Bridge over the River Cry (Sieg Heil Snowflakes)
January 16, 2020
“Almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so.”- Robert A. Heinlein
In regards to my last screed, I discovered that publicly expressing the hope that the jackleg along with the judge who f**ked you over regarding your AZIC case wind up in a prison shower scene where all of the convicts are wearing sandpaper condoms, will not endear you one iota to the church group unfortunately sitting right next to you at your part-time writers garret and town’s watering hole, but it will increase the amount of prayers directed your way that aim to rehabilitate your soul, and quicken the pace of their lunch, so that’s a plus of sorts.
Speaking of serious soul-searching, are you tired of “winning” yet? I know I am.
I never had a definitive reference point for what can be constituted as emotional fatigue, until the Mango Mussolini who masquerades as our current President somehow managed to gaslight his corpulence into securing the most powerful job in the land. A walking, twittering, sniffling corpus of every vulgar human characteristic that was ever freed from Pandoras Box, Herr *Pilz-Penis is without doubt, the least redeemable person I have ever witnessed in my lifetime.
Keep in mind that I grew up during the Evel Knievel years, and that guy was a stone-cold bastard, covered in a piquant son-of-a-bitch-sauce. But at least he had a few qualities Trump will never be able to buy at any price, that being style, guts, and the ability to rock a white leather jumpsuit with a sense of swagger not seen since Elvis walked this Earth. Say what you will about his fashion sense, but Evel never backed down from a fight fair or not, and at least his hands were man-sized.
*[“Mushroom” in German.]
Other than his ass and ill-fitting off the discount-rack suits, everything about Trump is petitely underdeveloped- this includes not only his intellect, but his empathy, sympathy, loyalty, and sense of patriotism as well. More embarrassingly, according to professional schlong connoisseur Stormy Daniels, he’s also not packing anything between his thighs that Liz Phair would ever write a truly rocking song about. Sad. Bigly. If not covfefe beyond compare.
Granted, I myself could never present as a tangible challenge to say, Italian porn star Rocco Siffredi, but at least my gear extends past the molars, and I don’t have to cut a check for 130K every time I want to play a game of hide the Vonnegut. Just saying. In the end however, he’s really no more than the end dish of a corrupted kitchen that mixes racism, narcissism, homophobia, misogyny, and a stunning pride in being willfully ignorant, into a meal so noxious that the selection at Taco Bell comes off as if they were the ala carte Lounge Menu at Le Bernardin in New York.
And just like most things that prove to be inedible, he’ll eventually be tossed out like the trash he is. The same thought cannot be held however towards both his slavish base of cultists and willing enablers, sad to say. This now firmly-entrenched demographic, which has already proven itself to be a truly dire problem facing this country, can only be expected to ramp up both their rhetoric and threats of violence as they find themselves being forced back into the natural marginalization they had previously occupied by a despised majority they wish to see exterminated, and that right quick.
I have to be upfront here, as it’s kind of hard for me to fear people who think that by just owning a surplus of XXL-sized camo and ammo, that they’ll be able to commit a successful act of sedition, when they’ve already shown that as a rule, they can barely spell the word in the first place, and have no idea what it actually means, in the second.
MENSA candidates these people are not, but in-bloom sociopaths they have proven to be, given both their posted and public actions over the last few years. Whether it’s championing ludicrous and debunked conspiracy theories, praying for the next great “Civil War”, or espousing that former (and far better President) Barrack Obama is overseeing a shadowy governmental cabal known as the Deep State in between producing shows for Netflix, the list of unintended and inane comedy seemingly never ends.
And neither does the continually venomous ichor broth that these erroneous views produce. If it weren’t for their ability to mindlessly parrot the propaganda they glean from t-shirts, bumper stickers, Chinese-made hats, FOX “News”, and the unresearched memes these persons swallow as if they were free pork rinds, we’d all be blessed with a far more peaceful world, as their political arguments tend to be as strongly fortified as their combined intellect.
I’ve often taken the firm position that I honestly don’t care that others think differently, as long as they’re actually THINKING in the first place. When somebody open up a debate with me using any of the bottom-rung talking points that this ilk holds in such high regard, the odds are that I’d rather eviscerate them than engage in a pointless and circular argument with these barely sentient hockey pucks.
I’ve touched upon this subject before, but in essence, I barely scratched the surface. As far as topics go, this one not only possesses an almost perpetual motion momentum as it’s theoretical underpinning, it also lends itself to a wide variety of approaches as to how one can write about it, and so far, this wellspring has presented as an inexhaustible source of literary inspiration. No matter which way you want to tackle the subject of this self-lampooning cult, you seemingly can’t go wrong, and for a dedicated writer like myself, that’s mental manna straight from the perfectly defined zombie-killing arms of Milla Jovovich.
Okay, it’s nothing like that, but it’s been at least ten minutes since I mentioned her online, and I have a daily quota to meet. By way of example, when one looks at Trumpism dogma, most of the horde that trusts it tends to post ideas and beliefs so mind-numbingly stupid that one has to wonder if the majority of their nutritional intake as children was comprised solely of lead paint chips.
But this is just the natural side-effect of when one deeply supports a man so widely despised that the best he can hope for when he dies, is to have his body interred in secret, so as not to have his grave violated. There’s a previous Artbitch honoree, a faux wannabe politician from Chicago by the name of *Frank Coconate, whose unwavering devotion to Trump despite the harshness of all the information that has come out, highlights my main point as if it was born to do so.
Amusingly, even though Senor Coconuts wound up eventually blocking me on the ol’ Facebook, due to my forcing him to rely on weak rationalizations versus hard facts to serve as his defense, I still have a more than a few sources who send me random screencaps of his stuff, mainly so I can mock it. There’s an old saying that goes; “Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.”
By the way, this is truer than you know, especially when you look forward to correcting inanity in the same way a four-year old regards Christmas. And because he’s the perfect shining example of why we so desperately need to fund public education in this country like never before, I’d like to gleefully share some of his recent postings and ramblings about current events, if for no other reason than that they make me smile.
First up, here’s Frankie whining about being held responsible (yet again) for violating Facebook’s Community Standards- apparently, the guy who stalks the free website he trolls on like a politico version of The Zodiac, also lacks a basic understanding of how the clearly stated rules are applied to everyone who signs up for the service. But in his very limited defense, I’m also willing to bet he’s never read the Constitution either, which when you think about it, does explain a lot.
And if you missed it, he slurs whom ever turned him in as a “coward”, yet his role model is a cravenly shell of a man who needs a rally every three weeks because he can no longer sustain an election:Here, we see Frank parade out his longtime girlfriend, that being a diseased skank who goes by the name of Overt Racism. She’s not much in the looks department, but she’ll never fail to tell you that your baseless bigotry is damn sexy, no matter what that bitch Reality says. I could note that new immigrants are the number one demographic for entrepreneurship creation in this country, and that compared to his fellow native-born Americans, they also commit less crime, not that facts matter to Frankie in the first place.
Also, if as Frank and his ilk like to claim that true racism is a fraud, then why would he worry about being relegated to becoming a minority? In a city that according to the 2010 census, was charted as 45.3% White, 32% African-American, 5% Asian, 3% Mixed-Race, and 31.7% Non-Hispanic White, he should be just fine. Unless of course, minorities have a history of being treated bad in this country…Frank switches gears here, and showcases the hypocrisy that has infected the Christian faith as of late, by ignoring not only the “true” story of Jesus, but all of his teachings as well. Granted, I’ve never met the Dude, but he strikes me as the sort of guy who loved everyone, no matter what their skin color was, which in his case, was more likely closer to a shade of olive wood, rather than that of a Massachusetts WASP. And as a past Catholic,
I do have it on fairly good authority that he wouldn’t be cool with allowing kids to be put in cages or allowing them to die on concrete floors, either. Also, he’s not that big a fan of Christmas, because it doesn’t actually have a damn thing to do with him, and he has no idea who started that rumor in the first place.
And Frank, when you’re done fellating your never-opened Bible as a means to justify your own vile intolerance, take a moment to look up the following verses: Deuteronomy 26:5 & 27:19, Exodus 22:21 & 23:9, Galatians 3:28, Deuteronomy 10:19, Hebrews 13:2, Leviticus 23:22, Leviticus 25:35, and my favorite, Matthew 25:35. As the saying goes, “Y’all need Jesus.” And if you’re not even going to pretend to do what he says, then stop pretending you and he were ever tight.Oh boy… I always assumed that if I ever had an Uncle who while watching FOX had a stroke, it would sound a lot like this. Frankie ignores the numerous differences between the consensual skin-flute hum-job that Bill received and Donnie’s conspiring to obstruct justice, due to the fact he obviously doesn’t know what either is.
As an added bonus, he’s kind enough to let us all know that the phrase “African-Americans” is another way to identify people sometimes referred to as “Blacks”. It’s that kind of obscure educational trivia I’m sure we all find truly fascinating. And here I was, thinking there’s no way I was learning a new fact today. Man, is my face “Scarlet”. (“Red”)
A few things to dissect here. One, most of us do have a “dark side”, but unlike Bill Cosby a convicted rapist, it usually doesn’t center around willfully sexually assaulting vulnerable and drugged into unconsciousness women. Two, while accidentally mistaking a TG individual for the opposite sex at 4 in the morning, may be personally embarrassing for some, it hardly constitutes as being equivalent to the heinous act of committing multiple rapes.
And Three, considering he still thinks that a thrice-failed husband and reality TV show host is an actual President, I’m going to have to take his advice regarding African-American comedian placement with about a pound and a half of vanilla-laced salt.Can anyone else taste the ironic pretense here? She’s not qualified to talk about world affairs despite being surrounded by a cadre of qualified advisors, but a former reality TV show host who thinks that windmill noise causes cancer, that hurricanes can be stopped by the use of nuclear weapons, and who somehow bankrupted four casinos, while failing to successfully sell vodka and steaks to Americans, is?
A man so stupid that he can’t operate an umbrella, gets caught on a hot mic bragging about sexually assaulting women, and once said of his election coverage, “That was one hell of a night. I think it was maybe, you know, there are those that say one of the most extraordinary and exciting evenings in the history of television and the history of anything.” I really don’t even need to try and make a relevant joke here, as Frank’s unintentionally comedic hypocrisy is far funnier than anything I’d come up with on my best day.
Sigh… yes boys and girls, the King of POP was murdered by “greedy Globalist”, which is the singular, not the plural of the word. Grammar is unimportant when you’re overlooking the fact he might also have been a serial pedophile, and was addicted to a drug routine that eventually killed him, but there’s no reason why you can’t tack a ludicrous spy-novel take onto his tragic end, am I right?
The definition of a globalist by the way, is defined as such: “a person who advocates the interpretation or planning of economic and foreign policy in relation to events and developments throughout the world”, which naturally, make all of us not only think of the music business, but obviously Michael Jacksons’ career as well.
So, let’s take a rough tally here, shall we? Frank thus far, has shown us his affinity for racism and Christian hypocrisy, downplayed Bill Cosby’s rapes as him just having a “dark side”, and just opined that MJ was murdered by a lone and apparently greedy, globalist. I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I will say it again, but you have to stop pushing when the Q-tip you’re using to clean out your ears meets resistance, Frank.
Ok… I’ll give Frank partial credit here, even though his analysis as usual, is severely flawed. What would be more accurate for him to have stated, would be that major corporations scheming under the umbrella of a Globalist agenda, have leveraged their political and financial clout against the common citizen, to the detriment of some of our most cherished institutions. I do like however, that even when he’s on the right track, his innate hypocrisy still demands a seat at the adults table, nonetheless. The Democrats are bought and paid for, but the Republicans are not?
That is a truly full-on brass cojones kind of take on the current situation at hand. The one party that has in the last few years openly and proudly defended Nazis, pedophiles, murderers, drunk drivers, wife beaters, sexual predators, Confederate monuments, and outright treason, are somehow in Frank’s narrow estimation, wholly immune to being corrupted. This point of view is what develops when your TV only has one channel, kids. Take note, and invest in a good streaming service.
Some free advice Frank- if your personal attorney has told others of a credible threat to your person long before he informed you, it might be time to either up his retainer quite a bit, or start the process of getting yourself a new attorney. You know, one that doesn’t want to see your internal organs on the outside of your body? Just a thought.
As for the “threat” itself, I’m of the mindset that if an unsavory element in Chicago truly wanted you hurt, you’d either already be in the ICU, the river, or made into one of those deep-dish pizzas you guys do so well. Look upon this as a personal teaching moment, Frankie. It’s only a matter of time before your history of making arrogantly empty threats guides Karma to your doorstep and settles your account as a matter of principle.
But look on the bright side- you’ve been playing the wounded martyr card for so long, it would be almost a Godsend of sorts for it to actually be justified for once. And as for “feeling like Jimmy Hoffa”, while his head is almost certainly stuffed inside an oil drum, yours is just so far up your own ass, that you can see out your bellybutton.
And finally, we can see from this posting that Frank has managed to blame both the Democrats and the entertainment industry for Iran’s logical counter-reaction to the wag-the-dog distraction his Fanta-colored man-crush greenlit. Call me crazy, but I can’t give any semblance of credence to the theory that an industry which has produced 12 Friday the 13th movies are in any way, shape, or form, partially at fault for inciting a possible war with Iran.
And you really can’t lay blame on the Democrats either, since the Fanta Fascist decided that rather than inform them of his brain-dead idea to launch a military strike, he needed to have his idiot son Eric tweet about it first. This is why when Trump talks about the Constitution, I feel the need to point out that maybe we need to as a country, explain to him what his powers actually are, using flash cards as a teaching aid
If there’s one thing we can all take away from this assemblage of abject paranoiac density, it’s that the Right’s often repeated disparagements of the Left being the “intolerant” side is at best, truly and exceptionally, disingenuous. I’ll be the first to admit and this willingly, that I myself, have a zero-bulls**t policy in place in regards to my interactions with what now tries to pass itself off as the modern Republican Party. I’m all for a measured and logical debate, but I’ll happily draw the line in my opponent’s blood if the core of their so-called argument is based on nothing more than racism, misogyny, homophobia, egotism, jingoism, xenophobia, and willing ignorance- you know, the things that as functioning human beings, we’re all supposed to not tolerate in the first place?
This does not even remotely equate to what the Right has tirelessly presented as a poisonous disregard for opposite points of view, because that’s a transparent deflection from what the actual issue is. One side promotes tangible values and fights to protect them, and the other consistently searches for scapegoats to blame for problems they themselves created in the first place. Does there exist a number of organizations on the Left who can be just as violent and intractable as some of the more extremist groups we’ve seen on the Right? Most certainly.
Monkeys are going to monkey, and all that, but the key difference is that you never see the Left at an ego-stroke rally comfortably aligning itself with White Nationalism, home-grown Militia groups, and small-tackle paranoiacs who need to strap on a gun to go get coffee, now do you?
And there’s other observations backing up my point of view that I can note here, and so I shall, if just for the sake of annoying the Trumplethinskins who send me physical threats as if they were handing out supermarket samples. Note the statistics when it comes to gerrymandering, political intimidation, voter ID laws, and the illegal purging of registered voters- it’s almost exclusively a standard go-to Republican tactic.
In addition, the conservative demographic has a solid track record of harassing sexual-assault victims who dare to come forward, are constantly attacking women’s reproductive rights, marginalize the LGBTQ community as they directly and obsessively try to legislate lawful discrimination against them, go after poor people and immigrants as if they have a hunting license to do so, and are perfectly okay ripping asylum-seeking families apart, all for the sake of massaging their vulgar presidents petty and candy-assed Ego.
Truthfully, who are the ones always leading the charge against logical gun reform, student debt reduction measures, funding education, forcing corporations to pay their fair share of taxes, fixing the rigged medical care system, and any social program that benefits the poor, the elderly, and our veterans, who unlike many of the GOP Warhawks, have served with brave distinction? What party beats the over-funded war drums non-stop, but can never find any money to finance truly clean energy, fix our failing environment, feed the hungry, or house the homeless?
On top of this, let’s also call focused attention who’s usually instigated the violent incidents that have occurred at what should have been peaceful protests over the last three years. Shockingly, a political party that is seemingly okay with modern Neo-Nazis marching down American streets while chanting anti-Semitic slurs, doesn’t really have a moral leg to stand on when the subject of who’s really personally intolerant comes up for a serious societal discussion.
And when they crow about being Pro-life, know what they really mean is that they’re Pro-birth. If they weren’t, no one in this country would be hungry, sick, homeless, uneducated, have gone bankrupt from medical bills, or be watching the Kardashians for any reason. And at the rate these geniuses are ineffectively boycotting companies for (GASP!!!) acknowledging that their fellow humans have the same rights as they do and should be treated with respect and dignity, they’ll have to eventually learn how to grow their own food and coffee, brew their own beer, and make their own designer clothes and original movies, so that their faux morality isn’t triggered.
Look at it from the view of one who lives on Sesame Street, as in one of these things is not like the other, one of these things does not belong. One side shows up with hand-made signs, glitter, pink crocheted vulva hats and Pride flags, the other comes armed to the metaphorical teeth with guns, bats, paramilitary garb, riot helmets, and tear gas, all while waving the badly defeated flags of treason and racism.
And for once, I’m not talking about the Police, even though at times, they seem to be operating in coordination with these Sieg Heil goose-stepping faux patriots. For all of their propensity for spewing bile about the violence yet to come, this demographic is at the core of their candy-assed hearts, lowly cur spawns of cowardice at best. The same people who brag about how they’ll teach us “libtards” some manners sooner than later, are also the very same ones who’d rather play “I’m a Militia” in the woods, than join the real Armed Forces.
Anytime you see an American flag serving as somebody’s Facebook or Twitter avatar, it’s almost a certainty that you’re being challenged by someone too stupid to understand how a book works, and is also probably befuddled by the mechanics of bubble wrap as well.
But that’s not to say that we should ever feel completely comfortable turning our backs on these walking punchlines, though. Individually, this squad of boorish bullies are as dangerous as a glass of warm milk. En masse however, they can rapidly coalesce into a serious threat to life, liberty, and the pursuit of Truth, which is exactly what their puppet masters strive so hard to achieve. The standard modus operandi for people not cunning enough to attain their goals using logic, is to naturally fall back on their primate intellect, and threaten some form of harm.
Either to others, or to the System itself, which in their warped worldview, must surely be corrupt, due to the fact it occasionally holds them and their shameful ideals accountable.
And don’t even get me started on how these FOX-schooled Internet academics interpret what the Constitution of this amazing country truly embodies. The assurances contained within apply to everybody and all situations across the board, no matter how they’d like to misrepresent the pure context of what it actually says. Freedom of Speech and Religion also means the autonomy to not agree with either, something the faux Christian arm of the Trumpslugs have never seemingly been able to understand, even when it’s explained to them using hand-puppets.
They demand the right to use both freely to harass, but expect no blowback when they do, as they claim they’re the real victims. The concrete reality is that in this country, you’re allowed to pretty much believe (and say) almost anything you want, but even this has certain set parameters in regards to certain situations.
For instance, saying out loud that you prefer tea over coffee is acceptable, but conversely, the act of standing outside your local synagogue brandishing multiple weapons as you assert that you’re there to make tea from the bones of the Jews you’re about to savagely murder isn’t. It’s not rocket science. Hell, even the densest of Kindergartners gets this, and those adorable munchkins eat paste as if our planet is running out of it.
The challenge ahead is that after we finally rid ourselves of this self-bronzed stain on our History, we’ll still need to fix all of the damage that he and his cult of personality have enabled. Mind you, the Jinn of ignorance is out of its bottle, and there’s no benign way that we’ll be able to contain its rage, as these mentally flatulent firebrands will not just agree to go away quietly and swiftly. They’ve had a taste of authority and political power, and much like my love for Ding Dongs, that’s a hard addiction to lose the taste for, even if you’re forced to go cold turkey.
Absolute power corrupts absolutely, as the sage riposte states.
Keep this terrifying thought in mind, if you would- these people are not ethereal boogeymen, nor are they the mythical Übermensch that they prefer to view themselves as either. They are in fact, much worse. They’re doing their best to hide in plain sight among our doctors, lawyers, teachers, judges, police, military, co-workers, neighbors, relatives, friends, and as one can easily observe, our politicians as well.
They may also be our lovers too, but in the end, I’m hoping we’re all collectively better than that, no matter how good the sex is. Even coming from a position of pure cynicism, I still think some of these people are salvageable, once we gradually wean them off the Orange Kool Aid they’ve been bathing and sleeping in for the last three years or so. The rest however, may have to be written off as the resultant fatalities for their engaging in deliberately planned acts of self-inflicted madness, sad to say.
One thing is clear above all other considerations though, and that’s this: it took time to unweave the collective conscience of our society, and it’s going to take quite some more to mend it back into a cohesive whole. Whether the repair helps to make us communally stronger or even more brittle, is still anybody’s guess, but this nation will never be what it once was, that’s for certain.
All we can hope for is that it makes us better, not bitter.
“Sometimes a man wants to be stupid if it lets him do a thing his cleverness forbids.” – John Steinbeck, East of Eden