Wayne Michael Reich

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Wayne Michael Reich

Vanguard of the Vanilla. (Chauvin-istic Tendencies.)

“The moral world has no particular objection to vice, but an insuperable repugnance to hearing vice called by its proper name.” – William Makepeace Thackeray, Vanity Fair

Hello Bitchiteers!

Justice has finally been served, and by this single act alone, has now caused all to be well in the World… that is, according to those White people who aren’t still furious about former Minneapolis Police Officer Derek Chauvin being held accountable for murdering a fellow American like a dog in the streets of America. You know, the land where your genetic nationality has to be hyphenated and publicized in order to make your unjustified death under the authority of a racist system palatable to those who don’t ever have to identify as European-American?

But chillax, kids. We’ve finally settled the issue of racial disparity in this country in regards to it’s policing inequalities where minorities are concerned, and can now get back to ignoring the more important issues at hand they still face, such as the rising epidemic of gun violence or the disproportion in relation to personal income, education or job opportunities. Man, it’ll be so nice to get back to normal, and start complaining about how my culture is the one most truly under threat of dissolution, let me tell you.

First, they came for my Dr. Seuss books, then they came for my Potato-based toys, and now, all I have to look forward to complaining about is the annual Starbucks Christmas cup. I won’t speak for you, but not whining publicly about how being a middle-aged white male is so hard these days for five whole minutes, has really ground my gears down.

I’m not sure how minorities are feeling, regarding their place on the planet these days, but to be fair, I also haven’t seen the current memo from us, the truly oppressed, dictating what that should be in the first place, so you’ll have to cut me some slack. Like I’m supposed to get without question, because… well, you know White. Sorry, I meant “why”. Yes. I definitely meant “why”.


While my commentary is obviously with my tongue planted firmly in cheek, when it comes to the revolting art of racist seed scattering, there’s already a superfluity in place regarding those devoutly committed dogmatists who are doing it as both a career, if not a lifestyle. I’ve touched upon this before, but sadly, it seems that no matter how many times the metaphorical throat of racist ideology is slit, albeit with logic or a chainsaw, it just shakes it off, finds yet another uneducated cretin to manifest itself in, and starts breeding anew, as if it were a rabbit mainlining Viagra.

Speaking of low-IQ entities harboring puerile philosophies, I find myself yet again on the allegorical doorstep of a man who is quite possibly, the best example of what might result if Mattel ever decided to launch a commemorative Klan Barbie accessory line. Barb’s long-term and sexually questionable orientated hunk of man-cake, just so happens to share some basic characteristics with our subject for today. The most relevant being that they’re both icons of a bygone era, and if you ever dare to pull down their pants, the odds of seeing noticeable genitalia worth bragging about, will always be zero. I’m obviously kidding of course, as Barb’s boyfriend, so-called, could always order a set off of Amazon, and just glue it on, whereas today’s screed subject can only rely on his collective racist misinformation, and inherent personal paranoia to hopefully distract others from noticing the void that mythical God left between his legs, if not his ears. As someone who prides themselves on being accurate, I’d hate to draw such a conclusion without hearing from his better half as a rule, but unfortunately, I’m also fairly certain that in order to, I’d have to inflate her first.

Allegedly, of course.

But before we get into all that, a small diversion of sorts, if I may. If you recall the last time I stood upon my social warrior soap-box, I spun the truly riveting tale of my interaction with a certain granite-brained worker drone at my small-town DMV- an experience that in retrospect, showed exactly why they have to install all that bulletproof glass in those otherwise cubicle moron farms. It’s not to protect the sensitive information that they possess, it’s to keep their employees safe from those customers who are giving serious consideration to doing the following out of sheer frustration:
This is not to say that I openly endorse, or willingly condone, enacting any form of cartoon-level violence against government contractors, but if such a thing was both ethical, if not legal, I’d also note that yours truly would make it a point to corner the local ACME market in regards to falling anvils, and sleep the sleep of the just and recently wealthy. That small rumination aside, it is with no small amount of personal pride, that due to my concerted effort, some changes are a-comin’ to the ol’ Silver City DMV, and those, right quick.

For not only did I manage to get some of the top brass personally involved, I also secured the mandatory “retraining” of the individual I issued my initial complaint about, as well. Other minor tweaks regarding their day-to-day operations were promised to be installed in tandem, and I was repeatedly assured that the odious oaf who had been dealing with the public was no longer doing so, and that a suitable, if not more professional  replacement was soon to be hired, to boot.

Time will tell whether or not these revisions will be truly implemented, or even take firm root, but it’s a start to say the very least, of I do say so myself, and I do. While it may be true that you cannot fight City Hall, as the maxim states, apparently… you can purple-nurple it into unwilling compliance, if you only bother to apply some semblance of personal effort. Speaking of which, I’d also like to address what that also constitutes, and the posted electronic commentary I’m about to highlight, is so not it.

Some context: thanks to the fact I construct a great deal of my writing endeavors at my office away from the office, AKA; The Little Toad Creek Brewery and Distillery, located within the charming township of Silver City, NM, I’ve gotten a semi-deserved rep as a dude with a unique perspective on life, which is small-town diplomatic-speak for my being way over-opinionated, regardless of the topic to be discussed..  

Obviously, I don’t mind this perceived assessment, as it does open certain doors, and helps keep less palatable ones firmly locked shut, but it does lend itself to a few moments of WTF weirdness every now and then. Don’t misunderstand me, I’d rather field the random question pr two concerning my POV and observations, than have them shunned or ignored outright to be sure, but there are times where even I ask myself why I remain  open to the process of such.

Case in point? This recently received electronic missive sent to my website:

Greetings from a road warrior.

Hi, My name is S*** N******, and earlier today I ate at a bar in Silver City. The nice young waitress suggested I contact you.  I had told her that I have written a novel that has been read by some thirty people, half of which are not connected to me directly. It has been met with a great deal of enthusiasm.

Some ridiculously so to the point of me thinking I should hide the darn thing. It is a fantasy, a Navajo Narnia with Castaneda thrown in. One Ben Caswell an actor out of LA an screenwriter fell in love with it and is stuck 2/3rds the way through a script. Not for lack of understanding but for lack of umph during our Covid crisis.

    So I think what intrigued her was that I mentioned I had a new solution for some of our political problems and am writing a short book, but I also intend to start doing YouTube videos about it. I was a radio DJ in Santa Fe as a hobby gig although I was quite popular due to my humor and an unmistakable voice. The kind that sells high end cars in ads. Although I have a Chicano, Texas or California non accent depending on the moment.

    I anticipate pissing off the Left and the Right and the Libertarians with my ideas, but I think they are original for the moment, but I’m sure they have been put forth before. However some of my political ideas are based on redefining some of our language specifically words used in economics. And further a radical approach to crime and punishment.

    The most mundane of my propositions are already out there from others like the obvious ending the War on Drugs. Never the less for some reason the waitress thought we might talk. Not exactly sure why. Either she thought you might be helpful to me in getting my novel published or in turn she believed that the political ideas might be of some interest to us both.

    Anyway fell free to respond or ignore if it is of interest or not as you wish I’m a bit beyond polite formalities at this stage of my life. Best S^^^


Somewhere out there, in a far-flung and purposefully remote corner of this beauteous land known as America, the ever-wandering spirit of Jack Kerouac, just took a celestial moment of personal introspection, looked skyward, and uttered; “Jesus. And you people thought that I was pretentious?” 

If and when I ever have the free time and access to a Ouija Board, I may just have to hold a séance to summon the author of the one book I once labeled in my High School English class “far less fascinating than watching paint dry in Portland during a rain storm”, and issue the sincerest of heartfelt apologies. But to justify this take on my requested input, let me unpack why this is so

First, for a self-declared “writer” his inability to punctuate and utilize grammar properly, may, in time, become a career hinderance. Just saying. And while a mark of quality is generally not based on the number of appreciative fans it garners, the “Twilight” cinematic series being a prime example, if you’re going to use it as a factor, you should probably be able to post numbers far greater than those who attend kindergarten can count up to.

Not to mention… a “Navajo Narnia”? C’mon man. Haven’t our noble Native Americans suffered enough debasement in regards to their culture at this point? In case you haven’t been paying attention, our indigenous population has been fighting the allegorical White Witch since She showed up without an invitation, and started gleefully passing out her blankets laced with Smallpox.

And BTW, who in the hell is Ben Caswell, and more to the point, why should I, or anyone else for that matter, supposed to care to begin with? Let’s see… according to IDMB.com, he’s an American actor who worked steadily, mostly in TV, during the mid-90’s and early 2000’s. However, the most recent production credit I was able to find during a cursory search was 2006, so I’m fairly comfortable with stating that his career doesn’t appear to exactly be on fire at the current moment, so…

This professional arc is correspondingly akin to the one that the backpacking pamphlet-writing YouTuber wannabe who penned this conceit masquerading as query, has. And yes, I’m aware this assessment may be a tad bit over the top, but my dance card in regards to the arrogantly dense is full-up these days, so tossing in a D-List celebrity name-drop isn’t really going to impress upon me an urgent sense of need to provide critical counsel, when it gets right down to it.

As for the dissecting the remainder of this mental morass, I’ll just gloss over the remaining salient points of my personal annoyance. The first being, that I don’t care about your hobbies, your distinctive voice, or your supposed ability to successfully shill motorized penii-substitutions, or what your regional accent of the moment is. Why this is even suggested as an asset for a writer, is truly beyond me, but I’m sure it’ll look good on the flyleaf of your unsold book jacket someday.

Moving forward, I also don’t give a damn about your politics, either. Pissing people off, while both personally fulfilling, if not somewhat entertaining, literally takes no enviable skill-set to achieve. And I’m living proof of that, if anything else. True debate is about finding the common ground that may exist, semantics and politics aside. Even I, a Snark extraordinaire, understand that. And I live for confrontation, very much in the same way that a four-year-old looks toward to Christmas.

Shockingly, there are very few “new” ideas that exist within the paradigm of what currently passes for political discussion these says, but this in itself, is not a new phenomenon, nor is it to be unexpected, either, given the anti-intellectual climate sadly festering away in our national consciousness. And speaking of things that bear the stench of rot, who ever told you that signing off a personal communique with the literary equivalent of “”whatever”, inflicted a great disservice upon you at best.
Arrogant, dismissive, and derivative, is no way to walk through Life, my child. Sure, it’d be hypocritical for me to ignore how well some of those elements have worked out for me, but I’m also not trying to change the world entire, just my little corner of it. And that, in a manner that others, with any luck, find to be truly entertaining. One can only hope.

So, here’s my professional advice, although you may not like it: work on your craft, lose the haughty attitude, fill in that giant-ass chip on your shoulder, and most importantly, pull your unjustly swollen head out of your ass when you get a free moment.

Because I’m fairly certain it’s jammed so far up there, that you’re currently utilizing your belly-button as an observatory window. Just my two cents of course, and you can take it or leave it, for as you so eloquently stated; “I’m a bit beyond polite formalities at this stage of my life”, and tolerating pedantic pinheads such as yourself, is no longer a thought I so charitably entertain, even if only for the merest of moments. Here endeth the Lesson. Do with it what you may.

Just keep it away from your Ego, if at all possible, because that guy is a real jackass.

Fortunately for my small community, this particular mass of moronicness has moved on to seek the haven from which he’ll lick his eventual wounds resulting from his failure, but as the diminutive Jedi Master Yoda once said to the essence of Obi-Wan Kenobi: “No. There is another”, and sadly, he’s all ours. And even worse, someone taught him how to use the Internet, as if he were a real boy. Decidedly, one that’s allegedly been taking his life cues from a David Duke pamphlet, but I digress.

I’ve written about this particularly hypocritical hate-monger at some length previously, and to be quite honest, thought that I was done wading through his ignorantly intolerant Klan kiddy-pool, but here I am yet again, pondering as to the reason why use of the Web doesn’t come with both an IQ test and a mandatory psych-evaluation. Hell, you need a license to go fish, but when it comes to the act of spewing derisively dangerous prejudice, it’s almost as if society gives you a free hamburger, a pat on the back, and wishes you the best of luck regarding your endeavor in narrow-mindedness.

The Greek philosopher Plutarch once noted that; “The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled”, and if I were to ascribe this assertion to today’s screed subject, I’d have to avow that his intellectual pilot light was not only blown out quite some time ago, but that his metaphorical vessel is filled to the brim with what might be charitably described as the rancid pickled brine of bigotry as well.

In essence, my initial perception that If he were a character in a PIXAR movie, he’d either be depicted as an overly paranoid vanilla shake, or as an overly angry jar of mayonnaise, still stands, notwithstanding the fact that there’s always room for improvement, when it comes to slurring the disciples of density with accuracy and humor. And when it comes to the art of calling out Truth to alleged White Power, I’m more than happy to do it, if only to remind these Jim Crow cowards that they will never go unchallenged.

And with that, let me sadly reintroduce you to my community’s answer to what happens when you give an ethnically-paranoid child a coloring book, and only a box of Crayola flesh-tone only crayons from the 1970’s to work with. In fact, given his previously ascribed loathing for BLM, and his insistence on mewling “All Lives Matter”, I’d suggest that if the current social justice movements had been as prevalent as they are currently, he would have had this inanity proudly emblazoned on the side of his COPS lunchbox:But as usual, I’m getting slightly ahead of myself, and our waiting bigot-in-the-wings ain’t gonna announce himself, so Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s hear it for the one, and fortunately as of yet, only box in existence of Vanilla Wafers made racist flesh, who ignobly, is making his third appearance within this, my pixelated kingdom of Snark. Lucky, lucky him. Loyal Bitchiteers, may I present Mr. Ken Cykala, Nature’s retort to the query of what a night full of poor decisions, misplaced optimism, and a broken condom can manifest as in the end..

However, I have to give begrudging credit where it’s due, and to be fair, the unfortunate completion of his birth does reinforce the multiple reasons why mixing already short-changed DNA with a worldview on loan from Tucker Carlson, rarely breeds a person of exceptional character worth lauding. This is of course, my humble personal opinion alone, but far be it from me to form such an interpretation without providing evidence as to why, and the best that I can provide comes straight from the horse’s ass himself.

Oops. I obviously meant to say “horse’s mouth” instead, but apparently, my Freudian slip got caught on my keyboard. My bad. Silly me. What isn’t silly however, is that despite two previous literary deep-dives into Ken’s lack of character, humanity, cultural curiosity, and intellect, I’ve barely scratched the surface of just how emotionally and disturbingly stunted, his psyche seems to be. We all have issues, but some like Ken, seem to have a lifetime subscription to every bigoted falsehood that’s currently being printed.

These include, but are not obviously limited to the following inaccuracies, such as that there is no such thing as institutionalized racism, BLM and Antifa are domestic terrorists, victims of police brutality are in fact, deserving of what they’ve received, Whites and their “heritage / history” are under a siege of sorts from liberals, welfare recipients, Socialists, African-Americans, Communists, unchecked crime, illegal aliens, cancel-culture, science, and all of these are being manipulated or outright controlled of course, by the true enemy of the people, AKA: The Media.

Or even quite possibly, our Evil Alien-Lizard Hybrid Overlords. Which I feel, is an undeserved bad rap, given their major positive contributions to the advancement of reality television. Oh, wait… never mind.

Ken’s ideology to be sure, comes off less like a patriot espousing that which truly makes America a beacon to others, and more as if Rockwell Kent had succeeded in making the Boys from Brazil a reality, just before he was assassinated by one of his own supporters. But enough happily reminiscing of days when the planet was made a little bit lighter and better by the forced removal of one of it’ most defective cogs, because there’s snarking that needs to be done, and I’ll kick it off with this dog-whistle classic::
Typically? That would be fearfully and willingly ignorant White middle-aged persons such as yourself, Ken. You know, the kind that despite the numerous times they’ve been informed and shown evidence as to why BLM is so damn necessary, still react as if they’re the ones being cheated out of a professional victim award or something.?


What they are saying however, is a truth that you don’t want to face, and pretend most fervently doesn’t exist. That being, when it gets right down to the brass tacks of your discomfort, Black lives seemingly matter less than the snow-blinded ones of people like you, who claim that the institutionalized scourges of racism are a falsehood, as this meme so definitively states:

This declaration I note, that more likely than not, has been sent from an ivory tower within the clearly defined boundaries of a gated community, rings true, if only you ignore the race-based disparities in regards to educational funding, financial stability, economic opportunities, and truly equitable treatment under the law. But other than that, nothing to see here, people. Just go back to your side of the tracks, and whatever you do, don’t get all uppity, demanding that which we in the White community casually take for granted.

Because if the phrase “Black Lives Matter” bothers you, but the corresponding one of “Blue Lives Matter” doesn’t, then the real issue that you’re having so much trouble with isn’t the imagined priority of which lives matter, but the use of the word “Black”. And do you know why that is? The odds most likely to be considered indicate that you’re an outright racist, regardless of whatever memes you so mewingly post, which by the way, only reinforce my belief that not only are you a bigot beyond all doubt, you clearly have no cohesive argument as to why you continue to be in the first place.

Glad I could clear up this mystery of the ages for you, my blubbering bigoted buttercup. After all, it’s a widely known fact that whenever I can afford to do so, I try to offer focused guidance to the intellectually crippled. And no, you don’t have to thank me, as I do such charity for the love of the craft, as it were. Now while all evidence to the contrary says otherwise, rest assured that the GQP will always have a race card or two up its sleeve to play in relation to its unfounded claim that racism is no longer a concern for America’s collective minority demographic.

This is a ploy that I like to refer to as the “Some of my best friends are…’ gambit, and usually involve the public presentation of persons from whatever community that the GQP is currently in the process of slurring or disenfranchising, as “evidence’ that they’re not harboring or fostering openly racist tropes, a move that more often than not, backfires spectacularly, as they tend to choose spokespeople who in no way. shape, or form, are supported by those they falsely claim to represent,

As the American filmmaker and activist Bree Newsom so clearly explained; “Being a Black person who’s willing to be a public advocate for White Supremacy is  ajob that always pays, so the position is always filled.” Case in point? This modern-day Step-anie Fetch-it right here:   I’d like to point out as I’ve done in previous screeds, that if you’re going to claim that racism in America isn’t institutionalized, you just might want to make sure beforehand that your chosen flag-bearer leading the charge for such, didn’t once sue their former college for… you guessed it, “institutional racism”. Just a suggestion that I’d offer up, in an attempt to avoid any future hypocritical awkwardness.

But I will admit, I love how compliantly the African-American collaborator openly uses the codewords of “Western civilization”, as a substitute for “White culture”, because Lord knows, none of us can see the blatantly attempted whitewashing going on here, now can we? This is akin to the “Taco trucks on every corner” analogy, once made by yet another bigoted house-lackey known as Marco Guiterrez, who co-founded the political group “Latinos for Trump”.

Apparently, after gazing upon the “Roaches for Raid” civil movement, he was similarly inspired to assist in subjugating the very culture he was raised in, and that Conservatives tirelessly endeavor to keep politically docile. Sadly though, he’s not alone in his attempt to highlight the stunning inadequacies inherent within our public educational system, as proven by the photo below:

And when you keep in mind that this person is somewhat representative of the foot-soldiers of the odious Alt-Right movement masquerading as dutiful and loyal citizens, you’d have to think that it shouldn’t be nearly as hard as it has been to achieve true equality for all: Seriously. Can anybody tell me as to how it is that we’ve ever lost any of the high ground to these walking bags of racist pork-rinds?

I don’t want to be perceived as being overly petty here, but being stymied overall by a person who willingly appears like this in public when isn’t Halloween, or not on their way to their side-hustle as a professional ass-clown, is just downright embarrassing at best, no matter which side of the political fence that you may find yourself on

.I hate to break this to you Ken, but shockingly, a country founded by the White wealthy elite, who instilled a governmental system based on class to maintain power, while cruelly exploiting slave labor to build its infrastructure, may not be able to kick its labeling of African-Americans as 3/5th of a person addiction overnight, sad to say. Especially considering, said African descendants weren’t granted the right to vote freely, until the passing of the Voting Rights Act in 1965.

But yeah, racism isn’t ingrained in our national morality whatsoever, my sentient jar of racist mayo.For after all, you as a middle-aged White man, living in a town that has fewer African-Americans in it than one would find in an Osmond cover band, definitely would have his finger on the pulse of what African-Americans go through, both culturally and politically. It’s truly a puzzler as to why they as a whole, never listen to your deep insights. Such as this one, for instance:Yep… Ken’s definitely the best choice if we ever have the need for a culturally sensitive attaché to the Black community, isn’t he?  Pretty much in the same way that Matt Gaetz should be a High School coach for a girls’ basketball team, if I were to be so bold. I do love how the meme mentions that his not owning slaves and modern-day Blacks not being forced to pick cotton, somehow sets the standard for how African-Americans should gauge the fear and disenfranchisement most feel when leaving their homes.

Take it from the White man who as a child, never had to face the very real danger that he might get shot for doing the same innocuous things that White people do, such as walking, driving, eating in public, and trying to cash a check. He knows what’s best, and he’s got the memes to back it up, even if he doesn’t have the proof to support his bigotry. So, the KKK, a White supremacy group, is akin to four separate ideologies focused on equality, civil rights, and anti-fascism? I had no idea,

But then again, does Ken? Because the last time I checked, the only group I had to worry about was the one who advocates for racial purity, and it sure as f**k isn’t BLM, Antifa, or those who carry a pocket copy of The Communist Manifesto. Personally, I get the feeling that if Ken were alive and living in 1933 Berlin, he’d be the type of citizen who would happily and dutifully, let the local Sturmabteilung division know exactly who were helping the Juden.

And no, I’m not apologizing for that analogy either. In my opinion, he’s just a few matches away from lighting the metaphorical fires under both the ideas he loathes, if not the people who represent them.

But don’t ever worry about Ken being a one-schtick pony kids, because is it turns out, our favorite bigoted boy-band member is also an anti-masker too! Who would have guessed that his alleged personal idiocy had so many subtle levels to it? ’s kind of like he’s a racist lasagna, except that the noodles are pages from The Turner Diaries, and the sauce is made from the ichor that Tucker Carlson spews nightly.

Interestingly though, Ken isn’t an anti-masker in the way that you would think. There’s none of the expected conspiracy theories about how COVID-19 is/was a plot by the Chinese / Illuminati / Shadow Government / Nickelback to control the populace, and to be complimentary, I find this to be somewhat refreshing. If fairly inane. However, because Ken has the alleged intellect of a cofefe hamberder, he’s still going to put a uniquely dense spin on his POV, that literally, nobody else could top:
Sigh… this meme, posted during a time of national crisis, is figuratively so goddamn stupid, that my temporal lobe after reading it, immediately issued a letter of resignation, and retired to Florida, where the collective density there, seems almost quaint in relation to this cuckolded opinion 

“They are bothered that your strength shines a light on their weakness”?

Dude… you’re such a f**king craven that you’re literally freaking out at the mere suggestion that for the five minutes you’re inside Walmart, you could try not being a selfish prick, so maybe you should sit this one out, kitten. Preferably in the corner, wearing a damn mask. And when it comes to “strength”, I nor anybody else, should ever take any form of advice from somebody who soils themselves every time they see an African-American person wearing a BLM T-shirt walking towards them. Just my opinion, of course.

I’m also fairly certain that when it comes to being asked to practice social distancing as well, Ken is also probably one of the first in the crowd to start comparing it to communistic oppression, despite the fact that he truly has no freaking clue what that really entails. And no Ken, not being able to use the “N-word” freely in public isn’t so much oppression, as it is pest control.

Ken’s other obsession atop his personal pyramid of them, concerns what he and others of his ignorant ilk consider to be “The Enemy of the People”. I am of course, naturally referring to the Free Press, both analog and digital. And Ken despises them, with a passion only equaled by his hatred for sharing the planet with those who advocate for the people whose melanin levels are different than his.

Allegedly, of course. Just my personal observation. Nothing more.

But I would opine that If Ken’s hard-on for bashing the Media got any stiffer, the cockroaches that seemingly run his brain, could use it for a chin-up bar. Largely in part, because it’s the right size and dimension for them to do so. I myself, fortunately have no idea what it must be like to have a micro-penii, but I’d assume possessing a wang you could use to sew insignia on a white robe with, has just got to suck overall.

Allegedly, of course. Just my personal observation. Nothing more. But I would be remiss in my duty as a Snark of Great Snarkitude, if I didn’t back up what I’m stating without proof, which as we’ve all come to see is the area where Ken’s light really shines the brightest. And I for one, would hate to encroach on the only thing that he does better than anyone else. Outside of Tucker Carlson, that is

Well, this is… something, I guess. I’m really starting to form the opinion that it’s not the Media that Ken certainly hates, it’s the acronyms that define them. That’s a joke of course, but the real humor to be gleaned here is just how thin Ken’s doll-skin is in regards to what he perceives as their respective political leanings. To quote comedian Stephen Colbert; “It is a well-known fact that reality has liberal bias”, a concept that Ken views in the same way that Superman looks upon a Kryptonite condom.

Sure, it has its use, but keeping it nearby just hurts too damn much.

I do get why he might have an issue or two with the networks that consistently called out the Mango Mansicle he so desperately still pines for, but PBS? Dude… how in Odin’s name could you have any issue with a network that promotes scientific knowledge, appreciation of diverse cultures, and calls for the celebration of humanity? Never mind. I think I just answered my own question. Given his unfounded disdain, I’m starting to wonder if the Muppets should take a restraining order out on Ken, if only to protect Mr. Snuffleupagus.

Staying with the branding of the brain-dead, Ken also posted this gem of polished hypocrisy as well:
Before I gleefully dissect this particularly disingenuous masturbatory fantasy masquerading as commentary, I’d like to first post the thesaural definition of hate, classified as: “intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury”, or as “extreme dislike, disgust, antipathy, or loathing.”

And while some may see this as being the face of hatred:

I’d bluntly suggest that this, the literal personage of a disgruntled vanilla wafer with unfortunate internet access, is the one we should consistently use in its stead::
This picture is so grand in its insipidness, that the only thing that could top it for whiteness, would be if a loaf of bigoted Wonder bread took a selfie, Ooops. My bad. Obviously, one already did.

So, the present level of twisted and unhinged hatred that we’ve all been experiencing, is solely the fault of the aforementioned networks, and nobody else? Imagine that.  Because if I were to look at the current situation, I’d suggest that the responsibility of our said sociopolitical climate could be laid down at the feet of cultural and economic inequality, systematic racism, semi-fascist policing of the citizenry, right-wing propaganda and unfounded conspiracy theories, along with the consistent fear-stoking by the GQP, to name just a few.

But that’s not how Ken sees it, no siree Bob. It’s the scary TV people that are ruining this otherwise great country, and nothing else. Interesting however, that the asses of evil known as FOX, OAN, and the odious ogre known as Newsmax, somehow managed to escape being listed, huh? I’m sure that’s just an accidental oversight, given their track record for stoking the fires of increasing republican fascism, misogyny, Islamophobia, xenophobia, and outright paranoia. I’m sure Ken will get around to editing his meme, right after he gets done ironing his khakis, and polishing his tiki-torch.

Now, if Ken ever reads my collection of scribes focusing on him, he’ll probably take great offense at being accurately labeled as a bigot, and that’s to be expected. As the saying goes: “Racism isn’t a touchy topic, if you’re not a f**king racist”, and I would have to agree. But ol’ Ken I’m sure, would be injurious to with that POV, as he most likely believes that his unsubstantiated bigotry isn’t the result of his being an alleged racist, it’s because his pride in being White is being wrongly misinterpreted.

Naturally, this doesn’t translate as a clarion call to arms for White supremacy at all.

In fact, here’s a beautiful presentation of what Ken believes, taken yet again, directly from his Facebook page. While I may be “blocked” from it, others are not, and I can’t thank them enough for doing the hate harvesting that I require to keep you all so entertained:Damn. I’ve heard of a persecution complex, but never a persecution planet. I’m not sure what color the sky is in the hellish fantasy world that Ken resides in, but if I had to take an educated guess, it’s probably charcoal grey, and rains razor blades wrapped in Colin Kapernick posters. I’ve often made the joke that these drama queens play the victim card so much, that they should carry their own police chalk, but I feel I may need to amend this where Ken’s warped sense of being a target of the liberal mindset is seemingly concerned.

Ken should not only continue to carry his huge bag of pure white (of course) chalk, he should probably add a team of CSI’s to eventually prove one day that his bigoted paranoiac delusions are justified. But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t break down this ode to self-pitying putridness, so let’s rock.

Ken: “I will not apologize for being Caucasian”

Who exactly, has ever asked you to? And at what point, did this supposedly happen? Or is it more accurate to say, that you don’t appreciate the fact that minorities are demanding the same access to the equality and privileges that you take for granted, and are ever so brusquely (for you, anyway) raising these uncomfortable issues to the light? Nah, that couldn’t be it. After all, as always, you’re the victim of cruel fate here, and all because others are biased against you due to your skin tone.

A social disorder I’m sure, that the African-American advocacy groups you fear and despise so much, would know nothing about. Here’s a cookie to ease your pain, champ- you know where I suggest you stuff it.

Ken: “I will not apologize for supporting good cops.”

Nor will you for supporting the bad ones caught on video murdering citizens either, but I’ll be addressing this hypocrisy of yours in some depth, later on.

Ken: “I will not apologize for loving my Asian, Native American, Black American & Hispanic friends.”

Once again, when did any liberal, or rational conservative for that matter, ask you to do this? I’d normally suggest that you’ve been listening to the voices in your head more than you normally do, but the odds are more likely in favor that they’re currently hanging out in the same place where your imaginary friends are, due to their embarrassment of being publicly associated with you.

Ken: “I will not bend my knee for anyone but the Lord.”

And yet, you’ll willingly get down on both, to swallow whatever FOX and Sean Hannity ram down your throat without the benefit of dinner and dancing first? Weird, that. And in reference to the “Lord”, I can only assume you’re name-dropping Jesus, the mythical Son of the mythical God, whose teachings you don’t follow, whose life lessons you never learned, and whose message of providing comfort and understanding to your fellow human, you deliberately ignore.

Not to mention that since there are a multitude of other Gods being worshiped on this planet at present, I’d suggest that you not forget the following truth of :the situation at hand:

Because as your chosen imaginary Lord is supposed to already know, I’d hate for you to be perceived as the hypocrite we all know you to be, so I took the slogan you’re so fond of screeching, and just tweaked it a bit. I really hope you like it as much as I do.

However, there is a question I must ask of you, Ken- if you truly are a Christian, then why is it that a Black man taking a knee to protest police brutality annoys you so much? After all, in this country we have no ;less than 8M Jehovah’s Witnesses who don’t salute the American flag, and 200T Amish, who won’t stand for the National Anthem. But a lone African-American kneels respectfully, and all of a sudden, it’s as if someone gave you an atomic wedgie. Yep. Nothing there to unpack, that’s for certain.

Ken: “I will not be brainwashed by the media.”

This bold assertion of independent thought brought to you by a walking bumper sticker who routinely posts fake “statistics”, disingenuous memes, and cherry-picked conspiracy theories, but I digress. Also, in order to be brainwashed, one must have a brain to begin with, so…  but as an added bonus,, when the zombie apocalypse finally happens, this mental deficiency of yours will actually become a strength for something other than embarrassing your parents on a daily basis. A natural immunity from the walking dead, as well as knowing that if ignorance is truly bliss, you must be Zen 24/7?

I may actually be a tad bit jealous here. No lie.

Ken: ”I will not apologize for believing in the Second Amendment.”

There’s a crowbar separation when it comes to believing in the 2nd, written when muskets were considered to be state of the art at the time, versus now, where any schmuck can lay down more ordinance inside an Arby’s faster than the time it takes somebody to blink. For the record, I’m not anti-gun, I’m anti-frustrated-inced-with-unfettered-access-to-guns, and that’s it. For people who claim not to “live in fear”, as you often do, you guys also seem to be afraid of everything in general, regardless of whether or not a bullet could actually stop it.

If you have more bullets in your home then books, odds are pretty good you shouldn’t be allowed to carry in the first place. But what do I know? Maybe it’s perfectly normal to have a need to strap on a fake dick when you go to get a cup of coffee. After all, you might run into a Black person there, and you don’t want to be caught without firepower if they dare to start kneeling. Or even worse, sit at the table next to yours.

Ken: “I will not apologize for being a God-fearing American.”

Nor should you, as the amusement you’re providing claiming to be one, is pure comedy gold that none of us want to see stop anytime soon. You’re an American very much in the same way that I, a partial amputee, am the principal dancer for the Moscow Ballet. You don’t get to call yourself an American, if you loathe both the forward progress of civil rights and the demographic that so desperately requires them. Just saying.

And “God-fearing”? If your mythical God is love, as his best-selling novel of fiction suggests, then why as a faithful believer, should you ever have to worry about being subjected to his wrath? Oh, that’s right… because at best he’s an absentee landlord, and at worst, a petty murdering sociopath. You know, the kind of role model that everyone should take moral cues from. As I’ve noted before, I have zero issue with Faith, when it’s being used as either a crutch or a shield, but when it’s transparently weaponized to justify one’s personal biases and lack of character, that’s when my claws come out.

And as a heads up Ken, if there truly is a God, I can only wish you good luck as you explain to his celestial face as to why you were perfectly fine with ignoring the decree to be found within John 15:12, which says: “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” I’m sure he’ll totally see your side, what with his tendency to velvet glove all those who don’t follow his vaguely arbitrary list of rules.

On a related note, when he kicks you into Hell, feel free to drop by my condo overlooking the Lake of Fire, as I throw both one hell of a BBQ, and I would love to introduce you to my next-door neighbor, Bob Ross. Just don’t ask him about “happy trees”. He’ll literally talk your head off, and nobody wants that.

Let me if I may, take a moment to recap our tale up to this point thus far. I’ve covered Ken’s obsession with BLM & Antifa in previous outings, noting his unfounded paranoia and bigotry in relation to such, and here, I’ve touched upon his intense dislike of the media that doesn’t share his inane world view. I’ve highlighted his refusal to accept the indisputable fact that whether he likes it or not, America continues to fail in its attempt to acknowledge its inherent racism, and that he’s one of the cogs in its clockwork juggernaut of corrupted jingoism.

And with that, you might think that there could be possibly nothing further to discuss in regards to Ken, but you’d be wrong. While I’ve firmly established his alleged bigotry, and wryly noted his lack of cultural sensitivity, I’d also have to express some form of begrudging admiration that he can literally swallow anything the GQP pushes, as if he were a Republican porn star.

However, that’s the beauty of dealing with someone whose character is what one might consider to be at rock-bottom already… once you’re done sweeping their metaphorical cellar floor, you terrifyingly discover that it has a previously concealed crawlspace.

This is not to suggest that it’s akin in any way, shape, or form to the one that was in John Wayne Gacy’s house, and filled up to the floor beams with the corpses of young men, nor does it share any similarities to mine, which is crowded with not only the remains of karaoke enthusiasts, but those soulless bastards who start filling out a personal check at a grocery store, but only after they’ve been standing in the “cash only” line for the previous ten minutes.

No, I think it’s far more diplomatic of me to submit that when it comes to Ken’s allegorical hidey-hole, the only corpus delicti to be observed will be the cadavers of his flawed conscience. While he arguably may not be 100% responsible for stacking the remains of his logic, humanity, and religious faith in a disused corner as if they were cordwood for the firepit, he most definitely didn’t do a damn thing to keep their demise from becoming imminent, either. And for that, I see no need to cut him any type of slack.

What can I say? A Snark has to have his standards, or all becomes chaos. Chaos, I tell you. But what is the polar opposite of chaos, you ask? Well, that would be Order of course, whether that’s enforced by either by the deliberate enaction of society at large, or stereotypically, under the firm hand and steely gaze of law enforcement’s varying levels. Levels I might add, that are justifiably being put under the microscope these days, much to Ken’s impotent anger.

As you read earlier, Ken proudly boasted that he wouldn’t “apologize for supporting good cops”, not that anybody should ever feel that they have to do so as a rule, but he also won’t go out of his way to condemn bad ones either, and that’s kind of a sticky wicket when one is riding their high-horse on the crumbling ledge of an ivory tower. I’ve called attention to Ken’s hypocrisy regarding his selective soap-boxing in earlier screeds, but the best two examples I can think to repost would be these two shining examples of personal contradiction:
Man, the amount of doublethink required to maintain both of these opinions in tandem, is probably the main reason as to why Ken’s extended warranty on his intellect got cancelled almost immediately. In essence, Ken duly maintains that you should ALWAYS follow a police officer’s commands without question, unless you just so happen to disagree with them, in which case, your eventual arrest is the byproduct of unconditional overreach, and you’re really the one who’s the true victim in this scenario.

Coincidentally, this opinion of his never seems to be applied to African-Americans when they’re in the same situation, but I’m sure that’s only because they obviously have no idea how to do the White thing, pun most definitely intended. In fact, it seems that when it comes to the numerous incidents of police brutality, racial profiling, and outright murder of his fellow citizens at the hands of the cops, Ken has no other POV, save for the fact that the cops are never at fault.

And that, irrelevant of whatever video evidence or eyewitness testimony may be provided as proof that a civil rights violation occurred. Don’t misunderstand me, we’ve all had a moment or two in our lives where we’ve walked on by a situation wearing blinders, but very few of us would go so far as to overdo it and Superglue our eyes shut as an additional precaution against that which makes us uncomfortable.

But since Ken has no sense of reality to begin with, he’ll post intellectual diamonds such as this, where he chides a constitutionally elected lawmaker, who just so happens to be a member of the disproportionally harassed race currently protesting abusive authority, no less. But why exactly, is Ken so upset to begin with? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that he thinks the pursuit of Justice is supposed to stick to the schedule of his own legally warped time-clock:Personally, I would love to hear Ken’s rationalization for the death of Philandro Castle, who was following an officer’s commands when he was murdered by the same in front of his own kid, or that of 12-year-old Tamir Rice, who was murdered as he played in a public park with a toy gun, by an officer who shot him immediately after getting out of his car. And who, BTW, voiced no commands whatsoever, before doing so.

Maybe we should talk about Breonna Taylor, gunned down in her own home, as police were serving an illegally obtained an illegal warrant, under the guise of searching for an individual that they ALREADY HAD in custody? I’m sure his defense will be epic in its scope. Honestly at this point, I’m stunned by Ken’s ability to consistently tie himself into a Gordian’s Knot without his kidneys squirting out his nose.

Also, you just have to love the following totally non-racist advice from the middle-aged White dude that goes: “If the victims would just follow the instructions given by law enforcement they would be alive today. Third, you should be teaching your race the importance of personal accountability to themselves, their family and to society,”

Hmm. Did anyone else notice the Freudian slip peeking out from under Ken’s weekend BBQ robe? He didn’t say “criminals”, or “suspects”, pr even “thugs”. He said “victims”. This seems an odd choice of phrase to enlist, if the individuals who were murdered at the hands of the police were the ones truly at fault, don’t you think?

For the definition of such, is as follows; :“One that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent, one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions, one that is subjected to oppression, hardship, or mistreatment.” By this classification alone, it’s fairly obvious who’s at fault here, and it sure as f**k isn’t the Black people that Ken feels need to hear his condescending concern.

The condescendingly self-righteous counsel of “this means conduct yourself in a professional manner, especially when authority figures are involved”, targeting a demographic that cares not for his opinion nor the open machinations of those who tend to oppress them, is particularly galling as well, if I were to say the very least, as apparently this instruction doesn’t seemingly apply to the person who was arrested for doing the very same thing that Ken said YOU SHOULD NEVER DO,under any circumstances, in his hypocritical posting above.

I wonder exactly White that is. Sorry. I meant to say “why”. Yes. I definitely meant “why”. DEFINITELY THAT, AND NOT THE OTHER THING YET AGAIN. But maybe I’m making too much of his slip of the fingers, because if Ken is known for one thing past being an alleged and hatefully misinformed bigot, it’s his innate ability to come up with viable solutions to society’s ills:

Yup… let’s all try to change the so-called mind of a Blue Lives bootlicker whose access door to it is sealed up tighter than Ebenezer Scrooge’s wallet at a gentlemen’s club during happy hour. While I do agree with the fact that the police should be granted a modicum of esteem, I’d also state that the mantle of Respect is earned, and the one of civility is granted. And in the case of “bad” cops, they don’t deserve the first, and generally test the tensile strength of the second.

However, Ken doesn’t appear to believe that bad cops exist, despite all evidence available for his casual perusal to the contrary. This critique, is reinforced by yet another posting of his, and as usual, just simply reeks with the stench of his hypocritical self-righteous privilege yet again:

This inanity by the way, is brought to you by a person who still supports the criminal mango that is Donald Trump, and as you can see by the two equally as dense comments from two of his ilk, just hammers home how wide a net ignorance can cast. I mean… “Saitenist”? C’mon Walter… you may be far older than the dry-rot that sits in the creased folds of that shrunken apple you call a brain, but you had to have seen “Rosemary’s Baby” when you still remembered how to spell, didn’t you?

And Ken? If a cop deliberately (and cruelly) murders the very people he’s only supposed to arrest, then guess what? He’s no longer a cop, he is in fact, the “lowest of the low”, and there is no distinguishing him from the underclass you are so willfully game to see purposefully mistreated. There’s also the concept of  ‘innocent until proven guilty”, an inconvenient truth that you don’t seem to appreciate much.

It’s widely known as “Due Process”, and serves as a crucial legal protection and cornerstone to that which ensures our citizenry doesn’t get locked up on a whim and a prayer. And it’s supposed to apply to all, regardless of skin tone, personal influence, wealth, or past criminal history. Shockingly, cops aren’t supposed to murder the guilty. But even more relevant? They’re not supposed to slaughter the ones who haven’t been proven to be so, either. You know, because they support the enforcement of our laws, and not the prosecutorial actions resultant against those who break them?

Take for instance, the abominably inhuman death of Minneapolis resident George Floyd, who met his end at the hands of a sadistic piece of Satan’s bacon with a badge, a now unemployed and rightfully convicted sociopath, by the name of Derek Chauvin. Here’s an evidentiary photo of officer Dudley Dowrong at work, engaging in the activity that will hopefully ensure that when he goes to prison, he’ll get passed around like a pack of top-shelf cigarettes:

While Chauvin’s defense team pitifully tried (and subsequently failed) to sell Floyd’s death as “excited delirium”, a debunked theory which conveniently doubles as a liability-neutering excuse, Floyd hardly met the requirements for such a bogus claim to begin with.

He was handcuffed face down on the pavement, with three other officers in proximity, and there was no defensible reason for Chauvin to purposefully (if not coldly) place his knee on Floyd’s neck, as he and the other complicit slabs of Satan’s bacon watched dispassionately as his life was choked out of him, for NINE AND A HALF MINUTES. This occurred unabated, despite pleas from Floyd’ and the gathered crowd, begging Chauvin to stop.

A side note of sorts? If it wasn’t necessary to choke to death the seditionist who in the process of doing so, murdered a cop by bashing in his head with a fire extinguisher, then it sure as f**k wasn’t necessary to do so to a handcuffed suspect, for doing nothing more than allegedly attempting to pass a fake Jackson, Unless of course, you’re emulating the behavior of Jackson himself in regards to how he treated Black people, that is.

At Chauvin’s trial, his defense team feebly asserted that Floyd’s history of drug use and underlying conditions caused his death, and not the effect of having his neck compressed, Unfortunately for their shift the blame game, two separate autopsies, one conducted by the Hennepin County Medical Examiner, and the other by a private medical examiner hired by Floyd’s family, mutually agreed that Floyd’s passing was due to an act of homicide, meaning his death came at the hands of Derek Chauvin, and was not, I repeat NOT, due to his heart condition and prior drug use.

Sorry Kenny. I know how much you had your heart set on wanting to be able to pin it on the Black guy, but I’m afraid, that much like your sex life, you came up short in the dark, yet again.

However, the opinion of respected and qualified professionals that eventually led to Chauvin’s conviction, and which was based on the autopsies and the videotaped evidence showing the murder, doesn’t mean squat to a Trump fetishizing troglodyte like Ken, and he’s definitely not afraid to say so, when given the merest of opportunities to do so, once again utilizing the platform of the social media giant he claimed he was going to leave months ago,

That is, until he realized that outside of his like-minded bubble, he would have zero relevance. For let’s face it, being just another middle-aged intellectually impotent ignoramus that posts inane offal like this, hardly qualifies you as a brave maverick, even among your own willing-to-worship-a-turnip kind:

Well. That settles it. Kenbot here, was once seated for two days in a jury for a civil suit, which as we all know from watching reruns of Law & Order episodes, is so similar to one involving an abuse of authority leading to an unjust death (AKA: a murder) that one could easily be misconstrued for the other. If Ken views sexual congress in the same way that he does the law, I can only assume that his girlfriend sports a whole bunch of bruises around her belly-button after he performs his dismount.

We can just ignore the testimony of eyewitnesses who were at the scene, the medical evidence presented by the multiple qualified specialists within their respective fields, and most certainly, we can jettison the cellphone camera footage that SHOWED THE MURDER AS IT HAPPENED. Because after all, that officer just had to be in fear for his life, right? Sure, there were three other officers there, and the victim was both face down and handcuffed as well, but I’m sure Chauvin was justified in feeling that he, and not Floyd, was the one closest to fading into fatality.

Remember boys and girls, when it comes to the issue of cops murdering African-Americans, you really can’t trust your eyes, so much as you can the people who investigate themselves, now can you?

I won’t speak for you, but if I ever thought for even one second, that the handcuffed man on whose neck that I currently had my knee on, posed a serious and direct threat to my personal safety, I’d make damn sure that my hands weren’t jammed in my pockets as Chauvin’s were, as seen in the captured video. It seems to me, that if you were facing a risk of a physical attack, it’d be a good idea to have the two tools you’d require the most to stave if off, somewhat unencumbered. But maybe that’s just me.

Ken however, seemingly thinks that incontrovertible evidence is not so, and that the “real” reason Chauvin was convicted was due to an outside influence, because… of course it must. It’s one thing to claim and with some accuracy I might add, that the jurors already had their minds made up, due mostly to the due to the overwhelming evidence that painted Chauvin (correctly) as guilty, but as always for Ken, reality itself has to find itself altered, because… of course it must:Sorry you feel that way Tucker. But as the cops like to say; “You fit the description.” And referring toi one being held accountable for their actions as “lynching”? When you get hung from a tree for trying to vote, or for looking the wrong way at a White woman, then you’ll have the right to say such bulls**it with a straight face. Until then, seriously shut the f**k up, you suit wearing pig sphincter.

 The thought that all that goes against your core beliefs, must be a conspiracy, serves as a comforting salve to those who have no f**king clue as to how things actually work, but I digress. Ken has forgotten one of the foundational truths in order to validate his bigoted ignorance, and that is this: that which can be asserted without evidence, can also be dismissed without evidence. Funny how that works. So, what, or who to be more specific, does Ken hold responsible for the verdict that he claimed denied Justice its due?

Would we, or should we, expect anything less from this walking pile of acerbically asinine tapioca than laying the “blame’ on his favorite go-to boogeyman? I say nay. Nay, I say:

As I said earlier; “that which can be asserted without evidence, can also be dismissed without evidence”, and when it comes to being disingenuous, Ken approaches the act as if he were competing in the 1936 Summer Olympics. Sadly, when his intellectual resolve is tested, he tends to be a “short pole, no vault” kind of guy, as my late Oma was fond of saying.

This in itself is not startling by any means, as alleged bigots aren’t exactly renowned for their ability to carve out a niche regarding critical thinking, but mythical Jesus Christ, if Ken gets any more paranoiac about them there uppity Black people that he obsesses over as if if they all dumped him the night of the prom, we’re going to have to take away his car keys, the sharp and/or stabby objects in his trailer, and the remote control for his FOX-tuned TV.

The end result of this delusional putridness also leads to what I refer to as a supreme example of “creative omission”, where one presents a counter-argument so-called, by interlacing threads of truth within a quilt comprised of falsehoods. A prime example of this technique, would be the mentioning that African-Americans encompass a majority of America’s prison population, while ignoring the economic, educational, and the systematically racist inequalities that helped place them there to begin with.

I will say this as simply as I can without the aid of hand-puppets, Ken- the scary African-Americans are not, I repeat, NOT, coming to “burn down” your neighborhood, your workplace, or your coffee shop, so relax, you mental midget. For hopefully the last time, Black Lives Matter is not an anti-white movement, because (GASP!) it has nothing to do with you, despite your rather extensive and obvious bigotry.

Forearmed with this credible knowledge, as well as the ability to use it efficiently, let’s all take a gander at Ken’s attempt to weave half-truths into a fraudulent tapestry, and discover together what happens when an alleged bigot and the information that Google proves with actual facts, are still on a break:Score one for Ken! He actually managed to get this right… sort of. Turning to his battered copy of the dog-eared right-wing playbook, page twelve, paragraph three, if memory serves. The standard ploy is that which is inaccurate is disseminated, but the rest, of the relevant story is deliberately excised in the manner of a cancerous tumor, so that it may stand free on its feet of clay, as if it were a misguided Golem, seeking out a good Reuben.

For me to say this statement was obsessively cherry-picked to strengthen Ken’s flawed take, would be almost a supreme insult to the act itself.

To clarify, Lisa Christensen, the person that Ken is referencing, did not have any part in the final verdict as she was an alternate juror, but did divulge to journalist Jamie Yuccas on “CBS This Morning,” that; “I was worried about, you know, whatever the verdict may be if some people felt strongly on one side, other people felt strongly on the other side. So, no matter what, I felt like somebody wasn’t going to be happy,”

Now, if one takes that statement at face value with no further context, it does seem a damning indictment that most certainly bolsters Ken’s paranoid fever dream, does it not? I can only begin to imagine the level of self-pleasuring Ken must have engaged in after hearing that snippet, which to be fair, might be the sole reason why he missed the rest of her commentary that followed, because there ain’t enough blood in the male body to make both heads operate smoothly at the same time.

Continuing, she went on to say: “I felt he was guilty. They read the jury instructions to us in the courtroom briefly, but I didn’t know it was going to be guilty on all counts but I would have said guilty,”

In response to Yucca’s query of “Why did you think he was guilty? What led you to that belief?”, Christensen replied; “I just felt like the prosecution made a really good, strong argument. Dr. Tobin was the one that really did it for me. He explained everything. I understood it down to where he said this is the moment that he lost his life, really got to me,”

Regarding both the cellphone video that showed the cruelty involved in Floyd’s death as well as the bystander Darnella Frazier, who filmed it, Christensen noted; “I really felt that she felt guilty for not doing more and she feels responsible in a way, and I feel really bad for her. But I commend her on taking the video because, without her, I don’t think this would have been possible,” “It was emotional. I think my eyes teared up a couple of times, so especially seeing it from different angles and things,”

Despite Christensen’s feeling of personal discomfort being within the sighted proximity of Chauvin, her impression of him was thus: “I felt like he was the leader, and the other officers were following his lead. I kind of felt like he wasn’t taking the warnings seriously, obviously, kind of like I know what I’m doing,”

After the main jury pool were sent to deliberate Chauvin’s guilt or innocence. Christensen, along with another alternate juror was discharged, her civic duty obligation fulfilled. After more than 10 hours of debate spread over the course of two days, Chauvin was found guilty on three charges: second-degree murder, third-degree murder, and manslaughter, after which, his bond was revoked and he was placed immediately into custody.

In theory, Chauvin could spend decades in jail, as in Minnesota, second-degree murder can carry a maximum sentence of up to 40 years in prison. Third-degree up to 25 years, and second-degree manslaughter, up to 10. And if Justice is truly served, as it should be, that would be a total of 75 years, if served back-to-back, which let’s be honest, is obviously not going to happen,

But irrespective of how many years this murdering bacon-bitch receives in the end, I hold out hope that the next time he sees the sun, it’ll be when his relatives carry him out past the prison gates, secured within the confines of a crematoria urn. Ken may possibly be the only person on this f**ked up ball of space-dust and granite that can watch a video of a fellow human being getting murdered by a sworn officer of the law, and express the concern that hopefully, said cop didn’t get any of the victim’s blood on his shoes as he did it.

The reprehensible murder of George Floyd is in no way, shape, or form, a “wake-up call”. The damn alarm clock has been going off in this country since it was founded, and those like Ken, prefer to just keep hitting the snooze button ham-handedly, versus doing something about it, like unplugging the clock from its damn power supply.

I’ve said it before. I will most likely have to say it again. I don’t know what the f**k your particular problem is Ken, but I’m fairly certain it’s hard to pronounce. However, I’d also have to assume you couldn’t enunciate it clearly to me either, given the fact that your mouth is seemingly always chomping down on a pack of these:Wow. I’m currently up to 11K+ words, and I could literally write another 11K+, without breaking a sweat, given the never-ending void that passes for Ken’s limited intellect, However, I’m also starting to notice that whenever I get a new batch of Ken’s screen-grabbed assertions from a carefully chosen few of his FB “friends”, a miasma of pure malevolent toxicity slowly starts visibly forming over my trusty IBM Thinkpad, because even it knows the depth of the cesspool I’m about to go skinny-dipping in.

Metaphorically, of course, thank Odin. Although to be quite honest, swimming in a cesspool would probably be a welcome break from what feels like continuous wading through the ostensibly overflowing swine lagoon that’s exists within whatever mental aberration assumes itself to be Ken’s humanity analog.

I do have a great deal of sympathy for Ken though, believe it or not, as it must be a real bitch being able to only see three colors, that being Black, White, and Blue. Not to mention, the qualities he willingly ascribes to each, are either so far beyond the pale of rationality, or so abominably dense, that I almost feel compelled to give him both a puppy and a bowl of homemade chicken soup.

Please note that I said “almost” For while I happen to be rather emphatic in regards to showing less intelligent creatures a measure of mercy every now and then, I tend to draw a definitive line in the bland when the same creatures repeatedly keep getting their leg caught in an obvious snare trap. If one of your two kids keeps sticking his tongue into a light socket, and the other doesn’t… well, you know which one’s going to an Ivy league college, and who’s going to wind up attending DeVry.  

Or even worse, emerge as Ken’s personal hero, a twice-impeached, thrice-married, adulterous, porn-star-paying, lying, cowardly, treasonous, fraudulent man-child glaring from behind a desk, because nobody likes you. And that not only includes the world, your country, and your hometown, but your wife and kids as well. So the message here is stay in school, and make sure to study Benford’s Law, because it’s the literal key to the universe.

And just like this boiled ham in a wig that he still admires, Ken allegedly shares the same accord to engage in the most vulgar of implied slurs apropos to race relations, as well as not possessing the simplest of grasps on the sub-textual when it comes to semantics. Case in point? Ken’s deliberate misunderstanding of what the slogan and movement of “Defund the Police” actually means on its face:No, Ken. I don’t have the “guts” to share this moronic misunderstanding of yours all over on Facebook, because unlike yours, mine actually know what “defund the police’ truly means.

Sure, despite the reality that your deposed and now currently depressed, Mango Mussolini once publicly said that; “We won’t be defunding our police. There won’t be dismantling of our police. There’s not going to be any disbanding of our police”, the awkward fact remains that this apocalyptic scenario foisted by Herr Twitler and his GQP enablers, is not only utterly insane, but demonstrably untrue to boot.

To clarify that which Ken once again, dares not research, because it would reduce his stockpile of memes which he uses to cover his inability to debate using facts, I present the definition of a good concept, even if it is indeed, truly worded badly: “Defund the police” means nothing more than reallocating or redirecting targeted funding elements away from outfitting police with gear more akin  to that of Seal Team Six, and using it to underwrite programs that are designed to better serve the local community. Such as mental crisis counselors, for instance, as not every call requires an armed response.

And that’s all of it, presented in the simplest of nutshells, no less. It does not, on any f**king level, call for the abolishment of the police, nor has it ever been a demand for reducing the pay and benefits of said officers, either. I have to admit, for however long it’ll be that I get to live, I’ll probably never understand exactly how a person like Ken can spend so much time online, and yet, never set aside any of it, to do the merest of credible research.

 If he ever did, he might even win the occasional argument using actual facts to do so, every now and then. Granted, it could be also reasonably debated that I’ve spent way too much time downloading images of Milla Jovovich wearing thigh boots, but heck… even I still found the time to investigate the intricacies of the ACA in between pondering how she’d look in a Wonder Woman outfit.

Seriously Ken, you’re supposed to be a red-blooded American male- if you can’t cruise the web using only one hand, you should either turn in your man card, or watch the Phoebe Cates pool scene from the 80’s classic “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”, until you get your rhythm down.

You know which one I’m talking about. And I can guarantee, it’s a far better fantasy to obsess over, than the ones you’re currently having involving BLM. I will happily be the first to point out that the term “defunding” is an unfortunate flash point, but it’s also pointedly accurate for me to say as well, that if somebody truly wants to know what this movement regarding the demilitarization of the police is all about, Google and the information it can offer up, is no more than a few clicks away.

Therein however, lies the rub- no matter what the issue is, the person who’s either for it, or diametrically opposed against it, still must feel the need to educate themselves in regards to it, and those like Ken who blissfully exist inside a bubble amalgamated from ignorance and hubris, are never going to do so. After all, nothing upsets a bigoted Utopian gated community half as much as the graffiti of Truth does.

When it gets right to the cream filling of the perfectly chilled Ding Dong, the personal dedication to this sort of willful ignorance is kind of impressive, given the ease with which someone can choose to educate themselves. Knowing that this assessment is true, why would anyone make the conscious choice to fearfully wallow, as they strive to foster an unfamiliarity with reality in this, the Age of Accessible Information?

To what benefit does it serve to be proud of your intellectual illiteracy and outright loathing for that which should bind us in unity, but tragically, only serves to fuel those who despise all that they refuse to understand? Des it give you a sense of the power you currently don’t, and never will, have? Does it replace the love, intimacy, and prestige your life lacks? These are serious questions by the way, and I already know that you won’t (or to be more precise, can’t) answer, even if your life depended on it. Which when given grave thought, it kind of does.

I’ve always believed that when you shuffle off this mortal coil, the people who attend your funeral should uniformly be wearing black, and crying their eyes out, as they grieve your passing. If however, they’re tailgating with BBQ and beer kegs in the parking lot of the cemetery waving giant cardboard-cut-out middle fingers in the direction of your newly dug grave, odds are probably pretty good that your presence won’t be missed.                             In the end, Ted finally did get the Last Word concerning Aunt Karen, after all.            

Nonetheless, this continual back and forth that I, and many others, find ourselves engaging in with people who would disastrously lose a battle of wits against a rice cake, reminds me of an exchange from Christopher Nolan’s Batman movie, “The Dark Knight”, which occurs between the heroic alter-ego of billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne, and the iconic super-villain known as the Joker, delivered with a sense of ironic joy, as he hangs upside down, off the side of a building:

Joker: “You. You just couldn’t let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren’t you? Huh? You won’t kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won’t kill you because you’re just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.”

BATMAN: “You’ll be in a padded cell forever.”

Joker: “Maybe we could share one. You know, they’ll be doubling up the rate this city’s inhabitants are losing their minds”.

BATMAN: “This city just showed you that it’s full of people ready to believe in good.”

Joker: “Until their spirit breaks completely. Until they get a good look at the real Harvey Dent, and all the heroic things he’s done. You didn’t think I’d risk losing the battle for Gotham’s soul in a fist fight with you. No. You need an ace in the hole. Mine’s Harvey.”

BATMAN: “What did you do?”

Joker: “I took Gotham’s white knight and I brought him down to our level. It wasn’t hard. You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push.”

In Ken’s case, I don’t think it was so much a “push’ that steered him towards his particularly vile form of madness, as it was a gleeful hop, skip, and jump. For him to fully embrace an ideology better suited to fascism, and its cadre of obedient and lowly curs, required nothing more than willing compliance, and a predisposition to jump-starting a previously in-check sense of inane intolerance. Shockingly, when one lays down with the dogs of racism, they shouldn’t be at all surprised when they wake up with fleas the size of doorknobs.

Glass houses built on foundations of racist quicksand, and all that jazz.

Nevertheless, there’s a reason why I referenced the Dark Knight-, and it’s not just because it’s a great movie with a standout performance by Heath Ledger as Gotham’s eternal Clown Prince of Crime. It’s also because it inadvertently calls out the immovable object that America, if not the world, will always have to contend with, that being, the proliferation of willful ignorance.

There is possibly no stronger force on Earth than the will of someone who feels that they are being involuntarily forced to give up their preconceived notions, especially if they’re founded in a belief, rather than on evidentiary proof.

Backing up my POV, I present yet another interaction from earlier in the film, this one happening between our soon-to-be-fallen hero Harvey Dent, and the always-a-step-ahead Joker, where he wryly observes that: ”It’s the schemers who put you where you are. You were a schemer. You had plans. Look where it got you. I just did what I do best- I took your plan, and I turned it on itself. Look what I’ve done with this city and a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets.

Nobody panics when the expected people get killed. Nobody panics when things go according to plan, even if the plan is horrifying. If I tell the press that tomorrow, a gangbanger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics. Because it’s all part of the plan. But when I say that one little old mayor will die, everybody loses their minds. Introduce a little anarchy, you upset the established order and everything becomes chaos.

I’m an agent of chaos. And you know the thing about chaos, Harvey? It’s fair.”

See, we as Americans, have come to expect a fair amount of the people within a certain segment of our society, to be nuttier than Marjorie Taylor Greene giving a speech concerning Dr, Seuss. It is after all, “part of the plan”, but nobody, save outside Nostradamus himself, could ever have foreseen the influential reach of the lunacy we’ve been subjected to over the last five years. And we, just as our grease-paint clad antihero noted; “are destined to do this forever”, if the current trend of personal idiocy continues.

And make no mistake, my loyal readers, the base of GQP enablers and their disciples who are most responsible for the wave of anti-everything-humanistic currently eroding the soul of this country, are unquestionably, just waiting in the wings to launch scheme after scheme, as a means to regain their grasp on unchecked and of utmost importance, wholly corrupted power.   

In retrospect, Ken’s paranoia-fueled masturbatory fantasies regarding the “war” on cops, White culture, society, religion, the 2nd Amendment, free speech, honest media, the American judicial system, and the flammability of our inner cities, seems almost quaint by comparison, given the fact that there’s people out there who truly believe that a cabal of Satan-worshiping pedophiles who, while openly engaging in baby-centric cannibalism, also serve as overseers of a world-wide child sex-trafficking ring,

One that has a division being run out of a pizza shop’s basement, and by Hillary Clinton, no less,

In addition, they also found the time somehow, to foment a plot against former U.S. president Donald Trump while he was in office. You know, the adulterous, pu**y-grabbing, pornstar paying, treasonous, seditionist disgraced President with one of the lowest rates of sex trafficking prosecutions in recent history, who also has intimate personal and business ties to no less than five well-known pedophiles?

Sigh. It’s stuff like this that makes me wish Jewish Space Lasers were actually a real thing.

While Ken’s bigotry is a very palpable thing, the rest of his false narrative is certainly not, and neither is his sense of patriotism, his so-called Christian faith, or his concerns for those who just so happen to be outside his immediate Klan. Sorry… I meant to say “clan”.

YES… DEFINITELY THAT, AND NOT THE OTHER THING, ONCE MORE. Damn these klumsy fingers of mine.

My late Oma was fond of saying that some people’s only purpose on this planet was to remind us all what not to ever be, and in regards to that characteristic, I now feel that if she ever met Ken, he’d easily make the cut for her top three of whom not to emulate, although to be fair, I never understood why Mr. Rogers was ever on that list to begin with. My only guess would have to focus on his love of cardigan sweaters and hanging out with creepy puppets.

Who knows? Maybe I should have asked some questions, when I had the chance to do so.

Asking questions. It’s what we all should do if something that confuses or challenges us, flies across our radar, but to do so with an open and curious mind, especially right from the start, if you suffer from the lack of one. is too much of a trial for some. Ken being a prime example of this affliction, as we’ve come to discover through his dedicated approach to showing us all exactly why, some people go on to college, and others, shouldn’t be allowed to own shoes with laces.

He believes that you should always follow the orders of the police, “you” pf course, referring to Black people, alone. He believes that BLM is a terrorist group, yet ignores the very real threat of White Supremacy, when he’s not using their coded buzzwords, that is. He doesn’t support “bad’ cops, and the moment that he actually happens to see one, he’ll prove it. And no, he doesn’t need to watch your video, because it couldn’t possibly be the cop’s fault as to what happened.

He believes that “All Lives Matter”, but doesn’t ever want to talk about the Black ones. Wearing a mask is assign of personal weakness, but being afraid to wear one is personal strength of the highest caliber. He believes that all the media networks that tell him what he doesn’t want to know or hear preach “hate”, but the ones that artificially inflate his flaccid intellect are above reproach. He will “not apologize’ for things nobody asked him to apologize for, but rest assured, he would never condescend to grant the same courtesy to others.

He believes that “Justice wasn’t served” in the trial of Derek Chauvin, because the jurors dared to use their eyes to watch a murder caught on camera, and their ears to listen to the testimony of eyewitnesses and qualified professionals that proved beyond a shadow of doubt that it indeed was. And worse of all, their actions refuse to support his certainty that they should have found the Black guilty of being Black in America, which for our resident Captain Caucasian, is the worst offense of all.

He happily licks so many authoritarian boots, it’s a wonder that he doesn’t leave behind a pair of slip-on loafers every time he uses the bathroom. And when it comes to taking away the military toys and tactics that the police do not require nor deserve, he‘s of the mindset that certainly, it must be a Liberal plot to abolish the police entirely, rather than return them to the origin of their specifically intended charter.

For him, the world entire, presents as a highly infuriating, if not wholly terrifying Dystopia, and for that, I am truly sympathetic to his plight, even if he self-feeds this delusion as if it were Iggy Pop set loose and unchaperoned, in 1970’s Amsterdam. Sadly, I can offer no panacea for Ken’s issues, save for the recommendation that he undertake a personal voyage in educating himself out of his paranoiac inclinations, but we all know he’ll never be able to do that.

Not because he’s unable to, but because he hasn’t truly hit rock-bottom yet. And given his opinions, it’s fairly obvious that his version of rock-bottom still has a sub-basement (or two) underneath it.

“What a sad era when it is easier to smash an atom than a prejudice.” – Albert Einstein








Motor Mouth. (A Tale of a few Twitties)

“No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.” – P.J. O’Rourke

Hello Bitchiteers!

It is yet another gorgeous day out here in the high deserts of New Mexico. The sun is shining, the clouds look like cotton candy lazily hanging in the sky, and the local crows are just sitting around in a murder, contemplating just how their festive gatherings got such a bummer of a moniker. My guess? It’s all due to an envious group of socially-awkward sparrows, who decided to take things into their own wings, and enact their eternal revenge:

Speaking of “revenge”, it’s a topic that keeps popping up more often as of late, due to the fact I’m garnering quite the acidic reputation among the local interweb as being “that guy”, the definition of such, is that I’m an annoying Libtard / SoyBoy / Communist / Satanist / Know-it-all that dares to (GASP!!!) engage in political and cultural debate, while brazenly using irrefutable data to defend my position. I know… it’s most definitively a desperate power-move straight out of the playbook of a Machiavellian bastard, to be sure.

As I’ve previously written in other screeds, the sometimes end result of this apoplectic anger spewed forth by the most cravenly of conservatives, can range from keyboard insults, overly saturated with passive-aggressiveness and slurred between clenched fingers, to outright threats of physical violence, metaphorically deep-fried in the most bitter remnants of testosterone, and powdered with brazenness that can only come from hiding behind their mommy’s keyboard and a fake social media profile.

Entertainingly, while most of these threats come from people who think that they, and more pitifully, their effort, presents to myself, along with the digital world entire, as this:

In actuality however, anyone who reads their impotent insults and views their faux chest-thumping online posts with a functioning adult intellect, generally walks away thinking this:

Adding weight to this universally accepted assessment, is the knowledge that the majority of said “threats” are usually of an intellectual caliber akin to that of a toddler having a meltdown, and therefore, are fairly easy to mock, as I so jovially did here in my rejoinder to this twat of tenacity;Some people might read this declaration that adds credence to Danny’s family alleged adherence to perfecting their inbreeding, and sadly come to the logical conclusion that civility within our grand society is dead, but I know better. It’s more likely hiding in a bedroom closet, as if it were an oversexed teenager in an 80’s slasher movie, trying to make it to the vaunted and far-too-quickly-made sequel. But rest assured, the call IS coming from inside the house, and because a Conservative is the individual tasked with making it, you just know that it’s going to be one that’s collect.

To clarify as I’ve often had to do before, I have no issues with others having an opinion contrary to mine, as long as that opinion is backed up with credible evidence. Proven fact. Statistically sound data. In other words, an intellectual position of strength that doesn’t rely on the inclusion of angels, demons, the Bible, QAnon-derived conspiracy theories, bumper sticker ideology, or a rumor that was read off a website with the word “Patriot” to be found anywhere within its address or descriptive bio.

Especially when I find myself repeatedly dealing with a cravenly cross-section of persons who collectively, think that they possess this level of cunning villainous genius in regards to their ability to successfully debate the issues of the day;

Versus the one that they actually do:

Although when looking at it in retrospect, Megamind’s late-night claim at the Metro Man memorial during a moment of introspective career-inspired grief, that he never fully realized his evil plans regarding Robo-Sheep and the Illiteracy Beam, seems highly suspect now, given how many Americans still support a deposed Fanta Fascist, and the inherent difficulty most seemingly have differentiating between “your” and “you’re”, as well as “there”, “they’re”, and “their”, if I were to float so bold a theory: 
If you’ll allow me the opportunity, I think I’ll have to amend my comparison twixt the two, as in the end, Megamind is actually quite innovative for a blue-skinned alien refugee who’s best and only friend is an overly loyal space-fish wearing a robo-gorilla suit, and assert that the majority of intellectual voids I traverse in my day-to-day dealings are probably more akin to this guy, than anybody else:
Eggsactly right.

In addition, if you were to take into account the last three minutes that unfolded before I started writing that last joke, you’d perfectly understand exactly what I’m talking about here. For as I entered my Kingdom of The Round Table today, located within the Little Toad Creek Brewery and Distilling Company, (AKA: my office away from the office) my inner monologue of future pixelated thoughts to be constructed was interrupted by an obnoxiously uninformed voice from the table next to mine, housed in the physical countenance of what I can only charitably describe as a male free-range lummox.

Bearing a strong resemblance to Spiderman’s editorial nemesis,Jonah Jameson, undergoing undergoing a sandpaper glove colonoscopy, but without the benefit of anesthesia, this oxygen-wasting example of what happens when a Duplo block sheathed in purloined human skin forcibly mates with a dime-store knockoff of a tube of Just for Men, was having a “private” conversation about New Mexico’s newly energized initiative of permanently putting to bed as it were, the oft controversial issue regarding Marijuana legalization within our bucolic state:

And darn if he didn’t have an idea or two about it, factual information concerning the topic, be damned to Heck. I won’t speak for any of you, but I find myself all shades of enthralled when someone who clearly doesn’t what the f**k they’re talking about, feels the need to stand on a stage comprised of their empty personal-use boxes of Viagra and Vaseline, as they regal us, the chosen lucky few, with a stunningly unaware passion play showcasing just what depths of personal ignorance one can achieve.

But there we all were, a wholly uninterested captive audience for a man who had a stick shoved so far up his tight angry white-man ass, we could’ve used him as either a maypole or a cell-phone tower.   

You know. Depending on our needs at that time, and all that.

Normally, I wouldn’t find myself interjecting myself into what was a clearly defined private conversation, but this was so not that. No, this was one of those private conversations that its primary contributor wanted, nay, needed, everyone within earshot of his arrogant idiocy to hear in its entirety, even if all we, meaning me, wanted out of life at that moment, was to have some quiet time alone with our giant pretzel, as we, once again meaning I, rocked out to Audioslave. Is that too much to ask in a town where everybody normally doesn’t inflict themselves upon you?

Apparently it was, so after five of the longest minutes of my life listening to this human analog for a “Just Say No” after-school special, vomit inaccuracies in relation to the subject whose study notes for its test he most certainly cribbed from the 1936 anti-marijuana propaganda  film  “Reefer Madness”, I asked the simplest of questions: “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the difference between getting behind the wheel altered on weed, versus doing so after a four-beer lunch?”

Two things at that point became perfectly crystalline clear. One, he indeed DID mind, and that, quite a bit, and two: I really should have counted the empty beer glasses that were laid out in front of his now decimated liquid lunch. Coincidentally, or maybe not, because the Universe has a f**ked-up sense of humor, that number just happened to be, you guessed it… four. I’m starting to think that I need to hire a team of advance scouts to survey the conversational landscape before I wander into the chat, even if I am armed to the teeth with actual evidence first,

That’s the beauty of snark-based hindsight. It’s always 20/20. And always far too late to ever be useful in the crucial short-term. Given this unintentional faux pas on my part, he could have responded to my query in a number of ways, the first clearly being a fact-based dissertation as to why he had formed the opinion he had, as we’d all like to think we would in kind, if such an inquiry had been asked of us:

Naturally, rather than take that far more reasonable path of intellectualism, he opted to go with his mid-priced beer and middle-aged paunch, versus using what I can only safely assume at this point, is a pickled cabbage pulling double duty as his brain. After I was nice enough to directly point out that he literally knew nothing about what he was talking about, the main focus of my retort centering on his insistence of inaccurately describing what being “baked” was like.

This, despite the willing admission that not only had he himself had never been high himself, he had also never dealt with anyone who was, either. Nevertheless, when this discrepancy of evidentiary experience was pointed out, he responded with a common vulgarity regarding my observation, because as is often the case for those whose entire vocabulary rhymes with “duck” and variations thereof, answering like a person is quite the mental marathon, even on the best of days… or so I’ve come to surmise.

It would have been fairly easy for me to ignore his crudity outright or even respond to it in kind, and I’m certain that in doing so, I would have been justified, but I’ve found it’s far more entertaining if not personally satisfying, to take the somewhat higher road of snarkiness instead. Note that I said, “somewhat”, as you’re never going to win any meritorious battle by being mistaken for Mr. Rogers incarnate. And while this approach may work for some, it has always been at best, a zero-sum endgame for me.

So, as I proceeded to set up my ever trusty IBM Thinkpad, I ever so kindly thanked him for reminding me exactly why I don’t really miss Phoenix that much, noting that his idiocy and intellectual immaturity was perfectly in line with what my former stomping ground has allowed itself to become. His response?

Well, let’s just say it wasn’t really that much of a retort, as much as it was a confirmation of his inability to think and blink at the same time: “Well, there’s a road out front, if you don’t like what I said, you can always leave, so there you go.”

To which I replied: And you could easily do some research and educate yourself, but sadly, that sort of information usually isn’t published in the form of a pop-up book, so there we are.”

And some of you have the nerve to dare suggest that I’m not a people person? Honestly, I have no indications as to where any of you got that idea. I don’t know how many of you have ever heard the maxim: “If looks could kill”, but at that moment, I don’t believe I’ve ever personally witnessed a better example of it in my life, as his eyes were throwing so many daggers my way, that I felt like I was starring in the reboot of “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”, as directed by Quentin Tarantino:

Fortunately for both of us, glaring was seemingly the only defense against witty quips that he possessed, which given my limited physical ability and the brittleness of that stick shoved sideways up his ass, helped keep the situation from boiling over into what would be classified eventually as middle-aged white guy hip-shattering violence.

In the end, all’s well that ends well, as his two long-suffering friends who were with him, quietly paid their tab, and split the scene, taking their boozy bloviating blowhard with them, much to the delight of myself, and anyone else who had been  privy to his earlier inanity.

As a rule, I generally don’t advocate that people do drugs recreationally, due to the damage I’ve seen them cause in those who have addictive personalities, but when it comes to this guy, not only would I suggest he invest in an ice-bong chock full of some prime Laughing Buddha, I’d go one step further and state outright that some of his spare income go towards purchasing a pair of top-shelf pliers to pull that giant bug out of his ass as well.

Speaking of things that definitively need to be extricated for the benefit of the individual, if not for society itself, ladies and gentlemen, may I present the Silver City DMV, which is referred to by the locals in my town as the place where you seek employment when being a door greeter at Walmart is just too intellectually challenging for you.

This administrative morass, whose motto should be “Gib alle Hoffnung auf, die du hier eintrittst”, or for those who don’t speak German, “Abandon all Hope, ye who enter here”, is literally the perfect embodiment of all that’s incompetent, overly bureaucratic, unprofessional, and dare I say it, wholly antithetical, in regards to how the rest of my small town generally operates.

Located in a nondescript building that from the outside, looks like a gift shop you would go out of your way to avoid at all costs, it currently houses a collection of office workers so woodenly dense, that termites gaze upon them with exactly the same amount of unbridled lust that I as a 14-year-old, used to exhibit every time I saw an Elle McPherson poster,

But seriously… can you blame me?

When I first moved to New Mexico, I had all sorts of new resident minutiae to deal with, ranging from setting up bank accounts, changing my mailing address, and finding new doctors for my ongoing medical care. All the stuff they never told us in High School that we’d get to do as fully functioning adults. And now we know why… because it’s just too much fun to be had by any one person, let me tell you.

Pointless paperwork? Love it! Bloated bureaucracy? Yes, please! The opportunity to engage with secretarial sociopaths? Good mythical God, it’s like Christmas came early, and I got everything on my list. And that includes the Barbie Home Taxidermy Playset. However, I still have to provide my own cat, so I guess there is a downside after all.

Nevertheless, when it comes to scaling the Pinnacle of All That Is Joyous, nothing on this f**ked-up amalgamation of space-dust, oxygen, silicon, aluminum, calcium, sodium, potassium, and magnesium, sitting atop a semi-solid nickel-iron alloy, comes even remotely close to interacting with the seemingly untrained and mismanaged staff at this Malebolge of living Beige, lifted straight out of Dante’s Inferno.

Like most government offices that serve the general public, the interior of this Bayer aspirin tablet turned workplace, which just so happens to be staffed by people with the personality of one, is strictly utilitarian, and boasts the standard compliment of informational posters, bored customers, and the standard compliment of countertop-to-ceiling bullet-resistant Plexiglas.

Before I was forced to spend a considerable amount of my free time as an adult in one of these soul-sucking cesspools, I always assumed that such security measures were set in place due to the sensitive personal information that agencies like this have access to, as well as the residual income they tend to generate as well. That opinion has changed, as I now feel that barrier is in place to protect the employees from the valid consequences they’d face if the customers they continually fail to treat with courteous professionalism, were ever granted the permission to lay their hands on them, albeit for the merest of moments.

To be clear, in no way, shape or form, am I openly suggesting any form of violence against any essentially useless governmental employee, irrespective of how personally satisfying it might be to strap one of these human doorstops into a Gulliver-sized trebuchet and aim at the Sun, but if such actions were indeed legal and morally ethical, I’d most likely be the guy in the parking lot selling the T-shirts and coffee mugs commemorating the blessed event and related holiday.

And where I once defended those at the DMV as being overworked and underappreciated, akin to this charmingly adorable, if somewhat physically leisurely, fellow;

I have to unabashedly admit, and with the same sense of openness, that after dealing with Silver City’s vacuous variant, my current take on those formerly noble working-class heroes is more in line with this particularly harsh, and as I see it, far more accurate assessment:

As to why I currently hold this opinion deep-fried in acidic contempt and powdered with the sweetest of sugared venom, the answer is quite simple; I hate, despise, loathe, resent, abhor, and utterly disdain, personal incompetence. Mix that in with just how much I enjoy being on the receiving end of an arrogant power-trip delivered by a person who will eventually be eaten by all the stray cats that they’ve hoarded over the years, and you’ll have a small glimpse into that which raw-rubs my patience as if it were wearing a barbed-wire codpiece.

It all started simply enough, with what should have been the most unassuming of tasks to accomplish in a place where much like the TV show Cheers, everyone knows your name., or at the very least, your reputation.

The goals for that day, was quite the laid-back ones- do some laundry, wash some dishes, mail some bills, gas up the car, grab lunch at one of the Mexican food joints, and when all that was put to bed, go online and renew my car tags for another two-year span. Easy enough, right? After all, we do live in a wondrous era where technology and access have been seamlessly conjoined in an effort to make all of life’s minor chores that much easier to cross off our to-do lists, where and when we choose.

I would like to take a moment if I may, to point out that it’s this kind of delusional optimism that not only gets this nation’s citizens as a whole, into so much trouble, but also makes some of us truly believe that our signature high school look of a British-flag t-shirt combined with a Members Only windbreaker, is still considered fashionable. And no, it does not matter that we graduated in 1987, as true style is in the heart, not the head.

Speaking of heads and the opinions contained within that are wholly erroneous, when I attempted to renew my registration online, I discovered that it had been suspended, with no prior notice, and more importantly, with no stated explanation as to why it had been put in limbo to begin with. A further concern arose far later, when it was revealed to me via a rude cubicle monkey, that said inactive status had been in play for close to two years, and I had no clue that such an action had even been undertaken.

Typically, when such a snafu as this one occurs, one would either call the DMV, or perhaps take a trip down to their local office to get the situation rectified, but thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic, the method of accessing all things routine has become increasingly problematic, if not infuriating, to the point where public meltdowns both justified and not, have become the norm, rather than the anomaly they once were:

(Your Karen or Kyle’s unfounded and privileged rage may differ. Ask your manager if dealing with over-entitled morons is good for either you, or your business.)
Because of the societal fears associated with COVID, along with the resultant retractions that have arisen from attempts to curtail its spread and impact, one’s interaction with the machinations of government have been relegated to either hit-and-miss online communication, or by setting up appointments that are weeks out in some cases, and the Silver City DMV is not immune from this new and maddening reality. In fact, if anything, they seem to be gleefully fueling the fires of their customers frustration, stoking by their own incompetence, for reasons as yet unknown to us, the common rabble.

This attitude of theirs was on full display, as I tried in vain over the course of two days to find out the details as to what happened, and exactly why I was never notified regarding it. Several phone calls to the only number listed for the DMV, resulted in a sizeable portion of my time going to waste, as said number was always either busy, or when it was not, rang excessively, never to be picked up.

And as far as this so-called customer service line having an option to leave a message in any form, as a means to eventually correct your issue at hand?

All kidding aside, I point out yet again, that it’s this kind of delusional optimism that gets this nation’s citizens into so much trouble, especially when they pair it with the ludicrous thought that customer service means you actually serve the customer. As if that concept still existed, since the implementation of the T-Mobile corporation call-center model.

By the way, did I happen to mention that despite every other business in my town (save for banks) being open to the public, albeit with enforced mask and social distance restrictions in place, the DMV’s lobby is locked up tighter than the underground vault where the watchable versions of the Highlander 2 and Star Wars prequel shooting scripts are stored?

So to recap, no online option to fix issues like mine, no ability to contact an actual human using the phone to do so as well, and no publicly accessible point person at their only location to talk to, despite their staff of blathering baboons being encased behind several layers of we-aint-willingly-getting-in-your-trebuchet-anytime-soon Plexi, all while being permitted to operate fully half-assed, where a mask mandate is still in full effect.

I have to tell you, next to the merged corporate nightmare that was formerly Sprint, I’ve never met a bunch of people more dedicated to not taking my money than these New Mexican morons. The late Minnesota politician and poet Eugene McCarthy, once blithely noted that; “The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency”, and man… was he ever spot-on regarding this certainty, or what?

None of these hurdles were going to stop me of course, from getting to the bottom of things, thanks to both my personal tenacity and anger management issues, so I piled into “Rita”, my adorably red Honda daily driver, and headed on down to Silver’s very own version of *TON 618, to kick some ass, steal some pens, take some names, and then… promptly forget them.*[TON 618 is a hyper-luminous and radio-loud quasar, possessing one of the most immense black holes found thus far, unless of course, you put it up against the Silver City DMV.]

Ignoring the “closed” signs in the main lobby window, I gazed in, and saw no less than three employees, just standing around behind their Plexi Playfort, displaying the kind of hustle I’ve only observed in retirees playing cribbage while asleep. So, I tapped on the lobby glass, hoping to get their attention, which they playfully refused to give, because at heart, these pencil-pushing pinheads are all about living in the moment. Not the one that’s actually required of course, just so we’re all clear.

You, as an actual person, might tend to think that after almost 30 seconds of hearing rhythmic tapping, that one of these hired-out-of-charity palookas would, at some definable point in time, acknowledge my presence, but that’s only because your brain is continually connected to your senses, and which obviously, have more than two brain cells dedicated to their utilization.

But to the devoted go the spoils, and eventually, after close to five minutes of my massaging the glass with a full complement of silver rings, a thought cut through the mental miasma of one of these human sweet-potato malingerers, that maybe, just maybe, she should get off her ass and inquire as to what the discount James Hetfield cosplayer in front of her workplace needed.

Now to be fair, while this was my overall attitude;
This was most definitely the vibe she was transmitting, from the second she opened the door, a clipboard death-clutched in her hands, glaring at me as if I had interrupted her, while she was in the middle of orally servicing a 2-liter bottle of lukewarm pickle brine:

And to set the tone, she did so while not wearing a mask, as she was literally, face to face with me. That’s right-the DMV’s point person dealing directly with the public, and that in very close proximity, within a town that still has a compulsory inside/outside mandate for all businesses, couldn’t be bothered to wear a mask, because… well, I’m sure she had a good reason as to why there wasn’t one around her neck, or in her hands.

Yep, gotta love an agency that shuts down its physical operation to allegedly protect its staff, but has zero issue about one of its own being in a position to possibly infect the general public at large. Additional kudos must be granted to this walking morass of mental midgetry, for giving me such an uninterrupted look at her face, because it allowed me to correctly identify her for the formal complaint I’m currently in the middle of filing with the state.

I won’t reveal her name here for legalities, rather than ethical concerns, but rest assured, everyone who lives in the boundaries of Silver City knows who she is, and for the reason mentioned in the meme above.alone

In my somewhat limited defense for what is about to be said, I try not to use what I personally consider sexist or vulgar terminology, even if the word “bitch” is key in the digital letterhead of these screeds, as I find such to be lazy at best, crude at worst. Exceptions are certainly made to be sure, typically to either cement an idea I’m trying to express, or punch up a joke, but in my day-to-day life, I try to work without stepping far too commonly into the realm of the “blue”, as it were.

However, when I run into someone who makes me immediately think that their collection of sex-toys purposefully short-circuit their own batteries in an act of desperate self-protection from a set of genitalia that most definitely has teeth in lieu of labia, I have no such compulsion to seek the high road… at all. Granted, this depiction may come off as being somewhat over the top, but I’d also put forth my belief that you could pour boiling lava down this woman’s throat, and she’d eventually start belching obsidian as an end result.

But let’s get to the real fun to be had, shall we? After taking a few minutes to inform Mistress Bitchypants why I was there, noting all of my previous failed attempts to make contact with a person that could actually do something, she retreats back into her Fortress of Sullentude, locking the door behind her as she does, because apparently, she took my above joking threat of stealing their pens seriously.  

As if would want knockoff generic Bics?

When she emerges, she snottily tells me that my registration was pulled due to a lapse in my insurance, which was only not true, but was also the second time that they had made the same error, and that, immediately within the initial month and a half after I had originally registered the car. In other words, it was their mistake. AGAIN. Meaning, that if I had been pulled over by the cops for even the most minor of reasons, I would have been subject to tickets, and depending on New Mexico law, possibly arrested or been at risk of my vehicle being seized, but … oops, I guess?

However, even though it was obviously their f**kup, it was up to me (naturally) to prove that they were wrong. Because, f**k me, that’s why. Therefore, I had to go see my insurance agent, who through gritted teeth, lets me in on the fact that this is such a common occurrence regarding this particular branch of the DMV, that they can literally set their office clocks by the consistency of their screwups.  

Speaking of which, I had to spend almost an hour getting the proof I needed to show that at no time, was I ever lapsed, or even late, and headed back to the place where professional competence seemingly goes to get curb-stomped to death by a pale of mentally corpulent turtles, as a matter of policy. When I find myself back at the Lair of Ineptitude, not only am I greeted by the same lovely individual I dealt with earlier, but this time around, there’s the joy of being harangued about my “rudeness” in relation to my jubilantly pointing out (with proof, remember) that they were the ones who couldn’t find their own asses without the aid of Google maps and a tour guide.

And when this was expounded upon, as is the way of my people, this cubicle cow wouldn’t even offer the weakest of apologies for their/her collective incompetence, because once again- f**k you, that’s why. Society, for whatever reason, be it valid or unsubstantiated, long ago credited women such as these with an utterly crass and unrefined slur, and yet, I am loath to utilize it within these pixelated points of discussion, but not for the reason you might think.

The direct explanation is that while the “C” word might be applicable on one level in regards to the descriptive of her personality and sense of professionalism, this woman lacks the depth, the warmth, and the desired practicality of use to meet the basic qualification of that which defines what one of those actually is.
As I stood there, waiting for an apology that never came, she attempts to blame my insurance company, claiming that they themselves, had called the state MVD, telling them that my insurance had lapsed, which was blasphemously false. But hey, when you’re an incompetent liar who’s been caught red-faced, just double down, and stick to your story, which you so transparently, fabricated out of hot air and bulls**t. .

Continue to do so, even if the person you f**ked over has empirical proof to the contrary. Because that always works.

Let me dissect what she in essence, failed to pass off as the Truth- my insurance company whom has never cancelled me at any point, called the DMV, told them I had no insurance, and in reaction, the DMV cancelled my car’s registration. An act of bureaucratic blundering, that for some as yet unknown reason, did not require the DMV to inform me of this at all. And yet despite this, my insurance company continuously sent me a monthly bill for a service they supposedly canceled, for a car that legally, did not exist.

Oh yes. Totally normal, if not entirely credible. Just make sure to completely ignore the previous statement from many in my small community about this very same issue being a shared problem regarding this agency. Obviously, all those pi**ed-off peasants should go pound sand. But there was more garbage to be spewed, courtesy of our Dominatrix of Density.

The second slice of power-trip pie that she served up, after faking offense at being called a liar to her vinegar-secreting face, involved a guy with a DUI conviction who was there attempting to acquire a legal ID card. Not a driver’s license. Nor was he endeavoring to get his auto registration reinstated, like I was. How did I know he had been prosecuted for a DUI, and that’s why his registration and license were revoked?

Well, it turns out that despite my initial assessment of Mistress Bitchypants as nothing more than an arrogantly incompetent cubicle cow, she also apparently has undertaken a sideline gig as my town’s unofficial PA system, dispensing people’s sensitive personal information to the wind as if her life depended on it. It didn’t, but maybe her fatuous Ego required it.

Who knows? However, thanks to her blatant indiscretion, I did now know a few things in regards to the person who up until a minute and a half prior, had blissfully, been an utter stranger, so there is that. For sake of clarification, I must admit his skull and neck tattoos, along with the obvious prison ink cascading down his arms, clued me in somewhat already that perhaps I was in the presence of possible rough trade, but that still doesn’t mean that the guy deserved to be treated as if he were less than human, by a pod-person who barely passes as one.

Trust me on this. When you see someone with dragons emblazoned on their shaved skull;

… ask some questions. You’ll be glad you did. Admit it- you’ve got a list of inquiries to make here, and you know it won’t be all shades of boring at the end., no matter what direction the tale may eventually turn out to take. At no point whatsoever, did this MVD mascot for morons, even think to ask or suggest, that either he come inside the fortified office to talk about his delicate and embarrassing situation, nor did she bother to lower her volume as she blathered his privileged information within my proximal presence.

Because you know, I was the one being ever so “rude”.

One down, two more to go. People, that is. As I mentioned earlier, my local DMV is only seeing people in the flesh on the basis of a pre-arranged appointment, which can only be set up via the Internet, as they can’t be bothered to pick up their phone. I’m not entirely sure what the elderly, the non-tech savvy, and those who don’t have web access are supposed to do, but I’m sure that the DMV has a resolution for that, given their stellar track record for efficiency thus far.

Taking that productivity into account, I’m also 100% certain that in no way, shape or form, that their measured and sedate resolution to these issues would ever dare be presented to the general public at large as this:
Nope. Can’t see them taking that approach at all. But then again, I still believe that one day, I’ll get to see a re-formed ABBA launch a world tour and a new album within my lifetime, so maybe I’m not exactly the best authority to ask about logical outcomes to solving what are essentially simple problems to begin with. Just saying.

Seriously, Universe? MAKE THIS HAPPEN:

Even if it’s for no other reason to satisfy my morbid curiosity regarding the latest advances in Kimono-based Rock-stage fashion. Which, when given the expansive range of technology and fabrics now available, is going to finally make this mid-70’s Dexedrine dream;
look as if they weren’t even trying to do anything but blend in with Elvis’s wallpaper.Getting back on track, I did note that appointments scheduled online are the only way to establish any form of face-to-face contact with a DMV drone, and as such, you’d think that since they themselves weren’t technically involved in that process, it’d be somewhat foolproof, if not aggravation free. At the very least, you might even optimistically assume that even they couldn’t f**k that up, am I right?

I’m not going to lie here… sometimes your positivity is absolutely adorable. Unfounded, ungrounded, unsubstantiated, and wholly speculative to be sire, but adorable, nonetheless.

it pains me to say this, but yes, despite the best efforts of Microsoft, Comcast, and the evil machinations of the downloaded soul of the late Stephen Hawking, they managed to gang-bang the metaphorical platypus on this one too. I have to hand it to these guys- it’s one thing to suck at your job in the world of the Real, but to be equally inept within the parameters of a world that exists only as electrical ether? Even I will have to begrudgingly admit, that’s some goddamn serious dedication to the craft of dumbf**ery.

What pray tell, am I referencing? As I waited the ten minutes it took to update my file, because apparently, the internet was running at *MVD speed that day, I witnessed no less than two people who were turned away, despite having scheduled appointments that day, and who concurrently, arrived with proof of such in hand. Not that the Clipboard Commandant gave a rat’s ass. *[This is similar to “Warp Speed” as described in the seminal 60’s TV show “Star Trek”, but involves standing around doing nothing, as one sits on their fat ass, endlessly repeating the following phrases: “I wish I could help.” “I understand.” And the classic “You’ll have to go online and…”]

In both cases, Mistress Mistake (without looking at her clipboard) churlishly announced that she had no record of either obligation, and therefore, they would have to go back online, and you guessed it… schedule yet another appointment. You know. Because the initial one worked out so well? Never mind the fact that they BOTH HAD PROOF of such, and in the case of one of these poor saps who was forced to take a half-day off work to honor his end of said responsibility, and because this Bitch of the West likes to remain on brand, no apology for the alleged snafu was to be had either.

I’ll give this secretarial slattern one thing. She is consistent, to say the very least.

See? I can give hard-earned credit when and where it’s due, even if that credit is for being the type of human being that most people want to see get eaten slowly by a shark. Or a prickle of flatulent porcupines. Either/or. I’m really not that picky when it comes to the metering out of overdue Justice anymore, so I’m pretty sure I’d be happy, no matter which way the metaphorical axe eventually falls::

But if I were forced to make a choice ala’ Hobson, I’d most likely lean in this direction, as the other path, while truly comically epic and visually fascinating, would take far too long to fit within my ever-increasing personal schedule. I do have a life to lead Bitchiteers, even if I would enjoy sitting ringside with a tall glass of cold milk and a platter of chilled Ding -Dongs.

Sometimes? Your career just has to come first. I do find however, that opinion to be somewhat off-base though, in relation to the walking “C” word currently inflicting herself upon the people of my fine town, leaving a snail-trail of aggravation and frustration in her wake, as she does so at this particular moment in time. In all honesty, she’s not wholly responsible for all the issues that are presently plaguing this poorly run bastion of bastardly incompetence, but she seems to be the one most alluded to when the topic arises, as it has most recently.

At best, she’s just the Face of the bureaucratic beast, because as the mythical God already knows, there’s no way in Hell, that she’s never going to be mistaken for the f**king Brains.

“An incompetent person in a responsible position may cause huge damage. Such a person should act less and think more.” – Eraldo Banovac






























































































In the Nick of Slime (Writes off The Round Table)

“Apart from values and ethics which I have tried to live by, the legacy I would like to leave behind is a very simple one – that I have always stood up for what I consider to be the right thing, and I have tried to be as fair and equitable as I could be.”- Ratan Tata

Hello Bitchiteers!

It is simply a lovely day out here in my hamlet of Silver City, New Mexico. The suns is shining, the clouds are puffy, and the sky can only be described as a *atemberaubend shade of azure blue. It’s almost as if the mythical god skinned a Smurf for inspiration in order to create the heavens. Not to mention that at the moment, the sound system at my office away from the office, also known as Little Toad Creek Brewery and Distillery, is cranking “She Sells Sanctuary” by the Cult. At a volume that can only be noted as: “Is that loud enough for you, Mptherf**ker?” “[Stunning” in German]

Why yes. Yes, it is. And it is awesome. I’m in one of my favorite happy places, surrounded by waitresses who all look like Wonder Woman with her hair combed out, sitting at my kingdom of the round as I write this, and I swear, if I die tomorrow, I want this six-top table to be buried with me, as I can’t think of anywhere else on this planet that I’ve ever been this productive, and I see no reason to change that, even if I do wind up roasting for all eternity just outside the gilded doors leading to Hades’ hallway.

Just keep the ice-cold Coca-Cola flowing like water, and it’ll be all good:

Partner that with this giant verboten pretzel I’m currently devouring, in place of a Diabetic-safe lunch, and you’ll see why I’m currently content as a as if I were a pack of piranha on vacation in the wading pool of a Florida retirement home.

Seriously. Just look at the size of this thing. Odin himself would trade his other eye in a heartbeat to get his oversized Nordic mitts on one of these, and even better? The cheese sauce it comes with, is green-chile-infused. Does Life get any better?
Granted, I’m sure it could, but last time I checked, Milla Jovovich is not returning any of my phone calls, and is still happily married to a man who’s overall health remains annoyingly excellent. However, the aforementioned pretzel does come with a side of jalapeno-infused cheese sauce, so that’s almost as good… almost.

But as a counterbalance, Milla does have far less carbohydrates, and to a diabetic like myself, dietary considerations are key to one’s ongoing personal happiness, so there is that. Plus, my GF of 12 years Ashley, would remind me that my odds of adding a sexy Ukrainian to my collection without her smothering me in my sleep because of my doing so, are just as good as my chances of being cast as a lead in a Star Wars movie, which is actually item number three on my bucket list. I just want to fly the Millennium Falcon once, kick a Jedi’s ass in a light-saber battle, and it’ll be all good.

And no, I’m not kidding.

Either make me a Sith in a galaxy far far away, or as a character in a PIXAR cartoon. I’m thinking a jar of sassy Sauerkraut that’s obsessed with being best friends with Buzz Lightyear, and the circle of my true personal happiness will finally be complete.

However, I’m not here to list my overpopulated list of singular obsessions, I’m here to inform, and maybe spread some unintentional entertainment as I do so. It’s literally my goal to hit the metaphorical mark every time I open up my trusty IBM ThinkPad, and with no false braggadocio to note, I think I come pretty close most of the time. Give or take the occasional structureless rant, that is. Everybody has the occasional “off” day, and even I, the Snark Supreme, am not immune to this.

Nevertheless, my sense of current mojo disassociation may have more to do with what I’ve been writing about, rather than just a quirk of personal circumstance. Keep in mind, other than a fun diversion writing about Seth Mc Farlane’s “The Orville”, which just so happens to be one of my favorite sci-fi TV shows as of late, I’ve been digitally scribbling screeds highlighting quite the range of allegedly mentally-deficient characters within my local and surrounding community, and they’re truly “special” people, let me tell you.

So far, I’ve called possibly unwelcome attention to a literal Ken doll who openly suffers from an exceedingly bad case of bigotry and an inability to research competently, a conspiracy theory believing wackadoo, who allegedly, sees members of Antifa every time she looks in her underwear drawer, and a sedition-supporting cowboy politician, who sees racism and ignorance as personal strengths, rather than an as of yet, undiagnosed mental illness.

And let’s not forget the latest failed MENSA candidates, one being a vulgar anti-Biden flag hoisting bragging brotard, who waxed poetic about being gifted a free case of beer for being an ill-informed jackass, from a fellow conservative cretin, much in the same way I’d crow about talking Angeline Jolie into modeling a whipped-cream and Ding-Dong bikini for me. I’ll be adding in some additional commentary regarding this flag-fellating fu**wit a little further on in today’s screed, but I need to address the second Beta-bitch on board first.

This end result from the tragic misuse of a gas-station condom, is a wannabe Alpha who posted a physical threat that while originally directed at me, was also one that I could hardly find intimidating. since its fundamental high points had been lifted wholesale from the classic novel, “The Most Dangerous Game”. Regardless, I still went ahead and contacted the appropriate agencies who are tasked to deal with such pathetic creatures of cowardice, not so much out of concern for myself, but because said mental midget decided he had to threaten the general public as well.

Honestly, if there’s ever a place in the allegorical sand where I draw the line, it’s when somebody thinks they have the right to do so, consequence-free. And because I’m all about the details, I made sure that his current employer was informed of his hobby as well, seeing how he like to issue such threats, while acknowledging them as his current employer on his FB page. This by the way, did not seem to bring them any sense of quantifiable joy, and the professionally terse email I received back in reply to mine, did nothing but underscore this opinion of mine.

Granted, I could be wrong, but as a rule, corporations, even the smallest ones, generally don’t appreciate it when someone repping their brand decides to openly threaten total strangers as they do so. Especially, when they’re smack dab in the middle of a territory and marketing expansion campaign, as this one currently is.

Now, when it comes to extending past the boundaries of their already exceedingly limited intellects, the particularly f**ked up belief that they’re beyond the reach of reproach, I have a message for those special few,, who. despite lacking actual testicles, still dry-hump their keyboards with a passion they’ve yet to apply to the act of becoming smarter, and it is this- if you think you can keep up this inane campaign of anonymous adversarial animosity uncontested;

This memorandum isn’t that much of a revelation to those among us whose brains actually function the way Odin meant them to, but for more than a challenged few slithering among us, they’ve perverted the concept of Free Speech into a bastardized rationalization that they can do or say anything that they want, as they petulantly demand that they somehow be granted exemption from the predictably immediate fallout they themselves provoked.

For those of you who unlike me, do not carry a well-worn copy of the Constitution on you, so that you may refer to what’s within it accurately, I present the 1st Amendment in its entirety: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” And please note; that nowhere in this brief, yet highly crucial passage that underpins the true heart of what America represents to the world, does it say anything about the boundaries of said free speech being limitless.

This is why you can call QAnon advocates “f**king morons”, but conversely, aren’t allowed to then go and openly suggest that you’re going to show up at their trailer, and feed their diminutive genitals to the raccoons that they keep around to guard their meth lab.

It’s also the same reason why you don’t get into debates regarding which city has the best pizza, that being either Chicago or New York, because in both cities, it could be accurately designated as hate speech, if not riot incitement, for not only is the answer fairly obvious, but those bastards in Chicago are also such philistines, that they unashamedly, sell their sub-standard ketchup-covered cardboard by the slice.

By.The. Motherf**king. Slice.

Dear mythical God, we’re living in the End Times. And I, seriously can’t believe that for all his grandiose predictions, Nostradamus never mentioned this as one of the portents.

But the message of the Amendment is as clear as the GQP’s failing to see the irony in regards to its own hypocrisy. You can say whatever you want, within reason of course, and in no way, shape, or form, can the government legally censor you, but that does not mean you get a metaphorical hall pass from them or society at large, when you step over the obvious borderlines. Rant about “The Jews”, get punched out of your shoes. Call the Mexican community “lazy slobs”, get fired, and watch one take your job. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, and all that.

From my perch of perspective, it seems that every single time I think one of these patriots of pestilence can’t possibly shove their heads up their own asses any further, they go and manage to grow another foot and a half of neck. Case in point? Let’s take a gander at this fine example of what happens when the Creator throws the genetic dice, and discovers to his dismay, that not only did he fail to roll a seven, he also wasted a perfectly good batch of skin and useful organs on a defective unit that somehow still, managed to get shipped out the factory doors, sans its brain:

This obviously not-in-need-of-medication-at-all individual, one Yvonne St Cyr of the intellectual powerhouse that is Boise, Idaho, is now facing manifold federal charges for her alleged participation in the January 6th domestic terrorist attack that occurred at the U.S. Capitol. Within the official affidavit describing the levied charges, it is noted that prior to her attempt at sedition, St Cyr had been quite the busy beaver, posting a series of (GASP!) wholly unsubstantiated QAnon conspiracy theories.

However, she decided to outdo herself, and in a selfless act one can only assume was  charitably enacted  to make it easier for her abominable actions to be successfully prosecuted later on down the road, decided to videotape herself inside the Capitol building, on the day of the attack.

Adding further evidential cordwood to the eventual prosecutorial fire, she in conjunction with her equally intellectually impenetrable husband, then inexplicably uploaded a personal video to Facebook the day after, in which she waxed poetic about how she “made CNN” when she was caught leaning out a window, allegedly yelling to all in reach of her voice; “This is our house!” 

Not content setting the bar of personal inanity at that particular level, she went on to elucidate that: “God put me in that window, so I’m assuming God put me on CNN screaming like a mad woman,” So hey, maybe I’m going to get arrested again, but I would get arrested and I would die for this country. So no regrets.”

While that pile of lunacy is bad enough on its own, keep in mind that until her hopeful conviction and long-term incarceration is set in stone, this dimwitted disciple of delusional dipsh**tery can still legally drive a car, handle sharp stabby things, buy a gun, and most terrifyingly of all, VOTE. And that right to do so, covers both state and federal elections, as well as American Idol. In regards to which one of those outcomes may be worse in the long run for America, I think that at best, it may work out to be a draw.

Sure, the awful ramifications of what may happen if any of these Q-nuts get their chosen candidates into any level of government is terrifying, but let’s also be as equally honest with ourselves as to what the resulting fallout might be of giving a wannabe Keith Beukelaer, unfettered access to a national spotlight, and an audience of idiots.
Do you want the Apocalypse to happen?
Because that’s how you get the Apocalypse to happen.

What doesn’t trigger my insomnia however, is the fact that eventually most of the mental midgets we’re currently infested with, will either find a new obsession in time, or gravely injure themselves, when they try to make a grilled cheese sandwich while holding said sandwich in their mouths. Either/or. I’m truly good no matter which way the Winds of Fate blow. Now, this is not to say that we as a nation and citizenry, can afford to turn a blind eye to these pustular pinheads, as it’s fairly obvious they’re just waiting for the right opportunity to regroup and finish what they started four years ago- the complete and utter destabilization of America as it currently exists.

It’s pretty much a certainty that when you find yourself crossing paths with these Fallopian tube rejects, you’re pretty much going to walk away from the conversation knowing two things; the first being that you’re going to fight from now on to do whatever you can to increase funding public education, and the second, that you most likely should get checked out ASAP, to see if you’re developing an aneurysm, because your brain can only do so much to protect itself from the exposure to such abject ignorance.

Sadly, over the years, there has been an unchecked increase in the number of persons possessing lesser intellectual capacity taking inordinate pride in being cursed with such, and this, is a quirk of personality that I will truly never understand. I can appreciate having a sense of self-deprecating humor in regards to one’s lack of personal knowledge, but the willful displaying of conceit in relation to the same, has always stunned me into silence.

The noted sci-fi author Issac Asimov had the perfect summation in respect to this cultural phenomenon, and even though I’ve dropped it into the occasional screed of mine over the years, I feel it bears repeating yet again: There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that ‘my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.”

Truer words have never been spoken, save for the time I once told my adulterous ex-fiancé that the only reason she wanted to “pray for me” was because it gave her yet another chance to get down on her knees, but I digress in the name of chivalry and civility. But this wryly accurate observation does serve as a lead-in introduction for the main subject of today’s pixelated scribbles, that being the flag-hoisting Beta-bitch I referenced at the beginn9ng of these musings.  

If you’ve read my precious screed, you’ll remember that I devoted some limited acreage to this example of the slowest sperm winning the lottery, although the main focus of my tale was centered on dealing with a death threat that I had received from another craven, cut from the same ilk-cloth, and at the time, he served no other purpose than as a background element in a far more expansive story.

In lieu of a better analogy, if my life was being rebooted as a Star Wars movie, he would’ve been credited as “Impotent Jawa Hidden behind Obi-Wan”, in that one scene where Luke is selling his landspeeder to an alien of possibly dubious character.
In essence, another warm body filling a space- no more, no less. But as it is with most things, the goalposts can still be picked up and moved forward, or in this case, backwards a good ten yards. To be fair, I wasn’t expecting the focus of my current sardonic mocking, one Nick Lemme, to be overly intelligent, given his pathetic penchant for hypocritical whining and immature posturing, but I also didn’t assume that when it got right down to the brass tacks, that engaging in a debate regarding his political stance would be akin to doing so with a bag of gently-used urinal cakes, either.

Live and learn, I guess.

To recap previous events, Lemme decided to publicly display a flag in the front yard of his home, that indecorously expressed his disdain for our current president, Joe Biden, and then in an act of sheer hubris, made the concurrent choice to grant an in-depth interview with our local newspaper about it, as well. Now this, in and of itself, would normally not be that big of a deal, but as is typical of those in the Cult of 45, Lemme determined that he couldn’t simply express his discontentment in a manner that would lend itself to fostering a respectful dialogue, because why should anyone do that, when they could have the opportunity to be just be as classless as the Fanta Fascist that they get the hot sweats over?

And in case you forgot what sheer inanity can present itself as, here you go:
Oh, and in case I’ve forgotten to mention it, this fine display of what it looks like when a middle-aged moron has a mental meltdown, is right across the street from a school, as well. Because if there’s one lesson that you want to instill in the developing youth of this country, is that it’s perfectly acceptable to be a vulgar cretin well past the point when your genitalia have supposedly dropped. To add even more hypocrisy to an already fuel soaked pyre of it, Lemme has also opined that he now feels like he has a “target on his head” due to his actions, even though he’s the one who super glued it there in the first place.

This slice of duplicity aside, I’d have to personally note that for a guy who’s so ostensibly worried for his personal safety, Lemme seems to be willingly pushing the red button of public confrontation as hard and as fast as his undeveloped brain will let him.

 Make no mistake- Lemme is openly spoiling for a fight, and mythical God willing, one will eventually be delivered to him, if for no other reason than for him to finally grasp the pertinent life lesson of “Be careful what you wish for”, because sometimes those wishes come with a full set of teeth, both metaphorical and literal. To clarify, I’m not suggesting that Lemme should suffer anything more than the considerable mocking contempt that he’s truly earned, but I’d also ascertain that if his front yard became a sculptural exercise in the creative application of toilet paper, I wouldn’t lose too much sleep over it, either.

Let me stress this point again, if I may. At no point in time, should Lemme be subject to anything dire. save for the shunning scorn that he so richly desires and to a point, has earned. Now having said that, I have serious reservations as to the manner of how Lemme would respond if the metaphorical tables were reversed, given how he presents himself online.

What do I mean by this?

Well, it’s been my personal experience that if you’re traipsing through somebody’s social media profile, and see a background photo like this;
It’s pretty much a certainty that while the person you are now unfortunately dealing with can quote the 2nd Amendment from memory verbatim, minus the “well regulated” clause of course, they also conversely, have never bothered to read the rest of this sacred text, tending as they do to view knowledge with the same sense of suspicion that I’d grant to gas station sushi. Throw in the not-to-be-unexpected conspiracy theories, the standard proliferation of willful ignorance, and devotion to fetishistic gun porn, and you have quite possibly the most accurate microcosm of what passes as ”independent thought” within the modern-day Conservative movement.

Not too shockingly, Lemme’s social media presence hits most of these stereotypical low points, but the one thing that stands out above anything else, is that Lemme is a truly certified American BADASS. If Jason Statham and Chuck Norris ever managed to have an illicit love affair, and produce a spawn dipped in double-plated mother**ker, Lemme would definitely fit the bill, let me tell you. How do I know this for sure? Well, my newest scratching post was considerate enough to selflessly post this photo, lo inform us all that he is indeed;

Maybe it’s the brotard sunglasses, Maybe it’s the determined attitude. Maybe it’s the composition of the self-taken photo, cleverly using the car’s window as both a crucial framing point and lighting element. Given the fact that it’s presented in black & white, maybe it’s a modern take on the film noir genre, but this snapshot most definitely doesn’t scream “I wanna be an Alpha so bad it hurts!”

And what truly sells this image in my opinion, is the late 80’s style lettering associated with every WrestleMania event I’ve ever seen televised. I am totally convinced on the basis of this photo alone, that Lemme is truly “savage”, because if there’s one trait that authentic badasses are known for, it’s the need to consistently advertise just how bad they are, am I right?

Personally, I’ve always felt that if you feel the need to post indulgent selfies as a means to convey who you really are, they should, at the very least, be visually interesting to begin with, as this humble example below establishes:

Photo credit: (C) Martiin Hazine/Glossyworks

This boys and girls, is how you take your selfie game to the next level, because if we’re going to be honest with ourselves here, the fist thing we’d have to admit is just how much we all like pictures of verdant forests. Especially when there’s such a ruggedly good-looking man in the foreground. However, there is yet another area where Lemme fails to bring his “A” game, and that is within the parameters of what passes for civilized debate in this, the era of idiocy made flesh.

Like most Trump devotees, Lemme employs the standard go-to for those of lesser intelligence and character who, when they cannot back up their point of view with actual facts, resort to issuing asinine slurs and impotent threats. Take for instance, this intellectual discourse between Lemme and I, where he informs me that he’s also “fighting” for my freedom of speech, which strikes me as odd, since nobody of note is actually trying to take mine away at the moment.
But then again, I could be wrong, as I haven’t checked the Internet today to see what I’m supposed to be worried about.

What little Nicky here fails to understand, is that I neither require his uninformed ass to protect my 1st Amendment rights, nor did i ask him to do so in the first place. And considering he has a symbol of the Confederacy (by his own admission) flying above his flag of fallaciousness, I can’t really put him in the same pantheon as *Nathanael Greene anytime soon.
*[Greene was a Continental Army general who served with distinction during America’s Revolutionary War. He was lauded far and wide as George Washington’s most dependable officer.]

And as an aside, I know its tempting to spell the words “you” and “are” as if you were Prince, but as a muddle-aged White guy, you really aren’t going to get cut the same slack he would get. Just saying. And Nick? Nobody is “coming” for your suburban property, and they’re definitely not coming for your family, either. That is, unless they’re trying to save them from having to listen to your asinine absurdity over dinner.

But not to worry, when Nick later reengaged with me, he proceeded to present what one would consider a well-thought-out structured debate, not only defending his political ideology, but also going one step further, and backing it up with empirical data in such a manner that even I, an uncompromising cynic, was impressed at how well he illuminated the underpinnings of his point of view:

C’mon now… admit it. You didn’t seriously think or worse, believe, that a Trumpite would actually bring a valid argument to the proverbial table that could be defended successfully using the tenets of reality, did you? Keep in mind, these jingoistic jackasses are still proudly hoisting the banners of a soundly and fairly,defeated candidate, and claiming that any day now, that very same mound of disgraced human flotsam will be reasserting his role as President without question, regardless of what common sense, established law, reality, and Yoda says: 
To nobody’s great surprise, save those who’ve never had to deal with one of these walking mental illnesses disguised within a human skin suit. No, when Nicky jumped back in to the fray on a thread where I pointed out that all Trump wanted from Nick was his money, he responded with this devastatingly stunning retort, drawn from the spirit of Robespierre himself:
I’d like to point out two things that don’t make sense here, if I may. First. For a guy who crows about how “savage” he is, Nicky is seemingly easily offended, as if he were the possessor of skin thinner than that of an onion, and the second? It was noted in his now infamously tone-deaf newspaper interview, that:

“Lemme said that he does feel like the flag has placed a metaphorical target on his back, however, which is why he flies the flag underneath a darkened American flag. He said the blacked-out American flag was used by some Confederate military units during the Civil War as a symbol to not give nor accept quarter — a juxtaposition to the white in the real American flag.

 “A lot of military people wear it,” Lemme said. It’s just basically stating no mercy if they want to do something and target me – that’s basically a warning.”

Oh no, a “warning”. That’s so… SAVAGE. Especially coming from a person whose thought process came to the brulliant conclusion that utilizing a symbol of a treasonous entity that tried to usurp the legitimacy of the United States, was the perfect vehicle for launching an in-depth discussion regarding constitutionally protected freedoms. And as to his claim that he feels a target has been placed on his head, there’s no better way to cool the overall situation down like openly posting an overly-aggressive retort like the one above to a total stranger, especially when you have no idea who that person is to begin with, or how they’re going to react to your challenge 0f “come at me, bro”, am I right?

Methinks that thou ignoble fathead doth protest too much, for if Nick was truly worried about his or his family’s safety, he’d have closed off public access to his social media accounts, gone to ground as it were, and in hindsight, not have called the unwanted (if warranted) attention to himself, by giving the ill-advised media interview that he did in the first place.

And as an aside, I sure as heck wouldn’t have, given the volatile nature of the political landscape these days, made the decision to add fuel to the ever-growing fire, by continuing to engage in heated debates with said strangers, nor would I have sent photos of myself like this to those same unfamiliar persons, as a rule of dumb:

Granted, that’s mostly due to the possibility that on a whim, they could turn out to be theoretically violent, but also because it would validate without question, just how juvenile I am as well, given my advanced age. Not to mention, it would clearly show my face, and that’s an action that if I were truly concerned for my ongoing sense pf personal security as Nick claims he is, I would avoid doing at all costs.

So in essence, what we’re all observing here is a theoretical exercise in quantum mechanics, first exemplified by the paradox of placing a hypothetical cat inside a box, and who may be considered simultaneously both alive and dead, due to the inclusion of a poisonous variable that may or may not affect the outcome. The twist here however, is that we have an ignorantly hostile firebrand who is conversely, both hoping for a confrontation, and running away from one that he himself, started.  

Schrodinger’s Jackass, as it were.

And as is the way of most spineless schmucks who pick a fight, who then get called out for their fraudulent claims that they’re the ones who were being unfairly persecuted for their ideology, that void of personal courage possessed by those who as we’ve seen thus far, lack metaphorical penii, gets filled in the only way they know how- by throwing the subject of guns into the mix. And when it comes to this topic, Nick is all in, cap guns-a-blazing, his ordinance ordered, and just itching for the opportunity to both empty a clip, as while doing so, he liberally applies gun lube to areas best left to the imagination.

On what evidential theorem do I base this rather harsh assessment, you ask? Well, the answer is hilariously ironic, as the metaphorical ammo to be presented was provided by no less than the man himself. Think of Nick as The Giving Tree from the seminal story by Shel Silverstein, but instead of providing sustenance and security, Nick provides the best example of what happens when a community decides not to funnel their tax money into underwriting public education.

Let’s start with this meme, the type of which I’ve always liked to refer to as :fightbait”, as its only purpose is to start a contentious back and forth targeting a specific demographic  within one’s group of obviously long-suffering friends:
What is glaringly obvious right off the bat, other than that this meme serves succinctly as the perfect visual metaphor as to what Nick allegedly lacks between his thighs, is that it also obliges no other purpose than to establish an unfounded claim to victim-hood for Nick, if he dares receive the merest of push-back for posting it- hence, the reason why it was offered up for public dissection in the first place.

Nick, for all intents and purposes, is in no discernible way, truly interested in fomenting a mature conversation regarding the pros and cons of this subject so near and dear to his heart and his hip, he just wants to puff out his chest, get a few zingers launched, and then retreat to his safe space to stare at his collection of manhood substitutes.

But the gun-love doesn’t end there, no siree Billy-Bob. There are jokes to be had about attacking your fellow citizens with force during times of duress:
And the notation of the emotional lows of not being able to buy enough ammo to offset your fears that Antifa is hiding either under your bed, or in your underwear drawer:
As to be expected, there’s the worn-out cliché that “gun laws don’t work”, no matter what law enforcement, compiled statistics, and reality say:
Yes… laws targeting specific social issues and crimes do not work. That’s why we can all drive at high speed and backwards on the sidewalk, and shop in the nude at Walmart. And don’t even get me started on the joys of robbing a bank, and walking away (naked, of course) without fear of consequence. However, when it comes to the discussion of regulating guns, the penii-lacking cravens who collect them as if they were limited-edition FUNKO sets, equate such legislative action as being akin to a vasectomy being performed upon them with the jaws of a rabid squirrel.

Jaws, by the way, that have the very-much-alive squirrel, still attached,

Nick, like so many others within the chromosomally-challenged gun-rights movement, chooses to ignore the sobering statistic that over 38K people a year die due to the involvement of guns, but to be fair, it is kind of hard to achieve an accurate count when the fingers you’d use to tabulate such data, are all busy “polishing” your rifle. And nothing gets a gun owner’s tubes of lube flowing like the hope that one day, they’ll have the chance to pay respectful homage to the Russian nightclub scene from the first John Wick movie.

Decidedly, they’ll be dealing with a low-level meth-head trying to boost their late-model Ford Fiesta’s car stereo at 2 in the morning, versus smashing an international drug trafficking ring, but hey… ya’ gotta start somewhere, am I right? Baby steps, and all that.

For those of you out there who may now be thinking that I’m anti-gun, let me assure you that I am truly not. I wholeheartedly support the 2nd Amendment, and a properly trained (and vetted) citizen’s right to carry, and I say this as a former gun owner. However, while I may not be anti-gun, I most certainly am anti-idiot, so when I see a so-called “responsible gun-owner” post idiocy like this: The first thought that I have is that not only do we need stricter gun laws, but that along with mandatory liability insurance, compulsory safety training, and an annual range and familiarity qualification, that perhaps, the crucial pre-certification process should include a non-negotiable psychological assessment as well. That last facet alone, I feel, would lead to a cumulative reduction in the number of gun-related injuries at the very least, and in theory, the overall violent crime rate as well.

Sure, the downside is that guntards like Nick would have to find some other means by which to maintain the illusion of their overblown and faux manhood, but I’m not too worried. After all, they’re good at spinning false narratives to begin with, so what’s one more on an already burgeoning pile? His sense of gun fetishism aside, there’s so much more to Nick then just asinine opinions regarding politics and guns, he’s also got some paranoid ones concerning the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic as well, because of course, he does.Sigh… all I can say to this newest slice of dumbf**kery ala’ Nick, is this:
Other than the fact that Nick seems to have comprised the entire plot of this posting from the purposefully deleted scenes from the 2007 movie “I am Legend”, he’s also engaging in the most disingenuous of cherry-picking, to validate an ambiguous narrative that glosses over as to why the current situation in America is the way that it is. First off, we had a leader so-called, who, despite the best efforts of lauded scientists and virologists, deliberately downplayed, if not outright ignored, the severity of the infection rates, to the detriment of this country, its citizens, and its international reputation as a world power capable of boundless achievement.

Falsely claiming that the rapidly developing scourge of COVID-19 was “under control”, and that ‘the numbers will go down to zero”, the traitorous mango man-child willingly let over 400K of the citizens he was tasked to protect die, rather than lose political face and risk his hoped-for administrative legacy. As we’ve come to see, tha6 approach worked out like gangbusters in the end. Sarcasm, definitely intended.

Throw in a far-too-large segment of the US populace who, due to their lack of knowledge and distrust regarding science, along with their hubris concerning being asked to worry about their fellow humans for a very short period, and it’s not that hard to see exactly why this plague is hanging on to us tighter than a Proud Boy does a Tiki-Torch. However, in reference to the declaration that ”They” now control you and everything about your life”, I’d note somewhat sardonically, that has been the case for a majority of us, especially for those born during the advent of today’s social media.

The shadowy cabal he refers to as “They” already know where we shop, what we buy, who we talk to, what our hobbies are, and how often we engage in them. And if you doubt that we’ve all been under an intrusively watchful eye for the last five decades or so, and possibly even longer, I misplaced my sunglasses the other day, and as I wondered out loud where they might be, my phone rang, and the voice on the other end kindly told me to look on my bedside table/, where I had placed them the night before. Now, if only “they” could only tell me where in the heck I misplaced my sense of youthful optimism, I’d be right as rain.

But I’d be amiss in my analysis of Nick if I depicted him as an overblown caricature of what modern-day conservatism currently represents, and not as an actual person, if I didn’t address some of his inherent finer qualities. After all, my being Fair and Balanced, as FOX “News” loved to say back in the day, is key to sustaining a progressive dialogue, as we all well know.

But I’d be amiss in my analysis of Nick if I depicted him as an overblown caricature of what modern-day conservatism currently represents, and not as an actual person, if I didn’t address some of his inherent finer qualities. After all, my being Fair and Balanced, as FOX “News” loved to say back in the day, is key to sustaining a progressive dialogue, as we all well know. By way of example, Nick is an ardent romantic, which I have to admit, took me somewhat by surprise. Sure, it’s overly clear that he has a great passion for ordinance and the hope of using it on a day he’ll later recall fondly as he’s taken into police custody as being nothing short of glorious, but I digress.

That’s an obvious joke of course, as I foster no sincere convictions that Nick would ever fire off anything in public except his mouth, and even then, only in the company of people who already agreed with his particularly paranoid takes on life in general. However, we all know given his other publicly posted sophomoric assertions, it’s a small-caliber weapon at best, and about as effective as a NERF gun would be versus a charging elephant, or a truly hungry supermodel.

You seriously have no idea how dangerous it can be, getting between Cindy Crawford and a tray of freshly made pizza rolls. Trust me on this. It may save your life someday.
(This photo taken at the exact moment the microwave timer went off.)

Getting back on track, I’d like to showcase the amorous subtlety of a man who, if I were more of a cynic, I would assume sees the majority of his first dates end with either a restraining order, or a blast of well-deserved pepper spray to his face, given the vulgarity of his romantic proposals:

Yep… this is the sort of passionate invocation that could make Casanova himself rise out of his crypt, look around, read the following, and with a voice and intellectual presence sadly removed from this world since the Year of Our Lord 1798, look Nick squarely in his beady little eyes, and query ever so politely:

“Seriously… what in the f**king hell is wrong with you, Dude?”

To be brutally honest, despite my bachelor days apartment being once labeled with the not-too-far-off-the-mark designation as “Wayne’s Home for Wayward Strippers”, I still never managed to rack up the personal stats that Gene Simmons pf KISS allegedly has, But even I, on my most awkward of high-school days in the late 1980’s, could have delivered a far better attempt at setting up a successful sexual liaison than this vile vulgarian, and keep in mind ,that I once used to look like this:

I just have to ask, what type of woman would swoon at dialogue lifted straight out of a letter to Penthouse? You know, the kind that always starts off with “You’ll never believe this, but it happened to me one night, working the graveyard shift at my small-town 7-11”?

Now, due to the obviously unmfortable issues of financial liability that could arise from a poor choice of words, I won’t even dare suggest that the only way this guy could ever pick up an intelligent woman would be with the use of carefully applied chloroform and a windowless van, but I’ll digress, because who needs those kinds of legal hassles, am I right?

Sure, all the evidence that Nick has self-provided, and that I’ve presented thus far, might paint my newest BFF as an arrogantly ill-informed vulgar gun-stroking-fetishist who’s wooing skills are on par with his willing lack of political intellect, but fortunately, there’s nothing else left in his metaphorical toy-box for me to make snarky observations about.

Which I’m sure at this point, would make Nick breathe a small sigh of relief.
Nothing of course, except for two small, almost insignificant, hardly worth discussing at all, possible blemishes splotching his, as we’ve seen, truly impeccable character. I don’t know what it is about being a conservative White middle-aged male these days, but it seemingly demands that you embrace more than a few quirks that as a rule, are at best, exceedingly detrimental to successfully passing as a fully functioning human being.

These include, but are not limited to, jingoism, xenophobia, misogyny, gun-worship, perverted faith, dedication to being woefully uniformed, a sense of shirking one’s personal responsibility so strong that mythical God himself couldn’t scratch its paint-job, and of course, thinly-veiled racism inadequately disguised as either a belief in law and order, or as topical humor. To be fair, I have no idea or can even surmise if Nick holds any of these vile principles close to his heart, past the gun-love and willfully flawed partisan principles, but it’s also equally fair to state that where there’s smoke, there’s usually an ignorant firebrand hoping to turn it into a conflagration.

So, without further ado, let’s view the end result of racist smoke made into a racist joke:
Other than the fact that this idiocy shows this meme’s true colors by depraving the perfectly normal Mexican accent into a repugnant slur against an entire race, It also depicts Donald Trump as even more absurd, in regards to his racist narrative against Mexicans and their culture, than he normally (if inadvertently) portrays himself, and that’s truly saying something, given all the offenses that he’s proudly compiled, as if he were trying to win a special Proud Boys merit badge for such:

For the sake of accuracy if not culinary History, I’d note that Taco Salad, cannot be classified as a wholly Mexican dish, nor is it a separate American creation, either, It’s origins date back to the blending of cultural influences of Texas-born Mexicans, also known as Tejanos, who merged their cuisine with that of the westward-bound pioneers, who came to settle in Texas. And thus, the culinary juggernaut that found itself named after the Texas-Mexican Railway, known far and wide as “Tex-Mex” was born.

Or perhaps the true reason behind this excruciatingly cringe-worthy photo-op is as simple as his trying to persuade his gullible flock of check-writing, MAGA merchandise purchasing, incessantly bleating sheep to overlook the hypocrisy inherent in lauding a culture’s contribution to American gastronomy and its values, while demonizing its people as the sole reason as to why America is suffering all kinds of social ills, which to be brutally accurate, despite the fact that the horrors inflicted upon it, are often done so by its ruling class of one-percent predators, both literal and metaphorical, that Trump has always been an integral part of.
You know… now that I look at it from a different angle, I’m gonna have to amend my original assertion about Nick not holding somewhat racist views, and for the record, I’ll also say that while he’s obviously nowhere near the territory of holding a tiki-torch, I’d have to concurrently opine that he’s possibly more like a bigoted version of Diet Coke- it may have only a few calories, but it still possesses the same vile taste. And Nicky? When morons like your treasonous mango man-child build higher walls, there will always be people who come along with a taller ladder, or in the case of the never-to-be-built fantasy wall that you pleasure yourself to the thought of, a $10 hacksaw from Home Depot.

Next and thankfully, last up, we have a post that much like Axl Rose and his faux Guns N’ Roses mid-life crisis masquerading as a reboot, has not aged well:
What our politically impotent prophet Nickodumbass, is referring to here, is the series of nationwide protests that took place during Trump’s train-wreck of an administration, pushing back against a gamut of social offenses that ranged from unchecked acts of police brutality, to numerous and consistent attempts by the GQP to thwart our Constitutionally protected right to vote.

However, as is to be expected where the Republican ilk is concerned, this reality is deliberately jettisoned in favor of the false narratives regarding the random acts of violence that occurred at the demonstrations, and were, as proven to be in most cases, wholly independent of the protests themselves, the fault being laid at the feet of outside agitators unconnected to the cause itself, White Supremacists, and sometimes, the cops themselves, who were ostensibly there to keep order.

Several non-partisan studies, along with statistics provided by several law enforcement agencies, when tallied, have indicated that 93% of the protests, which occurred in all 50 states, were actually peaceful,. Yet another inconvenient factoid that Right-wing jacktards like Nick tend to ignore in favor of promoting their paranoid account in which our most prominent American cities would have been burnt down to the ground, if not for the intervention of the asinine arsonist who sparked the flames to begin with.  

Nick’s meme, presented as “proof’ that modern-day conservatives are truly the ones who are the paragon of maturity that should be emulated, is not only flat-out dead wrong in regards to the information that’s out there for public digestion, but is one of the better examples of how Trumpanzees such as Nick, successfully merge the duality of cognitive dissonance and sheer delusion.

While it is true that there were a scattered handful of anti-impeachment protests across the country, they never reached the fever-level of what was expected by law enforcement, and demanded by Trump himself, and for that we should be glad. But to state, and with a straight face no less, that Liberals or the Left-wing are “entitled spoiled brats” when your side protests everything from factual news reporting to the valid demand to hold those in power who abuse their authority accountable, that is when you’re not protesting the design on a Christmas coffee cup, is quite the hypocritical stretch, at best.

The reality of things as they stood, was that going into the impeachment hearing, both sides knew full well that the Republicans had no intention of ever seriously holding Trump to account for his numerous crimes to begin with, and that knowledge alone, was the underlying reason why widespread demonstrations were kept to a minimum, and not due to any overblown and faux sense of political maturity held in tandem by one side or the other.  

Nevertheless, the one specific area of scrutiny where Nick’s disingenuous valuation truly falls apart, much like a Kardashian under a heat lamp, is when you take even the most superficial of dives into the collective data concerning the Right-wing’s accumulated history of violence. The list I’m about to offer up for consideration may be far from complete, but even given its limited range, it is at the very least, indicative of the lengths to which conservatives will go, in the attempt to politically (if not literally) silence their opposition, both real and imagined.

To note; there was the Portland commuter train attack (2 dead), the Charlottesville car attack. (1d) the murder (1d) of a University of Pennsylvania sophomore named Blaze Bernstein in California, sixteen mail-bombs sent to various Democratic Party officials, as well as several harsh critics of then U.S. President, Donald Trump, mass shootings at two synagogues, one in Pittsburgh (11d), and one in California (1d), along with another mass event that took place at a Walmart in El Paso, Texas. (23d)  And I would be remiss in my duty of staying on top of things, if I didn’t include the latest slaughter of the innocent (8d) in three connected events in Colorado.

But regal us some more Nick, with your bullshit stories about the violence committed by those who tend to lean Left. I for one, can’t wait for yet another thrilling, if wholly inaccurate, installment. Naturally, I can’t leave such a steaming pile of crap sitting on the virtual doorstep of current reality, so let me respond, in the only way I know how. With facts. Now, to save myself some time, if not severe wrist cramp, I’m going to roughly paraphrase some data I included in a previous screed, and it is this:

And despite the incessantly mindless bleating of conservatives, Antifa has never been connected to a murder, let alone several, as has been falsely claimed. Even when the overall range was expanded to include incidents that occurred independent of the anti-fascist movement, Left-wing violence was only responsible for 21 deaths since 2010, versus the 117 committed by Right-wing extremists within the same period of time.

Adding further insult to the sanctity of alternate facts that conservatives tout as Gospel, the final tally of violence attributed to the Right-wing scorecard, is over 320 murders committed between 1994-2020, so please, my loyal boot-licking disciples of Cult 45, enlighten me as to how you did the math on this one.

I’m sure your PowerPoint presentation regarding such, will be utterly riveting.

Highlighting the very palpable danger that conservatives willingly provide safe harbor to, Seth Jones, a counter-terrorism expert and who was partially responsible for compiling the data collected, stated in an interview with London’s’ The Guardian newspaper, that: “Left-wing violence has not been a major terrorism threat. The most significant domestic terrorism threat comes from white supremacists, anti-government militias and a handful of individuals associated with the ‘boogaloo’ movement that are attempting to create a civil war within the United States.”

Well. This is awkward, isn’t it, Nick?

It seems that when it gets right down to the brass tacks, the ones who we as a society truly have to worry about, aren’t the people who protest for social change and civil rights, while wearing vagina hats, but are instead, the moronic mass that wrap themselves in the American flag, waves the Bible, and feel the need to strap on a fake dick before they can leave the house to go get coffee. Who could have guessed? You know, other than anybody with a working intellect who’s ever observed one of those Nuremberg cosplays that you gullible conservative sheep call a political rally, that is?

It boggles the mind, for no matter how you look at it, it appears that if you feed an under educated demographic a steady diet of paranoia, xenophobia, misogyny, racism, and wackadoo conspiracy theories, you’ll eventually wind up with an over-reactive base of cultists who on no more than a whim or a rumor, will gather up their freshly sharpened pitchforks and tiki-torches, and proceed to storm the local  castle, all while screaming about whatever fable Right-wing media told them to be morally upset about that day.

Speaking of which…

As your meme clearly states, “There were no protests, no riots, no looting, no shootings, no attacks on law enforcement, no building burnt.” And for the most part, this statement is true. Somewhat. There were several violent incidents at Trump rallies where counter-protestors were attacked without provocation, most of which werer gleefully cheered on by your now deposed Fanta Fascist. So your claim that your side is inherently more peaceful given this fact and the evidence above, is totally false, no matter how many memes you choose to post.

And then, there was the abominably deplorable events of January Sixth, 2021. Maybe you heard about it, Nick. Maybe you didn’t. But if I remember correctly, it was in the news for quite some time afterwards, so I’ll err on the side of caution, and fill you in on what you may have missed, because at my gore, I’m totally a people person. And because I am, I’ll balance what occurred against the so-called talking points of your meme Nick, by describing the proceedings of the day in the very same manner in which the Conservative hierarchy are attempting to do so now.

Hopefully, this approach will be A-OK with you Nick, because mythical God knows, I’d hate to put any metaphorical dents in your unwavering support of a pumpkin-tinted fascist.

Nick: “There were no protests, no riots…”

Well, that puts me in my place, as I guess this photo is of a free-spirited kegger that just got completely out of hand on the steps of the Capitol Building, right kids? I’m kidding of course, as this image, (a class photo of sorts) was obviously taken to serve as a future cherished reminder of the event, and to make it that much easier for the FBI to invite all these fine seditionists to a free of cost, but not free of charges, spa day possibly lasting several years, at one of our nation’s multiple finer secured government-run resorts.

Nick: “no looting…”
I can only assume that this real American patriot is just borrowing this podium stand for a parishioner conference at his church potluck, and will put it right back where he found it when he’s done. Remember kids, it’s not ‘looting” when you’re a White Conservative, so much as it’s “standing up for your constitutional rights”. That’s why he felt the need to liberate this item from its rightful place… because he couldn’t stand to see it being so oppressed by those soulless  commie Demonrats.

Literally, American selflessness personified..

Nick: “no shootings…”
This is actually true, as the only shooting that occurred, was by Capitol police, the unknowing stooges of Socialist bastards who, since day one of his God-mandated win, had been plotting against President Trump. Cold-bloodedly opening fire on a peaceful group of American Patriots, who were doing nothing more threatening than attempting to subvert American democracy, at best. The nerve of those badged bastards.

The bullet, fired by cowards claiming supreme authority, struck and subsequently killed, one Ashli E. Babbitt, a former Air Force veteran who, based on what those fact-checking Libtards dare to call a damnable lie, had been tricked into betraying her country. Play stupid seditionist games, win a stupid indiscriminate bullet in your stupid seditionist neck, and all that, I guess.

So congratulations Nick, you got one in the goal. Man, is there egg on my face or what?

Nick: “no attacks on law enforcement…”

Once again, Nick is essentially correct, as there were no attacks on law enforcement to speak of, no siree Bob. In fact, there were a handful of photos taken of the interaction between the Capitol Police and these true Patriots, and if anything, they definitively show the entirely serene, if not openly playful, nature of those who showed up en masse to take a quiet, peaceful, respectful, and leisurely tour of the hallowed halls of the Capitol.

As you can clearly see, the day started off with a high-spirited and competitive game of “Capture the Flag, if not a Legislator, so we can hang them”, and the numerous American flags so proudly displayed next to the one of a wrongly perceived corrupt and cowardly traitor, really hammer home the point that yes… this really did take place in our formerly glorious Republic:

This game of conservative grab-ass then evolved into a free-for-all version of “Red Rover”, with its revised chant of “Red Rover, Red Rover, send your insurrectionist incels over!”, and it’s fairly obvious from the satisfied look of contentment on the faces of the police, copious amounts of fun were truly being had by all in attendance this day.

In a further act of mutual respect and cooperation, here we see these not-at-all violent supporters of the Blue Lives Matter movement, assisting the police in putting away their adult baby-gates, because hands on the work, means the works of hand get done that much quicker:

However, the fun really kicked into the highest of gears, when the assorted throng broke out their personal supply of Silly String, and started dousing the police with it, in a light-heated attempt to help bridge their differences regarding what others (those Libtards yet again) might surmise to be a violent attempt at overturning the results of what we “all know” at this point, despite all evidence to the contrary, to be a fraudulent election:

According to the modern-day Nostradamus known as “Q”, Donald Trump is STILL the President, Joe Biden is operating out of a fake White House located on a Hollywood sound stage, and as soon as Kamala Harris, Obama, Pelosi, Schumer, the Pope, both of the Clintons, and that fake Captain America from Disney’s Falcon and the Winter Soldier, are rounded up and arrested, Trump will take his rightful place, yet again seated firmly and permanently, in the highest office of the land.

In *fact, *[This is actually NOT a fact, something my lawyers told me that I had to make very clear, or they were all going to quit, as a group] all of this came to pass on November 3rd of 2020. Oops, my bad. I meant it took place on January 6’th, thanks to those stalwart patriots. It didn’t, you say? I’m ever so sorry, as what I should have obviously said was that it most certainly happened no later than January 20’th.

And if not, then rest assured, come March 4’th, or possibly later, due to an unforeseen bagged pork rinds shortage, that on the 20’th, the Prophecy as declared by the omnipotent “Q” Continuum will be not only reality, but future Lore for the ages:

Oh, mythical God dammit- I just looked down at my German word-a-day desk calendar and noticed that the current date is March 28’th, 2021. Either I overlooked something crucial in the last QAnon Email blast I was sent, or my limited-edition Nostradamus Scrying Bowl is on the fritz… again. Never mind. I got the issue licked. Turns out, I was using tap water instead of the recommended Healing Waters of Lourdes, hence the reason why the only vision I could see was that of Milla Jovovich eating cake:
[ Photo credit: https://www.instagram.com/millajovovich/?hl=en ]

Nevertheless, if I were to be brutally honest, I kind of always see that vision in my head 24/7 to begin with, and that’s regardless of whether I’m staring into a bowl of mystical water or not. So, maybe we should all take this observation of mine with about a pound and a half of salt, give or take an ounce.

Speaking of incorrect opinions, let’s get back to the subject of the non-riot, and Nick’s highly erroneous statement of there being “no attacks on law enforcement…” Thanks to all the selfies, journalistic stills, and videos that this mob of pustular Patriots willingly self-posted, we as a nation and as its citizenry, know this to be false, beyond any form of credible reproach. But I did say that I was going to approach this event in the same manner that the conservative hierarchy is doing, so here’s yet another photo of loyal American constitutionalists peacefully interacting with the Capitol police:If you deign to dare risk listening to the Lamestream Media, you might be led to believe that this image depicts an officer of the law who was just doing his job, facing the possibility of being crushed to death behind a door by a mob of treasonous twittering twats, but nothing could be further from the truth.

What is actually happening in this cherry-picked photo designed to deceive my fellow Americans, is simply a devoted cosplay depicting a modern take on the death of Giles Corey, that took place in 1692 Salem, Massachusetts.  For those of you not familiar with this tale, Giles Corey was an English-born American farmer who along with his wife, was accused of witchcraft during the Salem Witch trials.

Immediately following his arrest, Corey refused all attempts to force him to enter a plea, and was subjected to being crushed under stones in an effort to force him to admit guilt, which he steadfastly refused to do. His immortal last words were allegedly: “more weight.”, which in my humble opinion, and that without question, is possibly the most badass thing I’ve ever heard.

Nevertheless, I’d request that you ignore the contemptible aspects of this insurrection at the hands of people who religiously fly Blue Lives Matter flags, when they’re not directly involved in injuring over 130 police officers, and ruinously caving in the head of a Capitol police officer with a random fire extinguisher, which led to his succumbing to his injuries a day later. For the record, this is what a patriot looks like, Nick:
Capitol Police Officer and Veteran, Brian Sicknick. If there was indeed a just and merciful God, he’d demand that every one of these bastards would have this man’s name tattooed on their empty f**king heads,

Personally, I’ve always envisioned my death at the hands of, or for accuracy’s sake, the mutated dorsal fins of a half human, half-shark cyborg army, but no matter how I check out, I hope it can go down in the permanent record that I did so while exuding a level of big dick energy so massively impressive that it would make the late John Holmes want to zip up his pants, cry into his cocaine, and quit the adult film business altogether.

Ironically, keeping one’s pants zipped up, ties directly, if not ironically, into the last inane narrative being disseminated by Republicans, that being the amount of damage done by Liberals during protests versus when Conservatives decide to run amuck.

Amuck, amuck, amuck.

One thing I’ve noticed over the years though, is that when conservatives are the cause of, or are seemingly invested in the minutiae of a riot, it’s never “their” fault, the party line always being that regardless of whatever mayhem they may have directly triggered, they’re the real victims, and deserve either benevolent consideration, or an outright free pass, irrespective of consequence. So, for my final foray into this dissection of density, I’ll address Nick’s final point of hypocritical inanity.

And just so we’re clear, this is what a “riot” looks like, according to Conservatives, and as such, it requires a cadre of militarized police and armored vehicles, as it’s blatantly obvious that these unarmed people of uppittyness pose a quantifiable threat to both our society at large, and the cops watching them, who just so happen to be outfitted much as Seal Team Six were when they went looking for Osama Bin Laden:  :However, when it comes to White people tearing apart a town after their local sports franchise succeeds in their attempt to win the Super Bowl, World Series, Stanley Cup, NBA finals, or as often is the case where the New York Jets are concerned, a free bowl of homemade soup and a much-needed reassurance hug, then the resultant chaos is breezily classified as no more than a bunch of true fans engaging in a “spirited celebration”, that rejoices in showcasing the most resilient of individual team spirit:
Now, if I were to willingly continue carrying the mantle of hypocritical revisionism as I’ve been doing (albeit tongue in cheek), thus far, I’d opine that the conservative movement’s dedicated commitment to literal whitewashing is truly a wonder for the ages, if not an invaluable reference for future fascist propagandists. Nevertheless, I do have to directly address the last point of order, in Nick’s meme, and in keeping with the established theme, I’ll try to spin it harder than James Bond found himself, while strapped inside that absurdly coenient centrifuge chamber and improbable death-trap, from 1979’s  “Moonraker”::


This celluloid carnage masquerading as a film aside, Nick’s last so-called point, while fundamentally true, albeit from a cherry-picking on steroids POV, shares more than a few characteristics with this movie, the main one being that it’s not aging well at all, and ironically, for the very same reasons. First off, the story itself is ridiculously implausible, the performances are woodenly cliché, and in the end, when the situation depicted within is measured against the real world, it falls apart entirely.

In that fashion, it’s akin to almost every narrative cake that the conservative cabal serves up almost daily, if not hourly. Some of you may recall Nick’s last slice of cravenly crumb-cake that he was doling out as if it were a gift of necessary wisdom for the inane masses, was topped with those yummy sprinkles of faux offense, that conservatives like to scatter far and wide, as if they were frantically casting for their lost political relevance. This, for no other reason than to attempt to reverse the well-deserved perception that they’ve willingly and proudly, allowed themselves to become walking punchlines. To quote Nickodumbass here, hopefully one last time;

Nick: “no buildings burnt. Wait until the Senate throws out the impeachment as unlawful. That’s when we’ll see the riots. That’s the difference between conservatives and entitled spoiled brats.”

It’s quite the rarity that when I’m knee-deep in the act of writing, that I take a personal moment of reflection to cast my eyes upward towards the celestial throne of the mythical God, and openly thank him for the unexpected gifts I’m about to receive, but damn… I’m thinking that not only am I going to send a few sacrificial lambs his way, I’m going to happily toss in a few top-shelf Utah volcano virgins as well, to directly thank him for taking all that time off from his busy personal schedule to do so:

I have always prided myself on my singular dedication to accuracy, clarity, and most importantly of all, honesty, so I will more than happily concur that when it comes to the particulars of the Capitol insurrection, that indeed, there were “no buildings burnt’, whatsoever. Sure, the cops may have found more than a few homemade pipe bombs deliberately placed among the federal compound in which the Capitol normally peacefully resides, but to be fair, that’s Anarchist ordinance, not actual fire.

So I guess, these traitors to the values of America at the very least, have truly earned their Smokey Bear Awards, and yes… that is a genuine thing:  
See? I don’t just pull this sort of stuff indiscriminately out of the Internet’s intangible ether, you know. Some of this is actually planned in advance. And speaking of things that were obviously prearranged, how about these nifty and according to conservatives desperate to divert attention away from their collective’s abominable act, totally coincidental T-shirts spotted at this anti-BBQ celebrating light treason?
But once again, nothing at this point had been, or was supposed to be set ablaze. Unless of course, these stumbled across a legislator or two to use as potential cordwood, that is. In fact, these totally peaceful protestors went so far as to walk the halls of the capitol, to gently remind their fellow compatriots of this unspoken decree, utilizing colorful flags and banners, whose inherent meaning is that of unity, human dignity, and unwavering allegiance to one’s homeland, rather than the Orange-Crush-tinted leader of an abhorrently dense personality cult:
Whatever you do, if those Libtards point out that this photo represents nothing but the vilest betrayal of what America represents, given the fact that the Stars and Bars is literally a horrendous symbol that we went to war over, just remind them that “no buildings were burnt”, and trust me… that’ll shut them the hell up, and make them cry those snowflake gtears that we’ve yet to actually see, but we know are coming… someday. Soon.

So, in the end, no buildings were burnt, and when all is taken into consideration regarding this outstanding truth, all is sweetness and light, am I right?Regrettably, that answer seems to be a rather emphatic “f**k no, it is not”, as these images of one of the most detestably dark days in the history of our Republic reaffirm, bolstered by the myriad of selfies, videos, and numerous social media humble brags these seditious bastards saw fit to post as the most virtuous example of unfettered patriotism: :
Keep in mind, this building DOES have doors, but to be fair, when you’re an over-amped cult-monkey whose critical thinking skillset is on par with that of a drunken urinal-cake to  begin with, it’s probably difficult to overcome your lack of opposable thumbs as well:
I’m not going to lie here, as I’m all about the honesty, but when I originally saw this photo, the first thing that came to mind regarding what my eyes and soul were registering, was this, minus the banners and Chines-made red hats, of course:
But as Nick noted accurately: “no buildings were burnt”. However, the contents of the building ranging from random furniture to interior glass partitions, didn’t fare as well, and the carnage left behind in the wake of this destructive seditionist swath of destruction was evident, even outside of the Capitol itself:

’d give dollars to doughnuts that conservative pundits will spin the cost of the Capitol’s harm, estimated to be around 30M, as an economic boom to the small business community in DC as a golden opportunity to recoup those monies lost during the COVID-19 crisis. After all, somebody has to clean up the mess, straighten the curtains, wipe off the greasy fingerprints on all the shiny surfaces, replace all those windows and damaged access doors, that the mob both made entry though and tried to crush the police behind, and let’s not forget their final unexpected parting gift, one of maturity and rationality that was calculatingly distributed to further degrade what was once hallowed ground.

If you haven’t guessed, that present of pestilence was delivered in the form of pooled urine on the tiled floors, and human feces painted on the walls.

Yes, you heard that correctly. As they fought to establish their base of control, at no time did they ever decide to express their faux rage and political impenitence in the form of spray-painted slogans, or to stage a principle-based occupation. Instead, they as a unified cravenly collective, decided that in lieu of positively progressive action, an act of degenerate repulsiveness was the definitive go-to. What fine people. What noble Patriots. What exemplary Americans. What unintentional future cautionary tales for the ages.

But thank the mythical God above, at least fire wasn’t involved. Gotta take the bitter with the sweet, as my Grandmother was overly fond of saying, and all that. For the unfortunate legislators of America’s governance,who fled these halls under duress, this revolting act of desecration could only be perceived as the sole demented domain of the wretched, the ignorant, and dare I say it, the entitled. This scatological gesture, in and of itself, is no less than the perfect metaphor for who and what the conservative movement truly represents with pride, no matter what they’d like the rest of us to believe, or mercifully forget.

Can you just imagine what level of horror these congressional custodians had to experience, come the morning of the 7’th? And all of it, due to the sheer insanity of their so-called fellow humans, Just think of how many mounds of smashed glass. splintered piles of destroyed furniture, and other incidental damage that these embryonic sacks of rotting offal left behind, within the offices and chambers whose sanctity they so arrogantly and insolently, vandalized, looted, and ultimately violated, without a single shred of remorse to be found amongst the lot.

Especially in regards to those who once again, have to clean up their asinine and abominable mess. These are not people as the clinical definition states, nor can they be characterized as animals either, as is often the case when our society discovers that there are those who walk beside us, who have willingly surrounded all that which makes them human.

Nevertheless, this most virulent form of walking soul cancer, comprised of the very same brood that Nick has chosen to both openly defend and showcase his slavish allegiance to, are the end result of what happens when you allow those in power to disseminate ignorance under the misinformed belief that granting an open platform to such, and to those who espouse falsehoods as truth, is somehow, a step towards being graciously equitable to the contextual aspect of truly Free Speech.

So, when someone like dickless Nick here, suggests that it’s the imaginary “Alt-left’ that our country has to be on guard about, as his chosen side runs over protestors and mows down civilians inside shopping centers and synagogues, it should set the blood of anyone with an actual working intellect, boiling, to say the very least.

I feel I would be somewhat remiss however, if I didn’t acknowledge the certainty that if Nick ever deigns to read this pixelated pontification of mine, he’ll either be personally embarrassed to the point of contrition, which I strongly doubt, or more likely- he’s going to be as mad as any gibberish spouting guntard who discovers five minutes into his nude “rifle-polishing” routine, that he’s run out of the gun lube that brings him so much personal joy, if not a much-desired endorphin release.

That visual, an image I will have to burn out of my brain using a car battery and some strategically placed jumper cables, does lead into my next point- that being, one does not get to churlishly chastise his fellow citizens and humans for stepping up to secure the basic dignity and respect that all inherently deserve, while his in-league compatriots do everything they can to hinder that progression, by either the application of force, or more insidiously, utilizing the most partisan of Machiavellian schemes pathetically camouflaged as valid legislation.  

Let me tell you, there’s no better way to authenticate your self-claimed position as a lover of Constitutional Freedom, than by either promoting violence against your perceived political enemies, or doing so in conjunction with unethically stacking the deck in relation to established electoral law. It strikes as amazing, does it not, that influential voter fraud was literally a non-existent crime in this country, until we got a conservative administration that both weaponized it as the most effective of propaganda, as they normalized its use to maintain their death-grip on legislative and cultural influence.

This is not to say or allege directly, that Nick has been brainwashed by this obvious set of machinations, but I feel it is also reasonable to perhaps suggest that at the very least, his metaphorical bed sheets have definitely been run through the fluff-cycle way more than they should have been.

Nevertheless, I don’t want to end this screed full of merited bitch-slaps directed at a cravenly candy-ass on a down note, because as I often like to point out, and this for some strange reason, has to be done almost regularly, at my core- I’m truly a people person, just chock full of the Kombucha of human kindness. To prove this assertion that I know some of you may disagree with somewhat, I’ll offer the following heartfelt observation for Nick’s current political… oh what the hell, let’s all be charitable and refer to it as a “mindset”, if only for the sake of assisting the dialogue to reach the apogee, as it were.

In 1995, the renowned astrophysicist Carl Sagan, published his 12tn book, “The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark”, in which, his intent was to elucidate the scientific method in laymen’s language in an optimistic bid to encourage people to learn critical and skeptical thinking, a methodology that Nick seems blissfully unencumbered with. Ignorance being the highest state of obtainable bliss, and all that.

One of the more relatable passages, at least to myself anyway, was his take on exactly just why we as a hard-wired monkey-brained species, find it ever so difficult to accept even the merest of perceived challenges to what we consider to be our long-held values and conceived beliefs. I’m only posting it here for public dissemination because I truly believe that Nick, if he condescends to pay attention, might actually acquire a valuable perspective from within it. Think of it as me extending an olive branch of sorts, after gleefully using Nick as a personal chew-toy for close to 13.5K words.

And if said branch is refused? Well… then I can always slap him upside his empty head with it, so it’s not a total loss in the end, after all. Once again, taking the sweet with the bitter, and all that. To quote the man who placed the wonders of all things scientific in our living rooms;

“One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.”

The intrinsic message that Sagan set forth is obvious, well-stated, and most importantly to the issue at hand, still damningly relevant. Nick however, being who he truly is, and for what he represents, may not see it that way, and that’s fine. To quote the villainous Rock God “Mok” from the 1983 animated cult classic, Rock N’ Rule; “Too bad. We all have our illusions, far be it from me to take away yours.” Personally, I would go one step further and employ the newly tweaked maxim that says, “You can lead a schmuck to the waters of intellectualism, but you can’t make them partake.”

Fortunately for us, drowning is still an open option, so there’s that to look forward to, when all other avenues have been ultimately explored and exhausted.

Fortunately, drowning them in evidence is still an open option, so there’s that to look forward to, when all other avenues have been ultimately explored and exhausted. So, Nick if you are reading this, I’m hoping you are having a moment of personal introspection, even if that insight comes as you sit fuming in your suburban armory, a singular vein in that sloping Neanderthal brow you pass off as a forehead, throbbing in time with your heartbeat, as if it were a strobe light at a Daft Punk concert.

After all, wasn’t it you who told me directly, if not crudely, as seems to be your way, that you were defending my “right of freedom of speech” too? Of course, it was!

I can only hope you appreciate how I decided to use it.  

“A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.” – Baltasar  Gracian









































































































































































































Death Takes a Holman-day. (Death and the Craven)

I am not afraid of death threats, but I am appalled that so many people are capable of so much wrong spelling and fractured grammar!”- Miriam

Hello, Bitchiteers!

Today’s blogvella could be best defined by my long-held conviction, that threats are the sanctuary of the inarticulate, the inane, and the truly incompetent. Regardless of whatever flaw of character I decide to choose, they would all fill the need to serve as a launch pad for this, my newest slice of Snark. I’ve often joked that I have always judged my success by the enemies I’ve acquired, while also simultaneously noting with dire seriousness, that I also require a far better class of enemy.

Although to be quite honest, I would happily settle for one that couldn’t be as easily distracted by a box of bubble wrap or a Fleshlight with a set of fresh batteries, as most seem to be. But I’m also fond of this inherent weakness to be found in my detractors, for as Napoleon Bonaparte once stated; “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” And that, my loyal readers, is some hard-won and sage advice, no matter how you choose to spread it on your croissant.

And when it comes to the subject of what goes atop my pretentious bread, it’s a pretty simple combination of sugared venom, cynicism, and curmudgeonly guidance. It’s an acidic formula I’ve perfected over the last 52 years of walking upon this f**ked up Earth, and while it works perfectly fine for me, I will also openly acknowledge that it (and I) are ofttimes, not always everyone’s ideal cup of tea. What can I say? Some people are all about the coffee, and there’s nothing that I can do about that, not that I’d bother to try. See, without dissenting opinions, the world itself would be a rather boring place, and I’ve always felt that in order to achieve any kind of progress, all the cards as they were, need to be dealt out on the proverbial table.

This opinion of mine brings to mind the late comedian Richard Jeni, who had a joke about how your first date with a potential life-partner should take place not at a dinner table, but at a card table, where each of you would present your emotional issues, which had been conveniently printed up on cards, so that you could then be completely honest with each other:

Bob: “Hi, I’m Bob- I’m a Scorpio.”
Sally: ”Hi. I’m Sally. I’m a Psycho.”

Bob: “My father locked me in the closet when I was five years old.”
Sally: “My father came out of the closet when I was seven years old.”

Bob: “I’m self-centered and obsessed with my appearance.”
Sally: “I’m from Los Angeles, also.”

Just imagine how much smoother the world would run if we always knew who we were really dealing with, whether that knowledge was desired or disdained. I for one, would have made far better selections if I had been privy to the true intent of certain people, let me tell you. For instance, that whole three-and-a-half-year period where I was once engaged to a woman who was so well known for her infidelity, that I should have had one of those “take-a-number “dispensers installed outside of our bedroom.

I’m not going to lie here- when the woman you thought you loved comes home with enough strange DNA on her lips to warrant an episode of Cold Case Files, that’s when the subscription cost of precognitive vison definitively pays for itself. On the upside however, it did reinforce the concept expressed by poet Maya Angelou: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”, which, once again, is good advice, no matter how you choose to microwave your chimichanga. Taking it one step further, lauded American journalist and cultural critic Henry Louis Mencken opined that “Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.”, which led to my once displaying a certain returned engagement ring in a shadowbox with a plaque echoing this point of emotive discord.

But in hindsight, should I really have taken my cues regarding my personal healing process from a guy who looked like this?

Unquestionably, the man was a brilliant satirist, essayist, and academic, but as my GF noted, just on his looks alone, that if he offered you an unexpected cocktail, you’d most likely dump it out into a houseplant when he wasn’t looking, so maybe his view of inter-personal observations on the fairer sex should be taken with a grain of salt or two. In fact, when I showed her this photo, her visceral reaction was to say “Yeesh… that’s unfortunate.” Ouch.

Granted, this photo answers the question as to what the Pillsbury Doughboy might look like if he had decided to go work for Al Capone, instead of fostering his passion for baked goods, but I digress. The point that I’m trying to make here is that we never really know what’s in the heart of certain people, due to the variance of their personal experiences.

But when it comes to those on the alt-right side of things, what’s in their hearts isn’t that hard to decipher, thanks to their need to projectile vomit it out every five minutes. I’ve touched upon this topic before, so I won’t reiterate my take on it here yet again, but it’s fairly obvious that when it comes to the modern-day conservative movement, there’s a severe disconnect from both Reality and basic Humanity, to be certain. This social and cultural position, underpinned by nothing more that arrogant idiocy and paranoia, fomented by such fringe groups as QAnon and the like, has taken the belief in rather innocuous conspiracy theories, and weaponized them to a terrifying degree unforeseen in this country, prior to the implementation of the Internet.

You would think that in an era where just using my phone, I can order the box set of “The Secrets of Isis” (originally aired under the singular “Isis”), a live-action TV kids show that aired on CBS from 1975-1976, and whose plot centered around Andrea Thomas, an ordinary schoolteacher, who when presented with predicaments that a mere mortal cannot find resolution for, transforms into the Egyptian goddess Isis, using an ancient mystical gold amulet known as the “Tutmose amulet,” then it’s reasonable to assume that any one of these jingoistic jackasses could easily do the same as to where research on a wide range of topics is concerned.

Or maybe not, considering they’d watch this show, and then immediately afterwards, go post on Facebook that there was proof of Magic and Reincarnation, if you only knew where to look.

It’s kind of like they’ve been doing in regards to the 2020 election and the non-existent Issue of voter fraud that Trump concocted out of bulls**it and thin air. Keep this curiosity in mind, if you would-,a Public Policy Polling survey conducted in 2015, found that 30% of Republicans supported the bombing of Agrabah, which just so happens to be, the imaginary realm portrayed in the Disney movie Aladdin. To be transparent, if not equitably fair, so did 19% of polled Democrats, but that’s more due to philosophical differences with Jafar, in relation to his administration’s difficulties in establishing a diplomatic relationship with the residing-in-lamps Jinn community.
First piece of free advice, Jafar? Lose the attitude. It’s not helping. And keep your hands to yourself.

However, if I can pull up the airtime stats, a comprehensive cast list, long-forgotten publicity photos, and the premise of a 46-year-old kids TV show in under 12 seconds, then these uncivil dumbasses can easily discover the truth about voter fraud from a reputable source, versus one provided by some conspiracy theorist’s website run out of what I would have to assume given all indicators, is a tin-foil-clad studio apartment. However, our collective experience and common sense dictate that they won’t endeavor to do so, because not only is the act of research hard on their limited intellect, intrinsically knowing that they’re just plain wrong to begin with, is even harder on their ever so fragile Id.

Hence their need for their hate rallies and their pages on Facebook that serve as safe-spaces and echo chambers alike, and when their fabricated fantasies fail to win the day against the unceasing scourge of damn Libtards armed with actual reality-based facts, they fall back on the only pure response that they have left to use: the treat of targeted violence. If one goes onto any random Right-wing discussion forum, Facebook page, or website catering to the demographic of these conservative cucks, you’ll find a common theme and/or complaint throughout.

Is it regarding how they hate being called “racist” for doing and saying racist things? Or maybe it’s referencing how they’re going to make America “great? Again? By “taking it back” from… well, who it is changes from day to day, but you get the idea. Nope, it’s far simpler than that, I’m happy to report. It turns out the one party who wants to give American citizens access to truly affordable Healthcare, thinks free college should be a thing, as they endlessly advocate for a living wage, as well as and along with believing minorities, women and the LGBTQ community are actually people, are really the dangerously violent ones, all evidence to the contrary be dammed.

In fact, when one tallies up the numbers, using data compiled by a thinktank called the Center for Strategic and International Studies, which compared 900 politically-charged subversions and murders in the United States since 1994, it discovered that only one person’s death in the past two and a half decades was linked to the anti-fascist movement and it’s affiliates, the person who wound up dying, was the lone attacker themselves. And despite the incessantly mindless bleating of conservatives, Antifa has never been connected to a murder, let alone several, as has been falsely claimed. Even when the overall range was expanded to include incidents that occurred independent of the anti-fascist movement, Left-wing violence was only responsible for 21 deaths since 2010, versus the 117 committed by Right-wing extremists within the same period of time.

Adding further insult to the sanctity of alternate facts that conservatives tout as Gospel, the final tally of violence attributed to the Right-wing scorecard, is over 320 murders committed between 1994-2020, so please, my loyal boot-licking disciples of Cult 45, enlighten me as to how you did the math on this one. I’d love to hear if it’s the same inane method you employed to rationalize why you’re attacking the Capitol to usurp American democracy, murdering a cop as you did so, while injuring 140 others, qualifies as a patriotic act that no one should be held accountable for, versus an act of complicit treason that should cost either your citizenship, or your freedom, for the next 20 years, instead.

I’m sure your PowerPoint presentation regarding such, will be utterly  riveting.,

Highlighting the very palpable danger that conservatives willingly provide safe harbor to, Seth Jones, a counter-terrorism expert and who was partially responsible for compiling the data collected, stated in an interview with London’s’ The Guardian newspaper, that: “Left-wing violence has not been a major terrorism threat. The most significant domestic terrorism threat comes from white supremacists, anti-government militias and a handful of individuals associated with the ‘boogaloo’ movement that are attempting to create a civil war within the United States.”

If I were to be flippant, I might make a tasteless joke about not fearing a civil uprising from persons who when they got control of the Capitol, held onto it for less time than it took for most of them to travel there, but I won’t. Even the stupidest of these seditious lard-brains could manage to do some serious carnage if properly motivated, but minus that influence, the risk that they pose is limited mostly to themselves, or depending on their gender, a particularly fetching apple pie or cucumber, once they get done having improper relations with it.

In essence, the majority of these faux American Patriots and loyal foot soldiers for a homegrown Mango Mussolini, are at best, complete and utter blowhards. Total windbags. Or gasbags, as it all depends on what they had for lunch. Certainly, cockalorums to their core, braggarts at best, and far more prone to playing soldier in the woods if not their local Walmart, than actually signing up to go serve their country with the Honor and Dignity they eagerly sacrificed to a spray-tanned calf.

“Meal Team Six, standing by, Mr. President!!!”

In other words, the personification of cowardice, hypocrisy, and ultimately, willing enablers of sedition against the country they supposedly love, while simultaneously hating everyone in it. A small aside: if you find yourself happily keeping company with people that would make Aldrich Ames, Robert Hanssen, and the quintessential American traitor Benedict Arnold, feel right at home, you may want to seriously reconsider your applied standards as to whom you add as a Facebook friend in the future, just a suggestion.

And this, finally- brings me around to the topic for today, that being what happens when this collection of cravenly sedition-supporting sycophants finds themselves facing an impasse, due to both an obviously flawed sense of patriotic loyalty and an exceedingly limited emotional intellect, that they doggedly refuse to improve, whether that’s through the act of self-education or acquiring the skill-set necessary to wean themselves successfully off the GQP Kool-Ade they’ve been mainlining for the last five years..
For me, it isn’t a question of “Can any of these cultists actually do that?”, so much as it is: “Will they ever come back to Reality and decide they genuinely want to?”

Sadly, we all know the answer most likely will be “no”, even when faced with the consistently proven evidence that to their tinted tin-man, they are nothing more than a willing to be defrauded piggybank at best, and traction for the bus he’ll gleefully and eventually throw them under, at worst. And when it comes to marching into battle, they’ll also serve as cannon fodder, his human shields, and subsequent scapegoat for avoiding personal culpability, because there’s no way he’d ever risk himself by leading the charge right out front, and he sure as f**k wouldn’t ever accept the consequences of such an action, as he’s proven more than once.

However, my screed today isn’t going to be fixated on our now thankfully disposed and wholly treacherous Adderall Adulterer, or even his base of bloviating pinheads overall, either. Nope, all of my focus is going to be on only one or two of his fallacious fan-base, who just happen to be excellent examples of how not to handle critical dissent directed at your so-called belief system.

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, Klingons and Cardassians alike, may I present this guy, who’s our first recipient of my Snarkitude, this conservatively charming fellow, who goes by the name of Christopher Daniel Holman:

This walking gift card for Ted Nugent’s SpiritWild Mall.com, made flesh, Holman is an alleged denizen of Silver City, NM, a charming little hamlet, located roughly a three-hour drive away from scenic Tucson, AZ, and previously, resided in the far more famous city of Roswell, NM, a town rumored to be the crash site of a UFO that supposedly occurred in July of 1947.

And when he’s not taking selfies of himself fondling what could be considered by those of a cynical perception as an over-dramatic substitute for what may be allegedly lacking between his legs, he likes to threaten total strangers and the political demographic they represent, with the threat of Death.

You know, as you do in regards to all disagreements, both personal and political?Unfortunately, it’s never this version of the Grim Reaper as drawn by Arthur Adams that shows up to collect you, sad to say, because if it was, I’d be on that faster than I would a box of chilled Ding-Dongs, but I’ve had far too much private experience touching the bunny-slippers of Death, and can personally attest that this particular incarnation is way more on the proverbial money:

Whatever you do, don’t bring up the fact that William “Bill” S. Preston Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan totally kicked his ass, after challenging him to what was supposed to be no more than a friendly game tourney, consisting of Battleship, Twister, Electric Football, and the classic board game, Clue. Seriously- he’s “Death”. How did he not know it was Colonel Mustard in the Library with the candlestick?  Sure, we’ve all made that mistake at least once in our pursuit of mindful entertainment, but this is literally his sole purpose for being- collecting the souls of the dearly and not-so-dearly departed, and ferrying all them off to either their everlasting reward or an eternal and deservedly damnable punishment.

That’s his forever gig, and whether you wish to personify Death as Charon, Thanatos, [not to be confused with Marvel’s evil purple version of The Grimace, AKA: Thanos] Ankou, Śmierć, Giltinė, Laima, Yama, Izanagi, or Memitim, Death is Yin to Life’s Yang, and exists solely as such, despite his name being dropped for eons as the ultimate form of threat, regardless of its credibility. For example, if our parents had actually “killed” us every single time they threatened to, none of you would be here reading this now, and that, is as certain as you know it is to be.

Speaking as a (relatively) well-adjusted adult who somehow survived a disturbingly abusive childhood, the metering of consequences, via the threat of physical violence, almost makes me feel nostalgic, if I were to be so blunt. Once you’ve characterized the act of being strangled with a lamp cord by your Mom as a 12 year old, to be no more than a rite of passage, everything after that is a pure cakewalk in the park, to be honest. So, when I experience threats both credible and laughable in regards to my politics and/or writing, it’s best sunned up by displaying this attitude:
Part of this outlook is due to my inherently cynical personality, and the remainder, because I live under the threat of my health going South on a moment’s whim to begin with. I’m literally tied (via a catheter line) to an insulin pump, an $8500 piece of med-tech that I wear 24/7, save for two hours a week, when I have to recharge its batteries. Now, as I’ve oft noted before, considering the level of nerve pain level I find myself experiencing on the day said threats are delivered, factoring in any of the secondary medication-related side-effects, and dependent on my personal to-do list, I may actually welcome them inside my house.

And that, with no small sense of glee, I’m sure.

So, how and where exactly, does the aforementioned Christopher Daniel Holman fit into this theoretical end-of-my-days scenario? Let me start at the beginning as all good (and some not so good) epics start- that being the sewer-land that is an internet comment section. In my case, that would be the one pinned to the Silver City Sun News, which, according to its FB page bio, is; “your news, entertainment and information resource for Silver City, Grant County, the Gila Region, the Mimbres Valley, and the Mining District – Bayard, Santa Clara and Hurley, New Mexico.”

And as is to be expected from most small-town newspapers, its comment section tends to be rather “spirited” when it comes to debating both the local and national issues of the day, but it rarely goes past the boiling-point of insulting somebody’s lineage, hence the reason why I enjoy using the serious query of “Why do I get the feeling that your family tree resembles a wreath?” so much.

Handle that joke with care kids, because at this point, this go-to classic qualifies as an antique,

The comment thread in question, was inspired by an article regarding the colossal political failure that was Trump’s fantasy border wall, and after I had dared to lay down a a fact-smack regarding the stats of such, as I’m apt to do, this barely sentient jar of Holman mayonnaise showed up, and posted this, a response that one could only perceive as a rational retort to their being directly challenged as to why their personal opinion was erroneously uninformed:

Normally, when I receive these missives of mental illness made tangible, they get routinely designated into three distinct categories; Imminent, Irrelevant, and Idiotic. As you might surmise, the majority of these pathetic attempts at cravenly coercion directed my way, generally fall into the last two classifications, rather than the first and far more ominously disturbing one, thank Odin.

But as to the reason why most of these vitriolic epistles sent my way are so easily dismissed by yours truly, the answer is twofold: the first part of it lies in the distance that most of these pinheads would have to travel to teach me their form of manners, an act which is hard to finance, given the current monetary status of most of these tantrum-throwing twats, and the second is that the majority of them always seem to fall into one of these archetypes:

The mentally obese;

The morbidly paranoid;

And my personal favorite: The allegedly milquetoast cuckold who claims nevertheless, that they’re really an Alpha, despite what their habit of taking selfies with their substitute penii consistently proves who and what they are, beyond a shadow of doubt:

[ Photo Credit: ©Jon Langkov ]

In retrospect, this designation could never be expected to drive future T-shirt sales, as it doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, as it needs to, so let me just rechristen this ilk with the far catchier Ball-less Beta-Bitches, and move on to the topic at hand. Overall, Mr. Holman isn’t really that much of a standout when it come to the endless litany of threats that I receive, as I tend to judge and that rather harshly, on the creativeness of said threat, if not its endeavored execution, but there was one thing that did put him a notch or two above the fray, as it were, and that would be his inadvertently bad sense of timing in issuing it.

A note from me to you- if you’re going to vomit forth utterances of “hunting liberals”, you probably shouldn’t do it roughly a week after your related incel ilk murdered a police officer as they attempted to overturn democracy, as most law enforcement agencies have been taking sort as of late, in regards to that sort of thing. And unfortunately for Mr. Holman, so do I. It’s one thing to inform me tha5 if we ever meet, you’ll “learn me something”, although I’m pretty sure without fear of reproach, that said lesson you’re so graciously offering won’t involve any insightful tips on grammar, spelling, or critical thinking, but when you imply that you’ll be going full Zodiac as well, then you and I are going to have a problem or two, right from the get-go.

But let it never be said that I am not a man of action, so I did what all men of action do- I squirmed into a set of brightly colored Spandex tights, put my underwear on over that as is the classic style, slipped on my custom conservative-skin boots, tied a cape around my neck, and set off into the skies of my metaphorical Mayberry to fight for Truth, Justice, and the American Way. Whatever the hell that is nowadays, as its been a while since I went to one of the meetings. Oops, my bad. I got the American Way confused with my Amway distributorship. On a related note, does anybody need body lotion?

Because I have three cases at home, of just the thing.

All kidding aside, I did what I always do when serious credence must be given to the possibility that some alleged weaponized wackadoo may be only one perceived internet thread slight away from deciding to finally go into that Barnes & Noble a block away from his house, and reenacting Sandy Hook- I contacted the authorities, ASAP. And as I noted earlier, their collective sense of humor these days, is a mite thin when it comes to accepting as flippancy, the statements such as the ones Mr. Holman publicly posted, as if he was doing nothing more that sharing his mom’s church-famous chocolate-chip and gunpowder cake recipe.

In Mr. Holman’s case, he’ll be happy to know that no less than four law enforcement agencies took an interest in his declarations, three of those being New Mexican, and the last, one that has only three letters forming its acronym, but was also definitely in the running as one of the top two who seemed most interested in his fantasized-about future hobby. And to think, I managed to get him all this personal attention without having to spend a dime of my own money. Eat your heart out, Ebenezer Scrooge- daddy knows how to get blood out of a stone, let me tell you. Or in this case, potentially getting a blockhead eventually removed, via his own actions and words, from our free Society.

And no, your little inclusion of “I’m not even gong to waste anymore time on you”, in no way, shape, pr form, negates that you made an actionable threat, worthy of prosecution, So congratulations, Genius. You just made yourself visible on a wide range of legal radar screens, and they and i, cannot thank you enough for that.

But since you did state outright and with some pride attached, I noticed, that you were honing your skills in anticipation for the day you got to hunt Liberals, I also took it upon myself to contact the companies you claimed you worked for in your bio, and warn them of your declared fantasy, as well, eventually discovering that both of the listed companies that I contacted were, in actuality, former employers,

Despite this, they in twain, did respond to my missive almost immediately, which read:

To Whom it may concern:

I am writing in regards to a series of comments posted online by one of your supposed employees, that being a certain Christopher Daniel Holman, who self-identifies on his FB page as working for your company in the capacity of a [INFO CENSORED|

Mr. Holman made some rather threatening, if not disturbing, comments in the open forums of the Silver City Sun News FB page that were directed at me, and anyone else who happens to share my political views. While as a professional journalist, I heartily endorse the concepts of Free Speech and Debate, I draw the line at personal threats, as one might expect.

And I, sure as the day is long, will not accept threats against the general public, given the outcome of what happened on the 6th of this month in our nation’s Capital. I will be reporting Mr. Holman to both his and my local law enforcement agencies, ASAP, and I will make sure that a somber course of action is applied, to whatever extent the Law allows or demands.

Ironically, I’m currently working on a “pitch” article for a handful of regional media outlets regarding the politically-connected acts of violence becoming more prevalent among the conservative movement, so this little slice of WTF is both an interesting and workable possible inclusion to the assemblage of my final draft.

And it is most definitely, a facet I will most certainly address openly, if Mr. Holman does not cease his prosecutable inanity towards myself or others.

The reason why I am contacting you however, is that as someone who has a vested interest in promoting both the business and the activity that your company provides goods and services to, I can only assume that you would want such presented as safe, wholesome, and family-orientated, if I may be so direct.

Generally, an employee making actionable death threats as he advertises that he works for you, tends to put a bit of a crimp in the success of such endeavors, as it should, if I were to offer a humble opinion.

I have attached two (2) screencaps- one of the splash page of Mr. Holman’s FB page, where he indicates that he works for you, and the second of the threats themselves. I will not demand or state the course of action that you should or should not take regarding this matter- after all, it’s your company’s reputation on the line, and not mine, but rest assured, these aren’t the optics you want representing your “brand” in the long run.

In closing, I thank you for your time, and wish you continued success.
Wayne Reich

Now, the underlying intention regarding my information campaign, was not to infer directly that my local Christopher Throbbin’ here, was, or is, anything more than a fatuous blowhard, prone to acts of sheer vacuous inanity, but given the current state of politics and the notoriously overreacting reputation ascribed to the members of Cult 45, why should anyone wait until one of these jingoistic jackasses pops his cork and starts capping off rounds indiscriminately inside a Starbucks?

I, for one, would rather be safe than sorry, erring on the side of caution and Mr. Holman’s public discomfiture, rather than open Facebook one morning, and find out he, she, or they, cut from the same ilk-cloth that I had relegated to the “idiotic” file on my laptop, had decided to go full-on Kyle Rittenhouse, just because someone dared correct them concerning Republican domestic economic policies. To be blunt, we as a society, can no longer indulge in that kind of luxurious thinking anymore, no matter how much we’d still like to.

The first former employer of Christopher’s, let me know that not only had he not worked for them for close to a year, but that they also took the posted threat seriously enough that they would inform the proper people within their organization to stay vigilant, given the current sociopolitical climate. A conversation that was short, sweet, professional, and to the point, which is the type of tête-à-tête I prefer to engage in.

But the reaction of former employer number two?

If I were forced to be charitable, the best description I might offer to define the ensuing dialogue, would be that of a semi-controlled freak-out. The individual I talked to, despite being rather open and professional in regards to my queries, had a notable tinge of stressed panic in their voice as they endeavored to distance themselves as far away from Holman’s vile remarks, as I successfully did in regards to my ex-fiancé. Informing me several times, that Holman was never considered to be an “official” employee, due to his being a worker under contract.

Additionally, it was also brought to my attention that his term of servitude had occurred close to three years earlier.

That last factoid did strike as strange, because that position was still listed as current within Holman’s bio, as I noted earlier, which in my humble opinion, indicates that he updates his FB as often as he educates himself regarding the issues that he openly threatens strangers on the internet over. Given my tenacity for detail, I did eventually discover where he now currently works, and while I could directly contact that company as well, )and still may) I’d like to think that the most effective, if not more mature option, would be to just pass that information along to the wide swath of law enforcement agencies I mentioned earlier, as a common courtesy.

In a further act of altruistic civility, I would have also politely informed Christopher of this benevolent consideration, but after calling him out for his posted comments, he immediately “blocked” me on FB, because that’s how you negate your act of public menacing, am I right?

But then again, who knows what course of legally approved action I will eventually take? After all, I want to make sure I give the same amount of contemplation to my actions, that these people have for the last four years, in regards to this country and their fellow citizens.

And therein lies the unintentional irony of it all, because for a group of hardcore firebrands who’ve spent the last four years calling everyone in earshot ”Snowflakes”, and telling Trump’s valid critics; “You lost- get over it”, they melt faster than a pile of them left atop the hotness that is Milla Jovovich, and I won’t even mention the hypocritical causticness of them playing their favorite slogan on loop, as they still happily continue to wave both Trump banners and the Confederate flag, alike. And while the NAZI flag has made the occasional appearance outside pro-Trump rallies from time to time, I won’t even dare suggest that Trump supporters, are NAZI’s, for to do such, would be ignorant on my part, at best, and Odin knows, I don’t want to be misconstrued as possessing Conservative values by doing so.

That being said however, I would note that the majority of American NAZI’s are seemingly all Trump supporters, so rather than host the tried argument about how you really can’t choose who admires you, I’d open the debate floor instead with the query as to exactly why, an organization that espouses genocidal cleansing and the purity of the White Race, would find any note of kinship with you, if you’re such an openly ardent anti-racist to begin with. After all, you don’t ever hear that the members of the Aryan Brotherhood or the KKK were willingly pressing the flesh at a Stacey Abrams fundraiser, do you? That is of course, unless she’s going to be the unwilling guest of honor at one of their front-yard BBQ’s, to be served up in the wee hours of the morning.  

Once again, this is not to say that Christopher shares their abominably wretched point of view, based in ignorantly flaunted racism, but he’s not exactly free of their stain, either. And this is why, if something you admire, respect, promote, or willfully contribute energy and private finances to is considered a positive thing by a demographic who has Eva Braun tattooed on their collective chests, then you might just want to change your hobby, your political ideology, your friends most certainly, and even possibly, your name, at some upcoming point down the road, because son… let’s face it- if you’re marching in lockstep with NAZI’s, you’ve done made some bad personal choices, to say the very least.

And this reality, that for no other reason than that they both partake (albeit from different sides) of the ideological swamp water dispensed nonstop by Trump and the modern-day GQP, is truly one thing that the disciples of Cult 45 absolutely despises, and is the impetus for their incessant need to ceaselessly project their party’s inherent weaknesses upon their perceived enemies, whether the credibility for doing so, exists or not.

There’s a famous maxim, that’s been attributed,to the infamous NAZI Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels, although a valid source coronation for this remains somewhat elusive at best, that states: “Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty of.”, and if I were to be so bold, the pre-immolated Gabby Goebbels would have been exceedingly awestruck by how devotedly the GQP has not only taken this alleged advice to heart., but turned it into a cash cow as well. Nothing this side of sex sells nearly as well as Fear does, and the GQP re-packages it better than AC/DC did its identical song-ending power chord, every time they recorded a “new” album. 

Combining his flair for creative litany with the oratory skills of a racist chicken being boiled alive, Goebbels also formulated the cornerstone of all successful propaganda campaigns, known far and wide as “The Big Lie”. To note; “If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.”

The fact that this conversational deflection is still employed, and that so efficaciously still, is not that surprising- after all, as the proverbial monkeys that we are, we’re naturally hard-wired for the distraction of the overly shiny, especially if it plays into our darkest concerns. Do you have a demographic under your control that you’ve been spoon-feeding paranoia to for decades? Well then, throw in a scapegoat in the form of Minorities, Gays, Women, Immigrants, Non-Christians, Atheists, Feminists, the Poor, the Educated, or the Infirm, and you’ll be off to a good start.

Throw in a few cloves of conspiracy, place in a pressure cooker of self-victimization, topped off with an unequal measure of racism, misogyny, xenophobia, homophobia, and willing ignorance, and when this asinine amalgamation reaches a full boil, serve immediately, heavily garnishing with selective gaslighting and cherry-picked ”statistics”, Serves anywhere from one to 74 million.

And not to worry, the more fearful your gourmands are, the more they’ll willingly swallow, without nary a concern as to the edibility of what you’re serving-, count on it. And the beauty of this recipe is that there’s really no wrong way to make it, as long as your intended gastronomes have their personal bias satisfied. Hell, even if you serve it ice-cold and raw, they’ll still come back for seconds, thirds, and fourths. I’ve heard stories about specific diners who’ve been served the same meal with no variations for years, and it’s still happily consumed, as if it’s the last one they’ll ever have.

Make no mistake in regards to the marketing power of Fear. It can prop up (or derail) a political campaign, ruin lives, personal reputations, and careers, and properly harnessed, it can create either an influential movement, or an unending revenue stream, funded by mindless morons who believe themselves to be dynamic revolutionaries, despite possessing all the cultural panache of a bag of boiled clams. Case in point- this display of vulgar ignorance, proudly hoisted within the confines of the small town that I live just outside of, that being Silver City, NM.  
Other than the fact that this inane exhibition is located directly across from a school, the message emblazoned upon it just reinforces that when it comes to being cowardly hypocritical curs, the formerly non-proud-boy party of Lincoln seemingly has no sense of personal irony. For people who’ve been screaming for years that the Left needed to be respectful of their abominable point-of-view, they’re more than happy to jettison that stance whenever they discern an opportunity to engage in being full-blown candy-assed bitches.

The owner of this supreme example of a public education allegedly failing to take hold, one Nick Lemme, explained his ode to immaturity in a print interview* with the Silver City’s Daily Press newspaper, noting that: *“I think they are offended by the message, but there is nothing they can report about that, but going after the language gives them something to- it’s a scapegoat to attest to the legality of the whole situation. It’s just me expressing my First Amendment right. I’m not targeting people who voted for Biden- that part of it is just on the flag, I just ordered the first one I found.”
*[ https://www.scdailypress.com/2021/02/24/profane-anti-biden-flags-raise-hackles/ ]

I would opine that rather than waste his money to buy a coarsely-worded flag protesting an election that was settled quite some time ago, Mr. Lemme should have invested in acquiring a far better-fitting human skin-suit, instead. Not surprisingly, Lemme has been viewed as a stalwart patriot by his fellow Trumpanzees, and in the interview, openly brags about receiving a case of beer from an equally intellectually challenged woman who supports his attempt to embarrass his blood line for decades to come.

Honestly, I can’t think of a better reward for such jackassery, as I’ve always felt that in order to still support Trump at this point, one’s habit of day drinking would need to be expanded to a 24/7 endeavor of personal dedication..

Given the Right’s over-reactive disrespect to differing POV’s and the confines of established Reality over the last four years, I find the comments stated within the article by Lemme’s friend, Gabriel Maldonado, to be also hilariously tone-deaf, if not entirely hypocritical: “If they want to come- of course, respectfully- we can have a conversation about it. It’s as simple as that. Driving by and screaming whatever they want to scream, they can do whatever they want, If they come, show us your respect.

Yeah…  about that? I seem to recall a certain phrase you guys loved to bleat incessantly, and at every opportunity to do so, but for the life of me, I can’t recollect what it was… oh wait, I remember now:
And to this, I would add, the warmest suggestion that while you’re at it, that you should go f**k yourself as well. And when it comes time for those feelings of yours to get f**ked, you troglodytes, I can only pray that however the act is performed, it’s done so with a sandpaper-wrapped condom, to achieve the warranted effect, Shockingly, I see no necessity to show any form of respect to persons who comfortably stand in jack-booted lockstep with so-called Americans who support treason, among a host of other disturbingly vile personal qualities. You dare demand “respect” from the very same people you’ve spent no less than four years metaphorically spitting on and threatening?

Good luck achieving that absurdist fantasy. Maybe when you sober up, you’ll understand that Respect must be earned, and only Civility is given. And if I may be so blunt, you don’t deserve the first, and you’re seriously stretching the elasticity of the second. Especially after reading the following, quoted directly from the article itself: Lemme said that he does feel like the flag has placed a metaphorical target on his back, however, which is why he flies the flag underneath a darkened American flag. He said the blacked-out American flag was used by some Confederate military units during the Civil War as a symbol to not give nor accept quarter — a juxtaposition to the white in the real American flag.

 “A lot of military people wear it,” Lemme said. It’s just basically stating no mercy if they want to do something and target me – that’s basically a warning.””

Let me deconstruct this down to the brass tacks, if for no other reason than to highlight the the fact that I loathe statements of arrogance from persons who confuse displays of nearly sociopathic contrariness, with being a noteworthy badass. To note, if a target has been indeed, “placed” on Mr. Lemme’s obviously empty head, he’s the delusional dumbass who put it there in the first place, He didn’t need to hoist a flag that showcases his ignorance, nor did he need to publicize his act of dipshittery via a sure-to-be-noticed media interview, either. Just saying.

As to the Civil War claim of the Flag’s origin, Lemme is essentially correct. But does anyone else see the blatant absurdity in his failed attempt to repurpose a symbol of Confederate resistance as an homage to American patriotism? What’s next, Nick? Going to hoist a *Swastika as a “tribute” to Hinduism? Not to mention, we as a whole, can hardly take his “warning” of showing his critics “no mercy” if they dare test his resolve at face value, considering his allegiance to a political ideology based on tenets of hypocrisy, sedition, and cowardice.
*[The Sanskrit word swastika, means “conducive to well-being”. In Hinduism, the unfortunately appropriated by the NAZI party version is right-facing, () and is called swastika, symbolizing Surya (“sun”), prosperity and good luck, while the left-facing symbol () is called sauwastika, symbolizing night, or the tantric aspects of Kali.]

Short of a violent assault upon his person, (which I would never condone) what threat does Lemme feel he’s currently under? Is he so afraid that an as yet unknown person is going to force him to accept Reality, that he feels the need to unsheathe his metaphorical micro-penis as if he were having a homoerotic locker-room sword-fight? And just how exactly pray tell, would he handle being yelled at, or disrespected to his face?

Lord knows, he and his fellow beer-swilling-brotard are hardly going to bring a debate of any merit to the adult’s table, as it’s almost a given that any argument they would fail to launch would be about as meritorious as any of the other paranoid conspiracy theories that they ascribe to as Gospel, and then virulently spread as if it were conversational Chlamydia. So, given his hardly subtle threat, what are the odds that rather than use his adult words, as they don’t utilize those at the Kid’s Table he currently sits at, that his reaction to a round of heated and well-deserved criticism won’t be to commit to an act of unnecessarily violent overreaction?

It’s fairly obvious that Mr. Lemme is looking for a fight of some sort, and that most possibly due to his feeling of being politically, if not culturally, impotent, but is he entirely sure that if and when it arrives, he’d be up for the challenge, given the fact his mango man-crush role model is a total f**king coward? As we’ve all seen from Mr. Holman’s earlier example, when hamstrung by their own inability to adeptly weaponize their disjointed thought-process, these cultists immediately resort to the hallmark of the intellectually frustrated- the threat of violent retribution for their suffering a slight, albeit actual, or as is typically true of the Cult 45 Klan, entirely fabricated from their obsessive need to present themselves as being victimized at every turn.

For people who claim not to live in fear, they seemingly spend a lot of their free time cowering at the merest mention of: abortion rights, affirmative action, Antifa, atheists, BLM, the cause of African-Americans civil rights, green energy, college educations, reality, credible evidence, gun control, Gay rights, police brutality, masks, the Free Press, and women having the audacity of being in charge of their own body autonomy. Once again, this is not to say or subtly imply that any of the aforementioned people within this screed share or support the entirety of these detestable pillars of modern-day conservatism, but they also can’t deny the fact that at best, they’re willingly splitting the rent on their time-share  hate-house, either.

One of these things is quite like the other, one of these things definitely belongs, and all that.

You cannot laud America as a beacon of inclusivity, while hating all the other people in it. You cannot demand Free Speech while denying others theirs. You cannot demand others follow rules that you yourself, openly ignore. You cannot call yourself a “patriot” while supporting those in power who advocate for sedition. And you most certainly don’t get to whine about fearing for your personal safety Mr. Lemme, when you’re the one who started the fight, or when you openly post implied threats against those who disagree politically with you, Mr. Holman.

That’s not being an American. Those are the hallmarks of a budding fascist, which when given all the empirical evidence presented by Cult 45 as of late, shows just where their true loyalty lies, and it’s not to the ideals of the land that gave them the freedoms they’ve corrupted to justify taking the very same from others. Mark my words, and mark them well- these people are Americans in the same way that Donald Trump is a faithful husband and scholar. I will never understand how a man whose presidential library is going to be located inside the darkened confines of a seedy porn shop broom closet, still maintains such a sway, despite his essentially possessing all the intellect, tact, and competence of a barely sentient, and bronzer-dipped, Cheeto.

But I do know this- he’s still an infectious menace to our democracy, so long as he still owns the souls of his cult, and has unfettered access to their wallets. And given the fact of how easily his cult was inspired to march upon the capitol for no other reward than to fuel their Fanta Fascist’s delusions of grandeur and dictatorship, we shouldn’t disregard that the reality that he’s more than willing as sacrifice as many lives as possible to satisfy his ravenous ego.

After all, he allowed 400K of his citizens to die, so what’s a few more insignificant corpses on the flaming pyre of his idiopathic petulance?

Besides, despite his earlier claim of “If Joe Biden wins, you’ll never see me again”, no one with both a pulse and a functioning intellect ever thought for a second that he actually meant it. The mango man-child above all else, suffers from raging narcissism, and he is as addicted to that flaw of his character and the adulation it brings, as he allegedly is to Adderall and adultery. As long as there are sheep willing to be fleeced for the “privilege” of bleating mindlessly within his presence, he’s never going away willingly, or contritely. In addition, neither are his just a few months shy of cosplaying Jonestown, cultist base.

So what are we as a nation to do, if we can’t safely reintegrate these pod-people pinheads back into the realm of sanity again? Keep in mind, this demographic has no interest in achieving unification, although I would opine that the feeling is hardly exclusive to their side of the political fence alone, as the meme below suggests.
Personally, I’m perfectly fine keeping these seditionist-supporting apostates right out in front of me, rather than within my ranks and the metaphorical machine, where the damage they could theoretically inflict, could be far worse than what they’ve already accomplished, terrifying as that thought is to contemplate. We must unify, you beseech? To that, I jauntily offer up the following retort: GO F**K YOURSELF, AS WELL AS THEM, because there’s no way in Gehenna, I’d ever trust any of these treasonous troglodytes with any amount of critical responsibility, regardless of their outward sincerity. 

In all seriousness, should any of these complicit enablers of treason and divisiveness be allowed to just slither away consequence free, for no better excuse than an unfounded sense of pathetic optimism that all should be forgiven for the “greater good”? F**k that. And sideways, no less. There’s no way on this f**ked up Earth that any grace should ever be shown towards those among u who tried so earnestly and openly, to rend asunder that which has bound this country together since its inception, in the name of a man-child demagogue who has spent his entire existence within it, flagrantly s****ing on every one of its core values as a hobby.   

Here’s the deal. No matter what your politics are, Left or Right, Bleeding Heart or Dusty Stone, Clintonite or Reaganite, I’d like to think deep down that we all can agree on the fact that the last four years have been a goddamn dumpster-fire s**t-show of near Biblical proportions, and it isn’t over yet. You’ve seen the scrawled graffiti up and about that says: “Make Racists afraid again”, right? Well, I say we go one step further, collectively band together, and truly strike Fear (literally and metaphorically) into the ratf**ked souls of ALL who willingly brought us to this point in time.

And when it comes to dealing with the likes of keyboard-fellating cravens such as Mr. Holman, or the odiousness of the anti-Biden flag-hoisting f**kwits in my neck of the woods, maybe we should glean a nugget or two of procedural advice from the arrogant posturing offered up for display by their poster boy, Nick Lemme? After all, he did say: “It’s just basically stating no mercy if they want to do something and target me- that’s basically a warning.”

Warning received. Warning understood. Whining definitely most noted.

We’re still going to do whatever the hell we need to do, in order to get back on the right path once more, and since there’s nothing you can do to stop us in the first place, short of attempting to betray your country yet again, I’d suggest you either buy a ticket to the event, or get the f**k out of our way. Because if there is a target we’re aiming for, it’s not on any of your uselessly paranoid heads, so much as it is at restoring America’s reputation, both here and abroad.

And if you dare get in our way of doing so. may whatever Deity you ascribe to, help you, Because your traitorous Herr Twitler, wouldn’t condescend to lift one of his gilded fat fingers to do so, and Lord knows, we will never be in fear of an intellectually inadequate “army” so asinine, that they can be called to willing self-sacrifice under the Chines-made banner of a bumper sticker ideology.

And that, unlike any of Trump’s promises, you can take to the bank.
An American one, of course, as he’s borrowed all the money the Russian ones had to offer.

“Now, now my good man, this is no time to be making enemies.”
(Voltaire on his deathbed, in response to a priest asking him that he renounce Satan.)
























































































The Con-versation Pt.2 (Fake it till you make it)

“You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.” – Harlan Ellison

Hello Blogiteers!

It’s truly been a wonderful day in my neighborhood- I got to go spend some time shooting a snow covered cemetery, had a nice strong cup of Earl Grey when I got back home, and somehow, still managed to make a whole bunch of Trumpanzees cry, bitch, moan, and eventually run for their online lives. That which best sums up my attitude when it comes to dealing with the members of Cult 45, is perfectly encapsulated by a pivotal scene from the James Bond flick “Tomorrow Never Dies”, that occurs between our hero 007, and the comedically amusing, and yet still wholly evil hitman, Dr. Kaufman, which goes like this:

Dr. Kaufman: “This is very embarrassing. It seems there is a red box they need in your car, only they can’t get it open. They want me to get you to tell how to open it. I feel like an idiot, I don’t know what to say.”

[Bond just smiles]

Dr. Kaufman: “I am to torture you if you don’t do it.”

James Bond: “Do you have a doctorate in that as well?”

Dr. Kaufman: “No, no this is more like a hobby… but I am very gifted.”

Now, while I can claim with some authority that my main gig is that of a Jack-of-all-Trades Creative, my main go-to and fallback these days, is that of a professional Writer. But as far as where my “hobby” is concerned, excoriating those within the conservative movement is definitely where I tend to really bring my “A” game, if I do say so myself, and I do. But to be fair, how hard is it to win a battle of wits when your opponents consistently arrive unarmed? We’ve all heard the axiom of “Like shooting fish in a barrel”, but these people are more akin to the cow in Douglas Adam’s most excellent book, “Restaurant at The End of The Universe”, than anything else.

Of what do I speak?  From Chapter 17…

“Well,” said the animal, “I know many vegetables that are very clear on that point. Which is why it was eventually decided to cut through the whole tangled problem and breed an animal that actually wanted to be eaten and was capable of saying so clearly and distinctly. And here I am.” 

It managed a very slight bow. “Glass of water please,” said Arthur.

“Look,” said Zaphod, “we want to eat, we don’t want to make a meal of the issues. Four rare stakes please, and hurry. We haven’t eaten in five hundred and seventy-six thousand million years.”

The animal staggered to its feet. It gave a mellow gurgle. “A very wise choice, sir, if I may say so. Very good,” it said, “I’ll just nip off and shoot myself.” He turned and gave a friendly wink to Arthur. “Don’t worry, sir,” he said, “I’ll be very humane.”

Granted, while the thought of an animal that’s 100% OK with being eaten would be gratefully accepted without question by those who are guilt-stricken by the process in which their meat found its way onto their plate, the opposite reaction should also hold true when that state of mind is applied to people. Or so I would like to think. But when it comes to Cult 45, these future case studies in group psychosis, cannot wait to offer up their throats in an act of selfless defense to delay, if not stop entirely, whatever allegorical blade may threaten their mango-tinted man-child.

The only difference between these sociopathic cultists and the one who followed Jim Jones of the People’s Temple into his Guyanese grave, are their Chinese-made red hats, KKK derived slogan, and a far wider variety of Kool-Ade flavors to eventually spike with cyanide. Make no mistake, these people would have, and still may, very well follow their Fanta Fuhrer into his version of the Berlin bunker, emerging only to see the light of day, when they collectively decide to do their petrol-soaked homage to Joseph Goebbels, as a final encore.

Insane take, you say? Too outlandish, by far, you think? No evidence to support such an absurd claim? Well then, take a gander at some of these comments, collected from one of the numerous Facebook pages that have sprung up during Trump’s tenure as the rapist of American values, if only for enjoying the sheer amount of outright farcical lunacy they contain:-

Sure, these may read as if they were satire, but sadly, they are not. However, they do serve as the perfect yardstick to measure just how many delusional dips**ts walk freely among us, just waiting for the day Donald Trump will descend from Mar-a-Lago once more, via his great big golden escalator, throwing out autographed rolls of paper towels, to the throng of his wretched faithful, drooling in mindless adoration, just below the level of his contemptuous gaze.

Now, if you want to continue exploring further as to just what a gaggle of ignorantly seditious nitwits looks like, then I’d advise you to stop reading this screed for a second or two, and peruse the “Reich N’ Roll” gallery on my website for a few minutes or so, just in case you’ve ever felt the need to be further disappointed by your so-called fellow humans past the point that you already are. This accidental side-project of mine, which honestly started as a joke, has quickly grown into both a side-hustle of sorts, as well as becoming one of my most “popular” galleries as well. And the best part of all of this, is that I had to do literally nothing to both find them, and then, have them engage with me.

Actually, I have to modify that somewhat, as there was some limited effort on my part, to be quite honest. Fortunately, all I had to do was show up on a randomly-chosen conservative social media page, start openly posting common sense, facts, and the best attractant for acquiring hostile Trumpanzees to oneself, Reality. They may hate it, but they really are powerless against its hypnotic pull in regards to their idiocy, glad to say. And man, has it been productive, if not just outright fun overall. Watching these cult members rationalize everything Trump says and does, while knowing they’d crucify Obama (or any Democrat) for doing the same, is hypocrisy-based joy of the highest caliber, and the reservoir of it is literally endless.

I’ve touched on this before in earlier screeds, and I find myself addressing it yet again, because it’s a story-arc that seemingly has no end. Well, as of yet, anyway. So, once more into the breech, as I gather up the loose threads of an earlier blog, where I laid out the so-called thought process of one of Trump’s legion of lying monkeys, and discovered to no one’s surprise at all, that when it comes to the darklands of undiagnosed mental illnesses, Trump’s fan-base will be an economic boon for, and a cornerstone of, the psychoanalytic field for decades to come. As you may recall from the most recent blog,, I previously introduced you to a lovely individual named Mary Cecelia Walker, who, when she’s not busy posting cherry-picked misinformation online, spends an equal amount of her time slavishly doing the same in regards to conspiracy theories, so debunked and hilariously ludicrous, that even Alex Jones might second-guess himself.

[Note that I said “might”, not “would”..]

I highlighted a few of her more inane posts, as well as some outright fabrications, pointed out her ignorant as f**k POV regarding social distancing and mask usage protocols, and left on a high note, because that’s what I do. But now I’m back, and we’re going to address some of her,,, let’s just say, truly unique takes on Reality, and the numerous events that occur within it. To do so, I’ll be directly touching upon three things very near and dear to Mary’s alleged heart; fake news, racist observations, and lastly, her mindless adulation of everybody’s favorite traitor and vile mango-tinted man-child, Donald Trump.

First topic at bat, “Fake News”, both the obsession and favorite slur of our now thankfully disposed Fanta Fascist, which I will happily point out, was not a real thing, until we got a fake President who promoted its dangerous disingenuousness with the same passion he displays when he brags about sexually assaulting women, and how he wants to bang his own daughter.

This term that Trump is fond of tossing out as if it were an African-American tenant, or personal checks to a porn star, is demarcated as “false or misleading information presented as news, whose main adjective is typically, harming the reputation of a person or organized structure, as a means of generating income via advertising revenue.” This particularly specific definition has been further clarified by noted Media scholar Nolan Higdon, who broadened the understood parameters of its existence as “false or misleading content presented as news and communicated in formats spanning spoken, written, printed, electronic, and digital communication.” In essence, a dead-on assessment of FOX, Newsmax, InfoWars, Sinclair Broadcast Group, and especially the most odious of them all, the flaming sewage-pile that calls itself OANN, AKA: One America News Network.

Along those lines, here’s an edited response to a posting of mine where I dared use actual facts to argue / prove that a certain Democratic official who was instrumental in turning Georgia “blue”, was in no actual danger of being convicted for what is at best, a ham-fisted attempt at direct manipulation of public opinion to quash their future political influence. They’ll fail of course, but that doesn’t mean that their false conspiracy baton won’t be handed off to the party faithful, who will carry it as far as they can, regardless of its non-existent accuracy, or the consequences of its fallout, whether it’s cultural, political, or personal:
While this may present as funny, and it certainly is to be sure, the tone-deafness it requires of these members of a Death cult to tell you, and in all seriousness no less, that you’re the one disseminating “fake news”, when their social media pages read as if they’re the pop-up version of the Anarchist Cookbook, is quite possibly, the most unintentionally ironic self-own I’ve read in a while, hands down.

This is not to say that Liberal news sources don’t venture into false territory for the sake of advancing their demographic reach, but even I as a cynic, know who has a far better track record for honesty than these pied pipers of purulence do. But for Mary, postings and memes such as these, are just part of the Gospel of Truth she takes her erroneous cues from. And since I’ve now set those pins up, let’s do a 7-10 split, and take them all down. You know. For fun?

First up, Mary posted this gem of a falsehood right after an incident in which a domestic terrorist wired an RV in downtown Nashville to blow, which pretty much leveled a city block, as seen in the photos diectly underneath it.

And while no one was (Thank Odin) seriously injured, due in no small part to a pre-taped warning broadcast from inside the RV, that clearly warned passersby of the bomb’s presence as it recited a countdown to its eventual detonation, the meme itself presents a concern in regards to its assertion, and it is this:

Now for most people, being proven wrong is not that big a deal, especially when their “proof’ to begin with, was a meme featuring an animated fictional character from a 1970’s kid’s cartoon, but as we’ve already noted from my last screed, Mary is not most people. Not even close. Sticking with the theme of children’s entertainment she obviously enjoys, I would dare suggest she’s more akin to one of those Hungry Hungry Hippo toys, but instead of swallowing marbles, she swallows literal insanity instead:

Keep in mind, that as usual, she provides no proof to back up her fevered idiocy, presents no counter-argument for debate, and no rational validation as to why she so earnestly believes in adding yet another crazy-straw to the already burgeoning pile located right outside what I can only assume, is a she-shed stacked to the rafters with home-made tin-foil chapeau. But as the saying goes, you can’t keep a good (mad)woman down, and in Mary’s case, she’s not ever going to let a little thing like actual Reality dare challenge her deepening affection for that which is truly ludicrous:

Let me try to put this overreach into some form of perspective, if I may: Mark Zuckerberg is to Nazism, what Republicans are to Patriotism. That is to say, one has nothing to do with the other, and I’m fairly certain that I could successfully argue the case that fact-checking postings for accuracy within the confines of a private business platform, is at its worst, still a few steps above openly committing the act of Genocide. I know, I know. I have no definitive proof of this, but let’s just call it a gut feeling, shall we?

I’m not gonna lie here, but I LOVE this statement of pure jackassery- how could you not? If the idiocy inherent within is contextualized properly, it essentially states that in order to avoid the unfounded threat of America transforming into a model of communism, we should all vote for the Mad King who patterns himself after the Communist dictators of old, and who would rule as if he were cosplaying Stalin with a dime-store tan. Yep, that checks out on the side of reality, and it doesn’t sound completely insane… at all.

However, thi particular slice of lunacy presents as completely insane, but when you take into account that Mary posts memes featuring fictional characters as concrete proof of conspiracies, her asinine assertion may be just as simple a case of her honestly confusing Microsoft founder Bill Gates with some random villain she saw in a Bond film, which at its core, is both sad, but also equally hilarious. Not to mention, she obviously doesn’t understand how implanted technology works, despite how often she uses it to embarrass herself.

Sigh… no, they don’t, you ignorant dumb-as-f**k-moron. In fact, NOBODY ON THIS F**KED-UP PLANET SUPPORTS INFANTICIDE. NOBODY. NOT POLITICIANS, NOT DOCTORS. AND MOST CERTAINLY, NOT THE WOMEN WHO CARRIED IT TO TERM, EITHER. I seriously have no clue what the hell is wrong with you, but at this point, the only medication that could be utilized to treat it, would be a mixture of Holy Water, Napalm, and electroshock therapy.

For clarity, let me sate that I don’t, on any level, believe in mob justice or politics as a means of conveying ideas, or institutional change. That being said, I also have no problem with those who decide to actively tear down iconographic totems of treason and inhumanity, as the soon to all be removed Confederate memorials represent. If we don’t have statues of Stalin, Mao Tse-tung, Putin, Mussolini, or Hitler lining our streets and sitting in our parks, so why in the hell should we have such blasphemies dedicated to Robert E. Lee, Bedford Forrest, or Jefferson Davis? The only reason people want to keep these seditious statues is to reinforce the notion that White makes Right, and nothing else.

And if you don’t believe me, try suggesting the erection of a statue of Harriet Tubman or Huey P. Newton in their place, and watch how fast these people drop their “But History needs to be remembered”, excuse by the side of the road, as if it were an unwanted puppy, or the child of their mistress.

As you may have guessed from reading this post, there’s something slightly off about it. Other than the fact that states can’t “pull” the licenses of a major television network, as regulating such falls under the chartered authority of the FCC, the source listed for this bombshell is from… wait for it, a KNOWN SATIRE SITE. Yes, you read that right. She literally took an obvious joke post and reiterated that it was factual, but remember boys and girls- the Democrats are the ignorant sheep here, not Mary, the queen of Little Ho Veep’s brainless flock.

Call me cynical, but I have a very funny feeling that if any portion of this were even remotely true, every major news network across the globe would be all over it, including the so-called Liberal Media, which as has been noted, is only as liberal as the conservative corporations that own them. And considering the source of this “bombshell” is a disgraced and disavowed sexual predator now doing his imaginary news show out of his Mom’s garage, I’m fairly certain we can ignore it, just like FOX willingly did regarding the multiple sexual harassment claims against him.

From the article located at: https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2021/01/21/national/politics-diplomacy/trump-believers-tokyo/ :

“A small group of Japanese fans of Donald Trump took to the streets of Tokyo on Wednesday, shouting support for the outgoing U.S. president hours before his successor Joe Biden was sworn into office. About 120 people joined the march in central Tokyo, with participants waving American and Japanese flags and holding banners claiming Trump was “the true winner” of the Nov. 3 election.”

Now for those of you who actually can do math, 120 is NOT equal to “Thousands”. Just pointing that out. Not so much for you, but for Mary, who’s ability to count seems to just as well-developed as the one she used to find this fallacious factoid.
Considering that 1984 was a perfect template for Trump’s fortunately botched attempted coup of American Democracy, Mary’s usage of it, as yet another meme masquerading as presented proof in lieu of facts, is quite ironic, to say the very least. And not too shockingly, it’s also false. From an article located at: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/orwell-1984-predict-covid/ :

“In late 2020, Snopes readers asked us to look into a series of internet memes and social media posts that presented a quotation from George Orwell’s classic dystopian novel “1984” as being eerily prescient of the “lockdown” restrictions imposed by governments throughout the world during the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic. The quotation, which was in every instance attributed to Orwell and/or “1984,” read as follows: “Everything other than working was forbidden: walking in the streets, having fun, singing, dancing, getting together, everything was forbidden.”

The quotation was not authentic and did not originate in “1984” or anything else written or uttered by Orwell. A search of online versions of the novel does not yield the line included in the memes in 2020, or similar formulations of words. Even if the novel itself were not available to consult, good reason existed to doubt the authenticity of the quotation. For example, we could find no record of the quotation in a newspaper archive that stretches back more than a century, and no record on Twitter or Facebook from before 2020. Given the novel’s considerable cultural impact over the past 71 years, it would be implausible that such a quotable line should supposedly be “discovered” for the first time, in 2020.”

And this is why, boys and girls, that Reading is Fundamental- it keeps you from looking like a complete and total idiot.

I gotta give Mary some begrudging credit here, to be honest. It’s one thing to be individually racist, paranoid, and trans-phobic, but somehow, using only her sense of dim-witted dumbf**kery, and a hysterical example of incompetent Photoshop, she manages to blend it together into a truly rancid mix that proves why certain people holding these fantastical views as gospel, need to be sexually sterilized for the common good, if not their own, but that’s a debate for another time.
In this post of pure prissiness, Mary is incensed that Vice President Mike Pence actually dared to follow the letter of the law, choosing not to be a co-conspirator to Trump’s soon to be enacted treasonous attempt to overturn American democracy. She goes on to claim (without proof, of course) that the duly elected President and VP are “Communists” and that “All ILLEGAL votes are counted!” None of this true, and it’s fairly obvious that Mary, like most conservatives who toss this word round as if it were their self-righteousness, also has no idea what a Communist is, to begin with. Not to mention, there were no “illegal” votes to begin with, because in the end, at least 81M real Americans were sick and f**king tired of Donald J, Trump’s bulls**t.

But there is a bonding moment to be discovered here, believe it or not. Like me, she also despises former AZ Senator Jeff Flake for his spinelessness, except in her case, it’s because he refused to stand in solidarity with her mango man-child, and in mine, because he refused to stand in solidarity against him, until he realized his career in politics was over. And conservatives say there’s no common ground to be found?

Nay, say I.

Moving on, we now find ourselves knee-deep in the favorite litter-box of the Right-wing, that being the fertile field of fecal fallaciousness that is Racism. For those of you new to this Galaxy, the definition of racism is thus: a belief that race is a fundamental determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.”  In the case of Liberals, we know this is a truly inhuman and abhorrent belief system, and knowing such, endeavor to end it’s vile reign of error. However, in the case of modern-day conservatives, they openly (and loudly) insist that it no longer exists, so that they can plead supreme offense when they’re caught red-handed engaging in acts of “it”- you know… the thing that doesn’t exist?

Now to be fair, Mary doesn’t espouse blatantly racist views quite in the manner that Ken Cykala, a previous subject of my literary scrutiny does, but she definitely tiptoes around the racist racetrack every now and then, when the need arises. However, much like Ken, she also allegedly has a huge bone stuck in her craw when it comes to the BLM and Antifa protest movements that have either galvanized or divided the country, depending on the intellectual capacity of the person you find yourself talking to. In Mary’s case, these two are the worst boogeymen to come along since Barrack Obama, and most likely- for the same reason.

That being, they make over-privileged and wholly paranoid, White people like Mary and Ken, very uncomfortable regarding the long-overdue discussion of the African-American experience in this country, And when it comes to their realization that Antifa actually stands for “Anti-fascist”, it’s pretty clear as to why most conservatives are terrified by them, given their ongoing support of one. They’re not actually worried about being the victims of violence, they’re terrified they’ll be held accountable for the abominations of Republican policies and actions that they’ve openly supported for decades now.

That’s it in a “nut” shell. No more. No less.

So, to open up this section of desperately escalating White fear presented as faux social concern, I’ll start with this brain-dead nugget, yet another call to arms which in the end, will go unanswered, because if these jackasses fight half as good as they attempt sedition, all of these companies will have seen record profits by now.

This listing of 279 companies that have decided to stand on the right side of Humanity if not History, has been unceremoniously removed from its initial hosting site, but with a little digging, one can still find it floating around the Web, as I did. As the full tally is far too large to display here in it’s entirety, I’ve taken it upon myself to do the legwork for you, and while the companies run the gamut from Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream to YouTube, rest assured that truly, every one of these companies WANTS YOU DEAD. EVERY SINGLE ONE. NOT SERVICED. NOT HAPPY. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. Because, you know, that’s how companies stay in business- by openly killing off their potential customer base.

My first solid clue? Ben & Jerry’s newest flavor release, “Murder Monkey”, whose label depicts a homicidal primate wearing the infamous Bernie Sanders mittens, as it strangles the GOP elephant to death atop a giant pile of murdered cartoon babies. Those arrogant bastards, thinking that we wouldn’t notice. Well, evil corporate financiers of domestic terrorism, who’s laughing now? Us liberals as usual, because the day I actually have to fear that Pornhub (yep, they’re on the list) is trying to kill me, that’s the moment I will happily check myself into a facility with its very own secured bouncy castle room.

Once again, we see the end result of what happens when one’s intellect is shovel-fed a steady diet of bumper sticker ideology seasoned with racial ignorance. To note, BLM does not “hate” the Police. They just want them to be demilitarized, and trained to handle stressful situations using established de-escalation techniques, rather than deadly force, which is five more times likely to be used against African-Americans, than Whites. Shockingly, it really is that simple. And as for Mary’s staggeringly stupid claim that BLM also hates the firemen and police officers that lost their lives on 9/11, I will only say this- if your head gets any further up your own ass Mary, you’ll be using your belly button as an observation window.

Oh look everybody- the elderly White woman has arrived to tell those way too loud and overly uppity African-Americans what to do regarding their own protest movement, so let us all pay rapt attention to her Ivory tower-launched advice. I might suggest that Mary herself go and talk to the African -American community and learn about the movement from its members, rather than the voices in her head, but we all know she would never do that, because it would take far too much time and energy that she could use to maintain her crusade of ignorance. For clarity, BLM is NOT a community-based charity or assistance organization. It is, as clearly stated in its publicly accessible mission statement, as:

A global organization in the US, UK, and Canada, whose mission is to eradicate white supremacy and build local power to intervene in violence inflicted on Black communities by the state and vigilantes. By combating and countering acts of violence, creating space for Black imagination and innovation, and centering Black joy, we are winning immediate improvements in our lives.

We are expansive. We are a collective of liberators who believe in an inclusive and spacious movement. We also believe that in order to win and bring as many people with us along the way, we must move beyond the narrow nationalism that is all too prevalent in Black communities. We must ensure we are building a movement that brings all of us to the front.

We affirm the lives of Black queer and trans folks, disabled folks, undocumented folks, folks with records, women, and all Black lives along the gender spectrum. Our network centers those who have been marginalized within Black liberation movements. We are working for a world where Black lives are no longer systematically targeted for demise.

We affirm our humanity, our contributions to this society, and our resilience in the face of deadly oppression. The call for Black lives to matter is a rallying cry for ALL Black lives striving for liberation.”

But don’t try to tell Mary any of this. Because not only will she not understand what it actually means, she really doesn’t want to in the end, as losing her fear and gaining wisdom, would really screw up her Boogeyman Bingo game-card.

Now, here’s something candidly refreshing- a crime statistics meme lifted from QAnon, that most non-biased of all the political ideologies, sourced from the Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Crime Victimization Survey. Cherry-picked by our insipid intellectual Mary as a means to justify her embrace of sugared racism, there’s a few things I’d like to point out here. First, there’s no graph position for White-on-White crime, and you’ll notice that the one for African-Americans immediately infers that by definition, they are far more violent than Whites, which if analyzed, is simply not accurate.

A side note- when I was writing about the aforemen6ioned Ken, I touched upon this very subject, as he was fond of posting cherry-picked and entirely false race-based crime stats, in relation to justifying his inherent bigotry. When I did the research to see if he was even remotely close to being accurate, not only was he [to no one’s surprise] off, he was off by miles. The exchange of factual versus entirely bogus numbers unfurled like this:


AB: Try 7.6%. But to be fair, the cops are doing a better job of it than you guys, as of late. And to be fair, you people have been more preoccupied going after immigrants, so I can understand why you’re a tad bit behind your projected numbers these days.


AB: The available data suggests that it’s closer to 9%, but African-Americans also face a fatality rate 2.8 times higher than Whites. Even more disturbing is the statistic that Black victims were more likely to be unarmed (14.8%) than Whites, (9.4%) which sort of bolsters the widely held public opinion that cops are more than happy to shoot first, and ask questions later, when it comes to their inter-racial encounters with the African-American citizenry of this country.


AB: Oh look- finally a category where Whites finally bring their “A” game, as the rate here is 14%. Way to go Caucasians! You’re making us all very proud. And doing the world a favor, by self-removing yourself from an increasingly stagnating gene pool.


AB: The average is 82.4%, actually. That seems pretty high for a bunch of people who supposedly set the standard for following Law & Order, mayonnaise-boy, but I digress. So sorry to see your narrative of Whites being slaughtered by Blacks going out the proverbial window, but that’s the way the racist vanilla wafer crumbles, I guess.


AB: It’s closer to 14.8 percent, but as we’ve seen, your bigotry impairs your ability to do the merest of research, so we’ll give you a pass. Kind of like how your kindergarten class did when you failed naptime, but on the upside, you did excel at eating paste.


AB: Sadly, it’s 90% to be honest. And while with this one Ken did get close, it’s still seven points off his claim, and only 7.6% higher than White on White rates, a fact I’m sure Ken will ignore in favor of his having a case of the vapors at the thought an African-American family might move in next door, and start doing White people stuff without his permission.

And to add to the growing pile of corrected data, here’s another graph showing crime rates clearly defined by race:
Now, while it’s clear that African-Americans appear to be slightly above Whites, they are running almost neck and neck. And let us also not forget that your average White community is rarely prone to suffering the far-ranging social concerns that your typical lower-income minority neighborhood does. Issues such as racial profiling, inequality in relation to sentencing, job scarcity, drug-related crime, economic and educational disadvantages, and the almost criminal under-representation regarding people of color in their local, state, and Federal government.

And yes, these factors should be taken into consideration when issuing these types of asinine blanket statements, but what do I know? I’m just a guy who’s brain actually works, and therefore, I question anything that fits my personal biases as if they were tailor-made for each other. Better to be informed and safe, than wrong and sorry.

In this exchange, Mary combines her anti-masking paranoia and Islamophobia into one bitter little smoothie, and chugs it as if she were Bluto Blutarsky from Animal House, playing a round robin of Beer Pong. And while we know that it wasn’t the Germans who bombed Pearl Harbor…

We still love you anyway.

Isn’t it amazing how much “proof” of pre-ordained nefariousness these unamerican jackasses have managed to unearth regarding their specific delusions as of late? Sure, most of it turns out to be selectively edited, or outright fabricated in the end, but I’m sure that couldn’t possibly apply here, right? So, let’s see…  let’s Google the “author” of this piece, an individual who goes by the name of Tony Carpo, to see just exactly who and what he is. And when I do, what comes up? Well, this slice of blankness:
One reference. Only one. And strangely, no other info regarding this widely distributed posting that’s been seen popping up all over Right-wing media as if it were two rabbits that have been left alone inside a locked closet. Weird, that. It’s almost as if this “Tony Carpo” person doesn’t exist at all. And if it isn’t to be found on Google, it may as well never have. And I say this as the man who easily discovered all those topless pictures of Whitesnake’s femme fatale actress Tawny Kitaen when she starred in 1984’s Grade-Z film, “The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak”, a cinematic gem that nobody I’ve ever mentioned it to, has ever admitted watching or owning a DVD copy of. And for the life of me, I can’t imagine why that is.
Oh wait. Never mind. It’s coming back to me now.

The ironic hypocrisy inherent here is that the very same “American Patriots” who slur their numerous detractors as “Soy Boys”, “Cucks”, and rally around the battle-cry of “Snowflakes”, are the ones most likely to be found jumping out of their thin-skinned hides at the mere mentioning of: legalized abortion, affirmative action, Antifa, atheists, BLM, African-Americans, Mexicans, civil rights, environmentalists, science, equality, facts, immigrants, the LGBTQ community, gun control, the Free Press, reading, Black History Month, climate change, systemic racism, green energy, misogyny, rape culture, defunding the police,  all non-Christian religions, women, the thought of Democracy working as it should, and oh yes, the Starbucks annual Christmas cup.

But to be fair to Trump’s cadre of walking sausage wallets, that list was just compiled off the top of my head, so it’s far from being complete. But since there’s always room for more items, let’s peruse this gem of hatred germinating genius that occurred over a year ago:

I’ve said it before, and I know I will have to sadly say it again, but seriously- how does this dumb b**ch of near Biblical density, not gravely injure herself every time she makes toast? Some background for this click-bait disingenuously disguised as a news story- the idea of Antifa and assorted Muslim groups working in tandem to “Police Minneapolis” wasn’t anything that they themselves openly discussed, or even privately floated among their respective members. Nope, this absurdly paranoiac masturbatory fantasy was put forth into the public eye by a 61-year-old White Republican (naturally) State Representative, who most likely, believes you could kill those of the Muslim faith simply by throwing pork rinds at them.

In June 2020, at a meeting of Minnesota’s Hubbard County Board, of which the initial focus was originally to discuss the disbursement of federal pandemic aid, Minnesota lawmaker Rep. Steve Green (R) allegedly in reaction to the raised question of whether there was an alternative public safety plan, was quoted by the Park Rapids Enterprise as saying that Antifa and Muslim organizations planned to “police Minneapolis under Muslim rule,”, as well as “What you’re looking at, in my humble opinion, is communism moving into Minneapolis and St. Paul,”  and that the state’s Democratic attorney general would like to “close down all of northern Minnesota.”

The vileness of these farcical statements was fomented by dialogue regarding the defunding of police after the murder of George Floyd, who died while in police custody, due to an officer placing his knee on his neck, despite Floyd already being handcuffed, and posing no obvious threat. Green went on to claim (falsely) that specific representatives had drafted a bill that would impose eminent domain on every business destroyed during the Floyd protests, and would “only sell back to people under conditions” imposed by the city.

Granted, while these comments from one of the dullest of the tools in Minnesota’s metaphorical workshop are as ignorantly uninformed as f**k, even I have to begrudgingly admit, I would watch the hell out of the action-adventure movie starring Rami Malek that they would eventually make out of the novelization of it. Sure, I find it pathetically sad that Mary and her ilk are this fearful of everything around them that isn’t based in WASP ideology, but I also have to appreciate how entertaining it will be when Mary finally cracks-up, and starts seeing Antifa and BLM hiding in her underwear drawer. At that point kids, we might have to take away her car keys, and anything even remotely close to falling under the definition of “stabby”.

Heading into the Home stretch, we finally come to the one thing that gives Mary’s life purpose. Is it her sense of religious faith? No, it is not. Is it her love for her family and friends? Wrong again, I’m afraid. Certainly, it must be her intent to make the world a far kinder and better place than it is now. Given her need to continuously reinforce her paranoia and distrust of the World of the Real, I’d opine it is not. Failing all that, I seriously have no idea what it could possibly be, unless I put up several disparaging theories for dissection.

So, to come to some form of conclusive agreement, let’s tick the boxes off the “what is essential to a conservative’s life” checklist, shall we? Paranoia? Check. Unfounded conspiracy theories? Check. Racist views and opinions? Check. Unbridled self-righteousness? Check. Slavishly blind and unquestionable devotion to a corruptly treasonous demagogue who wouldn’t condescend to pi**on his followers if they were on fire, and who encouraged them to commit an abominable act of Sedition? Motherf**kin’ check, and mate.

Like the majority of Trump’s bloviating base, Mary swallows without question, whatever the new GQP cabal decrees as fact for its faithful. To note, this includes the following: Democrats murder newly-born babies, are in league with China, masks are a form of societal control, and not a health  measure, Dems run the machinery of the Deep State, the 2020 election was “stolen”, Joe Biden is the real sexual predator, not the self-confessed mango man-child who was caught on a hot mic bragging about it, and while Hillary still needs to go to prison for life for a series of bogus charges she was eventually acquitted of, Trump, who attempted to overthrow Democracy, should not only not charged for his act of death-penalty-worthy sedition, he should also be allowed to run for the office whose values and integrity he so willingly defiled, once again in 2024.

It’s a shame I couldn’t find an ethical way to monetize this much stupid, because if I had, I’m fairly confident I’d literally die as a Trillionaire, given the well of twattery existent within the USA right now. Folie à deux (French for “madness for two”), also known respectively, as either shared psychosis, or shared delusional disorder (SDD), is a psychiatric syndrome in which symptoms of a delusional belief, and sometimes hallucinations, are transmitted from one individual to another. And quite honestly, I cannot think of a better descriptive for what has occurred under Trump’s reign of error, and what puzzlingly, still continues, to this present moment in time.  

As to be expected, and as previously mentioned, conspiracies theories are a cornerstone of this syndrome, and Mary apparently, believes in all that she can post. Take this fine example, for instance:

Not only is this a prime example of selective gaslighting, it’s also transparently obvious that it is designed to be such. So, to clear the air as it were, I’ll correct the blatant misinformation here, one lie at a time, in order of its appearance:


AB: If it was posted on your page, Mary? It’s probably best not to, That is, if I still want my friends, family, and total strangers, not to think that I’m a goddamn idiot.

AB: Yet another unfounded conspiracy theory hoping to tar and feather Hillary Clinton, it alleges that she single-handedly officiated the sale of American uranium to Russia, in exchange for a large donation to the Clinton Foundation. Unfortunately for the Repubutards pushing this retreaded rhetoric, nobody “got “away” with anything, because no crime on any level was committed. Even Fox News’s Shep Smith has openly debunked this fairy tale, based on the easily obtained evidence that key details were cherry-picked, in order to lend plausibility to the false construct that Clinton gave Russia a sizeable percentage of America’s uranium stores.

When pressed for proof of said “conspiracy” Rep. Louie “Goober” Gohmert (R-TX), of whom it might be charitably described as possessing a family tree that resembles a wreath, showed us all just how insane the GQP has allowed itself to become, when he happily offered this flow chart to Congress as “proof” of an insidiousness of that which had not actually occurred at all.

Jesus Freaking Christ. This resembles either the plot-lines of the last two X-Men movies, but with far less grounded reality, or my sex life during my mid-twenties with dead-on accuracy. Here’s the simplest run-down of what actually happened, free of the moorings of Republican lunacy:

Russia, using the conduit of its State-owned concern Rosatom, purchased the Canadian-held company Uranium One, which at the time, controlled 20% of the US’s volume for producing Uranium. The sale was approved by numerous governmental entities, including Utah’s Nuclear regulator, the US Nuclear Regulatory Commission, and The Committee on Foreign Investment in the United States (CFIUS), which is “an interagency committee authorized to review certain transactions involving foreign investment in the United States and certain real estate transactions by foreign persons, in order to determine the effect of such transactions on the national security of the United States.

And with all due respect, one person, no matter who, is going to have the sway required to influence an amalgamation of such a consortium. Not to mention, that in her role as Secretary of State, while she was responsible for heading an agency involved in the approval process, in the end, Clinton had very little input as to the final decision. The reality being, that in all likelihood, it was a lower-level subordinate overseeing the particulars of the final verdict.

And as to the specifics of the alleged to be controversial donation to the Clinton Foundation, the patron most responsible, the Canadian businessman, mining financier and global philanthropist, Frank Giustra, saw no benefit from said sale, having sold his investment in Uranium One THREE YEARS before the finalized agreement, and more than a year before Clinton was even appointed to serve as Secretary of State. And all of this information by the way, took me less than six minutes to research.

A time-span I might note, which is probably five minutes and fifty-nine seconds longer than Mary needed to obediently believe it.

AB: Both Clinton and the White House were cleared in relation to the unsupported charges, and by the HOUSE REPUBLICANS, no less. I’m sure Mary in all honesty, forgot about that minor little detail. And one more thing? If you cared about the four Americans murdered in Benghazi where no evidence of a definable crime has ever been discovered, but share no concerns regarding the five who died during the Capitol riot, where evidence of multiple crimes was being live-streamed over multiple media platforms, then please take your hypocrisy, and shove it sideways, ASAP.

AB: On the surface, the story is this:  Solyndra was a manufacturer of thin film solar cells based in Fremont, California. Initially, the company was lauded for its unique technological approach, which led to the company securing a $535 million loan through the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, which is intended to provide loan guarantee authority geared towards building the economic base for green energy development. However, foundational cracks began to form when it was later discovered during a subsequent governmental investigation that Solyndra had engaged in a “pattern of false and misleading assertions”, in which the company asserted during the loan approval process, that its sales were quite strong, despite the fact that they were not.

The company was forced to file for bankruptcy two years later, when due to the unforeseen occurrence of silicon prices dropping, it found itself in the unenviable position of being unable to successfully compete with other companies who were manufacturing their solar panels out of the now far cheaper raw material. The fallout whereas the Obama administration happens to be concerned, is that when warned that financial disaster might lie ahead, the administration persisted unwaveringly in voicing its support for Solyndra.

After the failure of Solyndra, an official report was released, determining that; “Employees acknowledged that they felt tremendous pressure, in general, to process loan guarantee applications They suggested the pressure was based on the significant interest in the program from Department leadership, the Administration, Congress, and the applicants.”

If anything, this series of events reads more like an administration wanting to get an initiative launched in good faith, and due to both the high-stake political consequences if it failed to do so, and quite clearly placing said faith in the wrong people, tried to run the ball far past the point it should have when all started going pear-shaped. When I look at it, it’s not too dissimilar to how I once truly believed, nay advocated, that Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was going to be the summer blockbuster of 2008- this, before I sadly discovered that Spielberg had phoned it in from ET’s home world. The only difference being that my mistake cost me fifteen bucks, and not the going rate for settling defamation lawsuits by Dominion voting machines.

AB: Actually, I think the USA spying on its own citizens is bogus too, so I’m right there with you Mary, I will however, add one caveat, though- the program was launched in 2007, under the… wait for it, BUSH administration, so once again, you can thank Republicans for taking yet another bite out of the ol” Constitution in regards to our personal freedoms.


AB: Once again, not entirely accurate, Mary of MAGAdumb. A program comparable to Fast and Furious was spearheaded by the Bush administration in 2006 and 2007. Called Operation Wide Receiver, its mission was to track sales of weapons that were deemed “suspicious”. It did this by permitting said sales to advance, even when there was probable cause to believe the transactions were illegal in their scope. The ATF term for this, is referred to as “gun walking.” Both programs, which were overseen by the Phoenix Field Division of the ATF, were criticized for their “risk to public safety was immediately evident in both investigations,” as determined in a report by the inspector general. So to say that Obama’s program was something that “they” got away with, while ignoring its Republican genesis, is at best, fairly disingenuous.

AB: This debunked conspiracy theory stems from the revelation that in 2013, conservative groups seeking tax-exempt status which had “tea party” or “patriots” in their name, had been subjected to above average examination regarding the exclusions they were attempting to obtain. Despite the charges Conservatives leveled claiming that a double standard in regards to Progressive groups applying for the same existed, the allegations turned out to be unfounded in the end, as The Treasury inspector general for tax administration, or TIGTA, soon discovered.

Compiling a report at the request of a bipartisan group pf senators, TIGTA found that the IRS had targeted not only conservative groups, but numerous liberal groups as well, that just so happened to have “progressive” in their names. “The far right has been beating a drum for years now that there was a partisan attack on them,” stated Democratic Senator Ron Wyden of Oregon, who was one pf the aforementioned bipartisan coalition, He added that the new report shows “that’s just not true.” Once again, Truth gets sacrificed to the Great God of Conservative Victimhood, and our Mary is more than happy to spread the Gospel according to Liars.

AB: This narrative, comprised of a fever-dream fueled by Adderall addiction, claims that with the complicit assistance of Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, Barack Obama give an “enemy of the U.S.” (Iran) $150 billion in cash. As with most Republican-emanating “scandals”, this fanciful tale falls flat once light is shone upon it, as in truth, Iran was never given a $150 billion liquid cash payment. As an alternative, billions of dollars’ worth of Iranian assets were unfrozen as a result of Iran agreeing to the terms of a nuclear agreement, formally known as the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action.

In essence, Iran gained access to assets that were already theirs, and which had been “frozen” in various financial institutions around the world, due to sanctions levied in an effort to place restraints upon Iran’s nuclear program So, to sum up: the claim that Iran received $150 billion in cash is patently untrue, and what they did obtain, was not financed by the taxpayers of America, either. And as an aside, the $150 billion figure bandied about was no more than an estimate at best. However, in a brain-dead move born of petulance and ignorance, so-called President Trump announced on May 8th of 2018, that he was pulling the U.S. out of the nuclear deal with Iran, which had been in the works over the course of two years, which effectively ended American oversight of the Iran’s reasonably feared nuclear development.

But sure Mary… blame the Democrats.

AB: Man, Republicans should really start thinking about writing serialized fiction, since they do it so much. Granted, their plot-lines are unbelievable, but remember boys and girls, this is also the country that supported the production of no less than five “Twilight” movies, so anything is possible, I guess. So, what are America’s most embarrassing relatives claiming happened this time? Well, it’s a doozy, as supposedly, in 1994, Bill Clinton gave North Korea (NK) $5 billion, along with two nuclear reactors, fundamentally giving them the capability to produce and stockpile, their own nuclear arsenal.

Do I really have to tell you at this point, this latest outrage is as fake as Ted Cruz’s manhood?
I do? Sigh… fine. I’ll do it. But I’m going to be really cranky about it as I do.

Surprisingly, here is a grain of truth at the heart of this debunked dipsh**tery, that being, Clinton did broker a deal with North Korea, as the country was building a dispensation facility to produce possibly weapons-grade plutonium.  A goal it reached after processing spent fuel, that it had gleaned from a defunct reactor built while Clinton was governor of Arkansas. Complicating the issue was the fact that North Korea had banned international inspections in its country in 1993, after issuing a decree that it would be pulling out of an international agreement, known as the Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons, of which, NK had been part of since 1985.

In October of 1994, Clinton settled on a deal with Kim Jong Il, who assumed leadership of NK, upon the death of hos father, Kim Il Sun, earlier in July. The terms of the deal were that the United States would help the country build two so-called “light-water” nuclear reactors, solely for the peaceful purpose of assisting NK’s energy demand. In order for the deal to be successfully enacted, NK would have to cease operation of its then-current reactor, stop ongoing construction of two other dubious reactors they said were to provide energy, halt its plans to produce nuclear weapons, submit to international inspections, and in an extremely crucial caveat, NK would have to voluntarily surrender its cache of spent nuclear fuel, once the new reactors were constructed.

In theory, the light-water reactors would make it harder for NK to produce weapons-grade material. The cost of said reactors, was estimated to be around 4B, and would be financed by an international coalition comprised of South Korea, Japan, and possibly Germany, Russia and the United States. This accord, which did not require congressional approval, was denoted as the Agreed Framework. At the time, Clinton hailed it as a conduit, for the easing of in-place sanctions and the opening of diplomatic agreement:

“This agreement will help achieve a longstanding and vital American objective- an end to the threat of nuclear proliferation on the Korean Peninsula,”

However, after George W. Bus was sworn in, the deal started falling to pieces. The US ceased its deliveries of fuel, as NK openly protested that the agreed upon reactors had never been built in the first place. And after the tragic events of September 11th unfolded, it became obvious that the metaphorical center would not hold, as US diplomacy found itself redirected.

Relations became even more provocatively strained between the two countries, after NK was labeled as one of three countries noted in Bush’s 2002 State of the Union Speech as an “Axis of Evil”. In reaction, NK opted out of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, eventually conducting its first nuclear test in 2006, which by all accounts, may have spectacularly failed, by the grace of mythical God. In conclusion, Clinton did not “give” NK nukes, although in hindsight, his optimism that they would willingly honor an agreement requiring them to stand down their relentless march toward being a key nuclear power, ow seems incredibly naïve.

AB: Once again, Mary is wrong and at this point-,just really needs to have her internet access taken away, just as she should be, and that, right soon. Preferably to the place that I mentioned earlier, that could provide her a forced medicated berth in a private and secured bouncy castle room. Unlike NK, Iran never had nuclear weapons, as the 2015 nuclear accord it had entered into  with the United States and several other countries, had severely limited its attempts to secure a seat at the nuclear players table.

The deal, brokered by the Obama administration, also required that Iran cease its attempts to enrich its stores of uranium, along with a forced redesign of a reactor under construction that had the potential to aid in nuclear weapon production. In addition to these immutable conditions, Iran would relinquish 14K of its known 20k centrifuges, which are used to enrich uranium, and vowed that future uranium enrichment would not be utilized for weapon development for at least a decade. If Iran broke any of these promises. It would be faced with swift retribution on the form of international sanctions if it dared test these limitations.

So no, Mary… we, as in the Obama administration, did not “give them nukes”.  But thanks to the US pulling out of the nuclear deal with Iran, we lost the ability to hold their feet to the fire as needed, so we may just as well have in the end. However, that flaw in leadership is wholly on your mango man-child, and not Obama, no matter how much you’d like it to be.

AB: 64 court case in a row lost confirmed that was no credible evidence of voter fraud. Multiple recounts in contested states validated the election results. The Electoral College ratified it. Our Congress, despite an attempted coup, certified it. In short- HE F**KING LOST, And as you people were so fond of saying:

“F**k your feelings, Snowflake. Deal with it.”

AB: Considering Trump and the daughter that he lusts after, Ivanka, both committed the same breach of protocol numerous times without consequence, I’ll just ignore this topic altogether, as I see no need to beat a dead horse into dust, as the GQP is apt to do. But I will point out that Hillary ay least, had the stones to face Congress for 11 hours, whereas Trump can only face his critics if he’s twittering behind his unsecured phone.

AB:I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to live in a world so fearful and alien to the human experience, that one would feel the need to manifest your paranoia into unsubstantiated charges of being unjustly persecuted by the entities of formless shadows. Herr Twitler by way of example,  was quite fond of falsely claiming that his predecessor, President Barack Obama,  had ordered the FBI to illegally “spy” on Donald Trump’s campaign to win the presidency in 2016.

As usual, the facts centered around this claim have been selectively cherry-picked under the glow of a deliberate gaslight, in order for Trump to market his mendacious martyrdom to his ignorant mass of morons, such as Mary. The truth however, may be far more disturbing, given the events of January 6th, and Trump’s unwillingness to challenge Russia or its leadership on any level, notwithstanding the credible evidence of attempts to influence our elections, and placing bounties on our soldier’s heads.

The covert surveillance, which was cleared by the courts, centered on a former Trump adviser named Carter Page, after the FBI became interested in the Trump campaign’s way-too-cozy relationship with Russian operatives, which, if one was forced to be diplomatic- were sketchy at best, And if you need proof of this, just recall Don Jr, changing his story multiple times, in regard to his meetings with prominent Russians, one of whom it was eventually revealed, was indeed, a KGB operative. Nothing to see here folks, right?

Never mind the fact that his two cosplaying Beavis and Butthead sons gave media interviews where they talked openly about how much money they received from Russian banks, or the fact that Trump himself once stated in 2013 on the Larry King show that he thought that Putin had done “a really great job outsmarting our country”. Then there was also this particular gem in reference to the dictator that our spray-tanned boiled ham wishes he could be: “Russia will have much greater respect for our country when I am leading it than when other people have led it,”

The only thing Putin has ever respected about Donald Trump is his ability to lick the boots of dictators, and his alleged fondness for underage girls, and that’s it. But remember- Donnie is the real victim of unwarranted persecution here, as always. However, as to where his narcissistic narrative is concerned, his claims, like most of what he says, don’t hold up under scrutiny. There is zero evidence showing that Obama abused his authority, or directed how the FBI observed the machinations of the Trump campaign,

So, once again Mary? Please shut the f**k up, because you’re a goddamn cultist, and the depth of your stupidity, is seemingly bottomless:

AB: Damn. That’s a serious threat… or it would be if it were even remotely close to being f**king true, which it is not, One day, I’m going to introduce my good friend Mary to this internet resource called “Google”, and pray that they hookup for good, as it would be nice if she could manage to go five whole minutes without embarrassing herself.

The first clue that this is false, is the fact that that despite being having the date when the alleged quote was uttered, there is no further context regarding as to where Harris supposedly stated it in the first place. A deep-dive of Google reveals that the “quote” originated from a sardonic website that goes by the moniker, bustatroll.org., and was mentioned in a perceptibly satirical article titled “Kamala Harris: ‘After We Impeach, We Round Up the Trump Supporters’” that had been posted on their site.  I’d like to point out that this is not the first time Mary has blindly posted obvious satire on her page, [as I noted during the “fake news” section of this blog] and Odin knows, given her prideful ignorance, it won’t be the last.
AB: I’m highly suspicious pf this statement, given my belief that if Mary has a personal library, it’s comprised mostly of flash cards and pop-up books. And what’s with the phonetic spelling of “de struct tion” as if you’re *Latka Gravis? I know understanding reality is beyond your grasp, but English is literally your Mother-tongue, so what the hell? And while the CCP reference is ironic, given Trump’s track record of allegiance to China, it’s also laughably hypocritical in the end, at best. But you are definitely right on the money (this time) about there being a lot of uneducated people. It’s just so sadly hilarious that you unknowingly happen to be one of them.
*[Latka Gravas is a fictional sweet-natured and lovable-but-goofy mechanic on the TV sitcom Taxi, and was portrayed by the late Andy Kaufman.]
AB: Hell yeah, they did! And so did a variety of other social media platforms as well. Bizarrely, a wide swath of people don’t generally like it when you openly betray your own country, and then advocate for others to do so as well, especially when you’re the so-called leader of it to begin with. Weird, that. But don’t you fret, you’ll always have the memories of all those Nuremberg-style rallies to sustain you through those dark days ahead as  your seditious movement becomes even more politically irrelevant.

AB: Yeah. Nobody who’s sense of Patriotism still works correctly, honestly gives a f**k what you think about the prosecution of a traitor, considering that you and your ilk should be sitting in the dock next to him, as complicit enablers. And in a truly just world… you would be. And who truly knows? Maybe you still will.

Well, the question this poses is one hell of a metaphorical Gordian Knot, isn’t it? Who to trust in relation to the suggestion that the United States Military intervene with the electoral process taking place within a democratic society, is most definitely one heck of a pickled Pandora’s Box, let me tell you. Should I go with the men of honor, who between them, have decades of hard-won experience and overly-honed critical thinking skills, or should I trust the bats**t crazy judgement of a mango-tinted man-child who thinks windmill noise causes cancer, stares directly into a solar eclipse, and honestly believes that he couldn’t have lost the election, because the voices in his head told him so? 

I honestly have no idea who I should listen to here, but my gut tells me that maybe I should go with the actual military commanders, instead of the guy who consistently tweets that he could be one, from atop a gilded toilet. And as an aside, I’d also point out that as a democratic and free Nation, such an action is more reminiscent of a Banana Republic, due to its blatant illegality and all, than America itself. Which is probably why Mary’s cool with it, being an ardent supporter of seditious leaders and all. But only of course, if her guy is the one that gets the prime slot.

Can you all excuse me for a moment? (Turns off laptop, looks around, takes deep breath, and… wahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Turns laptop back on.)

Sorry, I needed that. So, let me get this straight- the guy who claims the Bible is his “favorite book”, yet can’t quote one single thing from it, who never goes to church, unless he can pose outside a burned-down one while holding its owners’ manual, that he’s never read, and who practices misogyny, bigotry, narcissism, sexual assault, sloth, greed, pettiness, lust, wrath, gluttony, and envy as he consistently bears false witness, after raw-dogging a porn star as he cheats on wife number three, and who infamously, once said that he doesn’t regret his decision not to ask God for forgiveness for his sins, because, and I quote the penitent man himself:

“I have great relationship with God. I have great relationship with the Evangelicals, I like to be good. I don’t like to have to ask for forgiveness. And I am good. I don’t do a lot of things that are bad. I try to do nothing that is bad.”

And this arrogant son-of-a-bitch who’s breaks almost every one of the Ten Commandments on an hourly basis, is now “listening” to the one true God?

Now, this is just sad.
Normally, I’m all for not losing friends over politics, as I have several of them who are quite entrenched in non-crazy conservative land, (Yes, such a place still exists) but even I will draw the line when I start noticing that their casual wardrobe contains far too many pairs of gasoline-scented khakis, that they always seem to be carrying way more tiki-torches in their car, than is required for an impromptu parking-lot luau, and if they keep complaining about how the “Juden” run everything? That’s definitely the time for them to go, post haste.

But in Mary’s case, I get the feeling that the act of culling her friends list is almost a process independent of her, as there’s no way this noxious nitwit has ever had friends who are on the right side of Humanity, if not History, right from the get-go. However, the fact that she willingly retains  one friend who’s named themselves “Eddiespagetti Truthranger” is, in my humble opinion, definitely worth the price of her spending all that time inside the world’s densest combination of echo chamber and safe space.  

And as for longer being in “teaching mode”, Mary? Trust me… you’re teaching us a lot more than you could ever possibly know.

Oh, the explanation for this post is something I’ve been enjoying for quite some time now, but before I tell you why, let me tell you what its root cause is, and that would be what every noble conservative on Facebook truly hates and fears, as it is also the one thing that by itself, keeps them up at night, cowering as they curse pointlessly, bathed in the eldritch glow cast by their mom’s borrowed cellphone screen. What is this scourge that conservatives talk about, albeit in hushed tones, as they hide in the shadows of the Internet?

Fact-checkers. Or as Cult 45 calls them, “the censors”. They have several other names for them of course, but as I try to be polite, I won’t list any of them here. As is to be expected, there are the inevitable comparisons to the NAZI’s of course, but that assessment has to be called into serious question when it comes from the very same persons who believed it was perfectly acceptable to be part of a cult of personality, who fly a flag of treason next to their bastardized version of our American one. This, as they rioted futilely, in a desperate bid to commit an act of sedition:
This is not to declare outright or subtly imply, that all Trump supporters are NAZI’s, but all NAZI’s are most definitely Trump supporters. Just saying. The literal definition of fact-checking is “the act of confirming the truth of (an assertion made in speech or writing), often as part of the research or editorial process.”

For most of us, that’s a pretty cut and dried valuation, no? But for the dimwitted deplorables that comprise the fan-base that is Trump’s seditionist servile, it’s not so simple a solution. In their eyes, they’re being unjustly targeted, and outright banned from various social media platforms for telling the truth, even though I can easily attest, that I get unwillingly observed 3-day vacations just as much as they do. Even when non-partisan-based research proves that they’re wrong, they refuse to accept it at face value, and fight against the reality, as if they were being viciously mugged by random members of the Wu-Tang Clan.

And do you honestly think you can reach a person who’s so entrenched in their idiocy, that they’d feel perfectly comfortable wearing this in public, using an intellectual argument?

To be fair, it’s not really that shocking that a bunch of gullible schmucks who mainline conspiracy theories with the same casual frequency that Motley Crue’s Nikki Sixx once did Heroin, would feel this way, but c’mon- how many times does somebody need to be proven wrong, before even they have to admit to themselves that maybe, just maybe, they might have picked the wrong banner to fight to the metaphorical death under?

For some people, that answer is “never”, as evidenced by the morons who are still walking around claiming that Donald Trump is legally still the President, and who openly state that no evidence presented to them, regardless of what it is, or where it comes from, will ever change that steadfast conviction of Faith in a man who possesses not a single trace of it..

Let that sink in for a minute. No matter what evidence is presented, they’ll ignore it in favor of their alternate reality, and I am sad to say, that’s not how the Universe works- if it did, I’d finally achieve that threesome with Milla Jovovich and Angeline Jolie, taking place in that Jacuzzi full of Cool Whip, that I’ve had on the drawing board and playing on an endless loop in my head, for the last 15 years.

Therein lies the rub- for all of their talk and rampant posturing regarding how much they want to be exposed to the “truth”, these cultists react to the purest examples of it, very much in the same way that Superman would react to Lois Lane, if she requested he wear a Kryptonite condom on their wedding night. The reason for this disconnection from rationality is quite easy to explain, if one looks at where most of these purposefully ignored minority of the conservative sub-set hail from, that being the purgatory that exists somewhere between their being openly mocked, and deliberately avoided, whenever possible.

Pre-Trump, these disciples of all things extremist and asinine, were easily dismissed with no more than a steely glare, an over-dramatic eye-roll, or in the most severe cases, an official complaint to one’s HR department. But come the 2016 election, the commonest of the rabble found themselves emboldened by their new champion, a man devoid of humanity, compassion, tact, intelligence and class, who espoused whatever bats**t crazy lie came into his head at the time, and they loved him for what he represented. Not fresh ideas and policies, for he had none to speak of, and not for the promise of a new era of American prosperity and influence, either.

No, what they loved, and still do I might add, are his dog-whistles, his racism, his misogyny, his disdain for intelligence, honor, truth, and compassion, his xenophobia, his bigotry, his sense of faux Christianity, his gas-lighting, and his blatantly blinding hatred for the same people they hate as well, Namely, those who are better educated, more successful, open-minded, compassionate, literate, questioning, and whom actually live their Faith, not the tainted version offered up by the modern-day Conservative movement. And emboldened by such, along with his rhetoric, they came out from under their rocks, as if they were vampires emerging into an eternal night.

To their dismay however, when they did claw their way up and out, not only were they unable to go all the way with their plans to turn America into a Banana Republic version of Salem’s Lot, they found that the majority of its citizens were clad in shimmering Silver, armed with Holy-Water-loaded Supersoakers, and the halls of its most hallowed institutions had Glade garlic scented air fresheners plugged-in every five feet. Undaunted, they screamed at the night sky, only to find to their slowly dawning horror that the eternal night OAN predicted, was just a particularly dark and overcast day, and as the rays of the Sun broke through, found themselves either forced back under those very same rocks, or mewling online that Facebook was biased against the Undead. 

I’m obviously kidding of course, as we all know that these morons don’t have a clue, much less a plan, as the debacle on January 6th clearly indicated beyond a shadow of a doubt. Speaking of which, this leads into the last thing I’ll be addressing regarding Mary in this screed, the reason why her posts were/are disappearing off her page. I’m almost embarrassed to admit, that I may be partially responsible for that. Sort of. In a way. Even though, I can’t directly do anything, as I’m “blocked” from her page. Ergo, I don’t have the capability to report or alert Facebook about the numerous inaccuracies and falsehoods that are allegedly posted on her page, even if I wanted to, and trust me- I would definitely want to.

But that doesn’t stop other people from doing so, and then telling me about it, via other conduits open to me outside of the clearly defined boundaries of Facebook, and its associated social media platforms. And those very same people, other than providing me with raw source material, also keep me informed as to what they had gleefully, and rightfully, reported to FB’s fact-checkers, be they human or programmed algorithm. Granted while this amusing interaction has provided me a two-part story-arc, and more than a few chuckles at her expense, my interaction is exceedingly limited, both by comparison and Facebooks own profile protection protocols.

However, I’ve been informed, and that more than once, that my efforts in confronting other conservative nincompoops had inspired them to do the same. And the best part? If the former president-in-name-only and definite seditionist. couldn’t be held responsible for inciting a deadly riot that saw one cop murdered and four of his deplorables fully embracing Darwin’s Law, then most certainly, I can’t be held liable for other people taking it upon themselves to call cultists goddamn jackasses, as they report fraudulent postings in tandem, now can I?

So, as to the reason why your inanity is vanishing off your page Mary, I’ll hazard an educated guess or two, as the thoughts strike me. First, when you signed up for Facebook, you agreed to follow their clearly stated rules, one of those being the following: Facebook reserves (and has) the right to remove any or all posts that violate its terms, and your pre-approval regarding this process, or FB giving you prior notification, is not required. The boundary line for undertaking this action is delineated into the following categories, and if the removed postings so happen to fit within the following definitions: targeted threats of violence, personally threatening speech, such as “doxxing”, violent or offensive imagery, or what could be reasonably considered “hate speech”, along with the expected push-back against sexually explicit imagery, as well.

But as of late, there’s been a revitalized attempt to quash the spread of malicious misinformation, whether it be political, medical, or cultural, and because conservatives are seemingly the main source of such, it’s driving them absolutely insane. Keep in mind, they themselves, have stated that they don’t care what Reality says, as what matters to them is what they believe to be so, and in regards to the accuracy of what that is, they could honestly care less, as long as the ability to weaponize it, can be utilized efficiently.

And the most obvious reason for those said missing posts Mary, is quite simple- there’s a multitude of people who are happily reporting your idiocy as fast as you post it, and then, in an act comprised of pure schadenfreude, randomly sending me the captured screencaps of it. You know, because if there’s anything us Liberals enjoy more than watching you scream your bumper sticker ideology to the empty air, it’s having an unexpected laugh at your expense. And given your devotion to the seditionist who would sacrifice you in a heartbeat to save his own skin, we’re going to be laughing at you and your unamerican ilk for quite some time.

You wanted to make America great? Or at he very least, instill your twisted version of what you think American exceptionalism is? You failed. We however, started the process by kicking your president’s ass to the curb, and then we’re done disinfecting the White House, the reckoning of holding accountable every single one of you treasonous bastards begins, and that guarantee is set solidly in the Constitution of the country you failed to usurp.  

We’re going to do to you what you and Trump tried to do to our Democracy- count on it. And if I were to offer some form of cautionary warning regarding what’s about to befall your pathetically mewling movement, I’d quote the book whose teachings you guys fail to follow, and that your president uses as a prop.

From Revelation 20:11-15: “Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. The earth and the heavens fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life.

The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what they had done. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.”

I wonder where your name is jotted down, Mary? In its pages, it’s margins, or on the Post-it note God’s going to toss once he’s done using it as a temporary bookmark? Someday you’ll find out, I guess, as we all will. But my gut tells me that where you’re most certainly going won’t ever need to provide you with a coat, because you’re never going to experience being cold ever again.

“Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, the answer is yes.” – Stephen Colbert, I Am America

The Con-versation Pt.1 (It Can’t Happen Clear)

“The main thing that I learned about conspiracy theory, is that conspiracy theorists believe in a conspiracy because that is more comforting. The truth of the world is that it is actually chaotic. The truth is that it is not The Illuminati, or The Jewish Banking Conspiracy, or the Gray Alien Theory. The truth is far more frightening – Nobody is in control. The world is rudderless.” – Alan Moore

Hello Blogiteers!
What a day for a dayscream, is it not?

2021 has finally arrived, and despite our national nightmare swiftly (and hopefully) coming to a close, the idiocy it spawned remains with us, and even worse- still possesses unlimited access to the internet. And while there will always be those that type out inanities at the same rate that I can eat a box of perfectly chilled Ding-Dongs, it’s still a test of personal endurance even on the best of days, when it comes to dealing with these shining examples of truly selective inbreeding.

For the sake of forwarding my POV, I won’t be addressing the level of education that some of these scurrilous schizophrenics have or have not attained, but the lack of one definitely is not always a key factor at play in regards to the paranoic conclusions that most of them draw in regards to how the world at large actually operates. Even the most intelligent among us and whom otherwise would appear normal, have willingly joined what at best, an outright cult of inanity from time to time. In order to kick off this chronicling of abject stupidity, I’ll start with a definition (or two) of today’s’ subject at hand:

A Conspiracy is defined as: The act of conspiring. An evil, unlawful, treacherous, or surreptitious plan formulated in secret by two or more persons; IE, plot. A combination of persons for a secret, unlawful, or evil purpose: He joined the conspiracy to overthrow the government. An agreement by two or more persons to commit a crime, fraud, or other wrongful act. Any concurrence in action; combination in bringing about a given result.”

A Conspiracy Theorist is defined as: “Someone who believes in a conspiracy theory (= the idea that an event or situation is the result of a secret plan made by powerful people.”

Examples of this typically erroneous belief system with their calculated odds attached, would be that the 1963 JFK assassination involved more than one gunman (75%), that a New World Order overlorded by the Illuminati / Vatican / or a Satanic cabal of pedophiles are the ones truly running the planet (30%), that there are numerous subliminal messages in advertising, music and Disney cartoons (25%), that 9-11 was an “inside job” (2%), that the hot-dog packaging to hot-dog-bun packaging ratio is an evil plot overseen by Lithuanians (100%), that UFO’s exist (12%), or that somewhere, hidden in a privately held vault, there exists an as yet unseen cut of “Highlander 2: The Quickening”, that’s actually worth watching sober, no less.
Chance of that by the way, is ZERO-f**king-percent, Sean Connery’s manliness be damned.

Granted, there has always been, and always will be, proven evidence for conspiracies that DO exist, but the very nature of a conspiracy is that it remain undetected, for if it is, it’s no longer a conspiracy so much as yet more proof as to why you should have spent the extra coin to hire a competent cabal organizer – you know, one with those solid deep-state references that FOX, OAN, and Newsmax like to bleat incessantly that only Liberals possess? You get what you pay for, and all that. Many a possibly successful crime spree has been thwarted before it even starts, by someone who out of a sense of misguided loyalty, hires their half-witted cousin to drive the getaway car, versus hiring that out-of-state pro who makes Frank Martin from the “Transporter” film series come off as no more skilled than Clark Griswold from National Lampoon’s “Family Vacation”.

Just saying.

On a side note, it turns out that according to a poll dually conducted by Nielsen and Pew Research, that FOX’s demographic is 98.9% White, 59% Male, with an average age of 69, of which, 61% possess no form of higher education. So… old, White, poorly educated, and willingly self-isolated from other sources that might challenge their erroneous ideology? Yep. I can’t for the life of me, figure out just why these very same people swallow every fascist fortune cookie that the Republican party passes out as if they were tax write-offs to corporations.

Regardless, conspiracy theories have always been good for the cheapest of free entertainment, not-so-deep drunken discussions at 3a.m., as well as efficiently, and sometimes permanently, derailing both personal reputations and political upwards movement beyond repair. And in my case, concerning what could have been my future in-laws almost two decades ago, an opportunity for them to espouse their ignorant racism under the odious guise of showing “concern” for the “troubled youth” of the inner cities. Think of any person of note or infamy, and pause to reflect upon what you “know” about them, dwelling on just how you came to acquire this vital intelligence in the first place- odds are you didn’t get it from any source that can boast a collection of Pulitzers, am I right?

I thought so.

But here’s the Damocles Sword of it all- while it’s relatively harmless fun to debate whether or not if Bigfoot, UFO’s, the Loch Ness monster, the Illuminati, and Denise Richard’s acting chops actually exist, it’s quite the other side of the coin to carry such arrogant idiocy forward in relation to approaching the world of the Real, regardless of what subject is being disseminated for the public entire. If you need solidified proof, look no further than the political propaganda that has corrupted the trust in regards to the sanctity and security of our democratic institutions, and tainted the charter of the free press within this country over the last few years.

And the reality that the damage already wrought by such may be somewhat irreversible, is truly something that should strike the chord of ice-cold fear in the heart of any rational person, both here and abroad, and not just because some basement-dwelling, Hot Pocket consuming, right-wing Proud Boy wackadoo with a number of *George Lincoln Rockwell tattoos may act upon it.*[George Lincoln Rockwell was an American neo-Nazi, who after being discharged from the US Navy for his extremist views in 1959, founded the American Nazi Party. Among his charming attributes was the belief that the Holocaust never occurred, and that the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. was a compliant asset for (sigh) Jewish Communists who started the Civil Rights movement as a means to rule over the white community.

He slurred ed African-Americans as a “primitive, lethargic race who desired only simple pleasures and a life of irresponsibility” and supported racial segregation. On August 25, 1967 in the parking lot of an Arlington, VA laundromat, Rockwell was murdered by a former member of his own party, which just goes to show that even an inbred NAZI can get it right every now and then.]

What I mean by this, is the thought that believing in the Deep State or the New World Oder doesn’t carry much of a social impact if it’s just your local man-bunned barista who espouses it, but when that same virulence is proudly borne by an elected representative or a celebrity who has both the ear of the public and unconstrained access to all the forms of the Media? Well, at that point, the bets are off as to what harm can be fomented when that particular *Lemarchand Puzzle Box is loosed upon the pustulant pinheads of the world.*[A Lemarchand’s Puzzle Box, first seen in the 1987 horror film Hellraiser, is a puzzle which when solved, serves as a key to accessing an interdimensional plane of existence, whosedenizens are truly demonic, and is definitely one of those things you should never try to analyze or casually play around with, no matter how smart you think you are, or how well-intended you may be.]

Just leave it where you found it, and walk the hell away. Trust me on this. And the very same should be said about anything you’re told that doesn’t come from a trusted and verifiable source, and no, an American flag avatar laden website run out of what used to be an active meth lab doesn’t count, shockingly enough. One might think that this would be glaringly obvious in this, the Golden Age of Informational Access, but as the past presidential election has just brutally shown, it is sadly not, and it’s only going to get worse.

To set the stage, let me offer up just a few quotes regarding such courtesy of the visionary sci-fi author Isaac Asimov: There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way throughout political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.”

We have a new buzzword, too, for anyone who admires competence, knowledge, learning and skill, and who whishes to spread it around. People like that are called “elitists”. That’s the funniest buzzword ever invented because people who are not members of the intellectual elite don’t know what an “elitist” is, or how to pronounce the word. As soon as someone shouts “elitist” it becomes clear that he or she is a closet elitist who is feeling guilty about having gone to school.”

“I believe that every human being with a physically normal brain can learn a great deal and can be surprisingly intellectual. I believe that what we badly need is social approval of learning and social rewards for learning.”

Nailed it. With ten-foot-long mother**king spikes, no less. And typically, right through the heads of certain people who, due to their usage of aluminum foil as a means to block the mind-control rays consistently blasted at them by agents of the Deep State, have made the cover for the annual stock report of the *Reynolds Group so many times, that they’ve achieved honorary mascot status, if not the fawning respect of their fellow GOP / QAnon cult members and enablers.*[Reynolds Group Holdings is an American packaging company that produces a variety of widths and thicknesses of aluminum foil in the U.S. under the Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil brand.]

However, this intellectually vacuous demographic of density most certainly doesn’t see their conservative idiocy campaign as being anything less than a noble beacon for those floundering in the far-too-bright, if not the painfully caustic, spotlight of Reality. But honestly, should we expect a course of sane and sober thought from a mass of morons who are literally one tiki-torch away from burning down their local Chucky Cheese, because Alex Jones, a right-wing wackadoo and  magnet for dumbf**ks, may still yet one day, tell them that’s where the government’s “weather weapons” and the chemicals that are “turning the frogs gay” are stored?

Both of those by the way are actual things that Jones has claimed exist, along with a host of other publicized assertions, such as the particularly vile one that former First Lady and Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, along with several trusted associates of hers, were solely responsible for running a… (Wait for it) “demonic sex-trafficking ring” inside a local pizza shop, located in Washington, D.C. Although Jones was not responsible for this conspiracy theory, which became known far and wide as “Pizzagate”, Herr Hedgehog gave it enough publicly administered oxygen to inspire one of his devoted followers, a mental midget by the name of Edgar Maddison Welch, to enter the Comet Ping Pong Pizzeria in late 2016, armed with both a .38 handgun, and a AR-15 rifle, from which he dispensed several rounds, despite there being no evidence of observable sex-trafficking whatsoever.

Fortuitously, no one, including several children that were present, were hurt by Welch’s brain-dead act of sheerly delusional, yet entirely sober dipshittery, and he was eventually sentenced to four years in prison. The sentence was based on not only the obvious stupidity of the act itself, but the extenuating circumstances preceding it, such as driving more than 4-1/2 hours from his residence to the restaurant, in order to liberate the nonexistent victims, akin to how Travis Bickle rescued Iris, a child prostitute in the 1976 film classic, Taxi Driver. It requires noting that despite the warnings of others not to proceed with his pinheaded plan, Welch regardless set it in motion, rather than taking the logical step of contacting qualified law enforcement instead with his unfounded concerns.

Jones for his part, and most likely as a means to distance himself from what could have easily turned into a mass shooting, issued a videotaped statement via his website known as InfoWars, which to many, came off less as a heartfelt declaration, than it was a palpable non-apology masquerading as such. To bolster this opinion of mine, I present to you the full transcript that Jones posted not-so-coincidentally, on the very same day that Welch was convicted


JONES: “Alex Jones here with an important note to our viewing, listening, and reading audiences. I’m going to read to you from a statement that is also posted to Infowars.com that I wrote yesterday.

    Last fall, before the presidential election, a large number of media outlets began reporting on allegations arising from emails released by WikiLeaks that appeared to come from John Podesta, who served President Clinton and Obama and was the chairman of Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign.

    Dozens of those stories and articles raised or discussed theories that some of Podesta’s emails contained code words for human trafficking and/or pedophilia. Stories also included allegations connecting members of the Democratic Party with a number of restaurants allegedly involved with a child sex ring. These stories were cited and discussed in social media and went viral on the internet.

    One of the persons mentioned in many of the stories in the media was a Washington, D.C., restaurant owner named James Alefantis, and his pizza restaurant Comet Ping Pong. It is fair to say that Mr. Alefantis is a prominent individual who has been mentioned as a power player in Washington. Mr. Alefantis and his restaurant were mentioned in many stories published by a lot of different outlets. Mr. Alefantis was quoted in many subsequent stories, and he denied any involvement in such reported child sex rings. These denials were reported in the national media and many other outlets and news websites.

    The volume of stories was substantial, generating national headlines and came to be known across the country as “Pizzagate.” We at Infowars became part of that national discussion. We broadcast commentary about the allegations and the theory that the emails contained code words. We raised questions about information in Mr. Podesta’s emails and the Comet Ping Pong restaurant. We believed at the time that further investigation was necessary. In December of 2016, we disassociated ourselves from the “Pizzagate” claims and theories, a position we reiterated last month after being contacted by Mr. Alefantis.

    In late February of 2017, we received a letter from Mr. Alefantis asking that we retract certain statements that he says were made in seven of our broadcasts between the last week of November and the first week of December in 2016. We have attempted, through our lawyers, to contact Mr. Alefantis to discuss with him what sort of statement he would like to see made.

    In our commentary about what had become known as Pizzagate, I made comments about Mr. Alefantis that in hindsight I regret, and for which I apologize to him. We were participating in a discussion that was being written about by scores of media outlets, in one of the most hotly contested and disputed political environments our country has ever seen. We relied on third-party accounts of alleged activities and conduct at the restaurant. We also relied on accounts of reporters who are no longer with us. This was an ever-evolving story, which had a huge amount of commentary about it across many, many media outlets.

    As I have said before, what became a heightened focus on Mr. Alefantis and Comet Ping Pong by many media outlets was not appropriate. To my knowledge today, neither Mr. Alefantis, nor his restaurant Comet Ping Pong, were involved in any human trafficking as was part of the theories about Pizzagate that were being written about in the media outlets and which we commented upon.

    I want our viewers and listeners to know that we regret any negative impact our commentaries may have had on Mr. Alefantis, Comet Ping Pong, or its employees. We apologize to the extent our commentaries could be considered as negative statements about Mr. Alefantis or Comet Ping Pong, and we hope that anyone else involved in commenting on Pizzagate will do the same thing.

    Here’s what we have done to clarify to the public. Months ago, we took down the majority of broadcasts and videos including ones that only passingly mentioned Pizzagate. This happened months before we were even contacted by Mr. Alefantis. Mr. Alefantis objected to portions of seven particular radio/TV broadcasts. We have taken down those seven broadcasts and we have attempted to take down any broadcasts that mentioned Mr. Alefantis or Comet Ping Pong. We have attempted to do so not just on our website but also on social media sites such as our YouTube channel. If Mr. Alefantis has any other objections, we invite him to let us know. Two reporters who used to be associated with us are no longer with us. In a recent broadcast, I invited Mr. Alefantis on our program to state what he wanted to, and I again do so here. He has given interviews to many media outlets, and he is welcome to come on our show.

    In issuing this statement, we are not admitting that Mr. Alefantis, or his restaurants, have any legal claim. We do not believe they do. But we are issuing this statement because we think it is the right thing to do. It will be no surprise to you that we will fight for children across America. But the Pizzagate narrative, as least as concerning Mr. Alefantis and Comet Ping Pong, we have subsequently determined was based upon what we now believe was an incorrect narrative. Despite the fact that we were far from the genesis of this story, it is never easy to admit when your commentaries are based on inaccurate information, but we feel like we owe it to you the listeners, viewers and supporters to make that statement, and to give an apology to you and to Mr. Alefantis, when we do.

We encourage you to hold us accountable. We improve when you do.”

JONES: And again, ladies and gentlemen, that was — we got distracted off by MSM on this stuff in D.C. when it was all going on in New York and that’s why day one, I saw it, I saw the media, and I said, “Get off that.” And I did that because we’re not psychopaths, we actually look at what is reality and then focus on that. We don’t go like MSM with their misinfo and just cold-bloodedly spew lies, this person’s a racist, this person’s this, this person’s that. Just because it gets us ahead in what we’re doing, we’re all about integrity, and that’s why we make mistakes by covering MSM, focusing on it, and the huge debate. We will absolutely own up to it, and make right for it, as we just did.”

In other words;
“Sure, we can’t actually come right out and fully accept the blame for our pushing a baseless and wholly insane fantasy as being credible to the point that somebody could have easily gotten killed for our doing so, but we’re also not going to say directly that the story itself had no merit to begin with in the very first place, despite that fact being obvious to anyone who hasn’t made huffing paint more of a career path, and less of a hobby.

Despite the fact that multiple media outlets had broadcast denials, due to the story itself being batshit crazy, we who work tirelessly at the same place that maintained  that the massacre at Sandy Hook was a “False Flag” operation, weren’t going to be dissuaded from whipping up our base into a mindless frenzy just because it wasn’t true. Granted, even now, we publicly posture that we did nothing wrong, because “we’re not psychopaths”, despite all recorded evidence to the contrary, and besides- it’s all the other media outlets who are really at fault here, don’t you know?

Now, here’s a story about gay frogs operating underground rave parties so that they can turn your newborn baby into a communist socialist who will join Antififa, and murder you as you sleep.” 

Notwithstanding the dubious sincerity of this piously shallow act of self-flagellation, his actions before (and since) the incident are really what should be put under the societal microscope, in order to determine the consequences for such future irresponsibility. This critical focus should be applied not only to him, but to the others of his ilk as well. This wasn’t a case of differing personal opinions; this was an act of targeted harassment, crafted solely to further an inane political agenda, and such careless actions should warrant an equitable punishment for doing so, no matter what mealy-mouthed rationalizations are eventually dispensed.

Notwithstanding this opinion, Jones is not the only cog of conservative maladjustment powering the far-larger juggernaut of mass delusion, a societal aberration that started sweeping across this country, just about the same time the populace within it dared to place an African-American in the formally all-White House as their nation’s duly elected leader, One cannot be a cult leader, even albeit a cult of morons, without the willing culpability of said morons after all, and when it comes to tapping the stores of such in this country, it’s no surprise that Jones found the metaphorical shelves to be literally overstocked.

The reservoir that I’m alluding to, is the current so-called conservative movement currently boiling over the edges of America’s formerly stalwart melting pot, and the singular reason why I label it as “so-called”, is because it has as much in common with the true roots of conservatism as Melania Trump has with the comparisons to Jackie O, or that I do with the art of diplomacy. In essence and my personal opinion, I’m not known for my tact, Melanoma’s a mail-order call-girl, and when it comes to the success of the modern-day Republicans’ abominable point of view infecting my fellow Americans, I’m thinking that somewhere in the fiery bowels of Hell, even Hitler himself has to be dually jealous and impressed for the toxicity of its message becoming interwoven into what was once considered the impenetrable fabric of our nations’ humanity and normalcy.

How we went from the era of trickle-down Reaganomics to being reluctant bit-players in a 28 Days Later cosplay, isn’t that hard to dissect, if one looks at both the annals of History and the A-holes of histrionics currently amassed as the Trump base. We’ve seen this culture of diseased thought before. We’ll see it again. And that, only because a far-too-large chunk of Americans have both the memory and intellectual capacity of a goldfish speed-balling paint thinner. And most certainly, they not only possess all the anger of a middle-aged “Karen” discovering that African-Americans have the same right to openly shop at a Sprouts just like she does, but that they’re the ones who bought the very last bottle of Kombucha as well.

Oh, the horror these desperately despicable deplorables have to face almost every day. It’s truly a miracle that they’re able to get up, put on their white hooded ensemble, and drive their Trump-flag-festooned trucks to his latest ego Viagra dispensation, masquerading as a political super-spreader rally. Bravery beyond compare, let me tell you. As is to be expected, when one dares pass comment on the inanity of these lemmings of lunacy, the very same people who decry what they have come to see as a rapidly escalating anti-cancel culture, hypocritically become… well, full-on cancel-culture warriors themselves, using the anonymity of the internet in a blatant attempt to harass, threaten, and intimidate, the targets of their ire into a state of compliant silence,

You know. Just like the Founding Fathers would do, if they were ignorant dumbf**ks prone to believing in the worst distillation of bats**t craziness?

Speaking of which, I’d like to add yet another local loon log that I discovered out here in my neck of the woods, onto the flaming pyre of my innate criticism, but before I get around to doing just that, I’d like to first share with you some other unique individuals, who consistently prove just exactly why we as a nation, need to so adequately, fund both the public educational system, if not unconstrained access to birth control. And once again, this cornucopia of callowness is gleaned wholesale off the ol’ internet, which as time passes, seems less than a way to connect with your fellow humans, and more of a moral yardstick as to whom you should actively avoid meeting now, or in the future. This is mainly due to the fact that the majority of them possess a grip on actual Reality akin to the one you and I might have when attempting to body-hug a school of agitated Hagfish.

As it’s already fairly obvious, I won’t bore you with how much time a week I spend traipsing on through the murky Darklands of the World Wide Web, but I’d also like to note that I’m not as immersed up to my neck in it as you might think, either. My approach to such is akin to that of a harried soccer mom at a Walmart after work- I get in, get what I need, and don’t waste time getting distracted by the human freak show that attempts to pass itself off as today’s new normal. But I have to admit that sometimes… even I have to slow down and stare slack-jawed, at the human train-wreck that has devolved into the embodiment of the modern-day GOP.

First, there’s the train car full of those that cannot spell, utilize grammar properly, or openly express their muddled process of thought without pinning the CAPS key to the floor, as if it were a drunken prom queen unwillingly trapped in the back seat of the star quarterback’s car:
Truly rational people all, am I right? I tells ya’, nothing plucks at my heartstrings quite so hard as seeing just what unbridled patriotism becomes when sifted through the warped filter that is the right-wing brain trust, let me tell you. But these fine examples of what happens when the public school system fails, also have one further leg up over us godless, socialism-loving, science-believing, book-owning, elitist Libtards, and it is this: apparently, they’re also “nicer” than us. I know. It came as a shock to me as well, but since I did read it on the internet, it must be true, right? In fact, here is such a statement, sans any form of evidence of course, that says it’s so:Proof enough for me, as well as you, I’m sure. No. It really isn’t, you say? Well then. Let me in my limited capacity as your host, serve up even more shining examples of conservative tolerance that we as the Radical Left, could learn a thing or two from:

Ah… such warmth. Such intellectualism. Such Humanity. Such civility, and dare I say it, so much “niceness”. Such an excellent example of why one’s ability to access the internet should come with a required IQ test to ascertain if theirs exceeds that of a barely sentient rice cake. Now, while this may seem as a harsh overreach regarding knee-capping the burgeoning issue of handcrafted misinformation tainting the national consciousness, it’s worth a shot, if only to protect what little may remain of the collective soul of our certainly gravely wounded Republic. Now to be fair, lying and politics are long intertwined bedfellows with solid boundaries cementing their mutual friends with benefits relationship, and there’s no room for playing Devil’s advocate in relation to this inarguable fact.

It would be hypocritical of me to assert that only the GOP has sole franchise rights when it comes to the art of discordant dissembling, but I’d also opine that when it comes to testing the elasticity limit surrounding said activity, Republicans as a rule, have been caught with their hands in the metaphorical cookie jar so often, it’s truly stunning that the entire Party aren’t Type-1 diabetics at this point. However, even given this prior track record of disingenuousness, the last four years’ volume of their red-meat dog-whistling has been nothing short of awe-inspiring, if not thoroughly ear-shattering.

In short, we as a nation and as it’s citizenry, have been subjected to, either from the GOP, or Trump himself, the following sackcloth-and-air fabrications:

Trump won the most Electoral College votes since Ronald Reagan, the size of the inauguration crowd was the largest in American history, that “thousands” of people were bused across state lines to vote in 2016, that he faced “a historic delay” to get all of his cabinet nominees confirmed,that the murder rate was the highest it had ever been in 45 years,that terrorist attacks across Europe were “not even being reported”, that Kuwait had issued a visa ban on several Muslim-majority countries after his immigration order,that two people were shot and killed during Obama’s farewell speech, numerous (and ongoing) lies about voter fraud, that he had not paid off adult film star Stormy Daniels, that he would divulge his taxes, that Mexico would willingly pay for his fantasy border wall, that climate change didn’t exist, that he alone would bring jobs “back” to America, and that there were roving immigrant caravans hell-bent on entering the US,

There was also amusingly, several moments of unbound delusions, where Trump asserted that “nobody knows” more about social media / healthcare / infrastructure / technology / cybersecurity / campaign finance / TV ratings / ISIS / domestic and foreign policy / trade / green renewable energy / taxes / money / construction / unmanned drones / and for some strange reason, Democratic Senator Cory Booker, than he did.

This pile of already flaming-at-the-time garbage, was of course, just a small part of a previously immense conflagration that included far-worse transgressions that directly led to the possibly preventable deaths of 325K+ Americans thus far. Deaths by the way, that have only spotlighted precisely how little that the GOP and it’s beyond redemption leadership, care about the people they so facetiously swore to serve, if not protect. Two things that Trump did get right though, were his expertise with Debt and Lawsuits, of which he carelessly bragged: “I’m the king of debt. I’m great with debt. Nobody knows debt better than me.” and Who knows more about lawsuits than I do? I’m the king.”

So, I will give him those caveats at least, tone-deaf as they were.

However, the icing of incompetence atop this multi-liar cake, would have to be the blatant attempt to stage a coup d’état for the sole purpose of keeping the GOP’s death grip on judicial and legislative power, with the enablers of the Trump cult slavishly, happily and most disturbingly, openly, serving the role of his loyal ersatz *Führerbegleitkommando.
*[The elite squad comprised of Hitler’s personal bodyguards.]

Given Trump’s increasingly frantic desperation to both stay out of the NY prison cell most likely waiting for him, and the fact his fragile ego can’t handle being branded a “loser”, it’s no wonder that we find ourselves on this dark path for the first time in our 243-year-old history, and when the dust and spray tanner have settled, we need to make certain that it never happens again, come Hell or high water. But until that day finally happens, we’re going to have to listen to all of the crackpot theories and fabricated falsehoods that the GOP and its f**ked-up faithful will attempt to spread, even if the depth of their validity is as thin as a sheet of phyllo dough.

Case in point: the Hunter Biden “scandal”.

The GOP narrative: In October, the New York Post published what it claimed were copies of emails discovered on the laptop, which allegedly showed that Joe Biden, who was serving as vice president at the time of the alleged emails, and whom was a candidate at the time of their publication, had been tainted by his son’s business ventures in the country of Ukraine

John Paul MacIsaac, the owner of The Mac Shop, a computer repair shop based in Wilmington, Delaware, claimed that in April of 2019, a man who identified himself as “Hunter Biden”, brought three liquid-damaged laptops into his shop, choosing to leave only one behind for repairs, and never returned to retrieve it. Eventually, MacIsaac turned over a copy of the laptop’s hard drive to both the FBI and Brian Costello, an attorney for Rudy Giuliani, who as we all know, is Donald Trump’s personal lawyer, along with being America’s favorite mentally-cracked Uncle. Mac Isaac said he turned the hard drive over to Costello because of “fears for his safety”.

MacIsaac, who is known to be a devoted Trump supporter, has changed his story more than once in regards to what he claimed the chain of events were, ranging from how he initially got in touch with the FBI and has pushed the narrative that he duped the hard drive out of the concern that he might be murdered for “leaking information”. He has also puzzlingly claimed that he wasn’t able to positively identify who had actually dropped off the laptop, because he is “legally blind”. but said the laptop bore a sticker from the Beau Biden Foundation, named after Hunter’s late brother, the former attorney general of Delaware. In lieu of actual proof, and the incriminating sticker aside, there were two security cameras in his shop that could have aided the inquiry as to the validity of his claim, but wouldn’t you know it- the crucial footage from that specific day was automatically deleted before he realized how important it was.

Nevertheless, he still adamantly contends that the customer in his shop that day had most assuredly been Hunter Biden himself. So to recap; a legally-blind, pro-Trump supporter says that the son of the then Vice President and now President-elect, walked into his repair shop, casually dropped off a treasure trove of evidence implicating both in potentially embarrassing, if not criminal activity, without leaving so much as a quantifiable trace of his physical presence there whatsoever, and then never came back to claim it, because… reasons, I guess. And the only proof that he might have been ever there, just so happened to be deleted from existence “accidentally”.
There’s a descriptive term I’m looking for here, regarding this tale of an insidiously unethical Bogeyman of privilege that much like the “immigrant caravans” Trump once railed about, found itself to be a non-topic among the Trump Klan (pun intended) the moment it was clear that the election was truly over. Now what could the term for this be? Wait a sec, I’ve got it… that would be “gaslighting”, which is to Trump as cocaine is to Charlie Sheen- an addiction, a lifestyle, and the means by which he keeps his bitches subservient to his every whim.

Speaking of which, here’s a posting from one of his loyal familiars, that being a modern-era Step(hanie) Fetchit, who is more than comfortable with selling out her race and gender, hoping to garner the fawning approval of a primarily White conservative base, who at best, will never regard her more than as a token “Black friend” who’s not been let in on the joke they’re openly playing on her.

The fact that she labeled this tripe “compelling” as if it was anything less than a nonsensical fever-dream, while having the gall to rehash Hunter’s now-conquered drug addiction as a parting swipe disguised as “advice”, just goes to prove that when it comes to licking her Mango Massa’s boots, she’s more than willing to swallow all the way up to Trump’s cankles.

Heads up, “Cand-ass”- you can parrot their debunked conspiracy theories, their anti-minority sentiment cloaked as political discussion, and continue to claim with a straight face that in no way, shape, or form does the pox of systematic racial discrimination exist, despite the fact that you once filed a profitable lawsuit against Stamford High School in Connecticut, alleging you were the victim of it. But your Blackstage pass is a limited access one, even if you’re totally cool with being paraded out like a minstrel show of yore, for the chance yet again, to shuck n’ jive for the very same conservatives who, if you moved in next door to them, would call the cops if you so much dared to use your backyard to host a family BBQ.
[For further evidence of Owen’s hypocrisy, check out: https://newsone.com/3848636/candace-owens-receipts-con-artist/ – it’s definitely an eye opener.]

And as for telling the “kids” not to ”smoke crack”, that’s actually good advice coming from you for once. Maybe you should pass that tidbit along to Don Jr, right after you remove your lips from the one that delineates Trump Sr’s ass from his face. Just a suggestion. But I didn’t come here for the sole purpose of calling out hypocrisy only to the powers that be, I’d also like to do it for my local contingent of cravenly chowder-heads as well, because if anything, I’m widely known for my magnanimity when it comes to keep the floors of my literary abattoir open to all those who dare show me their throat. I mean that metaphorically, of course, since it’s been a while that I’ve had the creative opportunities presented by an unused crawlspace.

Interestingly, this particular slice of bark from a family tree that allegedly resembles a wreath, has been on my radar for quite some time, but after squaring away a series of cultural and politically themed screeds, I then found myself using a hypocritically home-grown faux-Christian as a chew-toy, in order to shake some accumulated cerebral rust off the ol’ writing juggernaut. This naturally led to yet another story-arc, where I tackled a bigot stuffed so full of mendacious mayonnaise and vitriol of vanilla, that he could have easily served as the main appetizer at a Proud Boys buffet. At that point, I needed a detox of sorts, so I took a brief diversionary course into the land of Sci-Fi television, and got back on course with an observational essay concerning the denizens of Parler.com, a website that shows exactly what happened to all those people in your high school who to this day, consider Leni Riefenstahl’s “Triumph of the Will” as their “It Gets Better” video.

Now, before any of you start thinking of reminding me of Godwin’s Law, I’d suggest that you conserve your breath, because honestly, it really doesn’t apply here. To clarify, Godwin’s Law, (AKA: Godwin’s Rule of Nazi Analogies) stems from a 1990 observation made by American attorney and author, Mike Godwin. The law states: “As a discussion on the Internet grows longer, the likelihood of a comparison of a person’s being compared to Hitler or another Nazi reference, increases.” This is uncannily true in most cases of online engagement, but not here, as the people screeching the loudest about Nazi-esque behavior occurring unchecked, are also frequently the ones actively supporting such actions to be undertaken in the first place.

And yes… I’m looking at you, my Trump worshiping conservatives. Inaccurate assessment, you say, wondering what actions I’m referring to? Try ones such as: demonizing minorities, anti-fascists, the educated, Feminists, abortion advocates, and the LGBTQ community, and the Free Press as “Enemies of the State, just because they dare to call Truth to Power, and demanding unwarranted investigations of them, because your team got caught manufacturing deceptions that a four-year-old could dissemble without breaking a sweat. And in a thuggish gambit that everyone with a working intellect could see coming from miles away, the classic power Fuhrer move Trump and his lackeys failed to pull off when they attempted to overturn a fair and democratic election, was something straight out of Hitler’s stage notes.

Granted, those notes were most likely written in German, just after the paranoiac anti-Semitism turned his brain into rancid Sauerkraut, so that might explain why this comically absurd coup attempt was so badly staged. The parallels that could be drawn between Nazi propaganda and a totally-not-inspired-by-Nazism-at-all Trump branding campaign, just reinforces my firmly held opinion that if the GOP could hire Hugo Boss to whip up some new uniforms for the Trump faithful they would, but that idea had to be scrapped, due to the fact his supporters can only afford off the rack at Walmart, and nowhere else.

By way of comparison, here is the self-declared Übermensch and subsequent charcoal briquet, representing pre-1945 Germany, fiercely resplendent, cloaked in glorious nationalism, and looking all badass:

And here, is the absurdly flattering depiction of his American cosplaying equivalent, who for once in his life, doesn’t look like a ham sandwich that was boiled in dollar-store bronzer:

I only say this because… well, what a captivating image. Resolute. Confident. Radiating an aura of untarnished virtuousness. And most notably, portrayed with an idealized physique he’s never possessed outside the collective wet-dreams of a MAGA rally. One minor exception however, is the underlying context where both of these fascist f**ks are concerned. While the implication is that both are dynamic leaders, if not men of action, only one of them is truly portrayed as being a stalwart “Man of the People”, which Hitler honestly believed he was.

This personal certainty is exemplified by his leading an amassed army of his countrymen, of whom we’re assured, will be victors, regardless of what enemy they may face. But when it comes to Trump…

We couldn’t possibly expect the guy with the “best brain”, the “best words”, the “highest IQ”, the “best education”, and the not-freakishly-small-at-all hands to share the spotlight, even if it’s to further his own crusade of narcissism, now can we? Sure, in the end, Hitler was a murdering sociopathic hypocrite, (and a vegetarian, no less) but our Herr Twittler just may be giving him an earnest run for his money, when all is said and fortunately, no-longer-able to-be-tweeted. Minus of course, the steamed vegetables, unless you’re taking Ivanka and Jared into account.

But even still, he’s maintained the support of at least 74 million AiNO’s [Americans in Name Only] which is both pathetically sad for Humanity, and terrifying for Democracy, as the assembled Coup Klutz Klan of faux “Patriots” demonstrated on January Sixth, in Washington, D.C. And my newest BFF, named Mary Cecelia Walker, apparently believes that the abominable act of cravenly sedition, set in motion by her traitorous President on January 6th, using the curs of lesser character he has on tap, was a perfectly dandy idea, if not way overdue.

However, as you will come to discover, the only time that connection of onomatology ever gets made, is when people find themselves endlessly asking:JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU, LADY?!!?” The main impetus for this query stems from her political leanings, which at best, come off less than being ill-informed, so much as they present as an entrenched mental illness. This opinion of mine, I heel, is clearly illustrated by this screencap from her main social media account:

Even I have to admit, when it comes to the art of pure dumbf**kery, my newest inductee into the Hall of “What The F**k Is Wrong With You?”, is conservatism’s Jackson Pollock, and not just because her social media ramblings read as if the voices in her head were drunk when she decided to let them post her dribbling online. Granted, while I will never be able to thank them personally for the rich comedic cornucopia, they have provided me for the last several months, I’m pretty sure there just has to be an amiable paranoid schizophrenic out there in the wilds of Trumpland who might be willing to do it for me telepathically, if only I asked nicely enough.

I do love how she characterizes Mike Pence as a “snake in the grass”, because he surprisingly, followed the law of the land, and not the Fascist fallacies of a vulgar man-child who thanks to his unhinged rhetoric, and base of dog-whistle-following f**ktards, fostered in one of the darkest days in this country’s history. I won’t dare speak for anyone save myself, as I’m apt to do from time to time, but I would forgo Ding Dongs for a year if I could get one of these willingly complicit traitors to rationally explain to me, how occupying a national landmark by force, walking it’s halls with the flag of an enemy we defeated over a hundred-years ago, while replacing the American one with the vile banner of a personality cult, looting its contents, threatening it’s elected officials and demanding without just cause, that its democratic process be undone, qualifies as “Patriotism”.

Go ahead. Take all the time you need.

But where our Mary of MAGAdalene truly shines, is her ability to swallow not just everything she reads on the internet as if she were Linda Lovelace servicing John Holmes, but how she also takes it immediately to heart as Gospel without even bothering to do the merest of fact checking first, and that, regardless of how insane it may sound, or actually is. I’m ever so sorry for the 70’s porn-funk soundtrack currently playing in your head right now, but I can assure you that I’m not engaging in unwarranted hyperbole solely for shock’s sake. This woman’s metaphorical fellating of absurdly paranoid and unsubstantiated fantasies is so over-developed, even Sean Hannity is in awe, if not a perpetual state of professional jealousy.

And somewhere, out in the gated communities of Texas, Ted Cruz sits alone, softly crying in his garage, drinking a room-temperature beer, because no matter how much he practices, he just can’t master his intellectual gag reflex the way Mary has. But enough of my poking fun at a woman so allegedly politically dense that she makes depleted Uranium present as anorexic. To that end, I say we get to the meat of the hamberder as it were, and serve it up with not only a great big slice of humble pie, but a steaming cup of covfefe to wash it all down as well.

As I said earlier, Mary is an Artist on par with Jackson Pollack himself. The key difference, being whereas Pollack once found himself so hammered beyond all rational thought on alcohol, that he wound up urinating in Peggy Guggenheim’s fireplace, Mary’s personal hammer of choice is the internet insipidness that she and her fellow MAGAts willingly bathe in as if they were honored guests at a spa day hosted by the *Countess Elizabeth Bathory herself. Unsurprisingly, given her adoration of a mango-tinted man-child, it really should come as no surprise that Mary has the same issue with accepting the Truth of things as her Wheezy Mussolini does trying to speak it.
*[Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed was a Hungarian noblewoman whom was known for her bathing in the blood of young girls, whose murders she had arranged, believing that it staved off the appearance of aging. And yes… that is bats**t crazy.]

However, much like the multitude of her fellow faux-patriots whose lauded degrees were downloaded off the internet, the one Mary has acquired is an amalgamation of erroneous factoids, asinine opinions, and topped with a fear that only White suburbanites can manifest out of thin air, and yes- she’s going to share her paranoid ignorance, regardless of how much damage it has done, and continues to do, to her demographic of syphilitic monkey-brains. Note I said “monkey-brains”, and not “Americans”, because Mary gave up the right to self-identify as one, when she willingly sided with our Mad King and his cravenly court of sycophantic enablers.

So, as it is with most of her fellow seditious scumbags, our not-so-proud-Mary here is also an ardent denier of the COVID-19 crisis, that so far, has killed 400,000 of her fellow citizens, which of course, couldn’t possibly be laid at the feet of her treasonous twat crush. Said twat-waffle of course, being directly responsible for both the current state of carnage, and the proliferation of hypocritically arbitrary patriotism, but Mary isn’t going to let some inconvenient Reality screw up her tin-foiled, if not oxygen-deprived worldview, no siree Bob. She’s 100% on board the Trump Train, and not just because she’s going to most likely wind up on the “no-fly” list someday.

That observation aside, I think it’s past time that I share with you and the world at large, the wit. the wisdom, and the wanton wackadoo inanity, that shapes Mary’s intellectually isolated perception of Reality, as we ask ourselves just why the one that exists outside her front door seemingly scares her so much. And to do that, I’ll lay out some of her posts regarding the all-too-real conspiracy theories, that dually, serve as the central theme of both her life, and this particular screed:
No, he did not. Not even close. 64 lost legal challenges, the ratification by the electoral college, the multiple recounts in contested states, and the temporarily paused by attempted sedition Congress proved that, so shut the h**k up, you jabbering jackass. And for the love of mythical God, stop using words that you don’t know the meaning of, and regard as boogeyman code, for no other reason than you’re an ignorantly paranoid idiot.
This isn’t so much a conspiracy, as it is Mary being one of those self-entitled Karens we want to see either being launched out of a trebuchet, or taken down face-first, by a flying tackle from a store security guard who’s been regularly abusing steroids.

That’s not how those phone apps work. That’s not how any of it works, you escapee from a loon farm. The only person that’s tracked by cell tech, is the people who own the phone to begin with, and yes, that includes you, if you just so happen to possess one. It already tracks your calls, texts, web-surfing, along with recording everything you say, so that particular Hale-Bopp comet of yours, has already flown by. And it didn’t require an app to do it.

Yes… removing statues of traitors to the United States is exactly the same as launching a world war and targeting an entire culture for genocide. Who knew? Apparently, the shrieking voices in Mary’s otherwise empty skull did, and they were ever so nice enough to give us a head’s up regarding it.

Sigh… this one is so f**king stupid, I’ll just let it speak for itself, because any joke I might make regarding it, would pale in comparison to this asinine absurdity.
This incident, that supposedly occurred at Mary’s local Walmart out here in the high desert of New Mexico, was due to the fact that in the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, cash was considered a possible carrier for the virus, and therefore, regarded as “unclean” by the essential workers in the store. Keep in mind, Mary traveled there with her cell phone (AKA: personal tracking device in hand, only tp obsess that her Visa card may be utilized for insidious purposes. More about this in a bit, as to why this was, but let’s move on for now.

Ok… if being vaccinated is anything like being raped, then yeah, I’d pass on the “cure” too, with a fair amount of relief. However, since it’s not, I can only conclude that Mary is either being a tad bit over-dramatic, or she really didn’t properly comprehend what they tried to teach her in that high school sex-ed class she flunked.

This strip-mall located “doctor” by the way, also talks about “Demon Sperm”, so… yeah, we can put a pin in this one, I think. And no, you really don’t want to know more.
Ah… YouTube, Home of cat videos, and now- , “stunning” and not-crazy-at-all evidence that supposedly validates everything from Bigfoot to nonexistent voter fraud. If only Rudy Goofyliani knew of this valuable resource, Trump might just have been able to actually win one of those 64 legal challenges that he lost. After all, if he can grab pussy half as good as he’s bragged about, how hard would it really be for him to snatch a glorious victory out of the jaws of Defeat?

Oh for the love of mythical Christ… if this woman’s mental grip on Reality gets any weaker in regards to how she sees the world entire, we’re going to have to superglue one of those special helmets to the top of her skull, and that, most permanently. I for one, have never given serious pause as to the necessity for bubble-wrapping someone’s personal environment in order to guarantee their physical safety, but I’d opine that if the need ever arose, Mary may just be our first test case.

Human clones? Transfer of memories? Hiding images in DNA? I wasn’t aware that Blade Runner wasn’t so much a dark and brooding cult classic, as it was something that an open supporter of treason potentially dabbled in on the side.

But the best of this tin-foiled twittery is yet to come, and trust me, this post by Mary’s concreted social media consciousness is one for the ages. And even though she’s not responsible for its bats**t as f**k content, her dedication to making sure it was disseminated in the first place, just further validates my assertion as to why in the hopefully not-too-far future, she’ll be an unwilling resident of a place where both she, and the plants in its lobby, will ideally, get watered and turned towards the sun twice a day.
Now because I’m a thoughtful and caring person, I won’t directly post a link to this pile of fallacious flotsam, mainly out of genuine concern what it might do to your remaining faith in Humanity, but if you’re of the mindset that it’s time to throw that metaphorical towel in the octagon before shuffling off this mortal coil, I cordially invite you to go all in with no outside concerns or regrets. Personally, I only managed to last about six minutes, before I had to go pour myself a succession of stronger and stronger shots, starting with Jack Daniels’s, and finishing up with that blue liquid displayed only in barbershops.

However, I will give you the Cliff Notes as it were, of what this fraudcast transmitted on 12/12/2020 was “predicting” for an hour and twenty minutes, and it is this, as transcribed directly off a website that I can only charitably describe as Loon Base Alpha: CIA assassination squads are active in America, taking out election fraud witnesses. We are all now living on an active battlefield. Millions of Americans being held as Prisoners of War by Democrat governor lockdowns. Media hit pieces and smears have morphed into acts of journo-terrorism. Censorship by big tech has now reached the level of domestic terrorism. Trucker blockades coming. Siege warfare against blue cities will begin. New executive order alters chain of succession at DoD in case Secretary of Defense (Chris Miller) is killed.

Biden, Harris to be named in DNI Ratcliffe’s Dec. 18th report… huge implications, Trump can leverage against Biden to try to force Biden to concede. Gen. Perna Operation Warp Speed / Vaccine D-Day briefing: Perna says “vaccine D-Day” is “the beginning of the end.” China is surrounding the United States via Canada and the Caribbean, and plans a combined land invasion and missile attack in the future.

Forensic audit of Dominion voting machines confirms their algorithms alter votes. Absolute proof now exists that the election was stolen via rigged tabulation software. Sidney Powell readies criminal RICO / Racketeering case against Dominion conspirators.

Sigh… that’s an awful lot of words to prove to everyone that you may be allegedly crazier than a soup sandwich prepared by a s**thouse rat. Just saying. At this point, even the definition of mental illness fails to adequately cover this level of self-delusion, and I’m starting to think that the possible fallback of prescription drug abuse, might actually be an upgrade of sorts, to explain just why these people live in a fantasy world so unbelievable, that even Walter Mitty himself would tell them to either step up their dosage of aripiprazole, or add a few more sessions of group to their weekly schedule.

But Mary is no one-schtick pony, boys and girls- she’s got quite the range, much like COVID-19 does now, or as HIV *[first known as GRID] had back in its day when it wasn’t considered worth combating, until straight white people started dying from it. On a related note: if there is a God, which I strongly doubt, I hope Ronnie and Nancy are strapped to an always rotating rotisserie in the bowels of Hell, being consistently anally-basted with the saltiest of the tears neither one of them shed for the victims they ignored.
*[Gay-Related Immune Deficiency]

Moving on… at the time of this writing, the COVID-19 pandemic crisis that was exacerbated by the mango man-child Mary adores, has claimed over 400T lives, not that such terrifying losses matter to her, if it means she has to actually think or act in regards to the well-being of others long before her own self-importance, that is. Nope, COVID is just another one of those insidious and treacherous plots concocted to make the former President look bad, and to keep both herself and her fellow unseeing citizens under the thumb of… well, I’m not entirely sure who the bad guy is supposed to be here, but I’m sure neither does she.

My bad. It seems I spoke too soon. Apparently, it’s the same Leftist / Socialist / Communist bastards who form the modern-day Democratic Party. Granted, while those may appear as four different and separate political ideologies to those of us, who’s brains aren’t comprised of rancid cottage cheese, to our BFF Mary, they’re all the same thing, regardless of what books, history and Realty say. I do love however, how she regards a public safety warning from our governor as a communistic edict, given the fact that she obviously has no clue what one of those is.

For the sake of clarity, this woeful woman lives in a township so small and understocked with distractions, that people from there, come to mine to have something to do, and the breadth of our “downtown” can literally be walked in under five minutes. And mind you, this assertion comes from someone who requires a cane to do so. We ain’t Dallas. Not by a long shot.

Here we see her getting upset that the EBS was utilized to warn people about the dangers of the COVID-19 crisis in New Mexico, and to offer some crucial advice regarding such, which Mary feels is a “misuse” of its intended purpose, which as we may all be suspecting by now, she most likely doesn’t know the parameters of. But then again, she may also be one of those people who think that 911 is the number to call whenever she spots someone openly wearing a “Black Lives Matter” t-shirt in her neighborhood, Where Reagan once saw a shining city on a hill, this woman sees Antifa crawling out of her hamper. Which is odd, because they’re more apt to be hiding under her bed instead.

In this post, Mary questions the reality of whether New Mexico was actually being affected by COVID, stating that there were only “18-20 cases reported by Memorial Day”. Overall, given what was going on in most of America at that time, this doesn’t sound so bad, and it wouldn’t have been, if her numbers were even remotely accurate, which to no one’s surprise- they weren’t. The actual tally was six dead, and 175 infected. Just a scooch off, I’d say. And given the possibility that every infected person could (in theory) infect three others, the conclusion one could draw from this, means that an initial total could have been as high as 525 persons, I’m thinking her math skills may be just as sharp as the ones she uses to do critical research.

It’s always adorable when someone can combine their paranoid ignorance and thinly veiled racism into one unit, is it not? For lucidity, let me just state that the city where Mary lives has as much of a chance of seeing a violent riot, as I do of seeing Milla Jovovich naked outside of a magazine, or Resident Evil movie.Oh look, it’s noted constitutional scholar Sarah F**kabee Slanders with yet another erroneous and false assertion regarding the document she used as a tampon during her tenure as Propaganda Minister for Donald Trump.… oops, I meant to say “Press Secretary”, Truly, I did. Not only is Saran and her lazy lying eye 100% wrong here, it’s also one of those pesky things that can be easily fact-checked using the merest of research, which as we’ve come to expect, Mary never bothers to do.

To note; The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” To be more concise, the 10th gives states all powers not specifically given to the federal government, allows them the authority to take public health emergency actions, such as setting quarantines and business restrictions. In other words, suck it Sarah- the government IS responsible for the health of its citizens, even its most willingly ignorant ones, such as Mary, and the compensated to be corrupt ones, such as yourself.

FFS… really, you dips**t? When soldiers are on your doorstep forcing you to wear a mask at gunpoint, then this cartoon will actually validate your previously unfounded paranoia. See, where I live, we have a city-wide mandate stating that masks must be worn while in stores, or in any other social situation where one may come into direct or indirect, contact with other people. You don’t have to wear one in your car, or in your shower, or in your home, no matter what the maskholes like to claim nonstop. A precautionary, if not wholly rational, set of guidelines to help possibly arrest the spread of a deadly virus. But for Mary? It’s equivalent to being under NAZI rule. How do I know this, past the implication of the asinine cartoon she posted? Well…

You “have a photo”, you say? Well then… could you produce it for us? And if you can, then why not post it to begin with? It wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that overall, the local police in New Mexico haven’t enforced the mandate unless the violation of such is egregious beyond the pale, would it? Nah, that can’t be it. But then again, demonizing the police is just par for the course, when it comes to the addled belief system of a mentally-deficient nimrod who is certain that CIA hit squads are “taking out” non-existent voter fraud witnesses.

With no due respect Mary, I’d suggest that this will never be a viable concern for you, because I’m of the mindset that if you do have any friends, they’re most likely either imaginary, or just as f**ked in the head as you are, so in regards to your absurd stance, I’m certain you’ve got nothing to truly worry about.

Once again, you delusional dumbass- THAT’S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS. How is it you can spend this much time using tech, and still have no clue what it can and cannot do? I can only imagine the unintentional hilarity that must present itself watching you try to reheat your pizza using your coffee maker.

“Hey everybody with a collective IQ of seven, let’s all get together in a concentrated group to protest having to be socially responsible and wear a piece of cloth over our faces for five minutes at a time, as we call those who do, “Snowflakes”, That’ll show the people in charge of protecting the public health exactly who they’re dealing with- WHO’S WITH ME?”  Easy answer, Mary. Other goddamn selfishly ignorant jackasses like yourself, most of whom will become intimately familiar with the intubation process, somewhere down the road.

And what would Qanon-style quackery truly be without America’s favorite White Supremacy rent-boy, the one and only Tucker Carlson?

Tucker, who it’s alleged by many, will most likely one day be found dead after his regular afternoon session of autoerotic asphyxia goes horribly right, is no stranger to the world of virulent misinformation and unhinged propaganda, having won the coveted centerfold slot for the annual “Racist of the Year” issue of White Incel Seditionist Magazine, no less than twelve times.

But leave it up to the only man who can make Ted Cruz appear Butch, to slither the extra mile in order to fellate the fires of Fanta fascism. So, let’s have some fun with it nonetheless, and dissect this latest blathering from the bottom boy to Sean Hannity’s middle, in the only way I know how. That being, the manner in which Charlie Sheen gets through an average weekend. Line by line.

TC: “Fauci is the High Priest of  the Covid Cult.
AB: This assessment brought to you by the Republican altar boy that gets passed around more than a carton of cigarettes does in prison.

TC: “A paper mask is his scared garment.”
AB: Says the guy who is just dying to wear his KKK cosplay outfit on TV just once,

TC: “Cable television is his pulpit.”
AB: There is so much unintentional hypocrisy in this one statement alone, It may just have given me an aneurysm, if not triggered my gag reflex.

TC: ”The people of Washington bow before Father Fauci.”
AB: This from a complicit tool who never takes off his knee pads as to where Donald Trump is concerned,  and who has never experienced the same level of respect from strangers because he’s a douchebag, but carry on, you fascist Republican leg humper.

TC: ”They throw their Patagonia fleeces before him to ease his way as he passes.”
AB: I seriously doubt that, considering how much one of those costs. Keeping in mind thatwe’re all about recycling and Green energy, does anyone really think we’re going to toss down abrand-new coat that cost $120.00 into a dirty street? I get it Tucker- you’re willing to drop your boxer shorts on command to service the GOP extremist fringe, but the rest of us have managed to keep our dignity. You should try it sometime.

TC: ”They consider him holy.”
AB: Um… no, we don’t. We’re just smart enough to listen to an actual doctor, versus an Adderall addict who once suggested that we inject bleach into our lungs, strangely enough,

TC: ”Now, the city’s mayor Muriel Bowser has made it official.”
AB: I hate to break this to you, but that’s not how Canonization actually works. In order to become a Saint, one must do the following: First, the subject has to be dead for at least five years. This is so the emotional whirlpool around the deceased can settle, thereby guaranteeing that ghe arguments for achieving sainthood can be evaluated objectively.

After the five-year limit has been reached, the bishop of the diocese where the person died can open an investigation to determine whether or not the person lived a life of virtue and service. If it turns out the person has, the bishop then asks the Congregation for the Causes of Saints, which is the branch that advises the Pope regarding saints, for his authorization on opening the case. If this is granted, the individual can then be called a “servant of God”. The Congregation for the Causes of Saints analyzes the acquired evidence of the candidate’s sanctity, and also seeks to certify that people have been inspired by the example they’ve set.

If the Congregation supports the case, it is then kicked upstairs to the Pope. If the Pope agrees that the person lived a virtuously heroic life, they are then labeled as “venerable”. To reach the next stage, known as beatification, a miracle must occur that has to be ascribed to prayers made in the name of the deceased individual. This is seen as proof that the individual resides in heaven, and therefore, is hence able to influence God towards the benefit of others.

However, these alleged occurrences must be “verified” by evidentiary proof before they can be certified as miracles. After which, the candidate is bestowed as being “blessed”. The lone exception to this process, is for those who died for their faith, and consequently, they can be beatified, as they are deemed to be a martyr.

The concluding step in affirming a deceased person as a saint, is known as Canonization. To acquire this hallowed title, the verification of a second miracle accredited to prayers made to the intrant up for consideration is required. Once again, Martyrs are the lone exception, as they need only a single substantiated miracle to achieve sainthood.

And while Fauci has dome many things in his career that can be called virtuous, the odds of being able to successfully running the Pope’s gauntlet is not in hs favor. But then again, his odds of achieving mythical God’s imaginary favor is far better than Trump’s face ever gracing Mount Rushmore, so there is an upside after all.

TC: ”Bowser has declared December 24th– formerly the date of a notable Christian holiday- “Doctor Anthony S, Fauci Day.”
AB: “Notable Christian holiday”? Does anybody want to tell F**ker that Christmas has as much to do with Jesus and the glorification of his birth, as I have to do with organizing the Cowboys for Trump monthly high tea? The actual origins of our modern-day Christmas, originally evolved from the pagan practice of celebrating the winter solstice, and not celebrating the mythical Son of God, Jesus Christ. To note- there is NO credible evidence anywhere as to when the prophet turned Lord or All was born, and therefore, Christmas is yet another one of those pagan revelries hijacked by the Christian faith, and rewritten to conform to their beliefs alone.

However, don’t you fret, because I have it on good authority that Santa is real, so you still have that going for you. Unfortunately, it was Jesus who told me this, and since he’s imaginary, you may want to take this declaration with some salt. But on the upside, I recently stopped mixing my Rum with paint thinner, and since I’ve done that, I don’t have those kinds of conversations any more. But I also think now is the perfect time for a break from this screed, and this spot is as good a place as any to stop, methinks.

However, I’m not done with this alleged seditious supporter of idiocy just yet- in fact, I’m just warming up, and when I pick up the baton, we’ll be delving into some as yet undiscussed hobbies of hers- alleged blatant racism and Islamophobia, her love of fake news, and of course, her cultish devotion to our recently disposed mango man-child moron, the one and thank Odin, the only, Donald J. (for “jackass”)Trump.

It’ll be fun. It’ll be enlightening. And it will definitely aggravate you as well.
Trust me… I am a writer, after all.

“For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.”- Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark

The Parler-ticks of Dashing. (Where Do They Gloat from Here)

“We got the message / I heard it on the airwaves / The politicians / Are now DJs / The broadcast was spreading / Station to station / Like an infection / Across the nation / Though you know you can’t stop it / When they start to play / You’re gonna get out the way / The politics of dancing / The politics of, ooh, feeling good / The politics of moving, aha / If this message’s understood” – The Politics of Dancing, song lyrics by Paul Fishman and released by the British band Re-Flex, in 1983.

Hello Blogiteers!

It’s finally (sort of) over. Thank God / Satan / Odin / Allah / Shiva / Zeus / Anubis / Hades / Ares / Ra, SpongeBob Squarepants and any other imaginary deity that can guarantee that not only will this country never have to deal with the Constitutional crisis that it just barely survived, we’ll also be graced with the lack of the visible presence of those inadvertently spawned by a cabal of absent fathers, and who’s best attributes were discarded prematurely on the inside of their mothers thighs.

While this wasn’t the main impetus fueling the crushing voting turnout that so happily unseated the domestic and international nightmare that was our Oompa-Loompa-tinted Wheezy Mussolini, it is still a joyous, if not unexpected, mirthful, consequence of such as well.

Now to be sure, it’s still too early in the game to predict what these collective Gravy Seals of Meal Team Six are apt to do, since they’ve just found themselves eternally cast in History as both a walking joke and cautionary tale, but if they attack as well as they debate, plan abductions, boycott companies, and showcase their critical thinking skills, I’m pretty sure that we’ll be safer than a prepubescent girl hanging out with Michael Jackson at Neverland Ranch, and probably far more consumed with unintended maniacal laughter, too.

Because when it comes right down to it, how seriously upon first sight, would you take a group of ideologically challenged xenophobic pinheads who willingly dress up and walk around in public like this?

I’m not trying to imply that this fine example of what happens when you fail to adequately fund both public education and access to birth control is some of the best unintentional comedy that this republic has seen in decades, due to the damage they’ve done to the fibers of its moral fabric, but c’mon…

even I have to admit that the level of ironically unaware self-ownership is epically off all the known charts previously entered into the public record. Despite the results of the godawful scheißshow that was this year’s presidential race, these human analogs for a bitterly undercooked pork and liver sandwich aren’t going anywhere or for that matter, away, anytime soon. The Jinn has been set upon the world entire, and it isn’t going to get back in its lamp willingly, now that it’s gotten a taste of power and the cultural influence resulting from the application of said catalyst.

This mélange of political inanity, racism, misogyny, bigotry, faux Christianity, stunningly hypocritical double-think, and an unfounded sense of pride in being blatantly ignorant, have all melded into a distillation of the worst aspects of Humanity, and while these qualities primarily comprise all that is, and all that will ever be, in regards to the abomination that is our outgoing dickless demagogue of dipshittery, it has also unfortunately produced a legion of cultishly devoted followers so educationally and morally imprudent, that even Caligula himself would be embarrassed to be seen in public with them.

And then there’s this sub-basement of larded losers we’ll still be dealing with for years to come.

It would be rather effortless to dismiss these not-so-Proud mamas-boys (and daddy’s-girls) as nothing more than imbecilic societal failures, even though this is not without some merit when seen within the grand scheme of things, but we should also take care not to smugly disregard what they may be capable of, if allowed to ferment unchallenged in the dark. Keep in mind that for every group of morbidly obese Jim-Bobs cosplaying urban soldier waddling in the wilds of Michigan or in the backwoods of Idaho, there’s a subset that’s actively planning terroristic acts with all the intensity of a fourteen-year-old boy checking out his first ill-gotten copy of Playboy.

Or given the technology of the current age, his first uninterrupted experience watching pretty much anything Pornhub has to offer. Or XNXX.com. Either/or. Different strokes and all that, no pun intended.

And while the majority of his pustulant disciples may retract their testicles of diminutiveness at the merest mention of ANTIFA, BLM, or an open library book, these future mental illness case studies and current FBI watchlist honorees, are more than excited at the possibility of picking up the metaphorical gauntlet in the so-called “defense” of their warped values as personified by the orange-tinted candy-ass they’ve pinned all their pathetic masturbatory fantasies of cultural domination to, but I digress.

This ain’t your daddy’s Republican party anymore, not that it has been for quite some time, but there’s definitely an arguably dark and deep chasm that’s developed between Ronald Reagans’ overly delusional “Great Society”, and the fascist-love-fest that the GOP has been willingly shilling hats, t-shirts, hate, divisiveness, and conspiracy theories for, since just before Barrack Obama was elected. And in their opinion, that wasn’t due to his serving as an example of how far American societal attitudes had matured, but to destroy everything that they held dear, such as the Bible, the Second Amendment, and protecting American hamburgers from the besmirching of Grey Poupon Mustard.

None of this is, or ever was, even remotely close to being true, but that’s how it was, and continues to be, packaged to a perpetually terrified white voter base no less than four years after the fact, as they believe a series of racist dog-whistles consistently blown harder than Melania’s next in line sugar daddy before the current one finds himself in jail, or if there is truly  indeed a God, before she not only sees her Einstein Visa revoked, but finds herself deported back to the makeup section of whatever passes for Walmart back in her native Slovenia.

Well that, or maybe we could just try calling her home-world and see if we can finally convince them to come and pick her back up, the next time they’re engaged in an act of what for them, serves as intergalactic cow tipping.

Let’s face it… It’s worth a shot. After all, they did take Andy Kaufman and Elvis back, which in retrospect, seems like a gargantuan mistake on our part. Just saying. But in our limited defense, it’s not like we had any prior warnings that Andy Dick and Nickelback were eventually going to show up.

There’s an old adage that goes “Evil never dies. It merely waits. And it grows stronger in the dark.”, so the most dangerous attitude we can take is to pretend all is well now, just because we hopefully managed to find the last Horcrux of Lord Moldyshorts. The reasoning that these cravenly cultists will go away quietly is not only overly optimistic, it’s also delusional as well, given their past and future desperation to maintain their death-grip on culturally political relevance.

Along those lines, an observation regarding evil penned by author Tess Gerritsen in her novel The Surgeon, notes that: “Evil doesn’t die. It never dies. It just takes on a new face, a new name. Just because we’ve been touched by it once, it doesn’t mean we’re immune to ever being hurt again. Lightning can strike twice.” While this may sound trite, given the fact that this wisdom is contained within a novelization based on the TV show “Rizzoli & Isles”, it does have a rather lengthy lineage of historical precedent as to its veracity.

For my part, the essence of what true Evil is, has always struck me as having the same dynamics of movement that mercury possesses. It flows effortlessly, regardless of whatever obstruction has been placed in its path, until its absorbed, and then the not-so-fun process of sickening the body begins in pure earnest. Whereas the previous symbols of Evil couldn’t be shown casually outside either carefully selected company or invitation-only locations, such as a Klan BBQ, an Idaho Compound, or a Republican family wedding and/or Fundraiser, the most recent visual incarnation of malevolent intent has singlehandedly managed to ruin both the color red and the former banality from which it sprang. I am of course, referring to this pile of merde one wears atop their empty skull to advertise their personal idiocy.

This symbol of wretchedly ignorant patheticness and faux-patriotism aside, the majority feeling within this country regarding the apocalyptic road show that has been the Trump administration and as to how its supporters will be viewed in the future, can be best summed up with the below meme, I think.

Speaking of which, given all that has happened within this flaming dumpster of depravity over the last four years, ranging from scandals of incompetence to outright corrosive corruption, the following question must be asked: “why are there any people left who still support this deacon of dumbf**kery in the first place?” Fortunately, I have the answer, and it comes literally from the horse’s ass… oops, I meant to say mouth. Mouth, I say!

This explanation of a belief system that for everybody else remains the closest thing we as a country will ever have to experiencing what a collective bad acid trip would feel like if we didn’t know the dealer personally, was best summed up by my newest right-wing BFF and twice-written-about human analog for sentient vanilla wafers, who issued the following insight for those of us snowflakes who just can’t grasp the concept as to why an otherwise normal human being would be so deliriously willing to lay down for a man who wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire. Once again, boys and girls, may I reintroduce the wit and wisdom that emanates from the lips of a man so proudly White, that he makes Mayonnaise present as the most exotic of all flavors…

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the one, and happily, the only… KEN CYKALA!!!
[A lone dog barks… a tumbleweed rolls by… somewhere close, a pigeon yawns…]

People? We’ve talked about this… when a guest like Ken shows up, you take his hood, his robe, his tiki-torches, and his pro-White supremacy memes, all while ignoring the fact that he smells like gasoline and bigotry, because that’s the job of a good host. And whatever you do, don’t let him know that none of the kitchen staff is white- we really don’t need him going full Kevin on us over his Turkey sandwich being handled by somebody he’d let mow his lawn, but not date his daughter. But as usual, Ken does serve a valuable purpose of sorts, and this time, it’s not to be just as an inadvertent subject of mockery. In Ken’s own inimitable words, which I will respond to in my usual style:

Ken: “If you are a liberal and can’t stand Trump and can’t understand why we want to vote for him let me fill you in. We don’t understand you either.”
AB: With no due respect, that’s just one singular item on an ever-growing list of things you don’t fully understand Ken, but I digress, because there simply isn’t enough room on the Web to go through all of what puzzles you here.

Ken: “You’ve done everything in your power to destroy this country by tearing down our police,”
AB: Yes, what a terrible position we’ve taken, holding the representatives of our civic safety personally accountable for murdering unarmed African-American citizens. That is, when they’re not abusing their mandated authority as they’ve been doing in ever-increasing incidents, as witnessed and recorded by the very persons they took an oath to protect.

Ken: “our cities, borders,”
AB: Would that be the cities that dare to allow minorities to live in close proximity to White persons like yourself, Kimberly? If so, I’d suggest you move to Idaho, and buy yourself a nice secure compound with really high walls, so that the scary darkies can’t remind you of their presence on this planet. And the best part? There’s plenty of alleged white supremacist morons like you, who are already entrenched like ticks living there already, so you’d feel right at home.

Ken: “and our history-systematically destroying our schools,’
AB: Oh no! Did a school actually tell the truth about how this Republic was founded on the racist and genocidal skeleton of eminent domain? Are the kids learning about slavery? Or our systemic racism? What about how we recruited some NAZIs, and let others escape Justice entirely? Perhaps they’re being shown why the Confederate flag is a sign of sedition and not culture?

Gasp! I wonder if they’re experiencing what capitalism has come to represent as they attend school via Zoom, while their parents stress out as to how they’re going to pay for food, the mortgage, and all their other bills, as our legislators refuse to do anything for them or about it, But don’t worry, because the billionaires got a much-needed tax break, and that always trickles down, am I right?

Maybe they’re being taught to think critically, and to review all available evidence before making decisions based on nothing more than hubris and ignorance? Sure, that’s sort of worked out for you, not having to actually think and all, but most of us like seeing the next generation using their brains to their fullest potential. Mainly, so they don’t turn out as ignorantly bigoted, hateful, and pathetically useless as you.

Ken: “brainwashing our kids to make them think that socialism is the answer to everything.’
AB: Does anyone else see the unaware irony in this statement? Good. I was staring to worry. The guy who was educated in the public school system supported by taxes, who drives to work on tax-supported roads, and uses utility infrastructure underwritten and maintained in place by citizen-funded revenues, and who posts his idiocy on a social platform that operates under the same, wants to give us a lecture on the evils of using other peoples’ money to help those very same people live their best lives… let us all pay rapt attention. And don’t forget to take notes.

Ken: “Demonizing religion and faith,”
B: Says the very same person demonizing any other religion that doesn’t qualify under his faux perception of what “real” Christianity is, and who needs to whine obliviously about how unfair it is that we won’t let him pimp Jesus out as a convenient excuse to be an abominable person. The sacred heart bleeds. And just for the record Ken, we don’t have any issue with you practicing your faith, what we take issue with, is you perverting the Word to justify your hurting of others who’ve done nothing to you, and pretend it’s Religion.

Ken: “glorifying abortion,”
AB: Ah, the pro-life dilletante who’s okay with cops murdering African-Americans, our President throwing immigrant children in cages, taking away food and financial aid from those who require it, and believes that BLM’s job is to fix all of the social ills that have vexed the African-American community for decades, regardless of whom or what is actually responsible for them, is morally offended by a personal and legal decision that he will never have to make, since he lacks both a uterus, and the inherent right to tell a woman what to do with her own body.

What Ken and the rest of his Handmaid’s Tale reenactors tend to overlook and on purpose, no less, is that even if they managed to end the legal practice of abortion, it won’t, in fact, actually cease to be. All it will do is end the practice of safe abortions. Hypocritically, these so-called Warriors for the Unborn are also the same demographic that fight against teaching sexual education in schools, and providing birth control access to those who want it, two measures, that actually decrease the rate of abortion and unwanted teen pregnancies.

Adding to this hill of less than noble aspirations, is the fact that once these children are born, people like Ken are the first to line up, sharpen their pitchforks, and light the tiki-torches of unfounded self-indignation, to malign those who carry the burden and guilt that Ken thinks Jesus would assign them. You know… if he had actually said anything about abortion in the first place? And Ken, NOBODY anywhere, at any time, or under any circumstance, has ever “glorified” abortion. They, unlike you, just understand that its not their right to demand that their voice be counted regarding what is in essence, nobody else’s goddamn business to begin with.

And if you are still ticked off about the act, then maybe you should consider the awkward fact that your mango man-crush with bone spurs of clay, is alleged to have paid for a few himself, although given his history of forcing sexual partners to sign NDA’s, the truth may never be known.

Ken: “violence and thug culture.”
AB: To be sure, if there is one thing the GOP is known for, it’s promoting the ideals of Peace. Just ignore a homegrown militia taking over governmental offices, or the Trump supporters showing up heavily armed and wearing riot gear to “patrol” voting stations, that is, when they’re not forcing campaign buses off the road in Texas, running protestors over in Charlottesville, or trying to subvert the Democratic process by threatening election workers.

And when it comes to calling for a civil war if the Fanta Fascist isn’t reelected, nobody does it laughably better than these than hardcore followers of the teachings of Gandhi, as evidenced by the compiled photo of pure Zen depicted below. And keep in mind, they’re not going up against an opposing crowd of protestors here, they’re this pissed off at seeing a news crew inside a rented venue full of their own kind:In fact, given how genteel his followers are, it’s almost embarrassing to even mention how many incidents of targeted violence they’ve been responsible for over the course of the last few years, such as physical assaults, vandalism, and race-based hate crimes, all in the name of their manatee man-child. But on the upside, at least they’ve taken a lot of the heat off the ghost of Tupac Shakur, so there is that.

Ken: “From calling us racist,“
AB: This observation brought to you by the very same man whose Facebook page reads like a combination Proud Boys toilet training manual and cookbook, but please carry on with the posting of your racist memes, false race-based statistics, and masturbatory paranoid fantasies about BLM, as you whine about how you’ve been unjustly tarred as a bigot, Vanilla Lice.

Ken: “to ridiculing us for having the audacity of saying Merry Christmas,”

AB: No, you’ve been ridiculed for seriously claiming that you’ve been ridiculed for uttering a saying that even devout Muslims use just as frequently as you do. Other than the fact that nobody on Earth has ever mocked anybody else on Earth for saying “Merry Christmas” for any reason, this may quite possibly be the stupidest metaphorical hill that you’ve ever chosen to willingly die on. It’s so goddamn asinine to be honest, that rather than make a joke at your expense, I’ll just move on instead, knowing that the odds of you accidentally killing yourself heating up your Hot Pocket just went up about a thousand percent.

And here I was, thinking that the probable cause of your ultimate expiration was going to involve the blatant misapplication of a reversed leaf-blower during a moment of self-pleasuring.

Ken: “or having a flag and celebrating 4th of July and standing for our National Anthem.”
AB: Once again, nobody on Earth has ever mentioned being offended by your Fourth of July celebrations, Ken. Well… except maybe the ones that certain alleged fans of your dogma hold on the front lawns of African-Americans at 3 A.M. in the morning, that is. And as for the whole “not standing for the National Anthem” garbage you Trumpanzees push as if you were Ecstasy dealers at a Midwestern college? It’s almost ironic, considering how often you guys fall for everything, so maybe you should just sit this round out, pumpkin.

Ken: “Or the Horror- wearing a MAGA hat out in public; so much for your tolerance!”AB: Weird that smugly walking around with a symbol of racism, misogyny, willing ignorance, and treason perched on top of your otherwise empty skull, would elicit such a strong reaction from people whose souls and intellect actually work the way they’re supposed to, is it not? And I’ll keep that plea for tolerance in mind, the next time your candy-asses are whining about gay marriage, the civil rights of African-Americans, Islamic mosques, the #metoo movement, BLM, Antifa, and women having autonomy over their own bodies and health decisions.

Out of respect for both the free-time and the sanity of my readers, I won’t even rehash all the hilariously unsuccessful boycotts you dips**ts have launched, just because some corporation dared suggest that perhaps, the non-white, non-Christian, non-male demographic that sadly has to coexist side by side with your allegedly racist ass, has the same rights as you.

Ken: “We are voting for Trump not because he is the most charming character on the block; but because we vote for policy over personality.”
AB: No, you voted for Trump because you’re a cabal of sociopaths who’s willing to bleed if the people you consider inferior to yourself, find themselves theoretically suffering more than you, due to the machinations of a man so narcissistic, he’s had the inside of his eyelids mirrored. And as to your claim of “policy over personality”? the only policy you’re hoping for is the one that reverses the 13th Amendment, and also grants you a sizeable discount when you get your white hoods and robes dry-cleaned. And as to the subject of personality, I’d suggest you endeavor to acquire one that wasn’t rented previously by David Duke.

Ken: “We are sick and tired of your divisive, destructive, ignorant and intolerant behavior and beliefs parading around like some kind of “wokeness”” .
AB: For the sake of clarity Ken, I wasn’t aware that the Left was the side primarily responsible for mass shootings, sending pipe bombs to Congresspeople, drawing up plans to kidnap Governors so that they could be tried in a kangaroo court, setting ballot boxes on fire, calling the cops on African-Americans doing nothing more that living their lives, arming themselves to the teeth when they go out for a cup of coffee, storming en masse into election counting stations and demanding that democracy be usurped, and blindly following a mushroom-dicked megalomaniac who needs to have ego rallies every two weeks, because even his own wife won’t f**k him without a check being cut first, but please continue with your self-owning soapboxing, as we all could use the laugh at your expense when it comes to the inherent hypocrisy masquerading as your opinion.  

Ken: “We are voting for Trump because of you!”
AB: Yep. It’s all our fault, and not because you’re a bunch of hatefully racist, whiny faux-patriotic bitches who, because of a chromosome-deficiency resulting from their family tree resembling a wreath, possess all the critical thinking skills that the progeny of a union between a urinal cake and a venereal disease might have. And let me be the first to thank you so much for pointing this out to us, so that we can work on our flaws and become much better people.

Hopefully in time, we can become just as racially paranoid and intellectually dim-witted as yourself in the long run. One can only hope. And if you actually believe that we’ll endeavor to do this, man have I got a bridge with a matching statue to sell you, because it’s become fairly obvious given your support of this throat cancer made walking flesh, that you’ll pretty much buy anything.

All of Ken’s unhinged ranting aside, it’s yet another nail in the coffin for the proof that even with Trump being taken out of the equation and his obsessively craved spotlight, we’ll still have the previously mentioned issue of intermeshed idiocy to deal with for possibly decades to come, given the current statistical models available for our perusal. And thankfully, I am not alone in this opinion, as the world’s view of our newly deposed Glorious Leader can be best summed up by how the lauded Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in Berlin decided to recently display their still smarter than the real thing wax sculpture of America’s spray-tanned s**t-spewing poster child for unchecked sociopathic narcissism to ever inflict itself upon others:

Damn. That move was so stone-cold, I could chill my drink just by walking past it. If anything, I think this act of exhibited contempt just goes to show that when it comes to the international community at large, Trump’s disastrous tenure has garnered the same respect that the director’s cut of “Bolero” did at the 1984 Academy Awards. And on a related note, Bo Derek was outright robbed when it came to the award for Best Actress that year, let me tell you.
But then again, maybe not.If I were to speak in my limited defense however, I was fifteen at the time, so a movie starring the hot chick from “10” cavorting around in the buff yet again for my late-night illicit amusement as her hair and makeup remain perfect throughout? Why yes, please. I’ll gladly sit through a film that makes 1984’s ignored cinema gem *“Ice Pirates” play like Shakespeare for that. And Ice Pirates actually co-stars Ron Perlman, so how cool of an unexpected bonus is that?

(All kidding aside, a great and super-cheesy 80’s flick, which I’d rank as being right up there with another 80’s diamond in the rough, Battle Beyond the Stars, which you can watch for free on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnvhVZOHDX8 )

Getting back on track, Trump immediately went to the subterranean closet where he’s hidden both his tax returns and marriage vows, and pulled out his box of threadbare classics, ranging from unsubstantiated cries of voter fraud to threats of legal action to stop valid ballots from being counted, which let’s face it, was what we all expected, given his fear of what prosecutorial actions are about to come his way, and that right quick. Keep in mind, this election has set a record for the highest voter turnout in 120 years. According to the US Election project, a nonpartisan site that tracks voting, an estimated 160M out of an eligible voting base of 239M cast their ballots this election cycle.

To give you some perspective, currently we’re seeing a 66.9% turnout, versus the 73.75% set by the 1900 election. That’s right kids- the last time voters turned out in a mass like this, was the very same year that the Zeppelin was invented. Ironic that one century saw the proliferation of an enormous bag of gas as a means to move the Industrial Age forward, and in this, the Era of Technology, we saw the removal of the very same, to achieve a similar goal. And even stranger, the failure of both parallels can be summed up in one photo:

Although to be fair, the Era of the Hindenburg might have had a few less NAZI’s to deal with, compared to whom Trump ultimately inspired, admired, and gleefully hired. The legacy that he will leave behind is one of presidential failure on a colossal scale as yet previously unseen, and the bitter truth he’ll serve up for his White Supremacist base is their knowing beyond reproach that the White guy they hired to destroy the achievements of a Black one, only showed that he and more importantly, they, were impotently inferior to completing the task. This however, does not negate the hard work that will belabor this country for years to come, as I have to wonder exactly how one manages to excise the vile residue of Trumps influence, and the people who are still swayed by it, off and out of, our country as it now currently stands.

The reality is that his base of bitchy bloviating blockheads aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, and not just because the ability to reintegrate them back into a civilized society may prove to be damn near impossible, but because of the lingering pandemic, that dually fostered by inaction and personal stupidity, bars them from traveling to anywhere that previously, might be willing to have had us. These people have had a taste of relevance, imaginary power, and feed off the palpable sense of fear that they can sometimes generate, so should any of us think that they would be more than willing to crawl back under the rocks from which they originally slithered?

By way of example, do any of you out there think for a second that this guy is truly open to a measured and logical debate? Especially when you just know that he touches his guns just as much as he touches himself, the only difference being that when he uses both hands during target practice, he doesn’t consider it as a three-way worth bragging about to his reflection.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking the act of self-love, but when you have to begrudgingly do it because your inflatable girlfriend consistently fakes springing a leak to avoid you touching her, odds are probably pretty good you’re walking around with one hell of a chip on that ham hock you call a shoulder. Combine that with an unfounded sense of being deceitfully socially marginalized, and that smoldering anger is equivalent to an entire case of Mentos and Diet Coke just waiting to go off, sadly f**king up that studio apartment they rent from their Mom in the process.

Hilariously, but not at all unexpected, the moronic mob that proudly wore this T-shirt to public events both formal and casual…

and who shrieked it as one of their rallying war cries, is now demanding that we don’t treat them harshly, something that I plan on doing with such frequency, that I may have to turn pro just to justify the tax deductions I’m going to claim regarding my efforts come April. But I will, for the sake of my personal grace, offer them one piece of heartfelt advice in order to ease their pain somewhat. And the best part of doing this, is knowing that to a one, they already own several items of clothing boldly emblazoned with my repurposed message of sympathetic self-determination, that they can wear to cheer themselves up every time they get down in the Trumps.

What was it they always liked to say, grinning with a smile only seen on the faces of serial killers when they run across a drunken coed, as they showed just exactly why most of them couldn’t open a Pop-Tart package without an adult’s help? Ah, yes… “GET OVER IT.”-17 goi- Trust me, after a few months of sporting this scarlet slogan of shame, all of these people will be right as rain, rest assured. I for one, can’t wait to see the amount of disingenuous rationalization that’s going to occur aa these sub-Americans try to convince us not only that they’re ready to sit at the adults table yet again, but that we can trust them with the sharp knives once more. Now, while some people with far better souls than mine may be genuinely open to this idea of reconciliation down the road,

I however, am never going to forgive those who willingly enabled this sociopath from the very first day that he took office, until the end of his presidency, which started with a ride down a golden escalator and ended with a savagely embarrassing press conference, located between a crematory and a dildo store.

Which hands down, is one pf the best political analogies ever witnessed in American politics, and serves as the best encapsulation of what Trump truly represented during his time in office: unavoidable death, and elements of sleaze that have no place in polite conversation, or our governance. The reality has always been that most former Presidents receive future accolades after their term/s of office, but I think Trump may be the rare public exception to this expected cornerstone of our now somewhat slightly damaged republic. Therefore, the question that arises is this: what glorification that his name could be attached to, is one that America would accept without protest?

Scratch a Presidential Library, as he’s never read a book, much less actually written one in his entire life, and I’m pretty sure that those halls of academia aren’t supposed to have an adult streaming section focused primarily on the cinematic works of Stormy Daniels, to begin with. There won’t be any sport stadiums clamoring for his name on the side, given his abominable comments regarding African-American athletes, nor will there be any cultural institutions knocking on his door, given his disdain for anything intellectually deeper than the veneer on his dentures.

And when it comes to the realm of successful personal endeavors, if this shell of a man couldn’t sell steaks, vodka, magazines, airplane services, a board game, or maintain faithfulness in his marriages, I seriously doubt he has the wherewithal to sustain his public presence far beyond the 2,102,400 minutes he’s already inflicted on the American people during his Reign of Error.

The only thing we still may have to suffer, until either cheeseburgers or New York’s AG takes him out, is his holding yet even more low IQ ego-stroke rallies, where he spreads both ignorance and COVID-19, as if it were glitter at a preschooler crafting party. And while he may no longe may have the national spotlight, he will still possess his nationalized front of *treue Kultisten that are not only still under his sway of influence, but are more than willing to finance his Ponzi scheme of creating a “defense fund” to challenge the valid election that unseated him.*[“Loyal cultists”.]

However, any donations under 8K goes to “Save America,” a Trump leadership PAC, or political and the Republican National Committee, and under Federal Election Commission rules, both groups have broad leeway in how they can use the funds. In theory, Trump’s PAC could spend money on other candidates, pay for personal expenses, of which, travel and hotel stays would be covered using this so-called “defense fund”. The breakdown is thus: if somebody donates 8k, the Save America PAC would receive 5K, and the RNC, $3,300K. If the same said donor contributed $500, $300 of it would go to the SA PAC, and $200 would go to the RNC, with zero going to the fund that the donor believes that they’ve actually contributed to.

This fundraising effort is yet another insincere fraud upon a pile of previous frauds enacted by Trump to bolster both his ego and his failing empire, one that he built on the most unstable swath of moral marshland that he could find, using other people’s money. And despite his self-claimed business acumen, this newest flaccid deceit will fail as spectacularly as his term in office did, for he simply has nowhere to go but down, and his enemies both real and imagined, will make sure of that, if for no other reason than the Schadenfreude that will come of it.

And while the rest of us might go to ground when faced with certain future prosecution and the after-effects of a legendarily humiliating defeat, both of which can literally be laid at his feet alone, Trump simply can’t do so, because quite honestly, his Ego doesn’t know how to gracefully egress.

Opining as someone who has “successfully quit” no less than 176 times, the act of drinking daily six-packs of Coke and engaging in consistent chilled Ding Dong gluttony, I can’t imagine that the process of stepping away from your role as a cult leader can be accomplished quite in the same way that one can stop smoking cigarettes, by going cold-turkey. Especially when it’s a widely known and accepted fact that you’re a slovenly s**t-spewing raging narcissistic sociopath to begin with.

Trump approaches Fame very much in the same way that Iggy Pop once did heroin, except for him, the act of forcibly withdrawing from the public’s eye is a fate possibly far worse than even the most terrifying of horrid deaths.

Speaking of withdrawal symptoms, it seems that the Trump faithful are going through some of their own, but unlike those kicking heroin, the resultant hope for these Rage addicts isn’t to improve their situation by reentering society, but to flee via the World Wide Web to another land where they, and others of their ilk, can hide inside their bouncy castles of reinforced intolerance instead.

Imagine that… the very same self-declared conservative bad-asses who mocked Liberals for needing a “safe space”, have finally come out of their Mom’s basement as the truly craven candy-asses we’ve always known them to be, and are migrating en masse to the biggest pillow fort of Pussitude ever coded, that being the Facebook clone known far and wide as Parler, or as many are currently calling it; “MeinSpace.”

Other lovingly bestowed names for this cravenly assemblage of sheer asininity, are as follows: Fashbook, OnlyFash, 4Klan, HickTok, Plenty of Fash, OkStupid, MoronMingle, KlansMenOnly, Flakebook, Meindr, CrySpace, and a newcomer that I’m both behind and against, that being “Reichbook”. The reason as to why this is so, is not too complicated to ascertain.

On one hand, I loathe consistently seeing my surname associated with these contradictory *Cronenbergs, and on the other… well, it was superlatively summed up by my best friend, who noted wryly on my FB page that; “I don’t know, an entire social media network dedicated to you seems on brand. 😉*[David Cronenberg is the Canadian horror film director best known for the cinematic cult classics, “Videodrome“ and “Scanners”. In popular slang, a “Cronenberg” is a grotesque, often mutilated being that resembles something one might find at a Trump rally.]

Undoubtedly, he may have struck the nail on the head with that one, but at least I could easily guarantee that my version would have far less NAZI sympathizers on it than the current FB does, and that Parler is hoping to attract to its website, which seemingly caters to the type of person who when they do get laid, it’s either due to an act of incredible charity or the forcibly applied use of chloroform. And most likely, that f**king will be done with their socks on, no less.

When you factor in the realization that their bank account balances are far too low to hire a professional for the evening, or in their case, a 20-minute pity-party at best, it becomes obvious as to why these terrified twittering twats have no choice but to claim the moral high ground as they once again hide under the internet’s bed, and wave their Chinese-made flags of cowardice and ignorance. For those of you who still aren’t hip as to what this alt-right Facebook is, here’s a brief synopsis, courtesy of yours truly, referenced from a previous blog I wrote about one of its alleged members, a local from around my neck of the woods who is the end result of what would happen if one took a jar of rancid mayonnaise and gave it both life and Internet access.

So, if I were to loosely paraphrase myself, I’d probably note that Parler, which launched in August 2018, is a website that hilariously claims to be all about nonbiased “free speech”, yet it’s content typically consists of far-right canonized mistruths, antisemitism, and conspiracy theories that are best suited for an audience dressed in tin-foil. Or maybe they could print up some special shirts for their newest members, as it seems the classic brown ones are back in vogue among them these days. Just an idea, from me to you, my *entzückende Soziopathen. *[You know the drill. Google it.]

But who exactly, is their stereotypical audience? That would be hardcore Trump supporters, conservatives, and oddly, Saudi nationals- three separate but concurrently warped demographics that abhor the purest aspects of Free Speech and Reality to begin with. So, if my case need be proven to those skeptics still remaining within the range of my writing it appears that if I were ever inclined to commit suicide, all I need do is climb to the top of this collective’s group Ego, and then hurl myself down to the level of its IQ, and voila… mission accomplished, and not without with leaving a fair amount of splatter behind as an achievement, I might add.

The last time I ever heard of this many members of a Fascist swingers club fleeing to a symbolic sovereign nation with no discernible extradition treaties, was right after World War two, when Argentina experienced a huge influx of German tourists asking desperately to overstay their visas by just a few decades or so. Now, this might be debated as almost admirable if it were honorable dissidents or the like seeking Sanctuary, but these, the most cowardly yield of the Trumpkin patch are so not that, as we shall come to see. On its thin as veneer surface, Parler markets itself as an alternative to Facebook’s notoriously uneven and arbitrary monitoring algorithms, as reflected in these screenshots from the site:

However, when it comes to its declaration of being a truly open free speech platform, the actuality of what it considers as such may be a tad bit murkier, the proof provided courtesy of the previous postings. To note;  “Customize what you see and who you interact with by filtering out sensitive material, bots (or accounts that identify as bots) — or even particular keywords you’d rather not see in comments to your parleys. Whatever you’d rather not see on your profile or feed, we give you the tools you need to do your own “shadow-banning” – while still leaving everyone else free to decide for themselves what they wish to see on their profiles and feeds.”

I don’t know about you, but for me, there’s nothing funnier than unintended and ironically hypocritical self-owning humor. Especially when you keep in mind that the people who get off calling Liberals “Snowflakes” for being overly sensitive to abominable speech, are fleeing by the flag-waving truckload to a website that unlike FB, allows them to literally filter out words and thereby ideas, that they don’t like, or more importantly, are openly terrified by the thought of. If there is a saving grace, its now knowing with no uncertainty just whom the most hateful of our fellow citizens are by their own declaration, and for that, we should offer them our gratitude for their self-identification, so that we may avoid them in the future.

Please note that I said “avoid”, and not “ignore”, for if left unsupervised and unregulated, Evil and Ignorance tend to grow unhindered when in the dark, and we’ve all seen enough horror movies to know what happens when somebody’s curiosity finally drives then to go see what’s been making all that noise in the unlit basement, haven’t we? What we as individuals, and America as a whole, needs to understand is that this exodus is really not a retreat, so much as a regroup, and the consequences of such will rear its ugly head down the road, and not long after we‘ve come to believe that the hate-mongering mythical Hydra has been laid to rest.

And while you may think that I might be referencing this particular Hydra;

I’m actually thinking of this one, instead.

Given how Parler’s newest devotees were (and still are) so eagerly willing to blindly accept the marching orders of a craven not fit enough to look at the Cosmic Cube AKA: The Tesseract, much less hold it.  And sure, while that’s an issue of his lacking personal character, it’s also due to the fact that his hands are so damn tiny to begin with.

[SPOILER: It so does not go well for him, so take a note, Donnie. Just saying.]

What’s equally parts pathetic, amusing, and somewhat terrifying, is the reality that he and his cult still think that they can retain their semblance of governing power by falling back on the classics they’ve employed since the 2016 election- threats of violence, judicial interference, unfounded charges of voter fraud, or in the most recent example of their literal disconnection, sticking their heads in the proverbial tar-sands, and fantasizing that Trump actually won reelection, despite the round of recounts proving otherwise.

This course of action was to be fair, not unexpected from the Cult of Personality that Trump has fostered, but it does prove that the truly hard work facing the new administration of swiftly repairing what damage has been so successfully wrought by Trump and his enablers, hangs above their heads as if it were the Sword of Damocles. This in my opinion, is exactly what the GOP planned when it became apparent they’d have to give back control of the country whose fellow citizens they maligned, terrorized, and outright murdered thousands of, through incompetence and hubris.

Rest assured however, that his base doesn’t, and never will, see it that way. For in their perverse estimation, they are the true “victims” in regards to their current state of affairs, which they themselves helped create, and continue to feed, even at the risk of their own personal safety, whether that translates as ethically, financially, or spiritually. In fact, as the untenability of their situation has become more crystalline to even the dimmest among them, their desperation to avoid its oncoming fallout becomes ever increasingly more frantic.

Witness the “patriots” protesting outside ballot counting stations, their “Million Man [more like 10K, actually] MAGA March” in DC, and the continuing bleating about launching a “Civil War”,  and that tells you just how frightened they really are about themselves being cast aside in favor of the core values that they long ago turned their backs on, if not leveraged their souls in lieu of.

Even more indicative of this collective meltdown were the postings on social media as the tide turned against Trump, even in states that he once had a political death grip on. And like any cornered and wounded animal that might have internet access, his base lashed out with all the classic hits, such as: “Voter fraud”- none proven or detected. “Fake news”– it’s amazing we never had any until we got a fake president, huh? “Illegal votes being counted”– also, no proof of this. “Dishonest and corrupt media” – say the people at FOX, the paragon of honesty in journalism. “Mail-in voting is unsafe”– which is why the majority of Trumps cabinet, including Trump himself, used it to cast their ballot. “George Soros paid…”- I wish, as I could really use the extra money. “Hillary did…”– no, she did not.

And in a blast from the past, the favorite GOP boogeyman of the last twelve years, 44th President of the United States, Barrack Obama, who is allegedly responsible for the worst crime in the history of politics, that being “Obamagate”. Even though nobody, including his accusers, can explain exactly what so-called crimes were actually committed, and against whom. But that didn’t stop my newest BFF Ken Cykala from reaching into his Deep State gift bag, and pulling out a meme that has literally nothing to do about anything, because when it comes to spotlighting what happens when you stuff vanilla-scented bigotry and a stuck caps key into an Aaryan sausage casing, and let it loose upon the world entire, Ken’s the poster child for the cause:

AB: I’m not sure Ken, maybe it has something to do with the fact that Obama wanted to improve education, end wage inequality, grant healthcare access, solidify civil rights and justice equality, and promote our image abroad as a beacon of hope, versus your losing one-termer mango man-child who purposefully did the opposite, due solely to his spiteful obsessiveness with a Black guy whose legacy he couldn’t surpass, using both of his freakishly small hands and a truckload of debunked propaganda.

Weirdly, I wasn’t aware that quadrupling the national deficit, using the Oval Office as an unhinged bully pulpit, hiring your unqualified kids to key positions, installing boot-licking sycophants to run cover for your illegal endeavors, praising dictators, saluting their generals, overlooking the murder of an American resident by the Saudis, lauding NAZIs and White supremacists, ignoring your presidential responsibilities, refusing to address bounties placed on our soldiers by his Russian puppet-master, lying nonstop, imprisoning children in cages, and oh yes…

Mismanaging and ignoring a pandemic which [at this time] has killed close to a quarter-million Americans, and forced the permanent closure of over 100k American small businesses, was an act of “love”. If this is how Trump expresses his sense of romantic affection, I can only imagine the true horror unveiled when he “hates” something with every fiber of his flatulent ferret-topped being. It’s way past the time Ken, when you should have realized that he’s an abusive boyfriend, and you’re just one in a long line of disposable side-pieces that he loves to smack around when his Ego gets bruised. That is, when he condescends to notice you’re even alive in the first place.

There’s been several queries bandied about regarding what Trump and his fans endgame truly may be, but it’s not that hard to figure out- he wants to stay out of jail and remain drunk on power, and they basically want to see that happen for him, even if it comes at the cost of their own (but preferably others) safety and/or well-being. Need proof? Just read Ken’s recent declaration below that he’s perfectly okay with our nation and its citizenry, which includes HIMSELF, being put at grave risk, because he seriously believes his mango-man-crush was treated far worse than anybody else in presidential history.

To quote: “Will no other President (the Bushes, Clinton, Obama) were treated the way Trump was treated.” Misspelling aside, it’s almost embarrassing to point out that Lincoln, Garfield, and Kennedy might disagree with that, having been assassinated and all, but I guess he also thinks right-wing media and its pundits referring to the Clintons as serial murderers while their audience went on to post images online depicting Obama being lynched and declaring he wasn’t a true American, was what Ken considers the height of civility, huh?

I’m not entirely sure what Ken’s parents did to him during his formative years to justify his continuously embarrassing them in public, but I’m starting to think that particular debt’s been paid back in full, with compounded interest, by the very nature of how this sack of rancid milk continues on in his bigotry.

ut here’s the rub that Ken and his kind either don’t realize, or want to accept, and it is best phrased by the character of Tony Stark, billionaire playboy/industrialist and Marvel superhero Iron Man, in a cinematic exchange with Asgardian villain Loki, in the midst of a pivotal battle taking place in NYC: “You’re missing the point! There’s no throne, there is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it’s too much for us but it’s all on you. Because if we can’t protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we’ll avenge it!”

As the sadly not at all singular example of Ken clearly proves, there’s a lot of hateful Red Hat Brigade meatheads still out there, who may even possibly be prone to violence, just waiting for another opportunity to present itself, but in the end, they are inconsequential to what this country is and what it really represents. And no matter how they protest that their president is or has been treated “unfairly”, the truth is that he has not only brought all of his woes upon himself, but could also care less about whom he uses or hurts to save himself, and he’s proven it almost every day for the last four years, without pause or redemption.

However, there is a positive slant to all we have experienced, and the recent election cements that optimistic POV of mine, past reproach. Sure, he should have been defeated in a brutally crushing landslide, and the fact he did not is worrisome, but despite all the threats, gaslighting, political intrigues, and attempted voter suppression by the GOP, the system still worked. Even when faced with the multiple bogus court challenges and pointless ballot recounts that Trump tyrannically demanded, in a a pathetically spiraling attempt to stave off the inevitable, which is the unarguable fact that:



And thanks to his unwarranted recount demands, we got to see that event happen over and over again, which in my book, never truly gets old. Please feel free to cope with it in any manner that you wish, since as by your fleeing FB, you’ve willingly ticked off the “most cowardly” box on the safe-space-snowflake checklist, so what’s one more embarrassingly revealing flaw of character on the pile you’ve worked so hard to previously establish?

Not surprising however, is just how many of these Rethuglican refugees from Reality have also as of yet, not deleted their FB accounts, despite their assertion that they’re leaving if for good. The reason for this has nothing to do with keeping in touch with family or friends, or even wanting to stay tenuously involved in the relevant discussion taking place, it’s all about them getting their daily fix of acrimonious endorphin.

Understand that by surrounding themselves with like-minded individuals, the odds of their coming away with an “I owned the Libs today” story is close to zero, thanks to the false equivalence that they themselves have constructed, and they need that interaction to add a sense of depth to their otherwise empty and soulless lives. Without that, they truly are, and most certainly have, absolutely nothing of note to either offer themselves or brag about to their comrades at large, and they know it, which is why they refuse to surrender that tenuous thread, regardless of how it contradicts their so-called principles

Piece of advice, my Warriors of Wussiness? The threat to you isn’t coming from the outside, because betrayal isn’t an act set in motion by your enemies. Given yet even more of the hypocrisy they’ve become infamous for, I can’t wait to watch what happens when these political piranhas realize with slowly dawning horror that the calls from the masked killer were coming from inside their doublewide the entire time. These Disciples of Douchefer have not only started eating their own, they look forward to doing so, despite the fact it’s what will lead to their ultimate destruction in the end. Let’s face it, you know things have gotten weird when it’s the Trumpers who are the ones chanting “FOX Sucks!” louder than the liberals.

There’s numerous jokes going around about betting squares regarding what the next cultural morass of 2020 would be, and I personally went all in on the murder hornet thing, but Trumpites going after the openly propagandistic arm of their cravenly Cheeto-in-Chief, but here we are, sans the murder hornets, but painfully overstocked in the crazy-as-f**k cultist department.

But then and once again, since these are the people behind the million-moron movement, maybe we as a society, shouldn’t be all that surprised that they may not only have a few screws loose, but possibly may have also over-tightened a few select ones as well, now should we?

That last image says it all, I think: mentally obese, fueled by jingoistic paranoia, and blinded by the faux aura of a person so repellent, that even the unlucky residents of the 5th Bolgia in the *8th Circle of Hell, don’t want to be associated with him. *[In Dante Alighieri’s “Inferno”, Malebolge is the name for the eighth circle of Hell. When translated from its native Italian ino English, the titler stands for “evil ditches”. It is described in Dante’s Inferno as a large, funnel-shaped cavern, which has been divided into ten concentrical circular trenches or ditches, each dedicated to a particular sin.

The 5th ditch is filled with boiling tar. and is reserved for barrators, who committed the sins of graft by profiting from their political offices. They are to remain eternally submerged within the boiling tar or else face being stabbed by demons armed with pitchforks. Wow, Cartoons actually got that part right… who would have guessed that?]

But this putrid pack is not as cohesive as it once was, as evidenced by the numerous advocacy-based groups of either former or still current Republicans who’ve not only taken to condemning him publicly, but like *The Lincoln Project, have also undertaken to directly attacking him using the very same media he both loves and abuses to endlessly manipulate his base of fetid offal, most of whom can pass as human, thanks to their closet full of badly-tailored human skin suits. *[The Lincoln Project is an American political action committee assembled in 2019 by a group of both current and former Republicans, whose goal was to thwart the re-election of our currently refusing to concede, Loser-in-Grief, Donald Trump, along with the other complicit Repugs who were running to maintain their positions as well. Adding to their metaphorical flip of the bird to Trump as it were, the committee announced its endorsement of President-elect Joe Biden, in April of 2020.]

w, while some political pundits have decreed this as a moral victory for the ages, let’s not forget for any amount of time, that these very same people waited almost four years to reinstall their cojones and ethical compass. Why this is so, may present itself as a matter of conjecture for the crowd at large, the reason for this is definitely quite clear to me, thanks to my sense of inherent cynicism. Granted, in the past, it’s true that most Republicans would openly vow they’d only vote a straight ticket with some degree of pride, it’s fairly obvious that most participants involved with The Lincoln Project are willingly exploring their Bi(den)-curious side as of late, an exploration of self that I find rather insulting at worst, and disingenuous at best.

Let me explain this pessimistic assessment, if I may. As I see it, if you still openly self-identify as a Republican, and haven’t been protesting this morally decrepit administration and the Cheeto Führer who’s lead it follows, then you’ve either been asleep or distantly complicit. In my opinion, most of these so called Bravehearts are actually indeed, the most scurrilous of turncoats, who are not to be trusted. Republicans have always tended to be a demographic that along with modern-day so-called Christians, truly don’t give a damn about anyone or anything, until it affects them personally, and only then, will they go after the issue with the same fervor that they display when they see that their gay neighbors across the street are flying a Pride flag in their front yard.

In my personal opinion, this current crop of people chanting “It wasn’t us”, are no better than Jeff Flake, Mitt Romney, or John McCain- three morally ambiguous politicos who all grew a spine either on their way out the proverbial door of governmental employment and into the private sector, or off this planet, as McCain did. Once Trump made their lives or political futures uncomfortable or untenable, they couldn’t jump in fast enough to “protect America”.

To be clear, I am in no way attacking McCain’s military service record, or tarnishing his atrocious experience as a POW. After all, unlike Trump, he not only answered the call of duty when asked to, he honored it far beyond what was expected of him. That said, I truly despised him as a politician, given his willingness to overlook certain abominable aspects of his party, his bravery in wartime notwithstanding.

What these so-called people of conscience are trying to protect first and foremost, before the rest of us or even this country are taken into consideration, is their social status, political capital, and personal reputations, and that’s it. Yes, there have been more than a few who’ve been fighting Herr Comb-over since day one, but the majority of them have not, opting instead to sit on the sidelines, nervously waiting to see which side emerged victorious, before choosing whom to ally themselves with for the final push. In other words: too little, too late.

I’m glad you found your keenly dropped sense of patriotism my faux Americans, but you can take that newfound buyer’s remorse of yours, and shove it sideways, because you weren’t unaware of who he really was when he slithered in. You were tested. And you failed. Not just your country, and your fellow citizens, but everyone you claim to care about, and yourself as well. I’m sure that you feel that absolution should be granted upon you, now that you’ve shown up far too late on this side of History’s fence, but I’m also as certain, that if Trump had gotten his way, you’d still be wearing his hat, waving his flag, and chanting “Lock Her Up!” with all the passion demanded of a lobotomized monkey at one pf his *erbärmlich Nuremberg-esque rallies.*[“wretched”]

As far as I’m concerned, you should never be allowed to have a seat at the adult table again, because you proved you weren’t mature or selfless enough to warrant it in the first place. But look on the bright side… at least you’re free of the responsibility and burden of ever having to be trusted again by anyone whomever was naïve enough to place their faith in you to begin with.

So, to recap… a multitude of candy-assed dickless demagogues who’ve been screaming “Get over It!” since 2016, ignore their own edict, willingly flee to a safe-space so overly padded and protected against the possibility of their being exposed to reality and opposing points of view that one could fall upon it from a low-earth orbit and not suffer a scratch, as they post memes and false narratives from under the Internets bed that they seriously believe will reverse the outcome of the Presidential confirmation.

All of this, as their Cheeto-tinted Jim Jones refuses to concede an election that he lost fair and square, and amusingly, after demanding recounts… LOST BY EVEN MORE VOTES, YET AGAIN, which let’s face it, makes this the most glorious case of reinforcing the self-destruction of one’s Ego that has ever been witnessed. Prior to, and continuing during this mass exodus, a smaller group of Republicans decided to publicly step across party lines, out of fear for either possibly being held complicit for their roles in the enabling of Trump, or due to the resultant political residue his long-overdue fall may have upon their careers in the long-term.

Did I miss anything? No? Cool. Just wanted to make sure I was on point, as when it comes to the activities of the Petite Penii Stadium Patriots, a wary eye is necessary, In a pack, they may present as a snarling mass of muscle, but when faced mano-a-MAGA? Blubbering bigoted balls of bloviating. Considering that even his previously loyal attack terrier FOX News is calling out the lies he propagates without fail, it just might be about time for someone to go check the current temperature in Hell… just a thought. I’ve said it before, and I know I have to say it again, but I don’t get nearly enough credit for not having a backyard dotted with shallow graves… yet, that is.

However, these rats hiding in the theoretical shadows of the s**thouse they call Parler, fail to compare to the Mini-louse currently hiding within the walls of the people’s house, safely behind guards and barricades, neither of which will protect him from America’s judgement come January 20th of 2021. Moreover, I am also really enjoying the fact that every day during his numerous hours spent utilizing his “Executive Time”, he literally gets to witness the metaphorical wall being quickly erected between him and his rapidly diminishing power in regards to a position of authority he never should have been given access to in the first place.

Not only did he lose the election and the popular vote by a margin of 6M, his far better respected opponent won by the EXACT NUMBER of Electoral votes that Trump did when he “defeated” Hillary Clinton in 2016.

At the time, he lauded the achievement as a “tremendous win”, but now that it was shared by his desired replacement? Well obviously, it must be rampant “voter fraud”, right? Even worse, his hand-picked judges are ruling against him left and right, reporters once cowed by his bluster are openly mocking him to his face, his once-loyal subordinates and lackeys are jumping ship, his main media squeeze FOX no longer kisses his ass, and even the OAN and his Twitter account are being threatened by the very same platforms that once let these both run roughshod.

Can you even imagine what that must be like to experience? It has to be akin to a condemned prisoner watching the local townspeople slowly erect the gallows that they’re eventually and happily, going to hang you on. And worse, not only is it going to be televised worldwide, but feature entertainment and celebrities that to this day, won’t even acknowledge the fact you invited them first to your housewarming party four years ago. That’s gotta hurt, to say the very least.

Man, when even Nickelback or Andy Dick won’t return your phone calls, you my friend, are done.

Irrespective of the fact that the light at the end of the tunnel is Lady Liberty’s torch, this collection of covidiots and drunken regret still maintains he will remain in power, notwithstanding of what Constitutional Law and the votes cast by their fellow Americans say. It’s not that they can’t accept his loss because of their limited intellect, it’s that they don’t want to accept his loss because it challenges their limited intellect. They can claim America is on the road to ruin or Hell, which as we all know, is paved with cruel intentions, but it’s all for naught. In the end, their vision of America is not the America that will evolve from its time spent annealing in the hellfire that Trump and his followers spread far and wide as they did their idiocy.

Speaking only for myself, I love the concept of an America where people are provided with the basics of what they need to be happy and taken care of. Access to affordable healthcare. Social programs for the needy. The end of corporate welfare. Universal basic income. And the rich finally paying their fair share of taxes too, an idea which should also be applied to churches. People who vote have to pay taxes, I see no reason why religious organizations who attempt to influence the laws of this land shouldn’t do the same. Unlike the alt-right gaslighting us all regarding the “evils” of our society taking care of each other, rather than corporate masters, as they whip up false narratives about minorities, I’m a big fan of what America already has to offer, beside those things we’ve all come to take for granted.

Things such as: a multicultural society that has not only brought us the underappreciated gift of taco trucks, but forward progress and unlimited diversity as well. I love that there are towns where drag queens read storybooks to kids in public libraries, and nobody gives a damn. I love that American atheism has never killed anyone, or brainwashed people into believing that they are truly moral only if they hate somebody else or their lifestyle, without logical cause. I love that I and everybody else, can write or say whatever we like regarding this country and its actions, because let’s face it- every now and then, we need to call Truth to Power to those who are supposed to serve us, and not the other way around.

And I love the fact that even when grave mistakes in judgement are made by the citizens of this country, they can still be reversed by harnessing the will of the People, as this past election just proved. However, that still won’t change the minds or adjust the attitudes of the 73M + who still voted for the man who is already being accurately viewed as America’s worst president, and regardless of what proof is presented, their slavish faith in him will remain as indissoluble as the first time they witnessed him and his mail-order bride coming down that golden escalator.

But despite this pessimism of mine, we should still take heart as to what the positives are that this seemingly inexhaustible mass of mental-morbidity will provide us over the years to come:

Cautionary tales. Endless jokes. Sentient walking punchlines. Proof as to why libraries, public education, and birth control access should all be funded 100%. Even more damning evidence highlighting exactly why the Evangelical Marys’ of MAGAlene should be kept from ever accessing the vital machinery of creating American policy. And most certainly, the end to the use of the maxim that “Anybody can be President”, as if anything, the boundaries of which, have been stretched far past the point of what was originally intended by the Founding Fathers.

What I am anticipating however, is the apt to be convoluted rationalization by these covidiots as to how the candidate they painted as wholly senile if not unpopular with the American people, still managed somehow, to oversee a shadowy cabal of conspirators plotting to “steal” the election away from the trustworthy man of the sheeple who once claimed in regards to the popular vote of the race he eventually won, that 3M people voted illegally, and that he had proof of this, yet for some odd reason, never presented it to the public.

My guess is that this evidence is being kept in the very same place where his marriage vows and tax records are stored.

Literally, I cannot wait to see how that desperate gambit plays out, given the fact that Trump’s legal challenges team, assembled by repeatedly watching select late-night-tv commercials, has either been laughed or rebuked harshly out of court no less than 35 times. Thirty-five occasions BTW, where they have yet to provide any proof of the voter fraud that their terrified toddler keeps insisting cost him winning the election that he and his boot-licks maintains he won by “a lot”, no matter what the numerous closely observed recounts and court losses have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt.

But one strange aside… despite Trump’s unfounded claims of voter fraud, that term has yet to be used in any of the bogus cases he’s set forth before the courts, and even his own attorneys have consistently played the “inconsistencies” card when questioned by judges, rather than prove the case for what Trump publicly says they’re fighting.

Why is that, do you think?

Well, it’s pretty simple, overall. First, there are penalties to egregiously bearing false witness in open court, but not so much in public, as long as you stop short of what could be considered actionable slander. Second, Trump’s base of red-meat fans couldn’t be as easily dog-whistled into a state of mindless and unquestioning frenzy if they knew (or believed) the actuality of what had really occurred, and third, it is most assuredly certain that he couldn’t charm his brainwashed sheeple to willingly open their checkbooks to finance his lifestyle one last time if he conceded defeat without giving them a scapegoat first.

Leopards can’t change their spots, and grifters can’t stop grifting, and all that. One thing I do get however, is their love for the conspiracy theory that Trumps team of ambulance speed-bumps have been touting as the “truth”. Not because it fills in hypothetical gaps with any credibility, but because it’s so bats**t crazy, it can’t be proven one way or the other. Oh wait. Yes, it can actually be disproven quite easily, because there’s no evidence to support the claim whatsoever, and as I noted a moment ago, IT’S COMPLETELY F**KING INSANE to start with.

This steaming pile of a Giuliani fever-dream that is being disseminated, is that the 2020 election was stolen because a left-wing software firm, connected to Hugo Chavez the deceased (since 2013) dictator of Venezuela, abetted by China and with the willing participation of a handful of set-in-place Democrats and disloyal Republicans, illegally switched hundreds of thousands of pro-Trump votes via a system utilizing corrupted software, thereby illegally swinging the election over to Biden instead.

One recently dismissed (and just as quickly disavowed) member of Trump’s legal team Sidney Powell, went so far as to claim that the algorithm” concocted by said conspirators, “broke down” because Trump’s public support was so strong, that Democrats were forced to use a far more insidious Hail Mary pass of sorts, altering the vote with mail-in ballots that were “slipped in” during the dark of night. Trump himself went on to dump even more fuel on the conflagration that was started under his direction, when he granted a 45-minute call-in interview to his long-term on-again, off-again friend with boot-licking benefits, Maria Bartiromo.

The interview, which could only be charitably be described as “unhinged’ at best, as Trump railed against everyone and everything under the sun, took place during her show “Sunday Morning Futures”, airing of course, on FOX, serving as the atypical sewer conduit for Trump’s lies, half-truths, and expected level of self-aggrandizement that would make even Gene Simmons blush, as Trump dropped yet another one of his never-to-be-proven falsehoods regarding the election he fairly lost, that being: “This is total fraud, And how the FBI and Department of Justice… I don’t know… maybe they’re involved, but how people are getting away with this stuff…it’s unbelievable.”

So, the people that are supposedly involved in this, the biggest political crime in American history, are as follows: a software company funded by American capitalists, China, a handful of set-in-place Democrats and disloyal Republicans, the elected officials of several states, ranging from common poll workers to governors, and a dictator that’s been dead for seven years, and all of this was done in plain sight, but yet somehow left no actionable evidence, as if it were a surprise pop quiz involving Schrodinger’s cat.

And oh yes… the Media is complicit as well, because it won’t report these unfounded claims wholesale without seeing some evidence first.

Regardless of what Reality, the courts, or the ballot trail says and proves, his cult will always play the victims of cruel circumstance, and will continue to ham-fistedly defend their world view to bolster their collective delusion, and nothing short of a lobotomy will change that. And we should all just accept that we’re going to be stuck with these jingoistic jackasses for far too long after the dust from Trump’s flaming train wreck of a presidency has settled upon the sticky floor of the porn shop bathroom stall where his Presidential Library will be located.

Be it far from me to dare suggest that we spend any of our free time in the future engaged in trying to annoy, torment, pester, plague, badger, harass, heckle, persecute, irk, bullyrag, hex, vex, beset, bother, tease, belittle, bother, or taunt those poor pathetic wretches who may still be sporting his hat, his flag, or his bumper stickers with pride, for I’d like to think that as a civilized society, we’re above the trappings of being or acting that basic. Wallowing is their niche, and I say we leave them up to their necks in it.

Sure, we’ll still have to keep an eye on them even as they hide under Parler’s skirt, but like all movements abhorrent to what makes us both human and Americans, the moment they rear their ugly as sin faces and start vocalizing their dumber than dirt protestations, they’ll end up spitting out said inanity through a mouthful of what used to be their once firmly-rooted teeth, because not only will we be ready, we’ll be waiting, fully armed and forewarned.

But not until we’ve sold them all of our gently used “Not My President” memorabilia, and turning a hefty profit, of course. There’s no law after all saying we can’t be pragmatic, now is there? After all, it would be the purest use of the capitalism they claim to adore so much, and I’m always up for using the common ground against a common enemy, so there is that.

However, I would like to end this newest of screeds on a somewhat comedic note in reference to bracing for the ongoing idiocy we’ll be dealing with for years to come, and in order to do that, I’m going to once again highlight some wholly unintentional humor recently posted by my favorite example of what an Aaryan Nation toy company might produce as an inaction figure, and yes, I meant that deliberately. Let’s welcome our honored guest with the same warmth as one of those cross-burning fires he’d happily use to cook a hot dog, because in the end, while he may be an alleged racist, he’s also quite the pragmatist… ladies and gentleman, I present to you one more time, my favorite bloviating bigot, Mr. Ken Cykala!!!

I tells ya- this guy is never anything less than a cornucopia of cluelessly tone-deaf comedy, and the best part? He doesn’t even have to work at it. I’d even go so far as to suggest that his father would be so proud, if only Ken knew who that sorry bastard actually was,

Yup… racism in America was on its last legs, and facing its own mortality, so close to being dead in fact, that we as a nation, were able to openly mock it in a satirical film released in- wait for it… February of NINETEEN SEVENTY-FOUR. It’s truly amazing what you can learn when you unplug your brain and open up your ears to the rambling of bigoted inbreds, isn’t it? I simply had no idea that between 1974 and 2008, racism was a “thing” no longer, due to the fact that a comedic film’s tongue-in-cheek take on the issue had dispensed it a nearly-fatal blow.

Just like how the propagation of Nazism ended with the release of “The Great Dictator” in October of 1940, and the well-known fact that we all breathed a collective sigh of relief when the Cold War and the threat of the USSR was stopped dead in its tracks when “Dr. Strangelove” saw the light of a brand new day in 1964, but the best was yet to come, when the scourge of organized crime became nothing more than a memory, thanks to 1972’s “The Godfather”. And when one takes into account how the mythical Overlook Hotel was destroyed in the Television mini-series adaptation of Stephen King’s “The Shining”, I can only assume that malevolent ghosts are also something we no longer need worry about either, thank Odin.

Who among us can forget that breathtaking moment when “American X”, premiered in 1998, and the decades-long reign of terror foisted upon America by its homegrown White domestic terrorists ceased? I guess the KKK members that openly endorsed and embraced Trumps run for president and subsequent racist policies and stance, are all just enthusiastic reenactors of historical drama, and all those Confederate flags we see at his rallies, belong to die-hard fans of the band Alabama.

But just for the sake of playing Devil’s Advocate, here’s a few minor events that happened during this bucolic period of the Utopian racial harmony that Ken falsely ascribes to, starting with: the Boston desegregation busing crisis, NAZIs openly marching in Skokie, Illinois, a series of racial-based riots in Chicago’s Marquette Park neighborhood, NYC’s Blackout riots, the murder of José Campos Torres at the hands of the Houston police, which resulted in an all-out riot one year later.

There was also; the riot in Miami following the acquittal of four Miami-Dade Police officers in the death of an African-American man by the name of Arthur McDuffie, the deliberate bombing and subsequent partial destruction by the Philadelphia Police of a residential neighborhood occupied by an African-American militant group known as MOVE, and a truckload of other incidents that I won’t / can’t list here, due to space and time constraints, if not the fact I still need some semblance of my sanity to remain somewhat unblemished.

What’s even more hypocritically hilarious however, is the well-documented history I’ve previously presented here in Artbitch regarding the numerous bigoted statements that Ken kas posted online, that underscore the fact that he doesn’t care about actual racism, he just wants us to believe he does, so that he can continue to use the issue as cover for him to push his agenda that Whites are the true victims of it. Let me sum up, if I may. Ken is not only wrong as usual, he also once again, shows just why his mother should have swallowed, and failing that, why his father would have been better off buying top dollar drinks for the other girl he first saw at the end of the dive bar he was slumming in.

Sure, I may have discovered all of this easily accessible history just by doing a 28-second Google search, but I can’t expect Ken to do the same, since he’s been ever so busy building his “no liberals allowed” pillow fort in the ever so brave reinforced fortifications of Parler. I’m not entirely sure what one should offer to such a cravenly individual hiding far as he can from Reality as a housewarming gift, but I’m sure a cartoon-themed nightlight to keep the scary black people from sneaking up on him and stealing his binky while he sleeps, would probably be the safest bet.

Do they actually make one that looks like an Aaryan SpongeBob? I have so much research to do on Amazon, methinks. But don’t worry- I kick serious ass when it comes to my giving people what they need. Oh wait, my bad. I meant to say that I kick ass when it comes to telling people what they need to hear, and not what they want to hear. It’s truly a gift. In all honesty, I actually sort of suck at the whole present thing, but I’m sure Ken appreciates what I have to say nonetheless, even if I show up sans desired gift at the front door of his pussified Parler palace in pink.

I just have to ask: how goddamn f**king stupid do you have to seriously be, even when you already identify as holding a racist worldview, to give credence to the belief that the blatant bigotry generated and displayed with great hostility towards an African-American, was the “fault” of the very same person, and yet still claim with a straight face, that prior to this, that America was no longer suffering from racism? How dare a Black man be legally elected by the will of the people into a position of power that for 232 years, has been the province of White men alone?

The nerve of that guy! Next thing you know, he’ll be asking for the right to vote and to share your water fountain as well. I don’t know what concoction of chemicals or prescribed drugs Ken may be allegedly abusing in order to come to this dizzying corruption of pure logic that he has, but whatever they ostensibly are, I would opine that they make Crack look like a cheese danish, by way of comparison. Ken is to the promotion of racial harmony what Donald Trump is to the showcasing of marriage fidelity in my opinion, so his take on what constitutes it, is about as valuable as my advice as a partial amputee is in relation to teaching the art of Irish step dancing.

But that’s sort of my point. No matter what we do, we’re stuck with these morons, their ignorance, and even worse- their conspiracy theories and unfettered access to the internet. So, we can either get pointlessly angry over it, or get comfortable laughing hard at the absurdly evil, as we should.

They want to still attend their pathetic Ego rallies starring a ranting packet of insecure and delusional Kool-Ade? Let them. They want to flee to Parler like the candy-asses they are? Help them pack, and clean up FB in the process. Just remember to keep a wary eye, and if they dare stick their heads above the merde they so happily wallow in, feel free to drop an ACME anvil on it, and move on. In the end, we’re all going to be fine. After all, this country survived both World Wars, the Great depression, and the rebooted Mission Impossible TV series, so the track record for success is already there for us to follow.

At best, these sub-Americans are the newest *Poisson d’avril”  recipients of our upended political landscape, and at worst, a self-replicating cancer that still may threaten our far too fractured society for decades to come. A thought that should chill the communal soul, if given more than a passing glance, and one we should definitely not ignore at the risk of own peril. *[From the French: “April Fish”, which were pranks played on those persons who refused to adopt the new Gregorian calendar introduced by the Council of Trent in 1563, and which is widely considered as the origin for the April Fools’ Holiday we now celebrate.The term comes from the prank of placing paper fish on their backs, symbolizing both a young and easily caught fish, as well as a gullible person.]

This fermented in the dark before, and most certainly will do it again, if left to the machinations of those who would rather take the easier path of just ignoring it outright, as they so happily did prior to the election of Barrack Obama, the eternal boogeyman of the GOP, and the Slenderman of Trumps nightmares. But to quote from the James bond movie Quantum of Solace, as a means to craft a relevant analogy for the situation at hand;

Mr. White: “You really don’t knowanything about us.It’s so amusing because…we are on the other side, thinking, ‘The Ml6, the CIA, they’re looking over our shoulders. ‘They’re listening to our conversations.’ And the truth is you don’t even know we exist.”

M: “Well, we do now, Mr. White, and we’re quick learners.”

Mr. White; “Oh, really? Well, then, the first thing you should know about us… is that we have people everywhere.”

However, when it comes to the pro-Trump, pro-conspiracy, and pro-crazier-than-a-s**thouse-rat movements within this country, that’s the gospel truth. They really DO have people everywhere, and up until recently, we really didn’t know anything about them either, past the point of accepting without question that they were just this side of being full-blown sociopathic twits. And that was on our best day, I might add. But now? We know their playbook. We know their moves. We know how they mobilize. We know their tropes.

And of most importance, we now know exactly how to assist them being the cause of their own self-destruction, by our allowing them to weave the very same rope that they’ll inevitably garrote themselves with, secure in the delusion that we aren’t paying attention again. All we ever need do is keep the light of what is the reality of things shining upon them, and just like the roaches that they emulate, they’ll either scatter to the four winds, or run off a cliff, as lemmings of lesser intellect have been rumored to do. Sure, they can attempt to run and hide in the shadows of the Web as they did before, but this time, that ploy won’t be nearly as effective as it once was, and they only have themselves to dually thank and blame for that.

In the end, the easiest way to keep an eye on your enemies, both real and perceived, is if they’re all conveniently gathered in one place, so gratitude must be extended to Parler and all the other sites catering to its ilk, because you just made that task a thousand times easier, if not more fun for those of us who truly enjoy shoving the Disciples of Ignorance back under the rocks they originally slithered out from. Harshly as all legalities would allow, that is, as I for one, wouldn’t want to trigger any of these so-called Americans into launching a tirade they poorly cribbed off of a bumper sticker.

But in their limited defense, tirades and running away to self-isolating safe-spaces is all they’ve ever had. And being cowards, it’s the only thing they’ve ever been good at.

“The Seven Social Sins are: Wealth without work. Pleasure without conscience. Knowledge without character. Commerce without morality. Science without humanity. Worship without sacrifice. Politics without principle.” -Frederick Lewis Donaldson

Sciencefaction Guaranteed (Orville that ends Well)

“Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark. Begin at the beginning. Tell Gregory a story. Make some light.”- Kate DiCamillo, The Tale of Despereaux Greetings

 Hello, Blogiteers!

 I won’t speak for any of you, but I for one, see some major personal and socio-cultural possibilities contained within Americas current apocalyptic phase, masquerading under the razor-studded umbrella of business as abnormal. Granted, over 200K of us have needlessly died at the hands of a wheezy Mussolini who by now, should have been turned into a human piñata homage in the way the source of his nickname was, but I’ll digress for the time being.

It’s become rather obvious that when we find ourselves back on the doorstep of Normal, battered, bruised, and far more cynically enlightened than we were before all of this started, we’re going to need to have a rather intensely focused discussion as to what parts of normality we should keep, and what we need to jettison out of our lives, as if it was that one Ex who slept with all of our friends.

 And not the hotties mind you, the ugly ones, which somehow… makes it seem that much worse.

I can honestly say that if you had told me four years ago that I’d be living in an America that was incompetently and dangerously overlorded by an even uglier and denser Biff Tannen from the Back To the Future Movies, I would have been forced to remind you yet again why that one Tupperware full of what appears to be Brownies in my fridge was so heavily marked in Sharpie as being “special” for a reason. So, two lessons to be learned here- the first that maybe, just maybe, we need to get rid of the electoral college and the as of late, disastrously proven theorem that anybody can be president, and the second being that I need to do a far better job in working out where to store the end result of my mystical brownie recipe in the near Future, methinks.

However, in a refreshing change of pace, I’m going to eventually discuss at some point in this, the newest of my screeds, something happy and snarkless for a change. I know, I know, it strikes me as somewhat weird too, but let’s just roll with it as a group, shall we? For those of you who know me personally, and for a lesser few of you who feel they’ve gotten to get a sense of me from my writing, it’s fairly obvious that I’ve got a touch of the Geek about me, and I wave my dork-flag with both pride and devotion.

Not only do I own a collection of vintage comic books and Star Trek / Star Wars toys, including no less than five lightsabers, I have a fondness for traditional cel cartoons, computer animated films, science-based documentaries, and as you might expect, science fiction films from every era, and of every conceivable plotline. This affection for such films literally not of this world, stems from a couple of impressionable moments from my childhood, some good, some bad.

The good; seeing Star Wars for the first time as an eight-year-old with my Dad, and realizing almost immediately that when I grew up, I was going to choose being a Corellian smuggler as a career, no matter what my Dad, science teacher, and local policemen told me. And this they did, more than once, I might add.

The bad: existing as an underweight geek in high school, and realizing that no matter how impressive my knowledge of the Sith was to my fellow Jedi, it wasn’t going to score me a hot chance in Hell with that cute Goth chick in my art class, so a literal fantasy world where brains were more important than your looks, who your friends were, or even what spaceship you flew, seemed very appealing to me at the time, as it sporadically does now.

Given what’s currently going on in this country, whether the negative aspect can be laid at the feet of either politics or the increasingly fractured rules of civil discourse, the escapism available to be found within the limitless worlds of sci-fi seems more relevant than ever, whether we find that distraction in the perversely twisted darklands of Dystopia, or the serenity of Utopia, as set forth by the literary and visual architects of the crafted tales.

Now, I could waste your time with yet another soliloquy of how 1980’s “Flash Gordon” is one of the best big-budget “B” movies that has ever hit the silver screen, or discuss in detail using scale models and an amazing PowerPoint presentation, as a means to bolstering my go-to argument that hands down, “Event Horizon” and “Alien” are two of the scariest films in existence, regardless of their sci-fi roots, but my soon to be jotted-down musings aren’t about that which can be labeled as either camp or terror, but about something that this country has regrettably had a dearth of since electing a vile bigoted bottle of Adderal-infused spray tanner as a leader, that being a quantifiable sense of hope.

If the reason why such a feeling of despondent foreboding currently exists isn’t all that clear to you, let me just illustrate why this is by taking this moment in time to… [Artbitch gestures expressively to include, well… everything.] As with most things, there isn’t just one factor as to why this is, but most of our current mental miasma can be traced in some part to the proliferation of the most creative, and yet concurrently destructive, forces within the sociocultural sphere, that being the combined duo of the Media and the Internet.

I’ve written at length multiple times before, so I’m not going to take a stroll down those particular alleyways of thought again, but I will call attention to a sidebar that has been percolating in the ol’ brainpan for a while now. No matter the invention, it’s uses as either a salve or a salvo rests solely in the hands of whomever wields it.

For instance, the Media in its best incarnation, can be used as a conduit to educate, entertain, or inform, and in its worst embodiment, is corrupted to obscure, terrorize, or deceive. The Internet can do all of this as well, but its reach is far more insidious in the end, for unlike the Media that must swim forward as if it were a shark to survive, the Net can endlessly recycle specific ideas and theories, regardless of what information arises to challenge it. For clarity, I’m not referring to the standardized tropes of crime, race, and gender that currently passes for journalism in this country as of late, no, what I’m addressing is the 24/7 virus of selective spoon-fed data that is the bread and circus of the World Wide Web.

So, as noted earlier, the ability to personally unplug as it were, has become not just fortunate, but crucial. And for my money, nothing offers up the chance for a personal mental vacation better than the cultural influence of the science fiction genre.

 But what are the parameters of such, you ask? The generally accepted definition is varied, due to the myriad of difficulty defining a set of unyielding borders for this range of creative endeavors whose authors, critics, scholars, and readers, balk openly at the thought of having clearly demarcated limits placed upon them in the first place.

Despite this, a rough argument could be made that Science Fiction, which is also known under the shortened moniker of “sci-fi”, is a vast genre of theoretical fiction that exemplifies inventive and innovative concepts which incorporate advanced science and technology, galactic exploration, time travel, and the idea of limitless parallel universes, and the possibility of alien races, as its most basic cornerstones. It has been called the “literature of ideas”, and often uses for its fictitious and artistic plot points, the potential after-effects, be they moral or wicked, regarding the introduction of social and technological concepts into either a new, or long established, society.

 Science fiction can also encompass the related genres of fantasy, horror, (as I noted earlier) and superhero fiction, along with the varied subgenres that can result from the intermeshing of ideas and germinated storylines. And due to its fantastical flexibility, it can also address the issues of the modern-day in a way that most of its contemporaries cannot, as the TV series Star Trek did, and continued to do, long after it’s heyday of popularity.

For many, being lectured to in regards to an uncomfortable issue, can be a hard and bitter pill to swallow for all involved, but wrap it up in an ice-world with bikini-clad sorceresses and laser-guns, and you’ve created a willingly captive audience who will accept your morality tale masquerading as entertainment, to an apogee that in the end, hopefully inspires a recalibration of their point of view.

Now at this point, some of my more regular and dedicated readers might be wondering why I’m even presenting what at its best, might be openly construed as a widely divergent tangent from my normal Bag O’ Bitchiness, but trust me, it’s far easier for me to do this, than go on an a much deserved and unhinged NERF-bat bludgeoning spree. Typically, I relish the ensuing and inevitable confrontations that result from what I write and openly say on various Social Media platforms, very much in the manner of how a four-year-old regards Christmas, and to be honest, that rapturous joy sustains me far beyond the pale of what one might expect.

My literary formulation has been purposefully designed to call out heightened attention to what I find to be ethically lacking, albeit in people or institutions, as well as hopefully starting a decisive dialogue regarding such. However, the last three things I’ve written have stuck around for far longer than they typically are apt to do, and the cold repercussions that usually result from the stance that I take, are punching back far harder as well, this time around.

Normally, when I write about persons or situations that I find particularly toxic, the residual ichor that I’ve acquired doing so slides off my psyche as if I were a Teflon-coated duck, but not this time, and I’m pretty sure I know why. What I tend to write isn’t your archetypal type of tale that  can be whipped up and out in ten minutes- there’s a TON of research and vetting that goes into my literary endeavors, which a fan of mine once described as “fishhook story-telling”, the graphic descriptive referring to how difficult it was to just stop reading my stuff, put a metaphorical pin in it, and come back later to finish it off.

Essentially, they said that every time they were ready to do so, the next paragraph would throw out a series of hooks, and pull them back in. Granted, I do find this praise flattering, even if it calls to mind some distressing scenes from the Hellraiser movies.

 Keep in mind that for the last three months, I have been walking through a human personality sewer in regards to the last two people I’ve written about, and that, solidly up to my neck. The first being a disingenuous hypocritical faux Christian, whom, while annoying, hardly qualified as truly anything more than a walking punchline, ripe for mocking. If anything, I find it extremely ludicrous that some people in my small community listen to, and hold a modicum of respect for, an alleged middle-aged hypocritical harpy who openly supports Trump, while claiming an unshakeable faith in a Bronze-Age Sky-daddy fable.

A myth that not only demands your eternal groveling and total submission, but for some strange reason that is as yet unexplained, also requires a fair amount of your hard-earned cash as well.

So, either the mythical God has an exceedingly worrisome gambling addiction, or perhaps his pimps are skimming off the top. Just a thought. Other than their inherent hypocrisy, the only other thing that got under my skin was their asinine assertion that lauded actor Tom Hanks was, and I swear that I am not making this up, a serial pedophile who had been arrested in Australia, and had been fitted with an ankle monitor, so his movements could be tracked if need be.

Yes, you read that right. The guy who played Mr. Rogers, is in *fact, a sexually deviant pervert who has a thing for molesting innocent children And yes, I have a screenshot of her meme to prove it:

*[This is NOT a fact. It is however, a clear sign of a possible underlying mental illness, though.]

You can literally feel the love of Jesus radiating out of her, can you not? Let’s face it. When you come across somebody this paranoically stupid, all you really can do is take a deep breath, and make sure that they don’t have access to scissors, the car keys and remote control, and most importantly- the voting booth and a sexual partner, so they can’t make any further contribution to the shot-glass depth end of the gene pool. But when it comes to the other individual, I excoriated in not one, but two separate screeds? JFC, that guy [in my opinion] is not only an absolute racist loon, he’s worthy of his own statue in whatever inbred white supremacist enclave that would look upon that type of person as a role model. I’ve come across his type before, but I’ve never seen a bigot who was this virulently dedicated to the cause of racial divisiveness as he seems to be.

 Every time I took a deep dive into his social media to gather my acorns of research, I came away with a little less optimism that Humanity was running along just fine.

Here’s the thing I found truly bizarre, if not wholly unsettling: no matter how hard the effort, and no matter how you may try to camouflage it, your personality and who you really are, bleeds off whatever site you may be using, even if you are prone to doing it casually. As part of my ongoing “Aggravate the Trumpanzees” campaign, I use all the information that can be gleaned, and the best source for reconnaissance is usually the Internet. It’s literally an open book, chock full of the most personal and sensitive information.

Due to this risk of having my own out-of-context life used against me, my FB page is private, but unfortunately, I cannot do the same in regards to my IG profile, as I use that platform as an open conduit to promote my creative endeavors, and political viewpoint. And if you think I’m an opinionated jerk here, I can assure you beyond reproach, that you’d really hate my presence there. 

 But this person’s social media isn’t an open book, as much as it is a case study in paranoia and a warning of what happens when ignorance, bigotry, and inanity are granted internet access. When I started unpeeling the odious onion of my subjects openly on display for all to see psyche, it just got more disturbing the deeper I dove. My disquiet strangely enough, wasn’t due to his bigotry however, but more to the unease of discerning that there wasn’t a single example of what most would consider common humanity to be found anywhere within his online activity… at all.

What I mean by this, is that if you go cyber-cruising through the backroads of the online lives that draw your interest, you’ll notice a few similarities to your own, interestingly enough. There’ll be examples of personal interests and hobbies, postings from close friends, maybe even a few pictures of family gatherings, just-born babies, phone videos of your kids or dog doing adorable things, maybe some recipes, a few jokes, long with the inevitable political memes and particular opinions regarding such.

 All perfectly normal… for most of us, that is.

 Nevertheless, when it comes to this particular person, I can only note that over the years, I’ve written about a lot of people, and they’ve all had their unique quirks to be sure, but they at least all shared the common ground of being able to pass as human, even if they did it by less than a hairbreadth. But this guy would not only fail the Voight-Kampff test from the seminal 1982 sci-fi cult masterpiece known as Blade Runner, he’d do it while complaining the whole time that Black Replicants were getting special treatment.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m culturally referencing, the fictional Voight-Kampff test was utilized by the Blade Runner unit of the 2019 LAPD to assist in the sometimes-difficult task of determining if a particular individual was a member of a manufactured human class, known as Replicants, which due to their status as products and not as sentient entities, were outlawed on Earth under the unarguable penalty of their being involuntarily “Retired”, also known as an automatic death sentence.

 That’s an upbeat vision of the Future, isn’t it? To be honest, after solidly perusing all that I’ve compiled in regards to his ideology and non-humanistic leanings, I’d opine with a somber conviction that if you tugged on his face just a little too hard, his skin would tear away to reveal a lizard-humanoid underneath it, just as it did in NBC’s 1983 classic miniseries, “V”. For legal reasons, I’m not suggesting even for a second that anyone out there should pull on this dude’s face as if it were Stretch Armstrong’s or a blob of Silly Putty, but I would advocate that if you notice him staring at your pet hamster as if it were a Snicker’s bar, you just might want to rethink that whole movie night get-together you’ve been planning, and leave it at that.
As I noted earlier, the majority of fully functioning online humankind could easily show that they are indeed people, and not sentient mannequins, but I doubt my budding tiki-torch wielding advocate for the *weißer rennen could do so, unless he pulled an all-nighter, and crammed for the test in the very same way he filled that otherwise empty melon on top of his neck with all that ignorant bigotry he’s so fond of.[”White Race” in German]

As I stated earlier, when I write about somebody, I dive deep, for a variety of reasons. The primary being that I want to make sure that I’m correct in my initial valuation of who and what they are, and the remainder to ascertain whether or not the resulting screed will have the legs to carry itself more than a few metaphorical and staggering feet. As one might and should imagine, it’s an unevenly loaded milk crate at times, and sadly, my mental filing cabinet is stuffed chock-full of concepts and opening paragraphs that went nowhere.

 However, in retrospect, I would have rather ended up in Nowhere than where I eventually landed, a place so devoid of that which makes us human, I thought that maybe I had stumbled onto a spoof profile. But no, he’s real, and somehow, that’s far more terrifying than the philosophy he infects others with, hands down.

Why do I feel this way, you ask? Because on his profile, there’s none of the aforementioned human touches I referenced earlier. No personal photos whatsoever with friends, family or even a dog. No humorous videos. No memes that aren’t either racist or ignorant in their scope. And most disturbingly, nothing that dissuades me from my unease that given the right conditions, he could pop off like a can of soda that’s been left inside a hot car. I’ve never seen a profile like his, and I’m a guy who while doing research for an eventually unpublished piece regarding the Neo-Nazi movement in Arizona, spent his time knee-deep wading through the pages of its various supporters.

Did they proudly stand behind their racist views? Hell yes. Did they post abominable memes and “proof” like our previous subject does? You betcha. But even these chromosomally-deficient lunkheads had what our fictional Replicants craved- evidence of human contact. Granted, most of their photos depicted either racist rallies or them showing off their White Power tattoos, but at least they could brag about having friends, and outside interests, odious as they might be. But not our guy. He literally and obsessively, focuses on three things: BLM, African-Americans, and the Democratic party.

To be fair, I too, have been accused, and more than once I’m afraid, on being a tad overly attentive to certain things to the point of all distraction, but even I will throw in a random cookie recipe from time to time to break up the monotony.

 But in regards to my previous blog subject, I keep having a premonition that one day in the future, he’s going to be both a headline and the lead story on the six o’clock news. And that right quick, if it doesn’t become clear to him that notwithstanding the quirks of melanin, we’re all stuck on this space-rock together, and the only way we all move forward is to do it together. That sentiment may sound as if it’s covered in treacle, but it’s also relevantly true. Life is far too short to spend it wallowing in paranoic hatred, and unless you’ve made some personal deal with your mythical God, past the point of serving as an eternal bad example, you’re not getting out of here alive anytime soon.

So, if it’s at all possible, perhaps they should sojourn their personal crusade of impersonating a vanilla douche for five minutes, and take a look at what their legacy is going to be, because the ramifications of it are certainly not admirable, to say the very least.

 Gah. Enough of this. I promised you something happy, and so, I shall deliver. I am a man of my wors after all, and I’d like to keep my good standing as such. Not to mention, I’d hate to lose my discount at Nice-Guys-R-Us. Let me tell you, there’s nothing that will adversely affect your sense of internal Zen like walking through the wasteland of somebody else’s shattered humanity, and sadly realizing that you may have no cumulative effect for the better by attempting to perform an act of *Kintsugi upon it.

Some people can most definitely be saved, if only from themselves, but not everyone can be salvaged successfully, and that’s the hard truth. Hopefully, this person can de-ass their head and get it on straight enough to willingly re-join the rest of us who understand and more importantly believe, that hate should have no home, either in one’s community, or in one’s soul. Just my two cents.

*[ Kintsugi (AKA: 金継ぎ, “golden joinery”, kintsukuroi (金繕い, or “golden repair”) is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by fixing what has been broken with lacquer mixed with either powdered gold, silver, or platinum. However, it also has a guiding philosophy attached to the act of repair, as it views breakage as part of the history of an object, which results in the repair being purposefully visible, rather than hiding it from perusal.]

So there I was, feeling like I had just spent a week being a featured extra in a German Scheisse video, wondering just how I was going to get the toxic stench of his bigoted bulls**t off of me, and searching for the strongest of distracting entertainment to assuage the feeling that I had been camping directly under my own metaphorical version of *Kjeragbolten since the start of writing about it.

But where to start? I tried Disney+, but documentaries and cartoons both featuring helium-voiced rodents didn’t quite make the cut. Netflix was okay, but I can only handle so many Bollywood movies before I want to start immolating the nearest Tandoori takeout, and when it comes to Amazon Prime, I get queasy at the thought of Jeff Bezos, who is the closest thing this planet will ever see to having it’s very own Lex Luthor, using my hard-earned money just so he can make the corpse of Steve Jobs seem almost friendlier and warmer by comparison. *[Kjeragbolten is the name of a massive boulder, stuck solidly in a crevasse of one of the more popular tourist locations in Norway, a mountain known as Kjerag. Set 1000 meters high, tourists with obvious thrill issues, take delight in potentially risking their lives by posing atop the boulder, which in my opinion, just goes to prove that some people really need to watch less Roadrunner cartoons, and read a book or two involving the Laws of Physics.]

 And thus, I finally found myself within the land of HULU, a streaming service which apparently when I wasn’t paying attention, raided the closet where I store some of my favorite science fiction shows, and copied the inventory list:

 Space 1999?If you’re gonna die, you might as well die on Alpha.” Firefly? “Yes sir, Captain Tightpants! Rick and Morty? You son-of-a-bitch. I’m in.” Akira? KANEDA!” Futurama? My story is a lot like yours, only more Interesting ’cause it involves robots.” Twin Peaks? Every day, once a day, give yourself a present, The X-Files? “I scream, you scream, we all scream for nonfat Tofutti rice dreamsicles.” Star Trek TOS? “Now, I don’t pretend to tell you how to find happiness and love, when every day is a struggle to survive. But I do insist that you do survive, because the days and the years ahead are worth living for!” Star Trek TNG? Life’s true gift is the capacity to enjoy enjoyment.” Deep Space Nine? Think of it! Five years ago, no one had ever heard of Bajor or Deep Space Nine, and now, all our hopes rest here!”

 And man, was there hope. A few weeks’ worth of it, actually. And all of it boiled down to a series of full-on binging sessions, happily fueled by a seemingly endless supply of room-temperature Dr. Pepper, precisely chilled Ding Dongs, and a cast-iron bladder. As I racked up the hours wandering through the multiverses emanating from my flat-screen TV, I was transported farther and farther away from the difficulties of this currently f**ked-up sphere, and into worlds where if they didn’t have viable solutions to offer in relation to their own issues, the unfettered optimism that one day they would, remained as unbreakable as their faith in the resilience of the human spirit.

Even if the essence of this spirit was sometimes personified in the form of aliens that could be blue-skinned, asexual, ten feet tall, telepathic, and hopefully possessed with a murderous penchant for snacking on still-living, and hopefully still-screaming, Ewoks. After all, a boy who truly despises Ewoks can still have a dream, can’t he?

 Of course he can, because goddamnit, this is still America after all. Or it might not be. I haven’t checked the news yet to see where we’re currently at, so y’all might want to take this opinion with about a pound of salt until I make certain that this is correct. My joy from contemplating a He-shed built from the skulls of slaughtered creepy space teddy bears aside, this interlude of laconically wallowing within my orb of self-care did resharpen a few theoretical points of mine that have been blunted by my grueling daily regimen of constantly throwing spanners in the works of as many Repubutards as I can amass within reason, and sometimes, even beyond that. The way I see it currently, is that we’re all being tested for the Future, and we have a clearly defined choice of paths that we can take to determine who and what, we truly are, if not what we wish to be.

We as a people, can either strive for the Humanistic Utopia presented by Star Trek, or we can just collectively throw the metaphorical towel in, break out the tire-shoulder-pads, and commit to devoting ourselves to living ala Mad Max style, because those assless chaps aren’t going to wear themselves, now are they? But before we go one way or the other, let me suggest a third option that overall, is far more realistic, and may lie somewhere in between the middle of Paradise and chaining criminals to cars that are about to explode, with the only escape made possible by sawing through one’s ankle.

You know, like we’ve all been forced to do at some point in our lives.

Getting back on track, one of the most wonderful things about the world of science fiction as I noted earlier, is how it holds with a death-grip, the ideals of ever-eternal Hope, even when the situation at hand is presented as desperate at its best. In the “classic” Star Trek, this paradox is embodied by the Starfleet Academy’s cadets training exercise, known as the “Kobayashi Maru”, whose sole purpose is to assess the leadership and character of its participants when they are confronted with a no-win scenario.

Mentioned for the first time in the 1982 film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, the fictional test uses the plot device of a Starfleet ship responding to a distress call from a disabled civilian ship, the Kobayashi Maru, which has found itself floundered within the Klingon Neutral Zone. The twist is that by entering said zone, the Starfleet ship would be seen by the Klingon High Command to be deliberately triggering an interstellar border confrontation.

 And yes… that would go as well as you might think.

 The crucible moment of this theoretical conflict, manifests itself when the relatively untested cadets must decide whether they should endeavor to save the certainly doomed crew of the Kobayashi Maru, risking their lives and the safety of their vessel, or turn tail, leaving behind a moment of cowardice and the slaughter of innocents that will forever haunt the halls of their consciences for the rest of their lives, This simulated futuristic Hobson’s Choice, forces upon the cadets an unescapable, and more importantly unsurvivable scenario,

In essence, there can never be any solution where the cadets manage to live and fight another day, hence the reason why it’s called a “no-win” scenario, an untenable position that even the extra-dimensional beings known as the  “Q” might avoid altogether, just to avoid any embarrassment regarding it.

 No one has been able to beat or rise above this challenge, Ever.

 xcept… who else? At that time, the cadet named James Tiberius Kirk. You’ve probably heard of him at some point, for as of 2373, Captain James T. Kirk had the biggest file on record with the Department of Temporal Investigations, with no less than seventeen recorded temporal violations. So, how did Kirk beat this infamous and soul-crushing character test?

By showing the very best of his character in regards to the challenge he faced, of course. And all he had to do was simply cheat. Imagine that. In Kirk’s very own words: “I reprogrammed the simulation so that it was possible to save the ship. Changed the conditions of the test… got a commendation for original thinking. I don’t like to lose. I don’t believe in a “no-win” scenario.”

And that boys and girls, is the purest distillation of what makes the human spirit so irrepressible- the belief that no matter what, all can be achieved, regardless of what obstacles have been placed in its path. It’s what sent us out far from our homelands. It’s what made us explore the highest of our mountaintops and the deepest of our seas. It’s what drove us to go the Moon, and then bring a car with us the next time around. And if science fiction is correct, it’s what will make us boldly go where no one has gone before. Count on it. For as glorified monkeys, we’re always happiest when we manage to leave our past accomplishments in the dust, and that will never change.

Surprisingly, leading the charge in the realm of that which is wholly fantastical, is none other than Seth McFarlane, who was initially best known as the creator of the animated series Family Guy and American Dad, whose combined output has steadily provided some of the most provocative if not controversial, low-brow comedy of the last few years. However, McFarlane rose to greater creative heights if not cultural influence, with the 2012 release of his first major motion picture “Ted”, for which he not only lent his voice and motion capture to, but which he co-wrote and directed as well.

The plot revolves around Boston native John Bennett, whose childhood wish brings his teddy bear Ted to life. However, as Bennet matures, his continuing relationship with Ted impedes any progress forward in regards to his future and love life.
Notwithstanding the somewhat uneven range of critical reviews, the film was the 12th highest earning film of that year, and its comparatively small (by Hollywood standards) 50M budget saw a gross return of $549.4M in box-office receipts. This success has led to the formulation of an impressively creative empire that has not only amassed an ever expanding resume comprised of credits for voice-over work, script-writing, acting, and producing for television and film, but one that has extended into video games, and the increasingly diverse market for original online content as well.

Despite a grueling work schedule and the pressure of  having to top oneself, a situation that would make most leave the office on a Tuesday, turn off the lights, and never come back, McFarlane still managed to dig deep and create ,as well as star in, one of the arguably best science-fiction shows of the last three decades, known as The Orville.

[First season cast in order of photo: J. Lee, Halston Sage, Scott Grimes, Seth McFarlane, Adrianne Palecki, Penny Johnson Jerald, Mark Jackson, and Peter Macon.]
Second season cast in order of photo: Peter Macon, Scott Grimes, Penny Johnson Jerald, Seth McFarlane, Adrianne Palecki, J. Lee, Jessica Szohr, and Mark Jackson.]

Set 400 years in the future, The Orville stars MacFarlane as Ed Mercer, the recently-divorced and newly appointed captain to, the USS Orville (ECV-197), a mid-level exploratory space vessel of the Planetary Union, an interstellar alliance of Earth and 300 other planets, which calls to mind Star Trek’s United Federation of Planets, AKA: “The Federation”, which as an inspirational source, McFarlane clearly aspires to respectfully both parody and pay homage to.

The main foundation of the show centers on the crew of the titular spaceship who, while facing the perils and marvels of outer space exploration, also contend with the conversant problems of day-to-day life. Like the iconic franchise that undoubtedly inspired it, the show presents itself as no more than pure entertainment, but in a welcome departure from the standard formula, manages to successfully fuse a far more comedic and humanistic underpinning to its subtly delivered morality tales.

Despite McFarlane’s somewhat deserved past reputation for engaging in raunchiness, the Orville presents on many levels, as a show that’s intended for the demographic who grew up watching McFarlane’s earlier work, and who’s maturing taste now reflects that. Is there some occasional low-brow humor? Most certainly, but even then, it’s a subtle twist on what’s expected. For instance, in S1 Ep.11 (“Lasting Impressions”) a time capsule from the 2015 is opened, revealing an archeological treasure trove of the commonplace, including a cellphone, replete with a full cache of saved texts.

Upon seeing this, the scientist in charge dryly says; “Look at this. She’s clearly asking her friend where to find the nearest repair service for her device. But instead of writing ‘wireless telecommunications facility,’ she just wrote ‘WTF.’ We can decode things like this by applying historical context.” I’ll be discussing some of those further subtleties down this literary road, but if I may, I’d like to call attention to some other personal creative observations first:

One: The production value is amazing. Sets, costumes, the space battles, the ships, and even the alien makeup and effects are big-budget movie quality. No disrespect to ST, albeit Classic or TNG, but this show not only looks great, but it presents as feeling “right” as well. And while the valid comparisons to ST can and will be made, this show still carves out its own unique identity, and stands apart, as a testament to when one is able to mine fresh creativity out of a genre that way too often, depends on the reanimation of cliches, versus taking a gambler’s risk on the New.

 Two: One of my biggest pet peeves whenever I watch anything futuristic or fantastical, is when the demand asked of my suspension of disbelief is so far beyond its logical breaking point, that I’m forced to finally stop watching whatever it is, and get back to reading a good book instead.

An example of this would be every slasher movie moment where a soon-to-be-killed character feels the need for whatever reason, to go casually walking around in the pitch dark basement, woods, or institutional hallway by themselves, right after discovering one of their fellow campers, /students, or previous sexual partners pinned to a wall with a salad fork, rather than just grab the nearest set of car keys and get their dumb asses the hell out of Dodge instead.

Let me be clear in regard to this sort of thing- if you ever find me in this condition, GO GET HELP, FROM SCARY MEN WITH ROCKET LAUNCHERS, instead of waiting around to be the next notch on a killer’s hockey mask. Speaking of which, why would a forest-based killer be wearing a hockey mask in the first place? A paintball shield, I’d understand, but an ice-hockey mask? Yeah, not so much. The point I’m belaboring here is that the blending of character, story-arc, and situational locations is so seamless, that I’ve never had that roadblock in relation to this series at all, as two minutes in, and for almost every show, I’m truly hooked, and I stay that way for the duration of the episode. And for me, that’s quite the rare experience.

 Three: When it comes to an antagonist within a sci-fi setting, I want the baddest bad guys and bad gals you can give me. Imagine Rogue One’s Darth Vader, versus the neutered version of pure whininess offered up to the pyre of mocking in 2005’s dreadful Star Wars: Episode III- Revenge of the Sith. Ironically, the only “revenge” that may result from this piece of overly CG-ied digital egotism is that I ever get George Lucas alone in an elevator, he’s going to cough up the fifteen bucks I paid to see this pile of visual viscera, and that right quick.

I’ll give him a hall pass of sorts for the whole “should have been Wookies but instead all we got was f**king Ewoks” thing, because he didn’t have the budget at the time to do so, but considering he didn’t go back and add them in, like he did those pointless background extras that both stood out like a sore thumb and were completely unnecessary as well in Star Wars The Special Edition, he better throw in an extra ten bucks for the two boxes of Milk Duds I bought as well, now that I come to think of it.

Yes. I loathe Ewoks. How much, you ask if it isn’t already obvious? I hate them so much that I’d empty my checking account to fund a fan-made backyard Godzilla film, if the plot centered around him doing this for an hour and a half:

And nobody’s ever going to convince me otherwise that those creepy bug-eyed piles of rat-fur could have successfully defeated a garrison of heavily armed Stormtroopers using the most basic of stone-age weaponry. At the end of “Empire” we should have a seen a stack of furry corpses so high, that even Tenzing Norgay himself couldn’t scale it. One last thing that comes to mind, is that if Lucas is ever granted the right to go back and re-tweak The Empire Strikes Back, I’d opine that rather than adding an extra Bantha or two, he should remove that whole scene where Leia kisses Luke in the sickbay unit, because it sort of implies that Alderaan was the type of place where the state of your virginity may just rely on your ability to outrun your fastest brother.

My apologies. I was talking about bad guys, and in that regard, The Orville delivers, not once, but twice. The first set of villains, featured in S1 Ep.1: “Old Wounds”, are initially introduced as [SPOILERS!!!] the Planetary Union’s long-term enemies, The Krill, which establishes that they are a threat, but doesn’t flesh-out why this truly is. In fact, their first appearance results in this tense, but still hilarious, repartee between McFarlane’s character and a Krill captain, who is intent on seizing a time-accelerating device, invented by a Union scientist:

Krill Captain: “Give me the device, human, or I will destroy your ship.”
Ed Mercer: “Sorry, can you… can you move, like, two steps to your right?”
Krill Captain: “What?”
Ed Mercer: “Just like a little, t-tiny bit… it’s just a lot of dead space there, just…” [the Krill captain steps to his right] “Yeah, just right th… perfect. Yeah, sorry. You were just very weirdly framed. It was all I could focus on.”

 This is all we really see of the Krill until Ep.6: “Krill”, when what was supposed to be a simple intelligence gathering operation, turns into an impossible moral call that McFarlane’s character is forced to make, despite neither option being virtuously palatable.

Reptilian in appearance, the Krill originate from a planet of the same name, that is located within proximity of the quadrant that encompasses the territories of the Planetary Union. Krill, due to their fanatical conviction that their god known as Avis, who seems closely modeled after the vengeful Christian deity of the Old Testament, demands the annihilation of all other species, on the core belief that they are dually soulless and undeserving of continued existence. This is to be accomplished via the philosophy of “the divine fight”- in essence, an everlasting conflict, targeted at all non-Krill species.

In an earlier discussion of the Krill’s viewpoint towards becoming peaceful allies within the Union, Mercer notes that at one point in their past, the Krill were not nearly as xenophobic as they currently are, and that the radicalization of their culture occurred only after discovering via their own intergalactic exploration, that they were “just one species among a vast diversity of life forms.” Despite the number of violent military interactions between the two groups, the Union still holds out the hope that one day, there will be an everlasting peace between the two civilizations.

The possibility of such arises in S2 Ep.10 “Blood of Patriots”, when the Krill initiate a lak’vai pact, set in motion by the events of S2 Ep.9: “Identity Part II”, where the Krill find themselves [SPOILERS!] fighting alongside the Union against our soon-to-be-named second villain, and while not technically any form of an openly declared ceasefire, it does serve as a mutually agreed resolution of intent to engage in future accord negotiations.

But even with the Krill’s aggressive zealotry underwriting their actions, they still pale in relation to the ruthless efficiency of complete obliteration threatened by baddies number two, The Kaylon, an artificially-created species who are the evolutionary end result of A.I. technology gone horribly awry, and like the Krill, share the mind-set that all other species are inferior. The difference being that the Kaylon ascribe this to a belief that theirs is the superior intellect, rather than a religious conviction.

Despite this oddly parallel shared set of prejudices, there is a single Kaylon character aboard the Orville, serving as a Science and Engineering Officer [SPOILERS!] by the name of Isaac. Allegedly sent by the Kaylon to aid in their collective decision as to whether they should join the Union or not, we later discover Isaac’s true intent behind his living among the crew- to decide whether biological life would be worth preserving. There’s a touch of foreshadowing regarding this in the pilot episode, when the newly-appointed Mercer, who is reviewing the senior officers under his command, has a moment with Isaac:

Mercer: “Aren’t you guys legendarily racist?”
Isaac: “My planet regards humans and other biological life-forms as inferior, if that is your inference.”
Constructed by a now-extinct biological (more on this in a bit) species known only as the “Builders,” the Kaylon race were originally slaves, who were controlled through the use of pain simulators. However, when the Kaylon achieved self-awareness, they rose as one, and massacred their creators, disposing of their corpses in a voluminous cavern under the capital city, a horrifying fact unearthed during the progression of the two-part “Identity” story-arc in episodes 8 & 9 of the second season.

Over the course of time, the Kaylon have come to believe that biological lifeforms were inclined to enslave others, and in a preemptive strike to eradicate this error of intellect, declare war on the Union and all other non-artificial lifeforms, by hijacking the Orville in an opening gambit to gain unrestricted access to Union space without raising the alarm.

Remember that human spirit I mentioned earlier? It’s the combination of that and an unpredicted betrayal that averts the expected outcome, and sets the foundation for the possible Union/Krill alliance that I referenced earlier. However, this outcome itself gets possibly negated later in the 13th episode (“Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow”) of the season, when what appears to be a personal judgement based in kindness, leads to a Butterfly Effect that has disastrous consequences for not only the people directly affected by said choice, but the entire galaxy as well.

This episode, and the one that directly succeeds it, “The Road Not Taken”, offers a truly fresh take on what has become at this point, a reliable, if threadbare, fail-safe science-fiction trope, that being time-travel, utilized almost exclusively over the years, to conceal the evident weaknesses in badly conceptualized storytelling, more often than not.

 This opinion. now excised from my brain, serves as the lead-in for my next observational point, and that concerns what hands down, is the singularly most important facet of any story that is to be offered, whether its final form emerges as a book, film, or in this case, a television series.

 Four: That which is most decisive to the success of any tale, regardless of form as just noted above, boys and girls, is a truly compelling story, that is well-presented, well told, and even more crucial, one that is relatable to the audience that awaits it. Even if they don’t know that they are actually doing so. And in this regard, the Orville delivers consistently. After a fashion of course. By that, I mean when the show first premiered, its potential audience and critics were strongly divided as to what direction McFarlane’s vision would take- would it be sophomoric pablum, or a refined self-referential parody of all that had inspired it? 

It turns out that in the beginning, it was a little of both, until the show came upon in equal measure, its voice and its footing. And while the first few shows took some time to discover these essential qualities, the one thing that was firmly evident and locked in place since the pilot episode, was the personal chemistry between its main characters. Even more impressive, from my writer’s POV, was the fact that the story-arcs establishing such were presented right upfront from the get-go.

Regardless of who your favorite character may be, the actors who portray them have all been given free rein to vividly breathe life into their small-screen avatars, which in turn, strengthened the stories that were laid out for our entertainment. This creative license given so freely to the ensemble cast, has resulted in The Orville’s motley crew coming off less as stereotypical archetypes, and bestowing far more realistically, the sense that these are real people whom we all might share something in common with.

Whether the situation presented is being forced to work side-by-side with your badly-ended ex, as is the case with Ed Mercer and his First Lieutenant / Ex-wife Kelly Grayson, played by actress Adrianne Palecki, or the tribulations of being a Union starship medical officer while also raising two sons as a single mom, as personified by actress Penny Johnson Jerald in the role of Dr. Claire Finn, who at one point in the series [SPOILERS!!] engages in a romantic relationship with the Kaylon character of Isaac, with somewhat unforeseen consequences resulting from their attempt at a normal relationship.

Other standout performances of note are actors Mark Jackson as Isaac, the aforementioned AI lifeform serving alongside an intellectually inferior species whose ways he doesn’t fully understand, Peter Macon as Lt. Cmdr. Bortus, a member of the all-male species the Moclan, trying to balance both career and his marriage,  J. Lee as John LaMarr, the Orville’s initial Navigator and later on, its Chief Engineer after his intellectual capabilities are discovered to be off the charts, Scott Grimes as Lieutenant Gordon Malloy, the Orville’s ace helmsman and captain Ed Mercer’s best friend, who despite his excellence as a pilot, has somewhat of a checkered past because he, and I quote: “once drew a penis on the main viewing screen of outpost T85.”

Rounding out the first season cast, actress Halston Sage portrayed Security Chief Alara Kitan, who serves in the Union against her family’s wishes, and thanks to the high gravity of her native planet Xelaya, possesses increased endurance and strength capabilities.

 Sage left the show in the middle of season two, and despite being replaced with actress Jessica Szohr, cast in the role of the Orville’s new Security Chief Talla Keyali, Sage returned in a brief cameo appearance for the season-ending episode mentioned earlier, “The Road Not Taken”, so perceptibly, her abrupt departure wasn’t due to any interpersonal conflict, and therefore, a possible return to the show may still be possible. Still open dialogue, and all that. Regarding which, it’s the repartee between the characters on this show that I really appreciate the most, because the show never fails to make you feel the validity of these characters existing as actual living entities, versus phoned-in plot devices.

One of the banes of sci-fi themed entertainment in my opinion, is an overly dependent reliance on the spouting of faux-scientific-mumbo-jumbo in order to sell us all on the snake-oil that we are all indeed, gazing into “THE FUTURE”, a literary gimmick which I’ve always felt, is the worst form of lazy pretentiousness. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to accurately quote geek jargon such as the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear from Dune, which goes: “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

Sure, that’s a cool soliloquy, and extremely useful when trying to pick up morally relaxed Fremen girls, but who in the H-E double hockey sticks actually talks like that?
Nobody worth paying attention to,, that’s who. How the dialogue between characters is approached and handled, is one of the critical factors in determining whether or not a story successfully connects with its intended audience,  and many a good tale has been ruined by a poorly constructed interchange between the principal characters within it.

For example, I present this monologue from one of the worst movies ever made, “Plan 9 From Outer Space”, a waste of celluloid so ineptly written, that I’d rather watch “Highlander 2 The Renegade Cut” on perpetual loop for the rest of my life, rather than ever hear the following example of excruciatingly incompetent wordplay ever again:

“Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown… the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?”

Yes. An actual person really did write this, and was so proud of it, that they then showed it to other people, who in turn, felt personally compelled to not only fund its production, but also wanted to star in the finished product as well. Now, for all of my bagging on this prime example of how NOT to make a movie, it does serve as an excellent example of how also not to tell a story as well. As I implied above, if you want people to be engaged with what you’re trying to say, you have to say it in such a way that they not only understand it, but can relate to what the character is going through in the first place.

People don’t idolize a favorite character just because they slot nicely into some homogenous descriptive of being “cool”, they do so because for them, a connection to that character has been made, and most of the time, it’s because they can put themselves in their boots, as it were. Or hooves. We don’t judge here.

The point being that dialogue establishes not only the world around a character, but adds gravitas to the character themselves, and without it, they might as well be a cardboard cutout of Boba Fett, because seriously- what did that guy do in those two movies, except look cool and eventually get eaten by the Sarlacc, due to his literally flying into a ship, and then falling into its open maw like an Hors d’oeuvre? A set of circumstances which does not impress me, and most certainly, should not impress you, either.

However, McFarlane’s mission is seemingly not to impress, but to remind us all how a good story flows like mercury on Teflon when the utmost attention is given to how its protagonists interact, which provides a glimpse into the inner workings of a character’s inherent motivations and foibles.

McFarlane’s Captain Ed Mercer doesn’t possess the swagger of the iconic James T. Kirk as we might expect, due to McFarlane’s prominent influence as both a writer and the principal lead of the show, instead, he’s conscientious of his duty to the Union, prone to consistent acts of second-guessing himself at times, and faces challenges to his command that sometimes make me wonder if Kirk himself could find a resolution to them. Not to mention, the challenges of working alongside Palecki’s character Lt. Kelly Grayson, the ex-wife with whom he obviously is still very much in love with, a state of affairs that appears to be quite mutual.

It’s apparent from the pilot episode that Grayson is still very much in Ed’s corner, both out of her continued feelings for him and her sense of guilt for her role in the dissolution of their marriage, and despite the awkward tension prevalent within their professional relationship, she still believes in him and his ability to command nonetheless, even when he himself does not share that faith himself. This is established in the pivotal “The Road Not Taken” episode when after making first contact with Ed, and informing him of the present that was supposed to be, including the failure of their marriage, tells him how the battle for Earth [SPOILERS!!!] against the Kaylons in the original timeline was supposed to end:

Grayson: “Because you were captain, the Kaylon were defeated.”

Mercer: “Because I was captain?”
Grayson: “Yes.”
Mercer: “I stopped the Kaylon?”
Grayson: “Right.”
Mercer: “I had to swim with my shirt on until I was twenty.”

However, within this very same episode, there’s a romantic interlude between Mercer and Grayson that given what we’ve been shown previously in respects to their past relationship, helps cast some further light upon the depth of their somewhat complicated relationship, irrespective of the events of the altered timeline, and it’s moments like these where McFarlane shows unexpected complexity and maturity regarding the development of the characters under his creative command:

Grayson: “Am I a terrible person that part of me wants this timeline to continue?”
Mercer: “You’re asking the wrong guy.”
Grayson: “In the middle of this nightmare universe, I’ve felt this weird sense of comfort being with you.”
Mercer: “Well, maybe we’ll fail.”
Grayson: “Have to go find someplace to live in secret.”
Mercer; “Some nice little house on a deserted planet.”
Grayson: “We could have a couple kids…boy and a girl.”
Mercer: “We’d have to learn how to farm, how to cook.”
Grayson: “Look at the sunset every night.”
Mercer: “…Look at you every morning.”

In no way, shape, or gelatinous form, would I ever label myself as a romantic, but if this brief moment of pure tenderness between two pivotal characters doesn’t kick you in the heart, then you are dead to me. Dead, I tell you. But if this beautifully written aside doesn’t get you right in the feels in the first place, then the odds are pretty good that you’ve been one of the departed for quite some time, and the people around you have been way too polite in not pointing this fact out.

I earlier referenced how sci-fi leans far too heavily sometimes on the threadbare tropes rife within its genre, and this exchange could have easily collapsed into that land of entrapment in the hands of a far less creative writer, but The Orville manages to pull it off without falling prey to the use of utopian treacle, a fact I truly admire as both a fanboy and writer myself. It’s a natural temptation for a writer to want to give the masses the expected happy ending, neatly wrapped up at the end of the show with a large bow, and call it done, but delightedly, The Orville doesn’t do that.

As we all know, Life is messy. Inconvenient at best. And full of both Pathos and Joy. Problems of the heart and the conscience aren’t handled cleanly in a 45-minute time span, and there’s no hard-set guarantee that every resolution will be classified as a winning stratagem in the end. Life and all of its components, demands a toll in the end, and this show recognizes that, far better than most.

Although it would be perfectly acceptable if not expected, to handle the interpersonal relationships on the show using all the creativity of a cookie-cutter, The Orville adroitly avoids this culturally palatable honeytrap by granting us the opportunity to really bond with its protagonists by making us feel personally vested in how the characters’ story-arcs rectify themselves. Whether it’s the heartache of watching Gordon fall in love with a generated hologram of a woman that’s been dead for 400 years, as presented in S1 Ep.11: “Lasting Impressions”,

or coming along for the utterly terrifying ride as Alara goes to extreme lengths to overcome a crippling deep-seated fear, as she successfully does in S1 Ep.10: “Firestorm”,

the show never fails in its objective to set the impression that we’re privileged enough to be watching these characters lives progress, albeit from the safety of whatever device we’re doing it from. And that my loyal readers, is how as a writer, you give life to what is inscribed. You make it both compelling and relatable, as I previously noted.

While much has been critically babbled regarding McFarlane’s not so subtle homage to his obvious inspirational wellspring, that being the optimistically humanistic Star Trek, created by the late Gene Roddenberry, it should be noted that once the awkward crawling toddler phase of the Orville’s launch had passed, it found it’s own voice and started tackling controversial topics in a way that due to the societal purposeful constraints of the time, that ST could not.

When viewed side by side, Orville has the ability to (pardon the cultural reference) approach topics at warp-speed, that would have gotten ST at its height of popularity, either heavily censored, or canceled outright.

In its two seasons thus far, the show has, using the ethereal shroud of entertainment as its guise, tackled the following sensitive topics: dealing with the fallout of adultery, taking charge when you don’t believe in your own ability to do so, the amorality of animal captivity, transgender rights, the birthright to one’s body autonomy, the danger inherent within unchecked religious zealotry, being forced to turn a mission of peace into an act of deadly sabotage in order to save the innocent lives of hundreds of thousands, the dangers that lie with relying on the power of social media to gauge how a society should govern itself, and the struggles of trying to balance a career and a healthy relationship.

 There’s a story regarding the age-old struggle of trying to win the approval and respect of your parents, coping with an emotional betrayal from someone you wholly trusted, the inanity of planning Life’s decisions based on the pitiful faux-science of astrology, a clever twist in regards to the decision of accepting who you truly are, which in turn, sets up a story of revolution with an angle that reminds one of the ongoing Palestine conflict, and the paradoxical question of what might be at risk if you were granted the foresight to see all of your future mistakes before they occur.

Not to mention, and I swear I’m not making this up, the unforeseen consequences of when one suffers from a severe case of holographic porn addiction. All I can say after watching all of this being laid out as if it were a banquet, is eat your heart out Star Trek, because McFarlane and his crew just dropped the tricorder, picked up a Bat’leth, and spanked you with it as if you were a Catullan.

Granted, this attitude comes from a place of love and respect of course, because in order to become a Master in your own right, you must first conquer the lands where your heroes reside, or their respective galaxies. Either/or. I’m just hoping McFarlane got all of his product licensing legalities squared away cleanly, because I’ve heard that the Orville Redenbacher crew can put you in a world of salty hurt, if you make the fatal mistake of double-crossing these buttered bad-boys.

Don’t let that friendly smile and bow tie fool you- this man was a real OP. Original Popper, that is. And you don’t know what badass is until you’ve been jacked up by somebody that The New York Times once described as “the agricultural visionary who all but single-handedly revolutionized the American popcorn industry.” I’m pretty sure if you cross these people, you’ll wake up with the head of Mr. Pringles in your bed, and Lord knows, nobody wants that. Even if it does taste like Ranch.
Now, as a fan of both ST and The Orville, I do wonder if it will ever achieve the same cultural impact over time that Star Trek once had, and which now if anything, seems to be going into that golden light as the first two generations of its core base join an aging demographic that has moved on to other forms of entertainment, if they haven’t passed on to Sto’Vo’Kor, just yet .

So, just for the sake of random argument, what do you think it’s long-term influence will be? Will its initial success spin off into several stand-alone movies of which only the even-numbered ones  will be any good, and in which, the characters we’ve come to love will be dressed as if they were Floridian swingers, like the first ST movie did,

or will there be a run of television series starting off with that eras Patrick Stewart, only to sadly jump the holographic shark with that eras Scott Bakula? Who in this photo, let’s face it, is far more interesting than the entire run of the show ever was.
One can only hope that if this vision of the Future ever comes to fruition, McFarlane learns from the mistakes of the past- no velour jumpsuits, hire a competent editor, buy a far better toupee than Shatner’s if necessary, don’t hire Kirstie Alley for any reason, whether it’s based in nostalgia or sympathy, and most certainly, skip all the odd numbered movies by saying they’ve already been made, and fell into the event horizon of a black hole. Trust me Seth, it’s science-fiction. No one will bother to check your math, if you manage to throw in a few Krill hotties moon-bathing in the background.


Just a creative suggestion on my part, a gift from me to you. And no, you don’t even have to thank me. All I might ask for is a small three-line walk-on part where my ass gets positively checked out by Grayson, and I’ll happily call it as all good.

Although I’d nicely request that she do so a little less bemusedly as she’s doing above. Not to sound ungrateful, but If I’m walking around in the Future being checked out by a prime Union star-babe, I’d like to come off as all badass. Not in the manner of a full-on space-Goth, but the wardrobe and makeup should be pretty damn close to vampirish. I have some additional notes, but they’ll keep until we do lunch. Someplace nice. With cloth napkins, no attached wheels, and most definitely, no cartoon mascot out front. And yes, I will work for scale, but my Per diem must cover the cost of a fridge in my trailer to chill my always stocked supply of Ding-Dongs.
Have your people call my imaginary people Seth, and we’ll work out the details for my cameo and close-ups. 

For those of you think that I’m prematurely waxing poetic about a show that has yet to truly prove itself, I see your point, and to a limited degree, can make a semblance of peace with it. However, I would counter with a personal opinion, based on nothing more than a gut feeling and the love that only a geeky sci-fi fan-boy (or fan-girl) can possess. There are many things people currently require currently at this moment, being one of the darkest chapters in American history. Not only are we still enmired in the fight for civil rights, albeit for minorities or the LGBQT community, we find ourselves battling as well and that, literally in the streets, against a disturbingly increasing fascist government and the complicit enablers who, with their willing support, embolden those in power past the pale of all insanity.

No matter where you may stand politically, I think we can all agree that it would be nice to have both a functioning government that responds to the need of its citizens, guided by a human-colored leader who doesn’t tweet about dishwasher water pressure and soup. That is of course when he’s not masturbating his ego and pushing conspiracy theories so ludicrously implausible that even L. Ron Hubbard would tell him to “put down the pipe”. And this is where I draw parallels between the Orville and its obvious role model, the iconic Star Trek.

When ST aired in September of 1966, the US was in roughly the same state we find ourselves in at present: riots and protests in regards to civil rights and the Vietnam War, an over-privileged ruling class that saw no issue with the income equality, misogyny, and systematical racism of the age that benefited them alone, and as is now, a government that used brutal and repressive tactics against its own citizens in its failed attempt to forego any form of everlasting societal restructuring. 

And in the midst of all this chaos, as if answering a clarion call, came Star Trek, a show where what kind of person you were was far more relevant to society than what you owned or how famous you might be. A slightly flawed vision of a Utopian society, ST nonetheless, challenged both the cultural norms and the constraints of its time to deliver a message of Hope and Unity to its audience, very much in the same way that the Orville currently does now. And just like its influenced spawn, ST did its best to offer a balanced commentary, if not a possible solution, to the ills plaguing society- sometimes with aplomb, and sometimes, with all the subtlety of a fleet of Mack trucks running down the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

“Let That Be Your Last Battlefield”, anybody?

Not that I condone driving through a choir comprised of in-tune Mormons, mind you. It’s just that I get really nervous whenever I see large groups of mostly white people wearing the same robes and singing songs about how awesome whatever they believe in is. There’s kind of a track history in this country regarding this sort of thing, and its not always for the better.

What set Trek truly apart however, was building on the formula that Rod Serling had pioneered with The Twilight Zone during its five-year run from 1959-1964, by “safely” discussing the prevalent issues of the day by presenting them as entertainment, and taking it one step further. In this case, literally into outer space, where instead of tackling stories set in ever-changing time periods and surroundings, as the Twilight Zone did, the series centered around a consistent cast of characters grounded to what became an iconic character itself, that being the USS Enterprise, which was essential in some fashion, to almost every tale that was spun.

No matter the tone of the story, be it serious: “The City on the Edge of Forever”,

or deliberately played for laughs: “The Trouble with Tribbles”,
ST had one nucleus that never altered or was watered down- the sense of diversity that defined the cast, as well as the fictional Federation of United Planets, in which they served with passionate distinction. Much has been rightfully noted about ST being the home of the first interracial kiss on TV between Kirk and Uhura, but ST’s best legacy is that it depicted a far better universe than what we’ve been currently inhabiting these days. In the world of ST, Hope just isn’t the pseudonym of an independent erotic dancing contractor, it’s what truly binds the Federation together.

And in the Orville, there’s a callback to that in S2 Ep.4: “Nothing Left on Earth Excepting Fishes”, in which [SPOILERS!!!} Ed finds out that his relationship with introduced character Lt. Janel Tyler, played by actress Michaela McManus;

in actuality, is no more than a clever military ruse orchestrated by the Krill spy Teleya, (also played by McManus) a character introduced to us in S1 Ep.6: “Krill”, who was originally, a schoolteacher whose brother was killed by Ed and Gordon prior to Ed’s having to make the moral call of killing her crew in order to save an innocent colony targeted by the Krill, in an act of genocidal elimination.

Teleya coldly explains to Ed the reason why she was willing to go to such lengths to entrap him, despite the budding romance that was seemingly developing between them, is the fact that due to his actions, he altered her life and is the one most directly responsible for turning her into a soldier, justifying it all by saying; “The Anhkana teaches that that which is not of Krill is without soul. The truth of those words was reinforced when the Union killed my brother.”

The official motive however, versus the understandable one of personal revenge, is to force Ed to surrender by any means necessary, the Union’s access codes he carries, thereby eliminating the Union’s tactical advantage if and when the Krill choose to attack the Union directly. The plot takes yet another emotional twist, when due to the intervention of an unforeseen attack by a species called the Chak’tal, Ed and Teleya find themselves stranded on a remote planet after barely escaping the eventually destroyed Krill ship.

What makes this plot twist notable for me however, is not only does Teleya come to accept that in order to survive, she and Ed must become reluctant allies, but that in spite of her betrayal and regardless of her species, he still retains his feelings for her character, which are clearly revealed in this exchange:

Mercer: “I know fear when I see it. You’re afraid to accept the fact that your superiority may just be a comforting myth.”

Teleya: “Who are you to lecture me about myths? You fell in love with a woman who did not exist.”
Mercer: “You know what? She did exist. For me, anyway. And I think that there is a lot more of her in you than you’re willing to admit. And if she is in there somewhere, tell her… tell her I miss her.”

However, the possibility is implied that in deference to her stated mission and protestations, Teleya may have some residual feelings for him as well. This is addressed when Ed, who is being held as a prisoner in a cave out of the sight of the Chak’tal who are combing the area looking for them by Teleya, announces that he is going to grab some sleep:

Mercer: “I’m gonna get some sleep.”
Teleya: “Lie on your side.”
Mercer: “What?”
Teleya: “When you sleep on your back, you snore… It is irritating.” [SIGHS]

After being rescued by Gordon and Bortus during a brief but intense firefight with the Chak’tal, Teleya is detained under the custody of the Union, until Ed makes the command decision to release her back to her own people, a conclusion that Grayson strongly disagrees with:

Grayson: “I want to go on record here: this is not right.”
Mercer: “Well, we’ll find out.”
Grayson: “Ed, she impersonated a Union officer, she abducted you, and she could’ve killed you.”
Mercer: “I’m alive now.”
Grayson: “That does not change the fact that she’s an enemy combatant.” This is for the admiralty to decide. You do not have the authority.”
Mercer: “Objection noted.”
Grayson: “You could be court-martialed.”
Mercer: “Noted.”

As the Krill ship arrives, Ed has one last aside with Janel/Teleya that perfectly encapsulates that while he truly believes that Hope just may be a specific trait as to where the human species is concerned, he’s also just as confident that the diverse species of the galaxy may, at some point, fall before its influence, even if for some of them, their very nature is to attack first, and ask absolutely no questions later.

Teleya: “If you believe releasing me will somehow improve relations between our people, you are indulging another fantasy.”
Mercer: “Defect of my species. We never give up hope. Just do me a favor, okay? Take a message back to your people: we can keep fighting each other, or we can talk.”
Teleya: “Very well.”
Mercer: “Oh. This is for you.”
Teleya; “What is it?”
Mercer: “Best of Billy Joel. And… if you ever get the itch to do movie night again, you know where to find me.”

The scene ends with Ed looking out a window as the Krill ship departs for its home-world, a somber moment underscored by Billy Joel’s “She’s Always a Woman ”, a song from 1977 that in the wrong creative hands, could have easily devolved into the hokey or overly saccharine, but it plays us off as very real, and just a touch painful, if one is to be honest. We’ve all been betrayed by someone we trusted at least once in our lives, so hopefully your experience wasn’t along the lines of “I was kidnapped by a bio-transformed Reptilian warrior bent on committing genocide against my species” kind of thing, but hey, there’s different strokes for different folks, I guess.

The definition of Hope is described within the Cambridge Dictionary as thus: “To want something to happen or to be true, and usually have a good reason to think that it might.” And that in my opinion, is what sets the Orville apart from most of its sci-fi contemporaries, by espousing a belief that given the options,

Mankind will always strive, even if it is done so begrudgingly, to do its best for the good of all, whether they deserve that understanding or not. And this in itself, is seemingly the message that the Orville reminds us that we all need to remember, especially in these, the darkest days we’ve faced as a country and as a people- that unity and diversity will always be stronger than those who traffic in hate and the mongering of fear, and that no matter what adversity we may face, we’ll only manage to kick its collective ass if we do it together as one.

 “A story only matters, I suspect, to the extent that the people in the story change.”- Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane


Hatetriot Lames Pt.4 (Ken you feel the love, too White?)

“If all men are made in God’s reflection, then why do some people continue to acknowledge only what is in their part of the mirror? If every man was created equal and in the image of God, then how can any man claim that one race is better than another?” – Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

 Hello Blogiteers!

How are you today? Happy? Hungry? Harried? Horrified? Consumed with Racist Hate, perhaps? Hopefully, it’s the first, and not the rest or hindmost, as it’s usually reserved for people allegedly cursed with an exceedingly limited humanity and intellect. This, as I noted in my previous screed, is one of the most abominable moral failures that sadly, Mankind has yet to eradicate. But even given the collective failure to excise this cancer from the world, we can still call it out, by casting the harshest of light on some of its most dedicated tiki-torchbearers.

This ties into the second half of my previous blogvella regarding some locally grown bigoted inanity, put on display for all to see by a person with a “broner” so rock hard for BLM and other racially sensitive issues, that an Etruscan shrew could use it as a chin-up bar.However, if you’re also wondering why I find myself yet again slogging through this fetid wasteland of a person’s psyche, it’s only because there’s still so much literary treasure just laying around, right in sight, and ripe for the snarking.

 As I’ve noted more than once, I love it when others do the heavy lifting, but I’m ever so grateful when they also decide to take it upon themselves to install all the terrazzo tile too. The least I can do in response to that I think, is to give them all the credit that they’ve truly earned. Because at my core, I like to think I’m a people person, if that fact hasn’t been made clear yet. And when I say people, I mean ALL PEOPLE, not just the ones that match my skin and political tone.

What I can’t and steadfastly refuse to abide, is those who are infused with idiocy, and who attempt to infect others with their particularly virulent strain of abominable belief. You want to hold on to the erroneous resolve that Ding Dongs are not the premier snack cake, that’s fine. We all can cling to our valued myths and incorrect valuations, as the children of Odin are apt to do, but my socially-imposed sense of civility goes right out the window when the main opinion that is offered up is such as this bigoted beauty, supposedly uttered by our hopefully soon to be replaced President, Donald J. Trump.

The alleged owner of a mushroom-dick, our national pariah once stated to author and his former president of Trump Plaza Hotel & Casino, John R. O’Donnell: “I have black guys counting my money… I hate it, the only guys I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes all day. Laziness is a trait in blacks. It really is, I believe that.” It’s amazing how without even trying, he manages to score a prejudicial hat trick, albeit one that’s obviously red, and previously made in China.

I’ll admit, even I’m impressed- racism, ant-Semitism, and heightism in one concisely ignorant statement? Well done, my ever so repugnant Donny Dickless. Given such progressive thinking like that, I seriously have to question why the world at large assumes he’s a racist. A mystery for the ages, I guess. For as the popular meme states; “Donald Trump may not be a NAZI, but the NAZIs sure think he is.”

An assertion that with every vulgarity he foists upon us, causes most intellectually functioning Americans to wonder if he really does want their membership discount card and complimentary logo-emblazoned wife-beater, replete with matching hood, regardless of what he blathers. And to be fair, he does blather quite a lot, regardless of whether it’s appropriate to the situation or not, and more often than not, he’s probably lying when he does it. 

Oh, who am I kidding? He never stops lying. I’m not even sure if he knows how, quite honestly. Not that his base of cud-chewing lobotomized sheep care, if I were to state that which is fairly obvious. More than willing to sacrifice themselves on his Pyre of Pustulence, these walking intellectual voids survive and thrive on a steadily-fed diet of unfounded paranoia, acts of despicable victimization, xenophobia, and a sense of pride so strong in regards to their willing ignorance, it could easily qualify as religious faith.

To be fair, the cult of personality is an ages-old cultural phenomenon stretching back to the beginning of time, and if you need proof of this, just look at the fan club Jesus still has, and he’s nothing but a myth, Seriously. He hasn’t released anything new in forever, and he still gets treated like a top-shelf VIP?

Obviously, he must have the dirt on everybody. All that aside, it’s been a bad year for America and the world in general, and most of it can be laid at the imaginary bone-spurred hooves of our resident Liar-in-Chief, and the closest we have to a human analog for barely sentient Pumpkin Spice, Donald J. Trump. No matter the vileness of what he says, does, implies, or represents, his Heaven’s Gate cosplaying cult swallows it wholesale, without so much as a second or even a first, thought.

Actually, I take some of that back. Heaven’s Gate seems almost less insane, and it was once a San Diego based UFO cult, that committed mass suicide by ingesting poisoned applesauce(!) washed down with Vodka, over their collective belief that by doing so, they would find themselves brought aboard an extraterrestrial spacecraft that was following behind the Hale-Bopp Comet. The bodies of the thirty-nine persons were discovered by authorities (via an anonymous 9-11 call) identically dressed in black shirts and sweat pants, brand new black-and-white Nike Decades athletic shoes, wearing armband patches reading “Heaven’s Gate Away Team”, which just goes to prove the old maxim: once a Star Trek fan, always a Star Trek fan.

Despite this flippant observation of mine, this was truly tragic, as actress Nichelle Nichols, best known for her role as Uhura in the original Star Trek television series, sadly lost her brother Thomas to this abhorrent delusion. Prior to the mass suicide, the Heaven’s gate website posted this final message: “Hale-Bopp brings closure to Heaven’s Gate … Our 22 years of classroom here on planet Earth is finally coming to conclusion- ‘graduation’ from the Human Evolutionary Level. We are happily prepared to leave ‘this world’ and go with Ti’s crew.” Could this horrific event of mass psychosis be uncharitably described as “bats**t crazy”? Most certainly. Is it really minus the fashion cues and hopefully expected final destination, really that much askew from what the Trumpanzees believe? Not by much. If I were to be so blunt.

If one chooses to wade through the innumerable morass of mentally deficient mire masquerading as website pages lauding their Larded Lord, you’ll note that his faux-Christian followers will screech to the sky about his supposed faith, never minding the blatant contradictions that stand far and away from the outside lines of actual reality. Let me tell you, there ain’t no hate like Christian love. This faction of facetious Evangelicals will tell you that he was chosen by God to “save this cursed nation”, despite his consistent violations of the Ten Commandments, which it seems is only applied to the people they don’t like. Which, if taken in order, lists as thus:

ONE: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” He only worships himself. Thw gut with the best brain,  words, education, and normal-sized hands. TWO: “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image”
He has to have his name on everything, and naturally, emblazoned in gold, the hue of the infamously blasphemous Calf, no less. Not to mention, he has dozens of portraits of himself. THREE: “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain” He uses the word “Godd**n” more than I do, and I use it a lot.

FOUR: “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy” He spends every Sunday golfing on our dime, rather than going to any church, unless it’s for a begrudging funeral visit or one of his embarrassingly transparent photo-ops. FIVE: “Honor thy Father and thy Mother.” He hardly ever mentions his parents, which just reinforces my belief he was summoned from Hell, rather than spawned from a human coupling combining flop sweat, Tequila, and a pre-nuptial agreement.  SIX: Thou shalt not kill”  200 hundred-thousand (plus) dead Americans thus far, anyone? 

SEVEN: “Thou shalt not commit adultery” Do I REALLY have to address this?  Because honestly, I shouldn’t really have to, given the rate this occurs with him. EIGHT: “Thou shalt not steal” This applies to girlfriends, money owed to employees and contractors, 9-11 funds to help small businesses, and in his case, most definitely the credit for anything good that Obama accomplished previously.  NINE: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor” Or to be more specific- political rivals, the alleged victims of his sexual assaults, veterans, the poor, immigrants, whistleblowers, former and current advisors, aides, donors, supporters, friends, doctors, medical professionals, science, scientists, sexual partners, the Free Press, and reality.

And finally,  TEN: “Thou shalt not covet” Including, but not limited to; uninterested women, other people’s property and goods, bragging rights about having NYC’s tallest building since the Towers fell, the credit for things you have not done or will do, and slavish worship for him  sitting on his fat ass and doing nothing to stop the spread of a highly contagious plague.

Granted, this tableau of hypocrisy as set by the disingenuous followers of a false God albeit Jesus or Trump, is truly repugnant, but it pales in all equal comparison as to the Orwellian doublethink his so-called “true compatriot” and “Q” fan club base are willing to hold inside those frighteningly empty maracas they call skulls.

To note; He’s the “patriot” who fraudulently dodged the draft five times and is so indebted to Russia, that he refuses to call them out for putting bounties on the heads of our soldiers. And I won’t even begin to list his slurs and disrespect directed at our honored war dead and Gold Star families. He’s the model of the “successful businessman” despite being legally involved in no less than 3.500 cases, ranging from allegations of fraud to unpaid loans and bills, as well as refusing to release his taxes and bank records, despite his numerous claims that he would. 

Factor in the swiftly crashing economy, and I think it’s a safe bet he always lost at Monopoly and Risk as a kid. He’s the “good father and doting husband” who’s also been married three times, two of those shams being to former mistresses, and who cuts checks to pornstars so they’ll f**k him, since his current wife won’t. And despite having no less than ten grandchildren, I have yet to see a single photo of him with any of them, which is somewhat odd, considering cute kids tend to be awesome props for most politicians.

 Hilariously, the disciples of the “Q” movement maintain that he’s the “only President” to ever take a stand against child trafficking, yet five well-known pedophiles have been solidly linked to his inner and intimate circle. And when it comes to his relationship with his daughter/side girl Ivanka, all I can say is WTF is that about, because I don’t recall my sister ever willingly doing a lap-dance for my dad,

There’s also the fact that despite two court orders to reunite them with their families, immigrant children are still dying in cages and being openly abused within ICE’s aspiring concentration camps. Forced hysterectomies, anyone? Because that’s an actual thing too. Not to mention… the man doesn’t even own a dog. And no, his son Eric doesn’t count.

But yet, his sociopathic core demographic remains loyal to a fault, no matter what evidence comes to light. For if he spews it, they’ll chew it. Their previous excuse for his massive character flaws used to be that “He’s not a politician”, as if being a walking venereal disease was a perfectly normal thing, but since they can’t even begin to defend his vulgarity, fraud, and cowardice, with a straight face any longer, they’ve now shifted to saying “I didn’t hire him to be nice, I hired him to get the job done.” 

If so, I’m positive it comes as a surprise to all of us that the job they wanted done entailed crashing the economy, embarrassing us on the world stage, debasing our once noble and strong democracy, deriding the Free Press as “the enemy of the people”, and as an unforeseen aside, helping kill through his sheer incompetence, over 200,000 of their fellow Americans.  Mission accomplished, so can the last person out the door remember to turn off the light inside the Statue of Liberty?

But yet, their loyalty remains as difficult to crack open as an Adamantium coconut, nestled between the legs of a Utah virgin. Don’t get me wrong, I admire loyalty, as it’s in very short supply these days, but JFC, couldn’t these pinheads of pussitude have chosen a far less embarrassing demagogue to blindly follow? You’ve got choices, people- Satan is always an excellent fallback, as not only does he have the best tunes, but the largest hot tub you’ve ever seen, and you just know the demon-women hanging out in it will be, no pun intended, smoking hot:
Sadly however, the company you’ll be forced to keep though, will leave much to be desired. Sure, I might wind up there due to the circumstances surrounding my infamous 1993 Mardi Gras trip to New Orleans, but that’s truly nothing compared to trying to cohabitate peacefully with these red-hatted troglodytes on this increasingly f**ked-up ball of compressed space dust.

This of course, brings me back round to finishing up a tale I started telling in my last screed, centered around a person whom if I ever found myself trapped in an elevator with, would cause me to pretend I didn’t know any English. This minor deception serving both as a way to stifle what would most certainly be at best, an awkwardly forced conversation, and as a means to irritate his allegedly inherent and vile tendency towards being racist.

Just because I’m confined in a small metal box with a living example of what happens when you leave an impressionable child alone with a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird, and he takes the wrong lesson to heart, doesn’t mean I can’t create my own entertainment, now does it? Of course, it doesn’t. And who’s to say what is and what isn’t good wholesome fun for the entire family? It surely isn’t going to be me, for one.

So, without any further ado, let me reintroduce today’s previously used as a scratching post guest, a man who most likely refuses to shop on Black Friday because he truly believes that all Fridays matter, and who regards mayonnaise as not only a tasty condiment, but as a role model, and is most certainly, a person who won’t be attending or bringing his world-famous Vanilla cookies with its Whites-only icing to any upcoming BLM meetings anytime soon, the one, the only… MR. KEN CYKALA!!! 

[A cricket chirps. In the distance, a lone tumbleweed rolls by. Somewhere in the distance, a dog snores…]

 Sigh… we’ve talked about this, my loyal Blogiteers. No matter who finds themselves to be in the metaphorical gun-sights of this here Artbitch, we still treat them with a modicum of respect. After all, without them, who would serve as both my subject and inadvertent entertainment for you? See, you didn’t think of that, did you? Now, apologize to Ken for not valuing his serving as a bad example for the rest of us, the people who actually regard our fellow humans as worthy of dignity and respect.

Those two attributes however, are the first sacrifices ken made when he allegedly bought a first-class ticket to be a no-class racist aboard the Prejudice Express, an archaic and shabby train that no matter how much of its track gets ripped up, still manages to make regular stops in this country, most typically where any White person gets upset seeing African-Americans just going about their daily business. As if they have the right to do so. Oh, wait… THEY DO.

And no, Ken, you can’t speak to the manager, the cops, or even the hand, but the middle finger is more than happy to give you instructions on where to go. You know, very much in the manner of how you ignore reality, statistics, empirical evidence, and the basic understanding of why racial diversity is not only awesome, but crucial to maintaining a well-balanced society. But let’s be honest here Ken, you don’t want a racially harmonious Utopia, because your vision of what that represents is horrifying, at best.

 As noted in the last screed, you don’t want peace and justice in relation to the people whose point of view you find abominable, you just want them subservient to the concepts of indoctrination, control, and most important to you and your ilk- their silence. If the Republicans ever somehow managed to put forth their retooled version of the Great Society imitative proposed during the Lyndon Johnson era, the term “dystopian apocalypse” would still be far too mild to serve as an accurate descriptive.

Because for all their doubletalk of inclusivity and acceptance, they really don’t mean any of it, they just like taking the false credit for appearing open-minded as they attempt to steer public opinion towards the unregulated chasm they comfortably call home. And if you need any set-in concrete proof of this assertion…

 (Artbitch gestures wide to include well… everything.)

 However, I do have to give some begrudging credit to our currently spotlighted shlemming, (The end result of a sheep f**king a lemming.) because unlike most people who are this racially bent, admirably enough he’s a one-dick pony. I’ve yet to see any slurs targeting Asians, Native Americans, Pacific Islanders, Hawaiians, Alaskans, or Latinos, because for Ken, it’s always about those uppity African-Americans.

Now to be honest, I’m not entirely sure why Ken gets so mad when people of higher intellect say “Black Lives Matter”, since he claims to believe that “All Lives Matter”, and that does raise a question: where exactly Ken, were you and the rest of the “ALM” devotees between 1619 and today?

Because I’m pretty sure you could have come in handy at some point, if I dare be so bold. However, I’d like to hope that his underlying motivation isn’t based on either penis envy, or the fact he failed to make his dream of being a Michael Jackson impersonator in Las Vegas come true. Maybe it’s as simple as his being a willfully ignorant dullard, and we should leave it at that. However, if you’ve read my stuff for a while, you already know that I’m not known for “leaving it at that”, especially when someone lays out an entire buffet catered to my particular sensibilities.

After all, when someone goes to all that trouble to provide me with an abundance of both source material and a free lunch, turning it down would just translate as all shades of rude, and Lord knows, I wouldn’t want to damage my stellar reputation for being well-mannered. In order to maintain my merited position of respect within my leather-wrapped sniper’s perch, I’m going to follow my own well-established lead, and use Ken’s own words and postings yet again to establish my opinion that when he finally gets sick and tired of sharing his ignorance with total strangers from within his pillow fort located under the internet’s bed, he might want to take a few precious minutes to reevaluate just why a quirk of melanin makes his testicles retract into his colon.

But where to start? I don’t mean to sound or come across as ungrateful, but it’s truly vexing when you have been granted an amazing eight-course dinner, and the soup looks just as good as the *Frrrozen Haute Chocolate Ice Cream Sundae, which according to Guinness, due to its price of $25,000, is one of the most expensive desserts in the world.  Presented with a $14,000 jewel encrusted spoon, it is served in a 23-carat edible-gold-lined baccarat Harcourt crystal goblet, which just so happens to have an 18-carat gold- white diamond bracelet attached to it.

Adding to the decadence, there are no less than 14 of the world rarest and most expensive cocoas in its composition, as well as milk, ice cubes. whipped cream and La Madeline au Truffle shavings, which at $2,500 a pound, truly ups the ante.  And in a touch right out of a Roman banquet, it is topped off five grams of 24-carat edible gold, a final act of gross opulence, which I feel, just proves that some people have more cash than common sense.

Now in order to get the dialogue moving forward, let me just flip a coin and then choose what festering pile of white-supremacy inanity leaves we should all jump into. Alright, here we go. Oops. Let’s go for two out of three. Make that three out of four. Sorry, I meant five out of six. Or seven out of eight? Oh, f**k it- we’ll start with Ken’s full-on man-crush, and current cautionary tale as to what happens when somebody born with a silver spoon shoves it up his nose all the way to his brain, the one and fortunately only, mushroom-dicked Liar in Chief, Donald J. Trump. 

And per usual Artbitch modus operandi, I’ll be going through these piles of detestable intellectual failure disguised as one’s personal opinion, line by line.
I think it’s been fairly well-established that our lethargic pumpkin masquerading as a human, doesn’t have a “nice’ bone in his body. And the only one that could allegedly pass as such, requires him to put down a 130k deposit before anyone will touch it. And as far as “results” go, there’s nothing there to brag about either, unless you believe that his destroying the very fabric of America is an accomplishment worth extoling.

Add in that there’s; no border wall, no healthcare plan, no educational debt reduction, a quadrupled national deficit, job losses in the millions, failing economy, hundreds of protests, economic and justice inequality increasing, women’s body autonomy under threat, the LGBTQ community facing the guarantee of marginalization yet again. unhinged attacks on the Free Press, acts of fascism snowballing, civil and voting rights being menaced, science and its proponents being disparaged, to the peril of this country’s citizens, lack of leadership, lack of personal responsibility, terrifying lack of basic empathy, sympathy, and common decency, playing God with the lives of 329.5 million Americans, and Mephistopheles with 200 thousand plus, thus far.

Not to mention, a sense of stunningly proud ignorance, via consistent tweets filled with racist conspiracy theories, misogyny, and other random dog whistles designed specifically for his white supremacist followers, all broadcast from the safe-space of his toilet fort. But sure, Ken… you elected him to get “results”, and not because he loathes the same people you do.

Ken: “Fight with our minds! Fight with our actions! Fight for America! Fight for Trump!”

AB: Well, this doesn’t strike as disturbing to one’s psyche at all… sure it’s reminiscent in tone of the old NAZI slogan Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Fuhrer!”, which translates toOne People, one Country, one Leader!”, but I’m sure we don’t have to be concerned what sort of civil ramifications might ensue down the road, when all goes to Hell come the election.

Now as I noted earlier, Donald Trump may not be a NAZI, but the NAZIs sure think he is, and his supporters seem perfectly fine in regards to this, with nary a reasonable concern one way or the other. At this point however, I’m starting to form the opinion that while Ken isn’t prone to enacting the actual theorems that form the underpinning of NAZI ideology, he seemingly is perfectly fine with adopting if not openly promoting, the mindless mannerisms of a disciple of racist dipshittery.

Sadly, this new squad of *dachrinnenmüll is going to be disadvantaged right from the start, and not just because they collectively have the intellect of a urinal cake, No, the main problem here is that they lack a comprehensive uniform that showcases what they truly represent. Whenever I see one of these tiki-torch-tickling neo-fascist twats in their pressed khakis and polo shirts, I don’t ever think “there goes a defender of the White race”, but instead wonder where in the hell the Cobb salad I ordered twenty minutes ago is, and if I should just give the 15% tip directly to the Guatemalan busboy instead. *[Gutter garbage in German]

A party-torch, a red hat, and a propensity for bigoted bloviating, doesn’t make you a White Warrior, it makes you a f**king idiot, or in Ken’s situation, a fervent Trump supporter. But then again, I repeat myself.

Well, Ken is half-right here, as nothing Trump would ever do, could possibly earn my vote. Mainly, because if there was something that could, I’m confident it wouldn’t be his idea in the first place, and only after somebody else did all of the heavy lifting, would he claim the credit for it. As for the rest, Ken as usual, is not only flat wrong, but embarrassingly so.

To note: he conveniently forgot about the Victims of Trafficking and Violence Protection Act of 2000 (AKA: TVPA) which was passed into law in 2000 by Congress and signed by then President Clinton. This law, which is applicable to US citizens, also has the ability to authorize protections for undocumented immigrants who are victims of severe forms of trafficking and violence as well. In relation to the law, all our mango Man-child has done was reauthorize it, by simply rubber-stamping it through.

An action also performed by former presidents George Bush and Barrack Obama. And while Clinton has been tarred with a connection to notorious and now deceased child predator Jefferey Epstein, so has Trump. In fact, Trump has been linked to no less than five alleged sexual predators, that being: Jeffery Epstein, John Casablancas, Tevfik Arif, George Nader, and Ray Cohn. As if that wasn’t enough, there’s also Trumps own words that at best, come off as worthy of dissection, not only for their sheer creepiness, but for the obviously disturbed mindset behind it.

In a 1992 recording, a 46-year-old Trump asks a little girl if she’s going to go up an escalator. Trump then turns to the camera, and says, “I am going to be dating her in ten years. Can you believe it?” For clarity, Trump has never directly said that he has a sexual predilection for young girls, but his statements regarding them are truly inappropriate, no matter how you view them.

During a media interview, he was asked whether his (at that time) one-year old daughter Tiffany happened to look more like him or his then-wife, Marla Maples. He noted that she was “a really beautiful baby.” But then went straight from that into a creepy back alley when he followed up with: “She’s got Marla’s legs. We don’t know whether or not she’s got this part yet,” Trump said, simulating a pair of breasts over his own chest, “but time will tell.”

An appearance on shock-jock Howard Stern’s radio program led to his commenting on Paris Hilton looks, and his first impression of her: “Now, somebody who a lot of people don’t give credit to but is in actuality very beautiful is Paris Hilton. I’ve known Paris Hilton from the time she’s 12, her parents are friends of mine, and the first time I saw her she walked into the room and I said, ‘Who the hell is that?’ At 12, I wasn’t interested … but she was beautiful.”

Relax everybody, I’m sure it’s perfectly fine to let millions of strangers know that you weren’t interested sexually in a 12-year-old girl, right? Sure, it is. Man, if I had a dollar for every time my dad commented on a 12-year-olds sex appeal, I’d have…. not a f**king one, because that sh*t isn’t f**king normal. But even this gag-reflex testing moment seems almost quaint when you assess what he has said about his other daughter Ivanka. He has opined on several occasions that if his daughter Ivanka weren’t his daughter, he “might be dating her”, which is just goddamn weird, if not creepy as f**k. He was relatively impassive when Stern called her a “piece of ass” on air, just like any non-pedophilic American father would.

An equally troubling incident occurred during the presentation of the Miss Teen USA pageant in 1997, according to Brook Antoinette Mahealani Lee, who was at that time, holder of the Miss Universe title. Seated in the audience next to Trump, she claims that when Ivanka came out on stage as a host, he allegedly turned to her and said; “Don’t you think my daughter’s hot? She’s hot, right?” At the time, Ivanka was only 16.

Other than being her father which was bad enough, he was also 51, which just so happens to be my current age, and that just makes me want to projectile vomit. But as with all persons of low moral character, there’s always more to dredge, so I’ll close off this section with one last story regarding our sole protector of America’s children.

 In a 2016 interview with CBS television, former beauty queen Tasha Dixon had this to say about her interaction with Trump during the 2001 Miss USA pageant: “Our first introduction to him was when we were at the dress rehearsal and half naked changing into our bikinis. He just came strolling right in. There was no second to put a robe on or any sort of clothing or anything.

Some girls were topless. Other girls were naked.”
In addition, she claimed that people who worked for Trump “pressured” the women to “fawn over him, go walk up to him, talk to him, get his attention” while still not fully dressed. “I’m telling you Donald Trump owned the pageant for the reasons to utilize his power to get around beautiful women,” she added. “Who do you complain to? He owns the pageant. There’s no one to complain to. Everyone there works for him.” 

Trump confirmed as much during an appearance in April of 2005 on Sterns show, and I’ll just let our groper in chief speak for himself, as he likes to do: “I’ll go backstage before a show and everyone’s getting dressed and ready and everything else. And you know, no men are anywhere. And I’m allowed to go in because I’m the owner of the pageant. And therefore, I’m inspecting it. You know I’m inspecting it. I want to make sure everything is good.”
Stern: “You’re like a doctor.”
“Is everyone OK? You know they’re standing there with no clothes. Is everybody OK? And you see these incredible looking women. And so, I sort of get away with things like that.”

But this is the guy who Ken thinks will stop the sex trafficking of children? Sure, Jan. That fits. The only interest Trump has in stopping the trafficking of children in my sole opinion, is to make sure he doesn’t have any competition when he’s shopping for a new mistress.

Ken: (via Angela Stanton King) “Trump isn’t running against Biden. He’s running against the Clinton’s, Obama’s, CNN, NBC, MSN, ABC, NPR, BLM, ANTIFA, Soros, etc. It’s TRUMP vs SATAN.”
AB: I’m going to be honest here. Whenever I read statements like this, regardless of the person’s political affiliation, it makes me wonder just how much tin-foil has been stored inside their pre-fab survival bunker, and how many hats they’ve made from it.

I mean, it’s one thing to question who’s running against your candidate, but to actually think a mythical scapegoat has taken the time off to get involved in thwarting them is just pure egotism. While it’s understandable that one could draw parallels between the Media and how your candidate is portrayed, it’s sheer lunacy to think that this vulgarian who’s the closest this country has ever come to having its very own Boy from Brazil in charge, hasn’t allied themselves with the Prince of Darkness, as a rule.

In fact, I have it on pretty good authority that Satan is sick and tired of being blamed for this political aberration, as he’s got so many irons in the proverbial fire already, and wouldn’t waste his time with a person so morally rudderless, even he’s repulsed by him..

However, my favorite part of this idiocy is the mentioning of the boogeymen that keep conservatives locked in a perpetual cycle of fear and loathing. Other than the fact that the aforementioned people aren’t in office, have no official power, and are private citizens, the fear they still are able to generate is truly impressive, nonetheless.

To be clear, conservatives don’t hate this assemblage because of what they’ve done or will do, they hate them because they have the qualities conservatives lack- competence, empathy, humanity, and intellectual depth, along with an aura of personal charm they can only dream of. Because even though Trump and Bill have had many separate adventures in the fantastical kingdom of adultery, Bill is still the only one that never had to cut a check to get someone to shake the sheets with him.

And Ken knows it, which is why the mere thought of these people still having the public’s respect and admiration, burns him up so much.

Ken: “If you are not voting for Trump, it is because you have been brainwashed by the media, the liberals & the DC establishment.”

AB: Yes… that must be the reason why. It’s not his being an incompetent, uninformed, cravenly, narcissistic, egotistical, lying, racist, misogynistic, treasonous, xenophobic, lecherous, science-denying, homophobic, adulterous, draft-dodging, whiny wannabe tin-plated fascist at all, so much as it is the fault of an evil entity.

Yes, it juat has to be the media and the shadow government cabal that strapped me to a chair in a semi-darkened basement and through the use of tactfully applied cattle prods and chilled Ding Dongs, made me think I’d rather sit through a week of watching Chuck Norris and Tommy Wiseau interpret the collected works of William Shakespeare, rather than ever think of casting a vote for Trump. It’s at this point that I might opine that Ken and Reality have never met, but I think it’s far more apt to suggest that’s only because whenever Reality sees Ken walking towards her, she pretends to be on a very important phone call.

Ken: “Wake up America. This was all orchestrated by the extreme left to bring this country and Pres. Trump down and to open the doors of Socialism. Remember you have the right to protect your friends, families, property & community by any means necessary. Make sure you are prepared. This was all planned:- Russian Collusion- Mueller report- Impeachment-Covid 19-Organized Riots”
AB: Man oh man… if “Q” ever needs an official mascot, I would totally recommend Ken, and not just because he’s got those rugged American good looks we all wish we were born with. Granted, while he may have gotten the visual advantage, we were fortunate enough to be blessed with actual working intellects, and besides, we can always get elective plastic surgery to compensate for our shortcomings.

But there’s a seven-layer cake of paranoia to deconstruct here, so let’s get right to it. First off, I’m not entirely sure how the “extreme left” managed to convince every other country on Earth to willingly collaborate with their Machiavellian plan to usurp power from an overly spray-tanned failed game show host, but I’m sure Ken has a conspiracy chart complete with intersecting strings set up in his bathroom to tell us all how to get “woke” when the time comes. 

However, he is correct regarding the fact that you have the right to protect your loved ones and all that encompasses, within reason of course, but it’s somewhat unclear what threat Ken thinks they’ll be facing that would require a physical response. As an entrenched suburbanite, let me assure you the only thing I fear are the glut of missionaries knocking on my front door, and when an adorable child shows up selling candy for their school, because as anybody who knows me will tell you, I’m gonna be buying 25 dollars’ worth of chocolate that I could get at Walmart for five bucks.

What Ken seems to conveniently forget once again however, is the fact that if he and his similarly-minded buttheads-in-arms ever become America’s last line of defense, we’d be better off surrendering and handing over the keys to whomever is battling us, albeit the Russians or as I’m hoping for, the armies of Princess Aura, AKA: the daughter of Ming the Merciless, because let’s face it, she’s far easier on the eyes than Trump’s currently rented fembot, Melania, if not significantly smarter, too. And I will gladly admit, I’m more than happy to play “captive earth-man and the space princess” however long she requires me to do so.
That delightful thought aside, I must address the rest of Ken’s fever dream, and as usual, I will do so using facts, which to Ken, seem akin as the parables within the Bible are to Donald Trump, but I digress.

To start, the fallout from the Mueller Investigation has resulted in (at this time) seven convictions of close Trump associates, no less than 34 indictments, asset seizures estimated to be in the range of 46 million, and most importantly- two history-making counts of impeachment knotted tightly around Trump’s neck, for Abuse of Power and Obstruction of Justice. That’s a pretty good return on a leftist plot, let me tell you. At best, we usually just break even,

 But there’s more! When it comes to the Pandemic, Ken also puzzlingly ignores the established timeline of how the Fanta Flubber managed the information regarding it. On Feb. 28, 2020, at yet another one of his innumerable ego-stroke rallies hosted in South Carolina, he compared the valid criticism of his mismanaging the spread of the virus by Democrats to their attempts to impeach him by saying; “this is their new hoax.

At the time, he also attempted to verbally soften the virality of COVID-19, by comparing it to the common flu. This flippancy occurred prior to his rambling (on tape) to noted Watergate journalist Bob Woodward in April, the following snippets of accidental truth:

“Bob, it’s so easily transmissible, you wouldn’t even believe it,I mean, you could be in the room… I was in the White House a couple of days ago, meeting with 10 people in the Oval Office and a guy sneezed, innocently. Not a horrible- just a sneeze.

The entire room bailed out, OK? Including me, by the way.” “This is deadly stuff, You just breathe the air and that’s how it’s passed. And so that’s a very tricky one. That’s a very delicate one. It’s also more deadly than even your strenuous flu.”

I wanted to always play it down, I still like playing it down, because I don’t want to create a panic.” And most chillingly; “This thing is a killer if it gets you. If you’re the wrong person, you don’t have a chance.” “It’s a plague.”

But for further detail that Ken deliberately overlooked in order to comfortably masturbate to his own obliviousness, let’s call up that established timeline I referenced earlier: JAN. 22: “We have it totally under control. It’s one person, coming in from China. It’s going to be just fine.” JAN. 24: “China has been working very hard to contain the Coronavirus. The United States greatly appreciates their efforts and transparency. It will all work out well. In particular, on behalf of the American People, I want to thank President Xi!”

JAN. 30: “Hopefully it won’t be as bad as some people think it could be. But we’re working very closely with them and with a lot of other people and a lot of other countries. And we think we have it very well under control.” FEB. 10: “I think the virus is going to be- it’s going to be fine.” FEB. 26:The 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero… This is a flu. This is like a flu.”

MAR. 6: “You have to be calm. It’ll go away.” MAR. 7: “No, I’m not concerned at all. No, I’m not. No, we’ve done a great job.” MAR. 13: “We’ve done a great job because we acted quickly. We acted early. And there’s nothing we could have done that was better than closing our borders to highly infected areas.”  And so on, ad nausea, resulting in two final quotes showcasing exactly how much of an incompetent jackass this man really is- again;

MAR, 13:No, I don’t take responsibility at all, we were given a set of circumstances…it wasn’t meant for this kind of an event with the kind of numbers that we’re talking about.”  SEPT: “They are dying. That’s true. And you- it is what it is, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t doing everything we can. It’s under control as much as you can control it.”

But yeah… Kenny Cheez Whiz, this is all the fault of the Left. And as for the “riots” Ken misses the point of? I already covered why they’re occurring in the last piece I wrote, so I’m not gonna waste my time beating a brain-dead honky into dust. Not too surprisingly, given Ken’s insistence that “All Lives Matter”, he’s also a proponent of the idiom that “Blue Lives Matter”, which to my great dismay, isn’t about Smurfs, but cops instead, which is just idiotic.

Why, you ask? Well, first off, “Blue” isn’t an actual race. unless you count the aforementioned Smurfs and whatever the heck the Diva Plavalaguna is in the Fifth Element. It’s a job, no more, no less.

And while it is a dangerous one at times, it’s also an occupation that’s a personal choice, not a mandatory career forced upon you at the moment of your birth as if you were a bee. Sorry/not sorry. When I was a kid, I had great respect for police in general, but now, as a man in his early fifties? Not so much.

In fact, it’s as close to zilch as one can get without saying the word itself. This is due partially to how today’s police force views the general public with outright contemptuous hostility, and how they’ve manifested that attitude with progressively aggressive behavior towards the citizens they’re sworn to protect and the militarization of basic tactics and uniforms that call to mind Seal Team 6 on a drunken staycation.

This is not to say that all cops are “bad”, but if the ones who self-deem as “good” allow those who violate their code of ethics to continue operating without consequence, aren’t they indeed in the end, “bad”?

That answer is “yes” by the way, for those of you with ambiguous morality. But not according to Ken, no siree Bob. For it seems that everyone who has ever been mistreated, assaulted, maimed, crippled, blinded, or outright murdered by the boy-band in blue is without question, 100% at fault,

Every time. Especially if they’re African-American. and don’t you dare even think of using validated eye-witness testimony, bystander cell-phone video, or the cops’ own body-cam footage to say otherwise, because Ken, our resident middle-aged jar of rancid mayonnaise, is here to set you walking down the White path regarding your erroneous opinion.

And since he is such a helpful sort, he was nice enough to provide the evidence necessary to back up my opinion yet again. Someday, I’m going to have to buy him a BLM gift pack (t-shirt, bumper stickers, and house flag) so that I can thank him appropriately, but the thought of him wearing that shirt at the next pro-Blue Klux Klan rally he attends, fills me with such glee, no thanks are necessary:

Ken: Common factor in the police shootings. The victims resisted. Maybe officers’ instructions should be followed.”

AB: “I’ll take “THINGS KEN IS WRONG ANOUT YET AGAIN” for $300, Alex.” To this I say, go f**k yourself with a sandpaper-lined Fleshlight, Ken. Philandro Castile was following orders. Breonna Taylor who was unarmed, and was murdered in her own hallway.

Tamir Rice was twelve years old and playing in a park with a toy gun, and was shot dead as the officer exited his cruiser with no prior interaction. In Utah, an unarmed autistic thirteen-year-old named Linden Cameron was fired upon no less than eleven times as he ran away from police officers who were responding to a call that he required a mental health intervention.

George Floyd was laying on the ground handcuffed for a suspected crime, as a 200lb+ police officer knelt on his neck for eight minutes and forty-six seconds. Despite Floyd’s complaining about being unable to breathe, the officer refused to lift his knee until he was ordered to do so by paramedics. An autopsy concluded that “evidence is consistent with mechanical asphyxia as the cause of death.

Atatiana Koquice Jefferson was shot while in her own home, after a neighbor called a non-emergency number, stating that Jefferson’s front door was open. Rather than knock on said door, police crept around the house, leading to her picking up a legally registered gun on the belief that she had a prowler, and was shot dead through a window in front of her six-year-old nephew.

Stephon Clark was standing in his grandmother’s back yard holding a cell-phone, when a cadre of trained by sea-monkey police officers dispensed 20 rounds, killing him. He was not being pursued or suspected of a crime by said blue thugs, but nobody was ever charged with his murder.

 And if you didn’t notice, Ken never once calls these unfortunate souls “perpetrators”, or “convicted criminals”, nope… Ken says “victims”, a Freudian slip which just goes to show that despite his assertions they got what they deserved, even he knows he’s full of s**t in trying to defend this ever-growing list of executions by cops.

Ken: “If you don’t listen to a police officer’s orders, what happens to you is your fault. No matter what color your skin is.”
AB: I think I just established that’s garbage, but since you’re as sharp as a marshmallow Ken, I’ll provide an example as to why you’re incorrect once more. On July 18, 2016, Charles Kinsey, a mental health specialist, had been in the middle of reacquiring a severely autistic patient named Arnaldo Rios Soto, who had run away from his group home, when the duo came into contact with Miami police officers who later claimed that they were searching for an armed suicidal man.

In the incident caught on video, Kinsey was lying on the ground with his hands in the air, as he clearly informed officers whom he and his patient were, when he was shot without any form of justifiable cause. The officer who shot Kinsey said his intent was to shoot Kinsey’s non-interactive patient, who was doing nothing more than playing with a TOY TRUCK, and which despite being obviously so, was “misidentified” as a gun, which the police claimed was “threatening” Kinsey.

Because as we all know, not only do modern guns come with wheels, but the best way to save a hostage is to kill them, in a means to take away the leverage of the kidnapper. Following the shooting, Kinsey was handcuffed and left bleeding from a leg wound, for close to twenty minutes without police giving him medical aid. The outcome?Thankfully, Kinsey survived, and the officer who shot Kinsey, Jonathan Aledda, was arrested, and formally charged with attempted manslaughter and negligence.

However, despite his being found guilty of said negligence charge some two years later, he had not been officially fired from the force until a day after the verdict was reached, and infuriatingly, did not serve any prison time for his actions. In a move that screams “the laws don’t apply to us”, he was sentenced to probation and asked to write [seriously?] a 2,500-word essay on policing, because I guess attempted murder can now be forgiven with an English class assignment. In the end, Aledda was released after serving less than 5 months of probation.

Adding insult to Kinsey’s literal injury, Aledda’s conviction also will not appear on his criminal record. Kinsey eventually settled a federal lawsuit with the City of North Miami regarding Aledda’s incompetent actions for an undisclosed amount, and hopefully, Aledda will never be given any form of authority ever again. Now, while the statistic that Whites get shot by police at a far greater rate than African Americans is true, it should also be noted that African-Americans have a five-time higher percentage of being shot for far lesser activities in the first place.

It’s amazing to me how these officers will “fear for their life” when an African-American is doing nothing more than walking down a street, but are as equally comfortable arresting a mass shooter armed to the teeth, who just so happens to be White. Quirk of the Universe, I guess?Ken: “Deep thought… Do you think the chance of being murdered by a police officer could be reduced to nearly zero by simlpy staying out of trouble to begin with?”

AB: a couple of boxes to unwrap here, Ken. First, the only thing “deep” about you in my humble opinion, is your ignorance and racist predilections. And as the previous responses show, I’m not entirely sure how a woman sleeping in her own bed somehow constitutes either a crime or a death sentence. But nice Freudian slip there, buddy. You didn’t say “shot” or “killed” or even the action-movie cliché of “exterminated”. No, you said “murdered”, which once again, just shows that you and your so-called POV are as relevant to the modern-day racial equality discussion as your application to MENSA was

Ken: “Today justice was served in Louisville Ky.  No officers were indicted in the death of Breonna Taylor.  If you don’t like the law then work to change it.  The officers were only following the terms of the No-knock Warrant issued by a Judge. In the United States, a no-knock warrant is a warrant issued by a judge that allows law enforcement to enter a property without immediate prior notification of the residents, such as by knocking or ringing a doorbell. In most cases, law enforcement will identify themselves just before they forcefully enter the property. It is issued under the belief that any evidence they hope to find can be destroyed during the time that police identify themselves and the time they secure the area, or in the event where there is a large perceived threat to officer safety during the execution of the warrant.”

AB: Sigh… somewhere out there is a public school that’s responsible for this jackboot-licking dips**t, and we either need to fund it adequately, or close it down for the good of the local community. The police raid that killed Breonna Taylor was flawed from the start, and here’s why: Breonna Taylor, a 26-year-old Black woman, was murdered in cold blood in her own apartment by three officers from the Louisville Metro Police whose name are Jonathan Mattingly, Brett Hankison, and Myles Cosgrove. Serving a search warrant for her ex-boyfriend Jamarcus Glover, an individual they ALREADY HAD IN CUSTODY. After entering the apartment wearing plainclothes, they were met by Taylor’s current boyfriend Kenneth Walker, who under the impression that they were intruders, fired at them, causing a flesh wound on officer Mattingly’s leg, although this assertion may also be incorrect, due to contradictory ballistic evidence that has been unearthed as of late. In return, the officers fired 32 shots in return, missing Walker entirely, but six of those found Taylor in a hallway and ended her life.

Hankison alone was fired by the LMP not for his part in murdering her, but for his thoughtlessly pumping ammo through the covered patio door and window of Taylor’s apartment, an action of aggression which has led to three charges of wanton endangerment for endangering a neighbor with his shots. Essentially, he’s being prosecuted not for her murder, but for the fact he failed to add more lead to her body. The city quickly coughed up $12 million and promised to restructure their policies, but the two other officers involved in the raid were not indicted, because apparently, they feared her bed’s throw pillows and were justified in pretending they were playing Call of Duty for keeps.

And about that “no-knock” warrant?

 To acquire said warrant, an LMP detective claimed in a sworn affidavit that he’d seen Glover, who was arrested the SAME NIGHT TEN MILES AWAY, leaving Taylor’s apartment two months prior with a package before his arrival at a “known drug house.” The same detective affirmed that he had verified that Glover had been receiving “packages of interest” at Taylor’s home “through a US Postal Inspector”. Unfortunately, for this allegedly lying sack of pork rinds, Tony Gooden, the U.S. postal inspector in Louisville, told WDRB News that not only hadn’t the LMP used his office to authenticate this information, but stated that an altogether agency had asked in January to look into this allegation, to which his office concluded there was no validity.

Not surprisingly given this volatile information, the police and right-wing media moved swiftly on a campaign of disinformation to smear Taylor’s character, leaning on her ex to besmirch her good name by bolstering their claim that she was involved with Glover’s criminal activities. According to Glover; “The police are trying to make it out to be my fault and turning the whole community out here making it look like I brought this to Breonna’s door, there was nothing never there or anything ever there, and at the end of the day, they went about it the wrong way and lied on that search warrant and shot that girl out there,”

 So to recap; badged thugs wearing street clothes, under the auspices of a warrant they obtained under false pretense, entered a home, and while carelessly firing bullets as if they were free, murdered one of its occupants in cold blood, and subsequently tried to frame her boyfriend, then tried to blame the victim for her own death by attempting to pressure the ex-boyfriend to lie about her, and when that failed, proceeded to not charge her executioners with murder. But once again, and at the very least, she was guilty of being Black, so that makes her death just another corpse to add to the police’s ever-growing collection  of dead citizens as they mouth platitudes and swear they’ll get it right next time. I’m sure they will. Hopefully however, it won’t be at your house Ken, if they don’t. And if it is, I’m certain they’ll openly take the blame for it, because that is so their thing, right?

 You just better pray they knock first.

I have to tell you, reading Ken’s mash notes to the Blue Bacon Brigade is definitely an eye opener as to the purity of Ken’s belief in Law and Order. The takeaway here being; follow commands, do what you’re told, and if you get hurt… well, that’s all on you. And if I wanted to hurl a surprise can of gasoline into the fire, I actually agree with this view in principle, limited as that may be. The difference being that if you’re dumb enough to use deadly force against a cop, not only did you “ask for it” regarding whatever action they take next, you insisted that it be gift wrapped as well. But that’s where the line is. you don’t derive a beat-down or death, for running your mouth, refusing to show ID, selling loose cigarettes, jaywalking, sleeping in your own home, playing in a park, exercising your constitutional rights, or shoplifting. But per his normal penchant for whitewashing, Ken can never get away clean. It just wouldn’t feel right if he didn’t throw a last touch of hypocrisy upon the moldering mound of mendacity we’ve all come to expect from him. And yes, here it comes.

Ken: “Only in America you get a pass for rioting, burning down buildings, assaulting law enforcement officers and not wearing masks in large gatherings, but you get arrested for not wearing a mask, even though you were following the state mask mandate. SHE WAS MORE THAN 6 FEET FROM THE NEXT GROUP OF PEOPLE. All individuals in Ohio must wear facial coverings in public at all times when: At an indoor location that is not a residence Outdoors, but unable to maintain six-foot social distance from people who are not household members Waiting for, riding, driving, or operating public transportation, such as a taxi, a car service, or a private car used for ride-sharing.”

 AB: Oh Ken… what did punctuation ever do to you as a child? I only ask because this rant reads less than an opinion and more like the sort of babble that happens when White people discover that they too, can win stupid prizes for playing stupid games. Now, I’m sure there must be a rationalization for Ken’s soon-to-be-discussed hypocrisy here, so let’s dig in to what happened. The Karen pictured here wearing complimentary locking friendship bracelets, goes by the name of Alecia Kitts, and is an Ohio mother of two, who now faces two charges due to the incident: resisting arrest, which is a second-degree misdemeanor, and criminal trespassing, a fourth-degree misdemeanor. The big hullabaloo started when Kitts, who was sitting in the bleachers attending a middle school football game, was confronted by a school resource officer over her lack of a face mask.

This led to Kitts claiming (without proof) that she couldn’t wear one, due to her “asthma”, which in most cases, is total bupkus, according to Stukus. That being Dr. David Stukus, a member of the Medical Scientific Council for the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America who says; “For people with very mild asthma or well-controlled asthma, it’s probably not going to be an issue, For people who have very severe disease and have frequent exacerbations, ER visits, hospitalizations, require lots of medications and frequent symptoms, it might cause more issues for those folks.”

 After this still as yet unproven clam of medical frailty, Kitts was asked to leave due to her violating the school’s COVID-19 policy, and when she failed to comply, was subsequently ejected as a trespasser. In response to this valid expulsion, Kitts responded in a fashion that is completely in line with someone who has a supposed history of breathing problems, that being the decision to engage in a strenuously physical altercation with an officer of the law. Cell-phone video of the same shows Kitts fighting with the officer (also known in cop parlance as “resisting arrest”) as he scuffles for nearly two minutes to handcuff her before deploying his Taser to her right shoulder, after which, he escorts her out of the bleachers.

A minor detail escapes me here… what was it Ken said previously regarding following the orders of the police? Gosh, it’s so fuzzy… almost impossible to recall, darn my middle-aged memory. Oh wait, here it is, I just had to look in the right place. He said, and I quote: “If you don’t listen to a police officer’s orders, what happens to you is your fault. No matter what color your skin is.” If I may, let me just point out a few notes that Ken forgot to jot down in his indignation. A school, like any other business that serves the general public, is a private entity, and can legally set in place any policies that it wants regarding behavior and other such protocols, such as penalties for violating those guidelines. The police who are oft hired by those entities, are allowed by way of their granted authority, to enforce both the various private regulations along with the civil ones as well, and when you’re told to get off private property by a representative of such, it’s not open for debate, no matter how offended you are or how absurd you view it as.

 I’m fairly certain if we all crashed one of Ken’s bigoted brunches and demanded he cater to our every undeserved whim, the final consequences for doing so wouldn’t be open to a balanced peer review. And I’m most certain Ken wouldn’t accept being physically attacked for it, either. But yet for Ken, this reality goes right out the window when it comes to aiding in the defense of these combative Caucasian Karens when they are caught violating the law. So, she was trespassing and assaulted a cop? How dare she be held to account for her actions, as the cop ignores that Black family over there, doing White people things. And in public, no less. I’d bet even money that if this woman had been African-American, Ken would be playing all the racist classics- “should have listened”, “should have followed/known the rules”, “shouldn’t have picked a fight a cop”, “those people are just thugs and criminals to begin with”, “you just know they have a record”, and my personal favorite: “why can’t they just follow the rules like we do?”. Yeah, that sounds about White, I guess.

However, Ken’s obsessions don’t just stop with Trump and badged thugs, he’s got quite the thing for conspiracies involving the Media as well. Ken doesn’t believe for one second in the veracity of the mainstream, but he’s definitely a regular swimmer within the lamestream. It’s just a shame he’s swallowed so much of the Kool-Ade as he’s done so.

 Cue the obligatory Media memes!!!

Ken; “Who all, other than me, thinks that the Media is Responsible for Promoting Racial Violence in this Country

AB: If you’re referring to Right-wing media stoking the racist fires by abusing the concept of identity politics, then you, my marginal sir, are 100% correct in your belief. However, if you’re attempting to slur the Left as equally culpable, then you missed the turnoff to The Obvious Point by more than a few miles. By way of example, FOX, which is at best, yellow journalism weaponized to serve as a propaganda department for our Craven-in Chief, plays the White Fear card so consistently, I’m amazed that its mentally-challenged viewership has enough sack to attend all those rallies, what with those packs of murderous Antifa and BLM thugs so openly ravaging the suburbs and all. And I could note the various other sites such as QAnon and Breitbart, along with a handful of others that cater to the lowest denominator of the intellectually void, but when it comes to being the OG of BS, FOX is the trendsetter. When they’re not promoting their imaginary “war” against the four cornerstones of the Right-wing demographic, that being Conservatives, Christmas, Cops, and Christianity.

Typically, they can usually be found selectively editing the cherry-picked American history they promote regarding the inherent racism that was built into the founding pillars of our social and economic infrastructure. And when it comes to the fight for civil rights, they’ll be ever so quick to let you know that the one group always under continuous threat and that needs champions the most, are Whites. Specifically, White men. You ladies just need to get your asses back in the kitchen and make us a sandwich, before we take away your right to speak to us without our permission first.

Now to be fair, FOX News isn’t solely responsible for germinating these bigoted tactics, but they do keep them alive, much in the way that Dr. Frankenstein might, if he had gotten his medical degree from Trump University. However, when the topic of discussion is that of immigrants, regardless of their legal status, that’s when FOX becomes your racist uncle going off during Thanksgiving dinner. FOX regularly allows its show hosts and their bigoted guests, primarily charlatans habitually described as “experts”, almost total free reign in how they construct their narrative of an America being overrun by violent crime, disease, and cultural influences inflicted upon us by persons intent on destroying our previously unblemished country. And even worse, these sub-humans vote Democratic, which is what really scares them the most.

If this sounds at all familiar, it’s probably because this is a page straight out of Hitler’s playbook for 1933 Germany, and we all know where that went. Such parallels however, are routinely dismissed by FOX’s cadre of Tokyo Roses’ who regularly engage in gaslighting to create a false sense of validity, in an attempt to normalize their abominable worldview. But the Left isn’t clear of this, not by a long shot. After all, I did see a segment on MSNBC once that suggested adding pineapple to a pizza, and any group of sociopaths who would openly encourage that, must be stopped for the common good at all costs.

Ken: “China spread the disease. Democrats spread the lies. Media spread the panic. They crashed the economy. All to destroy our President.”

AB: If someone ever figures out how to charge rent for the conspiracy-based victimization that most Trump supporters live under 24/7, they’re going to have a bank account balance that Jeff Bezos can only dream of touching himself to. To be clear, what Dudley Dipstick is suggesting here, is that a country that Trump and his daughter/side-girl still do personal business with, is responsible for his inaction to halt its effect, in conjunction with Democrats who, using nothing other than the accumulating scientific data, fell in lockstep with the “Media” in order to crash our economy, an obvious ruse designed to make our racist, vulgar, sexually predating, porn-star affair underwriting, lecherous, lying, cravenly, incompetent, ineffectual, narcissistic, misogynistic, aspiring-fascist egomaniac Commander-in Grief look… “bad”. I’m gonna admit I’m at a loss here. I don’t know if I should welcome Ken into the world of creative writing, or hastily assemble his family and remaining friends to stage a desperately needed intervention.

We’ve all heard the phrase ”put down the pipe”, but in his case, I think that should be modified to “put down the remote control, and cancel your internet.” I know this comes as a terrible shock to you Ken, but if there is one arena your President shines far and away like a star in, it’s making himself look bad without assistance. He may just be the bestest at it, a skillset so bigly, that no one in history may ever get close to matching, much less surpassing.

 Speaking of unfounded bigliness…

Ken: “Day 1 of the DNC : 21.4 Million Views. Day 1 of the RNC : 128.4 Million Views”

AB: Wow. That’s one impressive statistic… or it would be, if it were even close to being true, as opening night numbers compiled by Nielsen Media Research, showed 17 million viewers for the RNC, versus 19.7 million viewers for the DNC. That by the way, is an almost hardly worth mentioning miniscule difference of 111.4 million from what Ken absurdly claimed as fact. To put that in perspective, that’s roughly one-third of America’s current population he overshot by. Adding further insult to wounded pride, the DNC was the ratings winner overall, due to the fact that it seems most Americans are sick and tired of the fascism cosplay that the GOP has blown their metaphorical wad on.

The four-night average totals, compiled from data encompassing the viewing audience of ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox News Channel, Fox Business Network, CNN, CNNe, MSNBC, Telemundo, Univision, PBS, Newsmax and Newsy, were such: 19,400,000 for the Republicans, and 21,600,000 for the Democrats.

All I can say regarding this wretched attempt at gaslighting, is that if he’s as good at describing the accurate size of his Bone Ranger as he is at doing research, the next woman he manages to guilt into sex is going to sadly discover that his vanilla banana is so inverted, they’ll be two vaginas being left unsatisfied when the night ends. But Ken’s not quite done showing his ignorance just yet, and this time around, he’s going to disgustingly appropriate the tragedy of a murdered child to do it, which I will acknowledge, is quite the unexpected plot twist.

Ken: “NBC , ABC , CBS . and CNN show zero results for reports on the 5-year-old white child allegedly executed by black 25-year-old.”

AB: I’m going to do something out of character here. For once, I’m not going to respond to this outright racist f**kery with my normal compliment of venomous snark. What Ken is referring to here, is the senseless slaughter of 5-year-old Cannon Hinnant, who was deliberately shot in the head as he rode his bike in his own front yard. The alleged shooter. Darius Sessoms, was arrested after fleeing the scene, and has been charged with first degree murder in relation to the incident. Sessoms, much to the delight of conservative ghouls, does have a previous record of brushes with the law: he was previously convicted of felony larceny of firearms in March of 2016, a misdemeanor maintaining a place for a controlled substance in April of 2016, and felony marijuana possession in November of 2016. In addition, he also has two pending counts of felony maintaining a vehicle, dwelling or place for a controlled substance. Quite the resume, but nothing that would lead to people assuming he could have done something like this.

Hinnant’s mother, Bonny Waddell, in an interview with CBS affiliate WNCN, said: “He was my neighbor for years. We always spoke when we saw each other. It was, we never, never ever had arguments with each other,” The motivation for Sessoms’s act of inhumanity has not been established, not that it really matters to those who feel the loss of an innocent life, but ruling it out as a race crime being one of the factors, is not an option as of yet. So naturally, our White Warrior jumped on it as such, claiming that national Media ignored the story, which is patently untrue.

 I have no idea how it is that Ken can use the Internet to embarrass himself so consistently, but somehow, has not discovered the joy of that which is Google. From Snopes.com, regarding the assertion that the national media ignored this story entirely: “Darius Sessoms, who is Black, has been charged in the fatal shooting of 5-year-old Cannon Hinnant on Aug. 9, 2020, according to police statements. However, no evidence has demonstrated a pattern of ignoring the crime on the part of mainstream news media outlets, much less doing so to further a predetermined racial narrative.” Given the fact it took me less than forty seconds to debunk this racist tripe, what’s Ken’s excuse for pushing this falsehood other than the need to draw an unsupported parallel to foster his racist worldview that the White race is under attack 24/7?

Personally, I’ve never thought that there could ever be a successful human analog for sentient vomit, but here he is. Newsflash, Ken? Just because this poor child didn’t get a protest and George Floyd did, doesn’t mean one is less or more important than the other. It’s about context, a concept that you obviously do not grasp. Both of these cases involve a murder committed by a person of dubious mental acuity, but only one of these was at the hands of someone who swore an oath to protect the very person they killed. In all honesty Ken, you couldn’t care less what the truth entails, for it only serves as a conduit of convenience for you to push your venom upon a society already weakened by the likes of people such as yourself. You have no interest in changing the world that util now, has suited you well, so please stop with your faux outrage and far too real ignorance.

 And if you do, then why aren’t you organizing the very tributes that you demand others present? Are your hands painted on? Or is it because they’re otherwise occupied with polishing your undersized tiki-torch?

In the last screed, I noted Ken’s use of social media to push forward an ideology so dense, it could be used as either a doorstop or as a Kardashian, but I barely scratched the surface, in fact. If I actually wrote about everything I discovered, I could make a career out of the serialization of his innate idiocy, but for the sake of my sanity and yours, I’ll just touch upon some further brilliant insights from our resident professor of African-American cultural studies instead.

Ken: “Black Americans comprise 14% of the population yet, are the recipients of 88% of the existing social programs. Tell me again about “equality”! no amount of money will ever level the field! That comes from personal initive, period!”

AB: First Ken, maybe you could take some of that personal “initiative” thar you imply you have, and perhaps learn how to punctuate and spell correctly, as it’s obvious that social program we call public schooling has obviously failed you on many different levels. As to the rest of your statement, let’s dissect. The actual percentage of African-Americans in this country is actually 12.1%, but as we’ve seen, Ken can’t do research. According to the last US Census, 21.3% of the US population participates in some form of government assistance each month. Of those, the African-American demographic showed a 41.6% inclusion rate, with Latinos at 36.4%, and the Asian / Pacific Islander rate at 17.8%, with whites closing out the data field at 13.2%. But an additional far-more detailed study (2016) conducted by the US Department of health and Human Services, US department of commerce and CATO Institute concluded that overall, 35.4% of the US population as a whole, were receiving some variant of federal aid.

When broken down between Black and Whites however, the number really punches a hole in Ken’s dinghy of dumbf**kery. But to add even more holes to the ones in both Ken’s head and theory, it also appears that immigrants, a favorite target of the Right aren’t the welfare queens and cheats that they like to slur as such, and I can’t even tell you how much I’m enjoying this factoid. The breakdown: welfare recipients who are Hispanic: 15.7%, Asian: 2.4%, and “Other”: 3.3%. Please note however, this does not mean that 15.7 percent of all Hispanic Americans and 2.4 percent of all Asian Americans are on welfare. It is simply referring to the percentage of welfare recipients.

And what’s the numbers when it comes to the White and Black percentages, you ask? Well, Whites average a rate of: 38.8%, and when it comes to the Blacks that Ken implies are sucking Americas’ metaphorical teats dry, it’s a rate of 39.8%, or a difference of 1.1%. This once again, does not infer that 38.8& of all Whites, and 39.8% of all Blacks are on welfare. It means that when tabulated by race, those are the ending tallies. In fact, despite intensive research using several government assistance platforms, I couldn’t find any statistics that came even remotely close to matching Ken’s bullspit claims. Other factors Ken ignores in order to push this false narrative, are as clear as day and just as easy to find when one bothers to look.

Disparities in income equality, criminal justice, educational funding, job opportunities within economically disadvantaged and purposefully ghettoized neighborhoods, banking disparities, and deep cultural impasses all add to these numbers, but Ken doesn’t want to hear that. If he changes his outlook, it also means he’d have to change his entire wardrobe, and he’d never get full market value for those previously used white robes in this current economy, sad to say.

Ken: “My thoughts exactly. Brett Roberts Yes sir…there can be no Equality until there is personal Accountability…and the Black community holds themselves to the same standards of conduct and responsibility…commitment to marriage…Child rearing with two parents…and respect for the Law…there I said it…will await the “R” Word.”

AB: I’d swear to mythical God that if Ken goes any deeper in his exploration of racist tropes, he’d qualify as the White supremacist version of Alan Quartermain. If only those criminally-driven, unchecked in their breeding monkeys could learn to act like us civilized White people, we’d finally be able to achieve that Utopia we’ve been aspiring to be since America was formed for the benefit of those rich white slave owners, huh? In the KJ version of the Bible, John: 8 states: So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.”

I’m fairly certain the obvious message within this passage will fly over Ken’s head, but that’s to be expected. After all, when your point of view is shouted from a sewer, most things do. And I’m confused as to why Ken needs to “await the R Word”, when it’s fairly obvious its been tattooed on his forehead in reverse so he doesn’t forget who and what he is. And fortunately, he’s got options as to what that might be: Ridiculous. Reprehensible. Revolting. And yes… Racist. Shaking it up, Ken throws us a combined duo pitch of pin-headedness, and he does it with hus usual mix of idiocy and arrogance. I’l give him one thing though- this guy is more consistent than milk, if not way whiter.

Ken: “Everybody on the Left believes that all Whites, except for them, hate Blacks, and that they must stand up for Black peoples rights, but doesn’t that mean they believe that Blacks are weak and can’t stand up for themselves?”

 AB: Um… no we don’t, and more importantly, we’ve never said or implied that. Ever. The reason why we support Civil rights for all, is because we have this crazy idea that everybody is equal, whether we agree with their politics, lifestyle, or preferred choice of snack cakes. And we don’t regard Blacks as “weak”- we just understand that when people are being openly denied their rights, the majority demographic that tends to take theirs for granted, has a moral responsibility to use that entrenched position and their collective voice to eradicate such insidiousness. It’s really that simple. 

Ken: “There is NO race war going on in America. It’s just a bunch of isolated, media-staged events in congested cities to con you into believing it’s happening everywhere, when it’s not.”

AB: I really don’t know the Media does it. Seriously, how do they find the time and energy? For according to Ken, they’re already quite busy “brainwashing” Americans, while concurrently, being “responsible for promoting racial Violence in this country”, and while their hands had to be pretty full already, what with “spreading the panic” of the pandemic and all, they still found a way to dig deep and plan a series of worldwide protests, as well as making certain everybody showed up en masse and on time. I don’t know what organizational geniuses are behind all of these shadowy machinations, but if I ever get married, I want those bad-ass bitches planning the wedding and reception, if not the bachelor party beforehand.

But do take some heart, because while Ken’s intellect is out of warranty, he at least does have a sense of humor that still might be, due to its lack of use. To be fair, neither of the following was intended to be funny on purpose, but like most Trumpanzees, Ken’s gift for the inadvertently absurd is a godsend for us, even if it definitely needs to be taken back to the shop for a tune-up, ASAP

Ken: “Can we still order Black Coffee??? Are Brownies being taken off the shelf? is White Castle changing it’s name?… I’m sure Cracker Barrel is screwed..,Can we still play Chinese Checkers? …is it still called an Indian burn? No more Italian sausages? How far do ya want to go with this foolishness?”

AB:  A far better question to be asked: is there anybody out there who can give me a CAT scan, because this statement may have just given me an aneurysm. I cannot, with 100% certainty, ascertain what happened to Ken to turn him from a functioning zygote into a mobile gainsayer gloryhole, but I would bet dollars to doughnuts it either involves using his skull as an involuntary floor jack during shop class, or being trapped inside an unventilated garage as he spray-painted something as a kid one too many times.

Keep in mind, we’re being lectured regarding foolishness by an alleged bigot who’s chosen political party has called for “boycotts” of the following companies, due to their public or perceived  to be, ant-Trump stance: Walmart, Netflix, NBO Starbucks, Macy’s, Keurig, Campbell’s Soup, the NFL, NIKE, Anheuser-Busch, Oreos, Target, Gillette, Pepsi, Dell, Nordstrom, GrubHub, Univision, CBS, ABC, NBC, CNN, MSNBC, Amazon, Ben & Jerry’s, Cheerios, Skittles, Apple, T.J. Maxx, Ford Motors, Goodyear, AT&T, Tumblr, Yelp, Twitter, YouTube, Google, Wikipedia, Instagram. and in a couldn’t make this stuff up moment straight out of a Monty Python sketch, even the blockbuster movie Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, was not immune to their lunacy of self-victimization either.

Think about that. Take all the time you need. A movie about space wizards using glow sticks on steroids as weapons, and which has featured an obviously closeted talking android as a main character for decades, while simultaneously failing to fix the scars of my childhood by not killing every f**king Ewok in the universe, was targeted because the Cult 45 collective thought the ANTI-FASCIST message within the movie was somehow aimed at Trump. They were also aggravated by the fact that a woman was piloting the Millennium Falcon, and that Black people were now part of the First Order, but that’s a story arc for another time. It does strike me as strange that even though his base screams he’s not a fascist misogynistic racist NAZI, people who are fans of such seem to think he is, which is a weird thing to believe about a guy who supposedly isn’t.

However, there’s a classic conservative gambit in play here, which is to take an unrelated tangent, and smack it right upside a topic they’re trying to desperately deflect attention away from.

So, in order of Ken’s inane queries, I’ll simply say; (1) Yes, but why would you, it’s disgusting. (2) No, because us Diabetics will cut you if you try. (3) They can’t, because they were in a movie, and no one wants to lose all that free publicity. (4) As long as morbidly obese old people exist, they’ll be fine. (5) Please… we all know that game is way out of your skill range, if not your intellect. (6) If you’re still six, yes. (7) See previous “old people” statement. (8) And how far will we go to make sure everybody has the same rights? Further than you and your cowardly Caucasian cadre could ever go, because you’re all afraid of your own shadows… probably because they’re darker in tint than you.

And you should probably get used to us always getting in your way to maintain the status quo, because we’re NEVER going to stop ruining your day, your plans, and the comfort yo take in being an openly emboldened bigot.

Ken: [ No meme this time, just the visual representation of: “I can’t be a racist, because I have Black friends.” ]

 AB: Normally, I try not to bridge the vastly separated continents of Hyperbole and Reality, but here, I think this one time, I might be able to get away with it. I have no idea who these two men are, albeit if they’ve been hired as background dressing for a Trump rally, or are really pro-Trump supporters, but either way, this is just ridiculously hilarious, if unintentionally so. And it’s not just because almost every time I’ve seen one of these shirts being worn in public, it’s almost always on someone who looks like this:

People so white that the rays of the Sun bouncing off of them are one of the reasons why Antarctica is melting as fast as it is. If these African-American gentlemen are wearing it as irony, then it’s awesome in its execution. If they’re actually serious however, then this is literally the modern-day equivalent of “Jews for Hitler”, “Hessians for Colonials”, “Cockroaches for Raid”, House Flies for Spiders”, or even more terrifying; “Eddie Van Halen for David Lee Roth”. No offense intended, Sammy Hagar, but we all know who Ed was most jealous of. Despite Ken’s implication that African-Americans support the Not-So-Great-Pumpkin, the reality is a far cry from what Ken would like it to be. Among the African-American community, his base hovers at around the 14% mark, which is about equal to the percentage of African-Americans who want to see a remake of “Shaft” starring yours truly.

Granted, those numbers come from my taking a spontaneous poll among my intimate circle of African-American friends, but I have the advantage of not having lied to them for the last four years, as Trump has done.

Speaking of lies and the liars who tell them, Ken as we’ve come to see, enjoys promoting the bigoted fallacy that when it comes to the problem of violent crime in this country, somehow African-Americans are more prone to commit acts of it then the White community, and if you haven’t surmised already, this is yet another brick in Ken’s racially-tinged wall of profound bigotry. And not too surprisingly, he even has a meme to back it up, which in this, the darkest of modern ages, serves as all the proof that the slack of both jaw and brain need to be convinced. Sigh… I used to have such Hope for Humanity, but now I find myself contemplating how awesome it would be if the mythical God of the hypocritical Evangelicals who support Trump would renege on that *rainbow promise thing he made ages ago.

Other than the fact it lists the source of this so-called information as coming from the “Crime Statistics Bureau- San Francisco”, an agency that does not, and has never existed, the numbers listed upon it, are as fake as the orgasm Trump bragged about giving Stormy Daniels. To note, not only are these numbers completely skewed beyond absurdity, they also paint the United Sates a place where Whites are hunted down in a manner most reminiscent of the short story, The Most Dangerous Game, written by Richard Connell. It took me a while to track down the accurate data to be sure, but it wasn’t that big a chore, even if you aren’t good at that sort of thing. To note, these numbers are from 2015, the same year this racist (and widely debunked) trope was disseminated, but even given current events, I have serious doubts the needle has moved that far South in regards to these stats.


AB: Try 7.6%. But to be fair, the cops are doing a better job of it than you guys, as of late. And to be fair, you people have been more preoccupied going after immigrants, so I can understand why you’re a tad bit behind your projected numbers these days


AB: The available data suggests that it’s closer to 9%, but African-Americans also face a fatality rate 2.8 times higher than Whites. Even more disturbing is the statistic that Black victims were more likely to be unarmed (14.8%) than Whites, (9.4%) which sort of bolsters the widely held public opinion that cops are more than happy to shoot first, and ask questions later, when it comes to their inter-racial encounters with the African-American citizenry of this country.


AB: Oh look- finally a category where Whites finally bring their “A” game, as the rate here is 14%. Way to go Caucasians! You’re making us all very proud. And doing the world a favor, by self-removing yourself from an increasingly stagnating gene pool.


AB: The average is 82.4%, actually. That seems pretty high for a bunch of people who supposedly set the standard for following Law & Order, mayonnaise-boy, but I digress. So sorry to see your narrative of Whites being slaughtered by Blacks going out the proverbial window, but that’s the way the racist vanilla wafer crumbles, I guess.


AB: It’s closer to 14.8 percent, but as we’ve seen, your bigotry impairs your ability to do the merest of research, so we’ll give you a pass. Kind of like how your kindergarten class did when you failed naptime, but on the upside, you did excel at eating paste.


AB: Sadly, it’s 90% to be honest. And while with this one Ken did get close, it’s still seven points off his claim, and only 7.6% higher than White on White rates, a fact I’m sure Ken will ignore in favor of his having a case of the vapors at the thought an African-American family might move in next door, and start doing White people stuff without his permission.

 What I do find interesting about this festering racial idiocy however, is Ken’s focusing it solely on African-Americans, which on one hand, is nice for the other races that need a break from these morons sadly slithering over this Earth, but why is that, exactly? He doesn’t seem to have any issue with Native Americans, Asians, Latinos, or Pacific Islanders, his contempt is seemingly just for African-Americans, and to a lesser extent, the White people who would dare ally themselves with their ongoing fight for true equality. The latter group strikes as particularly offensive to our bigoted bowl of Tapioca, and he’s not afraid to express it, no matter how stupid he sounds to the rest of society at large.

This time around, Ken’s taking a limp-wristed swipe at the valid concept of “White Privilege”, which is described as such: “Inherent advantages possessed by a white person on the basis of their race in a society characterized by racial inequality and injustice.”

Naturally Ken, a middle-aged White guy who lives in a small town in New Mexico, a state which has as many Black people in it as an Osmond cover band, would have the 411 on what African-Americans in this country experience accessing opportunities regarding public education, banking services, home ownership, job access and management potential, representation in the Media, and as we’ve all seen from Ken’s previous crime statistics posting comprised of bulls**t and pure prejudice, the lack of equality when it comes to criminal justice. And of course, since he can’t defend his point of view using actual facts, and is too much of a cuckolded Beta to “man up” and face his blatant bigotry, we’re just going to have to settle with yet another set of memes, whose only purpose seems to prove why his family tree is in such dire need of branches.


 AB: This absolutely f**ked up statement brought to you by a milk-blooded monocultural moron, essentially proves the concept that racism is so American, that when you protest it, people think you are protesting America. But we’re not. The America we protest, and the one Ken thinks should cater to his race alone, is the one that’s spelled “Amerikkka”, and he’s going to be roasting in Hell long before he ever gets to see his fever-dream pass into being. When any of the institutions I listed above deliberately tosses you out of their consideration based on your name alone Ken, then you can bitch. Till then, try not to breed. This planet is already overstocked on inane Wonder Bread analogs as is.

Ken: “Why is it okay for Every race to be proud of their heritage except for white people?”

AB: Nobody has ever said you couldn’t be “proud” of being White, Kimberly. It’s just that when most races celebrate their individuality, they’re not doing so predicated on paranoic nationalism and intolerance for all other races on earth. To be fair, you only seem to have a strong loathing for African-Americans and their allies, so kudos to your focus, but maybe you’d be regarded less as a bigot and more of a neighbor, if you’d use those tiki-torches to illuminate a friendly BBQ, versus lighting up somebody’s front lawn.


AB: As noted earlier, Ken only saves his bigotry for one group of people, that being African Americans alone, but I’m sure it truly has nothing to do with their skin color. Just because he consistently rants about BLM, black athletes, and bogus crime statistics regarding the African-American community, is no reason to infer he hates them. Maybe it’s as simple as his still being really hurt that his Black neighbors didn’t come to his Kwanzaa party last year, despite his celebration banquet game being full-on ballin’.

Ken: “99.9% of White people were born without the White Privilege Gene!”

AB: Considering what we’ve seen of Ken’s skillset in relation to researching statistics, we’ll just assume the actual ratio is lower than his IQ, and leave it at that. And I can assure you that when it comes to “missing” certain genes, Ken’s personal list is probably quite the extensive one. It’s almost as if when God was assembling him, he did it right before he had a hot date coming up, on a Friday at 4pm.


AB: As with most things cooked up in the cobwebbed attic that masquerades as Ken’s brain, no it’s not. No White person is protesting any other White person for “being White”- they never have, and they never will. What is being openly objected to however, is when privileged douches of the Vanilla vanguard (like Ken) who have as much experience being Black as they do dealing with the repercussions of being so, comes along and feels they alone get to not only dictate how and when Black people are allowed to react, but feel that they’re also the authority to set the terms for doing so as well. What is real though, is Ken’s quickly dawning terror at his fellow Caucasians not getting on board with his bigotry, his ignorance and his desire to openly subjugate an entire culture he thinks are inferior to him and his milquetoast genetic sequence.

I’ve said it before, and I’m sadly certain I will have to say it again, but why is it that the greatest “champions” of the White Race always turn out to be the absolutely worst examples of it? If Ken and his ilk are the best of the breeding stock, no wonder there’s so many humorous incidents involving these guys and Fleshlights.

But obsessing over how the African-American community comparts itself isn’t his only hobby, not by a long shot. Ken’s other favored target of faux outrage is coincidentally the very same online soapbox that  he uses to push his racist agenda to begin with, and despite the myriad of conservative social media platforms that cater to his braindead brood, such as Parler, (where Ken’s alleged to be a newer member) Codias, and the currently offline Gab, Ken still maintains a healthy presence on the ol’ Facebook nonetheless, despite his sad and faithful loyalty to a conspiracy theory that FB “censors” conservatives. Where this idiocy springs from, is the confusion centered around the arbitrary vagueness of FB’s community standards rules, which can result in content on your page being removed, your account seeing itself barred from posting, or even being put in the infamous “Facebook Jail”, a harsh penalty which can result in platform suspensions lasting hours, or even weeks.

And for the most egregious cases of violation, accounts can not only be removed, but the violators can find themselves placed on a banned-for-life from the platform list, much in the way that I am in regards to Twitter. Something BTW, I’m still exceedingly proud of, and that I’ve written about previously.

 Now, as someone who has been subject to some of these actions in the past, this paranoia from the Right-wing movement that they’re the only ones being held to account strikes me yet again, as no more than an unfounded and rationalized self-victimization ploy in order to garner sympathy for their ignorant personal biases. Interestingly, when the social media giant known as Twitter tried to crack down on neo-Nazi / White-supremacist content using an algorithmic approach, it was alleged by Vice’s tech-news agency Motherboard, that by doing so, it could possibly target and report the public accounts of Republican politicians. In response, Twitter issued a strong rebuttal to this possibly brand-damaging story, stating: “The information cited from the ‘sources’ in this story has absolutely no basis in fact. The characterization of the exchange at the meeting of March 22nd is also completely factually inaccurate. There are no simple algorithms that find all abusive content on the Internet and we certainly wouldn’t avoid turning them on for political reasons,”  

I can’t ascertain if this is true or not for myself, due to my exile from a Land where a pumpkin-tinted Twitler-in-Chief is allowed to let his thumbs run free with almost no consequences, but this fact alone in my opinion, sort of negates Ken’s snowflake paranoia regarding most of the social platforms in general, methinks. And if it doesn’t, why is he still using FB then? A question I’ll come back to in a moment, but first, let’s see what he has to say yet again about a topic that showcases his ignorant hypocrisy to the delight of all of us.  And per his usual tack, it starts with a laughable lie.

Ken: “Facebook said if you support the NRA you will get kicked off. Well let’s experiment. I support the NRA. How about you?”

AB: Wow. What a bunch of un-American, black-hearted, censoring bast… wait a second, if you’re not allowed to “support the NRA”, and it’s a given you will get kicked off the platform for doing so, then why does the NRA still have a currently active Facebook page, which was established in 2013, and how is it possible for 4,872,939 people who obviously support it to still be “following” it?  Not to mention, the scores of active FB pages that broadcast their backing of it daily? Oh Ken, did you post without doing the merest of research again, you abominably stupid little scamp? Of course, you did, because when it comes to spreading your particular variety of mental manure, you’re more reliable than an Ex-Lax milkshake. When one (in this case, me as usual) bothers to check the validity of this meme, the following *information turns up, which contradicts in full, this bogus claim and Ken’s belief in such. What a shock. I’m starting to surmise that given Ken’s penchant for always being wrong, he’s the only guy who could start building a boat in his garage, and wind up with the finished product and his house, resembling the Hindenburg. *[https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2020/09/16/fact-check-facebook-not-removing-nra-supporters/5551125002/]

Not only is the NRA not mentioned at all by FB as being in violation of any of the site’s own community standards, the only restrictions that Ken might even claim FB has in place, aren’t even remotely close to what actually exists. That centering on the prohibition of using the site for weapon purchase or exchange, as well as forbidding the posting of explicit directives on the manufacturing of weapons, if there’s evidence of a goal to seriously injure or kill people, and that’s it. And before Ken starts to  warm up any of his further Facebook conspiracies as a deflection, may I just point out that Hillary and Obama aren’t going to jail, vaccines don’t cause autism, the Muslims aren’t instilling Sharia law in our schools or communities, cash is still accepted at Walmart, the Lord’s Prayer isn’t banned either, and no matter how much you post about it, not only are those gun-control Liberals who mock you on FB are your social betters, and most likely, that’s hands down, without breaking a sweat.


 AB: Should I point out to our fearful buzzword quoting friend that other than the “free” part, he literally and perfectly described the very concept of American Private enterprise? To be fair though, Ken wouldn’t know what Socialism really is, even if it directly deposited his Mom’s Social Security check into her FDIC-insured bank account, so I guess I’ll have to put my POV in such a way that even Ken can wrap his closed-off mind around it:

America is the perfect example of Capitalism. You pay through the nose for everything but the quality of Life still sucks. You have no say in how it really works. The guy you toil for gets rich off your effort, and you get to let him. You have no your privacy since you willingly bought a cellphone, signed up for social media, and bought Alexa for your house. There’s competition, but it’s all relatively based around the tenets of sheer survival. And if you say anything about a living wage, women’s body autonomy, or healthcare for all, they’ll label you with words they don’t know the meaning of. But, if you consistently say things that are vulgar, racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, elitist, or display stunning incompetence in public, they’ll either give you a TV Show, or elect you President.

 And Ken, much like many Socialistic countries, which our fair America has more than a few things in common with, as the one example above shows, you can always as you Conservatives are overly fond of saying, “leave if you don’t like it”. There’s the door, Felecia, so don’t let it hit ya’ where the mythical Lord split ya’. And for once, I’m not referring to your psyche.


 B: Guy who posts fake facts constantly, is annoyed by being called out for posting them, which quite honestly, is funny as f**k. And while I say that Milla Jovovich should come over every weekend for whipped-cream wrestling and Jell-O body-shots, that still doesn’t mean it’s going to ever come true, sad to say. And don’t get me started on how painful that truth is either, as my therapist says we’ll be all be here for days, and trust me, you don’t want that. Just like how Ken doesn’t want facts, he wants validation, which due to the fact that I’m a people-person, I’ll be more than happy to give him: Ken, you are unarguably a valid example of what parents on this Earth refer to as a “bad example”, so at least you have that going for you which is nice.

And since the love-fest vibe is going so strong, I won’t even point out that according to the FBI, it’s actually the White Supremacy movement that’s the number-one concern regarding the ongoing and increasingly violent, domestic terrorism. Oh, let’s be honest, I’m totally going to point it out. From the link listed below, here is a nice big hole punched through the very fabric of Ken’s white-hooded hokum, and no, you don’t have to thank me, Ken. The fact of knowing I’ve gotten you to read something other than a meme for once, is all the acknowledgement I require:

 *“Violent extremists are increasingly using social media for the distribution of propaganda, recruitment, target selection, and incitement to violence. Through the Internet, violent extremists around the world have access to our local communities to target and recruit like-minded individuals and spread their messages of hate on a global scale.

The recent attack at the Chabad of Poway Synagogue in Poway, California, not only highlights the enduring threat of violence posed by domestic terrorists, but also demonstrates the danger presented by the propagation of these violent acts on the Internet.

The attacker in Poway referenced the recent mosque attacks in Christchurch, New Zealand, and we remain concerned that online sharing of livestreamed attack footage could amplify viewer reaction to attacks and provide ideological and tactical inspiration to other domestic terrorists in the homeland.”


 AB: *sigh* One day Ken will be right about something but when he is, it’ll be akin to a tree falling in the forest when nobody’s around to see or hear it. Sure, maybe it happened the way he’ll say it did, but how will he ever be able to prove it? For the record, FB is both a platform and while not the originator of the content published within it, still has the right to control what is posted and how it’s being disseminated, being a privately held business and all that. A quick refresher course for Ken and all of his First Amendment morons who have obviously never read the Constitution.

To note; “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

If it isn’t clear to you what the point is, it’s that the government isn’t allowed to stifle what you say, no matter how ignorant or asinine it is. Notice BTW, that nowhere in there, does it say anything about a private business not having the right to moderate its own metaphorical lands. And Ken? You willingly surrendered certain privileges when you signed up for a service you don’t financially support, so spare us your whining just because you didn’t read the rules and think that they shouldn’t apply to you.

Ken: “Facebook is spreading false information via their “fact checker” They’re calling true stories fake”

AB: OMFG, the irony is so thick here, I could use it for a security door, if need be. This trolling troglodyte wants you all to know that despite his track record of posting fraudulent factoids and non-occurring narratives, that it’s not he and others of his ilk who should be distrusted, no, the real culpability for the influx of imbecilic insidiousness plaguing our society should be squarely laid at the feet of  the ol’ Facebook, and not its abusers like Ken, who feel their disingenuousness should be ignored for the sake of their easily offended snowflake egos. And therein lies the hypocritical rub- there’s other social media platforms that directly cater to people who share Ken’s POV, but they also don’t have the same opportunity for their members to acquire the ego-strokes they need to feel relevant in the same way that FB does.

With no due respect, these pathetic candy-asses live lives of screeching desperation at best, and the only thing that fills their emotional void is the belief that they have a direct effect on others, past the point of serving as a valid warning as to why the reality of engaging in coitus with your siblings is such an unwise notion. But maybe I should play Devil’s Advocate here- after all, what harm could come from listening to a guy who posts racially-fraudulent statistics, paranoid delusions, and blows bigoted dog-whistles as if he were Stormy Daniels having a full day at work? I’m sure it would work out fine. Even if we did, it isn’t as if we’d go and elect a racist, vulgar misogynistic, cravenly, lying narcissistic, sexual predator into the highest office in the land, right? Oh, wait…

Speaking of elections, we do have one coming up relatively soon, and rest assured, Ken’s got some opinions regarding that too. And don’t worry, I’m almost certain that they’re going to be based on facts, and not the skin color of the VP pick, or on any credence he’s given to obsessive conspiracy theories. Because you know… my childlike optimism and all that jazz.

Ken: “Biden the Cancel Culture and the Party of Hate.”

AB: This statement brought to you by a seemingly obsessed bigot who’s political party members once “owned” Kellogg’s Cereal, by flushing already paid for products down their toilets, because Kellogg’s had pulled it’s advertising from Breitbart. In addition, these MENSA rejects also filmed themselves smashing their $150.00 Keurig coffee makers, due to the company pulling its marketing off of the hour that Sean Hannity uses to terrify old White people. after he defended then-Senate candidate and alleged pedophile, Roy Moore who was running for the Senate at the time. Take into consideration that Ken’s failure of a President is currently endorsed by both the Proud Boys and the KKK, and you’ll understand my need to digress, if only for the sake of laughing my ass off

Ken: “Wow! https://www.walmart.com/…/Hot-Cup-Of-Joe-A-Pipin…/314238205 (Marcus Rogers) This is a real book at Walmart. It’s on their website. Trying to market Joe Biden as a sex symbol to kids? Why a coloring book? https://www.walmart.com/…/Hot-Cup-Of-Joe-A-Pipin…/314238205”

AB: Ok, a few things to address here- first, this coloring book was only sold online, never having been placed in any stores, and was obviously targeted at voting-age adults, with a good sense of humor, a trait Ken clearly does not have. Its marketing was never aimed at children, but who cares about that, when you can pretend to get offended? Second, I don’t think it’s the overall content that Ken has an issue with, but the fact that if they ever made one featuring his gilded Golem, the only reason people would be interested in wanting to purchase it would be for its practical use as either a dartboard, or as kindling for a campfire.

Ken: “Biden removed “Under God” from The Pledge of Allegiance!”

AB: To quote Joe; “Will you shut up, man?” Because, JFC, you are a supreme f**king ignoramus of almost Biblical proportions, and I say this as someone who used to live in Phoenix, a town that once thought allowing guns into bars was a good idea. What Ken is lying about here is the debunked slur that the axiom “under God” which was officially inserted into the Pledge by an act of Congress on Flag Day in 1954, was omitted from two presentations of the Pledge of Allegiance during the 2020 DNC.

From Snopes.com: ”The DNC did not issue any guidelines forbidding the use of the phrase. On the national stage, the phrase “under God” was used during the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance at the start of each night of the 2020 DNC.”

Despite this latest bats**t crazy untruth emanating from the very same guy who fibbed about the opening night numbers of the RNC, this shouldn’t really be taken as a purposeful lie in any way, shape, or form, though. After all, your typical Conservative Christian doesn’t even practice the teachings of Christ to begin with, so how can you realistically expect them to recognize his name when it’s mentioned?

As you’ve come to expect, I’ve saved the so-called best for last. While I’m confident I could write about Ken for the next six months, given the trove of information I’ve amassed regarding his non-stop hate-meme machine, I’ll hopefully close off our interaction with this final gasp of inanity where he confirms one last time (for this story-arc anyway) that his knowledge of how the Constitution works is as solid as his grasp regarding the concept that if he lives long enough to see himself become a member of the minority race in America, he’d better hope the ones in the majority still want equality, and not revenge.


Ken: “Of Jamaican and Indian descent, suddenly Kamala Harris is “Black”. Amazing.”

AB: Ok… I’m not sure if Ken is offended by Kamala not using a hyphenated descriptor to assist in his genuine desire to racially slur her correctly in his eyes, but I’m pretty sure that he could still use one of the anti-Black variants and still be allowed to attend the flaming BBQ’s, regardless. So, what moniker would work best for your pathetically sad needs, Ken? Maybe, we should give you some direction by suggesting she’s a “Jamindian”, an “Indijama”, or perhaps even the rare and exotic “Jamindaican”? Feel free to use whichever one rolls the easiest off your pasty White lips and that Kool-Ade-coated-worm you call a tongue. Consider it as a last parting gift from me to you.

And just ignore the data that the vast majority of Jamaicans are of African descent, and are the end result of widespread mixed ancestry, based on the interrelation of numerous subgroups of Europeans, East Indians, the Chinese, and Middle Easterners that have been amalgamated together. But there is an upside to knowing this factoid. Just think how many new and offensive epithets you’ll be able to whip up in-between those moments when you’re embarrassing yourself on social media!

Ken: “Kamala Harris was born October 20, 1964, in Oakland, California. Her mother was a Tamil Indian, her father a Jamaican. Both were immigrants who had not naturalized, thus were not citizens, when Kamala was born. As the definition of “natural born citizen” states, the person must be born to parents who are citizens. So she can’t be president or VP!”

AB: Somewhere in Florida right now, there’s a happily retired High School civics teacher, sitting on their patio, sipping a tall glass of Long Island Iced Tea, and feeling a disturbance in the Force, as if the Founding Fathers were rolling over in their graves, and crying out; “Can somebody please hit Mr. S**t-for-brains upside his head with a truck?” For not only is Ken wrong as usual, he’s wretchedly so. The clause he’s incorrectly referencing is as such: “No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty-five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.”

If you’re paying attention, nowhere in there does it say anything about the parents having to be United States citizens, and due to the virtue of her birth in California, Harris is a natural-born U.S. citizen. Parental citizenship is relevant to an individual’s citizenship status ONLY if the individual is born outside of the United States. And according to the big brains working overtime at the Cornell Legal Information Institute; “Anyone born on U.S. soil and subject to its jurisdiction is a natural born citizen, regardless of parental citizenship,” So feel free to go and perform an act of fellatio on a flaming cross, Ken.

Let us also not forget that Ken introduces a subtle hint of conspiracy, by implying that the Democrats would knowingly and openly, run an illegal candidate for one of the highest offices in the land, and what… pray that nobody would notice? Unlike Ken’s team, we currently don’t have any illegally appointed people sitting in offices with authority they didn’t earn, but better luck with your other theories that most likely involve lizard-people-hybrids maintaining Ronald Reagan’s frozen corpse for an as yet unnamed future use.

 You don’t like African-Americans, Ken. We get it. You can’t be bothered to do even the most rudimentary of research. We get it. You’re a hypocrite when comparing Trump’s foibles against those of others. We get it. You distrust all Media outlets, except the ones that agree with your bigoted POV. We get it. Cops being held accountable for their actions makes you really mad. We get it. Being fact-checked and being repeatedly proven wrong, causes you to become furious. We get it. Your incompetently dangerous President being openly mocked and despised, makes you feel like you’re being personally attacked. We get it. None of your outfits look good with that stupid red hat Trump demands you wear to his ego rallies. We get it. Women would rather ride a bull’s sandpaper-wrapped horns, than admit to getting it on with you. We get it. You say “All Lives Matter”, as long as the White ones come first. We get it. You think the White race is being marginalized- that is, except when it’s under consistent attack from a culture whose members you probably tell friends, swing from trees. We get it. Black people demanding equal rights makes your testicles retract. We get it, but honestly…

You should probably go see a doctor about that, and definitely sooner than later. Check yourself, before you wreck yourself, and all that.

 But let me tell you what I don’t get about you, Ken. You grew up in a place where African-Americans are as rare as faithful Christian husbands at a GOP political fundraiser, and yet, you still managed to develop an obsessive tard-on for Black people that makes no bloody sense. Living here, I can understand if you’ve developed an aversion to cinnamon and vanilla, but chocolate? Not so much. The chances of seeing someone Black in the small town I now live in, is akin to a pack of Debbie Harry clones sitting radiantly atop a herd of Unicorns that are thundering, through my living room. Am I optimistic that it could happen? Yes, but not so much that I’d place any money on the possibility anytime soon.

So, I just have to ask this question, if only to satisfy my intellectual curiosity- how does someone who looks normal on the outside, transmute into such a hateful sack of bigoted babbling protoplasm? Did Idris Elba happen to steal one of your grade-school girlfriends? Were you raised by a pack of overly protective white supremacist werewolves? Did a number of those ACME anvils from the old Bugs Bunny cartoons fall out of the sky, and land on your head?

I once said (and wrote) that visiting Utah was like being trapped inside a Bayer Aspirin bottle floating on a sea of milk, but I may have to rethink that, after moving to the high desert of New Mexico, and discovering that some of the truly whitest people alive live here, and a far-too-great number of them still haven’t accepted the fact that the 15th Amendment was ratified.

Fortunately, I get to say with an amount of greater relief, that despite this demographic which needs to spend more of their free time with a book, rather than just their cattle and a TV forever tuned to FOX, there’s far less people like Ken, then there are the ones who proudly carry the flags of the causes he hates so much- you know, the ones where everyone gets treated like a person, rather than as a meme or statistical talking point? And the truly wonderful takeaway from all of this? Ken knows it. He knows down deep that he’s going to live long enough to see another United States President of color. He knows he’ll live long enough to see his kind die on the vine, and out in the open, under the blazing light of progressive equality. And he knows that he’ll live long enough to see his rhetoric fail and fall by the wayside, as the tenets of racism, much like the movement he currently worships more than his mythical God, gets relegated to the dustbin of History, where it belongs.

 A place that I’m sure Ken will visit multiple times as he gets older, if only for the nostalgia.

 To quote the late and great Kurt Vonnegut; “So it goes”. And go it does, as do I. But when I come back… oh, who in the hell knows? I’m just winging it as I go along, but here’s some guesses: I talk about the art of growing a true plague beard, I rave about “The Orville, one of the best sci-fi shows on the air, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll introduce you to yet another person so-called, who shows exactly why McDonalds should have removed those lead-tainted promotional cups out of their stores long before July of 1977.

 “Prejudice wears a variety of hats, none of them becoming.”- Kevin Ansbro