Wayne Michael Reich

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The Art of Gerry-slandering PT.1 (Morons Away!)

“The emotional appeal of a conspiracy theory is in its simplicity. It explains away complex phenomena, accounts for chance and accidents, offers the believer the satisfying sense of having special, privileged access to the truth. For those who become the one-party state’s gatekeepers, the repetition of these conspiracy theories also brings another reward: power.” 
– Anne Applebaum, Twilight of Democracy: The Seductive Lure of Authoritarianism


Greetings, my loyal Bitchiteers!

How are you all feeling on this, yet another fine day on a progressively disturbing ball of compressed space dust, basalt, and Granite, wrapped around a molten iron core, spinning in an ecliptic orbit around a monstrously immense flaming sphere of hydrogen and helium held together by its own gravity?

And I might add, this is all occurring at an estimated speed of 67,000 miles per hour, or 30 kilometers per second, for you metric-leaning European readers, who at this very moment, are probably wondering where I keep my supply of name-brand Dramamine. Easy answer: it’s in the candy dish shaped like Milla Jovovich on my coffee table, and don’t worry about leaving me short, because I’ve got buckets to burn of the stuff, just waiting to go.

Now at this point, you might all be wondering why I have motion-sickness-pills laid out for guests as if I were a Walgreens’s, but the answer is simple: it’s because when you write about what I write, dealing with the type of people that I deal with, and then share that experience with others, they (and you) may suffer from the feeling that being strapped to the side of a Saturn V rocket, whose guidance control had been switched off, might be preferable to hearing anything furthermore about it.

As the old joke goes; “Some days, you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots. Other days… you realize it’s not only SOME days.” A theorem that I can assure you, is 100% dead-bang true. In my particular instance, and regardless of the day, I am always seemingly up to my neck in a never-ending surge of morons, buffoons, idiots, cretins, nitwits, boneheads, ignoramuses, and schmucks.

Also known as the archetype of both modern-day Conservative leaderships, if not their membership base.

But don’t take just my word for the collective lack of intellectual aptitude on the part of the GQP faithful, especially when I can just as easily let them prove it for themselves. Take for instance, this cluelessness of made flesh, courtesy of one Eileen Vaughn Glancy, who started off our tête-à-tête by informing me that due to my having a political view not based on groveling at the feet of a traitor, that we would “never be friends”, something I assume, that was supposed to crush my sense of self-worth… I guess:

Is it just me, or did you also enjoy Glancy’s protestation of; “I don’t know why you would call me a lummox, as I don’t understand what that ward actually means, nor do I understand that “cultists” and “friends” are plural descriptives as well, so let me look up said definition, and in doing so, prove your assessment beyond a shadow of doubt for anyone who may read this exchange later on”, half as much as I did?

If I may be so bold, I really do enjoy it when my casual use of a five-dollar word, seemingly stupefies those particular persons who at best, possess a dollar-store-grip on their individual intellectualism. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciate the lifting assist, Nancy. Much respect given.

However, such discombobulated dimwittedness, is par for the course, rather than the exception, whereas these possible candidates for a Darwin’s Award may be concerned, although such future accreditation all truly depends on both their personal ambition for achieving success, if not unfettered access to a poorly-maintained wood-chipper. 

Nevertheless, despite the examples set by intellectual ascetics such as Glancy, most of her fellow granfalloons, will never hit the depths of infamous inanity, either due to being just barely smart enough to not stick their heads inside their metaphorical whine press, or because the persons set in place around them are constantly running inadvertent interference on their behalf.

And then, there is the purest distillation of this conditional idiocy taken to the extreme, that being the MAGAts.

But what pray tell, is that, for these among you who may be (surprisingly) unfamiliar with this term? Well, according to the popular lexicon, a “MAGAt”, is a follower of the treasonous mango-man-child known as Donald J. Trump, and it translates literally via its use of disparaging slang as describing such a person to be a “Make America Great Again Terrorist“.

This is of course, a play on Trump’s “Make America Great Again” political slogan’s capitalization, although to be fair in concern to that descriptive, I honestly can’t imagine why that is:

Oh… you know what? Never mind. I totally get it now, I think. However, this is just one example of such behavior, and you can’t base anything conclusive just off of this singular instance, right?

Well, crap. There goes yet another perfectly good theorem, does it not?

I swear to mythical God, these bargain-basement insurrectionists crash and burn so consistently, that if you didn’t know any better, you would have to almost think that these incest-spawns of sovereign citizenry, were semi-professional Icarus cosplayers. Hence the not too inaccurate quip that “MAGA”  should in all actuality, stand for “Morons Are Getting Arrested”, as that seems to be their main group activity these days..

Speaking of which, I’d like to introduce our first asinine appetizer before I get to the main idiot du jour as it were. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce you all to one Michael Fouche, of Woodbridge, VA. Fouche, seen here waiting for the optimal moment when his two remaining brain cells have warmed up enough so that he can embarrass himself online with the fullest of concentration once more, is one of those aforementioned mentally-bereft MAGAts, and you can tell he’s a real patriot, because nothing says that better than posting vlogcasts that nobody watches, in front of the flag whose inferred values he doesn’t follow..

But wouldn’t you know it, not only is Fouche a guy who espouses conspiracy theories as being fact, he’s also a puerile proponent that those who were arrested for willingly participating in the abominably dark events of J6 are not fascistic insurrectionists, but “political prisoners”, being unjustly denied their due course under the laws of the constitutional republic that they tried (and thankfully failed) to overthrow:

Irony is truly lost on some people, is it not? What a sales pitch to the legal authorities: “Sure, I attempted to usurp American Democracy, but now I demand its protections as I await trial for being a traitor”, I won’t speak for you as usual, but the amount of chutzpah it would take to say this with a straight face, is either insane, or ballsy as f**k. Even better, is the argument that Douche (sorry, “Fouche”) makes here, claiming that said J6 turncoats were the poor innocent victims of a cabal that manipulated them into doing it:

Sigh… I’d like to point out, in case I wasn’t clear within my retorts, that despite three years of distance, not ONE J6 defendant has presented, much less proven, that any outside influence, save for believing in Trump’s several times debunked “Big Lie” about non-existent election fraud, prompted them to toss away their futures for a cravenly liar who if the tables were reversed, wouldn’t condescend to piss on them, if they were on fire.

And the fact that Fouche who’s supposedly a veteran, signed up willingly to be on this demagogue’s team, is appalling beyond belief. And I say this, as a person who has not a single jingoistic bone in his body. My country has a myriad of problems, but at no point in time have I ever drawn the conclusion that the best way to solve the issues inherent with its democracy, would be to install fascism in its stead.

To clarify, there were no insidious elements directing the tragically disgusting events of J6, outside of Fouche’s traitorous brethren, and that’s it. No “false flags”, no “Deep State”, and no “Black-uniformed Illuminati” either, just in case Fouche the douche here, decides to throw that on top of the pile. Just a bunch of incestuously gullible dumbf**ks, acting on the commanded whims of a mango-man-child, whoa by the very grace of mythical God, should have been hung by now for the damage he’s done to this country

However, in Fouche’s overview, the laws of the land that he wishes to see under the rule of the Norsefire Party from “V for Vendetta”, are meant for others, and as such, are in no way applicable to those he aligns his morally-decaying ideology with. Take for example, his stunningly hypocritical take on Trump’s illegal possession of classified documents which he initially refused to return, versus Biden’s unforced compliance regarding the same:

Demanded adherence to earned consequence, is one of the top most irritating things that Alt-Wrong dumbasses such as Fouche absolutely despise, but ironically, it’s also one of the first defensive gambits that they’ll throw out at Liberals when they find themselves cornered, and that occurrence, usually by their own argument. For a party that claims incessantly to be all about “Law and Order”, they don’t seem to care for it too much when its gaze is turned upon them.

Newsflash, Neocons? If “it” was wrong for my side to do it, it’s still just as wrong when your side does it, as well. But as it is with most things complicated, there are some key differences at work here in regards to this issue. All of which if I may note, Fouche somehow avoided addressing.

I’m sure that was an accidentally deliberate oversight on his part, and therefore, not hypocritical at all

In overall situ, Fouche is yet another pathetic cog in the molding machine that produces run-of-the-mill vanilla vanguards, and as is true with such persons whose inner cream filling is comprised of paranoia and ignorance, he sees enemies everywhere, and in tandem, a government that wants him left defenseless against such:  
What our paranoid pudding pop is referring to here, is the announcement made by then-acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker in December of 2018, that the DOJ had amended the regulations of the BATF, clarifying that “bump stocks” were to be defined in the future as falling within the Federal definition of being a machine-gun.

Why was that, you ask? Well as it turns out, the inclusion of such a device in relation to a semiautomatic firearm, allows an incessant firing cycle with a single pull of the trigger.

See the problem now? If not, then you might just be a Conservative who earnestly believes that you as a rule, should have the capability to cosplay Columbine or Sandy Hook, at a moment’s notice. As the late comedian George Carlin once said; “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that”, and then envision that demographic blessed with the ability to spray carnage tin the same manner that Fouche spews inanity.

Speaking of which, heir’s another prime cut of Fouche’s general density, wherein he somehow manages to combine the aforementioned gun rights issue with the Alt-Wrong battle-whine that the majority of social media platforms are silencing Conservative voices. This is a declaration that I find to be somewhat odd, considering the proliferation of particularly petulant postings I see concerning this self-invented problem:

If I were a true cynic, instead of the optimistic misanthropist that I tend to  be, I might point out to Fouche here, that multiple studies have proven that the very construct of Conservatives finding themselves exiled to the allegorical Gulag of social media, is pure bulls**t:

Other than the fact that private companies such as Facebook, Twitter, Tik-Tok, Instagram and the like, are NOT subject to the governance of First Amendment, they also have clearly defined (more or less) codes of conduct that you willingly agree to when you utilize their platform’s outreach. But you have to admire just how dedicated Fouche is in regards to the Alt-Wrong’s claims of false victimization, nevertheless.

Following that line, Fouche’s over-dramatic avowal that “millions” have been “caused untold pain” by their supposed inability of not being abler to access his archive of goddamn density, is quite possibly, one of the most vainglorious things that I have ever read, and his only other commotion was the modern-day equivalent of Narcissus himself, Donald J Trump.

I mean… seriously dude? Don’t get me wrong, as I’m known for patting myself on the back, but unlike you, my right arm isn’t two feet longer than my left, from my consistently doing so.

On average Mikey, the same three people comment on your posts as if that were their job, and the only pain that they truly endure, is knowing down deep, that much like you, they’re politically impotent. But yeah… “millions” have been denied the intellectual joygasm of hearing you spout upon subjects dusted with your blend of crackpot conspiracies, ideological irrelevance, and your mundane mediocrity.

Better still, is Fouche’s bizzarro intermixing of vaguely stated minority and feminist-based issues supposedly inflicted upon both by democrats, a 70’s sci-fi cultural reference, the issue of bump stocks yet again, and a misrepresentation of an FTC action r-that was brought against Facebook, the end result of which was FB achieving a $1 trillion market cap, after the FTC antitrust complaint was dismissed.

While it’s been obvious from the start of Fouche’s story-arc that critical thinking is so not his forte, it also appears that same ineffectiveness of logicality, extends to his storytelling as well. I’m sure that there was some point that he was trying to make Initially when he started typing out his drivel, but I believe it got lost on the way to his seemingly illiterate fingers presentation of it.

Obsession however, is a demanding mistress, as proven by this three-days-earlier rant/post of Fouche’s, which I can only assume, given its inability to stay on a coherent tangent, was a warm-up note of sorts for the former that I just discussed. Say what you will about Fouche’s ability to be a brain-dead douche, but at least he’s unswerving in his public utterances of mental obesity:

I’m not sure what I truly appreciate more here- Fouche’s flow of no-consciousness ramblings, or the fact that he felt the need to individually number them, as if he were preparing an exceedingly crucial to-do list for whomever this nattering nincompoop was hoping to inspire with this love-note to a future court-ordered psychiatrist.

As I said above, obsession is a demanding mistress. Especially when she refuses to give you the respect that you know down deep, that you don’t deserve, and never will earn.

At his (and their) core, Fouche and his fellow MAGAts are bloodthirsty for esteem, hence their addictive dependence to circle-jerk rallies, the repetition of political slurs, devotion to an odious ideology, a hive mind mentality, and the incessant need to proudly draw a negative reaction from everyone within their purview, as if they were a Vegan, a Jogger, or a CrossFitter, walking into a Los Angeles Starbucks.

While Fouche and his cravenly cabal are indeed wretched in their thoughts, words, and deeds, the one area where they truly slither through the mud, is when they attack those that have in no way, harmed them at all. Previous victims of these societal assaults, include women, African-Americans, and as always, immigrants both naturalized and undocumented, but the new punching bag scapegoat as of late, is the LGBTQ Community, as evidenced by Fouche’s calumniously bigoted post below:

A few minor issues I’d like to address in concern to this testament to homophobic mendacity, if I may. First, the LGBTQ Community is not, I repeat, NOT a collective of sexually perverse degenerates akin to the leadership of Fouche’s chosen political party, and second, it’s fairly obvious that he also has no bloody clue what the act of “bondage” essentially is, because I can assure you, that this quite literally, is so not “it”.

However, let’s take a moment to consider the amount of time that that Fouche, a self-inferred “straight” man, had to personally invest in tracking down this image via a targeted internet search, and then after finding what he required, devoted a few additional minutes more crafting it into a pointless Facebook post, just so that he could let us all know how normal he is, by way of pictorial comparison.

Yup. Nothing there to psychologically unpack. Of that, I am certain. After all, I’m sure it’s a perfectly rational thought process that renders the future challenges of a tragic event regarding a toxic spill that threatens the safety and well-being of a small community, into a targeted attack on a societal one that has nothing to do with either the said event, or anything in regards to it, at all.

Naturally, I just had to comment- if only to satisfy my own curiosity as to why any of this was even presented:

And off course as you might expect, Fouche retorted, but not in a way that came across as the dynamic “flex” that he was obviously  hoping it was going to be.

A small caveat, if (I may: when you’re of the danced age that Fouche most certainly is, referring to yourself with anything other than your actual name, sort of gives the inference that you’re in the process of auditioning for new sugar daddies. Just saying.

Thus far, Fouche has been an odious hors d’oeuvre at best, but as I want to take you to asinine pastures far more moronic, I feel that it’s time that  I end his callous contribution, with one last posting of his that shows us all just who Fouche really is, as well as highlighting the hate-driven political entity that his so proudly represents:

In case you have forgotten, this pathetically tasteless “joke” comes at the expense pf Paul Pelosi, the elderly husband of former Speaker of the House, Nacy Pelosi, who was attacked in his home as he slept by a hammer-wielding assailant. Pelosi, who managed to survive the cravenly assault despite suffering a fractured skull and serious injuries to his right arm and hands, then became the subject of a gay-themed smear campaign by the Alt-Wrong, who while decrying political violence, actually commit most of it.

Fueled by the same inanity that drives Fouche’s ideology, this deplorable incident where an innocent man was almost murdered, is now considered prime fodder for humor in the mentally-bereft sphere that is the MAGAverse, and if anything, just goes to firmly cement in the collective consciousness, just what a goddamned jackass Fouche really is, and what he and his party have now offer the arena of civil discourse.

Venomous stupidity on tap, served as lukewarm as their intellect and sense of Humanity.

Being a terribly ignorant if not spiteful human, and then taking unwarranted pride in it, seems to be a requirement for any lummox that wants to be a card-carrying member of Cult 45, and I must say, that in the 13+ years that I’ve been writing as the “Artbitch”, no one has ever done it quite as proficiently or as proudly as my newest upcoming scratching post, whom I will name in a moment.

This barely sentient, deception-huffing, cowardice-channeling, knuckle-dragging shell of amalgamated human pudding skin and hubris, has it all. And when I say that, I most certainly mean it. Let’s run down the ol’ ideologically Conservative bingo card, shall we? Conspiracy theories galore? The Illuminati says yes. Racist diatribes? Got that white. Anti-LGBTQ sentiments? No friends of Dorothy here.

And don’t you worry, we’ve got the standard misogyny, political ignorance, infantile paranoia propagandist news “sources” and the implied threat of Alt-Wrong valence as well to balance out the metaphorical deck, because if you’re going to be a walking stereotype, you might as well go all the way in, right up to that sewer pipe you wittily call a neck.

It’s almost as if the Writing Gods themselves, looked down upon me from the lofty heights of Mount Vonnegut, and decided amongst themselves that I needed a muse equal to my snark as well as my ability to weaponize it. And boy oh boy, did they deliver the goods with this one, let me tell you.

But before I begin gnawing on my newest of chew-toys, I need to start us off with both a disclaimer and a definition I’ve deemed necessary for the War of Words that I’m about to fire the first shots in, and they both relate to the descriptive adjective of “slander”.

To note, Slander is defined as; ”the utterance of false charges or misrepresentations which defame and damage another’s reputation”, or as; “a false and defamatory oral statement about a person”. As someone whose writing specifically address the flaws of humanity that serve as my story silage, this designation and I have a tenuous relationship at times, hence the reason why, I always make sure that I can solidly back pl what I infer or directly say with incontrovertible evidence.

The reasons for this are twofold; in regards to the first, I loathe disingenuous writing, as I find it to be a cheat of sorts, if not intellectually lazy. Shock for shock’s sake, and all that jazz. And second, if I ever have to go to court over something I’ve written or publicly implied I want to walk out the way I waked in: correct, respected, and infused with an attitude of badassery on temporary loan from Anthony Bourdain himself.

To directly quote the great man himself: “The essence of cool, after all, is not giving a fuck. And let’s face it: I most definitely give a fuck now. I give a huge fuck. The hugest. Everything else—everything—pales. To pretend otherwise, by word or deed, would be a monstrous lie.

So, with this declaration placed out in the open, understand that what I’m about to say based on my most definitely giving a fuck, is that the person that I introduce to you now, one Gerry Catinari of Sacramento CA is, in my opinion, a fully-accessorized simpleton of the lowest caliber.

This valuation I can assure you, will prove itself as being one-hundred-percent true as it is currently certified within the citadel of my own experience, backed up by nothing less than the veracity of Catinari’s soon to be reviled, own words,

Now, if I were the type of person that found myself tempted to use far less gracious terms to define said Gerry Catinari of Sacramento CA, I might be far more inclined to pronounce him as being an absolute fucking idiot, whose overall intelligence could be debatably guesstimated as being somewhere between a urinal cake, and a gallon of the fluid that provides the crucial reason for its very existence.

However, because I just so happen to be most certainly not that type of person, I’ll take the high road for now, and carry forward with the work at hand; that being the sharing of Catinari’s stunning stupidity with the world entire. Or at the very least, my very small and snarkerific slice of it.

But why is such action necessary, you ask? Surely, if Catinari is as big a scheißkerl as I claim that he is, and that I with any luck, will verify him to be, then why bother with him at all? Sure, the possibility does exist that given enough time, he might gravely injure himself by attempting to open a pickle jar using a blowtorch, or by accidentally allowing an original idea to errantly pop into his otherwise unprepared brain, but why leave such a hopeful occurrence to the whims of mercurial Fate?

Certainly, it would be easier. It would most definitely be less stressful. But it also wouldn’t be nearly as fun for me, and that’s always the deciding factor whereas how I ascertain exactly what type of implement that I’m going to use when thinning my garden of allegorical pinheads. Albeit pruning shears or a tunnel boring machine, the selection really depends on just how deep down the idiocy set in bloom before me, has rooted itself.

And therein lies why I do what I do. At this point, I believe it’s fair to say that the stereotypical Liberal approach of appealing to one’s Logic and/or Humanity, simply doesn’t work when you’re facing a cultural adversary who no longer possesses either to begin with.

Being mewingly passive, being unnecessarily diplomatic, willing to accept unwarranted compromise, and playing Devil’s Advocate to the conceptual underpinning of what Free Speech should and shouldn’t allow, is what got us collectively here in the first place, and the only way we’re going to heal the heart and the mind of this country, is if we cauterize the cancer at its’ source: that being the wellsprings of Ignorance, that persons such as Catinari, represent.

I may not be able to win the war against such dimwitted disciples entire, but I sure as hell can cripple some of their soldiers that arrogantly venture onto the societal battlefield, and that’s a fact. Play time is over kids, so lace up your anti-fascist boots and go stomp some allegorical NAZI’s, because mythical God knows, they’re just chopping at the bit to do the same to us all, when they’re finally given the legalized permission to do so.

One point of clarity though? While I in no way, shape or form, wish to imply that Catinari is indeed, himself a NAZI, as “Godwin’s Law” and all that still applies, but the fact that they seemingly use the same dry-cleaners, as well as their tandem in supporting the same political candidates, should probably be kept on the back burner, to boot. As I said, I’ll be using Catinari’s own words and social media posts to bolster my ill-regard of him, and thank Titivillus for once, that there’s quite the selection to choose from:

One-hundred-and-five-megabytes. Over 800 files. And all of it, classified into groups and then additional subgroups, within fifteen separate topic folders; these being:
(1) Conspiracies: General, Health., Political, and “Wackadoo”.
(2) Hate: LGTBQ, Misogyny, Racism, and Violence.
(#) Politics: Anything that’s politically-based that doesn’t fit into the subcategories above.
(4) Social Issues: Abortion, Guns, and the Media.

Keep in mind BTW, that this gaggle of inglorious asininity was effortlessly compiled in just under three months, at a rate of acquirement averaging out to about 20 minutes a day. Catinari may just be, up to this particular point in time, the singularly most obsessively self-owning Neocon nimrod that I have ever written about hands down, and that’s saying a lot, given the strength of competitive field that he’s up against on an hour-to-hour basis.

New, for the sake of clarity as well as your sanity, I’m not going to address all of his sub grouped stupidly in one go, as the sheer amount of it needs to be disseminated in small micro-doses, much in the same way that one might build up a tolerance to say, Arsenic or a new album by Nickelback.

However, I also want to give you a taste of just who Catinari appears to be, and just how his inadvertent role as an abstract, much like Fouche the Douche above, verifies exactly why I see him as being as one of the worst of us. So, to end this latest screed off, I’m going to present just one genius assertion from each of the main group folders, and as this story arc advances in the next pieces to come, only then will I bungee-jump into the rabbit hole in which Catinari’s pathetically wretched psyche resides:

First up, a gem from the Land of the Intellectually Lost, and this one’s a doozy, proffered by a doofus:

I’d like to note that Catinari didn’t refer to Rodgers here as a “player”, but as a “play” instead, which is appropriate, given Rodger’s already well-known penchant for sticking his foot so far into his mouth, that he can give himself a pedicure simply by brushing his hair.

Rodgers, who is literally the reason why the NFL maintains a helmet usage stipulation, has previously floated “theories” about 9-11, “chemtrails”, Inner Earth, the allegedly faked moon landing, COVID vaccines, and yes, even the lunacy that reptile-people hybrids, are an actual thing.

And yet, Catinari wonders aloud why people think football payers are “dumb”? For the life of me, I can’t figure that one out, as not only am I a reptile-person-hybrid whose very blood is the essence of the COVID vaccine, I also own a lovely summer cottage deep in the heart of Middle Earth, just outside of Gladden Fields.
Moving on to the “Hate” folder, but staying with the sports-related theme, here’s a delightful slice of misogyny pie, aimed at United States Women’s National Team star, Megan Rapinoe:

In case you deliberately forgot as Catinari most certifiably has, not only is Rapinoe, a far better human being than he himself will ever be, she’s also far more accomplished, as well.

Not only is she a three-time Olympian [2012, 2016, 2020]; who has taken the Gold as well as a Bronze, she’s also won two Women’s World Cups [2015 and 2019] awarded the title of 2019’s Women’s Player of the Year by the Fédération Internationale de Football Association, and designated by Time Magazine as one of the most influential people of 2020, to boot.

By the way, did I forget to mention that she’s also the only female soccer player in American History to be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor? You would think that Catinari being a true American, would appreciate having someone like this representing “his” country, but as she’s also openly gay, I guess we can overlook such accolades, if only to soothe his snowflake as fuck bigotry.

Next up, the one area where Catinari’s bulb of low intellect, may just possibly glimmer the dimmest: the world of Politics. This arena where he fancies himself as the Lion, and not the Lion’s lunch, is also where the majority of his idiocy, hypocrisy, and conspiracy theory, and general falsehoods are based. but for new, I’ll just share this blatantly unaware take on America, sans its actual History:

I’m guessing America is pretty great”, says the guy who openly supports the democracy-usurping insurrectionists of J6, and who with that one sentence alone, disavows Jim Crow laws, 400 years of slavery. Inherent racism, the continuing scourge of income, educational, and occupational inequity within the minority class, as well as their limited voting access and the problems of gender inequality relating to personal body autonomy, and let’s not forget the ongoing attacks against the LGBTQ Community, but yeah Gerry…

… I guess America is “pretty great”.

Thankfully, we’re almost done with this initial tasting menu showcasing Catinari’s war against all things verified, and capping it off, is the seasonal refrain of unfounded victimhood that we’ve all come to rely on as if it were the airing of “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”. Except that in this case, the allegorical problem at hand is both imaginary and self-serving, much like the character of the Grinch himself:

I’ve said it before. I know I will have to say it again. Conservatives play the victim so much, I’m surprised that at this point, a CSI team doesn’t follow them 24/7 everywhere they go.

Yes, Gerry. “We” can no longer say “Merry Christmas” in public anymore, and referring to a Christmas Tree as such, is akin in the eyes of us woke warriors, as being equal in offense to one audaciously asking that their Latte be steamed using whole milk, rather than the far more Eco-conscious Soy.

And for the love of mythical God, don’t even get me started on what will happen if you dare refer to them as “Gingerbread Men”, rather than the politically-correct epithet of ”Gingerbread-persons”. With no due respect, my paranoid pile of human skin pudding, the only thing that’s ever been verboten for you to say whereas Christmas is considered, is what you really think about your Mother-in-Law’s cooking, and how her brother Fred shouldn’t be left unsupervised around the drink cart, and that’s it.

However, did you also catch the sledgehammer-subtle touch of xenophobic racism at the core of this unjustified hissy-fit, as I did?  To quote directly; “If you don’t like our “customs” and it offends you so much then LEAVE… I will help you pack“. Two takeaways from this, the first in reference as to who this jackass thinks that they need to leave because they are ardently opposed to saying “Merry Christmas”, and second, does anyone truly believe that a self-righteously dense Conservative, would ever help a total stranger with anything?

It also strikes strange does it not, that people who consistently complain about Liberals classifying everything in sight with uniquely specific terms, would get so ridiculously upset about a generic Yuletide greeting. Nevertheless, there is a middle-ground to be found in concern to this situation, and it comes courtesy of Saturday Night Live’s Michael Che, who once joked; “Don’t think of it as me saying “happy holidays””… think of it as me saying all holidays matter.”

And with that savagely accurate rejoinder in place, I think this seems an apocopate place to bookmark Catinari’s upcoming stray-arc for now. And when I pick back up the frayed threads of his so-called intellect, I’ll be doing so in the place where his ignorance and paranoia produce idiocy such as this:  

Oh Gerry, you abominably stupid simp, we already knew what’s truly “wrong” with America, and it ain’t just Facebook. But thanks to your words, your posts, and your willingness to share them with the world entire, we’re going to figure out just what or who I should say, is really the problem.

I can only wonder where in that hierarchy of the obtuse, you’re going to place. I guess we’ll see.



“Why do we love the idea that people might be secretly working together to control and organise the world? Because we don’t like to face the fact that our world runs on a combination of chaos, incompetence and confusion.” -Jonathan Cainer