Wayne Michael Reich

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The Con-versation Pt.1 (It Can’t Happen Clear)

“The main thing that I learned about conspiracy theory, is that conspiracy theorists believe in a conspiracy because that is more comforting. The truth of the world is that it is actually chaotic. The truth is that it is not The Illuminati, or The Jewish Banking Conspiracy, or the Gray Alien Theory. The truth is far more frightening – Nobody is in control. The world is rudderless.” – Alan Moore

Hello Blogiteers!
What a day for a dayscream, is it not?

2021 has finally arrived, and despite our national nightmare swiftly (and hopefully) coming to a close, the idiocy it spawned remains with us, and even worse- still possesses unlimited access to the internet. And while there will always be those that type out inanities at the same rate that I can eat a box of perfectly chilled Ding-Dongs, it’s still a test of personal endurance even on the best of days, when it comes to dealing with these shining examples of truly selective inbreeding.

For the sake of forwarding my POV, I won’t be addressing the level of education that some of these scurrilous schizophrenics have or have not attained, but the lack of one definitely is not always a key factor at play in regards to the paranoic conclusions that most of them draw in regards to how the world at large actually operates. Even the most intelligent among us and whom otherwise would appear normal, have willingly joined what at best, an outright cult of inanity from time to time. In order to kick off this chronicling of abject stupidity, I’ll start with a definition (or two) of today’s’ subject at hand:

A Conspiracy is defined as: The act of conspiring. An evil, unlawful, treacherous, or surreptitious plan formulated in secret by two or more persons; IE, plot. A combination of persons for a secret, unlawful, or evil purpose: He joined the conspiracy to overthrow the government. An agreement by two or more persons to commit a crime, fraud, or other wrongful act. Any concurrence in action; combination in bringing about a given result.”

A Conspiracy Theorist is defined as: “Someone who believes in a conspiracy theory (= the idea that an event or situation is the result of a secret plan made by powerful people.”

Examples of this typically erroneous belief system with their calculated odds attached, would be that the 1963 JFK assassination involved more than one gunman (75%), that a New World Order overlorded by the Illuminati / Vatican / or a Satanic cabal of pedophiles are the ones truly running the planet (30%), that there are numerous subliminal messages in advertising, music and Disney cartoons (25%), that 9-11 was an “inside job” (2%), that the hot-dog packaging to hot-dog-bun packaging ratio is an evil plot overseen by Lithuanians (100%), that UFO’s exist (12%), or that somewhere, hidden in a privately held vault, there exists an as yet unseen cut of “Highlander 2: The Quickening”, that’s actually worth watching sober, no less.
Chance of that by the way, is ZERO-f**king-percent, Sean Connery’s manliness be damned.

Granted, there has always been, and always will be, proven evidence for conspiracies that DO exist, but the very nature of a conspiracy is that it remain undetected, for if it is, it’s no longer a conspiracy so much as yet more proof as to why you should have spent the extra coin to hire a competent cabal organizer – you know, one with those solid deep-state references that FOX, OAN, and Newsmax like to bleat incessantly that only Liberals possess? You get what you pay for, and all that. Many a possibly successful crime spree has been thwarted before it even starts, by someone who out of a sense of misguided loyalty, hires their half-witted cousin to drive the getaway car, versus hiring that out-of-state pro who makes Frank Martin from the “Transporter” film series come off as no more skilled than Clark Griswold from National Lampoon’s “Family Vacation”.

Just saying.

On a side note, it turns out that according to a poll dually conducted by Nielsen and Pew Research, that FOX’s demographic is 98.9% White, 59% Male, with an average age of 69, of which, 61% possess no form of higher education. So… old, White, poorly educated, and willingly self-isolated from other sources that might challenge their erroneous ideology? Yep. I can’t for the life of me, figure out just why these very same people swallow every fascist fortune cookie that the Republican party passes out as if they were tax write-offs to corporations.

Regardless, conspiracy theories have always been good for the cheapest of free entertainment, not-so-deep drunken discussions at 3a.m., as well as efficiently, and sometimes permanently, derailing both personal reputations and political upwards movement beyond repair. And in my case, concerning what could have been my future in-laws almost two decades ago, an opportunity for them to espouse their ignorant racism under the odious guise of showing “concern” for the “troubled youth” of the inner cities. Think of any person of note or infamy, and pause to reflect upon what you “know” about them, dwelling on just how you came to acquire this vital intelligence in the first place- odds are you didn’t get it from any source that can boast a collection of Pulitzers, am I right?

I thought so.

But here’s the Damocles Sword of it all- while it’s relatively harmless fun to debate whether or not if Bigfoot, UFO’s, the Loch Ness monster, the Illuminati, and Denise Richard’s acting chops actually exist, it’s quite the other side of the coin to carry such arrogant idiocy forward in relation to approaching the world of the Real, regardless of what subject is being disseminated for the public entire. If you need solidified proof, look no further than the political propaganda that has corrupted the trust in regards to the sanctity and security of our democratic institutions, and tainted the charter of the free press within this country over the last few years.

And the reality that the damage already wrought by such may be somewhat irreversible, is truly something that should strike the chord of ice-cold fear in the heart of any rational person, both here and abroad, and not just because some basement-dwelling, Hot Pocket consuming, right-wing Proud Boy wackadoo with a number of *George Lincoln Rockwell tattoos may act upon it.*[George Lincoln Rockwell was an American neo-Nazi, who after being discharged from the US Navy for his extremist views in 1959, founded the American Nazi Party. Among his charming attributes was the belief that the Holocaust never occurred, and that the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. was a compliant asset for (sigh) Jewish Communists who started the Civil Rights movement as a means to rule over the white community.

He slurred ed African-Americans as a “primitive, lethargic race who desired only simple pleasures and a life of irresponsibility” and supported racial segregation. On August 25, 1967 in the parking lot of an Arlington, VA laundromat, Rockwell was murdered by a former member of his own party, which just goes to show that even an inbred NAZI can get it right every now and then.]

What I mean by this, is the thought that believing in the Deep State or the New World Oder doesn’t carry much of a social impact if it’s just your local man-bunned barista who espouses it, but when that same virulence is proudly borne by an elected representative or a celebrity who has both the ear of the public and unconstrained access to all the forms of the Media? Well, at that point, the bets are off as to what harm can be fomented when that particular *Lemarchand Puzzle Box is loosed upon the pustulant pinheads of the world.*[A Lemarchand’s Puzzle Box, first seen in the 1987 horror film Hellraiser, is a puzzle which when solved, serves as a key to accessing an interdimensional plane of existence, whosedenizens are truly demonic, and is definitely one of those things you should never try to analyze or casually play around with, no matter how smart you think you are, or how well-intended you may be.]

Just leave it where you found it, and walk the hell away. Trust me on this. And the very same should be said about anything you’re told that doesn’t come from a trusted and verifiable source, and no, an American flag avatar laden website run out of what used to be an active meth lab doesn’t count, shockingly enough. One might think that this would be glaringly obvious in this, the Golden Age of Informational Access, but as the past presidential election has just brutally shown, it is sadly not, and it’s only going to get worse.

To set the stage, let me offer up just a few quotes regarding such courtesy of the visionary sci-fi author Isaac Asimov: There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way throughout political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.”

We have a new buzzword, too, for anyone who admires competence, knowledge, learning and skill, and who whishes to spread it around. People like that are called “elitists”. That’s the funniest buzzword ever invented because people who are not members of the intellectual elite don’t know what an “elitist” is, or how to pronounce the word. As soon as someone shouts “elitist” it becomes clear that he or she is a closet elitist who is feeling guilty about having gone to school.”

“I believe that every human being with a physically normal brain can learn a great deal and can be surprisingly intellectual. I believe that what we badly need is social approval of learning and social rewards for learning.”

Nailed it. With ten-foot-long mother**king spikes, no less. And typically, right through the heads of certain people who, due to their usage of aluminum foil as a means to block the mind-control rays consistently blasted at them by agents of the Deep State, have made the cover for the annual stock report of the *Reynolds Group so many times, that they’ve achieved honorary mascot status, if not the fawning respect of their fellow GOP / QAnon cult members and enablers.*[Reynolds Group Holdings is an American packaging company that produces a variety of widths and thicknesses of aluminum foil in the U.S. under the Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil brand.]

However, this intellectually vacuous demographic of density most certainly doesn’t see their conservative idiocy campaign as being anything less than a noble beacon for those floundering in the far-too-bright, if not the painfully caustic, spotlight of Reality. But honestly, should we expect a course of sane and sober thought from a mass of morons who are literally one tiki-torch away from burning down their local Chucky Cheese, because Alex Jones, a right-wing wackadoo and  magnet for dumbf**ks, may still yet one day, tell them that’s where the government’s “weather weapons” and the chemicals that are “turning the frogs gay” are stored?

Both of those by the way are actual things that Jones has claimed exist, along with a host of other publicized assertions, such as the particularly vile one that former First Lady and Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, along with several trusted associates of hers, were solely responsible for running a… (Wait for it) “demonic sex-trafficking ring” inside a local pizza shop, located in Washington, D.C. Although Jones was not responsible for this conspiracy theory, which became known far and wide as “Pizzagate”, Herr Hedgehog gave it enough publicly administered oxygen to inspire one of his devoted followers, a mental midget by the name of Edgar Maddison Welch, to enter the Comet Ping Pong Pizzeria in late 2016, armed with both a .38 handgun, and a AR-15 rifle, from which he dispensed several rounds, despite there being no evidence of observable sex-trafficking whatsoever.

Fortuitously, no one, including several children that were present, were hurt by Welch’s brain-dead act of sheerly delusional, yet entirely sober dipshittery, and he was eventually sentenced to four years in prison. The sentence was based on not only the obvious stupidity of the act itself, but the extenuating circumstances preceding it, such as driving more than 4-1/2 hours from his residence to the restaurant, in order to liberate the nonexistent victims, akin to how Travis Bickle rescued Iris, a child prostitute in the 1976 film classic, Taxi Driver. It requires noting that despite the warnings of others not to proceed with his pinheaded plan, Welch regardless set it in motion, rather than taking the logical step of contacting qualified law enforcement instead with his unfounded concerns.

Jones for his part, and most likely as a means to distance himself from what could have easily turned into a mass shooting, issued a videotaped statement via his website known as InfoWars, which to many, came off less as a heartfelt declaration, than it was a palpable non-apology masquerading as such. To bolster this opinion of mine, I present to you the full transcript that Jones posted not-so-coincidentally, on the very same day that Welch was convicted


JONES: “Alex Jones here with an important note to our viewing, listening, and reading audiences. I’m going to read to you from a statement that is also posted to Infowars.com that I wrote yesterday.

    Last fall, before the presidential election, a large number of media outlets began reporting on allegations arising from emails released by WikiLeaks that appeared to come from John Podesta, who served President Clinton and Obama and was the chairman of Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign.

    Dozens of those stories and articles raised or discussed theories that some of Podesta’s emails contained code words for human trafficking and/or pedophilia. Stories also included allegations connecting members of the Democratic Party with a number of restaurants allegedly involved with a child sex ring. These stories were cited and discussed in social media and went viral on the internet.

    One of the persons mentioned in many of the stories in the media was a Washington, D.C., restaurant owner named James Alefantis, and his pizza restaurant Comet Ping Pong. It is fair to say that Mr. Alefantis is a prominent individual who has been mentioned as a power player in Washington. Mr. Alefantis and his restaurant were mentioned in many stories published by a lot of different outlets. Mr. Alefantis was quoted in many subsequent stories, and he denied any involvement in such reported child sex rings. These denials were reported in the national media and many other outlets and news websites.

    The volume of stories was substantial, generating national headlines and came to be known across the country as “Pizzagate.” We at Infowars became part of that national discussion. We broadcast commentary about the allegations and the theory that the emails contained code words. We raised questions about information in Mr. Podesta’s emails and the Comet Ping Pong restaurant. We believed at the time that further investigation was necessary. In December of 2016, we disassociated ourselves from the “Pizzagate” claims and theories, a position we reiterated last month after being contacted by Mr. Alefantis.

    In late February of 2017, we received a letter from Mr. Alefantis asking that we retract certain statements that he says were made in seven of our broadcasts between the last week of November and the first week of December in 2016. We have attempted, through our lawyers, to contact Mr. Alefantis to discuss with him what sort of statement he would like to see made.

    In our commentary about what had become known as Pizzagate, I made comments about Mr. Alefantis that in hindsight I regret, and for which I apologize to him. We were participating in a discussion that was being written about by scores of media outlets, in one of the most hotly contested and disputed political environments our country has ever seen. We relied on third-party accounts of alleged activities and conduct at the restaurant. We also relied on accounts of reporters who are no longer with us. This was an ever-evolving story, which had a huge amount of commentary about it across many, many media outlets.

    As I have said before, what became a heightened focus on Mr. Alefantis and Comet Ping Pong by many media outlets was not appropriate. To my knowledge today, neither Mr. Alefantis, nor his restaurant Comet Ping Pong, were involved in any human trafficking as was part of the theories about Pizzagate that were being written about in the media outlets and which we commented upon.

    I want our viewers and listeners to know that we regret any negative impact our commentaries may have had on Mr. Alefantis, Comet Ping Pong, or its employees. We apologize to the extent our commentaries could be considered as negative statements about Mr. Alefantis or Comet Ping Pong, and we hope that anyone else involved in commenting on Pizzagate will do the same thing.

    Here’s what we have done to clarify to the public. Months ago, we took down the majority of broadcasts and videos including ones that only passingly mentioned Pizzagate. This happened months before we were even contacted by Mr. Alefantis. Mr. Alefantis objected to portions of seven particular radio/TV broadcasts. We have taken down those seven broadcasts and we have attempted to take down any broadcasts that mentioned Mr. Alefantis or Comet Ping Pong. We have attempted to do so not just on our website but also on social media sites such as our YouTube channel. If Mr. Alefantis has any other objections, we invite him to let us know. Two reporters who used to be associated with us are no longer with us. In a recent broadcast, I invited Mr. Alefantis on our program to state what he wanted to, and I again do so here. He has given interviews to many media outlets, and he is welcome to come on our show.

    In issuing this statement, we are not admitting that Mr. Alefantis, or his restaurants, have any legal claim. We do not believe they do. But we are issuing this statement because we think it is the right thing to do. It will be no surprise to you that we will fight for children across America. But the Pizzagate narrative, as least as concerning Mr. Alefantis and Comet Ping Pong, we have subsequently determined was based upon what we now believe was an incorrect narrative. Despite the fact that we were far from the genesis of this story, it is never easy to admit when your commentaries are based on inaccurate information, but we feel like we owe it to you the listeners, viewers and supporters to make that statement, and to give an apology to you and to Mr. Alefantis, when we do.

We encourage you to hold us accountable. We improve when you do.”

JONES: And again, ladies and gentlemen, that was — we got distracted off by MSM on this stuff in D.C. when it was all going on in New York and that’s why day one, I saw it, I saw the media, and I said, “Get off that.” And I did that because we’re not psychopaths, we actually look at what is reality and then focus on that. We don’t go like MSM with their misinfo and just cold-bloodedly spew lies, this person’s a racist, this person’s this, this person’s that. Just because it gets us ahead in what we’re doing, we’re all about integrity, and that’s why we make mistakes by covering MSM, focusing on it, and the huge debate. We will absolutely own up to it, and make right for it, as we just did.”

In other words;
“Sure, we can’t actually come right out and fully accept the blame for our pushing a baseless and wholly insane fantasy as being credible to the point that somebody could have easily gotten killed for our doing so, but we’re also not going to say directly that the story itself had no merit to begin with in the very first place, despite that fact being obvious to anyone who hasn’t made huffing paint more of a career path, and less of a hobby.

Despite the fact that multiple media outlets had broadcast denials, due to the story itself being batshit crazy, we who work tirelessly at the same place that maintained  that the massacre at Sandy Hook was a “False Flag” operation, weren’t going to be dissuaded from whipping up our base into a mindless frenzy just because it wasn’t true. Granted, even now, we publicly posture that we did nothing wrong, because “we’re not psychopaths”, despite all recorded evidence to the contrary, and besides- it’s all the other media outlets who are really at fault here, don’t you know?

Now, here’s a story about gay frogs operating underground rave parties so that they can turn your newborn baby into a communist socialist who will join Antififa, and murder you as you sleep.” 

Notwithstanding the dubious sincerity of this piously shallow act of self-flagellation, his actions before (and since) the incident are really what should be put under the societal microscope, in order to determine the consequences for such future irresponsibility. This critical focus should be applied not only to him, but to the others of his ilk as well. This wasn’t a case of differing personal opinions; this was an act of targeted harassment, crafted solely to further an inane political agenda, and such careless actions should warrant an equitable punishment for doing so, no matter what mealy-mouthed rationalizations are eventually dispensed.

Notwithstanding this opinion, Jones is not the only cog of conservative maladjustment powering the far-larger juggernaut of mass delusion, a societal aberration that started sweeping across this country, just about the same time the populace within it dared to place an African-American in the formally all-White House as their nation’s duly elected leader, One cannot be a cult leader, even albeit a cult of morons, without the willing culpability of said morons after all, and when it comes to tapping the stores of such in this country, it’s no surprise that Jones found the metaphorical shelves to be literally overstocked.

The reservoir that I’m alluding to, is the current so-called conservative movement currently boiling over the edges of America’s formerly stalwart melting pot, and the singular reason why I label it as “so-called”, is because it has as much in common with the true roots of conservatism as Melania Trump has with the comparisons to Jackie O, or that I do with the art of diplomacy. In essence and my personal opinion, I’m not known for my tact, Melanoma’s a mail-order call-girl, and when it comes to the success of the modern-day Republicans’ abominable point of view infecting my fellow Americans, I’m thinking that somewhere in the fiery bowels of Hell, even Hitler himself has to be dually jealous and impressed for the toxicity of its message becoming interwoven into what was once considered the impenetrable fabric of our nations’ humanity and normalcy.

How we went from the era of trickle-down Reaganomics to being reluctant bit-players in a 28 Days Later cosplay, isn’t that hard to dissect, if one looks at both the annals of History and the A-holes of histrionics currently amassed as the Trump base. We’ve seen this culture of diseased thought before. We’ll see it again. And that, only because a far-too-large chunk of Americans have both the memory and intellectual capacity of a goldfish speed-balling paint thinner. And most certainly, they not only possess all the anger of a middle-aged “Karen” discovering that African-Americans have the same right to openly shop at a Sprouts just like she does, but that they’re the ones who bought the very last bottle of Kombucha as well.

Oh, the horror these desperately despicable deplorables have to face almost every day. It’s truly a miracle that they’re able to get up, put on their white hooded ensemble, and drive their Trump-flag-festooned trucks to his latest ego Viagra dispensation, masquerading as a political super-spreader rally. Bravery beyond compare, let me tell you. As is to be expected, when one dares pass comment on the inanity of these lemmings of lunacy, the very same people who decry what they have come to see as a rapidly escalating anti-cancel culture, hypocritically become… well, full-on cancel-culture warriors themselves, using the anonymity of the internet in a blatant attempt to harass, threaten, and intimidate, the targets of their ire into a state of compliant silence,

You know. Just like the Founding Fathers would do, if they were ignorant dumbf**ks prone to believing in the worst distillation of bats**t craziness?

Speaking of which, I’d like to add yet another local loon log that I discovered out here in my neck of the woods, onto the flaming pyre of my innate criticism, but before I get around to doing just that, I’d like to first share with you some other unique individuals, who consistently prove just exactly why we as a nation, need to so adequately, fund both the public educational system, if not unconstrained access to birth control. And once again, this cornucopia of callowness is gleaned wholesale off the ol’ internet, which as time passes, seems less than a way to connect with your fellow humans, and more of a moral yardstick as to whom you should actively avoid meeting now, or in the future. This is mainly due to the fact that the majority of them possess a grip on actual Reality akin to the one you and I might have when attempting to body-hug a school of agitated Hagfish.

As it’s already fairly obvious, I won’t bore you with how much time a week I spend traipsing on through the murky Darklands of the World Wide Web, but I’d also like to note that I’m not as immersed up to my neck in it as you might think, either. My approach to such is akin to that of a harried soccer mom at a Walmart after work- I get in, get what I need, and don’t waste time getting distracted by the human freak show that attempts to pass itself off as today’s new normal. But I have to admit that sometimes… even I have to slow down and stare slack-jawed, at the human train-wreck that has devolved into the embodiment of the modern-day GOP.

First, there’s the train car full of those that cannot spell, utilize grammar properly, or openly express their muddled process of thought without pinning the CAPS key to the floor, as if it were a drunken prom queen unwillingly trapped in the back seat of the star quarterback’s car:
Truly rational people all, am I right? I tells ya’, nothing plucks at my heartstrings quite so hard as seeing just what unbridled patriotism becomes when sifted through the warped filter that is the right-wing brain trust, let me tell you. But these fine examples of what happens when the public school system fails, also have one further leg up over us godless, socialism-loving, science-believing, book-owning, elitist Libtards, and it is this: apparently, they’re also “nicer” than us. I know. It came as a shock to me as well, but since I did read it on the internet, it must be true, right? In fact, here is such a statement, sans any form of evidence of course, that says it’s so:Proof enough for me, as well as you, I’m sure. No. It really isn’t, you say? Well then. Let me in my limited capacity as your host, serve up even more shining examples of conservative tolerance that we as the Radical Left, could learn a thing or two from:

Ah… such warmth. Such intellectualism. Such Humanity. Such civility, and dare I say it, so much “niceness”. Such an excellent example of why one’s ability to access the internet should come with a required IQ test to ascertain if theirs exceeds that of a barely sentient rice cake. Now, while this may seem as a harsh overreach regarding knee-capping the burgeoning issue of handcrafted misinformation tainting the national consciousness, it’s worth a shot, if only to protect what little may remain of the collective soul of our certainly gravely wounded Republic. Now to be fair, lying and politics are long intertwined bedfellows with solid boundaries cementing their mutual friends with benefits relationship, and there’s no room for playing Devil’s advocate in relation to this inarguable fact.

It would be hypocritical of me to assert that only the GOP has sole franchise rights when it comes to the art of discordant dissembling, but I’d also opine that when it comes to testing the elasticity limit surrounding said activity, Republicans as a rule, have been caught with their hands in the metaphorical cookie jar so often, it’s truly stunning that the entire Party aren’t Type-1 diabetics at this point. However, even given this prior track record of disingenuousness, the last four years’ volume of their red-meat dog-whistling has been nothing short of awe-inspiring, if not thoroughly ear-shattering.

In short, we as a nation and as it’s citizenry, have been subjected to, either from the GOP, or Trump himself, the following sackcloth-and-air fabrications:

Trump won the most Electoral College votes since Ronald Reagan, the size of the inauguration crowd was the largest in American history, that “thousands” of people were bused across state lines to vote in 2016, that he faced “a historic delay” to get all of his cabinet nominees confirmed,that the murder rate was the highest it had ever been in 45 years,that terrorist attacks across Europe were “not even being reported”, that Kuwait had issued a visa ban on several Muslim-majority countries after his immigration order,that two people were shot and killed during Obama’s farewell speech, numerous (and ongoing) lies about voter fraud, that he had not paid off adult film star Stormy Daniels, that he would divulge his taxes, that Mexico would willingly pay for his fantasy border wall, that climate change didn’t exist, that he alone would bring jobs “back” to America, and that there were roving immigrant caravans hell-bent on entering the US,

There was also amusingly, several moments of unbound delusions, where Trump asserted that “nobody knows” more about social media / healthcare / infrastructure / technology / cybersecurity / campaign finance / TV ratings / ISIS / domestic and foreign policy / trade / green renewable energy / taxes / money / construction / unmanned drones / and for some strange reason, Democratic Senator Cory Booker, than he did.

This pile of already flaming-at-the-time garbage, was of course, just a small part of a previously immense conflagration that included far-worse transgressions that directly led to the possibly preventable deaths of 325K+ Americans thus far. Deaths by the way, that have only spotlighted precisely how little that the GOP and it’s beyond redemption leadership, care about the people they so facetiously swore to serve, if not protect. Two things that Trump did get right though, were his expertise with Debt and Lawsuits, of which he carelessly bragged: “I’m the king of debt. I’m great with debt. Nobody knows debt better than me.” and Who knows more about lawsuits than I do? I’m the king.”

So, I will give him those caveats at least, tone-deaf as they were.

However, the icing of incompetence atop this multi-liar cake, would have to be the blatant attempt to stage a coup d’état for the sole purpose of keeping the GOP’s death grip on judicial and legislative power, with the enablers of the Trump cult slavishly, happily and most disturbingly, openly, serving the role of his loyal ersatz *Führerbegleitkommando.
*[The elite squad comprised of Hitler’s personal bodyguards.]

Given Trump’s increasingly frantic desperation to both stay out of the NY prison cell most likely waiting for him, and the fact his fragile ego can’t handle being branded a “loser”, it’s no wonder that we find ourselves on this dark path for the first time in our 243-year-old history, and when the dust and spray tanner have settled, we need to make certain that it never happens again, come Hell or high water. But until that day finally happens, we’re going to have to listen to all of the crackpot theories and fabricated falsehoods that the GOP and its f**ked-up faithful will attempt to spread, even if the depth of their validity is as thin as a sheet of phyllo dough.

Case in point: the Hunter Biden “scandal”.

The GOP narrative: In October, the New York Post published what it claimed were copies of emails discovered on the laptop, which allegedly showed that Joe Biden, who was serving as vice president at the time of the alleged emails, and whom was a candidate at the time of their publication, had been tainted by his son’s business ventures in the country of Ukraine

John Paul MacIsaac, the owner of The Mac Shop, a computer repair shop based in Wilmington, Delaware, claimed that in April of 2019, a man who identified himself as “Hunter Biden”, brought three liquid-damaged laptops into his shop, choosing to leave only one behind for repairs, and never returned to retrieve it. Eventually, MacIsaac turned over a copy of the laptop’s hard drive to both the FBI and Brian Costello, an attorney for Rudy Giuliani, who as we all know, is Donald Trump’s personal lawyer, along with being America’s favorite mentally-cracked Uncle. Mac Isaac said he turned the hard drive over to Costello because of “fears for his safety”.

MacIsaac, who is known to be a devoted Trump supporter, has changed his story more than once in regards to what he claimed the chain of events were, ranging from how he initially got in touch with the FBI and has pushed the narrative that he duped the hard drive out of the concern that he might be murdered for “leaking information”. He has also puzzlingly claimed that he wasn’t able to positively identify who had actually dropped off the laptop, because he is “legally blind”. but said the laptop bore a sticker from the Beau Biden Foundation, named after Hunter’s late brother, the former attorney general of Delaware. In lieu of actual proof, and the incriminating sticker aside, there were two security cameras in his shop that could have aided the inquiry as to the validity of his claim, but wouldn’t you know it- the crucial footage from that specific day was automatically deleted before he realized how important it was.

Nevertheless, he still adamantly contends that the customer in his shop that day had most assuredly been Hunter Biden himself. So to recap; a legally-blind, pro-Trump supporter says that the son of the then Vice President and now President-elect, walked into his repair shop, casually dropped off a treasure trove of evidence implicating both in potentially embarrassing, if not criminal activity, without leaving so much as a quantifiable trace of his physical presence there whatsoever, and then never came back to claim it, because… reasons, I guess. And the only proof that he might have been ever there, just so happened to be deleted from existence “accidentally”.
There’s a descriptive term I’m looking for here, regarding this tale of an insidiously unethical Bogeyman of privilege that much like the “immigrant caravans” Trump once railed about, found itself to be a non-topic among the Trump Klan (pun intended) the moment it was clear that the election was truly over. Now what could the term for this be? Wait a sec, I’ve got it… that would be “gaslighting”, which is to Trump as cocaine is to Charlie Sheen- an addiction, a lifestyle, and the means by which he keeps his bitches subservient to his every whim.

Speaking of which, here’s a posting from one of his loyal familiars, that being a modern-era Step(hanie) Fetchit, who is more than comfortable with selling out her race and gender, hoping to garner the fawning approval of a primarily White conservative base, who at best, will never regard her more than as a token “Black friend” who’s not been let in on the joke they’re openly playing on her.

The fact that she labeled this tripe “compelling” as if it was anything less than a nonsensical fever-dream, while having the gall to rehash Hunter’s now-conquered drug addiction as a parting swipe disguised as “advice”, just goes to prove that when it comes to licking her Mango Massa’s boots, she’s more than willing to swallow all the way up to Trump’s cankles.

Heads up, “Cand-ass”- you can parrot their debunked conspiracy theories, their anti-minority sentiment cloaked as political discussion, and continue to claim with a straight face that in no way, shape, or form does the pox of systematic racial discrimination exist, despite the fact that you once filed a profitable lawsuit against Stamford High School in Connecticut, alleging you were the victim of it. But your Blackstage pass is a limited access one, even if you’re totally cool with being paraded out like a minstrel show of yore, for the chance yet again, to shuck n’ jive for the very same conservatives who, if you moved in next door to them, would call the cops if you so much dared to use your backyard to host a family BBQ.
[For further evidence of Owen’s hypocrisy, check out: https://newsone.com/3848636/candace-owens-receipts-con-artist/ – it’s definitely an eye opener.]

And as for telling the “kids” not to ”smoke crack”, that’s actually good advice coming from you for once. Maybe you should pass that tidbit along to Don Jr, right after you remove your lips from the one that delineates Trump Sr’s ass from his face. Just a suggestion. But I didn’t come here for the sole purpose of calling out hypocrisy only to the powers that be, I’d also like to do it for my local contingent of cravenly chowder-heads as well, because if anything, I’m widely known for my magnanimity when it comes to keep the floors of my literary abattoir open to all those who dare show me their throat. I mean that metaphorically, of course, since it’s been a while that I’ve had the creative opportunities presented by an unused crawlspace.

Interestingly, this particular slice of bark from a family tree that allegedly resembles a wreath, has been on my radar for quite some time, but after squaring away a series of cultural and politically themed screeds, I then found myself using a hypocritically home-grown faux-Christian as a chew-toy, in order to shake some accumulated cerebral rust off the ol’ writing juggernaut. This naturally led to yet another story-arc, where I tackled a bigot stuffed so full of mendacious mayonnaise and vitriol of vanilla, that he could have easily served as the main appetizer at a Proud Boys buffet. At that point, I needed a detox of sorts, so I took a brief diversionary course into the land of Sci-Fi television, and got back on course with an observational essay concerning the denizens of Parler.com, a website that shows exactly what happened to all those people in your high school who to this day, consider Leni Riefenstahl’s “Triumph of the Will” as their “It Gets Better” video.

Now, before any of you start thinking of reminding me of Godwin’s Law, I’d suggest that you conserve your breath, because honestly, it really doesn’t apply here. To clarify, Godwin’s Law, (AKA: Godwin’s Rule of Nazi Analogies) stems from a 1990 observation made by American attorney and author, Mike Godwin. The law states: “As a discussion on the Internet grows longer, the likelihood of a comparison of a person’s being compared to Hitler or another Nazi reference, increases.” This is uncannily true in most cases of online engagement, but not here, as the people screeching the loudest about Nazi-esque behavior occurring unchecked, are also frequently the ones actively supporting such actions to be undertaken in the first place.

And yes… I’m looking at you, my Trump worshiping conservatives. Inaccurate assessment, you say, wondering what actions I’m referring to? Try ones such as: demonizing minorities, anti-fascists, the educated, Feminists, abortion advocates, and the LGBTQ community, and the Free Press as “Enemies of the State, just because they dare to call Truth to Power, and demanding unwarranted investigations of them, because your team got caught manufacturing deceptions that a four-year-old could dissemble without breaking a sweat. And in a thuggish gambit that everyone with a working intellect could see coming from miles away, the classic power Fuhrer move Trump and his lackeys failed to pull off when they attempted to overturn a fair and democratic election, was something straight out of Hitler’s stage notes.

Granted, those notes were most likely written in German, just after the paranoiac anti-Semitism turned his brain into rancid Sauerkraut, so that might explain why this comically absurd coup attempt was so badly staged. The parallels that could be drawn between Nazi propaganda and a totally-not-inspired-by-Nazism-at-all Trump branding campaign, just reinforces my firmly held opinion that if the GOP could hire Hugo Boss to whip up some new uniforms for the Trump faithful they would, but that idea had to be scrapped, due to the fact his supporters can only afford off the rack at Walmart, and nowhere else.

By way of comparison, here is the self-declared Übermensch and subsequent charcoal briquet, representing pre-1945 Germany, fiercely resplendent, cloaked in glorious nationalism, and looking all badass:

And here, is the absurdly flattering depiction of his American cosplaying equivalent, who for once in his life, doesn’t look like a ham sandwich that was boiled in dollar-store bronzer:

I only say this because… well, what a captivating image. Resolute. Confident. Radiating an aura of untarnished virtuousness. And most notably, portrayed with an idealized physique he’s never possessed outside the collective wet-dreams of a MAGA rally. One minor exception however, is the underlying context where both of these fascist f**ks are concerned. While the implication is that both are dynamic leaders, if not men of action, only one of them is truly portrayed as being a stalwart “Man of the People”, which Hitler honestly believed he was.

This personal certainty is exemplified by his leading an amassed army of his countrymen, of whom we’re assured, will be victors, regardless of what enemy they may face. But when it comes to Trump…

We couldn’t possibly expect the guy with the “best brain”, the “best words”, the “highest IQ”, the “best education”, and the not-freakishly-small-at-all hands to share the spotlight, even if it’s to further his own crusade of narcissism, now can we? Sure, in the end, Hitler was a murdering sociopathic hypocrite, (and a vegetarian, no less) but our Herr Twittler just may be giving him an earnest run for his money, when all is said and fortunately, no-longer-able to-be-tweeted. Minus of course, the steamed vegetables, unless you’re taking Ivanka and Jared into account.

But even still, he’s maintained the support of at least 74 million AiNO’s [Americans in Name Only] which is both pathetically sad for Humanity, and terrifying for Democracy, as the assembled Coup Klutz Klan of faux “Patriots” demonstrated on January Sixth, in Washington, D.C. And my newest BFF, named Mary Cecelia Walker, apparently believes that the abominable act of cravenly sedition, set in motion by her traitorous President on January 6th, using the curs of lesser character he has on tap, was a perfectly dandy idea, if not way overdue.

However, as you will come to discover, the only time that connection of onomatology ever gets made, is when people find themselves endlessly asking:JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU, LADY?!!?” The main impetus for this query stems from her political leanings, which at best, come off less than being ill-informed, so much as they present as an entrenched mental illness. This opinion of mine, I heel, is clearly illustrated by this screencap from her main social media account:

Even I have to admit, when it comes to the art of pure dumbf**kery, my newest inductee into the Hall of “What The F**k Is Wrong With You?”, is conservatism’s Jackson Pollock, and not just because her social media ramblings read as if the voices in her head were drunk when she decided to let them post her dribbling online. Granted, while I will never be able to thank them personally for the rich comedic cornucopia, they have provided me for the last several months, I’m pretty sure there just has to be an amiable paranoid schizophrenic out there in the wilds of Trumpland who might be willing to do it for me telepathically, if only I asked nicely enough.

I do love how she characterizes Mike Pence as a “snake in the grass”, because he surprisingly, followed the law of the land, and not the Fascist fallacies of a vulgar man-child who thanks to his unhinged rhetoric, and base of dog-whistle-following f**ktards, fostered in one of the darkest days in this country’s history. I won’t dare speak for anyone save myself, as I’m apt to do from time to time, but I would forgo Ding Dongs for a year if I could get one of these willingly complicit traitors to rationally explain to me, how occupying a national landmark by force, walking it’s halls with the flag of an enemy we defeated over a hundred-years ago, while replacing the American one with the vile banner of a personality cult, looting its contents, threatening it’s elected officials and demanding without just cause, that its democratic process be undone, qualifies as “Patriotism”.

Go ahead. Take all the time you need.

But where our Mary of MAGAdalene truly shines, is her ability to swallow not just everything she reads on the internet as if she were Linda Lovelace servicing John Holmes, but how she also takes it immediately to heart as Gospel without even bothering to do the merest of fact checking first, and that, regardless of how insane it may sound, or actually is. I’m ever so sorry for the 70’s porn-funk soundtrack currently playing in your head right now, but I can assure you that I’m not engaging in unwarranted hyperbole solely for shock’s sake. This woman’s metaphorical fellating of absurdly paranoid and unsubstantiated fantasies is so over-developed, even Sean Hannity is in awe, if not a perpetual state of professional jealousy.

And somewhere, out in the gated communities of Texas, Ted Cruz sits alone, softly crying in his garage, drinking a room-temperature beer, because no matter how much he practices, he just can’t master his intellectual gag reflex the way Mary has. But enough of my poking fun at a woman so allegedly politically dense that she makes depleted Uranium present as anorexic. To that end, I say we get to the meat of the hamberder as it were, and serve it up with not only a great big slice of humble pie, but a steaming cup of covfefe to wash it all down as well.

As I said earlier, Mary is an Artist on par with Jackson Pollack himself. The key difference, being whereas Pollack once found himself so hammered beyond all rational thought on alcohol, that he wound up urinating in Peggy Guggenheim’s fireplace, Mary’s personal hammer of choice is the internet insipidness that she and her fellow MAGAts willingly bathe in as if they were honored guests at a spa day hosted by the *Countess Elizabeth Bathory herself. Unsurprisingly, given her adoration of a mango-tinted man-child, it really should come as no surprise that Mary has the same issue with accepting the Truth of things as her Wheezy Mussolini does trying to speak it.
*[Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed was a Hungarian noblewoman whom was known for her bathing in the blood of young girls, whose murders she had arranged, believing that it staved off the appearance of aging. And yes… that is bats**t crazy.]

However, much like the multitude of her fellow faux-patriots whose lauded degrees were downloaded off the internet, the one Mary has acquired is an amalgamation of erroneous factoids, asinine opinions, and topped with a fear that only White suburbanites can manifest out of thin air, and yes- she’s going to share her paranoid ignorance, regardless of how much damage it has done, and continues to do, to her demographic of syphilitic monkey-brains. Note I said “monkey-brains”, and not “Americans”, because Mary gave up the right to self-identify as one, when she willingly sided with our Mad King and his cravenly court of sycophantic enablers.

So, as it is with most of her fellow seditious scumbags, our not-so-proud-Mary here is also an ardent denier of the COVID-19 crisis, that so far, has killed 400,000 of her fellow citizens, which of course, couldn’t possibly be laid at the feet of her treasonous twat crush. Said twat-waffle of course, being directly responsible for both the current state of carnage, and the proliferation of hypocritically arbitrary patriotism, but Mary isn’t going to let some inconvenient Reality screw up her tin-foiled, if not oxygen-deprived worldview, no siree Bob. She’s 100% on board the Trump Train, and not just because she’s going to most likely wind up on the “no-fly” list someday.

That observation aside, I think it’s past time that I share with you and the world at large, the wit. the wisdom, and the wanton wackadoo inanity, that shapes Mary’s intellectually isolated perception of Reality, as we ask ourselves just why the one that exists outside her front door seemingly scares her so much. And to do that, I’ll lay out some of her posts regarding the all-too-real conspiracy theories, that dually, serve as the central theme of both her life, and this particular screed:
No, he did not. Not even close. 64 lost legal challenges, the ratification by the electoral college, the multiple recounts in contested states, and the temporarily paused by attempted sedition Congress proved that, so shut the h**k up, you jabbering jackass. And for the love of mythical God, stop using words that you don’t know the meaning of, and regard as boogeyman code, for no other reason than you’re an ignorantly paranoid idiot.
This isn’t so much a conspiracy, as it is Mary being one of those self-entitled Karens we want to see either being launched out of a trebuchet, or taken down face-first, by a flying tackle from a store security guard who’s been regularly abusing steroids.

That’s not how those phone apps work. That’s not how any of it works, you escapee from a loon farm. The only person that’s tracked by cell tech, is the people who own the phone to begin with, and yes, that includes you, if you just so happen to possess one. It already tracks your calls, texts, web-surfing, along with recording everything you say, so that particular Hale-Bopp comet of yours, has already flown by. And it didn’t require an app to do it.

Yes… removing statues of traitors to the United States is exactly the same as launching a world war and targeting an entire culture for genocide. Who knew? Apparently, the shrieking voices in Mary’s otherwise empty skull did, and they were ever so nice enough to give us a head’s up regarding it.

Sigh… this one is so f**king stupid, I’ll just let it speak for itself, because any joke I might make regarding it, would pale in comparison to this asinine absurdity.
This incident, that supposedly occurred at Mary’s local Walmart out here in the high desert of New Mexico, was due to the fact that in the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, cash was considered a possible carrier for the virus, and therefore, regarded as “unclean” by the essential workers in the store. Keep in mind, Mary traveled there with her cell phone (AKA: personal tracking device in hand, only tp obsess that her Visa card may be utilized for insidious purposes. More about this in a bit, as to why this was, but let’s move on for now.

Ok… if being vaccinated is anything like being raped, then yeah, I’d pass on the “cure” too, with a fair amount of relief. However, since it’s not, I can only conclude that Mary is either being a tad bit over-dramatic, or she really didn’t properly comprehend what they tried to teach her in that high school sex-ed class she flunked.

This strip-mall located “doctor” by the way, also talks about “Demon Sperm”, so… yeah, we can put a pin in this one, I think. And no, you really don’t want to know more.
Ah… YouTube, Home of cat videos, and now- , “stunning” and not-crazy-at-all evidence that supposedly validates everything from Bigfoot to nonexistent voter fraud. If only Rudy Goofyliani knew of this valuable resource, Trump might just have been able to actually win one of those 64 legal challenges that he lost. After all, if he can grab pussy half as good as he’s bragged about, how hard would it really be for him to snatch a glorious victory out of the jaws of Defeat?

Oh for the love of mythical Christ… if this woman’s mental grip on Reality gets any weaker in regards to how she sees the world entire, we’re going to have to superglue one of those special helmets to the top of her skull, and that, most permanently. I for one, have never given serious pause as to the necessity for bubble-wrapping someone’s personal environment in order to guarantee their physical safety, but I’d opine that if the need ever arose, Mary may just be our first test case.

Human clones? Transfer of memories? Hiding images in DNA? I wasn’t aware that Blade Runner wasn’t so much a dark and brooding cult classic, as it was something that an open supporter of treason potentially dabbled in on the side.

But the best of this tin-foiled twittery is yet to come, and trust me, this post by Mary’s concreted social media consciousness is one for the ages. And even though she’s not responsible for its bats**t as f**k content, her dedication to making sure it was disseminated in the first place, just further validates my assertion as to why in the hopefully not-too-far future, she’ll be an unwilling resident of a place where both she, and the plants in its lobby, will ideally, get watered and turned towards the sun twice a day.
Now because I’m a thoughtful and caring person, I won’t directly post a link to this pile of fallacious flotsam, mainly out of genuine concern what it might do to your remaining faith in Humanity, but if you’re of the mindset that it’s time to throw that metaphorical towel in the octagon before shuffling off this mortal coil, I cordially invite you to go all in with no outside concerns or regrets. Personally, I only managed to last about six minutes, before I had to go pour myself a succession of stronger and stronger shots, starting with Jack Daniels’s, and finishing up with that blue liquid displayed only in barbershops.

However, I will give you the Cliff Notes as it were, of what this fraudcast transmitted on 12/12/2020 was “predicting” for an hour and twenty minutes, and it is this, as transcribed directly off a website that I can only charitably describe as Loon Base Alpha: CIA assassination squads are active in America, taking out election fraud witnesses. We are all now living on an active battlefield. Millions of Americans being held as Prisoners of War by Democrat governor lockdowns. Media hit pieces and smears have morphed into acts of journo-terrorism. Censorship by big tech has now reached the level of domestic terrorism. Trucker blockades coming. Siege warfare against blue cities will begin. New executive order alters chain of succession at DoD in case Secretary of Defense (Chris Miller) is killed.

Biden, Harris to be named in DNI Ratcliffe’s Dec. 18th report… huge implications, Trump can leverage against Biden to try to force Biden to concede. Gen. Perna Operation Warp Speed / Vaccine D-Day briefing: Perna says “vaccine D-Day” is “the beginning of the end.” China is surrounding the United States via Canada and the Caribbean, and plans a combined land invasion and missile attack in the future.

Forensic audit of Dominion voting machines confirms their algorithms alter votes. Absolute proof now exists that the election was stolen via rigged tabulation software. Sidney Powell readies criminal RICO / Racketeering case against Dominion conspirators.

Sigh… that’s an awful lot of words to prove to everyone that you may be allegedly crazier than a soup sandwich prepared by a s**thouse rat. Just saying. At this point, even the definition of mental illness fails to adequately cover this level of self-delusion, and I’m starting to think that the possible fallback of prescription drug abuse, might actually be an upgrade of sorts, to explain just why these people live in a fantasy world so unbelievable, that even Walter Mitty himself would tell them to either step up their dosage of aripiprazole, or add a few more sessions of group to their weekly schedule.

But Mary is no one-schtick pony, boys and girls- she’s got quite the range, much like COVID-19 does now, or as HIV *[first known as GRID] had back in its day when it wasn’t considered worth combating, until straight white people started dying from it. On a related note: if there is a God, which I strongly doubt, I hope Ronnie and Nancy are strapped to an always rotating rotisserie in the bowels of Hell, being consistently anally-basted with the saltiest of the tears neither one of them shed for the victims they ignored.
*[Gay-Related Immune Deficiency]

Moving on… at the time of this writing, the COVID-19 pandemic crisis that was exacerbated by the mango man-child Mary adores, has claimed over 400T lives, not that such terrifying losses matter to her, if it means she has to actually think or act in regards to the well-being of others long before her own self-importance, that is. Nope, COVID is just another one of those insidious and treacherous plots concocted to make the former President look bad, and to keep both herself and her fellow unseeing citizens under the thumb of… well, I’m not entirely sure who the bad guy is supposed to be here, but I’m sure neither does she.

My bad. It seems I spoke too soon. Apparently, it’s the same Leftist / Socialist / Communist bastards who form the modern-day Democratic Party. Granted, while those may appear as four different and separate political ideologies to those of us, who’s brains aren’t comprised of rancid cottage cheese, to our BFF Mary, they’re all the same thing, regardless of what books, history and Realty say. I do love however, how she regards a public safety warning from our governor as a communistic edict, given the fact that she obviously has no clue what one of those is.

For the sake of clarity, this woeful woman lives in a township so small and understocked with distractions, that people from there, come to mine to have something to do, and the breadth of our “downtown” can literally be walked in under five minutes. And mind you, this assertion comes from someone who requires a cane to do so. We ain’t Dallas. Not by a long shot.

Here we see her getting upset that the EBS was utilized to warn people about the dangers of the COVID-19 crisis in New Mexico, and to offer some crucial advice regarding such, which Mary feels is a “misuse” of its intended purpose, which as we may all be suspecting by now, she most likely doesn’t know the parameters of. But then again, she may also be one of those people who think that 911 is the number to call whenever she spots someone openly wearing a “Black Lives Matter” t-shirt in her neighborhood, Where Reagan once saw a shining city on a hill, this woman sees Antifa crawling out of her hamper. Which is odd, because they’re more apt to be hiding under her bed instead.

In this post, Mary questions the reality of whether New Mexico was actually being affected by COVID, stating that there were only “18-20 cases reported by Memorial Day”. Overall, given what was going on in most of America at that time, this doesn’t sound so bad, and it wouldn’t have been, if her numbers were even remotely accurate, which to no one’s surprise- they weren’t. The actual tally was six dead, and 175 infected. Just a scooch off, I’d say. And given the possibility that every infected person could (in theory) infect three others, the conclusion one could draw from this, means that an initial total could have been as high as 525 persons, I’m thinking her math skills may be just as sharp as the ones she uses to do critical research.

It’s always adorable when someone can combine their paranoid ignorance and thinly veiled racism into one unit, is it not? For lucidity, let me just state that the city where Mary lives has as much of a chance of seeing a violent riot, as I do of seeing Milla Jovovich naked outside of a magazine, or Resident Evil movie.Oh look, it’s noted constitutional scholar Sarah F**kabee Slanders with yet another erroneous and false assertion regarding the document she used as a tampon during her tenure as Propaganda Minister for Donald Trump.… oops, I meant to say “Press Secretary”, Truly, I did. Not only is Saran and her lazy lying eye 100% wrong here, it’s also one of those pesky things that can be easily fact-checked using the merest of research, which as we’ve come to expect, Mary never bothers to do.

To note; The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” To be more concise, the 10th gives states all powers not specifically given to the federal government, allows them the authority to take public health emergency actions, such as setting quarantines and business restrictions. In other words, suck it Sarah- the government IS responsible for the health of its citizens, even its most willingly ignorant ones, such as Mary, and the compensated to be corrupt ones, such as yourself.

FFS… really, you dips**t? When soldiers are on your doorstep forcing you to wear a mask at gunpoint, then this cartoon will actually validate your previously unfounded paranoia. See, where I live, we have a city-wide mandate stating that masks must be worn while in stores, or in any other social situation where one may come into direct or indirect, contact with other people. You don’t have to wear one in your car, or in your shower, or in your home, no matter what the maskholes like to claim nonstop. A precautionary, if not wholly rational, set of guidelines to help possibly arrest the spread of a deadly virus. But for Mary? It’s equivalent to being under NAZI rule. How do I know this, past the implication of the asinine cartoon she posted? Well…

You “have a photo”, you say? Well then… could you produce it for us? And if you can, then why not post it to begin with? It wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that overall, the local police in New Mexico haven’t enforced the mandate unless the violation of such is egregious beyond the pale, would it? Nah, that can’t be it. But then again, demonizing the police is just par for the course, when it comes to the addled belief system of a mentally-deficient nimrod who is certain that CIA hit squads are “taking out” non-existent voter fraud witnesses.

With no due respect Mary, I’d suggest that this will never be a viable concern for you, because I’m of the mindset that if you do have any friends, they’re most likely either imaginary, or just as f**ked in the head as you are, so in regards to your absurd stance, I’m certain you’ve got nothing to truly worry about.

Once again, you delusional dumbass- THAT’S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS. How is it you can spend this much time using tech, and still have no clue what it can and cannot do? I can only imagine the unintentional hilarity that must present itself watching you try to reheat your pizza using your coffee maker.

“Hey everybody with a collective IQ of seven, let’s all get together in a concentrated group to protest having to be socially responsible and wear a piece of cloth over our faces for five minutes at a time, as we call those who do, “Snowflakes”, That’ll show the people in charge of protecting the public health exactly who they’re dealing with- WHO’S WITH ME?”  Easy answer, Mary. Other goddamn selfishly ignorant jackasses like yourself, most of whom will become intimately familiar with the intubation process, somewhere down the road.

And what would Qanon-style quackery truly be without America’s favorite White Supremacy rent-boy, the one and only Tucker Carlson?

Tucker, who it’s alleged by many, will most likely one day be found dead after his regular afternoon session of autoerotic asphyxia goes horribly right, is no stranger to the world of virulent misinformation and unhinged propaganda, having won the coveted centerfold slot for the annual “Racist of the Year” issue of White Incel Seditionist Magazine, no less than twelve times.

But leave it up to the only man who can make Ted Cruz appear Butch, to slither the extra mile in order to fellate the fires of Fanta fascism. So, let’s have some fun with it nonetheless, and dissect this latest blathering from the bottom boy to Sean Hannity’s middle, in the only way I know how. That being, the manner in which Charlie Sheen gets through an average weekend. Line by line.

TC: “Fauci is the High Priest of  the Covid Cult.
AB: This assessment brought to you by the Republican altar boy that gets passed around more than a carton of cigarettes does in prison.

TC: “A paper mask is his scared garment.”
AB: Says the guy who is just dying to wear his KKK cosplay outfit on TV just once,

TC: “Cable television is his pulpit.”
AB: There is so much unintentional hypocrisy in this one statement alone, It may just have given me an aneurysm, if not triggered my gag reflex.

TC: ”The people of Washington bow before Father Fauci.”
AB: This from a complicit tool who never takes off his knee pads as to where Donald Trump is concerned,  and who has never experienced the same level of respect from strangers because he’s a douchebag, but carry on, you fascist Republican leg humper.

TC: ”They throw their Patagonia fleeces before him to ease his way as he passes.”
AB: I seriously doubt that, considering how much one of those costs. Keeping in mind thatwe’re all about recycling and Green energy, does anyone really think we’re going to toss down abrand-new coat that cost $120.00 into a dirty street? I get it Tucker- you’re willing to drop your boxer shorts on command to service the GOP extremist fringe, but the rest of us have managed to keep our dignity. You should try it sometime.

TC: ”They consider him holy.”
AB: Um… no, we don’t. We’re just smart enough to listen to an actual doctor, versus an Adderall addict who once suggested that we inject bleach into our lungs, strangely enough,

TC: ”Now, the city’s mayor Muriel Bowser has made it official.”
AB: I hate to break this to you, but that’s not how Canonization actually works. In order to become a Saint, one must do the following: First, the subject has to be dead for at least five years. This is so the emotional whirlpool around the deceased can settle, thereby guaranteeing that ghe arguments for achieving sainthood can be evaluated objectively.

After the five-year limit has been reached, the bishop of the diocese where the person died can open an investigation to determine whether or not the person lived a life of virtue and service. If it turns out the person has, the bishop then asks the Congregation for the Causes of Saints, which is the branch that advises the Pope regarding saints, for his authorization on opening the case. If this is granted, the individual can then be called a “servant of God”. The Congregation for the Causes of Saints analyzes the acquired evidence of the candidate’s sanctity, and also seeks to certify that people have been inspired by the example they’ve set.

If the Congregation supports the case, it is then kicked upstairs to the Pope. If the Pope agrees that the person lived a virtuously heroic life, they are then labeled as “venerable”. To reach the next stage, known as beatification, a miracle must occur that has to be ascribed to prayers made in the name of the deceased individual. This is seen as proof that the individual resides in heaven, and therefore, is hence able to influence God towards the benefit of others.

However, these alleged occurrences must be “verified” by evidentiary proof before they can be certified as miracles. After which, the candidate is bestowed as being “blessed”. The lone exception to this process, is for those who died for their faith, and consequently, they can be beatified, as they are deemed to be a martyr.

The concluding step in affirming a deceased person as a saint, is known as Canonization. To acquire this hallowed title, the verification of a second miracle accredited to prayers made to the intrant up for consideration is required. Once again, Martyrs are the lone exception, as they need only a single substantiated miracle to achieve sainthood.

And while Fauci has dome many things in his career that can be called virtuous, the odds of being able to successfully running the Pope’s gauntlet is not in hs favor. But then again, his odds of achieving mythical God’s imaginary favor is far better than Trump’s face ever gracing Mount Rushmore, so there is an upside after all.

TC: ”Bowser has declared December 24th– formerly the date of a notable Christian holiday- “Doctor Anthony S, Fauci Day.”
AB: “Notable Christian holiday”? Does anybody want to tell F**ker that Christmas has as much to do with Jesus and the glorification of his birth, as I have to do with organizing the Cowboys for Trump monthly high tea? The actual origins of our modern-day Christmas, originally evolved from the pagan practice of celebrating the winter solstice, and not celebrating the mythical Son of God, Jesus Christ. To note- there is NO credible evidence anywhere as to when the prophet turned Lord or All was born, and therefore, Christmas is yet another one of those pagan revelries hijacked by the Christian faith, and rewritten to conform to their beliefs alone.

However, don’t you fret, because I have it on good authority that Santa is real, so you still have that going for you. Unfortunately, it was Jesus who told me this, and since he’s imaginary, you may want to take this declaration with some salt. But on the upside, I recently stopped mixing my Rum with paint thinner, and since I’ve done that, I don’t have those kinds of conversations any more. But I also think now is the perfect time for a break from this screed, and this spot is as good a place as any to stop, methinks.

However, I’m not done with this alleged seditious supporter of idiocy just yet- in fact, I’m just warming up, and when I pick up the baton, we’ll be delving into some as yet undiscussed hobbies of hers- alleged blatant racism and Islamophobia, her love of fake news, and of course, her cultish devotion to our recently disposed mango man-child moron, the one and thank Odin, the only, Donald J. (for “jackass”)Trump.

It’ll be fun. It’ll be enlightening. And it will definitely aggravate you as well.
Trust me… I am a writer, after all.

“For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.”- Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark