that particular *Lemarchand Puzzle Box is loosed upon the pustulant pinheads of the world.*[A Lemarchand’s Puzzle Box, first seen in the 1987 horror film Hellraiser, is a puzzle which when solved, serves as a key to accessing an interdimensional plane of existence, whosedenizens are truly demonic, and is definitely one of those things you should never try to analyze or casually play around with, no matter how smart you think you are, or how well-intended you may be.]

Just leave it where you found it, and walk the hell away. Trust me on this. And the very same should be said about anything you’re told that doesn’t come from a trusted and verifiable source, and no, an American flag avatar laden website run out of what used to be an active meth lab doesn’t count, shockingly enough. One might think that this would be glaringly obvious in this, the Golden Age of Informational Access, but as the past presidential election has just brutally shown, it is sadly not, and it’s only going to get worse.

To set the stage, let me offer up just a few quotes regarding such courtesy of the visionary sci-fi author Isaac Asimov: There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way throughout political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.”

We have a new buzzword, too, for anyone who admires competence, knowledge, learning and skill, and who whishes to spread it around. People like that are called “elitists”. That’s the funniest buzzword ever invented because people who are not members of the intellectual elite don’t know what an “elitist” is, or how to pronounce the word. As soon as someone shouts “elitist” it becomes clear that he or she is a closet elitist who is feeling guilty about having gone to school.”

“I believe that every human being with a physically normal brain can learn a great deal and can be surprisingly intellectual. I believe that what we badly need is social approval of learning and social rewards for learning.”

Nailed it. With ten-foot-long mother**king spikes, no less. And typically, right through the heads of certain people who, due to their usage of aluminum foil as a means to block the mind-control rays consistently blasted at them by agents of the Deep State, have made the cover for the annual stock report of the *Reynolds Group so many times, that they’ve achieved honorary mascot status, if not the fawning respect of their fellow GOP / QAnon cult members and enablers.*[Reynolds Group Holdings is an American packaging company that produces a variety of widths and thicknesses of aluminum foil in the U.S. under the Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil brand.]

However, this intellectually vacuous demographic of density most certainly doesn’t see their conservative idiocy campaign as being anything less than a noble beacon for those floundering in the far-too-bright, if not the painfully caustic, spotlight of Reality. But honestly, should we expect a course of sane and sober thought from a mass of morons who are literally one tiki-torch away from burning down their local Chucky Cheese, because Alex Jones, a right-wing wackadoo and  magnet for dumbf**ks, may still yet one day, tell them that’s where the government’s “weather weapons” and the chemicals that are “turning the frogs gay” are stored?

Both of those by the way are actual things that Jones has claimed exist, along with a host of other publicized assertions, such as the particularly vile one that former First Lady and Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, along with several trusted associates of hers, were solely responsible for running a… (Wait for it) “demonic sex-trafficking ring” inside a local pizza shop, located in Washington, D.C. Although Jones was not responsible for this conspiracy theory, which became known far and wide as “Pizzagate”, Herr Hedgehog gave it enough publicly administered oxygen to inspire one of his devoted followers, a mental midget by the name of Edgar Maddison Welch, to enter the Comet Ping Pong Pizzeria in late 2016, armed with both a .38 handgun, and a AR-15 rifle, from which he dispensed several rounds, despite there being no evidence of observable sex-trafficking whatsoever.

Fortuitously, no one, including several children that were present, were hurt by Welch’s brain-dead act of sheerly delusional, yet entirely sober dipshittery, and he was eventually sentenced to four years in prison. The sentence was based on not only the obvious stupidity of the act itself, but the extenuating circumstances preceding it, such as driving more than 4-1/2 hours from his residence to the restaurant, in order to liberate the nonexistent victims, akin to how Travis Bickle rescued Iris, a child prostitute in the 1976 film classic, Taxi Driver. It requires noting that despite the warnings of others not to proceed with his pinheaded plan, Welch regardless set it in motion, rather than taking the logical step of contacting qualified law enforcement instead with his unfounded concerns.

Jones for his part, and most likely as a means to distance himself from what could have easily turned into a mass shooting, issued a videotaped statement via his website known as InfoWars, which to many, came off less as a heartfelt declaration, than it was a palpable non-apology masquerading as such. To bolster this opinion of mine, I present to you the full transcript that Jones posted not-so-coincidentally, on the very same day that Welch was convicted


JONES: “Alex Jones here with an important note to our viewing, listening, and reading audiences. I’m going to read to you from a statement that is also posted to Infowars.com that I wrote yesterday.

    Last fall, before the presidential election, a large number of media outlets began reporting on allegations arising from emails released by WikiLeaks that appeared to come from John Podesta, who served President Clinton and Obama and was the chairman of Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign.

    Dozens of those stories and articles raised or discussed theories that some of Podesta’s emails contained code words for human trafficking and/or pedophilia. Stories also included allegations connecting members of the Democratic Party with a number of restaurants allegedly involved with a child sex ring. These stories were cited and discussed in social media and went viral on the internet.

    One of the persons mentioned in many of the stories in the media was a Washington, D.C., restaurant owner named James Alefantis, and his pizza restaurant Comet Ping Pong. It is fair to say that Mr. Alefantis is a prominent individual who has been mentioned as a power player in Washington. Mr. Alefantis and his restaurant were mentioned in many stories published by a lot of different outlets. Mr. Alefantis was quoted in many subsequent stories, and he denied any involvement in such reported child sex rings. These denials were reported in the national media and many other outlets and news websites.

    The volume of stories was substantial, generating national headlines and came to be known across the country as “Pizzagate.” We at Infowars became part of that national discussion. We broadcast commentary about the allegations and the theory that the emails contained code words. We raised questions about information in Mr. Podesta’s emails and the Comet Ping Pong restaurant. We believed at the time that further investigation was necessary. In December of 2016, we disassociated ourselves from the “Pizzagate” claims and theories, a position we reiterated last month after being contacted by Mr. Alefantis.

    In late February of 2017, we received a letter from Mr. Alefantis asking that we retract certain statements that he says were made in seven of our broadcasts between the last week of November and the first week of December in 2016. We have attempted, through our lawyers, to contact Mr. Alefantis to discuss with him what sort of statement he would like to see made.

    In our commentary about what had become known as Pizzagate, I made comments about Mr. Alefantis that in hindsight I regret, and for which I apologize to him. We were participating in a discussion that was being written about by scores of media outlets, in one of the most hotly contested and disputed political environments our country has ever seen. We relied on third-party accounts of alleged activities and conduct at the restaurant. We also relied on accounts of reporters who are no longer with us. This was an ever-evolving story, which had a huge amount of commentary about it across many, many media outlets.

    As I have said before, what became a heightened focus on Mr. Alefantis and Comet Ping Pong by many media outlets was not appropriate. To my knowledge today, neither Mr. Alefantis, nor his restaurant Comet Ping Pong, were involved in any human trafficking as was part of the theories about Pizzagate that were being written about in the media outlets and which we commented upon.

    I want our viewers and listeners to know that we regret any negative impact our commentaries may have had on Mr. Alefantis, Comet Ping Pong, or its employees. We apologize to the extent our commentaries could be considered as negative statements about Mr. Alefantis or Comet Ping Pong, and we hope that anyone else involved in commenting on Pizzagate will do the same thing.

    Here’s what we have done to clarify to the public. Months ago, we took down the majority of broadcasts and videos including ones that only passingly mentioned Pizzagate. This happened months before we were even contacted by Mr. Alefantis. Mr. Alefantis objected to portions of seven particular radio/TV broadcasts. We have taken down those seven broadcasts and we have attempted to take down any broadcasts that mentioned Mr. Alefantis or Comet Ping Pong. We have attempted to do so not just on our website but also on social media sites such as our YouTube channel. If Mr. Alefantis has any other objections, we invite him to let us know. Two reporters who used to be associated with us are no longer with us. In a recent broadcast, I invited Mr. Alefantis on our program to state what he wanted to, and I again do so here. He has given interviews to many media outlets, and he is welcome to come on our show.

    In issuing this statement, we are not admitting that Mr. Alefantis, or his restaurants, have any legal claim. We do not believe they do. But we are issuing this statement because we think it is the right thing to do. It will be no surprise to you that we will fight for children across America. But the Pizzagate narrative, as least as concerning Mr. Alefantis and Comet Ping Pong, we have subsequently determined was based upon what we now believe was an incorrect narrative. Despite the fact that we were far from the genesis of this story, it is never easy to admit when your commentaries are based on inaccurate information, but we feel like we owe it to you the listeners, viewers and supporters to make that statement, and to give an apology to you and to Mr. Alefantis, when we do.

We encourage you to hold us accountable. We improve when you do.”

JONES: And again, ladies and gentlemen, that was — we got distracted off by MSM on this stuff in D.C. when it was all going on in New York and that’s why day one, I saw it, I saw the media, and I said, “Get off that.” And I did that because we’re not psychopaths, we actually look at what is reality and then focus on that. We don’t go like MSM with their misinfo and just cold-bloodedly spew lies, this person’s a racist, this person’s this, this person’s that. Just because it gets us ahead in what we’re doing, we’re all about integrity, and that’s why we make mistakes by covering MSM, focusing on it, and the huge debate. We will absolutely own up to it, and make right for it, as we just did.”

In other words;
“Sure, we can’t actually come right out and fully accept the blame for our pushing a baseless and wholly insane fantasy as being credible to the point that somebody could have easily gotten killed for our doing so, but we’re also not going to say directly that the story itself had no merit to begin with in the very first place, despite that fact being obvious to anyone who hasn’t made huffing paint more of a career path, and less of a hobby.

Despite the fact that multiple media outlets had broadcast denials, due to the story itself being batshit crazy, we who work tirelessly at the same place that maintained  that the massacre at Sandy Hook was a “False Flag” operation, weren’t going to be dissuaded from whipping up our base into a mindless frenzy just because it wasn’t true. Granted, even now, we publicly posture that we did nothing wrong, because “we’re not psychopaths”, despite all recorded evidence to the contrary, and besides- it’s all the other media outlets who are really at fault here, don’t you know?

Now, here’s a story about gay frogs operating underground rave parties so that they can turn your newborn baby into a communist socialist who will join Antififa, and murder you as you sleep.” 

Notwithstanding the dubious sincerity of this piously shallow act of self-flagellation, his actions before (and since) the incident are really what should be put under the societal microscope, in order to determine the consequences for such future irresponsibility. This critical focus should be applied not only to him, but to the others of his ilk as well. This wasn’t a case of differing personal opinions; this was an act of targeted harassment, crafted solely to further an inane political agenda, and such careless actions should warrant an equitable punishment for doing so, no matter what mealy-mouthed rationalizations are eventually dispensed.

Notwithstanding this opinion, Jones is not the only cog of conservative maladjustment powering the far-larger juggernaut of mass delusion, a societal aberration that started sweeping across this country, just about the same time the populace within it dared to place an African-American in the formally all-White House as their nation’s duly elected leader, One cannot be a cult leader, even albeit a cult of morons, without the willing culpability of said morons after all, and when it comes to tapping the stores of such in this country, it’s no surprise that Jones found the metaphorical shelves to be literally overstocked.

The reservoir that I’m alluding to, is the current so-called conservative movement currently boiling over the edges of America’s formerly stalwart melting pot, and the singular reason why I label it as “so-called”, is because it has as much in common with the true roots of conservatism as Melania Trump has with the comparisons to Jackie O, or that I do with the art of diplomacy. In essence and my personal opinion, I’m not known for my tact, Melanoma’s a mail-order call-girl, and when it comes to the success of the modern-day Republicans’ abominable point of view infecting my fellow Americans, I’m thinking that somewhere in the fiery bowels of Hell, even Hitler himself has to be dually jealous and impressed for the toxicity of its message becoming interwoven into what was once considered the impenetrable fabric of our nations’ humanity and normalcy.

How we went from the era of trickle-down Reaganomics to being reluctant bit-players in a 28 Days Later cosplay, isn’t that hard to dissect, if one looks at both the annals of History and the A-holes of histrionics currently amassed as the Trump base. We’ve seen this culture of diseased thought before. We’ll see it again. And that, only because a far-too-large chunk of Americans have both the memory and intellectual capacity of a goldfish speed-balling paint thinner. And most certainly, they not only possess all the anger of a middle-aged “Karen” discovering that African-Americans have the same right to openly shop at a Sprouts just like she does, but that they’re the ones who bought the very last bottle of Kombucha as well.

Oh, the horror these desperately despicable deplorables have to face almost every day. It’s truly a miracle that they’re able to get up, put on their white hooded ensemble, and drive their Trump-flag-festooned trucks to his latest ego Viagra dispensation, masquerading as a political super-spreader rally. Bravery beyond compare, let me tell you. As is to be expected, when one dares pass comment on the inanity of these lemmings of lunacy, the very same people who decry what they have come to see as a rapidly escalating anti-cancel culture, hypocritically become… well, full-on cancel-culture warriors themselves, using the anonymity of the internet in a blatant attempt to harass, threaten, and intimidate, the targets of their ire into a state of compliant silence,

You know. Just like the Founding Fathers would do, if they were ignorant dumbf**ks prone to believing in the worst distillation of bats**t craziness?

Speaking of which, I’d like to add yet another local loon log that I discovered out here in my neck of the woods, onto the flaming pyre of my innate criticism, but before I get around to doing just that, I’d like to first share with you some other unique individuals, who consistently prove just exactly why we as a nation, need to so adequately, fund both the public educational system, if not unconstrained access to birth control. And once again, this cornucopia of callowness is gleaned wholesale off the ol’ internet, which as time passes, seems less than a way to connect with your fellow humans, and more of a moral yardstick as to whom you should actively avoid meeting now, or in the future. This is mainly due to the fact that the majority of them possess a grip on actual Reality akin to the one you and I might have when attempting to body-hug a school of agitated Hagfish.

As it’s already fairly obvious, I won’t bore you with how much time a week I spend traipsing on through the murky Darklands of the World Wide Web, but I’d also like to note that I’m not as immersed up to my neck in it as you might think, either. My approach to such is akin to that of a harried soccer mom at a Walmart after work- I get in, get what I need, and don’t waste time getting distracted by the human freak show that attempts to pass itself off as today’s new normal. But I have to admit that sometimes… even I have to slow down and stare slack-jawed, at the human train-wreck that has devolved into the embodiment of the modern-day GOP.

First, there’s the train car full of those that cannot spell, utilize grammar properly, or openly express their muddled process of thought without pinning the CAPS key to the floor, as if it were a drunken prom queen unwillingly trapped in the back seat of the star quarterback’s car:
Truly rational people all, am I right? I tells ya’, nothing plucks at my heartstrings quite so hard as seeing just what unbridled patriotism becomes when sifted through the warped filter that is the right-wing brain trust, let me tell you. But these fine examples of what happens when the public school system fails, also have one further leg up over us godless, socialism-loving, science-believing, book-owning, elitist Libtards, and it is this: apparently, they’re also “nicer” than us. I know. It came as a shock to me as well, but since I did read it on the internet, it must be true, right? In fact, here is such a statement, sans any form of evidence of course, that says it’s so:Proof enough for me, as well as you, I’m sure. No. It really isn’t, you say? Well then. Let me in my limited capacity as your host, serve up even more shining examples of conservative tolerance that we as the Radical Left, could learn a thing or two from:

Ah… such warmth. Such intellectualism. Such Humanity. Such civility, and dare I say it, so much “niceness”. Such an excellent example of why one’s ability to access the internet should come with a required IQ test to ascertain if theirs exceeds that of a barely sentient rice cake. Now, while this may seem as a harsh overreach regarding knee-capping the burgeoning issue of handcrafted misinformation tainting the national consciousness, it’s worth a shot, if only to protect what little may remain of the collective soul of our certainly gravely wounded Republic. Now to be fair, lying and politics are long intertwined bedfellows with solid boundaries cementing their mutual friends with benefits relationship, and there’s no room for playing Devil’s advocate in relation to this inarguable fact.

It would be hypocritical of me to assert that only the GOP has sole franchise rights when it comes to the art of discordant dissembling, but I’d also opine that when it comes to testing the elasticity limit surrounding said activity, Republicans as a rule, have been caught with their hands in the metaphorical cookie jar so often, it’s truly stunning that the entire Party aren’t Type-1 diabetics at this point. However, even given this prior track record of disingenuousness, the last four years’ volume of their red-meat dog-whistling has been nothing short of awe-inspiring, if not thoroughly ear-shattering.

In short, we as a nation and as it’s citizenry, have been subjected to, either from the GOP, or Trump himself, the following sackcloth-and-air fabrications:

Trump won the most Electoral College votes since Ronald Reagan, the size of the inauguration crowd was the largest in American history, that “thousands” of people were bused across state lines to vote in 2016, that he faced “a historic delay” to get all of his cabinet nominees confirmed,that the murder rate was the highest it had ever been in 45 years,that terrorist attacks across Europe were “not even being reported”, that Kuwait had issued a visa ban on several Muslim-majority countries after his immigration order,that two people were shot and killed during Obama’s farewell speech, numerous (and ongoing) lies about voter fraud, that he had not paid off adult film star Stormy Daniels, that he would divulge his taxes, that Mexico would willingly pay for his fantasy border wall, that climate change didn’t exist, that he alone would bring jobs “back” to America, and that there were roving immigrant caravans hell-bent on entering the US,

There was also amusingly, several moments of unbound delusions, where Trump asserted that “nobody knows” more about social media / healthcare / infrastructure / technology / cybersecurity / campaign finance / TV ratings / ISIS / domestic and foreign policy / trade / green renewable energy / taxes / money / construction / unmanned drones / and for some strange reason, Democratic Senator Cory Booker, than he did.

This pile of already flaming-at-the-time garbage, was of course, just a small part of a previously immense conflagration that included far-worse transgressions that directly led to the possibly preventable deaths of 325K+ Americans thus far. Deaths by the way, that have only spotlighted precisely how little that the GOP and it’s beyond redemption leadership, care about the people they so facetiously swore to serve, if not protect. Two things that Trump did get right though, were his expertise with Debt and Lawsuits, of which he carelessly bragged: “I’m the king of debt. I’m great with debt. Nobody knows debt better than me.” and Who knows more about lawsuits than I do? I’m the king.”

So, I will give him those caveats at least, tone-deaf as they were.

However, the icing of incompetence atop this multi-liar cake, would have to be the blatant attempt to stage a coup d’état for the sole purpose of keeping the GOP’s death grip on judicial and legislative power, with the enablers of the Trump cult slavishly, happily and most disturbingly, openly, serving the role of his loyal ersatz *Führerbegleitkommando.
*[The elite squad comprised of Hitler’s personal bodyguards.]

Given Trump’s increasingly frantic desperation to both stay out of the NY prison cell most likely waiting for him, and the fact his fragile ego can’t handle being branded a “loser”, it’s no wonder that we find ourselves on this dark path for the first time in our 243-year-old history, and when the dust and spray tanner have settled, we need to make certain that it never happens again, come Hell or high water. But until that day finally happens, we’re going to have to listen to all of the crackpot theories and fabricated falsehoods that the GOP and its f**ked-up faithful will attempt to spread, even if the depth of their validity is as thin as a sheet of phyllo dough.

Case in point: the Hunter Biden “scandal”.

The GOP narrative: In October, the New York Post published what it claimed were copies of emails discovered on the laptop, which allegedly showed that Joe Biden, who was serving as vice president at the time of the alleged emails, and whom was a candidate at the time of their publication, had been tainted by his son’s business ventures in the country of Ukraine

John Paul MacIsaac, the owner of The Mac Shop, a computer repair shop based in Wilmington, Delaware, claimed that in April of 2019, a man who identified himself as “Hunter Biden”, brought three liquid-damaged laptops into his shop, choosing to leave only one behind for repairs, and never returned to retrieve it. Eventually, MacIsaac turned over a copy of the laptop’s hard drive to both the FBI and Brian Costello, an attorney for Rudy Giuliani, who as we all know, is Donald Trump’s personal lawyer, along with being America’s favorite mentally-cracked Uncle. Mac Isaac said he turned the hard drive over to Costello because of “fears for his safety”.

MacIsaac, who is known to be a devoted Trump supporter, has changed his story more than once in regards to what he claimed the chain of events were, ranging from how he initially got in touch with the FBI and has pushed the narrative that he duped the hard drive out of the concern that he might be murdered for “leaking information”. He has also puzzlingly claimed that he wasn’t able to positively identify who had actually dropped off the laptop, because he is “legally blind”. but said the laptop bore a sticker from the Beau Biden Foundation, named after Hunter’s late brother, the former attorney general of Delaware. In lieu of actual proof, and the incriminating sticker aside, there were two security cameras in his shop that could have aided the inquiry as to the validity of his claim, but wouldn’t you know it- the crucial footage from that specific day was automatically deleted before he realized how important it was.

Nevertheless, he still adamantly contends that the customer in his shop that day had most assuredly been Hunter Biden himself. So to recap; a legally-blind, pro-Trump supporter says that the son of the then Vice President and now President-elect, walked into his repair shop, casually dropped off a treasure trove of evidence implicating both in potentially embarrassing, if not criminal activity, without leaving so much as a quantifiable trace of his physical presence there whatsoever, and then never came back to claim it, because… reasons, I guess. And the only proof that he might have been ever there, just so happened to be deleted from existence “accidentally”.
There’s a descriptive term I’m looking for here, regarding this tale of an insidiously unethical Bogeyman of privilege that much like the “immigrant caravans” Trump once railed about, found itself to be a non-topic among the Trump Klan (pun intended) the moment it was clear that the election was truly over. Now what could the term for this be? Wait a sec, I’ve got it… that would be “gaslighting”, which is to Trump as cocaine is to Charlie Sheen- an addiction, a lifestyle, and the means by which he keeps his bitches subservient to his every whim.

Speaking of which, here’s a posting from one of his loyal familiars, that being a modern-era Step(hanie) Fetchit, who is more than comfortable with selling out her race and gender, hoping to garner the fawning approval of a primarily White conservative base, who at best, will never regard her more than as a token “Black friend” who’s not been let in on the joke they’re openly playing on her.

The fact that she labeled this tripe “compelling” as if it was anything less than a nonsensical fever-dream, while having the gall to rehash Hunter’s now-conquered drug addiction as a parting swipe disguised as “advice”, just goes to prove that when it comes to licking her Mango Massa’s boots, she’s more than willing to swallow all the way up to Trump’s cankles.

Heads up, “Cand-ass”- you can parrot their debunked conspiracy theories, their anti-minority sentiment cloaked as political discussion, and continue to claim with a straight face that in no way, shape, or form does the pox of systematic racial discrimination exist, despite the fact that you once filed a profitable lawsuit against Stamford High School in Connecticut, alleging you were the victim of it. But your Blackstage pass is a limited access one, even if you’re totally cool with being paraded out like a minstrel show of yore, for the chance yet again, to shuck n’ jive for the very same conservatives who, if you moved in next door to them, would call the cops if you so much dared to use your backyard to host a family BBQ.
[For further evidence of Owen’s hypocrisy, check out: https://newsone.com/3848636/candace-owens-receipts-con-artist/ – it’s definitely an eye opener.]

And as for telling the “kids” not to ”smoke crack”, that’s actually good advice coming from you for once. Maybe you should pass that tidbit along to Don Jr, right after you remove your lips from the one that delineates Trump Sr’s ass from his face. Just a suggestion. But I didn’t come here for the sole purpose of calling out hypocrisy only to the powers that be, I’d also like to do it for my local contingent of cravenly chowder-heads as well, because if anything, I’m widely known for my magnanimity when it comes to keep the floors of my literary abattoir open to all those who dare show me their throat. I mean that metaphorically, of course, since it’s been a while that I’ve had the creative opportunities presented by an unused crawlspace.

Interestingly, this particular slice of bark from a family tree that allegedly resembles a wreath, has been on my radar for quite some time, but after squaring away a series of cultural and politically themed screeds, I then found myself using a hypocritically home-grown faux-Christian as a chew-toy, in order to shake some accumulated cerebral rust off the ol’ writing juggernaut. This naturally led to yet another story-arc, where I tackled a bigot stuffed so full of mendacious mayonnaise and vitriol of vanilla, that he could have easily served as the main appetizer at a Proud Boys buffet. At that point, I needed a detox of sorts, so I took a brief diversionary course into the land of Sci-Fi television, and got back on course with an observational essay concerning the denizens of Parler.com, a website that shows exactly what happened to all those people in your high school who to this day, consider Leni Riefenstahl’s “Triumph of the Will” as their “It Gets Better” video.

Now, before any of you start thinking of reminding me of Godwin’s Law, I’d suggest that you conserve your breath, because honestly, it really doesn’t apply here. To clarify, Godwin’s Law, (AKA: Godwin’s Rule of Nazi Analogies) stems from a 1990 observation made by American attorney and author, Mike Godwin. The law states: “As a discussion on the Internet grows longer, the likelihood of a comparison of a person’s being compared to Hitler or another Nazi reference, increases.” This is uncannily true in most cases of online engagement, but not here, as the people screeching the loudest about Nazi-esque behavior occurring unchecked, are also frequently the ones actively supporting such actions to be undertaken in the first place.

And yes… I’m looking at you, my Trump worshiping conservatives. Inaccurate assessment, you say, wondering what actions I’m referring to? Try ones such as: demonizing minorities, anti-fascists, the educated, Feminists, abortion advocates, and the LGBTQ community, and the Free Press as “Enemies of the State, just because they dare to call Truth to Power, and demanding unwarranted investigations of them, because your team got caught manufacturing deceptions that a four-year-old could dissemble without breaking a sweat. And in a thuggish gambit that everyone with a working intellect could see coming from miles away, the classic power Fuhrer move Trump and his lackeys failed to pull off when they attempted to overturn a fair and democratic election, was something straight out of Hitler’s stage notes.

Granted, those notes were most likely written in German, just after the paranoiac anti-Semitism turned his brain into rancid Sauerkraut, so that might explain why this comically absurd coup attempt was so badly staged. The parallels that could be drawn between Nazi propaganda and a totally-not-inspired-by-Nazism-at-all Trump branding campaign, just reinforces my firmly held opinion that if the GOP could hire Hugo Boss to whip up some new uniforms for the Trump faithful they would, but that idea had to be scrapped, due to the fact his supporters can only afford off the rack at Walmart, and nowhere else.

By way of comparison, here is the self-declared Übermensch and subsequent charcoal briquet, representing pre-1945 Germany, fiercely resplendent, cloaked in glorious nationalism, and looking all badass:

And here, is the absurdly flattering depiction of his American cosplaying equivalent, who for once in his life, doesn’t look like a ham sandwich that was boiled in dollar-store bronzer:

I only say this because… well, what a captivating image. Resolute. Confident. Radiating an aura of untarnished virtuousness. And most notably, portrayed with an idealized physique he’s never possessed outside the collective wet-dreams of a MAGA rally. One minor exception however, is the underlying context where both of these fascist f**ks are concerned. While the implication is that both are dynamic leaders, if not men of action, only one of them is truly portrayed as being a stalwart “Man of the People”, which Hitler honestly believed he was.

This personal certainty is exemplified by his leading an amassed army of his countrymen, of whom we’re assured, will be victors, regardless of what enemy they may face. But when it comes to Trump…

We couldn’t possibly expect the guy with the “best brain”, the “best words”, the “highest IQ”, the “best education”, and the not-freakishly-small-at-all hands to share the spotlight, even if it’s to further his own crusade of narcissism, now can we? Sure, in the end, Hitler was a murdering sociopathic hypocrite, (and a vegetarian, no less) but our Herr Twittler just may be giving him an earnest run for his money, when all is said and fortunately, no-longer-able to-be-tweeted. Minus of course, the steamed vegetables, unless you’re taking Ivanka and Jared into account.

But even still, he’s maintained the support of at least 74 million AiNO’s [Americans in Name Only] which is both pathetically sad for Humanity, and terrifying for Democracy, as the assembled Coup Klutz Klan of faux “Patriots” demonstrated on January Sixth, in Washington, D.C. And my newest BFF, named Mary Cecelia Walker, apparently believes that the abominable act of cravenly sedition, set in motion by her traitorous President on January 6th, using the curs of lesser character he has on tap, was a perfectly dandy idea, if not way overdue.

However, as you will come to discover, the only time that connection of onomatology ever gets made, is when people find themselves endlessly asking:JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU, LADY?!!?” The main impetus for this query stems from her political leanings, which at best, come off less than being ill-informed, so much as they present as an entrenched mental illness. This opinion of mine, I heel, is clearly illustrated by this screencap from her main social media account:

Even I have to admit, when it comes to the art of pure dumbf**kery, my newest inductee into the Hall of “What The F**k Is Wrong With You?”, is conservatism’s Jackson Pollock, and not just because her social media ramblings read as if the voices in her head were drunk when she decided to let them post her dribbling online. Granted, while I will never be able to thank them personally for the rich comedic cornucopia, they have provided me for the last several months, I’m pretty sure there just has to be an amiable paranoid schizophrenic out there in the wilds of Trumpland who might be willing to do it for me telepathically, if only I asked nicely enough.

I do love how she characterizes Mike Pence as a “snake in the grass”, because he surprisingly, followed the law of the land, and not the Fascist fallacies of a vulgar man-child who thanks to his unhinged rhetoric, and base of dog-whistle-following f**ktards, fostered in one of the darkest days in this country’s history. I won’t dare speak for anyone save myself, as I’m apt to do from time to time, but I would forgo Ding Dongs for a year if I could get one of these willingly complicit traitors to rationally explain to me, how occupying a national landmark by force, walking it’s halls with the flag of an enemy we defeated over a hundred-years ago, while replacing the American one with the vile banner of a personality cult, looting its contents, threatening it’s elected officials and demanding without just cause, that its democratic process be undone, qualifies as “Patriotism”.

Go ahead. Take all the time you need.

But where our Mary of MAGAdalene truly shines, is her ability to swallow not just everything she reads on the internet as if she were Linda Lovelace servicing John Holmes, but how she also takes it immediately to heart as Gospel without even bothering to do the merest of fact checking first, and that, regardless of how insane it may sound, or actually is. I’m ever so sorry for the 70’s porn-funk soundtrack currently playing in your head right now, but I can assure you that I’m not engaging in unwarranted hyperbole solely for shock’s sake. This woman’s metaphorical fellating of absurdly paranoid and unsubstantiated fantasies is so over-developed, even Sean Hannity is in awe, if not a perpetual state of professional jealousy.

And somewhere, out in the gated communities of Texas, Ted Cruz sits alone, softly crying in his garage, drinking a room-temperature beer, because no matter how much he practices, he just can’t master his intellectual gag reflex the way Mary has. But enough of my poking fun at a woman so allegedly politically dense that she makes depleted Uranium present as anorexic. To that end, I say we get to the meat of the hamberder as it were, and serve it up with not only a great big slice of humble pie, but a steaming cup of covfefe to wash it all down as well.

As I said earlier, Mary is an Artist on par with Jackson Pollack himself. The key difference, being whereas Pollack once found himself so hammered beyond all rational thought on alcohol, that he wound up urinating in Peggy Guggenheim’s fireplace, Mary’s personal hammer of choice is the internet insipidness that she and her fellow MAGAts willingly bathe in as if they were honored guests at a spa day hosted by the *Countess Elizabeth Bathory herself. Unsurprisingly, given her adoration of a mango-tinted man-child, it really should come as no surprise that Mary has the same issue with accepting the Truth of things as her Wheezy Mussolini does trying to speak it.
*[Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed was a Hungarian noblewoman whom was known for her bathing in the blood of young girls, whose murders she had arranged, believing that it staved off the appearance of aging. And yes… that is bats**t crazy.]

However, much like the multitude of her fellow faux-patriots whose lauded degrees were downloaded off the internet, the one Mary has acquired is an amalgamation of erroneous factoids, asinine opinions, and topped with a fear that only White suburbanites can manifest out of thin air, and yes- she’s going to share her paranoid ignorance, regardless of how much damage it has done, and continues to do, to her demographic of syphilitic monkey-brains. Note I said “monkey-brains”, and not “Americans”, because Mary gave up the right to self-identify as one, when she willingly sided with our Mad King and his cravenly court of sycophantic enablers.

So, as it is with most of her fellow seditious scumbags, our not-so-proud-Mary here is also an ardent denier of the COVID-19 crisis, that so far, has killed 400,000 of her fellow citizens, which of course, couldn’t possibly be laid at the feet of her treasonous twat crush. Said twat-waffle of course, being directly responsible for both the current state of carnage, and the proliferation of hypocritically arbitrary patriotism, but Mary isn’t going to let some inconvenient Reality screw up her tin-foiled, if not oxygen-deprived worldview, no siree Bob. She’s 100% on board the Trump Train, and not just because she’s going to most likely wind up on the “no-fly” list someday.

That observation aside, I think it’s past time that I share with you and the world at large, the wit. the wisdom, and the wanton wackadoo inanity, that shapes Mary’s intellectually isolated perception of Reality, as we ask ourselves just why the one that exists outside her front door seemingly scares her so much. And to do that, I’ll lay out some of her posts regarding the all-too-real conspiracy theories, that dually, serve as the central theme of both her life, and this particular screed:
No, he did not. Not even close. 64 lost legal challenges, the ratification by the electoral college, the multiple recounts in contested states, and the temporarily paused by attempted sedition Congress proved that, so shut the h**k up, you jabbering jackass. And for the love of mythical God, stop using words that you don’t know the meaning of, and regard as boogeyman code, for no other reason than you’re an ignorantly paranoid idiot.
This isn’t so much a conspiracy, as it is Mary being one of those self-entitled Karens we want to see either being launched out of a trebuchet, or taken down face-first, by a flying tackle from a store security guard who’s been regularly abusing steroids.

That’s not how those phone apps work. That’s not how any of it works, you escapee from a loon farm. The only person that’s tracked by cell tech, is the people who own the phone to begin with, and yes, that includes you, if you just so happen to possess one. It already tracks your calls, texts, web-surfing, along with recording everything you say, so that particular Hale-Bopp comet of yours, has already flown by. And it didn’t require an app to do it.

Yes… removing statues of traitors to the United States is exactly the same as launching a world war and targeting an entire culture for genocide. Who knew? Apparently, the shrieking voices in Mary’s otherwise empty skull did, and they were ever so nice enough to give us a head’s up regarding it.

Sigh… this one is so f**king stupid, I’ll just let it speak for itself, because any joke I might make regarding it, would pale in comparison to this asinine absurdity.
This incident, that supposedly occurred at Mary’s local Walmart out here in the high desert of New Mexico, was due to the fact that in the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, cash was considered a possible carrier for the virus, and therefore, regarded as “unclean” by the essential workers in the store. Keep in mind, Mary traveled there with her cell phone (AKA: personal tracking device in hand, only tp obsess that her Visa card may be utilized for insidious purposes. More about this in a bit, as to why this was, but let’s move on for now.

Ok… if being vaccinated is anything like being raped, then yeah, I’d pass on the “cure” too, with a fair amount of relief. However, since it’s not, I can only conclude that Mary is either being a tad bit over-dramatic, or she really didn’t properly comprehend what they tried to teach her in that high school sex-ed class she flunked.

This strip-mall located “doctor” by the way, also talks about “Demon Sperm”, so… yeah, we can put a pin in this one, I think. And no, you really don’t want to know more.
Ah… YouTube, Home of cat videos, and now- , “stunning” and not-crazy-at-all evidence that supposedly validates everything from Bigfoot to nonexistent voter fraud. If only Rudy Goofyliani knew of this valuable resource, Trump might just have been able to actually win one of those 64 legal challenges that he lost. After all, if he can grab pussy half as good as he’s bragged about, how hard would it really be for him to snatch a glorious victory out of the jaws of Defeat?

Oh for the love of mythical Christ… if this woman’s mental grip on Reality gets any weaker in regards to how she sees the world entire, we’re going to have to superglue one of those special helmets to the top of her skull, and that, most permanently. I for one, have never given serious pause as to the necessity for bubble-wrapping someone’s personal environment in order to guarantee their physical safety, but I’d opine that if the need ever arose, Mary may just be our first test case.

Human clones? Transfer of memories? Hiding images in DNA? I wasn’t aware that Blade Runner wasn’t so much a dark and brooding cult classic, as it was something that an open supporter of treason potentially dabbled in on the side.

But the best of this tin-foiled twittery is yet to come, and trust me, this post by Mary’s concreted social media consciousness is one for the ages. And even though she’s not responsible for its bats**t as f**k content, her dedication to making sure it was disseminated in the first place, just further validates my assertion as to why in the hopefully not-too-far future, she’ll be an unwilling resident of a place where both she, and the plants in its lobby, will ideally, get watered and turned towards the sun twice a day.
Now because I’m a thoughtful and caring person, I won’t directly post a link to this pile of fallacious flotsam, mainly out of genuine concern what it might do to your remaining faith in Humanity, but if you’re of the mindset that it’s time to throw that metaphorical towel in the octagon before shuffling off this mortal coil, I cordially invite you to go all in with no outside concerns or regrets. Personally, I only managed to last about six minutes, before I had to go pour myself a succession of stronger and stronger shots, starting with Jack Daniels’s, and finishing up with that blue liquid displayed only in barbershops.

However, I will give you the Cliff Notes as it were, of what this fraudcast transmitted on 12/12/2020 was “predicting” for an hour and twenty minutes, and it is this, as transcribed directly off a website that I can only charitably describe as Loon Base Alpha: CIA assassination squads are active in America, taking out election fraud witnesses. We are all now living on an active battlefield. Millions of Americans being held as Prisoners of War by Democrat governor lockdowns. Media hit pieces and smears have morphed into acts of journo-terrorism. Censorship by big tech has now reached the level of domestic terrorism. Trucker blockades coming. Siege warfare against blue cities will begin. New executive order alters chain of succession at DoD in case Secretary of Defense (Chris Miller) is killed.

Biden, Harris to be named in DNI Ratcliffe’s Dec. 18th report… huge implications, Trump can leverage against Biden to try to force Biden to concede. Gen. Perna Operation Warp Speed / Vaccine D-Day briefing: Perna says “vaccine D-Day” is “the beginning of the end.” China is surrounding the United States via Canada and the Caribbean, and plans a combined land invasion and missile attack in the future.

Forensic audit of Dominion voting machines confirms their algorithms alter votes. Absolute proof now exists that the election was stolen via rigged tabulation software. Sidney Powell readies criminal RICO / Racketeering case against Dominion conspirators.

Sigh… that’s an awful lot of words to prove to everyone that you may be allegedly crazier than a soup sandwich prepared by a s**thouse rat. Just saying. At this point, even the definition of mental illness fails to adequately cover this level of self-delusion, and I’m starting to think that the possible fallback of prescription drug abuse, might actually be an upgrade of sorts, to explain just why these people live in a fantasy world so unbelievable, that even Walter Mitty himself would tell them to either step up their dosage of aripiprazole, or add a few more sessions of group to their weekly schedule.

But Mary is no one-schtick pony, boys and girls- she’s got quite the range, much like COVID-19 does now, or as HIV *[first known as GRID] had back in its day when it wasn’t considered worth combating, until straight white people started dying from it. On a related note: if there is a God, which I strongly doubt, I hope Ronnie and Nancy are strapped to an always rotating rotisserie in the bowels of Hell, being consistently anally-basted with the saltiest of the tears neither one of them shed for the victims they ignored.
*[Gay-Related Immune Deficiency]

Moving on… at the time of this writing, the COVID-19 pandemic crisis that was exacerbated by the mango man-child Mary adores, has claimed over 400T lives, not that such terrifying losses matter to her, if it means she has to actually think or act in regards to the well-being of others long before her own self-importance, that is. Nope, COVID is just another one of those insidious and treacherous plots concocted to make the former President look bad, and to keep both herself and her fellow unseeing citizens under the thumb of… well, I’m not entirely sure who the bad guy is supposed to be here, but I’m sure neither does she.

My bad. It seems I spoke too soon. Apparently, it’s the same Leftist / Socialist / Communist bastards who form the modern-day Democratic Party. Granted, while those may appear as four different and separate political ideologies to those of us, who’s brains aren’t comprised of rancid cottage cheese, to our BFF Mary, they’re all the same thing, regardless of what books, history and Realty say. I do love however, how she regards a public safety warning from our governor as a communistic edict, given the fact that she obviously has no clue what one of those is.

For the sake of clarity, this woeful woman lives in a township so small and understocked with distractions, that people from there, come to mine to have something to do, and the breadth of our “downtown” can literally be walked in under five minutes. And mind you, this assertion comes from someone who requires a cane to do so. We ain’t Dallas. Not by a long shot.

Here we see her getting upset that the EBS was utilized to warn people about the dangers of the COVID-19 crisis in New Mexico, and to offer some crucial advice regarding such, which Mary feels is a “misuse” of its intended purpose, which as we may all be suspecting by now, she most likely doesn’t know the parameters of. But then again, she may also be one of those people who think that 911 is the number to call whenever she spots someone openly wearing a “Black Lives Matter” t-shirt in her neighborhood, Where Reagan once saw a shining city on a hill, this woman sees Antifa crawling out of her hamper. Which is odd, because they’re more apt to be hiding under her bed instead.

In this post, Mary questions the reality of whether New Mexico was actually being affected by COVID, stating that there were only “18-20 cases reported by Memorial Day”. Overall, given what was going on in most of America at that time, this doesn’t sound so bad, and it wouldn’t have been, if her numbers were even remotely accurate, which to no one’s surprise- they weren’t. The actual tally was six dead, and 175 infected. Just a scooch off, I’d say. And given the possibility that every infected person could (in theory) infect three others, the conclusion one could draw from this, means that an initial total could have been as high as 525 persons, I’m thinking her math skills may be just as sharp as the ones she uses to do critical research.

It’s always adorable when someone can combine their paranoid ignorance and thinly veiled racism into one unit, is it not? For lucidity, let me just state that the city where Mary lives has as much of a chance of seeing a violent riot, as I do of seeing Milla Jovovich naked outside of a magazine, or Resident Evil movie.Oh look, it’s noted constitutional scholar Sarah F**kabee Slanders with yet another erroneous and false assertion regarding the document she used as a tampon during her tenure as Propaganda Minister for Donald Trump.… oops, I meant to say “Press Secretary”, Truly, I did. Not only is Saran and her lazy lying eye 100% wrong here, it’s also one of those pesky things that can be easily fact-checked using the merest of research, which as we’ve come to expect, Mary never bothers to do.

To note; The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” To be more concise, the 10th gives states all powers not specifically given to the federal government, allows them the authority to take public health emergency actions, such as setting quarantines and business restrictions. In other words, suck it Sarah- the government IS responsible for the health of its citizens, even its most willingly ignorant ones, such as Mary, and the compensated to be corrupt ones, such as yourself.

FFS… really, you dips**t? When soldiers are on your doorstep forcing you to wear a mask at gunpoint, then this cartoon will actually validate your previously unfounded paranoia. See, where I live, we have a city-wide mandate stating that masks must be worn while in stores, or in any other social situation where one may come into direct or indirect, contact with other people. You don’t have to wear one in your car, or in your shower, or in your home, no matter what the maskholes like to claim nonstop. A precautionary, if not wholly rational, set of guidelines to help possibly arrest the spread of a deadly virus. But for Mary? It’s equivalent to being under NAZI rule. How do I know this, past the implication of the asinine cartoon she posted? Well…

You “have a photo”, you say? Well then… could you produce it for us? And if you can, then why not post it to begin with? It wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that overall, the local police in New Mexico haven’t enforced the mandate unless the violation of such is egregious beyond the pale, would it? Nah, that can’t be it. But then again, demonizing the police is just par for the course, when it comes to the addled belief system of a mentally-deficient nimrod who is certain that CIA hit squads are “taking out” non-existent voter fraud witnesses.

With no due respect Mary, I’d suggest that this will never be a viable concern for you, because I’m of the mindset that if you do have any friends, they’re most likely either imaginary, or just as f**ked in the head as you are, so in regards to your absurd stance, I’m certain you’ve got nothing to truly worry about.

Once again, you delusional dumbass- THAT’S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS. How is it you can spend this much time using tech, and still have no clue what it can and cannot do? I can only imagine the unintentional hilarity that must present itself watching you try to reheat your pizza using your coffee maker.

“Hey everybody with a collective IQ of seven, let’s all get together in a concentrated group to protest having to be socially responsible and wear a piece of cloth over our faces for five minutes at a time, as we call those who do, “Snowflakes”, That’ll show the people in charge of protecting the public health exactly who they’re dealing with- WHO’S WITH ME?”  Easy answer, Mary. Other goddamn selfishly ignorant jackasses like yourself, most of whom will become intimately familiar with the intubation process, somewhere down the road.

And what would Qanon-style quackery truly be without America’s favorite White Supremacy rent-boy, the one and only Tucker Carlson?

Tucker, who it’s alleged by many, will most likely one day be found dead after his regular afternoon session of autoerotic asphyxia goes horribly right, is no stranger to the world of virulent misinformation and unhinged propaganda, having won the coveted centerfold slot for the annual “Racist of the Year” issue of White Incel Seditionist Magazine, no less than twelve times.

But leave it up to the only man who can make Ted Cruz appear Butch, to slither the extra mile in order to fellate the fires of Fanta fascism. So, let’s have some fun with it nonetheless, and dissect this latest blathering from the bottom boy to Sean Hannity’s middle, in the only way I know how. That being, the manner in which Charlie Sheen gets through an average weekend. Line by line.

TC: “Fauci is the High Priest of  the Covid Cult.
AB: This assessment brought to you by the Republican altar boy that gets passed around more than a carton of cigarettes does in prison.

TC: “A paper mask is his scared garment.”
AB: Says the guy who is just dying to wear his KKK cosplay outfit on TV just once,

TC: “Cable television is his pulpit.”
AB: There is so much unintentional hypocrisy in this one statement alone, It may just have given me an aneurysm, if not triggered my gag reflex.

TC: ”The people of Washington bow before Father Fauci.”
AB: This from a complicit tool who never takes off his knee pads as to where Donald Trump is concerned,  and who has never experienced the same level of respect from strangers because he’s a douchebag, but carry on, you fascist Republican leg humper.

TC: ”They throw their Patagonia fleeces before him to ease his way as he passes.”
AB: I seriously doubt that, considering how much one of those costs. Keeping in mind thatwe’re all about recycling and Green energy, does anyone really think we’re going to toss down abrand-new coat that cost $120.00 into a dirty street? I get it Tucker- you’re willing to drop your boxer shorts on command to service the GOP extremist fringe, but the rest of us have managed to keep our dignity. You should try it sometime.

TC: ”They consider him holy.”
AB: Um… no, we don’t. We’re just smart enough to listen to an actual doctor, versus an Adderall addict who once suggested that we inject bleach into our lungs, strangely enough,

TC: ”Now, the city’s mayor Muriel Bowser has made it official.”
AB: I hate to break this to you, but that’s not how Canonization actually works. In order to become a Saint, one must do the following: First, the subject has to be dead for at least five years. This is so the emotional whirlpool around the deceased can settle, thereby guaranteeing that ghe arguments for achieving sainthood can be evaluated objectively.

After the five-year limit has been reached, the bishop of the diocese where the person died can open an investigation to determine whether or not the person lived a life of virtue and service. If it turns out the person has, the bishop then asks the Congregation for the Causes of Saints, which is the branch that advises the Pope regarding saints, for his authorization on opening the case. If this is granted, the individual can then be called a “servant of God”. The Congregation for the Causes of Saints analyzes the acquired evidence of the candidate’s sanctity, and also seeks to certify that people have been inspired by the example they’ve set.

If the Congregation supports the case, it is then kicked upstairs to the Pope. If the Pope agrees that the person lived a virtuously heroic life, they are then labeled as “venerable”. To reach the next stage, known as beatification, a miracle must occur that has to be ascribed to prayers made in the name of the deceased individual. This is seen as proof that the individual resides in heaven, and therefore, is hence able to influence God towards the benefit of others.

However, these alleged occurrences must be “verified” by evidentiary proof before they can be certified as miracles. After which, the candidate is bestowed as being “blessed”. The lone exception to this process, is for those who died for their faith, and consequently, they can be beatified, as they are deemed to be a martyr.

The concluding step in affirming a deceased person as a saint, is known as Canonization. To acquire this hallowed title, the verification of a second miracle accredited to prayers made to the intrant up for consideration is required. Once again, Martyrs are the lone exception, as they need only a single substantiated miracle to achieve sainthood.

And while Fauci has dome many things in his career that can be called virtuous, the odds of being able to successfully running the Pope’s gauntlet is not in hs favor. But then again, his odds of achieving mythical God’s imaginary favor is far better than Trump’s face ever gracing Mount Rushmore, so there is an upside after all.

TC: ”Bowser has declared December 24th– formerly the date of a notable Christian holiday- “Doctor Anthony S, Fauci Day.”
AB: “Notable Christian holiday”? Does anybody want to tell F**ker that Christmas has as much to do with Jesus and the glorification of his birth, as I have to do with organizing the Cowboys for Trump monthly high tea? The actual origins of our modern-day Christmas, originally evolved from the pagan practice of celebrating the winter solstice, and not celebrating the mythical Son of God, Jesus Christ. To note- there is NO credible evidence anywhere as to when the prophet turned Lord or All was born, and therefore, Christmas is yet another one of those pagan revelries hijacked by the Christian faith, and rewritten to conform to their beliefs alone.

However, don’t you fret, because I have it on good authority that Santa is real, so you still have that going for you. Unfortunately, it was Jesus who told me this, and since he’s imaginary, you may want to take this declaration with some salt. But on the upside, I recently stopped mixing my Rum with paint thinner, and since I’ve done that, I don’t have those kinds of conversations any more. But I also think now is the perfect time for a break from this screed, and this spot is as good a place as any to stop, methinks.

However, I’m not done with this alleged seditious supporter of idiocy just yet- in fact, I’m just warming up, and when I pick up the baton, we’ll be delving into some as yet undiscussed hobbies of hers- alleged blatant racism and Islamophobia, her love of fake news, and of course, her cultish devotion to our recently disposed mango man-child moron, the one and thank Odin, the only, Donald J. (for “jackass”)Trump.

It’ll be fun. It’ll be enlightening. And it will definitely aggravate you as well.
Trust me… I am a writer, after all.

“For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.”- Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark