Wayne Michael Reich

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Seay What? Pt.1 (Apostle of the Asinine)

“Some stories have to be written because no one would believe the absurdity of it all.” – Shannon L. Alder


Greetings, Bitchiteers!

It is truly a lovely day out here in the high desert that is my homestead lair in southwestern New Mexico- the birds are singing, the clouds are puffy, and our Conservatives are still furious about a wide swath of topics, ranging from the “Barbie” movie to the horror of discovering that not only do women have opinions about freely possessing their own body autonomy, they’re also allowed to express them too.

Why, just the other day, I laid down the law (as it were) to my GF of 14 years, and informed her with great confidence no less, that I was the unquestionable “King of the Castle”, and she responded by telling me that as such, it was my sole responsibility to be the one that goes and gives “my” castle’s moat alligators, a bath. However, for some strange reason, she had me sign multiple insurance policies before I did so.

I’m sure neither of these events have a direct correlation to the other, but she did seem rather disappointed when I returned wet and muddied, but otherwise relatively unscathed. Oh well… a rumination for another time, I guess.

Man, it’s so hard being a White middle-aged man these days, let me tell you. It’s almost as if being blessed as such, doesn’t grant you the semblance of wielding unwarranted authority without the fear of societal reproach anymore. A circumstance to which I can sadly attest to, given the empirical evidence that currently exists.

By way of vile example, peruse these ever-so-classy bumper stickers that I ran across in while buying a quart of milk the other day, and as you do, keep in mind that I live in Mayberry, and not Florida:

Yup… no better way to let your fellow citizens know just what an intellectual powerhouse they’re in the presence of, than by plastering your overcompensating-for-a-severe-shortcoming ride with examples of just why your family doesn’t let you operate a microwave without either an adult being present, or a series of liability waivers having been signed first.

And referring to VP Kamala Harris as a “Hoe”, when quite literally, the renting of an actual one is how your mango-man-child found himself in legal trouble to begin with? Well, that’s is nothing less than the most transparent of craven Conservative deflection at its mist uninspired. However, its this next slice of Alpha-wannabe-ism that makes me feel that this person might benefit from some quiet time in a secured room wallpapered in “bouncy castle”, and the sooner, the better:

Note that I live in an allegorical Mayberry, not Beirut, but when you’re a dumber than fuck Neocon, who’s scared of your own shadow because its black, I guess we can’t really be too surprised at your inability to handle the world as it actually appears to those of us who are able to go get milk without the aid of an arsenal. Rest assured, if BLM started packing heat to their protests in the same manner that Trumpers tend to do, this twit would turn into David Hogg overnight.

Yup, I’m sure there’s no better way to convince your fellow citizens that you’re a rationally-thinking human being, than be subsisting your letters with the icons of mass shootings, am I right? Sure, you could argue the need for the 2A being reasonably applied in regards to certain situations, but why do that, when it’s so much easier to come across as a delusionally paranoid loon?

And nowhere is this mewingly pathetic sense of self-induced fear better represented, than by the inclusion of this next bumper sticker, wherein its owner’s inherently weaponized racism, is redirected at a demographic that they knowingly slander as being the ongoing perpetrators of such:

 I do love the message here, unsubtle as it is: “Gosh, if only those uppity Negroes could just stop complaining for five minutes about all if the societal inequities that we continue to inflict upon them, they’d be so much happier in the long run. It’s almost as if they don’t appreciate any of the beneficial skills that we taught them when they were legally pour property. The nerve! isn’t it enough we let them remain free?”

You heard it here first, boys and girls: it’s “BLM” that’s keeping racism alive. Not White Nationalists. Not Hate groups. Not bigoted laws, racially-charged political redistricting, or even the unspoken but strongly inferred racial and societal policies minimizing minority access to the power structures within this country, either. It’s all the fault of BLM alone.

In fact, just ignore all the race-baiting that the GQP engaged in during Obama’s two-terms, and acknowledge that it’s the GQP whose doing most of the heavy lifting on eradicating the scourge of racism from our noble country, as these collected media headlines most definitively prove beyond all doubt:

Well, this is strange, is it not? I for one, can’t see how the party that regularly purges minority voters off registration rolls, carves up vetoing districts to cause underrepresentation issues in minority-laden areas as they close voting centers in the same, and who also attempts with regulated consistency to pass legislation that would directly impede the fair access rights of minority voters, could ever possibly be the bad guys here.

Normally, I would savagely mick someone who openly presents themselves as possessing the severely limited intellect typically assigned to a racist rice cake, but as it’s obvious to anyone who parks next to this Faketriot’s attempt to compensate for the distinct personality that he so obviously lacks, I guess I’ll have to charitably give him a symbolic hall pass of sorts. Besides, what level of shame could I possibly inflict upon a moron who drives around with this proudly posted on the back of their overpriced substitute penii?

You stay classy, Trumpers. As only you can.

Now, while this boast is absolutely disgusting, especially when given the actual age of the Beta-bitch driving this rolling testament to what can transpire if a can of AXE body spray is granted the merest of sentience, it actually does help fill in some of the blanks about as to what this mentally-obese midget’s particular issue really is.

What is that, you ask? Well, considering that this waste of otherwise internal organs lives in a state whose African-American demographic was listed by the 2020 census as consisting of 43,476 individuals, or roughly 2.7% of New Mexico’s population, my guess as to why he is the way that he is, might be due to the fact that his racial sensitivity may be just as underdeveloped as his political assessments.

Nevertheless, instead of my assigning such blame on his seemingly being a reprehensibly racist idiot as I’ve been assuming, perhaps I should consider the possibility that thanks to his self-declared passion for a truly unique culinary specificity, its inevitably led to the unfortunate occurrence of him finding his head stuck halfway up Trump’s ass. And trust me, this happens way more than you’d like to think it does.

Proof of concept provided, and that, free of both charge and any notable semblance of self-awareness:I’m going to level with you all here- I never thought I’d see the day where Trump’s name and the serious recommendation to freely “think”, would ever be in proximity of each other. And be honest, from the first moment that you saw this photo, you were thinking the same thing too, for some days, the jokes literally just write themselves.

I always enjoy how the party that never thinks for itself, is always encouraging others who already doing it, to give it a whirl. And as a side note, just whom is it, that these brain-dead cultists are going to “take” America “back” from? Because the last time that I or anyone else for that matter cheeked, the only people trying to steal it for themselves by any means possible, were Conservatives.

However, this newest of players slithering onto the field of critical thinking, had more to “say”:

Um, genius? If you willingly voted for Trump, regardless of whether you did so once or even worse, twice- you most definitely did “vote for this”. Glad that I could be the one person who so happily pointed this out to you. Fortunately, where I currently now live, we’re pretty much stocked up with actually functioning humans with the only random pocket of this sort of inanity blathering about, but overall, sanity reigns.

However, this is not the case whereas the mentally dystopian MAGA movement is concerned, because in the political sewer that these sanctimonious slugs slither through, conspiracies are king, shadowy rumors are verified facts, and displays of an over the top White faux-rage, is the key to the successful dissemination of its ignorantly hateful ideology among its asinine adherents.

Proof of concept provided yet again, this time utilizing the vehemently stupid words of previous Artbitch scratching post, the disgracefully failed human (and previous Artbitch story subject) that just so happens to be one Debbie Nowicki Harshbarger of Pocono Summit, PA:

Read that again if you would, and be as horrified as I was, for not only does Harshbarger earnestly believe that just because a candidate [Trump] has a well-documented history of racism, fraud, multiple business loan defaults, licentious graft, serial lying, self-admitted sexual assaults, perverted comments regarding his own daughter, venomous slander, shady tax dodges, and possible money laundering, it’s really is not a deal-breaker, so far as she and her lack of personal ethics are concerned

And that’s before you even factor in his two presidential impeachments, three criminal indictments after leaving office, an unprecedented conviction for sexual battery, seventy separate criminal charges relating to fraud, obstruction of justice, the theft and willful illegal retention of classified documents as well as his alleged attempt at staging a political coup after losing the 20202 presidential elections.

But even so, that’s still not reasons enough to convince our resident Debbie Dumb-as-fuck here, as to why he shouldn’t ever be allowed to run for shop steward, much less the most powerful position in the land.

Sadly, while its well-known that Misery loves company, so too, does willfully malevolent ignorance:

I’m not entirely sure just how these simpletons find each other outside of their inbred MAGA rallies, but unless the process is similar to the mysticism of the “Quickening” from the Highlander movie series, I’ll assume for the time being, that it’s an idiocy-sensitive pheromone reaction, and leave it at that.

Now, while Harshbarger’s FB buddy Jody Fox seems to be relatively=y smarter than her odious cohorts in density, she’s still a cultist nevertheless, as evidenced by her false praise of just how “safe” America “was” under Trump. You know the guy. He was the Tang-tinted aficionado of treason who right before he attempted a coup to retain power, also praised dictators as he tried in vain to become America’s first duly elected fascist?

Good times, all around.

But Eileen Vara, who has so obviously missed her true calling serving as a poster child for Stockholm Syndrome is the real jackass of note here, because if we’re going to be brutally honest, I’d dare say that her posted take on who and what Trump really is, reads as if she had been forced to write out a ransom demand for her folks back home, after finding herself kidnapped by the Conservative branch of the SLA.

I’ve heard of the procedure for brainwashing those who are weak-minded into weaponized adherents for the benefit of an abominable cause, but how is such a tactic successfully accomplished, when the persons that you wish to so cruelly inflict it upon, have not a working brain among them to speak of in the first place?

Denial may not just be a river in Egypt, as the old joke goes, bit it most certainly is a founding cornerstone of the modern-day Conservative movement, no matter how objectively you try to look at it. And as it is with most virulent infections, its spread is far more insidiously threatening than was first predicted.

Trump infamously, if not over confidently, once said that; “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters, OK?”, which in and of itself is a horrifying declaration coming from someone who’s in an almost unassailable position of authority. But what’s truly terrifying to me at least, is knowing that the dimwitted disciples of such a person, would willingly sacrifice themselves to be his victim if asked.

Such is the case for today’s story subject, a seemingly disturbed man-child from Bentonville Arkansas, who goes by the name of Jeffrey Seay.

But what exactly makes Seay “disturbed” in my ever so humble opinion, you ask? Well, there’s his sense of faux Christianity, veiled racism, implied threats of political violence, a hateful obsession with a child entertainer, and of course, a love for conspiracy theories and anti-LGBTQ phobia, that just might make the aforementioned Debbie Nowicki Harshbarger, come off as being wholly lucid.

Yup. He’s that far gone, and while it unsettles me as a rational person to know that he is, the writer in me couldn’t be happier for the copious material that he provides, if only to craft yet another tale of unfortunate American idiocy. To start us off, I’ll open this screed with an observation of his, which unlike the rest of what you’re about to read, is fairly sagacious in its message:

Truly, this is a somewhat valid assertion, overall. And ever so graciously, Seay is more than happy to provide proof to underpin it, although I’m confident that it’s not in the way that he could have (or would have) ever predicted:

I so love having to break this to you Jeffrey, but that’s not how that works. In fact, that’s not jhow any of this works. Buckle your seat-belts kids, for I’m about to take you on a roller-coaster of nearly farcical ignorance, if not the depths of an alleged mental illness, and rest assured, it’s gonna be a doozy of a ride. But where to start? Foer when it comes to the world of wackadoo that Seay so happily inhabits, I have several subject areas open to me, with related numerous sun-categories nestled within.

These In order, are: CONSPIRACIES: with the sub-cats being; “Health”, “Political”, and of course, “Wackadoo”. HATE: with the sub-cats being; “LGBTQ”, “Racism”, and “Violence”. JACKIE HATE: a collection deviated to Seay’s obsession with Jacqueline Marie Evancho, an American singer who became the focus of a hateful obsession orchestrated by Seay, when she was only 16. POLITICS: which has no sub-cats, but contains Seay’s generalized political takes, most of which are ill-informed, if not insane, but don’t qualify as conspiracy-laden… yet. And finally, SOCIAL ISSUES: with the sub-cats being; “Abortion”, “Alcohol”, God”, and “Media”.

Since the last three previous Artbitch story-arcs focused on hysterically inane LGTBQ hatred and debunked conspiracies, I’ll save those guys for the last facet of this particular series this series, and open up instead with something inherently American as apple pie, baseball, and bad lite beer, that being the vile scourge of Racism:

And there’s no better way to instill unwarranted fear of the “other’ than by falsely insinuating that ‘they” want nothing less than to remain lazy as fuck when “they” get here, which, when you think about it, seems pretty counterproductive to successfully taking both your money and your life, as Seay so histrionically claims below:

Let’s hear it for stereotypes, for without them, Conservatives would have literally nothing in their social media arsenal to hurl at their adversaries. However, I do have a few notes to address, if I may. First, I for one, have no problem with granting welfare to the poor, half as much as I do with being forced to give it to the rich, and second, I fear my fellow Americans far more than I will ever fear an immigrant from Mexico.

And I say this, as someone who unlike Seay, actually resides in a border state. Not to mention, if the undocumented are so lazy as Seay falsely claims, then why are they always getting busted at their workplace? In addendum, the rate of criminal activities among the non-native in America is significantly lower than that which is committed by the native-born, but as that requires the undertaking if actual research, I can see why Seay chose not to do any to begin with. 

Nevertheless, Seay isn’t quite done casting slander upon the already beleaguered recipients of America’s welfare system just quite yet, because he has yet another “crime” to expound upon, and as you’ll come to expect of anything that comes out of his warped brain, not only is it imaginary, if not irrelevant, it’s also an action that’s been legally protected since 1989:

In that year, the Supreme Court ruled in a 5 to 4 decision, via the case of Texas vs Johnson, that flag burning and/or emblematic destruction (AKA; “disrespect”) of the American flag, constitutes symbolic speech that is 100% FULLY PROTECTED by the pre-set parameters of the First Amendment.

So, please feel free when you have the time, to choke on the rights of your fellow Americans Jeffrey, and I hope that the associated taste of doing so, is just as bitter as you are about living in a country where such is permitted. Because as you may not know, we have loads of Freedom and stuff for everybody now, and not just you.

Tellingly, Seay depicts African-Americans as being dually on welfare and disrespecting the flag, both of which they can do legally and theoretically without suffering societal reproach, yet at no point has he ever done the same in regard to Whites or more specifically, these insurrectionist ass-clowns, seen here using his beloved flag as a weapon in an attempted coup against the United States government:

Simple question, Jeffrey? Since you’re such a Patriot, I can only assume that you’re gonna demand that these disrespectful abusers of your beloved flag lose their welfare cheeks too? I’m sure that your answer is “yes”, because otherwise, you might come off looking like a hypocritical bigot, and mythical Lord above or below, knows that you don’t want that.

Sticking with the theme of Seay being a disingenuous dogmatist, we have this next offering of odiously racist offal, which blatantly plays upon the fear of a Black planet, or even worse, a Black next-door neighbor:

Remember when they used to say that the reason why people were soi goddamn stupid was because they didn’t have access to the proper information?> Yeah… it wasn’t because of that.

I’ve covered this topic several years ago in a series of screeds relating to an Artbitch chew-toy by the name of Ken Cykala, so therefore, I won’t waste my time and yours hashing out the particulars out in detail yet again, but these “statistics’; are demonstrably misleading as hell.

For according to the FBI’s Expanded Homicide data which is easily discovered online, 80.7% [on average] of the murders of White people were committed by other Whites, whereas when the tables are reversed 88.9% of Black murders were committed by their fellow Black citizens. As to Seay’s claim that Blacks commit crimes against Whites at a higher rate than Whites do towards Blacks, the percentages fall into a rate of 15.5% versus 8% which if you can do math, falls far short of the 41% that Seay espoused.

Gee, it almost seems as if Seay couldn’t be bothered to check out the data regarding his blatantly racist falsehood before he posted it, doesn’t it?

I also like how he deliberately glossed over the societal factors such as poverty, educational disparity, and lack of opportunities that directly lead to a higher rate of crime among the Black community, but to be fair, when you’re too busy seeking out racist memes, to do actually competent research concerning your own argument, some crucial things just have to fall by the wayside, I guess.

If there is a silver lining of sorts, it’s that Seay for his part, doesn’t come off as your stereotypical Neocon racist. In fact, when his bigoted blatherings are measured up against the rest of the garbage that I’ll be discussing as we move forward, he actually clocks in sort of light overall. However, that doesn’t mean that it’s a case of quantity over quality, because when he does slip on his front-lawn 3 am BBQ attire, it’s still just as disgustingly inane, as these next two posts attest:

Sigh… does anybody else get the feeling that when he was a kid, Seay regularly consumed lead paint chips off the side of his house at the same rate that I do with my well-hidden forbidden stash of home office Ding Dongs?  I’m not sure how one combines an unfounded hatred for Juneteenth, a busted cooling fan, and a misplaced mail-ordered product into a racist word-salad, but JFC, did Seay nail it flat, or what?

And BTW Jeffrey, regardless of what you don’t think, Juneteenth isn’t a “fake holiday”. You’ve obviously confused it with the reprehensible and ongoing celebration in your home state of Arkansas regarding the birthday of infamous traitor and Civil War loser, the Confederate general known as Robert E. Lee.

Juneteenth, on the other hand, is a federally recognized holiday commemorating the end of slavery in the United States, which of course, is the reason why it makes you soi mad. You know, because us Whites don’t have aby holidays of our own, other than the majority of the one that already exist? Say what you want about Juneteenth, but at least it doesn’t “start” six months before it actually arrives.

Now, while the following was more than stupid enough to carry us all throughout the day, Seay still has a far bigger fish to fry. Or should I say “pour”, because it concerns a now thankfully retired racist corporate caricature that apparently without, Seat can’t enjoy his flapjacks in quite the same comforting way that he used to:

And beta-bitches such as Seay, are the ones who dare call Liberals “Snowflakes”? Don’t get me wrong, the reason that I didn’t buy Aunt Jemima, now rebranded as “Pearl Milling Company” after the name of the company that produced the original product, because it had a “mammy” type caricature on its label, but because I thought it tasted like sugar water filtered through a dirty sock.

Informatively Jeffrey, while you’ve chosen to openly and falsely deride the Juneteenth holiday as being “fake”, you have no such qualms when it comes to the self-invented situation of your being pointlessly vexed by the fact that you no longer have an offensively outdated caricature proudly displayed on your mom’s kitchen table. But as they say, hypocrites are gonna hypocrite, no matter what:

However, much like the Confederate flag, the Black Centaurettes, shucking and jiving crows, and the vile big-lipped-bone-in-nose misrepresentations depicted in classic cartoons, it’s highly offensive in a day and age where we’re all supposed to be far past that sort of thinking. It doesn’t offend you? That’s great. But it also doesn’t matter if does or does not, because you’re also not the one being disrespected by it, either.

And as they say, hypocrites are gonna hypocrite, no matter what, especially when it concerns a topic or in this particular case, an abominably wretched person that nobody give a damn about any longer:

But at least you can stop your worrying Jeffery, for Rush Limbaugh did NOT go to Hell. Mainly, because like God, Hell does not actually exist. In that sense, it’s very much akin to your intellect, contextual comprehension, humanity, and Christian faith.

Nevertheless, he is appreciatively dead, he’s not coming back, and if there truly is any form of karmic Justice to be found, his grave is now the most popular public bathroom in Bellefontaine Cemetery. In closing, let me just say Jeffrey, that while I “want” Milla Jovovich to come over every Saturday night and give me a whipped cream and Nutella massage using only her tongue, it’s still nothing more than a hopeful fantasy.

And yet, I still believe that I’d have a far better shot at eventually obtaining my fever dream, than you ever will at your pathetic attempt to besmirch your far smarter than you, stack of pancakes. What can I say? I don’t make the rules, and thankfully for our society and collective sanity, neither do you.

Seay, to be charitable, does seemingly appear to be nuttier than a twenty-dollar pecan pie as we shall come to see, and this mental miasma that comprises his worldly perception, extends far past the sadly now normalized boundaries of Conservatoire cringe-worthiness. Take for instance, this contemptuous example degrading both the lauded Civil Rights icon, the honorable Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Jr, who was tragically assassinated in April of 1968, and for some strange-ass reason, the seminal 60’s sci-fi TV show “Star Trek”:

In case you were wondering, I too, have absolutely no fucking clue as to what Seay is going on about here, other than to serve as a prime example as to why our collective gene pool needs to hire a few more lifeguards. So King, a certified man of God, was a “radical” and “false prophet” because he watched Star Trek, a show that literally discoursed themes of tolerance, racial harmony, and divergent equality?

Oh yeah, that depiction checks out, especially coming from a cultist who worships a mango-tinted calf:

Let’s recap: God, the paragon of all that is virtuous, supports a lying, lecherous, twice-impeached, thrice-married, thrice-indicted, convicted sexual batterer and accused insurrectionist, and anyone who doesn’t think that Trump is awesome, should be ‘deported”, and regardless of what crimes he’s committed, he should be allowed to walk freely among us unworthy mortals, immune from the repercussions of his illegal actions.

Well. That all sounds perfectly rational, if not completely acceptable, does it not?

While I would normally advocate that Seay might learn a thing or two from the humanistic message that Star Trek promotes, if only to get back in touch with just how Humanity is supposed to work in its purest incarnation, I still feel that he’d benefit far more from being under the 24/7 care of a dedicated team of psychiatric professionals, instead. After all, it’s not like such a situation isn’t going to eventually be ordered by a court later on down the road anyway, so why not just cut out the middleman now?

Seay’s racism aside, he’s also fond of making threats and demanding the unobtainable from a selective roster of imagined enemies as most bigots tend to do, even if same said “foes” have little to zero bearing on anything that directly affects, or corresponds to, his forlorn fantasy life. One of these dastardly adversaries is of course, the main social media platform that all Conservatives use consistently, but also in tandem, impotently threaten to leave on a daily basis, AKA; “Facebook”

At this moment in time, FB has an estimated follower base of 2.95 billion monthly active users, with 239 million of those, being estimated in America alone. In ither words, if Seay and the rest of his ignorant ilk finally made good on their years-long posturing and “left” FB, not only would nobody even notice their asinine absence, it literally wouldn’t affect FB’s bottom line one iota.

Nevertheless, that verified factoid isn’t going to stop Seay from fantasizing online that he has a measurable sense of power that’s capable of moving the metaphorical needle one way or the other:

Gee, I wonder where sane people get the idea that Conservatives are completely unhinged? Truly, a mystery for the Ages. But when threats of violence fail, as they rightfully should, then it’s reasonable to assume that throwing an online hissy-fit in their stead, will certainly get the hoped-for goal achieved, right? Actually? No, but mythical God and the ever-screaming voices in his head love him, Seay sure tries:

Call me crazy, and I’m fairly certain that Seay meets the clinical definition of the term, but I for one, can’t take the threat of someone “deleting” [precise spelling] their account with any measures of serious regard, especially when (A) it comes from a person who can’t correctly spell the action that they’re threatening, and (B) when it’s also fairly obvious that they will never actually undertake doing such, in the first place,

As you may have already guessed, Seay STILL has his account, and at no point either, did FB ever cave into his “demands”. This is probably due to the fact that not only do they have no goddamn clue as to who he is to begin with, but that they also possess no actual concern as to what he might do, as well. Hence the reason why Seay then moved on to the wonderful world of posting insane conspiracy theories about them:

Gee, I wonder where sane people get the idea that Conservatives are completely unhinged? Truly, a mystery for the Ages. That is, it you’re a moron such as Seay most certainly appears to be. What’s even better though, is what Seay posted after his media-inspired meltdown failed to do anything of note:

That’s right kids, Seay’s FB conundrum apparently turned out to be a computer maintenance problem in the end, which must be the reason why he didn’t pull the trigger of deletion, as it were. Facebook’s gain is seemingly society’s loss, but somehow, I think we’ll manage to get through it with our chins held high and our spirits intact.

Refreshingly, Seay’s social media mania isn’t just directed at FB alone, as it seems he’s got plenty of his lunacy to spare for amateur Bind villain and full-time douchebag cosplaying entrepreneur Elon Musk, as well:

Now, as I’m banned for life from Twitter/X/Whatever the hell Musk is calling it now, thanks to my merciless mocking of both D-list washed-up actor Kevin Sorbo, and the site’s resident White Nationalist user base (true story!) I can’t ascertain if Seay has actually followed through with his online impotence, but the odds are pretty good that he hasn’t, and never will,

Thanks to his need to feel societally relevant, past his current stains serving as an embarrassment to his family Seay like most Conservatives, talks big, talks loudly, talks incessantly, but when it comes to delivering their pre-telegraphed punches landing successfully? Well, as it is with most threats of theirs if not his, it tends to only boomerang back into their own faces. But to be fair, given Musk’s declining revenue from hos unfortunately ego-driven purchase, Seay’s defection could actually mean something

But we all know it won’t, because as I just inferred… “truly applied follow-through”, and all that.

Seay, as it’s slowly becoming obvious, likes to think that he carries a big stick, bit even if he does, its blatantly clear that he swings it with LDE, or “low-dick energy”, as the cool kids refer to it. However, that still doesn’t deter him from espousing that the people he despises aren’t going to pay for the sins that he’s assigned to them, be they real or more likely, invented wholesale out of ether and inherent idiocy:

Gee, I wonder where sane people get the idea that Conservatives are… oh heck, you get the joke already.

I swear to mythical God, that if Seay fights as well as he postures and threatens, not only is this threat akin to our being assaulted by a mugger armed only with a bag of marshmallows, but that we could distract him from his task just by the casual mention of the fact that he’s holding said bag upside down, as he does so. And I say this, only because it seems that Seay doesn’t understand just how interaction between strangers on the internet actually works:

First, filing a “report” on FB means literally nothing, and second; what are you actually going to do from behind your mom’s keyboard Jeffery? Refuse to share your stash of basement Hot Pockets with the numerous strangers you can’t possibly begin to affect in any way, shape, or impactful form? Man, I bet those people are just quaking in their flat-breathing boots.

Granted, that’s probably from laughing at you, but I’m confident that they’re quivering, nevertheless.

Speaking of persons that are mewling in the public eye, Seay continues on with his campaign of displaying his sense of conservative cravenness, by giving us two more examples of just how clueless he is. I’m not entirely sure just why he thinks that openly posting the retribution of implied violence is covered by the 1A (it’s not) but if this mentally-larded loon ever does enact even a smidge of all the carnage that he promises, he’ll literally have provided the evidence necessary to lock his dumb as fuck ass up:

This is what mental illness looks like, boys and girls: a middle-aged man using the iconography of a kid’s TV show to post warnings of reprehensible actions that he’s too much of a chickenshit to ever actually undertake himself.

Let’s not forget, that these very same badasses of Betadom, attempted to overthrow American democracy on J6, and in a brilliant show of intelligence, were “smart” enough to record all the evidence that is now being currently sued to prosecute them for a wide range of crimes, due to their being “ready” to fight for an authoritarian man-child who in all actuality, doesn’t give an honest fuck about them to begin with.

Seay for his part though, isn’t about to let any of us forget just what a goddamn moron that he is in pursuit of the so-called “Great Reset”, as his being such, seems to be a founding cornerstone for both his venomous lack of character as well as being the impetus behind his warped sense of what constitutes codified Reality:

Gee, I wonder where sane people get the idea that… oh fuck it all, can we just collectively agree that Seay is so far down the allegorical rabbit hole that he’s found himself forced to learn Chinese, if only to seamlessly blend in with his new neighborhood of residence? Please list for me if you would Jeffrey, exactly what “crimes” are we supposed to be hanging Hillary Clinton for, given the fact that it was YOUR president who openly (and arrogantly) committed several acts of prosecutable and proven treason?

Take all the time you need to do so, as I’ll be here all week waiting for it, anyway.

If I were to be charitable in my assessment of Seay’s political takes, I’m afraid that such would be a task both Herculean, if not inappropriate, because even when you excise his ignorance, paranoia, and general state of venomous intent from the general equation at hand, he still manages to come off as nothing less than a waste of perfectly good skin and useful organs that could have been given to a person who was worth saving:

Wow. Just… wow. If you would be so kind Jeffrey, could you please explain in great detail, exactly why you disgustingly believed that the Nuremberg War Crimes Trial was a noteworthy subject ripe for the mining of at best, a nugget of mediocre comedy gold? Because those of us whose brains actually work the way Nature intended them to, are repulsed at your self-declared humorous instinct.

JFC, I have no idea how you turned out this way, but I think that it’s fair to say that at this point, either your mother really should have swallowed, or your father should have kept you locked in the basement until you were too old to do anything else but drool on yourself, versus your current actions of doing so on the World Wide Web.

Such vile imagery being flippantly presented as nothing more than the lowest hanging fruit of abominable joke fodder, inspires me to rebrand such in return to serve as a hopefully enlightening retort:

This nightmare of course, naturally includes the need to dismantle the disinformation producing sources that generate this kind of partisan bullshit, and then task the society in general, to try and get ahead of the problems that such material inevitably creates. The GQP, as well as its adherents such as Seay most certainly proves himself to be, are wholly culpable for the divisiveness afflicting America today, and they couldn’t care less.  

And even when they try to pretend that they’re not the ones specifically sowing dimwitted dissension, they still inadvertently wind up exposing themselves for the cultural charlatans that they truly are, and always have been:

Remind me again, which side of the political fence that it is, which finds itself consistently attacking the LGBTQ Community, immigrants, America’s minorities, women’s body autonomy, and its assumed political rivals with draconian laws based on nothing more than an obsessive desire to establish and maintain full authoritarian control over those that refuse their multiple attempts to do so?

Go ahead. I’ll wait. And while I sit here hoping for an answer that will never come, I’ll take a look at some of Seay’s other equally as stupid political takes. Interestingly, the first one up isn’t what I was expect ng to find at all, and therefore, it’s almost kind of refreshing in that regard:

Well, would you look at this? It seems that even a badly warped psyche can get something right every now and then. Strange days, indeed. And don’t you worry Jeffrey, because when Jack Smith the special counsel in the Trump investigations, is done with his prosecution of your mango Mussolini, the only relevance that he’ll occupy within America’s hallowed history, is his being regarded as its most disgraceful traitor.

Sadly though, such delightful flights of fancy fall back to earth, as without even a pause for necessary and overdue self-reflection, Seay reengages with his bootlicking skillset, and gets back to his uncompensated career of being a lowly and ignorant regurgitating propaganda parrot:

Allegorical gauntlet thrown down by an idiot; allegorical challenge accepted by far smarter entity:

Whad’Ya know? It seems that Facebook actually paid attention to one of Seay’s demands for a change.

Somehow though, I get the feeling that when he finally finds out about their taking a particular interest in this post, he’s still not going to be happy about it. But such is life Jeffrey, and as It tends to be far harder on those who proudly ascribe themselves to be fucking morons, I’d suggest that you get used to it.

Especially, since it appears that the rest of your insane demands, like most of the absurdly wretched opinions that you so rabidly post, are going to remain unanswered, if not ignored outright:

I guess what they say is true: when you’ve gone your entire life without once ever having been held fully accountable for your transgressions, prosecution for such, can only be erroneously regarded as persecution instead. I’ll say this for the members of Cult 45- they sure do know how to pick their heroes from the bottom of the barrel, do they not?

Even more hilarious though, is Seay’s gravely serious internet lawyer assessment of an anti-Trump parody video, which depicts Trump in the guise of the fictional cartoon character from G.I. Joe known as Cobra Commander. And while on the surface it is kind of amusing, you honestly have no idea how much I wish that I was making all of this up:

For clarity’s sake, the act of parodying copyrighted works was addressed by the established case law of Berlin v. E.C. Publications, Inc. in 1964, which resulted in what is known as “the parody exception”, In which, the parodied work must “evoke an existing work, while being noticeably different from it”, and in addendum, “constitute an expression of either humor or mockery”, which of course, the aforementioned YouTube video clearly does.

As to the rest of Seay’s uneducated nonsense, I’d point out that said movie he alluded to was based on a cartoon series designed specifically to sell toys to kids, but as he’s a whiny man-child who supports ah even far more petulant one, I guess I really shouldn’t expect him to quote any cultural reference that didn’t have a breakfast cereal named after it at one point.

And while Seay may not have a successful career ahead of him in the ever-expanding field of taking offense at all of that that which is transparently designed to provoke such a reaction, he does have a bright future in serving as the quintessential example as to why funding public education, is so crucially important:

Correct me if I’m wrong here, but doesn’t every person on Earth breathe through their mouth at some point? Granted, I don’t want to split hairs here, but as most Conservatives have already proven that they have no idea how a vagina or the art of affronting actually works, would it be rude of me to dare suggest that when it comes to taking notes on either human biology or the vernacular of the zinger, that perhaps they’re probably not the best ones to take such advisory counsel from to begin with?

And for a guy who derides others as being of low intelligence, which is what the slang term insult “mouthbreather” means, he seems to happily want to prove his own, every chance that he gets:

To this arrogant judgement espoused by one of Gods most flawed creations and not from the mythical deity himself, all I will say is this: from Romans 2:3: “And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God?”

SPOILER: If Hell actually does indeed exist Jeffrey, it’s fires await the likes of you and not us, given your racism, self-righteousness, flawed humanity, and as we’ll see further down the road, your bigotry towards the LGBTQ Community. Pack some Aloe Vera burn cream for the future you haughty bitch, because you’re certainty going to require it after you make the world entire a better place by shuffling off of it.

But this slice of unwarranted sanctimoniousness distasteful as it is, does segue rather nicely into our next conversational topic, that being Seay’s earthly representation of the teachings wrongly accorded to the supposedly all-powerful, all-knowing, and wholly sociopathic deity that is allegedly, “God”.

I personally, have always regarded the belief in, and the slavish worship of, a supernaturally mercurial Sky-daddy as a disturbingly early sign of an eventually to be onset mental illness such as Trumpism presents itself to be, and while I say this rather flippantly if not provocatively, as it awkwardly turns out, I may have inadvertently hit the nail dead square on the head, much to my chagrin:

For the sake of understanding just why I now feel as if I’ve kicked a drunken puppy into a wood chipper, I need to tell you what schizoaffective disorder actually is. It’s demarcated as being a chronic mental health condition which is characterized by symptoms that include schizophrenic hallucinations, delusional suppositions, as well as obsessive thoughts and mordant depression.

To be fair, when it came to my earlier opining that Seay has more than a few of his brain cells switched off, I hadn’t discovered this crucial nugget of information, and for that, I do feel rather contrite, as maligning those with true mental illness is never an intention of mine. Speaking as someone whose very own mother is currently afflicted with Alzheimer’s, the scourge of mental illness is indeed a horrible thing to make light of, and I for one, would never endeavor to stoop that low for a crassly offensive joke.

I say this not as a justification, but as a general rule of civility. However, if anything has become apparent since I discovered the possible underlayment of Seay’s off the chain commentaries, it’s that his mental state as such, is still no excuse for him to consistently act like a jackass in relation to it. And while I will maintain that this particular opinion of mine is solidly valid in its inference, I will also admit that Seay’s mental straggles definitely explain beyond all reasonable doubt, as to why he posts stuff like this:

Now, if Seay’s ramblings are a direct side-effect of his unfortunate SD diagnosis, then I have to wonder just who it is in his life, that’s deliberately turning a blind eye to his has to be obvious disconnection from reality, by not assisting hm in getting the help that he so perceptibly needs. But if it isn’t, then I’d also front the theorem that while stupid is as stupid does, it’s clearly found a true soulmate in Seay:

Now, if Seay’s ramblings are a direct side-effect of his unfortunate SD diagnosis, then I have to wonder just who it is in his life, that’s deliberately turning a blind eye to his has to be obvious disconnection from reality, by not assisting hm in getting the help that he so perceptibly needs. But if it isn’t, then I’d also front the theorem that while stupid is as stupid does, it’s clearly found a true soulmate in Seay’s “opinions”:

For those of you unfamiliar with the contradictory fables contained within the fairy-tale tome that is the Bible, 1 Timothy 5:8, says the fallowing: “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

Now for those of us who haven’t been clinically diagnosed as being soft in the cerebellum, we can easily dismiss Seay’s trivial annoyance at his father not getting groceries as being meaningless, in comparison to what the passage actually means. As it is recited by the Apostle Paul, Timothy in context, is primarily referencing the need to care for women who just so happen to be childless widows, for as they have no one to rely on for assistance, the need to provide for them is a sacrosanct responsibility.

And as Seay was also hypocritically sitting on his lazy ass as he typed all of the mewling out, rather than get off of it and go get his own damn snacks, my sympathy for both his “suffering” and asinine whining, hovers somewhere around zero. Try as he might though, Seay seemingly just can’t let go of the family angle, except that this time around, it makes even far less sense than the previous commentary it follows:

I consider myself a fairly intelligent person if the truth be told, and yet, this slice of literary psychosis that I’ve read through no less than thrice, still presents as if either Seay was undergoing a severe stroke as he was writing it, or that I must have, just before I sat down and started reading it. But as we’ll see, Seay isn’t the type of guy to rest on his lunatic laurels, cranking up the “WTF?” to an even higher level of inanity:

Remember the pastorally bucolic time just before the Internet was invented, when you could avoid the irrational walking and screaming among us, simply by not making direct eye contact with them as you swiftly passed them by? I really sometimes miss those halcyon days of concord and quiet, let me tell you.

However, what I really do enjoy about the Internet, other than unlimited access to cat videos, technical and scientific documentaries, and almost every Bugs Bunny cartoon ever made, is the amount of self-declared to be “accurate” takes on subjects ranging from POP culture to pop-rocks candy, or in this specific case, what following the teachings within the Bible “makes” you:

Definition of Conservative: ‘Tending or disposed to maintain existing views, conditions, or institutions”. Say, such as racism, misogyny, elitism, classism, bigotry, xenophobia, and the creation of divisiveness, for instance?

Definition of Liberal: “Not bound by authoritarianism, orthodoxy, or traditional forms, and associated with ideals of individual especially economic freedom, greater individual participation in government, and constitutional, political, and administrative reforms designed to secure these objectives.”

Gee… I winder which side God, his son Jesus, and all of their collected Angels, Elders, Seraphim, as well as the Cherubim, would want to hang out with? The one that uses the bible as a misappropriated cudgel to rationalize their fearful and ignorant attacks on the people and things that they despise, or the assemblage that actually thinks that all people are actually deserving of care, concern, comfort and charity?

And just in case you’re not convinced, keep in mind which party it is that wants to give all American citizens free healthcare, free college education, tax breaks for the poor and middle-class, and which side opposes gay marriage, women’s unfettered body autonomy, African-American History being taught in public schools, and who recently declared that abolishing free school lunches for poor kids is a top priority.

Once again, I’ll wait for your answers Jeffrey. And since we already know that your party sure as fuck doesn’t, actually have any for the electorate it swore an oath to serve, feel free to inform them their input is not required whatsoever. As it should be with any issue that directly affects the citizenry of this country.

And no matter what Seay would like to think, the ever-illusory Holy Father of All, as well as his equally imaginary sustenance staff, wouldn’t on any level acknowledge him as being one of his most local and enlightened lambs carrying the beckoning light of his ascribed faith, even if Seay claims this to be so:

As long as I breathe, [correct spelling, Jeffrey] I’ll never understand just why so-called (if not self-declared) “Christians” such as Seay, feel the need to consistently announce the faux moral code that they never follow to total strangers, as if they were applying at a job fair for a leadership role in disseminating hypocrisy.

Like this example, wherein Seay deliberately bastardizes the requested right-to-be-asked-for stance of the Trans community to be recognized for who they really re, and by his doing so, show us all just who he really is:

And rest assured, that will never be his being seen as the representative of God’s word, that’s for damn sure:

Seay however, isn’t content with just minimizing the LGBTQ Community by purposefully warping their terminology in order to laud his faux faith in a mercurial and farcical sociopath, oh heck no, for if there’s one thing that the charlatans of modern-day Christianity enjoy, its finding “new“ scapegoats to blame, as Seay puzzlingly does here:

Um… what? Did I miss the memo where the Amish officially became the new arch-enemy of the Christian Taliban, or is this just yet another example of Seay’s over-worked prescription for paliperidone, phoning it in from space? 

Now, while I don’t know that much about the Amish religion outside of the 1985 movie “Witness” starring Harrison Ford, I am aware that as of 2022, there were only 260 individuals who identified as such, living in Seay’s home state of Arkansas. Calling the Amish “arrogant” Jeffrey, when you yourself, have been posting just how strong your faith is in the VERY SAME GOD THAT THEY ALSO BELIEVE IN AND WORSHIP, isn’t any less conceited to be sure, but it’s definitely twice as stupid, no matter how you look at it.

And in our next case, that would be without Seay doing any actually certified theological academic research:

This one is actually a mixed bag of nuttiness, for it contains a snippet of truth, a dash of racism, a bitter icing comprised of Islamophobia, and wakeful ignorance, which after being deep-fried in a vat of vile vehemence and then plated with disingenuousness, is served up with a garnish of sheer idiocy and a sprinkling of personal cringe.

And it’s also 100% false. Sort of. I’ll explain.

What is true:  The religion of Christianity, borne out of a false narrative utilized to explain away an act of adultery that would eventually foist a social cancer upon the world, originated within the construct of Second Temple Judaism sometime around the 1st century CE, also known as the Common Era or Christian era. Islam on the other hand, as the majority of theologians believe, was founded at the start of the 7th century CE.

So, on this particular point at least, Seay is fundamentally correct. Sadly however, this will also be the last time that such a happenstance will occur in his favor, concerning this specific topic.

What isn’t true: The Bible is not a “religion”, as Seay claims, but is instead, the holy scripture of the Christian faith itself. This fairy-tale tome, which allegedly documents the supposed history of the Earth from its initial conception by a sociopathically petty creator, highlights his obsessive sowing of terror and divisiveness as he hypocritically preaches about his benevolent kinship with mankind throughout a small sliver of the modem-day Middle East. and that’s it.

In addition, Christianity is also not the “original” religion, either. In order of their establishment, these are the oldest known religions; Hinduism (15th century BCE), Zoroastrianism (6th century BCE), Judaism (1st century CE}, Jainism (527 BCE), Confucianism (479 BCE), Buddhism (6th century BCE),and ending with Taoism (4th century BCE).

None of this really matters pf course, as all religion is based on intangible improbabilities that can neither be confirmed or denied using credibly certified evidential procedures, but when you need to feel as if you’re the only one who got something correct, religion as always, provides the self-delusional aspect to force your inner sense of mistrustful disquiet into one of obedient submission.

And along these lines, bathing screams that you’re a Christian far better than not knowing a goddamn thing about the Bible’s history to begin with, as Seay so happily demonstrates here:

I swear to Seay’s mythological God, that if the ever-shrieking voices in his otherwise empty head don’t get fairly compensated days off on a regular basis from time to time, then truly an unconscionable injustice is being committed on a daily basis. While yes, the Bible does consist of 66 books, the Roman Catholic Bible includes another seven that Protestants at this time, do not even officially recognize.

In addition, as the Old Testament has been estimated to having been written during a period ranging from   1400 BC to 400 BC, and the New Testament from roughly around AD 40 to AD 90, not only have the original manuscripts been misplaced within the allegorically shifting sands of Time, they also most certainly, no longer physically exist.

Essentially, and for all intents and purposes of this point that I‘m about to make, the modern-day Bible is the resultant product of transcribers through the Ages having reproduced, and by hand no less, copies of copies of copies of copies of copies.

In other words, it’s nothing more than a literary game of Chinese Whispers, taken to its worst extreme, and as such, it’s produced several semi-disparate versions of the “perfect” book, better known as: English Standard and Revised English, King James and New King James, New American Standard, Revised, and New Revised Standard, New English, New International, New Living Translation, and finally, Tyndale,

And in spite of Seay’s yet again erroneous conclusion that saying otherwise makes someone a “JW”, (Jehovah’s Witness) the Bible as it now stands, has been altered, rewritten and ethically corrupted for both personal and political gain, since its inception. In fact, after the NT was first printed in Britain in 1881, its equivalent in the United States was published with 5,000 mimetic modifications alone.

And of course, we can’t possibly forget about this too hot for the Bible potato, either:

For the uninitiated, the Gospel of Mary is an early Christian text which was purposefully excluded from the canonical history of Christianity, as were the majority of the stories that verified women’s invaluable contributions to the church’s early beginnings. This cravenly action was rationalized by the men in power who crafted the foundations of the Catholic church, by their collective slandering of the Gospel as being “heretical”, and therefore, unworthy of inclusion.

But please Jeffrey, tell me again who it is that’s truly in a “cult”. I’m sure your take regarding such, will be fascinating. Now, given the fact that religion has always been weaponized to serve as both opiate and cudgel to control the masses, the discovery that most of its so-called divine provenance is flawed at best, should really come as no surprise to anyone with a working intellect.

Sadly, as we’ve observed, Seay’s intellect is seemingly taking the concept of what an eternal Siesta would entail, and runs it into the ground. Why do I suspect this? Well, it might be due to these last two memes that I’m going to close out the first part of today’s screed on, containing more than a measure of boldly uncivil menacing:

Well. This isn’t unsettling whatsoever, now, is it? All perfectly ordinary. Totally normal. Nothing to see here, folks- just another random day wherein an all-powerful deity with the power of divine judgment, threatens his creations with eternal damnation if they dare use the free will that “He” granted them, despite knowing the outcome beforehand of his actually doing so.

Let’s break this insanity down- you make personal plans relating directly to what you’d like to do or achieve towards the benefit of yourself or the lives of others, and God for whatever reason, arbitrarily decides to screw it all up, because of… um… oh yes, “mysterious ways” and all that sociopathic bullshit. 

The mindset that such behavior being acceptable from the aforementioned and so-called Loving Farther of All in and of itself, is bad enough, but the underlying implication that the act of planning one’s life is pointless in the end, because it’s eternally subject to God’s mercurial will, is the takeaway that I find to be truly disgusting here.

While Seay may have no problem rolling over and showing his belly to a deity who butchers people at twice the rate that he “saves” them from himself, I sure as fuck am not, and most importantly, never will be. As it stands, I don’t believe in God. But then again, I also don’t place any stock in fairies, witches, ghosts, goblins, dragons, or unicorns, either. I do believe in trolls though, because those are literally the cornerstone of my politically-themed writing.

As to the content of the second meme, if a friend of mine had informed me of its message emanating from a person rather than from an incorporeal deity, I’d recommend that they contact the proper authorities ASAP, file a restraining order, change their phone number, and even possibly, leave their house for a while until it was safe to return.  And if you think that I’m spouting unwarranted hyperbole, just substitute any other White male name with that of “Jesus”, and see how well that reinterpretation of this meme’s message sits with your psyche.

Still see it in the same way? Congratulations! You’re officially a member of an actual cult. And even better, it’s one that’s been accorded tax-free status, immunity from societal criticism and undeserved political power and influence. None of which BTW, ever finds itself trickling down to its most needy of adherents. But what has it given Seay, if none of the above directly applies to him, you ask?

Easy answer. It’s given him the arrogance to spew bile more in league with the all-too-real ideology of Stalinism, than the fictional faith supposedly taught by the self-styled Fisher of Men:

Congratulations, Jeffrey. You’re officially a member of an actual cult, and for once you’ve actually put Jesus ahead of your political inanity. But as we’ll collectively soon discover in Part 2 of this still-developing story-arc, that change of pace will soon devolve back into its stereotypically wretched display if boot-licking, willful ignorance, and conspiracy theory.

And as you’re a Conservative, I’ll make sure upon my return, to address your ever so refreshing assessments regarding the topics of abortion, alcohol, social media, American politics, the LGBTQ Community of course, and as mentioned in the beginning if this tale, your clinically insane, if not disturbingly obsessive, fascination with the American singer known as Jacqueline Marie Evancho.

Make sure you tune back in Jeffrey, because it’s gonna be fun…  mouthbreather.


“No wild beasts are so deadly to humans as most Christians are to each other.”
– Ammianus Marcellinus, The Later Roman Empire A.D. 354-378