Wayne Michael Reich

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Wayne Michael Reich

Leyba of Love, PT. 1 (Walter for Elephants)

“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.”
– Wayne Dyer

Greetings Bitchiteers!

Man, it has been one stressful stretch in my life, as of late. Me and my Gt are in the process of buying the house we’ve been renting for close to three years, I’ve just been through yet another round of some rather intensive medical testing, and to top it all off, recently found myself being forced to finally excise two former long-term friends permanently out of my life, in a move that is perhaps, the healthiest option open to me, if I want to maintain the value I’ve ascribed to my sense of self-respect.

While it’s difficult enough to harbor unpleasant assumptions that you hope against hope are no more than your imagination being overactive, it’s no less than an icepick to the heart when it’s proven to you beyond reproach that your initial premise may have been a tad bit underestimated, given the aspect that in regards to such, the subjects of your soul-crushing decree had seemingly left them unaffected. 

Granted, this overdue inference of mine had been coming down the allegorical pike for quite some time, but to claim or otherwise believe that it was, or has been, an easy verdict to issue, would not only be highly specious at best, it would wholly discredit the valid reasons behind my impetus to do so, at worst.

But c’est la vie and all that, for what is done is done, and will remain so until the stars burn out. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me one-hundred-and-seventy-three times, well… it’s still on you, but I’m the one walking around with the shattered contents of an egg farm all over my face because of it. Live and learn, laugh and love, and next time, honestly judge the situation at hand by listening to your gut, and not the emotional bitch listening to The Cure in a darkened corner of your psyche, which is currently crying its heart out over a half-eaten pint of Hagen-Daz.

Speaking of crying, does the modern-day conservative movement ever take a break from doing so? I mean… for people who’ve spent the last five years calling everyone who correctly called them out for their abominable ignorance “snowflakes”, they’ve consistently shown that their collective skin is stretched thinner than Jocelyn Wildenstein’s.

And this boys and girls, is a direct result of what transpires when you allow your paste-eating child to binge-watch 1987’s “Beauty & the Beast “ TV series in its entirety, over the course of a weekend. But this monstrosity of dimwitted diminutiveness?

This is what arises when your political and humanistic philosophies are drawn from not only bumper stickers and the conspiracy theories displayed upon them, but in addition, dutifully accept the delusional rants of a sociopathic Oompa-Loompa, into your blackened heart and intellectually desiccated brain, as the highest of Gospel.

Concerning such, let us consider our now deposed and thrice-married Fanta Fascist, who, when not raw-dogging porn-stars, offered sage gems of insight such as this one, in regards to the then hot-button topic of gay marriage: “It’s like in golf… A lot of people – I don’t want this to sound trivial – but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive… it’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”

Sure you are, Donny. That’s why you keep trading in your mail-order brides for younger and younger floor models. At this rate, you’ll be hanging outside pre-schools, looking for dates. But on the upside, you can split the Uber there with Matt Gaetz, so that’s a plus. 

Honestly, I wasn’t aware that abominable lapses of moral character such as adultery, disingenuousness, fraud, and treasonous cowardice were ‘traditions” to be respected, but it is a new age, after all, and it’s so hard given the advanced state of his, for him to keep up with what’s hip these days. But if I were to give him credit for anything, maybe it should be for his sense of originality: “The line of ‘Make America great again,’ the phrase, that was mine, I came up with it about a year ago, and I kept using it, and everybody’s using it, they are all loving it. I don’t know, I guess I should copyright it, maybe I have copyrighted it.”

Never mind that this phrase was one of Ronald Reagan’s better-known if not over-exhausted campaign slogans, because being ever the visionary, Donny Dementia here, made it truly his own, and then ran with it, as if he were fleeing from yet another one of his failed marriages or business ventures. But I repeat myself.  And lest we forget, he also claimed sole authorship of the phrase “priming the pump” in an interview with The Economist in May of 2017, despite its actual insertion (as an economic reference) into the American lexicon via a 1933 Wall Street Journal article.

To quote the copying cad; “We have to prime the pump,” (In relation to stimulating the US economy) “Have you heard that expression used before? Because I haven’t heard it. I mean, I just … I came up with it a couple of days ago and I thought it was good. It’s what you have to do.”

Now, if I were truly a sadist, I could go on for days and maybe even months, listing every stupid-as-f**k thing that Donald Trump has ever uttered out of that sewer he calls a mouth, aided by that pustulant worm he calls a tongue, but I will forgo doing so, if only for the fact that my Marquis de Sade costume is still at the cleaners, and due to my love of Sour Cream & Onion Pringles, I can no longer fit into my Vlad Tepes one.

However, I can still have some never-ending fun with his base of insolent, ill-informed, and ideologically impotent modern-day Confederates, even if I have to forgo laughing in their pinched hog-like faces in favor of doing so from behind the relative security of an IBM Thinkpad, sitting serenely in my Star Wars Underoos, drinking a steaming-hot cup of Earl Grey. And yes, you will need a cadre of some seriously armored mind-worms to get that image out of your head, and trust me… it’s gonna be way harder than you think.

Seriously. I’m not kidding. I once wrote a piece about posing nude for a fellow artist several years ago, and I’m STILL getting hate mail about it. along with the occasional marriage proposal from guys typically named Scott or Brad. However, I’ll digress for now, if only to progress the narrative, as well as quelling the incessant paranoia that if I was ever to find myself sentenced to prison, I’d get passed around like a premium carton of black-market cigarettes.

This opinion of course, is solely based on the accompanying selfies and requests I usually get with said proposals, and if they are to be trusted, my dance card is gonna be booked solid.

Speaking of a full schedule entertaining the shallow end of the gene pool, I find myself yet again, standing on its fetid banks, observing the newest batch of its delusional denizens, struggling to make both landfall and a political impact before their de facto leader turns back into his true form, that being a barely sentient pumpkin allegedly dipped in Russian hooker urine, and warmly swaddled within a Chinese-made American flag.

A flag that represents a country whose diversity they despise, values that they betray, and humanist ideals that collectively, they refuse to rise to the challenge of. I’ve often said it before, and I’m sure I will be forced to say it again, but we, as a nation entire, should be supremely grateful that those people currently demanding the equality they have always deserved without question, are willing to settle for just that, versus enacting justifiable revenge for their societal disbarment from it.
Color me curious, but why is it that the majority of those who so stridently self-identify as poster-children for the cleanest distillation of American ideals, seemingly have no concept of what those actually are? If I were to ever condescend to have an in-depth conversation with these red-hatted twunts, I’m fairly certain that I’d have to break out hand-puppets for them to understand that this, the land that they’re supposed to represent, isn’t supposed to come with segregated water fountains or bathroom based bigotry as an add-on.

And while most would claim that their POV, erroneous as it is, stems strictly from the all-too-real intrinsic of White Privilege alone, I’d also argue that there’s a fair dose of not only rancid Humanity and unfounded hubris comprising the moronic melange cake mix that they mainline as if it were Heroin, but an equal addition of ignorant fear yeast as well. After whipping up an egg-white base of the purest of Caucasian conspiracy theories to create your base, inject what was once its stable center with some blatant racism, generously apply an Oompa-Loompa colored icing, garnish with equal parts of misogyny, homophobia, graft, treason, narcissism and linguistic incompetence… and voila!

You’ve now created a confection so unpalatable it needs to pay sugar to lay on top of it, pretends far superior treats are its closest friends, and requires mass display in order to forget that no serious cooking show would ever want to recreate it. However, if one devotedly follows the recipe obviously cribbed from the liner notes of the sequel to Mein Kampf, known as Mein Küche, the end result should look like this:

On the upside, if he’s occupied by dry-humping this Flag, then he can’t be sexually assaulting the women around him, so I guess when you look at it, the hefty dry-cleaning bill to safely sterilize that very same flag could almost be regarded a charitable contribution to the community at large. One in theory, that could be declared a legitimate tax deduction, come April 15th.

But even though the intellectual curiosity of what happens when you cross-breed a 55-gallon drum of dime-store-bronzer with a boiled ham wearing a toupee has been fully sated, there are still questions that remain, a trail of human devastation to survey, and some serious lessons to take to heart. One of the most prevalent is that despite the election that deposed our homegrown Fanta Fascist, this nation is still infested with the collective Republican Renfield he fomented and then, later on, weaponized.

Should anyone not have seen this coming” After all he did publicly say the following: “See, the first group, I was nice. ‘Oh, take your time.’ The second group, I was pretty nice. The third group, I’ll be a little more violent. And the fourth group, I’ll say get the hell out of here!”  This vitriol, directed at anyone who would dare to not show the Mango Mussolini the respect that he so richly did not deserve, has been listed as a factor in several assaults by Trumps slack-brained fan base.

Case in point: “Maybe he should have been roughed up, because it was absolutely disgusting what he was doing. I have a lot of fans, and they were not happy about it. And this was a very obnoxious guy who was a troublemaker who was looking to make trouble.” And who could ever forget this gem? “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.”

And his fateful words on January 6th, which will go down as one of the darkest days in the history of this country: “You will never take back our country with weakness.” This, tucked away in the rotting flesh of a spoiled child’s rant full of falsehoods and self-aggrandization poorly disguised as a speech

Yep. I for one, given his track record of calm and thoughtful introspection, am shocked that his followers committed an act of sedition, by storming the Capitol, defecating on its floors and walls, calling for the death of not only key senators within, but then-VP Pence as well, murdered one cop, injured over 130 others, and lost several of their own, as their president, who was gleefully watching the carnage he caused on TV, continues to deny both responsibility for his incitement, and the lack of action in regards to protecting our democracy, and its selfless stewards who were willing to protect it with their lives.

BLUE LIVES MATTER TO US, the GQP says. MY ASS THEY DO, say I.

This cabal of openly treasonous bootlickers, respect law enforcement very much in the same way they respect marital fidelity, directly stated sexual consent, the Bible, Democracy, and their Oath of Office, which to be fair, is not worth half as much as the federally-backed paper they’re given by lobbyists to sell it short.

There’s an apt passage contained within the holiest of books the GQP thumps, but has never read, and it’s just chock-full of proclamations and teaching moments, as dictated by a Prophet and his overbearing Father, who for whatever reason, thought we all needed a celestial monkey on our backs for eternity.

And whereas these so-called Christians interchangeably name drop these two as if by doing so, they’ll be able to acquire those full-access VIP wristbands at the AVN, they seemingly are completely unfamiliar with the finer details of their collective work. One such passage that highlights this inward disconnect, is Matthew 6:24 (KJV) which notes that; “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.””

An edict that modern-day Conservatives obviously misinterpreted as “You can serve God, but only as long as he’ shares the physical attractiveness, intellect, and color reminiscent of a jar of spoiled marmalade.”
Damn. Even I have to admit, they nailed that description dead flat.

And may I also offer the sincerest of apologies to the Oompa-Loompa community for my repeated insistence on using them as a visual punchline to what is at best, a lazy joke. But if it’s any consolation, there’s always the possibility that they in retaliation, could feed him to a few random packs of Whangdoodles, Hornswogglers or Snozzwangers, which of course, would allow them to add one more song to their already amazing repertoire of musical improvisation.

Take a minute and think what these choral cats could do with all the source material he’s already provided. By the time they were done castrating him musically, he would be begging, begging I tell you, to trade places with Veruca Salt, and he and his dad had a far worse relationship than those two ever did.

“Oompa Loompa, doompadee doo, I’ve got an American pariah for you.
Oompa Loompa, doompadah dee, It was all lies, as we so obviously see.

Who do you blame when your Prez is a prat? Ranting and raving like a meth-addicted twat?
Shaming his words is a truly fun game, but we know exactly who’s to blame…

His mother-f**king Father!

Oompa Loompa, doompadee dah, If you’re a Fascist, we’ll hang you from a bar.
America will be disgusted by you forever, my boo, just like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do!”

As regular readers of my screeds already know, I’ve previously written at length (naturally) about our now exiled Fanta-tinted Twittler-tot, and his fact-challenged fan base, paying particular regard to the very real threat that they still pose to America’s societal center. I’ve attempted to do so, with both a wry sense of cynical sarcasm, and a healthy portion of valid statistical evidence, in order to make the miasma of the disagreeable realities that I need to highlight, far more palatable for one to intellectually digest.

You know… like you have to do, when writing about individuals who collectively, possess the academic and emotional maturity of a drunken urinal cake?

It’s one thing to say “Not my President”, as most of America and its allies did with Herr Chump, but it’s one hell of a leap down the rabbit hole to still be saying “He’s not the President”, months after election results have been settled and then reanimated, as if a horde of necrophiliacs were cruising the morgues, looking for a cold date. The demographic of dunces that still insist that the 2020 election was “stolen”, despite the fact that not one shred of credible evidence exists to prove that this is so, are also, let’s face it- the type of people who most likely, require an instruction label on toilet paper.

That’s why these morons were buying so much of it. After all, practice makes perfect, especially when you consider that their extra-wide asses at this point, must be insanely jealous of all the s**t that so freely spews out of their never-closed mouths. Not to mention, you just have to love their devotion to flying the “Trump 2020” campaign flag, and continuing to openly sport “Trump 2020” campaign t-shirts that hide their yellow bellies, as well as the red ballcaps that keep their empty craniums warm. It’s truly adorable.

No matter how you slice it, wearing the months-old overpriced merchandise of your failed candidate doesn’t mark you as pathetic at all, no-siree-bob. If anything, it makes you a maverick. A rebel. A true patriot. A “real” American. A lone wolf who, despite being among an even larger group of other alleged lone wolves, stands apart, due to their rugged individuality. You definitely never see Democrats doing that, now do you?

Nope. Those Socialist-Communist-Libtard-Babykillers, actually put their stuff away after the election was over, if you can believe such a thing. And you just know deep in your heart, that their assemblage of said political paraphernalia, was stored in a cruelty and volatile plastics free box, made from at least 80% recycled materials, and sealed with organic duct-tape.

Those un-American bastards. Not like the GQP, the last true bastion of immortalized partisan heroes.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many t-shirts, political buttons, and hats I see in an average week, either picturing or referencing, Republican icons such as Nixon, the Bushes, both Senior. and Junior, and the Great Communicator himself, Ronald Reagan. Granted, most of the text on these items either states that they’re war criminals or crooks, and usually in addition, suggest that these fine men of reputation should undertake a singular act of sexually pleasuring themselves without the benefit or aid of a companion, but we all know this sentiment comes from a place of love and respect.
But when it comes to the Left, you never see a Clinton or Obama anything anymore. Nor do you ever hear of them holding indoor rallies during a pandemic either, like our former Cheeto-In-Chief continues to do. It’s almost as if they recall that they were public servants, and not a pompous Valencia-tinted figurehead, desperately seeking their next fix from a cravenly cult of personality.

Decidedly, it’s transparently obvious that our resident xenophobic sweet potato only continues to do this due to his being unable to sustain a healthy election, which has limited his marketability to future mistresses that he’ll later marry, and then proceed to cheat on. Besides, since it’s well known that every woman he’s ever been with sexually always finishes herself off in the bathroom afterwards, there’s no need to dwell on the socially prurient. Nonetheless, I’ll deviate for now, just so I can move the story along.

Referencing such, I’ll be introducing you to a duo of political chew-toys that this here Artbitch has recently acquired from within his local community, and in the process of doing so, give an update of sorts regarding what’s been going on with some of the ones I’ve written previously about. If you’ve been following my literary musings the last few months, you’ll recall a few of them, I’m sure.

First to appear on my dance card of New Mexican cerebral mediocrity, was one Ruth Darlene Seawolf, a self-avowed Christian, and definite future candidate for an unwanted mental health intervention, by her formerly closest family members. Subtle hint: when your own sister tells you that you’re in a “cult”, and your response is to (in your own words) “rebuke her”, odds are good that you’re in a cult, and a f**ked-up one at that.

The lone exception being that you’ve traded in the standard robe and tambourine for an “All Lives Matter” window decal, a “Trump 2020” yard sign that you’re still proudly displaying, and a list of enemies, both real and imagined, that you’re supposed to obsess over, as you post psychotic drivel like this on Facebook:

Yep… nothing too unsettling about this at all, is there? References to Trump as a Christ analog, betrayed by a personal Judas, prophecies straight from the “Mouth with more than one tongue”, which I can only assume is some form of Cthulhu that sidelines as an adult film actor, and the bullshi**ing “prophet” who promotes such, and closing off with a passive-aggressive warning that “all” (whatever that is) will be exposed to the world, as if All was Louie CK’s method for auditioning a new secretary.

Nothing to see here, folks. Especially the rational. This zucchini of zealotry reads less as a statement of political ideology, and more like the preamble to a list of demands from a group of radical Islamists in an 80’s action movie. Come to think of it, I did ask my readers in the earlier piece I had written wrote about her to; “just take a moment and appreciate the fact that she might possibly have the most badass surname? I mean… “Seawolf”? That’s the name of a Bond supervillain, and it absolutely rocks. Granted, she might not have the standard hollow volcano lair or the army of jump-suited minions, but you know she’s seriously working on it.”

An opinion I still stand behind. And may I add, twice as comfortably as I did before.

For quite some time now, Seawolf has allegedly been the target of a siege of scorn, and has recently, been placed under the corporate microscope of her employer, for not as she sees it, her online postings advocating social takes that are at the best of times, ludicrous, uninformed, or based in psychotic paranoia, but because, as she likes to claim to anyone who will listen, and brays even harder to those who don’t; “I am a Christian who stands for what I believe”, an assertion so far from the Truth that even her mango man-crush is impressed by her commitment to it.

Yes Ruth… it’s all because you’re a Christian. It has nothing to do with your alleged past history of being a virulent anti-masker, an intolerant hypocrite, or even your belief that Democrats are involved with, and in your words once again, the overseers of; “Satanic Worship” Sacrifice! Blood Sacrifice! Pedophilia! HURTING CHILDREN!”

Somewhere sitting on a cloud, right now, the mythical God just has to be thinking to himself;

For those of you whom have been truly blessed to never having been cursed with the contradictory hypocrisy that is modern-day religion, Exodus 20:16 (KJV) simply states: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour”, something that Seawolf does almost as consistently as she brags about being submissive to her imaginary friend.

Shockingly after a while, the assorted neighbors as it were, tend to get sick of that disingenuousness, and start speaking up, which for a normal person, would and should, inspire them to engage in a moment of personal introspection, but I guess that Ruth has been too busy dealing cards from the bottom of the “I’m the real victim here” deck to bother. Amusingly, I could easily go on for more than a few paragraphs in regards to this morass of canonized Christian cray-cray, but time is short, and there’s still so much to get to, so I’ll save that chapter for my next literary walk through the Trumptonian universe.

Pinky swear.

Following this absurdity, I topped it via the personage of one Ken Cykala, a man so full of unfounded White Pride, that if Nabisco ever opened a baked bigotry division using his personality as a template, their signature cookie would look like this:
At this point, I’ve written about Barbie’s favorite Aryan analog accessory no less than three times now, highlighting his penchant for posting false or misleading crime statistics, White paranoia, and of course, his bloated bias, wrapped in the most rancid of xenophobic conspiracies. Quite honestly, he’s a Caucasian cornucopia, that keeps dispensing gems of culturally sensitive wisdom such as this;And don’t you for a second, think that Ken doesn’t have a range when it comes to his POV- as a middle-aged White man, he’s obviously more than qualified by Nature alone, to tell the black community at large how they should feel via a meme, right after he posts another one that says “USA is not systematically racist”, despite all evidence to the contrary. By way of example, let’s view one of his abominable comments, concerning just what the African-Americans in this country should do:

Yeah… I for one, can’t imagine why all those uppity Negroes aren’t more appreciative that “we” saved them from a lifestyle that we propagated for close to 200 years. What nerve.

Just because “we” then made sure that they weren’t given the right to vote, or allowed to attend certain public schools and colleges, denied Black WW2 veterans access to the benefits of the GI Bill, as well the right to eat, live, and work where they wanted, and mandated that interracial marriages were illegal, as “we” to this day, refuse to grant them their constitutionally-protected educational, economic, and judicial justice equality, is no reason for them to be so rude about it, am I right?

In case any of you have forgotten just what Blacks should be “grateful” for, here’s a handy reference chart:

Remember though kids, according to our resident Mayor of Mayoville here, that the USA is not racist, and Black people should stop demanding those rights and privileges which “we” take for granted. And just in case Ken’s selective memory ever tries to claim that he doesn’t have a bigoted bone in his body, here’s a meme where he displays his fear of a culturally evolving society, using quite possibly, the most bigoted character ever to appear on American TV::Nothing to unpack here, I’m sure. For instance, whenever I reference how well I get along with my GF, I always like to post a photograph of Oscar Pistorius, to underscore my assertions, which of course, makes about as much sense as the majority of Ken’s opinions. However, despite possessing a worldview best abandoned in 1964 Mississippi, Ken actually does have friends. Sure, they may be as allegedly mentally vacuous as he is, but at least he’ll always have someone to talk to at a Tiki-Torch get-together.

And isn’t that what true friendship is all about? Having someone in your corner to lend a hand when you need help, to give emotional support when you’re down, and to lend a spare white robe when yours is still inexplicably stuck at the dry-cleaners. But enough about Ken’s casual Friday outfits, let’s talk about his brothers -in-smarm.

In my last screed, I acquainted you all with one of Ken’s fellow never-read-a book club members, who goes by the name of Richard “Ricardo” Leyba, and proceeded to share one of his blatantly uninformed opinions, most of which, consist of conspiratorial inanity like this:
While this level of paranoid delusion is indeed, truly impressive, Ken’s other buddy, a curmudgeonly demagogue by the name of Walter L. Cook Sr, goes one better, and raises the simpleton stakes by throwing down this bit of lunacy onto the political poker table:
I have to admit. I am thoroughly impressed. To have the ability to tie together the JFK assassination, the horrors of 9-11, and COVID-19 as all part of a Deep State agenda secreted within the very same government that failed at the War on Poverty, Terror, Education, Drugs, and if you listen to FOX News, Christmas, is a feat of mental gymnastics that would make even Alex Jones jealous.

Seriously. He’s probably sitting in his underwear at home right now, watching a program concerning the Freemasons on the Hitler Channel, and seething palpably into his bowl of Pizza Rolls as I type this. Let’s face it, when you’re getting telegrams from the late Sergei Nilus himself, congratulating you on the level of bullshit you’ve acquired, you just know you’re on your way to becoming nothing less than an inspiration for the great and ignorant mass that votes Republican.

Sorry, I meant to say; “that votes cult”, as that’s what the GQP has become. And not even an interesting one at that. While the Hebrews had the decency (by comparison that is) to blindly worship a Golden Calf, today’s modern Conservative has chosen to hitch what may remain of their souls to a man who’s never been accused of having a functioning one. Need proof? Well, there’s always this, for a start:
A scientific aside for a moment, if I may- according to Biologists, the only life forms that are theoretically “forever”, are Jellyfish, Flatworms, (AKA: Planarian worms) and a poly-extremophilic bacterium, known as Deinococcus radiodurans. Other animals that may lay claim to an almost immortal existence, are (curiously enough) Turtles and Lobsters, which unlike Donald Trump, women are actually willing to put into their mouths for free.

But parallels can still be drawn twixt the two groups- much like Trump, jellyfish have no spine, flatworms have no definable intellect, and Deinococcus radiodurans can survive high dose of radiation, akin to how Trump is unaffected by the cancerous side-effects of the dime-store bronzer he wallows in. If you take factor in the previously mentioned turtles and lobsters, the circle can be closed tight, considering he has the physique of a turtle, and the coloration of an overcooked lobster as well.

I would point out, that a guy who’s said; “Till Death do us part”, no less than three times in front of witnesses and mythical God himself, and yet remains very much alive after he gets caught committing adultery yet again, isn’t really the best definition of “Forever”, that you should try to hang your shingle on, champ.

The fact that this gaggle of GQP goblins still swallow this man’s venomous fake-oil elixir, despite all of the evidence attesting to his history of fraud, incompetence, fatuous falsehoods, political and financial failures, sexual predation, and outright treason, is in and of itself, not all that shocking when you dissect why that is. These people, the marginalized, the mentally ill, the paranoid, the uninformed, and the hateful, finally have a very public champion flying their flag, and even if he causes the destruction of whatever they love, including themselves, they’re more than fine with it.

In their warped psyches, this lemming-like devotion somehow translates to “Owning the Libs”, and all that it implies, I guess. Spoiler alert, Magamorons- the only thing you guys have ever truly “owned” without question is yourselves, and yes… there’s a meme for that opinion of mine as well:
Oblivious self-irony may not be a character flaw exclusive to Conservatives, but I’m hard-pressed to recall any other ideological group that does it so consistently well, for lack of a better descriptive. Quite candidly, if I didn’t know better, I might suggest that these two were engaged in a friendly Gentlemen’s Bet, just to see whom could prove to be a bigger embarrassment to their immediate family, while simultaneously serving as prime examples as to why the American public school system so desperately needs to be better funded than our military.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. While both of these Beta-Cucks hoping one day to be mistaken for Alphas, may allegedly possess letters of apology from the condom factory cleverly disguised as their birth certificates, that’s still no reason for me to be so hard on them, is it? Even the fact that they could hide their own Easter eggs, and although there may be others who, after reading their drivel online or worse, are exposed to it in person, may feel the need to suggest that these two may be as sharp as a sock full of soup, I myself, would still never stoop to advocate for such a low-slung opinion regarding their personal character.

Instead, I would take the proverbial high road, and subtly infer that if this duo ever shared a clever thought between them, odds are that most likely, it would die alone and terrified. And since at this point, it is truly impossible to underestimate them, I would also have to call attention to that if either one was half as smart as they think that they are, they’d be twice as smart as they actually happen to be. For as the Russian saying goes concerning *консервативные конфетные задницы; Pазумные мысли всегда следовали за ними, но они были быстрее.”

Rough translation? “Intelligent thoughts have always followed them, but they were faster”.
*(Google it. Russian is a fascinating language.)

Speaking of Russians, one concept that Leyba truly fears, outside of Democracy, the LGBTQ and Minority communities having equal access to White people stuff, women’s body autonomy, a godless society based on logic, and in a personal guess based on his overall density presented thus far, the annual Starbucks Christmas coffee cup, is the “threat” of Communism, a political system that Leyba can’t define, but can meme about it like nobody’s business:This message of bravado from a man whom, as we shall come to see, is scared by the thought of having to wear a cloth mask in Walmart for five minutes at a time, transgender and gay people, the practice of free elections, vaccines, cultural diversity, and a God-free society, but please, carry on with your bad-ass self, Ivar the Spineless.This message of hypocrisy brought to you by a member of the political party that continues to fight against securing a living wage, healthcare for all, funding vital infrastructure, erasing student loan debt, ending predatory banking and payday practices, enacts unconstitutional voting laws, usurps women’s body autonomy and was the driving force behind the act of treasonous insurrection on January 6th, 2021, but tell us more, Tsarevich.Well… this is awkward as f**k.

One, not everything you don’t like is “Communism”, Ricardo, just as everything I don’t like isn’t a willfully ignorant dumbass such as yourself. I was originally going to use corn on the cob as my go-to example, but then I remembered that unlike you, corn actually has fans. Second, for people who constantly whine about “cancel culture’ as it were, you guys sure do seem to spend a lot of time practicing it against companies who dare show the merest amount of support for Humanity, and not your faux Christianity in the form of a overtly vile Jackoff-in-the-Box..

But as I noted earlier, self-owning is the in thing you do better than anybody else, it’s just a shame that all of your “boycotts’ have been as successful as your attempts to overturn Roe vs Wade, criminalize legal protest, chill the free Press, and overthrow democracy. And before you start bleating it was “just a few companies”, here’s a partial list, culled from FIVE pages of such.

 AbbVie, Abbey Road Studios, Activision Blizzard, Adidas, Airbnb, Alaska Airlines, Amazon, Barclays Bank, Barnes & Noble, Bayer, Bergdorf Goodman, Ben & Jerry’s, BMW, Cartoon Network, Chick-fil-A, [Really? But they hate Gays as much as you do!] Chipotle, Chips Ahoy, Coca Cola, DIRECTV, Discord, Disney, Dollar Shave Club, Doritos, DoorDash, Fitbit:Foot Locker, Formula 1, FOX, Frosted Mini Wheats, Gatorade, GoDaddy, and last, but certainly not even close to being least, and I am not making this up… LEGO.

This I can only assume, is because all of the blocks are different colors, and the Mini-figs are always yellow. However, I’d still love to hear your take on how we’re always the bad guys here, Ricky. I’m sure it’s just as well thought-out as the rest of your vacillations of victimhood.

Now, so that they’ll be at least one topic he’ll actually be able to talk factually about, I present to Ricky Retardo here, the simplest breakdown of the two respective political ideologies he thinks are at odds with each other, in language that even he can understand. And if he can’t, then I guess we’ll have to break out the hand-puppets next. Communism: Nobody can be rich, except the already powerful. Capitalism: Anybody can be rich, except the already powerless.

In his limited defense however, I’m sure it’s kind of hard to read a number of academic books regarding political theory when your dominant hand is continually posting ore-fabricated opinions you’ve downloaded off OAN, and the other is pleasuring yourself at the thought of Mike Lindell finally getting to the bottom of that election fraud conspiracy. Screw you, so-called journalists, the pillow guy is here, and he’s about to serve up some evidence, that only the CEO of a low-quality pillow company previously fueled by crack-cocaine, could pull out of the murk that is the American political system.

I for one, cannot wait. And I’m sure it will be just as impactful as his totally not a train wreck at all, “Cyber Symposium” was. Getting back on track Leyba isn’t alone in his hypocritical embrace of the so-called “cancel culture”, his pal Walter likes to get his licks in too:Speaking for myself here, as I always do, but does it strike anyone else as odd that a guy who rails against immigrants and by the nature of such comments, the concept of outsourcing, to cheer the loss of much-needed American jobs by reveling in the fallout instigated by an allegedly effective boycott?

To be fair, I don’t know how many of those 1200 soon to be unemployed people voted for Trump, but it’d be logical to assume that some of them must have, so why is Wally so pleased to see his fellow MAGAmorons suffer? Well, as is usual with these sociopaths, who are one spice rack away from becoming Jefferey Dahmer, and only two bow-ties short of challenging Ted Bundy, it’s a mixed bag of cherry-picked truth, and wholly outright fiction.

But before I dive in, I want you to remember kids, the GQP is the one political entity who wants to protect the sanctity of our voting process, so that’s why they gerrymander districts, purge voting rolls, pass unconstitutional edicts, claim mail-in voting is fraudulent, which it is not, and when those measures failed, attempted to overturn an election by staging a coup.

This latest foray into disseminating faux outrage by people who mainline White anger the way Charlie Sheen once did white lines of Columbian fairy dust, is due to Coca-Cola’s very public stance against a new Georgia voting law specifically designed to make the Constitutionally-protected act of voting that much harder to undertake.

Targeted restrictions of this demographically specific Jim Crow measure, makes absentee voting harder, severely limits the quantity and availability of early voting drop boxes, and imposes penalties upon any person who isn’t an election worker, from offering food and drink to voters waiting in line. This by the way, is a blatantly obvious attempt to discourage free voting, as once the new limitations are put in place, casting ballots could now possibly take hours to do.

An accidental side-effect, I’m sure. What is not accidental however, is Walter’s exclusion of what the real facts behind this meme are to begin with, and I’m 100% certain his doing so had nothing to do with what truly occurred, wherein in no way, shape or form, did a supposed boycott influence Coke’s business decision. But why talk about what’s “real” when you can instead, choose to pretend that you and your inane ilk are relevant to the world as you see it?

And who’s more qualified to determine what should be classified as factual, than a guy who while ignoring American values outright, ham-fistedly defines what it is that makes an American a “real” American?I had no idea that a random quirk of the sperm cell that became you, being launched into your mother on the right side of an imaginary borderline, somehow made you by design, far more patriotic than say, my dad, who came here from Germany in the 1960’s. Go ahead and tell my dad he’s not a “real American” because he wasn’t born here. In fact, I dare you to do so, if only for the joy of watching him knock your teeth so far down your throat, you’ll have to shove food up your ass to eat,

Unfortunately for Wally, the reason behind Coke’s declining sales, which have resulted in this superficially minimal restructuring of its estimated 86,200 employee workforce, has f**k-all to do with a boycott led by alleged patriots, and everything to do with the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, which has raised production costs, and affected its overall sales, as close to half its revenue comes from its products being consumed outside (IE: restaurants) the home. 

But let’s jettison all that in favor of the fantasy that a bunch of fascist-worshiping red-hatted twat seditionists, who while unable to win respect, a presidential election, pr hold on to the Capitol building for more than a few hours, somehow managed to make one of the best-known companies in the world entire, their private bitch.  

For my part, I wish I possessed that kind of delusional optimism, as It’d be kind of cool to tell everyone who’d listen that at one point in my life, I had been dating Milla Jovovich, but had to dump her because my side action with Angeline Jolie was getting in the way. C’est la vie. As it tends to be with people like these who concoct connections that don’t exist, follow the thinnest of threads to erroneous conclusions, and see Deep State agents hiding in their underwear drawer, unfounded paranoia is not only expected, it’s a forgone conclusion.

And what’s better fodder for maintaining one’s paranoiac idiocy than believing in a worldwide false flag operation disguised as a viral pandemic? Once again, our toxically dense twat-twins using only the Internet and the alleged voices in their heads, have figured it all out:T
This warning brought to you by the very same people who cautioned us all about the “War” on Christians, White cultural heritage, the American flag, the National Anthem, guns, traditional marriage and gender roles, Dr. Seuss, and the right to say “Merry Christmas” out loud in public.

Yes… the very same party that encouraged people over a year ago to follow recommended health protocols and to listen to actual doctors versus a failed Reality TV show host, are the ones that want to kill you.

That’s why your President ignored the experts, mocked mask usage, refused to order additional vaccine doses, failed to enact a competent distribution plan for said dosing, suggested we inject disinfectant into our bodies, and let over 500K of the citizens he was supposed to protect die, as he received the best medical care and an experimental treatment for a virus whose imminent threat he depicted on Feb 26th 2020, as such: “The risk to the American people remains very low. We have the greatest experts, really in the world, right here”,

Adding further irresponsibility into what was already an out-of-control clusterf**k, and on the very next day no less, he then incorrectly declared that; “It’s going to disappear. One day- it’s like a miracle- it will disappear.” But let’s all thank the mythical God above you’re here to give us the straight dope regarding the alternative reality where Trump isn’t a complicit ally in fueling the devastation caused by his narcissistic incompetence, you delusional dumbass.

I’m not even going to address the sheer stupidity of the bumper sticker ideology Leyba and Walter cherry-pick to sanctimoniously slur the reputation of a dedicated public servant who’s served this country with distinction for over 4o years, but I will say this- if justification was ever required as to why swallowing would have been the far better choice for both of their mothers, as well as our democratic society at large, they willingly provide it with each subsequent post.

One might argue that calling out alleged imbecility like this is a non-productive approach, but I’d respectfully disagree with that sentiment. The intent of Evil festers best under the cover of darkness, and our collective letting it do so, is what led this country to the precipice of insurrection on January 6th. This is not the philosophies of the Left and Right clashing over a few minor points of civil contention, it is quite literally, a battle between rational thought and an ever-widening chasm of sociopathic madness, manifesting itself as a vacuous vortex.

And yes… you can quote me on that.

Speaking of empty voids that suck, let’s take a gander as to how our two puerile patriots, using their far-superior sense of morality based in of course, modern-day Christianity, or as it tends to present itself these days, as the fortuitousness to worship a mythical deity whose personal biases just so happen (GASP!) to align perfectly with yours.

What Are the odds of that?

This view concerning some of their fellow Americans, who for one reason or another, just don’t happen to fit the mold that these two were formed out of, is truly vile at best. Sorry, it just occurred to me that when I said “mold”, I was indubitably, referring to this kind;
and not the type that keeps producing all those FOX News bimbo clones, the majority of whom are primarily made from silicone, hair bleach, and random pamphlets espousing the NAZI Party’s Three K’s” *philosophy for women to pattern their lives and households after.
[AKA: “Kirche, Küche, Kinder”, which translates as “church, kitchen, children”)

Even if I were to hold out hope that their communal incognizance regarding the ills of Society could someday be hopefully cured by science, I’d also suggest that if it can’t, I’m perfectly fine with attempting to purify their clearly corrupted souls using the Waters of Lourdes. And if this ;Vatican Voodoo fails to work? Well… there’s always the option of sending them to a day spa, safely confined within the caldera of an active volcano. Which, in retrospect, would be a good way to familiarize them with as to where they’ll actually be spending Eternity.

As to why that is, it actually has less to do with their abominably selfish ignorance, as the modern-day concept of Hell is no longer akin to Dante’s Inferno, but is generally predicated on the fact that Jesus truly loathes having his name dropped by people who not only embarrass him, but misquote his best-selling biography all the time as well. Speaking as a writer myself, I can assure you that after a while, that sort of thing really gets under your skin somewhat.

According to all the stuff I see posted if not postured, by these sanctimonious sheep online about how “God is love”, I have yet to see it pouring out of his so-called followers with any sort of credible consistency. Anti-LGBTQ, anti-body autonomy, anti-Islam, ant-societal and scientific progress, anti-healthcare for all, anti-education, anti-immigrant, anti-democracy, anti-living wage, anti-free speech, but pro-gun and pro-war, which somehow, still allows them the wiggle room to claim the mantle of being equally pro-life, but only up to the point of birth.

After that point those kids can just go f**k the hell off, just like Jesus would want them to do.

What’s that you say? Jesus didn’t say or imply any of those things? Well, obviously your copy of the Bible must be really old. Feel free to borrow mine- I bought it off Trump’s website, and he claimed it’s the one he read every day while president, as it’s both his favorite book, and source of moral guidance. Hence the reason why he was privately counseling that pornstar, and then afterwards, out of the goodness of his hear, felt compelled to cut her a check for her favorite charity.

Not only was he nice enough to autograph it, on its cover, which looks suspiciously pristine, as if it was never cracked open, although I’m sure that’s due to his obvious reverence for the tome itself, if not its inherent lessons. For example, during a speech at Liberty University, he referenced one of its more well-known passages: “Two Corinthians 3:17, that’s the whole ballgame. … Is that the one you like? Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”

Sure, there may be a few among you who might correctly note that particular verse is to be found within “Second Corinthians”, and not “Two”, but hey… semantics.

But this verbal gaffe aside, Donny does know what speaks to him, and how best to express it. When asked what his favorite verse was, he seemed reticent to give a clear answer, and when pressed as to why that was, responded; “Because to me that’s very personal, You know, when I talk about the Bible it’s very personal so I don’t want to get into verses. The Bible means a lot to me but I don’t want to get into specifics.” And when it comes to his preferred section of his self-declared favorite book, be it the Old or New Testament, responded with, “I think it’s just incredible, the whole Bible is incredible,”

Well, I won’t speak for you, but that sounds like a truly plausible answer especially from a guy who also once said; “I have great relationship with God. I have great relationship with the Evangelicals, I like to be good. I don’t like to have to ask for forgiveness. And I am good. I don’t do a lot of things that are bad. I try to do nothing that is bad.“

Once again, when the question was pressed as to whether or not he’s ever asked God for forgiveness, Herr Twitler blurted; “I am not sure I have, I just go on and try to do a better job from there. I don’t think so, I think if I do something wrong, I think, I just try and make it right. I don’t bring God into that picture. I don’t.”

Yep… I can’t even begin to imagine why I have serious doubts about the sincerity of their Faith, given the fact that they’ve put Trump in the same parking spot once occupied by the Golden Calf. Nice upgrade, jackasses- I’m sure God approves of your addition to the celestial icon collection, irrespective of what the 2nd Commandment says.

So, without any further ado, let’s see some of that Christian “love” applied to issues of the day, which despite not affecting them at all, still compels them to hurl five-gallon-cans of ignorant starter fluid into the fires, nonetheless. If ever there comes a time when Jesus feels the need to add some new questions to his membership applications, these two will be part of the reason why he thought it was necessary.

A question came to mind after mu initially seeing this, and it is such: why is it that so-called straight conservatives think about gay sex more than the people who are actually having it? Nothing to unpack there, I’m sure.

I don’t want to pass any judgement based in cynicism here, but as a straight guy myself, I’ve always viewed having gay dudes hanging around as a plus- they’re not competition, and my acceptance, based on character and not context, as you should do with everyone, gives women the perception that I’m a thoughtfully sensitive kind of guy, which can only help get my pitch over the plate. Your dad managed to line up his shot one time, Ricky. How impressive.
I guess that makes up for all the time he missed, and bruised your mother’s belly button.

Not to be outdone when it comes to being overly obsessed with a demographic, he claims he wants no part of, Walter brings a new twist to an old trope, and gives us not only an insight into his own sexual anxiety, but adds a delightful smattering of hypocrisy as well: I may not be the smartest of men, but I’d like to believe that if I was going to attempt a defense what I considered to be a point of sexual morality, I wouldn’t reference an association that speaks for one of the largest charity-funded pedophiliac protection rackets to ever walk the Earth, just saying. What’s next, Walter? Going to ask Ghislaine Maxwell if she’d like to be a talent coordinator for the Miss Teen USA pageant?

Only Walter could get mad at a cartoon marketed to children, which is ironic, considering his intellectual level is far below that of its intended audience. And even better? You know if he was questioned about the show’s specific content, he wouldn’t be able to tell you anything about it, because that info wasn’t included in his “What are we angry about this week?” blast e-mail.

But Ricky, in my opinion, and as we shall come to see, isn’t content to let Walter hog all the fun concerning how total strangers go about their day-to-day lives, because he’s got a Bronze-Age book of fairy tales, orally passed down from illiterate goat-herders over hundreds of tears, to justify his preoccupation with a societal facet he’s never researched, talked to, or can be bothered to understand;And by the by, my Christard? The very book that you mentally hump the way a dog does a pillow, also says that you shouldn’t have tattoos, wear blended fabrics, get divorced, wear gold, eat shellfish, pull out during sex, cut your beard, allow women to speak in church, eat pork, tear your clothes, braid your hair, putting two seeds in the same crop, hold grudges, have sex during a menstrual cycle, use yeast in any grain offerings to the Lord, nor mistreat foreigners, something that Trumpeters like Ricky do as easily they slide over razor blades without cutting themselves.

However, this may be my personal favorite, for as Ricky referenced Deuteronomy to rationalize his unfounded bigotry, I now present passage 22:28-29 from the same, so that he can avoid choking on his own hypocrisy, because I’m certain there’s nothing within the previous list, or the mention to follow, that he’s ever done against the edicts of his imaginary friend.

To note: “If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found. Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.” Glad to know he was a virgin before he got married, otherwise, he’d have some ‘splaining to do, and who needs that kind of awkwardness in their lives?

But as the saying goes; “You can’t keep a good man down”, and apparently, that now applies to the bad ones too, as Walter comes squawking back with yet another anti-gay swipe bolstered by a fictitious promise from a deity I wouldn’t trust to hold my wallet, given how his employees spend his organizational cash:
For those of you who may be unaware of what that “promise” was/is, and why the delusional descriptive of “Mercy” should be attached to it as if a job coaching the girls’ basketball team at a junior high should be offered to Matt Gaetz, it relates to the parable of the fabled Great that6 is to be found within chapters 5–8 of the Book of Genesis. So why was there a flood in the first place, and what does it have to do with rainbows?

Well… here’s the totally rational explanation: 5 And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. 6 And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. 7 And the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.8 But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.”

So, to recap- God, who knows everything, including WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN, gave Man free will, knowing he would use it to turn his back on God,, and in a fit of sociopathically petty pique, decided to murder his own creations including almost all the animals, who had done nothing, based solely on his dissatisfaction with the deliberate design flaw that remember, he had full awareness of beforehand.

I could also mention the fact he slaughtered innocents as well, given the fact he only had the initial franchise located squarely in the Middle East at the time, but let’s ignore that, just like the Bible and Evangelicals do. Inconvenient continuity makes it harder to fleece the gullible, after all. Now, despite that he created all of the Universe in mere days, decided to grant Grace upon one family, who still possessed the defective code, to go and repopulate the earth entire through inbreeding and relaxed morality.

Nope. Not a gap in logic to be found here, boys and girls. Not. A. Single. One.  But where does the rainbow factor into all of this, you ask?

Once again, we refer to the edict from the Lord of the Wingsuits: 13 I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. 14 It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud;

15 and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. 16 The rainbow shall be in the cloud, and I will look on it to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” 17 And God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant which I have established between Me and all flesh that is on the earth.”

Other than the fact he repeats himself no less than four freaking times, the celestial sociopath promises us all that in the future, he will never again cover the entire earth with floodwaters, choosing as an alternative, to only allow the swath of his self-created wrath, to randomly kill and displace a couple hundred-thousand of the dominant species he demands unceasing loyalty and love from, instead.  

But hey, we do get a free trick of the light to remind us all what a great God he is in trade, so never forget just how lucky you are to bow and scrape before him and his truly f’d-up sense of bestowment. No matter how you look at it, Christians feel that they alone, own the rainbow, and despite Skittles saying you can taste it, and Lucky Charms making it into a marshmallow, these disciples of dimwittedness are truly determined as the hashtag on the meme so clearly states, to “#takingtherainbowback”, whatever the f**k that means.

But not to fear- if they take the rainbow back half as well as they’ve taken on stopping the teaching of Evolution, the right to get an abortion, the chilling of Atheism, and defending their incessant claims about being the true victims of intolerant bigotry to a rapidly disbelieving public, I’m sure they’ll have the rainbow back long before their savior is set to return.  And whatever you do, don’t remind them that he’s only missed that date about twelve times by now. They’re kind of touchy about it, given the fact of how many times they’ve bought one of those Hummus platters to celebrate his return, and had to watch it go to waste.

You “refuse to see “pride’ when you condescend to look at a symbol of dignified equality and societal acceptance? That’s okay. I refuse to look at you, and see a mentally-functioning human being, so it all balances out.

Fear of a fabulously gay rainbow aside, Ricky knows what else is responsible for the degradation of Christian values these days, and like most of his inane beliefs, it’s old enough to qualify as an antique. I am of course, referring to the scourge of modern culture, that being;Ahh, Hollywood. Tinseltown. The Land of Dreams. The Celluloid Capital. And depending on who you talk to, run by “The Jews”, “The Mob”, “Soulless Bastards”,”, “Talentless Hacks”, “Alien Overlords”, or if your source is a modern-day conservative, “A gilded off-ramp to Sodom and Gomorrah overseen by a Deep-State-financed cabal of Satan-worshiping pedophiles, who eat babies and drink their blood to remain young.”

While this last supposition might explain the ongoing appearance of Halle Berry, Tommy Lee Jones remains an enigma to the formula, despite all attempts to reverse-engineer it. I would point out that out of all of the social problems that Ricky obsesses over, this is literally the easiest one to fix. Well, maybe that’s too simplistic of a statement, considering that the solution to the majority of his invented drama is to just remove his cranium from his colon, but I’ll give this one the nod, because it’s just so goddamn stupid to begin with.

Crazy idea. Just hear me out. I know this may sound nuts, but just like having an abortion, willingly attending a gay wedding, or deciding to act more like a person and less like an alien lizard wearing an ill-fitting human skin-suit, you don’t actually have to give your money or your time in regards to anything you don’t want to partake of in the first place. Not now. Not ever.

And if your fellow Cafeteria Christians are doing so willingly and with regularity, maybe they actually want to, but lie about it where you’re concerned, because they know you’re more fixated on the sex lives and intimate clothing choices of self-identifying TG and gay strangers, than you are with your own, and don’t want to hear yet another dimwitted diatribe coming out of you.

Let me put it this way- nobody I know has ever admitted to me that they owned a copy of any Nickelback album, much less the nine they already have out there, but SOMEBODY has been buying them, and it can’t just be deaf people who like album cover art. Sadly though, we’re not out of the homophobic hamlet just yet, because our resident gonif of gender studies is back, and as usual, brought an opinion with him that’s unconstitutional, unpopular, unconceivable, and uniformed:A few points of order, if I may? First, there is a separation pf Church and State for a reason, and the motivation behind such is because of persons like yourself, whose understanding of the Constitution is as strong as their grasp on reality. Second, the last time I checked, “Gay” is not a religion, but a demographic composed of unique individuals, that our Democracy, unlike Walter recognize as actual people.

Therefore, my homophobic heterosexist, it does not violate this necessary delineation, in the same way that the icons and tenets of Christianity would do. I’d also point out as my third point Wally, that America has no “official” religion, and I might add, never will, given that whole First Amendment clause that you intellectual voids think only applies to you.

Obviously, while you’ve spent a great deal of your free time fantasizing about the day when the Bible is “back in school’, that’s also never going to happen either, unless you’re also correspondingly cool with Bahá’i‘s Seven Valleys, Buddhism’s Tipitaka, Hinduism’s Vedas, Islam’s Quran, Jainism’s Agamas, Judaism’s Tanakh, Shintoism’s Kojiki, Sikhism’s Guru Granth Sahib, Taoism’s Dao De Jing, Wicca’s Book of Shadows, and Zoroastrianism’s Avesta, being allowed equal access as well.

You know… since you’re so open-minded and all.

Wow. Over 10K words in, and thus far, I still haven’t given these two paint-by-conservative-numbers pinheads their full due just yet. If you could actually see the ever-growing stack of color-coded Post-It notes in my heard, regarding the fallacious beliefs of these closeted calamites, you’d think I was the one who had truly taken the rainbow back.

Since the land to be explored is still so vast, if not vapid-, I’m afraid I’ll have to split this narrative in ‘twixt:

Sigh… I didn’t mean “Twix”, I meant… oh, never mind. I have to do the wrap-up as a two-parter, that’s all. But far be it from me to end this screed without one last backhanded Snark swipe- it is me after all, and I do have a reputation of sorts to look out for. One other thing I keep an eye out for? The incongruous. The off-kilter. The things that could, in theory, be regarded with the suspicion that “Thou doth protest too much”, and all that such entails.

The prevalent thing that I’ve been observing, especially over the last few years, is just how much interest that conservatives have taken in the LGBTQ community, and at this point, I’m of the opinion that it’s no longer a question of these crypto-fascist Christians believing that their surmised morality is being openly attacked, but something far more insidious, and possibly bordering on a psychological disorder.  

And to close out this first chapter of this judgement of mine, Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present for your perusal, and straight from the source itself, Exhibit A:See? This is why I appreciate Ricky so damn much- he is quite literally, a self-propagating layer-cake of depleted uranium level density, and there’s no way I could ever adequately thank him for that. Mock him for it, sure, but even the score? I don’t see how that I could, short of teaching him how to use the Internet for doing actual research, versus filling his cerebral cortex with the ignorant intolerance he allegedly uses as stoking fodder when he finds himself alone with his memes.

Here’s the thing- I’ve never been harassed by anyone representing the LGBTQ community in regards to considering becoming either gay or transgender, but I have dealt countless times with the most sanctimonious of Bible-fellating dissemblers, threatening me with Hell, if I didn’t join their sociopath-worshiping cult. Go figure. 

Maybe it’s just me, but why would anyone who supposedly walks side by side with the alleged Creator of All, be such a total candy-ass when faced with a societal variable he can’t be bothered to understand, and which doesn’t affect his life in any way, shape, or form? If there were roving transgender gangs going around and coercing civilians into changing their sexual identities by force, then Ricky here might have a point, but since there aren’t and never will be, just what the f**k is he afraid of? Other than wondering if he’ll ever find that special off-the-shoulder cocktail dress that brings out his eyes, that is. I’m kidding of course, Mostly.

As I stated, I’ve never had any LBGTQ member try and intimidate me to join their tribe and by doing so, become absolutely fabulous, but there’s been a multitude of Christers who’ve never understood what the words “f**k off” truly means. Hint… it’s not “try harder”, just in case you didn’t know. Trust me on this, if I don’t want to be stuck in an elevator with you for twenty minutes, I sure as heck don’t want to spend my Eternity on a cloud with you, either.

Nevertheless, if I for one, had an omnipotent deity in my back pocket, I’d constantly be making S’mores in celebration. From inside the fire. While doused in gasoline cologne. Using sticks of TNT in place of the standard skewers, I might add. Ricky on the other hand, seems to be afraid of almost everything, and it leads me to the hypothesis that maybe, just maybe, he’s not as assured of his inherent masculinity as he claims to be.

Unless of course, you all think that it’s perfectly normal for an allegedly straight guy to think this much about bother people’s genitalia, and what they decide to do or not with it. Not to mention, I love how he takes artistic liberty with the work of Dr, Seuss, to present his bigoted POV, because as we all know, there’s no better way to present an ideological talking point quite like using a bastardized cartoon character to reflect both your concerns and the IQ range of those who might agree with you.

Let me be clear; THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY, BISEXUAL, POLY, TRANSGENDER, or identifying with any other hue of the open-sourced rainbow as a consenting adult is allowed to do. Forgoing any acts that involve children, animals, or using the music of Limp Bizkit as a tool of seduction, the sky is the proverbial limit. And openly doing so, does not make you “mentally ill’ as this vile meme so disgustingly and erroneously declares.

True mental illness in my layman’s opinion, is continuing to espouse that an adulterous, braggart, who openly admits to sexual assault, as he fantasizes about f**king his own daughter, represents the moral epicenter of America, as he falsely complains that ye was illegally removed from power, using the machinations of a Chinese-rigged election retained within one of the most verifiably secure voting systems in the world,

This is not to say that Ricky and his curmudgeonly cohort Wally, are mentally ill, but they sure as hell are quickly positioning themselves as viable future contenders for receiving, free of charge, the long-term use of a bouncy castle room, within an institution that asks politely of all of its visitors, that they leave their potentially stabby things behind in the car. That opinion of mine aside, it’s also been my experience that when cis-men post declarations like this;

they’re not so much concerned with Society’s lack of masculinity, as they are of it being widely accepted that they possess none of their own. But I’d opine that maybe it’s a far better thing for the community at large, that they’re far more comfortable expressing their misogyny, than they are with the fact that the thought of the strangers dicks they’re always ruminating over, make them feel just a tad bit flustered at times.

You know… just like when they used to climb the rope in gym class? Allegedly, of course. I’m just spitballin’ some ideas to clear out the ol’ mental attic, and in no way should my flippancy be regarded as anything more than that. Once again, there’s nor=thing wrong with expressing who you are, but pretending it’s okay to openly attack someone else who’s private and personal lifestyle choices make you uncomfortable, is the most chickens**t of positions to defend.

In more civilized times, a person far more eloquent than I, most certainly would call attention to the awkward detail that the unfounded fear and hatred of the LGBTQ community (for most men at least) is 100% fueled by the peat bog of toxic masculinity, but I’m equally confident that Ricky would rationalize it as his morality, such as it isn’t, being taken unfairly out of context.

But… if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and tends to pay way too much overly focused consideration to other duck’s corkscrew-shaped appendage, then it’s either a duck, or one highly confused egret full of regret. As noted earlier, “Thou doth protest too much.” The real question awaiting an answer is “Why?”

This is naturally, a query that will resolve itself at some point, but as a closing thought to this first documentation of delusional dipshi**ery, I’’ll take a moment to metaphorically castrate a few of Ricky’s cuckold concerns. Yes, the role of a father is important, No doubt about that. But if you were cursed with a disinterested one as I and my siblings were, then their absence is almost a blessing. And as to boys being “subjected” to a feminine influence, I fail to see the issue that makes Ricky seemingly wet himself at the mere thought of it.

I was raised by a single mom, and one of the best positives I took away from it was the fact that we both have the same taste in women, but I turned out just fine in the end. The fact he laments a feminine influence on young boys, is almost laughable, given the fact that the male patterns of behavior left unchecked, lead to aggression, emotional disorders and disconnection, and in extreme cases, unrealistic expectations pf, and sexual violence against, women of all ages.

I can’t recall how many times I’ve heard my female friends and colleagues reference unsolicited and mansplained advice on how they’re supposed to dress, walk, act, and how much they should drink and what to say when out in public, but I’ve yet to see in my 52 years walking this ball of granite and space dust, the same standards equally applied to my gender. The real problem here isn’t a “lack of masculinity”, the real deficiency is that its most ardent advocates are fear-binging cucks like Ricky.

But we’ll get into that next time around, methinks. After all, the best part of a quest for that which is concurrently both hidden and visible, is the act of discovering the same. And when it comes to these two, there’s still so much more to be found.

Granted, some of it will be more of the same, but I’ll also throw in some paranoiac curve-balls, unfounded conspiracies, some anti-mask jackassery, and of course, the willful ignorance we’ve all come to expect from people who think that they’re being tracked by a micro-chipped vaccine, and not by the phone they use to post their delusions.

Trust me. I’ll make it fun.

“Imagine the people who believe such things and who are not ashamed to ignore, totally, all the patient findings of thinking minds through all the centuries since the Bible was written. And it is these ignorant people, the most uneducated, the most unimaginative, the most unthinking among us, who would make themselves the guides and leaders of us all; who would force their feeble and childish beliefs on us; who would invade our schools and libraries and homes. I personally resent it bitterly.”

– Isaac Asimov, The Roving Mind