Wayne Michael Reich

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Month: March 2023

The Art of Gerry-slandering. Pt.2 (Do You Fear What Lies Fear?)

“Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.”  
– Ralph Waldo Emerson


Salutations, Bitchiteers!

It’s yet another glorious day here within my Lair of Snarkitude, and things are clicking along as if they’re a fine Swiss timepiece: the birds are singing, the Sun is shining, the clouds are extra puffy, and since I just got my Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator back from the shop, let me assure you all, that once I get it hooked back up to the ol’ Intergalactic Death-Ray Cannon that’s been patiently waiting in my back yard for months, the planet Uranus is gonna be literal toast.    

Nothing personal of course, I’m just really sick and tired of all the mispronunciations in regards to how you say its name. The correct one of course, being “YOOR-un-us”, and not I repeat, NOT, “YOUR-anus”.

As I said, it’s truly nothing personal, but after 50 years of hearing its moniker routinely mangled, on top of finding out that it smells like rotten eggs, due to its atmosphere being comprised of hydrogen sulfide, helium, methane, and some small traces of water and ammonia, I think that we should just nuke it from Earth, reprint the posters and science books, re-do the classroom models, and pretend it was never a thing to begin with.

And if we can’t do it for my benefit alone, then let’s do it for every underpaid and overworked grade-school science teacher, who has to listen to all of the jokes about it, come every beginning of the Fall semester.

Speaking of public education, the challenges it currently faces, such as the reduction of its infrastructure budgets and the repeated attacks upon its curriculum have all been the result of a campaign of focused harassment directed by agenda-driven Conservatives, who’ve in tandem, undertaken an effort to ban books, legally bar minority studies from being taught, and are at this very  moment, literally rewriting established American History to suit their own machinated purposes

Singularly, such actions would at best, possess a debatably negligible influence upon the societal aspect of our intellectual culture, but when assembled collectively as they have been, their amalgamation of asininity has rapidly managed to mutate our once semi-intelligent nation, into a mentally-bereft mecca for these of the MAGA muttonhead persuasion.

As you well know, I write somewhat consistently about the academic mendacity of such persons, and while it can be great fun for all involved, save for the subject why is the focus of such, it’s also quite the terrifying glimpse into what a morass of gathered mental illness can publicly present itself as, along with the repercussions that it can deposit within the psyche of those who already lacked the skillset inherent to truly objective critical thinking.

As I said, on the one hand it can be a lot of laughs, based on the simple joy of sarcasm at the expense of others, but as a supplementary construct, it can trigger an accordance of primal fear that strikes at the very center of our primeval lizard-brains.

To note, when it’s a free willing exercise in arrogantly pathetic inanity, it looks like this:

But when it all goes metaphorically South in a Deplorable basket, this is what we’ve sadly come to expect:

Sightseers” everyone, enjoying an under-promoted moment of the purest of “mostly peaceful chaos’, as described by the perennial histrionic hemorrhoid that is FOX News self-admitted lying demagogue, Tucker Carlson. However, if I were inclined to utter a few words in Carlson’s limited defense, I’d note that it’s not like he’s been trying to rewrite the history of any other abominably dark days in American history…

well, not as of yet anyway.

However, today’s screed subject, the previously written about Gerry Catinari of Sacramento, CA, does virtually nothing else, when it gets right down to it. In fact, his ability to be a jackass beyond compare, has easily allowed me the wherewithal to amass the following amount of research material, in concern to his uniquely dumb as all fuckery takes on almost everything firm politics to conspiracies, and the trove is massive:  

With no hyperbole involved, his file may just be the largest singular data cache that I’ve ever assembled centering on just one person, and up until the time he eventually “blocked” me, it showed no end to the slowing of its expansion. Keep this in mind if you would: between the initial publishing date of my last screed and the beginning drafting of this one an exceedingly short time-span later, Catinari added NINETY-TWO postings, in varying shades of puerility, inanity, and ignorance.

That’s a level of posting only seen in twelve-year-old TikTokkers, and angry White men with an assumed IQ of 12, such as the aforementioned Catinari. Now while he does strike me as the perfect analog for what a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Kooky-Dough-Conspiracy-Caramel would taste like if it were made from morons, he does represent a unique case study in regards to what I referenced above.

That being, what would it look like, if you knowingly took a mental affliction, and then optimistically granted it unfettered internet access?  Given all that I’ve collated and observed in regards to Catinari’s dumber than a drunken Kardashian take on realty and all things encompassed by it, I’d have to foster an educated guess that it would look exactly like this:

This sort of delusional and wretchedly asinine theory-spinning crafted out of political desperation and wishful thinking, is the main reason just why not only are you not allowed to construct a family tree that resembles a tumbleweed, but why posting your wedding with Incestry.com, to inform all of your immediate relatives as to your need for a nice toaster-oven, really isn’t the intellectual flex that you think it is.

So, despite Trump’s grafting, self-admitted episodes of sexual assault, his incompetent mangling of the Federal pandemic response, his abusing the authority of the office to go after his political and personal enemies, be they real or imagined, his multiple attempts to illegally influence the results of a free and fair election, and the thankfully failed insurrection that it inspired, none of that actually counted for anything?

Yeah, that totally makes sense. The “real’ reason why Trump was twice-impeached, internationally disrespected, openly jeered, publicly reviled, and eventually FAIRLY voted out of the chair his fat ass never should have been allowed to occupy, in light of the cultural; carnage that he caused, was, because “they” were covering for a person that up until the election, most Americans had never heard of.

Even better, is Catinari’s assertion that the aforementioned yet anonymous “they”, were worried about being exposed by a man with such great intellect that he, and I swear to mythical God that I am not making this up; kept staring directly at the sun during a solar eclipse until told not to do so, claimed that “nobody knew that healthcare could be so complicated“, and in addition, once gave a confused political speech about people having sex on boats to an audience of BOY SCOUTS.

He publicly suggested to scientists the possibility of killing the virus via the injecting of people with UV light or disinfectants. Then, after finding himself hospitalized with COVID-19, same said “stable genius” released photographs of himself signing blank pieces of paper as proof that he was still “working”, and in relation to a national disaster regarding Puerto Rico, said that a hurricane was “one of the wettest we’ve ever seen, from the standpoint of water“..

Let’s also not forget that he embarrassingly saluted a North Korean general, bragged incessantly about repeating the simple phrase “person, woman, man, camera, TV” as if he had delivered the modern-day equivalent of the Gettysburg Adress, reiterated multiple lies about the number of people at his weak-ass inauguration, and when once asked what he was thankful for at Thanksgiving he said….


And this narcissistic cretin was the one that “they” feared would be their evil machinations undoing?

It’s one thing to be dumb. But when you’re this goddamn stupid, they should just lock you in a room wallpapered in bubble-wrap, and water you every now and then, if only for the good of your long-suffering community, held-as-hostages-family, and alleged friends. Speaking of which, let’s meet one of Catinari’s only allies in his ever-continuing quest to embarrass himself in public, his heterosexual life-partner, Steve Laux:

Normally if I were dealing with actually intelligent people, I’d suggest that “class attracts class”, and leave it at that. However, in this case, watching these two attempting to play off each other in their two-person circle-jerk-as-a-straight-line, is cringe-inducing at best. Especially when Laux, after watching Catinari blow his Neocon nut-juice over every surface that he can aim at, steps in as Catinari’s allegorical squeegee mop:

I’ve often heard the phrase that “Birds of a feather, flock together”, but I never realized that it also applied to those people who are truly “bird-brained”, as well. I guess you do learn something new every day after all. That is, unless you’re a gullible simpleton, such as Catinari seems to be. This man of few letters and even less coherent thoughts, swallows’ conspiracies much in the same way that Jenna Jameson’s mouth once did for the random penii of on-screen pizza delivery drivers.
Along with a chance variety of plumbers, firemen, and bosses. That woman had truly dynamic thespian range.

Interestingly, while Catinari and Laux are ideologically connected at the hip, their style of attack is somewhat differing, as we shall come to see. Whereas Catinari seems to prefer applying the act of cravenly deflection, (that is when he’s not running away) Laux is obviously the one who considers himself to be an Alpha, despite the blatant reality that he’s the guy who goes and gets the Beta-Cucks their coffee.

Take for instance, this exchange, wherein Laux eventually displays his true character, in regards to the as yet unknown-reason-why suicide of the prominent billionaire financier Thomas H. Lee, who was once heralded as the “Envy of Wall Street”:

Lee was found dead in his office bathroom, with a single gunshot wound to his head, with his Smith & Wesson revolver lying next to him. No foul play is suspected, and Lee’s suicide has been described as “shockingly unexpected” by those who knew him well. And while Lee did have strong ties to the Democratic political hierarchy, there is no current wave of “Democratic suicides”, as Catinari without evidence or contextual accreditation, inferred.

Political suicide perhaps, by not taking a stringer stand against the fascist wave that is the currently guiding the GQP leadership, but real suicide? Not by a long shot, if you’ll pardon my tasteless pun. And speaking of tastelessness, here’s Laux’s ever so thoughtful commentary concerning the tragic death of someone he never met, never knew, and didn’t care about, until he read Catinari’s post:

Once again, the party of “Family Values”, “Pro-Life”, and “All Lives Matter”, shows us all, exactly who and what they truly are, and what they so proudly represent: hate, divisiveness, and a disturbingly sociopathic disconnection from their fellow humans, not seen since the glory days of the Völkischer Beobachter.

While Laux’s dedication to serving as an allegorical gimp for an obvious moron does say a lot about the strength of his loyalty, it also most certainly, highlights that much like Catinari, questioning the patently absurd is an ability that’s quite outside the scope of his intellectual reach. By way of yet another example, let us peruse Catinari’s smorgasbord of poorly presented mental offal, masquerading as a debate “point”:

Unquestionably, there are a few arguments to rationally explore within this miasma of paranoiac puerility, but as is Catinari’s way, anything that he doesn’t care to understand or bothered to engage in the merest research of, finds itself immediately pigeonholed as nothing less than a Machiavellian intrigue designed to deceive. A rather curious quirk of character, that I was more than happy to recognize out in the great wide open:

To his limited credit, Laux does somewhat nobly attempt to go down swinging, just like you’d expect a mentally-challenged Gibbon falling out of an unfounded Ivory Tower to do, but unfortunately, Laux’s application of sarcasm is really more of a verification of the frustration that he feels regarding his (and Catinari’s) consistent inability to ever win a debate using factual evidence, pulled from a credible source.

As I myself, have no idea what the impact of such failure must do upon one’s psyche, I would have to genuinely think that it must be vexing as all f**k. C’est la vie. Such is the path of the academically bereft.

Nevertheless, across the breadth of the conspiracy landscape, one of the main areas of deluded dissension that loons such as Catinari have most definitely overdosed on, is the Blue Pill parable alleging that modern-day vaccines are now a method of collective “control” over us all. You know, the society that’s so addicted to our personalized tech, that we barely take any dedicated notice of the existent reality around us to begin with?

With no due respect offered, I don’t fear Moderna or Pfizer, half as much as I fear T-Mobile cutting off my Google access. My snarkiness aside for this brief moment, it’s truly a fantasy so absurd, that even a gullibility-guzzling dipstick like Catinari wouldn’t dare dream to espouse it, and I say this with nothing less than supreme confidence:Goddammit. There goes yet another perfectly fine theory, concerning the intelligence of Humanity in general, right out the proverbial window. And lest we forget, those darn things are freaking expensive to replace. However; ignorance, even when bought at a bargain, costs far more in the long run, as these two posts attest to:

For the sake of clarity, I’ll address these two slices of loon-pie separately. First, the concept of a “cashless” society is nothing new, having been around since the first human traded valued goods for services, AKA; “bartering”.. However, the modern-day societal seeds were arguably planted in the early 1990’s with the advent of electronic banking and online transactional facilities such as Apple Pay, that serve as representative digital wallets. 

At the moment, the Federal Reserve’s official position regarding a cash-free financial system, is as follows: “While the Federal Reserve has made no decisions on whether to pursue or implement a central bank digital currency, or CBDC, we have been exploring the potential benefits and risks of CBDCs from a variety of angles, including through technological research and experimentation. As part of this process, we sought public feedback on a range of topics related to CBDC. The Federal Reserve is committed to hearing a wide range of voices on these topics.”

Now, there is a great deal to be said in concern to the pros and the cons of such a system, but I harbor serious reservations that Catinari given his proclivity for regurgitating falsehoods as if he were a vomitous parrot, has done even the barest modicum of research either way, in regards to what they may be. As it is with all overlorded conveniences, power and the abuse or dissemination of it, depends solely on the individual/s in charge of it.

Do I think that this type of system could be detrimentally applied if it’s placed in the wrong hands? Yes, for the possibility does exist.  But do I also believe that I should start running around screaming about how the sky entire is falling, just because an allegorical leaf landed at my feet? No. Mainly because unlike Catinari, I don’t live in a self-created dystopian world so fearful, it causes me to cast suspicion on all that I see.

Addressing Catinari’s second meme in concern to the two drugs that Trumpanzees latched onto like a Kardashian does with bad spousal choices, the data in regarding their overall ineffectiveness, was clearly stated from rather early on, when the C19 pandemic was juggernauting along. According to the FDA, Ivermectin is approved for human use to treat infections caused by some parasitic worms and head lice and skin conditions like rosacea. Currently, data does not show ivermectin as being effective against C19.

Disturbingly, many of the mental midgets that Catinari aligns with, when faced with an inability to get the version of Ivermectin designed for human use, started taking large quintets of the version formulated specifically for, [wait for it] HORSES, instead. A decision that even the Lord of Natural Selection, Darwin himself, was caught off guard by.  And that dude hands out multiple awards for human stupidity every year.

Several deaths and severe complications naturally followed this rash of inane conclusions made by the highly uneducated, because as it turns out, a drug manufactured for a 1200lb animal tends to be a mite bit too strong for the far-lighter creatures that ride upon its back. But what of the other drug Catinari mentioned, that being the immunosuppressive drug known as Hydroxychloroquine, you may ask?

Well, the hews there is just as bleak. According to a report released by the FDA, serious heart rhythm problems and other safety issues, including blood and lymph system disorders, kidney injuries, and liver problems and failure, were noted in people who had been using Hydroxychloroquine, and the drug itself showed no benefit for decreasing the likelihood of death, speeding recovery, or displaying any ability to kill or inhibit the virus that causes C19.

And yet, Catinari’s pissed that the powers that be stepped in to dutifully quell both the drugs’ usage  and the misinformation that was responsible for the easily preventable deaths and long-term physical harm that were arising from such? What absolutely detestable bastards these people must be, says I.

It’s almost as if they believe that they have the responsibility to protect the public from themselves, as if they were tasked to be the sitting Government or something. Oh, wait. Scratch that. Because not only are they the Government, that’s literally the obviously implied definition of their chartered obligations to us, their citizens.

Catinari though, being somewhat more than your average cultist, isn’t about to let a few pesky details such as truth and accuracy, get in the way of his groundless qualms that he and his fellow Neocons are the target of collusions. both malevolent and ingrained. So, when flying the banner of anti-vaxism fails to catch emblematic collective fire, there’s always the pennant of culture-war politics to shelter under:   

Say what you will about Catinari, and I most certainly encourage you to do so, he’s definitely a guy who fond of the mendacity medley mashup, that’s for sure. And all of the classico are being played here: absurd conspicuous, unwarranted victimization, and of course, the ever-expanding scheme to set-up Donald Trump by using the nefarious tactic of exposing everything that he says, and everything that he does.

In order of debunking: no, the FBI did not pay Twitter 3.4M to “silence” Conservatives, and even far more indigenous is the fact that Catinari’s post disingenuously amalgamates two distinctly disparate occurrences in rider to cloud the actual issues at hand.

Documents released by Twitter’s current owner Elon Musk, show not only that the FBI flagged Twitter accounts the agency believed violated Twitter’s terms of service, (an action that any registered Twitter user can do) they also revealed that shows the FBI paid Twitter $3.4 million for Twitter’s processing of information requests the FBI made through the Stored Communications Act, which has NOTHING to do with said reported accounts.

Nowhere within the document cache, is there any discussion or demand that information be censored, Conservative-themed posts or accounts be taken down or suspended, or the requirement that any firm of content moderation be applied unequally to those users or accounts of the Right-leaning variety, either.

The documents however, do illustrate the company’s internal pondering about how to handle the Hunter Biden’s laptop story, how it handled the restricting of high-profile right-wing accounts that vitiated the TOS, which in the end, also included the former President, self-admitted adulterer, liar, grafter, and attempted insurrectionist, Donald J. Trump, as well. And once again, NOWHERE is there any mention or demand from the FBI that specific accounts or their postings be suspended or banned outright.

In addition, the internal certification shows that the information requests for which Twitter received said FBI-borne compensation refer to requests for data such as public or “protected” tweets, a user’s direct messages, the email or IP address allied with said account/s, or even the creation date of the account itself, and all of this, only under the clearly defined auspices of the Stored Communications Act. via the form of legal court orders such as subpoenas and warrants.

You knew, documentation that unlike the majority if Catinari’s fever-dreams, can actually be verified? Interestingly, Federal law also dictates that Twitter (and ither like companies) is entitled to compensation for the cost of constructing or conserving such data, to boot. But yeah… this exceedingly well-documented series of occurrences, is still all part of a deeply well-entrenched conspiracy, nevertheless.

As for Catinari’s rejoinder about the “woke” journalists who were temporarily banned for a week until the public outcry became too loud for Musk to ignore, I’d point out that for a so-called proponent of “Free Speech”, as Musk has remolded himself to be, banning said journalists whose only transgression was accurately pointing out his blatant hypocrisy in regards to such, served only to validate it as Gospel, and not as the hearsay that both he and Catinari wish it truly was.

This of course, now leaves us with one last false claim to disprove: the assertion that Pelosi’s staff “coordinated” to stop additional security from being sent to the Capitol on J6. Considering that Tucker has claimed that J6 was a day of ”mostly peaceful chaos”, and Catinari, that the persons involved were “set-up” to do so, an absurdity that I will discuss down the road in a bit, then I must ask this simple question:

Ii you knew that J6 was going to be either peaceful, or the initial step in setting forth a nefarious plan to turn the incident into political prisoners as Catinari pathetically propagates, wouldn’t you make it a specific point to either reduce the risk of an over effective security protocol creating unnecessary conflict or getting in the way of your plans, just as a precaution?

In other words, wouldn’t you have planned for a bare-bones security detail, rather than what was already pre-set in place? Seems strange that the Deep State would roll a “Valkyrie” type plan into motion, then blow it in the last ten minutes before its implementation by forgetting such a key detail, doesn’t it? But what do I know? I’m German, and we as a people, tend to learn from our crucially obvious mistakes.

Well at least by the second time, anyways.

Sadly, for Catinari’s claim of cabal-fomented malevolence, the Speaker of the House is not in charge of Capitol security. That responsibility falls upon the Capitol Police Board, which oversees the US Capitol Police and approves requests for National Guard assistance, as well. In addendum, Pelosi also cannot affect who is appointed to the Board, which consists of the House and Senate Sergeants at Arms, the Architect of the Capitol and the Chief of the Capitol Police.

In fact, not only are the Sergeants at Arms duly elected by the demonstrative political entities that they represent, they must also be confirmed by their said particular chambers, and even the Architect themselves, must be Congressionally dually confirmed to their position, as well.

Former US Capitol Police Chief Steven Sund, testified before the Senate in February of 2021, that Pelosi had no involvement in the security decisions made ahead of January 6, and that he approached both Sergeants at Arms on January 4, to request the National Guard via an Emergency Declaration from the Capitol Police Board.

And even Bee Barnett, director of communications and programs for the U.S. Capitol Historical Society, has stated that; “No one person oversees USCP — the oversight apparatus includes representation from the Architect of the Capitol, the House and Senate Sergeants at Arms, as well as committees from both Houses of Congress,”

So as usual, Catinari, as well as his “source”, is full of unadulterated horseshit, in regards to the veracity of both his clam and the existence of those supposed E-mails that even Google has yet to discover.

A brief aside for my newest BFF: As a noun: RESEARCH [1] Studious inquiry or examination. Especially; investigation or experimentation aimed at the discovery and interpretation of facts, revision of accepted theories or laws in the light of new facts, or practical application of such new or revised theories or laws. [2] The collecting of information about a particular subject [3] Careful or diligent search.

As a transitive verb: RESEARCH [1] To search or investigate exhaustively.[2] (intransitive) To engage in research.

Glad I could threw in the assist Gerry, because it seems that you consistently need one when it comes to the act of separating your paranoid fantasies from easily definable if not  transparently discoverable, reality. As you may have surmised, although while Catinari has the capacity to scour the web for erroneous partisan pretense, in tandem it also appears that he has no idea how to distinguish what’s obviously verified from what’s blatantly not.

Take this revisited example from earlier for instance, regarding the unexpected suicide of prominent billionaire financier Thomas H. Lee, where Catinari for whatever reason, felt the unnecessary need to expound upon his previously already superfluous “thoughts” in relation to a situation that he apparently didn’t bother to explore for one iota past his initial involvement:  

WOW! That IS something. Especially if “they” are saying that Lee managed to successfully commit suicide by simultaneously shooting and hanging himself at the same time. Even I find that suspicious as all get out. Or I would, if such a thing was the case to begin with. SPOILER: it’s not. But how do I know this for certain, you ask? To be fair, the circumstances for my certified knowledge are kind of embarrassing:

Yes. The answer is yes. You DID read that correctly. The article link that Catinari HIMSELF posted, not only says nothing about his explosive claim that Lee’s self-orchestrated demise was the end result of his dually hanging and shooting himself, it also clearly defines exactly what did happen, as I noted with an air of almost giddy amusement to my satisfaction, and Catinari’s later eventual annoyance.

In case you missed it still, Catinari literally just inadvertently displayed incontestable evidence that he hadn’t even bothered to read what he willingly posted as his rock-solid “proof” that Lee’s tragic and unforeseen death, was far more mysterious, if not wholly machinated, past those factors which I previously discussed earlier.

Sad to say though, this isn’t the first time that he’s done this sort of thing, and I dare say that it won’t be the last time either, as he appears to be a creature of cravenly habit, in concern to his apparently incessant need to undergo self-propelled public humiliation, as reinforced by this posting:WOW, WHAT A STORY! Or it would be, “if”… I’m sure you already see where this is going, do you not?

Beating all statistical probabilities, Catinari’s pudding-sharp instincts have led him yet again, to a clearly obvious bear trap, replete with a flashing neon sign that reads; “Don’t stick your spawn-hammer inside this, whatever you do!”, and yet he’s gone ahead and done so anyway, because the ever-so–not-awake mentally-disconnected powerhouse that is Gerry Catarini, isn’t a man who follows the herd of sheep, he leads them.

And in this particular case, that would be right through the openly welcoming dears of a slaughterhouse:

Is anybody else out there, getting the same feeling as myself, that Catinari was that one kid in his high school who had to be repeatedly told not to go bobbing for apples inside the confines of a deep-fat fryer?

Sadder still, is that it took me (according to Google) the total sum of 0.49 seconds, to discover that this story was indeed, 100% false.

The satire site that is the source of this fanciful tale, is known as America’s Last Line of Defense, which clearly identifies its online content as being patently fallacious, and therefore, not to be taken seriously on any logical level. In fact, a vist to their home page, reveals the following info on open display:

“Before you complain and decide satire is synonymous with ‘comedy’: sat·ire ˈsaˌtī(ə)r noun: The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, OR ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. Everything on this website is fiction. It is not a lie and it is not fake news because it is not real. If you believe that it is real, you should have your head examined.

Any similarities between this site’s pure fantasy and actual people, places, and events are purely coincidental and all images should be considered altered and satirical. See above if you’re still having an issue with that satire thing.”

Overall, that should be enough contextual clarity fir anyone whose brain still functions the way Nature intended it to,, but as we’ve seen, Catinari doesn’t place stock in anything that the GQP hasn’t cleared officially with Trump first. But even if you somehow missed that clearly defined caveat, there’s still plenty of obvious signs on the main site itself, that something about this story, isn’t quite right:

First off, there’s the circumstances of the subject matter itself: how in the name of sanity, would Milano supposedly “lose” 13M getting into a personal feud with the planet’s answer to what an allegedly racist and wholly narcissiic Marshmallow Peep might look like? Second, how dumb would you have to fucking be to honestly believe that the article’s author was actually named “Flagg Eagleton-Patriot”?

Catinari level obviously, would be my actually educated guess. This brings to mind a related query: if Catinari and his significant other have ever watched a porn film, did he also accept without question at that time, that the Christian-born name of the lead actor was actually indeed, “Rockhardt Steele”?

But the most obvious giveaway that this is a false narrative, is staring us directly in the face using the in-joke descriptive of  “The Dunning-Kreuger Times”.

For those of us in the know, “Dunning-Kruger’” (AKA “the D-K Effect”) is a cognitive bias whereby people with limited knowledge or competence in a given intellectual or social domain greatly overestimate their own knowledge or competence in that domain relative to objective criteria or to the performance of their peers or of people in general. Remind us of anyone in particular, say Gerry, perhaps?

And while it’s true that “Misery loves company”, apparently so too, does ignorance as well. Who knew?

I have no idea what occurred within the shifting energies of the Space-Time Continuum to bring these two singular dipshits together, but I do get the impression that somewhere in an alternate universe, their visages popularly inhabit toilet paper rolls, and are openly disparaged via highly insulting drinking songs.

And because Catinari’s sense of irony is as well-developed as his grasp on reality itself, he was probably unaware of the humor provided by his posting the below meme, directly underneath the one that I just debunked:

Nevertheless, I do know what you’re thinking right now: sure, Catinari seems to be a world-class ignoramus, or perhaps even a pustular pinhead of near-Olympian proportions, but certainly after finding himself embarrassed by his own misinterpretation, and then bamboozled by a blatantly transparent satirical story, there’s no way in all of New Jersey, that he’d fall for such a ruse again, correct?

To that, all I can say is that your unwarranted optimism regarding Humanity in general, is truly admirable:

WOW! WHAT A… oh heck, you know far too well what’s coming next, and it’s just as you’d expect it to be:

Sigh. It seems that yet again, and despite his being called out several times in concern to his willful inability to undertake the merest of competent research in order to certify any of his claims, Catinari got suckered. However, in his exceedingly limited defense, it was perpetrated by a disingenuous prankster of only the highest caliber. That being of course, THE VERY SAME SATIRE SITE that made him look like a devoted disciple of dipshittery, somewhat earlier before:

I used to once hold, and that with a great deal of personal reserve, the simple faith that that no matter how devolved in intellect that Humanity might become, that there would never arise a person so goddamn dense, that they’d try to lick the beaters of a hand mixer while they were still moving, but after dealing with the mental midget that is Catinari, I’m no longer sure about the validity surrounding this formerly jocular take of mine.

However, it would be quite rude of me to dismiss him fully as a barely sentient and walking rice cake, for after all, nobody is truly a cartoon. As the old saying goes; “Hitler was nice to his dogs”, and all that. But that maxim gets tested when you realize that the addendum of “right up to the moment where he shot one, and poisoned the other”, never gets discussed.

There are shades of subtlety in everyone and to everything, so for me to casually disregard Catinari’s overall intellect could be perceived as being rather arrogant, I think. Just because I uncovered with zero effort, a truckload of ignorance and personal gullibility, doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s quite the dullard, now does it? For that, I would need an incontrovertible piece of evidence from the Universe itself:

Holy fucksticks… he really is a goddamn maroon. I know that Steve Laux, earlier in his insipid commentary. referenced the supposed condition of “TDS” [Trump Derangement Syndrome] that Liberals are allegedly afflicted with, but for the love of Mike Lindell, this is actually what it looks like.

When your guy loses SIXTY-FOUR LEGAL CHALLENGES IN A ROW, and then attempts a coup, it’s way past the time and place where you should have gotten off the train. If you’re still flying the allegorical flag of a disgraced twice-impeached traitor as certification of your allegorical patriotism, I can assure you all that is so not the flex that you think it is.

I mean… Catinari still openly supports a liar, a grafter, an adulterer, a self-admitted attacker of women, a seditious lecher, a dictator-praising… oh, I’m sorry what’ was that you were saying?

Of course, we do. What with it being out in the open and all, but also because and Trump ever the wounded narcissist, literally can’t keep his yap shut about his crimes to begin with. And yet, all of these proven case studies as to Trump’s guilt across a wide spectrum of criminality, passes through Catinari’s intellect unblemished and undigested, as if it were corn passing via the colon of a two-year-old.

As it always seemingly is with Neocons, everything that they do or say, is motivated by hate. If you don’t believe me, just take a look at how many regulations that they’ve drafted banning books, classroom studies, women’s’ body autonomy, and the newest scapegoat, Drag Queens, but not a single line scribed in regards to inflation, skyrocketing feed and home prices, aiding the poor, or helping the disadvantaged.

But they do have plenty to say about payback for transgressions, both real and imaginary:

What a great message of unification and diplomacy, delivered courtesy of the bearded ball of pubic hair that is Ted Cruz. No offense to whomever is calling the actual shits within Trump World, but if you’re going to deliver a threat that you want taken seriously, I’d suggest next time that your champion not be a whiny-ass Beta-bitch, whose spine is gifted with the same tensile strength that Kraft granted microwaved Velveeta.

And as you’d expect, I did have to point that out to Catinari’s bright as a burnt-out-bulb intellect:

As I said, what motivates today’s GQP, is HATE. Regardless of the actions be they peaceful or otherwise, of whomever it is that they are targeting at that moment in time, craven conservatives like Catinari, are just spoiling for a fight, nevertheless. That’s it. In a nutshell. They don’t want positives societal change, so much as they want the comfort of their own self-created chaos.

And if there’s one overriding priority that they have firmly squared away in their so-called minds, it’s to paint themselves as the “real” Americans, and everyone else as seditionary agents, which in and of itself is hilarious, if only for the inadvertent hypocrisy barely disguised within its message of supposed offense:

Once again, and in order of density, let us flay this bitch-fest alive. with all of the mercy it does not deserve. First, America has a number of “socialist” programs in place, ranging from Social Security, to your local Police and Fire departments, so stop using a buzzword Gerry, that you don’t know the meaning of to begin with.

Second, in relation to the “shredding” of the Constitution, your treasonous ex-president said; “Do you throw the Presidential Election Results of 2020 OUT and declare the RIGHTFUL WINNER, or do you have a NEW ELECTION? A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution”, so maybe at this point of presenting yet another personal embarrassment, you should just seriously shut the fuck up.

Carrying on, no one has “opened the borders”, for if they had, I can guarantee you that every lawn in my neighborhood would look fantastic, and I’d be getting my morning Chai from one of the six taco trucks that would make it a point to park themselves outside my house, 24/7. They know where the real money is to be made, and that’s anywhere I am, when I find myself with a craving for chile relleno..

Down the road and in a future screed, I’m going to highlight your inherent racism, so for now, you’re just an ignorantly hateful bigot, and that’s all there is to say about that,

As we progress forward, there’s Catinari’s meme-claim that Leftist forces (I assume) are trying to “eliminate our history”, which as we all know is thinly veiled White Supremacy cede for “Them there Blacks are getting all uppity about our racist flags and statues of traitors again”. This level of tone-deaf hypocrisy common from the very same people who are currently demanding that African-American history not be taught in “their” schools, is priceless, if not entirely pathetic as well.

And since we’re already neck-deep in duplicity, why not go into its deep-end by addressing the meme’s whine that same said Lefties are “destroying our values”, as posited by the party that now lauds their indifference to misogyny, racism, homo & transphobia, antisemitism, greed, the suffering of sexual assault and gun violence survivors, as positives towards their building of a conservative legacy.

However, the last claim within this mentally-bereft meme, is truly the part that I like the most: “poisoning the minds of the next generation”, are we, Gerry? Do fucking tell:

Ahh… the joys of childhood. Is there anything more stereotypical of one’s youth, than the experience of being forcefully indoctrinated into a personality cult based in and on, the vilest characteristics of abominable human nature? Nay, says I. And if you think I’m being overly harsh here, just imagine this kid as a teenager, asking your daughter if she’d be his date for the Prom:

Quick show of hands? How many of you out there if you saw this kid on your doorstep, would circle him with salt and then scream bloody murder, until the services of an old priest and a young priest, could be successfully acquired?  Yup. That’s what I thought. I have no idea who this modern-day member of the Hitlerjugend is, but I can assure you that at least one of his so-called parents, is a goddamn awful human being,

Don’t say it. You think that I, with that mention of the Hitlerjugend, just violated the tenets of Godwin’s Law, don’t you? Well, I maintain that I didn’t.

For those of you who may not know just what “Godwin’s Law” is, [AKA: Godwin’s Rule of Hitler analogies] it is a declarative belief asserting that if an online discussion goes on for any length of noticeable time, someone will eventually as a rule, compare someone else to Hitler. Interestingly, the law is surmised of being applicable to tête-à-têtes about any imaginable topic.

And the reason why I don’t feel that I in good faith, transgressed said societal law? This abominable post:

Yup. You read that right. Catinari just compared the Holocaust to the mocking of MAGAts, and did so with a straight face. Metaphorically speaking, that is. For the record, the Nazis murdered anywhere from 15,003,000 to 31,595,000 people, with the average academic consensus diplomatically centering on the tally of 20,946,000 deaths in total.

Victims included men, women, and up to 1,000,000 of this number, were children. Others that were slaughtered wholesale on this notation of Man’s barbarism towards their fellow man, include the disabled and chronically ill, the elderly, POW’s, forced laborers, camp inmates, staunch opponents of the NAZI regime, homosexuals, and those of Jewish, Slavic, Serbian, German, Czechoslovakian, Italian, Polish, French, and Ukrainian ancestry, as well.

And none of these horrific numbers BTW, factor in the civilian and military-related deaths associated with WW2, either but it’s not like Catinari himself “gets it”, or that, to begin with. Maya Angelou said it best: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” And the first thing that I believe whereas Catinari is involved, is that despite its humble origins, it is possible to bestow life upon a discount-brand box of Instant Vanilla Pudding, after all.

Tell you what, Gerry: when MAGA supporters are legally excluded from holding political office, when their children are legally barred from attending public schools and universities, legally disenfranchised from their right to vote, legally barred from having sex with or being able to marry a non-MAGA supporter, or can’t be admitted to municipal hospitals, or find themselves required to register their domestic and foreign property and assets to the Federal government, or are forced to sell their business to non-MAGAts, then I’ll start to see that your cause is truly under attack.

When you and your ideologically paranoid ilk are forbidden to be treated by non-MAGAt doctors, or are denied a license to practice law for being a MAGAt, or are forced to comply with a decree that bars you alone from entering a cinema, a theater, sports facilities, and the like, then I might get in bed with your idiocy. If you are ever forcibly forbidden to enter designated “non-MAGA” zones, then I’ll most certainly apologize for implying that you’re an absolute fucking loon, whose blood has been replaced with Orange Kool-Ade, and your brain with a spoiled cabbage.

However, I’m still gonna make fun of you regarding your hat choices, albeit a MAGA one, or the standard tin-foil I think that you’re currently wearing now. And if and when you and your fellow MAGA morons wind up in a place that has a sign like this out front, after being deposited there by the Trump train, I can guarantee that…

…then and ONLY then, will you finally “get it” as to why blindly following an obvious fascist who placed you there when you no longer served his purpose, may not have been the best of your already limited ideas. And just in case you were wondering Gerry, the sign says “WORK MAKES YOU FREE”, which is sort of ironic, because so does thinking critically, and thus far, I haven’t seen you utilize any of that.

As I’ve showcased using Catinari’s own words and postings, Neocons such as he tend to be fueled by a corrosive mixture comprised of unwarranted hate, willful ignorance, and a bizarre psychosis in which they attempt (and usually fail) to play themselves off as being either the triumphant victor or the aggrieved victim of cruel fate, but ,one if my favorites is when they try to do both, and only come off as hypocrites:

May I note that Catinari’s use of a cartoon character that is the antithesis of all that he represents and believes in, is just yet another example of his disconnection from established cultural icons. The odds are that he only saw the message, and knee-jerked it’s hypocrisy into his posting schedule, because as I’ve clearly established, he’s reactive, not proactive. Especially where the area of self-created traps is concerned:

I tells ya’, some days it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. With an ICBM. And all of the fish were dead to begin with

.From my lips to the ears of mythical God himself, I swear that the only thing sadder than a Conservative attempting to claim the mantle of false victimhood, is when they endeavor to do the same in regards to being masters of the moral high ground, as well. I’m honestly not sure if I should laugh at the chutzpah of this, or be seriously concerned for Catinari’s already tenuous grip on certified realty, given its disingenuousness.

If you would Gerry, please remind us all which party it was and is, that burned books in Tennessee, banned a library’s worth in Florida, demanded without evidence or due process, the arrest of its supposed political enemies, introduced bills attacking the LGBTQ Community directly, passes laws allowing more guns to flood out streets and schools, once had a member refer to women as being no more than “earthen vessels”, and oh yes, attempted to overthrow established democracy when it lost the mist powerful seat in the land because its de facto leader is a treasonous man-child?

Because those cats sound like the type of persons that I’d openly classify as “the Bad Guys”. Just sayin’.

For all of his incessantly petulant whining about the injustice he suffers at the hands of persons who’ve  undertaken no such punitive actions against him, Catinari has forgotten the one basic rule that applies unilaterally to all of Humanity’s sins: It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways. No cabal. No Leftists. No Deep State. And no battalion of the imaginary Woke Warriors Brigade, either.

If Catinari needs to see the true enemy he must fight, then I’d suggest that he take a long deep look into a mirror.

To quote the character of Lucifer Morningstar from the graphic novel series, the Sandman; “Why do they blame me for all their little failings? They use my name as if I spent my entire days sitting on their shoulders, forcing them to commit acts they would otherwise find repulsive. ‘The devil made me do it.’ I have never made one of them do anything. Never. They live their own tiny lives. I do not live their lives for them.”

In essence Gerry, nobody’s treading on you, sweetie. So, suck it up, you delusional blubbercup.

Nonetheless, I can’t really place all the blame for Catinari’s cringe-inducing stupidity squarely on his shoulders alone, especially since they’re already overworked keeping that big block of granite that he wittily calls his head, from throwing off his balance. No, part of the culpability must be set at the cloven hooves of the “news sources” that he acquires his so-called “information” from.

Refreshingly, I’m not referring to any additional satire sites, despite his being quite fond of those, but to be fair, they only represent a truly infinitesimal portion of his daily diet of bullshit. It can be assumed that like mist nattering Neocons, Catinari trolls the standard low-rent Alt-Wrong websites looking for his daily fix of flatulent falsity, but as he’s also allegedly dumber than a tureen if dirt soup, he can’t even get that right.

Take for instance, these screen-grabs of the so-called journalism presented by the main website that Catinari employs to consistently embarrass himself in public, Whereas the stories themselves are obviously politically slanted to no one’s imminent surprise, it’s what they don’t possess, that should immediately catch your eye:

Did you catch it? And if not, how did you miss it?

Call me crazy, but I highly doubt that a knowledgeable and reputable journalistic media concern, would mangle the commonalities of proper grammar, as well as basic English, such as these so incompetently do. And when given that this is one of Catinari’s main sources for fueling his inane ideology, it’s pretty clear as to how he misinterprets the constructs of actual Reality, as he so often does.  

In my estimation, the validity of a thing as it actually exists, is inconsequential as to what Catinari wants it to be, regardless of whether he can prove it or not. And keep in mind, that this is a guy who gets body-checked frequently in regards to the veracity of his so-called proof of theorem. Catinari simply does not learn. Nit from his mistakes, which are multiple and consistent. Not from the corrections related to them, which share the same unity., and most certainly, not from the sources of his patently false or cherry-picked information, either.

And when his “research’ is taken into consideration, it’s clear that Catinari doesn’t get irony, as well:

This blatant cluelessness is so not much a glitch in Catinari’s mental matrix, as it is a permanently installed feature, and it extends far past just his missing the point of the obvious. as this example so clearly shows:

Once again, and with all the due venomous sardonicism i can muster, do fucking tell, Gerry:

Still though, Catinari is indeed actually quite special, whereas his fellow brethren that have come before him are concerned, as unlike the majority of those same said sad Neocons, Catinari is seemingly never educated about anything he obsesses about.

Say what you will about my previous allegorical scratching posts, as mythical Lord knows that I do, but at least I’m confident that the bulk of them can competently tie their own shoes without the aid of a diagram or a YouTube video. Regardless of topic, Catinari just wades in up to that sewer pipe he refers to as his neck, and spouts off whatever he just read on the interweb, as if it were the purest of Gospels.

By way of example yet again, may I offer up his unique take on gun central, unfettered by the confines of history, legislation, common sense, or a basic grasp on how grammar actually tends to work::

Now let me see if I got Gerry’s “point” correct. According to this meme, “Rights” are immune to the advancement of technology which is also in its own unique way, a measure of the passage of Time, as well. I could point out that when the 2A was initially written, the top rate for bullets being fired, was around three or conceivably four rounds in a minute, as the gun itself could only hold one round at a time.

Today’s modern weaponry, such as an AR-15, can fire 45 rounds per minute, but of it is modified with what is known as a “bump stock”, that rate can be terrifyingly increased to 400 rounds per minute, or more.

I for one, have no idea what Thomas Jefferson might have thought if he could have foreseen that down the road, gun violence would be the number one cause of death for children in America, but given the man’s documented nature, I can only assume that he would be horrified at just exactly who it is that so casually wields the power to wage a personal war at the drop of a red hat,, as they claim that they have the unalterable “right” to do so:

Until now, I never thought I’d ever see a photo that captured the very essence of “small dick energy”, outside one of Donald Trump doing virtually anything, but this one just has to stand alone as the all-time champion, hands down. Four handguns, and four additional clips are necessary for you to go and order a sandwich, dude?

Look. I know it’s called “Subway”, but that’s just an easy to remember brand-name intended for a marketing campaign, it doesn’t mean that you’re actually riding on the one located in the heart of NYC, where such an armory can at times, be arguably essential. But gun-cucks like the jackass above, don’t actually carry their alternate penii out of fear for their personal safety, but as a gambit to intimidate others.

Specifically, (and hopefully) gun central advances and the Unites States Government itself.

Take for instance, this melting Vanilla pudding pop, one Stewart Rhodes, who just so happens to be, the founder of an anti-government “militia” group called the Oath Keepers:

Rhodes, seen here describing just how severely his being afflicted with Peyronie’s disease has altered his physiology, was convicted of seditious conspiracy and evidence tampering with respect to the January 6 United States Capitol attack that he used as cover to attempt overturning a free and fair election with his fellow insurrectionists, and as you’d imagine he’s got quite the belief system to justify what he tried and thankfully failed, to do.

Asserting that the federal government is part of an evil conspiracy resolved to husking Americans of their Constitutional rights, extremists such as Rhodes maintain that the 2A is crucial to maintain the allegorical bulwark that keeps freedom-loving patriots such as himself, from being crushed under the hobnailed jackboots of a government that he and his ilk see as being nothing less than tyrannical in its nature, if not its design.

In fact, the very name of the organization hails from the oath of service taken by the military, law enforcement, and other first responders, and whether you previously served, are currently serving, or never wore the uniform to begin with, their belief in honoring that oath regardless of carnage or consequence, is key.

As you may have noticed, Rhodes is also wearing an eye-patch, which of course, is an indication that he at some point in the past, sadly lost his eye to some form of random and unexpected traumatic illness or injury, perhaps suffered at the inadvertent misuse of an official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock, and a thing that tells time:

As I said… “perhaps”.

Normally, this in and of itself, is not what I would consider appropriate fodder for any form of humorous commentary, and for me to even infer such a horridly unsympathetic response given my own present-day eyesight concerns, would be by all estimations and critical perspectives, abominable at its best. Except that in this particular case, the jokes that I would never dare make, wrote themselves.

Why is that, you ask?

Maybe because the manner in which Rhodes lost said eye, is worthy of some slight mockery, regardless of how sympathetic a person you may be, for as it turns out, this steadfast defender of both American values and an inherent desire to upend them on the marching orders of a madman, had the severely and unintentionally hilarious misfortune to shoot HIMSELF in the face, WITH HIS OWN GUN.

So naturally, he’s definitely not the living theorem as to why we have and require common sense gun control laws in the first place. Honestly, it’s a good thing this ass-clown never merited access to a flamethrower, for if he had, I can only surmise that all would be left of him to remind us that he was ever here to begin with, would be a large crater in a Walmart parking lot, and a smoking pair of slightly charred boots dead-center in the middle of it, after his attempt to scrape gum off of said footwear, went horribly awry.

But Catinari was attempting to make a point, and I do need to address it directly. His avowal is that just because Technology changes, as well as the times we live in, that doesn’t mean that our collective Constitutional rights change as well. An interesting declaration. A challenging cultural construct, if I may be so bold. Perhaps, even the most succinct of synopses that he’s offered up to us all, thus far.

Unfortunately, though for both Catinari’s ego as well as his “argument”, it’s also 100% pure Grade-A bullshit. Not only do our collective Constitutional rights change, they’ve done so with sporadic occurrence over our country’s history, due to the fact that as the Constitution itself is regarded as being a “living document”, the ability to amend it as cultural norms shift, remains a viable option.

And despite the detail that this has only happened 27 times in the 247-year history of our Republic, said amendments have greatly impacted our rights, as I’m about to explain for the benefit of both the layman such as yourselves, as well as the dumb-fucks like Catinari. who if they only knew how to Google, would save their immediate family a lot of regret for not encouraging the once strongly debated abortion to take place as it should have, all those years ago.

To kick things off and in order of their inception, let us review the key Amendments that changed the collective rights of our fellow Americans, an aspect of history that Catinari could have discovered for himself, if he only could figure out how to either correctly open a book, or an additional tab on his internet browser.

To kick things off and in order of their inception, let us review the key Amendments that changed the collective rights of our fellow Americans, an aspect of history that Catinari could have discovered for himself, if he only could figure out how to either correctly open a book, or an additional tab on his internet browser.

First up is the 13th Amendment, which abolished the legality and practice of slavery within the entirety of the United States. You know, the thing that once allowed Americans the right to own other human beings in the same way that they can now own a toaster oven? This amendment was ratified on December 6, 1865, but let’s not all forget, “Rights don’t change’.

Next up, the 15th Amendment, which guaranteed that any citizen of the United States the right to vote, regardless of their race, allowing said former slaves, a voice in their former land of captivity. It was ratified on February 3, 1870, but let’s not all forget, “Rights don’t change”. Following on its heels some 50 years later, the 19th Amendment granted women the right to vote, which finally allowed, in theory at least, some form of cultural equality between the sexes. This amendment was ratified on August 18, 1920, but let’s not all forget, “Rights don’t change’.

To the delight of many, the 21st Amendment repealed the 18th, [AKA: “Prohibition”] and allowed for the sale, manufacture, transportation, and public consumption of alcohol within the United States once more. It was ratified on December 5, 1933, but let’s not all forget, “Rights don’t change’. And then there’s the 26th Amendment, which lowered the voting age to 18, something that today’s modern Conservatives are still mad about, as before this, the voting age had been 21. This amendment was ratified on July 1, 1971, but let’s not all forget, “Rights don’t change’.

Oh wait… it kind if sort of looks like they do. Imagine that.

But as ignorance is far lighter in metaphorical weight than actual intelligence, Catinari is lucky in the fact that when it comes to backing up his talking points, he doesn’t have to work too hard to discover the intellectual heavyweights that lend credence to his asinine conclusions. That’s probably due to the reality that shit floats:

Lauren Boebert, everyone. A woman who, according to comedian Jimmy Kimmel, makes him think that “every time I hear her speak I expect it to turn into stepmother porn”.

In essence, she’s what Marjorie Taylor Greene might have been, if only she could have read what’s been written on her GED. And as this is yet another moron that Catinari relies on for forming his political introspection, I just have to ask the simplest oi questions: “How does Catinari manage to make toast every morning without gravely injuring himself?”

Seriously. I’m 100% truly curious. If anyone out there can formulate a solid guess, email it to me ASAP, because I really need to know. The 2A has always been a rallying cry for the Alt-Wrong, based on the several decades trolling red-meat whistle that “they” are coming to take “your” guns away, despite the fact that no such thing has or is currently happening within these here United States.

If anything as recent mass shootings have shown, the pall of gun restriction overreach, seems to be at its most lax point in years, something that Catinari himself, seemingly addresses with this particular meme, even though as usual, he has to amalgamate it with an unrelated topic, that being the scourge of opioid abuse:

Now, I could go on for days about e effectiveness of gun laws, but as all of that info is readily accessible on the Web, I’m not going to flog an obvious horse with the cudgel of Catinari’s inherent density.

However, I will note, that for all of their petulant posturing about wanting to reduce violent crime, Conservatives don’t seem to possess the faintest interest in eradicating its leading causes: devastating poverty, the lack of educational and economic opportunities, and the aftereffect of justice inequality, now do they? And as said slaughterfests have also proven, they don’t really give a damn about curbing gun violence, either.

Thoughts and prayers over active and effective legislation, anyone? Nevertheless, I will give Catinari some partial credit for being somewhat on board with the regulating of guns for once, just as the 2A actually mentions, within the verbiage that guntards tend to blatantly cherry pick whenever the issue of common-sense gun control is dared brought to the debate table.

For the record, while the 2A does say “the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed”, it also describes that such armament is for the specific maintenance of; “A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State”, which of course, these penis-lacking loons do not represent or protect, in any way, shape or form. whatsoever.

But as I said, let me give Catinari some partial credit for begrudgingly admitting that keeping guns out of the hands of potentially dangerous criminals, is a key beginning component in hopefully placing the bane of violent crime well on its way to becoming a distant memory, rather than what seems to be an almost daily occurrence.

And here I was, flippantly thinking that Catinari couldn’t see things for as they actually are, rather than how he wrongly perceives them to be. In fact, I’m kind if happy that I could throw Catinari this bone of graciousness, for it could possibly mean that maybe, just maybe, he’s not an entirely delusional…

… you know what? Never mind. He’s an absolute fucking moron, conceivably beyond all previous comparison. Verification of this assessment, as willingly provided by Catinari himself, comes in the form of yet again, another brain-dead post attempting to defend his absurd interpretation of the 2A. and as you probably guessed by now, his evidentiary “source” for such, is the same tad bit questionable media concern from earlier:

Read that again, if you would: ”AT THE TIME IT WAS ENACTED THE [I assume these illiterates meant the “2A”] APPLIED TO ALL TYPES OF ARMS”. Keeping in mind that as previously discussed, the fire rate of a then-modern-day weapon was at best, four rounds a minute, the belief that the 2A is somehow sacrosanct from the process of being amended at any given point in the far future, is patently ridiculous.

As I’ve oft-noted, the concept of a technologically-advanced society being held hostage to the mercurial precepts dictated by a Bronze-Age book of fairy-tales is insane, but then again, so is assuming that we have no choice but to live by the rubrics set on parchment by men who dressed in the manner of persons that some of their modern-day party equivalents, are now passing legislation against.

But leave it to Catinari, a dimwitted demagogue who routinely uses misspelled and grammatically incorrect sources of false and/or selectively cherry-picked information, to phone in the thinnest and weakest of arguments regarding a topic that he barely understands, much less could ever successfully debate:

Now if I were a betting man, I’d wager that it’s probably best to quit when you’re not ahead as a basic rule, but it’s becoming fairly apparent to me at least, that Catinari has ever heard of the maxim that suggests; “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and to remove all doubt”, sage advice which he seems unable to follow, regardless of how many times he crashes and burns because of his failure to do so.

Once again, I present a post that doesn’t provide the solid flex that Catinari thought it was truly going to do:

Well, this is odd. Gun rights got expanded in a country that already has 46 percent) of the worldwide total of civilian held firearms, resulting in an average of 120.5 firearms for every 100 residents. As well as the highest rate of children being killed by gun violence, and an unhealthy belief that owning one somehow makes you a suburban Rambo, and yet, the American crime rate doesn’t go down at all?

I’m sure that there’s no correlation to be found within any of these statistics, right? Faced with this information, I may have to modify my assertions regarding wherein the problem lies with Catinari’s severely limited intellect. I was originally thinking that the deficiency he possessed, had to be firmly centered between his ears, but now? I’m starting to give credence to the thought that it may also be between his legs, as well.  

I could easily point out once more, that according to the collected data available ,an armed citizen only stops a mass shooting event less than 3% of the time, but yeah… I’m sure putting even less regulations between overpowered ordinance and the inexpert hands of the same people who think that the Illuminati controls the weather as well as the Oscars, is nothing less than an absolutely smashing idea.

See: “Kyle Rittenhouse”.  But I did read that he’s a millionaire now, so maybe I should cut him some slack.

Speaking of granting paranoiac weapon-hoarding strangers some emblematic breathing room, one of the common ruses that guntards such as Catinari like to employ, is the argument that gun laws only “hurt” the law-abiding citizen, and not the criminal element that they’re (pardon the pun) targeting. And while nothing could be further from the truth than this, Catinari utilizes it anyway, albeit with a fresh twist:

First off, Gerry: no there were not, as current estimates range from the 2021 mark of 15.2 million hunting license holders, to a possible low of 11.4 million, due to the sport of hunting seeing a decline in its overall popularity over the last five years. The numbers that Catinari is misrepresenting here, seem to originate from a circa 2019 post on the Instagram website, and as is usual with examples of Neocon “proof”, it noticeably lacks the accreditation for just how it established those quantitative numbers in the first place.

And it’s also a worthless talking point, because the last time I or anybody checked the current stats, entire classrooms of our school-age children weren’t being slaughtered wholesale by those with a hankering for venison, nor is said carnage achieved using the standard armaments that deer hunters utilize to acquire their Sunday dinner, either. A reality that I was more than happy to address directly to Catinari:

Rubbish in, rubbish out, is Catinari’s stock in trade, and while it has served him well, if somewhat dishonorably, its also made it damn near nigh impossible for him to best any of his adversarial pundits, due to the realty that even when he actually does have a fact-based argument to draw from, he simply can’t help himself from tainting it with the inane ichor of his asinine ideology:

Dear mythical God. Reading yet another of Catinari’s never-ending false analogy amalgamations, it strikes me as to what must certainly happen after one insists on using a Q-tip, far past the point of its natural resistance. An opinion that I attempted to get across to Catinari, by way of my world-famous trademarked sensitivity:

See? I can be nice when the need for me to do so, arises. But as I close out this secondary facet of Catinari’s to-be-continued story-arc, I’d like to offer up this one last slice of his guntardian “logic’ that he clings to as if it were capable of making his being a walking example of Dunning-Kruger, far less relevant whereas he’s concerned:

Is there anyone out there, perhaps even a survivor of the Sobibor, Belzec, Treblinka, Chelmno, Auschwitz or Majdane death-camp system, that can clearly explain to this gibbering jackass YET AGAIN, exactly just why this analogy in relation to his not-at-all-equal-in-oppressive-severity-whining, is vile beyond all comparison?

For mythical Christ’s sake Gerry, the reality of one not being allowed to freely assemble an armory equivalent to that featured in a “Expendables” movie, is NOT the same as being the powerless victim of an actually documented government-sponsored Holocaust. Not to mention, there will never be a time or situation that will ever present you with even the metaphorical terror of such, you absolutely fallacious fuck-stick.


I say “kind”, because Odin knows, my using the term “smart” would be a waste of an adjective that will never be applied to you. However, my then-response to this idiocy, was far more diplomatic:

Sigh… stupid is as Catinari does, and the reservoir that he draws said ignorance from, is seemingly endless. You’ve heard of the Marianas Trench? Well, meet its immediate competition for what was once considered to be the darkest of depths. Now, I’m not quite yet done sharing Catinari’s flatulent fallacies, but I also think that as I’m presenting a topic that’s specifically toxic, maybe we shouldn’t dive in all at once.

Therefore, I suggest that we take a break for the moment, and when we return, I’ll continue wondering aloud just what kind of person would post something like this without shame ;

… seems flummoxed when he receives this in return, rather than the praise he so pathetically craves:

But hey, as the very foundation of teaching a lesson that actually takes root, is all based on the construct of the undertaking of baby steps at first, I guess that I can’t be too sympathetic overall, if the learning curve ahead for Catinari might be somewhat steep.

But rest assured, I’ll make sure that it’s going to be fun as hell to read.



“The seemingly most hateful, those on the front lines of despair, are mere instruments of sinister forces, which pull the manipulative strings of manufactured supremacy.” – T.F. Hodge


















The Art of Gerry-slandering PT.1 (Morons Away!)

“The emotional appeal of a conspiracy theory is in its simplicity. It explains away complex phenomena, accounts for chance and accidents, offers the believer the satisfying sense of having special, privileged access to the truth. For those who become the one-party state’s gatekeepers, the repetition of these conspiracy theories also brings another reward: power.” 
– Anne Applebaum, Twilight of Democracy: The Seductive Lure of Authoritarianism


Greetings, my loyal Bitchiteers!

How are you all feeling on this, yet another fine day on a progressively disturbing ball of compressed space dust, basalt, and Granite, wrapped around a molten iron core, spinning in an ecliptic orbit around a monstrously immense flaming sphere of hydrogen and helium held together by its own gravity?

And I might add, this is all occurring at an estimated speed of 67,000 miles per hour, or 30 kilometers per second, for you metric-leaning European readers, who at this very moment, are probably wondering where I keep my supply of name-brand Dramamine. Easy answer: it’s in the candy dish shaped like Milla Jovovich on my coffee table, and don’t worry about leaving me short, because I’ve got buckets to burn of the stuff, just waiting to go.

Now at this point, you might all be wondering why I have motion-sickness-pills laid out for guests as if I were a Walgreens’s, but the answer is simple: it’s because when you write about what I write, dealing with the type of people that I deal with, and then share that experience with others, they (and you) may suffer from the feeling that being strapped to the side of a Saturn V rocket, whose guidance control had been switched off, might be preferable to hearing anything furthermore about it.

As the old joke goes; “Some days, you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots. Other days… you realize it’s not only SOME days.” A theorem that I can assure you, is 100% dead-bang true. In my particular instance, and regardless of the day, I am always seemingly up to my neck in a never-ending surge of morons, buffoons, idiots, cretins, nitwits, boneheads, ignoramuses, and schmucks.

Also known as the archetype of both modern-day Conservative leaderships, if not their membership base.

But don’t take just my word for the collective lack of intellectual aptitude on the part of the GQP faithful, especially when I can just as easily let them prove it for themselves. Take for instance, this cluelessness of made flesh, courtesy of one Eileen Vaughn Glancy, who started off our tête-à-tête by informing me that due to my having a political view not based on groveling at the feet of a traitor, that we would “never be friends”, something I assume, that was supposed to crush my sense of self-worth… I guess:

Is it just me, or did you also enjoy Glancy’s protestation of; “I don’t know why you would call me a lummox, as I don’t understand what that ward actually means, nor do I understand that “cultists” and “friends” are plural descriptives as well, so let me look up said definition, and in doing so, prove your assessment beyond a shadow of doubt for anyone who may read this exchange later on”, half as much as I did?

If I may be so bold, I really do enjoy it when my casual use of a five-dollar word, seemingly stupefies those particular persons who at best, possess a dollar-store-grip on their individual intellectualism. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciate the lifting assist, Nancy. Much respect given.

However, such discombobulated dimwittedness, is par for the course, rather than the exception, whereas these possible candidates for a Darwin’s Award may be concerned, although such future accreditation all truly depends on both their personal ambition for achieving success, if not unfettered access to a poorly-maintained wood-chipper. 

Nevertheless, despite the examples set by intellectual ascetics such as Glancy, most of her fellow granfalloons, will never hit the depths of infamous inanity, either due to being just barely smart enough to not stick their heads inside their metaphorical whine press, or because the persons set in place around them are constantly running inadvertent interference on their behalf.

And then, there is the purest distillation of this conditional idiocy taken to the extreme, that being the MAGAts.

But what pray tell, is that, for these among you who may be (surprisingly) unfamiliar with this term? Well, according to the popular lexicon, a “MAGAt”, is a follower of the treasonous mango-man-child known as Donald J. Trump, and it translates literally via its use of disparaging slang as describing such a person to be a “Make America Great Again Terrorist“.

This is of course, a play on Trump’s “Make America Great Again” political slogan’s capitalization, although to be fair in concern to that descriptive, I honestly can’t imagine why that is:

Oh… you know what? Never mind. I totally get it now, I think. However, this is just one example of such behavior, and you can’t base anything conclusive just off of this singular instance, right?

Well, crap. There goes yet another perfectly good theorem, does it not?

I swear to mythical God, these bargain-basement insurrectionists crash and burn so consistently, that if you didn’t know any better, you would have to almost think that these incest-spawns of sovereign citizenry, were semi-professional Icarus cosplayers. Hence the not too inaccurate quip that “MAGA”  should in all actuality, stand for “Morons Are Getting Arrested”, as that seems to be their main group activity these days..

Speaking of which, I’d like to introduce our first asinine appetizer before I get to the main idiot du jour as it were. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce you all to one Michael Fouche, of Woodbridge, VA. Fouche, seen here waiting for the optimal moment when his two remaining brain cells have warmed up enough so that he can embarrass himself online with the fullest of concentration once more, is one of those aforementioned mentally-bereft MAGAts, and you can tell he’s a real patriot, because nothing says that better than posting vlogcasts that nobody watches, in front of the flag whose inferred values he doesn’t follow..

But wouldn’t you know it, not only is Fouche a guy who espouses conspiracy theories as being fact, he’s also a puerile proponent that those who were arrested for willingly participating in the abominably dark events of J6 are not fascistic insurrectionists, but “political prisoners”, being unjustly denied their due course under the laws of the constitutional republic that they tried (and thankfully failed) to overthrow:

Irony is truly lost on some people, is it not? What a sales pitch to the legal authorities: “Sure, I attempted to usurp American Democracy, but now I demand its protections as I await trial for being a traitor”, I won’t speak for you as usual, but the amount of chutzpah it would take to say this with a straight face, is either insane, or ballsy as f**k. Even better, is the argument that Douche (sorry, “Fouche”) makes here, claiming that said J6 turncoats were the poor innocent victims of a cabal that manipulated them into doing it:

Sigh… I’d like to point out, in case I wasn’t clear within my retorts, that despite three years of distance, not ONE J6 defendant has presented, much less proven, that any outside influence, save for believing in Trump’s several times debunked “Big Lie” about non-existent election fraud, prompted them to toss away their futures for a cravenly liar who if the tables were reversed, wouldn’t condescend to piss on them, if they were on fire.

And the fact that Fouche who’s supposedly a veteran, signed up willingly to be on this demagogue’s team, is appalling beyond belief. And I say this, as a person who has not a single jingoistic bone in his body. My country has a myriad of problems, but at no point in time have I ever drawn the conclusion that the best way to solve the issues inherent with its democracy, would be to install fascism in its stead.

To clarify, there were no insidious elements directing the tragically disgusting events of J6, outside of Fouche’s traitorous brethren, and that’s it. No “false flags”, no “Deep State”, and no “Black-uniformed Illuminati” either, just in case Fouche the douche here, decides to throw that on top of the pile. Just a bunch of incestuously gullible dumbf**ks, acting on the commanded whims of a mango-man-child, whoa by the very grace of mythical God, should have been hung by now for the damage he’s done to this country

However, in Fouche’s overview, the laws of the land that he wishes to see under the rule of the Norsefire Party from “V for Vendetta”, are meant for others, and as such, are in no way applicable to those he aligns his morally-decaying ideology with. Take for example, his stunningly hypocritical take on Trump’s illegal possession of classified documents which he initially refused to return, versus Biden’s unforced compliance regarding the same:

Demanded adherence to earned consequence, is one of the top most irritating things that Alt-Wrong dumbasses such as Fouche absolutely despise, but ironically, it’s also one of the first defensive gambits that they’ll throw out at Liberals when they find themselves cornered, and that occurrence, usually by their own argument. For a party that claims incessantly to be all about “Law and Order”, they don’t seem to care for it too much when its gaze is turned upon them.

Newsflash, Neocons? If “it” was wrong for my side to do it, it’s still just as wrong when your side does it, as well. But as it is with most things complicated, there are some key differences at work here in regards to this issue. All of which if I may note, Fouche somehow avoided addressing.

I’m sure that was an accidentally deliberate oversight on his part, and therefore, not hypocritical at all

In overall situ, Fouche is yet another pathetic cog in the molding machine that produces run-of-the-mill vanilla vanguards, and as is true with such persons whose inner cream filling is comprised of paranoia and ignorance, he sees enemies everywhere, and in tandem, a government that wants him left defenseless against such:  
What our paranoid pudding pop is referring to here, is the announcement made by then-acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker in December of 2018, that the DOJ had amended the regulations of the BATF, clarifying that “bump stocks” were to be defined in the future as falling within the Federal definition of being a machine-gun.

Why was that, you ask? Well as it turns out, the inclusion of such a device in relation to a semiautomatic firearm, allows an incessant firing cycle with a single pull of the trigger.

See the problem now? If not, then you might just be a Conservative who earnestly believes that you as a rule, should have the capability to cosplay Columbine or Sandy Hook, at a moment’s notice. As the late comedian George Carlin once said; “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that”, and then envision that demographic blessed with the ability to spray carnage tin the same manner that Fouche spews inanity.

Speaking of which, heir’s another prime cut of Fouche’s general density, wherein he somehow manages to combine the aforementioned gun rights issue with the Alt-Wrong battle-whine that the majority of social media platforms are silencing Conservative voices. This is a declaration that I find to be somewhat odd, considering the proliferation of particularly petulant postings I see concerning this self-invented problem:

If I were a true cynic, instead of the optimistic misanthropist that I tend to  be, I might point out to Fouche here, that multiple studies have proven that the very construct of Conservatives finding themselves exiled to the allegorical Gulag of social media, is pure bulls**t:

Other than the fact that private companies such as Facebook, Twitter, Tik-Tok, Instagram and the like, are NOT subject to the governance of First Amendment, they also have clearly defined (more or less) codes of conduct that you willingly agree to when you utilize their platform’s outreach. But you have to admire just how dedicated Fouche is in regards to the Alt-Wrong’s claims of false victimization, nevertheless.

Following that line, Fouche’s over-dramatic avowal that “millions” have been “caused untold pain” by their supposed inability of not being abler to access his archive of goddamn density, is quite possibly, one of the most vainglorious things that I have ever read, and his only other commotion was the modern-day equivalent of Narcissus himself, Donald J Trump.

I mean… seriously dude? Don’t get me wrong, as I’m known for patting myself on the back, but unlike you, my right arm isn’t two feet longer than my left, from my consistently doing so.

On average Mikey, the same three people comment on your posts as if that were their job, and the only pain that they truly endure, is knowing down deep, that much like you, they’re politically impotent. But yeah… “millions” have been denied the intellectual joygasm of hearing you spout upon subjects dusted with your blend of crackpot conspiracies, ideological irrelevance, and your mundane mediocrity.

Better still, is Fouche’s bizzarro intermixing of vaguely stated minority and feminist-based issues supposedly inflicted upon both by democrats, a 70’s sci-fi cultural reference, the issue of bump stocks yet again, and a misrepresentation of an FTC action r-that was brought against Facebook, the end result of which was FB achieving a $1 trillion market cap, after the FTC antitrust complaint was dismissed.

While it’s been obvious from the start of Fouche’s story-arc that critical thinking is so not his forte, it also appears that same ineffectiveness of logicality, extends to his storytelling as well. I’m sure that there was some point that he was trying to make Initially when he started typing out his drivel, but I believe it got lost on the way to his seemingly illiterate fingers presentation of it.

Obsession however, is a demanding mistress, as proven by this three-days-earlier rant/post of Fouche’s, which I can only assume, given its inability to stay on a coherent tangent, was a warm-up note of sorts for the former that I just discussed. Say what you will about Fouche’s ability to be a brain-dead douche, but at least he’s unswerving in his public utterances of mental obesity:

I’m not sure what I truly appreciate more here- Fouche’s flow of no-consciousness ramblings, or the fact that he felt the need to individually number them, as if he were preparing an exceedingly crucial to-do list for whomever this nattering nincompoop was hoping to inspire with this love-note to a future court-ordered psychiatrist.

As I said above, obsession is a demanding mistress. Especially when she refuses to give you the respect that you know down deep, that you don’t deserve, and never will earn.

At his (and their) core, Fouche and his fellow MAGAts are bloodthirsty for esteem, hence their addictive dependence to circle-jerk rallies, the repetition of political slurs, devotion to an odious ideology, a hive mind mentality, and the incessant need to proudly draw a negative reaction from everyone within their purview, as if they were a Vegan, a Jogger, or a CrossFitter, walking into a Los Angeles Starbucks.

While Fouche and his cravenly cabal are indeed wretched in their thoughts, words, and deeds, the one area where they truly slither through the mud, is when they attack those that have in no way, harmed them at all. Previous victims of these societal assaults, include women, African-Americans, and as always, immigrants both naturalized and undocumented, but the new punching bag scapegoat as of late, is the LGBTQ Community, as evidenced by Fouche’s calumniously bigoted post below:

A few minor issues I’d like to address in concern to this testament to homophobic mendacity, if I may. First, the LGBTQ Community is not, I repeat, NOT a collective of sexually perverse degenerates akin to the leadership of Fouche’s chosen political party, and second, it’s fairly obvious that he also has no bloody clue what the act of “bondage” essentially is, because I can assure you, that this quite literally, is so not “it”.

However, let’s take a moment to consider the amount of time that that Fouche, a self-inferred “straight” man, had to personally invest in tracking down this image via a targeted internet search, and then after finding what he required, devoted a few additional minutes more crafting it into a pointless Facebook post, just so that he could let us all know how normal he is, by way of pictorial comparison.

Yup. Nothing there to psychologically unpack. Of that, I am certain. After all, I’m sure it’s a perfectly rational thought process that renders the future challenges of a tragic event regarding a toxic spill that threatens the safety and well-being of a small community, into a targeted attack on a societal one that has nothing to do with either the said event, or anything in regards to it, at all.

Naturally, I just had to comment- if only to satisfy my own curiosity as to why any of this was even presented:

And off course as you might expect, Fouche retorted, but not in a way that came across as the dynamic “flex” that he was obviously  hoping it was going to be.

A small caveat, if (I may: when you’re of the danced age that Fouche most certainly is, referring to yourself with anything other than your actual name, sort of gives the inference that you’re in the process of auditioning for new sugar daddies. Just saying.

Thus far, Fouche has been an odious hors d’oeuvre at best, but as I want to take you to asinine pastures far more moronic, I feel that it’s time that  I end his callous contribution, with one last posting of his that shows us all just who Fouche really is, as well as highlighting the hate-driven political entity that his so proudly represents:

In case you have forgotten, this pathetically tasteless “joke” comes at the expense pf Paul Pelosi, the elderly husband of former Speaker of the House, Nacy Pelosi, who was attacked in his home as he slept by a hammer-wielding assailant. Pelosi, who managed to survive the cravenly assault despite suffering a fractured skull and serious injuries to his right arm and hands, then became the subject of a gay-themed smear campaign by the Alt-Wrong, who while decrying political violence, actually commit most of it.

Fueled by the same inanity that drives Fouche’s ideology, this deplorable incident where an innocent man was almost murdered, is now considered prime fodder for humor in the mentally-bereft sphere that is the MAGAverse, and if anything, just goes to firmly cement in the collective consciousness, just what a goddamned jackass Fouche really is, and what he and his party have now offer the arena of civil discourse.

Venomous stupidity on tap, served as lukewarm as their intellect and sense of Humanity.

Being a terribly ignorant if not spiteful human, and then taking unwarranted pride in it, seems to be a requirement for any lummox that wants to be a card-carrying member of Cult 45, and I must say, that in the 13+ years that I’ve been writing as the “Artbitch”, no one has ever done it quite as proficiently or as proudly as my newest upcoming scratching post, whom I will name in a moment.

This barely sentient, deception-huffing, cowardice-channeling, knuckle-dragging shell of amalgamated human pudding skin and hubris, has it all. And when I say that, I most certainly mean it. Let’s run down the ol’ ideologically Conservative bingo card, shall we? Conspiracy theories galore? The Illuminati says yes. Racist diatribes? Got that white. Anti-LGBTQ sentiments? No friends of Dorothy here.

And don’t you worry, we’ve got the standard misogyny, political ignorance, infantile paranoia propagandist news “sources” and the implied threat of Alt-Wrong valence as well to balance out the metaphorical deck, because if you’re going to be a walking stereotype, you might as well go all the way in, right up to that sewer pipe you wittily call a neck.

It’s almost as if the Writing Gods themselves, looked down upon me from the lofty heights of Mount Vonnegut, and decided amongst themselves that I needed a muse equal to my snark as well as my ability to weaponize it. And boy oh boy, did they deliver the goods with this one, let me tell you.

But before I begin gnawing on my newest of chew-toys, I need to start us off with both a disclaimer and a definition I’ve deemed necessary for the War of Words that I’m about to fire the first shots in, and they both relate to the descriptive adjective of “slander”.

To note, Slander is defined as; ”the utterance of false charges or misrepresentations which defame and damage another’s reputation”, or as; “a false and defamatory oral statement about a person”. As someone whose writing specifically address the flaws of humanity that serve as my story silage, this designation and I have a tenuous relationship at times, hence the reason why, I always make sure that I can solidly back pl what I infer or directly say with incontrovertible evidence.

The reasons for this are twofold; in regards to the first, I loathe disingenuous writing, as I find it to be a cheat of sorts, if not intellectually lazy. Shock for shock’s sake, and all that jazz. And second, if I ever have to go to court over something I’ve written or publicly implied I want to walk out the way I waked in: correct, respected, and infused with an attitude of badassery on temporary loan from Anthony Bourdain himself.

To directly quote the great man himself: “The essence of cool, after all, is not giving a fuck. And let’s face it: I most definitely give a fuck now. I give a huge fuck. The hugest. Everything else—everything—pales. To pretend otherwise, by word or deed, would be a monstrous lie.

So, with this declaration placed out in the open, understand that what I’m about to say based on my most definitely giving a fuck, is that the person that I introduce to you now, one Gerry Catinari of Sacramento CA is, in my opinion, a fully-accessorized simpleton of the lowest caliber.

This valuation I can assure you, will prove itself as being one-hundred-percent true as it is currently certified within the citadel of my own experience, backed up by nothing less than the veracity of Catinari’s soon to be reviled, own words,

Now, if I were the type of person that found myself tempted to use far less gracious terms to define said Gerry Catinari of Sacramento CA, I might be far more inclined to pronounce him as being an absolute fucking idiot, whose overall intelligence could be debatably guesstimated as being somewhere between a urinal cake, and a gallon of the fluid that provides the crucial reason for its very existence.

However, because I just so happen to be most certainly not that type of person, I’ll take the high road for now, and carry forward with the work at hand; that being the sharing of Catinari’s stunning stupidity with the world entire. Or at the very least, my very small and snarkerific slice of it.

But why is such action necessary, you ask? Surely, if Catinari is as big a scheißkerl as I claim that he is, and that I with any luck, will verify him to be, then why bother with him at all? Sure, the possibility does exist that given enough time, he might gravely injure himself by attempting to open a pickle jar using a blowtorch, or by accidentally allowing an original idea to errantly pop into his otherwise unprepared brain, but why leave such a hopeful occurrence to the whims of mercurial Fate?

Certainly, it would be easier. It would most definitely be less stressful. But it also wouldn’t be nearly as fun for me, and that’s always the deciding factor whereas how I ascertain exactly what type of implement that I’m going to use when thinning my garden of allegorical pinheads. Albeit pruning shears or a tunnel boring machine, the selection really depends on just how deep down the idiocy set in bloom before me, has rooted itself.

And therein lies why I do what I do. At this point, I believe it’s fair to say that the stereotypical Liberal approach of appealing to one’s Logic and/or Humanity, simply doesn’t work when you’re facing a cultural adversary who no longer possesses either to begin with.

Being mewingly passive, being unnecessarily diplomatic, willing to accept unwarranted compromise, and playing Devil’s Advocate to the conceptual underpinning of what Free Speech should and shouldn’t allow, is what got us collectively here in the first place, and the only way we’re going to heal the heart and the mind of this country, is if we cauterize the cancer at its’ source: that being the wellsprings of Ignorance, that persons such as Catinari, represent.

I may not be able to win the war against such dimwitted disciples entire, but I sure as hell can cripple some of their soldiers that arrogantly venture onto the societal battlefield, and that’s a fact. Play time is over kids, so lace up your anti-fascist boots and go stomp some allegorical NAZI’s, because mythical God knows, they’re just chopping at the bit to do the same to us all, when they’re finally given the legalized permission to do so.

One point of clarity though? While I in no way, shape or form, wish to imply that Catinari is indeed, himself a NAZI, as “Godwin’s Law” and all that still applies, but the fact that they seemingly use the same dry-cleaners, as well as their tandem in supporting the same political candidates, should probably be kept on the back burner, to boot. As I said, I’ll be using Catinari’s own words and social media posts to bolster my ill-regard of him, and thank Titivillus for once, that there’s quite the selection to choose from:

One-hundred-and-five-megabytes. Over 800 files. And all of it, classified into groups and then additional subgroups, within fifteen separate topic folders; these being:
(1) Conspiracies: General, Health., Political, and “Wackadoo”.
(2) Hate: LGTBQ, Misogyny, Racism, and Violence.
(#) Politics: Anything that’s politically-based that doesn’t fit into the subcategories above.
(4) Social Issues: Abortion, Guns, and the Media.

Keep in mind BTW, that this gaggle of inglorious asininity was effortlessly compiled in just under three months, at a rate of acquirement averaging out to about 20 minutes a day. Catinari may just be, up to this particular point in time, the singularly most obsessively self-owning Neocon nimrod that I have ever written about hands down, and that’s saying a lot, given the strength of competitive field that he’s up against on an hour-to-hour basis.

New, for the sake of clarity as well as your sanity, I’m not going to address all of his sub grouped stupidly in one go, as the sheer amount of it needs to be disseminated in small micro-doses, much in the same way that one might build up a tolerance to say, Arsenic or a new album by Nickelback.

However, I also want to give you a taste of just who Catinari appears to be, and just how his inadvertent role as an abstract, much like Fouche the Douche above, verifies exactly why I see him as being as one of the worst of us. So, to end this latest screed off, I’m going to present just one genius assertion from each of the main group folders, and as this story arc advances in the next pieces to come, only then will I bungee-jump into the rabbit hole in which Catinari’s pathetically wretched psyche resides:

First up, a gem from the Land of the Intellectually Lost, and this one’s a doozy, proffered by a doofus:

I’d like to note that Catinari didn’t refer to Rodgers here as a “player”, but as a “play” instead, which is appropriate, given Rodger’s already well-known penchant for sticking his foot so far into his mouth, that he can give himself a pedicure simply by brushing his hair.

Rodgers, who is literally the reason why the NFL maintains a helmet usage stipulation, has previously floated “theories” about 9-11, “chemtrails”, Inner Earth, the allegedly faked moon landing, COVID vaccines, and yes, even the lunacy that reptile-people hybrids, are an actual thing.

And yet, Catinari wonders aloud why people think football payers are “dumb”? For the life of me, I can’t figure that one out, as not only am I a reptile-person-hybrid whose very blood is the essence of the COVID vaccine, I also own a lovely summer cottage deep in the heart of Middle Earth, just outside of Gladden Fields.
Moving on to the “Hate” folder, but staying with the sports-related theme, here’s a delightful slice of misogyny pie, aimed at United States Women’s National Team star, Megan Rapinoe:

In case you deliberately forgot as Catinari most certifiably has, not only is Rapinoe, a far better human being than he himself will ever be, she’s also far more accomplished, as well.

Not only is she a three-time Olympian [2012, 2016, 2020]; who has taken the Gold as well as a Bronze, she’s also won two Women’s World Cups [2015 and 2019] awarded the title of 2019’s Women’s Player of the Year by the Fédération Internationale de Football Association, and designated by Time Magazine as one of the most influential people of 2020, to boot.

By the way, did I forget to mention that she’s also the only female soccer player in American History to be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor? You would think that Catinari being a true American, would appreciate having someone like this representing “his” country, but as she’s also openly gay, I guess we can overlook such accolades, if only to soothe his snowflake as fuck bigotry.

Next up, the one area where Catinari’s bulb of low intellect, may just possibly glimmer the dimmest: the world of Politics. This arena where he fancies himself as the Lion, and not the Lion’s lunch, is also where the majority of his idiocy, hypocrisy, and conspiracy theory, and general falsehoods are based. but for new, I’ll just share this blatantly unaware take on America, sans its actual History:

I’m guessing America is pretty great”, says the guy who openly supports the democracy-usurping insurrectionists of J6, and who with that one sentence alone, disavows Jim Crow laws, 400 years of slavery. Inherent racism, the continuing scourge of income, educational, and occupational inequity within the minority class, as well as their limited voting access and the problems of gender inequality relating to personal body autonomy, and let’s not forget the ongoing attacks against the LGBTQ Community, but yeah Gerry…

… I guess America is “pretty great”.

Thankfully, we’re almost done with this initial tasting menu showcasing Catinari’s war against all things verified, and capping it off, is the seasonal refrain of unfounded victimhood that we’ve all come to rely on as if it were the airing of “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”. Except that in this case, the allegorical problem at hand is both imaginary and self-serving, much like the character of the Grinch himself:

I’ve said it before. I know I will have to say it again. Conservatives play the victim so much, I’m surprised that at this point, a CSI team doesn’t follow them 24/7 everywhere they go.

Yes, Gerry. “We” can no longer say “Merry Christmas” in public anymore, and referring to a Christmas Tree as such, is akin in the eyes of us woke warriors, as being equal in offense to one audaciously asking that their Latte be steamed using whole milk, rather than the far more Eco-conscious Soy.

And for the love of mythical God, don’t even get me started on what will happen if you dare refer to them as “Gingerbread Men”, rather than the politically-correct epithet of ”Gingerbread-persons”. With no due respect, my paranoid pile of human skin pudding, the only thing that’s ever been verboten for you to say whereas Christmas is considered, is what you really think about your Mother-in-Law’s cooking, and how her brother Fred shouldn’t be left unsupervised around the drink cart, and that’s it.

However, did you also catch the sledgehammer-subtle touch of xenophobic racism at the core of this unjustified hissy-fit, as I did?  To quote directly; “If you don’t like our “customs” and it offends you so much then LEAVE… I will help you pack“. Two takeaways from this, the first in reference as to who this jackass thinks that they need to leave because they are ardently opposed to saying “Merry Christmas”, and second, does anyone truly believe that a self-righteously dense Conservative, would ever help a total stranger with anything?

It also strikes strange does it not, that people who consistently complain about Liberals classifying everything in sight with uniquely specific terms, would get so ridiculously upset about a generic Yuletide greeting. Nevertheless, there is a middle-ground to be found in concern to this situation, and it comes courtesy of Saturday Night Live’s Michael Che, who once joked; “Don’t think of it as me saying “happy holidays””… think of it as me saying all holidays matter.”

And with that savagely accurate rejoinder in place, I think this seems an apocopate place to bookmark Catinari’s upcoming stray-arc for now. And when I pick back up the frayed threads of his so-called intellect, I’ll be doing so in the place where his ignorance and paranoia produce idiocy such as this:  

Oh Gerry, you abominably stupid simp, we already knew what’s truly “wrong” with America, and it ain’t just Facebook. But thanks to your words, your posts, and your willingness to share them with the world entire, we’re going to figure out just what or who I should say, is really the problem.

I can only wonder where in that hierarchy of the obtuse, you’re going to place. I guess we’ll see.



“Why do we love the idea that people might be secretly working together to control and organise the world? Because we don’t like to face the fact that our world runs on a combination of chaos, incompetence and confusion.” -Jonathan Cainer











Lloyd of the Lies. (Duck and Blubber).

“We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

If you’ve been reading my screeds for a while, I think it’s fair to say that I write far more about the subject of politics these days, rather than the aspects of the creative arena from which my writing pseudonym [AKA; “Artbitch”] originally sprang. This is due in no small part, to the fact that my current Lair of Snarkitude is located just outside of a small town in the idyllically pastoral setting that is Southern New Mexico.

(Mot the lair that I have, but definitely, the lair that I most certainly need.)

This is not to say that there’s nothing “artsy” to write about here, but at best, it would have far less appeal to anyone outside of the sparsely populated county that I currently live in, and I honestly don’t mean that as a derogative descriptive. And unlike the previous culturally cynical carnival I was part of for the better part of two and a half decades, the well of written inspiration waiting to be tapped, is not nearly as deep for an introspective overview as I would require to craft a good read.

Hence, the slide over to politics. the never-ending row of shark’s teeth that can be easily rendered into screeds, if not effective countering swords against the rising tide of flaccid fascism currently vexing this country. I’ve oft had it asked of me why I “do what I do”, and there’s an easy answer courtesy of sci-fi author Tiana Dalichov, who noted in her novel “Agenda 46” that; “You attack to protect, not to avenge. You strike to end suffering, not cause it.”

This, without any notation of self-aggrandizement, is what I try to do, every time I open my laptop, and present my thoughts via the pixilated page.

This, without any notation of self-aggrandizement, is what I try to do every time I open my laptop, and present my thoughts via the pixilated page. I don’t always succeed, and sometimes I feel that my efforts are akin to spitting into the proverbial wind, but I continue on nevertheless, despite the research required, the occasional interaction with the intellectually-bereft, and the oft-painful reality that even after successfully parrying some of the inaner commentary from same said MAGAts, my expression usually looks like this:

And if this is me contemplating a small victory, you can only imagine what I must look like on a day when I’m so ticked off that I could shack on a box of nails, and spit out a barbed wire fence. A state of mind that as Time marches forward, is becoming more of a commonalty, than a rarity these days.

The seemingly endless flow of dimwitted disingenuousness runs both high and wide, and as it does so, only the detritus of what it has destroyed remains behind to tell its tale, mythical God help us all. This venomous volatility, stems from the inflicted influence of Trumpism that has corrupted not only the modern-day Conservative movement and its adherents, but the very soul of this country as well.

Need some evidentiary proof that America is experiencing a wave of delusional dipsh***ery from the top of the power structure on down? Well then, feel free to peruse this slice of political amnesia from one of its most devoted disciples, the ever-graveling Trumpist boot-licker, known as US Representative (R-TX) Chip Roy:

Because I’m a fully functioning human whose mental processes work the way that they should, I’ll give you a moment to contemplate the asinine absurdity of Roy’s pathetically brazen hypocritical amnesia, that’s so cravenly on display here for the world to see. I swear to allegorical God, that if Trump’s dick were any further down this toady’s throat, it would like he had a prehensile tail.

I’m kidding of course, for as we all know thanks to the input of adult-film star Stormy Daniels, Trump’s gear can’t extend itself past the average persons’ molars, but you get my point.

If Roy’s name sounds even remotely familiar, it might be because back in March of 2021 at a hearing regarding the increase of hate crimes directed at Asian Americans, Roy said the following: “We believe in justice. There’s old sayings in Texas about ‘find all the rope in Texas and get a tall oak tree, You know, we take justice very seriously, and we ought to do that. Round up the bad guys. That’s what we believe.”

This vile commentary BTW, was uttered mere days after eight people, six of whom were Asian, were murdered in Atlanta, the victims of an abominable hate crime.

When given the chance to retract or modify his putrid articulation, Roy instead doubled down, releasing a statement that declared:  “Apparently some folks are freaking out that I used an old expression about finding all the rope in Texas and a tall oak tree about carrying out justice against bad guys. I meant it. We need more justice and less thought policing, We should restore order by tamping out evil actors, not turn America into an authoritarian state like the Chinese Communists who seek to destroy us, No apologies.”

But when it came to Trump’s attempted insurrection on J6, all Roy had to say to White House chief of staff Mark Meadows via text on that day, was the following: This is a sh*tshow, Fix this now.” This plea came after previous texts to Meadows in which Roy stated; “If you’re still in the game… dude, we need ammo. We need fraud examples. We need it this weekend”, as well as; We need a controlled message ASAP,”

However, when these texts were made public, Roy took his standard approach of crafting arrogant hypocrisy into condescending flesh, saying; “No apologies for my private texts or public positions – to those on the left or right. I stand behind seeking truth, fighting nonsense, & then acting in defense of the Constitution.

This patriotic declaration, courtesy of an alleged public servant of the people, who’s seemingly down with the act of lynching a select few of them, but I digress.

Nonetheless, while I obviously disagree most strongly with Roy’s cravenly attempt to rewrite a historically factual narrative that was quite literally, archived in real-time, his selectively retrieved utterance still rings far more eloquent than the nearly incoherent rant offered up to us all, by this dedicatedly dimwitted member of Cult 45. Bays and Girls, may I introduce you to the pride of Pocono Summit, PA, the one and hopefully only, Debbie Nowicki Harshbarger:

Speaking as a professional writer, I must admit that I’ve oft-wondered just how freeing it must be, to write out a thought that’s so delightfully unbound by the confines of logic, as this one most certainly appears to be.

And given the pure Homo/Transphobic vibe inherent within it, I’m not sure if the late author Anthony Burgessis looking down upon us, or to be more accurate, looking up at the same, but either way, he must be so jealous right about now, watching a mere amateur boldly steal his thunder outright..

New, I do know what you’re thinking: while yes, this is a pristine example of what happens when a failed public education falls madly in love with a family tree that’s sans branches, but nevertheless, let’s try to see the upside to this cornucopia encompassing the resultant tatters of a confused thought process. I briefly introduced Debbie No-wits-ki Harshbarger here in my last screed, and I must say that her political takes are like a gift from the Writing Gods themselves.

Are they proudly ill-informed? You bet. Delusionally paranoid as well? Without question. And even though we don’t know exactly what prescription medication Harshbarger is allegedly abusing to come to these insane conclusions of hers, the one thing that I think we can all agree on, is that by comparison alone, it makes Crack look like a cheese danish:

I hate to quibble over the small details here Debbie, but would it be rude of me to remind you that the Nazis and the Communists, were politically opposed to each other? They literally went to war over it, you absolute f**king lummox.

Burt let’s give Soros some overdue credit, as I seriously don’t know how he does it all at his advanced age- rigging elections, running the Deep State cabal like a fine Swiss timepiece, composing all those songs for Nickelback, and that’s not even taking into account all the lunches with Satah that he has to attend, if only for the sake of his appealing to the democratic faithful.

Oh, I’m sorry… did I forget to mention Satan’s influence upon us Leftists? Well, don’t you worry, because No-wits-ki has that base fully covered:

I won’t speak for you of course, but if Satan is indeed going to be the keynote speaker for the Democratic Convention, I for one, would like to know just why he couldn’t book Norwegian black metal band Mayhem to be the evening’s musical guest. Seriously Lucifer- it’s bad enough that you haven’t directly inspired a good Metallica album since the “Black” one, but this oversight is almost unforgivable.

However, there’s no need to fret if you were hoping for the classic conservative hits and tropes, because No-withs-ki has those playing on a continuous loop in her otherwise empty head. To start, there’s the traditional gambit as already expressed above, of comparing your imagined enemies to being no less than the heir apparent to either Communists, or the Nazis, in both word and deed:

And if this pathetically abominable analogy fails to land the political sucker punch that you were hoping for, then just move post haste, to yet another well-worn conservative strategy of deflection, that being the amalgamation of two completely unrelated, yet equally insane, modern-day conspiracy theories:

Now when that fails as well, due to the fact that it’s laughably impossible to logically defend on any level, then switch gears once more, and go after the villains that are the ones truly responsible for holding America as well as its citizens hostage to their mercurial and cruel whims.

You know who I’m talking about, right? The one, the only, the “ELIETIST” A shadowy cabal, made up of Globalists that are so cunningly evil, they misspelled their organization’s name on purpose, so that even with the use of Google, we still can’t find their headquarters:

Once again, I find Harshbarger’s lack of punctuation, if not the need to all-cap everything mentioned within, quite refreshing. The rest of her unhinged rant masquerading as commentary, is the purest of garbage to be sure, but the spirit of it overall, is as stereotypically hypocritical as such a taken position can get.

Personally, I’ve always loved how the party that grovels at the feet of corporations and billionaires, paints itself as the representatives of the working-class while brazenly slurring with venomous mockery, those who actually endeavor to lessen the burdens placed upon us all by the actual elite. However, since almost every statement uttered by modern-day conservatives these days tends to be either projection or confession, I’ll just give it a charitable pass…

… for now.

Sadly, I could literally harvest an entire series of screeds from the insanity garden that serves as Hershberger’s mental citadel, but as I need to move along with this, the newest of my literary excursions, we’ll just close her story-arc off with one last slice of No-wits-ki’s particularly vulgar brand of dimwittedness:  

Say what you will about Hershberger’s full-blown delusional take on the world entire, but someday she and it, are going to make a hand-picked team of physiatrists ether very well-known, or exceedingly wealthy beyond their wildest dreams off of the movie rights alone. But Hershberger faces some seriously stiff competition in regards to maintaining her grip as a top-level Alt-Wrong Wackadoo, and surprisingly, it comes from a guy who looks like this, and yet, still had the inner confidence to share his not-creepy-at-all-70’s-serial-killer-vibe, with us all:

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the man behind this “The Hills Have Eyes” selfie, one Russell Ward Matthews of Athol, MA. Interestingly, the nickname for Athol is “Tool Town“, due to its economy being largely based in industrialism, but it’s also somewhat ironic considering what a “tool” Matthews seemingly appears to be, when you look at some of his finer intellectual observations, especially in regards to cultural issues, such as validated race-based mistrust of law enforcement:

Yes, my racist russet potato analog, only “criminals” hate the police, and nobody else. Especially the demographic that suffers most due to their consistent abuse of power and legislative protection.

I tells ya’, there’s no better counsel to take into consideration, then the one offered up by a potentially bigotry-afflicted dude, who looks like he spends his free time surreptitiously hiding in the shadows that surround a child’s playground. I’m obviously kidding of course, but if Matthews can blasely judge people by the color of their skin alone, then I in tandem, can judge him by every single “stranger-danger “poster that I ever saw as a kid.

However, there is the very slimmest of probabilities that I could be wrong about Matthews allegedly possessing more bigoted bones than a Confederate cemetery, because after all, it’s not like he’s the type to consistently post truly ignorant declarations making light of the horrendous struggles of African-Americans, right?

Well, in his limited defense regarding the ostensibly racist whine presented above, he did once post this:

Now, while I’m not a person of faith on any level, there actually is a nice message within this rather simplistic assertion, that being, only “Evil” deliberately separates people into specific boxes, and “Good” in all of its essence, does not.  “God” IS love after all, and the knowing of this concept, it not the steadfast belief in this mantra, would, and this most certifiably, not allow anyone to post the following asininity, or so you might think:

And this abomination of detached humanity, conveniently served up in one pathetically cringe-worthy cartoon, is sourced from (who else?) the favorite Replacement Theorist of people whose family tree resembles a chain link fence that gets taller with each subsequent generation, America’s performatively outraged Wedgie Salad, Tucker Carlson. You know, the White Pride Piper with the obsessive M&M hate-f**k fetish, as displayed here?

Tucker, who recently informed us all that; “M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous. Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal. When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity; they’ve won”, made sure that like most of the Caucasian Cowper’s fluid that dribbles out of his mouth, his post covered all the tropes that White Supremacists happily pleasure themselves to, in-between their 3a.m. front-lawn barbecuing get-togethers.

Laid out here before us, is a racist trifecta that we have yet to sample, but as it is with all things paranoid-based, I can assure you all that it generalizes the underlying issues of societal issues, and demonizes that which was manufactured out of ignorance and hate. And the reason for this, is just so inane pin-heads like Matthews, finally have a range of desired successes to scratch off their wretched bucket lists.

To start, did they unduly slur the reputation of a well-respected African_American Congressman? You bet they did! Did they also paint his district as a dystopian urban hellscape without addressing exactly why that is, past veiling it under the specter of passive-aggressive racism? Sure thing! And most importantly of all, did they manage to squeeze in one last swipe, implying that undocumented aliens get a free ride?

Congratulations, my Vanilla Vanguard plebes, you’re now officially racists! Here’s your complimentary Anthropologie discount card, a case of Miracle Whip, and an erroneous sense that everyone but you, are actually the problem with everything that you find to be uncomfortable, objectionable, or misunderstand.

And if I may be so bold, nobody seems to get it so pointlessly wrong quite in the same way that Matthews manages to do here with this pointlessly puerile post, which if anything, only reinforces my opinion that while not every person whose part of a family tree gets to meet their ancestors, Matthews has most certainly had the unfortunate opprobrium of knowing just exactly who his “incestors” were:

Does anyone else get the feeling that Matthews was born in the wrong era? Not the one depicted in the film “Mississippi Burning”, but the one so iconically conceptualized in Stanley Kubrick’s masterpiece “2001”, where the man-apes are hooting unrestrainedly as they dance around the Black Monolith?

Earlier above, Matthews opined that only “SATAN SEES RACE”, but if that’s true and as he’s not charming enough, smart enough, or interesting enough to be the actual fallen Lightbringer himself, I can only assume that they either both share the same optometrist, or at the very least, the same set of contacts from time to time, for Matthews to be this inadvertently hypocritical.

Regardless, far be it from me to depict Matthews as being nothing more than just an alleged run-of-the-mill racist, for this cat has got quite the range of mental obesity in concern to the crafting of his rampantly abject stupidity. Of that, I can assure you. For instance, he’s also rather the fan of nonsensical conspiracy theories as well, not that the revealing of such an affinity, should shock anyone even remotely familiar with today’s modern-day GOP.

Granted, while the promotion of the facially insane is seemingly the cornerstone of the ever-increasingly disturbing psyche of the conservative movement, even I have to admit that this one’s still a doozy:

For sanity’s sake, I won’t rehash the myriad of reasons why this is both erroneous and delusional, as I’ve covered this particular topic in depth previously, but I will address it once more, nevertheless.  

Speaking only for myself, I harbor serious reservations that a man who brags about sexually assaulting women, who twice wishes “well” upon a procurer of a pedophile before her trial for the same, and who has one of the lowest prosecutorial rates for sex trafficking in Presidential history, is going to serve as the judicial juggernaut that moves the allegorical goalposts as far as they need to be. Call me cynical.

And I’m not entirely sure who “They” are, but if a cabal with a so-called secret agenda, and supposed overseer power as to how things above and below the line of sight are run within this Republic, can’t hide their simplest machinations from a lummox such as the one Matthews most certainly appears to be, I for one, wouldn’t consider them a virulent threat to anyone on any level, save for possibly themselves.

Not to mention, the thought that a man who sells snake-oil as naturally as he slurs dignity, being the champion of applied Justice in general, is as believable as my ever getting over the fact that in all probability, the same “they” Matthews rants about, are also probably the ones that greenlit “Highlander II: The Quickening”, as an act of revenge against the art of competent film-making.

But if I were to give credit where it’s due, Matthews, who finds himself willingly becoming even more disconnected from actual Reality as we collectively all perceive it, does fulfill his role as an obedient lap-dog of the conspiracy-fueled GQP, by disseminating their lunacy as if it were manna for morons:

I always do so enjoy how people who consistently can’t spell the basic word “you’re’, suddenly become a cross between Johann Von Schonenberg and Stephen Hawking, when their quasi-Christianity is melded with an aspect of Anosognosia. As my brain works the way that Nature intended it to, I’m not entirely sure how the installation of the Antichrist on earth is supposed to work, but I can think of far better candidates for the job than Joe Biden, and not too surprisingly, most of my picks are Republicans.

Not out of any form of political bias mind you, it just seems like they’d be the best group to recruit from, if you needed experienced people to manage an odious empire built on a foundation of lies and human suffering. The amalgamation of quasi-Christianity with sheer delusion, is almost a standardized trademark so far as the Conservative movement is concerned, but as it is with all things virulently toxic, this inability to grasp actual Reality, lends itself quite usefully to the act of placing stock in that which is obviously insane:

Goddamnit, why am I always the last person to find out about the cool stuff? Especially when it’s far too late for me to take advantage of it? I mean… here I am, with a perfectly good list of need-to-be-murdered candidates, and the perfect cover for doing so, passes me by without so much as a word. That’s just plain rude, no matter how you look at it.

Sigh. I guess now that the opportune moment has passed, I’ll never be able to test out my theorem of just how far Kevin Sorbo might fly when I, using nothing save for the services of a rocket-powered trebuchet, launch him into the stratosphere located just slightly over the Grand Canyon. You know, as a tribute to both the late Evel Knievel, and the principles of unwilling aerodynamics?

Once again, I do so enjoy people who despite their not having cracked open a book since high school, have still managed somehow, to weave together the gossamer-like threads of a conspiracy so Machiavellian in its inception, that even the fictional nemesis of Sherlock Holmes, Professor James Moriarty, would require no less than a String Theory Codex to make sense of it.

Given the postings above, it’s disturbingly transparent Matthews’ repeatedly expressed delusions may necessitate at some immediate point in the hopefully near future, that a competent mental-health professional takes some form of targeted interest in them, to say the very least. But Matthews, being the truly unencumbered by Logic free-thinker that he is, has other options in so-called mind. Namely, internet quizzes.

For those of you who may not be in the know, I’m referring to those uncontestable online “What (blank) are you?” self-help questionnaires, that despite their status as once being the sole province of one-wang-Willamina’s-from-Wichita, now serve as the Sages that help guide the voices in Matthew’s otherwise empty head:

Russell “saw the Whale”. Therefore, he is “impossible to manipulate”.

Or so says this meme, which call me crazy, doesn’t really seem like it would meet even the lowest standards applied of a true psychological test. That is, save for the one that seeks out those afflicted with the Barnum Effect, which is a phenomenon wherein occurs individuals believe that (so-called) personality descriptions apply specifically to them and them alone, despite the datum that said portrayal is actually filled with information that equally applies to all.

So, all that stuff he posted regarding suggested racism, insane conspiracy theories, and the suggestion that Joe Biden is affiliated with the Antichrist, that you just witnessed with your own eyes? Well, you’ll just have to discount all of that, because Russell has definitive proof via an illustrated whale, that he can’t be manipulated  by anyone.

Save for the mango-tinted genius he salivates over of course, who bragged in a 2021 interview with Fox News medical analyst Marc K Siegel, that not only did he “ace” his Montreal Cognitive Assessment, a test that starts with the question; ‘is this an elephant?’, but he also repeated the words, “Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV” in correct order as well, and to the “amazement” of the doctors in attendance.

According to (and nobody else) Trump, “they” said “nobody gets it in order, it’s actually not that easy. But for me it was easy. And that’s not an easy question”, with such an air of supreme overconfidence, that one might have thought that he had memorized all of his kids’ names instead. And that even includes Eric.

He then claimed this stunned throng then asked of him; “That’s amazing. How did you do that?”  Trump’s response was characteristically humble: ‘I do it because I have like a good memory? Because I’m cognitively there.’”

Sure, you are, Donny. Just like I am now, standing here in Milla Jovovich’s bedroom, patiently waiting for our weekly whipped-cream massage session to start. The test in question that our former toddler-in chief was gushing about, is an exam given to people who are in the early stages of dementia, as a means to determine just how far they may have mentally declined.

An actual cognitive test, BTW, is far more detailed, takes quite a bit more time than the ½ hour Trump noted for his, and is actually undertaken with the direct assistance of specifically trained experts in the field. Medical professionals that down the road, Matthews will have more than a passing association with as the spoiled cabbage that currently masquerades as his brain, continues on its path to inevitable deterioration.

Evidential proof of my assessment for the future, is borne out by this last “thought” of his, wherein he sets the record straight for all, by offering up this dripping with clueless irony observational take that;

Yes, Russell. Democrats do lie on TV. As do Libertarians, Anarchists, Mercenaries, Newscasters, and lastly, Republicans as well. However, Democrats aren’t the ones pushing fantastical conspiracies as Gospel, Racism and Misogyny as principal values, and unmitigated treason as a form of acceptable counter-protest.

And I might add, we also don’t take our marching orders from a traitorous Oompa-Loompa either, so when it comes to debating the issue of political ignorance, maybe your certifiably so ass, should just sit this one out.

However, at one point in the back-and-forth interaction between Matthews and myself, I did have the glimmer of hope that he had indeed come back around to the world of logical reasoning, but as it turned out, the popping noise that I thought was him pulling his head out of his ass, turned out to be yet another one of his brain-cells offing itself with severe prejudice, rather than face the indignity of processing yet another asinine assertion of his.

Moving on, while the world of online political partisanship does have more than its fair share of outright loons, such as the ones that I’ve already shared with you, the majority of the party faithful that comprise the centralized core of the Alt-Wrong creed, are at best, just your average intellectually-cucked bargain-basement morons.

For instance, take into consideration this shining example of an asinine kindergarten-level taunt made flesh, the babbling bouillabaisse of humanity, that is Shawn Michael Gibbons of Massillon, Ohio:

Shawn, seen here seriously contemplating if the ensemble he’s wearing is too formal for his local Waffle House, is in his late forties, a proud father of three, and given this truck-based selfie, a descendant of a family tree that I can only assume must be a Palm, because it’s been alleged that.it has no branches, and that all the interrelated family members, are fronds with benefits.

That’s obviously a tasteless joke of course, as I have no idea what the actual lineage of Gibbons truly is, but it’s also as equally clear via this missive sent to me via FB Messenger, that a wordsmith, he is not:

I tells ya’, there’s nothing like finally finding out for certain, exactly just what happened to that kid in your homeroom class who was impossible to underestimate. Given the fact that Gibbons would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle, I guess I can’t really fault him for being as useful as a chocolate teapot, when it comes to representing the best that the Alt-Wrong ideology has to offer us all.

To be fair, Gibbons did spell the word “you’re” correctly, in a refreshing change of pace for those of us who consistently deal with the members of a cult that appear to be functionally illiterate, but answer me this, if you will: why is it, that these Conservative cucks always come off as if they only have two brain cells left, and both are fighting to secure the rank of being in third place?

Granted, being able to hide your own Easter eggs does have some benefits, but Gibbons isn’t that particularly interesting enough to expound upon at any measurable length, as he’s just a sampling of the demographical intellect level one should expect from the petri dish that’s fermented both inanity and insurrection into not only a means of self-identification, but a political ideology, as well.

Sadly, Gibbons here, made the miscalculation of (pathetically) launching an attack in defense of another of his brain-dead brethren, from within what he thought was the relative anonymity of the very internet itself. However, when it was made patently clear to him that he wasn’t hidden half as well as he thought he was, he hastily retreated back under his rock, in the manner of the weak-ass bitch that he erroneously believed that he could slur me as.

Newsflash, Shawn? I’m the “Artbitch”, not the Shawnbitch”, but thanks for playing, nevertheless.

So, who was it that Gibbons endeavored (and failed) to protect from the interest of yours truly? Well, that would be Lloyd Morton Sr, a gentlemen form the township of North Lawrence, Ohio, who in my opinion, proves yet again the maxim that if you build it, they will come. Unfortunately for us as the progressive society we want to be, the only thing that Morton has ever built, is a monument to mental mediocrity whose very walls were built out of unsold MyPillows and Trump steaks.  

And as it always seems to be with all persons Conservative, Lloyd, like the majority of his fellow “I’m not in a cult” declaring cultists, just can’t help but show us all who they really are, and that, pretty early on:Conservative “humor”, wherein the slandering of Women, Muslims, and Minorities, can all be successfully accomplished in one go. The ultimate of hat-tricks Nevertheless, I don’t want to paint Morten as harboring any of the stereotypical racist tendencies so prevalent in today’s GOP, on any level, as that might be considered by some, to be no more than an act of somewhat self-righteous overstepping.

However, when he’s already doing a far better job of it than I ever could, why would I interrupt him in doing so?

Dear mythical God, you can literally feel the cringe of this, regardless of your current location, can you not? If you’ve ever wondered why there are no truly successful conservative-leaning comedians, here’s your answer. While it is true that most comedy comes from pain, it’s also true that the humor therein, comes from one’s experiencing it, rather than inflicting it upon others.

Every time I read something this stupid, I ‘ve had to give serious pause as to how it is that these f**king morons haven’t attempted to reheat pizza in their bathtubs with a plugged-in toaster. While I do understand the valid concerns in regards to having what appears to be an unsecured border, I’m also a realist in the sense that terrorists aren’t going to walk across a desert, when they can just as easily, fly coach into JFK or LAX.

I know this may come as a shock to Morton’s bigoted sensibilities, but anyone who straps on a backpack and then walks several thousand miles to come to a country that they’ve only heard about, does so willingly. This assertion of mine I feel, is best expressed in the powerfully disturbing poem “Home”, authored by the Kenyan-born British-Somali poet Warsan Shire:

“No one leaves home unless home is the mouth of a shark.

You only run for the border when you see the whole city running as well. Your neighbours running faster than you, the boy you went to school with who kissed you dizzy behind the old tin factory is holding a gun bigger than his body, you only leave home when home won’t let you stay.

No one would leave home unless home chased you, fire under feet, hot blood in your belly. It’s not something you ever thought about doing, and so when you did – you carried the anthem under your breath, waiting until the airport toilet to tear up the passport and swallow, each mouthful of paper making it clear that you would not be going back.

You have to understand, no one puts their children in a boat unless the water is safer than the land. Who would choose to spend days and nights in the stomach of a truck unless the miles traveled meant something more than journey.

No one would choose to crawl under fences, be beaten until your shadow leaves you, raped, then drowned, forced to the bottom of the boat because you are darker, be sold, starved, shot at the border like a sick animal, be pitied, lose your name, lose your family, make a refugee camp a home for a year or two or ten, stripped and searched, find prison everywhere and if you survive and you are greeted on the other side with “go home blacks”, “refugees dirty immigrants”, “asylum seekers sucking our country dry of milk”, dark, with their hands out smell strange, savage – look what they’ve done to their own countries, what will they do to ours?

The dirty looks in the street softer than a limb torn off, the indignity of everyday life more tender than fourteen men who look like your father, between your legs, insults easier to swallow than rubble, than your child’s body in pieces – for now, forget about pride your survival is more important.

I want to go home, but home is the mouth of a shark. Home is the barrel of the gun and no one would leave home. Unless home chased you to the shore. Unless home tells you to leave what you could not behind, even if it was human.

No one leaves home until home is a damp voice in your ear saying; “leave, run now, i don’t know what I’ve become.”


If after reading this, you still feel that the reality of the choices that immigrants fleeing their homes must face, is appropriate fodder for the opportunity that Morton crudely seized to showcase both his stunning ignorance, if not his disdain for Humanity in general, then like he, I strongly advise you to go f**k yourself.

For those of us with actually functioning souls, “Home” speaks of horrifying challenges, but whereas Morton and the others in his cabal of cuckolded Caucasians is concerned, such parameters are nothing more than smug silage for insensitive intolerance. But don’t worry, Lloyd- I still think you’re awesome, nevertheless.

Just kidding.

But maybe, just maybe, I am being a tad too harsh here, for Lloyd isn’t completely clueless as to what’s going on around him in regards to the interwoven issues this country has always had with its insidious undercurrent of ever-simmering bigotry- in fact, he’s actually seeing a positive aspect within it all:  

For the love of mythical Christ, I’m actually starting to form the belief that Lloyd may be the type of person who can not only easily put both of his feet in his mouth at the same time, but that he can do so all the way up to his thighs. I say this, due to the fact that even as this post presents itself as a non-racist declaration of hopeful optimism, three’s still a dusting of bigotry sprinkled throughout it, nonetheless.

To note; first there’s his observation that he sees babies of mixed-race “exclusively” with the White parent or grandparents, thereby subtly implying that the non-White progenitor isn’t part of the involved family dynamic. This just so happens to be a favorite trope of Conservatives, ever since the legality of mixed-race marriage.in all 50 states, was certified by the Supreme Court back in 1967, via the conduit that was Loving vs Virginia.

Adding some allegorical weight to my acidic oversight, there’s the mentioning of his previously “rural” area now undergoing an unforeseen influx of “urban” [IE: non-white] influence in the form of mixed-race progeny, and therefore “it”, [IE: racism] must certainly be on its last legs. Just ignore the fact that Morton not only openly wondered why such offspring are “branded” as Black, he then goes on to suggest that they’re being so, is nothing less than an amoral plot to increase “racism numbers”, whatever in the f**k that’s supposed to mean.

Seriously, does Morton think that there’s some sort of governmental quota that needs to be fulfilled using the birthrate of interracial scions as its base? And as for the “media’s obsession with race” Lloyd, the fact that it’s finally paying attention now to the previously verboten issue of racial disparity in this country, isn’t a fixation- its socially responsible journalism, trying to make sense of it all.

Nonetheless, the further insinuation that the as always anonymous “they” that Conservative are so fond of using as substitute boogeymen, being currently at work crafting a scheme so deceivingly nefarious that even Lloyd himself, is unable to present any credible evidence ascertaining its very existence, is truly my favorite part of this intellectually-challenged asininity, by far.

And as for his analogy that we are swiftly progressing as if we were a snowball rolling down the steepest of hills to becoming a truly colorblind society? I’ll agree with that, when I stop seeing stuff like this, via the race-obsessed media that he despises so much:

Well. This is awkward, given the fact that the media that’s seemingly obsessed with the issue of race, is the one Lloyd’s compatriots most certainly takes their political cues from, especially when it comes to non-issues such as this cravenly Conservative concoction:

Curiously, there already IS a National Anthem for African-Americans, and its origins go far further back than you might think. Written by James Wheldon Johnson in 1900, “Lift Every Voice and Sing”, was promoted by the NAACP in 1917 as being nothing less than the “Negro national anthem“.

Now to be fair, I had no idea that this was even a thing, until I took the time to discover this information for myself. Vexingly, despite using the services of Google to do so, the amount of time required to unearth this historically relevant factoid was quite formidable, as this screenshot clearly shows:

Seriously? 0.46 seconds? Does Google think that I have all day to just sit around and wait for the answer to a question that I shouldn’t have had to ask in the first place as it’s in regards to an imaginary issue, and therefore, NOT AN ACTUAL PROBLEM, UNLESS YOU’RE HARBORING SEVERELY BIGOTED TENDENCIES?

Weird that Morton has a problem with the lyrics of a spiritual hymn that’s been around since the turn of the last century, but possesses zero issue with the Presidential mango-man-child who couldn’t remember the words to the anthem of the country he was, [at that time] currently in charge of. I’m sure that such a position is based on merit, and not a quirk of melanin, given his above declarations, am I right?

For those of you unfamiliar with this hymn as I previously was, here it is in full:

“Lift every voice and sing  
Till earth and heaven ring,
Ring with the harmonies of Liberty;
Let our rejoicing rise
High as the listening skies,
Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.
Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us,
Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us. 
Facing the rising sun of our new day begun,
Let us march on till victory is won.

Stony the road we trod,
Bitter the chastening rod,
Felt in the days when hope unborn had died; 
Yet with a steady beat,
Have not our weary feet
Come to the place for which our fathers sighed?
We have come over a way that with tears has been watered,
We have come, treading our path through the blood of the slaughtered,
Out from the gloomy past, 
Till now we stand at last
Where the white gleam of our bright star is cast.

God of our weary years,  
Thou who hast brought us thus far on the way;
Thou who hast by Thy might 
Led us into the light,
Keep us forever in the path, we pray.
Lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met Thee,
Lest, our hearts drunk with the wine of the world, we forget Thee;
Shadowed beneath Thy hand, 
May we forever stand. 
True to our God,
True to our native land.”

Catchy, this song is not. Visually however, I’d suggest that it’s right up there with Blue Oyster Cult’s “Veteran of the Psychic Wars”, even if that song does just so happen to have the far better bass line betwixt the two. And much like that seminal classic, White people have nothing to fear from “Lift” in general, much less the non-existent threat of it ever being able to replace the National Anthem.

I for one, can’t imagine what it must be like to wake up every morning secure within the safety of my home, and yet; paranoically view the world entire as an entity that is far more dangerous, than eminently fascinating.

Are there truly horrific things out there to be found, lurking both in the shadows and the light? Certainly, yes. But if I ever get to the point in my life where I envision all that is around me as either an imminent danger or a malevolent machination, promise me that you’ll tie an engine block to my feet, and take me for my first, and hopefully last, lesson in sky-diving.

Interestingly, despite the mistrustful take that he shared above, Morton, unlike a majority of the paradoxically brain-dead bloviators that I write about, seems to be relatively free of the corrupting effects of conspiracy theories, overall. However, that doesn’t mean that he still won’6t dip his toes in the pond of the pea-brained, from time to time:

Isn’t it amazing, that regardless of whatever topic is being discussed, there’s always one clod of Conservatism, who thinks that by using nothing save for the dark of the Interweb and the ever-screaming voices residing within their head, that somehow, they alone, figured “it” all out? Sure, they never have any actual proof for their theorems, such as, witnesses, corroborating evidence, or even a coherent narrative to explain any of it, but rest assured, they know what’s up… as do I:

Truly, it is such a shame that the inherent talents of such brilliant sages have been relegated to the back of the allegorical bus, when its so clearly obvious that they possess knowledge far beyond the reach of the so-called actual experts. If only world governments could willingly put their fates in the hands of people such as Patti and Lloyd, this space-rock would find itself tuned up in a week. A month, tops.

But Morton’s near-miss MENSA IQ isn’t just content to sit on the laurels of fantastically spun tales regarding spy balloons, alleged presidential betrayal, and for some strange reason, the abominable events of 9-11, he’s got other far more relevant issues to tackle.

Say, such as the “lie” that Trump and Russia were in bed together, excluding of course, the fact that thanks to the Mueller investigation, the commentary of Trump’s own sons, and the business records of the Trump Organization itself, such a blasphemous rumor was actually credibly verified to have a stronghold within that which is actuality:

Sigh. It’s one thing to hold an opinion, misinformed as it may be, but it’s quite another, to petulantly assert its singular validity, when you’re unable or incomprehensibly unwilling, to provide the evidence that underpins its alleged credibility to begin with. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. If you’re right, you’re right. But neither state can be solidly established, if and when, only one side shows up to the gun-fight, prepared.

In fact, Morton pulls this claim-and-run move quite a lot, but as someone who has a history of long-term interactions with those of a conservative bent, I can assure you that it’s a spurious gambit that more often than not, gets employed in lieu of an evidential presentation. Case in point, this back-and-forth sparring, regarding what Morton claimed were acts of antisemitism allegedly perpetrated by AOC and “The Squad”.

A dubious assessment that Morton BTW, never bothered to back up in any way, shape or form, despite my charity in giving him multiple opportunities to do just that:  

Unsurprisingly, Morton blocked me after this exchange, but not before I acquired a small collection centered around his equally ignorant squawking. Take for instance, this bon mot concerning President’s Biden SOTU speech, and as you may have guessed, Lloyd’s take on it, is well… let’s just call it “unique”, and leave it at that:

Let’s take a clinical overview of this, if we may. As is typical of conservative critiques, there’s no actual quantifier as to what the “lies” are or were, no counter-argument relating to the specific issue/s that are supposedly concerning, and interestingly, absolutely no mention whatsoever of this White Supremacy Muppet, acting like the classless dumbass that she most certainly is:

In regards to Lloyd’s omission of addressing the wretchedness of this embarrassingly screeching antisemitic shitgibbon, I’ll just have to assume that was an accidentally deliberate oversight on his part, and assign him the grace that he deserves in relation to it.

As for his erroneous observation that his side scared a “win” of any sort with the idea of Biden possibly running again, all I can say to that is the following: given both the abominable candidate pool that his party has to draw from, and the fact that the GOP infighting is rapidly approaching its worst apogee in decades, the real entertainment and eventual challenge will be watching the Alt-Wrong tear itself apart over whose cult leader is a better wannabe fascist.

Speaking of ignoring the obvious, Morton is also a big fan of pushing paranoid narratives, that to anyone with a working intellect, strike as blatantly false. Fortunately, whereas Lloyd’s focus is concerned, it isn’t on the stereotypical slurring of the LGBTQ Community as “groomers”, so I guess that’s a point of character awarded to him, but it’s just as uninformed in its arrogance as that particular conservative go-to.

So, what is the issue that Morton feels is of major concern to Americans in general? Naturally there are several, some of which are quite valid, but whereas Lloyd is concerned, the issue of “Semantics”, in relation to correctly defining the weapons currently massacring both innocent victims in public spaces as well as entire classrooms full of children alike, is a topic that he’s truly impassioned about:

This is one of those things that I find highly vexing about Conservatives in general- the fact that they can never grasp the reality that we as a nation, can efficiently tackle more than one issue at the same time. It does not have to be a “this or that” situation, unless we deliberately craft it that way. Shockingly Lloyd, not only can new take on the challenge of ending the illicit drug trade (a good point BTW), we can also approach the pandemic of gun violence in tandem, to boot.

But for Morton, such crystalline clarity is apparently beyond the reach of his limited intellect, and while he isn’t technically wrong about the scourge of drug addiction and the carnage resultant of its aftereffects, he’s still quote off the mark in relation to what an “assault weapon” is. A point that I was more than happy to address:

However, as is his niche, Lloyd not only missed the obvious point that I was making entirely, but in a plot twist that I can honestly say I didn’t see coming, added in a hilariously braggadocious valuation regarding his own self-supposed armed interaction skillset, as well. An assessment that given Morton’s current age of 74, would have made even John Wick wince at its optimistically deluded naivety

Let me sate this as clearly as I can. If my imminent survival ever comes down to being dependent on the alleged urban combat skills of a dimwitted demagogue who, despite not believing in the verifiable reality of legal definitions, still thinks that he can best a dedicated gunman (or gunmen) most likely half his age, as if he’s a septuagenarian Steven Seagal, do me a favor: switch off the lights, lock the doors, turn over the “open” sign, and just go home. Because at that point, the Republic has clearly fallen, and it’s probably for the best.

Take heart through, my wannabe Rambo’s, because Lloyd wasn’t giving up on his fantastical fever-dream of being a Suburban Commando quite just yet, and once again, threw in yet another piece of bolstering re-bar to buttress my often-validated point-of-view that some people shouldn’t be allowed to own a Super-Soaker, much less an assault rifle:  

So, to recap, Captain Oblivious here not only maintains that he’s totally up for the task of taking on what has now become a squad of gunmen in his local Walmart, because that’s how mass shooting incidents now apparently unfold these days, he’s also of the mindset that the previously working laws that were put in place to keep guns out of the hands of such people, are also redundant.

To quote Morton directly; “Laws do nothing! It is swift and severe pun9shment including the death penalty that saves lives.” And yet, while said criminals won’t respect or be even remotely deterred by a magazine law, they’ll somehow be simultaneously intimidated by the possible future application of the death penalty, as administered by the same judicial arm whose gun laws didn’t work to dissuade them from committing the heinous act of mass murder in the first place?

Yeah… that totally makes sense. In retort, all I can say to Lloyd regarding that, is this:

And just in case you missed it, was Lloyd’s assertion that he can manufacture a 60-round clip in his home in an “hour or so”, supposed to strengthen his implied argument that only a good guy with a gun can stop a bad guy (or in Lloyd’s fantasy, “5 or 6”) with a gun, but only if all of the proven laws that have previously kept same said bad guys from getting the guns in the first place, are wholly abolished?

Sadly, this it does not, but it does provide the reassurance that out there in the vanilla mecca that is Morton’s hometown of North Lawrence, OH, there still exists an over-the-hill guntard, who thinks that he requires no less than a threescore of ammunition to provide him the necessary fortitude to go pick up his dry-cleaning, on the off-chance that a “Red Dawn” situation randomly occurs, so I guess that’s a plus.

Now, as you may remember, I did ask Morton no less than twice as to why if criminals don’t follow the law, they why would they fear the retributive aspect of “swift and severe pun9shment including the death penalty”, but as previously described, Morton won’t ever provide a counter-argument when he can just as easily cravenly deflect, as he does here.

Once again, Morton sidesteps the actual issue being discussed, as well as the actual question being asked, but this time, he even brought along a friend to help, the aforementioned Russell Ward Matthews, and in consequence, awkwardly certifies that both he and Matthews are f**king morons, as he does so.

As I am forced to reiterate the point that was already clearly established not by myself but the law-enforcement-abiding entities of this land, the definition of an assault weapon is not, “Anything that you can use to kill people”, as Lloyd so ignorantly and persistently claims.

Under the current popular (as well as legal) definition, an “assault weapon” SPECIFICALLY refers to a semi-automatic gun intended for military use and which possess a rapid rate of fire and high muzzle velocity. Given the consideration that when paired with the efficiency of a large-capacity (15+ rounds) magazine, which allows said rate of fire without needing to reload, the carnage that one of these weapons placed in the hands of the deranged can cause, is a terrifying thought.

No private citizen needs or requires one of these weapons, and that observation is doubled down on, whereas a guy who thinks that the possession of 60 rounds in a public setting “just because”, is something that should be normalized.

To correct Morton’s as usual, ignorantly paranoid misinterpretation of how gun laws actually are implemented and governed, I’d note that gun laws affect law-abiding citizens very much in the same way that laws regarding drunk drivers, affect the ones who are sober. But in a move dripping with the lowliest of backpedaling, Lloyd who claimed that “Laws don’t work”, now implies that they do. Except of course, where and when Guns are concerned, because… um… “reasons”, I guess?

This sort of mental disconnection from established reality that’s being so proudly displayed right here, boys and girls, is why you’re supposed to use gun oil for its intended purpose only, and not as a seriously contending back-up for when your stereotypical choice of masturbatory lubricant, is unavailable.

Now, if I myself were to cosplay as a stereotypical Leftist, I might caustically suggest that Morton’s and Matthews deeply flawed perception of logical gun governance is seemingly akin to an act pf allegorical castration, due to their possibly warranted dread that they’re both packing less than impressive spawn-hammers, but I’m going to take the high road here, and propose the theorem that what it really comes down to, is a mutual in tandem fear of the unknown and unfamiliar.

In essence, their world is changing for the better of the commonality, and they have no ability to ride this cultural shift without submitting to the feeling that they’re under a veil of constant attack. Hence their personal requirement that they need to be locked, stocked and ready to rock, as if they’re part of the Gravy Seals, every time they leave their cravenly citadels to go get their mail or a cup of overpriced coffee.

However, I do love the part where Matthews arrogantly snarks about Democrats thinking
 “that they’re more intelligent” than Conservatives, as he then goes on to state that he does enjoy “messing” with them, as if he’s a 12-year-old girl getting even with a nefarious adversary.

Now to be fair, Matthews does have that constitutional right, but let us also not forget for the sake of the argument that he made, that this conspiracy-posting wackadoo, apparently considered the following meme as being the best benchmark that he could set for proving that the intellectualism of his party he so embarrassingly represents, is on par with the asinine acumen of their mango-man-child figurehead:Well, if this isn’t the quintessential example of Conservative intellectual prowess at its finest, then I truly don’t know what is. Shocking that a guy who so proudly displayed his ignorance concerning the issues of race relations, partisan political manipulation, and a rampant health crisis, would also exhibit the abominable fever-dreams that one might associate with the most virulent of misogynists, as well.  

I should have, now that I think of it, shared my belief that if only his mother had chosen to swallow, none of us would have to listen to the partisan pre-ejaculate that drips ever so consistently out of the ignorant maw that Matthews utilizes as his mouth. Irony, I guess.

Getting back on track, Morton displayed his inability to understand that which was clearly explained to him, by questioning “my” definition of what the term “assault weapon” meant, because as we all sadly know by now, dumbf**ks are gonna dumbf**k, no matter how easy you make it for them not to do so:

However, Morton, resplendent in in his role as an honorary village idiot, was not going to be deterred by such minor trivialities as the verified determinations that are both known if not obvious to those of us with functioning intellects, and mythical God love him, he wasn’t going down without further embarrassing himself first:

Sigh… this is one of those rare times where I start to seriously think that the only way that an idea can be forced into someone’s otherwise empty head, is with the use of either a tire iron, or the musical song-smithing of adorable hand puppets. Here’s the thing: I knew that I’m writing out my responses in the mother tongue that Morton is obviously fluent in, and yet, it still feels as if I’m talking to a wall…

… albeit a dumber than dirt, paranoiac as f**k, and willingly misinformed wall to be sure, but I digress.

It’s long been the prerogative of the Alt-Wrong membership to ply a variety of different gambits to avoid finding themselves trapped within an allegorical box that most of the time they crafted, but this one that Lloyd is using here, is possibly the most infuriating, in particular. I don’t consider myself to be any smarter than the next Snark in line, but JFC, I usually get the overall gist of an explanation the first time round.

But as if he were a mentally-bereft Mandalorian walking his chosen path…… Morton just couldn’t step out of the way of his willful ignorance long enough for the blatantly obvious point that I had repeatedly explained in detail, to work its way into his seemingly addled brain, and accomplish its dark magic unfettered, and unchallenged:

Sadly, while my query remains unanswered due to his blocking me almost immediately after my posting of a fair (if exasperated) question, I’m fairly confident that I already well know what that rejoinder would have been, if Morton had possessed the ability if not the integrity, to be honest in concern to what I had asked. And in a delightful twist, it’s really not in any way, shape or form, a conclusion that was difficult to reach.

Quite simply, modern-day Conservatives cannot grasp what the rest of us easily accept as verified Reality, not because it refuses to bend to their whims, be they practical or maniacal, but for the fact that the end result of their efforts remains the same, as if it were the march of unalterable Time itself. Regardless of what they do, say, or try, they’re seemingly on the wrong side of History, more often than not.

And whether they want to admit it or not, because they are keenly aware of what they truly have come to represent to us all. it just burns them something fierce, to never be the hero of their own self-created inane Iliad.

Can you just imagine? Being on the wrong side of Civil Rights. Being on the wrong side of Women’s body autonomy. Being on the wrong side of Science, Health, and Logic. Being on the wrong side of Humanity, Charity, and Compassion. Being on the wrong side of Christ. And on purpose, no less.

And lastly, being on the wrong side of Personal Freedom, Patriotism, and Hope.

One of the things that I have always found interesting in regards to this association of partisan pinheads, is the wide range of mental instability that forms its nattering nucleus. By way of odious example, there’s the troubling disconnection from verified reality as previously expressed above by Debbie Nowicki Harshbarger, the mid-level range of paranoid fantasy granted us by Russell Ward Matthews, and finally, the common clay circumvention of logicality, as displayed by Morton.

I won’t speak for you of course, but if I consistently discovered that my opinions, beliefs, and core values were warmly embraced by White supremacists, conspiracy theorists, misogynists, supporters of outright treason and insurrection and the obviously insane, I’d like to think that I’d call out sick to work, take a long walk through the woods to ponder the future, and then when I’m done, make a few key life choice decisions, ASAP.

Such as say, not being associated with a political party that welcomes people like this, into its fold?Isn’t it strange, that the very same people who scream their heads off the ;loudest in regards to how their fellow citizens need to “respect” the American flag, have no qualms whatsoever with casting it aside, and replacing it with a symbol of overt racism ,and divisive sedition, whenever they want to inadvertently illustrate just how unamerican that they actually are?

However, what’s even better in my opinion, is when they apply their cluelessness to what may be the best part of this dimwitted demagoguery, that being their wardrobe showing support for their treasonous mango-man-child. And let us not forget, that no matter what we or credible reality may think, they’re definitely NOT in a cult:

See? NOT in a cult. Mainly, because cult members tend to dress way less disturbingly than whatever nightmare fuel avatar this just so happens to be presenting as. And I can only say how lucky this guy is that his lungs aren’t connected to his nose, because otherwise wearing that mask, would have been a pointless endeavor.

But fret not, for these two members of the Greatest Generation, are here to not only save the day by showing these whippersnappers how it’s supposed to be done, but to proudly represent their previously oppressed heritage as well, and it’s no less than truly inspiring:

Staying on theme, may I direct your gaze to this adorable group of female Trumpites, who, at first glance, appear to be nothing more than your garden-variety one-wang-Wilhelmina’s-from-Wichita acting out a scene from Girls Gone Mild, but if you look closer, you’ll notice that they’re resplendent in hoodies that look as if the KKK was now letting Hobby Lobby get all jiggy with their traditional late-night front lawn BBQ robes.

Just my opinion of course, but once seen, it cannot be unseen.

Speaking of which, here’s an example of a done at home icon desecration, wherein this twit took the shield of Captain America, a true patriot, and emblazoned it instead, with the name of a cravenly traitor.:

A man of such low and vile character, if I may be so bold to note him as such, that if he thought he could have gotten away with it, he not only would have sold Hitler all the Zyklon-B he could ever want, he would have done so right after he had muscled his way into assuming full control of the local glass window replacement market, the day after Kristallnacht.

At a highly unreasonable profit, of course.

This is not to say that I believe Trump to be akin to Hitler, as that’s an appallingly ignorant comparison to make, but I do get the feeling that if he had been part of the eventually selected jury pool at the Eichmann trial, he’d be giving daily interviews to the international media, complaining about how poor Adolf was getting railroaded [pun definitely intended\ by the ultimate in cancel culture.

American journalist (and Presbyterian minister) Christopher Lynn Hedges, once observed that; “All cults are personality cults. All cults are really extensions of whoever the cult leader is. So, whatever the prejudices, the worldview and the ideas of the cult leader are they will be chanted back at him by the crowd.

Until massive social and economic inequality as well as the betrayal of the country by the elite are confronted and remedied, this yearning for a cult leader will not go away. Desperate people are looking for somebody to save them.”

While this is an accurate assessment of the MAGA movement, it does raise a singular question: just what exactly, do these slack-brained disciple of dipsh***ery want to be “saved” from? Free thought? A Free Press? Accessible Healthcare? Living peacefully alongside Gays, Transpeople, African-Americans, Muslims, Atheists, and independent women with opinions?

Oh, the sheer horror of it all, am I right?

But Hedges did nail it, as MAGA is comprised of people who’ve collectively substituted rational thought for delusional fantasy, humanity for targeted hatred, and in the case of those who identify as Christian, they’ve either exchanged Christ for Trump, or at the very best, placed him on his level of accordance:

Jesus F**king Christ. Literally. And seriously? I understand that Jesus is allegedly full of forgiveness and all, but given that even Satan won’t return Trump’s phone calls, I can hardly believe that he’d even allow himself to be on the same planet with the guy, much less standing ready with him on the verge of celestial battle

And with John Wayne, no less.

But the faithful throng sees not this dysfunction as being anything other than the standardized norm, and carries forward their mediocre Messiah, emboldened by his glorified magnification of their racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and of course, their sense of fervently jingoistic White Christian Nationalism, that poorly masquerades as a fervent expression of belief in their Fuhrer.

Oops. Did I say “Fuhrer”? My bad. I meant to say: “His Holiness, the Mango-Tinted Twat”. My apologies.

Something about this image triggers a remembrance. I’m not sure what it reminds me of, to be 100% honest, but it does strike as vaguely familiar. Something prideful. Something arrogant. Something based on the same lackluster and hateful principles, but with a far more militaristic vibe.

Oh, wait, I got it! I just had to take my time, and be patient:

I am sincerely contrite for violating the sanctity of civilized debate set by Godwin’s Law, but in my limited defense, the precedent of Nazism is the closest thing that I, in my 54 years walking this ball of Granite and space dust, have ever witnessed to be a near comparable. While I still maintain that it’s repulsive to compare Trump to Hitler, their song and dance act is literally drawn from the same giftige quelle, nevertheless.

Once again, when your particularly personal ideology is warmly embraced by White supremacists, conspiracy theorists, misogynists, supporters of outright treason and insurrection and the obviously insane, I’d strongly suggest outright that you might just be on the wrong side of History, if not Humanity itself.

And yes, it really is that simple. Because for all of the Conservative babble concerning the nearly mythic of Leftists being the arbitrators of political valence within this country, a recent tabulation of such, says otherwise.

According to a study conducted by the Anti-Defamation League, ALL the extremist-related murders in 2022 were committed by right-wing extremists of various kinds, who as a rule, commit the majority of such killings, but the last time they were responsible for all, was back in 2012.

And while it is true that Left-wing extremists do participate in violent acts encompassing the gamut from beatings to politically-motivated arson, they rarely target their adversaries with specifically directed acts of personal violence, as the Alt-Wrong tends to do. This is not to say that the three lummoxes above, are cut from that predominately putrid cloth, but they most certainly applicable in the collective guilt-of weaving it.

In closing out this screed, may I remind you all of one thing: it’s been proven, and this, sadly more than once, that today’s reality-deficient American Conservative, can quite easily become tomorrow’s reason for the GQP to pointlessly offer yet again, their stereotypical “thoughts and prayers” as a faux salve to that which should have been prevented from fomenting in the first place.

And mark my words, the motivations of these persons, who if they ever had a clever thought, it would find itself dying alone and afraid, aren’t going away anytime soon. And even more disturbingly, their cumulatively destructive aftereffects of their ideological indoctrination may last for possibly decades, a point I’ve espoused before, and as you may have already assumed, at some considerable length,

It is me, after all. But never forget this below, is who [and what] these “True Americans and Patriots” really are:

Well. They seem… “spirted”, if not really nice and friendly, with their hearts obviously open to all.

And keep in mind, these images were snapped at a place where these mentally-obese Neanderthals should have been at their happiest; at a Trump rally, among their own kind, both intellectually and melanin-wise, wearing their MAGA best, waving their Chinese-made “TRUMP” banners, and stewing in their own hatred, wondering allied just when they could start lining the “Demonrats” up against the wall.in order to “protect” their kids, their schools, their mythical God, and most importantly, their real spiritual leader:

This guy. The sexual deviant who talked about wanting to “date” his daughter Ivanka. The creep who openly wondered in 1994 on the TV show “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous”, if his then ONE-YEAR-OLD daughter Tiffany, would grow up to have big breasts. You know, like any normal father would? That guy.

Furthermore, this self-admitted attacker of women, dismissed a credible accusation of rape by breezily saying; “She’s not my type”, which indicates rather disturbingly, that there’s not only a “type” that he would rape, he might do so, if given the prime opportunity. This opinion of mine, being based on his despicable assertion that; “when you’re famous, they just let you do it”. That guy.

The hateful, bigoted, narcissistic demagogue, whose personal incompetence overseeing a pandemic, led to the deaths of the citizenry he swore to protect. That guy. The fake university grafter who left behind a trail of bankrupted business carnage, unpaid loans, and used the power of the White House to promote his own business interests. That guy.

The dictator-praising, POW mocking, war-widow insulting, Gold Star Family slandering, American Flag dry-humping, draft dodger and donated Purple-Heart accepting bully, who could affront his supposed enemies be they real or imagined on Twitter or during a train-wreck press conference, but not to their actual faces. That guy.

The lie-spewing, twice-impeached, conspiracy-theory-promoting, cowardly traitor, who through the application of social media outreach, openly fomented an attempted insurrection when he was declared the loser of a fair and legal election, which led to one of the darkest days in American History. That guy.

And all of this abominableness, taking place shortly before he was caught orange-handed via an FBI raid, in illegal possession of classified documents, an embarrassing situation which he tried [and failed] to explain away by offering no less than five different stories regarding why this was. These are known in the trades by the way, as “blatantly transparent lies”. That guy.

As a country, we’re better than that guy, aren’t we?  I say this with supreme confidence, despite all of the seemingly empirical evidence that says otherwise. America has been tested since its inception, and it is certain that it will face duress yet again, but this treasonous piece of rancid offal and his red-hatted Vanilla Vanguard, will not be what we allow to finally breaks us.

Author Neil Gaiman once said in regards to the soul-crushing events of 9-11 that; “Everybody dies. Just as everything created is eventually destroyed. Then what’s the point of anything? The point? Walk the world. Help to feed the hungry, help comfort those in pain. Do what you can to leave the world a better place.”

In essence, don’t be “That Guy” And whenever possible, don’t allow others to turn into the same.,

“The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance; it is the illusion of knowledge.” – Daniel J. Boorstin