Wayne Michael Reich

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The Art of Gerry-slandering. Pt.2 (Do You Fear What Lies Fear?)

“Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.”  
– Ralph Waldo Emerson


Salutations, Bitchiteers!

It’s yet another glorious day here within my Lair of Snarkitude, and things are clicking along as if they’re a fine Swiss timepiece: the birds are singing, the Sun is shining, the clouds are extra puffy, and since I just got my Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator back from the shop, let me assure you all, that once I get it hooked back up to the ol’ Intergalactic Death-Ray Cannon that’s been patiently waiting in my back yard for months, the planet Uranus is gonna be literal toast.    

Nothing personal of course, I’m just really sick and tired of all the mispronunciations in regards to how you say its name. The correct one of course, being “YOOR-un-us”, and not I repeat, NOT, “YOUR-anus”.

As I said, it’s truly nothing personal, but after 50 years of hearing its moniker routinely mangled, on top of finding out that it smells like rotten eggs, due to its atmosphere being comprised of hydrogen sulfide, helium, methane, and some small traces of water and ammonia, I think that we should just nuke it from Earth, reprint the posters and science books, re-do the classroom models, and pretend it was never a thing to begin with.

And if we can’t do it for my benefit alone, then let’s do it for every underpaid and overworked grade-school science teacher, who has to listen to all of the jokes about it, come every beginning of the Fall semester.

Speaking of public education, the challenges it currently faces, such as the reduction of its infrastructure budgets and the repeated attacks upon its curriculum have all been the result of a campaign of focused harassment directed by agenda-driven Conservatives, who’ve in tandem, undertaken an effort to ban books, legally bar minority studies from being taught, and are at this very  moment, literally rewriting established American History to suit their own machinated purposes

Singularly, such actions would at best, possess a debatably negligible influence upon the societal aspect of our intellectual culture, but when assembled collectively as they have been, their amalgamation of asininity has rapidly managed to mutate our once semi-intelligent nation, into a mentally-bereft mecca for these of the MAGA muttonhead persuasion.

As you well know, I write somewhat consistently about the academic mendacity of such persons, and while it can be great fun for all involved, save for the subject why is the focus of such, it’s also quite the terrifying glimpse into what a morass of gathered mental illness can publicly present itself as, along with the repercussions that it can deposit within the psyche of those who already lacked the skillset inherent to truly objective critical thinking.

As I said, on the one hand it can be a lot of laughs, based on the simple joy of sarcasm at the expense of others, but as a supplementary construct, it can trigger an accordance of primal fear that strikes at the very center of our primeval lizard-brains.

To note, when it’s a free willing exercise in arrogantly pathetic inanity, it looks like this:

But when it all goes metaphorically South in a Deplorable basket, this is what we’ve sadly come to expect:

Sightseers” everyone, enjoying an under-promoted moment of the purest of “mostly peaceful chaos’, as described by the perennial histrionic hemorrhoid that is FOX News self-admitted lying demagogue, Tucker Carlson. However, if I were inclined to utter a few words in Carlson’s limited defense, I’d note that it’s not like he’s been trying to rewrite the history of any other abominably dark days in American history…

well, not as of yet anyway.

However, today’s screed subject, the previously written about Gerry Catinari of Sacramento, CA, does virtually nothing else, when it gets right down to it. In fact, his ability to be a jackass beyond compare, has easily allowed me the wherewithal to amass the following amount of research material, in concern to his uniquely dumb as all fuckery takes on almost everything firm politics to conspiracies, and the trove is massive:  

With no hyperbole involved, his file may just be the largest singular data cache that I’ve ever assembled centering on just one person, and up until the time he eventually “blocked” me, it showed no end to the slowing of its expansion. Keep this in mind if you would: between the initial publishing date of my last screed and the beginning drafting of this one an exceedingly short time-span later, Catinari added NINETY-TWO postings, in varying shades of puerility, inanity, and ignorance.

That’s a level of posting only seen in twelve-year-old TikTokkers, and angry White men with an assumed IQ of 12, such as the aforementioned Catinari. Now while he does strike me as the perfect analog for what a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Kooky-Dough-Conspiracy-Caramel would taste like if it were made from morons, he does represent a unique case study in regards to what I referenced above.

That being, what would it look like, if you knowingly took a mental affliction, and then optimistically granted it unfettered internet access?  Given all that I’ve collated and observed in regards to Catinari’s dumber than a drunken Kardashian take on realty and all things encompassed by it, I’d have to foster an educated guess that it would look exactly like this:

This sort of delusional and wretchedly asinine theory-spinning crafted out of political desperation and wishful thinking, is the main reason just why not only are you not allowed to construct a family tree that resembles a tumbleweed, but why posting your wedding with Incestry.com, to inform all of your immediate relatives as to your need for a nice toaster-oven, really isn’t the intellectual flex that you think it is.

So, despite Trump’s grafting, self-admitted episodes of sexual assault, his incompetent mangling of the Federal pandemic response, his abusing the authority of the office to go after his political and personal enemies, be they real or imagined, his multiple attempts to illegally influence the results of a free and fair election, and the thankfully failed insurrection that it inspired, none of that actually counted for anything?

Yeah, that totally makes sense. The “real’ reason why Trump was twice-impeached, internationally disrespected, openly jeered, publicly reviled, and eventually FAIRLY voted out of the chair his fat ass never should have been allowed to occupy, in light of the cultural; carnage that he caused, was, because “they” were covering for a person that up until the election, most Americans had never heard of.

Even better, is Catinari’s assertion that the aforementioned yet anonymous “they”, were worried about being exposed by a man with such great intellect that he, and I swear to mythical God that I am not making this up; kept staring directly at the sun during a solar eclipse until told not to do so, claimed that “nobody knew that healthcare could be so complicated“, and in addition, once gave a confused political speech about people having sex on boats to an audience of BOY SCOUTS.

He publicly suggested to scientists the possibility of killing the virus via the injecting of people with UV light or disinfectants. Then, after finding himself hospitalized with COVID-19, same said “stable genius” released photographs of himself signing blank pieces of paper as proof that he was still “working”, and in relation to a national disaster regarding Puerto Rico, said that a hurricane was “one of the wettest we’ve ever seen, from the standpoint of water“..

Let’s also not forget that he embarrassingly saluted a North Korean general, bragged incessantly about repeating the simple phrase “person, woman, man, camera, TV” as if he had delivered the modern-day equivalent of the Gettysburg Adress, reiterated multiple lies about the number of people at his weak-ass inauguration, and when once asked what he was thankful for at Thanksgiving he said….


And this narcissistic cretin was the one that “they” feared would be their evil machinations undoing?

It’s one thing to be dumb. But when you’re this goddamn stupid, they should just lock you in a room wallpapered in bubble-wrap, and water you every now and then, if only for the good of your long-suffering community, held-as-hostages-family, and alleged friends. Speaking of which, let’s meet one of Catinari’s only allies in his ever-continuing quest to embarrass himself in public, his heterosexual life-partner, Steve Laux:

Normally if I were dealing with actually intelligent people, I’d suggest that “class attracts class”, and leave it at that. However, in this case, watching these two attempting to play off each other in their two-person circle-jerk-as-a-straight-line, is cringe-inducing at best. Especially when Laux, after watching Catinari blow his Neocon nut-juice over every surface that he can aim at, steps in as Catinari’s allegorical squeegee mop:

I’ve often heard the phrase that “Birds of a feather, flock together”, but I never realized that it also applied to those people who are truly “bird-brained”, as well. I guess you do learn something new every day after all. That is, unless you’re a gullible simpleton, such as Catinari seems to be. This man of few letters and even less coherent thoughts, swallows’ conspiracies much in the same way that Jenna Jameson’s mouth once did for the random penii of on-screen pizza delivery drivers.
Along with a chance variety of plumbers, firemen, and bosses. That woman had truly dynamic thespian range.

Interestingly, while Catinari and Laux are ideologically connected at the hip, their style of attack is somewhat differing, as we shall come to see. Whereas Catinari seems to prefer applying the act of cravenly deflection, (that is when he’s not running away) Laux is obviously the one who considers himself to be an Alpha, despite the blatant reality that he’s the guy who goes and gets the Beta-Cucks their coffee.

Take for instance, this exchange, wherein Laux eventually displays his true character, in regards to the as yet unknown-reason-why suicide of the prominent billionaire financier Thomas H. Lee, who was once heralded as the “Envy of Wall Street”:

Lee was found dead in his office bathroom, with a single gunshot wound to his head, with his Smith & Wesson revolver lying next to him. No foul play is suspected, and Lee’s suicide has been described as “shockingly unexpected” by those who knew him well. And while Lee did have strong ties to the Democratic political hierarchy, there is no current wave of “Democratic suicides”, as Catinari without evidence or contextual accreditation, inferred.

Political suicide perhaps, by not taking a stringer stand against the fascist wave that is the currently guiding the GQP leadership, but real suicide? Not by a long shot, if you’ll pardon my tasteless pun. And speaking of tastelessness, here’s Laux’s ever so thoughtful commentary concerning the tragic death of someone he never met, never knew, and didn’t care about, until he read Catinari’s post:

Once again, the party of “Family Values”, “Pro-Life”, and “All Lives Matter”, shows us all, exactly who and what they truly are, and what they so proudly represent: hate, divisiveness, and a disturbingly sociopathic disconnection from their fellow humans, not seen since the glory days of the Völkischer Beobachter.

While Laux’s dedication to serving as an allegorical gimp for an obvious moron does say a lot about the strength of his loyalty, it also most certainly, highlights that much like Catinari, questioning the patently absurd is an ability that’s quite outside the scope of his intellectual reach. By way of yet another example, let us peruse Catinari’s smorgasbord of poorly presented mental offal, masquerading as a debate “point”:

Unquestionably, there are a few arguments to rationally explore within this miasma of paranoiac puerility, but as is Catinari’s way, anything that he doesn’t care to understand or bothered to engage in the merest research of, finds itself immediately pigeonholed as nothing less than a Machiavellian intrigue designed to deceive. A rather curious quirk of character, that I was more than happy to recognize out in the great wide open:

To his limited credit, Laux does somewhat nobly attempt to go down swinging, just like you’d expect a mentally-challenged Gibbon falling out of an unfounded Ivory Tower to do, but unfortunately, Laux’s application of sarcasm is really more of a verification of the frustration that he feels regarding his (and Catinari’s) consistent inability to ever win a debate using factual evidence, pulled from a credible source.

As I myself, have no idea what the impact of such failure must do upon one’s psyche, I would have to genuinely think that it must be vexing as all f**k. C’est la vie. Such is the path of the academically bereft.

Nevertheless, across the breadth of the conspiracy landscape, one of the main areas of deluded dissension that loons such as Catinari have most definitely overdosed on, is the Blue Pill parable alleging that modern-day vaccines are now a method of collective “control” over us all. You know, the society that’s so addicted to our personalized tech, that we barely take any dedicated notice of the existent reality around us to begin with?

With no due respect offered, I don’t fear Moderna or Pfizer, half as much as I fear T-Mobile cutting off my Google access. My snarkiness aside for this brief moment, it’s truly a fantasy so absurd, that even a gullibility-guzzling dipstick like Catinari wouldn’t dare dream to espouse it, and I say this with nothing less than supreme confidence:Goddammit. There goes yet another perfectly fine theory, concerning the intelligence of Humanity in general, right out the proverbial window. And lest we forget, those darn things are freaking expensive to replace. However; ignorance, even when bought at a bargain, costs far more in the long run, as these two posts attest to:

For the sake of clarity, I’ll address these two slices of loon-pie separately. First, the concept of a “cashless” society is nothing new, having been around since the first human traded valued goods for services, AKA; “bartering”.. However, the modern-day societal seeds were arguably planted in the early 1990’s with the advent of electronic banking and online transactional facilities such as Apple Pay, that serve as representative digital wallets. 

At the moment, the Federal Reserve’s official position regarding a cash-free financial system, is as follows: “While the Federal Reserve has made no decisions on whether to pursue or implement a central bank digital currency, or CBDC, we have been exploring the potential benefits and risks of CBDCs from a variety of angles, including through technological research and experimentation. As part of this process, we sought public feedback on a range of topics related to CBDC. The Federal Reserve is committed to hearing a wide range of voices on these topics.”

Now, there is a great deal to be said in concern to the pros and the cons of such a system, but I harbor serious reservations that Catinari given his proclivity for regurgitating falsehoods as if he were a vomitous parrot, has done even the barest modicum of research either way, in regards to what they may be. As it is with all overlorded conveniences, power and the abuse or dissemination of it, depends solely on the individual/s in charge of it.

Do I think that this type of system could be detrimentally applied if it’s placed in the wrong hands? Yes, for the possibility does exist.  But do I also believe that I should start running around screaming about how the sky entire is falling, just because an allegorical leaf landed at my feet? No. Mainly because unlike Catinari, I don’t live in a self-created dystopian world so fearful, it causes me to cast suspicion on all that I see.

Addressing Catinari’s second meme in concern to the two drugs that Trumpanzees latched onto like a Kardashian does with bad spousal choices, the data in regarding their overall ineffectiveness, was clearly stated from rather early on, when the C19 pandemic was juggernauting along. According to the FDA, Ivermectin is approved for human use to treat infections caused by some parasitic worms and head lice and skin conditions like rosacea. Currently, data does not show ivermectin as being effective against C19.

Disturbingly, many of the mental midgets that Catinari aligns with, when faced with an inability to get the version of Ivermectin designed for human use, started taking large quintets of the version formulated specifically for, [wait for it] HORSES, instead. A decision that even the Lord of Natural Selection, Darwin himself, was caught off guard by.  And that dude hands out multiple awards for human stupidity every year.

Several deaths and severe complications naturally followed this rash of inane conclusions made by the highly uneducated, because as it turns out, a drug manufactured for a 1200lb animal tends to be a mite bit too strong for the far-lighter creatures that ride upon its back. But what of the other drug Catinari mentioned, that being the immunosuppressive drug known as Hydroxychloroquine, you may ask?

Well, the hews there is just as bleak. According to a report released by the FDA, serious heart rhythm problems and other safety issues, including blood and lymph system disorders, kidney injuries, and liver problems and failure, were noted in people who had been using Hydroxychloroquine, and the drug itself showed no benefit for decreasing the likelihood of death, speeding recovery, or displaying any ability to kill or inhibit the virus that causes C19.

And yet, Catinari’s pissed that the powers that be stepped in to dutifully quell both the drugs’ usage  and the misinformation that was responsible for the easily preventable deaths and long-term physical harm that were arising from such? What absolutely detestable bastards these people must be, says I.

It’s almost as if they believe that they have the responsibility to protect the public from themselves, as if they were tasked to be the sitting Government or something. Oh, wait. Scratch that. Because not only are they the Government, that’s literally the obviously implied definition of their chartered obligations to us, their citizens.

Catinari though, being somewhat more than your average cultist, isn’t about to let a few pesky details such as truth and accuracy, get in the way of his groundless qualms that he and his fellow Neocons are the target of collusions. both malevolent and ingrained. So, when flying the banner of anti-vaxism fails to catch emblematic collective fire, there’s always the pennant of culture-war politics to shelter under:   

Say what you will about Catinari, and I most certainly encourage you to do so, he’s definitely a guy who fond of the mendacity medley mashup, that’s for sure. And all of the classico are being played here: absurd conspicuous, unwarranted victimization, and of course, the ever-expanding scheme to set-up Donald Trump by using the nefarious tactic of exposing everything that he says, and everything that he does.

In order of debunking: no, the FBI did not pay Twitter 3.4M to “silence” Conservatives, and even far more indigenous is the fact that Catinari’s post disingenuously amalgamates two distinctly disparate occurrences in rider to cloud the actual issues at hand.

Documents released by Twitter’s current owner Elon Musk, show not only that the FBI flagged Twitter accounts the agency believed violated Twitter’s terms of service, (an action that any registered Twitter user can do) they also revealed that shows the FBI paid Twitter $3.4 million for Twitter’s processing of information requests the FBI made through the Stored Communications Act, which has NOTHING to do with said reported accounts.

Nowhere within the document cache, is there any discussion or demand that information be censored, Conservative-themed posts or accounts be taken down or suspended, or the requirement that any firm of content moderation be applied unequally to those users or accounts of the Right-leaning variety, either.

The documents however, do illustrate the company’s internal pondering about how to handle the Hunter Biden’s laptop story, how it handled the restricting of high-profile right-wing accounts that vitiated the TOS, which in the end, also included the former President, self-admitted adulterer, liar, grafter, and attempted insurrectionist, Donald J. Trump, as well. And once again, NOWHERE is there any mention or demand from the FBI that specific accounts or their postings be suspended or banned outright.

In addition, the internal certification shows that the information requests for which Twitter received said FBI-borne compensation refer to requests for data such as public or “protected” tweets, a user’s direct messages, the email or IP address allied with said account/s, or even the creation date of the account itself, and all of this, only under the clearly defined auspices of the Stored Communications Act. via the form of legal court orders such as subpoenas and warrants.

You knew, documentation that unlike the majority if Catinari’s fever-dreams, can actually be verified? Interestingly, Federal law also dictates that Twitter (and ither like companies) is entitled to compensation for the cost of constructing or conserving such data, to boot. But yeah… this exceedingly well-documented series of occurrences, is still all part of a deeply well-entrenched conspiracy, nevertheless.

As for Catinari’s rejoinder about the “woke” journalists who were temporarily banned for a week until the public outcry became too loud for Musk to ignore, I’d point out that for a so-called proponent of “Free Speech”, as Musk has remolded himself to be, banning said journalists whose only transgression was accurately pointing out his blatant hypocrisy in regards to such, served only to validate it as Gospel, and not as the hearsay that both he and Catinari wish it truly was.

This of course, now leaves us with one last false claim to disprove: the assertion that Pelosi’s staff “coordinated” to stop additional security from being sent to the Capitol on J6. Considering that Tucker has claimed that J6 was a day of ”mostly peaceful chaos”, and Catinari, that the persons involved were “set-up” to do so, an absurdity that I will discuss down the road in a bit, then I must ask this simple question:

Ii you knew that J6 was going to be either peaceful, or the initial step in setting forth a nefarious plan to turn the incident into political prisoners as Catinari pathetically propagates, wouldn’t you make it a specific point to either reduce the risk of an over effective security protocol creating unnecessary conflict or getting in the way of your plans, just as a precaution?

In other words, wouldn’t you have planned for a bare-bones security detail, rather than what was already pre-set in place? Seems strange that the Deep State would roll a “Valkyrie” type plan into motion, then blow it in the last ten minutes before its implementation by forgetting such a key detail, doesn’t it? But what do I know? I’m German, and we as a people, tend to learn from our crucially obvious mistakes.

Well at least by the second time, anyways.

Sadly, for Catinari’s claim of cabal-fomented malevolence, the Speaker of the House is not in charge of Capitol security. That responsibility falls upon the Capitol Police Board, which oversees the US Capitol Police and approves requests for National Guard assistance, as well. In addendum, Pelosi also cannot affect who is appointed to the Board, which consists of the House and Senate Sergeants at Arms, the Architect of the Capitol and the Chief of the Capitol Police.

In fact, not only are the Sergeants at Arms duly elected by the demonstrative political entities that they represent, they must also be confirmed by their said particular chambers, and even the Architect themselves, must be Congressionally dually confirmed to their position, as well.

Former US Capitol Police Chief Steven Sund, testified before the Senate in February of 2021, that Pelosi had no involvement in the security decisions made ahead of January 6, and that he approached both Sergeants at Arms on January 4, to request the National Guard via an Emergency Declaration from the Capitol Police Board.

And even Bee Barnett, director of communications and programs for the U.S. Capitol Historical Society, has stated that; “No one person oversees USCP — the oversight apparatus includes representation from the Architect of the Capitol, the House and Senate Sergeants at Arms, as well as committees from both Houses of Congress,”

So as usual, Catinari, as well as his “source”, is full of unadulterated horseshit, in regards to the veracity of both his clam and the existence of those supposed E-mails that even Google has yet to discover.

A brief aside for my newest BFF: As a noun: RESEARCH [1] Studious inquiry or examination. Especially; investigation or experimentation aimed at the discovery and interpretation of facts, revision of accepted theories or laws in the light of new facts, or practical application of such new or revised theories or laws. [2] The collecting of information about a particular subject [3] Careful or diligent search.

As a transitive verb: RESEARCH [1] To search or investigate exhaustively.[2] (intransitive) To engage in research.

Glad I could threw in the assist Gerry, because it seems that you consistently need one when it comes to the act of separating your paranoid fantasies from easily definable if not  transparently discoverable, reality. As you may have surmised, although while Catinari has the capacity to scour the web for erroneous partisan pretense, in tandem it also appears that he has no idea how to distinguish what’s obviously verified from what’s blatantly not.

Take this revisited example from earlier for instance, regarding the unexpected suicide of prominent billionaire financier Thomas H. Lee, where Catinari for whatever reason, felt the unnecessary need to expound upon his previously already superfluous “thoughts” in relation to a situation that he apparently didn’t bother to explore for one iota past his initial involvement:  

WOW! That IS something. Especially if “they” are saying that Lee managed to successfully commit suicide by simultaneously shooting and hanging himself at the same time. Even I find that suspicious as all get out. Or I would, if such a thing was the case to begin with. SPOILER: it’s not. But how do I know this for certain, you ask? To be fair, the circumstances for my certified knowledge are kind of embarrassing:

Yes. The answer is yes. You DID read that correctly. The article link that Catinari HIMSELF posted, not only says nothing about his explosive claim that Lee’s self-orchestrated demise was the end result of his dually hanging and shooting himself, it also clearly defines exactly what did happen, as I noted with an air of almost giddy amusement to my satisfaction, and Catinari’s later eventual annoyance.

In case you missed it still, Catinari literally just inadvertently displayed incontestable evidence that he hadn’t even bothered to read what he willingly posted as his rock-solid “proof” that Lee’s tragic and unforeseen death, was far more mysterious, if not wholly machinated, past those factors which I previously discussed earlier.

Sad to say though, this isn’t the first time that he’s done this sort of thing, and I dare say that it won’t be the last time either, as he appears to be a creature of cravenly habit, in concern to his apparently incessant need to undergo self-propelled public humiliation, as reinforced by this posting:WOW, WHAT A STORY! Or it would be, “if”… I’m sure you already see where this is going, do you not?

Beating all statistical probabilities, Catinari’s pudding-sharp instincts have led him yet again, to a clearly obvious bear trap, replete with a flashing neon sign that reads; “Don’t stick your spawn-hammer inside this, whatever you do!”, and yet he’s gone ahead and done so anyway, because the ever-so–not-awake mentally-disconnected powerhouse that is Gerry Catarini, isn’t a man who follows the herd of sheep, he leads them.

And in this particular case, that would be right through the openly welcoming dears of a slaughterhouse:

Is anybody else out there, getting the same feeling as myself, that Catinari was that one kid in his high school who had to be repeatedly told not to go bobbing for apples inside the confines of a deep-fat fryer?

Sadder still, is that it took me (according to Google) the total sum of 0.49 seconds, to discover that this story was indeed, 100% false.

The satire site that is the source of this fanciful tale, is known as America’s Last Line of Defense, which clearly identifies its online content as being patently fallacious, and therefore, not to be taken seriously on any logical level. In fact, a vist to their home page, reveals the following info on open display:

“Before you complain and decide satire is synonymous with ‘comedy’: sat·ire ˈsaˌtī(ə)r noun: The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, OR ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. Everything on this website is fiction. It is not a lie and it is not fake news because it is not real. If you believe that it is real, you should have your head examined.

Any similarities between this site’s pure fantasy and actual people, places, and events are purely coincidental and all images should be considered altered and satirical. See above if you’re still having an issue with that satire thing.”

Overall, that should be enough contextual clarity fir anyone whose brain still functions the way Nature intended it to,, but as we’ve seen, Catinari doesn’t place stock in anything that the GQP hasn’t cleared officially with Trump first. But even if you somehow missed that clearly defined caveat, there’s still plenty of obvious signs on the main site itself, that something about this story, isn’t quite right:

First off, there’s the circumstances of the subject matter itself: how in the name of sanity, would Milano supposedly “lose” 13M getting into a personal feud with the planet’s answer to what an allegedly racist and wholly narcissiic Marshmallow Peep might look like? Second, how dumb would you have to fucking be to honestly believe that the article’s author was actually named “Flagg Eagleton-Patriot”?

Catinari level obviously, would be my actually educated guess. This brings to mind a related query: if Catinari and his significant other have ever watched a porn film, did he also accept without question at that time, that the Christian-born name of the lead actor was actually indeed, “Rockhardt Steele”?

But the most obvious giveaway that this is a false narrative, is staring us directly in the face using the in-joke descriptive of  “The Dunning-Kreuger Times”.

For those of us in the know, “Dunning-Kruger’” (AKA “the D-K Effect”) is a cognitive bias whereby people with limited knowledge or competence in a given intellectual or social domain greatly overestimate their own knowledge or competence in that domain relative to objective criteria or to the performance of their peers or of people in general. Remind us of anyone in particular, say Gerry, perhaps?

And while it’s true that “Misery loves company”, apparently so too, does ignorance as well. Who knew?

I have no idea what occurred within the shifting energies of the Space-Time Continuum to bring these two singular dipshits together, but I do get the impression that somewhere in an alternate universe, their visages popularly inhabit toilet paper rolls, and are openly disparaged via highly insulting drinking songs.

And because Catinari’s sense of irony is as well-developed as his grasp on reality itself, he was probably unaware of the humor provided by his posting the below meme, directly underneath the one that I just debunked:

Nevertheless, I do know what you’re thinking right now: sure, Catinari seems to be a world-class ignoramus, or perhaps even a pustular pinhead of near-Olympian proportions, but certainly after finding himself embarrassed by his own misinterpretation, and then bamboozled by a blatantly transparent satirical story, there’s no way in all of New Jersey, that he’d fall for such a ruse again, correct?

To that, all I can say is that your unwarranted optimism regarding Humanity in general, is truly admirable:

WOW! WHAT A… oh heck, you know far too well what’s coming next, and it’s just as you’d expect it to be:

Sigh. It seems that yet again, and despite his being called out several times in concern to his willful inability to undertake the merest of competent research in order to certify any of his claims, Catinari got suckered. However, in his exceedingly limited defense, it was perpetrated by a disingenuous prankster of only the highest caliber. That being of course, THE VERY SAME SATIRE SITE that made him look like a devoted disciple of dipshittery, somewhat earlier before:

I used to once hold, and that with a great deal of personal reserve, the simple faith that that no matter how devolved in intellect that Humanity might become, that there would never arise a person so goddamn dense, that they’d try to lick the beaters of a hand mixer while they were still moving, but after dealing with the mental midget that is Catinari, I’m no longer sure about the validity surrounding this formerly jocular take of mine.

However, it would be quite rude of me to dismiss him fully as a barely sentient and walking rice cake, for after all, nobody is truly a cartoon. As the old saying goes; “Hitler was nice to his dogs”, and all that. But that maxim gets tested when you realize that the addendum of “right up to the moment where he shot one, and poisoned the other”, never gets discussed.

There are shades of subtlety in everyone and to everything, so for me to casually disregard Catinari’s overall intellect could be perceived as being rather arrogant, I think. Just because I uncovered with zero effort, a truckload of ignorance and personal gullibility, doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s quite the dullard, now does it? For that, I would need an incontrovertible piece of evidence from the Universe itself:

Holy fucksticks… he really is a goddamn maroon. I know that Steve Laux, earlier in his insipid commentary. referenced the supposed condition of “TDS” [Trump Derangement Syndrome] that Liberals are allegedly afflicted with, but for the love of Mike Lindell, this is actually what it looks like.

When your guy loses SIXTY-FOUR LEGAL CHALLENGES IN A ROW, and then attempts a coup, it’s way past the time and place where you should have gotten off the train. If you’re still flying the allegorical flag of a disgraced twice-impeached traitor as certification of your allegorical patriotism, I can assure you all that is so not the flex that you think it is.

I mean… Catinari still openly supports a liar, a grafter, an adulterer, a self-admitted attacker of women, a seditious lecher, a dictator-praising… oh, I’m sorry what’ was that you were saying?

Of course, we do. What with it being out in the open and all, but also because and Trump ever the wounded narcissist, literally can’t keep his yap shut about his crimes to begin with. And yet, all of these proven case studies as to Trump’s guilt across a wide spectrum of criminality, passes through Catinari’s intellect unblemished and undigested, as if it were corn passing via the colon of a two-year-old.

As it always seemingly is with Neocons, everything that they do or say, is motivated by hate. If you don’t believe me, just take a look at how many regulations that they’ve drafted banning books, classroom studies, women’s’ body autonomy, and the newest scapegoat, Drag Queens, but not a single line scribed in regards to inflation, skyrocketing feed and home prices, aiding the poor, or helping the disadvantaged.

But they do have plenty to say about payback for transgressions, both real and imaginary:

What a great message of unification and diplomacy, delivered courtesy of the bearded ball of pubic hair that is Ted Cruz. No offense to whomever is calling the actual shits within Trump World, but if you’re going to deliver a threat that you want taken seriously, I’d suggest next time that your champion not be a whiny-ass Beta-bitch, whose spine is gifted with the same tensile strength that Kraft granted microwaved Velveeta.

And as you’d expect, I did have to point that out to Catinari’s bright as a burnt-out-bulb intellect:

As I said, what motivates today’s GQP, is HATE. Regardless of the actions be they peaceful or otherwise, of whomever it is that they are targeting at that moment in time, craven conservatives like Catinari, are just spoiling for a fight, nevertheless. That’s it. In a nutshell. They don’t want positives societal change, so much as they want the comfort of their own self-created chaos.

And if there’s one overriding priority that they have firmly squared away in their so-called minds, it’s to paint themselves as the “real” Americans, and everyone else as seditionary agents, which in and of itself is hilarious, if only for the inadvertent hypocrisy barely disguised within its message of supposed offense:

Once again, and in order of density, let us flay this bitch-fest alive. with all of the mercy it does not deserve. First, America has a number of “socialist” programs in place, ranging from Social Security, to your local Police and Fire departments, so stop using a buzzword Gerry, that you don’t know the meaning of to begin with.

Second, in relation to the “shredding” of the Constitution, your treasonous ex-president said; “Do you throw the Presidential Election Results of 2020 OUT and declare the RIGHTFUL WINNER, or do you have a NEW ELECTION? A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution”, so maybe at this point of presenting yet another personal embarrassment, you should just seriously shut the fuck up.

Carrying on, no one has “opened the borders”, for if they had, I can guarantee you that every lawn in my neighborhood would look fantastic, and I’d be getting my morning Chai from one of the six taco trucks that would make it a point to park themselves outside my house, 24/7. They know where the real money is to be made, and that’s anywhere I am, when I find myself with a craving for chile relleno..

Down the road and in a future screed, I’m going to highlight your inherent racism, so for now, you’re just an ignorantly hateful bigot, and that’s all there is to say about that,

As we progress forward, there’s Catinari’s meme-claim that Leftist forces (I assume) are trying to “eliminate our history”, which as we all know is thinly veiled White Supremacy cede for “Them there Blacks are getting all uppity about our racist flags and statues of traitors again”. This level of tone-deaf hypocrisy common from the very same people who are currently demanding that African-American history not be taught in “their” schools, is priceless, if not entirely pathetic as well.

And since we’re already neck-deep in duplicity, why not go into its deep-end by addressing the meme’s whine that same said Lefties are “destroying our values”, as posited by the party that now lauds their indifference to misogyny, racism, homo & transphobia, antisemitism, greed, the suffering of sexual assault and gun violence survivors, as positives towards their building of a conservative legacy.

However, the last claim within this mentally-bereft meme, is truly the part that I like the most: “poisoning the minds of the next generation”, are we, Gerry? Do fucking tell:

Ahh… the joys of childhood. Is there anything more stereotypical of one’s youth, than the experience of being forcefully indoctrinated into a personality cult based in and on, the vilest characteristics of abominable human nature? Nay, says I. And if you think I’m being overly harsh here, just imagine this kid as a teenager, asking your daughter if she’d be his date for the Prom:

Quick show of hands? How many of you out there if you saw this kid on your doorstep, would circle him with salt and then scream bloody murder, until the services of an old priest and a young priest, could be successfully acquired?  Yup. That’s what I thought. I have no idea who this modern-day member of the Hitlerjugend is, but I can assure you that at least one of his so-called parents, is a goddamn awful human being,

Don’t say it. You think that I, with that mention of the Hitlerjugend, just violated the tenets of Godwin’s Law, don’t you? Well, I maintain that I didn’t.

For those of you who may not know just what “Godwin’s Law” is, [AKA: Godwin’s Rule of Hitler analogies] it is a declarative belief asserting that if an online discussion goes on for any length of noticeable time, someone will eventually as a rule, compare someone else to Hitler. Interestingly, the law is surmised of being applicable to tête-à-têtes about any imaginable topic.

And the reason why I don’t feel that I in good faith, transgressed said societal law? This abominable post:

Yup. You read that right. Catinari just compared the Holocaust to the mocking of MAGAts, and did so with a straight face. Metaphorically speaking, that is. For the record, the Nazis murdered anywhere from 15,003,000 to 31,595,000 people, with the average academic consensus diplomatically centering on the tally of 20,946,000 deaths in total.

Victims included men, women, and up to 1,000,000 of this number, were children. Others that were slaughtered wholesale on this notation of Man’s barbarism towards their fellow man, include the disabled and chronically ill, the elderly, POW’s, forced laborers, camp inmates, staunch opponents of the NAZI regime, homosexuals, and those of Jewish, Slavic, Serbian, German, Czechoslovakian, Italian, Polish, French, and Ukrainian ancestry, as well.

And none of these horrific numbers BTW, factor in the civilian and military-related deaths associated with WW2, either but it’s not like Catinari himself “gets it”, or that, to begin with. Maya Angelou said it best: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” And the first thing that I believe whereas Catinari is involved, is that despite its humble origins, it is possible to bestow life upon a discount-brand box of Instant Vanilla Pudding, after all.

Tell you what, Gerry: when MAGA supporters are legally excluded from holding political office, when their children are legally barred from attending public schools and universities, legally disenfranchised from their right to vote, legally barred from having sex with or being able to marry a non-MAGA supporter, or can’t be admitted to municipal hospitals, or find themselves required to register their domestic and foreign property and assets to the Federal government, or are forced to sell their business to non-MAGAts, then I’ll start to see that your cause is truly under attack.

When you and your ideologically paranoid ilk are forbidden to be treated by non-MAGAt doctors, or are denied a license to practice law for being a MAGAt, or are forced to comply with a decree that bars you alone from entering a cinema, a theater, sports facilities, and the like, then I might get in bed with your idiocy. If you are ever forcibly forbidden to enter designated “non-MAGA” zones, then I’ll most certainly apologize for implying that you’re an absolute fucking loon, whose blood has been replaced with Orange Kool-Ade, and your brain with a spoiled cabbage.

However, I’m still gonna make fun of you regarding your hat choices, albeit a MAGA one, or the standard tin-foil I think that you’re currently wearing now. And if and when you and your fellow MAGA morons wind up in a place that has a sign like this out front, after being deposited there by the Trump train, I can guarantee that…

…then and ONLY then, will you finally “get it” as to why blindly following an obvious fascist who placed you there when you no longer served his purpose, may not have been the best of your already limited ideas. And just in case you were wondering Gerry, the sign says “WORK MAKES YOU FREE”, which is sort of ironic, because so does thinking critically, and thus far, I haven’t seen you utilize any of that.

As I’ve showcased using Catinari’s own words and postings, Neocons such as he tend to be fueled by a corrosive mixture comprised of unwarranted hate, willful ignorance, and a bizarre psychosis in which they attempt (and usually fail) to play themselves off as being either the triumphant victor or the aggrieved victim of cruel fate, but ,one if my favorites is when they try to do both, and only come off as hypocrites:

May I note that Catinari’s use of a cartoon character that is the antithesis of all that he represents and believes in, is just yet another example of his disconnection from established cultural icons. The odds are that he only saw the message, and knee-jerked it’s hypocrisy into his posting schedule, because as I’ve clearly established, he’s reactive, not proactive. Especially where the area of self-created traps is concerned:

I tells ya’, some days it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. With an ICBM. And all of the fish were dead to begin with

.From my lips to the ears of mythical God himself, I swear that the only thing sadder than a Conservative attempting to claim the mantle of false victimhood, is when they endeavor to do the same in regards to being masters of the moral high ground, as well. I’m honestly not sure if I should laugh at the chutzpah of this, or be seriously concerned for Catinari’s already tenuous grip on certified realty, given its disingenuousness.

If you would Gerry, please remind us all which party it was and is, that burned books in Tennessee, banned a library’s worth in Florida, demanded without evidence or due process, the arrest of its supposed political enemies, introduced bills attacking the LGBTQ Community directly, passes laws allowing more guns to flood out streets and schools, once had a member refer to women as being no more than “earthen vessels”, and oh yes, attempted to overthrow established democracy when it lost the mist powerful seat in the land because its de facto leader is a treasonous man-child?

Because those cats sound like the type of persons that I’d openly classify as “the Bad Guys”. Just sayin’.

For all of his incessantly petulant whining about the injustice he suffers at the hands of persons who’ve  undertaken no such punitive actions against him, Catinari has forgotten the one basic rule that applies unilaterally to all of Humanity’s sins: It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways. No cabal. No Leftists. No Deep State. And no battalion of the imaginary Woke Warriors Brigade, either.

If Catinari needs to see the true enemy he must fight, then I’d suggest that he take a long deep look into a mirror.

To quote the character of Lucifer Morningstar from the graphic novel series, the Sandman; “Why do they blame me for all their little failings? They use my name as if I spent my entire days sitting on their shoulders, forcing them to commit acts they would otherwise find repulsive. ‘The devil made me do it.’ I have never made one of them do anything. Never. They live their own tiny lives. I do not live their lives for them.”

In essence Gerry, nobody’s treading on you, sweetie. So, suck it up, you delusional blubbercup.

Nonetheless, I can’t really place all the blame for Catinari’s cringe-inducing stupidity squarely on his shoulders alone, especially since they’re already overworked keeping that big block of granite that he wittily calls his head, from throwing off his balance. No, part of the culpability must be set at the cloven hooves of the “news sources” that he acquires his so-called “information” from.

Refreshingly, I’m not referring to any additional satire sites, despite his being quite fond of those, but to be fair, they only represent a truly infinitesimal portion of his daily diet of bullshit. It can be assumed that like mist nattering Neocons, Catinari trolls the standard low-rent Alt-Wrong websites looking for his daily fix of flatulent falsity, but as he’s also allegedly dumber than a tureen if dirt soup, he can’t even get that right.

Take for instance, these screen-grabs of the so-called journalism presented by the main website that Catinari employs to consistently embarrass himself in public, Whereas the stories themselves are obviously politically slanted to no one’s imminent surprise, it’s what they don’t possess, that should immediately catch your eye:

Did you catch it? And if not, how did you miss it?

Call me crazy, but I highly doubt that a knowledgeable and reputable journalistic media concern, would mangle the commonalities of proper grammar, as well as basic English, such as these so incompetently do. And when given that this is one of Catinari’s main sources for fueling his inane ideology, it’s pretty clear as to how he misinterprets the constructs of actual Reality, as he so often does.  

In my estimation, the validity of a thing as it actually exists, is inconsequential as to what Catinari wants it to be, regardless of whether he can prove it or not. And keep in mind, that this is a guy who gets body-checked frequently in regards to the veracity of his so-called proof of theorem. Catinari simply does not learn. Nit from his mistakes, which are multiple and consistent. Not from the corrections related to them, which share the same unity., and most certainly, not from the sources of his patently false or cherry-picked information, either.

And when his “research’ is taken into consideration, it’s clear that Catinari doesn’t get irony, as well:

This blatant cluelessness is so not much a glitch in Catinari’s mental matrix, as it is a permanently installed feature, and it extends far past just his missing the point of the obvious. as this example so clearly shows:

Once again, and with all the due venomous sardonicism i can muster, do fucking tell, Gerry:

Still though, Catinari is indeed actually quite special, whereas his fellow brethren that have come before him are concerned, as unlike the majority of those same said sad Neocons, Catinari is seemingly never educated about anything he obsesses about.

Say what you will about my previous allegorical scratching posts, as mythical Lord knows that I do, but at least I’m confident that the bulk of them can competently tie their own shoes without the aid of a diagram or a YouTube video. Regardless of topic, Catinari just wades in up to that sewer pipe he refers to as his neck, and spouts off whatever he just read on the interweb, as if it were the purest of Gospels.

By way of example yet again, may I offer up his unique take on gun central, unfettered by the confines of history, legislation, common sense, or a basic grasp on how grammar actually tends to work::

Now let me see if I got Gerry’s “point” correct. According to this meme, “Rights” are immune to the advancement of technology which is also in its own unique way, a measure of the passage of Time, as well. I could point out that when the 2A was initially written, the top rate for bullets being fired, was around three or conceivably four rounds in a minute, as the gun itself could only hold one round at a time.

Today’s modern weaponry, such as an AR-15, can fire 45 rounds per minute, but of it is modified with what is known as a “bump stock”, that rate can be terrifyingly increased to 400 rounds per minute, or more.

I for one, have no idea what Thomas Jefferson might have thought if he could have foreseen that down the road, gun violence would be the number one cause of death for children in America, but given the man’s documented nature, I can only assume that he would be horrified at just exactly who it is that so casually wields the power to wage a personal war at the drop of a red hat,, as they claim that they have the unalterable “right” to do so:

Until now, I never thought I’d ever see a photo that captured the very essence of “small dick energy”, outside one of Donald Trump doing virtually anything, but this one just has to stand alone as the all-time champion, hands down. Four handguns, and four additional clips are necessary for you to go and order a sandwich, dude?

Look. I know it’s called “Subway”, but that’s just an easy to remember brand-name intended for a marketing campaign, it doesn’t mean that you’re actually riding on the one located in the heart of NYC, where such an armory can at times, be arguably essential. But gun-cucks like the jackass above, don’t actually carry their alternate penii out of fear for their personal safety, but as a gambit to intimidate others.

Specifically, (and hopefully) gun central advances and the Unites States Government itself.

Take for instance, this melting Vanilla pudding pop, one Stewart Rhodes, who just so happens to be, the founder of an anti-government “militia” group called the Oath Keepers:

Rhodes, seen here describing just how severely his being afflicted with Peyronie’s disease has altered his physiology, was convicted of seditious conspiracy and evidence tampering with respect to the January 6 United States Capitol attack that he used as cover to attempt overturning a free and fair election with his fellow insurrectionists, and as you’d imagine he’s got quite the belief system to justify what he tried and thankfully failed, to do.

Asserting that the federal government is part of an evil conspiracy resolved to husking Americans of their Constitutional rights, extremists such as Rhodes maintain that the 2A is crucial to maintain the allegorical bulwark that keeps freedom-loving patriots such as himself, from being crushed under the hobnailed jackboots of a government that he and his ilk see as being nothing less than tyrannical in its nature, if not its design.

In fact, the very name of the organization hails from the oath of service taken by the military, law enforcement, and other first responders, and whether you previously served, are currently serving, or never wore the uniform to begin with, their belief in honoring that oath regardless of carnage or consequence, is key.

As you may have noticed, Rhodes is also wearing an eye-patch, which of course, is an indication that he at some point in the past, sadly lost his eye to some form of random and unexpected traumatic illness or injury, perhaps suffered at the inadvertent misuse of an official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock, and a thing that tells time:

As I said… “perhaps”.

Normally, this in and of itself, is not what I would consider appropriate fodder for any form of humorous commentary, and for me to even infer such a horridly unsympathetic response given my own present-day eyesight concerns, would be by all estimations and critical perspectives, abominable at its best. Except that in this particular case, the jokes that I would never dare make, wrote themselves.

Why is that, you ask?

Maybe because the manner in which Rhodes lost said eye, is worthy of some slight mockery, regardless of how sympathetic a person you may be, for as it turns out, this steadfast defender of both American values and an inherent desire to upend them on the marching orders of a madman, had the severely and unintentionally hilarious misfortune to shoot HIMSELF in the face, WITH HIS OWN GUN.

So naturally, he’s definitely not the living theorem as to why we have and require common sense gun control laws in the first place. Honestly, it’s a good thing this ass-clown never merited access to a flamethrower, for if he had, I can only surmise that all would be left of him to remind us that he was ever here to begin with, would be a large crater in a Walmart parking lot, and a smoking pair of slightly charred boots dead-center in the middle of it, after his attempt to scrape gum off of said footwear, went horribly awry.

But Catinari was attempting to make a point, and I do need to address it directly. His avowal is that just because Technology changes, as well as the times we live in, that doesn’t mean that our collective Constitutional rights change as well. An interesting declaration. A challenging cultural construct, if I may be so bold. Perhaps, even the most succinct of synopses that he’s offered up to us all, thus far.

Unfortunately, though for both Catinari’s ego as well as his “argument”, it’s also 100% pure Grade-A bullshit. Not only do our collective Constitutional rights change, they’ve done so with sporadic occurrence over our country’s history, due to the fact that as the Constitution itself is regarded as being a “living document”, the ability to amend it as cultural norms shift, remains a viable option.

And despite the detail that this has only happened 27 times in the 247-year history of our Republic, said amendments have greatly impacted our rights, as I’m about to explain for the benefit of both the layman such as yourselves, as well as the dumb-fucks like Catinari. who if they only knew how to Google, would save their immediate family a lot of regret for not encouraging the once strongly debated abortion to take place as it should have, all those years ago.

To kick things off and in order of their inception, let us review the key Amendments that changed the collective rights of our fellow Americans, an aspect of history that Catinari could have discovered for himself, if he only could figure out how to either correctly open a book, or an additional tab on his internet browser.

To kick things off and in order of their inception, let us review the key Amendments that changed the collective rights of our fellow Americans, an aspect of history that Catinari could have discovered for himself, if he only could figure out how to either correctly open a book, or an additional tab on his internet browser.

First up is the 13th Amendment, which abolished the legality and practice of slavery within the entirety of the United States. You know, the thing that once allowed Americans the right to own other human beings in the same way that they can now own a toaster oven? This amendment was ratified on December 6, 1865, but let’s not all forget, “Rights don’t change’.

Next up, the 15th Amendment, which guaranteed that any citizen of the United States the right to vote, regardless of their race, allowing said former slaves, a voice in their former land of captivity. It was ratified on February 3, 1870, but let’s not all forget, “Rights don’t change”. Following on its heels some 50 years later, the 19th Amendment granted women the right to vote, which finally allowed, in theory at least, some form of cultural equality between the sexes. This amendment was ratified on August 18, 1920, but let’s not all forget, “Rights don’t change’.

To the delight of many, the 21st Amendment repealed the 18th, [AKA: “Prohibition”] and allowed for the sale, manufacture, transportation, and public consumption of alcohol within the United States once more. It was ratified on December 5, 1933, but let’s not all forget, “Rights don’t change’. And then there’s the 26th Amendment, which lowered the voting age to 18, something that today’s modern Conservatives are still mad about, as before this, the voting age had been 21. This amendment was ratified on July 1, 1971, but let’s not all forget, “Rights don’t change’.

Oh wait… it kind if sort of looks like they do. Imagine that.

But as ignorance is far lighter in metaphorical weight than actual intelligence, Catinari is lucky in the fact that when it comes to backing up his talking points, he doesn’t have to work too hard to discover the intellectual heavyweights that lend credence to his asinine conclusions. That’s probably due to the reality that shit floats:

Lauren Boebert, everyone. A woman who, according to comedian Jimmy Kimmel, makes him think that “every time I hear her speak I expect it to turn into stepmother porn”.

In essence, she’s what Marjorie Taylor Greene might have been, if only she could have read what’s been written on her GED. And as this is yet another moron that Catinari relies on for forming his political introspection, I just have to ask the simplest oi questions: “How does Catinari manage to make toast every morning without gravely injuring himself?”

Seriously. I’m 100% truly curious. If anyone out there can formulate a solid guess, email it to me ASAP, because I really need to know. The 2A has always been a rallying cry for the Alt-Wrong, based on the several decades trolling red-meat whistle that “they” are coming to take “your” guns away, despite the fact that no such thing has or is currently happening within these here United States.

If anything as recent mass shootings have shown, the pall of gun restriction overreach, seems to be at its most lax point in years, something that Catinari himself, seemingly addresses with this particular meme, even though as usual, he has to amalgamate it with an unrelated topic, that being the scourge of opioid abuse:

Now, I could go on for days about e effectiveness of gun laws, but as all of that info is readily accessible on the Web, I’m not going to flog an obvious horse with the cudgel of Catinari’s inherent density.

However, I will note, that for all of their petulant posturing about wanting to reduce violent crime, Conservatives don’t seem to possess the faintest interest in eradicating its leading causes: devastating poverty, the lack of educational and economic opportunities, and the aftereffect of justice inequality, now do they? And as said slaughterfests have also proven, they don’t really give a damn about curbing gun violence, either.

Thoughts and prayers over active and effective legislation, anyone? Nevertheless, I will give Catinari some partial credit for being somewhat on board with the regulating of guns for once, just as the 2A actually mentions, within the verbiage that guntards tend to blatantly cherry pick whenever the issue of common-sense gun control is dared brought to the debate table.

For the record, while the 2A does say “the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed”, it also describes that such armament is for the specific maintenance of; “A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State”, which of course, these penis-lacking loons do not represent or protect, in any way, shape or form. whatsoever.

But as I said, let me give Catinari some partial credit for begrudgingly admitting that keeping guns out of the hands of potentially dangerous criminals, is a key beginning component in hopefully placing the bane of violent crime well on its way to becoming a distant memory, rather than what seems to be an almost daily occurrence.

And here I was, flippantly thinking that Catinari couldn’t see things for as they actually are, rather than how he wrongly perceives them to be. In fact, I’m kind if happy that I could throw Catinari this bone of graciousness, for it could possibly mean that maybe, just maybe, he’s not an entirely delusional…

… you know what? Never mind. He’s an absolute fucking moron, conceivably beyond all previous comparison. Verification of this assessment, as willingly provided by Catinari himself, comes in the form of yet again, another brain-dead post attempting to defend his absurd interpretation of the 2A. and as you probably guessed by now, his evidentiary “source” for such, is the same tad bit questionable media concern from earlier:

Read that again, if you would: ”AT THE TIME IT WAS ENACTED THE [I assume these illiterates meant the “2A”] APPLIED TO ALL TYPES OF ARMS”. Keeping in mind that as previously discussed, the fire rate of a then-modern-day weapon was at best, four rounds a minute, the belief that the 2A is somehow sacrosanct from the process of being amended at any given point in the far future, is patently ridiculous.

As I’ve oft-noted, the concept of a technologically-advanced society being held hostage to the mercurial precepts dictated by a Bronze-Age book of fairy-tales is insane, but then again, so is assuming that we have no choice but to live by the rubrics set on parchment by men who dressed in the manner of persons that some of their modern-day party equivalents, are now passing legislation against.

But leave it to Catinari, a dimwitted demagogue who routinely uses misspelled and grammatically incorrect sources of false and/or selectively cherry-picked information, to phone in the thinnest and weakest of arguments regarding a topic that he barely understands, much less could ever successfully debate:

Now if I were a betting man, I’d wager that it’s probably best to quit when you’re not ahead as a basic rule, but it’s becoming fairly apparent to me at least, that Catinari has ever heard of the maxim that suggests; “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and to remove all doubt”, sage advice which he seems unable to follow, regardless of how many times he crashes and burns because of his failure to do so.

Once again, I present a post that doesn’t provide the solid flex that Catinari thought it was truly going to do:

Well, this is odd. Gun rights got expanded in a country that already has 46 percent) of the worldwide total of civilian held firearms, resulting in an average of 120.5 firearms for every 100 residents. As well as the highest rate of children being killed by gun violence, and an unhealthy belief that owning one somehow makes you a suburban Rambo, and yet, the American crime rate doesn’t go down at all?

I’m sure that there’s no correlation to be found within any of these statistics, right? Faced with this information, I may have to modify my assertions regarding wherein the problem lies with Catinari’s severely limited intellect. I was originally thinking that the deficiency he possessed, had to be firmly centered between his ears, but now? I’m starting to give credence to the thought that it may also be between his legs, as well.  

I could easily point out once more, that according to the collected data available ,an armed citizen only stops a mass shooting event less than 3% of the time, but yeah… I’m sure putting even less regulations between overpowered ordinance and the inexpert hands of the same people who think that the Illuminati controls the weather as well as the Oscars, is nothing less than an absolutely smashing idea.

See: “Kyle Rittenhouse”.  But I did read that he’s a millionaire now, so maybe I should cut him some slack.

Speaking of granting paranoiac weapon-hoarding strangers some emblematic breathing room, one of the common ruses that guntards such as Catinari like to employ, is the argument that gun laws only “hurt” the law-abiding citizen, and not the criminal element that they’re (pardon the pun) targeting. And while nothing could be further from the truth than this, Catinari utilizes it anyway, albeit with a fresh twist:

First off, Gerry: no there were not, as current estimates range from the 2021 mark of 15.2 million hunting license holders, to a possible low of 11.4 million, due to the sport of hunting seeing a decline in its overall popularity over the last five years. The numbers that Catinari is misrepresenting here, seem to originate from a circa 2019 post on the Instagram website, and as is usual with examples of Neocon “proof”, it noticeably lacks the accreditation for just how it established those quantitative numbers in the first place.

And it’s also a worthless talking point, because the last time I or anybody checked the current stats, entire classrooms of our school-age children weren’t being slaughtered wholesale by those with a hankering for venison, nor is said carnage achieved using the standard armaments that deer hunters utilize to acquire their Sunday dinner, either. A reality that I was more than happy to address directly to Catinari:

Rubbish in, rubbish out, is Catinari’s stock in trade, and while it has served him well, if somewhat dishonorably, its also made it damn near nigh impossible for him to best any of his adversarial pundits, due to the realty that even when he actually does have a fact-based argument to draw from, he simply can’t help himself from tainting it with the inane ichor of his asinine ideology:

Dear mythical God. Reading yet another of Catinari’s never-ending false analogy amalgamations, it strikes me as to what must certainly happen after one insists on using a Q-tip, far past the point of its natural resistance. An opinion that I attempted to get across to Catinari, by way of my world-famous trademarked sensitivity:

See? I can be nice when the need for me to do so, arises. But as I close out this secondary facet of Catinari’s to-be-continued story-arc, I’d like to offer up this one last slice of his guntardian “logic’ that he clings to as if it were capable of making his being a walking example of Dunning-Kruger, far less relevant whereas he’s concerned:

Is there anyone out there, perhaps even a survivor of the Sobibor, Belzec, Treblinka, Chelmno, Auschwitz or Majdane death-camp system, that can clearly explain to this gibbering jackass YET AGAIN, exactly just why this analogy in relation to his not-at-all-equal-in-oppressive-severity-whining, is vile beyond all comparison?

For mythical Christ’s sake Gerry, the reality of one not being allowed to freely assemble an armory equivalent to that featured in a “Expendables” movie, is NOT the same as being the powerless victim of an actually documented government-sponsored Holocaust. Not to mention, there will never be a time or situation that will ever present you with even the metaphorical terror of such, you absolutely fallacious fuck-stick.


I say “kind”, because Odin knows, my using the term “smart” would be a waste of an adjective that will never be applied to you. However, my then-response to this idiocy, was far more diplomatic:

Sigh… stupid is as Catinari does, and the reservoir that he draws said ignorance from, is seemingly endless. You’ve heard of the Marianas Trench? Well, meet its immediate competition for what was once considered to be the darkest of depths. Now, I’m not quite yet done sharing Catinari’s flatulent fallacies, but I also think that as I’m presenting a topic that’s specifically toxic, maybe we shouldn’t dive in all at once.

Therefore, I suggest that we take a break for the moment, and when we return, I’ll continue wondering aloud just what kind of person would post something like this without shame ;

… seems flummoxed when he receives this in return, rather than the praise he so pathetically craves:

But hey, as the very foundation of teaching a lesson that actually takes root, is all based on the construct of the undertaking of baby steps at first, I guess that I can’t be too sympathetic overall, if the learning curve ahead for Catinari might be somewhat steep.

But rest assured, I’ll make sure that it’s going to be fun as hell to read.



“The seemingly most hateful, those on the front lines of despair, are mere instruments of sinister forces, which pull the manipulative strings of manufactured supremacy.” – T.F. Hodge


















The Art of Gerry-slandering PT.1 (Morons Away!)

“The emotional appeal of a conspiracy theory is in its simplicity. It explains away complex phenomena, accounts for chance and accidents, offers the believer the satisfying sense of having special, privileged access to the truth. For those who become the one-party state’s gatekeepers, the repetition of these conspiracy theories also brings another reward: power.” 
– Anne Applebaum, Twilight of Democracy: The Seductive Lure of Authoritarianism


Greetings, my loyal Bitchiteers!

How are you all feeling on this, yet another fine day on a progressively disturbing ball of compressed space dust, basalt, and Granite, wrapped around a molten iron core, spinning in an ecliptic orbit around a monstrously immense flaming sphere of hydrogen and helium held together by its own gravity?

And I might add, this is all occurring at an estimated speed of 67,000 miles per hour, or 30 kilometers per second, for you metric-leaning European readers, who at this very moment, are probably wondering where I keep my supply of name-brand Dramamine. Easy answer: it’s in the candy dish shaped like Milla Jovovich on my coffee table, and don’t worry about leaving me short, because I’ve got buckets to burn of the stuff, just waiting to go.

Now at this point, you might all be wondering why I have motion-sickness-pills laid out for guests as if I were a Walgreens’s, but the answer is simple: it’s because when you write about what I write, dealing with the type of people that I deal with, and then share that experience with others, they (and you) may suffer from the feeling that being strapped to the side of a Saturn V rocket, whose guidance control had been switched off, might be preferable to hearing anything furthermore about it.

As the old joke goes; “Some days, you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots. Other days… you realize it’s not only SOME days.” A theorem that I can assure you, is 100% dead-bang true. In my particular instance, and regardless of the day, I am always seemingly up to my neck in a never-ending surge of morons, buffoons, idiots, cretins, nitwits, boneheads, ignoramuses, and schmucks.

Also known as the archetype of both modern-day Conservative leaderships, if not their membership base.

But don’t take just my word for the collective lack of intellectual aptitude on the part of the GQP faithful, especially when I can just as easily let them prove it for themselves. Take for instance, this cluelessness of made flesh, courtesy of one Eileen Vaughn Glancy, who started off our tête-à-tête by informing me that due to my having a political view not based on groveling at the feet of a traitor, that we would “never be friends”, something I assume, that was supposed to crush my sense of self-worth… I guess:

Is it just me, or did you also enjoy Glancy’s protestation of; “I don’t know why you would call me a lummox, as I don’t understand what that ward actually means, nor do I understand that “cultists” and “friends” are plural descriptives as well, so let me look up said definition, and in doing so, prove your assessment beyond a shadow of doubt for anyone who may read this exchange later on”, half as much as I did?

If I may be so bold, I really do enjoy it when my casual use of a five-dollar word, seemingly stupefies those particular persons who at best, possess a dollar-store-grip on their individual intellectualism. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciate the lifting assist, Nancy. Much respect given.

However, such discombobulated dimwittedness, is par for the course, rather than the exception, whereas these possible candidates for a Darwin’s Award may be concerned, although such future accreditation all truly depends on both their personal ambition for achieving success, if not unfettered access to a poorly-maintained wood-chipper. 

Nevertheless, despite the examples set by intellectual ascetics such as Glancy, most of her fellow granfalloons, will never hit the depths of infamous inanity, either due to being just barely smart enough to not stick their heads inside their metaphorical whine press, or because the persons set in place around them are constantly running inadvertent interference on their behalf.

And then, there is the purest distillation of this conditional idiocy taken to the extreme, that being the MAGAts.

But what pray tell, is that, for these among you who may be (surprisingly) unfamiliar with this term? Well, according to the popular lexicon, a “MAGAt”, is a follower of the treasonous mango-man-child known as Donald J. Trump, and it translates literally via its use of disparaging slang as describing such a person to be a “Make America Great Again Terrorist“.

This is of course, a play on Trump’s “Make America Great Again” political slogan’s capitalization, although to be fair in concern to that descriptive, I honestly can’t imagine why that is:

Oh… you know what? Never mind. I totally get it now, I think. However, this is just one example of such behavior, and you can’t base anything conclusive just off of this singular instance, right?

Well, crap. There goes yet another perfectly good theorem, does it not?

I swear to mythical God, these bargain-basement insurrectionists crash and burn so consistently, that if you didn’t know any better, you would have to almost think that these incest-spawns of sovereign citizenry, were semi-professional Icarus cosplayers. Hence the not too inaccurate quip that “MAGA”  should in all actuality, stand for “Morons Are Getting Arrested”, as that seems to be their main group activity these days..

Speaking of which, I’d like to introduce our first asinine appetizer before I get to the main idiot du jour as it were. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce you all to one Michael Fouche, of Woodbridge, VA. Fouche, seen here waiting for the optimal moment when his two remaining brain cells have warmed up enough so that he can embarrass himself online with the fullest of concentration once more, is one of those aforementioned mentally-bereft MAGAts, and you can tell he’s a real patriot, because nothing says that better than posting vlogcasts that nobody watches, in front of the flag whose inferred values he doesn’t follow..

But wouldn’t you know it, not only is Fouche a guy who espouses conspiracy theories as being fact, he’s also a puerile proponent that those who were arrested for willingly participating in the abominably dark events of J6 are not fascistic insurrectionists, but “political prisoners”, being unjustly denied their due course under the laws of the constitutional republic that they tried (and thankfully failed) to overthrow:

Irony is truly lost on some people, is it not? What a sales pitch to the legal authorities: “Sure, I attempted to usurp American Democracy, but now I demand its protections as I await trial for being a traitor”, I won’t speak for you as usual, but the amount of chutzpah it would take to say this with a straight face, is either insane, or ballsy as f**k. Even better, is the argument that Douche (sorry, “Fouche”) makes here, claiming that said J6 turncoats were the poor innocent victims of a cabal that manipulated them into doing it:

Sigh… I’d like to point out, in case I wasn’t clear within my retorts, that despite three years of distance, not ONE J6 defendant has presented, much less proven, that any outside influence, save for believing in Trump’s several times debunked “Big Lie” about non-existent election fraud, prompted them to toss away their futures for a cravenly liar who if the tables were reversed, wouldn’t condescend to piss on them, if they were on fire.

And the fact that Fouche who’s supposedly a veteran, signed up willingly to be on this demagogue’s team, is appalling beyond belief. And I say this, as a person who has not a single jingoistic bone in his body. My country has a myriad of problems, but at no point in time have I ever drawn the conclusion that the best way to solve the issues inherent with its democracy, would be to install fascism in its stead.

To clarify, there were no insidious elements directing the tragically disgusting events of J6, outside of Fouche’s traitorous brethren, and that’s it. No “false flags”, no “Deep State”, and no “Black-uniformed Illuminati” either, just in case Fouche the douche here, decides to throw that on top of the pile. Just a bunch of incestuously gullible dumbf**ks, acting on the commanded whims of a mango-man-child, whoa by the very grace of mythical God, should have been hung by now for the damage he’s done to this country

However, in Fouche’s overview, the laws of the land that he wishes to see under the rule of the Norsefire Party from “V for Vendetta”, are meant for others, and as such, are in no way applicable to those he aligns his morally-decaying ideology with. Take for example, his stunningly hypocritical take on Trump’s illegal possession of classified documents which he initially refused to return, versus Biden’s unforced compliance regarding the same:

Demanded adherence to earned consequence, is one of the top most irritating things that Alt-Wrong dumbasses such as Fouche absolutely despise, but ironically, it’s also one of the first defensive gambits that they’ll throw out at Liberals when they find themselves cornered, and that occurrence, usually by their own argument. For a party that claims incessantly to be all about “Law and Order”, they don’t seem to care for it too much when its gaze is turned upon them.

Newsflash, Neocons? If “it” was wrong for my side to do it, it’s still just as wrong when your side does it, as well. But as it is with most things complicated, there are some key differences at work here in regards to this issue. All of which if I may note, Fouche somehow avoided addressing.

I’m sure that was an accidentally deliberate oversight on his part, and therefore, not hypocritical at all

In overall situ, Fouche is yet another pathetic cog in the molding machine that produces run-of-the-mill vanilla vanguards, and as is true with such persons whose inner cream filling is comprised of paranoia and ignorance, he sees enemies everywhere, and in tandem, a government that wants him left defenseless against such:  
What our paranoid pudding pop is referring to here, is the announcement made by then-acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker in December of 2018, that the DOJ had amended the regulations of the BATF, clarifying that “bump stocks” were to be defined in the future as falling within the Federal definition of being a machine-gun.

Why was that, you ask? Well as it turns out, the inclusion of such a device in relation to a semiautomatic firearm, allows an incessant firing cycle with a single pull of the trigger.

See the problem now? If not, then you might just be a Conservative who earnestly believes that you as a rule, should have the capability to cosplay Columbine or Sandy Hook, at a moment’s notice. As the late comedian George Carlin once said; “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that”, and then envision that demographic blessed with the ability to spray carnage tin the same manner that Fouche spews inanity.

Speaking of which, heir’s another prime cut of Fouche’s general density, wherein he somehow manages to combine the aforementioned gun rights issue with the Alt-Wrong battle-whine that the majority of social media platforms are silencing Conservative voices. This is a declaration that I find to be somewhat odd, considering the proliferation of particularly petulant postings I see concerning this self-invented problem:

If I were a true cynic, instead of the optimistic misanthropist that I tend to  be, I might point out to Fouche here, that multiple studies have proven that the very construct of Conservatives finding themselves exiled to the allegorical Gulag of social media, is pure bulls**t:

Other than the fact that private companies such as Facebook, Twitter, Tik-Tok, Instagram and the like, are NOT subject to the governance of First Amendment, they also have clearly defined (more or less) codes of conduct that you willingly agree to when you utilize their platform’s outreach. But you have to admire just how dedicated Fouche is in regards to the Alt-Wrong’s claims of false victimization, nevertheless.

Following that line, Fouche’s over-dramatic avowal that “millions” have been “caused untold pain” by their supposed inability of not being abler to access his archive of goddamn density, is quite possibly, one of the most vainglorious things that I have ever read, and his only other commotion was the modern-day equivalent of Narcissus himself, Donald J Trump.

I mean… seriously dude? Don’t get me wrong, as I’m known for patting myself on the back, but unlike you, my right arm isn’t two feet longer than my left, from my consistently doing so.

On average Mikey, the same three people comment on your posts as if that were their job, and the only pain that they truly endure, is knowing down deep, that much like you, they’re politically impotent. But yeah… “millions” have been denied the intellectual joygasm of hearing you spout upon subjects dusted with your blend of crackpot conspiracies, ideological irrelevance, and your mundane mediocrity.

Better still, is Fouche’s bizzarro intermixing of vaguely stated minority and feminist-based issues supposedly inflicted upon both by democrats, a 70’s sci-fi cultural reference, the issue of bump stocks yet again, and a misrepresentation of an FTC action r-that was brought against Facebook, the end result of which was FB achieving a $1 trillion market cap, after the FTC antitrust complaint was dismissed.

While it’s been obvious from the start of Fouche’s story-arc that critical thinking is so not his forte, it also appears that same ineffectiveness of logicality, extends to his storytelling as well. I’m sure that there was some point that he was trying to make Initially when he started typing out his drivel, but I believe it got lost on the way to his seemingly illiterate fingers presentation of it.

Obsession however, is a demanding mistress, as proven by this three-days-earlier rant/post of Fouche’s, which I can only assume, given its inability to stay on a coherent tangent, was a warm-up note of sorts for the former that I just discussed. Say what you will about Fouche’s ability to be a brain-dead douche, but at least he’s unswerving in his public utterances of mental obesity:

I’m not sure what I truly appreciate more here- Fouche’s flow of no-consciousness ramblings, or the fact that he felt the need to individually number them, as if he were preparing an exceedingly crucial to-do list for whomever this nattering nincompoop was hoping to inspire with this love-note to a future court-ordered psychiatrist.

As I said above, obsession is a demanding mistress. Especially when she refuses to give you the respect that you know down deep, that you don’t deserve, and never will earn.

At his (and their) core, Fouche and his fellow MAGAts are bloodthirsty for esteem, hence their addictive dependence to circle-jerk rallies, the repetition of political slurs, devotion to an odious ideology, a hive mind mentality, and the incessant need to proudly draw a negative reaction from everyone within their purview, as if they were a Vegan, a Jogger, or a CrossFitter, walking into a Los Angeles Starbucks.

While Fouche and his cravenly cabal are indeed wretched in their thoughts, words, and deeds, the one area where they truly slither through the mud, is when they attack those that have in no way, harmed them at all. Previous victims of these societal assaults, include women, African-Americans, and as always, immigrants both naturalized and undocumented, but the new punching bag scapegoat as of late, is the LGBTQ Community, as evidenced by Fouche’s calumniously bigoted post below:

A few minor issues I’d like to address in concern to this testament to homophobic mendacity, if I may. First, the LGBTQ Community is not, I repeat, NOT a collective of sexually perverse degenerates akin to the leadership of Fouche’s chosen political party, and second, it’s fairly obvious that he also has no bloody clue what the act of “bondage” essentially is, because I can assure you, that this quite literally, is so not “it”.

However, let’s take a moment to consider the amount of time that that Fouche, a self-inferred “straight” man, had to personally invest in tracking down this image via a targeted internet search, and then after finding what he required, devoted a few additional minutes more crafting it into a pointless Facebook post, just so that he could let us all know how normal he is, by way of pictorial comparison.

Yup. Nothing there to psychologically unpack. Of that, I am certain. After all, I’m sure it’s a perfectly rational thought process that renders the future challenges of a tragic event regarding a toxic spill that threatens the safety and well-being of a small community, into a targeted attack on a societal one that has nothing to do with either the said event, or anything in regards to it, at all.

Naturally, I just had to comment- if only to satisfy my own curiosity as to why any of this was even presented:

And off course as you might expect, Fouche retorted, but not in a way that came across as the dynamic “flex” that he was obviously  hoping it was going to be.

A small caveat, if (I may: when you’re of the danced age that Fouche most certainly is, referring to yourself with anything other than your actual name, sort of gives the inference that you’re in the process of auditioning for new sugar daddies. Just saying.

Thus far, Fouche has been an odious hors d’oeuvre at best, but as I want to take you to asinine pastures far more moronic, I feel that it’s time that  I end his callous contribution, with one last posting of his that shows us all just who Fouche really is, as well as highlighting the hate-driven political entity that his so proudly represents:

In case you have forgotten, this pathetically tasteless “joke” comes at the expense pf Paul Pelosi, the elderly husband of former Speaker of the House, Nacy Pelosi, who was attacked in his home as he slept by a hammer-wielding assailant. Pelosi, who managed to survive the cravenly assault despite suffering a fractured skull and serious injuries to his right arm and hands, then became the subject of a gay-themed smear campaign by the Alt-Wrong, who while decrying political violence, actually commit most of it.

Fueled by the same inanity that drives Fouche’s ideology, this deplorable incident where an innocent man was almost murdered, is now considered prime fodder for humor in the mentally-bereft sphere that is the MAGAverse, and if anything, just goes to firmly cement in the collective consciousness, just what a goddamned jackass Fouche really is, and what he and his party have now offer the arena of civil discourse.

Venomous stupidity on tap, served as lukewarm as their intellect and sense of Humanity.

Being a terribly ignorant if not spiteful human, and then taking unwarranted pride in it, seems to be a requirement for any lummox that wants to be a card-carrying member of Cult 45, and I must say, that in the 13+ years that I’ve been writing as the “Artbitch”, no one has ever done it quite as proficiently or as proudly as my newest upcoming scratching post, whom I will name in a moment.

This barely sentient, deception-huffing, cowardice-channeling, knuckle-dragging shell of amalgamated human pudding skin and hubris, has it all. And when I say that, I most certainly mean it. Let’s run down the ol’ ideologically Conservative bingo card, shall we? Conspiracy theories galore? The Illuminati says yes. Racist diatribes? Got that white. Anti-LGBTQ sentiments? No friends of Dorothy here.

And don’t you worry, we’ve got the standard misogyny, political ignorance, infantile paranoia propagandist news “sources” and the implied threat of Alt-Wrong valence as well to balance out the metaphorical deck, because if you’re going to be a walking stereotype, you might as well go all the way in, right up to that sewer pipe you wittily call a neck.

It’s almost as if the Writing Gods themselves, looked down upon me from the lofty heights of Mount Vonnegut, and decided amongst themselves that I needed a muse equal to my snark as well as my ability to weaponize it. And boy oh boy, did they deliver the goods with this one, let me tell you.

But before I begin gnawing on my newest of chew-toys, I need to start us off with both a disclaimer and a definition I’ve deemed necessary for the War of Words that I’m about to fire the first shots in, and they both relate to the descriptive adjective of “slander”.

To note, Slander is defined as; ”the utterance of false charges or misrepresentations which defame and damage another’s reputation”, or as; “a false and defamatory oral statement about a person”. As someone whose writing specifically address the flaws of humanity that serve as my story silage, this designation and I have a tenuous relationship at times, hence the reason why, I always make sure that I can solidly back pl what I infer or directly say with incontrovertible evidence.

The reasons for this are twofold; in regards to the first, I loathe disingenuous writing, as I find it to be a cheat of sorts, if not intellectually lazy. Shock for shock’s sake, and all that jazz. And second, if I ever have to go to court over something I’ve written or publicly implied I want to walk out the way I waked in: correct, respected, and infused with an attitude of badassery on temporary loan from Anthony Bourdain himself.

To directly quote the great man himself: “The essence of cool, after all, is not giving a fuck. And let’s face it: I most definitely give a fuck now. I give a huge fuck. The hugest. Everything else—everything—pales. To pretend otherwise, by word or deed, would be a monstrous lie.

So, with this declaration placed out in the open, understand that what I’m about to say based on my most definitely giving a fuck, is that the person that I introduce to you now, one Gerry Catinari of Sacramento CA is, in my opinion, a fully-accessorized simpleton of the lowest caliber.

This valuation I can assure you, will prove itself as being one-hundred-percent true as it is currently certified within the citadel of my own experience, backed up by nothing less than the veracity of Catinari’s soon to be reviled, own words,

Now, if I were the type of person that found myself tempted to use far less gracious terms to define said Gerry Catinari of Sacramento CA, I might be far more inclined to pronounce him as being an absolute fucking idiot, whose overall intelligence could be debatably guesstimated as being somewhere between a urinal cake, and a gallon of the fluid that provides the crucial reason for its very existence.

However, because I just so happen to be most certainly not that type of person, I’ll take the high road for now, and carry forward with the work at hand; that being the sharing of Catinari’s stunning stupidity with the world entire. Or at the very least, my very small and snarkerific slice of it.

But why is such action necessary, you ask? Surely, if Catinari is as big a scheißkerl as I claim that he is, and that I with any luck, will verify him to be, then why bother with him at all? Sure, the possibility does exist that given enough time, he might gravely injure himself by attempting to open a pickle jar using a blowtorch, or by accidentally allowing an original idea to errantly pop into his otherwise unprepared brain, but why leave such a hopeful occurrence to the whims of mercurial Fate?

Certainly, it would be easier. It would most definitely be less stressful. But it also wouldn’t be nearly as fun for me, and that’s always the deciding factor whereas how I ascertain exactly what type of implement that I’m going to use when thinning my garden of allegorical pinheads. Albeit pruning shears or a tunnel boring machine, the selection really depends on just how deep down the idiocy set in bloom before me, has rooted itself.

And therein lies why I do what I do. At this point, I believe it’s fair to say that the stereotypical Liberal approach of appealing to one’s Logic and/or Humanity, simply doesn’t work when you’re facing a cultural adversary who no longer possesses either to begin with.

Being mewingly passive, being unnecessarily diplomatic, willing to accept unwarranted compromise, and playing Devil’s Advocate to the conceptual underpinning of what Free Speech should and shouldn’t allow, is what got us collectively here in the first place, and the only way we’re going to heal the heart and the mind of this country, is if we cauterize the cancer at its’ source: that being the wellsprings of Ignorance, that persons such as Catinari, represent.

I may not be able to win the war against such dimwitted disciples entire, but I sure as hell can cripple some of their soldiers that arrogantly venture onto the societal battlefield, and that’s a fact. Play time is over kids, so lace up your anti-fascist boots and go stomp some allegorical NAZI’s, because mythical God knows, they’re just chopping at the bit to do the same to us all, when they’re finally given the legalized permission to do so.

One point of clarity though? While I in no way, shape or form, wish to imply that Catinari is indeed, himself a NAZI, as “Godwin’s Law” and all that still applies, but the fact that they seemingly use the same dry-cleaners, as well as their tandem in supporting the same political candidates, should probably be kept on the back burner, to boot. As I said, I’ll be using Catinari’s own words and social media posts to bolster my ill-regard of him, and thank Titivillus for once, that there’s quite the selection to choose from:

One-hundred-and-five-megabytes. Over 800 files. And all of it, classified into groups and then additional subgroups, within fifteen separate topic folders; these being:
(1) Conspiracies: General, Health., Political, and “Wackadoo”.
(2) Hate: LGTBQ, Misogyny, Racism, and Violence.
(#) Politics: Anything that’s politically-based that doesn’t fit into the subcategories above.
(4) Social Issues: Abortion, Guns, and the Media.

Keep in mind BTW, that this gaggle of inglorious asininity was effortlessly compiled in just under three months, at a rate of acquirement averaging out to about 20 minutes a day. Catinari may just be, up to this particular point in time, the singularly most obsessively self-owning Neocon nimrod that I have ever written about hands down, and that’s saying a lot, given the strength of competitive field that he’s up against on an hour-to-hour basis.

New, for the sake of clarity as well as your sanity, I’m not going to address all of his sub grouped stupidly in one go, as the sheer amount of it needs to be disseminated in small micro-doses, much in the same way that one might build up a tolerance to say, Arsenic or a new album by Nickelback.

However, I also want to give you a taste of just who Catinari appears to be, and just how his inadvertent role as an abstract, much like Fouche the Douche above, verifies exactly why I see him as being as one of the worst of us. So, to end this latest screed off, I’m going to present just one genius assertion from each of the main group folders, and as this story arc advances in the next pieces to come, only then will I bungee-jump into the rabbit hole in which Catinari’s pathetically wretched psyche resides:

First up, a gem from the Land of the Intellectually Lost, and this one’s a doozy, proffered by a doofus:

I’d like to note that Catinari didn’t refer to Rodgers here as a “player”, but as a “play” instead, which is appropriate, given Rodger’s already well-known penchant for sticking his foot so far into his mouth, that he can give himself a pedicure simply by brushing his hair.

Rodgers, who is literally the reason why the NFL maintains a helmet usage stipulation, has previously floated “theories” about 9-11, “chemtrails”, Inner Earth, the allegedly faked moon landing, COVID vaccines, and yes, even the lunacy that reptile-people hybrids, are an actual thing.

And yet, Catinari wonders aloud why people think football payers are “dumb”? For the life of me, I can’t figure that one out, as not only am I a reptile-person-hybrid whose very blood is the essence of the COVID vaccine, I also own a lovely summer cottage deep in the heart of Middle Earth, just outside of Gladden Fields.
Moving on to the “Hate” folder, but staying with the sports-related theme, here’s a delightful slice of misogyny pie, aimed at United States Women’s National Team star, Megan Rapinoe:

In case you deliberately forgot as Catinari most certifiably has, not only is Rapinoe, a far better human being than he himself will ever be, she’s also far more accomplished, as well.

Not only is she a three-time Olympian [2012, 2016, 2020]; who has taken the Gold as well as a Bronze, she’s also won two Women’s World Cups [2015 and 2019] awarded the title of 2019’s Women’s Player of the Year by the Fédération Internationale de Football Association, and designated by Time Magazine as one of the most influential people of 2020, to boot.=

By the way, did I forget to mention that she’s also the only female soccer player in American History to be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor? You would think that Catinari being a true American, would appreciate having someone like this representing “his” country, but as she’s also openly gay, I guess we can overlook such accolades, if only to soothe his snowflake as fuck bigotry.

Next up, the one area where Catinari’s bulb of low intellect, may just possibly glimmer the dimmest: the world of Politics. This arena where he fancies himself as the Lion, and not the Lion’s lunch, is also where the majority of his idiocy, hypocrisy, and conspiracy theory, and general falsehoods are based. but for new, I’ll just share this blatantly unaware take on America, sans its actual History:

I’m guessing America is pretty great”, says the guy who openly supports the democracy-usurping insurrectionists of J6, and who with that one sentence alone, disavows Jim Crow laws, 400 years of slavery. Inherent racism, the continuing scourge of income, educational, and occupational inequity within the minority class, as well as their limited voting access and the problems of gender inequality relating to personal body autonomy, and let’s not forget the ongoing attacks against the LGBTQ Community, but yeah Gerry…

… I guess America is “pretty great”.

Thankfully, we’re almost done with this initial tasting menu showcasing Catinari’s war against all things verified, and capping it off, is the seasonal refrain of unfounded victimhood that we’ve all come to rely on as if it were the airing of “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”. Except that in this case, the allegorical problem at hand is both imaginary and self-serving, much like the character of the Grinch himself:

I’ve said it before. I know I will have to say it again. Conservatives play the victim so much, I’m surprised that at this point, a CSI team doesn’t follow them 24/7 everywhere they go.

Yes, Gerry. “We” can no longer say “Merry Christmas” in public anymore, and referring to a Christmas Tree as such, is akin in the eyes of us woke warriors, as being equal in offense to one audaciously asking that their Latte be steamed using whole milk, rather than the far more Eco-conscious Soy.

And for the love of mythical God, don’t even get me started on what will happen if you dare refer to them as “Gingerbread Men”, rather than the politically-correct epithet of ”Gingerbread-persons”. With no due respect, my paranoid pile of human skin pudding, the only thing that’s ever been verboten for you to say whereas Christmas is considered, is what you really think about your Mother-in-Law’s cooking, and how her brother Fred shouldn’t be left unsupervised around the drink cart, and that’s it.

However, did you also catch the sledgehammer-subtle touch of xenophobic racism at the core of this unjustified hissy-fit, as I did?  To quote directly; “If you don’t like our “customs” and it offends you so much then LEAVE… I will help you pack“. Two takeaways from this, the first in reference as to who this jackass thinks that they need to leave because they are ardently opposed to saying “Merry Christmas”, and second, does anyone truly believe that a self-righteously dense Conservative, would ever help a total stranger with anything?

It also strikes strange does it not, that people who consistently complain about Liberals classifying everything in sight with uniquely specific terms, would get so ridiculously upset about a generic Yuletide greeting. Nevertheless, there is a middle-ground to be found in concern to this situation, and it comes courtesy of Saturday Night Live’s Michael Che, who once joked; “Don’t think of it as me saying “happy holidays””… think of it as me saying all holidays matter.”

And with that savagely accurate rejoinder in place, I think this seems an apocopate place to bookmark Catinari’s upcoming stray-arc for now. And when I pick back up the frayed threads of his so-called intellect, I’ll be doing so in the place where his ignorance and paranoia produce idiocy such as this:  

Oh Gerry, you abominably stupid simp, we already knew what’s truly “wrong” with America, and it ain’t just Facebook. But thanks to your words, your posts, and your willingness to share them with the world entire, we’re going to figure out just what or who I should say, is really the problem.

I can only wonder where in that hierarchy of the obtuse, you’re going to place. I guess we’ll see.



“Why do we love the idea that people might be secretly working together to control and organise the world? Because we don’t like to face the fact that our world runs on a combination of chaos, incompetence and confusion.” -Jonathan Cainer











Lloyd of the Lies. (Duck and Blubber).

“We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

If you’ve been reading my screeds for a while, I think it’s fair to say that I write far more about the subject of politics these days, rather than the aspects of the creative arena from which my writing pseudonym [AKA; “Artbitch”] originally sprang. This is due in no small part, to the fact that my current Lair of Snarkitude is located just outside of a small town in the idyllically pastoral setting that is Southern New Mexico.

(Mot the lair that I have, but definitely, the lair that I most certainly need.)

This is not to say that there’s nothing “artsy” to write about here, but at best, it would have far less appeal to anyone outside of the sparsely populated county that I currently live in, and I honestly don’t mean that as a derogative descriptive. And unlike the previous culturally cynical carnival I was part of for the better part of two and a half decades, the well of written inspiration waiting to be tapped, is not nearly as deep for an introspective overview as I would require to craft a good read.

Hence, the slide over to politics. the never-ending row of shark’s teeth that can be easily rendered into screeds, if not effective countering swords against the rising tide of flaccid fascism currently vexing this country. I’ve oft had it asked of me why I “do what I do”, and there’s an easy answer courtesy of sci-fi author Tiana Dalichov, who noted in her novel “Agenda 46” that; “You attack to protect, not to avenge. You strike to end suffering, not cause it.”

This, without any notation of self-aggrandizement, is what I try to do, every time I open my laptop, and present my thoughts via the pixilated page.

This, without any notation of self-aggrandizement, is what I try to do every time I open my laptop, and present my thoughts via the pixilated page. I don’t always succeed, and sometimes I feel that my efforts are akin to spitting into the proverbial wind, but I continue on nevertheless, despite the research required, the occasional interaction with the intellectually-bereft, and the oft-painful reality that even after successfully parrying some of the inaner commentary from same said MAGAts, my expression usually looks like this:

And if this is me contemplating a small victory, you can only imagine what I must look like on a day when I’m so ticked off that I could shack on a box of nails, and spit out a barbed wire fence. A state of mind that as Time marches forward, is becoming more of a commonalty, than a rarity these days.

The seemingly endless flow of dimwitted disingenuousness runs both high and wide, and as it does so, only the detritus of what it has destroyed remains behind to tell its tale, mythical God help us all. This venomous volatility, stems from the inflicted influence of Trumpism that has corrupted not only the modern-day Conservative movement and its adherents, but the very soul of this country as well.

Need some evidentiary proof that America is experiencing a wave of delusional dipsh***ery from the top of the power structure on down? Well then, feel free to peruse this slice of political amnesia from one of its most devoted disciples, the ever-graveling Trumpist boot-licker, known as US Representative (R-TX) Chip Roy:

Because I’m a fully functioning human whose mental processes work the way that they should, I’ll give you a moment to contemplate the asinine absurdity of Roy’s pathetically brazen hypocritical amnesia, that’s so cravenly on display here for the world to see. I swear to allegorical God, that if Trump’s dick were any further down this toady’s throat, it would like he had a prehensile tail.

I’m kidding of course, for as we all know thanks to the input of adult-film star Stormy Daniels, Trump’s gear can’t extend itself past the average persons’ molars, but you get my point.

If Roy’s name sounds even remotely familiar, it might be because back in March of 2021 at a hearing regarding the increase of hate crimes directed at Asian Americans, Roy said the following: “We believe in justice. There’s old sayings in Texas about ‘find all the rope in Texas and get a tall oak tree, You know, we take justice very seriously, and we ought to do that. Round up the bad guys. That’s what we believe.”

This vile commentary BTW, was uttered mere days after eight people, six of whom were Asian, were murdered in Atlanta, the victims of an abominable hate crime.

When given the chance to retract or modify his putrid articulation, Roy instead doubled down, releasing a statement that declared:  “Apparently some folks are freaking out that I used an old expression about finding all the rope in Texas and a tall oak tree about carrying out justice against bad guys. I meant it. We need more justice and less thought policing, We should restore order by tamping out evil actors, not turn America into an authoritarian state like the Chinese Communists who seek to destroy us, No apologies.”

But when it came to Trump’s attempted insurrection on J6, all Roy had to say to White House chief of staff Mark Meadows via text on that day, was the following: This is a sh*tshow, Fix this now.” This plea came after previous texts to Meadows in which Roy stated; “If you’re still in the game… dude, we need ammo. We need fraud examples. We need it this weekend”, as well as; We need a controlled message ASAP,”

However, when these texts were made public, Roy took his standard approach of crafting arrogant hypocrisy into condescending flesh, saying; “No apologies for my private texts or public positions – to those on the left or right. I stand behind seeking truth, fighting nonsense, & then acting in defense of the Constitution.

This patriotic declaration, courtesy of an alleged public servant of the people, who’s seemingly down with the act of lynching a select few of them, but I digress.

Nonetheless, while I obviously disagree most strongly with Roy’s cravenly attempt to rewrite a historically factual narrative that was quite literally, archived in real-time, his selectively retrieved utterance still rings far more eloquent than the nearly incoherent rant offered up to us all, by this dedicatedly dimwitted member of Cult 45. Bays and Girls, may I introduce you to the pride of Pocono Summit, PA, the one and hopefully only, Debbie Nowicki Harshbarger:

Speaking as a professional writer, I must admit that I’ve oft-wondered just how freeing it must be, to write out a thought that’s so delightfully unbound by the confines of logic, as this one most certainly appears to be.

And given the pure Homo/Transphobic vibe inherent within it, I’m not sure if the late author Anthony Burgessis looking down upon us, or to be more accurate, looking up at the same, but either way, he must be so jealous right about now, watching a mere amateur boldly steal his thunder outright..

New, I do know what you’re thinking: while yes, this is a pristine example of what happens when a failed public education falls madly in love with a family tree that’s sans branches, but nevertheless, let’s try to see the upside to this cornucopia encompassing the resultant tatters of a confused thought process. I briefly introduced Debbie No-wits-ki Harshbarger here in my last screed, and I must say that her political takes are like a gift from the Writing Gods themselves.

Are they proudly ill-informed? You bet. Delusionally paranoid as well? Without question. And even though we don’t know exactly what prescription medication Harshbarger is allegedly abusing to come to these insane conclusions of hers, the one thing that I think we can all agree on, is that by comparison alone, it makes Crack look like a cheese danish:

I hate to quibble over the small details here Debbie, but would it be rude of me to remind you that the Nazis and the Communists, were politically opposed to each other? They literally went to war over it, you absolute f**king lummox.

Burt let’s give Soros some overdue credit, as I seriously don’t know how he does it all at his advanced age- rigging elections, running the Deep State cabal like a fine Swiss timepiece, composing all those songs for Nickelback, and that’s not even taking into account all the lunches with Satah that he has to attend, if only for the sake of his appealing to the democratic faithful.

Oh, I’m sorry… did I forget to mention Satan’s influence upon us Leftists? Well, don’t you worry, because No-wits-ki has that base fully covered:

I won’t speak for you of course, but if Satan is indeed going to be the keynote speaker for the Democratic Convention, I for one, would like to know just why he couldn’t book Norwegian black metal band Mayhem to be the evening’s musical guest. Seriously Lucifer- it’s bad enough that you haven’t directly inspired a good Metallica album since the “Black” one, but this oversight is almost unforgivable.

However, there’s no need to fret if you were hoping for the classic conservative hits and tropes, because No-withs-ki has those playing on a continuous loop in her otherwise empty head. To start, there’s the traditional gambit as already expressed above, of comparing your imagined enemies to being no less than the heir apparent to either Communists, or the Nazis, in both word and deed:

And if this pathetically abominable analogy fails to land the political sucker punch that you were hoping for, then just move post haste, to yet another well-worn conservative strategy of deflection, that being the amalgamation of two completely unrelated, yet equally insane, modern-day conspiracy theories:

Now when that fails as well, due to the fact that it’s laughably impossible to logically defend on any level, then switch gears once more, and go after the villains that are the ones truly responsible for holding America as well as its citizens hostage to their mercurial and cruel whims.

You know who I’m talking about, right? The one, the only, the “ELIETIST” A shadowy cabal, made up of Globalists that are so cunningly evil, they misspelled their organization’s name on purpose, so that even with the use of Google, we still can’t find their headquarters:

Once again, I find Harshbarger’s lack of punctuation, if not the need to all-cap everything mentioned within, quite refreshing. The rest of her unhinged rant masquerading as commentary, is the purest of garbage to be sure, but the spirit of it overall, is as stereotypically hypocritical as such a taken position can get.

Personally, I’ve always loved how the party that grovels at the feet of corporations and billionaires, paints itself as the representatives of the working-class while brazenly slurring with venomous mockery, those who actually endeavor to lessen the burdens placed upon us all by the actual elite. However, since almost every statement uttered by modern-day conservatives these days tends to be either projection or confession, I’ll just give it a charitable pass…

… for now.

Sadly, I could literally harvest an entire series of screeds from the insanity garden that serves as Hershberger’s mental citadel, but as I need to move along with this, the newest of my literary excursions, we’ll just close her story-arc off with one last slice of No-wits-ki’s particularly vulgar brand of dimwittedness:  

Say what you will about Hershberger’s full-blown delusional take on the world entire, but someday she and it, are going to make a hand-picked team of physiatrists ether very well-known, or exceedingly wealthy beyond their wildest dreams off of the movie rights alone. But Hershberger faces some seriously stiff competition in regards to maintaining her grip as a top-level Alt-Wrong Wackadoo, and surprisingly, it comes from a guy who looks like this, and yet, still had the inner confidence to share his not-creepy-at-all-70’s-serial-killer-vibe, with us all:

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the man behind this “The Hills Have Eyes” selfie, one Russell Ward Matthews of Athol, MA. Interestingly, the nickname for Athol is “Tool Town“, due to its economy being largely based in industrialism, but it’s also somewhat ironic considering what a “tool” Matthews seemingly appears to be, when you look at some of his finer intellectual observations, especially in regards to cultural issues, such as validated race-based mistrust of law enforcement:

Yes, my racist russet potato analog, only “criminals” hate the police, and nobody else. Especially the demographic that suffers most due to their consistent abuse of power and legislative protection.

I tells ya’, there’s no better counsel to take into consideration, then the one offered up by a potentially bigotry-afflicted dude, who looks like he spends his free time surreptitiously hiding in the shadows that surround a child’s playground. I’m obviously kidding of course, but if Matthews can blasely judge people by the color of their skin alone, then I in tandem, can judge him by every single “stranger-danger “poster that I ever saw as a kid.

However, there is the very slimmest of probabilities that I could be wrong about Matthews allegedly possessing more bigoted bones than a Confederate cemetery, because after all, it’s not like he’s the type to consistently post truly ignorant declarations making light of the horrendous struggles of African-Americans, right?

Well, in his limited defense regarding the ostensibly racist whine presented above, he did once post this:

Now, while I’m not a person of faith on any level, there actually is a nice message within this rather simplistic assertion, that being, only “Evil” deliberately separates people into specific boxes, and “Good” in all of its essence, does not.  “God” IS love after all, and the knowing of this concept, it not the steadfast belief in this mantra, would, and this most certifiably, not allow anyone to post the following asininity, or so you might think:

And this abomination of detached humanity, conveniently served up in one pathetically cringe-worthy cartoon, is sourced from (who else?) the favorite Replacement Theorist of people whose family tree resembles a chain link fence that gets taller with each subsequent generation, America’s performatively outraged Wedgie Salad, Tucker Carlson. You know, the White Pride Piper with the obsessive M&M hate-f**k fetish, as displayed here?

Tucker, who recently informed us all that; “M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous. Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal. When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity; they’ve won”, made sure that like most of the Caucasian Cowper’s fluid that dribbles out of his mouth, his post covered all the tropes that White Supremacists happily pleasure themselves to, in-between their 3a.m. front-lawn barbecuing get-togethers.

Laid out here before us, is a racist trifecta that we have yet to sample, but as it is with all things paranoid-based, I can assure you all that it generalizes the underlying issues of societal issues, and demonizes that which was manufactured out of ignorance and hate. And the reason for this, is just so inane pin-heads like Matthews, finally have a range of desired successes to scratch off their wretched bucket lists.

To start, did they unduly slur the reputation of a well-respected African_American Congressman? You bet they did! Did they also paint his district as a dystopian urban hellscape without addressing exactly why that is, past veiling it under the specter of passive-aggressive racism? Sure thing! And most importantly of all, did they manage to squeeze in one last swipe, implying that undocumented aliens get a free ride?

Congratulations, my Vanilla Vanguard plebes, you’re now officially racists! Here’s your complimentary Anthropologie discount card, a case of Miracle Whip, and an erroneous sense that everyone but you, are actually the problem with everything that you find to be uncomfortable, objectionable, or misunderstand.

And if I may be so bold, nobody seems to get it so pointlessly wrong quite in the same way that Matthews manages to do here with this pointlessly puerile post, which if anything, only reinforces my opinion that while not every person whose part of a family tree gets to meet their ancestors, Matthews has most certainly had the unfortunate opprobrium of knowing just exactly who his “incestors” were:

Does anyone else get the feeling that Matthews was born in the wrong era? Not the one depicted in the film “Mississippi Burning”, but the one so iconically conceptualized in Stanley Kubrick’s masterpiece “2001”, where the man-apes are hooting unrestrainedly as they dance around the Black Monolith?

Earlier above, Matthews opined that only “SATAN SEES RACE”, but if that’s true and as he’s not charming enough, smart enough, or interesting enough to be the actual fallen Lightbringer himself, I can only assume that they either both share the same optometrist, or at the very least, the same set of contacts from time to time, for Matthews to be this inadvertently hypocritical.

Regardless, far be it from me to depict Matthews as being nothing more than just an alleged run-of-the-mill racist, for this cat has got quite the range of mental obesity in concern to the crafting of his rampantly abject stupidity. Of that, I can assure you. For instance, he’s also rather the fan of nonsensical conspiracy theories as well, not that the revealing of such an affinity, should shock anyone even remotely familiar with today’s modern-day GOP.

Granted, while the promotion of the facially insane is seemingly the cornerstone of the ever-increasingly disturbing psyche of the conservative movement, even I have to admit that this one’s still a doozy:

For sanity’s sake, I won’t rehash the myriad of reasons why this is both erroneous and delusional, as I’ve covered this particular topic in depth previously, but I will address it once more, nevertheless.  

Speaking only for myself, I harbor serious reservations that a man who brags about sexually assaulting women, who twice wishes “well” upon a procurer of a pedophile before her trial for the same, and who has one of the lowest prosecutorial rates for sex trafficking in Presidential history, is going to serve as the judicial juggernaut that moves the allegorical goalposts as far as they need to be. Call me cynical.

And I’m not entirely sure who “They” are, but if a cabal with a so-called secret agenda, and supposed overseer power as to how things above and below the line of sight are run within this Republic, can’t hide their simplest machinations from a lummox such as the one Matthews most certainly appears to be, I for one, wouldn’t consider them a virulent threat to anyone on any level, save for possibly themselves.

Not to mention, the thought that a man who sells snake-oil as naturally as he slurs dignity, being the champion of applied Justice in general, is as believable as my ever getting over the fact that in all probability, the same “they” Matthews rants about, are also probably the ones that greenlit “Highlander II: The Quickening”, as an act of revenge against the art of competent film-making.

But if I were to give credit where it’s due, Matthews, who finds himself willingly becoming even more disconnected from actual Reality as we collectively all perceive it, does fulfill his role as an obedient lap-dog of the conspiracy-fueled GQP, by disseminating their lunacy as if it were manna for morons:

I always do so enjoy how people who consistently can’t spell the basic word “you’re’, suddenly become a cross between Johann Von Schonenberg and Stephen Hawking, when their quasi-Christianity is melded with an aspect of Anosognosia. As my brain works the way that Nature intended it to, I’m not entirely sure how the installation of the Antichrist on earth is supposed to work, but I can think of far better candidates for the job than Joe Biden, and not too surprisingly, most of my picks are Republicans.

Not out of any form of political bias mind you, it just seems like they’d be the best group to recruit from, if you needed experienced people to manage an odious empire built on a foundation of lies and human suffering. The amalgamation of quasi-Christianity with sheer delusion, is almost a standardized trademark so far as the Conservative movement is concerned, but as it is with all things virulently toxic, this inability to grasp actual Reality, lends itself quite usefully to the act of placing stock in that which is obviously insane:

Goddamnit, why am I always the last person to find out about the cool stuff? Especially when it’s far too late for me to take advantage of it? I mean… here I am, with a perfectly good list of need-to-be-murdered candidates, and the perfect cover for doing so, passes me by without so much as a word. That’s just plain rude, no matter how you look at it.

Sigh. I guess now that the opportune moment has passed, I’ll never be able to test out my theorem of just how far Kevin Sorbo might fly when I, using nothing save for the services of a rocket-powered trebuchet, launch him into the stratosphere located just slightly over the Grand Canyon. You know, as a tribute to both the late Evel Knievel, and the principles of unwilling aerodynamics?

Once again, I do so enjoy people who despite their not having cracked open a book since high school, have still managed somehow, to weave together the gossamer-like threads of a conspiracy so Machiavellian in its inception, that even the fictional nemesis of Sherlock Holmes, Professor James Moriarty, would require no less than a String Theory Codex to make sense of it.

Given the postings above, it’s disturbingly transparent Matthews’ repeatedly expressed delusions may necessitate at some immediate point in the hopefully near future, that a competent mental-health professional takes some form of targeted interest in them, to say the very least. But Matthews, being the truly unencumbered by Logic free-thinker that he is, has other options in so-called mind. Namely, internet quizzes.

For those of you who may not be in the know, I’m referring to those uncontestable online “What (blank) are you?” self-help questionnaires, that despite their status as once being the sole province of one-wang-Willamina’s-from-Wichita, now serve as the Sages that help guide the voices in Matthew’s otherwise empty head:

Russell “saw the Whale”. Therefore, he is “impossible to manipulate”.

Or so says this meme, which call me crazy, doesn’t really seem like it would meet even the lowest standards applied of a true psychological test. That is, save for the one that seeks out those afflicted with the Barnum Effect, which is a phenomenon wherein occurs individuals believe that (so-called) personality descriptions apply specifically to them and them alone, despite the datum that said portrayal is actually filled with information that equally applies to all.

So, all that stuff he posted regarding suggested racism, insane conspiracy theories, and the suggestion that Joe Biden is affiliated with the Antichrist, that you just witnessed with your own eyes? Well, you’ll just have to discount all of that, because Russell has definitive proof via an illustrated whale, that he can’t be manipulated  by anyone.

Save for the mango-tinted genius he salivates over of course, who bragged in a 2021 interview with Fox News medical analyst Marc K Siegel, that not only did he “ace” his Montreal Cognitive Assessment, a test that starts with the question; ‘is this an elephant?’, but he also repeated the words, “Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV” in correct order as well, and to the “amazement” of the doctors in attendance.

According to (and nobody else) Trump, “they” said “nobody gets it in order, it’s actually not that easy. But for me it was easy. And that’s not an easy question”, with such an air of supreme overconfidence, that one might have thought that he had memorized all of his kids’ names instead. And that even includes Eric.

He then claimed this stunned throng then asked of him; “That’s amazing. How did you do that?”  Trump’s response was characteristically humble: ‘I do it because I have like a good memory? Because I’m cognitively there.’”

Sure, you are, Donny. Just like I am now, standing here in Milla Jovovich’s bedroom, patiently waiting for our weekly whipped-cream massage session to start. The test in question that our former toddler-in chief was gushing about, is an exam given to people who are in the early stages of dementia, as a means to determine just how far they may have mentally declined.

An actual cognitive test, BTW, is far more detailed, takes quite a bit more time than the ½ hour Trump noted for his, and is actually undertaken with the direct assistance of specifically trained experts in the field. Medical professionals that down the road, Matthews will have more than a passing association with as the spoiled cabbage that currently masquerades as his brain, continues on its path to inevitable deterioration.

Evidential proof of my assessment for the future, is borne out by this last “thought” of his, wherein he sets the record straight for all, by offering up this dripping with clueless irony observational take that;

Yes, Russell. Democrats do lie on TV. As do Libertarians, Anarchists, Mercenaries, Newscasters, and lastly, Republicans as well. However, Democrats aren’t the ones pushing fantastical conspiracies as Gospel, Racism and Misogyny as principal values, and unmitigated treason as a form of acceptable counter-protest.

And I might add, we also don’t take our marching orders from a traitorous Oompa-Loompa either, so when it comes to debating the issue of political ignorance, maybe your certifiably so ass, should just sit this one out.

However, at one point in the back-and-forth interaction between Matthews and myself, I did have the glimmer of hope that he had indeed come back around to the world of logical reasoning, but as it turned out, the popping noise that I thought was him pulling his head out of his ass, turned out to be yet another one of his brain-cells offing itself with severe prejudice, rather than face the indignity of processing yet another asinine assertion of his.

Moving on, while the world of online political partisanship does have more than its fair share of outright loons, such as the ones that I’ve already shared with you, the majority of the party faithful that comprise the centralized core of the Alt-Wrong creed, are at best, just your average intellectually-cucked bargain-basement morons.

For instance, take into consideration this shining example of an asinine kindergarten-level taunt made flesh, the babbling bouillabaisse of humanity, that is Shawn Michael Gibbons of Massillon, Ohio:

Shawn, seen here seriously contemplating if the ensemble he’s wearing is too formal for his local Waffle House, is in his late forties, a proud father of three, and given this truck-based selfie, a descendant of a family tree that I can only assume must be a Palm, because it’s been alleged that.it has no branches, and that all the interrelated family members, are fronds with benefits.

That’s obviously a tasteless joke of course, as I have no idea what the actual lineage of Gibbons truly is, but it’s also as equally clear via this missive sent to me via FB Messenger, that a wordsmith, he is not:

I tells ya’, there’s nothing like finally finding out for certain, exactly just what happened to that kid in your homeroom class who was impossible to underestimate. Given the fact that Gibbons would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle, I guess I can’t really fault him for being as useful as a chocolate teapot, when it comes to representing the best that the Alt-Wrong ideology has to offer us all.

To be fair, Gibbons did spell the word “you’re” correctly, in a refreshing change of pace for those of us who consistently deal with the members of a cult that appear to be functionally illiterate, but answer me this, if you will: why is it, that these Conservative cucks always come off as if they only have two brain cells left, and both are fighting to secure the rank of being in third place?

Granted, being able to hide your own Easter eggs does have some benefits, but Gibbons isn’t that particularly interesting enough to expound upon at any measurable length, as he’s just a sampling of the demographical intellect level one should expect from the petri dish that’s fermented both inanity and insurrection into not only a means of self-identification, but a political ideology, as well.

Sadly, Gibbons here, made the miscalculation of (pathetically) launching an attack in defense of another of his brain-dead brethren, from within what he thought was the relative anonymity of the very internet itself. However, when it was made patently clear to him that he wasn’t hidden half as well as he thought he was, he hastily retreated back under his rock, in the manner of the weak-ass bitch that he erroneously believed that he could slur me as.

Newsflash, Shawn? I’m the “Artbitch”, not the Shawnbitch”, but thanks for playing, nevertheless.

So, who was it that Gibbons endeavored (and failed) to protect from the interest of yours truly? Well, that would be Lloyd Morton Sr, a gentlemen form the township of North Lawrence, Ohio, who in my opinion, proves yet again the maxim that if you build it, they will come. Unfortunately for us as the progressive society we want to be, the only thing that Morton has ever built, is a monument to mental mediocrity whose very walls were built out of unsold MyPillows and Trump steaks.  

And as it always seems to be with all persons Conservative, Lloyd, like the majority of his fellow “I’m not in a cult” declaring cultists, just can’t help but show us all who they really are, and that, pretty early on:Conservative “humor”, wherein the slandering of Women, Muslims, and Minorities, can all be successfully accomplished in one go. The ultimate of hat-tricks Nevertheless, I don’t want to paint Morten as harboring any of the stereotypical racist tendencies so prevalent in today’s GOP, on any level, as that might be considered by some, to be no more than an act of somewhat self-righteous overstepping.

However, when he’s already doing a far better job of it than I ever could, why would I interrupt him in doing so?

Dear mythical God, you can literally feel the cringe of this, regardless of your current location, can you not? If you’ve ever wondered why there are no truly successful conservative-leaning comedians, here’s your answer. While it is true that most comedy comes from pain, it’s also true that the humor therein, comes from one’s experiencing it, rather than inflicting it upon others.

Every time I read something this stupid, I ‘ve had to give serious pause as to how it is that these f**king morons haven’t attempted to reheat pizza in their bathtubs with a plugged-in toaster. While I do understand the valid concerns in regards to having what appears to be an unsecured border, I’m also a realist in the sense that terrorists aren’t going to walk across a desert, when they can just as easily, fly coach into JFK or LAX.

I know this may come as a shock to Morton’s bigoted sensibilities, but anyone who straps on a backpack and then walks several thousand miles to come to a country that they’ve only heard about, does so willingly. This assertion of mine I feel, is best expressed in the powerfully disturbing poem “Home”, authored by the Kenyan-born British-Somali poet Warsan Shire:

“No one leaves home unless home is the mouth of a shark.

You only run for the border when you see the whole city running as well. Your neighbours running faster than you, the boy you went to school with who kissed you dizzy behind the old tin factory is holding a gun bigger than his body, you only leave home when home won’t let you stay.

No one would leave home unless home chased you, fire under feet, hot blood in your belly. It’s not something you ever thought about doing, and so when you did – you carried the anthem under your breath, waiting until the airport toilet to tear up the passport and swallow, each mouthful of paper making it clear that you would not be going back.

You have to understand, no one puts their children in a boat unless the water is safer than the land. Who would choose to spend days and nights in the stomach of a truck unless the miles traveled meant something more than journey.

No one would choose to crawl under fences, be beaten until your shadow leaves you, raped, then drowned, forced to the bottom of the boat because you are darker, be sold, starved, shot at the border like a sick animal, be pitied, lose your name, lose your family, make a refugee camp a home for a year or two or ten, stripped and searched, find prison everywhere and if you survive and you are greeted on the other side with “go home blacks”, “refugees dirty immigrants”, “asylum seekers sucking our country dry of milk”, dark, with their hands out smell strange, savage – look what they’ve done to their own countries, what will they do to ours?

The dirty looks in the street softer than a limb torn off, the indignity of everyday life more tender than fourteen men who look like your father, between your legs, insults easier to swallow than rubble, than your child’s body in pieces – for now, forget about pride your survival is more important.

I want to go home, but home is the mouth of a shark. Home is the barrel of the gun and no one would leave home. Unless home chased you to the shore. Unless home tells you to leave what you could not behind, even if it was human.

No one leaves home until home is a damp voice in your ear saying; “leave, run now, i don’t know what I’ve become.”


If after reading this, you still feel that the reality of the choices that immigrants fleeing their homes must face, is appropriate fodder for the opportunity that Morton crudely seized to showcase both his stunning ignorance, if not his disdain for Humanity in general, then like he, I strongly advise you to go f**k yourself.

For those of us with actually functioning souls, “Home” speaks of horrifying challenges, but whereas Morton and the others in his cabal of cuckolded Caucasians is concerned, such parameters are nothing more than smug silage for insensitive intolerance. But don’t worry, Lloyd- I still think you’re awesome, nevertheless.

Just kidding.

But maybe, just maybe, I am being a tad too harsh here, for Lloyd isn’t completely clueless as to what’s going on around him in regards to the interwoven issues this country has always had with its insidious undercurrent of ever-simmering bigotry- in fact, he’s actually seeing a positive aspect within it all:  

For the love of mythical Christ, I’m actually starting to form the belief that Lloyd may be the type of person who can not only easily put both of his feet in his mouth at the same time, but that he can do so all the way up to his thighs. I say this, due to the fact that even as this post presents itself as a non-racist declaration of hopeful optimism, three’s still a dusting of bigotry sprinkled throughout it, nonetheless.

To note; first there’s his observation that he sees babies of mixed-race “exclusively” with the White parent or grandparents, thereby subtly implying that the non-White progenitor isn’t part of the involved family dynamic. This just so happens to be a favorite trope of Conservatives, ever since the legality of mixed-race marriage.in all 50 states, was certified by the Supreme Court back in 1967, via the conduit that was Loving vs Virginia.

Adding some allegorical weight to my acidic oversight, there’s the mentioning of his previously “rural” area now undergoing an unforeseen influx of “urban” [IE: non-white] influence in the form of mixed-race progeny, and therefore “it”, [IE: racism] must certainly be on its last legs. Just ignore the fact that Morton not only openly wondered why such offspring are “branded” as Black, he then goes on to suggest that they’re being so, is nothing less than an amoral plot to increase “racism numbers”, whatever in the f**k that’s supposed to mean.

Seriously, does Morton think that there’s some sort of governmental quota that needs to be fulfilled using the birthrate of interracial scions as its base? And as for the “media’s obsession with race” Lloyd, the fact that it’s finally paying attention now to the previously verboten issue of racial disparity in this country, isn’t a fixation- its socially responsible journalism, trying to make sense of it all.

Nonetheless, the further insinuation that the as always anonymous “they” that Conservative are so fond of using as substitute boogeymen, being currently at work crafting a scheme so deceivingly nefarious that even Lloyd himself, is unable to present any credible evidence ascertaining its very existence, is truly my favorite part of this intellectually-challenged asininity, by far.

And as for his analogy that we are swiftly progressing as if we were a snowball rolling down the steepest of hills to becoming a truly colorblind society? I’ll agree with that, when I stop seeing stuff like this, via the race-obsessed media that he despises so much:

Well. This is awkward, given the fact that the media that’s seemingly obsessed with the issue of race, is the one Lloyd’s compatriots most certainly takes their political cues from, especially when it comes to non-issues such as this cravenly Conservative concoction:

Curiously, there already IS a National Anthem for African-Americans, and its origins go far further back than you might think. Written by James Wheldon Johnson in 1900, “Lift Every Voice and Sing”, was promoted by the NAACP in 1917 as being nothing less than the “Negro national anthem“.

Now to be fair, I had no idea that this was even a thing, until I took the time to discover this information for myself. Vexingly, despite using the services of Google to do so, the amount of time required to unearth this historically relevant factoid was quite formidable, as this screenshot clearly shows:

Seriously? 0.46 seconds? Does Google think that I have all day to just sit around and wait for the answer to a question that I shouldn’t have had to ask in the first place as it’s in regards to an imaginary issue, and therefore, NOT AN ACTUAL PROBLEM, UNLESS YOU’RE HARBORING SEVERELY BIGOTED TENDENCIES?

Weird that Morton has a problem with the lyrics of a spiritual hymn that’s been around since the turn of the last century, but possesses zero issue with the Presidential mango-man-child who couldn’t remember the words to the anthem of the country he was, [at that time] currently in charge of. I’m sure that such a position is based on merit, and not a quirk of melanin, given his above declarations, am I right?

For those of you unfamiliar with this hymn as I previously was, here it is in full:

“Lift every voice and sing  
Till earth and heaven ring,
Ring with the harmonies of Liberty;
Let our rejoicing rise
High as the listening skies,
Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.
Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us,
Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us. 
Facing the rising sun of our new day begun,
Let us march on till victory is won.

Stony the road we trod,
Bitter the chastening rod,
Felt in the days when hope unborn had died; 
Yet with a steady beat,
Have not our weary feet
Come to the place for which our fathers sighed?
We have come over a way that with tears has been watered,
We have come, treading our path through the blood of the slaughtered,
Out from the gloomy past, 
Till now we stand at last
Where the white gleam of our bright star is cast.

God of our weary years,  
Thou who hast brought us thus far on the way;
Thou who hast by Thy might 
Led us into the light,
Keep us forever in the path, we pray.
Lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met Thee,
Lest, our hearts drunk with the wine of the world, we forget Thee;
Shadowed beneath Thy hand, 
May we forever stand. 
True to our God,
True to our native land.”

Catchy, this song is not. Visually however, I’d suggest that it’s right up there with Blue Oyster Cult’s “Veteran of the Psychic Wars”, even if that song does just so happen to have the far better bass line betwixt the two. And much like that seminal classic, White people have nothing to fear from “Lift” in general, much less the non-existent threat of it ever being able to replace the National Anthem.

I for one, can’t imagine what it must be like to wake up every morning secure within the safety of my home, and yet; paranoically view the world entire as an entity that is far more dangerous, than eminently fascinating.

Are there truly horrific things out there to be found, lurking both in the shadows and the light? Certainly, yes. But if I ever get to the point in my life where I envision all that is around me as either an imminent danger or a malevolent machination, promise me that you’ll tie an engine block to my feet, and take me for my first, and hopefully last, lesson in sky-diving.

Interestingly, despite the mistrustful take that he shared above, Morton, unlike a majority of the paradoxically brain-dead bloviators that I write about, seems to be relatively free of the corrupting effects of conspiracy theories, overall. However, that doesn’t mean that he still won’6t dip his toes in the pond of the pea-brained, from time to time:

Isn’t it amazing, that regardless of whatever topic is being discussed, there’s always one clod of Conservatism, who thinks that by using nothing save for the dark of the Interweb and the ever-screaming voices residing within their head, that somehow, they alone, figured “it” all out? Sure, they never have any actual proof for their theorems, such as, witnesses, corroborating evidence, or even a coherent narrative to explain any of it, but rest assured, they know what’s up… as do I:

Truly, it is such a shame that the inherent talents of such brilliant sages have been relegated to the back of the allegorical bus, when its so clearly obvious that they possess knowledge far beyond the reach of the so-called actual experts. If only world governments could willingly put their fates in the hands of people such as Patti and Lloyd, this space-rock would find itself tuned up in a week. A month, tops.

But Morton’s near-miss MENSA IQ isn’t just content to sit on the laurels of fantastically spun tales regarding spy balloons, alleged presidential betrayal, and for some strange reason, the abominable events of 9-11, he’s got other far more relevant issues to tackle.

Say, such as the “lie” that Trump and Russia were in bed together, excluding of course, the fact that thanks to the Mueller investigation, the commentary of Trump’s own sons, and the business records of the Trump Organization itself, such a blasphemous rumor was actually credibly verified to have a stronghold within that which is actuality:

Sigh. It’s one thing to hold an opinion, misinformed as it may be, but it’s quite another, to petulantly assert its singular validity, when you’re unable or incomprehensibly unwilling, to provide the evidence that underpins its alleged credibility to begin with. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. If you’re right, you’re right. But neither state can be solidly established, if and when, only one side shows up to the gun-fight, prepared.

In fact, Morton pulls this claim-and-run move quite a lot, but as someone who has a history of long-term interactions with those of a conservative bent, I can assure you that it’s a spurious gambit that more often than not, gets employed in lieu of an evidential presentation. Case in point, this back-and-forth sparring, regarding what Morton claimed were acts of antisemitism allegedly perpetrated by AOC and “The Squad”.

A dubious assessment that Morton BTW, never bothered to back up in any way, shape or form, despite my charity in giving him multiple opportunities to do just that:  

Unsurprisingly, Morton blocked me after this exchange, but not before I acquired a small collection centered around his equally ignorant squawking. Take for instance, this bon mot concerning President’s Biden SOTU speech, and as you may have guessed, Lloyd’s take on it, is well… let’s just call it “unique”, and leave it at that:

Let’s take a clinical overview of this, if we may. As is typical of conservative critiques, there’s no actual quantifier as to what the “lies” are or were, no counter-argument relating to the specific issue/s that are supposedly concerning, and interestingly, absolutely no mention whatsoever of this White Supremacy Muppet, acting like the classless dumbass that she most certainly is:

In regards to Lloyd’s omission of addressing the wretchedness of this embarrassingly screeching antisemitic shitgibbon, I’ll just have to assume that was an accidentally deliberate oversight on his part, and assign him the grace that he deserves in relation to it.

As for his erroneous observation that his side scared a “win” of any sort with the idea of Biden possibly running again, all I can say to that is the following: given both the abominable candidate pool that his party has to draw from, and the fact that the GOP infighting is rapidly approaching its worst apogee in decades, the real entertainment and eventual challenge will be watching the Alt-Wrong tear itself apart over whose cult leader is a better wannabe fascist.

Speaking of ignoring the obvious, Morton is also a big fan of pushing paranoid narratives, that to anyone with a working intellect, strike as blatantly false. Fortunately, whereas Lloyd’s focus is concerned, it isn’t on the stereotypical slurring of the LGBTQ Community as “groomers”, so I guess that’s a point of character awarded to him, but it’s just as uninformed in its arrogance as that particular conservative go-to.

So, what is the issue that Morton feels is of major concern to Americans in general? Naturally there are several, some of which are quite valid, but whereas Lloyd is concerned, the issue of “Semantics”, in relation to correctly defining the weapons currently massacring both innocent victims in public spaces as well as entire classrooms full of children alike, is a topic that he’s truly impassioned about:

This is one of those things that I find highly vexing about Conservatives in general- the fact that they can never grasp the reality that we as a nation, can efficiently tackle more than one issue at the same time. It does not have to be a “this or that” situation, unless we deliberately craft it that way. Shockingly Lloyd, not only can new take on the challenge of ending the illicit drug trade (a good point BTW), we can also approach the pandemic of gun violence in tandem, to boot.

But for Morton, such crystalline clarity is apparently beyond the reach of his limited intellect, and while he isn’t technically wrong about the scourge of drug addiction and the carnage resultant of its aftereffects, he’s still quote off the mark in relation to what an “assault weapon” is. A point that I was more than happy to address:

However, as is his niche, Lloyd not only missed the obvious point that I was making entirely, but in a plot twist that I can honestly say I didn’t see coming, added in a hilariously braggadocious valuation regarding his own self-supposed armed interaction skillset, as well. An assessment that given Morton’s current age of 74, would have made even John Wick wince at its optimistically deluded naivety

Let me sate this as clearly as I can. If my imminent survival ever comes down to being dependent on the alleged urban combat skills of a dimwitted demagogue who, despite not believing in the verifiable reality of legal definitions, still thinks that he can best a dedicated gunman (or gunmen) most likely half his age, as if he’s a septuagenarian Steven Seagal, do me a favor: switch off the lights, lock the doors, turn over the “open” sign, and just go home. Because at that point, the Republic has clearly fallen, and it’s probably for the best.

Take heart through, my wannabe Rambo’s, because Lloyd wasn’t giving up on his fantastical fever-dream of being a Suburban Commando quite just yet, and once again, threw in yet another piece of bolstering re-bar to buttress my often-validated point-of-view that some people shouldn’t be allowed to own a Super-Soaker, much less an assault rifle:  

So, to recap, Captain Oblivious here not only maintains that he’s totally up for the task of taking on what has now become a squad of gunmen in his local Walmart, because that’s how mass shooting incidents now apparently unfold these days, he’s also of the mindset that the previously working laws that were put in place to keep guns out of the hands of such people, are also redundant.

To quote Morton directly; “Laws do nothing! It is swift and severe pun9shment including the death penalty that saves lives.” And yet, while said criminals won’t respect or be even remotely deterred by a magazine law, they’ll somehow be simultaneously intimidated by the possible future application of the death penalty, as administered by the same judicial arm whose gun laws didn’t work to dissuade them from committing the heinous act of mass murder in the first place?

Yeah… that totally makes sense. In retort, all I can say to Lloyd regarding that, is this:

And just in case you missed it, was Lloyd’s assertion that he can manufacture a 60-round clip in his home in an “hour or so”, supposed to strengthen his implied argument that only a good guy with a gun can stop a bad guy (or in Lloyd’s fantasy, “5 or 6”) with a gun, but only if all of the proven laws that have previously kept same said bad guys from getting the guns in the first place, are wholly abolished?

Sadly, this it does not, but it does provide the reassurance that out there in the vanilla mecca that is Morton’s hometown of North Lawrence, OH, there still exists an over-the-hill guntard, who thinks that he requires no less than a threescore of ammunition to provide him the necessary fortitude to go pick up his dry-cleaning, on the off-chance that a “Red Dawn” situation randomly occurs, so I guess that’s a plus.

Now, as you may remember, I did ask Morton no less than twice as to why if criminals don’t follow the law, they why would they fear the retributive aspect of “swift and severe pun9shment including the death penalty”, but as previously described, Morton won’t ever provide a counter-argument when he can just as easily cravenly deflect, as he does here.

Once again, Morton sidesteps the actual issue being discussed, as well as the actual question being asked, but this time, he even brought along a friend to help, the aforementioned Russell Ward Matthews, and in consequence, awkwardly certifies that both he and Matthews are f**king morons, as he does so.

As I am forced to reiterate the point that was already clearly established not by myself but the law-enforcement-abiding entities of this land, the definition of an assault weapon is not, “Anything that you can use to kill people”, as Lloyd so ignorantly and persistently claims.

Under the current popular (as well as legal) definition, an “assault weapon” SPECIFICALLY refers to a semi-automatic gun intended for military use and which possess a rapid rate of fire and high muzzle velocity. Given the consideration that when paired with the efficiency of a large-capacity (15+ rounds) magazine, which allows said rate of fire without needing to reload, the carnage that one of these weapons placed in the hands of the deranged can cause, is a terrifying thought.

No private citizen needs or requires one of these weapons, and that observation is doubled down on, whereas a guy who thinks that the possession of 60 rounds in a public setting “just because”, is something that should be normalized.

To correct Morton’s as usual, ignorantly paranoid misinterpretation of how gun laws actually are implemented and governed, I’d note that gun laws affect law-abiding citizens very much in the same way that laws regarding drunk drivers, affect the ones who are sober. But in a move dripping with the lowliest of backpedaling, Lloyd who claimed that “Laws don’t work”, now implies that they do. Except of course, where and when Guns are concerned, because… um… “reasons”, I guess?

This sort of mental disconnection from established reality that’s being so proudly displayed right here, boys and girls, is why you’re supposed to use gun oil for its intended purpose only, and not as a seriously contending back-up for when your stereotypical choice of masturbatory lubricant, is unavailable.

Now, if I myself were to cosplay as a stereotypical Leftist, I might caustically suggest that Morton’s and Matthews deeply flawed perception of logical gun governance is seemingly akin to an act pf allegorical castration, due to their possibly warranted dread that they’re both packing less than impressive spawn-hammers, but I’m going to take the high road here, and propose the theorem that what it really comes down to, is a mutual in tandem fear of the unknown and unfamiliar.

In essence, their world is changing for the better of the commonality, and they have no ability to ride this cultural shift without submitting to the feeling that they’re under a veil of constant attack. Hence their personal requirement that they need to be locked, stocked and ready to rock, as if they’re part of the Gravy Seals, every time they leave their cravenly citadels to go get their mail or a cup of overpriced coffee.

However, I do love the part where Matthews arrogantly snarks about Democrats thinking
 “that they’re more intelligent” than Conservatives, as he then goes on to state that he does enjoy “messing” with them, as if he’s a 12-year-old girl getting even with a nefarious adversary.

Now to be fair, Matthews does have that constitutional right, but let us also not forget for the sake of the argument that he made, that this conspiracy-posting wackadoo, apparently considered the following meme as being the best benchmark that he could set for proving that the intellectualism of his party he so embarrassingly represents, is on par with the asinine acumen of their mango-man-child figurehead:Well, if this isn’t the quintessential example of Conservative intellectual prowess at its finest, then I truly don’t know what is. Shocking that a guy who so proudly displayed his ignorance concerning the issues of race relations, partisan political manipulation, and a rampant health crisis, would also exhibit the abominable fever-dreams that one might associate with the most virulent of misogynists, as well.  

I should have, now that I think of it, shared my belief that if only his mother had chosen to swallow, none of us would have to listen to the partisan pre-ejaculate that drips ever so consistently out of the ignorant maw that Matthews utilizes as his mouth. Irony, I guess.

Getting back on track, Morton displayed his inability to understand that which was clearly explained to him, by questioning “my” definition of what the term “assault weapon” meant, because as we all sadly know by now, dumbf**ks are gonna dumbf**k, no matter how easy you make it for them not to do so:

However, Morton, resplendent in in his role as an honorary village idiot, was not going to be deterred by such minor trivialities as the verified determinations that are both known if not obvious to those of us with functioning intellects, and mythical God love him, he wasn’t going down without further embarrassing himself first:

Sigh… this is one of those rare times where I start to seriously think that the only way that an idea can be forced into someone’s otherwise empty head, is with the use of either a tire iron, or the musical song-smithing of adorable hand puppets. Here’s the thing: I knew that I’m writing out my responses in the mother tongue that Morton is obviously fluent in, and yet, it still feels as if I’m talking to a wall…

… albeit a dumber than dirt, paranoiac as f**k, and willingly misinformed wall to be sure, but I digress.

It’s long been the prerogative of the Alt-Wrong membership to ply a variety of different gambits to avoid finding themselves trapped within an allegorical box that most of the time they crafted, but this one that Lloyd is using here, is possibly the most infuriating, in particular. I don’t consider myself to be any smarter than the next Snark in line, but JFC, I usually get the overall gist of an explanation the first time round.

But as if he were a mentally-bereft Mandalorian walking his chosen path…… Morton just couldn’t step out of the way of his willful ignorance long enough for the blatantly obvious point that I had repeatedly explained in detail, to work its way into his seemingly addled brain, and accomplish its dark magic unfettered, and unchallenged:

Sadly, while my query remains unanswered due to his blocking me almost immediately after my posting of a fair (if exasperated) question, I’m fairly confident that I already well know what that rejoinder would have been, if Morton had possessed the ability if not the integrity, to be honest in concern to what I had asked. And in a delightful twist, it’s really not in any way, shape or form, a conclusion that was difficult to reach.

Quite simply, modern-day Conservatives cannot grasp what the rest of us easily accept as verified Reality, not because it refuses to bend to their whims, be they practical or maniacal, but for the fact that the end result of their efforts remains the same, as if it were the march of unalterable Time itself. Regardless of what they do, say, or try, they’re seemingly on the wrong side of History, more often than not.

And whether they want to admit it or not, because they are keenly aware of what they truly have come to represent to us all. it just burns them something fierce, to never be the hero of their own self-created inane Iliad.

Can you just imagine? Being on the wrong side of Civil Rights. Being on the wrong side of Women’s body autonomy. Being on the wrong side of Science, Health, and Logic. Being on the wrong side of Humanity, Charity, and Compassion. Being on the wrong side of Christ. And on purpose, no less.

And lastly, being on the wrong side of Personal Freedom, Patriotism, and Hope.

One of the things that I have always found interesting in regards to this association of partisan pinheads, is the wide range of mental instability that forms its nattering nucleus. By way of odious example, there’s the troubling disconnection from verified reality as previously expressed above by Debbie Nowicki Harshbarger, the mid-level range of paranoid fantasy granted us by Russell Ward Matthews, and finally, the common clay circumvention of logicality, as displayed by Morton.

I won’t speak for you of course, but if I consistently discovered that my opinions, beliefs, and core values were warmly embraced by White supremacists, conspiracy theorists, misogynists, supporters of outright treason and insurrection and the obviously insane, I’d like to think that I’d call out sick to work, take a long walk through the woods to ponder the future, and then when I’m done, make a few key life choice decisions, ASAP.

Such as say, not being associated with a political party that welcomes people like this, into its fold?Isn’t it strange, that the very same people who scream their heads off the ;loudest in regards to how their fellow citizens need to “respect” the American flag, have no qualms whatsoever with casting it aside, and replacing it with a symbol of overt racism ,and divisive sedition, whenever they want to inadvertently illustrate just how unamerican that they actually are?

However, what’s even better in my opinion, is when they apply their cluelessness to what may be the best part of this dimwitted demagoguery, that being their wardrobe showing support for their treasonous mango-man-child. And let us not forget, that no matter what we or credible reality may think, they’re definitely NOT in a cult:

See? NOT in a cult. Mainly, because cult members tend to dress way less disturbingly than whatever nightmare fuel avatar this just so happens to be presenting as. And I can only say how lucky this guy is that his lungs aren’t connected to his nose, because otherwise wearing that mask, would have been a pointless endeavor.

But fret not, for these two members of the Greatest Generation, are here to not only save the day by showing these whippersnappers how it’s supposed to be done, but to proudly represent their previously oppressed heritage as well, and it’s no less than truly inspiring:

Staying on theme, may I direct your gaze to this adorable group of female Trumpites, who, at first glance, appear to be nothing more than your garden-variety one-wang-Wilhelmina’s-from-Wichita acting out a scene from Girls Gone Mild, but if you look closer, you’ll notice that they’re resplendent in hoodies that look as if the KKK was now letting Hobby Lobby get all jiggy with their traditional late-night front lawn BBQ robes.

Just my opinion of course, but once seen, it cannot be unseen.

Speaking of which, here’s an example of a done at home icon desecration, wherein this twit took the shield of Captain America, a true patriot, and emblazoned it instead, with the name of a cravenly traitor.:

A man of such low and vile character, if I may be so bold to note him as such, that if he thought he could have gotten away with it, he not only would have sold Hitler all the Zyklon-B he could ever want, he would have done so right after he had muscled his way into assuming full control of the local glass window replacement market, the day after Kristallnacht.

At a highly unreasonable profit, of course.

This is not to say that I believe Trump to be akin to Hitler, as that’s an appallingly ignorant comparison to make, but I do get the feeling that if he had been part of the eventually selected jury pool at the Eichmann trial, he’d be giving daily interviews to the international media, complaining about how poor Adolf was getting railroaded [pun definitely intended\ by the ultimate in cancel culture.

American journalist (and Presbyterian minister) Christopher Lynn Hedges, once observed that; “All cults are personality cults. All cults are really extensions of whoever the cult leader is. So, whatever the prejudices, the worldview and the ideas of the cult leader are they will be chanted back at him by the crowd.

Until massive social and economic inequality as well as the betrayal of the country by the elite are confronted and remedied, this yearning for a cult leader will not go away. Desperate people are looking for somebody to save them.”

While this is an accurate assessment of the MAGA movement, it does raise a singular question: just what exactly, do these slack-brained disciple of dipsh***ery want to be “saved” from? Free thought? A Free Press? Accessible Healthcare? Living peacefully alongside Gays, Transpeople, African-Americans, Muslims, Atheists, and independent women with opinions?

Oh, the sheer horror of it all, am I right?

But Hedges did nail it, as MAGA is comprised of people who’ve collectively substituted rational thought for delusional fantasy, humanity for targeted hatred, and in the case of those who identify as Christian, they’ve either exchanged Christ for Trump, or at the very best, placed him on his level of accordance:

Jesus F**king Christ. Literally. And seriously? I understand that Jesus is allegedly full of forgiveness and all, but given that even Satan won’t return Trump’s phone calls, I can hardly believe that he’d even allow himself to be on the same planet with the guy, much less standing ready with him on the verge of celestial battle

And with John Wayne, no less.

But the faithful throng sees not this dysfunction as being anything other than the standardized norm, and carries forward their mediocre Messiah, emboldened by his glorified magnification of their racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and of course, their sense of fervently jingoistic White Christian Nationalism, that poorly masquerades as a fervent expression of belief in their Fuhrer.

Oops. Did I say “Fuhrer”? My bad. I meant to say: “His Holiness, the Mango-Tinted Twat”. My apologies.

Something about this image triggers a remembrance. I’m not sure what it reminds me of, to be 100% honest, but it does strike as vaguely familiar. Something prideful. Something arrogant. Something based on the same lackluster and hateful principles, but with a far more militaristic vibe.

Oh, wait, I got it! I just had to take my time, and be patient:

I am sincerely contrite for violating the sanctity of civilized debate set by Godwin’s Law, but in my limited defense, the precedent of Nazism is the closest thing that I, in my 54 years walking this ball of Granite and space dust, have ever witnessed to be a near comparable. While I still maintain that it’s repulsive to compare Trump to Hitler, their song and dance act is literally drawn from the same giftige quelle, nevertheless.

Once again, when your particularly personal ideology is warmly embraced by White supremacists, conspiracy theorists, misogynists, supporters of outright treason and insurrection and the obviously insane, I’d strongly suggest outright that you might just be on the wrong side of History, if not Humanity itself.

And yes, it really is that simple. Because for all of the Conservative babble concerning the nearly mythic of Leftists being the arbitrators of political valence within this country, a recent tabulation of such, says otherwise.

According to a study conducted by the Anti-Defamation League, ALL the extremist-related murders in 2022 were committed by right-wing extremists of various kinds, who as a rule, commit the majority of such killings, but the last time they were responsible for all, was back in 2012.

And while it is true that Left-wing extremists do participate in violent acts encompassing the gamut from beatings to politically-motivated arson, they rarely target their adversaries with specifically directed acts of personal violence, as the Alt-Wrong tends to do. This is not to say that the three lummoxes above, are cut from that predominately putrid cloth, but they most certainly applicable in the collective guilt-of weaving it.

In closing out this screed, may I remind you all of one thing: it’s been proven, and this, sadly more than once, that today’s reality-deficient American Conservative, can quite easily become tomorrow’s reason for the GQP to pointlessly offer yet again, their stereotypical “thoughts and prayers” as a faux salve to that which should have been prevented from fomenting in the first place.

And mark my words, the motivations of these persons, who if they ever had a clever thought, it would find itself dying alone and afraid, aren’t going away anytime soon. And even more disturbingly, their cumulatively destructive aftereffects of their ideological indoctrination may last for possibly decades, a point I’ve espoused before, and as you may have already assumed, at some considerable length,

It is me, after all. But never forget this below, is who [and what] these “True Americans and Patriots” really are:

Well. They seem… “spirted”, if not really nice and friendly, with their hearts obviously open to all.

And keep in mind, these images were snapped at a place where these mentally-obese Neanderthals should have been at their happiest; at a Trump rally, among their own kind, both intellectually and melanin-wise, wearing their MAGA best, waving their Chinese-made “TRUMP” banners, and stewing in their own hatred, wondering allied just when they could start lining the “Demonrats” up against the wall.in order to “protect” their kids, their schools, their mythical God, and most importantly, their real spiritual leader:

This guy. The sexual deviant who talked about wanting to “date” his daughter Ivanka. The creep who openly wondered in 1994 on the TV show “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous”, if his then ONE-YEAR-OLD daughter Tiffany, would grow up to have big breasts. You know, like any normal father would? That guy.

Furthermore, this self-admitted attacker of women, dismissed a credible accusation of rape by breezily saying; “She’s not my type”, which indicates rather disturbingly, that there’s not only a “type” that he would rape, he might do so, if given the prime opportunity. This opinion of mine, being based on his despicable assertion that; “when you’re famous, they just let you do it”. That guy.

The hateful, bigoted, narcissistic demagogue, whose personal incompetence overseeing a pandemic, led to the deaths of the citizenry he swore to protect. That guy. The fake university grafter who left behind a trail of bankrupted business carnage, unpaid loans, and used the power of the White House to promote his own business interests. That guy.

The dictator-praising, POW mocking, war-widow insulting, Gold Star Family slandering, American Flag dry-humping, draft dodger and donated Purple-Heart accepting bully, who could affront his supposed enemies be they real or imagined on Twitter or during a train-wreck press conference, but not to their actual faces. That guy.

The lie-spewing, twice-impeached, conspiracy-theory-promoting, cowardly traitor, who through the application of social media outreach, openly fomented an attempted insurrection when he was declared the loser of a fair and legal election, which led to one of the darkest days in American History. That guy.

And all of this abominableness, taking place shortly before he was caught orange-handed via an FBI raid, in illegal possession of classified documents, an embarrassing situation which he tried [and failed] to explain away by offering no less than five different stories regarding why this was. These are known in the trades by the way, as “blatantly transparent lies”. That guy.

As a country, we’re better than that guy, aren’t we?  I say this with supreme confidence, despite all of the seemingly empirical evidence that says otherwise. America has been tested since its inception, and it is certain that it will face duress yet again, but this treasonous piece of rancid offal and his red-hatted Vanilla Vanguard, will not be what we allow to finally breaks us.

Author Neil Gaiman once said in regards to the soul-crushing events of 9-11 that; “Everybody dies. Just as everything created is eventually destroyed. Then what’s the point of anything? The point? Walk the world. Help to feed the hungry, help comfort those in pain. Do what you can to leave the world a better place.”

In essence, don’t be “That Guy” And whenever possible, don’t allow others to turn into the same.,

“The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance; it is the illusion of knowledge.” – Daniel J. Boorstin




Optimism Primed. (Red-slime Stories)

“Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.” – Voltaire

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

How are you currently doing in this, the dawning new year of 2023? Are you happy? Are you excited about the year ahead? Or just like me, are you secretly hoping that it doesn’t look at 2022 with an air of condescending smugness, because it knows it could do far better at being far worse, if only given the unfettered opportunity to do so?

I thought so. Nevertheless, I’m trying my best to start off ol’ 23 here with a positive outlook, no matter what reality and the circumstances attached to it, demand to dictate.

Therefore, the end goal of this, my newest screed, will be to craft a work of non-fiction regarding a work of pure fiction that’s so damn informative, that even total strangers will feel the need to stop me on the street. Even if the reason that they’re doing so, is only to ask and that, rather concernedly, if I’m either psychic, or worse, the closest thing that this generation will ever see to a sentient set of the Encyclopedia Britannica.  

If you’re under 40, and don’t understand that last joke, ask a Gen Xer- they’ll set you straight.

And just in case you’re curious as well, the answers to those two queries would be; no more than any of you, and yes. I may just possibly be. I won’t call it for any of you, of course, but I think that as a concerned collective, we can all agree without any additional debate or serious questioning, that 2022 sucked harder than Melania Trump auditioning for a future non-incarcerated husband.

And this assessment, epic in its inherent acidity, applies evenly across the board, irrespective of the topic to be discussed, as the art of civil debate within this once semi-respected republic, has not only been tossed out the allegorical window, it’s been done so from the very top floor.

By way of example, I will offer the following example, that being one of my last politically-based-exchanges for 2022, with a person who’s traveled so far down the rabbit-hole of established Reality, that he’s entirely bypassed Wonderland, and found himself instead, single-handedly fighting the denizens of Gehenna. Or so he thinks.

Some necessary background context, if may. If there is one thing that’s become apparent over the course of the last few years, it’s that no amount of love, understanding, logic, or undeniable evidence shown to any random member of the personality cult that compromises Trumpism, will ever shake their faith in slavishly worshiping a dime-store-bronzer-dipped demagogue, regardless of whatever contemptible actions he openly engages in.

Whether it’s his proven and numerous acts of adultery, confessed sexual assault, grafting, money-laundering, incompetence, ignorance, racism, bigotry, misogyny, pathological lying, fomenting an attempted insurrection, and self-confessed treason, it’s generally accepted by his adherents, that up is down, and “Black” is never to be allowed to enjoy or even possess, the merest of privileges so amenably afforded to “White”.

For as the Greek philosopher and polymath Aristotle once observed; “Educating the mind without educating the heart, is no education at all,”, and within the abominable creed that underpins the very core of Trumpist ideology, the mind and heart are so disconnected from Reality, that all one needs do as an advocate for the World’s Angrist Creamsicle, is claim that he is in fact, not the villain of whatever false story that our lying eyes and ears have so cruelly concocted, but is instead, the unsung hero of a tale so epic, that no one less than the great poet Homer himself, could have composed it

Now, depending on the source and the level to which they’ve willingly succumbed to what can only be described as the unchecked advancement of severe mental illness, Donald J. Trump, the twice-impeached, adulterous, sexually-predating, treasonous liar, who just also happens to be the former 45th President of the United States, is not at all what he seems. Not by a long shot.

Because in an unexpected plot twist that George RR Martin would happily kill M. Night Shvamalan with a dragon to think of for himself, it turns out that DJT is not only the Greatest [self-declared] President of All-Time, he’s also the Greatest Champion for Sex Trafficking ever, as well.

Oops… I meant to say “Greatest Champion against Sex Trafficking ever”, but when you remember that he at one time, had business and/or personal ties to five well-known pedophiles, was caught on a “hot mic” bragging about sexually assaulting women, and has compiled quite the distasteful list of highly inappropriate commentary regarding women, as well as his own daughter Ivanka, you can easily see why I made such an honest mistake.

See? I didn’t even have to mention that time when he paid a porn-star 130K for sex while his 3rd wife (and 2’nd ex-mistress) was at home, recovering from the birth of their newborn son, nor did I have to raise the somewhat embarrassing fact that the Trump administration had one of the LOWEST rates of sexual trafficking convictions in modern presidential history, ether.

Along those lines, I’m sure that Donny would also appreciate your being kind enough to forget that moment where he wished Ghislaine Maxwell, the child-victim procuring girlfriend of notorious pedophile Jeffery Epstein “well” before her trial. Not once, but TWICE.

And even though she was convicted of conspiracy to entice minors to travel to engage in illegal sex acts, conspiracy to transport minors to participate in illegal sex acts, transporting a minor to participate in illegal sex acts, sex trafficking conspiracy, and sex trafficking of a minor, that’s still no reason to cast doubt upon Trumps dubious prestige as QAnon’s allegorical Savior of the unconscionably victimized.

You know… the children that for some strange reason, he failed to recognize while he was casting open thoughts of goodwill towards their definitive abuser? Try to keep all this in mind, as I introduce you to a fine duo of persons who not only deliberately overlook these massive flaws of both character and basic humanity, they do it ever so willingly, to boot.

The conversation about to be presented, kicked off with my being made aware this simply charming meme, depicting Lady Liberty, who’s been presumably victimized by the politically Left, being assured by a condescendingly misogynistic Uncle Sam, that she’s not to worry, for “We’re Coming”. Although what this means, given its vagueness about whom is coming and why, remains known only to Mike Mooradian, the poster of this slice of paranoid propaganda:

Fortuitously, Mooradian was nice enough to clarify the idiocy festering within the cesspit of his obviously intellectually-bereft mind, by not only giving us his take of “This hit me hard this morning. A shit storm is coming and you patriots better be ready.” as a punctuation-free lead-in, but in addition, also opened up the debate floor to his equally obsessed oracles of obliqueness, as well:

Maybe it’s just me, but has anyone else noticed that despite possessing an ability to unravel the evil tapestry of what is clearly a worldwide cabal using nothing save the ever-shrieking voces in their heads, that the architects of such puritanical patriotism, openly display the spelling and grammatical skillset of those particular call-center operatives who notify you at all hours of the day, about your need to renew your car’s extended warranty?

Far funnier though, is their collective delusion regarding that not only was the attempted insurrection of January 6th 2020 a predetermined “set-up”, designed to besmirch the impeccable reputation of the aforementioned and eternally-disgraced mango-tinted man-child who fomented it, but that such was put into motion by the same malevolent machinate responsible for the crafting of the “satanic” Georgia Guidestones monument, as well. 

And while I know what you’re thinking, let me assure you all, that the “Georgia Guidestones” are not, and I repeat, are NOT; a tribute band that merges the lyrical witticisms of the defunct rock band the Georgia Satellites, with the blues-based iconicity of the Rolling Stones. Sure, it was a good guess on your part, and an even better concept for a musical act, but that would still be a solid “no”, all the way around.

For the uninitiated, the Georgia Guidestones was a monument erected in1980, and was composed of six separate slabs of granite, topping off at a height of 19 feet 3 inches, with a combined weight of 237,746 pounds. Located in Georgia, the state that by the thinnest of margins, decided that perhaps well-known hypocrite and deadbeat dad Herschel (”I wanna be a Werewolf now”) Walker, was maybe not the sanest choice to represent them in Congress, the GG’s were the subject of as equally unintelligent controversy, from the first day of their allegorical birth.

Nicknamed the “American Stonehenge” by some, it was created out of the shared concern firmly held by its originators, that there was going to be an upcoming social, nuclear, or pecuniary catastrophe that would end modern-day society as we know it, and therefore, the design element of said monument, was to serve as a guide for whatever form of humanity would arise from our metaphorical ashes, as it were. Like a deceased Jedi Masters’ Force ghost, but far more weather-resistant, if not twice as cryptic.

Sandblasted into the monuments four primary supporting granite slabs, in eight different languages, those being: Arabic, Russian, Chinese, English, Hindi, Spanish, Hebrew, and Swahili, were ten “guides for mankind”- inscriptions that sought to give sage advice to the replacement generation. And just what exactly, did the advisements suggest that caused delusional morons like Baeza Jr to label them as “Satanic”?

Well, get ready to clutch your allegorical pearls, because here they are: [1] Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature. [2] Guide reproduction wisely- improving fitness and diversity.. [3] Unite humanity with a living new language. [4] Rule passion- faith- tradition- and all things with tempered reason. [5] Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts. [6] Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court. [7] Avoid petty laws and useless officials. [8] Balance personal rights with social duties. [9] Prize truth- beauty- love- seeking harmony with the infinite. [10] Be not a cancer on the Earth- leave room for nature.

Dear. Mythical. God. Have you ever read a testament to the future that was ever this blatantly, if not cold-bloodedly, evil? I mean… maintaining a balance and living with Nature? Uniting Humanity? The use of Reason to guide society? Applying the application of the Law equally and justly? And in an unhinged proposal that should strike terror into the hearts of even the steeliest among us, we should “prize” Truth and Love?

Clearly, whomever created this monolith of malevolent intent, never consulted a Conservative Christian in regards to just how ridiculous this would all sound, when taken at face value.

If this architectural Antichrist had been allowed to stand unmolested, I can almost guarantee that we’d be currently overrun by random people just walking around, saying inane stuff like; “Love thy neighbor”, or even worse, finding themselves inspired to build houses of worship, wherein they might even preach the message that we collectively should; “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, and other unhinged nonsensicalities such as that.

Can you just imagine the ramifications of that occurring?

The next thing you know, these zealots would be all over TV complaining about strangers whose lifestyles they find objectionable, insisting that their unaccredited doctrine be forced upon and into, our schools, government, and personal healthcare decisions, and to top it all off, you just know we’d never hear the end of their libelous litany claiming “persecution”, if they didn’t get their way 100% of the time.

Foreseeing all that, it’s probably a good thing that in July of 2022, the GG’s were blown sky-high in an act of-politically-inspired-domestic-terrorism, which most certainly, was influenced by decades of Right-Wing conspiracy theories formed by lunacy, fueled by fearful ignorance, and eventually realized, utilizing the crudity of what has been assumed to be a homemade bomb.

As it was in the past, when Black Churches were the figureheads of the civil rights movement, the answer as always for Conservatives to excising something out of their pathetically wretched lives that they don’t like, appreciate or can even be bothered to try and f**king understand, even though it doesn’t personally affect them at all, is to try and destroy it.

Hell, if the Alt-Wrong managed to do it to civil discourse if not comin sense in this country, using only their neurotic nitroglycerin, what chance in allegorical Hell would a few rock pillars have against their actually applied dynamite?

None whatsoever. America. F**k yeah.

Naturally, as I tend to be somewhat reactionary to the cerebral obsequiousness of conspiracy theory, in what are supposed to be otherwise mentally functional adults, I of course, just had to toss in my own two cents, and as I can’t just go around throwing my loose change at obliviousness lunatics, I made my response a two-for-the-price-of-one special:

Now, in case you aren’t aware, the modern-day male member of the personality cut that fails to masquerade itself as the Conservative movement in this country, truly loathes Liberals with a hatred so intense, that if it were applied equally to actually learning something useful and beneficial to the society at large, we’d all have jet packs, flying cars, and a flawlessly perfect sequel to “Highlander” by now.

And when college-educated, reality-based, fact-spouting progressives (such as myself) openly dare to mock their self-declared Alpha status? Well then just sit back, and watch all heck break loose.

Interestingly, you can label them as stupid, refer to them as them as submissively pathetic cultists, or even slur them collectively as nothing less than deplorable supporters of Treason, and do so, without causing so much as a ripple in their shallow end of the gene pool, but if you infer that they’re a Beta…just be prepared to accept that at best, you’re going to see the best representation of what happens when a can of AXE body-spray achieves middling sentience:

My own personal misspelling of “sure’ and lack of a comma after “God”, aside, I think it’s safe to say that witty comebacks are not the forte of the two toxically conservative Cucks. Wisely, Mooradian ducked out of further engagement on this particular Facebook thread, leaving the supremely amusing task of one embarrassing themselves online to his 2’nd lieutenant Danny Baeza Jr, who came up with witticisms such as this:

As a person who engages regularly with persons devoid of significantly functioning critical-thinking abilities, I’ve often wondered why the two most common so-called debate tactics that the Alt-Wrong relies on, is stating that either someone is a NAZI, or the equally ridiculous option that they’re a Satanist, just because said person stands in direct opposition to their transparently obvious lack of intelligence.

Don’t misunderstand me- I do in fact know and more importantly believe, that both of those two things still do exist in the modern age, but the odds that the person being conservatively slandered while they’re advocating for the application of Logic and a concern for the well-being of others, is actually covered by either one of these definitions, are fairly slim.

But as it often is with the Disciples of Dipshittery that form the political bowel movement that is Trumpism, once they get a hold of an alleged “burn”, they can’t let go, and sometimes even add a soundtrack to it:

Damn… that is a dick move, Danny. Employing the work of American musical icon Johnny Cash, to push a vile misrepresentation of the Word? Man, you are ever do lucky that he’s dead, because if he had heard you say this crap out loud, the Man in Black himself would have hit you over the head with his guitar. You’ve heard his song, “A Boy named Sue”? You would have been the subject of its equally amusing follow-up, “A Man-boy made Goo”.

Fret not however, for as the old adage goes, “two can play that game”, and my side has got some serious musical militiamen of its own, aided by my (as always) ever so sensitive observations:

For those of you unfamiliar with the song that I posted as a retort, all that I can say regarding it, is that if you’re the type who believes in the concept of a celestial Skydaddy that is both mythical and sociopathic, then you’re probably not going to be in any kind of rush to add this particular work by Frank Turner to your chosen Spotify listing.

A selected example from the song’s possibly provocative lyrics: “Brothers and sisters, have you heard the news? The storm has lifted and there’s nothing to lose, So swap your confirmation for your dancing shoes, Because there never was no God.” “Step out of the darkness and onto the streets, Forget about the fast, let’s have a carnival feast, Raise up your lowered head and hear the liberation beat, Because there never was no God.”

Sadly, despite the sheer catchiness of said song, Baez Jr still felt compelled to double down on his conspiracy theory cocktail, chased with whatever the hell it is that the voices in his head manufacture, and then falsely present to him, as nothing less than incontestable fact:
As long as I live, I will never understand where critics of the modern-day Conservative movement and the MAGAts that currently compromise its core membership, have gotten the idea that same said individuals are wholly insane loons, incapable of rational thought or action, when such intellectually-gifted individuals such as Danny Baeza Jr here, are carrying its allegorical banner to the heights of truly civil, if not well-measured, political discourse. 

s commentary is deeply disturbing for its dedication to an inarguably insane and easily debunked theorem, it’s far more alarming that a person this mentally unwell, walks among us unfettered, if not unmedicated. Given the earlier proof offered concerning Trump’s lack of character in concern to sexual ethics, I’d opine that perhaps Baeza’s faith in him as a chosen agent of God, may be a tad bit misdirected.  

As is the trust that Mike Mooradian (our original FB thread originator) has ostensibly placed in whatever quality test that he’s applied to his personal association with Baeza Jr. It has often been said, that one is judged by the company one keeps, and if Baeza Jr here, serves as the standard-bearer for Mooradian’s litmus test, I’d strongly recommend that future customers of his business, Mooradian Investing LLC, located in Longmont, Colorado, take their money elsewhere, ASAP.

This is not due to any feeling or belief that Mooradian is unethical or crooked, but that if I were to invest in any form of such commerce, I sure as hell wouldn’t entrust my hard-earned greenbacks to an allegedly delusional person who seemingly advocates overthrowing the current standing government, based on the lies of the Count of Mostly Crisco.

Unless of course, Mooradian is investing in the corporate prisons that will be built to incarcerate not only Trump and his inner circle of fellow coup planners, but the numerous Trump allies, associates, simple-minded insurrectionists, and media propagandists who haven’t been savvy enough to cut deals with the DOJ just yet, as well.

In which case, I’d advise that you go all in with everything that you can throw in, because the long-term dividends are going to be huge. This fiscal advice aside, there’s still the unresolved issue of my zany zealot Danny Baeza Jr, to wrap up.

Preferably in a straitjacket, but I’m fairly certain, given my opinion that his family tree most likely resembles a replacement lead for a mechanical pencil, a deal for this fervent hope of mine to be borne into reality, was already in the works as I wrote these final words, after he had asked me one thankfully last time, whether or not I worshiped Satan, and I assured him (yet again) that I did not, as he’s a myth to begin with:

A word of advice for the unknowledgeable out there regrading those such as myself, who openly identify as being an Atheist? As I noted previously, if I don’t believe in your sociopathic Skydaddy, then it’s a sure bet that I in tandem, don’t place much stock in the dysfunctional relationship that he so puzzlingly maintains with his highly disgruntled ex-employee, either.

I’d also like to note that at no point, then or now, did Mooradian bother to attempt any form of direct intervention regarding Baeza Jr’s salacious and erroneous claims, which in essence, only goes to prove the validity of the long-held maxim that “Silence = Complicity”, an assessment that only solidified itself for me, after this exchange on an earlier posting of his:

Yes… “No one looks for a Liberal” when “shit hits the fan”, Mike. Not a single soul. For as we all know, there are no Liberal policemen, no Liberal doctors, no Liberal care workers, no Liberal firemen, and most certainly, no Liberal soldiers to be found within a mile of any emergency requiring the intervention of the concerned.

Newsflash, genius- when a tragedy has occurred, political party lines should be essentially erased, necessary alliances need to be forged, nobody with a working soul and brain, is “looking”: for anything, save for decent humans who can assist them in their time of need, and your party is so not stocked-up with any of those.

Because if there’s one thing that is as certain as the act of a Conservative deflecting or projecting, it’s that the political party who consistently votes against aiding storm-wracked states and American territories, who denies veterans their due benefits, all while giving them faux lip service, and engages in human trafficking by putting the undocumented on a plane paid for by American taxpayers, to another state for a cheap political PR stunt, are truly the best of us all, right?

After all, let’s not overlook the time when the mango man-child Mooradian adores, claimed that on the darkest day that was 9-11, that he; “went down to Ground Zero with men who worked for me to try to help in any little way that we could. We were not alone. So many others were scattered around trying to do the same. They were all trying to help.”

Unfortunately for our former Commander-in-Cheat, there is ZERO evidence that any workers hired by, or working in conjunction with Trump, ever helped with the cleanup efforts. Nor are there any valid eyewitness accounts, photos, or any news footage, showing him actively engaging in coordinating such activity, either.

But all is not lost regarding the message of Mooradian’s meme, for on the very same day of the synchronized terrorist attack, Trump, the self-declared provider of imaginary workmen, called WWOR TV to ostensibly discuss the tragedy, as all community-orientated real-estate developers like to do.

However, Trump for whatever reason, felt that the tragedy of the day required a perspective of sorts that concerned him alone, and in doing so, uttered a comment so vile in its cluelessness, that it still stands as monstrous not just for its insensitivity, but also for the braggadocio that underpins it: “I mean, 40 Wall Street actually was the second-tallest building in downtown Manhattan. And it was actually- before the World Trade Center- was the tallest. And then when they built the World Trade Center, it became known as the second-tallest, and now it’s the tallest.

At the time when this repulsive commentary was uttered, both towers of the World Trade Center had already collapsed, the Pentagon had suffered severe damage and multiple casualties, a hijacked plane intended for god-knows-what-target had been forced into a crash by the actions of its self-sacrificing passengers, and nearly 3,000 people had been murdered in the process, but hey…

…Donny’s got the best view in NYC now, so let’s all focus on that, instead. And as we do, we’ll just ignore the fact that it was, like most of his exclamations, a bald-faced lie, as in the 1970’s, 40 Wall Street was not the tallest building in lower Manhattan before the period in which the Twin Towers were erected, nor was it even the tallest after the events of 9-11, as well.

Nevertheless, when I pointed out the erroneous nature of Mooradian’s claim, albeit with a ton of misspellings, die to my nerve-damaged hands utilizing the smallest keypad I’ve ever used in my life, he reacted in the only way that a Conservative knows how- to double down on his inane assertions of that which is not, and never has been, based in actual reality:  

I love how when he’s confronted, this paragon of alleged masculinity responds with the classic “I know you are, but what am I” defense gambit that’s been the hallmark of every chastised 4th grader since the early 70’s, and the go-to lame retort for every Conservative failing at winning a debate, since Trump turned the GOP into the GQP.  

But a question was inferred, and therefore I will answer it- you’re a f**king moron Mike, but as you already knew that, repeating that which is obvious, seems kind of redundant. But jackasses are gonna jackass, regardless of the fact that you just warned them of what tools were at your disposal in order to prove them not just wrong, but hilariously so.

At the time, I honestly did think that I was pretty clear in declaring what I could use as such, but apparently in his zeal to openly display his ignorance, Mooradian somehow skipped over that part, and instead introduced a series of false (and long-debunked) claims to muddy the waters, all of which, I was more than happy to clear up for him, if he desired me to do so:

At the time, I honestly did think that I was fairly open in declaring what I could use as such, but apparently in his zeal to openly display his ignorance, Mooradian somehow skipped over that part, and instead, chose to introduce a series of false (and long-debunked) claims to muddy the waters that he clearly couldn’t defend by using credibly verified evidence.

So. as I tend to be a rather charitable person when I find myself going toe to toe with a mentally-bereft and politically-submissive sycophant, I (once again) reminded him of a reality that he quite evidently, hadn’t ever taken into consideration, that being the fact that political documentation exists, and none of it backs up his puerile partisanship whatsoever.

Given Mooradian’s inference that Liberals aren’t masculine, you might assume that he’d interpret my offer to debate the reality of my commentary using actual facts, as nothing less than a metaphorical gauntlet being shaved in his face, and accept the challenge, but in doing so, you’d find yourself being proven dead wrong,

For as often sems to be the case when Conservatives find themselves cornered by the indisputable, Mooradian reacted like the cravenly bitch I already knew him to be, and “blocked” me, rather than face the theoretical possibility that I was about to happily serve him his own empty head on a silver platter, replete with a side dish of whoop-ass, just to balance it out.

This particular act of intellectual and ideological cowardice aside, running away from established Truth is seemingly nothing new for Mooradian, and despite all evidence to the contrary, he revels in his belief of an improbable conspiracy machinated by an insidious cabal, much in the same way that I maintain my faith in the theorem that Nickelback being allowed to release ten chart-topping albums, is a surefire sign that there is quite obviously, no God.

However, so far as Mooradian is concerned, the validity of God’s existence is the least of his imaginary worries, because as he sees it, his own government was caught red-handed, plotting an insurrection against itself, in order to … um… well, the true details are a bit fuzzy at this stage, but rest assured, not-so-magic Mile here, knows what’s really going on:

I won’t speak for you of course, but I do think that it’s a wonderful sign of our country’s aptitude for tolerance, that we openly allow the ostensibly mentally-ill, to have unimpeded access to the largest information dissemination source on the planet, regardless of the outcome of the intentional damage that they do to established facts, social civility, and/or political progressiveness.

Nevertheless, if I were to speak on behalf of my asinine faux insurrectionist, may I note that it’s actually spelled “Capitol”, attacking it is still a federal and prosecutable crime, and after the repulsive events of J6, I’m fairly certain that the Capitol Police would be more than up to engage in a blood-feud rematch with Mooradian’s fellow brain-dead cultists.

And without any sarcasm involved Mikey, J6 was a “patriot event” as your ideology’s form of modern-day nationalistic pride has as much in common with actual patriotism, as Donald J. Trump does with marital fidelity.

By the way, does anybody else remember when Mooradian had a mini-meltdown, saying that it was, and I quote: “Typical of the liberal Democrat communist to post some bullshit and not have any proof”, and then, when actually presented with the offer of some, he immediately tucked his tail between his legs, and fled like the mango-tinted coward whom he admires so much?  

Well, just keep that in mind, because our resident Hercule Poirot wannabe here, is about to present his well-researched treasure trove of irrefutable evidence, and even when viewed with the most cynical of eyes, it’s still stunningly persuasive:

o accurately recap, a bumper-sticker quoting demagogue, who lauds the overthrow of our democracy by faux patriots based on the insane lies and whims of a sanctimonious sack of gilded lunchmeat, heard from an unnamed “source” within the FBI, that several agents have been tried for their alleged collusion in fomenting the events of that day, without the Alt-Wrong press, Trump’s lawyers, or other cabinet officials, somehow catching wind of it, mind you,
Strangely, despite the evidently sold proof that Mooradian didn’t provide one way or the other, I still felt compelled to see with my own eyes just where this devastatingly relevant information was coming from, and to my surprise, I found that it wasn’t actually coming from anywhere, save for the critically devoid of intellect voices imprisoned within the confines of the spoiled cabbage that Mooradian wittily calls his brain:

Well, this is peculiar, because regardless of whatever search terms I typed in regarding any FBI agent/s being prosecuted for collusion leading to the outcome of J6, I got zilch. Zero. Diddly-squat. Goose-eggs. NADA.

Now as I, along with the rest of you, all live in a democratic republic, and not one based on the rule of bananas, I find Mooradian’s assertion of “secret trials” not only absurd, but somewhat pathetic, to boot. If there was indeed such evidence to be found, given the reality of modern-day mass media and the hackerdom that monitors it, this fever-dream would be quite literally, the biggest story on Earth, and I can assure you that it would be milked harder than a VIP guest hanging out at the Grotto located at the Playboy Mansion.

And while i don’t wish to sound somewhat condescendingly smug, I hardly think that the self-declared CEO of an investment firm that clears less than *100K annually and which was founded in 2019, would have been gifted the inside track on anything allegedly Deep State related, unless it refers to either getting a really sweet deal on promotional items, or knowing the cheapest place in Longmont to entertain a potential client.
*[Details listed at: https://www.buzzfile.com/business/Mooradian-Investing-303-908-9842]

But if one unfounded conspiracy involving an imaginary cover-up is fun to ruminate over, then certainly tossing in additional one that’s based on paranoic lunacy, and just as easily debunked, as Mooradian’s fantastical tale regarding the FBI, should be twice as fun to discuss, am I right?

Of course, I am. After all, isn’t it my responsibility to take you through this metaphorical minefield of madness safely, if not disquietly?

I will give a clue as to its content however, before I introduce yet additional of Mooradian’s groundless fever-dreams, and it is this: I love how the MAGAt ilk being purposefully unaware of the reality that exists around them, somehow directly translates such, into a Machiavellian scheme designed to control the populace at large, using the most deceptive of insidious measures:   

A simple Google search will reveal mass confusion regarding this particular news story, but the overall consensus is that it never actually happened, and is more of an urban myth, rather than an actual occurrence. So far as my deep-dive research has shown, the story may originate from a news-service banner crawl that was allegedly broadcast on both CBS and CNN, claiming that explosives had been found under the GW Bridge in NYC on 9-11, 2001:

The one consistent thing I did find however, were improbable theories, spurious speculations, and surprisingly, a smattery of antisemitism, circulating through the entrenched roots of this fable made ethereal flesh.

If I were to poke a few holes within the floorboards of this duplicitous dinghy of a story, I’d note that from the moment the duo of planes hit the Twin Towers until their tragic and eventual collapse a short time later, NYC was in a state of total chaos, and remained in such, for days afterward.

And while NYC’s most prominent landmarks were checked for hidden dangers over the next few weeks and it’s on-ground security forces were subsequently on high alert for months as well, there was simply not enough unencumbered civil resources. or the application of command to undertake any such form of deliberately close inspection on that particularly dark day, no matter how much Mooradian would like to suggest that there was.

But as the saying that I just, made up goes, “Dumbf**ks are gonna dumbf**k, no matter what”, and when it comes to the proof of that maxim, Mooradian finds himself allied with a wide slew of as equally uniformed mentally-shuffling pinheads, some of whom it pains me to say, may be even far dumber than even he appears to be:

Let me tell you, it’s so nice to see an “A” level game being presented when it comes to individual madness, is it not? But as an aside, exactly what is a “Patriot” supposed to dress like? Because I’m pretty sure that the outfit of one who claims to be such, doesn’t include zip-ties, Confederate flags, or the emblazoning of a wannabe fascists name, across their chest, but maybe that’s just me.

For those of you who may be new to the idioms of this country, “And everybody knows it”, is a convenient catch-phrase that modern-day conservatives use in place of willingly providing verifiable evidence to prove whatever it is that they’re claiming happened.

While it can be considered a relatively new tool of the GQP, it’s been used do many times at this point, that it’s literally become an almost cliche admission that no such proof for said claim, actually exists. Please reference the subjects of “Micro-chipped Vaccines”, “Frazzledrip”, “Pizzagate”, “New World Order”, “Deep State Machinations”, and “A Watchable Cut of Highlander 2”, for a deeper understanding, if such is actually required.Naturally, whenever I encounter one of these mewling morons online, I do my best to play Devil’s Advocate as it were, and attempt to see things from their side of the fence, regardless of just how misguided and wholly paranoid it may be. Fortunately, for your entertainment if not my own, I tend to fail rather spectacularly at this sort of thing:

Yes, I know, I know… I used the same joke. Twice. Truly, I am sorry. But it is a good joke, and I do so like to get my money out of them before they die. Speaking of which, the act of consistently reanimating that which should remain dead, is also a Conservative staple, as it comes in handy whenever their attempts to deflect or terrorize, fail to take root.

Your mango-man-child got caught paying off a porn star for 30 seconds of sex? Bring up the decades-old Clinton/Lewinsky affair. He got busted stealing classified documents? Casually mention Hillary’s 3 unauthorized e-mails, as if they’re equivalent. And if your twice-impeached and utterly disgraced ex-President suggests that we should abolish the Constitution due to non-existent voter fraud?

Well then, just start babbling about this disproven garbage instead, and hope for the best:

Now seems like a good time to remind everyone, save for the more astute of you that may have already guessed, that this is patently false. What Art Summers is referring to here, is the idiocy that in 2012, Former President Barack Obama signed into law, a codicil making it legally permissible for the media to purposely lie to the American people.

Alas, to the ever-eternal woe of the Alt-Wrong slimeballs behind the marketing of the lies presented hourly on FOX, OAN, Breitbart, Epoch Times, Newsmax, Gateway Pundit, Truth Veritas, and the Daily Caller, this is incorrect, but I guess a morally rudderless group of demagogues can dream the ultimate dream, even if it does come with the crippling effect of having no actual remorse for what they’ve willingly done, whatsoever.

This falsehood stems from the moment when Obama signed the National Defense Authorization Act in 2013, a legislative move which in and of itself, was not intended to repeal the Smith-Mundt Act, but instead, eased some limitations concerning domestic dissemination of media that was government-funded.

With Obama’s signature, the law now allows Americans who freely want to access government-funded media content, such as the Voice of America and/or Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty, the ability to do so “upon request.”. An entreaty which before the change of the law, was nearly unobtainable to fulfill.

And yet, despite the fact that Americans are still able to access much of this restricted content online, the law as it currently exists, clearly mandates that it is STILL ILLEGAL, (read that again, conspiracists) for government-funded media to produce and/or market, their content to America’s citizenry.

Hilariously, not only is all the info I just laid out for you relatively easy to find, but so is the agency [AKA: The Global Engagement Center, or “GEC” for short] listed on the meme as a reference for the meme’s “research”, which as you all now know, was never actually sought out, or even remotely utilized to begin with. And for a malevolence purportedly designed to deceive the Amwr9can public at large, they sure don’t seem interested in keeping a low profile:

Even more ballsy? They’ve posted their evil plan right out in the open for all to see, as well:

Goddamn… I don’t know who’s currently in charge of the GEC at the moment, but they’re definitely the kind of hands-on administrator that SPECTRE, Black Sun, KAOS, The League of Assassins, COBRA COMMAND, The Umbrella Corporation, and HYDRA, should give serious regard to, concerning their hopefully being poached away from the Federal Government.

And if those agencies turn out to be dead ends for the GEC’s mist valuable team player, there’s always the possibilities of their floating a resume over to the Masons, the Illuminati, and whomever it is that keeps greenlighting those increasingly godawful Fantastic Four franchise reboots:

Nevertheless, let’s try and keep this nationalistically-inspired pandemic of Folie à plusieurs in some sort of perspective, if we may. Also known as shared delusional disorder, or SDD, for the laypersons reading this, the “madness pf many” as such translates, manifests itself as a mental disorder in which delusional beliefs, and occasionally even hallucinations, are transmitted from one individual to another.

Feel free to raise your hands, if this reminds you of any virulent ideology assorted with a particular American political party as of late, because I most certainly have one in mind. As should you all, come to think of it. To be fair, in its mildest incarnation, it can disingenuously present itself as somewhat amusing, if not outright bizarre:However, the flip side of this malevolently gilded medallion, is what can be resultant of its insidiousness, when said collective delusions are taken not only as gospel by their dimwitted disciples, but are also machinated into a directly targeted series of actions, as well. And rest assured, when zealous lunatics are conceived that they alone are the virtuous who are tasked to cleanse “their” world of those they’ve deemed as the wicked, no one is safe

The madness isn’t over, just because Trump got his larded ass handed to him by populist decree in 2020- it will be with us for years to come, perhaps even decades. That is, if the current crop of GQP/Pro-Trump stooges currently serving as cravenly conduits, get to have their say, and/or way. Not to mention, the nutbars that the modern-day conservative movement has created remain among us, spreading the infection still, and if anything, adding even more unhinged layers of inanity icing to their conspiracy cupcakes:

Sigh… somewhere out there in this great Republic of ours, exists a small village, quietly wondering where its resident idiot ran off to, and praying ever so earnestly that it was either into the mouth of an active volcano, or preferably, an overly hungry shark. This sort of thing is one of those tragic examples of a human failing at not only logic, but the keeping of a firm grasp on their already limited sanity, as well.

Let’s unpack what is being presented to us here- it’s not an inquisitive theorem based on fact, but a hardcore case pf mental disengagement from all known reality. First, there’s the issue of the deliberately vague context given regarding the three people pictured, and more importantly, the names of said depicted remain unknown to us as well, which if you want them to become “famous”, is going to manifest itself as being somewhat problematic down the allegorical road.

This lack of credible detail, in and of itself, is not at all surprising, as MAGAts tend to like their conspicuous left open-ended, if only for the wriggle room that such provides, but to cast attempted insurrectionist Ashli Babbitt, the first-time posthumous winner of the newly-minted Congressional “F**k Around and Find Out” Medal, as a complicit double-agent?

Say what you will about these morons, but give them some serious props for kicking their crazy into 4th gear, and running over the family dog, as they do so. For those of you not in the know, Ashli Babbit was, and I repeat WAS, a veteran of the United States Air Force, who after being infected with the scourge that is the ideology of the QAnon political movement, found herself among the mob of traitors that stormed the US Capitol building on ten morning of January 6th, 2020.

On January 5, 2021, the day before the assault on the Capitol, Babbitt tweeted: “Nothing can stop us….they can try and try but the storm is here and it is descending upon DC in less than 24 hours….dark to light….”

Sadly for Babbitt, her prediction of nothing being able to stop “us” was proven adamantly false, when she was fatally shot in the neck by a Capital police officer, after being warned not to continue her advance of attempting to climb through the shattered window of a barricaded door within the Capitol’s restricted-to-the-public area.

The US Capitol Police eventually ruled this thinning of the ignorant MAGA herd as “lawful and within Department policy”, noting in addition that such an action; “potentially saved Members (of Congress) and staff from serious injury and possible death”. And when given the fact that said insurrectionists were actively searching offices for specific individuals and chanting about hanging then VP Mike Pence, I tend to agree with this assessment.

Babbitt was and will always be, a tragically misguided traitor to the country she once swore to protect, and the truly heart-rending reality of it all, is that she undertook her actions under the banner of a mango-man-child who quite honestly, wouldn’t condescend to spit on her corpse if it were on fire. But now, according to the MAGA malcontent that is Susi Downs, she’s part of the Machiavellian malevolence that is the Deep State?

With no due respect Mrs. Downs, I’d opine that it would be rather diplomatic of me, if I dare suggested that the beat part of you, dribbled down your mother’s chin. But Susi of the Bat**it Banshees, isn’t alone in her dissemination of lunacy, for as I inferred earlier, this club is open to all- well, at least those who are willing to check their brains at the proverbial door, that is.

Let’s look at one of the unmentioned elephants just wandering around freely in the room, if we may- despite Trump’s two years of weakly asserting that J6 was the result of noble patriots protesting a “rigged election”, he has yet to do anything to help same said loyalists who’ve been charged with a wide variance of crimes relating to the riot.

Close to 1000 people face consequences ranging from minor to major, for acting out in support if Trump’s whims, and thus far…  he hasn’t done squat for any of them. Not one rally dedicated to raising the money required for a competent legal defense, not one act on their behalf of offering his under-oath testimony given in person, or more realistically, by video deposition, and most tellingly, not one dime documented coming out of his closed to his followers’ pockets, either.

Nine if this matters to his cult of personality pinheads though, because despite all evidence to the contrary, they collectively “just know” that no matter what, their Supreme Leader would never even think of abandoning them in the same way that he has his wives, mistresses, friends, family, and eventually- most trusted allies, for years. Some of this ever-virulent connection to outright madness can be mildly off-kilter, such as this particular exchange here:

Damnit.  Just noticed that I used the same joke thrice. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m seriously tired of dealing with these inane idiots, or if I’m just hitting a lazy phase in my middle-age. Probably both. Bath is good. Now, whole Kevin is obviously living in a world chick-full of Republican rainbows and erroneously selective comprehension, our next looney-tune Trumpist exists in a world that has gone full dark:

I’m not entirely sure what’s currently eating Gibert Gripe here, but I’d lay serious odds that it’s exceedingly hard to pronounce. However, as I’d like to encourage the creative impulse residing within my fellow citizens, let me just say that if this rambling whatever the f**k it is, were to ever be made into a movie directed by *Douglas Eric Liman, I would watch the hell out of it, without a trace of guilt.
[Swingers, The Bourne Identity, Mr. & Mrs. Smith,]

But as it is with all things in MAGA World, no matter what the topic is, be it factual or fantastical, there’s always a mentally-defective cultist who manages against all odds, to craft delusional disingenuousness into a cautionary tale as to just why if you go to a person’s house and they don’t have any books, having sex with them should be an option that’s immediately removed from the table of future plans.

And if you think I’m being overly cynical, then please enjoy the following evidentiary proof:

I cannot even begin to apologize for putting you through that, but imagine you were me, sitting at home, resplendent in your Nightmare before Christmas pajamas, eating a bowl of Cap’n Crunch at 2 in the morning, and you accidentally came across this person, who can legally drive, own a gun, handle sharp pointy things, reproduce, and most terrifyingly… VOTE.

As noted above, I’m not entirely sure what’s currently eating Gibert Gripe here, but I can say that it’s moving through his rapidly degenerating brain, faster than Taylor Swift runs through boyfriends. And while his expressing himself isn’t a crime, his mangling of the English language, along with its grammar and the proper spelling of its vast lexicon, should be.

And lest ye have forgotten, all of this is presented as nothing less than a representational tribute to the twice-impeached, treasonous, lying, grafting, perverted, insurrectionist, and wannabe fascist, who posted this:

Normally, I would refer to this tiny-handed, soulless, morally corrupt, allegedly mushroom-dicked, whore-mongering (and impregnated mistress marrying) piece of human pudding skin, with some colorful if not derogatory nickname, such as “The White Pride Piper”, or maybe even ”The Lone DeRanger”, both of which in my humble estimation, I feel are dead-on. in my ever so humble estimation.

Nevertheless, and speaking only for the eventually to be archived for posterity historical narrative, I think the most apt account of him is simply that he’s no less than a feige Verräterin, who even at his best, is still the worst bedrohung zu Demokratie, that America has ever had to face from within itself.

Feel free to Google those descriptives, because for the money, the German language has some of the best wards ever to describe that which is normally intangible. For instance, the word “Backpfeifengesicht”, which in rough translation, refers to a face that is badly in need of a punch to it.

Which, if we are to be truly honest, is a perfectly normal reaction when one finds themselves in close proximity to any singular person who openly, if not proudly, still supports this treasonous and scrotum-chinned, degenerate baboon. After all, it’s bad enough that we had to endure four far-too-long years of this man-child’s scandals, sexism, racism, naked avarice, stunning incompetence, and narcissistic commentary amounting to nothing, save for piles of literal and pointless word salad.

But now? Dealing with his never-ending fever-dream, wherein he’s the undeserving victim of a cravenly cabal intent on keeping him from the power that he alone, should wield without the oversight of that pesky Constitution he’d prefer be terminated, has been nothing less than a national embarrassment.

And as you’d expect, his calling for the cessation of the very document that our country was founded on and under, raised almost zero concerns among the most devoted of his slavish sycophants.

And while it is true that Rep. Adam Kinzinger, who served as the vice-chair of the House committee investigating the J6 uprising, did say that “not a single conservative can legitimately support him, and not a single supporter can be called a conservative”, the displaying of an equitable amount of non-committal silence from the majority of the GQP hierarchy, was seemingly the rule of the day, and not the assumed exception.

This as well, is also not that much of a shock, as conservatives have proven time and time again, that in their pathetically clouting quest to retain their political power, they’ll happily chuck their sworn oath and personal ethics under a bus, for no other reason than to briefly secure the mercurial favor of a facetious firebrand who would gladly set them aflame, if he needed to stay warm.

Tasty pick, guys. Definitely worth the public humiliation that’s sure to follow for doing so.  

I mean, it’s one thing to hitch your future to a proverbial cart, but when you can’t differentiate between its driver and the jackass pulling it, maybe it’s past the time for a moment of self-refection. However, such inner contemplation is ostensibly not a skillset that the GQP membership can access, given their almost sociopathic hatred for current president Joe Biden, who as “we all know”, was responsible for “stealing” the 2020 election out from under Trump.

Even worse, his arrogance at getting away with it, has only worsened, as supremely evidenced by this 2022 Christmas Eve post, in which he spews his saccharine salutation without shame:

The nerve of this Socialist suck-up- not one word about Jesus Christ, the mythical deity who’s also “the reason for the season” as the cool kids like to say, and on top of that, an inference that despite our political and/or personal differences, we can still find common ground?

Well, screw that buddy, and keep your touchy-feely whiny-woke crap, the hell away from me, if you please. I can’t speak for you of course, but if I desire a Christmas message imbued with the truest spirit of what is being marketed by conservatives as American civility, I’ll go with this guy:

Jesus weeps, that’s beautiful, isn’t it? The extending of Yuletide blessings to not only the wrongly descripted “Radical Left Marxists”, but heartwarmingly, the FBI as well, despite them having the unmitigated gall to catch caught him orange-handed stealing classified documents.

And making sure that his “LOVE TO ALL’ encompasses the special prosecutor, and for some unknown reason, his wife and family, as well as the DOJ who’s going to be sending him to prison sometime in the hopefully near future? That is the epitome of class, boys and girls, and unlike one of Trump’s business checks, you can take that sucker to the bank and cash it like a boss.

One quibble though? If Trump is indeed “clairvoyant”, as he so proudly claims, then why didn’t he foresee the failure of Trump Steaks, GoTrump (a travel website), Trump Airlines, Trump Vodka, Trump Mortgage, “Trump: The Game”, Trump University, Trump Ice (bottled water), the Tour de Trump, the Trump Network, and the United States Football League?

Not to mention, his multiple bankruptcies, his two failed marriages, his dipterous reign as our 45th President, his history-making dual impeachments, and the outcome of the 2020 election? I don’t know that much about the practice of Telesthesia, but I would suggest that the only gift of remote perception that Adolf Twittler here has ever possessed in buckets, would be achieving full clarity after the fact of whatever he’s done has become public knowledge.

Edgar Cayce, Trump is not. But he and Theresa Caputo, the allegedly fraudulent Long Island based medium, could probably find themselves working a carnival side-show together, after their mass marketability has cooled off somewhat.

Speaking of which, it does seem that as of late, Trump isn’t the Gilded Boy he once thought he was. His third attempt at a run for President appears listless and without direction, his ranting is up, while its populist appeal is seemingly wearing thin, and even his once stalwart ego-stroke rallies, are becoming sparser in both their attendance, if not their societal impact.

And for a narcissist such as Trump whose ego has always been far larger than his inherent ability to back it up, the deliberate lack of current mainstream media interest in what he says, does, or thinks, must sting like the ever-loving indictments that are sure to be coming his way.

And if you doubt me, understand that Trump bade the press utilize a ‘media availability’ slot at his annual Mar-a-Lago New Year’s Eve soiree, and not one cable news network covered the event. And in a true “Et tu, Brute?” moment I never would have guessed could ever happen, that list also included Trump’s stereotypical propagandistic lapdogs, Newsmax and FOX.

This unexpected blow to his delusion of being all that and a bag of loan-skips, caused him to take to the Web, and finding himself inspired by his earlier Christmas message, he decided to go one better, and craft another that was even dumber, if not far viler, than its predecessor:

Call me insensitive, but when both your baby mama, as well as your side-chick, leave you hanging with a case of allegorical blue-balls, rather than delivering the expected threesome you thought was coming your way, the tensile strength of your self-worth, has got to be reduced to that of a bowl of microwaved Velveeta.

Which, let’s face it, is already kind of what Trump resembles to begin with. And that’s on a good day.

Granted, the additional embarrassment he suffered at the hands of the public at large being made aware via his court-released tax returns, that his decades-long attempt at mythologizing his supposed intellectual and business prowess, was actually constructed on the quicksand of unwarranted braggadocio, which to be honest, is the only skillset that this mango Mussolini has ever actually possessed in gilded buckets.

And this loss of faux face, regardless of how much dime-store bronzer he applies to it, has most certainly rubbed his repulsive rhubarb raw, something that this post inadvertently attests to

Clearly, this mewling man-child has no unde5standing of just how the American legal system actually works, despite his being continually, if not criminally, involved with it on a first-name basis for decades.

To note, my Cheeto Führer: no president has ever had “standing” over their own election, due to the realty that there are still THREE branches of government involved in the process. A fact that while highly inconvenient for s wannabe fascist like yourself, is essential to reaffirm the necessity, that America remains a constitutional republic, and not the second-rate Stalinist state that you’d like to install, via your cult of puerile personality.

“Nothing to see here, folks, save for a bunch of faux patriots cosplaying “I’m a Nuremberger.” ‘.

Additionally, it is not “unprecedented” for a President to hand over their tax returns, as American Presidents have been doing it WILLINGLY, SINCE NIXON RESIGNED IN DISGRACE.

Not only are you the first president who’s refused to do so in close to fifty years, you’re also the first one that fought multiple court challenges to protect that which was already widely known- the reality that you’re a fraud, a liar, a tax cheat, a hypocrite, and worst of all for your petulant ego, you were never a “Billionaire”, and you never will be, either.

I’ve never met you my treasonous firebrand, and quote honestly, never hope to, but given your penchant for having a sensitivity in concern to your public image that’s rumored to be equivalent to the skin of an onion, that last part just has to burn your larded ass, as if you were using the lava jets of Stromboli as a bidet.

However, it’s your slamming of the Supreme Court that I’m really enjoying here- can you imagine the frustration of managing to successfully install no less than three of your expected allies with great confidence, “knowing” that they would protect you from prosecution, if not supplementary public mortification, and then experience them doing neither, as they refuse to even take a side-glance at your weak AF case claiming non-existent voter fraud?

Ouch, I say. Just “ouch”. I’ve heard the saying that you should “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”, but I myself, have never kept either so close that they could easily place my spawn-hammer into a blender, and then hit the “liquefy” button, as if they were ringing the service bell at a dry cleaner’s, let me tell you.

As for the rest of your (as usual) unfounded and reflectively libelous commentary, Biden’s personal tax records fall under the transparency of being an accessible PUBLIC RECORD, so maybe you should “Google”, before you “Truth”. That’s just a friendly suggestion, from me the cynical realist, to you, the insanely peevish 76-year-old mango-tinted-toddler, who believes that tantrum-throwing is akin to a measured debate.

But then again, should we expect anything less from the humiliated man-child that posted this?

That’s the potential GQP 2024 Presidential candidate everyone: the self-described member of “the lucky sperm club.”, and “stable-genius”, who’s undeniably “really smart”, with the “highest IQ”, and concurrently, the “best friend” that Women, Blacks, and the Gay Community “will ever have”.

Trump, who is of course, none of these things, once aggrandized in an interview that his process for defining the creative decisions in his life was, like the man himself, actually quite simple: “I try to step back and remember my first shallow reaction. The day I realized it can be smart to be shallow was, for me, a deep experience.”

Irrespective of what his words, deeds, and certified reality have to say about such boasts, this narcissistic immaturity isn’t a singular character quirk of Trump’s- it is quite literally, the entire essence of his pathetically putrid being.

Trump is every AXE-soaked Bro at a college party, bragging about all the women he’s (never) had, he’s every middle-aged ex-jock, lying about his (non) glory days on the high school field, and he’s most certainly the stereotype of every born-into-wealth-man-child, who received stock tips and flawed character traits from his father, rather than the love he so desperately needed and craved.

And I say this, as a person who’s contending with some seriously major Daddy issues, himself.

However, one of Trump’s biggest failings as a human, is just how bad he is at actually being one. I’ve oft said that if the ethereal aspects of Tone-Deaf and Cluelessness ever had a baby, Trump would be the spawn produced. Speaking only for myself, I have never seen a person that’s so wrapped up in their own self-styled myth, that they can’t visualize the world around them as it actually exists.

And keep in mind, this was a joke once presented to me: “A televangelist, a GOP politician, and the writer Wayne Michael Reich, have perished in a plane crash, and find themselves standing before the judgement of the One True God, who queries the trio, as to why any of them should be allowed to enter his Kingdom.

The televangelist says: “I spread your message passionately, and converted thousands to your faith.”. God ponders this for a moment, and says; ” That is awesome! You may sit on my right side.” He then asks the same question of the GOP politician, who states; “As I too believe in you and your teachings, I attempted to pass legislation to try and mandate that it be part of the American educational curriculum in public schools.”

God obviously considers this a supreme compliment, and then declares: “For honoring me so devotedly, you may sit on my left” He then turns to Wayne Michael Reich, and asks; “What do you have to say, my child? Wayne stares directly at the proverbial Lord and Father to All, and curtly announces; “Look buddy, I have no goddamn idea in Hell who you think you are, but I do believe that you’re sitting in my f**king seat.””

Now, while this is disturbingly accurate on many levels, it still doesn’t compare with just how disconnected Trump is from the common pond of human interaction, overall. Whether it’s his confusing 9/11 with the convenience store chain known as 7/11, as he did back in 2015, his ability to create cringe-worthiness out of the empty air is legendary.

Take said speech where he does so, and that, ever so flawlessly: “I wrote this out, and it’s very close to my heart. Because I was down there, and I watched our police and our firemen down at 7/11 — down at the World Trade Center right after it came down. And I saw the greatest people I’ve ever seen in action. I saw the bravest people I’ve ever seen.”

Now, while this is no more than a slip of the tongue that could happen to us all, it’s compounded by the should be embarrassing fact that as I noted earlier within this screed; there is no credible evidence of his ever being present at Ground Zero at any point in the process. No valid eyewitness accounts, no personal or journalistic photo exists of such, nor is there any corroborating news footage either.

But as I just assessed, Trump is so far removed from that which makes us human, he literally has no idea what to do when confronted with, or sitting in the presence of, an actually functioning one. Case in point, his remarks concerning former POW, the late John McCain: “He’s not a war hero. He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”

This vile statement BTW, courtesy of a craven who faked “bone spurs” to avoid the draft, while McCain was undergoing torture imprisoned in a cage, but I digress. Let us also not forget this delightful slice of his inherent misogyny, directed at Megyn Kelly, who was one of Fox News’ moderators in the first Republican debate: “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever.”

Ahh… degrading the biological processes of women- that’s a sure-fire way to impress them, let me tell you. And if you’re going to try and woo the Latina community to support your ongoing outreach to them, then there’s no better way to do it, than by tweeting; “Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!”

This casual racism aside, let’s ponder its influence regarding his 2015 suggestion on “Fox and Friends”, that we (the US) should not only kill the terrorists that threaten us, but their families as well, which by the way, would be considered a war crime: “The other thing with the terrorists is you have to take out their families, when you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives, don’t kid yourself. When they say they don’t care about their lives, you have to take out their families,”

And when it comes to the African-American voting demographic, nobody has ever had a stronger sales pitch than Donald J Trump: “You’re living in poverty, your schools are no good, you have no jobs, 58 percent of your youth is unemployed. What the hell do you have to lose? Yup… that’s the embodiment of an all-around well-balanced human coming through, kids.

Sadly, I could go on for days reciting his seemingly endless list of inanely soulless commentary, but I think you’ve all grasped the concept of what I was exploring at this point. That being, he literally can’t “human”, even when his fraudulent fortune, facetiously-based fame, and continuing personal freedom, depends on his doing so.

However, where this abominable character flaw of his really comes shining through, is when there’s actual human suffering occurring within his purview. Take this moment of compassionate humanity, snapped at an aid station in Guaynabo, Puerto Rico:

That’s Trump, in his alleged guise as the US President, tossing out rolls of paper towels to FLOOD VICTIMS, as if he were shooting free-throws for the Knicks. Ostensibly visiting its residents after Hurricane Maria devastated the island, it’s now obvious that his failed attempt at engaging in humanitarianism, was no more than a PR stunt, designed to save orange-face after complaints that the US government’s handling of the storm’s aftermath was too slow, became too public for him to ignore.

Trump for his part, whose actions were labeled as being “insulting” by Carmen Yulin Cruz, the mayor of San Juan, found himself branded as the “mis-communicator-in-chief”, by the same, due to not only his disgusting act of chucking the proverbial Bounty, but for his complaining about the expected cost of storm recovery, as well.

In a stunningly clueless revelation of his lack of basic concern for others, the ever-oblivious Mango Moron said to the unfortunate assembled, that; “you’ve thrown our budget a little out of whack… but that’s fine”. In a later media interview, Mayor Cruz noted that “there was no exchange with anybody, with none of the mayors”, highlighting that; “this terrible and abominable view of him throwing paper towels and throwing provisions at people, it really… it does not embody the spirit of the American nation, you know?”

Trust me, Mayor Cruz… WE KNOW.

But as is normal for our narcissiically nattering nincompoop of numbskullery, he didn’t see this embarrassingly immature debacle in quite the same way that the world entire did, going so far as to confidently tweet the following, without any definable trace of self-awareness for the fiasco itself, or the well-being of those he had selfishly subjected to it:

Once again though, this inferred claim of being the true victim of a situation really shouldn’t come as any form of unexpected surprise to anyone, as avoiding reality and/or the blame for such, is just the SOP for this perpetual SOB. Aww… was the international media correctly calling you out for acting like a jackass on the world stage, Donny? Poor baby. Here’s a room-temperature Diet Coke, served with a heaping slice of STFU, you walking tangerine-tinted taint.

Lest we’ve forgotten, irrespective of the true parameters of what is actually being discussed at any given time, Trump’s gift for deflecting his role in regards to it, is aways on point. A prime example of this, occurred when the husband of Former Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Paul Pelosi, had been attacked inside their home as he slept, by a hammer-wielding QAnon-conspiracy-theorist, allegedly inspired by Trump’s seemingly never-ending litany of election fraud lies

Trump’s personal take on the political atmosphere that led to the attack, and which he most certainly, was partially responsible for? Just what you would expect from the type of person who has never once in his over-privileged life, ever been forced to truly suffer the consequences of the actions that he undertakes.

In an interview that he granted to the conservative Spanish language outlet, Americano Media, Trump’s signature tone-deafness was on full-display as he opined that: “With Paul Pelosi, that’s a terrible thing, with all of them it’s a terrible thing, Look at what’s happened to San Francisco generally. Look at what’s happening in Chicago. It was far worse than Afghanistan. We have to give the police back their dignity, their respect. They can solve the problem. But today if a police officer says something that’s slightly out of line it’s like the end of his life, the end of his pension, the end of his family, We can’t do that. We have to give the police back their authority and their power and their respect. Because this country is out of control.”

If I were to ask an understandable question, of this self-styled stable genius, it would center on just what, pray tell, do the cities of San Francisco, Chicago, and the country of Afghanistan, have to do with Pelosi being attacked in his home by one of his cravenly-delusional cultists? Not to mention, what in the f**k does the entirely separate issue regarding the alleged loss of police dignity and authority, fit in as well?

I don’t know what’s truly the most pathetic thing about Trump, and mythical Lord knows, there’s quite the list to openly choose from, but his incapacity to just answer a simple question “correctly” and then just succinctly shut the hell up in regard to it, has got to crest at the top of his particularly unique inanity incline.

To be fair, when factoring in his love of gleaning schadenfreude from the misfortunes of others, I’m actually quite surprised that Trump was so measured in his remarks, what with his exceeding dislike and turbulent history with former Speaker Pelosi, because after all, this is also the same allegorical “man” that after Senator John McCain died from brain cancer, whined that; “I gave him the kind of funeral that he wanted, which as president I had to approve, I don’t care about this. I didn’t get a thank you. That’s OK. We sent him on the way, but I wasn’t a fan of John McCain.”

Say what you will about Trump’s sense of faux victimhood, but nobody could ever successfully claim that they ran into it accidentally, given both its appalling girth, and ever-increasing decibel level. For the more erudite among us, the assumption that Trump would learn from his transparent mistakes was considered a safe bet, but as we all eventually experienced for ourselves, any such expectations, were fated to be dead wrong.

Speaking of things that are dead, you would have thought that while Trump himself may be dumber than a brick, certainly his hand-picked advisors would have gained valuable insights from his growing gaffe assemblage, and in that sense, you might be on to something, but even when the message disseminated was perceptibly transposed by someone else’s hand, Trump’s revulsion for all things sympathetically expressed, still bleeds through:

So, what exactly, is wrong with this solemn message of remembrance, you ask?

Well to start, the sympathy expressed within, is granted to the Republican party first, before the family that actually suffered the loss, which regardless of what side of the partisan fence you may find yourself standing on, is the epitome of tastelessness. Second, at no point throughout this message entire, are the actual names of “Diamond” (Ineitha Lynnette Hardaway) and her surviving sister  “Silk”, (Herneitha Rochelle Hardaway Richardson) ever notated.

This could be due to his wanting to acknowledge them as he knew them, (IE; “no better TEAM anywhere”) or more likely, it’s because he didn’t know, or more to the point; care to know, their real names to begin with.

I base this horrific in any other situation assessment, on the following comment he made in his role as an invited eulogist at Diamond’s funeral service: “I’m serious, I thought I knew them both. I didn’t. I knew Diamond but I didn’t know Silk at all. I just learned about Silk.” [To Silk] “You’re fantastic. You’re going to carry on beyond, beyond anybody’s wildest imaginations.”

This, despite comments in the past, where he labeled them both as “warriors”, and tweeted; “But I love Diamond & Silk, and so do millions of people!”, after FOX cut ties with the duo for disseminating debunked conspiracy theories about COVID-19. In response, the Trump campaign issued a statement saying that; “Diamond and Silk are tremendously valued supporters of President Trump. They fight for the President and are continued valued members of Team Trump.”  

To his exceedingly limited credit, while he did refer to Diamond as one of the “world’s brightest stars”, and despite the reality of D & S being co-chairs of Black-Voices for Trump, as well as Women for Trump board members, along with having been previously invited to the White House for a face-to-face with Trump himself, he still thought that Silk at her sister’s funeral, (and to her face no less) would appreciate hearing; “I didn’t know Silk at all. I just learned about Silk”?

Despite this unintentional (?) slight, when Silk took the stage, she posited that; ‘Instead of asking if Americans are vaxxed or unvaxxed, the real question to ask is: Are Americans being poisoned? In the wild, when they want to depopulate and sterilize a large group of animals, they usually inject one animal, and that one animal infect the rest of the animals, People are dropping dead around here, and nobody is talking about it! They are dropping dead suddenly and unexpectedly.’

This asinine suggestion, hurled by a woman who had recently lost both her sister if not her meal ticket, then segued into a possibly Freudian slip, as she chronicled the final moments of her sister: ‘She said to me, ‘I can’t breathe.’ It was something out of nowhere, and no warning. Each breath was less, and less, and less, What I want to say to everybody is don’t you dare call me a conspiracy theorist. Because I saw it happen. I saw how it happened. I was there when it happened, and it happened suddenly.”

First, this sounds like the classic symptoms of a COVID-related death, and second, no it didn’t “happen suddenly”, as Silk had tweeted; “Anyone who believes in the power of prayer please pray for Diamond,”, back in November, which was quite the passage of time before her sister’s eventual death. And thirdly, Silk’s claim “Because I saw it happen. I saw how it happened”, underscores a question that as of yet, nobody seems to have asked, that being: What exactly did you “see” happen, Silk?

If your equally as dumb and now deceased sister didn’t die from COVID, just release the cause of death, and those that are curious, will move on. If she did, and yet you maintain that it was the vaccine she took that actually killed her instead, then it means that at least one of you is (or was) a flaming hypocrite, given your very well publicized and marketed stance regarding both COVID, and its medical bulwark.

In lieu of this telling coinky-dink, Silk has steadfastly maintained that her sister did not die of COVID, tweeting: ‘Where’s your proof that my sister died from contracting COVID-19? No Proof plus No Truth equates to a Lawsuit”, which of course, is not how any of this actually works, and is probably as close to an admission that COVID was indeed the cause of Diamond’s death, as we’re ever going to get.

Silk’s incendiary antivaxx statements, as yet unproven, obviously inspired known nutjob, allegedly antisemitic Jewish Space Laser critic, and full-time conspiracy theorist Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, to take to Twitter, and launch the following “I need 15 more minutes of Fame” Molotov cocktail: ‘I demand an IMMEDIATE investigation into COVID vaccines and the dramatic increase of people dying suddenly! This can no longer be ignored and is NOT political.’

And just in case any of you have lost the thread of this narrative, all of this took place at a funeral. AT A FUNERAL. A MEMORIAL DEDICATED TO THE PUREST REMBERANCES OF A PERSON’S LIFE.

Seriously. What. In. The. Actual. F**k.

However, it only gets “better”, for as we’ve all come to expect, Trump used his time at bat, to show just how bats**t crazy he’s become, by issuing such compassionate bon-mots as; “Countries are emptying out their prisons and mental institutions into the US! And gas prices are too damn high! Also inflation is bad!”

Staying on brand, he remained off target and tone-deaf throughout the memorial-service-turned-Trump rally,, by issuing some rather bizarre commentary about the crowd size, saying that; “The chapel wouldn’t have held the kind of people, the number of people that we have, And we’re doing it right and that’s the way it should be and I did notice a big line of very, very nice vehicles outside. That’s got to be handled properly, right? So we’re going to handle it properly. Go out in style. She knew that. Go out in style.”

By the way, said number of people that purportedly couldn’t be “held” was estimated to be around 150, so as it is the case with all things Trumpian, up is down, dry is wet, and three inches magically becomes a very girthy seven and a half.,

Nevertheless, Trump did get back on track (sort of) when he summed up the three hours plus service where (GASP!) he wasn’t the primary center of attention, with his as equally sensitive assertion of; “They told me, just give me a little time. I’ve got a lot of people waiting for me back in a place called Palm Beach, Florida. They said give me a little time. What do you think it’ll take? About 15 – 20 minutes, in and out. I said ‘Well it could take longer.’ This is a little longer than 15 minutes, right?”

Don’t worry, Donny- when the glorious day comes that you did something good for humanity by shuffling off the mortal coil, your service will not only be over in 15 minutes, it’ll have time to spare, as the only people in attendance, will be there to happily pi** on your grave, which I can only assume, will be gilded.

As he wrapped up his truly inappropriate session of self-aggrandizement, he inanely referenced his 2020 election loss and subsequent lies about it, saying: “How do we stop the cheating? How do we stop it where you get more votes, but you still don’t win? The answer is the Republicans have to get tougher, the top people have to get tougher, and you have to really swamp ’em.”

Now, I know what you’re thinking: shocking that a man who has shown such retrained decorum in the past, would be so crass at such a potentially painful time, but let’s not forget just how Trump actually viewed this racially-embarrassing duo of Stephanie Fetchit cosplayers. In their first appearance at a Trump rally in 2015, our Captain of Condolences here, introduced them by saying; “I hope you monetized this- do your routine.”

Do your routine”, said the then most powerful man on the planet, using the same tone of voice that Bart, the former slave and newly appointed sheriff of the fictional town of Rock Ridge in 1974’s “Blazing Saddles”, was asked to perform a musical number by a cowboy known only as Lyle: “When you were slaves, you sang like birds. Go on… how about a good old ni***r work song?” 

Granted, while those weren’t the words that Trump used, the inferred inflection was the same, regardless, and therein that account, lies who Trump really is- a shell of a man that when the once useful to his personality cult find themselves eternally separated from his influence, either by choice or mortality, considers their prior said value as GQP tokens, as negated. Such is the fate of all Trump allies, albeit sooner or later.

And if I may continue on with my bluntness, be it ever so curt, such is, and always will be, the providence of his slavish fan base as well, because for Trump, people are no more and no less than the accessible means to whatever end he wishes to achieve.

Fortuitously for me, if not the wrapping-up of this particular screed, I have the perfect case in point:

A “MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT”, you say? Well Donny, I’m all ears. Obviously, this must have something to do with the policies you’ll be promoting via your previously declared 2024 run for president, or maybe even, the launch of a strategy to get all those prosecutions you’re currently facing, to go away. You know, like your 2nd mistress and 3rd wife, wishes you would?

However, I could be wrong about all of that, and this pre-warning you’ve posted for us all, is in regards to who will be both your VP pick and eventual scapegoat, when you get busted yet again for usurping established Constitutional law. I hear Kari Lake has a lot of free time on her hands these days, and the best part is that she’s rumored to come with her own built-in set of Instagram filters, for media interviews.

After all, you did say that; “AMERICA NEEDS A SUPERHERO”, and I can’t think of a better superpower for a politician, than the ability to always be in soft focus when they have to talk to Tucker Carlson, can you? What’s that you say? I’m way off-base in regards to all of that? Well then, my masculine maestro of marketing, what amazing thing is it exactly, that you’d like to share with us?

[Artbitch stares blankly into the void, closes laptop, walks into his kitchen, and starts slamming Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters two-fisted, as if his very life depended on doing so. He then lapses into an alcoholic-inspired diabetic coma, “sleeps” for four days, wakes up, groggily re-opens laptop, and seriously contemplates just why he does this to himself, and wonders if it’s too late for him to choose another career. Say like knitting, perhaps?]


Here we collectively are, attempting to rebuild the country’s decorum and political process, as we’re being repetitively barraged by your claims that only you can fix the damage that you and your ilk debatably inflicted upon us, and rather than use this moment to introduce allegorical salves into the national discussion as a means to help America regain its unity, you laud this egotistical circle-jerk, instead?


However, as I’m obviously not a card-carrying member of the MAGAt brigade, my opinion can be considered (and rightly so) as somewhat circumspect. So, how well did the average Trumpist adherent react to this wholly unexpected big reveal?  In all honesty, I’d charitably say that the reaction was mixed:

As it turned out, his slavish base of mental malcontents was expecting political progress, not shameless personal promotion, and as such, Trump’s unveiling of his newest alleged money-laundering scam, was widely mocked not only on both sides of the partisan pasture, but within the Alt-Wrong media sphere, as well. And as I noted earlier, such an occurrence being bestowed upon an egotist such as Trump, is akin to you or I, being denied the gift of oxygen.

Other believers, who prior to Trump’s non-announcement, guarded the metaphorical corridors of his MAGA mansion with literal sweat and blood, were far less inclined to be charitable in concern to his pathetic cash-grab, especially those who, thanks to their willing involvement in relation to the detestable events of J6, are now facing some serious prison time:

I for one, would never willingly align myself in any way. shape, or form, with such a person as “Baked Alaska” as he’s not only an Alt-Wrong loon, but a stridently ardent advocate of White Supremacy as well, but all that aside, I will begrudgingly have to admit that this warrior of the Vanilla Vanguard, did call it correctly here.

Not only has this moron tossed a good chunk of his life away for a gritter doused in snake oil, he did so based on a lie. And I don’t care who you are, or what you believe in, that’s still gotta sting like a bitch. But as bad as that is, the reaction from the MAGAt community at large, has been one expressing disgusted confusion at their Mango Mussolini’s pandering.

Damn. That’s some serious blow-back, especially from the cravenly cultists that previously, were seemingly cool with Trump’s history of adultery, pathological lying, alleged tax fraud and money laundering, self-admitted sexual assault, payments of hush money, derogatory commentary regarding women, minorities, POW’s, Muslims, immigrants seeking asylum, and numerous documented acts of possible treason.

And who among us may I ask, would have ever guessed that the allegorical line in the sand for these asinine adherents, would be drawn at trading cards? If we had only known then, what we unfortunately know now, maybe, just maybe, we could have enlisted the help of Topps four years ago, and stopped this demagogue of dipshi**ery before he even began.

But seriously and with all jokes aside, how bad could these cards really be?

I’ve often joked about there being no God, and as you’d surmise, I have no proof whatsoever to back up my theorem as such. But now? I’d dare say that not only does the existence of these artistic monstrosities certify my atheism, they may finally provide the metaphorical ammo that I’ve been lacking all these years, to convince others of the same.

But as with all things Trumpian, there’s a catch, and it’s laid out right at the start of his sales pitch:

What a deal- if you buy just one of these “rare’”cards, you can not only win 1000’s of sure to be unrewarded prizes, there’s the slimmest of chances for you to meet the twice-impeached ex-president and future federal inmate, Donald J. Trump! All you need do, is give ninety-nine dollars of your hard-earned money to this purported billionaire and known huckster, and you’re in like Flynn.

By the way, the definition of “rare” is such: “(of a thing) not found in large numbers and consequently of interest or value”. Keeping in mind that these cards are not printed, they’re essentially digital downloads, and that the repository of availability is 45K, calling these cards “rare”, is like saying that come Christmas time, you can’t find “It’s a Wonderful Life” playing on TV.

You get the idea, but trust me, it only gets more ridiculous:

For those of you bad at math, this golden opportunity to break bread with possibly the most disgraceful ex-president in American history, will set you back $4,555. The very idea of paying that much to have dinner with a known traitor, while disgusting, is really not what I’m curious about here, to be honest. I’m far more curious that when given Trump’s well-known tendencies to do all things on the cheap, if said dinner would look like this:

Sadly, this is not a still from an SNL skit, or a photoshopped image, either. This was the in all seriousness “dinner” presented to Clemson University’s football team, winners of the national college championship. 300 burgers, as well as pizza and fries, were on the menu, and despite what it looks like, this event was being held at the White House and not a small-town Wendy’s, which would have been far more appropriate, in regards to the embarrassing fare that was being offered.

Speaking of his disconcerting attempt at a grand fete, Trump blathered; “We ordered American fast food, paid for by me. Lots of hamburgers, lots of pizza, we have some very large people that like eating, so I think we’re going to have a little fun.” Continuing on, he declared that; “I like it all, it’s all good stuff. Great American food … I like em all, if it’s American I like, it’s all-American stuff, but it’s good stuff. But I’ll bet you as much food as we have – we have pizzas, we have 300 hamburgers, many many french fries, all of our favorite foods – I wanna see what’s here when we leave, because I don’t think it’s gonna be much.”

Oddly, despite the fact that he had already notated the number of burgers at the event being no more than 300, Trump later claimed that 1000 burgers had been ordered instead, because… um… he’s a practitioner of grandiose lying, perhaps? But I’ll let the lying king speak for himself: “I had a choice – do we have no food for you or do we give you some little quick salads that the first lady will make along with … the second lady, I said you guys aren’t into salads. Or, do I … go out and send out for about 1,000 hamburgers. So that’s what we did.”

Now, with that fine example of high-end catering under his belt, I’m confident that any dinner that Trump plans, is sure to be a hit. That is, if he actually plans to have any of those so-called “winners” on the guest list:

Gosh… are you thinking what I’m thinking? That maybe, just maybe, there’s a very good chance that Trump plans to take the money he made from this alleged money-laundering scam, and run for the safety of his gilded bathroom at the very first opportunity? Nah, that just has to be my inherent cynicism bleeding through, cynical, because just look at all the other “prizes” that are laying around, awaiting their chance to be awarded to an unwitting yet still willing, mark:

Wow. Given the high-caliber quality of both these cards [sarcasm alert] and Trump’s penchant for not living up to any of his promises, I’m curious to see just how many enthusiastic suckers believe that any of these advertised accolades, will ever actually be awarded to the delusional throng that fell for this garbage.

I’m sorry- did I say that these digital disappointments were of “high-caliber quality”? My sincerest apologies, as my intended assessment was to point out that these traitor cards, dedicated to one mans egotistical circle-jerk, are akin to what would result if I had asked my 78-year-old formerly ditch-digging sprinkler contractor father, to play with Photoshop, and then blocked all access to the online tutorials showing him how to use it properly.

Case in point, this completely amateurish photocollage, wherein Trump’s vacuous head has been crudely grafted onto somebody else’s body, with the end result being exactly what you would expect of anyone associated with the King of Outsourcing.

To illustrate what I’m talking about, let’s take a look at said image, as it appears on the traitor card website:

Right off the bat, you’ll notice that something seems off, and you’d be right. Trump’s head in particular, seems as if it’s set a tad bit too high on his non-seen neck, his skin tone doesn’t seem to be in balance with the atmospheric lighting of the image, and there’s a peculiar halo effect occurring about his face and hair as well. A closer examination of this image, reveals just why that is, and trust me, it’s hilarious:

Goddamn, that is truly pathetic AF. My seven-year-old grand-niece could do a better job of photo-masking than this, and she’s still using those safety scissors that look like a panda:

You would think that a self-declared “billionaire” who once tweeted, and that, without any sense of irony; “My two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart”, might have actually employed a competent photo retoucher for this project, but I can only guess that the guy he did hire, spent most of his time giving Trump the idealized body that he’s never possessed, instead.

I’m going to go into what the far bigger problem with this incompetent assemblage s in a few moments, but for now, let’s just note that this isn’t the first time that Trump has passed this sort of thing off as if it were normal. Take for instance, this weird, if not wholly mentally unbalanced, post of Trump’s from 2019, wherein his 73-year-old countenance, was grafted onto the body of the then 16-year-old climate activist (and Time’s Person of the Year) Greta Thunberg:

After seeing this act of puerile pettiness from a cravenly and treasonous septuagenarian aimed at a teenager who, by the quickest of comparisons alone, is a far more mature and worthwhile addition to this planet than he will ever hope to be, I feel that I have to rescind my earlier statement regarding what is, or should I more correctly say, what was “truly pathetic AF

This is. Hands down.

I mean… how f**king weak must your ego be, that in your undeserved role as one of the most powerful people on Earth, the thought of a child being on a magazine cover sets you off as if you were a six-year-old that’s been denied candy at the checkout line?

But here’s something even sadder… this isn’t the first “Time” that Trump has done this:

In 2017, Time Magazine demanded that Trump remove the cover depicted above, one that was seen hanging prominently in no less than six of his golf clubs, because it was deemed to be by Time itself, as being nothing more than a [SURPRISE!] mediocre fake. The image, dated March 1, 2009 did not correspond with the actual issue of that time period, which featured the actress Kate Winslet, instead of America’s walking analog of a diaper-rash poster child.

While this public humiliation perfectly illustrates Trump’s pathological need to have his ego masturbated every five minutes, the really odd standout about this act of barely middling forgery is that there was no actual need for it to begin with. At that particular moment in time, (no pun intended) Trump has already garnered a number of covers under his ever-lengthening belt, and therefore, had more than a few to choose from in concern to his interior decorating options.

In fact, Trump once (?) even openly bragged [what a shock] about what he had accomplished: “I have been on their cover 14 or 15 times. I think we have the all-time record in the history of Time magazine,”  

Regrettably for Trump’s onion-skinned ego, the New York Times discovered that while Trump had [at that time] landed the cover on 11 separate occasions, the record for most covers, with the total being set at 55, belonged to the equally disgraced former President Richard Nixon, which on some level, just has to set some sort of benchmark for foreshadowed irony.

Now even though it may not be obvious as to why I’m dredging up this ancient history, it will manifest its importance down the road. Until then, I suggest we get back to examining some of the more interesting aspects of Trump’s venture into NFT land, starting with the incredibly unique ordering process involved:

So, to recap this in its essence, if you want to buy a specific image of Trump, albeit as a Cowboy, Astronaut, Jet Pilot, or my personal favorite, whatever the f**k this is supposed to be;

… best of luck to you, because you’re going to get what you get, irrespective of what you actually may want. Which, when you think about it, is definitively on brand for anything that Trump is seemingly involved in, or married to. But don’t you worry, because if you do come back to your senses later on after realizing that you’ve been duped yet again by your mango-man-crush, you do have options open to you.

Just not any good ones:

That’s right, kids- despite all the legalese babbled throughout this self-declared non-advisory panel, all you need know is that while you can openly sell or “trade” your collection of magic beans, there’s no firm guarantee that they’ll retain their value, nor is there any respite from Trump’s money-grubbing ways either, as the 10% “royalty fee” most certifiably asserts.

And if you honestly believe that the artist who created these eyesores of artistic impenitence, will ever see another dome past the pittance he was moist certainly paid, have I got a deal on some traitor cards for you.

Oops. Never mind. Somebody already beat me to it.

But if buyer’s remorse does come a knocking, and you find yourself asking; “if I’m dissatisfied with my so-called purchase, at least I still have the opportunity to get all of my money back, right?”, well, get ready to understand that you’re dealing with a man who once he gets a grip on your money, (or anyone’s for that matter) the only way that you’ll ever see it again, is when he brags about what he just bought with it:

In fact, the company that lunched this venture, known only as NFT INT LCC, supposedly operates out of Delaware, but the physical address of said company, is linked to a PO Box in a Utah-based UPS store. I’m sure that’s not an indicator of shadiness or anything, regardless of all evidence to the contrary.

Unfortunately for Trump, his seemingly money-laundering NFT shell company, and whomever he hired to craft this comically inept and savagely mocked collection, they didn’t use any of that money to buy the usage rights of the images that they digitally manipulated to form this collection of cringe.

Remember when I earlier alluded to Trump’s proclivity for forging a false legacy? I guess old habits die hard, especially when they can be used to make an as always, dishonest buck:

Yup, you read that right. The Ex-President of the United States, supposed billionaire, self-declared “stable genius”, and guy who’s “really really smart”, allegedly created his NFT collection, using unlicensed, copyrighted photos that are rightfully deemed as intellectual property, from companies such as Branded, Scully Sportswear, Men’s Warehouse, Walmart, Amazon, Shutterstock, and even NASA.

You know… low-profile companies that nobody has ever heard of? Man, I don’t know if it’s chutzpah or mental illness that drives Trump to make these asinine power-plays, but either way, the intellectual void that serves as the barometer for his critical thinking, is most definitely out of whack.

However, even when I take into account Trump’s past history of licentious appropriation, I still find myself hard-pressed to believe that he could be that goddamn openly stupid, without some form of tangible evid…..
Oh look, there it is! Right out in the open, for all to see. I guess ’former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was right after all, when he allegedly called Trump a “f**king moron”, because the proof of such, is literally laid out right before us.

Honestly, I’m not sure if we should even be collectively mad at this latest act of blatant act of theft on his part, or far more furious that after decades of practicing graft, Trump hasn’t gotten any better at not getting caught engaging in it. As is the case with many of you, I’ve heard my share of stories about royally screwing oneself, but they’ve always been metaphorical, and not a certified act of willingly doing so with a dildo fashioned from fish hooks and razor blades.

Because if there truly are “hundreds of different cards featuring President Trump”, the odds are equally good that our Mango Maroon, just opened up an entire truckload of legal whoop-ass, on purpose. Tillerson may have said the obvious in concern to charting Trump’s single-digit IQ, but yet, his influence over the GQP’s mindless masses, remains as strong as it ever was…. sort of.

By that, I mean to highlight the current cycle of self-inflected implosion the Conservative movement is seemingly suffering through. Whereas Trump was once unquestionably the Gilded Boy of divisive politics, the ivory tower that he once occupied ever so haughtily, is starting to show some serious foundational cracks.

Other than the Alt-Wrong media pullback earlier descripted above, Trump’s disastrous ploy of backing unqualified, yet loyally sycophantic candidates in their run for office, such as Karl Lake and Hershel Walker, resulted in losses that across the board, were akin to nothing less than the GQP accepting an unexpected group invitation to bathe at Elizabeth Bathory’s house.

Factor in the earlier presented examples of even the most ardent of his cravenly clique feeling free to call out their Emperor for wearing digital clothes, and you can easily understand just why headlines like this, are becoming that much more common, as his abominable appeal interminably wanes:

In fact, a well-known Trump ally, former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, got right to the point describing this feeling of underreported malaise currently afflicting Republicans, when he tweeted; “We were told we’d get tired of winning. But I’m tired of losing. And so are most Republicans,”

And that’s what if took for the GQP to finally start finding Trump considerably distasteful… the losing.

NOT the dereliction of his duty to the American people. NOT the ceaseless whining about losing the 2020 election to non-existent voter fraud, nor the lies he’s continually disseminated regarding it. NOT the boorish vulgarity that he so proudly displayed on the world stage. NOT the incompetence of his administration’s response to the COVID-19 Pandemic. NOT the praising of dictators. NOT the glad tidings given to a pedophile’s procurer.

NOT calling for the unwarranted arrest and prosecution of political enemies. NOT the demand that freedom of the Fourth Estate be chilled. NOT the self-admitted acts of deliberate sexual assault. NOT the stealing of classified documents. NOT the two impeachments, the nepotism, the cronyism, or the graft that sprung unfettered from its insidious installment. And most disturbingly, if not tellingly, NOT THE ATTEMPTED OVERTHROWING of established American democracy, to boot.

When Trump found himself handed his allegorical walking papers, if not his own fat ass, at the end of his four years too long reign, the stench of the GQP’s monstrous malevolency, was finally revealed at the literal doorstep of the People’s house. Make no mistake- the acquisition and maintenance of power over the American citizenry is their actual endgame, and not the betterment of said electorate, in regards to it.

But here’s where some unintentional humor does comes shining through, somewhat. It seems that despite his well-known reputation of being nothing more than a disingenuously conniving dimwit, the one thing that Trump hates most of all, is being regarded as a “loser”. In fact, it’s one of the mango-man-child’s favorite insults to cast against others, but when it’s applied to him?

Well, as it turns out, the Duke of Dipsh***ery doesn’t like that accurate assignation very much. Trump’s incessant requirement to feel that he alone, is the smartest, the most masculine, the most charming, and certifiably, the most important person in whatever room he finds himself in, has undoubtedly crippled him emotionally, if not politically, but as anyone who’s ever observed him for five minutes or less already knows, his Achilles heel has always been his personal hubris.

So, what in overall essence, has changed concerning this?

For the self-alleged man who once infamously said “I win, I win, I always win. In the end I always win”, as if repeating an obvious lie could actually make it come true, the pain that his ego his suffered since his 2020 election loss, must be akin to the numerous indignities that would be rightfully inflicted upon one of his supporters wearing full MAGA gear who had attended a BLM meeting by mistake.

And due in very large part to several embarrassing revelations he wanted kept hidden from the public, ranging from financial to intellectual failures, no matter what he says or does as of late, seems capable of stopping his increasingly disgruntled fan-base, his rapidly distancing themselves former political allies, and both sides of the Mainstream Media, from labeling him [somewhat incorrectly] as yesterday’s old news.

I say “somewhat”, because when you contemplate that Trump possesses a delusional confidence of self that biographer Tim O’Brien once clarified as “Richter scale narcissism”, the only way he’ll ever exit stage left is by force and in handcuffs. Which, if he keeps admitting to the committing of serious crimes via his media interviews and online posts, the reality of such an act occurring, seems more like a forgone conclusion, rather than an ethereal hope.

Time may not tell the story, but Trump seemingly can’t stop doing so, and if there truly is Justice to be meted out, his cup is most certainly, going to be runneth over.

However, let us not repeat the sins of our past, and discount the underlying fibers of fecality that are still intertwined within the fabric of current American politics. While Trump is a source for the majority of what is truly wrong with that institution as it now stands, he’s also a pustulant symptom of the festering rot (on both sides) that has poisoned it ever the last few decades, as well.

As easy as it would be to blame the infestations of fascist fan-girls and Brownshirt-boys on Trump alone, he is not the root cause of these issues entire. The fault as I just noted, is equally borne by both sides of the partisan principality, and while it is true that Conservatives have ratcheted their collective insanity into the metaphorical stratosphere, we on the Liberal side, must also accept that the ones who let them do it, as well as selling them the fuel necessary to do so, was us, and nobody else.

Yeah, I said it. And even more annoying, I actually mean it. Speaking as someone who has walked the path of the Left for quite some time now, I’m sort of done with the communal pearl-clutching and feigned offense at the mere thought that any action we may take collectively for the so-called Greater Good , might negatively impact a particular person, social group, or specialized populace.

NEWSFLASH: all decisions, good or bad, have a negative consequence for someone, and there’s no getting around that. EVER. We as Liberals, need to finally understand that as a rule, we are not dealing with opposition fluent in the language of Logic, Humanity, or Reality, any longer. If anything, our asinine adversaries have proudly revealed nothing but a virulent contempt for the same, and this, to a disturbing degree previously unforeseen within this country.

Strange as it may sound, whenever I run into one of these intellectually bereft boneheads, all I can think of is the “recruitment” speech given by Blazing Saddles villain, Hedley Lamarr:  “I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.”

Minus the Mexican bandits, (for obvious reasons) this list of the socially deplorable not only reads as if it were taking attendance at a Trump rally, it also seems like it could represent a fairly accurate rendering of just whom the GQP is looking forward to backing in the upcoming 2024 elections, as well.  

Make no mistake- our foes, such as they are, have declared war on all that they despise, fear, or willingly fail to understand or are unable to control, and if the pathetically tragic events of J6 have taught us anything at all, it’s that the odious opposition we face is more than willing to go the extra mile regardless of personal consequence, to achieve their abominable agenda. And if you need proof of this, just check out these charmingly not-mentally-ill-at-all posts from Trump’s cadre of loyal MAGAts:

He seems really nice, doesn’t he? Man, if this is the best that the ghosts of our Founding Fathers can produce, I’m pretty sure we could win the allegorical battle just by asking them as a collective, to structure a paragraph correctly. As a rule, I, wouldn’t normally call myself a “Grammar NAZI”, due to the negative connotations attached to both that descriptive as well as my last name, but in reference to these clods, I’d be more than happy to go full literary Bradenburger on them as a group, if the need ever arose.

Speaking of which, this next member of Meal Team Six, has some definitive ideas about what he would do, if given the chance, and it’s a humdinger of a time, let me tell you:

I’m no legal scholar, but I particularly like the part where he defines the “Enemies of the Constitution”, right before he arrogantly declares that the “Geneva Rules” would be suspended, in order for his masturbatory militia fantasy to be be enacted against those that he alone, would deem as undesirable to his country:

Unfortunately for my honorary commander of the Gravy Seals here, he got the most important thing incorrect. First off, it’s not the “Geneva Rules”, that would find themselves deferred, but the “Geneva Conventions”, which requires humane treatment for all persons in enemy hands, without discrimination. It specifically prohibits murder, mutilation, torture, the taking of hostages, unfair trial, and cruel, humiliating and degrading treatment. It requires that the wounded, sick and shipwrecked be collected and cared for, as well.

And no Greg, you don’t get to choose any of how that works out, save for the times when you’re pleasuring yourself to the idea of it, as suspending such protections, is tantamount to committing a war crime. Not to mention, the correct word choice here Greg, should have been “met with a fury”, and not “meet’, you absolute f**king MAGAt moron.

Tell you what, my camo and ammo enthusiast, if you think your collection of piddling pop guns, field rations, and pristine collection of “I Bleed Red White and Blue” bumper stickers, can take on the full might of the applied armed forces of America, please feel free to f**k around and find out. I could use the free entertainment, and our collective gene pool would appreciate the upgrade gifted it, by your removal from it.

But not all of the seemingly mentally-ill that comprise the MAGA faithful such as the two above, are violence-projecting idiots, thank goodness. Some are just so far off the mark from established Reality, that your first instinct as an actually functioning human, is to give them a hug and a pat on the head, wrap them in a blanket, and make them a bowl oi tomato soup:

There used to be a rather famous dance called the “Lindy Hop”, with its heyday lasting from the 1930’s until its eventual peak in the early 1940s. It is characterized by fast rotations, swing outs, and high-energy footwork, and while I have no evidence that Lindy here has ever engaged in it, I would dare suggest that if she has, she’s landed on her head instead of her feet… a lot.

“Who is Donald J. Trump?”, her meme asks. Easy answer, Lindy.

He’s the trust fund mango-man-child who, through the provenance of lucky timing and a voting power-base of slavish morons, became the 45th President if the United States of America- a position that he abused beyond the pale to acquire fraudulent wealth and undeserved power, while simultaneously embarrassing himself, this country, and the office itself.

He’s the nepotist who selected his unqualified family to administrative positions, he’s the only President to be twice-impeached, he’s the White Supremacist fan-favorite, who called Neo-Nazi’s “very fine people”, he’s the bigot who executed a ‘Muslim travel ban, he’s the tax cheat who refused to release his tax returns, the first time in four decades that a President has declined to do so, and he’s the narcissist that lied about his inauguration and rally crowd sizes.

Continuing on, he’s the brute who suggested to police officers to maltreat suspects, and he’s the science-denying jackass who withdrew from the Paris Agreement on climate change, he’s also the shortsighted sh**head who cut a pandemic early warning program, just two months before the COVID-19 pandemic occurred, he’s the Islamophobe who retweeted anti-Islam videos from a racist organization based in England, and he’s the xenophobe who referred to Haiti and El Salvador as “sh**hole countries*.

On top of all that, he’s known as the spoiled brat who labeled Democrats as being guilty of “treason” for not applauding his 2018 State of the Union address, and he’s the tone-deaf twat who blamed the FBI for nit preventing the Parkland school shooter, citing their investigation of him as a major cause, as well as being the publicity-seeking coward who ordered the pepper-spraying if BLM activists, just so he could pose with a holy book he’s never read, in front of a religious institution that he never visits.

Not to mention, he is in addition, the vaccine conspiracy disseminator who tried to take credit for the vaccine, he’s the whiner who launched a ‘voter fraud hotline’ that had to be discontinued after pranksters swamped it with bogus reports, he’s the joke of a President, who walked out of a ceremony honoring Dan Gable, who was being awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom without explanation, which might have been due to the revelation that he once publicly uttered, about wanting to give himself the same honor.

But lastly, and most importantly, he’s the traitorous slug who stole classified documents, and fomented an attempted insurrection after he lost his 2020 re-election bid, leaving his riotous followers to rot in prison, while he skipped away with their money in his pockets, and their love for him still puzzlingly intact.

That’s who he is, Lindy. Glad I could clarify that for you.

These slight never to be considered aggravations for his devotees aside, Lindy’s meme seems almost quaint in light of what her fellow idiots are posting these days. Some for instance, are just so goddamn stupid and delusional, that you can only wonder just how the people responsible fir their creation, have managed to make toast for all these years without fatally injuring themselves in the process of doing so.

If you’ve ever pondered just why Preparation H still needs usage instructions, here’s your answer:

When I was younger, it was rumored that there was a specifically naughty film wherein a woman who was also named Debbie, supposedly “did” Dallas, but I wasn’t aware that they had made a recent sequel where an entirely different Debbie, did “Dumb”. JFC, I’ve heard of the Blind leading the Blind, but I always assumed it was referring to Stevie Wonder hosting a charity sing-a-long, and not Helen Keller giving a guided tour through a Cambodian minefield.

I like how Debbie No-wits-ki here, accuses the “Dems and RINO’s” of violating the Constitution for daring to hold Trump accountable for his numerous acts of dereliction of duty, as well as alleged treason, while deliberately ignoring the same. Toss in her conveniently forgetting that just a short time ago, (and as I described earlier) it was Trump who openly called for the abolishment of the Constitution entire, and you can easily see why the interior spaces of Debbie’s house, purposely have no sharp corners.

Debbie has some other rather interesting takes on Trump’s “actual” situation , one of which I will be sharing later on, but as as you might have surmised by now, the lunacy of his most die-hard adherents, despite finding themselves somewhat diminished on the national stage these days, still clings to the bones of certain individuals, as it were the very marrow encased within them.

Such is the case with this sparking example of mental obesity, one James Oscar Holmes of Woodbridge, VA- seen here, working on his “Spock has Stage 4 Alzheimer’s” makeup for 2022’s Star Trek Las Vegas Convention:

So, how did this obvious eyebrow caterpillar aficionado of unique intellect, wind up on my ever so faithful radar? It’s simple, really. As it is with most of the alleged humans I so caustically chronicle, all he had to do, was post something mind-bogglingly stupid, and the Universe stepped in to guide my hand. You’d be amazed how often that happens, and yet… people are always genuinely surprised.

For the record, this is what initially got my attention, a brainless beauty that truly, has it all:

As an affirmed and happily open atheist, I find the concept of slavish worship to a supposed deity, other than that which should be naturally and willingly accorded to Milla Jovovich or Debbie harry, somewhat mystifying.in both its practice, if not the rationalizations given for doing so. But even from my logically sound perch as a non-believer, I know that this statement is all the shades of f**ked up.

If there are any fans of the Celestial among you out there reading this, let me assure you from the comfort of my ironic tower, that abandoning your magically-thinking-based faux faith centered around a virtuously pure divinity, is NOT “tantamount” [correct spelling] to cutting foundational ties with a lying, grafting, whore-mongering, conspiracy-theory promoting, treasonous demagogue, who’s not only a self-admitted rapist, but possibly harboring some pedophilic tendencies, as well.

Even if he and his cult of cucks do regard him as a Deity, which when given Trump’s sociopathic propensities, for delusionally undeserved self-aggrandizement, may be the only thing that he and the mythical “God”, have in common. But lest ye forget, my child of dubious faith, not supporting the walking affront to all that God commands, makes you the heathen here, not the man-pig who wallows in it, as if it were dime-store-bronzer that makes him appear as if he were a deep-fried bottle of Orange Crush.

As for the rest of Holmes’s bizarre word-association game wherein he equates sex changes with of all things, inflation- all I can offer in regards to that, is the wonderment if he’s been sadly confusing his necessary psychotropic meds for his eyebrow hair-dye, yet again. But to his credit, Holmes does know the top priority that all GQP politicians should ascribe to accomplish while in office, and as you’d suppose coming from this odious octogenarian, it’s as vilely insane as his take on religious faith is:

Ah yes, the “Anti-Americans”. The ancestral enemy of all Presidents who find themselves unreasonably held to account for an act of treason that’s barely worth mentioning, much less investigating, just because they attempted to overthrow established democracy via an insurrection based on debunked lies. And if there’s one thing that’s been proven to set these law-abiding interfering bastards straight, it’s additional threats to their safety, lives, and liberty.

I’m sure that’ll work like a charm

And as a logically-based aside James, if Trump hasn’t, or hadn’t done anything wrong, then “They” wouldn’t be able to cause him any actual trouble whatsoever. In fact, by attempting to do so, they’d only wind up increasing his political capital, rather than diminishing it. Seems to me, the only people who are “SCARED” outside of the mango-man-child himself, are his asinine adherents such as yourself, and whomever has to eventually represent him in court.

But Holmes, like most rabid dogs with a desiccated bone, just can’t let “it” go:

Statements like this, where Cult 45 members prophesize that “justice” will be harshly meted out to all who dared oppose the whims of their Tangerine-Tinted Gilded Calf, are both unilaterally hilarious and unsettling, across the board. Hilarious, because the persons moist responsible for espousing it, are either so old that they belch dust, or so morbidly obese, that the only way they could ever the room of retribution, is if they greased up the sides of the doorframe first. 

And unsettling, because they’re not the only ones spearheading this maniacal frame of mind, as clearly evidenced by the events of J6. If we’re going to “ruminate” on anything, the farcical idea that a group of faux patriots lining us up against the wall dispensing vigilante justice, isn’t what we should be worrying about- the fact that they think that they’ll be able to do so with impunity, is.

Let’s call it as it is- anyone who equates a political party being ruled by the mythical forces of the darkly demonic, isn’t expressing a difference of opinion, they’re articulating a festering bouillabaisse of a possible mental illness, if not a psychotic break from established reality.

However, the truly terrifying part of it all, is not just that they believe their own delusions, but that they’re seemingly recruiting to fatten up their ranks by offering their fellow mentally deficient brethren, the validity they seek for the imagined transgressions that they feel they’ve been unjustly subjected to:

As you may have observed, the ignorant refrain that Trump has been unreasonably accused by a cabal of cravenly conspirators, is key to the virulent hatred that’s ever so necessary to fueling the MAGA community’s sense of desired and highly-placed relevance within a society that without their unhinged screeching and numerous acts of inane idol-worship, wouldn’t pay them any mind at all.

What I do find odd though about Holmes unhinged utterances, outside of his bizarre capitalizing of words that don’t require it, even as a literary “punch” point, is the incessant reiteration that Trump’s primary purpose as president, is to serve as an instrument of Alt-Wrong retribution, and nothing else. That’s not a President intent on carrying out the collective Will of the People, boys and girls, that’s a fascist, intent on insulating himself from both societal reproach and legal consequence.

Rest assured that Holmes, as well as the others of odious distinction residing within his fanatical fraternity, are well aware of that. He, as well as they, have just erroneously chosen to place faith in the naive construct that slavish loyalty breeds unconditional protection, despite the fact that the entire known range of History itself, easily proves otherwise.

Stalin had purges, Hitler had the Night of the Long Knives, Mao had the Cultural Revolution, Saddam Hussein, the Comrades Massacre, but Trump? He’s actually done one better than all of those wannabes, for he’s managed to weaponize his cadre of MAGAts into a denomination of disciples who, even after he openly abandoned them on J6 to the American judicial system, still maintain that he’s looking out for them to this very day, despite all blatantly obvious evidence to the contrary.

And for all their talk about “Making America Great Again”, let’s see how they really feel about America: itself:I could quite easily point out that these faux patriots long for an America that’s never existed outside of a Norman Rockwell calendar or a TBN movie, but I’d also have to acknowledge that St. John here, might actually be on to something, albeit from a different direction.

Considering that America is now a widely diverse country with women and the descendants of slaves in a varying range of authoritative roles, and that land ownership is no longer a requirement (or a barrier) to power acquisition, they’d probably not be fans of it, overall.

There would be exceptions of course, as a few of the FF would be totally onboard with some of the commonalities of today, but when you take into account the collective experience of the time frame, they existed in being applied to the standards of today, the majority of them would still find themselves either terribly confused, or possibly even downright terrified.

The contextual underlayment of this meme, as it is with the wider range of Conservative “arguments”, is a false analogy at its best, and it simply doesn’t wash out in the end. I’m fairly confident that if the FF had the ability to time-travel, they’d be mutually horrified at the issues of veteran and elderly neglect, the abominable failure to eradicate childhood poverty and adequately fund access to public education, as well as the clearly defined elitism that has yet to be nullified, in regards to our current justice system.

And I can assure you that as the very archetype of American Patriotism, they’d be repulsed by not only the modern-day GQP for ignoring and worsening these domestic matters so proudly, but by their willing adherence to obey and slavishly promote, the whims of what has turned out to be, the closest analogy to that of a truly mad king that this Republic has ever been witness to, since its founding.

Noble, these cravenly cultists are not, but as they see it, they are nothing less than Warriors of Virtue:

“ULTRA MAGA”: when you need to advertise that your family tree resembles a replacement lead for a mechanical pencil, but don’t know how to do so with the effectiveness required.

I get the communism reference, as the modern-day GQP still believes that word carries some weight, in 2023, but the addition of “Satan” as a credible foe, reveals just how far down the rabbit-hole that they’ve willingly gone. Can you just imagine if Ronald Reagan, Bush Sr., or even the dumbf**k that is Bush Jr. ,had started off expounding on the evils of communism, and then ended on Satan as a wrap-up??

Both sides of the political partisan fence would have lost their goddamn minds, and said leader who uttered such insanity, would have lost not only their previously settled reputation, but their grasp on political power as well. I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll have to say lt again: MAGA IS A CULT, AND NOT A TRUE POLITICAL MOVEMENT.

The differences being, that political movements evolve (or devolve) over time, their leaders as well as their original base of supporters, come and go, and eventually if all goes to plan, they find themselves normalized into whatever is considered to be the “mainstream” at that particular time. MAGA is so not that, as all of it’s energy goes into feeding (and protecting) the voracious ego of a narcissistic human airhorn, and that’s it.

MAGA has no theoretical policies to help the average American, save for trying to convince them that Billionaires are the real victims of the US Tax Code, and need even far more financial absolution. No self-reflecting insights regarding the true reason why an allegiance to Religion is on the decline in America, save for demonizing the LGBTQ Community as being the root cause for it all.

No solution to cease the ongoing pandemic of mass shootings in this country’s schools and public spaces either, except to suggest that they need to be fortified as if Thanos himself, was set to attack them.

No proposals concerning childhood poverty, affordable healthcare, the funding of public education or other such crucial societal infrastructure, and let’s not forget, their willing indifference in regards to certifying the allegorical safety nets provided by federal aid programs for both our deserving veterans ,and the sadly disadvantaged among us. However, don’t you fret, my Children of the Scorned, because these insurrection and treason embracing cultists, have got buckets of “REVENGE” just waiting in store for their “enemies”, be they real or imagined.

Nevertheless, while this may not solidify anything of note, save for their “I’m a Militia” fever-dreams, it will undoubtedly help boost the sales of guns, MAGA-themed birthday cakes,(with white frosting, of course) Chick-fil-A curly fries, Kid Rock and Ted Nugent Cd’s, and most certainly, the bottom line of whomever it is that makes those white robes with the complimentary 3 AM front-lawn BBQ starter set, for the KKK.

See? I can, every now and then, highlight the positive, even if it’s intrinsically linked with that which is negative. And surprisingly, albeit to a limited degree, so can our anti-American MAGA adversaries, as this post attests:

Now, on the surface, this morass of mentally stunted gobbledygook may appear insane, and it most certainly is, but there’s also a great deal of common ground to be found here as well, if only we look at it this way: all of these conspiracy theories displayed within this mess of a meme, are also the things that we find maddening as well, but in reverse stead.

After all, this listing of conspiracies that these MAGAts perceive as the “truth”, are the truths that we know to be conspiracies. If my inherent sense of optimum was cynicism free, I’d say that we were halfway to possibly reaching an understanding, if only from a certain point of view.

The truly ironic thing about this meme however, is that depending on your political leanings, is the quirk that its message could literally work for either side, despite its originator being a staunch conservative who allegedly, views Trumpism as nothing less than the Second Coming.

As I said, common ground. Perhaps.

The problem nevertheless, is the reality that for the last twenty years these simpletons have ingested a diet of puerile propaganda that over time, has slowly altered their brains to the point that while they still have the ability to absorb knowledge, they lack the capacity to retain any of it that directly challenges their unsupported misbeliefs, or to be franker, their unhinged delusions.

So how can we as a nation overcome this ideological divide, and find ourselves reintegrate with each other once again? In the simplest abstract, we just can’t. Too much allegorical water has gone under the bridge where these treasonous trolls live, and to be fair, some of them have forgone the right to be allowed to walk among us as freely as they once did.

I say this, because my logic regarding such, is sound. If someone had spent close to six years chasing you around your house, trying to bash your head in with your very own fire extinguisher, how willing would you be to let bygones be bygones?  Especially if their only excuse, was that they had been fed blatantly obvious lies that a four-year-old could have sussed out as being pure bulls**t?

Yeah… me neither

Make no mistake; it took us decades to find ourselves here, but it will take us far longer to get out from under the weighty stench of it all. The damage willingly allowed by both political parties, albeit with some marginal resistance within their ranks, is a real-life episode of an American Horror Story that will be dissected with derisive disbelief for a far longer time then the deprogramming it will take to leach its insidious influence from those most affected by it, and those various others that they’ve inflicted it upon.

The ideological adherence to the false belief that they’re being subjected to unwarranted victimization, is nothing new whereas the modern-day Conservative movement is concerned, but it’s gone from being a cravenly gambit occasionally played, but now, serves as the Alt-Wrong’s paranoid war cry for not only the highly susceptible and ill-informed among their inane ilk,, but their de facto leader as well:

This narcissiically characteristic claim to being the protector of all under his gaze, despite his penchant for throwing people under the bus as soon as they prove useless to him, came mere hours after Trump found himself impeached for abuse of power, just before he found himself additionally saddled with a second article of impeachment, charging him with obstruction of Congress.

Ironically, Twitter wound up taking down the image, after receiving a copyright complaint from the New York Times, who as it stands, retains the rights to said photo. In a way, this is par for the course for America’s tangerine-tinted-taint: claim the superiority of your position, and then immediately undermine your falsely believed validity, by doing something that proves you’re dumber than drunken sand.

For the record, if not the sake of posterity, Trump is not “in the way” of anything, except perhaps, the restoring of this country’s soul, which he gleefully ripped asunder to serve his own egocentrically licentious self-interest.

And as for his claim that “they’re after you”” No, “they” are not. In fact, they could care less about you, save for when you’re at6tempting to overthrow democracy at the behest of an asinine apostate, who, as he’s shown time and time again, wouldn’t condescend to piss on you, if you were to be set aflame in his presence.

Not only does he want to watch the world burn, he’s more than happy to use you as the kindling to do it.

So, here are your choices, MAGAts- you can either hop back on board the reality bus, earnestly atone for the numerous and odious transgressions inflicted upon this county, your neighbors, your family, your friends, and most importantly: yourself.

And only then, can you endeavor to rid your psyche of the parasitic conspiracy theories, racism, misogyny, xenophobia, anti-LBGTQ hysteria, which you’ve been ever so eager to propagate as if it were oasis’s in the desert. Or you can remain as you are: paranoid, oblivious, cravenly, hateful, and in the end, the cluelessly inadvertent villain of your own story.

A fate, which if you’ve ever read a fairy-tale book all the way through, rarely works out well in the end.


“My optimism wears heavy boots, and is loud.” – Henry Rollins

Dope Springs Infernal Pt.3 (A Hate Worse Than Debt.)

“Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another” 
– Homer

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

How do we find ourselves today? I for one, find myself patently waiting on a truckload of data relating to a relatively recent chemical spill out here on the outskirts of my bucolic burg so that I can write about it, and until it arrives, the best I can do, is twiddle my thumbs as I stare deeply into the void of eternal human suffering, as we all tend to do from time to time.

Seriously HULU… get your shit together, put it in your shit backpack, and start airing the new season of “Rick and Morty” already. I’m literally losing my mind over here, and I’m a hair’s breadth away from starting to pick up yet another pointless self-involved hobby, which mythical Lord knows, I really shouldn’t do:

So, what pray tell, is a truly bored Artbitch to do?

Sure, I could use this down time to learn a new skill, work on my forever-coming-along book project, or perhaps even perfect my classic Ding Dongs and frozen anchovy pizza salad recipe, but why do all that, when I can just as easily, reach deep into my allegorical storage closet of human scratching posts to amuse myself before the world of community-based environmentalism demands my full attention?

Now, if I were truly lazy, I could craft a half-hearted kind of snarky pastiche, or perhaps even a “Where Are They Now? “ sort of homage, but here at the ol’ Lair of Snarkitude, we’re innovators, not imitators, and we take pride in bringing the new, the interesting, and most definitively, the ignorant, to the readers that I so appreciate.

In the past, I’ve introduced you all to a wide array of bigots, false Christians, conspiracy-theory adherents, treason-supporting Trumpists, homophobic haranguers, and cravenly dullards, whom could be best charitably described as being “short-bus special”, but as a rule, these abominable flaws of character were distributed evenly across the spectrum of the personalities I’ve familiarized for you, and never singularly amalgamated in to the walking urinal cake of a demagogue, that today’s screed subject so proudly presents themselves to be.

To be fair though, it would be akin to my spitting in the face of the Writing Gods, if I were to ever dissuade myself from utilizing the never-ending resource that is the intellectual density of one James Ray Spring of Oklahoma City< Oklahoma, and as someone who appreciates both an easy journey, if not a free meal at the end of it, I would never do that, even on the worst of my days.

I may not be Kurt Vonnegut, but I’m also quite certainly, not the epitome of *Kilgore Trout, either.
*[Kilgore Trout is a fictional character created by author Kurt Vonnegut. In Vonnegut’s work, Trout is a notably unsuccessful author of paperback science fiction novels.]

I’ve been running you through the truly warped world-view of Spring’s densely dystopian mind-set over the course of my last two screeds, and while I was (weirdly) looking forward to turning my back on his mentally toxic sludge to write about the physicality of actual toxic sludge, I find myself on his doorstep yet again, due to the ironic lack of data for one tale, and the overabundance of it, for another.   

To put it in a way that’s easy to understand, here’s the current stats on my personal research file comprised solely of Spring’s racist, homophobic, misogynistic, transphobic, conspiracy and hate-laden, willingly uninformed, social media postings:

Keep in mind, that the next best contender that I have on my list of Conservative inanity, has a personal best of 175 images in total, which hardly qualifies as a pittance where Spring’s puerile productivity is concerned. And I might add, that’s a compilation that was accrued over the course of close to three years, whereas Spring’s, was acquired in less than four months.

And doing so, using a culling process that took less time to achieve than the stint I’d normally spend on making toast. I say “took” because as of this moment, Spring, ever the technological wizard, ultimately figured out that there was a “blocking” feature on Facebook, and he finally used it… close to three weeks after he was informed of its existence… by ME:

Granted, while I don’t fathom the comparison to a mentally-ill gay transvestite, as it’s based on Spring and his hetero boyfriends misunderstanding of the corresponding sub-cultures, I do love just how equally causeless his BFF is about how social media and their respective platforms work, as well.

Along those lines, I just had to include this ironic self-own that Spring once posted regarding what he perceives as an intellectual win, but I’m sure that since he blocked me, versus the other way around, there’s no way this distinction could ever be applied in reverse, I’m sure:

And I’m not gonna lie here, the honor of being labeled as an entity who is nothing less than “Satanic” is always an ego boost as well, because as someone who always tries to bring his best work to the allegorical table when he’s utilizing the machinations of purest evil for the Greater Good, honest compliments are always truly appreciated, if not ultimately expected.

There’s an old saying that a person is the one true “gift that keeps on giving”, and to a limited extent, this assertion is somewhat accurate, but in regards to Spring’s voluminous output of sheer inanity, ideological vileness, and willingly ignorant paranoia, I’d opine that he’s the closest thing that I’ve ever seen to a human representation of the Giving Tree, if such had been scripted by the poet emeritus of Stormfront.

I’m kidding of course, about the Stormfront reference, as I’m sure Spring’s Native American heritage would make him ineligible for full membership, but I’d equally suspect that they’d also be quite appreciative of the work he’s been inadvertently doing oh their cause’s behalf, nevertheless.

This is not to say, or even subtly suggest, that Spring harbors any deep-rooted White supremacist views, but given his past revelations of self as evidenced by his online postings, he is without a doubt, sharing some communal space on their observational sun-deck:To note, my Moron of Militia-ocrity, the reason why it’s NOT classified as an “invasion”, is based on several validated differences twixt these two disparate analogies, some of which are obvious, and others that given the leeway of both time and experience, will most certainly reveal themselves, later on down the allegorical road, as it were.

Starting off, the migrants coming to this country seeking asylum and the promise of a far better life, unlike the Russians attempting to seize Ukraine, aren’t arriving in armored divisions equipped to the eyeballs with military-grade weaponry slaughtering the resistant citizenry, and as an added bonus, generally aren’t blowing up schools, churches, and hospitals, to boot.

But as that’s just off the top of my head, I’m fairly confident that my listing defining their respective variances, may be somewhat incomplete. However, like most jingoistic jackals, Spring isn’t going to let a sacrificial lamb wriggle out of his slime-dripping maw, due to the inconvenience of established reality- no siree, Bob. If anything, he’s just going to double down, and engage in what Neocons do better than anybody else; blaming the downtrodden for wanting to be free of their burdens:

Is it just me, or has anybody else noticed that Jimmy’s cultural references are as outdated as his repulsive assertions? Granted, I wouldn’t use the modern-day take on the Riddler, as inexcusably played by Jim Carrey to modernize this meme, but I’d also point out that even Frank Gorshin’s take on the character from the 60’s Batman TV show, would never say anything so abominably bigoted to begin with.

I get it Jimmy- due to your paranoid idiocy, you feel a compulsion to deliberately mar every interaction you have with your fellow human beings, but do you have to f**k up the timeless joy associated with POP culture too?

My guess would be “yes”.

Nevertheless, our bigot of the hour did raise a question, asinine and hateful as it is, and because I believe in tacking the issue of racism and its flag-bearers head on, I’ll be more than happy to answer it in a way that Spring can hopefully understand, and if such a thing is still possible- learn a lesson from.

Normally, when dealing with someone of Spring’s limited intellect and emotional maturity, this would be the part where I break out the hand-puppets and/or the flash-cards, but as this screed is of a far more literary construction, rather than the one grounding live theatre, I’ll muddle through as best I can.

Well, the answer is simple, if not somewhat and culturally complicated, all at once. As Spring is of Native American descent, his inherent distrust of immigrants does make sense in the grand abstract, and I will give him that, albeit to a rational point.

As a person of German ancestry, I very rarely drop my last name inside the confines of an orthodox Jewish deli, if you know what I mean, and given just how much I appreciate the joy of a good Reuben, I’m sure you can understand why I don’t.

But as I noted in my last screed, Spring’s immigrant-based-bigotry isn’t universally spread across the rainbow of what he might perceive as cultural interlopers, as you might expect from a native son of the Earth- it’s focused solely on the chromatic pond that he himself stems from: that of the obviously non-Caucasian.

As I’ve catalogued previously, if Spring had any form of grave issue with the Aryan side of things, I’d totally get it 100%. But his (somewhat) fellow indigenous persons? Seriously, Dude… what in the hell is that about? And then, you dare question their “contribution” to what you wrongly and ever so arrogantly, imply is “your” country alone?

America was founded on immigration, you dickish dolt, and it achieved its greatness through the strength of its diversity, and due to such humble beginnings, remains the beacon to countries worldwide as a place where any man (or woman) can become more than they originally were- quite literally, “The American Dream”, and you think that the responsibility of its dissemination, should be placed solely within the hateful hands of bigots like yourself?

Thank mythical God that it’s not, and hopefully, never will be. But the question of; “How do Immigrants strengthen our country, but not their own?” still remains unanswered, so here’s my take, such as it is.

Starting us off, we have the immeasurable labor resource pool that keeps the American agriculture, resort/hotel, and restaurant industries humming along, along with the edifying contributions to our food culture, as well. I won’t speak for you of course, but personally, I’m totally fine with a food truck on every corner in this country, especially if they’re competing against one another

It was once said that; “Nothing brings out the best in a person, quite like a singular challenge”, and the day somebody comes along and invents fusion Greek-Indian-Mexican cuisine that can be deep-fired and served inside a pita, that will be the day this country finally achieves its true potential for awesomeness.

Not to mention, immigrants are also the number one developers of small businesses in this country as a rule, so feel free to take your demonization of such industrious persons Jimmy, and shove it where you once buried your humanity. I could also point out to my wannabe White warrior here, that most people who helped build the foundations of this country were “illegal” as well, (more so at one point) but why do that, as Spring would only find a way, as he always does, to ignore it?

Food and entrepreneurship aside, the benefaction to our country’s artistic, literary, and cinematic communities can also not be overlooked, and I have to wonder just how many of these in-tandem activities Spring happily partakes of, as he obliviously spews his revoltingly ignorant xenophobia to the world entire. As for Spring’s racist jibe querying as to why “they” can help us out, but not their own, the answer to that, is also quite simple- the distribution and application of accrued power.

Whether the disadvantage being faced is financial, political, terroristic, or educational, the majority of refugees who come here aren’t fleeing their homelands seeking the “Free”, as Spring and his conservative ilk would have us believe, but are instead, questing search for the Freedom of a possible future seemingly unachievable within the places of their birth, due to the insurmountable challenges involved.

Unsurprisingly, Spring deliberately overlooks these contributing factors to the plight of migrants, not because he doesn’t perceive them as true, but because they obviously get in the way of his oft-cited false narratives that he so blatantly and specifically pimps:

I hate to burst your dope bubble, Jimmy Ray, but Terrorists LOVE Trump. They in fact adore him, and quite deeply, it seems. Take for instance, the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, with whom Trump once claimed to have “fallen in love with”, after the duo exchanged personal correspondence, disturbingly described by those in knowledge of their contents as, and I quote; “love letters”.

Urk, I say. URK.

And who among us, can forget the appreciation shown by US frenemy Saudi Arabia, the alleged financiers of 9-11, after Trump not only unconscionably overlooked the revelation that they had brutally murdered a dissident journalist residing in America, and then just as coldly dismembered his corpse, he did so, that he could then facilitate a deal wherein he sold them weapons?

Then there’s also the 2017 state visit from Turkey’s president [dictator] Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, in which Erdoğan’s personal security detail attacked a group of American protesters, sending nine people to local DC hospitals with injuries ranging from concussions to lacerations, an act of aggression to which Trump reacted with nothing but silence.

That may be due to the fact that in a 2015 radio interview broadcast on Breitbart News, then-host, and now convicted criminal Steve Bannon, asked Trump if Turkey was a “reliable partner”, to which Trump bragged; “I have a little conflict of interest ’cause I have a major, major building in Istanbul. It’s a tremendously successful job. It’s called Trump Towers — two towers, instead of one, not the usual one, it’s two.”

Apparently, he needed to clarify that it was two towers, because I guess he assumed (correctly) that moist of his support base doesn’t understand just how the concept of plurality works.

Not to mention, Trump, as he has reputedly done with most of the sociopathic strongmen he’s ever met, has expressed open admiration for the way Erdoğan runs his country, going so far as to say that Erdoğan was, and I quote; “doing a fantastic job for the people of Turkey,” obliviously adding in sometime later, that Erdoğan also had a; “great relationship with the Kurds”, despite the fact that Turkey has publicly deemed the ethnic group as established terrorists.

And whatever you do, don’t even get me started on Trump’s man-crush on Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, the journalist-murdering dictator of Russia, whom Trump obviously tries (and thankfully fails) to emulate, because we will seriously be here all day.

I will say however, that if you’re currently in the market seeking a life-partner, find yourself one that looks at you the way that Vlad Tepid here, is looking at our resident Count of Mostly Crisco:

I don’t care what anyone says- these two were made for each other, and that’s just beautiful.

Irrespectively though, U.S. representative lhan Abdullahi Omar being a woman of devout Muslim faith doesn’t automatically make her a “terrorist” as Spring’s abhorrent meme implies, but it does add to my theorem that at best, he’s nothing more than a misogynistic racist, and a total f**king idiot, at worst.

Proof of this concept, can be found by observing his pattern of repeated attacks centered upon twice-elected US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who, along with other women in positions of political power, Spring erroneously derides as being less than intelligent, due to nothing more than the fact that they possess vaginas he can’t access, and present contradictory opinions that he cannot control.

Imagine that… a Trump supporter, disparaging someone else’s intellectual capability.

The irony. It simply burns, does it not?

But as with all things James Ray Spring, the proof is in the puerile pudding, and if Spring is known for anything, it’s his mythical God-given ability to take what most sane persons would regard as abominable character flaws, and elevate them to a new plateau where his racism, misogyny, and incel-level fear of strong women, comes out to display who he truly is when others aren’t paying attention.  

Has anyone else ever noticed, that when Alt-Wrong Neandertals such as Spring, lunch attacks on female politicians, they never go after their policies and aspects of known character, as a normal person would, but choose instead, to issue pathetically sexist slurs that cannot be supported by verifiable facts?

 I’m sure there’s a good reason for that, and I’m most certain it has nothing to do with the reality that the kind of man who utters such slander, are the same ones who optimistically buy condoms on their way to a family reunion. And even better, is the particular type of man who thinks that it’s still socially acceptable for him to do so, despite all evidence to the contrary:

Dear mythical God, thank you for the bounty of the gift you just bestowed upon me, and to a lesser degree, my readership base. So, Adam Carolla, thinks that AOC “sounds like an idiot”? Well, that’s a damming assertion coming from a community college dropout, who once co-helmed “The Man Show”, a sexist piece of television tripe where women jumping on trampolines, was the main draw of said program.

Carolla’s past employment includes stints as a carpet cleaner, a boxing coach, and a traffic-school instructor, so obviously with such laudable personal achievements under his belt, he’s more than qualified to pass judgment upon a sitting US Representative, who unlike he, actually graduated cum laude from Boston University with a double major in business and economics, and as previously noted, has been duly elected twice to the office she now holds.

 But Carolla does host a podcast where he does his best impression of an untainted Howard Stern, to the amusement of fellow man-tards steeped in AXE body-spray, so that’s almost as impressive, right?

To be fair, the Guiness Book of World Records did certify that his podcast was the most downloaded podcast after receiving 59,574,843 unique downloads from March 2009 to March 16, 2011, breaking the previous record set by The Ricky Gervais Show, but, as most record claimants must pay to have their records recognized, the fact that Gervais’s show, had 5 times more downloads (300M) than Corolla’s claimed record, makes Corolla’s cultural bragging rights somewhat self-servingly disingenuous.

Regardless, the attacks from the Alt-Wrong continue, and one of the more favored false narratives favorited by these inane incels regarding AOC’s intellect, is based off a comment she made during an interview with the news program, 60 Minutes. A comment that was referred to in the second meme posted by Spring, contained within the AOC collage above.

In Spring’s version, AOC is outed as saying that; “It’s more important to be morally right, than factually correct”, with an immediate response by well-known GQP token and hypocrite Thomas Sowell below it, issuing a harsh rebuke, but as is usual with the majority of Spring’s commentary, it’s not entirely accurate:

Now, while the wording of her annotation is similar, its context is noticeably different, when one goes to the original source of it. Only a false Christian Neocon like Spring, would find or take offense at the common logic suggestion that one should always be concerned about the morality of a choice, rather than the phrasing attached to it.

he crazy one here, but aren’t the GQP the self-declared party of “values”, despite the duality of their having seemingly none to offer, while becoming obviously incensed at the mere suggestion of actual ones being possibly introduced? Seriously guys- pick an opinion, and f**king land on it, already.

I’d also like to call attention if I may, to the fact that the very same people labeling AOC as an unintelligent woman, are also the same ones that ostensibly, have zero issue with Marjorie Taylor Greene ranting about “Jewish Space Lasers”, or when Lauren Boebert openly espouses the madness of replacement theory, which falsely claims that powerful “elites” are replacing white people with people of color from other countries.

Nevertheless, it cannot be said that the GQP is incapable of having a Plan “B” when their asinine attacks fail to leave a mark, and in the case of the strong intelligent women that they despise, if they can’t push the outdated sexist trope that the fairer sex is intellectually weaker, they’ll rely on their other favorite proverbial low-hanging fruit, that being the condemnation or mockery of their physical appearance:

To refresh your memory, may I point out that the mango-tinted-man-child-worshipping-man-tard that posted these cravenly sexist absurdities concerning women far smarter, if not far more accomplished than he will ever be, looks like this:

Back the hell off ladies, for this sex-god, resembling the type of guy you’d see lurking around the darkened corners of a woman’s dressing room, is happily taken, and no longer a free agent. I once heard it said that all women in the end, eventually “settles”, but JFC, how far down into the bedrock did Jimmy’s wife have to drill to find this misogynistic dinosaur?

I’ve oft said it before that no person is truly a walking cartoon or an intractable stereotype, but if I were tasked to find the best representation of bumper sticker ideology made flesh traversing this giant ball of granite and space-dust, Spring here, would most certainly be my go-to guy for the achieving of such.

And while his previously revealed flaws of charter are annoying enough, it’s Spring’s contradictory assertions and dictations of proper social etiquette, that I really enjoy:

So, to recap for all you ladies out there, just remember that looks aren’t important, unless of course, you dare to accessorize yourself with accoutrements that buck conventional societal mores. Because as we all know, there’s no advice that women appreciate more than the kind offered up by a septuagenarian misogynist, who is unknown to them.

And as an aside, the inadvertent irony of Spring, whom has quite the history of making bigoted, racist, and sexist remarks concerning persons he does not, or cares not, to know, publicly submitting his … let’s just call it “wisdom” for dissemination, is nothing less than a prime example of misfired arrogant hilarity.

And as an aside, the inadvertent irony of Spring, whom has quite the history of making bigoted, racist, and sexist remarks concerning persons he does not, or cares not, to know, publicly submitting his … let’s just call it “wisdom” for dissemination, is nothing less than a prime example of misfired arrogant hilarity. But as it is to be expected, and despite its inanity, Spring just keeps pushing his inconsistent tripe, nevertheless:

Well, this is a range of emotional opinions, is it not? We go from a solid protocol of respecting women for who they are, to implying that men are failing in their need to be “masculine”, to suggesting that its perfectly acceptable to harm a woman for daring to disagree with you. Yup. What a perfectly rational thought process, given these modern times.

I do wonder however, that when Spring goes out and harvests these moronic memes as a monument to his misogynistic mental mediocrity, does he ever catch the small details within them, like I tend to do? I hate to nitpick, but if I were ever to post a meme regarding to American capitalism that takes place inside a car, I’d endeavor to make sure the car that was depicted, had the steering wheel configuration on the correct side of said car, at least.

And while I do know that Spring’s last meme is intended to be a joke, it’s far more apparent that it’s a subtle confession to confirming his fear of independent women in general, For the record such as it is, I don’t find it funny in the slightest. Violence against women, whether implied or virtual, is not a laughing matter, and the fact that Spring so casually presents it as a punchline, just gives to show that his platitudes advocating for the respect of women, are as morally thin as his intellect.

Seriously Jimmy, that’s just lazy as f**k hate you’re spreading here- bring your “A” game next time. I do find it interesting though in relation to the “masculine” meme, how often Spring, the alleged “straight Christian” circles back around to “men being men”, whatever the hell that means in an age where gender representation is a far more fluid construct than at any other point in our country’s history.

But Spring knows who the real enemy of masculinity and femininity is, and he’s not afraid to announce it to the world entire, along with also proving yet again, exactly just how hatefully ignorant he is:

For the record such as it is, representing oneself as Trans is NOT a mental illness, nor is it anybody else’s business how somebody chooses to present themselves to the public, or what they prefer to be called in regards to the same.

Speaking only for myself, I will say that I have no problem whatsoever using the nomenclature that a person asks for, nor do I carry any modicum of hostile disparagement in concern to their chosen lifestyle, as well. Your life is your life, and my life is my life. Just wash your hands, tip your server, and whatever you do, please don’t take the handicapped parking space if you don’t need it, as I walk with a cane- that’s all that I ask,

Nevertheless, as an aside, I’d also point out that the definition of a mental illness is as such: “Any of a broad range of medical conditions (such as major depression, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, or panic disorder) that are marked primarily by sufficient disorganization of personality, mind, or emotions to impair normal psychological functioning and cause marked distress or disability and that are typically associated with a disruption in normal thinking, feeling, mood, behavior, interpersonal interactions, or daily functioning.

Now, I’m not entirely sure how a psychiatrist would characterize Spring’s consistent talking to a mythical “God”, his unwarrantedly paranoid fear of the LGBTQ Community, his inherent racism and rampant misogyny, and his publicly presenting unquestionable delusions based on conspiracy theories so insane, that even L. Ron Hubbard would give them the cold shoulder, and he’s the loon behind the “church” of Scientology.

With all that empirical data in mind, I would be truly supposed if any head-shrinker worth their salt, would dare suggest anything other than the fact that if there were ever an unwilling but fully deserving tenant who needed to occupy a secured room wallpapered in bubble-wrap for an extended siesta of sorts, Spring would most definitely fit that bill nicely.

Whereas Spring is seemingly concerned however, the merest granting of human dignity to a Transperson is akin to not only giving Satan himself a free reach-around, but topping it off with an act of brain-salad surgery as well.  If you don’t understand my reference, just ask any true Emerson Lake & Palmer fan, for they’ll happily tell you as well. And if you can’t find one of those, you can always ask your mom.

Although, if she does tell you, it will probably be presented wrapped in deeply begrudging regret.

I delved into Spring’s openly willful dislike/distrust/degradation of the LGBTQ community over the course of the last screed in which he was featured, but to be quite honest, I feel like I barely scratched the surface of his homophobia when I did so, for Spring’s near-obsessive fascination with alternative lifestyles, is right up there with my wish to trap George Lucas in an elevator for 30 minutes, so I can yell at him for ruining “Return of the Jedi’ by adding in those damn annoying Ewoks.

What can I say? We all have some strange life goals we’d like to achieve, and there’s no goddamn way in Hell that I will believe that a bunch of waddling dead-eyed, creepy AF, teddy bears armed with only stone-age technology defeated a cadre of Stormtroopers equipped with E-11 Blaster Rifles.

And yes… I WILL fight you on this. Hard.

But just like the unfortunately obsessed Austrian art professor turned NAZI agent Elsa Schneider, in “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade”, Spring can’t leave his Holy Grail of Hatred well enough alone, and he most certainly can’t accept the fact that gender assignation is no longer a construct of an abstract theorem, but a verified aspect of today’s societal certainty.

Nonetheless, Spring, who takes his scientific, societal, and interpersonal cues from a book of Bronze-Age fairy-tales, is steadfast in his determination to showcase the lack of branches on his family tree, and he does so, by openly displaying his ability to miss the obvious point, by misdirecting the conversation to avoid discussing that which is most relevant to gender identity, the mental acceptance of who one truly is, rather than the physical shell which may say otherwise:

Good point, Jimmy! Now if you could, please tell me which of those skeletons was also Gay, Trans, Conservative, Liberal, of a hateful false Christian hypocrite like yourself. And when you’re done establishing that, kindly inform me as to who the Nickelback fans among them were, so that we can call in a young priest and an old driest, to exorcise the demons that they may still carry.

Speaking of carrying abominable things, Spring’s ever-increasing paranoid ignorance as to who Transpeople are and what they truly represent, is only matched by his social illiteracy in being unable to differentiate between the numerous subdivisions that exist in tandem alongside said Trans-culture, as evidenced by this asinine posting, wherein he displays once again, both his intellectual immaturity, if not his single-digit IQ:

First off, I’d like to point out to those who like Spring, cannot discern between paranoiac fantasy and verified reality, that this is not an accurate depiction of persons who are Transgender, but of the uniquely interesting subculture known as “Furries”, instead.

To note; the definition of a Transperson is accepted as thus: “A Transgender person is someone who experiences Gender Dysphoria, a feeling in which their gender identity or expression of such, does not correspond with their biological sex.

This often leads Transgenders to assuage their societal and mental discomfort, by undertaking an allegorical and sometimes literal, physical transitioning, often implementing a different name in lieu of their now “dead” one, as well as espousing a defined set of pronouns as they do.”

But the Furries depicted within Spring’s ill-considered meme however, are a far different lot, and while they may seem slightly more fascinating culturally, they’re definitively not as compelling as the stories of the TG community, in this writer’s humble opinion. But what pray tell, is a Furry you ask/?

Well, according to Wikipedia, a Furry is: “A member of a subculture interested in anthropomorphic animal characters. Examples of anthropomorphic attributes include exhibiting human intelligence and facial expressions, speaking, walking on two legs, and wearing clothes.”

 A descriptive that is best illustrated by the photo below, representing what stereotypically passes as (to some extent) the standard attire for both male and female Furry aficionados alike:

Keeping in mind that I’m really not into this sort of thing, I’d still have to acknowledge that if I was, I would definitely buy that foxy lady a few drinks, unless of course, said Furry and I, could use the same Mach3 razor for the same intended purpose. No offense to the Furry community at large, but if I ever flip teams, it’s going to be for a guy that looks like 1995’s Pierce Brosnan in Goldeneye, and not one who resembles a squirrel.

Sorry / not sorry.

That metaphorical situation aside, Furries are not exclusively Transgender, even if the subculture itself, may tend to have members who actually are. Very much in the same way that knowing a queer person doesn’t make you an immediate expert on the collected works of Barbara Streisand and Cher, being a Transperson, doesn’t automatically make them an immediate member of every societal subculture that you may find deviant, as Spring apparently does.

Nevertheless, while Spring’s preoccupation with the TG facet of the LGBTQ Community borders on the disturbing in and of itself, it’s his continuing obsession with what are known as “Drag Queens”, that truly allows his wretched homophobia to take center stage.

For the uninitiated, a drag queen is [characteristically] a gay male, although some queens self-identify as either transgender or curiously enough, as cisgender. Drag queens assume both a female persona and their gender-specific clothing in order to perform routines, which stereotypically, could be classified as “over -the-top”.

While their chosen art and lifestyle was once relegated to the allegorical backrooms of most entertainment venues, there has been a growing societal acceptance of the DQ subculture over the last few years, thanks to well-known Queens such as RuPaul and Bianca Del Rio, and it is yet another thing that Spring, ever the eternal bigot and intellectual void, cannot simply abide:

And there it is, the bullspit gambit that is the “Protect the Children” narrative, foisted upon society by the very same people who in their quest to protect said children, have deliberately cut their social benefits, underfunded their public schools, demonized their single mothers and working-class parents, and whom have also done nothing of note to stop the epidemic of mass shootings in their schools, but I digress.

The callousness displayed towards DQ’s is founded upon the incessant need that Conservatives have to degradate that which in their hive mindset, they have determined to be the “Other”- a faceless and soulless entity that exists only to be mocked and reviled, by persons who desire a perpetual scapegoat to blame the ills of the world on, be they real or fantastical.

And as you may have foreseen, Spring, a man who sees everyone he doesn’t care to understand as adversaries, is only too happy to get on the hate wagon, and wave his pious pitchfork in protest:

Jesus F Christ, Jimmy. It’s one thing to have an opinion on a non-issue, asinine as it is, but for a refreshing change, could you just once, base yours off the bedrock of actually defined reality? F**k dude, I’ve got lawn furniture that’s smarter than you, and that s**t came from Walmart.

In order of Spring’s stupidity, no teacher anywhere, is “fighting’ to keep drag queens in schools, and the reason why the Bible isn’t allowed as part of the curriculum in public schools, is because we live in a constitutional republic and NOT a goddamn theocracy.

And no, kids don’t need parents reading them passages from within a book that describes numerous acts of murder, rape, sodomy, racism, slavery, misogyny, genocide, and clueless subjugation to a mythical and mercurial, sociopathic deity. If I had kids, I’d rather that “Goodnight Moon” be read to them by the absolutely fabulous Trixie Mattel, rather than your Bronze-Age version of a “Saw” film with angels.

However, it’s that last meme of Spring’s that really sticks in my allegorical craw, as it is equal parts ignorance, bigotry, and outright hypocrisy, which at this point, I’m starting to think is Spring’s personal superpower. To retort, no, it is not “easier” to get a DQ into a school than a Christmas tree, you f**king loon, and quite honestly, having you lecture us all on moral degeneracy, is akin to attending a class on food preparation, hosted by Jeffery Dahmer.

In short order Jimmy Ray, you’re a homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic, misogynistic, racist faux Christian, who not only supports the current GQP platform based on unwarranted fear, conspiracies, and sociopathy, but its de facto leader as well, that being a man who openly spews falsehoods, cheats on his spouse, steals government secrets, attempts insurrection, and brags about the women he’s sexually assaulted, as if he were talking about the items on his bucket list.

So maybe just maybe, when it comes to your sanctimonious sermonizing upon that which is good or evil, perhaps you  should, I don’t know… sit this one right the f**k out? But as it is with all curs politically rabid, Spring isn’t about to let a good bone go unmolested, even if he has to add a vile context to it that on no level, actually exists:

Save the Children” say the very same people who cut welfare programs that feed and house them, purposefully underfund the public schools that educate them, as they refuse to enact reasonable gun control to stop mass school shootings within said schools, while banning and burning the books that should be inside them, and who demand that the pregnant children of rape and incest, be forced to carry the resultant spawn of such atrocities to full term, but I digress.

As for Spring’s erroneous inference that DQs pose a severe threat to children, I’d counter with the proven fact that when it comes to the carnal orientation of sexual offenders, the ratio of heterosexual to homosexual pedophiles, was calculated to be approximately 11-1. In other words, the kids that Spring professes such fawning concern over, have far more to be worried about from someone like him, rather than anyone like RuPaul.

And in an even far more relevant note, I’d like to point out that while there have been over twenty-five schoolchildren killed this year in mass shooting events, there have been ZERO fatalities resulting from their alleged exposure to a drag queen show. But in concern to Spring’s need to fuel his own paranoia regarding a topic he knows not a thing about, and in all honesty, doesn’t care to, I do have a simple message that he needs to take to heart, and it is thus:

Sad to say though, that as it has been revealed over the last two screeds as well as this one, and as I’ve noted previously, Reality and Spring parted company quite some time ago, and the odds of an amicable reconciliation are probably just as strong as the band formerly known as Oasis, successfully getting through a reunion tour without lead singer Liam Gallagher and his brother Noel, killing one another..  

In other words, the chances are practically nonexistent.

Irrespective of this sad testament to the highly publicized failure of an interpersonal relationship, anyone who dares to willingly dive into Spring’s mentally-deficient psyche, will ultimately realize that they’re treading metaphorical merde in a cesspool overflowing with the vilest character flaws that a human being can present to the world, and even worse, it never sems to empty, regardless of how much logic draws out of it.

When the arrogance of his inanity fails, Spring resorts to intellectually weak personal attacks. When those miss the mark, he then hides behind the shield of his false faith, and when that gambit invariably crushes inward as it always does, he goes straight into the allegorical state of Def-Con 4, and launches the most repulsive and unwarranted of conspiracy theories, in order to maintain the small-dick energy that buttresses his vile ideology:   

For those of you unfamiliar with the context, I’ll explain: in a chilling attack during the early hours of October 27th, 2022, Paul Pelosi, the 82-year-old husband of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D) awoke to find a mentally-disturbed individual by the name of David DePape, standing next to his bed, wielding a hammer, carrying a bundle of Zip ties, and demanding to know exactly where Pelosi’s wife was.

He also was in possession of a roll of tape, a length of white rope, one pair of rubber and cloth gloves, and unless DePape was there to make a pinata out of common household items, his intent seems pretty obvious, especially given the fact that during the encounter, Pelosi suffered a skull fracture and serious injuries to his right arm and hands, but thankfully, is expected to make a full recovery.

According to the San Francisco Police, DePape told officers [allegedly] that “he was going to hold Nancy hostage and talk to her.” And that he would let her go if she were to tell him the “truth,” and if she “lied,” he was going to break “her kneecaps.”, ending his statement to officers with the assertion that “he viewed Nancy as the ‘leader of the pack’ of lies told by the Democratic Party,

He also added that; “I didn’t really want to hurt him, but you know, this was a suicide mission”, which of course, is a statement that points all indicators towards a gay tryst gone askew, rather than a deranged plan of action put in play by a man who is nuttier than a twenty-dollar pecan pie.

DePape is currently facing prison time for attempted homicide, assault with a deadly weapon, elder abuse, and burglary, as well as several federal charges, including one count of assault on an immediate family member of a U.S. official “with the intent to retaliate against the official on account of the performance of official duties,” according to a statement by the Department of justice, along with one count of attempted kidnapping of a federal official, which if combined with the other outstanding charge, could lead to a sentence of no less than five decades.

But feel free to overlook all that, as Spring has willfully done, because in his warped worldview, a horrific attack on an octogenarian who has no political influence save for being the husband of a politico that Spring despises, is irrelevant to the situation that he sees as opportune to score some non-points by disseminating a repulsive rumor, rather than expressing what should be disgust at the event itself.

Spring’s glee at doing so, based on nothing but his inherent lunacy and devotion to a personality cult, is in and of itself, not all that shocking, considering his well-documented false sense of Christianity, along with his seething hatred of those who don’t agree with him, but even I find myself stunned at just how easily he swallowed this Alt-Wrong manufactured bullspit, especially given the fact that most of his mouth is preoccupied with allegorically fellating Trump’s allegedly mediocre mushroom.

To be fair, while Spring’s devotion not to his mythical God, but to a mango-tinted man-child who would turn him into a Soylent Green souffle in a heartbeat if he needed a snack, is at this point rather well-established, this new aspect of personal sadism, concerning a man who has so many sticks up his ass, that he’s been designated a woodland refuge, was not quite the character growth I was expecting to see.

If I may, let, me punch just a few holes in Spring’s Gloat Boat, and then we can gauge just how well it will float, when the ballast of actual Reality is added to it. First, I’d point out that if Pelosi was “notorious’ for both frequenting gay bars and bringing home club-boys, as the meme claims, I can most certainly assure you that the GQP would have weaponized such intel years ago, and Trump would have unquestionably, been in the forefront of using such scandalous information to its fullest political advantage.

And yet… no witnesses have come forward to back up such claims. Not one for-hire rent-boy. Not one club employee, taxi driver, or supposed “neighbor” who observed such activity, either. In addition, there’s no photographs, no videos, be they personal or off a security-cam, and no further proof in the way that only emails, texts, or a record of curiously timed phone calls, would so easily provide.

As for the rest implying that Pelosi and DePape were in a “consensual sexual relationship”, I’d call attention to the fact that not only is there no evidence to bolster such an asinine assertion, but that DePape has a long [and well-documented] history of struggling with the dual demons of mental illness and drug abuse, and according to an ex-girlfriend, once harbored the delusion that he was Jesus, for almost a year.

But yes, it must be a case of a queer relationship gone wrong, versus an obvious occurrence of a mentally fragile man being influenced by the sheer madness of the Alt-Wring ideology, as his friends and family have repeatedly claimed to anyone who would listen. Unfortunately for them, as well as DePape and Pelosi, Spring is as deaf to their declarations, as he is to the siren-call of fact-based Logic.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present one James Ray Spring: Patriot. Native Oklahoman. Proud MAGAt. And as we’ve all just witnessed, one dumber than f**k whacked out conspiracy theorist. And let’s never forget, he’s also a devout self-declared Christian, to boot. I say “self-declared”, because there’s no way in allegorical Hell that this repulsively amalgamated shell of hubris and hate could ever make it past the Golden Gates without reproach.

However, Spring is not above extending the spiritual olive branch as it were, and every now and then, he’ll actually post something positive, if not inspirational:

At first glance, even I would say that I agree with this message, despite the repeatedly displayed cultural abhorrence of the one who delivered it. For after all, it would be nice to find that happy medium yet again where opposing views were met with the politeness of agreeing to disagree, rather than credible threats of violence, or having one’s’ mother compared to being a post-compensated landing strip for itinerant dockworkers.

Granted, such hostility is to be expected given the upheaval of what were once the social norms, but to be fair, it’s kind of difficult to accept the veracity of Spring’s meme, given all the inarguable evidence that his hypocrisy far outweighs his civility. Spring exists in a self-made world of fear, ignorance, and hate, and nothing will ever change that, because as a rule, his world is the only world he’s ever known, and as such, there’s no room or time for acts of transformative self-introspection.

Or so I thought:

Now, if I were a charitable person, I would ascribe this declaration as a measure of noble character growth, but as I’ve been swimming in Spring’s warped psyche for the last few months, I know that this is just another attempt to justify his humanistic and spiritual weaknesses.

is a bigot, a misogynist, a homophobe, a transphobe, a xenophobe, a flaming hypocrite, and an arrogant racist, and I can assure you that if God does indeed exist, Spring better make peace with the fact that he’s going to be spending eternity serving as the coat-check girl in the sixth circle of Hell.

Speaking of which, it seems that Spring is already well in touch with the insidious powers of the Dark, and despite being one of God’s self-declared stalwarts called up to battle the malevolent, decides to merge with them instead, issuing an unwarrn6ted slur aimed at the Trans community- you knew, just like Jesus would do:

Sigh… looks like ol’ Jimmy Ray here, forgot about the passage in the owner’s manual that he’s never read, that being Isaiah 45:7, which states that; “I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I THE LORD DO ALL THESE THINGS” Now, I’ve referenced Isaiah before, but it’s the message of John 4:20 that Spring should probably heed.

You know, when he’s done slandering those he despises, in the name of Christ?

For the uninitiated among you, John 4:20 succinctly covers the transgression that Spring is most guilty of, that the professing of love and devotion for the mythical Lord and his works, but in the reality of the public sphere, displaying nothing but contempt for his fellow man, woman, or Transperson.

From John 4:20: “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” Given all that, I ask you: does this meme posted by Spring, represent a devout Christian following the essence of the Word, or a mindless cultist, following the lead of a political movement long devoid of humanity, charity, tolerance, or common sense?

I’ll leave that assessment up to you:

However, if you find yourself wavering on the razor’s edge, take into your considerations that there’s also this warped presentation of God’s mercy and grace, delivered by a person who quite obviously, has never possessed either quality, and thinks that unbridled vengeance is the far better option for maintaining a civil society:

Let’s draw a comparison here, shall we? I am, and always have been, an ardent supporter of the death penalty, believing that its application should be solely reserved for only the worst of crimes and their perpetrators. And while I am also as equally behind carrying out said sentences far more quickly depending on the jurisdictional issues involved, I don’t take its use lightly, or flippantly.

However, given Spring’s almost sociopathic reaction in relation to women, gays, minorities, and the Trans community asserting their constitutional rights, I get the feeling that in Spring’s version of Utopia, such people would find themselves eliminated on the hour, for the supposed “sin” of daring to live their own lives contradictory to his archaic and asinine beliefs.

But this is not to say that down deep in the withered and blackened prune that substitutes fir his formerly working heart, there isn’t some sense of compassion still beaming. Sure, we haven’t seen Spring apply it to any of the people that Jesus tells him he should offer it to, but Spring knows best.

Of that, I’m unquestionably certain.

In fact, Spring does have a soft spot it seems, for the natural enemies of organized religion, that being the insidious cabal armed with Logic and Science known as Atheists, or as most religious groups tend to call them; “heathens”. Sane people on the other hand, tend to refer to them as … well, “sane people”, so how you view them I guess, all depends on just how you apply your personal perspective to the situation laid out before you.

And when it comes to dealing with those who don’t believe in what Spring believes, he’s more than mature enough to accept their point of view, while happily maintaining his own, despite their insistence on mocking his:

Wow. Who would have thought that Spring, an otherwise hypocritical false Christiaan, could actually possess the inherent ability to publicly declare that he has zero issues with those who are adamantly opposed to his faith’s insistence on jamming their sociopathic myth into every facet of our personal lives, regardless of our interest?

I mentioned the concept of character growth earlier, but this right here, my loyal Bitchiteers, is character growth on a colossal scale. In fact, I’m so Impressed, that I’m going to take back some of the things that I said, and… oh wait, what’s this? Spring has some further visual commentary regarding Atheism?  Well, I’m sure that if anything, it’s definitely going to change my opinion of the man, given his previously posted open-mindedness:

Sigh… or maybe not.

I tell you now, as I’ve told you before, that one day, and this hopefully very soon, I’m trading in my gut instinct for one that actually freaking works. But as usual, Spring has posted some asinine theorems, and as the Chosen Snark of All, it’s my duty to eviscerate them, in my stereotypically kind fashion, with sensitivity and the gentlest of wry humor.

In order of intellectual density: ”They” don’t go after Satanists Jimmy Ray, because (A) Satanists don’t believe that Satan is real, his name being chosen as a means to provoke a reaction from you guys, and unlike your movement comprised of cafeteria Christians, they don’t push their ideology into our schools, government, bedrooms and personal medical decisions.

And here’s a real kick in the pants Jimmy, Satanism’s rules of personal conduct, are far more self-responsible than yours, to boot, and are known in tandem, as The Seven Fundamental Tenets, and The.Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth.

The Seven as they stand: 
(1) One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.
(2) The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
(3) One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.
(4) The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one’s own.
(5) Beliefs should conform to one’s best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one’s beliefs.
(6) People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one’s best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.
(7) Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.

Conversely, the Eleven declare that you;
(!) Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
(2) Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
(3) When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
(4) If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
(5) Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.
(6) Do not take that which does not belong to you, unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.
(7) Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
(8) Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
(9) Do not harm little children.
(10) Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
(11) When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

Overall, and by comparison, both of these codes of self-responsibility, kick the living crap out of the celestially determined by “God” edicts that Spring acknowledges, but rarely if ever, follows. And within that particular set of ten underpinning his said faith, I’d note that there’s no less than TREE reminders on just how to properly kiss that deity’s allegorical ass, lest ye be sentenced to Hell for all eternity. To which, I’ll take a hard pass on both aspects, thank you very much.

Say what you will about Satanism, but at least their allegoric 7-11 doesn’t sell scapegoats.

Now, as to the commentary encapsulated within Spring’s second meme, I have yet to hear any high-level Atheist publicly claim that the Universe as we know it, was created by “Aliens”, or come across any atheistic source saying this is so, but to be fair, when someone believes that there’s a sky-daddy watching everything you do from his celestial home located above you in the clouds, it’s not like you can sit down and nave a rational discussion regarding their fantastical fallacies to begin with.

As an added bonus, Spring’s third meme is a beautiful example of his consistently unaware hypocrisy, wherein he calls out his supposed adversaries, for engaging in the very same activities that he regularly engages in himself, such as attacking those people and institutions that he doesn’t like. To note, the only time I’ve ever see an Atheist metaphorically “attack” someone, is when said person is trying to push their sociopathic myth into an arena that neither requires it, or more Importantly, demanded it in the first place

Nevertheless, when Spring finds a beat he likes, he sticks with it, even if the record he’s playing, is warped:

Once again, Spring’s unawareness of just how the world actually works, in regards to his faith not doing half as well, creates an inadvertent atmosphere of hilarious hypocrisy. When you believe in the “God” theorem as the seed of all Creation, you have no room mocking the one regarding the “Big Bang”, which unlike the celestial concept, left behind verifiable evidence in its defense.

Not to mention, the reason why the Bible outlaws the more unholy desires of Man, is for the sole purpose of controlling them, which shockingly, is more of a human construct, than one that could (or should) be ascribed to the otherworldly, instead. And as for the final meme, that purported exchange is as close to the schoolyard taunt of “I know you are but what am I?” that I have ever seen, as it’s been applied here, to the subject of all that which is holy.

And as an aside, while Lennox’s achievements serving as the Professor of Mathematics at Oxford University are impressive, he’s still a Christian apologist going up against the man who while he was still alive, made significant scientific discoveries concerning; the origins of the Universe, Time itself, the Big Bang Theory, gravitational and spacetime singularities, Black Hole radiation the theory of a universe without spacetime boundaries, and the strong probability of extraterrestrial life being actually existent.

But please John… ignore the contradictory nature of your Bronze-Age fairy-tale, and tell us more about your fantastical, mercurial, sociopathic sky-daddy- I’m sure that we can all benefit from hearing just why we have to live on our knees, satisfying his pointlessly cruel and selfish personal whims.

I’d also point out that science has definitive evidence, whereas Mythology, and by critical extension, it’s pathology of magical thinking, simply does not, so feel free to suck on that John, and suck it hard.

Now, as I do know how annoyingly distressing this fact can be to people who believe in a reanimated zombie and former carpenter as their savior, I’ll just ignore pointing out the inconsistencies in their for-display-only coffee table boasting book, and sometimes alternative beer coaster, and dive straight into my next dissertation, which this time, will concern itself with dissecting Spring’s unwarranted sense of self-righteousness:

To repeat a by-now-familiar refrain, I’ll address this density in order- no Jimmy Ray, Democrats do not “hate God, Family, and Country”, and even if we did, so what? For a guy who walks with the supposed most powerful being in the known Universe, you seem awfully threatened when his non-existence is directly pointed out to you.

As for the rest, you clueless dumbf**k, we also have families, both traditional and not-so-much, and we will happily continue to protect them from your racist, transphobic, misogynistic, homophobic policies crafted to destroy them, and as we live in this country still, we’re obviously okay with it as it exists. What we do “hate” however, is your party claiming to be the sole progenitor of ethical values, and displaying little to none, in regards to the issue that you claim to hold sacred.

Hershel Walker and his supposed stance on abortion and the social and cultural issue of African-American men abandoning their families as an allegorical litmus test, anyone? And let’s not forget your ostensibly endless fascination with being part of a personality cult that fetishizes death.  

Case in point: the meme stating directly, that “God” has the “right” to destroy us all at any point, “no questions asked.” Guess what, motherf**ker- I’ve got some serious questions to ask, and they ain’t gonna be respectful in either their tone or content, as any so-called “sin” placed upon me or others, is all his fault to begin with.

By this, I mean to say that if “God” knows everything [he’s omnipotent, remember] that is going to happen, then why in his name, would he endow his most favored creation with the Free Will that for a majority, would most certainly, engineer their spiritual downfall? That’s not the caring plan of an all-loving father, that’s the checklist of a f**king serial killer, intent on making a tuxedo from the skin of his next-door neighbors.

But the best part of this little meme fest, is the blatant hypocrisy of the third meme, listing all the sins that Spring supposedly abhors. And as a public service, I’m more than happy to go through them, one by one, and note just why Spring’s reproach of them is do goddamn disingenuous.

“It’s not an affair, it’s Adultery.:  And yet outwardly, Spring has zero issue with the multitudes of adulterous affairs committed by the brethren of his party, ranging from Marjorie Taylor Greene to Donald Trump himself, but maybe the reason he hasn’t addressed this hypocrisy on FB, is because he hasn’t discovered the right meme to do so, thus far.

“It’s not safe sex, it’s Fornication”: Spoken like a truly frustrated incel who had to get married, in order to play a round of Oklahoman Bajingo, without having to pay for it first. Now given this statement, this infers that Spring was a virgin when he got married, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but yet… I’ve never seen a post of his where he addresses young men about the sanctity of remaining a virgin until they’re legally betrothed, so I guess this message of chastity is for the women out there only… as always.

“It’s not gay love, it’s Sodomy.” I hate to be the one yet again who has to break new information to you Jimmy Ray, but there’s an awful lot of Christians out there who’ve willingly incorporated some seriously ”gay” practices into their private sex lives, so you just might want to back off this particular topic, whose minutiae it can be said, you seem far more interested in, than the people who are actually espousing it.

“It’s not veneration, it’s Idolatry”: Really, Jimmy Ray? Do tell:

For the sake of clarity, I have no idea what the original Golden Calf originally looked like, but I’d bet dollars to doughnuts, that this depiction of a false prophet sitting in a golden palace replete with the Whore of Babble-on at his side, is the closest we’ll ever get to witnessing a modern-day reboot.

Sadly however, this mango-tinted calf lacks the one quality that its predecessor had in buckets- the ability to be relegated to the scrap pile, once the people who adored it, realized their collective mistake in worshiping it.

“It’s not pro-choice, it’s Murder”: No, Jimmy. It’s not. And you would know this, if you on occasion, actually picked up a science book, rather than rely on the Bronze-Age one full of fairy-tales that doesn’t mention abortion even once within its pages. Which is somewhat odd, when given the fact that God randomly slaughters babies and other innocents by the truck-load, when the mercurial mood strikes him.

I’m not going to retread an argument that I’ve written about at length before, [Check out the AB “Archive” for further details] but I’m also not going to take any ethical guidance from a party who, when confronted with evidence from The Daily Beast that self-declared “Pro-Lifer” and GQP Candidate Herschel Walker having paid for multiple abortions, ignored his hypocrisy outright.

Well sort of, anyway.

Turns out, that ex-NRA soulless shill and fellow Conservative dissembler Dana Loesch, most definitely had an opinion regarding the controversy, asserting: “How many times have I said four very important words? These four words: Winning is a virtue, And, please keep in mind that I am concerned about one thing, and one thing only at this point. So, I don’t care if Herschel Walker paid to abort endangered baby eagles. I want control of the Senate.”

Continuing with her ducking of the actual issue at hand, Loesch cemented her disingenuous position of deflection by declaring: “If the Daily Beast story is true, you’re telling me Walker used his money to reportedly pay some skank for an abortion, and Sen. Raphael Warnock wants to use all of our moneys to pay a whole bunch of skanks for abortions, So, it doesn’t change anything for me!”

“Skanks”, Dana? Were you referring to the numerous women that your so-called family values candidate knocked up, and then abandoned as if they were the condoms that he should have used? Even more interestingly, I’ve noticed that the very same people who demanded that Colin Kapernick shut the f**k up and play football, nave yet to say the same to the brain-dead and disingenuous dumbf**k, that is Herschel Walker.

Nevertheless, I’m confident that’s just an oversight, and not a bigoted delineation of who’s being a good “boy” and who isn’t. I guess the status of endangered fetuses to the GQP is rendered unimportant, when the advantage of throwing them under their candidate’s campaign bus to aid in his political traction instead, becomes far more prevalent to their garnering of votes.

But if you could Jimmy Ray, please lecture us all about the evils of Abortion, as your party willingly abandons its supposedly sacred principles. I’m sure we could all learn a valuable lesson from doing so, that being the inarguable fact that your party’s metaphorical house of ethics, sits on the quickest of sand.

Moving on.

“It’s not alcoholism, it’s Drunkenness”: Once again, in reference to an inanity that you’ve posted, you self-righteous twunt: no, it’s not. It’s the inability to control drinking, due to both a physical and emotional dependence on alcohol. And in order to achieve its cessation, it requires a multi-level approach, involving physical detoxification, behavioral therapy, the possibility of being medicated, and yes, even a measure of understanding, which as a supposed “Christian”, you should possess in buckets, but seemingly don’t.

For as James 2:14-17 puts it; “What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him? If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.”

Nevertheless Jimmy Ray, I’m sure that Jesus still loves you anyway, because as we all know, he tends to play kind of fast and loose with that whole ”do unto others “ thing, so even though you’re willingly turning your back on those who need your help if not your compassion the most, I’m sure he’d be still down with you not offering either to those afflicted with a crippling addiction.

Sure, he might have once turned water into wine, but in all seriousness, he can’t expect you to take that arrogantly sanctimonious chunk of coal in your chest, and turn it back into a working heart, can he? But let’s take a deep look at that last part of secular smugness that Spring gifted us all with, that being the warning; “Do not trivialize your sin. It’s time to Repent.

And as the word “repent” is the only one capitalized, we know that Spring is truly serious about it. But what exactly, does that word really mean in a day and age where Logic and Reason should far outweigh the intellectually void of slavish devotion to a Bronze-Age ideology?

Well, for the uninitiated yet again, here’s the standardized definition: “To feel sorry, self-reproachful, or contrite for past conduct; regret or be conscience-stricken about a past action, attitude, etc. To feel such sorrow for sin or fault, as to be disposed to change one’s life for the better; be penitent.”

Hmm. Given that definition, I wonder if Spring will ever feel the need to repent for his bigoted stance concerning the civil rights of African-Americans, or his homo / transphobia regarding the LGBTQ Community at large, and let us not forget, the amazing amount of dedication he’s shown to steadfastly remaining a knuckle-dragging misogynist, along with his being a religious hypocrite, as well.

To loosely paraphrase a statement by the late Frank Zappa, despite the sanctimonious shrillness of Spring’s assertions and/or threats that us nonbelievers are the ones to be certainly facing an eternity in the fiery pit where the fallen angels with the horns and the pointy fork-sticks do their business, it’s actually the self-declared faux Christians who are the most at risk of becoming a personal sex-and-chew-toy for the Lord High Satan himself.   

This might be the appropriate time for me to address the reality that the assigning of something as being either Good or Evil, comes down to the duality of how one applies their perspective and personal power to the situation at hand, for as it is noted in Romans 10:3;For they being ignorant of God’s righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God.

In essence, God is saying; “That’s my awesomeness you’re supposed to be bragging about, not your own”, so by Spring abusing the cover of his faith to justify demonizing those unknown to him, he openly violates the edict of Romans 10:3 without question.

So, if there truly is a Hell, Jimmy Ray, its fires await you and your faux proselyting ilk- not us.

While somewhat caustically harsh, I’ll stand behind this opinion of mine with a bucket of my own blood, for one simple reason, and it is this- hypocrisy in the eyes of the mythical God, is one of the biggest sins of all, and Spring is one of its biggest fomenters, if not a supreme collector of such.

Label my cynicism as arrogant, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if and when, the End Times finally arrive, and blares its clarion call, Spring is going to drop to his knees faster than a Catholic priest at a Boy Scout Jamboree, desperately attempting to stave off that which most certainly, has just been waiting in store for him.  

Karma may be a bitch as the saying goes, but trust me, it’s got nothing on a pissed-off Savior who’s been watching the Word he gifted to his favorite Creations, getting perverted by the very same, as if it were a busload of pre-teens visiting Jeffery Epstein’s house, and just itching to settle his allegorical hash with one of its worst offenders.

I once suggested that Spring stock up on an eternal supply of Aloe Vera for where he was going to be spending his afterlife, but now I’m thinking he should invest in some good-quality BBQ sauce as well, because once he gets there, the Devil is going to be spending all of his free time roasting his duplicitous ass.

Unsurprisingly, if you asked Spring about my premonitions of predictive purgatory, I’m quite certain that he would strongly and definitively disagree. After all, as a self-declared Christian, Spring is more than capable of deciding unlike my firmly rooted in atheism self, just which celestial edicts he’ll follow, and which he’ll choose to just ignore outright.

And disingenuousness be [literally] damned, for regardless of whatever evidence exists, (which he’s usually provided) Spring’s still going to claim the moral high ground, despite his obviously operating from within the bowels of its sewer.

For instance, while Jesus openly and willingly, hung out with social outcasts, such as lepers and prostitutes, I’m confident that if Spring ever found himself sharing an elevator with a Transgender African-American Atheist for 35 seconds, the flop-sweat running off of him as the result for having to do so, would lead to an almost-fatal case of dehydration.

This is not to say however, that even while wading waist-deep in the merde of his own making, Spring isn’t thoughtful enough to share the experience with the rest of us:

This time around, we open up with a meme that graphically shows the epitome of Mankind devolving from free-thinking and logical creatures, into willingly obedient slaves, bowing, scraping, and mewling, at the feet and bequest of a mercurial sociopath, who promises much, but only if certain conditions bordering on the damn near nigh impossible, are met.

The irony of images such as the one displayed, however, lies in the fact that as God’s children, we’re tasked with the endeavor to be sincerely contrite, if not publicly humble, and yet, when the majority of modern-day Christians are observed under the microscope of America’s culture, they’re typically the most arrogantly condemnatory and prideful people you’ve ever met, as attested to by meme number two.

To note, the “End Times” have been predicted by the innumerable score as either forthcoming, or being already well in play, since the early 15th Century, and as of yet, not one of these foretold dates, has been on the money.

I find this circumstance odd, given all the “proof’ that these dimwitted doomsayers claim to have gleaned from unimpeachable sources, ranging from the Bible [naturally] to assumed celestial omens, such as Nickelback being allowed ongoing radio airplay, but as indicated thus far, the End Times are apparently taking their sweet-ass-time getting here, despite all the Evangelical assertions to the latter.

To be quite honest, I’m starting to think that the End Times are nothing more than an elaborate Ponzi scheme, established to create an ever-perpetual climate of fear, as a means to not only separate the gullible from their money, but their mental autonomy as well. This in turn, equally assures both an income stream, as well as an inherent ability to maintain societal control to boot, by those select few who control the machinations of such, hiding in the dark, deep behind the scenes.

But maybe that’s just my properly functioning sense of logic talking, as it tends to do that, when it’s faced with illogically unchecked paranoid fantasies disseminated by wannabe false prophets.

And in a twist that’s far funnier than anything I could ever write, I appreciate the warning from Spring that if we don’t repent to God concerning the original “sin” that he placed upon us knowingly, we’re going to suffer terrible torments at the hands of…  you guessed it, the same sociopath who burdened us with it in the first place.

So… one stop shopping, I guess? Talk about convenience.

Speaking of which, I for one, have no idea, nor does anybody else for that matter, know with any form of certainty, exactly what happens when we die. All we as a species have to answer this eternal query, are the most random assortment of philosophies, concerns, and unwarranted hopes, generally based within our collective experiences or what we were taught during our formative years.

Personally, I’ve always ascribed to the scientific theorem of “That which is made cannot be unmade”, but this in and of itself, is somewhat of an abstract thought, at best. Due to that theoretical aspect, I’d refer back to my “unmade” commentary.

Now, for sanity’s sake, I won’t open up the discussion regarding the weight of a soul. as so brilliantly depicted within the sci-fi classic novel “On a Pale Horse” by Piers Anthony, but I do like that its story wryly espouses that a person’s belief, influences the fate of one’s immortal soul. The lone exception of course, being atheists, who seemingly refuse to exist after death.


If I were to expound upon his concept, I’d repeat the words once written by the British philosophical writer James Allen, who said: “Man is made and unmade by himself. In the armory of thought he forges the weapons which will destroy him. He also creates the tools with which he will build for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peach. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and their master.”

In my overview, I can only take these words to infer that as it is staged in “On a Pale Horse”, it is Man alone who places himself respectively in his allegorical Hell or Heaven, as his / her belief influences one’s immortal fate, and not an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-fictional “God” who does so.

Somewhat simplistic, I know, but that’s how I regard it.

An avowed atheist will tell you that we stop existing after death, as I noted previously, but as for myself, a person who has no sense of Faith whatsoever, I still reserve a doubt or two, although they’re not based within the sphere of religious conviction, but more along the lines that if it comes down to the determination of who is far more worthy of respect, me or the deity I regard as wholly mythical, I’ll be the one laying down the judgement, versus the other way around.

So, no Jimmy Ray- there will be no need to “repent” on my part, because so far as I’m concerned, I don’t owe your mercurially maniacal God jackspit. However, in contrast, you might want to invest in a good set of knee-pads, because if you actually do place any serious stock in that mumbo-jumbo you spew, you’re going to be on them for quite some time paying for your sins, long before I ever have to atone for any of my theoretical ones.

This opinion, based on my long-held theorem that if there is a God, he’s either keenly complicit in underpinning the Evil that exists in the world, or powerless to affect it, and regardless of which status it is that he occupies, be it right or wrong he’s irrelevant to any moral decision that I alone, decide to make.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the concept of an eternal resort where serenity is key, and relaxation comes easily, but it sounds boring as frak. Not to mention, the choral music, the holier-than-all atmosphere, and the on the hour affirmation speeches that you just know will be blaring out of the patriarchal PA system, would just suck, after a while

And to be honest, if I were given the choice between eternally attending this kind of party…

…or hanging out at this full-blown rager that’s clearly ringing off the proverbial hook;

I guess daddy here, will be doing the Electric Slide in between stints of chatting up all the single demonesses, as he rides half-naked on the back of whatever the f**k this thing is:

Granted, the underappreciated entertainment value of watching Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, and whomever penned the “It’s a Small World” song, serve out their celestially-imposed sentences inside the Universe’s largest Hibachi grill, would be amazing, but I’m also cognizant that Heaven doesn’t want me, and the leadership of Hell is genuinely afraid I’d take over and immediately start screwing with the status quo.

Three simple words, boys and girls: Central. Air. Conditioning.

I will admit however, begrudgingly as it may be, that my particular take on all of this is not going to present itself as everybody’s cup of allegoric tea or Kombucha, for some of you weirder ones out there, and that’s just fine. Variety is the spice of life, after all, so I guess it can (and should) be applied to any discussions of our After-one as well.

But therein lies the key difference between nonbelievers such as myself, and self-declared ones such as Spring- we can handle the discussion, while they and he, as a rule of thumb, refuse to brook the merest attempt at doing so. Take for instance, the context of the last meme, where Spring claims that an errant beam of light constitutes definitive “proof” of a pathway to what I and many others, regard as a wholly mythical Heaven.

If I am understanding pre-ordained Dogma correctly, God, who claims to work in mysterious ways, [see Luke 24:16] and suggests in Matthew 25:13 that we collectively should: “Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh”, just decided to say “screw it”, and provide inarguably definitive proof as to his very existence, via an alleged fatal collieries, rather than any other form of communication available?

Let me explain my cynicism (past the obvious) this way: on April 27, 1986, a disgruntled electrical engineer named John R. MacDougall, [AKA; “Captain Midnight”] successfully hijacked the HBO broadcast signal being transmitted via the Galaxy 1 Satellite, for a time-span of four and a half minutes, during which period, a bizarre video featuring 80’s POP culture icon Max Headroom was aired in lieu of the film “The Falcon and the Snowman” that had been currently in progress before the interruption occurred:

And yet, despite nearly 7.3M viewers seeing a hack achieved using technology that would charitably be considered near-primitive now, the best that the omnipotent Father of All can muster, is a low-quality cellphone photo? Keep in mind, this weak-ass effort arrives courtesy of the same supposed deity who not only granted Moses the power to part the Red Sea, but whom also allegedly created the Universe entire in under a week, as well.

Man, how the mighty have fallen. Or at the very least, the quality of their product line.

No wonder the defiant angels, Adam and Eve, the platypus, original sin, fathering a son through non-consensual sex with a betrothed teenager in open violation of his own edict in Deuteronomy 22:25, his deciding to purposefully ignore the chosen people’s bondage as slaves, and losing his sh*t over the Tower of Babel, while seemingly not being bothered by Burj Khalifa whatsoever, were rightfully considered as PR disasters, what with such a scatterbrain behind the metaphysical steering wheel.

Given that track record, I guess we all should be grateful that the so-called Creator wasn’t inspired by the future examples of Pablo Picasso, and decided to put both of our eyes on the same side of our head.

But who knows? Even with science, logic, and proven reality seemingly on my side, there could still be a valid reason as to why the God I’ve deemed as purely mythical, might decide to eschew modern-day communication methods, in favor of the seminal classics he’s always been known for.

Once a hit, always a hit, says I, and who am I to judge what the best process is for certifying the celestial? Other than the aforementioned science, logic, and proven reality, that is.

Depending on who you ask, God “speaks” to humans in a variety of ways. Those [primarily] being through the Scripture, via the conduit of our personal difficulties, which has always seemed like a d**k move to me, through his chosen prophets imbued with the Holy Spirit, and lastly, through his numerous acts of Creation.

If one takes these into account, along with the example of the Burning Bush, it then makes sense as to why God doesn’t unitize Tik-Tok, or the reach of a blast e-mail. And if you’re truly a devoted follower of Christ, it’s a methodology that you’ve come to expect, if not rely on.

Regular readers of my screeds may recall how past Artbitch subject Ruth Darlene Seawolf once claimed that God sent her a personal message, and she posted her proof that He did so, if you believe in that sort of thing, using the most logical delivery stem available

… that being a Walmart receipt of course, just as the Prophecy foretold.

So, as it stands, it makes some form of limited sense that Spring, the self-declared Christian who is allegedly blessed with the same scientific intellect that nature bestowed upon a grouping of drunken Pet Rocks, would see a beam of light, reasonably assume that it’s God’s escalator for the newly departed, and not question it at all, because… um, why not?

Oh, that’s right- because of science, logic, and proven reality, that’s why. Unfortunately for both Spring and myself, neither one of us can prove the other 100% wrong, as Spring is intractable in concern to his cherry-picked belief system, and I of course, exist in Reality, a land that Spring willingly self-exiled himself from, quite some time ago.

This assessment brings to mind a further observation penned by the previously mentioned British philosophical writer James Allen, who in his seminal work “As a Man Thinketh”, correctly noted the following: ”A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.”

Now to be brutally frank, I have no idea what seeds have been cultivated into maturity within the confines of Spring’s allegoric garden, but I’m more than willing to suggest that Lyutsifer Safin would feel right at home sitting among their offspring. For those of you who have no idea what I’m referring to, I’d suggest you go watch the last James Bond film entitled “No Time to Die”, and then come back to revel in the brilliant presentation of that joke, which once written, stays in the act forever:

Getting back on track, if Spring’s metaphorical garden does indeed exist, I’d have to believe given all the empirical evidence to be found, that it’s quite openly hostile to not only the seeds of change, but the forward-thinking gardeners who wish to plant them as well.

Spring, like most self-declared American Conservative Christians these days, sees enemies running amuck simply everywhere, irrespective of veracity or the sanity of such an idea, and I for one, cannot imagine living in a world where my being asked to comport myself as a functioning and empathetic human, would be regarded as nothing less than a personal threat.

Here’s the deal: if I disagree with something, whether that be a person’s political views, a corporation’s ethical stance, any form of disreputable entertainment, or a social movement that offends my sensibilities, I do this absolutely crazy thing where I either ignore it, mock it, as I’m currently doing with Spring’s absurdity here, or I go one step further, and make sure that my money doesn’t go to bolster it’s what I may feel is a vile agenda.

Hence the reason why I avoid Chick-fil-A like the goddamn metaphorical plague.

It’s an approach that I would advocate that Spring tries out at least once, whenever he gets done hurling slanderous invectives from inside his ivory bubble, of course. I don’t believe in “cancel culture” per se, because I tend to think that its brunt is being abused to the point of criminality by both sides fighting their supposed cultural war, but I am a big fan of calling Truth to Power, and in my humble opinion, Spring’s attacks on women, non-Christians, and the LGBTQ Community in general, are so not that.

Nevertheless, he does have the constitutional right to issue them, ignorantly abhorrent as they are, for if the First amendment can protect an alleged hatefully racist, misogynistic, homophobic, politically-retarded cultist moron such as Spring most certainly appears to be, you can only imagine what it can do in the mouth of someone who unlike Spring, isn’t a waste of otherwise useful skin and internal organs.

So, if Spring is seemingly incapable of bettering himself through and unwanted and continuous exposure to logic and humanity, two aspects that he fights against as if it were I battling the corporate catchiness of Nickelback’s “Burn It to the Ground” scorcher of a song, how can I in my simple guise as a societal Snark, rectify the situation at hand?

In a word or two, I simply can’t. It’s impossible to shame a person who has no inherent sense of it, and it’s damn near nigh a miracle, to pierce the arrogant confidence of anyone who has erroneously self-determined that they alone, hold the answers to all that they judgmentally survey.

And when that same said person earnestly believes that God is not only on their side, but is the incontestable source of justified inspiration for their nauseating nattering? Well, mythical God help us all then, because when that purposeful inanity is then amalgamated with the insidiousness of political partisanship, the sky is the limit as to what cultural damage a dedicated cabal of uniformed zealots can do:

As someone who has actually seen this movie, all I can say is this- God may hot have been dead when it premiered, but it sure as hell didn’t drive up the sales of his autobiography, either. On the upside, the film did star conservative TV has-been Kevin Sorbo, so for a few weeks at least, he wasn’t on Twitter reminding us all just why the plastic sword he once wielded on Hercules, was considered by many to be the far better actor twixt the two.

However, this is where we as Americans, currently find ourselves- culturally and politically disconnected, over-sensitive, over-reactive, increasingly paranoid, and potentially violent, given the right situation and/or triggering event. Spring and the others of his ilk just like him, are merely the visible symptoms of a cancer that’s been propagating within our political system since the early 80’s, and which has finally seized its birthright from within the ugly maw that houses American politics.

At the time of this writing, I’m 53 years old, living in a quiet slice of New Mexico, and I can honestly say that in all the time that I have been traversing this giant-ass ball of granite and coagulated space-dust, I have never once been witness to the dogmatic madness that thanks to the rise of fascist Trumpism, is seemingly infesting all that this country once held sacred.

Back in the days of my youth, the Riders of Reagan could be intense in their dedication to the Gipper, but holy Jesus f**k on a cracker, they weren’t anything as malevolently virulent as the Cult of 45 have proven themselves to be. Due in large part to the Alt-Wrong’s continuing campaign of what should be openly considered low-grade domestic terrorism, nothing is safe from the collective insanity that they disseminate as freely as they breathe.

And terrifyingly, there seems to be no end in sight in concern to it.

Look, I’m just a guy who writes- I don’t have all the answers, although sometimes, I’d like oi think that I do. If anything, I’m exceptionally good at seeing the cracks in the metaphorical armor, and devising the most efficient way to seal them shut. But as an observer of the sphere containing what’s currently going on, I’m genuinely flummoxed.

As a nation, we’re not dealing with an outside enemy– the call as it were, is literally coming from inside the house, and the bad guy could be anybody residing within its walls. And as it is such, the solution to restoring some form of natural balance, will require nothing less I’m afraid, than the application of forcefully direct sheer draconianism, as a consequence for the actions of those that deserve its brunt.

To be clear, I’m not suggesting we implement the fascistic approach that Trumpanzees are jonesing to incorporate into the very fabric of America itself, but I am saying that for the abominable horde walking relatively unchecked among us, it’s way past tine for them to pay the piper in penance for what they’ve willingly been a complicit component of, for over half a decade.

While the Constitution does guarantee you the inherent right to be dumber than f**k, it in no way, shape, or form, allows you the altitude of abusing the privilege to the point where it directly harms or endangers others, and it’s high time we endeavor to reweave that reality back into the fabric of our nation’s political system, if only for the betterment of our incredibly damaged civil discourse.

The first step (I feel) in my ever so humble opinion, is that we need to start exorcising the mental murkiness that is so consistently omnipresent within the lands of social media, which not only gives oxygen to all that I’ve presented visually thus far, but which also fuels the Alt-Wrong’s pervasive feeling of targeted persecution, as well:

Um, Genius? No, it’s not. First, Free Speech protection does NOT apply to private companies, especially given that when you willingly signed up for their service, you did so, with the full knowledge that there was a clearly defined Code of Conduct you were expected to follow, and that, without exception. That fact that you get “jailed” for your commentary, only proves that you’re either an idiot, or more likely, an irrelevant demagogue, but then again, I repeat myself.

Or, as is my forte, present yet another example to back up my avowal:

For contextual background, this now D-list actor made his offensively dense comment on the Jimmy Kimmel show, in relation to being asked a question regarding his attendance at Trump’s inauguration in 2016, saying that; “You’ve got to be careful around here. You’re going to get beat up if you don’t believe what everybody believes. This is like 30s Germany,”

A comparison that other than being mindbogglingly stupid, also perfectly illustrates why Allen’s career was centered on playing a caricature of himself on TV for nine seasons as the star of “Last Man Standing” whose premise was thus:

“Mike Baxter is a happily married father of three daughters who finds himself the odd man out as he tries to maintain his manliness in a home surrounded by women. Mike tries to escape all the female drama at home in the warm, manly embrace of his job at the Outdoor Man store, a sporting goods emporium where he is marketing director. He also revels in his Outdoor Man vlog, which he uses as a pulpit for his opinions, which often have nothing to do with the store’s merchandise. When he’s supposed to be selling mountain bikes or kayaks, he somehow ends up spouting off about the environment, health care, international politics or any other topic occupying his mind.”

Damn. If that doesn’t scream “Comedy Gold”, I don’t know what does. As you’d expect, given its vile idiocy regarding women, societal issues, and politics, the show such as it was, played well with the type of people that finds Tucker Carlson smart, and Tim Allen still culturally relevant.

To be fair, I did attempt to watch this streaming sludge on a handful of occasions, but had to relent doing so, when it became obvious that if I truly wanted to laugh at a conservative making a jackass of himself on my TV and couldn’t find the far superior “All in the Family” playing somewhere, all I need do, was tune in to whatever late-night show was desperate enough to book Allen as a guest.

And if you have any doubts about my take, here’s a critique of the series, courtesy of the right-wing journal, the Imaginative Conservative: “Finally, we have a hero who hunts, fishes, watches sports, and occasionally drives a tank.”

Feel free to make up your own jokes here, because as I was attempting to do so, I had to keep in mind that Allen also once opined in 2013 that he should be allowed to use the “n-word”, stating that. “If I have no intent, if I show no intent, if I clearly am not a racist, then how can ‘n****r’ be bad coming out of my mouth?

Concerning this clueless query, I have, (as many of you must) more than a few opinions as to just “why” uttering such an abominable slur is, as Allen put it; “bad”, but I see no reason to issue them, as its sadly obvious that one of the cherished icons of my youth, AKA; “Buzz Lightyear”, was voiced by a repulsive caricature of my grandfather, and that in and of itself, just kills me.

On the upside though, my grandfather was never the unwilling subject of a photo like this:

The circumstantial framework: In October of 1978, October 2nd, to be exact-Tim Allen was arrested in the Kalamazoo/Battle Creek International Airport, after being caught with 650 grams, which is roughly, 1.4 pounds of cocaine.

At the time, Allen faced a life sentence for the 42K payout he had been expecting, but since he opted to provide the names of other dealers in exchange for a far less repressive verdict, it allowed him the opportune advantage of being sentenced in a federal court rather than a state court, which in essence, nullified the life sentence he would have faced, resulting in his ultimately only serving two years and four months instead, for his crime.

However, Allen’s bid to gain his freedom, lead to the successful indictment of no less than twenty people involved with the drug trade in Michigan, as well as the conviction of four major drug dealers to boot, none of whom I would suspect, ever went on to become fans of his comedic success. But let’s not forget, this former drug trafficker and spinelessly self-serving snitch, is going to lecture us all, on what’s wrong with society in general.

However, given Spring’s previously stated annoyance at Tim Allen not being cast as the primary voice talent in the “Lightyear” movie, I’m sure he’d be first in line to buy a ticket for any Toy Story reboot, that granted Allen the pleasure of tweaking its established character development, in order to bring it into accordance with his currently asinine political POV:

If not apparent to all who are reading this, I’m clearly making a blatantly absurd observation, but the only thing keeping my tasteless joke from becoming a concreted reality in the future, is our collective ability to cauterize the illness of conservatism, at its key source.

Fortunately for us as a whole, when it comes to “celebrity” representations of its party and the dissemination of its opinions, the best that the Alt-Wrong can ever muster up, are those of indisputable wash-ups. I mean, does the AW truly think that any significant cultural influence will ever be imparted by the likes of Kristy Swanson, Chuck Woolery, Stacey Dash, Antonio Sabato Jr, Randy Quaid, Kevin Sorbo, Jon Voight, Roseanne Barr, Scott Baio, Dean Cain, Kirstie Alley, Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, and as proposed, Tim Allen?

The only thing that these D-listers have to offer a society that they so openly despise, and the lowest of IQ-bereft MAGAt morons who listen to them, is the inadvertent lesson of what can happen when a person of exceedingly limited talent, believes their agent’s hype that they’re an irreplaceable icon.

For most of us actually functioning humans, if our personal ideology was being constantly mocked, disregarded, or questioned, there would come a point where we would be forced, whether we liked it or not, to engage in a moment of in-depth self-reflection and reassess what we really believe. But Conservatives, for all intents and purposes, are seemingly immune to this most rational aspect of the human condition.

Allen is no victim, and neither is the inexorable political movement that he (and Spring) so willingly support, because for a guy who cries foul on every media platform whose usage has never been denied him, concerning a right that he already possesses, and applies as easily as he whines, the irony of his party’s attempts to shut it down for the ones that they so passionately disagree with, is still quite the stunner.

And as we’ve all seen from Spring’s ever-increasing pile of publicly posted hypocrisy, when the Alt-Wrong gets called out for such disingenuousness, they employ one of three well-worn gambits: they either double down on their falsehoods, project or deflect their own fallacious foibles as their “evidence”, or imply that definitive threats are in the mode of current formulation, be they physical, or allegoric.

And apparently, picking an appropriate photo to succinctly illustrate the topic at hand, is also seemingly difficult, unless the descriptive of “Red November”, is to assist in the pre-setting for the moment of the fashionable perp walk that Trump will hopefully be forced to do, when the numerous indictments and lawsuits currently raining down upon him, turn into multiple convictions, financial losses, and the annihilation of his public persona:

Once again, the backstory as it is known: After a surprise FBI raid on the Mar-a-Lago resort owned by ex-American president Donald J. Trump, produced a trove of classified documents, allegedly taken by same said twice-impeached, thrice-married, and forever-disgraced, mango man-child, John Rich, a country music singer and self-described humanitarian, found himself incensed beyond the pale.

In response to this perfectly justified action, Rich tweeted out the following jackassery:

Correct me if I’m wrong here, but if the FBI raided my 14K-gilded cesspool that masquerades as my home, and found enough incriminating evidence to solidly allege that I broke no less than three federal laws relating to the Espionage Act of 1912, [Specifically;18 USC 793, 2071 and 1519] I don’t think I’d appreciate a mildly threatening “Thank-you” note from one of my most vocal supporters being addressed to them on my unasked-for-behalf, as a rule.

I get that you think that you’re helping out your treasonous toddler, Johnny-boy, but trust me- you’re really not, for if anything, the FBI tends to lack a definable sense of humor, when it comes to the concern of transparently veiled threats.

First, the only thing that’s being poured on your so-called “Freedom Fire” is the ice-cold dousing water of Reality, which in the end, is only going to result in your cravenly cult leader shivering alone in a prison cell, and second, only 74M people voted for Trump, so I have no idea where you found those additional 7M, unless you’re counting all the extras he had to hire, in order to populate the supposedly diverse background and PR prop, located just behind his rally podium.

Second, if the intellectual capacity of said 74M has been measured correctly, and given the empirical data, I can only believe that it has, then it seems to be that the case can be made that the majority of them could be quite easily distracted from their task, be it voting or attempting an insurrection, by either waving a particularly shiny set of keys in their faces, or informing them that an African-American was openly doing White people stuff without prior permission.

But Rich’s “Proud to Be a Dimwitted Deplorable” shtick, was just warming up:

Good questions all, or they would be, if Rich’s assessment wasn’t being given from a position of asinine absurdity, that is. Shockingly, these who are known for routinely singing about American values, generally tend to understand the difference between being a patriot in regards to a country, versus being a pawn in regards to a cravenly c**t, such as Rich seemingly is.

And as for his comment that; “The country music industry is out of touch with the audience”, maybe it’s not so much that, as their audience being out of touch with both reality and their formerly cherished set of integral values. Because its fairly obvious that Rich sure the hell is.

Sigh… I’m not entirely sure where Rich learned American History, but I get the feeling that most of his fellow students in said class, took a short bus to get there. Aside from the bumper sticker dogma displayed throughout it, Rich’s narrative is also rife with a lack of context, to boot.

As is expected, the glorification of combat and the canonization of its practitioners, is at the forefront, without any construct of just why America was involved in the skirmish to begin with- that being, we were fighting an enemy that shared more in common with Rich’s ideology, than any facet of the one he attempts to impugn with his lack of credible intellectualism.

To note, there was no way in hell that Japan would ever have been able to conquer America on its own, and the only way Germany might have had a chance, is if they had managed to develop their nuclear weapon capability before we so fortunately (?) did. And Rich’s deliberate side-step of the fact that America was fighting to maintain its status a country that was for the primary benefit of White males only at the time, is a nice touch as well.

“Fierce Patriotism” didn’t win the war- superior weapon development, established American infrastructure, rugged doggedness, and the ability to make the other guy die for his country rather than his making us doing the same, is what carried it over the lune in the end.

And may I point out the clueless hypocrisy of a man who has never served, drawing parallels between esteemed military commanders, and America’s resident wannabe Mussolini, who praised dictators, saluted enemy generals, lauded NAZI’s as “fine people”, paid his way out of serving during the era of the Draft, and while incompetently serving as our Commander in Chief, regularly slandered our military, mocked our POW’s, as well as insulting a war widow and a Gold Star family.

Topping all of that abominable behavior off, Rich’s mango-man-crush, after leaving the office in disgrace then allegedly stole classified documents, several of which it can be assumed after they were discovered to be missing, found their way into the hands of whomever was willing to pay top dollar for them. But please, Johnny-boy, lecture us all some more on the topic of “leadership”, if you would be so kind.

Regarding Rich’s comment about how we’d all “be speaking German”, if not for the intervention of documented xenophobes, it would probably pain him to know that pre-WW2, the most commonly spoken formal language in America was… wait for it… GERMAN, so I can only guess that better late than never, was the primary theorem of the day.

But given the fact that Spanish is now the language that holds that title, I can only assume that Rich’s flawed sense of jingoism must be working overtime on plans to justifiably invade Mexico, if only to stop the spread of its influence upon the culture in whose defense, he’s more than willing to light a few Freedom Fires for.

Most likely at 3AM. On only the best of selectively chosen front lawns, I’m sure. Say what you will about Spring, (and I hope you will) but he definitely knows how to dredge only the finest of role models from the allegoric bottom of the barrel, does he not?

To list, there’s his fascist mango-man-crush, a gaggle of washed-up celebutards, a few disingenuous politicos, and the ultimate model on which all sociopaths are based, the ever-so-mythical “God” whose teachings Spring references, but never follows, even as he misinterprets them for his own advantage, and not God’s, as it has been commanded for him to do so.

Adding to Spring’s deplorable tabulation of the non-accomplished, the non-existent, and the non-credible, is the Alt-Wrong’s newest poster-boy of the moment, Elon Musk- an assumed intellectual thief, a confirmed industrialist billionaire, a possibly in the very near future fictionalized Bond villain, and the nest example to use for effectively settling the ongoing debate as to whether or not, abortion needs to be made far more accessible.

Musk, whose relatively recent acquisition of social media platform Twitter, helped to show exactly just where all the racists in your family who weren’t invited to Thanksgiving dinner, were hanging out instead, is considered quite the firebrand these days, despite having skin thinner than that of an onion, and the interpersonal skills of an intellectually-challenged turnip.

Lest ye forgot, let me just remind you of that moment when Musk, who’s personal wealth is estimated to be over 300B, once promised (ironically via a “tweet”) to use his vast financial resources, to aid in ending world hunger, but only if he were presented with a cohesive plan to do so:

In response to Musk’s generous offer, David Beasley, the UN food program director, tweeted a link to a 1,000-word “executive summary.” doing just that, per Musk’s reasonable request:
It laid out in detail, just how the UN could and would, utilize an allocation of $6.6B to assist in the feeding of more than 40M people across a span of 43 countries, a majority of whom, are currently on “the brink of famine”, according to the data provided by Beasley.

Musk then requested the publishing of WFP’s current and proposed spending in detail, a resource of information spanning ten years, that was already openly accessible on WFP’s website, so that the general public could see exactly where the money would go. Musk for his part, has not as of yet, replied to Beasley’s tweet about WFP’s financial statements, nor has he responded in concern to said plan, either.

Instead, Musk ever the noble humanitarian, decided to spend nearly 8X as much buying Twitter, for reasons that I’m sure had nothing to do with the fact that after reneging on his promise to help the world entire, the users of said platform, lit him up like a Christmas tree with their well-deserved targeted mockery.

Interestingly, it was reported that Musk in February of 2022, donated 5M shares of Tesla Inc stock. [worth 5.7B] in late 2021, although at this time, no charity (or WFP for that matter) has come publicly forward claiming to be the recipient of such a generous gift. Before we give Musk any credit though, I’d also note that within the same time period of said bestowment, he also sold off 16B worth of Tesla stock as well, thereby leading to an alleged 4.6B tax break.

But as it always is with the self-declared saviors of Mankind, Musk sees that which is obvious to the rest of us, somewhat quite differently. Despite the PR blow-back for his cravenly act of reneging on his promise to help WFP, Musk tweeted his claim that his sole purpose for buying Twitter was not, as some had surmised; “to make more money. I did it to try to help humanity, whom I love“.

Unless of course, that “love” demands any form of pre-promised financial assistance that could actually provide it with the food it so desperately needs to survive. He added to his declaration by adding in that; Twitter must be “warm and welcoming for all”, [like a full stomach, perhaps?] and that all he truly wanted, was for “civilization to have a common digital town square“, as well.

Never mind the fact that Musk, who is attempting to rebrand himself as civil discourse’s last great hope, once personally canceled an order for a custom TESLA, after its originator, a blogger and venture capitalist named Stewart Alsop, wrote an open letter to Musk disparaging what he thought was a badly run presentation event featuring the Tesla Motors Model X.

Yup…Musk just wants all of us to get along in the new online Utopia he’s currently in the middle of reshaping, hence the reason why he immediately gutted Twitter’s moderation team, which even on the best of its collective days, was barely holding the skein of decorum together.

Despite this glaring hypocrisy, Conservatives as to be expected, cheered Musk’s purchase of Twitter as nothing less than a flawless victory for the protection of Free Speech, and continue to do so, despite the fact that private corporations are in no way, legally bound to the concept of such. A reality that you would think that such staunch defenders of the Constitution would already know and respect, but here we find ourselves, nonetheless.

And even though at the time of this writing, Mush has single-handedly decimated its workforce, lost half its advertisers, and managed to allow an influx of hate speech at a rate not seen since Trump initially weaponized it, to serve as his version of the NAZI’s *RVMP, Musk’s takeover is shockingly (?) becoming widely regarded as being, even at its best, an essentially Pyrrhic accomplishment.
*[Reichsministerium für Volksaufklärung und Propaganda]

Musk’s ever-escalating fall from grace, due in large part to his childish aggrandizement of petty feuds with those who validly criticize Musk’s exceedingly schizophrenic so-called management style, has only widened the chasm of mistrust between him and Twitter’s once rock-solid base of high-profile accounts as well, a shift in site-drawing-power demographics, that he quite literally, can’t afford to lose.

Whereas Spring and the others of his ignorant ilk are concerned though, such detriments are perfectly acceptable, because in their warped worldview, Musk is their stalwart conquistador of the Conservative movement, and as we’ve seen from their incessant gushing online, they also believe that he is singlehandedly, if not doggedly, eradicating all that is “woke” from Twitter.

But what, pray tell, is the definition of “woke”, exactly? Well according to Spring, it’s this:

Definition of Irony: ”The use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning”, and man oh man, does Spring ever deliver on that, does he not? Especially when we all recall how he continually blames the unjust ills of society on the LGBTQ Community, immigrants, African-American athletes, and non-Christians.

In Spring’s world, “woke” can best be translated as the most irksome of social elements that he finds truly vexing. You know, things such as logic-based points of view, positive representations of diverse lifestyles, verified intellect, the fomentation of accurate scientific knowledge, and the intolerance of hateful, bigoted, misogynistic, and racist language designed to harass, intimidate, and divide?

And just don’t take my word for it, for Musk himself tweeted as much, and Spring, ever the reliable regurgitating parrot, happily shared it with his Klan. Oops… that should have read “clan”, but you say “tomato”, I say “tomato” Either one works:

For those of you keeping track, this declaration regarding people being “armored in false virtue” was brought to us all, by a walking hypocritical representation of narcissistic personality disorder, who, after offering to assist the world towards achieving its own betterment, decided instead, to buy a new toy that he could deliberately break without consequence, because it had once dared to be mean to him.

And mind you that he did so, without even having the courage to tweet the lamest of excuses as to why he pulled such an inhumane stunt to begin with. Despite this cravenness, or maybe because of it, as Time marches on, the truth behind his machinations, become fairly crystalline to us all, save for those that practice Spring’s brand of Christian conservatism, of course.

I’d like to take this time to point out that Conservatives across the board aren’t mad at Musk for refusing to use his vast wealth to aid the mankind that he claims to love, which isn’t all that surprising, when you take into account that they’re also not mad at Trump for the reasons you’d expect, such as his lies, adultery, sexual perversion or his acts of alleged Treason.

No, they’re upset that his toxicity may have cost them the power advantage that they so desperately crave, which is concurrently, the very same reason why they’ve been willing to blatantly overlook Herschel Walker’s parallel acts of close to the same. At this point, the only way that Musk would incur the wrath of the GQP faithful, would be if he actually developed bath a working conscience, if not a functional personality that could pass for human.

And as a self-declared Christian, you would think that Spring would be at least somewhat offended that Musk not only revoked his offer, but also ignores the lesson notated in  Isaiah 58:7: “Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help.”.

There’s also this gem, found in Isaiah 58:10: “If you give some of your own food to [feed] those who are hungry and to satisfy [the needs of] those who are humble, then your light will rise in the dark, and your darkness will become as bright as the noonday sun.”

But for my money, I think that the best passage that could be attributed as relating directly as to what Musk should aspire to be, would be drawn from Ezekiel 18:7: “He is a merciful creditor, not keeping the items given as security by poor debtors. He does not rob the poor but instead gives food to the hungry and provides clothes for the needy.

But such character flaws are mere trivialities for Spring, who like most Conservatives these days, places unquestioning faith in the erroneous construct that if a person is financially successful beyond the pale of what once was considered to be normal, then the varying whims of that person, must be adhered to as if they were the Holy Gospels themselves, because they have the qualifications to back them up:

Oh, did I refer to their inane notions as “qualifications”? I meant to say “undue economic influence”, instead. My sincerest apologies, all around. It must be nice to have the luxury of having no political, cultural, statistical, or technical background, while you demand action concerning topics that have no standing in either your purview, or your range of experiences.

Check out the headlines for context, if you would: Musk isn’t defined as being an “innovator” for his involvement with the electric car industry, nor is he pictured as a “philanthropist” either, although from the information detailed above, it’s pretty obvious why he isn’t. Nope, he’s the “World’s Richest Man”, and that’s all you need know, in relation as to why he can demand the ludicrous, as if he were America’s de facto Emperor.

Musk may have more money than God himself, but it can’t masquerade the reality that he also lacks, and quite evidently so, any indication of possessing the merest measure of a political skillset.

In all due fairness, I as well, may also have quite the dearth of knowledge in concern to same said arena, but just speaking off the top of my head, I’d assume that any individual who’s pushing for a serious investigation to be undertaken, regardless of who they may be, would need at least some sizeable degree of such, as well as proof of their claims.

That is, if they wanted to successfully assume an air of verified credibility among their peers, or even the people that they deride as mere commoners. Yet, despite having ZERO prosecutorial experience, and an allegedly unethical background based on profiting off others innovations, Musk honestly believes that he can just haughtily snap his fingers, and the Dogs of War will come a-running his way, and do his narcissistic bidding.

This seems to be a common denominator for Spring- the veneration of wannabe strongmen entrenched within positions of power and supreme authority that they neither earned, deserve, or know how to selflessly implement, for the betterment of others

And as I’m splitting a few metaphorical hairs already, I find it interesting that Spring can seemingly rail for hours about America’s indigent utilizing social aid programs, while in tandem, turning a blind eye to the practice of corporate welfare, which in realty affects him, and his ever-sealed coin-purse, far more personally.

Being rich, shouldn’t give you any more additional power over anyone else on this planet, save for getting the best takes in restaurants, front-row concert tickets, a room full of custom-made lightsabers, and maybe unfettered access to a few super-models’ personal phone numbers, because let’s face it, dating is hard, when you’ve got to take a private jet with you everywhere you go.

So, to recap: Spring’s paying (literally) for tax breaks directly benefiting a billionaire who’s refused to follow-through on his promise to feed the hungry of the world, is more than acceptable, but feeding said starving and disadvantaged individuals for a lesser cost, using tax revenue, is not.

Well then, I guess us overly “woke” commie-pinko-tree-hugging-soy-chugging-heathen can feel free to go straight to allegorical hell, because he’s a Christian don’t you know, and therefore, far more moral than any of us will ever be. Referencing such, I’d like to point out to Spring, that his alleged Savior and Father of All, was himself, so him-damned “woke”, that the Romans specifically made him into a Catholic wall decoration, because of it.

Spring overall, doesn’t believe in handouts, which I can understand, as I feel that at times, people do occasionally need to figure out the solution to an issue on their own. A crucible of concern hardens the soul, and all that. But then again, Spring also doesn’t seem to place much stock in hand-ups either, and that’s where we find ourselves parting ways, yet again.

But as I slowly shut-down this three-part story arc regarding Spring, I’d like to go out on a note that for me at least, nails his inherent hypocrisy to the floor, and it involves a tangent that I’m sure none of you saw coming. Much like Spring’s fixation with drag queens, he’s got quite the equal hate-on for the issue of forgiving the burden of untenable student debt, despite the edicts to be found within his never-opened copy of the Bible.

For instance, Deuteronomy 15:1-2, commands that; “At the end of every seven years, you shall grant a release. And this is the manner of the release: every creditor shall release what he has lent to his neighbor. He shall not exact it of his neighbor, his brother, because the Lord’s release has been proclaimed.”  Matthew 6:12, says; “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

The disciple Paul goes one step further, and takes on additional burden via Philemon 1:18, by asserting; “But if he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge that to my account.” Spring apparently, missed those sections, although I don’t know if his oversight was due to poor comprehension, or seemingly poor character.

But to be fair, it’s not like he obsesses over it that much:

Well okay, maybe he does a little bit, but in his very limited defense, if he’s preoccupied online harping about a non-issue that don’t affect him one iota, then there’s less of a chance that he’ll be composing any more of that god-awful poetry of his, that I presented to you the last time that we all gathered here.

As the saying goes; “Sometimes you have to take the Bitter with the Sweet.“, and as Spring’s mythical Lord knits far too well, Spring is all about being the best at being bitter, even when the situation at hand, doesn’t affect his life at all:

Two things I’d like to call attention to, in regards to these two memes; to begin, I’m fairly confident that Spring has no idea what character is being misrepresented in the first, and as to the second, one’s intelligence and being trapped within a rigged payments system has absolutely no correlation with each other.

I’d also like to assert that whatever degree titular pothead Jeff Spicoli may feel that he’s co-earned via his taxes being redirected to ease a huge problem of ecnomids, it obviously wasn’t one concerning the English language, due to the fact that whomever created this tripe, forgot to add a question mark at the end of Spicoli’s asinine query.

Nevertheless, Spring’s attack on the learned, does reveal a blatant contempt for those who allegedly unlike him, chose to better either themselves or their situation, by reaping the benefits of a higher education, and it’s an odious card that he likes to play whenever possible:

Starting with the first post, let us now engage in shredding this hypocritical hysteria, into a pile of failed Conservative talking points, if only to force-feed them to Spring’s selective amnesia.  If I read this correctly, Spring takes great offense at persons not honoring their financial agreements, and feels that they shouldn’t be allocated any form of grace, for doing so. 

Interesting…  I have to wonder then, how Spring truly feels about his mango-man-child defaulting on loans connected directly to Trump Tower in Chicago, and its unfortunate creditors who found themselves forced to forgive the $287 million in debt that Trump owed, and has as of yet, to pay so much as a dime back, to honor his agreements that he made supposedly in good faith.

And the reason why I have to “wonder” this, is because Spring has yet to say or post anything in regard to Trump’s long (and well-documented) history of taking the money, and then running for the allegoric hills. As it stands, it’s been estimated that Trump and his assorted companies, owe an estimated $1.3B, but I can only assume that Spring never got that memo.

Nr has our ever so faux offended dimwitted demagogue ever mentioned the fact that several Republican U.S. congressional representative, such as Ralph Norman, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Gregory Pence, Vern Buchanan, Kevin Hern, Roger Williams, Mike Kelly, Vicki Hartzler, and Carol Miller, all had their PPP loans forgiven outright, despite having the financial wherewithal to pay them back in full.

As I try to play Devil’s Advocate on occasion, I’d like to think that maybe this omission isn’t a case of Spring exercising his hypocrisy yet again, considering how many of the people listed above have come out against debt relief, but maybe it’s because he hasn’t found the “Right” meme to express his frustration at this act of arrogant disingenuousness yet.

One can only hope.

Moving on to our second fillet of the day, Spring employs a wide array of ideological tropes here, and yet somehow, fails to leave a scratch. This could be in part to the reality that his “joke” isn’t even remotely funny, but I feel that its weakness is that once again, he has no f**king idea what he’s babbling about.

On average, it takes about two decades for your typical student loan recipient, to pay off their loan debt, with higher echelon debtors, sometimes taking almost five times as long to do so. In addendum, 21% of borrowers see their total debt balance increase in the first 5 years of their loan, due to what should be, (in a moral world) considered an unethical practice, which keeps said debtors trapped in a cycle of paying on their interest, rather than their principal debt.

Nonetheless, Spring, ever the pragmatist, has definitive solutions to this conundrum, and they’re so simple, that the reality of them never having been applied before to the situation, is quite amazing:

Damn, is that some serious out of the box thinking going on there, or what? Can you imagine the difference that could have occurred, if only such sage advice had been forcibly implemented into the pool of common good, decades ago? That would have owned those stinking Libs like nobody’s business, let me tell you.

So, if it’s unfair for taxpayers to pay for “what you want”, then why is it okay for same said taxpayers to foot the bill for the taxation shortfall of corporate welfare, and the personal vanity projects of billionaires, such as sports stadiums and spaceships that accomplish nothing of scientific value, save for correctly measuring the size of their respectively oversized egos?

However, it’s concerning the second posting where Soring’s inanity truly shines in its full glory, as I would love to know just what particulars, pray tell, would Jimmy Ray here, constitute as a “worthless degree”? We’ve already seen with our own eyes that he doesn’t seemingly believe in science, economic statistics, equally-dispersed civil rights, or anything related to cultural pursuits, so what’s really left to explore?

Definitely not anything that Spring would find worth supporting, that’s for sure, and as you may have already surmised, he has a reason readily available as to why that is:

For the record, there’s a huge chasm in between the right to have an abortion, and the pursuit of a purposefully overpriced education, but as Spring is a jackass, such subtleties are far beyond the reach of his limited intellectual grasp. Granted, his said grip on reality may be lacking, but his adeptness at mixing the disparate together to prop up his unwarranted smugness, is definitely on point.

As to the second post of Spring’s, inferring that paying off one’s non-decreasing incurred debt can be accomplished via jobs that thanks to the GQP consistently fighting wage increases, literally keeps the working class treading allegoric water, just above the official poverty line?

Well, Spring’s not going to let a triviality such as verified economic data regarding a social topic and governmental procedure that he’s done zero research on, prevent him from finding a convenient scapegoat for an issue that as noted previously, doesn’t affect him at all.

These moronic memes aside, I knew that rest assured, that Spring, ever the picture of overly arrogant density, was just warming up his asinine pitching of intellectually void condescension, and he did not disappoint me in regards to my dead-on assessment, by pulling in an equally cerebral powerhouse “celebrity” who I referenced earlier in this screed, as ideological backup:

If I may let me offer all my Conservative stalkers out there a small piece of politically astute advice; if you’re going to choose a spokesman, nay a sociopolitical champion, perhaps the screening process that you use, should demand stronger qualifications than an ability to swing a plastic sword and fight low-budget CGI monsters.

Just some gratis practical wisdom, from me to you.

Sorbo, who’s best known these days for whining on conservative media that he, like Tim Allen, has been “blacklisted” in Hollywood due to his political beliefs, and not his one-note acting style, may actually be on to something in concern to useless digress, as his double major in marketing and advertising awarded by Minnesota State University Moorhead, sure came in handy when in order to pay his tuition, he was forced to work as a model for print and television advertising.

And given the lack of notably visible acting roles he’s had since his 90’s TV show Hercules spawned a far more successful spin-off, [AKA: “Xena: Warrior Princess”] it’s a sure bet that he hasn’t really used either degree to any discernible advantage since he received them. But please, my D-lister guy who “stars” in movies that go directly to the discount DVD bins at Walmart, give us your deepest of thoughts regarding educational relevance.

I will admit however begrudgingly, that I do like Sorbo’s joke, because it’s ironically funny. While it’s true that 40% of commercial plastics are used only once, I could say that in regards to Sorbo’s so-called body of work, at least 95% of his artistic endeavors share the same set of statistics, and are then relegated to either being re gifted, or donated to his permanent movie archive, which fortuitously, also doubles as the aforementioned discount DVD bins at Walmart.

Spring’s informational reliance on the washed-up and the irrelevant is both amusing, and somewhat unsettling, given the fact that while he’ll swallow anything that these morons regurgitate, he’ll heap scorn upon those who are actually in the know of things, and to be more accurate, far more successful and educated in how the world works, than he’ll ever be.

And if Spring sees an opportunity for a cheap shot at the same, rest assured, he’ll take it:

Wow. Just…  wow. I’ve heard of beating a dead horse into dust as an allegorical construct, but I had no idea that you could actually formulate it into an actual reality, such as Spring so often does. For sanity’s sake, I’m not going to rehash AOC’s previously listed educational merits, but rest assured, I’d call dollars to doughnuts, that they beat Spring’s, without breaking a sweat.

I’m not going to say I’m impressed by Spring’s misogyny, but I also can’t deny his inherent skillset in displaying it, either. We get it, Jimmy Ray- the pretty girl is far smarter and more successful than you, and even worse, better regarded as well, but you really need to move past that, as I’m fairly confident that you can’t give me one credible reason for your dislike of her, save for the fact she’s a Liberal, and a strongly opinionated woman.

However, Spring, ever the asinine faux academic, believes that he knows best, and despite the obvious contradictions imposed upon his erroneous delusion by Reality, still felt the need to display even more of his smugly obsequious arrogance, by regurgitating an ideological talking point he doesn’t understand to begin with:

Quick question, if I may? Please raise your hands if any of your hard-earned money has ever been taken by “force”, and then unjustly used to pay back someone else’s debt. Anyone? Anyone at all? Well, that seems weird… it’s almost as if Sporing has bever heard of the concept of tax revenue, which after being collected, is gehen utilized to pay for all sorts of things, ranging from crucial infrastructure, to filling the aforementioned tax void created by the greed of the 1%

And as for the “evil people’ that Spring so adamantly fears, I can only assume that he’s referring to the persons who now having been relieved of their blatantly rigged and unethical debt, will find themselves contributing to not only the national economy, but our national strength as well, due to having their education being a benefit for all, and not a burden, as our knuckle-dragging demagogue so wrongly like to infer.

However, I really can’t assign singular blame to Spring for brainlessly disseminating this kind of puerility, because to be fair, it’s not like he’s the craftsman of the idea to begin with. As it’s been noted, Spring is no more than a hateful regurgitating partisan parrot, and as such, he’s going to take his cues from those that shake his cage, even if it’s only to keep him distracted from their long game:  

Ah yes… it’s the educated “Elites” that we really need to worry about, says Jim (“I covered up a collegiate sex-scandal”) Jordan, the spineless congressman whose innate ability to simultaneously lick both the boots and balls of the one-percent, is quickly becoming legend among his fellow GQP toadies, if not providing the fuel for their collective jealous envy.

Let’s cut the bullspit here- what Jordan fears most, isn’t the tax burden America may face in relation to forgiving educational debt, it’s a learned populace that once made capable of critical thinking, won’t buy the sh**-soap that he sells, 24/7. That’s it, in a nutshell.

Isn’t it interesting though, that when it comes to underwriting war and making billionaires even more monetarily comfortable, the GQP can’t cut the allegoric checks fast enough, but if it’s dare suggested that the poor and wiring class need a comparable financial bulwark, then holy dead guy nailed to a cross, you might have as well walked into a Hobby Lobby, and said “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”, like a true American is supposed to do.

As a counter-point to Jordan’s commentary of “Why should a…”, Ill retort with this- first, why does every GQP bought-and-paid-for slimeball, automatically issue the pathetic slur that the people suffering under the crippling weight of inescapable debt, are endowed with useless degrees? I for one, would rather be trapped in an elevator with a philosophy major, then find myself doing the same with a morally rudderless creep, who, deliberately allowed the college athletes under his purview, to be openly, and repeatedly, sexually victimized.

I do have a question for “Gym” Jordan though, and I feel that it’s relevant, so here goes: why should my taxes pay for the unjustified salary of a cravenly toady who has done absolutely nothing of any note, to help the people he’s supposed to ethically represent? A conversation for another time I’d suggest, but I already know that Jordan like Spring, prefers to duck the tough questions when they find themselves cornered by their own flawed hubris.

Excessive pride, or in Spring’s case the delusional faith that he alone is right, and it’s the rest of the world that’s wrong, is not an aspect of character that’s unique to Spring alone, mind you, it is, for all intents and purposes, a founding cornerstone of Conservatism’s condescending sense of moral superiority, which as we’ve seen over the years, is more transparent than window glass, and as fragile as a cracked egg.

And nowhere is this opinion of mine put to the test better, if not harder, than when same said Neo-cons think that they’re the ones getting the short end of the non-existent stick. Hilariously though, their solution for getting out of a situation that was wholly imaginary to begin with, can also be quite the delight to observe from a distance, especially when the resolution to be enacted, is just as absurd:

Reading this, I’m sure that you almost immediately caught the same financial discrepancy that I did, and it centers on the actual cost of the student loan forgiveness program that’s being currently proposed by the Biden administration. As seen above, one of Spring’s unverified memes claims that the eventual cost of its implementation would be around $900B, but now, it’s found itself reduced to “only” 3.9B?

As you might surmise, this is not the case at all, for as usual, Spring found himself with his wires crossed, regarding a topic that he didn’t bother to research. A state of affairs that with Spring, seems far more of an inherent character trait, than an occasional deviation.

What Spring has misrepresented here, is the decision by the Department of Education to cancel nearly $4B worth of federal student loans for 208,000 borrowers who were allegedly defrauded by the for-profit institution, known as the ITT Technical Institute, which closed its allegoric doors in 2016, after nearly five decades of operation.

This decision, following multiple (and verified) state and federal investigations into ITT’s supposedly aggressive recruiting and predatory loan practices, came after years of complaints concerning the institution’s scores of defaults on said educational loans, misrepresentation of job placement success, and the overall ethics of their business practices.

And while the principled lapses of the ITT organization are applicable to the overall issue of student loan forgiveness, its relevance is only as a footnote at best, and not as an ongoing facet of the insidious plot that Spring has constructed within the vacuous space known as his head.

That is of course, unless you consider the offering of Bachelor of Science degrees in Information Systems and Cybersecurity, Software Development, Electrical Engineering Technology, Electrical Engineering and Communications Technology, and Project Management and Administration, as “Leftist Communist Baloney”.

If anything, overcharging the unwary and deliberately screwing them over for unfettered profit while failing to deliver on the numerous promises you made them, seems more in line with how the Conservative movement approaches almost every real-life situation, but for the sake of both my sanity and yours, I’ll digress for now.

However, let us not lose sight of just who the “real” victim of ITT’s unscrupulousness is here, and that would be Spring himself, and to a far greater extent, the $3.9B of “his” money, that was pilfered by those running this shell game. Granted, I could argue that Spring’s “investment” was no more or no less than the cost he already pays to support the one-percent not paying their fair share, but why ruin a good tale of unfounded victimization?

As I opined earlier within this screed; “Spring overall, doesn’t believe in handouts”, but it’s also fairly obvious that as a self-declared Christian, he doesn’t seemingly place much stock in the concept of offering a charitable hand-up to the ill-treated, either.

In essence, Spring strikes me as the type of guy who if he had found himself on the Titanic, not only would have donned a dress in order to save only himself, he would have commandeered the charge of a nearly-empty lifeboat as well, and then demanded that his fellow passengers remove themselves from it, for the sake of his personal legroom.

Despite all this though, I still feel that we should take a serious look at Spring’s idea for rectifying what he considers to be the proliferation of “Wokeism” in American schools, Granted, back in my school days, it was called “teaching actual American History, Science, and Civics”, but why quibble over petty semantics, when we can all collectively discover just how deep Spring’s rabbit-hole of fetid density truly is?

Lest we have forgotten, Spring was born of a different age, where the free-range occurrences of lead poisoning were omnipresent in everything from the air that he breathed, to the water that he drank as a child, so maybe I shouldn’t besmirch the arrogantly uniformed harangues of a person that’s been so obviously ravaged by the effects of undiagnosed brain damage, just quite yet.

That being said, I do have to admit that the application of Archery as a literal defense against the alleged wokeness of the Liberal Arts, is truly a refreshingly original gambit worthy of praise, even if the financial backers of such, are the ones most directly responsible for the maintenance of the gun violence that plagues what was once considered to be, a relatively non-fatal environment.

Now, as I’ve never studied the craft of archery past watching the occasional Robin Hood movie, I’m not entirely sure how the launching of overly pointy sticks into stationary targets, counters the liberal agenda of presenting the world as it actually exists, but I’m sure that in Spring’s warped estimation, such nonsensical assumptions will eventually work themselves out, in all due time.

Just a personal insight, if I can offer such a thing. In my high-school days (1983-1987) I took the standard three R’s, and a bunch of elective classes, ranging from Humanities to Home Ec. And while I can still offer up a good party trick in the form of reciting Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s epic poem “Kubla Khan (Or, a vision in a dream. A Fragment)” almost word for word, it’s never been quite the deal-closer half as much as my recipe for four-cheese lasagna, has been.

Nevertheless, I’ve never found myself facing a critical situation where my inherent knowledge of Archery, has ever been a primary factor in realigning my world. Well, outside of defending my homestead from the occasional attack by an Apache war-party, that is. But let’s face it, who among us, hasn’t gone through something like that at least once?

What was that? Nobody has, since roughly 1887 or so? My apologies. But on the bright side, Spring can always depend on those classes that teach students the skills necessary to become a successful Pinsetter, Physiognomist, Bematist, Lamplighter, Ice Cutter, Switchboard Operator, Phrenologist, Telegraphist, or a Daguerreotypist, so at least he has that to hold on to

I’m sorry, did you just say that all of those jobs are now obsolete?

Well, I’m not going to be the one who tells him. He doesn’t seem to handle reality very well as a rule, and I really don’t want to see yet another one of his ignorant observations freaking out over that which is socially and culturally non-existent. And besides, it’s not like he truly thinks that a liberal-leaning education will have any kind of direct impact upon the world as we currently know it, am I right?

Of course, I am. How could I not be? After all, it’s not as if he’s got an abominably stupid meme just waiting in the wings to refute my opinion, because seriously… what would be the odds of that?

Dammit. To quote Captain America in “Avengers: Age of Ultron”;

So, to recap Spring’s inanity, if we don’t immediately introduce the teaching of archery into our public schools, our children will in due time, become Riot Girl stereotypes harassed by an as yet unnamed communistic army, because they were taught actual history, rather than the inherently false manufactured propaganda of the GQP.

Now that I’m aware of this, I’d suggest that if we’re going to have any chance avoiding this hellishly cartoonish dystopia that the ever-shrieking voices in Spring’s otherwise purposelessness brain have created, maybe we also ought to demand that castle-fortification, flintknapping, armoring, bronze-forging, leech-collecting, alchemy, and reading tea-leaves, should be in the curriculum, too.

One other thing that Spring may also want to consider adding to the public education prospectus, is the instructing of remaining steadfast to one’s openly stated convictions, regardless of the status quo regarding them. That is to say, you can’t be both pro-something and anti-something, in concern to the same thing, at the same time. But leave it to Spring, ever the nonconformist, to do just that:

I have to admit, even I like this absurdity. On the one hand, Spring is pushing for the promotion of Free Enterprise, because it allegedly helps human prosperity, but once such an entity hits a certain level of said affluence, it then becomes the enemy for Spring, if it doesn’t willingly redistribute the wealth it’s obtained, to the demographic that it originally profited from.

If I didn’t know better, I’d almost think that Spring was espousing that the lauded institutions of Harvard and Yale, should engage in some variant of Socialism. You know the left-wing economic philosophy that Spring despises whenever it’s applied to the disadvantaged, but is seemingly okay with, when the end recipients are billionaires?

Once again, Spring’s narrative that the working-class truck drivers and plumbers will bear the burden of Biden’s plan is laughable, if not highly inaccurate. Other than the fact that those two trades pay some of the highest wages, even in the corporation-ruled serf-land that is America, the tax drain that Soring and his fellow citizens face due to the 1% not paying their fair share, is far, far worse. 

But don’t ever tell Spring that, because in his heart, he knows what’s what, and who’s who, in his game of blame, and nobody is going to suggest otherwise. If it’s not the fault of the Left, then it’s the fault of his other go-to scapegoats: the poor, the non-Caucasian, the LGBTQ’, the non-Christian, agents of the Deep State, the Communists, or whomever FOX News told him to hate that hour.

Rest assured though, that regardless of whatever evidentiary proof is provided to Spring, the adversary he will deign as accountable for all the sins of unfettered Capitalism, is never to be the Rich, the Powerful, and most certainly, never the Conservative.

For Spring to admit to his partial complicity in carrying the proverbial torch for the political entity that has purposefully done more to tear this country asunder, then it has to restore it to its once former glory, would require a direct act of the God whom he does not truly represent, and given how he already sees the world entire, what would be the point of his doing so, anyways?

In his twisted mindscape, Spring sees enemies simply everywhere, regardless if his gaze falls upon our government, our popular culture, our entertainment, and I can only assume, under his own bed late at night- an area which I’m sure he triple-checks for the presence of errant drag queens who might want to read him a bedtime story. That is, when he’s not hiding in the closet, failing to deal with that same said obsession of his.

However, and despite all that, this is where it really gets kind of weird. As noted, Spring has made his stance regarding the forgiveness of student loan debt fairly clear, and notwithstanding the idiocy that underpins it, he does have the right to say what he says, and the right to believe what he wants to believe. And even with all my mocking concerning such, I would never dare suggest that he shouldn’t be able to.

And yet given his track record of posting contradictory opinions, I’m nit entirely sold on the concept that even Spring knows just what metaphorical hills he’ll willingly die on, as evidenced here:

Sigh… unexpected plot twists like this, are what makes me seriously contemplate that one day, I need to just chuck it all into the allegoric bin, and start doing heroin at a rate that even jazz musicians would find truly impressive, if not somewhat immensely concerning.

Therefore, the question that naturally arises from reading these two posts, is thus: just what in the “F” does Spring actually believe? Is je for educating the masses, or does he in all actuality, prefer that the majority remains just as willingly uniformed as he seems to be? At this point, I’m not sure if even Spring knows the definitive truth himself, and I doubt he ever will.

However, over the course of three screeds, and using nothing save fir his own words, we’ve all seen just who Spring truly is, and what he’s allegedly comfortable sharing with the denizens of the World Wide Web: vile racism, outdated misogyny, abominable xenophobia, ignorant homophobia, hateful transphobia, and not unexpectedly, a well of personal and religious hypocrisy so deep, that even *Victor Vescovo himself, couldn’t find the bottom of it.
*[Google it]

And all of it freely presented, without a hint of remorse or the merest glimpse of self-reflection.

In the end, and as much as I’d like to label Spring as nothing more than a relic of a bygone age, he serves as one of the strongest reminders that there is an ideological cancer that’s currently infesting the soul, culture, and humanity of America, and as such, dismissing him and his ilk as being nothing more just brainless regurgitating parrots, spewing the inanity of the modern-day GQP, would be a mistake of epic proportions, that we as a country, can ill afford to make…


This right here, boys and girls, is what results when you deliberately ignore the hate-babbling undercurrents brewing within your country, as well as the conspiracy theories, targeted propaganda, and the mentally-ill candidates, that the GQP produces as if it were a Chinese bootleg DVD factory mainlining black-market steroids.

Lest we forget, all revolutions based in nobility were jump-started by a single person saying “Enough!”, and motivating like-minded others to do the same. Disturbingly, that’s also how insurrections and coups launch as well, as we all experienced on January 6th, 2020.

But as I close out this three-story-arc involving Spring, I’d like to do so with one last slice of his inherent hypocrisy, which if anything, is the lone character quirk that he has in buckets. To recap, I’ve presented numerous examples of Spring’s unwarranted attacks and/or unsupported by credible evidence, opinions on a range of topics. most of them being uniformed, quite a few that are unhinged, and some that inadvertently turn out to be comical, due to their ironic unawareness.

The list in rough order included; assertions of non-existent election fraud, corporations promoting pedophilia, numerous anti- gay  and anti-trans sentiments, ignorant slurs regarding the practice of atheism, false accusations about imaginary Christian “persecution”, misogynistic disinformation about abortion rights and crudity concerning women’s physical appearance, a repulsive “joke” abut the act of rape, and lies about Trump supporters being killed due to their political beliefs.

There were also veiled slurs regarding African-American athletes [specifically, WNBA star Brittney Griner and the NFL’s Colin Kapernick] who dared protest police brutality by taking a knee before games, and an assertion that the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, would not

have supported such an action, fir the reason that; (and I quote directly) “he would have known the backlash”.

Something that didn’t bother Spring when he expressed support for both antisemite Kanye West and conservative token, Candace Owens. Continuing on, Spring launched harangues against the undocumented aliens fleeing to America, a limp-wristed attempted bitch-slap in regards to the still-well-regarded 44th US President Barrack Obama, as well as his wife Michelle, because… well, why not?

After all, she does dare to be Black in public as well, and that should be more than enough, right? And as we came to the end of this screed, we all got to see just how sympathetically our self-declared Christian handled the concept of extending charity towards the financially incarcerated.

Spring then bested himself, by topping it all off with a sampling of personal poetry so vapidly saccharine, that even the mythical Vogons from the seminal “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”, would willingly choose to find themselves consumed slowly by a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, rather than be subjected to a second reading of it.

For those unfamiliar with my reference, it has been strongly suggested, if not outright recommended, that you should; “On no account allow a Vogon to read poetry at you”, due to the fact that Vogon poetry, [according to the “Guide”] is considered to be the third worst in the Universe.

The second worst, is that of the Azgoths of Kria, and the worst was by Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex, who, as it was also noted in the Guide, perished along with her poetry, during the destruction of Earth, which was ironically caused by the Vogons themselves.

However, after perusing Spring’s masochistic mangling of the poetic craft, I believe that if given the choice, I would not only nominate his treacle-laden butchery as a viable substitute for the fictionally late Ms. Millstone’s body of work, I’d also, and quite happily at that, french-kiss a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal as well, if only to avoid ever having to read it again.

Happily though, we’ve finally reached the end of Spring’s travels within the Snarklands, and as I stamp his puerile passport for what I truly hope will be the last time, I’d like to remind you all of that earlier moment when I noted that due to their ironic self-unawareness, some of Spring’s postings were inadvertently comical.

And as I shut the metaphorical door in Spring’s face, I can’t think of a better way to do so, then by presenting this last hypocritical slice of self-ownership, which if anything, perfectly illustrates how far out of touch Spring actually is with himself, his actions, and definitive reality:  

This is quite honestly, some very good advice. Screw that- it’s great advice. Or it would be, if it wasn’t coming from the vilely malignant maw of a racist, misogynistic, homophobic, xenophobic, willingly misinformed, oft-times contradictory, transphobic, faux-Christian hypocrite.

If we were to strictly follow the guidelines set in stone before us by Spring, then I just have to ask that which is obvious: as he himself, can do none of these things with the merest sense of competence or credibly, then at what stage of development is he currently at? A zealous zygote? A nattering newborn? An inane infant? A temperamental toddler? A craven child? Or a pustulant pre-teen?

Easy answer: he’s none of those. He’s just another angry and politically impotent demagogue, seeking the adulation that he’s never been given or been able to craft for himself. And that’s it. No mystery. Ni dark secrets. Just another self-disenfranchised American, looking for the next scapegoat to blame for his well-deserved irrelevance.

There’s an old saying that goes; “You don’t really die until your name is mentioned for the very last time”, an observation that I for one, have always found to be somewhat profound. I would suggest, that given Spring’s lack of discernible humanity, empathy, sympathy, and civil decency, we go one better to get ahead of that “last mention” parable, and never utter his name, ever again.

Just like Spring decided to do with the boundaries of Reality, quite some time ago.


“When we don’t know who to hate, we hate ourselves.”- Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters












Dope Springs Infernal PT.2 (Herald of Hypocrisy.)

“Atheists have not produced so much evil as hypocrites have produced, or even simply those who preached God without being prepared for Him, daring to pronounce His name with unsanctified lips.” – Nikolai Gogol

Greetings, Bitchiteers!

Is today not a splendidly wonderful day? The birds are singing, the sun is shining, the clouds are ever so puffy, and Rush Limbaugh is still dead. Truly, a glorious diurnal all around, if I do say myself, and I do. In fact, I’m in such a good mood, I may even try to get through this, my newest of screeds, without once referencing Milla Jovovich, Ding Dongs, or my dual hatred of both Nickelback, and the malevolent scourge that is the “Renegade Cut” of “Highlander II: The Quickening”.

Please note that I did clearly, say “try”. After all, I’m only human, and a good joke is still a good joke, no matter how many times you’re retreaded it. And if you don’t believe me, just ask Chad Kroeger, the lead singer of Nickelback, who’s literally cloned the same guitar riff so many times, that the Ethics Committee of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, has started sending him cease and desist letters.

As I stated in my earlier disclaimer, I did say that I would “try”, did I not?  And if once again, you think that I’m being overly harsh to Kroeger and Company, just keep in mind that the informational tidbit I’m about to present is not a joke- somebody high up in the Canadian government feels just as I do, and saw the usefulness of taking the dreck that is Nickelback’s musical catalogue, and weaponized it for the greater good:

What this relates to, is the story that the Canadian-based Kensington Police Service, recently threatened to punish drunken driving suspects by playing Nickelback in their squad cars, which I am sure on some level, just has to be a blatant violation of the Nuremberg Code.

Sometimes, you just have to accept that your personal character is not nearly as strong as you think it is, and just learn how to deal with the fallout of such. But sadly, this is a lesson that some, despite repeated exposure to the sageness of its teachings, never seem to learn.

Like this prime example of what happens,when a discount knock-off Bible mates with a displaced cave troll, and then leaves the resulting baby outside of a Trump rally, relying on the faint hope that the White Supremacists gathered inside, will find the Hellspawn, and raise it as if it were one of their own:

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have the pleasure of introducing you all. to one James Ray Springs: proud Oklahoman. Loyal American Patriot. Slavishly devoted MAGAt. Also, balding.

And as you’d expect from the descriptors listed above, a 100% full-on Cafeteria Christian, to boot.

Weird how those always seem to go together, isn’t it?

But James is so much more than your stereotypical Trumpanzee, as you shall come to see. If anything, he’s the poster boy for just why it’s so necessary to fund both public education, if not access to birth control.

And he proves it almost every time he posts, which fortunately for me, is often.

Now, I will admit that as a rule, I really do enjoy what I do for both personal relaxation and profit, and when it comes to punching metaphorical holes in the floor of the bloviating boat that is modern-day conservatism, nothing makes me happier than finding an undiscovered reservoir of Republican abominableness, and James here, easily provides that without even breaking a sweat.

I swear on all that is unholy, that when the receipts are finally tabulated, I’m gonna bet that this twat-waffling Trumptard may just be the most productive moron that I’ve ever written about, save for my prior literary endeavors featuring two of my favorite human scratching posts, *Ken Cykala and *Ruth Darlene Seawolf, and both of those, clueless as they are, were stallions when it came to the propagating of conservative density. *[Check out the AB “Archive”]

But when it comes to Spring, he’s truly special. Protective headgear and short-bus privileges all the way, and I honestly do mean that as a compliment. Until he came across my radar, I didn’t know, or even believe, that I could enjoy a literal walking personification of a bumper sticker, half as much as I do him.

Like a Super-Walmart based in Hell, Spring offers it all, and at a far below retail price: Racism, Misogyny, Transphobia, Homophobia, Xenophobia, Conspiracy Theories, intrusive Pro-Life ideology, Cultural Distrust, and my personal favorite, absurdly blatant religious hypocrisy, which if I were to gush over anything he does, seems to be Spring’s masterwork in legacy building: .

Sigh… as you will see, Spring’s main forte is to get things wrong- sometimes by degrees, but typically, when he does so, he misses the point not by miles, but by literal galaxies. If NASA ever gave him the keys to Artemis, and told him to land on Mars, this twit would find himself floating dead-smack in the center of HD-1 I instead, and most likely, would be ranting about the aliens already living there..

To note, not believing in a celestial sky-daddy, is not, and I repeat, NOT “nihilistic”. It is, in my most humble of opinions, both logical and sane, considering that said deity Spring espouses, is at best, a mercurial sociopathic sadist, who inconsistently tortures and then purposefully ignores, his supposedly most valued of creations, when they beseech him for help.

And if you want to talk about “dark concepts” Jimmy Ray, I’d love to hear how the instructing of perceptive morality, using a Bronze-Age tome that not only at times, contradicts itself, but which also contains numerously graphic accounts of actions both abominable and sadistic, will ever produce an outcome that wouldn’t be eventually classified by a trained psychologist as “f**ked-up beyond belief”, in the end.

Shockingly, immersing a suggestable child in an ideology of truly lurid so-called “morality tales” based on Genocide, Racism, Slavery, Torture, Misogyny, Sodomy, Incest, Rape, Murder, and the forbidding of the consumption of a really good Shrimp boil, falls far short of humanizing the experience of seeing the majesty and wonder of the world as it actually is. 

And yet, when given those parameters, this is the vision that you want firmly implanted in their minds, instead?

Yup. That’s not the second-worst form of child abuse at all. But having the sheer audacity to inform the same child that God is a myth, religion is a blatantly transparent cancer, and that magical thinking is bulls**t?

Well, just sit back, and watch the Cafeteria Christian Cabal break out the guillotines for the Atheists, light a bonfire for their science books, and declare that it’s really the heathens who are the real danger to our society at large.

Fortunately for the necessary continuance of sanity, if not our societal unity in general, modern-day Religion is dying agonizingly slow on the vine, and ironically, the mythical and wholly sociopathic sky-daddy himself, can be credited for being the primary factor leading to its demise. And in my opinion, the fault-line for such, starts forming at the launch of the sales pitch:

“Hey there everybody, for those of you not in the know, our Supreme father, AKA “God” has these ten supposedly unbreakable rules, but they’re kind of arbitrary at times depending on his ever-so-mercurial will, and if you fail to spend your entire life on your knees thanking him for cursing you with the taint of the original sin that was actually all his fault, he’s going to send you to a place replete with personalized torture, endless pain, and the joy of eternally swimming the backstroke in a boiling lake of fire.

Oh, and even if you were a bad person for let’s say, only half of your life, you’re still going to be stuck there until the stars burn out, because that’s how the Big Guy likes to show both his Love for you, and his penchant for practicing the art of sheer overkill, mixed with unrealistic and unobtainable expectations.”

Now, while this appeals to some people as a desirable lifestyle choice for some as yet, unfathomable reason, those of us whose brains still work the way Nature intended them to, are usually the first ones in line to say; “No thanks. I’ll take a seriously hard pass on that bullspit”. While I can accept the fact that Faith in and of itself, can be a wonderfully powerful force for good, I tend to lose that optimism when I discover that it’s been encased within the scurrilous shell that is modern-day organized Religion.

And as we shall come to see, when the allegorical reins are placed in the hands of a mewling hypocrite like Spring, it only serves to remind the sane walking among us, just what a crock the belief in the Celestial, really is.

The same people who conceitedly declare that they wouldn’t dare condescend to consult with psychics, mediums and the gateway to satanic values that is a Ouija board, are also the same persons who will tell you in the same breath and without a trace of irony, that they only take counsel from God, whom they’ve never seen, never heard, and have never met.

Case in point, courtesy of Spring himself:

Take all the time you need to process this inadvertent satire. And as you engage in the saddest of pauses after accepting the fact, that the people who espouse this garbage, don’t see the evident contradictions within it, take heart in the reality that their Age of Ignorance is coming to its long overdue end, and as it does, faux Christians such as Spring, will hopefully become as culturally relevant as an 8-track player, or even worse, a Microsoft Zune.

Speaking only for myself, I have never understood how anyone who supposedly puts stock in the “lessons” purportedly ensconced within the Bible, can consciously ignore the modern-day incongruity it raises. Take the story to be found in Genesis 11:1-9, which describes the arrogant folly of the Tower of Babel, which men built in a futile attempt to reach heaven from their earthbound confines.

To note; “And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech. And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there. And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for mortar.

And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth. And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded. And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.

Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech. So the Lord scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city. Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the Lord did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the Lord scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.”

In essence, God saw the humans encroaching on his front yard, and in a supreme act of petty celestial suburbanism, threw a spanner into their works, instead. So, if we hold to the lesson of the danger in trying to reach the underside of heaven via an earthbound tower, then why is God not seemingly as vexed by our building an international space station that in theory, occupies the space above it?

An installation by the way, whose very existence and research mission statement alone, proves consistently that God is indeed, no more than a myth akin to boogeymen, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and a good X-Men movie.

But it’s not all bad news for the fantastical, as Santa is still very real, and I know this to be true, because I see him every December hanging out at my local mall. Granted, he can never remember my name, but let’s be fair here- he is quite up there on the age scale, so minor memory slips are bound to happen.

If I were so pessimistically bold, I’d even opine that most Christians only believe in God, because the thought of a Heaven occupied by only people such as themselves, is a salve to the fact that down here on earth, we hold their actions and words to account. And of course, Spring is more than happy to let us all know (me specifically) exactly whom gets to be lounging on a cloud, and who gets to be Satan’s chew-toy;

While it’s obvious that I’m fairly dismissive of the sincerity of Spring’s alleged faith, I’d also like to point out that deep inside, I’m also somewhat envious of his assurance in expressing it as devout, despite all evidence to the contrary. In addition, I would also like to note that Spring’s interpretation of the Rapture is somewhat philosophically imperfect, as in my opinion, an Earth free of religious hypocritical extremists like himself, would indeed be as close to Heaven as my atheist mind can visualize.

In spite of the fact that as a rule, I tend to consider myself a person gifted (and oft-cursed) with a sense of supreme personal self-assurance, I can readily assure you all, that it’s nowhere near the level of Spring’s, which overall, reminds me of a meme I once saw:

And I must admit, even with my eye of cynicism fully open, that in a way, Spring is Batman; dark, brooding, and most likely, spending a great deal of his free time sitting in a cave, obsessing over the things he cannot change, such as women being allowed to have their own opinions, and African-Americans daring to do White people stuff unimpeded, in public.

In my last screed, I briefly touched upon Spring’s inherent misogyny and racism, in lieu of his so-called Christian values without providing a solid base for my opinion, but now it’s time for a few examples, methinks. To start us off, let’s tackle conservatives favorite sport, attempting to control women, and as you’d expect from a guy who needs to feel like an alpha, he knows not only what’s best for women, but what’s really going on in regards to modern-day feminism, as well:

I tells ya’, there’s nothing like having a guy in his seventies, mansplaining to woman unknown to him, what the true issues are in relation to their ongoing fight for unfettered female body autonomy. And as a bonus, he’s also more than happy to offer some unsolicited advice from his faux ivory tower as well:

I won’t speak for you of course, but as Spring displays his inherent suaveness by crassly suggesting that it’s the women who need to close their legs, you can just feel the love of Jesus rolling off this guy, as if he were dipped in AXE sanctimonious-scented body spray.

I do love the mixed message that Spring is promoting here though: if you make the decision to have an abortion, you’re a stone-cold murderer, but if you choose to have the kid, then you’re noth9ng less than a societal leech, and a whore, as well.

Damn. It must be so nice to sit on both sides of the metaphorical morality table, and still claim the mantle of prideful and unwarranted self-righteousness. However, we shouldn’t dwell on the past, because Spring is already doing that for us, as only he can:

Just grace and elegance”. And also, if you remember, an incontestable sense of anticipated subservience to the reigning patriarchal attitudes of the era. But our man Spring here, the obviously ardent Feminist, was thoughtful enough to issue a contemptuous observation about what aspects of femininity, women need to regain in his unasked for, and wholly erroneous, opinion.

You’ll notice by the way, that Spring didn’t remark upon what men in general need to do to better themselves, as once again, it’s all on the women whether they like it or not. Nevertheless, I appreciate that the first thing that Spring referenced was the importance of looks, and not strength of character, intellect, or personal ambitions, qualities which I’m sure in Soring’s world, are regarded as highly inconvenient, if not emasculating.

The irony here though, is that Spring, the self-declared adversary of Botox, silicone and all things torn, once posted this sexist tripe masquerading as political commentary, because in his cravenly chauvinistic worldview, the dumber the woman, the better it is for his cuckolded kind.

Now, before I reduce this asinine comparison to bloody shreds, I’d like to thank Spring for his almost godlike ability to set up the joke for me. I

n most cases when I’m writing about somebody as allegedly awful as Spring appears to be, I actually have to do a lot of behind-the-scenes work, such as extensive research, meticulous checking for accuracy, and let us never forget, the metaphorical heavy lifting involved in just getting my pixilated observations on the path to being crafted into a workable story.

It can be at times, maddening, depressing. exhausting, and stressful as frak, but when you take into account that Spring’s inadvertent setup was perfect for my eventual retort, it’s all worth it:

But Spring isn’t done quite yet with his mansplaining traveling show. After all, as a man of the Faith, it’s apparently his job as well, to instruct the women he doesn’t know how to properly carry themselves in public, even if he doesn’t feel the need to do the same for the men that they may encounter while doing so:.

Has anyone else noticed that it’s always the sole responsibility of women to dress modestly? To be the ones who have to walk back to their car parked on a dark street, with the keys splayed between their fingers, or to carry mace? To create a “safe phrase’ if they’re being harassed in a bar, where they’re also not allowed to get too drunk, because if they do, and wind up getting sexually assaulted due to being vulnerable, then they’ll be told that they were “asking for it”?

And my personal favorite: if a woman finds herself pregnant, you hardly ever hear commentary about the man that shirked his responsibility, it’s always the woman’s fault for “not being careful”, or “choosing the wrong guy to f**k”, despite the reality that it takes two to tango as it were, but society only likes to assign blame to the one person who’s already dancing backward to begin with.

Once again, it must be so nice to sit on both sides of the metaphorical morality table, and still claim the mantle of prideful and unwarranted self-righteousness, when it’s the male gender that inarguably, creates the problematic societal fear that women overall, are forced to deal with on a daily basis.

That fear by the way, which runs the gamut from the anticipation of unwanted advances to the aforementioned apprehension of being sexually assaulted, are seemingly of no real concern to Spring, who in a truly sickening act of crass chauvinism, reduces such valid anxieties into nothing more than an opening to launch a thoughtless infliction of a tastelessly abhorrent “joke” decrying them, instead:

For the life of me, I have no idea why anybody would ever doubt that this guy wasn’t a true “Child of God”, can you? Other than the fact that Spring displays both the intellectual maturity of a mentally-challenged penile implant, and the warmth afforded to an unprepared speculum, it’s almost like standing next to Christ himself, is it not?

For the record, the abominable and dehumanizing act of rape is not, I repeat, NOT based on the physical attractiveness of the victim to be, it’s based on opportunity, access, and control of said allegorical prey. I cannot believe that I even have to express this in print, but the scars of sexual assault, both attempted and achieved, go far beyond what Spring flippantly (if not repulsively) describes as “optimism”.

No James, “optimism” is what you have, in assuming that every female within your unfortunate orbit, isn’t acutely aware that you’re a nattering Neanderthal at best, and an allegedly passive supporter of sexual assault, at worst.

But here’s where Spring takes a turn for the weird. Despite his predilection for “advising’ women who didn’t ask him for such invasive input on how they should act, dress, fornicate, plan a family, and ignore the threat of being raped if they’re considered unattractive, he also wants them to know that he’s also not “one of those guys’, either

But just to make sure that he himself, in no way, shape or form, could ever be considered as “creepy”, Spring offers some additional and wholly unsolicited societal guidance to the women validly upset that their body autonomy rights are being taken away, with a sage suggestion that only a truly non-creepy septuagenarian would ever make.

And in the act of doing so, proves that despite his avowal of supporting a woman’s right to not be harassed online or in general, he is most definitely indeed, “one of those guys”:

If there was ever a possibility that genital warts could ever be granted the privilege of sentience, and then additionally gifted with both ambulatory ability and internet access, my gut tells me it would look very akin to the visage that Spring here presents, when he’s out and about in public.

Because along with believing that so-called “ugly” women have nothing to fear from dedicated rapists, he also espouses that women in general, shouldn’t be concerned with the equally valid worry of losing their body autonomy as well. And why is that?

Well, because of the Transgender community, of course!
Yes, this is a stupid statement. And yes, Spring is quite the stupid man. But no, he actually does know what he’s doing here, even if he doesn’t know what he’s actually saying. Like most neocons, Spring is deliberately taking two unrelated topics that he proudly knows nothing about, and is amalgamating them, in older to draw attention away from whatever topic was actually being discussed, before he did so.

A classic case of a “Bait and Switch” gambit, except that now in this modern-age, it would be far more accurate to describe it as more of a “Hate and Bitch” maneuver, instead. It’s one of the oldest go-to conservative tricks in the book, and the reason why Spring tends to use it so much, is probably because he was actually there when it was first written down,

In Sumerian. On the back of a freshly-killed Trilobite.

As you may have gathered after reading my last screed, Spring, along with being a misogynistic faux Christian and a soon to be proven bigot of no small reputation, also possesses quite the hate-on for the LGBTQ Community as well, which is yet another reprehensible aspect of his disturbingly f**ked-up character. Now. while I won’t be readdressing that topic just yet, I will, be revisiting it, if only to fully flesh out just what a heretical hypocrite Spring truly is.

Speaking of which…

Let’ me notate if I may, one of the Conservative movement’s favorite pastimes, that being the spewing of vitriolic venom at the entire Clinton political dynasty, despite Bill not being President since 2001, his wife Hillary not being culturally relevant since 2017, and their daughter Chelsea, who at the time of this writing, now works with the Clinton Foundation and Clinton Global Initiative, both of which are centered on providing solutions to some of the world’s most pressing concerns.

But just as Rush Limbaugh once so despicably did on his TV show where he inferred that Chelsea was “the White House Dog”, Conservatives love going after the children of the people they can’t even begin to touch. By the way, Chelsea was only 12, and Rush three decades her senior, when he made his revolting remarks, which just goes to show that the only people that the Alt-Wrong can take on comfortably, are the defenseless and the underaged.

And no matter how much you may want one, you’re still not getting a Matt Gaetz joke out of me.

Now to be fair, the elder Clintons have both had their share of valid political scandals, Bill with the Paula Jones and Monica Lewinsky sex scandals that almost sank his presidency, and Hillary with her own private email server scandal in 2015, but as to the rest of the so-called “Scandals” [Whitewater, Vince Foster’s suicide, Uranium One, Filegate, Benghazi, and Travelgate] they’ve all  fizzled out, much like Rush Limbaugh’s hateful little heart once so charitably did, on that wonderful evening in February of 2021.

And it pisses Conservatives off something fierce, because in spite of their declarations that they believe in the concept of Law and Order, [See; “January Sixth, 2021”] nothing makes them madder than when an avowed democrat walks away from a supposed scandal, while their guys get tagged for the same.

For instance, they’ll crow about Bill’s adultery, but ignore Trumps history of such. They’ll talk about Hilary’s missing emails, but purposefully overlook the hundreds of thousands that Bush Jr and Dick Cheney deleted in regards to the pointless war in Iraq. They’ll screech about Hunter Biden, but you guessed it, forget that Trump’s kids, Don Jr, Ivanka, and Eric, even exist.

Although for the sake of accuracy, so does Trump himself from time to time, depending on his need for either a scapegoat, an ass-kissing, or in Ivanka’s case, when he requires a special daughter-daddy lap dance to ease his rapidly fraying nerves.

Even when said “scandal” was proven beyond doubt to be a false and cherry-picked narrative, an overblown assessment, or wholly imaginary to begin with, such as “Obamagate”, the neocon nutbars just keep swimming forward, delightfully unimpeded by either the clarity of logic or even the faintest twinge of guilt in concern to failing their alleged humanity.

And Spring is no maverick when it comes to this worn out cliché, if anything, he’s a self-castrated gelding, dutifully following the party line in referencing a situational joke that went cold ten minutes after it was first created:

Delightful witticism, isn’t it? Especially coming from a self-declared “Man of God”, who apparently has forgotten the lesson of Ephesians 5:3-4: “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk NOR CRUDE JOKING, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.”

I can only guess Spring must have overlooked those wise words, in his never-ending quest to find the perfect blowjob joke regarding a political situation that nobody has discussed in over two decades.

If in the future, Spring desires to craft one that’s relevant (somewhat) he can always build upon the humor that while Trump had to pay 130K to a porn star to get the briefest of hummers, Spring, the ever so willingly loyal sycophant, most likely would have taken the task on for free. 

And no, I won’t be apologizing for that observational assessment anytime soon or even in the far-off future, given the empirical evidence of Spring’s willingness to happily swallow whatever bulls**t buffet Trump and the utterly complicit GQP, feed him.

By all known and I might add, self-posted evidence, Spring’s favorite repasts are those that serve up Racism as the appetizer, soup, main dish, and dessert. In fact, next to Spring’s almost pro-bulimic-level discharging of faux Christianity upon the unfortunate within his reach, this may be the next most vomitous mass that he truly enjoys disgorging in public. To start us off down the intolerant path of Spring’s mélange of mass-manufactured racial paranoia, I present this asinine foretaste of the things yet to come::

On the surface, while these are terrible tragedies, the narrative attached to both, is only half-true.

While Floyd was indeed, a career criminal, he was not “resisting arrest” when he died, as at the time of his death, he was in handcuffs, laying face-down on the ground, being overseen by no less than four officers, and as proven by bystander video recorded at the time of the incident, Floyd was being fully compliant.

This BTW, is not the only factual deletion in Spring’s account.

What Spring chose deliberately to not mention, is that during Floyd’s arrest, the now currently convicted 2nd degree murderer and former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin, who had both 18 prior complaints filed against him and a reputation for aggression, according to official police records, made the inexplicable decision to kneel on Floyd’s neck using his full weight, for close to ten minutes, leading to Floyd’s eventual demise.

In addition, Spring ever the dogged researcher also neglected to inform us all, that in the later part of 2017, Chauvin responded to a complaint, where he was once again, caught on video using excessive force against an African-American suspect. In this instance however, the individual was a 14-year-old boy who Chauvin beat so badly in the head with a flashlight, the child required stitches.

And then, in a foreshadowing of his eventually fatal encounter with Floyd, he proceeded to pin said child down with his knee for close to 20 minutes, as the boy protested that he was having difficulty breathing. Complaints that Chauvin resolutely ignored. This information, being deemed possibly prejudicial to Chauvin’s ability to receive a fair trial, was purposefully withheld from the jury that in the end, convicted Chauvin of Floyd’s murder.

Yeah… I did say “murder” as Chauvin was not only convicted of unintentional second-degree murder, third-degree murder, and second-degree manslaughter, resulting in a sentence of 22½ years in prison, the autopsy conducted by the Hennepin County medical examiner, also determined that the cause of Floyd’s death was, and I quote; “cardiopulmonary arrest complicating law-enforcement subdual restraint, and neck compression”.

In other words, but not in Spring’s, of course- it classifies as a HOMICIDE. Therefore, Floyd was “MURDERED”, and not “killed”. Semantics, I knew, but words and their implied meanings are still important to the accuracy of a narrative, specifically those based on racist ideology and the construct of victim-blaming.

In the equally as tragic case of Cayler Ellingson, a police official in North Dakota where the murder took place, have declared that there’s “no evidence” showing that politics were a factor in his being run over by an SUV driven by one Shannon Brandt the prime suspect.

North Dakota Highway Patrol Captain Bryan Niewind, has been quoted by FOX News as saying that; “We have uncovered no evidence to support Mr. Brandt’s claim on the 911 call he made that Cayler Ellingson is a Republican extremist, nor that this incident involved politics. This is a terrible tragedy for the Ellingson family. We continue to investigate what led up to the incident, the crash itself and the claim made by Brandt. But, at this time there has been no evidence to corroborate Brandt’s statement.”

Despite this official statement however, Spring has still yet to amend his claims, not because he researched the case and discovered credible data that reinforces his opinion, but because the act of attempting to do so, wouldn’t fit his narrative of Conservatives being specifically targeted victims of leftist political violence.

And when it comes to his claims that the “media” is complicity silent in concern to this case? Well, let us all just go check out what the ol’ Google has to say about that:

Hmmm. Call me overly optimistic, but if I were able to find 94,100 mentions of my name in 0.36 seconds, I’d personally feel that were more than just a few people paying attention to me, and I’d have some serious reservations on just how silent they’d be with that much social buzzing going on.

Nevertheless, it does prove that yet again, another one of Spring’s histrionic harangues, is nothing more than pure unadulterated racist horses**t, in regards to both its presentation of a proven to be false story, and its context as a so-called concern for the Conservative branch.

But now, having observed just how fast Goggle can come up with one’s personal relevancy, I’m actually kind of curious as to what my current share of Google mentions are, as I have been off the allegorical stage for quite some time now, so I can’t imagine I’d even register as a blip these days:

Wow. That’s not a blip, so much as it is a potential cause for worry, methinks.

However, as long as there’s nobody on the Internet wondering aloud what I would look like as a custom-tailored tuxedo fashioned by Ed Gein, I’ll just ignore the implications for now. Spring however, cannot, as his incessant need to paint conservatism as the true victim of racial identity politics, far outranks his crafting of narratives that ultimately, always fail in their attempts to assert his theorems as true.

Spring’s alleged bigotry, another one of those abominable character flaws that clings to hm, as if it were a wood tick dipped in superglue, seemingly drives his racist requirement for insidiously “woke’ boogeymen, ranging from politicians to athletes, whom as we shall see, just so happen to be, a favored target.

And if those fail to raise the racist ire that Spring is consistently trying to achieve, he’ll then play the preferred scapegoat card that all Conservatives keep in their back pockets for when political emergencies necessitate an immediate deflection, that being the topic of illegal immigration.

But before we dive into Spring’s hated of the Cinnamon, I’ll address one of Spring’s most-despised archetypes, the African-American athlete who dares use their constitutionally-protected right to protest what they correctly see as social injustice against their race.

And when it comes to the big fish swimming in the anaerobic lagoon that serves as Spring’s so-called intellect, there’s no bigger prize that Spring wants to land and hang on his wall, than Colin Kapernick, the former quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers.

Spring reviles Kapernick, but as it is with most of the race-based issues that irk ol’ Jimmy Ray something fierce, it has absolutely nothing to do with actual reality, and everything to do with his bigoted belief that our country’s prominent African Americans, just need to shut the f**k up already about the things he could care less about, namely racial disparity, and get back to standing around doing nothing during the playing of the National Anthem:

I hate to break it to all the hypocritical jingoists out there such as Spring, who demand that athletes paid to play a child’s game must stand for the Anthem, as they remain seated on their fat asses at home, but no law says that you have to stand for it, and you are more than free to take a knee as a form of silent protest regarding this country’s inequities, if you so wish.

Kapernick did just that, and regardless of the fact that it was an American veteran who suggested to him that that he do so, and irrespective of the reality that he legally could, Alt-Wrong pinheads such as Spring, lost what little remained of their goddamn minds, and demanded that Kapernick be fined by the NFL, or fired outright, because… um… wait a minute, I’ve got it around here somewhere…

Oh, here it is! The reason why, according to these fine not racist at all patriots, was because his actions were in essence, “disrespecting” the United States of America, its troops, its flag, and apparently as well, its great ingrained tradition of Blacks keeping their collective yaps shut, and knowing their place.

Shockingly, it is possible to both love your country and call out its societal flaws at the same time, because that’s exactly what the Founding Fathers wanted you to do. Hence the reason why the right to protest is the FIRST thing notated within the Constitution: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

And whether Spring likes it or not, or believes it or not, that right applies to ALL of America’s citizens. And yes Jimmy Ray, that includes even those annoyingly uppity ones that you so obviously wish were on a leaky boat headed back to Africa.

But this is not to say that Spring hates all African-Americans, as like most Conservative bigots, he will make allowances for those specific individuals that follow the predetermined game plan of being quietly subservient to their modern-day massas:

No matter how long I live, I will never understand how the trotting out of an allegorical human token in public, is considered to be “proof” that you’re not racist when you so blatantly are. This sort of cringing posturing is quite literally, akin to bragging that you have a Black “friend”, when the entire depth of your relationship, is based on the fact that you remember their name when you run into them at work.

As I called attention to previously; “it is possible to both love your country and call out its societal flaws at the same time”, and doing so doesn’t make you or your actions, unamerican, communistic, socialistic, or whatever term of the second that the Alt-Wrong tosses around, like they do their supposed morals.

And despite the reality that Kapernick has not played in an NFL game for FIVE YEARS, you would never know it, given how often Spring and his fellow Vanilla Valkyries, bring it up as a topic of subjective derision. Say what you will about the neocons, but being stuck in the past is truly their niche, and they do it far better than anyone else.

Let’s keep the context in mind here, if we may. Unlike the Conservative movement’s favorite ex-footballer and current senatorial candidate Herschel Walker, Kapernick isn’t a pile of unrepentant slime, doesn’t have a gaggle of previously unknown to the public children born out of wedlock, nor does he have a history of domestic violence, and most certainly, if not importantly, isn’t a well-documented pathological liar, as well.

Walker by the way, seen here denying that he just said what he just said, is also of African-American descent, and yet, despite the numerous flaws of character laid out just above, and the myriad of lies he’s been unquestionably caught disseminating, the GQP base still regards him highly, for simply no other reason than the inexcusable fact that he represents the “right” kind of Black person that they prefer to be associated with.

The celebrating of group cravenness, over that of individual strength, the lauding of the lowest, as it were. Speaking of which…

I don’t know about you, but when I need current political and societal issue guidance, I often turn to a guy who punches people in the head for a living, and if he’s unavailable, then the ex-jock turned tepid Thespian, whose acting chops make him appear as if he were the sole recipient of those punches, will do just fine in his stead.

Once again, Kapernick didn’t do anything immoral or illegal, as Herschel Walker seemingly does almost every damn day, but he did fully utilize his Constitutional rights to politely suggest that maybe police should stop murdering African-American citizens, and for a faux patriot and overt racist such as Spring is, that was just a step too far over the line that White people drew in the sand.

One might argue that Spring was simply irked at what he considers a slandering of the police in general,  but when you take into account that he’s displayed zero concern regarding the Capitol Police being attacked on January 6th, I’d infer that he only tends to openly support the Blue, when it’s openly murdering the Brown.

Has anyone else ever noticed by the way, that whenever Conservatives need to present a Black face to ward off the consequences resultant from their publicly displayed acts of racism, the only persons that they can ever persuade to speak on their behalf, always seem to be professional athletes?  Are they truly that unaware that African-Americans are omnipresent in career fields outside of the one that is the world of competitive sports, or do they believe that’s all they know how to do?

Seriously. Outside of Thomas Sowell, and Candyass Owens, how many academically prominent Black spokespersons for the GQP, can you list right off the top of your head? And no, “Diamond and Silk” don’t count, as I’m fairly confident that their only academic endeavors were in learning how to effectively parlay their dual cosplaying as modern-day Stephanie Fetch-its, into a profitable career in puerile propagandist punditry:

You know what’s funny? Honestly, until these two twunts burst onto the national stage like a festering sore on the ass of Humanity, I always thought that the practicing of intellectually vapid Karenicity, was exclusively a White lady thing, so I guess as a society, progress is being made, evermore the pity as it does.

The pity I have regarding the Progress being made is in concern to the ever-evolving tactics being employed by the Alt-Wrong to capitalize upon the established legacies of the Left’s heroes, severely mutating their message in order to make it line up with the inane ideology of the Right’s.

Take for instance, this rather enlightening exchange between I, Spring, and his hetero-wingman-for-life, one Jim Hodges, debating just what the honorable Reverend Martin Luther King would have done, in relation to the neocon-crafted controversy that whirls around Kaepernick’s cause to this day.

I do apologize for the sheer length of it, but trust me, it’s worth the read, if only for the fact that when Spring can’t sell his “Kapernick disrespected America” bullspit, he then introduces (of course) the irrelevant deflection of Hillary’s supposed email scandal, the Benghazi incident in which both she and the White House, were cleared of any charges, and a comparison drawing parallels between the FBI and the KGB.

And all of it is appropriate to mention, because as you already know, the presentation of such conspiracy theories, would be a natural transitional point in a discussion centered on the beliefs of Reverend King:

I guess you got me there, Jimmy Ray, because if there was one thing Martin Luther King truly feared, it was facing “backlash”. from the community that was at the time, oppressing his people.]

[Or maybe not, you absolute f**king moron.].

As I re-read Spring’s absurdly uninformed commentary, a question arose out of its intellectual darkness, and it is this: as it’s quite clear that Spring does not, will not, or cares not, to ever know anything about the struggle of the Black community in this country, would there ever be a time when even he, a most decidedly ardent bigot, would be perfectly comfortable with African-Americans taking a knee, en masse?

My instincts tell me no, but I’m almost certain that there’s at least one way, he’d be able to make peace with it:“Oh look… those ever so thoughtful gentlemen, are selflessly taking time out of their respectively busy day, to help that slightly distressed African-American citizen find his dropped contact lens.” Granted, I know that’s not what’s really going on in this horrid photo depicting man’s inhumanity toward his fellow man, I’m just picturing in my head, how deliberately Spring would rationalize what’s occurring within it.

However, as a final nail in the coffin that’s housing Spring’s racially-biased inanity, I’d like to introduce this little graphic regarding how actual veterans felt about Kapernick taking a knee, and when it gets right down to it, who better to directly ask, than the people whose entire purpose is to vigilantly protect the rights of the citizenry of the country they represent, if not occasionally lay their lives down for?

Well, would you look at that? Despite Spring’s asinine assertion that Kapernick is ’disrespecting” the flag, America, and I can only can assume that apple pie and Mom are thrown in there as well, it seems that actual veterans who literally fought and died for Kapernick’s right to openly protest, are in his camp rather solidly.

And yet, Spring is offended on their part, even though there’s no need or clarion call to do so. But that’s the beauty of false patriotism- it allows you to take your racism out in the open without consequence, so long as you wrap it in the flag first. Whenever I think of how Spring overreacts to African-Americans doing “White people things”, this is the image that always pops into my brain:

Is Spring just another ostensibly stereotypical racist? Well, as I see it, I’d have to begrudgingly say “Yes” and “No”. While I have made multiple jokes about Spring owning an all-White-Robe-based wardrobe, I wouldn’t perceive him to be racially violent, like say, a Klansman or an Oath Keeper, tends to be. But irrespective of this, Spring IS an outwardly proud bigot, none the less.

This is not to say that Springs casually drops the “N” word as frequently and as openly as he publicly displays his low IQ, but in judiciously selected company, I’m fairly confident that slur flies around faster than Superman trying to save Lois Lane.

In what can only be described as the polar opposite of “delightful” Spring is also as equally obsessed with yet another African-American athlete, that being WNBA star Brittney Griner, except that this time, Spring has merged his inherent racism with a sense of pathetically anti-American indifference to the plight of a fellow American citizen.

And what was her immediate offense that so upset Spring’s delicate sensibilities, you ask? It’s actually a very simple answer; much like Kapernick, Griner dared to use her public visibility and constitutional right of open protest, to call attention to the ongoing social concern of racism and police brutality.

Some context, in case you are unfamiliar: during a teleconference in July 2020, Griner commented that; “I honestly feel we should not play the National Anthem during our season. I think we should take that much of a stand. I don’t mean that in any disrespect to our country. My dad was in Vietnam and a law officer for 30 years. I wanted to be a cop before basketball. I do have pride for my country.”

Capping off her constitutionally protected remarks, Griner further declared that she would walk off the court if the Star-Spangled Banner was played, which is also her right to do so, even if she is Black. But you may be asking, why do I think that Spring is overly fixated upon Griner? Well to quote Connor MacLeod from the beginning above, “call it a hunch”:

If I have to give Spring credit for anything, it’s that he embraces his racism with the same intensity that a tween displays every single time that their copy of Tiger Beat magazine finally arrives, if that’s still a thing. Oh wait, it isn’t, as the TB is now an internet-based magazine, as it ceased physical production in December of 2018. My sincerest apologies regarding my use of a flawed analogy all around, but hopefully, you get my point.

At the moment, faux Christian-Americans such as Spring are reveling in the fact that Griner, an African America lesbian millionaire, and constitutional-law-applying athlete, is serving a nine-year prison term in the Russia for the crime of “smuggling” vape cartridges loaded with cannabis oil into Russia, which on the surface alone is utterly ridiculous, given that fact that they were obviously part of her personal use stash.

Now, while the act of bring weed oil into a foreign country was truly dumb, it also didn’t merit the 9-year sentence that Russian courts handed down, and that Spring and his fellow bigots are so gleefully crowing about. In Spring’s estimation, the uppity and ungrateful well-off dyke got her just karmic reward for daring to believe that she has the same rights as him, and so far as he’s concerned, she can rot there until the stars burn out.

Now, as irritatingly prejudiced is this is, there’s actually a sweet side to this train of bigoted thought, for I got to see true love in action when Spring’s as equally hateful marital magpie, one Kathy Stacey Spring, stepped into the fray to defend her husband, by echoing both his racism, and dearth of intellect:

The couple that falsely prays together, realistically brays together, I guess. And here I was, thinking that the only way Spring would ever find a true soulmate, would be if Marjorie Taylor Greene adjusted her adultery game include culturally irrelevant geriatrics.

Live and learn. However, it is sort of nice to know that Spring will always have a “plus one” for all those 3am front-lawn barbecues that I can see him attending in the future, as being a true romantic myself, I like to see everyone happy. Especially the people who make those around them, happier when they leave.   

I’m not certain how these two hummingbirds of hate initially met, but I’m fairly confident that the setting of such, was most likely centered around either a family reunion, or even possibly, a reenactment of the1921 Race Massacre that occurred in the Greenwood district of Tulsa, Oklahoma. But I repeat myself.

See, like most bloviating bigots, Spring tends to honor the past history of said prejudice, and despite not appearing to be the type of guy who actually reads books, so much as he consistently uses them for beer coasters, Spring is still here to reminds us all, just what’s really important- the preservation of a traitor’s legacy:

Yes Jimmy, since “they” removed the statues of a person who attempted to destroy the very fabric of the country that is today’s America, no one remembers him.

For instance, the multiple buildings, military installations, and schools named after Lee, as well as the memorials dedicated to him, are hardly enough to remind the common citizenry of who he actually was, falling way short of any form of established legacy worth noting. Seriously. It’s almost embarrassing just how little respect we grant this Confederate turncoat, is it not?

And don’t even get me started on the disgusting disrespect that’s been shown towards his horse- we’ll be here all day., I swear to mythical God.

To be fair, I could point out to this treason-adoring jackass, that statues aren’t primarily how History is taught or even learned, thanks to the innumerable resources of books, essays, magazine articles, films, documentaries, along with the presence of historical archives and the academics and teachers who interpret them, but when you’re as inane as he is, all I can say with practically in response to such, is thus:

Oops. My bad. For a second there, I almost forgot what kind of absolute f**king moron that I’m actually dealing with. Once again, for a guy who dually claims to be both a Christian and a proud American, Spring’s unproven values unerringly, always seem to be on the wrong side of the allegorical fence.

In yet another example of Spring’s unrelenting quest for proving himself to be truly unworthy of the privilege of not having his internal organs unwillingly harvested to distribute to those random persons worth having on Earth, he’s fallen back on his perpetual habit of allying himself alongside yet another house token for the Conservative massas, the obviously mentally-ill entertainer known as Kanye West, or as he likes to call himself now, “Ye”.

West, whom at his best, could be charitably depicted as having some serious psychological issues, is seemingly nuttier than a forty-dollar pecan pie, what with a well-documented history of bizarre outbursts, insane declarations, and self-started feuds with his fellow celebrities, thereby undoubtedly setting up the future guarantee that one day, a regimen of forcible medication and he, will be great friends.

Now while these issues in and of themselves being left untreated is concerning, when taken into overall consideration, his public displays of allegiance to both proven racists and their de facto leader Donald Trump is truly no more than yet another brick he’s placed in a wall comprised of sheer wackadoo, and as such, should be regarded with serious cynicism.

But for Spring, West is no less than a new card in his deck of racial politics, and mythical god knows, Spring is going to play it, for as long as he can. Nevertheless, as I noted just above; “Spring’s unproven values unerringly, always seem to be on the wrong side of the allegorical fence”, but this time around, it appears that said fence, was built just outside the clearly marked boundaries of Auschwitz:

Wow. Just… wow. I don’t even think I can find the jokes that are normally hidden within this kind of soulless garbage, and that’s actually my niche most days.

Other than the fact that this abhorrence should clearly serve as dire confirmation that a long-overdue intervention regarding West’s mental acuity is needed, it’s also a reminder that racism itself, is a human disease, and not simply based on or in, one’s cultural take of the world entire. Granted, while I honestly do believe that White people promote this character affliction the best, they also don’t fully own the proverbial corner in concern to it, either.

As a writer, I’ve experienced my share of closely observing more than my fair share of a mental dissolution in progress, but seriously, holy motherc**ksuck, what in the f**k is this? I can honestly say that if West does have a brain, I’d opine that most of it is currently being rented out to the voices of others. 

And what pray tell, is the state of action that is “death con 3”? I only ask, because there’s actually five states of “Def-Con” [the correct attribution], so any threat that hovers somewhere in the middle, hardly constitutes a sense of concern. What’s West actually going to do? Haughtily enter a Jewish deli, and impudently demand that they make him a cheese-free Reuben?

And contrary to West’s absurd declaration, yes, it IS possible to be a Semite and still be antisemitic, just as it’s possible to be Latino and hate other Latinos, or to be a light-skinned Afro-American with a dislike for your fellow darker hued ones, as well. To be clear, while West is visibly bereft of a fully-functioning intellect, it’s still no excuse for fomenting this antisemitic bullspit out into the public sphere.

And taken as a whole, the contextual substance of his vile commentary is virtually incoherent, even when the pervasiveness of his mental illness is factored in. However, as it was to be expected, West’s remarks were immediately met with instant furious backlash, and not surprisingly, accorded the worst punishment our modern-day society can issue; being restricted on social media:

I would like to point out, that in no way, shape or form, has Spring publicly embraced West’s antisemitic POV, but along those lines, he also hasn’t overtly rebuked it, either. This is not to say that Spring aligns with West’s sentiments, but it does go to show the commonality of Conservatives to willfully overlook defects of character, so long as the person [or in this case, the token] involved, can still serve as a political pawn of sorts.

You know, that whole “owning the Libs” thing, that Conservatives think is a viable and devastating gambit? I hate to break it to Spring and his fellow intellectual voids, but parading an obviously disturbed loon around as one of your torch-bearers, is never a strategy that works out well in the end, regardless of what you may think.

If anything, all it has done thus far, is dually showcase that the GQP’s inherent human disconnection and ideological desperation, once considered to be ostensibly their greatest asset, now only serves as a glaring reminder of just how deeply rotted their hypocrisy actually is. Now, why would I even suggest that you ask? Well, it all stems from this interesting political story, strangely enough:

See, a while back, West claimed that he was finished supporting Donald Trump, and as you may have guessed, the Alt-Wrong didn’t appreciate the fact that one of the ”right” African-Americans that they had been so gracious in welcoming into the fold, had dared in the end, to rebuke their mango man-child, before relocating himself to the edge of the proverbial plantation.

And Spring, of course, being nothing more than a regurgitating propaganda parrot, was more than happy to jump on that bandwagon at the time, by promoting a sure-fire way to punish West for getting in touch with his inner uppishness, that being the genius implementation of a plan based on paying him an exorbitant amount of money to do absolutely nothing:

Sigh… I’ve said it before, and I know I will have to say it again, but when it comes to crafting their evil schemes, the GQP base really needs to stop relying on the same firm that designs such for Bond villains, to serve as the standard go-to for theirs, because the flaws within it are pathetically obvious.

To note: your “plan” centers on giving West, whom you dislike for not acting as your party’s personal Stepin Fetchit analog, several hundred-thousand dollars to perform for you alone, in a venue that once the stage lights go on, prevents him from seeing both you and your stupid-ass sign, and since most halls have rules against homemade signs to begin with, you’ll find yourself booted out, he’ll take the night off, [no audience, remember?] and in the end, he’ll still have all of your money.

Yup. That’s a plan so deceptively brilliant and simple, that even the great dreamer of schemes eternal, Machiavelli himself, couldn’t even possibly begin to understand how it would actually work in practice.

Spring’s lack of strategic planning aside, this slice of ”I like you, but only when you’re doing what you’re told”, is indicative of the cravenly chaos that at its core, is slowly tearing apart the GQP, if not its agenda.

Instead of policy, they laud putrid propaganda, instead of leadership, they offer fear-inducing soundbites, and when it comes to the strength of character, all they can present as candidates, are ethically-challenged wretches, whose morality is akin to Velveeta that’s been lounging inside a caldera.

As a political movement needing to go toe to toe with this predicament, you would think that the first steps taken by the GQP, would be to create an allegorical salve to the situation at hand, that would involve first clarifying their message of partisanship, along with aggressively engaging in improving the quality of both their candidates and the leadership already set in place, but you’d be wrong.

Rather than fix the sure to be fatal flaws inherent in their cause, the GQP has instead decided, to embrace them as core values, promoting them in a series of evermore disturbingly inhumane PR stunts. All if which, have been happily lapped up by Conservatives as if they were manna sent from the WASP Heaven that self-assuredly, they’ll all be granted entry to, without fear of consequence.

But until that finely rapturous day arrives, they’ll continue to passively-aggressively play the victim:

Poor Jimmy. He’s gone hos entire life without ever once being handed any of the magically mythical things that Conservatives perpetually claim that immigrants get for “:free”.

Now, as rational adults, we all knew that this ignorant as f**k diatribe, is just pure fantastical garbage, and little else, but for Spring, it’s a literal roadmap of his bigotry, privilege, and race-based paranoia, openly and proudly displayed, as if it were the Shroud of Turin.

Sharp-eyed readers will also note, that Spring holds his unwarranted contempt only for the immigrant class and the indigent, and not the 1% who to be fair, are one of the largest reasons why the tax burden on the average American is so goddamn ridiculous.

I won’t speak for you, but my ire is far more focused on the tax-dodging trio of Musk, Bezos, and Zuckerberg, far more than it is or will ever be, focused on Pedro from Venezuela.

However, I will give Spring some begrudging due credit for playing all the classic hits as it were. I mean there’s the standard ballad where the “others” are being handed everything under the sun on silver trays, then he gives us a quick change-up to the hard-rocking refrain wherein Spring, the ever noble worker does the work, while the lazy Cinnamon people sponge off the sweat of his Neanderthalic brow,

He then closes his set, with a tender plea for sympathy that he doesn’t deserve for slights that never happened, and as he does so, gives us all one last sardonic twist, asking for the ever desired “Victim Card”, which he’s obviously been playing for quite some time now.

From this and the previous postings I called attention to, I feel fairly comfortable calling Spring a POS racist, but as he’s a self-declared Christian, how does Spring’s alleged theological beliefs line up with his world view, given the edicts regarding travelers in the Bible?

(I’d say poorly, at best.)

For context, let me familiarize you with the passage of Jeremiah 7:5-7: “For if you truly amend your ways and your doings, if you truly act justly one with another, if you do not oppress the alien, the orphan, and the widow, or shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not go after other gods to your own hurt, then I will dwell with you in this place, in the land that I gave of old to your ancestors forever and ever.”

But Spring could care less about such celestial and supposedly unarguable proclamations, for as we’ve seen, he cherry-picks the Word, very much in the same way I do when faced with an unexpected bowl of Chex Party Mix.

In addition, Spring is also woefully uninformed of just what rights immigrants, legal or otherwise do have, the right to apply for asylum being one of them, as he views all non-Caucasians coming to “his” country as nothing less than opportunistic leeches;
As noted, I have yet to see Spring ever post a meme or any form of commentary regarding the demographic of the one-percent who’ve been bleeding American tax-payers dry for decades, but in his limited defense, Spring’s world view is so paranoidly small, I’d fear that any new information attempting to enter it, would crack both he and his psyche wide open, as if it were a dropped egg.   

But here’s the rub: despite proven and verified data that Spring’s racially paranoid fever-dream is just that, he also reserves equal contempt for the persons who do come here legally and find work in the literal fields that bigoted cucks such as Spring would never even take a passing glance at.

And yes, even with all of his slander invalidated, he still whines that he’s the real victim here, and not the problem, which as has already been proven regarding the majority of his claims, is pure unadulterated bullspit:

Jesus F Christ… I know he’s a cravenly bitch to begin with, but is it possible for Spring to stop mewling for even five minutes? Good god, I’ve babysat toddlers who throw less hissy-fits over nothing, and that’s their main form of communication. I do appreciate the irony that as Spring slurs those who speak two languages, he fails consistently to form a coherent thought using the one he grew up immersed in.

I can’t even imagine how Spring must act when he’s begrudgingly allowed to eat out, and discovers to his horror, that not only is the Kitchen staff mostly Latino, but bilingual, to boot. Spring’ bigotry however, is not an uncommon occurrence among the brain-dead masses that comprise the academic-hating base of the GQP, and as fear of the “other” Is literally their bread and butter, Spring’s idiocy is right on brand.

Irrespective of what is actually happening, whether it be abroad, or here at home, the GQP leadership has always needed a scapegoat for its defection circus, and over the decades, no other singular demographic has unwittingly served that purpose better than so-called “illegal” immigrants, whom Spring, in spite of being a self-declared Christian, willingly derides as being nothing less than freeloading leeches.

And just as all men cursed with indistinguishable character tend to do, they look for a solution to the imaginary issue that they themselves created out of their racist hatred for the “other’, and come up with resolutions so intolerable to the concept of what Humanity is supposed to be, that their true colors show through:

In case you were unaware, this meme references the fact that Ron DeSantis, the Governor of Florida, is using taxpayer money to transport undocumented aliens from TEXAS, shipping them off to so-called “Blue” states, without notifying said agencies of those states, that he’s going to do so.

It reminds me of that part in the Bible where Jesus says; “Taketh the hungry and the desperate, make sure to treat them as you would the common most of chattel, and when they find themselves delivered to their unexpected destination, blame those in opposition to your views as being the reason for their arrival and rejoice.”

I’m not sure where that particular passage is located, but I do believe it’s either in the Chronicles of Limbaugh, or maybe even possibly, the ever-so-inspiring Trials of Tucker.

To be clear, DeSantis is not engaging in what has been alleged to be human trafficking because he’s trying to protect Florida [the state he actually oversees] from an influx of the undocumented, he’s doing this as an abominable PR stunt to out-trump Trump, because as a dedicated disciple of the GQP’s inherent racism, he’s attempting to line himself up as the ideal candidate for becoming America’s next Fascist-in-Chief.

And as you’d expect, Spring, being both a faux Christian and an unquestionable racist, is totally fine with it, despite knowing deep down, that those who will put you on a plane for political advantage, will also be equally as comfortable in loading you into a boxcar, for the same.

And when it comes to this attitude, Spring as you’d surmise, is no maverick when faced with the tide of group think, but he does take it up a notch, by once again, amalgamating two entirely unrelated topics, and asserting that they’re not. In this case, Spring merges the issue of illegally trafficked immigrants to Martha’s Vineyard, with the power couple that he can’t abide, that being Michelle and Barack Obama, who just so happen to have a home in MV.

What do these two disparate topics have to do with each other, you may ask?

Not a goddamn thing actually, but as his measured point of debate posted here proves, and quite handily at that, the color of their skin has nothing to do with his dislike whatsoever, hence the reason why Barack’s visage is depicted here in the style of a flyer warning about a runaway slave:Yes… Barack Obama, former President of the United States, who hasn’t held a public office since 2016, is the “reason” why America’s cultural dynamic finds itself rent asunder in current 2022.

It has nothing to do with the lies, racism, misogyny, anti-LGBTQ hysteria, or the consistent wave of violent rhetoric from the Alt-Wrong, it’s all the fault of this uppity supposed member of the Deep State and Muslim Brotherhood who dared as a Black man, to sit in the WHITE House for eight years, as if he deserved to be there. And to be candid, I’m not sure if I’m more offended by the absurdity of Spring’s asinine theorem, or the amateurish quality of the posted sketch.

C’mon, my Alt-Wrong wackadoos- in the future, either bring your “A” for Aaryan game to the proverbial table, or just stay home clashing your white robe and hood collections, because this racist tripe right here, is just lazy-ass presentation, and quite honestly, I expect far better from someone who obsesses this much over their chosen colored boogeyman. But then again, maybe I should give credit to the fact that at least, Spring didn’t post something like this:

What a racist classic. All the tropes are equally represented here: Kool-Ade, fried chicken, and of course, watermelon, because if there’s one thing that the GQP does better than any other political party before or since, it’s the display of cultural sensitivity inherent within its minority outreach program.

But let’s not forget who’s really to blame for imagery like this- it’s the guy who is so annoyingly non-Caucasian, that we couldn’t help but notice, who’s to blame for what the Alt-Wrong is currently attempting to do to this country. And even worse, his wife is cut from the same cloth as he is; smart, cultured, responsible, but to Spring’s horror, it turned out that she was Black as well, and Spring knows just how to deal with that sort of impudence, by calling attention to something she has no creative connection to, or oversight of:As is typical when Spring spews his racial hatred thinly disguised as relevant social commentary, the story within, is typically not the one that he foists upon us at large. Concerning this non-story that Spring is obviously presenting as a slam against the popularity of what he considers to be “woke’ culture, the reality of is narrative, is far less reactionary.

What Spring is gleefully self-pleasuring himself to as we speak, is the cancellation of the anthology series “The First Lady.”  on the cable network known as Showtime. The first season of the anthology series cut between three different eras of the White House, following the political and private lives of Eleanor Roosevelt, Betty Ford, and Michelle Obama.

Overall, the series received a lukewarm response from critics, but it had less to do with the First Ladies represented (as Spring’s post implied) and far more to do with the show’s presentation of said historical figures, a nation expressed by TV critic Caroline Framke, who wrote that; “squeezing their stories together doesn’t just make for confusing television, but does them all a disservice in the process.”

To note, Michelle Obama has nothing to do with the series production, script writing, or even creative in out, past being a character advisor, and calling it “her” show, is akin to calling the character of Hawkeye in “Avengers: The Age of Ultron”, the “heart” of the super-hero team. It’s a nice thought, but it comes from out of nowhere, and makes absolutely no goddamn sense, much like most of Spring’s so-called cultural observations.

But mythical God love him, as no one else will, Spring won’t let the concrete entity of reality get in the way of a poorly crafted false narrative, especially when he can weaponize it to hypocritically slam those persons who are as a rule, his natural superiors at utilizing their capacity for emotional and intellectual understanding:

Other than the fact that as previously noted, the Obama’s maintain a residence in Martha’s Vineyard, the assertions made here are utterly and absurdly false. The couple has never once implied anything racist regarding the test flights to a future Dachau, nor have they said a single word inferring that said bigoted bussing was an unwelcome intrusion into their otherwise serene lives. But the ever-so-racist Spring needs a villain, and who better than the one that’s already serving as the Alt-Wrong’s go-to boogeyman?

When this homage to Kristallnacht started, the Alt-Wrong hierarchy and common faithful, was quick to come out in force to rally around DeSantis, (much to Trump’s disdain), and as is ever so predictable with this cabal of slack-brained jingoistic jackasses, an entire list of excuses and boasts were summarily presented to the massed asses, in order to increase their standing within the political sewage bubble that they so comfortably call home:

For the record, if you ever find yourself wondering whether you’re on the wrong side of both History and Humanity, check to see if Rafael “Ted” Cruz agrees with you, and if so, you’ll have your answer.  But as you move forward within the parameters of your life, now and in the future, never, ever, make the commitment to going full “Ted”. Just don’t do it.

However, when this gambit failed to take root, the GQP simply shifted tactics, and tried another far more odious tactic instead- this time around, they openly jeered that the people who were caught unaware by their inhumane political stunt, weren’t reacting the way they should, with compassion and grace. This opinion of course, hypocritically coming from the very same people who showed absolutely none when they decided to use their fellow human beings as political props:

I won’t speak for you of course, but don’t you just LOVE the unwarranted self-riotousness subtly intertwined within Spring’s multiple posted validations of both his character flaws, as well as his blatantly false adherence to Christian doctrine? Christ, it’s almost as if he thought we needed an accessible self-confession to prove what we already knew. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have the empirical evidence, but it’s not like we actually needed it.

Continuing on in that disingenuously unaware vein, Spring continues to mock the lack of public facilities readily available for the human cargo that his party so callously deposited in MV as if they were nothing more than jingoistic jetsam, deliberately overlooking the fact that shockingly, communities that cater to the ultra-wealthy and the famous, usually don’t have that type of infrastructure set in place, hence the reason why DeSantis and his cravenly cronies, chose it in the first place:

You know… to once again, “own” the Libs, regardless of the reality that they actually didn’t?

I could point out that Texas, where DeSantis so cruelly acquired his political pawns from, does have a number of said services specifically designed for that very singular purpose, but why use those, when there’s an opportunity to prove to the world entire, that you and your party, are the human equivalent of a case of AXE body spray?

But there’s a plot twist (or two) in regards to this story concerning an act of sheer political desperation and cold-heartedness made flesh, and the first kink in their plan is one that the Alt-Wrong truly never saw coming:

That’s right boys and girls, the ultra-rich, the incredibly famous, and the actual humans of MV, dropped whatever it was they were doing, and quickly rendered aid to the unforeseen new arrivals to their otherwise exclusive enclave, providing food, medical assistance, and yes, even lodging, along with sizeable donations of cash, despite Spring’s uninformed as usual, claims..

So please Jimmy Ray, tell me again just whose asses got owned outright? For as far as I can tell, my side seems to still have theirs, even after we so gleefully kicked yours into the gutter, where you and your repulsive ilk, justly belong. However, I did promise you a secondary plot twist, as I try to never renege on my promises unlike the majority of Conservatives, here it is:

Excuse me for one moment, if you please. [Artbitch closes laptop, takes deep breath…]
[Artbitch composes self, opens laptop, starts typing again…]

Dear mythical God, can’t these jackasses do anything even half-right?

I mean… they’re the only group of people that I know of, who not only willingly shoots themselves in the metaphorical face every single time that they try to prove their dominance, they also seemingly, never learn anything beneficial from the experience of doing so. In essence, these maroons are the main reason why toothpaste and Preparation-H still carry usage instructions, because you just know at some point, these idiots confused the two, with the results you’d expect.

Generally, I don’t believe in Karma, as I think her quota is way behind the desired schedule of fulfillment, but I can only imagine what DeSantis and his conservative goons must have thought, when they heard the news that not only did their vile PR stunt hilariously backfire in the manner of a scheme as planned by Wile E. Coyote…

… but now, thanks to the clearly illegal act of trafficking human beings as if Amazon’s CEO was beta-testing a new division based in colonial-era Virginia, the very same people that were casually used as pawns by soulless political opportunists, may in fact, become full-fledged citizens of the United States, capable of voting out the selfsame jacklegs that due to their insidious intervention, caused this theoretical situation to be made an almost definitive certainty, much to the consternation of the Neocons:

[Neocon seen here, contemplating a future of multiple personal lawsuits, state criminal indictments, and the hopefully long list of prosecuted politicians, yet to come.]

In the end, the only resultant benefit from the GQP’s callous circle-jerk, is that as the most monstrous people on this f**ked-up planet hoping to verify that their political opponents were just as detestable as them when faced with a humane crisis, failed to do so in such a spectacular fashion, that not even their most ardent of their punditry puppets could sell it successfully across the board.

Save of course, for a few eternally racist dumbf**ks like Spring, who if he ever harbored an original thought in his otherwise empty head, would eventually see it wither and die, due to intellectual starvation. And if that isn’t the purest essence of Karma kicking in the front door, cracking skulls, taking names, and in general, just being a badass, boys and girls, I really don’t know what else is.

However, there is one last twist to this story of Spring Infernal, and it is a doozy. Despite his cravenly countenance representing as all things White-Winger, Spring himself, is actually of Native American heritage, which makes his unwarranted condemnation of both Latinos and African-Americans, that much more absurd, if not seriously hypocritical:

Look. I’d get it 100% percent if Spring took issue with Caucasians, as we are the reigning champions of on the road genocide, but to be so openly bigoted towards seasonal workers who do the jobs that White people abandoned quite some time ago, as well as the descendants of persons whose ancestors arrived here as forcibly delivered cargo?

That is a seriously f**ked up approach, no matter how you look at it.

But Spring, ever the unaware Janus of Jingoism, doesn’t see it that way, and he’s chosen to express his disingenuous disconnection from reality concerning cultural differences in quite possibly, the worst way a Neocon or any similarly defective human ever could; by weaponizing the literary bane that is poetry.

Really, certainly, actually, truly, categorically, bad poetry.

Think of it this way: if you’ve ever wondered, even for the merest of moments, what it would be like if Walt Whitman’s untalented 2nd cousin Chaz Whitman had a drunken three-way with Dr. Seuss and an atrabilious aardvark, then boy howdy, do I have the poet for you. And the easiest way to find him is at: Spring’s personal poetry website, known as okiepoet.com:

I felt it was only fair to give Spring’s so-called creative endeavors a plug, if only to thank him for all the inadvertent source material that he’s given mine. See? I know how to network, ye certain readers of little faith, and therefore, I think it would be nice to take a break from all of Spring’s well-documented personal awfulness, and enjoy some of his thankfully unknown creative awfulness instead.

No need to thank me. I do it for the love of the craft.
To start us off, let’s delve into this lone entry, taken from Spring’s “Patriotic” section.

“The Y-O-I Bunch”

Many years ago, I married a Yankee lass,
Never thought about the future didn’t care about her Yankee past.

Because the only thing on my mind, was this sweet and pretty one,
That attached herself to my side, and gave me so much fun.

The difference began to surface with some of the food she wanted me to eat,
I thought they smelled kind of funky, she thought it was such a treat.

Then, I had my food, I thought was oh so grand,
But at it she turned up her nose, and said that I can not stand.

 An Okie-Yankee mix is what our kids would have to be,
With Choctaw Indian thrown in to make part three.

They got the best of both, the best we had to give,
So Yankie-Okie-Indian, together we’ll have to live.

©JRS 6-15-99

Dear mythical God, this reads as if a Hallmark card went on a three-day drunken bender with a Hobby Lobby Christian wall sampler, and found itself eventually abandoned within the back discount rack of a Dollar General store. Shocking that his creativity appears to be in line with his intellect, given the fact that his poetic output and cultural worldview, are both seemingly twenty years+ out of date, but let’s take a gander at a few more of his lyrical offerings, if only to assuage my cynicism.

Maybe this one from his “My Early Years” section, will give me some insight as to why Spring is the way he is:

“Not For Free” 

Late one summer on an August day,
My cousin came for a while to stay.

Walter was about twelve, my brother eleven,
I tagged along at about six or seven.

I didn’t know what plans they had,
Just the thought of adventure and I was glad.

We walked and walked down a lonely dirt road,
No signs of life, not even a horny toad.

Finally they stopped at a barbed wire fence,
As they explained the plan, it all made sense.

This one ol’ fence was just no match,
To keep us out of a watermelon patch.

Of course they neglected to tell little me,
The fruit of our labor was not really free!

Although, it didn’t take long to find this out,
As we heard a very loud and angry shout.

Then two big booms and I heard, “Shotgun!”
We dropped our loot and started to run.

We couldn’t get through the fence fast enough,
As those sharp ol’ barbs made it really rough.

No watermelons for all our pain,
But a lesson for sure we did attain.
©JRS 4-2-04

Somewhere, most likely in a faraway place where dogs run free, and homemade apple pies are to be found cooling on windowsills, the ghost of Norman Rockwell can be heard gagging in a corner, after reading this steaming pile of schmaltz so steeped in saccharine Americana, that by comparison, makes the Brady’s come off as if they were the Lannisters from Game of Thrones.

Now, if I were forced to craft a viable location to present the thankfully last poem I’m about to share with you, I’d place it inside the familiarity of a run-down and out of the way country bar, where the deepest of personal regrets and bad decisions meet, and I’d leave it at that. Seriously, if someone out there doesn’t set these words to a Hank Williamsesque dirge replete with a steel guitar, I’m going to be really disappointed.


What do I do when the lovin’ ends?
When your heart is broken and the cryin’ begins?

Do you sit around moping thinking of the past,
Trying to figure out why his love didn’t last?

 Well, stop it girl, you’ve got to let go,
That he broke your heart, he must never know.

Put on a smile and wipe those tears,
Get out of the house and face your fears.

‘Cause there’s no sense whining and wearing a frown,
When love is happening and waiting to be found.

When you meet again, look him in the eye,
Smile really sweet and just say, “Hi!”

Tell him you’d like to chat but you really have to run,
Cause your life is overflowing with things you haven’t done.

Walk quickly away with a sway to your hips,
Let a happy smile caress your lips.

Glance over your shoulder with a twinkle in your eye.
Say, “So long, it’s my turn to say GOODBYE!”
©JRS 11-14-07

So, when it comes to the assessment of Spring’s creative trove of treacly offerings as well as his political opinions, I can only offer this sage observation by the lauded scientist, physicist, and medical doctor with seven Ph.D.’s, Dr. Bruce Banner, who at times, moonlights as the Incredible Hulk:

Now, there is a reason why I decided to cap this screed off with Spring’s excruciatingly awkward poetry, set up against the disconnection from actual reality that he so openly displays, and it is based solely on his abhorrent political views, his allegedly disingenuous faith, and how he views the world entire,

Spring may come off as nothing more than a walking punchline to a joke that nobody finds funny, or even perhaps, as a vile caricature of what modern-day conservatism has become, but that would be an inaccurate, if not arrogant, generalization at best.

In my opinion, humble as it may be, Spring is a simple symptom of a far larger and considerably more virulent social disease, that being sheer willful ignorance, stuffed with religious hypocrisy, seasoned with racism, garnished with anti-LGBTQ sentiment, and served ice-cold, with a side dish of misogyny, unwarranted paranoia, and abject fear of the New and the Other.

The certainty of life is that nobody is a walking cartoon, even if like Spring, their inanely inhumane ideology gives the general impression that they’re at the very least, an ambulatory collection of bumper sticker catchphrases come to life. As the old joke goes; “Hitler was nice to his dogs… right up to the point where he shot one, and then poisoned the other.”

This is not to say that Spring would ever harm a dog, much less himself or for that matter, another person, but I for one, wouldn’t want this hatefully dimwitted demagogue anywhere near my wonderfully diverse community, given his bigotry, his hypocrisy, and his overall inability to accept those that dare to be so proudly and openly different than he.

In essence Spring is a relic. A throwback to an era thankfully passed, and fading into unpleasant sepia-toned memory. A disreputable dinosaur. A spiteful flag-bearer of a cruel ideology, that no longer has a seat at the metaphorical table. Not that it ever deserved one to begin with.

If anything, James Ray Spring should serve as a cautionary tale to us all, concerning just what can happen when one allows themselves to be indoctrinated into a cult of personality founded on fear, hate, gullibility, and unfettered suspicion of the world at large. And while I feel that Spring is unsalvageable, there are others out there just like him, who just might be able to make the trip back to that which is real.

Spring at one point, could have caught that allegorical bus as well, but he was too busy throwing his humanity and so-called allegiance to his faith underneath it, to notice it was departing.


“It may well be that we will have to repent in this generation. Not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people who sit around and say, “Wait on time.”- Martin Luther King Jr.,































Dope Springs Infernal, Part 1. (The Trumpists that Blow.)

“Wayne Michael Reich; I feel fine because I know I’m going to be Raptured and you’re going to burn for Eternity and no amount of denial on your part can change it.” – James Spring, self-declared Oklahoma-based Christian, showcasing the duplicity of his Faith, as no one else can.

 Greetings, Bitchiteers!
Whatever shall we talk about today?

Well, over the last few screeds, I’ve discussed the inanity of politically-based conspiracy theories, examined the illogicality of the pro-Trump movement intertwined within the same, and with my usual thoughtful discretion, dismembered this bumper-sticker ideology, that as a rule, has been distilled through a filter rife with quasi-Evangelical hypocrisy.

As I will come to highlight, using examples set forth by cafeteria Christians, such as the above quoted James Spring and others to be mentioned, the rabbit holes of inane illogicity run far deeper than most realize, and sadly, they have not only consumed the intellect of a number of unfortunate and gullible dullards, but as Spring’s words will demonstrate in time, they’ve consumed their humanity as well.    

And despite the incontrovertible evidence that underpins this assessment of mine, these same purveyors of a puerile faith still maintain that by any measure, their abominableness towards their fellow humans, is wholly approved by the one true God- you know, the deity whose teachings they don’t follow, the writer of the words they do not correctly interpret, and the originator of the lessons that they do not learn from, even at the expense of their own comfort?

This in turn, has led to Spring and his like-minded cultist brethren, most of whom are suffering from a severe case of mango-man-crush, to attempt to validate the inherent ridiculousness of their obviously manufactured celestial deity, by deliberately overlooking those qualities of his, which at best, define him as nothing less than a mercurial sociopath.

Now, while this acerbic assessment of mine could be equally applied to both God, and his GQP anointed successor Donald Trump, I’ll just leave that up to you, my loyal readers, to eventually ascertain which is which, for yourselves.

As expected, such mental moribundity isn’t propelled by the actions of a singular individual, even if like Trumpism, it is the definitive characterization of a Personality Cult. No self-styled supreme leader operates within a total vacuum, as we well know, and regardless of the mango man-child’s overblown Ego, if he didn’t have his slavishly disturbed cheerleaders hyping his name 24/7. he wouldn’t have squat.

But unlike the aesthetically pleasing cheer-leading squad of our high school days, and the out of our league ones usually associated with professional sport teams, these particular hopping heralds of hypocrisy, are no better than the dancers working the lunch shift at that strip club located just outside of town.

You know, the kind of place that’s so skeevy, that if you accidentally dropped your car keys, you’d debate just how much you really needed them, if only to avoid making direct contact with the floor?

And therein, lies the underpinning for today’s literary exploration of America’s continuing investment into playgrounds for the sociopathic. It was once the norm, that if you ever had the misfortune to run into your stereotypical and dimwitted demagogue, you had the options of either walking away, or just willfully tuning them out as you enjoyed your bar-style nachos. But sadly, such is not the case any longer, nor has it been, for quite some time now.

To be fair, it would be relatively easy for myself to paint the fans of Trump, who’s currently representing America as our favorite go-to Fanta-tinted Fascist, as nothing more than an inbred cabal of cravenly, toothless, hateful howler monkeys, but this is most certainly not the case, and quite honestly, it’s also a lazy comparison to make, as well.

After all, even the densest of monkeys knows how to act when they’re around other monkeys outside of their barrel, and I see no need to unwarrantedly slur such fine creatures, by placing them in the same ideological realm as the abominably ignorant ones that constitute the cultural scourge that is Trumpism. To quote the old maxim; “Although it is true that not all Conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative.”

Now, I understand that as a self-described Liberal, such an utterance could (and should) be regarded with a grain of salt, if not a pound, but I’m also fairly confident that not only could I easily prove my theorem with minimal effort, I could do so, using only the evidentiary proof that Conservatives hand out ever so graciously, as if it were tax breaks to the 1%. Or to be more accurate, the rationalizations they concoct to validate the necessity for Trump’s myriad assemblage of crimes, if not his well-documented unethical behavior.

Sigh. Sady, I’m aware that there’s at least one of my conservative fan-stalkers, sitting there all alone in his mom’s garage with only his cellphone and a microwaved Hot Pocket for company, bleating angrily; “What “Crimes” or “Ethical Lapses”, Artbitch?” so here’s the list, both proven, and alleged. Let’s start with lawsuits alleging Constitutional violations during his distractors term as President:

Cases involving the First Amendment: Knight First Amendment Institute v. Trump, CNN v. Trump, WeChat Users Alliance v. Trump, Cases involving the Fifth Amendment: Department of Homeland Security v. Regents of the University of California, as well as New York v. Trump and Vidal v. Nielsen. Case involving an alleged violation of the Fourteenth Amendment: Stone v. Trump. Cases alleged violations of the Foreign Emoluments Clause: CREW v. Trump, D.C. and Maryland v. Trump, Blumenthal v. Trump.

Then there are the lawsuits concerning his executive orders, presidential proclamations and memorandums: City and County of San Francisco v. Trump, City of Chelsea v. Trump, Aziz v. Trump Darweesh v. Trump, Doe v. Trump, Louhghalam v. Trump, Mohammed v. United States, Sarsour v. Trump, Washington v. Trump, Hawaii v. Trump, International Refugee Assistance Project v. Trump, Bhattarai v. Nielsen, Ramos v. Nielsen, East Bay Sanctuary Covenant v. Trump, TikTok v. Trump, Jane Doe v. Trump, Stone v. Trump, Karnoski v. Trump, and ending with, Stockman v. Trump.

And now, let’s address his lawsuits centering around his legal violations, as there’s the matter of his Grand Jury Subpoena regarding the Mueller Investigation, allegations of violating the Presidential Records Act of 1978, and the addition of CREW and National Security Archive v. Trump and EOP,

Not to mention, there’s also the alleged violations of the Federal Advisory Committee Act, leading to the cases’ ACLU v. Trump and Pence, Joyner v. Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity, NAACP v. Trump, to name just a few.

Disturbingly, this isn’t even anywhere near to being a complete list, as at the time of this writing, Trump is facing scores of legal challenges, targeting his business dealings, his finances, his taxes, his charity entanglements, and last, but certainly not least, the hubris-fueled misdeeds of his contemptible presidency, the J6 Insurrection attempt, and his alleged stealing (and possible sale) of classified documents, being at the top of this particular pile of pustulant transgression.

And keep in mind, that this list also omits the numerous alleged claims of slander and defamation, the fraudulent business practices that led to multiple bankruptcies and trump University, as well as the also numerous sexual assault cases that he’s been either keeping at arm’s length for several years, or settling out of court, using hush payments and air-tight NDA’s to keep them off the public’s radar, not that such as we’ve seen, matters to his Goosestep Wives fan club, to begin with.

And just how collectively far gone are these cultists, you query? Well, given all that I just noted, and taking into account what has been streaming non-stop via electronic media, I’d say this posting by one John Venturino Sr, of Scottsbluff, Nebraska, definitely sets the tone for what I’m about to discuss:

You heard it here first, boys and girls, unless of course, you’ve previously heard it repeated ad nauseam on OAN, Breitbart, FOX, and obviously by whatever serves as the screaming voices in Venturino’s otherwise empty head. January Sixth, which saw the Capitol overrun by insurrectionists attempting to overthrow democracy by attempting to stop the verifying of a valid election, was a “peaceful” protest.

All that stuff you saw on TV or Social Media live-stream, where people were attacking cops, chanting “Hang Mike Pence!”, and carrying the flags of Trump and the defeated Confederate states down the hallways of the UNITED STATES CAPITOL, was just window dressing set in motion by the agents of Antifa, BLM, or a legion of space aliens, who were clearly operating under the orders of the Deep State Illuminati, or even perhaps, a far more terrifying, and as yet undiscussed, cabal:

All of these BTW, are strong contenders for the title of the “Real Villains”, according to right-wing wackadoos like Venturino, but as its been a really busy week for me, I have truly no idea who the current crowd favorite is, although for my money, I really do hope it’s the Pentaverate, because as far as secret societies go, you just know that the one run by Canadians, would be by far, one of the nicest to hang out with.

But ol’ Johnny here, isn’t quite done just yet, showcasing his lack of grasp on reality, if not the intrigue of national politics, no siree Bob- he’s got quite the absence of hold as well, when it comes to just how he thinks that the finale of Trump’s Mar-a-Lago telenovela will play out:

A small detail I would like to call attention to here, if I may. If my initial background research into Venturino is correct, he’s currently 62 years old. Now, while I at 53 am no spring chicken myself, I hardly think that anyone under the age of 45, would see either one of us as a credible threat to their personal safety, and that’s with the full understanding of whether we were armed to the teeth, or not.

But mythical God love him, since no one of working intelligence will, Venturino will not allow himself to be dissuaded from this Right-Wing Red Dawn scenario that he’s crafted within his limited acumen, and as you might have expected, it all started with an enemy so dangerous to his sense of faux patriotism, he felt compelled to stand up and say “Not on my watch, you enemy domestic!”

So, you ask, whom is this most dangerous adversary that Venturino seems more than willing to put on camo and strap on ammo, to go up against? Well, probably not whom you expected:

Is it just me, and feel free to tell me if it is, but does it seem like the choices for Republican “enemies”, is getting less impressive as Time marches forward? I mean… they started off with the Anti-fascist and BLM, movements, and now, have found themselves reduced to complaining about cartoons (more on that in a bit) and sexagenarians with lung cancer.

Damn. How the mighty on their high horses, have fallen. And yet, we’re supposed to believe in their fever-dream that these mental midgets are going to “take back”: America, when they can’t even take a tasteless joke to start with?

As I noted, my newest BFF wrapped snugly in his ideologically delusional camo, truly feels an armed skirmish for America’s soul is on the way, which in and of itself, is kind of ironic, considering that he willingly sold his, to a mango-tinted Antichrist, quite some time ago. And I might add that he did so, for no profit whatsoever.

But that’s the way you can truly own the Libs, boys and girls, by sacrificing your principles for a red hat made in China, and the mercurial approval of the World’s Angriest Creamsicle. But this festering rot within Venturino’s character aside, he does possess the insight of just how this supposed Civil War, undertaken to protect the fascist whims of a mango Mussolini, will kick off, and just who will start it

My unfortunate misspelling of the word “people” aside, my retort highlights that while its been quite some time since I’ve owned a gun, or a number of guns for that matter, at no point do I ever recall the ammunition for said armaments, becoming independently sentient and taking the initiative to secure my overall safety.

And when it gets right down to the brass tacks of Venturino’s concept, I honestly do hope that nobody’s actually working diligently on developing that kind of technology either, because:

But Venturino, sad to say, isn’t alone in his cultish adherence to the thought of an impending Civil War between actual Americans, and the cravenly cesspool of failed Humanity that he and so many others of his paranoiac ilk represent, for just as a shark’s mouth has rows of replacement teeth ready to exchange themselves for those that have fallen or been knocked out, the Alt-Right has its own disposable assets as well.

And with that lead-in, let me introduce you now, to one Lance Klafeta, who is in tandem, a staunch conservative, a proud MAGAt, of Germanic descent, and at first glance, is seemingly, nuttier than a batch of my Oma’s classic Nussgebäck:

Klafeta, a resident of Albuquerque, NM, also just so happens to be, the President of the Edelweiss am Rio Grande German-American Club, also based in the same, and whose publicly stated objectives are [my paraphrasing] as follows; the promotion and maintenance of, (but not limited to) traditional German-American customs and events, to help its members to generate and maintain fellowship through group activities and Gemuetlicheit, which for the uninitiated, is “a state or feeling of warmth, friendliness, and good cheer”.

However, when you remember that you just read a social media post wherein Klafeta just called for the wholesale slaughter of legislators, his lauding of such, seems a tad bit disingenuous, to my ears, or if I want to stay on brand with my Teutonic theme, it’s “unaufrichtig”, at best.

The other announced goals of Klafeta’s Boys from Brazil support group include; “the advancement of good German-American relations, to form associations with other like-minded organizations, the encouragement of youth activities, and the sustaining of a clean and dignified atmosphere in all club activities.”

Now, I don’t want to sound alarmist, but I think we all remember what happened the last time a bunch of community-orientated Germans with similar ideas, all got together over a plate of Bratwurst and flagons of beer to discuss what could be accomplished with just the right amount of creative publicity, but I’ll digress for now, if only to flesh out my narrative regarding Klafeta’s political leanings, which to be fair, can be somewhat troubling:  

Yes, you did read that right- Donald J. Trump, serial adulterer, Sunday golfer, con-man, cravenly liar, alleged traitor, admitted predator of women, wisher of well upon pedophiles, whore-monger, and the guy who once autographed Bibles for Alabamans tornado survivors without the merest trace of self-referential irony, is “fighting” a Satanic global cabal, as the chosen Champion of Christ.

I know that God is rumored to work in “mysterious ways”, as evidenced by Ecclesiastes 11:5, which says;  “As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all”, but does that also imply, that he likes to also work in ways that are nothing less than retarded as well, too?

Because if so, anointing Trump to serve as your victor is an act of self-hating administrative creativity on par with whomever invented Shoe Umbrellas, as well as the corporate machination that is Mc Donald’s, green-lighting the development of the Frork.

And yes, not only should you Google both of those products when you get the chance, you need to do the same with the awesomeness that is the art of Chindōgu that obviously inspired all three of these unfortunate impositions upon the world. Just trust me on this, and I can assure you, that you will not be disappointed.

My flippancy notwithstanding, I, as a proud first-generation son of Germany, would normally be on board with my fellow Landsmann (as it were) in defending our new Vaterland, if not for the fact that our approach to doing so, differs somewhat. For instance, I believe in the democratic process, underpinned and fortified by both voting and legislative action, but my fellow Kraut in Arms, Klafeta here, has a slightly different take in regards to how America should handle its personal business:

Far be it from me to tell Klafeta how to go about his day, but I would suggest that if your culture has quite the bad reputation in relation to their previous attempts at cornering the market on enforced sleepaway camp franchises, the referencing of such, might just be considered a tad bit ill-advised by your promotional division.

Just saying. And as to the normally vile comment I scribed concerning Klafeta’s weight? Well, I can only offer the following justification, in my otherwise limited defense: 

This. Just this. With no due respect, am I supposed to believe without reservation, that this waddling pile of wackadoo Weißwürste, is a vital component within the Vanilla Vanguard of Militia-ocrity that’s intent on reclaiming America back from the dual ravaging scourges that are Logic and Humanity?

While I have no definitive knowledge of Klafeta’s abilities in regards to his interpersonal combat skillset, I’m also fairly confident, that the only way this land-based Orca could fatally injure someone, is if he accidentally tripped over his own two fat feet, and landed on them. 

If I ever found myself in a face to multiple chins confrontation with this Fettarsch, I’d be secure in the knowledge that all I need do to defeat him, would be to either climb a set of stairs, ask him to read the first page of a science book, or in a finishing move, throw a Family-sized salad at him. And I say this, as someone who is unabashedly, a HUGE fan of his selfie.

Just look at it. If you saw this jolliest of Bavarian bouncing balls coming towards you at Oktoberfest, not only would you take his recommendations for the best Vanillekipferln tent at face value, you’d happily don lederhosen, and join him on stage to dance the Schuhplattler, as well. Don’t lie. We all know you would, because so would we.

However, having the foreknowledge that our contrarian Aryan here, is seemingly excited by the notion of reopening the exit-less day spas of his heritage for enemies real and supposed, does tend to put quite the chill on that overall good vibe somewhat, does it not? But as it is with most of these lard-balls of lunacy, their inherent and ignorant destructiveness, goes far beyond just fantasies of violent ideological validation- there’s also the fantastical absurdity of how their New World Disorder should be administrated:

Before you start sniping, I do realize that this is a joke. Granted, its not a clever, intelligent, or even funny joke, but it does qualify as a joke nonetheless, despite its manufacture by a waddling cautionary tale regarding the ill-advised birthing of a land-whale that’s ostensibly into fascist cosplay. But for now, let’s set all of that to the side, so we can look at Sigmund Sauerkraut’s disturbingly vapid take on modern-day politics.

Obviously, Klafeta’s choice for President of Dunderworld, is going to be the currently disgraced boiled ham wearing a wig, Donald J. Trump, but who are the rest of the people in his nattering neighborhood, exactly?

To start, Marjorie Taylor Greene, is an American [in designation only] politician who has served as Georgia’s14th congressional district representative since 2021, and who also, just so happens to be a full-blown conspiracy theorist as well, espousing a wide range of maniacally insane conjectures, ranging from Jewish Space Lasers being utilized to start forest fires in America, to the infamous QAnon-inspired abomination, known as “Frazzledrip” , which started circulating among these insipids around May of 2018.

The conspiracy inanely proposes that Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin a former Clinton aide, were willingly videotaped participating in a Satanic blood sacrifice ritual, wherein the duo sexually assaulted a bound child, before surgically removing said child’s face, so that it could be worn as a mask. However, in a final plot twist, this insane as f**k Saw homage, goes one further, and alleges that Clinton then ordered that the police officer who found the footage, was to be assassinated, in order to keep the whole thing under metaphorical wraps.

Apparently, while Clinton’s hit squad did get the job done, her marketing team on the other hand, obviously dropped the ball, especially if the intellectually slack-hole that is MTG, was able to put two and two together without the help of her supervisory care aide. But ironically, since MTG did once call for current speaker Nancy Pelosi to be executed for imaginary “Treason”, I can see why Dieter the Dough-boy here, gave her the hypothetical job.

After all, slaying someone who is in your way of getting to the top, is a time-honored German tradition, I just always assumed it would be done by someone who didn’t have such a consistently strong track record of shooting themselves in the face.

Klafeta’s next dream pick for his fantasy fraudball league, is one Rand Paul, who is at this time, the junior U.S. senator from Kentucky. In office since 2011, Paul is the end result of what happens when the nefariously concocted plan of two first cousins’ intent on thwarting their family tree from ever having branches, is allowed to play out to its unnatural conclusion.

As you’ve come to expect, Paul is as ethically challenged as any other current GQP member, having been involved in an insider trading scandal involving his wife in 2021, the details of which, he did not disclose until close to a year and a half after the deadline to do so, had passed.

Paul is also infamous for his cavalier attitude during the initial stages of the COVID-19 crisis, where despite the obvious danger to others, and while he was still awaiting his later positive test results, he still attended group lunches with his contemporaries, used the Congressional-access elevators within the Capitol, held conferences in close contact with the Press, and continued to work out in the puzzlingly still-open Senate gym.

Add in his transparently staged showboating for the camera interactions with Dr. Anthony Fauci, the lauded physician-scientist and immunologist serving as the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, as well as being the Chief Medical Advisor to the President, and it’s fairly obvious where this odious ophthalmologist turned dimwitted demagogue, has placed his so-called priorities.

And did I mention that his former 2010 campaign manager, Jesse Benton, was once indicted in 2016 on multiple counts, including conspiracy to solicit and cause an illegal campaign contribution by a foreign national? Nope, you say?

Well, don’t worry your pretty little heads about it, as Trump pardoned him in December of 2020, and I’m 100% confident that Paul’s slavish deference to Trump, such as calling for the repeal of the Espionage Act, which could be used to prosecute Trump if he’s found guilty, wasn’t his way of paying him back, for doing so.

Sure, maybe he’s never made a big show of his opposition to it, despite voting against the measure that Trump signed into law in 2018, increasing penalties for absconding with classified material from a maximum of one year to five years, but that doesn’t mean anything, right? He probably just woke up one morning, just a few coincidental days after the Mar-a Lago raid, and thought to himself, as we all most certainly must have done at some point; “Gee, I think it’s really unfair to hold an ex-President accountable for committing an act of alleged Espionage”.

In fact, Paul, who as just noted, has never once shown any defined antagonism toward this vitally necessary law for the protection of our country’s most sensitive state secrets, found the situation at hand so infuriating, that he couldn’t stop himself from tweeting about it:Damn. That’s a strong (albeit hypocritical) stance, considering that I don’t recall seeing, hearing, or reading one dissenting opinion out of this sniveling grandstanding weasel’s camp, regarding the (according to his own words) “abuse” of this law to prosecute and eventually convict such persons as Thomas Drake, a former NSA official, who was prosecuted for interacting with a journalist for the Baltimore Sun, concerning the NSA’s Trailblazer project, an inland surveillance program.

I’m pretty sure that Shamai Leibowitz, who was an FBI translator at the time of his legal troubles, and who was penalized with 20 months in prison for sharing FBI wiretap intel with a blogger, would have appreciated Paul’s opinion regarding the EA, if only he had volunteered it, when appropriate. And let’s not overlook. Former CIA officer John Kiriakou, indicted for giving a reporter classified intel regarding not only the identity of a covert agent, but whom also revealed to the world entire, the CIA’s abominably inhuman use of waterboarding as a tool of interrogation.

Where was Paul and his faux outrage then?

And while his father Ron Paul, (a former U.S. rep for Texas) did express admiration for the actions of Bradley (now Chelsea) Manning, an Army private who provided a quarter-million classified documents to purported whistleblower website WikiLeaks, Rand himself, had a far different opinion, saying at a Caro University event in 2013, that:

“There do have to be laws to protect some secrets. I think if you’ve got the, you know, the plans on how to make a nuclear bomb that is a state secret. If you give that to the enemy, that is being treasonous. Even if you reveal it, you just have to have laws against that. What Manning did was just willy-nilly, just released millions of pages of things and I think some people have said there is potentially some harm from that. You know individual agents that could have been killed or put at risk from this. So there is a problem with that. So I just can’t support that.”

This past commentary however, is somewhat removed from what he alluded to, when asked about his current public stance regarding the EA, fresh on the heels of the M-A-L raid conducted by the FBI, which caught Trump small orange-handed, in illegal possession of classified documents. Transparently avoiding the albatross that is Trump’s act of alleged arrogant espionage, all Paul had to say was the following

“We have had people who have been whistleblowers- probably the most well-known whistleblower we’ve had is Edward Snowden.… He showed people that the American government was breaking the law, that they were retrieving all of our information. And so, for a long time, I thought the Espionage Act is something that could be used to stifle dissent and freedom of speech.”

As you may have surmised however, the issue with Trump’s illegal possession of classified documents, has nothing to do with the thorn-laden issue of Free Speech, and everything to do with the far easier to diagnose reality of alleged treason, so Paul’s reticence to answer the question directly, is both understandable, if not openly telling.

After all, what kind of cravenly lackey outside of the literary character known as Renfield, would willingly admit to being so? Paul is just another toady doing what he’s told, in exchange for the hope that one day, Trump will say nice things about him to Sean Hannity, and that’s it.

However, in relation to my dissection of our bloviating Bratwurst’s list of alleged luminaries, his next candidate, the former Marine Lt. Col. Stuart Scheller Jr., is a bit of a puzzler. For starters, Scheller’s only a “former” Marine, due to his very public act of calling for accountability from leadership, both military and political, as well as current and past, concerning conduct related to the pointless war in Afghanistan

Talking about his reservations, Scheller Jr, noted it as thus: “The reason so many people are upset on social media right now is not because the Marine on the battlefield let someone down, people are upset because their senior leaders let them down, and none of them are raising their hands and accepting accountability or saying, ‘We messed this up.’”

For taking this bold and dare I say, accurate stance, Scheller Jr. was jailed as a “flight risk”, an assessment he vehemently denies, and eventually court-martialed, receiving a general discharge under honorable conditions, the lowest allowed under the conditions of his plea deal, which in my opinion, was more to soothe the politically bruised egos of those in charge, rather than for any form of misconduct on Scheller Jr’s part.

So, with this one, no jokes no sarcasm. Instead, I will say thank you for your service and dedication to duty, sir. I’m just not sure how you got on the list, having a sense of personal integrity and all. My guess, is that Dieter the Bavarian dipstick here, misinterpreted your actions, and felt he should laud you for the wrong reason.

Semper Fi. Oorah.

But now, we come to the cherry-picked Candyass on top of Klafeta’s undercooked Gugelhupf, and it is a doozy, as you have already read: Kyle Rittenhouse, the acquitted murderer and wannabe militiaman, to serve as the Secretary of Defense.

Yes, it’s an obvious joke on Klafeta’s part, but it also isn’t. Kyle, ever so wittily monikered as “Kyle Cleaninghouse”, by the sociopaths that comprise the modern-day GQP, is best known for taking an AR-15 he should not have possessed, going to a city he had no connection to, and claiming that he was only there to provide “protection from rioters”, even though he had no training or legal authority to do so, as he was only 17 at the time.

What this overgrown man-child did accomplish however, was the cold-blooded murder of two protestors, and heinously blowing the arm off a third, before attempting to leave the scene of carnage that he had fomented, as if he had just finished a Happy Meal, and needed to get home and play with the toy he had just been gifted with.

And while he cried crocodile tears like a bitch on the stand during his sham of a trial…

… he had previously and quite openly, displayed a far less remorseful and somber attitude as he was galivanting about his hometown in public, after being unconscionably allowed the privilege of walking around on bail, seemingly without a care in the world:

Yup. That’s Klafeta’s favorite little murderer for the Alt-Wrong, posing for selfies, wearing a T-shirt that says “Free as Fuck”, and acting as if he had just won the state football championship single-handedly, which to his fellow sociopathic loser fan club, he just kind of had. See, for all their talk of “Law and Order”, today’s Conservative movement sees the equitable application of such, as wildly inconvenient for their agenda.

Case in point:

Yes indeed, no better way to showcase your infinite respect for law and order, than by attacking cops wholesale, pillaging a government institution engaged in certifying a valid election, threatening the people who work inside it with grave physical harm or even Death, and doing so, not based on some legitimate claim of political corruption, but because your mango man-crush, didn’t want to leave the position that he proved himself unworthy of holding, since his first day in office.

Now, while the sane still walking among us correctly call this an obvious attempted coup, the Alt-Wrong instead, chooses to refer to it as no more than a “peaceful protest”, and blames the resultant violence of their deliberate actions, on imaginary enemies, as a deflection from obsessively documented Realty.

Whether they wish to admit it or not, the GQP has become a Death-cult of the highest order, and regardless of the topic at hand being discussed, albeit immigration or abortion, their metaphorical streets are always stained crimson with the blood of their self-invented foes. Of which, there are seemingly many, according to the endless litanies put forth by these paranoid Mayonnaise Milkshakes.

So, Kyle here, is a natural fit for a dimwitted demographic that thinks it can overthrow the government using memes, the power of red Chinese-made hats, and a supply of dollar-store zip-ties.

I won’t speak for you of course, but if I were afraid of everyone and everything that I couldn’t condescend to understand, I doubt strongly that I’d be putting myself out there as a revolutionary for the working class, especially if my political support was placed squarely in the camp that goes out of its way to inflict the moist painful damage upon it.

Where there was once the chance of Centrism existing within the Conservative cabal, those days and that hope, are long gone, as Extremism rules the day, and the only way to succeed as a Republican candidate, is to embrace this demonic ideology with open arms, if not a corrupted soul.

Keep in mind, if you would, these jackasses are the very same people that think sending the undocumented to liberal cities, is somehow “owning the Libs”, when all it actually does, is once again prove that these Fascist f**kheads, are always on the wrong side of both history and humanity.

Oh no, Trumpers, you helped inadvertently, reaffirm that across the board, and on almost every level, that we’re far better people than you. I have no idea how we’ll ever overcome carrying the weight of a good and noble reputation based on personal decency and transparent morality.

But then again, as they did imbue a mentally-deranged future headline with influence both undeserved and untenable, maybe watching them implode as it dawns on them that they’ll never be more than a walking punchline to the intellectuals who will still rule over them, is something we should just sit back and enjoy in the end.

Because mythical Lord knows, if they put stock in the delusion that Kyle is going to be their Great White Hope, it’s going to be a far worse letdown than when they placed all their faith in a bigoted Oompa-Loompa, who unfortunately for their cause, turned out to be rabid as well.

As for Klafeta’s last asinine offering, that being “no one” should be the Secretary of Education, I can’t say that I’m all too surprised, as the current one, Dr. Miguel Cardona, is exactly the type of person Conservatives loathe: college educated, (natch) community orientated, highly respected, and (GASP!) Puerto Rican in heritage.

A former teacher, principal, and district administrator from Connecticut, Cardoza is regarded by his former colleagues for his adeptness at solving problems, rather than creating them, as his successor, the truly reviled Betsy DeVos, was apt to do. Given all that, it’s easy to see why a fan of Fascist cosplay, such as Klafeta seems to be, would want that particular position to remain unstaffed.

Multiple scientific studies have shown that when it comes to the level of one’s personal education, the more learned that you are, the higher the odds that you’re going to lean politically Liberal, and that’s what the majority of  the GQP leadership truly fears at the end of the day: smart people turning into well-informed voters with critical thinking skills.

Think about it. Imagine proudly being in a party that wants to ban the teaching of your own culture’s history, because it’s so terrible in its scope of monstrosity, that any attempted defense of it, would seem far worse. Not to mention, what political movement in this country is behind the majority of measures restricting the rights of its fellow citizens, so as long as they’re not straight White Christian men?

It sure as f**k, isn’t the one that wants to forgive $10K in student debt, and when compared to the one that instead, drafted a law (Texas SB-8) that allows private citizens to file a civil lawsuit against anyone who knowingly “aids or abets” an abortion, for the possibility of being awarded the same amount in supposed “damages”, the question of just who the good guys really are, truly isn’t that hard to figure out.

Add to that vehemently unconstitutional pile of Puritanism, the reality that Conservatives still go out of their way to ban and burn books in an age where such can be instantaneously downloaded to your phone, just goes to strengthen my inherent belief, that these totalitarian twats have absolutely no goddamn idea what f**king century they’re currently living in.

All jokes aside though, I do feel bad for Klafeta, somewhat. The melancholy he must feel being born far too late for an era when Brownshirts were all the fascism… oops, I meant to say “fashion”, but you get the idea. Regardless of my Freudian slip, it still must be one heck of a mental weight for him to carry, balanced against the physical mass he’s already dealing with

Nevertheless, I am curious what Klafeta might actually wear to a Trump rally, and whether or not he’d be able to find his chosen outfit in the “morbidly obsess stereotype” size so popular with that ilk. But I also have to ask if you might be thinking like I do, if he has no choice but to buy the basic tent kit, and do all the necessary alterations himself. A question for another time, methinks.

Now, I am aware that I’ve made more than a few none too subtle references to latent Nazism, seemingly based on nothing more Klafeta’s heritage, and intolerantly dense commentary, but as I tend to be a stickler for backing up my sarcasm, let me now explain just why I’ve done so.

And as the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words:

On the surface, this seems like a fairly innocuous picture, right? Just a jovially fat German guy, at some sort of formal-dress event, openly wearing, as his friend noted, a “Knight’s Cross with Oak Leaves”.

So, what, you say? Well, here’s what. For the record, a Knight’s Cross of the Iron Cross, or as it’s known in the German vernacular, a “Ritterkreuz des Eisernen Kreuzesand”, represents the highest awards given in the military and paramilitary forces that served Germany during the second World War… when it was governed by NAZIs. You know, the bad guys from “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, and the go-to comic relief in almost every Mel Brooks comedy ever made?

Some background context: the last official presentation of the Knight’s Cross with its characteristic swastika placed within its center, was decreed to take place no later than 23:01 (11:01PM) Central European Time, on May 8th, 1945, due to Germany’s surrender to the Allied forces, although there was an instance of one being awarded as late as June 17th, 1945.

In 1957, a replacement Knight’s Cross of the Iron Cross, with an oak leaf cluster in lieu of the swastika, was solely designated for World War II KCIC recipients, after being greenlit by the Bundesrepublik Deutschland, and which is, I’m assuming, the variant that Klafeta is wearing, most likely in honorarium of a family member who is now deceased, or fell in service during the war.

And yes, while I am sadly aware that some of Germanic lineage wear the KCIC as a symbol of (non-militarized) nationalistic pride, it’s still a bad look, akin to waving a Confederate flag to show you’re from the Deep South, or displaying a “Trump 2024” flag in your front yard, in a failed attempt to dissuade your neighbors from thinking that your mother and sister are more than likely, the very same person.

To be clear, I am in no way, shape, or form, implying, inferring, or strongly suggesting, that Klafeta harbors any deep or respectful love for the NAZI ideology in general, despite his sporting one of its most recognizable icons, but to be fair, he does seem to display a fondness for utilizing some of its finer propaganda points as well, concerning his absurdist takes on this, our modern age.

I guess what they say is true after all; “You can take the junge out of the Sturmabteilung, but you can’t take the Sturmabteilung out of the junge.”

But I am confident about one thing, and it this- when it comes to the gift of being granted a working intellect, Klafeta was obviously standing in the wrong line during the time when it was being handed out, and nobody bothered to tell him.

And if you think that’s a tad harsh on my part, try this commentary on for size:

Damn. That’s a whole new level of stupid, is it not?

I get not wanting to accept reality. I get not wanting to accept a humiliating defeat. And I totally understand not wanting to accept potential irrelevancy. But as a proud descendent of Germany myself, I also understand that swearing open allegiance to a histrionic and cravenly man-child, with delusions of grandeur and a taste for creating scapegoats out of minorities, rarely works out well for us, as a rule.

Just saying, Lance.

Leaving our Bavarian bouncing ball of alleged bigotry behind, we now find ourselves standing on the metaphorical doorstep of one James Ray Spring, an Oklahoman and undeservedly proud MAGAt, who dispenses hateful rhetoric as if he were a PEZ dispenser sent straight from the bowels of Hell itself.

In a sense, pairing Spring with the machinations of Hell is just a tad bit ironic, because along with his slavish devotion to the mango-tinted bronzed calf that is Donald J Trump, Spring is also a self-declared Christian, as well. I say “self-declared”, because given his social, political, and spiritual point of view, no true person of faith would allow him anywhere near one of their church services, much less the deity he purportedly worships.

Why is this? For that, I must turn to the Good Book itself for the answer. From 1 John 4:20; “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” Spring not only openly hates his allegorical brothers, as well as their relations and offspring, but he’s also perfectly fine cherry-picking the Word to justify his spitefully applied misinterpretations of it, to boot.

In Spring’s world, he’s always the victim of godless heathenism, which wants nothing less than to render the very fabric of America itself asunder, and then, offer up the remnants of what was once a proud republic, to the dark and demonically inspired forces that machinated its demise.

You know. The usual stuff we all deal with, from time to time? Well, count yourself as lucky if it’s a random occurrence in your life, because for Spring, who obsesses over a wide spectrum of unconnected topics ranging from conspiracies to atheism, it’s a protracted battle with certified Reality almost every day:

Right from the start, I have some strong reservations about this post, as I highly doubt that there’s an organized consortium of American teenagers who openly support a treasonously dimwitted septuagenarian such as Trump is, and Spring’s inferred belief in what has come to be called “the Big Lie” in reference to the 2020 election, is just the inane icing on an overly flatulent cupcake.

Before I dive in to the disingenuous cesspool that substitutes for Spring’s undersupplied intellect, I want to share some details with you regarding what it takes to compose my acerbic assessments such as they are. The main key is deep dive research regarding who or what I’m going to be writing about, using the resources of social media, mass media, and even sometimes, direct conversations with those in the know.

And if I’m successful in my quest for verified info, I, and my chosen subject, wind up with an obsessively organized folder that looks somewhat like this:

This is how I do what I do: all of the data I collect, regardless of the final amount gathered, gets separated into its singular commonality, both for easier future retrieval and dissemination to my readership, and so that nothing gets disjointedly mixed up with anything else.  

For when you gain unfettered access to a hypocrisy-spewing cornucopia of sarcastic writer’s gold, such as Spring provides ever so consistently, you definitely need your inherent OCD to stay on point, for as you can see, the reservoir of ridiculousness, can top itself off rather easily:

In case you can’t tell, this screenshot is of the fodder marked “God’, in which Spring’s hypocritical observations are stored and catalogued. At the present time, (9/28/2022) it contains over 330 items, and if you recall, is only one of ten that I’ve assembled to house his asinine assertions.

In fact, Spring has sort of become by default, the male version of past Artbitch scratching post and fellow faux Christian, Ruth Darlene Seawolf, who may just face a serious challenger to retain her title of Queen of the Cafeteria Christians, despite being a featured subject within these pixilated pages, more than once. [Check the Artbitch Archive].

And why is that? Well, while Seawolf’s folder is divided up into the categories of God, (She’s a religious hypocrite) Health, (She’s an anti-maker) Social Issues, (She’s a closet Puritan) and politics, (Quite literally, one of the areas where she’s dumber than New Mexico dirt) it only contains 160 files in total

But Spring’s? Even when judged by my overly exacting standards, it’s still truly impressive:

Ten folders. Over 950 examples of Spring openly ranting about everything from imaginary voter fraud, to his disdain at the very existence of Transpeople. And all of it, foisted upon our society, by a hypocritical false lamb, using the odious masquerade of faith as a sanctimonious shield. Which, even as an avowed Atheist, I find morally reprehensible beyond the pale.

And keep in mind, if you will, that my culling his FB profile for inadvertent comedy, represents less than an hour of my time, spread throughout an average diurnal. Even at its most casual, just dropping in on his mental mendacity that he’s decided to devote himself to that day, makes doing so a breeze.

When it comes to ignorantly hateful bigotry and hypocrisy forming itself into a walking analog for a sentient urinal cake, I couldn’t have found a better example than Spring, unless I were to order a custom one out of a catalogue that caters to the manufacture of cravenly conservatives. But in relation to writing about him, where do I even start, as there’s just so much to work with? Truly, a daunting road lay ahead.

To that end, my sardonic sense of sarcasm is starting to get the idea that maybe, just maybe, I need to split James in twain. Metaphorically that is, and not literally, as the latter is illegal pretty much everywhere, even if you can somewhat defend why it was necessary to do so. No, in order to protect my developing story-arc, if not my sanity, I’d suggest that much like James himself, we focus on them in order of applied ignorance, over that of implied importance.

Therefore, I say that to start us off, we stick with what I initially opened up Spring’s tale with, that being the wonderfully paranoid world where his conspiracy theories are taken as gullible gospel:

I hate to say it, but this actually represents some progress whereas interaction with conservatives is concerned. It once was that everyone that they didn’t like, fell under the auspice of Godwin’s Law, which states that as an online discussion grows longer and more heated, (irrespective of topic or scope), finding oneself compared to either Nazis or Adolf Hitler will be an unavoidable eventuality.

Now, before you start reminding me that I just spent a few lines painting a Bavarian bigot as being associated with more than just a few aspects of Nazism, I’d offer the retort that I wasn’t the one who brought up “education camps”, espoused anti-immigrant views, or was pictured wearing the very symbol of NAZI military might, albeit one that was redesigned, due to its horrendous origin, so please get off my back, if you would.

However, like most fans of the classics, Spring isn’t above reaching into his personal way-back bag of non sequiturs, in a blatantly desperate attempt to deflect attention away from the obvious, especially when he’s confronted with a reality that he can’t defend against, using credible facts:

So, given this type of response to an event that is beyond debate as to what actually occurred, it stands to reason that since Spring’s party is rife with sexual deviants, his long-practiced gambit to slander all who oppose his ignorance, as being nothing less than an organized cabal of dedicated pedophiles, would be engaged fully.

But what’s the reality of this claim, targeting not only the expected politicos, but the numerous progressive corporations such as Disney, that’s eagerly promoted at the drop of a Chinese-made MAGA hat? In all honesty, when it comes to sex scandals, Dems are a randy little bunch to be sure, but so are the Repubs, and aver the last few years, the GQP has seen quite the uptake in sex scandals associated with pedophilia, while Dems on the other hand, seemingly can’t stop cheating on their wives.

In fact, when it comes to having been charged with, or convicted for, sexually-related offenses, ranging from child sex trafficking, to possession of child pornography, the GQP has definitely taken the lead.

Hypocritically, while they scream to the sky about the scourge of pedophilia rampantly occurring among their enemies, both real and imagined, they deliberately overlook the cancerous malevolence presently ensconced relatively safely within their own house.

To note, there have been no less than 11 of Trump’s political associates, going down for the aforementioned crimes above, and it’s a list that includes; Ruben Verastigui, Ronald Williams II, Adam Hageman, Caleb Bailey, George Nader, Ralph Shortey, Tim Nolan, Ben Gibson, Richard Ciccarella, and Anton Lazzaro, to name just a few,

And yet, when faced with these transparent examples of their own duplicitousness, the GQP’s communal base, whom Spring so perfectly represents, find themselves collectively unable to text, tweet, or post a single word about it. Weird, that.

Nevertheless, Spring has a lot to say when it comes to assumed sexual deviancy, such as he’s accused Disney of, and he isn’t afraid to share his opinions, no matter how homophobic, paranoiac, or batshit crazy, they may appear to be:

I have to admit, I did get something wrong here. The estimated box office take (at the time of this screed) for “Lightyear” was estimated to be 226.4M, but unfortunately, its budget was supposedly 200M, so if one has a basic understanding of net cost to profit, the movie while unique, was a flop. But not for the reason (a brief onscreen gay kiss) that Spring was gleefully fixating on, as seen in this additional posting of his:

If I may, let me correct a few major details in Spring’s wholly homophobic misinterpretation of actual reality, or in this case, his wackadoo preoccupation with an animated character. First, Disney did not get “rid of” Tim Allen, because this film’s Buzz Lightyear, is a totally distinctive departure from the “Toy Story” version we’ve known for over two and a half decades.

Irrespectively, taking elation in misfortune, seems to the main hobby of Conservatives these days, if only to push their false narrative that such depressive occurrences are due to the influence of “woke” culture, which as we all know by now, has the same effect on conservatives’ sense of self, as Kryptonite condoms have on Superman’s ability to confidently nail Wonder Woman.

The producer of “Lightyear” Galyn Susman, even clarified this potentially confusing issue for fans of the beloved franchise, stating in an interview, that; “People were having a hard enough time wrapping their heads around this. So really, we needed the toy in the ‘Toy Story’ universe to be its own thing. Tim Allen is Buzz Lightyear the toy. Chris Evans is Buzz Lightyear, the superhero from that movie that inspired the toy.”

Now for those of us whose brains actually still work the way they were designed to do, this explanation is more than sufficient, to elucidate quite literally, what the movie is all about. And due to it being an unexpected and far more serious take on what has become a revered POP culture icon, that’s where the fatal flaw lies, which has NOTHING to do with its inclusion of a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it, gay kiss.

But whereas Spring is overly concerned, the failure for such, must be centered squarely on a chaste kiss between two married gay characters, because um… morals and stuff, I guess?

It’s enough to make you sick. Especially if you’re a f**king hateful faux Christian hypocrite like Spring, who it could be charitably debated, spends far too much of his personal free time thinking about unseen gay Sex between imaginary cartoon characters. You know, the way that most SEVENTY-THREE-YEAR-OLD ALLEGEDLY STRAIGHT, WHITE CHRISTIAN MALES, TEND TO DO?

Nothing to unpack there, kids. One hundred percent normal, no matter how you slice it. And the fact that both characters are gay women of color, played no part whatsoever in Spring’s decision to be offended by a move that he’s obviously never watched.  Oh yes… did I forget to mention that along with being an alleged Cafeteria Christian, Spring also likes to dabble in racism and misogyny as well? Oops. My bad.

It must have slipped my mind, what with all the other terrible flaws of his character that I’m going to be addressing within this two-part screed. My sincerest apologies all around, and I promise that I will circle back to these two topics before our time together is done. Pinky swear.

Unfortunately, Spring is not alone in his delusion that America is being besieged by a queer cabal, as there are many others who also truly believe (for infamous exposure anyway) that “Lightyear” was a planned set-up to not only indoctrinate America’s children into becoming fabulously glittered free-spirits, but was crafted specifically, to “target” America’s newest wannabe fascist, Florida governor and full-time Trump 2.0 cosplayer, Ron DeSantis, no less:

I have to tell you, whenever I find myself wondering what the failure of public education looks like, these two will serve as the poster children for it. Even at my current age, it never ceases to amaze me that people who can barely comprehend how to microwave a hot dog without the help of a picture diagram, can weave tales so outlandishly fantastic, that even the ghost of L. Ron Hubbard, gets jealous from time to time.

In the 50’s, Conservatives had the “Red Scare”. In the 60’s, they had “Hippie Hysteria”. In the 70’s, they openly feared the ”Independent Woman”. In the 80’s, it was all the rage to obsess over “Satanic Panic”. And now, not only do we have to deal with a brand-new mélange of all of those asinine fever-dreams, we have also ourselves infested neck-deep with a bumper crop of retooled bigots, who rather disturbingly, want to “Slay the Gay”, figuratively, if not literally.

And just how ridiculous and far-gone, is this Fear of a Fabulous Planet on their part, you ask?

I think this, answers that, rather succinctly, if not insanely. Jesus Fracking Christ, these mental midgets have a world entire full of real problems to pick, choose, and keeping to their brand, ignore from, and this manufactured mass hysteria, is the best one they’ve got to offer their slavishly stupid base?

On the upside, while this in and of itself is one of the dumbest things that has ever come out of the sewer that is Tucker Carlson’s mouth, it does serve as a perfect lead-in to his newest documentary special, which covers all of the topics that White male Conservatives like Spring, are openly concerned about:

And despite his advanced age, which in theory, should have granted Spring with some form of practical life experience, and despite “knowing” the teachings of his alleged savior Jesus, who at no point whatsoever in the Bible, references either homosexuality or his opinion regarding it, Spring, whose own personal life has never been impacted one iota in any way by the existence of the LGBTQ Community, still felt the need to (pardon my pun) set the record “straight”:

So, Jimmy, if people aren’t “born Gay”, and if Gender dysphoria isn’t a real thing as science has proven, then why have gay people been a part of the World’s edifying DNA since Time began without the insidious inspiration of gay-themed cartoons?  Oh, that’s right- it’s the influence of queer culture itself, on our ever so impressionable youth, that causes this abomination.to continue.

I guess it must have started with gay cave paintings, becoming supplemented by gay shadow puppetry, which then evolved into gay formal portraiture, followed by gay ad design, and then with the advent of modern-Gay animation, created the icon that took root in the minds-eye of the general public’s formative years, and led to a whole generation of vulnerable youth to question their inherent sexuality, at his behest,

Damn you to Hell, you wascaly, yet adorable, wabbit. However, given the fact that this animated sarcastic succubus of Satan has been plying his craft for over 80 years unchecked, it’s amazing that net all of us are really into show tunes, is it not?

If we as a society, aren’t careful, the next thing you know these Gays will be recording albums, making even more animated films, writing books, and starring in hit shows on all the streaming platfor… oh, crap. I think we’re too late to do anything about it.

Ok, my Rainbow Riders, you might have won this round, but rest assured, James Spring, the 73-year-old self-declared 100% straight Oklahoman who talks about gay stuff (A LOT) is on to you now, and he’s got a ton of anti-gay memes he just can’t wait to post.

Like this one, for example:

Now, without even asking, I’m sure ol’ Jimmy Ray here would tell you that “real” marriage is between a man and a woman, the way God intended. You remember God, the sociopathic deity who, in Spring’s meme it’s inferred, “doesn’t make mistakes”, and yet somehow, he overlooked the consequences of giving his creations Free Will, even though being omnipotent, he knew what was going to happen when he did so?

A debate for another time, I guess.

But let’s talk about how marriage is depicted within the Bible, the book from which Spring obviously pulls his justification for his assumed outrage regarding the legal awarding of it to the LGBTQ Community.

Does he gain inspiration from Kings 11:3, which details that, Solomon had “seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart”, because in the end, God was not cool with that at all, and it seems far worse, than two gay people who live each other, binding for life.

Or shall we talk of Abram from Genesis 16:1-6, who made a sex slave of an Egyptian girl named Hagar, who just so happened to be his wife’s slave, and then, after impregnating her, abandoned her to cruel fate?

As written: “Now Sarai Abram’s wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai. And Sarai Abram’s wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.

And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes. And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the Lord judge between me and thee.

But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thine hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.”

Yup… that’s definitely a healthy and “normal’ marriage taking place there. Truly, a testament to the two-gender system that seemingly defines Spring on so many different levels.

Or maybe, just maybe, Spring is a lot more open-minded than I’ve been giving him credit for, and swings to the left with the implications of Mark 12:19, which says;; “Master, Moses wrote unto us, If a man’s brother die, and leave his wife behind him, and leave no children, that his brother should take his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother.”

Once again, that seems far more abominable than two gay people who love each other getting faithfully bound. Unless of course, you’ve always had the hots for your sister-in-law, and she for you, in which case- congratulations, and let me know where to send the toaster oven I’ll be buying you as a wedding gift.

Now, while the previous Biblical decree might seem bonkers, it pales in comparison to the edict of Deuteronomy 25:11-12, which honestly, and with all jokes aside, is one that I truly hope that Spring has never considered following even for a moment.

Verbatim: “When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.”

Yes, you did read that right. If you as a man, are getting your ass kicked, and your wife dares pull a “Crocodile Dundee” on your assailant in order to help you, make sure to cut off her hand after things have cooled down, just to remind her who’s boss.

So to recap Spring’s opinion; Gay marriage is far worse than having 700 wives and 300 concubines, forcing an unwillingly indentured servant to be your personal EZ Bake Baby Oven, and deliberately maiming your wife for having the audacity to try and keep you from suffering grievous physical harm.

If I found myself blessed with both the time and the hand-puppets, I would take a few minutes out of mocking my latest discovered hypoChrist here, and enlighten him on what marriage originally was- a business deal. In the so-called ancient times, women were offered as nothing more than a commodity, in order to strengthen either social position, or one’s economic standing.

The cruel reality was that in an era where women had no rights, and couldn’t hold titles or property either, marriage for the majority of women at least, was decisive in regards to their continuing existence and survival. But yes James… please tell us all how Gays losing half their autonomy from being in a dedicated relationship like the rest of us, will lead to the fall of Civilization, if you would be so kind.

Refreshingly, Spring’s willful ignorance isn’t just focused on gays alone, he’s also git quite the hate-on fir the transgender community as well, and as you’d expect, his knowledge of it is just as broad and solidified as his faithfulness in following the edicts of his sociopathically mercurial sky-daddy:

Let us pause for the briefest of moments here, to savor the unintentional ironic self-ownership of a man who demands that his invented deity be prevalent in all aspects of American life, from our public schools to our private health decisions, casting disparagement upon the practice of respectfully not using the “dead name” of a Transperson, because in his illiterate opinion, it’s akin to codifying a mental delusion based on the imaginary.

Take all the time you need to process this contradiction of logic, if only to let it resonate within you. But being arrogantly hateful, isn’t Spring’s only go-to schtick, as he’s also quite fond of crafting analogies from disparate topics, and then amalgamating them into a false narrative that’s not only intellectually weak AF, but if anything showcases just how far he’s willing to go to justify his own inability to willingly adapt to an ever-changing social dynamic, in general:

Sigh. It’s almost as if Walt Disney just before he died, ordered his cadre of Imagineers to build him a simple village idiot to serve as a background character for his animatronic Hall of Presidents, and in their collective grief, they decided to go one notch higher, and cement his legacy by fashioning the biggest jackass in History, instead:

Correction: the second biggest jackass in History, instead.

Although, I do have to give the Imagineer corps some serious props here, as not only did they get the artificiality of the man dead-bang, right down to the diseased ferret corpse living on top of his vacuous head, they also unerringly nailed the “nobody’s-ever-been-at-home” burnt-out light-bulbs that serve as his eyes, as well.

Kudos, guys. This is Nightmare Fuel, in its finest distillation.

Getting back on track, Spring’s hateful horse as usual, gets turned into glue sticks, long before it even gets out of his allegorical gate. Due largely to the reality that a 1970’s TV actor playing a 1950’s character, has as much relevance in highlighting the issues of today’s society, as “I love Lucy” would have in discussing gay marriage or the BDSM subculture.

Even more pathetically, it’s blatantly obvious that Spring, quite literally, can’t tell the wide-chasm differences between the two wildly dissimilar examples that he himself presented. First, Corporal (later Sergeant) Maxwell Q. Klinger, was a fictional character, who used the ruse of being a cross-dresser, to hopefully acquire a psychiatric discharge, also known as a Section Eight in order to avoid serving out the reminder of the Korean War.

To achieve this goal, this (once again) TOTALLY FICTIONAL character would consistently wear women’s clothing and stage public absurdities, to try and lend credence to his assertion that he was indeed, “crazy”. However, it was made quite clear from the character’s initial introduction that not only was Klinger sane, but heterosexual as well, because despite Spring’s comparison, cross-dressing is in no way, shape or form, an accurate indicator of sexual preferences.

As to the second image that Spring posted with all of the intellectual maturity granted a bigoted toddler, the persons depicted are Assistant Health Secretary Dr. Rachel Levine, and newly hired DOE employee Sam Brinton, who were photographed celebrating Bastille Day, at the French Ambassador’s residence. Personally, I wouldn’t have matched that kind of purse with that dress as Brinton did, as a clutch would have been far more socially appropriate, but other than that, I could care less about their dual wardrobes.

Regardless of self-chosen gender identity, what I care most about in regards to my governmental officials in general, is whether they can do the job required, or not. That’s it. Because honestly, that’s the only thing that matters.

And if they can, then who the hell cares? I don’t. And as far as I’m concerned, if they can also pull off looking damn fly in a cocktail dress as they do so, that’s just extra icing on the cake. Given my past history of wearing more leather and metal than you’d find in a San Francisco hardware store, being anything less than supportive of the personal fashion choices of others, would be hypocritical as f**k, and I am so not about that.

But for a hypocritical and wholly paranoid transphobe such as Spring, whose intellectual Slinky is perpetually tied in a knot, such proud representation, and in public, no less, is the very antithesis of what he considers to be a civilized and enlightened society. Newsflash, Jimmy Ray? Just because you don’t; like it, doesn’t mean that you have the right to cauterize it out of society.

If such were the case, I would, rest assure you, that Nickelback’s last eight albums never would have seen the light of day, and the master print of “Highlander Two”, would have been tossed into an active volcano long ago, along with its screenwriter and production team, just to make sure it, and they, could never hurt anyone again.

Nevertheless, maybe the real issue here, is that I’m misreading the lay of the land as it were, and perhaps, Spring isn’t the hateful, ignorant, hypo-christical morass of mental midgetry that I perceive him to be, and is, in fact, just an unfortunate victim of an as yet undiagnosed and uncontrollable all-gripping sense of Fear.

I’m sure that given my stereotypical doggedness, I could eventually unearth what It is that compels him to say (and out stock in) such preposterous pustulence, and by doing so, guide him down the path to becoming once again, a useful part of Humanity, rather than just another cautionary tale for the post-Trump era.

I’m sure that given my stereotypical doggedness, I could eventually unearth what It is that compels him to say (and out stock in) such preposterous pustulence, and by doing so, guide him down the path to becoming once again, a useful part of Humanity, rather than just another cautionary tale for the post-Trump era historians to come.

In fact, I do believe that my due diligence has paid off, allowing me to discover just why Spring is the way he is. It’s so simple, and yet, it was staring me in the face the whole time that I’ve been highlighting his abominably unintelligent point of view. As it turns out, Spring’s soul, as well as his alleged brain, have found themselves riddled with the mental disease that is:

It all makes sense now. Spring’s slack-jawed countenance and dead-eye stare into the foreboding distance, whenever Reality is proven, or even mentioned. His lack of critical thinking skills. The cultist behavioral patterns he engages in. And let’s not forget his incessant need to blame everyone save himself, for the self-created problems that he forged with his unrelenting attitude of personal dickishness towards others who have never harmed him, albeit directly, or not.

Factor in his willing acceptance of facing hardship, based on his unfounded assumption that it’s perfectly acceptable, so long as the people he despises are suffering just that much more. Normally, I would refer to this assemblage of character deficiencies as being those inherent to a sociopath, but that almost seems like an unjustified slur against innocent sociopaths when I do so, and mythical God knows, I don’t need that kind of heat in my life.

When the disingenuous dust that that these red-hatted Hatetriots so violently stirred up finally settles, it’ll be interesting to see who deflects their personal culpability for what they’ve said and done, and who will proudly own it, as if it were a fascist merit badge.

Granted, while I don’t know Spring at all, past his postings and insipid commentary, my guess is that when his judgement day before society finally arrives, he’ll be festooned with Trumpist flair, as if he were the fire sale at a MAGA retail outlet:

And once again, let us all not lose sight of the fact that these fine people, who adorn themselves with costumes absent of the excuse of either Halloween or a cosplay convention, and do so for the fleeting approval of a deceitful demagogue who wouldn’t condescend to piss on them if they were on fire in front of him, will remind you at the point of a gun backed up by zip-ties, that they are most definitely; NOT in a cult.

No siree Bob. Not brainwashed. Not indoctrinated. Not gullible sheep, walking amongst a like-minded woolly ball of wackiness. Independent thinkers, doing their own thing. One-hundred-percent fully functioning mature adults.

Well. That checks out.

When this wave of purely horrendous hatriotism started cresting a few years back, I was actually one of the few in my circle that remained optimistic about my fellow humans. At first. I honestly placed solid faith in the idea that over time, Trump’s numerous gaffes, corrupt actions, and treasonous deceit, would eventually grind his base of rabid supporters back into actual individuals as they once were known to be, and for some of them, that prediction has rung true.

But for far too many I fear, there is no coming back from their self-imposed brink, and Spring, I am certain, is unquestionably entrenched within that cretinous contingent. Irrespective of what Trump has done, ranging from adultery to outright treason, Spring, the cafeteria Christian will rationalize it away, or as is typical of his ilk, will just ignore it, outright.

And like most conservatives who bleat senselessly about not worshipping or listening to so-called “celebutards”, while actively doing just that, in concern to their dime-store-bronzed Count of Mostly Crisco, they can’t help but display their supplementary hypocrisy when it comes to seeking political counsel, either.

But take heart, as they’re only taking guidance from the sagest among them:

For those of you unfunnier with this Randy Quaid person, he was once a sought-after character actor, whose career sort of faded into the irrelevant ether, after it became wildly apparent that he had sadly indeed, gone full Trumpian potato. To refresh your memory, here he is, in one of his most iconic roles, that being the alcoholic crop duster and former military pilot, Russell T. Casse, from the 1996 Summer blockbuster, “Independence Day”:

Oops. My bad. That’s actually Quaid’s booking photo from 2010, when he was arrested for felony residential burglary and entering a noncommercial building without consent, Essentially Quaid and his wife Evi, were squatting illegally within a residence that they did not own. I am ever so sorry about that. But I did promise you a photo of his iconic and hilarious movie character, so here you are:

Well, damn it to heck, this isn’t the right picture at all, either.

Once again, I unthinkingly posted a booking photo of Quaid from 2015, except this one was taken in Canada, where Quaid and his wife had filed for refugee status, saying that they genuinely feared for their lives if they remained within the United States. And why was that you ask/ Well, it’s a doozy of a story, let me tell you.

The Quaid’s made this asinine assertion based on their unhinged belief that (and I am not making this up) they were being relentlessly pursued by a cabal of celebrity-killing murderers, that they referred to as “Hollywood star whackers”, who were accountable for the so-called “natural” deaths of actors Heath Ledger, who died of an accidental overdose, and David Carradine, who died from a case of autoerotic asphyxiation, which to say the very least, is not how you want to be remembered by your peers

Now, I do have a few questions to ask here, and they are this; first, why in the hell would Quaid be a target of such assassins, when it would be charitably obvious to say that at best, he was nothing more than a glorified second-banana in most of his films, and second; did they really think that an organized hit squad would somehow be deterred from carrying out their deadly assignment, due to the magic that is Canada?

Don’t get me wrong, Canada is fabulous, but I’d hardly declare it a safe-zone from the likes of a star-obsessed splinter branch of the Illuminati. That is, unless you’re willing to deploy the sheer carnage that is the combined forces of Celine Dion and Glass Tiger, whom despite their smash 1986 hit song, ironically titled Don’t Forget Me (When I’m Gone), you’ve probably long forgotten.

To be certain, I’m not insinuating that we shouldn’t protect our most-valued celebrities, I’m just suggesting that perhaps, we let sleeping French-Canadians lie, and by doing so, not have Hell rain down upon us.

The sheer absurdity of Quaid’s misapprehensions aside, can you just imagine the process required to put his name on such a list? In my mind’s eye, I’m seeing a scene lifted straight out of the 2015 James Bond film, “SPECTRE”:

Let me set the mood, if I may: the “Whackers” are all sitting at a long table, casually tossing out names for consideration as potential targets, basing their decisions on reasons ranging from George Clooney’s disastrous turn as Batman, (valid) to the annoyance that is Andy Dick in general, (more so) and without warning, one of them just for fun perhaps, tosses Quaid’s name into the proverbial hat for his involvement with 2002’ “The Adventures of Pluto Nash”.

I could easily buy that.

But just forget all that, as Spring has obviously done, and pay full attention to the crazy man pretending that his take on politics is both appreciated and relevant. To note, just in case Quaid and Spring haven’t received the news yet- Trump is NO LONGER THE PRESIDENT, and Mar-a-Lago is not now, never was, and never has been, the “southern/winter White House”, you absolute f**king loons.

What it currently is, according to law enforcement, draws valid comparison to how Master Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi once described the ethos of fictional Tatooine’s Mos Eisley spaceport:

Never thought I’d ever say this about Obi-Wan Kenobi, but damn… that Jedi could foreshadow like a motherf**ker when the moment was right. However, I’m getting kind of peckish just sitting here in the ol’ Lair of Snarkitude, and I most certainly, could go for a late-night bowl of Count Chocula topped with crushed Nutter Butter Cookies, so I think I’ll put an allegorical pin in this for now.

But i ain’t done dissecting and mocking the inanity of my newest scratching post, just yet. Not by a long shot. As it was once stated by the Joker in “The Dark Knight”:

Now, while I’m not seriously planning on doing “this” forever, or contemplating a physical act of violence, Spring’s consistent public displays of prideful bigotry, misogyny, racism, willful ignorance and sacrilegious hypocrisy, are just something I’m having too much fun writing about.

As its been noted, I don’t believe in God, or even Satan for that matter, but if I did, I’d have to thank one for sending me this gift of guileless density, and praise the other for giving him the ability to do so, with such undeserved confidence.

You’re free to decide who’s responsible for which, but I’ve already got my answer.

And when we come back… I showcase more of Spring’s truly dizzying intellect, poke holes in his paranoiac and erroneous social theorems, and wonder aloud, just what must have happened, to turn a zygote with a bright future ahead of him, into the kind of person that the Future likes to forget existed.


“The wicked envy and hate; it is their way of admiring.”- Victor Hugo.





































The Greatest Story Ever Sold. (The Passing of the Christ)

“Is man merely a mistake of God’s? Or God merely a mistake of man?”- Friedrich Nietzsche

Hello Bitchiteers!

How are you doing? Got enough sleep? Got enough food? Got Milk? But most importantly, how is your soul doing these days, in an era where it seems that most people who assert that they have one, fall far short of the minimums that they’re supposed to achieve with it.

As some of you may have already guessed, today we’re going to talk about “God”, the Faith centered around his supposed existence, and if I have the time, I may even devote a line or two to his so-called lambs who adhere to his declarations very much in the same way that I shun chilled Ding Dongs.,

However, I will be approaching this topic not as an absolute, and most certainly, not as a supremacy. Instead within this screed, He/She/It, will not be lauded as anything more than an abstract concept, designed by deeply flawed humans, specifically for the task of providing at hand to other equally faulty humans, not only a protector over all, but rationalizations for how the world actually works, as well.

Not to mention, providing a steady source of tax-free income for those Machiavellian enough, to forge it into a cudgel of unquestionable authority within this world, if not allegedly, the next. Never let it be forgotten that the initial idea for controlling the intellectually simple and emotionally desperate, has been turned into not only a thriving cottage industry, but also as a means to acquire legislative power as an added bonus.

Religion: the only Ponzi scheme that has not only governmental protection, but societal approval as well, which to be fair, is one heck of a beginning for a so-called faith, whose origins came from a wife’s desire to keep the secret of her adulterous act from getting back to her husband. Yes, I said that. And no, I will not apologize for it.

Because depending on your inherent ability to accept reality, there’s really only two choices here- either Mary had some side action that went South of Nazareth, or you have to make peace with the fact that an all-powerful deity sexually forced himself upon a truly defenseless woman, in order to produce an off spring, which seems odd, considering that he supposedly created the first two humans Adam and Eve from scratch, and without a recipe, to boot.

Did he forget how, or was it just a case of him telling his office manager; “I ain’t got time for this, so find me a virgin, stat.” All jokes aside, if I were ever caught taking a whipped-cream bath with Milla Jovovich by my GF of 13 years, I seriously doubt that I could pull off the defense strategy that it was not I who was at fault, but “God”, instead.

Granted, that might just be due to the fact that she’s both an Atheist and a Redhead, but I’m sure her sense of palpable skepticism, would translate equally across all the possible hair spectrums.

For those of you fortunate enough to have never been subjected to the inanity that forms the first part of the Bible, that being the prologue known as Genesis, I’ll give you the Cliff Notes from which all of this mystical malarkey sprang: “In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

Oops. My bad. That was actually a quote from the seminal novel “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”, authored by Douglas Adams, and is a comedic sci-fi take chronicling the adventures of the last surviving Earthman, Arthur Dent, after Earth is destroyed by an alien race known as the Vogons, for the purpose of clearing the path as it were, to make way for a hyperspace bypass as part of an intergalactic highway construction project. You know. Like it so often happens in life?

And next to none other than the very Bible itself, it’s possibly my favorite work of science fiction fantasy, hands down. In the version where “God” is not only the star, the plot, and somehow also the actual author, lots of stuff happens. To start, there’s war, murder, outright genocide, rapes, betrayal, abominable sin, debauchery, worship of false idolatry, and in an unexpected plot twist nobody could possibly have seen coming, the crucifixion of “God’s” very own son, but rest assured, it will all work out in the end.

Or to be more exact, at a time that nobody actually knows for certain. It’s like the long-awaited sequel to “The Last Starfighter”, but with less Robert Mitchum, and far more Joel Osteen.

But don’t think t’s all doom and gloom, as there’s Redemption, Resurrection, and a dinner party that goes all shades of hilariously wrong near the end pf the book, and it wraps up neatly as the Son of God, (AKA: “Jesus”) goes from being a humble carpenter as Harrison Ford once was, to inheriting the family business, eventually kicking the crap out of God’s most troublesome ex-employee, a fallen angel named Lucifer, who gets banished to the fictional realm of Hell, a place not only of eternal torment and suffering, but also where he’s been living and working, since Time began.

Call me crazy, but sending Luce back to his room, hardly seems like a fitting punishment for the Harbinger of All Things Evil, but what do I know? I only drop in on God’s plan every now and then, as most of us seem to do these days. In the Bible, Hell is oft-described as possessing lakes of fire, where unrepentant sinners are bound in chains of ice, far removed from God’s sight, which when given his mercurial nature, presents as sort of a half full / half empty equation, no matter how you look at it.  

Nevertheless, this not how I envisions Hell, for in my mind’s eye, I see it as no more than an overly-crowded and poorly air-conditioned ball pit, where you’re forced against your will, to walk around barefoot on top of an ever increasingly shifting mass of errant LEGO blocks, for all of eternity. If you asked me, I’d opt out for the fire treatment instead. After all, I used to live in Phoenix, so if anything, it would almost be comfortingly familiar, sitting in a pond full of lava that’s up to my neck.

But as usual, I’m putting the cross before the guy who’ll eventually be depicted for eternity as being nailed to it, so let me start at the most logical place, that being “The Beginning”. I know that makes sense, but it’s also, somewhat ironically, the literal opening of the Greatest Story Ever Sold. 

From Genesis“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.”

So far, so good, I guess. And whatever you do, don’t dare ask where God came from, because that’s highly problematic to the overall development of the plot.

“And God said, “Let there be an expanse in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters.” And God made the expanse and separated the waters that were under the expanse from the waters that were above the expanse. And it was so. And God called the expanse Heaven. And there was evening and there was morning, the second day..”

So, at this point, God has established the future location of his base of operations, a place of beauty and eternal joy, that every Christian hypocrite swears up and down that they’ll be ascending to when they die, but not you.

“And God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.” And it was so. God called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And God saw that it was good.

And God said, “Let the earth sprout vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, on the earth.” And it was so. The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the third day.”

Cool- God has now laid out the landscaping, and thanks to his fruit-based forward thinking, everybody gets to enjoy a fresh glass of OJ with their Jimmy Dean sausage. Oops-he hasn’t gotten that far yet.

“And God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night. And let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the earth.” And it was so. And God made the two great lights- the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night, and the stars. And God set them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth, to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the fourth day.”

In simpler terms, it’s dark, it’s late, go to bed already.

“And God said, “Let the waters swarm with swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the heavens.” So God created the great sea creatures and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. And God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.” And there was evening and there was morning, the fifth day.”

And with that, you now know who is responsible for both Pigeons and the mess that they consistently leave on your just-washed car.

“And God said, “Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their kinds- livestock and creeping things and beasts of the earth according to their kinds.” And it was so. And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the livestock according to their kinds, and everything that creeps on the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.”

Finally- the raw ingredients for the aforementioned Jimmy Dean Breakfast Sausages have arrived! Thank Him.

“Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So, God created man in his own image, In the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

(And right here, boys and girls, is where the Ineffable Plan starts slowly going South. Literally.)

“And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

In other words, everything with a face, save for your fellow humans, is up for grabs as either some form of cheap fast food, or as an overpriced healthy snack, available only from the fine folks at Sprouts.

“And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. And to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the heavens and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so. And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning, the sixth day.”

Now according to this totally believable tale, the very next day, God being pooped, took the day off, but not before he declared said day holy unto himself, because as will be revealed, down deep, he’s kind of a petty bitch, if not a full-blown sociopath. But to his credit, he didn’t rest on his newly created laurels too long, because in his self-created position as the one and true God, he had to get going with his master plan, which despite his predilection for working in mysterious ways, (his words, not mine) was in the end, deceptively simple, and went something like this:

Setting up a virtual paradise on Earth, that he calls The Garden of Eden, he stocks it with all of the aforesaid delights and delicacies that he crafted days before, and in a sheer moment of omnipotent genius, takes Adam and Eve, his two previously immaculate human creations, and deliberately installs the flaw of Free Will into them, despite having no real need in the first place, to do so.

He then instructs them both not to use it under threat of dire consequence, later going on to purposefully go about setting up an irresistible temptation, as he concurrently allows the corruption of the pair, by yet another one of his formations (albeit an evil one) who somehow, manages to enter and exit, the Garden unmolested. After committing the sin that he eventually would go on to classify as being “Original”, despite knowing that it was going to happen anyway, due to his inherent and manipulative omnipotence, he loses his collective cool about it, and banishes Adam and Eve from the Garden forever

Notwithstanding the obvious fact that the situation at his hand was ENTIRELY HIS FAULT, he sends the duo out into the harshness of the world beyond completely unprotected, taking it upon himself quite some time later, to transcribe a book via other flawed humans, in which he demands that they, and all of their resultant offspring, endeavor to spend their lives worshiping him on bended knee, otherwise he’ll toss them all into a bottomless pit of eternal fire, torment, those chains of ice again, after being deemed unworthy of his “love”.

That’s right- he loves us, remember? That’s why he’s doing all of this.

And in order to demonstrate this, he decides to send us his only son, born of a virgin he arrogantly forced himself upon, to teach us about the mercy of God’s alleged love, a theorem proven when the so-called loving God and Father to us all, allows said son to be mercilessly crucified, so that he can rise from the dead three days later, and then immediately ascend to Heaven, rather than remain on earth, where it could be arguably debated, that he’d be far more effective at spreading the Gospel of his part-time Deity Dad, than he would be appearing in either clouds or patterns on burnt toast..

I do have one small question that’s been nagging at me for quite some time though, and it is this- according to Genesis 2:7, Adam was created when; “the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul”.

Now if this is accurate on any level, and I strongly doubt that it is, then what was the point of impregnating Mary, waiting 33 years for Jesus to mature into manhood and then subjecting him to a torturous death, when all that was ostensibly required to create a savior and heir apparent, was for God to exhale on a handful of random dust bunnies?  Once again, “mysterious ways”, and all that happy jazz, I guess.

Unabashedly, I will admit that when I look upon this travesty of tripe disguised as allegorical salvation, and that, with the most cynical of eyes, even I’m impressed that in an age where we’ve conquered the initial challenges of spaceflight, harnessed the power of the atom, and live in a world that gave us both the musical genius that is Jeff Lynne as well as Vanilla Ice, the one that isn’t, I still have to give serious props to whomever it was that actually succeeded in selling this inane idea as a plausible reality.

Say what you must, and I most certainly will, but managing to turn a Middle Eastern Jew borne from what should have been the end of an obviously already troubled marriage, into the Blond, White WASPish Savior of All, based on nothing more than fairy-tales passed down orally from illiterates to educated scribes operating under various agendas, is quite the impressive act of branding, so says me.

Nevertheless, and despite my acidic assertions, I honestly have no actual problems with the conceptual application of spiritual faith- I myself have witnessed, as I’m sure many of you have, just how a strong sense of such, can get people safely through even the most difficult and trying of times, and not even I, in my darkest moment of black-hearted glee, would dare rob someone in need of that particular salve.

No, the thing that trips my ever-so-vexed trigger, is when the institution of organized Religion rears its hypocritical and maggoty head, starts spewing its discordant dogma to the degradation of all within its line of sight, including itself, and then, feigns the provocation of erroneous victimhood when held to task for doing so. It’s a winning strategy of secularism; slur, degrade, vilify, and when caught, claim persecution.

After all, doesn’t it strike as strange, that despite there being over 5000 Gods on this planet that have been worshipped by Man at one point or another, these ever-so-lucky-Children-of-Galilee managed somehow, to pick the singular Deity above all, whose celestial biases perfectly matched their own personal ones. Seriously- how fortuitous is that? If I had those kinds of odds at my disposal when I met Debbie Harry back in the Fall of 1999, I’d be still be gainfully employed as her personal masseuse.

On a more individual note, regardless of the amenities that mythological Heaven may offer us, spending eternity with the very same people whose condescending sense of faux Christianity I used to battle almost every day, is really not the selling point that they may think it is. Hell, itself may not offer me the throne I’m sure that I’ve earned, but at least the tunes will be good, and the strippers will be hot.

Mainly because most likely, they’ll be on literal fire, to say the very least. What can I say? When in Rome, do as the Romans do, and when finding yourself imprisoned within Hell for eternity, make your peace with the flaming lap-dance, and get on with the work of trying to live your best after-life.

Because as only the allegorical Lord knows, down here on Earth, most of these modern-day faux Christians aren’t presently doing so at the moment. As a rule, I do try to avoid making blanket statements whenever I can, as it tends to be taken as nothing more than ill-informed griping, but I do think that it is fair to say that Religion, next to Violence itself, is one of the most abominable creations ever inflicted upon Mankind entire.

Don’t get me wrong, the other bullspit that us semi-evolved monkeys have propagated sucks donkey tally-wacker too, but only the aspect of religion, gives culturally acceptable hall passes to its pustular progeny without fail.

How liberating it must be, to dredge up the malevolent spirits of Racism, Misogyny, Homophobia, Islamophobia, and willingly spiteful ignorance, then switch gears, so that you can then arrogantly claim that you’ve been “saved” and washed clean of your spiritual transgressions by the creator whose edicts you so purposefully misinterpret. And if you don’t believe me in regards to this concept, just remember the cornerstones of the ministry of Jesus, and seriously ask yourself if he would be cool with his most devoted of disciples espousing this, in his name:

I never thought I’d ever have to say this, but I may just have to call up the Taliban, and sincerely apologize for inferring that they were far too extreme in enforcing their warped sense of morality upon a formerly free society. Not only would Jesus be horrified by this perversion of his teachings, he’d probably also run the credible risk of finding himself crucified again by his own adherents, if he dared speak out against it.

And just who are the persons behind this pathetically unconstitutional power move against the LGBTQ Community? Well, none other than the Texas GQP, whose only purpose in life at this point I feel, is to help Florida feel better about itself on a daily, if not an hourly basis. That is, when it’s not plotting to put women and minorities back in the kitchens and fields, where their odious interpretation of God demands that they be.

Texas… where everything is bigger, including the repercussions of inbreeding, secular psychosis, and teaching children, that Jesus rode a Tyrannosaurus Rex to work. But getting back on point, let’s take a look at just what these wannabe Fred Phelps want to legislate, before we find out that in reality, they were actually so far back in the metaphorical closet, that they were using next year’s Christmas gifts as a substitute chaise lounge.

Now, while I fully support the clause holding birth fathers financially accountable, the passage afterwards, essentially legitimizing discrimination on the basis of one’s “beliefs” regarding sexuality or gender identity, morally reprehensible, at best. I for one, don’t believe in an all-supreme being, so does that mean I can now punch random strangers for telling me to “Have a blessed day”? because trust me, there’s been many a time I would have taken advantage of that, depending on the source.

As I noted, this legalized blanket pf bigotry is not only asinine in its unenforceable scope, it’s also blatantly unconstitutional as well, not that Texas gives a rat’s ass about following the established laws of America when it feels that it can somehow substitute its own in their stead. SPOILER: THEY CAN’T, and they already know that, but it does play well to the ever so f**kingly stupid base that comprises both their political clout, as well as their citizenry.

Even more ridiculously stupid, other than their collective belief that not only can they override Federal authority regarding private procedures taking place within Federal prisons if not the branches of the military itself, is their inane delusion that they can, and without questions raised, dictate the course of individual medical and psychiatric care to, and I quote; “persons of any age” as well, which of course, they also cannot do, in any way, shape or form.

Call me crazy, but for people who flaunt the Bible and the Constitution as much as they do, none of these Cafeteria Christians has ever seemingly read either one past the opening preamble, and believe me, it shows. Freedom, Semi-available in most states, but not currently stocked within the borders of what serves as the analog for America’s taint.

Riding along with these soon-to-be-overturned lawsuits waiting to happen, is the theocratical postulating that the legalization pf Marijuana not be instituted, despite a Dallas Morning News-University of Texas at Tyler poll, which showed that roughly 60% of registered voters supported the eventual legalization of marijuana for one’s personal use, while 83%, supported its application for medical purposes.

Even more against the grain of both common sense and majority favoritism, is the bizzarro idea that services to assist those suffering from the scourges of chemical addiction, should be based on an approach of ‘faith-based rehabilitation’, which, in regards to the established methodology not dependent on some form of spiritual bugaboo, has proven itself to be, far less effective overall.

Personally, I would love to see the reaction on the faces of the demagogies behind this legislation if, after being diagnosed with Cancer, or some other form of terminal malevolence, if they were told that due to their fellow elected representatives belief in a mystical Sky-daddy, their doctors were going to eschew chemotherapy and other proven drug therapies, in favor of Faith administered by a practitioner of Voodoo instead.

I’d place the odds at 100 to 1, that they’d as a collective, would uniformly declare that they had recently converted to Satanism, and demand immediate medical transport to the first blue state that had an open bed, whether it be in a hospital, or a kennel. When the chips are down, these so-called persons of faith tend to reveal who they really are, and quite literally, will start eating each other to survive.

In the end, their alleged adherence to the parables, is as thin as their loyalty to their fellow humans- virtually nonexistent. And when it comes to the mocking of their celestial crutch, rest assured, they don’t handle that well, either. Take for instance, this rather terse exchange between I and one of God’s favored lambs, whose name is Timothy Addair. and see just how fast his sense of calm evaporates when I question his belief in a fairy-tale cover story run amuck:

I’ve said it before, and I know I will be forced to say it again, but just why exactly, does the most-powerful being in all of Creation, require the unceasing PR services of his most flawed ones?

I mean… he’s already got the best-selling science-fiction novel of all time, a slew of successful movies based upon it, and pretty much every celebrity from sports figures to POP culture icons, makes it a point to thank him every single time they receive even the merest of public recognition for a minor achievement, so why does he need their help in regards to anything he’s supposedly in control of?

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say God has some seriously unresolved co-dependency issues, but to be fair, so do the majority of his followers, and maybe that’s why they’re always so on point to circle the wagons around their Sky-daddy, in order to gain the opportunity to be blessed under the auspice of his mercurial favor. And as you’d expect, the hypocrisy inherent within these Licentious Lambs of Fraud, is one of their most definitive characteristics that they display when cornered:

A few points here I’d like to address, if I may. This particular commentary came after Sandra Lubbe here, was boasting about how her religious views carried far greater weight than the injustice of stripping away the body autonomy of American women, a demographic which, I’d like to point out, she’s still a member of, even if it is only to be openly complicit in the targeted and certain to continue marginalizing of it.

Even better, is her serious query of “where in the Bible” was it, that I read that God was a myth, which may just be, one of the stupidest statements that I have ever heard in my life, without question. Where did I read it, Sandra? Honestly, nowhere specific.

However, when it comes to a book where not only Angels and Demons exist, but also where a man sires three sons when he’s no less than 500-years-old, I’m going to have some trepidation swallowing such a story, without doing some in-depth research first. In addition, said half-millennial successfully manages to get all the animals of the world on board an Ark that he built on God’s orders for that definitive purpose, just before the alleged Creator of all, kills everyone and everything on the planet, to make the world less violent.

Following the narrative so far? Good. Because it gets even weirder.

Despite that supposedly pressing concern, God seemingly as well, finds no issue with letting his chosen people (AKA: the Jews) being ruthlessly enslaved for 400 years. What a loving Father Figure. Speaking of which, a central figure within this expanded fever-dream, a father named Lot, willingly offers his virgin daughters to Sodomites so that they can rape them, gets to see his wife turned into a pillar of off-brand Morton’s Salt by God himself, and later impregnates both his daughters after being seduced by them.

And did I forget to mention Exodus 9:14?  This act of celestial grace, is definitely one that gives the undefendable actions of Lot, a fair run for their money: “I will send the full force of my plagues against you and against your officials and your people, so you may know that there is no one like me in all the earth”.

So, in order for the people to get to know God as the one true path to eternal salvation, he makes the command decision that rather than eradicate the sufferings of mankind, inflicted upon us by the flaw of the Free Will he installed within us all, he’ll just send a series of ever-worsening plagues instead, because apparently, that’s how openly loving relationships work.

By way of direct example, let’s take a gander at this sterling example of dual dysfunction, courtesy of my favorite local cafeteria Christian, who just so happens to be, not only a past Artbitch story subject, but more than likely, the future resident of a locked room wallpapered in bubble-wrap as well.

Ladies and Gentleman, please raise your perfectly chilled Ding-Dongs in appreciation for the one and thankfully only, Ruth Darlene Seawolf:

Not to be flippant in regards to the very real issue of spousal abuse, but if I knew anyone who was willingly involved with a person who as a rule, promoted this paradigm as a condition of their ongoing interpersonal association, I’d strongly advise them to not only cut off all contact with them, but to get a strongly enforced restraining order as well, just in case the science books I’ve loaned them, fail to take as a form of supreme (no pun intended) protection.

With all due seriousness, I’ve owned female cats that were less needy than this alleged deity, and at the very least, provided far more quantifiable comfort, unlike this infuriatingly insolent celestial deadbeat dad ever has.

Getting back to the point, Lubbe’s notating that people do not “need” sex to exist, just goes to prove my earlier theorem regarding her battery-powered sexual aptitudes, if not her overall intelligence. I’m not sure if her familiarity with the 9-volt lifestyle has jaded her past the point of rationality, but the last time I checked, without sex, earth would be less populated than it currently is now.

But I’d hazard a guess that when your entire sexual experience comes from fellating a book, I really shouldn’t be too surprised at the lack of biological knowledge you might possess. Moving on, her claiming unencumbered access to forgiveness, regardless of how she acts and what she says, because she believes in the charity of the very same deity that drowned a world entire, because he didn’t like the end result of his prevised cock-up.

And assigning the blame to me, for her succumbing to openly displaying her hypocrisy? That, boys and girls, is a classic Cafeteria Christian move, if ever there was one. I can’t say beyond a shadow of doubt, that the so-called faithful are disingenuous as f**k, but they certainly do seem to practice the art of being so, far better than anyone else I’ve ever met. It’s a brutally hilarious dichotomy that they’ll profess to be secular stewards of the love of Jesus, but are in actuality, duplicitous carries of the spiritual rabies his deadbeat dad crafted.

As you’d reasonably surmise, this virulence in and of itself, manifests within a wide range of delivery forms, but the most popular among the lying lamb league, seems to be the exclusion and degradation of all that they wouldn’t condescend to attempt to understand, even if their faux deity told them to.

In the past, it was mainly Atheists that they tended to despise, but with the advent of social media as well as ta host of sociopolitical movements currently in play, it’s fair to say that their access to a whole new slew of supposed villains has been extended somewhat. And who better to cast as the lead in the repertoire of nefariousness, than those whom you’ve always considered to be immoral?

As if on cue, enter one of the many unelected spokespersons for the American Taliban, a moron named Eric Moutsos, who… [checks notes} Oops. My bad. Turns out Eric, who most assuredly, is a moron of unquestionable certitude, is also in addition, a practicing “Mormon” as well, but I fear that I’m just repeating myself, and mythical Lord knows, I truly hate doing that.

So instead, let’s enjoy some of Eric’s keen observations from deep within the echo chamber of a malevolent ministry that in essence, installs a lifelong case of Stockholm Syndrome into its advents, regarding a culture they and eric obviously know nothing about, despite their seeming obsession with it,

Eric? The metaphorical floor is yours:

Now, at no point in my life would I ever condescend to think that I could advise a deity, especially one that according to the Mormon faith, is seemingly okay with the doctrines of eternal marriage, the practice of baptism for the dead, and the one that reality TV loves so much, the act of polygamy or plural marriage, but if I chose to do so, I’d just have to bluntly ask exactly why, in his position as “God”, people like this Neanderthal neophyte, were the only ones he could seemingly attract to serve as both customer service reps, if not public relations.

C’mon dude. Your dad created man from a handful of dust, but you can’t staff a competent HR department to weed out these dimwitted demagogues before they manage to slither their way onto your payroll? On the one hand, I do get it- the dumber they are, the easier it is to both control and convince them that this fairy-tale cover story run amuck has some credence.

But on the other…aren’t you two celestial icons tired of having to consistently distance yourself from the very same people who claim to love everything you guys supposedly stand for, while unswervingly doing the exact opposite of it all?

Case in point, Eric’s flawed insistence that the LGBTQ Community is linked to either the support of pedophiles, or the very act itself, when the reality is that the ratio of straight pedophiles versus those that are gay, averages out to a ratio of 11-1, and the stereotypical sexually-motivated reprobate, is ironically, not too dissimilar from Eric himself, regardless of cultural, financial, or spiritual status.

This is not to say that Eric in any way, shape, or form, possesses some form of abhorrent sexual deviancy himself, but I would also note that from my perspective as an outside the box observer, that for a self-alleged straight Child of Christ, he’s put what seems to be a Herculean effort into his attempt to validate his miasma of homophobic hysteria, into the concrete of certainty.

As the old saying goes, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire”, and when I witness anyone spending this much time crafting a gay-themed conspiracy-theory in order to reassure one’s own sense of “correct” sexual identity, the need to reinterpret that maxim into the much more relevant take of: “Where there’s rampant Homophobia, there’s a closet queen waiting to discover their unacknowledged Truth”, is literally a conclusion that anyone would logically follow, given the circumstances.

I’m not entirely sure who originally coined the axiom; “Be wary of He who shouts the loudest”, but mark my words, and mark them well, for one day, and this sooner than later, Eric is going to trip over his own willful ignorance, and rather than fall, he’ll find himself gently floating down to the floor, as if he were the first leaf of Autumn, and only then, will both he and society, be better for it.

Or he may miss the floor entirely, as he obviously does in regards to the point of the Pro-Gay movement that clearly terrifies him so much. A heads up, my closet case: gays are not, and I repeat, NOT “coming for your children”, because that designation is solely borne by your party entire. You know, the political entity that’s currently banning books, attempting to turn America into a dictatorial Theocracy, and doing all that it can to ensure that guns remain in schools, while taking actual history and free lunches out of them?

In addition, there is also no “Gay Agenda” either, save for the one where someone’s sexual orientation isn’t regarded as justifiable grounds for harassment, threats, slurs, and societal degradation, by self-righteous and wholly hypocritically hateful Beta-cucks such as yourself. The closest I’ve ever witnessed to this demographic ever having an organized outline in regards to anything, are only whereas brunches, weddings, and house parties are concerned.

But I’m afraid I haven’t given you the full context of who Eric really is, or to be more accurate, was, before bashing the Gay community became an obsession of his. He was in fact, a Salt Lake City Police officer, a job that he was fired from, after asking to be reassigned in relation to working a gay ride event, on the basis of such being offensive to his sense of so-called Faith.

According to Moutsos, doing so got him suspended for “discrimination.”, which he later attempted to explain away in an interview to the Los Angeles Times by saying that; “I love gay people. I love them like I love humanity. I just did not agree with some of the messages in that parade.”

In Eric’s “I’m the real victim here” narrative, he explained that In June of 2014, he was assigned along with several other motorcycle officers, to ride in Utah’s Pride Parade in Salt Lake City. They were to perform what he described as “celebratory circles”, or as us sane viewers of parades call them, “cool motorcycle tricks”. He told his superiors that his religious views made him uncomfortable doing something that suggested he supported the cause, which he does not.

In a public statement acquired by the LAT, Moutsos claimed that his superiors refused his request to work a different part of the event, noting that; “It is unquestionably my duty as a police officer to protect everyone’s right to hold a parade or other event, but is it also my duty to celebrate everyone’s parade?”, an assertion which congenitally overlooks the him doing his job, even if is an obvious PR gambit, does not indicate one’s personal support.

He attempted to defend this homophobia by weaponizing the completely unrelated analogy of race relations by stating to the LAT; “I asked my supervisor, ‘What if an African American officer didn’t want to ride in front of a KKK parade?’ And he said he’d have to do it. That’s when I knew in my heart it was wrong.”

Hmmm… “it was wrong”, says the guy who claims to “love gay people”, and yet, despite a track record of working as security in full uniform to secure the safety of gay and lesbian couples seeking marriage licenses, as well as a highly documented episode of defending a gay couple who were confronted while kissing at the Mormon Temple in SLC, he still felt the need to publicly draw his line in the sand, in regards to a parade where not a soul would care who, or what, he was.

But like most alleged bigots who find themselves unwillingly being skewered in the public eye, Moutsos parlayed his hateful ignorance into a brand new career, serving as the manager of development for the Sutherland Institute, a conservative think tank based in Utah, before creating the company Freedom Blends, a supplement company based on, and I am not making this up, “the principles of Freedom and Liberty.”

Some of their products include, First Amendment Multivitamins, Pro-Life Protein, Commie Cleanse, Sleep Off Socialism, and their flagship #1 product, Freedom Fuel.

And because the guy who has no problems with the LGBTQ Community despite all the evidence to the contrary, is such a people person, he also loves to hold speaking events where, given the YouTube Videos of his that I’ve watched, he blathers ignorantly about topics ranging from the Constitution (which he obviously doesn’t understand) to God’s plans, (which he obviously cherry-picks) for justification of his inanity, as evidenced by this direct quote:

“I love to watch people light up by feeling the spirit of Liberty (2 Cor 3:17). God wants us to be free. He created us to be free. He established America for just that. And if we don’t continue to gather and promote these universal principles, we will lose it all over again. My hope and goal is to not let that happen.”

I’d point out to Captain Not-America here that God plainly mandated that we serv him eternally or face dire consequences for not doing so, which to the educated among us, is literally the antithesis of: “Freedom”, but since it seems that Eric is pretty hopped up on own Commie Cleanse, that conversation will have to wait for now, I guess. Therefore, may I suggest Eric, that you take your faux outrage, and stuff it where eventually one day, your expected for quite some time now boyfriend, will hopefully find it?

Thanks. You’re a peach, if not a seemingly hateful bigoted bitch.

But as you might expect, while I would most certainly write about my interaction with this Christsucker here, I also felt the need to comment on his original post, as is my nature. Keep in mind, that the only thing required for ignorance to take root and spread, is the inaction of those watching it do so unchecked, and I am so not about doing that:

See? I can keep it short when I need to. Although to be fair, I’m of the mindset that if I had used too many words to get my argument across, Eric wouldn’t have understood it to begin with. Case in point one last time, if only to prove that Eric’s self-declared love for Gay people, is just as solid as his grasp on the teachings of Jesus:

Man… you can just feel the love of Cheezus coming through his most loyal of servants, can you not? I won’t speak for you, but I just love it when a hypocrite’s mask falls away from their lying lizard skin-suit, if only for a moment, and reveals who they really are underneath. While Eric’s so-called savior sat with the Lepers, Moutsos uses their modern-day equivalents, as nothing more than a spiteful punchline, veiled in crudity.

However, two can play the snark game as it currently stands, but unlike my Deity to the Dimwitted here, I’ve had far more practice at eating souls, versus selling the gullible ones pointless (if profitable) jars of supplements, so here goes:

In my limited defense, I would like to note that not only am I calling attention to his inherently ignorant bias, I’m also wishing him well during his can’t-come-soon-enough unwilling tenure in Hell. And in an even far more gracious gambit, I go one step further, and warmly recommend some crucial supplies for the trip.

But I am truly curious about one thing though, and that is this: how is it possible to metaphorically masturbate with the very guide book that tells you in no uncertain terms, just how to be a good person, and yet somehow, still miss the entire f**king point of said advice, not just by miles, but by multiple galaxies?

Referencing which, most persons who claim some form of dedicated religiosity, also profess to believe in established reality, despite the obvious contradictions that such loyalty to the theological, would inherently bring to the surface. I truly am sorry, but you can’t believe in the splitting of the atom and the potential of nanotechnology, while still adhering to the dictums of a Bronze-Age collection of fairy-tales, as your factual orientation checklist.

Don’t get me wrong, I myself, would love to be able to blame all of my transgressions on the machinations of a Hellspawn, but unfortunately, Logic and Reason snared me into a mutual three-way several decades ago, and to be honest, it’s been working out great so far being the one who’s solely responsible for my own f**k-ups.

Being a sensible person yourself, you might logically surmise that persons who place their faith in the myth that is the story of Jesus, would be theoretically in line with other forms of magical thinking, but you’d be wrong, for as they like to consistently (if not ironically) point out, they as a whole, don’t give any form pf serious credence to that level of spiritual malarkey:

So to recap, Christians don’t consult Psychics, Ouija Boards, or Mediums, but talking snakes, burning bushes, Angels, and self-declared Prophets allegedly working for an omnipotent and wholly imaginary sky-daddy, are perfectly A-OK to take guidance from in their stead? Got it. But even better than this prime example of unwitting self-ownership, is this following one, that attempts to marry the Modern with the Chalcolithic, and not too surprisingly, falls way short of the intended goalposts:

Label me a cynic, but openly informing us all, that you have confidence that a book of contradictory morality that was transcribed from illiterate goat-herders over the span of several centuries, is an incalculable assist in today’s age of modernity, is akin to my looking at a can of twenty-eight-year-old tuna, and thinking I can pass it off as the freshest of horderves, without the majority of my guests possibly suffering a fatal case of food poisoning.

But to be fair in regards to these Disciples of Dipshi**ery, they actually are very big on encouraging others to read, which normally would be considered an asset for a society intent on bettering its intellectual understanding of the practical at large, but unfortunately as far as said culture is concerned, they’ve only skimmed the source material that they keep pushing upon us, and it shows:

Look… I’ve placed stock in a lot of intangible things over my lifetime, and while some such as the Star Wars prequels have failed my expectations, others, such as the Mad Max cinematic quatrain, have not. But at no point, and regardless of the situation at hand, has the thought ever occurred to me, that I required any form of manifested celestial guidance to overcome the difficulties of a modern-day society.

As a rule, it’s perfectly fine to take some things at face value, but when those things involve proclamations from sentient ether, the intrigues of demons, and the propagation of alleged miracles, not only does logic need to take back the steering wheel from Jesus, it needs to do so, before the metaphorical car finds itself driving off either the proverbial cliff, or into an innocent family of four.

With no due respect, I’m fairly confident that if challenged, I could easily prove my assertion that most modern-day Christians are as familiar with the contextual content of the Bible, as Donald Trump is with unblemished ethics and the practice of marital fidelity.

I make this reference to the World’s Angriest Creamsicle, not out of a need to make an easy joke, but for the fact that just in case you missed it somehow, the Christian Alt-Wrong as of late, have fully tossed aside their originally cast Savior and his teachings, in favor of a modern-day Golden Calf, and his moronic miasma of mental obesity.

This in turn, has led to nothing less than the formation of a virulent cult that willingly, has sworn its unquestioning allegiance to laud Hate over Hope, Conservatism over Common Sense, and to endorse the unhinged demands of a mango-tinted man-child over the needs of Mankind.

And in this regard, they’re certainly not shy about letting their duplicitous stance be known, despite its level of outright if not duplicitous blasphemy, and all I need do to certify this POV of mine, is to just let their own words and actions, speak for themselves:

You do see the inherent problem here, do you not?  Other than the direct threat to the faceless cabal who are allegedly, are “attacking” Derek’s preferred president, there’s also the ludicrous inference that Trump, a known serial adulterer. liar, con-man, coward, and narcissistic sexual deviant, is somehow now, an “anointed prophet” whose life is based in serving the mercurial whims of the mythical Lord above, rather than himself.

That checks out, right? Because when I think “Warrior for Christ”, the first person that comes to mind is this mango-tinted, if not far more obese, version of Judas Iscariot. Let me put it this way- if Trump had been a guest at the Last Supper, not only would he have sold Jesus out to the highest bidder, he would have made sure to steal the silverware as well, right after he stiffed Jesus for the check, on his way out the door.

Not to mention, Derek’s casually arrogant transgression in regards to Deuteronomy 18:22, is also something we should pay attention to, because I can assure you, that if God did indeed exist, he sure as hell would: “When a prophet speaketh in the name of the Lord, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the Lord hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him.”

Essentially, what it transcribes as in common English, is this: “Hi Derek. God here, and I really need you to both stop putting words in my mouth, and to shut the f**k up as well, for if I were to pick a champion, I sure as hell wouldn’t pick a guy who uses the Ten Commandments as a wrapper for his hush payments to pornstars.”

If there is one aspect that I find to be truly vile about the ever-mutating face of modern Christianity, it’s the rebranding of its worst transgressional hypocrites being lauded as the purest of its spiritual seers, and the shoehorning of Trump into the chair once reserved for Jesus alone, is quite possibly the greatest con-job that the Religious Alt-Right has ever succeeded at carrying across the finish line.

Next to the fantastically absurd concept of an all-knowing deity sitting in judgement above us, that is. I do have to admit however begrudgingly, that placing Trump as the political embodiment of the right hand of God while wholly insane, does still make sense when viewed from inside the bubble of his movement’s bloviating bogusness.

He’s everything they themselves wish to be: vulgar, cretinous, selfish, hypocritically lecherous, and seemingly free of consequences related to his abominable actions. In other words, today’s modern interpretation of spiritual sanctity. I would also say “rich”, but since his lifestyle is blatantly financed by his brain-dead disciples, I’ll leave that off the table for now. So, just how do these so-called moral persons rationalize this obvious contradiction to their Faith versus their political ideology?

Well, they simply do what all lucid deep thinkers do when faced with an unwinnable paradoxical situation, they ignore it completely, and assume that all will work out for the best in the end, because when it gets right down to the brass tacks, the overall long-term memory of his cult is pretty much akin to a goldfish that played professional football… without a helmet:

I’ve said it before, and mythical God knows I will find myself saying it again, but if Herr Twitler here was seriously the best draft pick that He could find to run the American division of his six-day creative splurge, He either needs to find a better temp agency to lease employees from, or just start going directly to Satan himself, in order to cut out the inefficient middle men.

I for one, have always enjoyed the faux representation of determined machismo that the Vanilla Vanguard awards to the man who can’t take on his critics face to face, but place an I-Phone in the center of his tiny little hands, and you’d swear you were dealing with the ghost of Leonidas himself.

And when they’re not overlooking his blatant lacking courage, they’re depicting him as the very essence of an Übermensch made flesh, which to be fair, he does have a lot of, even if it is overall, reminiscent of one attached to a diseased Oompa Loompa. Now, when these hordes of desperately photo shopping fan-boys get such unfounded propaganda “right”, the image produced can be nothing short of … well, epic, actually:

Look at this. Just LOOK at it. It exudes Confidence. Bravery. Resoluteness. And even better, the armor almost hides that giant-ass land mass that he wittily refers to as his stomach. Granted, the head swap comes off as a special effect produced by the same digital effects team that were responsible for the James Bond paragliding scene in “Die Another Day”, but hey, in order to whitewash a fascist, sometimes ya’ gotta break a few laws of artistic perspective, I guess.

But as it is with all matters of propagandist outreach, it can also go so horribly wrong as well, and nothing ties in this observation of mine, quite like this depiction what happens when faux Faith and political abomination get it on behind a Cracker Barrel, and then give birth to the resultant baby just outside the front gates of a Trump rally:

I quite literally, have no words to accurately describe the feeling of “WhatInTheHolyF**kIsThis?”, that I’ am currently experiencing concerning this horrific homage to hilariously misplaced imagery. I mean… we see our lineup of American heroes, resplendent with patriotism, ready to engage in fierce battle with what I can only assume, is an enemy hopefully susceptible to dying from laughter, and all upcoming jokes aside, it’s seriously weirder than anything I’ve ever seen, as far as this sort of delusional demagoguery goes.

Let’s take stock, if we may- we have the late John Wayne, standing steadfast with his six-gun at the ready, and on the opposite side, the Americanized version of Jesus, draped with the colors that don’t run, unless of course, there’s nothing for us to exploit from where we landed, holding what looks like an earth-shooed grenade, because let’s face it, if you possess all the power of Creation within you as if it were the Gauntlet of Thanos, your most effective weapon will be the one that you would never think to use, right from the start.

However, I will cut JC some slack here, because much like how the Force is arbitrarily utilized by the Jedi, his powers only work whenever the plot seemingly demands it. I could, if were less of a cynic, suggest that maybe the Son of Man’s abilities can only be unleashed in the presence of true believers, but if that were indeed true, then all those prayers that have been pointlessly uttered since the dawn of time, surely would have been answered in full by now, right?

If I were to assess the effectiveness of modern-day Christianity to actually affect change given this parameter, I’d infer that it’s just like Voodoo, but with extra Caucasian added in, if only to improve its marketability towards a wider audience..

irrespectively, the true genius of this Alt-Wrong masturbatory morass, is the depiction of the mango-tinted man-child standing at its visual center, which is somewhat appropriate, considering his pathological need to always be the center of attention to begin with. While some of you mat-y think that the most dangerous place casually stand would be on any random street corner in Downtown Detroit, I’d respectfully disagree, and state that in my opinion, the greatest threat to one’s personal safety would be to inadvertently find oneself caught between Trump and a cable TV news crew.

Given the hallucinatory vibe emanating from within this paint by meth at home starter kit, Trump’s representation is still the most bizarre aspect being portrayed, tiny hands down.

As an outside observer to this madness, I get why John Wayne is there, (AMERICAN RESILIENCE!) I get why Jesus is there, (AMERICA IS GOD’S FAVORITE COUNTRY!) but past the point of lazily engineered propaganda geared towards the slack-brained, it makes no sense as to why Trump is. I mean, he’s not a Christian, he’s not a Patriot, nor a true leader of Men, and let’s be honest here, he looks goddamn stupid as f**k, whenever he attempts to act as if he’s down with the blue collars, as evidenced below:

Seriously. What in the hell is happening here? Is he passing a kidney stone? Did he accidentally sit on his undersized mushroom of a penii? Or is it just that the mere thought of an honest day’s work, causes him to be violently ill to his overly corpulent gut? Good questions all, but sadly, they’re for another time, methinks.

But I must give credit where credit is due, and give mad props to this artistic experiment as a whole, because despite its absurdity, the artist nailed his subjects perfectly, and did so, with ten-foot spikes. Not only did he cast the perfect setting for this delusion and fantastical battle for the very soul of America in front of the White House, he accurately displayed with no small amount of panache, Trump’s penchant for lecherously dry-humping defenseless American flags, as well.

And right in front of Jesus, no less. Say what you will, but that’s some brass eggs being cast right there, even if dually, they are the size of a dehydrated jellybean. What I find truly hilarious though, is the fact that Trump’s facial expression in both sets of imagery, is almost identical:

Now, while I’m certain that this is no more than a bizarre coincidence, it’s still quite odd, given the number of images that the artist could have used for reference, and yet, he/she/they still chose, and this apparently on purpose, the one that in my eyes, makes him look like a constipated bullfrog having an orgasm.

However, I’m still genuinely puzzled as to what the artist was trying to convey here- Trump who one would assume, is in charge of the allegorical skirmish, is also the only one without the ability or the courage to do so.

Keep in mind, this craven not only dodged the draft with invented bone spurs, he also refused to testify in regards to both the Mueller Investigation and the J6 Committee, and when recently subpoenaed to present testimony in a NYC-based fraud prosecution, he took the 5th no less than 440 times.

But yeah… the mango man-child, is the Chosen One, destined to enter the fray of battle, and emerge victorious against all who would dare oppose him. Note that I said “Him”, because he sure as hell doesn’t care about anyone else save himself, and when it comes to this country… well, it’s probably akin to being one of his ex-wives- he’ll use us for the tax deduction, but he’s okay if we have to be dead first, if that’s what’s required for him to qualify.

This mix of politics and quasi-religion is nothing new by American standards, [See; “Reaganism”] but I’d dare say that it’s never been nearly as virulent as it currently is now.

And the people who mainline it as if it were I let loose inside a Ding Dong factory, are quite literally, just a debunked conspiracy theory away from going full cuckoo, as evinced by this not-insane-at-all observational post, from a person whom I can only hope after briefly interacting with him, has no easy access to anything even remotely resembling an arsenal.

In advance, I apologize for its length, if not its sheer insanity, but sometimes ya gotta break a chicken farm’s worth of eggs, to make an oblivious omelet:

Wow. Just… wow.

Granted, there’s a lot to unpack here, but I still find myself leaning towards the assessment that Democrats are “terroristic tyrant terrorists terrorizing our freedom of speech” as the best unhinged tongue twister that has ever been crafted by a brain this cracked, their obviously twitching hands down. What can I say? I just love delusional word play, and there’s plenty to be found within this mental breakdown masquerading as a religious fugue.

What I’m not digging however, other than the bad grammar, muddled rationale, and inherent paranoia, is the barely contained seething rage directed towards all things unfamiliar by this eventual cautionary tale to society, if not the several differing agencies of law enforcement. I say this due to Andre’s numerous references to Death and the waging of War, that he’s sprinkled throughout his rant as if they were cancer croutons.

If one looks closely at the compiled list of Andre’s metaphorical issues with today’s society, coupled with his deliberate perverting of the Word into a weaponized cudgel to justify going after everyone and everything that Andre detests, ranging from Democrats (of course) to Gender Awareness, (naturally) it becomes fairly obvious that somewhere along the line, the once gleaming pinnacle of his Faith has besmirched zealotry.

And while it’s exceedingly rare for me to seriously and non-sarcastically, suggest that any of the persons I write about pose a potential threat to the citizenry around them, but if I were to do so just this once, Andre here, would-be at the top of my go-to list for a long-overdue mental evaluation and this, most definitely within the confines of a secured room wallpapered in the manner of a fortified bouncy castle.

And naturally of course, I just had to infer that in my retort, albeit in the nicest way possible:

Never let it be said that even with my overbearing sense of inherent cynicism, that I can’t be concerned about the mental well-being of others. And Andre, being such a noble paragon of his alleged Faith, made sure to display as much of it as humanly possible, in a response that could do no thong less than make Jesus openly weep that Ander was mistakenly recruited to play for his team:

Damn. That is harsh, is it not? No wonder Jesus ducks Andre’s friend requests, as if they were a cadre of Roman legionnaires camped outside his resurrection cave. Now as to what this Mormon moron is referring to in regards to his wordplay, is the concept of Reprobation, which in Christian theology, is a dogmatic belief which imparts that a person can reject the gospel to such a point that God in turn, rejects them and curses their conscience, which is ironic, since God himself seems to lack one of any note.

However, Andre wasn’t done taking a cue or two from his sociopathic Sky-daddy just quite yet, and decided that he most certainly needed for some strange reason, to prove just how far he could get his own head down the rabbit hole, and up his own ass:

If this is the best spiritual warriors that God can recruit for his “A” team, it makes perfect sense then that his “B” squad is comprised mostly of people whose home decorating taste resembles that of a Hobby Lobby located inside the bathrooms of Forever 21. But all jokes aside, Andre, for all of his obvious intellectual flaws, does represent rather succinctly, just what modern-day Christianity has become- hateful, unhinged, and given the right circumstances and odious guidance, possibly dangerous.

And realizing this, I did what I always do when dealing with someone who might be dangerously compromised intellectually- I poked him with a stick:

Once again, I’d like to call attention to my concern for both Andre and the court-ordered professionals, who most certainly, will be dealing with him down the road. I told you I was nice. Somedays, it’s like you don’t know me at all. But this kind of disturbed clapback such as it is, only serves to reinforce the proof of the disconnection that these blasphemous blockheads have in concern to both Logic and Humanity, and no matter where you throw your gaze, you’ll see the definitive indication of such, almost everywhere:

But after such a rather disturbing run of commentary, I do believe that collectively, we could use a small injection of the patently absurd, so I’d like to ease in to this newest of topics, by starting off our Carousel of Crazy with a far-lighter and humorous first installment

Before I dive in to this fantastical fever-dream with my usual sensitivity and assessment, some background context first, if I may: Mr. Woodford here, was in medical terms, “clinically dead”, a condition generally put in play by cardiac arrest, wherein there is termination of both blood circulation and breathing, which as we all know, are somewhat important in maintaining the continuance of one’s life.

When it comes to what is defined as a stereotypical case of clinical death, the progression is as follows: consciousness is lost within several seconds, while assessable brain activity ceases within 20 to 40 seconds. As the episode of CD advances, the risk of ischemic injury, which can cause potentially fatal blood clotting issues in regards to the body’s vital organs and tissues, is a constant concern. Granted, while blood flow can be stopped in the entire body (below the heart) for up to 30 minutes, the danger of permanent damage to the spinal cord, cannot be taken lightly.

Interestingly, while bone, tendons, and skin, can survive within a range of 8 to 12 hours, I’d suggest however, that if one has been turned into the mental equivalent of a carrot or more accurately, that of the intellectual void possessed by your standard Trump voter, then maybe accepting Death at face value, would really be the best option to go with, overall.

To note: I don’t believe in “near-death” experiences, given the fact that I’ve had two serious brushes with Death itself, and walked away with zero tales to tell, and when it comes to those who claim that they’ve been to Heaven, Valhalla, Ioka, or a Chili’s that serves truly edible food, I give even less credence, but I digress. However, despite my inherent and valid cynicism, if thinking magically truly brings you joyful purpose, then far be it from me to deflate your sadly delusional bubble,

That having been said, if you’ve had such an experience, and place your stock in that it was a divine vision over that of it being a far more credible organic hallucination brought on by the trauma of the traumatic event that put you in that position, I’m afraid my skepticism will eventually rise to the surface somewhat. Here’s the rub, as it were- if afterwards it causes you to seriously reevaluate some things in your life for the better, I honestly think that’s nothing but a positive.

On the other hand, however, if it turns you into a wandering prophet spreading a message of cheerfully disingenuous lunacy, I ain’t getting in bed with that, no matter how good your sales pitch is. If you’ve truly been to the Promised land, and all that you can describe to me is that the Golden fields were running amuck with babies and horses, I’m going to be very disappointed, unless within that declaration, you can also inform me, that said horses were riding the babies bareback, as their eternal reward for putting up with humans riding them. .

Given the rumor that Satan has complimentary lap dancers for new arrivals, and with only a three-drink minimum and no cover charge as well, you’re really going to need to bring your “A” game, if you want to get me willingly wading across the river Styx. And that in large part, is due to just how divisively spiteful so-called Christians present themselves to be:

How would he know” you’re a fake Christian, KC? Well, my first guess would probably be based on the actions and words of yours that they’ve observed, but that’s just me going for the blatantly obvious choice. But I’m sure that like all things, it’s just a matter of opinion, right? In fact, I’m sure with just a little research, I could easily prove that you’re a fine upstanding person of impeccable morality:

Oops. My bad. Never mind. Once again, for persons who declare from the rooftops that they’re all about practicing kindness, they do seem fairly touchy most of the time when called to do so, don’t they? But I’d hate for you to go away empty-handed, as you’re already dangerously empty-headed, KC, so let me grant you some advice and a personal observation.

First, it’s spelled “Atheist”, and second, if there ever was a (proxy)moron, it most certainly, is you.

Moving on, we come to the next interesting character quirk about the Religious Wrong, and that, is their declared propensity for dually fetishizing and justifying the threat of violence, whenever they’re challenged in respect to their thin as onion-skin principles. For people who allegedly serve an icon that promotes acceptance, love, tolerance, and fellowship, modern-day Christians seem far too eager to want to put a cap in somebody’s ass regardless of the supposed level of the provocation involved:

Despite Jesus saying in Matthew 5:44 that “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you”, today’s ever-increasingly psychotic defenders of the faith such as our future headline Koerner here, are just looking for a fight, even if they have to invent both it and the adversary that they’ll need to serve as the scapegoat for its fomentation.

I don’t wish to cast my net of aspersion far and wide, but I have serious reservations concerning the ability of people who willingly pose for selfies like this, and whom, as rumor has it, can’t pass a Confederate flag without touching themselves, of possessing the mental aptitude necessary to successfully overthrow the standing Federal government:Yup… nothing to see here folks, save for yet another garden variety American sociopath, taking a casual stroll through the cesspits of the Interweb, on his way to making yet another bad decision, based on nothing more than misplaced anger, stunning ignorance, and quite possibly, the undiagnosed after effects of being your own father.

This right here boys and girls, is what the underbelly of the Religious Wrong rests on- the self-declared moral righteousness of the testicleless twits that comprise not only the nucleus of the Gravy Seals and Meal Team Six, but also the putrid prophets of faux patriotism, who after they’ve taken America from the clutches of said imaginary enemies, will turn it back into the full-blown Theocracy that it never was.

For the record, both of these cultural impediments represent the Genocide, Slavery, Elitism, Misogyny, Racism, and Colonization that this was country was corruptly founded on, and the Bible represents the velvet glove that was used to jam said moral contradictions down the allegorical throats of everyone who wanted a far more equitable society.

Guns are the enforcement aspect of the hypocritical hydra, and as for the Bible, it serves as the propaganda that attempts to soothe and distract the embattled mass, as it disingenuously rationalizes as to why the force that’s being applied, as unfortunately so necessary. However, I would like to, if I may, hasten to correct the false narrative