Wayne Michael Reich

Writing ∙ Photography ∙ Art

Optimism Primed. (Red-slime Stories)

“Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.” – Voltaire

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

How are you currently doing in this, the dawning new year of 2023? Are you happy? Are you excited about the year ahead? Or just like me, are you secretly hoping that it doesn’t look at 2022 with an air of condescending smugness, because it knows it could do far better at being far worse, if only given the unfettered opportunity to do so?

I thought so. Nevertheless, I’m trying my best to start off ol’ 23 here with a positive outlook, no matter what reality and the circumstances attached to it, demand to dictate.

Therefore, the end goal of this, my newest screed, will be to craft a work of non-fiction regarding a work of pure fiction that’s so damn informative, that even total strangers will feel the need to stop me on the street. Even if the reason that they’re doing so, is only to ask and that, rather concernedly, if I’m either psychic, or worse, the closest thing that this generation will ever see to a sentient set of the Encyclopedia Britannica.  

If you’re under 40, and don’t understand that last joke, ask a Gen Xer- they’ll set you straight.

And just in case you’re curious as well, the answers to those two queries would be; no more than any of you, and yes. I may just possibly be. I won’t call it for any of you, of course, but I think that as a concerned collective, we can all agree without any additional debate or serious questioning, that 2022 sucked harder than Melania Trump auditioning for a future non-incarcerated husband.

And this assessment, epic in its inherent acidity, applies evenly across the board, irrespective of the topic to be discussed, as the art of civil debate within this once semi-respected republic, has not only been tossed out the allegorical window, it’s been done so from the very top floor.

By way of example, I will offer the following example, that being one of my last politically-based-exchanges for 2022, with a person who’s traveled so far down the rabbit-hole of established Reality, that he’s entirely bypassed Wonderland, and found himself instead, single-handedly fighting the denizens of Gehenna. Or so he thinks.

Some necessary background context, if may. If there is one thing that’s become apparent over the course of the last few years, it’s that no amount of love, understanding, logic, or undeniable evidence shown to any random member of the personality cult that compromises Trumpism, will ever shake their faith in slavishly worshiping a dime-store-bronzer-dipped demagogue, regardless of whatever contemptible actions he openly engages in.

Whether it’s his proven and numerous acts of adultery, confessed sexual assault, grafting, money-laundering, incompetence, ignorance, racism, bigotry, misogyny, pathological lying, fomenting an attempted insurrection, and self-confessed treason, it’s generally accepted by his adherents, that up is down, and “Black” is never to be allowed to enjoy or even possess, the merest of privileges so amenably afforded to “White”.

For as the Greek philosopher and polymath Aristotle once observed; “Educating the mind without educating the heart, is no education at all,”, and within the abominable creed that underpins the very core of Trumpist ideology, the mind and heart are so disconnected from Reality, that all one needs do as an advocate for the World’s Angrist Creamsicle, is claim that he is in fact, not the villain of whatever false story that our lying eyes and ears have so cruelly concocted, but is instead, the unsung hero of a tale so epic, that no one less than the great poet Homer himself, could have composed it

Now, depending on the source and the level to which they’ve willingly succumbed to what can only be described as the unchecked advancement of severe mental illness, Donald J. Trump, the twice-impeached, adulterous, sexually-predating, treasonous liar, who just also happens to be the former 45th President of the United States, is not at all what he seems. Not by a long shot.

Because in an unexpected plot twist that George RR Martin would happily kill M. Night Shvamalan with a dragon to think of for himself, it turns out that DJT is not only the Greatest [self-declared] President of All-Time, he’s also the Greatest Champion for Sex Trafficking ever, as well.

Oops… I meant to say “Greatest Champion against Sex Trafficking ever”, but when you remember that he at one time, had business and/or personal ties to five well-known pedophiles, was caught on a “hot mic” bragging about sexually assaulting women, and has compiled quite the distasteful list of highly inappropriate commentary regarding women, as well as his own daughter Ivanka, you can easily see why I made such an honest mistake.

See? I didn’t even have to mention that time when he paid a porn-star 130K for sex while his 3rd wife (and 2’nd ex-mistress) was at home, recovering from the birth of their newborn son, nor did I have to raise the somewhat embarrassing fact that the Trump administration had one of the LOWEST rates of sexual trafficking convictions in modern presidential history, ether.

Along those lines, I’m sure that Donny would also appreciate your being kind enough to forget that moment where he wished Ghislaine Maxwell, the child-victim procuring girlfriend of notorious pedophile Jeffery Epstein “well” before her trial. Not once, but TWICE.

And even though she was convicted of conspiracy to entice minors to travel to engage in illegal sex acts, conspiracy to transport minors to participate in illegal sex acts, transporting a minor to participate in illegal sex acts, sex trafficking conspiracy, and sex trafficking of a minor, that’s still no reason to cast doubt upon Trumps dubious prestige as QAnon’s allegorical Savior of the unconscionably victimized.

You know… the children that for some strange reason, he failed to recognize while he was casting open thoughts of goodwill towards their definitive abuser? Try to keep all this in mind, as I introduce you to a fine duo of persons who not only deliberately overlook these massive flaws of both character and basic humanity, they do it ever so willingly, to boot.

The conversation about to be presented, kicked off with my being made aware this simply charming meme, depicting Lady Liberty, who’s been presumably victimized by the politically Left, being assured by a condescendingly misogynistic Uncle Sam, that she’s not to worry, for “We’re Coming”. Although what this means, given its vagueness about whom is coming and why, remains known only to Mike Mooradian, the poster of this slice of paranoid propaganda:

Fortuitously, Mooradian was nice enough to clarify the idiocy festering within the cesspit of his obviously intellectually-bereft mind, by not only giving us his take of “This hit me hard this morning. A shit storm is coming and you patriots better be ready.” as a punctuation-free lead-in, but in addition, also opened up the debate floor to his equally obsessed oracles of obliqueness, as well:

Maybe it’s just me, but has anyone else noticed that despite possessing an ability to unravel the evil tapestry of what is clearly a worldwide cabal using nothing save the ever-shrieking voces in their heads, that the architects of such puritanical patriotism, openly display the spelling and grammatical skillset of those particular call-center operatives who notify you at all hours of the day, about your need to renew your car’s extended warranty?

Far funnier though, is their collective delusion regarding that not only was the attempted insurrection of January 6th 2020 a predetermined “set-up”, designed to besmirch the impeccable reputation of the aforementioned and eternally-disgraced mango-tinted man-child who fomented it, but that such was put into motion by the same malevolent machinate responsible for the crafting of the “satanic” Georgia Guidestones monument, as well. 

And while I know what you’re thinking, let me assure you all, that the “Georgia Guidestones” are not, and I repeat, are NOT; a tribute band that merges the lyrical witticisms of the defunct rock band the Georgia Satellites, with the blues-based iconicity of the Rolling Stones. Sure, it was a good guess on your part, and an even better concept for a musical act, but that would still be a solid “no”, all the way around.

For the uninitiated, the Georgia Guidestones was a monument erected in1980, and was composed of six separate slabs of granite, topping off at a height of 19 feet 3 inches, with a combined weight of 237,746 pounds. Located in Georgia, the state that by the thinnest of margins, decided that perhaps well-known hypocrite and deadbeat dad Herschel (”I wanna be a Werewolf now”) Walker, was maybe not the sanest choice to represent them in Congress, the GG’s were the subject of as equally unintelligent controversy, from the first day of their allegorical birth.

Nicknamed the “American Stonehenge” by some, it was created out of the shared concern firmly held by its originators, that there was going to be an upcoming social, nuclear, or pecuniary catastrophe that would end modern-day society as we know it, and therefore, the design element of said monument, was to serve as a guide for whatever form of humanity would arise from our metaphorical ashes, as it were. Like a deceased Jedi Masters’ Force ghost, but far more weather-resistant, if not twice as cryptic.

Sandblasted into the monuments four primary supporting granite slabs, in eight different languages, those being: Arabic, Russian, Chinese, English, Hindi, Spanish, Hebrew, and Swahili, were ten “guides for mankind”- inscriptions that sought to give sage advice to the replacement generation. And just what exactly, did the advisements suggest that caused delusional morons like Baeza Jr to label them as “Satanic”?

Well, get ready to clutch your allegorical pearls, because here they are: [1] Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature. [2] Guide reproduction wisely- improving fitness and diversity.. [3] Unite humanity with a living new language. [4] Rule passion- faith- tradition- and all things with tempered reason. [5] Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts. [6] Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court. [7] Avoid petty laws and useless officials. [8] Balance personal rights with social duties. [9] Prize truth- beauty- love- seeking harmony with the infinite. [10] Be not a cancer on the Earth- leave room for nature.

Dear. Mythical. God. Have you ever read a testament to the future that was ever this blatantly, if not cold-bloodedly, evil? I mean… maintaining a balance and living with Nature? Uniting Humanity? The use of Reason to guide society? Applying the application of the Law equally and justly? And in an unhinged proposal that should strike terror into the hearts of even the steeliest among us, we should “prize” Truth and Love?

Clearly, whomever created this monolith of malevolent intent, never consulted a Conservative Christian in regards to just how ridiculous this would all sound, when taken at face value.

If this architectural Antichrist had been allowed to stand unmolested, I can almost guarantee that we’d be currently overrun by random people just walking around, saying inane stuff like; “Love thy neighbor”, or even worse, finding themselves inspired to build houses of worship, wherein they might even preach the message that we collectively should; “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, and other unhinged nonsensicalities such as that.

Can you just imagine the ramifications of that occurring?

The next thing you know, these zealots would be all over TV complaining about strangers whose lifestyles they find objectionable, insisting that their unaccredited doctrine be forced upon and into, our schools, government, and personal healthcare decisions, and to top it all off, you just know we’d never hear the end of their libelous litany claiming “persecution”, if they didn’t get their way 100% of the time.

Foreseeing all that, it’s probably a good thing that in July of 2022, the GG’s were blown sky-high in an act of-politically-inspired-domestic-terrorism, which most certainly, was influenced by decades of Right-Wing conspiracy theories formed by lunacy, fueled by fearful ignorance, and eventually realized, utilizing the crudity of what has been assumed to be a homemade bomb.

As it was in the past, when Black Churches were the figureheads of the civil rights movement, the answer as always for Conservatives to excising something out of their pathetically wretched lives that they don’t like, appreciate or can even be bothered to try and f**king understand, even though it doesn’t personally affect them at all, is to try and destroy it.

Hell, if the Alt-Wrong managed to do it to civil discourse if not comin sense in this country, using only their neurotic nitroglycerin, what chance in allegorical Hell would a few rock pillars have against their actually applied dynamite?

None whatsoever. America. F**k yeah.

Naturally, as I tend to be somewhat reactionary to the cerebral obsequiousness of conspiracy theory, in what are supposed to be otherwise mentally functional adults, I of course, just had to toss in my own two cents, and as I can’t just go around throwing my loose change at obliviousness lunatics, I made my response a two-for-the-price-of-one special:

Now, in case you aren’t aware, the modern-day male member of the personality cut that fails to masquerade itself as the Conservative movement in this country, truly loathes Liberals with a hatred so intense, that if it were applied equally to actually learning something useful and beneficial to the society at large, we’d all have jet packs, flying cars, and a flawlessly perfect sequel to “Highlander” by now.

And when college-educated, reality-based, fact-spouting progressives (such as myself) openly dare to mock their self-declared Alpha status? Well then just sit back, and watch all heck break loose.

Interestingly, you can label them as stupid, refer to them as them as submissively pathetic cultists, or even slur them collectively as nothing less than deplorable supporters of Treason, and do so, without causing so much as a ripple in their shallow end of the gene pool, but if you infer that they’re a Beta…just be prepared to accept that at best, you’re going to see the best representation of what happens when a can of AXE body-spray achieves middling sentience:

My own personal misspelling of “sure’ and lack of a comma after “God”, aside, I think it’s safe to say that witty comebacks are not the forte of the two toxically conservative Cucks. Wisely, Mooradian ducked out of further engagement on this particular Facebook thread, leaving the supremely amusing task of one embarrassing themselves online to his 2’nd lieutenant Danny Baeza Jr, who came up with witticisms such as this:

As a person who engages regularly with persons devoid of significantly functioning critical-thinking abilities, I’ve often wondered why the two most common so-called debate tactics that the Alt-Wrong relies on, is stating that either someone is a NAZI, or the equally ridiculous option that they’re a Satanist, just because said person stands in direct opposition to their transparently obvious lack of intelligence.

Don’t misunderstand me- I do in fact know and more importantly believe, that both of those two things still do exist in the modern age, but the odds that the person being conservatively slandered while they’re advocating for the application of Logic and a concern for the well-being of others, is actually covered by either one of these definitions, are fairly slim.

But as it often is with the Disciples of Dipshittery that form the political bowel movement that is Trumpism, once they get a hold of an alleged “burn”, they can’t let go, and sometimes even add a soundtrack to it:

Damn… that is a dick move, Danny. Employing the work of American musical icon Johnny Cash, to push a vile misrepresentation of the Word? Man, you are ever do lucky that he’s dead, because if he had heard you say this crap out loud, the Man in Black himself would have hit you over the head with his guitar. You’ve heard his song, “A Boy named Sue”? You would have been the subject of its equally amusing follow-up, “A Man-boy made Goo”.

Fret not however, for as the old adage goes, “two can play that game”, and my side has got some serious musical militiamen of its own, aided by my (as always) ever so sensitive observations:

For those of you unfamiliar with the song that I posted as a retort, all that I can say regarding it, is that if you’re the type who believes in the concept of a celestial Skydaddy that is both mythical and sociopathic, then you’re probably not going to be in any kind of rush to add this particular work by Frank Turner to your chosen Spotify listing.

A selected example from the song’s possibly provocative lyrics: “Brothers and sisters, have you heard the news? The storm has lifted and there’s nothing to lose, So swap your confirmation for your dancing shoes, Because there never was no God.” “Step out of the darkness and onto the streets, Forget about the fast, let’s have a carnival feast, Raise up your lowered head and hear the liberation beat, Because there never was no God.”

Sadly, despite the sheer catchiness of said song, Baez Jr still felt compelled to double down on his conspiracy theory cocktail, chased with whatever the hell it is that the voices in his head manufacture, and then falsely present to him, as nothing less than incontestable fact:
As long as I live, I will never understand where critics of the modern-day Conservative movement and the MAGAts that currently compromise its core membership, have gotten the idea that same said individuals are wholly insane loons, incapable of rational thought or action, when such intellectually-gifted individuals such as Danny Baeza Jr here, are carrying its allegorical banner to the heights of truly civil, if not well-measured, political discourse. 

s commentary is deeply disturbing for its dedication to an inarguably insane and easily debunked theorem, it’s far more alarming that a person this mentally unwell, walks among us unfettered, if not unmedicated. Given the earlier proof offered concerning Trump’s lack of character in concern to sexual ethics, I’d opine that perhaps Baeza’s faith in him as a chosen agent of God, may be a tad bit misdirected.  

As is the trust that Mike Mooradian (our original FB thread originator) has ostensibly placed in whatever quality test that he’s applied to his personal association with Baeza Jr. It has often been said, that one is judged by the company one keeps, and if Baeza Jr here, serves as the standard-bearer for Mooradian’s litmus test, I’d strongly recommend that future customers of his business, Mooradian Investing LLC, located in Longmont, Colorado, take their money elsewhere, ASAP.

This is not due to any feeling or belief that Mooradian is unethical or crooked, but that if I were to invest in any form of such commerce, I sure as hell wouldn’t entrust my hard-earned greenbacks to an allegedly delusional person who seemingly advocates overthrowing the current standing government, based on the lies of the Count of Mostly Crisco.

Unless of course, Mooradian is investing in the corporate prisons that will be built to incarcerate not only Trump and his inner circle of fellow coup planners, but the numerous Trump allies, associates, simple-minded insurrectionists, and media propagandists who haven’t been savvy enough to cut deals with the DOJ just yet, as well.

In which case, I’d advise that you go all in with everything that you can throw in, because the long-term dividends are going to be huge. This fiscal advice aside, there’s still the unresolved issue of my zany zealot Danny Baeza Jr, to wrap up.

Preferably in a straitjacket, but I’m fairly certain, given my opinion that his family tree most likely resembles a replacement lead for a mechanical pencil, a deal for this fervent hope of mine to be borne into reality, was already in the works as I wrote these final words, after he had asked me one thankfully last time, whether or not I worshiped Satan, and I assured him (yet again) that I did not, as he’s a myth to begin with:

A word of advice for the unknowledgeable out there regrading those such as myself, who openly identify as being an Atheist? As I noted previously, if I don’t believe in your sociopathic Skydaddy, then it’s a sure bet that I in tandem, don’t place much stock in the dysfunctional relationship that he so puzzlingly maintains with his highly disgruntled ex-employee, either.

I’d also like to note that at no point, then or now, did Mooradian bother to attempt any form of direct intervention regarding Baeza Jr’s salacious and erroneous claims, which in essence, only goes to prove the validity of the long-held maxim that “Silence = Complicity”, an assessment that only solidified itself for me, after this exchange on an earlier posting of his:

Yes… “No one looks for a Liberal” when “shit hits the fan”, Mike. Not a single soul. For as we all know, there are no Liberal policemen, no Liberal doctors, no Liberal care workers, no Liberal firemen, and most certainly, no Liberal soldiers to be found within a mile of any emergency requiring the intervention of the concerned.

Newsflash, genius- when a tragedy has occurred, political party lines should be essentially erased, necessary alliances need to be forged, nobody with a working soul and brain, is “looking”: for anything, save for decent humans who can assist them in their time of need, and your party is so not stocked-up with any of those.

Because if there’s one thing that is as certain as the act of a Conservative deflecting or projecting, it’s that the political party who consistently votes against aiding storm-wracked states and American territories, who denies veterans their due benefits, all while giving them faux lip service, and engages in human trafficking by putting the undocumented on a plane paid for by American taxpayers, to another state for a cheap political PR stunt, are truly the best of us all, right?

After all, let’s not overlook the time when the mango man-child Mooradian adores, claimed that on the darkest day that was 9-11, that he; “went down to Ground Zero with men who worked for me to try to help in any little way that we could. We were not alone. So many others were scattered around trying to do the same. They were all trying to help.”

Unfortunately for our former Commander-in-Cheat, there is ZERO evidence that any workers hired by, or working in conjunction with Trump, ever helped with the cleanup efforts. Nor are there any valid eyewitness accounts, photos, or any news footage, showing him actively engaging in coordinating such activity, either.

But all is not lost regarding the message of Mooradian’s meme, for on the very same day of the synchronized terrorist attack, Trump, the self-declared provider of imaginary workmen, called WWOR TV to ostensibly discuss the tragedy, as all community-orientated real-estate developers like to do.

However, Trump for whatever reason, felt that the tragedy of the day required a perspective of sorts that concerned him alone, and in doing so, uttered a comment so vile in its cluelessness, that it still stands as monstrous not just for its insensitivity, but also for the braggadocio that underpins it: “I mean, 40 Wall Street actually was the second-tallest building in downtown Manhattan. And it was actually- before the World Trade Center- was the tallest. And then when they built the World Trade Center, it became known as the second-tallest, and now it’s the tallest.

At the time when this repulsive commentary was uttered, both towers of the World Trade Center had already collapsed, the Pentagon had suffered severe damage and multiple casualties, a hijacked plane intended for god-knows-what-target had been forced into a crash by the actions of its self-sacrificing passengers, and nearly 3,000 people had been murdered in the process, but hey…

…Donny’s got the best view in NYC now, so let’s all focus on that, instead. And as we do, we’ll just ignore the fact that it was, like most of his exclamations, a bald-faced lie, as in the 1970’s, 40 Wall Street was not the tallest building in lower Manhattan before the period in which the Twin Towers were erected, nor was it even the tallest after the events of 9-11, as well.

Nevertheless, when I pointed out the erroneous nature of Mooradian’s claim, albeit with a ton of misspellings, die to my nerve-damaged hands utilizing the smallest keypad I’ve ever used in my life, he reacted in the only way that a Conservative knows how- to double down on his inane assertions of that which is not, and never has been, based in actual reality:  

I love how when he’s confronted, this paragon of alleged masculinity responds with the classic “I know you are, but what am I” defense gambit that’s been the hallmark of every chastised 4th grader since the early 70’s, and the go-to lame retort for every Conservative failing at winning a debate, since Trump turned the GOP into the GQP.  

But a question was inferred, and therefore I will answer it- you’re a f**king moron Mike, but as you already knew that, repeating that which is obvious, seems kind of redundant. But jackasses are gonna jackass, regardless of the fact that you just warned them of what tools were at your disposal in order to prove them not just wrong, but hilariously so.

At the time, I honestly did think that I was pretty clear in declaring what I could use as such, but apparently in his zeal to openly display his ignorance, Mooradian somehow skipped over that part, and instead introduced a series of false (and long-debunked) claims to muddy the waters, all of which, I was more than happy to clear up for him, if he desired me to do so:

At the time, I honestly did think that I was fairly open in declaring what I could use as such, but apparently in his zeal to openly display his ignorance, Mooradian somehow skipped over that part, and instead, chose to introduce a series of false (and long-debunked) claims to muddy the waters that he clearly couldn’t defend by using credibly verified evidence.

So. as I tend to be a rather charitable person when I find myself going toe to toe with a mentally-bereft and politically-submissive sycophant, I (once again) reminded him of a reality that he quite evidently, hadn’t ever taken into consideration, that being the fact that political documentation exists, and none of it backs up his puerile partisanship whatsoever.

Given Mooradian’s inference that Liberals aren’t masculine, you might assume that he’d interpret my offer to debate the reality of my commentary using actual facts, as nothing less than a metaphorical gauntlet being shaved in his face, and accept the challenge, but in doing so, you’d find yourself being proven dead wrong,

For as often sems to be the case when Conservatives find themselves cornered by the indisputable, Mooradian reacted like the cravenly bitch I already knew him to be, and “blocked” me, rather than face the theoretical possibility that I was about to happily serve him his own empty head on a silver platter, replete with a side dish of whoop-ass, just to balance it out.

This particular act of intellectual and ideological cowardice aside, running away from established Truth is seemingly nothing new for Mooradian, and despite all evidence to the contrary, he revels in his belief of an improbable conspiracy machinated by an insidious cabal, much in the same way that I maintain my faith in the theorem that Nickelback being allowed to release ten chart-topping albums, is a surefire sign that there is quite obviously, no God.

However, so far as Mooradian is concerned, the validity of God’s existence is the least of his imaginary worries, because as he sees it, his own government was caught red-handed, plotting an insurrection against itself, in order to … um… well, the true details are a bit fuzzy at this stage, but rest assured, not-so-magic Mile here, knows what’s really going on:

I won’t speak for you of course, but I do think that it’s a wonderful sign of our country’s aptitude for tolerance, that we openly allow the ostensibly mentally-ill, to have unimpeded access to the largest information dissemination source on the planet, regardless of the outcome of the intentional damage that they do to established facts, social civility, and/or political progressiveness.

Nevertheless, if I were to speak on behalf of my asinine faux insurrectionist, may I note that it’s actually spelled “Capitol”, attacking it is still a federal and prosecutable crime, and after the repulsive events of J6, I’m fairly certain that the Capitol Police would be more than up to engage in a blood-feud rematch with Mooradian’s fellow brain-dead cultists.

And without any sarcasm involved Mikey, J6 was a “patriot event” as your ideology’s form of modern-day nationalistic pride has as much in common with actual patriotism, as Donald J. Trump does with marital fidelity.

By the way, does anybody else remember when Mooradian had a mini-meltdown, saying that it was, and I quote: “Typical of the liberal Democrat communist to post some bullshit and not have any proof”, and then, when actually presented with the offer of some, he immediately tucked his tail between his legs, and fled like the mango-tinted coward whom he admires so much?  

Well, just keep that in mind, because our resident Hercule Poirot wannabe here, is about to present his well-researched treasure trove of irrefutable evidence, and even when viewed with the most cynical of eyes, it’s still stunningly persuasive:

o accurately recap, a bumper-sticker quoting demagogue, who lauds the overthrow of our democracy by faux patriots based on the insane lies and whims of a sanctimonious sack of gilded lunchmeat, heard from an unnamed “source” within the FBI, that several agents have been tried for their alleged collusion in fomenting the events of that day, without the Alt-Wrong press, Trump’s lawyers, or other cabinet officials, somehow catching wind of it, mind you,
Strangely, despite the evidently sold proof that Mooradian didn’t provide one way or the other, I still felt compelled to see with my own eyes just where this devastatingly relevant information was coming from, and to my surprise, I found that it wasn’t actually coming from anywhere, save for the critically devoid of intellect voices imprisoned within the confines of the spoiled cabbage that Mooradian wittily calls his brain:

Well, this is peculiar, because regardless of whatever search terms I typed in regarding any FBI agent/s being prosecuted for collusion leading to the outcome of J6, I got zilch. Zero. Diddly-squat. Goose-eggs. NADA.

Now as I, along with the rest of you, all live in a democratic republic, and not one based on the rule of bananas, I find Mooradian’s assertion of “secret trials” not only absurd, but somewhat pathetic, to boot. If there was indeed such evidence to be found, given the reality of modern-day mass media and the hackerdom that monitors it, this fever-dream would be quite literally, the biggest story on Earth, and I can assure you that it would be milked harder than a VIP guest hanging out at the Grotto located at the Playboy Mansion.

And while i don’t wish to sound somewhat condescendingly smug, I hardly think that the self-declared CEO of an investment firm that clears less than *100K annually and which was founded in 2019, would have been gifted the inside track on anything allegedly Deep State related, unless it refers to either getting a really sweet deal on promotional items, or knowing the cheapest place in Longmont to entertain a potential client.
*[Details listed at: https://www.buzzfile.com/business/Mooradian-Investing-303-908-9842]

But if one unfounded conspiracy involving an imaginary cover-up is fun to ruminate over, then certainly tossing in additional one that’s based on paranoic lunacy, and just as easily debunked, as Mooradian’s fantastical tale regarding the FBI, should be twice as fun to discuss, am I right?

Of course, I am. After all, isn’t it my responsibility to take you through this metaphorical minefield of madness safely, if not disquietly?

I will give a clue as to its content however, before I introduce yet additional of Mooradian’s groundless fever-dreams, and it is this: I love how the MAGAt ilk being purposefully unaware of the reality that exists around them, somehow directly translates such, into a Machiavellian scheme designed to control the populace at large, using the most deceptive of insidious measures:   

A simple Google search will reveal mass confusion regarding this particular news story, but the overall consensus is that it never actually happened, and is more of an urban myth, rather than an actual occurrence. So far as my deep-dive research has shown, the story may originate from a news-service banner crawl that was allegedly broadcast on both CBS and CNN, claiming that explosives had been found under the GW Bridge in NYC on 9-11, 2001:

The one consistent thing I did find however, were improbable theories, spurious speculations, and surprisingly, a smattery of antisemitism, circulating through the entrenched roots of this fable made ethereal flesh.

If I were to poke a few holes within the floorboards of this duplicitous dinghy of a story, I’d note that from the moment the duo of planes hit the Twin Towers until their tragic and eventual collapse a short time later, NYC was in a state of total chaos, and remained in such, for days afterward.

And while NYC’s most prominent landmarks were checked for hidden dangers over the next few weeks and it’s on-ground security forces were subsequently on high alert for months as well, there was simply not enough unencumbered civil resources. or the application of command to undertake any such form of deliberately close inspection on that particularly dark day, no matter how much Mooradian would like to suggest that there was.

But as the saying that I just, made up goes, “Dumbf**ks are gonna dumbf**k, no matter what”, and when it comes to the proof of that maxim, Mooradian finds himself allied with a wide slew of as equally uniformed mentally-shuffling pinheads, some of whom it pains me to say, may be even far dumber than even he appears to be:

Let me tell you, it’s so nice to see an “A” level game being presented when it comes to individual madness, is it not? But as an aside, exactly what is a “Patriot” supposed to dress like? Because I’m pretty sure that the outfit of one who claims to be such, doesn’t include zip-ties, Confederate flags, or the emblazoning of a wannabe fascists name, across their chest, but maybe that’s just me.

For those of you who may be new to the idioms of this country, “And everybody knows it”, is a convenient catch-phrase that modern-day conservatives use in place of willingly providing verifiable evidence to prove whatever it is that they’re claiming happened.

While it can be considered a relatively new tool of the GQP, it’s been used do many times at this point, that it’s literally become an almost cliche admission that no such proof for said claim, actually exists. Please reference the subjects of “Micro-chipped Vaccines”, “Frazzledrip”, “Pizzagate”, “New World Order”, “Deep State Machinations”, and “A Watchable Cut of Highlander 2”, for a deeper understanding, if such is actually required.Naturally, whenever I encounter one of these mewling morons online, I do my best to play Devil’s Advocate as it were, and attempt to see things from their side of the fence, regardless of just how misguided and wholly paranoid it may be. Fortunately, for your entertainment if not my own, I tend to fail rather spectacularly at this sort of thing:

Yes, I know, I know… I used the same joke. Twice. Truly, I am sorry. But it is a good joke, and I do so like to get my money out of them before they die. Speaking of which, the act of consistently reanimating that which should remain dead, is also a Conservative staple, as it comes in handy whenever their attempts to deflect or terrorize, fail to take root.

Your mango-man-child got caught paying off a porn star for 30 seconds of sex? Bring up the decades-old Clinton/Lewinsky affair. He got busted stealing classified documents? Casually mention Hillary’s 3 unauthorized e-mails, as if they’re equivalent. And if your twice-impeached and utterly disgraced ex-President suggests that we should abolish the Constitution due to non-existent voter fraud?

Well then, just start babbling about this disproven garbage instead, and hope for the best:

Now seems like a good time to remind everyone, save for the more astute of you that may have already guessed, that this is patently false. What Art Summers is referring to here, is the idiocy that in 2012, Former President Barack Obama signed into law, a codicil making it legally permissible for the media to purposely lie to the American people.

Alas, to the ever-eternal woe of the Alt-Wrong slimeballs behind the marketing of the lies presented hourly on FOX, OAN, Breitbart, Epoch Times, Newsmax, Gateway Pundit, Truth Veritas, and the Daily Caller, this is incorrect, but I guess a morally rudderless group of demagogues can dream the ultimate dream, even if it does come with the crippling effect of having no actual remorse for what they’ve willingly done, whatsoever.

This falsehood stems from the moment when Obama signed the National Defense Authorization Act in 2013, a legislative move which in and of itself, was not intended to repeal the Smith-Mundt Act, but instead, eased some limitations concerning domestic dissemination of media that was government-funded.

With Obama’s signature, the law now allows Americans who freely want to access government-funded media content, such as the Voice of America and/or Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty, the ability to do so “upon request.”. An entreaty which before the change of the law, was nearly unobtainable to fulfill.

And yet, despite the fact that Americans are still able to access much of this restricted content online, the law as it currently exists, clearly mandates that it is STILL ILLEGAL, (read that again, conspiracists) for government-funded media to produce and/or market, their content to America’s citizenry.

Hilariously, not only is all the info I just laid out for you relatively easy to find, but so is the agency [AKA: The Global Engagement Center, or “GEC” for short] listed on the meme as a reference for the meme’s “research”, which as you all now know, was never actually sought out, or even remotely utilized to begin with. And for a malevolence purportedly designed to deceive the Amwr9can public at large, they sure don’t seem interested in keeping a low profile:

Even more ballsy? They’ve posted their evil plan right out in the open for all to see, as well:

Goddamn… I don’t know who’s currently in charge of the GEC at the moment, but they’re definitely the kind of hands-on administrator that SPECTRE, Black Sun, KAOS, The League of Assassins, COBRA COMMAND, The Umbrella Corporation, and HYDRA, should give serious regard to, concerning their hopefully being poached away from the Federal Government.

And if those agencies turn out to be dead ends for the GEC’s mist valuable team player, there’s always the possibilities of their floating a resume over to the Masons, the Illuminati, and whomever it is that keeps greenlighting those increasingly godawful Fantastic Four franchise reboots:

Nevertheless, let’s try and keep this nationalistically-inspired pandemic of Folie à plusieurs in some sort of perspective, if we may. Also known as shared delusional disorder, or SDD, for the laypersons reading this, the “madness pf many” as such translates, manifests itself as a mental disorder in which delusional beliefs, and occasionally even hallucinations, are transmitted from one individual to another.

Feel free to raise your hands, if this reminds you of any virulent ideology assorted with a particular American political party as of late, because I most certainly have one in mind. As should you all, come to think of it. To be fair, in its mildest incarnation, it can disingenuously present itself as somewhat amusing, if not outright bizarre:However, the flip side of this malevolently gilded medallion, is what can be resultant of its insidiousness, when said collective delusions are taken not only as gospel by their dimwitted disciples, but are also machinated into a directly targeted series of actions, as well. And rest assured, when zealous lunatics are conceived that they alone are the virtuous who are tasked to cleanse “their” world of those they’ve deemed as the wicked, no one is safe

The madness isn’t over, just because Trump got his larded ass handed to him by populist decree in 2020- it will be with us for years to come, perhaps even decades. That is, if the current crop of GQP/Pro-Trump stooges currently serving as cravenly conduits, get to have their say, and/or way. Not to mention, the nutbars that the modern-day conservative movement has created remain among us, spreading the infection still, and if anything, adding even more unhinged layers of inanity icing to their conspiracy cupcakes:

Sigh… somewhere out there in this great Republic of ours, exists a small village, quietly wondering where its resident idiot ran off to, and praying ever so earnestly that it was either into the mouth of an active volcano, or preferably, an overly hungry shark. This sort of thing is one of those tragic examples of a human failing at not only logic, but the keeping of a firm grasp on their already limited sanity, as well.

Let’s unpack what is being presented to us here- it’s not an inquisitive theorem based on fact, but a hardcore case pf mental disengagement from all known reality. First, there’s the issue of the deliberately vague context given regarding the three people pictured, and more importantly, the names of said depicted remain unknown to us as well, which if you want them to become “famous”, is going to manifest itself as being somewhat problematic down the allegorical road.

This lack of credible detail, in and of itself, is not at all surprising, as MAGAts tend to like their conspicuous left open-ended, if only for the wriggle room that such provides, but to cast attempted insurrectionist Ashli Babbitt, the first-time posthumous winner of the newly-minted Congressional “F**k Around and Find Out” Medal, as a complicit double-agent?

Say what you will about these morons, but give them some serious props for kicking their crazy into 4th gear, and running over the family dog, as they do so. For those of you not in the know, Ashli Babbit was, and I repeat WAS, a veteran of the United States Air Force, who after being infected with the scourge that is the ideology of the QAnon political movement, found herself among the mob of traitors that stormed the US Capitol building on ten morning of January 6th, 2020.

On January 5, 2021, the day before the assault on the Capitol, Babbitt tweeted: “Nothing can stop us….they can try and try but the storm is here and it is descending upon DC in less than 24 hours….dark to light….”

Sadly for Babbitt, her prediction of nothing being able to stop “us” was proven adamantly false, when she was fatally shot in the neck by a Capital police officer, after being warned not to continue her advance of attempting to climb through the shattered window of a barricaded door within the Capitol’s restricted-to-the-public area.

The US Capitol Police eventually ruled this thinning of the ignorant MAGA herd as “lawful and within Department policy”, noting in addition that such an action; “potentially saved Members (of Congress) and staff from serious injury and possible death”. And when given the fact that said insurrectionists were actively searching offices for specific individuals and chanting about hanging then VP Mike Pence, I tend to agree with this assessment.

Babbitt was and will always be, a tragically misguided traitor to the country she once swore to protect, and the truly heart-rending reality of it all, is that she undertook her actions under the banner of a mango-man-child who quite honestly, wouldn’t condescend to spit on her corpse if it were on fire. But now, according to the MAGA malcontent that is Susi Downs, she’s part of the Machiavellian malevolence that is the Deep State?

With no due respect Mrs. Downs, I’d opine that it would be rather diplomatic of me, if I dare suggested that the beat part of you, dribbled down your mother’s chin. But Susi of the Bat**it Banshees, isn’t alone in her dissemination of lunacy, for as I inferred earlier, this club is open to all- well, at least those who are willing to check their brains at the proverbial door, that is.

Let’s look at one of the unmentioned elephants just wandering around freely in the room, if we may- despite Trump’s two years of weakly asserting that J6 was the result of noble patriots protesting a “rigged election”, he has yet to do anything to help same said loyalists who’ve been charged with a wide variance of crimes relating to the riot.

Close to 1000 people face consequences ranging from minor to major, for acting out in support if Trump’s whims, and thus far…  he hasn’t done squat for any of them. Not one rally dedicated to raising the money required for a competent legal defense, not one act on their behalf of offering his under-oath testimony given in person, or more realistically, by video deposition, and most tellingly, not one dime documented coming out of his closed to his followers’ pockets, either.

Nine if this matters to his cult of personality pinheads though, because despite all evidence to the contrary, they collectively “just know” that no matter what, their Supreme Leader would never even think of abandoning them in the same way that he has his wives, mistresses, friends, family, and eventually- most trusted allies, for years. Some of this ever-virulent connection to outright madness can be mildly off-kilter, such as this particular exchange here:

Damnit.  Just noticed that I used the same joke thrice. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m seriously tired of dealing with these inane idiots, or if I’m just hitting a lazy phase in my middle-age. Probably both. Bath is good. Now, whole Kevin is obviously living in a world chick-full of Republican rainbows and erroneously selective comprehension, our next looney-tune Trumpist exists in a world that has gone full dark:

I’m not entirely sure what’s currently eating Gibert Gripe here, but I’d lay serious odds that it’s exceedingly hard to pronounce. However, as I’d like to encourage the creative impulse residing within my fellow citizens, let me just say that if this rambling whatever the f**k it is, were to ever be made into a movie directed by *Douglas Eric Liman, I would watch the hell out of it, without a trace of guilt.
[Swingers, The Bourne Identity, Mr. & Mrs. Smith,]

But as it is with all things in MAGA World, no matter what the topic is, be it factual or fantastical, there’s always a mentally-defective cultist who manages against all odds, to craft delusional disingenuousness into a cautionary tale as to just why if you go to a person’s house and they don’t have any books, having sex with them should be an option that’s immediately removed from the table of future plans.

And if you think I’m being overly cynical, then please enjoy the following evidentiary proof:

I cannot even begin to apologize for putting you through that, but imagine you were me, sitting at home, resplendent in your Nightmare before Christmas pajamas, eating a bowl of Cap’n Crunch at 2 in the morning, and you accidentally came across this person, who can legally drive, own a gun, handle sharp pointy things, reproduce, and most terrifyingly… VOTE.

As noted above, I’m not entirely sure what’s currently eating Gibert Gripe here, but I can say that it’s moving through his rapidly degenerating brain, faster than Taylor Swift runs through boyfriends. And while his expressing himself isn’t a crime, his mangling of the English language, along with its grammar and the proper spelling of its vast lexicon, should be.

And lest ye have forgotten, all of this is presented as nothing less than a representational tribute to the twice-impeached, treasonous, lying, grafting, perverted, insurrectionist, and wannabe fascist, who posted this:

Normally, I would refer to this tiny-handed, soulless, morally corrupt, allegedly mushroom-dicked, whore-mongering (and impregnated mistress marrying) piece of human pudding skin, with some colorful if not derogatory nickname, such as “The White Pride Piper”, or maybe even ”The Lone DeRanger”, both of which in my humble estimation, I feel are dead-on. in my ever so humble estimation.

Nevertheless, and speaking only for the eventually to be archived for posterity historical narrative, I think the most apt account of him is simply that he’s no less than a feige Verräterin, who even at his best, is still the worst bedrohung zu Demokratie, that America has ever had to face from within itself.

Feel free to Google those descriptives, because for the money, the German language has some of the best wards ever to describe that which is normally intangible. For instance, the word “Backpfeifengesicht”, which in rough translation, refers to a face that is badly in need of a punch to it.

Which, if we are to be truly honest, is a perfectly normal reaction when one finds themselves in close proximity to any singular person who openly, if not proudly, still supports this treasonous and scrotum-chinned, degenerate baboon. After all, it’s bad enough that we had to endure four far-too-long years of this man-child’s scandals, sexism, racism, naked avarice, stunning incompetence, and narcissistic commentary amounting to nothing, save for piles of literal and pointless word salad.

But now? Dealing with his never-ending fever-dream, wherein he’s the undeserving victim of a cravenly cabal intent on keeping him from the power that he alone, should wield without the oversight of that pesky Constitution he’d prefer be terminated, has been nothing less than a national embarrassment.

And as you’d expect, his calling for the cessation of the very document that our country was founded on and under, raised almost zero concerns among the most devoted of his slavish sycophants.

And while it is true that Rep. Adam Kinzinger, who served as the vice-chair of the House committee investigating the J6 uprising, did say that “not a single conservative can legitimately support him, and not a single supporter can be called a conservative”, the displaying of an equitable amount of non-committal silence from the majority of the GQP hierarchy, was seemingly the rule of the day, and not the assumed exception.

This as well, is also not that much of a shock, as conservatives have proven time and time again, that in their pathetically clouting quest to retain their political power, they’ll happily chuck their sworn oath and personal ethics under a bus, for no other reason than to briefly secure the mercurial favor of a facetious firebrand who would gladly set them aflame, if he needed to stay warm.

Tasty pick, guys. Definitely worth the public humiliation that’s sure to follow for doing so.  

I mean, it’s one thing to hitch your future to a proverbial cart, but when you can’t differentiate between its driver and the jackass pulling it, maybe it’s past the time for a moment of self-refection. However, such inner contemplation is ostensibly not a skillset that the GQP membership can access, given their almost sociopathic hatred for current president Joe Biden, who as “we all know”, was responsible for “stealing” the 2020 election out from under Trump.

Even worse, his arrogance at getting away with it, has only worsened, as supremely evidenced by this 2022 Christmas Eve post, in which he spews his saccharine salutation without shame:

The nerve of this Socialist suck-up- not one word about Jesus Christ, the mythical deity who’s also “the reason for the season” as the cool kids like to say, and on top of that, an inference that despite our political and/or personal differences, we can still find common ground?

Well, screw that buddy, and keep your touchy-feely whiny-woke crap, the hell away from me, if you please. I can’t speak for you of course, but if I desire a Christmas message imbued with the truest spirit of what is being marketed by conservatives as American civility, I’ll go with this guy:

Jesus weeps, that’s beautiful, isn’t it? The extending of Yuletide blessings to not only the wrongly descripted “Radical Left Marxists”, but heartwarmingly, the FBI as well, despite them having the unmitigated gall to catch caught him orange-handed stealing classified documents.

And making sure that his “LOVE TO ALL’ encompasses the special prosecutor, and for some unknown reason, his wife and family, as well as the DOJ who’s going to be sending him to prison sometime in the hopefully near future? That is the epitome of class, boys and girls, and unlike one of Trump’s business checks, you can take that sucker to the bank and cash it like a boss.

One quibble though? If Trump is indeed “clairvoyant”, as he so proudly claims, then why didn’t he foresee the failure of Trump Steaks, GoTrump (a travel website), Trump Airlines, Trump Vodka, Trump Mortgage, “Trump: The Game”, Trump University, Trump Ice (bottled water), the Tour de Trump, the Trump Network, and the United States Football League?

Not to mention, his multiple bankruptcies, his two failed marriages, his dipterous reign as our 45th President, his history-making dual impeachments, and the outcome of the 2020 election? I don’t know that much about the practice of Telesthesia, but I would suggest that the only gift of remote perception that Adolf Twittler here has ever possessed in buckets, would be achieving full clarity after the fact of whatever he’s done has become public knowledge.

Edgar Cayce, Trump is not. But he and Theresa Caputo, the allegedly fraudulent Long Island based medium, could probably find themselves working a carnival side-show together, after their mass marketability has cooled off somewhat.

Speaking of which, it does seem that as of late, Trump isn’t the Gilded Boy he once thought he was. His third attempt at a run for President appears listless and without direction, his ranting is up, while its populist appeal is seemingly wearing thin, and even his once stalwart ego-stroke rallies, are becoming sparser in both their attendance, if not their societal impact.

And for a narcissist such as Trump whose ego has always been far larger than his inherent ability to back it up, the deliberate lack of current mainstream media interest in what he says, does, or thinks, must sting like the ever-loving indictments that are sure to be coming his way.

And if you doubt me, understand that Trump bade the press utilize a ‘media availability’ slot at his annual Mar-a-Lago New Year’s Eve soiree, and not one cable news network covered the event. And in a true “Et tu, Brute?” moment I never would have guessed could ever happen, that list also included Trump’s stereotypical propagandistic lapdogs, Newsmax and FOX.

This unexpected blow to his delusion of being all that and a bag of loan-skips, caused him to take to the Web, and finding himself inspired by his earlier Christmas message, he decided to go one better, and craft another that was even dumber, if not far viler, than its predecessor:

Call me insensitive, but when both your baby mama, as well as your side-chick, leave you hanging with a case of allegorical blue-balls, rather than delivering the expected threesome you thought was coming your way, the tensile strength of your self-worth, has got to be reduced to that of a bowl of microwaved Velveeta.

Which, let’s face it, is already kind of what Trump resembles to begin with. And that’s on a good day.

Granted, the additional embarrassment he suffered at the hands of the public at large being made aware via his court-released tax returns, that his decades-long attempt at mythologizing his supposed intellectual and business prowess, was actually constructed on the quicksand of unwarranted braggadocio, which to be honest, is the only skillset that this mango Mussolini has ever actually possessed in gilded buckets.

And this loss of faux face, regardless of how much dime-store bronzer he applies to it, has most certainly rubbed his repulsive rhubarb raw, something that this post inadvertently attests to

Clearly, this mewling man-child has no unde5standing of just how the American legal system actually works, despite his being continually, if not criminally, involved with it on a first-name basis for decades.

To note, my Cheeto Führer: no president has ever had “standing” over their own election, due to the realty that there are still THREE branches of government involved in the process. A fact that while highly inconvenient for s wannabe fascist like yourself, is essential to reaffirm the necessity, that America remains a constitutional republic, and not the second-rate Stalinist state that you’d like to install, via your cult of puerile personality.

“Nothing to see here, folks, save for a bunch of faux patriots cosplaying “I’m a Nuremberger.” ‘.

Additionally, it is not “unprecedented” for a President to hand over their tax returns, as American Presidents have been doing it WILLINGLY, SINCE NIXON RESIGNED IN DISGRACE.

Not only are you the first president who’s refused to do so in close to fifty years, you’re also the first one that fought multiple court challenges to protect that which was already widely known- the reality that you’re a fraud, a liar, a tax cheat, a hypocrite, and worst of all for your petulant ego, you were never a “Billionaire”, and you never will be, either.

I’ve never met you my treasonous firebrand, and quote honestly, never hope to, but given your penchant for having a sensitivity in concern to your public image that’s rumored to be equivalent to the skin of an onion, that last part just has to burn your larded ass, as if you were using the lava jets of Stromboli as a bidet.

However, it’s your slamming of the Supreme Court that I’m really enjoying here- can you imagine the frustration of managing to successfully install no less than three of your expected allies with great confidence, “knowing” that they would protect you from prosecution, if not supplementary public mortification, and then experience them doing neither, as they refuse to even take a side-glance at your weak AF case claiming non-existent voter fraud?

Ouch, I say. Just “ouch”. I’ve heard the saying that you should “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”, but I myself, have never kept either so close that they could easily place my spawn-hammer into a blender, and then hit the “liquefy” button, as if they were ringing the service bell at a dry cleaner’s, let me tell you.

As for the rest of your (as usual) unfounded and reflectively libelous commentary, Biden’s personal tax records fall under the transparency of being an accessible PUBLIC RECORD, so maybe you should “Google”, before you “Truth”. That’s just a friendly suggestion, from me the cynical realist, to you, the insanely peevish 76-year-old mango-tinted-toddler, who believes that tantrum-throwing is akin to a measured debate.

But then again, should we expect anything less from the humiliated man-child that posted this?

That’s the potential GQP 2024 Presidential candidate everyone: the self-described member of “the lucky sperm club.”, and “stable-genius”, who’s undeniably “really smart”, with the “highest IQ”, and concurrently, the “best friend” that Women, Blacks, and the Gay Community “will ever have”.

Trump, who is of course, none of these things, once aggrandized in an interview that his process for defining the creative decisions in his life was, like the man himself, actually quite simple: “I try to step back and remember my first shallow reaction. The day I realized it can be smart to be shallow was, for me, a deep experience.”

Irrespective of what his words, deeds, and certified reality have to say about such boasts, this narcissistic immaturity isn’t a singular character quirk of Trump’s- it is quite literally, the entire essence of his pathetically putrid being.

Trump is every AXE-soaked Bro at a college party, bragging about all the women he’s (never) had, he’s every middle-aged ex-jock, lying about his (non) glory days on the high school field, and he’s most certainly the stereotype of every born-into-wealth-man-child, who received stock tips and flawed character traits from his father, rather than the love he so desperately needed and craved.

And I say this, as a person who’s contending with some seriously major Daddy issues, himself.

However, one of Trump’s biggest failings as a human, is just how bad he is at actually being one. I’ve oft said that if the ethereal aspects of Tone-Deaf and Cluelessness ever had a baby, Trump would be the spawn produced. Speaking only for myself, I have never seen a person that’s so wrapped up in their own self-styled myth, that they can’t visualize the world around them as it actually exists.

And keep in mind, this was a joke once presented to me: “A televangelist, a GOP politician, and the writer Wayne Michael Reich, have perished in a plane crash, and find themselves standing before the judgement of the One True God, who queries the trio, as to why any of them should be allowed to enter his Kingdom.

The televangelist says: “I spread your message passionately, and converted thousands to your faith.”. God ponders this for a moment, and says; ” That is awesome! You may sit on my right side.” He then asks the same question of the GOP politician, who states; “As I too believe in you and your teachings, I attempted to pass legislation to try and mandate that it be part of the American educational curriculum in public schools.”

God obviously considers this a supreme compliment, and then declares: “For honoring me so devotedly, you may sit on my left” He then turns to Wayne Michael Reich, and asks; “What do you have to say, my child? Wayne stares directly at the proverbial Lord and Father to All, and curtly announces; “Look buddy, I have no goddamn idea in Hell who you think you are, but I do believe that you’re sitting in my f**king seat.””

Now, while this is disturbingly accurate on many levels, it still doesn’t compare with just how disconnected Trump is from the common pond of human interaction, overall. Whether it’s his confusing 9/11 with the convenience store chain known as 7/11, as he did back in 2015, his ability to create cringe-worthiness out of the empty air is legendary.

Take said speech where he does so, and that, ever so flawlessly: “I wrote this out, and it’s very close to my heart. Because I was down there, and I watched our police and our firemen down at 7/11 — down at the World Trade Center right after it came down. And I saw the greatest people I’ve ever seen in action. I saw the bravest people I’ve ever seen.”

Now, while this is no more than a slip of the tongue that could happen to us all, it’s compounded by the should be embarrassing fact that as I noted earlier within this screed; there is no credible evidence of his ever being present at Ground Zero at any point in the process. No valid eyewitness accounts, no personal or journalistic photo exists of such, nor is there any corroborating news footage either.

But as I just assessed, Trump is so far removed from that which makes us human, he literally has no idea what to do when confronted with, or sitting in the presence of, an actually functioning one. Case in point, his remarks concerning former POW, the late John McCain: “He’s not a war hero. He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”

This vile statement BTW, courtesy of a craven who faked “bone spurs” to avoid the draft, while McCain was undergoing torture imprisoned in a cage, but I digress. Let us also not forget this delightful slice of his inherent misogyny, directed at Megyn Kelly, who was one of Fox News’ moderators in the first Republican debate: “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever.”

Ahh… degrading the biological processes of women- that’s a sure-fire way to impress them, let me tell you. And if you’re going to try and woo the Latina community to support your ongoing outreach to them, then there’s no better way to do it, than by tweeting; “Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!”

This casual racism aside, let’s ponder its influence regarding his 2015 suggestion on “Fox and Friends”, that we (the US) should not only kill the terrorists that threaten us, but their families as well, which by the way, would be considered a war crime: “The other thing with the terrorists is you have to take out their families, when you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives, don’t kid yourself. When they say they don’t care about their lives, you have to take out their families,”

And when it comes to the African-American voting demographic, nobody has ever had a stronger sales pitch than Donald J Trump: “You’re living in poverty, your schools are no good, you have no jobs, 58 percent of your youth is unemployed. What the hell do you have to lose? Yup… that’s the embodiment of an all-around well-balanced human coming through, kids.

Sadly, I could go on for days reciting his seemingly endless list of inanely soulless commentary, but I think you’ve all grasped the concept of what I was exploring at this point. That being, he literally can’t “human”, even when his fraudulent fortune, facetiously-based fame, and continuing personal freedom, depends on his doing so.

However, where this abominable character flaw of his really comes shining through, is when there’s actual human suffering occurring within his purview. Take this moment of compassionate humanity, snapped at an aid station in Guaynabo, Puerto Rico:

That’s Trump, in his alleged guise as the US President, tossing out rolls of paper towels to FLOOD VICTIMS, as if he were shooting free-throws for the Knicks. Ostensibly visiting its residents after Hurricane Maria devastated the island, it’s now obvious that his failed attempt at engaging in humanitarianism, was no more than a PR stunt, designed to save orange-face after complaints that the US government’s handling of the storm’s aftermath was too slow, became too public for him to ignore.

Trump for his part, whose actions were labeled as being “insulting” by Carmen Yulin Cruz, the mayor of San Juan, found himself branded as the “mis-communicator-in-chief”, by the same, due to not only his disgusting act of chucking the proverbial Bounty, but for his complaining about the expected cost of storm recovery, as well.

In a stunningly clueless revelation of his lack of basic concern for others, the ever-oblivious Mango Moron said to the unfortunate assembled, that; “you’ve thrown our budget a little out of whack… but that’s fine”. In a later media interview, Mayor Cruz noted that “there was no exchange with anybody, with none of the mayors”, highlighting that; “this terrible and abominable view of him throwing paper towels and throwing provisions at people, it really… it does not embody the spirit of the American nation, you know?”

Trust me, Mayor Cruz… WE KNOW.

But as is normal for our narcissiically nattering nincompoop of numbskullery, he didn’t see this embarrassingly immature debacle in quite the same way that the world entire did, going so far as to confidently tweet the following, without any definable trace of self-awareness for the fiasco itself, or the well-being of those he had selfishly subjected to it:

Once again though, this inferred claim of being the true victim of a situation really shouldn’t come as any form of unexpected surprise to anyone, as avoiding reality and/or the blame for such, is just the SOP for this perpetual SOB. Aww… was the international media correctly calling you out for acting like a jackass on the world stage, Donny? Poor baby. Here’s a room-temperature Diet Coke, served with a heaping slice of STFU, you walking tangerine-tinted taint.

Lest we’ve forgotten, irrespective of the true parameters of what is actually being discussed at any given time, Trump’s gift for deflecting his role in regards to it, is aways on point. A prime example of this, occurred when the husband of Former Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Paul Pelosi, had been attacked inside their home as he slept, by a hammer-wielding QAnon-conspiracy-theorist, allegedly inspired by Trump’s seemingly never-ending litany of election fraud lies

Trump’s personal take on the political atmosphere that led to the attack, and which he most certainly, was partially responsible for? Just what you would expect from the type of person who has never once in his over-privileged life, ever been forced to truly suffer the consequences of the actions that he undertakes.

In an interview that he granted to the conservative Spanish language outlet, Americano Media, Trump’s signature tone-deafness was on full-display as he opined that: “With Paul Pelosi, that’s a terrible thing, with all of them it’s a terrible thing, Look at what’s happened to San Francisco generally. Look at what’s happening in Chicago. It was far worse than Afghanistan. We have to give the police back their dignity, their respect. They can solve the problem. But today if a police officer says something that’s slightly out of line it’s like the end of his life, the end of his pension, the end of his family, We can’t do that. We have to give the police back their authority and their power and their respect. Because this country is out of control.”

If I were to ask an understandable question, of this self-styled stable genius, it would center on just what, pray tell, do the cities of San Francisco, Chicago, and the country of Afghanistan, have to do with Pelosi being attacked in his home by one of his cravenly-delusional cultists? Not to mention, what in the f**k does the entirely separate issue regarding the alleged loss of police dignity and authority, fit in as well?

I don’t know what’s truly the most pathetic thing about Trump, and mythical Lord knows, there’s quite the list to openly choose from, but his incapacity to just answer a simple question “correctly” and then just succinctly shut the hell up in regard to it, has got to crest at the top of his particularly unique inanity incline.

To be fair, when factoring in his love of gleaning schadenfreude from the misfortunes of others, I’m actually quite surprised that Trump was so measured in his remarks, what with his exceeding dislike and turbulent history with former Speaker Pelosi, because after all, this is also the same allegorical “man” that after Senator John McCain died from brain cancer, whined that; “I gave him the kind of funeral that he wanted, which as president I had to approve, I don’t care about this. I didn’t get a thank you. That’s OK. We sent him on the way, but I wasn’t a fan of John McCain.”

Say what you will about Trump’s sense of faux victimhood, but nobody could ever successfully claim that they ran into it accidentally, given both its appalling girth, and ever-increasing decibel level. For the more erudite among us, the assumption that Trump would learn from his transparent mistakes was considered a safe bet, but as we all eventually experienced for ourselves, any such expectations, were fated to be dead wrong.

Speaking of things that are dead, you would have thought that while Trump himself may be dumber than a brick, certainly his hand-picked advisors would have gained valuable insights from his growing gaffe assemblage, and in that sense, you might be on to something, but even when the message disseminated was perceptibly transposed by someone else’s hand, Trump’s revulsion for all things sympathetically expressed, still bleeds through:

So, what exactly, is wrong with this solemn message of remembrance, you ask?

Well to start, the sympathy expressed within, is granted to the Republican party first, before the family that actually suffered the loss, which regardless of what side of the partisan fence you may find yourself standing on, is the epitome of tastelessness. Second, at no point throughout this message entire, are the actual names of “Diamond” (Ineitha Lynnette Hardaway) and her surviving sister  “Silk”, (Herneitha Rochelle Hardaway Richardson) ever notated.

This could be due to his wanting to acknowledge them as he knew them, (IE; “no better TEAM anywhere”) or more likely, it’s because he didn’t know, or more to the point; care to know, their real names to begin with.

I base this horrific in any other situation assessment, on the following comment he made in his role as an invited eulogist at Diamond’s funeral service: “I’m serious, I thought I knew them both. I didn’t. I knew Diamond but I didn’t know Silk at all. I just learned about Silk.” [To Silk] “You’re fantastic. You’re going to carry on beyond, beyond anybody’s wildest imaginations.”

This, despite comments in the past, where he labeled them both as “warriors”, and tweeted; “But I love Diamond & Silk, and so do millions of people!”, after FOX cut ties with the duo for disseminating debunked conspiracy theories about COVID-19. In response, the Trump campaign issued a statement saying that; “Diamond and Silk are tremendously valued supporters of President Trump. They fight for the President and are continued valued members of Team Trump.”  

To his exceedingly limited credit, while he did refer to Diamond as one of the “world’s brightest stars”, and despite the reality of D & S being co-chairs of Black-Voices for Trump, as well as Women for Trump board members, along with having been previously invited to the White House for a face-to-face with Trump himself, he still thought that Silk at her sister’s funeral, (and to her face no less) would appreciate hearing; “I didn’t know Silk at all. I just learned about Silk”?

Despite this unintentional (?) slight, when Silk took the stage, she posited that; ‘Instead of asking if Americans are vaxxed or unvaxxed, the real question to ask is: Are Americans being poisoned? In the wild, when they want to depopulate and sterilize a large group of animals, they usually inject one animal, and that one animal infect the rest of the animals, People are dropping dead around here, and nobody is talking about it! They are dropping dead suddenly and unexpectedly.’

This asinine suggestion, hurled by a woman who had recently lost both her sister if not her meal ticket, then segued into a possibly Freudian slip, as she chronicled the final moments of her sister: ‘She said to me, ‘I can’t breathe.’ It was something out of nowhere, and no warning. Each breath was less, and less, and less, What I want to say to everybody is don’t you dare call me a conspiracy theorist. Because I saw it happen. I saw how it happened. I was there when it happened, and it happened suddenly.”

First, this sounds like the classic symptoms of a COVID-related death, and second, no it didn’t “happen suddenly”, as Silk had tweeted; “Anyone who believes in the power of prayer please pray for Diamond,”, back in November, which was quite the passage of time before her sister’s eventual death. And thirdly, Silk’s claim “Because I saw it happen. I saw how it happened”, underscores a question that as of yet, nobody seems to have asked, that being: What exactly did you “see” happen, Silk?

If your equally as dumb and now deceased sister didn’t die from COVID, just release the cause of death, and those that are curious, will move on. If she did, and yet you maintain that it was the vaccine she took that actually killed her instead, then it means that at least one of you is (or was) a flaming hypocrite, given your very well publicized and marketed stance regarding both COVID, and its medical bulwark.

In lieu of this telling coinky-dink, Silk has steadfastly maintained that her sister did not die of COVID, tweeting: ‘Where’s your proof that my sister died from contracting COVID-19? No Proof plus No Truth equates to a Lawsuit”, which of course, is not how any of this actually works, and is probably as close to an admission that COVID was indeed the cause of Diamond’s death, as we’re ever going to get.

Silk’s incendiary antivaxx statements, as yet unproven, obviously inspired known nutjob, allegedly antisemitic Jewish Space Laser critic, and full-time conspiracy theorist Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, to take to Twitter, and launch the following “I need 15 more minutes of Fame” Molotov cocktail: ‘I demand an IMMEDIATE investigation into COVID vaccines and the dramatic increase of people dying suddenly! This can no longer be ignored and is NOT political.’

And just in case any of you have lost the thread of this narrative, all of this took place at a funeral. AT A FUNERAL. A MEMORIAL DEDICATED TO THE PUREST REMBERANCES OF A PERSON’S LIFE.

Seriously. What. In. The. Actual. F**k.

However, it only gets “better”, for as we’ve all come to expect, Trump used his time at bat, to show just how bats**t crazy he’s become, by issuing such compassionate bon-mots as; “Countries are emptying out their prisons and mental institutions into the US! And gas prices are too damn high! Also inflation is bad!”

Staying on brand, he remained off target and tone-deaf throughout the memorial-service-turned-Trump rally,, by issuing some rather bizarre commentary about the crowd size, saying that; “The chapel wouldn’t have held the kind of people, the number of people that we have, And we’re doing it right and that’s the way it should be and I did notice a big line of very, very nice vehicles outside. That’s got to be handled properly, right? So we’re going to handle it properly. Go out in style. She knew that. Go out in style.”

By the way, said number of people that purportedly couldn’t be “held” was estimated to be around 150, so as it is the case with all things Trumpian, up is down, dry is wet, and three inches magically becomes a very girthy seven and a half.,

Nevertheless, Trump did get back on track (sort of) when he summed up the three hours plus service where (GASP!) he wasn’t the primary center of attention, with his as equally sensitive assertion of; “They told me, just give me a little time. I’ve got a lot of people waiting for me back in a place called Palm Beach, Florida. They said give me a little time. What do you think it’ll take? About 15 – 20 minutes, in and out. I said ‘Well it could take longer.’ This is a little longer than 15 minutes, right?”

Don’t worry, Donny- when the glorious day comes that you did something good for humanity by shuffling off the mortal coil, your service will not only be over in 15 minutes, it’ll have time to spare, as the only people in attendance, will be there to happily pi** on your grave, which I can only assume, will be gilded.

As he wrapped up his truly inappropriate session of self-aggrandizement, he inanely referenced his 2020 election loss and subsequent lies about it, saying: “How do we stop the cheating? How do we stop it where you get more votes, but you still don’t win? The answer is the Republicans have to get tougher, the top people have to get tougher, and you have to really swamp ’em.”

Now, I know what you’re thinking: shocking that a man who has shown such retrained decorum in the past, would be so crass at such a potentially painful time, but let’s not forget just how Trump actually viewed this racially-embarrassing duo of Stephanie Fetchit cosplayers. In their first appearance at a Trump rally in 2015, our Captain of Condolences here, introduced them by saying; “I hope you monetized this- do your routine.”

Do your routine”, said the then most powerful man on the planet, using the same tone of voice that Bart, the former slave and newly appointed sheriff of the fictional town of Rock Ridge in 1974’s “Blazing Saddles”, was asked to perform a musical number by a cowboy known only as Lyle: “When you were slaves, you sang like birds. Go on… how about a good old ni***r work song?” 

Granted, while those weren’t the words that Trump used, the inferred inflection was the same, regardless, and therein that account, lies who Trump really is- a shell of a man that when the once useful to his personality cult find themselves eternally separated from his influence, either by choice or mortality, considers their prior said value as GQP tokens, as negated. Such is the fate of all Trump allies, albeit sooner or later.

And if I may continue on with my bluntness, be it ever so curt, such is, and always will be, the providence of his slavish fan base as well, because for Trump, people are no more and no less than the accessible means to whatever end he wishes to achieve.

Fortuitously for me, if not the wrapping-up of this particular screed, I have the perfect case in point:

A “MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT”, you say? Well Donny, I’m all ears. Obviously, this must have something to do with the policies you’ll be promoting via your previously declared 2024 run for president, or maybe even, the launch of a strategy to get all those prosecutions you’re currently facing, to go away. You know, like your 2nd mistress and 3rd wife, wishes you would?

However, I could be wrong about all of that, and this pre-warning you’ve posted for us all, is in regards to who will be both your VP pick and eventual scapegoat, when you get busted yet again for usurping established Constitutional law. I hear Kari Lake has a lot of free time on her hands these days, and the best part is that she’s rumored to come with her own built-in set of Instagram filters, for media interviews.

After all, you did say that; “AMERICA NEEDS A SUPERHERO”, and I can’t think of a better superpower for a politician, than the ability to always be in soft focus when they have to talk to Tucker Carlson, can you? What’s that you say? I’m way off-base in regards to all of that? Well then, my masculine maestro of marketing, what amazing thing is it exactly, that you’d like to share with us?

[Artbitch stares blankly into the void, closes laptop, walks into his kitchen, and starts slamming Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters two-fisted, as if his very life depended on doing so. He then lapses into an alcoholic-inspired diabetic coma, “sleeps” for four days, wakes up, groggily re-opens laptop, and seriously contemplates just why he does this to himself, and wonders if it’s too late for him to choose another career. Say like knitting, perhaps?]

With no due respect…, all I can manage to offer concerning this major announcement, is the simplest of queries, and it is this; SERIOUSLY? LIMITED-EDITI0N DIGITAL TRADING CARDS?!? JESUS F**KING CHRIST- WE ALL KNEW THAT YOU WERE A DISINGENUOUS SNAKE-OIL HUCKSTER, BUT WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F**K, DUDE? NOT TO MENTION, NO ONE, EVEN FOR A SECOND, IS BUYING THAT PHOTOSHOPPED PHYSIQUE YOU GRAFTED YOUR PUMPKIN-LIKE HEAD ONTO.

Here we collectively are, attempting to rebuild the country’s decorum and political process, as we’re being repetitively barraged by your claims that only you can fix the damage that you and your ilk debatably inflicted upon us, and rather than use this moment to introduce allegorical salves into the national discussion as a means to help America regain its unity, you laud this egotistical circle-jerk, instead?

Once again, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F**K, DUDE?

However, as I’m obviously not a card-carrying member of the MAGAt brigade, my opinion can be considered (and rightly so) as somewhat circumspect. So, how well did the average Trumpist adherent react to this wholly unexpected big reveal?  In all honesty, I’d charitably say that the reaction was mixed:

As it turned out, his slavish base of mental malcontents was expecting political progress, not shameless personal promotion, and as such, Trump’s unveiling of his newest alleged money-laundering scam, was widely mocked not only on both sides of the partisan pasture, but within the Alt-Wrong media sphere, as well. And as I noted earlier, such an occurrence being bestowed upon an egotist such as Trump, is akin to you or I, being denied the gift of oxygen.

Other believers, who prior to Trump’s non-announcement, guarded the metaphorical corridors of his MAGA mansion with literal sweat and blood, were far less inclined to be charitable in concern to his pathetic cash-grab, especially those who, thanks to their willing involvement in relation to the detestable events of J6, are now facing some serious prison time:

I for one, would never willingly align myself in any way. shape, or form, with such a person as “Baked Alaska” as he’s not only an Alt-Wrong loon, but a stridently ardent advocate of White Supremacy as well, but all that aside, I will begrudgingly have to admit that this warrior of the Vanilla Vanguard, did call it correctly here.

Not only has this moron tossed a good chunk of his life away for a gritter doused in snake oil, he did so based on a lie. And I don’t care who you are, or what you believe in, that’s still gotta sting like a bitch. But as bad as that is, the reaction from the MAGAt community at large, has been one expressing disgusted confusion at their Mango Mussolini’s pandering.

Damn. That’s some serious blow-back, especially from the cravenly cultists that previously, were seemingly cool with Trump’s history of adultery, pathological lying, alleged tax fraud and money laundering, self-admitted sexual assault, payments of hush money, derogatory commentary regarding women, minorities, POW’s, Muslims, immigrants seeking asylum, and numerous documented acts of possible treason.

And who among us may I ask, would have ever guessed that the allegorical line in the sand for these asinine adherents, would be drawn at trading cards? If we had only known then, what we unfortunately know now, maybe, just maybe, we could have enlisted the help of Topps four years ago, and stopped this demagogue of dipshi**ery before he even began.

But seriously and with all jokes aside, how bad could these cards really be?

I’ve often joked about there being no God, and as you’d surmise, I have no proof whatsoever to back up my theorem as such. But now? I’d dare say that not only does the existence of these artistic monstrosities certify my atheism, they may finally provide the metaphorical ammo that I’ve been lacking all these years, to convince others of the same.

But as with all things Trumpian, there’s a catch, and it’s laid out right at the start of his sales pitch:

What a deal- if you buy just one of these “rare’”cards, you can not only win 1000’s of sure to be unrewarded prizes, there’s the slimmest of chances for you to meet the twice-impeached ex-president and future federal inmate, Donald J. Trump! All you need do, is give ninety-nine dollars of your hard-earned money to this purported billionaire and known huckster, and you’re in like Flynn.

By the way, the definition of “rare” is such: “(of a thing) not found in large numbers and consequently of interest or value”. Keeping in mind that these cards are not printed, they’re essentially digital downloads, and that the repository of availability is 45K, calling these cards “rare”, is like saying that come Christmas time, you can’t find “It’s a Wonderful Life” playing on TV.

You get the idea, but trust me, it only gets more ridiculous:

For those of you bad at math, this golden opportunity to break bread with possibly the most disgraceful ex-president in American history, will set you back $4,555. The very idea of paying that much to have dinner with a known traitor, while disgusting, is really not what I’m curious about here, to be honest. I’m far more curious that when given Trump’s well-known tendencies to do all things on the cheap, if said dinner would look like this:

Sadly, this is not a still from an SNL skit, or a photoshopped image, either. This was the in all seriousness “dinner” presented to Clemson University’s football team, winners of the national college championship. 300 burgers, as well as pizza and fries, were on the menu, and despite what it looks like, this event was being held at the White House and not a small-town Wendy’s, which would have been far more appropriate, in regards to the embarrassing fare that was being offered.

Speaking of his disconcerting attempt at a grand fete, Trump blathered; “We ordered American fast food, paid for by me. Lots of hamburgers, lots of pizza, we have some very large people that like eating, so I think we’re going to have a little fun.” Continuing on, he declared that; “I like it all, it’s all good stuff. Great American food … I like em all, if it’s American I like, it’s all-American stuff, but it’s good stuff. But I’ll bet you as much food as we have – we have pizzas, we have 300 hamburgers, many many french fries, all of our favorite foods – I wanna see what’s here when we leave, because I don’t think it’s gonna be much.”

Oddly, despite the fact that he had already notated the number of burgers at the event being no more than 300, Trump later claimed that 1000 burgers had been ordered instead, because… um… he’s a practitioner of grandiose lying, perhaps? But I’ll let the lying king speak for himself: “I had a choice – do we have no food for you or do we give you some little quick salads that the first lady will make along with … the second lady, I said you guys aren’t into salads. Or, do I … go out and send out for about 1,000 hamburgers. So that’s what we did.”

Now, with that fine example of high-end catering under his belt, I’m confident that any dinner that Trump plans, is sure to be a hit. That is, if he actually plans to have any of those so-called “winners” on the guest list:

Gosh… are you thinking what I’m thinking? That maybe, just maybe, there’s a very good chance that Trump plans to take the money he made from this alleged money-laundering scam, and run for the safety of his gilded bathroom at the very first opportunity? Nah, that just has to be my inherent cynicism bleeding through, cynical, because just look at all the other “prizes” that are laying around, awaiting their chance to be awarded to an unwitting yet still willing, mark:

Wow. Given the high-caliber quality of both these cards [sarcasm alert] and Trump’s penchant for not living up to any of his promises, I’m curious to see just how many enthusiastic suckers believe that any of these advertised accolades, will ever actually be awarded to the delusional throng that fell for this garbage.

I’m sorry- did I say that these digital disappointments were of “high-caliber quality”? My sincerest apologies, as my intended assessment was to point out that these traitor cards, dedicated to one mans egotistical circle-jerk, are akin to what would result if I had asked my 78-year-old formerly ditch-digging sprinkler contractor father, to play with Photoshop, and then blocked all access to the online tutorials showing him how to use it properly.

Case in point, this completely amateurish photocollage, wherein Trump’s vacuous head has been crudely grafted onto somebody else’s body, with the end result being exactly what you would expect of anyone associated with the King of Outsourcing.

To illustrate what I’m talking about, let’s take a look at said image, as it appears on the traitor card website:

Right off the bat, you’ll notice that something seems off, and you’d be right. Trump’s head in particular, seems as if it’s set a tad bit too high on his non-seen neck, his skin tone doesn’t seem to be in balance with the atmospheric lighting of the image, and there’s a peculiar halo effect occurring about his face and hair as well. A closer examination of this image, reveals just why that is, and trust me, it’s hilarious:

Goddamn, that is truly pathetic AF. My seven-year-old grand-niece could do a better job of photo-masking than this, and she’s still using those safety scissors that look like a panda:

You would think that a self-declared “billionaire” who once tweeted, and that, without any sense of irony; “My two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart”, might have actually employed a competent photo retoucher for this project, but I can only guess that the guy he did hire, spent most of his time giving Trump the idealized body that he’s never possessed, instead.

I’m going to go into what the far bigger problem with this incompetent assemblage s in a few moments, but for now, let’s just note that this isn’t the first time that Trump has passed this sort of thing off as if it were normal. Take for instance, this weird, if not wholly mentally unbalanced, post of Trump’s from 2019, wherein his 73-year-old countenance, was grafted onto the body of the then 16-year-old climate activist (and Time’s Person of the Year) Greta Thunberg:

After seeing this act of puerile pettiness from a cravenly and treasonous septuagenarian aimed at a teenager who, by the quickest of comparisons alone, is a far more mature and worthwhile addition to this planet than he will ever hope to be, I feel that I have to rescind my earlier statement regarding what is, or should I more correctly say, what was “truly pathetic AF

This is. Hands down.

I mean… how f**king weak must your ego be, that in your undeserved role as one of the most powerful people on Earth, the thought of a child being on a magazine cover sets you off as if you were a six-year-old that’s been denied candy at the checkout line?

But here’s something even sadder… this isn’t the first “Time” that Trump has done this:

In 2017, Time Magazine demanded that Trump remove the cover depicted above, one that was seen hanging prominently in no less than six of his golf clubs, because it was deemed to be by Time itself, as being nothing more than a [SURPRISE!] mediocre fake. The image, dated March 1, 2009 did not correspond with the actual issue of that time period, which featured the actress Kate Winslet, instead of America’s walking analog of a diaper-rash poster child.

While this public humiliation perfectly illustrates Trump’s pathological need to have his ego masturbated every five minutes, the really odd standout about this act of barely middling forgery is that there was no actual need for it to begin with. At that particular moment in time, (no pun intended) Trump has already garnered a number of covers under his ever-lengthening belt, and therefore, had more than a few to choose from in concern to his interior decorating options.

In fact, Trump once (?) even openly bragged [what a shock] about what he had accomplished: “I have been on their cover 14 or 15 times. I think we have the all-time record in the history of Time magazine,”  

Regrettably for Trump’s onion-skinned ego, the New York Times discovered that while Trump had [at that time] landed the cover on 11 separate occasions, the record for most covers, with the total being set at 55, belonged to the equally disgraced former President Richard Nixon, which on some level, just has to set some sort of benchmark for foreshadowed irony.

Now even though it may not be obvious as to why I’m dredging up this ancient history, it will manifest its importance down the road. Until then, I suggest we get back to examining some of the more interesting aspects of Trump’s venture into NFT land, starting with the incredibly unique ordering process involved:

So, to recap this in its essence, if you want to buy a specific image of Trump, albeit as a Cowboy, Astronaut, Jet Pilot, or my personal favorite, whatever the f**k this is supposed to be;

… best of luck to you, because you’re going to get what you get, irrespective of what you actually may want. Which, when you think about it, is definitively on brand for anything that Trump is seemingly involved in, or married to. But don’t you worry, because if you do come back to your senses later on after realizing that you’ve been duped yet again by your mango-man-crush, you do have options open to you.

Just not any good ones:

That’s right, kids- despite all the legalese babbled throughout this self-declared non-advisory panel, all you need know is that while you can openly sell or “trade” your collection of magic beans, there’s no firm guarantee that they’ll retain their value, nor is there any respite from Trump’s money-grubbing ways either, as the 10% “royalty fee” most certifiably asserts.

And if you honestly believe that the artist who created these eyesores of artistic impenitence, will ever see another dome past the pittance he was moist certainly paid, have I got a deal on some traitor cards for you.

Oops. Never mind. Somebody already beat me to it.

But if buyer’s remorse does come a knocking, and you find yourself asking; “if I’m dissatisfied with my so-called purchase, at least I still have the opportunity to get all of my money back, right?”, well, get ready to understand that you’re dealing with a man who once he gets a grip on your money, (or anyone’s for that matter) the only way that you’ll ever see it again, is when he brags about what he just bought with it:

In fact, the company that lunched this venture, known only as NFT INT LCC, supposedly operates out of Delaware, but the physical address of said company, is linked to a PO Box in a Utah-based UPS store. I’m sure that’s not an indicator of shadiness or anything, regardless of all evidence to the contrary.

Unfortunately for Trump, his seemingly money-laundering NFT shell company, and whomever he hired to craft this comically inept and savagely mocked collection, they didn’t use any of that money to buy the usage rights of the images that they digitally manipulated to form this collection of cringe.

Remember when I earlier alluded to Trump’s proclivity for forging a false legacy? I guess old habits die hard, especially when they can be used to make an as always, dishonest buck:

Yup, you read that right. The Ex-President of the United States, supposed billionaire, self-declared “stable genius”, and guy who’s “really really smart”, allegedly created his NFT collection, using unlicensed, copyrighted photos that are rightfully deemed as intellectual property, from companies such as Branded, Scully Sportswear, Men’s Warehouse, Walmart, Amazon, Shutterstock, and even NASA.

You know… low-profile companies that nobody has ever heard of? Man, I don’t know if it’s chutzpah or mental illness that drives Trump to make these asinine power-plays, but either way, the intellectual void that serves as the barometer for his critical thinking, is most definitely out of whack.

However, even when I take into account Trump’s past history of licentious appropriation, I still find myself hard-pressed to believe that he could be that goddamn openly stupid, without some form of tangible evid…..
Oh look, there it is! Right out in the open, for all to see. I guess ’former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was right after all, when he allegedly called Trump a “f**king moron”, because the proof of such, is literally laid out right before us.

Honestly, I’m not sure if we should even be collectively mad at this latest act of blatant act of theft on his part, or far more furious that after decades of practicing graft, Trump hasn’t gotten any better at not getting caught engaging in it. As is the case with many of you, I’ve heard my share of stories about royally screwing oneself, but they’ve always been metaphorical, and not a certified act of willingly doing so with a dildo fashioned from fish hooks and razor blades.

Because if there truly are “hundreds of different cards featuring President Trump”, the odds are equally good that our Mango Maroon, just opened up an entire truckload of legal whoop-ass, on purpose. Tillerson may have said the obvious in concern to charting Trump’s single-digit IQ, but yet, his influence over the GQP’s mindless masses, remains as strong as it ever was…. sort of.

By that, I mean to highlight the current cycle of self-inflected implosion the Conservative movement is seemingly suffering through. Whereas Trump was once unquestionably the Gilded Boy of divisive politics, the ivory tower that he once occupied ever so haughtily, is starting to show some serious foundational cracks.

Other than the Alt-Wrong media pullback earlier descripted above, Trump’s disastrous ploy of backing unqualified, yet loyally sycophantic candidates in their run for office, such as Karl Lake and Hershel Walker, resulted in losses that across the board, were akin to nothing less than the GQP accepting an unexpected group invitation to bathe at Elizabeth Bathory’s house.

Factor in the earlier presented examples of even the most ardent of his cravenly clique feeling free to call out their Emperor for wearing digital clothes, and you can easily understand just why headlines like this, are becoming that much more common, as his abominable appeal interminably wanes:

In fact, a well-known Trump ally, former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, got right to the point describing this feeling of underreported malaise currently afflicting Republicans, when he tweeted; “We were told we’d get tired of winning. But I’m tired of losing. And so are most Republicans,”

And that’s what if took for the GQP to finally start finding Trump considerably distasteful… the losing.

NOT the dereliction of his duty to the American people. NOT the ceaseless whining about losing the 2020 election to non-existent voter fraud, nor the lies he’s continually disseminated regarding it. NOT the boorish vulgarity that he so proudly displayed on the world stage. NOT the incompetence of his administration’s response to the COVID-19 Pandemic. NOT the praising of dictators. NOT the glad tidings given to a pedophile’s procurer.

NOT calling for the unwarranted arrest and prosecution of political enemies. NOT the demand that freedom of the Fourth Estate be chilled. NOT the self-admitted acts of deliberate sexual assault. NOT the stealing of classified documents. NOT the two impeachments, the nepotism, the cronyism, or the graft that sprung unfettered from its insidious installment. And most disturbingly, if not tellingly, NOT THE ATTEMPTED OVERTHROWING of established American democracy, to boot.

When Trump found himself handed his allegorical walking papers, if not his own fat ass, at the end of his four years too long reign, the stench of the GQP’s monstrous malevolency, was finally revealed at the literal doorstep of the People’s house. Make no mistake- the acquisition and maintenance of power over the American citizenry is their actual endgame, and not the betterment of said electorate, in regards to it.

But here’s where some unintentional humor does comes shining through, somewhat. It seems that despite his well-known reputation of being nothing more than a disingenuously conniving dimwit, the one thing that Trump hates most of all, is being regarded as a “loser”. In fact, it’s one of the mango-man-child’s favorite insults to cast against others, but when it’s applied to him?

Well, as it turns out, the Duke of Dipsh***ery doesn’t like that accurate assignation very much. Trump’s incessant requirement to feel that he alone, is the smartest, the most masculine, the most charming, and certifiably, the most important person in whatever room he finds himself in, has undoubtedly crippled him emotionally, if not politically, but as anyone who’s ever observed him for five minutes or less already knows, his Achilles heel has always been his personal hubris.

So, what in overall essence, has changed concerning this?

For the self-alleged man who once infamously said “I win, I win, I always win. In the end I always win”, as if repeating an obvious lie could actually make it come true, the pain that his ego his suffered since his 2020 election loss, must be akin to the numerous indignities that would be rightfully inflicted upon one of his supporters wearing full MAGA gear who had attended a BLM meeting by mistake.

And due in very large part to several embarrassing revelations he wanted kept hidden from the public, ranging from financial to intellectual failures, no matter what he says or does as of late, seems capable of stopping his increasingly disgruntled fan-base, his rapidly distancing themselves former political allies, and both sides of the Mainstream Media, from labeling him [somewhat incorrectly] as yesterday’s old news.

I say “somewhat”, because when you contemplate that Trump possesses a delusional confidence of self that biographer Tim O’Brien once clarified as “Richter scale narcissism”, the only way he’ll ever exit stage left is by force and in handcuffs. Which, if he keeps admitting to the committing of serious crimes via his media interviews and online posts, the reality of such an act occurring, seems more like a forgone conclusion, rather than an ethereal hope.

Time may not tell the story, but Trump seemingly can’t stop doing so, and if there truly is Justice to be meted out, his cup is most certainly, going to be runneth over.

However, let us not repeat the sins of our past, and discount the underlying fibers of fecality that are still intertwined within the fabric of current American politics. While Trump is a source for the majority of what is truly wrong with that institution as it now stands, he’s also a pustulant symptom of the festering rot (on both sides) that has poisoned it ever the last few decades, as well.

As easy as it would be to blame the infestations of fascist fan-girls and Brownshirt-boys on Trump alone, he is not the root cause of these issues entire. The fault as I just noted, is equally borne by both sides of the partisan principality, and while it is true that Conservatives have ratcheted their collective insanity into the metaphorical stratosphere, we on the Liberal side, must also accept that the ones who let them do it, as well as selling them the fuel necessary to do so, was us, and nobody else.

Yeah, I said it. And even more annoying, I actually mean it. Speaking as someone who has walked the path of the Left for quite some time now, I’m sort of done with the communal pearl-clutching and feigned offense at the mere thought that any action we may take collectively for the so-called Greater Good , might negatively impact a particular person, social group, or specialized populace.

NEWSFLASH: all decisions, good or bad, have a negative consequence for someone, and there’s no getting around that. EVER. We as Liberals, need to finally understand that as a rule, we are not dealing with opposition fluent in the language of Logic, Humanity, or Reality, any longer. If anything, our asinine adversaries have proudly revealed nothing but a virulent contempt for the same, and this, to a disturbing degree previously unforeseen within this country.

Strange as it may sound, whenever I run into one of these intellectually bereft boneheads, all I can think of is the “recruitment” speech given by Blazing Saddles villain, Hedley Lamarr:  “I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.”

Minus the Mexican bandits, (for obvious reasons) this list of the socially deplorable not only reads as if it were taking attendance at a Trump rally, it also seems like it could represent a fairly accurate rendering of just whom the GQP is looking forward to backing in the upcoming 2024 elections, as well.  

Make no mistake- our foes, such as they are, have declared war on all that they despise, fear, or willingly fail to understand or are unable to control, and if the pathetically tragic events of J6 have taught us anything at all, it’s that the odious opposition we face is more than willing to go the extra mile regardless of personal consequence, to achieve their abominable agenda. And if you need proof of this, just check out these charmingly not-mentally-ill-at-all posts from Trump’s cadre of loyal MAGAts:

He seems really nice, doesn’t he? Man, if this is the best that the ghosts of our Founding Fathers can produce, I’m pretty sure we could win the allegorical battle just by asking them as a collective, to structure a paragraph correctly. As a rule, I, wouldn’t normally call myself a “Grammar NAZI”, due to the negative connotations attached to both that descriptive as well as my last name, but in reference to these clods, I’d be more than happy to go full literary Bradenburger on them as a group, if the need ever arose.

Speaking of which, this next member of Meal Team Six, has some definitive ideas about what he would do, if given the chance, and it’s a humdinger of a time, let me tell you:

I’m no legal scholar, but I particularly like the part where he defines the “Enemies of the Constitution”, right before he arrogantly declares that the “Geneva Rules” would be suspended, in order for his masturbatory militia fantasy to be be enacted against those that he alone, would deem as undesirable to his country:

Unfortunately for my honorary commander of the Gravy Seals here, he got the most important thing incorrect. First off, it’s not the “Geneva Rules”, that would find themselves deferred, but the “Geneva Conventions”, which requires humane treatment for all persons in enemy hands, without discrimination. It specifically prohibits murder, mutilation, torture, the taking of hostages, unfair trial, and cruel, humiliating and degrading treatment. It requires that the wounded, sick and shipwrecked be collected and cared for, as well.

And no Greg, you don’t get to choose any of how that works out, save for the times when you’re pleasuring yourself to the idea of it, as suspending such protections, is tantamount to committing a war crime. Not to mention, the correct word choice here Greg, should have been “met with a fury”, and not “meet’, you absolute f**king MAGAt moron.

Tell you what, my camo and ammo enthusiast, if you think your collection of piddling pop guns, field rations, and pristine collection of “I Bleed Red White and Blue” bumper stickers, can take on the full might of the applied armed forces of America, please feel free to f**k around and find out. I could use the free entertainment, and our collective gene pool would appreciate the upgrade gifted it, by your removal from it.

But not all of the seemingly mentally-ill that comprise the MAGA faithful such as the two above, are violence-projecting idiots, thank goodness. Some are just so far off the mark from established Reality, that your first instinct as an actually functioning human, is to give them a hug and a pat on the head, wrap them in a blanket, and make them a bowl oi tomato soup:

There used to be a rather famous dance called the “Lindy Hop”, with its heyday lasting from the 1930’s until its eventual peak in the early 1940s. It is characterized by fast rotations, swing outs, and high-energy footwork, and while I have no evidence that Lindy here has ever engaged in it, I would dare suggest that if she has, she’s landed on her head instead of her feet… a lot.

“Who is Donald J. Trump?”, her meme asks. Easy answer, Lindy.

He’s the trust fund mango-man-child who, through the provenance of lucky timing and a voting power-base of slavish morons, became the 45th President if the United States of America- a position that he abused beyond the pale to acquire fraudulent wealth and undeserved power, while simultaneously embarrassing himself, this country, and the office itself.

He’s the nepotist who selected his unqualified family to administrative positions, he’s the only President to be twice-impeached, he’s the White Supremacist fan-favorite, who called Neo-Nazi’s “very fine people”, he’s the bigot who executed a ‘Muslim travel ban, he’s the tax cheat who refused to release his tax returns, the first time in four decades that a President has declined to do so, and he’s the narcissist that lied about his inauguration and rally crowd sizes.

Continuing on, he’s the brute who suggested to police officers to maltreat suspects, and he’s the science-denying jackass who withdrew from the Paris Agreement on climate change, he’s also the shortsighted sh**head who cut a pandemic early warning program, just two months before the COVID-19 pandemic occurred, he’s the Islamophobe who retweeted anti-Islam videos from a racist organization based in England, and he’s the xenophobe who referred to Haiti and El Salvador as “sh**hole countries*.

On top of all that, he’s known as the spoiled brat who labeled Democrats as being guilty of “treason” for not applauding his 2018 State of the Union address, and he’s the tone-deaf twat who blamed the FBI for nit preventing the Parkland school shooter, citing their investigation of him as a major cause, as well as being the publicity-seeking coward who ordered the pepper-spraying if BLM activists, just so he could pose with a holy book he’s never read, in front of a religious institution that he never visits.

Not to mention, he is in addition, the vaccine conspiracy disseminator who tried to take credit for the vaccine, he’s the whiner who launched a ‘voter fraud hotline’ that had to be discontinued after pranksters swamped it with bogus reports, he’s the joke of a President, who walked out of a ceremony honoring Dan Gable, who was being awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom without explanation, which might have been due to the revelation that he once publicly uttered, about wanting to give himself the same honor.

But lastly, and most importantly, he’s the traitorous slug who stole classified documents, and fomented an attempted insurrection after he lost his 2020 re-election bid, leaving his riotous followers to rot in prison, while he skipped away with their money in his pockets, and their love for him still puzzlingly intact.

That’s who he is, Lindy. Glad I could clarify that for you.

These slight never to be considered aggravations for his devotees aside, Lindy’s meme seems almost quaint in light of what her fellow idiots are posting these days. Some for instance, are just so goddamn stupid and delusional, that you can only wonder just how the people responsible fir their creation, have managed to make toast for all these years without fatally injuring themselves in the process of doing so.

If you’ve ever pondered just why Preparation H still needs usage instructions, here’s your answer:

When I was younger, it was rumored that there was a specifically naughty film wherein a woman who was also named Debbie, supposedly “did” Dallas, but I wasn’t aware that they had made a recent sequel where an entirely different Debbie, did “Dumb”. JFC, I’ve heard of the Blind leading the Blind, but I always assumed it was referring to Stevie Wonder hosting a charity sing-a-long, and not Helen Keller giving a guided tour through a Cambodian minefield.

I like how Debbie No-wits-ki here, accuses the “Dems and RINO’s” of violating the Constitution for daring to hold Trump accountable for his numerous acts of dereliction of duty, as well as alleged treason, while deliberately ignoring the same. Toss in her conveniently forgetting that just a short time ago, (and as I described earlier) it was Trump who openly called for the abolishment of the Constitution entire, and you can easily see why the interior spaces of Debbie’s house, purposely have no sharp corners.

Debbie has some other rather interesting takes on Trump’s “actual” situation , one of which I will be sharing later on, but as as you might have surmised by now, the lunacy of his most die-hard adherents, despite finding themselves somewhat diminished on the national stage these days, still clings to the bones of certain individuals, as it were the very marrow encased within them.

Such is the case with this sparking example of mental obesity, one James Oscar Holmes of Woodbridge, VA- seen here, working on his “Spock has Stage 4 Alzheimer’s” makeup for 2022’s Star Trek Las Vegas Convention:

So, how did this obvious eyebrow caterpillar aficionado of unique intellect, wind up on my ever so faithful radar? It’s simple, really. As it is with most of the alleged humans I so caustically chronicle, all he had to do, was post something mind-bogglingly stupid, and the Universe stepped in to guide my hand. You’d be amazed how often that happens, and yet… people are always genuinely surprised.

For the record, this is what initially got my attention, a brainless beauty that truly, has it all:

As an affirmed and happily open atheist, I find the concept of slavish worship to a supposed deity, other than that which should be naturally and willingly accorded to Milla Jovovich or Debbie harry, somewhat mystifying.in both its practice, if not the rationalizations given for doing so. But even from my logically sound perch as a non-believer, I know that this statement is all the shades of f**ked up.

If there are any fans of the Celestial among you out there reading this, let me assure you from the comfort of my ironic tower, that abandoning your magically-thinking-based faux faith centered around a virtuously pure divinity, is NOT “tantamount” [correct spelling] to cutting foundational ties with a lying, grafting, whore-mongering, conspiracy-theory promoting, treasonous demagogue, who’s not only a self-admitted rapist, but possibly harboring some pedophilic tendencies, as well.

Even if he and his cult of cucks do regard him as a Deity, which when given Trump’s sociopathic propensities, for delusionally undeserved self-aggrandizement, may be the only thing that he and the mythical “God”, have in common. But lest ye forget, my child of dubious faith, not supporting the walking affront to all that God commands, makes you the heathen here, not the man-pig who wallows in it, as if it were dime-store-bronzer that makes him appear as if he were a deep-fried bottle of Orange Crush.

As for the rest of Holmes’s bizarre word-association game wherein he equates sex changes with of all things, inflation- all I can offer in regards to that, is the wonderment if he’s been sadly confusing his necessary psychotropic meds for his eyebrow hair-dye, yet again. But to his credit, Holmes does know the top priority that all GQP politicians should ascribe to accomplish while in office, and as you’d suppose coming from this odious octogenarian, it’s as vilely insane as his take on religious faith is:

Ah yes, the “Anti-Americans”. The ancestral enemy of all Presidents who find themselves unreasonably held to account for an act of treason that’s barely worth mentioning, much less investigating, just because they attempted to overthrow established democracy via an insurrection based on debunked lies. And if there’s one thing that’s been proven to set these law-abiding interfering bastards straight, it’s additional threats to their safety, lives, and liberty.

I’m sure that’ll work like a charm

And as a logically-based aside James, if Trump hasn’t, or hadn’t done anything wrong, then “They” wouldn’t be able to cause him any actual trouble whatsoever. In fact, by attempting to do so, they’d only wind up increasing his political capital, rather than diminishing it. Seems to me, the only people who are “SCARED” outside of the mango-man-child himself, are his asinine adherents such as yourself, and whomever has to eventually represent him in court.

But Holmes, like most rabid dogs with a desiccated bone, just can’t let “it” go:

Statements like this, where Cult 45 members prophesize that “justice” will be harshly meted out to all who dared oppose the whims of their Tangerine-Tinted Gilded Calf, are both unilaterally hilarious and unsettling, across the board. Hilarious, because the persons moist responsible for espousing it, are either so old that they belch dust, or so morbidly obese, that the only way they could ever the room of retribution, is if they greased up the sides of the doorframe first. 

And unsettling, because they’re not the only ones spearheading this maniacal frame of mind, as clearly evidenced by the events of J6. If we’re going to “ruminate” on anything, the farcical idea that a group of faux patriots lining us up against the wall dispensing vigilante justice, isn’t what we should be worrying about- the fact that they think that they’ll be able to do so with impunity, is.

Let’s call it as it is- anyone who equates a political party being ruled by the mythical forces of the darkly demonic, isn’t expressing a difference of opinion, they’re articulating a festering bouillabaisse of a possible mental illness, if not a psychotic break from established reality.

However, the truly terrifying part of it all, is not just that they believe their own delusions, but that they’re seemingly recruiting to fatten up their ranks by offering their fellow mentally deficient brethren, the validity they seek for the imagined transgressions that they feel they’ve been unjustly subjected to:

As you may have observed, the ignorant refrain that Trump has been unreasonably accused by a cabal of cravenly conspirators, is key to the virulent hatred that’s ever so necessary to fueling the MAGA community’s sense of desired and highly-placed relevance within a society that without their unhinged screeching and numerous acts of inane idol-worship, wouldn’t pay them any mind at all.

What I do find odd though about Holmes unhinged utterances, outside of his bizarre capitalizing of words that don’t require it, even as a literary “punch” point, is the incessant reiteration that Trump’s primary purpose as president, is to serve as an instrument of Alt-Wrong retribution, and nothing else. That’s not a President intent on carrying out the collective Will of the People, boys and girls, that’s a fascist, intent on insulating himself from both societal reproach and legal consequence.

Rest assured that Holmes, as well as the others of odious distinction residing within his fanatical fraternity, are well aware of that. He, as well as they, have just erroneously chosen to place faith in the naive construct that slavish loyalty breeds unconditional protection, despite the fact that the entire known range of History itself, easily proves otherwise.

Stalin had purges, Hitler had the Night of the Long Knives, Mao had the Cultural Revolution, Saddam Hussein, the Comrades Massacre, but Trump? He’s actually done one better than all of those wannabes, for he’s managed to weaponize his cadre of MAGAts into a denomination of disciples who, even after he openly abandoned them on J6 to the American judicial system, still maintain that he’s looking out for them to this very day, despite all blatantly obvious evidence to the contrary.

And for all their talk about “Making America Great Again”, let’s see how they really feel about America: itself:I could quite easily point out that these faux patriots long for an America that’s never existed outside of a Norman Rockwell calendar or a TBN movie, but I’d also have to acknowledge that St. John here, might actually be on to something, albeit from a different direction.

Considering that America is now a widely diverse country with women and the descendants of slaves in a varying range of authoritative roles, and that land ownership is no longer a requirement (or a barrier) to power acquisition, they’d probably not be fans of it, overall.

There would be exceptions of course, as a few of the FF would be totally onboard with some of the commonalities of today, but when you take into account the collective experience of the time frame, they existed in being applied to the standards of today, the majority of them would still find themselves either terribly confused, or possibly even downright terrified.

The contextual underlayment of this meme, as it is with the wider range of Conservative “arguments”, is a false analogy at its best, and it simply doesn’t wash out in the end. I’m fairly confident that if the FF had the ability to time-travel, they’d be mutually horrified at the issues of veteran and elderly neglect, the abominable failure to eradicate childhood poverty and adequately fund access to public education, as well as the clearly defined elitism that has yet to be nullified, in regards to our current justice system.

And I can assure you that as the very archetype of American Patriotism, they’d be repulsed by not only the modern-day GQP for ignoring and worsening these domestic matters so proudly, but by their willing adherence to obey and slavishly promote, the whims of what has turned out to be, the closest analogy to that of a truly mad king that this Republic has ever been witness to, since its founding.

Noble, these cravenly cultists are not, but as they see it, they are nothing less than Warriors of Virtue:

“ULTRA MAGA”: when you need to advertise that your family tree resembles a replacement lead for a mechanical pencil, but don’t know how to do so with the effectiveness required.

I get the communism reference, as the modern-day GQP still believes that word carries some weight, in 2023, but the addition of “Satan” as a credible foe, reveals just how far down the rabbit-hole that they’ve willingly gone. Can you just imagine if Ronald Reagan, Bush Sr., or even the dumbf**k that is Bush Jr. ,had started off expounding on the evils of communism, and then ended on Satan as a wrap-up??

Both sides of the political partisan fence would have lost their goddamn minds, and said leader who uttered such insanity, would have lost not only their previously settled reputation, but their grasp on political power as well. I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll have to say lt again: MAGA IS A CULT, AND NOT A TRUE POLITICAL MOVEMENT.

The differences being, that political movements evolve (or devolve) over time, their leaders as well as their original base of supporters, come and go, and eventually if all goes to plan, they find themselves normalized into whatever is considered to be the “mainstream” at that particular time. MAGA is so not that, as all of it’s energy goes into feeding (and protecting) the voracious ego of a narcissistic human airhorn, and that’s it.

MAGA has no theoretical policies to help the average American, save for trying to convince them that Billionaires are the real victims of the US Tax Code, and need even far more financial absolution. No self-reflecting insights regarding the true reason why an allegiance to Religion is on the decline in America, save for demonizing the LGBTQ Community as being the root cause for it all.

No solution to cease the ongoing pandemic of mass shootings in this country’s schools and public spaces either, except to suggest that they need to be fortified as if Thanos himself, was set to attack them.

No proposals concerning childhood poverty, affordable healthcare, the funding of public education or other such crucial societal infrastructure, and let’s not forget, their willing indifference in regards to certifying the allegorical safety nets provided by federal aid programs for both our deserving veterans ,and the sadly disadvantaged among us. However, don’t you fret, my Children of the Scorned, because these insurrection and treason embracing cultists, have got buckets of “REVENGE” just waiting in store for their “enemies”, be they real or imagined.

Nevertheless, while this may not solidify anything of note, save for their “I’m a Militia” fever-dreams, it will undoubtedly help boost the sales of guns, MAGA-themed birthday cakes,(with white frosting, of course) Chick-fil-A curly fries, Kid Rock and Ted Nugent Cd’s, and most certainly, the bottom line of whomever it is that makes those white robes with the complimentary 3 AM front-lawn BBQ starter set, for the KKK.

See? I can, every now and then, highlight the positive, even if it’s intrinsically linked with that which is negative. And surprisingly, albeit to a limited degree, so can our anti-American MAGA adversaries, as this post attests:

Now, on the surface, this morass of mentally stunted gobbledygook may appear insane, and it most certainly is, but there’s also a great deal of common ground to be found here as well, if only we look at it this way: all of these conspiracy theories displayed within this mess of a meme, are also the things that we find maddening as well, but in reverse stead.

After all, this listing of conspiracies that these MAGAts perceive as the “truth”, are the truths that we know to be conspiracies. If my inherent sense of optimum was cynicism free, I’d say that we were halfway to possibly reaching an understanding, if only from a certain point of view.

The truly ironic thing about this meme however, is that depending on your political leanings, is the quirk that its message could literally work for either side, despite its originator being a staunch conservative who allegedly, views Trumpism as nothing less than the Second Coming.

As I said, common ground. Perhaps.

The problem nevertheless, is the reality that for the last twenty years these simpletons have ingested a diet of puerile propaganda that over time, has slowly altered their brains to the point that while they still have the ability to absorb knowledge, they lack the capacity to retain any of it that directly challenges their unsupported misbeliefs, or to be franker, their unhinged delusions.

So how can we as a nation overcome this ideological divide, and find ourselves reintegrate with each other once again? In the simplest abstract, we just can’t. Too much allegorical water has gone under the bridge where these treasonous trolls live, and to be fair, some of them have forgone the right to be allowed to walk among us as freely as they once did.

I say this, because my logic regarding such, is sound. If someone had spent close to six years chasing you around your house, trying to bash your head in with your very own fire extinguisher, how willing would you be to let bygones be bygones?  Especially if their only excuse, was that they had been fed blatantly obvious lies that a four-year-old could have sussed out as being pure bulls**t?

Yeah… me neither

Make no mistake; it took us decades to find ourselves here, but it will take us far longer to get out from under the weighty stench of it all. The damage willingly allowed by both political parties, albeit with some marginal resistance within their ranks, is a real-life episode of an American Horror Story that will be dissected with derisive disbelief for a far longer time then the deprogramming it will take to leach its insidious influence from those most affected by it, and those various others that they’ve inflicted it upon.

The ideological adherence to the false belief that they’re being subjected to unwarranted victimization, is nothing new whereas the modern-day Conservative movement is concerned, but it’s gone from being a cravenly gambit occasionally played, but now, serves as the Alt-Wrong’s paranoid war cry for not only the highly susceptible and ill-informed among their inane ilk,, but their de facto leader as well:

This narcissiically characteristic claim to being the protector of all under his gaze, despite his penchant for throwing people under the bus as soon as they prove useless to him, came mere hours after Trump found himself impeached for abuse of power, just before he found himself additionally saddled with a second article of impeachment, charging him with obstruction of Congress.

Ironically, Twitter wound up taking down the image, after receiving a copyright complaint from the New York Times, who as it stands, retains the rights to said photo. In a way, this is par for the course for America’s tangerine-tinted-taint: claim the superiority of your position, and then immediately undermine your falsely believed validity, by doing something that proves you’re dumber than drunken sand.

For the record, if not the sake of posterity, Trump is not “in the way” of anything, except perhaps, the restoring of this country’s soul, which he gleefully ripped asunder to serve his own egocentrically licentious self-interest.

And as for his claim that “they’re after you”” No, “they” are not. In fact, they could care less about you, save for when you’re at6tempting to overthrow democracy at the behest of an asinine apostate, who, as he’s shown time and time again, wouldn’t condescend to piss on you, if you were to be set aflame in his presence.

Not only does he want to watch the world burn, he’s more than happy to use you as the kindling to do it.

So, here are your choices, MAGAts- you can either hop back on board the reality bus, earnestly atone for the numerous and odious transgressions inflicted upon this county, your neighbors, your family, your friends, and most importantly: yourself.

And only then, can you endeavor to rid your psyche of the parasitic conspiracy theories, racism, misogyny, xenophobia, anti-LBGTQ hysteria, which you’ve been ever so eager to propagate as if it were oasis’s in the desert. Or you can remain as you are: paranoid, oblivious, cravenly, hateful, and in the end, the cluelessly inadvertent villain of your own story.

A fate, which if you’ve ever read a fairy-tale book all the way through, rarely works out well in the end.

 

“My optimism wears heavy boots, and is loud.” – Henry Rollins


Dope Springs Infernal Pt.3 (A Hate Worse Than Debt.)


“Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another” 
– Homer

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

How do we find ourselves today? I for one, find myself patently waiting on a truckload of data relating to a relatively recent chemical spill out here on the outskirts of my bucolic burg so that I can write about it, and until it arrives, the best I can do, is twiddle my thumbs as I stare deeply into the void of eternal human suffering, as we all tend to do from time to time.

Seriously HULU… get your shit together, put it in your shit backpack, and start airing the new season of “Rick and Morty” already. I’m literally losing my mind over here, and I’m a hair’s breadth away from starting to pick up yet another pointless self-involved hobby, which mythical Lord knows, I really shouldn’t do:

So, what pray tell, is a truly bored Artbitch to do?

Sure, I could use this down time to learn a new skill, work on my forever-coming-along book project, or perhaps even perfect my classic Ding Dongs and frozen anchovy pizza salad recipe, but why do all that, when I can just as easily, reach deep into my allegorical storage closet of human scratching posts to amuse myself before the world of community-based environmentalism demands my full attention?

Now, if I were truly lazy, I could craft a half-hearted kind of snarky pastiche, or perhaps even a “Where Are They Now? “ sort of homage, but here at the ol’ Lair of Snarkitude, we’re innovators, not imitators, and we take pride in bringing the new, the interesting, and most definitively, the ignorant, to the readers that I so appreciate.

In the past, I’ve introduced you all to a wide array of bigots, false Christians, conspiracy-theory adherents, treason-supporting Trumpists, homophobic haranguers, and cravenly dullards, whom could be best charitably described as being “short-bus special”, but as a rule, these abominable flaws of character were distributed evenly across the spectrum of the personalities I’ve familiarized for you, and never singularly amalgamated in to the walking urinal cake of a demagogue, that today’s screed subject so proudly presents themselves to be.

To be fair though, it would be akin to my spitting in the face of the Writing Gods, if I were to ever dissuade myself from utilizing the never-ending resource that is the intellectual density of one James Ray Spring of Oklahoma City< Oklahoma, and as someone who appreciates both an easy journey, if not a free meal at the end of it, I would never do that, even on the worst of my days.

I may not be Kurt Vonnegut, but I’m also quite certainly, not the epitome of *Kilgore Trout, either.
*[Kilgore Trout is a fictional character created by author Kurt Vonnegut. In Vonnegut’s work, Trout is a notably unsuccessful author of paperback science fiction novels.]

I’ve been running you through the truly warped world-view of Spring’s densely dystopian mind-set over the course of my last two screeds, and while I was (weirdly) looking forward to turning my back on his mentally toxic sludge to write about the physicality of actual toxic sludge, I find myself on his doorstep yet again, due to the ironic lack of data for one tale, and the overabundance of it, for another.   

To put it in a way that’s easy to understand, here’s the current stats on my personal research file comprised solely of Spring’s racist, homophobic, misogynistic, transphobic, conspiracy and hate-laden, willingly uninformed, social media postings:

Keep in mind, that the next best contender that I have on my list of Conservative inanity, has a personal best of 175 images in total, which hardly qualifies as a pittance where Spring’s puerile productivity is concerned. And I might add, that’s a compilation that was accrued over the course of close to three years, whereas Spring’s, was acquired in less than four months.

And doing so, using a culling process that took less time to achieve than the stint I’d normally spend on making toast. I say “took” because as of this moment, Spring, ever the technological wizard, ultimately figured out that there was a “blocking” feature on Facebook, and he finally used it… close to three weeks after he was informed of its existence… by ME:

Granted, while I don’t fathom the comparison to a mentally-ill gay transvestite, as it’s based on Spring and his hetero boyfriends misunderstanding of the corresponding sub-cultures, I do love just how equally causeless his BFF is about how social media and their respective platforms work, as well.

Along those lines, I just had to include this ironic self-own that Spring once posted regarding what he perceives as an intellectual win, but I’m sure that since he blocked me, versus the other way around, there’s no way this distinction could ever be applied in reverse, I’m sure:

And I’m not gonna lie here, the honor of being labeled as an entity who is nothing less than “Satanic” is always an ego boost as well, because as someone who always tries to bring his best work to the allegorical table when he’s utilizing the machinations of purest evil for the Greater Good, honest compliments are always truly appreciated, if not ultimately expected.

There’s an old saying that a person is the one true “gift that keeps on giving”, and to a limited extent, this assertion is somewhat accurate, but in regards to Spring’s voluminous output of sheer inanity, ideological vileness, and willingly ignorant paranoia, I’d opine that he’s the closest thing that I’ve ever seen to a human representation of the Giving Tree, if such had been scripted by the poet emeritus of Stormfront.

I’m kidding of course, about the Stormfront reference, as I’m sure Spring’s Native American heritage would make him ineligible for full membership, but I’d equally suspect that they’d also be quite appreciative of the work he’s been inadvertently doing oh their cause’s behalf, nevertheless.

This is not to say, or even subtly suggest, that Spring harbors any deep-rooted White supremacist views, but given his past revelations of self as evidenced by his online postings, he is without a doubt, sharing some communal space on their observational sun-deck:To note, my Moron of Militia-ocrity, the reason why it’s NOT classified as an “invasion”, is based on several validated differences twixt these two disparate analogies, some of which are obvious, and others that given the leeway of both time and experience, will most certainly reveal themselves, later on down the allegorical road, as it were.

Starting off, the migrants coming to this country seeking asylum and the promise of a far better life, unlike the Russians attempting to seize Ukraine, aren’t arriving in armored divisions equipped to the eyeballs with military-grade weaponry slaughtering the resistant citizenry, and as an added bonus, generally aren’t blowing up schools, churches, and hospitals, to boot.

But as that’s just off the top of my head, I’m fairly confident that my listing defining their respective variances, may be somewhat incomplete. However, like most jingoistic jackals, Spring isn’t going to let a sacrificial lamb wriggle out of his slime-dripping maw, due to the inconvenience of established reality- no siree, Bob. If anything, he’s just going to double down, and engage in what Neocons do better than anybody else; blaming the downtrodden for wanting to be free of their burdens:

Is it just me, or has anybody else noticed that Jimmy’s cultural references are as outdated as his repulsive assertions? Granted, I wouldn’t use the modern-day take on the Riddler, as inexcusably played by Jim Carrey to modernize this meme, but I’d also point out that even Frank Gorshin’s take on the character from the 60’s Batman TV show, would never say anything so abominably bigoted to begin with.

I get it Jimmy- due to your paranoid idiocy, you feel a compulsion to deliberately mar every interaction you have with your fellow human beings, but do you have to f**k up the timeless joy associated with POP culture too?

My guess would be “yes”.

Nevertheless, our bigot of the hour did raise a question, asinine and hateful as it is, and because I believe in tacking the issue of racism and its flag-bearers head on, I’ll be more than happy to answer it in a way that Spring can hopefully understand, and if such a thing is still possible- learn a lesson from.

Normally, when dealing with someone of Spring’s limited intellect and emotional maturity, this would be the part where I break out the hand-puppets and/or the flash-cards, but as this screed is of a far more literary construction, rather than the one grounding live theatre, I’ll muddle through as best I can.

Well, the answer is simple, if not somewhat and culturally complicated, all at once. As Spring is of Native American descent, his inherent distrust of immigrants does make sense in the grand abstract, and I will give him that, albeit to a rational point.

As a person of German ancestry, I very rarely drop my last name inside the confines of an orthodox Jewish deli, if you know what I mean, and given just how much I appreciate the joy of a good Reuben, I’m sure you can understand why I don’t.

But as I noted in my last screed, Spring’s immigrant-based-bigotry isn’t universally spread across the rainbow of what he might perceive as cultural interlopers, as you might expect from a native son of the Earth- it’s focused solely on the chromatic pond that he himself stems from: that of the obviously non-Caucasian.

As I’ve catalogued previously, if Spring had any form of grave issue with the Aryan side of things, I’d totally get it 100%. But his (somewhat) fellow indigenous persons? Seriously, Dude… what in the hell is that about? And then, you dare question their “contribution” to what you wrongly and ever so arrogantly, imply is “your” country alone?

America was founded on immigration, you dickish dolt, and it achieved its greatness through the strength of its diversity, and due to such humble beginnings, remains the beacon to countries worldwide as a place where any man (or woman) can become more than they originally were- quite literally, “The American Dream”, and you think that the responsibility of its dissemination, should be placed solely within the hateful hands of bigots like yourself?

Thank mythical God that it’s not, and hopefully, never will be. But the question of; “How do Immigrants strengthen our country, but not their own?” still remains unanswered, so here’s my take, such as it is.

Starting us off, we have the immeasurable labor resource pool that keeps the American agriculture, resort/hotel, and restaurant industries humming along, along with the edifying contributions to our food culture, as well. I won’t speak for you of course, but personally, I’m totally fine with a food truck on every corner in this country, especially if they’re competing against one another

It was once said that; “Nothing brings out the best in a person, quite like a singular challenge”, and the day somebody comes along and invents fusion Greek-Indian-Mexican cuisine that can be deep-fired and served inside a pita, that will be the day this country finally achieves its true potential for awesomeness.

Not to mention, immigrants are also the number one developers of small businesses in this country as a rule, so feel free to take your demonization of such industrious persons Jimmy, and shove it where you once buried your humanity. I could also point out to my wannabe White warrior here, that most people who helped build the foundations of this country were “illegal” as well, (more so at one point) but why do that, as Spring would only find a way, as he always does, to ignore it?

Food and entrepreneurship aside, the benefaction to our country’s artistic, literary, and cinematic communities can also not be overlooked, and I have to wonder just how many of these in-tandem activities Spring happily partakes of, as he obliviously spews his revoltingly ignorant xenophobia to the world entire. As for Spring’s racist jibe querying as to why “they” can help us out, but not their own, the answer to that, is also quite simple- the distribution and application of accrued power.

Whether the disadvantage being faced is financial, political, terroristic, or educational, the majority of refugees who come here aren’t fleeing their homelands seeking the “Free”, as Spring and his conservative ilk would have us believe, but are instead, questing search for the Freedom of a possible future seemingly unachievable within the places of their birth, due to the insurmountable challenges involved.

Unsurprisingly, Spring deliberately overlooks these contributing factors to the plight of migrants, not because he doesn’t perceive them as true, but because they obviously get in the way of his oft-cited false narratives that he so blatantly and specifically pimps:

I hate to burst your dope bubble, Jimmy Ray, but Terrorists LOVE Trump. They in fact adore him, and quite deeply, it seems. Take for instance, the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, with whom Trump once claimed to have “fallen in love with”, after the duo exchanged personal correspondence, disturbingly described by those in knowledge of their contents as, and I quote; “love letters”.

Urk, I say. URK.

And who among us, can forget the appreciation shown by US frenemy Saudi Arabia, the alleged financiers of 9-11, after Trump not only unconscionably overlooked the revelation that they had brutally murdered a dissident journalist residing in America, and then just as coldly dismembered his corpse, he did so, that he could then facilitate a deal wherein he sold them weapons?

Then there’s also the 2017 state visit from Turkey’s president [dictator] Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, in which Erdoğan’s personal security detail attacked a group of American protesters, sending nine people to local DC hospitals with injuries ranging from concussions to lacerations, an act of aggression to which Trump reacted with nothing but silence.

That may be due to the fact that in a 2015 radio interview broadcast on Breitbart News, then-host, and now convicted criminal Steve Bannon, asked Trump if Turkey was a “reliable partner”, to which Trump bragged; “I have a little conflict of interest ’cause I have a major, major building in Istanbul. It’s a tremendously successful job. It’s called Trump Towers — two towers, instead of one, not the usual one, it’s two.”

Apparently, he needed to clarify that it was two towers, because I guess he assumed (correctly) that moist of his support base doesn’t understand just how the concept of plurality works.

Not to mention, Trump, as he has reputedly done with most of the sociopathic strongmen he’s ever met, has expressed open admiration for the way Erdoğan runs his country, going so far as to say that Erdoğan was, and I quote; “doing a fantastic job for the people of Turkey,” obliviously adding in sometime later, that Erdoğan also had a; “great relationship with the Kurds”, despite the fact that Turkey has publicly deemed the ethnic group as established terrorists.

And whatever you do, don’t even get me started on Trump’s man-crush on Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, the journalist-murdering dictator of Russia, whom Trump obviously tries (and thankfully fails) to emulate, because we will seriously be here all day.

I will say however, that if you’re currently in the market seeking a life-partner, find yourself one that looks at you the way that Vlad Tepid here, is looking at our resident Count of Mostly Crisco:

I don’t care what anyone says- these two were made for each other, and that’s just beautiful.

Irrespectively though, U.S. representative lhan Abdullahi Omar being a woman of devout Muslim faith doesn’t automatically make her a “terrorist” as Spring’s abhorrent meme implies, but it does add to my theorem that at best, he’s nothing more than a misogynistic racist, and a total f**king idiot, at worst.

Proof of this concept, can be found by observing his pattern of repeated attacks centered upon twice-elected US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who, along with other women in positions of political power, Spring erroneously derides as being less than intelligent, due to nothing more than the fact that they possess vaginas he can’t access, and present contradictory opinions that he cannot control.

Imagine that… a Trump supporter, disparaging someone else’s intellectual capability.

The irony. It simply burns, does it not?

But as with all things James Ray Spring, the proof is in the puerile pudding, and if Spring is known for anything, it’s his mythical God-given ability to take what most sane persons would regard as abominable character flaws, and elevate them to a new plateau where his racism, misogyny, and incel-level fear of strong women, comes out to display who he truly is when others aren’t paying attention.  

Has anyone else ever noticed, that when Alt-Wrong Neandertals such as Spring, lunch attacks on female politicians, they never go after their policies and aspects of known character, as a normal person would, but choose instead, to issue pathetically sexist slurs that cannot be supported by verifiable facts?

 I’m sure there’s a good reason for that, and I’m most certain it has nothing to do with the reality that the kind of man who utters such slander, are the same ones who optimistically buy condoms on their way to a family reunion. And even better, is the particular type of man who thinks that it’s still socially acceptable for him to do so, despite all evidence to the contrary:

Dear mythical God, thank you for the bounty of the gift you just bestowed upon me, and to a lesser degree, my readership base. So, Adam Carolla, thinks that AOC “sounds like an idiot”? Well, that’s a damming assertion coming from a community college dropout, who once co-helmed “The Man Show”, a sexist piece of television tripe where women jumping on trampolines, was the main draw of said program.

Carolla’s past employment includes stints as a carpet cleaner, a boxing coach, and a traffic-school instructor, so obviously with such laudable personal achievements under his belt, he’s more than qualified to pass judgment upon a sitting US Representative, who unlike he, actually graduated cum laude from Boston University with a double major in business and economics, and as previously noted, has been duly elected twice to the office she now holds.

 But Carolla does host a podcast where he does his best impression of an untainted Howard Stern, to the amusement of fellow man-tards steeped in AXE body-spray, so that’s almost as impressive, right?

To be fair, the Guiness Book of World Records did certify that his podcast was the most downloaded podcast after receiving 59,574,843 unique downloads from March 2009 to March 16, 2011, breaking the previous record set by The Ricky Gervais Show, but, as most record claimants must pay to have their records recognized, the fact that Gervais’s show, had 5 times more downloads (300M) than Corolla’s claimed record, makes Corolla’s cultural bragging rights somewhat self-servingly disingenuous.

Regardless, the attacks from the Alt-Wrong continue, and one of the more favored false narratives favorited by these inane incels regarding AOC’s intellect, is based off a comment she made during an interview with the news program, 60 Minutes. A comment that was referred to in the second meme posted by Spring, contained within the AOC collage above.

In Spring’s version, AOC is outed as saying that; “It’s more important to be morally right, than factually correct”, with an immediate response by well-known GQP token and hypocrite Thomas Sowell below it, issuing a harsh rebuke, but as is usual with the majority of Spring’s commentary, it’s not entirely accurate:

Now, while the wording of her annotation is similar, its context is noticeably different, when one goes to the original source of it. Only a false Christian Neocon like Spring, would find or take offense at the common logic suggestion that one should always be concerned about the morality of a choice, rather than the phrasing attached to it.

he crazy one here, but aren’t the GQP the self-declared party of “values”, despite the duality of their having seemingly none to offer, while becoming obviously incensed at the mere suggestion of actual ones being possibly introduced? Seriously guys- pick an opinion, and f**king land on it, already.

I’d also like to call attention if I may, to the fact that the very same people labeling AOC as an unintelligent woman, are also the same ones that ostensibly, have zero issue with Marjorie Taylor Greene ranting about “Jewish Space Lasers”, or when Lauren Boebert openly espouses the madness of replacement theory, which falsely claims that powerful “elites” are replacing white people with people of color from other countries.

Nevertheless, it cannot be said that the GQP is incapable of having a Plan “B” when their asinine attacks fail to leave a mark, and in the case of the strong intelligent women that they despise, if they can’t push the outdated sexist trope that the fairer sex is intellectually weaker, they’ll rely on their other favorite proverbial low-hanging fruit, that being the condemnation or mockery of their physical appearance:

To refresh your memory, may I point out that the mango-tinted-man-child-worshipping-man-tard that posted these cravenly sexist absurdities concerning women far smarter, if not far more accomplished than he will ever be, looks like this:

Back the hell off ladies, for this sex-god, resembling the type of guy you’d see lurking around the darkened corners of a woman’s dressing room, is happily taken, and no longer a free agent. I once heard it said that all women in the end, eventually “settles”, but JFC, how far down into the bedrock did Jimmy’s wife have to drill to find this misogynistic dinosaur?

I’ve oft said it before that no person is truly a walking cartoon or an intractable stereotype, but if I were tasked to find the best representation of bumper sticker ideology made flesh traversing this giant ball of granite and space-dust, Spring here, would most certainly be my go-to guy for the achieving of such.

And while his previously revealed flaws of charter are annoying enough, it’s Spring’s contradictory assertions and dictations of proper social etiquette, that I really enjoy:

So, to recap for all you ladies out there, just remember that looks aren’t important, unless of course, you dare to accessorize yourself with accoutrements that buck conventional societal mores. Because as we all know, there’s no advice that women appreciate more than the kind offered up by a septuagenarian misogynist, who is unknown to them.

And as an aside, the inadvertent irony of Spring, whom has quite the history of making bigoted, racist, and sexist remarks concerning persons he does not, or cares not, to know, publicly submitting his … let’s just call it “wisdom” for dissemination, is nothing less than a prime example of misfired arrogant hilarity.

And as an aside, the inadvertent irony of Spring, whom has quite the history of making bigoted, racist, and sexist remarks concerning persons he does not, or cares not, to know, publicly submitting his … let’s just call it “wisdom” for dissemination, is nothing less than a prime example of misfired arrogant hilarity. But as it is to be expected, and despite its inanity, Spring just keeps pushing his inconsistent tripe, nevertheless:

Well, this is a range of emotional opinions, is it not? We go from a solid protocol of respecting women for who they are, to implying that men are failing in their need to be “masculine”, to suggesting that its perfectly acceptable to harm a woman for daring to disagree with you. Yup. What a perfectly rational thought process, given these modern times.

I do wonder however, that when Spring goes out and harvests these moronic memes as a monument to his misogynistic mental mediocrity, does he ever catch the small details within them, like I tend to do? I hate to nitpick, but if I were ever to post a meme regarding to American capitalism that takes place inside a car, I’d endeavor to make sure the car that was depicted, had the steering wheel configuration on the correct side of said car, at least.

And while I do know that Spring’s last meme is intended to be a joke, it’s far more apparent that it’s a subtle confession to confirming his fear of independent women in general, For the record such as it is, I don’t find it funny in the slightest. Violence against women, whether implied or virtual, is not a laughing matter, and the fact that Spring so casually presents it as a punchline, just gives to show that his platitudes advocating for the respect of women, are as morally thin as his intellect.

Seriously Jimmy, that’s just lazy as f**k hate you’re spreading here- bring your “A” game next time. I do find it interesting though in relation to the “masculine” meme, how often Spring, the alleged “straight Christian” circles back around to “men being men”, whatever the hell that means in an age where gender representation is a far more fluid construct than at any other point in our country’s history.

But Spring knows who the real enemy of masculinity and femininity is, and he’s not afraid to announce it to the world entire, along with also proving yet again, exactly just how hatefully ignorant he is:

For the record such as it is, representing oneself as Trans is NOT a mental illness, nor is it anybody else’s business how somebody chooses to present themselves to the public, or what they prefer to be called in regards to the same.

Speaking only for myself, I will say that I have no problem whatsoever using the nomenclature that a person asks for, nor do I carry any modicum of hostile disparagement in concern to their chosen lifestyle, as well. Your life is your life, and my life is my life. Just wash your hands, tip your server, and whatever you do, please don’t take the handicapped parking space if you don’t need it, as I walk with a cane- that’s all that I ask,

Nevertheless, as an aside, I’d also point out that the definition of a mental illness is as such: “Any of a broad range of medical conditions (such as major depression, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, or panic disorder) that are marked primarily by sufficient disorganization of personality, mind, or emotions to impair normal psychological functioning and cause marked distress or disability and that are typically associated with a disruption in normal thinking, feeling, mood, behavior, interpersonal interactions, or daily functioning.

Now, I’m not entirely sure how a psychiatrist would characterize Spring’s consistent talking to a mythical “God”, his unwarrantedly paranoid fear of the LGBTQ Community, his inherent racism and rampant misogyny, and his publicly presenting unquestionable delusions based on conspiracy theories so insane, that even L. Ron Hubbard would give them the cold shoulder, and he’s the loon behind the “church” of Scientology.

With all that empirical data in mind, I would be truly supposed if any head-shrinker worth their salt, would dare suggest anything other than the fact that if there were ever an unwilling but fully deserving tenant who needed to occupy a secured room wallpapered in bubble-wrap for an extended siesta of sorts, Spring would most definitely fit that bill nicely.

Whereas Spring is seemingly concerned however, the merest granting of human dignity to a Transperson is akin to not only giving Satan himself a free reach-around, but topping it off with an act of brain-salad surgery as well.  If you don’t understand my reference, just ask any true Emerson Lake & Palmer fan, for they’ll happily tell you as well. And if you can’t find one of those, you can always ask your mom.

Although, if she does tell you, it will probably be presented wrapped in deeply begrudging regret.

I delved into Spring’s openly willful dislike/distrust/degradation of the LGBTQ community over the course of the last screed in which he was featured, but to be quite honest, I feel like I barely scratched the surface of his homophobia when I did so, for Spring’s near-obsessive fascination with alternative lifestyles, is right up there with my wish to trap George Lucas in an elevator for 30 minutes, so I can yell at him for ruining “Return of the Jedi’ by adding in those damn annoying Ewoks.

What can I say? We all have some strange life goals we’d like to achieve, and there’s no goddamn way in Hell that I will believe that a bunch of waddling dead-eyed, creepy AF, teddy bears armed with only stone-age technology defeated a cadre of Stormtroopers equipped with E-11 Blaster Rifles.

And yes… I WILL fight you on this. Hard.

But just like the unfortunately obsessed Austrian art professor turned NAZI agent Elsa Schneider, in “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade”, Spring can’t leave his Holy Grail of Hatred well enough alone, and he most certainly can’t accept the fact that gender assignation is no longer a construct of an abstract theorem, but a verified aspect of today’s societal certainty.

Nonetheless, Spring, who takes his scientific, societal, and interpersonal cues from a book of Bronze-Age fairy-tales, is steadfast in his determination to showcase the lack of branches on his family tree, and he does so, by openly displaying his ability to miss the obvious point, by misdirecting the conversation to avoid discussing that which is most relevant to gender identity, the mental acceptance of who one truly is, rather than the physical shell which may say otherwise:

Good point, Jimmy! Now if you could, please tell me which of those skeletons was also Gay, Trans, Conservative, Liberal, of a hateful false Christian hypocrite like yourself. And when you’re done establishing that, kindly inform me as to who the Nickelback fans among them were, so that we can call in a young priest and an old driest, to exorcise the demons that they may still carry.

Speaking of carrying abominable things, Spring’s ever-increasing paranoid ignorance as to who Transpeople are and what they truly represent, is only matched by his social illiteracy in being unable to differentiate between the numerous subdivisions that exist in tandem alongside said Trans-culture, as evidenced by this asinine posting, wherein he displays once again, both his intellectual immaturity, if not his single-digit IQ:

First off, I’d like to point out to those who like Spring, cannot discern between paranoiac fantasy and verified reality, that this is not an accurate depiction of persons who are Transgender, but of the uniquely interesting subculture known as “Furries”, instead.

To note; the definition of a Transperson is accepted as thus: “A Transgender person is someone who experiences Gender Dysphoria, a feeling in which their gender identity or expression of such, does not correspond with their biological sex.

This often leads Transgenders to assuage their societal and mental discomfort, by undertaking an allegorical and sometimes literal, physical transitioning, often implementing a different name in lieu of their now “dead” one, as well as espousing a defined set of pronouns as they do.”

But the Furries depicted within Spring’s ill-considered meme however, are a far different lot, and while they may seem slightly more fascinating culturally, they’re definitively not as compelling as the stories of the TG community, in this writer’s humble opinion. But what pray tell, is a Furry you ask/?

Well, according to Wikipedia, a Furry is: “A member of a subculture interested in anthropomorphic animal characters. Examples of anthropomorphic attributes include exhibiting human intelligence and facial expressions, speaking, walking on two legs, and wearing clothes.”

 A descriptive that is best illustrated by the photo below, representing what stereotypically passes as (to some extent) the standard attire for both male and female Furry aficionados alike:

Keeping in mind that I’m really not into this sort of thing, I’d still have to acknowledge that if I was, I would definitely buy that foxy lady a few drinks, unless of course, said Furry and I, could use the same Mach3 razor for the same intended purpose. No offense to the Furry community at large, but if I ever flip teams, it’s going to be for a guy that looks like 1995’s Pierce Brosnan in Goldeneye, and not one who resembles a squirrel.

Sorry / not sorry.

That metaphorical situation aside, Furries are not exclusively Transgender, even if the subculture itself, may tend to have members who actually are. Very much in the same way that knowing a queer person doesn’t make you an immediate expert on the collected works of Barbara Streisand and Cher, being a Transperson, doesn’t automatically make them an immediate member of every societal subculture that you may find deviant, as Spring apparently does.

Nevertheless, while Spring’s preoccupation with the TG facet of the LGBTQ Community borders on the disturbing in and of itself, it’s his continuing obsession with what are known as “Drag Queens”, that truly allows his wretched homophobia to take center stage.

For the uninitiated, a drag queen is [characteristically] a gay male, although some queens self-identify as either transgender or curiously enough, as cisgender. Drag queens assume both a female persona and their gender-specific clothing in order to perform routines, which stereotypically, could be classified as “over -the-top”.

While their chosen art and lifestyle was once relegated to the allegorical backrooms of most entertainment venues, there has been a growing societal acceptance of the DQ subculture over the last few years, thanks to well-known Queens such as RuPaul and Bianca Del Rio, and it is yet another thing that Spring, ever the eternal bigot and intellectual void, cannot simply abide:

And there it is, the bullspit gambit that is the “Protect the Children” narrative, foisted upon society by the very same people who in their quest to protect said children, have deliberately cut their social benefits, underfunded their public schools, demonized their single mothers and working-class parents, and whom have also done nothing of note to stop the epidemic of mass shootings in their schools, but I digress.

The callousness displayed towards DQ’s is founded upon the incessant need that Conservatives have to degradate that which in their hive mindset, they have determined to be the “Other”- a faceless and soulless entity that exists only to be mocked and reviled, by persons who desire a perpetual scapegoat to blame the ills of the world on, be they real or fantastical.

And as you may have foreseen, Spring, a man who sees everyone he doesn’t care to understand as adversaries, is only too happy to get on the hate wagon, and wave his pious pitchfork in protest:

Jesus F Christ, Jimmy. It’s one thing to have an opinion on a non-issue, asinine as it is, but for a refreshing change, could you just once, base yours off the bedrock of actually defined reality? F**k dude, I’ve got lawn furniture that’s smarter than you, and that s**t came from Walmart.

In order of Spring’s stupidity, no teacher anywhere, is “fighting’ to keep drag queens in schools, and the reason why the Bible isn’t allowed as part of the curriculum in public schools, is because we live in a constitutional republic and NOT a goddamn theocracy.

And no, kids don’t need parents reading them passages from within a book that describes numerous acts of murder, rape, sodomy, racism, slavery, misogyny, genocide, and clueless subjugation to a mythical and mercurial, sociopathic deity. If I had kids, I’d rather that “Goodnight Moon” be read to them by the absolutely fabulous Trixie Mattel, rather than your Bronze-Age version of a “Saw” film with angels.

However, it’s that last meme of Spring’s that really sticks in my allegorical craw, as it is equal parts ignorance, bigotry, and outright hypocrisy, which at this point, I’m starting to think is Spring’s personal superpower. To retort, no, it is not “easier” to get a DQ into a school than a Christmas tree, you f**king loon, and quite honestly, having you lecture us all on moral degeneracy, is akin to attending a class on food preparation, hosted by Jeffery Dahmer.

In short order Jimmy Ray, you’re a homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic, misogynistic, racist faux Christian, who not only supports the current GQP platform based on unwarranted fear, conspiracies, and sociopathy, but its de facto leader as well, that being a man who openly spews falsehoods, cheats on his spouse, steals government secrets, attempts insurrection, and brags about the women he’s sexually assaulted, as if he were talking about the items on his bucket list.

So maybe just maybe, when it comes to your sanctimonious sermonizing upon that which is good or evil, perhaps you  should, I don’t know… sit this one right the f**k out? But as it is with all curs politically rabid, Spring isn’t about to let a good bone go unmolested, even if he has to add a vile context to it that on no level, actually exists:

Save the Children” say the very same people who cut welfare programs that feed and house them, purposefully underfund the public schools that educate them, as they refuse to enact reasonable gun control to stop mass school shootings within said schools, while banning and burning the books that should be inside them, and who demand that the pregnant children of rape and incest, be forced to carry the resultant spawn of such atrocities to full term, but I digress.

As for Spring’s erroneous inference that DQs pose a severe threat to children, I’d counter with the proven fact that when it comes to the carnal orientation of sexual offenders, the ratio of heterosexual to homosexual pedophiles, was calculated to be approximately 11-1. In other words, the kids that Spring professes such fawning concern over, have far more to be worried about from someone like him, rather than anyone like RuPaul.

And in an even far more relevant note, I’d like to point out that while there have been over twenty-five schoolchildren killed this year in mass shooting events, there have been ZERO fatalities resulting from their alleged exposure to a drag queen show. But in concern to Spring’s need to fuel his own paranoia regarding a topic he knows not a thing about, and in all honesty, doesn’t care to, I do have a simple message that he needs to take to heart, and it is thus:

Sad to say though, that as it has been revealed over the last two screeds as well as this one, and as I’ve noted previously, Reality and Spring parted company quite some time ago, and the odds of an amicable reconciliation are probably just as strong as the band formerly known as Oasis, successfully getting through a reunion tour without lead singer Liam Gallagher and his brother Noel, killing one another..  

In other words, the chances are practically nonexistent.

Irrespective of this sad testament to the highly publicized failure of an interpersonal relationship, anyone who dares to willingly dive into Spring’s mentally-deficient psyche, will ultimately realize that they’re treading metaphorical merde in a cesspool overflowing with the vilest character flaws that a human being can present to the world, and even worse, it never sems to empty, regardless of how much logic draws out of it.

When the arrogance of his inanity fails, Spring resorts to intellectually weak personal attacks. When those miss the mark, he then hides behind the shield of his false faith, and when that gambit invariably crushes inward as it always does, he goes straight into the allegorical state of Def-Con 4, and launches the most repulsive and unwarranted of conspiracy theories, in order to maintain the small-dick energy that buttresses his vile ideology:   

For those of you unfamiliar with the context, I’ll explain: in a chilling attack during the early hours of October 27th, 2022, Paul Pelosi, the 82-year-old husband of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D) awoke to find a mentally-disturbed individual by the name of David DePape, standing next to his bed, wielding a hammer, carrying a bundle of Zip ties, and demanding to know exactly where Pelosi’s wife was.

He also was in possession of a roll of tape, a length of white rope, one pair of rubber and cloth gloves, and unless DePape was there to make a pinata out of common household items, his intent seems pretty obvious, especially given the fact that during the encounter, Pelosi suffered a skull fracture and serious injuries to his right arm and hands, but thankfully, is expected to make a full recovery.

According to the San Francisco Police, DePape told officers [allegedly] that “he was going to hold Nancy hostage and talk to her.” And that he would let her go if she were to tell him the “truth,” and if she “lied,” he was going to break “her kneecaps.”, ending his statement to officers with the assertion that “he viewed Nancy as the ‘leader of the pack’ of lies told by the Democratic Party,

He also added that; “I didn’t really want to hurt him, but you know, this was a suicide mission”, which of course, is a statement that points all indicators towards a gay tryst gone askew, rather than a deranged plan of action put in play by a man who is nuttier than a twenty-dollar pecan pie.

DePape is currently facing prison time for attempted homicide, assault with a deadly weapon, elder abuse, and burglary, as well as several federal charges, including one count of assault on an immediate family member of a U.S. official “with the intent to retaliate against the official on account of the performance of official duties,” according to a statement by the Department of justice, along with one count of attempted kidnapping of a federal official, which if combined with the other outstanding charge, could lead to a sentence of no less than five decades.

But feel free to overlook all that, as Spring has willfully done, because in his warped worldview, a horrific attack on an octogenarian who has no political influence save for being the husband of a politico that Spring despises, is irrelevant to the situation that he sees as opportune to score some non-points by disseminating a repulsive rumor, rather than expressing what should be disgust at the event itself.

Spring’s glee at doing so, based on nothing but his inherent lunacy and devotion to a personality cult, is in and of itself, not all that shocking, considering his well-documented false sense of Christianity, along with his seething hatred of those who don’t agree with him, but even I find myself stunned at just how easily he swallowed this Alt-Wrong manufactured bullspit, especially given the fact that most of his mouth is preoccupied with allegorically fellating Trump’s allegedly mediocre mushroom.

To be fair, while Spring’s devotion not to his mythical God, but to a mango-tinted man-child who would turn him into a Soylent Green souffle in a heartbeat if he needed a snack, is at this point rather well-established, this new aspect of personal sadism, concerning a man who has so many sticks up his ass, that he’s been designated a woodland refuge, was not quite the character growth I was expecting to see.

If I may, let, me punch just a few holes in Spring’s Gloat Boat, and then we can gauge just how well it will float, when the ballast of actual Reality is added to it. First, I’d point out that if Pelosi was “notorious’ for both frequenting gay bars and bringing home club-boys, as the meme claims, I can most certainly assure you that the GQP would have weaponized such intel years ago, and Trump would have unquestionably, been in the forefront of using such scandalous information to its fullest political advantage.

And yet… no witnesses have come forward to back up such claims. Not one for-hire rent-boy. Not one club employee, taxi driver, or supposed “neighbor” who observed such activity, either. In addition, there’s no photographs, no videos, be they personal or off a security-cam, and no further proof in the way that only emails, texts, or a record of curiously timed phone calls, would so easily provide.

As for the rest implying that Pelosi and DePape were in a “consensual sexual relationship”, I’d call attention to the fact that not only is there no evidence to bolster such an asinine assertion, but that DePape has a long [and well-documented] history of struggling with the dual demons of mental illness and drug abuse, and according to an ex-girlfriend, once harbored the delusion that he was Jesus, for almost a year.

But yes, it must be a case of a queer relationship gone wrong, versus an obvious occurrence of a mentally fragile man being influenced by the sheer madness of the Alt-Wring ideology, as his friends and family have repeatedly claimed to anyone who would listen. Unfortunately for them, as well as DePape and Pelosi, Spring is as deaf to their declarations, as he is to the siren-call of fact-based Logic.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present one James Ray Spring: Patriot. Native Oklahoman. Proud MAGAt. And as we’ve all just witnessed, one dumber than f**k whacked out conspiracy theorist. And let’s never forget, he’s also a devout self-declared Christian, to boot. I say “self-declared”, because there’s no way in allegorical Hell that this repulsively amalgamated shell of hubris and hate could ever make it past the Golden Gates without reproach.

However, Spring is not above extending the spiritual olive branch as it were, and every now and then, he’ll actually post something positive, if not inspirational:

At first glance, even I would say that I agree with this message, despite the repeatedly displayed cultural abhorrence of the one who delivered it. For after all, it would be nice to find that happy medium yet again where opposing views were met with the politeness of agreeing to disagree, rather than credible threats of violence, or having one’s’ mother compared to being a post-compensated landing strip for itinerant dockworkers.

Granted, such hostility is to be expected given the upheaval of what were once the social norms, but to be fair, it’s kind of difficult to accept the veracity of Spring’s meme, given all the inarguable evidence that his hypocrisy far outweighs his civility. Spring exists in a self-made world of fear, ignorance, and hate, and nothing will ever change that, because as a rule, his world is the only world he’s ever known, and as such, there’s no room or time for acts of transformative self-introspection.

Or so I thought:

Now, if I were a charitable person, I would ascribe this declaration as a measure of noble character growth, but as I’ve been swimming in Spring’s warped psyche for the last few months, I know that this is just another attempt to justify his humanistic and spiritual weaknesses.

is a bigot, a misogynist, a homophobe, a transphobe, a xenophobe, a flaming hypocrite, and an arrogant racist, and I can assure you that if God does indeed exist, Spring better make peace with the fact that he’s going to be spending eternity serving as the coat-check girl in the sixth circle of Hell.

Speaking of which, it seems that Spring is already well in touch with the insidious powers of the Dark, and despite being one of God’s self-declared stalwarts called up to battle the malevolent, decides to merge with them instead, issuing an unwarrn6ted slur aimed at the Trans community- you knew, just like Jesus would do:

Sigh… looks like ol’ Jimmy Ray here, forgot about the passage in the owner’s manual that he’s never read, that being Isaiah 45:7, which states that; “I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I THE LORD DO ALL THESE THINGS” Now, I’ve referenced Isaiah before, but it’s the message of John 4:20 that Spring should probably heed.

You know, when he’s done slandering those he despises, in the name of Christ?

For the uninitiated among you, John 4:20 succinctly covers the transgression that Spring is most guilty of, that the professing of love and devotion for the mythical Lord and his works, but in the reality of the public sphere, displaying nothing but contempt for his fellow man, woman, or Transperson.

From John 4:20: “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” Given all that, I ask you: does this meme posted by Spring, represent a devout Christian following the essence of the Word, or a mindless cultist, following the lead of a political movement long devoid of humanity, charity, tolerance, or common sense?

I’ll leave that assessment up to you:

However, if you find yourself wavering on the razor’s edge, take into your considerations that there’s also this warped presentation of God’s mercy and grace, delivered by a person who quite obviously, has never possessed either quality, and thinks that unbridled vengeance is the far better option for maintaining a civil society:

Let’s draw a comparison here, shall we? I am, and always have been, an ardent supporter of the death penalty, believing that its application should be solely reserved for only the worst of crimes and their perpetrators. And while I am also as equally behind carrying out said sentences far more quickly depending on the jurisdictional issues involved, I don’t take its use lightly, or flippantly.

However, given Spring’s almost sociopathic reaction in relation to women, gays, minorities, and the Trans community asserting their constitutional rights, I get the feeling that in Spring’s version of Utopia, such people would find themselves eliminated on the hour, for the supposed “sin” of daring to live their own lives contradictory to his archaic and asinine beliefs.

But this is not to say that down deep in the withered and blackened prune that substitutes fir his formerly working heart, there isn’t some sense of compassion still beaming. Sure, we haven’t seen Spring apply it to any of the people that Jesus tells him he should offer it to, but Spring knows best.

Of that, I’m unquestionably certain.

In fact, Spring does have a soft spot it seems, for the natural enemies of organized religion, that being the insidious cabal armed with Logic and Science known as Atheists, or as most religious groups tend to call them; “heathens”. Sane people on the other hand, tend to refer to them as … well, “sane people”, so how you view them I guess, all depends on just how you apply your personal perspective to the situation laid out before you.

And when it comes to dealing with those who don’t believe in what Spring believes, he’s more than mature enough to accept their point of view, while happily maintaining his own, despite their insistence on mocking his:

Wow. Who would have thought that Spring, an otherwise hypocritical false Christiaan, could actually possess the inherent ability to publicly declare that he has zero issues with those who are adamantly opposed to his faith’s insistence on jamming their sociopathic myth into every facet of our personal lives, regardless of our interest?

I mentioned the concept of character growth earlier, but this right here, my loyal Bitchiteers, is character growth on a colossal scale. In fact, I’m so Impressed, that I’m going to take back some of the things that I said, and… oh wait, what’s this? Spring has some further visual commentary regarding Atheism?  Well, I’m sure that if anything, it’s definitely going to change my opinion of the man, given his previously posted open-mindedness:

Sigh… or maybe not.

I tell you now, as I’ve told you before, that one day, and this hopefully very soon, I’m trading in my gut instinct for one that actually freaking works. But as usual, Spring has posted some asinine theorems, and as the Chosen Snark of All, it’s my duty to eviscerate them, in my stereotypically kind fashion, with sensitivity and the gentlest of wry humor.

In order of intellectual density: ”They” don’t go after Satanists Jimmy Ray, because (A) Satanists don’t believe that Satan is real, his name being chosen as a means to provoke a reaction from you guys, and unlike your movement comprised of cafeteria Christians, they don’t push their ideology into our schools, government, bedrooms and personal medical decisions.

And here’s a real kick in the pants Jimmy, Satanism’s rules of personal conduct, are far more self-responsible than yours, to boot, and are known in tandem, as The Seven Fundamental Tenets, and The.Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth.

The Seven as they stand: 
(1) One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.
(2) The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
(3) One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.
(4) The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one’s own.
(5) Beliefs should conform to one’s best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one’s beliefs.
(6) People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one’s best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.
(7) Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.

Conversely, the Eleven declare that you;
(!) Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
(2) Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
(3) When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
(4) If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
(5) Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.
(6) Do not take that which does not belong to you, unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.
(7) Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
(8) Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
(9) Do not harm little children.
(10) Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
(11) When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

Overall, and by comparison, both of these codes of self-responsibility, kick the living crap out of the celestially determined by “God” edicts that Spring acknowledges, but rarely if ever, follows. And within that particular set of ten underpinning his said faith, I’d note that there’s no less than TREE reminders on just how to properly kiss that deity’s allegorical ass, lest ye be sentenced to Hell for all eternity. To which, I’ll take a hard pass on both aspects, thank you very much.

Say what you will about Satanism, but at least their allegoric 7-11 doesn’t sell scapegoats.

Now, as to the commentary encapsulated within Spring’s second meme, I have yet to hear any high-level Atheist publicly claim that the Universe as we know it, was created by “Aliens”, or come across any atheistic source saying this is so, but to be fair, when someone believes that there’s a sky-daddy watching everything you do from his celestial home located above you in the clouds, it’s not like you can sit down and nave a rational discussion regarding their fantastical fallacies to begin with.

As an added bonus, Spring’s third meme is a beautiful example of his consistently unaware hypocrisy, wherein he calls out his supposed adversaries, for engaging in the very same activities that he regularly engages in himself, such as attacking those people and institutions that he doesn’t like. To note, the only time I’ve ever see an Atheist metaphorically “attack” someone, is when said person is trying to push their sociopathic myth into an arena that neither requires it, or more Importantly, demanded it in the first place

Nevertheless, when Spring finds a beat he likes, he sticks with it, even if the record he’s playing, is warped:

Once again, Spring’s unawareness of just how the world actually works, in regards to his faith not doing half as well, creates an inadvertent atmosphere of hilarious hypocrisy. When you believe in the “God” theorem as the seed of all Creation, you have no room mocking the one regarding the “Big Bang”, which unlike the celestial concept, left behind verifiable evidence in its defense.

Not to mention, the reason why the Bible outlaws the more unholy desires of Man, is for the sole purpose of controlling them, which shockingly, is more of a human construct, than one that could (or should) be ascribed to the otherworldly, instead. And as for the final meme, that purported exchange is as close to the schoolyard taunt of “I know you are but what am I?” that I have ever seen, as it’s been applied here, to the subject of all that which is holy.

And as an aside, while Lennox’s achievements serving as the Professor of Mathematics at Oxford University are impressive, he’s still a Christian apologist going up against the man who while he was still alive, made significant scientific discoveries concerning; the origins of the Universe, Time itself, the Big Bang Theory, gravitational and spacetime singularities, Black Hole radiation the theory of a universe without spacetime boundaries, and the strong probability of extraterrestrial life being actually existent.

But please John… ignore the contradictory nature of your Bronze-Age fairy-tale, and tell us more about your fantastical, mercurial, sociopathic sky-daddy- I’m sure that we can all benefit from hearing just why we have to live on our knees, satisfying his pointlessly cruel and selfish personal whims.

I’d also point out that science has definitive evidence, whereas Mythology, and by critical extension, it’s pathology of magical thinking, simply does not, so feel free to suck on that John, and suck it hard.

Now, as I do know how annoyingly distressing this fact can be to people who believe in a reanimated zombie and former carpenter as their savior, I’ll just ignore pointing out the inconsistencies in their for-display-only coffee table boasting book, and sometimes alternative beer coaster, and dive straight into my next dissertation, which this time, will concern itself with dissecting Spring’s unwarranted sense of self-righteousness:

To repeat a by-now-familiar refrain, I’ll address this density in order- no Jimmy Ray, Democrats do not “hate God, Family, and Country”, and even if we did, so what? For a guy who walks with the supposed most powerful being in the known Universe, you seem awfully threatened when his non-existence is directly pointed out to you.

As for the rest, you clueless dumbf**k, we also have families, both traditional and not-so-much, and we will happily continue to protect them from your racist, transphobic, misogynistic, homophobic policies crafted to destroy them, and as we live in this country still, we’re obviously okay with it as it exists. What we do “hate” however, is your party claiming to be the sole progenitor of ethical values, and displaying little to none, in regards to the issue that you claim to hold sacred.

Hershel Walker and his supposed stance on abortion and the social and cultural issue of African-American men abandoning their families as an allegorical litmus test, anyone? And let’s not forget your ostensibly endless fascination with being part of a personality cult that fetishizes death.  

Case in point: the meme stating directly, that “God” has the “right” to destroy us all at any point, “no questions asked.” Guess what, motherf**ker- I’ve got some serious questions to ask, and they ain’t gonna be respectful in either their tone or content, as any so-called “sin” placed upon me or others, is all his fault to begin with.

By this, I mean to say that if “God” knows everything [he’s omnipotent, remember] that is going to happen, then why in his name, would he endow his most favored creation with the Free Will that for a majority, would most certainly, engineer their spiritual downfall? That’s not the caring plan of an all-loving father, that’s the checklist of a f**king serial killer, intent on making a tuxedo from the skin of his next-door neighbors.

But the best part of this little meme fest, is the blatant hypocrisy of the third meme, listing all the sins that Spring supposedly abhors. And as a public service, I’m more than happy to go through them, one by one, and note just why Spring’s reproach of them is do goddamn disingenuous.

“It’s not an affair, it’s Adultery.:  And yet outwardly, Spring has zero issue with the multitudes of adulterous affairs committed by the brethren of his party, ranging from Marjorie Taylor Greene to Donald Trump himself, but maybe the reason he hasn’t addressed this hypocrisy on FB, is because he hasn’t discovered the right meme to do so, thus far.

“It’s not safe sex, it’s Fornication”: Spoken like a truly frustrated incel who had to get married, in order to play a round of Oklahoman Bajingo, without having to pay for it first. Now given this statement, this infers that Spring was a virgin when he got married, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but yet… I’ve never seen a post of his where he addresses young men about the sanctity of remaining a virgin until they’re legally betrothed, so I guess this message of chastity is for the women out there only… as always.

“It’s not gay love, it’s Sodomy.” I hate to be the one yet again who has to break new information to you Jimmy Ray, but there’s an awful lot of Christians out there who’ve willingly incorporated some seriously ”gay” practices into their private sex lives, so you just might want to back off this particular topic, whose minutiae it can be said, you seem far more interested in, than the people who are actually espousing it.

“It’s not veneration, it’s Idolatry”: Really, Jimmy Ray? Do tell:

For the sake of clarity, I have no idea what the original Golden Calf originally looked like, but I’d bet dollars to doughnuts, that this depiction of a false prophet sitting in a golden palace replete with the Whore of Babble-on at his side, is the closest we’ll ever get to witnessing a modern-day reboot.

Sadly however, this mango-tinted calf lacks the one quality that its predecessor had in buckets- the ability to be relegated to the scrap pile, once the people who adored it, realized their collective mistake in worshiping it.

“It’s not pro-choice, it’s Murder”: No, Jimmy. It’s not. And you would know this, if you on occasion, actually picked up a science book, rather than rely on the Bronze-Age one full of fairy-tales that doesn’t mention abortion even once within its pages. Which is somewhat odd, when given the fact that God randomly slaughters babies and other innocents by the truck-load, when the mercurial mood strikes him.

I’m not going to retread an argument that I’ve written about at length before, [Check out the AB “Archive” for further details] but I’m also not going to take any ethical guidance from a party who, when confronted with evidence from The Daily Beast that self-declared “Pro-Lifer” and GQP Candidate Herschel Walker having paid for multiple abortions, ignored his hypocrisy outright.

Well sort of, anyway.

Turns out, that ex-NRA soulless shill and fellow Conservative dissembler Dana Loesch, most definitely had an opinion regarding the controversy, asserting: “How many times have I said four very important words? These four words: Winning is a virtue, And, please keep in mind that I am concerned about one thing, and one thing only at this point. So, I don’t care if Herschel Walker paid to abort endangered baby eagles. I want control of the Senate.”

Continuing with her ducking of the actual issue at hand, Loesch cemented her disingenuous position of deflection by declaring: “If the Daily Beast story is true, you’re telling me Walker used his money to reportedly pay some skank for an abortion, and Sen. Raphael Warnock wants to use all of our moneys to pay a whole bunch of skanks for abortions, So, it doesn’t change anything for me!”

“Skanks”, Dana? Were you referring to the numerous women that your so-called family values candidate knocked up, and then abandoned as if they were the condoms that he should have used? Even more interestingly, I’ve noticed that the very same people who demanded that Colin Kapernick shut the f**k up and play football, nave yet to say the same to the brain-dead and disingenuous dumbf**k, that is Herschel Walker.

Nevertheless, I’m confident that’s just an oversight, and not a bigoted delineation of who’s being a good “boy” and who isn’t. I guess the status of endangered fetuses to the GQP is rendered unimportant, when the advantage of throwing them under their candidate’s campaign bus to aid in his political traction instead, becomes far more prevalent to their garnering of votes.

But if you could Jimmy Ray, please lecture us all about the evils of Abortion, as your party willingly abandons its supposedly sacred principles. I’m sure we could all learn a valuable lesson from doing so, that being the inarguable fact that your party’s metaphorical house of ethics, sits on the quickest of sand.

Moving on.

“It’s not alcoholism, it’s Drunkenness”: Once again, in reference to an inanity that you’ve posted, you self-righteous twunt: no, it’s not. It’s the inability to control drinking, due to both a physical and emotional dependence on alcohol. And in order to achieve its cessation, it requires a multi-level approach, involving physical detoxification, behavioral therapy, the possibility of being medicated, and yes, even a measure of understanding, which as a supposed “Christian”, you should possess in buckets, but seemingly don’t.

For as James 2:14-17 puts it; “What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him? If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.”

Nevertheless Jimmy Ray, I’m sure that Jesus still loves you anyway, because as we all know, he tends to play kind of fast and loose with that whole ”do unto others “ thing, so even though you’re willingly turning your back on those who need your help if not your compassion the most, I’m sure he’d be still down with you not offering either to those afflicted with a crippling addiction.

Sure, he might have once turned water into wine, but in all seriousness, he can’t expect you to take that arrogantly sanctimonious chunk of coal in your chest, and turn it back into a working heart, can he? But let’s take a deep look at that last part of secular smugness that Spring gifted us all with, that being the warning; “Do not trivialize your sin. It’s time to Repent.

And as the word “repent” is the only one capitalized, we know that Spring is truly serious about it. But what exactly, does that word really mean in a day and age where Logic and Reason should far outweigh the intellectually void of slavish devotion to a Bronze-Age ideology?

Well, for the uninitiated yet again, here’s the standardized definition: “To feel sorry, self-reproachful, or contrite for past conduct; regret or be conscience-stricken about a past action, attitude, etc. To feel such sorrow for sin or fault, as to be disposed to change one’s life for the better; be penitent.”

Hmm. Given that definition, I wonder if Spring will ever feel the need to repent for his bigoted stance concerning the civil rights of African-Americans, or his homo / transphobia regarding the LGBTQ Community at large, and let us not forget, the amazing amount of dedication he’s shown to steadfastly remaining a knuckle-dragging misogynist, along with his being a religious hypocrite, as well.

To loosely paraphrase a statement by the late Frank Zappa, despite the sanctimonious shrillness of Spring’s assertions and/or threats that us nonbelievers are the ones to be certainly facing an eternity in the fiery pit where the fallen angels with the horns and the pointy fork-sticks do their business, it’s actually the self-declared faux Christians who are the most at risk of becoming a personal sex-and-chew-toy for the Lord High Satan himself.   

This might be the appropriate time for me to address the reality that the assigning of something as being either Good or Evil, comes down to the duality of how one applies their perspective and personal power to the situation at hand, for as it is noted in Romans 10:3;For they being ignorant of God’s righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God.

In essence, God is saying; “That’s my awesomeness you’re supposed to be bragging about, not your own”, so by Spring abusing the cover of his faith to justify demonizing those unknown to him, he openly violates the edict of Romans 10:3 without question.

So, if there truly is a Hell, Jimmy Ray, its fires await you and your faux proselyting ilk- not us.

While somewhat caustically harsh, I’ll stand behind this opinion of mine with a bucket of my own blood, for one simple reason, and it is this- hypocrisy in the eyes of the mythical God, is one of the biggest sins of all, and Spring is one of its biggest fomenters, if not a supreme collector of such.

Label my cynicism as arrogant, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if and when, the End Times finally arrive, and blares its clarion call, Spring is going to drop to his knees faster than a Catholic priest at a Boy Scout Jamboree, desperately attempting to stave off that which most certainly, has just been waiting in store for him.  

Karma may be a bitch as the saying goes, but trust me, it’s got nothing on a pissed-off Savior who’s been watching the Word he gifted to his favorite Creations, getting perverted by the very same, as if it were a busload of pre-teens visiting Jeffery Epstein’s house, and just itching to settle his allegorical hash with one of its worst offenders.

I once suggested that Spring stock up on an eternal supply of Aloe Vera for where he was going to be spending his afterlife, but now I’m thinking he should invest in some good-quality BBQ sauce as well, because once he gets there, the Devil is going to be spending all of his free time roasting his duplicitous ass.

Unsurprisingly, if you asked Spring about my premonitions of predictive purgatory, I’m quite certain that he would strongly and definitively disagree. After all, as a self-declared Christian, Spring is more than capable of deciding unlike my firmly rooted in atheism self, just which celestial edicts he’ll follow, and which he’ll choose to just ignore outright.

And disingenuousness be [literally] damned, for regardless of whatever evidence exists, (which he’s usually provided) Spring’s still going to claim the moral high ground, despite his obviously operating from within the bowels of its sewer.

For instance, while Jesus openly and willingly, hung out with social outcasts, such as lepers and prostitutes, I’m confident that if Spring ever found himself sharing an elevator with a Transgender African-American Atheist for 35 seconds, the flop-sweat running off of him as the result for having to do so, would lead to an almost-fatal case of dehydration.

This is not to say however, that even while wading waist-deep in the merde of his own making, Spring isn’t thoughtful enough to share the experience with the rest of us:

This time around, we open up with a meme that graphically shows the epitome of Mankind devolving from free-thinking and logical creatures, into willingly obedient slaves, bowing, scraping, and mewling, at the feet and bequest of a mercurial sociopath, who promises much, but only if certain conditions bordering on the damn near nigh impossible, are met.

The irony of images such as the one displayed, however, lies in the fact that as God’s children, we’re tasked with the endeavor to be sincerely contrite, if not publicly humble, and yet, when the majority of modern-day Christians are observed under the microscope of America’s culture, they’re typically the most arrogantly condemnatory and prideful people you’ve ever met, as attested to by meme number two.

To note, the “End Times” have been predicted by the innumerable score as either forthcoming, or being already well in play, since the early 15th Century, and as of yet, not one of these foretold dates, has been on the money.

I find this circumstance odd, given all the “proof’ that these dimwitted doomsayers claim to have gleaned from unimpeachable sources, ranging from the Bible [naturally] to assumed celestial omens, such as Nickelback being allowed ongoing radio airplay, but as indicated thus far, the End Times are apparently taking their sweet-ass-time getting here, despite all the Evangelical assertions to the latter.

To be quite honest, I’m starting to think that the End Times are nothing more than an elaborate Ponzi scheme, established to create an ever-perpetual climate of fear, as a means to not only separate the gullible from their money, but their mental autonomy as well. This in turn, equally assures both an income stream, as well as an inherent ability to maintain societal control to boot, by those select few who control the machinations of such, hiding in the dark, deep behind the scenes.

But maybe that’s just my properly functioning sense of logic talking, as it tends to do that, when it’s faced with illogically unchecked paranoid fantasies disseminated by wannabe false prophets.

And in a twist that’s far funnier than anything I could ever write, I appreciate the warning from Spring that if we don’t repent to God concerning the original “sin” that he placed upon us knowingly, we’re going to suffer terrible torments at the hands of…  you guessed it, the same sociopath who burdened us with it in the first place.

So… one stop shopping, I guess? Talk about convenience.

Speaking of which, I for one, have no idea, nor does anybody else for that matter, know with any form of certainty, exactly what happens when we die. All we as a species have to answer this eternal query, are the most random assortment of philosophies, concerns, and unwarranted hopes, generally based within our collective experiences or what we were taught during our formative years.

Personally, I’ve always ascribed to the scientific theorem of “That which is made cannot be unmade”, but this in and of itself, is somewhat of an abstract thought, at best. Due to that theoretical aspect, I’d refer back to my “unmade” commentary.

Now, for sanity’s sake, I won’t open up the discussion regarding the weight of a soul. as so brilliantly depicted within the sci-fi classic novel “On a Pale Horse” by Piers Anthony, but I do like that its story wryly espouses that a person’s belief, influences the fate of one’s immortal soul. The lone exception of course, being atheists, who seemingly refuse to exist after death.

Typical.

If I were to expound upon his concept, I’d repeat the words once written by the British philosophical writer James Allen, who said: “Man is made and unmade by himself. In the armory of thought he forges the weapons which will destroy him. He also creates the tools with which he will build for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peach. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and their master.”

In my overview, I can only take these words to infer that as it is staged in “On a Pale Horse”, it is Man alone who places himself respectively in his allegorical Hell or Heaven, as his / her belief influences one’s immortal fate, and not an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-fictional “God” who does so.

Somewhat simplistic, I know, but that’s how I regard it.

An avowed atheist will tell you that we stop existing after death, as I noted previously, but as for myself, a person who has no sense of Faith whatsoever, I still reserve a doubt or two, although they’re not based within the sphere of religious conviction, but more along the lines that if it comes down to the determination of who is far more worthy of respect, me or the deity I regard as wholly mythical, I’ll be the one laying down the judgement, versus the other way around.

So, no Jimmy Ray- there will be no need to “repent” on my part, because so far as I’m concerned, I don’t owe your mercurially maniacal God jackspit. However, in contrast, you might want to invest in a good set of knee-pads, because if you actually do place any serious stock in that mumbo-jumbo you spew, you’re going to be on them for quite some time paying for your sins, long before I ever have to atone for any of my theoretical ones.

This opinion, based on my long-held theorem that if there is a God, he’s either keenly complicit in underpinning the Evil that exists in the world, or powerless to affect it, and regardless of which status it is that he occupies, be it right or wrong he’s irrelevant to any moral decision that I alone, decide to make.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the concept of an eternal resort where serenity is key, and relaxation comes easily, but it sounds boring as frak. Not to mention, the choral music, the holier-than-all atmosphere, and the on the hour affirmation speeches that you just know will be blaring out of the patriarchal PA system, would just suck, after a while

And to be honest, if I were given the choice between eternally attending this kind of party…

…or hanging out at this full-blown rager that’s clearly ringing off the proverbial hook;

I guess daddy here, will be doing the Electric Slide in between stints of chatting up all the single demonesses, as he rides half-naked on the back of whatever the f**k this thing is:

Granted, the underappreciated entertainment value of watching Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, and whomever penned the “It’s a Small World” song, serve out their celestially-imposed sentences inside the Universe’s largest Hibachi grill, would be amazing, but I’m also cognizant that Heaven doesn’t want me, and the leadership of Hell is genuinely afraid I’d take over and immediately start screwing with the status quo.

Three simple words, boys and girls: Central. Air. Conditioning.

I will admit however, begrudgingly as it may be, that my particular take on all of this is not going to present itself as everybody’s cup of allegoric tea or Kombucha, for some of you weirder ones out there, and that’s just fine. Variety is the spice of life, after all, so I guess it can (and should) be applied to any discussions of our After-one as well.

But therein lies the key difference between nonbelievers such as myself, and self-declared ones such as Spring- we can handle the discussion, while they and he, as a rule of thumb, refuse to brook the merest attempt at doing so. Take for instance, the context of the last meme, where Spring claims that an errant beam of light constitutes definitive “proof” of a pathway to what I and many others, regard as a wholly mythical Heaven.

If I am understanding pre-ordained Dogma correctly, God, who claims to work in mysterious ways, [see Luke 24:16] and suggests in Matthew 25:13 that we collectively should: “Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh”, just decided to say “screw it”, and provide inarguably definitive proof as to his very existence, via an alleged fatal collieries, rather than any other form of communication available?

Let me explain my cynicism (past the obvious) this way: on April 27, 1986, a disgruntled electrical engineer named John R. MacDougall, [AKA; “Captain Midnight”] successfully hijacked the HBO broadcast signal being transmitted via the Galaxy 1 Satellite, for a time-span of four and a half minutes, during which period, a bizarre video featuring 80’s POP culture icon Max Headroom was aired in lieu of the film “The Falcon and the Snowman” that had been currently in progress before the interruption occurred:

And yet, despite nearly 7.3M viewers seeing a hack achieved using technology that would charitably be considered near-primitive now, the best that the omnipotent Father of All can muster, is a low-quality cellphone photo? Keep in mind, this weak-ass effort arrives courtesy of the same supposed deity who not only granted Moses the power to part the Red Sea, but whom also allegedly created the Universe entire in under a week, as well.

Man, how the mighty have fallen. Or at the very least, the quality of their product line.

No wonder the defiant angels, Adam and Eve, the platypus, original sin, fathering a son through non-consensual sex with a betrothed teenager in open violation of his own edict in Deuteronomy 22:25, his deciding to purposefully ignore the chosen people’s bondage as slaves, and losing his sh*t over the Tower of Babel, while seemingly not being bothered by Burj Khalifa whatsoever, were rightfully considered as PR disasters, what with such a scatterbrain behind the metaphysical steering wheel.

Given that track record, I guess we all should be grateful that the so-called Creator wasn’t inspired by the future examples of Pablo Picasso, and decided to put both of our eyes on the same side of our head.

But who knows? Even with science, logic, and proven reality seemingly on my side, there could still be a valid reason as to why the God I’ve deemed as purely mythical, might decide to eschew modern-day communication methods, in favor of the seminal classics he’s always been known for.

Once a hit, always a hit, says I, and who am I to judge what the best process is for certifying the celestial? Other than the aforementioned science, logic, and proven reality, that is.

Depending on who you ask, God “speaks” to humans in a variety of ways. Those [primarily] being through the Scripture, via the conduit of our personal difficulties, which has always seemed like a d**k move to me, through his chosen prophets imbued with the Holy Spirit, and lastly, through his numerous acts of Creation.

If one takes these into account, along with the example of the Burning Bush, it then makes sense as to why God doesn’t unitize Tik-Tok, or the reach of a blast e-mail. And if you’re truly a devoted follower of Christ, it’s a methodology that you’ve come to expect, if not rely on.

Regular readers of my screeds may recall how past Artbitch subject Ruth Darlene Seawolf once claimed that God sent her a personal message, and she posted her proof that He did so, if you believe in that sort of thing, using the most logical delivery stem available

… that being a Walmart receipt of course, just as the Prophecy foretold.

So, as it stands, it makes some form of limited sense that Spring, the self-declared Christian who is allegedly blessed with the same scientific intellect that nature bestowed upon a grouping of drunken Pet Rocks, would see a beam of light, reasonably assume that it’s God’s escalator for the newly departed, and not question it at all, because… um, why not?

Oh, that’s right- because of science, logic, and proven reality, that’s why. Unfortunately for both Spring and myself, neither one of us can prove the other 100% wrong, as Spring is intractable in concern to his cherry-picked belief system, and I of course, exist in Reality, a land that Spring willingly self-exiled himself from, quite some time ago.

This assessment brings to mind a further observation penned by the previously mentioned British philosophical writer James Allen, who in his seminal work “As a Man Thinketh”, correctly noted the following: ”A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.”

Now to be brutally frank, I have no idea what seeds have been cultivated into maturity within the confines of Spring’s allegoric garden, but I’m more than willing to suggest that Lyutsifer Safin would feel right at home sitting among their offspring. For those of you who have no idea what I’m referring to, I’d suggest you go watch the last James Bond film entitled “No Time to Die”, and then come back to revel in the brilliant presentation of that joke, which once written, stays in the act forever:

Getting back on track, if Spring’s metaphorical garden does indeed exist, I’d have to believe given all the empirical evidence to be found, that it’s quite openly hostile to not only the seeds of change, but the forward-thinking gardeners who wish to plant them as well.

Spring, like most self-declared American Conservative Christians these days, sees enemies running amuck simply everywhere, irrespective of veracity or the sanity of such an idea, and I for one, cannot imagine living in a world where my being asked to comport myself as a functioning and empathetic human, would be regarded as nothing less than a personal threat.

Here’s the deal: if I disagree with something, whether that be a person’s political views, a corporation’s ethical stance, any form of disreputable entertainment, or a social movement that offends my sensibilities, I do this absolutely crazy thing where I either ignore it, mock it, as I’m currently doing with Spring’s absurdity here, or I go one step further, and make sure that my money doesn’t go to bolster it’s what I may feel is a vile agenda.

Hence the reason why I avoid Chick-fil-A like the goddamn metaphorical plague.

It’s an approach that I would advocate that Spring tries out at least once, whenever he gets done hurling slanderous invectives from inside his ivory bubble, of course. I don’t believe in “cancel culture” per se, because I tend to think that its brunt is being abused to the point of criminality by both sides fighting their supposed cultural war, but I am a big fan of calling Truth to Power, and in my humble opinion, Spring’s attacks on women, non-Christians, and the LGBTQ Community in general, are so not that.

Nevertheless, he does have the constitutional right to issue them, ignorantly abhorrent as they are, for if the First amendment can protect an alleged hatefully racist, misogynistic, homophobic, politically-retarded cultist moron such as Spring most certainly appears to be, you can only imagine what it can do in the mouth of someone who unlike Spring, isn’t a waste of otherwise useful skin and internal organs.

So, if Spring is seemingly incapable of bettering himself through and unwanted and continuous exposure to logic and humanity, two aspects that he fights against as if it were I battling the corporate catchiness of Nickelback’s “Burn It to the Ground” scorcher of a song, how can I in my simple guise as a societal Snark, rectify the situation at hand?

In a word or two, I simply can’t. It’s impossible to shame a person who has no inherent sense of it, and it’s damn near nigh a miracle, to pierce the arrogant confidence of anyone who has erroneously self-determined that they alone, hold the answers to all that they judgmentally survey.

And when that same said person earnestly believes that God is not only on their side, but is the incontestable source of justified inspiration for their nauseating nattering? Well, mythical God help us all then, because when that purposeful inanity is then amalgamated with the insidiousness of political partisanship, the sky is the limit as to what cultural damage a dedicated cabal of uniformed zealots can do:

As someone who has actually seen this movie, all I can say is this- God may hot have been dead when it premiered, but it sure as hell didn’t drive up the sales of his autobiography, either. On the upside, the film did star conservative TV has-been Kevin Sorbo, so for a few weeks at least, he wasn’t on Twitter reminding us all just why the plastic sword he once wielded on Hercules, was considered by many to be the far better actor twixt the two.

However, this is where we as Americans, currently find ourselves- culturally and politically disconnected, over-sensitive, over-reactive, increasingly paranoid, and potentially violent, given the right situation and/or triggering event. Spring and the others of his ilk just like him, are merely the visible symptoms of a cancer that’s been propagating within our political system since the early 80’s, and which has finally seized its birthright from within the ugly maw that houses American politics.

At the time of this writing, I’m 53 years old, living in a quiet slice of New Mexico, and I can honestly say that in all the time that I have been traversing this giant-ass ball of granite and coagulated space-dust, I have never once been witness to the dogmatic madness that thanks to the rise of fascist Trumpism, is seemingly infesting all that this country once held sacred.

Back in the days of my youth, the Riders of Reagan could be intense in their dedication to the Gipper, but holy Jesus f**k on a cracker, they weren’t anything as malevolently virulent as the Cult of 45 have proven themselves to be. Due in large part to the Alt-Wrong’s continuing campaign of what should be openly considered low-grade domestic terrorism, nothing is safe from the collective insanity that they disseminate as freely as they breathe.

And terrifyingly, there seems to be no end in sight in concern to it.

Look, I’m just a guy who writes- I don’t have all the answers, although sometimes, I’d like oi think that I do. If anything, I’m exceptionally good at seeing the cracks in the metaphorical armor, and devising the most efficient way to seal them shut. But as an observer of the sphere containing what’s currently going on, I’m genuinely flummoxed.

As a nation, we’re not dealing with an outside enemy– the call as it were, is literally coming from inside the house, and the bad guy could be anybody residing within its walls. And as it is such, the solution to restoring some form of natural balance, will require nothing less I’m afraid, than the application of forcefully direct sheer draconianism, as a consequence for the actions of those that deserve its brunt.

To be clear, I’m not suggesting we implement the fascistic approach that Trumpanzees are jonesing to incorporate into the very fabric of America itself, but I am saying that for the abominable horde walking relatively unchecked among us, it’s way past tine for them to pay the piper in penance for what they’ve willingly been a complicit component of, for over half a decade.

While the Constitution does guarantee you the inherent right to be dumber than f**k, it in no way, shape, or form, allows you the altitude of abusing the privilege to the point where it directly harms or endangers others, and it’s high time we endeavor to reweave that reality back into the fabric of our nation’s political system, if only for the betterment of our incredibly damaged civil discourse.

The first step (I feel) in my ever so humble opinion, is that we need to start exorcising the mental murkiness that is so consistently omnipresent within the lands of social media, which not only gives oxygen to all that I’ve presented visually thus far, but which also fuels the Alt-Wrong’s pervasive feeling of targeted persecution, as well:

Um, Genius? No, it’s not. First, Free Speech protection does NOT apply to private companies, especially given that when you willingly signed up for their service, you did so, with the full knowledge that there was a clearly defined Code of Conduct you were expected to follow, and that, without exception. That fact that you get “jailed” for your commentary, only proves that you’re either an idiot, or more likely, an irrelevant demagogue, but then again, I repeat myself.

Or, as is my forte, present yet another example to back up my avowal:

For contextual background, this now D-list actor made his offensively dense comment on the Jimmy Kimmel show, in relation to being asked a question regarding his attendance at Trump’s inauguration in 2016, saying that; “You’ve got to be careful around here. You’re going to get beat up if you don’t believe what everybody believes. This is like 30s Germany,”

A comparison that other than being mindbogglingly stupid, also perfectly illustrates why Allen’s career was centered on playing a caricature of himself on TV for nine seasons as the star of “Last Man Standing” whose premise was thus:

“Mike Baxter is a happily married father of three daughters who finds himself the odd man out as he tries to maintain his manliness in a home surrounded by women. Mike tries to escape all the female drama at home in the warm, manly embrace of his job at the Outdoor Man store, a sporting goods emporium where he is marketing director. He also revels in his Outdoor Man vlog, which he uses as a pulpit for his opinions, which often have nothing to do with the store’s merchandise. When he’s supposed to be selling mountain bikes or kayaks, he somehow ends up spouting off about the environment, health care, international politics or any other topic occupying his mind.”

Damn. If that doesn’t scream “Comedy Gold”, I don’t know what does. As you’d expect, given its vile idiocy regarding women, societal issues, and politics, the show such as it was, played well with the type of people that finds Tucker Carlson smart, and Tim Allen still culturally relevant.

To be fair, I did attempt to watch this streaming sludge on a handful of occasions, but had to relent doing so, when it became obvious that if I truly wanted to laugh at a conservative making a jackass of himself on my TV and couldn’t find the far superior “All in the Family” playing somewhere, all I need do, was tune in to whatever late-night show was desperate enough to book Allen as a guest.

And if you have any doubts about my take, here’s a critique of the series, courtesy of the right-wing journal, the Imaginative Conservative: “Finally, we have a hero who hunts, fishes, watches sports, and occasionally drives a tank.”

Feel free to make up your own jokes here, because as I was attempting to do so, I had to keep in mind that Allen also once opined in 2013 that he should be allowed to use the “n-word”, stating that. “If I have no intent, if I show no intent, if I clearly am not a racist, then how can ‘n****r’ be bad coming out of my mouth?

Concerning this clueless query, I have, (as many of you must) more than a few opinions as to just “why” uttering such an abominable slur is, as Allen put it; “bad”, but I see no reason to issue them, as its sadly obvious that one of the cherished icons of my youth, AKA; “Buzz Lightyear”, was voiced by a repulsive caricature of my grandfather, and that in and of itself, just kills me.

On the upside though, my grandfather was never the unwilling subject of a photo like this:

The circumstantial framework: In October of 1978, October 2nd, to be exact-Tim Allen was arrested in the Kalamazoo/Battle Creek International Airport, after being caught with 650 grams, which is roughly, 1.4 pounds of cocaine.

At the time, Allen faced a life sentence for the 42K payout he had been expecting, but since he opted to provide the names of other dealers in exchange for a far less repressive verdict, it allowed him the opportune advantage of being sentenced in a federal court rather than a state court, which in essence, nullified the life sentence he would have faced, resulting in his ultimately only serving two years and four months instead, for his crime.

However, Allen’s bid to gain his freedom, lead to the successful indictment of no less than twenty people involved with the drug trade in Michigan, as well as the conviction of four major drug dealers to boot, none of whom I would suspect, ever went on to become fans of his comedic success. But let’s not forget, this former drug trafficker and spinelessly self-serving snitch, is going to lecture us all, on what’s wrong with society in general.

However, given Spring’s previously stated annoyance at Tim Allen not being cast as the primary voice talent in the “Lightyear” movie, I’m sure he’d be first in line to buy a ticket for any Toy Story reboot, that granted Allen the pleasure of tweaking its established character development, in order to bring it into accordance with his currently asinine political POV:

If not apparent to all who are reading this, I’m clearly making a blatantly absurd observation, but the only thing keeping my tasteless joke from becoming a concreted reality in the future, is our collective ability to cauterize the illness of conservatism, at its key source.

Fortunately for us as a whole, when it comes to “celebrity” representations of its party and the dissemination of its opinions, the best that the Alt-Wrong can ever muster up, are those of indisputable wash-ups. I mean, does the AW truly think that any significant cultural influence will ever be imparted by the likes of Kristy Swanson, Chuck Woolery, Stacey Dash, Antonio Sabato Jr, Randy Quaid, Kevin Sorbo, Jon Voight, Roseanne Barr, Scott Baio, Dean Cain, Kirstie Alley, Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, and as proposed, Tim Allen?

The only thing that these D-listers have to offer a society that they so openly despise, and the lowest of IQ-bereft MAGAt morons who listen to them, is the inadvertent lesson of what can happen when a person of exceedingly limited talent, believes their agent’s hype that they’re an irreplaceable icon.

For most of us actually functioning humans, if our personal ideology was being constantly mocked, disregarded, or questioned, there would come a point where we would be forced, whether we liked it or not, to engage in a moment of in-depth self-reflection and reassess what we really believe. But Conservatives, for all intents and purposes, are seemingly immune to this most rational aspect of the human condition.

Allen is no victim, and neither is the inexorable political movement that he (and Spring) so willingly support, because for a guy who cries foul on every media platform whose usage has never been denied him, concerning a right that he already possesses, and applies as easily as he whines, the irony of his party’s attempts to shut it down for the ones that they so passionately disagree with, is still quite the stunner.

And as we’ve all seen from Spring’s ever-increasing pile of publicly posted hypocrisy, when the Alt-Wrong gets called out for such disingenuousness, they employ one of three well-worn gambits: they either double down on their falsehoods, project or deflect their own fallacious foibles as their “evidence”, or imply that definitive threats are in the mode of current formulation, be they physical, or allegoric.

And apparently, picking an appropriate photo to succinctly illustrate the topic at hand, is also seemingly difficult, unless the descriptive of “Red November”, is to assist in the pre-setting for the moment of the fashionable perp walk that Trump will hopefully be forced to do, when the numerous indictments and lawsuits currently raining down upon him, turn into multiple convictions, financial losses, and the annihilation of his public persona:

Once again, the backstory as it is known: After a surprise FBI raid on the Mar-a-Lago resort owned by ex-American president Donald J. Trump, produced a trove of classified documents, allegedly taken by same said twice-impeached, thrice-married, and forever-disgraced, mango man-child, John Rich, a country music singer and self-described humanitarian, found himself incensed beyond the pale.

In response to this perfectly justified action, Rich tweeted out the following jackassery:

Correct me if I’m wrong here, but if the FBI raided my 14K-gilded cesspool that masquerades as my home, and found enough incriminating evidence to solidly allege that I broke no less than three federal laws relating to the Espionage Act of 1912, [Specifically;18 USC 793, 2071 and 1519] I don’t think I’d appreciate a mildly threatening “Thank-you” note from one of my most vocal supporters being addressed to them on my unasked-for-behalf, as a rule.

I get that you think that you’re helping out your treasonous toddler, Johnny-boy, but trust me- you’re really not, for if anything, the FBI tends to lack a definable sense of humor, when it comes to the concern of transparently veiled threats.

First, the only thing that’s being poured on your so-called “Freedom Fire” is the ice-cold dousing water of Reality, which in the end, is only going to result in your cravenly cult leader shivering alone in a prison cell, and second, only 74M people voted for Trump, so I have no idea where you found those additional 7M, unless you’re counting all the extras he had to hire, in order to populate the supposedly diverse background and PR prop, located just behind his rally podium.

Second, if the intellectual capacity of said 74M has been measured correctly, and given the empirical data, I can only believe that it has, then it seems to be that the case can be made that the majority of them could be quite easily distracted from their task, be it voting or attempting an insurrection, by either waving a particularly shiny set of keys in their faces, or informing them that an African-American was openly doing White people stuff without prior permission.

But Rich’s “Proud to Be a Dimwitted Deplorable” shtick, was just warming up:

Good questions all, or they would be, if Rich’s assessment wasn’t being given from a position of asinine absurdity, that is. Shockingly, these who are known for routinely singing about American values, generally tend to understand the difference between being a patriot in regards to a country, versus being a pawn in regards to a cravenly c**t, such as Rich seemingly is.

And as for his comment that; “The country music industry is out of touch with the audience”, maybe it’s not so much that, as their audience being out of touch with both reality and their formerly cherished set of integral values. Because its fairly obvious that Rich sure the hell is.

Sigh… I’m not entirely sure where Rich learned American History, but I get the feeling that most of his fellow students in said class, took a short bus to get there. Aside from the bumper sticker dogma displayed throughout it, Rich’s narrative is also rife with a lack of context, to boot.

As is expected, the glorification of combat and the canonization of its practitioners, is at the forefront, without any construct of just why America was involved in the skirmish to begin with- that being, we were fighting an enemy that shared more in common with Rich’s ideology, than any facet of the one he attempts to impugn with his lack of credible intellectualism.

To note, there was no way in hell that Japan would ever have been able to conquer America on its own, and the only way Germany might have had a chance, is if they had managed to develop their nuclear weapon capability before we so fortunately (?) did. And Rich’s deliberate side-step of the fact that America was fighting to maintain its status a country that was for the primary benefit of White males only at the time, is a nice touch as well.

“Fierce Patriotism” didn’t win the war- superior weapon development, established American infrastructure, rugged doggedness, and the ability to make the other guy die for his country rather than his making us doing the same, is what carried it over the lune in the end.

And may I point out the clueless hypocrisy of a man who has never served, drawing parallels between esteemed military commanders, and America’s resident wannabe Mussolini, who praised dictators, saluted enemy generals, lauded NAZI’s as “fine people”, paid his way out of serving during the era of the Draft, and while incompetently serving as our Commander in Chief, regularly slandered our military, mocked our POW’s, as well as insulting a war widow and a Gold Star family.

Topping all of that abominable behavior off, Rich’s mango-man-crush, after leaving the office in disgrace then allegedly stole classified documents, several of which it can be assumed after they were discovered to be missing, found their way into the hands of whomever was willing to pay top dollar for them. But please, Johnny-boy, lecture us all some more on the topic of “leadership”, if you would be so kind.

Regarding Rich’s comment about how we’d all “be speaking German”, if not for the intervention of documented xenophobes, it would probably pain him to know that pre-WW2, the most commonly spoken formal language in America was… wait for it… GERMAN, so I can only guess that better late than never, was the primary theorem of the day.

But given the fact that Spanish is now the language that holds that title, I can only assume that Rich’s flawed sense of jingoism must be working overtime on plans to justifiably invade Mexico, if only to stop the spread of its influence upon the culture in whose defense, he’s more than willing to light a few Freedom Fires for.

Most likely at 3AM. On only the best of selectively chosen front lawns, I’m sure. Say what you will about Spring, (and I hope you will) but he definitely knows how to dredge only the finest of role models from the allegoric bottom of the barrel, does he not?

To list, there’s his fascist mango-man-crush, a gaggle of washed-up celebutards, a few disingenuous politicos, and the ultimate model on which all sociopaths are based, the ever-so-mythical “God” whose teachings Spring references, but never follows, even as he misinterprets them for his own advantage, and not God’s, as it has been commanded for him to do so.

Adding to Spring’s deplorable tabulation of the non-accomplished, the non-existent, and the non-credible, is the Alt-Wrong’s newest poster-boy of the moment, Elon Musk- an assumed intellectual thief, a confirmed industrialist billionaire, a possibly in the very near future fictionalized Bond villain, and the nest example to use for effectively settling the ongoing debate as to whether or not, abortion needs to be made far more accessible.

Musk, whose relatively recent acquisition of social media platform Twitter, helped to show exactly just where all the racists in your family who weren’t invited to Thanksgiving dinner, were hanging out instead, is considered quite the firebrand these days, despite having skin thinner than that of an onion, and the interpersonal skills of an intellectually-challenged turnip.

Lest ye forgot, let me just remind you of that moment when Musk, who’s personal wealth is estimated to be over 300B, once promised (ironically via a “tweet”) to use his vast financial resources, to aid in ending world hunger, but only if he were presented with a cohesive plan to do so:

In response to Musk’s generous offer, David Beasley, the UN food program director, tweeted a link to a 1,000-word “executive summary.” doing just that, per Musk’s reasonable request:
It laid out in detail, just how the UN could and would, utilize an allocation of $6.6B to assist in the feeding of more than 40M people across a span of 43 countries, a majority of whom, are currently on “the brink of famine”, according to the data provided by Beasley.

Musk then requested the publishing of WFP’s current and proposed spending in detail, a resource of information spanning ten years, that was already openly accessible on WFP’s website, so that the general public could see exactly where the money would go. Musk for his part, has not as of yet, replied to Beasley’s tweet about WFP’s financial statements, nor has he responded in concern to said plan, either.

Instead, Musk ever the noble humanitarian, decided to spend nearly 8X as much buying Twitter, for reasons that I’m sure had nothing to do with the fact that after reneging on his promise to help the world entire, the users of said platform, lit him up like a Christmas tree with their well-deserved targeted mockery.

Interestingly, it was reported that Musk in February of 2022, donated 5M shares of Tesla Inc stock. [worth 5.7B] in late 2021, although at this time, no charity (or WFP for that matter) has come publicly forward claiming to be the recipient of such a generous gift. Before we give Musk any credit though, I’d also note that within the same time period of said bestowment, he also sold off 16B worth of Tesla stock as well, thereby leading to an alleged 4.6B tax break.

But as it always is with the self-declared saviors of Mankind, Musk sees that which is obvious to the rest of us, somewhat quite differently. Despite the PR blow-back for his cravenly act of reneging on his promise to help WFP, Musk tweeted his claim that his sole purpose for buying Twitter was not, as some had surmised; “to make more money. I did it to try to help humanity, whom I love“.

Unless of course, that “love” demands any form of pre-promised financial assistance that could actually provide it with the food it so desperately needs to survive. He added to his declaration by adding in that; Twitter must be “warm and welcoming for all”, [like a full stomach, perhaps?] and that all he truly wanted, was for “civilization to have a common digital town square“, as well.

Never mind the fact that Musk, who is attempting to rebrand himself as civil discourse’s last great hope, once personally canceled an order for a custom TESLA, after its originator, a blogger and venture capitalist named Stewart Alsop, wrote an open letter to Musk disparaging what he thought was a badly run presentation event featuring the Tesla Motors Model X.

Yup…Musk just wants all of us to get along in the new online Utopia he’s currently in the middle of reshaping, hence the reason why he immediately gutted Twitter’s moderation team, which even on the best of its collective days, was barely holding the skein of decorum together.

Despite this glaring hypocrisy, Conservatives as to be expected, cheered Musk’s purchase of Twitter as nothing less than a flawless victory for the protection of Free Speech, and continue to do so, despite the fact that private corporations are in no way, legally bound to the concept of such. A reality that you would think that such staunch defenders of the Constitution would already know and respect, but here we find ourselves, nonetheless.

And even though at the time of this writing, Mush has single-handedly decimated its workforce, lost half its advertisers, and managed to allow an influx of hate speech at a rate not seen since Trump initially weaponized it, to serve as his version of the NAZI’s *RVMP, Musk’s takeover is shockingly (?) becoming widely regarded as being, even at its best, an essentially Pyrrhic accomplishment.
*[Reichsministerium für Volksaufklärung und Propaganda]

Musk’s ever-escalating fall from grace, due in large part to his childish aggrandizement of petty feuds with those who validly criticize Musk’s exceedingly schizophrenic so-called management style, has only widened the chasm of mistrust between him and Twitter’s once rock-solid base of high-profile accounts as well, a shift in site-drawing-power demographics, that he quite literally, can’t afford to lose.

Whereas Spring and the others of his ignorant ilk are concerned though, such detriments are perfectly acceptable, because in their warped worldview, Musk is their stalwart conquistador of the Conservative movement, and as we’ve seen from their incessant gushing online, they also believe that he is singlehandedly, if not doggedly, eradicating all that is “woke” from Twitter.

But what, pray tell, is the definition of “woke”, exactly? Well according to Spring, it’s this:

Definition of Irony: ”The use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning”, and man oh man, does Spring ever deliver on that, does he not? Especially when we all recall how he continually blames the unjust ills of society on the LGBTQ Community, immigrants, African-American athletes, and non-Christians.

In Spring’s world, “woke” can best be translated as the most irksome of social elements that he finds truly vexing. You know, things such as logic-based points of view, positive representations of diverse lifestyles, verified intellect, the fomentation of accurate scientific knowledge, and the intolerance of hateful, bigoted, misogynistic, and racist language designed to harass, intimidate, and divide?

And just don’t take my word for it, for Musk himself tweeted as much, and Spring, ever the reliable regurgitating parrot, happily shared it with his Klan. Oops… that should have read “clan”, but you say “tomato”, I say “tomato” Either one works:

For those of you keeping track, this declaration regarding people being “armored in false virtue” was brought to us all, by a walking hypocritical representation of narcissistic personality disorder, who, after offering to assist the world towards achieving its own betterment, decided instead, to buy a new toy that he could deliberately break without consequence, because it had once dared to be mean to him.

And mind you that he did so, without even having the courage to tweet the lamest of excuses as to why he pulled such an inhumane stunt to begin with. Despite this cravenness, or maybe because of it, as Time marches on, the truth behind his machinations, become fairly crystalline to us all, save for those that practice Spring’s brand of Christian conservatism, of course.

I’d like to take this time to point out that Conservatives across the board aren’t mad at Musk for refusing to use his vast wealth to aid the mankind that he claims to love, which isn’t all that surprising, when you take into account that they’re also not mad at Trump for the reasons you’d expect, such as his lies, adultery, sexual perversion or his acts of alleged Treason.

No, they’re upset that his toxicity may have cost them the power advantage that they so desperately crave, which is concurrently, the very same reason why they’ve been willing to blatantly overlook Herschel Walker’s parallel acts of close to the same. At this point, the only way that Musk would incur the wrath of the GQP faithful, would be if he actually developed bath a working conscience, if not a functional personality that could pass for human.

And as a self-declared Christian, you would think that Spring would be at least somewhat offended that Musk not only revoked his offer, but also ignores the lesson notated in  Isaiah 58:7: “Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help.”.

There’s also this gem, found in Isaiah 58:10: “If you give some of your own food to [feed] those who are hungry and to satisfy [the needs of] those who are humble, then your light will rise in the dark, and your darkness will become as bright as the noonday sun.”

But for my money, I think that the best passage that could be attributed as relating directly as to what Musk should aspire to be, would be drawn from Ezekiel 18:7: “He is a merciful creditor, not keeping the items given as security by poor debtors. He does not rob the poor but instead gives food to the hungry and provides clothes for the needy.

But such character flaws are mere trivialities for Spring, who like most Conservatives these days, places unquestioning faith in the erroneous construct that if a person is financially successful beyond the pale of what once was considered to be normal, then the varying whims of that person, must be adhered to as if they were the Holy Gospels themselves, because they have the qualifications to back them up:

Oh, did I refer to their inane notions as “qualifications”? I meant to say “undue economic influence”, instead. My sincerest apologies, all around. It must be nice to have the luxury of having no political, cultural, statistical, or technical background, while you demand action concerning topics that have no standing in either your purview, or your range of experiences.

Check out the headlines for context, if you would: Musk isn’t defined as being an “innovator” for his involvement with the electric car industry, nor is he pictured as a “philanthropist” either, although from the information detailed above, it’s pretty obvious why he isn’t. Nope, he’s the “World’s Richest Man”, and that’s all you need know, in relation as to why he can demand the ludicrous, as if he were America’s de facto Emperor.

Musk may have more money than God himself, but it can’t masquerade the reality that he also lacks, and quite evidently so, any indication of possessing the merest measure of a political skillset.

In all due fairness, I as well, may also have quite the dearth of knowledge in concern to same said arena, but just speaking off the top of my head, I’d assume that any individual who’s pushing for a serious investigation to be undertaken, regardless of who they may be, would need at least some sizeable degree of such, as well as proof of their claims.

That is, if they wanted to successfully assume an air of verified credibility among their peers, or even the people that they deride as mere commoners. Yet, despite having ZERO prosecutorial experience, and an allegedly unethical background based on profiting off others innovations, Musk honestly believes that he can just haughtily snap his fingers, and the Dogs of War will come a-running his way, and do his narcissistic bidding.

This seems to be a common denominator for Spring- the veneration of wannabe strongmen entrenched within positions of power and supreme authority that they neither earned, deserve, or know how to selflessly implement, for the betterment of others

And as I’m splitting a few metaphorical hairs already, I find it interesting that Spring can seemingly rail for hours about America’s indigent utilizing social aid programs, while in tandem, turning a blind eye to the practice of corporate welfare, which in realty affects him, and his ever-sealed coin-purse, far more personally.

Being rich, shouldn’t give you any more additional power over anyone else on this planet, save for getting the best takes in restaurants, front-row concert tickets, a room full of custom-made lightsabers, and maybe unfettered access to a few super-models’ personal phone numbers, because let’s face it, dating is hard, when you’ve got to take a private jet with you everywhere you go.

So, to recap: Spring’s paying (literally) for tax breaks directly benefiting a billionaire who’s refused to follow-through on his promise to feed the hungry of the world, is more than acceptable, but feeding said starving and disadvantaged individuals for a lesser cost, using tax revenue, is not.

Well then, I guess us overly “woke” commie-pinko-tree-hugging-soy-chugging-heathen can feel free to go straight to allegorical hell, because he’s a Christian don’t you know, and therefore, far more moral than any of us will ever be. Referencing such, I’d like to point out to Spring, that his alleged Savior and Father of All, was himself, so him-damned “woke”, that the Romans specifically made him into a Catholic wall decoration, because of it.

Spring overall, doesn’t believe in handouts, which I can understand, as I feel that at times, people do occasionally need to figure out the solution to an issue on their own. A crucible of concern hardens the soul, and all that. But then again, Spring also doesn’t seem to place much stock in hand-ups either, and that’s where we find ourselves parting ways, yet again.

But as I slowly shut-down this three-part story arc regarding Spring, I’d like to go out on a note that for me at least, nails his inherent hypocrisy to the floor, and it involves a tangent that I’m sure none of you saw coming. Much like Spring’s fixation with drag queens, he’s got quite the equal hate-on for the issue of forgiving the burden of untenable student debt, despite the edicts to be found within his never-opened copy of the Bible.

For instance, Deuteronomy 15:1-2, commands that; “At the end of every seven years, you shall grant a release. And this is the manner of the release: every creditor shall release what he has lent to his neighbor. He shall not exact it of his neighbor, his brother, because the Lord’s release has been proclaimed.”  Matthew 6:12, says; “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

The disciple Paul goes one step further, and takes on additional burden via Philemon 1:18, by asserting; “But if he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge that to my account.” Spring apparently, missed those sections, although I don’t know if his oversight was due to poor comprehension, or seemingly poor character.

But to be fair, it’s not like he obsesses over it that much:

Well okay, maybe he does a little bit, but in his very limited defense, if he’s preoccupied online harping about a non-issue that don’t affect him one iota, then there’s less of a chance that he’ll be composing any more of that god-awful poetry of his, that I presented to you the last time that we all gathered here.

As the saying goes; “Sometimes you have to take the Bitter with the Sweet.“, and as Spring’s mythical Lord knits far too well, Spring is all about being the best at being bitter, even when the situation at hand, doesn’t affect his life at all:

Two things I’d like to call attention to, in regards to these two memes; to begin, I’m fairly confident that Spring has no idea what character is being misrepresented in the first, and as to the second, one’s intelligence and being trapped within a rigged payments system has absolutely no correlation with each other.

I’d also like to assert that whatever degree titular pothead Jeff Spicoli may feel that he’s co-earned via his taxes being redirected to ease a huge problem of ecnomids, it obviously wasn’t one concerning the English language, due to the fact that whomever created this tripe, forgot to add a question mark at the end of Spicoli’s asinine query.

Nevertheless, Spring’s attack on the learned, does reveal a blatant contempt for those who allegedly unlike him, chose to better either themselves or their situation, by reaping the benefits of a higher education, and it’s an odious card that he likes to play whenever possible:

Starting with the first post, let us now engage in shredding this hypocritical hysteria, into a pile of failed Conservative talking points, if only to force-feed them to Spring’s selective amnesia.  If I read this correctly, Spring takes great offense at persons not honoring their financial agreements, and feels that they shouldn’t be allocated any form of grace, for doing so. 

Interesting…  I have to wonder then, how Spring truly feels about his mango-man-child defaulting on loans connected directly to Trump Tower in Chicago, and its unfortunate creditors who found themselves forced to forgive the $287 million in debt that Trump owed, and has as of yet, to pay so much as a dime back, to honor his agreements that he made supposedly in good faith.

And the reason why I have to “wonder” this, is because Spring has yet to say or post anything in regard to Trump’s long (and well-documented) history of taking the money, and then running for the allegoric hills. As it stands, it’s been estimated that Trump and his assorted companies, owe an estimated $1.3B, but I can only assume that Spring never got that memo.

Nr has our ever so faux offended dimwitted demagogue ever mentioned the fact that several Republican U.S. congressional representative, such as Ralph Norman, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Gregory Pence, Vern Buchanan, Kevin Hern, Roger Williams, Mike Kelly, Vicki Hartzler, and Carol Miller, all had their PPP loans forgiven outright, despite having the financial wherewithal to pay them back in full.

As I try to play Devil’s Advocate on occasion, I’d like to think that maybe this omission isn’t a case of Spring exercising his hypocrisy yet again, considering how many of the people listed above have come out against debt relief, but maybe it’s because he hasn’t found the “Right” meme to express his frustration at this act of arrogant disingenuousness yet.

One can only hope.

Moving on to our second fillet of the day, Spring employs a wide array of ideological tropes here, and yet somehow, fails to leave a scratch. This could be in part to the reality that his “joke” isn’t even remotely funny, but I feel that its weakness is that once again, he has no f**king idea what he’s babbling about.

On average, it takes about two decades for your typical student loan recipient, to pay off their loan debt, with higher echelon debtors, sometimes taking almost five times as long to do so. In addendum, 21% of borrowers see their total debt balance increase in the first 5 years of their loan, due to what should be, (in a moral world) considered an unethical practice, which keeps said debtors trapped in a cycle of paying on their interest, rather than their principal debt.

Nonetheless, Spring, ever the pragmatist, has definitive solutions to this conundrum, and they’re so simple, that the reality of them never having been applied before to the situation, is quite amazing:

Damn, is that some serious out of the box thinking going on there, or what? Can you imagine the difference that could have occurred, if only such sage advice had been forcibly implemented into the pool of common good, decades ago? That would have owned those stinking Libs like nobody’s business, let me tell you.

So, if it’s unfair for taxpayers to pay for “what you want”, then why is it okay for same said taxpayers to foot the bill for the taxation shortfall of corporate welfare, and the personal vanity projects of billionaires, such as sports stadiums and spaceships that accomplish nothing of scientific value, save for correctly measuring the size of their respectively oversized egos?

However, it’s concerning the second posting where Soring’s inanity truly shines in its full glory, as I would love to know just what particulars, pray tell, would Jimmy Ray here, constitute as a “worthless degree”? We’ve already seen with our own eyes that he doesn’t seemingly believe in science, economic statistics, equally-dispersed civil rights, or anything related to cultural pursuits, so what’s really left to explore?

Definitely not anything that Spring would find worth supporting, that’s for sure, and as you may have already surmised, he has a reason readily available as to why that is:

For the record, there’s a huge chasm in between the right to have an abortion, and the pursuit of a purposefully overpriced education, but as Spring is a jackass, such subtleties are far beyond the reach of his limited intellectual grasp. Granted, his said grip on reality may be lacking, but his adeptness at mixing the disparate together to prop up his unwarranted smugness, is definitely on point.

As to the second post of Spring’s, inferring that paying off one’s non-decreasing incurred debt can be accomplished via jobs that thanks to the GQP consistently fighting wage increases, literally keeps the working class treading allegoric water, just above the official poverty line?

Well, Spring’s not going to let a triviality such as verified economic data regarding a social topic and governmental procedure that he’s done zero research on, prevent him from finding a convenient scapegoat for an issue that as noted previously, doesn’t affect him at all.

These moronic memes aside, I knew that rest assured, that Spring, ever the picture of overly arrogant density, was just warming up his asinine pitching of intellectually void condescension, and he did not disappoint me in regards to my dead-on assessment, by pulling in an equally cerebral powerhouse “celebrity” who I referenced earlier in this screed, as ideological backup:

If I may let me offer all my Conservative stalkers out there a small piece of politically astute advice; if you’re going to choose a spokesman, nay a sociopolitical champion, perhaps the screening process that you use, should demand stronger qualifications than an ability to swing a plastic sword and fight low-budget CGI monsters.

Just some gratis practical wisdom, from me to you.

Sorbo, who’s best known these days for whining on conservative media that he, like Tim Allen, has been “blacklisted” in Hollywood due to his political beliefs, and not his one-note acting style, may actually be on to something in concern to useless digress, as his double major in marketing and advertising awarded by Minnesota State University Moorhead, sure came in handy when in order to pay his tuition, he was forced to work as a model for print and television advertising.

And given the lack of notably visible acting roles he’s had since his 90’s TV show Hercules spawned a far more successful spin-off, [AKA: “Xena: Warrior Princess”] it’s a sure bet that he hasn’t really used either degree to any discernible advantage since he received them. But please, my D-lister guy who “stars” in movies that go directly to the discount DVD bins at Walmart, give us your deepest of thoughts regarding educational relevance.

I will admit however begrudgingly, that I do like Sorbo’s joke, because it’s ironically funny. While it’s true that 40% of commercial plastics are used only once, I could say that in regards to Sorbo’s so-called body of work, at least 95% of his artistic endeavors share the same set of statistics, and are then relegated to either being re gifted, or donated to his permanent movie archive, which fortuitously, also doubles as the aforementioned discount DVD bins at Walmart.

Spring’s informational reliance on the washed-up and the irrelevant is both amusing, and somewhat unsettling, given the fact that while he’ll swallow anything that these morons regurgitate, he’ll heap scorn upon those who are actually in the know of things, and to be more accurate, far more successful and educated in how the world works, than he’ll ever be.

And if Spring sees an opportunity for a cheap shot at the same, rest assured, he’ll take it:

Wow. Just…  wow. I’ve heard of beating a dead horse into dust as an allegorical construct, but I had no idea that you could actually formulate it into an actual reality, such as Spring so often does. For sanity’s sake, I’m not going to rehash AOC’s previously listed educational merits, but rest assured, I’d call dollars to doughnuts, that they beat Spring’s, without breaking a sweat.

I’m not going to say I’m impressed by Spring’s misogyny, but I also can’t deny his inherent skillset in displaying it, either. We get it, Jimmy Ray- the pretty girl is far smarter and more successful than you, and even worse, better regarded as well, but you really need to move past that, as I’m fairly confident that you can’t give me one credible reason for your dislike of her, save for the fact she’s a Liberal, and a strongly opinionated woman.

However, Spring, ever the asinine faux academic, believes that he knows best, and despite the obvious contradictions imposed upon his erroneous delusion by Reality, still felt the need to display even more of his smugly obsequious arrogance, by regurgitating an ideological talking point he doesn’t understand to begin with:

Quick question, if I may? Please raise your hands if any of your hard-earned money has ever been taken by “force”, and then unjustly used to pay back someone else’s debt. Anyone? Anyone at all? Well, that seems weird… it’s almost as if Sporing has bever heard of the concept of tax revenue, which after being collected, is gehen utilized to pay for all sorts of things, ranging from crucial infrastructure, to filling the aforementioned tax void created by the greed of the 1%

And as for the “evil people’ that Spring so adamantly fears, I can only assume that he’s referring to the persons who now having been relieved of their blatantly rigged and unethical debt, will find themselves contributing to not only the national economy, but our national strength as well, due to having their education being a benefit for all, and not a burden, as our knuckle-dragging demagogue so wrongly like to infer.

However, I really can’t assign singular blame to Spring for brainlessly disseminating this kind of puerility, because to be fair, it’s not like he’s the craftsman of the idea to begin with. As it’s been noted, Spring is no more than a hateful regurgitating partisan parrot, and as such, he’s going to take his cues from those that shake his cage, even if it’s only to keep him distracted from their long game:  

Ah yes… it’s the educated “Elites” that we really need to worry about, says Jim (“I covered up a collegiate sex-scandal”) Jordan, the spineless congressman whose innate ability to simultaneously lick both the boots and balls of the one-percent, is quickly becoming legend among his fellow GQP toadies, if not providing the fuel for their collective jealous envy.

Let’s cut the bullspit here- what Jordan fears most, isn’t the tax burden America may face in relation to forgiving educational debt, it’s a learned populace that once made capable of critical thinking, won’t buy the sh**-soap that he sells, 24/7. That’s it, in a nutshell.

Isn’t it interesting though, that when it comes to underwriting war and making billionaires even more monetarily comfortable, the GQP can’t cut the allegoric checks fast enough, but if it’s dare suggested that the poor and wiring class need a comparable financial bulwark, then holy dead guy nailed to a cross, you might have as well walked into a Hobby Lobby, and said “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”, like a true American is supposed to do.

As a counter-point to Jordan’s commentary of “Why should a…”, Ill retort with this- first, why does every GQP bought-and-paid-for slimeball, automatically issue the pathetic slur that the people suffering under the crippling weight of inescapable debt, are endowed with useless degrees? I for one, would rather be trapped in an elevator with a philosophy major, then find myself doing the same with a morally rudderless creep, who, deliberately allowed the college athletes under his purview, to be openly, and repeatedly, sexually victimized.

I do have a question for “Gym” Jordan though, and I feel that it’s relevant, so here goes: why should my taxes pay for the unjustified salary of a cravenly toady who has done absolutely nothing of any note, to help the people he’s supposed to ethically represent? A conversation for another time I’d suggest, but I already know that Jordan like Spring, prefers to duck the tough questions when they find themselves cornered by their own flawed hubris.

Excessive pride, or in Spring’s case the delusional faith that he alone is right, and it’s the rest of the world that’s wrong, is not an aspect of character that’s unique to Spring alone, mind you, it is, for all intents and purposes, a founding cornerstone of Conservatism’s condescending sense of moral superiority, which as we’ve seen over the years, is more transparent than window glass, and as fragile as a cracked egg.

And nowhere is this opinion of mine put to the test better, if not harder, than when same said Neo-cons think that they’re the ones getting the short end of the non-existent stick. Hilariously though, their solution for getting out of a situation that was wholly imaginary to begin with, can also be quite the delight to observe from a distance, especially when the resolution to be enacted, is just as absurd:

Reading this, I’m sure that you almost immediately caught the same financial discrepancy that I did, and it centers on the actual cost of the student loan forgiveness program that’s being currently proposed by the Biden administration. As seen above, one of Spring’s unverified memes claims that the eventual cost of its implementation would be around $900B, but now, it’s found itself reduced to “only” 3.9B?

As you might surmise, this is not the case at all, for as usual, Spring found himself with his wires crossed, regarding a topic that he didn’t bother to research. A state of affairs that with Spring, seems far more of an inherent character trait, than an occasional deviation.

What Spring has misrepresented here, is the decision by the Department of Education to cancel nearly $4B worth of federal student loans for 208,000 borrowers who were allegedly defrauded by the for-profit institution, known as the ITT Technical Institute, which closed its allegoric doors in 2016, after nearly five decades of operation.

This decision, following multiple (and verified) state and federal investigations into ITT’s supposedly aggressive recruiting and predatory loan practices, came after years of complaints concerning the institution’s scores of defaults on said educational loans, misrepresentation of job placement success, and the overall ethics of their business practices.

And while the principled lapses of the ITT organization are applicable to the overall issue of student loan forgiveness, its relevance is only as a footnote at best, and not as an ongoing facet of the insidious plot that Spring has constructed within the vacuous space known as his head.

That is of course, unless you consider the offering of Bachelor of Science degrees in Information Systems and Cybersecurity, Software Development, Electrical Engineering Technology, Electrical Engineering and Communications Technology, and Project Management and Administration, as “Leftist Communist Baloney”.

If anything, overcharging the unwary and deliberately screwing them over for unfettered profit while failing to deliver on the numerous promises you made them, seems more in line with how the Conservative movement approaches almost every real-life situation, but for the sake of both my sanity and yours, I’ll digress for now.

However, let us not lose sight of just who the “real” victim of ITT’s unscrupulousness is here, and that would be Spring himself, and to a far greater extent, the $3.9B of “his” money, that was pilfered by those running this shell game. Granted, I could argue that Spring’s “investment” was no more or no less than the cost he already pays to support the one-percent not paying their fair share, but why ruin a good tale of unfounded victimization?

As I opined earlier within this screed; “Spring overall, doesn’t believe in handouts”, but it’s also fairly obvious that as a self-declared Christian, he doesn’t seemingly place much stock in the concept of offering a charitable hand-up to the ill-treated, either.

In essence, Spring strikes me as the type of guy who if he had found himself on the Titanic, not only would have donned a dress in order to save only himself, he would have commandeered the charge of a nearly-empty lifeboat as well, and then demanded that his fellow passengers remove themselves from it, for the sake of his personal legroom.

Despite all this though, I still feel that we should take a serious look at Spring’s idea for rectifying what he considers to be the proliferation of “Wokeism” in American schools, Granted, back in my school days, it was called “teaching actual American History, Science, and Civics”, but why quibble over petty semantics, when we can all collectively discover just how deep Spring’s rabbit-hole of fetid density truly is?

Lest we have forgotten, Spring was born of a different age, where the free-range occurrences of lead poisoning were omnipresent in everything from the air that he breathed, to the water that he drank as a child, so maybe I shouldn’t besmirch the arrogantly uniformed harangues of a person that’s been so obviously ravaged by the effects of undiagnosed brain damage, just quite yet.

That being said, I do have to admit that the application of Archery as a literal defense against the alleged wokeness of the Liberal Arts, is truly a refreshingly original gambit worthy of praise, even if the financial backers of such, are the ones most directly responsible for the maintenance of the gun violence that plagues what was once considered to be, a relatively non-fatal environment.

Now, as I’ve never studied the craft of archery past watching the occasional Robin Hood movie, I’m not entirely sure how the launching of overly pointy sticks into stationary targets, counters the liberal agenda of presenting the world as it actually exists, but I’m sure that in Spring’s warped estimation, such nonsensical assumptions will eventually work themselves out, in all due time.

Just a personal insight, if I can offer such a thing. In my high-school days (1983-1987) I took the standard three R’s, and a bunch of elective classes, ranging from Humanities to Home Ec. And while I can still offer up a good party trick in the form of reciting Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s epic poem “Kubla Khan (Or, a vision in a dream. A Fragment)” almost word for word, it’s never been quite the deal-closer half as much as my recipe for four-cheese lasagna, has been.

Nevertheless, I’ve never found myself facing a critical situation where my inherent knowledge of Archery, has ever been a primary factor in realigning my world. Well, outside of defending my homestead from the occasional attack by an Apache war-party, that is. But let’s face it, who among us, hasn’t gone through something like that at least once?

What was that? Nobody has, since roughly 1887 or so? My apologies. But on the bright side, Spring can always depend on those classes that teach students the skills necessary to become a successful Pinsetter, Physiognomist, Bematist, Lamplighter, Ice Cutter, Switchboard Operator, Phrenologist, Telegraphist, or a Daguerreotypist, so at least he has that to hold on to

I’m sorry, did you just say that all of those jobs are now obsolete?

Well, I’m not going to be the one who tells him. He doesn’t seem to handle reality very well as a rule, and I really don’t want to see yet another one of his ignorant observations freaking out over that which is socially and culturally non-existent. And besides, it’s not like he truly thinks that a liberal-leaning education will have any kind of direct impact upon the world as we currently know it, am I right?

Of course, I am. How could I not be? After all, it’s not as if he’s got an abominably stupid meme just waiting in the wings to refute my opinion, because seriously… what would be the odds of that?

Dammit. To quote Captain America in “Avengers: Age of Ultron”;

So, to recap Spring’s inanity, if we don’t immediately introduce the teaching of archery into our public schools, our children will in due time, become Riot Girl stereotypes harassed by an as yet unnamed communistic army, because they were taught actual history, rather than the inherently false manufactured propaganda of the GQP.

Now that I’m aware of this, I’d suggest that if we’re going to have any chance avoiding this hellishly cartoonish dystopia that the ever-shrieking voices in Spring’s otherwise purposelessness brain have created, maybe we also ought to demand that castle-fortification, flintknapping, armoring, bronze-forging, leech-collecting, alchemy, and reading tea-leaves, should be in the curriculum, too.

One other thing that Spring may also want to consider adding to the public education prospectus, is the instructing of remaining steadfast to one’s openly stated convictions, regardless of the status quo regarding them. That is to say, you can’t be both pro-something and anti-something, in concern to the same thing, at the same time. But leave it to Spring, ever the nonconformist, to do just that:

I have to admit, even I like this absurdity. On the one hand, Spring is pushing for the promotion of Free Enterprise, because it allegedly helps human prosperity, but once such an entity hits a certain level of said affluence, it then becomes the enemy for Spring, if it doesn’t willingly redistribute the wealth it’s obtained, to the demographic that it originally profited from.

If I didn’t know better, I’d almost think that Spring was espousing that the lauded institutions of Harvard and Yale, should engage in some variant of Socialism. You know the left-wing economic philosophy that Spring despises whenever it’s applied to the disadvantaged, but is seemingly okay with, when the end recipients are billionaires?

Once again, Spring’s narrative that the working-class truck drivers and plumbers will bear the burden of Biden’s plan is laughable, if not highly inaccurate. Other than the fact that those two trades pay some of the highest wages, even in the corporation-ruled serf-land that is America, the tax drain that Soring and his fellow citizens face due to the 1% not paying their fair share, is far, far worse. 

But don’t ever tell Spring that, because in his heart, he knows what’s what, and who’s who, in his game of blame, and nobody is going to suggest otherwise. If it’s not the fault of the Left, then it’s the fault of his other go-to scapegoats: the poor, the non-Caucasian, the LGBTQ’, the non-Christian, agents of the Deep State, the Communists, or whomever FOX News told him to hate that hour.

Rest assured though, that regardless of whatever evidentiary proof is provided to Spring, the adversary he will deign as accountable for all the sins of unfettered Capitalism, is never to be the Rich, the Powerful, and most certainly, never the Conservative.

For Spring to admit to his partial complicity in carrying the proverbial torch for the political entity that has purposefully done more to tear this country asunder, then it has to restore it to its once former glory, would require a direct act of the God whom he does not truly represent, and given how he already sees the world entire, what would be the point of his doing so, anyways?

In his twisted mindscape, Spring sees enemies simply everywhere, regardless if his gaze falls upon our government, our popular culture, our entertainment, and I can only assume, under his own bed late at night- an area which I’m sure he triple-checks for the presence of errant drag queens who might want to read him a bedtime story. That is, when he’s not hiding in the closet, failing to deal with that same said obsession of his.

However, and despite all that, this is where it really gets kind of weird. As noted, Spring has made his stance regarding the forgiveness of student loan debt fairly clear, and notwithstanding the idiocy that underpins it, he does have the right to say what he says, and the right to believe what he wants to believe. And even with all my mocking concerning such, I would never dare suggest that he shouldn’t be able to.

And yet given his track record of posting contradictory opinions, I’m nit entirely sold on the concept that even Spring knows just what metaphorical hills he’ll willingly die on, as evidenced here:

Sigh… unexpected plot twists like this, are what makes me seriously contemplate that one day, I need to just chuck it all into the allegoric bin, and start doing heroin at a rate that even jazz musicians would find truly impressive, if not somewhat immensely concerning.

Therefore, the question that naturally arises from reading these two posts, is thus: just what in the “F” does Spring actually believe? Is je for educating the masses, or does he in all actuality, prefer that the majority remains just as willingly uniformed as he seems to be? At this point, I’m not sure if even Spring knows the definitive truth himself, and I doubt he ever will.

However, over the course of three screeds, and using nothing save fir his own words, we’ve all seen just who Spring truly is, and what he’s allegedly comfortable sharing with the denizens of the World Wide Web: vile racism, outdated misogyny, abominable xenophobia, ignorant homophobia, hateful transphobia, and not unexpectedly, a well of personal and religious hypocrisy so deep, that even *Victor Vescovo himself, couldn’t find the bottom of it.
*[Google it]

And all of it freely presented, without a hint of remorse or the merest glimpse of self-reflection.

In the end, and as much as I’d like to label Spring as nothing more than a relic of a bygone age, he serves as one of the strongest reminders that there is an ideological cancer that’s currently infesting the soul, culture, and humanity of America, and as such, dismissing him and his ilk as being nothing more just brainless regurgitating parrots, spewing the inanity of the modern-day GQP, would be a mistake of epic proportions, that we as a country, can ill afford to make…

AGAIN.

This right here, boys and girls, is what results when you deliberately ignore the hate-babbling undercurrents brewing within your country, as well as the conspiracy theories, targeted propaganda, and the mentally-ill candidates, that the GQP produces as if it were a Chinese bootleg DVD factory mainlining black-market steroids.

Lest we forget, all revolutions based in nobility were jump-started by a single person saying “Enough!”, and motivating like-minded others to do the same. Disturbingly, that’s also how insurrections and coups launch as well, as we all experienced on January 6th, 2020.

But as I close out this three-story-arc involving Spring, I’d like to do so with one last slice of his inherent hypocrisy, which if anything, is the lone character quirk that he has in buckets. To recap, I’ve presented numerous examples of Spring’s unwarranted attacks and/or unsupported by credible evidence, opinions on a range of topics. most of them being uniformed, quite a few that are unhinged, and some that inadvertently turn out to be comical, due to their ironic unawareness.

The list in rough order included; assertions of non-existent election fraud, corporations promoting pedophilia, numerous anti- gay  and anti-trans sentiments, ignorant slurs regarding the practice of atheism, false accusations about imaginary Christian “persecution”, misogynistic disinformation about abortion rights and crudity concerning women’s physical appearance, a repulsive “joke” abut the act of rape, and lies about Trump supporters being killed due to their political beliefs.

There were also veiled slurs regarding African-American athletes [specifically, WNBA star Brittney Griner and the NFL’s Colin Kapernick] who dared protest police brutality by taking a knee before games, and an assertion that the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, would not

have supported such an action, fir the reason that; (and I quote directly) “he would have known the backlash”.

Something that didn’t bother Spring when he expressed support for both antisemite Kanye West and conservative token, Candace Owens. Continuing on, Spring launched harangues against the undocumented aliens fleeing to America, a limp-wristed attempted bitch-slap in regards to the still-well-regarded 44th US President Barrack Obama, as well as his wife Michelle, because… well, why not?

After all, she does dare to be Black in public as well, and that should be more than enough, right? And as we came to the end of this screed, we all got to see just how sympathetically our self-declared Christian handled the concept of extending charity towards the financially incarcerated.

Spring then bested himself, by topping it all off with a sampling of personal poetry so vapidly saccharine, that even the mythical Vogons from the seminal “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”, would willingly choose to find themselves consumed slowly by a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, rather than be subjected to a second reading of it.

For those unfamiliar with my reference, it has been strongly suggested, if not outright recommended, that you should; “On no account allow a Vogon to read poetry at you”, due to the fact that Vogon poetry, [according to the “Guide”] is considered to be the third worst in the Universe.

The second worst, is that of the Azgoths of Kria, and the worst was by Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex, who, as it was also noted in the Guide, perished along with her poetry, during the destruction of Earth, which was ironically caused by the Vogons themselves.

However, after perusing Spring’s masochistic mangling of the poetic craft, I believe that if given the choice, I would not only nominate his treacle-laden butchery as a viable substitute for the fictionally late Ms. Millstone’s body of work, I’d also, and quite happily at that, french-kiss a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal as well, if only to avoid ever having to read it again.

Happily though, we’ve finally reached the end of Spring’s travels within the Snarklands, and as I stamp his puerile passport for what I truly hope will be the last time, I’d like to remind you all of that earlier moment when I noted that due to their ironic self-unawareness, some of Spring’s postings were inadvertently comical.

And as I shut the metaphorical door in Spring’s face, I can’t think of a better way to do so, then by presenting this last hypocritical slice of self-ownership, which if anything, perfectly illustrates how far out of touch Spring actually is with himself, his actions, and definitive reality:  

This is quite honestly, some very good advice. Screw that- it’s great advice. Or it would be, if it wasn’t coming from the vilely malignant maw of a racist, misogynistic, homophobic, xenophobic, willingly misinformed, oft-times contradictory, transphobic, faux-Christian hypocrite.

If we were to strictly follow the guidelines set in stone before us by Spring, then I just have to ask that which is obvious: as he himself, can do none of these things with the merest sense of competence or credibly, then at what stage of development is he currently at? A zealous zygote? A nattering newborn? An inane infant? A temperamental toddler? A craven child? Or a pustulant pre-teen?

Easy answer: he’s none of those. He’s just another angry and politically impotent demagogue, seeking the adulation that he’s never been given or been able to craft for himself. And that’s it. No mystery. Ni dark secrets. Just another self-disenfranchised American, looking for the next scapegoat to blame for his well-deserved irrelevance.

There’s an old saying that goes; “You don’t really die until your name is mentioned for the very last time”, an observation that I for one, have always found to be somewhat profound. I would suggest, that given Spring’s lack of discernible humanity, empathy, sympathy, and civil decency, we go one better to get ahead of that “last mention” parable, and never utter his name, ever again.

Just like Spring decided to do with the boundaries of Reality, quite some time ago.

 

“When we don’t know who to hate, we hate ourselves.”- Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Dope Springs Infernal PT.2 (Herald of Hypocrisy.)

“Atheists have not produced so much evil as hypocrites have produced, or even simply those who preached God without being prepared for Him, daring to pronounce His name with unsanctified lips.” – Nikolai Gogol

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

Is today not a splendidly wonderful day? The birds are singing, the sun is shining, the clouds are ever so puffy, and Rush Limbaugh is still dead. Truly, a glorious diurnal all around, if I do say myself, and I do. In fact, I’m in such a good mood, I may even try to get through this, my newest of screeds, without once referencing Milla Jovovich, Ding Dongs, or my dual hatred of both Nickelback, and the malevolent scourge that is the “Renegade Cut” of “Highlander II: The Quickening”.

Please note that I did clearly, say “try”. After all, I’m only human, and a good joke is still a good joke, no matter how many times you’re retreaded it. And if you don’t believe me, just ask Chad Kroeger, the lead singer of Nickelback, who’s literally cloned the same guitar riff so many times, that the Ethics Committee of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, has started sending him cease and desist letters.

As I stated in my earlier disclaimer, I did say that I would “try”, did I not?  And if once again, you think that I’m being overly harsh to Kroeger and Company, just keep in mind that the informational tidbit I’m about to present is not a joke- somebody high up in the Canadian government feels just as I do, and saw the usefulness of taking the dreck that is Nickelback’s musical catalogue, and weaponized it for the greater good:

What this relates to, is the story that the Canadian-based Kensington Police Service, recently threatened to punish drunken driving suspects by playing Nickelback in their squad cars, which I am sure on some level, just has to be a blatant violation of the Nuremberg Code.

Sometimes, you just have to accept that your personal character is not nearly as strong as you think it is, and just learn how to deal with the fallout of such. But sadly, this is a lesson that some, despite repeated exposure to the sageness of its teachings, never seem to learn.

Like this prime example of what happens,when a discount knock-off Bible mates with a displaced cave troll, and then leaves the resulting baby outside of a Trump rally, relying on the faint hope that the White Supremacists gathered inside, will find the Hellspawn, and raise it as if it were one of their own:

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have the pleasure of introducing you all. to one James Ray Springs: proud Oklahoman. Loyal American Patriot. Slavishly devoted MAGAt. Also, balding.

And as you’d expect from the descriptors listed above, a 100% full-on Cafeteria Christian, to boot.

Weird how those always seem to go together, isn’t it?

But James is so much more than your stereotypical Trumpanzee, as you shall come to see. If anything, he’s the poster boy for just why it’s so necessary to fund both public education, if not access to birth control.

And he proves it almost every time he posts, which fortunately for me, is often.

Now, I will admit that as a rule, I really do enjoy what I do for both personal relaxation and profit, and when it comes to punching metaphorical holes in the floor of the bloviating boat that is modern-day conservatism, nothing makes me happier than finding an undiscovered reservoir of Republican abominableness, and James here, easily provides that without even breaking a sweat.

I swear on all that is unholy, that when the receipts are finally tabulated, I’m gonna bet that this twat-waffling Trumptard may just be the most productive moron that I’ve ever written about, save for my prior literary endeavors featuring two of my favorite human scratching posts, *Ken Cykala and *Ruth Darlene Seawolf, and both of those, clueless as they are, were stallions when it came to the propagating of conservative density. *[Check out the AB “Archive”]

But when it comes to Spring, he’s truly special. Protective headgear and short-bus privileges all the way, and I honestly do mean that as a compliment. Until he came across my radar, I didn’t know, or even believe, that I could enjoy a literal walking personification of a bumper sticker, half as much as I do him.

Like a Super-Walmart based in Hell, Spring offers it all, and at a far below retail price: Racism, Misogyny, Transphobia, Homophobia, Xenophobia, Conspiracy Theories, intrusive Pro-Life ideology, Cultural Distrust, and my personal favorite, absurdly blatant religious hypocrisy, which if I were to gush over anything he does, seems to be Spring’s masterwork in legacy building: .

Sigh… as you will see, Spring’s main forte is to get things wrong- sometimes by degrees, but typically, when he does so, he misses the point not by miles, but by literal galaxies. If NASA ever gave him the keys to Artemis, and told him to land on Mars, this twit would find himself floating dead-smack in the center of HD-1 I instead, and most likely, would be ranting about the aliens already living there..

To note, not believing in a celestial sky-daddy, is not, and I repeat, NOT “nihilistic”. It is, in my most humble of opinions, both logical and sane, considering that said deity Spring espouses, is at best, a mercurial sociopathic sadist, who inconsistently tortures and then purposefully ignores, his supposedly most valued of creations, when they beseech him for help.

And if you want to talk about “dark concepts” Jimmy Ray, I’d love to hear how the instructing of perceptive morality, using a Bronze-Age tome that not only at times, contradicts itself, but which also contains numerously graphic accounts of actions both abominable and sadistic, will ever produce an outcome that wouldn’t be eventually classified by a trained psychologist as “f**ked-up beyond belief”, in the end.

Shockingly, immersing a suggestable child in an ideology of truly lurid so-called “morality tales” based on Genocide, Racism, Slavery, Torture, Misogyny, Sodomy, Incest, Rape, Murder, and the forbidding of the consumption of a really good Shrimp boil, falls far short of humanizing the experience of seeing the majesty and wonder of the world as it actually is. 

And yet, when given those parameters, this is the vision that you want firmly implanted in their minds, instead?

Yup. That’s not the second-worst form of child abuse at all. But having the sheer audacity to inform the same child that God is a myth, religion is a blatantly transparent cancer, and that magical thinking is bulls**t?

Well, just sit back, and watch the Cafeteria Christian Cabal break out the guillotines for the Atheists, light a bonfire for their science books, and declare that it’s really the heathens who are the real danger to our society at large.

Fortunately for the necessary continuance of sanity, if not our societal unity in general, modern-day Religion is dying agonizingly slow on the vine, and ironically, the mythical and wholly sociopathic sky-daddy himself, can be credited for being the primary factor leading to its demise. And in my opinion, the fault-line for such, starts forming at the launch of the sales pitch:

“Hey there everybody, for those of you not in the know, our Supreme father, AKA “God” has these ten supposedly unbreakable rules, but they’re kind of arbitrary at times depending on his ever-so-mercurial will, and if you fail to spend your entire life on your knees thanking him for cursing you with the taint of the original sin that was actually all his fault, he’s going to send you to a place replete with personalized torture, endless pain, and the joy of eternally swimming the backstroke in a boiling lake of fire.

Oh, and even if you were a bad person for let’s say, only half of your life, you’re still going to be stuck there until the stars burn out, because that’s how the Big Guy likes to show both his Love for you, and his penchant for practicing the art of sheer overkill, mixed with unrealistic and unobtainable expectations.”

Now, while this appeals to some people as a desirable lifestyle choice for some as yet, unfathomable reason, those of us whose brains still work the way Nature intended them to, are usually the first ones in line to say; “No thanks. I’ll take a seriously hard pass on that bullspit”. While I can accept the fact that Faith in and of itself, can be a wonderfully powerful force for good, I tend to lose that optimism when I discover that it’s been encased within the scurrilous shell that is modern-day organized Religion.

And as we shall come to see, when the allegorical reins are placed in the hands of a mewling hypocrite like Spring, it only serves to remind the sane walking among us, just what a crock the belief in the Celestial, really is.

The same people who conceitedly declare that they wouldn’t dare condescend to consult with psychics, mediums and the gateway to satanic values that is a Ouija board, are also the same persons who will tell you in the same breath and without a trace of irony, that they only take counsel from God, whom they’ve never seen, never heard, and have never met.

Case in point, courtesy of Spring himself:

Take all the time you need to process this inadvertent satire. And as you engage in the saddest of pauses after accepting the fact, that the people who espouse this garbage, don’t see the evident contradictions within it, take heart in the reality that their Age of Ignorance is coming to its long overdue end, and as it does, faux Christians such as Spring, will hopefully become as culturally relevant as an 8-track player, or even worse, a Microsoft Zune.

Speaking only for myself, I have never understood how anyone who supposedly puts stock in the “lessons” purportedly ensconced within the Bible, can consciously ignore the modern-day incongruity it raises. Take the story to be found in Genesis 11:1-9, which describes the arrogant folly of the Tower of Babel, which men built in a futile attempt to reach heaven from their earthbound confines.

To note; “And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech. And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there. And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for mortar.

And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth. And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded. And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.

Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech. So the Lord scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city. Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the Lord did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the Lord scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.”

In essence, God saw the humans encroaching on his front yard, and in a supreme act of petty celestial suburbanism, threw a spanner into their works, instead. So, if we hold to the lesson of the danger in trying to reach the underside of heaven via an earthbound tower, then why is God not seemingly as vexed by our building an international space station that in theory, occupies the space above it?

An installation by the way, whose very existence and research mission statement alone, proves consistently that God is indeed, no more than a myth akin to boogeymen, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and a good X-Men movie.

But it’s not all bad news for the fantastical, as Santa is still very real, and I know this to be true, because I see him every December hanging out at my local mall. Granted, he can never remember my name, but let’s be fair here- he is quite up there on the age scale, so minor memory slips are bound to happen.

If I were so pessimistically bold, I’d even opine that most Christians only believe in God, because the thought of a Heaven occupied by only people such as themselves, is a salve to the fact that down here on earth, we hold their actions and words to account. And of course, Spring is more than happy to let us all know (me specifically) exactly whom gets to be lounging on a cloud, and who gets to be Satan’s chew-toy;

While it’s obvious that I’m fairly dismissive of the sincerity of Spring’s alleged faith, I’d also like to point out that deep inside, I’m also somewhat envious of his assurance in expressing it as devout, despite all evidence to the contrary. In addition, I would also like to note that Spring’s interpretation of the Rapture is somewhat philosophically imperfect, as in my opinion, an Earth free of religious hypocritical extremists like himself, would indeed be as close to Heaven as my atheist mind can visualize.

In spite of the fact that as a rule, I tend to consider myself a person gifted (and oft-cursed) with a sense of supreme personal self-assurance, I can readily assure you all, that it’s nowhere near the level of Spring’s, which overall, reminds me of a meme I once saw:

And I must admit, even with my eye of cynicism fully open, that in a way, Spring is Batman; dark, brooding, and most likely, spending a great deal of his free time sitting in a cave, obsessing over the things he cannot change, such as women being allowed to have their own opinions, and African-Americans daring to do White people stuff unimpeded, in public.

In my last screed, I briefly touched upon Spring’s inherent misogyny and racism, in lieu of his so-called Christian values without providing a solid base for my opinion, but now it’s time for a few examples, methinks. To start us off, let’s tackle conservatives favorite sport, attempting to control women, and as you’d expect from a guy who needs to feel like an alpha, he knows not only what’s best for women, but what’s really going on in regards to modern-day feminism, as well:

I tells ya’, there’s nothing like having a guy in his seventies, mansplaining to woman unknown to him, what the true issues are in relation to their ongoing fight for unfettered female body autonomy. And as a bonus, he’s also more than happy to offer some unsolicited advice from his faux ivory tower as well:

I won’t speak for you of course, but as Spring displays his inherent suaveness by crassly suggesting that it’s the women who need to close their legs, you can just feel the love of Jesus rolling off this guy, as if he were dipped in AXE sanctimonious-scented body spray.

I do love the mixed message that Spring is promoting here though: if you make the decision to have an abortion, you’re a stone-cold murderer, but if you choose to have the kid, then you’re noth9ng less than a societal leech, and a whore, as well.

Damn. It must be so nice to sit on both sides of the metaphorical morality table, and still claim the mantle of prideful and unwarranted self-righteousness. However, we shouldn’t dwell on the past, because Spring is already doing that for us, as only he can:

Just grace and elegance”. And also, if you remember, an incontestable sense of anticipated subservience to the reigning patriarchal attitudes of the era. But our man Spring here, the obviously ardent Feminist, was thoughtful enough to issue a contemptuous observation about what aspects of femininity, women need to regain in his unasked for, and wholly erroneous, opinion.

You’ll notice by the way, that Spring didn’t remark upon what men in general need to do to better themselves, as once again, it’s all on the women whether they like it or not. Nevertheless, I appreciate that the first thing that Spring referenced was the importance of looks, and not strength of character, intellect, or personal ambitions, qualities which I’m sure in Soring’s world, are regarded as highly inconvenient, if not emasculating.

The irony here though, is that Spring, the self-declared adversary of Botox, silicone and all things torn, once posted this sexist tripe masquerading as political commentary, because in his cravenly chauvinistic worldview, the dumber the woman, the better it is for his cuckolded kind.

Now, before I reduce this asinine comparison to bloody shreds, I’d like to thank Spring for his almost godlike ability to set up the joke for me. I

n most cases when I’m writing about somebody as allegedly awful as Spring appears to be, I actually have to do a lot of behind-the-scenes work, such as extensive research, meticulous checking for accuracy, and let us never forget, the metaphorical heavy lifting involved in just getting my pixilated observations on the path to being crafted into a workable story.

It can be at times, maddening, depressing. exhausting, and stressful as frak, but when you take into account that Spring’s inadvertent setup was perfect for my eventual retort, it’s all worth it:

But Spring isn’t done quite yet with his mansplaining traveling show. After all, as a man of the Faith, it’s apparently his job as well, to instruct the women he doesn’t know how to properly carry themselves in public, even if he doesn’t feel the need to do the same for the men that they may encounter while doing so:.

Has anyone else noticed that it’s always the sole responsibility of women to dress modestly? To be the ones who have to walk back to their car parked on a dark street, with the keys splayed between their fingers, or to carry mace? To create a “safe phrase’ if they’re being harassed in a bar, where they’re also not allowed to get too drunk, because if they do, and wind up getting sexually assaulted due to being vulnerable, then they’ll be told that they were “asking for it”?

And my personal favorite: if a woman finds herself pregnant, you hardly ever hear commentary about the man that shirked his responsibility, it’s always the woman’s fault for “not being careful”, or “choosing the wrong guy to f**k”, despite the reality that it takes two to tango as it were, but society only likes to assign blame to the one person who’s already dancing backward to begin with.

Once again, it must be so nice to sit on both sides of the metaphorical morality table, and still claim the mantle of prideful and unwarranted self-righteousness, when it’s the male gender that inarguably, creates the problematic societal fear that women overall, are forced to deal with on a daily basis.

That fear by the way, which runs the gamut from the anticipation of unwanted advances to the aforementioned apprehension of being sexually assaulted, are seemingly of no real concern to Spring, who in a truly sickening act of crass chauvinism, reduces such valid anxieties into nothing more than an opening to launch a thoughtless infliction of a tastelessly abhorrent “joke” decrying them, instead:

For the life of me, I have no idea why anybody would ever doubt that this guy wasn’t a true “Child of God”, can you? Other than the fact that Spring displays both the intellectual maturity of a mentally-challenged penile implant, and the warmth afforded to an unprepared speculum, it’s almost like standing next to Christ himself, is it not?

For the record, the abominable and dehumanizing act of rape is not, I repeat, NOT based on the physical attractiveness of the victim to be, it’s based on opportunity, access, and control of said allegorical prey. I cannot believe that I even have to express this in print, but the scars of sexual assault, both attempted and achieved, go far beyond what Spring flippantly (if not repulsively) describes as “optimism”.

No James, “optimism” is what you have, in assuming that every female within your unfortunate orbit, isn’t acutely aware that you’re a nattering Neanderthal at best, and an allegedly passive supporter of sexual assault, at worst.

But here’s where Spring takes a turn for the weird. Despite his predilection for “advising’ women who didn’t ask him for such invasive input on how they should act, dress, fornicate, plan a family, and ignore the threat of being raped if they’re considered unattractive, he also wants them to know that he’s also not “one of those guys’, either

But just to make sure that he himself, in no way, shape or form, could ever be considered as “creepy”, Spring offers some additional and wholly unsolicited societal guidance to the women validly upset that their body autonomy rights are being taken away, with a sage suggestion that only a truly non-creepy septuagenarian would ever make.

And in the act of doing so, proves that despite his avowal of supporting a woman’s right to not be harassed online or in general, he is most definitely indeed, “one of those guys”:

If there was ever a possibility that genital warts could ever be granted the privilege of sentience, and then additionally gifted with both ambulatory ability and internet access, my gut tells me it would look very akin to the visage that Spring here presents, when he’s out and about in public.

Because along with believing that so-called “ugly” women have nothing to fear from dedicated rapists, he also espouses that women in general, shouldn’t be concerned with the equally valid worry of losing their body autonomy as well. And why is that?

Well, because of the Transgender community, of course!
Yes, this is a stupid statement. And yes, Spring is quite the stupid man. But no, he actually does know what he’s doing here, even if he doesn’t know what he’s actually saying. Like most neocons, Spring is deliberately taking two unrelated topics that he proudly knows nothing about, and is amalgamating them, in older to draw attention away from whatever topic was actually being discussed, before he did so.

A classic case of a “Bait and Switch” gambit, except that now in this modern-age, it would be far more accurate to describe it as more of a “Hate and Bitch” maneuver, instead. It’s one of the oldest go-to conservative tricks in the book, and the reason why Spring tends to use it so much, is probably because he was actually there when it was first written down,

In Sumerian. On the back of a freshly-killed Trilobite.

As you may have gathered after reading my last screed, Spring, along with being a misogynistic faux Christian and a soon to be proven bigot of no small reputation, also possesses quite the hate-on for the LGBTQ Community as well, which is yet another reprehensible aspect of his disturbingly f**ked-up character. Now. while I won’t be readdressing that topic just yet, I will, be revisiting it, if only to fully flesh out just what a heretical hypocrite Spring truly is.

Speaking of which…

Let’ me notate if I may, one of the Conservative movement’s favorite pastimes, that being the spewing of vitriolic venom at the entire Clinton political dynasty, despite Bill not being President since 2001, his wife Hillary not being culturally relevant since 2017, and their daughter Chelsea, who at the time of this writing, now works with the Clinton Foundation and Clinton Global Initiative, both of which are centered on providing solutions to some of the world’s most pressing concerns.

But just as Rush Limbaugh once so despicably did on his TV show where he inferred that Chelsea was “the White House Dog”, Conservatives love going after the children of the people they can’t even begin to touch. By the way, Chelsea was only 12, and Rush three decades her senior, when he made his revolting remarks, which just goes to show that the only people that the Alt-Wrong can take on comfortably, are the defenseless and the underaged.

And no matter how much you may want one, you’re still not getting a Matt Gaetz joke out of me.

Now to be fair, the elder Clintons have both had their share of valid political scandals, Bill with the Paula Jones and Monica Lewinsky sex scandals that almost sank his presidency, and Hillary with her own private email server scandal in 2015, but as to the rest of the so-called “Scandals” [Whitewater, Vince Foster’s suicide, Uranium One, Filegate, Benghazi, and Travelgate] they’ve all  fizzled out, much like Rush Limbaugh’s hateful little heart once so charitably did, on that wonderful evening in February of 2021.

And it pisses Conservatives off something fierce, because in spite of their declarations that they believe in the concept of Law and Order, [See; “January Sixth, 2021”] nothing makes them madder than when an avowed democrat walks away from a supposed scandal, while their guys get tagged for the same.

For instance, they’ll crow about Bill’s adultery, but ignore Trumps history of such. They’ll talk about Hilary’s missing emails, but purposefully overlook the hundreds of thousands that Bush Jr and Dick Cheney deleted in regards to the pointless war in Iraq. They’ll screech about Hunter Biden, but you guessed it, forget that Trump’s kids, Don Jr, Ivanka, and Eric, even exist.

Although for the sake of accuracy, so does Trump himself from time to time, depending on his need for either a scapegoat, an ass-kissing, or in Ivanka’s case, when he requires a special daughter-daddy lap dance to ease his rapidly fraying nerves.

Even when said “scandal” was proven beyond doubt to be a false and cherry-picked narrative, an overblown assessment, or wholly imaginary to begin with, such as “Obamagate”, the neocon nutbars just keep swimming forward, delightfully unimpeded by either the clarity of logic or even the faintest twinge of guilt in concern to failing their alleged humanity.

And Spring is no maverick when it comes to this worn out cliché, if anything, he’s a self-castrated gelding, dutifully following the party line in referencing a situational joke that went cold ten minutes after it was first created:

Delightful witticism, isn’t it? Especially coming from a self-declared “Man of God”, who apparently has forgotten the lesson of Ephesians 5:3-4: “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk NOR CRUDE JOKING, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.”

I can only guess Spring must have overlooked those wise words, in his never-ending quest to find the perfect blowjob joke regarding a political situation that nobody has discussed in over two decades.

If in the future, Spring desires to craft one that’s relevant (somewhat) he can always build upon the humor that while Trump had to pay 130K to a porn star to get the briefest of hummers, Spring, the ever so willingly loyal sycophant, most likely would have taken the task on for free. 

And no, I won’t be apologizing for that observational assessment anytime soon or even in the far-off future, given the empirical evidence of Spring’s willingness to happily swallow whatever bulls**t buffet Trump and the utterly complicit GQP, feed him.

By all known and I might add, self-posted evidence, Spring’s favorite repasts are those that serve up Racism as the appetizer, soup, main dish, and dessert. In fact, next to Spring’s almost pro-bulimic-level discharging of faux Christianity upon the unfortunate within his reach, this may be the next most vomitous mass that he truly enjoys disgorging in public. To start us off down the intolerant path of Spring’s mélange of mass-manufactured racial paranoia, I present this asinine foretaste of the things yet to come::

On the surface, while these are terrible tragedies, the narrative attached to both, is only half-true.

While Floyd was indeed, a career criminal, he was not “resisting arrest” when he died, as at the time of his death, he was in handcuffs, laying face-down on the ground, being overseen by no less than four officers, and as proven by bystander video recorded at the time of the incident, Floyd was being fully compliant.

This BTW, is not the only factual deletion in Spring’s account.

What Spring chose deliberately to not mention, is that during Floyd’s arrest, the now currently convicted 2nd degree murderer and former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin, who had both 18 prior complaints filed against him and a reputation for aggression, according to official police records, made the inexplicable decision to kneel on Floyd’s neck using his full weight, for close to ten minutes, leading to Floyd’s eventual demise.

In addition, Spring ever the dogged researcher also neglected to inform us all, that in the later part of 2017, Chauvin responded to a complaint, where he was once again, caught on video using excessive force against an African-American suspect. In this instance however, the individual was a 14-year-old boy who Chauvin beat so badly in the head with a flashlight, the child required stitches.

And then, in a foreshadowing of his eventually fatal encounter with Floyd, he proceeded to pin said child down with his knee for close to 20 minutes, as the boy protested that he was having difficulty breathing. Complaints that Chauvin resolutely ignored. This information, being deemed possibly prejudicial to Chauvin’s ability to receive a fair trial, was purposefully withheld from the jury that in the end, convicted Chauvin of Floyd’s murder.

Yeah… I did say “murder” as Chauvin was not only convicted of unintentional second-degree murder, third-degree murder, and second-degree manslaughter, resulting in a sentence of 22½ years in prison, the autopsy conducted by the Hennepin County medical examiner, also determined that the cause of Floyd’s death was, and I quote; “cardiopulmonary arrest complicating law-enforcement subdual restraint, and neck compression”.

In other words, but not in Spring’s, of course- it classifies as a HOMICIDE. Therefore, Floyd was “MURDERED”, and not “killed”. Semantics, I knew, but words and their implied meanings are still important to the accuracy of a narrative, specifically those based on racist ideology and the construct of victim-blaming.

In the equally as tragic case of Cayler Ellingson, a police official in North Dakota where the murder took place, have declared that there’s “no evidence” showing that politics were a factor in his being run over by an SUV driven by one Shannon Brandt the prime suspect.

North Dakota Highway Patrol Captain Bryan Niewind, has been quoted by FOX News as saying that; “We have uncovered no evidence to support Mr. Brandt’s claim on the 911 call he made that Cayler Ellingson is a Republican extremist, nor that this incident involved politics. This is a terrible tragedy for the Ellingson family. We continue to investigate what led up to the incident, the crash itself and the claim made by Brandt. But, at this time there has been no evidence to corroborate Brandt’s statement.”

Despite this official statement however, Spring has still yet to amend his claims, not because he researched the case and discovered credible data that reinforces his opinion, but because the act of attempting to do so, wouldn’t fit his narrative of Conservatives being specifically targeted victims of leftist political violence.

And when it comes to his claims that the “media” is complicity silent in concern to this case? Well, let us all just go check out what the ol’ Google has to say about that:

Hmmm. Call me overly optimistic, but if I were able to find 94,100 mentions of my name in 0.36 seconds, I’d personally feel that were more than just a few people paying attention to me, and I’d have some serious reservations on just how silent they’d be with that much social buzzing going on.

Nevertheless, it does prove that yet again, another one of Spring’s histrionic harangues, is nothing more than pure unadulterated racist horses**t, in regards to both its presentation of a proven to be false story, and its context as a so-called concern for the Conservative branch.

But now, having observed just how fast Goggle can come up with one’s personal relevancy, I’m actually kind of curious as to what my current share of Google mentions are, as I have been off the allegorical stage for quite some time now, so I can’t imagine I’d even register as a blip these days:

Wow. That’s not a blip, so much as it is a potential cause for worry, methinks.

However, as long as there’s nobody on the Internet wondering aloud what I would look like as a custom-tailored tuxedo fashioned by Ed Gein, I’ll just ignore the implications for now. Spring however, cannot, as his incessant need to paint conservatism as the true victim of racial identity politics, far outranks his crafting of narratives that ultimately, always fail in their attempts to assert his theorems as true.

Spring’s alleged bigotry, another one of those abominable character flaws that clings to hm, as if it were a wood tick dipped in superglue, seemingly drives his racist requirement for insidiously “woke’ boogeymen, ranging from politicians to athletes, whom as we shall see, just so happen to be, a favored target.

And if those fail to raise the racist ire that Spring is consistently trying to achieve, he’ll then play the preferred scapegoat card that all Conservatives keep in their back pockets for when political emergencies necessitate an immediate deflection, that being the topic of illegal immigration.

But before we dive into Spring’s hated of the Cinnamon, I’ll address one of Spring’s most-despised archetypes, the African-American athlete who dares use their constitutionally-protected right to protest what they correctly see as social injustice against their race.

And when it comes to the big fish swimming in the anaerobic lagoon that serves as Spring’s so-called intellect, there’s no bigger prize that Spring wants to land and hang on his wall, than Colin Kapernick, the former quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers.

Spring reviles Kapernick, but as it is with most of the race-based issues that irk ol’ Jimmy Ray something fierce, it has absolutely nothing to do with actual reality, and everything to do with his bigoted belief that our country’s prominent African Americans, just need to shut the f**k up already about the things he could care less about, namely racial disparity, and get back to standing around doing nothing during the playing of the National Anthem:

I hate to break it to all the hypocritical jingoists out there such as Spring, who demand that athletes paid to play a child’s game must stand for the Anthem, as they remain seated on their fat asses at home, but no law says that you have to stand for it, and you are more than free to take a knee as a form of silent protest regarding this country’s inequities, if you so wish.

Kapernick did just that, and regardless of the fact that it was an American veteran who suggested to him that that he do so, and irrespective of the reality that he legally could, Alt-Wrong pinheads such as Spring, lost what little remained of their goddamn minds, and demanded that Kapernick be fined by the NFL, or fired outright, because… um… wait a minute, I’ve got it around here somewhere…

Oh, here it is! The reason why, according to these fine not racist at all patriots, was because his actions were in essence, “disrespecting” the United States of America, its troops, its flag, and apparently as well, its great ingrained tradition of Blacks keeping their collective yaps shut, and knowing their place.

Shockingly, it is possible to both love your country and call out its societal flaws at the same time, because that’s exactly what the Founding Fathers wanted you to do. Hence the reason why the right to protest is the FIRST thing notated within the Constitution: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

And whether Spring likes it or not, or believes it or not, that right applies to ALL of America’s citizens. And yes Jimmy Ray, that includes even those annoyingly uppity ones that you so obviously wish were on a leaky boat headed back to Africa.

But this is not to say that Spring hates all African-Americans, as like most Conservative bigots, he will make allowances for those specific individuals that follow the predetermined game plan of being quietly subservient to their modern-day massas:

No matter how long I live, I will never understand how the trotting out of an allegorical human token in public, is considered to be “proof” that you’re not racist when you so blatantly are. This sort of cringing posturing is quite literally, akin to bragging that you have a Black “friend”, when the entire depth of your relationship, is based on the fact that you remember their name when you run into them at work.

As I called attention to previously; “it is possible to both love your country and call out its societal flaws at the same time”, and doing so doesn’t make you or your actions, unamerican, communistic, socialistic, or whatever term of the second that the Alt-Wrong tosses around, like they do their supposed morals.

And despite the reality that Kapernick has not played in an NFL game for FIVE YEARS, you would never know it, given how often Spring and his fellow Vanilla Valkyries, bring it up as a topic of subjective derision. Say what you will about the neocons, but being stuck in the past is truly their niche, and they do it far better than anyone else.

Let’s keep the context in mind here, if we may. Unlike the Conservative movement’s favorite ex-footballer and current senatorial candidate Herschel Walker, Kapernick isn’t a pile of unrepentant slime, doesn’t have a gaggle of previously unknown to the public children born out of wedlock, nor does he have a history of domestic violence, and most certainly, if not importantly, isn’t a well-documented pathological liar, as well.

Walker by the way, seen here denying that he just said what he just said, is also of African-American descent, and yet, despite the numerous flaws of character laid out just above, and the myriad of lies he’s been unquestionably caught disseminating, the GQP base still regards him highly, for simply no other reason than the inexcusable fact that he represents the “right” kind of Black person that they prefer to be associated with.

The celebrating of group cravenness, over that of individual strength, the lauding of the lowest, as it were. Speaking of which…

I don’t know about you, but when I need current political and societal issue guidance, I often turn to a guy who punches people in the head for a living, and if he’s unavailable, then the ex-jock turned tepid Thespian, whose acting chops make him appear as if he were the sole recipient of those punches, will do just fine in his stead.

Once again, Kapernick didn’t do anything immoral or illegal, as Herschel Walker seemingly does almost every damn day, but he did fully utilize his Constitutional rights to politely suggest that maybe police should stop murdering African-American citizens, and for a faux patriot and overt racist such as Spring is, that was just a step too far over the line that White people drew in the sand.

One might argue that Spring was simply irked at what he considers a slandering of the police in general,  but when you take into account that he’s displayed zero concern regarding the Capitol Police being attacked on January 6th, I’d infer that he only tends to openly support the Blue, when it’s openly murdering the Brown.

Has anyone else ever noticed by the way, that whenever Conservatives need to present a Black face to ward off the consequences resultant from their publicly displayed acts of racism, the only persons that they can ever persuade to speak on their behalf, always seem to be professional athletes?  Are they truly that unaware that African-Americans are omnipresent in career fields outside of the one that is the world of competitive sports, or do they believe that’s all they know how to do?

Seriously. Outside of Thomas Sowell, and Candyass Owens, how many academically prominent Black spokespersons for the GQP, can you list right off the top of your head? And no, “Diamond and Silk” don’t count, as I’m fairly confident that their only academic endeavors were in learning how to effectively parlay their dual cosplaying as modern-day Stephanie Fetch-its, into a profitable career in puerile propagandist punditry:

You know what’s funny? Honestly, until these two twunts burst onto the national stage like a festering sore on the ass of Humanity, I always thought that the practicing of intellectually vapid Karenicity, was exclusively a White lady thing, so I guess as a society, progress is being made, evermore the pity as it does.

The pity I have regarding the Progress being made is in concern to the ever-evolving tactics being employed by the Alt-Wrong to capitalize upon the established legacies of the Left’s heroes, severely mutating their message in order to make it line up with the inane ideology of the Right’s.

Take for instance, this rather enlightening exchange between I, Spring, and his hetero-wingman-for-life, one Jim Hodges, debating just what the honorable Reverend Martin Luther King would have done, in relation to the neocon-crafted controversy that whirls around Kaepernick’s cause to this day.

I do apologize for the sheer length of it, but trust me, it’s worth the read, if only for the fact that when Spring can’t sell his “Kapernick disrespected America” bullspit, he then introduces (of course) the irrelevant deflection of Hillary’s supposed email scandal, the Benghazi incident in which both she and the White House, were cleared of any charges, and a comparison drawing parallels between the FBI and the KGB.

And all of it is appropriate to mention, because as you already know, the presentation of such conspiracy theories, would be a natural transitional point in a discussion centered on the beliefs of Reverend King:

I guess you got me there, Jimmy Ray, because if there was one thing Martin Luther King truly feared, it was facing “backlash”. from the community that was at the time, oppressing his people.]

[Or maybe not, you absolute f**king moron.].

As I re-read Spring’s absurdly uninformed commentary, a question arose out of its intellectual darkness, and it is this: as it’s quite clear that Spring does not, will not, or cares not, to ever know anything about the struggle of the Black community in this country, would there ever be a time when even he, a most decidedly ardent bigot, would be perfectly comfortable with African-Americans taking a knee, en masse?

My instincts tell me no, but I’m almost certain that there’s at least one way, he’d be able to make peace with it:“Oh look… those ever so thoughtful gentlemen, are selflessly taking time out of their respectively busy day, to help that slightly distressed African-American citizen find his dropped contact lens.” Granted, I know that’s not what’s really going on in this horrid photo depicting man’s inhumanity toward his fellow man, I’m just picturing in my head, how deliberately Spring would rationalize what’s occurring within it.

However, as a final nail in the coffin that’s housing Spring’s racially-biased inanity, I’d like to introduce this little graphic regarding how actual veterans felt about Kapernick taking a knee, and when it gets right down to it, who better to directly ask, than the people whose entire purpose is to vigilantly protect the rights of the citizenry of the country they represent, if not occasionally lay their lives down for?

Well, would you look at that? Despite Spring’s asinine assertion that Kapernick is ’disrespecting” the flag, America, and I can only can assume that apple pie and Mom are thrown in there as well, it seems that actual veterans who literally fought and died for Kapernick’s right to openly protest, are in his camp rather solidly.

And yet, Spring is offended on their part, even though there’s no need or clarion call to do so. But that’s the beauty of false patriotism- it allows you to take your racism out in the open without consequence, so long as you wrap it in the flag first. Whenever I think of how Spring overreacts to African-Americans doing “White people things”, this is the image that always pops into my brain:

Is Spring just another ostensibly stereotypical racist? Well, as I see it, I’d have to begrudgingly say “Yes” and “No”. While I have made multiple jokes about Spring owning an all-White-Robe-based wardrobe, I wouldn’t perceive him to be racially violent, like say, a Klansman or an Oath Keeper, tends to be. But irrespective of this, Spring IS an outwardly proud bigot, none the less.

This is not to say that Springs casually drops the “N” word as frequently and as openly as he publicly displays his low IQ, but in judiciously selected company, I’m fairly confident that slur flies around faster than Superman trying to save Lois Lane.

In what can only be described as the polar opposite of “delightful” Spring is also as equally obsessed with yet another African-American athlete, that being WNBA star Brittney Griner, except that this time, Spring has merged his inherent racism with a sense of pathetically anti-American indifference to the plight of a fellow American citizen.

And what was her immediate offense that so upset Spring’s delicate sensibilities, you ask? It’s actually a very simple answer; much like Kapernick, Griner dared to use her public visibility and constitutional right of open protest, to call attention to the ongoing social concern of racism and police brutality.

Some context, in case you are unfamiliar: during a teleconference in July 2020, Griner commented that; “I honestly feel we should not play the National Anthem during our season. I think we should take that much of a stand. I don’t mean that in any disrespect to our country. My dad was in Vietnam and a law officer for 30 years. I wanted to be a cop before basketball. I do have pride for my country.”

Capping off her constitutionally protected remarks, Griner further declared that she would walk off the court if the Star-Spangled Banner was played, which is also her right to do so, even if she is Black. But you may be asking, why do I think that Spring is overly fixated upon Griner? Well to quote Connor MacLeod from the beginning above, “call it a hunch”:

If I have to give Spring credit for anything, it’s that he embraces his racism with the same intensity that a tween displays every single time that their copy of Tiger Beat magazine finally arrives, if that’s still a thing. Oh wait, it isn’t, as the TB is now an internet-based magazine, as it ceased physical production in December of 2018. My sincerest apologies regarding my use of a flawed analogy all around, but hopefully, you get my point.

At the moment, faux Christian-Americans such as Spring are reveling in the fact that Griner, an African America lesbian millionaire, and constitutional-law-applying athlete, is serving a nine-year prison term in the Russia for the crime of “smuggling” vape cartridges loaded with cannabis oil into Russia, which on the surface alone is utterly ridiculous, given that fact that they were obviously part of her personal use stash.

Now, while the act of bring weed oil into a foreign country was truly dumb, it also didn’t merit the 9-year sentence that Russian courts handed down, and that Spring and his fellow bigots are so gleefully crowing about. In Spring’s estimation, the uppity and ungrateful well-off dyke got her just karmic reward for daring to believe that she has the same rights as him, and so far as he’s concerned, she can rot there until the stars burn out.

Now, as irritatingly prejudiced is this is, there’s actually a sweet side to this train of bigoted thought, for I got to see true love in action when Spring’s as equally hateful marital magpie, one Kathy Stacey Spring, stepped into the fray to defend her husband, by echoing both his racism, and dearth of intellect:

The couple that falsely prays together, realistically brays together, I guess. And here I was, thinking that the only way Spring would ever find a true soulmate, would be if Marjorie Taylor Greene adjusted her adultery game include culturally irrelevant geriatrics.

Live and learn. However, it is sort of nice to know that Spring will always have a “plus one” for all those 3am front-lawn barbecues that I can see him attending in the future, as being a true romantic myself, I like to see everyone happy. Especially the people who make those around them, happier when they leave.   

I’m not certain how these two hummingbirds of hate initially met, but I’m fairly confident that the setting of such, was most likely centered around either a family reunion, or even possibly, a reenactment of the1921 Race Massacre that occurred in the Greenwood district of Tulsa, Oklahoma. But I repeat myself.

See, like most bloviating bigots, Spring tends to honor the past history of said prejudice, and despite not appearing to be the type of guy who actually reads books, so much as he consistently uses them for beer coasters, Spring is still here to reminds us all, just what’s really important- the preservation of a traitor’s legacy:

Yes Jimmy, since “they” removed the statues of a person who attempted to destroy the very fabric of the country that is today’s America, no one remembers him.

For instance, the multiple buildings, military installations, and schools named after Lee, as well as the memorials dedicated to him, are hardly enough to remind the common citizenry of who he actually was, falling way short of any form of established legacy worth noting. Seriously. It’s almost embarrassing just how little respect we grant this Confederate turncoat, is it not?

And don’t even get me started on the disgusting disrespect that’s been shown towards his horse- we’ll be here all day., I swear to mythical God.

To be fair, I could point out to this treason-adoring jackass, that statues aren’t primarily how History is taught or even learned, thanks to the innumerable resources of books, essays, magazine articles, films, documentaries, along with the presence of historical archives and the academics and teachers who interpret them, but when you’re as inane as he is, all I can say with practically in response to such, is thus:

Oops. My bad. For a second there, I almost forgot what kind of absolute f**king moron that I’m actually dealing with. Once again, for a guy who dually claims to be both a Christian and a proud American, Spring’s unproven values unerringly, always seem to be on the wrong side of the allegorical fence.

In yet another example of Spring’s unrelenting quest for proving himself to be truly unworthy of the privilege of not having his internal organs unwillingly harvested to distribute to those random persons worth having on Earth, he’s fallen back on his perpetual habit of allying himself alongside yet another house token for the Conservative massas, the obviously mentally-ill entertainer known as Kanye West, or as he likes to call himself now, “Ye”.

West, whom at his best, could be charitably depicted as having some serious psychological issues, is seemingly nuttier than a forty-dollar pecan pie, what with a well-documented history of bizarre outbursts, insane declarations, and self-started feuds with his fellow celebrities, thereby undoubtedly setting up the future guarantee that one day, a regimen of forcible medication and he, will be great friends.

Now while these issues in and of themselves being left untreated is concerning, when taken into overall consideration, his public displays of allegiance to both proven racists and their de facto leader Donald Trump is truly no more than yet another brick he’s placed in a wall comprised of sheer wackadoo, and as such, should be regarded with serious cynicism.

But for Spring, West is no less than a new card in his deck of racial politics, and mythical god knows, Spring is going to play it, for as long as he can. Nevertheless, as I noted just above; “Spring’s unproven values unerringly, always seem to be on the wrong side of the allegorical fence”, but this time around, it appears that said fence, was built just outside the clearly marked boundaries of Auschwitz:

Wow. Just… wow. I don’t even think I can find the jokes that are normally hidden within this kind of soulless garbage, and that’s actually my niche most days.

Other than the fact that this abhorrence should clearly serve as dire confirmation that a long-overdue intervention regarding West’s mental acuity is needed, it’s also a reminder that racism itself, is a human disease, and not simply based on or in, one’s cultural take of the world entire. Granted, while I honestly do believe that White people promote this character affliction the best, they also don’t fully own the proverbial corner in concern to it, either.

As a writer, I’ve experienced my share of closely observing more than my fair share of a mental dissolution in progress, but seriously, holy motherc**ksuck, what in the f**k is this? I can honestly say that if West does have a brain, I’d opine that most of it is currently being rented out to the voices of others. 

And what pray tell, is the state of action that is “death con 3”? I only ask, because there’s actually five states of “Def-Con” [the correct attribution], so any threat that hovers somewhere in the middle, hardly constitutes a sense of concern. What’s West actually going to do? Haughtily enter a Jewish deli, and impudently demand that they make him a cheese-free Reuben?

And contrary to West’s absurd declaration, yes, it IS possible to be a Semite and still be antisemitic, just as it’s possible to be Latino and hate other Latinos, or to be a light-skinned Afro-American with a dislike for your fellow darker hued ones, as well. To be clear, while West is visibly bereft of a fully-functioning intellect, it’s still no excuse for fomenting this antisemitic bullspit out into the public sphere.

And taken as a whole, the contextual substance of his vile commentary is virtually incoherent, even when the pervasiveness of his mental illness is factored in. However, as it was to be expected, West’s remarks were immediately met with instant furious backlash, and not surprisingly, accorded the worst punishment our modern-day society can issue; being restricted on social media:

I would like to point out, that in no way, shape or form, has Spring publicly embraced West’s antisemitic POV, but along those lines, he also hasn’t overtly rebuked it, either. This is not to say that Spring aligns with West’s sentiments, but it does go to show the commonality of Conservatives to willfully overlook defects of character, so long as the person [or in this case, the token] involved, can still serve as a political pawn of sorts.

You know, that whole “owning the Libs” thing, that Conservatives think is a viable and devastating gambit? I hate to break it to Spring and his fellow intellectual voids, but parading an obviously disturbed loon around as one of your torch-bearers, is never a strategy that works out well in the end, regardless of what you may think.

If anything, all it has done thus far, is dually showcase that the GQP’s inherent human disconnection and ideological desperation, once considered to be ostensibly their greatest asset, now only serves as a glaring reminder of just how deeply rotted their hypocrisy actually is. Now, why would I even suggest that you ask? Well, it all stems from this interesting political story, strangely enough:

See, a while back, West claimed that he was finished supporting Donald Trump, and as you may have guessed, the Alt-Wrong didn’t appreciate the fact that one of the ”right” African-Americans that they had been so gracious in welcoming into the fold, had dared in the end, to rebuke their mango man-child, before relocating himself to the edge of the proverbial plantation.

And Spring, of course, being nothing more than a regurgitating propaganda parrot, was more than happy to jump on that bandwagon at the time, by promoting a sure-fire way to punish West for getting in touch with his inner uppishness, that being the genius implementation of a plan based on paying him an exorbitant amount of money to do absolutely nothing:

Sigh… I’ve said it before, and I know I will have to say it again, but when it comes to crafting their evil schemes, the GQP base really needs to stop relying on the same firm that designs such for Bond villains, to serve as the standard go-to for theirs, because the flaws within it are pathetically obvious.

To note: your “plan” centers on giving West, whom you dislike for not acting as your party’s personal Stepin Fetchit analog, several hundred-thousand dollars to perform for you alone, in a venue that once the stage lights go on, prevents him from seeing both you and your stupid-ass sign, and since most halls have rules against homemade signs to begin with, you’ll find yourself booted out, he’ll take the night off, [no audience, remember?] and in the end, he’ll still have all of your money.

Yup. That’s a plan so deceptively brilliant and simple, that even the great dreamer of schemes eternal, Machiavelli himself, couldn’t even possibly begin to understand how it would actually work in practice.

Spring’s lack of strategic planning aside, this slice of ”I like you, but only when you’re doing what you’re told”, is indicative of the cravenly chaos that at its core, is slowly tearing apart the GQP, if not its agenda.

Instead of policy, they laud putrid propaganda, instead of leadership, they offer fear-inducing soundbites, and when it comes to the strength of character, all they can present as candidates, are ethically-challenged wretches, whose morality is akin to Velveeta that’s been lounging inside a caldera.

As a political movement needing to go toe to toe with this predicament, you would think that the first steps taken by the GQP, would be to create an allegorical salve to the situation at hand, that would involve first clarifying their message of partisanship, along with aggressively engaging in improving the quality of both their candidates and the leadership already set in place, but you’d be wrong.

Rather than fix the sure to be fatal flaws inherent in their cause, the GQP has instead decided, to embrace them as core values, promoting them in a series of evermore disturbingly inhumane PR stunts. All if which, have been happily lapped up by Conservatives as if they were manna sent from the WASP Heaven that self-assuredly, they’ll all be granted entry to, without fear of consequence.

But until that finely rapturous day arrives, they’ll continue to passively-aggressively play the victim:

Poor Jimmy. He’s gone hos entire life without ever once being handed any of the magically mythical things that Conservatives perpetually claim that immigrants get for “:free”.

Now, as rational adults, we all knew that this ignorant as f**k diatribe, is just pure fantastical garbage, and little else, but for Spring, it’s a literal roadmap of his bigotry, privilege, and race-based paranoia, openly and proudly displayed, as if it were the Shroud of Turin.

Sharp-eyed readers will also note, that Spring holds his unwarranted contempt only for the immigrant class and the indigent, and not the 1% who to be fair, are one of the largest reasons why the tax burden on the average American is so goddamn ridiculous.

I won’t speak for you, but my ire is far more focused on the tax-dodging trio of Musk, Bezos, and Zuckerberg, far more than it is or will ever be, focused on Pedro from Venezuela.

However, I will give Spring some begrudging due credit for playing all the classic hits as it were. I mean there’s the standard ballad where the “others” are being handed everything under the sun on silver trays, then he gives us a quick change-up to the hard-rocking refrain wherein Spring, the ever noble worker does the work, while the lazy Cinnamon people sponge off the sweat of his Neanderthalic brow,

He then closes his set, with a tender plea for sympathy that he doesn’t deserve for slights that never happened, and as he does so, gives us all one last sardonic twist, asking for the ever desired “Victim Card”, which he’s obviously been playing for quite some time now.

From this and the previous postings I called attention to, I feel fairly comfortable calling Spring a POS racist, but as he’s a self-declared Christian, how does Spring’s alleged theological beliefs line up with his world view, given the edicts regarding travelers in the Bible?

(I’d say poorly, at best.)

For context, let me familiarize you with the passage of Jeremiah 7:5-7: “For if you truly amend your ways and your doings, if you truly act justly one with another, if you do not oppress the alien, the orphan, and the widow, or shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not go after other gods to your own hurt, then I will dwell with you in this place, in the land that I gave of old to your ancestors forever and ever.”

But Spring could care less about such celestial and supposedly unarguable proclamations, for as we’ve seen, he cherry-picks the Word, very much in the same way I do when faced with an unexpected bowl of Chex Party Mix.

In addition, Spring is also woefully uninformed of just what rights immigrants, legal or otherwise do have, the right to apply for asylum being one of them, as he views all non-Caucasians coming to “his” country as nothing less than opportunistic leeches;
As noted, I have yet to see Spring ever post a meme or any form of commentary regarding the demographic of the one-percent who’ve been bleeding American tax-payers dry for decades, but in his limited defense, Spring’s world view is so paranoidly small, I’d fear that any new information attempting to enter it, would crack both he and his psyche wide open, as if it were a dropped egg.   

But here’s the rub: despite proven and verified data that Spring’s racially paranoid fever-dream is just that, he also reserves equal contempt for the persons who do come here legally and find work in the literal fields that bigoted cucks such as Spring would never even take a passing glance at.

And yes, even with all of his slander invalidated, he still whines that he’s the real victim here, and not the problem, which as has already been proven regarding the majority of his claims, is pure unadulterated bullspit:

Jesus F Christ… I know he’s a cravenly bitch to begin with, but is it possible for Spring to stop mewling for even five minutes? Good god, I’ve babysat toddlers who throw less hissy-fits over nothing, and that’s their main form of communication. I do appreciate the irony that as Spring slurs those who speak two languages, he fails consistently to form a coherent thought using the one he grew up immersed in.

I can’t even imagine how Spring must act when he’s begrudgingly allowed to eat out, and discovers to his horror, that not only is the Kitchen staff mostly Latino, but bilingual, to boot. Spring’ bigotry however, is not an uncommon occurrence among the brain-dead masses that comprise the academic-hating base of the GQP, and as fear of the “other” Is literally their bread and butter, Spring’s idiocy is right on brand.

Irrespective of what is actually happening, whether it be abroad, or here at home, the GQP leadership has always needed a scapegoat for its defection circus, and over the decades, no other singular demographic has unwittingly served that purpose better than so-called “illegal” immigrants, whom Spring, in spite of being a self-declared Christian, willingly derides as being nothing less than freeloading leeches.

And just as all men cursed with indistinguishable character tend to do, they look for a solution to the imaginary issue that they themselves created out of their racist hatred for the “other’, and come up with resolutions so intolerable to the concept of what Humanity is supposed to be, that their true colors show through:

In case you were unaware, this meme references the fact that Ron DeSantis, the Governor of Florida, is using taxpayer money to transport undocumented aliens from TEXAS, shipping them off to so-called “Blue” states, without notifying said agencies of those states, that he’s going to do so.

It reminds me of that part in the Bible where Jesus says; “Taketh the hungry and the desperate, make sure to treat them as you would the common most of chattel, and when they find themselves delivered to their unexpected destination, blame those in opposition to your views as being the reason for their arrival and rejoice.”

I’m not sure where that particular passage is located, but I do believe it’s either in the Chronicles of Limbaugh, or maybe even possibly, the ever-so-inspiring Trials of Tucker.

To be clear, DeSantis is not engaging in what has been alleged to be human trafficking because he’s trying to protect Florida [the state he actually oversees] from an influx of the undocumented, he’s doing this as an abominable PR stunt to out-trump Trump, because as a dedicated disciple of the GQP’s inherent racism, he’s attempting to line himself up as the ideal candidate for becoming America’s next Fascist-in-Chief.

And as you’d expect, Spring, being both a faux Christian and an unquestionable racist, is totally fine with it, despite knowing deep down, that those who will put you on a plane for political advantage, will also be equally as comfortable in loading you into a boxcar, for the same.

And when it comes to this attitude, Spring as you’d surmise, is no maverick when faced with the tide of group think, but he does take it up a notch, by once again, amalgamating two entirely unrelated topics, and asserting that they’re not. In this case, Spring merges the issue of illegally trafficked immigrants to Martha’s Vineyard, with the power couple that he can’t abide, that being Michelle and Barack Obama, who just so happen to have a home in MV.

What do these two disparate topics have to do with each other, you may ask?

Not a goddamn thing actually, but as his measured point of debate posted here proves, and quite handily at that, the color of their skin has nothing to do with his dislike whatsoever, hence the reason why Barack’s visage is depicted here in the style of a flyer warning about a runaway slave:Yes… Barack Obama, former President of the United States, who hasn’t held a public office since 2016, is the “reason” why America’s cultural dynamic finds itself rent asunder in current 2022.

It has nothing to do with the lies, racism, misogyny, anti-LGBTQ hysteria, or the consistent wave of violent rhetoric from the Alt-Wrong, it’s all the fault of this uppity supposed member of the Deep State and Muslim Brotherhood who dared as a Black man, to sit in the WHITE House for eight years, as if he deserved to be there. And to be candid, I’m not sure if I’m more offended by the absurdity of Spring’s asinine theorem, or the amateurish quality of the posted sketch.

C’mon, my Alt-Wrong wackadoos- in the future, either bring your “A” for Aaryan game to the proverbial table, or just stay home clashing your white robe and hood collections, because this racist tripe right here, is just lazy-ass presentation, and quite honestly, I expect far better from someone who obsesses this much over their chosen colored boogeyman. But then again, maybe I should give credit to the fact that at least, Spring didn’t post something like this:

What a racist classic. All the tropes are equally represented here: Kool-Ade, fried chicken, and of course, watermelon, because if there’s one thing that the GQP does better than any other political party before or since, it’s the display of cultural sensitivity inherent within its minority outreach program.

But let’s not forget who’s really to blame for imagery like this- it’s the guy who is so annoyingly non-Caucasian, that we couldn’t help but notice, who’s to blame for what the Alt-Wrong is currently attempting to do to this country. And even worse, his wife is cut from the same cloth as he is; smart, cultured, responsible, but to Spring’s horror, it turned out that she was Black as well, and Spring knows just how to deal with that sort of impudence, by calling attention to something she has no creative connection to, or oversight of:As is typical when Spring spews his racial hatred thinly disguised as relevant social commentary, the story within, is typically not the one that he foists upon us at large. Concerning this non-story that Spring is obviously presenting as a slam against the popularity of what he considers to be “woke’ culture, the reality of is narrative, is far less reactionary.

What Spring is gleefully self-pleasuring himself to as we speak, is the cancellation of the anthology series “The First Lady.”  on the cable network known as Showtime. The first season of the anthology series cut between three different eras of the White House, following the political and private lives of Eleanor Roosevelt, Betty Ford, and Michelle Obama.

Overall, the series received a lukewarm response from critics, but it had less to do with the First Ladies represented (as Spring’s post implied) and far more to do with the show’s presentation of said historical figures, a nation expressed by TV critic Caroline Framke, who wrote that; “squeezing their stories together doesn’t just make for confusing television, but does them all a disservice in the process.”

To note, Michelle Obama has nothing to do with the series production, script writing, or even creative in out, past being a character advisor, and calling it “her” show, is akin to calling the character of Hawkeye in “Avengers: The Age of Ultron”, the “heart” of the super-hero team. It’s a nice thought, but it comes from out of nowhere, and makes absolutely no goddamn sense, much like most of Spring’s so-called cultural observations.

But mythical God love him, as no one else will, Spring won’t let the concrete entity of reality get in the way of a poorly crafted false narrative, especially when he can weaponize it to hypocritically slam those persons who are as a rule, his natural superiors at utilizing their capacity for emotional and intellectual understanding:

Other than the fact that as previously noted, the Obama’s maintain a residence in Martha’s Vineyard, the assertions made here are utterly and absurdly false. The couple has never once implied anything racist regarding the test flights to a future Dachau, nor have they said a single word inferring that said bigoted bussing was an unwelcome intrusion into their otherwise serene lives. But the ever-so-racist Spring needs a villain, and who better than the one that’s already serving as the Alt-Wrong’s go-to boogeyman?

When this homage to Kristallnacht started, the Alt-Wrong hierarchy and common faithful, was quick to come out in force to rally around DeSantis, (much to Trump’s disdain), and as is ever so predictable with this cabal of slack-brained jingoistic jackasses, an entire list of excuses and boasts were summarily presented to the massed asses, in order to increase their standing within the political sewage bubble that they so comfortably call home:

For the record, if you ever find yourself wondering whether you’re on the wrong side of both History and Humanity, check to see if Rafael “Ted” Cruz agrees with you, and if so, you’ll have your answer.  But as you move forward within the parameters of your life, now and in the future, never, ever, make the commitment to going full “Ted”. Just don’t do it.

However, when this gambit failed to take root, the GQP simply shifted tactics, and tried another far more odious tactic instead- this time around, they openly jeered that the people who were caught unaware by their inhumane political stunt, weren’t reacting the way they should, with compassion and grace. This opinion of course, hypocritically coming from the very same people who showed absolutely none when they decided to use their fellow human beings as political props:

I won’t speak for you of course, but don’t you just LOVE the unwarranted self-riotousness subtly intertwined within Spring’s multiple posted validations of both his character flaws, as well as his blatantly false adherence to Christian doctrine? Christ, it’s almost as if he thought we needed an accessible self-confession to prove what we already knew. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have the empirical evidence, but it’s not like we actually needed it.

Continuing on in that disingenuously unaware vein, Spring continues to mock the lack of public facilities readily available for the human cargo that his party so callously deposited in MV as if they were nothing more than jingoistic jetsam, deliberately overlooking the fact that shockingly, communities that cater to the ultra-wealthy and the famous, usually don’t have that type of infrastructure set in place, hence the reason why DeSantis and his cravenly cronies, chose it in the first place:

You know… to once again, “own” the Libs, regardless of the reality that they actually didn’t?

I could point out that Texas, where DeSantis so cruelly acquired his political pawns from, does have a number of said services specifically designed for that very singular purpose, but why use those, when there’s an opportunity to prove to the world entire, that you and your party, are the human equivalent of a case of AXE body spray?

But there’s a plot twist (or two) in regards to this story concerning an act of sheer political desperation and cold-heartedness made flesh, and the first kink in their plan is one that the Alt-Wrong truly never saw coming:

That’s right boys and girls, the ultra-rich, the incredibly famous, and the actual humans of MV, dropped whatever it was they were doing, and quickly rendered aid to the unforeseen new arrivals to their otherwise exclusive enclave, providing food, medical assistance, and yes, even lodging, along with sizeable donations of cash, despite Spring’s uninformed as usual, claims..

So please Jimmy Ray, tell me again just whose asses got owned outright? For as far as I can tell, my side seems to still have theirs, even after we so gleefully kicked yours into the gutter, where you and your repulsive ilk, justly belong. However, I did promise you a secondary plot twist, as I try to never renege on my promises unlike the majority of Conservatives, here it is:

Excuse me for one moment, if you please. [Artbitch closes laptop, takes deep breath…]
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!
[Artbitch composes self, opens laptop, starts typing again…]

Dear mythical God, can’t these jackasses do anything even half-right?

I mean… they’re the only group of people that I know of, who not only willingly shoots themselves in the metaphorical face every single time that they try to prove their dominance, they also seemingly, never learn anything beneficial from the experience of doing so. In essence, these maroons are the main reason why toothpaste and Preparation-H still carry usage instructions, because you just know at some point, these idiots confused the two, with the results you’d expect.

Generally, I don’t believe in Karma, as I think her quota is way behind the desired schedule of fulfillment, but I can only imagine what DeSantis and his conservative goons must have thought, when they heard the news that not only did their vile PR stunt hilariously backfire in the manner of a scheme as planned by Wile E. Coyote…

… but now, thanks to the clearly illegal act of trafficking human beings as if Amazon’s CEO was beta-testing a new division based in colonial-era Virginia, the very same people that were casually used as pawns by soulless political opportunists, may in fact, become full-fledged citizens of the United States, capable of voting out the selfsame jacklegs that due to their insidious intervention, caused this theoretical situation to be made an almost definitive certainty, much to the consternation of the Neocons:

[Neocon seen here, contemplating a future of multiple personal lawsuits, state criminal indictments, and the hopefully long list of prosecuted politicians, yet to come.]

In the end, the only resultant benefit from the GQP’s callous circle-jerk, is that as the most monstrous people on this f**ked-up planet hoping to verify that their political opponents were just as detestable as them when faced with a humane crisis, failed to do so in such a spectacular fashion, that not even their most ardent of their punditry puppets could sell it successfully across the board.

Save of course, for a few eternally racist dumbf**ks like Spring, who if he ever harbored an original thought in his otherwise empty head, would eventually see it wither and die, due to intellectual starvation. And if that isn’t the purest essence of Karma kicking in the front door, cracking skulls, taking names, and in general, just being a badass, boys and girls, I really don’t know what else is.

However, there is one last twist to this story of Spring Infernal, and it is a doozy. Despite his cravenly countenance representing as all things White-Winger, Spring himself, is actually of Native American heritage, which makes his unwarranted condemnation of both Latinos and African-Americans, that much more absurd, if not seriously hypocritical:

Look. I’d get it 100% percent if Spring took issue with Caucasians, as we are the reigning champions of on the road genocide, but to be so openly bigoted towards seasonal workers who do the jobs that White people abandoned quite some time ago, as well as the descendants of persons whose ancestors arrived here as forcibly delivered cargo?

That is a seriously f**ked up approach, no matter how you look at it.

But Spring, ever the unaware Janus of Jingoism, doesn’t see it that way, and he’s chosen to express his disingenuous disconnection from reality concerning cultural differences in quite possibly, the worst way a Neocon or any similarly defective human ever could; by weaponizing the literary bane that is poetry.

Really, certainly, actually, truly, categorically, bad poetry.

Think of it this way: if you’ve ever wondered, even for the merest of moments, what it would be like if Walt Whitman’s untalented 2nd cousin Chaz Whitman had a drunken three-way with Dr. Seuss and an atrabilious aardvark, then boy howdy, do I have the poet for you. And the easiest way to find him is at: Spring’s personal poetry website, known as okiepoet.com:

I felt it was only fair to give Spring’s so-called creative endeavors a plug, if only to thank him for all the inadvertent source material that he’s given mine. See? I know how to network, ye certain readers of little faith, and therefore, I think it would be nice to take a break from all of Spring’s well-documented personal awfulness, and enjoy some of his thankfully unknown creative awfulness instead.

No need to thank me. I do it for the love of the craft.
To start us off, let’s delve into this lone entry, taken from Spring’s “Patriotic” section.

“The Y-O-I Bunch”

Many years ago, I married a Yankee lass,
Never thought about the future didn’t care about her Yankee past.

Because the only thing on my mind, was this sweet and pretty one,
That attached herself to my side, and gave me so much fun.

The difference began to surface with some of the food she wanted me to eat,
I thought they smelled kind of funky, she thought it was such a treat.

Then, I had my food, I thought was oh so grand,
But at it she turned up her nose, and said that I can not stand.

 An Okie-Yankee mix is what our kids would have to be,
With Choctaw Indian thrown in to make part three.

They got the best of both, the best we had to give,
So Yankie-Okie-Indian, together we’ll have to live.

©JRS 6-15-99
…………………………………..

Dear mythical God, this reads as if a Hallmark card went on a three-day drunken bender with a Hobby Lobby Christian wall sampler, and found itself eventually abandoned within the back discount rack of a Dollar General store. Shocking that his creativity appears to be in line with his intellect, given the fact that his poetic output and cultural worldview, are both seemingly twenty years+ out of date, but let’s take a gander at a few more of his lyrical offerings, if only to assuage my cynicism.

Maybe this one from his “My Early Years” section, will give me some insight as to why Spring is the way he is:

“Not For Free” 

Late one summer on an August day,
My cousin came for a while to stay.

Walter was about twelve, my brother eleven,
I tagged along at about six or seven.

I didn’t know what plans they had,
Just the thought of adventure and I was glad.

We walked and walked down a lonely dirt road,
No signs of life, not even a horny toad.

Finally they stopped at a barbed wire fence,
As they explained the plan, it all made sense.

This one ol’ fence was just no match,
To keep us out of a watermelon patch.

Of course they neglected to tell little me,
The fruit of our labor was not really free!

Although, it didn’t take long to find this out,
As we heard a very loud and angry shout.

Then two big booms and I heard, “Shotgun!”
We dropped our loot and started to run.

We couldn’t get through the fence fast enough,
As those sharp ol’ barbs made it really rough.

No watermelons for all our pain,
But a lesson for sure we did attain.
©JRS 4-2-04
…………………………….

Somewhere, most likely in a faraway place where dogs run free, and homemade apple pies are to be found cooling on windowsills, the ghost of Norman Rockwell can be heard gagging in a corner, after reading this steaming pile of schmaltz so steeped in saccharine Americana, that by comparison, makes the Brady’s come off as if they were the Lannisters from Game of Thrones.

Now, if I were forced to craft a viable location to present the thankfully last poem I’m about to share with you, I’d place it inside the familiarity of a run-down and out of the way country bar, where the deepest of personal regrets and bad decisions meet, and I’d leave it at that. Seriously, if someone out there doesn’t set these words to a Hank Williamsesque dirge replete with a steel guitar, I’m going to be really disappointed.

“Lovin”

What do I do when the lovin’ ends?
When your heart is broken and the cryin’ begins?

Do you sit around moping thinking of the past,
Trying to figure out why his love didn’t last?

 Well, stop it girl, you’ve got to let go,
That he broke your heart, he must never know.

Put on a smile and wipe those tears,
Get out of the house and face your fears.

‘Cause there’s no sense whining and wearing a frown,
When love is happening and waiting to be found.

When you meet again, look him in the eye,
Smile really sweet and just say, “Hi!”

Tell him you’d like to chat but you really have to run,
Cause your life is overflowing with things you haven’t done.

Walk quickly away with a sway to your hips,
Let a happy smile caress your lips.

Glance over your shoulder with a twinkle in your eye.
Say, “So long, it’s my turn to say GOODBYE!”
©JRS 11-14-07
…………………………….

So, when it comes to the assessment of Spring’s creative trove of treacly offerings as well as his political opinions, I can only offer this sage observation by the lauded scientist, physicist, and medical doctor with seven Ph.D.’s, Dr. Bruce Banner, who at times, moonlights as the Incredible Hulk:

Now, there is a reason why I decided to cap this screed off with Spring’s excruciatingly awkward poetry, set up against the disconnection from actual reality that he so openly displays, and it is based solely on his abhorrent political views, his allegedly disingenuous faith, and how he views the world entire,

Spring may come off as nothing more than a walking punchline to a joke that nobody finds funny, or even perhaps, as a vile caricature of what modern-day conservatism has become, but that would be an inaccurate, if not arrogant, generalization at best.

In my opinion, humble as it may be, Spring is a simple symptom of a far larger and considerably more virulent social disease, that being sheer willful ignorance, stuffed with religious hypocrisy, seasoned with racism, garnished with anti-LGBTQ sentiment, and served ice-cold, with a side dish of misogyny, unwarranted paranoia, and abject fear of the New and the Other.

The certainty of life is that nobody is a walking cartoon, even if like Spring, their inanely inhumane ideology gives the general impression that they’re at the very least, an ambulatory collection of bumper sticker catchphrases come to life. As the old joke goes; “Hitler was nice to his dogs… right up to the point where he shot one, and then poisoned the other.”

This is not to say that Spring would ever harm a dog, much less himself or for that matter, another person, but I for one, wouldn’t want this hatefully dimwitted demagogue anywhere near my wonderfully diverse community, given his bigotry, his hypocrisy, and his overall inability to accept those that dare to be so proudly and openly different than he.

In essence Spring is a relic. A throwback to an era thankfully passed, and fading into unpleasant sepia-toned memory. A disreputable dinosaur. A spiteful flag-bearer of a cruel ideology, that no longer has a seat at the metaphorical table. Not that it ever deserved one to begin with.

If anything, James Ray Spring should serve as a cautionary tale to us all, concerning just what can happen when one allows themselves to be indoctrinated into a cult of personality founded on fear, hate, gullibility, and unfettered suspicion of the world at large. And while I feel that Spring is unsalvageable, there are others out there just like him, who just might be able to make the trip back to that which is real.

Spring at one point, could have caught that allegorical bus as well, but he was too busy throwing his humanity and so-called allegiance to his faith underneath it, to notice it was departing.

 

“It may well be that we will have to repent in this generation. Not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people who sit around and say, “Wait on time.”- Martin Luther King Jr.,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Dope Springs Infernal, Part 1. (The Trumpists that Blow.)

“Wayne Michael Reich; I feel fine because I know I’m going to be Raptured and you’re going to burn for Eternity and no amount of denial on your part can change it.” – James Spring, self-declared Oklahoma-based Christian, showcasing the duplicity of his Faith, as no one else can.

 Greetings, Bitchiteers!
Whatever shall we talk about today?

Well, over the last few screeds, I’ve discussed the inanity of politically-based conspiracy theories, examined the illogicality of the pro-Trump movement intertwined within the same, and with my usual thoughtful discretion, dismembered this bumper-sticker ideology, that as a rule, has been distilled through a filter rife with quasi-Evangelical hypocrisy.

As I will come to highlight, using examples set forth by cafeteria Christians, such as the above quoted James Spring and others to be mentioned, the rabbit holes of inane illogicity run far deeper than most realize, and sadly, they have not only consumed the intellect of a number of unfortunate and gullible dullards, but as Spring’s words will demonstrate in time, they’ve consumed their humanity as well.    

And despite the incontrovertible evidence that underpins this assessment of mine, these same purveyors of a puerile faith still maintain that by any measure, their abominableness towards their fellow humans, is wholly approved by the one true God- you know, the deity whose teachings they don’t follow, the writer of the words they do not correctly interpret, and the originator of the lessons that they do not learn from, even at the expense of their own comfort?

This in turn, has led to Spring and his like-minded cultist brethren, most of whom are suffering from a severe case of mango-man-crush, to attempt to validate the inherent ridiculousness of their obviously manufactured celestial deity, by deliberately overlooking those qualities of his, which at best, define him as nothing less than a mercurial sociopath.

Now, while this acerbic assessment of mine could be equally applied to both God, and his GQP anointed successor Donald Trump, I’ll just leave that up to you, my loyal readers, to eventually ascertain which is which, for yourselves.

As expected, such mental moribundity isn’t propelled by the actions of a singular individual, even if like Trumpism, it is the definitive characterization of a Personality Cult. No self-styled supreme leader operates within a total vacuum, as we well know, and regardless of the mango man-child’s overblown Ego, if he didn’t have his slavishly disturbed cheerleaders hyping his name 24/7. he wouldn’t have squat.

But unlike the aesthetically pleasing cheer-leading squad of our high school days, and the out of our league ones usually associated with professional sport teams, these particular hopping heralds of hypocrisy, are no better than the dancers working the lunch shift at that strip club located just outside of town.

You know, the kind of place that’s so skeevy, that if you accidentally dropped your car keys, you’d debate just how much you really needed them, if only to avoid making direct contact with the floor?

And therein, lies the underpinning for today’s literary exploration of America’s continuing investment into playgrounds for the sociopathic. It was once the norm, that if you ever had the misfortune to run into your stereotypical and dimwitted demagogue, you had the options of either walking away, or just willfully tuning them out as you enjoyed your bar-style nachos. But sadly, such is not the case any longer, nor has it been, for quite some time now.

To be fair, it would be relatively easy for myself to paint the fans of Trump, who’s currently representing America as our favorite go-to Fanta-tinted Fascist, as nothing more than an inbred cabal of cravenly, toothless, hateful howler monkeys, but this is most certainly not the case, and quite honestly, it’s also a lazy comparison to make, as well.

After all, even the densest of monkeys knows how to act when they’re around other monkeys outside of their barrel, and I see no need to unwarrantedly slur such fine creatures, by placing them in the same ideological realm as the abominably ignorant ones that constitute the cultural scourge that is Trumpism. To quote the old maxim; “Although it is true that not all Conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative.”

Now, I understand that as a self-described Liberal, such an utterance could (and should) be regarded with a grain of salt, if not a pound, but I’m also fairly confident that not only could I easily prove my theorem with minimal effort, I could do so, using only the evidentiary proof that Conservatives hand out ever so graciously, as if it were tax breaks to the 1%. Or to be more accurate, the rationalizations they concoct to validate the necessity for Trump’s myriad assemblage of crimes, if not his well-documented unethical behavior.

Sigh. Sady, I’m aware that there’s at least one of my conservative fan-stalkers, sitting there all alone in his mom’s garage with only his cellphone and a microwaved Hot Pocket for company, bleating angrily; “What “Crimes” or “Ethical Lapses”, Artbitch?” so here’s the list, both proven, and alleged. Let’s start with lawsuits alleging Constitutional violations during his distractors term as President:

Cases involving the First Amendment: Knight First Amendment Institute v. Trump, CNN v. Trump, WeChat Users Alliance v. Trump, Cases involving the Fifth Amendment: Department of Homeland Security v. Regents of the University of California, as well as New York v. Trump and Vidal v. Nielsen. Case involving an alleged violation of the Fourteenth Amendment: Stone v. Trump. Cases alleged violations of the Foreign Emoluments Clause: CREW v. Trump, D.C. and Maryland v. Trump, Blumenthal v. Trump.

Then there are the lawsuits concerning his executive orders, presidential proclamations and memorandums: City and County of San Francisco v. Trump, City of Chelsea v. Trump, Aziz v. Trump Darweesh v. Trump, Doe v. Trump, Louhghalam v. Trump, Mohammed v. United States, Sarsour v. Trump, Washington v. Trump, Hawaii v. Trump, International Refugee Assistance Project v. Trump, Bhattarai v. Nielsen, Ramos v. Nielsen, East Bay Sanctuary Covenant v. Trump, TikTok v. Trump, Jane Doe v. Trump, Stone v. Trump, Karnoski v. Trump, and ending with, Stockman v. Trump.

And now, let’s address his lawsuits centering around his legal violations, as there’s the matter of his Grand Jury Subpoena regarding the Mueller Investigation, allegations of violating the Presidential Records Act of 1978, and the addition of CREW and National Security Archive v. Trump and EOP,

Not to mention, there’s also the alleged violations of the Federal Advisory Committee Act, leading to the cases’ ACLU v. Trump and Pence, Joyner v. Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity, NAACP v. Trump, to name just a few.

Disturbingly, this isn’t even anywhere near to being a complete list, as at the time of this writing, Trump is facing scores of legal challenges, targeting his business dealings, his finances, his taxes, his charity entanglements, and last, but certainly not least, the hubris-fueled misdeeds of his contemptible presidency, the J6 Insurrection attempt, and his alleged stealing (and possible sale) of classified documents, being at the top of this particular pile of pustulant transgression.

And keep in mind, that this list also omits the numerous alleged claims of slander and defamation, the fraudulent business practices that led to multiple bankruptcies and trump University, as well as the also numerous sexual assault cases that he’s been either keeping at arm’s length for several years, or settling out of court, using hush payments and air-tight NDA’s to keep them off the public’s radar, not that such as we’ve seen, matters to his Goosestep Wives fan club, to begin with.

And just how collectively far gone are these cultists, you query? Well, given all that I just noted, and taking into account what has been streaming non-stop via electronic media, I’d say this posting by one John Venturino Sr, of Scottsbluff, Nebraska, definitely sets the tone for what I’m about to discuss:

You heard it here first, boys and girls, unless of course, you’ve previously heard it repeated ad nauseam on OAN, Breitbart, FOX, and obviously by whatever serves as the screaming voices in Venturino’s otherwise empty head. January Sixth, which saw the Capitol overrun by insurrectionists attempting to overthrow democracy by attempting to stop the verifying of a valid election, was a “peaceful” protest.

All that stuff you saw on TV or Social Media live-stream, where people were attacking cops, chanting “Hang Mike Pence!”, and carrying the flags of Trump and the defeated Confederate states down the hallways of the UNITED STATES CAPITOL, was just window dressing set in motion by the agents of Antifa, BLM, or a legion of space aliens, who were clearly operating under the orders of the Deep State Illuminati, or even perhaps, a far more terrifying, and as yet undiscussed, cabal:

All of these BTW, are strong contenders for the title of the “Real Villains”, according to right-wing wackadoos like Venturino, but as its been a really busy week for me, I have truly no idea who the current crowd favorite is, although for my money, I really do hope it’s the Pentaverate, because as far as secret societies go, you just know that the one run by Canadians, would be by far, one of the nicest to hang out with.

But ol’ Johnny here, isn’t quite done just yet, showcasing his lack of grasp on reality, if not the intrigue of national politics, no siree Bob- he’s got quite the absence of hold as well, when it comes to just how he thinks that the finale of Trump’s Mar-a-Lago telenovela will play out:

A small detail I would like to call attention to here, if I may. If my initial background research into Venturino is correct, he’s currently 62 years old. Now, while I at 53 am no spring chicken myself, I hardly think that anyone under the age of 45, would see either one of us as a credible threat to their personal safety, and that’s with the full understanding of whether we were armed to the teeth, or not.

But mythical God love him, since no one of working intelligence will, Venturino will not allow himself to be dissuaded from this Right-Wing Red Dawn scenario that he’s crafted within his limited acumen, and as you might have expected, it all started with an enemy so dangerous to his sense of faux patriotism, he felt compelled to stand up and say “Not on my watch, you enemy domestic!”

So, you ask, whom is this most dangerous adversary that Venturino seems more than willing to put on camo and strap on ammo, to go up against? Well, probably not whom you expected:

Is it just me, and feel free to tell me if it is, but does it seem like the choices for Republican “enemies”, is getting less impressive as Time marches forward? I mean… they started off with the Anti-fascist and BLM, movements, and now, have found themselves reduced to complaining about cartoons (more on that in a bit) and sexagenarians with lung cancer.

Damn. How the mighty on their high horses, have fallen. And yet, we’re supposed to believe in their fever-dream that these mental midgets are going to “take back”: America, when they can’t even take a tasteless joke to start with?

As I noted, my newest BFF wrapped snugly in his ideologically delusional camo, truly feels an armed skirmish for America’s soul is on the way, which in and of itself, is kind of ironic, considering that he willingly sold his, to a mango-tinted Antichrist, quite some time ago. And I might add that he did so, for no profit whatsoever.

But that’s the way you can truly own the Libs, boys and girls, by sacrificing your principles for a red hat made in China, and the mercurial approval of the World’s Angriest Creamsicle. But this festering rot within Venturino’s character aside, he does possess the insight of just how this supposed Civil War, undertaken to protect the fascist whims of a mango Mussolini, will kick off, and just who will start it

My unfortunate misspelling of the word “people” aside, my retort highlights that while its been quite some time since I’ve owned a gun, or a number of guns for that matter, at no point do I ever recall the ammunition for said armaments, becoming independently sentient and taking the initiative to secure my overall safety.

And when it gets right down to the brass tacks of Venturino’s concept, I honestly do hope that nobody’s actually working diligently on developing that kind of technology either, because:

But Venturino, sad to say, isn’t alone in his cultish adherence to the thought of an impending Civil War between actual Americans, and the cravenly cesspool of failed Humanity that he and so many others of his paranoiac ilk represent, for just as a shark’s mouth has rows of replacement teeth ready to exchange themselves for those that have fallen or been knocked out, the Alt-Right has its own disposable assets as well.

And with that lead-in, let me introduce you now, to one Lance Klafeta, who is in tandem, a staunch conservative, a proud MAGAt, of Germanic descent, and at first glance, is seemingly, nuttier than a batch of my Oma’s classic Nussgebäck:

Klafeta, a resident of Albuquerque, NM, also just so happens to be, the President of the Edelweiss am Rio Grande German-American Club, also based in the same, and whose publicly stated objectives are [my paraphrasing] as follows; the promotion and maintenance of, (but not limited to) traditional German-American customs and events, to help its members to generate and maintain fellowship through group activities and Gemuetlicheit, which for the uninitiated, is “a state or feeling of warmth, friendliness, and good cheer”.

However, when you remember that you just read a social media post wherein Klafeta just called for the wholesale slaughter of legislators, his lauding of such, seems a tad bit disingenuous, to my ears, or if I want to stay on brand with my Teutonic theme, it’s “unaufrichtig”, at best.

The other announced goals of Klafeta’s Boys from Brazil support group include; “the advancement of good German-American relations, to form associations with other like-minded organizations, the encouragement of youth activities, and the sustaining of a clean and dignified atmosphere in all club activities.”

Now, I don’t want to sound alarmist, but I think we all remember what happened the last time a bunch of community-orientated Germans with similar ideas, all got together over a plate of Bratwurst and flagons of beer to discuss what could be accomplished with just the right amount of creative publicity, but I’ll digress for now, if only to flesh out my narrative regarding Klafeta’s political leanings, which to be fair, can be somewhat troubling:  

Yes, you did read that right- Donald J. Trump, serial adulterer, Sunday golfer, con-man, cravenly liar, alleged traitor, admitted predator of women, wisher of well upon pedophiles, whore-monger, and the guy who once autographed Bibles for Alabamans tornado survivors without the merest trace of self-referential irony, is “fighting” a Satanic global cabal, as the chosen Champion of Christ.

I know that God is rumored to work in “mysterious ways”, as evidenced by Ecclesiastes 11:5, which says;  “As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all”, but does that also imply, that he likes to also work in ways that are nothing less than retarded as well, too?

Because if so, anointing Trump to serve as your victor is an act of self-hating administrative creativity on par with whomever invented Shoe Umbrellas, as well as the corporate machination that is Mc Donald’s, green-lighting the development of the Frork.

And yes, not only should you Google both of those products when you get the chance, you need to do the same with the awesomeness that is the art of Chindōgu that obviously inspired all three of these unfortunate impositions upon the world. Just trust me on this, and I can assure you, that you will not be disappointed.

My flippancy notwithstanding, I, as a proud first-generation son of Germany, would normally be on board with my fellow Landsmann (as it were) in defending our new Vaterland, if not for the fact that our approach to doing so, differs somewhat. For instance, I believe in the democratic process, underpinned and fortified by both voting and legislative action, but my fellow Kraut in Arms, Klafeta here, has a slightly different take in regards to how America should handle its personal business:

Far be it from me to tell Klafeta how to go about his day, but I would suggest that if your culture has quite the bad reputation in relation to their previous attempts at cornering the market on enforced sleepaway camp franchises, the referencing of such, might just be considered a tad bit ill-advised by your promotional division.

Just saying. And as to the normally vile comment I scribed concerning Klafeta’s weight? Well, I can only offer the following justification, in my otherwise limited defense: 

This. Just this. With no due respect, am I supposed to believe without reservation, that this waddling pile of wackadoo Weißwürste, is a vital component within the Vanilla Vanguard of Militia-ocrity that’s intent on reclaiming America back from the dual ravaging scourges that are Logic and Humanity?

While I have no definitive knowledge of Klafeta’s abilities in regards to his interpersonal combat skillset, I’m also fairly confident, that the only way this land-based Orca could fatally injure someone, is if he accidentally tripped over his own two fat feet, and landed on them. 

If I ever found myself in a face to multiple chins confrontation with this Fettarsch, I’d be secure in the knowledge that all I need do to defeat him, would be to either climb a set of stairs, ask him to read the first page of a science book, or in a finishing move, throw a Family-sized salad at him. And I say this, as someone who is unabashedly, a HUGE fan of his selfie.

Just look at it. If you saw this jolliest of Bavarian bouncing balls coming towards you at Oktoberfest, not only would you take his recommendations for the best Vanillekipferln tent at face value, you’d happily don lederhosen, and join him on stage to dance the Schuhplattler, as well. Don’t lie. We all know you would, because so would we.

However, having the foreknowledge that our contrarian Aryan here, is seemingly excited by the notion of reopening the exit-less day spas of his heritage for enemies real and supposed, does tend to put quite the chill on that overall good vibe somewhat, does it not? But as it is with most of these lard-balls of lunacy, their inherent and ignorant destructiveness, goes far beyond just fantasies of violent ideological validation- there’s also the fantastical absurdity of how their New World Disorder should be administrated:

Before you start sniping, I do realize that this is a joke. Granted, its not a clever, intelligent, or even funny joke, but it does qualify as a joke nonetheless, despite its manufacture by a waddling cautionary tale regarding the ill-advised birthing of a land-whale that’s ostensibly into fascist cosplay. But for now, let’s set all of that to the side, so we can look at Sigmund Sauerkraut’s disturbingly vapid take on modern-day politics.

Obviously, Klafeta’s choice for President of Dunderworld, is going to be the currently disgraced boiled ham wearing a wig, Donald J. Trump, but who are the rest of the people in his nattering neighborhood, exactly?

To start, Marjorie Taylor Greene, is an American [in designation only] politician who has served as Georgia’s14th congressional district representative since 2021, and who also, just so happens to be a full-blown conspiracy theorist as well, espousing a wide range of maniacally insane conjectures, ranging from Jewish Space Lasers being utilized to start forest fires in America, to the infamous QAnon-inspired abomination, known as “Frazzledrip” , which started circulating among these insipids around May of 2018.

The conspiracy inanely proposes that Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin a former Clinton aide, were willingly videotaped participating in a Satanic blood sacrifice ritual, wherein the duo sexually assaulted a bound child, before surgically removing said child’s face, so that it could be worn as a mask. However, in a final plot twist, this insane as f**k Saw homage, goes one further, and alleges that Clinton then ordered that the police officer who found the footage, was to be assassinated, in order to keep the whole thing under metaphorical wraps.

Apparently, while Clinton’s hit squad did get the job done, her marketing team on the other hand, obviously dropped the ball, especially if the intellectually slack-hole that is MTG, was able to put two and two together without the help of her supervisory care aide. But ironically, since MTG did once call for current speaker Nancy Pelosi to be executed for imaginary “Treason”, I can see why Dieter the Dough-boy here, gave her the hypothetical job.

After all, slaying someone who is in your way of getting to the top, is a time-honored German tradition, I just always assumed it would be done by someone who didn’t have such a consistently strong track record of shooting themselves in the face.

Klafeta’s next dream pick for his fantasy fraudball league, is one Rand Paul, who is at this time, the junior U.S. senator from Kentucky. In office since 2011, Paul is the end result of what happens when the nefariously concocted plan of two first cousins’ intent on thwarting their family tree from ever having branches, is allowed to play out to its unnatural conclusion.

As you’ve come to expect, Paul is as ethically challenged as any other current GQP member, having been involved in an insider trading scandal involving his wife in 2021, the details of which, he did not disclose until close to a year and a half after the deadline to do so, had passed.

Paul is also infamous for his cavalier attitude during the initial stages of the COVID-19 crisis, where despite the obvious danger to others, and while he was still awaiting his later positive test results, he still attended group lunches with his contemporaries, used the Congressional-access elevators within the Capitol, held conferences in close contact with the Press, and continued to work out in the puzzlingly still-open Senate gym.

Add in his transparently staged showboating for the camera interactions with Dr. Anthony Fauci, the lauded physician-scientist and immunologist serving as the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, as well as being the Chief Medical Advisor to the President, and it’s fairly obvious where this odious ophthalmologist turned dimwitted demagogue, has placed his so-called priorities.

And did I mention that his former 2010 campaign manager, Jesse Benton, was once indicted in 2016 on multiple counts, including conspiracy to solicit and cause an illegal campaign contribution by a foreign national? Nope, you say?

Well, don’t worry your pretty little heads about it, as Trump pardoned him in December of 2020, and I’m 100% confident that Paul’s slavish deference to Trump, such as calling for the repeal of the Espionage Act, which could be used to prosecute Trump if he’s found guilty, wasn’t his way of paying him back, for doing so.

Sure, maybe he’s never made a big show of his opposition to it, despite voting against the measure that Trump signed into law in 2018, increasing penalties for absconding with classified material from a maximum of one year to five years, but that doesn’t mean anything, right? He probably just woke up one morning, just a few coincidental days after the Mar-a Lago raid, and thought to himself, as we all most certainly must have done at some point; “Gee, I think it’s really unfair to hold an ex-President accountable for committing an act of alleged Espionage”.

In fact, Paul, who as just noted, has never once shown any defined antagonism toward this vitally necessary law for the protection of our country’s most sensitive state secrets, found the situation at hand so infuriating, that he couldn’t stop himself from tweeting about it:Damn. That’s a strong (albeit hypocritical) stance, considering that I don’t recall seeing, hearing, or reading one dissenting opinion out of this sniveling grandstanding weasel’s camp, regarding the (according to his own words) “abuse” of this law to prosecute and eventually convict such persons as Thomas Drake, a former NSA official, who was prosecuted for interacting with a journalist for the Baltimore Sun, concerning the NSA’s Trailblazer project, an inland surveillance program.

I’m pretty sure that Shamai Leibowitz, who was an FBI translator at the time of his legal troubles, and who was penalized with 20 months in prison for sharing FBI wiretap intel with a blogger, would have appreciated Paul’s opinion regarding the EA, if only he had volunteered it, when appropriate. And let’s not overlook. Former CIA officer John Kiriakou, indicted for giving a reporter classified intel regarding not only the identity of a covert agent, but whom also revealed to the world entire, the CIA’s abominably inhuman use of waterboarding as a tool of interrogation.

Where was Paul and his faux outrage then?

And while his father Ron Paul, (a former U.S. rep for Texas) did express admiration for the actions of Bradley (now Chelsea) Manning, an Army private who provided a quarter-million classified documents to purported whistleblower website WikiLeaks, Rand himself, had a far different opinion, saying at a Caro University event in 2013, that:

“There do have to be laws to protect some secrets. I think if you’ve got the, you know, the plans on how to make a nuclear bomb that is a state secret. If you give that to the enemy, that is being treasonous. Even if you reveal it, you just have to have laws against that. What Manning did was just willy-nilly, just released millions of pages of things and I think some people have said there is potentially some harm from that. You know individual agents that could have been killed or put at risk from this. So there is a problem with that. So I just can’t support that.”

This past commentary however, is somewhat removed from what he alluded to, when asked about his current public stance regarding the EA, fresh on the heels of the M-A-L raid conducted by the FBI, which caught Trump small orange-handed, in illegal possession of classified documents. Transparently avoiding the albatross that is Trump’s act of alleged arrogant espionage, all Paul had to say was the following

“We have had people who have been whistleblowers- probably the most well-known whistleblower we’ve had is Edward Snowden.… He showed people that the American government was breaking the law, that they were retrieving all of our information. And so, for a long time, I thought the Espionage Act is something that could be used to stifle dissent and freedom of speech.”

As you may have surmised however, the issue with Trump’s illegal possession of classified documents, has nothing to do with the thorn-laden issue of Free Speech, and everything to do with the far easier to diagnose reality of alleged treason, so Paul’s reticence to answer the question directly, is both understandable, if not openly telling.

After all, what kind of cravenly lackey outside of the literary character known as Renfield, would willingly admit to being so? Paul is just another toady doing what he’s told, in exchange for the hope that one day, Trump will say nice things about him to Sean Hannity, and that’s it.

However, in relation to my dissection of our bloviating Bratwurst’s list of alleged luminaries, his next candidate, the former Marine Lt. Col. Stuart Scheller Jr., is a bit of a puzzler. For starters, Scheller’s only a “former” Marine, due to his very public act of calling for accountability from leadership, both military and political, as well as current and past, concerning conduct related to the pointless war in Afghanistan

Talking about his reservations, Scheller Jr, noted it as thus: “The reason so many people are upset on social media right now is not because the Marine on the battlefield let someone down, people are upset because their senior leaders let them down, and none of them are raising their hands and accepting accountability or saying, ‘We messed this up.’”

For taking this bold and dare I say, accurate stance, Scheller Jr. was jailed as a “flight risk”, an assessment he vehemently denies, and eventually court-martialed, receiving a general discharge under honorable conditions, the lowest allowed under the conditions of his plea deal, which in my opinion, was more to soothe the politically bruised egos of those in charge, rather than for any form of misconduct on Scheller Jr’s part.

So, with this one, no jokes no sarcasm. Instead, I will say thank you for your service and dedication to duty, sir. I’m just not sure how you got on the list, having a sense of personal integrity and all. My guess, is that Dieter the Bavarian dipstick here, misinterpreted your actions, and felt he should laud you for the wrong reason.

Semper Fi. Oorah.

But now, we come to the cherry-picked Candyass on top of Klafeta’s undercooked Gugelhupf, and it is a doozy, as you have already read: Kyle Rittenhouse, the acquitted murderer and wannabe militiaman, to serve as the Secretary of Defense.

Yes, it’s an obvious joke on Klafeta’s part, but it also isn’t. Kyle, ever so wittily monikered as “Kyle Cleaninghouse”, by the sociopaths that comprise the modern-day GQP, is best known for taking an AR-15 he should not have possessed, going to a city he had no connection to, and claiming that he was only there to provide “protection from rioters”, even though he had no training or legal authority to do so, as he was only 17 at the time.

What this overgrown man-child did accomplish however, was the cold-blooded murder of two protestors, and heinously blowing the arm off a third, before attempting to leave the scene of carnage that he had fomented, as if he had just finished a Happy Meal, and needed to get home and play with the toy he had just been gifted with.

And while he cried crocodile tears like a bitch on the stand during his sham of a trial…

… he had previously and quite openly, displayed a far less remorseful and somber attitude as he was galivanting about his hometown in public, after being unconscionably allowed the privilege of walking around on bail, seemingly without a care in the world:

Yup. That’s Klafeta’s favorite little murderer for the Alt-Wrong, posing for selfies, wearing a T-shirt that says “Free as Fuck”, and acting as if he had just won the state football championship single-handedly, which to his fellow sociopathic loser fan club, he just kind of had. See, for all their talk of “Law and Order”, today’s Conservative movement sees the equitable application of such, as wildly inconvenient for their agenda.

Case in point:

Yes indeed, no better way to showcase your infinite respect for law and order, than by attacking cops wholesale, pillaging a government institution engaged in certifying a valid election, threatening the people who work inside it with grave physical harm or even Death, and doing so, not based on some legitimate claim of political corruption, but because your mango man-crush, didn’t want to leave the position that he proved himself unworthy of holding, since his first day in office.

Now, while the sane still walking among us correctly call this an obvious attempted coup, the Alt-Wrong instead, chooses to refer to it as no more than a “peaceful protest”, and blames the resultant violence of their deliberate actions, on imaginary enemies, as a deflection from obsessively documented Realty.

Whether they wish to admit it or not, the GQP has become a Death-cult of the highest order, and regardless of the topic at hand being discussed, albeit immigration or abortion, their metaphorical streets are always stained crimson with the blood of their self-invented foes. Of which, there are seemingly many, according to the endless litanies put forth by these paranoid Mayonnaise Milkshakes.

So, Kyle here, is a natural fit for a dimwitted demographic that thinks it can overthrow the government using memes, the power of red Chinese-made hats, and a supply of dollar-store zip-ties.

I won’t speak for you of course, but if I were afraid of everyone and everything that I couldn’t condescend to understand, I doubt strongly that I’d be putting myself out there as a revolutionary for the working class, especially if my political support was placed squarely in the camp that goes out of its way to inflict the moist painful damage upon it.

Where there was once the chance of Centrism existing within the Conservative cabal, those days and that hope, are long gone, as Extremism rules the day, and the only way to succeed as a Republican candidate, is to embrace this demonic ideology with open arms, if not a corrupted soul.

Keep in mind, if you would, these jackasses are the very same people that think sending the undocumented to liberal cities, is somehow “owning the Libs”, when all it actually does, is once again prove that these Fascist f**kheads, are always on the wrong side of both history and humanity.

Oh no, Trumpers, you helped inadvertently, reaffirm that across the board, and on almost every level, that we’re far better people than you. I have no idea how we’ll ever overcome carrying the weight of a good and noble reputation based on personal decency and transparent morality.

But then again, as they did imbue a mentally-deranged future headline with influence both undeserved and untenable, maybe watching them implode as it dawns on them that they’ll never be more than a walking punchline to the intellectuals who will still rule over them, is something we should just sit back and enjoy in the end.

Because mythical Lord knows, if they put stock in the delusion that Kyle is going to be their Great White Hope, it’s going to be a far worse letdown than when they placed all their faith in a bigoted Oompa-Loompa, who unfortunately for their cause, turned out to be rabid as well.

As for Klafeta’s last asinine offering, that being “no one” should be the Secretary of Education, I can’t say that I’m all too surprised, as the current one, Dr. Miguel Cardona, is exactly the type of person Conservatives loathe: college educated, (natch) community orientated, highly respected, and (GASP!) Puerto Rican in heritage.

A former teacher, principal, and district administrator from Connecticut, Cardoza is regarded by his former colleagues for his adeptness at solving problems, rather than creating them, as his successor, the truly reviled Betsy DeVos, was apt to do. Given all that, it’s easy to see why a fan of Fascist cosplay, such as Klafeta seems to be, would want that particular position to remain unstaffed.

Multiple scientific studies have shown that when it comes to the level of one’s personal education, the more learned that you are, the higher the odds that you’re going to lean politically Liberal, and that’s what the majority of  the GQP leadership truly fears at the end of the day: smart people turning into well-informed voters with critical thinking skills.

Think about it. Imagine proudly being in a party that wants to ban the teaching of your own culture’s history, because it’s so terrible in its scope of monstrosity, that any attempted defense of it, would seem far worse. Not to mention, what political movement in this country is behind the majority of measures restricting the rights of its fellow citizens, so as long as they’re not straight White Christian men?

It sure as f**k, isn’t the one that wants to forgive $10K in student debt, and when compared to the one that instead, drafted a law (Texas SB-8) that allows private citizens to file a civil lawsuit against anyone who knowingly “aids or abets” an abortion, for the possibility of being awarded the same amount in supposed “damages”, the question of just who the good guys really are, truly isn’t that hard to figure out.

Add to that vehemently unconstitutional pile of Puritanism, the reality that Conservatives still go out of their way to ban and burn books in an age where such can be instantaneously downloaded to your phone, just goes to strengthen my inherent belief, that these totalitarian twats have absolutely no goddamn idea what f**king century they’re currently living in.

All jokes aside though, I do feel bad for Klafeta, somewhat. The melancholy he must feel being born far too late for an era when Brownshirts were all the fascism… oops, I meant to say “fashion”, but you get the idea. Regardless of my Freudian slip, it still must be one heck of a mental weight for him to carry, balanced against the physical mass he’s already dealing with

Nevertheless, I am curious what Klafeta might actually wear to a Trump rally, and whether or not he’d be able to find his chosen outfit in the “morbidly obsess stereotype” size so popular with that ilk. But I also have to ask if you might be thinking like I do, if he has no choice but to buy the basic tent kit, and do all the necessary alterations himself. A question for another time, methinks.

Now, I am aware that I’ve made more than a few none too subtle references to latent Nazism, seemingly based on nothing more Klafeta’s heritage, and intolerantly dense commentary, but as I tend to be a stickler for backing up my sarcasm, let me now explain just why I’ve done so.

And as the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words:

On the surface, this seems like a fairly innocuous picture, right? Just a jovially fat German guy, at some sort of formal-dress event, openly wearing, as his friend noted, a “Knight’s Cross with Oak Leaves”.

So, what, you say? Well, here’s what. For the record, a Knight’s Cross of the Iron Cross, or as it’s known in the German vernacular, a “Ritterkreuz des Eisernen Kreuzesand”, represents the highest awards given in the military and paramilitary forces that served Germany during the second World War… when it was governed by NAZIs. You know, the bad guys from “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, and the go-to comic relief in almost every Mel Brooks comedy ever made?

Some background context: the last official presentation of the Knight’s Cross with its characteristic swastika placed within its center, was decreed to take place no later than 23:01 (11:01PM) Central European Time, on May 8th, 1945, due to Germany’s surrender to the Allied forces, although there was an instance of one being awarded as late as June 17th, 1945.

In 1957, a replacement Knight’s Cross of the Iron Cross, with an oak leaf cluster in lieu of the swastika, was solely designated for World War II KCIC recipients, after being greenlit by the Bundesrepublik Deutschland, and which is, I’m assuming, the variant that Klafeta is wearing, most likely in honorarium of a family member who is now deceased, or fell in service during the war.

And yes, while I am sadly aware that some of Germanic lineage wear the KCIC as a symbol of (non-militarized) nationalistic pride, it’s still a bad look, akin to waving a Confederate flag to show you’re from the Deep South, or displaying a “Trump 2024” flag in your front yard, in a failed attempt to dissuade your neighbors from thinking that your mother and sister are more than likely, the very same person.

To be clear, I am in no way, shape, or form, implying, inferring, or strongly suggesting, that Klafeta harbors any deep or respectful love for the NAZI ideology in general, despite his sporting one of its most recognizable icons, but to be fair, he does seem to display a fondness for utilizing some of its finer propaganda points as well, concerning his absurdist takes on this, our modern age.

I guess what they say is true after all; “You can take the junge out of the Sturmabteilung, but you can’t take the Sturmabteilung out of the junge.”

But I am confident about one thing, and it this- when it comes to the gift of being granted a working intellect, Klafeta was obviously standing in the wrong line during the time when it was being handed out, and nobody bothered to tell him.

And if you think that’s a tad harsh on my part, try this commentary on for size:

Damn. That’s a whole new level of stupid, is it not?

I get not wanting to accept reality. I get not wanting to accept a humiliating defeat. And I totally understand not wanting to accept potential irrelevancy. But as a proud descendent of Germany myself, I also understand that swearing open allegiance to a histrionic and cravenly man-child, with delusions of grandeur and a taste for creating scapegoats out of minorities, rarely works out well for us, as a rule.

Just saying, Lance.

Leaving our Bavarian bouncing ball of alleged bigotry behind, we now find ourselves standing on the metaphorical doorstep of one James Ray Spring, an Oklahoman and undeservedly proud MAGAt, who dispenses hateful rhetoric as if he were a PEZ dispenser sent straight from the bowels of Hell itself.

In a sense, pairing Spring with the machinations of Hell is just a tad bit ironic, because along with his slavish devotion to the mango-tinted bronzed calf that is Donald J Trump, Spring is also a self-declared Christian, as well. I say “self-declared”, because given his social, political, and spiritual point of view, no true person of faith would allow him anywhere near one of their church services, much less the deity he purportedly worships.

Why is this? For that, I must turn to the Good Book itself for the answer. From 1 John 4:20; “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” Spring not only openly hates his allegorical brothers, as well as their relations and offspring, but he’s also perfectly fine cherry-picking the Word to justify his spitefully applied misinterpretations of it, to boot.

In Spring’s world, he’s always the victim of godless heathenism, which wants nothing less than to render the very fabric of America itself asunder, and then, offer up the remnants of what was once a proud republic, to the dark and demonically inspired forces that machinated its demise.

You know. The usual stuff we all deal with, from time to time? Well, count yourself as lucky if it’s a random occurrence in your life, because for Spring, who obsesses over a wide spectrum of unconnected topics ranging from conspiracies to atheism, it’s a protracted battle with certified Reality almost every day:

Right from the start, I have some strong reservations about this post, as I highly doubt that there’s an organized consortium of American teenagers who openly support a treasonously dimwitted septuagenarian such as Trump is, and Spring’s inferred belief in what has come to be called “the Big Lie” in reference to the 2020 election, is just the inane icing on an overly flatulent cupcake.

Before I dive in to the disingenuous cesspool that substitutes for Spring’s undersupplied intellect, I want to share some details with you regarding what it takes to compose my acerbic assessments such as they are. The main key is deep dive research regarding who or what I’m going to be writing about, using the resources of social media, mass media, and even sometimes, direct conversations with those in the know.

And if I’m successful in my quest for verified info, I, and my chosen subject, wind up with an obsessively organized folder that looks somewhat like this:

This is how I do what I do: all of the data I collect, regardless of the final amount gathered, gets separated into its singular commonality, both for easier future retrieval and dissemination to my readership, and so that nothing gets disjointedly mixed up with anything else.  

For when you gain unfettered access to a hypocrisy-spewing cornucopia of sarcastic writer’s gold, such as Spring provides ever so consistently, you definitely need your inherent OCD to stay on point, for as you can see, the reservoir of ridiculousness, can top itself off rather easily:

In case you can’t tell, this screenshot is of the fodder marked “God’, in which Spring’s hypocritical observations are stored and catalogued. At the present time, (9/28/2022) it contains over 330 items, and if you recall, is only one of ten that I’ve assembled to house his asinine assertions.

In fact, Spring has sort of become by default, the male version of past Artbitch scratching post and fellow faux Christian, Ruth Darlene Seawolf, who may just face a serious challenger to retain her title of Queen of the Cafeteria Christians, despite being a featured subject within these pixilated pages, more than once. [Check the Artbitch Archive].

And why is that? Well, while Seawolf’s folder is divided up into the categories of God, (She’s a religious hypocrite) Health, (She’s an anti-maker) Social Issues, (She’s a closet Puritan) and politics, (Quite literally, one of the areas where she’s dumber than New Mexico dirt) it only contains 160 files in total

But Spring’s? Even when judged by my overly exacting standards, it’s still truly impressive:

Ten folders. Over 950 examples of Spring openly ranting about everything from imaginary voter fraud, to his disdain at the very existence of Transpeople. And all of it, foisted upon our society, by a hypocritical false lamb, using the odious masquerade of faith as a sanctimonious shield. Which, even as an avowed Atheist, I find morally reprehensible beyond the pale.

And keep in mind, if you will, that my culling his FB profile for inadvertent comedy, represents less than an hour of my time, spread throughout an average diurnal. Even at its most casual, just dropping in on his mental mendacity that he’s decided to devote himself to that day, makes doing so a breeze.

When it comes to ignorantly hateful bigotry and hypocrisy forming itself into a walking analog for a sentient urinal cake, I couldn’t have found a better example than Spring, unless I were to order a custom one out of a catalogue that caters to the manufacture of cravenly conservatives. But in relation to writing about him, where do I even start, as there’s just so much to work with? Truly, a daunting road lay ahead.

To that end, my sardonic sense of sarcasm is starting to get the idea that maybe, just maybe, I need to split James in twain. Metaphorically that is, and not literally, as the latter is illegal pretty much everywhere, even if you can somewhat defend why it was necessary to do so. No, in order to protect my developing story-arc, if not my sanity, I’d suggest that much like James himself, we focus on them in order of applied ignorance, over that of implied importance.

Therefore, I say that to start us off, we stick with what I initially opened up Spring’s tale with, that being the wonderfully paranoid world where his conspiracy theories are taken as gullible gospel:

I hate to say it, but this actually represents some progress whereas interaction with conservatives is concerned. It once was that everyone that they didn’t like, fell under the auspice of Godwin’s Law, which states that as an online discussion grows longer and more heated, (irrespective of topic or scope), finding oneself compared to either Nazis or Adolf Hitler will be an unavoidable eventuality.

Now, before you start reminding me that I just spent a few lines painting a Bavarian bigot as being associated with more than just a few aspects of Nazism, I’d offer the retort that I wasn’t the one who brought up “education camps”, espoused anti-immigrant views, or was pictured wearing the very symbol of NAZI military might, albeit one that was redesigned, due to its horrendous origin, so please get off my back, if you would.

However, like most fans of the classics, Spring isn’t above reaching into his personal way-back bag of non sequiturs, in a blatantly desperate attempt to deflect attention away from the obvious, especially when he’s confronted with a reality that he can’t defend against, using credible facts:

So, given this type of response to an event that is beyond debate as to what actually occurred, it stands to reason that since Spring’s party is rife with sexual deviants, his long-practiced gambit to slander all who oppose his ignorance, as being nothing less than an organized cabal of dedicated pedophiles, would be engaged fully.

But what’s the reality of this claim, targeting not only the expected politicos, but the numerous progressive corporations such as Disney, that’s eagerly promoted at the drop of a Chinese-made MAGA hat? In all honesty, when it comes to sex scandals, Dems are a randy little bunch to be sure, but so are the Repubs, and aver the last few years, the GQP has seen quite the uptake in sex scandals associated with pedophilia, while Dems on the other hand, seemingly can’t stop cheating on their wives.

In fact, when it comes to having been charged with, or convicted for, sexually-related offenses, ranging from child sex trafficking, to possession of child pornography, the GQP has definitely taken the lead.

Hypocritically, while they scream to the sky about the scourge of pedophilia rampantly occurring among their enemies, both real and imagined, they deliberately overlook the cancerous malevolence presently ensconced relatively safely within their own house.

To note, there have been no less than 11 of Trump’s political associates, going down for the aforementioned crimes above, and it’s a list that includes; Ruben Verastigui, Ronald Williams II, Adam Hageman, Caleb Bailey, George Nader, Ralph Shortey, Tim Nolan, Ben Gibson, Richard Ciccarella, and Anton Lazzaro, to name just a few,

And yet, when faced with these transparent examples of their own duplicitousness, the GQP’s communal base, whom Spring so perfectly represents, find themselves collectively unable to text, tweet, or post a single word about it. Weird, that.

Nevertheless, Spring has a lot to say when it comes to assumed sexual deviancy, such as he’s accused Disney of, and he isn’t afraid to share his opinions, no matter how homophobic, paranoiac, or batshit crazy, they may appear to be:

I have to admit, I did get something wrong here. The estimated box office take (at the time of this screed) for “Lightyear” was estimated to be 226.4M, but unfortunately, its budget was supposedly 200M, so if one has a basic understanding of net cost to profit, the movie while unique, was a flop. But not for the reason (a brief onscreen gay kiss) that Spring was gleefully fixating on, as seen in this additional posting of his:

If I may, let me correct a few major details in Spring’s wholly homophobic misinterpretation of actual reality, or in this case, his wackadoo preoccupation with an animated character. First, Disney did not get “rid of” Tim Allen, because this film’s Buzz Lightyear, is a totally distinctive departure from the “Toy Story” version we’ve known for over two and a half decades.

Irrespectively, taking elation in misfortune, seems to the main hobby of Conservatives these days, if only to push their false narrative that such depressive occurrences are due to the influence of “woke” culture, which as we all know by now, has the same effect on conservatives’ sense of self, as Kryptonite condoms have on Superman’s ability to confidently nail Wonder Woman.

The producer of “Lightyear” Galyn Susman, even clarified this potentially confusing issue for fans of the beloved franchise, stating in an interview, that; “People were having a hard enough time wrapping their heads around this. So really, we needed the toy in the ‘Toy Story’ universe to be its own thing. Tim Allen is Buzz Lightyear the toy. Chris Evans is Buzz Lightyear, the superhero from that movie that inspired the toy.”

Now for those of us whose brains actually still work the way they were designed to do, this explanation is more than sufficient, to elucidate quite literally, what the movie is all about. And due to it being an unexpected and far more serious take on what has become a revered POP culture icon, that’s where the fatal flaw lies, which has NOTHING to do with its inclusion of a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it, gay kiss.

But whereas Spring is overly concerned, the failure for such, must be centered squarely on a chaste kiss between two married gay characters, because um… morals and stuff, I guess?

It’s enough to make you sick. Especially if you’re a f**king hateful faux Christian hypocrite like Spring, who it could be charitably debated, spends far too much of his personal free time thinking about unseen gay Sex between imaginary cartoon characters. You know, the way that most SEVENTY-THREE-YEAR-OLD ALLEGEDLY STRAIGHT, WHITE CHRISTIAN MALES, TEND TO DO?

Nothing to unpack there, kids. One hundred percent normal, no matter how you slice it. And the fact that both characters are gay women of color, played no part whatsoever in Spring’s decision to be offended by a move that he’s obviously never watched.  Oh yes… did I forget to mention that along with being an alleged Cafeteria Christian, Spring also likes to dabble in racism and misogyny as well? Oops. My bad.

It must have slipped my mind, what with all the other terrible flaws of his character that I’m going to be addressing within this two-part screed. My sincerest apologies all around, and I promise that I will circle back to these two topics before our time together is done. Pinky swear.

Unfortunately, Spring is not alone in his delusion that America is being besieged by a queer cabal, as there are many others who also truly believe (for infamous exposure anyway) that “Lightyear” was a planned set-up to not only indoctrinate America’s children into becoming fabulously glittered free-spirits, but was crafted specifically, to “target” America’s newest wannabe fascist, Florida governor and full-time Trump 2.0 cosplayer, Ron DeSantis, no less:

I have to tell you, whenever I find myself wondering what the failure of public education looks like, these two will serve as the poster children for it. Even at my current age, it never ceases to amaze me that people who can barely comprehend how to microwave a hot dog without the help of a picture diagram, can weave tales so outlandishly fantastic, that even the ghost of L. Ron Hubbard, gets jealous from time to time.

In the 50’s, Conservatives had the “Red Scare”. In the 60’s, they had “Hippie Hysteria”. In the 70’s, they openly feared the ”Independent Woman”. In the 80’s, it was all the rage to obsess over “Satanic Panic”. And now, not only do we have to deal with a brand-new mélange of all of those asinine fever-dreams, we have also ourselves infested neck-deep with a bumper crop of retooled bigots, who rather disturbingly, want to “Slay the Gay”, figuratively, if not literally.

And just how ridiculous and far-gone, is this Fear of a Fabulous Planet on their part, you ask?

I think this, answers that, rather succinctly, if not insanely. Jesus Fracking Christ, these mental midgets have a world entire full of real problems to pick, choose, and keeping to their brand, ignore from, and this manufactured mass hysteria, is the best one they’ve got to offer their slavishly stupid base?

On the upside, while this in and of itself is one of the dumbest things that has ever come out of the sewer that is Tucker Carlson’s mouth, it does serve as a perfect lead-in to his newest documentary special, which covers all of the topics that White male Conservatives like Spring, are openly concerned about:

And despite his advanced age, which in theory, should have granted Spring with some form of practical life experience, and despite “knowing” the teachings of his alleged savior Jesus, who at no point whatsoever in the Bible, references either homosexuality or his opinion regarding it, Spring, whose own personal life has never been impacted one iota in any way by the existence of the LGBTQ Community, still felt the need to (pardon my pun) set the record “straight”:

So, Jimmy, if people aren’t “born Gay”, and if Gender dysphoria isn’t a real thing as science has proven, then why have gay people been a part of the World’s edifying DNA since Time began without the insidious inspiration of gay-themed cartoons?  Oh, that’s right- it’s the influence of queer culture itself, on our ever so impressionable youth, that causes this abomination.to continue.

I guess it must have started with gay cave paintings, becoming supplemented by gay shadow puppetry, which then evolved into gay formal portraiture, followed by gay ad design, and then with the advent of modern-Gay animation, created the icon that took root in the minds-eye of the general public’s formative years, and led to a whole generation of vulnerable youth to question their inherent sexuality, at his behest,

Damn you to Hell, you wascaly, yet adorable, wabbit. However, given the fact that this animated sarcastic succubus of Satan has been plying his craft for over 80 years unchecked, it’s amazing that net all of us are really into show tunes, is it not?

If we as a society, aren’t careful, the next thing you know these Gays will be recording albums, making even more animated films, writing books, and starring in hit shows on all the streaming platfor… oh, crap. I think we’re too late to do anything about it.

Ok, my Rainbow Riders, you might have won this round, but rest assured, James Spring, the 73-year-old self-declared 100% straight Oklahoman who talks about gay stuff (A LOT) is on to you now, and he’s got a ton of anti-gay memes he just can’t wait to post.

Like this one, for example:

Now, without even asking, I’m sure ol’ Jimmy Ray here would tell you that “real” marriage is between a man and a woman, the way God intended. You remember God, the sociopathic deity who, in Spring’s meme it’s inferred, “doesn’t make mistakes”, and yet somehow, he overlooked the consequences of giving his creations Free Will, even though being omnipotent, he knew what was going to happen when he did so?

A debate for another time, I guess.

But let’s talk about how marriage is depicted within the Bible, the book from which Spring obviously pulls his justification for his assumed outrage regarding the legal awarding of it to the LGBTQ Community.

Does he gain inspiration from Kings 11:3, which details that, Solomon had “seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart”, because in the end, God was not cool with that at all, and it seems far worse, than two gay people who live each other, binding for life.

Or shall we talk of Abram from Genesis 16:1-6, who made a sex slave of an Egyptian girl named Hagar, who just so happened to be his wife’s slave, and then, after impregnating her, abandoned her to cruel fate?

As written: “Now Sarai Abram’s wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai. And Sarai Abram’s wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.

And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes. And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the Lord judge between me and thee.

But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thine hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.”

Yup… that’s definitely a healthy and “normal’ marriage taking place there. Truly, a testament to the two-gender system that seemingly defines Spring on so many different levels.

Or maybe, just maybe, Spring is a lot more open-minded than I’ve been giving him credit for, and swings to the left with the implications of Mark 12:19, which says;; “Master, Moses wrote unto us, If a man’s brother die, and leave his wife behind him, and leave no children, that his brother should take his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother.”

Once again, that seems far more abominable than two gay people who love each other getting faithfully bound. Unless of course, you’ve always had the hots for your sister-in-law, and she for you, in which case- congratulations, and let me know where to send the toaster oven I’ll be buying you as a wedding gift.

Now, while the previous Biblical decree might seem bonkers, it pales in comparison to the edict of Deuteronomy 25:11-12, which honestly, and with all jokes aside, is one that I truly hope that Spring has never considered following even for a moment.

Verbatim: “When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.”

Yes, you did read that right. If you as a man, are getting your ass kicked, and your wife dares pull a “Crocodile Dundee” on your assailant in order to help you, make sure to cut off her hand after things have cooled down, just to remind her who’s boss.

So to recap Spring’s opinion; Gay marriage is far worse than having 700 wives and 300 concubines, forcing an unwillingly indentured servant to be your personal EZ Bake Baby Oven, and deliberately maiming your wife for having the audacity to try and keep you from suffering grievous physical harm.

If I found myself blessed with both the time and the hand-puppets, I would take a few minutes out of mocking my latest discovered hypoChrist here, and enlighten him on what marriage originally was- a business deal. In the so-called ancient times, women were offered as nothing more than a commodity, in order to strengthen either social position, or one’s economic standing.

The cruel reality was that in an era where women had no rights, and couldn’t hold titles or property either, marriage for the majority of women at least, was decisive in regards to their continuing existence and survival. But yes James… please tell us all how Gays losing half their autonomy from being in a dedicated relationship like the rest of us, will lead to the fall of Civilization, if you would be so kind.

Refreshingly, Spring’s willful ignorance isn’t just focused on gays alone, he’s also git quite the hate-on fir the transgender community as well, and as you’d expect, his knowledge of it is just as broad and solidified as his faithfulness in following the edicts of his sociopathically mercurial sky-daddy:

Let us pause for the briefest of moments here, to savor the unintentional ironic self-ownership of a man who demands that his invented deity be prevalent in all aspects of American life, from our public schools to our private health decisions, casting disparagement upon the practice of respectfully not using the “dead name” of a Transperson, because in his illiterate opinion, it’s akin to codifying a mental delusion based on the imaginary.

Take all the time you need to process this contradiction of logic, if only to let it resonate within you. But being arrogantly hateful, isn’t Spring’s only go-to schtick, as he’s also quite fond of crafting analogies from disparate topics, and then amalgamating them into a false narrative that’s not only intellectually weak AF, but if anything showcases just how far he’s willing to go to justify his own inability to willingly adapt to an ever-changing social dynamic, in general:

Sigh. It’s almost as if Walt Disney just before he died, ordered his cadre of Imagineers to build him a simple village idiot to serve as a background character for his animatronic Hall of Presidents, and in their collective grief, they decided to go one notch higher, and cement his legacy by fashioning the biggest jackass in History, instead:

Correction: the second biggest jackass in History, instead.

Although, I do have to give the Imagineer corps some serious props here, as not only did they get the artificiality of the man dead-bang, right down to the diseased ferret corpse living on top of his vacuous head, they also unerringly nailed the “nobody’s-ever-been-at-home” burnt-out light-bulbs that serve as his eyes, as well.

Kudos, guys. This is Nightmare Fuel, in its finest distillation.

Getting back on track, Spring’s hateful horse as usual, gets turned into glue sticks, long before it even gets out of his allegorical gate. Due largely to the reality that a 1970’s TV actor playing a 1950’s character, has as much relevance in highlighting the issues of today’s society, as “I love Lucy” would have in discussing gay marriage or the BDSM subculture.

Even more pathetically, it’s blatantly obvious that Spring, quite literally, can’t tell the wide-chasm differences between the two wildly dissimilar examples that he himself presented. First, Corporal (later Sergeant) Maxwell Q. Klinger, was a fictional character, who used the ruse of being a cross-dresser, to hopefully acquire a psychiatric discharge, also known as a Section Eight in order to avoid serving out the reminder of the Korean War.

To achieve this goal, this (once again) TOTALLY FICTIONAL character would consistently wear women’s clothing and stage public absurdities, to try and lend credence to his assertion that he was indeed, “crazy”. However, it was made quite clear from the character’s initial introduction that not only was Klinger sane, but heterosexual as well, because despite Spring’s comparison, cross-dressing is in no way, shape or form, an accurate indicator of sexual preferences.

As to the second image that Spring posted with all of the intellectual maturity granted a bigoted toddler, the persons depicted are Assistant Health Secretary Dr. Rachel Levine, and newly hired DOE employee Sam Brinton, who were photographed celebrating Bastille Day, at the French Ambassador’s residence. Personally, I wouldn’t have matched that kind of purse with that dress as Brinton did, as a clutch would have been far more socially appropriate, but other than that, I could care less about their dual wardrobes.

Regardless of self-chosen gender identity, what I care most about in regards to my governmental officials in general, is whether they can do the job required, or not. That’s it. Because honestly, that’s the only thing that matters.

And if they can, then who the hell cares? I don’t. And as far as I’m concerned, if they can also pull off looking damn fly in a cocktail dress as they do so, that’s just extra icing on the cake. Given my past history of wearing more leather and metal than you’d find in a San Francisco hardware store, being anything less than supportive of the personal fashion choices of others, would be hypocritical as f**k, and I am so not about that.

But for a hypocritical and wholly paranoid transphobe such as Spring, whose intellectual Slinky is perpetually tied in a knot, such proud representation, and in public, no less, is the very antithesis of what he considers to be a civilized and enlightened society. Newsflash, Jimmy Ray? Just because you don’t; like it, doesn’t mean that you have the right to cauterize it out of society.

If such were the case, I would, rest assure you, that Nickelback’s last eight albums never would have seen the light of day, and the master print of “Highlander Two”, would have been tossed into an active volcano long ago, along with its screenwriter and production team, just to make sure it, and they, could never hurt anyone again.

Nevertheless, maybe the real issue here, is that I’m misreading the lay of the land as it were, and perhaps, Spring isn’t the hateful, ignorant, hypo-christical morass of mental midgetry that I perceive him to be, and is, in fact, just an unfortunate victim of an as yet undiagnosed and uncontrollable all-gripping sense of Fear.

I’m sure that given my stereotypical doggedness, I could eventually unearth what It is that compels him to say (and out stock in) such preposterous pustulence, and by doing so, guide him down the path to becoming once again, a useful part of Humanity, rather than just another cautionary tale for the post-Trump era.

I’m sure that given my stereotypical doggedness, I could eventually unearth what It is that compels him to say (and out stock in) such preposterous pustulence, and by doing so, guide him down the path to becoming once again, a useful part of Humanity, rather than just another cautionary tale for the post-Trump era historians to come.

In fact, I do believe that my due diligence has paid off, allowing me to discover just why Spring is the way he is. It’s so simple, and yet, it was staring me in the face the whole time that I’ve been highlighting his abominably unintelligent point of view. As it turns out, Spring’s soul, as well as his alleged brain, have found themselves riddled with the mental disease that is:

It all makes sense now. Spring’s slack-jawed countenance and dead-eye stare into the foreboding distance, whenever Reality is proven, or even mentioned. His lack of critical thinking skills. The cultist behavioral patterns he engages in. And let’s not forget his incessant need to blame everyone save himself, for the self-created problems that he forged with his unrelenting attitude of personal dickishness towards others who have never harmed him, albeit directly, or not.

Factor in his willing acceptance of facing hardship, based on his unfounded assumption that it’s perfectly acceptable, so long as the people he despises are suffering just that much more. Normally, I would refer to this assemblage of character deficiencies as being those inherent to a sociopath, but that almost seems like an unjustified slur against innocent sociopaths when I do so, and mythical God knows, I don’t need that kind of heat in my life.

When the disingenuous dust that that these red-hatted Hatetriots so violently stirred up finally settles, it’ll be interesting to see who deflects their personal culpability for what they’ve said and done, and who will proudly own it, as if it were a fascist merit badge.

Granted, while I don’t know Spring at all, past his postings and insipid commentary, my guess is that when his judgement day before society finally arrives, he’ll be festooned with Trumpist flair, as if he were the fire sale at a MAGA retail outlet:

And once again, let us all not lose sight of the fact that these fine people, who adorn themselves with costumes absent of the excuse of either Halloween or a cosplay convention, and do so for the fleeting approval of a deceitful demagogue who wouldn’t condescend to piss on them if they were on fire in front of him, will remind you at the point of a gun backed up by zip-ties, that they are most definitely; NOT in a cult.

No siree Bob. Not brainwashed. Not indoctrinated. Not gullible sheep, walking amongst a like-minded woolly ball of wackiness. Independent thinkers, doing their own thing. One-hundred-percent fully functioning mature adults.

Well. That checks out.

When this wave of purely horrendous hatriotism started cresting a few years back, I was actually one of the few in my circle that remained optimistic about my fellow humans. At first. I honestly placed solid faith in the idea that over time, Trump’s numerous gaffes, corrupt actions, and treasonous deceit, would eventually grind his base of rabid supporters back into actual individuals as they once were known to be, and for some of them, that prediction has rung true.

But for far too many I fear, there is no coming back from their self-imposed brink, and Spring, I am certain, is unquestionably entrenched within that cretinous contingent. Irrespective of what Trump has done, ranging from adultery to outright treason, Spring, the cafeteria Christian will rationalize it away, or as is typical of his ilk, will just ignore it, outright.

And like most conservatives who bleat senselessly about not worshipping or listening to so-called “celebutards”, while actively doing just that, in concern to their dime-store-bronzed Count of Mostly Crisco, they can’t help but display their supplementary hypocrisy when it comes to seeking political counsel, either.

But take heart, as they’re only taking guidance from the sagest among them:

For those of you unfunnier with this Randy Quaid person, he was once a sought-after character actor, whose career sort of faded into the irrelevant ether, after it became wildly apparent that he had sadly indeed, gone full Trumpian potato. To refresh your memory, here he is, in one of his most iconic roles, that being the alcoholic crop duster and former military pilot, Russell T. Casse, from the 1996 Summer blockbuster, “Independence Day”:

Oops. My bad. That’s actually Quaid’s booking photo from 2010, when he was arrested for felony residential burglary and entering a noncommercial building without consent, Essentially Quaid and his wife Evi, were squatting illegally within a residence that they did not own. I am ever so sorry about that. But I did promise you a photo of his iconic and hilarious movie character, so here you are:

Well, damn it to heck, this isn’t the right picture at all, either.

Once again, I unthinkingly posted a booking photo of Quaid from 2015, except this one was taken in Canada, where Quaid and his wife had filed for refugee status, saying that they genuinely feared for their lives if they remained within the United States. And why was that you ask/ Well, it’s a doozy of a story, let me tell you.

The Quaid’s made this asinine assertion based on their unhinged belief that (and I am not making this up) they were being relentlessly pursued by a cabal of celebrity-killing murderers, that they referred to as “Hollywood star whackers”, who were accountable for the so-called “natural” deaths of actors Heath Ledger, who died of an accidental overdose, and David Carradine, who died from a case of autoerotic asphyxiation, which to say the very least, is not how you want to be remembered by your peers

Now, I do have a few questions to ask here, and they are this; first, why in the hell would Quaid be a target of such assassins, when it would be charitably obvious to say that at best, he was nothing more than a glorified second-banana in most of his films, and second; did they really think that an organized hit squad would somehow be deterred from carrying out their deadly assignment, due to the magic that is Canada?

Don’t get me wrong, Canada is fabulous, but I’d hardly declare it a safe-zone from the likes of a star-obsessed splinter branch of the Illuminati. That is, unless you’re willing to deploy the sheer carnage that is the combined forces of Celine Dion and Glass Tiger, whom despite their smash 1986 hit song, ironically titled Don’t Forget Me (When I’m Gone), you’ve probably long forgotten.

To be certain, I’m not insinuating that we shouldn’t protect our most-valued celebrities, I’m just suggesting that perhaps, we let sleeping French-Canadians lie, and by doing so, not have Hell rain down upon us.

The sheer absurdity of Quaid’s misapprehensions aside, can you just imagine the process required to put his name on such a list? In my mind’s eye, I’m seeing a scene lifted straight out of the 2015 James Bond film, “SPECTRE”:

Let me set the mood, if I may: the “Whackers” are all sitting at a long table, casually tossing out names for consideration as potential targets, basing their decisions on reasons ranging from George Clooney’s disastrous turn as Batman, (valid) to the annoyance that is Andy Dick in general, (more so) and without warning, one of them just for fun perhaps, tosses Quaid’s name into the proverbial hat for his involvement with 2002’ “The Adventures of Pluto Nash”.

I could easily buy that.

But just forget all that, as Spring has obviously done, and pay full attention to the crazy man pretending that his take on politics is both appreciated and relevant. To note, just in case Quaid and Spring haven’t received the news yet- Trump is NO LONGER THE PRESIDENT, and Mar-a-Lago is not now, never was, and never has been, the “southern/winter White House”, you absolute f**king loons.

What it currently is, according to law enforcement, draws valid comparison to how Master Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi once described the ethos of fictional Tatooine’s Mos Eisley spaceport:

Never thought I’d ever say this about Obi-Wan Kenobi, but damn… that Jedi could foreshadow like a motherf**ker when the moment was right. However, I’m getting kind of peckish just sitting here in the ol’ Lair of Snarkitude, and I most certainly, could go for a late-night bowl of Count Chocula topped with crushed Nutter Butter Cookies, so I think I’ll put an allegorical pin in this for now.

But i ain’t done dissecting and mocking the inanity of my newest scratching post, just yet. Not by a long shot. As it was once stated by the Joker in “The Dark Knight”:

Now, while I’m not seriously planning on doing “this” forever, or contemplating a physical act of violence, Spring’s consistent public displays of prideful bigotry, misogyny, racism, willful ignorance and sacrilegious hypocrisy, are just something I’m having too much fun writing about.

As its been noted, I don’t believe in God, or even Satan for that matter, but if I did, I’d have to thank one for sending me this gift of guileless density, and praise the other for giving him the ability to do so, with such undeserved confidence.

You’re free to decide who’s responsible for which, but I’ve already got my answer.

And when we come back… I showcase more of Spring’s truly dizzying intellect, poke holes in his paranoiac and erroneous social theorems, and wonder aloud, just what must have happened, to turn a zygote with a bright future ahead of him, into the kind of person that the Future likes to forget existed.

 

“The wicked envy and hate; it is their way of admiring.”- Victor Hugo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


The Greatest Story Ever Sold. (The Passing of the Christ)

“Is man merely a mistake of God’s? Or God merely a mistake of man?”- Friedrich Nietzsche

Hello Bitchiteers!

How are you doing? Got enough sleep? Got enough food? Got Milk? But most importantly, how is your soul doing these days, in an era where it seems that most people who assert that they have one, fall far short of the minimums that they’re supposed to achieve with it.

As some of you may have already guessed, today we’re going to talk about “God”, the Faith centered around his supposed existence, and if I have the time, I may even devote a line or two to his so-called lambs who adhere to his declarations very much in the same way that I shun chilled Ding Dongs.,

However, I will be approaching this topic not as an absolute, and most certainly, not as a supremacy. Instead within this screed, He/She/It, will not be lauded as anything more than an abstract concept, designed by deeply flawed humans, specifically for the task of providing at hand to other equally faulty humans, not only a protector over all, but rationalizations for how the world actually works, as well.

Not to mention, providing a steady source of tax-free income for those Machiavellian enough, to forge it into a cudgel of unquestionable authority within this world, if not allegedly, the next. Never let it be forgotten that the initial idea for controlling the intellectually simple and emotionally desperate, has been turned into not only a thriving cottage industry, but also as a means to acquire legislative power as an added bonus.

Religion: the only Ponzi scheme that has not only governmental protection, but societal approval as well, which to be fair, is one heck of a beginning for a so-called faith, whose origins came from a wife’s desire to keep the secret of her adulterous act from getting back to her husband. Yes, I said that. And no, I will not apologize for it.

Because depending on your inherent ability to accept reality, there’s really only two choices here- either Mary had some side action that went South of Nazareth, or you have to make peace with the fact that an all-powerful deity sexually forced himself upon a truly defenseless woman, in order to produce an off spring, which seems odd, considering that he supposedly created the first two humans Adam and Eve from scratch, and without a recipe, to boot.

Did he forget how, or was it just a case of him telling his office manager; “I ain’t got time for this, so find me a virgin, stat.” All jokes aside, if I were ever caught taking a whipped-cream bath with Milla Jovovich by my GF of 13 years, I seriously doubt that I could pull off the defense strategy that it was not I who was at fault, but “God”, instead.

Granted, that might just be due to the fact that she’s both an Atheist and a Redhead, but I’m sure her sense of palpable skepticism, would translate equally across all the possible hair spectrums.

For those of you fortunate enough to have never been subjected to the inanity that forms the first part of the Bible, that being the prologue known as Genesis, I’ll give you the Cliff Notes from which all of this mystical malarkey sprang: “In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

Oops. My bad. That was actually a quote from the seminal novel “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”, authored by Douglas Adams, and is a comedic sci-fi take chronicling the adventures of the last surviving Earthman, Arthur Dent, after Earth is destroyed by an alien race known as the Vogons, for the purpose of clearing the path as it were, to make way for a hyperspace bypass as part of an intergalactic highway construction project. You know. Like it so often happens in life?

And next to none other than the very Bible itself, it’s possibly my favorite work of science fiction fantasy, hands down. In the version where “God” is not only the star, the plot, and somehow also the actual author, lots of stuff happens. To start, there’s war, murder, outright genocide, rapes, betrayal, abominable sin, debauchery, worship of false idolatry, and in an unexpected plot twist nobody could possibly have seen coming, the crucifixion of “God’s” very own son, but rest assured, it will all work out in the end.

Or to be more exact, at a time that nobody actually knows for certain. It’s like the long-awaited sequel to “The Last Starfighter”, but with less Robert Mitchum, and far more Joel Osteen.

But don’t think t’s all doom and gloom, as there’s Redemption, Resurrection, and a dinner party that goes all shades of hilariously wrong near the end pf the book, and it wraps up neatly as the Son of God, (AKA: “Jesus”) goes from being a humble carpenter as Harrison Ford once was, to inheriting the family business, eventually kicking the crap out of God’s most troublesome ex-employee, a fallen angel named Lucifer, who gets banished to the fictional realm of Hell, a place not only of eternal torment and suffering, but also where he’s been living and working, since Time began.

Call me crazy, but sending Luce back to his room, hardly seems like a fitting punishment for the Harbinger of All Things Evil, but what do I know? I only drop in on God’s plan every now and then, as most of us seem to do these days. In the Bible, Hell is oft-described as possessing lakes of fire, where unrepentant sinners are bound in chains of ice, far removed from God’s sight, which when given his mercurial nature, presents as sort of a half full / half empty equation, no matter how you look at it.  

Nevertheless, this not how I envisions Hell, for in my mind’s eye, I see it as no more than an overly-crowded and poorly air-conditioned ball pit, where you’re forced against your will, to walk around barefoot on top of an ever increasingly shifting mass of errant LEGO blocks, for all of eternity. If you asked me, I’d opt out for the fire treatment instead. After all, I used to live in Phoenix, so if anything, it would almost be comfortingly familiar, sitting in a pond full of lava that’s up to my neck.

But as usual, I’m putting the cross before the guy who’ll eventually be depicted for eternity as being nailed to it, so let me start at the most logical place, that being “The Beginning”. I know that makes sense, but it’s also, somewhat ironically, the literal opening of the Greatest Story Ever Sold. 

From Genesis“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.”

So far, so good, I guess. And whatever you do, don’t dare ask where God came from, because that’s highly problematic to the overall development of the plot.

“And God said, “Let there be an expanse in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters.” And God made the expanse and separated the waters that were under the expanse from the waters that were above the expanse. And it was so. And God called the expanse Heaven. And there was evening and there was morning, the second day..”

So, at this point, God has established the future location of his base of operations, a place of beauty and eternal joy, that every Christian hypocrite swears up and down that they’ll be ascending to when they die, but not you.

“And God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.” And it was so. God called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And God saw that it was good.

And God said, “Let the earth sprout vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, on the earth.” And it was so. The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the third day.”

Cool- God has now laid out the landscaping, and thanks to his fruit-based forward thinking, everybody gets to enjoy a fresh glass of OJ with their Jimmy Dean sausage. Oops-he hasn’t gotten that far yet.

“And God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night. And let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the earth.” And it was so. And God made the two great lights- the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night, and the stars. And God set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth, to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the fourth day.”

In simpler terms, it’s dark, it’s late, go to bed already.

“And God said, “Let the waters swarm with swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the heavens.” So God created the great sea creatures and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. And God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.” And there was evening and there was morning, the fifth day.”

And with that, you now know who is responsible for both Pigeons and the mess that they consistently leave on your just-washed car.

“And God said, “Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their kinds- livestock and creeping things and beasts of the earth according to their kinds.” And it was so. And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the livestock according to their kinds, and everything that creeps on the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.”

Finally- the raw ingredients for the aforementioned Jimmy Dean Breakfast Sausages have arrived! Thank Him.

“Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So, God created man in his own image, In the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

(And right here, boys and girls, is where the Ineffable Plan starts slowly going South. Literally.)

“And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

In other words, everything with a face, save for your fellow humans, is up for grabs as either some form of cheap fast food, or as an overpriced healthy snack, available only from the fine folks at Sprouts.

“And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. And to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the heavens and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so. And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning, the sixth day.”

Now according to this totally believable tale, the very next day, God being pooped, took the day off, but not before he declared said day holy unto himself, because as will be revealed, down deep, he’s kind of a petty bitch, if not a full-blown sociopath. But to his credit, he didn’t rest on his newly created laurels too long, because in his self-created position as the one and true God, he had to get going with his master plan, which despite his predilection for working in mysterious ways, (his words, not mine) was in the end, deceptively simple, and went something like this:

Setting up a virtual paradise on Earth, that he calls The Garden of Eden, he stocks it with all of the aforesaid delights and delicacies that he crafted days before, and in a sheer moment of omnipotent genius, takes Adam and Eve, his two previously immaculate human creations, and deliberately installs the flaw of Free Will into them, despite having no real need in the first place, to do so.

He then instructs them both not to use it under threat of dire consequence, later going on to purposefully go about setting up an irresistible temptation, as he concurrently allows the corruption of the pair, by yet another one of his formations (albeit an evil one) who somehow, manages to enter and exit, the Garden unmolested. After committing the sin that he eventually would go on to classify as being “Original”, despite knowing that it was going to happen anyway, due to his inherent and manipulative omnipotence, he loses his collective cool about it, and banishes Adam and Eve from the Garden forever

Notwithstanding the obvious fact that the situation at his hand was ENTIRELY HIS FAULT, he sends the duo out into the harshness of the world beyond completely unprotected, taking it upon himself quite some time later, to transcribe a book via other flawed humans, in which he demands that they, and all of their resultant offspring, endeavor to spend their lives worshiping him on bended knee, otherwise he’ll toss them all into a bottomless pit of eternal fire, torment, those chains of ice again, after being deemed unworthy of his “love”.

That’s right- he loves us, remember? That’s why he’s doing all of this.

And in order to demonstrate this, he decides to send us his only son, born of a virgin he arrogantly forced himself upon, to teach us about the mercy of God’s alleged love, a theorem proven when the so-called loving God and Father to us all, allows said son to be mercilessly crucified, so that he can rise from the dead three days later, and then immediately ascend to Heaven, rather than remain on earth, where it could be arguably debated, that he’d be far more effective at spreading the Gospel of his part-time Deity Dad, than he would be appearing in either clouds or patterns on burnt toast..

I do have one small question that’s been nagging at me for quite some time though, and it is this- according to Genesis 2:7, Adam was created when; “the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul”.

Now if this is accurate on any level, and I strongly doubt that it is, then what was the point of impregnating Mary, waiting 33 years for Jesus to mature into manhood and then subjecting him to a torturous death, when all that was ostensibly required to create a savior and heir apparent, was for God to exhale on a handful of random dust bunnies?  Once again, “mysterious ways”, and all that happy jazz, I guess.

Unabashedly, I will admit that when I look upon this travesty of tripe disguised as allegorical salvation, and that, with the most cynical of eyes, even I’m impressed that in an age where we’ve conquered the initial challenges of spaceflight, harnessed the power of the atom, and live in a world that gave us both the musical genius that is Jeff Lynne as well as Vanilla Ice, the one that isn’t, I still have to give serious props to whomever it was that actually succeeded in selling this inane idea as a plausible reality.

Say what you must, and I most certainly will, but managing to turn a Middle Eastern Jew borne from what should have been the end of an obviously already troubled marriage, into the Blond, White WASPish Savior of All, based on nothing more than fairy-tales passed down orally from illiterates to educated scribes operating under various agendas, is quite the impressive act of branding, so says me.

Nevertheless, and despite my acidic assertions, I honestly have no actual problems with the conceptual application of spiritual faith- I myself have witnessed, as I’m sure many of you have, just how a strong sense of such, can get people safely through even the most difficult and trying of times, and not even I, in my darkest moment of black-hearted glee, would dare rob someone in need of that particular salve.

No, the thing that trips my ever-so-vexed trigger, is when the institution of organized Religion rears its hypocritical and maggoty head, starts spewing its discordant dogma to the degradation of all within its line of sight, including itself, and then, feigns the provocation of erroneous victimhood when held to task for doing so. It’s a winning strategy of secularism; slur, degrade, vilify, and when caught, claim persecution.

After all, doesn’t it strike as strange, that despite there being over 5000 Gods on this planet that have been worshipped by Man at one point or another, these ever-so-lucky-Children-of-Galilee managed somehow, to pick the singular Deity above all, whose celestial biases perfectly matched their own personal ones. Seriously- how fortuitous is that? If I had those kinds of odds at my disposal when I met Debbie Harry back in the Fall of 1999, I’d be still be gainfully employed as her personal masseuse.

On a more individual note, regardless of the amenities that mythological Heaven may offer us, spending eternity with the very same people whose condescending sense of faux Christianity I used to battle almost every day, is really not the selling point that they may think it is. Hell, itself may not offer me the throne I’m sure that I’ve earned, but at least the tunes will be good, and the strippers will be hot.

Mainly because most likely, they’ll be on literal fire, to say the very least. What can I say? When in Rome, do as the Romans do, and when finding yourself imprisoned within Hell for eternity, make your peace with the flaming lap-dance, and get on with the work of trying to live your best after-life.

Because as only the allegorical Lord knows, down here on Earth, most of these modern-day faux Christians aren’t presently doing so at the moment. As a rule, I do try to avoid making blanket statements whenever I can, as it tends to be taken as nothing more than ill-informed griping, but I do think that it is fair to say that Religion, next to Violence itself, is one of the most abominable creations ever inflicted upon Mankind entire.

Don’t get me wrong, the other bullspit that us semi-evolved monkeys have propagated sucks donkey tally-wacker too, but only the aspect of religion, gives culturally acceptable hall passes to its pustular progeny without fail.

How liberating it must be, to dredge up the malevolent spirits of Racism, Misogyny, Homophobia, Islamophobia, and willingly spiteful ignorance, then switch gears, so that you can then arrogantly claim that you’ve been “saved” and washed clean of your spiritual transgressions by the creator whose edicts you so purposefully misinterpret. And if you don’t believe me in regards to this concept, just remember the cornerstones of the ministry of Jesus, and seriously ask yourself if he would be cool with his most devoted of disciples espousing this, in his name:

I never thought I’d ever have to say this, but I may just have to call up the Taliban, and sincerely apologize for inferring that they were far too extreme in enforcing their warped sense of morality upon a formerly free society. Not only would Jesus be horrified by this perversion of his teachings, he’d probably also run the credible risk of finding himself crucified again by his own adherents, if he dared speak out against it.

And just who are the persons behind this pathetically unconstitutional power move against the LGBTQ Community? Well, none other than the Texas GQP, whose only purpose in life at this point I feel, is to help Florida feel better about itself on a daily, if not an hourly basis. That is, when it’s not plotting to put women and minorities back in the kitchens and fields, where their odious interpretation of God demands that they be.

Texas… where everything is bigger, including the repercussions of inbreeding, secular psychosis, and teaching children, that Jesus rode a Tyrannosaurus Rex to work. But getting back on point, let’s take a look at just what these wannabe Fred Phelps want to legislate, before we find out that in reality, they were actually so far back in the metaphorical closet, that they were using next year’s Christmas gifts as a substitute chaise lounge.

Now, while I fully support the clause holding birth fathers financially accountable, the passage afterwards, essentially legitimizing discrimination on the basis of one’s “beliefs” regarding sexuality or gender identity, morally reprehensible, at best. I for one, don’t believe in an all-supreme being, so does that mean I can now punch random strangers for telling me to “Have a blessed day”? because trust me, there’s been many a time I would have taken advantage of that, depending on the source.

As I noted, this legalized blanket pf bigotry is not only asinine in its unenforceable scope, it’s also blatantly unconstitutional as well, not that Texas gives a rat’s ass about following the established laws of America when it feels that it can somehow substitute its own in their stead. SPOILER: THEY CAN’T, and they already know that, but it does play well to the ever so f**kingly stupid base that comprises both their political clout, as well as their citizenry.

Even more ridiculously stupid, other than their collective belief that not only can they override Federal authority regarding private procedures taking place within Federal prisons if not the branches of the military itself, is their inane delusion that they can, and without questions raised, dictate the course of individual medical and psychiatric care to, and I quote; “persons of any age” as well, which of course, they also cannot do, in any way, shape or form.

Call me crazy, but for people who flaunt the Bible and the Constitution as much as they do, none of these Cafeteria Christians has ever seemingly read either one past the opening preamble, and believe me, it shows. Freedom, Semi-available in most states, but not currently stocked within the borders of what serves as the analog for America’s taint.

Riding along with these soon-to-be-overturned lawsuits waiting to happen, is the theocratical postulating that the legalization pf Marijuana not be instituted, despite a Dallas Morning News-University of Texas at Tyler poll, which showed that roughly 60% of registered voters supported the eventual legalization of marijuana for one’s personal use, while 83%, supported its application for medical purposes.

Even more against the grain of both common sense and majority favoritism, is the bizzarro idea that services to assist those suffering from the scourges of chemical addiction, should be based on an approach of ‘faith-based rehabilitation’, which, in regards to the established methodology not dependent on some form of spiritual bugaboo, has proven itself to be, far less effective overall.

Personally, I would love to see the reaction on the faces of the demagogies behind this legislation if, after being diagnosed with Cancer, or some other form of terminal malevolence, if they were told that due to their fellow elected representatives belief in a mystical Sky-daddy, their doctors were going to eschew chemotherapy and other proven drug therapies, in favor of Faith administered by a practitioner of Voodoo instead.

I’d place the odds at 100 to 1, that they’d as a collective, would uniformly declare that they had recently converted to Satanism, and demand immediate medical transport to the first blue state that had an open bed, whether it be in a hospital, or a kennel. When the chips are down, these so-called persons of faith tend to reveal who they really are, and quite literally, will start eating each other to survive.

In the end, their alleged adherence to the parables, is as thin as their loyalty to their fellow humans- virtually nonexistent. And when it comes to the mocking of their celestial crutch, rest assured, they don’t handle that well, either. Take for instance, this rather terse exchange between I and one of God’s favored lambs, whose name is Timothy Addair. and see just how fast his sense of calm evaporates when I question his belief in a fairy-tale cover story run amuck:

I’ve said it before, and I know I will be forced to say it again, but just why exactly, does the most-powerful being in all of Creation, require the unceasing PR services of his most flawed ones?

I mean… he’s already got the best-selling science-fiction novel of all time, a slew of successful movies based upon it, and pretty much every celebrity from sports figures to POP culture icons, makes it a point to thank him every single time they receive even the merest of public recognition for a minor achievement, so why does he need their help in regards to anything he’s supposedly in control of?

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say God has some seriously unresolved co-dependency issues, but to be fair, so do the majority of his followers, and maybe that’s why they’re always so on point to circle the wagons around their Sky-daddy, in order to gain the opportunity to be blessed under the auspice of his mercurial favor. And as you’d expect, the hypocrisy inherent within these Licentious Lambs of Fraud, is one of their most definitive characteristics that they display when cornered:

A few points here I’d like to address, if I may. This particular commentary came after Sandra Lubbe here, was boasting about how her religious views carried far greater weight than the injustice of stripping away the body autonomy of American women, a demographic which, I’d like to point out, she’s still a member of, even if it is only to be openly complicit in the targeted and certain to continue marginalizing of it.

Even better, is her serious query of “where in the Bible” was it, that I read that God was a myth, which may just be, one of the stupidest statements that I have ever heard in my life, without question. Where did I read it, Sandra? Honestly, nowhere specific.

However, when it comes to a book where not only Angels and Demons exist, but also where a man sires three sons when he’s no less than 500-years-old, I’m going to have some trepidation swallowing such a story, without doing some in-depth research first. In addition, said half-millennial successfully manages to get all the animals of the world on board an Ark that he built on God’s orders for that definitive purpose, just before the alleged Creator of all, kills everyone and everything on the planet, to make the world less violent.

Following the narrative so far? Good. Because it gets even weirder.

Despite that supposedly pressing concern, God seemingly as well, finds no issue with letting his chosen people (AKA: the Jews) being ruthlessly enslaved for 400 years. What a loving Father Figure. Speaking of which, a central figure within this expanded fever-dream, a father named Lot, willingly offers his virgin daughters to Sodomites so that they can rape them, gets to see his wife turned into a pillar of off-brand Morton’s Salt by God himself, and later impregnates both his daughters after being seduced by them.

And did I forget to mention Exodus 9:14?  This act of celestial grace, is definitely one that gives the undefendable actions of Lot, a fair run for their money: “I will send the full force of my plagues against you and against your officials and your people, so you may know that there is no one like me in all the earth”.

So, in order for the people to get to know God as the one true path to eternal salvation, he makes the command decision that rather than eradicate the sufferings of mankind, inflicted upon us by the flaw of the Free Will he installed within us all, he’ll just send a series of ever-worsening plagues instead, because apparently, that’s how openly loving relationships work.

By way of direct example, let’s take a gander at this sterling example of dual dysfunction, courtesy of my favorite local cafeteria Christian, who just so happens to be, not only a past Artbitch story subject, but more than likely, the future resident of a locked room wallpapered in bubble-wrap as well.

Ladies and Gentleman, please raise your perfectly chilled Ding-Dongs in appreciation for the one and thankfully only, Ruth Darlene Seawolf:

Not to be flippant in regards to the very real issue of spousal abuse, but if I knew anyone who was willingly involved with a person who as a rule, promoted this paradigm as a condition of their ongoing interpersonal association, I’d strongly advise them to not only cut off all contact with them, but to get a strongly enforced restraining order as well, just in case the science books I’ve loaned them, fail to take as a form of supreme (no pun intended) protection.

With all due seriousness, I’ve owned female cats that were less needy than this alleged deity, and at the very least, provided far more quantifiable comfort, unlike this infuriatingly insolent celestial deadbeat dad ever has.

Getting back to the point, Lubbe’s notating that people do not “need” sex to exist, just goes to prove my earlier theorem regarding her battery-powered sexual aptitudes, if not her overall intelligence. I’m not sure if her familiarity with the 9-volt lifestyle has jaded her past the point of rationality, but the last time I checked, without sex, earth would be less populated than it currently is now.

But I’d hazard a guess that when your entire sexual experience comes from fellating a book, I really shouldn’t be too surprised at the lack of biological knowledge you might possess. Moving on, her claiming unencumbered access to forgiveness, regardless of how she acts and what she says, because she believes in the charity of the very same deity that drowned a world entire, because he didn’t like the end result of his prevised cock-up.

And assigning the blame to me, for her succumbing to openly displaying her hypocrisy? That, boys and girls, is a classic Cafeteria Christian move, if ever there was one. I can’t say beyond a shadow of doubt, that the so-called faithful are disingenuous as f**k, but they certainly do seem to practice the art of being so, far better than anyone else I’ve ever met. It’s a brutally hilarious dichotomy that they’ll profess to be secular stewards of the love of Jesus, but are in actuality, duplicitous carries of the spiritual rabies his deadbeat dad crafted.

As you’d reasonably surmise, this virulence in and of itself, manifests within a wide range of delivery forms, but the most popular among the lying lamb league, seems to be the exclusion and degradation of all that they wouldn’t condescend to attempt to understand, even if their faux deity told them to.

In the past, it was mainly Atheists that they tended to despise, but with the advent of social media as well as ta host of sociopolitical movements currently in play, it’s fair to say that their access to a whole new slew of supposed villains has been extended somewhat. And who better to cast as the lead in the repertoire of nefariousness, than those whom you’ve always considered to be immoral?

As if on cue, enter one of the many unelected spokespersons for the American Taliban, a moron named Eric Moutsos, who… [checks notes} Oops. My bad. Turns out Eric, who most assuredly, is a moron of unquestionable certitude, is also in addition, a practicing “Mormon” as well, but I fear that I’m just repeating myself, and mythical Lord knows, I truly hate doing that.

So instead, let’s enjoy some of Eric’s keen observations from deep within the echo chamber of a malevolent ministry that in essence, installs a lifelong case of Stockholm Syndrome into its advents, regarding a culture they and eric obviously know nothing about, despite their seeming obsession with it,

Eric? The metaphorical floor is yours:

Now, at no point in my life would I ever condescend to think that I could advise a deity, especially one that according to the Mormon faith, is seemingly okay with the doctrines of eternal marriage, the practice of baptism for the dead, and the one that reality TV loves so much, the act of polygamy or plural marriage, but if I chose to do so, I’d just have to bluntly ask exactly why, in his position as “God”, people like this Neanderthal neophyte, were the only ones he could seemingly attract to serve as both customer service reps, if not public relations.

C’mon dude. Your dad created man from a handful of dust, but you can’t staff a competent HR department to weed out these dimwitted demagogues before they manage to slither their way onto your payroll? On the one hand, I do get it- the dumber they are, the easier it is to both control and convince them that this fairy-tale cover story run amuck has some credence.

But on the other…aren’t you two celestial icons tired of having to consistently distance yourself from the very same people who claim to love everything you guys supposedly stand for, while unswervingly doing the exact opposite of it all?

Case in point, Eric’s flawed insistence that the LGBTQ Community is linked to either the support of pedophiles, or the very act itself, when the reality is that the ratio of straight pedophiles versus those that are gay, averages out to a ratio of 11-1, and the stereotypical sexually-motivated reprobate, is ironically, not too dissimilar from Eric himself, regardless of cultural, financial, or spiritual status.

This is not to say that Eric in any way, shape, or form, possesses some form of abhorrent sexual deviancy himself, but I would also note that from my perspective as an outside the box observer, that for a self-alleged straight Child of Christ, he’s put what seems to be a Herculean effort into his attempt to validate his miasma of homophobic hysteria, into the concrete of certainty.

As the old saying goes, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire”, and when I witness anyone spending this much time crafting a gay-themed conspiracy-theory in order to reassure one’s own sense of “correct” sexual identity, the need to reinterpret that maxim into the much more relevant take of: “Where there’s rampant Homophobia, there’s a closet queen waiting to discover their unacknowledged Truth”, is literally a conclusion that anyone would logically follow, given the circumstances.

I’m not entirely sure who originally coined the axiom; “Be wary of He who shouts the loudest”, but mark my words, and mark them well, for one day, and this sooner than later, Eric is going to trip over his own willful ignorance, and rather than fall, he’ll find himself gently floating down to the floor, as if he were the first leaf of Autumn, and only then, will both he and society, be better for it.

Or he may miss the floor entirely, as he obviously does in regards to the point of the Pro-Gay movement that clearly terrifies him so much. A heads up, my closet case: gays are not, and I repeat, NOT “coming for your children”, because that designation is solely borne by your party entire. You know, the political entity that’s currently banning books, attempting to turn America into a dictatorial Theocracy, and doing all that it can to ensure that guns remain in schools, while taking actual history and free lunches out of them?

In addition, there is also no “Gay Agenda” either, save for the one where someone’s sexual orientation isn’t regarded as justifiable grounds for harassment, threats, slurs, and societal degradation, by self-righteous and wholly hypocritically hateful Beta-cucks such as yourself. The closest I’ve ever witnessed to this demographic ever having an organized outline in regards to anything, are only whereas brunches, weddings, and house parties are concerned.

But I’m afraid I haven’t given you the full context of who Eric really is, or to be more accurate, was, before bashing the Gay community became an obsession of his. He was in fact, a Salt Lake City Police officer, a job that he was fired from, after asking to be reassigned in relation to working a gay ride event, on the basis of such being offensive to his sense of so-called Faith.

According to Moutsos, doing so got him suspended for “discrimination.”, which he later attempted to explain away in an interview to the Los Angeles Times by saying that; “I love gay people. I love them like I love humanity. I just did not agree with some of the messages in that parade.”

In Eric’s “I’m the real victim here” narrative, he explained that In June of 2014, he was assigned along with several other motorcycle officers, to ride in Utah’s Pride Parade in Salt Lake City. They were to perform what he described as “celebratory circles”, or as us sane viewers of parades call them, “cool motorcycle tricks”. He told his superiors that his religious views made him uncomfortable doing something that suggested he supported the cause, which he does not.

In a public statement acquired by the LAT, Moutsos claimed that his superiors refused his request to work a different part of the event, noting that; “It is unquestionably my duty as a police officer to protect everyone’s right to hold a parade or other event, but is it also my duty to celebrate everyone’s parade?”, an assertion which congenitally overlooks the him doing his job, even if is an obvious PR gambit, does not indicate one’s personal support.

He attempted to defend this homophobia by weaponizing the completely unrelated analogy of race relations by stating to the LAT; “I asked my supervisor, ‘What if an African American officer didn’t want to ride in front of a KKK parade?’ And he said he’d have to do it. That’s when I knew in my heart it was wrong.”

Hmmm… “it was wrong”, says the guy who claims to “love gay people”, and yet, despite a track record of working as security in full uniform to secure the safety of gay and lesbian couples seeking marriage licenses, as well as a highly documented episode of defending a gay couple who were confronted while kissing at the Mormon Temple in SLC, he still felt the need to publicly draw his line in the sand, in regards to a parade where not a soul would care who, or what, he was.

But like most alleged bigots who find themselves unwillingly being skewered in the public eye, Moutsos parlayed his hateful ignorance into a brand new career, serving as the manager of development for the Sutherland Institute, a conservative think tank based in Utah, before creating the company Freedom Blends, a supplement company based on, and I am not making this up, “the principles of Freedom and Liberty.”

Some of their products include, First Amendment Multivitamins, Pro-Life Protein, Commie Cleanse, Sleep Off Socialism, and their flagship #1 product, Freedom Fuel.

And because the guy who has no problems with the LGBTQ Community despite all the evidence to the contrary, is such a people person, he also loves to hold speaking events where, given the YouTube Videos of his that I’ve watched, he blathers ignorantly about topics ranging from the Constitution (which he obviously doesn’t understand) to God’s plans, (which he obviously cherry-picks) for justification of his inanity, as evidenced by this direct quote:

“I love to watch people light up by feeling the spirit of Liberty (2 Cor 3:17). God wants us to be free. He created us to be free. He established America for just that. And if we don’t continue to gather and promote these universal principles, we will lose it all over again. My hope and goal is to not let that happen.”

I’d point out to Captain Not-America here that God plainly mandated that we serv him eternally or face dire consequences for not doing so, which to the educated among us, is literally the antithesis of: “Freedom”, but since it seems that Eric is pretty hopped up on own Commie Cleanse, that conversation will have to wait for now, I guess. Therefore, may I suggest Eric, that you take your faux outrage, and stuff it where eventually one day, your expected for quite some time now boyfriend, will hopefully find it?

Thanks. You’re a peach, if not a seemingly hateful bigoted bitch.

But as you might expect, while I would most certainly write about my interaction with this Christsucker here, I also felt the need to comment on his original post, as is my nature. Keep in mind, that the only thing required for ignorance to take root and spread, is the inaction of those watching it do so unchecked, and I am so not about doing that:

See? I can keep it short when I need to. Although to be fair, I’m of the mindset that if I had used too many words to get my argument across, Eric wouldn’t have understood it to begin with. Case in point one last time, if only to prove that Eric’s self-declared love for Gay people, is just as solid as his grasp on the teachings of Jesus:

Man… you can just feel the love of Cheezus coming through his most loyal of servants, can you not? I won’t speak for you, but I just love it when a hypocrite’s mask falls away from their lying lizard skin-suit, if only for a moment, and reveals who they really are underneath. While Eric’s so-called savior sat with the Lepers, Moutsos uses their modern-day equivalents, as nothing more than a spiteful punchline, veiled in crudity.

However, two can play the snark game as it currently stands, but unlike my Deity to the Dimwitted here, I’ve had far more practice at eating souls, versus selling the gullible ones pointless (if profitable) jars of supplements, so here goes:

In my limited defense, I would like to note that not only am I calling attention to his inherently ignorant bias, I’m also wishing him well during his can’t-come-soon-enough unwilling tenure in Hell. And in an even far more gracious gambit, I go one step further, and warmly recommend some crucial supplies for the trip.

But I am truly curious about one thing though, and that is this: how is it possible to metaphorically masturbate with the very guide book that tells you in no uncertain terms, just how to be a good person, and yet somehow, still miss the entire f**king point of said advice, not just by miles, but by multiple galaxies?

Referencing which, most persons who claim some form of dedicated religiosity, also profess to believe in established reality, despite the obvious contradictions that such loyalty to the theological, would inherently bring to the surface. I truly am sorry, but you can’t believe in the splitting of the atom and the potential of nanotechnology, while still adhering to the dictums of a Bronze-Age collection of fairy-tales, as your factual orientation checklist.

Don’t get me wrong, I myself, would love to be able to blame all of my transgressions on the machinations of a Hellspawn, but unfortunately, Logic and Reason snared me into a mutual three-way several decades ago, and to be honest, it’s been working out great so far being the one who’s solely responsible for my own f**k-ups.

Being a sensible person yourself, you might logically surmise that persons who place their faith in the myth that is the story of Jesus, would be theoretically in line with other forms of magical thinking, but you’d be wrong, for as they like to consistently (if not ironically) point out, they as a whole, don’t give any form pf serious credence to that level of spiritual malarkey:

So to recap, Christians don’t consult Psychics, Ouija Boards, or Mediums, but talking snakes, burning bushes, Angels, and self-declared Prophets allegedly working for an omnipotent and wholly imaginary sky-daddy, are perfectly A-OK to take guidance from in their stead? Got it. But even better than this prime example of unwitting self-ownership, is this following one, that attempts to marry the Modern with the Chalcolithic, and not too surprisingly, falls way short of the intended goalposts:

Label me a cynic, but openly informing us all, that you have confidence that a book of contradictory morality that was transcribed from illiterate goat-herders over the span of several centuries, is an incalculable assist in today’s age of modernity, is akin to my looking at a can of twenty-eight-year-old tuna, and thinking I can pass it off as the freshest of horderves, without the majority of my guests possibly suffering a fatal case of food poisoning.

But to be fair in regards to these Disciples of Dipshi**ery, they actually are very big on encouraging others to read, which normally would be considered an asset for a society intent on bettering its intellectual understanding of the practical at large, but unfortunately as far as said culture is concerned, they’ve only skimmed the source material that they keep pushing upon us, and it shows:

Look… I’ve placed stock in a lot of intangible things over my lifetime, and while some such as the Star Wars prequels have failed my expectations, others, such as the Mad Max cinematic quatrain, have not. But at no point, and regardless of the situation at hand, has the thought ever occurred to me, that I required any form of manifested celestial guidance to overcome the difficulties of a modern-day society.

As a rule, it’s perfectly fine to take some things at face value, but when those things involve proclamations from sentient ether, the intrigues of demons, and the propagation of alleged miracles, not only does logic need to take back the steering wheel from Jesus, it needs to do so, before the metaphorical car finds itself driving off either the proverbial cliff, or into an innocent family of four.

With no due respect, I’m fairly confident that if challenged, I could easily prove my assertion that most modern-day Christians are as familiar with the contextual content of the Bible, as Donald Trump is with unblemished ethics and the practice of marital fidelity.

I make this reference to the World’s Angriest Creamsicle, not out of a need to make an easy joke, but for the fact that just in case you missed it somehow, the Christian Alt-Wrong as of late, have fully tossed aside their originally cast Savior and his teachings, in favor of a modern-day Golden Calf, and his moronic miasma of mental obesity.

This in turn, has led to nothing less than the formation of a virulent cult that willingly, has sworn its unquestioning allegiance to laud Hate over Hope, Conservatism over Common Sense, and to endorse the unhinged demands of a mango-tinted man-child over the needs of Mankind.

And in this regard, they’re certainly not shy about letting their duplicitous stance be known, despite its level of outright if not duplicitous blasphemy, and all I need do to certify this POV of mine, is to just let their own words and actions, speak for themselves:

You do see the inherent problem here, do you not?  Other than the direct threat to the faceless cabal who are allegedly, are “attacking” Derek’s preferred president, there’s also the ludicrous inference that Trump, a known serial adulterer. liar, con-man, coward, and narcissistic sexual deviant, is somehow now, an “anointed prophet” whose life is based in serving the mercurial whims of the mythical Lord above, rather than himself.

That checks out, right? Because when I think “Warrior for Christ”, the first person that comes to mind is this mango-tinted, if not far more obese, version of Judas Iscariot. Let me put it this way- if Trump had been a guest at the Last Supper, not only would he have sold Jesus out to the highest bidder, he would have made sure to steal the silverware as well, right after he stiffed Jesus for the check, on his way out the door.

Not to mention, Derek’s casually arrogant transgression in regards to Deuteronomy 18:22, is also something we should pay attention to, because I can assure you, that if God did indeed exist, he sure as hell would: “When a prophet speaketh in the name of the Lord, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the Lord hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him.”

Essentially, what it transcribes as in common English, is this: “Hi Derek. God here, and I really need you to both stop putting words in my mouth, and to shut the f**k up as well, for if I were to pick a champion, I sure as hell wouldn’t pick a guy who uses the Ten Commandments as a wrapper for his hush payments to pornstars.”

If there is one aspect that I find to be truly vile about the ever-mutating face of modern Christianity, it’s the rebranding of its worst transgressional hypocrites being lauded as the purest of its spiritual seers, and the shoehorning of Trump into the chair once reserved for Jesus alone, is quite possibly the greatest con-job that the Religious Alt-Right has ever succeeded at carrying across the finish line.

Next to the fantastically absurd concept of an all-knowing deity sitting in judgement above us, that is. I do have to admit however begrudgingly, that placing Trump as the political embodiment of the right hand of God while wholly insane, does still make sense when viewed from inside the bubble of his movement’s bloviating bogusness.

He’s everything they themselves wish to be: vulgar, cretinous, selfish, hypocritically lecherous, and seemingly free of consequences related to his abominable actions. In other words, today’s modern interpretation of spiritual sanctity. I would also say “rich”, but since his lifestyle is blatantly financed by his brain-dead disciples, I’ll leave that off the table for now. So, just how do these so-called moral persons rationalize this obvious contradiction to their Faith versus their political ideology?

Well, they simply do what all lucid deep thinkers do when faced with an unwinnable paradoxical situation, they ignore it completely, and assume that all will work out for the best in the end, because when it gets right down to the brass tacks, the overall long-term memory of his cult is pretty much akin to a goldfish that played professional football… without a helmet:

I’ve said it before, and mythical God knows I will find myself saying it again, but if Herr Twitler here was seriously the best draft pick that He could find to run the American division of his six-day creative splurge, He either needs to find a better temp agency to lease employees from, or just start going directly to Satan himself, in order to cut out the inefficient middle men.

I for one, have always enjoyed the faux representation of determined machismo that the Vanilla Vanguard awards to the man who can’t take on his critics face to face, but place an I-Phone in the center of his tiny little hands, and you’d swear you were dealing with the ghost of Leonidas himself.

And when they’re not overlooking his blatant lacking courage, they’re depicting him as the very essence of an Übermensch made flesh, which to be fair, he does have a lot of, even if it is overall, reminiscent of one attached to a diseased Oompa Loompa. Now, when these hordes of desperately photo shopping fan-boys get such unfounded propaganda “right”, the image produced can be nothing short of … well, epic, actually:

Look at this. Just LOOK at it. It exudes Confidence. Bravery. Resoluteness. And even better, the armor almost hides that giant-ass land mass that he wittily refers to as his stomach. Granted, the head swap comes off as a special effect produced by the same digital effects team that were responsible for the James Bond paragliding scene in “Die Another Day”, but hey, in order to whitewash a fascist, sometimes ya’ gotta break a few laws of artistic perspective, I guess.

But as it is with all matters of propagandist outreach, it can also go so horribly wrong as well, and nothing ties in this observation of mine, quite like this depiction what happens when faux Faith and political abomination get it on behind a Cracker Barrel, and then give birth to the resultant baby just outside the front gates of a Trump rally:

I quite literally, have no words to accurately describe the feeling of “WhatInTheHolyF**kIsThis?”, that I’ am currently experiencing concerning this horrific homage to hilariously misplaced imagery. I mean… we see our lineup of American heroes, resplendent with patriotism, ready to engage in fierce battle with what I can only assume, is an enemy hopefully susceptible to dying from laughter, and all upcoming jokes aside, it’s seriously weirder than anything I’ve ever seen, as far as this sort of delusional demagoguery goes.

Let’s take stock, if we may- we have the late John Wayne, standing steadfast with his six-gun at the ready, and on the opposite side, the Americanized version of Jesus, draped with the colors that don’t run, unless of course, there’s nothing for us to exploit from where we landed, holding what looks like an earth-shooed grenade, because let’s face it, if you possess all the power of Creation within you as if it were the Gauntlet of Thanos, your most effective weapon will be the one that you would never think to use, right from the start.

However, I will cut JC some slack here, because much like how the Force is arbitrarily utilized by the Jedi, his powers only work whenever the plot seemingly demands it. I could, if were less of a cynic, suggest that maybe the Son of Man’s abilities can only be unleashed in the presence of true believers, but if that were indeed true, then all those prayers that have been pointlessly uttered since the dawn of time, surely would have been answered in full by now, right?

If I were to assess the effectiveness of modern-day Christianity to actually affect change given this parameter, I’d infer that it’s just like Voodoo, but with extra Caucasian added in, if only to improve its marketability towards a wider audience..

irrespectively, the true genius of this Alt-Wrong masturbatory morass, is the depiction of the mango-tinted man-child standing at its visual center, which is somewhat appropriate, considering his pathological need to always be the center of attention to begin with. While some of you mat-y think that the most dangerous place casually stand would be on any random street corner in Downtown Detroit, I’d respectfully disagree, and state that in my opinion, the greatest threat to one’s personal safety would be to inadvertently find oneself caught between Trump and a cable TV news crew.

Given the hallucinatory vibe emanating from within this paint by meth at home starter kit, Trump’s representation is still the most bizarre aspect being portrayed, tiny hands down.

As an outside observer to this madness, I get why John Wayne is there, (AMERICAN RESILIENCE!) I get why Jesus is there, (AMERICA IS GOD’S FAVORITE COUNTRY!) but past the point of lazily engineered propaganda geared towards the slack-brained, it makes no sense as to why Trump is. I mean, he’s not a Christian, he’s not a Patriot, nor a true leader of Men, and let’s be honest here, he looks goddamn stupid as f**k, whenever he attempts to act as if he’s down with the blue collars, as evidenced below:

Seriously. What in the hell is happening here? Is he passing a kidney stone? Did he accidentally sit on his undersized mushroom of a penii? Or is it just that the mere thought of an honest day’s work, causes him to be violently ill to his overly corpulent gut? Good questions all, but sadly, they’re for another time, methinks.

But I must give credit where credit is due, and give mad props to this artistic experiment as a whole, because despite its absurdity, the artist nailed his subjects perfectly, and did so, with ten-foot spikes. Not only did he cast the perfect setting for this delusion and fantastical battle for the very soul of America in front of the White House, he accurately displayed with no small amount of panache, Trump’s penchant for lecherously dry-humping defenseless American flags, as well.

And right in front of Jesus, no less. Say what you will, but that’s some brass eggs being cast right there, even if dually, they are the size of a dehydrated jellybean. What I find truly hilarious though, is the fact that Trump’s facial expression in both sets of imagery, is almost identical:

Now, while I’m certain that this is no more than a bizarre coincidence, it’s still quite odd, given the number of images that the artist could have used for reference, and yet, he/she/they still chose, and this apparently on purpose, the one that in my eyes, makes him look like a constipated bullfrog having an orgasm.

However, I’m still genuinely puzzled as to what the artist was trying to convey here- Trump who one would assume, is in charge of the allegorical skirmish, is also the only one without the ability or the courage to do so.

Keep in mind, this craven not only dodged the draft with invented bone spurs, he also refused to testify in regards to both the Mueller Investigation and the J6 Committee, and when recently subpoenaed to present testimony in a NYC-based fraud prosecution, he took the 5th no less than 440 times.

But yeah… the mango man-child, is the Chosen One, destined to enter the fray of battle, and emerge victorious against all who would dare oppose him. Note that I said “Him”, because he sure as hell doesn’t care about anyone else save himself, and when it comes to this country… well, it’s probably akin to being one of his ex-wives- he’ll use us for the tax deduction, but he’s okay if we have to be dead first, if that’s what’s required for him to qualify.

This mix of politics and quasi-religion is nothing new by American standards, [See; “Reaganism”] but I’d dare say that it’s never been nearly as virulent as it currently is now.

And the people who mainline it as if it were I let loose inside a Ding Dong factory, are quite literally, just a debunked conspiracy theory away from going full cuckoo, as evinced by this not-insane-at-all observational post, from a person whom I can only hope after briefly interacting with him, has no easy access to anything even remotely resembling an arsenal.

In advance, I apologize for its length, if not its sheer insanity, but sometimes ya gotta break a chicken farm’s worth of eggs, to make an oblivious omelet:

Wow. Just… wow.

Granted, there’s a lot to unpack here, but I still find myself leaning towards the assessment that Democrats are “terroristic tyrant terrorists terrorizing our freedom of speech” as the best unhinged tongue twister that has ever been crafted by a brain this cracked, their obviously twitching hands down. What can I say? I just love delusional word play, and there’s plenty to be found within this mental breakdown masquerading as a religious fugue.

What I’m not digging however, other than the bad grammar, muddled rationale, and inherent paranoia, is the barely contained seething rage directed towards all things unfamiliar by this eventual cautionary tale to society, if not the several differing agencies of law enforcement. I say this due to Andre’s numerous references to Death and the waging of War, that he’s sprinkled throughout his rant as if they were cancer croutons.

If one looks closely at the compiled list of Andre’s metaphorical issues with today’s society, coupled with his deliberate perverting of the Word into a weaponized cudgel to justify going after everyone and everything that Andre detests, ranging from Democrats (of course) to Gender Awareness, (naturally) it becomes fairly obvious that somewhere along the line, the once gleaming pinnacle of his Faith has besmirched zealotry.

And while it’s exceedingly rare for me to seriously and non-sarcastically, suggest that any of the persons I write about pose a potential threat to the citizenry around them, but if I were to do so just this once, Andre here, would-be at the top of my go-to list for a long-overdue mental evaluation and this, most definitely within the confines of a secured room wallpapered in the manner of a fortified bouncy castle.

And naturally of course, I just had to infer that in my retort, albeit in the nicest way possible:

Never let it be said that even with my overbearing sense of inherent cynicism, that I can’t be concerned about the mental well-being of others. And Andre, being such a noble paragon of his alleged Faith, made sure to display as much of it as humanly possible, in a response that could do no thong less than make Jesus openly weep that Ander was mistakenly recruited to play for his team:

Damn. That is harsh, is it not? No wonder Jesus ducks Andre’s friend requests, as if they were a cadre of Roman legionnaires camped outside his resurrection cave. Now as to what this Mormon moron is referring to in regards to his wordplay, is the concept of Reprobation, which in Christian theology, is a dogmatic belief which imparts that a person can reject the gospel to such a point that God in turn, rejects them and curses their conscience, which is ironic, since God himself seems to lack one of any note.

However, Andre wasn’t done taking a cue or two from his sociopathic Sky-daddy just quite yet, and decided that he most certainly needed for some strange reason, to prove just how far he could get his own head down the rabbit hole, and up his own ass:

If this is the best spiritual warriors that God can recruit for his “A” team, it makes perfect sense then that his “B” squad is comprised mostly of people whose home decorating taste resembles that of a Hobby Lobby located inside the bathrooms of Forever 21. But all jokes aside, Andre, for all of his obvious intellectual flaws, does represent rather succinctly, just what modern-day Christianity has become- hateful, unhinged, and given the right circumstances and odious guidance, possibly dangerous.

And realizing this, I did what I always do when dealing with someone who might be dangerously compromised intellectually- I poked him with a stick:

Once again, I’d like to call attention to my concern for both Andre and the court-ordered professionals, who most certainly, will be dealing with him down the road. I told you I was nice. Somedays, it’s like you don’t know me at all. But this kind of disturbed clapback such as it is, only serves to reinforce the proof of the disconnection that these blasphemous blockheads have in concern to both Logic and Humanity, and no matter where you throw your gaze, you’ll see the definitive indication of such, almost everywhere:

But after such a rather disturbing run of commentary, I do believe that collectively, we could use a small injection of the patently absurd, so I’d like to ease in to this newest of topics, by starting off our Carousel of Crazy with a far-lighter and humorous first installment

Before I dive in to this fantastical fever-dream with my usual sensitivity and assessment, some background context first, if I may: Mr. Woodford here, was in medical terms, “clinically dead”, a condition generally put in play by cardiac arrest, wherein there is termination of both blood circulation and breathing, which as we all know, are somewhat important in maintaining the continuance of one’s life.

When it comes to what is defined as a stereotypical case of clinical death, the progression is as follows: consciousness is lost within several seconds, while assessable brain activity ceases within 20 to 40 seconds. As the episode of CD advances, the risk of ischemic injury, which can cause potentially fatal blood clotting issues in regards to the body’s vital organs and tissues, is a constant concern. Granted, while blood flow can be stopped in the entire body (below the heart) for up to 30 minutes, the danger of permanent damage to the spinal cord, cannot be taken lightly.

Interestingly, while bone, tendons, and skin, can survive within a range of 8 to 12 hours, I’d suggest however, that if one has been turned into the mental equivalent of a carrot or more accurately, that of the intellectual void possessed by your standard Trump voter, then maybe accepting Death at face value, would really be the best option to go with, overall.

To note: I don’t believe in “near-death” experiences, given the fact that I’ve had two serious brushes with Death itself, and walked away with zero tales to tell, and when it comes to those who claim that they’ve been to Heaven, Valhalla, Ioka, or a Chili’s that serves truly edible food, I give even less credence, but I digress. However, despite my inherent and valid cynicism, if thinking magically truly brings you joyful purpose, then far be it from me to deflate your sadly delusional bubble,

That having been said, if you’ve had such an experience, and place your stock in that it was a divine vision over that of it being a far more credible organic hallucination brought on by the trauma of the traumatic event that put you in that position, I’m afraid my skepticism will eventually rise to the surface somewhat. Here’s the rub, as it were- if afterwards it causes you to seriously reevaluate some things in your life for the better, I honestly think that’s nothing but a positive.

On the other hand, however, if it turns you into a wandering prophet spreading a message of cheerfully disingenuous lunacy, I ain’t getting in bed with that, no matter how good your sales pitch is. If you’ve truly been to the Promised land, and all that you can describe to me is that the Golden fields were running amuck with babies and horses, I’m going to be very disappointed, unless within that declaration, you can also inform me, that said horses were riding the babies bareback, as their eternal reward for putting up with humans riding them. .

Given the rumor that Satan has complimentary lap dancers for new arrivals, and with only a three-drink minimum and no cover charge as well, you’re really going to need to bring your “A” game, if you want to get me willingly wading across the river Styx. And that in large part, is due to just how divisively spiteful so-called Christians present themselves to be:

How would he know” you’re a fake Christian, KC? Well, my first guess would probably be based on the actions and words of yours that they’ve observed, but that’s just me going for the blatantly obvious choice. But I’m sure that like all things, it’s just a matter of opinion, right? In fact, I’m sure with just a little research, I could easily prove that you’re a fine upstanding person of impeccable morality:

Oops. My bad. Never mind. Once again, for persons who declare from the rooftops that they’re all about practicing kindness, they do seem fairly touchy most of the time when called to do so, don’t they? But I’d hate for you to go away empty-handed, as you’re already dangerously empty-headed, KC, so let me grant you some advice and a personal observation.

First, it’s spelled “Atheist”, and second, if there ever was a (proxy)moron, it most certainly, is you.

Moving on, we come to the next interesting character quirk about the Religious Wrong, and that, is their declared propensity for dually fetishizing and justifying the threat of violence, whenever they’re challenged in respect to their thin as onion-skin principles. For people who allegedly serve an icon that promotes acceptance, love, tolerance, and fellowship, modern-day Christians seem far too eager to want to put a cap in somebody’s ass regardless of the supposed level of the provocation involved:

Despite Jesus saying in Matthew 5:44 that “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you”, today’s ever-increasingly psychotic defenders of the faith such as our future headline Koerner here, are just looking for a fight, even if they have to invent both it and the adversary that they’ll need to serve as the scapegoat for its fomentation.

I don’t wish to cast my net of aspersion far and wide, but I have serious reservations concerning the ability of people who willingly pose for selfies like this, and whom, as rumor has it, can’t pass a Confederate flag without touching themselves, of possessing the mental aptitude necessary to successfully overthrow the standing Federal government:Yup… nothing to see here folks, save for yet another garden variety American sociopath, taking a casual stroll through the cesspits of the Interweb, on his way to making yet another bad decision, based on nothing more than misplaced anger, stunning ignorance, and quite possibly, the undiagnosed after effects of being your own father.

This right here boys and girls, is what the underbelly of the Religious Wrong rests on- the self-declared moral righteousness of the testicleless twits that comprise not only the nucleus of the Gravy Seals and Meal Team Six, but also the putrid prophets of faux patriotism, who after they’ve taken America from the clutches of said imaginary enemies, will turn it back into the full-blown Theocracy that it never was.

For the record, both of these cultural impediments represent the Genocide, Slavery, Elitism, Misogyny, Racism, and Colonization that this was country was corruptly founded on, and the Bible represents the velvet glove that was used to jam said moral contradictions down the allegorical throats of everyone who wanted a far more equitable society.

Guns are the enforcement aspect of the hypocritical hydra, and as for the Bible, it serves as the propaganda that attempts to soothe and distract the embattled mass, as it disingenuously rationalizes as to why the force that’s being applied, as unfortunately so necessary. However, I would like to, if I may, hasten to correct the false narrative that’s being depicted here- Liberals do want to “get rid of” Guns or Religion.

What we do want, is to keep the damaging effects of both virulent ideologies that underpin them, out of our personal lives and decisions, our schools, and most importantly, our government and its judicial process. And as an aside, if you’re so adamantly confident that Jesus walks in lockstep with you at all times, then why is there a need for you strap on a substitute penii to simply go get a cup of coffee? 

I didn’t think that I’d ever have to say this in print, or even to myself for that matter, but when I, the atheist, engages in picturing Jesus, I tend to envision him acting far more like this:

And not at all in the manner that these pustular purveyors of the Word so proudly tend to do:

Aside from the ludicrousness of the message contained within this asinine and blasphemous absurdity, there’s also the issue of a supposedly devout Christian, altering the Word pf God itself, in clear violation of Matthew 12:36-37: “But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”

Why is this an issue you ask? Well, other than being known for his prissiness in expecting his overburdened creations to slavishly and unquestionably follow his contradictory edicts, God also hates it when you deliberately misquote him, as well.

What Corinthians 15:3 actually says is; “For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures”, which even from a non-believers POV is as about as far away from the actual message that you can get, in my humble opinion, as this prime example of Christian tolerance shows:
Nevertheless, as far as taking broad artistic license goes, if it has to be done in the future, I’d suggest taking this approach next time, as it’s far less disturbed, if not dead-on accurate:

But leave it to the dimwitted dispellers that are modern-day Christians, to further misinterpret what at best, was already a crazy-sack of half-baked moral conundrums, and present it to the uninterested world entire as a sane philosophy and a refuge for the unwarrantedly self-righteous, even if all evidence to the contrary, lifestyle tends to show up long before their point for promoting such, ever does:

If I may, a few observations? As it is with all demagogues clawing at the parapets of relevance, this is simply yet another attempt to justify their own beliefs and biases, using the carefully cherry-picked narrative of the Word to serve as an ersatz form of evidentiary backup.

Let me remind you all, that it’s common knowledge that the earliest prototype of what would later become the equivalent of today’s modern-era gun, was invented in China, somewhere around the year of 1000 AD.

1000 AD. Let’s think about that, shall we?

For the non-mathematicians among us, that’s a full millennia after Jesus’s supposed death. To note, swords are not guns, and vice-versa, and for those of us whose brains still work, we already know this to be true, but as Christians, deliberately manipulating the fabric of reality into the fantastical edicts of a magical sky-daddy, is just oar for the course, so why should this gross distortion of Jesus’ intent, come as any surprise?

The full text of the passage displayed within this meme, is as follows: “That ye may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom, and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren. And he said unto him, Lord, I am ready to go with thee, both into prison, and to death.

And he said, I tell thee, Peter, the cock shall not crow this day, before that thou shalt thrice deny that thou knowest me. And he said unto them, When I sent you without purse, and scrip, and shoes, lacked ye any thing? And they said, Nothing. Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. For I say unto you, that this that is written must yet be accomplished in me,

And he was reckoned among the transgressors: for the things concerning me have an end. And they said, Lord, behold, here are two swords. And he said unto them, It is enough.”

So, what exactly does all of this actually mean in the end? According to actual Biblical scholars, such as David Lertis Matson, Luke 22:38 often functions, [and I quote his work directly] “in a symbiotic relationship with Luke 22:51 to rein- force the picture of Jesus as a principled pacifist. If Jesus is countenancing some sort of violent action, his rebuke at his arrest makes it clear that he rejects the way of violence altogether.”

And for those of you not familiar with Luke 22:51, it says this: “And Jesus answered and said, Suffer ye thus far. And he touched his ear, and healed him.”

Call me crazy here, but this hardly seems like the appropriate response of a man who allegorically, was openly preaching the doctrine of being locked and loaded, just before finding himself betrayed by one of his own. Looking right at you, Judas. And doing so, right after Jesus picked up the tab (plus the tip) for dinner?

Dick move, Judy. Dick move.

Speaking of which, there’s also the matter of the erroneous visualization of what the 2nd Amendment actually says as well. While it does grant citizens the right to bear arms, it is also fairly specific as to why that is:; “A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

Read that again. Nowhere within this sacred to faux patriots’ text, does it certify that you can have guns to solely substitute for your lack of a marginal penii, nor does it require them for you to go get your coffee. The purpose ol a personal, and as I might point out, “WELL-REGULATED” armory, is to defend the continuing liberty of the Free State, and NOTHING ELSE.  

In fact, the late Former Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court, Warren Burger, once argued that the sale, purchase, and use of guns should be regulated just as automobiles and boats are regulated; such regulations, would not violate the Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. In an interview he granted PBS in 1991, Burger commented that; “The gun lobby’s interpretation of the Second Amendment is one of the greatest pieces of fraud, I repeat the word fraud, on the American People by special interest groups that I have seen in my lifetime.”

Expanding upon his estimation in an op-ed that he wrote for The Associated Press about the Bill of Rights in the same year, he stated that; “the real purpose of the Second Amendment was to ensure that state armies, the militia, would be maintained for the defense of the state. The very language of the Second Amendment refutes any argument that it was intended to guarantee every citizen an unfettered right to any kind of weapon he or she desires.”

Wise words. And from a Conservative, no less. Nevertheless, I’d suggest that it’s unreasonable on any level for us normies, to expect that people who accessorize their one true god with a fully-stocked angelic arsenal, are ever going to be able to successfully delineate their malevolent merging of these two highly contradictory and dogmatic philosophies.

And as usual, I will happily provide a case in point:

Well. This is an overstuffed cornucopia of cracked, is it not?

It quite literally, has all the things- evil agendas, disingenuous leaders, and an impassioned plea for God, the Father of All, who preaches love, acceptance, and tolerance, to get personally involved, and help in the effort to celestially turn my now native New Mexico home, into a war zone reminiscent of the Wastelands depicted within the world of Mad Max.

Nonetheless, I am open to the theoretical concept that I could be the one in the wrong here. as maybe these paragons of morality, really do have a legitimate need for stockpiling so many guns in the name of their wholly invented and faux deity. For according to them, as we shall see, they exist 24/7 in a constant state of siege, defending themselves against a world that wishes nothing less than their total subjugation:

I’m not entirely sure how to break it to Brian here, but Christ has as much to do with Christmas, as I have to do with Milla Jovovich’s sex life, despite my many requests to be involved with its planning committee on some tangible level. I’m kidding of course, because mythical Lord knows, those restraining order case reviews can be a real witch, even on the best of days.

Now, while Christmas has been a federally recognized holiday in America since 1870, its true origins go back further still, and not too surprisingly, they have nothing to do with the myth of Christ. I won’t delve too deeply in regards to the details here, for lack of both time and fear for my remaining sanity, but what we celebrate in this day and age, was insured by the many traditions surrounding the Winter Solstice.

In Scandinavia, the Norse celebrated “Yule” from the 21st of December through the entire month of January, in recognition of the return of the Sun. Germany, on the other mittened hand, honored the pagan god Odin instead. As they were convinced that Odin undertook night-time flights to observe his people, so that he could judge [as if he were the harshest of Santas] whether they should thrive or die, many of his believers willingly chose to keep a low profile during this period.

But the medal for party of the year, just has to be given to the Romans, who not only celebrated Saturnalia, [which paid homage to Saturn, the Roma god of agriculture] they got down with Juvenalia as well, which was a repast that honored the children of Rome. As far as blow-outs go, Saturnalia was the OG of them all- commencing in the week leading up to the winter solstice, it would go on for a full month, and was decidedly, due to its hedonistic nature and underpinnings, as unchristian as you could get.

So, given this background info, how was this swinging good time co-opted by some of the most uptight people on Earth? Well, as it turns out, In the initial years of Christianity, Easter was the holiday BMIC (Big Man In Church), and yet ironically, the birth of Jesus wasn’t even a considered footnote, whereas the overall celebration was concerned.

However, that all changed in the 4th Century, when church authorities decided to celebrate the birth of Jesus, despite the glaring and wholly inconvenient reality, that regardless of iteration, the Bible does not mention the date of his birth at all. This awkward lack of notation was later weaponized by the Puritans, in order to cast derision upon the validity of said holiday.

Given the presence of sheep herding in his origin story, some scholars have proposed that if such a person ever existed, his actual birthday would most likely be sometime in the Spring, because what Shepard in his right mind, wants to be doing so in the dead of winter? 

It is generally ascribed however, that the actual reason why Pope Julius I elected December 25 as the date of Jesus’ birth, was it being part of a calculated move in which, the traditions of the paganistic Saturnalia celebrations would be eventually amalgamated, but without its less savory proclivities occurring in tandem.

Obviously, David doesn’t know, (or care to know) any of this, hence the reason why his false perception concerning his false deity being robbed of his falsely attributed holiday, truly bothers him so much. But I’m not going to split too many of David’s hairs here, because it’s also fairly apparent, that he’s always had the wrong idea of what Christmas actually is or truly represents, for most of his life.

I’ll address the salient points as they occur to me, and hopefully by the time I’m done, my new friend David will not only be far happier regarding the ever-changing meaning of Christmas, but whereas his limited knowledge is concerned, I’ll endeavor as well to leave him a little bit smarter than when I initially discovered him.

I’d start with what I just proved using verifiable research, that Christ has as much to do with the celebration that is Christmas, very much in the same way that Nickelback has to do with the creation of listenable music. Following that, I’d also inform Saint Dick here, that nobody on this planet truly worries about offending a demographic of thin-skinned hypocrites who get their metaphorical testes twisted out of line every year, over the fact that once more, their local Starbucks didn’t get their holiday cups “Jesusy” enough for them.

Now as to his query of why people celebrate Christmas, if they’re not submissively unquestioning lambs of Christ, I think the answer is obvious; IT’S THE GIFTS, MOTHERF**KER. IT’S THE GIFTS. Sure, there’s also the additional bonus of the home-cooked food, as well as the family traditions, but the Artbitch here, is strictly invested for the gift cards and the possibility of adding to my collection of Star Wars toys.

Regardless, I do understand why David is so upset with us alleged basement Satanists, supposedly taking away “his” holiday, for it’s the one time of the year where his unbridled pretentiousness can run amuck and take unprovoked faux offense at everything he deems as inappropriately non-secular within his limited purview. But in the end, he really shouldn’t, because as I’ve already clarified, if you and Jesus are truly bonded, nothing in this world of the material, should really bother you one iota.

In fact, if David truly was a devoted disciple of his self-claimed sociopathically demented demagogue, he’d be akin to Ebenezer Scrooge, the titular character of Charles Dickens’, “A Christmas Carol”, who after being shown the error of his previously insular ways, vows that; “I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.”

See David? The answer to your imaginary issue, was to be found in the book all along. Unfortunately for you, and much like the Bible that you’ve never cracked open, you haven’t read that one, either.

Moving on, we arrive at our next stop of delusional doublethink, courtesy of David’s fellow Christian-in-name only, one Mr. John Haniford. I’ve referenced Haniford before in a prior screed*, due to his penchant for comments both racist and homophobic, but histheorem as to why one should “believe’ in God, may be one of my favorite comments from this walking contradiction for Christ, hands down:
*[Artbitch Archive: May, 2022: “Conspiracy Drearies Pt. 2 (Transpotting)”

In case you missed the truly dizzying intellect on display here, Haniford suggests that even if you have serious doubts concerning or questioning, the existence of God, you should still worship him nevertheless, and I mean this literally, “just in case” you happen to be wrong.

Looking at it objectively, that is a truly compelling gambit to sell me wholesale on being in subjugation to a sociopath for the run of my natural life, based on the unwarranted hope that when I get to Heaven, I might have a shot at the ,late Tawny Kitaen.

Or it would be, if I was a complete f**king idiot. And as for the former Mrs. David Coverdale of Whitesnake fame, say what you will about her thespian theatrics, but I will go to my grave openly declaring this was the best hair metal girl of all time. All of my 80’s fan-boying aside, I still need to address Haniford’s somewhat disingenuous take concerning the application of slavish faith, so let me start with his premise as a collective whole.

If I follow the gist of Haniford’s proposition, it infers that I should spend my life entire, submissively groveling at the unworthy feet of a mercurial schizoid, lest I find myself dammed for all of eternity for not basing my very existence itself in fear of such.

Not only will I take a hard pass regarding this abject stupidity, I’ll go one better, and check off all the things listed that I’m not supposed to do as well, because as I’ve previously noted, spending my time with persons like Haniford in perpetuity, really isn’t the selling point that he might think it is.

To quote the song “The Wages of Sin” as written by the highly underrated Texas band the Rainmakers; “The wages of sin, the reward of fear, Is worrying and fretting every second of the year- If Heaven is guilt, no sex and no show, then I’m not sure if I really want to go.”

Call me crazy if you must, but to attempt selling me on upending my current existence in order to appease a never-seen, never-heard, and never-experienced sky-daddy, seems like a colossal act of deliberate self-delusion at best, and a disturbing and undiagnosed case of severe mental illness, at its worst.

However, as I am quite the reasonable person, I’ll make Hanford a deal- the day I can walk out of a courtroom scot-free after committing a crime, based on my openly stating that either “God forgives me”, or “the Devil made me do it”, that is the day I will happily covert to ascribing to Haniford’s White Voodoo cult, and I’ll even be willing to buy all of the garbage that comes with it, in order to atone for all of my previously imaginary sins.

Nevertheless, until that most glorious of days arrives, replete with its expected herald of Angels, my newest BFF Haniford here, is cordially invited to go take a flying f**k at a rolling doughnut, and call us square.

But as with all things, total and willing immersion within the unholy Waters of Wackadoo, will in time, eventually turn your intellect into a shriveled prune, and to close off this latest screed of mine, I’ll leave you with two prime examples of such to bolster this theorem of mine. First up, let’s meet a person who best exemplifies just why you’re not supposed to seriously consider producing your Meth using the application of an EZ-Bake oven:
Let me just go over the list here, if I may: is there incoherent babbling in literary form? Check. Are there abominable grammar, spelling, and sentence structuring errors as well? Check. And finally, does the entirety of said statement read as if they’re auditioning for the lead role in a remake of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”? Yup, a clean sweep across the board. Job well done, I must say.

But as insane as that is, there’s still far better evidence that these people live in a bubble of their own making, and this time around it’s one Samuel E. Tolley III, who brings us this deep brain-fried nugget of Christian love, faith, and tolerance, albeit one that’s been dipped repeatedly in a spicy WTF sauce:

Now, I know it’s been several decades since I regularly attended church, but if this is what’s on the current roster for Sunday services, those Houses of Worship sound lit as f**k. Minus the child sacrifice of course, because a man has to draw a line somewhere, even if every now and then, I’d like to see the consistently shrieking brat across the street get launched to Venus, using the services of a Trebuchet.

Tolley, who just so happens to be the author of a quaint little tome titled; “Enemy of Christ Revelation 21:8” which according to its online description, asks the ever-so-important question; “Are you a friend or an enemy of Christ?”, is definitely one to be considered for a future insertion in a secured room wallpapered in bubble wrap, given his absurdly asinine misinterpretation of what Christianity actually is, and what he erroneously thinks it’s valid detractors represent.

One of the things that I’ve always found curious in respect to the interpretation of religion, regardless of whatever aspect of it is represented, is just how some of its adherents manage to take an otherwise openly positive message of Love, Peace, and Inclusiveness, and deliberately mangle it, into a virulent and potentially violent memorandum of malevolence.

One of the things that I’ve always found curious in respect to the interpretation of religion, regardless of whatever aspect of it is represented, is just how some of its adherents manage to take an otherwise openly positive message of Love, Peace, and Inclusiveness, and deliberately mangle it into a virulent and potentially violent memorandum of malevolence.

There’s an old saying that declares that; “Third time’s the Charm”, but if this applies to Tolley, I can inky shudder at what his two previous iterations must have espoused.

To note, what Tolley is referencing in his straight to the obscurity bin book’s title, is this: “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”:

I could drop some serious shade here, concerning this biblical passage, by inferring that it’s no more than a detailed listing of the required characteristics to be considered a role model in the modern-day GQP,  but I think I’ll take the high road instead, and point out that by referencing this for his tepid tome, Tolley has perfectly positioned himself, as nothing less than the hypocrite’s go-to hypocrite.

Why do I say this? Let me count the ways: first, he supports a party that not only routinely defends or even worse, promotes persons of moral ambiguousness to run for higher office, despite the taint of their being accused and/or convicted, of a host of serious crimes, ranging from sexual assault to domestic violence.

Second, in a blatant case of calling the pot black, several of Trump’s political associates, such as Ruben Verastigui, Ronald Williams II, Adam Hageman, Caleb Bailey, George Nader, Ralph Shortey, Tim Nolan, Ben Gibson, Richard Ciccarella, and Anton Lazzaro, to name just a few, have all been charged with, or convicted for, sexually-related offenses, ranging from child sex trafficking, to possession of child pornography.

Third, Tolley’s chosen political home also invested a great deal of time and media coverage in the lauding of unrepentant murderers such as Kyle Rittenhouse, who gunned down three people (killing two) at a protest in Kenosha, Wisconsin, as well as decrying the conviction of a former Minneapolis cop turned convicted killer, Derek Chauvin, who willingly asphyxiated a handcuffed suspect by the name of George Floyd, over the course of ten agonizing minutes

This cold-blooded act of authoritarian abuse, led to worldwide protests against the current epidemic that is police brutality, but yes, my Troll-House kooky… it’s the Democrats who are in league with the allegorical Devil in these truly dark times. From an outsider’s perspective, Tolley’s list of imaginary transgressions that he slurs the Democrats with, is quite disturbing overall, but when measured against the moral atrocities that his God has engineered, it pales by contrast. Let’s compare the score sheets, if we may.

Child Sacrifice:  God seems cool with it, for as it is noted in 2 Kings 2:24:When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two female bears came out of the woods and TORE UP FORTY-TWO lads of their number.” And let’s not overlook Genesis 22: where God commands Abraham; “Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and OFFER HIM there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.”

Say what you will, but when taken at face value, God’s worth as a potential babysitter, should probably be centered somewhere between Freddy Kreuger and Albert Fish, if you take into account as you should, his penchant for murdering his creations wholesale.

Sodomy: Man, oh man, do Christians hate this sexual act or what? In the abstract, the implication one can glean from examining the relevant passages referencing it within the Bible itself, is that it has far less to do with its stereotypical homosexual connotation, as it tends to be used as a descriptive for both the act of rape and the attempt, to do so as declared in Genesis 9:20–27, and 19:1–11. Prostitution has also been associated with this act in tandem, as noted within the texts of Leviticus 18:22, 20:13, 1 Corinthians 6:9–10, and Timothy 1:10.

And for people who claim to hate the practice so much, it does seem like an awful lot of Christians are morbidly fascinated with the intricacies of unfettered ass-play, regardless of what other sins may be up for discussion at the time. I’m sure that there’s nothing there worth sharing with the class. At least not for now.

Nature Worship: To that, I will present the passage that is Job 12:7–10: “But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee: Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee. Who knoweth not in all these that the hand of the Lord hath wrought this?” Once again, he seems cool with it, so long as you don’t engage in acts of abhorrent sodomy, while you’re appreciating his six-day investment.

However, Conservatives disrespecting Mother Nature really isn’t all that strange, bearing in mind that when they look at it, all they see is yet another opportunity to cast degradation upon something widely considered to be feminine, but this time, managing to turn a profit while doing so.

Blasphemy, Idolatry, Defamation of God & False Christianity:This, from the people who’ve willingly replaced Jesus with Trump, the Word with populist propaganda, and represent the teachings within the Bible, akin to the way that Ted Bundy once represented being an ally for the Women’s Rights movement. Of the 70’s. Not only do these disingenuous demagogues represent a very real threat to both our culture and country, they’re also accordingly, their own worst enemy as well.

Affording the normal amount of societal shift that occurs over decades, modern-day religion in general, is on the decline. Christianity, the largest religion in the United States, was once tabulated as being the primary faith of 73.7% of the total population in 2016, but by 2020, only 47% of Americans said that they belonged to a church, down from the previously set highwater mark of 70%, in 1999.

And while there was an increase in Catholic membership between the years of 2000 and 2017, there was also, an almost 11% decline in the number of churches. Unsurprisingly, the numbers continue to spiral ever downward, as weekly church attendance among Catholics, has dropped from 55% in 1970, to today’s average of 20%,

It’s almost as if across the board, critical thinking adults have started to realize that as well as being a cancer upon one’s humanistic outlook, organized religion directly affects our interpersonal and political relationships to boot, and not for the better.

The lauded Italian inventor and astronomer, Galileo Galilei, once opined that; “I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect, has intended us to forgo their use.” A philosophical assessment that i would strongly encourage every self-declared Christion to cast some personal reflection upon. That is, when they can take the time to stop contradicting themselves, via their own words, actions, and hypocritical misdeeds.

In closing, i will quote author Salman Rushdie, who succinctly summed up the absurdity of presenting religion as a protected bastion of inscrutability: “Respect for Religion” has become a code phrase for “fear of Religion”. Religions, like all other ideas, deserve criticism, satire, and yes, our fearless disrespect.”

Speaking the truth, Salman. However, since it didn’t come from a talking snake, a burning bush, a disembodied voice in the clouds, or appear as a stain in the shape of the Holy Mother, I doubt that any of these dimwitted disciples, will grasp it.

 

“Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?” – Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Shilling of a Lesser God. (An Atheistic Amusement)

Originally produced for Related Records’ Phoenix-based independent Zine, “Testimony Vol. 1”, initially published in August of 2022.

————————————————————————————————

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” – Epicurus

I open up this screed by definitively declaring, that there is no God. Never has been. Never will be. And most assuredly, if my first two observations are later to be proven false, Logic will still find that as the alleged Father of all, he still fails far shy of deserving the unconditional love he so conceitedly deigns that we, those who were cursed by his own hand, provide him.

Like most modern-day fathers who long ago shirked their responsibilities, he demands unwarranted respect when he bothers to make a limited appearance, but refuses to bestow it in turn. At best, he’s an incompetent over-the-hill Salaryman, trying to relive his glory days via the manipulation of innocents, and at worst, he’s an obsessively mercurial and highly disingenuous sociopath, whose intrinsic ideology is far more in line with the Family of Manson, than the one espoused by the Family of Man.

In short, God is a Fraud. A Theoretical Bully. A Celestial Construct. A mythical Sky-daddy, specifically crafted to keep the ignorant and the fearful under the semblance of social subjugation, and for those select chosen few, to serve as their conduit to acquiring power and influence over others. And in this, an age where access to the world’s knowledge entire is instantaneous, he’s also irrelevant.

We as a society, save for the gullible few scattered among us, remain in the dark no longer as to how the world itself actually works, as we’ve conquered the initial ignorance surrounding biology, geology, and astronomy, and need not the salve of spiritualism, to make sense of that which we don’t understand or fail to comprehend. The Dark Ages had Prophets to guide us. We on the other hand, have YouTube.

Who needs a God when morality is inherent? Who needs a God when Science is based in (and on) verifiable Reality? Who needs miracles, when we’ve split the atom, landed on the Moon, and placed no less than five planetary rovers capable of independent actions, on a celestial body that at its farthest distance from us, is 112.72 million miles away?

Fortunately, for current gas prices, we tend to send these robotic explorers when Mars is an average of only 33.9 million miles away in relation to our home world, so cut NASA some well-earned slack, regarding their past dual cock-ups within the Shuttle program. Think about what humans have accomplished in the span of an average lifetime, and what God thus far, has failed to even partially eradicate over millennia, despite being all-powerful and allegedly, omnipotent.

War, poverty, famine, disease, racism, sexism, homophobia, Islamophobia, xenophobia, nationalism, willfully hateful ignorance, sexual trafficking and abuse, infant mortality, a rapidly untenable planet, due ironically, to both Man’s actions and inaction, and lest we forget, the scourge that is Nickelback, being allowed to produce a body of work that contains no less than nine studio albums, two compilation albums, one EP, five video albums, and 32 individual music videos.

If that isn’t proof enough that there is no God, I really don’t know what to tell you. Chad Kroeger may not be the Antichrist himself, but he certainly would be the composer for his theme music, nevertheless. I noted earlier that the roots of God’s existence lay in Mankind’s need at one point, to explain the workings of the Universe which was once unknown, but what are the elements within that particular narrative?

Our story begins after God, having:created said Universe in six days, decides to situate a virtual paradise on Earth, that he calls The Garden of Eden, stocks it with all of the delights and delicacies that he crafted days before, and in a sheer moment of omnipotent genius, takes Adam and Eve, his two previously immaculate human creations, and deliberately installs the flaw of Free Will into them, despite having no real need in the first place, to do so.

He then instructs them both not to use it, under the threat of dire consequence, then purposefully crafts an irresistible temptation, as he concurrently allows their dual corruption by yet another of his predestined formations (albeit an evil one) who somehow, manages to enter and exit, the Garden unmolested.

After the pair commit the sin that will eventually be classified as “Original”, and doom us all to Hell, God loses his collective cool about it, and banishes Adam and Eve from the Garden forever, notwithstanding the obvious fact that the situation at his hand was ENTIRELY HIS FAULT, he still sends the duo out into the harshness of the world beyond the Garden, completely unprepared, as all good parents are apt to do.

After quite some time has passed, he takes some personal initiative, transcribing a book of rules via other flawed humans, in which he demands that they, and all of their resultant offspring, endeavor to spend their lives worshipping him on bended knee, otherwise he’ll deem them as being unworthy of his “love”, toss them into a bottomless pit of eternal fire, replete with chains of ice, and unceasing torment, with no hope of escape.

And lest ye forget, he’s doing all of this, because he “loves us”. Now, if I were a far more cynical person, I’d assert that the manner in which he shows us this fictional grace, seems like it would fit far better in Ted Bundy’s gameplan, rather than God’s obviously improvised one. And this is whom we’re commanded to slavishly worship without fail and/or query? F**k that noise, plain and simple.

After all, just because I have chosen to metaphorically walk among the stars, and require neither God’s presence, or the insular imprisonment of his doctrine to do so, doesn’t mean that you should follow my path. But as a rule, its hard to explore the infinite possibilities that Life itself offers you freely, when you’re consistently genuflecting to forestall a predetermined fate that you didn’t warrant to begin with.

Just a thought. And hopefully, a clear one.

“It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is, than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” – Carl Sagan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Conspiracy Drearies Pt. 3 (Interhate Love Song)

“The sin which is unpardonable is knowingly and willfully to reject truth, to fear knowledge lest that knowledge pander not to thy prejudices.” –  Aleister Crowley, Magick: Liber ABA: Book 4

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

The Greek philosopher Plato once optimistically stated that; “To prefer evil to good is not in human nature; and when a man is compelled to choose one of two evils, no one will choose the greater when he might have the less.” While this is a rather utopian view of Humanity in general, it’s also seemingly quite naïve, whereas modern-day society is presently concerned.

Not only does it appear that certain individuals within today’s alleged Civilization will readily, if not happily, choose the greater of said Evils, they’ll do so for no other reason than the obsessive hope that the people they’ve ignorantly chosen to despise, will be grievously wounded by their doing so. Hate is a powerful emotion, and when it’s specifically weaponized, the carnage that it can unleash, is damn near nigh impossible to put this malicious Jinn back in its metaphorical bottle.

The accepted definition of “hate” is as such: “an extreme dislike or disgust “, but this rather clinical assessment fails to take into account the underlying, yet primary, foundation of all things that are both hated and hateful in spirit, that being Fear.

To truly hate something, one must also have some modicum of dread regarding it, otherwise such things would pass through our lives harmlessly, emerging as if they were corn that had traveled through a two-year old blemish-free, and entirely whole. But such is not the case with that which we fear, now is it? Hate and Fear leave open wounds, spiritual scars, and excavates the darkest of chasms within our hearts and minds.

However, acknowledgement of the problem hardly qualifies as its solution, and the area where Fear really pulls its allegorical weight, is as a tool of propagandists, as its ratio of investment to net gain, is beyond spectacular. Empires, both personal and corporatized, have been built on the backs of both the fearful and the malicious, and the malevolent manna that they require to propagate their metaphorical borders, is essentially self-generating these days.

If exploiting people’s Fear hadn’t ever actualized as a viable construct already, Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity would be regarded as nothing more than those two brotards at your workplace whom HR would sadly get to know on a first name, if not related hobbies, basis. But with all due fairness, while these two malingerers may serve as heralds of the horrible, they are in reality, no more than symptoms of a societal cancer that has afflicted us for quite some time now.

Hate and/or fear, while truly the most simplistic of emotions, also possess quite the variance as to just how they choose to manifest themselves, a quirk that also extends to whatever underlying factors set them on their path in the first place.

Starting off, there’s the American classic, “Fear of the Other”, whose obsessive focus falls both upon the GQP’s favorite scapegoats of late, that being registered and undocumented immigrants, as well as anyone else who dares to be clearly “not from around here”, such as the descendants of slavery, whose shade of melanin in some way, makes them “less than” in the eyes of those who think that skin color falls somehow, under the category of a personal choice.

if I had a dollar for every time some racist wretch shouted “All Lives Matter” at my back whenever I proudly rock my BLM T-shirt, I could easily buy an island for all of their similar thinking ilk to live on, fully stocked with Pabst Blue Ribbon, pork rinds, and record stores that sell nothing but Ted Nugent and Kid Rock CD’s. What can I say? I know what White trash digs.

But when it comes to acknowledging the inequities regarding economics, applications of legal justice, educational disparagement, and career opportunities that the African-American community continues to suffer through, these very same ALM cheerleaders hit the mute button on their bullhorns faster than a fifteen-year-old caught watching porn on his cellphone when his mom walks into his bedroom unannounced. .

I’d point out that if they really believed that “all lives matter” as they consistently claim, the message of “BLM” wouldn’t bother them at all. They’re just pi**ed by the thought that African-American lives being considered as equal to those of Whites, might actually become a standard, and mystical Lord knows, they sure as f**k, don’t want that.

Next up on the list, there’s the “Fear of the Non-Divine”, stereotypically fueled by Christian intolerance which targets those of the Jewish, Muslim, and Buddhist faith, along with Satanists, Pagans, Wiccans, and the evilest of all, those who don’t believe in the one true God known as Odin, and whom label themselves as (GASP!!!) “Devout Atheists”, which is akin to those that practice Humanism, but with far more calories, if not better shindigs. 

Oops. My bad… [checks notes] it seems the “one true God” is supposedly Jesus Christ, and not Odin. My sincerest apologies. I tend to get those two mixed up, due to the fact that they both have awesome stage presence, incredible hair, and a true sense of showmanship as well. Unfortunately for both of their respective fan bases, and despite the powers each is purported to have possessed, they still are to this day, one-hundred percent completely f**king mythical.

Honest mistake. It won’t happen again, I assure you.

Moving on, Fear and Hate correspondingly, have quite the issue with those whose lifestyle choices are different than theirs, fitting into a characterization that I like to call “Fear of the Fabulous”. Now, as far this particular category goes, it has a few varied underpinnings that form its foundations. The most obvious of course, is the phobias starting with the prefixes of “Homo” and “Trans”, or those which despise any mention of the acronym LGBTQ,

Underlying plywood within this subfloor of ignorance, also includes the oddity of its detractors possessing a blatantly obvious latent curiosity regarding gay sexual practices while simultaneously disparaging them, as well as the inclusion of a singular sentence from a book of Bronze-Age fairy tales, arguing that it provides no less than celestial justification itself, for their unwarranted arracks to boot.

Not to mention, the parasitic attachment of barely restrained toxic masculinity that bleeds through when this community is openly harassed. For men who claim to be ever-so-manly, they for some as yet unknown fully heterosexual reason, seemingly need a lot of backup muscle when they go out cruising as a group, hoping to beat up some effeminate poofs, let me tell you.  I’m sure there’s nothing of homoerotic interest to unpack there, by any stretch of the imagination.

Since I covered this topic in depth somewhat in the last screed, I won’t be rehashing it here yet again, but I will say this: if you spend more time thinking about gay sex than the people who are actually engaging in it, you’re more than likely, so far back in the allegorical closet as it were, that next year’s Christmas gifts no longer remain unknown to you. Just saying.

Progressing forward, we come to the next hovel of hate, and that is the relatively new aspect of “Fear of All That is Known”, which covers the fields of Science and Medicine, along with their practitioners and those who possess both a higher education, and the ability to apply it to everyday life.

The Right-Wing Retard Brigade refers to these specific people as “elites”, for no other reason than the fact that unlike those who slavishly obey the whims of a red-hatted Mango-tinted Mussolini, the learned instead, actually bother to check the veracity of the details they’re presented with first, before deciding on a personal course of action.

I’ve always been amused by those who couldn’t open the front door to get into DeVry, assume that they’re now honorary virologists, political pundits, and constitutional lawyers, just because they spent ten minutes watching a handful of garage-assembled videos on YouTube

And when it comes to the institutions that produce these educated individuals that are so despised by the often-wrong Right, the hatred is quite literally, a palatable entity. Colleges, according to these GED washouts, are nothing more than “centers of Liberal indoctrination”, hellbent on nothing less than the complete and utter destruction of traditional society, established cultural norms, and the core values of the American family itself.

And here I was, thinking that all my Associate of Arts degree was going to get me, was a comfy job making album covers and the conversational opportunity to pick up the random art groupie, every now and then, when all along, I was actually being groomed to become a Godless anarchist with machinations of evil intent, to lure the unaware into my ever-expanding cabal of inclusive consciousness, instead.

Damn you Art College. Damn you to Hell.

Nevertheless, while the people who view opening a book as being on the same intellectual par as dismantling a nuclear bomb, rail about their precious children being brainwashed by exposure to the light that eradicates the ignorance and hypocrisy installed by their parental units, their offspring academically advance regardless, and that’s what Conservatism truly fears: the fact that when their brood learns that they’ve been ;lied to their entire lives, the desire to make some major changes within it, becomes truly tantamount.

Conservatives don’t fear and hate education because it imparts a rigid standard of seeing the world one way or another, they despise it solely because once unshackled by the skeleton key of education, the mind set free, becomes a rather dangerous foe to those who wield power over a relatively complacent (and easily misdirected) society.

If you value personal thought and the freedom granted by your individuality, do the three things that Conservatives hate most: read, write, and question all that you’re told, and watch the blood vessels inside their constricted brains pop.

Its always worked for me. It can work for you too.

And finally, there’s the “Fear of the Feminine”, as espoused by a cadre of intellectually void misogynists, ranging from the thankfully deceased Rush Limbaugh, to the aforementioned Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson, who are quite literally, the walking embodiment of want barely sentient hemorrhoids can achieve, when they’re given free license to spew vacuous bile during the most advantageous of prime-time slots.

Whether it’s disparaging women for choosing a career over having children, or slurring the single moms that manage to do both as breeders for future welfare recipients, conservatives consciously play both sides of the hypocrite’s coin whenever possible.

For instance, they could teach their sons to respect a women’s right to spurn unwanted carnal advances and not engage in the abominable acts of sexual harassment and/or rape, but why do that, when you can just as easily, paint the victim as “asking for it”, dependent on where she was, what she was wearing, or how much alcohol she consumed prior to being attacked?  

Let’s be clear: conservatives LOVE seeing women subjugated, humiliated, and most importantly, defeated on every level. as it reaffirms both their faux masculinity, and the erroneous notion that women truly are, [in their opinion] just as the LGBTQ community is, “less than” what they consider themselves to be. Doubt this take of mine? Just look at the specific insults relating to gender and sexual identity that men hurl at each other: “Bitch”, Pu**y”, “Queer”, ”C**ksucker”, “Fag”, and the like.

Conservative men are terrified of strong independent women, hence their obsession with keeping them in line via laws to strip them of their rightful body autonomy, so that they find themselves trapped in the emblematic kitchen, forcibly pregnant, the way God intended them to be. While I can only speak for myself as always, I find it hilarious that these so-called men who can’t find the clitoris of the woman they do know, still feel that they have the right to govern the uterus of the woman they don’t.

However, what these wannabe uterine ushers fail to take into account, is the ramifications of ticking off half of the world’s population due to their fear of being bested by the fairer sex. Outside of the expected sexual cut-off, I wonder what the reaction will be when female legislators start introducing bills concerning the body rights of men. At the moment, there are no laws on the books that regulate what men can do with their genitalia, a sexist fact that these cravenly cucks purposefully overlook.

Can you imagine the testosterone-fueled outrage if it were passed into law, that men had to get pre-authorization to be sexually active? Better yet, how about decreeing that prior to each act of sexual activity, only men were subject to being tested for STD’s? And since conservatives are ever-so-worried about the scourge of teenage pregnancy, shouldn’t condom usage be delegated as mandatory, unless one was willing to undergo a reversible vasectomy?

After all, doesn’t it make more sense to take the bullets out of the gun, rather than place a bullet-resistant shield in front of it? And let’s not forget making men purchase birth insurance, just in case an “accident”: or as anti-abortionists put it, a “miracle of life” just so happens to occur. Rational options all, I feel. What’s that you say, my manly chums? It seems that the responsibility for inadvertent reproduction seems now placed upon your previously unburdened shoulders?

Well, I’m sorry about that. Truly, I am. But in retrospect, maybe you should have kept your nose out of ither people’s private concerns, and then you wouldn’t be sitting home alone on a Friday night with a case of the Blue Balls, now would you? But enough with my setting up the quadrants of fear-based ignorance, as it’s now time to switch gears, line up the dominoes of density, and knock them all down, using nothing save the words originally scribed by their authors as a testament to their own obliviousness,

And what better way to start us off, than with an example of antisemitism disguised as political commentary, posted by one Jimmy Frost, who also goes by the moniker of “Kentucky Fried Jimmy” on Facebook?Good question Jimmy- are there any “Jews” around, and if so, why in the f**k would they ever do business with you? Maybe your daily rate is a factor, given the well-known stereotype for Jewish thriftiness in regards to matters of financial outlay, but your sparklingly odious personality for sure, is unquestionably not. Maybe the reason those who are Jewish tend to vote Democratic, is because unlike your party, we tend to screen out the NAZI’s, rather than elect them to high-standing, as you guys are so fond of doing.

And as for your claim that you were talking to a “Jew”, because apparently, that’s the way you respectfully identify people these days, is by their religious leanings, I’ll call bulls**t. Not only do you not know any, I’m fairly certain that the ones in Florida where you allegedly operate, treat you and your business as if it were a non-Kosher shrimp and pork sandwich. And if you don’t get that joke Jimmy, you are most certainly, not down with the Jews.

Fortuitously for Jimmy, if he runs out of imaginary Jews to talk to concerning the theoretical, he can always rely on his fellow lover of all things Jewish, Al Savaria, to commiserate with in regards to us Democrats having cornered the market on free-range Jewry:

Wow. Just wow. I’ve seen some clever ways to introduce the classic gambit that Jews run the world entire, but this is quite the new twist on an antisemitic fantasy. However, I have some sad news for Al here: if Jews did run the world, I can assure you that not only would there be a Katz’s delicatessen on every other corner, Ben Stiller would have been installed as the true face of the John Wick movie franchise by now.

Or so I would assume, according to this theory I just created out of air and the vile bigotry that I borrowed from these two burnt-out light bulbs of dizzying intellect.

But don’t you worry kids, because if you can’t make one asinine theory stick to your supposed enemies, you can always hit them in another area that’s always a sore spot for most, and what better method is there, than questioning the legitimacy of their religious faith?I tell you, there’s nothing I enjoy more than a word salad drizzled with a slightly acidic vinaigrette of dumbf**kery, such as this one appears to be. Let’s just check the ingredient list: a befuddled interpretation of a Bronze-Age book of fairy tales? Check. Misspellings and/or improper contextual use of the words “their” and “our”? Check. An arrogant claim about whose God is the “real” God? Check.

And finally, a threat of divine retribution against an imagined enemy? Check and done. One small note however regarding theology, if I may? The last time I checked, the aforementioned Jesus of Nazareth, was a Jew, unless of course, McLeod here, is referring to the renowned car mechanic, Jesus of Nazareth, Texas, who while not granted the healing powers of the allegorical Savior, has been known to work absolute miracles on late-model Subarus.

Call me crazy, but when I think of Jesus, I think of the one seen in prayer cards holding bunnies, not the one holding an UZI, happily splashing in the rapidly congealing puddles of his chosen victim’s blood. But what do I know? Its been over 40 years since I was an altar boy, so maybe the Vatican has made a few changes here and there in my absence.

But the image of Christ as an agent of vengeance, while popular with Conservatives, is thankfully, not the most so-called Christians ascribe to. Nope, that position of punitiveness, is generally reserved for his dad “God”, whom if you remember the Old Testament, was all about bringing the pain, if not the Brimstone rain. But as is usual with most bigots who hide behind the faux sanctity of a thin-as-tissue-paper faith, they conveniently on purpose, fail to mention this, and instead, cast it upon others:

And who better to anoint with their hypocrisy, than the blasphemous infidels who would dare to label Jesus as nothing more than a prophet, and not as the deity commonly represented as the Son of God?

Regular readers of, or even those passingly familiar with the Bible, may be raising their eyebrows right about now, regarding this take concerning the virtuousness of the so-called Good Book versus the wickedness supposedly contained within the Quaran, as the role of women and the overall respect they’re supposedly accorded within established Christian doctrine, is not that far removed from what’s being alleged about the Islamic faith.

Now, while it is true that Ephesians 5:25 does command; “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”, The intent of Corinthians 14:34-35 immediately counters this by bluntly decreeing; “The women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church.”

 But let’s not forget, the Quran is really the purported misogynist tome here, and not the Bible. In fact, the Bible is not only amazingly pro-feminist, but also offers helpful advice as well. Take this passage from Timothy 2:11-15, for instance:

 “Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing- if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.”

 Yup. Nothing controlling or knuckle-dragging Neanderthalic about this at all, right? You just gotta love God’s message here: “Learn stuff but don’t share what you know outside of your one-book-only club, shut your pie-hole, and even though I created the forbidden fruit and the serpent pushing it on you, KNOWING FULL WELL AND IN ADVANCE, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN, because I’m all-powerful and all-seeing, I’m still going to blame you for eating it, because… um, “mysterious ways” and all that jazz.”

 But maybe, just maybe, I’m reading too much between the lines in regards to God’s immutable assertions. After all, he did create women for a specific reason, and I’m sure it was not at all self-serving whatsoever, as evidenced by Proverbs 31:30: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Ok. I admit it. That may have been a bad example. Certainly, he must place worthwhile stock in the value of a strong independent woman who speaks her mind, as notated within Proverbs 21: “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” Once again, my fingers did the walking and tripped. I sincerely apologize.

However, this passage from Genesis 3;16 is all about a woman’s role as a wife and mother, and I’m sure that it will redeem the one true God, for certain: “To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

[Artbitch closes laptop, glares at empty sky for ten minutes, composes himself, opens laptop, tries again.]

All right… this time, and I really, really, mean it, I’m sure I’ve hit upon the one pronouncement from the all-powerful God that proves, 100%, that the Bible is way more respectful to women than the Quaran could ever hope to be, even on its best day. Titus 2:4-5: “And so, train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

 And this is why I apparently need to read the story all the way to the end, rather than just skim it, because quite honestly, these plot twists are killing my credibility here. Nevertheless, I’d advise you all to keep the faith as it were, because I’m about to hit it out of the park with this one, where God notes the strength of women in relation to the power of royalty: Proverbs 31:3: ”Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings.”

Seriously. What f**ked in the empty head disciple, transcribed this chauvinistic piece of celestial cuckdom into existence, Roman of Polanski? Sean of Connery? James of Woods? Man, I understand good writers were hard to come by back in the day, but you’d think the omnipotent Deity over All, would have had the budget to hire the Kurt Vonnegut’s of Bethlehem, rather than the Dean Koontz’s of Kentucky. 

And speaking of Kentucky, our ol’ pal “Kentucky Fried Jimmy”, AKA: Jimmy Frost, has a solution to what he considers to be the “Muslim problem”, and it’s one that would make Josef Goebbels ever so proud:
You know, for people who just love to compare the other side of the political fence to NAZI’s, they sure do spend an awful amount of time trying to install some of their more virulent visions into the mainstream minds of our collective society’s psyche. And despite the reassurance by his fellow f**khead Thomas Strauch, that we should remove American citizens for the “good of America”, I’d suggest a counteroffer instead: how about we deport all the racists first as a test, just to see if that improves things?

It obviously couldn’t hurt, and just think about how nice it would be, knowing that all the so-called Confederate flag flying “Christians” were now being placed in countries where not only would their bulls**t not be tolerated, it would be ironically dealt with, in the very same manner that they wish to inflict upon the religious minorities currently living here.

Maybe it’s just me, but has anyone else noticed that since the concept of Trumpism took hold, conservatives think that the ultimate resolution to every social concern they have, albeit real or imagined, is to exile it, as if it were an unwanted Christmas fruitcake from their Aunt Hildegard? Other than being unconscionable, the very concept of Jimmy’s non-PC braggadocio, is wholly unconstitutional, as well. 

Frost’s reference to the act of banning Muslims from entering the United States, stems from his vile misinterpretation of a passage within the McCarran-Walker Act of 1952, which upheld a divisive quota system for immigration that was first introduced in 1924. Although the 1952 measure eradicated the racial conditions for acquiring citizenship, particularly where Asians were concerned, its founding of new quotas that favored Western Europeans, is definitively the origin of Frost’s erroneous claim.  

As noted in Chapter 2, Section 212 of the Act, there exists a provision that allows specific United States government officials the right to deny entry to any person deemed to pose a possible threat to said government. The observant among us, and you know who you are, will note that nowhere within this decree once examined in depth, does there exist any mention of specifically excluding those who identify as being of the Muslim faith, or anyone who hails from Islamic nations, either.

Zip. Zilch. Zero. Nada.

But leave it to conservatives to demand action concerning a problem that doesn’t actually exist, as evinced by this mentally-deficient, and highly xenophobic word-salad, courtesy of one Debra Caldwell: 

I’ve noted in previous screeds, that in no way, shape or form, do I have any proven clinical background in regards to the field of psychology, and therefore, have no right whatsoever to present a formal diagnosis in respect to what particular mental issue Caldwell may allegedly be suffering from at the current moment, but I will say this- whatever it is, I’m sure it’s very hard to pronounce.

In fact, I will go one step further, and submit that while I don’t personally know for certain exactly just what transgressions proper grammar and punctuation inflicted upon her as a defenseless child, she’s definitely paying them back for it now, in spades. I don’t want to be unnecessarily flippant here, but if Caldwell wasn’t in the middle of having a stroke as she was writing this, I’d strongly suggest that it may be a good idea to not only take away her car keys, but to wallpaper her home with bubble wrap, as well.

Sadly, Caldwell’s intolerant ignorance of all persons ascribed as Islamic, is not unique, and it most certainly, is not lacking for company, either. By way of example, let’s peruse this delightful slice of bigoted accounting, presented to us by one Richard Crisp, who, just so happens to be, a Facebook “friend”: of the hateful humanitarian, Jimmy Frost: 

Even I, the eternal optimist of all things sunny and bright, have to admit that the scenario offered up by Dick Crisp here, is darkly discomfiting. However, since it is a radical proposition being presented as a theoretical reality by an obvious Islamophobe, I’d propose that perhaps some fact-checking should be done first, and as some of you may have already guessed, Dick’s numbers are a tad bit off the mark.

According to the website Statista.com, the typical American male was the progenitor of an average of 1.93 children in the year of 2020, and the rate for his Muslim counterpart? Well, according to Pew Research, that number clocks in at 2,9, and not 9.7, as Crisp’s fever-dream so hysterically declares as fact.

In 2020, the Earth’s total population was estimated to be around 7.753 billion inhabitants, of which, 1.8 billion were classified as being Muslim. In simpler terms, that translates into an average of there being no less than 4.30 persons for every lone Muslim currently residing on the planet. Literally, a 4 to 1 ratio, which if I were a betting man, would make me lay down some serious money on the “Home” team to win…

I for one, don’t fear Muslims, half as much as I do so-called Christian-Americans, because the last time I checked, most of the terrorism in this country, was being undertaken by those waving the Stars and Stripes with one hand, while holding the Bible in the other. And as for Crisp‘s assertion that his fantasy of captured women awaiting the horror of being forcibly impregnated is, and I quote; “real s**t”, I’d totally agree. It is s**t, and so apparently, was the bathtub meth he smoked to form this opinion in the first place.

But try as it might Logic and reality can’t keep a good conspiracy theory down, nor can it make the willingly terrified any less scared than they already are, either. Take for instance, this “warning’, posted by Phil Draper, concerning an unnamed pastor who was supposedly attacked by Muslims, which ostensibly, according to the warped minds of the Alt-Right base, is on the verge of becoming a common occurrence:

So, let me see if I got this right… the partisan party who mixes their politics with faux Christianity, and whose civilian adjuncts want to deport all Muslims, as they attempt to have the fantasy of the Bible taught in schools as if it were long-established Science, is afraid that a bunch of fanatical religious extremists will eventually take over the United States, and by doing so, will become… what, exactly?

Direct competition, perhaps? Because in all of my 53 years walking this big-ass space rock, the only people that have ever sent me death threats or told me that I was going to burn in Hell, have been 100% dyed in the wool of the Lamb, supposed Christians, and nobody else. 

My devout Muslim neighbors on the other hand, have not only complimented my landscaping and Christmas light display every year without fail, but maybe that’s just part of their devious plan to lure me and mine, into a false sense of security before their premeditated cultural coup comes to the zenith of its successful fruition. What clever bastards,

And to think, that their annual gift of home-made Qatayef, was nothing more than their attempt to soften me up for either the eventual kill, or forced conversion. I may never trust another dish of delectable pastries ever again. Still, our good friend Phil isn’t done sounding the alarm about the planned Muslim takeover just yet, and has this vital piece of the puzzle to share with us:

A thought occurred to me immediately after reading this, and I’m sure it may have also crossed your minds as well- why is it, that the people who claim to be the most American of Americans among us, speak and write the language of this country as if they’re cosplaying a drunken Latka Gravas from the 80’s TV show Taxi?To begin Phil, may I note that the correct tense you should have used for your first three contextual errors are, and in order, “their”, “their” yet again, and finally “they’re”, because if you’re going to be calling for us to defend our country from your metaphorically posited threat, you should probably show that you’re actually a fully mentally-functioning citizen of it, first.

As for the rest, not only would it be damn near nigh impossible to constitutionally install any form of Sharia Law within the parameters of the United States, as American Christians have sadly known for years, the assertion that it would happen due to the political machinations of a few carefully placed Muslim politicians, is, quite simply, beyond insane.

It’s bad enough that we have citizenry who are unaware what the laws of this country are, but it’s even worse, when they think that they can toss aside the Rule of Law, predicated on the single fact alone that they just don’t like someone very much, as proven by this gem of purest political insight straight from the horse’s ass that is returning guest, if not the newest Artbitch scratching post, Debra Caldwell:

As always, I won’t speak for you, but I just love it when a brain-dead Conservative plays all their classic hits, don’t you? Opening up with an unhinged rant, transitioning into delusionally desired threats of unconstitutional retribution with well-practiced ease, and finally climaxing with the conservative surefire winner, the unintentional mangling of the English language throughout.

Bravo, maestro! I tip my oversized novelty hat made of corn chips and overflowing with guacamole, in your general direction. Now, you might think Caldwell, can only play the same tune endlessly over and over again, but rest assured, she is imbued with that jazz spirit, and she likes nothing more than to riff on a theme familiar as she adds that special racist touch to an otherwise blandly bigoted mix:

Yup. There’s no way you can be an “American” if you wear the “Rag”, and if you do dare to do so as a legally elected government official, then according to Debra Dumbf**k here, that should be demonstrable grounds for you to be impeached. Sigh… one day, hopefully soon, there’s going to come a time where these racist, bigoted, despairingly ignorant, walking piles of putridness, are going to try and make a pot roast while sitting inside their oven, and only then, will I be able to truly rest.

An Artbitch can dream, I guess.

If I had to offer an educated guess, I’d assume that despite Caldwell’s access to the World Wide Web, its never been directly utilized to engage in any form of credible research. If she truly considers the hijab to be no more than a “rag”, which it most certainly is not, I can only imagine her ill-informed opinion concerning the turbans worn by Sikhs, the Yarmulkes worn by Jews, and of course, the post-digger hats that those Catholic cardinals so proudly sport.

Are they, to be considered as being non-American as well, or is that slur reserved only for the ones who just so happen not to be Caucasian? I’d like to assume that this was a factor that Caldwell never once considered when she scribed her bigoted tripe, but I’m also fairly confident that she wouldn’t have an issue with being called out for it, either.

She, like most of her fellow demagogues of density that inhabit the dark recesses of the Web, are proud of being accurately labeled as racist, unintelligent, and wholly xenophobic, as it’s the only thing that gives their otherwise pathetically empty lives, any actual purpose.

This is not to say however, that Caldwell is a one-trick pony, as she’s also seemingly fond of disseminating hysterically unfounded conspiracy theories as well. Take for instance, this easily debunked post regarding the process of one being sworn in to an elected office:

And when I say “easily debunked”, I mean to say that you can do so (according to Google) in less than one second. A point sixtieth of a second to be more precise, which apparently for Caldwell’s sense of personal responsibility, was far too much time to spend establishing as to whether her already highly=y suspect blog-sourced “news item” was genuine or an obvious falsehood:
And despite Facebook’s fact-checking system informing her that this fiction was straight off a website based in and on satire, as evidenced here…

… two of Caldwell’s clan of confused cucks, still debated about its veracity nonetheless, deciding to do so without doing any research regarding the topic, save for one person, whom I can only assume, spends most of their time making sure that these morons don’t take a bath with a plugged-in coffee maker:

I particularly like how Sheila here, and without any evidence, brushes the factual info aside, arrogantly positing that FB’s “fact-checkers don’t know everything” as a conceptual theorem, while simultaneously proving that she most certainly doesn’t, as a definitive. Classic. Not only can one be sworn in using a copy of the Quran, one can also do so with a copy of MAD Magazine, if one so wished.

Quid me solliciti in regards to this abject stupidity? Not in the slightest, as dumb bitches like this, are literally a dime a dozen within the ranks of the GQP base, and despite her racist ignorance, Caldwell herself, tends to fall into the role of being more of a clueless cog, rather than as a conservative intellectual, as this later word salad strongly underscores:  

Now, I don’t want to make fun of whatever learning incapacity that Caldwell is openly displaying here, but JFC lady, given whatever this mélange of mangled gibberish was intended to convey, I’d make the assertion that you need to get your ass over to Grammarly.com right quick, and attempt to get your spastic s**t together.

If not for your own comfort, or for those unfortunate souls that have to read your inane drivel, then do it for no other reason than to quell my rising concern that you require either hospitalization, or the combined services of a young priest and an old priest, ASAP. As to the validity of your laughably pathetic claim that FB took away your Constitutional rights, Facebook (as well as any other private business) does not, I repeat, DOES NOT, fall under the protective auspices of the First Amendment.

Not now. Not ever. So suck it up, blubbercup.

I’d like to posit the assessment that if half these people spent a quarter of their time doing random acts of Humanity versus tracking down the lunacy that fuels their idiotic paranoia, not only would all forms of Cancer have been cured by now, we’d also as a species, would never have to fear the thought of anyone seriously thinking about a re-boot of “The Last Starfighter” starring Ryan Reynolds, as well.

As I started off this original story-arc addressing the topic of conspiracies and their champions in part one, I’m going to take a slight detour off-path, and highlight a few selectively chosen one from Caldwell, that have stumbled into my line of sight, as of late. Starting us off, we’ll tackle this one, which combines the standard GQP demagogy of anti-abortion sentiment, constitutional minipreparation, and faux Christianity into one vile loaf of White inbred rage:

First off, nothing contained within Caldwell’s post is “unconstitutional” by any stretch of the imagination, second, as a myth “God” can’t and won’t “deal” with anyone, and most importantly, nowhere in the United Sates does there exist a single medical professional engaging in either infanticide, or the proactive murder of “born alive” babies, which for the benefit of Debbie Dips**t here, I have to notate as being the exact same f**king thing.

Nevertheless, I do feel sorry (somewhat) for Caldwell, as I can’t imagine the level of self-delusion required to not only post the following, but to wholly embrace it as well, in full view of the general public:

You know who else presented as an Angel of higher purpose at first, and later turned out to be singularly evil and morally rudderless as f**k? An ex-employee of God’s named Lucifer, but I’m sure that no comparisons could be reasonably drawn between the Prince of Lies, and a thrice-married, whore-mongering serial adulterer, who just so happens to be in tandem, not only a lecherously craven con-man, but a self-admitted sexual assaulter of women, to boot.

And regarding all of his links to traitorous actions and established pedophiles? Well, that’s just the icing on top of this boiled pork sandwich wearing a wig, in my ever so humble opinion. Jesus weeps to be sure, but I’m confident that the underlying reason must be sheer gratitude for such esteemed representation.

I hate to be the one that truly bursts Caldwell’s fragile as a soap bubble optimism that Trump was indeed hand-picked by God himself to serve a specific purpose, because as a devotee of the Truth, I’d fight to be the first to witness that he most certainly does. Unfortunately for Caldwell though, it’s only to be as a walking reminder as to why God felt the need to transcribe the Ten Commandments in the first place.

This opinion of mine, based on nothing more substantial than the compilation of Trump‘s own compiled words, actions, and public displays of his dearth of character, may come as a surprise to Caldwell’s surreal sanguinity, but I’m afraid that I may have to present a far bigger shock to her system with this far more unbelievable revelation that apparently happened quite literally, right under his nose, if not his thankfully short-term housing.

This bombshell, courtesy of the website Bitchute,com, brought inadvertently to my attention by one of its adherents, an individual known as June Meek, is without a doubt, the biggest American scandal that has even been revealed, hands down. Far less ethical than Watergate, twice as sexually shocking than Penisgate, Nipplegate, or Pizzagate combined, and while it lacks the incel load of Comicsgate or come to think of it, any Star Wars Fan-Con for that matter, it most definitely can give all these “gates” a run for their money, as ii may just be, the most beautifully insane set-piece of crafted lunacy, among them:

Indisputably, the comparison twixt the two is most definitely founded upon the fact that much like this steaming anaerobic lagoon, this fecal-laden fantasy stems from nothing less than the constipated bowels of a perceptibly disturbed mind, but this is still a freakishly mesmerizing page-turner, no matter what your level of personal gullibility may fall between.

This story has it all: a worldwide cabal, using a network of underground tunnels as a conduit to sexually traffic their innocent captives, finds themselves, in a delightful twist of serendipitous fate, trapped within those very same tunnels by “soldiers” who after arresting them, make the brilliant command decision to

escort both their former victims and the corpses of their less fortunate brethren to the safety of the outside world, boldly using the FRONT DOORS of one of the most iconically famous buildings in the known world.

Not to mention, there’s the additional delusion of there being not one, but TWO fake White Houses, along with the tantalizing story-arcs of gene decoding, Extraterrestrial bloodlines, “black goo”, whatever the hell that is, and of course, the ever-looming presence of what I can only assume, will eventually be revealed as the danger of AI going rogue. Sure, it’s wackier than Gary Busey on vodka-infused Red Bull, but as long as the Sci-Fi Channel makes it into a limited series, I’m totally cool with it, overall.

Don’t look at me like that. You know damn well that if they ever cast noted science-fiction icon / actor Ron (“Hellboy”) Perlman to play a part, any part, you’d binge-watch it until your eyeballs bled, so don’t lie. Either to me, or more importantly, yourself. But believe it or not, I do know what you’re thinking, and yes, you are 100% right- this account is frothing at the mouth insane, to say the very least.

Nevertheless, let’s play Devil’s Advocate for a moment, and look at the … well, let’s just call them “facts” for the moment, and attempt to analyze this fever-dream logically, if such a thing is possible with a narrative as twisted as this.

So, to recap….  a series of tunnels located under one of the most secure buildings in the world, was actually a super-highway of sorts for child sex-trafficking, unbeknownst to the allegorical fighter of such, and the decision was made by persons still unknown, to wait until he had fully vacated the premises, in order to rescue the unfortunate souls being exploited.

And despite the accumulation of political advantage that the incoming administration could have eternally milked from such a cabal being exposed by going public with the rescue, decided instead, to go full dark concerning it. And yet, they somehow blew the whole operation out of the water, by making the rookie mistake of leaving via the front lawn, rather than utilize the quite extensive tunnel system as the logical alternative.   

Genius, I tell you. Sheer literary genius. If L. Ron Hubbard wasn’t dead already, this I’m sure would have killed him dead on the spot. However, please don’t take my flippant mockery as my ignoring the very disturbing reality that there are quite a number of people out there, who passionately believe in the truth of these matters as being incontestable.

Referencing such, let’s now turn our attention to yet another of our modern society’s irresponsibly ill-informed ilk, who somehow manages to violate an edict of the God he claims to revere, so far beyond its established and expected boundaries, that even I, the avowed agnostic, want to buy the guy who originally transcribe it, a case of top-shelf whiskey to get over the shock of watching his literary baby be taken out to the allegorical woodshed for an unhinged tête-à-tête with a possible madman:

Before I dissect this pile of mental aberration within the microcosm of an ever far more troubled demographic that puts stock in such insanity as Gospel, I would like to state that the majority of Conservatives are not this far gone. Overall, that is.

As to the directive demanded by God of us contained within the earlier referenced biblical passage that is Exodus 20:16, it simply says this: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor”, which, as a rule of thumb, should be easy to follow, even for the most intellectually dimmest scattered among us.

However, “Lowery Porter” (AKA William Pennell) may serve as the test case as to why sometimes, slipping medication into an unaware person’s cup of morning java, might not necessarily be a violation of their constitutional rights, so much as serving the purpose of the greater good, as it were.

In any other context as a professional writer, if a tale of horror such as this had been presented to me that combined elements of “The Devil’s Rain”, “Seven”, “Silence of the Lambs”, “What We Do in the Shadows”, and topped it all off with a touch of John Carpenter’s cult classic, “they Live”, I’d eat my own laptop out of sheer creative jealousy, and be happy to do so. But in concern to this masturbatory fantasy straight from the fevered sickness that passed for Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed’s sense of creativity, I find myself truly at a loss for words.

I for one, can’t even begin to imagine what form of mental illness could envision such sadistic barbarism serving as a vital cornerstone of civilized debate, and because I value what remains pf my inherent sanity, I’m not even going to try. It’s one thing to concoct a political or cultural scandal where no such thing exists, but to craft a truly insane allegorical snuff film theory out of nothing more than one’s failing grasp on the certainty of the world’s rationality, is quite another thing altogether.

As a rule, I consider myself quite the connoisseur of the dark and otherwise unworldly, but when it comes to this odiously perverse pile of schizophrenic paranoia posted by the barely sentient essence of human failure, even I must take a moment of pause to contemplate just where this person’s life went so horribly awry. My guess is starting at birth, but maybe that’s just my inherent sense of cynical horror running it’s mouth yet again.

The only estimate I could offer concerning what may be wrong with this person, most likely would  still fall short of the allegorical goalposts, given my exceedingly limited knowledge regarding ng the clinical sphere wherein diagnosing mental illness takes place, but I’m pf the mindset that if you truly believe that Hillary Clinton was not only dancing around wearing someone else’s face in the style of a Venetian Bauta, but also allowed herself to be filmed doing so, odds are pretty good that your tin-foil tuxedo collection  is huge.

If I didn’t have the proper milieu within my sight, I’d believe that the “Saw” movie franchise had teamed up with the production crew from the “Faces of Death” one, in order to reclaim their collective splatter cinema endowment of “Most Unbelievable S**t You’ve Ever Seen”, and leave it at that. If any of this fairytale were even remotely true, there would be no way any supposed cabal could manage to keep it suppressed, albeit through threats, deaths, or payoffs.

Not only would this be the biggest story ever, it would be so far beyond the pale of all scandals that had come before, it would remain in the public eye for decades to come. And yet, the only person of note so to speak, to have access to this mind-blowing if not devastating information can’t provide a credible link to the evidence that supports it? Weird, that.

Keep in mind, this lunatic can not only vote, spawn, and openly handle sharp stabby things, he’s also legally allowed to own almost unregulated ordinance as well. If that thought alone doesn’t make you want to crawl into a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and never come out again, I seriously don’t know what will. However, the depth of Lowery’s mental obesity is far deeper than the first Initial offering I’ve presented here thus far.

And while I can’t necessarily “top” the unhinged perception presented above, I can at least, give you some additional  insight as to why there will still be a cultural struggle of a sort in relation to ongoing political policies and societal identity, even if we as a nation, manage to cauterize the leadership that inspire and guides these wackadoos. It’s a philosophy best summed up in a singular image:

Granted, Lowery isn’t intelligent enough to be part of the governing board as it stands to my belief that their hiring practices for such would be no less than top-notch, but his qualifications for doing their metaphorical heavy lifting, would be a definitive in securing him steady employment. Take for instance, this stellar example of just how far detached Lowery is from the rational world entire, and pray to whatever mythical deity that you like, that he doesn’t choose to go gun shopping one day:  

Sigh… if there ever comes a day where an alien species does land peacefully on this planet, the thought that my asking them to take me with them when they leave this ever-increasingly screwed-up rock to get away from these f**king loons, may have some serious credence to it.

I’ve said it before, and Odin knows I will be forced to say it again, but I’m fairly confident that the mindset of the interstellar Greys who supposedly abduct humans, considers visits to our planet as an opportunity to practice their intergalactic cow-tipping, rather than a foray into establishing a base for credible scientific research. And when it comes to their infamous acts of utilizing anal probes? Well, that just goes to verify that for at least %10 of us, a good weekend came early.

On the surface, both of Lowery’s assertions are indebtedly, quite insane. Bonkers. Wackadoo. Madder than a Hatter. Nuttier than a ten-dollar pecan pie. And if I were so bold, slightly amusing as well, on a certain level, that is. Let’s not forget, even for the briefest of moments that these ravingly mad assessments are coming from a free-roaming citizen, and not someone who has found themselves locked up in a padded room for the safety, if not the betterment of society at large.

As I noted above; “Keep in mind, this lunatic can not only vote, spawn, and openly handle sharp stabby things, he’s also legally allowed to own almost unregulated ordinance as well.” What, pray tell, would happen of Lowery formed the conclusion that his fellow humans had been “chipped” by Aliens, thereby becoming Transhumans, (It’s a thing now) and decided to go full John Nada about it?

And even worse, they feel that they have the right to do so, literally courtesy pf the one true GodYup. most definitely, Lowery is most certainly, a good lamb of Jesus, humbly spreading the Gospel of the Gunnery, as if he were understudying for Chuck Norris in a re-boot of “Invasion USA”.

Now, if I were of the desire to challenge these delusional dumbf**ks face to face, intellect to non-intellect, mano a mano, and this philosophical debate of course occurring in a gun-free zone, I’d open with the message contained within Matthew 26:52, that being; “Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword.”

For the majority of us, the actually thinking people, this passage translates into a variant of the message to be learned within Hosea 8:7: “For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind: it hath no stalk: the bud shall yield no meal: if so be it yield, the strangers shall swallow it up.”

In other words, and in both cases, it’s quite literally the celestial equivalent of “F**k around and find out”, which to us normies, serves as a warning, but to guntards such as Lowery, it’s interpreted as a challenge to their very existence, Itself. And they’re more than happy to declare the imaginary treat of such, and their intentions to negate this metaphorical tyranny, directly to an ever increasingly fretful public:Nothing to see here, folks- just yet another “patriot”, doing all he can to purge the corrupted straight out of the positions of power that they’ve tyrannically obtained, over the course of the last few decades.

And as you might envisage, it covers all the classic hits: secret cabals, twisted machinations, and as is to be expected, the threat of unfounded violent retribution against imaginary supposed enemies in lieu oi any form of moderated and/or intellectually-supported, debate.

Hilariously, the toxic male posturing is what ultimately sells this temple of testicular tripe. I’d like to point to this cuckold of cravenness, that if her and his assorted mouth-breathing ilk were really as badass as they claim to be, they’d be the headlining act, and not waiting in the back alley in the manner of a desperately groveling groupies.

It has been suggested by many far wiser than I, that we as a whole, should strive to laugh hard at the absurdly evil, and there’s a lot to be said concerning the fear that they exhibit when that power is forcibly taken from said malevolence, using nothing more authoritative than a well-crafted quip or two.

For all of their pustular pomposity in claiming ownership of on unearned throne from which they supposedly and effectively, disseminate ass-whooping night-terrors, the truth of the matter itself, is far less worth the braggadocio that they so consistently post about.

The reason as to why you see such toxic masculine reinforcement toxicity and a fetishtic love for threatening violence being lauded among these insular incels is quite simple, fore as af yet, there’s no such thing as Viaga for ongoing political impotence, but the dual actions of degrading women as they engage in self-pleasuring themselves with gun oil, seems to be doing the trick, as Time marches ever forward.

What I find amusing when looking at this post with fresh eyes as it were, is the pride of their ownership woven throughout, concerning their collective lack of knowledge in regards to the current sociopolitical landscape at large that they have found themselves stumbling through. And density, when combined with a sense of paranoic victimhood, is never a recipe you want to bring to any form of fruition.

However in this case, it’s also ludicrously overconfident as well, given that while there is a certain amount of credibility to Lowery’s assertion that “they” control the mass-media platforms, he then stunningly goes on to list the tools that he feels will help he and his like-minded Patriots to victoriously overcome the shadowy cabal who allegedly control the World entire.

Why is this funny, you ask? Maybe it’s due to my observation that the conduit of use concerning every one of these so-called weapons, save for the mythical “God”, IS ALSO CONTROLLED BY “THEM” AS WELL, so the best of luck circumventing that hedgerow of thorns.

 For if “they” truly don’t want your message of revolution getting out, you’ll soon find yourself along with your allies, sending communiques via smoke signals, and given your disparagement if Native Americans, your odds of finding a familiar linguist open to assisting your cause, will be close to zero, at best.

Keep in mind, that the abominable events of January 6th proved behind a shadow of any doubt that for some of these cosplaying Conservatives, there is no line that they won’t cross, if given the opportunity to do so, and we should take declarations like this seriously, rather than dismiss them as nothing more than idle venting. Especially when they have a long history of posting barely veiled passive-aggressive tripe:As a person who considers himself to be fairly well-grounded within the comforting warmth of that which is proven reality, the cerebral gymnastics required for a previously rational human being to willingly mutate into a hateful and potentially dangerous haranguer, is, quite honestly, beyond the proverbial beach for me.

This isn’t a societally selfless offer of masculine protection, it’s at best, a giant red flag that maybe this particular person  needs to be on a specific list somewhere, That is, if he hasn’t been placed on one already,

Not only do they speciously portray themselves as the, and I will not apologize for this assessment, Great White Hope that will save our allegedly fallen Republic, they’re also under the erroneous assumption that no other group is certifiably tasked with the defense of the country they claim to love, despite hating the majority of their fellow Americans within it.

Nevertheless, they still see enemies everywhere, despite all evidence to the contrary. And as I am a fan pf the rational, I cannot, and will not, grant any oxygen to the hate that these faux patriotic pinheads happily guzzle, as if it were forbidden mead clandestinely acquired from the wine cellars of Odin himself.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a rather uncomfortably large part of my psyche that hopes that somewhere out there in the world, there’s a family of Bigfoot just living their best lives, but until TMZ captures it on tape, I’m just going to keep this theorem of mine to myself, for the time being, unlike the fantasies that Lowery and his fellow f**ktards feel the need to propagate, sans logic or credible proof.

Regardless of what’s going on in the outside world, Lowery, and the other honorary members of his Fearful Fighters Brigade, see the machination of Fascism everywhere, except from inside their own house, where quite truthfully, almost all of the phone calls engineering the infliction of such, have been coming from as of late.

When it gets right down to the brass shells pf the matter, I only want to watch the action-adventure flick “Red Dawn” every now and then, but these jingoistic jackasses? They want tom live it, and every one of them, envisions themselves as Patrick Swayze while doing so:

The imaginary enemies of the moment come and go, but the need to not be considered a dickless wonder by your fellow couch-riding sociopaths, remains strong as ever. Color me curious, but just how exactly, would a guy who just gave the master game plan away to subvert Big Tech, by using Big Tech to disseminate it, overcome a united and heavily fortified coalition invading our shores?

By laying out his battle strategy from inside the air-conditioned War Room of the United Nations HQ, would be my guess. I honestly don’t know if QAnon issues merit badges for Sociopathy to deserving recipients, but if they do, I’d like to nominate Lowery here for going above and beyond the call of duty, even if it’s only so that Homeland Security can hopefully keep an eye on him.

And while this is the sort of badass chest thumping behavior is exactly what you’d expect from conservative men, to their credit, they’re more than willing to shelve their misogyny somewhat, when one of their equally as guntarded gals, wants in on the fun:

What I really do enjoy about this meme however, is that despite its being posted by a woman, our two little ladies of the hoped-for Purge here, are still depicted as being ever so busy in the kitchen baking goodies for their big strong domestic kings, rather than flexing their 2A prerogative, like the men we’ve seen thus far. I could be wrong of course, but when was the last time you saw the female gender depicted such as this, taking no guff from their societally enforced Better Homes and Garden expectations?

Thanks. That’s what I thought too. Now, even given the sociopathic tendencies Whittaker lauds in her presentation of our two Susie Homierakers here, apparently there was still the need for her metaphorical next-door neighbor, to set us straight on just who we really need to keep an eye out for:

Does anyone remember all those anti-vaxxers that quit their jobs over enforced mask mandates? I’m starting tin think that some of them like Mcallister here, found gainful employment as reverse projectors, given how much they cast their accusatory glare at everybody else, save for themselves. Say what you will about Liberals, and Conservatives often do as we’ve seen without any semblance of proof, but it’s pretty rare for me to consistently come across a comment like this, on leftist-themed pages:Without question, this is a repulsive statement to publicly declare, much less stand behind, and it has less to do with the improper use of a period at the end of it, rather than Breeden’s failure in possessing the proper reservoir of Humanity that should have prevented its inception in the first place.

Let us not dismiss this wish for horrific retribution as nothing more than the perverse desires of an obviously warped mind, such as it may be, but focus instead, on the natural culmination of what happens when FOX news, QAnon, and OAN, have a paranoia-fueled threesome, and leaves the resultant uncared-for progeny outside of a Trump rally. If you need any substantiation for my theorem, look no further than this prime example of sociopathic disconnection to all that is reasonable and civilized:In all honesty, I cannot even begin to envision what degree of personal trauma DiFatta was subjected to, that seemingly turned him into a psychopathic fanboy of the very late Vlad Tepes, but holy f**king Jesus on a crutch dude, go seek out some counseling ASAP. before you’re ordered to do so, before an act of legal intervention, turns into one of forced incarceration within a cell wallpapered with bubble wrap.

I don’t know how many n=more times I have to say this, but if you’re openly [posting material that encourages act of barbarism against your fellow humans based on ideological differences, maybe the ongoing series of imaginary problems you’ve deemed the purview of the “Woke” enemy that you’ve allowed free rent within that block of granite you wittily call a head, isn’t the real issue, but the fellowship of the company you prefer instead.

As I’ve noted ad nauseam over the last four years, for people who consistently decry the actions of the so-called “Violent Left”, they do seem to spend a fair amount of time concocting violent revenge fantasies straight out of the Dark Ages, do they not?

And just what crimes, pray tell, would Difatta deem worthy of a death like this? Murder? Rape? Pedophilia? Good candidates all, if he were overseeing a reboot of feudal society, but my as of yet unpunctured by a wooden pole gut, tells me something quite different.

Even if I were to play Devil’s Advocate, I’d still surmise that if DiFatta and his like-minded sociopaths ever found themselves in charge of issuing life or death proclamations, the allegorical field of poles would host a range of supposed enemies ranging from openly gay people, to those who would dare report accurately on the actions of a Mango-tinted individual who DiFatta wishes to see, and that by any means necessary, recoup the reins of power.

Key word being; “recoup”. Need proof yet again? You ask, I provide:

Personally, what I particularly enjoy about this photo from a writer’s point of view, is the look of joyous glee on both the face of the future sandwich artist at Subway, and what I can only assume is her nanna, sharing her life experience regarding just how great America used to be, before them damn darkies and queers ruined everything by being granted the same inherent rights as the rest of us: “I won’t speak for you sweetie, but the thought of murdering people I don’t like, is certainly the best way to make Jesus notice your ol’ Garndmama here… oh wait, did I say “Jesus”? I meant Donald Trump.”

But maybe I’m being too overly critical in concern to DiFatta, for after all, there’s no real evidence that he might be a tad off his rocker or anything like that, based on his posting a singular image alone, am I right? I mean, in order for me to even sell the punchline, I’d need something, hell, anything, that truly suggests that his symbolic screws are ratcheted a thread or two far looser than they should be

Man, no wonder the writers at “The Onion” have started freelancing for NPR: when acquiring the absurd from the ether of what constitutes reality is this easy, what’s the point of attempting to craft the perfect joke for the world entire, when it’s already been done for you? I don’t know if I should thank DiFatta for doing the heavy lifting here, or if I should be enraged for his making me feel like I’m phoning it in.

Probably a little bit of both, in my ever-so-humble opinion.

Nevertheless, it actually does get stranger, because after reading some of the inaner commentary exhibited within DiFatta’s Facebook banner, or after perusing his profile photo, your assuming that he’s just yet another Trump supporting supremacist wackadoo, would be dually right and wrong

In an unforeseen plot twist, when DiFatta self-identifies as a “Nationalist”, he ‘s not doing so in the traditional sense, which is commonly accepted as being either; “an advocate of or believer in nationalism”, or “a member of a political party or group advocating national independence or strong national government”, positions generally regarded these days, as being associated with the White Supremacy movement, which to be quite clear, DiFatta is NOT an ally of, in any way, shape or form.

Here’s where it gets weird though, and the reason why, comes straight from DiFatta himself courtesy of a comment in regards to a photo of Donald Trump’s bought-for star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, being vandalized with a traditional Native American Swastika, rather than the bastardized version created by notorious dictator Adolf Hitler: that perfectly encapsulates Trump’s attempts at a political legacy:

Despite the mangling of the Queen’s English, you did read hat right. DiFatta apparently, identifies as being Native American. This in and of itself, is no big deal, as the beauty of America is that you can follow whatever ideology you please, regardless of color, creed, or caste, but does it strike you as odd, that a self-declared First American would be a devotee of a person who quite literally, represents everything f**ked-up about the one race that most blatantly, stole the land right out from under his forefathers?

No offense intended dude, but if you want to make the Whites suffer for their transgressions of the past, just open a tourist trap on the side of any interstate within the confines of New Mexico, and charge the culturally insensitive morons traveling through from Vermont, seventy-five times the actual production cost of the “Native” items you had manufactured in China, just like every other tribe in the Southwest does.

And while this option may deny you the presence of a Tapioca Tepes who most likely, would want those poles you’re so fond of gold-plated, you’ll at least have the satisfaction of knowing that your casinos are actually going to remain open longer than six months at a time. Granted, you’ll still have the urge every ow and then to create a screaming forest out of us woke do-gooders, but in time, that need will fade as you slowly come back to what us normal folks call rationality:Dammit. Looks like my optimism has reared it’s ever so adorable head yet again, and totally misread the room, as usual. Apparently, Di Fatta has discovered a methodology that’s far more efficient if not pre-approved by the Republicans, in order to make the culling process for implantation that much easier instead. So, in hindsight, I guess I’ll just keep an eye on my local CNN affiliate to see if he eventually does, because mythical Lord knows, they won’t be discussing it on Newsmax if he ever commits to putting his personal wish list into action.

Speaking of unhinged fantasies made flesh, I’d like to now introduce you all, to one Dave Burggraf, who as you can see, would be an absolute shoo-in for being cast as “Comic Book Guy”, if the Simpsons ever decided to go all in, and commit to a live-action feature:

Oops. I’m ever so sorry. That’s actually s picture of said “Comic Book Guy” from The Simpsons, and not Burggraf. In my limited defense however, let me just say that it’ was an honest mistake: here now, is the “real” Burgraf, resplendent in all of his simmering contempt:

Well… he looks friendly as f**k, does he not? On a related tangent, if the CBG acting gig falls through, Burggraf could always make a living (according to Google Image Search) posing for mugshots, as he sort of resembles every one that’s ever taken of a guy with a beard and a bad attitude in regards to society:

Admit it… it is kind of a weird coinkydink, and still funny, no matter who you are. But all jokes aside, just what kind of person does Burggaf present himself as online? Does he fit into the “keep an eye on that guy” parameters that Lowery Porter most certainly does, or is he simply no more than an ill-informed crank comfortably placed within the demographic of those who believe in the veracity of Trump’s honesty?

I guess you’ll just have to decide for yourself, given his bio bucket list

To retort, given Burggraf’s appearance, I’d say the last thing that he truly overcame, was the need to exercise. As to his deflation to “Make your faith greater than your fear”, I’d have to call bullspit, as the entire nucleus of religion. is predicated upon the application of fear throughout Literally, the Bible itself says in Hebrews 12:28, that “Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear”, so good luck with that.

And lastly, I must address his obviously passionate dedication expressed in all-caps, to forcing whomever “took” it, to, and I quote; “GIVE BACK THE RAINBOW”. So, either I have to stop buying Skittles on the off chance that I’m directly funding their efforts at rainbow containment, or I definitely need to pay more attention at the next GLAD meeting I attend. Now overall, none of these opinions cause me much worry, as the first two are really more of a personal choice, and in regards to the last… well, good luck in taking back an icon from a community that for decades, has refused to give us back Cher and Madonna.

But here’s where Burggraf starts getting dark, as it were:Other than the fact that I have no idea what Strickland’s issues with TikTok’s lip-syncing videos are, as like most punch-drunk cage pugilists, he’s deliberately omitted the necessary subtext to provide clarity for his context, I’d call attention to Burggraf’s rather bizarre promoting of the inane submission that self-neutering as a panacea for ending what he considers to be both a social scourge if not a definable threat to the breeding stock of this country, seems a tad bit extreme, when this meathead could just as easily, not watch them in the first place.

But to each his own I guess, even if the own that’s being openly lauded, is seemingly bats**t insane, if not worrisome to the general thinking public at large..

While it may seem that at worst, Burggraf is campaigning to be the next in poster boy for Betas hoping to be taken seriously one-day as Alphas, it would be a pointless endeavor at best, for as is the case with most of his craven conservative contemporaries, deep inside, he knows that such accreditation will never be accorded to him. Hence his need to post delusionally pathetic societal revenge porn straight out of an 80’s A-Team episode:

Yes, the guy who altered a Komatsu D355A bulldozer by adding layers of steel and concrete on top of it to serve as ersatz armor, and then went on a criminal rampage in order to wipe the small town of Granby, Colorado off the proverbial map after losing a civil suit against the city, was “reasonable” in Burggaf’s estimation. During this two-hour hissy fit that culminated with the suicide of the cowardly twat who fomented it, Granby saw several of its downtown businesses completely destroyed, most notably, its City Hall, as well as the home of its former mayor.

Despite someone being in the home at the time, and the fact that this testicle-lacking cuck had installed two rifles in custom-fitted ports, shooting off no less than fifteen rounds at cops, power transformers and propane tanks from inside his mechanized tamper-tantrum, it stands that the only grievous injury suffered by anyone, was the self-inflicted singularity by the lone hand of the hemorrhoid analog that Burggraf feels will be granted some form of respectful homage to, and that, sooner than later.

However, the desire to inflict politically inspired violence against one’s supposed adversaries is nothing new, nor is it strictly the sole province of Right-wing partisanship either. There has been plenty of instances of Leftist inspired terrorism over the years, but when it comes to sheer consistency of production, the Right, in this regard at least, does it far better than any Anarchist group I’ve ever heard of

When you see something like this display, proudly erected outside the Capitol building prior to the January 6th riot inspired by the blatantly false conspiracy theory that the 2020 election was “stolen” from Donald Trump, it should come as no surprise to witness his cultist fan-base, openly posting images like this, on social media months after the non-issue of non-existent voter fraud was succinctly addressed:Comforting, is it not, that the very same people who view reprehensible depictions such as this as no less than the most civil of political debate, are also the ones that feel that they should be the ones in charge of the national direction concerning the ethics of political decorum, if not its procedural laws?

Say what you will about the Left, but at least when we throw a party involving a Pinata, we make sure that it’s filled with non-sentient candy, and not a functioning colon, as a rule of thumb.

The theoretical question of just how the NAZI’s Final Solution the Jewish Question came to pass, is perfectly illustrated here: if you enemy is to ever be eradicated from the progress of your influence, than the necessity to see and sell them as anything but less than human to those slavishly devoted to your movement, is nothing short of crucial.

This strategy is as old as Time itself, and has been utilized in various forms, ranging from the mildest application that eventually created what we now know as April Fool’s Day, to the most extreme, which has led not only to the Hydra that currently markets itself as modern-day Trumpism, but in due course, full -blown Fascism as well, if we allow it to advance past the boundaries it has already eclipsed.

Nevertheless, I could just be crying “Wolf” here, since in all applied logic, it’s quite the leap from expressing the desire to lynch your imaginary enemies online, to actually undertaking such action in direct and openly unabashed, view of the public at large, am I right?

Of course, I am. Thank goodness. Can you imagine just how bad the party directly responsible for inciting such an act of insurrection would feel afterwards? Why, they would be absolutely wracked with guilt, let me tell you. Wracked, I say. Certainly, they would leave no stone unturned in their quest for bringing those directly involved to Justice, all aspect of personal politics aside:

Or…  they could just collectively choose to remain the same brain-dead, non-researching, reality disbelieving, total f**king cultist idiots that we’ve had to put up with for the six years. Either/or. Place your bets, Ladies and Gentlemen, and be warned, because the odds are most definitely with the house regarding this one.

If anything, Trump’s slack-jawed putz parade has only doubled down on its inane sense of being unrighteous victimized since the proverbial chickens have come to roost, and it’s ever so much fun to watch them spin against a tide that they have no definable hope of stopping, irrespective of how much they whine about it on social media:

I won’t speak for you of course, but when faced with such a devastatingly intellectual counter-argument such as the one Radoslovich is laying out here, I’m almost tempted to put Donnie back in the driver’s seat for another attempt at securing his Fascist legacy. Or I would be, if was half as f**kingly delusional as this Conservative guttersnipe presents herself to be.

With no due respect to the foul-mouthed intellectual void I’m lambasting here, thus isn’t a case of “He said / She said”, nor is it a singular eyewitness account of a crime either. This was a mass riot, fomented by a treasonous Mango-tinted seditionist, broadcast worldwide as it happened, by not only the established Media, but in many cases, ironically by the perpetrators of the insurrectional action themselves. .

But yeah… nothing to see here folks, for as this picture clearly shows, this is nothing more than a candid snapshot of a simple  patriotic tourist, going about his daily business, after acquiring a souvenir from what I can only assume, is one of the higher-end gift shops located within the Capitol itself:

As Radoslovich’ noted; ” the hearing is a sham”, which, when we’re presented with her viewpoint, perfectly mirrors her intellect, sense of nationalism, and inherent gift for selectively cherry-picked amnesia, as displayed above. Shockingly, reality doesn’t bend to your will just because you want it to, because if that was the case, Milla Jovovich and I would be living in an open relationship, along with my totally-cool-with-it redheaded GF of 13 years in an artsy warehouse loft complex, located just off the docks, in downtown Manhattan.

If Donald Trump had displayed a third of the physical flexibility that his adherents do mentally, trying to absolve him of his beyond reproach guilt in regards to the events of January 6th, Stormy Daniels would have been the one happily cutting that 130K personal check for that incident of naughty bouncy fun time that they collectively engaged in. However, Radoslovich is not alone in painting a different picture of what really occurred that day and it’s expected consequences, and when I say “painted”, I literally mean it:

What an image. Powerful. Invocative. Heart-wrenching. And in all reality, the very best example of a paint by numbers online art class graduate, using a two-ton pile pf horses**t as their primary medium, that I’ve ever seen. And keep in mind, I’ve been to Art Basel no less than four times. I will say however, that I do find Amber’s illustrative concern for her fellow morons quite touching, even if it is wholly misdirected, undeserved, and blatantly false in its depiction of what Trump’s bloviating base see as a political prisoner.

Granted, while I don’t know much about the modern-day penal system, I’m also equally confident that a suspect being detained in such, isn’t chained up barefoot in leg irons, suffering the cruelest of abuse at the hands of their jailer, finding themselves forced to mark the passage of time by scribing their cell walls with what I can only assume, would be their own repurposed feces, would be a standard day to day policy that current institutes of correction would actively be engaged in. .

However, these poor victims of their own self-delusion do get to keep some semblance of personal pride, thanks to their captors graciously allowing them to retain ownership of the Chinese-made Trump hats that serve as an icon of remembrance concerning the ideology that put them in that Dungeon of Democracy in the first place, so it’s not like their undeserved stay at Club Fed ought to be considered a total washout, now, should it?

In the end, the main feeling that resonates within me when I gaze upon this piece of NASCAR Gift Shop designer art made pixels, is best described by the word “steadfast”. Despite all that he has inflicted upon them, their friends, their family, and the country they supposedly love, while concurrently hating almost everyone who resides within it alongside them, these yak-brained yokels still swear allegiance to the one man who said he would save them, then left them to rot, when they could no longer feed his ego 24/7.

And in a refreshing change of pace, for once, I’m not talking about God. Well, at least the traditional one from the Bible anyway, who as of late, has found himself swapped out for a Mango-tinted *עֵגֶּל הַזָהָב ‘ēggel hazāhāv for no other reason than the fact that said pork-pie with a toupee, makes them feel far more relevant than they really are, or will ever be considered again, in the near (or far-reaching) future.
*[“Golden calf” in Hebrew]

Nevertheless, for a guy who claims to “love” his people so much, he’s been curiously quite in regards to assisting their collective effort to make bond and get out of jail. But in his limited defense, he’s been very busy ducking subpoenas, whipping up frenzy concerning his Big Lie, and contemplating new schemes of grift, to really give a rat’s ass about those he led to ruin.

However, such wry observations are moot in the Age of Apostolic Trump Deism, as evidenced by noted conservative token Candy-ass Owens, whose willingness to please her allegorical Massas, almost single-handedly has made Samuel L Jackson’s depiction of Stephen Warren, the head house slave for the villainous Calvin Candie in the movie “Django Unchained”, appear as if he were channeling Richard Roundtree in “Shaft” for inspiration.

And no, I will not be apologizing for that comparison, especially after reading this asinine post of hers:  

So, my modern-day Stephanie Fetchit, it’s the “Left” that’s in a cult?

Well, that would explain why we‘re always sporting those Chinese-made Obama hats, festooning our diesel-fume-belching trucks with various Biden signs and bumper stickers, ,attending all those post-election Nuremberg-themed Clinton rallies, and let’s nit let us forget, even for a moment, that sixth day in January where we en masse, stormed the Capitol in a desperate and failed attempt to get Al Gore installed as the “legitimate” President.

Jesus Christ Candy-ass, I know you’re really into fellating the boots of your contemporary colonizers, but if you take anything further down your already overworked throat, you’ll be able to give a spit-shine just by slightly constricting your larynx. I’ve seen (and heard) some brain-dead political takes out of this here indentured Republican House-girl here, but this one may just take the cake.

How, pray tell, are “we” the ones in a cult?

I don’t recall us doing any of the above once our election run was over, I honestly don’t have a recollection of us forgiving treason, adultery, alleged pedophilia, and self-admitted sexual assault by using the rationalization that our guy “wasn’t a politician”, and I most definitely cannot, for the life of me, vaulting a racist, misogynistic, lech into higher office on the sole reason that they were as lacking in moral character as I am when presented with an opportunity to score some free Ding Dongs.

For instance, this is how we presented our still highly-respected candidate to the world entire:

Thoughtful. Humble. Intelligent. And most importantly, dignified. Possessing a steadfast and steely resolve to get the hob done, regardless of the effort involved to traverse the difficult road ahead. A depiction that for the most part, a grave responsibility he willingly and solemnly, shouldered for the eight years he so dutifully served,

But your guy?  Honestly, If I were ever forced to be diplomatic, bordering on the charitable in concern to your mentally obese Alt-Right White Knight, I’d wryly suggest that the only thing dignified about your mango Mussolini, is that at least in this case, he isn’t portrayed here leering over a 14-year-old:

Regardless of what you may think of this fever-dream, after a while, this art does start to come off as less than propaganda, and more akin to a branding campaign for discount political Viagra. I cannot ever recollect seeing a piece of partisanship that screamed “Small Dick Energy” half as much as this one so brazenly does, save for this laughably regrettable one from my childhood:

To be fair, Herr Twittler does pull the tank motif off far better than Dukakis ever could have, but that’s really more based on the fact that due to his status as an example of a living caricature, it easily checks all the boxes required by his slavishly stupid fan-base requires for their limited intellectual capacity to be salved.

Let’s recap the iconography here: Is there a tank, symbolizing America’s military strength, even if Cadet Bone Spurs here, did pay his way out of serving his country when asked to? Check. Are there fireworks going off randomly in the background, as a way to represent the patriotism of the man who openly bartered his business loyalty to China, and his personal allegiance to Russia? Check.

Is Trump, the self-declared ”Man of the People” depicted wearing an outfit 90% of his aficionadas don’t own? Check.Are there, fluttering in the patriotic wake left behind him, free-flying notes of currency, signifying that he has cash to burn, as most of it used to belong to his perpetually fleeced supporters? Check.

Is he standing in front of a ridiculously oversized American flag so that we can be reminded despite all evidence to the contrary, that he works for us, and not Putin? Check.  Is there an automatic assault rifle depicted as well, in order to certify that he’s president who really believes in the 2A, despite banning all such weapons at his rallies and public appearances out of fear for his own safety? Check.

And lastly, is there an American Bald eagle leading the charge, even though one of its fellows  once gloriously tried to take off Trump’s face during a commercial shoot?

Check to the motherf**king hells yeah. I’m not gonna lie here, but it’s so nice to see Donnie cringe, in lieu of deliberately creating it for once. I’m mt sure why said American icon went after the worst one this country has ever produced, but I’d bet solid Benjamins that as a known scavenger, it probably mistook Trump’s hair for a dead marmoset, and figured it was a good time to break for lunch.

But this frivolity aside, if you need any proof that the Candy-ass kettle calling the pot black is hilariously hypocritical, just check out this ever so normal posting, detailing just how so-not-in-a-cult his sycophantic base of boneheads really aren’t:

I may be somewhat off-base here, but if Jesus were to appoint a champion on Earth, I’d like to think that he’d have a much better set of candidates to option, rather than choose a man who treats the Ten Commandments in the same way that he treats his family, friends, and country. And as for his expected servitude, a man who has spent his entire life surrounded by those who jump at his beck and call, sure isn’t going to be willing to act as one himself, anytime soon.

I can see that you may still be wavering on this point. Well, there’s this delusional fantasy to consider, wherein one overly optimistic Trumpite by the mane of Daisy Chey posits a vision of a modern-day Camelot, minus the charm, the class, and the presence of the physical attractiveness that set the Kennedys apart, long before the Trump clan was even a consideration in regards to such:Other than the reality this horror show is not how political dynasties are actually established, what are the odds that any of these ethically challenged gene pool rejects, could go the full distance? Trump himself, could only manage a personal best of 1-0, Ivanka always sounds like she’s asking a question even when she’s being dead silent, and Don Jr. would probably be caught raiding the evidence closets of the DEA the first moment he got a chance.

And when it comes to Eric… well, it’s probably not a very good idea to give the nuclear codes to someone who looks as if his DNA was test-run through Gary Busey’s colon first.  And as for Baron’s eventual ascendence, I’ll just say that since I can’t recall ever seeing him with his alleged dad at any point during the run of Trump’s failed presidency, I’m going to assume that he was actually no more than a prop on loan from the very same studio that once considered Donnie a bankable entertainment asset.

if you haven’t figured it out by now, fantastical role=playing and the unquestioning acceptance of such, is a key component to the faux mythos surrounding all things Trumpian, and nowhere is this more self-evident than in just how the world’s angriest Creamsicle is marketed to his defectively American public, irrespective of his widely known flaws of personal character.

In Trumpland, Donnie isn’t ever depicted as what he truly is; that being morbidly obese, cowardly, and dumber than a bag of drunken rocks- instead he’s portrayed as the sole possessor of admirable qualities that he has not, and quite perceptibly, has never had to begin with  

Allusions abound, such as his being a man of Virtue, even though he cheats on his wife and lusts after his own daughter, or being lauded as displaying Bravery, despite it only making an appearance when he’s behind either a podium or a social media account, far removed from the sight of his intended target, and when it comes to his track record for personal Loyalty… WAHAHA WAHAHA WAHAHA WAHAHA WAHAHA WAHAHA!!!!

Sorry, that made me almost cough up my kidneys, given how that word and he have never been in the same room, much less on the same planet. However, my favorite non-entity out of the seething vile pile, just may be his self-declared assertion of being both devastatingly handsome, if not irresistibly charismatic to a fault. And I do mean “fault”, because if you recall, this is what he actually looks like:
It’s ’truly shocking I tell you, that some people would ever openly suggest that this virile hunk of mentally languid lard-cake, has had to pay women in the past to either f**k him, or keep their mouths shut in open court, isn’t it? A Mystery for the Ages, as the scholars on the Hitler Channel are fond of saying. But such realities are nothing but an irritating trifle to the denizens of Trumplevania, who see their Mango Mussolini as nothing short of matinee idol heroic:

Maybe it’s just me, but wouldn’t you as well, pay good money to watch a movie where this larded candy-ass tries to squeeze his morbidly obese bulk into an aircraft designed for actual people?

Not to mention, think of all the scenes where, after watching nervously as he taxis down the runway, his long-suffering ex-mistress / current wife / adultery excuse / photo-op prop, finds herself emotionally crushed later on in the film, when it’s tragically revealed that the plane he was sitting in, being far too heavy to take off successfully, thereby ensures she’ll eventually see him return safely.

Color me curious, but since the only thing I’ve ever seen that eternally squinting mug of hers do is balefully glare at her boiled ham of a husband, the opportunity to see if she can safely cry without melting, is really an intellectual itch I’d like to get scratched. But to be fair, there are some in Trump’s fan base who see him not as an ersatz Stalinist strongman, but instead, view him as a true statesman, cast of the same virtuous American steel as Abraham Lincoln himself:

I don’t know what’s the most ludicrous aspect of Trump that’s being depicted here- is it his so-called love for the American value he does not possess, the inclusion of personal photos of the parents he never talks about, implying a strong family loyalty which he has never displayed, or the inanity of seeing him engaged in an activity that would necessitate inherent talent, if not an appreciation for the aesthetically ethereal, which, given the fact his personal decorating taste appears inspired by the inside o Liberace’s colon, makes this take on hos alleged character, that more farcical.

And as to the obvious incongruity of Trump’s temperament being portrayed here as one of calming introspection, I won’t even begin to debate the amount of chutzpah it must have taken for the painter of this tripe-laden tragedy to portray Herr Twitler as possessing such, but I will admit being impressed by it, nonetheless. In addition, let’s also toss some kudos his way for not only successfully reducing Trump’s standard Oompa-Loompa skin tone, but managing to somehow, minimize his Jabba the Hutt gut as well.

Seriously. Nice work, Michelangelo. I honestly do hope however, that you were prescient enough to ensure that you were paid up-front first. And in cash, no less. Now, to the casual viewer observing this narcissiic nattering from outside the boundaries of Trumpland, all of this should seem quite insane, and they would be completely spot-on regarding this acerbic assessment.

But to the resident denizens of said twat land who wish to govern over all with malevolent malice, Trump is the end-all be-all for that which is to be followed, if not slavishly worshiped:

As perfectly illustrated by the example above, your average Trump fan is less a functioning human being and more akin to what would happen if a racist urinal cake was given the barest of sentience, as well as unfettered internet access. Naturally, I just had to respond to this mentally-challenged mash note, and choosing to do so, with my stereotypical kindness and sense of decorum:

See? It’s quite possible for me to be friendly- all I have to do is concentrate. But this is what we as a country are up against- a mass of moronic slack jaws, who’s mental acuity is centered solely on eternally surrendering themselves to the petulant ire of the world’s angriest jar of discount Tang drink mix.

Not only are they ready to sacrifice all for a man who wouldn’t condescend to spit on them if they were on fire, as proven by the irreversibly damaging example of January Sixth, they’re equally willing as well, to allegedly rise up and in their oft-repeated words; “Take America Back’.

Now from whom, is still the operative question to be answered, but fortunately for this crew of cravens, the answer seems to be everyone whose lips aren’t super-glued to Trump’s porcine ass, as well as a cabal of imaginary enemies, ranging from Antifa assassins, to the ever-popular boogeyman, the NWO, AKA; the New World Order. And if that doesn’t fuel the fire, combine one lunacy-inspired theorem from Conspiracy Column A, and one from Conspiracy Column B, and run with it:

What our friend Jimmy here is referring to, is the Corona-virus-inspired purchase of body bags in anticipation of future outbreaks, or what Jimmy would call “a plot to kill us all”. Other than the stereotypical conservative method of only telling half the story, Jimmy also neglects to mention just who he and his fellow faux patriots would be taking on with their mail-order ammo and camo, that being, the US Government.

And just in case that visualization wasn’t enough to make you laugh given the absurdity of your average Trumpite successfully fighting an enemy that can quite literally, fly a missile down your fireplace, keep in mind this is the hardened warrior that told us all to clean our weapons and “fix bayonets” for the battle to come:
If I saw this advancing towards me across the manicured suburban lawns of combat, I would do one of two things: either, I’d throw a box of pork rinds at him as a distra5tipon maneuver, as i casually sauntered away, or if I wanted to induce fatality, I’d just slowly ascend a flight of stairs, and watch him suffer a coronary as he attempts to scale them at a running pace. And lest you think sort of delusion is new only to the inclusion of Trump’s influence, check out this post from five years ago:

To be certain, this is just what we’ve come to expect from the party of irrational inanity, but even so, there’s still a new twist to be found within this gem of a mental meltdown. Sure, there’s the list of unsupportable demands, the mangling of the Queen’s English, if not the King’s grammar, but what I really enjoy about this, is where jerry calls for his fellow patriots to be, and I quote: “BE REOPENED AND REINVESTIGATED”, which quite honestly, sounds somewhat uncomfortable, if not personally invasive.

All jokes aside, I am aware that Sellers was most certainly referring to the legal cases enacted against these people, but it still showcases his need to be considered relevant to the national discussion, even if said debate, only takes place inside his own head  Because if you do, the consequences could be far more “sever” than you could ever realize. And just how, you may ask, does the Conservative movement think that these allegorical consequences should be delivered?

Well, our old pal Jimmy Frost, has the answer:Tell me again, if you would, just exactly why we consider these people to be no less than sociopaths sprinkled with just a dash of domestic terrorism? Because honestly, it remains a mystery to me. So according to Jimmy whom I’ll refer to here as the “big guy” because despite its accuracy, “lard-ass” seems rude, thinks that maybe one day, it’ll be the” little guy” who, eventually takes out both the “elitists” and their “tricks”, whatever the f’k that means.

Correct me if I’m wrong here, but as the definition of “Elitist” is designated as being; “a person who believes that a society or system should be led by an elite”, doesn’t that mean that his continuing support of Donald Trump, a supposed billionaire, a socialite, and a former president, makes him by proxy, an interconnected elitist himself? I generally don’t offer advice to someone this intellectually dense, but you just might want to distance yourself from this particular aspect of the End Days.

However, I could still see some of you believing against hope that at its worst, all of this is just more bluster from the buffoon brigade, and if it were any other time period than the one we’re currently living through now, I might even agree. But that optimism tends to fall apart whenever I see something like this:

Yup. That’s a depiction of our current president, hogtied in the back of a truck, being proudly displayed for all to see, and in broad daylight, no less. I have to admit, this newest crop of cultural demagogues, is most definitely not shy about expressing their sickest impulses, as they decry the imaginary ones of the specific people that they choose to dislike, in order to feel “more than” what they actually are, which is pathetic:

Tell me again, if you would, just exactly why we consider these people to be no less than sociopaths sprinkled with just a dash of domestic terrorism? Because honestly, it remains a mystery to me. Oh wait- I believe I asked that question already, but unlike the last time I did, the answer is now well within reach.

The simplest one that comes to mind, is this: while they’re not part of an officially recognized cult that posits violence as the ultimate solution to the issues that they conceive within the sewer that is their movement, they sure as hell play one out in the public. Oh, who in the f’k am I kidding? They’re not only in a cult, but one that’s actively recruiting using the time-tested “Fear of the Other” tactic that I covered earlier. within this screed

Now, when I look upon this person, I don’t perceive what I would normally consider to be a credible threat- if anything, I’d disparage him as yet another brainless yokel with a jingoistic streak, and a need for a best friend, if only to tell him that he looks like a low-end 4th of July parade float that was modeled after the fashion sense of Vanilla Ice:

While this entire ensemble is in and of itself, quite the fodder for overall mockery, it’s also a solid indicator of just how far removed from actual Reality that these Trumpian Troglodyte have willingly fallen, in order to garner the approval of a person who at best, considers them to be no more that useful idiots to be discarded as soon as their usefulness expires in relation to that singular task.

This theorem of mine, proven beyond reproach after the events of January sixth, where his base catches the metaphorical bullets meant for him, and this fervor of unwavering faith, is what truly lubricates the Trump juggernaut.

Warm bodies and their disposable souls go in, disturbingly devoted Republican Replicants come out, armed with new marching orders. And those orders, not only include the dissemination of conspiracy theories, but threats, both veiled and direct as well, along with untenable demands upon society for cultural assessments not based within any realm of that which can be solidly verified. But even with the events of January sixth still burning into the social conscience, do we really need to be concerned about these mentally menial morons? You tell me:Oh boy. We may be forced to pull an all-nighter regarding this one, methinks. But once again, I’m sure that this isn’t a commonality to be found within the wilds of the Internet, right? I mean after all, how many unhinged lunatics with both web access and a gun fetish could there possibly be?

Ok… but even so, I’m 100% certain that from an overall perspective, guns in the hands of the politically unhinged cannot conceivably, be that big of an issue. Because in essence, these people are all true-blue patriots. Misguided to be sure, but Americans still, full of nothing but love and respect for their fellow…Um… this might seem somewhat disturbing to be sure, but isn’t it sort of reassuring to see a woman enjoying the same things that a guy does and at the same level of intensity? Of course, it is. I just need to look on the positive side of things. In fact, here’s another dynamite gal just back from her cosplay event:

Holy f’k. Are there any people left in the Republican camp that aren’t goddamn insane? Seriously. Isn’t there at least one brave soul, who still believes in the necessity of gun laws, as a rule? Oh wait, here’s one, thank the allegorical maker above. For a second there, I thought it was going to be another guntard…

…and apparently, my initial hunch was correct. To be fair, Nguyen here is a repeat offender for this sort of declaration, so this posting isn’t so much a shock, as it is a vital reminder that it would probably be best as his neighbor, not to forget to return his lawn mower spotlessly clean and with a full tank of gas, when you’re done borrowing it.

Nevertheless, this outcropping of sheer lunacy is arguably derived from political differences, so I guess we’ll have to take that into account, if only to hopefully view the situation at hand with an objective eye. After all, it’s not like anyone’s just walking around looking for a fight over the long-overdue advancement of the cultural understanding of what American minorities go through. That would be just crazy.

One day, and that hopefully in the very near future, I’m going to start listening to the voice of my inner cynic, instead of just consistently drowning it out via the melodies Zen that is the ABBA Gold CD, playing on repeat. However, I’m not completely jaded yet, as here in New Mexico, a very Blue state, there’s always the option of our political candidates who are running for office, picking up the gun control baton, and…

Will the last person out, please turn off the lights, because the Republic is doomed, if cartridge-fellating c**ts like this who are vying for office, ever get in.. Even worse, is the number of people who actually believe that Bedonie’s displaying a rifle, isn’t an obvious ploy to acquire favor among morons who despite fearing the government, still want “their” politicians to be able to open carry in our legislative house

I can personally assure you all, that despite her last name being “Tornado”, Lucia here, couldn’t blow out a match without depleting the crucial oxygen reserve that keeps her head inflated, and that’s probably a godsend, given the fact that I firmly believe she could mortally injure herself, in the attempt to make toast.

Thankfully, we’ve come to the last two individuasl on my list of persons I’ll be discussing today, and for the good of the community I feel, should not only be on a watchlist somewhere, but concurrently, should also be denied the right to unencumbered gun ownership as well. Why do I openly suggest this, you ask?

Let’s just call it a hunch, and leave it at that:

To quote Dr. Bruce Banner in Marvel’s The Avengers; “Well … this all seems horrible.” 

Let’s take an overview, if we may. Two entirely different people. Two entirely different upbringings. And yet, thanks to the influence of Trump, the GQP, Right-wing Media, and gun culture itself, we now have two possible future cautionary tales freely walking among us, openly threatening supposed enemies, promising retribution for acts allegedly inflicted upon them, and in Trujilo’s case, claiming that they can single handedly, defeat up to 2K foes, which I have to point out, is overly optimistic at best.

And as to his posting that he’s looking for an excuse to; ”pull out and unload on you”? Yeah, that just screams responsible gun owner, does it not? Now, this is not to say that there will ever come a day where either one of these two emotional castrati finally act upon their publicly stated impulses, but I definitely don’t want to be in the local vicinity, if and when they do.

The truly terrifying aspect of all of this however, is the reality that until one of the conservative choads featured within this screed actually does act out, not a single thing can be legally done. Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Expression, and all that happy jazz. And they know it, hence the strutting, the posturing, and the elevating of the implied threats.

After all, they did gleefully watch as “their” President abused his office to impend due justice, engage in selfish profiteering, slander and degrade his enemies, both real and supposed for four years without suffering any form of notable consequence, so in the end, why should it surprise anyone that they themselves, regularly say such things with arrogant impunity?

Once again, January Sixth serves as the test kitchen for this theory, and it applies to both sides. If Trump and his treasonous lackeys are allowed to escape the metaphorical noose that in a just society, would be awaiting the weight of them all, the next attempt at insurrection this Cult of the Ego launches, will be far worse- both in its scope, if not its body count.

But there is also a downside to the Democrat’s winning their justified case against these said modern-day Confederates, and it is this: even if Justice does rule on the right side of History as it should, these cultists will still want to respond with outrage, for at this point, the majority are seemingly too far gone to salvage.

The ideological divide that already exists twixt Reality and the GQP faithful, will only get wider and deeper as Time goes on, and the Libs will be most certainly, far too busy trying to make nice-nice to see the obvious danger coming straight at them. If the GQP were a horse, I’d render it into glue sticks. If it were a car, I’d sell it for scrap. If it were a stripper, I’d make certain that the only shift it worked, would be on a Tuesday afternoon, between 1pm and 4:30.

And it doesn’t get any harsher than that.

These liberty-absconding loons are just waiting in the wings, anticipating their clarion call to go forth and lay waste to all that’s been established, and pervert all that will come in its stead. Count on it. For every example I’ve displayed within this latest piece of my literary meandering, there’s scores more who for one reason or another, didn’t make the cut. And knowing that, scares me half to death.

But just for the sake of rational argument, let’s just say I’m wrong about all that I’ve opined. It could happen. I have been wrong before, as have many of you. For instance, I once joked that there would never be a Nickelback song that I would ever like, much less download, and then one fateful day, “Burn It To The Ground” came on over the radio, and a perfectly good theorem was shattered forever.

And as an aside, their cover version of “Devil went down to Georgia”, is also pretty goddamn shreddingly amazing, as well too. Just saying. So, there is a valid ghost of a chance that I could just be blowing the words and deeds of a few lone conservative cuckoos far past the boundaries of what actually is, rather than what I perceive it to be.

After all, accurate perception is key to truly unbiased understanding of a situation, and it’s not like I’ve been given a clear sign from someone who claims to be a Patriot, with a definitive plan to make America great again:

Sigh…as I said earlier; “Will the last person out, please turn off the light, because the Republic is doomed”. Or it will be, if we don’t et our collective s**t together, and that, right quick.

Woof. It’s now 12:15AM out here in the wilds of New Mexico, and I’m both tired and somewhat depressed, so I’ll wrap this up for now. And when I come back, I’ll be tackling the one issue that nobody ever gets really upset about, by asking the simple non inciting question that all of us at one point in our lives, have surely asked:

“Is there a “God”? And if so, why is so bad at the singular job he Himself created for Himself?”

“It is not the monsters we should be afraid of; it is the people that don’t recognize the same monsters inside of themself.” – Shannon L. Alder

 

 

 

 


Conspiracy Drearies Pt. 2 (Transpotting)

“Fear of the unknown and the other is the root of almost all hate. It is born of ignorance and fed by those who would keep us divided.” – Tinnekke Bebout

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

Is there anything better than finding yourself in that special pace that serves as your office away from the office, as you write between taking bites of a green chile bacon cheeseburger, as Mungo Jerry’s “In the Summertime” plays in the background? I say no. Good food, good vibes, and the occasional perk of having my Coca-Cola tab picked up by the house.

Overall, Life is better than average, if not fully carbonated.

Sure, I may have to undergo a surgical procedure straight out of Goldfinger, to fix the aneurysm issue I currently have going on in both of my eyes, but that’s just the way the dice tends to roll when you’re in your 50’s, is it not? If all goes well, I’ll soon have eyeballs of a twenty-year old, providing my team of highly trained black-market surgeons manages to get said eyeballs across the Mexican border without being caught.

Fingers crossed.

There’s an old maxim that goes; “That which is made, cannot be unmade. That which is done, cannot be undone”, and when I was younger, this sagacity underpinned my perception of just how the inner mechanics pf the Universe itself, worked. That is, I was convinced in the solidarity of the material, be it cultural, societal, or spiritual. As has just been established, not only was I quite naïve, I was also wildly optimistic in tandem as well.

At the time, I was a disciple of the theorem that nothing, regardless of what form it once possessed, was ever truly gone. I don’t believe in the constructs of Heaven and Hell, per se’, but I do ascribe to the principle that in the end, you’ll find yourself wherever your decisions placed you. For some of us, that destination will turn out to be an inferno that plays “Highlander 2” on a 24/7 loop for eternity, and for others, hopefully such as myself, our perpetuity will be spent on an island made out of Ding Dongs, where all the women look like this:

What can I say? I’m a sucker for chicks who kill zombies while looking absolutely fantastic.

All wishful thinking aside, I in my naivete, once professed a faith that when it came right down to it, people would do the right thing, and for the right reasons. However, that sanguinity has taken quite the hit over the last few years, and I can honestly say that despite the new coat of paint I slap on every few months pr so, the rust is still bubbling up. These days, while I may admit to liking Humanity as a general rule, I find most people to be a supreme disappointment overall.

If anything, I tend to look at the majority of people walking this giant ball of f**ked up space-dust and granite as living under a code that I’ve come to refer to as “The Rule of Plissken”. And what is that, you wonder?

In a nutshell, my premise is drawn from the actions of the titular anti-hero depicted in John Carpenter’s iconic film “Escape from New York”, wherein former Special Forces operator and decorated war hero of World War III, S.D. “Snake” Plissken, finds himself tasked (against his will) to rescue the American president from inside the high-security prison that once was the island of Manhattan.  If you have no idea what I’m talking about, and haven’t seen it, go stream it now, if only to see Adrienne Barbeau at her bangin’ best.

Ok. So I’ve got a type. Feel free to sue me.

At its core, the Rule of Plissken dictates that, while the right thing will always be done, the impetus for doing so, will be begrudging at best, with an eye kept out for the advantages to oneself for accomplishing the task at hand. Two examples of this, are when Snake saves Brain and Maggie, despite Brain’s betrayal, because he needs Brain’s map of the landmines on the exit bridge, and saves the President, only because he needs to save himself,

In the end, Snake is no humanitarian, a fact revealed to all of us, when he [SPOILERS!!!] swaps out the cassette tape that the President requires in order to promote peace between the nations of the world. If you think I’m being a tad bot harsh here, you may be right. As a cynic, I tend to see things in classic black & white, but there is an advantage to doing so, as I’m either always being proven right, or finding myself pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

In essence, I’m almost always in balance, unlike many of the situations and people I write about. Am I championing the concept that people are either intently good or evil? Not by a long shot. Despite the ease of labeling a spade a spade, people are not so easily classified.  

What I am saying however, is that either state of being is based solely on one’s unique perspective, experience, and the needs of the individual at the time a decision has to be made, regardless of duress or comfort. Conclusions to the legitimacy or the wickedness of an action, are as varied as the actions themselves, and just as debatable.

Eye of the beholder, and all that jazz. As the saying goes, “Perception is key”, and nowhere does there exist a better proof of concept for this assertion than the internet, where one can literally gorge themselves on the acuity of those unknown to them. I’ve beaten this dead horse before, but no matter how many time I do, it still stubbornly reanimates, as if it were Jesus at a potluck.

So, in the spirit of my last screed, I will hopefully be picking up the threads of conspiracy that the GQP has woven into a truckload of bats**t crazy area rugs, and attempt to feed them all to a cadre of overly hungry Tineola bisselliellain, in an ongoing attempt to put some sanity back into the national interior decorating discussion, where it is so desperately needed.

However, before I do that, I’d like to address some other things that have crossed my point of view as of late, and if I can’t get us reservations on the conspiracy carousel, rest assured, I’ll get us all the best of seats the next time round.

American novelist, Nathaniel Hawthorne, long before the days of instant communication was even a consideration, noted that; “Words- so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them”, and if that didn’t foreshadow what the promise of the Web has devolved into, I don’t know what does.

Interchangeably Angel and Demon, the internet has swapped out yesterday’s beer halls and coffeeshops as the public platform for launching ideas and beliefs both inspiring and insipid, and in doing so, has forever changed the perceptions and boundaries of what was once truly civil speech, replacing it instead, with a far less palatable concoction steeped in hate, fear, and rampant misinformation.

Take for instance, this lovely example of such, as posted by one of the world’s angriest Istiophoridae:
Other than the fact that this asinine statement has more tin-foil wrapped around it than Marjorie Taylor Greene at a MAGA rally, it’s also reminiscent of a greatest hits album specifically designed for, as well as by, absolute morons. Sure all the familiarly catchy songs are featured, but there’s a new tune in thrown in, if only to give the false impression that somebody worked really hard to get this 5th rate mix-tape together.

Let’s look at the playlist, shall we? While there’s the standard hooks we’ve come to expect, such as paranoia, Islamophobia and as always, abortion and White genocide, there’s not only the truly original lick of openly complaining about being unable to own bombs, [because I guess you could before?] but claiming outright that LIBERALS are, and I swear to God, this actually hurt my brain when I read it, allied AGAINST legal Marijuana, as well.

Yup. I can’t even begin to tell you all how refreshing it was to see, Sean Hannity, Lauren Boebert, and Jim Jordan all bravely come forward to decry the medical opiate industry, and tout the benefits of scheduling a regular quickie with Mary Jane. Truly, an inspiring moment in our country’s esteemed history, was it not?

However, we cannot even for a second, overlook the GQP’s newest red-meat-dog-whistle, that being the invented out of ether conservative concerns about the in-process “demasculation” of modern men, expressed here once again by a troll whose best idea for a fake profile name, was to combine a fish with his favorite substitute for his lack of penii power:

They are? Well, that definitely explains the uptick in bookstores, cupcake shops, and slathered in butter clones of Channing Tatum that I’ve witnessed just walking around shirtless. Thank mythical God. For a second there, I thought it was just me who had successfully connected the dots. 

Strangely however, these incels for all their fear of women just living their lives without their input, are also seemingly calm with same said uppity females having unlimited access to guns. Now, I won’t speak for you, but if there was a specific group of people that I was convinced were trying to take over the world, I’d be far less chill about giving them the tools to do so. Just saying.

And yet somehow, despite this nod to equality in firepower, there’s still an overall tone of condescending misogynistic creepiness to be found within this societal concession, because when it gets right down to it, these wannabe warriors still think they’re the ones that set the bar for women to limbo under:
For once, this guy is actually right. And the best way to prove that Feminism has no place in the debate regarding the 2nd Amendment, is to denigrate women to being nothing more than a short descriptive of the body parts that men like Rael, seem to think define just what a woman is.

I’d also like to call attention to the fact that “back in the day” of the Founding Father portrayed, women couldn’t vote, own property, sign contracts, bring legal suits, hold any governmental position, had no political representation, and if they earned a wage, the money was legally the property of their husbands, as were they. And when it came to women’s 2nd Amendment rights…

The issue of women owning guns was societally viewed in the same regard as was teaching them how to read- that is, while there weren’t any specific decrees forbidding it, and there could be some benefit to doing so, the need for such wasn’t considered as imperative, since the assumption that women lacked the ability to defend health and home wasn’t in their nature. But other than that annoying factoid which sinks his assessment entire, Rael is on the right track… to be run over by actual History, that is..

Shocking that such a thoughtfully intelligent guy who looks like this…

[photo credit: Rogel Rael]

… doesn’t know the first f**king thing about women’s role in American history, huh? However, in his very limited defense, it’s not like Rael has a lot of alleged experience interacting with women, as evidenced by the fact that he couldn’t even spell his own derogatory descriptive of “Tits”, correctly.

But to his credit, he did manage to nail the word “ass” with flying colors, even if he couldn’t get a piece of one to save his life, and judging from the dimensions of that pockmarked cantaloupe he wittily calls his face, I seriously doubt he’s ever gotten off of his, unless a Hot Pocket was to be had for doing so.

But as it is with all bloviating Betas wanting to be able to shop without shame in the actual Men’s section versus that of the junior Man-boy department, where they’ve acquired most of their wardrobe, if not all of their rampant misogyny, the inherent need to inform us all of who’s really the “man”, is never that far from the back of their so-called minds:
If a man is truly the King of his Castle, as the adage goes, this wannabe’s only purpose within it, is to remind his spouse that she settled for the candidate that’s sixth in line to wear the crown. And despite his posturing, this poster boy for perpetual virginity is most certainly, run like a racehorse by the women in his life, be they strangers or intimates, hence the grandstanding that they do not.

People with certifiable influence and power don’t talk about it on social media, they uncompromisingly wield it in the world of the real, and they sure as the day is long, don’t hide behind an obviously fabricated Facebook profile to do so, either. If it just so happens that this person is telling the truth about his familial demographic within his house, rest assured that there’s no way in Hell he has any form of control over three women at once.

What he does control, and that with the steel-jacketed fist of Cobra Commander, is his devastating application of self-owning and utterly pathetic chest-beating memes, such as this one:.

Yes, Marlin… the reason why you’re losing all those political battles, is because of sackless men, and not because of the ignorance, bigotry, or the divisiveness that your party wallows in as if it were a fattened sow heading to market.

Nope, it’s your fellow brotards who are dropping the ball (or their balls, if you prefer) on this one. Thank metaphorical God that they have such a shining example of greased testosterone to show them the way, once you get out from behind fake profile of yours to do so.

Pushing Marlin’s unwarranted braggadocio aside for the moment, I’m also highly suspect that such a fine specimen of manliness personified, would also feel the need to be so crude as well. As a rule, truly confident men exude strength, not vulgarity, and the fact he felt the need to tell strangers to (sigh) “#Loveyourballs” and “#BeAMan”, just proves to me that even his own hands refuse to touch him, unless he soaks them in Jack Daniels first.

If there is one single factor that accurately paints Betas as the cravenly cucks that they truly are, it’s their obsession with male genitalia, albeit their own or as is most often the case,  the set connected to those who identify as either Gay or Trans-positive. And while persons afflicted with this prurient interest can indeed, be considered as “straight”, their obsession with others testicles, is nothing less than a fetishtic disorder worth the time to study in some depth, and that, hopefully sooner than later.

Not so much to increase their capacity for personal tolerance, mind you, although that would be the ultimate goal, it’s more along the lines of making sure that we’ll never have to read a headline like this, ever again:

No, your eyes are not deceiving you, so yes… you did read that correctly. The Alt-Right’s favorite rent-boy for hire, the bitchiest Beta you’ve ever heard of, and former bow-tie aficionado, Tucker Carlson, seriously encouraged the act of tanning your testicles, as part of a “Bromopathy” regimen, an idea so stupid, if not potentially dangerous, that this may be the first time in my life that a snarky retort has eluded me.

According to Pasha Dashtgard, director of research at American University’s Polarization and Extremism Research and Innovation Lab; “This ‘bromeopathic’ idea to increase testosterone is there to counteract the effects of feminism and the feminization of the Western man, This platforming by Tucker Carlson is happening because it falls into this narrative that there is a crisis of masculinity, that cancel culture and wokeness have emasculated men in America.”

This rapidly increasing feeling of being politically, culturally, and influentially impotent, has long been a problem among Conservative men, and never more so then now, a time when (GASP!!!) women and the LGBTQ community have in tandem, made strong advances into the spheres of power that straight White men used to dominate without breaking a sweat. But it does in retrospect, somewhat explain their testes-obsessed tantrums, as their paranoiac fear that they’re about to have their personal set handed back to them in a paper bag, intensifies.

This anxiety has apparently rattled this walking representation of the German word “Backpfeifengesicht “ so much as of late, that he felt the need one night, to ask his audience of equally neutered Neanderthals a question that he himself, has probably been working on hourly, if not daily, since he attended his senior Prom arm-in-arm with his Mom:Easy answer- they’re the ones that are generally avoiding meeting your gaze whenever you try to engage them in unwanted conversation at work. But yeah… they’re the ones responsible for bringing shame upon men who act as if they were Roman Polanski at a sleepaway camp.

This non-issue, stoked into a bonfire by gelded gargoyles, such as Tucker, Mucker, Pucker, F**ker, or whatever the f**k his name is, is the newest point of faux outrage that cucks such as he feed to their base almost 24/7, in order to distract from the reality that the GQP’s standard dog and pony act is retreading it’s best as time wears on, and they have nothing else left in the allegorical closet to offer, save for their own possibly latent homosexual tendencies, as expressed below:

Sigh… the more that I read Marlin’s dumber-than-f**k posts, the more it becomes blatantly obvious that whereas the 747 of reality is concerned, he’s akin n to the Canadian Goose that’s been sucked into one of its engines. I find it interesting that for all their slanderous bluster regarding the Left being immoral, perverse, and sexually obsessed, the Alt-Right is the only one I see constantly referencing sodomy, pedophilia, men’s declining sperm count, misogynistic tropes, cross-dressing, and adultery as self-projecting talking points.

And as for criminal convictions, well the numbers speak for themselves:
Don’t trust me on this? Feel free to go do your own research, then. You know, the thing that the GQP faithful adamantly refuse to do? Granted, this chart doesn’t include the additional convictions of those affiliated with the prior Trump administration, but I think given the fact that several of his associates have been prosecuted successfully for crimes ranging from lying to the FBI to child trafficking, these numbers will remain favorable to the Dems, for quite some time to come.

White collar crimes aside, one of the other consistencies to be found within the cravenly land of conservative man-boys for whom the descriptive “incel” was specifically crafted, is the ever-pervasive, and previously alluded to, aspect of toxic masculinity, as showcased by Marlin Mossberg’s postings above. But what is that, asks every man on the planet who’s never talked to an actual woman without the benefit of a credit card?

Well, as a public service benefit for both they, and the women who wish the practitioners of such didn’t exist, I’ll tell you. The clinical characterization states that TM is; “a set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole. In relation, the destructive messages associated with toxic masculinity can lead to men feeling entitled to engage in violence against women.”

Or as Tucker Carlson would so cheerfully describe it; “Acting like a “real” man”, something Carlson is widely respected for, as he openly attacks Feminism, women’s body autonomy, and describes women not only as “extremely primitive” and “cunty”, but as “whores”, and “like dogs”, as well. Carlson, whom I suspect shamefully masturbates while dressed up as a real boy, has also suggested that it “gets women going” when men argue with them, clarifying his misogyny by saying that;

“If you’re talking to a feminist, and she’s given you, ‘Well, men really need to be more sensitive,’ no, actually, men don’t need to be more sensitive. You just need to be quiet and kind of do what you’re told.”

And just like the “Real men” he so desperately wants to be regarded as being in league with, he utters all these masculine assertions as such a man would do, from behind the safety of his desk, located inside the testosterone-soaked men’s bathroom of his bully pulpit.

All half-jokes notwithstanding, Beta cucks such as Carlson and his ilk, are literally terrified at the prospect of women having any control of the reins that they’ve held for so long, and in their worldview, the only thing more emasculating than having to acknowledge the presence of women with power, is to be equated as being one without the access to such:I don’t want to get too deep into the morass of biology here, but it seems to me, that if one set of genitals can survive pushing a human being out of it, whereas the one accorded to the opposite gender can be easily thwarted by minor contact with the edge of a kitchen table, only one really gets to claim the title of being a true badass. Just saying.

However, I do love the unintentional equivalence that not owning a gun, is akin to one being a willing Castrato against the good of society. I’m sure there’s nothing to unpack here in regards to Leyba’s alleged need to publicly overcompensate for some form of personal shortcoming, am I right? The key to this theorem of course, being the word “short”.

In Leyba’s world, “Men need to be Men” whatever the f**k that means, but my gut reaction tells me that most likely, it refers to men being selfishly boorish pricks, and women being held forcibly to the standards set by the Wives of Stepford.

Leyba, like most male cosnservacucks, simply cannot abide the thought of their fellow man being anything less than a mélange of Mel Gibson channeling Sean Connery, opining that, if young boys aren’t “taught’ to act like men by their fathers, then most certainly, outside influences will somehow, magically “turn them” into Hello Kitty loving wussies:

Newsflash? I f**king love Hello Kitty, and I can still beat your ass flatter than a Kansas pancake, because one has nothing to do with the other. And while I can split a rail with the best of them, I as a man, choose not to, because it’s no longer 1865, and Duraflame makes an excellent product that arrives at my house splinter-free.

Maybe instead of cracking logs, Leyba’s unfortunately allowed to spawn father, should have spent more time teaching him how to crack open books instead, so he’d have an information-based understanding of how the world actually works, as it’s fairly obvious from this posting, that he considers a half-truth to be a whole one:

It may surprise some of you, but overall, I actually somewhat agree with this sentiment. There has been a coarsening of society, as evidenced by America’s embrace of Trash Culture, but there’s a crucial detail that Leyba and the original poster left out of their shared narrative, and it is this: it isn’t the Left that’s cheapening the character of this country, unless you count wanting equality for all, as a detriment to creating a stronger society, which of course, the GQP base does.

But when you keep in mind, that this is one of our aspirational role models;

And that this is theirs, displaying that particularly unique blend of decorum, compassion, humanity, and raw sense of ever-so-present masculinity, that he’s heralded for world-wide, it becomes quite clear which political party reads books about a man’s role in society, and which one burns them:

This lone image, succinctly captures the pure essence of what the modern-day conservative movement currently is- hateful, ignorant, elitist, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, who’ve given full emotional investment to a self-aggrandizing, cowardly, deceitful, adulterous, treasonous man-child, who despite his decades long history of lies, graft, and betrayal, claimed at one of his ego-stroke rallies that; “I’ve got to be the cleanest, I think I’m the most honest human being, perhaps, that God has ever created.”

Nevertheless, Leyba does raise a good point about men not being gentlemen any longer, and as he did, I feel that I must give credit where credit is due, especially when he inadvertently proves his own point, by posting self-owning evidence like this:

I may not be a betting man, but I’d dare roll the metaphorical dice on the suggestion that whereas Leyba is concerned, a woman’s vagina is most certainly allegorical to a manhole cover, in the sense that for the good of society at large, he’s denied consensual access to opening one whenever the mood strikes him.

That is not to say however, that Leyba lacks the charm and wit to get lucky without the aid of a publicized trust fund and well-known heart problems, it’s more along the lines that I feel if Leyba were to ever bag and tag a model-worthy woman, she’d be the one seen posing in Hustler, rather than Playboy. Unless of course, droll banter like this truly turns on a hottie with a body:

Despite how truly immature this posting is, especially when you consider that Leyba is a middle-aged man, and not a 14-year-old boy, he is right about one thing regarding beer being better than a woman. Unlike women, Leyba can actually not only consistently pick up a beer, he can get it to willingly come home with him, without making it consume itself and five of its brothers first.

But as you’d suspect, Leyba is hardly alone in echoing this worldview where the tensile strength of one’s eventual manhood is as fragile as wet tissue paper, drawing conclusions based solely on their willful ignorance of a culture that they refuse to either attempt to understand, or ignore outright, choosing instead, to see the world entire as a place where unsuspecting children are mere centimeters away from developing a love for fashion design, if not interior decorating:
I’m curious… which “enemies” exactly, are the ones who are currently scheming to nefariously turn our future men into women? The Russians? The North Koreans? The cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? I guess it could be Disney, given their recent decision to depict the world as it actually is, in their upcoming movies and shows, but since they already have their hands full trafficking children via the conduit that is the “It’s a Small World “ ride, I’m forced to admit that I am truly stumped as to who the responsible culprits could be.

While maniacal theories regarding the true intentions of the LGBTQ community has always been a front-burner issue for the GQP, the last three years have seen a dramatic upswing in their unfettered homo- and -trans-phobic delusions, especially where the matter of Transgenderism is concerned. Rest assured, when they’re not blowing the dog-whistle regarding the non-issue of children being sexually assaulted in Target bathrooms, it’s only because they’re currently focusing on their fevered fantasies that the TG community is perpetually holding open auditions:

Honestly, I’m not sure if I should be amused or horrified that overly phobic prats such as Leyba, have quite literally, not a f**king clue as to what the TG and Gay community are about, considering how much he obsesses over them. It would be akin to one of you asking me about Milla Jovovich, and me being unable to show you my numerous flow charts documenting her awesomeness.

And while this may come as a sincere shock to Leyba, TG’s do reproduce, as not all of said demographic decides to go full post-op. I know this is disappointing for you to learn Ricky Retardo, but TG’s and Gay people are interested only in the adult version of their sexual preference, and I am truly sorry that you find yourself unable to get the exploratory hummer you seemingly desire on that particular side of the coital fence.

And the less said about this dumbf**kery;

the better, given that this person, for all of his talk about Transgenderism, is seemingly unaware as to how they arrive into this world.to begin with, and I have neither the time, nor the number of anatomically correct hand-puppets that would be required to explain it to him.

Playing along with Leyba’s erroneous belief that TG’s couldn’t possibly have a familial structure like the rest of us, I’d like to take this moment, and introduce you to this shining gem of humanity, one Joey Burke, whom I can only assume judging from the personal posting we’re about to review, played a fair amount of roller hockey in his youth, sans the protection of any protective headgear. Burke, like most conservatives is angry.

So very angry.

And as is typical with the majority of free-range conservative cuckolds, he needs to be told what he’s supposed to be angry about, and I can assure you, it’s most definitely the kind of opinion that would make the most ardent of eugenicists, almost proud to share the same planet with him, if not the same social solution::

Now, before I metaphorically eviscerate Burke, much in the manner that a similarity named graverobber did to his stock in trade during the era of the 1820’s, I’d like to discuss who this Benny Johnson person actually is, and it’s a story worth notating for both its level of personal hubris, if not its wretchedness.

Johnson, currently cosplaying as the host of The Benny Report on NewsMax TV, is known as a former prominent staff writer at Buzzfeed, who found himself unceremoniously terminated after it was publicly revealed that numerous articles he had claimed as original compositions, were in fact, heavily plagiarized.

Therefore, it should come as no surprise that a lummox such as Burke, who obviously needs stage directions, as he seemingly can’t think for himself, should requote an established liar, who most likely, nicked this lack of intellectualism from somebody else.

As with their need to make women appear “less than”, the same strategy is applied here as well, in order to dehumanize a targeted community that this modern-day Goebbels, likens to a cluster of Dementors that have been loosed from the pages of the Harry Potter series, to openly feast upon the innocents of the world, via the formerly magical lands that a cartoon mouse built.

While this expressed sentiment alone is beyond repulsive, I’d also call attention to the fact that it was uttered by a man who, all sarcasm aside, looks like he’s more than fairly knowledgeable with the storage capacity of his house’s crawlspace.  If anyone in this conversation appears as “soulless”, it’s definitely the guy whom I suspect, has the full set of trading cards featuring the collected works of Theodore Bundy.

As I had to do with Leyba, I will attempt to educate the duo of Burke and Johnson, which sounds less like a comedy act, and more along the lines of people you’ll eventually hear about on the History Channel, if only to prove just why the need to randomly spay and neuter Republicans, should sometimes be a tangible thing.

For the record and for humanity’s sake, the following is certifiably accurate: Transpersons are not freaks, they do have families, albeit better then the one you were poorly raised in, and shockingly, they do have kids, as I sadly had to point out to your equally as hateful brother from another motherf**ker, above.

And while I’m not sure as to why it is that you associate pink hair with sexual deviance, I’ll just assume for the time being that it somehow relates to your being caught inside the public bathroom of a Stae Fair, attempting to please yourself with a bucket of cotton candy. Heck… it makes about as much sense as your unwarranted transphobia, so I’m going to run with it, regardless of the truth.

You know. Like you just did, you ignorant troglodyte?

However< I am somewhat sympathetic for those conservatives with children of their own, as our ever-changing world these days, is sometimes quite hard to translate to those who have yet to acquire the life experience necessary to understand it:

Poor Don… can you imagine the personal embarrassment involved with being unable to articulate the fact that sometimes birds like bees, and vice versa, and the reality that you’re truly okay with such, is both perfectly natural, and yes, even sane?

Speaking only for myself, I have zero issue with members of either the TG or Gay community, as some of my best wingmen back in the dating days, were affiliated with one or the other, and as far as I’m concerned, I’d rather hang out with the Fabulous, rather than the Fascist, any day of the week, hands down.

If that’s the jar of jam you like to spread on metaphorical toast, I say go for it, and enjoy yourself, as you will not ever maliciously hurt a person with your lifestyle, save for the ones who are insanely jealous at your ability to mix a dead-on perfect Manhattan. But as we’ve seen since … well, forever, conservatives just cannot let the differences that make each one of us singularly unique, slide past without some form of hatefully ignorant commentary following in tandem:

I would like to remind you all, that at one point in time, the dual subjects of homosexuality and Transgenderism were considered to be a credible mental illness, and along with the public stigma that could occur to such an invasive assessment being leveled, there was also the very real threat of criminal prosecution for being openly “out”, as well.

This abominable diagnosis, reverted for the better when the American Psychiatric Association (APA) removed the diagnosis of “homosexuality” from its 2nd edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). In 1973, was a critical first step in assimilating the accurate view that such proclivities are not deviant, immoral, or as the Cafeteria Christian Brigade likes to frequently claim, “Against God”.

If God is truly infallible, then being Gay or TG, is not a mistake, so much as it is a deliberate part of God’s overall Divine Plan. And as an aside, I do have to appreciate the irony of a devoted homo/transphobe posting about how “they” suffer from a mental illness, as he spent God-knows-how-long tracking down just the right meme to express his obsessive disgust with a lifestyle that is not his own.

Seriously. I’m not a psychologist by any stretch of the imagination, but if you find yourself fixating on the sexual identities of persons unknown to you, half as much as these loons seemingly do, I’d strongly suggest that perhaps, your therapy session with Dr. Goldberg, should be expanded to at least three times a week. Especially when you don’t allegedly know for certain, what is “real”, and what’s not

Personally, I don’t think that Haniford really gave any deepness of thought to his inference regarding the long-term ramifications of reclassifying the duality of homosexuality and Transgenderism as a form of mental illness, because let’s face it, this is still America, and if you give people a validated excuse to do so, this is now most people would apply such an action:

Sneer all you want, but you know damn well that I’m not wrong.

As noted, hateful sentiments and punitive actions, are nothing new for people who openly decry the alleged “perverse” lifestyle of the LGBTQ community, as they purposefully overlook the one that Donald Trump presents on a daily base, but this latest go-round of slobbering rage is quite the new twist on a classically vile theme.

Collectively, it’s almost as if the GQP base woke up after a decades-long nap, and stumbled upon the fact that not only do these fellow humans of theirs actually exist outside of a movie, they’ve also learned how to use an indoor bathroom, to boot.: But far more pathetic, is the fact that due to their willful ignorance, they can’t even draw distinctions between the various sub-groups either, and just lump them all together, as if they were the hors d’oeuvres at a discount wedding:

You were “shocked” to see cross-dressers at a Cher concert. In 2004. I apologize in advance, to inform you that not only is the concept of cross-dressing hardly a shock to the social norms as they currently exist, its in fact, become so mainstream, that it hardly even qualifies as a blip on the cultural radar, as far as such things used to go. And just because someone likes to wear gender-specific clothing, it does not mean that they’re either gay or in the middle of transitioning. If it did, there’d be about ten newly-made dudes in my life, who owe me no less than 25 dress shirts.

Not to mention, this beloved American has been engaging in the act for over seven decades;
and yet, he still retains his well-deserved status as one of our most beloved icons, despite his numerous attempts to recruit our innocent children into being friends of Dorothy, Equating cross-dressers to either homosexuals or Transpersons, is yet another definitive proving that it’s not the personal practices that’s freaking out the so-called “straights”, so much as it is their Fear of the Other.

As we’ve seen from the idiocy already displayed, this cravenly mob are ever-presently finding themselves apoplectic that any aspect of the LGBTQ community is dared defined as equitable to themselves, falsely perceiving that their sovereignty of selfdom is under no less than a constant attack by the fictitious “Gay Agenda”, which is phobic-speak for taking offense at the fact that those you find distasteful, are living their best lives without asking for your benevolent permission first::
Yup… nothing more annoying than trying to live your life, and being rudely reminded via a gay tuba, that it’s not all about you. And even worse than that, is knowing that for some strange reason, corporations who make a wide range of products to sell, oddly believe “those people” actually buy them, just like you and I do. As its already been established by these homophobes that the LGBTQ community doesn’t have families, kids, or even any semblance of a soul, convincing David that they actually might require a toaster oven, is right out:

I kind of feel bad for David here. It must be so hard nowadays to find commercial breaks that cater exclusively to hatefully dense White people and their specific advertising needs. Outside of the ads on FOX, that is. But don’t you worry David, the fine folks at My Pillow and New Day Financial, will always have your back, no matter what those nasty “woke” businesses decide to do.

One question though? Other than HBO promoting “Orange is the New Black”, where exactly, is he seeing advertising consistently featuring multiple transsexuals? And while the urge to make a tasteless joke at the expense of the Kardashians is presently gnawing on my funny-bone, I’m going to take the high road, here, and just let my question stand as is.

However, if I was going to endeavor to take David’s pointless social kvetching and turn it into a financial positive, I’d suggest that we take his cast of unique characters, pitch a series to Disney+, have them turn it into a “Three’s Company” type of sitcom, sit back, crack open a cold one, and watch the money just pour in.

But David is not alone concerning his feeling of being overlooked by the corporations that he once swore loyalty to, as his allegorical BFF William Pennell is right there beside him, stewing in his own self-created bubble of seething White victimhood:

Pennell, who has a secondary FB account under the alias of “Lowery Porter”, is quite the dizzying intellect, let me tell you. I’ll be showcasing some of his inaner insights in an upcoming screed, but for now, let’s just stick with this slice of Aryan arrogance, shall we? To start, let’s take a look at a graph measuring how minorities view their representation in modern media advertising, against Pennell’s soon to be debunked opinion:

Considering the data presented here, I’d suggest that if Pennell is sincerely missing a friendly White face, I’d offer the suggestion that he either stop watching Telemundo and/or BET, and slither back to the urine-warm embrace of FOX, where the only time he’ll have to see a non-Caucasian, is when they have one on as a special guest, if only for the purpose of reminding their viewership that the only member of a racial minority that truly knew his place, was Stepin Fetchit.

Refreshingly, at least from a certain point of view that is, this traditionalist hate-fest is unexpectedly anti-misogynistic whereas the topic of women wanting to spew equal amounts of homophobic bile is concerned. Quite literally, this may be the only area of discussion next to performing metaphorical fellatio on the mushroom tip of Donald Trump’s flaccidity, where conservative women are allowed truly free reign.

And since women are generally regarded by many, as the fairer sex, we’ll gently start this dissertation off with this delightful slice of passive-aggressive condescension:

You just have to live conservatives, do you not? They’re ever so nice about promoting their idiocy, all so that the rest of us actually functioning humans, can make an informed decision as to how best avoid interacting with them. Truly, an act of personal charity that is thoughtful beyond words, as most GQP fembots such as Nicole here, find utilizing such, far too difficult to compose original thoughts to begin with.

But this assessment of mine doesn’t ring true for everybody of course, as some Stepford wives actually can expound (at great length) about what they consider the evils of the TG influence to be, and aren’t afraid to jump right in. Unfortunately, what they generally dive into headfirst no less, is the world’s largest stand mixer, which tends to take their well-rehearsed inner monologue, and convert it into a nearly unintelligible word smoothie, instead:Wow. Just… wow. I don’t know what’s worse in regards to the inherent madness contained within this diatribe, given the syntax, the falsehoods, the ignorance, or the personally arrogant self-assurance that this pile of conceptual merde need to be expressed publicly.

This unhinged commentary, serving less as a warning, and far more as the final nail in the coffin of this obviously mentally disturbed individual’s intellect, just further affirms my belief that most conservatives shouldn’t. be allowed within ten miles of a house plant, much less an impressionable child.

I know that to think of women as possessing an intrinsic sense of maternal sovereignty is sexist as hell, but good god, one’s lack of it still shouldn’t manifest itself as the complete polar opposite of it, either. But leave it to the GQP base, to take an issue that doesn’t affect them one iota, and turn it into a rallying cry for inflicting their bias under the guise of protecting the greater good of a society that they truly care nothing about:

This lunacy grenade, yet another trope of cancel culture that conservatives claim to hate, yet have eagerly embraced, if not weaponized, in an attempt to mold a society resistant to their abominable ideals, into the new normal that they so desperately want to achieve. And if that societal upheaval requires the inclusion of lies, slurs, and threats of boycott, it’s almost a certainty that conservatives will embrace it as the noblest of actions.

And when these tactics don’t work, due to the aggressiveness of their blatant deceit, there’s aways the tried-and-true tactic of endlessly screaming: “What about the Children?”, until the people they’re targeting acquiesce out of the exceedingly valid concern that they’ll be regarded as being either uncaring, or as closeted pedophiles:

On the face of it, this bigotry masquerading as concern seems legit, does it not? However, it’s also exceptionally disingenuous as well. Saying that the “idea” for one’s personal decision to embrace their true identity as being either Gay or Transgender, is patently ridiculous at its best, and completely insane, at its worst.

If exposure to societal concepts at an impressionable age could truly affect one’s further down the road lifestyle decisions, my being the first bionic super-spy who can not only fly, but also lives inside a volcano lair tended to by clones of Lynda Carter, would have been firmly established in the public consciousness by now. But the notation of such being “a recipe for lifelong depression & self-loathing is correct, even if such an estimation was selectively cherry-picked to fit this bullspit narrative.

When a person of alternate lifestyle finds themself extant in a society such as the one conservatives seemingly want and are working towards, this assertion of depressive self-hatred would be a viable aspect of their lives, as they would be consistently subjected to the bigotry and homophobia that Neo-Cons openly flaunt as sustenance, inspiration, and validation for their truly pitiful existence.

However, in a society where such persons are publicly supported, encouraged, and most importantly, openly respected, for their honest individualism, the metaphorical sky is the limit. For sanity and reality’s sake, no one “chooses” to be Gay or Transgender, very much in the same way that no one “chooses” to be African-American, Asian, or Caucasian- it quite literally, is what it is, and no outside factor can change that, despite the histrionic harping of the alt-Right.

Despite this proven certainty, the bigoted base that comprises the Right-wing movement in this country, never misses an opportunity to demonize those who fall under the descriptive of the LGBTQ banner, by slandering them as we’ve previously seen, from being “soulless” husks of humanity, to falsely claiming that they’re targeting children, but like most viruses that plague Mankind, these swimmers from the shallow end of the gene pool, have mutated a new theorem for public dissemination, and it’s a doozy:You heard it here first, Ladies and Gentlemen- the cause of the declining birth rate on this already far too crowded and over-stressed planet, is those darn Gay people who refuse to over-breed like the rest of us fine upstanding missionary-style fornicators. And let’s have a round of applause for Larry’s parents, who after deciding not to “murder” him, raised him to be a judgmental and self-righteous homophobe instead.

I guess that’s a win for parenting, but I’m not sure how.

I’d point out that if you’re annoyed at the number of Gay people not having children, you should probably blame their parents as well, because they’re the ones who had all those gay kids to begin with. Speaking of which, for people who are so concerned with bringing children into the world to increase the aforementioned declining birth rate, conservatives generally aren’t too keen on the idea of gay couples either adopting the post-born, or utilizing surrogates to have children of their own.

Odd, that.

I mean, they’re totally down for impregnating their mistresses two at a time, or forcing women against their will to give birth via draconian anti-abortion statutes, so you’d think they’d be all in for the creation of a stable family dynamic, but they’re not.

In fact, only 27 states (and one territory) currently have laws or policies that expressly prohibit discrimination in adoption based on sexual orientation or gender, and despite a landmark ruling by the Supreme Court in 2015, some states have openly attempted to forward prohibitive legislation that gives private adoption agencies, the capacity to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation.

So much for the GQP’s “pro-family values” propaganda, as I see it, but please remember that they’re just trying to “protect” those children from… um, reality, I can only assume?

Here’s the deal: if you’re banning qualified people from becoming parents, or banning books that contain uncomfortable information, or decrying political correctness all in the name of protecting “the children” at the expense of other children’s well-being, all you are really doing in actuality, is projecting the message that only a specific societal demographic is suitable for the role of parenting, which like most of the firmly-held beliefs conservatives have, is simply not true.

Personally, I’ve never ever witnessed any other collective of intellectually-challenged people, be they fans of Nickelback or Highlander 2, who so proudly flaunt their conceit in being mediocre, so much as the GQP faithful does.

For people who under the cover of an organized political movement, have consistently mocked those who are clearly their obvious superiors in word, thought, and deed, they sure have spent an awful lot of energy and time demanding unwarranted praise for not catching their tongues in the spinning blades of a ceiling fan, which to be fair, has always impressed me as well, given the dearth of their collective intellect.

Further evidence of their disconnect from logic is their recent attempts at hijacking the societal impact of the “Gay Pride” crusade, due to that fact that it openly celebrates the whole of LGBTQ culture as being integral to our national fabric of diverse inclusivity, which it most certainly is, whether they want to admit it or not.

Yeah. I said it. Come at me, you phobic Twunts. In fact, I dare ya’.

However, despite their loathing the concept of the LGBTQ community at large being “allowed” to laud the uniqueness of its accomplishments and dogged determination to be accepted for who they are, the anti-gay cabal nonetheless, looked upon their communal platform spearheading this cultural change, and thought that all they needed to do to make it their own, was to slap a few Punisher decals on it, crank up the Ted Nugent, and start Twittering that being born “straight” was somehow, a noble achievement:

You just have to love Albert’s enthusiasm for a state of being he had no control over, celebrating a non-accomplishment that nobody who’s rational gives a dam about, while implying that not only could he get two women who, judging from their mud-flap silhouettes, are obvious strippers, but that they’d be happy to be near him as well.

Now, because I don’t want to judge that which is allegedly already widely known, his flawed optimism that they’d leave his mom’s garage sexually satisfied, is kind of adorable in its naïveté, if I may be so bold.

As for Albert’s beta buddy’s snarky comment inferring that there’s “lots ‘ of “them” just wandering around freely, I’d note that in their dual cases, more gay men within their social spheres might actually be a good thing whereas they’re concerned, since due to their severely limited intellectual appeal, less competition for women puts the law of averages on their side for once.

Nevertheless, Eudsave’s cravenly disdain for Transexuals goes far past that which most people would openly acknowledge is a feeling of personal discomfort with their lifestyle, and instead, abominably, devolves into the dialectal hate that a certain Germanic-based political party utilized regarding their murderous demonization of a race that had done them no harm, save for triggering their sense of inherent bigotry, as is seemingly the case here with Eudsave’s ignorantly disgusting commentary:

I’m curious. What do you think the public reaction to Eudsave’s willful intolerance be, if we replaced his use of the word “animal” to describe TG athletes with the far less tolerable slurs associated with White Supremacy? Do you think he’d be allowed to slide past using such terminology, or would the SJW Brigade chew on him as if they were Cerebos on steroids? 

I think we all know the answer to that one, but a slur against one is a slur against all, and we as a society, need to step up in unified opposition to it. If I were to be transparent, I can honestly say that I don’t follow Women’s sports. But then again, I don’t follow Men’s sports either, so in concern to this particularly new obsession that’s currently afflicting today’s conservatives, I don’t have a lot of contextual background in relation to this subject.

I for one, couldn’t tell you a damn thing about who’s the best this or that within the world of athletic competition, and truthfully, I wouldn’t care if I could. If I’m not personally playing the game, sports hold about as much interest for me as watching paint dry. And I say this, as a visual artist who has literally spent years of his life watching actual paint dry, but I digress, as nobody has the time to hear about that.

The issue at hand, is whether it’s ethical to grant a Transgender male who identifies as being Female, and who has either fully transitioned or is in the process of doing so, the right to compete against other women in relation to athletic competitions centered on the participation of that sole gender alone. As you can imagine, it’s a rather thorny issue for many, and on the scientific side of the debate, the question of physiology does come up as a deciding factor, as one might expect it to do.

Speaking only for myself as always, I take very little issue with men and women dually competing in trials of athletic ability, with the game of Football and/or Rugby, being the lone exceptions. This is not due to any form of sexism on my part mind you, but I have severe reservations about how well a 125lb woman, regardless of physical prowess, would do going up against one of the 375lb steroid-enhanced Silverbacks that the NFL has over-populated its league with.

You’ve got the gift of hustle Tiffany, and one hell of a throwing arm to boot, but when Johnny “The Juggernaut” Jones manages to hit you at full speed, the Law of Action-Reaction, as noted in modern-day physics, will be more than enough singularly, to knock both sets of your grandparents into complete and devastating unconsciousness, mark my words.

However, when it comes to the rest of the assemblage of athleticism, I say have at it. Even when I was a kid playing league soccer, I never understood just why there weren’t any girls on my team. Off the field, we all played together, and while I was competent at my worst, some of them were Pele in a freaking micro-skirt, at theirs, and I think that’s really the problem here… men just don’t like to be bested by a gender that they perceive themselves as being stronger than.

Change my mind. I dare you.

But if this assumption of mine is true, I hear you ask, then why is a man competing against women on their allegorical playing fields even a concern at all? I’ll tell you why. Widespread acceptance. If TG’s are allowed to compete directly with the gender that they identify with, and it becomes the socialized norm, then it stands to reason, that said affected gender will demand the same in reverse, and it’s that which would represent a cultural threat to the established rules of gender politics.

Can you imagine? Women and their TG counterparts, might demand salaries equitable to men’s. Access to promotional deals, once dominated solely by men. Media exposure on par with the likes of male sports stars, and that’s just the beginning of what could become theoretically, if given the time, a truly non-gendered social institution, open to all, dependent only on the basis of one’s own natural abilities.

What can I say? Sometimes my inner Utopian comes out to play when he’s drunk. So, are conservatives really upset about this latest self-invented tempest in a teapot, or are they as usual, just following the cravenly crowd to the next outbreak of faux outrage?

Well, it seems to be a bit of both, as it’s become quite the standard that regardless of whatever issue is currently affecting the Great Society, if it’s something conservatives dislike or disagree with, an overwrought display of histrionics are sure to set