Wayne Michael Reich

Writing ∙ Photography ∙ Art

Wayne Michael Reich

Vanguard of the Vanilla. (Chauvin-istic Tendencies.)

“The moral world has no particular objection to vice, but an insuperable repugnance to hearing vice called by its proper name.” – William Makepeace Thackeray, Vanity Fair

Hello Bitchiteers!

Justice has finally been served, and by this single act alone, has now caused all to be well in the World… that is, according to those White people who aren’t still furious about former Minneapolis Police Officer Derek Chauvin being held accountable for murdering a fellow American like a dog in the streets of America. You know, the land where your genetic nationality has to be hyphenated and publicized in order to make your unjustified death under the authority of a racist system palatable to those who don’t ever have to identify as European-American?

But chillax, kids. We’ve finally settled the issue of racial disparity in this country in regards to it’s policing inequalities where minorities are concerned, and can now get back to ignoring the more important issues at hand they still face, such as the rising epidemic of gun violence or the disproportion in relation to personal income, education or job opportunities. Man, it’ll be so nice to get back to normal, and start complaining about how my culture is the one most truly under threat of dissolution, let me tell you.

First, they came for my Dr. Seuss books, then they came for my Potato-based toys, and now, all I have to look forward to complaining about is the annual Starbucks Christmas cup. I won’t speak for you, but not whining publicly about how being a middle-aged white male is so hard these days for five whole minutes, has really ground my gears down.

I’m not sure how minorities are feeling, regarding their place on the planet these days, but to be fair, I also haven’t seen the current memo from us, the truly oppressed, dictating what that should be in the first place, so you’ll have to cut me some slack. Like I’m supposed to get without question, because… well, you know White. Sorry, I meant “why”. Yes. I definitely meant “why”.

DEFINITELY THAT, AND NOT THE OTHER THING.

While my commentary is obviously with my tongue planted firmly in cheek, when it comes to the revolting art of racist seed scattering, there’s already a superfluity in place regarding those devoutly committed dogmatists who are doing it as both a career, if not a lifestyle. I’ve touched upon this before, but sadly, it seems that no matter how many times the metaphorical throat of racist ideology is slit, albeit with logic or a chainsaw, it just shakes it off, finds yet another uneducated cretin to manifest itself in, and starts breeding anew, as if it were a rabbit mainlining Viagra.

Speaking of low-IQ entities harboring puerile philosophies, I find myself yet again on the allegorical doorstep of a man who is quite possibly, the best example of what might result if Mattel ever decided to launch a commemorative Klan Barbie accessory line. Barb’s long-term and sexually questionable orientated hunk of man-cake, just so happens to share some basic characteristics with our subject for today. The most relevant being that they’re both icons of a bygone era, and if you ever dare to pull down their pants, the odds of seeing noticeable genitalia worth bragging about, will always be zero. I’m obviously kidding of course, as Barb’s boyfriend, so-called, could always order a set off of Amazon, and just glue it on, whereas today’s screed subject can only rely on his collective racist misinformation, and inherent personal paranoia to hopefully distract others from noticing the void that mythical God left between his legs, if not his ears. As someone who prides themselves on being accurate, I’d hate to draw such a conclusion without hearing from his better half as a rule, but unfortunately, I’m also fairly certain that in order to, I’d have to inflate her first.

Allegedly, of course.

But before we get into all that, a small diversion of sorts, if I may. If you recall the last time I stood upon my social warrior soap-box, I spun the truly riveting tale of my interaction with a certain granite-brained worker drone at my small-town DMV- an experience that in retrospect, showed exactly why they have to install all that bulletproof glass in those otherwise cubicle moron farms. It’s not to protect the sensitive information that they possess, it’s to keep their employees safe from those customers who are giving serious consideration to doing the following out of sheer frustration:
This is not to say that I openly endorse, or willingly condone, enacting any form of cartoon-level violence against government contractors, but if such a thing was both ethical, if not legal, I’d also note that yours truly would make it a point to corner the local ACME market in regards to falling anvils, and sleep the sleep of the just and recently wealthy. That small rumination aside, it is with no small amount of personal pride, that due to my concerted effort, some changes are a-comin’ to the ol’ Silver City DMV, and those, right quick.

For not only did I manage to get some of the top brass personally involved, I also secured the mandatory “retraining” of the individual I issued my initial complaint about, as well. Other minor tweaks regarding their day-to-day operations were promised to be installed in tandem, and I was repeatedly assured that the odious oaf who had been dealing with the public was no longer doing so, and that a suitable, if not more professional  replacement was soon to be hired, to boot.

Time will tell whether or not these revisions will be truly implemented, or even take firm root, but it’s a start to say the very least, of I do say so myself, and I do. While it may be true that you cannot fight City Hall, as the maxim states, apparently… you can purple-nurple it into unwilling compliance, if you only bother to apply some semblance of personal effort. Speaking of which, I’d also like to address what that also constitutes, and the posted electronic commentary I’m about to highlight, is so not it.

Some context: thanks to the fact I construct a great deal of my writing endeavors at my office away from the office, AKA; The Little Toad Creek Brewery and Distillery, located within the charming township of Silver City, NM, I’ve gotten a semi-deserved rep as a dude with a unique perspective on life, which is small-town diplomatic-speak for my being way over-opinionated, regardless of the topic to be discussed..  

Obviously, I don’t mind this perceived assessment, as it does open certain doors, and helps keep less palatable ones firmly locked shut, but it does lend itself to a few moments of WTF weirdness every now and then. Don’t misunderstand me, I’d rather field the random question pr two concerning my POV and observations, than have them shunned or ignored outright to be sure, but there are times where even I ask myself why I remain  open to the process of such.

Case in point? This recently received electronic missive sent to my website:
———————

Greetings from a road warrior.

Hi, My name is S*** N******, and earlier today I ate at a bar in Silver City. The nice young waitress suggested I contact you.  I had told her that I have written a novel that has been read by some thirty people, half of which are not connected to me directly. It has been met with a great deal of enthusiasm.

Some ridiculously so to the point of me thinking I should hide the darn thing. It is a fantasy, a Navajo Narnia with Castaneda thrown in. One Ben Caswell an actor out of LA an screenwriter fell in love with it and is stuck 2/3rds the way through a script. Not for lack of understanding but for lack of umph during our Covid crisis.

    So I think what intrigued her was that I mentioned I had a new solution for some of our political problems and am writing a short book, but I also intend to start doing YouTube videos about it. I was a radio DJ in Santa Fe as a hobby gig although I was quite popular due to my humor and an unmistakable voice. The kind that sells high end cars in ads. Although I have a Chicano, Texas or California non accent depending on the moment.

    I anticipate pissing off the Left and the Right and the Libertarians with my ideas, but I think they are original for the moment, but I’m sure they have been put forth before. However some of my political ideas are based on redefining some of our language specifically words used in economics. And further a radical approach to crime and punishment.

    The most mundane of my propositions are already out there from others like the obvious ending the War on Drugs. Never the less for some reason the waitress thought we might talk. Not exactly sure why. Either she thought you might be helpful to me in getting my novel published or in turn she believed that the political ideas might be of some interest to us both.

    Anyway fell free to respond or ignore if it is of interest or not as you wish I’m a bit beyond polite formalities at this stage of my life. Best S^^^

———————

Somewhere out there, in a far-flung and purposefully remote corner of this beauteous land known as America, the ever-wandering spirit of Jack Kerouac, just took a celestial moment of personal introspection, looked skyward, and uttered; “Jesus. And you people thought that I was pretentious?” 

If and when I ever have the free time and access to a Ouija Board, I may just have to hold a séance to summon the author of the one book I once labeled in my High School English class “far less fascinating than watching paint dry in Portland during a rain storm”, and issue the sincerest of heartfelt apologies. But to justify this take on my requested input, let me unpack why this is so

First, for a self-declared “writer” his inability to punctuate and utilize grammar properly, may, in time, become a career hinderance. Just saying. And while a mark of quality is generally not based on the number of appreciative fans it garners, the “Twilight” cinematic series being a prime example, if you’re going to use it as a factor, you should probably be able to post numbers far greater than those who attend kindergarten can count up to.

Not to mention… a “Navajo Narnia”? C’mon man. Haven’t our noble Native Americans suffered enough debasement in regards to their culture at this point? In case you haven’t been paying attention, our indigenous population has been fighting the allegorical White Witch since She showed up without an invitation, and started gleefully passing out her blankets laced with Smallpox.

And BTW, who in the hell is Ben Caswell, and more to the point, why should I, or anyone else for that matter, supposed to care to begin with? Let’s see… according to IDMB.com, he’s an American actor who worked steadily, mostly in TV, during the mid-90’s and early 2000’s. However, the most recent production credit I was able to find during a cursory search was 2006, so I’m fairly comfortable with stating that his career doesn’t appear to exactly be on fire at the current moment, so…

This professional arc is correspondingly akin to the one that the backpacking pamphlet-writing YouTuber wannabe who penned this conceit masquerading as query, has. And yes, I’m aware this assessment may be a tad bit over the top, but my dance card in regards to the arrogantly dense is full-up these days, so tossing in a D-List celebrity name-drop isn’t really going to impress upon me an urgent sense of need to provide critical counsel, when it gets right down to it.

As for the dissecting the remainder of this mental morass, I’ll just gloss over the remaining salient points of my personal annoyance. The first being, that I don’t care about your hobbies, your distinctive voice, or your supposed ability to successfully shill motorized penii-substitutions, or what your regional accent of the moment is. Why this is even suggested as an asset for a writer, is truly beyond me, but I’m sure it’ll look good on the flyleaf of your unsold book jacket someday.

Moving forward, I also don’t give a damn about your politics, either. Pissing people off, while both personally fulfilling, if not somewhat entertaining, literally takes no enviable skill-set to achieve. And I’m living proof of that, if anything else. True debate is about finding the common ground that may exist, semantics and politics aside. Even I, a Snark extraordinaire, understand that. And I live for confrontation, very much in the same way that a four-year-old looks toward to Christmas.

Shockingly, there are very few “new” ideas that exist within the paradigm of what currently passes for political discussion these says, but this in itself, is not a new phenomenon, nor is it to be unexpected, either, given the anti-intellectual climate sadly festering away in our national consciousness. And speaking of things that bear the stench of rot, who ever told you that signing off a personal communique with the literary equivalent of “”whatever”, inflicted a great disservice upon you at best.
Arrogant, dismissive, and derivative, is no way to walk through Life, my child. Sure, it’d be hypocritical for me to ignore how well some of those elements have worked out for me, but I’m also not trying to change the world entire, just my little corner of it. And that, in a manner that others, with any luck, find to be truly entertaining. One can only hope.

So, here’s my professional advice, although you may not like it: work on your craft, lose the haughty attitude, fill in that giant-ass chip on your shoulder, and most importantly, pull your unjustly swollen head out of your ass when you get a free moment.

Because I’m fairly certain it’s jammed so far up there, that you’re currently utilizing your belly-button as an observatory window. Just my two cents of course, and you can take it or leave it, for as you so eloquently stated; “I’m a bit beyond polite formalities at this stage of my life”, and tolerating pedantic pinheads such as yourself, is no longer a thought I so charitably entertain, even if only for the merest of moments. Here endeth the Lesson. Do with it what you may.

Just keep it away from your Ego, if at all possible, because that guy is a real jackass.

Fortunately for my small community, this particular mass of moronicness has moved on to seek the haven from which he’ll lick his eventual wounds resulting from his failure, but as the diminutive Jedi Master Yoda once said to the essence of Obi-Wan Kenobi: “No. There is another”, and sadly, he’s all ours. And even worse, someone taught him how to use the Internet, as if he were a real boy. Decidedly, one that’s allegedly been taking his life cues from a David Duke pamphlet, but I digress.

I’ve written about this particularly hypocritical hate-monger at some length previously, and to be quite honest, thought that I was done wading through his ignorantly intolerant Klan kiddy-pool, but here I am yet again, pondering as to the reason why use of the Web doesn’t come with both an IQ test and a mandatory psych-evaluation. Hell, you need a license to go fish, but when it comes to the act of spewing derisively dangerous prejudice, it’s almost as if society gives you a free hamburger, a pat on the back, and wishes you the best of luck regarding your endeavor in narrow-mindedness.

The Greek philosopher Plutarch once noted that; “The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled”, and if I were to ascribe this assertion to today’s screed subject, I’d have to avow that his intellectual pilot light was not only blown out quite some time ago, but that his metaphorical vessel is filled to the brim with what might be charitably described as the rancid pickled brine of bigotry as well.

In essence, my initial perception that If he were a character in a PIXAR movie, he’d either be depicted as an overly paranoid vanilla shake, or as an overly angry jar of mayonnaise, still stands, notwithstanding the fact that there’s always room for improvement, when it comes to slurring the disciples of density with accuracy and humor. And when it comes to the art of calling out Truth to alleged White Power, I’m more than happy to do it, if only to remind these Jim Crow cowards that they will never go unchallenged.

And with that, let me sadly reintroduce you to my community’s answer to what happens when you give an ethnically-paranoid child a coloring book, and only a box of Crayola flesh-tone only crayons from the 1970’s to work with. In fact, given his previously ascribed loathing for BLM, and his insistence on mewling “All Lives Matter”, I’d suggest that if the current social justice movements had been as prevalent as they are currently, he would have had this inanity proudly emblazoned on the side of his COPS lunchbox:But as usual, I’m getting slightly ahead of myself, and our waiting bigot-in-the-wings ain’t gonna announce himself, so Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s hear it for the one, and fortunately as of yet, only box in existence of Vanilla Wafers made racist flesh, who ignobly, is making his third appearance within this, my pixelated kingdom of Snark. Lucky, lucky him. Loyal Bitchiteers, may I present Mr. Ken Cykala, Nature’s retort to the query of what a night full of poor decisions, misplaced optimism, and a broken condom can manifest as in the end..

However, I have to give begrudging credit where it’s due, and to be fair, the unfortunate completion of his birth does reinforce the multiple reasons why mixing already short-changed DNA with a worldview on loan from Tucker Carlson, rarely breeds a person of exceptional character worth lauding. This is of course, my humble personal opinion alone, but far be it from me to form such an interpretation without providing evidence as to why, and the best that I can provide comes straight from the horse’s ass himself.

Oops. I obviously meant to say “horse’s mouth” instead, but apparently, my Freudian slip got caught on my keyboard. My bad. Silly me. What isn’t silly however, is that despite two previous literary deep-dives into Ken’s lack of character, humanity, cultural curiosity, and intellect, I’ve barely scratched the surface of just how emotionally and disturbingly stunted, his psyche seems to be. We all have issues, but some like Ken, seem to have a lifetime subscription to every bigoted falsehood that’s currently being printed.

These include, but are not obviously limited to the following inaccuracies, such as that there is no such thing as institutionalized racism, BLM and Antifa are domestic terrorists, victims of police brutality are in fact, deserving of what they’ve received, Whites and their “heritage / history” are under a siege of sorts from liberals, welfare recipients, Socialists, African-Americans, Communists, unchecked crime, illegal aliens, cancel-culture, science, and all of these are being manipulated or outright controlled of course, by the true enemy of the people, AKA: The Media.

Or even quite possibly, our Evil Alien-Lizard Hybrid Overlords. Which I feel, is an undeserved bad rap, given their major positive contributions to the advancement of reality television. Oh, wait… never mind.

Ken’s ideology to be sure, comes off less like a patriot espousing that which truly makes America a beacon to others, and more as if Rockwell Kent had succeeded in making the Boys from Brazil a reality, just before he was assassinated by one of his own supporters. But enough happily reminiscing of days when the planet was made a little bit lighter and better by the forced removal of one of it’ most defective cogs, because there’s snarking that needs to be done, and I’ll kick it off with this dog-whistle classic::
Typically? That would be fearfully and willingly ignorant White middle-aged persons such as yourself, Ken. You know, the kind that despite the numerous times they’ve been informed and shown evidence as to why BLM is so damn necessary, still react as if they’re the ones being cheated out of a professional victim award or something.?

And by the way? NOBODY HAS EVER DIRECTLY SAID, OR SUBTLY IMPLIED, THAT WHITE LIVES DON’T MATTER, YOU RACE-MONGERING, PARANOIA-FUELED, TESTICLE-LACKING TROGLODYTE.

What they are saying however, is a truth that you don’t want to face, and pretend most fervently doesn’t exist. That being, when it gets right down to the brass tacks of your discomfort, Black lives seemingly matter less than the snow-blinded ones of people like you, who claim that the institutionalized scourges of racism are a falsehood, as this meme so definitively states:

This declaration I note, that more likely than not, has been sent from an ivory tower within the clearly defined boundaries of a gated community, rings true, if only you ignore the race-based disparities in regards to educational funding, financial stability, economic opportunities, and truly equitable treatment under the law. But other than that, nothing to see here, people. Just go back to your side of the tracks, and whatever you do, don’t get all uppity, demanding that which we in the White community casually take for granted.

Because if the phrase “Black Lives Matter” bothers you, but the corresponding one of “Blue Lives Matter” doesn’t, then the real issue that you’re having so much trouble with isn’t the imagined priority of which lives matter, but the use of the word “Black”. And do you know why that is? The odds most likely to be considered indicate that you’re an outright racist, regardless of whatever memes you so mewingly post, which by the way, only reinforce my belief that not only are you a bigot beyond all doubt, you clearly have no cohesive argument as to why you continue to be in the first place.

Glad I could clear up this mystery of the ages for you, my blubbering bigoted buttercup. After all, it’s a widely known fact that whenever I can afford to do so, I try to offer focused guidance to the intellectually crippled. And no, you don’t have to thank me, as I do such charity for the love of the craft, as it were. Now while all evidence to the contrary says otherwise, rest assured that the GQP will always have a race card or two up its sleeve to play in relation to its unfounded claim that racism is no longer a concern for America’s collective minority demographic.

This is a ploy that I like to refer to as the “Some of my best friends are…’ gambit, and usually involve the public presentation of persons from whatever community that the GQP is currently in the process of slurring or disenfranchising, as “evidence’ that they’re not harboring or fostering openly racist tropes, a move that more often than not, backfires spectacularly, as they tend to choose spokespeople who in no way. shape, or form, are supported by those they falsely claim to represent,

As the American filmmaker and activist Bree Newsom so clearly explained; “Being a Black person who’s willing to be a public advocate for White Supremacy is  ajob that always pays, so the position is always filled.” Case in point? This modern-day Step-anie Fetch-it right here:   I’d like to point out as I’ve done in previous screeds, that if you’re going to claim that racism in America isn’t institutionalized, you just might want to make sure beforehand that your chosen flag-bearer leading the charge for such, didn’t once sue their former college for… you guessed it, “institutional racism”. Just a suggestion that I’d offer up, in an attempt to avoid any future hypocritical awkwardness.

But I will admit, I love how compliantly the African-American collaborator openly uses the codewords of “Western civilization”, as a substitute for “White culture”, because Lord knows, none of us can see the blatantly attempted whitewashing going on here, now can we? This is akin to the “Taco trucks on every corner” analogy, once made by yet another bigoted house-lackey known as Marco Guiterrez, who co-founded the political group “Latinos for Trump”.

Apparently, after gazing upon the “Roaches for Raid” civil movement, he was similarly inspired to assist in subjugating the very culture he was raised in, and that Conservatives tirelessly endeavor to keep politically docile. Sadly though, he’s not alone in his attempt to highlight the stunning inadequacies inherent within our public educational system, as proven by the photo below:

And when you keep in mind that this person is somewhat representative of the foot-soldiers of the odious Alt-Right movement masquerading as dutiful and loyal citizens, you’d have to think that it shouldn’t be nearly as hard as it has been to achieve true equality for all: Seriously. Can anybody tell me as to how it is that we’ve ever lost any of the high ground to these walking bags of racist pork-rinds?

I don’t want to be perceived as being overly petty here, but being stymied overall by a person who willingly appears like this in public when isn’t Halloween, or not on their way to their side-hustle as a professional ass-clown, is just downright embarrassing at best, no matter which side of the political fence that you may find yourself on

.I hate to break this to you Ken, but shockingly, a country founded by the White wealthy elite, who instilled a governmental system based on class to maintain power, while cruelly exploiting slave labor to build its infrastructure, may not be able to kick its labeling of African-Americans as 3/5th of a person addiction overnight, sad to say. Especially considering, said African descendants weren’t granted the right to vote freely, until the passing of the Voting Rights Act in 1965.

But yeah, racism isn’t ingrained in our national morality whatsoever, my sentient jar of racist mayo.For after all, you as a middle-aged White man, living in a town that has fewer African-Americans in it than one would find in an Osmond cover band, definitely would have his finger on the pulse of what African-Americans go through, both culturally and politically. It’s truly a puzzler as to why they as a whole, never listen to your deep insights. Such as this one, for instance:Yep… Ken’s definitely the best choice if we ever have the need for a culturally sensitive attaché to the Black community, isn’t he?  Pretty much in the same way that Matt Gaetz should be a High School coach for a girls’ basketball team, if I were to be so bold. I do love how the meme mentions that his not owning slaves and modern-day Blacks not being forced to pick cotton, somehow sets the standard for how African-Americans should gauge the fear and disenfranchisement most feel when leaving their homes.

Take it from the White man who as a child, never had to face the very real danger that he might get shot for doing the same innocuous things that White people do, such as walking, driving, eating in public, and trying to cash a check. He knows what’s best, and he’s got the memes to back it up, even if he doesn’t have the proof to support his bigotry. So, the KKK, a White supremacy group, is akin to four separate ideologies focused on equality, civil rights, and anti-fascism? I had no idea,

But then again, does Ken? Because the last time I checked, the only group I had to worry about was the one who advocates for racial purity, and it sure as f**k isn’t BLM, Antifa, or those who carry a pocket copy of The Communist Manifesto. Personally, I get the feeling that if Ken were alive and living in 1933 Berlin, he’d be the type of citizen who would happily and dutifully, let the local Sturmabteilung division know exactly who were helping the Juden.

And no, I’m not apologizing for that analogy either. In my opinion, he’s just a few matches away from lighting the metaphorical fires under both the ideas he loathes, if not the people who represent them.

But don’t ever worry about Ken being a one-schtick pony kids, because is it turns out, our favorite bigoted boy-band member is also an anti-masker too! Who would have guessed that his alleged personal idiocy had so many subtle levels to it? ’s kind of like he’s a racist lasagna, except that the noodles are pages from The Turner Diaries, and the sauce is made from the ichor that Tucker Carlson spews nightly.

Interestingly though, Ken isn’t an anti-masker in the way that you would think. There’s none of the expected conspiracy theories about how COVID-19 is/was a plot by the Chinese / Illuminati / Shadow Government / Nickelback to control the populace, and to be complimentary, I find this to be somewhat refreshing. If fairly inane. However, because Ken has the alleged intellect of a cofefe hamberder, he’s still going to put a uniquely dense spin on his POV, that literally, nobody else could top:
Sigh… this meme, posted during a time of national crisis, is figuratively so goddamn stupid, that my temporal lobe after reading it, immediately issued a letter of resignation, and retired to Florida, where the collective density there, seems almost quaint in relation to this cuckolded opinion 

“They are bothered that your strength shines a light on their weakness”?

Dude… you’re such a f**king craven that you’re literally freaking out at the mere suggestion that for the five minutes you’re inside Walmart, you could try not being a selfish prick, so maybe you should sit this one out, kitten. Preferably in the corner, wearing a damn mask. And when it comes to “strength”, I nor anybody else, should ever take any form of advice from somebody who soils themselves every time they see an African-American person wearing a BLM T-shirt walking towards them. Just my opinion, of course.

I’m also fairly certain that when it comes to being asked to practice social distancing as well, Ken is also probably one of the first in the crowd to start comparing it to communistic oppression, despite the fact that he truly has no freaking clue what that really entails. And no Ken, not being able to use the “N-word” freely in public isn’t so much oppression, as it is pest control.

Ken’s other obsession atop his personal pyramid of them, concerns what he and others of his ignorant ilk consider to be “The Enemy of the People”. I am of course, naturally referring to the Free Press, both analog and digital. And Ken despises them, with a passion only equaled by his hatred for sharing the planet with those who advocate for the people whose melanin levels are different than his.

Allegedly, of course. Just my personal observation. Nothing more.

But I would opine that If Ken’s hard-on for bashing the Media got any stiffer, the cockroaches that seemingly run his brain, could use it for a chin-up bar. Largely in part, because it’s the right size and dimension for them to do so. I myself, fortunately have no idea what it must be like to have a micro-penii, but I’d assume possessing a wang you could use to sew insignia on a white robe with, has just got to suck overall.

Allegedly, of course. Just my personal observation. Nothing more. But I would be remiss in my duty as a Snark of Great Snarkitude, if I didn’t back up what I’m stating without proof, which as we’ve all come to see is the area where Ken’s light really shines the brightest. And I for one, would hate to encroach on the only thing that he does better than anyone else. Outside of Tucker Carlson, that is

Well, this is… something, I guess. I’m really starting to form the opinion that it’s not the Media that Ken certainly hates, it’s the acronyms that define them. That’s a joke of course, but the real humor to be gleaned here is just how thin Ken’s doll-skin is in regards to what he perceives as their respective political leanings. To quote comedian Stephen Colbert; “It is a well-known fact that reality has liberal bias”, a concept that Ken views in the same way that Superman looks upon a Kryptonite condom.

Sure, it has its use, but keeping it nearby just hurts too damn much.

I do get why he might have an issue or two with the networks that consistently called out the Mango Mansicle he so desperately still pines for, but PBS? Dude… how in Odin’s name could you have any issue with a network that promotes scientific knowledge, appreciation of diverse cultures, and calls for the celebration of humanity? Never mind. I think I just answered my own question. Given his unfounded disdain, I’m starting to wonder if the Muppets should take a restraining order out on Ken, if only to protect Mr. Snuffleupagus.

Staying with the branding of the brain-dead, Ken also posted this gem of polished hypocrisy as well:
Before I gleefully dissect this particularly disingenuous masturbatory fantasy masquerading as commentary, I’d like to first post the thesaural definition of hate, classified as: “intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury”, or as “extreme dislike, disgust, antipathy, or loathing.”

And while some may see this as being the face of hatred:

I’d bluntly suggest that this, the literal personage of a disgruntled vanilla wafer with unfortunate internet access, is the one we should consistently use in its stead::
This picture is so grand in its insipidness, that the only thing that could top it for whiteness, would be if a loaf of bigoted Wonder bread took a selfie, Ooops. My bad. Obviously, one already did.

So, the present level of twisted and unhinged hatred that we’ve all been experiencing, is solely the fault of the aforementioned networks, and nobody else? Imagine that.  Because if I were to look at the current situation, I’d suggest that the responsibility of our said sociopolitical climate could be laid down at the feet of cultural and economic inequality, systematic racism, semi-fascist policing of the citizenry, right-wing propaganda and unfounded conspiracy theories, along with the consistent fear-stoking by the GQP, to name just a few.

But that’s not how Ken sees it, no siree Bob. It’s the scary TV people that are ruining this otherwise great country, and nothing else. Interesting however, that the asses of evil known as FOX, OAN, and the odious ogre known as Newsmax, somehow managed to escape being listed, huh? I’m sure that’s just an accidental oversight, given their track record for stoking the fires of increasing republican fascism, misogyny, Islamophobia, xenophobia, and outright paranoia. I’m sure Ken will get around to editing his meme, right after he gets done ironing his khakis, and polishing his tiki-torch.

Now, if Ken ever reads my collection of scribes focusing on him, he’ll probably take great offense at being accurately labeled as a bigot, and that’s to be expected. As the saying goes: “Racism isn’t a touchy topic, if you’re not a f**king racist”, and I would have to agree. But ol’ Ken I’m sure, would be injurious to with that POV, as he most likely believes that his unsubstantiated bigotry isn’t the result of his being an alleged racist, it’s because his pride in being White is being wrongly misinterpreted.

Naturally, this doesn’t translate as a clarion call to arms for White supremacy at all.

In fact, here’s a beautiful presentation of what Ken believes, taken yet again, directly from his Facebook page. While I may be “blocked” from it, others are not, and I can’t thank them enough for doing the hate harvesting that I require to keep you all so entertained:Damn. I’ve heard of a persecution complex, but never a persecution planet. I’m not sure what color the sky is in the hellish fantasy world that Ken resides in, but if I had to take an educated guess, it’s probably charcoal grey, and rains razor blades wrapped in Colin Kapernick posters. I’ve often made the joke that these drama queens play the victim card so much, that they should carry their own police chalk, but I feel I may need to amend this where Ken’s warped sense of being a target of the liberal mindset is seemingly concerned.

Ken should not only continue to carry his huge bag of pure white (of course) chalk, he should probably add a team of CSI’s to eventually prove one day that his bigoted paranoiac delusions are justified. But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t break down this ode to self-pitying putridness, so let’s rock.

Ken: “I will not apologize for being Caucasian”

Who exactly, has ever asked you to? And at what point, did this supposedly happen? Or is it more accurate to say, that you don’t appreciate the fact that minorities are demanding the same access to the equality and privileges that you take for granted, and are ever so brusquely (for you, anyway) raising these uncomfortable issues to the light? Nah, that couldn’t be it. After all, as always, you’re the victim of cruel fate here, and all because others are biased against you due to your skin tone.

A social disorder I’m sure, that the African-American advocacy groups you fear and despise so much, would know nothing about. Here’s a cookie to ease your pain, champ- you know where I suggest you stuff it.

Ken: “I will not apologize for supporting good cops.”

Nor will you for supporting the bad ones caught on video murdering citizens either, but I’ll be addressing this hypocrisy of yours in some depth, later on.

Ken: “I will not apologize for loving my Asian, Native American, Black American & Hispanic friends.”

Once again, when did any liberal, or rational conservative for that matter, ask you to do this? I’d normally suggest that you’ve been listening to the voices in your head more than you normally do, but the odds are more likely in favor that they’re currently hanging out in the same place where your imaginary friends are, due to their embarrassment of being publicly associated with you.

Ken: “I will not bend my knee for anyone but the Lord.”

And yet, you’ll willingly get down on both, to swallow whatever FOX and Sean Hannity ram down your throat without the benefit of dinner and dancing first? Weird, that. And in reference to the “Lord”, I can only assume you’re name-dropping Jesus, the mythical Son of the mythical God, whose teachings you don’t follow, whose life lessons you never learned, and whose message of providing comfort and understanding to your fellow human, you deliberately ignore.

Not to mention that since there are a multitude of other Gods being worshiped on this planet at present, I’d suggest that you not forget the following truth of :the situation at hand:

Because as your chosen imaginary Lord is supposed to already know, I’d hate for you to be perceived as the hypocrite we all know you to be, so I took the slogan you’re so fond of screeching, and just tweaked it a bit. I really hope you like it as much as I do.

However, there is a question I must ask of you, Ken- if you truly are a Christian, then why is it that a Black man taking a knee to protest police brutality annoys you so much? After all, in this country we have no ;less than 8M Jehovah’s Witnesses who don’t salute the American flag, and 200T Amish, who won’t stand for the National Anthem. But a lone African-American kneels respectfully, and all of a sudden, it’s as if someone gave you an atomic wedgie. Yep. Nothing there to unpack, that’s for certain.

Ken: “I will not be brainwashed by the media.”

This bold assertion of independent thought brought to you by a walking bumper sticker who routinely posts fake “statistics”, disingenuous memes, and cherry-picked conspiracy theories, but I digress. Also, in order to be brainwashed, one must have a brain to begin with, so…  but as an added bonus,, when the zombie apocalypse finally happens, this mental deficiency of yours will actually become a strength for something other than embarrassing your parents on a daily basis. A natural immunity from the walking dead, as well as knowing that if ignorance is truly bliss, you must be Zen 24/7?

I may actually be a tad bit jealous here. No lie.

Ken: ”I will not apologize for believing in the Second Amendment.”

There’s a crowbar separation when it comes to believing in the 2nd, written when muskets were considered to be state of the art at the time, versus now, where any schmuck can lay down more ordinance inside an Arby’s faster than the time it takes somebody to blink. For the record, I’m not anti-gun, I’m anti-frustrated-inced-with-unfettered-access-to-guns, and that’s it. For people who claim not to “live in fear”, as you often do, you guys also seem to be afraid of everything in general, regardless of whether or not a bullet could actually stop it.

If you have more bullets in your home then books, odds are pretty good you shouldn’t be allowed to carry in the first place. But what do I know? Maybe it’s perfectly normal to have a need to strap on a fake dick when you go to get a cup of coffee. After all, you might run into a Black person there, and you don’t want to be caught without firepower if they dare to start kneeling. Or even worse, sit at the table next to yours.

Ken: “I will not apologize for being a God-fearing American.”

Nor should you, as the amusement you’re providing claiming to be one, is pure comedy gold that none of us want to see stop anytime soon. You’re an American very much in the same way that I, a partial amputee, am the principal dancer for the Moscow Ballet. You don’t get to call yourself an American, if you loathe both the forward progress of civil rights and the demographic that so desperately requires them. Just saying.

And “God-fearing”? If your mythical God is love, as his best-selling novel of fiction suggests, then why as a faithful believer, should you ever have to worry about being subjected to his wrath? Oh, that’s right… because at best he’s an absentee landlord, and at worst, a petty murdering sociopath. You know, the kind of role model that everyone should take moral cues from. As I’ve noted before, I have zero issue with Faith, when it’s being used as either a crutch or a shield, but when it’s transparently weaponized to justify one’s personal biases and lack of character, that’s when my claws come out.

And as a heads up Ken, if there truly is a God, I can only wish you good luck as you explain to his celestial face as to why you were perfectly fine with ignoring the decree to be found within John 15:12, which says: “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” I’m sure he’ll totally see your side, what with his tendency to velvet glove all those who don’t follow his vaguely arbitrary list of rules.

On a related note, when he kicks you into Hell, feel free to drop by my condo overlooking the Lake of Fire, as I throw both one hell of a BBQ, and I would love to introduce you to my next-door neighbor, Bob Ross. Just don’t ask him about “happy trees”. He’ll literally talk your head off, and nobody wants that.

Let me if I may, take a moment to recap our tale up to this point thus far. I’ve covered Ken’s obsession with BLM & Antifa in previous outings, noting his unfounded paranoia and bigotry in relation to such, and here, I’ve touched upon his intense dislike of the media that doesn’t share his inane world view. I’ve highlighted his refusal to accept the indisputable fact that whether he likes it or not, America continues to fail in its attempt to acknowledge its inherent racism, and that he’s one of the cogs in its clockwork juggernaut of corrupted jingoism.

And with that, you might think that there could be possibly nothing further to discuss in regards to Ken, but you’d be wrong. While I’ve firmly established his alleged bigotry, and wryly noted his lack of cultural sensitivity, I’d also have to express some form of begrudging admiration that he can literally swallow anything the GQP pushes, as if he were a Republican porn star.

However, that’s the beauty of dealing with someone whose character is what one might consider to be at rock-bottom already… once you’re done sweeping their metaphorical cellar floor, you terrifyingly discover that it has a previously concealed crawlspace.

This is not to suggest that it’s akin in any way, shape, or form to the one that was in John Wayne Gacy’s house, and filled up to the floor beams with the corpses of young men, nor does it share any similarities to mine, which is crowded with not only the remains of karaoke enthusiasts, but those soulless bastards who start filling out a personal check at a grocery store, but only after they’ve been standing in the “cash only” line for the previous ten minutes.

No, I think it’s far more diplomatic of me to submit that when it comes to Ken’s allegorical hidey-hole, the only corpus delicti to be observed will be the cadavers of his flawed conscience. While he arguably may not be 100% responsible for stacking the remains of his logic, humanity, and religious faith in a disused corner as if they were cordwood for the firepit, he most definitely didn’t do a damn thing to keep their demise from becoming imminent, either. And for that, I see no need to cut him any type of slack.

What can I say? A Snark has to have his standards, or all becomes chaos. Chaos, I tell you. But what is the polar opposite of chaos, you ask? Well, that would be Order of course, whether that’s enforced by either by the deliberate enaction of society at large, or stereotypically, under the firm hand and steely gaze of law enforcement’s varying levels. Levels I might add, that are justifiably being put under the microscope these days, much to Ken’s impotent anger.

As you read earlier, Ken proudly boasted that he wouldn’t “apologize for supporting good cops”, not that anybody should ever feel that they have to do so as a rule, but he also won’t go out of his way to condemn bad ones either, and that’s kind of a sticky wicket when one is riding their high-horse on the crumbling ledge of an ivory tower. I’ve called attention to Ken’s hypocrisy regarding his selective soap-boxing in earlier screeds, but the best two examples I can think to repost would be these two shining examples of personal contradiction:
Man, the amount of doublethink required to maintain both of these opinions in tandem, is probably the main reason as to why Ken’s extended warranty on his intellect got cancelled almost immediately. In essence, Ken duly maintains that you should ALWAYS follow a police officer’s commands without question, unless you just so happen to disagree with them, in which case, your eventual arrest is the byproduct of unconditional overreach, and you’re really the one who’s the true victim in this scenario.

Coincidentally, this opinion of his never seems to be applied to African-Americans when they’re in the same situation, but I’m sure that’s only because they obviously have no idea how to do the White thing, pun most definitely intended. In fact, it seems that when it comes to the numerous incidents of police brutality, racial profiling, and outright murder of his fellow citizens at the hands of the cops, Ken has no other POV, save for the fact that the cops are never at fault.

And that, irrelevant of whatever video evidence or eyewitness testimony may be provided as proof that a civil rights violation occurred. Don’t misunderstand me, we’ve all had a moment or two in our lives where we’ve walked on by a situation wearing blinders, but very few of us would go so far as to overdo it and Superglue our eyes shut as an additional precaution against that which makes us uncomfortable.

But since Ken has no sense of reality to begin with, he’ll post intellectual diamonds such as this, where he chides a constitutionally elected lawmaker, who just so happens to be a member of the disproportionally harassed race currently protesting abusive authority, no less. But why exactly, is Ken so upset to begin with? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that he thinks the pursuit of Justice is supposed to stick to the schedule of his own legally warped time-clock:Personally, I would love to hear Ken’s rationalization for the death of Philandro Castle, who was following an officer’s commands when he was murdered by the same in front of his own kid, or that of 12-year-old Tamir Rice, who was murdered as he played in a public park with a toy gun, by an officer who shot him immediately after getting out of his car. And who, BTW, voiced no commands whatsoever, before doing so.

Maybe we should talk about Breonna Taylor, gunned down in her own home, as police were serving an illegally obtained an illegal warrant, under the guise of searching for an individual that they ALREADY HAD in custody? I’m sure his defense will be epic in its scope. Honestly at this point, I’m stunned by Ken’s ability to consistently tie himself into a Gordian’s Knot without his kidneys squirting out his nose.

Also, you just have to love the following totally non-racist advice from the middle-aged White dude that goes: “If the victims would just follow the instructions given by law enforcement they would be alive today. Third, you should be teaching your race the importance of personal accountability to themselves, their family and to society,”

Hmm. Did anyone else notice the Freudian slip peeking out from under Ken’s weekend BBQ robe? He didn’t say “criminals”, or “suspects”, pr even “thugs”. He said “victims”. This seems an odd choice of phrase to enlist, if the individuals who were murdered at the hands of the police were the ones truly at fault, don’t you think?

For the definition of such, is as follows; :“One that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent, one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions, one that is subjected to oppression, hardship, or mistreatment.” By this classification alone, it’s fairly obvious who’s at fault here, and it sure as f**k isn’t the Black people that Ken feels need to hear his condescending concern.

The condescendingly self-righteous counsel of “this means conduct yourself in a professional manner, especially when authority figures are involved”, targeting a demographic that cares not for his opinion nor the open machinations of those who tend to oppress them, is particularly galling as well, if I were to say the very least, as apparently this instruction doesn’t seemingly apply to the person who was arrested for doing the very same thing that Ken said YOU SHOULD NEVER DO,under any circumstances, in his hypocritical posting above.

I wonder exactly White that is. Sorry. I meant to say “why”. Yes. I definitely meant “why”. DEFINITELY THAT, AND NOT THE OTHER THING YET AGAIN. But maybe I’m making too much of his slip of the fingers, because if Ken is known for one thing past being an alleged and hatefully misinformed bigot, it’s his innate ability to come up with viable solutions to society’s ills:

Yup… let’s all try to change the so-called mind of a Blue Lives bootlicker whose access door to it is sealed up tighter than Ebenezer Scrooge’s wallet at a gentlemen’s club during happy hour. While I do agree with the fact that the police should be granted a modicum of esteem, I’d also state that the mantle of Respect is earned, and the one of civility is granted. And in the case of “bad” cops, they don’t deserve the first, and generally test the tensile strength of the second.

However, Ken doesn’t appear to believe that bad cops exist, despite all evidence available for his casual perusal to the contrary. This critique, is reinforced by yet another posting of his, and as usual, just simply reeks with the stench of his hypocritical self-righteous privilege yet again:

This inanity by the way, is brought to you by a person who still supports the criminal mango that is Donald Trump, and as you can see by the two equally as dense comments from two of his ilk, just hammers home how wide a net ignorance can cast. I mean… “Saitenist”? C’mon Walter… you may be far older than the dry-rot that sits in the creased folds of that shrunken apple you call a brain, but you had to have seen “Rosemary’s Baby” when you still remembered how to spell, didn’t you?

And Ken? If a cop deliberately (and cruelly) murders the very people he’s only supposed to arrest, then guess what? He’s no longer a cop, he is in fact, the “lowest of the low”, and there is no distinguishing him from the underclass you are so willfully game to see purposefully mistreated. There’s also the concept of  ‘innocent until proven guilty”, an inconvenient truth that you don’t seem to appreciate much.

It’s widely known as “Due Process”, and serves as a crucial legal protection and cornerstone to that which ensures our citizenry doesn’t get locked up on a whim and a prayer. And it’s supposed to apply to all, regardless of skin tone, personal influence, wealth, or past criminal history. Shockingly, cops aren’t supposed to murder the guilty. But even more relevant? They’re not supposed to slaughter the ones who haven’t been proven to be so, either. You know, because they support the enforcement of our laws, and not the prosecutorial actions resultant against those who break them?

Take for instance, the abominably inhuman death of Minneapolis resident George Floyd, who met his end at the hands of a sadistic piece of Satan’s bacon with a badge, a now unemployed and rightfully convicted sociopath, by the name of Derek Chauvin. Here’s an evidentiary photo of officer Dudley Dowrong at work, engaging in the activity that will hopefully ensure that when he goes to prison, he’ll get passed around like a pack of top-shelf cigarettes:

While Chauvin’s defense team pitifully tried (and subsequently failed) to sell Floyd’s death as “excited delirium”, a debunked theory which conveniently doubles as a liability-neutering excuse, Floyd hardly met the requirements for such a bogus claim to begin with.

He was handcuffed face down on the pavement, with three other officers in proximity, and there was no defensible reason for Chauvin to purposefully (if not coldly) place his knee on Floyd’s neck, as he and the other complicit slabs of Satan’s bacon watched dispassionately as his life was choked out of him, for NINE AND A HALF MINUTES. This occurred unabated, despite pleas from Floyd’ and the gathered crowd, begging Chauvin to stop.

A side note of sorts? If it wasn’t necessary to choke to death the seditionist who in the process of doing so, murdered a cop by bashing in his head with a fire extinguisher, then it sure as f**k wasn’t necessary to do so to a handcuffed suspect, for doing nothing more than allegedly attempting to pass a fake Jackson, Unless of course, you’re emulating the behavior of Jackson himself in regards to how he treated Black people, that is.

At Chauvin’s trial, his defense team feebly asserted that Floyd’s history of drug use and underlying conditions caused his death, and not the effect of having his neck compressed, Unfortunately for their shift the blame game, two separate autopsies, one conducted by the Hennepin County Medical Examiner, and the other by a private medical examiner hired by Floyd’s family, mutually agreed that Floyd’s passing was due to an act of homicide, meaning his death came at the hands of Derek Chauvin, and was not, I repeat NOT, due to his heart condition and prior drug use.

Sorry Kenny. I know how much you had your heart set on wanting to be able to pin it on the Black guy, but I’m afraid, that much like your sex life, you came up short in the dark, yet again.

However, the opinion of respected and qualified professionals that eventually led to Chauvin’s conviction, and which was based on the autopsies and the videotaped evidence showing the murder, doesn’t mean squat to a Trump fetishizing troglodyte like Ken, and he’s definitely not afraid to say so, when given the merest of opportunities to do so, once again utilizing the platform of the social media giant he claimed he was going to leave months ago,

That is, until he realized that outside of his like-minded bubble, he would have zero relevance. For let’s face it, being just another middle-aged intellectually impotent ignoramus that posts inane offal like this, hardly qualifies you as a brave maverick, even among your own willing-to-worship-a-turnip kind:

Well. That settles it. Kenbot here, was once seated for two days in a jury for a civil suit, which as we all know from watching reruns of Law & Order episodes, is so similar to one involving an abuse of authority leading to an unjust death (AKA: a murder) that one could easily be misconstrued for the other. If Ken views sexual congress in the same way that he does the law, I can only assume that his girlfriend sports a whole bunch of bruises around her belly-button after he performs his dismount.

We can just ignore the testimony of eyewitnesses who were at the scene, the medical evidence presented by the multiple qualified specialists within their respective fields, and most certainly, we can jettison the cellphone camera footage that SHOWED THE MURDER AS IT HAPPENED. Because after all, that officer just had to be in fear for his life, right? Sure, there were three other officers there, and the victim was both face down and handcuffed as well, but I’m sure Chauvin was justified in feeling that he, and not Floyd, was the one closest to fading into fatality.

Remember boys and girls, when it comes to the issue of cops murdering African-Americans, you really can’t trust your eyes, so much as you can the people who investigate themselves, now can you?

I won’t speak for you, but if I ever thought for even one second, that the handcuffed man on whose neck that I currently had my knee on, posed a serious and direct threat to my personal safety, I’d make damn sure that my hands weren’t jammed in my pockets as Chauvin’s were, as seen in the captured video. It seems to me, that if you were facing a risk of a physical attack, it’d be a good idea to have the two tools you’d require the most to stave if off, somewhat unencumbered. But maybe that’s just me.

Ken however, seemingly thinks that incontrovertible evidence is not so, and that the “real” reason Chauvin was convicted was due to an outside influence, because… of course it must. It’s one thing to claim and with some accuracy I might add, that the jurors already had their minds made up, due mostly to the due to the overwhelming evidence that painted Chauvin (correctly) as guilty, but as always for Ken, reality itself has to find itself altered, because… of course it must:Sorry you feel that way Tucker. But as the cops like to say; “You fit the description.” And referring toi one being held accountable for their actions as “lynching”? When you get hung from a tree for trying to vote, or for looking the wrong way at a White woman, then you’ll have the right to say such bulls**it with a straight face. Until then, seriously shut the f**k up, you suit wearing pig sphincter.

 The thought that all that goes against your core beliefs, must be a conspiracy, serves as a comforting salve to those who have no f**king clue as to how things actually work, but I digress. Ken has forgotten one of the foundational truths in order to validate his bigoted ignorance, and that is this: that which can be asserted without evidence, can also be dismissed without evidence. Funny how that works. So, what, or who to be more specific, does Ken hold responsible for the verdict that he claimed denied Justice its due?

Would we, or should we, expect anything less from this walking pile of acerbically asinine tapioca than laying the “blame’ on his favorite go-to boogeyman? I say nay. Nay, I say:

As I said earlier; “that which can be asserted without evidence, can also be dismissed without evidence”, and when it comes to being disingenuous, Ken approaches the act as if he were competing in the 1936 Summer Olympics. Sadly, when his intellectual resolve is tested, he tends to be a “short pole, no vault” kind of guy, as my late Oma was fond of saying.

This in itself is not startling by any means, as alleged bigots aren’t exactly renowned for their ability to carve out a niche regarding critical thinking, but mythical Jesus Christ, if Ken gets any more paranoiac about them there uppity Black people that he obsesses over as if if they all dumped him the night of the prom, we’re going to have to take away his car keys, the sharp and/or stabby objects in his trailer, and the remote control for his FOX-tuned TV.

The end result of this delusional putridness also leads to what I refer to as a supreme example of “creative omission”, where one presents a counter-argument so-called, by interlacing threads of truth within a quilt comprised of falsehoods. A prime example of this technique, would be the mentioning that African-Americans encompass a majority of America’s prison population, while ignoring the economic, educational, and the systematically racist inequalities that helped place them there to begin with.

I will say this as simply as I can without the aid of hand-puppets, Ken- the scary African-Americans are not, I repeat, NOT, coming to “burn down” your neighborhood, your workplace, or your coffee shop, so relax, you mental midget. For hopefully the last time, Black Lives Matter is not an anti-white movement, because (GASP!) it has nothing to do with you, despite your rather extensive and obvious bigotry.

Forearmed with this credible knowledge, as well as the ability to use it efficiently, let’s all take a gander at Ken’s attempt to weave half-truths into a fraudulent tapestry, and discover together what happens when an alleged bigot and the information that Google proves with actual facts, are still on a break:Score one for Ken! He actually managed to get this right… sort of. Turning to his battered copy of the dog-eared right-wing playbook, page twelve, paragraph three, if memory serves. The standard ploy is that which is inaccurate is disseminated, but the rest, of the relevant story is deliberately excised in the manner of a cancerous tumor, so that it may stand free on its feet of clay, as if it were a misguided Golem, seeking out a good Reuben.

For me to say this statement was obsessively cherry-picked to strengthen Ken’s flawed take, would be almost a supreme insult to the act itself.

To clarify, Lisa Christensen, the person that Ken is referencing, did not have any part in the final verdict as she was an alternate juror, but did divulge to journalist Jamie Yuccas on “CBS This Morning,” that; “I was worried about, you know, whatever the verdict may be if some people felt strongly on one side, other people felt strongly on the other side. So, no matter what, I felt like somebody wasn’t going to be happy,”

Now, if one takes that statement at face value with no further context, it does seem a damning indictment that most certainly bolsters Ken’s paranoid fever dream, does it not? I can only begin to imagine the level of self-pleasuring Ken must have engaged in after hearing that snippet, which to be fair, might be the sole reason why he missed the rest of her commentary that followed, because there ain’t enough blood in the male body to make both heads operate smoothly at the same time.

Continuing, she went on to say: “I felt he was guilty. They read the jury instructions to us in the courtroom briefly, but I didn’t know it was going to be guilty on all counts but I would have said guilty,”

In response to Yucca’s query of “Why did you think he was guilty? What led you to that belief?”, Christensen replied; “I just felt like the prosecution made a really good, strong argument. Dr. Tobin was the one that really did it for me. He explained everything. I understood it down to where he said this is the moment that he lost his life, really got to me,”

Regarding both the cellphone video that showed the cruelty involved in Floyd’s death as well as the bystander Darnella Frazier, who filmed it, Christensen noted; “I really felt that she felt guilty for not doing more and she feels responsible in a way, and I feel really bad for her. But I commend her on taking the video because, without her, I don’t think this would have been possible,” “It was emotional. I think my eyes teared up a couple of times, so especially seeing it from different angles and things,”

Despite Christensen’s feeling of personal discomfort being within the sighted proximity of Chauvin, her impression of him was thus: “I felt like he was the leader, and the other officers were following his lead. I kind of felt like he wasn’t taking the warnings seriously, obviously, kind of like I know what I’m doing,”

After the main jury pool were sent to deliberate Chauvin’s guilt or innocence. Christensen, along with another alternate juror was discharged, her civic duty obligation fulfilled. After more than 10 hours of debate spread over the course of two days, Chauvin was found guilty on three charges: second-degree murder, third-degree murder, and manslaughter, after which, his bond was revoked and he was placed immediately into custody.

In theory, Chauvin could spend decades in jail, as in Minnesota, second-degree murder can carry a maximum sentence of up to 40 years in prison. Third-degree up to 25 years, and second-degree manslaughter, up to 10. And if Justice is truly served, as it should be, that would be a total of 75 years, if served back-to-back, which let’s be honest, is obviously not going to happen,

But irrespective of how many years this murdering bacon-bitch receives in the end, I hold out hope that the next time he sees the sun, it’ll be when his relatives carry him out past the prison gates, secured within the confines of a crematoria urn. Ken may possibly be the only person on this f**ked up ball of space-dust and granite that can watch a video of a fellow human being getting murdered by a sworn officer of the law, and express the concern that hopefully, said cop didn’t get any of the victim’s blood on his shoes as he did it.

The reprehensible murder of George Floyd is in no way, shape, or form, a “wake-up call”. The damn alarm clock has been going off in this country since it was founded, and those like Ken, prefer to just keep hitting the snooze button ham-handedly, versus doing something about it, like unplugging the clock from its damn power supply.

I’ve said it before. I will most likely have to say it again. I don’t know what the f**k your particular problem is Ken, but I’m fairly certain it’s hard to pronounce. However, I’d also have to assume you couldn’t enunciate it clearly to me either, given the fact that your mouth is seemingly always chomping down on a pack of these:Wow. I’m currently up to 11K+ words, and I could literally write another 11K+, without breaking a sweat, given the never-ending void that passes for Ken’s limited intellect, However, I’m also starting to notice that whenever I get a new batch of Ken’s screen-grabbed assertions from a carefully chosen few of his FB “friends”, a miasma of pure malevolent toxicity slowly starts visibly forming over my trusty IBM Thinkpad, because even it knows the depth of the cesspool I’m about to go skinny-dipping in.

Metaphorically, of course, thank Odin. Although to be quite honest, swimming in a cesspool would probably be a welcome break from what feels like continuous wading through the ostensibly overflowing swine lagoon that’s exists within whatever mental aberration assumes itself to be Ken’s humanity analog.

I do have a great deal of sympathy for Ken though, believe it or not, as it must be a real bitch being able to only see three colors, that being Black, White, and Blue. Not to mention, the qualities he willingly ascribes to each, are either so far beyond the pale of rationality, or so abominably dense, that I almost feel compelled to give him both a puppy and a bowl of homemade chicken soup.

Please note that I said “almost” For while I happen to be rather emphatic in regards to showing less intelligent creatures a measure of mercy every now and then, I tend to draw a definitive line in the bland when the same creatures repeatedly keep getting their leg caught in an obvious snare trap. If one of your two kids keeps sticking his tongue into a light socket, and the other doesn’t… well, you know which one’s going to an Ivy league college, and who’s going to wind up attending DeVry.  

Or even worse, emerge as Ken’s personal hero, a twice-impeached, thrice-married, adulterous, porn-star-paying, lying, cowardly, treasonous, fraudulent man-child glaring from behind a desk, because nobody likes you. And that not only includes the world, your country, and your hometown, but your wife and kids as well. So the message here is stay in school, and make sure to study Benford’s Law, because it’s the literal key to the universe.

And just like this boiled ham in a wig that he still admires, Ken allegedly shares the same accord to engage in the most vulgar of implied slurs apropos to race relations, as well as not possessing the simplest of grasps on the sub-textual when it comes to semantics. Case in point? Ken’s deliberate misunderstanding of what the slogan and movement of “Defund the Police” actually means on its face:No, Ken. I don’t have the “guts” to share this moronic misunderstanding of yours all over on Facebook, because unlike yours, mine actually know what “defund the police’ truly means.

Sure, despite the reality that your deposed and now currently depressed, Mango Mussolini once publicly said that; “We won’t be defunding our police. There won’t be dismantling of our police. There’s not going to be any disbanding of our police”, the awkward fact remains that this apocalyptic scenario foisted by Herr Twitler and his GQP enablers, is not only utterly insane, but demonstrably untrue to boot.

To clarify that which Ken once again, dares not research, because it would reduce his stockpile of memes which he uses to cover his inability to debate using facts, I present the definition of a good concept, even if it is indeed, truly worded badly: “Defund the police” means nothing more than reallocating or redirecting targeted funding elements away from outfitting police with gear more akin  to that of Seal Team Six, and using it to underwrite programs that are designed to better serve the local community. Such as mental crisis counselors, for instance, as not every call requires an armed response.

And that’s all of it, presented in the simplest of nutshells, no less. It does not, on any f**king level, call for the abolishment of the police, nor has it ever been a demand for reducing the pay and benefits of said officers, either. I have to admit, for however long it’ll be that I get to live, I’ll probably never understand exactly how a person like Ken can spend so much time online, and yet, never set aside any of it, to do the merest of credible research.

 If he ever did, he might even win the occasional argument using actual facts to do so, every now and then. Granted, it could be also reasonably debated that I’ve spent way too much time downloading images of Milla Jovovich wearing thigh boots, but heck… even I still found the time to investigate the intricacies of the ACA in between pondering how she’d look in a Wonder Woman outfit.

Seriously Ken, you’re supposed to be a red-blooded American male- if you can’t cruise the web using only one hand, you should either turn in your man card, or watch the Phoebe Cates pool scene from the 80’s classic “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”, until you get your rhythm down.

You know which one I’m talking about. And I can guarantee, it’s a far better fantasy to obsess over, than the ones you’re currently having involving BLM. I will happily be the first to point out that the term “defunding” is an unfortunate flash point, but it’s also pointedly accurate for me to say as well, that if somebody truly wants to know what this movement regarding the demilitarization of the police is all about, Google and the information it can offer up, is no more than a few clicks away.

Therein however, lies the rub- no matter what the issue is, the person who’s either for it, or diametrically opposed against it, still must feel the need to educate themselves in regards to it, and those like Ken who blissfully exist inside a bubble amalgamated from ignorance and hubris, are never going to do so. After all, nothing upsets a bigoted Utopian gated community half as much as the graffiti of Truth does.

When it gets right to the cream filling of the perfectly chilled Ding Dong, the personal dedication to this sort of willful ignorance is kind of impressive, given the ease with which someone can choose to educate themselves. Knowing that this assessment is true, why would anyone make the conscious choice to fearfully wallow, as they strive to foster an unfamiliarity with reality in this, the Age of Accessible Information?

To what benefit does it serve to be proud of your intellectual illiteracy and outright loathing for that which should bind us in unity, but tragically, only serves to fuel those who despise all that they refuse to understand? Des it give you a sense of the power you currently don’t, and never will, have? Does it replace the love, intimacy, and prestige your life lacks? These are serious questions by the way, and I already know that you won’t (or to be more precise, can’t) answer, even if your life depended on it. Which when given grave thought, it kind of does.

I’ve always believed that when you shuffle off this mortal coil, the people who attend your funeral should uniformly be wearing black, and crying their eyes out, as they grieve your passing. If however, they’re tailgating with BBQ and beer kegs in the parking lot of the cemetery waving giant cardboard-cut-out middle fingers in the direction of your newly dug grave, odds are probably pretty good that your presence won’t be missed.                             In the end, Ted finally did get the Last Word concerning Aunt Karen, after all.            

Nonetheless, this continual back and forth that I, and many others, find ourselves engaging in with people who would disastrously lose a battle of wits against a rice cake, reminds me of an exchange from Christopher Nolan’s Batman movie, “The Dark Knight”, which occurs between the heroic alter-ego of billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne, and the iconic super-villain known as the Joker, delivered with a sense of ironic joy, as he hangs upside down, off the side of a building:

Joker: “You. You just couldn’t let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren’t you? Huh? You won’t kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won’t kill you because you’re just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.”

BATMAN: “You’ll be in a padded cell forever.”

Joker: “Maybe we could share one. You know, they’ll be doubling up the rate this city’s inhabitants are losing their minds”.

BATMAN: “This city just showed you that it’s full of people ready to believe in good.”

Joker: “Until their spirit breaks completely. Until they get a good look at the real Harvey Dent, and all the heroic things he’s done. You didn’t think I’d risk losing the battle for Gotham’s soul in a fist fight with you. No. You need an ace in the hole. Mine’s Harvey.”

BATMAN: “What did you do?”

Joker: “I took Gotham’s white knight and I brought him down to our level. It wasn’t hard. You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push.”

In Ken’s case, I don’t think it was so much a “push’ that steered him towards his particularly vile form of madness, as it was a gleeful hop, skip, and jump. For him to fully embrace an ideology better suited to fascism, and its cadre of obedient and lowly curs, required nothing more than willing compliance, and a predisposition to jump-starting a previously in-check sense of inane intolerance. Shockingly, when one lays down with the dogs of racism, they shouldn’t be at all surprised when they wake up with fleas the size of doorknobs.

Glass houses built on foundations of racist quicksand, and all that jazz.

Nevertheless, there’s a reason why I referenced the Dark Knight-, and it’s not just because it’s a great movie with a standout performance by Heath Ledger as Gotham’s eternal Clown Prince of Crime. It’s also because it inadvertently calls out the immovable object that America, if not the world, will always have to contend with, that being, the proliferation of willful ignorance.

There is possibly no stronger force on Earth than the will of someone who feels that they are being involuntarily forced to give up their preconceived notions, especially if they’re founded in a belief, rather than on evidentiary proof.

Backing up my POV, I present yet another interaction from earlier in the film, this one happening between our soon-to-be-fallen hero Harvey Dent, and the always-a-step-ahead Joker, where he wryly observes that: ”It’s the schemers who put you where you are. You were a schemer. You had plans. Look where it got you. I just did what I do best- I took your plan, and I turned it on itself. Look what I’ve done with this city and a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets.

Nobody panics when the expected people get killed. Nobody panics when things go according to plan, even if the plan is horrifying. If I tell the press that tomorrow, a gangbanger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics. Because it’s all part of the plan. But when I say that one little old mayor will die, everybody loses their minds. Introduce a little anarchy, you upset the established order and everything becomes chaos.

I’m an agent of chaos. And you know the thing about chaos, Harvey? It’s fair.”

See, we as Americans, have come to expect a fair amount of the people within a certain segment of our society, to be nuttier than Marjorie Taylor Greene giving a speech concerning Dr, Seuss. It is after all, “part of the plan”, but nobody, save outside Nostradamus himself, could ever have foreseen the influential reach of the lunacy we’ve been subjected to over the last five years. And we, just as our grease-paint clad antihero noted; “are destined to do this forever”, if the current trend of personal idiocy continues.

And make no mistake, my loyal readers, the base of GQP enablers and their disciples who are most responsible for the wave of anti-everything-humanistic currently eroding the soul of this country, are unquestionably, just waiting in the wings to launch scheme after scheme, as a means to regain their grasp on unchecked and of utmost importance, wholly corrupted power.   

In retrospect, Ken’s paranoia-fueled masturbatory fantasies regarding the “war” on cops, White culture, society, religion, the 2nd Amendment, free speech, honest media, the American judicial system, and the flammability of our inner cities, seems almost quaint by comparison, given the fact that there’s people out there who truly believe that a cabal of Satan-worshiping pedophiles who, while openly engaging in baby-centric cannibalism, also serve as overseers of a world-wide child sex-trafficking ring,

One that has a division being run out of a pizza shop’s basement, and by Hillary Clinton, no less,

In addition, they also found the time somehow, to foment a plot against former U.S. president Donald Trump while he was in office. You know, the adulterous, pu**y-grabbing, pornstar paying, treasonous, seditionist disgraced President with one of the lowest rates of sex trafficking prosecutions in recent history, who also has intimate personal and business ties to no less than five well-known pedophiles?

Sigh. It’s stuff like this that makes me wish Jewish Space Lasers were actually a real thing.

While Ken’s bigotry is a very palpable thing, the rest of his false narrative is certainly not, and neither is his sense of patriotism, his so-called Christian faith, or his concerns for those who just so happen to be outside his immediate Klan. Sorry… I meant to say “clan”.

YES… DEFINITELY THAT, AND NOT THE OTHER THING, ONCE MORE. Damn these klumsy fingers of mine.

My late Oma was fond of saying that some people’s only purpose on this planet was to remind us all what not to ever be, and in regards to that characteristic, I now feel that if she ever met Ken, he’d easily make the cut for her top three of whom not to emulate, although to be fair, I never understood why Mr. Rogers was ever on that list to begin with. My only guess would have to focus on his love of cardigan sweaters and hanging out with creepy puppets.

Who knows? Maybe I should have asked some questions, when I had the chance to do so.

Asking questions. It’s what we all should do if something that confuses or challenges us, flies across our radar, but to do so with an open and curious mind, especially right from the start, if you suffer from the lack of one. is too much of a trial for some. Ken being a prime example of this affliction, as we’ve come to discover through his dedicated approach to showing us all exactly why, some people go on to college, and others, shouldn’t be allowed to own shoes with laces.

He believes that you should always follow the orders of the police, “you” pf course, referring to Black people, alone. He believes that BLM is a terrorist group, yet ignores the very real threat of White Supremacy, when he’s not using their coded buzzwords, that is. He doesn’t support “bad’ cops, and the moment that he actually happens to see one, he’ll prove it. And no, he doesn’t need to watch your video, because it couldn’t possibly be the cop’s fault as to what happened.

He believes that “All Lives Matter”, but doesn’t ever want to talk about the Black ones. Wearing a mask is assign of personal weakness, but being afraid to wear one is personal strength of the highest caliber. He believes that all the media networks that tell him what he doesn’t want to know or hear preach “hate”, but the ones that artificially inflate his flaccid intellect are above reproach. He will “not apologize’ for things nobody asked him to apologize for, but rest assured, he would never condescend to grant the same courtesy to others.

He believes that “Justice wasn’t served” in the trial of Derek Chauvin, because the jurors dared to use their eyes to watch a murder caught on camera, and their ears to listen to the testimony of eyewitnesses and qualified professionals that proved beyond a shadow of doubt that it indeed was. And worse of all, their actions refuse to support his certainty that they should have found the Black guilty of being Black in America, which for our resident Captain Caucasian, is the worst offense of all.

He happily licks so many authoritarian boots, it’s a wonder that he doesn’t leave behind a pair of slip-on loafers every time he uses the bathroom. And when it comes to taking away the military toys and tactics that the police do not require nor deserve, he‘s of the mindset that certainly, it must be a Liberal plot to abolish the police entirely, rather than return them to the origin of their specifically intended charter.

For him, the world entire, presents as a highly infuriating, if not wholly terrifying Dystopia, and for that, I am truly sympathetic to his plight, even if he self-feeds this delusion as if it were Iggy Pop set loose and unchaperoned, in 1970’s Amsterdam. Sadly, I can offer no panacea for Ken’s issues, save for the recommendation that he undertake a personal voyage in educating himself out of his paranoiac inclinations, but we all know he’ll never be able to do that.

Not because he’s unable to, but because he hasn’t truly hit rock-bottom yet. And given his opinions, it’s fairly obvious that his version of rock-bottom still has a sub-basement (or two) underneath it.

“What a sad era when it is easier to smash an atom than a prejudice.” – Albert Einstein