Shilling of a Lesser God. (An Atheistic Amusement)

Originally produced for Related Records’ Phoenix-based independent Zine, “Testimony Vol. 1”, initially published in August of 2022.

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“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?” – Epicurus

I open up this screed by definitively declaring, that there is no God. Never has been. Never will be. And most assuredly, if my first two observations are later to be proven false, Logic will still find that as the alleged Father of all, he still fails far shy of deserving the unconditional love he so conceitedly deigns that we, those who were cursed by his own hand, provide him.

Like most modern-day fathers who long ago shirked their responsibilities, he demands unwarranted respect when he bothers to make a limited appearance, but refuses to bestow it in turn. At best, he’s an incompetent over-the-hill Salaryman, trying to relive his glory days via the manipulation of innocents, and at worst, he’s an obsessively mercurial and highly disingenuous sociopath, whose intrinsic ideology is far more in line with the Family of Manson, than the one espoused by the Family of Man.

In short, God is a Fraud. A Theoretical Bully. A Celestial Construct. A mythical Sky-daddy, specifically crafted to keep the ignorant and the fearful under the semblance of social subjugation, and for those select chosen few, to serve as their conduit to acquiring power and influence over others. And in this, an age where access to the world’s knowledge entire is instantaneous, he’s also irrelevant.

We as a society, save for the gullible few scattered among us, remain in the dark no longer as to how the world itself actually works, as we’ve conquered the initial ignorance surrounding biology, geology, and astronomy, and need not the salve of spiritualism, to make sense of that which we don’t understand or fail to comprehend. The Dark Ages had Prophets to guide us. We on the other hand, have YouTube.

Who needs a God when morality is inherent? Who needs a God when Science is based in (and on) verifiable Reality? Who needs miracles, when we’ve split the atom, landed on the Moon, and placed no less than five planetary rovers capable of independent actions, on a celestial body that at its farthest distance from us, is 112.72 million miles away?

Fortunately, for current gas prices, we tend to send these robotic explorers when Mars is an average of only 33.9 million miles away in relation to our home world, so cut NASA some well-earned slack, regarding their past dual cock-ups within the Shuttle program. Think about what humans have accomplished in the span of an average lifetime, and what God thus far, has failed to even partially eradicate over millennia, despite being all-powerful and allegedly, omnipotent.

War, poverty, famine, disease, racism, sexism, homophobia, Islamophobia, xenophobia, nationalism, willfully hateful ignorance, sexual trafficking and abuse, infant mortality, a rapidly untenable planet, due ironically, to both Man’s actions and inaction, and lest we forget, the scourge that is Nickelback, being allowed to produce a body of work that contains no less than nine studio albums, two compilation albums, one EP, five video albums, and 32 individual music videos.

If that isn’t proof enough that there is no God, I really don’t know what to tell you. Chad Kroeger may not be the Antichrist himself, but he certainly would be the composer for his theme music, nevertheless. I noted earlier that the roots of God’s existence lay in Mankind’s need at one point, to explain the workings of the Universe which was once unknown, but what are the elements within that particular narrative?

Our story begins after God, having:created said Universe in six days, decides to situate a virtual paradise on Earth, that he calls The Garden of Eden, stocks it with all of the delights and delicacies that he crafted days before, and in a sheer moment of omnipotent genius, takes Adam and Eve, his two previously immaculate human creations, and deliberately installs the flaw of Free Will into them, despite having no real need in the first place, to do so.

He then instructs them both not to use it, under the threat of dire consequence, then purposefully crafts an irresistible temptation, as he concurrently allows their dual corruption by yet another of his predestined formations (albeit an evil one) who somehow, manages to enter and exit, the Garden unmolested.

After the pair commit the sin that will eventually be classified as “Original”, and doom us all to Hell, God loses his collective cool about it, and banishes Adam and Eve from the Garden forever, notwithstanding the obvious fact that the situation at his hand was ENTIRELY HIS FAULT, he still sends the duo out into the harshness of the world beyond the Garden, completely unprepared, as all good parents are apt to do.

After quite some time has passed, he takes some personal initiative, transcribing a book of rules via other flawed humans, in which he demands that they, and all of their resultant offspring, endeavor to spend their lives worshipping him on bended knee, otherwise he’ll deem them as being unworthy of his “love”, toss them into a bottomless pit of eternal fire, replete with chains of ice, and unceasing torment, with no hope of escape.

And lest ye forget, he’s doing all of this, because he “loves us”. Now, if I were a far more cynical person, I’d assert that the manner in which he shows us this fictional grace, seems like it would fit far better in Ted Bundy’s gameplan, rather than God’s obviously improvised one. And this is whom we’re commanded to slavishly worship without fail and/or query? F**k that noise, plain and simple.

After all, just because I have chosen to metaphorically walk among the stars, and require neither God’s presence, or the insular imprisonment of his doctrine to do so, doesn’t mean that you should follow my path. But as a rule, its hard to explore the infinite possibilities that Life itself offers you freely, when you’re consistently genuflecting to forestall a predetermined fate that you didn’t warrant to begin with.

Just a thought. And hopefully, a clear one.

“It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is, than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” – Carl Sagan