Wayne Michael Reich

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Wayne Michael Reich

“We got the message / I heard it on the airwaves / The politicians / Are now DJs / The broadcast was spreading / Station to station / Like an infection / Across the nation / Though you know you can’t stop it / When they start to play / You’re gonna get out the way / The politics of dancing / The politics of, ooh, feeling good / The politics of moving, aha / If this message’s understood”
– The Politics of Dancing, song lyrics by Paul Fishman and released by the British band Re-Flex, in 1983.

Hello Blogiteers!

It’s finally (sort of) over. Thank God / Satan / Odin / Allah / Shiva / Zeus / Anubis / Hades / Ares / Ra, SpongeBob Squarepants and any other imaginary deity that can guarantee that not only will this country never have to deal with the Constitutional crisis that it just barely survived, we’ll also be graced with the lack of the visible presence of those inadvertently spawned by a cabal of absent fathers, and who’s best attributes were discarded prematurely on the inside of their mothers thighs.

While this wasn’t the main impetus fueling the crushing voting turnout that so happily unseated the domestic and international nightmare that was our Oompa-Loompa-tinted Wheezy Mussolini, it is still a joyous, if not unexpected, mirthful, consequence of such as well.

Now to be sure, it’s still too early in the game to predict what these collective Gravy Seals of Meal Team Six are apt to do, since they’ve just found themselves eternally cast in History as both a walking joke and cautionary tale, but if they attack as well as they debate, plan abductions, boycott companies, and showcase their critical thinking skills, I’m pretty sure that we’ll be safer than a prepubescent girl hanging out with Michael Jackson at Neverland Ranch, and probably far more consumed with unintended maniacal laughter, too.

Because when it comes right down to it, how seriously upon first sight, would you take a group of ideologically challenged xenophobic pinheads who willingly dress up and walk around in public like this?

I’m not trying to imply that this fine example of what happens when you fail to adequately fund both public education and access to birth control is some of the best unintentional comedy that this republic has seen in decades, due to the damage they’ve done to the fibers of its moral fabric, but c’mon…

even I have to admit that the level of ironically unaware self-ownership is epically off all the known charts previously entered into the public record. Despite the results of the godawful scheißshow that was this year’s presidential race, these human analogs for a bitterly undercooked pork and liver sandwich aren’t going anywhere or for that matter, away, anytime soon. The Jinn has been set upon the world entire, and it isn’t going to get back in its lamp willingly, now that it’s gotten a taste of power and the cultural influence resulting from the application of said catalyst.

This mélange of political inanity, racism, misogyny, bigotry, faux Christianity, stunningly hypocritical double-think, and an unfounded sense of pride in being blatantly ignorant, have all melded into a distillation of the worst aspects of Humanity, and while these qualities primarily comprise all that is, and all that will ever be, in regards to the abomination that is our outgoing dickless demagogue of dipshittery, it has also unfortunately produced a legion of cultishly devoted followers so educationally and morally imprudent, that even Caligula himself would be embarrassed to be seen in public with them.

And then there’s this sub-basement of larded losers we’ll still be dealing with for years to come.

It would be rather effortless to dismiss these not-so-Proud mamas-boys (and daddy’s-girls) as nothing more than imbecilic societal failures, even though this is not without some merit when seen within the grand scheme of things, but we should also take care not to smugly disregard what they may be capable of, if allowed to ferment unchallenged in the dark. Keep in mind that for every group of morbidly obese Jim-Bobs cosplaying urban soldier waddling in the wilds of Michigan or in the backwoods of Idaho, there’s a subset that’s actively planning terroristic acts with all the intensity of a fourteen-year-old boy checking out his first ill-gotten copy of Playboy.

Or given the technology of the current age, his first uninterrupted experience watching pretty much anything Pornhub has to offer. Or XNXX.com.

Either/or.
Different strokes and all that, no pun intended.

And while the majority of his pustulant disciples may retract their testicles of diminutiveness at the merest mention of ANTIFA, BLM, or an open library book, these future mental illness case studies and current FBI watchlist honorees, are more than excited at the possibility of picking up the metaphorical gauntlet in the so-called “defense” of their warped values as personified by the orange-tinted candy-ass they’ve pinned all their pathetic masturbatory fantasies of cultural domination to, but I digress.

This ain’t your daddy’s Republican party anymore, not that it has been for quite some time, but there’s definitely an arguably dark and deep chasm that’s developed between Ronald Reagans’ overly delusional “Great Society”, and the fascist-love-fest that the GOP has been willingly shilling hats, t-shirts, hate, divisiveness, and conspiracy theories for, since just before Barrack Obama was elected. And in their opinion, that wasn’t due to his serving as an example of how far American societal attitudes had matured, but to destroy everything that they held dear, such as the Bible, the Second Amendment, and protecting American hamburgers from the besmirching of Grey Poupon Mustard.

None of this is, or ever was, even remotely close to being true, but that’s how it was, and continues to be, packaged to a perpetually terrified white voter base no less than four years after the fact, as they believe a series of racist dog-whistles consistently blown harder than Melania’s next in line sugar daddy before the current one finds himself in jail, or if there is truly  indeed a God, before she not only sees her Einstein Visa revoked, but finds herself deported back to the makeup section of whatever passes for Walmart back in her native Slovenia.

Well that, or maybe we could just try calling her home-world and see if we can finally convince them to come and pick her back up, the next time they’re engaged in an act of what for them, serves as intergalactic cow tipping.

Let’s face it… It’s worth a shot. After all, they did take Andy Kaufman and Elvis back, which in retrospect, seems like a gargantuan mistake on our part. Just saying. But in our limited defense, it’s not like we had any prior warnings that Andy Dick and Nickelback were eventually going to show up.

There’s an old adage that goes “Evil never dies. It merely waits. And it grows stronger in the dark.”, so the most dangerous attitude we can take is to pretend all is well now, just because we hopefully managed to find the last Horcrux of Lord Moldyshorts. The reasoning that these cravenly cultists will go away quietly is not only overly optimistic, it’s also delusional as well, given their past and future desperation to maintain their death-grip on culturally political relevance.

Along those lines, an observation regarding evil penned by author Tess Gerritsen in her novel The Surgeon, notes that: “Evil doesn’t die. It never dies. It just takes on a new face, a new name. Just because we’ve been touched by it once, it doesn’t mean we’re immune to ever being hurt again. Lightning can strike twice.” While this may sound trite, given the fact that this wisdom is contained within a novelization based on the TV show “Rizzoli & Isles”, it does have a rather lengthy lineage of historical precedent as to its veracity.

For my part, the essence of what true Evil is, has always struck me as having the same dynamics of movement that mercury possesses. It flows effortlessly, regardless of whatever obstruction has been placed in its path, until its absorbed, and then the not-so-fun process of sickening the body begins in pure earnest. Whereas the previous symbols of Evil couldn’t be shown casually outside either carefully selected company or invitation-only locations, such as a Klan BBQ, an Idaho Compound, or a Republican family wedding and/or Fundraiser, the most recent visual incarnation of malevolent intent has singlehandedly managed to ruin both the color red and the former banality from which it sprang. I am of course, referring to this pile of merde one wears atop their empty skull to advertise their personal idiocy.

This symbol of wretchedly ignorant patheticness and faux-patriotism aside, the majority feeling within this country regarding the apocalyptic road show that has been the Trump administration and as to how its supporters will be viewed in the future, can be best summed up with the below meme, I think.

Speaking of which, given all that has happened within this flaming dumpster of depravity over the last four years, ranging from scandals of incompetence to outright corrosive corruption, the following question must be asked: “why are there any people left who still support this deacon of dumbf**kery in the first place?” Fortunately, I have the answer, and it comes literally from the horse’s ass… oops, I meant to say mouth. Mouth, I say!

This explanation of a belief system that for everybody else remains the closest thing we as a country will ever have to experiencing what a collective bad acid trip would feel like if we didn’t know the dealer personally, was best summed up by my newest right-wing BFF and twice-written-about human analog for sentient vanilla wafers, who issued the following insight for those of us snowflakes who just can’t grasp the concept as to why an otherwise normal human being would be so deliriously willing to lay down for a man who wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire. Once again, boys and girls, may I reintroduce the wit and wisdom that emanates from the lips of a man so proudly White, that he makes Mayonnaise present as the most exotic of all flavors…

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the one, and happily, the only… KEN CYKALA!!!
[A lone dog barks… a tumbleweed rolls by… somewhere close, a pigeon yawns…]

People? We’ve talked about this… when a guest like Ken shows up, you take his hood, his robe, his tiki-torches, and his pro-White supremacy memes, all while ignoring the fact that he smells like gasoline and bigotry, because that’s the job of a good host. And whatever you do, don’t let him know that none of the kitchen staff is white- we really don’t need him going full Kevin on us over his Turkey sandwich being handled by somebody he’d let mow his lawn, but not date his daughter. But as usual, Ken does serve a valuable purpose of sorts, and this time, it’s not to be just as an inadvertent subject of mockery. In Ken’s own inimitable words, which I will respond to in my usual style:

Ken: “If you are a liberal and can’t stand Trump and can’t understand why we want to vote for him let me fill you in. We don’t understand you either.”

AB: With no due respect, that’s just one singular item on an ever-growing list of things you don’t fully understand Ken, but I digress, because there simply isn’t enough room on the Web to go through all of what puzzles you here.

Ken: “You’ve done everything in your power to destroy this country by tearing down our police,”

AB: Yes, what a terrible position we’ve taken, holding the representatives of our civic safety personally accountable for murdering unarmed African-American citizens. That is, when they’re not abusing their mandated authority as they’ve been doing in ever-increasing incidents, as witnessed and recorded by the very persons they took an oath to protect.

Ken: “our cities, borders,”

AB: Would that be the cities that dare to allow minorities to live in close proximity to White persons like yourself, Kimberly? If so, I’d suggest you move to Idaho, and buy yourself a nice secure compound with really high walls, so that the scary darkies can’t remind you of their presence on this planet. And the best part? There’s plenty of alleged white supremacist morons like you, who are already entrenched like ticks living there already, so you’d feel right at home.

Ken: “and our history-systematically destroying our schools,’

AB: Oh no! Did a school actually tell the truth about how this Republic was founded on the racist and genocidal skeleton of eminent domain? Are the kids learning about slavery? Or our systemic racism? What about how we recruited some NAZIs, and let others escape Justice entirely? Perhaps they’re being shown why the Confederate flag is a sign of sedition and not culture? Gasp! I wonder if they’re experiencing what capitalism has come to represent as they attend school via Zoom, while their parents stress out as to how they’re going to pay for food, the mortgage, and all their other bills, as our legislators refuse to do anything for them or about it, But don’t worry, because the billionaires got a much-needed tax break, and that always trickles down, am I right?

Maybe they’re being taught to think critically, and to review all available evidence before making decisions based on nothing more than hubris and ignorance? Sure, that’s sort of worked out for you, not having to actually think and all, but most of us like seeing the next generation using their brains to their fullest potential. Mainly, so they don’t turn out as ignorantly bigoted, hateful, and pathetically useless as you.

Ken: “brainwashing our kids to make them think that socialism is the answer to everything.’

AB: Does anyone else see the unaware irony in this statement? Good. I was staring to worry. The guy who was educated in the public school system supported by taxes, who drives to work on tax-supported roads, and uses utility infrastructure underwritten and maintained in place by citizen-funded revenues, and who posts his idiocy on a social platform that operates under the same, wants to give us a lecture on the evils of using other peoples’ money to help those very same people live their best lives… let us all pay rapt attention. And don’t forget to take notes.

Ken: “Demonizing religion and faith,”

AB: Says the very same person demonizing any other religion that doesn’t qualify under his faux perception of what “real” Christianity is, and who needs to whine obliviously about how unfair it is that we won’t let him pimp Jesus out as a convenient excuse to be an abominable person. The sacred heart bleeds. And just for the record Ken, we don’t have any issue with you practicing your faith, what we take issue with, is you perverting the Word to justify your hurting of others who’ve done nothing to you, and pretend it’s Religion.

Ken: “glorifying abortion,”

AB: Ah, the pro-life dilletante who’s okay with cops murdering African-Americans, our President throwing immigrant children in cages, taking away food and financial aid from those who require it, and believes that BLM’s job is to fix all of the social ills that have vexed the African-American community for decades, regardless of whom or what is actually responsible for them, is morally offended by a personal and legal decision that he will never have to make, since he lacks both a uterus, and the inherent right to tell a woman what to do with her own body.

What Ken and the rest of his Handmaid’s Tale reenactors tend to overlook and on purpose, no less, is that even if they managed to end the legal practice of abortion, it won’t, in fact, actually cease to be. All it will do is end the practice of safe abortions. Hypocritically, these so-called Warriors for the Unborn are also the same demographic that fight against teaching sexual education in schools, and providing birth control access to those who want it, two measures, that actually decrease the rate of abortion and unwanted teen pregnancies.

Adding to this hill of less than noble aspirations, is the fact that once these children are born, people like Ken are the first to line up, sharpen their pitchforks, and light the tiki-torches of unfounded self-indignation, to malign those who carry the burden and guilt that Ken thinks Jesus would assign them. You know… if he had actually said anything about abortion in the first place? And Ken, NOBODY anywhere, at any time, or under any circumstance, has ever “glorified” abortion. They, unlike you, just understand that its not their right to demand that their voice be counted regarding what is in essence, nobody else’s goddamn business to begin with.

And if you are still ticked off about the act, then maybe you should consider the awkward fact that your mango man-crush with bone spurs of clay, is alleged to have paid for a few himself, although given his history of forcing sexual partners to sign NDA’s, the truth may never be known.

Ken: “violence and thug culture.”

AB: To be sure, if there is one thing the GOP is known for, it’s promoting the ideals of Peace. Just ignore a homegrown militia taking over governmental offices, or the Trump supporters showing up heavily armed and wearing riot gear to “patrol” voting stations, that is, when they’re not forcing campaign buses off the road in Texas, running protestors over in Charlottesville, or trying to subvert the Democratic process by threatening election workers. And when it comes to calling for a civil war if the Fanta Fascist isn’t reelected, nobody does it laughably better than these than hardcore followers of the teachings of Gandhi, as evidenced by the compiled photo of pure Zen depicted below. And keep in mind, they’re not going up against an opposing crowd of protestors here, they’re this pissed off at seeing a news crew inside a rented venue full of their own kind.In fact, given how genteel his followers are, it’s almost embarrassing to even mention how many incidents of targeted violence they’ve been responsible for over the course of the last few years, such as physical assaults, vandalism, and race-based hate crimes, all in the name of their manatee man-child. But on the upside, at least they’ve taken a lot of the heat off the ghost of Tupac Shakur, so there is that.


Ken: “From calling us racist,“

AB: This observation brought to you by the very same man whose Facebook page reads like a combination Proud Boys toilet training manual and cookbook, but please carry on with the posting of your racist memes, false race-based statistics, and masturbatory paranoid fantasies about BLM, as you whine about how you’ve been unjustly tarred as a bigot, Vanilla Lice.

Ken: “to ridiculing us for having the audacity of saying Merry Christmas,”


AB: No, you’ve been ridiculed for seriously claiming that you’ve been ridiculed for uttering a saying that even devout Muslims use just as frequently as you do. Other than the fact that nobody on Earth has ever mocked anybody else on Earth for saying “Merry Christmas” for any reason, this may quite possibly be the stupidest metaphorical hill that you’ve ever chosen to willingly die on. It’s so goddamn asinine to be honest, that rather than make a joke at your expense, I’ll just move on instead, knowing that the odds of you accidentally killing yourself heating up your Hot Pocket just went up about a thousand percent. And here I was, thinking that the probable cause of your ultimate expiration was going to involve the blatant misapplication of a reversed leaf-blower during a moment of self-pleasuring.

Ken: “or having a flag and celebrating 4th of July and standing for our National Anthem.”

AB: Once again, nobody on Earth has ever mentioned being offended by your Fourth of July celebrations, Ken. Well… except maybe the ones that certain alleged fans of your dogma hold on the front lawns of African-Americans at 3 A.M. in the morning, that is. And as for the whole “not standing for the National Anthem” garbage you Trumpanzees push as if you were Ecstasy dealers at a Midwestern college? It’s almost ironic, considering how often you guys fall for everything, so maybe you should just sit this round out, pumpkin.

Ken: “Or the Horror- wearing a MAGA hat out in public; so much for your tolerance!”

AB: Weird that smugly walking around with a symbol of racism, misogyny, willing ignorance, and treason perched on top of your otherwise empty skull, would elicit such a strong reaction from people whose souls and intellect actually work the way they’re supposed to, is it not? And I’ll keep that plea for tolerance in mind, the next time your candy-asses are whining about gay marriage, the civil rights of African-Americans, Islamic mosques, the #metoo movement, BLM, Antifa, and women having autonomy over their own bodies and health decisions.

Out of respect for both the free-time and the sanity of my readers, I won’t even rehash all the hilariously unsuccessful boycotts you dips**ts have launched, just because some corporation dared suggest that perhaps, the non-white, non-Christian, non-male demographic that sadly has to coexist side by side with your allegedly racist ass, has the same rights as you.

Ken: “We are voting for Trump not because he is the most charming character on the block; but because we vote for policy over personality.”

AB: No, you voted for Trump because you’re a cabal of sociopaths who’s willing to bleed if the people you consider inferior to yourself, find themselves theoretically suffering more than you, due to the machinations of a man so narcissistic, he’s had the inside of his eyelids mirrored. And as to your claim of “policy over personality”? the only policy you’re hoping for is the one that reverses the 13th Amendment, and also grants you a sizeable discount when you get your white hoods and robes dry-cleaned. And as to the subject of personality, I’d suggest you endeavor to acquire one that wasn’t rented previously by David Duke.

Ken: “We are sick and tired of your divisive, destructive, ignorant and intolerant behavior and beliefs parading around like some kind of “wokeness”” .

AB: For the sake of clarity Ken, I wasn’t aware that the Left was the side primarily responsible for mass shootings, sending pipe bombs to Congresspeople, drawing up plans to kidnap Governors so that they could be tried in a kangaroo court, setting ballot boxes on fire, calling the cops on African-Americans doing nothing more that living their lives, arming themselves to the teeth when they go out for a cup of coffee, storming en masse into election counting stations and demanding that democracy be usurped, and blindly following a mushroom-dicked megalomaniac who needs to have ego rallies every two weeks, because even his own wife won’t f**k him without a check being cut first, but please continue with your self-owning soapboxing, as we all could use the laugh at your expense when it comes to the inherent hypocrisy masquerading as your opinion.  

Ken: “We are voting for Trump because of you!”

AB: Yep. It’s all our fault, and not because you’re a bunch of hatefully racist, whiny faux-patriotic bitches who, because of a chromosome-deficiency resulting from their family tree resembling a wreath, possess all the critical thinking skills that the progeny of a union between a urinal cake and a venereal disease might have. And let me be the first to thank you so much for pointing this out to us, so that we can work on our flaws and become much better people. Hopefully in time, we can become just as racially paranoid and intellectually dim-witted as yourself in the long run. One can only hope. And if you actually believe that we’ll endeavor to do this, man have I got a bridge with a matching statue to sell you, because it’s become fairly obvious given your support of this throat cancer made walking flesh, that you’ll pretty much buy anything.

All of Ken’s unhinged ranting aside, it’s yet another nail in the coffin for the proof that even with Trump being taken out of the equation and his obsessively craved spotlight, we’ll still have the previously mentioned issue of intermeshed idiocy to deal with for possibly decades to come, given the current statistical models available for our perusal. And thankfully, I am not alone in this opinion, as the world’s view of our newly deposed Glorious Leader can be best summed up by how the lauded Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in Berlin decided to recently display their still smarter than the real thing wax sculpture of America’s spray-tanned s**t-spewing poster child for unchecked sociopathic narcissism to ever inflict itself upon others:

Damn. That move was so stone-cold, I could chill my drink just by walking past it. If anything, I think this act of exhibited contempt just goes to show that when it comes to the international community at large, Trump’s disastrous tenure has garnered the same respect that the director’s cut of “Bolero” did at the 1984 Academy Awards. And on a related note, Bo Derek was outright robbed when it came to the award for Best Actress that year, let me tell you.

But then again in retrospect… maybe not.

If I were to speak in my limited defense however, I was fifteen at the time, so a movie starring the hot chick from “10” cavorting around in the buff yet again for my late-night illicit amusement as her hair and makeup remain perfect throughout? Why yes, please. I’ll gladly sit through a film that makes 1984’s ignored cinema gem *“Ice Pirates” play like Shakespeare for that. And Ice Pirates actually co-stars Ron Perlman, so how cool of an unexpected bonus is that?
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-YZ8WOU1-w]

(All kidding aside, a great and super-cheesy 80’s flick, which I’d rank as being right up there with another 80’s diamond in the rough, Battle Beyond the Stars, which you can watch for free on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnvhVZOHDX8 )

Getting back on track, Trump immediately went to the subterranean closet where he’s hidden both his tax returns and marriage vows, and pulled out his box of threadbare classics, ranging from unsubstantiated cries of voter fraud to threats of legal action to stop valid ballots from being counted, which let’s face it, was what we all expected, given his fear of what prosecutorial actions are about to come his way, and that right quick. Keep in mind, this election has set a record for the highest voter turnout in 120 years. According to the US Election project, a nonpartisan site that tracks voting, an estimated 160M out of an eligible voting base of 239M cast their ballots this election cycle.

To give you some perspective, currently we’re seeing a 66.9% turnout, versus the 73.75% set by the 1900 election. That’s right kids- the last time voters turned out in a mass like this, was the very same year that the Zeppelin was invented. Ironic that one century saw the proliferation of an enormous bag of gas as a means to move the Industrial Age forward, and in this, the Era of Technology, we saw the removal of the very same, to achieve a similar goal. And even stranger, the failure of both parallels can be summed up in one photo:

Although to be fair, the Era of the Hindenburg might have had a few less NAZI’s to deal with, compared to whom Trump ultimately inspired, admired, and gleefully hired. The legacy that he will leave behind is one of presidential failure on a colossal scale as yet previously unseen, and the bitter truth he’ll serve up for his White Supremacist base is their knowing beyond reproach that the White guy they hired to destroy the achievements of a Black one, only showed that he and more importantly, they, were impotently inferior to completing the task. This however, does not negate the hard work that will belabor this country for years to come, as I have to wonder exactly how one manages to excise the vile residue of Trumps influence, and the people who are still swayed by it, off and out of, our country as it now currently stands.

The reality is that his base of bitchy bloviating blockheads aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, and not just because the ability to reintegrate them back into a civilized society may prove to be damn near impossible, but because of the lingering pandemic, that dually fostered by inaction and personal stupidity, bars them from traveling to anywhere that previously, might be willing to have had us. These people have had a taste of relevance, imaginary power, and feed off the palpable sense of fear that they can sometimes generate, so should any of us think that they would be more than willing to crawl back under the rocks from which they originally slithered?

By way of example, do any of you out there think for a second that this guy is truly open to a measured and logical debate? Especially when you just know that he touches his guns just as much as he touches himself, the only difference being that when he uses both hands during target practice, he doesn’t consider it as a three-way worth bragging about to his reflection.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking the act of self-love, but when you have to begrudgingly do it because your inflatable girlfriend consistently fakes springing a leak to avoid you touching her, odds are probably pretty good you’re walking around with one hell of a chip on that ham hock you call a shoulder. Combine that with an unfounded sense of being deceitfully socially marginalized, and that smoldering anger is equivalent to an entire case of Mentos and Diet Coke just waiting to go off, sadly f**king up that studio apartment they rent from their Mom in the process.

Hilariously, but not at all unexpected, the moronic mob that proudly wore this T-shirt to public events both formal and casual…

and who shrieked it as one of their rallying war cries, is now demanding that we don’t treat them harshly, something that I plan on doing with such frequency, that I may have to turn pro just to justify the tax deductions I’m going to claim regarding my efforts come April.

But I will, for the sake of my personal grace, offer them one piece of heartfelt advice in order to ease their pain somewhat. And the best part of doing this, is knowing that to a one, they already own several items of clothing boldly emblazoned with my repurposed message of sympathetic self-determination, that they can wear to cheer themselves up every time they get down in the Trumps. What was it they always liked to say, grinning with a smile only seen on the faces of serial killers when they run across a drunken coed, as they showed just exactly why most of them couldn’t open a Pop-Tart package without an adult’s help? Ah, yes… “GET OVER IT.”-17 goi-

Trust me, after a few months of sporting this scarlet slogan of shame, all of these people will be right as rain, rest assured. I for one, can’t wait to see the amount of disingenuous rationalization that’s going to occur aa these sub-Americans try to convince us not only that they’re ready to sit at the adults table yet again, but that we can trust them with the sharp knives once more. Now, while some people with far better souls than mine may be genuinely open to this idea of reconciliation down the road, I however, am never going to forgive those who willingly enabled this sociopath from the very first day that he took office, until the end of his presidency, which started with a ride down a golden escalator and ended with a savagely embarrassing press conference, located between a crematory and a dildo store.

Which hands down, is one pf the best political analogies ever witnessed in American politics, and serves as the best encapsulation of what Trump truly represented during his time in office: unavoidable death, and elements of sleaze that have no place in polite conversation, or our governance. The reality has always been that most former Presidents receive future accolades after their term/s of office, but I think Trump may be the rare public exception to this expected cornerstone of our now somewhat slightly damaged republic. Therefore, the question that arises is this: what glorification that his name could be attached to, is one that America would accept without protest?

Scratch a Presidential Library, as he’s never read a book, much less actually written one in his entire life, and I’m pretty sure that those halls of academia aren’t supposed to have an adult streaming section focused primarily on the cinematic works of Stormy Daniels, to begin with. There won’t be any sport stadiums clamoring for his name on the side, given his abominable comments regarding African-American athletes, nor will there be any cultural institutions knocking on his door, given his disdain for anything intellectually deeper than the veneer on his dentures.

And when it comes to the realm of successful personal endeavors, if this shell of a man couldn’t sell steaks, vodka, magazines, airplane services, a board game, or maintain faithfulness in his marriages, I seriously doubt he has the wherewithal to sustain his public presence far beyond the 2,102,400 minutes he’s already inflicted on the American people during his Reign of Error.

The only thing we still may have to suffer, until either cheeseburgers or New York’s AG takes him out, is his holding yet even more low IQ ego-stroke rallies, where he spreads both ignorance and COVID-19, as if it were glitter at a preschooler crafting party. And while he may no longe may have the national spotlight, he will still possess his nationalized front of *treue Kultisten that are not only still under his sway of influence, but are more than willing to finance his Ponzi scheme of creating a “defense fund” to challenge the valid election that unseated him.
*[“Loyal cultists”.]

However, any donations under 8K goes to “Save America,” a Trump leadership PAC, or political and the Republican National Committee, and under Federal Election Commission rules, both groups have broad leeway in how they can use the funds. In theory, Trump’s PAC could spend money on other candidates, pay for personal expenses, of which, travel and hotel stays would be covered using this so-called “defense fund”. The breakdown is thus: if somebody donates 8k, the Save America PAC would receive 5K, and the RNC, $3,300K. If the same said donor contributed $500, $300 of it would go to the SA PAC, and $200 would go to the RNC, with zero going to the fund that the donor believes that they’ve actually contributed to.

This fundraising effort is yet another insincere fraud upon a pile of previous frauds enacted by Trump to bolster both his ego and his failing empire, one that he built on the most unstable swath of moral marshland that he could find, using other people’s money. And despite his self-claimed business acumen, this newest flaccid deceit will fail as spectacularly as his term in office did, for he simply has nowhere to go but down, and his enemies both real and imagined, will make sure of that, if for no other reason than the Schadenfreude that will come of it. And while the rest of us might go to ground when faced with certain future prosecution and the after-effects of a legendarily humiliating defeat, both of which can literally be laid at his feet alone, Trump simply can’t do so, because quite honestly, his Ego doesn’t know how to gracefully egress.

Opining as someone who has “successfully quit” no less than 176 times, the act of drinking daily six-packs of Coke and engaging in consistent chilled Ding Dong gluttony, I can’t imagine that the process of stepping away from your role as a cult leader can be accomplished quite in the same way that one can stop smoking cigarettes, by going cold-turkey. Especially when it’s a widely known and accepted fact that you’re a slovenly s**t-spewing raging narcissistic sociopath to begin with. Trump approaches Fame very much in the same way that Iggy Pop once did heroin, except for him, the act of forcibly withdrawing from the public’s eye is a fate possibly far worse than even the most terrifying of horrid deaths.

Speaking of withdrawal symptoms, it seems that the Trump faithful are going through some of their own, but unlike those kicking heroin, the resultant hope for these Rage addicts isn’t to improve their situation by reentering society, but to flee via the World Wide Web to another land where they, and others of their ilk, can hide inside their bouncy castles of reinforced intolerance instead. Imagine that… the very same self-declared conservative bad-asses who mocked Liberals for needing a “safe space”, have finally come out of their Mom’s basement as the truly craven candy-asses we’ve always known them to be, and are migrating en masse to the biggest pillow fort of Pussitude ever coded, that being the Facebook clone known far and wide as Parler, or as many are currently calling it; “MeinSpace.”

Other lovingly bestowed names for this cravenly assemblage of sheer asininity, are as follows: Fashbook, OnlyFash, 4Klan, HickTok, Plenty of Fash, OkStupid, MoronMingle, KlansMenOnly, Flakebook, Meindr, CrySpace, and a newcomer that I’m both behind and against, that being “Reichbook”. The reason as to why this is so, is not too complicated to ascertain. On one hand, I loathe consistently seeing my surname associated with these contradictory *Cronenbergs, and on the other… well, it was superlatively summed up by my best friend, who noted wryly on my FB page that; “I don’t know, an entire social media network dedicated to you seems on brand. 😉
*[David Cronenberg is the Canadian horror film director best known for the cinematic cult classics, “Videodrome“ and “Scanners”. In popular slang, a “Cronenberg” is a grotesque, often mutilated being that resembles something one might find at a Trump rally.]

Undoubtedly, he may have struck the nail on the head with that one, but at least I could easily guarantee that my version would have far less NAZI sympathizers on it than the current FB does, and that Parler is hoping to attract to its website, which seemingly caters to the type of person who when they do get laid, it’s either due to an act of incredible charity or the forcibly applied use of chloroform. And most likely, that f**king will be done with their socks on, no less.

When you factor in the realization that their bank account balances are far too low to hire a professional for the evening, or in their case, a 20-minute pity-party at best, it becomes obvious as to why these terrified twittering twats have no choice but to claim the moral high ground as they once again hide under the internet’s bed, and wave their Chinese-made flags of cowardice and ignorance. For those of you who still aren’t hip as to what this alt-right Facebook is, here’s a brief synopsis, courtesy of yours truly, referenced from a previous blog I wrote about one of its alleged members, a local from around my neck of the woods who is the end result of what would happen if one took a jar of rancid mayonnaise and gave it both life and Internet access.

So, if I were to loosely paraphrase myself, I’d probably note that Parler, which launched in August 2018, is a website that hilariously claims to be all about nonbiased “free speech”, yet it’s content typically consists of far-right canonized mistruths, antisemitism, and conspiracy theories that are best suited for an audience dressed in tin-foil. Or maybe they could print up some special shirts for their newest members, as it seems the classic brown ones are back in vogue among them these days. Just an idea, from me to you, my *entzückende Soziopathen.
*[You know the drill. Google it.]

But who exactly, is their stereotypical audience? That would be hardcore Trump supporters, conservatives, and oddly, Saudi nationals- three separate but concurrently warped demographics that abhor the purest aspects of Free Speech and Reality to begin with. So, if my case need be proven to those skeptics still remaining within the range of my writing it appears that if I were ever inclined to commit suicide, all I need do is climb to the top of this collective’s group Ego, and then hurl myself down to the level of its IQ, and voila… mission accomplished, and not without with leaving a fair amount of splatter behind as an achievement, I might add.

The last time I ever heard of this many members of a Fascist swingers club fleeing to a symbolic sovereign nation with no discernible extradition treaties, was right after World War two, when Argentina experienced a huge influx of German tourists asking desperately to overstay their visas by just a few decades or so. Now, this might be debated as almost admirable if it were honorable dissidents or the like seeking Sanctuary, but these, the most cowardly yield of the Trumpkin patch are so not that, as we shall come to see.

On its thin as veneer surface, Parler markets itself as an alternative to Facebook’s notoriously uneven and arbitrary monitoring algorithms, as reflected in these screenshots from the site:

However, when it comes to its declaration of being a truly open free speech platform, the actuality of what it considers as such may be a tad bit murkier, the proof provided courtesy of the previous postings. To note;

Customize what you see and who you interact with by filtering out sensitive material, bots (or accounts that identify as bots) — or even particular keywords you’d rather not see in comments to your parleys. Whatever you’d rather not see on your profile or feed, we give you the tools you need to do your own “shadow-banning” – while still leaving everyone else free to decide for themselves what they wish to see on their profiles and feeds.”

I don’t know about you, but for me, there’s nothing funnier than unintended and ironically hypocritical self-owning humor. Especially when you keep in mind that the people who get off calling Liberals “Snowflakes” for being overly sensitive to abominable speech, are fleeing by the flag-waving truckload to a website that unlike FB, allows them to literally filter out words and thereby ideas, that they don’t like, or more importantly, are openly terrified by the thought of. If there is a saving grace, its now knowing with no uncertainty just whom the most hateful of our fellow citizens are by their own declaration, and for that, we should offer them our gratitude for their self-identification, so that we may avoid them in the future.

Please note that I said “avoid”, and not “ignore”, for if left unsupervised and unregulated, Evil and Ignorance tend to grow unhindered when in the dark, and we’ve all seen enough horror movies to know what happens when somebody’s curiosity finally drives then to go see what’s been making all that noise in the unlit basement, haven’t we? What we as individuals, and America as a whole, needs to understand is that this exodus is really not a retreat, so much as a regroup, and the consequences of such will rear its ugly head down the road, and not long after we‘ve come to believe that the hate-mongering mythical Hydra has been laid to rest. And while you think I might be referencing this particular Hydra;

I’m actually thinking of this one;

given how Parler’s newest devotees were (and still are) so eagerly willing to blindly accept the marching orders of a craven not fit enough to look at the Cosmic Cube AKA: The Tesseract, much less hold it.  And sure, while that’s an issue of his lacking personal character, it’s also due to the fact that his hands are so damn tiny to begin with.

[SPOILER: It so does not go well for him, so take a note, Donnie. Just saying.]

What’s equally parts pathetic, amusing, and somewhat terrifying, is the reality that he and his cult still think that they can retain their semblance of governing power by falling back on the classics they’ve employed since the 2016 election-  threats of violence, judicial interference, unfounded charges of voter fraud, or in the most recent example of their literal disconnection, sticking their heads in the proverbial tar-sands, and fantasizing that Trump actually won reelection, despite the round of recounts proving otherwise.

This course of action was to be fair, not unexpected from the Cult of Personality that Trump has fostered, but it does prove that the truly hard work facing the new administration of swiftly repairing what damage has been so successfully wrought by Trump and his enablers, hangs above their heads as if it were the Sword of Damocles. This in my opinion, is exactly what the GOP planned when it became apparent they’d have to give back control of the country whose fellow citizens they maligned, terrorized, and outright murdered thousands  of, through incompetence and hubris.

Rest assured however, that his base doesn’t, and never will, see it that way. For in their perverse estimation, they are the true “victims” in regards to their current state of affairs, which they themselves helped create, and continue to feed, even at the risk of their own personal safety, whether that translates as ethically, financially, or spiritually. In fact, as the untenability of their situation has become more crystalline to even the dimmest among them, their desperation to avoid its oncoming fallout becomes ever increasingly more frantic.

Witness the “patriots” protesting outside ballot counting stations, their “Million Man [more like 10K, actually] MAGA March” in DC, and the continuing bleating about launching a “Civil War”,  and that tells you just how frightened they really are about themselves being cast aside in favor of the core values that they long ago turned their backs on, if not leveraged their souls in lieu of.

Even more indicative of this collective meltdown were the postings on social media as the tide turned against Trump, even in states that he once had a political death grip on. And like any cornered and wounded animal that might have internet access, his base lashed out with all the classic hits, such as: “Voter fraud”- none proven or detected. “Fake news”– it’s amazing we never had any until we got a fake president, huh? “Illegal votes being counted”– also, no proof of this. “Dishonest and corrupt media” – say the people at FOX, the paragon of honesty in journalism. “Mail-in voting is unsafe”– which is why the majority of Trumps cabinet, including Trump himself, used it to cast their ballot. “George Soros paid…”- I wish, as I could really use the extra money. “Hillary did…”– no, she did not.

And in a blast from the past, the favorite GOP boogeyman of the last twelve years, 44th President of the United States, Barrack Obama, who is allegedly responsible for the worst crime in the history of politics, that being “Obamagate”. Even though nobody, including his accusers, can explain exactly what so-called crimes were actually committed, and against whom. But that didn’t stop my newest BFF Ken Cykala from reaching into his Deep State gift bag, and pulling out a meme that has literally nothing to do about anything, because when it comes to spotlighting what happens when you stuff vanilla-scented bigotry and a stuck caps key into an Aaryan sausage casing, and let it loose upon the world entire, Ken’s the poster child for the cause:

Ken: “WHY DOES OBAMA HATE AMERICA AND EVERYONE SEEMS OKAY WITH THAT, BUT TRUMP LOVES AMERICA AND PEOPLE HATE THAT!”

AB: I’m not sure Ken, maybe it has something to do with the fact that Obama wanted to improve education, end wage inequality, grant healthcare access, solidify civil rights and justice equality, and promote our image abroad as a beacon of hope, versus your losing one-termer mango man-child who purposefully did the opposite, due solely to his spiteful obsessiveness with a Black guy whose legacy he couldn’t surpass, using both of his freakishly small hands and a truckload of debunked propaganda.

Weirdly, I wasn’t aware that quadrupling the national deficit, using the Oval Office as an unhinged bully pulpit, hiring your unqualified kids to key positions, installing boot-licking sycophants to run cover for your illegal endeavors, praising dictators, saluting their generals, overlooking the murder of an American resident by the Saudis, lauding NAZIs and White supremacists, ignoring your presidential responsibilities, refusing to address bounties placed on our soldiers by his Russian puppet-master, lying nonstop, imprisoning children in cages, and oh yes…

Mismanaging and ignoring a pandemic which [at this time] has killed close to a quarter-million Americans, and forced the permanent closure of over 100k American small businesses, was an act of “love”. If this is how Trump expresses his sense of romantic affection, I can only imagine the true horror unveiled when he “hates” something with every fiber of his flatulent ferret-topped being. It’s way past the time Ken, when you should have realized that he’s an abusive boyfriend, and you’re just one in a long line of disposable side-pieces that he loves to smack around when his Ego gets bruised. That is, when he condescends to notice you’re even alive in the first place.

There’s been several queries bandied about regarding what Trump and his fans endgame truly may be, but it’s not that hard to figure out- he wants to stay out of jail and remain drunk on power, and they basically want to see that happen for him, even if it comes at the cost of their own (but preferably others) safety and/or wellbeing. Need proof? Just read Ken’s recent declaration below that he’s perfectly okay with our nation and its citizenry, which includes HIMSELF, being put at grave risk, because he seriously believes his mango-man-crush was treated far worse than anybody else in presidential history.

To quote: “Will no other President (the Bushes, Clinton, Obama) were treated the way Trump was treated.” Misspelling aside, it’s almost embarrassing to point out that Lincoln, Garfield, and Kennedy might disagree with that, having been assassinated and all, but I guess he also thinks right-wing media and its pundits referring to the Clintons as serial murderers while their audience went on to post images online depicting Obama being lynched and declaring he wasn’t a true American, was what Ken considers the height of civility, huh?

I’m not entirely sure what Ken’s parents did to him during his formative years to justify his continuously embarrassing them in public, but I’m starting to think that particular debt’s been paid back in full, with compounded interest, by the very nature of how this sack of rancid milk continues on in his bigotry. But here’s the rub that Ken and his kind either don’t realize, or want to accept, and it is best phrased by the character of Tony Stark, billionaire playboy/industrialist and Marvel superhero Iron Man, in a cinematic exchange with Asgardian villain Loki, in the midst of a pivotal battle taking place in NYC:

“You’re missing the point! There’s no throne, there is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it’s too much for us but it’s all on you. Because if we can’t protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we’ll avenge it!”


As the sadly not at all singular example of Ken clearly proves, there’s a lot of hateful Red Hat Brigade meatheads still out there, who may even possibly be prone to violence, just waiting for another opportunity to present itself, but in the end, they are inconsequential to what this country is and what it really represents. And no matter how they protest that their president is or has been treated “unfairly”, the truth is that he has not only brought all of his woes upon himself, but could also care less about whom he uses or hurts to save himself, and he’s proven it almost every day for the last four years, without pause or redemption.

However, there is a positive slant to all we have experienced, and the recent election cements that optimistic POV of mine, past reproach. Sure, he should have been defeated in a brutally crushing landslide, and the fact he did not is worrisome, but despite all the threats, gaslighting, political intrigues, and attempted voter suppression by the GOP, the system still worked. Even when faced with the multiple bogus court challenges and pointless ballot recounts that Trump tyrannically demanded, in a a pathetically spiraling attempt to stave off the inevitable, which is the unarguable fact that:

HE LOST, YOU CANDY-ASSED SNOWFLAKES, AND COME JANUARY 21ST, JOE WILL BE YOUR PRESIDENT, WITH A MIXED-RACE VP AS A BACKUP, AND THERE ISN’T S**T YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. NOT NOW. NOT EVER. AND REGARDLESS OF WHAT THREATS YOU MAY FANTASIZE ABOUT, GET USED TO AT LEAST FOUR YEARS OF US REMINDING YOU OF IT, EVERY DAY.

TO NOTE:
HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST. HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST, HE LOST.  

And thanks to his unwarranted recount demands, we got to see that event happen over and over again, which in my book, never truly gets old.

Please feel free to cope with it in any manner that you wish, as by fleeing FB, you’ve willingly ticked off the “most cowardly” box on the safe-space-snowflake checklist, so what’s one more embarrassingly revealing flaw of character on the pile you’ve worked so hard to previously establish? Not surprising however, is just how many of these Rethuglican refugees from Reality have also as of yet, not deleted their FB accounts, despite their assertion that they’re leaving if for good. The reason for this has nothing to do with keeping in touch with family or friends, or even wanting to stay tenuously involved in the relevant discussion taking place, it’s all about them getting their daily fix of acrimonious endorphin.

Understand that by surrounding themselves with like-minded individuals, the odds of their coming away with an “I owned the Libs today” story is close to zero, thanks to the false equivalence that they themselves have constructed, and they need that interaction to add a sense of depth to their otherwise empty and soulless lives. Without that, they truly are, and most certainly have, absolutely nothing of note to either offer themselves or brag about to their comrades at large, and they know it, which is why they refuse to surrender that tenuous thread, regardless of how it contradicts their so-called principles

Piece of advice, my Warriors of Wussiness? The threat to you isn’t coming from the outside, because betrayal isn’t an act set in motion by your enemies. Given yet even more of the hypocrisy they’ve become infamous for, I can’t wait to watch what happens when these political piranhas realize with slowly dawning horror that the calls from the masked killer were coming from inside their doublewide the entire time. These Disciples of Douchefer have not only started eating their own, they look forward to doing so, despite the fact it’s what will lead to their ultimate destruction in the end. Let’s face it, you know things have gotten weird when it’s the Trumpers who are the ones chanting “FOX Sucks!” louder than the liberals.

There’s numerous jokes going around about betting squares regarding what the next cultural morass of 2020 would be, and I personally went all in on the murder hornet thing, but Trumpites going after the openly propagandistic arm of their cravenly Cheeto-in-Chief, but here we are, sans the murder hornets, but painfully overstocked in the crazy-as-f**k cultist department.

But then and once again, since these are the people behind the million-moron movement, maybe we as a society, shouldn’t be all that surprised that they may not only have a few screws loose, but possibly may have also over-tightened a few select ones as well, now should we?

That last image says it all, I think: mentally obese, fueled by jingoistic paranoia, and blinded by the faux aura of a person so repellent, that even the unlucky residents of the 5th Bolgia in the *8th Circle of Hell, don’t want to be associated with him.
*[In Dante Alighieri’s “Inferno”, Malebolge is the name for the eighth circle of Hell. When translated from its native Italian ino English, the titler stands for “evil ditches”. It is described in Dante’s Inferno as a large, funnel-shaped cavern, which has been divided into ten concentrical circular trenches or ditches, each dedicated to a particular sin.

The 5th ditch is filled with boiling tar. and is reserved for barrators, who committed the sins of graft by profiting from their political offices. They are to remain eternally submerged within the boiling tar or else face being stabbed by demons armed with pitchforks. Wow, Cartoons actually got that part right… who would have guessed that?]

But this putrid pack is not as cohesive as it once was, as evidenced by the numerous advocacy-based groups of either former or still current Republicans who’ve not only taken to condemning him publicly, but like *The Lincoln Project, have also undertaken to directly attacking him using the very same media he both loves and abuses to endlessly manipulate his base of fetid offal, most of whom can pass as human, thanks to their closet full of badly-tailored human skin suits.
*[The Lincoln Project is an American political action committee assembled in 2019 by a group of both current and former Republicans, whose goal was to thwart the re-election of our currently refusing to concede, Loser-in-Grief, Donald Trump, along with the other complicit Repugs who were running to maintain their positions as well. Adding to their metaphorical flip of the bird to Trump as it were, the committee announced its endorsement of President-elect Joe Biden, in April of 2020.]

Now, while some political pundits have decreed this as a moral victory for the ages, let’s not forget for any amount of time, that these very same people waited almost four years to reinstall their cojones and ethical compass. Why this is so, may present itself as a matter of conjecture for the crowd at large, the reason for this is definitely quite clear to me, thanks to my sense of inherent cynicism. Granted, in the past, it’s true that most Republicans would openly vow they’d only vote a straight ticket with some degree of pride, it’s fairly obvious that most participants involved with The Lincoln Project are willingly exploring their Bi(den)-curious side as of late, an exploration of self that I find rather insulting at worst, and disingenuous at best.

Let me explain this pessimistic assessment, if I may. As I see it, if you still openly self-identify as a Republican, and haven’t been protesting this morally decrepit administration and the Cheeto Führer who’s lead it follows, then you’ve either been asleep or distantly complicit. In my opinion, most of these so called Bravehearts are actually indeed, the most scurrilous of turncoats, who are not to be trusted. Republicans have always tended to be a demographic that along with modern-day so-called Christians, truly don’t give a damn about anyone or anything, until it affects them personally, and only then, will they go after the issue with the same fervor that they display when they see that their gay neighbors across the street are flying a Pride flag in their front yard.

In my personal opinion, this current crop of people chanting “It wasn’t us”, are no better than Jeff Flake, Mitt Romney, or John McCain- three morally ambiguous politicos who all grew a spine either on their way out the proverbial door of governmental employment and into the private sector, or off this planet, as McCain did. Once Trump made their lives or political futures uncomfortable or untenable, they couldn’t jump in fast enough to “protect America”.

To be clear, I am in no way attacking McCain’s military service record, or tarnishing his atrocious experience as a POW. After all, unlike Trump, he not only answered the call of duty when asked to, he honored it far beyond what was expected of him. That said, I truly despised him as a politician, given his willingness to overlook certain abominable aspects of his party, his bravery in wartime notwithstanding.

What these so-called people of conscience are trying to protect first and foremost, before the rest of us or even this country are taken into consideration, is their social status, political capital, and personal reputations, and that’s it. Yes, there have been more than a few who’ve been fighting Herr Comb-over since day one, but the majority of them have not, opting instead to sit on the sidelines, nervously waiting to see which side emerged victorious, before choosing whom to ally themselves with for the final push. In other words: too little, too late.

I’m glad you found your keenly dropped sense of patriotism my faux Americans, but you can take that newfound buyer’s remorse of yours, and shove it sideways, because you weren’t unaware of who he really was when he slithered in. You were tested. And you failed. Not just your country, and your fellow citizens, but everyone you claim to care about, and yourself as well. I’m sure that you feel that absolution should be granted upon you, now that you’ve shown up far too late on this side of History’s fence, but I’m also as certain, that if Trump had gotten his way, you’d still be wearing his hat, waving his flag, and chanting “Lock Her Up!” with all the passion demanded of a lobotomized monkey at one pf his *erbärmlich Nuremberg-esque rallies.
*[“wretched”]

As far as I’m concerned, you should never be allowed to have a seat at the adult table again, because you proved you weren’t mature or selfless enough to warrant it in the first place. But look on the bright side… at least you’re free of the responsibility and burden of ever having to be trusted again by anyone whomever was naïve enough to place their faith in you to begin with.

So, to recap… a multitude of candy-assed dickless demagogues who’ve been screaming “Get over It!” since 2016, ignore their own edict, willingly flee to a safe-space so overly padded and protected against the possibility of their being exposed to reality and opposing points of view that one could fall upon it from a low-earth orbit and not suffer a scratch, as they post memes and false narratives from under the Internets bed that they seriously believe will reverse the outcome of the Presidential confirmation.

All of this, as their Cheeto-tinted Jim Jones refuses to concede an election that he lost fair and square, and amusingly, after demanding recounts… LOST BY EVEN MORE VOTES, YET AGAIN, which let’s face it, makes this the most glorious case of reinforcing the self-destruction of one’s Ego that has ever been witnessed. Prior to, and continuing during this mass exodus, a smaller group of Republicans decided to publicly step across party lines, out of fear for either possibly being held complicit for their roles in the enabling of Trump, or due to the resultant political residue his long-overdue fall may have upon their careers in the long-term.

Did I miss anything? No? Cool. Just wanted to make sure I was on point, as when it comes to the activities of the Petite Penii Stadium Patriots, a wary eye is necessary, In a pack, they may present as a snarling mass of muscle, but when faced mano-a-MAGA? Blubbering bigoted balls of bloviating. Considering that even his previously loyal attack terrier FOX News is calling out the lies he propagates without fail, it just might be about time for someone to go check the current temperature in Hell… just a thought. I’ve said it before, and I know I have to say it again, but I don’t get nearly enough credit for not having a backyard dotted with shallow graves… yet, that is.

However, these rats hiding in the theoretical shadows of the s**thouse they call Parler, fail to compare to the Mini-louse currently hiding within the walls of the people’s house, safely behind guards and barricades, neither of which will protect him from America’s judgement come January 20th of 2021. Moreover, I am also really enjoying the fact that every day during his numerous hours spent utilizing his “Executive Time”, he literally gets to witness the metaphorical wall being quickly erected between him and his rapidly diminishing power in regards to a position of authority he never should have been given access to in the first place. Not only did he lose the election and the popular vote by a margin of 6M, his far better respected opponent won by the EXACT NUMBER of Electoral votes that Trump did when he “defeated” Hillary Clinton in 2016.

At the time, he lauded the achievement as a “tremendous win”, but now that it was shared by his desired replacement? Well obviously, it must be rampant “voter fraud”, right? Even worse, his hand-picked judges are ruling against him left and right, reporters once cowed by his bluster are openly mocking him to his face, his once-loyal subordinates and lackeys are jumping ship, his main media squeeze FOX no longer kisses his ass, and even the OAN and his Twitter account are being threatened by the very same platforms that once let these both run roughshod.

Can you even imagine what that must be like to experience? It has to be akin to a condemned prisoner watching the local townspeople slowly erect the gallows that they’re eventually and happily, going to hang you on. And worse, not only is it going to be televised worldwide, but feature entertainment and celebrities that to this day, won’t even acknowledge the fact you invited them first to your housewarming party four years ago. That’s gotta hurt, to say the very least.

Man, when even Nickelback or Andy Dick won’t return your phone calls, you my friend, are done.

Irrespective of the fact that the light at the end of the tunnel is Lady Liberty’s torch, this collection of covidiots and drunken regret still maintains he will remain in power, notwithstanding of what Constitutional Law and the votes cast by their fellow Americans say. It’s not that they can’t accept his loss because of their limited intellect, it’s that they don’t want to accept his loss because it challenges their limited intellect. They can claim America is on the road to ruin or Hell, which as we all know, is paved with cruel intentions, but it’s all for naught. In the end, their vision of America is not the America that will evolve from its time spent annealing in the hellfire that Trump and his followers spread far and wide as they did their idiocy.

Speaking only for myself, I love the concept of an America where people are provided with the basics of what they need to be happy and taken care of. Access to affordable healthcare. Social programs for the needy. The end of corporate welfare. Universal basic income. And the rich finally paying their fair share of taxes too, an idea which should also be applied to churches. People who vote have to pay taxes, I see no reason why religious organizations who attempt to influence the laws of this land shouldn’t do the same. Unlike the alt-right gaslighting us all regarding the “evils” of our society taking care of each other, rather than corporate masters, as they whip up false narratives about minorities, I’m a big fan of what America already has to offer, beside those things we’ve all come to take for granted.

Things such as: a multicultural society that has not only brought us the underappreciated gift of taco trucks, but forward progress and unlimited diversity as well. I love that there are towns where drag queens read storybooks to kids in public libraries, and nobody gives a damn. I love that American atheism has never killed anyone, or brainwashed people into believing that they are truly moral only if they hate somebody else or their lifestyle, without logical cause. I love that I and everybody else, can write or say whatever we like regarding this country and its actions, because let’s face it- every now and then, we need to call Truth to Power to those who are supposed to serve us, and not the other way around.

And I love the fact that even when grave mistakes in judgement are made by the citizens of this country, they can still be reversed by harnessing the will of the People, as this past election just proved. However, that still won’t change the minds or adjust the attitudes of the 73M + who still voted for the man who is already being accurately viewed as America’s worst president, and regardless of what proof is presented, their slavish faith in him will remain as indissoluble as the first time they witnessed him and his mail-order bride coming down that golden escalator.

But despite this pessimism of mine, we should still take heart as to what the positives are that this seemingly inexhaustible mass of mental-morbidity will provide us over the years to come:

Cautionary tales. Endless jokes. Sentient walking punchlines. Proof as to why libraries, public education, and birth control access should all be funded 100%. Even more damning evidence highlighting exactly why the Evangelical Marys’ of MAGAlene should be kept from ever accessing the vital machinery of creating American policy. And most certainly, the end to the use of the maxim that “Anybody can be President”, as if anything, the boundaries of which, have been stretched far past the point of what was originally intended by the Founding Fathers.

What I am anticipating however, is the apt to be convoluted rationalization by these covidiots as to how the candidate they painted as wholly senile if not unpopular with the American people, still managed somehow, to oversee a shadowy cabal of conspirators plotting to “steal” the election away from the trustworthy man of the sheeple who once claimed in regards to the popular vote of the race he eventually won, that 3M people voted illegally, and that he had proof of this, yet for some odd reason, never presented it to the public.

My guess is that this evidence is being kept in the very same place where his marriage vows and tax records are stored.

Literally, I cannot wait to see how that desperate gambit plays out, given the fact that Trump’s legal challenges team, assembled by repeatedly watching select late-night-tv commercials, has either been laughed or rebuked harshly out of court no less than 35 times. Thirty-five occasions BTW, where they have yet to provide any proof of the voter fraud that their terrified toddler keeps insisting cost him winning the election that he and his boot-licks maintains he won by “a lot”, no matter what the numerous closely observed recounts and court losses have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt.

But one strange aside… despite Trump’s unfounded claims of voter fraud, that term has yet to be used in any of the bogus cases he’s set forth before the courts, and even his own attorneys have consistently played the “inconsistencies” card when questioned by judges, rather than prove the case for what Trump publicly says they’re fighting.

Why is that, do you think?

Well, it’s pretty simple, overall. First, there are penalties to egregiously bearing false witness in open court, but not so much in public, as long as you stop short of what could be considered actionable slander. Second, Trump’s base of red-meat fans couldn’t be as easily dog-whistled into a state of mindless and unquestioning frenzy if they knew (or believed) the actuality of what had really occurred, and third, it is most assuredly certain that he couldn’t charm his brainwashed sheeple to willingly open their checkbooks to finance his lifestyle one last time if he conceded defeat without giving them a scapegoat first.

Leopards can’t change their spots, and grifters can’t stop grifting, and all that. One thing I do get however, is their love for the conspiracy theory that Trumps team of ambulance speed-bumps have been touting as the “truth”. Not because it fills in hypothetical gaps with any credibility, but because it’s so bats**t crazy, it can’t be proven one way or the other. Oh wait. Yes, it can actually be disproven quite easily, because there’s no evidence to support the claim whatsoever, and as I noted a moment ago, IT’S COMPLETELY F**KING INSANE to start with.

This steaming pile of a Giuliani fever-dream that is being disseminated, is that the 2020 election was stolen because a left-wing software firm, connected to Hugo Chavez the deceased (since 2013) dictator of Venezuela, abetted by China and with the willing participation of a handful of set-in-place Democrats and disloyal Republicans, illegally switched hundreds of thousands of pro-Trump votes via a system utilizing corrupted software, thereby illegally swinging the election over to Biden instead.

One recently dismissed (and just as quickly disavowed) member of Trump’s legal team Sidney Powell, went so far as to claim that the algorithm” concocted by said conspirators, “broke down” because Trump’s public support was so strong, that Democrats were forced to use a far more insidious Hail Mary pass of sorts, altering the vote with mail-in ballots that were “slipped in” during the dark of night. Trump himself went on to dump even more fuel on the conflagration that was started under his direction, when he granted a 45-minute call-in interview to his long-term on-again, off-again friend with boot-licking benefits, Maria Bartiromo.

The interview, which could only be charitably be described as “unhinged’ at best, as Trump railed against everyone and everything under the sun, took place during her show “Sunday Morning Futures”, airing of course, on FOX, serving as the atypical sewer conduit for Trump’s lies, half-truths, and expected level of self-aggrandizement that would make even Gene Simmons blush, as Trump dropped yet another one of his never-to-be-proven falsehoods regarding the election he fairly lost, that being: “This is total fraud, And how the FBI and Department of Justice… I don’t know… maybe they’re involved, but how people are getting away with this stuff…it’s unbelievable.”

So, the people that are supposedly involved in this, the biggest political crime in American history, are as follows: a software company funded by American capitalists, China, a handful of set-in-place Democrats and disloyal Republicans, the elected officials of several states, ranging from common poll workers to governors, and a dictator that’s been dead for seven years, and all of this was done in plain sight, but yet somehow left no actionable evidence, as if it were a surprise pop quiz involving Schrodinger’s cat.

And oh yes… the Media is complicit as well, because it won’t report these unfounded claims wholesale without seeing some evidence first.

Regardless of what Reality, the courts, or the ballot trail says and proves, his cult will always play the victims of cruel circumstance, and will continue to ham-fistedly defend their world view to bolster their collective delusion, and nothing short of a lobotomy will change that. And we should all just accept that we’re going to be stuck with these jingoistic jackasses for far too long after the dust from Trump’s flaming train wreck of a presidency has settled upon the sticky floor of the porn shop bathroom stall where his Presidential Library will be located.

Be it far from me to dare suggest that we spend any of our free time in the future engaged in trying to annoy, torment, pester, plague, badger, harass, heckle, persecute, irk, bullyrag, hex, vex, beset, bother, tease, belittle, bother, or taunt those poor pathetic wretches who may still be sporting his hat, his flag, or his bumper stickers with pride, for I’d like to think that as a civilized society, we’re above the trappings of being or acting that basic. Wallowing is their niche, and I say we leave them up to their necks in it.

Sure, we’ll still have to keep an eye on them even as they hide under Parler’s skirt, but like all movements abhorrent to what makes us both human and Americans, the moment they rear their ugly as sin faces and start vocalizing their dumber than dirt protestations, they’ll end up spitting out said inanity through a mouthful of what used to be their once firmly-rooted teeth, because not only will we be ready, we’ll be waiting, fully armed and forewarned.

But not until we’ve sold them all of our gently used “Not My President” memorabilia, and turning a hefty profit, of course. There’s no law after all saying we can’t be pragmatic, now is there? After all, it would be the purest use of the capitalism they claim to adore so much, and I’m always up for using the common ground against a common enemy, so there is that.

However, I would like to end this newest of screeds on a somewhat comedic note in reference to bracing for the ongoing idiocy we’ll be dealing with for years to come, and in order to do that, I’m going to once again highlight some wholly unintentional humor recently posted by my favorite example of what an Aaryan Nation toy company might produce as an inaction figure, and yes, I meant that deliberately. Let’s welcome our honored guest with the same warmth as one of those cross-burning fires he’d happily use to cook a hot dog, because in the end, while he may be an alleged racist, he’s also quite the pragmatist… ladies and gentleman, I present to you one more time, my favorite bloviating bigot, Mr. Ken Cykala!!!

I tells ya- this guy is never anything less than a cornucopia of cluelessly tone-deaf comedy, and the best part? He doesn’t even have to work at it. I’d even go so far as to suggest that his father would be so proud, if only Ken knew who that sorry bastard actually was,

Yup… racism in America was on its last legs, and facing its own mortality, so close to being dead in fact, that we as a nation, were able to openly mock it in a satirical film released in- wait for it… February of NINETEEN SEVENTY-FOUR. It’s truly amazing what you can learn when you unplug your brain and open up your ears to the rambling of bigoted inbreds, isn’t it? I simply had no idea that between 1974 and 2008, racism was a “thing” no longer, due to the fact that a comedic film’s tongue-in-cheek take on the issue had dispensed it a nearly-fatal blow.

Just like how the propagation of Nazism ended with the release of “The Great Dictator” in October of 1940, and the well-known fact that we all breathed a collective sigh of relief when the Cold War and the threat of the USSR was stopped dead in its tracks when “Dr. Strangelove” saw the light of a brand new day in 1964, but the best was yet to come, when the scourge of organized crime became nothing more than a memory, thanks to 1972’s “The Godfather”. And when one takes into account how the mythical Overlook Hotel was destroyed in the Television mini-series adaptation of Stephen King’s “The Shining”, I can only assume that malevolent ghosts are also something we no longer need worry about either, thank Odin.

Who among us can forget that breathtaking moment when “American X”, premiered in 1998, and the decades-long reign of terror foisted upon America by its homegrown White domestic terrorists ceased? I guess the KKK members that openly endorsed and embraced Trumps run for president and subsequent racist policies and stance, are all just enthusiastic reenactors of historical drama, and all those Confederate flags we see at his rallies, belong to die-hard fans of the band Alabama.

But just for the sake of playing Devil’s Advocate, here’s a few minor events that happened during this bucolic period of the Utopian racial harmony that Ken falsely ascribes to, starting with:

the Boston desegregation busing crisis, NAZIs openly marching in Skokie, Illinois, a series of racial-based riots in Chicago’s Marquette Park neighborhood, NYC’s Blackout riots, the murder of José Campos Torres at the hands of the Houston police,
which resulted in an all-out riot one year later.

There was also; the riot in Miami following the acquittal of four Miami-Dade Police officers in the death of an African-American man by the name of Arthur McDuffie, the deliberate bombing and subsequent partial destruction by the Philadelphia Police of a residential neighborhood occupied by an African-American militant group known as MOVE, and a truckload of other incidents that I won’t / can’t list here, due to space and time constraints, if not the fact I still need some semblance of my sanity to remain somewhat unblemished.

What’s even more hypocritically hilarious however, is the well-documented history I’ve previously presented here in Artbitch regarding the numerous bigoted statements that Ken kas posted online, that underscore the fact that he doesn’t care about actual racism, he just wants us to believe he does, so that he can continue to use the issue as cover for him to push his agenda that Whites are the true victims of it. Let me sum up, if I may. Ken is not only wrong as usual, he also once again, shows just why his mother should have swallowed, and failing that, why his father would have been better off buying top dollar drinks for the other girl he first saw at the end of the dive bar he was slumming in.

Sure, I may have discovered all of this easily accessible history just by doing a 28-second Google search, but I can’t expect Ken to do the same, since he’s been ever so busy building his “no liberals allowed” pillow fort in the ever so brave reinforced fortifications of Parler. I’m not entirely sure what one should offer to such a cravenly individual hiding far as he can from Reality as a housewarming gift, but I’m sure a cartoon-themed nightlight to keep the scary black people from sneaking up on him and stealing his binky while he sleeps, would probably be the safest bet.

Do they actually make one that looks like an Aaryan SpongeBob? I have so much research to do on Amazon, methinks. But don’t worry- I kick serious ass when it comes to my giving people what they need. Oh wait, my bad. I meant to say that I kick ass when it comes to telling people what they need to hear, and not what they want to hear. It’s truly a gift. In all honesty, I actually sort of suck at the whole present thing, but I’m sure Ken appreciates what I have to say nonetheless, even if I show up sans desired gift at the front door of his pussified Parler palace in pink.

I just have to ask: how goddamn f**king stupid do you have to seriously be, even when you already identify as holding a racist worldview, to give credence to the belief that the blatant bigotry generated and displayed with great hostility towards an African-American, was the “fault” of the very same person, and yet still claim with a straight face, that prior to this, that America was no longer suffering from racism? How dare a Black man be legally elected by the will of the people into a position of power that for 232 years, has been the province of White men alone?

The nerve of that guy! Next thing you know, he’ll be asking for the right to vote and to share your water fountain as well. I don’t know what concoction of chemicals or prescribed drugs Ken may be allegedly abusing in order to come to this dizzying corruption of pure logic that he has, but whatever they ostensibly are, I would opine that they make Crack look like a cheese danish, by way of comparison. Ken is to the promotion of racial harmony what Donald Trump is to the showcasing of marriage fidelity in my opinion, so his take on what constitutes it, is about as valuable as my advice as a partial amputee is in relation to teaching the art of Irish step dancing.

But that’s sort of my point. No matter what we do, we’re stuck with these morons, their ignorance, and even worse- their conspiracy theories and unfettered access to the internet. So, we can either get pointlessly angry over it, or get comfortable laughing hard at the absurdly evil, as we should.

They want to still attend their pathetic Ego rallies starring a ranting packet of insecure and delusional Kool-Ade? Let them. They want to flee to Parler like the candy-asses they are? Help them pack, and clean up FB in the process. Just remember to keep a wary eye, and if they dare stick their heads above the merde they so happily wallow in, feel free to drop an ACME anvil on it, and move on. In the end, we’re all going to be fine. After all, this country survived both World Wars, the Great depression, and the rebooted Mission Impossible TV series, so the track record for success is already there for us to follow.

At best, these sub-Americans are the newest *“Poisson d’avril” recipientsof our upended political landscape, and at worst, a self-replicating cancer that still may threaten our far too fractured society for decades to come. A thought that should chill the communal soul, if given more than a passing glance, and one we should definitely not ignore at the risk of own peril. This fermented in the dark before, and most certainly will do it again, if left to the machinations of those who would rather take the easier path of just ignoring it outright, as they so happily did prior to the election of Barrack Obama, the eternal boogeyman of the GOP, and the Slenderman of Trumps nightmares.
*[From the French: “April Fish”, which were pranks played on those persons who refused to adopt the new Gregorian calendar introduced by the Council of Trent in 1563, and which is widely considered as the origin for the April Fools’ Holiday we now celebrate.The term comes from the prank of placing paper fish on their backs, symbolizing both a young and easily caught fish, as well as a gullible person.]

But to quote from the James bond movie Quantum of Solace, as a means to craft a relevant analogy for the situation at hand;

Mr. White: “You really don’t knowanything about us.It’s so amusing because…we are on the other side, thinking, ‘The Ml6, the CIA, they’re looking over our shoulders. ‘They’re listening to our conversations.’ And the truth is you don’t even know we exist.”

M: “Well, we do now, Mr. White, and we’re quick learners.”

Mr. White; “Oh, really? Well, then, the first thing you should know about us… is that we have people everywhere.”

However, when it comes to the pro-Trump, pro-conspiracy, and pro-crazier-than-a-s**thouse-rat movements within this country, that’s the gospel truth. They really DO have people everywhere, and up until recently, we really didn’t know anything about them either, past the point of accepting without question that they were just this side of being full-blown sociopathic twits. And that was on our best day, I might add. But now? We know their playbook. We know their moves. We know how they mobilize. We know their tropes.

And of most importance, we now know exactly how to assist them being the cause of their own self-destruction, by our allowing them to weave the very same rope that they’ll inevitably garrote themselves with, secure in the delusion that we aren’t paying attention again. All we ever need do is keep the light of what is the reality of things shining upon them, and just like the roaches that they emulate, they’ll either scatter to the four winds, or run off a cliff, as lemmings of lesser intellect have been rumored to do. Sure, they can attempt to run and hide in the shadows of the Web as they did before, but this time, that ploy won’t be nearly as effective as it once was, and they only have themselves to dually thank and blame for that.

In the end, the easiest way to keep an eye on your enemies, both real and perceived, is if they’re all conveniently gathered in one place, so gratitude must be extended to Parler and all the other sites catering to its ilk, because you just made that task a thousand times easier, if not more fun for those of us who truly enjoy shoving the Disciples of Ignorance back under the rocks they originally slithered out from. Harshly as all legalities would allow, that is, as I for one, wouldn’t want to trigger any of these so-called Americans into launching a tirade they poorly cribbed off of a bumper sticker.

But in their limited defense, tirades and running away to self-isolating safe-spaces is all they’ve ever had. And being cowards, it’s the only thing they’ve ever been good at.

“The Seven Social Sins are: Wealth without work. Pleasure without conscience. Knowledge without character. Commerce without morality. Science without humanity. Worship without sacrifice. Politics without principle.” -Frederick Lewis Donaldson

The Parler-ticks of Dashing. (Where Do They Gloat from Here)