Wayne Michael Reich

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Wayne Michael Reich
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Dope Springs Infernal PT.2 (Herald of Hypocrisy.)

“Atheists have not produced so much evil as hypocrites have produced, or even simply those who preached God without being prepared for Him, daring to pronounce His name with unsanctified lips.” – Nikolai Gogol

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

Is today not a splendidly wonderful day? The birds are singing, the sun is shining, the clouds are ever so puffy, and Rush Limbaugh is still dead. Truly, a glorious diurnal all around, if I do say myself, and I do. In fact, I’m in such a good mood, I may even try to get through this, my newest of screeds, without once referencing Milla Jovovich, Ding Dongs, or my dual hatred of both Nickelback, and the malevolent scourge that is the “Renegade Cut” of “Highlander II: The Quickening”.

Please note that I did clearly, say “try”. After all, I’m only human, and a good joke is still a good joke, no matter how many times you’re retreaded it. And if you don’t believe me, just ask Chad Kroeger, the lead singer of Nickelback, who’s literally cloned the same guitar riff so many times, that the Ethics Committee of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, has started sending him cease and desist letters.

As I stated in my earlier disclaimer, I did say that I would “try”, did I not?  And if once again, you think that I’m being overly harsh to Kroeger and Company, just keep in mind that the informational tidbit I’m about to present is not a joke- somebody high up in the Canadian government feels just as I do, and saw the usefulness of taking the dreck that is Nickelback’s musical catalogue, and weaponized it for the greater good:

What this relates to, is the story that the Canadian-based Kensington Police Service, recently threatened to punish drunken driving suspects by playing Nickelback in their squad cars, which I am sure on some level, just has to be a blatant violation of the Nuremberg Code.

Sometimes, you just have to accept that your personal character is not nearly as strong as you think it is, and just learn how to deal with the fallout of such. But sadly, this is a lesson that some, despite repeated exposure to the sageness of its teachings, never seem to learn.

Like this prime example of what happens,when a discount knock-off Bible mates with a displaced cave troll, and then leaves the resulting baby outside of a Trump rally, relying on the faint hope that the White Supremacists gathered inside, will find the Hellspawn, and raise it as if it were one of their own:

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have the pleasure of introducing you all. to one James Ray Springs: proud Oklahoman. Loyal American Patriot. Slavishly devoted MAGAt. Also, balding.

And as you’d expect from the descriptors listed above, a 100% full-on Cafeteria Christian, to boot.

Weird how those always seem to go together, isn’t it?

But James is so much more than your stereotypical Trumpanzee, as you shall come to see. If anything, he’s the poster boy for just why it’s so necessary to fund both public education, if not access to birth control.

And he proves it almost every time he posts, which fortunately for me, is often.

Now, I will admit that as a rule, I really do enjoy what I do for both personal relaxation and profit, and when it comes to punching metaphorical holes in the floor of the bloviating boat that is modern-day conservatism, nothing makes me happier than finding an undiscovered reservoir of Republican abominableness, and James here, easily provides that without even breaking a sweat.

I swear on all that is unholy, that when the receipts are finally tabulated, I’m gonna bet that this twat-waffling Trumptard may just be the most productive moron that I’ve ever written about, save for my prior literary endeavors featuring two of my favorite human scratching posts, *Ken Cykala and *Ruth Darlene Seawolf, and both of those, clueless as they are, were stallions when it came to the propagating of conservative density. *[Check out the AB “Archive”]

But when it comes to Spring, he’s truly special. Protective headgear and short-bus privileges all the way, and I honestly do mean that as a compliment. Until he came across my radar, I didn’t know, or even believe, that I could enjoy a literal walking personification of a bumper sticker, half as much as I do him.

Like a Super-Walmart based in Hell, Spring offers it all, and at a far below retail price: Racism, Misogyny, Transphobia, Homophobia, Xenophobia, Conspiracy Theories, intrusive Pro-Life ideology, Cultural Distrust, and my personal favorite, absurdly blatant religious hypocrisy, which if I were to gush over anything he does, seems to be Spring’s masterwork in legacy building: .

Sigh… as you will see, Spring’s main forte is to get things wrong- sometimes by degrees, but typically, when he does so, he misses the point not by miles, but by literal galaxies. If NASA ever gave him the keys to Artemis, and told him to land on Mars, this twit would find himself floating dead-smack in the center of HD-1 I instead, and most likely, would be ranting about the aliens already living there..

To note, not believing in a celestial sky-daddy, is not, and I repeat, NOT “nihilistic”. It is, in my most humble of opinions, both logical and sane, considering that said deity Spring espouses, is at best, a mercurial sociopathic sadist, who inconsistently tortures and then purposefully ignores, his supposedly most valued of creations, when they beseech him for help.

And if you want to talk about “dark concepts” Jimmy Ray, I’d love to hear how the instructing of perceptive morality, using a Bronze-Age tome that not only at times, contradicts itself, but which also contains numerously graphic accounts of actions both abominable and sadistic, will ever produce an outcome that wouldn’t be eventually classified by a trained psychologist as “f**ked-up beyond belief”, in the end.

Shockingly, immersing a suggestable child in an ideology of truly lurid so-called “morality tales” based on Genocide, Racism, Slavery, Torture, Misogyny, Sodomy, Incest, Rape, Murder, and the forbidding of the consumption of a really good Shrimp boil, falls far short of humanizing the experience of seeing the majesty and wonder of the world as it actually is. 

And yet, when given those parameters, this is the vision that you want firmly implanted in their minds, instead?

Yup. That’s not the second-worst form of child abuse at all. But having the sheer audacity to inform the same child that God is a myth, religion is a blatantly transparent cancer, and that magical thinking is bulls**t?

Well, just sit back, and watch the Cafeteria Christian Cabal break out the guillotines for the Atheists, light a bonfire for their science books, and declare that it’s really the heathens who are the real danger to our society at large.

Fortunately for the necessary continuance of sanity, if not our societal unity in general, modern-day Religion is dying agonizingly slow on the vine, and ironically, the mythical and wholly sociopathic sky-daddy himself, can be credited for being the primary factor leading to its demise. And in my opinion, the fault-line for such, starts forming at the launch of the sales pitch:

“Hey there everybody, for those of you not in the know, our Supreme father, AKA “God” has these ten supposedly unbreakable rules, but they’re kind of arbitrary at times depending on his ever-so-mercurial will, and if you fail to spend your entire life on your knees thanking him for cursing you with the taint of the original sin that was actually all his fault, he’s going to send you to a place replete with personalized torture, endless pain, and the joy of eternally swimming the backstroke in a boiling lake of fire.

Oh, and even if you were a bad person for let’s say, only half of your life, you’re still going to be stuck there until the stars burn out, because that’s how the Big Guy likes to show both his Love for you, and his penchant for practicing the art of sheer overkill, mixed with unrealistic and unobtainable expectations.”

Now, while this appeals to some people as a desirable lifestyle choice for some as yet, unfathomable reason, those of us whose brains still work the way Nature intended them to, are usually the first ones in line to say; “No thanks. I’ll take a seriously hard pass on that bullspit”. While I can accept the fact that Faith in and of itself, can be a wonderfully powerful force for good, I tend to lose that optimism when I discover that it’s been encased within the scurrilous shell that is modern-day organized Religion.

And as we shall come to see, when the allegorical reins are placed in the hands of a mewling hypocrite like Spring, it only serves to remind the sane walking among us, just what a crock the belief in the Celestial, really is.

The same people who conceitedly declare that they wouldn’t dare condescend to consult with psychics, mediums and the gateway to satanic values that is a Ouija board, are also the same persons who will tell you in the same breath and without a trace of irony, that they only take counsel from God, whom they’ve never seen, never heard, and have never met.

Case in point, courtesy of Spring himself:

Take all the time you need to process this inadvertent satire. And as you engage in the saddest of pauses after accepting the fact, that the people who espouse this garbage, don’t see the evident contradictions within it, take heart in the reality that their Age of Ignorance is coming to its long overdue end, and as it does, faux Christians such as Spring, will hopefully become as culturally relevant as an 8-track player, or even worse, a Microsoft Zune.

Speaking only for myself, I have never understood how anyone who supposedly puts stock in the “lessons” purportedly ensconced within the Bible, can consciously ignore the modern-day incongruity it raises. Take the story to be found in Genesis 11:1-9, which describes the arrogant folly of the Tower of Babel, which men built in a futile attempt to reach heaven from their earthbound confines.

To note; “And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech. And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there. And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for mortar.

And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth. And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded. And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.

Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech. So the Lord scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city. Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the Lord did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the Lord scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.”

In essence, God saw the humans encroaching on his front yard, and in a supreme act of petty celestial suburbanism, threw a spanner into their works, instead. So, if we hold to the lesson of the danger in trying to reach the underside of heaven via an earthbound tower, then why is God not seemingly as vexed by our building an international space station that in theory, occupies the space above it?

An installation by the way, whose very existence and research mission statement alone, proves consistently that God is indeed, no more than a myth akin to boogeymen, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and a good X-Men movie.

But it’s not all bad news for the fantastical, as Santa is still very real, and I know this to be true, because I see him every December hanging out at my local mall. Granted, he can never remember my name, but let’s be fair here- he is quite up there on the age scale, so minor memory slips are bound to happen.

If I were so pessimistically bold, I’d even opine that most Christians only believe in God, because the thought of a Heaven occupied by only people such as themselves, is a salve to the fact that down here on earth, we hold their actions and words to account. And of course, Spring is more than happy to let us all know (me specifically) exactly whom gets to be lounging on a cloud, and who gets to be Satan’s chew-toy;

While it’s obvious that I’m fairly dismissive of the sincerity of Spring’s alleged faith, I’d also like to point out that deep inside, I’m also somewhat envious of his assurance in expressing it as devout, despite all evidence to the contrary. In addition, I would also like to note that Spring’s interpretation of the Rapture is somewhat philosophically imperfect, as in my opinion, an Earth free of religious hypocritical extremists like himself, would indeed be as close to Heaven as my atheist mind can visualize.

In spite of the fact that as a rule, I tend to consider myself a person gifted (and oft-cursed) with a sense of supreme personal self-assurance, I can readily assure you all, that it’s nowhere near the level of Spring’s, which overall, reminds me of a meme I once saw:

And I must admit, even with my eye of cynicism fully open, that in a way, Spring is Batman; dark, brooding, and most likely, spending a great deal of his free time sitting in a cave, obsessing over the things he cannot change, such as women being allowed to have their own opinions, and African-Americans daring to do White people stuff unimpeded, in public.

In my last screed, I briefly touched upon Spring’s inherent misogyny and racism, in lieu of his so-called Christian values without providing a solid base for my opinion, but now it’s time for a few examples, methinks. To start us off, let’s tackle conservatives favorite sport, attempting to control women, and as you’d expect from a guy who needs to feel like an alpha, he knows not only what’s best for women, but what’s really going on in regards to modern-day feminism, as well:

I tells ya’, there’s nothing like having a guy in his seventies, mansplaining to woman unknown to him, what the true issues are in relation to their ongoing fight for unfettered female body autonomy. And as a bonus, he’s also more than happy to offer some unsolicited advice from his faux ivory tower as well:

I won’t speak for you of course, but as Spring displays his inherent suaveness by crassly suggesting that it’s the women who need to close their legs, you can just feel the love of Jesus rolling off this guy, as if he were dipped in AXE sanctimonious-scented body spray.

I do love the mixed message that Spring is promoting here though: if you make the decision to have an abortion, you’re a stone-cold murderer, but if you choose to have the kid, then you’re noth9ng less than a societal leech, and a whore, as well.

Damn. It must be so nice to sit on both sides of the metaphorical morality table, and still claim the mantle of prideful and unwarranted self-righteousness. However, we shouldn’t dwell on the past, because Spring is already doing that for us, as only he can:

Just grace and elegance”. And also, if you remember, an incontestable sense of anticipated subservience to the reigning patriarchal attitudes of the era. But our man Spring here, the obviously ardent Feminist, was thoughtful enough to issue a contemptuous observation about what aspects of femininity, women need to regain in his unasked for, and wholly erroneous, opinion.

You’ll notice by the way, that Spring didn’t remark upon what men in general need to do to better themselves, as once again, it’s all on the women whether they like it or not. Nevertheless, I appreciate that the first thing that Spring referenced was the importance of looks, and not strength of character, intellect, or personal ambitions, qualities which I’m sure in Soring’s world, are regarded as highly inconvenient, if not emasculating.

The irony here though, is that Spring, the self-declared adversary of Botox, silicone and all things torn, once posted this sexist tripe masquerading as political commentary, because in his cravenly chauvinistic worldview, the dumber the woman, the better it is for his cuckolded kind.

Now, before I reduce this asinine comparison to bloody shreds, I’d like to thank Spring for his almost godlike ability to set up the joke for me. I

n most cases when I’m writing about somebody as allegedly awful as Spring appears to be, I actually have to do a lot of behind-the-scenes work, such as extensive research, meticulous checking for accuracy, and let us never forget, the metaphorical heavy lifting involved in just getting my pixilated observations on the path to being crafted into a workable story.

It can be at times, maddening, depressing. exhausting, and stressful as frak, but when you take into account that Spring’s inadvertent setup was perfect for my eventual retort, it’s all worth it:

But Spring isn’t done quite yet with his mansplaining traveling show. After all, as a man of the Faith, it’s apparently his job as well, to instruct the women he doesn’t know how to properly carry themselves in public, even if he doesn’t feel the need to do the same for the men that they may encounter while doing so:.

Has anyone else noticed that it’s always the sole responsibility of women to dress modestly? To be the ones who have to walk back to their car parked on a dark street, with the keys splayed between their fingers, or to carry mace? To create a “safe phrase’ if they’re being harassed in a bar, where they’re also not allowed to get too drunk, because if they do, and wind up getting sexually assaulted due to being vulnerable, then they’ll be told that they were “asking for it”?

And my personal favorite: if a woman finds herself pregnant, you hardly ever hear commentary about the man that shirked his responsibility, it’s always the woman’s fault for “not being careful”, or “choosing the wrong guy to f**k”, despite the reality that it takes two to tango as it were, but society only likes to assign blame to the one person who’s already dancing backward to begin with.

Once again, it must be so nice to sit on both sides of the metaphorical morality table, and still claim the mantle of prideful and unwarranted self-righteousness, when it’s the male gender that inarguably, creates the problematic societal fear that women overall, are forced to deal with on a daily basis.

That fear by the way, which runs the gamut from the anticipation of unwanted advances to the aforementioned apprehension of being sexually assaulted, are seemingly of no real concern to Spring, who in a truly sickening act of crass chauvinism, reduces such valid anxieties into nothing more than an opening to launch a thoughtless infliction of a tastelessly abhorrent “joke” decrying them, instead:

For the life of me, I have no idea why anybody would ever doubt that this guy wasn’t a true “Child of God”, can you? Other than the fact that Spring displays both the intellectual maturity of a mentally-challenged penile implant, and the warmth afforded to an unprepared speculum, it’s almost like standing next to Christ himself, is it not?

For the record, the abominable and dehumanizing act of rape is not, I repeat, NOT based on the physical attractiveness of the victim to be, it’s based on opportunity, access, and control of said allegorical prey. I cannot believe that I even have to express this in print, but the scars of sexual assault, both attempted and achieved, go far beyond what Spring flippantly (if not repulsively) describes as “optimism”.

No James, “optimism” is what you have, in assuming that every female within your unfortunate orbit, isn’t acutely aware that you’re a nattering Neanderthal at best, and an allegedly passive supporter of sexual assault, at worst.

But here’s where Spring takes a turn for the weird. Despite his predilection for “advising’ women who didn’t ask him for such invasive input on how they should act, dress, fornicate, plan a family, and ignore the threat of being raped if they’re considered unattractive, he also wants them to know that he’s also not “one of those guys’, either

But just to make sure that he himself, in no way, shape or form, could ever be considered as “creepy”, Spring offers some additional and wholly unsolicited societal guidance to the women validly upset that their body autonomy rights are being taken away, with a sage suggestion that only a truly non-creepy septuagenarian would ever make.

And in the act of doing so, proves that despite his avowal of supporting a woman’s right to not be harassed online or in general, he is most definitely indeed, “one of those guys”:

If there was ever a possibility that genital warts could ever be granted the privilege of sentience, and then additionally gifted with both ambulatory ability and internet access, my gut tells me it would look very akin to the visage that Spring here presents, when he’s out and about in public.

Because along with believing that so-called “ugly” women have nothing to fear from dedicated rapists, he also espouses that women in general, shouldn’t be concerned with the equally valid worry of losing their body autonomy as well. And why is that?

Well, because of the Transgender community, of course!
Yes, this is a stupid statement. And yes, Spring is quite the stupid man. But no, he actually does know what he’s doing here, even if he doesn’t know what he’s actually saying. Like most neocons, Spring is deliberately taking two unrelated topics that he proudly knows nothing about, and is amalgamating them, in older to draw attention away from whatever topic was actually being discussed, before he did so.

A classic case of a “Bait and Switch” gambit, except that now in this modern-age, it would be far more accurate to describe it as more of a “Hate and Bitch” maneuver, instead. It’s one of the oldest go-to conservative tricks in the book, and the reason why Spring tends to use it so much, is probably because he was actually there when it was first written down,

In Sumerian. On the back of a freshly-killed Trilobite.

As you may have gathered after reading my last screed, Spring, along with being a misogynistic faux Christian and a soon to be proven bigot of no small reputation, also possesses quite the hate-on for the LGBTQ Community as well, which is yet another reprehensible aspect of his disturbingly f**ked-up character. Now. while I won’t be readdressing that topic just yet, I will, be revisiting it, if only to fully flesh out just what a heretical hypocrite Spring truly is.

Speaking of which…

Let’ me notate if I may, one of the Conservative movement’s favorite pastimes, that being the spewing of vitriolic venom at the entire Clinton political dynasty, despite Bill not being President since 2001, his wife Hillary not being culturally relevant since 2017, and their daughter Chelsea, who at the time of this writing, now works with the Clinton Foundation and Clinton Global Initiative, both of which are centered on providing solutions to some of the world’s most pressing concerns.

But just as Rush Limbaugh once so despicably did on his TV show where he inferred that Chelsea was “the White House Dog”, Conservatives love going after the children of the people they can’t even begin to touch. By the way, Chelsea was only 12, and Rush three decades her senior, when he made his revolting remarks, which just goes to show that the only people that the Alt-Wrong can take on comfortably, are the defenseless and the underaged.

And no matter how much you may want one, you’re still not getting a Matt Gaetz joke out of me.

Now to be fair, the elder Clintons have both had their share of valid political scandals, Bill with the Paula Jones and Monica Lewinsky sex scandals that almost sank his presidency, and Hillary with her own private email server scandal in 2015, but as to the rest of the so-called “Scandals” [Whitewater, Vince Foster’s suicide, Uranium One, Filegate, Benghazi, and Travelgate] they’ve all  fizzled out, much like Rush Limbaugh’s hateful little heart once so charitably did, on that wonderful evening in February of 2021.

And it pisses Conservatives off something fierce, because in spite of their declarations that they believe in the concept of Law and Order, [See; “January Sixth, 2021”] nothing makes them madder than when an avowed democrat walks away from a supposed scandal, while their guys get tagged for the same.

For instance, they’ll crow about Bill’s adultery, but ignore Trumps history of such. They’ll talk about Hilary’s missing emails, but purposefully overlook the hundreds of thousands that Bush Jr and Dick Cheney deleted in regards to the pointless war in Iraq. They’ll screech about Hunter Biden, but you guessed it, forget that Trump’s kids, Don Jr, Ivanka, and Eric, even exist.

Although for the sake of accuracy, so does Trump himself from time to time, depending on his need for either a scapegoat, an ass-kissing, or in Ivanka’s case, when he requires a special daughter-daddy lap dance to ease his rapidly fraying nerves.

Even when said “scandal” was proven beyond doubt to be a false and cherry-picked narrative, an overblown assessment, or wholly imaginary to begin with, such as “Obamagate”, the neocon nutbars just keep swimming forward, delightfully unimpeded by either the clarity of logic or even the faintest twinge of guilt in concern to failing their alleged humanity.

And Spring is no maverick when it comes to this worn out cliché, if anything, he’s a self-castrated gelding, dutifully following the party line in referencing a situational joke that went cold ten minutes after it was first created:

Delightful witticism, isn’t it? Especially coming from a self-declared “Man of God”, who apparently has forgotten the lesson of Ephesians 5:3-4: “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk NOR CRUDE JOKING, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.”

I can only guess Spring must have overlooked those wise words, in his never-ending quest to find the perfect blowjob joke regarding a political situation that nobody has discussed in over two decades.

If in the future, Spring desires to craft one that’s relevant (somewhat) he can always build upon the humor that while Trump had to pay 130K to a porn star to get the briefest of hummers, Spring, the ever so willingly loyal sycophant, most likely would have taken the task on for free. 

And no, I won’t be apologizing for that observational assessment anytime soon or even in the far-off future, given the empirical evidence of Spring’s willingness to happily swallow whatever bulls**t buffet Trump and the utterly complicit GQP, feed him.

By all known and I might add, self-posted evidence, Spring’s favorite repasts are those that serve up Racism as the appetizer, soup, main dish, and dessert. In fact, next to Spring’s almost pro-bulimic-level discharging of faux Christianity upon the unfortunate within his reach, this may be the next most vomitous mass that he truly enjoys disgorging in public. To start us off down the intolerant path of Spring’s mélange of mass-manufactured racial paranoia, I present this asinine foretaste of the things yet to come::

On the surface, while these are terrible tragedies, the narrative attached to both, is only half-true.

While Floyd was indeed, a career criminal, he was not “resisting arrest” when he died, as at the time of his death, he was in handcuffs, laying face-down on the ground, being overseen by no less than four officers, and as proven by bystander video recorded at the time of the incident, Floyd was being fully compliant.

This BTW, is not the only factual deletion in Spring’s account.

What Spring chose deliberately to not mention, is that during Floyd’s arrest, the now currently convicted 2nd degree murderer and former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin, who had both 18 prior complaints filed against him and a reputation for aggression, according to official police records, made the inexplicable decision to kneel on Floyd’s neck using his full weight, for close to ten minutes, leading to Floyd’s eventual demise.

In addition, Spring ever the dogged researcher also neglected to inform us all, that in the later part of 2017, Chauvin responded to a complaint, where he was once again, caught on video using excessive force against an African-American suspect. In this instance however, the individual was a 14-year-old boy who Chauvin beat so badly in the head with a flashlight, the child required stitches.

And then, in a foreshadowing of his eventually fatal encounter with Floyd, he proceeded to pin said child down with his knee for close to 20 minutes, as the boy protested that he was having difficulty breathing. Complaints that Chauvin resolutely ignored. This information, being deemed possibly prejudicial to Chauvin’s ability to receive a fair trial, was purposefully withheld from the jury that in the end, convicted Chauvin of Floyd’s murder.

Yeah… I did say “murder” as Chauvin was not only convicted of unintentional second-degree murder, third-degree murder, and second-degree manslaughter, resulting in a sentence of 22½ years in prison, the autopsy conducted by the Hennepin County medical examiner, also determined that the cause of Floyd’s death was, and I quote; “cardiopulmonary arrest complicating law-enforcement subdual restraint, and neck compression”.

In other words, but not in Spring’s, of course- it classifies as a HOMICIDE. Therefore, Floyd was “MURDERED”, and not “killed”. Semantics, I knew, but words and their implied meanings are still important to the accuracy of a narrative, specifically those based on racist ideology and the construct of victim-blaming.

In the equally as tragic case of Cayler Ellingson, a police official in North Dakota where the murder took place, have declared that there’s “no evidence” showing that politics were a factor in his being run over by an SUV driven by one Shannon Brandt the prime suspect.

North Dakota Highway Patrol Captain Bryan Niewind, has been quoted by FOX News as saying that; “We have uncovered no evidence to support Mr. Brandt’s claim on the 911 call he made that Cayler Ellingson is a Republican extremist, nor that this incident involved politics. This is a terrible tragedy for the Ellingson family. We continue to investigate what led up to the incident, the crash itself and the claim made by Brandt. But, at this time there has been no evidence to corroborate Brandt’s statement.”

Despite this official statement however, Spring has still yet to amend his claims, not because he researched the case and discovered credible data that reinforces his opinion, but because the act of attempting to do so, wouldn’t fit his narrative of Conservatives being specifically targeted victims of leftist political violence.

And when it comes to his claims that the “media” is complicity silent in concern to this case? Well, let us all just go check out what the ol’ Google has to say about that:

Hmmm. Call me overly optimistic, but if I were able to find 94,100 mentions of my name in 0.36 seconds, I’d personally feel that were more than just a few people paying attention to me, and I’d have some serious reservations on just how silent they’d be with that much social buzzing going on.

Nevertheless, it does prove that yet again, another one of Spring’s histrionic harangues, is nothing more than pure unadulterated racist horses**t, in regards to both its presentation of a proven to be false story, and its context as a so-called concern for the Conservative branch.

But now, having observed just how fast Goggle can come up with one’s personal relevancy, I’m actually kind of curious as to what my current share of Google mentions are, as I have been off the allegorical stage for quite some time now, so I can’t imagine I’d even register as a blip these days:

Wow. That’s not a blip, so much as it is a potential cause for worry, methinks.

However, as long as there’s nobody on the Internet wondering aloud what I would look like as a custom-tailored tuxedo fashioned by Ed Gein, I’ll just ignore the implications for now. Spring however, cannot, as his incessant need to paint conservatism as the true victim of racial identity politics, far outranks his crafting of narratives that ultimately, always fail in their attempts to assert his theorems as true.

Spring’s alleged bigotry, another one of those abominable character flaws that clings to hm, as if it were a wood tick dipped in superglue, seemingly drives his racist requirement for insidiously “woke’ boogeymen, ranging from politicians to athletes, whom as we shall see, just so happen to be, a favored target.

And if those fail to raise the racist ire that Spring is consistently trying to achieve, he’ll then play the preferred scapegoat card that all Conservatives keep in their back pockets for when political emergencies necessitate an immediate deflection, that being the topic of illegal immigration.

But before we dive into Spring’s hated of the Cinnamon, I’ll address one of Spring’s most-despised archetypes, the African-American athlete who dares use their constitutionally-protected right to protest what they correctly see as social injustice against their race.

And when it comes to the big fish swimming in the anaerobic lagoon that serves as Spring’s so-called intellect, there’s no bigger prize that Spring wants to land and hang on his wall, than Colin Kapernick, the former quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers.

Spring reviles Kapernick, but as it is with most of the race-based issues that irk ol’ Jimmy Ray something fierce, it has absolutely nothing to do with actual reality, and everything to do with his bigoted belief that our country’s prominent African Americans, just need to shut the f**k up already about the things he could care less about, namely racial disparity, and get back to standing around doing nothing during the playing of the National Anthem:

I hate to break it to all the hypocritical jingoists out there such as Spring, who demand that athletes paid to play a child’s game must stand for the Anthem, as they remain seated on their fat asses at home, but no law says that you have to stand for it, and you are more than free to take a knee as a form of silent protest regarding this country’s inequities, if you so wish.

Kapernick did just that, and regardless of the fact that it was an American veteran who suggested to him that that he do so, and irrespective of the reality that he legally could, Alt-Wrong pinheads such as Spring, lost what little remained of their goddamn minds, and demanded that Kapernick be fined by the NFL, or fired outright, because… um… wait a minute, I’ve got it around here somewhere…

Oh, here it is! The reason why, according to these fine not racist at all patriots, was because his actions were in essence, “disrespecting” the United States of America, its troops, its flag, and apparently as well, its great ingrained tradition of Blacks keeping their collective yaps shut, and knowing their place.

Shockingly, it is possible to both love your country and call out its societal flaws at the same time, because that’s exactly what the Founding Fathers wanted you to do. Hence the reason why the right to protest is the FIRST thing notated within the Constitution: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

And whether Spring likes it or not, or believes it or not, that right applies to ALL of America’s citizens. And yes Jimmy Ray, that includes even those annoyingly uppity ones that you so obviously wish were on a leaky boat headed back to Africa.

But this is not to say that Spring hates all African-Americans, as like most Conservative bigots, he will make allowances for those specific individuals that follow the predetermined game plan of being quietly subservient to their modern-day massas:

No matter how long I live, I will never understand how the trotting out of an allegorical human token in public, is considered to be “proof” that you’re not racist when you so blatantly are. This sort of cringing posturing is quite literally, akin to bragging that you have a Black “friend”, when the entire depth of your relationship, is based on the fact that you remember their name when you run into them at work.

As I called attention to previously; “it is possible to both love your country and call out its societal flaws at the same time”, and doing so doesn’t make you or your actions, unamerican, communistic, socialistic, or whatever term of the second that the Alt-Wrong tosses around, like they do their supposed morals.

And despite the reality that Kapernick has not played in an NFL game for FIVE YEARS, you would never know it, given how often Spring and his fellow Vanilla Valkyries, bring it up as a topic of subjective derision. Say what you will about the neocons, but being stuck in the past is truly their niche, and they do it far better than anyone else.

Let’s keep the context in mind here, if we may. Unlike the Conservative movement’s favorite ex-footballer and current senatorial candidate Herschel Walker, Kapernick isn’t a pile of unrepentant slime, doesn’t have a gaggle of previously unknown to the public children born out of wedlock, nor does he have a history of domestic violence, and most certainly, if not importantly, isn’t a well-documented pathological liar, as well.

Walker by the way, seen here denying that he just said what he just said, is also of African-American descent, and yet, despite the numerous flaws of character laid out just above, and the myriad of lies he’s been unquestionably caught disseminating, the GQP base still regards him highly, for simply no other reason than the inexcusable fact that he represents the “right” kind of Black person that they prefer to be associated with.

The celebrating of group cravenness, over that of individual strength, the lauding of the lowest, as it were. Speaking of which…

I don’t know about you, but when I need current political and societal issue guidance, I often turn to a guy who punches people in the head for a living, and if he’s unavailable, then the ex-jock turned tepid Thespian, whose acting chops make him appear as if he were the sole recipient of those punches, will do just fine in his stead.

Once again, Kapernick didn’t do anything immoral or illegal, as Herschel Walker seemingly does almost every damn day, but he did fully utilize his Constitutional rights to politely suggest that maybe police should stop murdering African-American citizens, and for a faux patriot and overt racist such as Spring is, that was just a step too far over the line that White people drew in the sand.

One might argue that Spring was simply irked at what he considers a slandering of the police in general,  but when you take into account that he’s displayed zero concern regarding the Capitol Police being attacked on January 6th, I’d infer that he only tends to openly support the Blue, when it’s openly murdering the Brown.

Has anyone else ever noticed by the way, that whenever Conservatives need to present a Black face to ward off the consequences resultant from their publicly displayed acts of racism, the only persons that they can ever persuade to speak on their behalf, always seem to be professional athletes?  Are they truly that unaware that African-Americans are omnipresent in career fields outside of the one that is the world of competitive sports, or do they believe that’s all they know how to do?

Seriously. Outside of Thomas Sowell, and Candyass Owens, how many academically prominent Black spokespersons for the GQP, can you list right off the top of your head? And no, “Diamond and Silk” don’t count, as I’m fairly confident that their only academic endeavors were in learning how to effectively parlay their dual cosplaying as modern-day Stephanie Fetch-its, into a profitable career in puerile propagandist punditry:

You know what’s funny? Honestly, until these two twunts burst onto the national stage like a festering sore on the ass of Humanity, I always thought that the practicing of intellectually vapid Karenicity, was exclusively a White lady thing, so I guess as a society, progress is being made, evermore the pity as it does.

The pity I have regarding the Progress being made is in concern to the ever-evolving tactics being employed by the Alt-Wrong to capitalize upon the established legacies of the Left’s heroes, severely mutating their message in order to make it line up with the inane ideology of the Right’s.

Take for instance, this rather enlightening exchange between I, Spring, and his hetero-wingman-for-life, one Jim Hodges, debating just what the honorable Reverend Martin Luther King would have done, in relation to the neocon-crafted controversy that whirls around Kaepernick’s cause to this day.

I do apologize for the sheer length of it, but trust me, it’s worth the read, if only for the fact that when Spring can’t sell his “Kapernick disrespected America” bullspit, he then introduces (of course) the irrelevant deflection of Hillary’s supposed email scandal, the Benghazi incident in which both she and the White House, were cleared of any charges, and a comparison drawing parallels between the FBI and the KGB.

And all of it is appropriate to mention, because as you already know, the presentation of such conspiracy theories, would be a natural transitional point in a discussion centered on the beliefs of Reverend King:

I guess you got me there, Jimmy Ray, because if there was one thing Martin Luther King truly feared, it was facing “backlash”. from the community that was at the time, oppressing his people.]

[Or maybe not, you absolute f**king moron.].

As I re-read Spring’s absurdly uninformed commentary, a question arose out of its intellectual darkness, and it is this: as it’s quite clear that Spring does not, will not, or cares not, to ever know anything about the struggle of the Black community in this country, would there ever be a time when even he, a most decidedly ardent bigot, would be perfectly comfortable with African-Americans taking a knee, en masse?

My instincts tell me no, but I’m almost certain that there’s at least one way, he’d be able to make peace with it:“Oh look… those ever so thoughtful gentlemen, are selflessly taking time out of their respectively busy day, to help that slightly distressed African-American citizen find his dropped contact lens.” Granted, I know that’s not what’s really going on in this horrid photo depicting man’s inhumanity toward his fellow man, I’m just picturing in my head, how deliberately Spring would rationalize what’s occurring within it.

However, as a final nail in the coffin that’s housing Spring’s racially-biased inanity, I’d like to introduce this little graphic regarding how actual veterans felt about Kapernick taking a knee, and when it gets right down to it, who better to directly ask, than the people whose entire purpose is to vigilantly protect the rights of the citizenry of the country they represent, if not occasionally lay their lives down for?

Well, would you look at that? Despite Spring’s asinine assertion that Kapernick is ’disrespecting” the flag, America, and I can only can assume that apple pie and Mom are thrown in there as well, it seems that actual veterans who literally fought and died for Kapernick’s right to openly protest, are in his camp rather solidly.

And yet, Spring is offended on their part, even though there’s no need or clarion call to do so. But that’s the beauty of false patriotism- it allows you to take your racism out in the open without consequence, so long as you wrap it in the flag first. Whenever I think of how Spring overreacts to African-Americans doing “White people things”, this is the image that always pops into my brain:

Is Spring just another ostensibly stereotypical racist? Well, as I see it, I’d have to begrudgingly say “Yes” and “No”. While I have made multiple jokes about Spring owning an all-White-Robe-based wardrobe, I wouldn’t perceive him to be racially violent, like say, a Klansman or an Oath Keeper, tends to be. But irrespective of this, Spring IS an outwardly proud bigot, none the less.

This is not to say that Springs casually drops the “N” word as frequently and as openly as he publicly displays his low IQ, but in judiciously selected company, I’m fairly confident that slur flies around faster than Superman trying to save Lois Lane.

In what can only be described as the polar opposite of “delightful” Spring is also as equally obsessed with yet another African-American athlete, that being WNBA star Brittney Griner, except that this time, Spring has merged his inherent racism with a sense of pathetically anti-American indifference to the plight of a fellow American citizen.

And what was her immediate offense that so upset Spring’s delicate sensibilities, you ask? It’s actually a very simple answer; much like Kapernick, Griner dared to use her public visibility and constitutional right of open protest, to call attention to the ongoing social concern of racism and police brutality.

Some context, in case you are unfamiliar: during a teleconference in July 2020, Griner commented that; “I honestly feel we should not play the National Anthem during our season. I think we should take that much of a stand. I don’t mean that in any disrespect to our country. My dad was in Vietnam and a law officer for 30 years. I wanted to be a cop before basketball. I do have pride for my country.”

Capping off her constitutionally protected remarks, Griner further declared that she would walk off the court if the Star-Spangled Banner was played, which is also her right to do so, even if she is Black. But you may be asking, why do I think that Spring is overly fixated upon Griner? Well to quote Connor MacLeod from the beginning above, “call it a hunch”:

If I have to give Spring credit for anything, it’s that he embraces his racism with the same intensity that a tween displays every single time that their copy of Tiger Beat magazine finally arrives, if that’s still a thing. Oh wait, it isn’t, as the TB is now an internet-based magazine, as it ceased physical production in December of 2018. My sincerest apologies regarding my use of a flawed analogy all around, but hopefully, you get my point.

At the moment, faux Christian-Americans such as Spring are reveling in the fact that Griner, an African America lesbian millionaire, and constitutional-law-applying athlete, is serving a nine-year prison term in the Russia for the crime of “smuggling” vape cartridges loaded with cannabis oil into Russia, which on the surface alone is utterly ridiculous, given that fact that they were obviously part of her personal use stash.

Now, while the act of bring weed oil into a foreign country was truly dumb, it also didn’t merit the 9-year sentence that Russian courts handed down, and that Spring and his fellow bigots are so gleefully crowing about. In Spring’s estimation, the uppity and ungrateful well-off dyke got her just karmic reward for daring to believe that she has the same rights as him, and so far as he’s concerned, she can rot there until the stars burn out.

Now, as irritatingly prejudiced is this is, there’s actually a sweet side to this train of bigoted thought, for I got to see true love in action when Spring’s as equally hateful marital magpie, one Kathy Stacey Spring, stepped into the fray to defend her husband, by echoing both his racism, and dearth of intellect:

The couple that falsely prays together, realistically brays together, I guess. And here I was, thinking that the only way Spring would ever find a true soulmate, would be if Marjorie Taylor Greene adjusted her adultery game include culturally irrelevant geriatrics.

Live and learn. However, it is sort of nice to know that Spring will always have a “plus one” for all those 3am front-lawn barbecues that I can see him attending in the future, as being a true romantic myself, I like to see everyone happy. Especially the people who make those around them, happier when they leave.   

I’m not certain how these two hummingbirds of hate initially met, but I’m fairly confident that the setting of such, was most likely centered around either a family reunion, or even possibly, a reenactment of the1921 Race Massacre that occurred in the Greenwood district of Tulsa, Oklahoma. But I repeat myself.

See, like most bloviating bigots, Spring tends to honor the past history of said prejudice, and despite not appearing to be the type of guy who actually reads books, so much as he consistently uses them for beer coasters, Spring is still here to reminds us all, just what’s really important- the preservation of a traitor’s legacy:

Yes Jimmy, since “they” removed the statues of a person who attempted to destroy the very fabric of the country that is today’s America, no one remembers him.

For instance, the multiple buildings, military installations, and schools named after Lee, as well as the memorials dedicated to him, are hardly enough to remind the common citizenry of who he actually was, falling way short of any form of established legacy worth noting. Seriously. It’s almost embarrassing just how little respect we grant this Confederate turncoat, is it not?

And don’t even get me started on the disgusting disrespect that’s been shown towards his horse- we’ll be here all day., I swear to mythical God.

To be fair, I could point out to this treason-adoring jackass, that statues aren’t primarily how History is taught or even learned, thanks to the innumerable resources of books, essays, magazine articles, films, documentaries, along with the presence of historical archives and the academics and teachers who interpret them, but when you’re as inane as he is, all I can say with practically in response to such, is thus:

Oops. My bad. For a second there, I almost forgot what kind of absolute f**king moron that I’m actually dealing with. Once again, for a guy who dually claims to be both a Christian and a proud American, Spring’s unproven values unerringly, always seem to be on the wrong side of the allegorical fence.

In yet another example of Spring’s unrelenting quest for proving himself to be truly unworthy of the privilege of not having his internal organs unwillingly harvested to distribute to those random persons worth having on Earth, he’s fallen back on his perpetual habit of allying himself alongside yet another house token for the Conservative massas, the obviously mentally-ill entertainer known as Kanye West, or as he likes to call himself now, “Ye”.

West, whom at his best, could be charitably depicted as having some serious psychological issues, is seemingly nuttier than a forty-dollar pecan pie, what with a well-documented history of bizarre outbursts, insane declarations, and self-started feuds with his fellow celebrities, thereby undoubtedly setting up the future guarantee that one day, a regimen of forcible medication and he, will be great friends.

Now while these issues in and of themselves being left untreated is concerning, when taken into overall consideration, his public displays of allegiance to both proven racists and their de facto leader Donald Trump is truly no more than yet another brick he’s placed in a wall comprised of sheer wackadoo, and as such, should be regarded with serious cynicism.

But for Spring, West is no less than a new card in his deck of racial politics, and mythical god knows, Spring is going to play it, for as long as he can. Nevertheless, as I noted just above; “Spring’s unproven values unerringly, always seem to be on the wrong side of the allegorical fence”, but this time around, it appears that said fence, was built just outside the clearly marked boundaries of Auschwitz:

Wow. Just… wow. I don’t even think I can find the jokes that are normally hidden within this kind of soulless garbage, and that’s actually my niche most days.

Other than the fact that this abhorrence should clearly serve as dire confirmation that a long-overdue intervention regarding West’s mental acuity is needed, it’s also a reminder that racism itself, is a human disease, and not simply based on or in, one’s cultural take of the world entire. Granted, while I honestly do believe that White people promote this character affliction the best, they also don’t fully own the proverbial corner in concern to it, either.

As a writer, I’ve experienced my share of closely observing more than my fair share of a mental dissolution in progress, but seriously, holy motherc**ksuck, what in the f**k is this? I can honestly say that if West does have a brain, I’d opine that most of it is currently being rented out to the voices of others. 

And what pray tell, is the state of action that is “death con 3”? I only ask, because there’s actually five states of “Def-Con” [the correct attribution], so any threat that hovers somewhere in the middle, hardly constitutes a sense of concern. What’s West actually going to do? Haughtily enter a Jewish deli, and impudently demand that they make him a cheese-free Reuben?

And contrary to West’s absurd declaration, yes, it IS possible to be a Semite and still be antisemitic, just as it’s possible to be Latino and hate other Latinos, or to be a light-skinned Afro-American with a dislike for your fellow darker hued ones, as well. To be clear, while West is visibly bereft of a fully-functioning intellect, it’s still no excuse for fomenting this antisemitic bullspit out into the public sphere.

And taken as a whole, the contextual substance of his vile commentary is virtually incoherent, even when the pervasiveness of his mental illness is factored in. However, as it was to be expected, West’s remarks were immediately met with instant furious backlash, and not surprisingly, accorded the worst punishment our modern-day society can issue; being restricted on social media:

I would like to point out, that in no way, shape or form, has Spring publicly embraced West’s antisemitic POV, but along those lines, he also hasn’t overtly rebuked it, either. This is not to say that Spring aligns with West’s sentiments, but it does go to show the commonality of Conservatives to willfully overlook defects of character, so long as the person [or in this case, the token] involved, can still serve as a political pawn of sorts.

You know, that whole “owning the Libs” thing, that Conservatives think is a viable and devastating gambit? I hate to break it to Spring and his fellow intellectual voids, but parading an obviously disturbed loon around as one of your torch-bearers, is never a strategy that works out well in the end, regardless of what you may think.

If anything, all it has done thus far, is dually showcase that the GQP’s inherent human disconnection and ideological desperation, once considered to be ostensibly their greatest asset, now only serves as a glaring reminder of just how deeply rotted their hypocrisy actually is. Now, why would I even suggest that you ask? Well, it all stems from this interesting political story, strangely enough:

See, a while back, West claimed that he was finished supporting Donald Trump, and as you may have guessed, the Alt-Wrong didn’t appreciate the fact that one of the ”right” African-Americans that they had been so gracious in welcoming into the fold, had dared in the end, to rebuke their mango man-child, before relocating himself to the edge of the proverbial plantation.

And Spring, of course, being nothing more than a regurgitating propaganda parrot, was more than happy to jump on that bandwagon at the time, by promoting a sure-fire way to punish West for getting in touch with his inner uppishness, that being the genius implementation of a plan based on paying him an exorbitant amount of money to do absolutely nothing:

Sigh… I’ve said it before, and I know I will have to say it again, but when it comes to crafting their evil schemes, the GQP base really needs to stop relying on the same firm that designs such for Bond villains, to serve as the standard go-to for theirs, because the flaws within it are pathetically obvious.

To note: your “plan” centers on giving West, whom you dislike for not acting as your party’s personal Stepin Fetchit analog, several hundred-thousand dollars to perform for you alone, in a venue that once the stage lights go on, prevents him from seeing both you and your stupid-ass sign, and since most halls have rules against homemade signs to begin with, you’ll find yourself booted out, he’ll take the night off, [no audience, remember?] and in the end, he’ll still have all of your money.

Yup. That’s a plan so deceptively brilliant and simple, that even the great dreamer of schemes eternal, Machiavelli himself, couldn’t even possibly begin to understand how it would actually work in practice.

Spring’s lack of strategic planning aside, this slice of ”I like you, but only when you’re doing what you’re told”, is indicative of the cravenly chaos that at its core, is slowly tearing apart the GQP, if not its agenda.

Instead of policy, they laud putrid propaganda, instead of leadership, they offer fear-inducing soundbites, and when it comes to the strength of character, all they can present as candidates, are ethically-challenged wretches, whose morality is akin to Velveeta that’s been lounging inside a caldera.

As a political movement needing to go toe to toe with this predicament, you would think that the first steps taken by the GQP, would be to create an allegorical salve to the situation at hand, that would involve first clarifying their message of partisanship, along with aggressively engaging in improving the quality of both their candidates and the leadership already set in place, but you’d be wrong.

Rather than fix the sure to be fatal flaws inherent in their cause, the GQP has instead decided, to embrace them as core values, promoting them in a series of evermore disturbingly inhumane PR stunts. All if which, have been happily lapped up by Conservatives as if they were manna sent from the WASP Heaven that self-assuredly, they’ll all be granted entry to, without fear of consequence.

But until that finely rapturous day arrives, they’ll continue to passively-aggressively play the victim:

Poor Jimmy. He’s gone hos entire life without ever once being handed any of the magically mythical things that Conservatives perpetually claim that immigrants get for “:free”.

Now, as rational adults, we all knew that this ignorant as f**k diatribe, is just pure fantastical garbage, and little else, but for Spring, it’s a literal roadmap of his bigotry, privilege, and race-based paranoia, openly and proudly displayed, as if it were the Shroud of Turin.

Sharp-eyed readers will also note, that Spring holds his unwarranted contempt only for the immigrant class and the indigent, and not the 1% who to be fair, are one of the largest reasons why the tax burden on the average American is so goddamn ridiculous.

I won’t speak for you, but my ire is far more focused on the tax-dodging trio of Musk, Bezos, and Zuckerberg, far more than it is or will ever be, focused on Pedro from Venezuela.

However, I will give Spring some begrudging due credit for playing all the classic hits as it were. I mean there’s the standard ballad where the “others” are being handed everything under the sun on silver trays, then he gives us a quick change-up to the hard-rocking refrain wherein Spring, the ever noble worker does the work, while the lazy Cinnamon people sponge off the sweat of his Neanderthalic brow,

He then closes his set, with a tender plea for sympathy that he doesn’t deserve for slights that never happened, and as he does so, gives us all one last sardonic twist, asking for the ever desired “Victim Card”, which he’s obviously been playing for quite some time now.

From this and the previous postings I called attention to, I feel fairly comfortable calling Spring a POS racist, but as he’s a self-declared Christian, how does Spring’s alleged theological beliefs line up with his world view, given the edicts regarding travelers in the Bible?

(I’d say poorly, at best.)

For context, let me familiarize you with the passage of Jeremiah 7:5-7: “For if you truly amend your ways and your doings, if you truly act justly one with another, if you do not oppress the alien, the orphan, and the widow, or shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not go after other gods to your own hurt, then I will dwell with you in this place, in the land that I gave of old to your ancestors forever and ever.”

But Spring could care less about such celestial and supposedly unarguable proclamations, for as we’ve seen, he cherry-picks the Word, very much in the same way I do when faced with an unexpected bowl of Chex Party Mix.

In addition, Spring is also woefully uninformed of just what rights immigrants, legal or otherwise do have, the right to apply for asylum being one of them, as he views all non-Caucasians coming to “his” country as nothing less than opportunistic leeches;
As noted, I have yet to see Spring ever post a meme or any form of commentary regarding the demographic of the one-percent who’ve been bleeding American tax-payers dry for decades, but in his limited defense, Spring’s world view is so paranoidly small, I’d fear that any new information attempting to enter it, would crack both he and his psyche wide open, as if it were a dropped egg.   

But here’s the rub: despite proven and verified data that Spring’s racially paranoid fever-dream is just that, he also reserves equal contempt for the persons who do come here legally and find work in the literal fields that bigoted cucks such as Spring would never even take a passing glance at.

And yes, even with all of his slander invalidated, he still whines that he’s the real victim here, and not the problem, which as has already been proven regarding the majority of his claims, is pure unadulterated bullspit:

Jesus F Christ… I know he’s a cravenly bitch to begin with, but is it possible for Spring to stop mewling for even five minutes? Good god, I’ve babysat toddlers who throw less hissy-fits over nothing, and that’s their main form of communication. I do appreciate the irony that as Spring slurs those who speak two languages, he fails consistently to form a coherent thought using the one he grew up immersed in.

I can’t even imagine how Spring must act when he’s begrudgingly allowed to eat out, and discovers to his horror, that not only is the Kitchen staff mostly Latino, but bilingual, to boot. Spring’ bigotry however, is not an uncommon occurrence among the brain-dead masses that comprise the academic-hating base of the GQP, and as fear of the “other” Is literally their bread and butter, Spring’s idiocy is right on brand.

Irrespective of what is actually happening, whether it be abroad, or here at home, the GQP leadership has always needed a scapegoat for its defection circus, and over the decades, no other singular demographic has unwittingly served that purpose better than so-called “illegal” immigrants, whom Spring, in spite of being a self-declared Christian, willingly derides as being nothing less than freeloading leeches.

And just as all men cursed with indistinguishable character tend to do, they look for a solution to the imaginary issue that they themselves created out of their racist hatred for the “other’, and come up with resolutions so intolerable to the concept of what Humanity is supposed to be, that their true colors show through:

In case you were unaware, this meme references the fact that Ron DeSantis, the Governor of Florida, is using taxpayer money to transport undocumented aliens from TEXAS, shipping them off to so-called “Blue” states, without notifying said agencies of those states, that he’s going to do so.

It reminds me of that part in the Bible where Jesus says; “Taketh the hungry and the desperate, make sure to treat them as you would the common most of chattel, and when they find themselves delivered to their unexpected destination, blame those in opposition to your views as being the reason for their arrival and rejoice.”

I’m not sure where that particular passage is located, but I do believe it’s either in the Chronicles of Limbaugh, or maybe even possibly, the ever-so-inspiring Trials of Tucker.

To be clear, DeSantis is not engaging in what has been alleged to be human trafficking because he’s trying to protect Florida [the state he actually oversees] from an influx of the undocumented, he’s doing this as an abominable PR stunt to out-trump Trump, because as a dedicated disciple of the GQP’s inherent racism, he’s attempting to line himself up as the ideal candidate for becoming America’s next Fascist-in-Chief.

And as you’d expect, Spring, being both a faux Christian and an unquestionable racist, is totally fine with it, despite knowing deep down, that those who will put you on a plane for political advantage, will also be equally as comfortable in loading you into a boxcar, for the same.

And when it comes to this attitude, Spring as you’d surmise, is no maverick when faced with the tide of group think, but he does take it up a notch, by once again, amalgamating two entirely unrelated topics, and asserting that they’re not. In this case, Spring merges the issue of illegally trafficked immigrants to Martha’s Vineyard, with the power couple that he can’t abide, that being Michelle and Barack Obama, who just so happen to have a home in MV.

What do these two disparate topics have to do with each other, you may ask?

Not a goddamn thing actually, but as his measured point of debate posted here proves, and quite handily at that, the color of their skin has nothing to do with his dislike whatsoever, hence the reason why Barack’s visage is depicted here in the style of a flyer warning about a runaway slave:Yes… Barack Obama, former President of the United States, who hasn’t held a public office since 2016, is the “reason” why America’s cultural dynamic finds itself rent asunder in current 2022.

It has nothing to do with the lies, racism, misogyny, anti-LGBTQ hysteria, or the consistent wave of violent rhetoric from the Alt-Wrong, it’s all the fault of this uppity supposed member of the Deep State and Muslim Brotherhood who dared as a Black man, to sit in the WHITE House for eight years, as if he deserved to be there. And to be candid, I’m not sure if I’m more offended by the absurdity of Spring’s asinine theorem, or the amateurish quality of the posted sketch.

C’mon, my Alt-Wrong wackadoos- in the future, either bring your “A” for Aaryan game to the proverbial table, or just stay home clashing your white robe and hood collections, because this racist tripe right here, is just lazy-ass presentation, and quite honestly, I expect far better from someone who obsesses this much over their chosen colored boogeyman. But then again, maybe I should give credit to the fact that at least, Spring didn’t post something like this:

What a racist classic. All the tropes are equally represented here: Kool-Ade, fried chicken, and of course, watermelon, because if there’s one thing that the GQP does better than any other political party before or since, it’s the display of cultural sensitivity inherent within its minority outreach program.

But let’s not forget who’s really to blame for imagery like this- it’s the guy who is so annoyingly non-Caucasian, that we couldn’t help but notice, who’s to blame for what the Alt-Wrong is currently attempting to do to this country. And even worse, his wife is cut from the same cloth as he is; smart, cultured, responsible, but to Spring’s horror, it turned out that she was Black as well, and Spring knows just how to deal with that sort of impudence, by calling attention to something she has no creative connection to, or oversight of:As is typical when Spring spews his racial hatred thinly disguised as relevant social commentary, the story within, is typically not the one that he foists upon us at large. Concerning this non-story that Spring is obviously presenting as a slam against the popularity of what he considers to be “woke’ culture, the reality of is narrative, is far less reactionary.

What Spring is gleefully self-pleasuring himself to as we speak, is the cancellation of the anthology series “The First Lady.”  on the cable network known as Showtime. The first season of the anthology series cut between three different eras of the White House, following the political and private lives of Eleanor Roosevelt, Betty Ford, and Michelle Obama.

Overall, the series received a lukewarm response from critics, but it had less to do with the First Ladies represented (as Spring’s post implied) and far more to do with the show’s presentation of said historical figures, a nation expressed by TV critic Caroline Framke, who wrote that; “squeezing their stories together doesn’t just make for confusing television, but does them all a disservice in the process.”

To note, Michelle Obama has nothing to do with the series production, script writing, or even creative in out, past being a character advisor, and calling it “her” show, is akin to calling the character of Hawkeye in “Avengers: The Age of Ultron”, the “heart” of the super-hero team. It’s a nice thought, but it comes from out of nowhere, and makes absolutely no goddamn sense, much like most of Spring’s so-called cultural observations.

But mythical God love him, as no one else will, Spring won’t let the concrete entity of reality get in the way of a poorly crafted false narrative, especially when he can weaponize it to hypocritically slam those persons who are as a rule, his natural superiors at utilizing their capacity for emotional and intellectual understanding:

Other than the fact that as previously noted, the Obama’s maintain a residence in Martha’s Vineyard, the assertions made here are utterly and absurdly false. The couple has never once implied anything racist regarding the test flights to a future Dachau, nor have they said a single word inferring that said bigoted bussing was an unwelcome intrusion into their otherwise serene lives. But the ever-so-racist Spring needs a villain, and who better than the one that’s already serving as the Alt-Wrong’s go-to boogeyman?

When this homage to Kristallnacht started, the Alt-Wrong hierarchy and common faithful, was quick to come out in force to rally around DeSantis, (much to Trump’s disdain), and as is ever so predictable with this cabal of slack-brained jingoistic jackasses, an entire list of excuses and boasts were summarily presented to the massed asses, in order to increase their standing within the political sewage bubble that they so comfortably call home:

For the record, if you ever find yourself wondering whether you’re on the wrong side of both History and Humanity, check to see if Rafael “Ted” Cruz agrees with you, and if so, you’ll have your answer.  But as you move forward within the parameters of your life, now and in the future, never, ever, make the commitment to going full “Ted”. Just don’t do it.

However, when this gambit failed to take root, the GQP simply shifted tactics, and tried another far more odious tactic instead- this time around, they openly jeered that the people who were caught unaware by their inhumane political stunt, weren’t reacting the way they should, with compassion and grace. This opinion of course, hypocritically coming from the very same people who showed absolutely none when they decided to use their fellow human beings as political props:

I won’t speak for you of course, but don’t you just LOVE the unwarranted self-riotousness subtly intertwined within Spring’s multiple posted validations of both his character flaws, as well as his blatantly false adherence to Christian doctrine? Christ, it’s almost as if he thought we needed an accessible self-confession to prove what we already knew. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have the empirical evidence, but it’s not like we actually needed it.

Continuing on in that disingenuously unaware vein, Spring continues to mock the lack of public facilities readily available for the human cargo that his party so callously deposited in MV as if they were nothing more than jingoistic jetsam, deliberately overlooking the fact that shockingly, communities that cater to the ultra-wealthy and the famous, usually don’t have that type of infrastructure set in place, hence the reason why DeSantis and his cravenly cronies, chose it in the first place:

You know… to once again, “own” the Libs, regardless of the reality that they actually didn’t?

I could point out that Texas, where DeSantis so cruelly acquired his political pawns from, does have a number of said services specifically designed for that very singular purpose, but why use those, when there’s an opportunity to prove to the world entire, that you and your party, are the human equivalent of a case of AXE body spray?

But there’s a plot twist (or two) in regards to this story concerning an act of sheer political desperation and cold-heartedness made flesh, and the first kink in their plan is one that the Alt-Wrong truly never saw coming:

That’s right boys and girls, the ultra-rich, the incredibly famous, and the actual humans of MV, dropped whatever it was they were doing, and quickly rendered aid to the unforeseen new arrivals to their otherwise exclusive enclave, providing food, medical assistance, and yes, even lodging, along with sizeable donations of cash, despite Spring’s uninformed as usual, claims..

So please Jimmy Ray, tell me again just whose asses got owned outright? For as far as I can tell, my side seems to still have theirs, even after we so gleefully kicked yours into the gutter, where you and your repulsive ilk, justly belong. However, I did promise you a secondary plot twist, as I try to never renege on my promises unlike the majority of Conservatives, here it is:

Excuse me for one moment, if you please. [Artbitch closes laptop, takes deep breath…]
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!
[Artbitch composes self, opens laptop, starts typing again…]

Dear mythical God, can’t these jackasses do anything even half-right?

I mean… they’re the only group of people that I know of, who not only willingly shoots themselves in the metaphorical face every single time that they try to prove their dominance, they also seemingly, never learn anything beneficial from the experience of doing so. In essence, these maroons are the main reason why toothpaste and Preparation-H still carry usage instructions, because you just know at some point, these idiots confused the two, with the results you’d expect.

Generally, I don’t believe in Karma, as I think her quota is way behind the desired schedule of fulfillment, but I can only imagine what DeSantis and his conservative goons must have thought, when they heard the news that not only did their vile PR stunt hilariously backfire in the manner of a scheme as planned by Wile E. Coyote…

… but now, thanks to the clearly illegal act of trafficking human beings as if Amazon’s CEO was beta-testing a new division based in colonial-era Virginia, the very same people that were casually used as pawns by soulless political opportunists, may in fact, become full-fledged citizens of the United States, capable of voting out the selfsame jacklegs that due to their insidious intervention, caused this theoretical situation to be made an almost definitive certainty, much to the consternation of the Neocons:

[Neocon seen here, contemplating a future of multiple personal lawsuits, state criminal indictments, and the hopefully long list of prosecuted politicians, yet to come.]

In the end, the only resultant benefit from the GQP’s callous circle-jerk, is that as the most monstrous people on this f**ked-up planet hoping to verify that their political opponents were just as detestable as them when faced with a humane crisis, failed to do so in such a spectacular fashion, that not even their most ardent of their punditry puppets could sell it successfully across the board.

Save of course, for a few eternally racist dumbf**ks like Spring, who if he ever harbored an original thought in his otherwise empty head, would eventually see it wither and die, due to intellectual starvation. And if that isn’t the purest essence of Karma kicking in the front door, cracking skulls, taking names, and in general, just being a badass, boys and girls, I really don’t know what else is.

However, there is one last twist to this story of Spring Infernal, and it is a doozy. Despite his cravenly countenance representing as all things White-Winger, Spring himself, is actually of Native American heritage, which makes his unwarranted condemnation of both Latinos and African-Americans, that much more absurd, if not seriously hypocritical:

Look. I’d get it 100% percent if Spring took issue with Caucasians, as we are the reigning champions of on the road genocide, but to be so openly bigoted towards seasonal workers who do the jobs that White people abandoned quite some time ago, as well as the descendants of persons whose ancestors arrived here as forcibly delivered cargo?

That is a seriously f**ked up approach, no matter how you look at it.

But Spring, ever the unaware Janus of Jingoism, doesn’t see it that way, and he’s chosen to express his disingenuous disconnection from reality concerning cultural differences in quite possibly, the worst way a Neocon or any similarly defective human ever could; by weaponizing the literary bane that is poetry.

Really, certainly, actually, truly, categorically, bad poetry.

Think of it this way: if you’ve ever wondered, even for the merest of moments, what it would be like if Walt Whitman’s untalented 2nd cousin Chaz Whitman had a drunken three-way with Dr. Seuss and an atrabilious aardvark, then boy howdy, do I have the poet for you. And the easiest way to find him is at: Spring’s personal poetry website, known as okiepoet.com:

I felt it was only fair to give Spring’s so-called creative endeavors a plug, if only to thank him for all the inadvertent source material that he’s given mine. See? I know how to network, ye certain readers of little faith, and therefore, I think it would be nice to take a break from all of Spring’s well-documented personal awfulness, and enjoy some of his thankfully unknown creative awfulness instead.

No need to thank me. I do it for the love of the craft.
To start us off, let’s delve into this lone entry, taken from Spring’s “Patriotic” section.

“The Y-O-I Bunch”

Many years ago, I married a Yankee lass,
Never thought about the future didn’t care about her Yankee past.

Because the only thing on my mind, was this sweet and pretty one,
That attached herself to my side, and gave me so much fun.

The difference began to surface with some of the food she wanted me to eat,
I thought they smelled kind of funky, she thought it was such a treat.

Then, I had my food, I thought was oh so grand,
But at it she turned up her nose, and said that I can not stand.

 An Okie-Yankee mix is what our kids would have to be,
With Choctaw Indian thrown in to make part three.

They got the best of both, the best we had to give,
So Yankie-Okie-Indian, together we’ll have to live.

©JRS 6-15-99
…………………………………..

Dear mythical God, this reads as if a Hallmark card went on a three-day drunken bender with a Hobby Lobby Christian wall sampler, and found itself eventually abandoned within the back discount rack of a Dollar General store. Shocking that his creativity appears to be in line with his intellect, given the fact that his poetic output and cultural worldview, are both seemingly twenty years+ out of date, but let’s take a gander at a few more of his lyrical offerings, if only to assuage my cynicism.

Maybe this one from his “My Early Years” section, will give me some insight as to why Spring is the way he is:

“Not For Free” 

Late one summer on an August day,
My cousin came for a while to stay.

Walter was about twelve, my brother eleven,
I tagged along at about six or seven.

I didn’t know what plans they had,
Just the thought of adventure and I was glad.

We walked and walked down a lonely dirt road,
No signs of life, not even a horny toad.

Finally they stopped at a barbed wire fence,
As they explained the plan, it all made sense.

This one ol’ fence was just no match,
To keep us out of a watermelon patch.

Of course they neglected to tell little me,
The fruit of our labor was not really free!

Although, it didn’t take long to find this out,
As we heard a very loud and angry shout.

Then two big booms and I heard, “Shotgun!”
We dropped our loot and started to run.

We couldn’t get through the fence fast enough,
As those sharp ol’ barbs made it really rough.

No watermelons for all our pain,
But a lesson for sure we did attain.
©JRS 4-2-04
…………………………….

Somewhere, most likely in a faraway place where dogs run free, and homemade apple pies are to be found cooling on windowsills, the ghost of Norman Rockwell can be heard gagging in a corner, after reading this steaming pile of schmaltz so steeped in saccharine Americana, that by comparison, makes the Brady’s come off as if they were the Lannisters from Game of Thrones.

Now, if I were forced to craft a viable location to present the thankfully last poem I’m about to share with you, I’d place it inside the familiarity of a run-down and out of the way country bar, where the deepest of personal regrets and bad decisions meet, and I’d leave it at that. Seriously, if someone out there doesn’t set these words to a Hank Williamsesque dirge replete with a steel guitar, I’m going to be really disappointed.

“Lovin”

What do I do when the lovin’ ends?
When your heart is broken and the cryin’ begins?

Do you sit around moping thinking of the past,
Trying to figure out why his love didn’t last?

 Well, stop it girl, you’ve got to let go,
That he broke your heart, he must never know.

Put on a smile and wipe those tears,
Get out of the house and face your fears.

‘Cause there’s no sense whining and wearing a frown,
When love is happening and waiting to be found.

When you meet again, look him in the eye,
Smile really sweet and just say, “Hi!”

Tell him you’d like to chat but you really have to run,
Cause your life is overflowing with things you haven’t done.

Walk quickly away with a sway to your hips,
Let a happy smile caress your lips.

Glance over your shoulder with a twinkle in your eye.
Say, “So long, it’s my turn to say GOODBYE!”
©JRS 11-14-07
…………………………….

So, when it comes to the assessment of Spring’s creative trove of treacly offerings as well as his political opinions, I can only offer this sage observation by the lauded scientist, physicist, and medical doctor with seven Ph.D.’s, Dr. Bruce Banner, who at times, moonlights as the Incredible Hulk:

Now, there is a reason why I decided to cap this screed off with Spring’s excruciatingly awkward poetry, set up against the disconnection from actual reality that he so openly displays, and it is based solely on his abhorrent political views, his allegedly disingenuous faith, and how he views the world entire,

Spring may come off as nothing more than a walking punchline to a joke that nobody finds funny, or even perhaps, as a vile caricature of what modern-day conservatism has become, but that would be an inaccurate, if not arrogant, generalization at best.

In my opinion, humble as it may be, Spring is a simple symptom of a far larger and considerably more virulent social disease, that being sheer willful ignorance, stuffed with religious hypocrisy, seasoned with racism, garnished with anti-LGBTQ sentiment, and served ice-cold, with a side dish of misogyny, unwarranted paranoia, and abject fear of the New and the Other.

The certainty of life is that nobody is a walking cartoon, even if like Spring, their inanely inhumane ideology gives the general impression that they’re at the very least, an ambulatory collection of bumper sticker catchphrases come to life. As the old joke goes; “Hitler was nice to his dogs… right up to the point where he shot one, and then poisoned the other.”

This is not to say that Spring would ever harm a dog, much less himself or for that matter, another person, but I for one, wouldn’t want this hatefully dimwitted demagogue anywhere near my wonderfully diverse community, given his bigotry, his hypocrisy, and his overall inability to accept those that dare to be so proudly and openly different than he.

In essence Spring is a relic. A throwback to an era thankfully passed, and fading into unpleasant sepia-toned memory. A disreputable dinosaur. A spiteful flag-bearer of a cruel ideology, that no longer has a seat at the metaphorical table. Not that it ever deserved one to begin with.

If anything, James Ray Spring should serve as a cautionary tale to us all, concerning just what can happen when one allows themselves to be indoctrinated into a cult of personality founded on fear, hate, gullibility, and unfettered suspicion of the world at large. And while I feel that Spring is unsalvageable, there are others out there just like him, who just might be able to make the trip back to that which is real.

Spring at one point, could have caught that allegorical bus as well, but he was too busy throwing his humanity and so-called allegiance to his faith underneath it, to notice it was departing.

 

“It may well be that we will have to repent in this generation. Not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people who sit around and say, “Wait on time.”- Martin Luther King Jr.,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Dope Springs Infernal, Part 1. (The Trumpists that Blow.)

“Wayne Michael Reich; I feel fine because I know I’m going to be Raptured and you’re going to burn for Eternity and no amount of denial on your part can change it.” – James Spring, self-declared Oklahoma-based Christian, showcasing the duplicity of his Faith, as no one else can.

 Greetings, Bitchiteers!
Whatever shall we talk about today?

Well, over the last few screeds, I’ve discussed the inanity of politically-based conspiracy theories, examined the illogicality of the pro-Trump movement intertwined within the same, and with my usual thoughtful discretion, dismembered this bumper-sticker ideology, that as a rule, has been distilled through a filter rife with quasi-Evangelical hypocrisy.

As I will come to highlight, using examples set forth by cafeteria Christians, such as the above quoted James Spring and others to be mentioned, the rabbit holes of inane illogicity run far deeper than most realize, and sadly, they have not only consumed the intellect of a number of unfortunate and gullible dullards, but as Spring’s words will demonstrate in time, they’ve consumed their humanity as well.    

And despite the incontrovertible evidence that underpins this assessment of mine, these same purveyors of a puerile faith still maintain that by any measure, their abominableness towards their fellow humans, is wholly approved by the one true God- you know, the deity whose teachings they don’t follow, the writer of the words they do not correctly interpret, and the originator of the lessons that they do not learn from, even at the expense of their own comfort?

This in turn, has led to Spring and his like-minded cultist brethren, most of whom are suffering from a severe case of mango-man-crush, to attempt to validate the inherent ridiculousness of their obviously manufactured celestial deity, by deliberately overlooking those qualities of his, which at best, define him as nothing less than a mercurial sociopath.

Now, while this acerbic assessment of mine could be equally applied to both God, and his GQP anointed successor Donald Trump, I’ll just leave that up to you, my loyal readers, to eventually ascertain which is which, for yourselves.

As expected, such mental moribundity isn’t propelled by the actions of a singular individual, even if like Trumpism, it is the definitive characterization of a Personality Cult. No self-styled supreme leader operates within a total vacuum, as we well know, and regardless of the mango man-child’s overblown Ego, if he didn’t have his slavishly disturbed cheerleaders hyping his name 24/7. he wouldn’t have squat.

But unlike the aesthetically pleasing cheer-leading squad of our high school days, and the out of our league ones usually associated with professional sport teams, these particular hopping heralds of hypocrisy, are no better than the dancers working the lunch shift at that strip club located just outside of town.

You know, the kind of place that’s so skeevy, that if you accidentally dropped your car keys, you’d debate just how much you really needed them, if only to avoid making direct contact with the floor?

And therein, lies the underpinning for today’s literary exploration of America’s continuing investment into playgrounds for the sociopathic. It was once the norm, that if you ever had the misfortune to run into your stereotypical and dimwitted demagogue, you had the options of either walking away, or just willfully tuning them out as you enjoyed your bar-style nachos. But sadly, such is not the case any longer, nor has it been, for quite some time now.

To be fair, it would be relatively easy for myself to paint the fans of Trump, who’s currently representing America as our favorite go-to Fanta-tinted Fascist, as nothing more than an inbred cabal of cravenly, toothless, hateful howler monkeys, but this is most certainly not the case, and quite honestly, it’s also a lazy comparison to make, as well.

After all, even the densest of monkeys knows how to act when they’re around other monkeys outside of their barrel, and I see no need to unwarrantedly slur such fine creatures, by placing them in the same ideological realm as the abominably ignorant ones that constitute the cultural scourge that is Trumpism. To quote the old maxim; “Although it is true that not all Conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative.”

Now, I understand that as a self-described Liberal, such an utterance could (and should) be regarded with a grain of salt, if not a pound, but I’m also fairly confident that not only could I easily prove my theorem with minimal effort, I could do so, using only the evidentiary proof that Conservatives hand out ever so graciously, as if it were tax breaks to the 1%. Or to be more accurate, the rationalizations they concoct to validate the necessity for Trump’s myriad assemblage of crimes, if not his well-documented unethical behavior.

Sigh. Sady, I’m aware that there’s at least one of my conservative fan-stalkers, sitting there all alone in his mom’s garage with only his cellphone and a microwaved Hot Pocket for company, bleating angrily; “What “Crimes” or “Ethical Lapses”, Artbitch?” so here’s the list, both proven, and alleged. Let’s start with lawsuits alleging Constitutional violations during his distractors term as President:

Cases involving the First Amendment: Knight First Amendment Institute v. Trump, CNN v. Trump, WeChat Users Alliance v. Trump, Cases involving the Fifth Amendment: Department of Homeland Security v. Regents of the University of California, as well as New York v. Trump and Vidal v. Nielsen. Case involving an alleged violation of the Fourteenth Amendment: Stone v. Trump. Cases alleged violations of the Foreign Emoluments Clause: CREW v. Trump, D.C. and Maryland v. Trump, Blumenthal v. Trump.

Then there are the lawsuits concerning his executive orders, presidential proclamations and memorandums: City and County of San Francisco v. Trump, City of Chelsea v. Trump, Aziz v. Trump Darweesh v. Trump, Doe v. Trump, Louhghalam v. Trump, Mohammed v. United States, Sarsour v. Trump, Washington v. Trump, Hawaii v. Trump, International Refugee Assistance Project v. Trump, Bhattarai v. Nielsen, Ramos v. Nielsen, East Bay Sanctuary Covenant v. Trump, TikTok v. Trump, Jane Doe v. Trump, Stone v. Trump, Karnoski v. Trump, and ending with, Stockman v. Trump.

And now, let’s address his lawsuits centering around his legal violations, as there’s the matter of his Grand Jury Subpoena regarding the Mueller Investigation, allegations of violating the Presidential Records Act of 1978, and the addition of CREW and National Security Archive v. Trump and EOP,

Not to mention, there’s also the alleged violations of the Federal Advisory Committee Act, leading to the cases’ ACLU v. Trump and Pence, Joyner v. Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity, NAACP v. Trump, to name just a few.

Disturbingly, this isn’t even anywhere near to being a complete list, as at the time of this writing, Trump is facing scores of legal challenges, targeting his business dealings, his finances, his taxes, his charity entanglements, and last, but certainly not least, the hubris-fueled misdeeds of his contemptible presidency, the J6 Insurrection attempt, and his alleged stealing (and possible sale) of classified documents, being at the top of this particular pile of pustulant transgression.

And keep in mind, that this list also omits the numerous alleged claims of slander and defamation, the fraudulent business practices that led to multiple bankruptcies and trump University, as well as the also numerous sexual assault cases that he’s been either keeping at arm’s length for several years, or settling out of court, using hush payments and air-tight NDA’s to keep them off the public’s radar, not that such as we’ve seen, matters to his Goosestep Wives fan club, to begin with.

And just how collectively far gone are these cultists, you query? Well, given all that I just noted, and taking into account what has been streaming non-stop via electronic media, I’d say this posting by one John Venturino Sr, of Scottsbluff, Nebraska, definitely sets the tone for what I’m about to discuss:

You heard it here first, boys and girls, unless of course, you’ve previously heard it repeated ad nauseam on OAN, Breitbart, FOX, and obviously by whatever serves as the screaming voices in Venturino’s otherwise empty head. January Sixth, which saw the Capitol overrun by insurrectionists attempting to overthrow democracy by attempting to stop the verifying of a valid election, was a “peaceful” protest.

All that stuff you saw on TV or Social Media live-stream, where people were attacking cops, chanting “Hang Mike Pence!”, and carrying the flags of Trump and the defeated Confederate states down the hallways of the UNITED STATES CAPITOL, was just window dressing set in motion by the agents of Antifa, BLM, or a legion of space aliens, who were clearly operating under the orders of the Deep State Illuminati, or even perhaps, a far more terrifying, and as yet undiscussed, cabal:

All of these BTW, are strong contenders for the title of the “Real Villains”, according to right-wing wackadoos like Venturino, but as its been a really busy week for me, I have truly no idea who the current crowd favorite is, although for my money, I really do hope it’s the Pentaverate, because as far as secret societies go, you just know that the one run by Canadians, would be by far, one of the nicest to hang out with.

But ol’ Johnny here, isn’t quite done just yet, showcasing his lack of grasp on reality, if not the intrigue of national politics, no siree Bob- he’s got quite the absence of hold as well, when it comes to just how he thinks that the finale of Trump’s Mar-a-Lago telenovela will play out:

A small detail I would like to call attention to here, if I may. If my initial background research into Venturino is correct, he’s currently 62 years old. Now, while I at 53 am no spring chicken myself, I hardly think that anyone under the age of 45, would see either one of us as a credible threat to their personal safety, and that’s with the full understanding of whether we were armed to the teeth, or not.

But mythical God love him, since no one of working intelligence will, Venturino will not allow himself to be dissuaded from this Right-Wing Red Dawn scenario that he’s crafted within his limited acumen, and as you might have expected, it all started with an enemy so dangerous to his sense of faux patriotism, he felt compelled to stand up and say “Not on my watch, you enemy domestic!”

So, you ask, whom is this most dangerous adversary that Venturino seems more than willing to put on camo and strap on ammo, to go up against? Well, probably not whom you expected:

Is it just me, and feel free to tell me if it is, but does it seem like the choices for Republican “enemies”, is getting less impressive as Time marches forward? I mean… they started off with the Anti-fascist and BLM, movements, and now, have found themselves reduced to complaining about cartoons (more on that in a bit) and sexagenarians with lung cancer.

Damn. How the mighty on their high horses, have fallen. And yet, we’re supposed to believe in their fever-dream that these mental midgets are going to “take back”: America, when they can’t even take a tasteless joke to start with?

As I noted, my newest BFF wrapped snugly in his ideologically delusional camo, truly feels an armed skirmish for America’s soul is on the way, which in and of itself, is kind of ironic, considering that he willingly sold his, to a mango-tinted Antichrist, quite some time ago. And I might add that he did so, for no profit whatsoever.

But that’s the way you can truly own the Libs, boys and girls, by sacrificing your principles for a red hat made in China, and the mercurial approval of the World’s Angriest Creamsicle. But this festering rot within Venturino’s character aside, he does possess the insight of just how this supposed Civil War, undertaken to protect the fascist whims of a mango Mussolini, will kick off, and just who will start it

My unfortunate misspelling of the word “people” aside, my retort highlights that while its been quite some time since I’ve owned a gun, or a number of guns for that matter, at no point do I ever recall the ammunition for said armaments, becoming independently sentient and taking the initiative to secure my overall safety.

And when it gets right down to the brass tacks of Venturino’s concept, I honestly do hope that nobody’s actually working diligently on developing that kind of technology either, because:

But Venturino, sad to say, isn’t alone in his cultish adherence to the thought of an impending Civil War between actual Americans, and the cravenly cesspool of failed Humanity that he and so many others of his paranoiac ilk represent, for just as a shark’s mouth has rows of replacement teeth ready to exchange themselves for those that have fallen or been knocked out, the Alt-Right has its own disposable assets as well.

And with that lead-in, let me introduce you now, to one Lance Klafeta, who is in tandem, a staunch conservative, a proud MAGAt, of Germanic descent, and at first glance, is seemingly, nuttier than a batch of my Oma’s classic Nussgebäck:

Klafeta, a resident of Albuquerque, NM, also just so happens to be, the President of the Edelweiss am Rio Grande German-American Club, also based in the same, and whose publicly stated objectives are [my paraphrasing] as follows; the promotion and maintenance of, (but not limited to) traditional German-American customs and events, to help its members to generate and maintain fellowship through group activities and Gemuetlicheit, which for the uninitiated, is “a state or feeling of warmth, friendliness, and good cheer”.

However, when you remember that you just read a social media post wherein Klafeta just called for the wholesale slaughter of legislators, his lauding of such, seems a tad bit disingenuous, to my ears, or if I want to stay on brand with my Teutonic theme, it’s “unaufrichtig”, at best.

The other announced goals of Klafeta’s Boys from Brazil support group include; “the advancement of good German-American relations, to form associations with other like-minded organizations, the encouragement of youth activities, and the sustaining of a clean and dignified atmosphere in all club activities.”

Now, I don’t want to sound alarmist, but I think we all remember what happened the last time a bunch of community-orientated Germans with similar ideas, all got together over a plate of Bratwurst and flagons of beer to discuss what could be accomplished with just the right amount of creative publicity, but I’ll digress for now, if only to flesh out my narrative regarding Klafeta’s political leanings, which to be fair, can be somewhat troubling:  

Yes, you did read that right- Donald J. Trump, serial adulterer, Sunday golfer, con-man, cravenly liar, alleged traitor, admitted predator of women, wisher of well upon pedophiles, whore-monger, and the guy who once autographed Bibles for Alabamans tornado survivors without the merest trace of self-referential irony, is “fighting” a Satanic global cabal, as the chosen Champion of Christ.

I know that God is rumored to work in “mysterious ways”, as evidenced by Ecclesiastes 11:5, which says;  “As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all”, but does that also imply, that he likes to also work in ways that are nothing less than retarded as well, too?

Because if so, anointing Trump to serve as your victor is an act of self-hating administrative creativity on par with whomever invented Shoe Umbrellas, as well as the corporate machination that is Mc Donald’s, green-lighting the development of the Frork.

And yes, not only should you Google both of those products when you get the chance, you need to do the same with the awesomeness that is the art of Chindōgu that obviously inspired all three of these unfortunate impositions upon the world. Just trust me on this, and I can assure you, that you will not be disappointed.

My flippancy notwithstanding, I, as a proud first-generation son of Germany, would normally be on board with my fellow Landsmann (as it were) in defending our new Vaterland, if not for the fact that our approach to doing so, differs somewhat. For instance, I believe in the democratic process, underpinned and fortified by both voting and legislative action, but my fellow Kraut in Arms, Klafeta here, has a slightly different take in regards to how America should handle its personal business:

Far be it from me to tell Klafeta how to go about his day, but I would suggest that if your culture has quite the bad reputation in relation to their previous attempts at cornering the market on enforced sleepaway camp franchises, the referencing of such, might just be considered a tad bit ill-advised by your promotional division.

Just saying. And as to the normally vile comment I scribed concerning Klafeta’s weight? Well, I can only offer the following justification, in my otherwise limited defense: 

This. Just this. With no due respect, am I supposed to believe without reservation, that this waddling pile of wackadoo Weißwürste, is a vital component within the Vanilla Vanguard of Militia-ocrity that’s intent on reclaiming America back from the dual ravaging scourges that are Logic and Humanity?

While I have no definitive knowledge of Klafeta’s abilities in regards to his interpersonal combat skillset, I’m also fairly confident, that the only way this land-based Orca could fatally injure someone, is if he accidentally tripped over his own two fat feet, and landed on them. 

If I ever found myself in a face to multiple chins confrontation with this Fettarsch, I’d be secure in the knowledge that all I need do to defeat him, would be to either climb a set of stairs, ask him to read the first page of a science book, or in a finishing move, throw a Family-sized salad at him. And I say this, as someone who is unabashedly, a HUGE fan of his selfie.

Just look at it. If you saw this jolliest of Bavarian bouncing balls coming towards you at Oktoberfest, not only would you take his recommendations for the best Vanillekipferln tent at face value, you’d happily don lederhosen, and join him on stage to dance the Schuhplattler, as well. Don’t lie. We all know you would, because so would we.

However, having the foreknowledge that our contrarian Aryan here, is seemingly excited by the notion of reopening the exit-less day spas of his heritage for enemies real and supposed, does tend to put quite the chill on that overall good vibe somewhat, does it not? But as it is with most of these lard-balls of lunacy, their inherent and ignorant destructiveness, goes far beyond just fantasies of violent ideological validation- there’s also the fantastical absurdity of how their New World Disorder should be administrated:

Before you start sniping, I do realize that this is a joke. Granted, its not a clever, intelligent, or even funny joke, but it does qualify as a joke nonetheless, despite its manufacture by a waddling cautionary tale regarding the ill-advised birthing of a land-whale that’s ostensibly into fascist cosplay. But for now, let’s set all of that to the side, so we can look at Sigmund Sauerkraut’s disturbingly vapid take on modern-day politics.

Obviously, Klafeta’s choice for President of Dunderworld, is going to be the currently disgraced boiled ham wearing a wig, Donald J. Trump, but who are the rest of the people in his nattering neighborhood, exactly?

To start, Marjorie Taylor Greene, is an American [in designation only] politician who has served as Georgia’s14th congressional district representative since 2021, and who also, just so happens to be a full-blown conspiracy theorist as well, espousing a wide range of maniacally insane conjectures, ranging from Jewish Space Lasers being utilized to start forest fires in America, to the infamous QAnon-inspired abomination, known as “Frazzledrip” , which started circulating among these insipids around May of 2018.

The conspiracy inanely proposes that Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin a former Clinton aide, were willingly videotaped participating in a Satanic blood sacrifice ritual, wherein the duo sexually assaulted a bound child, before surgically removing said child’s face, so that it could be worn as a mask. However, in a final plot twist, this insane as f**k Saw homage, goes one further, and alleges that Clinton then ordered that the police officer who found the footage, was to be assassinated, in order to keep the whole thing under metaphorical wraps.

Apparently, while Clinton’s hit squad did get the job done, her marketing team on the other hand, obviously dropped the ball, especially if the intellectually slack-hole that is MTG, was able to put two and two together without the help of her supervisory care aide. But ironically, since MTG did once call for current speaker Nancy Pelosi to be executed for imaginary “Treason”, I can see why Dieter the Dough-boy here, gave her the hypothetical job.

After all, slaying someone who is in your way of getting to the top, is a time-honored German tradition, I just always assumed it would be done by someone who didn’t have such a consistently strong track record of shooting themselves in the face.

Klafeta’s next dream pick for his fantasy fraudball league, is one Rand Paul, who is at this time, the junior U.S. senator from Kentucky. In office since 2011, Paul is the end result of what happens when the nefariously concocted plan of two first cousins’ intent on thwarting their family tree from ever having branches, is allowed to play out to its unnatural conclusion.

As you’ve come to expect, Paul is as ethically challenged as any other current GQP member, having been involved in an insider trading scandal involving his wife in 2021, the details of which, he did not disclose until close to a year and a half after the deadline to do so, had passed.

Paul is also infamous for his cavalier attitude during the initial stages of the COVID-19 crisis, where despite the obvious danger to others, and while he was still awaiting his later positive test results, he still attended group lunches with his contemporaries, used the Congressional-access elevators within the Capitol, held conferences in close contact with the Press, and continued to work out in the puzzlingly still-open Senate gym.

Add in his transparently staged showboating for the camera interactions with Dr. Anthony Fauci, the lauded physician-scientist and immunologist serving as the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, as well as being the Chief Medical Advisor to the President, and it’s fairly obvious where this odious ophthalmologist turned dimwitted demagogue, has placed his so-called priorities.

And did I mention that his former 2010 campaign manager, Jesse Benton, was once indicted in 2016 on multiple counts, including conspiracy to solicit and cause an illegal campaign contribution by a foreign national? Nope, you say?

Well, don’t worry your pretty little heads about it, as Trump pardoned him in December of 2020, and I’m 100% confident that Paul’s slavish deference to Trump, such as calling for the repeal of the Espionage Act, which could be used to prosecute Trump if he’s found guilty, wasn’t his way of paying him back, for doing so.

Sure, maybe he’s never made a big show of his opposition to it, despite voting against the measure that Trump signed into law in 2018, increasing penalties for absconding with classified material from a maximum of one year to five years, but that doesn’t mean anything, right? He probably just woke up one morning, just a few coincidental days after the Mar-a Lago raid, and thought to himself, as we all most certainly must have done at some point; “Gee, I think it’s really unfair to hold an ex-President accountable for committing an act of alleged Espionage”.

In fact, Paul, who as just noted, has never once shown any defined antagonism toward this vitally necessary law for the protection of our country’s most sensitive state secrets, found the situation at hand so infuriating, that he couldn’t stop himself from tweeting about it:Damn. That’s a strong (albeit hypocritical) stance, considering that I don’t recall seeing, hearing, or reading one dissenting opinion out of this sniveling grandstanding weasel’s camp, regarding the (according to his own words) “abuse” of this law to prosecute and eventually convict such persons as Thomas Drake, a former NSA official, who was prosecuted for interacting with a journalist for the Baltimore Sun, concerning the NSA’s Trailblazer project, an inland surveillance program.

I’m pretty sure that Shamai Leibowitz, who was an FBI translator at the time of his legal troubles, and who was penalized with 20 months in prison for sharing FBI wiretap intel with a blogger, would have appreciated Paul’s opinion regarding the EA, if only he had volunteered it, when appropriate. And let’s not overlook. Former CIA officer John Kiriakou, indicted for giving a reporter classified intel regarding not only the identity of a covert agent, but whom also revealed to the world entire, the CIA’s abominably inhuman use of waterboarding as a tool of interrogation.

Where was Paul and his faux outrage then?

And while his father Ron Paul, (a former U.S. rep for Texas) did express admiration for the actions of Bradley (now Chelsea) Manning, an Army private who provided a quarter-million classified documents to purported whistleblower website WikiLeaks, Rand himself, had a far different opinion, saying at a Caro University event in 2013, that:

“There do have to be laws to protect some secrets. I think if you’ve got the, you know, the plans on how to make a nuclear bomb that is a state secret. If you give that to the enemy, that is being treasonous. Even if you reveal it, you just have to have laws against that. What Manning did was just willy-nilly, just released millions of pages of things and I think some people have said there is potentially some harm from that. You know individual agents that could have been killed or put at risk from this. So there is a problem with that. So I just can’t support that.”

This past commentary however, is somewhat removed from what he alluded to, when asked about his current public stance regarding the EA, fresh on the heels of the M-A-L raid conducted by the FBI, which caught Trump small orange-handed, in illegal possession of classified documents. Transparently avoiding the albatross that is Trump’s act of alleged arrogant espionage, all Paul had to say was the following

“We have had people who have been whistleblowers- probably the most well-known whistleblower we’ve had is Edward Snowden.… He showed people that the American government was breaking the law, that they were retrieving all of our information. And so, for a long time, I thought the Espionage Act is something that could be used to stifle dissent and freedom of speech.”

As you may have surmised however, the issue with Trump’s illegal possession of classified documents, has nothing to do with the thorn-laden issue of Free Speech, and everything to do with the far easier to diagnose reality of alleged treason, so Paul’s reticence to answer the question directly, is both understandable, if not openly telling.

After all, what kind of cravenly lackey outside of the literary character known as Renfield, would willingly admit to being so? Paul is just another toady doing what he’s told, in exchange for the hope that one day, Trump will say nice things about him to Sean Hannity, and that’s it.

However, in relation to my dissection of our bloviating Bratwurst’s list of alleged luminaries, his next candidate, the former Marine Lt. Col. Stuart Scheller Jr., is a bit of a puzzler. For starters, Scheller’s only a “former” Marine, due to his very public act of calling for accountability from leadership, both military and political, as well as current and past, concerning conduct related to the pointless war in Afghanistan

Talking about his reservations, Scheller Jr, noted it as thus: “The reason so many people are upset on social media right now is not because the Marine on the battlefield let someone down, people are upset because their senior leaders let them down, and none of them are raising their hands and accepting accountability or saying, ‘We messed this up.’”

For taking this bold and dare I say, accurate stance, Scheller Jr. was jailed as a “flight risk”, an assessment he vehemently denies, and eventually court-martialed, receiving a general discharge under honorable conditions, the lowest allowed under the conditions of his plea deal, which in my opinion, was more to soothe the politically bruised egos of those in charge, rather than for any form of misconduct on Scheller Jr’s part.

So, with this one, no jokes no sarcasm. Instead, I will say thank you for your service and dedication to duty, sir. I’m just not sure how you got on the list, having a sense of personal integrity and all. My guess, is that Dieter the Bavarian dipstick here, misinterpreted your actions, and felt he should laud you for the wrong reason.

Semper Fi. Oorah.

But now, we come to the cherry-picked Candyass on top of Klafeta’s undercooked Gugelhupf, and it is a doozy, as you have already read: Kyle Rittenhouse, the acquitted murderer and wannabe militiaman, to serve as the Secretary of Defense.

Yes, it’s an obvious joke on Klafeta’s part, but it also isn’t. Kyle, ever so wittily monikered as “Kyle Cleaninghouse”, by the sociopaths that comprise the modern-day GQP, is best known for taking an AR-15 he should not have possessed, going to a city he had no connection to, and claiming that he was only there to provide “protection from rioters”, even though he had no training or legal authority to do so, as he was only 17 at the time.

What this overgrown man-child did accomplish however, was the cold-blooded murder of two protestors, and heinously blowing the arm off a third, before attempting to leave the scene of carnage that he had fomented, as if he had just finished a Happy Meal, and needed to get home and play with the toy he had just been gifted with.

And while he cried crocodile tears like a bitch on the stand during his sham of a trial…

… he had previously and quite openly, displayed a far less remorseful and somber attitude as he was galivanting about his hometown in public, after being unconscionably allowed the privilege of walking around on bail, seemingly without a care in the world:

Yup. That’s Klafeta’s favorite little murderer for the Alt-Wrong, posing for selfies, wearing a T-shirt that says “Free as Fuck”, and acting as if he had just won the state football championship single-handedly, which to his fellow sociopathic loser fan club, he just kind of had. See, for all their talk of “Law and Order”, today’s Conservative movement sees the equitable application of such, as wildly inconvenient for their agenda.

Case in point:

Yes indeed, no better way to showcase your infinite respect for law and order, than by attacking cops wholesale, pillaging a government institution engaged in certifying a valid election, threatening the people who work inside it with grave physical harm or even Death, and doing so, not based on some legitimate claim of political corruption, but because your mango man-crush, didn’t want to leave the position that he proved himself unworthy of holding, since his first day in office.

Now, while the sane still walking among us correctly call this an obvious attempted coup, the Alt-Wrong instead, chooses to refer to it as no more than a “peaceful protest”, and blames the resultant violence of their deliberate actions, on imaginary enemies, as a deflection from obsessively documented Realty.

Whether they wish to admit it or not, the GQP has become a Death-cult of the highest order, and regardless of the topic at hand being discussed, albeit immigration or abortion, their metaphorical streets are always stained crimson with the blood of their self-invented foes. Of which, there are seemingly many, according to the endless litanies put forth by these paranoid Mayonnaise Milkshakes.

So, Kyle here, is a natural fit for a dimwitted demographic that thinks it can overthrow the government using memes, the power of red Chinese-made hats, and a supply of dollar-store zip-ties.

I won’t speak for you of course, but if I were afraid of everyone and everything that I couldn’t condescend to understand, I doubt strongly that I’d be putting myself out there as a revolutionary for the working class, especially if my political support was placed squarely in the camp that goes out of its way to inflict the moist painful damage upon it.

Where there was once the chance of Centrism existing within the Conservative cabal, those days and that hope, are long gone, as Extremism rules the day, and the only way to succeed as a Republican candidate, is to embrace this demonic ideology with open arms, if not a corrupted soul.

Keep in mind, if you would, these jackasses are the very same people that think sending the undocumented to liberal cities, is somehow “owning the Libs”, when all it actually does, is once again prove that these Fascist f**kheads, are always on the wrong side of both history and humanity.

Oh no, Trumpers, you helped inadvertently, reaffirm that across the board, and on almost every level, that we’re far better people than you. I have no idea how we’ll ever overcome carrying the weight of a good and noble reputation based on personal decency and transparent morality.

But then again, as they did imbue a mentally-deranged future headline with influence both undeserved and untenable, maybe watching them implode as it dawns on them that they’ll never be more than a walking punchline to the intellectuals who will still rule over them, is something we should just sit back and enjoy in the end.

Because mythical Lord knows, if they put stock in the delusion that Kyle is going to be their Great White Hope, it’s going to be a far worse letdown than when they placed all their faith in a bigoted Oompa-Loompa, who unfortunately for their cause, turned out to be rabid as well.

As for Klafeta’s last asinine offering, that being “no one” should be the Secretary of Education, I can’t say that I’m all too surprised, as the current one, Dr. Miguel Cardona, is exactly the type of person Conservatives loathe: college educated, (natch) community orientated, highly respected, and (GASP!) Puerto Rican in heritage.

A former teacher, principal, and district administrator from Connecticut, Cardoza is regarded by his former colleagues for his adeptness at solving problems, rather than creating them, as his successor, the truly reviled Betsy DeVos, was apt to do. Given all that, it’s easy to see why a fan of Fascist cosplay, such as Klafeta seems to be, would want that particular position to remain unstaffed.

Multiple scientific studies have shown that when it comes to the level of one’s personal education, the more learned that you are, the higher the odds that you’re going to lean politically Liberal, and that’s what the majority of  the GQP leadership truly fears at the end of the day: smart people turning into well-informed voters with critical thinking skills.

Think about it. Imagine proudly being in a party that wants to ban the teaching of your own culture’s history, because it’s so terrible in its scope of monstrosity, that any attempted defense of it, would seem far worse. Not to mention, what political movement in this country is behind the majority of measures restricting the rights of its fellow citizens, so as long as they’re not straight White Christian men?

It sure as f**k, isn’t the one that wants to forgive $10K in student debt, and when compared to the one that instead, drafted a law (Texas SB-8) that allows private citizens to file a civil lawsuit against anyone who knowingly “aids or abets” an abortion, for the possibility of being awarded the same amount in supposed “damages”, the question of just who the good guys really are, truly isn’t that hard to figure out.

Add to that vehemently unconstitutional pile of Puritanism, the reality that Conservatives still go out of their way to ban and burn books in an age where such can be instantaneously downloaded to your phone, just goes to strengthen my inherent belief, that these totalitarian twats have absolutely no goddamn idea what f**king century they’re currently living in.

All jokes aside though, I do feel bad for Klafeta, somewhat. The melancholy he must feel being born far too late for an era when Brownshirts were all the fascism… oops, I meant to say “fashion”, but you get the idea. Regardless of my Freudian slip, it still must be one heck of a mental weight for him to carry, balanced against the physical mass he’s already dealing with

Nevertheless, I am curious what Klafeta might actually wear to a Trump rally, and whether or not he’d be able to find his chosen outfit in the “morbidly obsess stereotype” size so popular with that ilk. But I also have to ask if you might be thinking like I do, if he has no choice but to buy the basic tent kit, and do all the necessary alterations himself. A question for another time, methinks.

Now, I am aware that I’ve made more than a few none too subtle references to latent Nazism, seemingly based on nothing more Klafeta’s heritage, and intolerantly dense commentary, but as I tend to be a stickler for backing up my sarcasm, let me now explain just why I’ve done so.

And as the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words:

On the surface, this seems like a fairly innocuous picture, right? Just a jovially fat German guy, at some sort of formal-dress event, openly wearing, as his friend noted, a “Knight’s Cross with Oak Leaves”.

So, what, you say? Well, here’s what. For the record, a Knight’s Cross of the Iron Cross, or as it’s known in the German vernacular, a “Ritterkreuz des Eisernen Kreuzesand”, represents the highest awards given in the military and paramilitary forces that served Germany during the second World War… when it was governed by NAZIs. You know, the bad guys from “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, and the go-to comic relief in almost every Mel Brooks comedy ever made?

Some background context: the last official presentation of the Knight’s Cross with its characteristic swastika placed within its center, was decreed to take place no later than 23:01 (11:01PM) Central European Time, on May 8th, 1945, due to Germany’s surrender to the Allied forces, although there was an instance of one being awarded as late as June 17th, 1945.

In 1957, a replacement Knight’s Cross of the Iron Cross, with an oak leaf cluster in lieu of the swastika, was solely designated for World War II KCIC recipients, after being greenlit by the Bundesrepublik Deutschland, and which is, I’m assuming, the variant that Klafeta is wearing, most likely in honorarium of a family member who is now deceased, or fell in service during the war.

And yes, while I am sadly aware that some of Germanic lineage wear the KCIC as a symbol of (non-militarized) nationalistic pride, it’s still a bad look, akin to waving a Confederate flag to show you’re from the Deep South, or displaying a “Trump 2024” flag in your front yard, in a failed attempt to dissuade your neighbors from thinking that your mother and sister are more than likely, the very same person.

To be clear, I am in no way, shape, or form, implying, inferring, or strongly suggesting, that Klafeta harbors any deep or respectful love for the NAZI ideology in general, despite his sporting one of its most recognizable icons, but to be fair, he does seem to display a fondness for utilizing some of its finer propaganda points as well, concerning his absurdist takes on this, our modern age.

I guess what they say is true after all; “You can take the junge out of the Sturmabteilung, but you can’t take the Sturmabteilung out of the junge.”

But I am confident about one thing, and it this- when it comes to the gift of being granted a working intellect, Klafeta was obviously standing in the wrong line during the time when it was being handed out, and nobody bothered to tell him.

And if you think that’s a tad harsh on my part, try this commentary on for size:

Damn. That’s a whole new level of stupid, is it not?

I get not wanting to accept reality. I get not wanting to accept a humiliating defeat. And I totally understand not wanting to accept potential irrelevancy. But as a proud descendent of Germany myself, I also understand that swearing open allegiance to a histrionic and cravenly man-child, with delusions of grandeur and a taste for creating scapegoats out of minorities, rarely works out well for us, as a rule.

Just saying, Lance.

Leaving our Bavarian bouncing ball of alleged bigotry behind, we now find ourselves standing on the metaphorical doorstep of one James Ray Spring, an Oklahoman and undeservedly proud MAGAt, who dispenses hateful rhetoric as if he were a PEZ dispenser sent straight from the bowels of Hell itself.

In a sense, pairing Spring with the machinations of Hell is just a tad bit ironic, because along with his slavish devotion to the mango-tinted bronzed calf that is Donald J Trump, Spring is also a self-declared Christian, as well. I say “self-declared”, because given his social, political, and spiritual point of view, no true person of faith would allow him anywhere near one of their church services, much less the deity he purportedly worships.

Why is this? For that, I must turn to the Good Book itself for the answer. From 1 John 4:20; “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” Spring not only openly hates his allegorical brothers, as well as their relations and offspring, but he’s also perfectly fine cherry-picking the Word to justify his spitefully applied misinterpretations of it, to boot.

In Spring’s world, he’s always the victim of godless heathenism, which wants nothing less than to render the very fabric of America itself asunder, and then, offer up the remnants of what was once a proud republic, to the dark and demonically inspired forces that machinated its demise.

You know. The usual stuff we all deal with, from time to time? Well, count yourself as lucky if it’s a random occurrence in your life, because for Spring, who obsesses over a wide spectrum of unconnected topics ranging from conspiracies to atheism, it’s a protracted battle with certified Reality almost every day:

Right from the start, I have some strong reservations about this post, as I highly doubt that there’s an organized consortium of American teenagers who openly support a treasonously dimwitted septuagenarian such as Trump is, and Spring’s inferred belief in what has come to be called “the Big Lie” in reference to the 2020 election, is just the inane icing on an overly flatulent cupcake.

Before I dive in to the disingenuous cesspool that substitutes for Spring’s undersupplied intellect, I want to share some details with you regarding what it takes to compose my acerbic assessments such as they are. The main key is deep dive research regarding who or what I’m going to be writing about, using the resources of social media, mass media, and even sometimes, direct conversations with those in the know.

And if I’m successful in my quest for verified info, I, and my chosen subject, wind up with an obsessively organized folder that looks somewhat like this:

This is how I do what I do: all of the data I collect, regardless of the final amount gathered, gets separated into its singular commonality, both for easier future retrieval and dissemination to my readership, and so that nothing gets disjointedly mixed up with anything else.  

For when you gain unfettered access to a hypocrisy-spewing cornucopia of sarcastic writer’s gold, such as Spring provides ever so consistently, you definitely need your inherent OCD to stay on point, for as you can see, the reservoir of ridiculousness, can top itself off rather easily:

In case you can’t tell, this screenshot is of the fodder marked “God’, in which Spring’s hypocritical observations are stored and catalogued. At the present time, (9/28/2022) it contains over 330 items, and if you recall, is only one of ten that I’ve assembled to house his asinine assertions.

In fact, Spring has sort of become by default, the male version of past Artbitch scratching post and fellow faux Christian, Ruth Darlene Seawolf, who may just face a serious challenger to retain her title of Queen of the Cafeteria Christians, despite being a featured subject within these pixilated pages, more than once. [Check the Artbitch Archive].

And why is that? Well, while Seawolf’s folder is divided up into the categories of God, (She’s a religious hypocrite) Health, (She’s an anti-maker) Social Issues, (She’s a closet Puritan) and politics, (Quite literally, one of the areas where she’s dumber than New Mexico dirt) it only contains 160 files in total

But Spring’s? Even when judged by my overly exacting standards, it’s still truly impressive:

Ten folders. Over 950 examples of Spring openly ranting about everything from imaginary voter fraud, to his disdain at the very existence of Transpeople. And all of it, foisted upon our society, by a hypocritical false lamb, using the odious masquerade of faith as a sanctimonious shield. Which, even as an avowed Atheist, I find morally reprehensible beyond the pale.

And keep in mind, if you will, that my culling his FB profile for inadvertent comedy, represents less than an hour of my time, spread throughout an average diurnal. Even at its most casual, just dropping in on his mental mendacity that he’s decided to devote himself to that day, makes doing so a breeze.

When it comes to ignorantly hateful bigotry and hypocrisy forming itself into a walking analog for a sentient urinal cake, I couldn’t have found a better example than Spring, unless I were to order a custom one out of a catalogue that caters to the manufacture of cravenly conservatives. But in relation to writing about him, where do I even start, as there’s just so much to work with? Truly, a daunting road lay ahead.

To that end, my sardonic sense of sarcasm is starting to get the idea that maybe, just maybe, I need to split James in twain. Metaphorically that is, and not literally, as the latter is illegal pretty much everywhere, even if you can somewhat defend why it was necessary to do so. No, in order to protect my developing story-arc, if not my sanity, I’d suggest that much like James himself, we focus on them in order of applied ignorance, over that of implied importance.

Therefore, I say that to start us off, we stick with what I initially opened up Spring’s tale with, that being the wonderfully paranoid world where his conspiracy theories are taken as gullible gospel:

I hate to say it, but this actually represents some progress whereas interaction with conservatives is concerned. It once was that everyone that they didn’t like, fell under the auspice of Godwin’s Law, which states that as an online discussion grows longer and more heated, (irrespective of topic or scope), finding oneself compared to either Nazis or Adolf Hitler will be an unavoidable eventuality.

Now, before you start reminding me that I just spent a few lines painting a Bavarian bigot as being associated with more than just a few aspects of Nazism, I’d offer the retort that I wasn’t the one who brought up “education camps”, espoused anti-immigrant views, or was pictured wearing the very symbol of NAZI military might, albeit one that was redesigned, due to its horrendous origin, so please get off my back, if you would.

However, like most fans of the classics, Spring isn’t above reaching into his personal way-back bag of non sequiturs, in a blatantly desperate attempt to deflect attention away from the obvious, especially when he’s confronted with a reality that he can’t defend against, using credible facts:

So, given this type of response to an event that is beyond debate as to what actually occurred, it stands to reason that since Spring’s party is rife with sexual deviants, his long-practiced gambit to slander all who oppose his ignorance, as being nothing less than an organized cabal of dedicated pedophiles, would be engaged fully.

But what’s the reality of this claim, targeting not only the expected politicos, but the numerous progressive corporations such as Disney, that’s eagerly promoted at the drop of a Chinese-made MAGA hat? In all honesty, when it comes to sex scandals, Dems are a randy little bunch to be sure, but so are the Repubs, and aver the last few years, the GQP has seen quite the uptake in sex scandals associated with pedophilia, while Dems on the other hand, seemingly can’t stop cheating on their wives.

In fact, when it comes to having been charged with, or convicted for, sexually-related offenses, ranging from child sex trafficking, to possession of child pornography, the GQP has definitely taken the lead.

Hypocritically, while they scream to the sky about the scourge of pedophilia rampantly occurring among their enemies, both real and imagined, they deliberately overlook the cancerous malevolence presently ensconced relatively safely within their own house.

To note, there have been no less than 11 of Trump’s political associates, going down for the aforementioned crimes above, and it’s a list that includes; Ruben Verastigui, Ronald Williams II, Adam Hageman, Caleb Bailey, George Nader, Ralph Shortey, Tim Nolan, Ben Gibson, Richard Ciccarella, and Anton Lazzaro, to name just a few,

And yet, when faced with these transparent examples of their own duplicitousness, the GQP’s communal base, whom Spring so perfectly represents, find themselves collectively unable to text, tweet, or post a single word about it. Weird, that.

Nevertheless, Spring has a lot to say when it comes to assumed sexual deviancy, such as he’s accused Disney of, and he isn’t afraid to share his opinions, no matter how homophobic, paranoiac, or batshit crazy, they may appear to be:

I have to admit, I did get something wrong here. The estimated box office take (at the time of this screed) for “Lightyear” was estimated to be 226.4M, but unfortunately, its budget was supposedly 200M, so if one has a basic understanding of net cost to profit, the movie while unique, was a flop. But not for the reason (a brief onscreen gay kiss) that Spring was gleefully fixating on, as seen in this additional posting of his:

If I may, let me correct a few major details in Spring’s wholly homophobic misinterpretation of actual reality, or in this case, his wackadoo preoccupation with an animated character. First, Disney did not get “rid of” Tim Allen, because this film’s Buzz Lightyear, is a totally distinctive departure from the “Toy Story” version we’ve known for over two and a half decades.

Irrespectively, taking elation in misfortune, seems to the main hobby of Conservatives these days, if only to push their false narrative that such depressive occurrences are due to the influence of “woke” culture, which as we all know by now, has the same effect on conservatives’ sense of self, as Kryptonite condoms have on Superman’s ability to confidently nail Wonder Woman.

The producer of “Lightyear” Galyn Susman, even clarified this potentially confusing issue for fans of the beloved franchise, stating in an interview, that; “People were having a hard enough time wrapping their heads around this. So really, we needed the toy in the ‘Toy Story’ universe to be its own thing. Tim Allen is Buzz Lightyear the toy. Chris Evans is Buzz Lightyear, the superhero from that movie that inspired the toy.”

Now for those of us whose brains actually still work the way they were designed to do, this explanation is more than sufficient, to elucidate quite literally, what the movie is all about. And due to it being an unexpected and far more serious take on what has become a revered POP culture icon, that’s where the fatal flaw lies, which has NOTHING to do with its inclusion of a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it, gay kiss.

But whereas Spring is overly concerned, the failure for such, must be centered squarely on a chaste kiss between two married gay characters, because um… morals and stuff, I guess?

It’s enough to make you sick. Especially if you’re a f**king hateful faux Christian hypocrite like Spring, who it could be charitably debated, spends far too much of his personal free time thinking about unseen gay Sex between imaginary cartoon characters. You know, the way that most SEVENTY-THREE-YEAR-OLD ALLEGEDLY STRAIGHT, WHITE CHRISTIAN MALES, TEND TO DO?

Nothing to unpack there, kids. One hundred percent normal, no matter how you slice it. And the fact that both characters are gay women of color, played no part whatsoever in Spring’s decision to be offended by a move that he’s obviously never watched.  Oh yes… did I forget to mention that along with being an alleged Cafeteria Christian, Spring also likes to dabble in racism and misogyny as well? Oops. My bad.

It must have slipped my mind, what with all the other terrible flaws of his character that I’m going to be addressing within this two-part screed. My sincerest apologies all around, and I promise that I will circle back to these two topics before our time together is done. Pinky swear.

Unfortunately, Spring is not alone in his delusion that America is being besieged by a queer cabal, as there are many others who also truly believe (for infamous exposure anyway) that “Lightyear” was a planned set-up to not only indoctrinate America’s children into becoming fabulously glittered free-spirits, but was crafted specifically, to “target” America’s newest wannabe fascist, Florida governor and full-time Trump 2.0 cosplayer, Ron DeSantis, no less:

I have to tell you, whenever I find myself wondering what the failure of public education looks like, these two will serve as the poster children for it. Even at my current age, it never ceases to amaze me that people who can barely comprehend how to microwave a hot dog without the help of a picture diagram, can weave tales so outlandishly fantastic, that even the ghost of L. Ron Hubbard, gets jealous from time to time.

In the 50’s, Conservatives had the “Red Scare”. In the 60’s, they had “Hippie Hysteria”. In the 70’s, they openly feared the ”Independent Woman”. In the 80’s, it was all the rage to obsess over “Satanic Panic”. And now, not only do we have to deal with a brand-new mélange of all of those asinine fever-dreams, we have also ourselves infested neck-deep with a bumper crop of retooled bigots, who rather disturbingly, want to “Slay the Gay”, figuratively, if not literally.

And just how ridiculous and far-gone, is this Fear of a Fabulous Planet on their part, you ask?

I think this, answers that, rather succinctly, if not insanely. Jesus Fracking Christ, these mental midgets have a world entire full of real problems to pick, choose, and keeping to their brand, ignore from, and this manufactured mass hysteria, is the best one they’ve got to offer their slavishly stupid base?

On the upside, while this in and of itself is one of the dumbest things that has ever come out of the sewer that is Tucker Carlson’s mouth, it does serve as a perfect lead-in to his newest documentary special, which covers all of the topics that White male Conservatives like Spring, are openly concerned about:

And despite his advanced age, which in theory, should have granted Spring with some form of practical life experience, and despite “knowing” the teachings of his alleged savior Jesus, who at no point whatsoever in the Bible, references either homosexuality or his opinion regarding it, Spring, whose own personal life has never been impacted one iota in any way by the existence of the LGBTQ Community, still felt the need to (pardon my pun) set the record “straight”:

So, Jimmy, if people aren’t “born Gay”, and if Gender dysphoria isn’t a real thing as science has proven, then why have gay people been a part of the World’s edifying DNA since Time began without the insidious inspiration of gay-themed cartoons?  Oh, that’s right- it’s the influence of queer culture itself, on our ever so impressionable youth, that causes this abomination.to continue.

I guess it must have started with gay cave paintings, becoming supplemented by gay shadow puppetry, which then evolved into gay formal portraiture, followed by gay ad design, and then with the advent of modern-Gay animation, created the icon that took root in the minds-eye of the general public’s formative years, and led to a whole generation of vulnerable youth to question their inherent sexuality, at his behest,

Damn you to Hell, you wascaly, yet adorable, wabbit. However, given the fact that this animated sarcastic succubus of Satan has been plying his craft for over 80 years unchecked, it’s amazing that net all of us are really into show tunes, is it not?

If we as a society, aren’t careful, the next thing you know these Gays will be recording albums, making even more animated films, writing books, and starring in hit shows on all the streaming platfor… oh, crap. I think we’re too late to do anything about it.

Ok, my Rainbow Riders, you might have won this round, but rest assured, James Spring, the 73-year-old self-declared 100% straight Oklahoman who talks about gay stuff (A LOT) is on to you now, and he’s got a ton of anti-gay memes he just can’t wait to post.

Like this one, for example:

Now, without even asking, I’m sure ol’ Jimmy Ray here would tell you that “real” marriage is between a man and a woman, the way God intended. You remember God, the sociopathic deity who, in Spring’s meme it’s inferred, “doesn’t make mistakes”, and yet somehow, he overlooked the consequences of giving his creations Free Will, even though being omnipotent, he knew what was going to happen when he did so?

A debate for another time, I guess.

But let’s talk about how marriage is depicted within the Bible, the book from which Spring obviously pulls his justification for his assumed outrage regarding the legal awarding of it to the LGBTQ Community.

Does he gain inspiration from Kings 11:3, which details that, Solomon had “seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart”, because in the end, God was not cool with that at all, and it seems far worse, than two gay people who live each other, binding for life.

Or shall we talk of Abram from Genesis 16:1-6, who made a sex slave of an Egyptian girl named Hagar, who just so happened to be his wife’s slave, and then, after impregnating her, abandoned her to cruel fate?

As written: “Now Sarai Abram’s wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai. And Sarai Abram’s wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.

And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes. And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the Lord judge between me and thee.

But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thine hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.”

Yup… that’s definitely a healthy and “normal’ marriage taking place there. Truly, a testament to the two-gender system that seemingly defines Spring on so many different levels.

Or maybe, just maybe, Spring is a lot more open-minded than I’ve been giving him credit for, and swings to the left with the implications of Mark 12:19, which says;; “Master, Moses wrote unto us, If a man’s brother die, and leave his wife behind him, and leave no children, that his brother should take his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother.”

Once again, that seems far more abominable than two gay people who love each other getting faithfully bound. Unless of course, you’ve always had the hots for your sister-in-law, and she for you, in which case- congratulations, and let me know where to send the toaster oven I’ll be buying you as a wedding gift.

Now, while the previous Biblical decree might seem bonkers, it pales in comparison to the edict of Deuteronomy 25:11-12, which honestly, and with all jokes aside, is one that I truly hope that Spring has never considered following even for a moment.

Verbatim: “When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.”

Yes, you did read that right. If you as a man, are getting your ass kicked, and your wife dares pull a “Crocodile Dundee” on your assailant in order to help you, make sure to cut off her hand after things have cooled down, just to remind her who’s boss.

So to recap Spring’s opinion; Gay marriage is far worse than having 700 wives and 300 concubines, forcing an unwillingly indentured servant to be your personal EZ Bake Baby Oven, and deliberately maiming your wife for having the audacity to try and keep you from suffering grievous physical harm.

If I found myself blessed with both the time and the hand-puppets, I would take a few minutes out of mocking my latest discovered hypoChrist here, and enlighten him on what marriage originally was- a business deal. In the so-called ancient times, women were offered as nothing more than a commodity, in order to strengthen either social position, or one’s economic standing.

The cruel reality was that in an era where women had no rights, and couldn’t hold titles or property either, marriage for the majority of women at least, was decisive in regards to their continuing existence and survival. But yes James… please tell us all how Gays losing half their autonomy from being in a dedicated relationship like the rest of us, will lead to the fall of Civilization, if you would be so kind.

Refreshingly, Spring’s willful ignorance isn’t just focused on gays alone, he’s also git quite the hate-on fir the transgender community as well, and as you’d expect, his knowledge of it is just as broad and solidified as his faithfulness in following the edicts of his sociopathically mercurial sky-daddy:

Let us pause for the briefest of moments here, to savor the unintentional ironic self-ownership of a man who demands that his invented deity be prevalent in all aspects of American life, from our public schools to our private health decisions, casting disparagement upon the practice of respectfully not using the “dead name” of a Transperson, because in his illiterate opinion, it’s akin to codifying a mental delusion based on the imaginary.

Take all the time you need to process this contradiction of logic, if only to let it resonate within you. But being arrogantly hateful, isn’t Spring’s only go-to schtick, as he’s also quite fond of crafting analogies from disparate topics, and then amalgamating them into a false narrative that’s not only intellectually weak AF, but if anything showcases just how far he’s willing to go to justify his own inability to willingly adapt to an ever-changing social dynamic, in general:

Sigh. It’s almost as if Walt Disney just before he died, ordered his cadre of Imagineers to build him a simple village idiot to serve as a background character for his animatronic Hall of Presidents, and in their collective grief, they decided to go one notch higher, and cement his legacy by fashioning the biggest jackass in History, instead:

Correction: the second biggest jackass in History, instead.

Although, I do have to give the Imagineer corps some serious props here, as not only did they get the artificiality of the man dead-bang, right down to the diseased ferret corpse living on top of his vacuous head, they also unerringly nailed the “nobody’s-ever-been-at-home” burnt-out light-bulbs that serve as his eyes, as well.

Kudos, guys. This is Nightmare Fuel, in its finest distillation.

Getting back on track, Spring’s hateful horse as usual, gets turned into glue sticks, long before it even gets out of his allegorical gate. Due largely to the reality that a 1970’s TV actor playing a 1950’s character, has as much relevance in highlighting the issues of today’s society, as “I love Lucy” would have in discussing gay marriage or the BDSM subculture.

Even more pathetically, it’s blatantly obvious that Spring, quite literally, can’t tell the wide-chasm differences between the two wildly dissimilar examples that he himself presented. First, Corporal (later Sergeant) Maxwell Q. Klinger, was a fictional character, who used the ruse of being a cross-dresser, to hopefully acquire a psychiatric discharge, also known as a Section Eight in order to avoid serving out the reminder of the Korean War.

To achieve this goal, this (once again) TOTALLY FICTIONAL character would consistently wear women’s clothing and stage public absurdities, to try and lend credence to his assertion that he was indeed, “crazy”. However, it was made quite clear from the character’s initial introduction that not only was Klinger sane, but heterosexual as well, because despite Spring’s comparison, cross-dressing is in no way, shape or form, an accurate indicator of sexual preferences.

As to the second image that Spring posted with all of the intellectual maturity granted a bigoted toddler, the persons depicted are Assistant Health Secretary Dr. Rachel Levine, and newly hired DOE employee Sam Brinton, who were photographed celebrating Bastille Day, at the French Ambassador’s residence. Personally, I wouldn’t have matched that kind of purse with that dress as Brinton did, as a clutch would have been far more socially appropriate, but other than that, I could care less about their dual wardrobes.

Regardless of self-chosen gender identity, what I care most about in regards to my governmental officials in general, is whether they can do the job required, or not. That’s it. Because honestly, that’s the only thing that matters.

And if they can, then who the hell cares? I don’t. And as far as I’m concerned, if they can also pull off looking damn fly in a cocktail dress as they do so, that’s just extra icing on the cake. Given my past history of wearing more leather and metal than you’d find in a San Francisco hardware store, being anything less than supportive of the personal fashion choices of others, would be hypocritical as f**k, and I am so not about that.

But for a hypocritical and wholly paranoid transphobe such as Spring, whose intellectual Slinky is perpetually tied in a knot, such proud representation, and in public, no less, is the very antithesis of what he considers to be a civilized and enlightened society. Newsflash, Jimmy Ray? Just because you don’t; like it, doesn’t mean that you have the right to cauterize it out of society.

If such were the case, I would, rest assure you, that Nickelback’s last eight albums never would have seen the light of day, and the master print of “Highlander Two”, would have been tossed into an active volcano long ago, along with its screenwriter and production team, just to make sure it, and they, could never hurt anyone again.

Nevertheless, maybe the real issue here, is that I’m misreading the lay of the land as it were, and perhaps, Spring isn’t the hateful, ignorant, hypo-christical morass of mental midgetry that I perceive him to be, and is, in fact, just an unfortunate victim of an as yet undiagnosed and uncontrollable all-gripping sense of Fear.

I’m sure that given my stereotypical doggedness, I could eventually unearth what It is that compels him to say (and out stock in) such preposterous pustulence, and by doing so, guide him down the path to becoming once again, a useful part of Humanity, rather than just another cautionary tale for the post-Trump era.

I’m sure that given my stereotypical doggedness, I could eventually unearth what It is that compels him to say (and out stock in) such preposterous pustulence, and by doing so, guide him down the path to becoming once again, a useful part of Humanity, rather than just another cautionary tale for the post-Trump era historians to come.

In fact, I do believe that my due diligence has paid off, allowing me to discover just why Spring is the way he is. It’s so simple, and yet, it was staring me in the face the whole time that I’ve been highlighting his abominably unintelligent point of view. As it turns out, Spring’s soul, as well as his alleged brain, have found themselves riddled with the mental disease that is:

It all makes sense now. Spring’s slack-jawed countenance and dead-eye stare into the foreboding distance, whenever Reality is proven, or even mentioned. His lack of critical thinking skills. The cultist behavioral patterns he engages in. And let’s not forget his incessant need to blame everyone save himself, for the self-created problems that he forged with his unrelenting attitude of personal dickishness towards others who have never harmed him, albeit directly, or not.

Factor in his willing acceptance of facing hardship, based on his unfounded assumption that it’s perfectly acceptable, so long as the people he despises are suffering just that much more. Normally, I would refer to this assemblage of character deficiencies as being those inherent to a sociopath, but that almost seems like an unjustified slur against innocent sociopaths when I do so, and mythical God knows, I don’t need that kind of heat in my life.

When the disingenuous dust that that these red-hatted Hatetriots so violently stirred up finally settles, it’ll be interesting to see who deflects their personal culpability for what they’ve said and done, and who will proudly own it, as if it were a fascist merit badge.

Granted, while I don’t know Spring at all, past his postings and insipid commentary, my guess is that when his judgement day before society finally arrives, he’ll be festooned with Trumpist flair, as if he were the fire sale at a MAGA retail outlet:

And once again, let us all not lose sight of the fact that these fine people, who adorn themselves with costumes absent of the excuse of either Halloween or a cosplay convention, and do so for the fleeting approval of a deceitful demagogue who wouldn’t condescend to piss on them if they were on fire in front of him, will remind you at the point of a gun backed up by zip-ties, that they are most definitely; NOT in a cult.

No siree Bob. Not brainwashed. Not indoctrinated. Not gullible sheep, walking amongst a like-minded woolly ball of wackiness. Independent thinkers, doing their own thing. One-hundred-percent fully functioning mature adults.

Well. That checks out.

When this wave of purely horrendous hatriotism started cresting a few years back, I was actually one of the few in my circle that remained optimistic about my fellow humans. At first. I honestly placed solid faith in the idea that over time, Trump’s numerous gaffes, corrupt actions, and treasonous deceit, would eventually grind his base of rabid supporters back into actual individuals as they once were known to be, and for some of them, that prediction has rung true.

But for far too many I fear, there is no coming back from their self-imposed brink, and Spring, I am certain, is unquestionably entrenched within that cretinous contingent. Irrespective of what Trump has done, ranging from adultery to outright treason, Spring, the cafeteria Christian will rationalize it away, or as is typical of his ilk, will just ignore it, outright.

And like most conservatives who bleat senselessly about not worshipping or listening to so-called “celebutards”, while actively doing just that, in concern to their dime-store-bronzed Count of Mostly Crisco, they can’t help but display their supplementary hypocrisy when it comes to seeking political counsel, either.

But take heart, as they’re only taking guidance from the sagest among them:

For those of you unfunnier with this Randy Quaid person, he was once a sought-after character actor, whose career sort of faded into the irrelevant ether, after it became wildly apparent that he had sadly indeed, gone full Trumpian potato. To refresh your memory, here he is, in one of his most iconic roles, that being the alcoholic crop duster and former military pilot, Russell T. Casse, from the 1996 Summer blockbuster, “Independence Day”:

Oops. My bad. That’s actually Quaid’s booking photo from 2010, when he was arrested for felony residential burglary and entering a noncommercial building without consent, Essentially Quaid and his wife Evi, were squatting illegally within a residence that they did not own. I am ever so sorry about that. But I did promise you a photo of his iconic and hilarious movie character, so here you are:

Well, damn it to heck, this isn’t the right picture at all, either.

Once again, I unthinkingly posted a booking photo of Quaid from 2015, except this one was taken in Canada, where Quaid and his wife had filed for refugee status, saying that they genuinely feared for their lives if they remained within the United States. And why was that you ask/ Well, it’s a doozy of a story, let me tell you.

The Quaid’s made this asinine assertion based on their unhinged belief that (and I am not making this up) they were being relentlessly pursued by a cabal of celebrity-killing murderers, that they referred to as “Hollywood star whackers”, who were accountable for the so-called “natural” deaths of actors Heath Ledger, who died of an accidental overdose, and David Carradine, who died from a case of autoerotic asphyxiation, which to say the very least, is not how you want to be remembered by your peers

Now, I do have a few questions to ask here, and they are this; first, why in the hell would Quaid be a target of such assassins, when it would be charitably obvious to say that at best, he was nothing more than a glorified second-banana in most of his films, and second; did they really think that an organized hit squad would somehow be deterred from carrying out their deadly assignment, due to the magic that is Canada?

Don’t get me wrong, Canada is fabulous, but I’d hardly declare it a safe-zone from the likes of a star-obsessed splinter branch of the Illuminati. That is, unless you’re willing to deploy the sheer carnage that is the combined forces of Celine Dion and Glass Tiger, whom despite their smash 1986 hit song, ironically titled Don’t Forget Me (When I’m Gone), you’ve probably long forgotten.

To be certain, I’m not insinuating that we shouldn’t protect our most-valued celebrities, I’m just suggesting that perhaps, we let sleeping French-Canadians lie, and by doing so, not have Hell rain down upon us.

The sheer absurdity of Quaid’s misapprehensions aside, can you just imagine the process required to put his name on such a list? In my mind’s eye, I’m seeing a scene lifted straight out of the 2015 James Bond film, “SPECTRE”:

Let me set the mood, if I may: the “Whackers” are all sitting at a long table, casually tossing out names for consideration as potential targets, basing their decisions on reasons ranging from George Clooney’s disastrous turn as Batman, (valid) to the annoyance that is Andy Dick in general, (more so) and without warning, one of them just for fun perhaps, tosses Quaid’s name into the proverbial hat for his involvement with 2002’ “The Adventures of Pluto Nash”.

I could easily buy that.

But just forget all that, as Spring has obviously done, and pay full attention to the crazy man pretending that his take on politics is both appreciated and relevant. To note, just in case Quaid and Spring haven’t received the news yet- Trump is NO LONGER THE PRESIDENT, and Mar-a-Lago is not now, never was, and never has been, the “southern/winter White House”, you absolute f**king loons.

What it currently is, according to law enforcement, draws valid comparison to how Master Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi once described the ethos of fictional Tatooine’s Mos Eisley spaceport:

Never thought I’d ever say this about Obi-Wan Kenobi, but damn… that Jedi could foreshadow like a motherf**ker when the moment was right. However, I’m getting kind of peckish just sitting here in the ol’ Lair of Snarkitude, and I most certainly, could go for a late-night bowl of Count Chocula topped with crushed Nutter Butter Cookies, so I think I’ll put an allegorical pin in this for now.

But i ain’t done dissecting and mocking the inanity of my newest scratching post, just yet. Not by a long shot. As it was once stated by the Joker in “The Dark Knight”:

Now, while I’m not seriously planning on doing “this” forever, or contemplating a physical act of violence, Spring’s consistent public displays of prideful bigotry, misogyny, racism, willful ignorance and sacrilegious hypocrisy, are just something I’m having too much fun writing about.

As its been noted, I don’t believe in God, or even Satan for that matter, but if I did, I’d have to thank one for sending me this gift of guileless density, and praise the other for giving him the ability to do so, with such undeserved confidence.

You’re free to decide who’s responsible for which, but I’ve already got my answer.

And when we come back… I showcase more of Spring’s truly dizzying intellect, poke holes in his paranoiac and erroneous social theorems, and wonder aloud, just what must have happened, to turn a zygote with a bright future ahead of him, into the kind of person that the Future likes to forget existed.

 

“The wicked envy and hate; it is their way of admiring.”- Victor Hugo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


The Greatest Story Ever Sold. (The Passing of the Christ)

“Is man merely a mistake of God’s? Or God merely a mistake of man?”- Friedrich Nietzsche

Hello Bitchiteers!

How are you doing? Got enough sleep? Got enough food? Got Milk? But most importantly, how is your soul doing these days, in an era where it seems that most people who assert that they have one, fall far short of the minimums that they’re supposed to achieve with it.

As some of you may have already guessed, today we’re going to talk about “God”, the Faith centered around his supposed existence, and if I have the time, I may even devote a line or two to his so-called lambs who adhere to his declarations very much in the same way that I shun chilled Ding Dongs.,

However, I will be approaching this topic not as an absolute, and most certainly, not as a supremacy. Instead within this screed, He/She/It, will not be lauded as anything more than an abstract concept, designed by deeply flawed humans, specifically for the task of providing at hand to other equally faulty humans, not only a protector over all, but rationalizations for how the world actually works, as well.

Not to mention, providing a steady source of tax-free income for those Machiavellian enough, to forge it into a cudgel of unquestionable authority within this world, if not allegedly, the next. Never let it be forgotten that the initial idea for controlling the intellectually simple and emotionally desperate, has been turned into not only a thriving cottage industry, but also as a means to acquire legislative power as an added bonus.

Religion: the only Ponzi scheme that has not only governmental protection, but societal approval as well, which to be fair, is one heck of a beginning for a so-called faith, whose origins came from a wife’s desire to keep the secret of her adulterous act from getting back to her husband. Yes, I said that. And no, I will not apologize for it.

Because depending on your inherent ability to accept reality, there’s really only two choices here- either Mary had some side action that went South of Nazareth, or you have to make peace with the fact that an all-powerful deity sexually forced himself upon a truly defenseless woman, in order to produce an off spring, which seems odd, considering that he supposedly created the first two humans Adam and Eve from scratch, and without a recipe, to boot.

Did he forget how, or was it just a case of him telling his office manager; “I ain’t got time for this, so find me a virgin, stat.” All jokes aside, if I were ever caught taking a whipped-cream bath with Milla Jovovich by my GF of 13 years, I seriously doubt that I could pull off the defense strategy that it was not I who was at fault, but “God”, instead.

Granted, that might just be due to the fact that she’s both an Atheist and a Redhead, but I’m sure her sense of palpable skepticism, would translate equally across all the possible hair spectrums.

For those of you fortunate enough to have never been subjected to the inanity that forms the first part of the Bible, that being the prologue known as Genesis, I’ll give you the Cliff Notes from which all of this mystical malarkey sprang: “In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

Oops. My bad. That was actually a quote from the seminal novel “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”, authored by Douglas Adams, and is a comedic sci-fi take chronicling the adventures of the last surviving Earthman, Arthur Dent, after Earth is destroyed by an alien race known as the Vogons, for the purpose of clearing the path as it were, to make way for a hyperspace bypass as part of an intergalactic highway construction project. You know. Like it so often happens in life?

And next to none other than the very Bible itself, it’s possibly my favorite work of science fiction fantasy, hands down. In the version where “God” is not only the star, the plot, and somehow also the actual author, lots of stuff happens. To start, there’s war, murder, outright genocide, rapes, betrayal, abominable sin, debauchery, worship of false idolatry, and in an unexpected plot twist nobody could possibly have seen coming, the crucifixion of “God’s” very own son, but rest assured, it will all work out in the end.

Or to be more exact, at a time that nobody actually knows for certain. It’s like the long-awaited sequel to “The Last Starfighter”, but with less Robert Mitchum, and far more Joel Osteen.

But don’t think t’s all doom and gloom, as there’s Redemption, Resurrection, and a dinner party that goes all shades of hilariously wrong near the end pf the book, and it wraps up neatly as the Son of God, (AKA: “Jesus”) goes from being a humble carpenter as Harrison Ford once was, to inheriting the family business, eventually kicking the crap out of God’s most troublesome ex-employee, a fallen angel named Lucifer, who gets banished to the fictional realm of Hell, a place not only of eternal torment and suffering, but also where he’s been living and working, since Time began.

Call me crazy, but sending Luce back to his room, hardly seems like a fitting punishment for the Harbinger of All Things Evil, but what do I know? I only drop in on God’s plan every now and then, as most of us seem to do these days. In the Bible, Hell is oft-described as possessing lakes of fire, where unrepentant sinners are bound in chains of ice, far removed from God’s sight, which when given his mercurial nature, presents as sort of a half full / half empty equation, no matter how you look at it.  

Nevertheless, this not how I envisions Hell, for in my mind’s eye, I see it as no more than an overly-crowded and poorly air-conditioned ball pit, where you’re forced against your will, to walk around barefoot on top of an ever increasingly shifting mass of errant LEGO blocks, for all of eternity. If you asked me, I’d opt out for the fire treatment instead. After all, I used to live in Phoenix, so if anything, it would almost be comfortingly familiar, sitting in a pond full of lava that’s up to my neck.

But as usual, I’m putting the cross before the guy who’ll eventually be depicted for eternity as being nailed to it, so let me start at the most logical place, that being “The Beginning”. I know that makes sense, but it’s also, somewhat ironically, the literal opening of the Greatest Story Ever Sold. 

From Genesis“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.”

So far, so good, I guess. And whatever you do, don’t dare ask where God came from, because that’s highly problematic to the overall development of the plot.

“And God said, “Let there be an expanse in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters.” And God made the expanse and separated the waters that were under the expanse from the waters that were above the expanse. And it was so. And God called the expanse Heaven. And there was evening and there was morning, the second day..”

So, at this point, God has established the future location of his base of operations, a place of beauty and eternal joy, that every Christian hypocrite swears up and down that they’ll be ascending to when they die, but not you.

“And God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.” And it was so. God called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And God saw that it was good.

And God said, “Let the earth sprout vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, on the earth.” And it was so. The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the third day.”

Cool- God has now laid out the landscaping, and thanks to his fruit-based forward thinking, everybody gets to enjoy a fresh glass of OJ with their Jimmy Dean sausage. Oops-he hasn’t gotten that far yet.

“And God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night. And let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the earth.” And it was so. And God made the two great lights- the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night, and the stars. And God set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth, to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the fourth day.”

In simpler terms, it’s dark, it’s late, go to bed already.

“And God said, “Let the waters swarm with swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the heavens.” So God created the great sea creatures and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. And God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.” And there was evening and there was morning, the fifth day.”

And with that, you now know who is responsible for both Pigeons and the mess that they consistently leave on your just-washed car.

“And God said, “Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their kinds- livestock and creeping things and beasts of the earth according to their kinds.” And it was so. And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the livestock according to their kinds, and everything that creeps on the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.”

Finally- the raw ingredients for the aforementioned Jimmy Dean Breakfast Sausages have arrived! Thank Him.

“Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So, God created man in his own image, In the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

(And right here, boys and girls, is where the Ineffable Plan starts slowly going South. Literally.)

“And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

In other words, everything with a face, save for your fellow humans, is up for grabs as either some form of cheap fast food, or as an overpriced healthy snack, available only from the fine folks at Sprouts.

“And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. And to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the heavens and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so. And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning, the sixth day.”

Now according to this totally believable tale, the very next day, God being pooped, took the day off, but not before he declared said day holy unto himself, because as will be revealed, down deep, he’s kind of a petty bitch, if not a full-blown sociopath. But to his credit, he didn’t rest on his newly created laurels too long, because in his self-created position as the one and true God, he had to get going with his master plan, which despite his predilection for working in mysterious ways, (his words, not mine) was in the end, deceptively simple, and went something like this:

Setting up a virtual paradise on Earth, that he calls The Garden of Eden, he stocks it with all of the aforesaid delights and delicacies that he crafted days before, and in a sheer moment of omnipotent genius, takes Adam and Eve, his two previously immaculate human creations, and deliberately installs the flaw of Free Will into them, despite having no real need in the first place, to do so.

He then instructs them both not to use it under threat of dire consequence, later going on to purposefully go about setting up an irresistible temptation, as he concurrently allows the corruption of the pair, by yet another one of his formations (albeit an evil one) who somehow, manages to enter and exit, the Garden unmolested. After committing the sin that he eventually would go on to classify as being “Original”, despite knowing that it was going to happen anyway, due to his inherent and manipulative omnipotence, he loses his collective cool about it, and banishes Adam and Eve from the Garden forever

Notwithstanding the obvious fact that the situation at his hand was ENTIRELY HIS FAULT, he sends the duo out into the harshness of the world beyond completely unprotected, taking it upon himself quite some time later, to transcribe a book via other flawed humans, in which he demands that they, and all of their resultant offspring, endeavor to spend their lives worshiping him on bended knee, otherwise he’ll toss them all into a bottomless pit of eternal fire, torment, those chains of ice again, after being deemed unworthy of his “love”.

That’s right- he loves us, remember? That’s why he’s doing all of this.

And in order to demonstrate this, he decides to send us his only son, born of a virgin he arrogantly forced himself upon, to teach us about the mercy of God’s alleged love, a theorem proven when the so-called loving God and Father to us all, allows said son to be mercilessly crucified, so that he can rise from the dead three days later, and then immediately ascend to Heaven, rather than remain on earth, where it could be arguably debated, that he’d be far more effective at spreading the Gospel of his part-time Deity Dad, than he would be appearing in either clouds or patterns on burnt toast..

I do have one small question that’s been nagging at me for quite some time though, and it is this- according to Genesis 2:7, Adam was created when; “the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul”.

Now if this is accurate on any level, and I strongly doubt that it is, then what was the point of impregnating Mary, waiting 33 years for Jesus to mature into manhood and then subjecting him to a torturous death, when all that was ostensibly required to create a savior and heir apparent, was for God to exhale on a handful of random dust bunnies?  Once again, “mysterious ways”, and all that happy jazz, I guess.

Unabashedly, I will admit that when I look upon this travesty of tripe disguised as allegorical salvation, and that, with the most cynical of eyes, even I’m impressed that in an age where we’ve conquered the initial challenges of spaceflight, harnessed the power of the atom, and live in a world that gave us both the musical genius that is Jeff Lynne as well as Vanilla Ice, the one that isn’t, I still have to give serious props to whomever it was that actually succeeded in selling this inane idea as a plausible reality.

Say what you must, and I most certainly will, but managing to turn a Middle Eastern Jew borne from what should have been the end of an obviously already troubled marriage, into the Blond, White WASPish Savior of All, based on nothing more than fairy-tales passed down orally from illiterates to educated scribes operating under various agendas, is quite the impressive act of branding, so says me.

Nevertheless, and despite my acidic assertions, I honestly have no actual problems with the conceptual application of spiritual faith- I myself have witnessed, as I’m sure many of you have, just how a strong sense of such, can get people safely through even the most difficult and trying of times, and not even I, in my darkest moment of black-hearted glee, would dare rob someone in need of that particular salve.

No, the thing that trips my ever-so-vexed trigger, is when the institution of organized Religion rears its hypocritical and maggoty head, starts spewing its discordant dogma to the degradation of all within its line of sight, including itself, and then, feigns the provocation of erroneous victimhood when held to task for doing so. It’s a winning strategy of secularism; slur, degrade, vilify, and when caught, claim persecution.

After all, doesn’t it strike as strange, that despite there being over 5000 Gods on this planet that have been worshipped by Man at one point or another, these ever-so-lucky-Children-of-Galilee managed somehow, to pick the singular Deity above all, whose celestial biases perfectly matched their own personal ones. Seriously- how fortuitous is that? If I had those kinds of odds at my disposal when I met Debbie Harry back in the Fall of 1999, I’d be still be gainfully employed as her personal masseuse.

On a more individual note, regardless of the amenities that mythological Heaven may offer us, spending eternity with the very same people whose condescending sense of faux Christianity I used to battle almost every day, is really not the selling point that they may think it is. Hell, itself may not offer me the throne I’m sure that I’ve earned, but at least the tunes will be good, and the strippers will be hot.

Mainly because most likely, they’ll be on literal fire, to say the very least. What can I say? When in Rome, do as the Romans do, and when finding yourself imprisoned within Hell for eternity, make your peace with the flaming lap-dance, and get on with the work of trying to live your best after-life.

Because as only the allegorical Lord knows, down here on Earth, most of these modern-day faux Christians aren’t presently doing so at the moment. As a rule, I do try to avoid making blanket statements whenever I can, as it tends to be taken as nothing more than ill-informed griping, but I do think that it is fair to say that Religion, next to Violence itself, is one of the most abominable creations ever inflicted upon Mankind entire.

Don’t get me wrong, the other bullspit that us semi-evolved monkeys have propagated sucks donkey tally-wacker too, but only the aspect of religion, gives culturally acceptable hall passes to its pustular progeny without fail.

How liberating it must be, to dredge up the malevolent spirits of Racism, Misogyny, Homophobia, Islamophobia, and willingly spiteful ignorance, then switch gears, so that you can then arrogantly claim that you’ve been “saved” and washed clean of your spiritual transgressions by the creator whose edicts you so purposefully misinterpret. And if you don’t believe me in regards to this concept, just remember the cornerstones of the ministry of Jesus, and seriously ask yourself if he would be cool with his most devoted of disciples espousing this, in his name:

I never thought I’d ever have to say this, but I may just have to call up the Taliban, and sincerely apologize for inferring that they were far too extreme in enforcing their warped sense of morality upon a formerly free society. Not only would Jesus be horrified by this perversion of his teachings, he’d probably also run the credible risk of finding himself crucified again by his own adherents, if he dared speak out against it.

And just who are the persons behind this pathetically unconstitutional power move against the LGBTQ Community? Well, none other than the Texas GQP, whose only purpose in life at this point I feel, is to help Florida feel better about itself on a daily, if not an hourly basis. That is, when it’s not plotting to put women and minorities back in the kitchens and fields, where their odious interpretation of God demands that they be.

Texas… where everything is bigger, including the repercussions of inbreeding, secular psychosis, and teaching children, that Jesus rode a Tyrannosaurus Rex to work. But getting back on point, let’s take a look at just what these wannabe Fred Phelps want to legislate, before we find out that in reality, they were actually so far back in the metaphorical closet, that they were using next year’s Christmas gifts as a substitute chaise lounge.

Now, while I fully support the clause holding birth fathers financially accountable, the passage afterwards, essentially legitimizing discrimination on the basis of one’s “beliefs” regarding sexuality or gender identity, morally reprehensible, at best. I for one, don’t believe in an all-supreme being, so does that mean I can now punch random strangers for telling me to “Have a blessed day”? because trust me, there’s been many a time I would have taken advantage of that, depending on the source.

As I noted, this legalized blanket pf bigotry is not only asinine in its unenforceable scope, it’s also blatantly unconstitutional as well, not that Texas gives a rat’s ass about following the established laws of America when it feels that it can somehow substitute its own in their stead. SPOILER: THEY CAN’T, and they already know that, but it does play well to the ever so f**kingly stupid base that comprises both their political clout, as well as their citizenry.

Even more ridiculously stupid, other than their collective belief that not only can they override Federal authority regarding private procedures taking place within Federal prisons if not the branches of the military itself, is their inane delusion that they can, and without questions raised, dictate the course of individual medical and psychiatric care to, and I quote; “persons of any age” as well, which of course, they also cannot do, in any way, shape or form.

Call me crazy, but for people who flaunt the Bible and the Constitution as much as they do, none of these Cafeteria Christians has ever seemingly read either one past the opening preamble, and believe me, it shows. Freedom, Semi-available in most states, but not currently stocked within the borders of what serves as the analog for America’s taint.

Riding along with these soon-to-be-overturned lawsuits waiting to happen, is the theocratical postulating that the legalization pf Marijuana not be instituted, despite a Dallas Morning News-University of Texas at Tyler poll, which showed that roughly 60% of registered voters supported the eventual legalization of marijuana for one’s personal use, while 83%, supported its application for medical purposes.

Even more against the grain of both common sense and majority favoritism, is the bizzarro idea that services to assist those suffering from the scourges of chemical addiction, should be based on an approach of ‘faith-based rehabilitation’, which, in regards to the established methodology not dependent on some form of spiritual bugaboo, has proven itself to be, far less effective overall.

Personally, I would love to see the reaction on the faces of the demagogies behind this legislation if, after being diagnosed with Cancer, or some other form of terminal malevolence, if they were told that due to their fellow elected representatives belief in a mystical Sky-daddy, their doctors were going to eschew chemotherapy and other proven drug therapies, in favor of Faith administered by a practitioner of Voodoo instead.

I’d place the odds at 100 to 1, that they’d as a collective, would uniformly declare that they had recently converted to Satanism, and demand immediate medical transport to the first blue state that had an open bed, whether it be in a hospital, or a kennel. When the chips are down, these so-called persons of faith tend to reveal who they really are, and quite literally, will start eating each other to survive.

In the end, their alleged adherence to the parables, is as thin as their loyalty to their fellow humans- virtually nonexistent. And when it comes to the mocking of their celestial crutch, rest assured, they don’t handle that well, either. Take for instance, this rather terse exchange between I and one of God’s favored lambs, whose name is Timothy Addair. and see just how fast his sense of calm evaporates when I question his belief in a fairy-tale cover story run amuck:

I’ve said it before, and I know I will be forced to say it again, but just why exactly, does the most-powerful being in all of Creation, require the unceasing PR services of his most flawed ones?

I mean… he’s already got the best-selling science-fiction novel of all time, a slew of successful movies based upon it, and pretty much every celebrity from sports figures to POP culture icons, makes it a point to thank him every single time they receive even the merest of public recognition for a minor achievement, so why does he need their help in regards to anything he’s supposedly in control of?

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say God has some seriously unresolved co-dependency issues, but to be fair, so do the majority of his followers, and maybe that’s why they’re always so on point to circle the wagons around their Sky-daddy, in order to gain the opportunity to be blessed under the auspice of his mercurial favor. And as you’d expect, the hypocrisy inherent within these Licentious Lambs of Fraud, is one of their most definitive characteristics that they display when cornered:

A few points here I’d like to address, if I may. This particular commentary came after Sandra Lubbe here, was boasting about how her religious views carried far greater weight than the injustice of stripping away the body autonomy of American women, a demographic which, I’d like to point out, she’s still a member of, even if it is only to be openly complicit in the targeted and certain to continue marginalizing of it.

Even better, is her serious query of “where in the Bible” was it, that I read that God was a myth, which may just be, one of the stupidest statements that I have ever heard in my life, without question. Where did I read it, Sandra? Honestly, nowhere specific.

However, when it comes to a book where not only Angels and Demons exist, but also where a man sires three sons when he’s no less than 500-years-old, I’m going to have some trepidation swallowing such a story, without doing some in-depth research first. In addition, said half-millennial successfully manages to get all the animals of the world on board an Ark that he built on God’s orders for that definitive purpose, just before the alleged Creator of all, kills everyone and everything on the planet, to make the world less violent.

Following the narrative so far? Good. Because it gets even weirder.

Despite that supposedly pressing concern, God seemingly as well, finds no issue with letting his chosen people (AKA: the Jews) being ruthlessly enslaved for 400 years. What a loving Father Figure. Speaking of which, a central figure within this expanded fever-dream, a father named Lot, willingly offers his virgin daughters to Sodomites so that they can rape them, gets to see his wife turned into a pillar of off-brand Morton’s Salt by God himself, and later impregnates both his daughters after being seduced by them.

And did I forget to mention Exodus 9:14?  This act of celestial grace, is definitely one that gives the undefendable actions of Lot, a fair run for their money: “I will send the full force of my plagues against you and against your officials and your people, so you may know that there is no one like me in all the earth”.

So, in order for the people to get to know God as the one true path to eternal salvation, he makes the command decision that rather than eradicate the sufferings of mankind, inflicted upon us by the flaw of the Free Will he installed within us all, he’ll just send a series of ever-worsening plagues instead, because apparently, that’s how openly loving relationships work.

By way of direct example, let’s take a gander at this sterling example of dual dysfunction, courtesy of my favorite local cafeteria Christian, who just so happens to be, not only a past Artbitch story subject, but more than likely, the future resident of a locked room wallpapered in bubble-wrap as well.

Ladies and Gentleman, please raise your perfectly chilled Ding-Dongs in appreciation for the one and thankfully only, Ruth Darlene Seawolf:

Not to be flippant in regards to the very real issue of spousal abuse, but if I knew anyone who was willingly involved with a person who as a rule, promoted this paradigm as a condition of their ongoing interpersonal association, I’d strongly advise them to not only cut off all contact with them, but to get a strongly enforced restraining order as well, just in case the science books I’ve loaned them, fail to take as a form of supreme (no pun intended) protection.

With all due seriousness, I’ve owned female cats that were less needy than this alleged deity, and at the very least, provided far more quantifiable comfort, unlike this infuriatingly insolent celestial deadbeat dad ever has.

Getting back to the point, Lubbe’s notating that people do not “need” sex to exist, just goes to prove my earlier theorem regarding her battery-powered sexual aptitudes, if not her overall intelligence. I’m not sure if her familiarity with the 9-volt lifestyle has jaded her past the point of rationality, but the last time I checked, without sex, earth would be less populated than it currently is now.

But I’d hazard a guess that when your entire sexual experience comes from fellating a book, I really shouldn’t be too surprised at the lack of biological knowledge you might possess. Moving on, her claiming unencumbered access to forgiveness, regardless of how she acts and what she says, because she believes in the charity of the very same deity that drowned a world entire, because he didn’t like the end result of his prevised cock-up.

And assigning the blame to me, for her succumbing to openly displaying her hypocrisy? That, boys and girls, is a classic Cafeteria Christian move, if ever there was one. I can’t say beyond a shadow of doubt, that the so-called faithful are disingenuous as f**k, but they certainly do seem to practice the art of being so, far better than anyone else I’ve ever met. It’s a brutally hilarious dichotomy that they’ll profess to be secular stewards of the love of Jesus, but are in actuality, duplicitous carries of the spiritual rabies his deadbeat dad crafted.

As you’d reasonably surmise, this virulence in and of itself, manifests within a wide range of delivery forms, but the most popular among the lying lamb league, seems to be the exclusion and degradation of all that they wouldn’t condescend to attempt to understand, even if their faux deity told them to.

In the past, it was mainly Atheists that they tended to despise, but with the advent of social media as well as ta host of sociopolitical movements currently in play, it’s fair to say that their access to a whole new slew of supposed villains has been extended somewhat. And who better to cast as the lead in the repertoire of nefariousness, than those whom you’ve always considered to be immoral?

As if on cue, enter one of the many unelected spokespersons for the American Taliban, a moron named Eric Moutsos, who… [checks notes} Oops. My bad. Turns out Eric, who most assuredly, is a moron of unquestionable certitude, is also in addition, a practicing “Mormon” as well, but I fear that I’m just repeating myself, and mythical Lord knows, I truly hate doing that.

So instead, let’s enjoy some of Eric’s keen observations from deep within the echo chamber of a malevolent ministry that in essence, installs a lifelong case of Stockholm Syndrome into its advents, regarding a culture they and eric obviously know nothing about, despite their seeming obsession with it,

Eric? The metaphorical floor is yours:

Now, at no point in my life would I ever condescend to think that I could advise a deity, especially one that according to the Mormon faith, is seemingly okay with the doctrines of eternal marriage, the practice of baptism for the dead, and the one that reality TV loves so much, the act of polygamy or plural marriage, but if I chose to do so, I’d just have to bluntly ask exactly why, in his position as “God”, people like this Neanderthal neophyte, were the only ones he could seemingly attract to serve as both customer service reps, if not public relations.

C’mon dude. Your dad created man from a handful of dust, but you can’t staff a competent HR department to weed out these dimwitted demagogues before they manage to slither their way onto your payroll? On the one hand, I do get it- the dumber they are, the easier it is to both control and convince them that this fairy-tale cover story run amuck has some credence.

But on the other…aren’t you two celestial icons tired of having to consistently distance yourself from the very same people who claim to love everything you guys supposedly stand for, while unswervingly doing the exact opposite of it all?

Case in point, Eric’s flawed insistence that the LGBTQ Community is linked to either the support of pedophiles, or the very act itself, when the reality is that the ratio of straight pedophiles versus those that are gay, averages out to a ratio of 11-1, and the stereotypical sexually-motivated reprobate, is ironically, not too dissimilar from Eric himself, regardless of cultural, financial, or spiritual status.

This is not to say that Eric in any way, shape, or form, possesses some form of abhorrent sexual deviancy himself, but I would also note that from my perspective as an outside the box observer, that for a self-alleged straight Child of Christ, he’s put what seems to be a Herculean effort into his attempt to validate his miasma of homophobic hysteria, into the concrete of certainty.

As the old saying goes, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire”, and when I witness anyone spending this much time crafting a gay-themed conspiracy-theory in order to reassure one’s own sense of “correct” sexual identity, the need to reinterpret that maxim into the much more relevant take of: “Where there’s rampant Homophobia, there’s a closet queen waiting to discover their unacknowledged Truth”, is literally a conclusion that anyone would logically follow, given the circumstances.

I’m not entirely sure who originally coined the axiom; “Be wary of He who shouts the loudest”, but mark my words, and mark them well, for one day, and this sooner than later, Eric is going to trip over his own willful ignorance, and rather than fall, he’ll find himself gently floating down to the floor, as if he were the first leaf of Autumn, and only then, will both he and society, be better for it.

Or he may miss the floor entirely, as he obviously does in regards to the point of the Pro-Gay movement that clearly terrifies him so much. A heads up, my closet case: gays are not, and I repeat, NOT “coming for your children”, because that designation is solely borne by your party entire. You know, the political entity that’s currently banning books, attempting to turn America into a dictatorial Theocracy, and doing all that it can to ensure that guns remain in schools, while taking actual history and free lunches out of them?

In addition, there is also no “Gay Agenda” either, save for the one where someone’s sexual orientation isn’t regarded as justifiable grounds for harassment, threats, slurs, and societal degradation, by self-righteous and wholly hypocritically hateful Beta-cucks such as yourself. The closest I’ve ever witnessed to this demographic ever having an organized outline in regards to anything, are only whereas brunches, weddings, and house parties are concerned.

But I’m afraid I haven’t given you the full context of who Eric really is, or to be more accurate, was, before bashing the Gay community became an obsession of his. He was in fact, a Salt Lake City Police officer, a job that he was fired from, after asking to be reassigned in relation to working a gay ride event, on the basis of such being offensive to his sense of so-called Faith.

According to Moutsos, doing so got him suspended for “discrimination.”, which he later attempted to explain away in an interview to the Los Angeles Times by saying that; “I love gay people. I love them like I love humanity. I just did not agree with some of the messages in that parade.”

In Eric’s “I’m the real victim here” narrative, he explained that In June of 2014, he was assigned along with several other motorcycle officers, to ride in Utah’s Pride Parade in Salt Lake City. They were to perform what he described as “celebratory circles”, or as us sane viewers of parades call them, “cool motorcycle tricks”. He told his superiors that his religious views made him uncomfortable doing something that suggested he supported the cause, which he does not.

In a public statement acquired by the LAT, Moutsos claimed that his superiors refused his request to work a different part of the event, noting that; “It is unquestionably my duty as a police officer to protect everyone’s right to hold a parade or other event, but is it also my duty to celebrate everyone’s parade?”, an assertion which congenitally overlooks the him doing his job, even if is an obvious PR gambit, does not indicate one’s personal support.

He attempted to defend this homophobia by weaponizing the completely unrelated analogy of race relations by stating to the LAT; “I asked my supervisor, ‘What if an African American officer didn’t want to ride in front of a KKK parade?’ And he said he’d have to do it. That’s when I knew in my heart it was wrong.”

Hmmm… “it was wrong”, says the guy who claims to “love gay people”, and yet, despite a track record of working as security in full uniform to secure the safety of gay and lesbian couples seeking marriage licenses, as well as a highly documented episode of defending a gay couple who were confronted while kissing at the Mormon Temple in SLC, he still felt the need to publicly draw his line in the sand, in regards to a parade where not a soul would care who, or what, he was.

But like most alleged bigots who find themselves unwillingly being skewered in the public eye, Moutsos parlayed his hateful ignorance into a brand new career, serving as the manager of development for the Sutherland Institute, a conservative think tank based in Utah, before creating the company Freedom Blends, a supplement company based on, and I am not making this up, “the principles of Freedom and Liberty.”

Some of their products include, First Amendment Multivitamins, Pro-Life Protein, Commie Cleanse, Sleep Off Socialism, and their flagship #1 product, Freedom Fuel.

And because the guy who has no problems with the LGBTQ Community despite all the evidence to the contrary, is such a people person, he also loves to hold speaking events where, given the YouTube Videos of his that I’ve watched, he blathers ignorantly about topics ranging from the Constitution (which he obviously doesn’t understand) to God’s plans, (which he obviously cherry-picks) for justification of his inanity, as evidenced by this direct quote:

“I love to watch people light up by feeling the spirit of Liberty (2 Cor 3:17). God wants us to be free. He created us to be free. He established America for just that. And if we don’t continue to gather and promote these universal principles, we will lose it all over again. My hope and goal is to not let that happen.”

I’d point out to Captain Not-America here that God plainly mandated that we serv him eternally or face dire consequences for not doing so, which to the educated among us, is literally the antithesis of: “Freedom”, but since it seems that Eric is pretty hopped up on own Commie Cleanse, that conversation will have to wait for now, I guess. Therefore, may I suggest Eric, that you take your faux outrage, and stuff it where eventually one day, your expected for quite some time now boyfriend, will hopefully find it?

Thanks. You’re a peach, if not a seemingly hateful bigoted bitch.

But as you might expect, while I would most certainly write about my interaction with this Christsucker here, I also felt the need to comment on his original post, as is my nature. Keep in mind, that the only thing required for ignorance to take root and spread, is the inaction of those watching it do so unchecked, and I am so not about doing that:

See? I can keep it short when I need to. Although to be fair, I’m of the mindset that if I had used too many words to get my argument across, Eric wouldn’t have understood it to begin with. Case in point one last time, if only to prove that Eric’s self-declared love for Gay people, is just as solid as his grasp on the teachings of Jesus:

Man… you can just feel the love of Cheezus coming through his most loyal of servants, can you not? I won’t speak for you, but I just love it when a hypocrite’s mask falls away from their lying lizard skin-suit, if only for a moment, and reveals who they really are underneath. While Eric’s so-called savior sat with the Lepers, Moutsos uses their modern-day equivalents, as nothing more than a spiteful punchline, veiled in crudity.

However, two can play the snark game as it currently stands, but unlike my Deity to the Dimwitted here, I’ve had far more practice at eating souls, versus selling the gullible ones pointless (if profitable) jars of supplements, so here goes:

In my limited defense, I would like to note that not only am I calling attention to his inherently ignorant bias, I’m also wishing him well during his can’t-come-soon-enough unwilling tenure in Hell. And in an even far more gracious gambit, I go one step further, and warmly recommend some crucial supplies for the trip.

But I am truly curious about one thing though, and that is this: how is it possible to metaphorically masturbate with the very guide book that tells you in no uncertain terms, just how to be a good person, and yet somehow, still miss the entire f**king point of said advice, not just by miles, but by multiple galaxies?

Referencing which, most persons who claim some form of dedicated religiosity, also profess to believe in established reality, despite the obvious contradictions that such loyalty to the theological, would inherently bring to the surface. I truly am sorry, but you can’t believe in the splitting of the atom and the potential of nanotechnology, while still adhering to the dictums of a Bronze-Age collection of fairy-tales, as your factual orientation checklist.

Don’t get me wrong, I myself, would love to be able to blame all of my transgressions on the machinations of a Hellspawn, but unfortunately, Logic and Reason snared me into a mutual three-way several decades ago, and to be honest, it’s been working out great so far being the one who’s solely responsible for my own f**k-ups.

Being a sensible person yourself, you might logically surmise that persons who place their faith in the myth that is the story of Jesus, would be theoretically in line with other forms of magical thinking, but you’d be wrong, for as they like to consistently (if not ironically) point out, they as a whole, don’t give any form pf serious credence to that level of spiritual malarkey:

So to recap, Christians don’t consult Psychics, Ouija Boards, or Mediums, but talking snakes, burning bushes, Angels, and self-declared Prophets allegedly working for an omnipotent and wholly imaginary sky-daddy, are perfectly A-OK to take guidance from in their stead? Got it. But even better than this prime example of unwitting self-ownership, is this following one, that attempts to marry the Modern with the Chalcolithic, and not too surprisingly, falls way short of the intended goalposts:

Label me a cynic, but openly informing us all, that you have confidence that a book of contradictory morality that was transcribed from illiterate goat-herders over the span of several centuries, is an incalculable assist in today’s age of modernity, is akin to my looking at a can of twenty-eight-year-old tuna, and thinking I can pass it off as the freshest of horderves, without the majority of my guests possibly suffering a fatal case of food poisoning.

But to be fair in regards to these Disciples of Dipshi**ery, they actually are very big on encouraging others to read, which normally would be considered an asset for a society intent on bettering its intellectual understanding of the practical at large, but unfortunately as far as said culture is concerned, they’ve only skimmed the source material that they keep pushing upon us, and it shows:

Look… I’ve placed stock in a lot of intangible things over my lifetime, and while some such as the Star Wars prequels have failed my expectations, others, such as the Mad Max cinematic quatrain, have not. But at no point, and regardless of the situation at hand, has the thought ever occurred to me, that I required any form of manifested celestial guidance to overcome the difficulties of a modern-day society.

As a rule, it’s perfectly fine to take some things at face value, but when those things involve proclamations from sentient ether, the intrigues of demons, and the propagation of alleged miracles, not only does logic need to take back the steering wheel from Jesus, it needs to do so, before the metaphorical car finds itself driving off either the proverbial cliff, or into an innocent family of four.

With no due respect, I’m fairly confident that if challenged, I could easily prove my assertion that most modern-day Christians are as familiar with the contextual content of the Bible, as Donald Trump is with unblemished ethics and the practice of marital fidelity.

I make this reference to the World’s Angriest Creamsicle, not out of a need to make an easy joke, but for the fact that just in case you missed it somehow, the Christian Alt-Wrong as of late, have fully tossed aside their originally cast Savior and his teachings, in favor of a modern-day Golden Calf, and his moronic miasma of mental obesity.

This in turn, has led to nothing less than the formation of a virulent cult that willingly, has sworn its unquestioning allegiance to laud Hate over Hope, Conservatism over Common Sense, and to endorse the unhinged demands of a mango-tinted man-child over the needs of Mankind.

And in this regard, they’re certainly not shy about letting their duplicitous stance be known, despite its level of outright if not duplicitous blasphemy, and all I need do to certify this POV of mine, is to just let their own words and actions, speak for themselves:

You do see the inherent problem here, do you not?  Other than the direct threat to the faceless cabal who are allegedly, are “attacking” Derek’s preferred president, there’s also the ludicrous inference that Trump, a known serial adulterer. liar, con-man, coward, and narcissistic sexual deviant, is somehow now, an “anointed prophet” whose life is based in serving the mercurial whims of the mythical Lord above, rather than himself.

That checks out, right? Because when I think “Warrior for Christ”, the first person that comes to mind is this mango-tinted, if not far more obese, version of Judas Iscariot. Let me put it this way- if Trump had been a guest at the Last Supper, not only would he have sold Jesus out to the highest bidder, he would have made sure to steal the silverware as well, right after he stiffed Jesus for the check, on his way out the door.

Not to mention, Derek’s casually arrogant transgression in regards to Deuteronomy 18:22, is also something we should pay attention to, because I can assure you, that if God did indeed exist, he sure as hell would: “When a prophet speaketh in the name of the Lord, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the Lord hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him.”

Essentially, what it transcribes as in common English, is this: “Hi Derek. God here, and I really need you to both stop putting words in my mouth, and to shut the f**k up as well, for if I were to pick a champion, I sure as hell wouldn’t pick a guy who uses the Ten Commandments as a wrapper for his hush payments to pornstars.”

If there is one aspect that I find to be truly vile about the ever-mutating face of modern Christianity, it’s the rebranding of its worst transgressional hypocrites being lauded as the purest of its spiritual seers, and the shoehorning of Trump into the chair once reserved for Jesus alone, is quite possibly the greatest con-job that the Religious Alt-Right has ever succeeded at carrying across the finish line.

Next to the fantastically absurd concept of an all-knowing deity sitting in judgement above us, that is. I do have to admit however begrudgingly, that placing Trump as the political embodiment of the right hand of God while wholly insane, does still make sense when viewed from inside the bubble of his movement’s bloviating bogusness.

He’s everything they themselves wish to be: vulgar, cretinous, selfish, hypocritically lecherous, and seemingly free of consequences related to his abominable actions. In other words, today’s modern interpretation of spiritual sanctity. I would also say “rich”, but since his lifestyle is blatantly financed by his brain-dead disciples, I’ll leave that off the table for now. So, just how do these so-called moral persons rationalize this obvious contradiction to their Faith versus their political ideology?

Well, they simply do what all lucid deep thinkers do when faced with an unwinnable paradoxical situation, they ignore it completely, and assume that all will work out for the best in the end, because when it gets right down to the brass tacks, the overall long-term memory of his cult is pretty much akin to a goldfish that played professional football… without a helmet:

I’ve said it before, and mythical God knows I will find myself saying it again, but if Herr Twitler here was seriously the best draft pick that He could find to run the American division of his six-day creative splurge, He either needs to find a better temp agency to lease employees from, or just start going directly to Satan himself, in order to cut out the inefficient middle men.

I for one, have always enjoyed the faux representation of determined machismo that the Vanilla Vanguard awards to the man who can’t take on his critics face to face, but place an I-Phone in the center of his tiny little hands, and you’d swear you were dealing with the ghost of Leonidas himself.

And when they’re not overlooking his blatant lacking courage, they’re depicting him as the very essence of an Übermensch made flesh, which to be fair, he does have a lot of, even if it is overall, reminiscent of one attached to a diseased Oompa Loompa. Now, when these hordes of desperately photo shopping fan-boys get such unfounded propaganda “right”, the image produced can be nothing short of … well, epic, actually:

Look at this. Just LOOK at it. It exudes Confidence. Bravery. Resoluteness. And even better, the armor almost hides that giant-ass land mass that he wittily refers to as his stomach. Granted, the head swap comes off as a special effect produced by the same digital effects team that were responsible for the James Bond paragliding scene in “Die Another Day”, but hey, in order to whitewash a fascist, sometimes ya’ gotta break a few laws of artistic perspective, I guess.

But as it is with all matters of propagandist outreach, it can also go so horribly wrong as well, and nothing ties in this observation of mine, quite like this depiction what happens when faux Faith and political abomination get it on behind a Cracker Barrel, and then give birth to the resultant baby just outside the front gates of a Trump rally:

I quite literally, have no words to accurately describe the feeling of “WhatInTheHolyF**kIsThis?”, that I’ am currently experiencing concerning this horrific homage to hilariously misplaced imagery. I mean… we see our lineup of American heroes, resplendent with patriotism, ready to engage in fierce battle with what I can only assume, is an enemy hopefully susceptible to dying from laughter, and all upcoming jokes aside, it’s seriously weirder than anything I’ve ever seen, as far as this sort of delusional demagoguery goes.

Let’s take stock, if we may- we have the late John Wayne, standing steadfast with his six-gun at the ready, and on the opposite side, the Americanized version of Jesus, draped with the colors that don’t run, unless of course, there’s nothing for us to exploit from where we landed, holding what looks like an earth-shooed grenade, because let’s face it, if you possess all the power of Creation within you as if it were the Gauntlet of Thanos, your most effective weapon will be the one that you would never think to use, right from the start.

However, I will cut JC some slack here, because much like how the Force is arbitrarily utilized by the Jedi, his powers only work whenever the plot seemingly demands it. I could, if were less of a cynic, suggest that maybe the Son of Man’s abilities can only be unleashed in the presence of true believers, but if that were indeed true, then all those prayers that have been pointlessly uttered since the dawn of time, surely would have been answered in full by now, right?

If I were to assess the effectiveness of modern-day Christianity to actually affect change given this parameter, I’d infer that it’s just like Voodoo, but with extra Caucasian added in, if only to improve its marketability towards a wider audience..

irrespectively, the true genius of this Alt-Wrong masturbatory morass, is the depiction of the mango-tinted man-child standing at its visual center, which is somewhat appropriate, considering his pathological need to always be the center of attention to begin with. While some of you mat-y think that the most dangerous place casually stand would be on any random street corner in Downtown Detroit, I’d respectfully disagree, and state that in my opinion, the greatest threat to one’s personal safety would be to inadvertently find oneself caught between Trump and a cable TV news crew.

Given the hallucinatory vibe emanating from within this paint by meth at home starter kit, Trump’s representation is still the most bizarre aspect being portrayed, tiny hands down.

As an outside observer to this madness, I get why John Wayne is there, (AMERICAN RESILIENCE!) I get why Jesus is there, (AMERICA IS GOD’S FAVORITE COUNTRY!) but past the point of lazily engineered propaganda geared towards the slack-brained, it makes no sense as to why Trump is. I mean, he’s not a Christian, he’s not a Patriot, nor a true leader of Men, and let’s be honest here, he looks goddamn stupid as f**k, whenever he attempts to act as if he’s down with the blue collars, as evidenced below:

Seriously. What in the hell is happening here? Is he passing a kidney stone? Did he accidentally sit on his undersized mushroom of a penii? Or is it just that the mere thought of an honest day’s work, causes him to be violently ill to his overly corpulent gut? Good questions all, but sadly, they’re for another time, methinks.

But I must give credit where credit is due, and give mad props to this artistic experiment as a whole, because despite its absurdity, the artist nailed his subjects perfectly, and did so, with ten-foot spikes. Not only did he cast the perfect setting for this delusion and fantastical battle for the very soul of America in front of the White House, he accurately displayed with no small amount of panache, Trump’s penchant for lecherously dry-humping defenseless American flags, as well.

And right in front of Jesus, no less. Say what you will, but that’s some brass eggs being cast right there, even if dually, they are the size of a dehydrated jellybean. What I find truly hilarious though, is the fact that Trump’s facial expression in both sets of imagery, is almost identical:

Now, while I’m certain that this is no more than a bizarre coincidence, it’s still quite odd, given the number of images that the artist could have used for reference, and yet, he/she/they still chose, and this apparently on purpose, the one that in my eyes, makes him look like a constipated bullfrog having an orgasm.

However, I’m still genuinely puzzled as to what the artist was trying to convey here- Trump who one would assume, is in charge of the allegorical skirmish, is also the only one without the ability or the courage to do so.

Keep in mind, this craven not only dodged the draft with invented bone spurs, he also refused to testify in regards to both the Mueller Investigation and the J6 Committee, and when recently subpoenaed to present testimony in a NYC-based fraud prosecution, he took the 5th no less than 440 times.

But yeah… the mango man-child, is the Chosen One, destined to enter the fray of battle, and emerge victorious against all who would dare oppose him. Note that I said “Him”, because he sure as hell doesn’t care about anyone else save himself, and when it comes to this country… well, it’s probably akin to being one of his ex-wives- he’ll use us for the tax deduction, but he’s okay if we have to be dead first, if that’s what’s required for him to qualify.

This mix of politics and quasi-religion is nothing new by American standards, [See; “Reaganism”] but I’d dare say that it’s never been nearly as virulent as it currently is now.

And the people who mainline it as if it were I let loose inside a Ding Dong factory, are quite literally, just a debunked conspiracy theory away from going full cuckoo, as evinced by this not-insane-at-all observational post, from a person whom I can only hope after briefly interacting with him, has no easy access to anything even remotely resembling an arsenal.

In advance, I apologize for its length, if not its sheer insanity, but sometimes ya gotta break a chicken farm’s worth of eggs, to make an oblivious omelet:

Wow. Just… wow.

Granted, there’s a lot to unpack here, but I still find myself leaning towards the assessment that Democrats are “terroristic tyrant terrorists terrorizing our freedom of speech” as the best unhinged tongue twister that has ever been crafted by a brain this cracked, their obviously twitching hands down. What can I say? I just love delusional word play, and there’s plenty to be found within this mental breakdown masquerading as a religious fugue.

What I’m not digging however, other than the bad grammar, muddled rationale, and inherent paranoia, is the barely contained seething rage directed towards all things unfamiliar by this eventual cautionary tale to society, if not the several differing agencies of law enforcement. I say this due to Andre’s numerous references to Death and the waging of War, that he’s sprinkled throughout his rant as if they were cancer croutons.

If one looks closely at the compiled list of Andre’s metaphorical issues with today’s society, coupled with his deliberate perverting of the Word into a weaponized cudgel to justify going after everyone and everything that Andre detests, ranging from Democrats (of course) to Gender Awareness, (naturally) it becomes fairly obvious that somewhere along the line, the once gleaming pinnacle of his Faith has besmirched zealotry.

And while it’s exceedingly rare for me to seriously and non-sarcastically, suggest that any of the persons I write about pose a potential threat to the citizenry around them, but if I were to do so just this once, Andre here, would-be at the top of my go-to list for a long-overdue mental evaluation and this, most definitely within the confines of a secured room wallpapered in the manner of a fortified bouncy castle.

And naturally of course, I just had to infer that in my retort, albeit in the nicest way possible:

Never let it be said that even with my overbearing sense of inherent cynicism, that I can’t be concerned about the mental well-being of others. And Andre, being such a noble paragon of his alleged Faith, made sure to display as much of it as humanly possible, in a response that could do no thong less than make Jesus openly weep that Ander was mistakenly recruited to play for his team:

Damn. That is harsh, is it not? No wonder Jesus ducks Andre’s friend requests, as if they were a cadre of Roman legionnaires camped outside his resurrection cave. Now as to what this Mormon moron is referring to in regards to his wordplay, is the concept of Reprobation, which in Christian theology, is a dogmatic belief which imparts that a person can reject the gospel to such a point that God in turn, rejects them and curses their conscience, which is ironic, since God himself seems to lack one of any note.

However, Andre wasn’t done taking a cue or two from his sociopathic Sky-daddy just quite yet, and decided that he most certainly needed for some strange reason, to prove just how far he could get his own head down the rabbit hole, and up his own ass:

If this is the best spiritual warriors that God can recruit for his “A” team, it makes perfect sense then that his “B” squad is comprised mostly of people whose home decorating taste resembles that of a Hobby Lobby located inside the bathrooms of Forever 21. But all jokes aside, Andre, for all of his obvious intellectual flaws, does represent rather succinctly, just what modern-day Christianity has become- hateful, unhinged, and given the right circumstances and odious guidance, possibly dangerous.

And realizing this, I did what I always do when dealing with someone who might be dangerously compromised intellectually- I poked him with a stick:

Once again, I’d like to call attention to my concern for both Andre and the court-ordered professionals, who most certainly, will be dealing with him down the road. I told you I was nice. Somedays, it’s like you don’t know me at all. But this kind of disturbed clapback such as it is, only serves to reinforce the proof of the disconnection that these blasphemous blockheads have in concern to both Logic and Humanity, and no matter where you throw your gaze, you’ll see the definitive indication of such, almost everywhere:

But after such a rather disturbing run of commentary, I do believe that collectively, we could use a small injection of the patently absurd, so I’d like to ease in to this newest of topics, by starting off our Carousel of Crazy with a far-lighter and humorous first installment

Before I dive in to this fantastical fever-dream with my usual sensitivity and assessment, some background context first, if I may: Mr. Woodford here, was in medical terms, “clinically dead”, a condition generally put in play by cardiac arrest, wherein there is termination of both blood circulation and breathing, which as we all know, are somewhat important in maintaining the continuance of one’s life.

When it comes to what is defined as a stereotypical case of clinical death, the progression is as follows: consciousness is lost within several seconds, while assessable brain activity ceases within 20 to 40 seconds. As the episode of CD advances, the risk of ischemic injury, which can cause potentially fatal blood clotting issues in regards to the body’s vital organs and tissues, is a constant concern. Granted, while blood flow can be stopped in the entire body (below the heart) for up to 30 minutes, the danger of permanent damage to the spinal cord, cannot be taken lightly.

Interestingly, while bone, tendons, and skin, can survive within a range of 8 to 12 hours, I’d suggest however, that if one has been turned into the mental equivalent of a carrot or more accurately, that of the intellectual void possessed by your standard Trump voter, then maybe accepting Death at face value, would really be the best option to go with, overall.

To note: I don’t believe in “near-death” experiences, given the fact that I’ve had two serious brushes with Death itself, and walked away with zero tales to tell, and when it comes to those who claim that they’ve been to Heaven, Valhalla, Ioka, or a Chili’s that serves truly edible food, I give even less credence, but I digress. However, despite my inherent and valid cynicism, if thinking magically truly brings you joyful purpose, then far be it from me to deflate your sadly delusional bubble,

That having been said, if you’ve had such an experience, and place your stock in that it was a divine vision over that of it being a far more credible organic hallucination brought on by the trauma of the traumatic event that put you in that position, I’m afraid my skepticism will eventually rise to the surface somewhat. Here’s the rub, as it were- if afterwards it causes you to seriously reevaluate some things in your life for the better, I honestly think that’s nothing but a positive.

On the other hand, however, if it turns you into a wandering prophet spreading a message of cheerfully disingenuous lunacy, I ain’t getting in bed with that, no matter how good your sales pitch is. If you’ve truly been to the Promised land, and all that you can describe to me is that the Golden fields were running amuck with babies and horses, I’m going to be very disappointed, unless within that declaration, you can also inform me, that said horses were riding the babies bareback, as their eternal reward for putting up with humans riding them. .

Given the rumor that Satan has complimentary lap dancers for new arrivals, and with only a three-drink minimum and no cover charge as well, you’re really going to need to bring your “A” game, if you want to get me willingly wading across the river Styx. And that in large part, is due to just how divisively spiteful so-called Christians present themselves to be:

How would he know” you’re a fake Christian, KC? Well, my first guess would probably be based on the actions and words of yours that they’ve observed, but that’s just me going for the blatantly obvious choice. But I’m sure that like all things, it’s just a matter of opinion, right? In fact, I’m sure with just a little research, I could easily prove that you’re a fine upstanding person of impeccable morality:

Oops. My bad. Never mind. Once again, for persons who declare from the rooftops that they’re all about practicing kindness, they do seem fairly touchy most of the time when called to do so, don’t they? But I’d hate for you to go away empty-handed, as you’re already dangerously empty-headed, KC, so let me grant you some advice and a personal observation.

First, it’s spelled “Atheist”, and second, if there ever was a (proxy)moron, it most certainly, is you.

Moving on, we come to the next interesting character quirk about the Religious Wrong, and that, is their declared propensity for dually fetishizing and justifying the threat of violence, whenever they’re challenged in respect to their thin as onion-skin principles. For people who allegedly serve an icon that promotes acceptance, love, tolerance, and fellowship, modern-day Christians seem far too eager to want to put a cap in somebody’s ass regardless of the supposed level of the provocation involved:

Despite Jesus saying in Matthew 5:44 that “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you”, today’s ever-increasingly psychotic defenders of the faith such as our future headline Koerner here, are just looking for a fight, even if they have to invent both it and the adversary that they’ll need to serve as the scapegoat for its fomentation.

I don’t wish to cast my net of aspersion far and wide, but I have serious reservations concerning the ability of people who willingly pose for selfies like this, and whom, as rumor has it, can’t pass a Confederate flag without touching themselves, of possessing the mental aptitude necessary to successfully overthrow the standing Federal government:Yup… nothing to see here folks, save for yet another garden variety American sociopath, taking a casual stroll through the cesspits of the Interweb, on his way to making yet another bad decision, based on nothing more than misplaced anger, stunning ignorance, and quite possibly, the undiagnosed after effects of being your own father.

This right here boys and girls, is what the underbelly of the Religious Wrong rests on- the self-declared moral righteousness of the testicleless twits that comprise not only the nucleus of the Gravy Seals and Meal Team Six, but also the putrid prophets of faux patriotism, who after they’ve taken America from the clutches of said imaginary enemies, will turn it back into the full-blown Theocracy that it never was.

For the record, both of these cultural impediments represent the Genocide, Slavery, Elitism, Misogyny, Racism, and Colonization that this was country was corruptly founded on, and the Bible represents the velvet glove that was used to jam said moral contradictions down the allegorical throats of everyone who wanted a far more equitable society.

Guns are the enforcement aspect of the hypocritical hydra, and as for the Bible, it serves as the propaganda that attempts to soothe and distract the embattled mass, as it disingenuously rationalizes as to why the force that’s being applied, as unfortunately so necessary. However, I would like to, if I may, hasten to correct the false narrative that’s being depicted here- Liberals do want to “get rid of” Guns or Religion.

What we do want, is to keep the damaging effects of both virulent ideologies that underpin them, out of our personal lives and decisions, our schools, and most importantly, our government and its judicial process. And as an aside, if you’re so adamantly confident that Jesus walks in lockstep with you at all times, then why is there a need for you strap on a substitute penii to simply go get a cup of coffee? 

I didn’t think that I’d ever have to say this in print, or even to myself for that matter, but when I, the atheist, engages in picturing Jesus, I tend to envision him acting far more like this:

And not at all in the manner that these pustular purveyors of the Word so proudly tend to do:

Aside from the ludicrousness of the message contained within this asinine and blasphemous absurdity, there’s also the issue of a supposedly devout Christian, altering the Word pf God itself, in clear violation of Matthew 12:36-37: “But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”

Why is this an issue you ask? Well, other than being known for his prissiness in expecting his overburdened creations to slavishly and unquestionably follow his contradictory edicts, God also hates it when you deliberately misquote him, as well.

What Corinthians 15:3 actually says is; “For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures”, which even from a non-believers POV is as about as far away from the actual message that you can get, in my humble opinion, as this prime example of Christian tolerance shows:
Nevertheless, as far as taking broad artistic license goes, if it has to be done in the future, I’d suggest taking this approach next time, as it’s far less disturbed, if not dead-on accurate:

But leave it to the dimwitted dispellers that are modern-day Christians, to further misinterpret what at best, was already a crazy-sack of half-baked moral conundrums, and present it to the uninterested world entire as a sane philosophy and a refuge for the unwarrantedly self-righteous, even if all evidence to the contrary, lifestyle tends to show up long before their point for promoting such, ever does:

If I may, a few observations? As it is with all demagogues clawing at the parapets of relevance, this is simply yet another attempt to justify their own beliefs and biases, using the carefully cherry-picked narrative of the Word to serve as an ersatz form of evidentiary backup.

Let me remind you all, that it’s common knowledge that the earliest prototype of what would later become the equivalent of today’s modern-era gun, was invented in China, somewhere around the year of 1000 AD.

1000 AD. Let’s think about that, shall we?

For the non-mathematicians among us, that’s a full millennia after Jesus’s supposed death. To note, swords are not guns, and vice-versa, and for those of us whose brains still work, we already know this to be true, but as Christians, deliberately manipulating the fabric of reality into the fantastical edicts of a magical sky-daddy, is just oar for the course, so why should this gross distortion of Jesus’ intent, come as any surprise?

The full text of the passage displayed within this meme, is as follows: “That ye may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom, and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren. And he said unto him, Lord, I am ready to go with thee, both into prison, and to death.

And he said, I tell thee, Peter, the cock shall not crow this day, before that thou shalt thrice deny that thou knowest me. And he said unto them, When I sent you without purse, and scrip, and shoes, lacked ye any thing? And they said, Nothing. Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. For I say unto you, that this that is written must yet be accomplished in me,

And he was reckoned among the transgressors: for the things concerning me have an end. And they said, Lord, behold, here are two swords. And he said unto them, It is enough.”

So, what exactly does all of this actually mean in the end? According to actual Biblical scholars, such as David Lertis Matson, Luke 22:38 often functions, [and I quote his work directly] “in a symbiotic relationship with Luke 22:51 to rein- force the picture of Jesus as a principled pacifist. If Jesus is countenancing some sort of violent action, his rebuke at his arrest makes it clear that he rejects the way of violence altogether.”

And for those of you not familiar with Luke 22:51, it says this: “And Jesus answered and said, Suffer ye thus far. And he touched his ear, and healed him.”

Call me crazy here, but this hardly seems like the appropriate response of a man who allegorically, was openly preaching the doctrine of being locked and loaded, just before finding himself betrayed by one of his own. Looking right at you, Judas. And doing so, right after Jesus picked up the tab (plus the tip) for dinner?

Dick move, Judy. Dick move.

Speaking of which, there’s also the matter of the erroneous visualization of what the 2nd Amendment actually says as well. While it does grant citizens the right to bear arms, it is also fairly specific as to why that is:; “A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

Read that again. Nowhere within this sacred to faux patriots’ text, does it certify that you can have guns to solely substitute for your lack of a marginal penii, nor does it require them for you to go get your coffee. The purpose ol a personal, and as I might point out, “WELL-REGULATED” armory, is to defend the continuing liberty of the Free State, and NOTHING ELSE.  

In fact, the late Former Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court, Warren Burger, once argued that the sale, purchase, and use of guns should be regulated just as automobiles and boats are regulated; such regulations, would not violate the Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. In an interview he granted PBS in 1991, Burger commented that; “The gun lobby’s interpretation of the Second Amendment is one of the greatest pieces of fraud, I repeat the word fraud, on the American People by special interest groups that I have seen in my lifetime.”

Expanding upon his estimation in an op-ed that he wrote for The Associated Press about the Bill of Rights in the same year, he stated that; “the real purpose of the Second Amendment was to ensure that state armies, the militia, would be maintained for the defense of the state. The very language of the Second Amendment refutes any argument that it was intended to guarantee every citizen an unfettered right to any kind of weapon he or she desires.”

Wise words. And from a Conservative, no less. Nevertheless, I’d suggest that it’s unreasonable on any level for us normies, to expect that people who accessorize their one true god with a fully-stocked angelic arsenal, are ever going to be able to successfully delineate their malevolent merging of these two highly contradictory and dogmatic philosophies.

And as usual, I will happily provide a case in point:

Well. This is an overstuffed cornucopia of cracked, is it not?

It quite literally, has all the things- evil agendas, disingenuous leaders, and an impassioned plea for God, the Father of All, who preaches love, acceptance, and tolerance, to get personally involved, and help in the effort to celestially turn my now native New Mexico home, into a war zone reminiscent of the Wastelands depicted within the world of Mad Max.

Nonetheless, I am open to the theoretical concept that I could be the one in the wrong here. as maybe these paragons of morality, really do have a legitimate need for stockpiling so many guns in the name of their wholly invented and faux deity. For according to them, as we shall see, they exist 24/7 in a constant state of siege, defending themselves against a world that wishes nothing less than their total subjugation:

I’m not entirely sure how to break it to Brian here, but Christ has as much to do with Christmas, as I have to do with Milla Jovovich’s sex life, despite my many requests to be involved with its planning committee on some tangible level. I’m kidding of course, because mythical Lord knows, those restraining order case reviews can be a real witch, even on the best of days.

Now, while Christmas has been a federally recognized holiday in America since 1870, its true origins go back further still, and not too surprisingly, they have nothing to do with the myth of Christ. I won’t delve too deeply in regards to the details here, for lack of both time and fear for my remaining sanity, but what we celebrate in this day and age, was insured by the many traditions surrounding the Winter Solstice.

In Scandinavia, the Norse celebrated “Yule” from the 21st of December through the entire month of January, in recognition of the return of the Sun. Germany, on the other mittened hand, honored the pagan god Odin instead. As they were convinced that Odin undertook night-time flights to observe his people, so that he could judge [as if he were the harshest of Santas] whether they should thrive or die, many of his believers willingly chose to keep a low profile during this period.

But the medal for party of the year, just has to be given to the Romans, who not only celebrated Saturnalia, [which paid homage to Saturn, the Roma god of agriculture] they got down with Juvenalia as well, which was a repast that honored the children of Rome. As far as blow-outs go, Saturnalia was the OG of them all- commencing in the week leading up to the winter solstice, it would go on for a full month, and was decidedly, due to its hedonistic nature and underpinnings, as unchristian as you could get.

So, given this background info, how was this swinging good time co-opted by some of the most uptight people on Earth? Well, as it turns out, In the initial years of Christianity, Easter was the holiday BMIC (Big Man In Church), and yet ironically, the birth of Jesus wasn’t even a considered footnote, whereas the overall celebration was concerned.

However, that all changed in the 4th Century, when church authorities decided to celebrate the birth of Jesus, despite the glaring and wholly inconvenient reality, that regardless of iteration, the Bible does not mention the date of his birth at all. This awkward lack of notation was later weaponized by the Puritans, in order to cast derision upon the validity of said holiday.

Given the presence of sheep herding in his origin story, some scholars have proposed that if such a person ever existed, his actual birthday would most likely be sometime in the Spring, because what Shepard in his right mind, wants to be doing so in the dead of winter? 

It is generally ascribed however, that the actual reason why Pope Julius I elected December 25 as the date of Jesus’ birth, was it being part of a calculated move in which, the traditions of the paganistic Saturnalia celebrations would be eventually amalgamated, but without its less savory proclivities occurring in tandem.

Obviously, David doesn’t know, (or care to know) any of this, hence the reason why his false perception concerning his false deity being robbed of his falsely attributed holiday, truly bothers him so much. But I’m not going to split too many of David’s hairs here, because it’s also fairly apparent, that he’s always had the wrong idea of what Christmas actually is or truly represents, for most of his life.

I’ll address the salient points as they occur to me, and hopefully by the time I’m done, my new friend David will not only be far happier regarding the ever-changing meaning of Christmas, but whereas his limited knowledge is concerned, I’ll endeavor as well to leave him a little bit smarter than when I initially discovered him.

I’d start with what I just proved using verifiable research, that Christ has as much to do with the celebration that is Christmas, very much in the same way that Nickelback has to do with the creation of listenable music. Following that, I’d also inform Saint Dick here, that nobody on this planet truly worries about offending a demographic of thin-skinned hypocrites who get their metaphorical testes twisted out of line every year, over the fact that once more, their local Starbucks didn’t get their holiday cups “Jesusy” enough for them.

Now as to his query of why people celebrate Christmas, if they’re not submissively unquestioning lambs of Christ, I think the answer is obvious; IT’S THE GIFTS, MOTHERF**KER. IT’S THE GIFTS. Sure, there’s also the additional bonus of the home-cooked food, as well as the family traditions, but the Artbitch here, is strictly invested for the gift cards and the possibility of adding to my collection of Star Wars toys.

Regardless, I do understand why David is so upset with us alleged basement Satanists, supposedly taking away “his” holiday, for it’s the one time of the year where his unbridled pretentiousness can run amuck and take unprovoked faux offense at everything he deems as inappropriately non-secular within his limited purview. But in the end, he really shouldn’t, because as I’ve already clarified, if you and Jesus are truly bonded, nothing in this world of the material, should really bother you one iota.

In fact, if David truly was a devoted disciple of his self-claimed sociopathically demented demagogue, he’d be akin to Ebenezer Scrooge, the titular character of Charles Dickens’, “A Christmas Carol”, who after being shown the error of his previously insular ways, vows that; “I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.”

See David? The answer to your imaginary issue, was to be found in the book all along. Unfortunately for you, and much like the Bible that you’ve never cracked open, you haven’t read that one, either.

Moving on, we arrive at our next stop of delusional doublethink, courtesy of David’s fellow Christian-in-name only, one Mr. John Haniford. I’ve referenced Haniford before in a prior screed*, due to his penchant for comments both racist and homophobic, but histheorem as to why one should “believe’ in God, may be one of my favorite comments from this walking contradiction for Christ, hands down:
*[Artbitch Archive: May, 2022: “Conspiracy Drearies Pt. 2 (Transpotting)”

In case you missed the truly dizzying intellect on display here, Haniford suggests that even if you have serious doubts concerning or questioning, the existence of God, you should still worship him nevertheless, and I mean this literally, “just in case” you happen to be wrong.

Looking at it objectively, that is a truly compelling gambit to sell me wholesale on being in subjugation to a sociopath for the run of my natural life, based on the unwarranted hope that when I get to Heaven, I might have a shot at the ,late Tawny Kitaen.

Or it would be, if I was a complete f**king idiot. And as for the former Mrs. David Coverdale of Whitesnake fame, say what you will about her thespian theatrics, but I will go to my grave openly declaring this was the best hair metal girl of all time. All of my 80’s fan-boying aside, I still need to address Haniford’s somewhat disingenuous take concerning the application of slavish faith, so let me start with his premise as a collective whole.

If I follow the gist of Haniford’s proposition, it infers that I should spend my life entire, submissively groveling at the unworthy feet of a mercurial schizoid, lest I find myself dammed for all of eternity for not basing my very existence itself in fear of such.

Not only will I take a hard pass regarding this abject stupidity, I’ll go one better, and check off all the things listed that I’m not supposed to do as well, because as I’ve previously noted, spending my time with persons like Haniford in perpetuity, really isn’t the selling point that he might think it is.

To quote the song “The Wages of Sin” as written by the highly underrated Texas band the Rainmakers; “The wages of sin, the reward of fear, Is worrying and fretting every second of the year- If Heaven is guilt, no sex and no show, then I’m not sure if I really want to go.”

Call me crazy if you must, but to attempt selling me on upending my current existence in order to appease a never-seen, never-heard, and never-experienced sky-daddy, seems like a colossal act of deliberate self-delusion at best, and a disturbing and undiagnosed case of severe mental illness, at its worst.

However, as I am quite the reasonable person, I’ll make Hanford a deal- the day I can walk out of a courtroom scot-free after committing a crime, based on my openly stating that either “God forgives me”, or “the Devil made me do it”, that is the day I will happily covert to ascribing to Haniford’s White Voodoo cult, and I’ll even be willing to buy all of the garbage that comes with it, in order to atone for all of my previously imaginary sins.

Nevertheless, until that most glorious of days arrives, replete with its expected herald of Angels, my newest BFF Haniford here, is cordially invited to go take a flying f**k at a rolling doughnut, and call us square.

But as with all things, total and willing immersion within the unholy Waters of Wackadoo, will in time, eventually turn your intellect into a shriveled prune, and to close off this latest screed of mine, I’ll leave you with two prime examples of such to bolster this theorem of mine. First up, let’s meet a person who best exemplifies just why you’re not supposed to seriously consider producing your Meth using the application of an EZ-Bake oven:
Let me just go over the list here, if I may: is there incoherent babbling in literary form? Check. Are there abominable grammar, spelling, and sentence structuring errors as well? Check. And finally, does the entirety of said statement read as if they’re auditioning for the lead role in a remake of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”? Yup, a clean sweep across the board. Job well done, I must say.

But as insane as that is, there’s still far better evidence that these people live in a bubble of their own making, and this time around it’s one Samuel E. Tolley III, who brings us this deep brain-fried nugget of Christian love, faith, and tolerance, albeit one that’s been dipped repeatedly in a spicy WTF sauce:

Now, I know it’s been several decades since I regularly attended church, but if this is what’s on the current roster for Sunday services, those Houses of Worship sound lit as f**k. Minus the child sacrifice of course, because a man has to draw a line somewhere, even if every now and then, I’d like to see the consistently shrieking brat across the street get launched to Venus, using the services of a Trebuchet.

Tolley, who just so happens to be the author of a quaint little tome titled; “Enemy of Christ Revelation 21:8” which according to its online description, asks the ever-so-important question; “Are you a friend or an enemy of Christ?”, is definitely one to be considered for a future insertion in a secured room wallpapered in bubble wrap, given his absurdly asinine misinterpretation of what Christianity actually is, and what he erroneously thinks it’s valid detractors represent.

One of the things that I’ve always found curious in respect to the interpretation of religion, regardless of whatever aspect of it is represented, is just how some of its adherents manage to take an otherwise openly positive message of Love, Peace, and Inclusiveness, and deliberately mangle it, into a virulent and potentially violent memorandum of malevolence.

One of the things that I’ve always found curious in respect to the interpretation of religion, regardless of whatever aspect of it is represented, is just how some of its adherents manage to take an otherwise openly positive message of Love, Peace, and Inclusiveness, and deliberately mangle it into a virulent and potentially violent memorandum of malevolence.

There’s an old saying that declares that; “Third time’s the Charm”, but if this applies to Tolley, I can inky shudder at what his two previous iterations must have espoused.

To note, what Tolley is referencing in his straight to the obscurity bin book’s title, is this: “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”:

I could drop some serious shade here, concerning this biblical passage, by inferring that it’s no more than a detailed listing of the required characteristics to be considered a role model in the modern-day GQP,  but I think I’ll take the high road instead, and point out that by referencing this for his tepid tome, Tolley has perfectly positioned himself, as nothing less than the hypocrite’s go-to hypocrite.

Why do I say this? Let me count the ways: first, he supports a party that not only routinely defends or even worse, promotes persons of moral ambiguousness to run for higher office, despite the taint of their being accused and/or convicted, of a host of serious crimes, ranging from sexual assault to domestic violence.

Second, in a blatant case of calling the pot black, several of Trump’s political associates, such as Ruben Verastigui, Ronald Williams II, Adam Hageman, Caleb Bailey, George Nader, Ralph Shortey, Tim Nolan, Ben Gibson, Richard Ciccarella, and Anton Lazzaro, to name just a few, have all been charged with, or convicted for, sexually-related offenses, ranging from child sex trafficking, to possession of child pornography.

Third, Tolley’s chosen political home also invested a great deal of time and media coverage in the lauding of unrepentant murderers such as Kyle Rittenhouse, who gunned down three people (killing two) at a protest in Kenosha, Wisconsin, as well as decrying the conviction of a former Minneapolis cop turned convicted killer, Derek Chauvin, who willingly asphyxiated a handcuffed suspect by the name of George Floyd, over the course of ten agonizing minutes

This cold-blooded act of authoritarian abuse, led to worldwide protests against the current epidemic that is police brutality, but yes, my Troll-House kooky… it’s the Democrats who are in league with the allegorical Devil in these truly dark times. From an outsider’s perspective, Tolley’s list of imaginary transgressions that he slurs the Democrats with, is quite disturbing overall, but when measured against the moral atrocities that his God has engineered, it pales by contrast. Let’s compare the score sheets, if we may.

Child Sacrifice:  God seems cool with it, for as it is noted in 2 Kings 2:24:When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two female bears came out of the woods and TORE UP FORTY-TWO lads of their number.” And let’s not overlook Genesis 22: where God commands Abraham; “Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and OFFER HIM there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.”

Say what you will, but when taken at face value, God’s worth as a potential babysitter, should probably be centered somewhere between Freddy Kreuger and Albert Fish, if you take into account as you should, his penchant for murdering his creations wholesale.

Sodomy: Man, oh man, do Christians hate this sexual act or what? In the abstract, the implication one can glean from examining the relevant passages referencing it within the Bible itself, is that it has far less to do with its stereotypical homosexual connotation, as it tends to be used as a descriptive for both the act of rape and the attempt, to do so as declared in Genesis 9:20–27, and 19:1–11. Prostitution has also been associated with this act in tandem, as noted within the texts of Leviticus 18:22, 20:13, 1 Corinthians 6:9–10, and Timothy 1:10.

And for people who claim to hate the practice so much, it does seem like an awful lot of Christians are morbidly fascinated with the intricacies of unfettered ass-play, regardless of what other sins may be up for discussion at the time. I’m sure that there’s nothing there worth sharing with the class. At least not for now.

Nature Worship: To that, I will present the passage that is Job 12:7–10: “But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee: Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee. Who knoweth not in all these that the hand of the Lord hath wrought this?” Once again, he seems cool with it, so long as you don’t engage in acts of abhorrent sodomy, while you’re appreciating his six-day investment.

However, Conservatives disrespecting Mother Nature really isn’t all that strange, bearing in mind that when they look at it, all they see is yet another opportunity to cast degradation upon something widely considered to be feminine, but this time, managing to turn a profit while doing so.

Blasphemy, Idolatry, Defamation of God & False Christianity:This, from the people who’ve willingly replaced Jesus with Trump, the Word with populist propaganda, and represent the teachings within the Bible, akin to the way that Ted Bundy once represented being an ally for the Women’s Rights movement. Of the 70’s. Not only do these disingenuous demagogues represent a very real threat to both our culture and country, they’re also accordingly, their own worst enemy as well.

Affording the normal amount of societal shift that occurs over decades, modern-day religion in general, is on the decline. Christianity, the largest religion in the United States, was once tabulated as being the primary faith of 73.7% of the total population in 2016, but by 2020, only 47% of Americans said that they belonged to a church, down from the previously set highwater mark of 70%, in 1999.

And while there was an increase in Catholic membership between the years of 2000 and 2017, there was also, an almost 11% decline in the number of churches. Unsurprisingly, the numbers continue to spiral ever downward, as weekly church attendance among Catholics, has dropped from 55% in 1970, to today’s average of 20%,

It’s almost as if across the board, critical thinking adults have started to realize that as well as being a cancer upon one’s humanistic outlook, organized religion directly affects our interpersonal and political relationships to boot, and not for the better.

The lauded Italian inventor and astronomer, Galileo Galilei, once opined that; “I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect, has intended us to forgo their use.” A philosophical assessment that i would strongly encourage every self-declared Christion to cast some personal reflection upon. That is, when they can take the time to stop contradicting themselves, via their own words, actions, and hypocritical misdeeds.

In closing, i will quote author Salman Rushdie, who succinctly summed up the absurdity of presenting religion as a protected bastion of inscrutability: “Respect for Religion” has become a code phrase for “fear of Religion”. Religions, like all other ideas, deserve criticism, satire, and yes, our fearless disrespect.”

Speaking the truth, Salman. However, since it didn’t come from a talking snake, a burning bush, a disembodied voice in the clouds, or appear as a stain in the shape of the Holy Mother, I doubt that any of these dimwitted disciples, will grasp it.

 

“Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?” – Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Shilling of a Lesser God. (An Atheistic Amusement)

Originally produced for Related Records’ Phoenix-based independent Zine, “Testimony Vol. 1”, initially published in August of 2022.

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“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” – Epicurus

I open up this screed by definitively declaring, that there is no God. Never has been. Never will be. And most assuredly, if my first two observations are later to be proven false, Logic will still find that as the alleged Father of all, he still fails far shy of deserving the unconditional love he so conceitedly deigns that we, those who were cursed by his own hand, provide him.

Like most modern-day fathers who long ago shirked their responsibilities, he demands unwarranted respect when he bothers to make a limited appearance, but refuses to bestow it in turn. At best, he’s an incompetent over-the-hill Salaryman, trying to relive his glory days via the manipulation of innocents, and at worst, he’s an obsessively mercurial and highly disingenuous sociopath, whose intrinsic ideology is far more in line with the Family of Manson, than the one espoused by the Family of Man.

In short, God is a Fraud. A Theoretical Bully. A Celestial Construct. A mythical Sky-daddy, specifically crafted to keep the ignorant and the fearful under the semblance of social subjugation, and for those select chosen few, to serve as their conduit to acquiring power and influence over others. And in this, an age where access to the world’s knowledge entire is instantaneous, he’s also irrelevant.

We as a society, save for the gullible few scattered among us, remain in the dark no longer as to how the world itself actually works, as we’ve conquered the initial ignorance surrounding biology, geology, and astronomy, and need not the salve of spiritualism, to make sense of that which we don’t understand or fail to comprehend. The Dark Ages had Prophets to guide us. We on the other hand, have YouTube.

Who needs a God when morality is inherent? Who needs a God when Science is based in (and on) verifiable Reality? Who needs miracles, when we’ve split the atom, landed on the Moon, and placed no less than five planetary rovers capable of independent actions, on a celestial body that at its farthest distance from us, is 112.72 million miles away?

Fortunately, for current gas prices, we tend to send these robotic explorers when Mars is an average of only 33.9 million miles away in relation to our home world, so cut NASA some well-earned slack, regarding their past dual cock-ups within the Shuttle program. Think about what humans have accomplished in the span of an average lifetime, and what God thus far, has failed to even partially eradicate over millennia, despite being all-powerful and allegedly, omnipotent.

War, poverty, famine, disease, racism, sexism, homophobia, Islamophobia, xenophobia, nationalism, willfully hateful ignorance, sexual trafficking and abuse, infant mortality, a rapidly untenable planet, due ironically, to both Man’s actions and inaction, and lest we forget, the scourge that is Nickelback, being allowed to produce a body of work that contains no less than nine studio albums, two compilation albums, one EP, five video albums, and 32 individual music videos.

If that isn’t proof enough that there is no God, I really don’t know what to tell you. Chad Kroeger may not be the Antichrist himself, but he certainly would be the composer for his theme music, nevertheless. I noted earlier that the roots of God’s existence lay in Mankind’s need at one point, to explain the workings of the Universe which was once unknown, but what are the elements within that particular narrative?

Our story begins after God, having:created said Universe in six days, decides to situate a virtual paradise on Earth, that he calls The Garden of Eden, stocks it with all of the delights and delicacies that he crafted days before, and in a sheer moment of omnipotent genius, takes Adam and Eve, his two previously immaculate human creations, and deliberately installs the flaw of Free Will into them, despite having no real need in the first place, to do so.

He then instructs them both not to use it, under the threat of dire consequence, then purposefully crafts an irresistible temptation, as he concurrently allows their dual corruption by yet another of his predestined formations (albeit an evil one) who somehow, manages to enter and exit, the Garden unmolested.

After the pair commit the sin that will eventually be classified as “Original”, and doom us all to Hell, God loses his collective cool about it, and banishes Adam and Eve from the Garden forever, notwithstanding the obvious fact that the situation at his hand was ENTIRELY HIS FAULT, he still sends the duo out into the harshness of the world beyond the Garden, completely unprepared, as all good parents are apt to do.

After quite some time has passed, he takes some personal initiative, transcribing a book of rules via other flawed humans, in which he demands that they, and all of their resultant offspring, endeavor to spend their lives worshipping him on bended knee, otherwise he’ll deem them as being unworthy of his “love”, toss them into a bottomless pit of eternal fire, replete with chains of ice, and unceasing torment, with no hope of escape.

And lest ye forget, he’s doing all of this, because he “loves us”. Now, if I were a far more cynical person, I’d assert that the manner in which he shows us this fictional grace, seems like it would fit far better in Ted Bundy’s gameplan, rather than God’s obviously improvised one. And this is whom we’re commanded to slavishly worship without fail and/or query? F**k that noise, plain and simple.

After all, just because I have chosen to metaphorically walk among the stars, and require neither God’s presence, or the insular imprisonment of his doctrine to do so, doesn’t mean that you should follow my path. But as a rule, its hard to explore the infinite possibilities that Life itself offers you freely, when you’re consistently genuflecting to forestall a predetermined fate that you didn’t warrant to begin with.

Just a thought. And hopefully, a clear one.

“It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is, than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” – Carl Sagan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Conspiracy Drearies Pt. 3 (Interhate Love Song)

“The sin which is unpardonable is knowingly and willfully to reject truth, to fear knowledge lest that knowledge pander not to thy prejudices.” –  Aleister Crowley, Magick: Liber ABA: Book 4

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

The Greek philosopher Plato once optimistically stated that; “To prefer evil to good is not in human nature; and when a man is compelled to choose one of two evils, no one will choose the greater when he might have the less.” While this is a rather utopian view of Humanity in general, it’s also seemingly quite naïve, whereas modern-day society is presently concerned.

Not only does it appear that certain individuals within today’s alleged Civilization will readily, if not happily, choose the greater of said Evils, they’ll do so for no other reason than the obsessive hope that the people they’ve ignorantly chosen to despise, will be grievously wounded by their doing so. Hate is a powerful emotion, and when it’s specifically weaponized, the carnage that it can unleash, is damn near nigh impossible to put this malicious Jinn back in its metaphorical bottle.

The accepted definition of “hate” is as such: “an extreme dislike or disgust “, but this rather clinical assessment fails to take into account the underlying, yet primary, foundation of all things that are both hated and hateful in spirit, that being Fear.

To truly hate something, one must also have some modicum of dread regarding it, otherwise such things would pass through our lives harmlessly, emerging as if they were corn that had traveled through a two-year old blemish-free, and entirely whole. But such is not the case with that which we fear, now is it? Hate and Fear leave open wounds, spiritual scars, and excavates the darkest of chasms within our hearts and minds.

However, acknowledgement of the problem hardly qualifies as its solution, and the area where Fear really pulls its allegorical weight, is as a tool of propagandists, as its ratio of investment to net gain, is beyond spectacular. Empires, both personal and corporatized, have been built on the backs of both the fearful and the malicious, and the malevolent manna that they require to propagate their metaphorical borders, is essentially self-generating these days.

If exploiting people’s Fear hadn’t ever actualized as a viable construct already, Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity would be regarded as nothing more than those two brotards at your workplace whom HR would sadly get to know on a first name, if not related hobbies, basis. But with all due fairness, while these two malingerers may serve as heralds of the horrible, they are in reality, no more than symptoms of a societal cancer that has afflicted us for quite some time now.

Hate and/or fear, while truly the most simplistic of emotions, also possess quite the variance as to just how they choose to manifest themselves, a quirk that also extends to whatever underlying factors set them on their path in the first place.

Starting off, there’s the American classic, “Fear of the Other”, whose obsessive focus falls both upon the GQP’s favorite scapegoats of late, that being registered and undocumented immigrants, as well as anyone else who dares to be clearly “not from around here”, such as the descendants of slavery, whose shade of melanin in some way, makes them “less than” in the eyes of those who think that skin color falls somehow, under the category of a personal choice.

if I had a dollar for every time some racist wretch shouted “All Lives Matter” at my back whenever I proudly rock my BLM T-shirt, I could easily buy an island for all of their similar thinking ilk to live on, fully stocked with Pabst Blue Ribbon, pork rinds, and record stores that sell nothing but Ted Nugent and Kid Rock CD’s. What can I say? I know what White trash digs.

But when it comes to acknowledging the inequities regarding economics, applications of legal justice, educational disparagement, and career opportunities that the African-American community continues to suffer through, these very same ALM cheerleaders hit the mute button on their bullhorns faster than a fifteen-year-old caught watching porn on his cellphone when his mom walks into his bedroom unannounced. .

I’d point out that if they really believed that “all lives matter” as they consistently claim, the message of “BLM” wouldn’t bother them at all. They’re just pi**ed by the thought that African-American lives being considered as equal to those of Whites, might actually become a standard, and mystical Lord knows, they sure as f**k, don’t want that.

Next up on the list, there’s the “Fear of the Non-Divine”, stereotypically fueled by Christian intolerance which targets those of the Jewish, Muslim, and Buddhist faith, along with Satanists, Pagans, Wiccans, and the evilest of all, those who don’t believe in the one true God known as Odin, and whom label themselves as (GASP!!!) “Devout Atheists”, which is akin to those that practice Humanism, but with far more calories, if not better shindigs. 

Oops. My bad… [checks notes] it seems the “one true God” is supposedly Jesus Christ, and not Odin. My sincerest apologies. I tend to get those two mixed up, due to the fact that they both have awesome stage presence, incredible hair, and a true sense of showmanship as well. Unfortunately for both of their respective fan bases, and despite the powers each is purported to have possessed, they still are to this day, one-hundred percent completely f**king mythical.

Honest mistake. It won’t happen again, I assure you.

Moving on, Fear and Hate correspondingly, have quite the issue with those whose lifestyle choices are different than theirs, fitting into a characterization that I like to call “Fear of the Fabulous”. Now, as far this particular category goes, it has a few varied underpinnings that form its foundations. The most obvious of course, is the phobias starting with the prefixes of “Homo” and “Trans”, or those which despise any mention of the acronym LGBTQ,

Underlying plywood within this subfloor of ignorance, also includes the oddity of its detractors possessing a blatantly obvious latent curiosity regarding gay sexual practices while simultaneously disparaging them, as well as the inclusion of a singular sentence from a book of Bronze-Age fairy tales, arguing that it provides no less than celestial justification itself, for their unwarranted arracks to boot.

Not to mention, the parasitic attachment of barely restrained toxic masculinity that bleeds through when this community is openly harassed. For men who claim to be ever-so-manly, they for some as yet unknown fully heterosexual reason, seemingly need a lot of backup muscle when they go out cruising as a group, hoping to beat up some effeminate poofs, let me tell you.  I’m sure there’s nothing of homoerotic interest to unpack there, by any stretch of the imagination.

Since I covered this topic in depth somewhat in the last screed, I won’t be rehashing it here yet again, but I will say this: if you spend more time thinking about gay sex than the people who are actually engaging in it, you’re more than likely, so far back in the allegorical closet as it were, that next year’s Christmas gifts no longer remain unknown to you. Just saying.

Progressing forward, we come to the next hovel of hate, and that is the relatively new aspect of “Fear of All That is Known”, which covers the fields of Science and Medicine, along with their practitioners and those who possess both a higher education, and the ability to apply it to everyday life.

The Right-Wing Retard Brigade refers to these specific people as “elites”, for no other reason than the fact that unlike those who slavishly obey the whims of a red-hatted Mango-tinted Mussolini, the learned instead, actually bother to check the veracity of the details they’re presented with first, before deciding on a personal course of action.

I’ve always been amused by those who couldn’t open the front door to get into DeVry, assume that they’re now honorary virologists, political pundits, and constitutional lawyers, just because they spent ten minutes watching a handful of garage-assembled videos on YouTube

And when it comes to the institutions that produce these educated individuals that are so despised by the often-wrong Right, the hatred is quite literally, a palatable entity. Colleges, according to these GED washouts, are nothing more than “centers of Liberal indoctrination”, hellbent on nothing less than the complete and utter destruction of traditional society, established cultural norms, and the core values of the American family itself.

And here I was, thinking that all my Associate of Arts degree was going to get me, was a comfy job making album covers and the conversational opportunity to pick up the random art groupie, every now and then, when all along, I was actually being groomed to become a Godless anarchist with machinations of evil intent, to lure the unaware into my ever-expanding cabal of inclusive consciousness, instead.

Damn you Art College. Damn you to Hell.

Nevertheless, while the people who view opening a book as being on the same intellectual par as dismantling a nuclear bomb, rail about their precious children being brainwashed by exposure to the light that eradicates the ignorance and hypocrisy installed by their parental units, their offspring academically advance regardless, and that’s what Conservatism truly fears: the fact that when their brood learns that they’ve been ;lied to their entire lives, the desire to make some major changes within it, becomes truly tantamount.

Conservatives don’t fear and hate education because it imparts a rigid standard of seeing the world one way or another, they despise it solely because once unshackled by the skeleton key of education, the mind set free, becomes a rather dangerous foe to those who wield power over a relatively complacent (and easily misdirected) society.

If you value personal thought and the freedom granted by your individuality, do the three things that Conservatives hate most: read, write, and question all that you’re told, and watch the blood vessels inside their constricted brains pop.

Its always worked for me. It can work for you too.

And finally, there’s the “Fear of the Feminine”, as espoused by a cadre of intellectually void misogynists, ranging from the thankfully deceased Rush Limbaugh, to the aforementioned Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson, who are quite literally, the walking embodiment of want barely sentient hemorrhoids can achieve, when they’re given free license to spew vacuous bile during the most advantageous of prime-time slots.

Whether it’s disparaging women for choosing a career over having children, or slurring the single moms that manage to do both as breeders for future welfare recipients, conservatives consciously play both sides of the hypocrite’s coin whenever possible.

For instance, they could teach their sons to respect a women’s right to spurn unwanted carnal advances and not engage in the abominable acts of sexual harassment and/or rape, but why do that, when you can just as easily, paint the victim as “asking for it”, dependent on where she was, what she was wearing, or how much alcohol she consumed prior to being attacked?  

Let’s be clear: conservatives LOVE seeing women subjugated, humiliated, and most importantly, defeated on every level. as it reaffirms both their faux masculinity, and the erroneous notion that women truly are, [in their opinion] just as the LGBTQ community is, “less than” what they consider themselves to be. Doubt this take of mine? Just look at the specific insults relating to gender and sexual identity that men hurl at each other: “Bitch”, Pu**y”, “Queer”, ”C**ksucker”, “Fag”, and the like.

Conservative men are terrified of strong independent women, hence their obsession with keeping them in line via laws to strip them of their rightful body autonomy, so that they find themselves trapped in the emblematic kitchen, forcibly pregnant, the way God intended them to be. While I can only speak for myself as always, I find it hilarious that these so-called men who can’t find the clitoris of the woman they do know, still feel that they have the right to govern the uterus of the woman they don’t.

However, what these wannabe uterine ushers fail to take into account, is the ramifications of ticking off half of the world’s population due to their fear of being bested by the fairer sex. Outside of the expected sexual cut-off, I wonder what the reaction will be when female legislators start introducing bills concerning the body rights of men. At the moment, there are no laws on the books that regulate what men can do with their genitalia, a sexist fact that these cravenly cucks purposefully overlook.

Can you imagine the testosterone-fueled outrage if it were passed into law, that men had to get pre-authorization to be sexually active? Better yet, how about decreeing that prior to each act of sexual activity, only men were subject to being tested for STD’s? And since conservatives are ever-so-worried about the scourge of teenage pregnancy, shouldn’t condom usage be delegated as mandatory, unless one was willing to undergo a reversible vasectomy?

After all, doesn’t it make more sense to take the bullets out of the gun, rather than place a bullet-resistant shield in front of it? And let’s not forget making men purchase birth insurance, just in case an “accident”: or as anti-abortionists put it, a “miracle of life” just so happens to occur. Rational options all, I feel. What’s that you say, my manly chums? It seems that the responsibility for inadvertent reproduction seems now placed upon your previously unburdened shoulders?

Well, I’m sorry about that. Truly, I am. But in retrospect, maybe you should have kept your nose out of ither people’s private concerns, and then you wouldn’t be sitting home alone on a Friday night with a case of the Blue Balls, now would you? But enough with my setting up the quadrants of fear-based ignorance, as it’s now time to switch gears, line up the dominoes of density, and knock them all down, using nothing save the words originally scribed by their authors as a testament to their own obliviousness,

And what better way to start us off, than with an example of antisemitism disguised as political commentary, posted by one Jimmy Frost, who also goes by the moniker of “Kentucky Fried Jimmy” on Facebook?Good question Jimmy- are there any “Jews” around, and if so, why in the f**k would they ever do business with you? Maybe your daily rate is a factor, given the well-known stereotype for Jewish thriftiness in regards to matters of financial outlay, but your sparklingly odious personality for sure, is unquestionably not. Maybe the reason those who are Jewish tend to vote Democratic, is because unlike your party, we tend to screen out the NAZI’s, rather than elect them to high-standing, as you guys are so fond of doing.

And as for your claim that you were talking to a “Jew”, because apparently, that’s the way you respectfully identify people these days, is by their religious leanings, I’ll call bulls**t. Not only do you not know any, I’m fairly certain that the ones in Florida where you allegedly operate, treat you and your business as if it were a non-Kosher shrimp and pork sandwich. And if you don’t get that joke Jimmy, you are most certainly, not down with the Jews.

Fortuitously for Jimmy, if he runs out of imaginary Jews to talk to concerning the theoretical, he can always rely on his fellow lover of all things Jewish, Al Savaria, to commiserate with in regards to us Democrats having cornered the market on free-range Jewry:

Wow. Just wow. I’ve seen some clever ways to introduce the classic gambit that Jews run the world entire, but this is quite the new twist on an antisemitic fantasy. However, I have some sad news for Al here: if Jews did run the world, I can assure you that not only would there be a Katz’s delicatessen on every other corner, Ben Stiller would have been installed as the true face of the John Wick movie franchise by now.

Or so I would assume, according to this theory I just created out of air and the vile bigotry that I borrowed from these two burnt-out light bulbs of dizzying intellect.

But don’t you worry kids, because if you can’t make one asinine theory stick to your supposed enemies, you can always hit them in another area that’s always a sore spot for most, and what better method is there, than questioning the legitimacy of their religious faith?I tell you, there’s nothing I enjoy more than a word salad drizzled with a slightly acidic vinaigrette of dumbf**kery, such as this one appears to be. Let’s just check the ingredient list: a befuddled interpretation of a Bronze-Age book of fairy tales? Check. Misspellings and/or improper contextual use of the words “their” and “our”? Check. An arrogant claim about whose God is the “real” God? Check.

And finally, a threat of divine retribution against an imagined enemy? Check and done. One small note however regarding theology, if I may? The last time I checked, the aforementioned Jesus of Nazareth, was a Jew, unless of course, McLeod here, is referring to the renowned car mechanic, Jesus of Nazareth, Texas, who while not granted the healing powers of the allegorical Savior, has been known to work absolute miracles on late-model Subarus.

Call me crazy, but when I think of Jesus, I think of the one seen in prayer cards holding bunnies, not the one holding an UZI, happily splashing in the rapidly congealing puddles of his chosen victim’s blood. But what do I know? Its been over 40 years since I was an altar boy, so maybe the Vatican has made a few changes here and there in my absence.

But the image of Christ as an agent of vengeance, while popular with Conservatives, is thankfully, not the most so-called Christians ascribe to. Nope, that position of punitiveness, is generally reserved for his dad “God”, whom if you remember the Old Testament, was all about bringing the pain, if not the Brimstone rain. But as is usual with most bigots who hide behind the faux sanctity of a thin-as-tissue-paper faith, they conveniently on purpose, fail to mention this, and instead, cast it upon others:

And who better to anoint with their hypocrisy, than the blasphemous infidels who would dare to label Jesus as nothing more than a prophet, and not as the deity commonly represented as the Son of God?

Regular readers of, or even those passingly familiar with the Bible, may be raising their eyebrows right about now, regarding this take concerning the virtuousness of the so-called Good Book versus the wickedness supposedly contained within the Quaran, as the role of women and the overall respect they’re supposedly accorded within established Christian doctrine, is not that far removed from what’s being alleged about the Islamic faith.

Now, while it is true that Ephesians 5:25 does command; “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”, The intent of Corinthians 14:34-35 immediately counters this by bluntly decreeing; “The women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church.”

 But let’s not forget, the Quran is really the purported misogynist tome here, and not the Bible. In fact, the Bible is not only amazingly pro-feminist, but also offers helpful advice as well. Take this passage from Timothy 2:11-15, for instance:

 “Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing- if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.”

 Yup. Nothing controlling or knuckle-dragging Neanderthalic about this at all, right? You just gotta love God’s message here: “Learn stuff but don’t share what you know outside of your one-book-only club, shut your pie-hole, and even though I created the forbidden fruit and the serpent pushing it on you, KNOWING FULL WELL AND IN ADVANCE, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN, because I’m all-powerful and all-seeing, I’m still going to blame you for eating it, because… um, “mysterious ways” and all that jazz.”

 But maybe, just maybe, I’m reading too much between the lines in regards to God’s immutable assertions. After all, he did create women for a specific reason, and I’m sure it was not at all self-serving whatsoever, as evidenced by Proverbs 31:30: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Ok. I admit it. That may have been a bad example. Certainly, he must place worthwhile stock in the value of a strong independent woman who speaks her mind, as notated within Proverbs 21: “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” Once again, my fingers did the walking and tripped. I sincerely apologize.

However, this passage from Genesis 3;16 is all about a woman’s role as a wife and mother, and I’m sure that it will redeem the one true God, for certain: “To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

[Artbitch closes laptop, glares at empty sky for ten minutes, composes himself, opens laptop, tries again.]

All right… this time, and I really, really, mean it, I’m sure I’ve hit upon the one pronouncement from the all-powerful God that proves, 100%, that the Bible is way more respectful to women than the Quaran could ever hope to be, even on its best day. Titus 2:4-5: “And so, train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

 And this is why I apparently need to read the story all the way to the end, rather than just skim it, because quite honestly, these plot twists are killing my credibility here. Nevertheless, I’d advise you all to keep the faith as it were, because I’m about to hit it out of the park with this one, where God notes the strength of women in relation to the power of royalty: Proverbs 31:3: ”Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings.”

Seriously. What f**ked in the empty head disciple, transcribed this chauvinistic piece of celestial cuckdom into existence, Roman of Polanski? Sean of Connery? James of Woods? Man, I understand good writers were hard to come by back in the day, but you’d think the omnipotent Deity over All, would have had the budget to hire the Kurt Vonnegut’s of Bethlehem, rather than the Dean Koontz’s of Kentucky. 

And speaking of Kentucky, our ol’ pal “Kentucky Fried Jimmy”, AKA: Jimmy Frost, has a solution to what he considers to be the “Muslim problem”, and it’s one that would make Josef Goebbels ever so proud:
You know, for people who just love to compare the other side of the political fence to NAZI’s, they sure do spend an awful amount of time trying to install some of their more virulent visions into the mainstream minds of our collective society’s psyche. And despite the reassurance by his fellow f**khead Thomas Strauch, that we should remove American citizens for the “good of America”, I’d suggest a counteroffer instead: how about we deport all the racists first as a test, just to see if that improves things?

It obviously couldn’t hurt, and just think about how nice it would be, knowing that all the so-called Confederate flag flying “Christians” were now being placed in countries where not only would their bulls**t not be tolerated, it would be ironically dealt with, in the very same manner that they wish to inflict upon the religious minorities currently living here.

Maybe it’s just me, but has anyone else noticed that since the concept of Trumpism took hold, conservatives think that the ultimate resolution to every social concern they have, albeit real or imagined, is to exile it, as if it were an unwanted Christmas fruitcake from their Aunt Hildegard? Other than being unconscionable, the very concept of Jimmy’s non-PC braggadocio, is wholly unconstitutional, as well. 

Frost’s reference to the act of banning Muslims from entering the United States, stems from his vile misinterpretation of a passage within the McCarran-Walker Act of 1952, which upheld a divisive quota system for immigration that was first introduced in 1924. Although the 1952 measure eradicated the racial conditions for acquiring citizenship, particularly where Asians were concerned, its founding of new quotas that favored Western Europeans, is definitively the origin of Frost’s erroneous claim.  

As noted in Chapter 2, Section 212 of the Act, there exists a provision that allows specific United States government officials the right to deny entry to any person deemed to pose a possible threat to said government. The observant among us, and you know who you are, will note that nowhere within this decree once examined in depth, does there exist any mention of specifically excluding those who identify as being of the Muslim faith, or anyone who hails from Islamic nations, either.

Zip. Zilch. Zero. Nada.

But leave it to conservatives to demand action concerning a problem that doesn’t actually exist, as evinced by this mentally-deficient, and highly xenophobic word-salad, courtesy of one Debra Caldwell: 

I’ve noted in previous screeds, that in no way, shape or form, do I have any proven clinical background in regards to the field of psychology, and therefore, have no right whatsoever to present a formal diagnosis in respect to what particular mental issue Caldwell may allegedly be suffering from at the current moment, but I will say this- whatever it is, I’m sure it’s very hard to pronounce.

In fact, I will go one step further, and submit that while I don’t personally know for certain exactly just what transgressions proper grammar and punctuation inflicted upon her as a defenseless child, she’s definitely paying them back for it now, in spades. I don’t want to be unnecessarily flippant here, but if Caldwell wasn’t in the middle of having a stroke as she was writing this, I’d strongly suggest that it may be a good idea to not only take away her car keys, but to wallpaper her home with bubble wrap, as well.

Sadly, Caldwell’s intolerant ignorance of all persons ascribed as Islamic, is not unique, and it most certainly, is not lacking for company, either. By way of example, let’s peruse this delightful slice of bigoted accounting, presented to us by one Richard Crisp, who, just so happens to be, a Facebook “friend”: of the hateful humanitarian, Jimmy Frost: 

Even I, the eternal optimist of all things sunny and bright, have to admit that the scenario offered up by Dick Crisp here, is darkly discomfiting. However, since it is a radical proposition being presented as a theoretical reality by an obvious Islamophobe, I’d propose that perhaps some fact-checking should be done first, and as some of you may have already guessed, Dick’s numbers are a tad bit off the mark.

According to the website Statista.com, the typical American male was the progenitor of an average of 1.93 children in the year of 2020, and the rate for his Muslim counterpart? Well, according to Pew Research, that number clocks in at 2,9, and not 9.7, as Crisp’s fever-dream so hysterically declares as fact.

In 2020, the Earth’s total population was estimated to be around 7.753 billion inhabitants, of which, 1.8 billion were classified as being Muslim. In simpler terms, that translates into an average of there being no less than 4.30 persons for every lone Muslim currently residing on the planet. Literally, a 4 to 1 ratio, which if I were a betting man, would make me lay down some serious money on the “Home” team to win…

I for one, don’t fear Muslims, half as much as I do so-called Christian-Americans, because the last time I checked, most of the terrorism in this country, was being undertaken by those waving the Stars and Stripes with one hand, while holding the Bible in the other. And as for Crisp‘s assertion that his fantasy of captured women awaiting the horror of being forcibly impregnated is, and I quote; “real s**t”, I’d totally agree. It is s**t, and so apparently, was the bathtub meth he smoked to form this opinion in the first place.

But try as it might Logic and reality can’t keep a good conspiracy theory down, nor can it make the willingly terrified any less scared than they already are, either. Take for instance, this “warning’, posted by Phil Draper, concerning an unnamed pastor who was supposedly attacked by Muslims, which ostensibly, according to the warped minds of the Alt-Right base, is on the verge of becoming a common occurrence:

So, let me see if I got this right… the partisan party who mixes their politics with faux Christianity, and whose civilian adjuncts want to deport all Muslims, as they attempt to have the fantasy of the Bible taught in schools as if it were long-established Science, is afraid that a bunch of fanatical religious extremists will eventually take over the United States, and by doing so, will become… what, exactly?

Direct competition, perhaps? Because in all of my 53 years walking this big-ass space rock, the only people that have ever sent me death threats or told me that I was going to burn in Hell, have been 100% dyed in the wool of the Lamb, supposed Christians, and nobody else. 

My devout Muslim neighbors on the other hand, have not only complimented my landscaping and Christmas light display every year without fail, but maybe that’s just part of their devious plan to lure me and mine, into a false sense of security before their premeditated cultural coup comes to the zenith of its successful fruition. What clever bastards,

And to think, that their annual gift of home-made Qatayef, was nothing more than their attempt to soften me up for either the eventual kill, or forced conversion. I may never trust another dish of delectable pastries ever again. Still, our good friend Phil isn’t done sounding the alarm about the planned Muslim takeover just yet, and has this vital piece of the puzzle to share with us:

A thought occurred to me immediately after reading this, and I’m sure it may have also crossed your minds as well- why is it, that the people who claim to be the most American of Americans among us, speak and write the language of this country as if they’re cosplaying a drunken Latka Gravas from the 80’s TV show Taxi?To begin Phil, may I note that the correct tense you should have used for your first three contextual errors are, and in order, “their”, “their” yet again, and finally “they’re”, because if you’re going to be calling for us to defend our country from your metaphorically posited threat, you should probably show that you’re actually a fully mentally-functioning citizen of it, first.

As for the rest, not only would it be damn near nigh impossible to constitutionally install any form of Sharia Law within the parameters of the United States, as American Christians have sadly known for years, the assertion that it would happen due to the political machinations of a few carefully placed Muslim politicians, is, quite simply, beyond insane.

It’s bad enough that we have citizenry who are unaware what the laws of this country are, but it’s even worse, when they think that they can toss aside the Rule of Law, predicated on the single fact alone that they just don’t like someone very much, as proven by this gem of purest political insight straight from the horse’s ass that is returning guest, if not the newest Artbitch scratching post, Debra Caldwell:

As always, I won’t speak for you, but I just love it when a brain-dead Conservative plays all their classic hits, don’t you? Opening up with an unhinged rant, transitioning into delusionally desired threats of unconstitutional retribution with well-practiced ease, and finally climaxing with the conservative surefire winner, the unintentional mangling of the English language throughout.

Bravo, maestro! I tip my oversized novelty hat made of corn chips and overflowing with guacamole, in your general direction. Now, you might think Caldwell, can only play the same tune endlessly over and over again, but rest assured, she is imbued with that jazz spirit, and she likes nothing more than to riff on a theme familiar as she adds that special racist touch to an otherwise blandly bigoted mix:

Yup. There’s no way you can be an “American” if you wear the “Rag”, and if you do dare to do so as a legally elected government official, then according to Debra Dumbf**k here, that should be demonstrable grounds for you to be impeached. Sigh… one day, hopefully soon, there’s going to come a time where these racist, bigoted, despairingly ignorant, walking piles of putridness, are going to try and make a pot roast while sitting inside their oven, and only then, will I be able to truly rest.

An Artbitch can dream, I guess.

If I had to offer an educated guess, I’d assume that despite Caldwell’s access to the World Wide Web, its never been directly utilized to engage in any form of credible research. If she truly considers the hijab to be no more than a “rag”, which it most certainly is not, I can only imagine her ill-informed opinion concerning the turbans worn by Sikhs, the Yarmulkes worn by Jews, and of course, the post-digger hats that those Catholic cardinals so proudly sport.

Are they, to be considered as being non-American as well, or is that slur reserved only for the ones who just so happen not to be Caucasian? I’d like to assume that this was a factor that Caldwell never once considered when she scribed her bigoted tripe, but I’m also fairly confident that she wouldn’t have an issue with being called out for it, either.

She, like most of her fellow demagogues of density that inhabit the dark recesses of the Web, are proud of being accurately labeled as racist, unintelligent, and wholly xenophobic, as it’s the only thing that gives their otherwise pathetically empty lives, any actual purpose.

This is not to say however, that Caldwell is a one-trick pony, as she’s also seemingly fond of disseminating hysterically unfounded conspiracy theories as well. Take for instance, this easily debunked post regarding the process of one being sworn in to an elected office:

And when I say “easily debunked”, I mean to say that you can do so (according to Google) in less than one second. A point sixtieth of a second to be more precise, which apparently for Caldwell’s sense of personal responsibility, was far too much time to spend establishing as to whether her already highly=y suspect blog-sourced “news item” was genuine or an obvious falsehood:
And despite Facebook’s fact-checking system informing her that this fiction was straight off a website based in and on satire, as evidenced here…

… two of Caldwell’s clan of confused cucks, still debated about its veracity nonetheless, deciding to do so without doing any research regarding the topic, save for one person, whom I can only assume, spends most of their time making sure that these morons don’t take a bath with a plugged-in coffee maker:

I particularly like how Sheila here, and without any evidence, brushes the factual info aside, arrogantly positing that FB’s “fact-checkers don’t know everything” as a conceptual theorem, while simultaneously proving that she most certainly doesn’t, as a definitive. Classic. Not only can one be sworn in using a copy of the Quran, one can also do so with a copy of MAD Magazine, if one so wished.

Quid me solliciti in regards to this abject stupidity? Not in the slightest, as dumb bitches like this, are literally a dime a dozen within the ranks of the GQP base, and despite her racist ignorance, Caldwell herself, tends to fall into the role of being more of a clueless cog, rather than as a conservative intellectual, as this later word salad strongly underscores:  

Now, I don’t want to make fun of whatever learning incapacity that Caldwell is openly displaying here, but JFC lady, given whatever this mélange of mangled gibberish was intended to convey, I’d make the assertion that you need to get your ass over to Grammarly.com right quick, and attempt to get your spastic s**t together.

If not for your own comfort, or for those unfortunate souls that have to read your inane drivel, then do it for no other reason than to quell my rising concern that you require either hospitalization, or the combined services of a young priest and an old priest, ASAP. As to the validity of your laughably pathetic claim that FB took away your Constitutional rights, Facebook (as well as any other private business) does not, I repeat, DOES NOT, fall under the protective auspices of the First Amendment.

Not now. Not ever. So suck it up, blubbercup.

I’d like to posit the assessment that if half these people spent a quarter of their time doing random acts of Humanity versus tracking down the lunacy that fuels their idiotic paranoia, not only would all forms of Cancer have been cured by now, we’d also as a species, would never have to fear the thought of anyone seriously thinking about a re-boot of “The Last Starfighter” starring Ryan Reynolds, as well.

As I started off this original story-arc addressing the topic of conspiracies and their champions in part one, I’m going to take a slight detour off-path, and highlight a few selectively chosen one from Caldwell, that have stumbled into my line of sight, as of late. Starting us off, we’ll tackle this one, which combines the standard GQP demagogy of anti-abortion sentiment, constitutional minipreparation, and faux Christianity into one vile loaf of White inbred rage:

First off, nothing contained within Caldwell’s post is “unconstitutional” by any stretch of the imagination, second, as a myth “God” can’t and won’t “deal” with anyone, and most importantly, nowhere in the United Sates does there exist a single medical professional engaging in either infanticide, or the proactive murder of “born alive” babies, which for the benefit of Debbie Dips**t here, I have to notate as being the exact same f**king thing.

Nevertheless, I do feel sorry (somewhat) for Caldwell, as I can’t imagine the level of self-delusion required to not only post the following, but to wholly embrace it as well, in full view of the general public:

You know who else presented as an Angel of higher purpose at first, and later turned out to be singularly evil and morally rudderless as f**k? An ex-employee of God’s named Lucifer, but I’m sure that no comparisons could be reasonably drawn between the Prince of Lies, and a thrice-married, whore-mongering serial adulterer, who just so happens to be in tandem, not only a lecherously craven con-man, but a self-admitted sexual assaulter of women, to boot.

And regarding all of his links to traitorous actions and established pedophiles? Well, that’s just the icing on top of this boiled pork sandwich wearing a wig, in my ever so humble opinion. Jesus weeps to be sure, but I’m confident that the underlying reason must be sheer gratitude for such esteemed representation.

I hate to be the one that truly bursts Caldwell’s fragile as a soap bubble optimism that Trump was indeed hand-picked by God himself to serve a specific purpose, because as a devotee of the Truth, I’d fight to be the first to witness that he most certainly does. Unfortunately for Caldwell though, it’s only to be as a walking reminder as to why God felt the need to transcribe the Ten Commandments in the first place.

This opinion of mine, based on nothing more substantial than the compilation of Trump‘s own compiled words, actions, and public displays of his dearth of character, may come as a surprise to Caldwell’s surreal sanguinity, but I’m afraid that I may have to present a far bigger shock to her system with this far more unbelievable revelation that apparently happened quite literally, right under his nose, if not his thankfully short-term housing.

This bombshell, courtesy of the website Bitchute,com, brought inadvertently to my attention by one of its adherents, an individual known as June Meek, is without a doubt, the biggest American scandal that has even been revealed, hands down. Far less ethical than Watergate, twice as sexually shocking than Penisgate, Nipplegate, or Pizzagate combined, and while it lacks the incel load of Comicsgate or come to think of it, any Star Wars Fan-Con for that matter, it most definitely can give all these “gates” a run for their money, as ii may just be, the most beautifully insane set-piece of crafted lunacy, among them:

Indisputably, the comparison twixt the two is most definitely founded upon the fact that much like this steaming anaerobic lagoon, this fecal-laden fantasy stems from nothing less than the constipated bowels of a perceptibly disturbed mind, but this is still a freakishly mesmerizing page-turner, no matter what your level of personal gullibility may fall between.

This story has it all: a worldwide cabal, using a network of underground tunnels as a conduit to sexually traffic their innocent captives, finds themselves, in a delightful twist of serendipitous fate, trapped within those very same tunnels by “soldiers” who after arresting them, make the brilliant command decision to

escort both their former victims and the corpses of their less fortunate brethren to the safety of the outside world, boldly using the FRONT DOORS of one of the most iconically famous buildings in the known world.

Not to mention, there’s the additional delusion of there being not one, but TWO fake White Houses, along with the tantalizing story-arcs of gene decoding, Extraterrestrial bloodlines, “black goo”, whatever the hell that is, and of course, the ever-looming presence of what I can only assume, will eventually be revealed as the danger of AI going rogue. Sure, it’s wackier than Gary Busey on vodka-infused Red Bull, but as long as the Sci-Fi Channel makes it into a limited series, I’m totally cool with it, overall.

Don’t look at me like that. You know damn well that if they ever cast noted science-fiction icon / actor Ron (“Hellboy”) Perlman to play a part, any part, you’d binge-watch it until your eyeballs bled, so don’t lie. Either to me, or more importantly, yourself. But believe it or not, I do know what you’re thinking, and yes, you are 100% right- this account is frothing at the mouth insane, to say the very least.

Nevertheless, let’s play Devil’s Advocate for a moment, and look at the … well, let’s just call them “facts” for the moment, and attempt to analyze this fever-dream logically, if such a thing is possible with a narrative as twisted as this.

So, to recap….  a series of tunnels located under one of the most secure buildings in the world, was actually a super-highway of sorts for child sex-trafficking, unbeknownst to the allegorical fighter of such, and the decision was made by persons still unknown, to wait until he had fully vacated the premises, in order to rescue the unfortunate souls being exploited.

And despite the accumulation of political advantage that the incoming administration could have eternally milked from such a cabal being exposed by going public with the rescue, decided instead, to go full dark concerning it. And yet, they somehow blew the whole operation out of the water, by making the rookie mistake of leaving via the front lawn, rather than utilize the quite extensive tunnel system as the logical alternative.   

Genius, I tell you. Sheer literary genius. If L. Ron Hubbard wasn’t dead already, this I’m sure would have killed him dead on the spot. However, please don’t take my flippant mockery as my ignoring the very disturbing reality that there are quite a number of people out there, who passionately believe in the truth of these matters as being incontestable.

Referencing such, let’s now turn our attention to yet another of our modern society’s irresponsibly ill-informed ilk, who somehow manages to violate an edict of the God he claims to revere, so far beyond its established and expected boundaries, that even I, the avowed agnostic, want to buy the guy who originally transcribe it, a case of top-shelf whiskey to get over the shock of watching his literary baby be taken out to the allegorical woodshed for an unhinged tête-à-tête with a possible madman:

Before I dissect this pile of mental aberration within the microcosm of an ever far more troubled demographic that puts stock in such insanity as Gospel, I would like to state that the majority of Conservatives are not this far gone. Overall, that is.

As to the directive demanded by God of us contained within the earlier referenced biblical passage that is Exodus 20:16, it simply says this: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor”, which, as a rule of thumb, should be easy to follow, even for the most intellectually dimmest scattered among us.

However, “Lowery Porter” (AKA William Pennell) may serve as the test case as to why sometimes, slipping medication into an unaware person’s cup of morning java, might not necessarily be a violation of their constitutional rights, so much as serving the purpose of the greater good, as it were.

In any other context as a professional writer, if a tale of horror such as this had been presented to me that combined elements of “The Devil’s Rain”, “Seven”, “Silence of the Lambs”, “What We Do in the Shadows”, and topped it all off with a touch of John Carpenter’s cult classic, “they Live”, I’d eat my own laptop out of sheer creative jealousy, and be happy to do so. But in concern to this masturbatory fantasy straight from the fevered sickness that passed for Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed’s sense of creativity, I find myself truly at a loss for words.

I for one, can’t even begin to imagine what form of mental illness could envision such sadistic barbarism serving as a vital cornerstone of civilized debate, and because I value what remains pf my inherent sanity, I’m not even going to try. It’s one thing to concoct a political or cultural scandal where no such thing exists, but to craft a truly insane allegorical snuff film theory out of nothing more than one’s failing grasp on the certainty of the world’s rationality, is quite another thing altogether.

As a rule, I consider myself quite the connoisseur of the dark and otherwise unworldly, but when it comes to this odiously perverse pile of schizophrenic paranoia posted by the barely sentient essence of human failure, even I must take a moment of pause to contemplate just where this person’s life went so horribly awry. My guess is starting at birth, but maybe that’s just my inherent sense of cynical horror running it’s mouth yet again.

The only estimate I could offer concerning what may be wrong with this person, most likely would  still fall short of the allegorical goalposts, given my exceedingly limited knowledge regarding ng the clinical sphere wherein diagnosing mental illness takes place, but I’m pf the mindset that if you truly believe that Hillary Clinton was not only dancing around wearing someone else’s face in the style of a Venetian Bauta, but also allowed herself to be filmed doing so, odds are pretty good that your tin-foil tuxedo collection  is huge.

If I didn’t have the proper milieu within my sight, I’d believe that the “Saw” movie franchise had teamed up with the production crew from the “Faces of Death” one, in order to reclaim their collective splatter cinema endowment of “Most Unbelievable S**t You’ve Ever Seen”, and leave it at that. If any of this fairytale were even remotely true, there would be no way any supposed cabal could manage to keep it suppressed, albeit through threats, deaths, or payoffs.

Not only would this be the biggest story ever, it would be so far beyond the pale of all scandals that had come before, it would remain in the public eye for decades to come. And yet, the only person of note so to speak, to have access to this mind-blowing if not devastating information can’t provide a credible link to the evidence that supports it? Weird, that.

Keep in mind, this lunatic can not only vote, spawn, and openly handle sharp stabby things, he’s also legally allowed to own almost unregulated ordinance as well. If that thought alone doesn’t make you want to crawl into a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and never come out again, I seriously don’t know what will. However, the depth of Lowery’s mental obesity is far deeper than the first Initial offering I’ve presented here thus far.

And while I can’t necessarily “top” the unhinged perception presented above, I can at least, give you some additional  insight as to why there will still be a cultural struggle of a sort in relation to ongoing political policies and societal identity, even if we as a nation, manage to cauterize the leadership that inspire and guides these wackadoos. It’s a philosophy best summed up in a singular image:

Granted, Lowery isn’t intelligent enough to be part of the governing board as it stands to my belief that their hiring practices for such would be no less than top-notch, but his qualifications for doing their metaphorical heavy lifting, would be a definitive in securing him steady employment. Take for instance, this stellar example of just how far detached Lowery is from the rational world entire, and pray to whatever mythical deity that you like, that he doesn’t choose to go gun shopping one day:  

Sigh… if there ever comes a day where an alien species does land peacefully on this planet, the thought that my asking them to take me with them when they leave this ever-increasingly screwed-up rock to get away from these f**king loons, may have some serious credence to it.

I’ve said it before, and Odin knows I will be forced to say it again, but I’m fairly confident that the mindset of the interstellar Greys who supposedly abduct humans, considers visits to our planet as an opportunity to practice their intergalactic cow-tipping, rather than a foray into establishing a base for credible scientific research. And when it comes to their infamous acts of utilizing anal probes? Well, that just goes to verify that for at least %10 of us, a good weekend came early.

On the surface, both of Lowery’s assertions are indebtedly, quite insane. Bonkers. Wackadoo. Madder than a Hatter. Nuttier than a ten-dollar pecan pie. And if I were so bold, slightly amusing as well, on a certain level, that is. Let’s not forget, even for the briefest of moments that these ravingly mad assessments are coming from a free-roaming citizen, and not someone who has found themselves locked up in a padded room for the safety, if not the betterment of society at large.

As I noted above; “Keep in mind, this lunatic can not only vote, spawn, and openly handle sharp stabby things, he’s also legally allowed to own almost unregulated ordinance as well.” What, pray tell, would happen of Lowery formed the conclusion that his fellow humans had been “chipped” by Aliens, thereby becoming Transhumans, (It’s a thing now) and decided to go full John Nada about it?

And even worse, they feel that they have the right to do so, literally courtesy pf the one true GodYup. most definitely, Lowery is most certainly, a good lamb of Jesus, humbly spreading the Gospel of the Gunnery, as if he were understudying for Chuck Norris in a re-boot of “Invasion USA”.

Now, if I were of the desire to challenge these delusional dumbf**ks face to face, intellect to non-intellect, mano a mano, and this philosophical debate of course occurring in a gun-free zone, I’d open with the message contained within Matthew 26:52, that being; “Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword.”

For the majority of us, the actually thinking people, this passage translates into a variant of the message to be learned within Hosea 8:7: “For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind: it hath no stalk: the bud shall yield no meal: if so be it yield, the strangers shall swallow it up.”

In other words, and in both cases, it’s quite literally the celestial equivalent of “F**k around and find out”, which to us normies, serves as a warning, but to guntards such as Lowery, it’s interpreted as a challenge to their very existence, Itself. And they’re more than happy to declare the imaginary treat of such, and their intentions to negate this metaphorical tyranny, directly to an ever increasingly fretful public:Nothing to see here, folks- just yet another “patriot”, doing all he can to purge the corrupted straight out of the positions of power that they’ve tyrannically obtained, over the course of the last few decades.

And as you might envisage, it covers all the classic hits: secret cabals, twisted machinations, and as is to be expected, the threat of unfounded violent retribution against imaginary supposed enemies in lieu oi any form of moderated and/or intellectually-supported, debate.

Hilariously, the toxic male posturing is what ultimately sells this temple of testicular tripe. I’d like to point to this cuckold of cravenness, that if her and his assorted mouth-breathing ilk were really as badass as they claim to be, they’d be the headlining act, and not waiting in the back alley in the manner of a desperately groveling groupies.

It has been suggested by many far wiser than I, that we as a whole, should strive to laugh hard at the absurdly evil, and there’s a lot to be said concerning the fear that they exhibit when that power is forcibly taken from said malevolence, using nothing more authoritative than a well-crafted quip or two.

For all of their pustular pomposity in claiming ownership of on unearned throne from which they supposedly and effectively, disseminate ass-whooping night-terrors, the truth of the matter itself, is far less worth the braggadocio that they so consistently post about.

The reason as to why you see such toxic masculine reinforcement toxicity and a fetishtic love for threatening violence being lauded among these insular incels is quite simple, fore as af yet, there’s no such thing as Viaga for ongoing political impotence, but the dual actions of degrading women as they engage in self-pleasuring themselves with gun oil, seems to be doing the trick, as Time marches ever forward.

What I find amusing when looking at this post with fresh eyes as it were, is the pride of their ownership woven throughout, concerning their collective lack of knowledge in regards to the current sociopolitical landscape at large that they have found themselves stumbling through. And density, when combined with a sense of paranoic victimhood, is never a recipe you want to bring to any form of fruition.

However in this case, it’s also ludicrously overconfident as well, given that while there is a certain amount of credibility to Lowery’s assertion that “they” control the mass-media platforms, he then stunningly goes on to list the tools that he feels will help he and his like-minded Patriots to victoriously overcome the shadowy cabal who allegedly control the World entire.

Why is this funny, you ask? Maybe it’s due to my observation that the conduit of use concerning every one of these so-called weapons, save for the mythical “God”, IS ALSO CONTROLLED BY “THEM” AS WELL, so the best of luck circumventing that hedgerow of thorns.

 For if “they” truly don’t want your message of revolution getting out, you’ll soon find yourself along with your allies, sending communiques via smoke signals, and given your disparagement if Native Americans, your odds of finding a familiar linguist open to assisting your cause, will be close to zero, at best.

Keep in mind, that the abominable events of January 6th proved behind a shadow of any doubt that for some of these cosplaying Conservatives, there is no line that they won’t cross, if given the opportunity to do so, and we should take declarations like this seriously, rather than dismiss them as nothing more than idle venting. Especially when they have a long history of posting barely veiled passive-aggressive tripe:As a person who considers himself to be fairly well-grounded within the comforting warmth of that which is proven reality, the cerebral gymnastics required for a previously rational human being to willingly mutate into a hateful and potentially dangerous haranguer, is, quite honestly, beyond the proverbial beach for me.

This isn’t a societally selfless offer of masculine protection, it’s at best, a giant red flag that maybe this particular person  needs to be on a specific list somewhere, That is, if he hasn’t been placed on one already,

Not only do they speciously portray themselves as the, and I will not apologize for this assessment, Great White Hope that will save our allegedly fallen Republic, they’re also under the erroneous assumption that no other group is certifiably tasked with the defense of the country they claim to love, despite hating the majority of their fellow Americans within it.

Nevertheless, they still see enemies everywhere, despite all evidence to the contrary. And as I am a fan pf the rational, I cannot, and will not, grant any oxygen to the hate that these faux patriotic pinheads happily guzzle, as if it were forbidden mead clandestinely acquired from the wine cellars of Odin himself.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a rather uncomfortably large part of my psyche that hopes that somewhere out there in the world, there’s a family of Bigfoot just living their best lives, but until TMZ captures it on tape, I’m just going to keep this theorem of mine to myself, for the time being, unlike the fantasies that Lowery and his fellow f**ktards feel the need to propagate, sans logic or credible proof.

Regardless of what’s going on in the outside world, Lowery, and the other honorary members of his Fearful Fighters Brigade, see the machination of Fascism everywhere, except from inside their own house, where quite truthfully, almost all of the phone calls engineering the infliction of such, have been coming from as of late.

When it gets right down to the brass shells pf the matter, I only want to watch the action-adventure flick “Red Dawn” every now and then, but these jingoistic jackasses? They want tom live it, and every one of them, envisions themselves as Patrick Swayze while doing so:

The imaginary enemies of the moment come and go, but the need to not be considered a dickless wonder by your fellow couch-riding sociopaths, remains strong as ever. Color me curious, but just how exactly, would a guy who just gave the master game plan away to subvert Big Tech, by using Big Tech to disseminate it, overcome a united and heavily fortified coalition invading our shores?

By laying out his battle strategy from inside the air-conditioned War Room of the United Nations HQ, would be my guess. I honestly don’t know if QAnon issues merit badges for Sociopathy to deserving recipients, but if they do, I’d like to nominate Lowery here for going above and beyond the call of duty, even if it’s only so that Homeland Security can hopefully keep an eye on him.

And while this is the sort of badass chest thumping behavior is exactly what you’d expect from conservative men, to their credit, they’re more than willing to shelve their misogyny somewhat, when one of their equally as guntarded gals, wants in on the fun:

What I really do enjoy about this meme however, is that despite its being posted by a woman, our two little ladies of the hoped-for Purge here, are still depicted as being ever so busy in the kitchen baking goodies for their big strong domestic kings, rather than flexing their 2A prerogative, like the men we’ve seen thus far. I could be wrong of course, but when was the last time you saw the female gender depicted such as this, taking no guff from their societally enforced Better Homes and Garden expectations?

Thanks. That’s what I thought too. Now, even given the sociopathic tendencies Whittaker lauds in her presentation of our two Susie Homierakers here, apparently there was still the need for her metaphorical next-door neighbor, to set us straight on just who we really need to keep an eye out for:

Does anyone remember all those anti-vaxxers that quit their jobs over enforced mask mandates? I’m starting tin think that some of them like Mcallister here, found gainful employment as reverse projectors, given how much they cast their accusatory glare at everybody else, save for themselves. Say what you will about Liberals, and Conservatives often do as we’ve seen without any semblance of proof, but it’s pretty rare for me to consistently come across a comment like this, on leftist-themed pages:Without question, this is a repulsive statement to publicly declare, much less stand behind, and it has less to do with the improper use of a period at the end of it, rather than Breeden’s failure in possessing the proper reservoir of Humanity that should have prevented its inception in the first place.

Let us not dismiss this wish for horrific retribution as nothing more than the perverse desires of an obviously warped mind, such as it may be, but focus instead, on the natural culmination of what happens when FOX news, QAnon, and OAN, have a paranoia-fueled threesome, and leaves the resultant uncared-for progeny outside of a Trump rally. If you need any substantiation for my theorem, look no further than this prime example of sociopathic disconnection to all that is reasonable and civilized:In all honesty, I cannot even begin to envision what degree of personal trauma DiFatta was subjected to, that seemingly turned him into a psychopathic fanboy of the very late Vlad Tepes, but holy f**king Jesus on a crutch dude, go seek out some counseling ASAP. before you’re ordered to do so, before an act of legal intervention, turns into one of forced incarceration within a cell wallpapered with bubble wrap.

I don’t know how many n=more times I have to say this, but if you’re openly [posting material that encourages act of barbarism against your fellow humans based on ideological differences, maybe the ongoing series of imaginary problems you’ve deemed the purview of the “Woke” enemy that you’ve allowed free rent within that block of granite you wittily call a head, isn’t the real issue, but the fellowship of the company you prefer instead.

As I’ve noted ad nauseam over the last four years, for people who consistently decry the actions of the so-called “Violent Left”, they do seem to spend a fair amount of time concocting violent revenge fantasies straight out of the Dark Ages, do they not?

And just what crimes, pray tell, would Difatta deem worthy of a death like this? Murder? Rape? Pedophilia? Good candidates all, if he were overseeing a reboot of feudal society, but my as of yet unpunctured by a wooden pole gut, tells me something quite different.

Even if I were to play Devil’s Advocate, I’d still surmise that if DiFatta and his like-minded sociopaths ever found themselves in charge of issuing life or death proclamations, the allegorical field of poles would host a range of supposed enemies ranging from openly gay people, to those who would dare report accurately on the actions of a Mango-tinted individual who DiFatta wishes to see, and that by any means necessary, recoup the reins of power.

Key word being; “recoup”. Need proof yet again? You ask, I provide:

Personally, what I particularly enjoy about this photo from a writer’s point of view, is the look of joyous glee on both the face of the future sandwich artist at Subway, and what I can only assume is her nanna, sharing her life experience regarding just how great America used to be, before them damn darkies and queers ruined everything by being granted the same inherent rights as the rest of us: “I won’t speak for you sweetie, but the thought of murdering people I don’t like, is certainly the best way to make Jesus notice your ol’ Garndmama here… oh wait, did I say “Jesus”? I meant Donald Trump.”

But maybe I’m being too overly critical in concern to DiFatta, for after all, there’s no real evidence that he might be a tad off his rocker or anything like that, based on his posting a singular image alone, am I right? I mean, in order for me to even sell the punchline, I’d need something, hell, anything, that truly suggests that his symbolic screws are ratcheted a thread or two far looser than they should be

Man, no wonder the writers at “The Onion” have started freelancing for NPR: when acquiring the absurd from the ether of what constitutes reality is this easy, what’s the point of attempting to craft the perfect joke for the world entire, when it’s already been done for you? I don’t know if I should thank DiFatta for doing the heavy lifting here, or if I should be enraged for his making me feel like I’m phoning it in.

Probably a little bit of both, in my ever-so-humble opinion.

Nevertheless, it actually does get stranger, because after reading some of the inaner commentary exhibited within DiFatta’s Facebook banner, or after perusing his profile photo, your assuming that he’s just yet another Trump supporting supremacist wackadoo, would be dually right and wrong

In an unforeseen plot twist, when DiFatta self-identifies as a “Nationalist”, he ‘s not doing so in the traditional sense, which is commonly accepted as being either; “an advocate of or believer in nationalism”, or “a member of a political party or group advocating national independence or strong national government”, positions generally regarded these days, as being associated with the White Supremacy movement, which to be quite clear, DiFatta is NOT an ally of, in any way, shape or form.

Here’s where it gets weird though, and the reason why, comes straight from DiFatta himself courtesy of a comment in regards to a photo of Donald Trump’s bought-for star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, being vandalized with a traditional Native American Swastika, rather than the bastardized version created by notorious dictator Adolf Hitler: that perfectly encapsulates Trump’s attempts at a political legacy:

Despite the mangling of the Queen’s English, you did read hat right. DiFatta apparently, identifies as being Native American. This in and of itself, is no big deal, as the beauty of America is that you can follow whatever ideology you please, regardless of color, creed, or caste, but does it strike you as odd, that a self-declared First American would be a devotee of a person who quite literally, represents everything f**ked-up about the one race that most blatantly, stole the land right out from under his forefathers?

No offense intended dude, but if you want to make the Whites suffer for their transgressions of the past, just open a tourist trap on the side of any interstate within the confines of New Mexico, and charge the culturally insensitive morons traveling through from Vermont, seventy-five times the actual production cost of the “Native” items you had manufactured in China, just like every other tribe in the Southwest does.

And while this option may deny you the presence of a Tapioca Tepes who most likely, would want those poles you’re so fond of gold-plated, you’ll at least have the satisfaction of knowing that your casinos are actually going to remain open longer than six months at a time. Granted, you’ll still have the urge every ow and then to create a screaming forest out of us woke do-gooders, but in time, that need will fade as you slowly come back to what us normal folks call rationality:Dammit. Looks like my optimism has reared it’s ever so adorable head yet again, and totally misread the room, as usual. Apparently, Di Fatta has discovered a methodology that’s far more efficient if not pre-approved by the Republicans, in order to make the culling process for implantation that much easier instead. So, in hindsight, I guess I’ll just keep an eye on my local CNN affiliate to see if he eventually does, because mythical Lord knows, they won’t be discussing it on Newsmax if he ever commits to putting his personal wish list into action.

Speaking of unhinged fantasies made flesh, I’d like to now introduce you all, to one Dave Burggraf, who as you can see, would be an absolute shoo-in for being cast as “Comic Book Guy”, if the Simpsons ever decided to go all in, and commit to a live-action feature:

Oops. I’m ever so sorry. That’s actually s picture of said “Comic Book Guy” from The Simpsons, and not Burggraf. In my limited defense however, let me just say that it’ was an honest mistake: here now, is the “real” Burgraf, resplendent in all of his simmering contempt:

Well… he looks friendly as f**k, does he not? On a related tangent, if the CBG acting gig falls through, Burggraf could always make a living (according to Google Image Search) posing for mugshots, as he sort of resembles every one that’s ever taken of a guy with a beard and a bad attitude in regards to society:

Admit it… it is kind of a weird coinkydink, and still funny, no matter who you are. But all jokes aside, just what kind of person does Burggaf present himself as online? Does he fit into the “keep an eye on that guy” parameters that Lowery Porter most certainly does, or is he simply no more than an ill-informed crank comfortably placed within the demographic of those who believe in the veracity of Trump’s honesty?

I guess you’ll just have to decide for yourself, given his bio bucket list

To retort, given Burggraf’s appearance, I’d say the last thing that he truly overcame, was the need to exercise. As to his deflation to “Make your faith greater than your fear”, I’d have to call bullspit, as the entire nucleus of religion. is predicated upon the application of fear throughout Literally, the Bible itself says in Hebrews 12:28, that “Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear”, so good luck with that.

And lastly, I must address his obviously passionate dedication expressed in all-caps, to forcing whomever “took” it, to, and I quote; “GIVE BACK THE RAINBOW”. So, either I have to stop buying Skittles on the off chance that I’m directly funding their efforts at rainbow containment, or I definitely need to pay more attention at the next GLAD meeting I attend. Now overall, none of these opinions cause me much worry, as the first two are really more of a personal choice, and in regards to the last… well, good luck in taking back an icon from a community that for decades, has refused to give us back Cher and Madonna.

But here’s where Burggraf starts getting dark, as it were:Other than the fact that I have no idea what Strickland’s issues with TikTok’s lip-syncing videos are, as like most punch-drunk cage pugilists, he’s deliberately omitted the necessary subtext to provide clarity for his context, I’d call attention to Burggraf’s rather bizarre promoting of the inane submission that self-neutering as a panacea for ending what he considers to be both a social scourge if not a definable threat to the breeding stock of this country, seems a tad bit extreme, when this meathead could just as easily, not watch them in the first place.

But to each his own I guess, even if the own that’s being openly lauded, is seemingly bats**t insane, if not worrisome to the general thinking public at large..

While it may seem that at worst, Burggraf is campaigning to be the next in poster boy for Betas hoping to be taken seriously one-day as Alphas, it would be a pointless endeavor at best, for as is the case with most of his craven conservative contemporaries, deep inside, he knows that such accreditation will never be accorded to him. Hence his need to post delusionally pathetic societal revenge porn straight out of an 80’s A-Team episode:

Yes, the guy who altered a Komatsu D355A bulldozer by adding layers of steel and concrete on top of it to serve as ersatz armor, and then went on a criminal rampage in order to wipe the small town of Granby, Colorado off the proverbial map after losing a civil suit against the city, was “reasonable” in Burggaf’s estimation. During this two-hour hissy fit that culminated with the suicide of the cowardly twat who fomented it, Granby saw several of its downtown businesses completely destroyed, most notably, its City Hall, as well as the home of its former mayor.

Despite someone being in the home at the time, and the fact that this testicle-lacking cuck had installed two rifles in custom-fitted ports, shooting off no less than fifteen rounds at cops, power transformers and propane tanks from inside his mechanized tamper-tantrum, it stands that the only grievous injury suffered by anyone, was the self-inflicted singularity by the lone hand of the hemorrhoid analog that Burggraf feels will be granted some form of respectful homage to, and that, sooner than later.

However, the desire to inflict politically inspired violence against one’s supposed adversaries is nothing new, nor is it strictly the sole province of Right-wing partisanship either. There has been plenty of instances of Leftist inspired terrorism over the years, but when it comes to sheer consistency of production, the Right, in this regard at least, does it far better than any Anarchist group I’ve ever heard of

When you see something like this display, proudly erected outside the Capitol building prior to the January 6th riot inspired by the blatantly false conspiracy theory that the 2020 election was “stolen” from Donald Trump, it should come as no surprise to witness his cultist fan-base, openly posting images like this, on social media months after the non-issue of non-existent voter fraud was succinctly addressed:Comforting, is it not, that the very same people who view reprehensible depictions such as this as no less than the most civil of political debate, are also the ones that feel that they should be the ones in charge of the national direction concerning the ethics of political decorum, if not its procedural laws?

Say what you will about the Left, but at least when we throw a party involving a Pinata, we make sure that it’s filled with non-sentient candy, and not a functioning colon, as a rule of thumb.

The theoretical question of just how the NAZI’s Final Solution the Jewish Question came to pass, is perfectly illustrated here: if you enemy is to ever be eradicated from the progress of your influence, than the necessity to see and sell them as anything but less than human to those slavishly devoted to your movement, is nothing short of crucial.

This strategy is as old as Time itself, and has been utilized in various forms, ranging from the mildest application that eventually created what we now know as April Fool’s Day, to the most extreme, which has led not only to the Hydra that currently markets itself as modern-day Trumpism, but in due course, full -blown Fascism as well, if we allow it to advance past the boundaries it has already eclipsed.

Nevertheless, I could just be crying “Wolf” here, since in all applied logic, it’s quite the leap from expressing the desire to lynch your imaginary enemies online, to actually undertaking such action in direct and openly unabashed, view of the public at large, am I right?

Of course, I am. Thank goodness. Can you imagine just how bad the party directly responsible for inciting such an act of insurrection would feel afterwards? Why, they would be absolutely wracked with guilt, let me tell you. Wracked, I say. Certainly, they would leave no stone unturned in their quest for bringing those directly involved to Justice, all aspect of personal politics aside:

Or…  they could just collectively choose to remain the same brain-dead, non-researching, reality disbelieving, total f**king cultist idiots that we’ve had to put up with for the six years. Either/or. Place your bets, Ladies and Gentlemen, and be warned, because the odds are most definitely with the house regarding this one.

If anything, Trump’s slack-jawed putz parade has only doubled down on its inane sense of being unrighteous victimized since the proverbial chickens have come to roost, and it’s ever so much fun to watch them spin against a tide that they have no definable hope of stopping, irrespective of how much they whine about it on social media:

I won’t speak for you of course, but when faced with such a devastatingly intellectual counter-argument such as the one Radoslovich is laying out here, I’m almost tempted to put Donnie back in the driver’s seat for another attempt at securing his Fascist legacy. Or I would be, if was half as f**kingly delusional as this Conservative guttersnipe presents herself to be.

With no due respect to the foul-mouthed intellectual void I’m lambasting here, thus isn’t a case of “He said / She said”, nor is it a singular eyewitness account of a crime either. This was a mass riot, fomented by a treasonous Mango-tinted seditionist, broadcast worldwide as it happened, by not only the established Media, but in many cases, ironically by the perpetrators of the insurrectional action themselves. .

But yeah… nothing to see here folks, for as this picture clearly shows, this is nothing more than a candid snapshot of a simple  patriotic tourist, going about his daily business, after acquiring a souvenir from what I can only assume, is one of the higher-end gift shops located within the Capitol itself:

As Radoslovich’ noted; ” the hearing is a sham”, which, when we’re presented with her viewpoint, perfectly mirrors her intellect, sense of nationalism, and inherent gift for selectively cherry-picked amnesia, as displayed above. Shockingly, reality doesn’t bend to your will just because you want it to, because if that was the case, Milla Jovovich and I would be living in an open relationship, along with my totally-cool-with-it redheaded GF of 13 years in an artsy warehouse loft complex, located just off the docks, in downtown Manhattan.

If Donald Trump had displayed a third of the physical flexibility that his adherents do mentally, trying to absolve him of his beyond reproach guilt in regards to the events of January 6th, Stormy Daniels would have been the one happily cutting that 130K personal check for that incident of naughty bouncy fun time that they collectively engaged in. However, Radoslovich is not alone in painting a different picture of what really occurred that day and it’s expected consequences, and when I say “painted”, I literally mean it:

What an image. Powerful. Invocative. Heart-wrenching. And in all reality, the very best example of a paint by numbers online art class graduate, using a two-ton pile pf horses**t as their primary medium, that I’ve ever seen. And keep in mind, I’ve been to Art Basel no less than four times. I will say however, that I do find Amber’s illustrative concern for her fellow morons quite touching, even if it is wholly misdirected, undeserved, and blatantly false in its depiction of what Trump’s bloviating base see as a political prisoner.

Granted, while I don’t know much about the modern-day penal system, I’m also equally confident that a suspect being detained in such, isn’t chained up barefoot in leg irons, suffering the cruelest of abuse at the hands of their jailer, finding themselves forced to mark the passage of time by scribing their cell walls with what I can only assume, would be their own repurposed feces, would be a standard day to day policy that current institutes of correction would actively be engaged in. .

However, these poor victims of their own self-delusion do get to keep some semblance of personal pride, thanks to their captors graciously allowing them to retain ownership of the Chinese-made Trump hats that serve as an icon of remembrance concerning the ideology that put them in that Dungeon of Democracy in the first place, so it’s not like their undeserved stay at Club Fed ought to be considered a total washout, now, should it?

In the end, the main feeling that resonates within me when I gaze upon this piece of NASCAR Gift Shop designer art made pixels, is best described by the word “steadfast”. Despite all that he has inflicted upon them, their friends, their family, and the country they supposedly love, while concurrently hating almost everyone who resides within it alongside them, these yak-brained yokels still swear allegiance to the one man who said he would save them, then left them to rot, when they could no longer feed his ego 24/7.

And in a refreshing change of pace, for once, I’m not talking about God. Well, at least the traditional one from the Bible anyway, who as of late, has found himself swapped out for a Mango-tinted *עֵגֶּל הַזָהָב ‘ēggel hazāhāv for no other reason than the fact that said pork-pie with a toupee, makes them feel far more relevant than they really are, or will ever be considered again, in the near (or far-reaching) future.
*[“Golden calf” in Hebrew]

Nevertheless, for a guy who claims to “love” his people so much, he’s been curiously quite in regards to assisting their collective effort to make bond and get out of jail. But in his limited defense, he’s been very busy ducking subpoenas, whipping up frenzy concerning his Big Lie, and contemplating new schemes of grift, to really give a rat’s ass about those he led to ruin.

However, such wry observations are moot in the Age of Apostolic Trump Deism, as evidenced by noted conservative token Candy-ass Owens, whose willingness to please her allegorical Massas, almost single-handedly has made Samuel L Jackson’s depiction of Stephen Warren, the head house slave for the villainous Calvin Candie in the movie “Django Unchained”, appear as if he were channeling Richard Roundtree in “Shaft” for inspiration.

And no, I will not be apologizing for that comparison, especially after reading this asinine post of hers:  

So, my modern-day Stephanie Fetchit, it’s the “Left” that’s in a cult?

Well, that would explain why we‘re always sporting those Chinese-made Obama hats, festooning our diesel-fume-belching trucks with various Biden signs and bumper stickers, ,attending all those post-election Nuremberg-themed Clinton rallies, and let’s nit let us forget, even for a moment, that sixth day in January where we en masse, stormed the Capitol in a desperate and failed attempt to get Al Gore installed as the “legitimate” President.

Jesus Christ Candy-ass, I know you’re really into fellating the boots of your contemporary colonizers, but if you take anything further down your already overworked throat, you’ll be able to give a spit-shine just by slightly constricting your larynx. I’ve seen (and heard) some brain-dead political takes out of this here indentured Republican House-girl here, but this one may just take the cake.

How, pray tell, are “we” the ones in a cult?

I don’t recall us doing any of the above once our election run was over, I honestly don’t have a recollection of us forgiving treason, adultery, alleged pedophilia, and self-admitted sexual assault by using the rationalization that our guy “wasn’t a politician”, and I most definitely cannot, for the life of me, vaulting a racist, misogynistic, lech into higher office on the sole reason that they were as lacking in moral character as I am when presented with an opportunity to score some free Ding Dongs.

For instance, this is how we presented our still highly-respected candidate to the world entire:

Thoughtful. Humble. Intelligent. And most importantly, dignified. Possessing a steadfast and steely resolve to get the hob done, regardless of the effort involved to traverse the difficult road ahead. A depiction that for the most part, a grave responsibility he willingly and solemnly, shouldered for the eight years he so dutifully served,

But your guy?  Honestly, If I were ever forced to be diplomatic, bordering on the charitable in concern to your mentally obese Alt-Right White Knight, I’d wryly suggest that the only thing dignified about your mango Mussolini, is that at least in this case, he isn’t portrayed here leering over a 14-year-old:

Regardless of what you may think of this fever-dream, after a while, this art does start to come off as less than propaganda, and more akin to a branding campaign for discount political Viagra. I cannot ever recollect seeing a piece of partisanship that screamed “Small Dick Energy” half as much as this one so brazenly does, save for this laughably regrettable one from my childhood:

To be fair, Herr Twittler does pull the tank motif off far better than Dukakis ever could have, but that’s really more based on the fact that due to his status as an example of a living caricature, it easily checks all the boxes required by his slavishly stupid fan-base requires for their limited intellectual capacity to be salved.

Let’s recap the iconography here: Is there a tank, symbolizing America’s military strength, even if Cadet Bone Spurs here, did pay his way out of serving his country when asked to? Check. Are there fireworks going off randomly in the background, as a way to represent the patriotism of the man who openly bartered his business loyalty to China, and his personal allegiance to Russia? Check.

Is Trump, the self-declared ”Man of the People” depicted wearing an outfit 90% of his aficionadas don’t own? Check.Are there, fluttering in the patriotic wake left behind him, free-flying notes of currency, signifying that he has cash to burn, as most of it used to belong to his perpetually fleeced supporters? Check.

Is he standing in front of a ridiculously oversized American flag so that we can be reminded despite all evidence to the contrary, that he works for us, and not Putin? Check.  Is there an automatic assault rifle depicted as well, in order to certify that he’s president who really believes in the 2A, despite banning all such weapons at his rallies and public appearances out of fear for his own safety? Check.

And lastly, is there an American Bald eagle leading the charge, even though one of its fellows  once gloriously tried to take off Trump’s face during a commercial shoot?

Check to the motherf**king hells yeah. I’m not gonna lie here, but it’s so nice to see Donnie cringe, in lieu of deliberately creating it for once. I’m mt sure why said American icon went after the worst one this country has ever produced, but I’d bet solid Benjamins that as a known scavenger, it probably mistook Trump’s hair for a dead marmoset, and figured it was a good time to break for lunch.

But this frivolity aside, if you need any proof that the Candy-ass kettle calling the pot black is hilariously hypocritical, just check out this ever so normal posting, detailing just how so-not-in-a-cult his sycophantic base of boneheads really aren’t:

I may be somewhat off-base here, but if Jesus were to appoint a champion on Earth, I’d like to think that he’d have a much better set of candidates to option, rather than choose a man who treats the Ten Commandments in the same way that he treats his family, friends, and country. And as for his expected servitude, a man who has spent his entire life surrounded by those who jump at his beck and call, sure isn’t going to be willing to act as one himself, anytime soon.

I can see that you may still be wavering on this point. Well, there’s this delusional fantasy to consider, wherein one overly optimistic Trumpite by the mane of Daisy Chey posits a vision of a modern-day Camelot, minus the charm, the class, and the presence of the physical attractiveness that set the Kennedys apart, long before the Trump clan was even a consideration in regards to such:Other than the reality this horror show is not how political dynasties are actually established, what are the odds that any of these ethically challenged gene pool rejects, could go the full distance? Trump himself, could only manage a personal best of 1-0, Ivanka always sounds like she’s asking a question even when she’s being dead silent, and Don Jr. would probably be caught raiding the evidence closets of the DEA the first moment he got a chance.

And when it comes to Eric… well, it’s probably not a very good idea to give the nuclear codes to someone who looks as if his DNA was test-run through Gary Busey’s colon first.  And as for Baron’s eventual ascendence, I’ll just say that since I can’t recall ever seeing him with his alleged dad at any point during the run of Trump’s failed presidency, I’m going to assume that he was actually no more than a prop on loan from the very same studio that once considered Donnie a bankable entertainment asset.

if you haven’t figured it out by now, fantastical role=playing and the unquestioning acceptance of such, is a key component to the faux mythos surrounding all things Trumpian, and nowhere is this more self-evident than in just how the world’s angriest Creamsicle is marketed to his defectively American public, irrespective of his widely known flaws of personal character.

In Trumpland, Donnie isn’t ever depicted as what he truly is; that being morbidly obese, cowardly, and dumber than a bag of drunken rocks- instead he’s portrayed as the sole possessor of admirable qualities that he has not, and quite perceptibly, has never had to begin with  

Allusions abound, such as his being a man of Virtue, even though he cheats on his wife and lusts after his own daughter, or being lauded as displaying Bravery, despite it only making an appearance when he’s behind either a podium or a social media account, far removed from the sight of his intended target, and when it comes to his track record for personal Loyalty… WAHAHA WAHAHA WAHAHA WAHAHA WAHAHA WAHAHA!!!!

Sorry, that made me almost cough up my kidneys, given how that word and he have never been in the same room, much less on the same planet. However, my favorite non-entity out of the seething vile pile, just may be his self-declared assertion of being both devastatingly handsome, if not irresistibly charismatic to a fault. And I do mean “fault”, because if you recall, this is what he actually looks like:
It’s ’truly shocking I tell you, that some people would ever openly suggest that this virile hunk of mentally languid lard-cake, has had to pay women in the past to either f**k him, or keep their mouths shut in open court, isn’t it? A Mystery for the Ages, as the scholars on the Hitler Channel are fond of saying. But such realities are nothing but an irritating trifle to the denizens of Trumplevania, who see their Mango Mussolini as nothing short of matinee idol heroic:

Maybe it’s just me, but wouldn’t you as well, pay good money to watch a movie where this larded candy-ass tries to squeeze his morbidly obese bulk into an aircraft designed for actual people?

Not to mention, think of all the scenes where, after watching nervously as he taxis down the runway, his long-suffering ex-mistress / current wife / adultery excuse / photo-op prop, finds herself emotionally crushed later on in the film, when it’s tragically revealed that the plane he was sitting in, being far too heavy to take off successfully, thereby ensures she’ll eventually see him return safely.

Color me curious, but since the only thing I’ve ever seen that eternally squinting mug of hers do is balefully glare at her boiled ham of a husband, the opportunity to see if she can safely cry without melting, is really an intellectual itch I’d like to get scratched. But to be fair, there are some in Trump’s fan base who see him not as an ersatz Stalinist strongman, but instead, view him as a true statesman, cast of the same virtuous American steel as Abraham Lincoln himself:

I don’t know what’s the most ludicrous aspect of Trump that’s being depicted here- is it his so-called love for the American value he does not possess, the inclusion of personal photos of the parents he never talks about, implying a strong family loyalty which he has never displayed, or the inanity of seeing him engaged in an activity that would necessitate inherent talent, if not an appreciation for the aesthetically ethereal, which, given the fact his personal decorating taste appears inspired by the inside o Liberace’s colon, makes this take on hos alleged character, that more farcical.

And as to the obvious incongruity of Trump’s temperament being portrayed here as one of calming introspection, I won’t even begin to debate the amount of chutzpah it must have taken for the painter of this tripe-laden tragedy to portray Herr Twitler as possessing such, but I will admit being impressed by it, nonetheless. In addition, let’s also toss some kudos his way for not only successfully reducing Trump’s standard Oompa-Loompa skin tone, but managing to somehow, minimize his Jabba the Hutt gut as well.

Seriously. Nice work, Michelangelo. I honestly do hope however, that you were prescient enough to ensure that you were paid up-front first. And in cash, no less. Now, to the casual viewer observing this narcissiic nattering from outside the boundaries of Trumpland, all of this should seem quite insane, and they would be completely spot-on regarding this acerbic assessment.

But to the resident denizens of said twat land who wish to govern over all with malevolent malice, Trump is the end-all be-all for that which is to be followed, if not slavishly worshiped:

As perfectly illustrated by the example above, your average Trump fan is less a functioning human being and more akin to what would happen if a racist urinal cake was given the barest of sentience, as well as unfettered internet access. Naturally, I just had to respond to this mentally-challenged mash note, and choosing to do so, with my stereotypical kindness and sense of decorum:

See? It’s quite possible for me to be friendly- all I have to do is concentrate. But this is what we as a country are up against- a mass of moronic slack jaws, who’s mental acuity is centered solely on eternally surrendering themselves to the petulant ire of the world’s angriest jar of discount Tang drink mix.

Not only are they ready to sacrifice all for a man who wouldn’t condescend to spit on them if they were on fire, as proven by the irreversibly damaging example of January Sixth, they’re equally willing as well, to allegedly rise up and in their oft-repeated words; “Take America Back’.

Now from whom, is still the operative question to be answered, but fortunately for this crew of cravens, the answer seems to be everyone whose lips aren’t super-glued to Trump’s porcine ass, as well as a cabal of imaginary enemies, ranging from Antifa assassins, to the ever-popular boogeyman, the NWO, AKA; the New World Order. And if that doesn’t fuel the fire, combine one lunacy-inspired theorem from Conspiracy Column A, and one from Conspiracy Column B, and run with it:

What our friend Jimmy here is referring to, is the Corona-virus-inspired purchase of body bags in anticipation of future outbreaks, or what Jimmy would call “a plot to kill us all”. Other than the stereotypical conservative method of only telling half the story, Jimmy also neglects to mention just who he and his fellow faux patriots would be taking on with their mail-order ammo and camo, that being, the US Government.

And just in case that visualization wasn’t enough to make you laugh given the absurdity of your average Trumpite successfully fighting an enemy that can quite literally, fly a missile down your fireplace, keep in mind this is the hardened warrior that told us all to clean our weapons and “fix bayonets” for the battle to come:
If I saw this advancing towards me across the manicured suburban lawns of combat, I would do one of two things: either, I’d throw a box of pork rinds at him as a distra5tipon maneuver, as i casually sauntered away, or if I wanted to induce fatality, I’d just slowly ascend a flight of stairs, and watch him suffer a coronary as he attempts to scale them at a running pace. And lest you think sort of delusion is new only to the inclusion of Trump’s influence, check out this post from five years ago:

To be certain, this is just what we’ve come to expect from the party of irrational inanity, but even so, there’s still a new twist to be found within this gem of a mental meltdown. Sure, there’s the list of unsupportable demands, the mangling of the Queen’s English, if not the King’s grammar, but what I really enjoy about this, is where jerry calls for his fellow patriots to be, and I quote: “BE REOPENED AND REINVESTIGATED”, which quite honestly, sounds somewhat uncomfortable, if not personally invasive.

All jokes aside, I am aware that Sellers was most certainly referring to the legal cases enacted against these people, but it still showcases his need to be considered relevant to the national discussion, even if said debate, only takes place inside his own head  Because if you do, the consequences could be far more “sever” than you could ever realize. And just how, you may ask, does the Conservative movement think that these allegorical consequences should be delivered?

Well, our old pal Jimmy Frost, has the answer:Tell me again, if you would, just exactly why we consider these people to be no less than sociopaths sprinkled with just a dash of domestic terrorism? Because honestly, it remains a mystery to me. So according to Jimmy whom I’ll refer to here as the “big guy” because despite its accuracy, “lard-ass” seems rude, thinks that maybe one day, it’ll be the” little guy” who, eventually takes out both the “elitists” and their “tricks”, whatever the f’k that means.

Correct me if I’m wrong here, but as the definition of “Elitist” is designated as being; “a person who believes that a society or system should be led by an elite”, doesn’t that mean that his continuing support of Donald Trump, a supposed billionaire, a socialite, and a former president, makes him by proxy, an interconnected elitist himself? I generally don’t offer advice to someone this intellectually dense, but you just might want to distance yourself from this particular aspect of the End Days.

However, I could still see some of you believing against hope that at its worst, all of this is just more bluster from the buffoon brigade, and if it were any other time period than the one we’re currently living through now, I might even agree. But that optimism tends to fall apart whenever I see something like this:

Yup. That’s a depiction of our current president, hogtied in the back of a truck, being proudly displayed for all to see, and in broad daylight, no less. I have to admit, this newest crop of cultural demagogues, is most definitely not shy about expressing their sickest impulses, as they decry the imaginary ones of the specific people that they choose to dislike, in order to feel “more than” what they actually are, which is pathetic:

Tell me again, if you would, just exactly why we consider these people to be no less than sociopaths sprinkled with just a dash of domestic terrorism? Because honestly, it remains a mystery to me. Oh wait- I believe I asked that question already, but unlike the last time I did, the answer is now well within reach.

The simplest one that comes to mind, is this: while they’re not part of an officially recognized cult that posits violence as the ultimate solution to the issues that they conceive within the sewer that is their movement, they sure as hell play one out in the public. Oh, who in the f’k am I kidding? They’re not only in a cult, but one that’s actively recruiting using the time-tested “Fear of the Other” tactic that I covered earlier. within this screed

Now, when I look upon this person, I don’t perceive what I would normally consider to be a credible threat- if anything, I’d disparage him as yet another brainless yokel with a jingoistic streak, and a need for a best friend, if only to tell him that he looks like a low-end 4th of July parade float that was modeled after the fashion sense of Vanilla Ice:

While this entire ensemble is in and of itself, quite the fodder for overall mockery, it’s also a solid indicator of just how far removed from actual Reality that these Trumpian Troglodyte have willingly fallen, in order to garner the approval of a person who at best, considers them to be no more that useful idiots to be discarded as soon as their usefulness expires in relation to that singular task.

This theorem of mine, proven beyond reproach after the events of January sixth, where his base catches the metaphorical bullets meant for him, and this fervor of unwavering faith, is what truly lubricates the Trump juggernaut.

Warm bodies and their disposable souls go in, disturbingly devoted Republican Replicants come out, armed with new marching orders. And those orders, not only include the dissemination of conspiracy theories, but threats, both veiled and direct as well, along with untenable demands upon society for cultural assessments not based within any realm of that which can be solidly verified. But even with the events of January sixth still burning into the social conscience, do we really need to be concerned about these mentally menial morons? You tell me:Oh boy. We may be forced to pull an all-nighter regarding this one, methinks. But once again, I’m sure that this isn’t a commonality to be found within the wilds of the Internet, right? I mean after all, how many unhinged lunatics with both web access and a gun fetish could there possibly be?

Ok… but even so, I’m 100% certain that from an overall perspective, guns in the hands of the politically unhinged cannot conceivably, be that big of an issue. Because in essence, these people are all true-blue patriots. Misguided to be sure, but Americans still, full of nothing but love and respect for their fellow…Um… this might seem somewhat disturbing to be sure, but isn’t it sort of reassuring to see a woman enjoying the same things that a guy does and at the same level of intensity? Of course, it is. I just need to look on the positive side of things. In fact, here’s another dynamite gal just back from her cosplay event:

Holy f’k. Are there any people left in the Republican camp that aren’t goddamn insane? Seriously. Isn’t there at least one brave soul, who still believes in the necessity of gun laws, as a rule? Oh wait, here’s one, thank the allegorical maker above. For a second there, I thought it was going to be another guntard…

…and apparently, my initial hunch was correct. To be fair, Nguyen here is a repeat offender for this sort of declaration, so this posting isn’t so much a shock, as it is a vital reminder that it would probably be best as his neighbor, not to forget to return his lawn mower spotlessly clean and with a full tank of gas, when you’re done borrowing it.

Nevertheless, this outcropping of sheer lunacy is arguably derived from political differences, so I guess we’ll have to take that into account, if only to hopefully view the situation at hand with an objective eye. After all, it’s not like anyone’s just walking around looking for a fight over the long-overdue advancement of the cultural understanding of what American minorities go through. That would be just crazy.

One day, and that hopefully in the very near future, I’m going to start listening to the voice of my inner cynic, instead of just consistently drowning it out via the melodies Zen that is the ABBA Gold CD, playing on repeat. However, I’m not completely jaded yet, as here in New Mexico, a very Blue state, there’s always the option of our political candidates who are running for office, picking up the gun control baton, and…

Will the last person out, please turn off the lights, because the Republic is doomed, if cartridge-fellating c**ts like this who are vying for office, ever get in.. Even worse, is the number of people who actually believe that Bedonie’s displaying a rifle, isn’t an obvious ploy to acquire favor among morons who despite fearing the government, still want “their” politicians to be able to open carry in our legislative house

I can personally assure you all, that despite her last name being “Tornado”, Lucia here, couldn’t blow out a match without depleting the crucial oxygen reserve that keeps her head inflated, and that’s probably a godsend, given the fact that I firmly believe she could mortally injure herself, in the attempt to make toast.

Thankfully, we’ve come to the last two individuasl on my list of persons I’ll be discussing today, and for the good of the community I feel, should not only be on a watchlist somewhere, but concurrently, should also be denied the right to unencumbered gun ownership as well. Why do I openly suggest this, you ask?

Let’s just call it a hunch, and leave it at that:

To quote Dr. Bruce Banner in Marvel’s The Avengers; “Well … this all seems horrible.” 

Let’s take an overview, if we may. Two entirely different people. Two entirely different upbringings. And yet, thanks to the influence of Trump, the GQP, Right-wing Media, and gun culture itself, we now have two possible future cautionary tales freely walking among us, openly threatening supposed enemies, promising retribution for acts allegedly inflicted upon them, and in Trujilo’s case, claiming that they can single handedly, defeat up to 2K foes, which I have to point out, is overly optimistic at best.

And as to his posting that he’s looking for an excuse to; ”pull out and unload on you”? Yeah, that just screams responsible gun owner, does it not? Now, this is not to say that there will ever come a day where either one of these two emotional castrati finally act upon their publicly stated impulses, but I definitely don’t want to be in the local vicinity, if and when they do.

The truly terrifying aspect of all of this however, is the reality that until one of the conservative choads featured within this screed actually does act out, not a single thing can be legally done. Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Expression, and all that happy jazz. And they know it, hence the strutting, the posturing, and the elevating of the implied threats.

After all, they did gleefully watch as “their” President abused his office to impend due justice, engage in selfish profiteering, slander and degrade his enemies, both real and supposed for four years without suffering any form of notable consequence, so in the end, why should it surprise anyone that they themselves, regularly say such things with arrogant impunity?

Once again, January Sixth serves as the test kitchen for this theory, and it applies to both sides. If Trump and his treasonous lackeys are allowed to escape the metaphorical noose that in a just society, would be awaiting the weight of them all, the next attempt at insurrection this Cult of the Ego launches, will be far worse- both in its scope, if not its body count.

But there is also a downside to the Democrat’s winning their justified case against these said modern-day Confederates, and it is this: even if Justice does rule on the right side of History as it should, these cultists will still want to respond with outrage, for at this point, the majority are seemingly too far gone to salvage.

The ideological divide that already exists twixt Reality and the GQP faithful, will only get wider and deeper as Time goes on, and the Libs will be most certainly, far too busy trying to make nice-nice to see the obvious danger coming straight at them. If the GQP were a horse, I’d render it into glue sticks. If it were a car, I’d sell it for scrap. If it were a stripper, I’d make certain that the only shift it worked, would be on a Tuesday afternoon, between 1pm and 4:30.

And it doesn’t get any harsher than that.

These liberty-absconding loons are just waiting in the wings, anticipating their clarion call to go forth and lay waste to all that’s been established, and pervert all that will come in its stead. Count on it. For every example I’ve displayed within this latest piece of my literary meandering, there’s scores more who for one reason or another, didn’t make the cut. And knowing that, scares me half to death.

But just for the sake of rational argument, let’s just say I’m wrong about all that I’ve opined. It could happen. I have been wrong before, as have many of you. For instance, I once joked that there would never be a Nickelback song that I would ever like, much less download, and then one fateful day, “Burn It To The Ground” came on over the radio, and a perfectly good theorem was shattered forever.

And as an aside, their cover version of “Devil went down to Georgia”, is also pretty goddamn shreddingly amazing, as well too. Just saying. So, there is a valid ghost of a chance that I could just be blowing the words and deeds of a few lone conservative cuckoos far past the boundaries of what actually is, rather than what I perceive it to be.

After all, accurate perception is key to truly unbiased understanding of a situation, and it’s not like I’ve been given a clear sign from someone who claims to be a Patriot, with a definitive plan to make America great again:

Sigh…as I said earlier; “Will the last person out, please turn off the light, because the Republic is doomed”. Or it will be, if we don’t et our collective s**t together, and that, right quick.

Woof. It’s now 12:15AM out here in the wilds of New Mexico, and I’m both tired and somewhat depressed, so I’ll wrap this up for now. And when I come back, I’ll be tackling the one issue that nobody ever gets really upset about, by asking the simple non inciting question that all of us at one point in our lives, have surely asked:

“Is there a “God”? And if so, why is so bad at the singular job he Himself created for Himself?”

“It is not the monsters we should be afraid of; it is the people that don’t recognize the same monsters inside of themself.” – Shannon L. Alder

 

 

 

 


Conspiracy Drearies Pt. 2 (Transpotting)

“Fear of the unknown and the other is the root of almost all hate. It is born of ignorance and fed by those who would keep us divided.” – Tinnekke Bebout

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

Is there anything better than finding yourself in that special pace that serves as your office away from the office, as you write between taking bites of a green chile bacon cheeseburger, as Mungo Jerry’s “In the Summertime” plays in the background? I say no. Good food, good vibes, and the occasional perk of having my Coca-Cola tab picked up by the house.

Overall, Life is better than average, if not fully carbonated.

Sure, I may have to undergo a surgical procedure straight out of Goldfinger, to fix the aneurysm issue I currently have going on in both of my eyes, but that’s just the way the dice tends to roll when you’re in your 50’s, is it not? If all goes well, I’ll soon have eyeballs of a twenty-year old, providing my team of highly trained black-market surgeons manages to get said eyeballs across the Mexican border without being caught.

Fingers crossed.

There’s an old maxim that goes; “That which is made, cannot be unmade. That which is done, cannot be undone”, and when I was younger, this sagacity underpinned my perception of just how the inner mechanics pf the Universe itself, worked. That is, I was convinced in the solidarity of the material, be it cultural, societal, or spiritual. As has just been established, not only was I quite naïve, I was also wildly optimistic in tandem as well.

At the time, I was a disciple of the theorem that nothing, regardless of what form it once possessed, was ever truly gone. I don’t believe in the constructs of Heaven and Hell, per se’, but I do ascribe to the principle that in the end, you’ll find yourself wherever your decisions placed you. For some of us, that destination will turn out to be an inferno that plays “Highlander 2” on a 24/7 loop for eternity, and for others, hopefully such as myself, our perpetuity will be spent on an island made out of Ding Dongs, where all the women look like this:

What can I say? I’m a sucker for chicks who kill zombies while looking absolutely fantastic.

All wishful thinking aside, I in my naivete, once professed a faith that when it came right down to it, people would do the right thing, and for the right reasons. However, that sanguinity has taken quite the hit over the last few years, and I can honestly say that despite the new coat of paint I slap on every few months pr so, the rust is still bubbling up. These days, while I may admit to liking Humanity as a general rule, I find most people to be a supreme disappointment overall.

If anything, I tend to look at the majority of people walking this giant ball of f**ked up space-dust and granite as living under a code that I’ve come to refer to as “The Rule of Plissken”. And what is that, you wonder?

In a nutshell, my premise is drawn from the actions of the titular anti-hero depicted in John Carpenter’s iconic film “Escape from New York”, wherein former Special Forces operator and decorated war hero of World War III, S.D. “Snake” Plissken, finds himself tasked (against his will) to rescue the American president from inside the high-security prison that once was the island of Manhattan.  If you have no idea what I’m talking about, and haven’t seen it, go stream it now, if only to see Adrienne Barbeau at her bangin’ best.

Ok. So I’ve got a type. Feel free to sue me.

At its core, the Rule of Plissken dictates that, while the right thing will always be done, the impetus for doing so, will be begrudging at best, with an eye kept out for the advantages to oneself for accomplishing the task at hand. Two examples of this, are when Snake saves Brain and Maggie, despite Brain’s betrayal, because he needs Brain’s map of the landmines on the exit bridge, and saves the President, only because he needs to save himself,

In the end, Snake is no humanitarian, a fact revealed to all of us, when he [SPOILERS!!!] swaps out the cassette tape that the President requires in order to promote peace between the nations of the world. If you think I’m being a tad bot harsh here, you may be right. As a cynic, I tend to see things in classic black & white, but there is an advantage to doing so, as I’m either always being proven right, or finding myself pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

In essence, I’m almost always in balance, unlike many of the situations and people I write about. Am I championing the concept that people are either intently good or evil? Not by a long shot. Despite the ease of labeling a spade a spade, people are not so easily classified.  

What I am saying however, is that either state of being is based solely on one’s unique perspective, experience, and the needs of the individual at the time a decision has to be made, regardless of duress or comfort. Conclusions to the legitimacy or the wickedness of an action, are as varied as the actions themselves, and just as debatable.

Eye of the beholder, and all that jazz. As the saying goes, “Perception is key”, and nowhere does there exist a better proof of concept for this assertion than the internet, where one can literally gorge themselves on the acuity of those unknown to them. I’ve beaten this dead horse before, but no matter how many time I do, it still stubbornly reanimates, as if it were Jesus at a potluck.

So, in the spirit of my last screed, I will hopefully be picking up the threads of conspiracy that the GQP has woven into a truckload of bats**t crazy area rugs, and attempt to feed them all to a cadre of overly hungry Tineola bisselliellain, in an ongoing attempt to put some sanity back into the national interior decorating discussion, where it is so desperately needed.

However, before I do that, I’d like to address some other things that have crossed my point of view as of late, and if I can’t get us reservations on the conspiracy carousel, rest assured, I’ll get us all the best of seats the next time round.

American novelist, Nathaniel Hawthorne, long before the days of instant communication was even a consideration, noted that; “Words- so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them”, and if that didn’t foreshadow what the promise of the Web has devolved into, I don’t know what does.

Interchangeably Angel and Demon, the internet has swapped out yesterday’s beer halls and coffeeshops as the public platform for launching ideas and beliefs both inspiring and insipid, and in doing so, has forever changed the perceptions and boundaries of what was once truly civil speech, replacing it instead, with a far less palatable concoction steeped in hate, fear, and rampant misinformation.

Take for instance, this lovely example of such, as posted by one of the world’s angriest Istiophoridae:
Other than the fact that this asinine statement has more tin-foil wrapped around it than Marjorie Taylor Greene at a MAGA rally, it’s also reminiscent of a greatest hits album specifically designed for, as well as by, absolute morons. Sure all the familiarly catchy songs are featured, but there’s a new tune in thrown in, if only to give the false impression that somebody worked really hard to get this 5th rate mix-tape together.

Let’s look at the playlist, shall we? While there’s the standard hooks we’ve come to expect, such as paranoia, Islamophobia and as always, abortion and White genocide, there’s not only the truly original lick of openly complaining about being unable to own bombs, [because I guess you could before?] but claiming outright that LIBERALS are, and I swear to God, this actually hurt my brain when I read it, allied AGAINST legal Marijuana, as well.

Yup. I can’t even begin to tell you all how refreshing it was to see, Sean Hannity, Lauren Boebert, and Jim Jordan all bravely come forward to decry the medical opiate industry, and tout the benefits of scheduling a regular quickie with Mary Jane. Truly, an inspiring moment in our country’s esteemed history, was it not?

However, we cannot even for a second, overlook the GQP’s newest red-meat-dog-whistle, that being the invented out of ether conservative concerns about the in-process “demasculation” of modern men, expressed here once again by a troll whose best idea for a fake profile name, was to combine a fish with his favorite substitute for his lack of penii power:

They are? Well, that definitely explains the uptick in bookstores, cupcake shops, and slathered in butter clones of Channing Tatum that I’ve witnessed just walking around shirtless. Thank mythical God. For a second there, I thought it was just me who had successfully connected the dots. 

Strangely however, these incels for all their fear of women just living their lives without their input, are also seemingly calm with same said uppity females having unlimited access to guns. Now, I won’t speak for you, but if there was a specific group of people that I was convinced were trying to take over the world, I’d be far less chill about giving them the tools to do so. Just saying.

And yet somehow, despite this nod to equality in firepower, there’s still an overall tone of condescending misogynistic creepiness to be found within this societal concession, because when it gets right down to it, these wannabe warriors still think they’re the ones that set the bar for women to limbo under:
For once, this guy is actually right. And the best way to prove that Feminism has no place in the debate regarding the 2nd Amendment, is to denigrate women to being nothing more than a short descriptive of the body parts that men like Rael, seem to think define just what a woman is.

I’d also like to call attention to the fact that “back in the day” of the Founding Father portrayed, women couldn’t vote, own property, sign contracts, bring legal suits, hold any governmental position, had no political representation, and if they earned a wage, the money was legally the property of their husbands, as were they. And when it came to women’s 2nd Amendment rights…

The issue of women owning guns was societally viewed in the same regard as was teaching them how to read- that is, while there weren’t any specific decrees forbidding it, and there could be some benefit to doing so, the need for such wasn’t considered as imperative, since the assumption that women lacked the ability to defend health and home wasn’t in their nature. But other than that annoying factoid which sinks his assessment entire, Rael is on the right track… to be run over by actual History, that is..

Shocking that such a thoughtfully intelligent guy who looks like this…

[photo credit: Rogel Rael]

… doesn’t know the first f**king thing about women’s role in American history, huh? However, in his very limited defense, it’s not like Rael has a lot of alleged experience interacting with women, as evidenced by the fact that he couldn’t even spell his own derogatory descriptive of “Tits”, correctly.

But to his credit, he did manage to nail the word “ass” with flying colors, even if he couldn’t get a piece of one to save his life, and judging from the dimensions of that pockmarked cantaloupe he wittily calls his face, I seriously doubt he’s ever gotten off of his, unless a Hot Pocket was to be had for doing so.

But as it is with all bloviating Betas wanting to be able to shop without shame in the actual Men’s section versus that of the junior Man-boy department, where they’ve acquired most of their wardrobe, if not all of their rampant misogyny, the inherent need to inform us all of who’s really the “man”, is never that far from the back of their so-called minds:
If a man is truly the King of his Castle, as the adage goes, this wannabe’s only purpose within it, is to remind his spouse that she settled for the candidate that’s sixth in line to wear the crown. And despite his posturing, this poster boy for perpetual virginity is most certainly, run like a racehorse by the women in his life, be they strangers or intimates, hence the grandstanding that they do not.

People with certifiable influence and power don’t talk about it on social media, they uncompromisingly wield it in the world of the real, and they sure as the day is long, don’t hide behind an obviously fabricated Facebook profile to do so, either. If it just so happens that this person is telling the truth about his familial demographic within his house, rest assured that there’s no way in Hell he has any form of control over three women at once.

What he does control, and that with the steel-jacketed fist of Cobra Commander, is his devastating application of self-owning and utterly pathetic chest-beating memes, such as this one:.

Yes, Marlin… the reason why you’re losing all those political battles, is because of sackless men, and not because of the ignorance, bigotry, or the divisiveness that your party wallows in as if it were a fattened sow heading to market.

Nope, it’s your fellow brotards who are dropping the ball (or their balls, if you prefer) on this one. Thank metaphorical God that they have such a shining example of greased testosterone to show them the way, once you get out from behind fake profile of yours to do so.

Pushing Marlin’s unwarranted braggadocio aside for the moment, I’m also highly suspect that such a fine specimen of manliness personified, would also feel the need to be so crude as well. As a rule, truly confident men exude strength, not vulgarity, and the fact he felt the need to tell strangers to (sigh) “#Loveyourballs” and “#BeAMan”, just proves to me that even his own hands refuse to touch him, unless he soaks them in Jack Daniels first.

If there is one single factor that accurately paints Betas as the cravenly cucks that they truly are, it’s their obsession with male genitalia, albeit their own or as is most often the case,  the set connected to those who identify as either Gay or Trans-positive. And while persons afflicted with this prurient interest can indeed, be considered as “straight”, their obsession with others testicles, is nothing less than a fetishtic disorder worth the time to study in some depth, and that, hopefully sooner than later.

Not so much to increase their capacity for personal tolerance, mind you, although that would be the ultimate goal, it’s more along the lines of making sure that we’ll never have to read a headline like this, ever again:

No, your eyes are not deceiving you, so yes… you did read that correctly. The Alt-Right’s favorite rent-boy for hire, the bitchiest Beta you’ve ever heard of, and former bow-tie aficionado, Tucker Carlson, seriously encouraged the act of tanning your testicles, as part of a “Bromopathy” regimen, an idea so stupid, if not potentially dangerous, that this may be the first time in my life that a snarky retort has eluded me.

According to Pasha Dashtgard, director of research at American University’s Polarization and Extremism Research and Innovation Lab; “This ‘bromeopathic’ idea to increase testosterone is there to counteract the effects of feminism and the feminization of the Western man, This platforming by Tucker Carlson is happening because it falls into this narrative that there is a crisis of masculinity, that cancel culture and wokeness have emasculated men in America.”

This rapidly increasing feeling of being politically, culturally, and influentially impotent, has long been a problem among Conservative men, and never more so then now, a time when (GASP!!!) women and the LGBTQ community have in tandem, made strong advances into the spheres of power that straight White men used to dominate without breaking a sweat. But it does in retrospect, somewhat explain their testes-obsessed tantrums, as their paranoiac fear that they’re about to have their personal set handed back to them in a paper bag, intensifies.

This anxiety has apparently rattled this walking representation of the German word “Backpfeifengesicht “ so much as of late, that he felt the need one night, to ask his audience of equally neutered Neanderthals a question that he himself, has probably been working on hourly, if not daily, since he attended his senior Prom arm-in-arm with his Mom:Easy answer- they’re the ones that are generally avoiding meeting your gaze whenever you try to engage them in unwanted conversation at work. But yeah… they’re the ones responsible for bringing shame upon men who act as if they were Roman Polanski at a sleepaway camp.

This non-issue, stoked into a bonfire by gelded gargoyles, such as Tucker, Mucker, Pucker, F**ker, or whatever the f**k his name is, is the newest point of faux outrage that cucks such as he feed to their base almost 24/7, in order to distract from the reality that the GQP’s standard dog and pony act is retreading it’s best as time wears on, and they have nothing else left in the allegorical closet to offer, save for their own possibly latent homosexual tendencies, as expressed below:

Sigh… the more that I read Marlin’s dumber-than-f**k posts, the more it becomes blatantly obvious that whereas the 747 of reality is concerned, he’s akin n to the Canadian Goose that’s been sucked into one of its engines. I find it interesting that for all their slanderous bluster regarding the Left being immoral, perverse, and sexually obsessed, the Alt-Right is the only one I see constantly referencing sodomy, pedophilia, men’s declining sperm count, misogynistic tropes, cross-dressing, and adultery as self-projecting talking points.

And as for criminal convictions, well the numbers speak for themselves:
Don’t trust me on this? Feel free to go do your own research, then. You know, the thing that the GQP faithful adamantly refuse to do? Granted, this chart doesn’t include the additional convictions of those affiliated with the prior Trump administration, but I think given the fact that several of his associates have been prosecuted successfully for crimes ranging from lying to the FBI to child trafficking, these numbers will remain favorable to the Dems, for quite some time to come.

White collar crimes aside, one of the other consistencies to be found within the cravenly land of conservative man-boys for whom the descriptive “incel” was specifically crafted, is the ever-pervasive, and previously alluded to, aspect of toxic masculinity, as showcased by Marlin Mossberg’s postings above. But what is that, asks every man on the planet who’s never talked to an actual woman without the benefit of a credit card?

Well, as a public service benefit for both they, and the women who wish the practitioners of such didn’t exist, I’ll tell you. The clinical characterization states that TM is; “a set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole. In relation, the destructive messages associated with toxic masculinity can lead to men feeling entitled to engage in violence against women.”

Or as Tucker Carlson would so cheerfully describe it; “Acting like a “real” man”, something Carlson is widely respected for, as he openly attacks Feminism, women’s body autonomy, and describes women not only as “extremely primitive” and “cunty”, but as “whores”, and “like dogs”, as well. Carlson, whom I suspect shamefully masturbates while dressed up as a real boy, has also suggested that it “gets women going” when men argue with them, clarifying his misogyny by saying that;

“If you’re talking to a feminist, and she’s given you, ‘Well, men really need to be more sensitive,’ no, actually, men don’t need to be more sensitive. You just need to be quiet and kind of do what you’re told.”

And just like the “Real men” he so desperately wants to be regarded as being in league with, he utters all these masculine assertions as such a man would do, from behind the safety of his desk, located inside the testosterone-soaked men’s bathroom of his bully pulpit.

All half-jokes notwithstanding, Beta cucks such as Carlson and his ilk, are literally terrified at the prospect of women having any control of the reins that they’ve held for so long, and in their worldview, the only thing more emasculating than having to acknowledge the presence of women with power, is to be equated as being one without the access to such:I don’t want to get too deep into the morass of biology here, but it seems to me, that if one set of genitals can survive pushing a human being out of it, whereas the one accorded to the opposite gender can be easily thwarted by minor contact with the edge of a kitchen table, only one really gets to claim the title of being a true badass. Just saying.

However, I do love the unintentional equivalence that not owning a gun, is akin to one being a willing Castrato against the good of society. I’m sure there’s nothing to unpack here in regards to Leyba’s alleged need to publicly overcompensate for some form of personal shortcoming, am I right? The key to this theorem of course, being the word “short”.

In Leyba’s world, “Men need to be Men” whatever the f**k that means, but my gut reaction tells me that most likely, it refers to men being selfishly boorish pricks, and women being held forcibly to the standards set by the Wives of Stepford.

Leyba, like most male cosnservacucks, simply cannot abide the thought of their fellow man being anything less than a mélange of Mel Gibson channeling Sean Connery, opining that, if young boys aren’t “taught’ to act like men by their fathers, then most certainly, outside influences will somehow, magically “turn them” into Hello Kitty loving wussies:

Newsflash? I f**king love Hello Kitty, and I can still beat your ass flatter than a Kansas pancake, because one has nothing to do with the other. And while I can split a rail with the best of them, I as a man, choose not to, because it’s no longer 1865, and Duraflame makes an excellent product that arrives at my house splinter-free.

Maybe instead of cracking logs, Leyba’s unfortunately allowed to spawn father, should have spent more time teaching him how to crack open books instead, so he’d have an information-based understanding of how the world actually works, as it’s fairly obvious from this posting, that he considers a half-truth to be a whole one:

It may surprise some of you, but overall, I actually somewhat agree with this sentiment. There has been a coarsening of society, as evidenced by America’s embrace of Trash Culture, but there’s a crucial detail that Leyba and the original poster left out of their shared narrative, and it is this: it isn’t the Left that’s cheapening the character of this country, unless you count wanting equality for all, as a detriment to creating a stronger society, which of course, the GQP base does.

But when you keep in mind, that this is one of our aspirational role models;

And that this is theirs, displaying that particularly unique blend of decorum, compassion, humanity, and raw sense of ever-so-present masculinity, that he’s heralded for world-wide, it becomes quite clear which political party reads books about a man’s role in society, and which one burns them:

This lone image, succinctly captures the pure essence of what the modern-day conservative movement currently is- hateful, ignorant, elitist, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, who’ve given full emotional investment to a self-aggrandizing, cowardly, deceitful, adulterous, treasonous man-child, who despite his decades long history of lies, graft, and betrayal, claimed at one of his ego-stroke rallies that; “I’ve got to be the cleanest, I think I’m the most honest human being, perhaps, that God has ever created.”

Nevertheless, Leyba does raise a good point about men not being gentlemen any longer, and as he did, I feel that I must give credit where credit is due, especially when he inadvertently proves his own point, by posting self-owning evidence like this:

I may not be a betting man, but I’d dare roll the metaphorical dice on the suggestion that whereas Leyba is concerned, a woman’s vagina is most certainly allegorical to a manhole cover, in the sense that for the good of society at large, he’s denied consensual access to opening one whenever the mood strikes him.

That is not to say however, that Leyba lacks the charm and wit to get lucky without the aid of a publicized trust fund and well-known heart problems, it’s more along the lines that I feel if Leyba were to ever bag and tag a model-worthy woman, she’d be the one seen posing in Hustler, rather than Playboy. Unless of course, droll banter like this truly turns on a hottie with a body:

Despite how truly immature this posting is, especially when you consider that Leyba is a middle-aged man, and not a 14-year-old boy, he is right about one thing regarding beer being better than a woman. Unlike women, Leyba can actually not only consistently pick up a beer, he can get it to willingly come home with him, without making it consume itself and five of its brothers first.

But as you’d suspect, Leyba is hardly alone in echoing this worldview where the tensile strength of one’s eventual manhood is as fragile as wet tissue paper, drawing conclusions based solely on their willful ignorance of a culture that they refuse to either attempt to understand, or ignore outright, choosing instead, to see the world entire as a place where unsuspecting children are mere centimeters away from developing a love for fashion design, if not interior decorating:
I’m curious… which “enemies” exactly, are the ones who are currently scheming to nefariously turn our future men into women? The Russians? The North Koreans? The cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? I guess it could be Disney, given their recent decision to depict the world as it actually is, in their upcoming movies and shows, but since they already have their hands full trafficking children via the conduit that is the “It’s a Small World “ ride, I’m forced to admit that I am truly stumped as to who the responsible culprits could be.

While maniacal theories regarding the true intentions of the LGBTQ community has always been a front-burner issue for the GQP, the last three years have seen a dramatic upswing in their unfettered homo- and -trans-phobic delusions, especially where the matter of Transgenderism is concerned. Rest assured, when they’re not blowing the dog-whistle regarding the non-issue of children being sexually assaulted in Target bathrooms, it’s only because they’re currently focusing on their fevered fantasies that the TG community is perpetually holding open auditions:

Honestly, I’m not sure if I should be amused or horrified that overly phobic prats such as Leyba, have quite literally, not a f**king clue as to what the TG and Gay community are about, considering how much he obsesses over them. It would be akin to one of you asking me about Milla Jovovich, and me being unable to show you my numerous flow charts documenting her awesomeness.

And while this may come as a sincere shock to Leyba, TG’s do reproduce, as not all of said demographic decides to go full post-op. I know this is disappointing for you to learn Ricky Retardo, but TG’s and Gay people are interested only in the adult version of their sexual preference, and I am truly sorry that you find yourself unable to get the exploratory hummer you seemingly desire on that particular side of the coital fence.

And the less said about this dumbf**kery;

the better, given that this person, for all of his talk about Transgenderism, is seemingly unaware as to how they arrive into this world.to begin with, and I have neither the time, nor the number of anatomically correct hand-puppets that would be required to explain it to him.

Playing along with Leyba’s erroneous belief that TG’s couldn’t possibly have a familial structure like the rest of us, I’d like to take this moment, and introduce you to this shining gem of humanity, one Joey Burke, whom I can only assume judging from the personal posting we’re about to review, played a fair amount of roller hockey in his youth, sans the protection of any protective headgear. Burke, like most conservatives is angry.

So very angry.

And as is typical with the majority of free-range conservative cuckolds, he needs to be told what he’s supposed to be angry about, and I can assure you, it’s most definitely the kind of opinion that would make the most ardent of eugenicists, almost proud to share the same planet with him, if not the same social solution::

Now, before I metaphorically eviscerate Burke, much in the manner that a similarity named graverobber did to his stock in trade during the era of the 1820’s, I’d like to discuss who this Benny Johnson person actually is, and it’s a story worth notating for both its level of personal hubris, if not its wretchedness.

Johnson, currently cosplaying as the host of The Benny Report on NewsMax TV, is known as a former prominent staff writer at Buzzfeed, who found himself unceremoniously terminated after it was publicly revealed that numerous articles he had claimed as original compositions, were in fact, heavily plagiarized.

Therefore, it should come as no surprise that a lummox such as Burke, who obviously needs stage directions, as he seemingly can’t think for himself, should requote an established liar, who most likely, nicked this lack of intellectualism from somebody else.

As with their need to make women appear “less than”, the same strategy is applied here as well, in order to dehumanize a targeted community that this modern-day Goebbels, likens to a cluster of Dementors that have been loosed from the pages of the Harry Potter series, to openly feast upon the innocents of the world, via the formerly magical lands that a cartoon mouse built.

While this expressed sentiment alone is beyond repulsive, I’d also call attention to the fact that it was uttered by a man who, all sarcasm aside, looks like he’s more than fairly knowledgeable with the storage capacity of his house’s crawlspace.  If anyone in this conversation appears as “soulless”, it’s definitely the guy whom I suspect, has the full set of trading cards featuring the collected works of Theodore Bundy.

As I had to do with Leyba, I will attempt to educate the duo of Burke and Johnson, which sounds less like a comedy act, and more along the lines of people you’ll eventually hear about on the History Channel, if only to prove just why the need to randomly spay and neuter Republicans, should sometimes be a tangible thing.

For the record and for humanity’s sake, the following is certifiably accurate: Transpersons are not freaks, they do have families, albeit better then the one you were poorly raised in, and shockingly, they do have kids, as I sadly had to point out to your equally as hateful brother from another motherf**ker, above.

And while I’m not sure as to why it is that you associate pink hair with sexual deviance, I’ll just assume for the time being that it somehow relates to your being caught inside the public bathroom of a Stae Fair, attempting to please yourself with a bucket of cotton candy. Heck… it makes about as much sense as your unwarranted transphobia, so I’m going to run with it, regardless of the truth.

You know. Like you just did, you ignorant troglodyte?

However< I am somewhat sympathetic for those conservatives with children of their own, as our ever-changing world these days, is sometimes quite hard to translate to those who have yet to acquire the life experience necessary to understand it:

Poor Don… can you imagine the personal embarrassment involved with being unable to articulate the fact that sometimes birds like bees, and vice versa, and the reality that you’re truly okay with such, is both perfectly natural, and yes, even sane?

Speaking only for myself, I have zero issue with members of either the TG or Gay community, as some of my best wingmen back in the dating days, were affiliated with one or the other, and as far as I’m concerned, I’d rather hang out with the Fabulous, rather than the Fascist, any day of the week, hands down.

If that’s the jar of jam you like to spread on metaphorical toast, I say go for it, and enjoy yourself, as you will not ever maliciously hurt a person with your lifestyle, save for the ones who are insanely jealous at your ability to mix a dead-on perfect Manhattan. But as we’ve seen since … well, forever, conservatives just cannot let the differences that make each one of us singularly unique, slide past without some form of hatefully ignorant commentary following in tandem:

I would like to remind you all, that at one point in time, the dual subjects of homosexuality and Transgenderism were considered to be a credible mental illness, and along with the public stigma that could occur to such an invasive assessment being leveled, there was also the very real threat of criminal prosecution for being openly “out”, as well.

This abominable diagnosis, reverted for the better when the American Psychiatric Association (APA) removed the diagnosis of “homosexuality” from its 2nd edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). In 1973, was a critical first step in assimilating the accurate view that such proclivities are not deviant, immoral, or as the Cafeteria Christian Brigade likes to frequently claim, “Against God”.

If God is truly infallible, then being Gay or TG, is not a mistake, so much as it is a deliberate part of God’s overall Divine Plan. And as an aside, I do have to appreciate the irony of a devoted homo/transphobe posting about how “they” suffer from a mental illness, as he spent God-knows-how-long tracking down just the right meme to express his obsessive disgust with a lifestyle that is not his own.

Seriously. I’m not a psychologist by any stretch of the imagination, but if you find yourself fixating on the sexual identities of persons unknown to you, half as much as these loons seemingly do, I’d strongly suggest that perhaps, your therapy session with Dr. Goldberg, should be expanded to at least three times a week. Especially when you don’t allegedly know for certain, what is “real”, and what’s not

Personally, I don’t think that Haniford really gave any deepness of thought to his inference regarding the long-term ramifications of reclassifying the duality of homosexuality and Transgenderism as a form of mental illness, because let’s face it, this is still America, and if you give people a validated excuse to do so, this is now most people would apply such an action:

Sneer all you want, but you know damn well that I’m not wrong.

As noted, hateful sentiments and punitive actions, are nothing new for people who openly decry the alleged “perverse” lifestyle of the LGBTQ community, as they purposefully overlook the one that Donald Trump presents on a daily base, but this latest go-round of slobbering rage is quite the new twist on a classically vile theme.

Collectively, it’s almost as if the GQP base woke up after a decades-long nap, and stumbled upon the fact that not only do these fellow humans of theirs actually exist outside of a movie, they’ve also learned how to use an indoor bathroom, to boot.: But far more pathetic, is the fact that due to their willful ignorance, they can’t even draw distinctions between the various sub-groups either, and just lump them all together, as if they were the hors d’oeuvres at a discount wedding:

You were “shocked” to see cross-dressers at a Cher concert. In 2004. I apologize in advance, to inform you that not only is the concept of cross-dressing hardly a shock to the social norms as they currently exist, its in fact, become so mainstream, that it hardly even qualifies as a blip on the cultural radar, as far as such things used to go. And just because someone likes to wear gender-specific clothing, it does not mean that they’re either gay or in the middle of transitioning. If it did, there’d be about ten newly-made dudes in my life, who owe me no less than 25 dress shirts.

Not to mention, this beloved American has been engaging in the act for over seven decades;
and yet, he still retains his well-deserved status as one of our most beloved icons, despite his numerous attempts to recruit our innocent children into being friends of Dorothy, Equating cross-dressers to either homosexuals or Transpersons, is yet another definitive proving that it’s not the personal practices that’s freaking out the so-called “straights”, so much as it is their Fear of the Other.

As we’ve seen from the idiocy already displayed, this cravenly mob are ever-presently finding themselves apoplectic that any aspect of the LGBTQ community is dared defined as equitable to themselves, falsely perceiving that their sovereignty of selfdom is under no less than a constant attack by the fictitious “Gay Agenda”, which is phobic-speak for taking offense at the fact that those you find distasteful, are living their best lives without asking for your benevolent permission first::
Yup… nothing more annoying than trying to live your life, and being rudely reminded via a gay tuba, that it’s not all about you. And even worse than that, is knowing that for some strange reason, corporations who make a wide range of products to sell, oddly believe “those people” actually buy them, just like you and I do. As its already been established by these homophobes that the LGBTQ community doesn’t have families, kids, or even any semblance of a soul, convincing David that they actually might require a toaster oven, is right out:

I kind of feel bad for David here. It must be so hard nowadays to find commercial breaks that cater exclusively to hatefully dense White people and their specific advertising needs. Outside of the ads on FOX, that is. But don’t you worry David, the fine folks at My Pillow and New Day Financial, will always have your back, no matter what those nasty “woke” businesses decide to do.

One question though? Other than HBO promoting “Orange is the New Black”, where exactly, is he seeing advertising consistently featuring multiple transsexuals? And while the urge to make a tasteless joke at the expense of the Kardashians is presently gnawing on my funny-bone, I’m going to take the high road, here, and just let my question stand as is.

However, if I was going to endeavor to take David’s pointless social kvetching and turn it into a financial positive, I’d suggest that we take his cast of unique characters, pitch a series to Disney+, have them turn it into a “Three’s Company” type of sitcom, sit back, crack open a cold one, and watch the money just pour in.

But David is not alone concerning his feeling of being overlooked by the corporations that he once swore loyalty to, as his allegorical BFF William Pennell is right there beside him, stewing in his own self-created bubble of seething White victimhood:

Pennell, who has a secondary FB account under the alias of “Lowery Porter”, is quite the dizzying intellect, let me tell you. I’ll be showcasing some of his inaner insights in an upcoming screed, but for now, let’s just stick with this slice of Aryan arrogance, shall we? To start, let’s take a look at a graph measuring how minorities view their representation in modern media advertising, against Pennell’s soon to be debunked opinion:

Considering the data presented here, I’d suggest that if Pennell is sincerely missing a friendly White face, I’d offer the suggestion that he either stop watching Telemundo and/or BET, and slither back to the urine-warm embrace of FOX, where the only time he’ll have to see a non-Caucasian, is when they have one on as a special guest, if only for the purpose of reminding their viewership that the only member of a racial minority that truly knew his place, was Stepin Fetchit.

Refreshingly, at least from a certain point of view that is, this traditionalist hate-fest is unexpectedly anti-misogynistic whereas the topic of women wanting to spew equal amounts of homophobic bile is concerned. Quite literally, this may be the only area of discussion next to performing metaphorical fellatio on the mushroom tip of Donald Trump’s flaccidity, where conservative women are allowed truly free reign.

And since women are generally regarded by many, as the fairer sex, we’ll gently start this dissertation off with this delightful slice of passive-aggressive condescension:

You just have to live conservatives, do you not? They’re ever so nice about promoting their idiocy, all so that the rest of us actually functioning humans, can make an informed decision as to how best avoid interacting with them. Truly, an act of personal charity that is thoughtful beyond words, as most GQP fembots such as Nicole here, find utilizing such, far too difficult to compose original thoughts to begin with.

But this assessment of mine doesn’t ring true for everybody of course, as some Stepford wives actually can expound (at great length) about what they consider the evils of the TG influence to be, and aren’t afraid to jump right in. Unfortunately, what they generally dive into headfirst no less, is the world’s largest stand mixer, which tends to take their well-rehearsed inner monologue, and convert it into a nearly unintelligible word smoothie, instead:Wow. Just… wow. I don’t know what’s worse in regards to the inherent madness contained within this diatribe, given the syntax, the falsehoods, the ignorance, or the personally arrogant self-assurance that this pile of conceptual merde need to be expressed publicly.

This unhinged commentary, serving less as a warning, and far more as the final nail in the coffin of this obviously mentally disturbed individual’s intellect, just further affirms my belief that most conservatives shouldn’t. be allowed within ten miles of a house plant, much less an impressionable child.

I know that to think of women as possessing an intrinsic sense of maternal sovereignty is sexist as hell, but good god, one’s lack of it still shouldn’t manifest itself as the complete polar opposite of it, either. But leave it to the GQP base, to take an issue that doesn’t affect them one iota, and turn it into a rallying cry for inflicting their bias under the guise of protecting the greater good of a society that they truly care nothing about:

This lunacy grenade, yet another trope of cancel culture that conservatives claim to hate, yet have eagerly embraced, if not weaponized, in an attempt to mold a society resistant to their abominable ideals, into the new normal that they so desperately want to achieve. And if that societal upheaval requires the inclusion of lies, slurs, and threats of boycott, it’s almost a certainty that conservatives will embrace it as the noblest of actions.

And when these tactics don’t work, due to the aggressiveness of their blatant deceit, there’s aways the tried-and-true tactic of endlessly screaming: “What about the Children?”, until the people they’re targeting acquiesce out of the exceedingly valid concern that they’ll be regarded as being either uncaring, or as closeted pedophiles:

On the face of it, this bigotry masquerading as concern seems legit, does it not? However, it’s also exceptionally disingenuous as well. Saying that the “idea” for one’s personal decision to embrace their true identity as being either Gay or Transgender, is patently ridiculous at its best, and completely insane, at its worst.

If exposure to societal concepts at an impressionable age could truly affect one’s further down the road lifestyle decisions, my being the first bionic super-spy who can not only fly, but also lives inside a volcano lair tended to by clones of Lynda Carter, would have been firmly established in the public consciousness by now. But the notation of such being “a recipe for lifelong depression & self-loathing is correct, even if such an estimation was selectively cherry-picked to fit this bullspit narrative.

When a person of alternate lifestyle finds themself extant in a society such as the one conservatives seemingly want and are working towards, this assertion of depressive self-hatred would be a viable aspect of their lives, as they would be consistently subjected to the bigotry and homophobia that Neo-Cons openly flaunt as sustenance, inspiration, and validation for their truly pitiful existence.

However, in a society where such persons are publicly supported, encouraged, and most importantly, openly respected, for their honest individualism, the metaphorical sky is the limit. For sanity and reality’s sake, no one “chooses” to be Gay or Transgender, very much in the same way that no one “chooses” to be African-American, Asian, or Caucasian- it quite literally, is what it is, and no outside factor can change that, despite the histrionic harping of the alt-Right.

Despite this proven certainty, the bigoted base that comprises the Right-wing movement in this country, never misses an opportunity to demonize those who fall under the descriptive of the LGBTQ banner, by slandering them as we’ve previously seen, from being “soulless” husks of humanity, to falsely claiming that they’re targeting children, but like most viruses that plague Mankind, these swimmers from the shallow end of the gene pool, have mutated a new theorem for public dissemination, and it’s a doozy:You heard it here first, Ladies and Gentlemen- the cause of the declining birth rate on this already far too crowded and over-stressed planet, is those darn Gay people who refuse to over-breed like the rest of us fine upstanding missionary-style fornicators. And let’s have a round of applause for Larry’s parents, who after deciding not to “murder” him, raised him to be a judgmental and self-righteous homophobe instead.

I guess that’s a win for parenting, but I’m not sure how.

I’d point out that if you’re annoyed at the number of Gay people not having children, you should probably blame their parents as well, because they’re the ones who had all those gay kids to begin with. Speaking of which, for people who are so concerned with bringing children into the world to increase the aforementioned declining birth rate, conservatives generally aren’t too keen on the idea of gay couples either adopting the post-born, or utilizing surrogates to have children of their own.

Odd, that.

I mean, they’re totally down for impregnating their mistresses two at a time, or forcing women against their will to give birth via draconian anti-abortion statutes, so you’d think they’d be all in for the creation of a stable family dynamic, but they’re not.

In fact, only 27 states (and one territory) currently have laws or policies that expressly prohibit discrimination in adoption based on sexual orientation or gender, and despite a landmark ruling by the Supreme Court in 2015, some states have openly attempted to forward prohibitive legislation that gives private adoption agencies, the capacity to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation.

So much for the GQP’s “pro-family values” propaganda, as I see it, but please remember that they’re just trying to “protect” those children from… um, reality, I can only assume?

Here’s the deal: if you’re banning qualified people from becoming parents, or banning books that contain uncomfortable information, or decrying political correctness all in the name of protecting “the children” at the expense of other children’s well-being, all you are really doing in actuality, is projecting the message that only a specific societal demographic is suitable for the role of parenting, which like most of the firmly-held beliefs conservatives have, is simply not true.

Personally, I’ve never ever witnessed any other collective of intellectually-challenged people, be they fans of Nickelback or Highlander 2, who so proudly flaunt their conceit in being mediocre, so much as the GQP faithful does.

For people who under the cover of an organized political movement, have consistently mocked those who are clearly their obvious superiors in word, thought, and deed, they sure have spent an awful lot of energy and time demanding unwarranted praise for not catching their tongues in the spinning blades of a ceiling fan, which to be fair, has always impressed me as well, given the dearth of their collective intellect.

Further evidence of their disconnect from logic is their recent attempts at hijacking the societal impact of the “Gay Pride” crusade, due to that fact that it openly celebrates the whole of LGBTQ culture as being integral to our national fabric of diverse inclusivity, which it most certainly is, whether they want to admit it or not.

Yeah. I said it. Come at me, you phobic Twunts. In fact, I dare ya’.

However, despite their loathing the concept of the LGBTQ community at large being “allowed” to laud the uniqueness of its accomplishments and dogged determination to be accepted for who they are, the anti-gay cabal nonetheless, looked upon their communal platform spearheading this cultural change, and thought that all they needed to do to make it their own, was to slap a few Punisher decals on it, crank up the Ted Nugent, and start Twittering that being born “straight” was somehow, a noble achievement:

You just have to love Albert’s enthusiasm for a state of being he had no control over, celebrating a non-accomplishment that nobody who’s rational gives a dam about, while implying that not only could he get two women who, judging from their mud-flap silhouettes, are obvious strippers, but that they’d be happy to be near him as well.

Now, because I don’t want to judge that which is allegedly already widely known, his flawed optimism that they’d leave his mom’s garage sexually satisfied, is kind of adorable in its naïveté, if I may be so bold.

As for Albert’s beta buddy’s snarky comment inferring that there’s “lots ‘ of “them” just wandering around freely, I’d note that in their dual cases, more gay men within their social spheres might actually be a good thing whereas they’re concerned, since due to their severely limited intellectual appeal, less competition for women puts the law of averages on their side for once.

Nevertheless, Eudsave’s cravenly disdain for Transexuals goes far past that which most people would openly acknowledge is a feeling of personal discomfort with their lifestyle, and instead, abominably, devolves into the dialectal hate that a certain Germanic-based political party utilized regarding their murderous demonization of a race that had done them no harm, save for triggering their sense of inherent bigotry, as is seemingly the case here with Eudsave’s ignorantly disgusting commentary:

I’m curious. What do you think the public reaction to Eudsave’s willful intolerance be, if we replaced his use of the word “animal” to describe TG athletes with the far less tolerable slurs associated with White Supremacy? Do you think he’d be allowed to slide past using such terminology, or would the SJW Brigade chew on him as if they were Cerebos on steroids? 

I think we all know the answer to that one, but a slur against one is a slur against all, and we as a society, need to step up in unified opposition to it. If I were to be transparent, I can honestly say that I don’t follow Women’s sports. But then again, I don’t follow Men’s sports either, so in concern to this particularly new obsession that’s currently afflicting today’s conservatives, I don’t have a lot of contextual background in relation to this subject.

I for one, couldn’t tell you a damn thing about who’s the best this or that within the world of athletic competition, and truthfully, I wouldn’t care if I could. If I’m not personally playing the game, sports hold about as much interest for me as watching paint dry. And I say this, as a visual artist who has literally spent years of his life watching actual paint dry, but I digress, as nobody has the time to hear about that.

The issue at hand, is whether it’s ethical to grant a Transgender male who identifies as being Female, and who has either fully transitioned or is in the process of doing so, the right to compete against other women in relation to athletic competitions centered on the participation of that sole gender alone. As you can imagine, it’s a rather thorny issue for many, and on the scientific side of the debate, the question of physiology does come up as a deciding factor, as one might expect it to do.

Speaking only for myself as always, I take very little issue with men and women dually competing in trials of athletic ability, with the game of Football and/or Rugby, being the lone exceptions. This is not due to any form of sexism on my part mind you, but I have severe reservations about how well a 125lb woman, regardless of physical prowess, would do going up against one of the 375lb steroid-enhanced Silverbacks that the NFL has over-populated its league with.

You’ve got the gift of hustle Tiffany, and one hell of a throwing arm to boot, but when Johnny “The Juggernaut” Jones manages to hit you at full speed, the Law of Action-Reaction, as noted in modern-day physics, will be more than enough singularly, to knock both sets of your grandparents into complete and devastating unconsciousness, mark my words.

However, when it comes to the rest of the assemblage of athleticism, I say have at it. Even when I was a kid playing league soccer, I never understood just why there weren’t any girls on my team. Off the field, we all played together, and while I was competent at my worst, some of them were Pele in a freaking micro-skirt, at theirs, and I think that’s really the problem here… men just don’t like to be bested by a gender that they perceive themselves as being stronger than.

Change my mind. I dare you.

But if this assumption of mine is true, I hear you ask, then why is a man competing against women on their allegorical playing fields even a concern at all? I’ll tell you why. Widespread acceptance. If TG’s are allowed to compete directly with the gender that they identify with, and it becomes the socialized norm, then it stands to reason, that said affected gender will demand the same in reverse, and it’s that which would represent a cultural threat to the established rules of gender politics.

Can you imagine? Women and their TG counterparts, might demand salaries equitable to men’s. Access to promotional deals, once dominated solely by men. Media exposure on par with the likes of male sports stars, and that’s just the beginning of what could become theoretically, if given the time, a truly non-gendered social institution, open to all, dependent only on the basis of one’s own natural abilities.

What can I say? Sometimes my inner Utopian comes out to play when he’s drunk. So, are conservatives really upset about this latest self-invented tempest in a teapot, or are they as usual, just following the cravenly crowd to the next outbreak of faux outrage?

Well, it seems to be a bit of both, as it’s become quite the standard that regardless of whatever issue is currently affecting the Great Society, if it’s something conservatives dislike or disagree with, an overwrought display of histrionics are sure to set up shop, post haste.

And just who is the supreme Postmaster General of distractive deflection and eternal social scapegoating? None other than America’s answer to what Benito Mussolini would have looked like if he swam in dime-store bronzer, the one and only, Donald “Cinnamon Hitler” Trump, of course:

One small observation, if I may? If your noble defender of women’s rights is Donald Trump, not only has the Republic fallen, odds are good that most of its female inhabitant’s chant “Gilead is Number One!” at all of its sporting events. That is, if their “Commanders” allow them to in the first place.

Seriously, Conservatives? Your chosen champion for women’s progress, is a thrice-married, adulterous, lecherous, cravenly, treasonous, alleged pedophile, and self-confessed sexual deviant? What happened., did your dark spell of resurrection fail to reanimate the corpse of Richard “The Nightstalker” Ramirez, and a perverted Oompa-Loompa was the best backup option available to you at the time?

I do admire the chutzpah it took for a man who views a golf course as equivalent to a Church, declaring an allegiance to the same, considering how frequently he openly breaks the Ten Commandants more often than one of his scams masquerading as business ventures, breaks even. And while it shouldn’t need to be said, I don’t want to hear any person who fomented an insurrection using his base of mentally obese  morons, taking about “lunatics ruining the country”, either.

Nevertheless, this unwarranted feeling of needing to “protect” a gender that 172 Republicans voted against a protection act for, is classic republican hypocrisy, but that doesn’t stop the party faithful from posting garbage like this, where they take two unrelated topics, and amalgamate them into an absurd talking point:

First, while it’s an incontestable fact that Will Smith is a jackass for what he did on live television at the Oscars, it still has no bearing whatsoever in relation to the topic actually being discussed, that being the inclusion of Trans athletes into biological women’s sports. That is, unless of course, Chris Rock decides to kick being a comedian to the curb, and realize his life-long dream of trying out for the WNBA.

Speaking of the WNBA, let’s take a gander at how much Edusave believes in the sanctity of his own publicly expressed opinion regarding the protection of one of its top female players, a proud woman of color, who dared use the rights afforded to her by the Constitution  of these here United States, and see just how strong his conviction of chivalry holds when it’s applied to someone he doesn’t like:.

So much for protection, right Caesar? This sort of hypocrisy is exactly why you remain the 2nd most popular salad in America. You’re not half bad overall, but you’re also no Coleslaw either, which oddly, is the most lauded. Not only does Ms. Grenier have the right to protest this country as specifically stated within our most sacred of documents, the protection to do so has been extended to her by the same, as well.

Therefore, feel free to f**k off and go suck some eggs as you do so. It might even improve your social standing among the salad conscienti, and mythical God knows, you need all the help you can get to offset the damage you inflict upon society every time you open that ignorant maw you call a mouth.

I’ve often noted just how specifically obsessed conservatives are with the sexual practices and particular genitalia involved with such in relation to the LGBTQ community, which of course, is not peculiar at all, considering how much the very same brag about their strongly entrenched heterosexuality, but despite their consistent mewling and finger-pointing that TG’s and Gays are the true purveyors of sexual deviance, they have no problem expressing their own.

Weird, that:

Urk. It’s as if the creepiest cast member of “Porky’s”, didn’t realize the shower scene was over, and is still hanging around, looking through the peephole located just below the water spigots, hoping to catch a furtive glimpse of some future spank-bank currency. Keep in mind, this isn’t some 14-year-old boy posting this horn-dog wet-dream, it’s an adult in advanced middle-age instead, and it’s literally creepy, if not predatory, as f**k.

But please conservatives, protect our womenfolk from those ever so dangerous Transfolk. You know… when you’re done ogling them as if they were pieces of meat? After all, as we’ve already distinguished, if there’s one thing that so-called Christian middle-aged men such as Hickam, possess in bucket-loads far more than anyone else, it’s concerned respect for women:

OK. That’s just an unfortunately tasteless joke, we’ve all told those at one point or another, right? I’m sure Hickam would never make a serious inference that a woman being forced against their will to do something horrific, is somehow amusing, entertaining, or even socially acceptable. In fact, I’m sure of it:

For f**k’s sakes what the hell is wrong with these incel man-n=boys? Oh wait… just answered my own question, I think. However, I’m sure that despite his disgusting forays into grade-school immaturity, Hickam has, and this down deep inside, nothing but the finest of opinions regarding a woman’s place in society. Once again, I’m going to roll the dice, and put full faith in this assessment:

And with that, my atheism is reborn. JFC, does anybody else get the feeling that Hickam regards the “Forum” section of Penthouse Magazine as the epitome of non-fiction writing, or is it more realistic to assume that he won’t read anything that doesn’t come with a centerfold to begin with?  

But let’s not forget, these are the noble warriors who, out of sheer concern for no less than Humanity itself, are going to “protect” women from… well, obviously not the perverts who post stuff like this, that’s for damn sure. And the evidence for this, comes straight from the horse’s mouth, or to be more accurate, the horse’s ass:
I can’t even begin to tell you how secure I am in my feeling, that a person who openly brags about their lack of empathy for those that are different than themselves, should be the ones offered the role of unsolicited protectors for a gender they’ve already predetermined as being at risk of victimization, unless they step up and step in. Given that perspective, what could possibly go wrong, other than everything?

Consider me off-kilter here, but does anyone else believe that persons who obsess over the lifestyles of total strangers that don’t directly affect them one iota, in any way, shape, pr form, have the emotional capability to separate their personal discomfort from their inherent overriding sense of self-righteousness? I may be a cynical optimist, but that doesn’t mean my cynicism takes a backseat to the reality of things, either.

By way of example, let’s take a look at a random assortment of these ever so noble closeted feminists and wonder at the intellectual depth that they express in regards to one of the most pressing issues that modern-day women are currently facing, that being the right to control their own body autonomy.

First, let’s dissect the appallingly ignorant and misogynistic declaration by the widely reviled Trump boot-lick Congressman Madison Cawthorn, who once advised parents that, “if you are raising a young man, please raise them to be a monster” a suggestion that his spawning units apparently undertook as a successfully completed challenge, given his alleged sexual harassment of female classmates during his college days, has also gone on the record with his POV concerning the act of abortion, by depicting said act as, and I quote;

“Imagine you’ve just walked out of this chamber and outside is a gorgeous sunset. You have a Polaroid camera and you snap a beautiful picture, and a great photo prints out the front. You hold it and shake it, waiting for the picture to appear, but suddenly someone walks by and snatches your photo, ripping it to shreds. You’re stunned. You cry, ‘Why did you destroy my picture?’ The person replies, ‘Oh, it wasn’t a picture. It wasn’t fully developed yet.’ All of us in this room realize how asinine that reasoning is.

{Yes, we DO realize just how asinine your analogy is, but please continue, Wheelchair Hitler.]

That photo was transforming into a beautiful image. This illustration by Seth Gruber is simple, but it’s what our nation has done to the most precious image of all- the image of God. A silent genocide has slipped beneath the conscience of America. Precious works of our creator, formed and set apart, meet death before they breathe life. Eternal souls woven into earthen vessels sanctified by almighty God and endowed with the miracle of life are denied their birth by a nation that was born in freedom.”

Other than the fact that the very idea of a partially-paralyzed Cawthon talking about abortion is akin to his lecturing the able-bodied on how to successfully run a marathon, this just may be, for my money, about as close as one can get to calling women mindless livestock, without using the actual words to do so.

I’d go one step further, and opine that if our uterus-lacking incel here truly regards women as no more than mere empty vessels eagerly awaiting his obviously deficient swimmers, the only jar he’ll be making a consensual deposit in, is the one left over from his making himself a PB&J sandwich, quietly eaten over the sink in his studio apartment. But this definitive reality aside, Cawthon is hardly standing alone whereas his mewling misogyny is concerned.

While this is to be expected, it’s also a given that the people spreading this Caveman cravenness, are also the ones stereotypically crowing about just how much of a dedicated advocate they are for Women’s rights in general, To kick off this assertion of mine, let’s start with this fine example of nuanced  subtlety, courtesy of one Dominic Romero, who, as we will soon see whereas the noble cause of Women’s body autonomy is concerned, is analogous to what Parkinson’s Disease represents for those who defuse landmines for a living:

Now on the surface, this doesn’t seem like an arrogant declaration at all, nor does it strike me as an unreasonable expectation, either. But leave it to an Usher of the Uterine to take a moment of rationality, drag it out back behind the woodshed, and pump two bullets into it, Ol’ Yeller style:
Yup ladies. While it may take “Two to Tango” as it were, in the end, your getting pregnant is still all your fault. How could you possibly not know that already? After all, haven’t we men been telling you that since you were born? We didn’t, you say? Oops. Our bad. I could have sworn we covered it in the meetings you’re not allowed to attend.

Sure, there may not be a single law on the books that regulate men’s bodies, but rest assured, we’ll happily instruct you as to what you can (and cannot) do with yours, and if you’re as smart as you think you are, you’ll pay attention for once. Besides, you can’t expect a guy to be accountable, can you? That’s like so unrealistic.

In fact, Romere here, ever the gracious gentleman, even has some visionary ideas for future provisions regarding your inability to keep your whorish legs closed, and as expected, no such rules will be applied to any of the men you so foolishly allowed to enter your gated community, because… “reasons”, I guess:

Is this a fresh take on hypocritically arrogant chauvinism or what? Truly, an inspiring idea- let’s punish women for daring to choose their own lives over the one we’ve falsely ascribed to a clump of cells that can’t live outside of its host, so that later on, we can demonize the mother for having a child that we won’t give a damn about once it’s born.

Even if it does lead to an ever-expanding cycle of poverty and proves to be a crippling burden on our society at large, isn’t that worth the price others will have to pay, just so that a bunch of uterus-deprived demagogues can feel morally superior? Of course, it is. After all, isn’t it the natural order of things that these wannabe Plaster Blasters are the ones who run Bartertown?

In the impotent world that alleged Neandertals like Romero drag their knuckles through, men are infallible, and women are always at fault, irrespective of the actual facts at hand. Notice by the way, he also puts no responsibility for an unintended pregnancy on the men involved, as by doing so, he’d have to openly acknowledge their culpability as well- a fact he obviously hates to discuss

Adding further insult to injury, Romero’s suggestion that prescribed birth control is the ultimate panacea for the abortion issue is disingenuous as hell, when you take into account that not only does the political party he supports openly thwarts access to such, it goes out of its way as well, to harass both the clinics that provide it, and the public education programs that teach the essentials concerning its proper use.

However, Romero does have a keen insight on just why women want to keep abortion legal, and astonishingly, it has nothing to do with the very real issues of personal choice as to one’s unwillingness to be a possibly impoverished mother, and most certainly, it has nothing whatsoever to do with making sure women don’t die from the once-practiced back-alley methods, either.

Nope. In Romero’s estimation, it’s all due to women’s love of… you know what? I’m just going to let this jackasses memes and comments speak for themselves, because if I have to actually transcribe it onto the pixilated page, I might just feel the need to go drink hand sanitizer until my soul feels clean again:
There is, I dare say, much to unpack here, is there not? Not only do we have barely retrained passive-aggressive slut-shaming, (a cultural penance applied only to women) there’s also chauvinistic ignorance, spiteful jealously, and a roiling undercurrent of seething hatred regarding the societal freedom currently granted to strongly independent, if not sexually confident, women as well.

If I didn’t know better, I’d have to assume that Romero’s favorite phrase after calling such women he doesn’t know “whores”, is the classic demand that they get their asses back in the kitchen where they belong, and get to stepping making him a sandwich, like yesterday. Obviously, I’m kidding of course, because even though Romero comes off as a sexist case of walking whiskey-dick, I’m sure he has nothing but the deepest of respect for those women who are married:Or maybe not. I really need to start listening to my gut more, and far less to Mr. Rogers, I think.

Reading this asinine immaturity, you might think that Romero is in his early 20’s, and therefore, doesn’t know any better. Unfortunately for society, the only correlation Romero has to the low 20’ss is the charting numbers of his assumed IQ, which is even more disturbing, when you realize that both he and I could have a conversation about the early days of MTV, and not have to explain to each other any of the cultural references that are sure to be made.

Thankfully, despite all of his blatant sexism, his impotent rage regarding women who dare not notice him, and his failed attempts at placing the blame (as it were) for the necessity of abortion solely on women alone, Romero does offer us yet one last fresh take towards solving what he regards as a societal abomination for the greater good. And trust me, it’s just as insane as you might think:
I’m gonna make a recommendation here- if Romero really wants to make this fever-dream of his a reality, I’d suggest that he ups the stakes somewhat, and offers an enticement that no sane woman could ever refuse. For every woman he can successfully convert into a Transperson, ten more who don’t, would no longer have to listen to his rants, his ignorance, or meet his leering gaze in public, ever again.

Think about it. He gets to see the number of American abortions reduced, the transformed women never have to be subjected to his directly-targeted sexist behavior ever again, and the chances of his efficaciously breeding without the aid of his mom’s credit card and a case of tequila, are knocked down to less than zero, so quite literally, everyone involved walks away with a definitive win.

However, for young Tommy Adcock here, who just so happens to be our next contender in this ongoing Battle of The Sexist, the very idea of a woman transforming herself past what he considers an acceptable limit, is something that he personally can’t abide:
Ah, misogynists… you never fail in your quest to consistently remind some women why every now and then, a shower massager is really worth the money they invested in it. Anybody else noticing a pattern here? As the old joke goes; “A Slut is a woman who f**ks a lot of guys, but if she won’t f**k you, then it’s obvious that she’s just a Bitch”, and my gut instinct here, tells me that Tommy knows far more bitches, then he does sluts.

Let’s just call it an educated hunch, and leave it at that.

Nevertheless, Adcock, much like Romero did, brings a truly unexpected twist on an old Pro-Choice refrain, that being the consensus that no man male should have a say whatsoever in the regulation or even the discussion, of the legality of abortion, a position I fully support, with the lone exception being the father of said to be aborted child weighing in, and even then – the ultimate decision to carry to term or not, should still rest without question on the shoulders of the one who’ll actually be doing the work.

But whereas Romero’s detestable opinion was mired in the roots of his own stunning ignorance, Adcock’s seem to be fueled by the most insane of supplications, that being… what the heck, once again, I’ll just let this f**king moron speak for himself:

For the record, when any democrat of note refers to a man getting pregnant, it’s in relation to Trans-women who’ve transitioned ideologically, rather than physically, and these Fallopian f**k tards know this, but selectively choose to ignore this inconvenient factoid, because let’s face it- faux outrage requires a villain, and what better fallback is there than choosing one that you can “prove’ is an idiot?

To be fair, their knowledge of Trans-physiology is as well-informed as their knowledge of what constitutes the actual presence of sentient and sustainable Life, but I digress for now, as I literally don’t have the patience to explain to these fanciers of the Fetus, a concept that they failed to grasp in middle school.

I don’t believe that I have to point this scientifically established detail yet again, but until a developing fetus can survive OUTSIDE OF THE WOMB, it is not, and never has been, a “child” in the traditional sense of the word. Man, it’s painful to admit, but Tommy was so much cooler when he used to play that silver ball, versus hitting that silver pipe, as he seems to be doing now.

Just keep this almost unimportant detail in mind, boys and especially the girls, these are the men who swear that they will “protect you” from the “perversion” that is modern-day Transgenderism. I’m sure that must bring you a great deal of personal comfort, am I right?

Well, as the saying goes: “It takes one to know one”, and to that end, as well as serving as a conduit to wrapping up this screed, may I present to you yet again, the misogynist’s Great White Dope, Wayne Robert Hickam, whom we had the displeasure of meeting a few passages ago.

Before I post some of Hickam’s further adventures in showcasing just what happened to that kid in your grade school who spent most of his time trying to look up your skirt, I’d remind you all again, that this gag-inducing gargoyle, is one of your future “protectors”. So… good luck with that.

Seriously. Because you’re going to need all the luck you can get:

Isn’t it strange, that for people who consistently claim to be more moral than most of their political contemporaries, the very same sure do spend a lot of time making the air festering around them exceedingly creepy, do they not? Other than the fact that a part of my 70’s-era childhood just vomited before hanging itself with Snoopy’s leash, I’d like to point out that in the “Peanuts” comics, these kids representational age is widely accepted as being around four.

Read that again… FOUR YEARS OLD. As in, not adults. Kids. You know, the fragile demographic that conservatives screech shouldn’t know anything about sex until they’re much older? I can only assume from the willing posting of this pedophilic-based humor, that apparently, the division responsible for the crafting of vile fellatio jokes didn’t get that particular memo in time, evermore the pity.

We’ve already seen that Hickam’s sense of intellectual humor (so-called) hovers somewhere around the IQ equivalency of an overflowing septic tank, but even for him, this is truly disgusting, no matter how you look at it. But leave it to this walking shallow end of the gene pool, to take the putrid, and ferment it into an even more reprehensible form, as he manages to do here, without a shred of regretful awareness:

Take a good look at this image. Just how old do you think those two girls on the end are? Fourteen? Fifteen, tops? And this guy and the others of his ilk, seriously consider themselves morally superior to those who’ve done nothing worth noting as nefarious, save past finally embracing their truth? Get the f**k out of here with that bulls**t, bro.

I say this with all due seriousness- Hickam strikes me as the type of guy that if you saw him sitting quietly by himself, just outside the boundaries of a shopping malls’ play-area, you’d instinctively ask it’s rent-a-cops mall cop to have him kicked out, even if it was only to err on the side of caution. Who in their right middle-aged mind, would even begin to find this amusing or appropriate? And yes, this was pointed out to him, albeit by someone who seems equally nonplussed by it:

Maybe Hickam is truly young in his metaphorical heart, but without exception, he also appears to be far sicker in the head, as a rule. Move along folks… nothing to see here except the possibility of a future cautionary tale forming right before our very own eyes. I used to wonder where alleged deviants like this were manufactured, but nowadays, I’m of the belief that it’s less of a design flaw as I once assumed, and more of a societal mutation that’s been taking place.

At this time, it’s pretty much past the concept of a demonstrable theorem, that anytime a Conservative deigns to point a finger at a Liberal, the remaining nine are not only pointing back at themselves, but wildly signaling for help as well.

Think of just how many GQPer’s you’ve heard about, doing the exact opposite of what they claim is their moral center: hypocrites who inflict hypocrisy, racists who claim racism is imaginary while spewing it, homophobes who get caught having homosexual affairs, American patriots who idolize foreign dictators, and in a twist that everybody saw coming, self-declared anti-pedophiles who engage in pedophiliac behavior, while claiming to carry the very spirit of Jesus and his teachings, inside their hearts.

It’s no secret that America has a multitude of issues; income and racial inequality, sexism, a range of revolting phobias based in a willful ignorance targeting disparate elements religious, cultural, and societal, but JFC… the bulls**it inflicted upon this country by its most extreme political faction, has to be directly and openly, addressed before we all find ourselves living in the dystopian landscape of a Mad Max flick.

Don’t get me wrong, I could easily rock the tire-shoulder-pads and assless chaps aesthetic of the proverbial Wasteland, but I see no need to do so, if it’s at all possible to turn our collective ship away from the intellectually-void iceberg field that the reprehensible Alt-right demands this country venture into.

Don’t get me wrong, I could easily rock the tire-shoulder-pads and assless chaps aesthetic of the proverbial Wasteland, but I see no need to do so, if it’s at all possible to turn our collective ship away from the intellectually-void iceberg field that the reprehensible Alt-right demands this country venture into. The time to act was actually yesterday, but that doesn’t mean we still can’t act now, to rend their divisiveness limb to limb as we should, and endeavor to mend the torn fabric of our American spirit.

Hate is a choice. Willful ignorance is a choice. Racism, Sexism, Homophobia, Islamophobia, Fear of the Other are all choices, both corrosive and cravenly. And not only must these aberrations of the soul be stopped with no hope given to their further advance, the retreat back into the darkness from which they sprang, must be a mandatory aspect as well.

No quarter given. No prisoners taken. No mercy bestowed. A policy of scorched earth, and salted water. Because if we as a society, do not fulfill the founding promise of this country as a haven to all, regardless of creed, color, culture, or community, then the person who composed this monstrosity for public dissemination, and the ones detestably and ideologically aligned with him, will set the ruling standard for not only the seasoned and mature among us…

… but for future generations as well, and I for one, am not going to let persons I wouldn’t want to be sharing a 30-second elevator ride with, dictate just who gets to be what, in the country that’s always been based on the bedrock of personal freedom. So, to the slithering mass of meandering and mentally obese mouth-breathers both depicted here and currently lurking in the shadows of the Internet, I offer some free and gracious counsel, if I may.

Not only is the LGBTQ Community not going back in the closet so that you can feel comfortable, and along those lines, no one is going to convert to your sociopathic religion, for the same reason, either. And as for that whole schtick of yours in concern to “protecting” the fairer sex from the realities of the world entire?

The only deviants, (as some here within this screed have proven) that women need to be sheltered from, are the men who arrogantly believe that they were chartered to undertake this unnecessary role in the first place. Try teaching your sons to not harass, sexually assault and degrade women first, before you worry about an alternative lifestyle community that at worst, may complement their shoes, long before they do anything even remotely and heterosexually violent.

Keep this thought in mind as you go to sleep tonight- your cravenly impotent brood just declared war on two of the most dedicated to multitasking demographics on the planet, who, both as individuals and as a tight-knit community, have faced even the most ardent of challenges your gender has thrown at them, and they’ve survived them all.

Despite your attitude borne out of testosterone and supreme overconfidence. I can assure you, that this was most definitely not the wisest of chess moves. This erroneous conclusion that you will succeed given enough time, in and of itself, was quite the stupid one, and I’ll tell you why.

Women, whom as a general rule of thumb, are best never trifled with, will be coming for your pointy little skulls sooner than later, and given the fact that they’ve been removing the evidence of a literally equivalent crime scene once a month, since the age of 13 or so, hiding your bodies is gonna be a walk in the park for the majority of them. And as for that remaining aspect of Transgenderism that some of you think will eventually breed itself out of existence?

If the women are collectively coming for your skulls, what part of your anatomy do you think that the TG municipality will be desiring as recompense for all of your abominable and hateful trans-gressions (pun definitely intended) against them and the ones that they love?

See, what’s really going on here, isn’t the fact that these demagogues fear what the LGBTQ community will do to women and their related interests, what they truly fear, is the limited possibility that said comm unity will perceive and treat them in very much the same way that they’ve gotten accustomed to treating women. Food for thought, and all that happy jazz.

So… good luck with that, because you’re definitely gonna need it.

And with that, we’re done for now, methinks. But when we come back, I’ll be dipping my metaphorical toes into the ocean of Conservative Intellectualism, and coming out completely bone-dry.

-FINI-

 

“It is not an overstatement to say that the destiny of the entire human race depends on what is going on in America today. This is a staggering reality to the rest of the world; they must feel like passengers in a supersonic jetliner who are forced to watch helplessly while a passel of drunks, hypes, freaks, and madmen fight for the controls and the pilot’s seat.”  – Eldridge Cleaver, Soul on Ice, 1968

 

 

 

 


Conspiracy Drearies. Pt. 1 (Mad Mad World)

“I had noticed that both in the very poor and very rich extremes of society the mad were often allowed to mingle freely.” – Charles Bukowski, Ham on Rye

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

how is everyone doing? Are we as a whole, fully recovered from the over-inflated trauma of watching the Fresh Prince bitch-slap Long Dong Silver, or is that still a topic we need to keep beating into dust? Why do I bring up yesterday’s news to start off this, the newest of my therapy sessions masquerading as social commentary?

It’s all because of the morass of moronic mental meandering that I stumble upon while skipping handfuls of metaphorical stones across the deceptively shimmering surface of the anaerobic lagoon that is the World Wide Web. To be fair, the Internet is equally amazing and abominable, showcasing both the best and the worst that Humanity has to offer, with perhaps the lone exception being whomever greenlit the reboot of “Fame”, in 2009.

While it’s given us all the bliss that only watching hamsters eating tiny burritos can provide, there’s also the effervescent joy that is B. Dylan Hollis recreating vintage recipes, the end result of which, is that along with discovering some new unforeseen gastronomic delights, his warmth and hilarity that emerges as he does so, will do nothing less than restore your ever-dwindling faith in Humanity:

Seriously. Go follow this dude on YouTube and TikTok, and I guarantee that you will not be sorry that you did,  

Getting back on track, the creation of the Web has also sadly given us the unfettered rise in the dissemination of ignorance, paranoia, White supremacist outreach, and of course, the subject of today’s screed, that being Conspiracy Theories.  But what exactly are those, the naïve among you may ask? Well, as I like to refer to them, they’re philosophical discussions for people who actually believe that the 1987 Whitley Streiber novel “Communion”, was based on real-life events,

However, the widely accepted definitive is as such: “An attempt to explain harmful or tragic events as the result of the actions of a small powerful group. Such explanations reject the accepted narrative surrounding those events; indeed, the official version may be seen as further proof of the conspiracy.”

In simpler terms, they’re generally biased fever-dreams that are taken with far too much credence, and to help kick off todays tumble into this ever-widening rabbit hole of inanity, I present this gem of gibberish, courtesy of previous Artbitch scratching post and one of my favorite human analogs for a bowl of barely sentient pudding skin, Mr. Richard (“Ricardo”) Leyba:

This ludicrously insane supposition, yet one more example of just how delusionally disconnected the extremist arm of the alt-right movement is from accepted reality, illustrates perfectly just why they’re inherently more dangerous than comical.  

While I am open to the concept of governments engaging in the act of misdirection, I do have a hard time believing that the best option that the Deep State agents who stole the 2020 election had in reserve to draw attention away from the dealings of the Supreme Court, was to set a pop culture icon of the 90’s loose upon the stage of an awards show that moist Americans didn’t even know was on.

Truly, the most cunning of plans, worthy of Machiavelli’s respect, if not notation.

But as we’ve observed, January Sixth being the prime example of such, the dark lands that they roam, are devoid of anything save for fear, unwarranted suspicion, and their devotion to a warped faith which espouses that no occurrence is random, and that all that does transpire, is no less than the end result of predetermined and malevolent machination, put in play by an ever-changing roster of imagined enemies.

This, in and of itself, is nothing new, whereas the world of politics is concerned, for crafted propaganda has always served as a metaphorical cudgel of the influential and those hoping to eventually be, but this previous incarnation has been cast aside as of late, in favor of a far more weaponized rhetoric whose strength comes not from the sanctity of its argument, but from the wellspring of destructive divisiveness that it can generate.

And when such a virulent toxin is disseminated via a conduit that is truly accessible 24/7, the first casualty will always be rationality, if not cultural civility. Especially when the cloak of anonymity that the Internet provides, remains as of yet, immunely impenetrable.

Yesterday’s cravenly under their breath public mutterer, has become today’s online conservative warrior, and so long as they can remain hidden within their fortress of sardonic sullenness, they’ll keep punching far above their weight class, and then as they lay there bleeding from the bating that they just took, claim a victory they did not actually achieve. Now, while some might label this mindset as nothing less than the most pathetic of delusions, I’d respectfully disagree.

If anything, I for one, would say that it’s right on brand.

For instance, I have always loved it when conservatives take a positive cultural development, and due to their inability to educate themselves, turn it into a politically charged Cause célèbre fueled by ignorance, which sadly, seems to be the only way that they can inspire their minions into undertaking a course of action. Next to the act of utilizing either the physicality of a burning cross, or the imagery of a Confederate flag, that is.

In a nutshell, your typical modern-day conservative isn’t that bright, and quite honestly, has no desire to be. So, the very idea of their not immediately swallowing an outlandish concept set loose by the bey people who directly profit form it, such as the GQP leadership, conservative media companies, and of course, the merchandising arms of the Trump and QAnon cabals, is optimistic at best, unless of course you too, believe in the “War on Christmas”, the “Big Lie”, and that the 2020 election was “stolen” by agents of the so-called Deep State.

If so, here’s your conservative gift bag containing your “Trump 2024” hats, t-shirts, and yard signs, to warn everyone who may come in contact with you, that you are indeed, a total f**king idiot, worthy of both contempt and mockery. But to be fair, you should probably be used to that by now, considering you post stuff like this:

But then almost immediately, if not hypocritically, engage in an act of self-ownership by doing stuff like this:

But please, my ever so moral and upright Patriots, please continue to lecture us, the people already standing on the right side of history, as to which side of the political fence is the real enemy to America’s cherished Freedoms. You know, when you’re done legislating not only what language can be used when schools discuss the LGBTQ community, but attempting to remove women’s body autonomy, and determine what aspects of American history should be covered in a ten-foot layer of literal whitewash as well?

While Donald Trump may be the closest that the GQP has ever gotten to successfully assembling their very own version of Frankenstein’s monster save for the humanity and the broad appeal to the intelligent, their ingredient list for concocting such, as well the enablers that slavishly protect him, is a tried-and-true recipe that goes back decades, and is for MAGAts, is as easily swallowed, as pudding is to the toothless.

To create such a person, you will need to do the following: combine equal parts of fear, xenophobia, jingoism, nationalism, and willful ignorance, mix with a smattering of suspicion and religious hypocrisy, pour into an empty shell of a human being, sprinkle with ignorance, and bake in the crucible of an ever-changing for the better culture, until the racist icing turns completely White, and unbiddenly, starts boasting of its self-styled pride in being so.

And whatever you do, don’t forget to serve it with a side dish of mewling misogyny, because mythical God knows, your undersized genitalia can’t handle independent women doing things without your unnecessary approval:

I don’t want to cast unwarranted derision upon this obviously defective individual here, but does anybody else get the feeling that this man-boy’s idea of a successful three-way involves being able to freely douse his hands with Jergen’s lotion, and managing to find himself being left alone in his mom’s garage for two and a half minutes?

Whew. For a second, I thought it was only me.

I’ve often made light of modern-day conservatives for positioning themselves as inadvertent beacons for well-deserved mockery, as it’s truly the one area of their lives that they tend to overachieve in. But as of late, finding humor within the framework of their intellectual void, is becoming increasingly difficult, as their already fragile grip on collective reality is, on the face of it, crumbling faster than a Kardashian that’s been denied access to their on-call team of plastic surgeons.

Case in point:

have no idea what is going on in the interior of the squeaking hamster wheel that serves as this person’s brain, but I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark, and assume that their being forcibly medicated in the hopefully near future, might not be an entirely bad thing. And as a side observation, I am somewhat curious if the number of persons mentioned in the ”is with” tag, are actually real people, or is this seemingly mentally ill individual just trying to quell the screaming voices within his otherwise empty head?

Sadly, when it comes to flights of rapidly escalating fancy, my obsessively cap-locked friends here, are not alone, as ever increasingly, the GQP finds itself serving as a cravenly catch-all for whom the term “conspiracy nut” was so diplomatically crafted.

Granted, these simplistic sheeple would most likely prefer that we use the term “Truth Seekers” instead, but to be fair, if I were to describe myself to others in the way that I would favor, I’m pretty sure I’d tend to go with the descriptive of “Milla Jovovich’s side-squeeze”, every chance I got.

Nevertheless, my interest in being the boy-toy of Resident Evil’s bad-ass bitch aside, it’s still far less insane than some of the more… let’s just say, “unique” theorems that this mob of muttonheads have come up with, such as these gems, courtesy of a woman who I feel should come with her own warning label, if not a lifetime supply of Clozapine:

Far be it from me to look a gift horse in the mouth, but as far as unexpected presents go, this one delivered straight from the hands of the Writing Gods above, is more reward than I deserve. I’m not sure which divine literary deity decreed that I should be the recipient of this cornucopia of warped character, but I swear upon the ghost of Kurt Vonnegut himself, that I’ll do my humble best to milk it, as if I were Melania Trump at a Rothschild family reunion.

However, never let it be said, or even implied, that when it comes to unhinged bon mots, that the GQP doesn’t take its responsibilities seriously. That’s the best part about the functionally insane- to them, the act of serving up slices of cray-cray souffle such as these are commonplace, but to a writer like myself, they sparkle as if they were diamonds glued to a disco ball.Seriously. How could I not appreciate lunacy such as this? It has everything: clones, CGI avatars, crisis actors, and best of all, a plot lifted straight out of 2013’s “G.I. Joe: Retaliation”, wherein the “real” President of the United States, is replaced by a double, who’s allied with the terrorist organization known as COBRA. On his best day, even J.J Abrams couldn’t come up with a plot line as stupid as this, and keep in mind, he’s the guy who co-wrote the screenplay for Armageddon, starring Ben Affleck.

What’s even more bizarre, is how Storbeck mutated the “shot” that Trump referenced in relation to Biden, as it never once suggested the theory that Biden had been replaced with a lookalike, but instead, Trump’s groundless and wholly crass accusation that doctors had given Biden, and this, according to the mango-tinted poster boy for Adderall, a “big fat shot in the a**.”, to increase his energy, not end his life.

But hey… I guess for some people, context is really hard when all those crayons you shoved up your nose in kindergarten, still haven’t been removed. Amazingly though, this isn’t even the best stop on the way to conservative Crazytown, because believe it or not, there’s another posting by Storbeck that actually manages to turn the volume of its own insanity up one more notch to eleven, the Holy Grail of sound so brilliantly achieved by the lead guitarist of Spinal Tap, the incomparable Nigel Tufnel.

Normally, I wouldn’t bring out the main act before the opening band, but this wackadoo warble, may just be the lone exception to that rule. I mean… if I have Freddie Mercury cooling his heels backstage, why on Earth would I make anyone suffer through an hour-and-a-half of Smashmouth, just to hear the only two good songs that they ever made? Those are of course, “”Walkin’ on the Sun”, and their banging cover of the Monkees. “I’m a Believer”.

Yeah, I said it. Come at me, “All-Star” devotees. I dare ya’

One of the beautiful things about narratives such as the one I’m about to present to the world entire on Storbeck’s behalf, is just how multifaceted they can be. On the one hand, they’re nuttier than Gary Busey mainlining Red Bull, and on the other, more pathetic than Ted Cruz desperately attempting to cosplay as both a man and as a human being.

Sure, the end result of watching such, is always the joy of knowing that he’s quite bad at it, but isn’t it just a little bit sad, that nobody ever tells him to stop, even if it’s only out of pity?  However, I don’t pity mouth-breathers like Storbeck, because this kind of irrational conceptualization has less to do with being led astray by others, and far more to do with willfully going down the rabbit hole, because you find Reality far too challenging.

Say what you will about Donald Trump, and lord knows, there’s room to do so, but I’ve yet to hear him spout off about non-terrestrial aliens in public. And keep in mind this is the same guy who once told the American people that windmill noise causes cancer, and then went on to later inform a crowd of reporters that; “Women are tied up, they’re bound, duct tape put around their faces, around their mouths, in many cases, they can’t even breathe. They’re put in the backs of cars or vans or trucks.”

So, if anything, I may have to actually grant him some leeway down the road, in regards to his buffoonery, especially when bulls**t like this, is disseminated as vitally required information:

Wow. Just… wow. Not only does Storbeck believe in the psychosis that every single human being on Earth is the unwitting carrier of extraterrestrial DNA, she also ascribes to the madness that in every city as well, there are dormant squads of people who have been, and I quote; “MKultra’d”, to boot.

For those unfamiliar with this term, it refers to a once-secret human experimentation program that was overseen by the CIA, and which followed in the footsteps of similar programs such Project Bluebird and Project Artichoke. MK Ultra exploited the debatably effective techniques of brainwashing and psychological torture, as well as the use of psychotropic drugs such as LSD, in order to break down mental resistance from individuals who found themselves facing invasive interrogation.

Due to MK Ultra’s far-reaching scope, malevolently masquerading as legitimate scientific research, an unknown number of unsuspecting test subjects found themselves abused, by no less than 80 esteemed institutions, ranging from the expected, such as pharmaceutical companies, to colleges and hospitals, until the program was disbanded without fanfare, sometime around1973.

And ever since it’s existence was made known to the American public in 1975, its been a favorite fallback for both the clinically paranoid, and those who spirt tin-foil condoms. It’s basically the synopsis of the 1977 Charles Bronson movie “Telefon”, but whereas that film dealt with the issue of Russian sleeper agents posing as American citizens, Storbeck goes one better, and substitutes the Harvesters from 1996’s “Independence Day”, but only after suggesting that they’ve gotten it on with humans first.

You know, come to think of it… I would watch the f**k out of a movie like that, but I seriously doubt I’d be able to maintain the suspension of disbelief required, in order to do so.

Obviously, I’m kidding, but it’s fairly apparent that Storbeck is not, which leads me to question as to whether her beliefs stem from the seemingly supported contention that she’s possibly mentally ill, or, as the preliminary evidence also suggests, no more than just another f**king idiot, unfortunately blessed with internet access.

Decades from now, when this era in American history is to be discussed by the enlightened few still among us, I for one, hope that the question of just how otherwise rational people willingly turned into the political equivalent of a Manson Family member, will not only have been answered, but used as a prophetic blueprint of sorts, to prevent such a societal abomination from ever happening again.

Don’t get  me wrong, I completely understand the urge to laugh at stupidity ;like this, but I’m also mindful of the damage that it can inflict if left unimpeded as well. Remember, not only are these people allowed to drive, breed, and openly handle guns and sharp stabby things without adult supervision, they can also vote, and they do, much to the detriment of this once respected republic.

While that very thought is definitively unsettling, independent of itself, is the knowledge that their paranoic worldview isn’t just limited to the world of politics, but to all the aspects connected to it, be they cultural, societal, or ethical. Is downright terrifying. As the late Canadian writer Jane Rule once so accurately noted; “Morality is a test of our conformity rather than our integrity.”, and nobody proves this assertion better than your modern-day conservative.

Take this example for instance, wherein my town’s resident Cafeteria Christian, Ruth Darlene Seawolf, sets us all straight regarding an issue that I can only assume is an affront to the voices in her head alone, as I’ve never heard anyone else ever complain about it:

So, what apparently unchecked social crisis is currently occurring, that has Seawolf clutching her faux pearls online? Well, shockingly for a so-called Christian, it’s not the issue of homelessness, or of children going hungry, nor is it the rampant racism, economic inequality, misogyny, and homophobia infesting our national fabric, either. What then, could it possibly be?

Well, I’ll just let Seawolf’s re-post speak for itself:

Like most people, I’ve attended my fair share of weddings. But I can also attest, and this without the fear of future contradiction that despite the variance of the nuptials that I’ve been a guest at, I’ve yet to witness one that would qualify as a truly au naturel soiree. In addition, I’ve also never heard anyone applying descriptive to the bride in attendance, as if she were constructed out of foodstuffs, as a rule.

And I say this as someone who’s been to no less than three adult film star weddings. Sure, the scenery was nice, but really, the most memorable thing about all of them, was the truly phenomenal catering. A wedding cake made from individual macrons in three different yet complimentary flavors? That, boys and girls, is how you throw a motherf**king banger.

Now, if you’re a regular reader of mine, you already know who Seawolf is, that being Silver City’s resident canonizer of Christian hypocrisy, but her manufactured outrage vis-à-vis a non-issue that literally has nothing to do with her, takes the metaphorical wedding cake, dos it not? Granted, while her usual whining and disingenuousness is on full display as always, the implication that the groom is the one truly suffering here, is a fresh spin whereas her normal mewling is concerned.

Not to mention, I appreciate her commentary of “Women honor your husband to be and yourself on that day”, whatever the hell that actually means, addressed to whatever allegorical young bride she thinks might actually want the counsel of a middle-aged-one-wang-Willamina-from-Wichita. Nope, that’s not arrogant at all, coming from a woman who almost every day, and that without fail, or any measure of personal introspection manages to embarrass not only her fantastical celestial creator, but herself as well.

As for the statement of “Bridesmaids now dress like street girls”, which is no more than a blatant inference that women who dare dress provocatively are no better than sex workers, I’d point out that both the writer of said comment and the walking Hobby Lobby couch that reposted it, would give up at least two oi their collective chins to be able to wear an outfit that didn’t remind the men in their lives, that they settled far short pf the goalposts.

But as at my core I am a people person, I’d like to be helpful, and point out to Seawolf that if she ever does ever does receive an invite to a strangers wedding, there’s two places where she can stay for free- that being, in her own lane, and out of other people’s business.

Regardless of their hypocrisy, however, morality is one of the most prominent hills that conservatives just love to die on, despite their ongoing support for a dipped in dime store bronzer adulterous demagogue, who’s thrice-married, inherently craven, morally rudderless, and if any of his own self-uttered statements are to be believed, he may eternally serve as the closest thing the White House has ever had to hosting a sexually deviant freakshow, since the days of Martin Van Buren.

Don’t let that hair and grandfatherly demeanor fool you one bit- a Statesmen in the streets, a swordsman in the sheets, was the ol” Marty, and History,will in time, prove me right.

Concerning this torrid tangent, Conservatives are OBSESSED with sex, and not in the way most of us are. I may be the only one who thinks this, and I certainly hope that I am not, but does it strike strange to anyone else that people who claim to be straighter than a Mormon yardstick, spend so much time focusing on the genitalia and gender identity of those they claim they’d rather not share the planet with.

Comedian Michelle Wolf in her Netflix special “Joke Show”, once quipped; “Like, I thought I liked dick, and then I heard a gay guy talk about it, and I was like, “Oh, no, I think it’s just okay.” Gay guys talk about dick the way men wished women talked about dick. Straight men, if you want someone to love your dick, be gay! Gay guys talk about dick the way kids talk about Christmas. They’re like, “Is it here yet? Can I open it?” Women, we talk about dick the way Jews talk about Christmas.”

I’m not going to draw any conclusions here, but I would suggest that if you’re supposedly a straight arrow who spends the majority of your free time ruminating about gay sex or gender reassignment surgery, more than the people actually engaging in it, the time has arrived for you to reevaluate some concepts about yourself, stop hiding behind the Christmas gifts being storied in the back of your symbolic closet, and embrace your truth at last. 

While truth at best depends on not just your perspective, but your experience as well, the fact that conservatives tend to think about dick (or the lack thereof) very much in the same way that I reflect upon what Angeline Jolie would look like modeling a bikini made out of Cool Whip, does open the metaphorical doors of conversation as to just why they feel the need to do so in the first place.

I’ve covered this topic previously (LGBTQ-phobia that is, not Cool Whip based fashion) in relation to the putrid personage that is prior Artbitch honoree Richard “Ricardo” Leyba, whose two main talking points bounce back and forth between his personal disgust at the thought of American children learning actual history, and his unwarranted fear of transsexuals.

But as it is with all things that the alt-right refuses to understand, claiming the victim is really the predator, as they continue to turn a blind eye to the actual ones, is a key deflection tactic.

Proof of this concept, courtesy of said Ricky Retardo, to whom I could point out, that the ratio of heterosexual to homosexual pedophiles has been calculated to be approximately 11:1, but considering his totally not weird at all obsession with this particular  topic, I’d be better off suggesting that he should probably just move in with a rough trick named Scott, and call it a day:

This advice, coming from a person who will rant about Gays & Transpeople at the drop of a hat, but I digress.

I don’t know exactly where Richard went to grade school, but that place sounds lit as f**k. I’m starting to think that most of his anger comes from the fact that when it came to his sexual education classes, his teachers gently let him in on the fact that he wasn’t attractive to either gender, and that in order to cope with this reality, he should probably develop an all-consuming hobby of some sort. Obviously, he followed their advice, but I’m sure they thought he’d become a collector of stamps, rather than one of character flaws.

Oh no! Did somebody accidentally on purpose, forget about Jennifer Williams, the first openly transgender Municipal Chair for the Republican Party in the United States, or Massachusetts House Rep, Althea Garrison, not to mention Republican Town Committee secretary Jordan Evans, as well as former Olympian and loyal Republican Caitlyn Jenner? I guess they did.

If it’s “not about” either sexual discipline Richard, then why is it, that I’ve yet to see you trashing any straight people in regards to inappropriate behavior?

I mean… this is a world in which Comedian Louis C.K, Pixar and Disney Animation chief John Lasseter, movie producer Harvey Weinstein, film director Brett Ratner, as well as actor Jeremy Piven, have all been accused of inapt misconduct, yet you never utter a peep when it’s one of the normies. Odd, that. I’m sure that’s just a minor oversight, given your need to protect America’s children from those that wouldn’t harm them in the first place.

Speaking only for myself, I honestly don’t believe in the construct of Hell, but if it does actually exist, may I suggest to the High Lord of Darkness, that the appropriate punishment for our anti-humanist here, would be the undergoing of whatever gender-reassignment surgery is required for him to be able to go f**k himself for eternity?

As I’ve been showing for quite some time now, the talking points of conservatives rarely (if ever) come from a position of strength, since most of them are drawn from either ignorance or sheer delusion, and when it comes to the topic of pedophilia, it serves as no more than yet another slur of the moment, wherein they accuse anyone who doesn’t openly swear allegiance to Trump, as being either an advocate for its societal implementation, or a devoted practitioner of such.

Considering that Trump has admitted on tape to being an unabashed sexual predator, conservatives’ claims of others engaging in alleged sexual perversity, ring hollow at best. Nevertheless, when they do attempt to inflict their slander upon the populace, in a pathetic effort to slur their adversaries (be they real or imagined), the resultant self-ownership they’ve given form to, is nothing less than amazing:

I honestly can’t say what I find funnier here- the unfortunate semantics that debatably infer that Trump is a pedophile, or the pride that Morris openly displays in regards to selecting his favorite one. Either/or. It’s a win-win, no matter how you choose to look at it

Now, when the threadbare gambit of mixing two unrelated topics together (homosexuality and pedophilia) fails, as it often does in selling their fever dreams as concrete reality, there’s always their bastardized version of Christianity to use as a cudgel of cowardice, instead:

For context, what Terresa us referring to here, is described in the book of Genesis as the circumstances surrounding the moment when God reveals to Abraham, that the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah are to be destroyed for their grave sins. Abraham pleads not only for the lives of any righteous people living there, but for the lives of his nephew, Lot, and his family as well.

God responds to his bequest by agreeing to spare the cities if 50 righteous people can be found, and then, because he’s such an understanding sociopath, acquiesces to spare them if only 10 righteous people can be found as an alternative.

He then commands two angels, appearing in the form of men, to seek out Lot in Sodom, but they encounter a mob described only as “wicked”, who demand for no specific reason, to have sex with them, despite not taking either one of them out for a night on the town first. In an act of selfless sacrifice, Lot instead, suggests that the mob RAPE HIS DAUGHTERS as a compromise, thereby leading to his witnessing the smashing of his “Best Dad Ever” coffee mug upon the floor sometime later,

Despite Lot’s colossal failure as a father, hypocritically scripted as the purest of spiritual obedience, the angelic heralds not only blind the now enraged mob, but set forth the proclamation that only Lot and his family qualify as righteous among the populace, they inform Lot to quickly evacuate the city, as a brimstone storm with a chaser of sulfur is a-comin’.

In spite of their issuing a dire warning that that he should not look back, his wife finds herself turned into a pillar of salt when she does, because God along with being a myth, is also the pettiest of bitches.

Speaking of which, your takeaway from Terresa’s ignorant comment above that she considers herself a “good” Christian, albeit a modern-day one, and you would be %100 right.

And how do I know this? Well first, she likes to break the edict of Exodus 20:16 by bearing false witness:Yeah… never mind the human toll of war, such as the abominable number of innocent civilians remorselessly killed by a callous madman, the thing we should all keep an eye on in relation to this illegal invasion, is making sure that the helium leaking out of your head, is channeled directly into your bulls**t conspiracy theory, instead.

Then of course, there’s Terresa’s embrace of internalized misogyny, which is when women subconsciously project sexist ideas onto other women, and even onto themselves, as seen by the example, wherein she slurs Kamala Harris as a whore, while ignoring the reality that the president whose crassness I’d assume that she pleasures herself to, actually has them on call, because his wife would rather ride a cactus, long before she’d ride him for 30 seconds: 

Let me tell you, there’s no better way to prove that you’re a string woman, than by trying to tear down other women, who unlike you, will actually leave behind a legacy that wasn’t based on just how fast you can shotgun a case of beer. And Terressa? Blowjobs didn’t seem to bug you when your mango-tinted man-child was shelling out 130Kper hummer, but I digress.

As expected, Terresa than pivots, and employs the tried-and-true claim of victimhood, but in this case, adds a disingenuous assertion that the cultural shifts occurring in today’s world aren’t the result of long-held erroneous concepts and stagnant thinking evolving positively, but are instead, the end result of a corrupted society:This false narrative, a favorite consistently echoed by the walking regurgitation parrots that are the GQP base, like most of their inferences, fails to hold water, especially when scrutinized with even the weakest of critical eyes. However, I can never pass up an opportunity to play with my food, so let’s dive in.

first off, the concept of the “traditional” family is no less than archaic these days, given the fact that while society has tried its best to keep up with the ever-evolving face of marriage, conservatives have not, and their attempt to weaponize what was originally a contract based on the premise that women needed to be bound to men as nothing more than acquired property, whose sole purpose was to produce progeny..

This belief, was notated within the Ancient Greece betrothal ceremony, wherein a bride’s father would pass his daughter on to another man, stating as he did so that: “I pledge my daughter for the purpose of producing legitimate offspring.” According to ancient custom, Hebrew men were encouraged to engage in polygamy, while Greek and Roman husbands were expected to acquire concubines, prostitutes, and disturbingly, teenage male paramours, as a rule. You know… like we still do today?

And what was expected of their wives, you ask? Well, it certainly wasn’t an arrangement based on equality, that’s for sure. Essentially, their mission in life was to take care of their house, and satisfy the needs of the three states of mind that all men possess, which my late Oma used to refer to as the “Three H’s”- that being, Happy, Horny, and Hungry.

But yes, let’s not upset that pomegranate cart with actual facts, shall we?

See, what Teressa is really saying here, is not that she’s a fan of what I just described, it’s more that she just can’t abide the reality of the LGBTQ community getting the same protectional benefits of marriage that has always been afforded to the “Straights”, as it were. But look on the bright side, my homophobic hater-;they now also get to lose half their stuff if their marriage falls apart like the rest of us, so hold on to that nugget of bile, whenever you need to warm up your little blackened hear.

However, while some conservatives may also rail about mixed-race marriages in tandem, I won’t paint Terresa with that broad brush, as I’d like to hold onto my optimism that while she’s obviously dumber than a display rack of “Trump 2024 “hats, she’s still smart enough to accept that black people are no longer a piece of property, on the same level that a microwave is currently considered to be.

As for the rest, not wanting to have children nor give up your body autonomy, is not, nor will it ever be, a
“war” on either babies or women. The only persons that I see waging war on those two demographics, are conservatives, who, when not trying to force women to carry the children of their rapists, demand the right to dictate how they live their lives afterward.

Appallingly, the same people screaming “What about the children?!?”, are also the same ones ignoring the alleged sexual crimes of Matt Gaetz, as they carry forward in their attempt to lower the age limitations for, consensual sex and marriage, but I’m certain that Terresa will address that contradictory thornbush at some point, right?

Now to be fair, I’ve had some fun with Terresa’s willful density, but now I’ll top it off with just a smidgen of her hypocrisy, because for not only is it amusing to do so, it’s free, to boot. This is why I love conservatives so damn much- they truly do make mocking them extremely cost-efficient, and for that, I can only offer my sincerest thanks.

If you recall, I started off this facet with Terresa’s posting slurring the LGBTQ community at large, so it would stand to reason that she has a huge issue with their sexual practices, most likely based on her ignorance of the lifestyle and the people who engage in them. Therefore, it would stand to reason that in no way shape, or form, would she ever condone its infliction (as she most certainly sees it) upon another person unwilling to openly experiment with it. Makes sense, does it not?

That is, unless of course it’s enacted against someone she doesn’t like:

Man, Jesus must be so stoked to have this bleached sewer rat on his team, let me tell you. Nothing sates “I’m a good person”, like wishing felonious sexual assault on an individual whose worst transgression was lying about an alleged assault. Not murder. Not rape. Not the abuse of a child. A lie about getting into a racially-based fight. You know, the thing that conservatives do almost every day in some form?

And yet, I don’t see Terresa calling for any of those people to be buggered against their will. For the life of me, I still cannot understand just why modern-day conservatives get tarred and feathered as immature, ignorantly hateful racists, can you? Remember that previous paragraph where I gave Terresa the benefit of the doubt that she wasn’t a bigot?

Yeah, that might have been a tad premature on my part. Seems like I’m gonna have to take that merit badge back ASAP, and replace it with a far more useful dry-cleaning coupon, so that she can keep her collection of white robes spotless, instead. Obviously, I’m joking regarding her wardrobe choices, because when it gets right down to it, how would you clean a white robe that’s actually melded to what used to be your soul?

In regards to Terresa’s declaration that she’s “mad as hell”, and “isn’t going to take it anymore”, I’d opine that her being mad stems less from any actual disagreement, and is based on her being confused by things that are outside her bubble of ignorant influence. Hence the reason why, she’ll be finding herself in the years to come, screeching to a world that doesn’t give a damn what she thinks.

Let’s recap the list of things revealed within this screed, that Republicans have shown that they fear thus far: African-American Supreme Court nominees, non-racist children’s; books, independent women, technology, Hillary Clinton, persons who have been “MKultra’d”, clones, CGI avatars, and of course, crisis actors.

In addition, there’s also the issue of reptilian DNA, immodest brides throwing nude weddings, the LGBTQ community as always, Putin being held accountable for being a warmongering sociopath, an African American woman serving as (Hey! A Theme!) Vice President, non-traditional families, and women making their own choices without asking permission from men first.

Does that about cover it? Good. I always worry about my readers getting lost on their way back to the Lair of Snarkitude, and the last thing I need is for my Lair-owners insurance to go up, just because someone got eaten after finding themselves in front of Cerberus without a box of Milk-Bones, which happens way more than you might think.

Does that about cover it? Good. I always worry about my readers getting lost on their way back to the Lair of Snarkitude, and the last thing I need is for my Lair-owners insurance to go up, just because someone got eaten after finding themselves in front of Cerberus without a box of Milk-Bones, which happens way more than you might think.

Moving forward, the past two years have been a Godsend for those who mainline machinated masturbatory fantasies, along with the people who profit from their manufacture as well. Regardless of the topic being discussed, you can almost certainly guarantee that the conservative cud-chewers who present false narratives as fact, not only have a conspiracy concerning said subject, they’ve got at least two in reserve, just in case it gets debunked.

Popular ones that are still making the rounds state that a worldwide network of ritualistic Satanists along with the global elite, (AKA: “The Deep State” or “The Cabal,”) control not only Hollywood and the entertainment industry at large, but torture and sexually abuse children, for the purpose of drinking their blood in a bid to stay youthful, because as we all know, plastic surgery is so 2015.

According to the spray-paint-huffers who believe this trash, key figures within this shadowy league of influential degenerates allegedly include Tom Hanks, Ellen DeGeneres, Oprah Winfrey, Pope Francis, the late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, England’s Queen Elizabeth, and of course, Hillary Clinton, who somehow, had the energy to run her branch of this pedophile emporium out of the basement of a pizzeria. in Washington D.C.

Love her or hate her, you have to admit, that woman does know how to multitask.

Strangely though, the morons who accept this as gospel, never seem to have any Republicans on their list of Satanic cabalists, even though as of late, the only prominent people I’ve observed being routinely indicted or accused of sexual crimes, tend to be on the conservative side of the fence. I’m sure that’s not a deliberate oversight, so much as it is just lazy bookkeeping.

In fact, after spending months wading through this sewer of the subconscious, I’m starting to think that the main network that propagates this urine masquerading as journalism, known as One America News, or OAN for short, should probably give some serious consideration to changing its (at one point in time) slogan from “Your Source for Credible News”, to this far more accurate representation:

Thanks to these Alt-Right-wingnuts, we’re still hearing about the mass delusion that Trump not only won the 2020 election and is still the president, he’s also secretly preparing a mass arrest of government officials and celebrities responsible for both the Cabal itself, as well as the obviously transparent election fraud that supposedly cost him his right to serve as our Dictator-in Chief.

This act of generosity offered to us all, despite his busy schedule of promoting the “Big Lie”, scamming the users of his failing media platform Truth Social, and holding ego-stroking rallies, that are seemingly necessary to his psychological well-being, as he can’t sustain an election anymore without the support of either Russia, or the Republicans they’ve purchased.

Begrudgingly though, I must give credit where credit is due. Whereas intellectuals manage to stay on topic, (as that’s where the facts are to be found) the disciples of Conspiritualism can, without so much as a moment’s notice, ricochet off reality, and find themselves on an unrelated tangent that’s just as equally insane, and sometimes, unintentionally adorable in its childlike acceptance of that which is nonsensical:

Not gonna lie here, this actually made me smile, for it reminds me of a far simpler time, when the stupidest things that I thought I’d ever have to deal with over a Home for the Holidays dinner, were theorem presented by my honorary Uncle Sal, who would openly ponder the possibility that the Loch Ness Monster still swimming around, was as real as a Yeti walking without care in the Himalayas, and that JFK and Marilyn Monroe were still alive, and living under assumed names in, [wait for it…\ Rhode Island.

However, the legendary classic that I still recall with great fondness, was his insistence that one day, the “truth” would “come out” about Ringo Starr being the Beatle that actually died prior to the release of “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”, and not Paul, as the myth states, claiming all the evidence to prove his case, could be found after several sessions of listening to George Harrison’s third studio album, “All Things Must Pass”. Personally, I have no idea if any of this is true, but I will say this: ”What is Life” is still one of the best songs ever recorded, and rest assured, I will fight you over this.

Getting back on track, while I have no idea who this James Gilliland is, the range of topics that he apparently covers, is truly a marathon of mental meandering on par with my honorary Uncle Sal’s dissertation on just how JFK faked his own death with the help of Richard Nixon, and settled down with the one woman that truly brought him joy in the end. Admit it. Not only would this plot make one hell of a thriller, it would easily qualify as the best Rom-com ever made.

As a writer of some self-referential note, I’ve always taken care to construct narratives with a definable beginning, middle, and end, but this hodgepodge of hilarity, may be worthy of all the praise that I can throw it. Sure, it’s got the standard hits, that being the alleged moon landing, the Deep State, Aliens, and everybody’s favorite waking plush-y, Bigfoot, but the addition of Elves, inner Earth, and crop circles?

That, boys and girls, is pure freaking psychotic genius. Disturbingly, a very large part of me is now exceedingly curious as to what “other good info” was addressed in the show, but for whatever reason, was left on the cutting room floor of Kimberly’s meme factory. Believe me now, as for once I’m not being sarcastic, the very idea of elfin women who all look like Liv Tyler with her hair combed out just walking around, is very appealing to me, for a variety of reasons.

Sadly though, I have to leave this cotton-candy-brained intellectual whose disconnection from the world of the real is more amusing than venomous, and return to the sphere where it’s widely accepted that QAnon is akin to what would occur if Scientology specifically recruited hillbillies to join its cause.  

Why do I make this observation, you may ask?

Well, when you witness a widely diverse group of people openly admitting to believing in the existence of angels, the story of Noah’s Ark, alien abduction, chemtrails, mind-controlled sleeper agents lying in wait for their marching orders, cloned world leaders, lizard-human hybrids, and that there needs to be a remake of “Highlander” starring Steve Buscemi as Connor MacLeod, with Danny DeVito taking over the role of Juan Sanchez from the late Sean Connery, but place no faith in the value of science, medicine, or education, some negative associations are going to be made.

At the moment, we all live in an age where the repository of the world’s information entire, is literally at our fingertips, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and yet, this may possibly be the dumbest generation of Americans this country has ever produced, outside of the one that truly thought.”50 Shades of Grey” was an accurate description of both romance, and the BDSM community as it currently exists.

To kick it off, we’ll start with a person who’s gone well out of her way, to make sure that not only will her social engagement calendar be wide open, but her Facebook friends list as well:Man, does this photo have it all. The declaration that being asked to take the merest of precautions to ensure that her fellow citizens don’t get sick, is nothing less than pure “tyranny”, as she puts forth the narrative claim that it was being forced upon us as a whole, which is, and remains, patently untrue. In essences, this woman is a perfect walking example of what happens when the baselessly entitled find themselves requested to think of other people for a change.

However, I will give props to this anti-vaxxers hand-lettering skills, because that poster board displaying her ignorance, is tighter than a group of Republicans defending the January Sixth insurrection. Never mind the fact the message it contains is coming from a person whose political party wants women to have no say over their own bodies, and also believes that rapists who impregnate said women, should not only be awarded full parental rights, but also that the women they sexually assaulted, be forced to carry the baby they did not ask for, to full-term delivery.

But my favorite part of this image, just so happens to be her sporting a “Jesus Loves You” shirt, which succinctly underscores her inherent hypocrisy, for as God commanded via Philippians 2:4; “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” which seemingly, she didn’t get the gist of. Remember when God had warrior he could brag about?

Yeah… I’m pretty sure God misses those days too.

It seems that the issue of the “Scamdemic” as the red-hatted Vanilla Vanguard likes to call it, has become not only a rallying point among the lowest ilk of the conservative movement, it also serves as a launchpad of sorts for their missiles of martyrdom, regarding everything from getting vaccinated, to (GASP!) the unconstitutional indignity of being asked to wear a mask for five minutes, as they waddle through a Walmart.

Comparisons made concerning these requests, from persons who, deep in their hearts, still believe that Claudius Ptolemy got it right, range from slurring doctors as everything from NAZI’s to murderers, as they openly bleat about others who choose to follow common sense protocols, as being no more than mindless “sheep”.

An opinion that they fomented, as I’m more than happy to point out, not from listening to actual scientists, but from a failed Reality Tv show host instead, who once not only declared that that windmill noise causes cancer, but informed the world entire in regards to a devastating storm ripping through Puerto Rico, that it was, and I quote;  “wet ‘from the standpoint of water’, concluding his remarks with the stunning revelation that Puerto Rico was also; “an island surrounded by water, big water, ocean water,”

This of course was a necessary distinction, so as not to confuse Puerto Rico with either the Virgin Islands, surrounded by co-eds from Brigham Young University, or Christmas Island, which as we all know, is encircled by egg nog. I may get some well-deserved flak for this, but I dare say that none of these people are going to be extended the graciousness of an invite to join MENSA, anytime soon.

But perhaps I spoke too soon, as there are a few knuckle-draggers among these anti-vaxxing troglodytes that appear far brighter than most of their contemporaries. Take for instance, this ever so credible advice suggested by part-tome armchair virologist, and full-time internet lawyer, “Wood George”:

Um… “Wood”? That’s not how that works. That’s not how anything works. In fact, for your supposition to make any sense, I in theory, would be able to sue Cadbury for their crème-filled eggs giving me Type 1 Diabetes, because mythical God knows, as a kid, I used to wolf those things down three at a time, and I never saw a warning label of any kind, telling me not to do so.  

I could also point out the mortality rate being so high can be directly traced back to an incompetent Oompa-Loompa not taking the virus seriously, going against the advice of his scientific advisors, firing the in-place pandemic team, and leaving behind no plan for nationwide vaccine distribution, but why tax your intellect with actual facts?

Shockingly, Facebook is a PRIVATE company, therefore, as their publicly accessible rules clearly state, they can regulate the type of content allowed on their platform, regardless of what information its users decide to post. That’s why you can’t upload nudity, promote acts of extreme violence, sell weapons, call for someone to be threatened or “doxed”, and the like. If this offends you, feel free to take your patronage over to Truth Social permanently, as you tell the founder of Facebook, to cordially go and Zuck himself.

However, since Trump’s rapidly failing cash-grab is still working out its scores of soft-launch Beta bugs, I can only wish you the best of luck, as you’re going to need it. Mostly to keep the app from crashing, or so I’ve heard.

And as for FB removing the “cure” from the sight of its users, exactly which one are you specifically talking about? Could it be Chloroquine Phosphate, which can lead to lethal heart complications? Or perhaps you’re referring to ingesting Quercetin, Zinc, or Vitamin D, instead? Nah, you strike me as the kind of guy that thinks that Ivermectin (a medicine that curtails parasites in animals) is the way to go, despite the number of people hospitalized after taking a formulation designed for horses, rather than humans.

Call me crazy, but if I’m gonna take a drug to cure or limit a disease, I’m going to choose the one that can’t be located at a tack store, or requires the intervention of an equine specialist in order to acquire its prescription.

Wood’s paranoia is quite the common denominator among the ignorant conscienti of the anti-vaxx cabal, but previous Artbitch honoree Ken Cykala here, kicks it up a notch, by suggesting a plot twist straight out of a John le Carré novel. That is, if John le Carré was channeling Alex Jones on a drunken bender:

I’m actually kind of proud of Cykala here for once, as his postings normally involve blatant racism, false crime statistics, and selectively skewed cherry-picking of verified data, so seeing him willfully donning a tin-foil suit to be just one of the guys, is quite the refreshing change, given his penchant for mental mediocrity.

Who knows? There might just be some hope for him yet… but only if he can find a way to keep the CIA from reading his so-called thoughts, if only so that he can more effectively deal with the black helicopters that track his movements. Take my advice here Ken, for I know what I speak of, no matter how much it may tell you that everything is cool between you, never ever trust your toaster. He’s an informant.

Sticking with delusional suggestions regarding COVID and its variants, here’s one from a while back, and when I say “back”, I’m referring to the year of 1963, because apparently, not only is ignorance timeless, it also seems to have acquired the use of a TARDIS as well:

You read that right, kids. A sci-fi film, released sometime during the Kennedy era, directed by Ugo Gregoretti, and starring the incomparable talents of Renato Salvatori, Rosemary Dexter, Franco Luzzi, and Gaetano Quartararo. has, and I quote; “obvious political and societal subtexts”, for no other reason than the random quirk that its moniker is identical to that of an infectious variant borne from a virus.

Despite the somewhat irrelevant detail that no one remembers this film, or has ever even heard of it in the first place, I remain thoroughly convinced that there just may be something to this theory, given all the similarities twixt the two,

To start, while the plot revolves around an invisible alien (not a virus) that takes over the body of a dead factory worker, in an attempt to conquer the earth, it’s almost akin to what COVID is currently doing, just without all that messy character development, cohesive narrative, and series of logically based conclusions that distinguishes it from the fantasy that plays 24/7 inside Leyba’s vacuously empty head.

Lastly, the name “Omicron”, which represents the 15’th letter in the Greek alphabet, was chosen by the World Health Organization, who began designating COVID’s variants with Greek letters as part of a failed public relations campaign, in order to avoid widespread confusion among simpletons like Leyba, who almost immediately, misinterpreted it as nothing less than a Deep State plot.

The presenting of somewhat labyrinthine intrigues, seems to be a recurring theme whereas Leyba’s POV is concerned, and it should really come as no surprise to anyone who reads the transcripts of his humanistic de-evolution in progress, that most of his conceptual formulation takes its cues from a mélange of media, far better suited for an individual whose walls are more likely to be covered over with post-it notes and link charts drawing unrelated parallels, rather than by well-stocked bookshelves.

In Leyba’s ever-increasingly fearful world, everything is connected, everything is subversive, and there’s no such thing as an improbable conspiracy, regardless of what certainty and sanity may suggest:

In the world that once was, prior to the conservative movement willingly turning into slack-jawed sociopaths that is, I would not to have point out that movies are not, as a rule, a flawless mirror of reflected reality. And if I were to take my societal prompts from such a motivational source, I can guarantee you beyond a shadow of any doubt, that a zombie film would never be my primary source for medical advice.

This opinion by the way, is largely dependent on the fact that unlike Leyba, I actually happen to be a fully functioning adult. Trust me. It’s as much of a curse in this day and age, as you might think.

After all, it’s one thing to falsely suggest that a vaccine is untested, poses an extreme risk, or believe that it’s being unlawfully forced upon the disinclined, but when your best argument against it is to reference the walking dead, you’ve failed far harder than those normally decimated by the parameters of Godwin’s Law.

But what are we as a society supposed to think, and more importantly do, with a swath of the populace who not only believes in illogical premises, such as the asinine Omicron fable Leyba presented, but truly ascribes faith to the narrative that the pandemic was a plan set in motion over twenty years ago?

Unfortunately for Leyba, his reposted meme purporting that it shows an image of a mural created in 1994 for the Denver International Airport, is in actuality, a cropped image of a painting by Philippine artist CJ Trinadad, titled “Maskcommunication.”, that has absolutely no connection whatsoever with the airport’s pubic art program,

Adding further insult to already injurious idiocy, in a March 2020 photo that was uploaded to social media by the artist himself, Trinidad is shown posing with said painting, in opposition to Leyba’s false assertion, thereby reaffirming my suspicion that I know exactly which kid in Leyba’s pre-school class was the one who sat in the corner and ate paste:

And just how long did it take me to discover the definable truth behind this cherry-picked story that Ricky Retardo here, most certainly overlooked accidentally on purpose ? Well, would you believe:

I tell you, the blood, sweat, tears, and milliseconds that these people make put into my literary work, is inhuman. Absolutely inhuman. I honestly don’t know where I get the stamina. Oh wait, I totally do, After all, laughter is the best medicine.

But Time, as the saying goes, waits for no man or Artbitch for that matter, so let’s move on to a prime example of just why proper phrasing is so important when you’re expressing your personal cray-cray online o those you wish to impress with your sage observations:

Is anyone else a tad bit confused here? Does a vaccine exist that independently, and of its own accord, seeks out communists to kill as if it were John Wick, or, does it only kill communists when given as a shot? I have so many questions regarding this, let me tell you, Nevertheless, I tend to think that either way, Walter would find either scenario pleasing, being the patriotic American he assumes himself to be, but his warning to the unnamed “they”, tells me different.

Like Cykala, Walter is also a past graduate of the Artbitch scratching post master class, and much as I said about Ken, I’m kind of glad to see him expand his horizons past his normal cesspool of anti-LGBTQ slurs, rants about socialism, and his paranoiac concern that one day in the near future, illegal aliens are going to kick him down his basement stairs, and lock him away with nothing but a rubber ball and a copy of True Grit on VHS, to keep him entertained.

Perceptibly, that last part is an obvious joke, as it’s fairly clear from Walter’s past statements as well as this one, that if he can’t figure out how to open a science book to understand how vaccines actually work, the odds are also pretty good that he doesn’t probably know how to use a VCR, either. In regards to his cryptic warning to the agents of “they”, all I will say is this: “I” would love to see “you” break out “your” camo and ammo to take on a heavily armed force that out-guns, out-thinks, and outnumbers you.

As far as the last stands of the desperately dense go, I’m sure that when Walter’s eventual failure based on nothing save unfounded delusion is recalled for future generations, and that, most likely through the art of interpretative dance, it will be treated with the same respect accorded to capitol rioter Ashli Babbit, when she unsuccessfully tried to deflect a cop’s bullet, using only her Chinese-made Trump hat.

The collective fantasy that conservatives have as being either heroic heralds of the Truth, or as protectors of the sacred realm are on one level, adorable, and on another, quite terrifying, given their consistent detachment from both reality, if not sanity. As I noted earlier, conservatives live in an “ever-increasingly fearful” world of their own making, where “everything is connected, everything is subversive, and there’s no such thing as an improbable conspiracy”.

In addition, it’s also a world that not uncoincidentally, is purposefully devoid of facts:

Oh look… it’s a laundry list of blanket statements, with absolutely no proof of concept to back it up. I didn’t see that coming at all, did you? Seriously. How could I ever manage to defeat or hope to counter such a devastatingly intellectual argument whose entire premise is seemingly based on the grade-school taunt of “I know you are, but what am I?” I humbly submit, that we use the one thing that conservatives fear more than Superman fears a Kryptonite condom, that being facts, based on quantifiable evidence.

Starting us off, let’s call attention to the fact that the woman represented within the meme, looks like a 40’s pin-up sex doll, which to be fair, is allegedly what most conservative men want in a life partner: pretty, vapid-looking, and with a mouth where things of all shapes and sizes are allowed to go in without question, minus the hassle of independent thoughts tumbling out.

While its banner states that, “Liberalism is all about Control!”, I’d like to remind all who read this, that this declaration comes direct the party that had zero issue with Trump saying; “I have an Article II, where I have to the right to do whatever I want as president”, which other than being patently untrue, is as close to embracing the abomination of fascist rule as this country has ever gotten. In relation to the rest of this deflection presented as austere political commentary, I’ll individually address the hypocrisy of its various talking points, as we go down the list.

“CONTROL YOUR HEALTHCARE”

This warning brought to you, by the very same people demanding that women carry the baby of their rapist, as they attempt to deny them their lawful right to direct their own body autonomy, but I digress.

“CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN SAY”

This chilling portent, courtesy of the political party that authored the “Don’t say Gay” bill in Florida, and is endeavoring to do the same in several other states, but please… tell us more.

“CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN LEARN”

The exclusion of Critical Race Theory, LGBTQ studies, non-Christian faiths, and African-American history by conservative school districts, ring a bell with anyone?

CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN READ”

This message of “Reading is Fundamental”, courtesy of the political party banning books from school libraries, that is, when they’re not using them as kindling for bonfires.

“CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN EAT”

Ok, I get it- Vegans are annoying as f**k, but it’s still the Republicans who think raising the arsenic levels in our water is an ok thing to get behind.

“CONTROL YOUR GUNS”

Um, you do know that’s already in the Constitution, right? Or did you forget the part where it says “well-regulated”? I swear, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson can’t even look at you right now, as you just ignored some of his best work.

“CONTROL YOUR NEWS”

What was it your mango-tinted Mussolini once tweeted? Oh, yes: “With all of the Fake News coming out of NBC and the Networks, at what point is it appropriate to challenge their License? Bad for country!”

I tell you, nobody waxes poetic petulance, any better than this poster child for the candy-assed does, and you can quote me on that. He clarified this tweet into an attempt at adulting sometime later, by reiterating that: “Network news has become so partisan, distorted and fake that licenses must be challenged and, if appropriate, revoked. Not fair to public!”

This of course, only applied to those networks who weren’t kissing his Depends-covered ass, but I’m sure their exclusion was just a coincidence, and not due to their groveling favoritism. Yup. The party so defensive of Free Speech, that they turned a blind eye when their president said, and I quote; “It is frankly disgusting the press is able to write whatever it wants to write”, are certainly the most qualified demographic, whereas making sure that the American people have unencumbered access to the Truth is concerned.

Altruistically, they’ve gone the extra mile for their fellow citizens, by starting up truly unbiased networks, just so we can hear the latest not cherry-picked at all news about how everyone we know, and will ever meet, are nothing less than Satan-worshiping pedophiles, who stole the election right out of Donald Trump’s freakishly small hands. Once again, I’m obviously kidding, as Satan would never hang out with pedophiles, much less conservatives, but then again, I repeat myself.

The concept of the endless battle between Satan and his former employer God, has long served as weaponized propaganda for conservatives, as they’ve tried *and failed) to establish themselves as the sole arbitrators of all that is moral despite their inherent hypocrisy, but now, they’ve taken their high horse on the road, and applied their penchant for spiritual disingenuousness, to of all things, the issue of public health:

Yes, you did read that right. Science, which brought us not only space travel, the promise of solar energy, global communication, pest-resistant crops, the Internet, indoor plumbing, electrical infrastructure, and most importantly, chocolate-covered Twinkies, is now considered “Demonic” by persons who openly believe in Angels and Ghosts, but not the practical benefits of Virology.

Now, I could easily point out to Cykala the evidence contained within the Bible, specifically Matthew 9:12 (KJV), which says; “But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick”, as evidence that God was pretty cool with the world of medicine and its practitioners,, but why do that, when it’s clearly apparent that he’s never cracked open the copy he claims to be inspired by, and wouldn’t understand if he did?

Amusingly, Cykala seemingly has no comprehension of optics when it comes to certain posts of his, a fact that I’ve made light of in earlier screeds that detail some of his more asinine takes in regards to politics, social issues, and American culture, but this one still qualifies far and beyond, as one of my all-time favorites:  

For those of you who may be fans of the “Harry Potter” movie franchise, the term “pureblood is familiar, as it refers to an individual or family whose lineage contains non-magical blood.

Although the term ‘pureblood” does not appear in any of the books, being substituted with the less complementary designation of “Muggle” instead. However, it is prevalent within the films themselves, but I’m sure that’s not what Ken was actually referring to, as a series of books that presents diversity and tolerance, doesn’t strike me as his bag, given his past history of online bigotry,

No, the true inference here for Ken and others of hs ilk within the moronic mass that is the anti-vaxx movement, likens being inoculated to an act of bioterrorism, wherein their previously “pure” blood is tainted beyond all restorative redemption. In that sense, it’s just like their so-called souls, except in this case, the degradation only applies to their intellect.

Regardless, the act of claiming that one possesses the purest of blood, is nothing new, nor is it that far removed from the current day, either. In fact, if we look back just a mere eight decades ago, there was another large political party, akin to today’s conservative movement, that shared many of the same values: national pride, slavish faith in an authoritarian demagogue, hypocritical self-righteousness, and obsessively fearful regarding cultures and persons that they felt were inferior to them.

And all of this, was personified in the carefully crafted visage of a strong, charismatically dynamic leader, who led his country to the heights of glory, before eventually dropping it into a hellish pit, ironically filled with the pureblood of his people. Now, I know you think I’m going to draw a parallel here between Trump and whoever this guy was, but I’m not, as it would be patently unfair.

One of them by all accounts, was a steadfast former soldier wounded in battle, who then went on to lift his country out of the ashes of a humiliating defeat, only to start the cycle anew, after (thankfully) failing in his sociopathic attempt to eradicate the Jewish people off the face of the earth. And the other, is a draft-dodging craven adulterer, who wishes he had been half as authoritarian as his fascist counterpart once was.

GOP strategist Steve Schmidt, once noted that; Trump’s “only affinity for reading anything were the Adolf Hitler speeches he kept on his nightstand”, and whether the GQP wants to admit or not, at this point, if their base started walking around modeling the uniform of the Einsatzgruppen, nobody would bat an eye, and Tucker Carlson would most likely, compliment them for their bold sense of fashion.

Think I’m being a tad bit hyperbolic? Well, let’s take a gander at this heroic portrayal of Donald Trump wherein right off the bat, it sets the tone that not only is this is a man of determined action and noble integrity, he’s truly representational of our American values, as well:What poise. What class, What strength of character. What a steaming pile of propaganda f**kery this is, and I meant that with respect. Other than possessing a physique that even the finest plastic surgeons in the world couldn’t hope to sculpt, the rolling-up of his sleeves suggesting that he’s more tha willing to get his hands dirty as he does the work required to make us “Great” again, is literally the best part of this unintentional punchline presented as partisan theatre.

Seriously. Does anyone outside of his mewling MAGAts mob, truly have confidence in his capacity for efficaciously undertaking manual labor?  Keep in mind, this is a man who had no less than 20+ fireplaces that he could have accessed to dispose of those documents that he didn’t want brought to light, but as an alternative, he formulated the command decision that ripping them up, and flushing them down the toilet instead, was the way to go.

When Trump’s wet dream is compared to this vintage political poster, centering on the strongman whose speechifying Trump allegedly admires so much, you’ll note that he in a very similar fashion, also knows how to use the symbolism of a flag as a rallying point, which is why Trump decided to try and cosplay him for real:

Man, the role models these people choose to emulate and philosophically align themselves with, huh? It’s almost enough to give one a moment of serious pause in regards to the contemplation of the celestial creators alleged master plan. Speaking of mythical gods, does anybody else find it strange, that despite supposedly having Jesus on their side, conservatives have an almost pathological need to amplify their straw strongmen as the ultimate last word in Ubermensch?

This paradox aside, I’d like to point out that while it’s relatively easy to equate the bad guys from “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, to today’s GQP, there are some key differences to be sure, as you’d expect. The ungodly atrocities of the NAZI regime in relation to its doctors performing abominable medical experiments upon the unwilling, the infirm, and the imprisoned, directly led to the formulation of the Nuremberg Code in August of 1947, as a consequential warning that hopefully, will never require enaction.

Despite their prominence, conservatives somehow missed its intent during the high school History class discussion they slept through, and are now (ironically) mutilating the Code into what it was never intended to be, in order to rationalize their demonization of modern-day vaccines.

And as you’ve come to expect, there’s a meme (or two) for that:

Boy, sucks to be this person. But the question of why this post was labeled false must be asked, if only to settle my own curiosity, and fortunately, Facebook does tell us why this assertion found itself tagged:

As a public service for those of you unfamiliar with the intended purpose of the Code in relation to the practice of sound medical ethics, it dictates ten key factors in regards to medical experimentation involving human test subjects, and they are as follows:

(1) The voluntary consent of the subject is unconditionally essential.

(2) The end goal of the experiment should be undertaken for the good of society, and only if the desired benefit is unprocurable by other methods, and its implementation must not be random, or unnecessary in nature.

(3) The experiment should be based on the results of prior animal experimentation and knowledge of the issue under study, so that the projected outcome will justify the necessity of said experiment.(4) The experiment should be composed in a manner designed to avoid all unnecessary injuries, be they physical or psychological.

(5) No experiment should be conducted where there is an expectation that be death or disabling injury will transpire, save for those experiments where the physicians involved willingly serve as subjects themselves.

(6) The degree of risk to be taken should never exceed that determined by the humanitarian importance of the problem to be solved by the experiment.

 (7) Proper preparations should be made and adequate facilities provided, to shield the investigational subject against even remote possibilities of injury, disability, or death.

(8) The experiment should be conducted only by scientifically qualified persons, imparting a high degree of both aptitude and care. throughout all stages of the experiment.

(9) Regardless of the stage of said experiment, the subject retains the right to end their participation if they have reached their physical or mental limit.

(10) It is imperative that if at any point, the scientist in charge comes to believe that continuing with the experiment may imminently result in the injury or death of the test subject, they must in good faith, be prepared to terminate the experiment.

Seems pretty cut and dried, does it not?

And no matter how you wish to interpret these standards, nowhere within, does any of it apply to vaccines, or the act of vaccination, both of which require VOLUNTARY participation. Despite the fear-mongering bonfires being currently stoked by the GQP, no one in America at least, is being forced against their will to be vaccinated. If your job demands that you get vaccinated for the collective safety of your co-workers or clients or face dismissal, you can still quit, and walk away.

That’s not “being forced”, that’s just Capitalism in action. If my memory serves me correctly, conservatives have a saying that they’re quite fond of condescending tossing out whenever they hear an overworked and underappreciated employee, complaining about wanting either a living wage or improved workplace conditions; “You can always get another job”. In retrospect, that’s a valid point, So maybe, just maybe, they should follow their own unsolicited advice for once, get that new job, and then just shut the f**k up, so the rest of us can have a blissful moment of peace and whining-free quiet.

That’s a nice thought, isn’t it? To go one full day, heck, one full hour, without hearing the ill-informed babbling of some YouTube Constitutional scholar condescendingly telling us all about what the clearly defined statutes intended to say, versus what they actually do? Case in point, this declaration warning Police, Schools, or “any” Governmental / Health entity that coerced or forced vaccinations violate the Code, and therefore, are liable to being prosecuted as “War Crimes”:

This is both hilariously wrong, and metaphorically correct. While forcing someone against their will to undergo a medical regimen is indeed, a violation of their Human Rights, no one in America has been subjected to any such action in regards to vaccinations, and never will be. In addition, in order for anyone to be prosecuted for violations of the Code, regardless of whether t’s an individual or a collective, there must be an actual war occurring at the time that the violations took place.

For clarity’s sake, let me just call attention to the reality that just because Conservatives regard everything they don’t understand or appreciate as a war of some sort, it still doesn’t make it so. Vaccinations are voluntary, and being dismissed from a job because you’re scientifically ignorant and/or selfish, doesn’t violate the Code on any level, save for the one that is implied in regards to your interactions with Humanity.

To wit; Police enforce the laws, and have qualified immunity for doing so. in most states. Schools do not vaccinate as part of their chartered duties either, but considering how conservatives regard teachers as everything from pedophiles to radical Leftists intent on radicalizing their children by teaching them science and cultural respect, it’s not that hard to see how that f**ked up idea found itself a comfortable home inside that vacuous void between their ears.

And when it comes to governmental or public health-related agencies, I for one, have never been witness to agents of either, snatching people off of the street and sticking a needle in their arms, but maybe that’s just the nanobots that the CIA slipped into my Apple Jacks this morning, talking.

An interesting question does arise though from reading May’s declarative threat, and it is this: when at the urging of then-President Donald Trump, heavily armed federal law enforcement officers dressed in military-style camouflage, forced protestors in Portland into unmarked vans, without first either identifying themselves or explaining why these persons were being detained, did she ever post anything about that?

Of course not, because if there’s one thing that conservatives truly love, it’s hypocrisy, so long as it’s not their own being called out, that is. So, until such time I hear of a vaccination-related grab and stab, May is more than cordially invited to go and finish that tin-foil-based fashion line she’s been working on since late 2016.

Most certainly, there is more than enough going on in the world today for a perpetual sense of fear to be justified, but it always seems that Conservatives pick the wrong things to be obsessively trepidant over as consistently as I choose the perfect loaf of French bread at Albertsons. Don’t laugh. My bread selection game is strong.

This state of mind that Conservatives wallow in 24/7, is nothing new, and the inclusion of vaccines as a threat to all they cherish, is no more than the latest bogeyman they’ve recently fallen in lust with. As a person who’s spent most of his adult life watching the GQP vacillate between playing both aggressive victimizer and undeserved victim, none of this vindictive vitriol shocks me any longer

But it is a refreshing change of pace, to see them adding new nemeses.to a classic gambit, wherein they deal from the bottom of the deck, shifting responsibility for the carnage they cause due to their ignorant selfishness, onto those others who are doing everything they can, to save these jackasses from no less than themselves. But that’s their special skillset- when in doubt, just subcontract the blame out:

Yup. If there’s any better person to talk about the injustice of “Vaxed Privilege“, (whatever the f**k that is) adversely affecting the GQP’s base of mayonnaise messiahs, it’s most definitely our resident Captain of the Vanilla Vanguard and perpetual poster boy for White Aryan Privilege, Mr. Ken Cykala.

Oddly, while Cykala has expressed grave concerns in the past about the damage African-Americans do when they’re allowed to think that they have the same constitutional rights as him, he sees no issue whatsoever with freely allowing possibly infected people to risk making his fellow Americans sick, if it gets in the way of acquiring their daily dose of curly fries at Chick-fil-A.

Well, not all Americans of course. Just the ones who are slightly darker than him, and who aren’t regulars at one of his lit-by-torches book club meetings that for some reason, are usually held on a stranger’s front lawn at three o’clock in the morning.

I’m kidding, I’m kidding. None of us, even for a second, would ever seriously believe that this bloviating bigot can actually read, much less be entrusted to oversee an open flame, regardless of whether it’s a cookout, or a “get out of our neighborhood” soiree.

All jokes based on credible evidence provided by Cykala himself aside, let’s remember who Cykala really is in my opinion, shall we? A pathetically paranoid shell of a human being, who, with no due respect, sees false-flag operations everywhere he looks, and treats the truth of things very much in the same way that Tommy Wiseau treats film-making, as this delusional posting of his easily proves:

Absurd, isn’t it, how Cykala truly believes, that the very same Government who can’t win the “War” on education, poverty, drugs, and if you trust FOX news, Christmas- somehow would be able to pull this fascist action off without so much as a hiccup?

 But then again, since he also puts full stock in the fictions that the 2020 election was “stolen”, that the pandemic was a scam ,and that African-Americans murder Whites at a rate of, [and I swear to God he once posted this] 81%, maybe I should cut him some slack for his stereotypical display of dumbf**kery..

I know I’ve made a lot of jokes regarding the depth of Cykala’s density in the past, but as time goes on, I’m starting to become more confident in my belief that if it ever were requested of him to undergo a blood test, he’d probably ask for the time off to study for it. Fortunately for Cykala though, he won’t be alone in regards to his continuing effort to willingly humiliate himself online, as travel buddies seemingly abound within the asylum that is the Conservative universe:

We’ve all heard the phrase that “Misery loves company, but I always assumed it was referring to the social status of the clinically depressed, rather than the intellect of the wretchedly paranoid. After all, it’s one thing to label a company “woke”, due to the fact that it seems to care not only about the planet, but the people living on it as well, but to apply that same cynicism to a non-sentient convenience of modern society, is quite literally, nothing short of insane.

Granted, while this is a classic example of Conservative distrust thinly masquerading as political commentary, it is most definitely on brand for someone who deep down, considers this dystopian outcome a definitive certainty in the near future. For the record, private companies such as Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, and YouTube are not subject to the First Amendment, and never have been, nor will they ever be.

So, f**k your feelings, and get over it, you candy-assed pu**ies.

As you might expect the conservative movement tends to ignore this fact, yet still carries their false cause banner as if it didn’t exist. In their incredibly insular world, all roads lead to cabals, all persons are suspect, and nothing, including formerly loyal household appliances, can be trusted with any degree of certitude:

At first glance, the one thing that jumped out at me, other than the sheer absurdity of this metaphorical scenario that is, was the assertion that the supposed anti-gay slur isn’t the problem, it’s the apparently woke fridge’s logical reaction to it. I can’t believe that I even have to say this, but if an otherwise inanimate ice-box thinks you’re homophobic to the point where it reveals its societal sensitivity, odds are pretty good that you are indeed, on some level, a truly terrible person.

Obviously, I’m well aware that this posting was intended to be interpreted as nothing more than a joke, lame as it is, as no rational person would ever place any stock in it. However, as we’ve seen throughout this screed, the applicational use of rational thought to a conservative, is akin to the self-control I wouldn’t show if I ever found myself locked inside the factory that produces Ding Dongs and Sno-balls.

I once openly asked the allegorical question of just where these morons came from, hoping that some external force could be blamed for their collective devotion to the lowest depths of abominable ignorance and inhumanity, but unfortunately, I eventually had to make peace with the terrifying fact that the call was coming from inside the metaphorical house, and any hope of being rescued by the babysitter, was gone.

in the movies, the evil within usually finds itself vanquished by the utilization of fire, bullets, magical incantations, holy water, or the intervention of my personal favorite, lazy-ass writing, but eventually Good prevails. Well, until the inevitable sequels arrive, keeping in mind that the “Friday the 13th” franchise has made 13 follow-ups to the original story of a mask-wielding psycho hacking up camp counselors as if he were a chef at Benihana’s, and in a plot twist no one could have predicted, one of them takes place in outer space.  

And no, I’m not making that up.

Freaking. Outer. Space. And what is the story about?  Well…it centers on our favorite summer camp malcontent Jason, who after having been cryogenically frozen for 445 years, is discovered by a group of students who (naturally) take him into space, where he thaws out, and immediately picks up the threads of his former career, by stalking and killing the crew of the spaceship that were nice enough to offer him a trip that currently, would bankrupt you and I.

Did I mention by the way, that all of this takes place in the year 2455, and as a story, it’s still a far more cohesively plausible than half the stuff that these failed lobotomy candidates can come up with? Welcome to modern-day America my friends, and experience its new normal, where fantastical delusion gets accorded the airtime equality of concrete reality.

And we have no one to blame for this current miasma of mental acuity, but ourselves. Why, you ask? Because of some collectively held and wholly misguided principle that every voice needs to be heard.

Let me clarify that statement, if I may. While everyone has the right to say whatever they want, that doesn’t give them the licensed authority to knowingly inflict pain upon the innocent, as conservatives are apt to do. Just as how actions have consequences when they cross an ethical line, the essence of Free Speech does as well, a factor of risk that as a writer, I challenge almost every time I write a new piece.

Irrespective of whomever was standing on the allegorical soapbox, be it friend or foe, I would be the first one to step up and defend their right to use it, but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t also be the first one in line to savagely mock=k whatever it is they’re saying, either. That’s the price of truly Free Speech, and it applies to everyone, regardless of their financial status or social influence.

If anyone I’ve ever mentioned within these literary diversions of mine ever decides to read what I’ve assessed about them, currently or in the future, the odds are fairly slim that anything that I’ve said will cause them to have a moment of self-reflection, and that’s fine. In fact, its been my experience that it only galvanizes them to become even more extreme, if anything, and that’s ok too, as they’re not the ones I’m trying to reach with my pixilated presentations.

No, the ones I’m trying to enlighten in my own snarktastic way, are the ones straddling the fence, who are contemplating what side to pick. As with most things, there’s pros and cons to both, but speaking for myself, I prefer to be on the side that at it’s worst, receives the descriptive of “means well” when their actions are enunciated to others outside of the tribe.

Let us not forget for one second, whether it be borne of convenience or charity, that these people are PROUD to be hateful, ignorant, slavish disciples of a political movement that considers kindness a weakness, and diversity, a credible threat. Keep in mind, none of the postings that I share come from fake profile mining, nor any other form of subterfuge- these individuals wear their hate with pride, mask their fear with anger, and claim that their beliefs of what should be Trump [pun intended] what is.

Nearly eighteen years ago, I started writing my screeds on a social media platform known as MySpace, and at last count, the archive of what I’ve written thus far, wherein I’ve covered topics ranging from Art to Pop Culture, to Politics, has resulted in 160 stand-alone pieces, totaling in a word count that back in 2017, was the equivalent of my having written five full length novels. Damn, I really am a chatterbox.

However, I don’t do this for money. I don’t do it for the infamy that inevitably comes with each new take on life as I see it, although that part is fun at times, I do it because I can, and I do it because I must. And between you and me, I’m just getting warmed up.

Time to end this discussion for now, I think. But before I go, I’d like to give you a taste of what will be coming up next, as I continue my spelunking in the caverns of the conservative cravens who cry foul every time they’re held to account:For the life of me, I cannot fathom just exactly we think these people are a gaggle of inbred, racist, Islamophobic, uneducated dipsticks, can you? A mystery for the ages, I guess, one which I will do my best to try and solve, come the next magnum opus. Until then, I leave you with this piece of writing advice that I try to follow as religiously as possible, courtesy of the late and great, Kurt Vonnegut, who advised;

“Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.”

In closing, I do hope that I’ve made you and the cockroaches happy.

“The main thing that I learned about conspiracy theory, is that conspiracy theorists believe in a conspiracy because that is more comforting. The truth of the world is that it is actually chaotic. The truth is that it is not The Illuminati, or The Jewish Banking Conspiracy, or the Gray Alien Theory. The truth is far more frightening – Nobody is in control. The world is rudderless.” -Alan Moore

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


The Kook of Ruth Pt.3 (Sugar & Slice)

“Oh Lestat, you deserved everything that’s ever happened to you. You better not die. You might actually go to hell.” – Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat

Salutations, Bitchiteers!

How in the H-E-double hockey sticks, are you?  I for one, am middling along, doing what I do, and enjoying almost every minute of it, whenever it’s possible to do so. In other words, a fairly typical afternoon interlude for yours truly, despite my suffering as of late, some unwarranted, if not unwanted, personal stressors.

First up on the giant hot-plate of harried tranquility, is the lamentable passing of my GF’s father, “Bud”, at 93 years of age, and in tandem, all of the minutiae that comes with such tragedy, such as the overseeing of estate dispensation, the planning of a memorial, as well as tackling the multiple legalities involved when one departs the mortal coil., While we’re obviously engaged in the opening act of such, it’s proving to be quite challenging on many separate levels, as only one who has been through the process, can imagine.

In time, all will be settled, but at the present moment, I’d analogize the ever-developing situation at hand as a razor-studded puppy, that just wants you to tightly hug it, as it jumps in your lap, and shreds your face with its spike-laden tongue. Until someone close to you dies, you’ll never know just how complicated the concept of one’s after-death can turn out to be. And as is the stereotypical pattern involving both grief and reticent responsibilities, the way forward is never as clear as one wants it to be.

The next snag in my attempt to finally develop a sense of truly internal and serene Zen, is the fact that it appears my supposedly a few years down the road metaphorical surgical procedure for cataracts, has decided not only to book its room early, and in doing so, thought that bussing in all its sorority brothers from college, to liven the party up, was a good idea too. Unfortunately, after several injections into my left eye to forcibly evict an unwanted buildup of excess fluid, the time has come for the next step, that being the wonderful world of outpatient surgery.,

At this time, I’m not entirely sure when this is going to take place, but hopefully it’ll be sooner than later, and if all goes well, it might hopefully improve (somewhat) the ongoing issues related to the degradation of my vision. An additional upside is the fact that the injections do seem to have had an effect for the better, but I’m still anxious nonetheless, as I find myself contemplating what could happen, if all does not go according to the less than divine plan.

Let me be honest here for a brief moment, if I may- even if I managed to pull off one of the best Helen Keller cosplays ever, I still can’t pull off the sunglasses at night look that Stevie Wonder nailed so successfully decades ago, either. And as for that whole having to rely on using a white cane thing to get around?  I refuse to own, or even openly utilize, any accessory that clashes so horribly with my summer wardrobe, so there is that to consider, regardless of what anyone may say.At a second glance however, no pun intended, maybe I’m being somewhat overly harsh here, as with the right marketing, I’m fairly confident that I could probably rock this look, provided that my suit is tailored and that my main squeeze is a Latina pop-star. The downside however, as it was made clear to me repeatedly, if not directly, that said procedure would not, and I quote; “Give you or anyone else for that matter, x-ray, laser, or the radar vision possessed by Daredevil”, which I feel quite honestly, is sort of a supreme letdown, given my particular circumstances.

My wish for much-desired superpowers aside, I’m hopefully anxious as to what the eventual outcomes of the dual procedures will be, but as the saying goes; “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength”, so as is my way, I’m dealing with it tin the only way I know how, by making jokes and attempting to pretend I’m not concerned at all. So far, it’s working like a charm, because when it comes to drafting convoluted delusions of specifically personal grandeur, I may as well be Zaha Hadid.

Google her. Her work is fantastic, and unlike Frank Lloyd Wright’s, it’s designed around the concept of actual people using it. Yeah, I said it. His work is far more pretty than functional, and I say this as someone who once spent three days shooting a series of parties for the exceedingly pretentious Taliesin West alumni. Their collective work may be derivative as f**k, but at least their check cleared without issue, and that’s al  that mattered in the end.

Speaking of pretentiousness, today’s screed is a continuance of the saga regarding a self-righteous cafeteria Christian, who, despite her penchant of self-generating tall tales that nobody wants to either hear or believe, fancies herself as an ever-victorious Daughter of God, while simultaneously dealing the victim of cruel fate card from the bottom of the proverbial martyr deck, as if she were Lando Calrissian in a particularly contentious game of Sabacc.

Granted, while Seawolf’s ability to go full Moebius strip with what actual truth is quite impressive, I feel that yet again, I must give credit to for her ability to distill the purest of drama from the essence of literally nothing, and, while I do truly appreciate the riches for mockery that she provides so willingly if not obsessively, it also doesn’t mean that I’m going to give her a pass in regards to it, either.

Think of it as the ultimate win-win for the both of us- I get to have some fun at her expense, she gets to witness her absurdly insane takes get disseminated to the curious at large, and in the end, everyone save her of course, gets the sense of comfort that comes with knowing deep down, that regardless of whatever measure of personal stupidity that they may possess, it, at the very least, cannot even begin to best hers.

To add this judgement to the Jenga tower that I’ve assembled so far, I’ll present yet another public declaration from the kook that is Ruth, and in doing so, reiterate once more what happens when you believe in angels and talking snakes, yet truly think that established science was deliberately crafted by a disgruntled ex-employee of the world’s largest Ponzi scheme, in order to lead you astray:I say to you now, and this with all supreme confidence, that if the properties of magnetism could be applied to Seawolf’s inherent sense of witlessness, the end result would be her finding herself being unable to walk past the open doors of a Home Depot without looking as if she were modeling for its nut and bolt aisle, but I digress.

However, I will also admit, that I may be a tad bit jealous here, in regards to this unintentional superpower of hers. Imagine being able to walk around with this much self-righteous stupid just oozing out of your pores. and yet somehow, still manage to not accidentally kill yourself while making toast. And on a daily basis, no less. It’s been said that mythical God protects drunks and children, but I never knew that umbrella of defense extended to those with the Faith of a child, and the intellect of a perpetually-soused career alcoholic.

I seriously love the arrogance displayed here, as it’s the essence of who Ruth is, and of the idiocy she serves as an inadvertent spokesperson for, For the better part of the last two years, Seawolf has openly expressed anti-masking, anti-vaxx, anti-public mandate views, despite allegedly becoming ill with the disease itself, but she also feels that those who’ve turned their back on preventative measures shouldn’t be held to any degree of social contempt if they wind up getting sick, due to their own abject density?

In regards to this asinine take of hers, all I can say is this:

Whenever I see one of these unaccredited “Reposted from” pieces of propagandist nut-fodder being respectfully disseminated as if it were from a sage up on high, I already know that I’m about to enter a world of alternative facts at best, and a dystopian view of reality, at worst. And regardless of which situational aspect that you find yourself waking among, Seawolf’s hypocrisy will most certainly be the binding agent twixt the two.

After all, as a self-professed Christian, Ruth may bear reasonably valid offense at what I can only assume is what she sees as a repudiation of Proverbs 3:2, that being noted as: “Don’t withhold good from someone who deserves it, when it is in your power to do so.”, but if this is true, shouldn’t she also be equally applying her God’s edict expressed in Philippians 2:4, which clearly demands that; “Instead of each person watching out for their own good, watch out for what is better for others.”, as well?

I only say this of course, because as a supposedly ardent disciple of Jesus, she should have been doing so without question for quite some time now, but when you’re a reputed cafeteria Christian as Seawolf appears to be, follow-through, most likely, isn’t going to be your strong suit.

But as noted oft-time before, the one area where Seawolf truly shines, is in how she places the blame for other people’s ignorant decisions, squarely on the shoulders of those who suffer the most for their being made, that being the dedicated medical professionals who have been forced to watch the cascade of easily preventable deaths, that have been laid out before them over the last two years. If you didn’t trust the science then, I see no reason as to why you should be allowed to demand the advantage of it now, if I may be so brusque.

As for her “examples” unrelated to the issue at hand regarding the bad personal decisions of strangers, and that she feels shouldn’t exclude others from the commonality of the social circle, let’s recall this tidbit that I referenced two blogs back, wherein Ruth displays her Christian concern for those afflicted by the curse of addiction.For the record, nobody (save for the voices in Ruth’s head, that is) was referring to [correct spelling] “murderers”, drug addicts, or thugs who threatened pregnant women as “heroes”, but such minutiae is irrelevant, when it’s already been made obvious that if Seawolf were in charge of dispensing medical preference for treatment, she’d drop said dregs of society, faster than she would drop acting on the advice she so churlishly metes out to others.

And speaking as a 20+ year victim of diabetes, I take slight personal offense at the implication expressed by this woman who looks as if she was formed out of raw cookie dough and bargain hair spray, suggesting that Diabetes is caused by dietary regimen alone, as the exact cause remains unknown. What is acknowledged however is that your immune system, starts attacking and eventually destroys, insulin-producing cells in the pancreas. So, for her to present such ignorance yet again as factual within the context of a so-called talking point, rubs me the wrong way, somewhat.

Adding further insult to injury, Seawolf then goes on to question the adherence to the oath medical practitioners set as their ethical cornerstone, in deference to lauding undeserved sympathy upon those who unarguably, have purposefully abused its noble charter since the onslaught of the pandemic arrived, in order to play both ends against the middle.

Keep in mind that according to her own postings, Seawolf herself, as well as her immediate family, may have allegedly suffered from a rather severe bout with COVID, and despite this, still demands that we as a society, along with its overworked caregivers, just allow these idiots willfully spreading both this plague and the disinformation regarding it, the benefits of charitable grace?

Well, when it comes right down to the act of doing so, all I can say is…

I appreciate more than you can imagine, the absurdly uninformed manner in which Seawolf also takes unwarranted umbrage to those shunning common sense protocols being correctly deemed as ignorant, yet somehow misses the non-subtle hypocrisy of the very same, beseeching those that they’ve slandered for months as the true enemies of personal freedom, to arrive in the nick of time as much desired saviors.

Seawolf’s duplicity regarding her personal act of Orwellian doublethink though, shouldn’t really come as a shock though, since after all, she’s also the same spiritual simpleton who after close to two years of praying to her man-made Sky-daddy to protect both her and the ones she claims to love, from the ravages of COVID, slavishly thanked “Him” for releasing her from its torment,, after his display of stunn9ng incompetence wherein he failed to keep her free from it.

Nope… nothing mentally unsound to unpack there, my readers. Nothing at all.

But as has been established within the last few pieces I’ve written about her, Seawolf is at least consistent in her disingenuous inanity, regardless of what the topic being discussed at the time is, and mythical God, I do so love her for it.

In the past, Seawolf has stated that the abominable events that occurred in our nation’s Capitol on January Sixth, were indeed, not the fault of her fellow Trumptards, but were instead, the end result of insidious machinations by outside agitators, despite not possessing one shred of credible evidence to support this widely debunked claim, as has always been the case whereas the majority of her stereotypically insane beliefs are concerned.

But don’t let me sway you with my silver-fingered typing, just peruse this posting of hers and determine if I’m correct in regards to my acidic assessment for yourself:

I have no definitive proof of this, but somewhere out there, residing within the anaerobic lagoon that is the World Wide Web, sits the craftsperson in charge of constructing unhinged conspiracy theories for morons such as Ruth, and who most certainly, wakes up every day thanking Fate for not only her unshakeable faith in the bulls**t that they create, but also the manner in which she fellates Trump’s boots, that being, with the enthusiasm of a Catholic priest who’s been left unsupervised at a Boy Scout Jamboree.

And no, I won’t apologize for making that comparison, for when a supposed grown-ass woman, who could be easily assisted in her quest for knowledge by the use of unfettered access to proven data,  but instead, decides to eschew all of that to disseminate the illogical lunacy of a personality cult, I see no need to pull my metaphorical punches, now, or in the eventually to be experienced future.

I can handle the small variances inherent within the boundary of legitimate opinion, for variety is the spice of life, but that maxim depends on the variable that the allegorical spice in question, is akin to Basil, not Bats**t. Thus far, Seawolf has posted a diversity of mentally challenged and evidence free assertions, ranging from the lies regarding non-existent election fraud, to my personal favorite, the spiritually blind naivete that “God” is in charge of everything, and doing one heck of a job running the known universe, despite all indications to the contrary.

The vapidly ridiculous concept of an ever-present God being in control, was vehemently dissected by the British actor and comedian Stephen Fry, who during a 2016 appearance on an Irish Tv show hosted by Gay Bryne, responded with the following when asked by Byrne what he might say to God, if he found himself before the gates of heaven:     

SF: “I will basically (it’s known as theodicy, I think) I’ll say, “Bone cancer in children? What’s that about? How dare you! How dare you create a world where there is such misery that is not our fault! It’s not right. It is utterly, utterly evil. Why should I respect a capricious, mean-minded, stupid god who creates a world that is so full of injustice and pain? That’s what I’d say. “

Byrne: “And you think you’re going to get in?”

SF: “Oh, but I wouldn’t want to. I wouldn’t want to get in on his terms. They’re wrong. Now, if I died and it was Pluto, Hades and if it were the twelve Greek gods, then I’d have more truck with it because the Greeks didn’t pretend not to be human in their appetites, and in their capriciousness and their unreasonableness; they didn’t present themselves as being all-seeing, all-wise, all-kind, all-munificent; because the god who created this universe (if it was created by God) is, quite clearly, a maniac – utter maniac, totally selfish.

We have to spend our life on our knees thanking him? What kind of god would do that? Yes, the world is very splendid, but it also has in it insects whose whole life-cycle is to burrow into the eyes of children and make them blind. They eat outwards from the eyes. Why did you do that? Why? Why did you do that to us? You could easily have made a creation where that didn’t exist. It is simply not acceptable.

So, you know, atheism is not just about not believing there’s a god – but, on the assumption there is one, what kind of god is it? It’s perfectly apparent that he is monstrous, utterly monstrous, and deserves no respect whatsoever. The moment you banish him your life becomes simpler, purer, cleaner – more worth living in my opinion.”

Man… that is a brutal take-down, and it presents as even worse, when you remember that other than being perfectly expressed, it was delivered via an upper-class British accent, to boot. If I was God, I’d want to kill myself after having been subjected to that, but since I’d just rise from the dead three days later, the only positive thing that I’d get out of engaging in such a pointless endeavor, would be some personal downtime at best. 

As my two-time collaborator Arizona-based filmmaker Douglas Proce, once said to me; “Gods are experts at wiping out entire civilizations as part of “their plan.” No one can articulate what that plan is, other than “God” has one. Of course, “God” moves in “mysterious” ways, and – wouldn’t you know it – it’s a SIN to even question “The Plan.” Just obey, and let the “Prophets” tell you how to think. These simpletons have no idea what tyrants they really are.”

Taking into account that Seawolf’s preferred pastor is allegedly no more than a talking-snake oil salesman at his best, and that she willingly ignores the edict expressed in Exodus 20:16 as if it were a group of respected virologists explaining how vaccines work, her insistence on magical thinking should really come as no surprise to anyone, save for the same puritanical panderers that purport a singular devotion to the imagination-based faith that when tested, finds itself betrayed by her contradictory actions.

While I for one, don’t believe in an overseeing Skydaddy outside of the one the US government inflicts itself as, I do have to wonder, that if one did exist, would he, being the petty sociopath that he tends to be, truly appreciate the irony of one of his alleged lambs running around with a mouthful of cherry-picked Scripture, and an icy heart brimming with hypocritical hate?

I think not, but what do I know? As I, unlike Seawolf, don’t require the services of a celestially cast-aside former employee to shoulder my personal foibles, nor do I shirk my culpability when my own actions bring the curs of chaos to my literal doorstep, either. If it’s my fault, I own that fact entirely, and I don’t see the practicality of subcontracting the resultant fallout to the innocent within my view, as Seawolf has seemingly done, for what seems to be most of her alleged to be an adult life.

And just like the other narcissiic prattlers of puerility that Seawolf slavishly worships, the valid criticism directed at her numerous failures as both a person and alleged Christian, are of course, never her fault, be it partially or entirely but are instead, the malicious machinations of select persons who, for some oddly never-named but always broadcast reason, are just envious of her… um… let’s see…

(Artbitch scratches head, stares into the vastness of his inner space for five long minutes, all while humming the theme from “The A-team, and still coming up blank.)

Ok, I don’t know what these said individuals might be jealous of, but something tells me it isn’t going to be based on her intellectual prowess, that’s for damn sure. Fortunately for us however, Seawolf’s very public pulpit of petulance [AKA: Facebook] provides the perfect conduit for her to express this singular view of facing consistently unwarranted persecution, in a way that only a snowflake doused in bargain-brand Max Factor could do- by posting sentiments cribbed off a Hobby Lobby display:

I wasn’t aware that total strangers would ever want histrionic displays of hypocrisy, faux Christian values, and a case of ever-increasing mental illness disguised as religious faith Ruth, but I guess it takes all kinds, am I right? Oh, and the reason why “they” hate on you, my apostle of the divine asinine, is because at your core, you’re an absolute horror-show of a human being. But don’t just take my word for it- Jesus himself, said as much, over brunch last week, right after he bragged about no longer taking your calls.

The varied definitions of the word “Great”, as defined by most common dictionaries, and as they’re applied to Seawolf: “Notably large in size”. Much in the way of how one might describe either her Ego or sense of personal ignorance. “Remarkable in magnitude, degree, or effectiveness” Also true, as Ruth is great at being a perfect example as to why condoms should have been given to her dad as a graduation gift. “A generalized term of approval”. This is true as well, for its gonna be a great day when they finally put Ruth in a room wallpapered with bubble wrap, and throw away the only key.

However, my overall favorite descriptive is this ironic gem; “One who is superior in character or quality.” This of course, only applies if you dare compare Ruth to her factory-made Chinese-equivalent, because even in this, the age of globalized outsourcing, the best alleged idiots such as she, are still manufactured right here in the good ol’ USA.

America. F**k yeah.

After perusing this clueless as hell assessment, I ‘m compelled to quote the late Cad Bane, the infamous former mentor to legendary bounty hunter Boba Fett; “Well if that isn’t the Quacta calling the Stifling slimy”, a position that I’m going to defend, no matter how many times the gathered Sith complain about it.

Not only is this a stunning case of a craven conservative engaging in a classic act of self-owning, the context of its irony, is literally off the scale, to jackboot. Seawolf’s entire raison d’être, as we’ve all seen, is fueled by a near-pathological obsession to not only judge those and the opinions that they may hold, a beneath contempt, but to falsely certify as well, that she had no choice but to do so.

As I noted earlier; Seawolf accepts as the truest of gospel, that the justifiable vitriol she has earned, beyond reproach, is not the debris drawn in by the mental magnetism of her arrogant idiocy, but is instead; “the malicious machinations of select persons who, for some oddly never-named but always broadcast reason, are just envious of her”, which no matter how you look at it, is wretchedly pathetic, even at its best.

Once again Ruth, NOBODY IS JEALOUS OF YO,  REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER THE VOICES IN YOUR VACUOUS HEAD SCREAM AT YOU.. I know this comes as a terrible shock to you, given your gift for supreme unawareness, but keep in mind, I say this as someone who’s spent a good amount of time mocking you incessantly, if only to amuse myself at your expense, which thus far, has worked out brilliantly whereas my sense of Zen is concerned…

To be brutally honest, it’s not that you’re the best or the most interesting gladiator in my pixilated coliseum of conservative cray-cray that I oversee, it’s just that you’re so goddamn insane, you’ve managed to far outpace the others in your spit-for-brains squad in regards to my inherent snarkiness manifesting itself as an ongoing writing project. Think of it as a simple case of the last prat standing, and you’ll understand where I’m coming from, and why you’re such an asset to what I do to expand my metaphorical creative space.

And as for your claim of others being “intimidated” by you? Well, taking into account that you tend to overreact to most situations as if you were Leatherface who’s just been gifted with a brand-new chainsaw and a passkey to a woman’s college sorority, I can understand why that is seemingly the general consensus of most persons in regards to this community of mine that you so continually harass.

I say “mine” because its become fairly obvious that you’re a blight upon it, not a bright spot within it, and when the blessed day finally arrives in which we as a town, metaphorically nail you to a crucifix constructed from your own hubris and cart you off to wherever destination where such a waste of skin and organs should find itself, Silver City itself, can finally enjoy a moment of relief, if not the satisfaction of a long-overdue job well-done.

Sure, I may not be a psychologist by any means, but when it comes to defining the parameters of your mental health, I am quite comfortable in openly declaring that you’re crazier than a late-stage syphilitic, afflicted with mad-cow disease. My sincerest apologies by the way, to both Syphilis and medically-challenged cows, for unlike Ruth, I know it’s really not your fault, and therefore, beyond your control.

With no due respect, the only individual that I see trying to intimidate people in my otherwise tranquil little hamlet via their access to a cabal of flying cafeteria Christian flunkies, is you, my walking example of what happens when a never-opened Bible inbreeds with a rice cake that failed community college… twice.

And no, I am never going to apologize for that comparison, because when we get right down to the three nails, you are perhaps, the worst example of the teachings of Jesus being into practice, since the assembling of the production team that gave us the 80’s Christian-themed hair-metal abomination that was known as Stryper.

On some level, we have only ourselves to blame for these succubae clad in spandex, and the sooner we just accept that, the sooner we can get over our equally crippling shame regarding Vanilla Ice. However, I would point out yet again, that a truly confident person, wouldn’t feel the need to continually post these sentiments reminiscent of a line of failed Christian greeting cards, if they actually believed the inferences therein to be true in the first place.

Case in point? Yet another example of Seawolf pointlessly creating drama where none existed initially, and then, after being fittingly held to task for her sociopathic pettiness, directing her unwarranted ire at an innocent, by wrapping herself in the mantle of undeserved persecution that she wears as if it were a sports bra, or as is more apt in her case, a girdle of narcissistic necessity.

Before I delve into the exact context and definitive narrative of what truly happened, let’s peruse this nugget of nattering, where Seawolf’s stereotypical passive-aggressive mewling of being allegedly traumatized by nothing less than quite possibly, the least professional person she’s ever met, enlightens us all in regards to her true maturity, or more precisely, her complete lack of it:
In my ever so humble opinion, there’s no better way to assert to the world entire, that you’re a rational adult, than by immediately taking to your social media accounts as if you were a sullen tween, so that you can whine about the sheer injustice of being minorly inconvenienced, am I right? Especially when there was no need to do so in the first place, as I will hopefully prove,

Now, after that first session of unnecessary online pearl-clutching, where literally every detail of whom Seawolf was complaining about was made public, via her time-tested technique of vague inference, you would think that would be the end of it, but you’d be eleven herbs and spices of dead wrong, because as I’ve shown over the course of several related screeds, using nothing save for her own public declarations, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is ever Ruth’s fault:

I will eventually shine a critical light as to why this delusionally optimistic view of hers borders on the edge of barely contained blasphemy, but before I do that, let’s enjoy this additional moronic martini, if only to see just how far Seawolf is willing to distort truth in order to salve her oversensitive ego:

Let’s recap, if we can, what supposedly happened according to the kook that is Ruth- a local confectionery company named “Sugar High” dared to allegedly disrespect Ruth and her ever so valuable time, by daring to ask her for a key, in order to certify that the event hall that they rented, would be made secure after said event was over, if I happen to be reading between the lines of her original gripe correctly, and I’m sure that I am.

Rather thna just simply keeping her sense of offense to herself, she then goes on to further inflame the situation that she originated, by hypocritically kvetching about how the company she maligned online for no reason, was (GASP!) defending themselves against her unprovoked attack. Citing alleged “attempts” of boycotts with no evidence provided, (of course) she continues to play her “I’m the real victim here” card, as if it were the singular one in a gambit deck that she’s been dealing from the bottom of for years, if some of what I’ve been told, is even half-true.

For those of you paying attention, Seawolf struck first. After getting her sand-laden panties in a bunch, she went online for no other reason than the fact that she mainlines self-invented drama much in the way that John Belushi once did speedballs, and after giving enough veiled details regarding who she was slandering at the time, now feigns offense at the very idea that she’s being called onto the community’s carpet to answer for it.

The nerve. After all, isn’t she the victim here? Of course, she is. How could she not be? I only wish to point out that as it is her narrative, the mere suggestion that anyone should challenge its authenticity, can only be perceived as offensive, regardless of what witnesses and reality say in defiance of her obviously cherry-picked take on the imaginary feud that she alone, fomented into existence.  

And when you factor in that Sugar High was forced to make their Facebook business page private, due to licentious attacks by Seawolf, as well as her minions, it becomes even more crystalline regarding who’s really at fault here, and it sure as hell isn’t the lady choosing to make cookies over chasing imaginary enemies, that’s for goddamn sure. But just don’t take my words of sardonicism as proof of this concept, for as it is with all things contentious, the truth of such usually falls somewhere in the middle.

To that measure, I add this- the direct screenshots of the so-called “unprofessional” conversation that Seawolf felt compelled to share with the pathetic populace that inhabits her wretched sphere of ignorant influence. And in a twist that was totally expected, it doesn’t present itself in quite the same way that Ruth claimed it did. I know, I know, I was genuinely shocked too, given her penchant for brutal honesty. And that last sentence boys and girls, is exactly why Microsoft Word needs to add a “sarcastic” font.

As always, I won’t speak for you, but does anyone whose brain actually works as nature intended, truly regard SH’s responses to Seawolf’s immediate curtness as unprofessional? From the start, Ruth acknowledges that she had no clue that the key was supposed to be passed on, despite her long-term association with the event hall’s administration, but now SH is the one to solely blame for this minor logistical snafu?

Interesting interpretation of reality as usual, Ruth.

This does raise the question of just why Seawolf thought that any facet of this rather benign exchange merited a Vaguebook rant, when the simple act of grousing about her time being impugned to her dinner companions, was all that it might have merited. You know… like a normal person would do? But hey, you can’t really play the victim without a captive audience, and mythical Lord knows, Seawolf just loves to orate to the situational hostages that make up her Facebook friends list.

Another point that I found interesting, is that even though Seawolf was at dinner in another city adjacent to Silver City, SH’s request for her to drop off the key, and that, obviously when it was convenient, was far from the rudest of impositions that Seawolf alleged it was, given the general proximity of said respective townships, as evidenced by this Google Maps screenshot:

Seventeen minutes. That’s all. And if Seawolf was willing to meet SH’s representative even half way, she’d be absent from her dinner for the grand sum of twenty minutes, or simply dropped off the key after she was done shoveling food into that mewling maw she wittily refers to as a mouth. But no, SH was the one lacking professionalism here, along with being, and I quote; “mean”, as well.

You read that right, the modifier was “mean”. This, from a woman who slanders and threatens people left and right, all while hiding behind a rapidly decaying facade of faux Christianity and supposed community support. JFC, Ruth- I know you’re chronologically easing into your low 60’s, but seriously…just  how f**king old are you really? Because if I didn’t know better, I’d suggest your parents get you some much-needed anger management counseling before you’re allowed to enter pre-school.

And in what I can only assume is a sheer coinky-dink, it turns out that much like Seawolf, SH also holds events that help benefit the exceedingly small business community in my town, thereby in essence, serving as a direct challenge to Seawolf’s attempted stranglehold on such dealings. I’m certain that fact has played no part whatsoever in how Ruth decided to deal with the situation that she created out of conceited inanity, but Time will tell, I guess.

As I said… sheer coincidence, and nothing more, I’m sure. For the record, that sentence was mentally written in uppercase sarcastic font, and the moment they actually invent it, I’ll totally re-edit this section, and make it so. Nevertheless, I see no reason why Seawolf would even be sweating the merde pit that she dug with her sausage like fingers on social media, because as one of her fellow complicit cravens reminded her, “God’ was totally on her side:

This delusion, brought to you all, independent of the reality that (A) God doesn’t exist, and (B), if he did, he sure as f**k wouldn’t be backing Seawolf’s false recollection, given that whole omnipotent skillset that he once so famously journaled about. A few points I’d like to address here, if I may; first, Velda’s brain is obviously made out of Velveeta, and second, the only “ABBA FATHER” that I’m familiar with, is this guy:

… and I dare you, no, I double-dog dare you, to tell me to my face, eye to eye, that his stereotypical wardrobe, doesn’t kick the ever-living s**t out of that shapeless hummus sack that your fantastical savior dons every day, as if he were still paying for our collective original sin.

Now, if for no other reason than to maintain my reputation for being accurate, I will acknowledge that the phrase I just mocked, stems from the Aramaic word for father that was used by Jesus and Paul to address God in a relation of personal intimacy, but anytime I can throw a good ABBA-related joke into my literary mix, it stays in forever.

What also remains ostensibly unchanged, is the level of lingering fear that Seawolf has seemingly managed to percolate throughout my small community, and while this perception doesn’t have a base in her undertaking vengeful actions past exposing her masturbatory persecution complex online per se, it is widely recognized, that she’s my town’s resident wackadoo that’s best avoided whenever possible.

Granted, this unspoken edict isn’t due to Seawolf lacking the courage to do anything but screech to an otherwise empty sky, but more to the reality that the people who follow her, have quite the taste for issuing threats and ominous portents for those they believe have unjustly crossed swords with her.

I’ve covered this particular topic in previous screeds, so I won’t rehash it here, but when you take someone like Seawolf, who is the closest thing I’ve ever witnessed to being a human analog for an unbalanced and barely sentient undercooked pork-pot-pie, the notion that giving it even the merest amount of sway over a throng of feeble-minded muttonheads, based on nothing more than the futile hope that something good will come out of it, is wildly over-optimistic, to say the very least.

Don’t fully trust my take on this? Well how about these gathered remarks from random townsfolk, wherein they discuss exactly who Seawolf is truly perceived to be, as a control? For the sake of personal privacy, and to reduce the threat of possible retribution for expressing their opinions so openly, I’ve stripped away the personal information attached to these commentaries, for as the writer, the heat should be on me, and not those just trying to do the right thing.

Let me give you some insight as to what the general mood of my town typically is- it’s the kind of place where people open doors for you, compliment you, your dog, and your kids in the same breath, and if you time it right, some people will even happily let you grab the “good’ parking space at Walmart. So, when chatter like this becomes commonplace, it’s a sure sign that the collective nerve has been stepped on once too often for comfort’s sake.

Nevertheless, let’s not forget who the “real” victim is here, boys and girls, because if we do, it’s almost a certainty that she’ll start pounding on her keyboard as if she were an ape from the prologue of i2001: A Space Odyssey, until we all give her the attention she so desperately, if not pathetically, craves. I’ve heard of being addicted to drama, but I wasn’t aware that one could replace all their body fluids with it, so I guess that whole concept of “you learn something new every day” is less of an abstract, and more of a proven theorem.

Speaking of which, the last topic I’d like to dissect before I wrap this narrative up, is one that I’ve always found to be the most cravenly of Seawolf’s deflective tactics, namely the employment of possibly false claims alleging targeted persecution by unnamed others, in order to avoid shouldering her fair share of personal culpability in regards to the malicious maelstrom of disingenuousness that she directs outward towards my community at large.

Why, you may ask, would I dare disparage her oft-repeated assertions of being harassed so flippantly, you ask? Well, as a start, she’s never presented any credible evidence {more on this in a bit} to support her claims, despite a supposed and definitive pattern of such incidents, and yet, her fan club of equally paranoid pinheads, swallow these obvious lies, as if they were manna Door-Dashed from Heaven itself.

And yes, as you would expect, she was gracious enough to provide a prime example of her approach to crafting her boat of falsehoods, even though in the end, she inadvertently drills a hole in the floor of it, by showing us how the trick was done.

In retrospect, as this screenshot, taken close to two years ago during Trump’s distractors reign as Philanderer in Chief, Seawolf’s claim of unjust maltreatment, reads less like a laundry list of baseless complaints, and more of a “How I did it” study aid for future psychologists, does it not?

Other than literally admitting unknowingly to the reality that she’s the one common denominator in relation to an imaginary siege foisted by others, she also throws in quite the healthy dash of paranoia, along with her usual topping of over-dramatized deceitfulness as well.

I personally love the inclusion regarding the native-breed snake she callously (if not pointlessly) killed, serving as an emissary of intimidation, while histrionically claiming that message on the postcard, which strangely only displayed the non-addressed side, was nothing less than a “fear tactic” that somehow was “even worse”? I can only offer my sincerest kudos for her taking the most benign of random occurrences, and then turning them into Dark Side icons worthy of Darth Vader.

Not only can snakes “climb”, you delusional dingbat, they’re also running wild all over the place out here, as we live in the f**king high desert. I have owls, crows, ravens, rabbits, all manner of birds, and no less than three different species of snake that use my front and back yards as their interspecies highway, and I say this as a guy who lives in the middle of a suburban development.

But let’s start off with the postcard whose message was so speciously vile, that Seawolf, driven by no less than her inherent sense of infinite concern for the delicate sensibilities of those unknown to her, chose not to display it, because when it comes to bequeathing the knowledge of that whish is unpleasant to the community as a whole, Ruth is definitely the matron who prefers lobbing marshmallows, rather than missiles.

Unfortunately for Seawolf, but not for us however, she couldn’t help but share her disgust at the hand-scrawled memorandum present on the card’s opposite side, deciding to share it with one of her fellow whiny wackadoos on their page instead, and by doing so, finally revealed to the Web entire, exactly just what resides in the blackest of her detractors’ hearts: 

Dear God… after reading this, I honestly have no idea how I’ll ever be able to sleep without all of the lights in my bedroom turned on. The inclusion of facts, drawn from proven statistical data, with a dash of sarcasm at the end? It’s as chilling as swallowing a Peppermint Patty, while sitting nude on a commode crafted from the purest of glacial ice.

As far as “fear tactics” go, this one is so subtle in the deliverance of its terrorization, it almost comes off as possessing no threat whatsoever, which in two words, is simply brilliant. I can only speak for myself here, as I always do, but that sinister, if not overly jaunty, addition of a happy face at the end, is nothing less than a modern-day allusion to “The Five Orange Pips” as written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and if you don’t what I’m talking about, go visit your local library and ask for it.

Reading is fundamental after all, which is why modern-day conservatives are ever so keen to ban or burn the conduits of its delivery. That is, when they can’t cherry-pick a false narrative out of its ashes, of course. In regards to Seawolf’s deliberate perjury about the postcard’s context, logic should now infer that when assessing her accounting of a biblically epic tale of personal harassment, it might be prudent for all those who read it, to do so with about a pound-and-a-half of salt within reach.

And since we have so much salt just laying around in reserve, I suggest we take it all, and rub it straight into Seawolf’s self-created wounds, as consequence for having to be witness to her pathetic-as-f**k   reenactment of “The Boy Who Cried Wolf“, a beloved morality tale transcribed into existence within the pages of the Aesopica, by the slave and storyteller Aesop, who is believed to have lived in Greece during the time period between 620 and 564 BCE.

For those unfamiliar with the story, its synopsis is thus: after a young shepherd who, being lonely and fearful, decides to call for help by shouting “Wolf!”, realizing that every time he does so, the people of his town appear in droves to lend aid and comfort. Encouraged by this response based on his selfish abuse of the townspeople’s initial trust, he continues the subterfuge, until the same said people start, catching on that despite being alerted several times, no wolf is ever seemingly present at the scene.

Infuriated by this deceit, they then ignore his future cries when a wolf finally does appear, and starts to attack his flock. The obvious moral of the story, of course, is that when you’re openly regarded as a liar, there will be no forthcoming praise directed your way, even if one day, you do decide to tell the truth for once. By no means am I a betting man, but if house odds were ever placed on Ruth recalling her interpersonal dealings accurately, I’d willingly sign over my house if not my lungs, to cover the buy-in.

Let’s all recall for a moment, that Seawolf has publicly declared that she has been the needless victim of slanderous harassment, alleged attempts at boycotts, implied threats, and (GASP!) living with the horror that unnamed persons might compete with her Facebook pages, because in these violently viral times, that’s really the best way to stick it to a narcissist such as Seawolf,

And let’s not also forget, just how effectively the local wildlife has been manipulated into psychologically intimating Seawolf as well, as if they were the special operations branch overseen by rogue elements within MI6, if not Nehebkau. And yet…?

Despite her love of posting her self-created, if not selectively cherry-picked drama all over her Facebook empire of egotism, Seawolf has NEVER once, forwarded proof of any of these activities. Not one screenshot of a supposedly threatening email, text message, or so much as a snippet of harshly phrased audio. Nor has her public ever been witness to a photo of a vandalistic act waged against either her, or for that matter, any of her businesses, as well.

It can’t be just me that this strikes strange, can it? As shown, the sole attempt that she’s ever made at providing a shred of evidence to bossier her petty histrionics, turned out to be a deceitfully presented false narrative, so as to how I would address the bulk of her declarations that she’s trapped inside a cloak of concern for her general well-being, is to reference what passes as her intellect, and call it out for what it truly is…

PURE BULLS**T.

Now, notwithstanding my cynicism, I wasn’t just going to casually sign off on Seawolf’s penchant for manifesting metaphorical wolves out of the ether provided by the voices in her head, as being able to back up what I write is a definitive requirement when dealing with persons afflicted with a persecution complex such as Ruth, but in order to do that, I would need concrete proof from a source that had no skin in the fight to begin with, if only to add the weight of validation behind what I’ve been saying.

And what form of champion is there better equipped to handle the task of establishing accuracy, than an archive of public records?  Granted, maybe only Jesus himself, but since I don’t believe in him, and I’m on an exceedingly tight budget, to begin with I’ll have to take whatever advantage I can get., To that end, I decided to start with the most logical place, that being my local police department, or to be more specific, their compiled “blotter”.

As is the case with most trades, police have their own terminology for the various components relating to their job, and the term “blotter”, is nothing more than a standard descriptive for a book that records the arrests and varied minutiae that occurs within a police station on a daily basis.

Arrests are recorded as they occur, although specific details such as name, age, and address of the suspect/person arrested, time and place of an incident, name of the officer who responded to the incident, and name of the victim/complaining person may, or may not, be excluded, depending on the legal statutes of the locality involved. What is consistent however, is the ability for the general public to access them without question and without informational limitations, save for the ones that I just noted.

So, if we were to take a skip through the pages of the blotter belonging to the Silver City PD, what would it tell us about Seawolf? Would it show a consistent pattern in regards to her assumed to be false allegations, or would it instead, vindicate her as a truly innocent victim of of personal harassment? Before I answer either question, I’d like to point out that by law, the police are required to log every single call for assistance, irrespective of whether the lodged complaint is investigated further. or not.

In ither words, every time that Seawolf has found herself allegedly threatened, and then posted on Facebook about reaching out to the police due to such an intrusion, there should be either a report, or at the very least, an notation of the incident itself, within the blotters interior. And yes, she has talked about reaching out to the cops, just in case you were wondering:

For Crywolf’s information, being reported to your employer, in this case, that being Farmers Insurance, for unprofessional if not unethical behavior, does not in any way, shape, pr form, constitute “harassment”, unless the accusations presented are slanderous, and thanks to Ruth’s obsessive posting involving her seemingly false narratives, she, ironically, is the one fueling her own degradation in the eyes of those she works for.

But do you know what actually constitutes harassment, Ruth? Labeling innocent businesses, one of which, (coincidentally) is in competition with you, as unprofessional and actively fraudulent, threatening your detractors with being on a list of supposed “enemies”, and pretending that you’re Joan of Arc being burned at the stake, when you’re called out for utilizing your fetid Facebook pages to do so, without any apparent shame, justifiable incentive, or remorseful self-reflection.

Some context, if I may? What Ruth is mewling about here, is the fact that her penchant for slandering local businesses, issuing paranoid conspiracy theories, and promoting the violation of common-sense health protocols that allegedly led to her becoming ill with COVID, was not only brought to the attention of Farmer’s customer service and human resources departments, but to her District Manager, one Kenneth Miyagishima as well.

Despite his clearly insincere insistence on offering multiple platitudes that he would soon take action regarding Crywolf’s intolerable actions and assertions, as of this writing, Miyagishima hasn’t done squawk about it, despite being served up a truckload of evidentiary data to support the complaint.

If I were a cynic, I’d suggest that this inaction may be due to knowing that the issue at hand has been sitting in his lap for over a year now, and given this knowledge, his bosses might start asking some uncomfortable questions as to just why the situation wasn’t rectified sooner, but I’ll digress for now, as the concern is currently being reviewed by the Mexico Insurance Commission, and I’m sure those people might actually have a thing or two to say, when all is said and done.

As per her SOP, Crywolf tells only the half of the story to garner undeserved sympathy, but over-delivers twice the expected bulls**t as well, because when the public records archive is examined in depth, the real tale takes precedence over Crywolf’s fabrications.

Notwithstanding some valid reports involving concerns at one of the companies she worked at, which I will address in a moment, when it comes to the issue of her personal safety or that of her reputation, there’s absolutely NO MENTION WHATSOEVER of any threats, specifically targeted vandalism, or proof of harassment via phone, email, letters, or text.

None. Zip. Zilch. Nada. ZERO.

Given the now-verified inauthenticity of her prior claims, I’d almost have-to suggest that Crywolf has managed to, and this almost transcendentally, definitively blur the line between wearing a tin-foil hat, and actually becoming one that’s ambulatory. I’m fairly confident that if this incontrovertible evidence were brought to Ruth’s attention, keeping in mind that this is only my opinion based on… well, everything she seems to represent, she’d either manufacture a rationalization on the spot, or more than likely, claim that the local police were aligned against her as well.

Which to be fair, is not really that much of a slanderous supposition, when you factor in as a whole, the myriad of fantastical fantasies she’s willingly disseminated on Facebook in the past. As noted earlier above, the police are required by law, to log every single call for assistance, irrespective of whether the lodged complaint is investigated further. or not.

This is not a case of debatable “He said / She said” when it comes to her claims of being victimized, it’s a now proven pattern of outright falsehoods crafted to cast her in the best light, without the merit of credible evidence proving that she should be so.

As you may collectively recall, she’s publicly declared that Lady GaGa is part of a Satanic blood cult that practices blood sacrifice and hurts children, that the seditionary actions occurring on January 6th were the result of insidious machinations by BLM and Antifa agents, and closed off her circle of cray-cray by bragging about how “God” once sent her a celestial sign via a receipt from Walmart, my implying that she’s nuttier than a case of Zagnut bars, seems almost genteel, if only in retrospect.

Even so, I still must ask the elephant in the room the only question that needs to be answered in relation to the issue at hand, and it is this: Is Crywolf lying though her f**king teeth as usual, or is she just so goddamn arrogantly stupid, that she truly believes that nobody knows that she is? While I’m not a fan of dissemblers by any stretch of their imagination, I will admit a slightly begrudging respect for the ones who are actually good at it, unlike our cafeteria Christian cry-wolfer here.

You would think after years of allegedly practicing her bitchcraft, she’d be somewhat competent in presenting it to an uninterested public, but you’d be wrong. Not as wrong as Ruth’s stereotypical take on politics, gender identity, racial concerns, cultural movements, personal responsibility, or the actual lessons to be learned from her imagined saviors’ teachings, to be sure, but still pretty damn close, nonetheless.

As showcased earlier, Crywolf does appear in the SCPD blotter, under her Christian name of Seawolf, but because I believe in the purity of calling a histrionic twit a histrionic twit, I’d suggest that in the future, we all should use the moniker I bestowed upon her, in order to make the time we have to spend debunking and mocking yet another one of her farcical tales of terror mad flesh, that much more rewarding.

While Crywolf has posted a litany of claims minus any proof, in regards to perceived and alleged threats for quite some time now, the archived register of such events, fails to provide even the merest of solidarity for her stories to stand on- I’m sure there’s just an error in bookkeeping, rather than her being a disingenuous liar, because as we’ve seen, truthfulness is most definitely, one of her strongest [personal attributes.

The first incident to be found within the official record, was an act of grand larceny committed against the real estate company that Ruth was affiliated with, and involved the theft of a bank deposit bag from the premises. Other than the fact that some genius left it (and close to a thousand dollars in deposits) in an unlocked drawer, there’s no direct connection whatsoever to any of Crywolf’s seemingly manufactured drama, nor was the theft itself indirectly witnessed either, as the business in question, had no video surveillance system in place at the time…

The subsequent incidents that occurred, and I might add, indecently of each other, were two similarly themed acts of minor criminal damage, namely, a singular broken window, one at Ruth’s workplace, and the second, at a residence she was acting as the broker for. In neither case, was there any secondary evidence that suggested that Crywolf was the intended victim of specifically targeted harassment, nor has any proof been discovered since, that supports the same conclusion.

So, what does all of this supplementary data indicate to us as a whole?

Easy answer- either (A) Crywolf is an out and out master of spreading a reconstructed and delusional Truth, or (B) there’s an insidious plot, guided by no less than the hands of Satan, that involves the citizenry of Silver City, its local constabulary, an as yet unnamed atheist cabal determined to keep her from dispensing the Gospel of Gullibility, to her equally as intellectually vapid fan club of complicit cravens

And in a twist of narrative that no one saw coming, save for her future overworked psychologists, agents of either the Deep State, the New World Order, or even possibly, the Antichrist himself, have collectively decided, for no particular reason at all, to waste their valuable time and energy screwing with a woman who presents herself as if she were a Christian Fembot as seen within the pages of a Hobby Lobby catalog.

Yeah… that makes sense, right? Regardless of what I may believe to be the truth, based on, and bolstered by, no less than Crywolf’s publicly posted words and actions, if one of their own volitions decides to undertake an in-depth evaluation of what Crywolf has claimed, and what reality itself has actually proven in opposition to such, I’m fairly confident that in the end, their supposition of Seawolf’s culpability for the continual drama storm swirling around her, will be equal to my own.

However, since Ruth also declares her devotion to a faith whose spiritual context she fails to either grasp or emulate, and one that she has so arrogantly weaponized into a cudgel if not a shield, I felt that the only way to end this screed, was with this apt snippet from 6:16-19 of Proverbs: “There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.”

For most of us, it remains to be seen what happens when we shuffle off the mortal coil to face the supposed final  judgement of what I perceive as no more than an ignorant myth, but if his veracity of being does turn out to be true, odds are roughly 50/50 as to where I may wind up, due to the fact that both sides have legitimate claim, but as to Ruth’s celestial fate, given her actions on earth?

Well, if I were forced to be brutally honest, deep down in my gut, I’m thinking that Ruth should probably stock up on an eternal supply of Aloe Vera, because that whining wench is most definitely going to require it. But who knows? Maybe God will bless her with some of that infinite grace she supposedly admires so much, but never dispenses herself.

As I wrap this up, I see the clock has struck five past midnight, and for now at least, it’s time to put my claws back in their box, and grab some well-deserved shut-eye. And when I come back, I’ll take an absurd detour into the gift shop of Wackadoo World, and discover that the best conspiracy-themed tchotchkes are still made right here in the good ol’ USA.

“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can’t get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don’t care who you are. What goes around comes around. That’s how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.” – Jessica Brody, The Karma Club

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


The Kook of Ruth Pt.2 (Re-tease the Karen!)

“Narcissists are consumed with maintaining a shallow false self to others. They’re emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention. Because of this they use a multitude of games, in order to receive adoration. Sadly, they are the most ungodly of God’s creations because they don’t show remorse for their actions, take steps to make amends or have empathy for others. They are morally bankrupt.”

– Shannon L.  Alder

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

I don’t know about you, but I just love Winter, and everything about it- the crispness of the air, the biting wind in your face, the rationalizing that there’s no prescribed time as to when you can have hot chocolate, and the best part of all, the grey feeling of desolation that hangs in the sky. That is, until that annoyingly perky season known as “Spring” shows up, and crashes the snowbound shindig

And while my fashion palette declares earnestly to anyone who’ll listen that I’m an Autumn, my soul has always been wearing an ugly sweater and sipping a heated Dr. Pepper, as I languidly sprawl in front of a roaring fire, listening to a CD of Billy Idol’s Christmas album; “Happy Holidays” on repeat.

Snicker all that you want, but this will-never-not-be-a-classic disc, is a certified gas. More importantly, it makes me truly happy, since as of late, I’ve found myself yet again, venomously dealing with a person so egocentric, that even Plato, who advocated for the Geocentric Model regarding planetary orbits, would recommend that they pick up a science book, if only to discover that they’re not the center of the known universe.

urrent screed is notated as a “Pt. 2”, it stands to reason that this is a continuance of my previous blogvella, where I revisited a previous chew-toy of mine, and suggested in essence, that when it came to the particularly hateful harpy that I was writing about, their current dedication to exhibiting their “crazy” so openly might not necessarily be curable, but it could be medicated, and perhaps that would be the first step in bringing this wackadoo back to the land of Reality that the remainder of us whose brains still work correctly, happily call home.

To argue my point, I exhibited some of their publicly online assertions, as well as their self-pitying passion plays, and as usual, approached my somewhat caustic take dispensing the milk of human kindness, as only I can. From a non-working refrigerator, that’s been sitting in the middle of the Sahara for three and a half weeks.

I feel however, that despite my inherent snarkiness, the inane individual that I was allegorically flaying alive using nothing else save their own words, actions, and online segments to do so, my admiration for their commitment to foisting dazzlingly dense displays of disingenuousness upon the undeserving public at large, was truly impressive, to say the very least.

If I had to draw a parallel between their following through on showing us all what a failing public education system would look like as a person, while remaining true to themselves, I’d label them as the Mandolorian of Morons.

Sorry. That was rude of me to suggest, given that the Mandolorian himself, is a complex character with an adherence to a [personal creed that honors self-sacrifice above all else, and today’s return guest idea of true altruism, is to milk every drop out of her homespun drama, as if it were the last vestiges of Manna from Heaven itself.  

As someone who rightfully prides themselves on their own personal productivity, I can’t tip my hat hard enough to show my envy concerning this person’s efficiency at mass-producing the very drug they need to remain feeling both delusionally relevant, if not morally superior to everyone else.

Without any further ado, let me take this moment to re-introduce an individual who blazes her own path, as if she were Anakin Skywalker taking a shortcut through a Jedi preschool, and of whom, author Walter Bagehot might have coined the following: “Nothing is more unpleasant than a virtuous person with a mean mind.” Granted, todays squeal on a stick is far meaner than she’s ever been virtuous, but let’s not quibble over semantics, shall we?

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present the answer to what happens when a Bible and a lack of access to birth control, decide to have a one-night stand, and accidentally spawn a barely sentient stack of rancid communion wafers, so put your hands together for Silver City’s very own …

RUTH DARLENE SEAWOLF!!!
(Off in the distance, a singular cricket chirps, as a lone tumbleweed rolls on by…)

Bitchiteers? We’ve talked about this- regardless of whose head is locked in the stocks of my Hasbro French Revolution Playset, you still have to clap, and show the decorum of proper respect, even if that person doesn’t deserve it. Especially then. After all, when the emblematic guillotine blade is dropped and all is said and sone, I’ll have yet another work of public service under my belt, and you’ll get a spanking brand-new soccer ball to play with. Everybody’s a winner.

Well, everybody but Ruth, that is. Or come to think of it, anyone else that has to sadly deal with her lack of a truly dizzying intellect on a consistent basis. I’ve often said that one of my key tests in determining the likeability of a person, is to ask myself whether or not I could handle being trapped with them in an elevator for about an hour or so, which overall, I’ve always felt is an adequate timeframe in which to ascertain such an abstract concept. .

In Seawolf’s case, not only would I go out of my way to not find myself sharing a lift with her, I‘d make it a point to take the stairs, just to avoid any risk of my metaphorical scenario occurring in the first place. And I say this, both as a partial amputee who’d missing a quarter of his left foot, and as someone who’d rather jump out a window during a high-rise fire, rather than negotiate a stairwell with my cane.

But in the end, it really wouldn’t matter, because despite all evidence to the contrary, if Ruth and I did find ourselves trapped within a box of steel, overflowing with her speculative Ego, asking her beforehand as to whether it was crucial that we got along or not, would most likely be met with this response:Unfortunately for Seawolf’s false decree, her own public displays of near-sociopathic pettiness, have proven this valuation of hers to be entirely false, if not wholly hypocritical. Seawolf does care, and that, quite a lot, it seems. I’ve met some drama queens in my day, but I never thought I’d honestly hear of someone in my small hamlet, who could do a one-woman play of “La Cage Aux Folles” without breaking a sweat, let me tell you.

And while I myself, refuse to believe in the concept of an all-powerful, all-seeing, and omnipotent God, as I really don’t want to help enable unreliable and inconsequential sociopaths, I’d be of the mindset that if such a deity did exist, he’d consciously avoid Seawolf as if she were a Mormon Sister he accidentally gave his real name and phone number to, after an awkward one-night stand just outside of Provo.

We’ve all heard the phrase; “Jesus protect me from your followers”, but has anyone ever considered the strong possibility that when dealing with cafeteria Christians like Seawolf, he himself, may utter the same under his breath? I’d happily point out that for someone who claims to use her rarely opened copy of the “Good Book” as a guide for living her life, Seawolf references her Facebook one far more often, as a rule.  

I knew that being addicted to drama can manifest as a real concern for some people, but JFC…  is it really possible to be jonesing for a hit 24/7? Apparently so, and I say this as a person who, despite looking forward to confrontation the way a preschooler looks forward to Christmas morning, has been known to take the occasional break every now and then,

If Ruth on the other hand, through either legalities or the nature of her personal circumstances at the time, found herself being forcibly detoxed cold turkey style, of her obsessive need to create territorial turbulence, she just may, through the severity of her withdrawal, inadvertently craft the unintentional sequel to Nikki Sixx’s the Heroin Diaries.

Once again, Seawolf posts a declaration of self, only to later negate it, or pretend like I always do with the Star Wars prequels, that said self-own never existed in the first place. If God thinks so highly of her, then why is she always (allegedly) under some form of spiritual duress? If God rewards those who praise him ceaselessly, shouldn’t Seawolf have achieved her VIP status by now, thereby granting her the perk of being safe from harm under the gaze of his ever-watching eye?

After all, if Ruth is to be believed, which, on most days, is a 90/10 split at its supreme best, she’s apt to be down on her knees servicing the Lord, which truly sounds somewhat dirty, but seriously, is not meant to be. So, if any of this is true, then why would she feel compelled to say something like this in the past?

Yep. You heard it here first, folks… the reason there’s so much drama swirling around Ruth as if she were a streaming service specializing in low-budget telenovelas, is because she “thinks differently”, which to be fair, is also a descriptive that one could apply to every single middle-aged White woman seen on YouTube, screaming at an African-American for doing nothing, save for existing.

I hate to burst your bubble Ruth, but in order to be considered as thinking differently, one actually has to be accused of being able to think first, and that’s an allegation that’s never been, nor will it ever be, a[plied to you. And if you need wonder why this is, may I suggest that you re-read anything you’ve posted online, as all will be made clear, even to a person such as yourself, who inaccurately perceives reality through eyes that have been superglued shut.

While her paranoia is entertaining, if not ingrained, knowing that Seawolf has accrued an “enemies list” of sorts, does raise a few questions, does it not? Are these enemies of hers real, such as Logic, Facts, and her oldest nemesis, Reality, or are they imaginary, like Satan, her Faith, her Empathy, or established dependability in regards to telling the truth as it actually is?  This is not to say outright that Seawolf is deceitful, but if she ever told me that Biggie Smalls was dead, I’d do my best to confirm that information with Tupac Shakur first.

The credibility of her assertions has been questioned within my small community not only by myself, but numerous others, and the collective conclusion that has been reached, is that you would think that for somebody who bears false witness as much as Seawolf does, she’d actually be somewhat competent at doing so by now. Nothing could be further from the truth, save for Ruth herself, that is, and that proven theorem is what I’ll be discussing as this screed progresses.

Regardless of topic, albeit Religion, Public Health, Politics, Cultural Norms, Civil Rights, or the proper temperature at which one should chill Ding Dongs, Seawolf being counted on to get it wrong, is an almost bankable certainty. And on those rare conditions when she does get “it” right, I can assure you that she’ll find some way to squander that attained good will, almost immediately.

One particular area where Ruth comes off as stunningly dumber than a box of Bibles, is the land of politics. Whether it’s crafting false analogies to connect dots that don’t line up, or fabricating falsities out of the thin air that encompasses the vacuous void between her ears, Seawolf consistently showcases why Right-wing media and its disseminators, should be classified as hazardous waste, and is the primary reason as to why her yearly CAT scan, tends to be designated as a reevaluation for a Superfund site. 

Take for instance, Seawolf’s deep insights regarding “what’s really going on”, and see tor yourselfYes Ruth. “They” really did need 2000 Marshalls for an inauguration, thanks to a largely unhinged contingent of your inane ilk attempting to overthrow democracy a short time before. Strange how you left that part out of your narrative I can only guess you were too busy being offended by the Capitol police stopping them from doing so.

As to Democrats “knowing what’s coming”, yes we do. a whole bunch of you are about to display your lack of intelligence on a level unforeseen in this country, but not uncommon among those who routinely spray-paint things inside a sealed garage.

As to Democrats “knowing what’s coming”, yes we do. a whole bunch of you are about to display your lack of intelligence on a level unforeseen in this country, but not uncommon among those who routinely spray-paint things inside a sealed garage. However, attempting to compare the violence, destruction, and faux patriot disrespect of one of America’s oldest and revered institutions to the disturbances springing from the relatively [peaceful anti-police protests across the country, is such a Karen take, that even Karen herself, wants to talk to your manager…. now.

But you’re right about one thing. Nobody is fooling an all-knowing, all-seeing God. Especially yourself, hence the reason why he’s polishing up the boot that he’ll use when he kicks your venomously disingenuous ass straight into the gaping maw of Hell. But then again, since he’s a myth that seems either powerless or wholly complicit, in relation to the harm that he foresees is about fo befall his creations, maybe the dice will roll in your favor, regardless.Man, this reads like an L. Ron Hubbard novel- complete with a plot that has so many disparate threads, you’d have to read it at least twice to understand the underpinning of insanity it took to scribe it in the first place.

So to recap, this odiously imaginative pile of pretentious pointlessness, the Clintons, Joe Biden, his nonelected son Hunter, were all in devious league with the nation of China, as well as a host of several other unnamed countries, to engineer the fall of Afghanistan, in order to cover up unspecified crimes, and only Ruth and her cabal of poetically ignorant pinheads, have managed to put the pieces of this conspiracy puzzle together.   

I particularly like her confidence in expressing that Biden, despite being integral to the subversion, is seemingly going to be deposed as collateral damage, in order to further an undescribed, yet somehow nefariously brilliant “evil agenda”, that she herself, can’t set the parameters of. Never let it be said that you can’t reach for the proverbial stars when you’re obviously mentally ill kids, for Ruth is shining proof that you can. Even if those “stars” are Sean Hannity, Laura Ingrahm, and of course, Tucker Carlson.

Sadly though, it’s apparently only going to get worse for Joe Biden, and Seawolf as usual, is all over it, using the inside information that the voices in her head provided her. Or maybe she got her intel off of a bumper sticker or even perhaps, from a meme. Somedays, its kind of hard to tell with her, given the fact that her grasp of political intrigue, is just as firm as the one she’s presented regarding her seemingly in decline sanity.

My mythical God… it all makes sense now. The Deep State, supported by corrupt Democrats, rigged the 2020 presidential election, tin order to install a political patsy, that for some unproven by evidence reason, is going to be eventually removed, so that his Indian-American female counterpart, can assume supreme control, in order to continue, and I quote; “their evil doing”, whatever the f**k that is.  Yup. It’s such a brilliantly subtle plan, that I can easily see why a rational mind could easily overlook it.

I would like to, if I may, point out yet another instance of hypocritically slurring Biden as being mentally incompetent from a group of people whose Fanta Fascist once said the following;

In regards to the topic of gay marriage, as quoted (1/5/11) in the New York Times: “It’s like in golf… A lot of people – I don’t want this to sound trivial – but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive… it’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”

This advice brought to you, by a person who believes in traditional marriage so much, he cheated on all three of his wives, two of whom, are ex-mistresses.

Concerning the valid issue of Global warming, as posted (6/10/12) on Twitter: “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.”

Not sure how that works out, but I’m sure the guy who manufactured his clothing line in China, kept secret bank accounts there, and allowed his daughter to acquire a boatload of trademarks as he paid them more in taxes there than he did in America, will definitely, one day, put them in their place.,

As quoted in the book, “TrumpNation: The Art of Being the Donald”, discussing one of his favorite movie scenes: “My favourite part [of Pulp Fiction] is when Sam has his gun out in the diner and he tells the guy to tell his girlfriend to shut up. ‘Tell that bitch to be cool. Say: Bitch be cool.’ I love those lines.”

This slice of misogyny offered up from a so-called man, who also once said on Face the Nation; “I will be phenomenal to the women. I mean, I want to help women.” Interesting approach, Donny. And who can ever forget his boast on Twitter regarding his Intelligence, where he declared; “Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest – and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.”

And then, to show off that highest IQ, eventually went on to talk about how windmill noise causes cancer, toilets in America require ten flushes, how modern LED bulbs made him look orange, noted that; “What you’re seeing and what you’re reading is not what’s happening”, and in what may be be one of my personal favorites, said this, when asked about his desire to retrieve the remains of our nations veterans who were killed during the Korean War:

 “One of the things that really I’m happy is that the soldiers that died in Korea, their remains are going to be coming back home. And we have thousands of people that have asked for that- thousands and thousands of people. So many people asked when I was on the campaign,” Trump added. “I’d say, ‘wait a minute, I don’t have any relationship- but they said, ‘when you can, president, we’d love our son to be brought back home… you know, the remains.”

Trump openly declared that while he was on the campaign trail in 2016, the parents of our revered war dead asked for his direct assistance, but there’s one almost embarrassingly irrelevant problem in regards to this claim of his- that being, these alleged parents of soldiers who fought in the war, would’ve been (on average) roughly 100 years old at the time, and not one shred of evidence, be it a photo or a video clip, backs up his highly questionable claim. I know, I know… I was shocked too.

Mainly that anybody bought this pile of bulls**t at face value, but I digress. But let’s just ignore his track record of lies, misdirection, sexual perversion, graft, money laundering, violating visa law, treason, and stunning narcissistic ineptitude, to bash on Joe Biden, who unlike Trump, has never bragged on tape about wanting to f**k his own kid and sexually assaulting women, just before it was revealed that he had paid a pornstar to f**k him, while his wife was at home, caring for their newborn child.

And yet, despite all that I just laid out, the topic Seawolf feels the need to so desperately disuses is the intellect of the current president who, unlike the one she pleasures herself to, didn’t ignore the pandemic, didn’t downplay the events of January Sixth, didn’t push conspiracy theories to explain away his political and personal blunders, and most importantly, never insulted an alleged sexual assault victim, by saying; “She’s not my type’, as Trump publicly did, in regards to Elle magazine columnist, E. Jean Carroll.

Such an insensitive, if not outrightly insufferable comment BTW, not only proves that Trump’s boast about grabbing helpless women “by the pu**y” was by no means, just “locker room talk”, as his defenders have nauseatingly claimed, it also disturbingly indicates that out there somewhere, is, a “type” he’d be more than happy to rape, given the right circumstances. But let’s ignore that blatant admission, in favor of Ruth’s pathetic gaslighted distraction, instead.

That’s what I’ve always found interesting about Seawolf- whenever she points her finger at someone, the ones pointing back at her, resemble a pack of headless hydras. For an average person, this amount of tone-deafness in relation to one’s personal hypocrisy would be labeled as “stunning”, but when it comes to Ruth, I’ve; learned to see it as just another normal Tuesday.

When one takes into account Seawolf’s political ignorance, fondness for conspiracy theories, as well as her ever-increasing sociopathic zealotry, I can only estimate how long it will be before the streets of my small town suffer the experience of her running down them, screaming this at the top of her lungs:

If there truly is a “God” that exists, I can only hope that regardless of uts theological theology, they stress upon the voices in Seawolf’s head, the importance of remaining clothed as she does so,, for my town at this point, has already in my widely accepted opinion, suffered enough unwarranted degradation due to her brazenly arrogant presence within it.

When it comes to the small slice of a Norman Rockwell painting in which I live, Seawolf’s position as an honorary deacon of detestable idiosyncrasies is hardly a secret, but the fallout that should n=be meted out in response, is barely whispered about, for a reason I’ll address in a moment. This naturally, has led to Seawolf’s erroneous assumption that she’s somehow above reproach, and comfortably below the visibility of the community’s social radar, but this belief, like most of the ones that Ruth holds dear, is starting to show signs of rapidly advancing attrition.

What Seawolf fails to realize, is that the emotion of fear is stereotypically underpinned by the sub-emotion of hate- either it’s the hatred of consequences that keeps people in check, or hating the conceptual reality that regardless of what actions you undertake, you can’t do anything to keep the fear at bay. This fear, is both the fuel and the tool that Seawolf exploits to keep her detractors at bay, and even I will admit, she’s got quite the knack for dispensing it.

However, it’s not because she possesses cunning, or a feral intellect, it’s because those on the receiving end of her wrath, believe her to be mentally unwell, or as one of her Facebook-based vendettas recently told me; “I think she’s crazier than a s**thouse rat on crack, and I’ve got kids to worry about.”

Now, this is not to say that Seawolf herself would ever do anything violent, but if one reads the comments posted on her social media victim statements, she does have a few in her only-one-book club, who seem more than eager to dispense their own form of vengeful vigilantism, as noted in an earlier blogvella: of mine:So, it’s not Ruth’s being correct, pr the strength of her assertions that keeps the people of my town silent, it’s their collective concern that one day, they’re going to wake up one day with the allegorical head of Christ in their bed, as if they were starring in the TBN remake of the Godfather. Let us not all forget though, that when it comes to who the true casualty of cruel fate is, it’s always going to be Seawolf hands down, who as we all know by how, is blameless for all that happens to her.

But, here’s the best bit about hatred-driven fear, Ruth- it galvanizes people to bide their time, waiting for cracks in your armor to appear. It eventually inspires them, to rise up as one great overpowering mass, and even more so, when they sense metaphorical blood in the water. When the time comes for your long-overdue fall, its all on you, nobody else. And all the Facebook posts in the world won’t save you from the social shunning you’ve been earning in installments, since only your mythical God knows when.

That’s the flaw of self-invented drama Ruth- in the end, it’s akin to tying an engine block around your neck, as you go searching for refuge within the Marianas Trench of your own hubris.

Speaking of which…

Seawolf, who fancies herself a community organizer, when she’s not organizing faux outrage targeting her own community, also currently oversees a Facebook page known as “Silver City Reviews, Experiences & Recommendations” the description of which, is as follows:

“ This is a page set up specifically for people to review local and surrounding cities, and online sites & companies, stores, products, restaurants etc. Please share your experiences with us whether they be good or bad. Members are now also allowed to ask for recommendations for specific items, foods, doctors, hair stylists etc. Businesses are allowed to advertise their hours, menu’s, prices, specials, etc BUT only once a month!

Once members try the place out they can then post a review, experience or recommendation. Please refrain from any vulgar language and please be aware that once you post whether it be negative or positive you open yourself up to diverse kinds of feedback and opinions. Also please keep in mind that we will not always agree! Please agree to disagree in a respectful way with no harassment or accusations to the person posting. We all will never have the same personal experience for a place. That’s what this page is for…..to voice “your” personal experience.

Any post containing nudity or vulgar/curse words will automatically be deleted:) Thank you all for keeping this an informative site. Members who have Admins blocked will be removed from the group.”

On the surface, this reads as a useful resource where one can find the necessities often difficult to find in such a small town, but when I first encountered Ruth, my experience was strikingly different. Let me provide some context, by quoting from my first screed concerning her, and the control freak complex, she fails to masquerade as communal concern:

“My initial quest for practical storage eventually led me to discover a page named “Grant County Goodies”, and it didn’t take long for me to discover that one of the page overseers was yet again, another pretentious quasi-Christian Trump supporter whose attitude was disturbingly similar to the person who had cast me out for experiencing my opinion previously.

And in an action that was not too surprising, this individual as well, when not boring the group with their arbitrary rants, was also posting content that went directly against the rules of the page that they themselves violated consistently. Sort of a “do as I say, not as I do” type of situation. This particular hypocrisy, in regards to word and deed, has also been alleged to be blighting yet another FB page that they run, that being “Silver City Reviews, Experiences & Recommendations”, which is supposed to be for the promotion of the local businesses in Silver City, but has sadly found itself at times, serving as a soapbox for this person to air their at times, allegedly skewed take on Reality.

When I look at it with a cynical eye, it’s almost as if Joel Osteen and Michelle Bachman had a baby, and as a christening gift, decided to bequeath an Empire upon it, whose legacy is founded in Facebook-disseminated ignorance.

Interestingly, when I was casually talking to one of my doctors about the GCG page and how I had found myself banned from it, they not only named the same admin who I had my issue with, they added: “Oh, that cow bans so many people from her bulls**t page for disagreeing with her, she might as well be Twitter.” However, while that was amusing, I forgot to mention one small detail: when I was discussing the page, I never mentioned her name.  At all. They just knew who it was when all I had said was: “I got booted off by some cowardly hypocritical bi**h””

And this, my loyal readers, was back in 2020, long before I had ever taken the first of several deep dives into what would be the swiftest of delusional slipstreams. And I can assure you, she hasn’t gotten any better, since she first crossed my path, as my previous scrawls have sadly confirmed beyond any reasonable form of doubt.

If Seawolf’s asinine antics were simply limited to nothing more than reaffirming as to why organized religion is thankfully dying on its proverbial vine, I would probably have overlooked them, if for no other reason than the fact that such activity is rarely self-sustaining. But Seawolf is that scarcest of conversational commodities that make writers such as myself, joyous beyond words, for thanks to an inability to keep her puerile proclivities under wraps for more than five minutes at a time, the jokes and observations to be made, literally write themselves.  

Especially when Seawolf is so magnanimous about providing the stones to smash the walls of her glass house. Say what you will about th8s hateful harridan, but at least she occasionally does think of others needs, even if she spends an inordinate amount of time whining about her own.

As I noted in the past snippet that I posted above, Seawolf’s personal approach t=o her social media infestation is “sort of a “do as I say, not as I do” type of state of affairs, and nowhere is this more obvious than in the rules that she posts, and yet, does not follow herself:In case you can’t read this grammatically flawed screenshot of the SCRE&E page, it states; 

“AS OF TODAY!!

Everyone is welcome to post your Personal Review, Experience, or Recommendation IF
1. IT IS TRUE.
2, ONLY AFTER YOU HAVE SPOKEN TO A MANAGER IN REGARDS TO YOUR SITUATION AND THEY HAVE REFUSED TO HELP WILL WE ALLOW A REVIEW TO BE POSTED THAT HAS A NEGATIVE CONNOTATION!
3. ANYONE FOUND TO BE POSTING UNTRUE STATEMENTS OR PICTURES WILL BE IMMEDIATELY REMOIVED FROM THE GROUP!

Lastly anyone removed from the group who retaliates by sending threatening messages to a person posting, commenting or Admin will be reported to our local Police Department., Thank You.

The First Amendment allows us to speak our mind and stand up for what we believe in. However the limits of free speech are rooted in the principle that we’re not allowed to harm others to get what we want.
That’s why we’re not allowed to use to speech [Great grammar, Ruth.]  for force, fraud, or defamation.

Also, this page is not enforced by a Governmental Entity, you’re free to leave at will.”

Before I shred this pile of overly smug sanctimoniousness, into the largest of hypocritical Cobb salads, I’d like to offer up my gratitude to whatever God of Writing placed it on my plate to enjoy, (looking at you, Hunter S. Thompson) and I swear by all that is unholy, I will not let this bounty go to waste. Unlike Ruth’s public education, and that spoiled cabbage she calls a brain.

Ironic self-ownership may not be a singularly specific trait whereas Seawolf is concerned, but I swear to her faux God, no one I know, does it half as well as she does.

This list of rules, other than being irrelevant, as Seawolf will ban people left and right on a whim for simply disagreeing with her, and that, regardless of the civility level involved, is also duplicitous as f**k, given her well-established track record for slander, threats, and the retelling of events so deliberately cherry-picked as to the actuality of what happened, she might as well be working the salad bar at a Sweet Tomatoes.

Like all good things that are about to commence, I’ll start at the beginning, and work out from there..

““IF IT IS TRUE”: This standard, brought to you by the very same person that accused Lady GaGa of being affiliated with, and I quote; “Satanic Worship!  Sacrifice! Blood sacrifice! Pedophilia! Hurting Children!” A shocking list of charges, which every major news organization on Earth, both Liberal and conservative, somehow missed. But I’m ever so sorry to interrupt you Ruth, as you were talking about the “Truth”.

“ONLY AFTER YOU HAVE SPOKEN TO A MANAGER…” says the woman who after talking to a manager, defamed Sunshine Coffee on the basis of an eventually rectified banking error anyway, and whom without talking to a manager at all, defamed what many have assumed to be Chaos Sandwich Shop, after a simple mistake caused Christzilla here, to receive the wrong sandwich order. There’s also another business that she’s gone after lately, for no logical reason at all, but I’ll be discussing that a tad bit further on down the road.

“ANYONE FOUND TO BE POSTING UNTRUE STATEMENTS OR PICTURES WILL BE IMMEDIATELY REMOIVED FROM THE GROUP!” Unless of course, you’re a page administrator as Ruth happens to be, and find it’s easier to ban people after they point out the stench of deceit that encircles you, as it were the emanating rot of what I can only assume, passes as your soul.

Now, all of this is the standard Seawolf subterfuge that we’ve come to expect from the most cravenly of Christian cows such as Ruth, but it’s her take on the First Amendment, that really displays the depth of her deceitfulness, if not her sense of entitlement to break the rules she deems mandatory. For while she postulates that; “the limits of free speech are rooted in the principle that we’re not allowed to harm others to get what we want. That’s why we’re not allowed to use to speech for force, fraud, or defamation”.

And yet, Seawolf does at least two of those three things, with such scheduled regularity, that Amtrak could use it as a hypothetical model to run its train service. When it comes to the First Amendment, it’s safe to say that Seawolf not only shows the same firm grip on it’s underlying construct that she has on the evidence that will one day convict Lady GaGa, she also manages to add an entirely unrelated analogical connection as well, which as any conservative pundit proves almost daily, is what the best of unaware idiots strives for:I’m not sure if any of you would agree with me, but in the end, you just have to admire Seawolf’s ability to take two disparate topics, on which she is willingly ignorant, and yet, using nothing save the sheer determination of her inherent density, manages to combine the two, into an as yet unclassified element of pure inanity. Since I’m aware that most of you don’t speak jabbering jackass fluently, I’ll do my best to translate this dumber than f**k query of hers into the common vernacular, if at all possible.

So… Seawolf, who bans detractors left and right from her social media fiefdoms, and who has publicly stated that while she believes that private businesses can enforce mask mandates, while simultaneously  bitching that they shouldn’t be allowed to treat anti-mashers “differently” or exclude them, has just seriously suggested that being booted off social media platforms for disseminating hate speech, false information, and maniacal conspiracy theories, is akin to the consequences of a deadly pandemic.

Shocking that this Rocky-Rhodes scholar who’s openly expressed anti-masking views and refereed to vaccine cards as “the Mark of the Beast”, allegedly came down with COVID, isn’t it?

I for one, never saw that eventuality coming, let me tell you. But I have to call things as I see them, and when you’re dealing with a thick wench even half as dumb as Seawolf seemingly presents herself to be, your explanations have to be as simple as they are, so here goes: When the two situations are compared side by side, and in equal light, it’s clear that one has the potential to kills a person’s over-imagined ego, and the other… ACTUALLY F**KING KILLS PEOPLE, YOU DIMWIITED DUMBF**K…

Imagine that. A concise elucidation for Ruth that didn’t require hand puppets resembling Jesus. Will wonders never cease? They may in time, but when it comes to missing the point as she beats a dead horse into dust, Seawolf’s lack of understanding as to how the world works, certainly never will:

To be fair, Seawolf accidentally does make a good point here, as terrorist groups have managed to weaponize the Internet as a tool for recruitment and the dissemination of propaganda, but she literally neuters it when she brings the “Commies” in as a second-string villain, as she deliberately ignores the fact that given the events of January Sixth, we could say the same thing about the GOP..

Interestingly though, she unintentionally on purpose, overlooks the reality of what she speaks about here as well- Trump not only had the Press Corp at his beck and call, but scores of sycophants spreading his message unabated, and if he had so wanted at that point, could have launched his sure-to-fail; “Truth” social platform site far earlier, to stay one step ahead of what he and Ruth wrongly conclude, was censorship.   

However, I do like Seawolf’s innovative solution that she cut and pasted here, for the non-existent problem at hand, that being; “Th church must PRAY”, because the very act of doing so, has worked out so well as a viable resolution for every other issue that the human race currently faces. Call me crazy, but something tells me that restoring the Twitter account of a morally perverse demagogue, isn’t going to be occupying a top slot on mythical God’s “to-do” list anytime soon.

But then again, your original source did spell “PRAY” in all-caps, so maybe, just maybe, your ever so imaginary deity, might get off his non-existent ass, and do something about it. Roll the dice, kids- what have you got to lose? Nevertheless, Seawolf wasn’t done exposing her imbecility just yet, and went into full End of Days mode instead, posting this paranoiac wet dream for all of us to enjoy:

All jokes aside, I myself, would pray for a media blackout, as I’m sick to death of hearing the mewling masses like Seawolf complain endlessly about events that have not, will not, and could never happen, unless of course, a fascism-supporting political party that recently burned books in Tennessee., and who tried to overthrow democracy by violence, ever found itself sitting in a position of supreme power, but what are the odds of that… you know… happening again?

Pretty good actually, considering that when Parler’s temporary exile from the World Wide Web-came in January 2021, it had a user base estimated at 15M, Unsurprisingly, the majority of these were alleged to be, based on the site’s posted content, Donald Trump supporters, conservatives, conspiracy theorists, and far-right extremists, some of whom had either found themselves expelled from conventional social networks, or were pugnaciously opposed to the rules and regulations said networks enforced.  

Standardized Parler content ran, as a rule, along the lines of debunked conspiracy theories such as the ones that followers of QAnon promote, antisemitism naturally, along with a smattering of racist tropes, as well as the “phobias” popular among amateur Neo-Nazis: be they xenophobic, homophobic, or Islamophobic. And don’t you worry, my chapped hands incels, Parler had enough misogyny on their site to make even perpetual virgins kike you, feel as if they were at their weekly RPG game, too.

You know. The type of content that only a true Christian like Ruth, could lovingly appreciate.

When information surfaced that Parler was used to coordinate the January Sixth insurrection, several companies such as Apple and Google, denied it access to their services, going offline when Amazon (late to the party of good as always) canceled its hosting services. Sadly, Parler resumed service on February 15, 2021, after moving domain registration to one owned by an American domain registrar and web hosting company, known as Epik.

On a side note, Epik is notorious for providing services to websites that host far-right, neo-Nazi, and other extremist content. It has been labelled as a anchorage for the far-right, due to its disposition to provide services to those websites that have been excluded from other Internet service providers. I won’t speak for you, but that doesn’t sound disturbing ta all, now does it?

No wonder Ruth feels allegedly at home there. It’s literally a conspiracy theory book club, but without the hassle of actually learning anything that’s fact-based. As to MeWe, the other site she refenced, it too, saw an upswing in popularity after Trump supporters started searching for an echo chamber wallpapered in ignorance, Unlike Parler however, MeWe wasn’t originated to be a platform for conservatives. It just turned into one, and greeted them with open access.

The alternative-reality surge for the platform came about after mainstream social media, started cracking down on the proliferation of vaccine misinformation. Many different types of conspiracy theorists, such as the anti-vaxxers, call the site home as it were, because if you’re going to a f**king moron, you might as well do so, with like-minded company. But there’s an unexpected twist: MeWe does have a large number of users who aren’t conservative.

Unlike the politically incoherent vibe mired within the swamp of Parler, MeWe hosts several different groups, ranging from music and art aficionados to animal lovers, and even some Green party activities, as well. However, the most active users on the site, much like the ones to be discovered within the mainstream platforms as well, appear to be the conservative fringe, who since the 2020 election, see it as an alternative to Facebook.

Think of it as Parler Lite, with half the calories, but all the tastelessness. Regardless, both of these companies are trudging along, despite Seawolf’s fatalistically stupid belief that the “Left” owns all the social media outlasts to be found; And once again, Ruth- if your faux God is really in control of all, then why are you worried in the first place? Just say a prayer to your sky-residing sociopath, and I’m sure, he’ll take out all of those lawless liberals your little Christian heart despises so much.

There’s an old maxim that says; “There’s nothing more dangerous than a wounded animal”, but this in and of itself, is not entirely true, for the most dangerous animal is, and I will happily quote Dora the Explorer here; “A healthy animal, for starters”, which when given serious thought, makes a lot more sense. I’d rather face an angry elephant with a limp, than one in fine form, any day of the week.

Fortunately for us, when Seawolf is wounded, or even when she’s in fine form, the best that she can do, is throw up on herself, and then, hope that her intended victim takes pity on her, as this post highlights:
Once more, Seawolf takes two entirely separate talking points, and crams them into her shriek-hole, as if she were a toddler going at a birthday cake. As I noted above, Parler wasn’t “banned” for setting its own rules, it was dropped by private companies after it was revealed that its platform had been used in an attempt to OVERTURN AMERICAN DEMOCRACY, which as a supposed American yourself, should be the thing that upsets you more, but obviously doesn’t, because you’re in a f**king cult of personality

A descriptive that, regardless of whether it’s Jesus or Donald Trump she’s been pleasuring herself to in the wee hours of the night, still applies. And as for Seawolf unironically slurring others who point this factoid out correctly as hypocrites? Well, it just serves as definitive proof to what my late Oma was fond of saying; “Whenever it’s appropriate, try not to talk about yourself at length; for others will do it for you the moment you depart.”.”

Every time Seawolf posts one of these asinine conclusions of hers, all I can think of,is that her Facebook page is where her sense of hypocrisy, personal victimization, arrogance, willful stupidity, and, paranoia, meet up for coffee and compare notes..

Every time Seawolf posts one of these asinine conclusions of hers, all I can think of, is that her Facebook page is where her sense of hypocrisy, personal victimization, arrogance, willful stupidity, and, paranoia, meet up for coffee and compare notes. Speaking of which, I can only hope their assemblage of such, is far better organized, unlike this mentally deficient tripe:

Yet again, our Child of God here, cuts and pastes another reference to websites (one being misspelled) that Jesus would n=most certainly, not approve of, due to their dredge of humanity content, and once more, alludes to an unnamed and insidious cabal, hell-bent on stopping free speech as we know it, despite the GQP literally attempting to do the same thing where books of all genres are concerned.

They say; “The South will rise again”, and maybe one day it will, but unfortunately, it won’t be in the areas where literacy and individual IQ points are under consideration that is, as the lack of proper grammar, spelling, and comprehension of what year we’re all currently residing in, as this one photo so clearly depicts. It also concurrently shows what happens when an orchard full of family trees, has no definable branches, but that’s a topic for discussion at some other point in time, I feel..

As to Seawolf’s so-called point regarding the projected shut -down of alternative social media, I’m not entirely sure just why neo-cons have this belief that all social media is owned by the Left, despite their ability to consistently, if not freely, post continual complaints whining about their being censored on all the mainstream platforms, but its not as if faux fatalists like Ruth, do the research necessary to back up their dystopian fantasies to begin with..

And please correct me if I’m asking a rude question here, but what exactly does Jesus have to do with any aspect of social media?

The last time I checked, there was no platform known as “Christbook”, and even if there was, the odds are fairly good that modern-day Christians such as Seawolf, wouldn’t follow any of its postings to begin with, given the fact that they don’t even do that with the collection of fairy-tales it would be based on, so maybe, they should just keep their sociopathic sugar-daddy out of the national conversation, for now, at least.  

Now, as I’ve noted in previous screeds, Seawolf aligns herself quite frequently, with opinions and activities that her so-called Faith wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, if she did indeed, truly believe in its tenets. She’s publicly posted that the insurrection of January Sixth was actually the work of outside agitators, not Trump loyalists, as has been proven, and inferred that people engaged in justified remonstrations, such as the ones that addressed the topic of police brutality, are the real criminals.

 This double standard, a common tool to be found nesting within Seawolf’s temper tantrum toolbox, led to her gleefully posting this unintentionally hilarious act of self-ownership:

I can only wonder, as one must, just how much of this draconian overreach against civil protest Seawolf feels should be applied to her fellow Trump cultists who subverted the process of American democracy for a few abominably dark hours on that fatefully sad day in our nation’s history, knowing full well just how dedicated she is to the concepts of both Truth and the Rule of Law.

Oh wait. My bad, I forgot. These rules obviously don’t apply when it comes to metering out earned justice to counterfeit American Christian Patriots, as they are to be used only against those who believe that equality under the law applies to everyone, regardless of skin color, or sexual identity. Silly me. For a moment, I foolishly disremembered where Ruth’s head is at most days- that being, so far up her own ass, that she can use her belly button as a viewing port.   

Observing Seawolf in her native habitat, its become quite clear that she views the world entire, as nothing more than a vast repository of fear, which is somewhat strange, considering how often she insists that as a daughter of God, she fears not a thing. I can only imagine however, how terrifying it must be for Ruth on a day to day basis, given statements like this, where she, once again, mixes up a batch of unasked for mewling margaritas, and serves them up with a twist of Trumpism, and a chaser of Heaven’s Gate rotgut:.I’ve said it before, and sadly, I must now say it again, but with all due curiosity; WHAT, IN THE ACTUAL F**K, IS WRONG WITH YOU, LADY?!? I don’t wish to make light of those truly suffering from the scourge of mental illness, but if there ever was a brain deserving of an electro-shock gift certificate, yours would be the first one I’d recommend for the VIP weekend package.

Normally, I would call this whole exchange insane, but given how nuts it actually is, I’m almost wondering if a new descriptive should be crafted in order to capture the purest essence of a mental defect that at this point, may require a medication regimen that’s only been used to treat the truly rabid and the wholly Republican. But then again, I repeat myself.  

So, in the interest of clarification, let’s recap her salient talking points: The all-powerful, all-knowing God can’t hear you with a mask on, disgraced former President Donald Trump did win reelection, despite the reality that he did not, it’s her “speaking her mind” that makes people call Ruth a drama queen, and not because what she says is so far gone, it might as well be aboard the Voyager spacecraft,

Fauci, masks, and Dominion voting machines are  frauds, despite no corroborating evidence being provided proving that shows they are, current and duly-elected USP Biden and VP Harris are imposters, and Trump is taking his rightful place… at some point, I guess, since the only place he’s currently inhabiting 24/7, is his fear of going to prison.

There’s also a personal admission that she’s in a cult, a notation that God gets to to be the one that nags us last, stating that Satan is up to his old tricks, sowing the very qualities that Ruth possesses and proudly displays on an almost hourly basis, and a plea that her fellow humans see with clear eyes, what is “happening” in our country, during these so-called last hours..

Yessiree Bob. This all seems quite rational, doesn’t it? And Seawolf’s untenable public position that it’s everyone she comes into contact with, who’s actually the problem, and not her? Classic. Always a classic. I do hope she’s careful with this overplayed gambit of hers though, as its so old and brittle, it could be classified as an irreplaceable antique. But fear not the impending darkness yet to come, my loyal readers, fpor Seawolf has some advice for us negative Nancys, and it is this:Remember what I said earlier above? “Ironic self-ownership may not be a singularly specific trait whereas Seawolf is concerned, but I swear to her faux God, no one I know, does it half as well as she does”, and If I may add a wry notation; “with quite the frequency she does, either.” Seriously. When is Seawolf not offended by something, if not everything, that doesn’t align within the parameters of her f**ked-up view in regards to what the world should be?

We all have some form of personal index that causes us some form of grief, ranging from mild to severe annoyance, but at worst, it’s supposed to be a laundry list, not a 27-volume set of the Encyclopedic Bitchtannica, as Seawolf has so willingly composed inside that rotten cabbage she calls a brain. Whether the subject at hand requires her to think about others, or to think about the consequences of her actions in relation to the same, the only thing that Seawolf ever truly devotes marginal thought to, is herself, and herself alone.

This opinion of mine, verified by Seawolf’s numerous online postings describing a litany of things that offend her, may have a semblance of validity on some level, but the majority, and I say this with supreme confidence, are at best, Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. An olive short of a pizza. Away with the fairies. Playing Canasta without a working deck. A few bricks short of a load. Nuttier than a ten-dollar pecan pie.

In essence, crazier than a Christian Conservative at a Hobby Lobby clearance sale, but without the joy of watching someone who deserves it, getting garroted with Washi tape. And how does Seawolf consider those who correctly chide her for promoting widely discredited theories so implausible that even the most ardent of Scientologists think her Thetans would benefit from psychoanalysis?  

Ladies and assorted gentleman, I present you with this:Keeping in mind that Seawolf’s own flesh and blood called her a cultist, and her response in kind, so-called, was to, and I quote directly; “rebuke her”, as if her familial were some form of demon, not only speaks volumes about Ruth’s relationship with reality, it also strengthens my supposition that her dedication to the lunatic fringe, is far stronger than the societal bonds one normally applies to their family and friends.

I’ve often held firm to the credo that like your friends, you can choose who your family is, but JFC, I’d like to think that my pool of potential candidates for the positions needing to be filled, wouldn’t make the family Manson come off as if they were the Brady Bunch.

As seen within the framework of her fearfully ignorant world view, Seawolf has taken offense at literally everything under the sun, ranging from being accidentally overcharged for coffee, to the reality of her own hypocrisy being called out repeatedly, and it’s a pile of inanity that only seems to be increasing in size, as time marches on. And even when Seawolf does call attention to a serious topic worth discussing, she still manages to make it tie in with the other non-issues she’s conflated into Battle Royales.

Case in point:The reason why “they” don’t go door to door Ruth, is because that’s not how the Law, or even criminal investigations into supposed crimes, occurs. For someone who’s compared being politely asked to shelter in place as nothing less than Nazism, I’d assume you would have a grasp on that, but as it is with most issues that you address concern over, as usual, you have not the simplest of f**king insights as to how the inside mechanism actually works

And before you feign offense at this assessment, Ruth, let’s all just take a minute to remember that the lecherously perverted President you still support, once did this, in regards to the procurer for a well-known pedophile who was at one point, a close associate to Seawolf’s masturbatory mango man-crush:

Irrespective of who you are, what your believe, or even what your educational or social status level may be, I’m still confident that even off the cuff, you could have come up with a much more measured and sane response to a reporter’s valid question, then by wishing the assistant to an avowed pederast,  the best of luck in relation to their long overdue meal of justice being served up ice-cold.  

Seriously. Who the f**k does that? Just a person with a long history of sexually deviant actions and utterances, would be my guess. Along with the fact that Trump has been connected, either personally or professionally, to no less than five alleged pedophiles, that being Jefferey Epstein, John Casablancas, Tevfik Arif, George Nader, and Roy Cohn, his administrations track record for prosecuting sex traffickers, (coincidentally, I’m sure) is significantly lower than the one set by his predecessor, Barrack Obama.

This, according to a report from the Transactional Records Access Clearinghouse, based at Syracuse University, After climbing steadily under President Barack Obama, the number of federal prosecutions against child sex traffickers dropped after Trump took the reins of power, going from a peak of 277 in the year 2016, to a low of 180, in 2020.

Shocking to think that that a man of virtue such as Trump, who’s made lewdly inappropriate comments about his own daughter for years, and who pays porn stars for sex, wouldn’t have the same Impact on the sex trade, isn’t it? I guess the theory put forth by QAnon and its followers, about his being recruited by military generals to run for president in order to break up a cabal of Satan-worshiping pedophiles, might not in the end, hold any water, after all.

Imagine that.

But I’m sure Seawolf was gong to address this flaw in her logic, right after she gets to the bottom of why hot dogs come in packs of 10, and their respective buns, come in lacks of 8. I’ve always been curious about this myself, so I did some basic research, and discovered that, according to the National Hot Dog Sausage Council, or the NHDSC for short; “Sandwich rolls, or hot dog buns, most often come eight to the pack because the buns are baked in clusters of four in pans designed to hold eight rolls.”

So, not only is there a council in charge of this sort of stuff, I’m guessing I now have to apologize to the Lithuanian community at large, for my years of claiming that they were behind it all along.

See? I’m mature enough that I can admit when I’m wrong, unlike Seawolf, who seemingly has made both a cottage industry and a dedicated hobby out of her being consistently so. Let’s be fair- even a broken clock can manage to be right at least twice a day, so it’s not like Seawolf deliberately picks fights based on her forcibly faulty convictions r just to have something to be mad about, right?

Well, let me just say now to all within reac,h that;

Sure, as a self-declared Christian, Seawolf could expend her energy on actions that by their very existence, would help a wide and deserving swath of the populace, but to be fair, engaging in hypocrisy and allegedly slandering those who disagree with her, really does eat up a great deal of her free time.

Sure, as a self-declared Christian, Seawolf could expend her energy on actions that by their very existence, would help a wide and deserving swath of the populace, but to be fair, engaging in hypocrisy and allegedly slandering those who disagree with her, really does eat up a great deal of her free time.

In her view, and this I can only assume from observing, well… everything she does, a cartoon series, clearly aimed at an adult viewership, was apparently worthy of a histrionic harangue that once again, she had to cut and paste, because when it comes to thinking for herself, Seawolf’s train of thought, is just as useless as vocal lessons were, to Milli Vanilli.

And no, I’m not apologizing for that reference. Once written, it stays in the act forever.

So, what animated collection of heart-warming and truly comforting, tales that were composed specifically to instill societal values into people via the construct of a morality tale, drew Seawolf’s ire? That would be no less than the iconic Grimm’s Fairy Tales, of course!  But my descriptive pales in relation to the posted petulance itself, so here for your perusal, is yet another sampling of how Seawolf spends her time, when she’s not obsessing over never being elected Prom Queen:

On the surface, this series sounds traumatizing as hell, but here’s the rub: the stories in their original form, contained a stepmother cooking her stepson into a stew, and making her unsuspecting husband eat it, a girl who has no hands, because her father cuts them off, a woman who gets thrown into a barrel full of nails, an evil queen who is forced to wear burning hot iron shoes, and dance until she falls dead upon the ground, and a mass-murdering dwarf, before modern culture turned them into Disneyesque classics.

And in an unforeseen twist, the initial tome featured an unsanitized version of “Rapunzel,” where our heroine finds herself knocked up by her rescuing prince, after the two spend many days together, having in-depth discussions concerning what I can only assume was in regards to proper hair care and tower maintenance… or so I’ve heard.

Therefore, the ‘shock’ displayed by Christians regarding the true nature of these stories, is laughable at nest, considering the Brothers Grimm first edition of such, dates back to December of 1812. Despite the fact that each episode begins with a warning as to the content contained within, and which was dismissively marginalized by Ruth’s source as ineffective, to be fair, it is portrayed more comically than graphically, but is still relatively dark, nonetheless,

But when compared to the book of Bronze-age fairy-tales that Seawolf claims is the cornerstone of her life, are they really as evil as Rith’s exit buddy for the Rapture, makes them out to be? In a few words, that singular answer is a most empathic “No, they are not”, although their combined attempts at deflecting the disingenuousness of their alleged offense, is quite impressive., as is are the faux histrionics the writer of this tripe manages to emote from inside the security of her ivory doublewide.

I particularly enjoy how even though she claims to be disgusted at the series content, she still watched it all, in order to “warn” us all about stories that have been in consistent circulation for over 200 years, and amazingly has yet to lead to a child being emotionally scarred for life, unlike the ones Ruth forced into her kids craniums that make them believe they’d be doing an eternal breaststroke in a swimming pool full of fire, if they didn’t follow an archaic list of ten arbitrarily enforced rules.

In the end, which disseminated work has proven far more destructive to Mankind overall? The book where children eat a house of candy and burn a witch, or the book that “justifies” discrimination against the LGBTQ community, reduces women to being no more than birthing vessels, condones rape and incest under the right conditions, and has been one of the most consistent wellsprings for international and regional conflicts for centuries?

Granted, the imagery presented on screen by series creator Netflix, is at times, a tad bit unsettling, but as I and the writer of this idiocy noted, it is addressed beforehand, so fair warning, and all that, However, as graphic as her list of things she’s seemingly baffled by is, let’s take a moment to list the scores of true abominators that are catalogued in the so-called Good Book that as soon as her kids could read, was put into their hands as well as their heads.

IIn no particular order, the Bible contains the following atrocities, several of which, the writer of this op-ed expressed sneer horror at seeing in the Grimm series, but as is true with most cafeteria Christians these days, moral offense all depends on the perspective you’re able to exploit, be it victim or enabler, but I have noticed, that when it comes to the inception of foisted horrors their mythical God says are cool, they don’t so much as bat an eye, or even question their implementation..

Examples of this mental hopscotch in action?; Well, as a start, Herod is killed by an angel for dishonoring God, and subsequently, being eaten by worms, Ananias and Sapphira struck dead because they lied to the Holy Spirit, the apostle Paul i stoned, shipwrecked, whipped, and beaten numerous times, his fellow believers are also beaten, flogged, tortured, and literally sawed in half.

God drowns the world entire in what may just be the ultimate Karen moment, smites Sodom and Gomorrah from the face of the Earth, an innocent woman is forced to marry her rapist, encouraged acts of Genocide, such as the Israelites being slaughtered by the Levites, John the Baptist, finds himself beheaded, mentions of sodomy, rape, and the murder s of Abel and the firstborn, to boot.

In addition, a royal concubine is dismembered, as is a disrespectful slave, Jephthah honors God by sacrificing his daughter, multiple depictions of sexual violence against women, angels pour out bowls of God’s wrath onto the earth causing suffering among its people, turn the seas as red as the blood of a corpse, thereby killing everything that lives in it, ending with the sun scorching all the remaining people who don’t repent, and I won’t even begin to describe the gruesomeness of the act of crucifixion.

But whatever you do, make sure to keep your kids away from the Tele-Satan when they return home from the Sunday school where they’ll eventually learn all this stuff, as you don’t want them to be desensitized, and all that Jesus jazz. I swear to mythical God, if these people make it any easier for me to mock them, I just may have to buy them something nice, to show the depth of my appreciation.

Perhaps I could buy them a second book for their home, but since this this one would be full of actual facts, and devoid of pop-ups, the odds are probably good that much like the first book that they claim to follow but obviously don’t, it may just get skimmed for the highlights, and then, find itself abandoned on their bedside table to act as an unintentional drink coaster.

Speaking of drinks, I could really use right about now, as dealing with Seawolf’s continuing hysterical hubris, literally makes me want to replace most of my blood with tequila, which on the upside, might be somewhat of a boon, in regards to better understanding her alleged thought process. I mean… everyone has the right to be a goddamn idiot, but boy oh boy, has she been abusing the privilege, or what?

So, on that note, let’s take yet another break, and when I come back, I’ll introduce you to the seemingly unethical eunuch that enables Ruth, by ignoring her territorial transgressions, chat with a few members of her not-a-fan-in-the-slightest-club, and dive even deeper into her past history of Releasing the Karen upon my local community, by maltreating the good-willed nature of the people who reside within it.

“I have a practical suggestion for all you Drama Queens… sell your crown, and use the money to get some much-needed counseling.” – Anonymous